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horrorhot-line · 1 year

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the grandfather paradox

The name comes from the idea that if a person travels to a time before their grandfather had children, and kills him, it would make their own birth impossible.

➵ pairing: saiki kusuo/female! reader (ish)

➵ word count: 5.5k

➵ genre: crack rlly

➵ warnings: none

➵ summary: kaito saiki goes to sleep, only to wake up in the middle of town. on his way back home, he realises he’s managed to time travel and worst of all? stopped his parents from meeting each other like they should have.

➵ masterlist (requests are open)

➵ previous part - brontide

I DO NOT CONSENT TO MY WORK BEING POSTED BY ANYONE ELSE ON ANY PLATFORM

before you read:

‘saiki telepathically communicating with reader.’

‘reader thinking or interacting with saiki through thoughts.’

“saiki talking without moving his mouth.”

“saiki talking using his mouth.”

notes: i realise i’ve done it again and disappeared for a while because writers block got to me. i’ve been really busy with life if i’m being honest and moving houses. i hope you guys enjoy this.

this was requested by anon, here and here.

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Saiki sat at home in front of his desk with a looming headache. When he woke up that morning, feeling like something was amiss, he had been right.

The psychic brought his gaze down from the ceiling to the pink-haired child before him. How was he supposed to react when the preschooler in front of him claimed to be Kaito Saiki, his son?

"No offence, but can you get over yourself? I need to go back to my timeline."

What a pain.

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The day started like always. Saiki woke up before his alarm and used his psychokinesis to turn it off before it rang. He took his time wearing his uniform, buttoning up his shirt and folding his tie neatly before looking in the mirror. Not too neat and not too messy, he looked ordinary.

Well, as ordinary as he could look when his control devices poked out of his hair, his green glasses stayed perched on the bridge of his nose. He quietly went downstairs to eat the breakfast Mrs Saiki had already prepared, ignoring his parents acting like long-lost lovers who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Saiki chewed on his rice absentmindedly, thinking back to when he had first woken up. Nothing had been out of place, yet he couldn't shake the feeling that something had gone wrong. Saiki closed his eyes, placing his chopsticks down when he was finished with his food. He would worry about it later.

For now, he had to make his way to PK academy to repeat the entrance ceremony like he did every year when he had to use mind control and reset time on Earth.

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You had woken up knowing today would be different. It was your first day at PK Academy, after all! You grabbed the alarm from your bedside table, turning it off to stop the assault of the sudden loud noise on your brain. You lifted the duvet covers off you, groggily getting up to wash your face and make sure you looked presentable for your new high school.

After completing your skincare routine, you fumbled but finally finished throwing on your uniform, struggling to tie the red bow around your neck. When you finally managed to do so, you realised you were running late. "Shit!" You exclaimed, rushing down the stairs, nearly tripping but catching yourself on the railings before you went to grab your shoes.

You didn't have time to sit and eat breakfast, opting to grab a piece of toast as you let your family know you were leaving for school. You haphazardly put your shoes on, grabbing your school bag before leaving the house. Finding your way to PK Academy was pretty easy when you had an app to help you navigate.

You had pulled up google maps on your phone and entered your desired destination before making your way down the street. That's when something in the distance caught your attention. When you noticed pink hair in your peripherals, you turned to your left. Your eyes landed on a small child who was staring right back at you from across the street.

Weird-coloured hair was nothing out of the blue in this universe, something you had to accept as a child. His eye colour was the only thing normal about his appearance- and it was eerily similar to yours. It was rare to see since you never really saw the shade after the age of 4 when you started spouting neon green roots.

What perplexed you the most was trying to understand why this kid had hair clips. You would've chalked it up to his parents choosing to dress him up if it weren't for the fact that- the longer you looked, the more it looked like they weren't hairpins at all.

For one, you were sure hair pins had clips that were visible, even after they were snapped into place. And why did he look like the most unexpressive child you had ever seen? You swore kids were supposed to be carefree, always smiling- not stoic, with eyes that looked dead inside, like that one.

You were distracted when a group of girls walked passed him, and you recognised the uniform. It was the same as yours! Did that mean they went to your school too? The plan was to follow the group of girls you saw in the distance so you could be sure you were going the right way- long forgotten was the strange child you had seen earlier.

Again, that was the plan- but when did anything go your way, really? The answer was never. Before you could cross over to tail the girls, you felt nausea hit you. Your vision swam, and you realised you could barely see straight.

It was unlike anything you had ever felt. Your legs gave out from under you, and you fell to the floor, too distracted by the pain in your head to notice how your hands scraped the concrete pavement when they reached out reflexively to cushion your fall.

You failed to notice the high school boy with similar pink hair walk past you, too distracted by the sickly sweet saliva pooling in your mouth, telling you that you were about to throw up your breakfast. Saiki failed to notice you, too, unable to hear your thoughts which stopped him from acknowledging your existence.

People crowded around you, worried about your health. You couldn't answer them, too busy feeling like your head was being hit repeatedly with a hammer to pick up on what they were saying. The noise around you sounded like they were far away, and anxiety took hold of you as you realised your vision had started to spot black.

And then, as if some miracle had happened, the terrible headache plaguing you dulled, and sound returned to your ears. Your stomach no longer felt like it was doing flip-flops. That's when you noticed a small hand on your back, and when you turned, you came face to face with the pink-haired child you had seen earlier.

"Sleep, mom."

Your brain barely had the chance to question what the kid meant, your eyes closing and your body slumping as you passed out.

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Kaito Saiki, the son of Y/n L/n and Kusuo Saiki. The child of the most powerful esper to exist and the most potent nullifier.

Unlike his father, whose abilities proved to be a challenge to control, Kaito possessed the ability to nullify his own powers if he chose to. That was thanks to his mother, who could shut off her link to the supernatural if she tried hard enough.

The only issue Kaito faced was that he had no way of stopping his psychic capabilities when he wasn't conscious. Not yet, anyway. He was six, after all, and his father had cursed him with supernatural abilities, which wouldn't have been so bad if only his powers weren't 100 times stronger than Kusuo's. That meant that when Kaito was sleeping, he could blow up Japan with a single sigh.

All was well when you were around because you could stop his powers from going haywire when you were within 100 metres. The only issue was you had gone on a weekend away to visit your parents, and because Kaito couldn't miss school days, he had to wait until Tuesday for your return.

Initially, the child psychic and your husband Saiki had reassured you that all would be fine because Kaito honestly did think nothing too drastic would happen in your absence.

He had been wrong. Come the first night without you, he realised he grossly underestimated how much your presence affected his power or lack thereof.

After seeing you off at the airport on a Friday afternoon and walking hand in hand with his father home, his face more stoic than his dad's as if that were humanly possible he watched re-runs of shows he had seen you enjoy in the past. It definitely wasn't because he missed having you around.

He wasn't like his dad, Saiki, who spent the day cleaning, occasionally staring off into the distance when he found something you misplaced before putting it back where it needed to be- definitely not. His old man needed to stop overreacting; he was acting like you had left forever! You would be back in 4 days; it wasn't that big of a deal.

Kaito hadn't even realised how tired he was, dozing off on the couch in the living to the sound of automated laughing tracks wishing it was your laugh mixed with them.

When Kaito awoke, it took him a few seconds to realise he wasn't covered in a blanket. If someone paid attention, they'd see his shoulders slightly droop at discovering you weren't there to tuck him in for the next few nights. Sure, his dad would teleport him into his bed, but you would tell Saiki off for risking Kaito waking up. Then again, you weren't there to do that either.

That's when it hit the young psychic; he wasn't in bed or on the couch sinking into the pillows. No, he was in the middle of the city, and it was broad daylight. The loud thoughts of the whole town flooding into his brain was annoying. Kaito lowered the intensity of his powers so that his telepathy only reached a radius of 10 metres, grateful he was his mother's son and had inherited nullification as an ability.

With the tedious voices of a thousand others no longer invading his skull, he could finally think in peace.

People passed by Kaito, paying little attention to him. He recognised his surroundings; he was in the centre of his town. Familiar shops surrounded him, and Kaito began walking, shoving his hands into the pockets of his shorts as he navigated back. Was it just him, or did the stores around him look different? And why did the style of the clothes people wore around him look old-fashioned?

Kaito guessed he had teleported in his sleep, but he couldn't, for the life of him, wrap his head around why something felt off. He ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach. Was he ill? No, that wasn't possible. Something as ridiculous as sickness couldn't affect him. None of that mattered; for now, his only focus was walking down the familiar road that led past PK Academy to get to his house.

Letting out a sigh at how bothersome the situation was, Kaito let his feet drag him forward. When little kids around his age ran past him laughing as they played tag on their way to kindergarten, he rolled his eyes.

If he decided to smite them off this Earth, it'd be okay, right? No, he shook his head. You would definitely get angry at him if he did. And he wouldn't want you to be upset at him.

How annoying; the people around him were like rats. He didn't mind them, but they were still nuisances.

All was okay- until it wasn't. Kaito made the mistake of looking up from his shoes to the swarm of people trying to get to school early in the morning when his eyes landed on familiar hair. Squinting his eyes, his feet slowed as he tried to get a better look across the crowd, and then his gaze landed on your face. For the first time in his life, Kaito was shell-shocked.

Granted, his expression stayed the same, but he wondered if he had actually contracted some type of illness because his stomach dropped to his feet.

He didn't like the feeling, and he definitely didn't like how it got increasingly worse when you turned to look at him. If Kaito had the ability to express his emotions better, he was sure he'd be scrunching his nose. He only deadpanned at you, wanting to clench his jaw at how there was no softness behind your eyes when your gaze landed on him.

The adoration your eyes usually held was nowhere to be found; you looked at him as if he was a stranger. That's when it hit him. Kaito had managed to time travel. Your school uniform, smile lines barely visible on your face and your shortened height. All of it made sense to him.

You raised your eyebrow at Kaito before a group of girls clad in the same clothes as you seemed to catch your attention. That's when he saw it. Pink hair, same as his, topped with the exact same hair clips he wore. His father had just walked past him.

Kaito didn't catch a good look, not with Saiki's back facing him. The young psychic hadn't realised he had stopped walking until then. When he went to move forward, continuing on his journey, his new goal being to find a secluded place so he could collect his thoughts and find a way to get back to his current timeline, he stopped dead in his tracks.

Kaito had never been an expressive child, something he was sure most parents would worry about if he was anyone else's kid. He wasn't, though; he was yours, which meant no matter how stoic or ungrateful he came off, regardless of what you did for him, you always welcomed him with open arms and a smile on your face.

The child esper guessed he loved his parents, even if he didn't show it. The warm feeling he would get in his heart was evidence of that- every time he saw you and Saiki. He wasn't sure why, but he would always favour you over his father.

Maybe it was something about how understanding and patient you were with him that tugged at his heartstrings like no other.

So Kaito forgot all about precaution, and his brain blanked when he saw you collapse to the floor, falling to your knees as if you had lost all your strength. Of course, he knew why; you had told him of yours and Saiki's meeting, that his dad's powers took a toll on you the first time you were in his vicinity.

Should he get rid of his dad? Permanently? He was the cause of your pain, after all.

Kaito got rid of the intrusive thought as quickly as it had appeared; if he did kill Saiki, he'd never have been born. And that meant he'd never see you again. There were more pressing issues at hand; he was sure you were on the verge of fainting, no doubt feeling nauseous.

What else could have happened when his father walked past you that morning, not knowing of your presence or the effect he had on you as he passed you by to get to PK Academy? Of all the moments in time Kaito could have travelled to, this had to be by far the worst. Judging by how Saiki didn't spare a glance at you, he had yet to meet you.

Crowds of people swarmed you to make sure you were okay, obstructing Kaito's view of you. He wanted to blast them away with his powers; they weren't helping. Saner heads prevailed.

For the first time in his life, urgency came before all else. If anyone saw him teleport to you, he'd deal with it later; Kaito's main priority was making sure you were okay first. He appeared behind you instantly, ignoring the people around him, only focusing on you.

Kaito closed his eyes, placing the small of his hand on your back as he imagined a void around him, willing it to grow to a metre's radius, covering the two of you. He had successfully blocked out any of his dad's powers, hoping the nullification would at least relieve some of the pain you felt.

When he opened his lids, you turned to look up at him. "Sleep, mom," Was all he said to you, and he watched as you slumped back, his right arm catching you. The only reason his mind control affected you was because he was born from you. When he had grown up, he had questioned you on it before.

You had chalked it up to the fact that since he was your child, there was a bond between you that you shared, so there were no 'broken strings' between the two of you. Kaito was grateful for that fact now as he picked you up in his arms with ease.

He ignored the crowd's shock at his strength and the murmurs of the people surrounding him and you. Turning to face the tall strangers in front of him, using mind control, he willed them to forget what they had seen today before teleporting to his maternal grandparent's house, where he was sure you were still living.

He was grateful the house was empty, guessing your parents had gone off to work already. Kaito placed you on the couch silently before he left, sparing you one last glance as he did.

Good grief.

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This was catastrophic. By catching your attention earlier, Kaito was sure he had just meddled with his parent's first meeting. Had he not been there, you wouldn't have stopped for a few seconds to look at him; you would have headed to school like normal and met Saiki later on.

The whole thing was a domino effect. Kaito knew his fair share when it came to time travel and was also aware that when anyone did jump timelines, the only smart thing to do was to be an unnoticeable bystander. Don't touch anything, don't talk to anyone and try not to get seen.

Something as simple as moving a pencil from its original place to a different location could change how events play out. If Kaito had known he'd travelled to the past in his sleep, he never would have walked the streets without a care in the world.

