#tumblr stop being homophobic and make this post show up in the tags!

[offonaherosjourney]

[opinionsareopinions]

Do not threaten or harass anyone that’s involved in the situation whether they supported them or not

This blog is for the people who are currently on aware of what’s happening to the creator of Lurking for love.

The reason why most of their accounts were deactivated or just deleted is because of the harassment and threats they’ve been receiving.Someone in the community decided to out the creator by showing a tumblr post of them following homophobic accounts/Supporting Nazis and other unsavory things in their likes.If you really wanna read the post/tweets yourself to come up with your own conclusion it’s up to you.We really do not know what the creators personally going through,so you can support or not support them as much as you want no one is stopping you.I’m not going to be linking anything but if you follow the tags below you should easily find more information about this.If there’s any more new information I’ll make sure to add it.I’m not sure whether I would be responding to any comments or asks.I feel like there’s currently a lot of miss information being thrown around.Once again do not harass anyone from either side.

[possessionisamyth]

Every time I see the occasional floating SU post talking about how no one understood The Point, I both get it and immediately recognize that, due to the complex hate vortex created on tumblr during its run, people have selective memory for what legitimate and illegitimate criticisms were being made for the show. Heres a short list, do not add to it:

-the racism from outside and inside the house (human zoo full of brown people, entire bismuth plotline, white people saying garnet isn't black "shes an alien" which also happened for all of her fusions, blatant silencing of black teens written of as "the discourse" whenever they made decent talking points about anything, etc)

-people crucifying rebecca sugar for drawing illicit material as a minor (something a lot of ppl who do art or likes art makes or consumes when they get really into drawing or shipping)

-people shouting "rebecca sugar is jewish! she knows what she's doing" to any criticism at all to silence other people just engaging with the show and stating things they didn't like about certain episodes

-the reveal of rose quartz, the beautiful fat character we spent all this time learning bits and pieces about, being a skinny tall girl(pink diamond) in essentially a fat suit

-homophobic and transphobic people capitalizing on the discourse tags to shout louder and louder about small things that'd go under the radar of any other show further poisoning the cesspool (dumb shit like peridot being child coded)

-how the SU crew handled advertising when they really shouldn't have been doing any marketing ( the concrete reveal and immediate backtracking) and I do blame CN for not doing more actual marketing and trying to bank on social media clout with animators who are not equiped for this

-people asking for lowered stakes when it comes to the diamonds whole schtick because of the implications, and they could predict what the showrunners would do based on previous plotlines

-people upset because during a time where we were getting a fascism free sample(drump), the imaginary fascists get a handshake and a "okay, restorative justice time" moment

-severe lack of understanding that the show was cut short due to the ruby/sapphire wedding, and the movie and sequel series was an attempt to make up for it, and i can't say whether or not this was done well because I dropped out of SU before the movie dropped

In summary, I do think Steven Universe was important. It did do a lot of things well, and it helped open more doors for other creators to do more fun gay and trans stuff in their shows including handling difficult topics. Whether those other shows handle ALL those topics well isn't something I'm going to waste my breath on. If the writing captivates me then it captivates me, and now whether or not it's good is always second to whether or not I find it fun.

My little brother and I watched SU together like we did Gravity Falls and Adventure Time, and I was able to use the metaphor of Stevonnie to explain my nonbinary status to him without any issue. However, at some point for me, I stopped finding the show fun, and I know for a lot of people sucked into the tumblr hate vortex that meant they had to equate the show as Bad.

I don't know if I'll sit myself down and watch the movie or follow up series, but this isn't because I think they're bad. I simply have gotten back into actual adult fiction books and comics, so a lot of YA or kids content haven't been hitting those same brain spots with me like they used to when I was a minor or a young 20 something trying to figure out how to be a person.

There's more I could say about how lgbt+ writing and art is held under a tighter microscope than the most milquetoast cishet content, but there's already dozens of posts floating around that explain it better than I feel like doing at this hour.

What I will say though, is if you loved SU at first and you started to hate it, like genuinely hate it, maybe take the time to figure out when the hate started, what caused that hatred, and why you hated it, especially now that you don't have every other post on your feed talking about how SU sucks yelling in your ear.

[kronehaze]

Hey, I heard that you used to be an Adrien fan. Do you have any advice for people who still like him?

(Oh wait I realised this is the other blog and I need to give some context- annoying guy who wanted me to draw adrien on insta made a homophobic comment on my feluka stuff and then made a second account with a very similar name to tell me that I should stop drawing it and someone sent me an ask saying "as an adrien fan I apologise for the batshit crazy ones" and I responded with "lol it's fine I also used to be an adrien fan so I know how it is-")

Give up on Canon.

The character we thought was being written never existed and the writers do not have a shred of actual care for him. They do not even consider him to be abused. And this part sounds like a lie cuz they show it constantly on screen but given some of astrucs takes on how chloe is pure evil and isnt abused and fucking cat "Act the way you do around your abusive dad and the girl will like you more" walker - I genuinely think it was either an accident or something that the previous revolving door of writers set up and not an intentional idea from Tombo AssTruck

Tho people who fandom alchemy him into an actual character are cool tho, I just don't care enough to do that (+I've grown to Hate him)

This is my ML character development, started watching for Adrien, he was my favourite character, mi blorbo, the only reason I was here- if you look back on my blog enough you can see some adrien content I made before PV consumed my existence (for the record there was more I never posted on tumblr, I drew a lot of chat blanc stuff that never left discord or my old insta stories). And now I can't stand the sight of the love square.

Genuinely think the bulk of my emotional investment being put into PV is what saved me from getting even more emotional damage from Kuro Neko- I knew the warning signs but god damn that one was a slap in the face for everyone who liked him. Good thing it took off the rose tinted glasses tho, now I see he belongs in the trash can lol

Uh that's it for Salt Time, wake me up when a new heinous episode where Addidas Aglete gets Fucked with bad writing drops so I can unblock the adrien agreste tag and watch some of the people who will defend ML tooth and nail try their best to make it work-

[fozmeadows]

race & culture in fandom

For the past decade, English language fanwriting culture post the days of LiveJournal and Strikethrough has been hugely shaped by a handful of megafandoms that exploded across AO3 and tumblr – I’m talking Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Dr Who, the MCU, Harry Potter, Star Wars, BBC Sherlock – which have all been overwhelmingly white. I don’t mean in terms of the fans themselves, although whiteness also figures prominently in said fandoms: I mean that the source materials themselves feature very few POC, and the ones who are there tended to be done dirty by the creators.

Periodically, this has led POC in fandom to point out, extremely reasonably, that even where non-white characters do get central roles in various media properties, they’re often overlooked by fandom at large, such that the popular focus stays primarily on the white characters. Sometimes this happened (it was argued) because the POC characters were secondary to begin with and as such attracted less fan devotion (although this has never stopped fandoms from picking a random white gremlin from the background cast and elevating them to the status of Fave); at other times, however, there has been a clear trend of sidelining POC leads in favour of white alternatives (as per Finn, Poe and Rose Tico being edged out in Star Wars shipping by Hux, Kylo and Rey). I mention this, not to demonize individuals whose preferred ships happen to involve white characters, but to point out the collective impact these trends can have on POC in fandom spaces: it’s not bad to ship what you ship, but that doesn’t mean there’s no utility in analysing what’s popular and why through a racial lens.

All this being so, it feels increasingly salient that fanwriting culture as exists right now developed under the influence and in the shadow of these white-dominated fandoms – specifically, the taboo against criticizing or critiquing fics for any reason. Certainly, there’s a hell of a lot of value to Don’t Like, Don’t Read as a general policy, especially when it comes to the darker, kinkier side of ficwriting, and whether the context is professional or recreational, offering someone direct, unsolicited feedback on their writing style is a dick move. But on the flipside, the anti-criticism culture in fanwriting has consistently worked against fans of colour who speak out about racist tropes, fan ignorance and hurtful portrayals of living cultures. Voicing anything negative about works created for free is seen as violating a core rule of ficwriting culture – but as that culture has been foundationally shaped by white fandoms, white characters and, overwhelmingly, white ideas about what’s allowed and what isn’t, we ought to consider that all critical contexts are not created equal.

Right now, the rise of C-drama (and K-drama, and J-drama) fandoms is seeing a surge of white creators – myself included – writing fics for fandoms in which no white people exist, and where the cultural context which informs the canon is different to western norms. Which isn’t to say that no popular fandoms focused on POC have existed before now – K-pop RPF and anime fandoms, for example, have been big for a while. But with the success of The Untamed, more western fans are investing in stories whose plots, references, characterization and settings are so fundamentally rooted in real Chinese history and living Chinese culture that it’s not really possible to write around it. And yet, inevitably, too many in fandom are trying to do just that, treating respect for Chinese culture or an attempt to understand it as optional extras – because surely, fandom shouldn’t feel like work. If you’re writing something for free, on your own time, for your own pleasure, why should anyone else get to demand that you research the subject matter first?

Because it matters, is the short answer. Because race and culture are not made-up things like lightsabers and werewolves that you can alter, mock or misunderstand without the risk of hurting or marginalizing actual real people – and because, quite frankly, we already know that fandom is capable of drawing lines in the sand where it chooses. When Brony culture first reared its head (hah), the online fandom for My Little Pony – which, like the other fandoms we’re discussing here, is overwhelmingly female – was initially welcoming. It felt like progress, that so many straight men could identify with such a feminine show; a potential sign that maybe, we were finally leaving the era of mainstream hypermasculine fandom bullshit behind, at least in this one arena. And then, in pretty much the blink of an eye, things got overwhelmingly bad. Artists drawing hardcorn porn didn’t tag their works as adult, leading to those images flooding the public search results for a children’s show. Women were edged out of their own spaces. Bronies got aggressive, posting harsh, ugly criticism of artists whose gijinka interpretations of the Mane Six as humans were deemed insufficiently fuckable.

The resulting fandom conflict was deeply unpleasant, but in the end, the verdict was laid down loud and clear: if you cannot comport yourself like a decent fucking person – if your base mode of engagement within a fandom is to coopt it from the original audience and declare it newly cool only because you’re into it now; if you do not, at the very least, attempt to understand and respect the original context so as to engage appropriately (in this case, by acknowledging that the media you’re consuming was foundational to many women who were there before you and is still consumed by minors, and tagging your goddamn porn) – then the rest of fandom will treat you like a social biohazard, and rightly so.

Here’s the thing, fellow white people: when it comes to C-drama fandoms and other non-white, non-western properties? We are the Bronies.

Not, I hasten to add, in terms of toxic fuckery – though if we don’t get our collective shit together, I’m not taking that darkest timeline off the table. What I mean is that, by virtue of the whiteminding which, both consciously and unconsciously, has shaped current fan culture, particularly in terms of ficwriting conventions, we’re collectively acting as though we’re the primary audience for narratives that weren’t actually made with us in mind, being hostile dicks to Chinese and Chinese diaspora fans when they take the time to point out what we’re getting wrong. We’re bristling because we’ve conceived of ficwriting as a place wherein No Criticism Occurs without questioning how this culture, while valuable in some respects, also serves to uphold, excuse and perpetuate microaggresions and other forms of racism, lashing out or falling back on passive aggression when POC, quite understandably, talk about how they’re sick and tired of our bullshit.

An analogy: one of the most helpful and important tags on AO3 is the one for homophobia, not just because it allows readers to brace for or opt out of reading content they might find distressing, but because it lets the reader know that the writer knows what homophobia is, and is employing it deliberately. When this concept is tagged, I – like many others – often feel more able to read about it than I do when it crops up in untagged works of commercial fiction, film or TV, because I don’t have to worry that the author thinks what they’re depicting is okay. I can say definitively, “yes, the author knows this is messed up, but has elected to tell a messed up story, a fact that will be obvious to anyone who reads this,” instead of worrying that someone will see a fucked up story blind and think “oh, I guess that’s fine.” The contextual framing matters, is the point – which is why it’s so jarring and unpleasant on those rare occasions when I do stumble on a fic whose author has legitimately mistaken homophobic microaggressions for cute banter. This is why, in a ficwriting culture that otherwise aggressively dislikes criticism, the request to tag for a certain thing – while still sometimes fraught – is generally permitted: it helps everyone to have a good time and to curate their fan experience appropriately.

