#tw calico jack

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Welcome back Calico Jack posting with your host Jamie. This one's gonna be a huge flop it's a little unhinged.

So when we were talking about Mary Read/Anne Bonny/Calico Jack femdom this morning I had a thought about Jack's sexuality. Head canon time but I've decided that his gay homophobia clashes with his sexual preferences and his hedonism and debauchery in such a way that, despite having homophobic tendencies, his type is the gayest people on earth. He wants to try getting hard core dommed but he would feel weird about doing it with a man because of his homophobic tendencies like that so he finds himself a bisexual with a preference for women who has the best strap game on the seven seas. He's a huge sadist and he takes that shit out on the most submissive men he can find *coughs*Iggy Toes*coughs* Edward "whip my balls, someone please hold me" Teach is the most masc man he's ever been with I can feel it. I also know that Jack wants the crop tops shorter and likes the eyeliner. He comes off like a masc 4 masc douchebag but I don't buy it modern au Jack has a folder full of femboy porn on his computer right next to the femdom folder. His favorite physical feature on Izzy is his above average man tits if he could just get Izzy to be less repressed for 5 seconds he would [redacted]. He's into men but he wants to be the man in the relationship and he's into women who are into the same things that he's into (both sexually and in terms of activities). He's trying to get it as gay as he can get it without shattering his fragile masculinity. Bisexual cowboy frat boys go to therapy challenge (don't actually you're so much funnier this way).

[factual-fantasy]

So after sinking 6+ hours into some projects, I felt justified to indulge in what ever angst I so pleased as a break. Naturally some Octodads trauma was the one I went with <XDD

But its not just the usual drama and angst that made me draw them. Something I really like about this Octodads thing is the idea where you've got 3 grown men who've all been alone for years. They've been through some serious trauma and pain, but they all had to face it alone. No one was ever there for them. They had no choice but to either bottle it up or try to deal with it themselves. Which hasn't gone well for any of them-

Now they're all in a position where they have people who not only care and want to listen, they understand their pain. They've all been through something horrible, and they're able to lean on each other in a way they've never leaned on anyone else before. Idk something about these guys facing their trauma but now having someone there to support them after all these years alone is really nice to me. 😭😭

Of course I just show the sad parts though, and not the actual resolution afterwards ASKDJNSLDVLN

ALSO these were supposed to be simple sketches with grey backgrounds. But here I am at the butt crack of dawn posting this. Whoops- (ALSO ALSO more dramatic version of a drawing below :0)

[bloomeng]

wooooo lesbian au body headcanons (everyone cheered)

(small warning for non-sexual nudity)

[blakbonnet]

OFMD + Antagonists Getting Their Comeuppance

[mermaidlighthouse]

Ok so I’m gonna recenter the “indestructible little fucker” moment around Ed…yes it’s obviously directed at Izzy and in a literal sense about Izzy but it’s also about what Izzy represents in Ed’s life, Blackbeard, it’s just further confirmation that the only escape for Ed from the persona of Blackbeard, the darkness, is his own death

Even when he thinks it’s gone, when he believes it’s dead, it’s comes back and hurts him…

From Ed’s perspective, he’s tried allowing himself to find the fun in pirating again when he’s teaching Stede and found that when he’s exposed to the darker elements (Calico Jack) he’ll fall right back into the old patterns, he tried doing what just makes Ed happy and it left him broken, he’s tried accepting that even if his dream of running away with Stede and leaving the past behind didn’t work he can still be Ed and while still dealing with his heartbreak is told Ed’s not good enough

He’s exhausted and depressed and he just wants to be Ed but past experience says that’s never gonna happen, even when he’s imagining his idealized versions of himself (the rich fancy man, the innkeeper) he uses the cover of Jeff because Ed’s not good enough for those things…

Ed’s also offered the outside iteration of Blackbeard (Izzy) the opportunity to kill him and even that escape from the pain, suffering, and darkness wasn’t given

So when Izzy appears and shoots him, it proves that Blackbeard is a looming spectre he can’t evade or outmaneuver, it’s indestructible. And it’s further justification for his decision to remove himself from the equation.

[spoofaloofa]

pov you ask some dumbass old man catboy how he got shot

[something-about-sunflowers]

Many Thoughts, Head Full over the tattoo bombshell Con dropped so just. Stream of consciousness here. (If you saw me say this all in discord: Hi, I'm still thinking about this 💚😭)

Being on his wrist and partially covered by the glove? That's where he kept the 'unicorn' note. Whether we think the tattoo/ring is for a lover or his mother or whoever, it was clearly someone he cared about or he wouldn't still have the ring and wouldn't have gotten the tattoo in the first place, even if he's tried to get rid of it since.

He tucked the 'unicorn' note into the glove, right where he keeps his love.

Being on his WRIST and covered with 'cuts and scars and scabs' makes me think the gunshot wasn't the first time Izzy's tried to kill himself. Not even the first time over someone he loved.

That Con specifically said 'cuts' (Which, tbf could just be an unconscious choice of word and not as thought out as I'm reading into it but. Reading into it is fun. So.) makes me wonder if him wanting to be rid of the name means it's something that happened recently. I don't THINK, with the implication of 'his one regret is that he never let himself love fully', that the tattoo is for Ed. And Con's said multiple times that Izzy really only recognized he was in love with Ed when he saw Ed fall in love with Stede.

So.

Cjizzy agenda: The name is Jack's and he's tried to cut it off before for Ed/loyalty reasons but the more specific 'cuts' are more recent because he feels guilty over getting Jack killed*.

*I am, of course, a 'Jack survived' truther. As well as an 'Izzy faked his death' truther. So. They'll find their way back to each other and get their happy ending, as they deserve.

[ritz-stimzz]

🖤 ×🥛 🍺 ♟ × 🥟 ☠ ☕ × 🥠 🐶 🐾

izzy hands baby au: izzy! he's carmille's step-uncle/adoptive dad :3 he co-owns ed's bar, the kraken, and bartends there too! he's mostly a paperwork guy tho...

[wearfinethingsalltoowell]

Ed x Calico Jack for the HCs thing. make it angsty pls.

You asked for angst and angst you shall get

Sorry in advance to my Calico Jack-loving mutuals. TWs for mentions of bad sexual experiences (all consensual)

—I HC Jack as Ed’s only real “relationship” before Stede. This is not a good thing.

