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soubi122 · 8 months

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How Long? PT 8 - Finale

All, this was a rollercoaster of emotions - thank you so much for your support and patience with this series.

WARNINGS: Manipulation, mentions of pregnancy, pregnancy, fear, angst, anxiety, suggestive, mentions of death/murder, cheating, overall toxic behavior, destructive behavior, smut, fluff- if I missed anything in the warnings I'm sorry!

Homecoming

Arriving back home, you began to plan out your revenge. How could you make him hurt as much as he’s hurt you? Could you risk setting up one of his little sidechicks to clash with his pregnant mistress and make everything come crashing down. He had plenty to choose from. Like vultures they came in to see what scraps they could get after your death. It would be risky and you would need to ask Mikey for permission, with you being back in Tokyo - your life was no longer yours.

The sound of his phone vibrating only made you even more annoyed. You were so close to smashing it against a wall but you stopped yourself, you couldn’t destroy your evidence. Without a moment to spare, you began to print his messages, pictures included. Ugh, it made you sick to your stomach having to read these things again. Seeing all the women he was messing with and worst of all - the bullshit ‘I love yous’ that he would say. I love you. Those words meant nothing to him, he oh so casually threw them around to these women. It was like throwing bread crumbs to pigeons. They were eating that shit up and not even second guessing it.

After about an hour of printing, taping papers to the wall and making a mess out of Mikey's living room - you decided to take a break. Sprawled out on the floor, you remained quiet and stared at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity. Your vision began to get blurry and the throbbing in your chest wouldn't cease. It got worse and worse with each passing second, you ended up curling up on the floor and crying your little heart out. Even though you already made up your mind, it was still hard to get over it. The betrayal, the lies, the pain, everything… It was hitting you all at once. Ran always found a way to break you. The echoes of your cries reached Mikey as he walked through the doorway. Without hesitation he bolted to where you were. “Angel? What hap…pened?” He paused and looked around his living room. The explicit content made him feel sick. Turning to look at you on the floor, he reached over to pick you up and cradled you in his arms. Your sobs and hiccups made a pang in his chest. He hated seeing you like this, you didn't deserve any of this.

Softly speaking and leaning in to place a kiss on your forehead, Mikey asked you to explain. After spilling your heart out to him, he embraced you tighter and apologized to you. He should have stayed with you last night but already warned you not to leave the house again. “Manjiro…I feel like I never really knew him.” You cry and bury yourself in his chest. All his bullshit ended up swallowing you whole. “I don’t know who I fell in love with….” You say softly into his chest. The poison honied tone could have made Mikey set the world on fire for you. “We’ll figure this out.” He says softly and places a kiss on your forehead. A simple well placed hand on your belly made Manjiro bite the inside of his cheek, this gesture - did you really want…one? Would you want one with him or was this a breaking point for you?

*meanwhile*

Ran and the others continued their plans on how to contain the hellfire that was unleashed amongst Bonten. The master of keeping tabs of everyone (Sanzu), was able to track down every single person who the pregnant woman was in touch with. Kokonoi traced all call records and texts between the woman and her contacts - all her information was at their fingertips. “Remember, this needs to be a covert operation.” Kakucho said before they began hunting down all of her contacts. Needless to say, Ran was in charge of silencing his mistress.

On the way home, Ran’s hands began to tremble - he was letting this get the better of him. The thoughts racing inside his head were making it difficult to focus on the road ahead. His car’s center console alerted him of an incoming phone call. It made his stomach drop, speak of the devil. He thought to himself when he read the caller ID. Picking up the call and answering with a dry Hello, he waited for her squeaky little voice to say babe. It was silent, he got a little irritated and was about to call out again but the sound of someone breathing heavily and sniffles made his ears perk up. “(M/N)? Oi?! Can you hear me?” He yelled and pulled over to the side of the highway. “Ran… come home - now!” Her voice was full of panic and fear. “Shit… I'm almost there.” He said and sped down the highway. Ran couldn’t afford to have her think he didn’t care about her, not when she held so much leverage against him. But what could have her all shaken up?

When he finally made it home, he was surprised to see his pregnant mistress standing by the doorway. She had tears in her eyes and the moment she saw him, she threw herself into his arms, crying and stuttering over her words. “W-who could have d-done this?” She cried and clung to him. Ran’s head turned to look through the doorway and his stomach dropped. His home was a disaster. Broken glass, torn papers, clothes and various items scattered everywhere. Was there really someone stupid enough to try and rob/trash the home of a Bonten executive? To make matters worse, what if your pregnant mistress was there at the time this took place? They would have jeopardized his plan to silence her. “Stay here.” He instructed her and walked inside. Everything was in disarray, there was no place in his home that wasn’t fucked with. Walking inside his bedroom, he saw that all his belongings were either broken or torn. What really set him off was seeing his picture frame shattered - the proposal photo of you and him was shredded. He felt his blood boil. Something caught his eye, his baton was on the floor amongst the destroyed belongings. This was personal, this was done by someone who knew of where his momentous were hidden. There were only three people in the world that knew where he kept that thing. You, Rindou and his pregnant mistress. There was no way it was Rindou as he was with Ran the entire time, it sure as hell couldn’t have been you as you were taken by Mikey and were to remain hidden until all this blows over. The only person was…her.

To make matters worse, she was always jealous of you and begged him to get rid of your photo - she couldn’t stand the sight of it. Jealousy on a woman was always an ugly thing to him. Even if he was the cause of it. Funny how he finds jealousy appalling and yet he had the gull to come at you like that back home. Ripping up the photo seemed like something she would do. Could it have been possible that she found out about your return? Rumors could have spread the moment Ran departed for Wakkanai. She always kept tabs with the underlings, so hearing that Ran disappeared after a mysterious revelation - it wouldn’t surprise him that she knew. All fingers pointed in her direction. Walking out of his penthouse, he kept a calm demeanor and only consoled his mistress. She was genuinely terrified but all he could see was red. Playing the victim and pretending to be innocent, it suited her. “Ran, could someone be after our baby?” She cried pathetically, in his eyes. “No, no sweetheart - unless, you told everyone already about it?” He said in a low sweet tone, the number one rule in the underground was to keep your family affairs out of the picture. She stuttered and cried even louder. “I’m so sorry, I told a few friends! I was so excited and happy to become a mother.” She blurts out and pouts. They both knew that she fucked up, it puts not only the baby at risk but it also puts Ran at risk.

“Let’s go back to the office, you’ll be safe there…” He said and pulled her in close, the fake affections were so perfect that she didn’t suspect the real danger she was in. He was trying his hardest not to choke the life out of her. The poor girl has no idea that the devil has other plans for her.

Bringing her back to the office, he sat her down and was being sweet to her. Coddling her and comforting her, trying to ease her worries. He felt disgusted with himself. (oh how the tables have turned) Dealing with a pregnant woman was overwhelming for him, especially when it wasn’t someone he loved. With a seductive pout, she asked Ran for a kiss - he gave it to her. It tasted bitter to him as he closed his eyes. The lips he’s kissed often now felt foreign, they felt like sandpaper against his and he compared her to you. Thinking about how your lips were soft and plush, your sweet taste and the sound of your voice. You were everything to him, you controlled his heart and had a hold on him like no other - Ran lost himself in you and ended up deepening the kiss with his mistress. She wrapped her arms around his neck and proceeded to return his misguided affection. He put his hand against her belly and caressed it, remembering you on the airplane holding that child - it made his chest hurt. He wanted nothing more than for you to carry his child. To make him a father and give him a new reason to live. With a breathy moan, Ran spoke without thinking - “Fuck… I love you so much.” This made his mistress elated, “I love you too, Ran.” This continued for several minutes until Rindou walked through his office door, “What the hell happened?” It made Ran snap out of his delusion and realize who was in front of him. He felt his heart drop. He slowly pulled away from her, making it almost seem as if he’s saddened to go. The moment he walked out the door, he made a beeline towards the men’s bathroom and rinsed his mouth. Rindou trailed behind him and tore him a new one.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He shoved Ran and pinned him against the wall by his collar. For Rindou to go against his elder brother, it was some serious shit. “Get your shit together and make your fucking choice!” He almost snarled at Ran. The younger Haitani couldn’t stand to see Ran in this pathetic state, he could see cracks in his brother's face and only prayed that he wouldn’t crumble. The realization of his actions hit Ran like a truck, he told her he loved her. He shared emotions meant for someone else. Rindou released his brother and told him to take a few minutes to breathe and focus on eliminating the current problem. Ran felt like vomiting, anguish was eating away at him and he couldn't hold it in. Confusion plagued his mind and didn’t know left from right. He proceeded to throw up and wished you were here to assuage him. He was losing his mind.

“Did anyone say anything when I left Tokyo?” Ran asked his brother, he was pensive. He needed to formulate some sort of plan before walking back into the office. The last thing he wanted was for his mistress to catch wind of the real reason as to why she was brought to headquarters. Rindou gave him the rundown of everything that happened while he was gone. Rumors were quick to spread but only the main 8 knew the actual truth of you being alive, Mikey was quick to apprehend those who were linked to the underling that brought Ran your photo. The one thing that they were able to confirm was that the underling was not alone when he came across your photo. Whether or not it was too late to confirm how much information was leaked, no one knew. Ran needed to be on his toes around his mistress.

After about fifteen minutes, he straightened up and headed back to his office. "Baby, is everything ok?" She asked him and was about to stand up but he stuck his hand out and gestured for her to remain seated. “Who did you tell exactly and who knows that you've been staying at my place? We need to know to make sure that you and the baby will be safe.” Ran's words were laced with concern and had a hint of warmth in them. Maybe with enough sweetness she'll fess up about the incident at his apartment. “Please…” Oh how his honeyed tone of voice makes all the women fall. Even you at some point. At first she was hesitant about speaking, she didn’t want him to kill her friends and back ups. She fiddled with her hands and pouted as she remained silent and kept her head down. “Is there something you’re hiding from me?” His tone was a little cold and she immediately raised her head in a panic. The look on her face reflected nothing but fear. Maybe she said something more about the pregnancy, something that he has yet to find out. “You know the type of enemies we have. Do you want them to kill our baby?” He asked in a low tone.