But when white and/or western fans fail to educate ourselves about race, culture and the history of other countries and proceed to deploy that ignorance in our writing, we’re not tagging for racism as a thing we’ve explored deliberately; we’re just being ignorant at best and hateful at worst, which means fans of colour don’t know to avoid or brace for the content of those works until they get hit in the face with microaggresions and/or outright racism. Instead, the burden is placed on them to navigate a minefield not of their creation: which fans can be trusted to write respectfully? Who, if they make an error, will listen and apologise if the error is explained? Who, if lived experience, personal translations or cultural insights are shared, can be counted on to acknowledge those contributions rather than taking sole credit? Too often, fans of colour are being made to feel like guests in their own house, while white fans act like a tone-policing HOA.

Point being: fandom and ficwriting cultures as they currently exist badly need to confront the implicit acceptance of racism and cultural bias that underlies a lot of community rules about engagement and criticism, and that needs to start with white and western fans. We don’t want to be the new Bronies, guys. We need to do better.  

[hannah-maries-blog]

Here we are yet again with the people invalidating and judging a popular mlm ship. This time? Buddie (Buck and Eddie from 911)

People say it's fetishization (which I don't doubt some of the people who ship them are doing that) but as someone who goes through the tags on Tumblr and TikTok and Twitter I don't see that. Maybe I just don't see as many posts as others or something (I haven't been in this fandom that long) but the majority of the posts about Buddie that I see are just discussing the show and parallels and headcanons and the differences in how they act around each other and others. A lot of fanfic is sexual but I thought that's how it was in most fandoms (I have not been a part of every fandom obvi but like fanfic has a reputation for being sexual).

People get so upset over any LGBTQ+ ship but I mostly see it with MLM ships. Whether it's people trying to invalidate the shipper/ship or people being homophobic or the good ol "why can't they just be friends?" (Bc that's usually all they ever are). Like yes seeing healthy male friendships on screen is wonderful but having mlm ships be canon is wonderful too. There are so many male friendships in media and it's understandable to want to continue to see those friendships but it's also understandable to want mlm canon couples and other LGBTQ+ canon couples on screen. We're not trying to take over and have the roles switch and have mostly mlm canon couples and a few male friendships shown on screen or have 95% of characters in a show/movie be LGBTQ+, we just want to be involved and to be properly represented with respect.

So many popular mlm ships have romantic tropes used for them and are so close it can be seen as best friends or family but why not also potential love interests? It's not just having a deep connection. It's not just loving each other. It's not just looking at each other like they're each other's world. It's not just those things. It's all those things put together and and more.

Merthur, Johnlock, Destiel, Stucky, Lokius, etc...all get people hating on them saying "why can't they just be friends? They're like brothers! They're family! Why do you have to make everything gay?" The thing is there really isn't anything wrong with these ships and we have reasons for shipping them that don't have to do with anything sexual. Also, most of the time they're not made canon! I see Buddie getting the same treatment that those ships I mentioned did/do. There is nothing wrong with shipping Buddie. There is something wrong with fetishizing people/characters but that goes with everyone despite sexuality so I don't know why people always bring up this argument when it comes to LGBTQ+ ships. Yes people do bring up sexual fantasies/headcanons when talking about characters they ship and there is discussion about whether or not that's appropriate but don't mistake those headcanons that individuals have with the validity of a queer ship. If the shippers are the ones upsetting you, stop interacting with them. Don't get so annoyed at them to the point you look at the ship in disgust and end up hating it. The ship is still good. The characters still have all the chemistry they had before the fandom started getting on your nerves but don't take that out on the ship itself. I understand Destiel shippers upset a lot of people but that doesn't take away from Destiel or the validity of the ship itself.

Please stop hating on ships/characters just because the fandom is hateful/annoying. There is nothing wrong with Stucky no matter how much the fandom annoys you.

Anyway I just wanted to say that because it seems that everytime an mlm ship becomes more well-known/popular that's when the hate comes in. It's like people loved Stucky until the fandom got on their nerves...like?? bestie Stucky is still Stucky and you should still ship them if you want to. You don't have to interact with the rest of the shippers if you don't want to.

Last point : just because you ship a ship that is not your sexuality does not mean you are fetishizing them. You can see the chemistry that the rest of us see and you can ship them too.

[samuclit]

Love Foolish

miya atsumu x reader

tags: angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship, mature, a little smut (define little on your own), 7.8K words

Summary: Miya Atsumu didn't realise that he was actually counting the days he spent with you while being your boyfriend. The step-process to how your relationship with him rekindles every time a new day begins was not as apparent as it seems to be, but he sure knew that the dreaded day when it comes to an end will never come.

This is an old piece that I worked on last year...I am terribly sorry for the way I post this fic I am not good with tumblr yall this is harder than my degree 

........................

Day 153

Atsumu was exhausted. He just got back from training with the college team for a few weeks already. He needs to catch up with the college team even though the time he spent away was used for his training with the MSBY Black Jackals team. He was advised by his family members, team coach and his friends that he should not miss out on any practice without a valid reason and should diligently claim his spot on both teams with the most outstanding effort and attitude so he followed, believed that this is for the best in order to build his volleyball career he was always so passionate about since he was in middle school. If only Osamu joins him, he thinks it won’t be as draining as it is right now.

Everyone in college knows Miya Atsumu, he is too perfect. The handsome look, tall and built figure, his diligence in both studies and shaping his career, to top it all off he is charming and is a ladies’ man. He could make every girl fall for him the instant he flashes his smirk that has been scientifically proven to be a bait for everyone in this universe. One small talk he could get girls on his bed, spending the whole night snogging off each other and leaving them whenever he got annoyed with the sudden disturbance. You happen to be one of the girls who got in his bed, goes on several dates with him, but this time you were one of the people who last longer than a week, and then a month and few more months after that. He assumes and waits for you to be the one ending the relationship but it won’t even come, and he is already tired of waiting.

So, he makes you tired. He doesn't want anything to be on his way at all, and you in the equation is making him disturbed at some times. During the first few weeks of dating, you often invite him for a date at the coffee shop which he obliges only for the reason to not break your feelings even though he has some tasks which are more important at hand. You are nice, but he isn’t. He told Suna that you deserve better. 

It has also been roughly two weeks since he last talked to you, and deep in his heart he kind of wants your nagging presence around him, just to distract him from the truckload of stress he’s carrying on his shoulders. So he texted you.

You: [Name], are ya coming or not. Been thinking of binging that Netflix series you’ve been babbling about.

[Name]: Ah sorry, it’s girls’ night with Midori and her gf. 

You: I see. Have fun. 

Seen.

That’s weird. You said it yourself that you wanted to binge on the weekends with him, after he finished with this practice for the week, and also he thinks that’s just you trying to make up with him after your first argument with him. It is...nobody’s fault, he thinks. He doesn’t want to blame himself and you, partially because you were really upset that day that you raised your voice and he didn’t chase you after you ran out of the apartment. It is just a silly argument. He doesn't want to think about it that much. 

As he took a shower and dressed himself in a fresh new pair of t-shirt and black sweatpants, he plopped himself on the sofa and went through Netflix to find something worth watching. He saw the show you wanted to watch ; Pretty Little Liars. Ah it’s not even a Netflix series, it’s just a series which is available on Netflix. Seems like he wasn’t even attentive to what you said. 

Before he falls asleep, he walks down the memory lane, to remember how exactly you and Atsumu could last this long in a relationship.

Day 0

The party seems to be a hit! His seniors on the volleyball team joined hands with the football team to conduct a party to celebrate post-sports festival of Tokyo U that happened for a week long and the party is held at the dorms outside of the campus so the board of education won’t meddle, with the promise that there aren’t drugs involved. Which is okay, the athletes are supposed to stay away from drugs and they’re disciplined enough to consider their life decisions. 

He was simply just hanging around in the living room of the dorm, which is a terrace house in a neighbourhood a few kilometres away, talking to his friends, Suna and Komori, who are his teammates in the college team. Komori used to go to the same Youth Camp with Atsumu so they knew each other since then. “Huh, sick party. I didn’t think there would be too many people here.” Komori said as he chugs down his cold beer, swaying a little after he finishes with a slightly long chug. “Senpai said just the athletes of the college are invited, but it seems like the whole campus crashed together. Lunatics.” Atsumu said as he plopped down on the bean bag and leaned his head back. Suna calls out.

“Oi, Midori is here. I invited her.” Atsumu is familiar with Midori, he has never been close with her but he knows of her since they went to the same high school together. The three pairs of eyes went towards the door together to greet Midori, with you tailing behind her. “Hey, glad ya made it!” Suna lunges forward and grabs Midori in a hug. “Yeah, cool place, I’m sorry I don’t have a plus one to bring with so I just drag my friend along. Hey, this is [Name]. Go say hi and be friends!” Midori pushed the other girl, which he heard to be [Name], also a familiar name. “Oh wait...you guys must have not have known about her...we went to the same school man...” Midori pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. It is sad that not many people know about small girls like [Name] that much. 

Indeed, you went to the same school and you’re in a completely different league than Atsumu, he was and still is the famous athlete that has the entire girls’ population wrapped around his fingers. You’re around the circle of...top scorers who are active in volunteers and some other stuff Atsumu was not into. “Oh, is she another one of your hockey teammates?” you continue hiding behind Midori’s taller frame. Midori pulled you away and hugged your waist, giving support. “Come on now, babe say hi, they’re our friends” you glared at her with a smug look. “Hye, it’s [Name]. I’m not an athlete, I’m a political science major, pleasure to meet ya” your eyes tried to glance from Suna to Komori and to Atsumu but you averted your eyes away from him as soon as it landed on him. You look cute in just a rock concert t-shirt with black jeans shorts and plain converse. Classic party look, but you are not the type to go to parties because...assignments and stress are getting through you  which explains why you’re all fidgety. Midori knows there’s more to that, cause you’re a very wild extrovert at some time.

“Hey, enjoy the party, drinks and snacks are down there, the toilet is on another end, help yerself.” Atsumu pats on your shoulder and moves past you to greet his other friends who crashed the party. You’re petrified, to say the least and moved quick on your heels to head to the bathroom for some reality check. The environment is overwhelming. 

Atsumu gets tired easily even after downing a can of beer but he isn’t exactly drunk. He is just tired with the lots of conversations and the girls from other courses trying to talk to him, wanting the conversation in a bedroom which he said no to, he is a responsible man. He is not going to do it with them when in their drunken stupor. However, his endless denials are stopped with a sudden disturbance right in front of him.

Midori is on a couch, with a girl and was playing with her hair and occasionally rubbing her thigh and before they closed in someone threw a beer cup at Midori. “What the hell? Leave me alone!” Midori turned his body to see a bulked up guy whose name Atsumu doesn’t remember behind the couch, looming over the two figures sitting on the couch. It’s going to get ugly. 

“What the fuck, you leave us alone! Why the hell are homos here. Get out!”  Midori and the poor girl trembles in fear and Atsumu wants to blow a kick so bad but he can’t move because of the girls that are around him. Before he tried to push the girls away, he saw you moving towards him, taking away the beer can he has in his hands. “I’m sorry I’m taking this!” Your eyes had a small fire ignited in it and he can’t help but gave away his beer can, and then he saw you walking up on the couch and on to the head rest, spit into the beer and pours the beer all over the homophobic guy who slandered your friend. The guy was drenched and screamed because the beer was icy cold and it came to contact with his skin that got heated from way too much alcohol consumed. 

“Oh, I am very sorry, I was convinced that this big hunk of muscle is a trash can!” you screamed with an evil laughter and the whole party laughed and cackled at the sight of the giant asshole from Engineering talking shit about the woman adored by the majority of campus. Midori is your best friend, a very kind, beautiful  and valid lesbian friend of yours. You would do anything to protect her from the touch of homophobic devils that would insult her every now and then. It has been happening more recently after she got out of the closet, even when she was inside all this time, you have always given her tons of support and protection because it’s just something about you. Midori was already smiling and got herself up away from the sofa with the girl she was with, hands holding hers tightly. 

