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moondirti · 2 years

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← chapter four

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Pairing: Din Djarin x F!Reader Rating: Explicit Word Count: 7.4k Summary: You learn there's more to your current planet of residence than what meets the eye. Warnings: aphrodisiacs (sex pollen), mentions of masturbation, language, dirty thoughts, discussions of consent, groping, pining, anxiety Notes: I love being evil and doing evil things. Seriously though, this chapter was a beast to write so I hope you enjoy it! For your reference, Ede is a planet of my creation. It does not exist in the Star Wars canon. If anyone knows of anything similar to it, please let me know!

There’s something wrong with Ede, and only Din seems to notice.

Perhaps, with all the frogs and strange lizards the kid ingests, he’s built an immunity to all things peculiar. Or, maybe, it’s a subset of his species to be naturally resistant to planet-borne illnesses. Din really can’t make sense of the logistics in it, but his child is just as bouncy and vibrant as ever - and as endearing as those characteristics are normally, they’re damn well exhausting given his current state.

You. Din knows why you’re fine. Hard as you try to be regimented with those daily E-bacta shots, you’re not free of the substance’s ungovernable effects. Your wrist is almost fully healed now, yet you still haven’t made any changes to the dosage. Because not only do they keep you healthy, they leave you rejuvenated, pumped up for the gruelling training sessions Din throws at you. You’ve been able to get back up and fight after every bruise, every loss. And while you have yet to win, Din is extremely fucking impressed with how you manage to outsmart him every single time. Clever girl. He occasionally considers going easier on you too, to let you beat him; but he recognises, for as long as you’re primed the way you are, you need to be pushed to your limits.

Honestly, with just how well the E-bacta seems to be working on you, he’s contemplated snagging a shot. But no, supplies are limited; he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. You need them more than he does.

Yeah. The helmet takes the brunt of it, anyway. He can handle the way the fog clouds his senses, if only for a little longer. It isn’t as if it instils thoughts in him he hasn’t had already. Din doesn’t need an aphrodisiac planet to think about spreading you underneath him, to crave the taste of your cunt; the sight of you does enough to him alone. But stars, does it make it infinitely harder to keep to his restrain.

He’s a Mandalorian, as disciplined as they come. A lesser man would have caved by now, he’s sure. Be that as it may, the smallest things have been setting him off. A glimpse of your shoulder. The shape of your legs. He was sure he’d gone mad when your smile was enough to spur him as he fucked his fist late one night. It’s been a while since his last lay, sure. That isn’t the issue - it’s never been as bad as this, not since he was a teenager and saw a woman’s breasts for the first time.

Yours trump those, though, easily.

It had all come to a head that day in the forest. When you ran and triggered something absolutely primal within him, something that lit every suppressed urge with the scorn of a thousand suns. Over his course as a bounty hunter, Din has long since stopped relishing in the thrill of a chase. Adrenaline means nothing to him, a hindrance at the best of times - to keep a clearer head, he operates with apathy. It helps with precision, and the reputation that trails along. But when it was you he had to catch…

The instant his heart skipped a beat, Din knew he was in danger.

And when he had you pinned to the ground soon after, he crossed a line without second thought. What’s worse, he didn’t regret it. He doesn’t. He only wishes he’d gone further, that he’d seen more of you.

‘T-That is not fair.’

No, it hadn’t been. Even if they were to get off this planet, what he’d done has permanently ruined you for him. The feel of your flesh. Your supple softness. Din, with the memory of your breast seared into his palm, is a ticking time bomb. It’s only a matter of time before he implodes - and with the lack of control he’s had over his mind lately, he can’t have you around for that. You’d hate him.

“Hey,” Your shoe nudges his leg, dragging him back to reality. “You okay?”

No. “Yes.”

Din isn’t a bad liar - the modulator flattens the inconsistencies in his tone, his helmet conceals any tells. Yet still, somehow, you remain unconvinced. A brow arches quizzically, your eyes narrowing in suspicion. Firelight illuminates the planes of your face, fluttering sparks almost as bright as you. Clever, clever girl.

“Sad ‘cause I won?” Your smile is devil-sent, devious. The things he’d do to you.

He exhales. “Sure, if you call throwing pebbles at me winning.”

Taking a large bite of the fruit you picked, you talk through a mouthful. Din hardly registers it. “Tactical problems require tactical solutions.” Your lips are plump, highlighted with a thin sheen of juice as you chew. He wonders if they’d look that way surrounding him.

“I’m a tactical problem?” He pitches in after a while, upon watching the way you settle into the awkward silence.

“A real menace.” You giggle in response, brushing a hand over the hovering pram near you with agonising tenderness. “Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“Hm,” Din hums absentmindedly. Tendrils of fog lace his ankles and wind up his legs. It’s almost… sentient, in the matter it encompasses him, like it’s privy to the wicked fantasies he has of you. Maybe it is - that would explain why you and the kid are so unaffected; maybe Ede can only influence those already too far gone.

The thought is nothing revolutionary - he knows. Din knows he’s awful for feeling this way. It goes against everything the Mandalorians have ever taught him; a betrayal of his creed to lust after someone so unsuspecting. Unwilling. The guilt that eats him alive is justified - welcomed to a certain degree, a reminder not to betray the trust you have in him to remain strictly professional. He was the one that invited you to live with him, for Kriff’s sake; the least he can do is think of you with the decency you deserve.

“Y’know, the flower this fruit comes from can be used to make an extremely deadly poison. Synox, I think it’s called.” You say, eyeing the rose-coloured morsel with vapid interest. Din hums. He recognises it. “I saw it on my walk earlier… ‘Course it’s edible in this form.”

“Couldn’t have guessed.” The wry comment pulls another laugh from you. Something foreign settles in Din’s chest. “I didn’t know medical academies taught so much about poison.”

“If they did, I couldn’t tell you. I wasn’t the best student.” And though you shake your head with all the vulnerability of an honest woman, the Mandalorian doesn’t believe you. It’s difficult to imagine a world in which you aren’t the smartest person in the room. “An old friend mentioned it once, is’all.”

“An old friend,” It’s not quite a question any more than it is an open-ended interrogation, founded in concern over the vacant tone that’s wormed its way into your voice. He isn’t blind; he sees the subtle hesitation in your admittance, the recoil of your shoulders at a memory he isn’t informed on. Disappointment latches on to him at the sway this one individual has on you. For all the likeliness that it isn’t a former lover, he knows it very well could be. Discomfort swells in him at the prospect; he tells himself it’s the fog.

Your gaze flutters to him. You’re smiling again - it feels forced. “Shocked to find I have other friends, Mando? I’m not that insufferable.”

Other friends. Other friends. Was he… one of them too?

The fruit is nothing but its core now, a fat seed with rough edges. You poke a hole in it with the wooden dagger you use for sparring practice, then bury the pit in overturned dirt. Din watches you, tracing the curve of your hip when you bend, the dainty motions of your fingers while you work. His cock throbs from behind the confines of his pants, semi-hard already and leaking steadily, preparing him solely for the embrace of his own hand later. A stone lodges itself in his throat - uncomfortable, much like the rest of him - and he thinks of ploughing into your tight cunt instead. You’d soak the front of him, moaning his name in between choked gasps and whimpers. Fuck, he can almost hear it, the way your skin would clap as he pistons his hips against the softness of your thighs, his nose buried between your tits, fucking you open.

His Doc. His clever girl. He’d ruin you.

“Mando?”

He needs to get out of here.

When he stands, his armour clunks clumsily at the speed with which he moves. You’re still on your knees, about face level with his crotch, and he thanks the Maker that you worriedly peer up at him instead of surveying the evidence of his arousal. You look so good like this, he could just grab your hair and–

“Need to run a perimeter check. Watch the kid.” The excuse is half-assed; unbelievable because, in the two week’s they’ve been on Ede, there have been no signs of life larger than the occasional bug or amphibian. You don’t question it, though, just frowning solemnly at him. In his mind, that’s infinitely worse.

But he can’t stick around. Not when you look so fucking divine; all glass, smooth edges, burning over the hot coals of his desire. Not with the way your brows furrow slightly, neck stretched and elongated as your head tips back to drink him in. You’re lovely, gentle, and you’re always there - always so perfect at supporting him. Blood rushes from his head, he can feel his heartbeat at his brow; he wants you. And the fog filters through his helmet, wafting up his nose, dimming his reasoning. It tells him to do it, lift your face to his and devour you completely, to suck in your precious moans when he stuffs his cock into you. But no, no. He can’t.

Not when he risks hurting you.

With a stiff nod, Din marches off.

The chronometer ticks metrically, consistent in its sole function. To you, in your anxious state, its rhythm gains speed with every minute you wait. Dawn emerges on the horizon, and you haven’t slept, trapped in silence with the debilitating tangent conceived three hours ago.

The Mandalorian has been gone for the better part of the night, and there has yet to be any sign of his return.

Initially, with the way he stormed off, you figured you’d leave him to his own devices, at least until he came down from whatever temperament he was in. It isn’t your first rodeo, after all; Mando is moody on his best days, withdrawn and reticent with what he feels. You like to think that your relationship has progressed past that point, but with the unaddressed tension between you nowadays, you aren’t too sure. That’s fine, though. Really. He’s kept you around for long enough that you’re close to confident he won’t leave you stranded on the next planet. The ease your group has settled into is more than enough reassurance that he doesn’t despise you – so when Mando left you by the fire, you’d shrugged off his bullshit lie and carried on with your night.

During the first hour, you massaged the taut muscles in your back and practised your kicks. As Mando had you on strict orders not to target tree trunks (“You’ll disfigure your leg.”), you fashioned a dummy using a duffel bag, old rags, rope and duct tape. You’d started with the roundhouse, likely because of the impression it made when your bounty hunter had seized and repositioned your ‘lazy’ stance while teaching you. His words rang clear in your head: load your weight onto your back leg, step around forty-five degrees towards your target, swing your upper body for momentum, lift, pivot your hip and kick. Progress was slow - you were kind of glad Mando wasn’t around to see. Your first few tries on the makeshift dummy had hurt, the impact reverberating up your tibia and throwing you back on your ass, but then you realised your mistake in using your foot. Your shin is sturdier, supported by denser bones. When you had adjusted accordingly, your kicks had more sway, despite hurting just as bad. Soaked in sweat, you’d considered it a victory all the same, thrilled to tell Mando the news.

At the second hour, you began with your nightly routine. The system was one you’ve adapted for everyone’s convenience; after tucking the child into his hammock, you’d be the first to shower. Mando always preferred to wait until you were asleep anyway, as to avoid the risk of you walking in. And, despite his absence, you stuck to the familiarity. It wasn’t a prolonged ordeal - the water on Nevarro was scalding by cause of the lava plains, so you’re accustomed to quick washes. In no later than ten minutes, you padded out in a plain shirt and compression pants. There wasn’t much else to do afterwards - on any other day, you would’ve gone to bed - but something told you to wait until the Mandalorian came back. To occupy yourself in the meantime, you had laid out your remaining supplies to take inventory. There was a disturbing lack of E-bacta (that couldn’t have been you, could it?) as well as gauze, so you made a list of items that needed replenishing. The mindless chore gave you ample time to overthink, and it was then that the doubt crept up on you. ‘Do perimeter checks usually take two hours?’

All throughout hour three, you spiralled into a well of crushing concern. While re-organising the chaotic wire work along the Crest, you wondered what could be taking Mando so long. Had you said something to upset him? Maker, you hadn’t even pondered that possibility; you had just let him go with little care or issue. The thought made you sick. If he was upset, then it’d be on you. Worse - if he was hurt, it’s on account of your negligence. Fuck, what was wrong with you, have you not grown? You’d made a promise to yourself that you wouldn’t let loose again, not after what had happened last time. And for all your efforts to distract yourself, your father’s palish, blue-tinged face haunted you; there as you fixed the hatch, singed into the back of your eyelids while you polished the floor. You were a sitting duck, dizzy and only half-mindful of just how little you were doing.

Now, it’s a bit off of three hours since the Mandalorian’s absence. You’re covered in a parka, clutching your way-too-bulky blaster with one trembling hand and surveying your chrono on the other. The ramp is open in front of you, a morning chill drifting through to take up residence in the hull. You’re unsure if the way your nose stings is due to the cold or the threatening onslaught of tears you’re keeping at bay.

“Two minutes, Mando. You have two minutes to come back or I swear to the mighty sister above I’ll find and kill you myself.” The waver in your whisper betrays the hysteria surging within you. You can admit it to yourself here, in this chasm of dread, alone with only the chirp of far off birds and background drone of the Crest - you’re fucking worried for him.

Time passes. Your resolve weakens. The crack of a twig catches your rapt attention; nothing becomes of it. You squeeze your eyes shut, and draw in a long breath.

Then, you move.

You follow the trail of sunken footprints in mud. They aren’t hard to miss; the hunter wears heavy duty combat boots and weighs double the average man - courtesy of his beskar; even rain couldn’t easily corrode the path he’d made. What’s more, any low hanging branches or leaves have been wacked out of place, broken off at their arms somewhat violently - if you’re to go by their splintered ends. It occurs to you that, based on the evident wreckage, the Mandalorian must have been frustrated upon leaving camp. You fidget nervously to expel the guilt that returns at the thought.

The forest is dark, the light from the rising sun barely filtering through its thick canopy. Chewing your lip, you try to orient yourself amidst the panic. The fog is always thicker in the morning, coming well above eye-level and shortening your sightline significantly. You stumble over fallen logs, slip on mossy rocks. At some point, you start to notice the faint floral aroma present in the air. Has that smell always been here?

Great, you’re losing it. Gulping, you breathe through the tears brimming along your waterline. ‘Relax,’ you tell yourself, ‘have a little faith’. Mando has lived this long without you hanging over his shoulder, he’s more than capable of warding off any dangers that come his way. Still, that reckless urge is back, the one you’d battled with when the pirates had attacked - the need to protect him. You want him to know it; he doesn’t have to rely on himself anymore, you’re here for him now. Trekking through an uncharted, abandoned forest with a blaster you’ve never been taught to use, wandering into a fight you wouldn’t be able to win. Should you even be expecting one? No, you’re looking for your lost companion, that’s all. That’s it. Mando is fine; you are too. Your palms are damp with perspiration, and the beginnings of a migraine pounds at your temple, but you’re okay.

Some protector you are.

The continuous buzz of the Crest’s machinery has faded by now, and the once distinct footprints are a confused mess, disorderly with the way they impede on one another, turning in circles. It’s completely unlike Mando - too tumultuous to be a trail he made in sound mind - but it is, you’re sure of it, you hadn’t lost sight of the prints for more than a second. Shivering, you squat to gain a closer look. It’s only then you pick up on the foreign articles that litter the area, like tiny little balls with thorns all along their surfaces. A bullet of adrenaline shoots through you. Bugs? No. Seeds. They’ve been around for the past few metres.

A horrifying suspicion arises. This entire time, you’ve been distraught over the idea that a person intercepted and attacked him. You hadn’t even paused to note the dangers nature posed; if perhaps Mando had fallen into a pit, been attacked by an animal or grown susceptible to poison. Ede is an uncharted planet, the closest one you were able to land on post attack. Camp is safe, but there’s no way of knowing whether the rest of the world is.

Stupid, stupid. You waited so long to come out and find him when time can mean the difference between life or death. The gravity of your predicament comes crashing down, devastating in its weight. Where the fuck are you even going? The prints mean nothing here, the forest floor is unruly, roots winding amidst soil, disrupting leaves and tiny plants. They could have been made by anything; gone is the telltale pattern of Mando’s sole’s, missing is the pace of his regular gait. You’ve been grasping at straws and wasting precious time.

You stop for a moment's respite, hyperventilating. While trying to suck in as much oxygen as possible, you quickly realise none of it is enough. This isn’t working, that’s been established. None of this is helping Mando. You need to steel yourself and think with a clear head. Yeah, just… Just ground yourself.

The earth is solid underneath you. If you focus, you can feel the way it pushes back against the pressure you put on it. Your blaster is cool, the metal comforting in how familiar it is. You imagine it’s Mando, that you’re running your thumb over the curve of his pauldron. There’s a rustle of leaves, the thundering rush of a waterfall, a faint groaning. And there’s the tick of your chrono, constant and unchanging. The flowery aroma has grown richer now, shifting in and out of reach with the swirling mist. Can Mando smell it too, through that helmet of his? Can he indulge in the details of life; smell, taste, sound?

Sound.

A faint groaning.

You perk up, holding your breath, trying to pinpoint its source. They’re overshadowed by the ambience of the forest, but they’re there, hidden between lulls in the wind. It’s coming from your… You wait again, forcing all your mental strength into concentrating. Left. It’s coming from your left, in the same direction of a babbling brook.

It’s the best hope you’ve got.

At once, you start on your new path, half-running to your best ability on the rough terrain. It’s like your mind goes silent, laser-focused on this localised objective. Get to the groaning’s source. There’s no time to second-guess yourself, you can’t afford to temporise; whether or not it’s coming from Mando, there’s only one way to find out. So, you jog, readjusting yourself when the sound veers away from right in front of you. Your ankle bends far too often on account of your clumsiness, and your pounding heart threatens to drown any external noises out. Your desperate search lacks all the elegance of a seasoned predator - someone like Mando, who’s been doing this long enough to earn his stealth. You don’t let the foolishness of it disrupt you, though; it can’t matter to you, not when something far more frightening awaits.

The pained sounds have gotten louder now. You don’t really need to strain to hear them anymore - they find you. You stumble blindly forwards, squinting - trying to catch a glint of his armour, the squelch of blood-soaked earth beneath your boots - any indication that it is, in fact, Mando you’re chasing and not some wounded creature. The trees are larger here than they are at camp, triple your width, and crowd each other like wires in a chain-link fence. You should be wary; but common sense dictates that it’s safer than out in the open, where you can be attacked from any angle.

Your foot stubs against another stubborn obstacle, and you bite back a scream of frustration. These fucking roots are the worst; they weave into the ground and jump up at you when you least expect it. You can already feel the blisters forming on your toes as a result, and you have half a mind to punt this one if it wasn’t for Mando’s advice against it.

You’re grateful you don’t, though, because when you move to step over it, a cold grip wraps around your ankle.

And you just… know.

Your skin prickles with the atmospheric shift; you can smell it - that musk, leather and spice. The fog blocks any chance you might have in confirming your beliefs - the forest floor all hazy - but your brain short-circuits like it does only in his presence, and you know.

