#tw: implied/referenced disordered eating

[spncompostheap]

These Days

(Inspired by Misha Collins’s poem of the same title)

Cas Novak meets Dean Winchester two weeks after his sixth birthday in first grade. Having never been terribly good at making friends, Seeing Dean on the first day of school inspires Cas to try getting it right that much harder this time. Although their friendship starts off a bit rocky due to Dean’s general unfriendliness, Cas quickly learns that Dean’s whole tough guy routine is mostly just a cover for his overwhelming shyness. 

One day during lunchtime, when Cas tracks Dean down on the playground, he is unsurprised to find the other boy sitting alone. With a rehearsed monologue playing inside his head, Cas musters up the courage to approach Dean, hoping to convince him why they should be friends.

After reciting the words under his breath a few more times, he approaches Dean. He almost misses what the other boy is doing until they're suddenly face to face.

“Hello, Dean, I’m Cas Novak and-”

When Cas looks up to greet his potential new friend, his broad smile fades quickly upon realizing that Dean is elbow-deep in the trash can, trying to snag someone else's sandwich. Dean ducks his head, clearly embarrassed, until Cas offers his lunch box as an alternative.

“Here, have mine,” Cas says.

“Dad always packs me too much, anyway. Or at least that's why Mom says I’m getting so fat-”

“You're not fat, Cas,” Dean says, his voice unexpectedly gentle as he peeks inside Cas’s lunch box.

“But this is a lot of food… Could we maybe share it?”

“Certainly, Dean,” Cas says, scooting up close next to the other boy.

Together, they share peanut butter fluff sandwiches and Capri Suns and talk about comic books for the rest of recess. From that day on, Cas brings food for himself and Dean to share every day, and before long, the two have become inseparable.

***

Third grade is challenging for Cas when his parents’ marriage abruptly falls apart without warning. By mid-November, the yelling, screaming, and slamming of doors gets so intense that Cas is beside himself over how to cope. Sneaking around the kitchen at night, Cas steals as much food as he can carry. Eating becomes the only thing that helps him feel more in control, calming some of his inner chaos, if only temporarily. 

For the next few months, whenever his parents' arguing becomes too loud, Cas goes on autopilot, and his stomach becomes a black hole until he’s so full that his worries evaporate. Soon, Cas’s mindless eating becomes a nightly occurrence. But even when whole loaves of bread, jugs of milk, and cereal boxes go missing overnight, no one seems the wiser. 

By Springtime, everyone in Mr. MacLeod’s class notices how chubby Cas is getting and feels the need to point it out to him. Dean is the only one who focuses on the more subtle changes in his friend's behavior, like how uncharacteristically quiet, sad, and withdrawn he’s become. 

As time passes, Dean becomes increasingly determined to help his friend and invites Cas over to his house after school. The two spend hours watching movies, playing video games, and enjoying each other's company. Dean is relieved that Cas doesn't comment about his small, dingy apartment or complain about his younger brother Sammy constantly being underfoot. Dean is relieved when he sees Cas starting to relax a little until John comes home early and ruins everything.

"Jesus, Dean, can’t you do any better than hanging out with this fat loser all the time?" John slurs, hovering in the doorway and reeking of alcohol.

Biting down hard on his lower lip, Dean feels caught in the middle. While he wants to defend Cas, he's also keenly aware that any kind of talking back will make matters worse. He knows firsthand what a mean drunk John can be. 

Cas looks down and remains silent, but Dean can see the hurt in his eyes. Slowly standing up, Dean feels a surge of anger and wants to say something - anything that might make Cas feel safe again. Instead of lashing out, Dean turns to Cas and watches him closely. At the first sign of tears, Dean realizes there's nothing he can even do because the damage is already done.

After a tense moment, John grumbles something unintelligible and retreats to his room, leaving Dean and Cas alone once more. Dean sighs, feeling a mix of frustration and sadness. He hates seeing Cas treated this way, especially in his own home. Turning to Cas, he offers an apologetic look.

"I'm really sorry about that, Cas," Dean says softly. 

"It's okay, Dean. I'm used to it. My mom says the same kind of things all the time." 

They stop hanging out as much after the incident with John, but Dean remains fiercely protective of Cas at school. It becomes widely known all across the playground that anyone caught teasing Cas about anything will have to deal with Dean personally.

***

Although his parents officially separate at the end of fifth grade, Cas’s appetite only gains momentum over the summer. Snacking almost non-stop from June through August, Cas is officially the biggest kid in middle school by the time fall hits. 

On the first day of sixth grade, Cas gets bullied in the cafeteria about his ever-expanding waistline.

"Hey, piggy-piggy, did you eat the entire lunch lady today?" Gordon Walker says, oinking and grunting in Cas’s direction.

Cas tries to brush it off, but Gordon physically blocks his path, so Cas can’t walk away. 

"He’s almost too fat to function," Kubrick Jones says, grinning like an idiot while all the other kids giggle.

Feeling embarrassed, Cas retreats to the boy’s bathroom to be alone. Dean notices his absence almost immediately and goes looking for him. When Dean finds him, Cas has locked himself inside a bathroom stall and is already bordering on inconsolable.

"Please, tell me what's wrong?" Dean asks, leaning in close enough that their foreheads touch.

"Everyone’s making fun of me, Dean," Cas says softly, averting his eyes to tug down the hem of his t-shirt self-consciously.

"You can’t let them get to you like that, man. They're all just assholes who thrive on being as mean as possible," Dean says, wrapping an arm around his friend.

"And besides, I like your new look; you're kind of turning into a tank," Dean says, smiling. 

"I mean it, seriously, Cas. You're so damn sturdy these days, I bet nothing can stop you."

Cas looks up, surprised by Dean’s words. He had always believed that his weight made him weak, but hearing Dean's reframing of things fills him with a newfound sense of empowerment.

"You really think so?" Cas asks, the hint of a smile flickering across his face.

"I know so," Dean says, pulling Cas into a quick hug.

"You're my best friend, and I wouldn't want you any other way."

Cas feels way more confident in his skin for the rest of that year. He doesn't let the bullies' words bring him down anymore, and he even occasionally starts standing up for himself.

***

Once his parent’s divorce is finalized in eighth grade, Cas's dad, Chuck, attempts to reconnect with him using fast food, baked goods, and candy to win his son's affection. Always encouraging Cas to overindulge whenever they spend time together, what begins as a novelty quickly loses its appeal. 

One day after school, Chuck drives them both to an all-you-can-eat buffet. Cas hesitates, getting out of the car, remembering how much he’s already eaten, but doesn’t want to disappoint his dad. Looping around the restaurant, Cas loads up his tray with a mountain of french fries, chicken strips, and miniature desserts. But the moment he sits down beside his father, Chuck's mood changes as he looks over at his son and frowns.

"Don't tell your mother I let you pig out so much, okay? She won't let me hear the end of it about how fat you're getting," Chuck says.

Cas feels a pang of hurt inside his chest; he already knows he’s overweight without Dad reminding him. He just wants to enjoy this time together without being made to feel guilty about something beyond his control.

"Sure thing," Cas says while shoveling food into his mouth.

"Have you ever considered going out for any sports, Cas?" Chuck asks, his tone filled with misguided concern.

"Sports?" Cas asks, tilting his head to the side out of confusion.

"Yeah, you know, like football, basketball, soccer? You'd probably be pretty good at it once if you slimmed down a bit.” Chuck suggests.

"Umm, I guess so," Cas mumbles, looking down at his suddenly empty plate. Despite feeling uncomfortably full and the painful sensation of elastic biting into his waist, Cas forces himself to stand. Because maybe just one more serving, regardless of what will distract him from the unpleasantness of their conversation.

As they finish their meal and leave the restaurant, Chuck nods, pleased with himself for offering his son such valuable advice. Meanwhile, Cas can't shake off the feeling that he failed to meet expectations again. Longing for a simple way to make his dad proud that's not contingent on his physical appearance.

***

Cas becomes increasingly fixated on his size and appearance. He spends numerous afternoons at the library, immersing himself in research about nutrition, diet, and weight loss, desperately hoping to uncover some way to shrink himself just enough to impress his dad. Unfortunately, the more Cas learns, the more overwhelmed and discouraged he becomes. Finally, the information overload of conflicting advice leaves him spiraling into a destructive cycle of binge eating and shame. 

Cas surrenders to his cravings without restraint, seeking the comfort only food can provide. Before long, he’s outgrown most of his wardrobe, and seeing his own reflection fills him with dread. The person staring back at him has become an unrecognizable stranger, constantly reminding him of his failures and everything he hates about himself. As his body continues to expand without consent, Cas’s self-esteem suffers a devastating blow. Consumed by a profound sadness and despair, he withdraws completely, unable to face his dad, let alone anyone else.

Despite all of this, Dean refuses to give up on their friendship. When Cas stops answering his calls, Dean knows something is wrong. So, armed with the spare house key given to him for emergencies, he takes matters into his own hands. Showing up uninvited, Dean forces his way into Cas’s personal space. Ignoring how much his friend has changed, Dean snuggles beside Cas under the covers of his bed. They lay together in the darkness, not saying a word, every day after school for a week.

Eventually, when Cas does find his voice enough to speak, Dean listens without judgment, trying to understand the depths of his friends' grief. After another week of hiding in bed, Dean gently suggests they go outside. 

“Because it’s springtime out there, Cas and all the flowers and birds are doing their thing, and I know how much you used to enjoy it.”

"I don't know, Dean,” Cas says, unsure if he's ready to face the outside world again.

Dean looks at Cas reassuringly and says, "Hey man, I get it. Shit can be scary, but I'll be right there with you. Who knows, maybe trying something new will make you feel better."

After a moment of contemplation, Cas nods slowly. "Okay, but please understand if I need to return inside."

With Dean by his side, Cas finds the strength to leave his room and go for short walks outside. Cas notices a subtle change in his mood with each step they take. The fresh air and gentle movement help him feel a little better each day. 

[storytellersumayyah]

and grief said goodbye

tw: implied disordered eating, implied/referenced past suicide attempt, negative self image

Tristan could count on his hands the number of real conversations he’d had with his parents since the fire. Most of them had taken place after he walked away from Camilla- and even just thinking of her name made his heart hurt- because they had wanted to know everything. They had accused him of being involved, and that had stung more than anything else. Once they went back to the manor, the conversations centred on his new school.

And after he started, they stopped. Almost completely.

He left before his parents showed their faces. When he returned, he went straight to his room to do his work, and he never saw them in the living room working together. They would eat dinner together, but words were never exchanged. And their seats had changed. Victoria sat at the head. James on her right. Tristan two seats away. He knew why they still sat together. No matter how much his parents hated him for what he served as a reminder of, they would not let him get physically worse.

It made him angrier than if they had just left.

When they did speak, it was short sentences. Brief questions. One word answers. Victoria never called him by his name. James never called him Laurie. He never reminded them of what they were supposed to be for him. His father, who had once been grateful that Tristan was there, if only so his wife remembered they were married, seemed like he couldn’t wait for Tristan to leave. His mother didn’t even acknowledge his presence enough to despise it.

He didn’t ask them for anything. When he got an email saying his bank statement was ready to view, he took a deep breath and opened it. The balance had increased. The money was from James. Not Victoria.

He didn’t ask for anything because he would not be given it, and everything he needed, he worked out himself.

But there was something he couldn’t do alone. No matter how many hours he spent trawling the internet, no matter how much research he did, he couldn’t find the information. Anywhere. It was like the details had been wiped. For all he knew, they probably had.

He needed to ask.

So he waited. Until his mother switched on him again. Until his father called him Laurie. Until they asked what the letter had said. Until they told him they had filled in the documents for his college loans. Until they did something. But they didn’t.

He had stared death in the eye once and he had lived.

Maybe he could do it again.

“I need to talk to Mr Carter,” he announced at dinner.

Both his parents stopped eating.