“You punk! Are ya crazy? Do ya want me to kill ya like I kill your friend here?” your figure who had one leg propped on the head rest while the other on the couch went tense and is about to fall and the nasty asshole grabbed you by the neck, having you lifted in the air and no one helped to stand against him except Midori who was pulling your body before the guy fully grasped your entire neck in his hands. Before he even pressed harder on your throat, Atsumu landed a punch on his face, making himself knocked down on the floor. You already fell flat on the couch, trying to regain your breath. He warns the guy off and he immediately leaves after. 

“Shit shit, are you okay?” Atsumu kneels on the floor to check up on you, who were lying on the couch, still coughing out and trying to calm down. Midori ran to get some water for you. “I’m fine, fine, where's Midori? Is she okay?” Midori hit you in the arm. “Idiot. I am fine but look at you, I told you I’m alright, if you give them attention and piss them off they will harm you, look what happened.” Midori cries and hugs you. Atsumu checked up on your face, saw tiny drops on the edge of your eye which got wiped away the instant Midori wrapped her arms around you. “I told you  I will always protect you okay, I promised you that” Midori looked at your face again and was still sobbing. She turns towards Atsumu who stood by them. Suna and Komori arrived in the space after making sure the guys had run off. The party went back to normal and it’s chaos again. 

“Thank you, Atsumu, if it weren’t for you, I don’t know what would happen to the both of us.” The girl from before is rubbing her hands on Midori’s back trying to calm her down. “No, [Name] did the most fight, I only come in when it gets physical. I let ya know when I see that guy again I am going to beat the living shit out of him. Nasty jackass.” Atsumu’s rage calms down when he sees you and Midori laugh, finally he makes a safe space for you and her. After some minutes of calming down and talking and giggling Midori takes the cue to leave. “I think I need to go now, need to take some air, you should, too, babe. Love you” Midori hugged and left with the girl she was with the entire time during the party.

Atsumu has long left you and Midori alone when you were busy talking to her, so he goes away somewhere to talk with some of the boys from the football club. They heard something about how that guy is a maniac and has been expressing his hate crimes for several years now, basically a loser and Atsumu thinks his sucker punch is something he could take pride in. After he saw Midori take off with the girl he saw you heading towards the door that linked to the backyard. More people were there, some were laying on the ground doing some unnecessarily lewd stuff that Atsumu does not want to remember.

He saw you taking a seat on one of the stools that was set up for guests to sit. He brought a can of beer, intended to give you. As he approaches you were rubbing around the area on your throat which the bully from before had pressed on. You were still in pain. “Hey, needa drink?” Atsumu hands over the beer while he sits down on the stool next to you. “Ah, I’m sorry I don’t...drink around guys. Trust issues.” Atsumu furrowed his eyebrows and he finally got what you were trying to say. “Oh, I totally get it, I’m sorry.” You were a flustered mess. You didn’t intend to actually...reject a kind offer from him but it’s a strange new place and strange new environment, though you knew Atsumu from high school to be quite a decent person that you– “[Name]? Are ya okay? Ya were about to say something earlier?” “Oh, yeah. You don’t have to apologise, we can just go for drinks some other times'' you let out a small laugh and he smiles. Awkward.

“Ya don’t have to worry about that guy, I heard someone is going to report him to the dean. He’ll be out in no time” you smirked. “Good! Midori must be happy”. The both of you laughed and the  conversation continued randomly, topics about his volleyball activities and you popping in some random thoughts about life to him, it makes him feel weird at first but he picks up after quite some time.

And the night goes with you spending your night with him on his small bed in the apartment he shared with his other friends. Kisses are littered all over your body and Atsumu leads you through your first intimate session with so much ease and gentleness. He left an especially passionate kiss on the neck that tells the stories of your fight and trauma, hoping that he could kiss it away and replace it with the memories of your first. “Are ya really sure about this?” Atsumu asked at one point when you were making out with him on his lap just right after he got you in his room. “Please, do what you want” and Atsumu continues to ravish you and pulls on every article that trapped your beautiful untouched body. 

The morning he woke up, you were sleeping soundly, despite the uncovered chest you had on display cause you fell asleep after the second round of fucking you had no chance to clean up or put on a shirt. The messy hair and arousing look you had on aside, you look too peaceful to be on someone’s bed, someone who you have known for a long time but have only gotten close from an impromptu encounter so Atsumu threw the plans of getting out of bed aside and continues watching the small details on your face. He would pick up the falling strands of your hair and tucks it behind your ear, trailing his fingers on the swollen lips you had after making out with him the entire night. He enjoys your presence. He likes it, being with you, so this is all worth it. 

As your eyes fluttered open, squinting because of the bright sun, which was now covered by Atsumu’s hands to help you get back to sleep without the disturbance. You woke up anyway. “Atsumu, what are ya doing?” you asked, trying to pull the blanket that barely covers your naked front. “Just letting a princess continue her peaceful sleep” you were blushing, it feels like a dream to wake up with Atsumu next to you, so you lean into him more and he tackles you under the sheets. As Atsumu closes in again, about to kiss you like he did the previous night before, your eyes widened and you pushed him away, rolling out of bed naked. You pulled the blanket to cover yourself and scrammed to find your underwear and outfit from last night. “Fuck, fuck I’m late shit I gotta go” you were clasping your bra and putting on your underwear as you continue with your series of cuss words picked up at random. “What’s going on are you okay? Was it–“ you put on your jean shorts and looked at him. “No-no I’m late to a group discussion and I am going to die I think.” You already had your phone in hand with your bag in hand running to the door. Atsumu put on his sweatshirt and training shorts in a haste, offering to give you a ride. 

“Hey, I can help ya get to yer spot with my car. Don’t have ta rush'' you gaped and mumbles thousands of gratefulness and lunges forward to hug but stopped yourself. In the car you were on a phone call with one of the people in your group and you immediately spilled the idea you had in mind in a heartbeat. Atsumu has been driving nowhere so he stops and parked his car at the parking space of the nearby McDonald’s. After several arguments and reasons to have your opinion accepted you finally heaved a relief and ended the call with another apology. 

“Yer quite a persistent one aren’tcha?” you looked at him, face messy, unclean and tired. The post-sex glow seems to not work with everyone. “Yeah, there’s an event and I’m in charge. I was so caught-off guard. Pretty sure they will kick me out if they don’t accept my idea but guess not!” you laughed and smiled gleefully. Pure satisfaction whenever people acknowledge us. Atsumu understood that much. “So...since you don’t have to go...breakfast?” Atsumu points his thumb to the back of the car, which was the entrance to the McDonald’s. “No...I stink so much...but I am hungry so....drive-thru?” Atsumu smiles and puts down the handbrake. “Sure thing, princess”.

After you both got your respective breakfast meal set, Atsumu takes off to the lake and brought you together with him to eat on the benches. Atsumu enjoys the company as much as you did. What starts off with a random conversation of how the duck is limping, to talking about the fluffiness of the poodle someone took for a walk turns into a conversation about each others’ personal lives.

“If anything, virginity is a social construct to put down women, so if you think last night is fun just because of that, I am going to berate your entire existence” you warn him, mouth full with the breakfast muffin. “Sure, what’s fun about last night is that you’re hot and I like you.” Atsumu closes in, trying to make you feel more flustered. “You...like me?” you were blushing and he guessed that his classic method works. “Can say that, I don’t usually have breakfast with people I sleep with, so I think that’s how I know.” You scoffed as his smug smile grew wider. “Oh you’re quite a cheesy one. So, this isn’t just a one time thing?” you looked over to him. He said no and continued kissing you like he meant it. 

Days after that, the dates are frequent, spending the night in his apartment is a routine, watching movies is a norm and the intimate sessions get more interesting for the past few months, he thinks he needs to tell you all about his fantasy and you told him yours and both wishes are fulfilled.

Day 150

Atsumu woke up from the nap, the movie was already finished by then. He reached for his phone which was ringing non-stop. He's going to puke his brains out. Midori was the one calling him. There are around 7 missed calls coming from Midori.

“Oi pisshead, your girlfriend’s drunk. Come and pick her up.” Atsumu looks at the time

10.50

“Didn’t last that long?” Atsumu giggles. Midori snapped. 

“I’m being serious. She gets crazier now you need to pack her up. I can’t because my girlfriend is as shit-faced drunk right now.” Midori starts to call out your name to get off the table. Whatever that happened it must have been really shitty what’s going on down there at the bar.

“Okay, just text me the address I’m on my way” Atsumu took his wallet and car keys with him, all fresh to fetch your drunk ass home. 

As soon as he arrived he stormed to the booth which you and Midori sat at. You were already lying down on the couch, fast asleep and giggling as you sleep. “Okay you’re here. I’m going home with my girlfriend so you take care of her properly.” Midori sat herself at the couch you were sleeping on. “[Name].....I’m going now so take care okay! Love you goodnight!” you were whining so loudly at her. “Nooooo....Midoriiiii-chan I am going to miss you don’t leave me” you were pouting and whining and hug Midori to prevent her from going. Atsumu stood at the side watching the mess unfold. “Your boyfriend is here to pick you up! Goodbye!” Midori dragged her girlfriend away and got out of the bar.

“Midori’s good at lying. There’s no way my boyfriend cares ‘bout me” Atsumu covers his face in shame because the other customers at the bar are looking at you. “Who are ya...are you a stranger? Can I call you Mr Stranger? You look handsome.” You giggled and Atsumu laughed at your cuteness. This is certainly a new side to you, he has never seen you turn into a giant ball of fluff before. “Okay now cmon Miss [Name] let’s get ya home.” Atsumu swooped your legs in his right hand while the other supported the small back of your body. Your eyes are still squinting which must be the reason why you can’t recognise Atsumu yet. 

“I miss my boyfriend Mr Stranger. I want to see him...please take me to see him pleassseeeee.” You buried your face in his chest and held on to the cotton string of his hoodie. “Oh yeah? Is he really that handsome?” he puts you in the passenger seat and buckles your seatbelt. “He is! His hair colour is a bit funny, Midori said it makes it look like he bathed in piss” Atsumu got that too many times already. “But in my very personal point of view, it is kind of biased, he rocks that look. He looks hot!” Atsumu blushed and proceeded to head to the driver’s seat. It’s you and your habit of expressing too many opinions again. He liked this one. He also misses your constants chit chat after a whole month of not talking to each other because of a petty argument. He admits that he misses you so much, but a jerk like him won’t admit it. He’s going to break up with you anyway.

As he continues driving he would listen to what you said about ‘your boyfriend’ and he would sometimes smirks and whispers an ‘I know’ and sometimes it is too loud you caught him in the act. The night drive seems fun with you, and he figures you are still too drunk and even with too much talking your body stays the same. You fell asleep at some point, when he is close to the apartment you resided in. He found out after quite some time that Midori moved into her girlfriend’s apartment so now you live alone. 

Even after he arrives at the apartment complex he lets you take some time to sleep, and as time passes by and it’s getting later into the night, he shakes your shoulder to wake you up. 

“Hey, [Name], we’re here.” Atsumu smiles as you yawn and stretches your limbs.

“Mr Stranger? I have a secret. Can I tell you...I’m afraid to tell anyone.” You said after some time. Atsumu had no idea what to do. So he just played along. “Yeah, I promise I will keep it.” Atsumu laughs and looks at you. 

“I think my boyfriend doesn’t love me. I kind of got the gist of it for a long time...but...now I am convinced. I think...the next time I see him, will be the last time I see him. And I–I don’t wanna” you cried immediately, you were sobbing too hard and you covered your face with the both of your palms. Atsumu is shattered especially, what you said was true. He might break it off when time comes, but seeing your heart broken and giving up the usual happy and chaotic smile and laughter you had because of the thought of breaking up with him, he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. So he asked further. He needs to know more, he needs to know why. Why do you catch up to what he was thinking so fast? 