—Jack was Ed’s first time, and this man did not know the definitions of “prep” or “aftercare”. When I say Ed has only bad experience he’s who I’m talking about.

—Jack was Ed’s first friend when he came aboard with Hornigold, and they bonded over Hornigold being overly brutal with them

—Here I should mention that my fancast for Hornigold is Danny Devito

—Ed really cared about Jack, but Jack’s got a pathological fear of commitment and doesn’t do relationships. He did not communicate this

—Ed’s never had a real heartbreak before Stede, but Jack came close

Send me ships and I’ll give HC’s

[ishouldbedoinghw]

You Can't Erase Me

One Piece fanfic, part 10: Calico Jack

Previous parts are in my pinned masterlist.

A woman enslaved by the celestial dragons is found by a man with red hair. Angst and comedy ensues.

A/N: Y'all know the drill. This chapter is the one that inspired this entire story. I was driving and listening to this song when a great idea that I really hope doesn't suck exploded into my head. Also I finally got a new computer since I've been working a couple of jobs this summer before moving back to college.

Also I would like to preface this chapter by saying this has a good bit of dancing described in it. The only experience I have with dancing is country western swing dancing and white person line dancing. It might be bad. Dead dove do not eat.

TW: Bad descriptions of dancing and music, thirsting over a vampire, alcohol consumption, drunkenness, Shanks

The first swig from Maria's bottle was, frankly put, fucking terrible. This was the crap Shanks was always chugging?

As I spluttered, trying my best to hand back the bottle before I dropped it, Maria and her friend were giggling behind polite hands.

"Never had liquor before? Traveling with Red-Hair? And I'd bet money on you being almost ten years older than the two of us."

Almost ten years? How young were these girls? How old was I?

"Listen, I had some health problems, alright? And how old do you think-"

Maria's hands shot up in surrender. "Sorry, didn't mean anything by it, we didn't know."

Her friend, still slightly giggling, took the bottle from me and took a swig herself.

"Look, this stuff is cheap, so it isn't about tasting it, you've gotta just let it be nasty and focus on what it's doing to you." She handed it back to me, her long nails curled around the bottle neck.

It tasted just as nasty the second time, but at least I was prepared for it. I swallowed it quickly, doing my best to keep a straight face.

As Maria took the bottle back to hide it away, her friend started to study me, clicking her tongue occasionally. My face burned a bit at being studied again, and it made me wonder if I really looked as good as I felt.

"Maria, you really don't miss, do you?" She laughed, and started to head back down the hall, seemingly satisfied. "Let the newbie know what her big job is tonight, and have her watch during the first couple of songs, so she at least doesn't go in blind."

"Yeah, yeah," Maria called back, shaking her head. "A control freak, that one."

Fiddling with the lace on my corset, I watched Maria finish adjusting herself in the mirror. After she seemed satisfied, she beckoned me to follow her as she went down the hallway after her friend.

"So- what is it that I have to do, exactly?" I ask, nervously gripping my skirt, trying to adjust to walking in it.

"So, every week we have a night where we do the Calico Jack- one of the older, tougher girls is picked to find someone in the crowd to dance with to a song about running off with a pirate." She stopped to adjust a strap on one of her shoes, and I almost run into her. "I personally don't see the appeal in it, and neither does Delilah, but it always brings in a big crowd of rowdy men who pay plenty money to drink and feed their egos if the girl picks 'em."

"That's why we get a grown woman to do it, too- in case a fight breaks out over who gets picked, the dancer doesn't get hurt." She continues. "We try to stay away from the really wild ones- we had a big ginger muscleheaded prick get upset a while back, his blonde boy-toy or whatever had to drag him out."

My mouth had gone quite dry at this point, though whether it was from the liquor or my nerves I wasn't quite sure. I had to dance with a stranger? Hell, I don't think I'd ever danced before. My plans for tonight were to maybe dance with Benn, and then to just listen to something other than the crew's terrible singing. And yet, here I was, painted as a doll ad about to be strung up like a puppet because of some old woman I didn't even know.

"Do I-?"

"Yes, you have to do it, I'd like to keep my room and my nice-paying job, thank you very much." Maria was trying to sound confident and relaxed, but I could see the sweat starting to bead on her neck and face. "Listen, no one would question it if you just picked Red-Hair, and you'd likely avoid a fight that way too, no one would argue that he's handsome and powerful."

I started to argue about calling Shanks anything other than annoying, but I stopped myself- I couldn't deny she had a point. No one would recognize me as the girl he came with, and he was powerful enough to avoid confrontation with someone else. Shit, she might've just given me an easy way out of this mess. I would just get the one dance over with and-

"Of course, before that dance, you've gotta join the rest of the tavern dancers since we're short one."

Of course.

She shoved me, clearly seeing my face. "Listen, it really isn't as bad as it sounds. For whatever reason, the boss has faith in you. She doesn't just drag random strangers out of the crowd- well, at least not all the time." She said with a laugh.

As we neared the end of the hallway, I was expected to be met with some kind of music, or lights like before. Instead, the dance hall was dark and quiet, with only the light hum of hushed conversation. Maria was gripping my shoulder, and I could see her straining to get a glimpse of something off to our right. I tried to follow her gaze, but all I could get was dim outlines of figures, and the flash of something shiny reflecting the dim light of the hallway.

As Maria's grip tightened, chills shot through my body. A whisper from the right made the room a silent vacuum, and I strained to hear the words.

"Hickory, oak, pine and weed-" A small flame flickered in the distance, lighting up the face of the old woman who'd woken me up. Delilah. Her voice was softer, yet somehow stronger when she was singing. Perhaps it was the lack of grouch. A drum was the only instrument playing, only hitting one note to make a beat.

"Bury my heart underneath these trees-" My body froze, waiting for the adverse reaction I'd had when Emily had been preforming.

"And when a southern wind comes to raise my soul-" She drew out the last note in a slight vibrado, and I found myself wondering how the hell I knew that.

"Spread my spirit like a flock of crows." I saw the flash again, and as I focused, I could make out someone holding a guitar, a sleek, slim version of the one Yassopp owned but couldn't play.