She began to squirm in her seat and sniffle, bingo… It was her turn to talk. “Ran, I swear I didn’t mean it. I just didn’t want you to deny our baby!” He didn’t flinch, he knew he was right about her and the incident involving his home. “Explain. Now…” His mistress cracked like an egg and began to explain to him about her potential blackmailing. Yes, she found out about his trip to Wakkanai and why. Her jealousy took it too far and she didn’t want her place to be taken again. “I didn’t think that anyone would betray me like this! I was scared you’d leave me. You’d leave me for a woman who looks like (Y/N)...I know you would.” With every word she spewed, Ran was feeling his fingers twitch, how could she be this stupid? The consequences of jeopardizing a Bonten member are dire - death would have been dealt by his own hands. “I’m begging you, please - stay with me. I will do better. I won’t be able to replace her, I know that but please… give our baby a chance.” His mistress was holding her belly and on her knees at this point, begging him to stay with her. It made Ran sick.

He had no choice but to keep her close to him, though he could not overlook her destroying his home - he needed to pretend that he accepts her and the baby. “I’ll get us a new place to stay for now - you will need to remain there and do not leave that apartment no matter what. You painted a target on your back by announcing your pregnancy. You cannot trust anyone, do you understand?” Ran signed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Making the arrangements should have been simple but he had a lot to try and salvage from his home.

He cleared this decision with Kokonoi, no one else was to know of her location. By the end of the night, he had already sent his mistress to the new apartment and got some of her things settled there. She was foolish enough to surrender her two phones to Ran in place of a new one that only had Bonten’s contact information on it. She pretty much sent her friends to an early grave - they were being executed for the right and wrong reasons. She had no idea of what Ran was really accusing her of.

By the end of the next day, Ran had already cleared out his penthouse with the help of a cleanup crew and was still as blind as ever. He didn't notice his extra mobile device missing, either that or he figured that she destroyed it and it got tossed with the rest of his now useless belongings. The plan proceeded in full force, the hunt was on for all her contacts and Ran continued his act. Multiple calls were made to him about the incident at his apartment. Though the rest of the group was against shielding his mistress, they understood that it needed to be done until they eliminated all threats. “I understand, please - just don’t mention any of this to (Y/N).” Ran said over the phone as he stood in his empty penthouse. Memories of his past flooded his head… Seeing you dance across the kitchen as you cooked or when you cleaned, he wanted it back. Your sweet smile was all he used to look forward to when coming home. Now, he can't even look at you without feeling guilty about everything he's done. “I don't know how long you'll be able to keep her in the dark… But she will find out and when he does - you'll lose her.” Takeomi lectured Ran. Though he didn’t need to be reminded, he accepted Takeomi’s advice.

Several days later, Bonten had already rounded up more than half of the mistress's contacts that knew about her pregnancy. The pile of corpses only made them much more fearsome than the authorities could handle. Under the guise of 'for our baby' excuse, Ran tried to keep her disconnected from the world. He didn't allow her to call anyone, message anyone or even reach out to anyone on social media. All her phone activity was monitored and any attempt to reach out to anyone other than Ran was alerted to Bonten headquarters. His mistress was getting restless from staying in the one bedroom apartment that Ran rarely visited. When he did visit, it was only for an hour or two, it was the obligatory check-in. When he noticed her disappointment, he would bring her flowers or snacks to try and keep her as complacent as possible. His mind was so focused on her that he felt as if he was forgetting something.

“Ran, can we go out somewhere, please?” She pouted and wrapped her arms around him. Her belly was starting to get in the way of her pressing her whole body against him. “I don’t think it’s a good idea-” He began to respond but was cut off by her pouting even more and burying herself into his chest. “I feel like I’m going insane in this apartment.” Ran knew he had to keep her happy until the final contact was tracked down. With a heavy sigh, he agreed and let her decide where she wanted to go. She wanted something sweet and they decided to visit a crepe shop. That was the only thing she shared with you, your sweet tooth.

*back at Mikey’s*

“Angel, he thinks his mistress was the one who trashed his home. You’re kind of off the hook…” Mikey says and gives you a pat on the head as you remain seated on the couch. You smiled softly, but there was emptiness in your eyes. You wanted to go home already, you missed your cozy home, your cafe and the cool ocean air nipping at your cheeks in the morning. “Are you going to tell him that you know?” Mikey asked, snapping you out of your daze. You felt heat creep up your cheeks, you were angry, embarrassed and hurt. Overhearing about Ran hiding his mistress and giving her an apartment, you expected nothing and yet you were still disappointed with him. He hadn’t checked in with you since that day you left the office. Ran completely forgot about you, he didn't even bother using Mikey as a messenger between the two of you.

The days spent at Mikey’s you either slept on the couch or in his bed. Manjiro would come home and carry you to bed if you were asleep on the couch. He'd take any opportunity to get close to you without making it too obvious. However, your little loungewear had him palming himself at night or locking himself away in another room, quietly relieving his tension. It felt like old times again but he refused to do anything that could make you uncomfortable. Sometimes all you need is a single spark to set plans in motion. If all goes the way it’s supposed to, he might not have a chance to tell you how he really feels.

With a light kiss on your forehead, Mikey prepared to leave for the office and stood up. Kokonoi needed him to sign off on a few things and also review the ongoing situation with Ran. “Can I count on you to be here before midnight?” You ask and look up at him, your cute little doe eyes made Mikey almost lose his composure. How could an innocent gesture make his member throb and twitch? This angle looked rather lewd in his eyes. He felt his heart rate spike and his mouth was salivating. All he needed was to picture his cock in your mouth and - “Mikey?” You say his name and he comes back to reality. There was an intense look in his eyes. “Hmm? Yes?” He responds with a bit of shyness. “Is there something wrong?” Shaking his head no, he swipes his thumb on your lower lip and begins to head out the door. He left you dumbfounded and your heart skipped a beat. That look in his eyes was similar to that night, only this time you are sober to see through it and understand his hunger.

A few hours after his leave, you began to get restless and peckish. Mikey didn’t really have a lot of food at home and you haven’t left his place since - you had no choice but to step out. Easily, you can order takeout but with the cloud looming over your head, you wanted to see if a walk could make it go away. Taking precautions as always, you wore Mikey’s baggy clothes, a face mask and a hoodie. The hood was over your head and helped cover your eyes, making it harder for people to see your face. I know I promised to stay inside but I feel like I’m losing my mind. It’s just like the first time. You think to yourself and walk out the door. Taking the longest and most relaxing walk down the streets, your mind started to feel at ease. Stopping by a small crepe shop, you ordered a snack and made your way to a park that had a beautiful pond in the center. It was the Shibuya botanical garden, there was no better place to come and relax, especially by the pond. It’s not the ocean but it’s still a beautiful view. Very few people were here during the weekday, it made it so much easier to just take in the sights and light earthy scent.

The soft cool breeze had you inhaling deeply and exhaling in bliss. Your head almost felt fuzzy, it was serene and almost quiet. Closing your eyes, you lean back into the bench and just let go of your worries. Soon this would all be over, you could go home and go back to the life you left behind. You wanted nothing more than to sink your teeth into a sandwich and a hot cappuccino, your cafe’s pastries also crossed your mind and you felt homesick. Everything started to look rather clear, that is until - “Ran, look at this! It’s beautiful.” The familiar voice pierced your ears, you opened your eyes and sat up immediately. The voice was distant but close enough for you to hear, your eyes were darting around behind you and your heart began to pound inside your chest. You were praying that it was just your imagination. Soon the voice spoke again, “Look! It’s a family of ducks, they have a baby - just like we will soon.” Her tone was warm and full of love, she was happy. Turning to your left, you saw what you wished you didn’t. It was Ran and his pregnant mistress - they were at a distance but you recognized those purple strands anywhere. They were a few benches away from you.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach. His right arm was wrapped around her and his left hand was caressing her belly. The sweet smiles on their faces felt like a slap to the face. Their conversation carried on as if the world revolved around them and there was no one else there. Try as you might, you couldn’t hold back the tears that stung your eyes. You were preparing to leave him, yes but you never imagined seeing him with her. Not like this, not like a beautiful loving couple expecting their first child. The fire burning inside your chest only made it hurt even more, it felt like he took a knife and stabbed you with it. You overhear him say, “I’m sure our baby will be just as beautiful.” He says and cups her face, bringing her into a tender kiss, making her back face you. He looked genuinely content and his body language suggested he made his decision. He was going to keep his mistress and the baby at his side. When he pulled away, he said something - something that plunged the knife even further into your chest. I love you. You didn’t have to hear it to know, the way his lips mouthed those words…it was as clear as day.

Keeping your hood on, you removed the face mask so that your face could be seen. You wanted him to notice you. Standing up to walk in his direction, you looked straight at him and waited for your eyes to connect. Too lost in his own little charade, he didn’t notice you until it was too late, when he looked up - he froze. You just passed them and continued walking, the look in your eyes made him feel fear for the first time in his life. It was intense and it looked like everything was happening in slow motion. He felt a lump in his throat and his pulse quickened. He looked visibly distraught. “Ran? What’s wrong?” His mistress said and cupped his cheek. He felt his world tip on its axis and he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. There was no mending the threads that unraveled.

His next move made your blood boil even more, he snatched your wrist and yanked it towards him. “Baby, wait!” His mistress was caught off guard with his actions, who the fuck was he calling baby? When she leaned to the side to see who he was talking to, her expression dropped - it’s as if she saw a ghost. “Y-you… you’re alive?” She stuttered and held her belly in a protective manner. Your eyes never left Ran, the fire in them was smoldering him and he had nowhere to hide from it. “T-This isn’t what you think!” The loud sound of a smack made his mistress flinch. “Fuck you Haitani…” You spat and pulled away from him. Twice he’s felt the sting of your hand and it never got any easier. “He’s all yours…congratulations.” You say coldly and turn to leave. Behind you, you could hear him taking a step forward only to stop when his mistress screams his name.