“No,” James said, completely flat.

“It’s important.”

“I don’t care how important it is, we are not communicating with that man ever again,” Victoria snapped. She hadn’t recovered. She blamed Mr Carter for what happened more than she blamed Camilla. In her eyes, Camilla was just a girl. Mr Carter had encouraged and aided her project and nothing would undo that. Not even the testimony he had delivered in front of everyone who mattered, vouching for them.

“I need him.”

“You don’t,” James said. It was sharper. Almost like he knew what Mr Carter had been to his son.

But Tristan did. Mr Carter told him that he’d taken certain information from everyone’s files before they physical ones were destroyed in the fire and the digital ones as a result of the closure. He said if there was ever anything they needed, he would tell them.

He had sent the photographs taken at the dance a few months after Christmas. Tristan had hidden them from his parents. He’d told himself he would destroy them, but someone had captured the moment Camilla lit up as she told him how things had changed. And in that photo, he was smiling.

That was the version of them he wanted to remember. So he kept them all.

“I need him to tell Camilla-“

“You will not mention that girl if you want to stay here,” Victoria cut in.

“Mom. Please. Just this once. I just- I need him to tell her, I need him to try and tell her that I was wrong. That it was never her fault. And I shouldn’t have said it was. Because it wasn’t. It wasn’t because she is good and she is loving and I forgive her for what happened because my actions were not her fault and she needs to let go of the fear because it doesn’t deserve and-“ he took a deep breath.

“Tristan?” James kept his voice level.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I need her to know. Please.”

“Tristan,” Victoria said.

“Mom. Please. I will never bring either of them up again. Please.”

She didn’t reply.

“Dad,” he whispered, trying to remind his father of who they used to be.

“Tristan.” Victoria said his name again. Tristan hated it. His name felt like a death sentence. A prophecy he was doomed to fulfil. Sadness. That was his name.

“Please,” he tried, one last time.

“Just this once, I will allow it.”

He couldn’t believe her. “What? Why?”

“Because you need it. Because Camilla does as well. Because that is a heavy thing to carry. Because you have forgiven yourself, and you have forgiven her, and she deserves to know. Because nobody deserves to feel guilty or ashamed when they did the best they could,” Victoria said, and she looked at James as she gave her final reason. James looked down. Tristan knew they were both thinking of the summer, and sentences they couldn’t take back.

“Because you are our son. And this is the only thing you have asked us for since you came back,” James added.

Even though the manor was not home, and even though it wasn’t enough to make up for any of their mistakes, Tristan smiled.

And in that moment, grief wandered out of his room.

Two weeks later, and an ocean away, Camilla unlocked the front door to her first and real home with a deep sigh. Things at school were still tense and she was growing tired of it. She hadn’t been able to warn anyone she was returning, which had led to a mix of reactions, but Ari was trying her best, even as she kept him at arms length.

She’d broken him once. She wouldn’t do it again. Not after Tristan.

But there was no time to think of Tristan. Her A-Levels were just around the corner (well, they were a few months away, but same difference) and she needed Cambridge more than they needed her. Which meant meeting her grade requirements as a bare minimum.

She was going to go straight to her room, but then her mother called her from the living room. She had been so caught up in wondering what had happened to Tristan- she sometimes wished she had his number, but it would’ve killed her if he’d blocked it so perhaps it was for the best- that she hadn’t even noticed the pair of shoes next to hers.

She went into the living room. Her mum was sitting on the sofa, phone in her hands.

“Hey mama.”

“How was school?” She asked, almost nervously.

Camilla shrugged, awkwardly standing in the doorway. Her parents had forgiven her for her role to play in Tristan’s downfall. They had forgiven her for her role to play in the destruction that was caused. She would forever be grateful that they didn’t hate her, and forever scared that she would never be good enough to make them forget.

“I received a message today. From Mr Carter.”

Everything around her froze. Mr Carter had helped her. He had wiped away the tears that spilt on her eighteenth birthday. He had read her personal statement and had faith in her and told Tristan to run and let her slip away. But he had also broken her. She had cried the first time Mr Kennedy told her it was okay she got something so easy wrong because she was convinced he would call her stupid. He had knelt down before her and the image still terrified her.

She never wanted to hear from him again. The photo of her and Tristan, both realising they could be soft and accept who they were, was tucked away in her room, but that was the only thing from him she would keep. All the lessons he taught, all the lies he told, she would forget.

“What did he say?”

“Tristan-“ and that name still hurt but she couldn’t let her mother know how much they had meant to each other so she just kept her face as neutral as she could, which wasn’t very but it had to be enough.

Her mother wasn’t continuing.

“Tristan?”

“I don’t understand what it means. But Mr Carter said that Tristan needs you to know that it wasn’t your fault, and it was never your fault. He said he crossed a line when he told you it was and he’s sorry.”

Camilla did something she hadn’t done in what felt like a lifetime.

She cried in front of her mother.

She couldn’t help it. But she had been carrying the secret since she returned. Her parents hadn’t heard the conversation. Jonathan and Adelaide had assumed he was acting on pure emotion, but Camilla had heard the things he wasn’t saying. She had heard the way it was more than just a way to hurt her. She had heard the belief.

To know it was false, that he hadn’t meant it, that it was never real, convinced her that she could be good again. She could be soft. She could move on.

And so could he.

But then her mother did something that she hadn’t done in a lifetime either.

She stood up, and she walked over to her daughter.

And she hugged her.

And she didn’t let go, even as Camilla’s knees gave out because of the pure relief she was filled with.

“Come on babu. Just let it go. It’s okay.”

She didn’t bother wiping the tears away. Camilla needed them.

When she calmed down enough to talk, she sighed and pulled away slightly. “Can you tell him I said thank you?”

Her mother’s initial review of Mr Carter had been glowing, but when Camilla accidentally let slip that he had called her a stupid girl, she became his biggest hater. So it was a long shot, but she nodded and Camilla smiled.

It was the first real one since they’d come back, and for her mother, it was like watching her baby’s milestone all over again.

“Do you see what this means? Tristan has forgiven himself. He has forgiven you. Your father and I have forgiven you too. All that is left is for you to forgive yourself. You are allowed to do that Camilla. I promise.”

Camilla nodded. “I know I can.”

And for once, she wasn’t lying. She forgave herself, on the floor of her living room. In the original uniform she was meant to wear. With her mother, in her shalwar kameez because she didn’t let anyone take anything from her, hugging her.

And in that moment, grief walked out her front door.

-

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[eoieopda]

table for two | lsm

seokmin thinks recovery looks beautiful on you.

pairing: lee seokmin x reader au: established relationship, slice of life genre: fluff, hurt/comfort (sort of?) type: drabble | 860 words rating: pg-13 — minors still do not have my consent to interact. content: gn!reader; reader’s physical appearance is not described in any way; seokmin is the best of all boys; food/beer mention + consumption; seokmin’s pov. tw: reader is referenced to be in recovery (implied to be for an unnamed eating disorder) ! there are no depictions of disordered eating; however, seokmin thinks about things reader no longer does ! specifically, this references the absence of past distraction tactics (pushing food around plate, picking up a bite and setting it back down during conversation) ! seokmin notes that reader sits with him for over an hour after eating, rather than disappearing (reference to implied history of purging) ! a/n: this is deeply, deeply, deeply personal. i wrote this because i need comfort; and i am posting it publicly in case it can be source of comfort for someone else. it is based on my personal experience and may not be reflective of any other person’s experience. please review the tw’s and skip this drabble if you believe any part of this will make you uncomfortable or unsafe. if you are based in the u.s., this website has resources that may be helpful for you. multi permanent taglist. seventeen permanent taglist.

Seokmin is at the stove with a wooden spatula in hand when he feels your arms slither around his waist. The warmth of your cheek presses into the space between his shoulder blades, just like the tiny, contented sigh you breathe out. Without the sizzling pan in front of him, he might’ve given into the urge to go boneless; to melt into your hold, like marshmallow over a campfire.

Gooey may not be glamorous, but it’s the best way to describe how he feels around you.

“What are you making?” You mumble from behind him, curiosity evident despite how muffled your words are

He bites his lips to keep from grinning. Really, he doesn’t want to make it a big deal, but it is. This might be the first time you’ve ever asked him that question with interest, rather than carefully-cloaked dread. The first time you sound genuinely eager.

If his heart gets any warmer, it’ll burn his —

“Dakgalbi!” And even though you can’t see him do it, Seokmin wiggles his eyebrows for emphasis as he lilts, “With a special ingredient.”

You pull your cheek from its resting place, thankfully without removing your arms. He cranes his neck to meet your eyes over his shoulder just in time for you to snort, “Love?”

Well…

Honestly, it’s no surprise that you catch his cheesy joke before he can properly drop it. He’s cast this line at you a million times before — and that’s a conservative estimate. 

Seokmin paints on an exaggerated frown, blinking his wide fake-offended eyes back at you. “My halmoni’s kimchi,” he says through a pout.

You nod appreciatively, then you kiss the pout right off his face, leaving Seokmin to wonder if you’re really talking about fermented cabbage when you sigh, “The best there is.”

The distraction you create is more than welcome, but the dish he’s neglecting starts sputtering in an ominous way that demands immediate attention. Reluctantly, he turns back around to stir. Even more reluctantly, you withdraw your arms from him; your soft footsteps pad off somewhere he can’t see.

Then, he hears a cabinet open.

Then, the distinct clink of two bowls being lifted from the shelf.

Two bowls, Seokmin notes, and he’s unable to fight off a grin this time.

Once the chicken and sweet potatoes are thoroughly cooked, you reappear at his side with two bowls at the ready. Two portions are doled out carefully to avoid spilling any sauce on the counter, then two pairs of chopsticks replace the wooden spatula in his hand.

You sit together at your small kitchen table, and it feels natural now, like this is something you’ve always done. It’s not; it’s a recent development, but there’s an ease to it all now that wasn’t there before.

Seokmin’s instincts tell him to be cool about it. To not stare lovingly at you, as much as he may want to, because that spot-lighted attention would freak him out, too. But even without watching outright, he notices the thousand little hard-fought changes.

When you pick up a large bite of chicken between your chopsticks, you don’t distract with a question or joke just to set the bite back down, undetected. You chew that bite, making some thoroughly delighted sound, and then you take another one.

You don’t push the food around in your bowl, either, but eat your fill from it. Once you do, you don’t disappear. Instead, you stay put, laughing through the rest of the hour while Seokmin eats his first and second servings. You’re present, accounted for, and best of all, happy to be here.

This isn’t the first meal you’ve spent like this — Seokmin trusts implicitly that it won’t be the last — and yet he still feels pride bubble up in his chest in a way that makes his tear ducts tingle. Again, he reminds himself to be cool about it. He clears his throat, as if it’s the gochugaru affecting him and not his admiration for you, and he takes a sip of the beer you decided pairs best with the stir-fry.

Licking the excess foam from his lips, Seokmin sets his glass down and looks up at you. The echoing sip you take is earnest, rather than performative, and it’s followed by a sigh that sounds relieved.

“I love you, you know,” he states plainly.

I’m so fucking proud of you, he implies.

“I know.” You shrug, then the nonchalance gives way to a giggle. Your shoulder knocks gently into his before you lean closer and rest your head there. “Ditto.”

Seokmin rests his cheek against the top of your head. His eyes flutter shut in the comfortable silence that follows, too full and content to even think of doing dishes.

After spending a few minutes that way, you speak again — softly, because you know he startles easily: “It’s supposed to rain tomorrow.”

“Oh?” He asks without a clue where this train of thought is heading.

“Perfect pajeon weather. We should make some, don’t you think?”

What Seokmin thinks is that recovery looks beautiful on you.

Nodding minimally to avoid shaking your head along with his, he agrees, beaming all the while. “Perfect indeed.”