“Mando?” You whine down at your calf.

Your name comes back to you. It’s broken, choked between ragged croaks.

Sobbing, you fall to your knees, crawling over to the other side of the body slumped up against a trunk. His gloved hand remains at your ankle, unbearably tight. There’s something off about the way his fingers press into your skin, like you’re clay he can easily mould; honestly, you can’t bring yourself to care. He’s here. It’s him. You weren’t aware your shoulders were as stiff as they were until they slump at the sight of that T-shaped visor, a black void so comforting to you it’s hard to imagine you were once scared of it. There’s a man behind the helmet - one so unexpectedly gentle, somewhat awkward and so fucking reckless.

“W-What happ– Stars, are you okay? Are you hurt?” Your hands are everywhere all at once, smoothing down his arms, poking around his abdomen. You check for blood or sore spots that’d make him cringe. When you don’t find any, your agitation booms; maybe he is poisoned. You… you can’t help him if he is, not until you get back to the Crest. “Fuck– I’m s-so stupid, I should’ve brought–”

“Nghh, g…” He sounds hurt, but he doesn’t look it. There’s no open wound anywhere, he isn’t shivering with the chills of toxicants. He’s still strong, evident in the way he holds onto you. So, why is he lying before you like a dying man? Why do you taste desperation saturating the space between you?

“Hu–Huh? Mando, hey, tell me what’s wrong.” You squeak, shoving two fingers under his cowl, beneath his helmet to check on his pulse. It’s faster than it ought to be. Shit, and for someone who was out all night, he’s heating up. The fabric of his cape is fully soaked with sweat, peppered with those spiky seeds. You have no idea what this could be; he shouldn’t be sick, his mask prevents that. “Please.”

Mando lets out an aggrieved moan. “G-Go. You need to– to leave…”

“Are you insane?” You whisper-shout, the consonants hissed between your teeth. He’s not in his right mind. You need to get to the Razor Crest, to the medisensor and your supplies. That’s your only option. Decisively, you yank your leg back from his clutches and pull at his arm. Mando doesn’t budge. “Get up! C’mon. I need to get you back,”

“Fuck– you–” He moans hoarsely, head falling back. “C-Clever girl. Need… Need you– mmfh— need you to get away.”

The moniker catching you off guard, your efforts cease for a moment. No, not now. Whatever game he’s playing at, you’ll deliberate later. Forget how the praise sounds coming from him, his voice husky and rough. Forget about it. “Nuh-uh. No way, bud, get up. Let’s go home.”

“Home,” It’s spoken softly. You exploit the vulnerability.

“Yes, yes, home. Where it’s safe, where I can help.”

His hips roll before his thighs spread, a leg bending at the knee. When his foot digs into the ground, you manage to pull him up onto his feet. Hurriedly, you lay his arm across your shoulders, wrapping yours around his waist. He’s heavy, but aside from the occasional stagger, Mando doesn’t put his full weight upon you.

“You have to work with me, okay? We’re walking back to the ship, so stay conscious, please.”

“Sound– Sound so… pretty when you beg.” Warmth pools into your cheeks. Dismissing it, you begin to retrace your steps. Mando trudges along, his voice weak when he speaks again. “Can’t stop thinking of you.”

Ignore it. Your tummy blazes with the flattery, but it’s not real. He doesn’t understand what he’s saying. This… thing that’s gotten into him has the added element of psychosis, you’re sure. You reflect on what you know can do that instead of on your trickling desire. An agent that hinders the senses, perhaps. Or a brain-eating amoeba of some sort.

Your heart stops. Fuck, why would you even think that.

If possible, you push Mando harder, conscious of the way his hold tightens on you.

The carnage you left in your wake trying to find your companion makes for a convenient trail back to the Crest. Even so, it’s a miracle the two of you reach it for all your combined impairments; Mando’s hardly cognizant by the end - a string of hushed groans filter out of his vocoder, an added indication he’s not yet dead as he stumbles beside you. You imagine your complicated mix of panic and lust doesn’t help either; as much as you want to focus on all the means through which you can help him, his wandering hands keep pulling your attention away. It seems the only thing you could centre on is how strange it feels. Save for when he fondled you to gain an upper hand in your spar, Mando is not a physical person, deliberate or not. His touch grazing up your back is abnormal in all the right ways, a scene pulled straight from one of your fantasies.

Naturally, this happens to worry you even further.

You’d made sure to activate the ship’s ground safety patrols for the sleeping child before you left. In the time it takes you to disable them, it’s like Mando’s torment triples. He clings to you now, his body hunched over so his helmet can rest atop your shoulder. With how his arms are wrapped around you, you can feel every uneven breath he takes, his muscles jolting as if the action pains him. Or maybe it does.

You wriggle loose, dodging his embrace yet still supporting his weight. The sudden lack of warmth is sobering; you strive not to think about how nice it’d been. “We need to get you inside. Can you climb for me?” You ask, keeping your inquiry gentle as you guide him to the base of the ramp.

“Yes.” His words are restrained – not tense, but something a little more savage.

“Come on then. That’s it, yeah, that’s good.” And aside from the way he tips forward, Mando manages to make it up into the hull with relative ease. A shred of anxiety ebbs at that; he’s doing okay so far. It’s an encouraging sign.

“Let… Let me–” He starts, protesting as you help him down onto the ground.

“No. Just stop moving, I need to figure out what’s wrong.” You’re firm. His stunted motions still at the conviction evident in your tone, but he’s just as stubborn despite the stutter in his response.

“Nothing’s w-wrong, clever girl.”

“You’re burning up and you can barely function, Mando. Don’t lie to me.” Cutting him off before he has the chance to say much else, you hustle around the hull, locating the medisensor just as you set down your blaster by your makeshift couch. As much as you despise it, you clearly can’t deduce the problem on your own. You’ll need the hand-held diagnostic scanner for that prior to starting treatment.

But when you point it at the Mandalorian, it draws at a blank.

The glowing screen flashes a few times more down at the hunk of steel situated against a wall, seemingly as perplexed as you are. On the side are a list of his symptoms – fever, migraine, nausea – but the main box dedicated to the diagnoses is empty.

“You useless son of a–”

“Told… you…”

“Are you just… sick? Is that it?” Doubt creeps up. It’s in you to overthink; maybe you’ve blown this out of proportion.

“No.” He uses the floor to push himself into a precarious stand. You’re right by him when he dangerously sways, propping him up by his chest. “Jus’ let– let me use the r-refresher, okay?”

“Mando-”

“You don’t u-understand,” Your heart twinges in mild offence. Regardless, you nod. He’s right. You can’t make sense of the situation. You’ve done your part in getting him home fine, but until he’s willing to tell you what else you can do, you’re purposeless.

“Okay, okay. But I’m staying right here. Shout if you need anything.” You scold, walking him to the refresher door. His visor turns to take you in, the intensity in his solid-black stare startling. It stretches the longer the pause, gorging on your vulnerability, and suddenly, you’re all too aware of everything wrong with you. You hadn’t thought to wipe the tear tracks on your cheeks; your hair is a frizzy mess; your parka is stiflingly hot along your collar, sweat beading down your forehead.

Mando shakes his head minutely. “Don’t… answer me if I do.”

Your expression drops. “What?”

But he’s already limping through the refresher door, unfastening the front of his cowl. You barely catch a glimpse of his neck before it whirrs shut.

The datapad flashes from its place on your lap, your legs crossed underneath it and pulled close for comfort. In your proximity to the refresher, the artificial rain of the shower is clear, pitter-pattering upon durasteel floors. The Mandalorian has been in there for a remarkably long time. Like you, his washes are usually militaristic in length, and if it wasn’t for the splashes he makes as he shifts, this prolonged interlude might be a cause for concern.

As it stands, though, you’re doing the best you can. Mando’s datapad is outdated and horribly inefficient - it’s been loading this page for the better part of five minutes now - but it works for what you need to do. After he shut you out, you’d decided you wouldn’t wait until he recovers; curiosity and concern dictate you find the source of his malady, if only to be prepared should something happen.

So, here you are, researching Ede on the galactic planetary index. In contrast to Arkanis or Chandrila, both planets with a rich history, there’s practically nothing on the one you’re stationed on. Basic facts about its climate, the fauna – its natives live high on the mountains, which explains the lack of life you’ve encountered so far. You’re just about to jump to the section on planetary borne illness when something captures your attention.

‘Markedly, Edians choose to stay well above ground level to avoid the fog that pervades through Ede’s forests during mating season. For more information, refer to section 4.’

Everything highlighted so far you’ve been able to discern based on experience; the rain is a water-based compound, rouge-tinted fruits are safe to eat, the blue ones are not. The fog, though - you hadn’t noticed anything wrong with the fog. It’s annoying at the worst of times, disadvantageous to your vision, but nothing dangerous. Certainly nothing that warrants as great of an adaptation as colony relocation. Worrying your lip, you tap on the redirection to section four.

‘Ede’s Aphrodisiac Nature.’

Your stomach sinks.

‘During the first 5 standard months of its rotation, Ede enters its mating season, where its climate shifts and the flora release stimulants to encourage fauna to reproduce. Not much else is known of this phenomenon, save for its common contributors, including but not limited to the previously mentioned fog and philein seeds.”

A photo of the latter is attached; a little sphere with thorns along its surface. Something sparks in your memory. You think back on it, trying to pinpoint the hazy recognition. Was it something you pried from within the kid’s mouth? No, if he had eaten one, he’d be just as sick right now. It’s something else, your intuition gnaws at you.

It occurs to you then. They were there, the seeds, on the ground as you tracked Mando down, attached to the pills of his cape.

And then the mental blockade frees, cold realisation flooding in.

It explains the unaddressed tension whenever he was around. The incident in the forest that had struck you as incredibly peculiar at the time. All the sweet nicknames and husky compliments. Fuck. Fuck. Of course he isn’t interested in you. Only a fool would connect the dots this late.

A hope you didn’t know you held diminishes right as your name echoes from within the refresher.

You’re on your feet in a second, reeling like a guilty child caught doing something naughty. You’re unsure why – nothing has changed since before your discovery; Mando is stable, the two of you have remained friendly. But the heat of his touch returns like it never left, grazing up your back, rounding at your shoulder. You can almost feel the sensation of his palm kneading your breast, digging into the tender flesh and holding it for the smallest second. All of it had meant so much to you – a possibility that the attraction you felt wasn’t so one-sided. But it was nothing, entailed nothing.

Your name comes again, broken. You don’t want to ask, you lack the strength it takes to, but you’re sworn to a creed much like the Mandalorian’s. As a physician, you’ve promised to seek and aid all ailments in face of personal bias. As his medic, you owe him as much for the protection and shelter he gives you in return.

As his friend, you hate to see him in pain.

Hesitantly, you approach the door to the refresher. Upon closing in, you pick up on the fainter sounds you’d missed. The water still runs, but there’s the purr of the heater just below, working overtime given the length of the shower, accompanied by loud reverberations as bottles hit the floor. The commotion is jarring, shaking you as you listen in for any indication of Mando’s well-being.

It comes in the form of long, drawn out moans, hoarse and desperate.

Shit.

However you’re able to muster the strength to speak is a mystery. The words are dense on your tongue, molasses, sticky with angst. “M-Mando? Are you… Are you doing okay?”

The other side goes quiet. In the lull, you notice a distinct absence of something you hadn’t caught onto before. Slick slaps of something. Soap falling to the floor, maybe. Or… skin on skin. Your legs press together at the mental image that surfaces.

“It hurts,” The whine is so unlike him, a little clearer than his voice usually is and closer to any admission of defeat you’ve heard from him. Your heart aches. This isn’t just hard on you.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Your ear presses into the metal wall separating you. His moans have devolved into hushed breaths now that you’re listening - you almost wish they hadn’t.

What comes next transgresses any expectation you have of his answer. You half assumed he’d reject your nagging completely and stay silent. Another part of you felt he’d walk out, good as new, to prove you wrong. The concession that comes is beyond concrete reasoning and hypothesis. No educated guess can predict Mando’s next words.

“Y-Yes, come in.”

You choke on your saliva, coughing violently.

It’s so startling, in fact, that it grounds you back to your senses.

It is so contrary of Mando to seek this out in you. You’re no idiot, you can comprehend what your offer must sound like to him in this state. Like you were asking for permission, consent. And though he admitted defeat and invited you in to join him, nothing in this can be consensual. He was hardly sane when you’d found him, and you’re sure he can’t have gotten any better since then – because now he’s calling you when he explicitly told you not to answer, and it’s so fucking deviant to the resolution he’d made. So far from the man who kept you at arms length until you touched down on this Maker-forsaken planet, who has the will of a nerf, who does not want you in the way you want him.

And you can’t take advantage of that.

You rush to pull out your supplies. You won’t help him, not in the way he’s asking you to, but you can make this a little easier. Yeah, two tablets of pharmaceutical-grade antibiotics should mitigate his other symptoms. You’ll keep an eye out for him afterwards but he’ll be fine, this will mull over. No long-lasting side effects were mentioned in your research, after all.

You knock the refresher door. “Listen. I’m gonna come in and give you these two pills. I’ll keep my eyes closed and turn off the lights for extra measure.”

You wait for any acknowledgement. A grunt is all you get.

Gulping, you brace yourself, screwing your eyes shut and holding onto the medication with an iron grip.

You’re met with a sickening gust of steam as you enter. The air is practically liquid with how humid the room is, hot water vapour pouring into your senses. You’re sure you won’t be able to see even if you do open your eyes, but you keep yourself on a leash, self-devised instructions repeating like a mantra in your mind. Give him the meds and leave. Give him the meds and leave. Get yourselves off this planet. Just give him the meds and leave.

Muscle memory alone ensures you’re able to find the light switch to turn it off. Your eyelids darken with the lack of light, somehow making it harder to navigate. Your free hand is outstretched in front of you, bumping into various surfaces before it manages to meet the cold glass partition to the shower.

“Can you move? I’ll hand you the antibiotics.” Your voice is shaky

“C-Can’t…” Comes the bated reply.

Stars, okay. Okay, that’s fine. That just means you’ll have to get in there with him and… and…

“A-Alright. I’ll come to you,” Your fingers slip against condensation as you slide open the barrier. They twitch uncontrollably, but whether it’s in trepidation or eagerness, you don’t know. The cloying heat doubles within this contained area; you’re thankful for the water that beats down on you for the way it washes away your perspiration.

“Down here.” Mando rasps, leading you to find him positioned up on the floor. You squat, careful not to touch any part of him when you extend your hand.

“H-Here, right in front of you,” You choke out, wound tightly in on yourself. His fever is palpable even with your distance, the warmth permeating the space between you. It’s a welcome break from the beskar he usually wears.

Something constricts in your chest, and it dawns on you again - probably entirely too late - that the Mandalorian is naked. Even though you knew he’d be. And of course he is. He doesn’t shower with the fucking armour on, but you’d blocked the idea off. Until now. Now, it’s real, and tangible, and so, so close. You can touch him, should you please. He needs you to.

‘But he doesn’t want you to,’ you remind yourself, ‘not really.’

You stay in place until Mando’s inaction becomes too much to bear. He hasn’t taken the pills off you yet. The shower rains down on you, thoroughly soaking your hair, causing your leggings to cling to you like a second skin.

You inch closer. His thigh grazes your knee.

Closer. The space grows tighter.

Closer still. His head is within your reach, hot breaths fanning across your neck.

Then, Mando’s ungloved hand spreads up your waist. Through the wet material of your shirt, the callouses and scars he’s earned over the years greet you. Your forearm comes to rest lightly atop his chest. The pills start to dissolve in your palm.

Your cunt weeps, throbbing in need, and you determine to make this quick. Boldly, rashly, you search for his mouth. You accidentally meet his cheek instead, a rough stubble peppering the expanse of it. Your fingertips trace the pinpricks down to a pronounced chin, then up, up, finding the bump of his lips with little else than a spluttered gasp.

When you push the medication onto his tongue, it vibrates with a guttural moan. His mouth is impossibly hotter than he is, like buttered silk along your skin. His touch roams along you as the muscle does much the same, swirling between your digits, tasting the desire that undoubtedly drips from your fingertips. Maker, he’s an expert with it; you have to bite back the desperate whine his ministrations inspire. Because you can’t. You can’t.

It takes every atom in you to pull away. Your entire body complains, seizing with unrestrained lust, and it’s hard to remember why exactly you want to be anywhere but here. Your core, your gut, your heart; they’re all set on the compelling Mandalorian in front of you. But there’s a tiny voice that manages to scream louder than all else. It convinces you that this isn’t fair, what you’re doing to him – and it’s right. Every single dream and reverie you’ve pondered on had included Mando as an active participant, either the instigator or sober partner to your filth. And sure, his actions may be disproving you at the moment, but what happens when he comes to his senses? When he remembers how you had let him fuck you when he was so clearly ill?

You can’t do that to him.

So, you peel his hand off from where it nips at your thigh and carefully move away. You’ve opened your eyes at some point, yet you still can’t see, the room shrouded in perpetual darkness. Consequently, your remaining senses heighten, and you’re able to step further back when Mando moans out an incoherent protest and reaches for you. If he pulls you back, you don’t think you’d be able to leave again.

“Mesh’la… Cle-Clever girl, please.” His leg knocks yours. You give his calf a reassuring squeeze.

“I… I can’t, Mando.” He’s the sick one, but a cry escapes you all the same. “You’ll be okay, I promise. Just hang in there.”

And, despite the way both him and your body howl at you, you leave him like that.

#din djarin #the mandalorian #x reader #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian x reader #star wars #pedro pascal #baby yoda #grogu #fanfiction #series #angst #smut #fluff #The Remedy #reader insert #friends to lovers #sorry for this one everybody

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anthonybialy · 6 months

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Aging Biden Not Much Worse

A ghastly liar whose appalling ideology inflicts tremendous harm on the nation and this world has had a high quantity of birthdays. Joe Biden is older than you, almost certainly by percentage. Take comfort in knowing he was a jerk when he looked like the photo on his driver’s license.

Biden would’ve sucked as president in 1988. Does that make today feel more bearable? The observable decline began in law school, where the incumbent began flaunting his fondness for filching the work of others. A thorough phony got derailed like his beloved Amtrak by plagiarism, which was a hobby he began in law school.

Present depressed primary followers should’ve remembered why even Michael Dukakis was more plausible. The technical village elder repulses for reasons beyond a scandal too mortifying even for career politicians, namely demonstrably woeful results.