He was caught between a rock and a hard place. If he leaves now, she will not hesitate to make calls or scream out for help and draw attention. Bonten was also on the line. If he stays, he loses you forever. The pain in his chest only made it harder as you continued to walk away. He never thought…well that’s the thing - he never thinks. He didn’t think he was going to get caught, not after being so close to rounding up all his mistresses contacts. He would have gotten rid of her and had you in his arms. A Haitani always gets what he wants but this time the gods put a stop to their reign of ignorance. Clenching his fists, he turns his back on you. He made the hardest choice in his life, a choice that severed your ties for good.

Immediately heading back to Mikey’s place, you packed up what you could and booked the first flight back home to Wakkanai. There were no second thoughts and you couldn’t take it anymore. You didn’t know if it was heartbreak or disappointment. You thanked the undergods that you were able to book the last flight of the day. The flight leaves in 5 hours, it was enough time to make it to the airport and through check out. You could feel your hands shaking as you made your way out the door and into a cab, the driver looked rather concerned. “Are you alright?” His soft tone made you bite back tears. “Oh, yes. It just feels bittersweet to go home.” You say and smile, trying to hide the maelstrom of emotions bubbling inside you. The ride carried on in silence. Looking out the window, you could only see those images flash in your mind. His arms around her and caressing her belly, you felt nauseous and disgusted with yourself. He made ‘love’ to you - he said he wanted a family with you when he already had started a family with another woman. Your head kept pounding and pounding, trying to massage your temples didn’t help - it felt like your skull was about to crack. “I know I’m not supposed to do this but, here. Please take this.” The driver says and hands you a small paper pouch. It was migraine medicine, the strong stuff too - this man was an angel. Taking the medication from between the slit in the divider - you thanked him and swallowed the pills.

Once at the airport - you thanked him, paid and left him a hefty tip. What he said next made you pause, “Whatever you’re going through, I wish you the best. Just know you’re not alone.” It made you think about the one person who never failed you. Manjiro. You smiled and thanked him once more before walking away.

At the counter, you present your ticket and finish the check in process. The moment you passed through airport security, you felt your phone vibrate - it was an unknown number. Ignoring it, you put your phone on airplane mode and sit in the waiting area until it’s time to board. Life really had it out for you, there were a few pregnant women or families with kids. Could it be any more obvious that life with a family would be impossible for you? After this, you didn’t want to open your heart again nor fall in love again. The taste of freedom was bitter.

Nothing echoed louder than the announcer calling out boarding numbers. It spooked you and made you jump, you were so lost in thought, that you weren’t really paying attention to your surroundings as much. You had to drown out the moms, the kids, the infants… it all made your skin crawl. Taking your place, you were grateful that you were placed all the way in the back and away from everyone. It wasn’t a full flight so your row was empty. When all lights dimmed, you laid your head back and felt your ears pop. The attendants would ask you every now and then if you needed anything as you looked dazed and your eyes were glossy. You would smile and respond softly, “Yes, I’m alright - it’s just an emotional homecoming.” It was a half truth but one that allowed you to keep the attendants from prying too much.

The two hour flight felt like an eternity. While the plane was in taxi, you removed your phone from airplane mode - it stayed quiet for a total of 45 seconds before it kept buzzing non stop. The slew notifications wouldn’t stop, you were getting messages from Mikey and unknown numbers. You didn’t have the heart to open any of the messages, not at least until you got home - breaking down in public was not something you wanted. The cab ride was quick and quiet, the people on this side of the island kept to themselves. Stepping foot inside your home, you threw yourself on the couch and broke down. At this point, you didn’t know what you were crying for anymore. Was it over Ran, was it out of frustration, self pity or just everything all together? It felt like you had no more tears left after a good thirty minutes of crying. You were screaming into the couch pillows and clutching your chest. Nothing you did made sense anymore. Should you have gone to Bonten headquarters to tell Mikey? Should you have just stayed at his place until he came back and then asked for permission to leave? Would Ran have kept you waiting until it was too late? All the questions swirled inside your head and you felt like you were drowning. Your body was having a full blown panic attack when you looked at the messages from Mikey. Words could not describe his responses. His messages were as follows:

Thursday at 1236. From Manjiro: Did you book a flight back home?! The credit card pinged a large transaction with an airline. End.

Thursday at 1246. From Manjiro: Where the hell are you? End. Thursday at 1301. From Manjiro: (Y/N), I’m begging you - pick up the damn phone. End. Thursday at 1305. From Manjiro: Angel, you need to tell me what’s going on. Please. End. Thursday at 1341. From Manjiro: I told you not to leave the house for a reason. Ran just came into the office with his pathetic heart in his hands. End. Thursday at 1403. From Manjiro: You should have come to me first… End. Thursday at 1459. From Manjiro: I know by the time you open these messages - you will probably already be home. Please, just call me when you can so that I know you’re alright. End.

Laying on that couch staring at the ceiling after your breakdown, your body felt numb. Your vision was coming in and out of focus, your hearing would fade in and out and your limbs felt like lead. Something inside you was screaming that you betrayed Manjiro. He trusted you and yet you didn’t even bother trying to confide in him. Everything was twisted and distorted in your eyes. Before you could even fade into the abyss, you heard your phone ping one more time. It was the unknown number and you didn’t even bother to open the messages - not until you looked closer at the phone number did you realize it was Ran’s phone number. The abyss swallowed you whole and you passed out on the couch - dropping the phone on the floor and could hear nothing more than your heart slowly beating.

Morning came and the slivers of sunlight slowly crawled their way through your blinds. The sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks at a distance was like a lullaby that you couldn’t help but welcome. No more cars zooming and honking, no sirens and no people. Tokyo couldn’t compare to your little treasure cove. However, the realization of having to abandon this home came crashing down on you. Now that Ran knows where you are - what’s stopping him from coming here again? Hoping into the shower, you washed up and let the hot water cleanse your skin - almost burning away Ran’s touch. When the burn became too much, you stepped out and wrapped yourself in a towel - still dazed and confused. You didn’t know what you were doing anymore. Could you even afford to start over without Manjiro’s help?

Walking into your bedroom, you stripped your bed of the sullied bedsheets. Ran’s cologne lingered in the sheets - fuck he stained anything he touched. When your bed had fresh sheets, you threw yourself face first into the mattress - his scent was gone. Reaching for your phone, you scroll to find Mikey’s name in your contacts and hesitate to call him. You were afraid of what he might say. You shut your eyes and tapped the call button and waited for him to answer. The lump in your throat was making it hard to swallow and you felt your hands tremble. It didn’t even take one ring before he picked up your call. “Angel?” His voice was as sweet as honey and you couldn’t help but feel tears prick your eyes. “Manjiro…I’m so sorry.” You sniffle and repeat your apology. “I’m sorry, I just-” He cut you off and spoke while keeping a sweet tone. “Can you explain everything to me after you open the door?” Huh? Your mind short circuited for a moment. “W-What?” You stutter your response and sit up. “I said open the door, (Y/N).” He chuckles and knocks on the door. The knock echoed in your ears and you ran to the door, swinging it open rather violently in disbelief.

Standing on the other side was Manjiro. His soft smile made your knees weak and you dropped down, still in disbelief that he was standing here. You waited for three years for him to come see you and now he’s here. Though the circumstances could be better - he was here for you. Picking you up off the floor, he pulled you in and closed the door behind him. Burying your face into his chest, you sob and clutch his jacket. Between sobs you spoke, “Tell me this isn’t a dream…you’re here.” It felt too good to be true. When he pulled away to cup your face, you could see the pain in his eyes. “You left without saying anything…” He leaned in and brushed his lips against yours. His breath fanned your lips and he dove straight into them when you hiccuped. You began to walk backwards, guiding him towards your bedroom, there was fear inside you. You wanted to make sure that he was as far away from the door as possible, you were scared he’d leave.

He made Ran’s bitter taste go away. Plush lips continued to kiss you and ease your mind. He wasn’t upset nor reprimanding you. “Manjiro, I'm so sorry.” You cry and wipe the tears from your eyes. Admitting that you were out of line was hard, you were so angry that you couldn't see past his concern. In a way he felt that you might take his visit the wrong way and say that he was taking advantage of your damaged state. But you weren’t just damaged goods, you were human, a woman that deserved the world and more. If Ran couldn’t be man enough to tell you the truth about the pregnancy and ended up hurting you more than what he already has - maybe you would close your heart and no longer let anyone in. Mikey decided to risk it at all and depart Tokyo - he didn’t care how it looked to anyone else. Sanzu already knew, there was no hiding it from him anymore. Not when Manjiro asked Kokonoi to find him the next flight to Wakkanai. He gave no explanation when asked why he’s giving chase to someone who was meant to be already dead. However, he did tear Ran a new one before he left.

You spoke and blurted out all the things that were ringing inside your head. “I flinched…I fucking flinched and he enjoyed every second seeing me squirm.” He let you continue your rant. “You must think I’m pathetic for allowing myself to falter not once, not twice but thrice.” He understood your position and also the risk you were taking when he gave the order to come back to Tokyo. However, he miscalculated Ran’s fuck up. The pregnancy threw everyone for a loop. “Leaving him was the best thing you could have done.” He tries to reassure you. No, Ran left you for a second time. He let you go, all you did was sit and wait patiently for him. “He’s a fool, even I could have told you that.” Mikey’s words rang true. He felt your body tense up and hiccup, you were crying.

On the island, you thought things would have been different, that Ran would have changed - he was desperate enough to come find you. You thought it was out of love, but it wasn’t. He was only trying to convince you to love him again so that he could get even with you. His ego was bruised and he wanted nothing more than to put you in your place. You thought maybe, just maybe, that Ran would have at least lived a better life after your so-called death. Perhaps it would be a wake up call or something. Mikey gave you an update not long after you left for Wakkanai - Ran was distraught and hurting. Your death affected him more than you thought. All updates about Ran stopped after you begged Mikey not to talk about him anymore. Things just never worked in your favor. Stumbling upon his other women, the pregnancy and now his intimate moment with his mistress - you felt disgusting, you felt used and dirty.