"'Cause I loved ya for too long, I loved ya for too long," Her voice was getting stronger, and louder, the den-den mushi in front of her picking up more sound.

"I loved ya for too long-" She held the last note in a vibrado again, holding it out until she was nearly whispering again. Her voice was admittedly beautiful, if not a bit haunting.

"Old heat of a raging fire, Come and light my eyes Summer's kiss through electric wire- But I'll never die-"

The stage lights all came on at once, showing off just how massive it was. A full band stood to the left of Delilah, while a handful of the girls I'd seen earlier were standing to the right, all with their own den-den mushi. On the same beat, as Delilah shifted to a full belt on the end of "die," the girls burst into operatic backup vocals, and the band started playing at top volume. The drum continued at a slightly faster pace, and the guitar strummed at a slow, steady pace to match it, contrasting the passionate voices of Delilah and her choir.

"Sycamore, ash, moss and loam Wrap your roots all around my bones And when they come for me When they call my name Cast my shadow from a bellow's flame-"

Chills ran up my spine, and my heart seemed to seize in my chest. I panicked, thinking I would pass out again, but my breath remained steady, and my mind clear. What the hell was going on?

"Cause I loved ya for too long I loved ya for too long I loved ya for too long So let the storm come-"

My body trembled, my mouth was dry once again, and the back of my neck was coated in a sheen of sweat. My heart was pounding against my ribs, my eyes watered, and I wanted to scream.

"Old heat of a raging fire Come and light my eyes Summer's kiss through electric wire But I'll never die I will never die You can bury my body but I'll never die-"

It was the best thing I could ever remember experiencing. Like a piece of me I'd been searching for ever since I woke up on that damned ship had finally come back.

I loved music. I've always loved music. I could feel it in the depths of my soul, in every bone in my body.

My entire life, I have always loved music.

The way Delilah ripped through the vocals was a storm tearing through the fields of my mind. Every sound I could make out on that stage rocked me to my core.

Watching Delilah's passion was almost as good as listening to it. Her eyes seemed to be gleaming like fire, and she spit out every word as if she had lived through the song over and over again, like she'd truly meant all of it. I'd believe it if they said she was an immortal deity from her stage presence alone.

Her boots stomping caught my attention as she transitioned to the bridge. All instruments but the drum had stopped playing again, and I could hear the thunder of voices in the crowd join her.

"In the dead of night I'm gonna loose these chains Mmm, I'm gonna run and run and run and run and run I'm gonna run and run and run and run Coming for you again Oh, coming for you again-"

The instrumental that followed blew me away once again. I never knew someone could make the instrument Roux purposefully hid from Yassopp sound so damn beautiful. Leading up to the last run of the chorus, Delilah was screaming her vocals, and a new chill ran through my body.

I need to do that one day.

All I wanted, with my entire being, was to be singing these songs with as much passion as she did, in the hopes I could feel something other than fear, anger, or shame.

As Delilah sang the final chorus, she spread her arms, letting her large coat that had been hanging over her shoulders fall to the ground. She was surprisingly muscular for her age, and-

Holy shit, she didn't have any hands.

Her arms ended at the wrists, and were webbed in a messy array of scars. The crowd screamed at the reveal, whether out of fear or something else, I couldn't quite tell.

Maria started to cheer at my side, startling me. She started shaking my arm and bouncing up and down, still yelling her ass off. I didn't pay much attention to it, distracted by Delilah's performance. It wasn't that her lack of hands was a shock in itself; I'd seen where Shanks had lost his plenty. I simply wondered how in the world she'd slapped me so effectively earlier.

"You ready?" Maria yells in my ear, her voice fuzzy with all the noise.

"Ready for wh-" And she shoved me in the direction of the stage as the room grew dark again. I flailed about and stumbled a bit, before one of the male dancers, a dark-haired, freckled young man, caught my arm.

"Newbie, right? You know the Mull River Shuffle, yeah?" He hooks his arm in mine, pulling me to the opposite side of the now empty dance floor.

"The fucking what-"

"Yeah, Maria said you might not, don't worry, you just gotta follow my lead. You dance some, yeah?"

"No-"

The guitar starts a faster rhythm than before, and the lights flash on again, making my vision spotty. My partner squeezes my arm, catching my attention before he starts moving around the floor with the other dancers in a wide circle. The more we moved, the slower and dizzier I felt we were moving. The steps I took to mirror his were clumsy, and my neck burned in shame at how stupid I likely looked.

"You know, Maria failed to mention she got you drunk as hell." What?

"I'm not-"

"Not even the clutziest of kids are so unsure of where their own damn foot is. You're thinking way too hard, you've gotta trust yourself. The liquor is supposed to take away fear, not grace."

I'm not sure why I giggled, and as we paused to turn and move the opposite direction, my body still felt it was moving around.

"I'm about to spin you towards the middle, don't puke." He was irritated now, and I felt terrible. He hadn't asked for a shitty partner tonight, yet here I was. I just let him sling my body around, and I grew a bit lightheaded at the speed.

"That wasn't half bad, think you can go faster?" The relief that flooded me was almost overwhelming, and I couldn't help but giggle again. I'm not sure why the little phrase had made me so happy.

Trust yourself.

The words rang in my ear as the tempo of the song picked up again, and the group of dancers split down the middle, my partner shoving me gently to line up opposite him.

As everyone stepped toward the middle again to meet their partners, I did the same; although I was half a stride behind them. My partner made up for the time, quickly spinning us around and pushing me in the direction he'd come from.

The more I relaxed, and the more I let myself move and spin and step to the music, the more fun I let myself have. This wasn't exactly what I had in mind when Shanks had made me leave the ship, but I had to admit to myself that I was actually having a great time.

"Told you, just let go." He was smiling at me now, and I couldn't help but excitedly smile back.

"You know, I've never danced as far back as I can remember." I wasn't sure why it felt so good just to talk for the hell of it.

"Yeah, I could kind of tell that when we started."

I giggled again, then had to catch my breath as he spun me around again.

"Yeah, I don't think I've ever had so much fun."

It was his turn to laugh then, before we split into two lines again. He didn't have to push or pull me this time, and I was able to keep up with the pace of the rest of the line.

As the song ended, he pulled me over to Maria, who was still standing off to the side of the stage.