Kaito had caused a grandfather paradox. A theory that if one travelled back in time and assassinated their grandfather before he had children, they could make their own birth impossible. Kaito had caused a paradox, alright- except it was with his dad minus the killing, too, of course.

The damage was already done, and there was no use pondering over regrets and what-ifs. At this point, Kaito would have travelled back to the future, but he had changed a major event in the timeline- and that would be his parent's love story. That meant if he went back now, there was a possibility that his parents may have never met each other; even worse, he might not exist anymore.

This was why his dad had warned him not to mess with time travel; messing with the timeline had ended in world war 3 for Saiki. Kaito originally wanted to go back a day, but factoring in how he had yet to grasp his powers properly, he might go back in time to when you and Saiki hadn't been born.

He didn't want to risk it, so he decided he would do the next best thing.- get the help of his father, who was still in high school. Saiki had better control over his psychic powers than Kaito did.

With a plan in mind, he got up from the park swing he was sitting on to teleport to his paternal grandparent's house this time. Judging by how the sun was already setting, the school day for his father should already be there.

Kaito sat on the bed, with Saiki perched on his desk chair in front of him.

If Kaito had the ability to laugh, he guessed he would have when he first appeared in front of his father. The older psychic had been shell-shocked, and if it weren't for the fact that Kaito knew he still had contacts in, Kaito would have theorised he had managed to petrify his dad with how he was frozen in place.

"Who the hell are you?" Kaito only raised an eyebrow at his father's colourful words. Would the correct response be to scoff in this situation? Who knew his father lacked brain cells as a teenager? "I'm your son."

Saiki deadpanned at him, his lips parted and his eyes covered by the light reflecting off of his green glasses. "What?"

Kaito sighed- why was the man in front of him so slow? "Can't you tell by reading my mind?" Kaito shot back before realising Saiki probably couldn't. Maybe he should cut the older esper some slack; having a stranger appear out of nowhere only to claim he's your son must come as a shock. "You might want to sit down; this may take a while."

"I'm already sat down."

"It was a figure of speech."

After explaining his life story to Saiki, from how he saw his mother on the street to how the original timeline was supposed to go and how Kaito had messed things up by distracting you, he snapped his eyes back to look at his dad, who looked like he had just gone through the five stages of grief in one sitting.

"I need your help; I need you to time travel back a day and take me with you so I can make sure things happen the way they should." Kaito was sure he hadn't inherited your patience, but boy, did he wish he had because Saiki was starting to annoy him with how slow he was in catching on.

"There's no way you're my son." Was he allowed to smack his dad into next week? It'd be fine since you weren't there to scold Kaito. The young psychic purged the idea from his brain, he needed his dad's help after all, and the man was no use to him if he was unconscious- or dead. "That's it. I'm going to Uncle Kusuke for help."

Kaito got up from his seat on Saiki's bed, acting as if he was ready to leave. Of course, he wouldn't go, but pretending like he would to get his way wouldn't hurt anyone, would it? If Kaito and Saiki had anything in common, it was the fact that they shared a mutual dislike for Kusuke Saiki. "Wait. I can't have my brother find out about this."

The corners of Kaito's mouth twitched ever so slightly; he had hit the nail on the coffin. Saiki had no choice but to help.

The older psychic lowered his face, switching his gaze from the ceiling back to Kaito. The child esper could tell that Saiki still doubted he was his son.

"Why can't I read your thoughts? We're both psychics aren't we?" Kaito tilted his head to the side as if the answer was obvious. "What a pain. It's because I can nullify any of your abilities, and if I turn it off, you'll learn too much about the future. That might change my current timeline; I can't risk that."

Saiki exhaled through his nose, leaning forward in his chair, "You're my son, alright- you even have the same catchphrases as me." Silence followed as the two stared each other down. Kaito refused to yield, and a slight sense of pride filled his small body when Saiki broke eye contact first by closing his eyes.

"Fine. What do you need help with?" Kaito had been triumphant. Finally, he could go back home. Was what he felt not called satisfaction? He felt like pumping his fists until he realised how silly it would be to do so. Kaito faced Saiki, opening his mouth to speak only for him to blink and deadpan.

Kaito had time jumped again. How? He had no idea. He wasn't even sleeping this time! He concluded that being so far away from his mother must be the reason why this was happening to him. How was he supposed to return to the correct timeline if his powers were going haywire?

One thing Kaito did know for sure was that he was no longer in his future dad's bedroom but rather in a field with only crops surrounding him. Letting his eyes sweep the vast green around him, he sighed yet again. There was nothing but plants for miles, as far as his eyes could see. Was this frustration he felt? He couldn't tell.

The most important thing to do was find out what time period he was in. That was what Kaito planned to do, but he didn't get a chance to follow through on it. Why? The answer was simple- bugs.

When Kaito felt something move on the skin of his calf, under his pants, all the baby hairs on his body stood up. For a split second, Kaito was sure his soul had left his body- halfway on its journey to the heavens. He was familiar with this feeling, having experienced it countless times when he found cockroaches around the house.

Kaito's body reacted before his mind did in his sheer state of panic. He kicked his leg out to get the creepy crawly off of him before teleporting far away.

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When Kaito's vision adjusted to his surroundings after he had teleported yet again, he realised he was standing between two people. A sense of dread filled the young psychic- surely the universe didn't hate him that much. He slowly gazed up and found two familiar faces staring down at him. The universe did- it hated Kaito Saiki.

Kaito's eyes blanked, devoid of light. "Eh?"

Gazing intently at him was none other than his mother and father, except they were younger. "You're seeing this too, right?" You were the first to pipe up, not breaking eye contact with Kaito as you watched him curiously. "Kusuo, you didn't tell me you had a little brothe-" Saiki cut you off before you could finish. "I don't."

Kaito had no idea how to talk to you. He gulped as you watched him curiously. He proceeded to do something he only ever did when he was extremely nervous (normally, it only happened when he was getting scolded by you. Kaito's mouth moved before his brain could catch up.

The only thing he could do was quote tik tok references you loved to say. "Baby, I'm not even here. I'm a hallucination. Move on- move on." Your jaw dropped at the boy in front of you, recognising exactly what video the small child was talking about. Your eyes lit up at him in what Kaito assumed to be utter awe. It took everything in him not to hug your leg, knowing all too well he wouldn't be met with the softness that the you from the future would provide.

Your eyes widened as if something had clicked, and realisation dawned on you. Kaito felt it too- the rush in his ears he could faintly hear every time his mother wasn't around, calmed. The weight of his powers lifted slightly, and he inhaled. "Hi." Kaito only looked to you, feeling small and unsure of himself for the first time in a long while.

"No way." You sounded breathless, for good reason. You slowly met Kusuo's gaze at the same time he did yours. Kaito looked around to observe where he was and surmised he had teleported to Saiki's room. "It can't be."

If the two of you were together, then that meant the farm Kaito came from was in a time before he had meddled with yours and Saiki's first meeting. Thank god. If there was any out there.

"What's your name, little guy?" You looked down at Kaito once again, and he craned his neck to meet your gaze. His eyes softened at the sight of you, something both you and Saiki picked up on. "It's Kaito... Saiki." Your lips parted before they stretched into a smile. Saiki's only response was to deadpan- as if his soul was moments away from leaving his body.

"I always wanted to name my kid 'Kaito'. See, told you I was right, Kusuo." You whipped your head to face Saiki, excitement bubbling up on your features. The older esper only rolled his eyes at your antics, opting to look at Kaito instead. "Why are you here?"

Kaito opened his mouth to speak, only to feel an itch in his nose. His face scrunched as he pulled his hand up reflectively, sneezing into it.

Bringing his hand down slowly, the small psychic blinked. He was smack bang in the middle of town centre yet again.

Could he have? Had Kaito actually been that lucky- as to travel back in time to before he had messed up his parent's first meeting? There was only one way to find out.

So Kaito walked passed the crowds of people, trying to keep his pace steady as he made his way towards PK Academy yet again. He stopped just before he suspected he'd see you and hid behind a wall, barely visible.

That's when Kaito spotted the version of you from high school, and he felt himself physically relax, like a burden was lifted off his shoulders. Had the situation stressed him out that much? Probably.

Kaito watched intently as you gazed up from your phone at the group of girls walking past you, clad in the same school uniform. Kaito let out a sigh of relief when you followed them like the universe had planned for you to do so. Kaito stuck around for when his father appeared, absentmindedly walking to PK Academy with a stoic expression not long after you.

Finally, everything had been set right. Now, Kaito had to find a way back to his current timeline.

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After a few tries and focusing solely on not interacting with any human Kaito came across to stop a butterfly effect from happening, he finally made his way back home.

Kaito appeared in the living room, and before his eyes could even adjust to his surroundings, he was engulfed in a hug, "Oomph!" The second he realised it was your arms around him, he visibly relaxed. Breathing you in, he melted into the hug as he buried his nose into your shoulder. He was finally home!

"Where did you go, Kaito?!" The worry in your voice pulled on his heartstrings. He felt a hand run through his soft pink hair, and guessed that must have been his dad.

'I time travelled in my sleep.' Kaito telepathically told you and Saiki, his face still covered by your shoulder. He felt almost ashamed to admit it, as if he had done something wrong. He decided then that he needed to get his powers under control as soon as possible.

"I was worried sick- you disappeared for hours!" You let go of him in a hurry, your hands sliding down his arms as you looked him over before checking his forehead for a fever. "Are you hurt?"

Kaito only shook his head, staying quiet. It felt like his heart was going to burst open, and he had no idea what to do about it. The young esper's attention shifted when he spotted the 2 suitcases behind you. Had you... not left to go visit your parents yet? Had he travelled back to before you went to the airport?

"Don't go." That was all Kaito could say. He looked up at you in time to see your eyes soften. Despite his stoic expression and his empty eyes, you could read him like an open book. He didn't have to say much; you understood straight away. If his powers went haywire when you weren't here, there was no saying what would happen.

"Okay, I'll stay."

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bonus:

After putting Kaito to bed and telling your parents about the change of plans, you walked down the stairs wordlessly. What a long day.

When Kaito didn't come down even after you called for him a few hours ago, you immediately sensed something was wrong. Leaving your suitcases in the living room near the couch, you called your husband over to help you look for him.

Half the day went by with you looking for your son, Kaito. Saiki teleported everywhere, used his telepathy, and even then- he couldn't find your child. Then, like magic, Kaito appeared in the living room. You had heard a brief version of what had happened from Kaito himself before you tucked him in.

"Stressed?" Saiki asked from the kitchen, handing you a warm mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows. You smiled at him, your heart swelling at the simple act of him making you something. "Not anymore." You smiled over the rim of the mug before taking a sip.

You watched quietly as Saiki silently did the dishes. This was it, everything you had ever wanted in life. "What would you do if you never met me?" You asked out of curiosity, the question spurred on by what Kaito had told you.

Saiki paused, placing the last dish onto the drying rack and turning the tap off before he turned to you. "I'd be single and by myself." You kept eye contact, studying your husband to your heart's content. "Until I find you." Your lips stretched into a quiet smile again as you stepped forward.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me, Kusuo." You wrapped your arms around his neck as you pulled him close. Saiki's hands found purchase on your hips. You tip-toed as you placed a kiss on his lips, your smile still present.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

general taglist: @biscuit-buddy @gvthic-gvrl @dunnieko @milkierei @kyrasworld @baby-unidorn @moonflowerpetals @the-mellokid @bangtxnbby @alexiswheeze @tanzaniiite @mo0o0milk @omilkandhoneyteao @turntechsquishy @gukkarchive @peachesuck @hartbeat-art @franko-pop @ima-attention-whore @ola-is-dead @daisysinadarkmedow @froppysgirl @xjaelee @beanst0ck @llamaavocado @tanakassimp @kooksmono @loving-is-the-antidote @toebios @tvwhoresblog @delta-698 @victory-is-here @chuchaycha @saeranoppa @erinbing @draco-kasai @nocturnalcreature998 @just-snog-already @sunnsettee @saikikslut @juju-la-tortue @plutoneu @womanizerbucky @bakugohoex @thatasiandumbass @krazyotakunerd @totallyinlovewithsaiki @kenmascockwarmer @squishiyy @choridion @memorableminds @kyrah-williams @animeboysimppp @soft-levi-girl-blog @aunty-grandma @mindofess @beccawinter @valeriasannchez @unlimitedsimping @bigdumbobsessedbi @tanzaniiite @introvertatitsfinest @windex-princess-ami @knighted-princess @vernon-dursley @emeraldbluexxxx @iwachanslove @skelingtonfreak @dora-the-grownup @peachymichu @amaranth-fuchsia @strawberryjam8 @notaroyal @chaeyal @kuntent-t @heyitsmelilly @mango-bear @sugaamykookies @mrs-todo-roki @joyidonuts @hxney-lemcn @prlan @quiescentelle @alexloveskili @subtropicace @hoshi4k @echothepuff @kindalollipop @ameliabs-world @babyshoyo @animedweeb333 @celamoon @diesinspanishbcimhispanic @froggi666 @loser-keiji @lucilleifer @lunachelly @kaylenn @queenof-saigon @dudufodd @multifandomcat @fresa-luna @kohi-zeri @anyaswrld @saltandapepper @scar8o @where-i-do-things @potatochic2003 @fishfetus @chaotic-fangirl-blog @acidicloveee @noodlenerd101 @aurorakingsley @crystalgman25 @healpeony @chims-kookies @track5enthusiast @mommymi1kers @aboveasphodel @strawberriesareprettycool @princeizuku @mythical-mushrooms13 @stellalorelei @cole-silas @queenof-saigon @thecupcakezombie @dudufodd @multifandomcat @multifandoms99 @skylarmoon119 @hyejoolips @soggyxfroggy @imkumichan @honeyyslvt @theawkwardspork @gabile18 @magikmina @ampheenix @siriusly1 @elwasheree @itsskyvoltage @luna-astro @r4td0lll

if you want to be tagged, let me know!