Looking up at him you realized that Manjiro gave you everything you ever wanted - love, affection, loyalty, sincerity and a sense of security. Not once has he ever given you a reason to distrust him or doubt your feelings for him. Even now, knowing that Ran claimed your body, he hasn’t left your side and hasn’t blamed you for being human.

An overwhelming sense of longing and desire took over, making you guide Mikey to the edge of the bed, pushing him into it and straddling his lap. “A-angel…what are you-” He stuttered and couldn’t even finish asking his question when you cut him off by kissing him. Your tongue darted into his mouth and dominated him. He tried to get you to stop so that he could catch his breath, but you were making his mind go blank. It's as if you latched on to him for dear life and didn't want to let go. When he managed to get some space in between the two of you, you felt pain. Plaguing your very thoughts were images of Ran with other women, the woman who was expecting his child, the very moment he made love to you on Wakkanai… It burned. You wanted to get rid of Ran's touch and his memory, and there was only one way how. “...help me.” You whisper into his lips, breath shaky and heart pounding - your plea broke his heart. You were so desperate, you'd even sell your soul to the devil himself to get rid of Ran's memory.

How could he deny your cry for help? Without hesitation, he rolled you over and devoured your neck - giving you open mouth kisses, bites and hickeys. No one else mattered at this point in time. If this is what you wanted then he will give it to you. Mikey sat up and looked into your eyes, the light was fading and he couldn't have that. “I’ll take care of you… I’ll love you and give you anything and everything…” He spoke with a bit of worry on his tongue. Your response would either make or break him, it was a confession. Taking in a deep breath and placing your hands over your heart you exhale slowly. “You’re the only one who can fix my heart, Manjiro.” Your words not only gave him the green light, but they also meant that you were giving yourself to him.

Mikey removed your towel and drank in your nude figure, he ran his calloused hands on your chest relishing in the softness of your skin. Your body was heaven to him, you were beautiful and seeing you so vulnerable - he knew you needed him. His hands roughly rolled your nipple between his fingers, it made you mewl and screw your eyes shut. Your moans made his member throb uncontrollably, three years of waiting - it was too much. Dipping down to place his mouth on your nipple, he trailed his hand lower to your honeypot and into your wet folds. The warmth had him on cloud 9. Sucking and biting your nipple, he roughly massaged your clit and played with the slick that was pooling. Without warning, he thrusted two fingers in your core and made your back arch like a cat. His thick fingers were stretching you out and hitting that spongy spot that had you drooling like a whore in heat.

“Mhn…Manjiro-fuck fuck!” You moan loudly and grip the back of his head. The silver stands were now tangled between your fingers, he enjoyed having you at his mercy. As your hips rolled into his touch, you felt him bite your nipple, the pain made your mind focus only on him. Your moans echoed in the bedroom and you could have sworn that the neighbors could hear you. The way your walls kept clenching around his digits, it only made him bite harder. Your plea to erase Ran from your skin, Manjiro took it literally. Soon, your chest was riddled in bitemarks. Withdrawing his fingers from your messy hole he turned you over on your stomach - leaning in, he slowly slid himself inside you. As he did, he bit down on your shoulder. The sensation made you moan into the pillows and clench the bed sheets. To feel you again, to have you beneath him, Mikey thought that he was about to blow his load when he bottomed out.

“Ngh… I’ve missed you so much, angel-oh fuck…” He moans into your shoulder. His shaky breaths and tremble of his lips against your skin had you mesmerized and drowning in a maelstrom of emotions. With his hands on your hips, he raised them higher so that he could get a deeper angle and hit that sweet spot. His hips thrusted slow and deep, he was giving you every ounce of love that you deserved. To feel how passionate he was with you, there was no doubt in your mind that he truly loved and cared for you. More and more you felt your mind at peace, leaving Tokyo was the right thing to do.

Mikey’s nails were digging into your hips and his feral grunts sounded like a sweet symphony to your ears. Heaven was knocking on your door the moment he thrusted his his cock into your fluttering walls. “Three years… Ngh-three fucking years… ahn…” He was almost whimpering as he spoke. “I've waited and waited-Mmm…” His thrusts were getting rougher and the pressure on your hips had you biting the pillow. Mikey's breath catches in throat as he feels you clench around his length. No one could hold a candle to you, you were everything and Ran gave it all up. “Manjiro!” You yell and moan into the pillow as he keeps hitting your sweet spots over and over again. “Y-you… Oh fuck…fuck…” He tries but he can't even form a sentence without stuttering or even cursing. This was beyond desire, this was love and devotion. His right hand searched for yours, lacing his fingers with yours and resting his forehead against your shoulder. This intimate moment meant more to Mikey than anything else in the world.

The bed continued to creek non stop with each thrust that Mikey gave you. Your left hand was gripping the headboard, trying to keep it from slamming too hard into the wall and also to help brace yourself. His hips stuttered and he slowed his pace when he felt infinity beginning to claw its way out. When he pulled out, you felt your body shudder - his warmth made you feel alive and now it’s gone. Whimpering, you turn back to look at him and he’s panting. His lips are parted and his silver tresses are a mess, that endless void in his eyes began to show a glimmer of light. Sitting up on his knees Mikey rolled you over onto your back, raised your hips and lifted your leg over his shoulder. He slid his length between your folds teasingly and his hand traced circles on your bundle of nerves. Your body trembled when he put more pressure on your clit, that same hand pushed his cock through your entrance and made you raise your hips even more. Manjiro didn’t even need to tell you what to do next, you moved your hips closer - letting him sink in and gain more friction against your clit. He smirked. “Good girl…you want to cum, yeah?” You nodded and whimpered a yes. He controlled your hip movement and leaned back a little, causing you to lose friction on the part you wanted it the most.

“M-Mikey…” You mewled and tried to sit up but his hand pressed you down into the mattress. He chuckled when you pouted. The look on your face was desperate, he enjoyed it - you were desperate for him, no one else but him. He tortured you just a little more before rolling over and placing you on top of him. The angle was beautiful, seeing you on top of him had his heart feeling full. “Make me cum too, (Y/N)...” Ohh that tone, it made your pulse race and your walls fluttered. Placing your trembling hands against his chest you began to bounce up and down his length at a slow pace. You could feel your thighs shake as he suddenly thrust upward as you came down, making you moan loudly - he was blurring your vision. Quickening your pace, you threw your head back and dragged his length through your velvet walls. Sounds of slick, moans and skin slapping echoed in that room - if you could make an NSFW ASMR video, this would be it. It all sounded so lewd and perfect. Feeling every vein, every throb and every twitch of his cock dragging inside you, you repeated his name over and over again.

Just when you thought you were going to float off into the abyss, Mikey reached for you - his hand was placed behind your neck and he pulled you in for a sloppy kiss. You paused for just a few seconds to try and catch your breath. He snatched the air out of your lungs when he dug his fingers into your hips and warned you. “I didn’t say stop…” Cupping his face, you lean into him and arch your back, the curved angle had his cock hitting that spongy spot with ease. His stomach was flexing with each move, Mikey was getting close - his raspy grunts were a clear indicator. Breathing him in you felt a high like you’ve never felt before. All you could think about was him. He made your mind go blank and pushed every other thought out of your head. Who were you crying about earlier? Whose lavender orbs were lingering in your thoughts? You couldn’t remember anymore.

Mikey held your body close, your clit was receiving so much friction that your thighs were starting to shake, “F-fuck…oh fuck…” You moan and close your eyes, floating off into the clouds as your orgasm crashes into you. The sensation had you going faster, to the point where he had to hold your hip in place or his cum would drip out. “Ahn, (Y/N)...” He moans and braces for his second - yes…his second orgasm. You were so caught up in Mikey’s scent and voice that you didn’t hear him say he was cumming the first time. It was already too late, your sheets were a complete mess by the time you both stopped moving. A mix of your juices and his thick cum stained the sheets. You were both left breathless and in a daze, this moment felt the closest to heaven than anything in the world.

These feelings were finally set free, he was the person who you wanted to be with, he was the person that made everything right and kept your heart at ease. Resting your head on his shoulder, you feel his heartbeat against yours. It sounded like a lullaby - one that you wouldn’t mind listening to for the rest of your life. This blissful moment came to an end when the sound of Manjiro’s going off made you both flinch. When he tried to move, you pinned him down and tears were beginning to prick your eyes again. You wanted him to just let it ring so that you could savor this just a little longer. Panting and coming down from your high, you leaned in to crash your lips on his, kissing him and devouring him. “...stay.” You cry between each kiss. “Don’t leave…” For three years you waited for him to walk through that door and now that he’s here, you don’t want him to leave. You had absurd hopes, you are asking the head of Bonten to drop everything for you. Rolling you over so that you both were on your sides, he wrapped his arms around you and exhaled. His gesture told you everything you needed to know, he was leaving the next day - he only came here to see you one last time.

“I know I can’t ask you to come back to Tokyo and I can’t ask you to wait for me…” He spoke and nuzzled his face against yours. Closing your eyes, you braced yourself - what was he going to say next?

*2 years later*

The sensation of someone touching your face woke you up from your nap. Dazed and confused, you open your eyes and see the culprit. Blonde tresses and dark eyes, yet their smile felt like the sun. Chubby little fingers were now poking your face and their face was now in your face. “M-ma…” Your one year old son babbles and smiles at you. “Akio…shouldn’t you be napping?” You say to your child as if he could understand you. Sitting up, you check the time and smile when you open the message notification. Picking up your kiddo, you get ready with them - shower and change. Going about your day, you caught up with errands and came home. It was already late afternoon, possibly around 17:30. In the kitchen you prepare to eat and feed the baby, midway into feeding and you hear the front door open. The sound of someone dropping luggage and footsteps coming closer makes your heart skip a beat, and finally… “Angel…I’m home.” The sound of Mikey’s voice echoed, you were just about to respond but baby Akio decided to respond for you by babbling loudly. He recognized the sound of his father’s voice.