“W-why is it?” Atsumu choked on his breath. His heart was thumping so loudly, and it was beating off the charts. “He seems to not want me around...I tried my best to give him space, time for himself  but....he never wants a time wimme....and then...I-he-he don’t want to see me even when he is free”. You continue crying in the silent car, Atsumu wanted to reach your hands but he knew that would be such an asshole thing to do since he is the one causing this mess. Atsumu got out of the car and opened the door from your seat. “Hey hey let’s get you to your apartment okay?” Atsumu unbuckled the seat belt and you kept on crying, you pulled on his sweater and gripped it so tightly and wailed like a baby into his chest. He sighed and embraced you in a tight hug, calmly rubbing the small of your back trying to calm you down. 

After quite some time only the sniffles could be heard. You start talking again. “You know...I’d rather see him happy even if it means I need to break up with him. Ah I’m so dramatic for no reason. Can you help...carry me to my apartment, Mr Stranger?” you pulled away from his hug, makeup ruined and eyes red. Atsumu smiled and nodded at you. “Of course, I’ll carry you.” He carried you in a manner when he hugs your tiny body to carry you to the bed during one of those nights he needed a release. This closeness to your warm body, and the earlier event that happened of you confessing to a complete stranger about him, he is regretting it. 

Day 125

Atsumu just got home from South Korea. He was there for a training camp with the home team there because one of his coach from the MSBY Black Jackals used his connections with an old friend to conduct a camp for them to further polish the players’ skill in the said sport. It would be a great chance for him to bloom more than how he is after his successful debut as a Div. 1 League player. 

He was simply relaxing around after two days and Osamu was cooking plenty of food for the gang. Osamu invited some friends of his, and Suna brought his girlfriend with him. Komori was there too, with his cousin. When Osamu asked if he was going to invite you, Atsumu shrugged and said no, he wants to relax without you around. Even if you are around you would never go that far to make him uncomfortable. He still hasn’t called you yet even when he landed in Tokyo two days before. 

“Atsumu, didn’t ya miss yer girlfriend? Just tell her to come over.” Osamu said from the kitchen, bringing a pot of stew he made for the gang and putting it on the table. “Nah, she didn’t even know I’m in Tokyo.” Everyone in the living room looks at him. “Miya you’re kinda an asshole for that” Komori said as he passed a bowl to Suna and his girlfriend. “Cmon now don’t look at me like I’m a criminal or sumn...I just want to relax I’ll tell her later.” Atsumu scoffed and leaned his back to the sofa as he was sitting on the carpet.

“Are you...joking. She came by practice the other day, said she can’t reach you.” Sakusa said as he put down his mask aside and dug in. Atsumu knew that. He purposely ignored your text and calls and only left a message when you’re offline or when he knows you were sleeping. He doesn't want distractions. “Yer a prick, [Name]’s really nice and ya can’t see that. If ya got issues just break up already.” Suna speaks and his girlfriend agrees. “Yeah for real, if Rintarou had issues I know he is going to leave my ass in the streets. But I’m glad he has no problems. As a woman I will honestly kick you in the ass, ya know, that woman with woman solidarity.” Suna kissed his girlfriend on the cheek and Atsumu scoffed. “I know, I just don’t know the right time yet.” Komori already mumbles a series of cuss words,  Osamu and Suna sigh and Suna pulls his girlfriend back from kicking Atsumu in the face. Sakusa heard a doorbell and reached for the door now to open.

“[Name]?” Sakusa screams in shock. Speaking of the witch. Well, you’re not a witch, you’re the sweetest person ever that happens to be Atsumu’s unlucky girlfriend. “Hey Sakusa-san! Nice to see you! I brought something!” you waltzed in the door and headed to the kitchen you’re already familiar with. Atsumu felt his guilt eating his insides. Who the fuck called you here? 

Komori puts his phone up so Atsumu can see. Komori smirks at him and Atsumu flashes out the middle finger to him. Sakusa mumbles and points at Atsumu, he said somewhere along the lines of you solve this on your own, Miya! 

Osamu headed to greet you first. “Hey Osamu, I brought some home made dorayaki for you and Atsumu. You guys love it right?” Osamu smiles and thanked you endlessly. You smiled but as you looked at the awkward little Atsumu behind Osamu you stopped smiling. He headed towards you and Osamu knows it’s his cue to leave the both of you in the kitchen.

“Hey, how’s South Korea?” Atsumu sat on the chair of the kitchen island. “Twas good. The food there, they’re amazing.” You hummed. “Glad you enjoyed it. Maybe I would know more if you actually answer my calls and texts about how busy you are and tell me when you arrived. But it seems like you don’t miss me that much.” You sighed. 

“[Name], I’m just...I’m sorry I need time for myself I’m so tired.” You looked at him, sad and gloom covering your whole body like the dark blue cardigan you had around you. “Tired of me or of practice?” you asked and reached for the tips of his fingers. “That’s–that’s not it, okay. Please give me some time.” Atsumu pleaded, you flinched when he suddenly glared at you. 

After some time, you released a deep breath and headed to the door. “Enjoy the dorayaki guys, I hope I don’t interrupt you guys. I’m sorry and please take care of Atsumu for me.” You opened the door and headed out. Atsumu is still in his seat. When the door was slammed he got up and sat himself back on the carpet around his friends. He picks up his chopsticks and pulls the omelette Osamu made. Everyone was staring at him.

“Eat your food and stop staring at me.” Atsumu rolled his eyes and ate more food on the table. “Ya don’t even want to chase her?” Osamu asked from beside him. “Nope.” Komori scoffed. 

“Just want you to know she got here by bus alone. I don’t know if it helped change your mind.” Komori said and drank his cold lemon tea he poured for himself. Atsumu stopped chewing and clenched his jaw, looking at Komori.

“The one who ruined lunch is you, Atsumu.” Suna’s girlfriend said and Suna agreed. So does everyone else. 

You don’t leave a text to Atsumu to the day he picked you up from the bar. He only texted you because he wants to end the relationship.

Day 153

Atsumu still has you in his arms. You’re already asleep, face still drenched with tears. He struggled with the pin to your apartment but picks up after a while of thinking. It is his birthday. 

Atsumu realised he is a bigger asshole than how he was minutes ago in the car as he remembered that he had never come to your apartment. Months of relationship it was always his place as you always preferred his place over yours and he thinks that maybe if he was the one giving in more effort to be the one going all the way to your apartment to spend time with you, he would have felt  better about himself. Normal dates outside are very rare aside from lunch or a quick grab of coffee before classes because he was too busy with his practices and you with your duties as a political science student.

He carried you to what he assumed to be your bedroom, carefully putting your body on the bed, taking off the leather jacket you had with you, slowly dragging the thick comforter to cover your shivering body. After shuffling in the kitchen, looking to find some aspirin and a glass of water for you to gargle right after you woke up he put it on the desk at your bedside. 

He saw a picture of you and Midori on the table, during graduation day. Midori carried you on her back while you threw a peace sign with tongue out and Midori making a disgusted face. He laughs at it, putting it back to where it belongs, carefully. 

You had a lot of other pictures pasted on the wall, the one that faces you when you sit on your study table. The notes and thick books are messily arranged on the shelf, a succulent that says ‘Good Job!’ on the table standing cutely, possibly the one that kept you up during the late night study sessions. He never really checked up on you and your studies, how did you manage to be so strong on your own without a supportive boyfriend, he doesn't know. 

And then he saw the pictures you hung neatly. He took the pictures one by one and saw some notes you scribbled on the back of the photograph. 

First, a picture with your parents. You talked about them at some time because you’re their only daughter and you missed them as much as they missed you. One time when you were making out with Atsumu your parents called and you pushed him away to answer the phone call. So funny how you got so innocent and angel-like just right after doing some lewd stuff with Atsumu just with the voice of your parents on the phone. At the back of the picture, it wrote.

Secured the top-scorer title with a scholarship! Mommy and Daddy are proud of me and I will never stop!

The second picture is of you and Midori at a pride parade. This time you wore a white t-shirt with blue jeans and sneakers and you looked absolutely mesmerizing. 

Pride with Midori. I am so happy for her!!

Some other pictures of you at an animal shelter, old folks home, in the streets, caring for homeless people, women’s march and marathon for cancer awareness. You were basically everywhere and it is what makes him regret not finding out about this side of you. All he does is talk about his talent in volleyball and you always make him feel the best that he never gave a chance for you to talk about yourself. 

Atsumu can’t stop the stretch of his smile and it is making his jaw sore. He is so whipped for you. You have always been such a caring person to him, doing your best to take care of him when game losses make his sour mood make a nasty comeback. 

He would cry in a phone call because he messed up his set and you arrived in his room, dropping your bag to hug him and lull him back to sleep. He cries so hard and you would never make him cry worse than he did, you were always comforting but his pride and selfishness would forget that in a day because he thinks the relationship you had with him is a waste. 

Atsumu is a fool. He didn’t realise how much his confusion hurts you more than it hurts himself. He is such a fool for not being there to protect you. The thought of you crying minutes earlier makes him scream in his heart, he doesn't ever want to see it again. If he made that happen again he will never forgive himself and if he has to build a shrine and be a monk to make sure his sins are forgiven he would do it. He would do anything for you. 

The last picture hid him the hardest.

It was him, and you, during his debut game as MSBY Black Jackals setter. 

You had your body leaned into his arm, smiling wide with a bouquet of flowers for him in your hand. He was staring at the camera with a lazy smirk, hands encircling your waist. It was sweet, and you look very cute standing next to him, in his embrace like that. A sight so beautiful. It is a shame when he remembers what exactly happened that night.

It was a very joyful day for Atsumu and for you but Atsumu didn’t even tell you about the match, you were only informed of the game because of Komori so the ticket you got is because Osamu gave up his ticket for you. He is tired of seeing Atsumu play volleyball and he can see it on his phone if he wants so he just gave it to you, saying you deserve it better. Even when you’re not informed about the game, you still showed up in the cutest little dress with the cutest little smell and the cutest bouquet of baby breath flowers for him. 

Atsumu is not fond of flowers. He is not fond of surprises either. When you showed up on the court, congratulating him, he was shocked. He was busy talking to fangirls and kids who love volleyball until you call out his name with so much pride. 

“Atsumu aaaa I am so proud of you! You worked so hard for this and I am sorry I don’t know of this sooner.” You hugged him and pat his back when you hugged him. Eyes glistening as you pulled away. Said the cries are happy tears. You told one of the passers-by to take a picture of you and Atsumu, resulting in the small piece of photography in his hand.

Later that night he went with his team and celebrated the debut together with them while you took off to your apartment, barely making it to the last bus of the night to get there safely, wishing you were with Atsumu in his car instead.

He turned the picture over. There is a long note there.

Might be the first ever picture with Atsumu, like ever. Nonetheless I am so happy and so proud of him it made my jaw hurt so much as I write this. I can’t stop smiling!!! I hope I can attend more of his games, more to his success, more time with him. I feel like I am the happiest person alive! I feel like one of the fantasy film protagonists where the person they have loved for a long time is within their arms, finally! I am so happy to have known Atsumu since the beginning days of school, how his charming and cunning personality, inspiring and charismatic figure would walk down the hallways of Inarizaki, I will always fall for him over and over again. I love him so much, and even if it takes a thousand years to wait for him I will always wait. Praying that this essay reaches the Gods because I love him too much, I don’t even want to let him go. I love Miya Atsumu, and I hope he feels the same thing too.

Atsumu pasted the picture back on the wall, turning off the study lamp and closing the door as he walked out. He sat on the couch in the living room, only having the kitchen light to illuminate the entire apartment. As he sat there, tears rolled off his eyes and loud sobs spilled out of his mouth. 

He realised he is such a foolish man, living in a complete lie with an angel from heaven taking care of him despite getting paid dust in return. He cried so hard he took the pillow next to him and cried himself to sleep. 

Day 154

If it is not for the bubbling and disturbing feeling in your stomach, you wouldn’t have gotten up and run to the bathroom to puke your guts out, but here you are. Smelling so stinky you just take a shower along the way. Fresh out of the shower in clean new clothes you saw a tall glass of water with your birth control pills right beside it. After downing the glass of water you headed to the kitchen to grab an aspirin to calm down the throbbing pain of your chest.

What you found instead is the sight of Atsumu, wearing an apron on top of his white t-shirt. It has been way too long since you have last seen him, and you didn’t expect to encounter him in your apartment, let alone him in the kitchen, preparing a breakfast for two. “Atsumu! What are you doing here!” you screamed audibly to him and got to the table to see a tray of rice and a bowl of soup on the table. 