#saiki x reader #saiki k x reader #saiki kusuo x reader #saiki kusuo #saiki k #saiki #the disaster of psi kusuo saiki #saiki kusuo no ψ nan #Saiki Kusuo no PSI Nan #fluff #x reader fluff #time travel

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netheritenugget · 4 years

Text

How To Fandom

Okay I’ve been really really wanting to write a masterpost about how to stay sane on this website for a while now, and I think it’s time.

So You Joined The Dream SMP Fandom/Basically Any Fandom. You Feel Like You Are In Hell. How Do You Keep Sane?

The block button is your friend. Unless the person who has been blocked tries messaging you or interacting with your posts, then they’ll never find out they’ve been blocked. You can also do something called “softblocking,” which is blocking and then unblocking them to make them unfollow you. Chances are they might not even notice you’re no longer on their feed. Block people who annoy you. Block people who give you bad vibes. Block everyone and anyone who makes you uncomfy. It’s worth it.

Tag filter tag filter tag filter. Tumblr has its own tag filtering option. If you block the word “gore” it won’t block “gore tw” but it’s good to use because it will synch all your filtered tags between mobile and desktop.

If you use Chrome, you should install the New Xkit extension. It has lots of different filtering options, like the option to block individual posts and all variations of them, blacklist words, hide advertisements, and more. There’s also additional accessibility options. Seriously I cannot reccomend being able to block posts enough, it’s extremely helpful for clearing your feed of the same annoying rants that keep popping up over and over again.

Turn off anon unless you’re comfortable with having it on. Anon is a nice way for friendly shy people to message you, yes, but it’s not worth it if there’s people flooding your inbox with hate. You are not a coward for wanting to see the faces of the people who felt the need to take the time out of their day to bait and harass you. Anons harassing you this way want you to post their answers for others to see, because if it was just about making you feel bad, they’d PM you directly to tell you how much they hate you. No, it’s about the fact that they can do it with zero repercussions. Don’t let them get the chance.

Take breaks. Log out of the app and have some food and water.

If you see a post that makes you angry, ask yourself if seeing the same topic in a week will make you just as angry. Ask yourself if it’s worth it to spread that anger to others. Is the information in the post verifiable? Does it need repeating? If the answer to any of these questions is “no” I suggest not spreading it.

If you’re about to argue with someone over their stupid opinions, ask yourself... “Will this argument die out after five minutes? Am I prepared if it goes on longer than that? Is this person probably too stupid to comprehend that they’re a moron?” and if the answer is “yes” then just take the moral high ground and leave.

If you have a post you’re not sure about (maybe it’s controversial, or maybe you’re just feeling extra anxious today), save it to your drafts and come back to it later. It may also help you find typos.

Posts that have already been made can be changed to “private” which will allow you to see them, but nobody else.

Alright Those Are Cool Tips! How Do You Make Tumblr Better For Others?

Be respectful of other’s boundaries. Unless you’re friends with a blog, do not assume they’re comfortable talking about absolutely everything with you. The big blogs on this site don’t have social media managers, they’re not therapists, they’re just normal people who didn’t need to wake up to requests for feet pics. Please be nice to them.

Don’t put unrelated character tags on your posts, it’s especially rude when I’m scrolling through the Eret tag and see unrelated fanart of different characters entirely.

Leave the “#m*neblr” and “#m*necraft” tags alone. It’s not for us. Use “#mcyt.”

When you trigger tag things like seizure warnings make sure you’re actually using the correct tag for such things. For example if you’re tagging gifs for epilepsy warnings, “#epilepsy warning” is better than “#epilepsy” since the first tag is a warning, and the second tag is just the name of the medical condition itself. (Don’t have epilepsy, it’s just a good example)

I love it when people leave nice things on my posts!! I love it so much!!!!! Putting things in the tags is nice if you think your comment might be cluttering, but you want others to see it don’t be shy about slapping it into the reblogs :)

Remember that there is a myriad of reasons someone might not have answered an ask you sent! Tumblr really does eat asks sometimes for unknown reasons, the contents might not have made the recipient comfy, or they might have cleaned the inbox out, or they just might not have wanted to answer it. The recipient might not be comfortable with you sending an ask about where the first one went, but if they are, please be polite and know they don’t have to answer you if they don’t want to!!

Sometimes fandom drama can get out of hand. You know the author of the Dream Apologist Manifesto? They got death threats. Don’t contribute to harassment, no matter how much you think it’s deserved. Don’t be that guy.

If anyone else has anything useful to add, feel free!

#long post #mcyt #dream smp

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rayonfrozenwings · 3 years

Note

your nyx headcanon was so good please continue with it and put more feysand and nyx using his magic

<3 <3 <3 Aww thanks. It's appreciated.

So I started my Nyx Headcanons with this post here .

And then I also write about Nyx’s nicknames for the IC here.

So now I’m up to Nyx as a small child…

He’s very adventurous.

And hasn’t seemed to have developed fear - whether this is because his parents have protected him so well or because he has the “I’m a big strong illyrian” mentality is yet to be seen.

Rhys and Feyre haven’t quelled this - they have instead fostered it when he appears to be pushing himself.

Pushing their buttons is a whole different thing and something he is also very good at.

The pushing of buttons is frustrating because he is clever - so They cannot stay mad at him for long.

One example of this was when he chose to fly from one of the top balconies in the main foyer into the chandelier. No one was around and he managed to make it to the large glass light. But once there he developed a sudden fear of falling - the ground below was tile, the stairs seemed too far and he didn’t want to get into trouble or have his wings fail on him - he was only starting to learn to glide.

So he sat up there looking at the night stars on the ceiling above him and just let his feet dangle. It wasn’t until Rhys went looking for him in a panic that he called out to his father.

When Rhys asked him what he thought he was doing, Nyx replied with “practising” and Rhys couldn’t really deny that practising was a good thing but perhaps next time they find somewhere less dangerous to do this. Nyx agreed and they walked off to get some dinner.

Another example of Nyx learning about the world was when Feyre was doing some painting with him, she would often take Nyx to her studio and they would paint together.

He was always painting on pottery or plates or models, just anything that wasn’t canvas. He once painted another child in the class, turning his blue skin black and adding teeth that stretched right along from ear to ear. Feyre sighed, and sent them to the bathroom to clean up.

After 20 minutes she went to look for them.

The bathroom was covered in black paint, black handprints on the soap, on the door handle, little black footprints all along the tiled floor because Feyre didn't realise how far they had gone with their special effects makeup.

Feyre directed them into the corner of the room above a drain and proceeded to pour water on them both from the Ceiling using her magic. She knew Nyx wasn’t nearly as covered in paint as the other Fae he had painted, but she decided a cold shower might encourage him to not do it again.

The boys sat in a corner wrapped in towels giggling while the lesson continued.

Nyx is clever. Not just smart but clever about how the world works.

He sees patterns and can sometimes predict the way an argument might go, or the way a stack of blocks will fall, or even which Aunt of Uncle is more of less likely to fall for his pranks.

Noone is sure when the pranks started, but they continue to escalate.

It started with sweets vanishing and clues left behind framing various aunts and uncles - Cassian was the Easiest to Frame, he had yet to succeed in Framing Azriel.

One of the most recent pranks involved leaving different family members belongings in other family members rooms. This would instantly have them talking about personal space and what was and wasn’t ok. While this happened Nyx was then able to explore the mansion as he pleased - it was always more fun when no one was with you.

He learned quickly that he needed to let the House of Wind know he wanted to explore alone, none of his pranks ever worked up there. Belongings would return to where they needed to be. Candy would vanish from the shelf in front of his eyes, and until he saw Nesta summon a pegasus from the house Nyx thought it was haunted.

Nesta told him the secret of the house and that if he was a good biy and kind to the house that the house would be kind back.

Of course Nyx was always kind to the house and started getting presents immediately when he visited and even had secret doors open for him when he was trying to escape someone in his family.

He loved his family, but alone time was sacred when you were so wanted.

The house was actually the start of him using his magic more.

While with Mum and Dad he was always watched using his magic, which is fine - but as he became more aware that he might have a lot of power he started to explore it on his own.

He didn't want to hurt anyone, and was scared what it might do

So the House made him a special place.

Deep in the bowels of the house of wind, was a special room, lit with fae light and polished marble walls, light came into the room from a window near the top of the cavern.

Nyx didn't ask questions but this room was where he started to play with his darkness.

To let it come to him from the shadows, to wrap around himself or the items of furniture.

He did once obliterate a chair and wasn’t sure how that happened exactly, but the next time he came back the house had remade the room exactly as it was before the incident.

By the age of 7 Nyx wasn’t sure if he had inherited his mothers magic, sometimes he wondered if it was even possible since she was “made”, but he had definitely inherited his dad’s powers of darkness.

He spoke to the house in his mind and wasn't sure if this was “house magic” or a beginning of some dematai powers, if he mentioned it to his dad then his dad would want to know why he was at the house of wind so much and he didn't really want to share.

He had been having lessons with Rhys since he was a small boy but everything was simple to Nyx, wrapping himself in a warm blanket of darkness was nice, but he needed to explore all sides of his magic.

His dad was also determined to teach him how to read and write as well as learning his numbers telling him that it was an important skill for anyone to learn. Nyx was getting very good at rolling his eyes during these lessons.

In the streets, There had been some weird encounters, whispering behind him or voices shouting out - but whenever he turned he couldn't see anyone looking at him

he had decided that he would ask his dad how his powers started since he at least grew up with magic - not like mum. It was on his ever growing to-do list.

Next anon wanted some date-night Nyx and another wanted some teenage Nyx…. so prepare for some teenage Nyx Hc’s to come.

Inbox is still open, It just takes me time to get to them <3 <3

I very much appreciate the love.

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cheri-translates · 4 years

Text

[CN] Lucien’s Fireworks Date

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

A very observant anon sent this in to provide some context as to where this date fits into the main storyline!

Am here to fulfil @superlemniscate’s wish of seeing this cancelled CN date translated 🍮

More from this Collection: Gavin // Kiro // Victor

The date begins with MC waking up in a hospital because she fainted from overwork.

Lucien comes into the ward just as she is about to call Anna to check on work. It has been half a month since they last met, so seeing him now leaves her with mixed feelings and an inexplicable happiness.

MC: I haven’t seen you in a long time…

Lucien: You wanted to see me very badly?

MC: I didn’t mean it that way…

Lucien: It has indeed been a long time. It felt like a long winter.

MC: It wasn’t that long, we met…

Before I can finish, Lucien towers over me, caging me in his shadow.

Lucien: It’s been so long, and you still haven’t learnt how to take care of yourself.

He looks like he has more to say, but stops himself.

MC: It’s just gastric…

Lucien: … Then what kind of sickness falls outside “just”? You really…

He pauses, and a coldness appears in his eyes. I’ve never seen such a Lucien before.

MC: I’ll take better care next time…

Hearing this, he sighs. He rubs the top of my head gently, as he did in the past.

Lucien: …There wouldn’t be a next time. Come, be good and lie down. Rest early.

Lucien sits at a corner quietly.

Lucien: I’ll keep you company here.

I watch him silently and notice his deep eyebags.

Did Lucien set aside his work to hurry here? He’s already in such a state and still wants to take care of me…

With this in mind, I flash him a big smile.

MC: I suddenly feel a little tired. You don’t have to accompany me, I’ll be fine!

Lucien gently pinches my face, a look of resignation on his face.

Lucien: But there is a silly little girl who has expended my trust. If she wants me to believe her, I have to stay here and ensure that she’s asleep.

My cheeks grow red, and I hide my face under the covers.

Lucien: Or… are you trying to chase me away?

MC: No, I’m just worried about you… You don’t look too well.

Lucien: Don’t worry. Staying here with you is a form of rest. It’s better than being anywhere else.

He says this with assurance, and I can only nod.

Lucien: My only task for today is to stay by your side until you fall asleep. If you continue being energetic and waking up, I wouldn’t be able to complete my task. So, could I trouble this lady to cooperate?

My eyes are covered by his large, gentle hand. It blocks out the white light from the hospital room, and blocks out everything that worries me.

That cold Lucien I saw just now seems to have just been a hallucination.

His low voice seems to carry with it a certain magic, and I temporarily forget the pain in my abdomen, and obediently close my eyes.

A sudden tiredness comes with the warmth from Lucien’s palm, and takes over my entire body.

The date switches to Lucien’s POV and explains how worried he felt when he heard MC was in the hospital

He doesn’t know what he is anxious about. He doesn’t know why he feels angry.

Only when he sees the girl, and sees her caring for him, does Lucien understand that this anger is all because of one person.

Because he has learnt an emotion called “worry”.

Lucien stays until he has nothing else to do, tucks her in a little more, then leaves.

MC wakes up to find that Lucien is gone. Anna calls to check on her and assure MC that everything is all right, but MC can tell that something has gone wrong at work because she hears quarrelling in the background.

She’s prepared to leave the hospital but trips into the arms of none other than Lucien.

MC: …Lucien?!

Lucien doesn’t respond, keeping his arm around my waist, his eyes boring a hole into me. His expression is unreadable, and I am filled with guilt.

MC: Why haven’t you left?

Lucien’s eyes trail to the back of my hand where I had injections earlier, frowning.

Before I can make sense of the situation, I am lifted and wrapped into Lucien’s warm arms.

The people walking past us stop and stare, some even whispering amongst themselves.