When Mikey walks into the kitchen his eyes soften, seeing the beautiful sight in front of him makes his heart melt. You were sitting with the baby on your lap and when your eyes met his - he came closer to plant a kiss on your lips. You feel the baby being lifted from your lap, Manjiro picks him up and embraces his son - that child is all Manjiro, hardly even looks like you. His first born, his pride and joy that he only gets to visit once every two months. “You better not be keeping your mom up at night kiddo, I’ll kick your little ass if you are.” He whispers loud enough for you to hear him. “Manjiro!” You say and laugh.

Manjiro’s proposal was to relocate to Okinawa as there were more available flights and you’d still be able to start a new life. That night he came to visit you in Wakkanai - he stayed only for a day but planned your futures together. No, he couldn’t leave Boten and is still head of the organization but gets about 2 weeks of leave every two months. He promised you the world and he gave it to you. Well, the baby was a surprise but still - they were your world. The others kept their same duties and their distance. There was only one other person who checked in with you and that was Sanzu - he couldn’t help but be elated that he was an uncle. Not to mention that it’s his King’s heir…

The bitter feelings with Ran settled, you no longer held any resentment for him. If anything you felt sympathy, it turned out that his mistress’s child wasn’t his. He went through all that only to find out that it’s another man’s child. The truth came to light 8 months after the child was born. The underlings began to point out the difference in appearance when the baby got a little older. It looked nothing like Ran or even Rindou. Once the paternity test was done and the results confirmed their suspicion - you can say that he had lost his shit and threw them out, baby and all. He was trying his best to be a better person, to do right at least by you - he knew you’d never forgive him for forsaking his blood. Karma had other plans for him. Now he’s much more careful with who he sleeps with. When the rest of Bonten found out about your relationship with Mikey, it broke him. He couldn’t wrap his head around the thought of you being with someone else, even if that person was his boss. He begged to see you, but was only given a single phone call. He broke down and bursted into tears, apologizing to you and he let everything out. From the beginning of your relationship to the bitter end - it was a weight that was lifted off his shoulders. This call put out the fires in each other’s hearts. No, you didn’t forgive him but you both came to terms with everything that happened. Now you were just strangers to each other, nothing more and nothing less.

Throughout the evening, Manjiro spent time with his son - allowing you to also catch a break from being a mom. Preparing your son for bedtime, Mikey takes him to his room and you can hear Akio coo at Mikey. “P-pa…papapa” Fifteen minutes roll by as you wait in the living room for Mikey to come back. Laying back, you see him tiptoe back, he looks a little worn out - putting a baby to sleep is hard. Collapsing into your chest, he groans and wraps himself around you. “You ok daddy?” You ask playfully and stroke his hair. Nodding and burying himself deeper into your chest, he hums and says yes. “Everyday Akio looks more and more like you. Are you sure he’s my baby? It’s like you gave birth to him or cloned yourself.” You chuckle and continue to stroke his hair. Mikey sits up quickly and stares into your eyes with a serious look. Perhaps this was not the right thing to say knowing what happened to Ran. He leans slowly, you were a little worried until he placed a tender kiss on your lips. “Yeah? Wanna try again?” He says and wiggles his eyebrows up and down, the mischievous smirk on his face hints at making another baby. ❤️

END

TAGS: @rinrinfoxy @mor-pheus @no-signal @namelessnikki2 @gabi-moureira @spookys-s @slvtmeow @jinii-desu @mmmaaannnsssiii @3xchooo @kokotakeomi @no-name-jack @barriesandcrem @reidsmexyconverse @waterfallsdown @1980losersliveinme @gabytodd @simp4ren @fffsksixj @whatsonthemirror @jcrml @reiners-milkbiddies @unr-u-1y @bakugosgf2005 @whoisneth @bluephoenix908 @asmosslut @laurenzitaa @uniqueeggtoast @arlertsbaby @ilivefortheleague @mytaiyakeylover @niko-ash @anxious-chick

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girl8890 · 2 years

Text

Project Partners | CH 5

Pairing: Loner!Jungkook x Popular!Reader

Summary: Jungkook has always been a loner. Only having one friend that barely even lets him get a word out. College should be flying by with the type of life he’s living. But every time he sees one girl, in particular, it seems like time slows down. Now that a group project has been assigned, and no one is allowed to pick their partners. What will Jungkook do now that he has to work closely with the girl he’s madly in love with for the next three months?

Warnings: anxiety, class project (ew), first kiss, first hand job, first blow job (for five seconds), cumming in readers mouth, lots of pining, suggestive flirting, just in case you forgot: jk loves reader hard

A/n: hey… um… I know it’s been like a year since I updated this story, and I originally said this story was discontinued, but after reading over this story again I’ve decided to bring it back! Yay! Last year I went through a really bad funk, and stopped writing a lot of projects I was in love with, including this one. I also got a hate comment about this story before it even came out, so that didn’t help my mental health or keep me inspired about writing… BUT I’m okay now, and have been so inspired to write lately. I hope you enjoy this part even though it’s very late! 💜

BTS ML | Index | CH 6

。・°°・°°・。。・°°・°°・。。・°°・°°・。

Jungkook didn’t know what to wear. What do you wear to meet up with the girl you’re madly in love with, anyway? He met up with you once, he should be able to meet up with you again just fine!

But this was somehow different. You asked him to go to your room after flirting with him! Both of you… alone, again… in your room! You said it was for the project, but Jungkook’s fuzzy brain is saying it’s not just for the project. What if you want to-

He shakes his head, not allowing stupid horny thoughts to cloud his mind right now. Other then you finding him intriguing - whatever the fuck that means - he doesn’t understand how this is happening to him. For one, Jungkook is not intriguing. Other then his smarts in the arts, he’s got nothing. The only good thing about his life was when he snuck glances at you.

Not in a creepy way. More like a, you don’t know he’s staring and you’re just so beautiful he can’t not look at you, way. Okay… maybe a creepy way, but give him a break! He’s in love. In love with the popular, beautiful, sweet, Y/n L/n.

Huhhh… he’s going to suck at this.

Jungkook holds the shirt he picked up from his bed about five times now, and threw it at the bed again. Looking down at the pile of clothing on his bed, he huffs out a breathe, frustrated with himself. If he can’t even pick out an outfit, then how is he going to get through a date with you?!

He decided once he got back from the little coffee meet up you two had, that he was going to change his outfit. The tight blue tank top and short shorts you were wearing did not pair well with his overly baggy red gamer shirt and black sweatpants. A stupid thing for him to wear out in the first place!

Yup! He’s hopeless. Jungkook spins around, and falls back on his bed onto the pile of clothing. He presses the balls of his hands onto his closed eyes, wanting to cry about how overwhelming this all is.

Just when Jungkook is about to chicken out, texting you that he can’t meet with you today because he suddenly became sick only a few hours after seeing and being just fine, Ryan barges through the door. He looks at his helpless friend, then rolls his eyes.

“Seriously! This again, dude! How many times are you going to get depressed about meeting with her? I thought love made sunny days every day or some bullshit thing like that.”

Jungkook takes his hands off of his face, and instead uses them to support his weight as he sits up in the bed.

“I don’t know what to wear!” Jungkook shouts, ignoring everything his friend and roommate just said to him.

“Ugh!” Ryan complains as he jumps onto the bed, not wanting to deal with his shy bean of a friend. “Dude, just wear black.”

Jungkook raises a confused eyebrow at him. He asks in a small voice, “Black?”

“Yes, black. Girls dig a guy in black. Don’t understand it myself, but something about a guy looking like he’s secretly a vampire is hot to girls.”

Jungkook blinks at few times at Ryan, then stands up from his bed to turn and look at his clothing again. He digs around the clothing pile, and finds a few black things he hasn’t worn in while. Although black is his favorite color, last time he went through a faze of just wearing black the school called him into the office to ask if he was suicidal.

Yeah… that went as well as you think.

After putting the clothing on and adjusting himself in the mirror, he turns around to see Ryan is already staring at him. Pushing that aside, he gestures to his outfit. “Well!”

It’s a plain black shirt paired with a black leather jacket on top that has three colorful buttons on the chest pocket. He’s also sporting a pair of black jeans, and black boots. Basically, Jungkook is putting all the goths in this school to shame with his look… and Ryan likes it.

Ryan coughs into his fist, shuffles in his seat because he’s not used to his friend actually looking attractive. Sure, Jungkook has a hot face, but the way he presents himself and the overly baggy clothing he usually wears doesn’t let the world see how good looking he truly is.

“Ugh… you look good, I guess? Is that normal to say to a friend?” Jungkook rolls his eyes at Ryan, not caring for his weirdness at the moment.

He looks back at himself in the mirrors, trying and failing not to clutch at the ends of his jacket cuffs. He’s nervous beyond belief to meet with you. Jungkook’s honestly believe he always will be, but again: this is only for the project.

The amount of times he told himself made it less believable every time. Your conversation from the coffee meet up still swirling around in his head, and the amount of times he almost told you his feelings to your face not failing to dawn on him.

How can someone be so nervous, but at the same time comfortably with someone at the same time? It makes no sense, but yet that’s how Jungkook has been with you lately. He just needs to pull that comfortability to the forefront of his brain right now. That’s how he truly thinks this will go well.

That’s why after a few more looks into the mirror, and combing his hair to the side so it’s parted to own side for the second time, he grabs onto his cell phone, and project supplies and then leaves the room.

Keeping his head up high as he leaves his dorm to head to yours.

———

Jungkook gets to your dorm door, and guess what happens? Not him knocking on the door, that’s for sure!

He went to knock, then stopped himself. A minute later he went to knock again, then stopped again. Feeling like a bigger idiot each time he stops his hand from rapping on the only piece of wood that’s separating himself from you. Just when he’s about to knock on the door again, his phone dings in his pocket.

He cringes at the loud bird chirp that comes from his phone, praying you didn’t hear it through the door since his volume was on the highest setting it could be. But since the universe fucking hates him, you did hear it.

“Jungkook, is that you?” You just texted him no more then five seconds ago wondering if he was on his way, then heard a phone ding from the other side of your door. You open the door, and see a highly embarrassed Jungkook standing there, phone in hand now.

“Ugh… Hi, Y/n! Just got your text!” He waves his phone, showing your name and last text light up on the screen. You try your very hardest not to crack a smile at how adorable he is.

