#tw discussions of sex

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Welcome back Calico Jack posting with your host Jamie. This one's gonna be a huge flop it's a little unhinged.

So when we were talking about Mary Read/Anne Bonny/Calico Jack femdom this morning I had a thought about Jack's sexuality. Head canon time but I've decided that his gay homophobia clashes with his sexual preferences and his hedonism and debauchery in such a way that, despite having homophobic tendencies, his type is the gayest people on earth. He wants to try getting hard core dommed but he would feel weird about doing it with a man because of his homophobic tendencies like that so he finds himself a bisexual with a preference for women who has the best strap game on the seven seas. He's a huge sadist and he takes that shit out on the most submissive men he can find *coughs*Iggy Toes*coughs* Edward "whip my balls, someone please hold me" Teach is the most masc man he's ever been with I can feel it. I also know that Jack wants the crop tops shorter and likes the eyeliner. He comes off like a masc 4 masc douchebag but I don't buy it modern au Jack has a folder full of femboy porn on his computer right next to the femdom folder. His favorite physical feature on Izzy is his above average man tits if he could just get Izzy to be less repressed for 5 seconds he would [redacted]. He's into men but he wants to be the man in the relationship and he's into women who are into the same things that he's into (both sexually and in terms of activities). He's trying to get it as gay as he can get it without shattering his fragile masculinity. Bisexual cowboy frat boys go to therapy challenge (don't actually you're so much funnier this way).

[sokkabaddiebender2021]

honestly i think it’s so gross how many adults i have seen on this app upset that heartstopper is a show rather mild in its sexual content. it’s a show that’s target audience is young queer people….about young queer people……played by young queer people. the show is not “anti-sex” at all, if you actually watched the show charlie and nick discuss that they WANT to do more, that they want to “go further” some day. charlie has a boat load of trauma (including trauma about having his physical boundaries ignored) however and nick is still processing his sexuality, so why are you pushing for them to be intimate?? i’ve known people who have dated for years and didn’t actually have sex until they were adults and mature enough to do so.

viewing this show as a adult woman i find it honestly disturbing that there is this fixation on the necessity of sexual content including children. because that is who these characters are. children.

the show does not bash sex (uhh the teachers very clearly banged??), it merely advises against forcing yourself to be sexual before you are ready. the queer community has always been demonized as a “hypersexual” group of people, but that is merely a label forced upon us. heartstopper is the one of the only queer pieces of media that defies this expectation, and tells queer kids everywhere that it’s ok to take your time, and that sex is not the end all be all.

[clangenrising]

If you don’t mind constructive criticism, I just wanna say, outright using the word “sex” is a bit inappropriate. Like, you mentioned this blog will never depict sexual content on screen, but stating that word onscreen seems a bit…much. I know the header states that there might be some content of that sort but I still think it would be better if you refrain from directly stating that word, since a notable number of your fans are minors.

I disagree. Strongly.

First of all, having frank discussions about sex is not inappropriate. Sex is a normal part of human life and the more taboo we make it the less prepared people are for actually interacting with it. Saying I shouldn't mention sex outright because some of my audience are minors is like saying there shouldn't be sex ed in schools because it would be inappropriate and that's just not true. It's been proven over and over that sex ed and discussing sex with minors in a responsible way leads to them having safer sex when they do decide to become sexually active. So no, it's not inappropriate for me to mention sex.

Secondly, how is saying the word sex any worse than strongly alluding to the fact that Razor has sexually assaulted Scorchplume? Is the latter fine just because I never say "sex" outright? Because I would argue that THAT is probably the thing that edges closest into being NSFW and it's still not inappropriate and I'm not going to stop doing either of those things because this is a story about human connections (told through cats) and that includes how they engage with sex. That's the story I want to tell and it's resonated with a lot of people and I'm not going to censor myself.

Thirdly, even if there are minors in my audience, it's not my job to control the content they engage with. Like I've said, I'm never going to depict sexual content on screen so I don't think I have to cordon my work off just because some of the characters have sex lives and talk about them sometimes. My stuff is no worse than most teen dramas anyway. If my work makes a minor uncomfortable then thats on them to stop engaging with my work. I'm not going to stop making what I want to make bevause some minors found it. Its not like i cultivated a young audience on purpose so I could show them something inappropriate. I don't think my work is inappropriate in the first place and just because it's mature doesn't mean I should change its content so its more "kid friendly" or that I need to police who is reading it.