MC: Lucien, I…

Lucien: Be good.

He ends with these two words. Carrying me, we return to the ward.

A tense atmosphere hangs in the air. There is some coolness in Lucien’s embrace, and his cold buttons are on my face. The tension dissipates slightly after he sets me down on the bed.

Lucien holds my hand, gently applying pressure and rubbing the back of my hand.

Lucien: Does it hurt?

MC: No, no it doesn’t.

Lucien’s eyelid moves slightly. He looks at me silently for a while, indifferent, his eyes having within them a faint light. Although there doesn’t seem to be a change in his mood, I can sense a sort of anger hidden in his calm expression.

Lucien: Mm. I’ll make a move then.

Lucien’s tone has become a little cold. He turns around, taking large steps as he leaves the ward.

Is he angry?

For a moment, I forget the reason why I even left the ward in the first place. I am in a daze, watching the open door and not knowing what to do.

MC: [groans in pain]

My abdominal pain returns, and I hurriedly grab some medicine off the bedside and swallow them.

MC: Where’s my cup…

A shadow crosses in front of me. My vision becomes clear after a moment of dizziness.

A glass of warm water appears in my hand.

MC: Lucien… Didn’t you leave?

Lucien just stares at me.

Lucien: It’s not hot anymore.

Lucien’s tone is steady. I nod, drink the water, and return the cup to him.

I don’t dare to look into his eyes, the guilt eating me as I keep my head lowered.

MC: I… I just wanted to go to the office and then return to the hospital…

Lucien releases a long sigh.

Lucien: You always say you’ll take care of yourself and not worry me… When exactly can I stop worrying about you?

The way he says the second sentence is as though he is confused and doubting himself.

MC: I’m sorry that I’m always making you worry and for going back on my word… But this time, I definitely have to go to the office.

I look at Lucien and say this with complete resolution.

Lucien lets me sit down, lowers himself, and lifts his head to face me.

Lucien: Can you tell me why?

MC explains the importance of being there for the sake of ensuring the film has no issues, and to make the people around her proud.

Lucien: You think that is enough to ease my worries?

He exudes an unfamiliar aura, different from the gentleness that I am used to.

Lucien: I’m the advisor of your programme, so I can take your place instead. Or do you not trust me?

MC: That’s not it. I trust that you can settle the problem. But… I want to rely on myself this time!

I resolutely say what is in my heart, and meet Lucien’s gaze without hesitation.

Lucien: The doctor told me that you still need to be kept under observation for one day. If you still want to go, I won’t stop you.

I stare into his unreadable eyes, think about the situation at the studio, and make a decision.

MC: I want to go.

As though he didn’t expect that I would remain steadfast in my decision, a flash of astonishment crosses his eyes as he slowly releases his hold on my hand.

He stands up, putting some distance between us.

I steady myself, ignoring the pain in my abdomen, and walk out of the ward.

Lucien follows me from behind, maintaining a distance between us. I secretly sneak a peek behind me, and can only see his calm expression and his lips pressed together tightly.

When I turn back, someone knocks into me.

MC: I’m sorry I’m sorry…

I hold on to the railing, apologizing profusely. Lucien stands behind me, silently watching.

In the past, Lucien would have pulled me aside to prevent this from happening. Today, he doesn’t seem to have much of a reaction. He must be really angry with me…

A bitter sensation arises in my chest. Even when faced with difficulties in work, I’ve never experienced such a feeling before.

Thinking about this, I speed up my footsteps.

The footsteps behind me follow suit. In a corner without sunlight, he grips my wrist.

I bite my lips and not turn back.

With a long sigh, Lucien stands in front of me.

Lucien: Don’t walk so quickly.

For some unfathomable reason, when I hear this, there is a sour taste in my mouth.

Lucien: I’ll send you there.

He takes off his outercoat and places it over me. It’s a warmth I am used to, yet it feels a little foreign.

I want to get close to him, but Lucien maintains a distance between us.

MC resolves the issue at work, and notices Lucien talking to the external producer. By the time she’s done, it’s already dark.

Lucien remains by my side, but is completely silent.

It’s usually a short route home, but it seems like an inordinate amount of time passes before I finally reach my door.

MC: Today-

Lucien: It’s late, rest early. Goodnight.

Only for a second, Lucien’s lips curl into a smile. He turns to leave.

Looking at his retreating form, I feel an indescribable emotion.

When did the distance between us feel like a gigantic chasm?

I want to muster my courage to run forward, just like in the past, hold Lucien’s hand, and say “thank you” and “I’m sorry.”

But I am deterred by the indifferent expression I saw when we were in the hospital corridor.

Even after he disappears through the door, I am unable to take a single step.

This is the fifth day that Lucien and I have had no communication. I can feel him putting deliberate distance between us.

I turn on my phone, looking through my chats. The last message sent was on that night.

The message reads: I’m sorry for worrying you today.

It sits in my chat list without a response.

I keep turning my phone on, then turning it off.

This is the first time I want to reach out, but I don’t dare to do it.

There are sounds coming from outside the window. MC goes to the balcony and sees the sky filled with fireworks.

MC: It’s already the firework festival… I even planned to go see them with Lucien…

I never thought that the day would come and I’d be watching them alone.

I suddenly recall something. I run into the study room and retrieve two tickets to the firework festival from within a book.

MC: I even secretly bought them as a surprise…

It’d have been great if I didn’t make him angry or made up with him.

I turn around. A building blocks my view of the fireworks, and I can only see them as they dissipate into the night.

By the time I come to my senses, I’ve already put on a jacket, gripping onto the tickets, and standing at my door.

Even before I knock at Lucien’s door, the phone in my hand starts ringing. It’s Lucien.

Lucien: MC, are you at the balcony?

His voice is a little faint, and I nod my head hurriedly, running to the balcony.

MC: Yeah, yeah. You-

When I step onto the balcony, I am frozen to the spot. The tickets in my hand fall to the ground without a sound.

Our balconies separated by a mere metre, I see Lucien holding a stick of fireworks with a small smile towards me.

A gentle breeze tousles through his hair, clothes. His eyes are illuminated by the starlight.

It feels like a beautiful and faraway dream.

Tears spill from my eyes. The more they fall, the worse my crying becomes.

I hear footsteps. In a second, I am wrapped in his arms, and he holds me as though he would never let go ever again.

Lucien: Don’t cry.

Hearing his voice, the day’s sadness, worry, and conflicting emotions are mixed into my tears as they continue flowing.

Lucien holds onto my face, gently wiping the pearly droplets away.

Is this a hallucination? In the night, it looks like his eyes are tinged slightly red.

Lucien: I’m sorry. I don’t have anything for your tears. So… don’t cry.

I try my best to suppress my tears, nodding my head vigorously.

MC: I’m s-sorry, it’s my fault. I just keep thinking… that I can’t keep relying on you, that I don’t want to disappoint the people around me, and yet I keep hurting them…

Lucien presses his forehead to mine, his eyes full of emotions, as though he wants to lock me within them.

I’ve never seen him in such a state of regret.

Lucien: It’s not your fault. You did very well. I’m the one who didn’t.

He closes his eyes, his fingers gently massaging my face.

Lucien: Silly, you’re not the one relying on me. I’m the one relying on you. Don’t cry anymore. You can be angry with me all you want, okay?

I wipe my tears and take in deep breaths.

MC: No more anger. Let’s both not be angry anymore.

Lucien: Mm, no more. Not even in the future.

I close my eyes, leaning my forehead onto his. In this moment, my heart, which was in a state of chaos before, finally settles.

Lucien: I’m sorry for being late.

A magnificent firework blooms in the sky along with Lucien’s voice.

I shake my head, looking into his eyes with a serious expression.

MC: It’s all right, I don’t feel like going to the firework festival anymore.

Lucien: Hm?

MC: We have this!

I lift up the sparklers in Lucien’s hands, my eyes crinkling upwards into a smile.

Lucien gently wipes the tear streaks off my face, and holds my hand.

Lucien: They are all yours.

MC: That’s wonderful, this shall be our firework festival!

Lucien takes out a lighter, setting a sparkler alight.

The tiny, bright, star-like fire light is within reach.

I lift my head to look at Lucien, and then at the sparkler. My heart is energized by joy and contentedness.

Lucien: Do you like sparklers this much?

MC: Yes! Don’t you think they look like stars? We can even touch them.

Lucien laughs, taking out another stick. Pressing it to the tip of mine, the little light travels over to his stick.

Just like this, we keep the flame alight with the other sparklers, happy and amused.

Lucien: Right now, we have the entire starry sky.

I wave the sparklers in my hands happily.

One stick, two sticks, three sticks… like shooting starts that have fallen onto the balcony.

The small sounds from the sparklers are covered by the larger fireworks in the distance.

The small starlight in our hands cannot be compared to the light produced by the fireworks at our backs.

But, we are truly happy.

Lucien: Be careful, don’t get it on your clothes.

MC: I’m not afraid!

I laugh, handing my firework stick to him.

Lucien pauses for a long time, then suddenly takes both of my hands, pulling me into his arms.

MC: Be careful, your clothes!

Lucien: I’m not afraid either.

MC: Not afraid of even this?

I boldly embrace him. Lucien laughs, encasing me even more tightly.

I seem to have fallen into his trap. I think for a moment-

MC: Ahh, the flame has really gotten onto your shirt…

Lucien: At most, you can just pay me back.

MC: How does that even work…

I flush and try to escape, but am afraid that the flame would really get onto his shirt, so I remain in place.

Our heartbeats resound in the surroundings.

Lucien lets go of me, pinching my nose.

Lucien: If you like it, we can do this frequently next time.

I ponder for a moment, then shake my head.

MC: We can’t do that, or else today would no longer be precious.

A gentle wind blows by, and another firework blooms behind us. The flickering stars are reflected his eyes.

Lucien: … Silly.

A little tired, I half-lean into Lucien’s arms, holding on to one firework stick.

Lucien’s chest is pressed against my back, his chin lightly propped on the top of my head. He takes both me and the tiny firework into his arms.

This small area has become our entire world.

MC: Lucien, our film has already finished. I want to invite you to the screening the day after tomorrow.

Lucien: Why?

MC: Because no matter how it turns out, I want to share it with you. I want to make you proud.

Lucien’s chin slides to the side of my cheek, and his touch carries with it his unique scent.

Lucien: All right. Do you know that you’ve already made me very proud?

MC: What if I fail?

Lucien: Even if you fail, you are still you. Don’t shoulder all the stress by yourself.

MC: Mm… But if the result turns out bad, I might cry really badly.

Lucien: Then I’d have to help this cry baby wipe her tears, hold her hand, and bring her home.

I burst out laughing. This is Lucien, the Lucien I am most familiar with, and the most genuine Lucien.

MC: That day, I saw you talking to the external producer. What were you two discussing?

Lucien: I told him that this fledgling would leave an indelible mark on this programme’s history.

He says this with certainty and seriousness.

So he was already helping me back then… and I still thought he was angry…

I bury my head in Lucien’s chest, and mutter…

MC: Lucien, can I take back what I just said?

Lucien: And that is?

MC: In future, let’s play with sparklers every six months.

Lucien: All right.

The flame from the sparkler in my hand finally extinguishes.

On the balcony, Lucien hugs the girl tightly.

He hugs the only ray of light in the dark expanse of night.

There are still glimmers of light in Lucien’s pupils from the girl’s lively face.

He recalls his cruelty in the hospital corridor.

He recalls the anxiety-ridden life he led over the past five days.

And right now, he quietly enjoys a rare instance of life’s peacefulness.

Since he has decided to protect this girl’s innocence, he would not force her to grow up.

He will set them aside - those plans that have already taken form.

This time, he has decided to temporarily halt his footsteps.

Until his rose is sufficiently independent and strong.

#mlqc #mlqc lucien #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #clutches heart #the more I read Lucien’s dates the less I understand him #cncancelled

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capricornus-rex · 4 years

Text

Someone Left to Save (13)

Cal Kestis x Reader

Requested by Anon

Summary: The Mantis crew arrives to the capital of Ulfin, in the planet of Pevera, under siege. They meet the local rebel cell spearheaded by the former Republic admiral, Jax Beneb, who seeks to destroy the Empire’s occupation that was aggressively imposed upon while exploiting the planet of its natural resources. A plan is devised to destroy the Imperial’s main base of operations—as well as their influence—in the planet; however, it was a do-or-die mission that you and Cal had gotten yourselves caught in.

A/N: Late post again, but the AO3 version got there first because it was easier to format aaah I want my laptop fixed soon ;_;

Tags: Force-Sensitive! Reader, Inquisitor! Reader, Jedi! Reader, Fake Death, Jedi turned Inquisitor, Seduction to the Dark Side, Turn to the Dark Side, The Dark Side of the Force, Aftermath of Torture, Torture, Psychological Torture, Redemption Arc! Reader, Possible Redemption, Premonitions

Also in AO3

Chapters: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 | Previous: Part 12 | Next: Part 14 | Masterlist

13 of ?

It has been hours since Cal encountered you. He’s in the Mantis recovering, and still wrapping his head around everything. In fact, his mind is still in a jumble after your reunion of a duel.

He can’t meditate for long periods of time, he constantly tosses and turns in bed when he decides to rest, and he religiously reads your profile as an Inquisitor on BD-1’s databank.

“Twelfth Sister, huh?” Cal mumbled behind his clasped hands over his lips.

He intently stares at the written portion of your profile.

He pondered out loud, “I don’t even wanna think about how long they’ve kept her there until they broke her, or how long she’s been doing missions until she’s completely desensitized like the rest.”

“Bee…” BD-1 chirped sadly.