“Ah, ya woke up earlier than I thought ya would, was intending to make breakfast on bed like in that one cheesy film you love so much.” You blushed. You headed to the cupboard and popped the aspirin into your mouth with the assistance of the barley tea Atsumu prepared for you. 

As you sat down awkwardly, he pulled out the rice bowl and put the tray in the sink and scooped another bowl of rice and soup for himself. He prepared a hearty meal for two, a miso soup to help you sober down and ease the gut after rounds of alcohol shots dumped in your body. 

Right, you were drunk last night. “So why are you here?” you asked after spooning out the final drop of the miso soup. “You remember nothing at all?” Atsumu asked. “Wait...so...Midori didn’t lie?” you asked again. Just realising that Midori already told you that your boyfriend was there. 

“Oh my god...how much did I say?” you pressed your palms on your face and dropped them to your lap. Atsumu smiles. 

“You said a lot! You said too much that it made me learn a lot.” Atsumu reaches your hands the moment it gets on to the table. He clasped it with care and so much gentleness even when his hand is calloused and rough from the intense training for so many days in a week. 

Atsumu sighs and hangs his head low. “I just realised that all this time, our relationship is one-sided” you gasped and the grip on his hands gets tighter. “I...took you for granted. I never gave you a comfort space to live in, a shoulder to cry on, and I have never...expressed my feelings for you.” You were trembling and Atsumu fully connected your fingers with his, interlacing it together hoping that neither of you will let it go.

“All this time you were always there for me, no matter what I was struggling with, no matter the time and place you would rush and hug me and tell me that it will be okay but I let you cry on your own whenever you deal with the same problem. I made a big mistake, and I swear to my life that I will make it up to you.” You got up from your seat and went to the sink along with your empty bowls. Atsumu got there too, hugging you from behind. 

“I am so sorry for being late, I love you. I love you so much that it hurts when I see you get hurt because of me.” Atsumu hugged you like he would make you dissolve in his body, it was so tight and warm and comforting it felt like home.

Miya Atsumu is your home. You are his home. And so he kisses your hair, your neck, your shoulders to make sure you won’t disappear before him, to tell you that what he said is true. 

You turned around. Holding his head in your hands.

“Atsumu, I love you too, and I missed you so much.” You smiled as the tears dropped, and Atsumu thinks this sight of yours hurts him as much as it makes his heart feel warm. It was a mixed feeling, but he knows that the perfect moment is right there, he holds your waist and your neck and kisses you on the lips with so much need and passion, to tell you that he loves you.

Your hands went to wrap itself on his neck, occasionally stopping by to run your hair through the blonde locks you love so much. He kisses in deeper and languid motion; it makes your head drowsy, worse than what the alcohol did to you but the sensation is nice. The alcohol was bitter and you hated it, this kiss tastes sweet and flavourful and you love it.

Atsumu continues while he carries you towards the bedroom he left you in alone last night, slowly putting your body on the messy bed who still has the scent of you from last night. It is supposed to gross you out but Atsumu is making it harder for you to breathe so nothing really matters, and Atsumu loves the scent as much as you love his oozing warmth that makes your eyes roll to the back of your head.

He continues peppering kisses along your entire body, just like the night when you first spent together. Shirts off, pants off, underwear off. There’s nothing in the way of the both of you in the intense love-making session. Atsumu loves the way his name rolls on your tongue as he nibbles addictively on your neck, your chest and your tummy that is filled with the food he made for you, the love he had in store from his heart is delivered into you with so much ease. He plans to deliver some more as his kisses turn more passionate as the clock ticks, tongue intermingles and liquid drooling out of each other’s hot mouth.

Atsumu is already so eager to get inside you but he always has to prioritise you before him so he asked you. “Can I-can I get on with it now?” he asked, trying to recollect his breath at the same time while he looks for a particular wrapper in the drawer of your bedside table. “It’s fine, Atsumu, I’m on birth control.” You smiled at him and he smiled back, caressing your cheeks, touching your lips and tucking your hair behind your cute ears he loved to kiss so much. “You know, you mistook the birth control pills for aspirin that’s why I rummaged through the whole cupboard to look for one.” You gave him a glare so cute he continues kissing you. “My bad, baby. Can I get in now?” He asked with a teasing little smirk displayed on his stupidly handsome face.

“Yes, you can Atsumu.” You kissed him on the cheeks and hugged his neck as he entered. Inches by inches you sucked him in and he would kiss your temple to make you feel better after the stretch. The time away clearly made a lot of changes between the two of you, and it all makes this event more admirable than the ones before, because of the heartfelt confession you shared with him in the morning. All he wants to do is kiss your body like it is the only thing in this world worth worshipping. You are the most beautiful thing that ever happened in his life anyway, and he would never regret anything in his life anymore.

After the both of you peaked, he released into you, stayed there for a few minutes and took it out after he finally made your deep furrowed eyebrows disappear. You finally relax after the soothing time with your dearest one and he plopped himself next to you. 

Atsumu opened his arms and you found him inside it, getting smooches here and there as he hugged you. He would play with your hair, draw stars on the naked back of yours, and you would draw circles on his chest as you listen to the small heart beat in him. 

His heart was beating because of you.

“Hey, that noise in there is because of ya.” Atsumu kissed you on the forehead. 

“Oh really, yer not special, Miya, listen to mine!” you said with a glare after hitting him playfully on his chest.

“Uhuh...can I kiss it? Like this?” Atsumu continues his attack on your chest and you laughed loudly as he starts skimming his fingers on your waist and your tummy. He was smiling and laughing into the attack. 

Atsumu thinks that even if it is true that he is a fool, at least he is a fool that is so foolishly in love with you. 

[keagan-ashleigh]

Ok so I am just repeating what I said on the last post tags.

@friends-call-me-snow-miser tagging you vecause you actually answered me and I need to be clear.

I was initially addressing this post to anyone, really, so when I say "you" it's a general you and some parts were not addressed to you, just to be clear. I've added some more direct responses to you.

Don't censor trigger words, or names. Do not. Not on tumblr, not on twitter, not anywhere.

Why? Because people block the words, if you mess up with the word, the post is shown to them and that defeats the purpose of a trigger warning. That's true on EVERY platform that allows people to block tags and words.

Also, that's true, it messes up with screen readers.

But also, and that's a sad truth, on tumblr and on twitter all the same, don't know about other social medias, you can get harrassment for using some words. In the tags I was talking about shipnames and characters, because I personnally got harrassed for saying - without being rude, just making some critics - that a ship was problematic or that a character was not really a good person (Sherlock fandom, you know what I'm talking about). I've been harassed on twitter for pointing out J.ared P.adalecki was homophobic and racist.

And on twitter there is other issues, you know about n'f't's? yeah, the people who defend that shit WILL come after you if you say it's a bad thing. I've litteraly seen it, it's nightmarish. It's a serious issue.

This is a protection we have, and that is necessary. Not to avoid "discourse" but to avoid getting hurt. Really. It's shipping here mostly but also other things and if the subject seems trivial the harm is not. Bullying is not trivial.

As bad as it is that it messes up with screen readers, that's not people's fault that we're not having a better way to protect ourself from cyberbullying. I do not excuse ableism, but I do not excuse bullying either.

Censor the word when you KNOW you're at risk for using it. And NO. Not talking about the thing and not tagging it won't help.

First of all, on tumblr and twitter, it doesn't matter you're not using the # in front of the world, it WILL show up when people search for it.

And they do. Say someone is scrolling through their favorite ship name or their fave actor and among the posts there is one that says something along the lines of "i don't like this one, here's why", let's say this someone is passionated about her ship and is a bully, they will come after this post sending death threats and harassing the person for having a different opinion. That's not a fictional scenario, it has happened. And it doesn't matter that the word wasn't tagged. It doesn't matter what were the blogger's arguments. This is a real thing that happens, it's not ok, and nothing, from the platforms part, can at this time protect us from it. That's why we have those strategies that are not perfect but are necessary.

And silencing ourselves when the subjects we bring up are important (like for instance pointing out when a piece of medias harms a community by misportraying a character, or to point out sexism in media, racism, homophobia, or to talk about the danger n'f't represents as an ecological disaster and all, ETC) is not a satisfying solution.

People should be able to express harmless opinions without being bullied for it.

We can't stop using words just to avoid getting harassed. People need to stop harrassing and platforms need to get better at helping us avoiding it. But for now, the only efficient thing we have is adding some zeros or a ponctuation sign in words so we stay safe.

As for the way some apps censor words like money apps and stuff, some people rely on it to survive and they find ways to trick the algorithm, and it doesn't have to rely on censoring the words, but people often do this not because they are careless but because as I said - they rely on those apps to survive and not necessarily can think of a better way to trick the algorithm.

But no, don't censor the trigger warnings, obviously.

Now to finish this post, I'll have no intention in pursuing this conversation if you're not ready to hear what I say. If you will just oppose vehemently without nuance, I'm not here for it.

[miraculouscontent]

Anonymous asked:

While we're on the subject of what Tumblr users to block, I know these aren't Miraculous Ladybug-related Tumblrs, but you really ought to block weaponizedfemininityisshit and lipstickchainsaw. The former because...well, the name says it all, but she's basically a woman who's proudly not like other girls and disses femininity, thinking it's all about being weak and sexualized for the male gaze and to accomodate men, and believes that every single feminine woman is weak and brainwashed and stupid, and that we shouldn't try to reclaim femininity because it's a patriarchal construct designed to oppress women somehow.

She basically just disses women who say that it's okay to be feminine and strong, or who complain about not being taken seriously for their girly traits, or who wear makeup for themselves and not the male gaze, or who get over their previous "not like other girls" phase, because she thinks that's a phrase that only exists to slander gender non-conforming women and acts like they think they're better than feminine women, and that girly girls are solipsistic for thinking that they're oppressed for being girly. She also insults women who's Tumblr handles are cute and pink, or who dress in pink and dresses and wear makeup and glitter, and even posts gifs of girls vomiting in response to tweets about girls who have overcome their "not like other girls" phases, as stated above. She has tags such as "fuck femininity" "fuck pink" "girly girlz are soooo oppressed" "femmy-ninny-tee" and other such drivel.

To add to her immaturity, her profile picture is a Barbie doll crossed out, which is supposed to show how "strong" and anti-girly she is, even though her handle is purple with polka-dots. She won't listen to anyone who says that hatred of femininity stems from hatred of women, because she thinks it's the same as saying that to be feminine is the only way to be a woman. And speaking of the Barbie doll, she responds that Barbie is an anorexic Aryan girl to a woman who simply stated that Barbie is feminist for teaching girls they can be whatever they want to be while still being feminine and pretty.

She thinks she's doing something but she sadly doesn't realize her own internalized misogyny, and for that I pity her, although I still can't stay on her site for long because her anti-bubblegum-pop mindset makes my brain rot. And she thinks that she's so unique for going outside in sweats and tees without makeup. Even outside of misogyny, she has other problems, too, such as being aphobic and saying that aphobia isn't a thing because "nobody is forcing you to sleep with anyone"(oh yeah, tell that to rape culture!), and that all asexuals are racist, homophobic, and sexist, somehow.

And despite supposedly defending butch women, she says there's nothing wrong with sexualizing a butch character because she's "fictional anyway". So, yeah, that's it.

As for lipstickchainsaw, I can't even begin to fathom her existence. She suffers from the same internalized misogyny as weaponizedfemininityisshit, but worse, because rather than being a "not like other girls" faux feminist who thinks pink is holding the sisterhood back, she's an anti-feminist who basically parrots redpill, incel, and MRA drivel. According to her, she used to be a feminist, but stopped because feminism believes that women are babies who need their hand held to walk across the street, that they make up the concept of internalized misogyny to guilt trip women into thinking they practice self-hatred for not identifying as feminists(which they do), literally comparing it to how cults operate, and that feminism bullies men who critique it and doesn't care about their problems, apparently believes in "misandry" and thinks men's liberation groups are apparently okay and necessary, and that third-world poc dominated countries such as China and India have "real problems" and that modern western feminists complaining about objectification and the male gaze are hindering sexuality.