Biden was a dreadful moron during the Nixon presidency. Age is about 17th on the troublesome issue list with a expert inflation creator and putzing leader. The truly frightening moments during his regrettable moments speaking in public aren’t when he’s shrouded in mental fog: it’s what he believes during those rare glimpses when he’s coherent.

Fossils who suffer from memory issues sometimes show who they were before losing sharpness. In Biden’s case, he lashes out over his own shortcomings. A full-time yapper’s disheartening speeches would be incoherent either way.

A hoary ideology is worse than the geezer who adheres to it. Biden’s obtuse take on human nature was discredited since even before he entered politics.

Our president is consistent. Biden has been a prick in every decade. An empty life spent being fully unpleasant is reflected in results, which is why he despises them. The educated dunce’s obsession with letting graduates learn to duck responsibility is partly ideological, but he’s deeply committed personally to unaccountability.

It’s tough to understand others without doing what they do. The president has no idea. Empathy might help if he possesses any, so forget it. Biden put the practice in law. Those few sketchy years before running for the Senate showed his connection with commoners.

An ostensible president’s struggles with words and thoughts has been reflected in his personality long before the traditional quitting age. Nastily nonsensical political takes aren’t something he unveiled at his 80th birthday party. The simpleton-in-chief’s deterioration was only partially in effect when he calmly and rationally claimed Mitt Romney was hellbent on reinstating slavery.

Every single thing Biden has ever believed has been proven wrong. If he claims the Sun will rise tomorrow, count on perpetual darkness. Biden eclipses common sense. The presidential cretin’s decrepitude didn’t just start when he entered his ninth decade. Anyone who’s endured the misfortune of hearing him speak before he somehow ascended to the government’s highest office can testify.

The president’s lickspittles wish they could preserve his awful ideas without having to deal with the awful person. Amateurish professional political scientists are unable to change the status quo despite claiming to be good liberals. Aside from the irony that alleged upheaval aficionados have gotten everything they’ve wanted while holding power, they just don’t have anyone new to sell anciently terrible notions.

The 2020s are the decade where emboldened elderly show they’re still capable of being power-hungry inept fools leading particularly woeful cults. As a result of their dedication to refusing to release the grasp on authority, this is shaping up to be the worst election possible. It’s not just because their combined ages sound made up. The alarming number is 159 counting the miserable challenger’s pending joyless birthday.

Terribleness is bipartisan. There would’ve been dreadful consequences for America if Trump had commandeered the Republican Party 36 years ago despite having no principles aside from wanting to boss around people. The only upside would’ve been getting this horrendous bout out of the way so we wouldn’t still be dreading another root canal of a term. Saddam Hussein would presently be residing in a palace in Kuwait too gaudy for everyone except Trump.

I simply can’t believe an all-time nitwit is diminishing. It’s not a far fall. Biden has always been wrong about everything even before he lost count of how many grandchildren he is. Pop-Pop has always wanted American power invested in the IRS, not the Defense Department. As a throwback, he was wrong about how to win the Cold War and resisting Ronald Reagan’s tax cuts. A supreme failure got the dreadful policies he wanted just like he would’ve in the previous century.

Biden helpfully illustrates why being president is not necessarily an accomplishment. Conservatives who hope to diminish executive power can at least thank him for showing why concentrated power is frightening. Biden’s sole contribution is making that goal more likely. Of course, the doltish head of state is only helpful inadvertently. You’ve seen the consequences of his deliberate attempt at assistance, and Americans remain more broke than when he decided to make everyone rich.

The real president will continue to be marionettists who are as bad at manipulating their ostensible boss as they are leaving Americans alone. The pushy scheme of furtive will editors revolves around keeping their figurehead in place. He cooperates, sort of. For someone loath to work, Biden won’t retire. That’s because he’s never tried hard.

#Joe Biden #presidency #2024 presidential election #big government

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ghoul-haunted · 10 months

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fellas, not to call anyone a limp dick liberal, but when you're making your 'vote biden' posts, you have to stop using 'I' statements when making your sales pitch. you sound like the White Man in the 1800s, and you're actually making people who are on the fence with voting pivot in the opposite direction of what you want because you're giving Manifest Destiny, you're giving White Man's Burden, you're giving Imperialista Chic. it's bad! it's a real bad look!

the point of contention right now, the deciding factor, is that genocide is bad. I should not have to explain to anyone that 'less bad genocide' is not the sales pitch you think it is. if you start off your 'vote the dems,' pitch with saying trump will do a worse genocide, you're actually reinforcing the imperialist standpoint that some people are disposable for YOUR political praxis. you are helping trump get elected.

its not good! especially because the people who are not voting biden have lost their families to this. I'VE LOST PEOPLE TO THIS. I have lost people to US imperialism for years, and voted blue anyway, but I WILL NOT BE VOTING BIDEN UNLESS BIDEN CALLS FOR A CEASEFIRE

here's the bit! here's the thing! I also don't want a republican presidency! I also think it's weird that all of you are focusing on Trump when it's half likely he'll get kicked off the tickets because he'll get criminally convicted of something, so like. either keep up with it or shut up. so because I don't want a republican to win, I'm going to do what a normal person does:

WHICH IS NOT. CONCEDE. MY VOTE. WITHOUT DEMANDING. ACTION. IN RETURN FOR IT. BECAUSE POLITICIANS. CAN BE CONVINCED. TO ACT. IN ACCORDANCE. WITH THE PEOPLE. IF YOU THREATEN THEIR HOLD ON POWER.

if you want biden to get elected, what you should do is encourage people to tell biden, or any rep associated with biden, that they will vote him out UNLESS he calls for a ceasefire

there's nothing politicians are scared of more than losing power. they're all the same in this regard. also if your election comes down to future genocide vs current genocide, what you do is overthrow the government, or force the imperialist hegemony you currently have to deal with to Stop.

the people that biden has lost are marginalized people who have suffered under US imperialism. that is the voting bloc he has lost. asking those people to vote for their oppressor because he's better for you personally is both racist and imperialist and I'm telling you to get your shit together and understand that you're making the wrong argument. in this election, you tell people the better option that if he wants power, he listens to the people NOW.

I don't care if you're going 'well my survival depends on it,' because what you're saying to people like me, to my friends, to the families who have scores of dead, that your survival has an acceptable body count. that you're a Real Person and everyone else is Theoretical.

also literally, it's like

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chargetheintruder · 1 month

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Something's gone wrong.

Well, okay, I'll level with you, lots of things have gone wrong. That's my fatal flaw: I can't multitask for shit, and I've had to juggle things alongside my health's getting worse and worse . . . and well, I am going to hit a breaking point soon. Something's going to fail within me soon, and I might end up in a nursing home or a psych ward or something if I don't get enough time this month to see a proper doctor and find out what actually IS wrong with me. And yes, it could be the public housing authority that pushes me too hard, or the so-called "healthcare provider" either one.

And at that point I will have to start telling people, as much as possible, that I've failed them, that I've failed you, and that I am sorry my body and mind aren't good enough for this world.

But this isn't what I'm talking about mainly.

What's on my mind is this: We've been doing things right, if not well, so far, in terms of replacing Joe Biden in this election, and yet, things are still really off. In spite of the enthusiasm.

What I mean by this is simply: sure, ridicule and understatement DO throw off control-freaks and fascists. But that by itself has never worked in terms of keeping a dictator out of power. At some point the wannabe tyrants show up with guns. And that might not even be Trump and his--it might be others acting "in the name of" Trump and his.

It would be Prudent As Fuck to have more than one Plan B for dealing with this. Trump's sentencing, for his 34 guilty counts, is one Plan B, but it won't be much of a Plan B if he doesn't go to prison, and/or if others are willing and able to raise hell "in his name" no matter what the sentence is.

No, seriously. Ask yourself: what happens when Kamala Harris has to raise her voice and say MORE THAN "I'm speaking"? Does this Tim Walz have it in him to shout an enemy down? So far the "light touch, let them own themselves" approach has worked wonders, but at some point soon it won't. The other side has DONE one insurrection already, on January 6th, 2020. They will do another one, and worse.

And these ARE the same people who routinely shoot women of color dead FOR speaking. Yes, the other side still believes they have the police in their pockets.

So, there needs to be three or four Plans B, or contingencies, just in case Trump's sentencing doesn't do anything productive. The meathead side of the alt-right needs to be preempted and shut down before they get it together and try anything forceful. That is absolutely necessary: they already have their book in their hands, sponsored by J.D. Vance, that has written the rest of us off as "not human."

I'm serious. You shut down shit like what Trump and his pulled on 1/6 by making sure the threat CAN'T do what they intend to do. You cut off their communication, get them disagreeing with each other, make weapons or ammo difficult to access, restrict their transportation so they can't get there in time. The one thing we've been able to do in the 2020 election and since then, is out-maneuver the threat to society. So the short timetable works in our favor. We, the rest of us, have to make plans to slowroll them on a stochastic level, make sure that NONE of their plans or methods work WHEN they want them to work, WHERE they want them to work.

(and yes, it goes without saying: vote early, and vote by mail as soon as you get the chance to, on the first day you can. Get it done so you don't have to multitask that, even if it is a manual straight-ticket, alongside keeping the meatheads and the threat crowd off-balance and out of step)

But yeah. Our backups need backups, because Harris and Walz might not be ready, if Team Traitor over there decides to go insurgent early and often.

#personal #U.S. politics #tactics #contingencies #Plan B C and D #for when the light touch fails #because some weirdoes will get guns when you laugh at them #among other concerns #like the other side still pulling inversions #and dehumanizing us #calling US perverts

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lepartidelamort · 7 months

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A Total Reevaluation of the 2024 Election

Due to extreme changes in the global and domestic situations, my views on the upcoming 2024 election have changed drastically in the last several months, it’s appropriate I give a basic outline of what my positions were and what they are now.

Infamously, I had said since 2024 that there is zero chance Donald Trump can win the 2024 election. The argument was that it simply does not make sense that the Democrats stole the 2020 election (something which I assert is incontrovertible fact), face zero consequences, and then not continue to steal elections. I also pointed out that the amount of fraud in the 2022 election was probably even worse than two years earlier.

In order for there to be a fair election, I assert, the US would have to be under some form of martial law. Currently, there is no other mechanism to prevent massive fraud. Without going into too many details about the fraud, which I’ve covered extensively elsewhere, it is a very simple process which simply involves controlling the vote count in a handful of blue cities in otherwise red states (Michigan, Wisconsin, Arizona, Pennsylvania, and Georgia).

The only way to prevent this fraud would be to send in the military to monitor these sites, as well as sites in other potential swing states. Obviously, that is not going to happen. Nothing is going to happen, other than exactly what happened in 2020 and 2022. The plan is to run the election the exact same way. Congress has taken zero action against the mail-in voting and ballot harvesting system. (This is the mechanism through which the election was stolen; it was not rigged machines, which was a red herring pushed by Sydney Powell and Rudy Giuliani, both bad actors who crippled Trump’s ability to create a cohesive response to the fraud in 2020). Further, Democrats have made it even easier for non-citizens to vote (which is a lesser factor in the fraud than the mail-in ballots, but still a relevant factor).

The arguments from people who agree that 2020 was a massive fraud and who also argue Trump can win in 2024 are not coherent. If I were to do my best to steelman their argument: they claim that Biden is so unpopular that the voter fraud will be overwhelmed by so many votes for Trump. If Trump were to get 70% of the votes in these swing states, surely that would be too much for the fraudsters to handle, they argue. However, this goes against what we all witnessed in 2020, which was that they shut down the counting centers, and brought in new ballots. The entire media said this was normal. That included Fox News. There were no riots, there were no mobs with torches and pitchforks showing up at the counting centers. Some Trump supporters in their cuck-muzzles showed up to complain, and in Detroit, they literally locked the doors and covered the windows with cardboard.

When people reacted to these shocking images, the shameless lugenpresse then published headlines like this:

The response from the Trump base was January 6, which was a total setup by the feds to create an atrocity narrative around the election, and an excuse to effectively outlaw any further discussion of the matter. This all worked. Trump agreed to leave the White House, Joe Biden was inaugurated. The January 6 protesters were subjected to Bolshevik type political imprisonment, torture, and show trials. And that was that.

Trump could win 100% of the vote in swing states, and it wouldn’t matter. There is no one to stop the fraud, and there is no one to investigate it. The 2024 election cannot be legitimate. It is impossible.

However, what we must realize is that the only thing that the fraud actually proves is that US elections are not decided by vote count. Although this does prove that Trump cannot win, it does not prove that Trump cannot “win,” i.e., be selected and appointed president through the fraudulent electoral system.

Before the October 7 attack on Israel by Hamas, and the ensuing Israeli response, there was no reason to believe the people with the power to rig elections would want Trump back in office. Now, there is a big reason to believe that: Trump is a diehard Israel supporter. Although he had said little about the ongoing situation in Gaza (presumably because it is so unpopular, even with Republicans), on Tuesday he told Fox News Israel should “finish the job,” suggesting full support for everything the IDF is doing in Gaza.

What is the job that needs finished, Donald? Killing the rest of the kids in Gaza? Invading Southern Lebanon, ostensibly to “create a buffer” against Hezbollah rockets that are hitting Northern Israel? Wiping out the Houthis? Invasions of Iraq and Syria? An invasion of Iran?

Whatever it is, it’s a big job. And it is certainly not an “America First” job. Virtually no one in America wants a region-wide war in the Middle East, and the people who do want it are too stupid to understand the implications.

Israel has an incredible sway over America’s foreign and domestic policy, through all sorts of mechanisms. The biggest mechanism is obviously just money; the Jewish lobby just pays politicians. But we should also consider that the presumed Mossad agent Jeffrey Epstein’s sexual blackmail ring was almost certainly just one of many Israeli intelligence operations designed to control powerful people in the US. There are many reasons to believe that the Israelis and their American supporters would be able to engineer a Trump election victory in 2024 if they believed it benefited them. I think at this point, given the problems that Biden is facing, and this signaling from Trump, it is very easy to assume that the entire Israeli government wants Trump 2024.

Donald Trump is not stupid. He understands everything stated above about the nature of the election fraud system. What he is doing is appealing to the Jews to allow him to become president again in exchange for full support of their agenda in the region. What that support would entail is not calculable. The overwhelming majority – probably more than 95% – of white males who would be useful to the US military (young, intelligent, fit, competent, brave) are devoted Trump-supporters, and if he called on them to fight a war with Iran, there would be lines out of the military recruitment centers stretching around the block. Trump has a special leadership quality that masculine men a magnetically drawn to, and this gives him the ability to command his young millions to fight a war. This is primal, an atavistic element of male psychology. Very few of these young men will consider the implications.

Although I try to avoid getting too conspiratorial in my analyses, I certainly would not be surprised if there was a 911 type attack on America, and Iran was blamed for it, providing a casus belli that goes beyond “we have to protect Israel.”

Trump Isn’t Actually a Threat to Anything Jews Care About

Aside from the Israelis and the hardline Israel supporters, you will probably see a lightening of the rhetoric about Trump from American Jews, if it is fully established that he is the Israeli candidate.

The assumption that Trump would never be allowed back into office was based on the amount of vitriol aimed at Trump by the Jewish establishment, white women, immigrants, and various other goons of the American Empire. However, the emotionally unhinged reactions to Trump did not ever line-up with reality. Trump did not do any of the things his enemies claimed he would do.

He didn’t build a wall or do mass deportations of immigrants.

He didn’t end the conflict with Russia, and in fact sent weapons to the Ukraine after Obama had refused.

He didn’t dissolve NATO.

He didn’t stop the Black Lives Matter riots, he didn’t stop the coronavirus lunacy, he actually supported the mass vaccination campaign.

He did not “drain the swamp,” and in fact appointed only the worst swamp creatures to offices of relevance.

Although he didn’t start any new wars, which was maybe impressive, he failed to end any conflict excluding in Syria (where the Russians probably deserve a lot more credit than him), and continued many neocon policies, including escalations against Iran. He also supported the Saudi war against the Houthis.

He did more for Israel than he did for America, giving them sovereignty over the Golan Heights, moving the US embassy to Jerusalem (a symbolic gesture saying that there will never be a two-state solution), and organized the Abraham Accords, which denied the existence of Palestine, gave Islamic states ridiculous incentives (bribes, really) to normalize relations with Israel, and were arguably a precursor to the current situation in Palestine.

I want to note that I still have fond feelings towards Trump, and believe he wanted to do good things for the country. I don’t think he was “in on it,” I think he was just not capable of really doing anything, and ended up choosing the path of least resistance. I also fully understand why so many people want him back in office. Obviously, regardless of the list of problems above, the country was much better when he was president.

The American Jewish hysteria surrounding Trump was not rational. It was purely based on fear of a masculine, white, aggressive leader. It was not based on an objective analysis of what he was capable of doing, or how anything he did would harm the Jews. I am reminded of Jewish “comedian” Sarah Silverman’s bit where she says that her (white, non-Jewish) boyfriend raising an American flag reminded her of Hitler and the Holocaust.

During a 2017 episode of the ironically titled “I Love You, America,” Silverman said:

I had a boyfriend many years ago, he was my first boyfriend who had his own house, and one day I went outside to see what he was doing, and he was hoisting an American flag up the flagpole in his front yard. And I instantly felt very weird. It didn’t make sense, but I felt this feeling of like, um, I felt scared – yeah, I felt scared. So I was like, ‘Uh, what are you doing?’ and he said, ‘Raising the flag,’ and I was like, ‘Why?’ and he’s like, ‘Um, because I love America?’ and I was like, ‘Right, right, of course.’ But inside I was shaken. And then I calmly walked to my car and I got inside and I called my sister Susie to tell her what happened. Now, maybe you’re thinking, ‘What do you mean what happened? Nothing happened, your boyfriend put an American flag up at his own house.’ No, you’re totally right, I had no idea why I was freaking out. I just – I had this very visceral reaction and my sister, who knows shit because she’s a rabbi in Israel, explained to me, she was like, ‘Dude, nationalism is innately terrifying for Jews. Think about it: flags, marching, blind allegiance? These things tend to ring a bell for us.’ Right. Of course. Duh. It made sense.

This more or less totally explains the screeching we saw from the Jews about Donald Trump. This inexplicable neurosis would of course be overpowered, in the case of many Jews, by the perceived need to protect Israel. Jews tacitly supporting Donald Trump for the sake of protecting Israel could be compared to a starving man engaging in cannibalism.

