#u think hating me will get u attention
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I don't often post my non kink related art but I'm tryna get the attention of someone else in the community and am too shy and cringe to reach out so. Here, have this portrait I did of Hanzo Shimada. With my finger. On ibis paint. This took me four hours. Progress for proof below.
#we have so many similar interests and im trying to not be cringe about that 🧍♂️#hi im autistic and some people are really really hard to reach out to lol#anyways ove/watch fandom please don't look at my fat kink blog i cannot handle normie anon hate rn#plus id. what u think bc u play OVE/WATCH#idc* oops#not retyping all that#and if you have seen this art on animo and noticed i updated my signature no u didnt!!!#i dont want people on amino knowing im a fat guy that thinks it hot to get fatter#let me be kinky in peace#hanzo#hanzo art#hanzo shimada#hanzo fanart#overwatch fanart#watch either get no notes at all like all my other art or spark the first fatphobic harassment campaign against me bc i dared#to post out my uaual tags#anyways#artists on tumblr#trans artist#overwatch#my art ALWAYS gets ignored its such a SHITTY FUCKING FEELING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats WHY I NEVER POST IT !!!!!!!!!!!!#but whatever im not normal and need to make friends somehow#when people learn to give the attention my art is worth ill post more#but yall on this site NEVER. do ( at least on ever blog I had before this one)#i just dobt post much of it here bc whats the point? no one gives a shit about my intrests and skillls#im just. pretty face to look at#and thats all ill ever be or amount to#bi polar ramblings ig ig ig
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when jane's powers return in season four (and because they were regained by her confronting and accepting her past, rather than being retraumatised with it!) they're stronger than they ever were. when she starts getting a handle back on them, she very quickly comes to realise not only have they affected her, but her mother, too. one of the biggest losses that came about with her losing them was the fact that she could no longer visit terry in the void; while there was no real communication there, it did allow jane to sit with her, and gain a little more connection than she could in the real world. when she first visits the void after their return, it takes her three hours to find terry, something that is both unexpected and incredibly worrying. but when she does, it's something of a miracle. jane's increased strength and control over the void actually wakes terry up from her catatonic state, but only in the void. there's no way to help her mother physically, but she does do so (unbeknownst to her) mentally. terry is reborn in jane's newfound control over the vale of shadows; she becomes the woman she once was, and while her body remains frozen in a "good dream", her mind connected to jane's own allows her some freedom. jane is able to speak to her mother in the void, is able to be held by her, and while it's still unfair and jane cannot stay in there forever, it's something. this only lasts for about eight months, as each visit slowly begins deteriorating terry's physical and mental state, and jane's health begins declining after spending hours upon hours in the void each and every day.
when jane finds out these visits are actually killing her mother on the outside, she deems to stop, but terry expresses the importance of them being able to speak, that she'd prefer to die on the outside, if it meant she could have just a few months with her daughter like this. terry and jane's connection was always so strong, which ultimately led to terry "waking up" in the void, but even jane's newfound strength cannot save her from the harsh realities. each visit nearing the end of those eight months, terry fades more and more, becomes weaker in the void, and her real body eventually gives up. jane's in the void when her mother eventually passes on, and physically feels their connection weaken, like some part of her suddenly becomes lost in the shadows, a part she'll never find again. jane falls into a depressive state for weeks after her mother's death, given she's technically lost her a second time, but soon comes to realise she was lucky to have even shared those eight months together. it was better than nothing at all. there is a proper burial and funeral, (and when jane dies, she's buried next to her mother) which allows jane some sense of closure. she never fully recovers from losing terry, nor from the fact that she never had a proper relationship with her, but she does eventually find some peace with it all.