Cal shakes his head, erasing such gruesome thoughts.

“No, she’s not like them. She’s still not fully gone yet. I know her…”

BD trills in reply, astonished just how cemented the boy’s resolve and optimism is.

“[Y/N] still has a choice, I hope she understands that,” he added.

A migraine abruptly jabs at Cal like a dagger to the stomach. Screams, explosions, and blaster fire echoed as an awful-sounding medley in his skull. It took him a few good moments before the sounds quietened. His little droid chirped worriedly as he watched Cal shudder and go woozy.

“I think the town’s in trouble, BD!”

BD knew what was up just from that simple outburst, he hopped on Cal’s shoulder before the boy could even stand up and scamper out of his room. He jumped over the set of stairs, slammed a button, and slipped through the entry door left ajar, disappearing from the Mantis; he didn’t run off right away, he waited for the exterior compartment door to open, revealing a compact speeder bike stored inside and sped away to the city.

He already knew the culprit, he only hoped that you haven’t done enough irreversible damage yet.

Contrary to Cal’s foresight, you haven’t wreaked havoc… yet.

Upon your arrival to the small city, you saw how sparse the Imperial security is.

You approached a Stormtrooper donning a red pauldron on his right shoulder, he straightened his posture as soon as he saw you.

“Are these all your men, Commander?”

“No, ma’am, they’re my patrol unit. I have more fanned out in different sectors. Should there be any problem, I’ll have reinforcements ready.”

“Good, because you should. The Jedi’s quite an elusive one,”

“If we spot him, we’ll deal with him,”

You nodded, impressed by this leader’s confidence. You inquired if there are any Purge Troopers dispatched in the city, you called for two of them to your position, they arrived within minutes.

“Two of you come with me,” you commanded with a steel voice. “If you find the Jedi, do not attempt to kill him. He’s mine for the taking.”

The three of you mounted on individual speeders, they followed you. Solely relying on instinct and feeling based on what you had back at the garrison, your party ended up in a small residential compound.

You’ve pinpointed the exact locations where that ripple in the Force is originating—from a house at the western side. However, your welcome wagon from the locals is rather cold. Anyone who can carry a gun held their ground, at the corner of your eye, you spot a little family of three: mother, father, and infant boy.

You knew right away the source.

The man saw through your faceless helmet, father’s intuition spiking up when he knew that exact intention of that ominous turn of your head to his son.

“You,” the ignition of the saber startled everyone, including the family; they held their ground, safety locks from all of the blasters clicked with the barrels aimed either at you or the Purge Troopers. Your men returned the gesture, but you signaled them to hold their fire. You lowered your saber to point at his son. “You know he has it, don’t you?”

Apparently, not many were aware of what you’re talking about, but the parents knew all too well. Even he pointed his own blaster at you. This demonstrative warning didn’t intimidate you, not in the smallest bit, instead you received them with a sinister chuckle—which left them in a collective puzzlement.

In the slightest movement, someone did the first shot but you deflected it with a superhuman precision and speed—intentional or otherwise, they feared for their life as they’ve come to realize they made that mistake. And then in the next split second, they never saw you coming. A barrage of blaster fire came from all sides. A few Stormtroopers near the area got themselves involved when they heard the firefight. While they’re busy exchanging bullets, you went after the mother who ran away from the action; her husband didn’t stand a chance against you—incapacitating him by hammering his jaw with your saber’s pommel.

The apartment where the woman went into hiding was a maze, halls upon halls of doors, she thinks she’s outsmarted you. You stood still and felt for the child’s Force signature amongst the rooms. Its fussing echoed in your mind until you turned to the direction where you think it’s coming from. Your eyes shot open and you bolted through the narrow hallway, a single kick broke down the door—startling both mother and wailing child.

“Don’t make this any harder for me,” you snarled, pointing your saber at the trembling woman.

She didn’t cooperate. Her hand aimlessly wandered the floor in search of anything to throw at you. She threw a small statuette in your face but you casually dodged it—all too easy, but it vexed you that she did exactly what you didn’t want her to do. When she found herself helpless, she scrambled up to her feet and made a run for it—but you were faster. The chase led to a dead end, you snuck up behind her as she looks at the wall with sheer horror in her eyes.

“I told you to not make it harder for me, woman,” you hiss from behind, and gave her the same fate as her husband.

You broke her fall by catching her, along with the child whom you snatched from her arms, you returned to the scene of the action only to hear not a hail of projectiles but silence, the baby seems to be calmed down by it. You stopped where you stood, listening for a sign of fighting, but there was nothing. You prepared yourself for whatever you’re going to see. The residents are gone—probably scampered back to their homes—and your Purge Troopers had Cal preoccupied, his back was turned to you as he fought them off, a couple of Stormtroopers lay dead on the ground evidently Cal’s handiwork.

Cal spots you, the Purge Troopers withdraw from the fight when they read the room. The young Jedi immediately turned around to the direction where the enemies were looking at.

“Well now, two heroics in a row! That ought to be a new record, darling,”

“I know what you’re planning to do with that kid, [Y/N]!”

You nasally scoffed, “Trilla was right. You are uncharacteristically prescient!”

“Why don’t you come and face me! It’s me you want!”

“What a brilliant idea!” You gestured at one Purge Trooper to come and retrieve the child. You spotted Cal flinching as soon as the trooper’s hands touched the baby’s swaddle. Both you and the troopers were alerted and positioned in different stances.

“Ah-ah-ah!” you cautiously held your hand above the child’s face. “Don’t do anything that you’d regret, Cal! Believe me, I still have enough humanity to not kill a child in cold blood. Do not convince me otherwise.”

Cal stood down, giving in to your bluff, and forced himself to relax—despite having an Electrohammer Purge Trooper standing behind him with his held in an offensive stance. He watches the other Purge Trooper scoop the child off your arms, your lightsaber takes its place in your hands. Igniting both ends, you point the haloed sleeve in front of the Jedi.

“Let’s dance, darling!”

Finishing what you started, you locked blades with Cal once again. This time, your arena has gotten wider and more open. Cal had no time in apprehending the Purge Troopers with the child and escaped on their speeder bikes. He split his sabers and dual-wielded to match you, but it was useless, he didn’t even realize that you have gotten more skillful and stronger. He’d hate to admit that he was saved by sheer luck back at the temple.

He comes charging at you with an overhead strike, but both ends of your saber blocked left and right sabers altogether. Cal saw the whites of your knuckles as you put more pressure on your gripping arm, your boots barely skidded in the dust when his attack landed on your block, and you flashed him a cocky yet ominous smirk.

“You feel it, don’t you? My strength—it’s too great to bear, isn’t it?”

Although covered, Cal sees the prideful, malicious grin stretched across your face through that dark mask; he could’ve sworn he saw the glint in your eyes—they were sorrowful in expression masking it with rage until no one can mistake it for the other. He knew that you’re still human, unlike the others you call brothers and sisters.

“But you’re no better for what you are right now!”

Cal pushes you away with the Force, enough to put some space between you and himself. You then lobbed your saber at him, spinning like a fan, cutting the air in a clean semi-circle, and he deflected it—as expected—before catching it. You did it a second time, and again, he succeeded in deflecting it.

“Remember what Cere taught us: as long as we’re alive, we will always have a choice!”

“Funny,” your hand snappily catches your saber. “I knew you were gonna say something like that!”

He cancels out the third time you’re about to fling your saber at him, and finally deals some damage—one of the few instances that he actually does—and gradually regained his momentum in the battle. The two of you have become so enamored in the fight that both of you didn’t notice you’ve moved to the back of the compound, away from the main square where the duel initiated.

In this smaller space, you two were completely alone. The intensity felt more intimate yet frightening. Cal saw how your eyes blazed with hatred and anger for him, albeit misplaced and corrupted within you.

“[Y/N], please listen to me: I didn’t abandon you. I swear it,” he calmly said, through the intertwining of your blades.

“Spare me, Cal, I—”

You notice his sleeve roll down, the glimmer of metal caught your eye. You recognize your bracelet worn around his wrist. For a brief second, your block loosened and he felt it.

“You… You kept it?”

“Always have,” Cal takes a deep breath. “And I’m sorry for this, [Y/N].”

Cal pulls the same trick he did on Trilla. In order to disarm you: he switched off his saber mid-block which, in turn, caught you off-guard for a second time—with the sight of the bracelet being the first, spontaneous one—and staggered you real hard. Before you could even react or resist, he inflicts Force Slow on you—and so your limbs felt heavy and hard like stone, it feels as though you’re being encased in wet plaster that’s drying off quickly. While the chance is ripe for the taking, he runs up to you and takes your hand. The wave of emotions thrashing in you like a wild ocean riptide was overwhelming, but he fought it and there’s literally nothing you can do about it.

And that’s where he saw every, single thing.

Fed with lies. Trained with hate. Survived by agony.

Cal’s Force Echo on yourself was painless but it made you a tad bit nauseated. You could feel your very life essence being forcibly siphoned out of your body, at the same time, your memories and feelings transfer to Cal—as if he was the one experiencing them firsthand.

The prickle of electric current on his skin made his nerves jerk, enough to prompt his muscles to let go; the great exhaustion that your body endured burdened itself on Cal’s chest—making him feel out of breath—then the deafening clash of weapons, the battle grunts, and all the taunts meant to torment your mind: all of those Cal endured, through the trance of the Force Echo.

You fight the tears from escaping your eyes, but he didn’t, he let them trickle on his cheeks; withstanding the pain took more willpower than matching your strength in the swordfight.

“Oh [Y/N]... what have they done to you?” he gasped.

“They… made me stronger!” you struggled to speak while under the influence of the Force Slow.

Cal shakes his head, tightening his grip around your hand, “No, that isn’t strength. This isn’t you.”

The gentleness in his voice vexed you and touched at the same time. More emotions pile on top of the other as they conflict in you, the confusion was mind-numbing.

“You just don’t want to admit it, because you’re afraid,” he added.

You’re on the verge of tears, because even if you don’t want to admit it, he’s somewhat right and you hate how right he always is.

“I am not afraid!” you hiccuped, nearly sobbing. “I don’t have to be afraid of the Inquisitors, you, or anything!”

You finally broke free from the hold of the Slow, you violently shook off Cal’s hand from yours, and popped a flashbomb to escape. When the smoke had cleared, Cal found himself alone in that small backside of the compound. More Stormtroopers flooding into that space gave him company, completely surrounding him; just when they thought they had the upper hand, their mistake of underestimating them became their undoing, the Jedi made quick work and felled them all, clearing the path for himself back to the Mantis while you hopped on another speeder and fled out of the city to return to the garrison.

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tox-city · 4 years

Text

Ravishing, Aren’t You? John Laurens X Reader

I was asked by an anon not to continue my “Proud Bastards” fic.

Like, there goes weeks of writing. But hey, its fine. I was also asked by the same person to write a Laurens x Reader one shot where the reader is triplets with Thomas and Lafayette. Smut. Yay.

Please note this is my first time doing smut. so like.. yeah

Female reader & Bi John

Y/N Your Name

Y/N/N Your nickname

***John's POV***

~~ Heavy Sex Scene in Movie~~

A/N Oh boy, prepare for sexual tension. Almost smut. Not that much sex, but a lot of detail. Basically I build up the tension...

I hope it wasn't too much detail.

2135 Words.

Okay, maybe I got a little carried away with this chapter. Consider it a gift for me not posting often guys.

888888888888888888

I couldn't pay attention to the scene playing in front of me. Nor was I aware that Y/N stole my popcorn. I could barely concentrate on the fact that her hand fit mine perfectly. No, my body wouldn't let me do any of those things. Almost all of my willpower was being fixated on the growing problem between my legs.

I was horny, there's no way around it.

Shifting in my seat, I forced myself to look at the screen; The two protagonists fell in love an were now becoming involved in a heavy makeout session. It would be wrong to say I was turned on at the sight of that, but I was. Not because I enjoyed watching others display their love for one another by making love, but because I imagined myself in a scenario like that with Alexandra.

Even before the kiss we shared.

I had never been more thankful for the dim lighting of the movie theater, or else Y/N/N would most likely notice, and who knows how she'd react. Maybe she'd think that I was hard because I was watching people strip down. Even if it was all staged movie shit.

I moved my hand down my thigh and rested my fingertips on my throbbing dick. Biting back a groan, I turn to face Y/N. She was taking in the sight of the man's body. From his regal face, down to his chiseled chest. I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous watching her flushed expression. That didn't help my cause at all. I moved my hand down a few more inches, fighting the urge to palm myself right then and there. I decided on a compromise, I'd take care of myself later-- Preferably when there isn't a bunch of other people in the same room as you, as well as the source of your horniness.

Thank God no one was sitting beside either of us.

Y/N finally tore her eyes off of the dude and turned to face me. Or that’s what I thought. Y/N decided that, at this exact moment, she wanted to rest her head on my shoulder and place her hand on my thigh. This was it, I thought numbly, it's over. As soon as her hand touches my erection, I'll come and then she'll call the movie off.

The tips of her fingers grazed my dick. As soon as the two of them made contact, her right hand sipped down lower, intentionally touching me.

"Fuck," I had barely managed to spit out. Resting my head back, I moved my hand so hers had more room. Call me needy if you must, but every male has his breaking point when it comes to sex. I was so close, Y/N/N might as push me over the edge.

Y/N moved her hand with such skill, you would of never thought she was a virgin. I wanted nothing more than to take her home, but the damn movie didn't end for another hour or so.

As if reading my mind, Y/N purred in my ear, "We could always leave early, John. I'm not that all interested in how this movie ends."

To emphasize her point, Lexi gave my cock a harsh squeeze before kissing my cheek.