You could, and probably will, see the media falling back in their attacks on Trump. They will still attack him, but they will tone it down. In particular, they will start admitting he is likely to win, and publishing polls showing that. And then, on election night, they may well behave very differently than they did in 2020, calling states early for Trump.

The majority of the remainder of the “resistance” to Trump came from women and millennials (as well as some other emotionally volatile people like Keith Olbermann) related to the idea that Trump reminded them of their hated fathers. These people are irrelevant. They don’t control the media.

The Potential to Replace Biden Still Exists

It was conceivable that Nikki Haley would play some significant role in this election cycle, potentially running as a third party candidate. However, after she dropped out this week, and given the way she dropped out, that no longer seems very likely. There is still a chance Biden could be replaced by the Democrat Party with someone who would be considered viable by enough of the power brokers to be installed in November.

Biden certainly appears to be completely burned. The way his administration has managed the Ukraine and Israel situations, along with the man’s cartoonish senility, means that reelecting him would create much more instability in the US.

In theory, his administration supports Israel just as much as Donald Trump. The problem is, none of his voters do, and they are protesting against him. If Trump was president, he could do what he couldn’t manage to do with BLM, and shut down the Palestine protests.

In a modern liberal democracy, you don’t need public support for any policy. A democracy government is always just a puppet of private interest groups, and the population has no ability to influence state decisions. The only threat is domestic upheaval, which is generally extremely unlikely in a democracy, given that people will usually simply say “well, I’ll vote for the other guy next time” instead of going into the streets and creating chaos. However, if Biden is reinstalled as president in November, and the wars continue, the economy turns down, the crime and immigrant situation keeps getting more extreme, you could end up in a situation where no matter how hard the media lies, his real level of support is below 15%. At that point, you are moving into a very precarious situation, where you could start seeing real political violence that threatens the country’s basic stability. There is a switch that can be flipped in the collective psyche of a human population where they, almost simultaneously, become violently enraged, and start acting on that. Right now, Biden’s Israel policy and his immigration invasion both threaten to trigger this collective psychological mechanism.

There is still a chance that Biden is switched out for some other Democrat candidate, which would most likely be Gavin Newsom (although others have claimed Michelle Obama is the more likely option). If this happens, then there is a possibility or probability that the Democrats will continue in power. However, if this doesn’t happen, I’m going to go on a crypto betting website and put a lot of money on Donald Trump winning the 2024 election.

A Personal Note

I hate saying all of this. As the longtime readership is aware, I endorsed Donald Trump in 2015 immediately after his declaration. No matter what happens, the night of the 2016 election will always be one of the greatest nights of my life.

I understand fully that the idea of Donald Trump becoming the bad guy, of starting a major war and sending our boys to go die for Israel in some massive region-wide Middle East mega-war, is extremely painful to even consider.

But I have to tell the truth, and we all have to live in reality if we want to be real human beings loyal to God, to each other, and to ourselves. Not recognizing what is going on here, or denying it, cannot have any good outcomes.

Although I’ve been mentioning that Trump could be the Israel candidate for a while now, it was after his “finish the job” statements Tuesday, where in so many word he explicitly endorsed the entire Israel war agenda, it became necessary to give a full outline of what I think is going on, which is what I’ve done here.

I also have to note that this whole thing is such an unbelievable mess, with so much chaos in the government and seemingly no one really in charge, that it is impossible to make any prediction with any degree of certainty. Predictions about politics are primarily based on game theory, analysis of the motives of rational actors, and from what we’ve seen, no one is really acting rationally (with the exception of Trump, who is acting rationally by appealing directly to Jews and offering unlimited support for their war effort in exchange for an election victory).

No one in the Biden Administration is capable of acting rationally. They continue to back themselves into corners. This Ukraine situation has always been lunacy. Or, at least it was lunacy after the sanctions didn’t collapse the Putin government. The original plan for the war was really about the Russian economy: they believed that they could crush the ruble, which would cause a color revolution ending in Putin being replaced with Alexi Navalny. When that didn’t happen, the only rational move would be to agree to give Putin the Donbass then claim victory because “Putin was stopped from moving further.” Instead, they’ve continued to do things that make zero sense, from really any angle.

Maybe more importantly going forward, the Bibi Netanyahu government, which I’ve asserted would be in charge of a potential Trump administration, is not acting rationally. The assumption that no Arab state is capable of mobilizing against them, along with the assumption that the Sunni-Shia split is something permanent and that some form of alliance between Turkey and Iran is always impossible, are not rational assumptions. These are very dangerous gambles, which could, and honestly, probably will, result in the destruction of the Zionist entity.

I don’t claim to have insider information, and I am not a wizard, so the only ability I have is to analyze the data we do have, and do my best to make sense of it. The correct analysis, in the end, has to be: anything could happen. Biden could die before the election, Trump could be elected and then die, there is probably some nonzero chance Nikki Haley becomes president somehow, there could be a major terrorist attack or a very serious war could break out before the election and those scenarios could mean who even knows what.

Here’s the only thing I know for certain: there’s an ill wind that blows nobody good.

#dailystormer #trump 2024

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the-firebird69 · 1 year

Text

There's a few more things I want to say it was backed into him with a couple of heavy pieces of equipment now what he's doing is extremely illegal I didn't see people watching and make sure he's not doing it for real and that kind of stuff. Then we've arrested them all in the past. We pull in those say they're controlling him and so forth as well every time and we're getting sick of it they all say the same thing it seems like he's having us do it and he is and he started hitting him a long time ago but and we do it because we know what he's up to and it was a long time ago he doesn't remember it and he just keeps doing it and thinks we Fall for stuff. It's very annoying and it sits there in the conversation and says okay you're still falling for it and he does it every time it's extremely annoying we do know who's holding in here at this time. We started to call them in, in a serious way of 10 years ago now it's 12 years ago and we're murdering them all and we still are it's his clones and his clan. We decided also to dissect him that's what he's doing next door and of course we've done that and we do it every so often and they found out she's going after people still it's going after people in punta Gorda that's what he's doing it for and tons of people figured out something he's going after the higher-ups and using a method. And he's using those pieces of heavy equipment as a way to say it and signal it and on how to do it it's also saying about us if we're loading their stuff up to get control of the machine. We did a study we figured out it's mostly about you guys believe it or not. And he saw what garth did, and Garth's got information. So we checked out why I did it and that's one of the reasons and the other was to threaten our son into staying here no it's right in him and he wants stuff and sometimes you don't get anything for that I'm going to give you like 5 oz of lead each of your eyeball. For sure that's exactly what you're going to get cuz I'm going to do it for him coming up pretty soon too and make sure you feel it cuz you're a big insensitive a****** now you say a lot of stuff to us you're going to pay for it. Right now we have about 45,000 people in punta Gorda and Port Charlotte who are done in for your people Trump it is a good reason for it it's not what you're doing and they figured out where it goes and it went to them and to their people and they're not even Max and figured it out cuz he's sitting there talking to you when you're fussing when he's going to look at the mattress it wouldn't shut your mouth about what you wanted to do and what he's doing and you keep saying they'll do this to you guys and that and then start telling them him I said this is the way up and I meant this and he was sitting there and raged I didn't want to do any deal and buy anything from you on the way out have sunset I can't afford anything in there but at least I know how those rolled up ones work and you couldn't hear him he'll listen outside with gear it's Wheeling away and he said on purpose cuz he knows that people like you listen you're mean and try to use this excuse. And he said one more threat like that I'm going to pull your butt head off. And you didn't do any more what he means is I'm going to reach into your stupid cabin and kill you or cab but we know now is we have to get rid of you all this talk he says is a waste of time when this one person needs to be burned and we agree put my life in jeopardy and we did see that and we know that he's a threat what we say now is Garth is going to die and you are that's going to die in a fiery crash in a spaceship. You want our son on life support going to be general grievous and die in combat like you said about him, it's going to happen to Brad too the same treatment a little bit worse cuz he's more of an idiot pig so you can sit there and count your blessings and every time you do we're going to make you smaller so you get closer to those goals and we are slaughtering your armies.

Tonight thus far and it's only been 2 hours from 7:00 and that's kind of when he went to take a nap a little earlier have been some changes

Trump's forces ran up to the front and we're driven in and right into the hole actually no they went up to it and they're fighting clones and were wiped out rather quickly. He sent up more and more at the end of the 3-hour tour he had sent and two of their death I want 4 million octillion trumpsters that's a big chunk of their population it's about a third. Before I can send any more Alicia said no and there forces the stopped going. And the plums kept doing at 2 million actually more and they only have 6 million octillion left but there's about 10 million I'll tell you an offspring so there's a little war going on between them right now bja is up there fighting and he had a contingent it was pretty big about 7 million octillion those are huge numbers okay. And it waged on for a Time and he's down to about 1 million octillion he decided he can't do anything his decided to pull out and he can't is trapped so he tried fighting forwards and lost and all of them are gone between the two it's about 13 million octillion. And out of the number of morlock left and we said 30 million, almost half or cut out from that so theoretically 17 million octillion remain but the bases have been cleaned it out two or three times in the Western hemisphere already that's a million octillion so 16 million octane and they tried to fill up the Yucatan and Russia Canada Brazil you got Islands and Georgia and Alabama as well as the upper Midwest and the east and west side and it amounts to another 1.5 million octillion bring them to 14.5 million octillion in the past 3 hours but that's not all that's happening it has to become weaker and lose their hardware and influence this is what they're doing, they are losing people to a general order of Max and when the other peoples are following out of necessity mind you because you won't do anything correctly, and it cost you dearly the two to four million octillion and growing so now you're down to 10.5 million just like we thought it would be around this time it's a little later but it is a close assessment there's other fights going on but they don't amount to a few my comparison I was going to be a reckoning here we didn't want you sitting here harassing our son the max don't want you here harassing your son and hell your own people think it's stupid now you're a moron bothering him there's a lot of people organizing to stop you Trump and they should you're a huge detriment in the car and people are going to get back to you for what you're doing for sure and he said too all the time so we are going to quietly and calmly make sure you don't have any angle with us in any way we don't want you on our side about anything for Christ's sake you're an evil idiot and we don't like you I want you to know it and to remember it so here's what we're going to do every time you give us one of your yes bosses and start trying to do something here we're going to start executing your people all over the world just like a trigger that U-Haul and you use for our cause all the time she said there could be a trigger going off of you said constantly so in this case it's going to be real and it's going to be in your control kind of can you believe that and if you don't do the right things here it will affect you and you will be damaged very badly IE blown to smithereens so maybe you should put on your thinking cap

Thor Freya

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anexplanationofunfortunateevents · 3 years

Text

the darkest hour, one year later

The thing I have been thinking since January 6th, 2021 is that we have been on this path for almost exactly twenty years. Specifically, since December 12th, 2000.

Unlike 1/6, December 12th is not a date which has lived in infamy. (I had to look it up myself, I thought it might have been the 19th.) But it was the extremely consequential day when the United States Supreme Court handed down the lawless, intellectually dishonest, and unimaginably consequential decision in Bush v. Gore, which forced the state of Florida to stop its attempt to determine who had won the razor-close election for its presidential electors. This effectively handed the presidency to Bush, who received about 500,000 fewer votes than Vice President Gore – and who, a completed recount by press organizations showed a few months later, received fewer votes in the state of Florida.

Sure, it sounds bad if you describe it that way, and a lot of people said so at the time. But if you put it into the context of what led up to the decision, it actually looks a whole lot worse. It wasn’t the closeness of Florida’s election which dragged things out for over a month after the election. It was the Bush campaign doing everything it could to sabotage the recount, and the entire Republican establishment rallying behind him. “Everything” included something that’s been remembered as the “Brooks Brothers riot,” where a bunch of young Republican staffers charged into a Miami elections office and physically intimidated a bunch of local officials and volunteer poll workers into giving up on counting their constituents’ votes. And one reason Florida was even close enough to be swung by a 1/6-style mob attack was that the state’s Republican governor, who happened to be Bush’s little brother, had recently overseen a racist voter purge which secretly struck thousands of people (mostly Black Democrats) off the voter rolls.

So, to recap: Republicans tried to sabotage an election with shady bureaucratic antics in areas that most people assumed were apolitical. When that appeared not to have worked, they physically assaulted a government building where an important post-election procedure was being carried out. The violent attack bought enough time for a government institution with only tenuous democratic legitimacy to swoop in and decide “votes don’t count and we’re going to install the person who didn’t win over the public.” It does not strike me as farfetched that Trump and his henchmen thought that if they did steps one and two, then step three would work. Again.

Frustratingly, the small-d democratic failure of the 2000 election, if it’s remembered at all, tends to be decontextualized from what are broadly agreed to have been the policy failures of the Bush regime. But the clarity of 1/6 should make us reconsider. The Bush administration ignored expert warnings that the extremist Osama bin Laden and his terrorist organization al Qaeda were “determined to attack inside the United States,” and then once the warnings it had ignored proved prescient, it exploited the tragedy as an opportunity to seize a conventional strongman posture, conflating loyalty to the nation with political obsequiousness to the Dear Leader. Republican campaigns depicted opposition candidates as terrorists, simply because they were the political opposition.

The Bush regime used its control of the intelligence agencies to manipulate the press, the public, and elected officials into going along with a war of choice. It was a catastrophically bad choice on its own merits, and they went about it in a way that temporarily shielded them from constitutional checks on or democratic accountability for its bad choice. It locked people up in secret offshore prisons, publicly said it didn’t even have to show cause to arrest those people, and literally tortured them. That is a small-d democratic catastrophe.

The same Department of Justice that defended the government’s authority to kidnap and torture people also used its authority to harassand even imprisonpoliticians who it saw as potential opposition leaders. After the voters had the temerity to give Democrats a majority in the 2006 midterms, DOJ leadership demanded that US attorneys abuse their power to prosecute meritless cases of “voter fraud” and then purged the department of prosecutors who refused to frame innocent people for crimes in support of a political narrative aimed at delegitimizing the opposition’s victory.

Throughout it all, Fox News blasted a constant stream of Radio Rwanda-style propaganda demonizing the political opposition, and when that got boring, inciting violence against health care providers. This, too, was deliberately aimed at sabotaging democratic accountability – and it worked.

We have been on this path for a very long time.

So no. I am not surprised in the least that Republican officials and establishment right-wing media have found ways to rationalize defending Trump and propagating the Big Lie. I am a little surprised that many of them even hesitated and most of them even seem embarrassed about it. (Bush himself, to his credit, has denounced the 1/6 rioters in quite literally the strongest possible terms, calling them “children of the same foul spirit” as the hijackers who murdered thousands of people on 9/11. I am mildly curious what’s changed his mind.)

You might be thinking, “look, those weren’t exactly Rhodes scholars waving zipties and literally smearing poop all over the Capitol, I doubt they had much in-depth knowledge of recent American history.” But the 1/6 rioters weren’t the only insurrectionists. They had leaders like Trump’s campaign adviser and friend Roger Stone, who has taken credit for the Brooks Brothers riot, and Senator Ted Cruz, who worked on the Bush campaign’s legal team. These people knew exactly what they were doing, because they know exactly what they did before.

Moreover, even if you think political history begins with Trump, he and his supporters had every reason to believe that breaking the rules would be rewarded. Even if you accept that there is real democratic legitimacy – which isn’t the same thing as formal legality – to someone losing by millions of votes but still winning the election, elections have rules for a reason. Those rules include things like “a candidate can’t ask for or accept millions of dollars worth of opposition research and voter outreach from anyone, including foreign intelligence agencies” and “representatives of a campaign can’t pay hush money to the candidate’s ex without reporting it as a campaign expense” and “the FBI director can’t abuse his position to tell the public repeatedly about how bad and crime-y a candidate who didn’t commit any crimes seems to him.” All that stuff happened and everyone decided to let Donald Trump be the president anyway! The Trump mob wasn’t delusional to think rules are irrelevant to whether or not Trump got to be president. In this, if nothing else, they were completely correct.

There’s a lot of talk about how bad it is that some people don’t accept the president’s legitimacy, and it’s actually a reassuring development that normie centrist commentators generally acknowledge the link between the violent extremism of the 1/6 insurrection and the rhetoric of the conservative base’s favorite media outlets. But the core problem is not that people believe something radical in its implications, it is that they are justifying radical and violent action by claiming to believe something which is not true. If they were correct – even if Trump’s henchmen did not have to go to such tellingly extreme lengths to create a pretext for them to make such claims – that would be a different story. This development in Trumpist politics is not dramatics, or even hypocrisy. It is raw projection. Donald Trump sees no value in the perceived legitimacy of American elections because he never won legitimately. He knows it and his most fervent supporters know it and they are and have always been desperate to scare the rest of us away from acknowledging and grappling with it. Every “review” or “investigation” into some new theory about how zombie Hugo Chavez teamed up with the Chinese Communist Party to hire a bunch of hackers which would make random poll workers steal physical ballots should remind us of the possibility that if the Trump campaign and its Russian co-conspirators didn’t manage to sabotage the vote counting in 2016 it wasn’t for lack of trying.

January 6th was a dark day. It is almost unbearably dark to say that we are still living under its shadow; almost unfathomably dark to say that we lived under its shadow for decades until most of us saw it for what it was. All of that is true.

What is also true is that January 6th was the day the darkness gambled its most potent weapon and lost. The proto-fascist creep that started metastasizing at the turn of the millennium depended on a lot of normal people being able to rationalize denial. It never posted its selfies on Facebook, it never beat up a cop with a fire extinguisher, it never seared itself into the world’s memory with rockets’ red glare and bombs bursting in air. It could still make the people who were correctly alarmed wonder if they were just being alarmists – or worse, if they were the ones harming democratic stability by raising existential questions that weren’t warranted. All of that is gone. The constant, frantic lies from the terrorists’ sympathizers, as dispiriting as they are to hear, are a desperate and doomed attempt to regain something they know they have destroyed.

We did not choose to make January 6th a dark day. We can choose to make it the darkest hour before the dawn.

#january 6th #trump insurrection #2020 election #2000 election #politics #history #democracy

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avewritesmr · 4 years

Note

hello hello, may i request prompt 37 (“is this some kind of joke?”) with jeonghan (seventeen) but,,, make it Angst?

Prompt: “Is this some kind of joke?”

Word Count: 1804 words

Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan x Male!Reader

Group: Seventeen

Genre: Angst

TW: there is mild cursing but nothing explicit

A/N: Sorry this took a while anonie, I am really happy to get back to writing though, if you want I might do a part 2 to this, hated leaving my baby so hurt in the end 💖

Jeonghan was scrolling through his camera role looking for a photo he had taken earlier of Joshua, he had complete control of the groups twitter that day and he was planning to use it to his full advantage in order to expose all his members.