#study‚ in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal.#IF U SAW ME POSTING THIS YESTERDAY. no u didn't.#i wanted to change things again (who is surprised!!) and decided to just rewrite it all rip.#me taking a few weeks off from this blog and then coming back with a brand new terry / jane hc? more likely than u think.#purely self indulgent too i might add!#every day i battle with making my terry portrayal canon to jane's timeline so jane can have her mother in every verse not just#selected ones.#but. her not having her mother is ultimately important to my writing of her and sfjasfjas >:( hate myself for it.#so here be a brand new addition to my timeline that gives jane SOME time with her mother!!! bc i need it for my mental health.#i imagine when terry dies her body turns to smoke in the void. almost like what happened to billy when jane was spying on him.#and he stopped her connection and faded in front of her.#and jane also visited terry a lot in the void because it allowed her to see more memories of her mother.#i hc that she had a real grasp on that before s3 when she looks into billy's memories.#terry (even in her catatonic state) WANTED jane to see what happened to her in hawkins lab.#so she'd want her to see the good stuff too. her childhood. andrew. her grandmother that raised her and becky.#all the good memories!#so when terry dies jane loses all that completely.#which leads to jane grappling with the conflict of whether or not she should have kept visiting terry in the void which eventually led to#her death.#because if she hadn't connected to her. she'd at least be able to look back on all those memories.#jane becomes obsessed within those months and barely speaks to anyone else.#in any free time she has. she's in the void with terry.#her own physical body grows very weak after a little while but she pays no attention to it and even gets into heated arguments with becky.#because becky is jane's carer and needs her safe and healthy. needs to look after her.#but jane is so adamant about the fact that this is her MOTHER and she's finally able to speak to her.#UGH i have so much to say abt this actually i sense a brand new addition to my timeline coming on.#ANYWAY. i'm emotional about them that is all.
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in his eyes they could be enemies to lovers
#bpe!#oc art#morro is probably like 'hmph....... hes making fun of me for listening to p!atd'#they hate each other for like no reason#the way kai exists in my mind is silly to me#he's popular except he has negative rizz#hes like clone high frida mixed with gsnk mikorin#theres no filter between his brain and his mouth#he thinks somone is cute and then he just be saying stuff#his side of beef w morro probably comes from morro initially does not gaf about him#so hes like 'pay attentions to meeee😢' and then just messes with him to get that attention#'u should be addicted to shutting the fuck up' 'u wanna kiss me so bad it makes u look stupid'#except kai in actuallity is the one looking stewpid
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tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO
#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*'#sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be#and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like#idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!!#not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background#well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one#lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch#it's just that doing so makes me . crazy#my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me#i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental#like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit#but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig#it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not#but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself#then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER#idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah#for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds#once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!'#& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW#like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED#art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person#literally. just be GOOD.#it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT#<- mfs when no basketball#mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!
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#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished#and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing#or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol#inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!!#which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont#wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol#but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball#and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose#its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh#or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die#im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it#ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier#but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic#environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species#like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene#transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling.#i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt#teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff#what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready#my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol#unrelated
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/ I say I do not like lb6 yet I have 4 characters that appear in it as muses
#;ooc#ooc#;delete later#OK NO BUT LIKE; THIS ISNT A 'i hate 'x' thing' :hangs up posters about it: MEME SITUATION#i genuinely think it was sooooo long and i understood less than half of it#i was BORED it was TEDIOUS#i legit only got to understand some characters through research separatedly bc i just couldnt get them??#maybe its my poor comprehension skills but#(and also the fact i think c.astoria is overrated) BUT ANYWAYS-#LIKE;; the idea on itself is not bad when u summarize it;; its just that it was#constantly packed with 554957458 specific lore things that u had to keep in mind for the story while being covered in fillery dialogue#+ extend it for a lot of chapters#so its also like; u cant really skip things bc u never know when they'll drop some foreshadowing or important thing to remember for later#-on in the story#and if u ask me; yes all lb's have fillery stuff but i dunno; i felt this one particularly stacked with other stuff#that just contributed in not making it that enjoyable for me to read#also my rather poor memory and short attention span could have contributed on it#i tend to :try: to look objectively at stuff but allow me to give my personal thoughts on it once (1)#/for my muts who arent into f.ate; lb means lostbelt and its basically like;; part of the story (?)#dont ask me about strict lore stuff im the least qualified for that like wtf is even going on anymore OITUROUITH
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Preview for GotG #03...