"You've got to stop giving me the drunk ones, man." He elbows Maria in the ribs, and she laughs, shoving him away.

"It looks like she got the hang of it by the end, be grateful she didn't vomit on you or something, Zutsu," she said, reaching over to fix my skirt.

"We've got Rove and Go next, you know that one?" Zutsu asks. "I'm not sure where the hell you came from, but I don't know anyone that doesn't know the Rove."

For some odd reason, I felt I did know the song, like it was some common knowledge that was ridiculous not to remember.

"Maybe? I'm not sure-"

"Good enough, maybe it'll jog your memory when you hear it." He pulled me back to the dance floor, into a line of dancers that snaked through the entire hall. "Listen, I usually take the lead on this one, but we'll stick to the back to keep you comfortable."

And keep me from embarrassing you. I couldn't even bring myself to be upset, Maria made it sound like the quality of performances were held in high regard by everyone here.

The tempo of this song started much faster than the last, the drums kicking in at full volume, followed by a fiddle that was one of the sweetest sounds I'd ever heard.

It was the first line of the song that sent a cold shock down my spine, and made sweat cling to my face.

Why shouldn’t she go she’s only ninety?

Delilah held out the last note of the line, and my skin grew clammy. I knew this song. I was sure I'd known this song almost as long as I had loved music itself. My hand shook in Zutsu's, and he squeezed it, muttering, "Don't puke yet," as he started stomping his feet on beat with the rest of the dancers. As if they had a mind of their own, my feet did the same.

I know the dance. I could remember every movement to the dance Zutsu was about to lead me through. I could hear it in my head, to the rhythm of the song, in counts of four.

Stomp, shuffle, stomp, shuffle-

Scoot back, back, back-

Away from your partner, back to your partner-

Holy shit.

"Look at you, you do know this one." Zutsu says, loosening his grip on my hand.

I wanted to cry, puke, and laugh all at once. I used to dance. I had to have grown up dancing. To my disappointment, I couldn't remember any more dances offhand, but it did little to stifle my excitement.

Every step, every dip, and every spin made my heart feel as it were flying through the sky over the bright ocean, free as a wild bird. I was addicted to the dizziness, the breathlessness, and the feeling of my body moving with the music. This, right here, was something I'd been born to do. I felt it in my soul the same way I'd felt when I heard Delilah sing. My body, mind, and spirit felt at peace, and I felt like I had some kind of purpose other than being the crew's fragile pet.

"Hey-" Zutsu's voice cut through my thoughts. "During the bridge, when the fiddle goes crazy, we don't keep in line, we'll split off and start two-stepping around the audience, try to get them to dance, yeah?"

"Oh- alright, got it," I said quickly. Relief swept through me as I realized I knew exactly what he was talking about. Two-stepping with a partner was one of the most basic skills I'd learned when I was just a kid- how I knew that, I had no idea. I couldn't picture memories so much as feel it, my mind trying to grasp some physical evidence that wasn't there.

Zutsu pulled me to face him, and he kept his back in the direction we traveled as we kept a fast paced two-step. I fell into the rhythm he set easily, and almost wept at how at home it all felt: the fast pace, the grip he had on my hand, and even the burning in my right calf and left hip.

"You had to have been holding out on me before," Zutsu laughed, guiding me in an impromptu spin that had a small part of the audience cheering. "You dance as naturally as you breathe when you know what the hell you're doing."

I giggled back, heart soaring at the compliment. It made me want to try more, to do something other than-

"You wanna try swing dancing some?" He asks, as if he read my mind.

I nodded eagerly, my heart pounding again as I recall the term, knowing exactly what he meant.

He pushed me out and away from him, before pulling me back in. I knew the steps by heart, I could feel them in my feet and fingers as I ducked under his arms and spun behind him, before twisting around as he caged me in his arms. He spun me around as fast as I could twice, before finishing with a dramatic dip, my "hair" nearly touching the floor.

"Please tell me you're sticking around after tonight, you're the first partner I've had that could move so damn fast."

I clicked my tongue, looking up at him with a twinge of disappointment. "I'm honestly sorry, but I'm just passing through with a group of- with a crew," I finished hastily.

He raised a brow. "Red-Haired Pirates, right? I'm pretty sure I saw you come in on the captain's arm."

I grimaced at the notion my disguise hadn't worked as well as I'd hoped. "I- yeah," I muttered weakly, sheepishly looking at the floor.

"Don't sweat the whole Emily thing," he shrugged, and did his best to wipe a few droplets of sweat from his cheek. "I only knew it was you because I've been staring you in the face, and I was close by when they dragged you backstage. No one in the audience will be able to tell." He poked me playfully. "Not even your Calico Jack of the night."

I groaned at the mention of that stupid dance. "Why do I-"

"Please don't get me booted from this place by answering that honestly. I'd hate to say anything untoward about my boss and her- interesting notions."

I decided not to press the issue, and to take comfort in the fact that Shanks was here for me to make an easy pick. I was also itching with curiosity to hear every song of the night, and to see if I could recall any more dances.

I wasn't sure my legs could take another step as the song finally ended. Zutsu made sure I took a long swig of water and sat down for a minute before disappearing backstage, leaving me with a very bouncy and tipsy Maria.

"That was- burp- incredible!" she shouted, throwing an arm around me. "No offense, but I thought it'd all go to shit."

I grimaced, choosing to focus on the compliment. "Yeah, thanks."

"You knowwww- the next dance is allll yours," she giggled, then nearly knocked me over trying to wave at one of her friends.

My mouth went dry. Already? I thought I'd have a couple more dances to get more comfortable, maybe figure out something simple to start the song with.

"Don't even sweat it, baby, you'll do great." She fixes one of the stray curls stuck in the top of my corset. "Plus, you look great, so it won't even matter."

Her reassurance did little to ease the nausea building in my gut.

---

I'll never forget the song that echoed through the room next. It wasn't anything spectacular, like the operatic section of the first performance. It was just a small tradition in a dance hall that would one day outlive me. But one moment in that song changed my life forever.

The Calico Jack song was an old ballad about a young lady running from her abusive marriage to live on the sea after meeting a handsome pirate in a tavern.

Of course, the only thing I knew at the time was that I had walk around at least once in the room, and pick a partner before the first chorus of the song started playing.