I raise a brow as I turn to face her, "Whatever you say, Darling."

~*•*~

We left the theater in a rush, both eager to get to my car. The drive was silent and full of tension. She didn't dare pull any punches-- Should she of done that, I would of taken her in the damn vehicle. Alas, that couldn't happen, I didn't have any condoms in the car. I was not taking any sort of risk with Y/N.

One for her own health and body and second, her family would kill me. Especially her father and Thomas.

As I pulled up into the driveway, a thought suddenly dawned upon me: I'd be taking Y/N’s virginity. Shit, I really hope this works out.

Unlocking the car, we both got out and walked towards the house. Y/N/N grabbed my hand and nestled herself into my side. As soon as I opened and locked the front door, I pushed Y/N against it. I dived into a kiss. She tilted her head to deepen the touch as my hands found their way to wrap around her waist. To my surprise, they fit together perfectly.

I grazed the bottom of her lip with my teeth, nipping here and there, until she opened her mouth slightly. Pushing my tongue inside, I was met with her own. I pushed mine in deeper, wanting how much of her mouth I could explore before I exploded.

Pulling away, I noticed her hands were intertwined in my hair. Letting them slip loose, she looked me in the eye, both of them gleaming with curiosity.

"Follow me," I said as I took her hand, leading her towards my room.

Finally, the front door long behind us, I let go of her hand and starting searching for a condom. I only had them because of health class. And Alexander, last time he was here with Eliza, he left a box for me (like I would use them) with a sticky note engraved with "Get some." I knew how to put them on, as I had lost my virginity last year to some dude cheerleader that moved away over the course if the summer. I hadn't talked to him since the last time we hooked up; He blocked my number.

After searching for a long time, I had finally found them, hidden in my closet. Quickly, I slipped one on, pulled up my pants and turned to face Y/N. She was already struggling to unclip her bra. It was one of those expensive lace ones. A deep shade of green lace held up her large breasts. She wore a D-cup, I think.

Smirking, I walked over to where she sat on my bed. Looking up, she still held her determined expression from earlier. Y/N stopped what she was doing to make eye contact with me.

Sitting down, I shook my head with a smile on my face, "C'mere, Y/N/N." I pat my lap.

She was quick to accept the idea as she obeyed and straddled my thighs. I felt the heat of her panties underneath her jeans. Just the thought alone made my dick twitch again, this time with the pressure of her sex kneading against him.

A moan escaped my lips as she rolled her hips like an expert.

"John," Was all she was able to whine, over and over again. Y/N’s tits shook from the movement, I thought I'd do them one better. I moved my hands from her waist to find the clasp at the back of her bra, with a strong tug, it opened.

Her breasts spilled out as the fabric hung loosely of her shoulders. Carefully, Y/N shrugged the garment off.

"Damn, Y/N." I breathed out as I reached to palm the nearest one. They fit perfectly in my hands-- Full, yet just enough room for me to massage them. I did precisely that; I wanted to test her-- Find her limits and then some. I roughly played with the taut bead of flesh that stood up against my fingertips, desperate for the attention that I was giving the surrounding area.

"John, please," Y/N bounced down on my dick for the umpteenth time, trying to increase the pressure being applied to her delicate pussy. Meeting her eyes once more, I slipped my hand underneath her crotch, curious to know how much she wanted this.

I moved my hand to the front of her jeans, right where the button and zipper were. I took my sweet time undoing the two fasteners. As soon they were opened, Y/N started shifting in my lap, trying to get the pants off. Soon, we both managed to slip the jeans off her.

Y/N sat back down, now with the wet lace that covered her pussy pressing down on dick. She had no idea what the hell she was doing yet somehow this turned me on more. Maybe it was just idea of fucking a virgin.

"Get on the the damn bed," I growled in a voice that I barely recognized as my own. Thankfully, Y/N/N didn't question it. Normally she had argument for everything.

"Lie down," I said as she moved into position. Unzipping my jeans, I had to let out a sigh of relief as soon as my cock sprang free. It's been rubbing against the harsh material of both my boxers and pants. Quickly, I slipped out of my boxers. I was near desperate when I saw Y/N lie down on my bed, looking sexy as fuck with her tits on full display and only a soaked strip of fabric covering her.

I walked over to her, and placed my hand on her leg. Moving it down, I was met with her deep green panties that matched the colour of her bra. Hooking my fingers around the rim of the undergarment, Y/N let loose a needy whine.

A small part of me wanted to rub small circles against her panties, seeing how far I could push her without entering her. Clearly that wasn't going to happen because the majority of me wanted to either eat her out or fuck her. And the amount of time I waited for this to happen was enough.

I tore of her panties without any hesitation. That left her completely naked to my gaze, whereas I still had my button down shirt on. Taking it off, I climbed on top of her.

Squirming noticeably, Y/N looked me in the eye then later put her hands of my chest. Taking in a shaky breath, she broke her stare and closed her eyes.

"John?" She mumbled, head still down.

"Yes?"

"Could we, uh, could we ... ?" She trailed off, unable to finish her sentence. I figured I knew what she was going with her question. I mean, it was her first time having any sort of sex; The furthest she'd ever gone with a guy was kissing, even then, it was on a dare.

"Go slow?" I offered, hoping that I could make her feel a bit more comfortable.

"Uh, yeah. Could we do that, please?"

I smiled, pleased with both her and myself. Her because she was willing to try something new and myself because I didn't rush her into anything.

"Of course, Y/N/N."

~*•*~

"Fuck, John," Y/N moaned as she came, clutching onto a fistful of my hair. This was maybe the third or fourth time she came over the course of the night. We had both decided that we could pick up the pace. I was going a bit faster than I was at the beginning.

It took her awhile to adjust to the sudden intrusion the first time, but other than that, it felt fucking amazing to be with her.

With a grunt, I came shortly after. I pulled out and faced her. A small smile painted her features.

"That was," she paused for a breath, "great. Amazing, I don't know what it was, honestly, but ... I liked it, John."

I smirked, "Well, I'm glad you liked it, Darling, but, uh, did you want to spend the night. I mean, it's like what, ten-twenty P.M.?"

Nodding, she looked around the room, "I'd like that, but, uh, I need to call home to tell my brothers where I am. You still have the extra bags of clothes I left here last time I came over, right?" She asked while looking for her phone.

"Yeah, yeah, it's in the closet, Y/N/N."

"Perfect,"

She kissed me quickly then opened the closet, got some of her clothes, took her phone with her, and left the room.

As she was calling home, I looked around my bedroom. There were fluids and the remains of Y/N’s orgasms left on the sheets. So, while she was phone , I took the liberty of changing the sheets on my bed as well as removing the condom I was still wearing. I had just finished cleaning up when she walked back in, now in a New York themed pajama set.

"Hey,"

"Hey, so, can you, uh stay over?" I asked, wanting to know if I could have her stay for just a while longer.

"Yep, or at least I think. I couldn't really tell due to Laf's squealing." Y/N deadpanned while she put her phone away.

I shook my head with a smile of my face, "Oh really, who's he fangirling over this time?"

"Us,"

A/N Hello from the other side, first time writing smut of any type. I hope it wasn't too much detail.

2135 Words.

Okay, maybe I got a little carried away with this chapter. Consider it a gift for me not posting often guys.

#john laurens x reader #hamilton #x reader #thomas jeffershit #lafayeet #lafayette #john laurens #anon #broadway

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keeroo92 · 5 years

Text

Tumblr Tips You Probably Already Know

So I don’t know about you guys, but for me learning how tumblr works was a pain in the ass. I thought it might be handy to share a few tricks I’ve picked up the last few months for anyone who needs them. Bear in mind I’m still extremely new at this, and not all blogs would benefit from my amateur advice. I’m posting this just in case one of you guys are as frustrated and annoyed as I was at the beginning.

First - Adding a “Keep Reading” divider

Why to do it - If you post a lot of longer stories, viewers will be forced to scroll through the entire post to see anything further on their feed. While this might seem like a good way to get people to read your work, it can become a hindrance if people don’t have the time to read and are forced to either suck it up and scroll, or unfollow you.

How to do it -

When you are preparing to post (Text post) just hit “Enter”. You should see a few icons on the right of where you’re currently typing, like this.

The icon on the far right will insert a divider that can be dragged to anywhere you like, and when you post it will create one of these -

Readers will need to click to view the full post. I don’t know if there’s a way to create these with any other type of post, but it’s something I learned after an Anon asked me to please use the tool. (Thank you Anon!!!)

My personal preference is to also list the word count above the cut off, so that my readers have a rough idea how much time they might need to finish reading. If you aren’t sure what your word count is, you can paste your work here and find out - https://wordcounter.net/

Some programs have something like this built in as well.

Timing your post

Why to do it - Like any site, tumblr has peaks and valleys of activity. I did a little bit of poking around and found that the most active time of day is between 4pm and 10pm Eastern. If you are trying to maximize the number of people who see your post, it may help to post during this window.

How to do it - I’m pretty terrible about dong this, but when you’re preparing a post, you can schedule when it appears by clicking the drop down menu on the post button, here.

A small menu should open, like this.

The schedule can be annoying to work with, since it requires a specific format of date. Again, I suck at this, but I’ve noticed if it doesn’t like what I put in the post only refuses to submit.

The post will not even minimize, so you won’t lose your work. (I still recommend keeping a copy elsewhere just in case!!!) Here’s what it looks like -

This menu will also appear when you reblog a previous post, so you can schedule your reblogs with ease.

Opinions vary on whether reblogs actually do any good, but that’s for you to decide for yourselves. Both these scheduling features can be extremely helpful if you won’t be able to post for a few days (vacation, illness, etc.) but you don’t want your blog to stagnate.

Creating a Masterlist

Why to do it - Once you have a few pieces of writing posted, you want people to be able to find them, right? A Masterlist puts links to all your work in one place, like a Table of Contents. Someone just finding your blog can go through everything you’ve written to date and binge it all at once, or just a few to decide if they really want to follow you.

How to do it - Here’s a link to an in-depth tutorial. I’ll summarize below as well.

Start with a new text post. You’ll want to have an idea of how to organize your stuff in advance. I chose to do mine based off of the main pairing, but I’ve seen others go by the date of the post or type of post. You can do it however you like.

Next, list out everything you can think of. It’s fine if you don’t have a full list, you can always go back and add more later. Make sure you put everything in the right category.

Now the annoying part - linking! Every post you make has its own page, and you’ll need to copy the full URL. There’s a million ways to do it, but I just scrolled through my post history with a tag filter on and opened/copied each one in turn. It can be time consuming if you have a lot of posts, though.

Once you have the URL copied, find the line on your masterlist you want to use and highlight it.. Here’s an example.

Now, click on the little figure eight thing I circled. It’ll open a spot for you to paste the URL, like so.

Once it’s in there, click “Done” on the right side of the bubble to save the link. It’ll add a blue line under the text to show where people can click to follow the link. Repeat this until you’ve got each item linked up!

Go ahead and post it, and grab the URL for the masterlist itself. Navigate to your profile and click the little painter’s palette to edit your blog’s appearance. Mine is in the upper right corner, I don’t know if that’s standard.

On the left side of your screen, a new window should open where you can change all kinds of settings. Scroll down to find the custom link section. I’m not sure if every theme has this feature, so you may need to pick a new one to do this. Here’s what mine looks like.

Make whatever changes you like, but make sure you hit “Save” at the top of the window. You might want to check your profile to make sure it looks the way you want it to, but that should be all you need! Be sure to update your masterlist regularly. If you ever discover a line is missing the blue line underneath to show it’s a link, that likely means the link is broken. Generally, you can fix this by redoing the URL paste step above.

A few handy sites -

https://fanlore.org/wiki/Main_Page

If you feel a bit overwhelmed by the number of fannish words you aren’t familiar with, you can find most here. Great way to deepen your understanding and also make sure you’re tagging the right genre’s!

https://prowritingaid.com/en/Analysis/WebEditor/Go

This site is amazing. They have all kinds of editing tools, too many to list in one post. The main idea here is if you want to analyze your writing, this site does it for free. There’s a 500 word limit unless you want to spend a little money, but IMO it’s worth trying out. However, it can’t tell you your style or identify deliberate grammatical errors. Take it’s advice with a grain of salt, and don’t blindly do everything it says. You will lose what makes your writing unique if you do.

https://write-it-motherfuckers.tumblr.com/

HOLY PROMPTS, BATMAN!!! Seriously, this blog has so many amazing ideas it’s ridiculous. If you want to find a new plot or crazy AU, this WILL give you ideas!

https://writeordie.com/

A great tool for breaking through writer’s block! This site allows you to set a timer and word count, and program sounds to make should you reach/miss your goal. Not for everyone, but I like it for when I have tons of ideas but just can’t settle on one. Best part is it doesn’t delete your work after the time runs out, so you can copy it anywhere you like!

https://ao3commentoftheday.tumblr.com/

This blog is fantastic for any random questions you might have regarding fanfic. They answer things from how to write a chat fic, to how to write an ASL character, to where to find references on how to write a car chase. Truly amazing stuff!

And last lil thing - HAVE FUN!!!!

(Also, sorry if this whole post reads unkindly or in a condescending tone, that is NOT how I mean any of this! I’m not perfect and still have so much to learn, honestly just wanted to share on the off chance it’s useful to someone else.)

#writing stuff #tips and tricks #tumblr tips #writing tips #how to do stuff #useful info #i hope?#idk #this stuff took me way too long to learn #you guys are probably smarter than me

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batwynn · 5 years

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Basic tips on handling Harassment/Bullying on Tumblr

Anyway, here is some basic advice for people handling harassment on this site in particular. Please remember that, with any advice, there can be flaws. This is based on my personal experiences, and is not a uniform way to handle this for every situation or person.