[insoukokuhell-434]

Chuuya Takes Care of Dazai Fics

Includes:

Emotional Hurt/Comfort (long term & immediate)

Physical Hurt/Comfort

The format I’m using is:

Title - writer (ao3 link) Fic length Time period (teen/mafia skk, 22! Skk, all ages) Additional tags (Tags in bold added by me for extra info) TW

Some fics have parts of the summary/ comments added for additional info

Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Long Term (multiple instances)

hey look, the sky's falling apart - saffroncassis    

24.8k TEEN SKK (16/17) AU - Canon Divergence Protective Nakahara Chuuya, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Developing Relationship Found Family (the Akutagawa siblings, Oda's kids, Kyouka, Oda, Ango) TW- Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse and discussions of both these, also cw food for the whole fic

Summary - "At age 16, Chuuya defects from the Port Mafia and drags his partner with him not so much kicking and screaming as silently begrudging, and the rest follow suit in time."

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

[Really realistic depiction of the relationship between a depressed person and their supportive partner!]

For the Record - zombiemarker

19.1k TEEN SKK  AU- Spies & Secret Agents + Physical Hurt/Comfort Nightmares, Childhood Trauma, they get all dressed up and go to a gala, Implied Sexual Content, Fluff & Angst, Literal sleeping together, Getting together, First kiss, Developing Relationship TW - Blood and Violence, Childhood Trauma

From tags: "Chuuya's a government experiment, Dazai's been with Mori for years, they've both got trauma now"

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

A mouth to empty into - series by osamuchuu

Not listing all 4 fics cause this post is already so long, but they’re all amazing pls go read them!

The series depicts depression + CSA trauma so well!

This is my favourite -

Love is not a victory march - osamuchuu

8.7k 22 SKK Soukoku taking care of each other, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mental Illness, Depression, Drug Addiction, Blood and Injury, Healing, Recovery, Soukoku Tenderness, Light Angst TW -  Dazai-Typical Suicide References and Attempts, Addiction, Drug Use

believe me darling, the stars were made for falling -communist_sasuke

14.6k ALL AGES Worried Chuuya, Love Confessions, Dazai is a Mess, Angst, Self-Harm , Fluff & Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon timeline, First Kiss, TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions , Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt

Trust Fall - insi 

3.5k ALL AGES (Dark Era, Post-Dark Era, 22 SKK) Emotional Constipation, Mental Health Issues, Dazai has issues TW - Implied/Referenced Suicide & Self-Harm, Suicidal ideation

From tags: Chuuya has met Dazai on the rooftop many times throughout knowing each other.

Immediate

Emotional H/C

Even the Darkness We're Watching Is So Beautiful - NastyaEx

4k 22 SKK (post-109) bsd 109, Fluff, Dazai Needs a Hug, Dazai is a Mess, exhausted dazai, dazai cries but only a little bit, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Soft skk, Dazai centered, yosano is a bit here and she's great

I'll Make A Home In Your Gut Because its Somewhere Warm to Sleep - arahabakii

8.9k 22 SKK Fluff, Angst, Mutual Pining, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Making Out, Getting Together, Domestic Fluff, Touch-Starved Dazai, Dazai needs a hug, Chuuya needs a hug TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

stay- neon_toad

4.6k 22 SKK (pm!skk flashbacks) Suffering Dazai, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai is Bad at Feelings, Oblivious Dazai Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hugs, birthday, Birthday Presents, soft skk TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

where are you? - doeinstinct

2.8k 22 SKK Depression, Disordered Eating, physical symptoms of depression, Mentions of past self harm, m because they shower together, canon adjacent, meal replacements, Love Confessions, They're In Love Your Honor

Run Away With Me - Anonymous

5.3k Dark Era Grief/Mourning, Dissociation, Suicidal Thoughts, Soft Soukoku, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai Has Feelings, Pining, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Chuuya Needs a Hug, Kissing, Dazai asks Chuuya to run away with him

stay the night - Shinkirou

3.6k 22 SKK Gen or Pre-Slash, Developing Relationship, Character Study, Sharing a Bed, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dazai's depression

Physical Hurt/Comfort

Fool for loyalty, or some other word - osamuchuu

1.7k Dark Era Aftermath of Torture, Blood and Injury Light Angst, chuuya deals with so much tbh, what a champ, Fluff and Angst, Pre-Relationship, Established Relationship, chuuya being Dazai's nurse because he absolutely was Dazai's angry nurse

under wraps - Coffeebiscuits

5k Post-Dark era + Emotional hurt comfort Love confessions, deep talks, Light angst, Fluff and angst, kissing, crushes, sharing a bed, Suicide, Self-Harm, Tending to Wounds TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm 

From tags: “basically chuuya has to patch dazai upand they talk about some things they need to discuss”

Chuuya also gets some emotional comfort

EXHAUSTION

So if you go too far I'll be there - Kimisu

2.5k 22 SKK - Pre-Fyodor | Cannibalism Arc  No Plot/Plotless, Literal Sleeping Together, Some Fluff, Canon Timeline

From Summary: Based on a HC that Dazai spends days before every major arc planning and arranging the pieces in order for everything to 'work'. He also pushes his body limits a bit too far when doing that sometimes.

SICK FIC

Nothing More Important Than You - StormDew2

3k MAFIA SKK (15) Sickfic, Soft soukoku, Vulnerability

Please like/reblog if this helped u find a fic, I'd be delighted to know asjsj <3

“Dazai takes care of Chuuya” recs here

Fic rec masterlist here

[factorialsotherfandoms]

For the first time I complete a challenge! Specifically @whumpcember Everything in here is a QSMP fic, some of them are in my xcom au. Majority is Tazercraft, there's also some Philza&Missa QPPs, Philza/&Forever (read as you wish), various combos of Brazilians, Foolish&Leo, BBH angst, and even a tiny bit of Pac angst set in Purgatory! Oh and a mini study of Jaiden in purgatory I love that one.

It's not even all the horrible times I wrote this month, just the 31 for this

List below cut. With different summaries to the actual fic ones lol. Do double check TWs on the fic tags, the endings are happy or at least hopeful UNLESS specified otherwise. I've not double checked the links >.<. They're all fun in their own ways, but I bolded some of my favourites.

The Final Day Before The End . Pac looks after the other members of Soulfire on the last day of purgatory. T rated, prompt: fever

Bury Me In Satin . Forever is suffering with the Shadow Virus. He's looked after. M rated, tw: fever vomiting near death experiences. prompt: sickness

Faith and Trust on Torment Island . Forever gets to learn about Philza's birdhouse times. T rated, tw: dissociation & derealisation. prompt: hypothermia

Bloody Fingers . 100 words on the fact BBH is dying and hiding it. M rated, tw: majory character sickness, no happy ending. prompt: hidden injury

Live Like You're Dying . Missa does his best to protect Richarlyson from an errant Code, and uses his body to do so. M rated, tw: temporary character death, major character injury, altered respawn mechanics, mercy killing. prompt: impaled

Monsters in the Bedroom . Ramón, and nightmares. T rated, tw: implied child abuse, character dies but its only a dream. Prompt: nightmares

Mistakes Were Made . Pac goes to bug Forever on Richarlyson's command, and finds him passing out. He and Mike look after him. T rated, tw: disordered eating. Prompt: fainting

Duerme Pequeño . XCOM AU. Trump is alone in the dark, until someone comes for him. (Max and A1 are also here). T rated, tw: child abuse & neglect (not by QSMP characters). Prompt: isolation

Salvation . Quackity drowns and has his memory ripped away. T rated, tw: drowning, torture, memory loss, bad ending. Prompt: brainwashing

The Other Piece Of Me . Mike wakes up in the Order hospital. G rated, tw: hospitals. Prompt: Freezing

Sick Day . FitPac sickfic. The most generic sickfic in the world. There is soup. G rated, no tw, prompt: illness

The Beaten and The Damned . Roier has a horrible time now left alone on the island. Kidnapping is almost pleasant for him. M rated, tw: kidnapping, referenced canon character death, open ending (bad but there's /some/ hope). prompt: Touch Starved

Sensory . Cellbit gets chained up and blindfolded. Experience his time and rescue through his other senses! T rated, tw: kidnapping, injury. Prompt: restraints

Blessed Be The Martyr . Character study of Jaiden in Purgatory. M rated, tw: canonical temporary character death. Prompt: Cornered

Vision, Reality, Diety, Friend . Tallulah and Chayanne wake Fit up because something is wrong with Philza. The visions are proven more terrifying and tangeable than they seemed. T rated, tw: burns, unreality, mindfuckery, vomiting, breathing problems, serious injuries with no access to proper medical care. Prompt: Hallucinations

Remind Me How It Feels To Hear Your Voice. XCOM au. Mike has his mind ripped apart by a Cucurucho with psychic powers. He is rescued, and reunited with people. M rated, tw: kidnapping, torture, psychic violence, actual violence, serious injuries, hospitals, imprisonment, self-sacrifice, self-neglect, memory fuckery. Prompt: Head Injury

Book, Blackstone, Blaze Rod, Quartress . Philza's PoV of 15. Another Diety contacts Philza. She proves herself real, but people get hurt. T rated, tw: burns, unreality, mindfuckery, vomiting, breathing problems, serious injuries with no access to proper medical care. Prompt: Fire

Like Any Other Tuesday . Lich!Missa AU. 100 words on Missa and pain. G rated, no tw. prompt: Chronic Pain

Melodies Stuck Inside Your Head . XCOM AU Forever and Cellbit watch as a kidnapped Mike telepathically contacts Pac while in grevious trouble. Alt PoV of part of chapter 1 of 'Remind Me How It Fells To Hear Your Voice'. T rated, tw: assumed character death (he's okay but the grief is heavy). Prompt: Exhaustion

And The World Burns Turqouise . Mike tries to wake up while asleep. T rated, tw: nausea, hallucinations, aftermath of drug use (kelp cocaine). Prompt: drugs

Our Memory Will Be My Lullaby . XCOM AU. Felps get a call at 1am. It's Pac, under attack, with vital information, and having just watched Mike be kidnapped. T rated, tw: Open Ending (proven fine in another fic but this fic ends bad), offscreen kidnapping. Prompt: tears

Oh, Won't You Sing Me To Sleep Now? . XCOM AU. Pac's PoV of 21, plus some after. M rated, tw: Open Ending (proven fine in another fic but this fic ends bad), kidnapping, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, depression, blood, broken bones. prompt: Sacrifice

On A Bed Of Roses . An alt end to Forever's possession arc, in which he dies but Rose lets him respawn unpossessed. Philza has a horrific time. Read just chapter 1 for a bad ending, 2 as well for a good one. M rated, tw: temporary character death, self-harm, grief. Prompt: Begging

Orange Juice and Cookies. Forever does a silly and gets work. Cellbit looks after him, but is frustrated about it. t rated, TW: blood, gunshot wounds, ill-advised medical techniques, everyone's being a bit of a bitch but domestic too. Prompt: bullet

Hold The Last Burning Ember. XCOM AU. Felps has been rescued but is in a coma after brain surgery, Forever tries to look after him. All of the other Brazilians are missing, and Forever loves them as family but has no idea if they're safe. M rated, tw: heavy grief, mental health issues, depression, major character injury, offscreen torture, linear narrative split by non-linear flashback sequence, unethical military practices, lack of proper medical care due to fic circumstances. Prompt: Coma

You're Okay, You're Alright . Philza gets a new poison which prevents him healing, and fully expects to die. He is saved, however. no respawn au. M rated, tw: blood, needles, major character injury, hospitals (order med bay), implied temporary character death. Prompt: Collapse

Despite All This Waiting Tragedy . XCOM AU. A civilian rescue mission goes horribly wrong. Everyone gets out alive, but it's not pretty. M rated, tw: blood, explosions, nausea, head injuries, major character injury, near death experiences, hospitals, possession, lack of proper medical care due to not having access. Prompt: Bleeding Out

All Ye Who Enter Here . 100 words of purgatory vibes. G rated, no warnings. Prompt: abandoned

29. 'Til Hell Starts To Freeze . XCOM AU. SpiderBit meet cute in which Roier is an assassin and Cellbit is undercover in the (au version of) the Federation who killed his mark. But got a little stabbed in the process. T rated, tw: blood, murder. Prompt: Stabbed

30. Butterfly and Pa . Foolish can't find Leo. Turns out she's sick, and delerious, and her fever made her wander. T rated, tw: sick child. Prompt: delerium

31. Can I Do Anything When I'm Also Missing? . Pac and Mike as homeless teenagers, having just finished picking pockets to get money for the night. Pac is sick, and Mike steals medicine, and mostly just looks after him. T rated, tw: homelessness, sick child, violence to child, theft. Prompt: homelessness

[tbb-appreciation-week]

TAGS ARE YOUR BEST FRIENDS

Hello there!