"It was a borin' Evenin' Down at the tavern My husband left for sea again And I was sick of waitin'-"

The song started, and I could feel my heart in my throat as I started my walk around the room.

All you have to do is walk once around and then to Shanks.

My steps felt too loud, the room was too big, and I was moving too fast, not really paying attention to who was actually there.

Look up, look up, look up, look up-

I tried to convince the crowd that I was looking, studying for the most eligible one there. I couldn't convince myself into thinking I was giving a good performance, however. My heartbeat grew louder as the audience cheered when I walked by, and I gave a weak smile, trying to look like I knew what the hell I was doing.

"Sick of drinkin' And thinkin' And questioning my measure Then suddenly A breeze came through the door-"

And then I caught a glimpse of him.

The most beautiful man I could ever think up in my head was sitting on the outermost edge of the crowd, sipping a glass of wine. He had a feathered hat that hung low over his face, but it wasn't enough to conceal his eyes- bright gold, with rings of orange, the strangest eyes I'd ever seen. His hair and beard were nearly black, but against his pale skin I could see the slightest tinge of brown. He was all sharp angles; high cheekbones, a sharp jawline and nose, even his facial hair was shaved into neat lines.

"He was smilin' Blindin' The pirate, Jack Rackham He tipped his hat and that was that I was in love with him-"

I would've liked to say that the great golden sword leaning on the table was what I saw next, but I couldn't. His large coat was ornate and expensive-looking; it was also completely open, his torso completely bare, save for a large golden cross hanging from his neck. Damn. That's all I could think- damn. He was, with no other way to put it, absolutely gorgeous.

And the little, nagging, tempting thought that I both curse and thank God for to this day wouldn't hush in my head. Ask him to dance.

And I wanted to. So, so, badly did I want to walk right up with all the confidence in the world and ask him to dance with me. It felt as if my entire body was burning at the prospect of even looking at him again.

"Oi, over here, Spooky!" Shanks was in front of me now, grinning and waving like the idiot he was. I mustered a weak smile back, quickening my pace and trying to ignore the feeling that the entire room was watching my every move.

Benn had to reach over and keep Shanks from standing to pull me into a hug, which I thanked him for with a polite smile. Yasopp was trying his best to make me lose my composure with stupid faces, and I was failing miserably at keeping my lips from twitching.

Maria was giving me a cheerful thumbs up, Zutsu and her blonde friend, whose name I really needed to learn, by her side as I passed around a second time. This round, I couldn't help but look for the beautiful man. Half of me hoped he wasn't there, and I wouldn't have to worry about getting up the courage to ask him anything, but the other half would have been crushed if he was gone.

He was still there, still sipping from his wine glass, in the exact same position as before, and still as devastatingly gorgeous.

Ask him, you'll regret it if you don't.

Yeah, sure, and embarrass myself to pieces if he refuses me.

I paused for an instant, hearing what sounded like the first line of the pre-chorus from Delilah. Shit shit shit shit shit-

I had to hurry along, or I'd make a fool of myself regardless of who I picked.

Shanks. I'll just go to Shanks. Maybe Benn, if he's too drunk.

But my feet carried me, trembling, to the man sipping his wine.

"Calico Jack Calico Jack I've never met a man here looking like that-"

Still trembling, I held out my hand. His eyes seemed to cut into me like knives, and he didn't move.

But neither did I.

The room had gone silent, and all I could hear was Delilah's voice and the band. Beads of sweat gathered on my forehead, and my hand faltered slightly. I did my best to give a polite smile to him, praying he would hurry up and either refuse me or take my hand.

"Calico Jack You've met your match Calico Jack Won't you give me my heart back-"

I started to turn away, ready to just ask Shanks, or piss myself, whichever came first, before I felt it.

His hand wasn't particularly warm, and it was rough with calluses that I presumed were from the giant sword sitting beside him. His touch was tentative for a split second, before committing and fully grabbing it before standing.

Damn, he was tall. I was eye-level with his collarbone, and was trying my best not to gawk at the chest below it when he gingerly grabbed my waist. I jumped at first, forgetting why I'd come up to him in the first place.

"Your friends have been trying to get you to back away since they saw you looking this way. Should you have listened?"

As bored as his tone sounded, his voice melted me like butter. Fuck. This was embarrassing.

"I just- it felt right to ask you," I blabbered, trying to avoid eye contact with him.

He let out a hmf before stepping closer toward me. I snapped out of my trance at the proximity, and hurriedly stepped out toward the dance floor, pulling him with me. Maria and the rest of the dancers were in my peripheral, all looking as if I'd died in front of them.

Was it so hard to believe I could get a good-looking stranger to dance with me? I'd thought that at least Maria had some faith in me.

We settled into a fast-paced rotating two-step, and as we passed around the room, the audience grew rowdy again. I hadn't realized my decision had held so much weight here, but perhaps the little custom meant more to people here than I realized.

I dared to look back up at his face, and instantly started to sweat again as his gazed pierced through me. Shit, he was even more beautiful up close. He'd taken the lead in the dance now, and surprisingly, held himself with the grace of an experienced dancer. Judging by his looks, I could have guessed he'd waltzed or something fancy like that at some point in his life, but he didn't seem the type to be in a dark, noisy place like this. Nor did he seem to be the type to take part in dancing recreationally as a whole.

Too nervous to say anything directly to him, I offered him my best version of a pleasant smile. He remained stoic, but I could have sworn I saw the corner of his mouth prick up.

I was trying my damnest to ignore the lovely shape of his lips when he asked, "What's your name?" it was a piss-poor, stiff attempt at being polite, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

"Jett."

"How lively."

I hummed in response, unsure of what to say.

"Your first dance tonight was... interesting to watch."

Oh, that was mortifying. My face burned, and I could feel my palms growing sweaty.

"I, uh, I'm new here, I hadn't danced in a while, and-"

"You were drunk?" The corner of his lip was quirked up again, just barely noticeable.

"Yeah, but-"

"And now-"

"There's no need for you to be an asshole," I muttered, my embarrassment reaching my tongue before common sense could hold it.

He gave the impression that not many people stood up to him with the way his brows furrowed just slightly. Thankfully for me, he also seemed to want to keep his composure.