Before we even get to numbering some tips, I personally want to tell you that whatever bullying or harassment is going on is NOT YOUR FAULT and if you don’t feel equipped to handle this situation at all, please immediately reach out to a parent/guardian, an authority figure, a therapist, a more equipped friend, etc. Please try to someone who can help you. You shouldn’t have to handle this on your own. And if you can’t find someone or just don’t have anyone, I’m around a good part of the day and I’ll reply to messages within 1-3 hours at the most during the day and within 12 or so hours if you contact me at night. (I’m at Eastern Standard Time) I will do my best to advise you or even just be an ear for you. If I can’t help, I will direct you to the best person I know of who can.

To friends of those being harassed or bullied: Please try to keep an eye on your friends in general, and reach out (If you can) if you see bullying posts or see them responding to cruel anons. They might not know you can or will help, or might feel isolated and forced to try to handle the situation on their own. If you feel that you can help, even just to support them, then please reach out. It’s important, though, to remember that if you don’t know how to help, it’s okay to say that and direct them to someone else. If you aren’t in a place where you can help, it’s okay to say that. It’s better to let them know this, so they can find someone else to speak to about it.

Content warning: Mentions of suicidal thoughts, bullying, harassment, DOXXING.

Basic tips on handling harassment on Tumblr:

1: I know a lot of advice tells you to isolate yourself, lest you give a bully any opportunity to harass you. I always disliked this kind of advice, but I also sometimes use this advice when I don’t feel mentally or physically able to handle any kind of negative situation at the time. If you are not in a position to deal with potential cruel anons, I highly recommend you turn off the anon option in your inbox. Your friends and kind people are typically more likely to send you messages with their account showing. Even if this lowers your chances of receiving anonymous nice messages, it also protects you from a lot of potential hate messages. Most bullies love to hide behind anonymity, and will abuse this function to no end. If you aren’t prepared to handle that (as I advise later), you should keep it off until you are. I know this is technically a form of limiting yourself, but this is meant more as a ‘take care of your mental health first’, then see where you’re at and turn it on when you feel ready. The anon feature can be really great, when it’s used for positive things or people asking for help/advice while keeping themselves protected. But it’s important to remember that you are the only one who can gauge what you are comfortable with or prepared to handle. [IE: I’ve had a lot of people talking about wanting to die in anon messages, and if that’s triggering to you that can be bad but also: Unless you’re a professional in the field of mental health, this isn’t a situation you are really equipped to deal with.]

2: Dealing with Pile-Ons or multiple/single cruel anon messages. These happen a lot. Far too often, to be honest. A lot of us have been in this situation, and some of us have been on the piling side of the situation. Ever see a bad take on here and feel the urge to message them directly to let them know it’s a bad take? Yeah, a lot of people have felt that way, and a lot actually follow through. Now, even if this person is saying really awful stuff, what you’re doing is technically taking part in a Pile-On. I’m not saying you’re wrong to disagree or let this person know that what they’re saying is harmful or bad, but don’t be fooled into thinking you’re the only one messaging them.

Now, being on the other side of this, especially when you didn’t say anything harmful and people are just being awful (Or, for example, you accidentally say something that isn’t correct and instead of one or two people politely letting you know that you’re wrong so you can change, the entire website decides you must die.) it just really stinks. It’s stressful beyond belief, it’s really hard to manage, and sometimes it can go on for years. (See: a certain artist in a certain TV show fandom I won’t mention.) This is a bit of a process, and a lot of it might feel like you’re giving up or giving them some kind of ‘win’, but that’s not what it is.

Part A: Take a moment to stop the head-spinning anxiety of a sudden mass-assault. It’s a LOT, and it can be seriously damaging to even the thickest-skinned individuals. Take a step back, close Tumblr, take some deep breaths, find someone to talk to about the situation, or go to safe space where you can relax for a moment. IMPORTANT: Please don’t be afraid to reach out to a parent/guardian, friends, etc to handle the situation for you. If you trust someone with your information or account, it’s okay to let them take these steps for you. You are NOT weak for doing this.

Part B: Block IP addresses of anon bullies. First and foremost, always remember you can block people. It might seem like a form of ‘giving in’ or whatever, and maybe the ragelords of the internet like to chortle and cheer when they get blocked by someone they’re harassing, but honestly that’s more an act than actual happiness that they’re blocked. They aren’t happy you cut them off mid-rant. They aren’t happy they can’t hurt you anymore. You stopped them from reaching you, and now they are forced out of their comfortable space where they can sit there and harass you all day long. They actually have to DO something else, either harass someone else (unfortunately) or find another way to reach you (unfortunately part 2). A lot of these people do stop after they are blocked, especially when you block their IP address. (Which is what happens when you block an anon person harassing you.) You can find this option under the anon message as three dots in your inbox on the computer ONLY. (mobile does not have this option, only ‘delete’.) I highly recommend you do this early on, especially if you’re dealing with a ‘pile-on’ situation. Because each anon could be one person, or five. Blocking the anon IP address will cut down on a wave of messages from a single person, and give you a chance to start working on the next person.

Note: You CAN report harassment in your inbox, but they usually only do something if they’re harassing you off anon. (I never had any luck reporting anon messages in the past. Idk if this has changed.) If they are harassing you with their account visible, go to ‘Reporting’ below, and follow the report directions.

If you want to engage, for whatever reason you want to, I still highly recommend you block them. For engagement, I suggest taking a screen shot of the message(s) before blocking and making a response post. This way they have no way to respond or even see the content, and you can say whatever you wish in response to the harassment if you wish to. This does not stop them from getting friends to share the content with them, or making another account on another IP address to continue to harass you. I would generally not encourage engaging, but I also can’t honestly say not to when I have done so, myself. I understand the urge, I understand wanting to get your side out there or to explain yourself. It’s your right to. But always try to consider the situation before doing so.

Part C: Moving forward. Depending on the reason why the pile-on started, sometimes taking a break from Tumblr can really help. Once people get their rage out, or scroll past the post, a lot of the time they move on. [I can 100% say that this is NOT ALWAYS THE CASE] This, again, is a difficult situation that doesn’t really have one simple trick to handle. Some cases end up being so bad that people have had to contact the police, and some are handled after reporting accounts to the Tumblr staff. Some people simply delete the ‘offending post/comment’ and move on, and some people post an amendment in a lot of cases of accidental miss-information. Honestly, it’s really up to you how you handle the ‘cause’ itself, but in regards to anon messaging, it’s typically best to simple block their IP address and not engage.

3: How to report harassing blog posts. Is someone posting ‘receipts’ or screen shots of your content on their blog and writing nasty rants about you? This is a case of ick that I really hate dealing with, because it typically means relying on Tumblr staff which are… notoriously unhelpful, in some cases. (See: Why Are There Still Millions of Nazis On This Site?) In this case, make sure you can still access their blog and see their content. If they have blocked you, ask a friend to help you or make a second account simply to get the post link for a report. You can find this link under the post in the feed with the ‘arrow’ looking button under the post. You want the ‘Permalink’. You might also need screen shots of the posts, so try to grab those as well as the direct link to the post. At this point, you will need to venture into the Tumblr reporting area, which is often changing and half the time you can’t find it, so depending on when you see this post, it might be best to check this out yourself.

On the computer: Use this form: https://www.tumblr.com/abuse

(You can also use this form if you sign in on Tumblr on Safari/GoogleChrome on your phone.)

On mobile: Go to Account—>General Settings—>Report Abuse—>I’m being harassed (or whichever option seems more appropriate)

From there they will advise you on blocking and other advice on how to handle it without them getting involved. If these work for you, great! If not, continue to: ‘If the block feature has not solved this issue, you can report here.’ Be ready with your links, if there are any, or select the ‘being harassed in inbox’ option if you are receiving harassing messages in your inbox. They will email you an automated response almost immediately, in most cases, and you will probably have to wait around a week for an actual response depending on the situation and if they’re busy or whatever the staff are doing at the time. Until then, I highly recommend you block the person harassing you, if only to cut off their access to your content.

4: DOXXING. What is it? This is when your personal information is sought out, collected, then posted publicly for all to see. It’s an incredibly dangerous thing to happen to you, especially if you are a minor or in any situation where that information could be used against you. (So basically all the time.) It’s also so overwhelming and scary that a lot of the time it can simply shut you down.

IMPORTANT REMINDER 1: If your life is in immediate danger, remove yourself from the address/space that was revealed and contact the police as soon as possible.

IMPORTANT REMINDER 2: If you do not feel equipped to handle this situation, please do not feel like you can’t ask for help!

The first thing I’ve seen a lot of DOXXED people do is get the post(s) with the information taken down as fast as possible. In this case, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook staff are usually quicker to respond and assist with removing the post, especially if you are a minor. On Tumblr, use this form: https://www.tumblr.com/abuse

If you are a minor, at this point I highly recommend you speak to a parent or guardian or someone with authority about what’s going on. They will need to know if this information is out, and how to handle your safety at home or any location that was disclosed. A lot of cases involve the police at one point or another, so, unfortunately, be ready to sit there and be asked a bunch of questions.

An important part of handling this situation, if and when you have the post(s) taken down, is making sure your information is secure. This means checking potential sources, data leaks (You can use several sites to find if your info has been leaked, but CreditKarma offers a basic service for this. They basically let you know if you have an email or password that’s been released.) possible friends or family who were spoken to, old profiles that weren’t set to private, etc. Finding the source is a good way to stop the leak of information. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop the person who already HAS the information. This is when it gets tricky, because in most cases simply reporting the person doesn’t tend to stop them. Their account can be removed, they can be blocked from sites, etc. But if they’re really determined, they can make other accounts and get that information out there. This is, again, really when the police should be involved.

At this point, a lot of professionals suggest locking down accounts and phone numbers that have been released. I know this might feel like giving in, and that they ‘win’, but this is really more about your safety and mental security than anything else. If you can, use a backup account to talk to friends/family/etc and to keep an eye on the situation if you feel up to the task.

5: Continued harassment spread across the net. If the harassment continues outside of this site: Start by blocking and reporting on other sites and see if that helps first. At this point, though, it’s a good idea to consider talking to an adult (if you’re a minor) and consider the possibility of contacting the police. Most importantly, don’t listen to anyone tell you that because this is the internet, it’s not having real consequences on you. This is serious, and they need to treat it seriously.

Contacting the police or a person of authority is kind of a daunting experience for anyone, but it can be especially hard when we’re told from all angles that ‘whatever is on the internet isn’t real’. That we can just block and ignore it, and go on with our lives. So, I’m saying this right now: I can’t promise the person of authority that you contact will take this seriously. I simply can’t promise that, because I don’t know what they are like or what the believe.

But if the bullying/harassment is damaging you, if it is going on too long, if it’s spreading across social media platforms, if they’re sharing your personal information, if they’re threatening you in ANY way, if you feel unsafe, if you feel suicidal, if you can’t get it to stop: Please find someone and contact them.

#bullying #harassment #online harassment #reporting #tumblr #tw: sucide mention

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formerlyrunephoenix6769 · 6 years

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oh wow.. so @branwenrose

I sent a rather lovely ask to do with their comment of Unicorn of War’s rewrite. As they were getting annoyed about the amount of curious asks they were receiving.

I deliberately didnt do it on anon as I wished to show that there was no malicious intent behind it, (I even sent them a second ask just to make sure that they understood my position and explained why I didnt say it on anon) Given the limited amount of characters in an ask,

My comment was, and im paraphrasing. “ What did you expect to happen? When you leave a comment on a non problematic and much loved RWBY youtubers videos, doing vids from a place of love, people are going to be curious and send you asks. (Regardless on my own thoughts about rewrites, UOW is one of few that Im willing to entertain. They are well thought out and add avenues , not take away) This is what happens when you grapple with the internet, people are going to be curious.”

“If you are going to poke a cuddly bear with a stick expect to reply with unwavering conviction, patience or honey.”

I suggested that if they were annoyed at the number of asks coming in, maybe turn off asks for a while, as UOW is very popular and they were bound to continue receiving curious asks (I genuinely hope that none of UOW’s fanbase sent them hate.)

Yes, I understand that in the medium of text and with limited characters that tone and inflection can be lost, hence why the second ask to make sure that my intent was not misconstrued.

Their rebuttal to friendly, non malicious advice was to reply to the ask and promptly blocking me, not even giving me time to even read the reply.

So if anyone is out there and sees my ask or their reply, please understand that I sent a second one stating my lack of malicious intent, if @branwenrose doesnt publish it.

And I wasnt given the opportunity to reply to their comment on the first ask.

If anyone is friends with @branwenrose, and you read this, feel free to comment, though I am not demanding or encouraging anyone to pass this along as her wish is to be respected.

“Im sorry you took it the wrong way and got the wrong end of the stick. I was simply attempting to give friendly advice in the most concise way due to the medium with which communication was presented. I genuinely hope that you dont receive any hate from anyone. Everyone is entitled to express their opinion on a subject, such as preference of not liking rewrites in general, and I agree with you, most folks who suggests rewrites are frothing at the mouth to shove their own headcanons into the narrative and yes, that ought to be kept to fanfiction etc etc.

I despise most rewrites because of exactly that.

However, UOW is not one of those people. If you give their RWBY rewrites, esp Vol 5 , a chance I think you might be surprised at how rich the UOW rewrite is.

It is not taking away from the show, or shitting on it. UOW is one of a handful of RWBY youtubers who actually doesnt do that. He loves the shows, genuinely loves the show. And the care and attention to detail in the rewrites shows that. He does not take away from the show, he adds to it and presents different avenues by which the narrative that is already there, is presented.”