In the pursuit of giving the participants tools for tagging their works correctly, thus allowing everyone else to curate their experience, I’ve put a non-comprehensive list of tags together that should be used if they apply to your work, during the event (and afterward, if you want).

There are gazillion other things that could be tagged too, but let’s be honest, it’s impossible to tag warnings for every single squick or trigger of every person in the world. So, I collected a list of the most common ones below. Like I said, this barely scratches the surface. It’s just a small guide for themes and things that you should warn about. If there’s anything else you think it needs tagging in your work, do it, please!

As the title says, tags are the best friends of both writers and readers. Use them to warn and/or block the content you write/read. Not only that! They also serve to finding the content you want to consume! You got the power. Use it!

I classify the tags into broad themes or issues, and then give some examples of specific tags within each theme. Those are just a few examples, not a complete list. Use your judgment to add others if your work requires them.

#️⃣ Explicit Language - For stories with excessive use of curse words

Curse words, foul language, profanity, etc.

#️⃣ Sexual Content - For fics where sexual content is explored and described in detail.

NSFW, Smut, kinks (specify which ones), mild/explicit depiction of sex, etc.

#️⃣ Underage: This is NOT for hand holding and sweet pecks on the cheek. It's for detailed depictions of sexual activity by characters under the age of eighteen.

#️⃣ Mental Health Issues: If your work depicts or implies/mentions the characters' mental/emotional struggles.

Paranoia-Inducing, Intrusive Thoughts, Medication, PTSD, Eating Disorder, suicide ideation, self harm, trauma, etc.

#️⃣ Violence: For stories that contain all kinds of violence.

Graphic Depiction of Violence, (implied/referenced, psychological) torture, gore, (mention of) weapons, (gun, domestic, canon-typical) violence, murder, etc.

#️⃣ Whump: For works that rely heavily on the hurt, and might or might not have comfort, especially when it's physical. Almost always, it goes hand in hand with violence and/or abuse.

Whump, injuries, blood, CPR, darkfic, sick fic, brainwashing, kidnapping, broken bones, etc.

#️⃣ Abuse: For works that mention, imply, and/or depict acts of abuse.

Domestic, physical, psychological, gaslighting, emotional, verbal.

#️⃣ Substances use: For when there's use or abuse of legal or illegal substances.

Mention of drugs/alcohol, recreational drug use, drug/alcohol addition, overdose, etc.

#️⃣ Death: For when the dead of a character is part of your work.

Mention of death, Main character death, side/background character death, Child Death, (implied, notes of) Suicide, Graphic Death, Animal Death, etc.

#️⃣ Type of relationship: Let your readers know what kind of relationship is explored in your work.

Platonic, romantic, x reader, clone shipping, father-daughter relationship, sibling rivalry, friendship, etc.

And the list goes on and on and on…

Now that you have some idea of what to warn about, let me remind you how you should tag your work. Be sure to @ this blog and add the following hashtags:

#tbbaw2023

#the character of the day (hunter, tbb crosshair, oc, etc.)

#day 1, #day 2, #day 3, etc… (the corresponding day)

#medium (gifset, fic, podcast, fanart, etc.)

#trigger warnings, if applies. (see list above)

#prompt(s) used

#nsfw (only for NSFW content)

#any other relevant tags go here

More recommendations:

Please, don’t, I repeat, DO NOT put “tw” if front or at the end of your warning tag. Why, you ask? Because using just the word or phrase is much simpler for readers to block the thing. It’s because of the way the blocking feature works on Tumblr that blocks only the exact wording and not all the tags containing X or Y or Z word (it sucks, I know. I agree!). Let’s use PTSD as an example. I’ve seen #ptsd, #tw ptsd, #ptsd tw, #tw; ptsd, #tw:ptsd and more. So, you see the problem, right? Instead of just PTSD as a tag, people need to block every iteration of the tag that other people come up with, and that happens with every other single tag. Let keep it simple. That will be easier for everyone.

Tumblr veterans know this, but you should neither censor your tags, replacing letters with numbers or symbols. That takes out the very function of the tag, which is mainly to allow people to avoid topics they don’t like for whatever reason. Nothing of su¡cid3 or unalive, please! This is not TikTok or Insta; here on Tumblr, we tag using the actual words like human beings that we are.

Use Keep Reading break and/or Community labels to hide NSFW, violence, substance use and/or dark themes, and tag it properly.

For any piece where the creator pairs the reader with a canon character, please use the tag #x reader alone, without canon characters or modifier for the reader. If you want to include also the specific tag of the character x reader, you can add it. That’s fine. An alternative is specifying what kind of reader is in the post text. Because since the combinations of canon characters and several types of reader is virtually endless, it’s easier for anyone who don’t enjoy reading fics in second-person POV to filter out these fics if writers use a wide-spectrum, nonspecific tag for it. It’s the same problem as with the warning tags.

Likewise, writers who do a piece pairing clones romantically, please tag your work as #clone shipping, so people can block the tag if those works aren't their cup of tea for whatever reason.

Gifmakers, if applies, please tag your gifsets #flashing gif to warn photosensitive folks about it.

Use #dead dove do not eat for when you go hardcore, very dark, and/or graphic in the themes of your work and also have tagged everything you're presenting in it, to indicate simply that this fic is clearly labelled and fully warned for, so if you open it, you know what you are getting. If you heed the tags, then there will be no surprises.

I understand why some writers are wary of tagging some things, fearing spoiling the story among other reasons, but it's better sinning of over tagging than missing a delicate issue that could disturb a large portion of your audience.

But if you're still insisting of not tagging some things, please use Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings if you add your work to the collection on Ao3. As it says on the site's warning help (x): "Use this if you don't want to warn for anything. You may also choose this option if you don't know what you should warn for; if you don't like warning for certain topics or warnings in general; if you want to avoid some spoilers, but not others; etc.". It's a wordy way to say to your readers: "Read at your own risk because there could be unpleasant surprises".

Also, you can add the tag TBBAW2023 while posting on the Ao3 Collection, if you want. This is optional, not mandatory.

And last, but not least, readers, please curate your own experience. Be sure to block the tags AND post content for the things you find disturbing or could trigger you. Take control of what you interact with.

Two more suggestions, even if they're not exactly tagging related: The first one, let’s make art more accessible to disabled folks, so it’d be nice that fan artists (including artists, gifmakers and graphic manipulators) included image descriptions to their works. You can add those both on the web and the app. Just click on the 3 dots that appear in the bottom right corner once you have uploaded your image/gif, then click on Update image description (on the web) or Add Alt text (on the app), and write your description. Also, there's the option to put it directly in the body of your post.

The second one is also using Keep Reading break to shorten the length of your post if it's too long. It's annoying having to scroll down what feels like forever when you're not interested in said post. Also, you can add the tag #long post, if you want.

This turned out to be longer than I expected, so I'll leave it here. If you got suggestions or questions, please contact me through the ask box or chat, either in this blog or on @nimata-beroya.

And remember: tags, tags, TAGS!!!

[archiveofuniverses]

OOC // INTRO POST!!

This is an account for my silly Ruikasa AU “Adventures in the Soul’s Song Isles” a mystical fantasy world where Tsukasa is a baker and Rui is a cat and a (former) thief.

Inspired by : @ask-ruikasa-official

More info on this account here ↓ ↓ ↓

Rui and Tsukasa aren’t dating yet but they’ll get to that as they have character development over the course of this account being up. You will get to see some interesting conversations the two have as they develop from roommates to friends to lovers and answers from the two may change over time

Ex: “Are you two dating?”

Before : “Me and Tsukasa are simply roommates and nothing more~”

After : “Fufufu~ who knew we would’ve ended up together, but yes, we are!”

Tags!!

Rui talks : posts where only Rui talks.

Kasa talks : posts where only Tsukasa talks.

Both talk : posts where both of them talk/answer questions.

No one talks : posts with only narration and none of the two actually talks

OOC : posts with out of character stuff (like me adding to the conversation OOC or answering questions OOC.)

Emu&Nene : posts where Emu or Nene are mentioned / there and in on the conversation

TW [item] : warning for some sensitive topics such as but not limited to

Disordered eating

Referenced/Implied Self harm

Self esteem issues

Implied Drug abuse

Referenced/Implied Alcoholism

Current timeline :

- Roommates, somewhat close friends.

- Both are 24

-Tsukasa has an apartment and is currently paying for it alone to help Rui get back on his feet. Rui is currently unemployed and looking for a job. (Will continue to update as the blog continues)

______________________________________________________________________________________

Blog run by @justplearn I post art of this AU and silly stuff there you should check it out :D

[deliciouskeys]

In regards to the poll about Homelander and the mismatch of his suit appearance and his body appearance: do you have fics recs about him being upset by his body or trying to make himself look different?

[The referenced poll] Hmmm, I may not be the person best equipped to answer this, but here’s a short list that immediately comes to mind (you didn’t specify if you had pairing preferences, Anon, and ymmv about whether these fics fit the bill above):

@sehtoast’s You’re a God and Gods Must Be Worshipped: HL has body dysphoria (bigorexia without the ability to build muscle). Reader bodyworships him out of it.

@sehtoast’s very recent All of You is Left to Love. depowered!HL au with body dysphoria about mild weight gain, Reader gets him out of the funk.

Homiestan’s a little starvin’ never hurt nobody. HL is literally anorexic. Tw eating disorder mentality described in detail. Gen.

Sophila’s milk teeth where HL injects compound V and it makes his chest swell and lactate (he’s relatively nondysphoric about this but there’s still embarrassment and unease). Starlander, oddly enough. Toyryla illustrated this fic.

@fxrewelltoarms has a whole list of fics (all Butchlander) about HL in various extreme weight gain scenarios and allusions to body dysmorphia/dysphoria

Not fic but @olliveolly has some nice artwork of HL in and out of his suit (although also implies peacetime versus wartime physique differs)

I’m sure there are more that I’m missing, especially if it’s brief mentions in long multichapters.

[ask-depressed-wally]

WELCOME!

This a a Welcome Home Ask Blog, certain around Wally Darling, and his journey on recovery and him learning how to ask for help.

The au:

This au takes place in 1970, were Wally is a 23 year old kindergarten teacher. He works with Poppy, who is also a teacher. At first no one, besides Barnaby, knows that Wally is depressed, or has any mental issues. But as Wally gets more and more stress out, the Neighborhood gets concerned.

Important

This au contains; self harm, self harm scars, eating disorders, suicidal tendencies, dissociation, internal ableism, and implied/referenced to child abuse.

While this au is dark, there won’t be anything that super explicit or trying to not romanticize anything.

Rules

You can send ask, meme, questions, or art

Any other ask blog and come and intact with Wally

Welcome Home, and Wally Darling belong to @ partyclown, so any rules he applies, also are here as well.

In this au, Wally is bisexual-Aromatic, so please, no sexual question.

This au will have both drawings and text to answer questions.