So I won't be taking that piece of criticism. If you take constructive criticism, I would urge you to re-examine why you think saying the word sex is inappropriate and then educate yourself on why sex ed and frank discussions of these kinds of topics is important.

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Okay now that Anissa is in the show, I have to talk about THAT storyline. There's not much particularly new I can say that hasn't already been discussed but I need to gather my thoughts on what the show has to do to be successful in this regard. With that being said,

Spoilers for things the show has not covered yet

And massive Trigger Warning for discussions of sexual assault and post-assault trauma.

So first things out of the way, I do not believe they should cut it. The changes the show has made are ultimately pretty minor. A character change, order of events swapped. With them sticking as close as they are to the comic, I think it would be a massive problem to skip over it from a story telling standpoint.

From a real world standpoint, it's even more important. Male sexual assault is something that rarely gets depicted properly. It's usually a joke or a moment of triumph and that very much has had an effect on the way we look at it in the real world. And since Invincible is now a show pretty much everybody has their eyes on, choosing not to talk about it would be missing an opportunity to have a very real, very important conversation that very well could educate men on how to navigate and survive what they are going through.

I'm also worried that they'll be too afraid to actually say the word "rape". Lots of modern adaptations delete important discussions like Sokka's sexism or the gender discussions from Cowboy Bebop in order to avoid properly handling them and usually replace them with something worse in a sort of "all bark and no bite" liberalism. Directly saying it as it is is incredibly important to showing that talking about it is not only NOT shameful, but also necessary in getting the help you need and the healing that is necessary to survive.

And from a storytelling standpoint, saying it is important too. The moment where Mark tells Eve what happened is not only great in showing that telling someone is important but is also the moment where Mark is forced to admit the truth to himself. "She raped me." Those three words are a massive turning point for the whole story. Character dynamics change, this becomes a focus for most of Mark's loved ones, and it fundamentally changes his life.

Markus. This is a piece of the puzzle I don't see many talk about. While the rest is a showcase of what to do, Markus as a character is a showcase of what not to. It is so, so rare that a child conceived of a rape is properly depicted, nevermind discussed. From Mark's POV, he holds no ill will towards his son. He simply wants him to live a life on Earth with his family like he did and just can't be with him because he is needed in space. But to Markus, his dad hates him. He thinks his father keeps him on Earth so that he doesn't have to think about him. And this idea of his father's disgust contorts his image of himself. He begins to feel self-hatred, hatred towards his mother for making him this way, and hatred towards his father for abandoning him and leaving him to despise what he sees in the mirror. "You made Terra with love. I was made with hate."

Whether Mark meant it or not, his neglect of Markus ruined his early life. No matter how many friends he made, what groups he joined, they could never fill that hole. He idolized his father. I mean, how could he not? His father was, IS a great hero. A man who was out at that very moment leading the movement for universal peace. But because Mark barely visited him, he only had an idea of what his father was like. A man who sacrificed so much to help the world, who fought in space and yet still managed to save the Earth dozens of times. A man who had the time to help everyone and yet couldn't make time for him.

(Important edit: in no way do I mean to say Mark is obligated to be a part of his son's life, I meant that Mark chooses to be there but ultimately fails to do so and that causes issues)

And don't get me wrong, this story has some pretty glaring flaws. For example I think they tried a little too hard to teach Mark that the person who hurt him is human too and has positively affected the lives of many. Like absolutely there is a conversation to be had there but because they had to move on with the plot they kinda just went "HEY MARK DON'T BE SAD SHE'S COOL NOW AND ALSO SHE'S DEAD SO THERE'S NO POINT IN LINGERING OKAY BYYEEEEE". But I think instead of these flaws scaring the show away they should invite the show forward. It's an opportunity to improve on the story and discussions rather than shy away from it.

Oh and also harking back to my previous point in paragraph 2, there's another aspect that makes it stand out in an important discussion. If I'm remembering correctly, the comic makes it pretty clear that Mark could have overpowered Anissa but didn't for a couple of reasons, namely not wanting to hurt her. And that is SO important and SO rare. A discussion surrounding an assault victim who could have fought back but didn't where the victim is NOT portrayed as in the wrong and in fact just as worthy to be traumatized as any other victim is SO DAMN IMPORTANT and could legit change a lot in the way we look at these topics.