#guardians of the galaxy#wednesday spoilers#tw animal death#spoilers tag if u care i doubt anyone at this point does but ah.#why are they being turned into the british :(#idc if Djurdjevic had redesigned pete for the modern age to be vaguely british THAT WAS TWO DECADES AGO.. AND IT WAS ALREADY A DUMB STRETCH#anyways this is how i lose. goodbye goodbye to the astrologers of spartax and the mystic angle i guess#not that i don't think spartoi society isn't bigoted. they absolutely are we know this. i'd like an exploration of that issue but UHM#maybe not like this cartoonish thing written by two white men.#doubt she'll actually show up but at least victoria is still queen?? small win?? PLEASE don't fuck her up too#they really perverted peter's gold antlers by giving him a dumb hat with wooden ones... get out of here. i hate u.#also idk if it's just my dumb brain or my attention span problems but every issue of this is so hard to read and comprehend is it JUST me??#genuine question for anyone who's read this far into the tags legit is anything else by these writers. like this...
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sorry but i still think it is so so crazy and insane to look at a child—ANY child, any teenager, ANYONE, but especially CHILDREN—and hit them. as a punishment or warning or whatever. that is so crazy to me. how could you ever look at a child and bring yourself to hurt them in any way shape or form??????????? that’s insane to me.
#emyrs.txt#tw childhood abuse#????? idk if this warrants that. but if i should more tags lemme know !!#YES. EVEN THE ANNOYING ONES.#spent. a great deal of time w my cousins’ friend the other day and she’s. technically 11 so. not a child in the technical sense. but anyone#under 17 to me is so so so young. (YES. i’m only 19. this isn’t bc i’m incredibly old and wise or whatever. it’s bc i’m old enough 2 see how#young i was then. if that makes sense. anyways).#and she was. SO INCREDIBLY annoying. and i have SO little patience and even less tact into how to get her to Stop. so i just smiled and#nodded and pretended that i wasn’t losing all of my patience. bc she is 11. and i remember being 11 & annoying. & being a kid means being#annoying anyways so whatever.#anyways. i hate thinking about my cousins and the kids in my family it makes me sick to stomach.#not bc their parents r abusive or whatever i just don’t think they’re getting the care and attention they need & i don’t want them to grow#up w as weird and fucked up feelings as me and my older cousins have.#also this whole thing is bc i was reading atla fanfiction and got sad about zuko. NWWNNDNDFN#literally i just can’t comprehend the idea of ever physically hurting a child. how do u live with urself afterwords.#i’m tired. this made me very sad. ok bye.
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I just want to drop by n let u know that your signs and therefore your horoscope doesn’t take yr personality disorder into consideration. do with that what u will
#it’s all abt fundamentals. yr core#behind all the coping mechanisms and trauma responses and disorders#also ppl don’t realize how much each of the signs interact w each other based on their ruling planet#if u don’t relate to yr sun sign (the only one most ppl know) then I recommend looking into yr other signs and seeing what they all actually#mean for u. everyone has almost every sign with a different ruling planet but most ppl just think everyone is one sign and there is a set of#traits for each one and they’re often wrong. that is because u are basing every aspect of yr personality on one single sign when really#each sign reflects one or more aspects of it#for example yr moon sign rules yr emotions moods and feelings and how u are when u are most comfortable. that is one part of u and whatever#yr moon sign is is the one who’s traits apply to that area! same goes for all the other signs and ruling planets u can have one without the#other if u want it to make any sense to u#and again yr signs have no way of knowing what yr brain looks like past where the planets were when u were born.#I never related to being a leo bc they’re outgoing and attention whores and materialistic. then I realized not only is being a leo sun one#aspect of my chart and not my whole self but also that I was raised in a way that specifically made me reject a lot of those traits#so I mapped it all out and focused on fundamentals (which actually is a rlly cool way to get to know yrself and think abt how u rlly are)#for example I hate attention because of specific disorders I have. but I secretly love being taken care of and seek out attention in ways#that divert from regular “everyone look at me!” mega confidence ways#also not on either side of the is astrology real discourse I just like it cuz it’s fun and a bit of wisdom for the day I don’t let it rule m#life lol. but if u are interested or even just frustrated or think u hate astrology cuz it isn’t true for u u might just not get it yet!#it’s more complicated than it seems and much less simple than ppl first think#dens.thots