Oh, and she responded to a gif set(by a black guy<3) critiquing the nice guy/friendzone culture and how girls don't owe guys anything for being nice, with how BAD it makes nerdy young men(who are prime misogynist material) feel about being nice to women, because most of them don't know how to talk to women(because they don't see women as human beings or anything other than romantic options, so they never bothered to understand how they work), and end up depressed because of advice like this(You mean those guys who say they'll kill themselves if their target doesn't go out with them? Boo-hoo, go cry me a fucking river.), and how nerdy men are MORE feminist than non-nerdy women, take it from an anti-feminist(that must be why they challenge us with random pop trivia on the Mario creators' origins OH FUCK WAIT--).

Basically coddling men's poor little feels in an effort to...what, get into the boys' club? I dunno, I guess. Basically, she's a nasty little piece of work, just like weaponizedfemininityisshit, so block both whenever you can. It makes me sad to see women like them parroting the patriarchal propaganda that men nod their heads in approval to so as to be praised for being "not like other girls" and "defending men from the man-hating, frothing at the mouth feminazi spinsters", and because they're women they have more clout to spread their beliefs and other women will see this as think "well, she's a woman, so it can't be sexist right?", since all they are brainwashed, at the end of the day.

Fortunately, I'm not naive, but other women might see this and be impressionable enough to believe it. I actually remember when I used to believe misandry was a thing(though not as bad as misogyny, because I was still smart), but even then I never thought that the west didn't have "real" problems, or that feminists made up patriarchy so that they'd have something to fight against, or that feminism is the one victimizing women and not men and that we should feel BAD for guys who don't have access to women's bodies on command. So to see this shit is aggravating, but also tragedy-inducing.

It's like a quote I saw on the smart side of Tumblr, stating that internalized misogyny in women is women's mouths moving, but men's voices speaking. Kind of like these women. I do sincerely pray that these women will wake up and come to see the light once more but a part of me sincerely believes they never will. Anti-feminist women like these are often too stuck in their own beliefs and stubborn to "give in" to feminism. Though some anti-feminist women have realized they were wrong, so there's still hope for them. Mostly.

I also forget to say that, about the Barbie point, Mattel HAS made an effort to showcase more body and racial diversity in their Barbie doll designs, so that's why I was so mad about her saying that Barbie is "Aryan/anorexic", especially since, for the former, we shouldn't be throwing Nazi terminology around to talk about a fucking girls' toy, and the latter shames women who really do go through eating disorders. But she already hates asexuals, so I guess she'll go all out to prove her bigotry.

Oh God...

I mean, first of all, I appreciate you going into such extreme detail about it! I know that it would’ve been easier to just go, “this person is bad, block them.”

(Though, for future reference to my followers, I do always recommend checking out the users you’re being told to block, not entirely to make sure, but at the very least to see the madness first.

Definitely don’t regret mine considering that I got to read the line: “LOL of course you’re ace. It’s nearly synonymous with “misogynist” and “homophobia.”“ like wooooooow.)

[apollos-celticswan]

Just a Thought Here

So I’ve had a thought. I’ve been back on Tumblr for a little over two weeks, and for the most part I’ve been excited because a lot of the reasons I left seemed to have stopped being an issue, until the last few days.

I originally stopped posting on here, and specifically in the PJO community a few years back because things became extremely toxic. 

I am a Trans/Genderfluid person of mixed race. I had happily made a place in the community that was so welcoming and kind until a mixture of Voltron and bad Social Justice warrior posting crashed through. People became opinionated to the point of sending destructive and cruel things not just to me, but to other people I knew who were drawing things that didn’t align with the person’s personal views of a character. This came to things like Race bending characters and sexuality/gender identity bending characters.

Here is my own personal situation with these things. 

As far as race bending goes, and this is particularly bad in the Harry Potter fandom. I don’t believe it is right to race bend a character in a series where the author (an actual racist terf) never represented the struggles of these minorities. I’ve seen so many “Hermione is Black and Harry is Indian” posts trying to prove how Rowling was secretly being inclusive, and what I have to say to that is no. She wasn’t. She wasn’t being inclusive at all. The struggles of these people, there cultures, their worlds, were not represented. I do not feel comfortable with anyone trying to give her that credit when it is deeply undeserved.

My other viewpoint is that race bending is a sensitive situation. You can’t just paint Annabeth brown and say you are inclusive. That isn’t sensitivity. That isn’t acknowledging or creating a narrative where the people of that ethnicity (whatever one was painted on) are represented. I think especially in Rick’s case, he does a pretty decent job of making sure the POC and LGBTQA+ characters have their cultures and struggles acknowledged and set as a part of their growth as a person. (Not always. Like anyone writing from the outside, it’s not always perfect, but I think he tries really hard and I appreciate that.)

Instead of arguing why or why not someone who was never cannonly specified as a minority might be one, I think we should spend more time making our own original characters that portray these people and struggles.

My other question for these people who left rude comments in my inbox about not race-bending characters is, “Are you an advocate for these people off your computer?” if the answer is no, and especially if you are Caucasian and sixteen and angry, just stop. You aren’t standing up for anyone or being inclusive. Screaming through a pc screen that your “baby boy character” isn’t how you envisioned him to an artist, isn’t going to bridge the education gap, quality of life divide, or end unfair border policing. Please stop. 

Now on the topic of queer characters. I have been call transphobic as a transman in the PJO fandom more times than I can count because I don’t draw Will, Nico, Percy, or Annabeth as Transgender. I do not believe they are transgender. I believe that if they were Rick would have made that clear as he has been very good about doing in his works. If that ever changed at any point for characters that are lacking in back story, awesome!! That’s super cool! Now, that being said, if you envision that character as such, also awesome! But that doesn’t mean you get to call someone transphobic because their view of a character is different than how you see them. This goes for race and queer rep. 

Your opinions do not entitle you to be cruel.

Now lets get to today. 

With the news that the Disney spin-off for PJO is up and coming, I’ve been again seeing this gatekeeping bullshit. “Every character MUST be POC or I won’t watch it” or “If they don’t make -character- queer the way I like Rick is OBVIOUSLY homophobic” 

I’ve seen people arguing in tags, not discussing, but mudslinging and social justice warrioring, and let me just say guys. You all look ridiculous. It’s embarrassing for this fandom. It’s embarrassing as people. It’s embarrassing as a queer person seeing other queer people shred down others for a differing opinion. 

It is okay to be white in a show. 

It’s okay to be straight.

It’s okay.

It’s not okay to whitewash a character of color, or wipe their struggles. 

It’s not okay to straighten a queer character or dissolve them to a pathetic sterotype sidekick.  Hate is hate. If you believe women are better then men, queers are better than straights, or POCs are better than non-POC people, you are part of the problem.

A rasict is someone who hates on someone or oppresses someone for their skin color or ethnic background.

Intolerance is when someone lashes out at someone who is different from them.

When you hate on or trash talk someone who is different from you and your words are “well they’ve said it about people like me” what makes you different?

What makes you different? All of you?

Are you better because you are a straightaphobe? Because you are cruel to a person of christian faith? Because they are white appearing? 

Stop villainizing people because they are different from you. Stop. You aren’t a feminist or an activist. You are hating. And hate is not a place I want to stay in. If that is what this community embraces, that is horrific.

Instead of criticizing, lets all be happy together. Lets embrace Rick’s vision. The actors’ vision, and the adventure of seeing these books become a live action we can enjoy and love. They don’t all have to be POC. Or queer. Or women.  I want to live in love. I want to see that love that Rick built come to us in a diverse and beautiful way.

I hope I’m not the only one. 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

People complaining about 'queer baiting' when they ought to be more concerned about the amount of fetishisation that occurs when people ship two men lol

Hey Nonny,

I’m gonna assume you’re not trying to be a dick, and are coming from a good place, though you taking the time out to put this ask in a weird serif font is leaving me wondering if you’re trying to stand on a soapbox, but I’m going to ignore that for now, and I ask anyone replying to this post to please also grant that same respect. I only wish to educate, learn, and interact, after all. 

I get what you’re trying to say re: queerbaiting, I really do. And fetishization is a problem, I agree. 

Let’s tackle the queerbaiting first.

Let it be known to you that a large majority of the people calling “queerbaiting” are queer people and academics. I know the false stigma that “fandom is full of stupid little girls” still exists and is something that, quite frankly, this ask is implying and therefore helping to perpetuate. It’s not. Honestly, with this take you have here, you’re disregarding and invalidating the feelings of millions of other queer people who genuinely feel when something is queerbaiting because it’s something they have experienced over and over and OVER again and media just “LOL OOPS SORRY WON’T DO IT AGAIN”. 

Disney is a perfect example of this. How many “first LGBT characters” has Disney had now? At least one a year for the past decade.

Listen, the people who initially called it out years ago for Sherlock were older folks who have lived decades of media constantly teasing gay relationships and then not following through with it at the end... literally “baiting” queer people to watch their shows because more people = more money.

Anyway, Gattiss confirmed he used homoerotic subtext to bait people, so I don’t know what else to say on this matter. That link also has some additional articles and sources that came out regarding the queerbaiting aspect of Sherlock, and they’re all good reads, so I do recommend checking them out.

Some other interesting reads, if only so you can gain some empathy for the others who DO see it as queerbaiting:

Gender and Queer Fan Labour on Tumblr: The Case of BBC’s Sherlock (Webarchive link, so give it a few to load)

The Elephant in the Room: Authorship, Queerbaiting and Sherlock

Queerbaiting in Sherlock 

PODCAST: Queerbaiting in Sherlock

From Queer Reading to Queerbaiting - DiVA Portal

And as I’ve mentioned in past posts, I personally believe Sherlock IS queerrbaiting WITHOUT a confirmation in S5. They had the chance to stop it in S3, and instead they ramped it up. And yes, if you only watch Sherlock and omit S3 and TAB completely, I can see the queerbaiting argument null and void. But instead they made the episode that John was supposed to be getting married the gayest episode in the whole series, next to TAB. So I dunno, my friend.

Now, I shall discuss the very thin line of fetishization vs shipping.

I am not a professional AND I am a fairly recently-realized member of the LGBT community, so I don’t feel it’s my place to tell you what’s what. 

There’s a really interesting Tumblr post by LGBT+ Weekly about this very thing that I think offers a “both sides” approach: Shipping and queer fetishization. And this interesting and on-point post here: About Fandom, Slash, and Fetishizing Gay Men.

From here, I can only offer my opinion, not fact, and I am open to being educated. 

Yes, absolutely some people fetishize LGBT relationships. I’m NOT going to say there aren’t. But a majority of people ship ANY ship because it helps them understand themselves. It’s just that simple, and to tell someone that them shipping characters is bad / no good / fetishization can be harmful to them and make them fear “being gay”. Shipping characters is a way of disconnecting themselves from, well, themselves, and it’s a “safe place” to “come out” or discover themselves.

To me, you’re breaking down fetishization as “I like reading about two people fucking” and nothing beyond that, and not taking into account that many people like a pairing because of chemistry, or because someone sees themselves in a character and are exploring their own sexuality through it. If that’s the case, then I guess all M/F ships are are fetishizations? Why is it only M/M that people decry “fetishization”, when F/F is apparently not (clarification: it totally can also be)? So, is me liking Johnlock any different than my Zutara ship? Why? 

Plus, the reason so many people ship M/M ships is because there’s just SO MANY MALE CHARACTERS ON ANY GIVEN SHOW. 

I get what you’re trying to say, Nonny, I really do. And I know the definition of fetish. But AGAIN, these are characters, not real people, and you’re disregarding other aspects of shipping. Not everyone reads smut to get off. And even if they did, why is that so bad for some people? Personally, I read it because I enjoy reading stories about my favourite characters enjoying being together. I enjoy the dynamic, the possibilities, the chemistry and the love. That it’s never too late to find your person. That two broken souls can help heal each other.

Anyway, TL;DR of all this is: 

YOUR experience is NOT someone else’s experience. 

You didn’t see Sherlock as queerbaiting? Fine, but please understand there’s a reason so many other people DO and it’s not just fandom saying it. The general audience also has said it’s queerbaiting.