So yeah, I think the series should adapt it. Also I think it would be great if they brought on actual victims and experts and whatnot so their depiction could be just that much more focused around what needs to be said. Sorry if all this read as klunky, I have a lot of thoughts bouncing around up here that I kinda just spewed onto the page with no particular order. I'm also obviously not the most educated on the topic. My personal experiences with this were relatively minor and not something I've ever felt comfortable addressing. And yeah I know it's important no matter how "small" or "minor" it seems and I'm not trying to downplay any of that but I just don't really have the words to phrase that differently. Which is exactly why I think we NEED education and discussions about this stuff so that we DO know the words to navigate the topic.

[spideyladman]

Made these after a mental breakdown 💀

[muffinsandpages]

A word about Neil Gaiman. This is not my take on anything, just how I want to proceed as someone who blogs about books and has read/was planning to read his books because I enjoy them.

First of all, what he did (and I believe he did do it) is disgusting. There is no other way around it.

I see the term "parasocial relationship" being thrown around a lot lately. I've been around fandom spaces for quite while now, and I've learnt to keep my distance from that: I may know about an artist, but I'll never actually know them. At the same time, though, art has value because of the people who create it and the reasons why they create it. This is an oversemplification, but I hope it explains why I can't just say "we need to separate the art from the artist" even though I never considered myself the artist's best friend.

So, in short, I decided that I will still be consuming his art, privately. I won't directly promote it and I won't buy anything new, but I won't burn the books I already own either. I will be aware of the kind of person who's behind them while I read them, of course, and that will certainly influence the way I see them. I think it's the same approach I have when reading about authors such as Orwell.

I know this is a "middle ground" decision that sounds weird in this little corner of the polarized internet, but life isn't a soccer match, there aren't just two teams and you have to pick one. Life is complicated and disgusting and beautiful and messy and sometimes you have to work with what you have.

Also, listen to victims, believe victims

[feroshgirlsims]

Chapter 4.4 - Dating for Weirdos

ALICE

After dinner, they wander into the record store next to Annie Jo’s. Alice doesn’t mean to confess her every sin while some chick in a flower crown browses records, and Vlad stares at her like she’s from another planet, but it happens.  

“I have a temper,” she says, “Just so you know the true me. And I don’t have good follow-through. I promise things, but my brain is like Swiss cheese. I get bored really fast, and I’m overly ambitious.”

She means to keep things light, to make her absolute hot-messness into a joke, but in her rush to address Vlad’s silent stare, what pours out of her mouth is more akin to a holy unburdening—

—Everything about herself that she thinks is wrong, every deviation and odd habit. 

And the worst part is that Jeffery’s snide tone is narrating it inside her head. 

Why? Why did she say those things? This is not the real her. The real Alice has a good sense of humor! The real Alice can get through an evening without trashing herself! 

“So, amongst the other things you named,” Vlad begins, speaking slowly as if he can’t believe how fucking crazy she is. “You want me to know that you’re not a hoarder or a thief, but you do like shiny things and saucy toys, and so you keep any items you come across hidden in a hollowed-out book along with your vibrator like some sort of sex-addled magpie.”

Behind him, the woman in the flower crown winces. 

“I’m pretty sure I just said sex magpie,” Alice argues weakly.

Vlad nods. “You’re right. The ‘addled’ part was my own narrative flourish. Specificity is important.”

“I’m sorry,” she croaks. “You can go if you want.”

“Go where?” 

“Away from this date. I told you I was chill, but I made it weird, and if you couldn’t already guess, I’m a total fucking shitshow.”

Vlad pauses and then walks back to the record table and leans on it, beckoning her closer. “Ask me a question.”

Behind him, the chick in the flower crown inches towards the door. 

Alice pins her with a glare. She doesn’t get to end her eavesdropping before Vlad shares his own dark, embarrassing secrets. And if he wants to be that close while he does it, then so be it. Satisfied that she won’t make a run for it, Alice focuses on him. “Do you hide your sex toys?”

“No. My preference is to masturbate after a long bath with a copy of A History of the War of Willow Creek and Untamed Treachery of the Heart.” 

“Excuse me, what?” Alice laughs, forgetting her earlier outburst, “A history book about a war can’t possibly be good jerk-off material.”

“General Payne won the battle. It was a violent and prolonged campaign. It puts me in a good mood.”