I will not be posting this underneath @branwenrose’s comment on youtube, though I have been encouraged to, as I respect the choice she made on this platform, and therefore other social media platforms are given the same consideration.

Which gets to another point

A friendly reminder to anyone that makes statements or opinions on anyone’s social media that may go against the OP’s views.

Be aware that there is a cause and effect when making a comment or expressing an opinion, esp on a blog/platform of a very popular person.

Be prepared for a backlash, esp if its an inflammatory comment.

Its going to happen.

If you suddenly find your inbox flooded with asks/comments, you are under no obligation to reply to any of them, esp if they are nasty.

You can turn off the ask box.

But dont be naive enough to think that making a comment or statement wont result in curious questions or in some cases inflame people. If you put a comment out there, dont expect everyone to agree with you and then get upset when people make it known that they dont.

If you are inviting a discussion or debate by expressing a difference of opinion, which you are as soon as you make a public comment, you cant then suddenly cry foul when it does not go your way.

As I said above,

“If you are going to poke a cuddly bear with a stick expect to reply with unwavering conviction, patience or honey.”

In the famous words of the Scouts and Girl Guides,

“Be prepared!”

However, You DO NOT have to tolerate nastiness, thats what the real use of the block button is for.

#rwby #rwby rewrites #rwby rewrites discourse #unicorn of war

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fatphobiabusters · 7 years

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Any advice on starting a fat positive blog?

1. Be prepared for hatemail. Lots of it. It might be a good idea to consider turning the inbox off or not turning on anon, but since many people are going to want to message you privately for advice or to tell you their story, having those options available is nice for them. It gets super exhausting and triggering to deal with all the bullshit, so don’t be afraid to do what is best for you.

2. Use that block button! Don’t give people the satisfaction of tearing you apart. Keep yourself safe.

3. Have a super cool name and icon you’re proud of that other people will love! When you love your blog and it is totally an expression of you, other people will respond really positively to it!

4. Follow really great fat positive blogs for inspiration and share their posts, but don’t be afraid to make your own! You have lots of great things to say, even if you don’t realize it yet.

5. Make sure your blog theme is easy to read and very accessible! You never know who might try to look at it, so keep people with disabilities in mind!

6. Caption your images! Remember, some people can’t read what they say, either because they can’t read, the image is hard to see, their internet is too slow to load it, or they’re blind! Captions allow for people to enjoy images just as much as someone who can see them and read them easily. Make sure you both say what the text says and describe the text (Is it bold? Italic? White? Black?) and background image. You don’t have to be too detailed; just enough that other people are confident that they know what the image is.

7. Tag for triggers! You never know what might be triggering to someone, so it’s a good idea to just tag as many things in the post as you can. Also tag for potential phobias.

8. Tag gifs so people are aware! Some people try to avoid gifs because they may cause seizures.

9. Be intersectional! If your positivity is helpful to only white, cisgender, straight, middle class, small fats, then it’s not really positivity, is it? There should never be a race limit, class limit, size limit, age limit, gender limit, etc. on loving yourself and your body!

10. Be open to criticism! Even the most seasoned of activists mess up from time to time! You might say something you think is really positive that is actually super hurtful. That’s okay, just apologize and don’t make the same mistake again.

11. Listen to others! As an activist, you are never done learning. There is always another group you could learn more about, another form of oppression to consider, another injustice to correct. You’re never done. It’s overwhelming, but don’t worry! Learning only makes you a better activist and person in the end, so don’t shy away from it.

12. Be willing to educate others, but never at the expense of your own mental health! It isn’t your job to educate anyone, especially people who don’t want to learn. So don’t be afraid to say, “I’m not going to help this person. They don’t want to learn.” Sometimes it’s better to pick your battles and save your energy for those who deserve it!

13. Have a good tagging system! It’s super helpful for your followers if they can look up specific tags and find whatever they’re looking for without having to ask. Tag, for example, sources and masterposts and the like, so people can find any sources you share that are of aide to them without having to ask you! It’ll also make it easier for you to find stuff later!

14. Treat your followers with love and respect! It should be a happy, open environment, a safe space for people to feel good about themselves! Appreciate your followers. Be kind to them. Only demand as much is fair from them. Listen to them. Aide them. Be there for them. But again, don’t sacrifice your mental health to do it!

15. It’s okay to step away from the computer! Queue some posts and go sit down and do homework or rest or whatever you need to do. Real life comes first. If you can’t blog today, it’s not the end of the world.

16. Practice self care! Like I said, this can be exhausting! Sometimes it’s good to just relax and make sure you’re doing okay.

17. Be honest with your followers! Don’t ever tell them what they want to hear if it’s not the truth. Have an open dialouge with them.

18. Don’t answer a question you can’t, or don’t have the authority to answer. It’s okay to say, “I am not the person to ask,” “I have no authority on this subject,” “This isn’t a topic on which I can give any input,” etc. For example, if you’re white like I am, answering race questions might not be for you. It’s okay to say, “I am privileged in this area, and therefore, I don’t know the answer because this issue doesn’t affect me.” Only answer questions you feel you can.

19. As a privileged person, use your voice to amplify the voices of people without that privilege! Share their posts, repeat the things they’ve said, share sources written by them, etc.

20. Research! Sometimes people will ask you a question where Google will be of great service. Don’t be afraid to look things up, or find sources that explain things better than you could, or find answers that you don’t already have. Google is your friend!

21. Don’t disclose information about yourself you don’t want to disclose. No one needs to know things you aren’t willing to tell them. You aren’t obligated to share your life story or all your mental illnesses or anything else. If someone demands to know something you don’t want to tell them, it’s okay to say no. To say it’s none of their business.

22. Think before you type. Remember that other people won’t always understand what you’re trying to say, might misinterpret what you’re saying, and might even try to twist your words around to use them against you. Be thoughtful and mindful of how people might precieve your words and think hard about what you’re trying to convey. You don’t have to answer anyone right away, so it’s okay to go slowly and really try your best to write out a decent, thoughtful response. But again, don’t exhaust yourself, okay?

This is all one big balancing act between taking care of others and yourself. Try not to let the scales tip too far one way. It’s okay to put yourself first.

I think that covers most of my advice. Anyone else want to add something?

-Mod Bella

#Ask #Asked and Answered

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getpregnant-blog1 · 5 years

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How Can Adult Children Relieve Tension?

New Post has been published on http://www.karanschmidt.com/2019/05/27/how-can-adult-children-relieve-tension/

How Can Adult Children Relieve Tension?

Continual exposure, during the two decades of an adult child’s upbringing, to fear, trauma, abuse, and survival-oriented reactions created by parental dysfunction, alcoholism, and abuse prime him for significant, sometimes chronic tension, even later in life when triggers spark earlier, unresolved incidents or he is confronted with circumstances those from safe, secure, and stable homes may not perceive e as so daunting. What, then, is tension?

A psychological manifestation and sensation, it can be perceived as an internal tightness, resulting in elevated heart and blood pressure levels and the release of stress hormones. Like a giant, interior rubber band, it deludes the person into believing that it stretches to its maximum length, leaving him to believe that if something is not done to release its tenacity, it will imminently snap. At other times, it feels as if his brain were in an ever tightening vice. An adult child assuredly experienced these “on the edge” sensations during a major portion of his childhood, as the mere entry into the room of his controlling parent caused him to retreat within himself, cease all pleasurable focuses, and prepare for the next blame, shame, or harm. Tension can be the uncomfortable internal state that alerts: Something is about to happen! Get ready for it!

Later-in-life tension, despite the absence of the rigid parent and even a departure from the person’s home environment, can be self-created for four principle reasons.

1). A perceived obstacle to the attainment or successful completion of a goal or endeavor, which can be considered significant and important.

2). A conscious or subconscious perception that a person, place, or thing poses a potential threat and approximates the detrimental circumstances of his upbringing, such as an authority figure, who represents the displaced image of his parent.

3). The resultant consequences if the physical, mental, and/or emotional obstacle is not surmounted so that the goal can be reached, whether that goal be sheer safety or an actual accomplishment of some type.

4). The inability to triumph over the restriction.

I once asked someone which would create more tension about passing a college course and attaining his degree-the ability to write his name on a piece of paper or the requirement to research and write a 20-page term pager, use at least five sources, and do so in under an hour? The latter, obviously, carries three of the tension-creating elements: the need to complete a significant goal (write the term paper), the consequences of that inability (failure of the course), and the impossibility of doing so in a sixty-minute interval.

I doubt that writing a person’s name on a piece of paper to pass a university-level class would produce very much tension for anyone.

Already a cultivated victim, having had parental abuse or even insanity demonstrated as indicative of human behavior, and diminished in resources and development, an adult child may create an even deeper tension when confronted with certain aspects of life that carry these elements, discovering that the more he thinks his way into his helpless ability to overcome his obstacles, the more inhibited he becomes in overcoming them. He eventually forces himself into a mentally imposed prison and throws away the key.

Examination of my own tensions indicates that my subconscious is usually superimposing a present-time situation on an unresolved past-time incident, regenerating the inner child retreat, who was assuredly powerless, helpless, and tool-less, along with the fears, danger, traumas, incapacitations, and immobilizations experienced during its time of necessary creation.

Surmounting obstacles as an adult with these inabilities as a child, needless to say, creates tremendous tension, as the former states, “I have to prevail over this,” but the latter replies, “I can’t. I don’t know how!”

The more he tries, the greater becomes tension’s grip, until he is jammed by it.

Tension’s solutions, which can perhaps more accurately be labeled “tension’s relievers,” are many, but all depend upon the amount of recovery and the ability to pause and assess which of the three brain areas the person is operating from: the brain stem (amygdala-induced reactions), mid (emotions), or upper (logic, reasoning, and executive functioning). That “stop and think” strategy could be the threshold to varying degrees of release and relief, and can threshold several successful strategies.

The adult child, first and foremost, must realize that his past, tension-building reactions most likely never worked before and therefore will not work now. Instead, they will only tighten their grip on him.

Indeed, the solution is paradoxically not tightening his hold on its resign, but instead releasing it and surrendering it to a Higher Power, as he realizes that he is too limited and restricted to find all solutions within him. Because he was forced to do exactly that during his upbringing in the midst of deficient, abandoning parents, it may require significant recovery and “turning over” attempts before he is successful with the effort.

“‘Let go and let God ‘teaches us to release problems that trouble and confuse us because we are not able to solve them by ourselves,” according to Al-Anon’s “Courage to Change” text (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 321).

The adult child must realize that his unresolved childhood issues and the helplessness they now generate are only blocking him and thus causing his tension build-up, not reduction.

Tantamount to understanding his tension-producing stressors is the determination of their intensity and severity. If they are particularly amplified and out-of-proportion for the emotions they create, then he can suspect that his past is playing out in his present without his awareness. Consideration of when he had similar feelings, particularly during his upbringing, may time-peg the incident and re-shelve it, considerably relieving his tension.

When I have used this method, my abusive father’s image has appeared and with that realization the tension has subsided, because I found myself chewing on an earlier-life episode that was feeding the fires of the later-in-life one.

There are several other tension relieving methods, whose effectiveness, based upon personal experience, has varied according to occasion and intensity.

When my internal circuit breaker seems like it is about to pop, the energy that causes it can be diffused or dissipated by speaking either with a sponsor or a trusted friend.

“Many of us have discovered that the telephone can be a life line between meetings,” according to “Courage to Change” (ibid, p. 116). “… A particularly useful time for Al-Anon phone calls is when we are preparing to do something new or frightening. Many of us ‘book-end’ these actions. We make an Al-Anon call before taking the action and we follow (it) with a second call. For those of us who have always acted alone, there is a way to share our risks and our courage with others who will love and support us, no matter what happens.”

Another relieving method is pressing the personal “pause” button by interrupting the building intensity with other, more pleasurable activities or focuses. Like a loop, tensions continually run the same circular track in the brain and heavy emotions ensure that they remain impressed into it, unable to locate the happier “off ramp.”

“Sometimes a horse refuses to obey a rider’s command and races out of control,” advises “Courage to Change” (ibid, p. 306). “My thoughts can do this too, when I frantically try, over and over, to solve a difficult problem… When my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop. I need to do this by breathing deeply and looking at my surroundings. It can help to replace the obsessive thoughts with something positive… “

Awareness of the mind’s thoughts and refocusing on external stimuli is known as “mindfulness.”

Light music, a comedy television show, taking a drive, and communing with nature, particularly on a warm, spring day, have all aided me in releasing my mind’s grip from tension’s track.

“When I’m trying to tackle a tough problem or cope with a stressful situation, and I’ve done all I can for the moment, what then?” asks “Courage to Change” (ibid, p. 290). “I can do something that will nurture my mind, body, or spirit. Perhaps I’ll take a walk or listen to music.”

During such walks, I myself have gazed up toward and temporarily immersed myself in the sky’s infinity, realizing how small I and my tension-provoking problems really are in relation to it all.

At times I also think of the friends and relatives who had once been a part of my life, but who are no longer in life, and wonder how important my concerns are in relation to their eternal existences now. How many, I can only ask myself, care that 20 or so years ago, when they were alive, that they had had a “bad hair day?” How, then, can I continue to view my own worries and trepidations with any degree of lasting severity?

As these efforts enable me to adopt new perspectives, my tensions-and the circumstances that cause them-begin to dissolve. I stand on the physical platform designated earth and negotiate the life I have been given in my imperfect and impermanent state the best way I can until someday, like those who preceded me, my cares and concerns will collapse into meaninglessness.

Sources:

“Courage to Change.” Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992.

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