You see shipping as fetishization? Okay, and that’s fine. Your definition of fetishization means fictional people having sex, I guess. Maybe I’m just genuinely naïve, but... isn’t that kind of... TERF-y or homophobic? I mean... many people use same-sex shipping and assorted headcanons to help them understand themselves and their sexuality. And why is M/F shipping NOT fetishization, given the broad definition you’re implying by your ask? And I don’t want to get too deep into asexuality, but read up on aegosexuality. Are you then saying aces are fetishists too? Seems like aces can’t enjoy anything, I guess.

They’re fictional characters. Not real people.

Look, I’m stupid and naïve, I get that. And if I have the wrong take here, I’m genuinely interested in hearing your respectful thoughts, along with other people’s. Just, please respect and understand that everyone is not YOU. It’s rather selfish to think that your experiences are everyone else’s, if I’m being honest.

I’m not asking for you to “see my side of things”, just to have a bit of empathy, is all. It can go a long way in a world where just being who you are can get you killed. Fandom and shipping is an escape for a lot of people, because reality is a cruel son of a bitch.

All this said, Nonny, I just want you to be safe and healthy. If discussions of shipping and queerbaiting bother you, please black list the tags, get out of fandom, and please take care of yourself.

[wenellyb]

I saw what you said about the Mackie situation not being black and white and I completely agree. There were parts of his statement that made me as a queer person uncomfortable however I don’t think he’s homophobic nor do I think that this is even as big a deal as anyone is making it out to be.

It frustrates me that people can’t understand that I can say “I think there were parts of his statement that were slightly hurtful/tone deaf” and also say “I don’t think Anthony Mackie is a bad person” at the same time.

Honestly I feel like if we all collectively decided to stop talking about it, it would be infinitely better than whatever the fuck is going on the Sambucky tag.

Yes, you are right,

I'm staying away from this whole mess as much as I can because there seems to be only 2 sides and everyone is mixing everything up, thinking that this is a shipping issue only and that it's a problem for Sambucky shippers... And I hope people realize that this is not the discussion here, even though some people want to make it about the shipping.

Just to clear things up, about the shipping part, first of all, the Variety interviewer mixed up some parts, and put whatever they wanted in the written interview, but even if Anthony had said that didn't see Sambucky as romantic or anything, it would be his right... He's an actor, he has his script, he's not responsible for what was written in the script...I hate people making it about shipping and saying that actors should always give vague answers when talking about ships so people can keep their hopes up and use their imagination.

But I also know from experience in other fandoms that if Anthony had given a vague reply about Sambucky some people would have complained that it was queerbaiting. There is no winning with the fandom so let's stop trying to frame this as a Sambucky ship issue I'm tired of people trying to frame this whole story as a shipping issue:

- Oh Anthony doesn't support Sambucky, our ship is dead

- And I'm also tired of people pretending that the accusations/comments are just from jaded Sambucky shippers who are mad because Anthony didn't say what they wanted to hear about the ship.

I will not be talking about the shipping part and I feel like the people who are focusing on the Sambucky part are completely missing the point.

Can we just talked about what happened? Yes, he was clumsy in some of the wording, but I saw nothing in that interview indicating that Anthony was homophobic.

But it doesn't mean that some of his sentences weren't rooted in homophobia...( I don't know how to phrase this so I hooe you understand).

And I don't understand why it is so hard for people to acknowledge it without villainizing him-

Whether we like it or not, we live in homophobic societies, and Anthony himself has acknowledging that he was brought up in communities where homophobia was present and he did a lot of growing and learning.

And sometimes he can use the wrong word, or sentence... It's not just Anthony, it's literally anybody on the whole planet..

A lot of people have internalized homophobia, and Anthony is one of the rare Hollywood male actors who has acknoweldeged it, and worked on it and he showed his support the LGBT community on many occasions.

And yes, clumsiness, mistakes and wrong words happen, but the correct behavior isn't behaving like nothing happened.

But NO... People want to make 2 teams, and 2 teams only...

1. Anthony is homophobic

2. Anthony did nothing wrong

Yeah well, none of that is true and acknowledging it POLITELY and without insluting and throwing slurs is possible. I mean it should be possible... but some people don't seem to understand that.

People know full well that what Anthony saying about fandoms wasn't homophobic, the discussion of the toxicity in some fandom circles is an ongoing one is spot on.

But on the other side, people know full well that even though what he said wasn't homophobic, and we could understand the general idea, he didn't word things perfectly and was mixing stuff and I don't like it when they pretend they don't understand why some people were hurt by what Anthony said...

Also, when you say something similar to "guys can't be close anymore or hang out at a bar together without being seen as gay" you make it sound like being seen as gay is a problem... And it seems inoffensive but in reality, the implications can be hurtful...

I have absolutely no interest in taking part in a debate where people are just stating stuff and not interested in having a discussion.

And honeslty I am 100% in the Anthony Mackie defence team because people on the internet do not know how to raise an issue without being rude or insulting, which is why I will support him when needed, but I'm also not here to pretend that I don't understand why some people are genuinely upset and that the people who are genuinely upset are not just shippers upset about the ship.

(And of course there are shippers upset about the ship but I cannot do anything for them)

I need other people to stop missing the point on purpose or unintenionally and pretend the discussion about homophobia is unfounded. But it's complicated because some people have been waiting for the moment a Balck actor missteps so that they can be racist in peace.

Tumblr is the worst place to engage in any discussion because 90% of the users are already on their high horses and have chosen the position they will have until the end of the debate.

I hate doing that... I enter the debate, learn new information, adapt and change my mind if I need to.. .Like at the beginning, I read the interview but I didn't know that there was also a podcast, and that some of Anthony's answers during the podcast had been misplaced, so I took that information account as well.

Why do we always have to have firm positions...

The only thing that I'm very cautious about is that Anthony is a Black man and the fandom and the Internet in general have a tendency to be harsher with Black men than with their White counterparts...

People who have never supported Anthony is the first place come and insult him and everything, but don't even try to go deeper and actually read the article or try to learn more?

And that also explain why some of the people defending Anthony are more defensive (me included) because when the racists come into the equation it becomea just awful... And that's why Anthony needs a strong support system in the fandom.

If there hadn't been people pushing back and supporting Anthony, you can be sure that what you would have seen in the Sambucky tag would have been 10 times worse and Anthony would have been the target of all that.

The other 3 posts I have made on the topic, more of less saying the same thing that this wasn't the best time to discuss this... when evryone was talking in the heat of the moment.

HERE HERE and HERE

I'm so sorry I was tired while writing this, so if some parts don't make sense let me know and I will explain it better, I just wanted to reply to you today.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Sorry to ask, but if you could answer ASAP I’d really appreciate it. I was raised Christian but my family doesn’t heavily practice it, and I consider myself sort of agnostic? I honestly don’t know where I fall, but I lean between that and believing in God sometimes. This is sort of a two part question and kind of messy, sorry. I feel like my belief in God is mostly out of fear rather than faith, like if I stop believing in Them I’m damned or something, especially as a queer person. (1/2)

cw sex mention

(2/2) My other concern is my high sex drive. I know it sounds silly to be mostly agnostic but worried about God judging me for having urges, but it feels like a profound fear just pounded into me, despite not having been raised by homophobic parents/church/etc at all. Sorry for the TMI, but I’ve never even had sex, just masturbate often and write/draw erotica because it helps me cope with my real life sex repulsion. IDK, can I get some assurance on this that God has no issue with it? Thank you.

____________

So. Okay. This probably isn't what you need at all but. when i first joined tumblr, ach. however many years ago......i remember seeing this one post and feeling all offended / scared about it -- but now? it kind of checks out:

Here's the post. It shows the solar system growing into the wider galaxy and universe aka how HUGE the cosmos is -- and it ends with a big blown-up image of White Jesus™ standing over that HUGE cosmos and all he's saying is "don't masturbate"

and i think back then i was offended because i was like "hey...Jesus does care deeply about the small things as well as the huge things."

But nowadays i'm like "yeah that post checks out" because when it comes to things that are ultimately harmless, like masturbation?? which when done right hurts no one?? and indeed can be helpful for an individual exploring their own sexuality and boundaries and the like (or, as you say for yourself, helps with coping with sex repulsion / exploring sexuality in a way that feels good instead of bad)??

why on earth would God be so obsessed with that over all the genuinely harmful things happening in Their universe?

It's very telling that the kinds of Christians who focus on things that don't bear bad fruit (and indeed, often bear good fruit) like sexuality are also the kinds of Christians who enable the status quo that oppresses so many people!! Like come on y'all, let's deal with white supremacy and ableism maybe? instead of harassing people for scrambling for what agency they can grasp in these oppressive systems and for enjoying their own physicality -- physicality that was gifted to them by God and called good??

_________

Whew uh. Sorry i started with the sex thing first. this is why i take forever to respond to most asks lmao -- they end up Like This. i'm so sorry.

i just want you to know that the fear you're experiencing about your high sex drive is super normal -- which sucks, but yeah. you are not alone. even without having had purity culture drilled into you in any specific way, it pervades our whole society -- you, and i, and everyone have been steeping in it whether we've realized it or not, and that's really hard to shake off. And if you wander through that purity culture tag i just linked, you'll find posts talking about how God does not will the horrible fear and shame this world forces on us when it comes to healthy expressions of sexuality.

anyway, to respond to the first half of your ask:

_________

People make jokes about agnosticism but honestly? i'm a big fan of it. Being open to possibilities even while not resonating with and/or being actively involved in the possibilities you're currently aware of makes sense to me.

I'm also a big advocate of going where you are most nourished. If Christianity isn't that for you, then that probably means it's time to venture outward. Doesn't mean you'll never come back, but if you find your spiritual nourishment and life fulfillment in a different religion, philosophy, or in a non-religious way of life, that's cool!

(I have a leaving Christianity tag with my responses to others who, like you, are considering leaving / have already left Christianity)

God does not will any of us to live choked by fear. If fear is the only reason you're still here -- move beyond that fear into flourishing. And know it's okay if that takes time.

Even as you journey elsewhere, it's probable you'll still have some lingering worries. I have a #fear of hell tag that might help you as you work through that fear.

Let me know if I forgot to address part of your ask, or if you have more questions! And best of luck to you on this journey towards what truly fuels you to thrive and bring thriving to others.

[professionalfangirl24601]

i hate the anti aftg tag especially because it shows up when I search up aftg on tumblr. idk why the anti aftg tag shows up under aftg but people are so mean there.

like we all know the books are problematic but it’s definitely not to the extent of trauma porn or being that bad that no one should read it

Yeah, you're 100% right.

I wish they'd think of a new tag because seeing these awful things being said about something you love is really hurtful. It's not even constructive criticism, they really are just agressively mean. Especially when they're talking about Nora, but I saw a couple of posts saying "aftg fans disgust me."

I talk about the takes I've seen there and my thoughts about them below the cut, so beware.