“We’re you just standing out here, or did you just arrive?” You ask with a knowing and joking smirk on your face.

Jungkook’s eyes widen, realizing he may have just gotten caught at being the most weirdest person in the universe for not knocking on your door when he first arrived. “N-no! I just got here, seriously.”

Yeah, the seriously does nothing for him. Lucky for Jungkook, though, you find everything about him adorable. Even when he is to shy to answer the door. You’re not sure when it happened, maybe the first day you worked on the project and he offered you his shoulder to cry on, but you kinda have a little crush on the loner of your school.

It’s just then when you were about to gesture for him to come in, that you take in his outfit. You’ll be the first to admit that you love a guy in all black especially if that outfit actually has style to it. Jungkook is wearing everything your brain would usually pounce on in movies. Making you and your friend drool at the character, but right now Jungkook is that character come to life.

Jungkook realizes you’re just now noticing his outfit, and because he’s him and thinks you somehow find it bad, he falsely explains, “I-I thought I would try something… new?”

You look back up at Jungkook, completing your fill of his outfit for the moment, and smirk. Tonight, is going to be so fun!

“You’re really hot, Kookie.”

His eyes widen at your sudden compliment, and he feels the tips of his ears redden from the way your eyes roam his body one more time. He never, ever thought he would live to see the day that you - out of all fricken people - thought he was hot. No one finds him hot. Not even himself!

Jungkook’s jaw is slack, and he doesn’t know what to say since your words are playing on repeat in his head. You giggle at his reaction, feeling your own blush start to come on, but you breathe through it. You then gesture inside you room, move to the side a little, and say to him, “Come on in.”

———

Five minutes. Jungkook had five minutes of actually working on this project with you before his mind went to woozy town.

You were wearing the same outfit as before, so once you got comfortable on the floor, changing positions and making your breasts squish onto the paper you were both working on, his eyes zeroed in on them. Every time he had the strength to look away, a pencil or something would roll towards you and he was forced to look back at them. To look back at you, and all your sexy glory.

You’re distracted with the project right now, so would it be really bad just to look for a few seconds? No, Jungkook, that’s not right. But… you’re just so beautiful… it will only be a peak. Jungkook swallows down the lump in his throat, and he feels his eyes twitch as he looks back at you, his conscious of how this isn’t a good idea fading into the background as he takes you in.

You’re in full concentration of the project right now, holding a yellow pencil between your teeth as you think. Your lips have always captivated Jungkook, to the point he would stay up at night thinking about how soft that would feel against his own. He let his eyes roam a little lower, to your neck that has the smallest smudge of blue paint on it. He wonders how that blue paint got there, from you pairing in class or do you have a secret painting in your room somewhere?

The slim part of your neck extends as you turn your head to the side to look at the project with a better angle, and he wonders if you would do the same if he kisses you there. If your skin was slaty like most fan fictions describe, or as sweet as your personality. His tongue rolls in his mouth, wanting to jut out and lick you, just thinking about your taste.

Then his eyes get back to what made him admire you in this moment again. Your two breasts being squished on top of the drawing paper the both of you are using for the project. He feels a ting of jealousy for the piece of paper.

You look up from your drawing when Jungkook doesn’t answer your question that involved the project. You realize very quickly that your question fell of deaf ears, and that something was distracting Jungkook. Two things, to be specific.

You raise a pointed eyebrow at him, and feel heat hit your face. You’ve been admired like this before, you just didn’t expect mr nervous to do the same. You snap your fingers in front of his face, making him have to shake his head out of his horny trance. Jungkook’s eyes are blown out wide, and his face becomes redder then a tomato when he realizes you just got caught him staring at your body.

Jungkook sits up suddenly, making all the pencils around him fly in different directions by his fast movements. He backs up to the end of the side of your bed, and feels like his heart is about to give out. He can’t believe what he just did. He can’t believe what he just got caught doing. He’s never been this reckless around you, but now you’ve caught him in the act.

“I-I-I’m so sorry, Y/n. I - Jesus, I…” Jungkook doesn’t know what to say. But, he also doesn’t know why you’re not yelling at him to get out of your room. To leave your room and never speak to him again because you don’t want to be near someone as perverted as him.

The bubble of anxiety that hasn’t been around since this morning is starting to fizzle across his skin. His hands shaking, and the sweater paws he creates that usually calm him are not helping. He’s looking all around your room, frantic to find a point in your room to look at and calm his rapid beating heart.

Before his anxiety takes over completely, leaving him in a even more embarrassing predicament when he will barely be able to stand when you kick him out of your room, he hears your sweet little giggle fill his ears. He finally looks over at you, seeing you hold your hand over your mouth as you try to calm your laughter.

Jungkook doesn’t understand why your laughing. How is this funny at all? The guy your supposed to be working on a project with, and maybe even close enough to say your friend, was just ogling at your boobs!

“Kookie, it’s okay. Stop freaking out.”

His eyes continue to stay wide, and he feels one of them twitch. “I-it’s okay?”

You nod your head, plastering another smirk on your face while you look at Jungkook calm down from his little freak out. You point a pink manicured finger at Jungkook, “You, my friend, are to cute!”

He hears you giggle again, and then you start to crawl over to Jungkook, and through his anxiety filled brain for a smidgen of a second he compares this moment to one of his nightly imaginations. Imaginations that are always filled with you, and his face in a pillow while he moans into it.

His face gets redder at the thought alone, and he clenches his jaw to stop the thought in its tracks. Once your right in front of Jungkook, you sit up on your knees, making you look taller then him because he’s in such a cuddled up position. Your smirk deflates when you see he’s still shaking, and instead you show him one of your sweet smiles, trying to calm his nerves you even say, “I’m not mad, Kookie.”

Jungkook breathes out a sigh of relief, but that’s doesn’t answer his question of why you suddenly decided to crawl so closely to him or why your not mad, even. He drags his legs up to his chest, cuddling them to his chest with his arms as he tries to be even smaller then he was before.

“Your not?” You shake your head, and he nods his head - anxiety fading away. “T-that’s good, but… um… y/-“

With a singular hand placed on his knee, Jungkook cuts himself off. Anything he was planning to say was wiped clean from his mind once your hand touches him. The heat radiating off your skin and somehow making his entire body shake with it. Jungkook untightens himself, letting go of his legs, but not removing them from his chest.

You’ve touched him before - his hand mostly - but the place your hand is touching now is so intimate. Especially when you rub the bone of his knee with your thumb through his jeans that have suddenly become very tight in certain places.

“Do you like me, Kookie?”

…

Somehow, not needing an ambulance, Jungkook has a heart attack. Well… not really, but it feels like he’s about to by the way he’s sweating profusely. Out of all the questions in the world you could ask him in that moment, why that one?! Not: why were you staring? Or, are you a freak?

Yes, he likes you! Fuck, he fucking loves you! But why ask now? Why ask after he just utterly embarrassed himself and ogled at you like a creep.

“I’m sorry… w-what?” He must not have heard you right. His anxiety has probably just fogged up his brain, and now his mind is making up silly things.

But it wasn’t in his head. You then slowly push his legs wide apart, and Jungkook is frozen to let you do it. You scoot yourself in between his spread legs, fluttering your eyelashes up at him like the minx that you are.

“I said, do you like me?”

Okay, so you did actually say those words. Jungkook swallows even though his mouth is dryer then a desert, and clenches his fingernails into his hands. Not only did you clarify your personal question, but you’re sitting in between his legs - closer to him now then you ever have before.

All Jungkook needs to do is reach out and he’ll be touching you, your that close. But besides that, even if he doesn’t answer your question, all it will take is for you to look down to know your answer.

Realizing this, Jungkook places his hands on top of his embarrassing erection, and then opens and closes his mouth like a cod fish. Still run speechless.

“Because… if you do like me…” You run your hands down both his legs. “Then I would say the feelings are mutual.” Jungkook swallows, ears burning and brain all over the place. “And I would even… give you a little treat if you answer honestly.”

Your hands stop when there right on the outer edges of his crotch. The tips of your fingers touching his hands that are covering his erection that you clearly saw before.

Jungkook blinks… processes everything… then says, whole heartedly, “I do, Y/n.”

No stutter. No crack in his voice. He says those three words likes he’s breathing out air. There’s a lot about you he doesn’t understand, and one of those things is how in such moments as these he feels like he needs to always tell you the truth. You’re always truthfully to him, so he shouldn’t lie to you anyway, especially after you admitted to something he only ever heard in his wildest of dreams…

You said you liked him.

Even before the concept of a treat came up, he highlighted those words of yours. He must be dreaming. He has to be dreaming. But he’s not, and your bright smile proves that.

“Good,” You whisper in between the two of you.

Then you steal his first kiss.

The first few seconds of it, Jungkook doesn’t react. His mind still floating to Mars and back from you saying you like him. Him unable to wrap his brain around how or why you do, but still feeling gitty about it.

Once his mind has settled a bit, he gasps into your mouth. He finally gets back into his body, the trip to Mars his brain just went on being cut short once he realized your lips were on his. You giggle against his lips, but you don’t pull back from him.

Jungkook is not only inexperienced with kissing, but the fact that his first kiss is with you has him shaking. Then again… you seem to be doing that a lot to him today.

You move your lips against his when you realize he wasn’t going to, and your happy to take the lead, anyway. To many guys thinking just sticking their tongue down your throat is the way to do it makes you a hundred percent okay with taking the lead. You move your lips in such a way, that Jungkook starts to follow you. Wet noises are heard in your quiet room ever time both your lips reattach.

Just like Jungkook predicted, your lips are feather soft. The taste of your cherry lipstick smoothing over his taste buds, and the way your move your lips as his brain short circuiting. If he wasn’t in love with before, he definitely is now. He never tasted something so sweet before, and the love he’s trying to pour back to you is small but will always be there.

If a kiss could blind a soul, then Jungkook is blind to everything but you.

After five minutes of kissing - and heavy breathing from Jungkook - you remove your lips from his. Jungkook is in awe of you. He must be on drugs because suddenly he swears there’s sparkles surrounding your frame. That may just be his happiness clouding his eyes, but either way he’s over the moon.