About the Mun/Mod

Hey I’m Sebastian. I’m 25, and I wrote this ask blog base off my fanfic, Rotten Apples on ao3. This au is more or less a way to work out my negative experiences. Also to help me get better at writing and art! Lol. My Main blog is @ cutepastelstarsalior

If you have questions or just want to say hi to me, just put at the beginning of you’re post “mun/mon/creator/seb”

Refance to Depressed! Wally

Tw for self harm scars, and semi nudity.

[dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night]

I bet Harrlow finds a theater in Glades pocket dimension and it has every known film from silent movies all the way to a modern teenage dramas.

When he isn’t being tortured, sometimes he wanders in and pops a film in. I bet he likes to sit in the front row like a weirdo. He brings in junk food from a nearby gas station that tickled Glades fancy.

TW: captivity, briefly implied eating disorder, emotional whump, loneliness, doll whump, referenced nonhuman whumper, human whumpee

There were often buildings in the pocket dimension, of course. Harlow had explored the few that didn't look filled to them brim with asbestos.

A massive movie theater was totally in line with everything else in the pocket dimension, but still a lovely find. After discovering that the internet did not reach other dimensions, Harlow had contented himself to other forms of entertainment.

The movies were organized by release year, and the massive room they were kept in reminded Harlow of the video rental store in his home town. The carpet looked like a funky arcade carpet. It made Harlow feel at home.

H quickly found the 1970s section. He found some shlock, b-grade universal monster flicks and shoved them in his bag. He then did the same from the 1960s and 1980s sections.

A thing he missed dearly from life, when he wasnt concerned about his family, was getting to watch Dracula and Frankenstein's monster have it out on a shoe string budget fever dream performance.

He quickly found the projector room and set up Dracula vs Frankenstein up first. It wasn't his favorite movie of the bunch, but it was a comfort watch. Next would be Earth vs The Spider, or perhaps Plan 9 from Outerspace.

After leaving the stack of movies in the projector room for convenience, Harlow ran over to the nearby convenience store he had been frequenting for junk food. He hoped to God, whichever other than Glade zemself existed in this realm, that Glade would not interupt him.

His backpack, which he had conveniently found hanging on a mannequin of a back to school display, had many deep pockets and carried necessary items very well. Harlow preffered having some things on hand to going scavenging or, worse still, asking Glade for help.

He opened one of the pockets, then immediately closed it after seeing the several books he had stashed in it. No point risking getting food or drink on them.

The next pocket was fortunately empty. He quickly remedied that problem with several cans of soda, bags of chips, and more candy than would be healthy to eat in a week.

Binge eating wasn't good for him, and he knew it. But never growing ill in Glade's pocket dimension had lessened his worries. Glade liked watching him eat, and it didn't hurt, so he often did it as a show to subdue the more cruel aspects of zeir curiosity.

The bags crinkled loudly in his bag as he made his way past several taxidermy displays to the theater. He felt like a little kid, sneaking off to watch a movie. But instead of fearing his mother catching him, he feared the powerful, horrific entity in control of the pocket dimension he was held captive in. So much worse.

The projector took him a few minutes to figure out, but he soon kicked it into gear. The stream of light coming from the projector illuminated many fuzzy specks of dust hanging in the air.

Harlow rushed to find his seat in the theater before the opening credits ended. To it's credit, the movie was just as horrible as Harlow remembered.

Harlow gorged on snacks to his heart's content. It reminded him even more of being a kid on movie night, when his mother had gone to bed and his father let him watch R rated movies and eat too many sweets.

Speaking aloud, he snarkily commented and joked about the characters, but soon lapsed into silence. It just wasn't fun without other people to laugh and joke around with him.

God, the loneliness was unbearable. Harlow longed for someone to talk to other than Glade. Zey didn't count as company, simply there to torment him with experiments and questions.

How many nights had he spent wishing he could sleep next to someone? Too many. Nights didn't actually pass withing the alien pocket dimension, but still he slept regularly, and counted by his body's natural cycle of energy and exhaustion.

He swore never to bring anyone else here, but his selfishness grew in time with his loneliness. How many nights would pass before he finally cracked?

Harlow firmly shoved these thoughts away. It wouldn't be tonight. Not while he was here, watching a bad movie and drinking root beer.

If he could occupy himself tonight, he could do the same tomorrow, and the day after, until infinity itself had passed.

Taglist: @little-flame-prince @anomalys-taxonomy @elim-flower @devourerofcheesecake @thedarkmongoose @whumpsday @whumpshaped @stuffbybean @heavenly-whumper @goronska

[steviewashere]

Death Be Kind to My Mother, Be Kinder Than Man by steviewashere AO3 Link

For my next trick, I'm going to upload chapters to a longer fic idea that I have. This deals with parental loss, grief/mourning, and illness. Steve has survived the Upside Down, has his friends, and his parents that are okay sometimes. However, things change when his mother suffers a massive stroke. In this piece, he experiences grief, travels within his relationships how to breathe through it, and how to eventually embrace what is going to happen. The tags, chapters, characters, and trigger warnings are still being updated; be warned. Summary will be below, happy reading. <3

TW: Parental Death, Illness, Grief/Mourning, Unintentional Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Unspecified Eating Disorder, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Panic Attack(s), Implied/Referenced Drug Use (Minor), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse (Briefly Mentioned in Eddie's Backstory, But the Themes are There)

"He's not sure how to feel. Scared, first, for his mother. Confused too as to why this happened. His mom is a healthy woman, this shouldn't have occurred...Then, he feels panicked. Realizes, if nothing goes right, his last conversation with his mom would have been two weeks ago; an argument, so many phrases shouted, but not a single one was a simple 'I love you.'"

OR Steve's Mom Suffers a Massive Stroke and Passes, How Does Grief Find Steve?

OR I was delirious from lack of sleep and thought, let's project onto Steve. But how do I torture him this time?

[am0ng-us-sus]

A Mother's Love

Part three: Recovery

TW: This chapter has implied/referencd self-harm and implied/referenced attempted suicide,these implications are not graphic in anyway,but are implied a few times. On the lighter side of things,eating/sleep disorders are mentioned breifly,sex is very lightly implied at one or two points

When Luka woke up,she felt fingers running through her hair.

She looked up at Meiko.

'Good morning.'

Meiko didn't say anything back. She was obviously exausted.

'Go get some sleep,okay?'

Meiko nodded and got up,walking to the bedroom to lay down.

Kawane stirred on the couch.

'Hmm...?'

'Good morning,baby. How are you feeling?'

'A lot better,actually...'

Luka pressed a hand to Kawane's forehead. She was back to a normal temperature.

'Do you still feel sick at all?'

'My head hurts a little...'

'Well,you should probably take more medicine just in case.'

Luka got up to get more medicine,returning with a small medicine cup.

'Here.'

Kawane took the medicine,it was supposed to taste like... Grape? Wild berry? She didn't know,either way,it tasted awful.

'I'll get you something to wash it down with. Stay here.'

Luka went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle with a sweet blue drink inside.

She walked back to Kawane and handed it to her.

'Here,take small sips just in case your stomach is still upset.'

Kawane took the drink and opened the cap,taking a small sip.

'If you can keep that down for a few minutes,feel free to drink some more,just be careful and come get me if you feel like you need to be sick again,I'll be cooking breakfast.

Kawane laid back on the couch,the spot where she was laying still felt very warm.

She sighed. What was she going to do? She couldn't stay with her aunt forever... She knew that Luka would take care of her,but she wasn't her mom... She couldn't sign her up for school,special programs,or pretty much anything that required the permission of a legal guardian. She guessed that she'd go to an orphanage or foster home,either way,she would be leaving here eventually... What Meiko said yesterday... Was a lie. She would have to leave Kawane eventually. She couldn't stay here... But she wished she could...

Why can't they be my moms? I-I really want them to be,but... They never will be... They're already busy with my cousin... I guess... I guess I'll just have to see what happens next,it's not like I can really do anything to change what's gonna happen to me...

-----

'Sakine! Breakfast!'

Sakine came scampering over to the table.

'Here you go,dear.'

Luka set a plate in front of her.

'Pace yourself,okay? Please just go slowly... Your mother has made herself sick way too many times by eating too fast...'

Sakine nodded and slowed her pace a bit.

Luka picked up another plate and walked over to Kawane,who was lying on the couch again.

'Oh,do you feel sick again?'

'No,I-I'm just bored...'

'You sure? I have some food for you,and I don't want you to eat it if you feel sick.'

'I'm okay,I promise! And... I'm really hungry,actually...'

'Okay,then... I tried my best to give you some foods that would go easy on your stomach...'

She handed Kawane a plate,there was a small bowl of oatmeal,a cut up banana,and some strawberries.

'T-this is for me?'

'Yes,do... Do you not like it?'

'No,it's wonderful... It's just... This is so nice of you...'

'It's nothing,really? I just... I don't see how serving you some breakfast is... That special?'

'No... I meant... Taking care of m-me... I-it's n-nice of you- I guess,I- uhm- I just- T- That's what I meant,you know,I'm sorry I phrased it incorrectly,I-'

'No,no,it's okay,I understand now~'

Kawane went silent and started eating her food.

-----

Meiko walked into the kitchen.

'Hey,there,Mei! I... I want to talk to Kawane about something... I called her mother,but... I want to hear what she has to say... I- I guess I have to explain what my sister-in-law said,first... It's- It's gonna be hard,but I have to... You need to know what she said...'

Meiko hugged her.

'Well,then,take all the time you need.'

She said,keeping Luka in her arms.

'Okay,well... My sister-in-law disowned Kawane... Because... Because of something she can't really control... I'm sure you've noticed that she's... A bit different from other kids her age. And... And my sister-in-law didn't want to deal with it... So she kicked her out... I- I asked if Kawane was getting fed,a-a-and I- s-she-'

Meiko nuzzled Luka's cheek.

'It's okay,take a small break if you need.'

Luka took a moment to breathe and relax in Meiko's embrace.

'She said that... That she didn't g-get fed when s-she was a-annoying... L-like me... And-and she told me- that statement p- probably sounded f-f- familiar to me- and- and I- I- I- r- remembered when my f- father beat me r- really badly because I said I w- was hungry even though I couldn't e- eat that day... I- I was so scared and-'

Luka started sobbing.

'Shhh,shhh... You're safe,you're safe... I know... That... That wasn't okay for her to say.'

Meiko squeezed her tighter.

'That's all... I guess...'

'Okay... How about we talk to her now?'

Luka nodded.

Meiko wiped the tears off of Luka's cheeks with her thumb,kissing her on the forehead.

'Come on,let's go.'

-----

'Kawane,we need to talk to you for a minute.'

Kawane looked up from her book at Meiko,who was standing next to Luka.

'I- I- uhm- y- yes?'

'Don't worry,you're not in trouble or anything.'

Luka said calmly.

'Come,let's sit at the table.'

Meiko held out a hand to Kawane,helping her up. The three walked to the table in the kitchen,sitting down,Luka and Meiko sitting across from Kawane.

'Now,dear... I called your mother yesterday,but she didn't give me as much detail as I'd like.... Can you tell me more about the situation?'

Kawane looked away,nodding.

'Y- yeah... So... So I got mad about something and I- I messed up my bedroom because I was angry... I really didn't want to... I just... I didn't know how else to get the anger out... And I- I couldn't control it... It just... Happened... And m- my mother told me that s- she didn't want me anymore... And that I was too much... She'd been threatening t- to disown me for a while... But she actually did it t- this time... A- and s- she- she- t- told m- me that we w- were going to a p- park... And she d- drove me really far away to a park I- I'd never been to,before and s- said that she was going to buy some i- ice-cream b- but she never came back... I- I waited the entire day b- but she never came b- back and I- I was scared of the other people there,s- so I tried t- to find somewhere else to g- go and I s- slept in an allyway and- and then the next morning i- it started raining and then that's w- when you found m- me...'