His playful grin faded into a soft one when he found the picture he had been looking for right next to a picture of y/n pressing a kiss to his cheek.

He had yet to call y/n today and now that he saw the picture he wanted nothing more than to dial his boyfriends number and hear his voice.

Quickly selecting the picture with Joshua he clicks the tweet button without giving the action much second thought.

He waits a couple seconds before he reloads the app to see his tweet and his stomach drops, eyes widening.

That is the wrong photo, as quickly as his shaky fingers can move he works to delete the tweet, when he has it deleted he lets out a sigh of relief.

The dread is still ever present in his heart and his heart is still beating like he just ran a marathon, but that photo was not up for more than a minute and Jeonghan is going to pray that whoever saw it did not take a screenshot or save it.

His hands are shaking as he slides down on his bed, he squeezes his fingers tightly to try and stop the shaking, taking deep breaths to calm his heart beat.

Should he tell y/n? or a manager? maybe Seungcheol? Should he tell anyone at all?

It is almost as if God hears his questions and sends a reply because Seungcheol chooses this moment to walk into his room.

Seungcheol is about to say something but Jeonghan talks first, “I made a mistake.”

“Okay?” Seungcheol is looking at him in concern.

“I was going to post this silly picture of Joshua but I accidentally posted a picture with y/n and I deleted it in less than a minute but people must have already seen it.” Jeonghan feels the words tumble past his lips and his hands are shaking more than they were before, fingers cold and cramped.

He watches Seungcheol’s face change from concerned to shocked to slightly angry to concerned again.

“It is okay, you deleted it, so we just have to hope no one is going to re-post it right?”

Jeonghan hadn’t been expecting that response, in the few seconds of silence that passed he had expected Seungcheol to grab him and throw him out of the dorm telling him to leave the group as irrational as the thought was.

“What if they do?” Jeonghan asks, he feels nauseas and a little faint and the thought that he shouldn’t be this scared of people knowing he is in a relationship crosses his mind.

“We deal with it when it happens, right now I am gonna go talk to manager and you’ll go over to y/n’s dorm and give him a warning.” Seunghceol shoots him a reassuring smile but Jeonghan is anything but reassured.

Minutes ago he had been excited to call y/n, ease some of the stress the other was feeling from all the promotions he was doing for his album, but now just the idea of going to see the other makes Jeonghan wish the fan hanging from his ceiling would fall down and strike him dead.

Seungcheol can se the fear in his eyes and he moves forward to hug him, “It’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, there are worse things in the world than a boy who likes to kiss other boys.”

Jeonghan nods, he can’t agree more, but he worries that the general public doesn’t agree, he doesn’t know if the company agrees, and he doesn’t know if his career is standing on its last leg.

“I am sorry, all of you guys will get hurt by this.” The guilt trumps all emotions in that statement, the thought of his career coming to an end isn’t as scary as the thought that he might be dooming his friends careers as well. It isn’t fair.

“You don’t have to be, just go to y/n talk with him about it, I’ll work thigns out with management don’t worry.” Jeonghan nods hugging Seungcheol one more time before he grabs his coat and a face mask, he shoves his phone into his pocket unceremoniously, hell just go to y/n’s apartment, and try and figure out what to say on his way there.

He gets there too soon, the trip that usually feels like it drags on for way too long today feels like it finishes too quickly today despite Jeonghan making an effort to walk slower than he usually does.

He hesitates with his fingers hovering over the keypad before he decides to knock instead, his hands are sweaty and shaking, his stomach is knotted and uncomfortable, and his heart is beating so fast it is almost painful. He shakes his head in hopes of clearing it and forming some form of coherent sentence in his head.

y/n opens the door with a smile on his face, he is wearing a pair of jeans and a hoodie, he must have been getting ready to head out.

“Jeonghan? Why didn’t you just let yourself in?” y/n’s smile fades a little when he sees Jeonghan’s hunched figure, “Is something wrong?”

“I made a mistake, I am sorry.” The words leave Jeonghan’s mouth before he can think them through.

y/n’s eyebrows furrow and he moves aside beckoning Jeonghan into the apartment.

“Come in, take of your jacket and get comfortable then you can tell me.”

y/n closes the door and leans against it watching Jeonghan slip of his shoes and face mask, he doesn’t take off his jacket because his entire body feels like its been dipped in ice cold water.

“What’s wrong?” y/n asks the question again guiding Jeonghan into the living room.

Jeonghan shakes his hands lightly and swallows a lump in his throat trying to decide how to approach the situation, he can skip around it a little or get right to the point.

He surveys the room they’re in and judging by the packed backpack and clothes y/n is wearing there isn’t much time to waffle around so he gets right to the point.

“I acciedntly posted a photo of us together, while trying to post a picture of Joshua.” opposed to the last time when he told Jeonghan the words don’t come asily this time the come out as a forced breath and they make the air in the room feel like it has gotten so much colder.

“Is this some kind of joke?” he flinches at y/n’s harsh tone and looks up at him wide eyed, “If it’s a joke it isn’t very funny.”

Jeonghan shakes his head taking a step towards y/n, “It isn’t a joke, it was an accident and I took it down really quickly, and I came to tell you because I was scared if someone saved it they would start spreading it around.”

y/n scoffs, “An accident? Jeonghan you are probably going to end both of our careers, that isn’t a fucking accident.”

Jeonghan looks up at y/n with tears in his eyes, “I know, I know, but it really was an accident, you’re talking as if I did it on purpose but I didn’t.”

“It doesn’t matter if it was an accident or not, it was stupid, you should have been more careful.” y/n is glaring at him so intensely Jeonghan feels like there is laser coming out of the others eye and burning a hole into his head.

“But I took it down and nothing seems to have reappeared about it yet, maybe no one saw it, or they didn’t recognize you, please don’t be angry.” Jeonghan can feel the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over.

y/n just sighs rubbing at his forehead, “I don’t have time for this, I have to go for a radio show right now, so lets hope nothing pops up online.” He turns to look at Jeonghan his eyes still cold.

“We’ll figure this out later, you can wait here if you want.” y/n walks past Jeonghan and grabs his bag, slipping on his shoes, Jeonghan stands in his place and watches the older leave without so much as a second glance his way.

When he hears the front door close he lets go of his tears and sobs silently into his hands, worse than losing his career he might lose his boyfriend over this mistake, he thinks again that it isn’t fair, he shouldn’t have to be so scared about having a boyfriend.

When he feels like he has no more tears to cry he slips of his coat and deposits it on the coach moving to y/n’s room, he grabs on of the others hoodies and slips it over his head snuggling into the smell.

He curls up on the couch and prays that when y/n gets back he’ll be less angry and more understanding about the situation.

#svt #seventeen #yoon jeonghna #seventeen x reader #seventeen x male reader #male reader #kpop #kpop x reader #kpop x male reader #jeonghan x male reader #male reader fic #kpop angst #seventeen x reader angst #svt yoon jeonghan #male reader insert

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starlightomatic · 4 years

Text

the next county over had sponsored ads up for their “restaurant week” where they talked about how indoor dining is allowed, so i commented this

and can i say i am so, so deeply fucking tired of this. “they’ve taken precautions” probably means, like, they wipe down the tables or something. which does not matter and does not help because surface transmission of covid is not a thing.

and “if you feel unsafe, stay home” flips this over onto individuals to protect ourselves even though that’s not possible because some things are essential. plenty of workers can’t stay home. people still need to do things. irresponsible shit like indoor dining makes that riskier.

and fucking besides that? i should not have to stay home all the time! i should not be forced to live like this because people think lockdowns are evil because freedom of choice or whatever. i should not have to accept that the world is a virus-filled deathtrap that i have to hide from.

but people like her are incapable of understanding basic epidemiological facts that more spread makes things more risky for everyone.

or maybe worse, she does understand but is so deeply entrenched in “i only should have to think about how my actions affect me, not other people” that she straight up doesn’t care. in her view, if i want less risk i should just isolate fully and destroy my mental health (which is what i’ve been doing). i don’t have a right to ask society for less risk.

this is the fucking crux of conservatism. you don’t have a right to safety or health or care or food or shelter or happiness, you only have a right to unrestricted action. and that right is sacrosanct. that right supersedes anything and everything else.

never mind the fact that it actually... restricts my actions? but “if i do this i may contract a deadly disease” does not count as a restriction in their minds.

it’s an ideology that’s rotten to its core and yet it forms the basis of american values. there is a reason our covid case numbers have been so high compared to other countries, and it’s not just because of trump. although, trump’s presidency was also the result of this ideology.

i’m so fucking tired.

#covid #posted 1/21/21

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kob131 · 3 years

Note

So I saw MangaKamen's recent video on RWBY and two things spoke out to me personally; 1) Mangakamen is right about RWBY in the fact that they royally fucked over the situation in Atlas and 2) Robyn has no fucking right comparing her sembalance to Qrow's.

So we’re doing this again huh?

‘I am expressing my opinions and that may piss off someone of you- SO NO COMPLAINING!’

... Fun fact, in his video going after Cosmonaut Variety Hour’s video on Jojo, he directly criticizes him for apparently ‘trying to deflect criticism’ by labelling the video a rant. So know that when I saw that he’s just trying to deflect any backlash he gets here and he inevitably gets pissy about it.

Because this man cannot be consistent to save his life.

“I’m not unreasonable guys!”

No, you just consume and vomit up the points of people who are so deeply biased that they can’t be described as anything BUT unreasonable.

And I know this, because I remember watching his Volume 7 video and noticing he made a comparison between Jacques and Trump. Now as I’ve stated and shown- this doesn’t make sense. Many of Jacques’ policies and actions in the plot are counter indicative of the common liberal consensus of Trump (for example, Jacques is shown to mostly do this for his business while Trump acting for his business is the ONE thing he was never accused of). This is also not like Kamen’s style at all- he rarely if ever addresses politics in media.

.. And he didn’t. Because that point wasn’t his. I found out FMF said the exact same thing beforehand and Kamen is on record as watching his videos and following his Twitter. This combined with his blind acceptance of FloofArtist, someone who is even more biased than FMF due to personal feelings- I’m certain that a lot of what he says is just repeated from other people.

In all honesty, I have more respect for FMF. Because he at least isn’t as big a hypocrite nor is he copying other’s opinions even though it’s so far against his style it doesn’t make sense.

Okay so in his first section, he bitches about Cinder’s backstory.

First is that this should have happened in Volumes 4 and 5 because those had a focus on Cinder. Problem, Cinder has a focus in Volume 8 as well as Volume 7 and 6- She’s continually had focus ever since Volume 2. She wasn’t given any special treatment in Volumes 4 and 5, in fact she plays a similar role there as well. ... Except with Atlas, this place is were her abuse took place and her character arc here is learning from her mistakes, which are rooted in her abuse. It also shows how and why Salem got her to be loyal- by offering her a tiny bit of approval and support which she lacked. The same thing she did to Emerald, who is defecting in this Volume. It also gives the audience satisfaction when she does learn from her mistakes and succeeds. So for all he questions about why it is here- He doesn’t even consider a very blatant answer.

He also tries to say that we’ve had other villain backstories before Cinder’s so that...makes hers worse? ...Um, not only does this not pertain to the purpose of Cinder’s backstory, three of his four examples (Tyrian, Watts and Hazel?) are TOLD to us. Cinder, like Salem, is SHOWN to us. This is important since Kamen has bitched about RWBY not doing show don’t tell before so he should be praising this.

His third point is about how Cinder was treated like a slave and yet she feels nothing for the Fanaus, therefore her development from her backstory doesn’t make sense...which misunderstands how people operate so much I’m genuinely confused. Like...people don’t relate to others in similar situations all the time because their experiences scar them to the point of not empathizing with others in similar situations. Hell, that’s the basis of the cycle of abuse. Having similar experiences doesn’t mean Cinder would care, especially since she’s so focused on not repeating that life she ignores so much around her.

Next is-Oh fucking god, it’s the goddamn ‘RHODES AND ABUSE!’ point. Once again, look at the scenes were Cinder is abused. And I mean ‘unambiguous’ abuse. Her sisters tracking mud in, her mother having her work and glaring at her for breaking something is not abuse. I’m talking about the underfeeding and the shock collar. It’s all done AWAY from the public. AKA Away from RHODES. Fuck, take out every scene in which Cinder is abused and tell me if you could tell she was abused and not...I dunno...just a teen who doesn’t like her upbringing. Her collar looks like a normal collar for fuck’s sake!

‘But- Cinder could have mentioned it to him off-screen!’

And that would normally be a good point to make as it is logical given how close they are implied to be. ... But guess what Kamen says?

“If it’s not shown in the show, it doesn’t count.”

Issue is- that cuts both ways. Just as outside info can’t be used to justify the show, the lack of it can’t be interpreted against it. So Kamen fucked the only strong point he could have had.

Then we have him...bitching about show don’t tell with CInder’s song. ... While he completely ignores the showing of Cinder’s abuse being in private. Very blatantly in private.

... I said twelve times, I’ll say it a thirteenth: this is why things in RWBY are so blunt. If it isn’t just a step before the writers walking on screen and explaining the show- People go and misinterpret everything to a point well beyond my suspension of disbelief. This is especially true with Kamen since he bitched at Cvit for not considering what he called ‘basic’ details about Persona 5. So he above anyone else lacks an excuse.

This gets proven in the next part where he says that the purpose of the backstory is to show that Cinder isn’t in power...when in the same episode, we had a scene were Cinder’s Grimm thrashes about with cuts to her backstory where her collar shocked her as Salem gave her very blatant words of manipulative support. You cannot get anymore blatant and blunt than that aside from doing EXACTLY as I said and Kamen STILL misinterprets it.

He bitches about Cinder retreading the same ground and she sucks...but then consider everything I’ve showcased so far. With all this wildly off shit that he’s criticized in others- can you honestly say you think it’s the show’s fault? Or s it his and he’s not owning up to it?

Considering how he doesn’t make the obvious connection of ‘Cinder lacked power in her developmental years’ to ‘Cinder has an unnatural obsession with that thing she lacked in her developmental years’-

I can safely say it’s the latter.

And that’s it for now. I’ll revisit this later considering how tired I am. But to wrap things up-

Look at the length of this post. Look at all the problems I pointed out. Look at the hypocrisy and inexcusable stupidity.

Then consider that this is only 9 minutes...into a 51 minute video.

...Do you really think Kamen’s points are that good? Or even acceptable?

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imagine-that-100 · 4 years

Text

Holiday | Part 18 |

Description of Part 1: Alex Turner x Reader (Female) | You’ve been friends with Alex Turner and the other boys from Arctic Monkeys since you were 13. You never for a second thought that Alex would release a song about you though. From late night phone calls and almost constant texting and teasing, you’ve managed to stay close with him over the years. When a pact is established and a holiday is arranged, life seems to be treating you very well. But a month in LA will either make or break you.

Word Count: 13.2K

Warnings: Mentions of Coronavirus, and a shit load of FLUFF!!!

A/N: So this is it. I can’t believe it. 18 weeks you have all stood by this fic and I can’t thank you all enough. You all literally make my Friday’s so much brighter because I get to see your reactions to this silly little story I’ve created. Thank you so so so so much for sticking by it. And thank you to the people who have edited for me many a time. I love you lots. I really hope everyone enjoys the last part, but I promise it’s not the last you’ll see of Alex fics on this account.

Thank you all a million for reading x

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

| MASTERLIST IN BIO |

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~*~*~*~ January 2020 ~*~*~*~

“Y/N Y/N Y/N YN!” You hear Alex yelling from upstairs.

You were in the kitchen preparing dinner, but hearing him yelling your name, you abandoned what you were doing to see if everything was okay.

“What’s wrong?” You ask worriedly as you turn the corner into the lounge.

When you do though, you see Alex running down the stairs with a massive smile on his face. So then, and only then, when you see he’s okay, do you relax.

He is completely beaming when he sees you and he runs straight to you, picking you up in the process, and then spinning you around several times in his arms. You squeal and throw your arms around his shoulders, so you feel more stable and giggle.

Moments like these were more uncommon than you may think.

Alex was rarely so excited about something. Especially to the point where he would be so overwhelmed by emotion that he just embraced you and was practically jumping for joy.

“What’s happening?” You laugh as he slows his spinning down and returns you back to the ground.

“I’m freaking the fuck out” Alex laughs to himself before releasing you to run his hands though his now shorter hair.

He was still grinning at you as he looked at you dazed, as if something wasn’t real.

“Why? What?” You ask also with a smile.

You loved seeing him this happy. And it was obviously something really good for him to be this excited.

“Oh my god” Alex says more to himself in glee, his fingers trailing down to his jaw to give it a disbelieving scratch.

That was a habit he still hadn’t quite shifted since he’d shaved off his goatee. Something which still made you smile when he didn’t realise, he was doing it.

Alex begins to explain by asking you, “You know how you were excited for Catfish’s new album last year?”

“Yeah” You nod.

You were actually a psycho when they announced their new album last year. You booked every ticket you could to go and see them over here.

Since Y/B/F had moved over at the beginning of last year, you’d been doing everything together. And the fact that you both got to go and see one of your favourite bands together in California was amazing.

You both went to all 3 of their dates that they had over here. Two of the shows you were both in the pit for and one of them you got to watch from the side of the stage because Alex and Matt had gone with you.

Which both of the lads loved because they were both forced to listen to their music that often that they knew all the songs.

You were over the moon when Y/B/F came and moved over to LA. You knew she’d always wanted to do it. It was one of her things on her To Do list.

So, when things became serious between her and Matt, she decided to live her dream. And you loved it.

Breana was fine with their relationship and they both got on well with each other still. And both Y/B/F and Breana’s boyfriend really loved Amelia as well, so they ended up being a big happy family.

And you and Alex as godparents were happily there to support them when they needed it.

Alex then practically jumps in his spot saying, “Well picture that but ten times more intense”

You grin at him, loving his energy, “Why? Who’s releasing an album? You don’t like anyone that much who’s not on a hiatus”

“Unless it was one band in particular” Alex hints very heavily with his eyes as to who it might be.

“No” You gasp, a hand coming up to cover your mouth.

He nods his head frantically, “Yes”

“Oh my fucking god” You say now just as excited and jump into his arms.

You throw your arms around Alex’s neck and squeal. You couldn’t believe The Strokes were making a new album.