Alice is cackling so hard she can’t breathe. “What about Wands of Desire? Or The Wolf Next Door?”

“Nowhere near enough murder to get me off.”

He is completely unhinged. It’s an insane answer. It takes Alice a full five minutes to calm down. 

“I’m laughing with the true you, not at you,” she assures him.

“You’re laughing,” he replies, stepping closer to her, “And while you included it on your list of faults, I like the sound of it.”

The butterflies flutter. He’s giving her that look again. For a second, she worries he’ll try to touch her, and she’ll have to suppress her flinch or else explain why sometimes, even after a whole year, it still happens.

But he doesn’t. He just watches her, drinking her in like his thirst is quenched simply by looking. 

“I should warn you upfront that my murder count is very low. Technically zero,” she replies, her voice breathless.

“For you, I would make an exception.” His gaze flicks to her lips, “And don’t worry, Magpie. I like the true you, too.”

PREV | NEXT

(Part 4 of 4)

[iwozlegit]

|| 🍍• Interesting foreshadowing in the Hazbin Hotel Poison music video…

The clip is super quick but in that one scene where Valentino and Angel are…you know…Angel is holding clinging onto Valentino with all his hands, whereas Valentino isn’t holding or touching Angel at all…

Image below the cut for obvious reasons…

This rocked my shit the wrong way I’m still sobbing for Angel tbh

That’s two people who view each other and their relationship dynamic very differently and it’s so soul destroying

[uncanny-tranny]

You know how infuriating it is to read a paper or talk to somebody about human sex and they say that intersex people are "beyond the scope" of the discussion? Like... exactly how are intersex people going to be excluded, if we're talking about human sex?

[frownyalfred]

If a Alpha was knotted would it hurt them?

Theoretically? Not if they were well prepared ahead of time. But it wouldn't be as smooth and easy as knotting an omega. Then again, I have read a/b/o fics where knotting always hurts at first, even with omegas -- the sudden change in width hurts and then it shifts into something good? I'm not a fan of that, because I don't think sex should always have to hurt a little. That's not fair.

[iheartpeppino]

You know what's really scary about Maurice Spaghetti?

He has a son, Maurice Spaghetti Jr.

This means Maurice has had sex at least once in his life, because I'm pretty sure he's too selfish to adopt a kid. That... terrifies me.

I feel so bad for Maurice Jr.'s mother...

[rickktish]

Today my mom and I finished the 90’s superman TV show Lois and Clark and it’s a really great series and I think every superman fan ever should watch it because Henry Cavill has nothing on Dean Cain, but that’s not actually what this post is about. This post is about the fact that in a pre-Superboy Jon Kent world, the central arc of Clark Kent’s character was that he wanted a family of his own, and this culminates in (spoilers) the last episode being centered on the question of what to do about having kids since Clark’s biology is not compatible with humans’ for making babies, and my anthropology major brain couldn’t not analyze this through a gender/sexuality lens since I took a class all about the cultural impact of gender and media portrayals of it.

Here’s the thing: in the vast majority of media (I almost said western media but then I thought about it more and I think it’s actually pretty darn universal) infertility is a female plotline. It’s one of the few plots that is inherently feminine in nature because for so much of history we’ve viewed infertility as a woman’s concern. If a man and a woman can’t have a child, after all, it must be something wrong with her, right? (Ha. Ha. Ha. It’s not funny, actually.) But this means that this silly little superman show from the 90’s is portraying an infertility plot line, but the problem isn’t the female character’s fertility, it’s her husband’s. Except that since fertility is an “inherently” feminine plot line, we get almost no emotional impact of this news on Clark himself. Lois, after all, is the one who spent the second to last episode going through the question of whether or not she’s ready to have children and deciding that she is. It could perhaps be argued that this is because Clark has been ready for a while, because a family is all that he wants, but I think it’s also because the question of a working woman choosing to have a child is, culturally speaking, a very different question to a man choosing to have a child, and has been since women became acceptable in the work place.

Here’s my point though: Clark gets the news that he can’t reproduce with Lois, goes to talk to her, and ends up holding her as she mourns this loss of something they were hoping for. She doesn’t comfort him, except by coming up with actions they can take to try to get around their incompatible biology. Lois is the one who gets to mourn, while Clark continues to emphasize that they will be okay no matter what because they love each other. And all I could think about watching this was how removed Clark was from his own fertility. How completely separated he was from it. Because in spite of the issue being his fertility and not hers, Lois is the one who gets to have an emotional arc about it, because she is the woman in the story.