He liked being in control.

Perhaps it was the lingering effects of alcohol that made me gather the courage, but that one slip in his stoic expression made me determined to make him crack.

Perhaps a small part of me wanted to see him really smile.

"So- you've been watching me tonight?"

"Don't flatter yourself."

"That didn't answer the question."

"Please, if I wanted to watch someone drunkenly stumble about, I wouldn't have come all the way here." He was trying so hard to stay grumpy, it was laughable.

As controlled as his expression was, he had one fatal tell- those pretty eyes. And they seemed to like to shift the slightest bit down every now and then before looking me in the face again. There.

"You know, you might think my dancing is subpar, but you certainly don't mind peeking at my-"

His grip tightened on my waist, although his face remained neutral. Leaning down, the brim of his hat grazed my temple.

"You are the last one who can make any comments about any sort of inappropriate glances, dear." As he withdrew, he brushed a stray curl over my shoulder.

I hated that he was right, and his touching wasn't doing much to help my case.

Neither was that very open coat that revealed a little more of his waist each time stepped with his right foot. What was somehow more impressive was that he was completely unfazed by dancing. I was sweating and aching, and a few annoying bits of my "hair" kept sticking to the back of my neck.

As thrilled as I was at the chance to dance with such a handsome man, I couldn't help but think it was such a pity he turned out to be so glum. Witty, certainly, but still a bit sour. To be fair, I also couldn't judge him based on his attitude, as I also wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows.

We were actually quite alike, I found, as the dance ended, and the two of us were promptly pulled aside by a very loud ginger man. It seemed the both of us were equally as annoyed by him.

"Oi, Hawkeyes, I didn't know you had that in you," Shanks was slightly slurring his words, but still remained perfectly upright.

Hawkeyes? Oh, shit-

I'd just danced with the world's strongest swordsman, a fucking warlord, Dracule "Hawkeyes" Mihawk.

[jedi-bird]

Tw: pet death

My stinky demon passed on last night in her sleep. She was a fuzzy little brat and a pain in the butt and I loved her so much. We had thirteen and a half years together, which was a year more than I truly expected. She got really sick last year and all this time it's felt borrowed. I tried not to take it for granted.

Her real name was Charlotte. She's gone by a lot of nicknames over the years; she and her sister were collectively known an demons one and two for years. Stinky demon came about when she started having trouble keeping cleaning and I said "you're stinky", which for some reason made her purr super loud and headbutt me. She would knead my arms as I'd wipe her down to clean her up.

Charlotte was part of what I jokingly called the pirate litter. Her mother was feral and chose to have her second litter in my yard. Momma let me hold her babies at only a few days old despite not letting me touch her until months later (pirate litter would be her last litter because I managed to get her spayed; she got to live her life in my yard as happy as she could be until she died). Her brothers were Jack, Barbossa, and Blackbeard, while her sister is Calico Ann (Cali). None of her brothers made it past six months, though I tried so hard. That litter for hit by so many misfortunes and health issues. Only Charlotte and Cali made it, and now only Cali is left.

At eight weeks, Charlotte broke her leg. I'm pretty sure my neighbor shot her with a pellet gun, because they loved to target my house but I could never prove it. I spent months and thousands of dollars trying to help it and sometimes wish I had just had the vet amputate her leg; neither of us knew she would decide to do a backflip on her last day in the cast and completely flip her ankle bone around. She has arthritis starting at six months old and had to be on medication for the rest of her life. I told her that since she was my most expensive cat ever, she wasn't allowed to leave me.

Knowing this was coming doesn't make it easier, but for this moment, my tears are mostly dry. I've been prepared. We've kept her comfortable and monitored and we got some final snuggles in. I miss my stinky demon. Life just got a lot quieter (literally, because she used to yell at me daily).

Born just days before a thunderstorm that flooded my yard. Companion through the death of two family members. Opinionated. Stubborn. Snuggly and prickly. Thanks for loving me back.

[octorosi]

More incorrect quotes >:)

TW-

Dirty jokes-

Shipping-?

Violence-?

—————-

Kwazii : Barnacles is playing hard to get.

Kwazii : Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

———-

Peso: *fast-forwards all the way through the movie*

Panni: You can't just skip to the happy ending!

Peso: I don't have time for their problems, and I don’t wanna see the part where the dog dies-

————

Dashie : *slams books down in front of Barnacles *

Dashie : Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night.

Barnacles : You could of said literally anything else.

Dashie : Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.

Barnacles : I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.

———-

Dashie : Slash gamemode creative.

Tweek: Dude, this isn't Min-

Dashie : *starts levitating*

———-

Natquick: How many children do you have?

Barnacles : Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.

———-

Calico jack: I love you.

Natquick :I’m sorry.

———-

Tweek: Barnacles and Kwazii are getting married, can you believe it?

Dashie: No I can’t! That’s wonderful!

Inkling: It’s so wonderful they can’t believe it either-

———-

Barnacles : My head hurts.

Natquick : That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

———-

Shellington : Why are you doing this?

Pearl: Same reason I do everything, Shellington . To get somebody to like me.

———-

Tweek: I’m so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now.

Dashie : Uh, Barnacles and Professor inkling are not getting along.

Tweek: They’re not trying to kill each other.

Dashie : You may have a point.

———-

Kwazii : Barnacles! I can't do this stupid math!

Barnacles: What’s the math problem?

Kwazii : Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes divide the legs, and hope we don’t multiply.

Tweek, covering Peso 's ears, while barnacles smacks kwazii upside the head. Barnacles : Nice try Albert Einstein, not on this Tuesday afternoon-

——

[octoagentmiles]

let me put a TW for mentions of derealization/dissociation (pls tell me if i'm using this correctly!)

capn barnacles hc that is based solely on a fanfic i wrote

whenever a situation gets too stressful for him to handle (which can be rare, depends how you see him), he just kinda.. detaches his mind from his body and deals with the problem. he has a moment of silence before he slips away, then he starts acting by instinct.

he feels a lot safer if he feels a little far away.

i can see this originating from the manitoba incident (tm) which still leaves him with some ptsd, and whenever a mission reminds him of it (a storm maybe or an almost octopod crash), he begins to.. detach.

hehe angst

Wait wait wait WAIT WAIT. I read a fic on AO3 the other day EXACTLY like this—was that you??? :0

Update- I just scrolled through your blog and IT WAS YOU OMG. 10/10 angst, if I do say so myself.