“I know” Alex said wrapping his arms around your back.

“Oh my god Alex, I’m so excited” You practically yell down his ear.

He laughs and squeeze you the tiniest bit tighter when you start practically jumping in his arms. He knew you’d be just as excited.

“This means new music and a tour” You say down his ear before releasing him so he can look at you and see the excitement on your face, “And oh my fucking god I’m so excited”

“How did you find out?” You ask, releasing him completely and feeling the need to sit on the settee.

Alex smiles as he watches you take a second to let the news sink in.

Then he begins to explain, “I just got off the phone with Julian. Was asking me something about Tranquility Base and then he told me they have just finished recording. He’s gunna send us a copy”

“You’re joking” You say not quite believing him.

He smiles and shakes his head at you.

“Alex, I’m going to cry” You say covering your mouth.

This news was unbelievable. You couldn’t wait, you were just too excited.

“You’re gunna cry Hun, this is my fucking dream” Alex said before joining you on the sofa and hugging you again.

You giggle when he does that and hug him back. He pushes you both down onto the settee, so you’re lay back on it trapped in a hug.

“We can both cry together when it comes” You giggle.

Alex brings his head up to look at you smiles down at you softly telling you, “Y/N/N I’m so so so fucking excited”

“Same” You grin back.

You would definitely never get tired looking into those chocolate eyes. You trace your fingertip along his jaw and get lost in his features for a moment.

His fluffy brown hair flops down over his forehead and tickles your forehead. Your eyes dance across his smooth skin and the way he smiles at you, those pink lips pulled into a grin.

Your eyes trailed back up to his and you got lost in those for another second, until his lips met yours.

~*~*~*~ March 2020 ~*~*~*~

“Hey Y/N?” Alex asks you, walking into the lounge from the kitchen.

“Yeah?” You ask looking away from the worrying TV screen that showed things getting worse with the pandemic.

Alex comes and sits down next to you as he says, “Question that I want to ask you”

“Ooo okay, go on” You ask him, seeing that he’s got his phone in his hand.

He runs a hand through his hair, something that was a tell of his for when he was stressed or worried.

He begins to tell you, “The whole world is about to shut down with this Corona shit, and so it should because the government need to keep people safe”

“Yeah I know, Trump is a fucking moron shutting people down who are asking about it” You shake your head looking towards the TV.

“Yeah” Alex agrees, “Which is the reason why I was wondering if you wanted to go back home?” He asks.

You weren’t quite expecting that, but you ask, “When?”

“Like tomorrow?” He suggests.

Now that did shock you.

“Until when?” You ask slightly wide eyed.

“At the very least until this all passes over. I think we’ll be safer back home than we are over here” Alex says taking your hand in his.

You think about it for a second and nod.

That was probably a good idea, “Now you mention it, that actually sounds like a good idea”

“Yeah and I can’t help but think, if someone in our families gets it and we can’t get a flight over there because they have introduced lockdown, for the very least socially distanced support, it would be a mistake” Alex says giving your hand a squeeze.

“Yeah, you’re right” You nod with a little smile.

“Do you want me to book the flight?” You ask him.

Alex smiles at your offer but then tells you, “Well, that’s why I’m asking now really… Carl wants to take his plane back home and I know we both don’t agree with private flying but if it gets us home safely and with minimal contact I’ll do it one more time. Rather have someone on it than no one on it if it’s gunna fly anyway”

Carl was a pilot of a private jet, from the UK, that the Monkeys had been on many a time, until the boys decided that they didn’t want to use private travel anymore. They didn’t want aid into the destruction of the environment, so they made the decision to fly on normal planes again.

You think it over for a second before agreeing, “Okay. I won’t hold it against anyone this time”

“Right, I’ll ring him now then” Alex says standing up and looking down at his phone again.

You stand too and say, “I’ll go start to pack. Anything you particularly want to take with you?”

Alex shakes his head not really knowing what he wanted to take, “Just as much as we can because I think we’re gunna be there for a while”

You nod and smile, even more so when a thought pops into your head, “Can we start making the house a bit homier when we get back?”

After Y/B/F decided that she wanted to move to LA, she wanted to sell the flat back home. Which was perfectly fine by you, but it meant that all your stuff in there had to be moved somewhere.

And because you and Alex had talked about moving back there in the future, you’d both decided to get a house over there to eventually move into and make your own. It was a lovely house and you’d yet to stay there so you were really excited at the thought of going back.

“We could go to B&Q and get stuff to decorate before they put us all in lockdown?” You grin at him

“I love that idea” Alex says pulling you into his body, arms wrapped around you as you stood looking up at his pretty face.

He continues sarcastically, “But are you gunna help me paint or make me do it all?”

You giggle a little before saying, “I might help you… If you’re nice to me”

Alex just laughs and kisses your nose.

~*~*~*~

You both ended up flying back the second week into March, which was great because work had practically stopped anyway as you’d all been instructed to work from home.

And because you’d informed them that you were going back to the UK to ‘be with family’, they had given you the option to transfer onto a team for the same company over in the UK. That was if you wanted to anyway.

And seeing as you’d currently nearly finished your last one back in the US you thought it would be a good idea, considering you didn’t know how long you were going to be back for. You were just thankful it was a very lenient company and treated its staff well.

When you got back the first thing you did was go and see your families, making sure to be extra careful and considerate around each other and keeping your distance from them when you could.

Both you and Alex, weren’t stupid. You knew your parents were in the age brackets that meant that if they contracted the virus it could be dangerous to them.

So, you were both extremely careful.

You were also careful when you went around the shops to get colours so you could start decorating your house.

You’d both god a really lovely house in Sheffield. It was definitely a posh one for the area and was a bit out of the way, so you had the privacy you both desired.

But by god you loved it.

It was pretty much all open plan downstairs. A concept which you fell in love with since living in LA in the house over there.

The house was a detached one that from the outside looked a little dated but was completely modernised inside. It was like stepping into a time machine.

From the outside it looked like a country house with the old stone bricks, with bits of Ivy trailing up the side of the house, but when you entered you felt like you were completely up to date on all the modern technology. Something which mesmerised the both of you when you initially looked around it.

You just remembered wondering around it with a really good feeling in your stomach the whole time. Everything about it you loved.

Especially when you went outside into the back garden as when you turned to look at the house from the back you wouldn’t even guess it was the same place. The stone bricks still covered the place except for the wall of bi-folding windows at the back which overlooked Sheffield, so you still got to see the twinkling lights of the city.

The garden was huge too, which meant that Zoe could run around it all she wanted. And being the age of 9 you could imagine she’d want to do that a lot, especially with her new little brother Lucas also starting to find his feet now.

Inside the house, there were five bedrooms, which both of you knew you wouldn’t need so you planned on turning one into an office and one of them maybe a home gym. It also had a loft conversation too, so Alex had already claimed that as his music room, which you had no complaints about.

But you couldn’t wait to decorate when you got back, as the house had been painted boring plain colours to try and make it more appealing to buyers.

And it was lucky that you both went shopping for the paint when you did too, because two weeks later the National Lockdown was introduced and the whole country basically stopped. You were furloughed from work because there were less things needing to be done and Alex was furloughed too because it wasn’t like he could meet up with the other lads and create an album with them.

It was a weird time the first few months of Lockdown. It did get to you sometimes when you thought about it. You wanted more than anything to give your Mum and Dad a hug but unfortunately you couldn’t.

But you were thankful you had Alex to keep you sane throughout everything. He always had a distraction for you when you needed one, and he liked to keep you busy.

Especially when it came to the painting.

One of the days about a week into lockdown, you were unpacking stuff that you’d had shipped over from the US and as you did that you were listening to Tranquility Base. The reason being that you found it quite relaxing to listen to when you were doing stuff around the house.

That and you loved Alex’s voice with the entirety of your heart.

She Looks Like Fun was playing into your AirPods and Alex could hear you singing along from in the hall where you’d got him painting. He could never get tired of you singing his songs.

 He really liked that he had his biggest fan by his side through thick and thin.

He noticed that you stopped singing loudly when it came to the bridge of the song though. And then he heard you gasp.

Alex paid no attention too it though, just thinking that you’d found something you’d been looking for whilst unpacking. However, you’d found something a lot more interesting.

You walked out of the room you were in and Alex looked towards you as you ventured closer to him.

“Alex did you predict this fucking apocalypse?” You ask him with a smile.

He looks towards you and sees you in your baggy painting clothes, with your AirPods still in. You must have paused them because you heard him fine when he replied.

“What the fuck you on about now?” He chuckles.

“In She Looks Like Fun you literally sing, ‘No one’s on the streets, we moved it all online as of March’” You explain.

And it baffled you because that was exactly what had happened. Everyone was now getting their shopping online, a lot less people were out in the city and loads of people were staying at home, where the government had asked them to be.

“Shit. Maybe I did” Alex laughed recognising that his lyrics actually

“Why didn’t you warn us?” You chuckle before making him abandon his paint brush so he would hug you.

He looked so adorable. He had that fine paint splatter across his face and a little of it in his hair. Even when he wasn’t perfect, he still was. God you loved him.

“I did apparently… About two years ago” Alex cheekily grinned at you as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you against him.

 You pat his chest and smile back at the fluffy haired man.

“Congratulations, you’re a prophet” You quote Dr Strange in Infinity War and Alex picks up on it straight away.

He shakes his head at you before saying the next quote in a serious voice, “I’m a survivor”

You just giggle though at how nerdy you were both being, and sarcastically say, ruining it, “Yeah, you’re a survivor because we haven’t left the house in a week”

“And because we have a shit load of hand sanitiser” He grins at you and you laugh agreeing.

“Do you think Thanos snapped his fingers and that’s why we’re in this shit?” You wonder out loud.

“Maybe maybe” Alex ponders for a second before entertaining your theory, “Need the Avengers to come save us”

“I’ll have Chris Hemsworth come save me please” You say a little too fast, but Alex nods his head approvingly.

“As long as Chris Evans can save me. That man his built like a brick shit house” Alex says appreciating the Avengers physique in his mind.

“They both are” You laugh, and he nods down at you.

“But don’t think you’re doing so bad yourself” You say before bringing your hands up to the top of his arms and having a good squeeze.

Alex shakes his head at you, “My arms are nowhere near the size of theirs”

“Not saying they are, but you literally went from being pre-serum Steve Rogers to Captain America” You tell him.

It was true though, he used to be a lanky skinny boy, and now he’s got huge muscles and you really really liked looking at them.

Touching, kissing, biting and licking them too.

“Are you saying I’m Captain America?” Alex asked you with a cheeky smile and a raised eyebrow.

You giggle a little, “I’m saying I really like my own personal version of Captain America”

“I know you do” Alex grinned, and you couldn’t help yourself but to lean up and kiss him.

You tried to carry it on, but Alex was having none of it. He pulled away and said, “Come on. We can kiss and actually watch Captain America later on when we finish painting”

“Fine” You pout, and he leans down to kiss it away.

And you both continued to make your new house into a proper home.

You couldn’t wait to live with him properly back here in Sheffield. The time you’d spent with him in your flat with him was amazing.

So, with even more space, in your own house, you just knew it would be 10 times better. And so far, it was proving to be.

But in your heart, you knew that it didn’t matter where in the world you were with him. It didn’t matter if there was a danger out there that tried to pry you both apart.

And you’d be forever grateful that you gone on holiday and realised the most important thing.

That as long as you had him by your side, you’d feel wanted and safe, because you were home.

Alex was your home.

~*~*~*~ July 2020 ~*~*~*~

You start giggling to yourself for a solid minute before asking Alex, “Al, have you seen this meme?

You’d just sat down on the floor and stopped painting the skirting boards in the living room.

You’d both been painting for hours. Today you’d both painted the large walls in your lounge, and it was a pain because of the number of coats that you had to do on it.

Thankfully you’d finished the last coat of paint on the walls and you’d started the glossing. But it was killing your back, so you decided a break was necessary.

You were both so lazy when it came to the decorating too. You’d go through one room at a time, first painting it, then ordering the things to furnish it, and then set everything up before you moved onto the next room.

And then you would have about two weeks break in between the rooms because your job was now staggering the furlough, and the working from home. So that was the reason why you were both still decorating 4 months after moving in properly.

That, and because you weren’t horrible enough to leave Alex doing it himself. So, whilst you were working in your office that was freshly decorated, you sent him upstairs to make music.

Something which he was doing so effortlessly, and you adored everything he showed you.

“Which meme?” Alex asks you as he continues to paint. “You tweet a lot of them”

“The one that says, ‘There will be a minor baby boom in nine months, and then one day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of the Quarenteens’” You laugh to yourself.

“Amazing” Alex says with a smile, abandoning his paintbrush to come and sit down opposite you.

“I know it made me giggle” You say as you continue scrolling through your phone as Alex picks up his cup of tea that’s probably gone cold.

He doesn’t seem bothered by the temperature though and downs the rest of it in one before abandoning the mug.

He sits cross-legged in front of you, both of you sat on the sheet that you were using to keep paint from spilling onto your carpet. Something which was going well so far but you had to be careful where you sat in your scruffy clothes, because you didn’t want to get paint on your new settee’s either.

“I have a question for you” Alex announces, grabbing your attention again.

You look up from your phone and smile, “Okay”

“So, I’ve been thinking…” Alex begins but your interrupt.

“Oh no. That’s never good” You grin as you lock your phone and out it down beside you.

“Will you ever stop undermining me using that joke?” Alex shakes his head at you, trying to hide that he found you funny.

“Al, you know I’m joking“ You say feeling a little bad.

But only a little.

“Mhhh” He hums at you in sarcastic disbelief.

“Yeah I know” He mumbles before leaning towards you to kiss you.

“I love you” You say quickly before his mouth attached to yours.

You wanted to stay in his good books, despite knowing you were never out of them.

His lips catch yours as he mumbles against them, “I love you too”

Alex plants a good kiss onto your soft lips then and you smile up at him when he pulls away. He can’t quite get the smile off his face either.

You loved that you still had stupid banter with each other after 5 years together. It was one of the many things that kept your relationship alive and fun. You were just glad he still loved you whilst you looked like a tramp like you currently did.

You were wearing one of your very old baggy grey tops that had holes in it, along with some black leggings. Both were covered in various paint splatters of different colours and you were fairly certain your hair, that was in a messy bun, had some paint in it too.

Yet when you looked at Alex, who wore old joggers with holes in it and a plain black top that also had paint on it, you still thought he looked incredibly attractive. Even with the little bits of paint that were in his hair, he was still breath-taking.

Alex takes your paint splattered hands in his and you smile at each other for a good few seconds, before he asked you his question.

“Okay… So, you know how we talked about kids?” He asked you.

You nodded, “Yeah?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to maybe start trying?” Alex softly smiled at you, whilst rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

“You’re very on topic aren’t you” You can’t help but smile and shuffle closer to him.

Alex laughs a little at that. “Well you know, when the opportunity arises…” He trails off looking into your Y/E/C eyes.

“What’s brought this on?” You ask him curiously.

“Nothing” Alex shakes his head honestly, “I was just thinking… There’s no better time than a lockdown to start trying properly is there?”

“Well, you’re not wrong” You laugh.

You couldn’t lie, being stuck in the house together meant that you often found yourselves entangled with the other. You didn’t know whether it was the two of you just being constantly bored or horny.

Maybe it was both.

But he was right, now lockdown was less restrictive in the UK, trying to get pregnant didn’t feel as scary as it may have done a few months ago if it was brought up then.

Of course, you’d talked about it before now though. And you were both just waiting for the right moment to make the decision.

And you were happy it had just presented itself.

You needed to ask him though, “If we do get pregnant though, are you still okay with staying here permanently?”

When you’d talked about it before, you’d both come to the agreement that if and when you were planning to start a family, you would both move back home. But now you were already back here, you just wanted to double check that he was still alright with that.

Alex nods with a smile, “Of course… It’s time to stay home anyway. I think I’ve been away far too long”

“Yeah I think you have too” You giggle before kissing him.

He can’t quite get the grin off his face when he kisses you back. He was so happy you were on the same page as him.

Alex couldn’t wait to start a family with you.

“Thank you though” You smile brightly when you pull away, you keep your hands cupping his neck though to keep him close. “I just don’t think I could do it without my Mum and our families around to help”

“You’ll be a great Mum. You already look after me” Alex assures you which makes your heart swell.

“Yeah, to be honest, a baby would probably be easier to manage” You giggle as you twirl the hair at the nape of his neck.

He laughs at you then before leaning to kiss you once more. Something which in the 5 years with him still never got old.

“So maybe in like a few months, I’ll stop taking my pill then?” You suggest when you pull away.

You continue with, “Just because I don’t wanna get pregnant first go and then be stuck inside pregnant for months if they restrict lockdown again… I don’t think that would really be very clever or safe. For anyone. Especially a baby”

“Sounds good to me” Alex agrees “We’ll have this house ready and waiting for the housewarming by the time lockdowns over anyway”

“I still can’t believe you have two houses” You say looking around the stunning room you were in, and then out of the large windows that showed the sun setting over Sheffield.

Alex takes your attention again though, scorning you, “Y/N, it’s nearly been five years. We have two houses and this one is definitely yours”

Despite Alex suggesting that you were going to leave him to do the painting, you were actually the one who’d done most of it. You were also the one that had found most of the decor online and just asked Alex for his approval on them.

This house was truly yours. You thought something like the house in LA would be your dream, but no, something which both you and Alex created for yourselves was.

“You know what I mean” You smile before holding his hand again.

“I am so fucking lucky I married you in October… Or I think I’d have been so upset that it would have all been cancelled” Alex says giving your hand a squeeze, that adorned both your engagement and wedding ring.

“I told you Autumn weddings are cute” You grin at him.

And it was true. Your wedding was stunning.

You’d got married back over here Mid-October and you were both very lucky that the weather had been kind to you. Thankfully you could take your wedding pictures outside and you adored them all completely.

Although you think Alex adored them more, he started crying when the photographer sent them over and he had a picture of you in your dress as his Lockscreen and another one of just you as his Homescreen.

Never mind you being his biggest fan, he was definitely yours.

“You know I love the sun” He pouts at you.

“Alex we literally live, or I guess lived in LA. I’m sure coming back here for a few weeks didn’t hurt” You laugh a little at him sticking his bottom lip out.

He gives you that one.

“It was definitely lucky you convinced me to move it” He smiles.

You couldn’t think of anything worse than planning out a full wedding, only for it to be completely cancelled because of everything going on right now. You felt so sorry for the people going through it because you would have been devastated if your wedding had been cancelled.