One of the solutions they come up with is to ask Lois’s father, who (in rare fashion) is not a general but instead a handy-dandy generalized “scientist,” to see if there’s anything he can come up with for them. In order to do so, though, they need to reveal to him that Clark is Superman. The whole scene where they’re trying to figure out how to tell him feels a little bit queer, because I can see a modern writer turning everything from it into a trans reveal instead of a secret identity, but that’s a little beside the point. The point is that still, at no point does Clark seem distressed for himself, but instead for how Lois feels about all this— up to and including the point about her mother’s lack of maturity meaning that she doesn’t feel safe telling her they’re trying to have a baby or that they’re facing infertility.

And from all this, somehow all I can think of is how far we’ve culturally removed men from power over their own fertility. It feels like the only things that get discussed on the news or in shows, up to and including the abortion issue, is women’s fertility. We rarely talk about giving men education about and control over their fertility, only women. Women’s bodies, women’s rights, but what about the fact that the men don’t seem to be attached enough to their own fertility to know or even consider what they can do to control it for themselves? I actually wonder if the requirement (historical or present, depending on where you live) for women to get permission from their husbands to get their tubes tied has more to do with men’s fertility than with their wives’, because in some ways it seems that the only control a man is offered over his own fertility in our culture is by exerting control over his wife. There’s an alienation between men and their ability to procreate that honestly baffles me now that I’ve thought about it. It’s separated from them by their relationship with their partner’s body, and I wonder if somehow giving men more control over their own fertility, and educating them about it and how they can reclaim it from where it has been outsourced to another body, might be a positive step. I wonder if our cultural disconnect between fathers and children might take a few steps if men were taught to view their reproductive systems as more than just pleasure centers, as a part of their personal fertility.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this, I think there’s more to be explored with this idea but I’m not fully prepared to go on the biological tangent with it yet so I think I’m going to leave it at that. I just. What would it take for men to reclaim their own fertility from where it has been culturally outsourced to women’s bodies?

[royal-apple-cider-martini]

Angle quit pressuring Lucifer and Husk!!!

**after the first session with Ozzie**

Lucifer: Okay so we need to work on communication our wants and needs. That sounds like a good place to start!

Angel: *annoyed* I thought we’d would learn some forbidden threesome techniques.

Husk: Angel please. I know you’re disappointed but please try to work with us.

TW: Mature Discussion Below 👇

Angel: I am. And I want more physical intimacy with the men I love. Cuddles and tickles ain’t doing it anymore.

Lucifer: Thank you letting us know! And I also want to give you that intimacy Angel. I really do. But I also do not want to make any of us uncomfortable.

Husk: I am not ready for that.

Angel: Would you be comfortable if Lucifer and I were intimate?

Husk: *looks visibly uncomfortable* No. because I want to be there for when we finally become physical.

Lucifer: *blushing* Husk. What would make you more comfortable?

Husk: …if you and me were intimate together and I topped.

Lucifer: *blushing even harder*

Angel: Am I in this?!

Husk: Yeah but do you want to top Lucifer or bottom for him!

Angel: Bottom.

Lucifer: *stick in the middle and overheating from blushing too hard* LET’S TRY TO MAKE IT WORK!

[tjodity]

very entertaining to see what characterizations the imperial radch fandom has seemingly universally agreed upon for their smut fics

[myfandomrealitea]

I wanted to ask about something: does the rpf of real minors considered CSEM? If not, does that mean tha CSEM is just refering to pictures of real minors?

That would come down to the legal parameters of where the work was created and/or hosted but in general, no, because no actual minor is being exploited. The 'material' isn't real and there's no visual to try and present it as such.

(In the way that hyper-realistic artwork or photo manipulations would. Technically the material itself is fake but it was created with the aim of presenting it as real, or assumed as real.)

That, and, it can be incredibly difficult to actually manage all the different criteria of what makes it a crime or not, and what qualities tip it over into the league of actionable.

In some countries its technically illegal, but rarely if ever actually prosecuted or acted against. In much the same way that technically, a lot of fan-made merchandise is illegal, but the companies and trademarks only ever enact a strike when the gets 'too big.'

The gist is, barring very few exceptions, and fewer still actual prosecutions, no. It is not.