I really liked your fic, and fully endorse that headcanon 👀👍

Ngl I kinda hope Above and Beyond does something with Barnacles' canon PTSD- they did such a good job showing Peso's anxiety, and now Calico Jack's anxiety- and what we DID get for Barnacles in SA was great; so I think it'd be cool if they chose to explore it even more. I doubt they'd do anything too dramatic, because there are kids watching obv, but I'll take anything lol

[nymsshadow]

Title: At The End Of The World With You

Author: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NymsShadow

Artist: https://x.com/sweetpotato_70?s=21&t=nL4r3JOssjP32S7cip2ZTA

Beta reader: https://x.com/_a_perfect_day_?s=21&t=nL4r3JOssjP32S7cip2ZTA

https://x.com/notannebonny?s=21&t=nL4r3JOssjP32S7cip2ZTA

Characters: Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet

Relationship(s): Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet

Rating: E

Additional Tags: Apocalypse, Post-Apocalypse, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies, lightning-fast burn, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, dudes being sluts, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Facials, Marking, Begging, Daddy Kink, Daddy Issues, tw coconut oil, look post-apocalyptic logistics are hard when you’re trying to get some dick, we did our best, Zombie Soup, zombie clowns, Weapons including guns knives and daggers, oh yeah a little choking too, dudes (and I cannot emphasize this enough) being sluts, Bathing/Washing, Hair Braiding, tw brushing curly hair, Seattle, light Seattle slander, probably a good time to mention the cannibals?, it’s apocalypse sex what do they have to lose, mention of past injuries, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Competent Stede Bonnet, Zaddy Bonnet, Ed’s just a little baby leave him alone, Zombies as plot devices, the crew is there but just cameos at the end, character death but it happened a long time ago, Soft Dom Stede Bonnet, and Ed is such a slut for it, Calico Jack jumpscare, Jack/Stede casual entanglement (sorry), Contains Custom Art, Collaboration, The art is phenomenal

Warnings: Violence

Summary: Ed Teach has survived five years of the zombie apocalypse only to die of thirst here at the end of all things…

Or, so he thinks.

A kind (and very hot) stranger offers assistance, and then a little more.

Wordcount: 50,655

Link to art masterpost: https://x.com/sweetpotato_70/status/1728946655188386232?s=46&t=nL4r3JOssjP32S7cip2ZTA

[izzy-b-hands]

TW for Izzy's darling dumb ass doing the same jump Roach did when we met Calico Jack in s1, and injuries (not bad) as a result of that.

slightly nsfw simultaneous mix of stizzy, steddyhands, and rizzy at the end.

Idek how I ended up here but I have a new favourite mix of ships to have happening all at once.

---

"I can still do it," Izzy groans and swings his way up to the mast. "How high did you fall from, Roach?"

"I honestly don't remember," Roach shrugs. " But I'm still alive. So if you fall, you'll be fine, apparently. Probably."

"Iz," Ed calls up. "Please stop and come down. This is sort of pathetic."

Izzy peers back down. "Isn't that what you all usually think of me anyway?"

Silence. Telling silence.

"See," Izzy continues. "Why not add this on top? Have fun with it."

He spits out the last words before checking his route down.

Far. It's far down, and the sea is a dark blue where the ship is anchored. No telling who or what might be awaiting him there, if he didn't smack his skull onto some part of the ship and die that way first.

"Oh for fuck's sake!"

He hears Bonnet below, but doesn't look down to the deck again. Stede had said maybe there was a natural expiry on being a pirate, even if one wouldn't retire, and he knows it was just the rich fucker trying to get under his skin, but it worked and-

"If you fall," Stede continues. "I..."

Izzy waits for more. And waits.

He peeks down to see the crew huddled around Stede, seemingly trying to prompt him to finish whatever the fuck he'd been planning to say.

But Bonnet is simply staring up at him.

"I'm not spending all fucking day up here!" Izzy shouts down, and with a final deep breath...

He jumps.

He already knew water tended to feel less like water and more like a wall from a certain distance. After all, he and Ed and Jack had been playing this stupid game (a generous term for it) since they were young.

That doesn't make the smack into the sea sting any less, and it takes his breath away at first.

It sounds like there might be some fuss on the ship, but it's hard to tell between the sound of the waves as they help push him back towards her.

"Get the fuck up here!" Bonnet sounds...well. Not anything like he's heard before.

Izzy struggles up the ladder, only to feel a couple of hands yank him onto the deck.

"Reckless," Stede fumes. "And stupid beyond belief. I thought you'd be better than Jack, of all people!"

Izzy attempts to wring out one of his sopping wet shirtsleeves. "You aren't used to me disappointing and upsetting you yet? Really?"

Rage is what it is. It doesn't look bad on Bonnet, not at all.

"You know," he continues before Stede can say anything. "If this was the Gentleman Pirate you'd shown me at first, things would probably be different now."

"What, you wouldn't have pulled this stunt?" Stede scoffs. "Sure."

Izzy giggles. He can't help it. "Where has this been?"

"You have a head wound," Ed remarks with a frown. "Roach?"

"Hang on," Roach hustles over, medicine chest already in one hand. "It's probably not that bad. Heads bleed a lot, thin skin there."

"Another term you'd put on me," Izzy says to Stede. "Right?"

"You're egging him on now," Ed scolds. "Come on."

"No," Izzy laughs. "Look at him! Imagine that with a knife in your face, threatening you over books during a raid."

Bonnet's gaze softens, and he lets out a shaky scoff. "Oh, now he likes me! Is that what does it for you? Is that what would shut you up?!"

He grunts as Stede shoves him against the mast. The knife that meets his neck is nearly dropped at first, but other than that?

Not bad.

"If I swear to my captain not to do that again," Izzy says, breathing hard. "Would that save my skin here?"

He leans into the knife just slightly, enough to feel the edge and exactly how sharp it really is. "Or would you send me away again? Over this?"

Stede's eyes drill into his, but only for a moment. He's grateful for that, any longer eye contact with anyone is uncomfortable for him.

A knee slips in between his legs, then back away rapidly.