Not only do you like him, but you just kissed him! You made out with him. Sealing the deal on his heart belonging to you for eternity.

“Y/n- that-… wow,” He’s speechless. How could he not be? He still feels your lips against his own like a ghost, and he moves on hand to touch his lips. When he looks down at his fingers, he sees your light pink lipstick on the tips of his fingers. Your lipstick staining his lips from the intense make out session that’s just happened, and he hopes it never rubs off.

“Wow, indeed,” You say. “But I didn’t give you your treat yet.”

Jungkook raises a pointed eyebrow at you, not understanding-

With one movement of your hand, Jungkook is grunting against closed teeth when your hand smooths over his bulge through his pants. His neglected length getting harder as you two were making out, and Jungkook completely forgetting about it since all of his senses were only directed at you.

He must have slacked his hands off of his lap at some point during the make out session, because now when he looks down through his slowly closing lashes he only sees your hand rubbing at him through his jeans.

You giggle at his hearty reaction, and lean in to kiss his cheek. “Someone get excited quickly.”

Jungkook’s cheeks flush, and his nails rip at the floorboards. Yes, he’s excited! The girl of his dreams is touching him, and not only that’s, he’s a fucking virgin! Any touch from your brings on oversensitivity, so for to touch him there it’s like a super nova has just went off in his body.

He feels like he should tell you the truth. That’s a an inexperienced virgin, and maybe going this far with him right now isn’t a good idea. He should tell you he’s not as experienced as you may think a guy his age should be, but before Jungkook could utter a word to you you’re unbuttoning his pants and smashing your lips back together with his.

Jungkook wants to faint and howl to the night skies all at the same time. This is his deepest wet dream come true, but he still thinks he should-

“Huh!!!”

The second your dainty hand wraps around him, Jungkook is completely done for. He doesn’t cum, but he’s damn well close already. He’s moaning, grunting, and almost fricken crying by the way you’re touching him. It’s literally only been thirty seconds, but those few pumps you have gave to his cock have him melting.

You detach your lips from his at the same time your thumb rubs at his swollen head. Jungkook’s nails dig into the floorboards even harder, and he’s trying his best not to shut his eyes as the pleasure you’re giving him takes over is every body cell.

You lick your lips, glancing at his cock in your hand, “Does that feel good, Kookie?”

“Y/n, oh shit, y/n~” Your name falls from his lips like it has all the times he’s done this to himself. But your words just prove he’s not alone, and he’s not dreaming this up. “Fuck~”

You bite your lip, loving how wild your project partner is - not to mention vocal. You wonder how he would react if you go down on him, and there’s nothing stopping from asking.

“Would you be like it more if I put my mouth on you?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen, and the highest pitched moan leaves him mouth. His cock jumps in your hand, and you take that as a whopping yes!

You lean your head down, readying yourself to take him. “W-wait… y/n I’m-“ He cut off when your mouth surrounds him with one gulp, bobbing up and down once and then twice… and then you’re getting a mouthful of cum and a ear full of moans.

Jungkook’s entire body vibrates as he cums. Your hands had him close already, so once your mouth touched him he knew it would come within a matter of seconds. Three euphoric, amazing, blissed out seconds of your mouth surrounding him. Seeing you bob your head, even if it was only three times, will forever be stained in his mind. No doubt he will be seeing that picture of you in his head for many days to come.

He doesn’t even have the access to feel embarrassed about cumming so fast because he’s so fucked out. He’s breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling quickly with each heave, and he feels continuing jolts of pleasure coarse down his body. Your mouth is still on him, swallowing up ever spurt, and that knowledge alone has him spurting another few times. Your wet mouth consuming him fully, and he still can’t believe how good you feel.

No… he knew you would feel good. Everything about you is already perfect, so of course you were good with this too. Even if he only got to experience this all for a solid minute, he’s smiling at the fact that he did. That he experienced this with you, and how even the deepest part of himself knows he will remember this moment forever. Even if you were to kick him out right now, and run back to your ex, Jungkook would remember this day as the best day of his life.

You slowly remove your mouth from his slowly declining length, and then wipe your mouth. You look up to see Jungkook with the cutest smile on his face, and it is quite adorable, although you feel he forgot to mention one tiny detail about himself before you decided to run him stupid.

You say his name to get his attention, and Jungkook hums back in content - staring at you like you hold the universe in his hands.

“Are you a virgin?”

And… Jungkook is back to freaking out.

CH 6

#shy jungkook #jungkook #jk #jungkook bts #bts #jk bts #project partners #project partners chapter 5 #chapter 5 #virgin jungkook #loner jungkook #romance #popular reader #jungkook x reader #loner!jungkook x popular!reader #virgin!jungkook x confident!reader #jungkook smut

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yandere-fics · 2 months

Note

Ok dumb jester yandere ideas because I'm trying to speak her into existence.

Grew up extremely impoverished in the kingdom, was going to be executed for theft before she said something that made Theanna laugh. Theanna then decreed her the court jester, since she just had the last one killed for making a joke at her darling's expense.

Doesn't actually know many jokes and has a completely twisted sense of humour, just kind of makes a fool of herself and occasionally gets a chuckle out of Theanna.

Falls in love with her darling because you're the first one to actually laugh at her jokes.

Missing two fingers from "juggling accidents". She might be bullshitting or she might be telling the truth.

"Yeah, I know it's huge, pretty cool riiight? Why are you laughing?"

Gossips to Theanna about all the goings on around the kingdom.

Is just super pathetic. I picture her like Runa without the anxiety, she's still nervous but never takes it out on her darling. All things related to her darling are expressed with total overconfidence, bordering on complete delusion. Of COURSE you love her, you chuckled at one of her jokes!!

Has a mean streak that comes out when she's pushed to the edge. Instead of having crying fits like Runa she gets really, really mean. She never assumes anything bad of her darling, even if you told her you hated her she'd laugh at it and call it a funny joke, but if you tried fighting her off constantly she'd get really mean. The joke isn't funny anymore, cut it out you bitch.

For some reason I also picture her having a prosthetic leg that's just a little broken, causing her to stumble around a lot. Combine that with the missing fingers and she's a total clutz who constantly hurts herself. Luckily that's the part Theanna finds so amusing

-girlfailure

I love her, ugh i'm really going to have to make her now

#girlfailure anon

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dungeons-and-dragon-age · 1 year

Text

some more incorrect quotes, cos they're fun xdd

---

Dorian: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute

June: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?

---

Varric: I hate the countryside. It’s dirty. It’s unclean. And what is that smell?

Liam: That would be grass.

Varric: Disgusting.

---

Liam: Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life anymore..

Liam: Things just happen and I’m like “Oh, is this what we’re doing now? Ok.”

---

Noya: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

---

Liam, texting Fenris: Fenris there’s a spider on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?

Liam: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry

Liam: Fenris

Liam: Fenris?

Fenris: Fenris is dead. You’re next. Love, Spider.

---

Addie: Can we go out to get icecream?

Liam: Did you ask Pa?

Addie: He said no.

Liam: Then why did you ask me?

Addie: He’s not the boss of you.

Liam, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap-

---

Noya: Are you busy?

Sten: Yes.

Noya: Cool, listen to this-

---

Zevran: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Kala will and will not eat.

Alistair: Grass? Yes!

Zevran: Moss? Yes!!

Alistair: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

Zevran: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Alistair: Worms? Sometimes!

Zevran: Twigs? Usually nah.

Alistair: Rocks? Usually!

Zevran: Morrigan's cooking? Inconclusive!

Wynne: How did you… test this?

Zevran: You just hand her stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if she eats it, she eats it.

Wynne: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

Morrigan: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

---

Kala: You are an absolute fucking dork.

Alistair, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!

Kala: *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.

---

Ari, to the party: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

---

June, trying to comfort Cullen: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

---

Liam: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

---

Cullen: So, June is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.

Cass: Why?

Cullen: Because I've caught her trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.

June: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

---

Var'Renan: *raises eyebrows*

Noya: Put those back down!

---

Kala: That's ridiculous, Alistair doesn't have a crush on me.

Zevran: Yes he does.

Leliana: Yes he does.

Alistair: Yes I do.

---

Ari: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is going to piss you off?

Josie: What? No, I—

Solas: *enters room*

Ari: *jaw clenches*

---

Neira: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices.

Neira: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.

---

Morrigan: Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder.

Morrigan: *glares at Neira*

Neira: Well, sorry I have morals!

---

Jowan: You’re overthinking this.

Neira: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Jowan. What if I’m underthinking?

---

Alistair: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.

Kala: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Alistair: Th-that's not how that works-

---

June, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?

Sera: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.

June: Ohhhh-

Cullen: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

---

Liam: Fine! I don't give a shit!

Merrill: You seem to give a lot of shits for someone who claims not to give a shit.

---

Neira: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.

---

Ari: Who hurt you?

Sera: *snorting* What, do you want a list?

Ari: ...Yes, actually.

---

Krem: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?

Cass: Bees?

June: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!

Cass: Wait-

*Sera approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

---

Liam: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one you'll be fined.

Addie: Heck.

Liam: You're on thin fucking ice.

Liam: Oh no-

---

Solas: This is a very powerful artifact. You’d be messing with forces you don’t fully understand.

June: That sounds like a dare to me.

Solas: Oh my god.

---

Neira, making coffee: This is going to fix everything

---

Cassandra: Yesterday, I overheard June saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Dagna replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

---

Lilian: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.

---

Zevran: Hey, can I get a sip of that water?

Kala: It’s not water.

Zevran: Vodka! I like your sty-

Kala: It’s vinegar.

Zevran: …What?

Kala: It's vinegar, PUSSY.

---

Ari: *closes a cabinet*

*a crash is heard behind the cabinet door*

Josephine: What was that?

Ari: The sound of someone else's problem.

[insert dejected Trifles Minutiae noises]

---

Lilian: I need to dye my hair.

Lilian: Or get another tattoo.

Lilian: Or a new piercing.

Sebastian: ..... Why?

Lilian: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

---

Merrill: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?

Liam: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.

Varric: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Liam: Good thinking.