'Okay... Thank you for telling us,baby... That really helped me understand what was going on.'

Luka said,reaching her hand across the table to hold Kawane's.

'It's okay to cry,you can let it all out,it's okay. We won't judge.'

Kawane froze for a second,her face visibly gaining an angry expression,then she started clawing at her own arms.

Luka quickly got up and rushed over to restrain Kawane.

'Don't do that,you're hurting yourself,I know you're mad,but we can express our negative emotions in a way that doesn't hurt you... Meiko,can you please grab a few pencils?'

Meiko was confused,but grabbed a pack of pencils from a drawer in the kitchen,giving them to Luka.

'Here.'

Luka gave one to Kawane,who snapped the pencil,still crying.

She snapped pencil after pencil until she felt a little better.

'Can you tell me how you felt right there? Why did you get so angry?'

Meiko watched the interaction silently.

'I- I felt angry at myself b- because I feel like nobody wants me because I'm so wierd and I- I can't be normal... And I'm crazy... I- I want to be... Not crazy... I want p- people to like me... I- I want... A home...'

'Hey,hey... You're not wierd... You're definitely not 'normal' but being normal... It's so bland,isn't it? Nobody I'm friends with is 'normal' persay. Well... Exept coworkers,but they're boring. It's okay to be different. It's a good thing. You're not crazy,okay? You're a sane person. This isn't something you can control,you were born this way,alright? And that's good. It's good to be you. It's not crazy,you just think a little differently,don't you? It means you have such a creative and cool view of the world,and you're so so special for that. I know it's hard to feel like people don't want you,it's easy for someone like you to get made fun of. But those people are just meanies. They only want to put people down because they feel insecure. I promise,dear,you're very very special to me and Meiko,okay? We love you so so much no matter what,and you can stay here as long as you need,okay? Remember,there are others out there that are like you. They're a bit different,but that's okay. You're not alone,don't forget that. There are so many people out there who can relate and can help you feel loved. You're the sweetest little girl and I wish I could just show you how much you mean to me,but it would be impossible,wouldn't it? You're special,you're not crazy,and you're so so kind and smart. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.'

Kawane hugged Luka tightly.

'M-Mama... I love you... T-thank y-you...'

'...Mama?'

Luka whispered,almost tearing up.

Kawane pulled away after a few moments,rubbing her eyes.

'Hey... You know what?'

Luka put a hand on Kawane's cheek.

'Sakine has ADHD,did you know that?'

'S- she does? She's like m- me?'

'Sort of... ADHD is entirely different then what you have,but it's simalar in some ways. You should go talk to her,you two would get along nicely. She's really into horses,you know...'

'Horses? Really? She loves horses,too? Has she ever seen one? Does she have a lot of books about horses?'

'How about you go ask her? She'd love to play with someone. She can get pretty lonely being an only-child.'

Kawane ran off to Sakine's room,shaking her hands exitedly.

'Lukita?'

'Hm?'

'I know you said Kawane was a bit different,but... I'm confused?'

Luka sat back down next to Meiko.

'I think it's time you knew something very important about Kawane...'

-----

Kawane knocked on Sakine's bedroom door nervously.

'Yes? Come in~'

Kawane hesitated before slowly opening the door.

'Kawane? Are you alright? Do you need something?'

'Uhhh... I... I wanted t-to p-play with you?'

'Wait,really?'

Sakine's eyes lit up

'Y-yeah... I heard you l-like horses? I-I do,too...'

'Yeah! I love horses!! Come sit down!'

Sha patted the area on the bed next to her.

Kawane slowly walked over and sat down.

'D-do you have any books? About horses?'

'Yeah! I have lots!! Like this one! It's got a lot of cool pictures! Oh-wait! There's also this one! It has mostly words,but it's still cool! Oh-oh-and here's one on how to draw horses and-'

Kawane seemed a bit overwhelmed. Sakine took a breath and calmed down a bit.

'Anyways,what's your favorite horse breed?'

'Uhm... Clydesdale...'

'Wow! I really like those,too!'

'Did you know that they're endangered?'

'No,really? They are?'

-----

'Oh,I see... What can I do to understand her more?'

Asked Meiko

'Well,you can do research,and try to spend more time with her. Try to make her feel loved,okay? She... She has a hard time with that... And I don't want her to turn out like me...'

'You turned out wonderful,Lukes~'

'You know what I meant...'

She said as Meiko took her hands.

Meiko leaned forwards and whispered into Luka's ear

'I can make you feel loved right now~'

Luka shuddered

'N-not r-right now,dear... Maybe later tonight...'

Meiko pulled back to look into Luka's eyes,seeing that her cheeks were red.

'You get so flustered,it's adorable...'

'Stoppp...'

'Never!'

Meiko laughed

-----

'Oh... I'm sorry about that,Kawane... I get made fun of,too... But you know what? If anyone tries to bully you when I'm around,they'll be sorry! I promise to protect you!'

'You... Will?'

'Of course! Nobody is going to be mean to my s-cousin on my watch!'

Sakine had almost said 'sister' instead... She wished Kawane was her sister... Secretly,Kawane wished the same...

-----

It had gotten late and the girls were still in Sakine's room.

'Let's go check on the girls real quick.'

Luka suggested

The couple got up and walked to their daughter's room

Luka knocked

Nothing

She slowly opened the door to see...

The girls were both asleep on Sakine's bed,obviously having dozed off. Kawane was splayed out on her stomach with Sakine laying across her back. They were surrounded by books,and both sleeping soundly.

The couple both almost melted from how cute the scene was.

Meiko picked up Sakine and tucked her in,Kawane started to feel around for her cousin.

'Where... Sister?'

'Aww... How sweet...'

Said Meiko as she picked up Kawane and set her next to Sakine,who immediately wrapped her arms around her cousin. Kawane stilled instantly.

Luka cleared the books off the bed and then walked over to Meiko. The taller woman put an arm around her wife's waist,taking Luka's hand and interlocking their fingers.

'They're so cute... I knew they'd get along...'

Meiko nodded.

'Come on,Mei... Let's leave them alone for the night... Besides... I want to talk to you about something...'

The two exited,Meiko turned off the lights as she walked out the door,closing it behind her.

In the hallway,Meiko turned to face Luka.

'Now,what did you need to talk to me about?'

Luka took Meiko's hands in her own.

'Well... Do you remember the last night of our honeymoon?'

Meiko suddenly pulled her in by the waist.

'Oh,darling... How could I forget?'

She whispered,starting to kiss Luka's neck

As much as Luka wanted to collapse into Meiko and let her carry her to the bed,that wasn't what Luka had meant,and what she wanted to say was important

'N-no Meiko-n-not that...'

She pulled away slightly,just so that Meiko would stop kissing her for a minute. She felt her face go red,and tried to hide her blush by burying her face in Meiko's shoulder.

'Oh,I'm sorry... What did you mean,then?'

Meiko tried not to laugh

'I-it's not funny...'

'Oh,are you sure about that? I love how I can fluster you so easily...'

'A-anyways... Do you remember what you said to me?'

'Sorry,dear,I don't remember saying anything significant to you that night...'

Luka pulled back to look Meiko in the eyes.

'You asked me... What was next for us...'

'Oh,yeah,I remember that!'

'Do you remember anything else about that conversation?'

'Well,I think I asked you about getting a house... Or... Starting a buisness together or something...'

'Anything... Else?'

'No,sorry... My brain is kinda foggy on that...'

'Y-you asked me if... If... If I wanted to have more children...'

Meiko blushed slightly

'What are you saying?'

'Well... What if I did want more children now...? Would you still want another kid?'

'I-uhm-y-yes,of course!'

'You don't sound like you mean it...'

'N-no,I do,this is just so sudden,I didn't expect you to ask this out of the blue like this... Would we be adopting,or...'

'Yes,adopting...'

'How old of a child would you be looking to adopt? Like would you maybie want to raise a child from only a few months or-'

'Thirteen...'

'Oddly specific,but okay.'

'You really are oblivious,aren't you? I want to adop Kawane.'

'Really? W-we can do that?'

'So your answer is yes?'

'Yes! YES!!'

Luka hugged Meiko tightly

'We're having another baby...'

Luka whispered

Meiko smiled

'Well,LuLu,let's start by figuring out what paperwork we need to fill out~'

'Maybie tomorrow... Besides,we need to ask Kawane what she thinks. But for now... Let's start with... Going to bed.'

Luka kissed Meiko and wrapped her arms around her wife's waist.

'I'm getting mixed signals,here. What do you mean by 'go to bed',huh?'

'I mean... Do you remember the last night of our honeymoon,or...?'

Meiko chuckled and picked up Luka,carrying her to the bedroom.

-----

Luka awoke the next morning,Meiko was snoring and drooling a bit next to her. Luka could tell she was sleeping very heavily.

She stood up,her lower back ached a bit. She threw on some clothes,attempting to make herself look decent in the mirror,her hair was an absolute mess. She eventually gave up and decided to just brush it later.

She looked back at Meiko before walking over,pulling the blanket over her bare shoulders.

Just remember to put clothes on before you leave the room this time...

Luka walked out of the room,twisting the lock before closing the door so that the girls couldn't accidentally walk in.

Luka found her hairbrush in the bathroom,she attempted to brush her hair,but it was much easier and less of a hastle when Meiko did it for her.

She decided to wait for her partner to help her.

She made her way to the kitchen,her legs ached really badly.

Jesus Christ,I'm only twenty-one!

Luka pushed the pain aside and started on breakfast.

'Hey,Mama! Uhm... What happened to your hair?'

'Uh... B-bad hair-day.'

Sakine seemed to accept that answer,but Kawane stared at her knowingly.

Luka avoided her gaze,trying to focus on the food she was preparing,but she felt Kawane just staring at her.

Luka glanced over.

Kawane tilted her head a little,shifting her weight.

Eventually,she walked towards the basket of fruit on the counter,as she passed behind Luka,she whispered;

'You have a mark on your neck.'

Luka stiffened and walked to the bathroom.

She dug around for some band-aids in the drawer.

When she exited the bathroom... The food was burning...

'Oh,shit-'

She whispered as she ran over to the stove,turning it off.

She groaned,slumping forwards against the counter.

Today was not a great day for her so far...

-----

Meiko walked out of the bedroom to see Luka was not having a great time...

She was slumped forwards over the countertop,her head in her hands as the smell of burnt food filled the room. Good thing they hadn't fixed the fire alarm yet,otherwise it would be going crazy.

Meiko threw the burnt food in the garbage can,setting the pan in the sink.

She wrapped her arms around Luka from behind,Luka straightened her posture so that she was standing normally.

'Hey,what happened?'

'Everything hurts,my hair is a mess,and I burnt the food because Kawane spotted a mark on my neck and I had to run to the bathroom to cover it up before Sakine saw it!'

'Oh,heh... Sorry...'

'I told you to be careful about that! We have a kid now!'

Luka hissed out

'And another one on the way~'

'Stop acting like one of us is pregnant!'

'I'm not,I'm just saying-'

'Just- Just get away from me right now!'

'Oh... Okay... Sorry...'

Meiko let go of Luka and walked to the couch. Fortunately,the girls had gone into Sakine's room to escape the smoke smell,so they hadn't heard any of the quarrel between their mothers...

Meiko didn't really know what to say or do now... She felt a little hurt if she was honest.

'Luka...'

'I don't want to hear it!'

Meiko felt as if Luka had thrown a spear through her heart. The two almost never fought,and when they did,it was either about stupid stuff,or they apologized really quickly to the other,but... This was different. Meiko tried not to cry as she hung her head.

Luka heard the stifled sobs,but she didn't care. She was pissed.

... Until she wasn't.

Luka suddenly felt really bad,she hurt Meiko's feelings,made her cry. That wasn't the kind of person she wanted to be. She loved Meiko. She didn't want her to cry...