“We’re definitely lucky” You smile, “That was one of the best days of my life”

You couldn’t help but smile at your memories of the day. You were just so thankful that Alex’s hair had grown back in time for the big day. Because you weren’t getting married to him with that bald head.

However nice he looked; you really wanted your man to have his lovely hair present for your wedding day.

“It was the best day of my life” Alex admits. “What’s top for you that our wedding doesn’t beat it?”

“2013 Glastonbury” You say without a second thought.

After a second though you realise what you’ve said and laugh at yourself. You were still the biggest fool.

“For fucks sake Y/N/N” Alex shakes his head at you chuckling a little.

“It’s not my fault it’s yours… I’ve just never felt happier in that moment where all I could hear was everyone singing along to Mardy Bum” You smile shyly.

It truly was such a magical experience for you. You would never get that moment again and it mean just as much.

Granted you didn’t think you would be getting married again but there was just something about that gig that held such a special place in your heart. And you’d rather not lie to your husband about what the best day of your life was.

“I was crying big time” You giggle a bit, trying to defend yourself.

“I know you were, and I’ve seen you cry at it since” Alex playfully teases you.

“Thought our wedding might have topped it though” He admits but you just grin shaking your head back at him.

You mumble against his lips before kissing him once more, “It’s a very close second, I promise”

He laughs before kissing you back. His soft hands, which you had a feeling had a little bit of paint on, came up and cupped your cheek making sure you couldn’t escape him.

Not that you were planning too.

Alex’s kisses still caused butterflies in your stomach, which after 5 years, you had no clue how. His kisses really were second nature now, but when caught up in such a meaningful moment, he still made you so nervous.

Yet you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You hoped the butterflies would still be there when you were both old and grey.

Alex then pulled away and as you looked back into those brown eyes, he asked you once more, “So, you’re definitely up for it then?”

“Definitely” You confirm.

And the grin that then makes its way onto Alex’s face was something you hoped you never forgot. You tried to take a mental picture of it.

After a second of admiring your husband you added, “We can just see what happens… There still no rush, so if it doesn’t happen straight away, that’s alright too. There definitely no harm in continuing to try for one”

Alex smirks at you when you say that.

“Of course not” He agrees.

“In fact…”

Alex trails off to lean towards you again to kiss you. Something which again makes you smile because of how cute the whole situation was. You kiss him back and your hand just automatically goes up into his soft hair.

You also can’t help but giggle when he pushes you back, so you’re forced to lie down on the floor whilst he still kisses you. He moves with you so he’s above you and he pulls away to hear your giggle continue.

You smile up at him as your giggle fades and you lean up to peck his lips.

“I love you Al”

You love the smile that breaks out on his face when you tell him that too.

But your smile grows twice the size when you hear him say back, “I love you too, Mrs Turner”

~*~*~*~ Christmas Eve ~ 2020 ~*~*~*~

“Oh my god I’ve missed you so much” Y/B/F throws her arms around you pulling you into a hug at your doorstep.

You giggle at her excitement and give he a squeeze as you say, “I’ve missed you too”

Oh my god we have so much to talk about” She grins as she releases you.

“We do” You laugh, and she goes to give Alex a hug.

“Matt I’ve missed you so much” You turn towards him and open your arms.

He leans in and wraps his arms around you and coos, “Oh I’ve missed you too”

“How’s my best buddie doing?” You smile up at him when he releases you.

“Excuse me” Both Alex and Y/B/F say at the same time.

Both you and Matt turn to look at them and see their hands on their hips, looking at you like you’d just said something horrendously offensive.

“I meant my best boy friend” You correct yourself.

That seemed to satisfy your best friend and she wondered into your house, that she’d yet to see decorated. However, Alex still wasn’t too impressed.

“Are you joking?” He asks you with raised eyebrows.

“Jesus Alex, I’m married to you” You roll your eyes before closing the front door.

“I was your best boy friend for over a decade before I was your actual boyfriend” Alex says.

You don’t know why he felt the need to clarify it though, it wasn’t as if you or Matt were denying it.

“Yeah so stop being offended. You got bumped up the pecking order someone had to take your place” You grin as you hug Matt again and he rests his chin on top of your head hugging you back tightly

Alex decides to look to his best mate instead, asking, “Can you give me my wife back please?”

Matt chuckles before releasing you, and as you roll your eyes before scorning your husband, Matt goes and follows Y/B/F into the lounge.

“Alex” You laugh as you walk towards him and then cup his face and give him a quick kiss.

“I’m yours chill out” You assure him, and you smile feeling his hands come up and rest on your hips.

“Oh, I know you are” He says under his breath as he grins.

His thumbs rub over your lower stomach as he holds you and he whispers, correcting himself, “Both of you”

You can’t help but lean up to kiss him quickly before you follow Matt and Y/B/F’s lead and head into the lounge.

Alex goes and makes them both a cup of tea whilst you entertain the two, telling them where you found all the things that Y/B/F kept on pointing out. Thankfully by the end of August, the house was completely redone.

It was well and truly the Turner’s household and you loved each and every room.

However, you were both very aware now that one of the spare bedrooms now needed to be transformed into a nursery. Something which you would both take pleasure in doing when you were a bit further along than the 3 months you were now.

Alex come back into the room with everyone’s drinks in hand and you leave yours on the side for a minute because it was far too hot. It seemed that everyone else in the room had the same idea, so the drinks were abandoned for the time being.

Instead you started chatting for 10 minutes, all catching up properly in person as you hadn’t had the chance to do this yet because of Corona. Thankfully the world had adjusted itself to the new normal and Christmas could actually go ahead.

So, it was amazing that you and Y/B/F could have your Christmas ritual of having Christmas Eve together. Just an added bonus that Alex and Matt were involved now.

“Okay so we want to tell you something” Y/B/F announces from the other settee next to Matt.

You notice that she takes his hand and you smile; They were so fucking cute. You were so glad they got together. You couldn’t believe it had been 2 years.

You and Alex were on the other settee that was opposite theirs and you were already holding his hand. You weren’t usually this clingy but today had been an amazing day.

This morning you and Alex had gone and had your 12 weeks scan and the little baby growing in you was healthy and doing well. News which was much to yours and Alex’s relief.

You’d had some pretty bad morning sickness, so you were just glad everything was okay despite you not being 100% from time to time.

“Ooooo okay” You grin at the couple.

“I’m pregnant” Your best friend says with the biggest grin on her face.

Your jaw drops with massive smile on your face and you squeezed Alex’s hand without meaning to. You definitely weren’t expecting that.

And you doing think Alex expected it either, he asked excitedly with a smile, “Are you actually?”

“Yeah” Matt nods with a grin.

And you leap out of your seat and dart towards your best friend to trap her into a hug whilst squealing, “Oh my god”

She can’t help but laugh as you wrap your arms around her and say, “Congratulations” down her ear.

Your best friend just giggles down yours before saying a, “Thank you”

You see that Matt gets up and you presume he’s giving Alex a hug from what you can hear, but you’re too invested in Y/B/F to check.

You release her so you don’t suffocate her, and you have to ask, “How far along are you?”

“Sixteen weeks” She tells you with a massive smile.

“Holy fuck” You whisper excitedly covering your mouth as if the baby could hear you. “I bet you’re over the moon”

“I really am. Didn’t really mean for it to happen but we were both excited when we found out after the initial shock of it wore off” Your best friend tells you and you could only imagine the shock for the both of them.

But you couldn’t wait to pry out more information from her, but right now you were too giddy.

“Ahhhhh I’m so so so happy for you” You say before giving her another huge hug.

She giggles in your arms and gives you a tight squeeze before you get yourself up to hug your other best mate.

“Matt come here right now” You say once Alex had finished hugging him.

Alex goes and hugs Y/B/F whilst you hug your Helders.

“Congratulations” You say once your arms are wrapped around him.

“Thank you, my love” Matt grins before kissing your cheek when he pulls away from your hug after a few more seconds.

You look at him, so happy in front of you and you can’t help but say, “I love you so goddamn much… I’m so happy for you”

“Thank you” He says going a little red.

You get all of the gossip from them and get to see their scan photo. You find that they were planning to actually give birth over here, but they will still be primarily living in LA, because of course Matt didn’t want to leave Amelia.

You were so so so happy for them it made you excited to start telling people.

You’d yet to tell anyone because you knew the scan was going to be today, on Christmas Eve, so you and Alex had both decided that you were going to tell your families tomorrow.

You were hosting Christmas in your new house this year and it was going to be your family, along with Alex’s Mum and Dad. And you were both so fucking excited for how you had it planned out to tell people.

You think Alex was currently feeling the same as you about being excited to tell people. You caught on because when you were sat in your original seats again every time, they told you something that the two of you had both been through, he gave your hand a squeeze.

When the couple across from you started asking about the two of you, you gave them the answers that you’d been giving people for the past few months.

But then Alex looked towards you and you share a look. He gave you a knowing smile and tilted his head towards Matt and Y/B/F. You raise your eyebrows ever so slightly asking with your eyes if he was meaning ‘tell them’.

Turns out he was, as he gave your hand a squeeze and smiled and nodded his head slightly. All discrete and not too obvious which meant that the unsuspecting couple across from you were about to get a nice surprise.

You look towards them and grab their attention with, “Hey Y/B/F, you know that thing that I’ve always wanted most in life?”

You smile a bit when you see her eyes widen at what you said. Matt, however, obviously has no fucking clue and makes a joke.

“You wanted something more than Alex?” Matt asks you and both you and your husband chuckle.

You set the record straight though, telling him honestly, “Oh yeah, a lot more than Alex”

“Are you trying to tell me something?” Y/B/F asks you with knowing eyes

She sees both you and Alex grin and her and when you nod your head she screams. She darts to you just like you did to her, but she wraps her arms around both you and Alex and gives you both a massive hug.

Both you and Alex can’t help but laugh and hug her back.

“I’m so fucking happy right now” She squeals down the both of your ears.

“So are we” You giggle back.

She lets you go and sits on Alex’s lap as she talks to the both of you. “So, I need to know everything” She looks at the both of you expectantly.

However, poor Matt is completely lost.

“Wait, what the fucks just happened?” Helders says looking dazzled.

“We’re pregnant too” Alex looks around Y/B/F’s body and grins as he spells it out for his best mate.

“Are you serious?” Matt asks, his face beaming with happiness and shock.

“I wouldn’t be joking about this” Alex chuckles.

Aw guys” Matt says before standing from his seat.

Alex gets up and Y/B/F sits down in his place and gives you a proper hug.

“How far are you?” She asks as her arms are tight around your neck.

“Twelve weeks” You tell her and once sheet you go you explain, “We literally had the first scan this morning, but we haven’t told anyone so don’t scream it from the rooftops just yet”

“We’re the first to know?” Matt asks overhearing what you were saying.

“Yeah” You smile up at him.

“What why?” Y/B/F asks you a little confused.

“Because we weren’t expecting you to drop the news, but we couldn’t not when you told us… We’re telling the family tomorrow” Alex tells them.

“Me and Y/N need to chat about this. To save our mental states” Y/B/F says, getting herself comfy on the settee in Alex’s space.

You smile at her agreeing, before looking to the boys and saying, “Matt, you need to prep Alex for everything”

“I told you I’m going to be fine” Alex says at you and you just stick your tongue out at him.

“Yeah, that’s what we all think mate” Matt laughs a little before holding Alex’s shoulder and then patting it for some extra drama.

Alex looks at his mate like he’s just grown another head. Fear very clearly seeping into his features and Matt has to back track.

“I’m joking don’t look so worried” He smiles. “Come on let’s grab a beer and we can chat”

And so, they do, the boys go and chat in the kitchen for a good 10 minutes whilst you and Y/B/F compare your pregnancies along with every minor detail of it. You were both just so buzzing.

She had just shown you her scan picture and you were so happy for her. Your heart was literally melting. You needed Alex to bring your picture in to show her.

“Al” You shout.

A second later you hear, “Yeah”

“When you come back in, bring the scan picture in with you please?” You ask him nicely.

“Okay”

Not a minute later, Alex and Matt are walking back in and you can see that Alex has shown it Matt, as Helders is holding the picture.

“Y/N I’m so fucking happy for you” He grins at you before leaning down to give you a kiss on the cheek and another quick hug.

“I’m happy for you too Matt” You reiterate back to him, before Y/B/F plucks the photo from him.

Matt and Alex then go and sit on the other settee so you can still continue with your previous chats. Something which you all definitely needed yet you were so bloody excited about everything at the same time.

“Shit” Y/B/F turns to you practically mid conversation to say, “I just realised that yours and Alex baby is going to be fucking stunning”

You laugh at that. You wouldn’t even lie, you really hoped that with Alex’s genes the little one would come out looking good.

You couldn’t help but picture their baby though and you had to tell her, “Yours is going to be the most beautiful child ever”

Y/B/F has a look of disbelief, but you scorn her saying there's no reason why it wouldn’t be beautiful. She was stunning and Matt was fit so there’s no chance the child wouldn’t be.

“I think you’re both going to be having gorgeous babies stop bickering” Matt says, obviously hearing the silly chatter.

Y/B/F furrows her eyebrows at him, “I’m sorry you can’t lie to me and say that their baby won’t have the best genes in the entire world”

Alex shakes his head at her, “Yes Y/B/F but also you are just as stunning as my wife there” He nods towards you and then to his best mate, “and Matt’s also not too bad”

You all have a little laugh at that before you chip back in with, “I mean apart from the musical talent they possess, let’s just hope they take after us instead”

“Cheeky bitch” Matt chuckles a bit shaking his head at you.

You scoff and in jest add, “I’m pregnant, you can’t call me that”

“When are you due?” You then turn to Y/B/F and ask.

“Thirtieth of May” You best friend informs you.

You squeal a little, with a grin on your face, “As if”

“Why when are you due?” She asks.

“Thirtieth of June” You tell her with a big smile.

Your best friend grabs you hand and says, “Oh my god”

You giggle, “We are literally the same person”

“We actually are“

That being because hers and your birthdays were a month apart from each other. Meaning that it was almost poetic that your first babies were due one month apart.

Your best friend and Matt obviously stay for the evening and you have a lovely time with them. You show them around the decorated house, and they seem to love it just as much as you and Alex.

It was funny when you all came back into the lounge though that had the bi-folding windows in and Y/B/F said, “You’re going to be a pro window cleaner”

“I know it’s huge” You laughed.

But then she corrected herself so you understood, “No, I mean because when the baby arrives and they stay crawl they will be all over that. Messy handprints and everything”

“I’ll let that be Alex’s job then” You laugh.

“Thanks Hun” Alex shook his head at you.

You grin back, “You’re welcome baby”

After you’d all finished eating later on, you and your best friend were still sat with each other on the settee and you were practically cuddled together. You loved her so bloody much that the fact that you wouldn’t be living in the same country anymore just left you both needing a cuddle.

You both chatted about anything that came to mind and then your best friend seemed to have a brainwave.

“Oh my god right, so there’s this thing that I saw and it said something along the lines of ‘As days go by they mean nothing to your now, but one day it could be the day you get married or your child’s birthday’” She tells you.

You smile and say, “Yeah that’s so true”

“I know right, so I recon we look back though our Snapchat memories throughout the years and see what we were up to on our due date” She suggests.

“That’s such a cute idea” You smile.

Your best friend smiles, “I know right”

“Okay let’s go” You said pulling your phone out of your pocket.

You both spent about 10 minutes on it and you’d just got to the date 5 years previous and you had to stop yourself. Your whole body just stopped as if someone had hit a pause button.

You can’t help yourself when your hormones get the better of you and your eyes start gathering tears. You look towards Y/B/F and she spots the tears straight away.

Your best friend looks at your phone then and takes it off you to see the picture.

“Awhhh Y/N that’s so cute” She smiles at you and you just break down in happy tears.

She throws her arm around you and you release a little sob craving the comfort.

“Aw don’t cry” She says before she kisses the side of your head.

“I can’t help it” You weep into your hands, hiding your face.

These last few months your emotions had been everywhere.

“Y/B/F what have you done to my wife?” You just about hear Alex ask over your crying.

“I’ve done nothing” She tells him with a smile and a little giggle.

You hear him get up and he asks you, “Y/N/N what’s wrong?” whilst Y/B/F lets go of you and you think she’s swapping seats with him.

She places your phone in your lap once she moves and you feel Alex arms go around you when he sits down.

He gives you a second before he tries to pry the information from you. You just look up at him and tell him though, stray tears still running down your face.

You look into his brown eyes and tell him, “Our baby’s due on the same date I came on holiday”

Alex seems a little confused as he probably would be. You’d been on holiday a lot, and many times with him. So, you let him off and just confirm what you meant, “You know the holiday… Our holiday”

“You’re joking” Alex says with a look of disbelief.

“No” You cry a bit more before you throw your hands around his neck and hug him tightly.

“Hormones are a bitch. Why am I crying at everything?” You say through your tears and Alex laughs.

“It is pretty cute though darling” He says kissing your neck as he hugs you.

When you release him, you unlock your phone and show him the picture you found. It was of your plane ticket to LA and it said, ‘Here I come to ruin Al’s life’.

Alex laughs a little when he reads it before

“You didn’t ruin my life by the way. You made it infinitely better”

~*~*~*~ Christmas Day ~ 2020 ~*~*~*~

Christmas had been amazing. After such a shit year this was definitely a highlight of it.

And you had a feeling you were about to make things better.

It was about an hour before you were due to eat, and everything was prepped so you were just chilling out with your big family. Presents had been done a few hours earlier and you loved watching everyone interact.

Your Mum and Penny were chatting away over a glass of wine. David and your Dad were talking about the football match that was happening tomorrow and your brother was chipping in every now and again.

Your sister in law, Jess was primarily taking care of little Lucas who captured everyone’s attention in the room. He was now settling down for a nap though.

You were a little jealous of him.

But you knew that there was going to be a lot of excitement in the room in the next 15 minutes. So, when you saw Zoe sat in Alex’s lap, him still definitely being her favourite member of the family (traitor), you decided to put yours and Alex’s plan into action.

Alex catches your gaze and he raises his eyebrows at you, silently asking if now was the right time. You give a little nod before you say from across the room.

“Hey Zoe” You get her attention.

Her attention immediately finds you and she gives you a smile. A smile that gets bigger when you say, “I forgot about another present for you. Come with me a minute”

You both get up and head to the stairs. You give Alex a little smile before you both disappear off.