[bionicle-ramblings]

I've been thinking about the humanized!bionicle post I made, and I got a little inspired by the toa metru x reader post @takuas-eyebrows

This is going to be a humanized because it's easier for me to visualize

TWs will be in the tags, but also heads-up for some suggestive content and discussions of sexuality

Hope you enjoy

Starting with Vakama, because I think about him the most:

You were fairly aware of who Vakama was, having been a crafter while he was in his apprenticeship. He was always more the quiet prodigy, but you were secretly waiting for the day he snapped

It never came

Instead, there was a walk home you two went on because you found him close to either passing out or about to faint and didn't want him getting hurt

To call what you two do, "flirting" is more of a blanket term. Being crafters of some trade, you're both detail ortiented, so a lot of it is just looks and small-ish gestures. No, neither of you has ESP or telepathy, but that doesn't stop you both from being sweet and flirty and gross. It's never public, not too much, but at home, you two practically torture each other and get each other VERY flustered, but there is a line in the sand you never cross

In art displays and museums, Vakama REALLY starts opening up, murmuring about the small, intricate details of a piece of work as if he was telling you a secret or a story. Speaking of, sometimes you two go to bonfires where stories are passed around. No horror stories, most of the time, at least, but he's more the type to listen while others tell their tales. You make it your mission to occasionally tell a story that warrants some visual reaction that's more than a cheeky smirk, as in it leaves him laughing, blushing, completely slack jawed, anything

A lot of your dates are art focused or thrifting; your boy hates when things are thrown away over simple mistakes. Guidided paintings are fun for you both because of how focused you both get and seeing each other so locked in over a painting. Some light teasing is thrown between you two, enough that you have to try not to burst out laughing in a room full of people

Speaking of teasing, you either can't handle spice very well or you enjoy it as much as he does, and that leads to little games between you two where you see who can hold a piece of pepper in your mouths without eating it longer. More often than not, you have to be told to spit your piece out or just eat it and get it over with, but you have tried dirty tricks to tey winning, as in pretending to throw water in Vakama's face, reaching over to tickle his neck, poking him, et cetera

It's the previously mentioned detail orientation that also helped you figure out he was a Toa, and the occasional times he'd just disappear and come back sore and scraped up. He's got a city to protect, but you are also in that city. Duty bound as he is, his heart belongs to you

You know he has visions, and you are 100% at his side during the aftermath because of how shaken he gets. You're also threw rubbing/massaging his head because the visions give him headaches. You're always willing to talk about what he saw, maybe talk him through it, but sometimes he'd rather not and has to remind you to back down

It's fair because you have to remind him to open up to you when he's getting stuck in his head and getting snappy. You're not afraid of him, but you do not take well to being snapped at. Needless to say, you can put Vakama in his place without hurting him or yourself. Best comparison is in the face of a flaming muaka, you rein him in with scorn and, at worst, "Are you done?" (Years of being confronted by other crafters taught you well)

You two thankfully rarely argue, but reconciling afterward always brings you two closer. Arguments usually boil down to Vakama just wanting you to be safe because you're one of the few remnants of his old life that he has left and you wanting to take some weight off of of his shoulders because you can protect yourself and, regardless of Vakama's wishing for his life back, you're not going anywhere

You two are fairly cuddly with each other, mainly because there's a HUGE feeling of, "Hold onto me right now." You two also just take turns being pillows for each other as well, so there's that. It's nice to run your fingers through Vakama's and fidget with his braids, and nice to feel the same from him, only he's braiding your hair as well. You're both intimate in that you kiss each other like you're memorizing everything you both are and holding each other like you're all you have left. Vakama isn't repulsed by sex by any means, he just doesn't get why it's necessary when they are other ways to show someone you love them, and some of those ways are more meaningful than that. You two do try it once and, in a more literary way of putting it, you feel as if you are the only being in existence to have touched fire and not be burned by it

The other Toa never thought Vakama had a legitimate partner, for many, MANY reasons, all ranging from he didn't come off to them as the type to be dating, lacked the confidence, and even somehow found someone who tolerated how cross-wired he was. There is some nonsense from Onewa and Matau in that they "borrow" you to do recon and flirt with you in front of Vakama, but they back off when they see him staring at them like he wants to burn them. He doesn't, he just spaced out, and you prove it by breaking him out of it