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#my guys getting a ~new diagnosis at 25 is EXHAUSTING???#at least as a chronic overthinker ig bc whew#every day i swing from oohhh yep im definitely autistic to noooo i don't think i fit it enough esp sensory wise and blabla#i make eyecontact (but now im thinking about it and it's like being conscious of your breathing yk?? and then it's like. is that why#it doesn't feel that natural suddenly or??? and if im a little uncomfortable i stop making eyecontact but ig that's ~normal)#and then with noise and light i don't KNOW i don't know if it's all bc im paying attention now#like you see MAYBE im just pretending my depression symptoms/self-dislike are autism but what actually happens is just that#and i wonder like is my almost compulsively picking at my nails or scabs (i know) stimming or? and what stims would i like how do you KNOW#anyways. had autism group therapy last week and it was v chill and lowkey and also relatable at times though we didn't cover that much#but the overhead lights stayed off and that was great bc i hate u massive tl lights (but im prone to migraines so who knows!)#anyways. my mum did say it makes sense to her and my sister accepted it in a heartbeat JDMDMD and she studies psych and had to#deal with me growing up and bossing her around (our strongest soldier)#and on holidays it takes me a week to get settled usually but i THOUGHT that was depression bc i feel isolated and lonely for a while#so yknow??? sighhhh i am discussing this in therapy but i wanna KNOW i want facts so i can speed through the acceptance process cmon#(i know.......)#anyways. if you're still reading 1) mwah and 2) input is always welcome#insofar any of this made sense
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#let me express to u perhaps The frustration of my life#i like to learn. it is perhaps my favorite thing. new information. more more more constantly#but. my fucking brain is the fucking worst. because im not fucking stupid if i can focus and process the words being said i can understand#many things. i like to learn about math and physics and chemistry and biology and anatomy... ect concepts#but the focus and the processing of words is where we have problems. because i cannot focus for more than like 5min#i blink and suddenly ive been spaced out for a sec and need to reorient. i cant prioritize what to do 1st and im constantly bouncing betwee#tasks so nothing ever gets done and im too intimidated to start learning things. and when im trying to learn we habe the processing words#problem. like my reading comprehension is so fucking bad. like i will read a book on paper and maybe retain 25% of the info if im not#hardcore trying. for a class where i had to do a ton of paper reading. i had to read everything out loud to myself. highlight important#info. write myself a summary based on the highlights and then read the paper again before i could even begin to feel comfortable in#discussions. it was so fucking frustrating and miserable. ppl will give me physical books and im like thanks i cant fucking read sorry#too fucking dyslexic. read and listen they say. u have to read and listen at the same time bc i cant pay attention and i cant read#so if i do both then maybe the info gets in. thats y i have to read aloud but i hate it and still get distracted#i mean. i probably just have an attention problem. its also really annoying that my short term working memory is so awful#bc in order to make things make sense i have to draw or write them out. i cant judt go off the top of my head or i get stuck saying thr sam#thing over and over and over. its like my ability to think is extremely shallow. but thrn i read papers and recognize concepts from classes#i took years ago and im like. fucking y cant i know what i know? my head feels so empty but info is in there somewhere#its just so fucking frustrating that i love understanding systems so much. complex annoying little systems that fit together like a puzzle#and my fucking brain refuses