Luka walked off to the bathroom,grabbing her hairbrush and sat next to Meiko on the couch when she returned.

She placed the brush in Meiko's lap.

Meiko looked at the brush,then back at Luka

'Meiko... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you.'

Meiko pulled her into a tight hug,crying even more.

'Oh,you're so sensitive... Such a big softie...'

Luka said affectionately

'I'm sorry! I-I love y-y-you!'

'I love you,too. I hope you can forgive me...'

Meiko simply hugged her even tighter.

'Oh,you big teddy bear... Hey,hey,it's okay,I'm so sorry,baby...'

Meiko pulled herself together and let go of Luka,wiping her wet cheeks.

'S-so you want me to brush your h-hair?'

'If you'd be okay with it...'

Meiko didn't say anything else,she placed Luka in her lap and started to brush her long hair.

After she was done,Meiko hugged her tightly from behind.

Luka groaned softly

'Something wrong?'

'My back and legs hurt...'

'Oh? Was I just that good last night?'

Meiko joked

'Stoppp...'

'You didn't answer me~'

'And I'm not going to.'

'Anyways... We should talk to Kawane soon.'

Meiko said

'I... I don't know...'

'Oh? Why so hesitant all of a sudden?'

Luka held one of Meiko's wrists,tracing over the scars with her soft fingers.

'I just... I'm afraid she won't want to... Be our daughter...'

'Luka... She loves you so much... She called you 'Mama' remember? She did the same with me the other day. She called Sakine her 'sister' she obviously wants to be here,why would you doubt that?'

'I don't... I don't know... I'm just... Nervous I guess... This is a big thing...'

Luka said quietly before planting a soft kiss on a scar that was rather new,the scab from the blade still on Meiko's wrist.

'Darling,we need to keep these ones covered up,I'd hate for you to get an infection... And... Remember to come to me whenever you're feeling like you want to harm yourself...'

Meiko let out a sigh

'I know... It's just hard sometimes... Even with you around... That relapse a week ago was... Scary...'

'I know,but you're getting much much better,okay? Let be get some bandages.'

When Luka returned with the first-aid kit,she immediately started treating the fresh wounds.

'I'm so glad that you're feeling better now. I know you... Went through a rough spot a few years back... That was... I... I was so scared for you...'

She said as she dabbed alcohol onto the cuts with a cotton-ball

'I know,Pop-Tart... I'm so sorry I made you worry.'

'You don't need to apologize,okay? Never apologize for something like that. It was a problem that put your life in danger at some points,you shouldn't apologize for making me worry,okay? You almost died... Several times...'

Luka started to wrap a white bandage around one of Meiko's arms.

'...Luka?'

'Yes?'

'... You saved me. You... You saved my life,okay? I-I love you so much and I'm so glad that I found someone like you and... I... You... Helped me so so much...'

Luka finished the second arm and crawled into Meiko's lap,resting her head on her wife's shoulder.

Meiko hugged her tightly

'You're my little angel...'

'You've helped me a lot,too...'

'Really?'

'Of course. You've helped me so much with my anxiety,my insomnia,my anorexia... Thank you...'

Meiko started to cry,burying her face into Luka's hair.

The two stayed there,resting in each-other's arms.

Luka started to drift off in Meiko's embrace,but another pain shot through her back and she winced

'Your back is really bothering you,huh?'

'Yeah...'

Meiko laid Luka on her stomach on the couch. She turned and positioned herself so that she was straddling Luka's legs. She started to rub Luka's back firmly.

Luka sighed as the pain melted away.

'That feel good?'

'Yeah... Thanks...'

'I'm sorry... I'll go easier on you next time...'

'It's okay...'

'But I hurt you!'

'No,I'm just not in wonderful shape. I need to start exercising more now that my eating habbits are a bit better.'

After a while,Kawane entered the room.

'Ah,I see you've gotten changed?'

Said Luka upon seeing her niece dressed in fresh clean clothes.

'Uhh... Yeah...'

She glanced towards Meiko's wrists,though didn't make any comment.

Meiko noticed and glanced over at Kawane.

She didn't say anything,looking away from the bandages after a while.

'Kawane... Can we talk to you for a minute?'

Luka said,sitting up.

Kawane nodded hesitantly.

Here goes nothing...

'Kawane... We both love you so much,and I know you currently don't really have parents or a home to stay in long-term,but me and Meiko love you more than you could imagine... We want you safe and happy... And you know that we'd let you live here as long as you need,but... I know that really isn't enough... As this isn't really 'your home' or anything... And I know that you really need someone to look up to who can help you with all your problems and help you understand yourself and heal some of those wounds left by your mother and father... And... We were wondering if... Uhm... Kawane... We... We want to adopt you.'

Kawane was speechless for a few seconds.

'You... You want me?'

'Yes,baby,we love you so much.'

Said Meiko

'You... You really want me? T-to be your daughter? S-somebody actually wants me?'

'Oh,Kawane...'

Luka said softly

Kawane ran up to the couch and threw herself onto Luka,hugging her tightly.

Luka winced as her back started to hurt again,but she hugged the girl tightly as Kawane cried into Luka's chest.

'I-I have a Mama now? A-a real one?'

'Yes,baby. Yes you do...'

'And a Mamí,too!'

Said Meiko,leaning over to hug the two tightly

'A-and a Mommy,too...'

She whispered to herself

'Hey,what's going on in here?'

Asked Sakine as she walked into the room

'Sakine... You have a little sister now!'

Said Meiko excitedly

'What?'

'KiKi... We're going to figure out whatever we need to do to adopt Kawane.'

Said Luka

'I... I have a sister now?'

Sakine jumped into Luka's arms as well,both Luka and Kawane got the air knocked out of them for a second,as Sakine's entire 155 lbs of weight came flying at the two,barreling into them at full speed.

Kawane squeaked in surprise

'Oof- KiKi- I'm more fragile then Meiko,be careful,okay?'

The four hugged onto each-other,welcoming their new member to the family.

Kawane,sitting in the embrace of her new family,finally,for once in her life,felt truly loved and knew that everything was going to be okay.

[weltato]

Rating: Teen and Up Category: F/M, Gen Relationships: Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins, Paul Matthews & Ted Spankoffski, Paul Matthews & Peter Spankoffski | Hot Chocolate Boy, Peter Spankoffski | Hot Chocolate Boy & Ted Spankoffski, Paul Matthews & Bill Woodward, Paul Matthews & Alice Woodward Characters: Paul Matthews, Emma Perkins, Peter Spankoffski | Hot Chocolate Boy, Ted Spankoffski, Melissa (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Bill Woodward, Alice Woodward

Additional Tags: round 2 electric boogaloo here we go!, Nightmare Time: Hey Melissa!, Fix-It of Sorts, Paul Matthews Needs a Hug, He needs so many hugs, Paul Matthews Loves Emma Perkins, Emma Perkins Loves Paul Matthews, Paulkins - Freeform, how is that not a tag yet? they're the absolute best for each other, the next two need to be tags too, Dead Ted Spankoffski, Traumatized Paul Matthews, Angst, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Nightmares, paul's nightmare is the hey melissa ending, POV Alternating, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, he's still having problems with eating but there's a bit of progress, please stay safe everyone!!, Food Issues, Vomiting, mentions of vomiting, Hurt/Comfort, But also, Hurt No Comfort, Mild Gore, (Ish) - Freeform, without the fic this was inspired by this fic wouldn't be as in-depth as it is, so go read that one it's so good!!, Break Up, BUT NOT REALLY. EMMA IS JUST OVERWHELMED AND PAUL IS CATASTROPHIZING, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, i think i've tagged everything but if not pls let me know and i'll add it :)

Series: Part 1 of 'The 12 Fics of The Holidays (2023)'

Summary: Paul sees Ted's little brother at Beanie's and suddenly he's consumed with thoughts of what Peter knows and if he knows that it's all Paul's fault. Seeing 'Little Petey' ties Paul's stomach up in knots, and nightmares reign supreme.

[A semi-continuation of 'My Home, My Saviour, My Firefighter', but can be read as a standalone.]

PLEASE READ THE TAGS

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

For @lilacthebooklover <3 We just keep running into each other :)

INSPIRED IN PART BY LILAC'S FIC 'Punishment' SO GO READ IT IT'S AMAZING!!

Paul is our traumatized little blorbo and either we heal him or keep him that way >:)

tws/cws also in the Tumblr tags, pls let me know if I've missed any <3

[aftgficrec]

Fics where Neil gets in a fight and actually wins!! I know it’s more commonly said that he can start fights and not finish them but let’s be for real, the boy was raised by two mafias and is scary as hell (I think i’ve seen someone ask this a while ago but i’m not sure if there’s an updated list) Mainly wondering for like post-canon fics, but au’s are cool too!

There’s quite a bit to discover on this topic, be that AU or in the context of canon.  Of course, Neil rarely comes out of these troubles unscathed, but he wouldn’t be Neil if there wasn’t also a little martyrdom involved.  You might find more on this under our bamf!Neil, butcher!Neil and occasionally raven!Neil tags.  Have a browse, and see if there’s anything you like. - S

Some previous recommendations:

BAMF!Neil here

BAMF!Neil 2 here

BAMF!Neil 3 here

BAMf!Andreil w/happy ending here

badass Neil here

Neil fights and wins here

A dark Neil here

Neil says it's fine i've had worse here

Neil protects Katelyn/the foxes/Andrew here

Foxes find out Neil's not soft here (see list of recs at top of post)

Neil hurts/kills in front of foxes here

new BAMF! or Raven!Neil here

dark!Neil & Andrew here

bad boy Neil here

Neil Josten: Moriyama spy here

Neil kills Nathan here

Killing Eve AU here

‘Skin Comes Apart (Angel in Lothian)’ here

‘Bound for Error’ here

‘turn out the lights’ here (completed)

‘From Dungeons’ here

‘Whiskey Sour’ here

‘Negotiations’ and ‘The Butcher's Hello’ here (updated)

‘Shake my Tomb’ and ‘Appendages’ here

‘The  Butcher’s Son’ here

‘it takes two (but you and i are one)’ here

‘monster (under my bed)’ here

post-canon (more or less):

Out for Blood by Aquared46 [Rated M, 27975 words, complete, 2023, locked]

"Neil’s first thought upon opening his eyes was that he was lucky to be in the trunk of a car instead of the back of a van. His second thought was that even if he survived this, Andrew might finally give into the temptation to kill him." AKA Neil is abducted and everyone has a bad time.

tw: kidnapping, tw: torture, tw: nightmares

born for this by dovegraye [Rated G, 1278 words, complete, 2023]

There are some parts of Nathaniel Abram Wesninski that Neil Abram Josten can’t ignore and refuses to play at trying anymore. This is one of them.

tw: violence

My Lover Writes Me Letters by AceSirenSinger [Rated M, 23018 words, complete, 2023]

He feels it again – the fury, of Neil’s taunting precision, of his expertise honed specifically for Andrew. It makes Andrew furious. Andrew has not felt anything since he woke up with his head on fire, in a room with a man made of compressed violence. *** Andrew loses his memory of the last five years, and forgets Neil. Neil martyrs himself because of course he does.