"Sorry," Stede whispers, and the façade of what the Gentleman Pirate could be drops.

"You're getting better," Izzy whispers back. "That's a surprise. But good for you, Bonnet."

Stede blinks. "I don't...I was going to toss you overboard. Or something."

"Literally nothing is stopping you," Izzy says. "Do it then."

"Are you two good here?" Olu peeks over Stede's shoulder. "We're invested in however this ends, don't get me wrong, but we do have things to do-"

Izzy snorts and falls into a fit of laughter against Stede's shoulder. "Now they want to do chores! I should have leapt off of there earlier. Would have, had I known that's what it takes."

Stede's chest hitches. Then again, until he's shaking with laughter.

"Fuck off," Olu says, but there's a chuckle in it.

"I swear it then," Izzy sighs and leans back to the wall. "I won't do that again. Unless instructed by my captain."

"Why would Ed tell you to do that?" Stede asks. There's a hint of irritation in his eyes, but far less than a moment ago.

"Didn't say Ed, did I?"

"Uh," Stede replies. "I'm not..."

"I've sworn my loyalty to Ed," Izzy continues. "But not yet to you. You clearly aren't going anywhere, and it's as much a second pledge to Ed as to you, since he-"

Izzy looks over to Ed, standing there, seemingly dumbstruck. "Since he loves you like he does."

"I don't know what to do," Stede says.

"I expected that," Izzy admits. "You're one of my captains. You can do essentially whatever you want."

Stede nods. "Right."

He watches Stede look back to Ed to exchange another nod.

The knife clatters to the deck, and Stede's hands find his hips and waist instead, pushing him into the wall as if he weren't already against it.

He's not terrible at kissing. Full of surprises, Stede Bonnet. Apparently.

"Oh," Olu's voice drifts away. "Okay, let's all get to work, yeah? Roach, you...I guess you should stay, for Izzy, but..."

"You really are bleeding a lot," Stede says, their foreheads pressed together. "I'm actually getting blood on myself right now, like this."

"I know," Izzy says. "I..."

"Yeah, I don't know either," Stede's words tumble out in a rush. "I didn't think I was going to do that and then I was and it wasn't bad but you're-"

"Myself?" Izzy chuckles.

Stede's lips crash into his again, and the leg returns between his thighs.

"I'm gonna need to ask you two to stop," Roach taps Izzy's arm. "Briefly, at least. I mean, eventually it'll stop bleeding on its own, but I should probably actually do something about it."

Stede steps away and Roach takes his place.

"I had a bet on you," Roach murmurs as he gently examines Izzy's scalp, a hand shifting away drying strands of hair. "For that. That you'd break and kiss him first."

"Again, my disappointing any of you shouldn't be so shocking," Izzy says. "How much did you lose?"

When he looks back on the day, ultimately it was a good one. Amazing, even. Despite the head wound and scrapes and aching body his plunge into the sea brought him.

Roach's lips are right on top of his. "Do you really want to know? Or do you want to make it up to me?"

"And what about the bet in regards to us then?" Izzy asks. "I presume there was one, from this."

Roach kisses more gently, warmly, but then again there's no simmering rage beneath it like Stede had.

"What the fuck is happening?" Ed asks. "I knew about you hating that you liked him-"

"I don't know that I mind it now," Stede remarks.

Izzy wants to reply to that, but Roach's hands wandering and sighs into each kiss take precedence.

"Again!" Ed scoffs. "What the fuck is this?"

"Lucius has been a good influence on me," Izzy manages to shout out when Roach stops for a breath.

There's a beat of silence, then a snort of laughter from Ed.

"Fine," Ed continues. "I admit I didn't know how it would look, you finally getting along with everyone here. I hadn't envisioned this."

"And you hate it?" Izzy asks, while Roach presses kisses into his neck. "Roach, why the fuck didn't you do this sooner?"

Roach shrugs. "You were an asshole. You still are, but this is a bearable level of that. Funny, even. Cute, somehow."

"I'm dizzy," Izzy sighs.

"That's the head wound," Roach smiles, then frowns. "Fuck, right. Let's get you to the gal-"

"Captains' quarters," Ed interjects. "You can come along, of course, to treat that...fuck, Iz, what did you hit down there?"

"You don't hate it," Izzy smiles.

"I don't think he does," Roach says. "I'll help get you there and clean you up, then I'll get out of everyone's hair."

"Hang on," Ed says. "You can stay. I mean, the three of us should look after him, right? Might have a concussion, or other injuries. If he's amenable to it, we should probably check him all over too."

Roach smiles. "In my opinion, I think that's the smartest route."

"You are our doctor," Stede says. " You know best. Here, let me help you grab him before he falls..."

"Let's move," Ed interrupts. "Iz is pale, and I'm-"

"Hard, we can see that," Roach says. "Join the club."

"I don't care if any of this helps the head wound or not," Izzy murmurs. He really is feeling it, leaning hard into Stede, then Roach, then Stede again as they help him away from the wall. "I think medically it'll all be necessary. All of you...god, something else I haven't done in a good few years."

"I'm sure you've still got it," Stede says. "Lift a foot for m-oh. Hm. Ed, could you give us a hand?"

Ed lifts his legs, and he cackles as they carry him towards Ed and Stede's room. He's probably going to have the best night of his life in ages, while bleeding and concussed and already sore.

He really should have jumped sooner.

[our-flag-means-death-ao3feed]

Fuck You in Flower

by TheBobblehat

After an amical divorce, Stede Bonnet has opened up a florist shop in Saint Augustine, FL in attempts to start a new life. He's expecting his clientele to be romantic retirees, proud parents of graduating seniors, and nervous 20-somethings on their first date.

What he was NOT expecting was for his very first customer, covered in leather and tattoos, to slam $20 onto the counter and ask: "How do I say 'fuck you' in flower?"

Words: 4487, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M, Multi

Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet, Lucius Spriggs, Israel Hands, "Calico" Jack Rackham

Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop & Tattoo Parlor, Cute, Fluffy, sad bois for plot, Tattoo Artist Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Florist Stede Bonnet, ex-boyfriend Calico Jack, TW: Jack jumpscare, tiny angry gremlin boy izzy hands, Grumpy/Sunshine

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/47264566