to accept the information im trying to get in there. so i return to a remark left on my dyslexia assignment:#intelligent when not constrained by language or time. thanks. unfortunately language is how ppl communicate#also i freak out under time pressure lol. anyway ive just been reading papers for fun this weekend and remembering y i dont: bc its agony#but also i fucking love the concepts so much and i need a good understanding of photosynthesis before August when i join a photosynthesis#lab lmao. ugh. i love learning but my brain was not buildmt#built for it. if only if only someone could podcast about the obscure things im interested in while reading directly from the source#unrelated#also its like 105 degrees plus. its too fucking hot out#thats like 40 degrees C. the sun is like a death ray
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🐸
#..........................................................................................................#I feel like I deserve It because my body looks bad and I am Bad and everything about me is Bad#like I had a good fucking day why do I feel bad now#im so jealous of anyone who was born into a normal ass body that doesn't look like mine#I hate!! how effeminate I am!!#I hate!! how im a straight man but I look like a little girl#I am constantly worried that everyone thinks that im gay and that that somehow makes me morally wrong!!#nothing wrong w being gay !! if u are gay !!#im just not gay#and I feel like I should be bc of how effeminate I am/feel#I don't get to choose the way that my body looks#or the personality disorders/mental fuckass disabilities that live in my head and control what I do!!!!!!#I feel so ugly!!! I want to be fixed!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I also don't think that I have adhd I think im making it up for attention and im actually a lazy piece of shit#I want to be medicated so bad!!! im so angry!! that I can't be normal no matter what I do!!!#like in my head adhd is just Lazy Bad Person Disease and ik the ppl ik w adhd#aren't lazy and bad#its just that I Am Lazy And Bad#oversharing on the internet bc I don't see my therapist til Monday and all of my friends are asleep!! teehee#need to escape into the place in my head where I am with Her but it is poisoned now bc ik that she doesn't want me and im running out of#delusions to subsist on#I want to be with her but I hate her at the same time#bc why is she so attractive!!!!! and not with anybody!!#I wish I was attractive and ppl wanted me!!#I am so lonely and angry!!! I want to d13!!
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I hate that everything either has to be a joke or a debate. Where is the earnestness. Where is the vulnerability. Where is the connection that yall claim to crave yet resist so hard by deflecting everything.
#its insufferable with ppl at work everything has to be a dick measuring contest or a joke#they are sooo insecure that they have to be right at all time or make a joke about it bc they dont have the emotional intelligence#to like. connect with another human being#or they're weirdly competing with coworkers when the other person is just doing their job lmao#cant be me im here to do my job and help others do their jobs well instead of feeling paranoid that others are out to squash you#who gives a shit if one person becomes a star or whatever when the rest of the team suffers#I hate grind culture + I wanna be a certified life-liver#this is also not just#work shit#but also something i see online a lot lmao im not saying i hate bantering and joking but some ppl go on stranger's post#and make a joke that doesnt land bc you dont have that rapport with the op#or get weirdly hostile and bait the op to debate u when theyre just there#idk it's super weird and comes across as insecurity to me bc its like u have to prove that youre funny or smart#when u can just be u. why do u wanna be the funnyman. funny = laughs = attention? idk. why do u wanna be right. right = smart = feel good?#what do you have to prove when u can work on yourself and feel good about urself from within. i think it's weird to use others as ur crutch#or use others as ur means to feel better about urself. where is the earnestness!!!!!!!!
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I think Bakugou and Izuku sit in a room with you to keep you company for MLP but end up forming strong opinions on the characters lol
Oh absolutely, and can you blame them?????? I honestly, truly believe you could get anyone that way because the show is just that....... nice.