**tw: threatened rape/noncon between major characters**, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: blood/gore, tw: referenced animal cruelty and death, tw: vomit, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: murder, tw: implied disordered eating 

five times neil beat the babygirl allegations, plus the one time he didn't by r3mus [Rated T, 7488 words, complete, 2023]

neil will NEVER beat the babygirl allegations in MY heart but, alas, he would probably punch me if i called him babygirl to his face.

tw: violence

Damnation by X0X0HauntedX0X0 [Rated M, 15572 words, incomplete, last updated Jan. 2022]

Unkind and ever familiar, that anger Lola had triggered earlier returned with sharp teeth and without mercy. He would rip his time from their hands by force, like he’d been doing every day since he was born. Lola was clever as the devil, but Neil had been raised through the loopholes. She couldn’t hurt his Foxes if she was dead. Or Neil is much more dangerous than anyone gives him credit for.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: torture, tw: blood/gore, tw: alcohol, tw: drugs

NB: fic art of post-torture Neil by @kazzyboy here

Maybe a Mobster by definitely_not_loki [Rated M, 1558 words, complete, 2022]

Neil Josten had transferred at the beginning of this season, and sure he'd been a nightmare for the team, but not in the "I was raised by a serial killer" kind of way. He was hard on the team—way harder than anyone had been before—and he wasn't even the captain. He was just some rookie striker from South Carolina. Most of the time she forgot he was anything but a rookie striker, but then someone would ask about his scars or call him a different name. Those were the few moments she remembered he wasn't just an asshole. He was an asshole with a past. So when The Event happened, she was terrified, horrified beyond all reason, but she was not surprised. Or, Neil is a badass motherfucker.

tw: violence, tw: blood

Neil has some bad habits. by evelynreads23 [Not Rated, 1068 words, complete, 2022]

Neil learnt things when he was young, how to wield a knife, how to hide a body. He was doing good and not thinking about it until someone was telling him he was a fan of the butcher. He was in a haze afterwards and freaked when Jack was being an asshole. This is Neil going to his roots but staying Neil, protecting Andrew and the foxes and not having fun when his past is brought up. Read at your own risk! :)

tw: violence, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: homophobia, tw: panic attacks

Dart Boards and Knife Fights by clumsylittlewriter [Rated T, 2983 words, complete, 2022]

"As if in sync, both of them dropped down into fighting stances and tensed their muscles. 'I apologize in advance if I end up killing you,' Nathaniel said, his voice dangerously quiet.  Natalie threw her head back and released a sharp peal of laughter, more malicious than anything Andrew had ever heard from her. 'Don’t get cocky, Butcher-boy,' she taunted, her eyes glittering with vicious glee. The Butcher’s smile reappeared on his partner’s face." (a game of darts reminds Andrew that Neil was raised by someone fascinated with knives)

All the masks I've left behind by SagaEllen [Rated T, 1879 words, complete, 2021]

Neil does not cry. Aaron asks for help. And everything is such a mess.

tw: knives, tw: violence

all for his foxes by Olympyas [Not Rated, 2469 words, complete, 2021]

If he wanted to defend his family Neil wouldn't be enough, but someone else would, just this time, just for them. This is how Nathaniel opened the door and managed to stop the knife threw at him. And that was familiar, It even became a reflex by now. They taught him. Lola taught him in a way he wouldn't be able to forget. Lola and Romero come for Neil directly at Palmetto and Neil defends his family.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: blood, tw: knives

AU:

Dead Ringer by HalloweenReaper [Rated E, 18892 words, incomplete, last updated Nov. 2023]

“Potential.” Riko slammed Neil against the wall again and whirled on Kevin. Kevin stared back at him, white-faced and tense. “You said that goalkeeper had potential and then wrote him off as useless when I offered him to you....” - The Foxhole Court, Ch. 13. Nathaniel was given to Ichirou as his private hitman after his skills as a marksman were revealed when the Moriyama tracked him and his mother down after they ran away. Riko decided to surprise Kevin with matching “pets” after he found out the goalkeeper Kevin was interested in had a twin. When Nathaniel is ordered to join the Ravens for a year to cover for a series of hits, his smart mouth meets Andrew’s prickly attitude and things get interesting.

tw: abuse, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: animal abuse, tw: panic attacks

Different Roads by frankelled [Rated T, 33944 words, incomplete, last updated Oct. 2023]

Nathaniel became Ichirou's 2nd when he was 10 years old. To protect Nathaniel from becoming a target no one can know, which leaves him in the Nest. When Kevin's hand breaks Nathaniel is in charge of protecting him from Riko, but now in Palmetto

tw: violence, tw: injuries, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: panic attacks

Andrew's Regret by pandaseek [Not Rated, 13860 words, incomplete, last updated Oct. 2023]

“The first three were all former foster parents of Andrew.” Piggins continued, unable to take a hint from the frosty office he’d admitted these things too. “No.” Aaron panicked, staring at Andrew in disbelief. “Andrew has never been…!” Wymack shifted his weight on the filing cabinet, reaching down to grab his trash can and passing it across Andrew in time for Aaron to grab it and spew a cascade of vile liquid into it, while Andrew pushed his chair onto its back legs and avoided all eye contact with those in the cramped office. Andrew knew who did this. The only person who had ever willingly gone to bat for him. A person he had mistakenly believed to be dead long ago; this was proof to the contrary. Except… Except that there was one name missing. - A prompt from Justthislazy, based on my original Lifeline, that I just had to pick up and run with. Thank you for the amazing idea!

tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced csa

Promise, I Can Give You a Reason by maydaykevin [Rated T, 1689 words, complete, 2023]

Something else happens in the fated Millport locker room.

tw: violence

I'm An Accountant by boomba77 [Not Rated, 24101 words, incomplete, last updated Oct. 2023]

Abram Hatford is an accountant. A legitimate accountant. He may work for an infamous crime family, but his hands have been clean for years (of blood, at least). He is a translator and an accountant. He flies under the radar, his existence hidden from the public by his family, and he prefers it that way. For him, the words ‘safe’ and ‘unknown’ are synonymous. So, when one of the Hatford empire’s more lucrative businesses begins stirring up the wrong kind of attention and losing money as a result, the Hatfords require discretion and brains. Their elusive Abram is the only person for the job. Andrew Minyard is a part-time server at a random diner and a part-time bartender at The Den, where he spends most of his time drinking what he’s supposed to be serving. It isn’t until strange things start happening around the club that Andrew decides to pay a bit more attention to the shady shit going on at his work. And then, when a stranger shows up looking for work with a perfect resume and a symmetrical face, Andrew finds his suspicion, and his interest, double. All of the death and destruction is bad, sure, but at least it’s interesting. OR Waiting for death is not living.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: dissociation, tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: scars

Rheostat by NeilfuckingJosten [Rated M, 14315 words, incomplete, last updated Aug 2023]

Nathaniel Wesninski, alias Neil Josten is finally out of the Nest and into the world of professional exy. Deadly, smart and worse than his father, Nathaniel will bring a storm into Andrew's quiet world. AKA, they meet in the pro's.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced abuse

I Was Ruined From The Start by BrokenPineTree [Rated M, 39021 words, incomplete, last updated April 2023]

Neil’s grin is audible as he replies. "Riko’s antics getting outed to the public would make him a liability. And I do remember telling you that threats need to be dealt with accordingly." Kevin's stomach lurches into his throat with the conclusions he jumps to. "So, you’re gonna go back to the Nest?" He asks quietly. Slowly. Unsure how to feel about Neil putting himself in that situation again. He can't do that, right? He has other things to worry about now. Neil hums disapprovingly. "Try again," He offers. Kevin does. "You're... coming to Palmetto?" The au where Kevin doesn't have full confidence in Andrew's ability to stand between him and his lurking demons after only spending a few months at Palmetto. But with the dangerous card itching to emerge from under his sleeve, does he really need to?

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: nonconsensual drug use, tw: panic attacks

True Crime by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 1789 words, complete, 2022]

All Andrew needed was the WiFi password.

tumblr posts:

Neil Does Not Like when people mess with his people. by @hmmm-shesucks [tumblr, 2023]

Whenever any of the foxes are slightly inconvenienced by someone enough to complain about them, Neil always asks, “Do you want me to take care of it?”

tw: implied/referenced violence

Neil gets in a fight by @hmmm-shesucks [tumblr, 2023]

Neil gets in a fight on the court and it’s one of those where gloves are dropped and helmets are thrown and the punches are quick and hard.

tw: blood, tw: violence 

Neil is dangerous and Aaron knows it hc by @thefoxholestuff [tumblr, 2021]

I love the idea of Neil being the really dangerous one rather than Andrew and the Foxes all being Shook and Andrew being a gay disaster over it

Part 2 - an expansion 

here’s an expansion of my Neil-is-dangerous-and-Aaron-knows-it post,

one night the foxes are at edens and some guy starts to harass Andrew hc by @zipperuser103 [tumblr, 2021]

I know that Neil “starts fights that he can’t finish”, but I refuse to believe that he has no fighting skills at all.

tw: violence

Art

bamf!Neil  by @emry-stars-art

(Feat. BAMF? Assassin? Secret Agent? Neil) by @baylecn

Good boy, junior by @jayjuls

Killer In The Mirror by @allfortheslay25

Killing Eve AU by @rainbowd00dles

Wesninski looks good on you by @ouijacine

[ao3feed-supercorp]

Not Alone

by turtlehyacinth

“I… I need some help,” Lena stutters.

“…With?”

She hesitates, really looks at Kara, then carefully, Lena peels back her coat, revealing a ripped dress and bruises clearly marring her ribs.

“The first place my mother would look for me would be the hospital. I was kind of hoping you had some first aid training.”

OR

When the worst happens, Lena has to put aside her anxiety to accept the love from her found family, even if Alex insists on calling her ‘Little Luthor’ and she finds it all rather unbecoming.

TW- heavy themes of sexual assault. Read with care.

Words: 5408, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Supergirl (TV 2015)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F

Characters: Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers

Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor

Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Protective Kara Danvers, Doctor Alex Danvers, Supportive Sister Alex Danvers, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Angst, Romance, Sisters, Found Family, Eating Disorders, Sad Lena Luthor, Lena luthor is traumatised, Suicidal Thoughts, Hurt Lena Luthor

from AO3 works tagged 'Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor' https://ift.tt/oB9kyJP via IFTTT https://ift.tt/oB9kyJP

[sasdavvero]

sasdavvero BNHA One-Shots Masterlist

Other Fandoms Masterlist

complete masterlist

they are in chronological order, from the first I published to the most recent unless specified, the ff are on Ao3

My Hero Academia

No Need For Words: one-shot, Dabi-centric, dabi&hawks [ita]

Hoping That's Enough: one-shot, Dabi/Hawks, angst and fluff (implied/referenced su*cide attempt) [ita]

That Day: one-shot, Dabi-centric, angst [ita]

Even If It's Fake: one-shot, Dabi/Hawks, unrequited love [ita-ao3/ita-efp/eng]

Tap Tap Tap: one-shot, Dabi/Hawks,fluff, post-canon [ita-ao3/ita-efp/eng]

Fake: one-shot, AroAce DabiHawks, first kiss [ita/eng]

I Miss You: one-shot, Hero!Dabi, character study/vent, TW // eating disorder [eng]

Nontiscordardimé: one-shot, Dabi/Hawks, MCD, hurt no comfort [ita-ao3/ita-efp]

Che Dio Ci Benedica: one-shot, Dabi/Hawks, smut and blasphemy (kinda crack) [ita]

Look: one-shot, POV 2nd person, Dabi-centric, Dabi/Hawks, requited unrequited love [eng]

I Want You: one-shot, Fem!DabiHawks, PWP, fluff kinda [ita-ao3/ita-efp]

Sete : one-shot, Dabi/Hawks, PWP, starts crackish, becomes smutty and goes to fluff [ita-ao3/ita-efp]

Fashion Advice: one-shot, Dabi&Alt!Dabi, Crack Treated Seriously, how Dabi chose his new look [ita-ao3/ita-efp]

Una Cena Con Inferno: one-shot, Dabi, TW // eating disorder [ita-ao3/ita-efp]

Letter To A Once Lover: one-shot, Fem!DabiHawks, AU - corruption/ the villains won, Letter [eng]

Only a Dream: Possession!Hawks/Canon!Hawks, PWP [eng]

No. 6

Home: one-shot, Nezushi, melancholic, slice of life [ita-ao3/ita-efp/eng/Tumblr link]

What Do You See? : one-shot, implied Nezushi, for the No.6 Secret Santa 2022, angst [eng/tumblr link]