When you reach your room you get out the wrapped up clothing, but before you give it her you say, “Okay so I’ve got something to tell you but I need you to keep it a secret for me for the next five minutes”

“Okay” She smiles at you, trying to keep her eyes averted from the wrapping paper to be polite.

“Pinky promise me” You say with a smile.

She wraps her pinky around yours and you both take a seat on your bed.

“Okay, open that and it will tell you the surprise” You say handing her the most important part of this present.

You and Alex had got a top made for her. It was her favourite colour and on the front of it you’d had on it in bold writing 'No. 1 Cousin’

You watch as she quickly gets the wrapping paper off and hold back your smile when she unfolded the top to read it. It took her a second, but she gasped and then looked at you.

“Am I getting a cousin?” She asks, her jaw on the ground.

“You are” You giggle.

“Yay” She squeals before she leaps into your arms and gives you a massive hug around her neck.

“So, your pregnant?” Zoe confirms when she releases you.

“I am. and I was hoping you could help me tell everyone downstairs by wearing that?” You ask her.

Zoe excitedly nods, “Yes”

“I got you more clothes so you can hide it first so it will surprise everyone” You tell her, handing her the other stuff to unwrap.

You watch as she unwraps a leather jacket that you had sadly got the One For The Road logo printed on the back of it. You just couldn’t help yourself.

You also got her black wrapped jeans like the ones that you were wearing now. Along with some cute little ankle boots.

She would literally be a mini you.

As she looks at the One For The Road logo, you explain, “I had it made so you can be like me and have Uncle Alex’s song on the back”

You’d wore the One For The Road leather jacket many a time. And Zoe had said plenty of times that she loved it too.

“Is this the video with Jamie on the tractor?” Zoe asks curiously.

“Yes” You giggle.

You really had raised her well.

“I love it thank you” She tells you and say a quick ‘you’re welcome’.

Zoe asks you as she unwraps the other clothing “Are you wearing yours to go down in too?”

“If you want me too?” You smile at her.

She nods, “Yeah and then Uncle Alex can take a picture of us matching”

“That’s a good idea actually and then when he comes and stands next to me, if no one asks about your top then you can open the jacket up and show everyone yeah?” You plan out in your head and she nods excitedly at you.

“Okay, let’s get you dressed” You say excitedly.

After 5 minutes your back downstairs, you head into the lounge first as she waits just in the hallway so people can’t see her yet. Thankfully all the clothes fit her, and she truly looked like you.

It was amazing.

You’re wearing the comfy leather jacket as you enter the room and announce, “Okay, so she wants a photoshoot, so someone have a camera at the ready”

You watch as Alex says he’ll do it, giving you a little grin. He gets his phone out of his pocket and waits for her entrance.

“Alright Zo” You look to the hall and see her excited grin.

She asks you, “Does Uncle Alex have his camera ready for the photo?”

The room laughs a little at that and you just assure her giving her a nod, “He does”

She walks into the room in her new ripped black skinny jeans, her top expertly covered by the zip up leather jacket that she looked cool in.

“Spin for them” You instruct.

She does a twirl for everyone and you can tell she’s loving the attention.

“Oh amazing” You’re Mum says with a big smile.

“Lovely Zoe” Penny tells her and lots of other compliments are thrown her way too.

“Auntie Y/N/N, picture, come on” She holds out her hand to you and has a hint of a knowing smile on her face.

You smile at her and take her hand before you stand beside her with almost the same clothes on and as you see the flash of the picture on the wall as you were both showing off what the jacket said to the camera.

You hear your brother ask Alex, “Does she still steal your clothes mate?”

“All the time” Alex laughs.

“It’s a cool jacket” You defend yourself against your brother. “Shut up”

“Yeah dad shut up” Zoe tells him sarcastically with a little giggle.

“Yeah” You chuckle along with her and the room laughs too.

“Al can I see the photo?” You ask him and he nods with a smile.

Both of you stand behind Zoe and you look at the phone for a second. Alex wraps his arm around you, so he’s holding your hip and you send him a little smile.

He grins back at you but then you both look to your niece who is still loving the limelight. And then someone asks the question you’d really hoped to hear.

“Did you get a new top too Zo” Jess asks.

“I did. I love it” Zoe nods.

“Show us then?” Your Mum asks her, and you feel Alex’s hold you against him the tiniest bit tighter.

Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest. You look up at him and give him a quick smile and he squeezes your hip a bit, so he doesn’t give anything away too early.

You both look down to Zoe who was just unzipping her jacket and then she opened it up and put her hands on her hips to keep it open.

The room went silent after that and that was when it hit Jess, your sister in law, first. A loud gasp escaped her mouth and you couldn’t really hold your smile back any longer.

“Are you being serious?” She asks you looking at both you and Alex, still seeming to be the only one to understand what was happening and you both nod back at her.

It was then that you heard your Mum gasp and a second later Alex’s mum. You both fully grinned at them as your Mums got themselves up and ran over to you tears already in her eyes.

“Is my baby finally having her own baby” Your Mum shouts as she traps you in a hug.

“She is” You giggle down your Mums ear.

She squeals for you and she won’t let you escape from the hug at all. Not that you really wanted too.

“I’m so so so happy for you darling” She tells you still squeezing you tightly.

“Thank you Mum. I love you” You say hugging her back just as tight.

She then releases you and gives you a big kiss. You wipe away the few stray tears running down her face.

Alex’s Mum, Penny, is already fully sobbing as both Mums swap which child they pour their new found emotions on to.

“Y/N darling, I love you so much” She almost sobs as she hugs you.

“I love you too” You assure her, giving her a squeeze.

Penny lets you go but then holds your arms, probably more to keep her mind completely sane and ensure her that the moment was real.

She tells you, “I’m so happy for you”

“Thank you” You grin at her. This was such a lovely feeling; You were so happy you could finally tell people.

“I can’t believe you kids are having a baby” She says looking between you and Alex, who is currently still being hugged by your Mum. “It feels like I was only at your parents evening a year or two ago”

You giggled at that, “At least we waited a while, so you didn’t have that to chat about in school”

Penny then laughed at that. That would have been

“Yes, thank you for not doing that to me whilst you were in school. I would have killed him” Penny tells you with a little giggle.

“Don’t worry I think my mum would have battered me too” You tell her honestly, with a little chuckle.

You also add, “You’re finally going to be a Grandma or a Nana”

“I can’t believe you both made me wait five years for my first grandchild” Penny shakes her head.

“I’m sorry, I had to made sure he loved me properly first” You joke.  

“Hunny, he’s loved you since he was Fifteen” Penny assures you and you laugh.

“I know, he’s obsessed with me” You say giving Alex a little grin.

He just looked at you and gave you a little death stare.

But did he deny it…

No.

“My little girl who’s now pregnant with her own baby... don’t you make out like you weren’t drawing hearts with your and his name in it when you were Fourteen” Your Dad says as he stands by Penny’s side.

Penny giggles at your Dad dropping that truth bomb, along with Alex’s laughter as he hugs David.

“Dad” You whine, before you give him a hug.

His hug is tight and comforting, everything that you could want from a hug from your Dad.

He says softly, “Sweetie I love you, and I’m so happy and excited for you”

“Thank you Dad” You say hugging him tight before the hug is over all too soon.

Your Dad smiles at you when he lets you go before asking, “How far along are you?”

“Just over twelve weeks” You tell him with a smile.

“You’ve had your scan then?” Your Dad asks with hopeful eyes.

You can’t get the smile off your face as you say, “Yes… Do you want to see the picture?”

“I’d love too” You get it out from the jacket pocket and show him the first picture of his new grandchild.

Your Dad looks at it for a moment and you can see the smile on his face. He was completely beaming.

When he looked back up at you, you saw his eyes glistening with happy tears and your heart swelled at the sight.

He just about choked out, “Darling I’m so happy for the both of you”

“Thank you Dad. I love you” You say as you give him another big hug.

“I love you a million sweetie” He whispers down your ear as he hugs you back tightly.

Before you even released your Dad from your hug, the picture was snatched out of his hands by the soon to be grandmas to take a look at. The started crying again once they saw it.

Their reactions were just making you giggle.

When your Dad released you, David was then next in line for you to hug. And you couldn’t wait, David was always so lovely to you, you loved a good family hug.

“I’m beyond happy for the both of you” David says looking between you and Alex.

“Thank you… I’m excited for you though. You’re going to be a grandad” You say with a big smile before pulling him into a hug.

“Don’t. You’ll have me crying on you” David says with a little chuckle.

“Don’t worry, your son’s been crying on me the last few months… I can handle tears” You tell him.

Alex had been so adorable with you. When you both found out he started crying tears of joy.

Both of you were just so over the moon. It was amazing.

You were glad you weren’t the only emotional one in the house.

“I love you both so much. And I can’t wait to meet the little one” David says smiling between the two of you before looking down to your stomach that just had the tiniest little bump.

But you couldn’t see it, as you were wearing a loose top.

“Neither can we” Alex grins before kissing the side of your head.

Your brother then runs up to you, pulls you away from Alex before lifting you into the air by giving you the biggest hug in the world. And when he spends you around, you start giggling like a little girl.

“I’m so happy for you” He yells

You can’t help but giggle a, “Thank you”

Once your back on the ground, your brother gives you another proper hug before letting you go, saying, “I’m going to shout at your husband though”

“Oi Alex. How dare you get my little sister pregnant” Your brother fakes anger as his wife releases Alex form a hug.

“I’m sorry, she just kept asking me to put a baby in her” Alex sighs and then points at you, all with a cheeky smile on his face.

You smile back at him, but you say, “I think you’ll find it was him who brought it up so you can batter him if you want… Just leave his pretty face alone. I have to live with it”

“Hey” Alex scoffs offended, before your brother wraps him up in a big hug.

You giggle to yourself before you hug Jess, “Thank you so much for actually understanding what was going on then”

She laughs, “It’s okay. I just couldn’t believe your family was being so slow”

“Zoe literally got it after a second. I was thinking ‘surely this can’t be that hard to understand’” You tell her smiling to yourself.

“No, it really wasn’t, I got it straight away and then I saw your smile and couldn’t hold in a gasp” Jess giggles.

You chuckle, “Well thank you… They seemed to get it after you did”

“It’s alright” She says before she lets go of you.

“I do have a number two cousin top upstairs for Lucas too” You smile, and she says thanks again.

You little nephew now back to sleep in his car seat just across the room. He was just too adorable.

You both look towards the No 1 cousin though and see that she’s already giving Alex a hug. He then held Zoe at your level by sitting her on his hip like she was still 4 years old.

And that was when you tuned into their conversation.

“Thank you for helping us tell everyone” Alex gave her a toothy grin.

“It’s alright” Zoe assured him, “I think everyone is buzzing”

“I think they are” Alex laughed.

He added an, “Are you buzzing?”

She nodded at him and you had to cut into their conversation at that point.

“I should hope you are” You remind the little one, “You’ve been wanting a cousin since you were six”

“I’m proper buzzin’” She said in a very northern accent that made you both laugh.

~*~*~*~

The rest of the day was spent in such high spirits.

Your Christmas dinner was amazing, and you think you and Alex smashed it for your first time doing it. You were such a good team and you could only get stronger at this point.

Well if he wasn’t petty and still tried to get out of doing the cooking claiming that because Christmas was on a Friday this year, that he didn’t have to cook because it was your day.

But all jokes aside you had never been happier with him and you loved him so much.

He’d made your life so much better in every single way he possibly could. He’d given you his love and he was giving you a family.

Something that you’d always wanted.

So, when you both got to your bedroom once everyone had gone back home, you were both tired and emotional.

You lay yourself down on your bed, still fully clothed, and just thought over the past few days.

You’d had your scan, heard your baby’s heartbeat. Matt and Y/B/F told you they were pregnant too, you found out that your baby is due the day you went on holiday to LA and your life hadn’t been the same since. And you’d told your family you were expecting.

Life couldn’t be any better.

So, when Alex sat down on his side of the bed, you just couldn’t help but express yourself to the man that owned your entire heart.

“Thank you” You whisper to your husband.

Alex looks to you then curiously, a smile pulling his lips up when he asks, “What for?”

You start tearing up a big just feeling a bit emotional about everything.

“Just… Thank you for making me happy” You say, wiping away a stray tear away as you looked into those eyes you could forever get lost in.

Alex softly smiled at you when you said that, and crawls across the bed to give you a kiss which you really appreciated. You still weren’t tired of those soft lips meeting your own.

 And you were fairly certain at this point that you never would be.

“I love you so much” You say with a big smile.

He was truly your world.

Alex smiles back, pecking your lips once more before saying, “I love you too baby”

“Your baby is there” You tell him, putting a hand over your stomach.

“How could I forget?” Alex grins at you but then his gaze moves down your body.

He lies himself down across the bed, so his head is at your stomach and he looks to you as he lifts the bottom of your top. A silent question comes from him, asking if he can lift your top up.

You grin at him and nod.

That was the first and probably only time he’d ever asked if he could take your top off.

He brushed the bottom of your top up to just under your boobs and then he started trailing is fingertips across your stomach.

You laid back and watched as you husband started thinking out loud and it was the cutest thing.

“Okay then…” Alex trails off, looking at your smooth skin.

“So, you listen here you, hiding away in there” Alex softly says as his fingers trace over your tiny bump.

It was barely noticeable to anyone else, but Alex knew your body like the back of his hand. He could tell the little bump was there.

“You’ve gotta be good for your Mummy for the next six months because we don’t want her poorly like she was a few weeks back”

Alex continues his adorable one-sided conversation, and says to your tummy, “You can crave whatever food you want, and I’ll go and get it for you… But your Mummy doesn’t like throwing up, so just take it easy on her, yeah?”

You couldn’t help but smile at that. You started playing with the hair on the back of his head, which was growing back to how it used it be.

You’d never get used to him being cute. But this was a whole different level.

He carries on after he kisses your stomach, and says against your skin, “We can’t wait to meet you sweetheart”

You couldn’t contain your grin then, “You think we’re having a girl?”

Alex presses his lips down onto your stomach before he nods before giving you more kisses.

“What makes you think that?” You ask him.

You didn’t really want to interrupt his train of thought but you just needed to ask this once.

Alex smiles at you and says, “I don’t know. I just have a feeling”

You smile at him then and keep running your fingers though his hair as he continues talking your tiny bump.

“I can’t wait for you to arrive and we have the best time all three of us together” Alex smiles looking at your skin, resting his hand on top of it for a moment.

“Your Mummy makes me so happy anyway, but I can’t wait until I can walk into a room and see the two of you together” He says, and the thought makes your heart melt.

Especially when he continues on to say, “I can just imagine when your older that I’ll come home one day and see the both of you sat at the piano, because your Mum will definitely insist on teaching it to you when your big enough”

Alex carries on thinking scenarios up in his head, “I can’t wait to help get your ready for school and I can put plaits in your hair and for your Mum to teach me how to do that because I’m useless”

He then starts tracing random lines on your stomach again and he giggles when he adds, “She’ll have to let me practice on her hair like she practiced on mine the other year”

You had to try not to chuckle at that because you didn’t want to bring him out of his thoughts by your stomach moving up and down from you laughing. But yes, when he had his long hair you plaited it many a time.

“I can’t wait to meet you because I’m not going to leave you alone” Alex says to your stomach once more. “You’re already the best thing that’s ever happened to me…”

He then brings his other hand up to cover his mouth so you couldn’t see his lips moving. But you still heard him whisper, “But don’t tell your Mum because she thinks it’s still me and her getting together after loving each other from a distance for ten years”

You both share a little laugh then.

But Alex isn’t quite finished.

Your husband continues with, “I love you so so much, and I can’t wait for you to start this family off properly… We will get you loads of brothers and sisters though don’t worry. You won’t be lonely”

Your eyes widen at that and you feel the need to just quickly interrupt with, “That is only if Mummy can handle you. But the deal is, your Daddy has to make an album in between each sibling you have”

Alex chuckles again at that before kissing your stomach.

“Wow that’s a lot more music for me to write” He says with wide eyes.

“Like you’ll ever stop making it” You say raising your eyebrows at him.

“Alright alright�� He shakes his head, knowing he’s been caught out. “Can I get back to my chat now?”

“All yours” You say gesturing to your stomach so he can continue.

“Right before I was so rudely interrupted” Alex playfully rolls his eyes.

You giggle a little but listen to him as he carries on, “Okay so, I know your Mum’s going to love you to the moon and back like I will, but I’m going to steal you away from her so we can go and do fun things”

“I can’t wait to teach you how to ride a bike and I can’t wait to teach you how to play guitar because that’s better than piano but don’t tell your mummy that either”

You just smile at that.

“I can’t wait to hear you speak; I’m going to put in an early request for your first word to be ‘Dad’ please… That’ll make your Mum really jealous”

The giggle that falls from your lips is music to Alex’s ears. He loves your laugh so much.

“Thank you for making us both so happy already. And for all the happy times we’re going to have” Alex finishes of with before he looks towards you.

“And thank you for being amazing… And for carrying our baby… And for marrying me… And for being my best friend” He tells you.

Alex picks up your hand and kisses the back of it, then says, “I genuinely don’t know what I’d do without you”

“You don’t have to find out, don’t worry” You assure him.

You were here for good.

He couldn’t get rid of you now, even if he wanted to.

“Just thank you… For everything” He says once again, and you can hear how genuine he’s being.

“I love you Alex” You tell him before leaning forward to press your lips against his.

And Alex manages to say against your lips, “I love you too”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Let me know if you want to be added to my Alex Turner Taglist for future works x

Taglist: @the-girl-before @murderousginger @minigranger @turnertable @bastillewolf @slothgiirl @billskarsgard-is-gorgeous @watashi-no-namae-wo-yonde @fookingsummertime @marvel-avengers01 @shibuikelsi @toolateformcrtooearlytoleaveemo @gretavanbobatea @chocolatecig @iamnotjesha @rachaeljayne15 @edgythought @marveious @liviasaugusta @boysinskirts @musicmania100 @he4rtbre4khotel @innocte @beckauhhh @whoknowswhatimeant @tony-starks-ego @tobarmaidswhodontcount @elektranxtchiios @bettyschwallocksyee @alexsvacuumcleaner @cornerstqne @halfofwhatisayismeaningless @juicebox-baby @yousuck-marina @nrldswita @dot-writes @skullag @b-monkeys @babyhoneystvles @timchalamxt @writingismybiggestlove

Thank you all so much x

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