(besides, they have a bunch of real violence going on in their lives... they need and deserve to watch sweet, calming things when they're home)
anyway, deku admits he likes watching the show w/ you after like ... 4 episodes, and bakugo.... probably never admits it LOL but gets invested instantly even if it does take three seasons for him to really settle down and actually watch with his eyes (instead of falling asleep)...
but i've thought about it already and:
bakugo likes rainbow dash and twilight the best, and he's problematic about it too bc a lot of the friendship lessons he doesn't agree with the solutions LMFAOOO and just wants them to succeed. also kind of a starlight hater bc he's holding a grudge... and i can't decide whether he'd like or hate fluttershy. either way would definitely beat discord's ass (applejack is his third favorite).
and deku likes all the ponies, but his faves are applejack and rarity... and he'd go to the ends of the earth defending her adfnakdjf. it's funny bc in the same vein, u can tell rainbow dash is his least fave, but he'd never actually say that out loud. he just gets pouty @ all her behavior. he's a starlight enjoyer tho and LOL a cadence and shining armor fan, too.... which is kinda... okay.
ANYWAY LOL idk if they'd go around talking about it to their friends, but you're so right. SO RIGHT. and also maybe this is just me, but i can imagine Bakugo wearing one of these as a joke:
#bakugo#deku#LMFAOOO 000000#like i dont think even the most hateful person could say mlp is bad#maybe they don't like it but it's not as bad as ppl make it seem#anyway uhhhhhhhhhh i hope this is alright#i wouldnt force them to watch it but bakugo is always doing that thing where he stands behind u to see what ur looking at#on the tv or computer#and if it's a show he'll always end up watching the whole thing#even if he refuses to sit down#plus if ur both home. he refuses to go to bed without u so. if ur bedtime show is mlp#he's just there by extension#deku just wants to hang and he's a pushover so he'll agree to mlp#altho he also probs feels bad abt all the all might specials he's made u watch#LOL HE'S JUST HAPPEN IT'S NOT TEEN WOLF OR A DRAMA LMAO he hates those and gets jealous of ur attention#but uhhh#that's how it happens in my mind#me and bakugo would fight over watching rainbow dash epsiodes......#not important#and lmao i still love the headcanon he has a bunch of terrible tshirts he wears on the weekend#ik thats supposed to be deku's gag but he's probably more picky abt what ends up in the collection#bakugo will wear stuff from hot topic without even reading the slogan#okay tho bye love u anon thanks for entertaining me#caitie things#anon#gen#mlp
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I feel like I’ve come to understand how my idiot cat comminicates well enough to distinguish different meows n shit…
He’s really pulling that fucking “mum… mumm… mummy! Ma! Mama!!!” bit EVERY DAY. Bitch doesn’t even WANT anything he doesn’t already have, istg he JUST wants to get me up and pissed off and keep me awake
#its also kinda that game kids play of throwing shit on the floor so u HAVE to fetch it#like no fuck you#insolent little brat#eat your food and shut the fuck up#i am as good as i can be to this little bastard and all he does is scream and destroy things and climb where he shouldn’t#he thinks going UP NEAR THE CEILING FAN IS A GREAT WAY TO GET MY ATTENTION#YEAH BUT NOW IM SCARED AND MAD MARVIN#and he ALWAYS does this shit when i NEED to sleep..#and the times where he just reeeaaally wants me to scrunch him on the rug???#first of all FUCK YOU for ONLY liking to be pet in this one particular spot of the house#i literally cannot be on my knees there all the time iT HURTS ME#secondly ??!? do i fucking do this to you when YOU are sleeping??? i think the FUCk not#ahHHHHHH#shit man fuck#shut up ashwyn#the thing i hate most about it is how i HAVE to pet him or he wont stop#but he makes me SO f C ing angry that im SHAKING and have trouble controling my strength#so im pissed off and frantic and at the same time terrified im gonna break his stupid little cat bones with my big dumb human hands#the end result is almost always that i gotta get fUCKEC up high and cry into my pillow until i can pass out for MAYBE 4 hours before work#and trying not to kms for being rough with this stupid masochistic cat#like its well established he WANTS the nastiest most violent petting sessions u can manage.. but i still feel so guilty#the Anger in ME when it happens is probably the main culprit…#and/or whatever cocktail of mental illness my brain is sloshin aroun in#anyway… sorry..#i think i will delete this within the hour i just.. im so tired n i needed to get this out of my system..
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