#tw like talk of self harm but not cutting

[meraki-yao]

Dropping in to say your crying at the vows Payneland was SUPERB! Is it too late for 🤬 Payneland? If so no stress at all! Your writing is awesome!

Hi! Oh my God, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the last one! Thank you for the prompt and sorry for this being late!

🤬Argument with a family member

This is a human/alive AU by the way!

TW: Paul Rowland being a homophobic, abusive asshole, homophobic slurs

Charles freezes, his fiancé’s hand tightening on his arm. Standing in front of their wedding venue entrance, arguing with the security, is his father who he hasn’t seen in years. After struggling through university on his own and meeting Edwin Payne, he took off and ran far away from home, cutting all contact with his parents while building a new home with the love of his life. A few years down the line, he and Edwin created a cipher to communicate with his mother. But throughout all of this, they have deliberately steered clear of his father. His father, who beat him senseless; his father, who locked his lanky teenage self in the basement that he lived in since he was five; his father, who nearly ripped his pierce off his ear, calling him homophobic slur years before he came to terms with his bisexuality. After Charles confessed his trauma after a particularly violent nightmare, Edwin had held him and promised that he would never let Paul Rowland near him ever again. Charles had gripped his boyfriend’s waist and promised the same: he cannot ever let his father lay a hand on sweet, gentle, loving Edwin. But he’s here now, at their rehearsal dinner, and he can’t help but freeze at the sight. Why? How? What is he doing here? How did he find him out after so long? What do I do now? Charles’ eyes meet his dad’s and the next thing he knows, Paul Rowland is pushing the security guard to the ground and comes marching their way, the rage on his face horrifyingly familiar. He has to move, he has to leave, he has to protect Edwin— But he can’t move. He’s frozen in place, legs turned to jelly. He wants to scream and cry but only quick puffs of breaths come out. Just before his dad can shout a curse at them, Edwin suddenly steps forward, pushing Charles behind him. “Excuse me, sir.” He says eerily calmly, which is a sign that he’s actually angry. “I don’t believe you’re invite to this function. You are trespassing right now, please kindly leave the premise before we have to call the authorities.” “Move out of the way, you fag. I’m here to talk to my son.” Paul Rowland growls, and Charles flinches, he wants to grab Edwin’s hand and run. “As you can clearly see, Charles does not want to talk to you. Now, leave.” Edwin continue, not phased by the slur. “CHARLES! YOU FUCKING USELESS PIECE OF SHIT, HIDING BEHIND A FAIRY?” The familiar roar rings in Charles’ ear. He can’t fucking breathe oh God oh fuck— BAM! Edwin, his sweet Edwin who has always gravitated to words, who he has tried to get into boxing without much success, punches his dad square in the jaw. Both Rowlands stare at him in shock. “YOU FUCKER! HOW DARE YOU—” “No, you listen here.” Edwin states, a dangerous edge in his voice. “We have given you multiple warnings. I will not allow you to come here, ruin our joyous occasion and do any harm to my fiancé, physical or otherwise. The police can deal with you now, we’re done here.” He lays a hand on Charles’ back, gentle despite the situation, and leads him away as the police who have finally arrived come and pull his dad away for questioning. They’ll need to provide their recount too, but Edwin insisted that they’ll deal with that later. They enter the dressing room of the venue where Charles collapses onto a chair. Edwin kneels before him, hand cupping his cheek, thumb swiping under his eyes. “Charles, please tell me what’s going on.” “No, it’s nothing, I’ll be fine I— Holy shit, Edwin, you punched my dad!” “Yes well, I very well couldn’t stand there and let him cause you even more distress, and he was clearly not going to listen to a word I say, sometimes actions do speak louder than words.” Charles pulls Edwin into his lap and wraps his arm around his waist, nose buried in his neck, breathing the familiar scent. Edwin’s hand goes to his curls as he presses kisses on to the top of his head. God, how lucky is he, to have such a wonderful person to call his? “We’ll be alright, my love,” Edwin whispers. “I promise, we’ll be alright.” Charles has never doubted him.

[hollyhomburg]

The only way I can describe the condition of my brain today is if someone took a chewed up ball of gum, dropped it off of a 30 story building, and then scraped it off of the sidewalk with a fragile toothpick.

[stupidg0th]

vent!!

[born-to-lose]

[icedmetaltea]

I think I made a very bad mistake

[fagcrisis]

still trying to pin down the emotion i get when i see someone with scars that are clearly from cutting (bonus points if theyre on the upper arm like mine) like bc i always wanna be like. im like you! but also. feels weird to bring that up. in public

[soup-is-here]

like fr tho when you talk about ocd symptoms with people who don’t have it you really walking on eggshells🧍‍♀️

Honestly !! Ive had some Gross ones since like 12 years old that I've kept p hidden for years. The amount of times I've heard "you sound insane" just from family members?? Like damn I guess I'll go be distressed without any adult emotional support then

The only person I talk about the bad ones with now is my therapist so I don't ruin my Well-Adjusted persona

[s0re-loser]

Remaining positive but the suicidal ideation is hitting

[barrelrollgif]

break from normal posting but this is important (TW: self harm)

tip for people who self harm by scratching themselves with their nails but want to stop:

if you cannot will yourself to stop, clip your nails really short. not short enough that your nail bed bleeds, but short enough to make scratching very difficult. (make sure you also file away any sharp edges) it might be frustrating at first, since the inability to cause pain was frustrating to me. it did help me stop though. it basically lets you have the motion without the damage.

also, another option, though it is less discrete, is wearing soft gloves. this does basically the same thing but you don’t have to clip your nails (unless they’re very long) or feel the feeling of your skin pressing against the top of your nail.

anyway, i hope things get better in your world. scratching yourself doesn’t make you bad or any less human. it is your response to stress. i will admit that self harm is an unhealthy response to stress.

i believe that you can break out of this habit. i broke out of it. it was very hard. many times i wanted to rend my legs to the bone. i gave in sometimes and scraped myself raw. but i did get out and if you start taking the little steps i believe that you can get out too. i went on the journey alone. it was terrifying. no one should ever go through this alone. please reach out if you need support. you deserve support and you are not selfish for wanting it.

[emlos]

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[disarminglybright]

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[jackinalex]

no one understands me like vic fuentes i fear

[thatsalotofdragons]

some other feeling to see it written down that disrupting healing + excessive scratching/picking at skin counts as self harm

[toastsnaffler]

didn't even get to do my ironing :-(

[im-miss-sugar-pink]

just got such a strong urge to end it all im

[scarletcomet]

the mental illness is making me very mentally ill today