I don't think aftg is "objectively bad" because I don't care about the writing style, unrealistic plot, etc. For me, it's about if it makes me feel strong emotions even after a year of reading it, and if it has a good message. (Can a book even be "objectively bad"? It's an art piece and everyone has a different judging criteria. There's no right or wrong answer) But I can admit that some of the characters are based on negative stereotypes and people say it's Nora being racist/homophobic. I can actually understand that, or at least see where they're coming from. But people who say it fetishizes gay people really need ro look up the definition of the word. It's been thrown around so freely that it has a completely different meaning now. I won't go in too much details because everything I'd say would be the copy of this great post, which you should definitely read if you want more on the subject. People say it's trauma porn (and I've seen some say torture porn too) but when I read about the characters suffering, it was extremely painful. There's nothing in the books that suggests that the reader should be enjoying seeing the characters feeling pain. If someone did, that's their fault. I'm sure the people who actively enjoy it exist but does that mean no one should ever write about it? If the people who want to tell the stories of the abused and intend it to cause feeling sympathy in readers stop writing about it, then the ones who do it for their own pleasure will be left to do it. Another common thing that I saw "aftg critics" say is that they expected the books to be very light, and when they read it, it triggered them. Deciding to read a book blindly has it's consequences and risks. That's why summaries and trigger warnings exist. Here's the first paragraph of the foxhole court summary:

Neil Josten is the newest addition to the Palmetto State University Exy team. He's short, he's fast, he's got a ton of potential—and he's the runaway son of the murderous crime lord known as The Butcher. After reading it, I think no one should expect the book to be all sunshine and rainbows. I don't have the physical copy of the books but I've heard that it doesn't have trigger warnings at the beginning. I know some people prefer it that way, but if you know there's a possibility of you getting triggered why wouldn't you look it up? And if you get triggered why wouldn't you just stop reading it? I think the people who recommend it partially have the responsibility of warning them about the heavy subject. I've seen a lot of people asking the name of the series and every time, without a fail the reply warned them and often even linked the list of the trigger warnings. It's just my experience, though, but it stood out to me because it always left me pleasantly surprised. People also say that it's advertised as a YA book, and they're right. It's not and more people should say it. I personally read it at 16 and honestly I was fine, but it's really not YA. Of course the fandom focuses on the fluffy part of it! If all of us were constantly talking about the torture and rape, then I'd believe the trauma porn thing. Another thing is that, according to them, Nora is aphobic just because she wrote aphobic characters 🙄 (btw here's an amazing post about that subject) But yeah, lot of their reasoning is like that. Something bad happened in the book so Nora must be a supporter of that thing. I even saw someone say "yeah, the character didn't know about it but Nora did! How could she write that?" I don't think explaining why that's a... flawed logic is necessary. Many of them say that Andreil is toxic (one of them hilariously said that on their first meeting Andrew drugged Neil, beat him, tried to murder him... 😂) and "the romance is shit", just because they're unconventional and written by an aromantic author? Ok sure. Is aftg perfect? No. But it doesn't deserve this much of hate either. Instead of saying people shoupdn't read it, it would be more reasonable to warn them about the triggers and the heavy topics it deals with, and let them judge it for themselves.

[charcubed]

Don’t be shy, share the take 👀

Okay, so last night I bitched in a mini tag rant saying how everyone on my dash was reblogging the same post with the same bad take and it was driving me bonkers, and then this anon sent me this message, and since I have now seen the post on my dash yet again, I will answer this ask lol.

Also this is an SPN-related topic so anyone not in SPN fandom can keep it moving lol

Before I say anything else though: I’m not out here trying to be a Fun Killer or whatever. Please note how I habitually stay in my lane and simply do not interact with posts that I do not like on this site. Do me the same courtesy and keep scrolling if you don’t like what I am about to say! I am also not trying to shade any mutuals who may have reblogged content I dislike. So... I’m gonna keep this very general, because it’s a wider topic anyway. And I know I’m not the only person who feels this way, based on private conversations (with long-time fans, too).

2 main points of contention:

-If people want to talk badly about Jared they can simply do so without involving Misha or Jensen’s name in it with what is typically bad meme-y format posts, coupled with unwittingly bad takes about Misha and Jensen in the process. I am being vague here on purpose, sorry, but whatever.

-And, mostly: this website is developing a problem with wanting to either call Jensen in particular homophobic or queer without using those exact words, and the result in either instance is people coming up with increasingly convoluted ways to be weird about him or towards him. It’s like either they can’t get a read on him so they want to disparage him, or they think they’ve clocked him but don’t want to mention it, and what ends up being posted in word salad hot takes under the guise of enlightenment is either... literal disgusting slurs (fruity, fag, dyke, etc) whether about Dean or Jensen or both, or the idea that Dean is bi but it was an accident and Jensen couldn’t possibly have been aware of that because it happened beyond his will, or that Dean and/or Jensen is simply repressed, or that Jensen wants to fuck Dean, or ????????

And it’s very like... literally what the FUCK are you even saying and why are you saying it, lol. I get that there’s a certain Style Of Typing that’s becoming popular in this fandom on this site right now, and it’s often in the name of this sort of exaggerated joke posting. But half the time people are just slinging around words and everyone thinks it’s funny and (seemingly) not enough people stop to think twice about how it is, more often than not now, getting fucking weird.

Is it a big concerning deal (beyond the slurs thing, which is absolutely inexcusable)? Nah, not yet. But the numbers are getting huge on some of these posts, and that makes me grind my teeth more, because it means this overall attitude/joke posting format is spreading throughout the fandom hivemind with very little resistance. And it’s upping the frequency of that sort of language and shitposting. So while things that stay on Tumblr don’t have huge impact, right now a lot of things are also transferring over to Twitter as fandom and stan culture has shifted. And that’s when we get into Dangerous Territory On The Wider Stage that can trend or route back to actors, especially because of how Twitter algorithms have changed recently. (I can elaborate on that if need be.)

Really the bottom line though is that I am seeing multiple variations / posts along the line of the same thought process, where the actors of this show (especially Jensen and Misha) seem to be casually dehumanized in language I find startling and off-putting, and people are getting this mental disconnect where they’re forgetting that it’s not okay to say certain things about real people even in the name of jokes. It’s even pushing it when it’s characters, but when it’s about the actors it’s the crossing of a double line. So it’s becoming normalized, and then people don’t stop and think twice, and the posts just circulate because they’re “funny,” and then I see the same thing on my dash 8 times and feel like I’m going insane. 

It bothers me and makes scrolling on my dash a minefield of discomfort, but yes, it’s not like that’s going to be seen by the real people in question as of now because Tumblr is Tumblr... but if this mindset becomes pervasive and normalized enough, what happens is people then become even further desensitized especially the kids who are new to fandom, and then in 8 months we’re gonna have some teenager at a con talking about Jensen’s “lesbian photoshoots” to his fucking face and also asking him how he feels about being overtaken by the spirit of a “repressed bisexual character.” The prospect of which makes me feel like I’m going to grow grey hairs.

So. Yeah. There you have it lmao. I am once again asking everyone to stop being weird about real people and queer topics (whether IRL or fictional), be mindful of language, and notice what they’re actually saying or implying in the name of jokes. But, feel free to think ~I take things too seriously~ or am exhibiting ~fake concern~ and just keep scrolling and ignore me though! I am simply answering the question.

[kirbyspits]

A lot of Makorra shippers only moved on because they’re afraid of being called homophobic for not shipping korrasami. I LITERALLY saw someone on Instagram yesterday call a makorra shipper homophobic just for saying korrasami came out of nowhere. Also, Korrasami shippers LOVE to bring up the "popping bottles" backlash to make fun of makorra shippers. I left the tlok fandom in 2014 bc it was so toxic as a teenager, but now i’m 23. I’m no longer afraid of shipping something i always loved.

Ah, yes, I realized I didn’t address the fandom's toxicity in the last ask, but I’ve spoken about it before. I don't talk too much about the past because I was at the edge of the fandom back in 2014/2015. I was aware of fights, but the discussions I saw were moreso on bi-erasure. I saw one post saying it was wrong to ship Makorra. I remember being really confused about why Makorra was actually problematic, but I didn’t appreciate being told who I can ship the only dark-skinned woman protagonist on a major television network with. Why are you forcing me to ignore Mako and Korra’s relationship? Book 1 is practically about Mako and Korra, all other characters be damned. Me preferring the story of one pairing and a popular romance trope, second chances, is not wrong, and no one would know how I view the LGBT+ community based on who I ship in one show.

I ended up leaving the community because I was disappointed with season 4 in general. When Korra was released on Netflix, I figured it was time to rewatch the series again (plus, I’ve been binging all my favorite romance anime). So imagine my shock when I created a new Tumblr and Twitter account to rant and rave about TLOK, and I saw nothing but hate and name-calling in the Makorra tags. I saw people casually throwing around the word “homophobic,” and one person said people who don’t like Korrasami are just misogynistic. 

I just wanted pretty pictures, and people are out here psychoanalyzing shippers! So, I dug through some blogs and to feel more grounded with this fandom I didn’t recognize. After reading through their commentaries and experiences, I actually became more upset at Bryke than the teenagers/children who comment on Makorra posts saying how much better Korrasami is or accuse Makorra shippers of being homophobic. 

Yes, I truly believe these comments are mostly coming from people in their late teens and younger, at least in 2020. I can’t speak on 2014/2015, but since we were younger, the early 20s/late teens, I wonder if our age group was also the loudest. Don’t get me wrong, adults can be horrible people and can get really nasty. However, every time I look up the rudest commenters' profiles, they were teens. When one Korrasami shipper wrote “screw Makorra” on my AMV, I figured I’d have some fun trolling them until I clicked on their profile and saw a child. Needless to say, I ignored them and reflected on how parents are allowing their babies on TikTok while my parents freaked out at the idea of showing my picture on FB growing up. 

*I’m not still mad about that*

Also, while it doesn’t give anyone an excuse to make such a strong accusation, part of me, as a straight person, feels like I can’t get too upset because I also become very aware of my privilege. The space I’m in is a majority of young LGBT+ fans (at least on Twitter where I’ve seen the most toxicity). Some people see TLOK as their safe space and imply why should there be Makorra shippers when they have all these other cis/het shows they can engage with. It doesn’t work like that, of course. TLOK doesn’t only feature Bi characters. They’re POC/Indigenous, women, and Korra has dark skin. That’s a lot of marginalized communities. Makorra/TLOK is my comfort show, not because she’s with a man, but because of the reasons I just listed. Also shipping Korra with Mako doesn’t mean she’s no longer bi. She’d still be attracted to women.

Here’s who I am upset with tho, Bryke. Mostly Bryan. While Makorra shippers called out Korrasami shippers for cyberbullying, the focus seemed to be on Bryan for making it seem like there was something wrong with them for not finding Korrasami’s narrative satisfying. It was especially sad to read bloggers who identified as being part of the LGTB+ community saying Bryan’s hetero-lens dismissed their experience and then having to defend/proving themselves to anonymous messengers. 

Fans saw it as a betrayal. They saw it as the go-head for the rude Korrasami shippers to harass Makorra artists because they “didn’t watch the show correctly.” When the creator, the person you admire, also puts the blame on you, that kind of pain is on another level.

Korrasami shippers played a huge role in kicking Makorra shippers out of the fandom, but we can’t underestimate how much Bryan’s statement is a slap in the face. He used his characters and social justice as a shield for reasonable criticism. Just because we say a story is bad and Asami is grossly underwritten doesn’t mean that we’re against the idea of Korra and Asami being a couple. 

Of course, I’ve seen some very problematic statements from Makorra shippers. After all, homophobia is real. However, aside from the actual bigots, people have no issue with Korrasami. They just wanted a stronger connection between the girls. Many people seem to think Makorra shippers were looking for more romance, but we know we couldn't expect that. We can expect more screentime, musical cues, and more emotional support, which most people can see as platonic, but be romantic if you really want to. Mako’s interactions in book 4 can be seen as platonic, but all of us Makorra shippers saw it to be romantic.

Popping bottles! I completely missed that joke in 2014 and I discovered it this year. I agree it’s pretty annoying, but I become a troll and say I’m popping bottles for my Makorra moments. I don’t get any engagement, but I don’t seem to lose followers for it. Maybe popping bottles represents “straight-baiting?” I don’t get it why it’s so funny after all this time, but we’re Makorra shippers. We’re the joke 🙄

Anyways, to wrap up, lately, there seems to be a bit of a shift on Twitter. When I first created an account. I stayed in my little corner live-tweeting about TLOK and Makorra. I had to stop looking at the Makorra tag because it was so negative. Now, I’m seeing people admit they’re cute, and then saying they’re platonic soulmates. I’ll take it, although, as one commenter said, “that’s boring!” 

Someone led a Makorra Week back in October, and it was really nice! I have feeling people speaking up on the name-calling and reminding people that we’re talking about 2D characters helped. We just want to be left alone and enjoy the scenes we have in the show, art, and fanfiction. 

Keep shipping who you want! Don’t let any stranger shame you for your shipping preferences, especially in fiction! I’m so happy you feel more comfortable shipping these two dorks! You’re not alone! I’ve been a Makorra shipper since 2012, and while I find Korrasami cute (I love Korra, and I love Asami), Makorra is my OTP. I really like them, and I think they were meant for each other.