---

June: *makes Cullen a cup of tea but puts salt in it*

Cullen: *sips tea*

June:

Cullen: *finishes tea*

June: Didn't it taste bad?

Cullen: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.

June, tearing up: Oh, okay.

---

Random Orlesian at a political dinner: How many kids do you have?

Ari: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

---

Var'Renan: Creators, give me patience.

Noya: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Var'Renan: If the Creators gave me strength, you'd be dead.

#incorrect quotes #my ocs #im too tired to tag ocs rn imma do that tomorrow #also if anyone does this too please do tag me! incorrect quotes are always v fun to read hehe #oc: neira surana #oc: kalagna brosca #oc: liam hawke #oc: lilian hawke #oc: june trevelyan #oc: ari adaar #oc: noya tabris #oc: var'renan mahariel #oc: adriel #ok. i think that was all of them xD

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faewritesfanfic · 10 months

Text

Ultimatums

TW: Panic attacks, anxiety, possessive behaviour, and Eden's unnecessary yandere bullshit.

SHE LIKES YOU BACK, YOU DRAMA QUEEN!

Lots of fluff and angst in this one. Enjoy!

---

The rain was coming down in buckets as Eden and Bailey waited outside the school for Kore. Eden huddled under a small awning, while Bailey sulked in his rain poncho because it was too wet to smoke.

“We need a second umbrella.” Eden grumbled. He’d been in a foul mood since English class when the teacher stuck Kore with that rich pretty boy for the project. It always annoyed him when people paid special attention to Kore. His one grace was that Kore was good at politely, but firmly communicating that she wasn’t interested. Today Eden was incensed because she hadn’t been able to do that, and he’d had to watch her all class looking uncomfortable. Very little broke Kore’s polite mask when they were in public, so working with Avery seemed to have been truly awful for her.

Eden hated that he was a little happy about that.

“We had a second umbrella. You broke it over that one guy’s head.” Bailey shot back.

“I miss that umbrella.” Eden sighed. It had taken two good whacks to bust the umbrella, and you just didn't get that sort of durability in something often.

“Sorry I’m late!” Kore said as she jogged up to them, their last umbrella protecting her from the rain. “I’m okay! Just had a little trouble getting out of school today.”

Eden tries to crouch under the umbrella with her, as Kore tries to stand on her tip-toes to cover them both. It’s a little tricky. He’s been a foot taller than her for a year now. Either way, Eden doesn’t miss the old umbrella anymore. Kore’s being too cute.

“Here.” Eden says, reaching for Kore and scooping her up into his arms. She lifts the umbrella over him easily now, covering them both. “Much better.” Much, much better. Eden was feeling extra possessive now, and having Kore close soothed a part of him that felt raw and angry.

“Much better. Thank you, Eden.” Kore agrees with a nod.

“Are you two for real?” Bailey says incredulously. “You know he could just hold the umbrella.”

Kore is silent for a long moment as she stares at Bailey, then looks up at Eden with her big, Disney princess eyes and blinks before looking back at Bailey. “But… then how would Eden hold me?”

Bailey looks back at her in horror. “You’re doing this on purpose.”

“I could carry you in one arm, and hold the umbrella with my free hand.” Eden offered.

“Can you do that?” Kore asks, and Eden feels a swell of pride at the tone of wonder in her voice.

“One sec.” Eden shifts Kore’s weight so she’s leaning against him and resting on his arm before taking the umbrella from her and holding it above them.

“Oh!” Kore says, delighted. “Well there you go, Bailey! Problem solved!”

“That is enough! I’m going on ahead! I hate you both!” Bailey announced with exaggerated disgust, charging ahead though the rain.

It gets harder and harder to keep straight faces as Bailey goes, and eventually Eden and Kore dissolve into fits of laughter.

“That was entirely too easy!” Kore giggles as her feet touch the ground. She stays close to Eden, holding on to one of his arms so they more easily stay together under the umbrella.

“Why were you late?” Eden asks as they start walking. They always took the long way home, down Wolf Street so they could spend a little time by the forest before going back to the orphanage.

“Ugh.” Kore makes a bitter, distasteful expression. “Tried to arrange library time to do that book report. Someone was being difficult.”

A creeping dread mixed with rage seeped throughout Eden. Ah yes. Him. “How so?” He half growls.

Most people would be afraid of such an expression, but it no longer surprises him that Kore doesn’t flinch away. This time she instead relaxed into him, resting her head against Eden’s arm as if comforted by his reaction, and sighs.

“He won’t meet in the library.” Kore complains. Eden wonder’s if she’s refusing to use the boy’s name for his own sake, but he’s thankful she doesn’t say it whatever the case. “Apparently he’s busy every day after school with… I’m going to be honest, I don’t even really remember. He talks about himself so much I just started to tune it out and think about Warhammer. I think he works at a restaurant? Or he owns a restaurant? I could not tell you, Eden. I was so bored I was thinking about pulling the fire alarm.”

Eden openly laughs and pulls Kore a little closer. Her clear dislike of Avery is like a soothing balm to him. Eden felt special being one of only two people Kore could stand to be around. It was so easy for him to forget that just because she was a sweet little fluff ball with them, didn’t mean she was like that around other people in the slightest.

Kore hated people almost as much as Eden did. He found it endearing.

“So he’s making you do all the work?” Eden asks. Typical. At least when Kore did Eden’s work he tried to contribute.

“No, and you’re going to absolutely hate this,” Kore sighs. “He wants me to come over to his place this weekend so we can work on the project. Apparently his parents are out of town and I should bring a swimsuit because they have a pool.”

Eden stops dead in his tracks, and Kore stumbles a few steps ahead.

She was right. He hates it. Eden hates it so much he can feel that hatred vibrating through every cell in his body.

“You’re not going.” He hisses. The rage he feels is literally blinding. This was a trap. It was a trap. It was an obvious trap. Someone was trying to take Kore away. His Kore. Avery was trying to get Kore alone, and in a bathing suit? Eden was going to murder the little fucker! The idea that some little shit thought he could show up out of nowhere and get between them was disgusting. He and Kore had been through so much. She had literally stitched him back together after some of the worst moments in his life. Eden was never going to let her go. He was never going to hand her over to some privileged rich kid with such an obvious soul interest in her.

Eden’s heart is pounding so loud it’s all he can hear. He’s breathing too fast. When Kore speaks to him, moves closer to him, it’s like she’s blurred and muffled.

“Eden?” He thinks he hears, and something in him snaps.

“I mean it, Kore!” Eden barks. “I don’t care if you have to fail that project! You are not going over there. You are not to be alone with him, even for a second. I don’t care if you have to drop out of school to fucking do it. We’ll make it work. I am putting my foot the fuck down, Kore!”

Eden’s throat is sore from the shouting, and he feels a little dizzy. He clenches his eyes shut to try and stop it, and so he doesn’t have to look at Kore and see whatever hurt expression she has on her face. Her grades were really important to Kore. Would she listen to him? He couldn’t take that chance. Maybe he could snatch her and they could hide in the woods for a while. He could keep her on a collar and leash to make sure she didn’t sneak off. Kore would hate him for it, but she would be safe at least. He had to keep her safe.

“Oh, Eden. C’mere, c’mere, c’mere.” Kore soothes, her voice full of compassion. It doesn’t take much for her to guide his forehead down to her shoulder, and from there Eden wraps around the small woman tight. As he holds on to Kore, she reaches up to rub his back and stroke his hair. She starts to hum some slow, sweet tune in his ear, and Eden starts to get a hold of his breathing.

“I completely agree, Eden.” She says gently, and Eden squeezes her a little tighter. He buries his face in her shoulder to block out the world. “A good mark in a class with an idiot of a teacher and a partner that clearly has suspect intentions towards me is not worth betraying your trust. It just isn’t. I’ll do my part of the project, and if that boy doesn’t want to contribute, well, then I guess we’ll both fail. It’s not a big deal.”

Eden straightens a bit, surreptitiously trying to blink away tears. “Wasn’t expecting that.” He says with a small huff.

“You never do.” Kore says warmly, beaming up at him. “I am seriously annoyed about all this, though! I was looking forward to reading Frankenstein with you!” She groaned. “It’s both depressing science fiction, and written by someone who’s been dead at least a hundred years. It’s one of the few things in the center of the venn diagram that is our shared reading preferences! Wait, Mary Shelly has been dead over a hundred years, right? Please tell me I’m not misremembering things.”

Eden can’t help laughing. This woman was a treasure. How did she always manage to surprise him like this? He was still feeling shaky, but his mood was rapidly improving. Whenever he thought things were about to turn terrible, she did something he couldn’t conceive of and chose him. Whatever the choice, she always chose him. It was like a miracle every time.

“Yeah. She died February 1rst, 1851.” Eden says with a grin, reaching down to hug Kore tight again.

“Right!” She laughs in turn, reaching up to hug him back. “So I’ve been robbed of my reading time with you, and I am very upset about it!” Kore hugged Eden’s arm as they began walking again.

Eden shakes his head at her. “We can still read Frankenstein together.”

“So you can trick me into reading Paradise Lost? No thank you!” Kore huffs playfully. “Besides, You said you’d read Snow Crash with me.”

“I said I would read Snow Crash if you read Ulysses.”

“And I said I’d read Ulysses when you read Mrs. Dalloway.”

“I don’t know what you’re upset about. You clearly have plenty of reading time with me.” Eden gazes down affectionately at Kore as she dissolves into giggles.

Eden knew one day Kore would have to leave him. She would find someone worthy of her, or try to move somewhere he couldn’t reach, and Eden would need to clip her wings and hide his songbird away from the world. When that day came their relationship would change forever, and he may never see Kore smile like this again. Before that awful day came, Eden wanted to enjoy these moments. He was grateful Kore kept putting that day off, but he knew this couldn’t last forever.

Eden would never, ever let Kore go.

#eden the hunter #alternate universe #kore the gardener #bailey the caretaker #fanfic #fluff #angst #avery arc #degrees of lewdity #no beta we die like men

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overlyimmersed · 5 months

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A Lot to Talk About

When Hendrickson is saved by Fraudrin!Dreyfus, Helbram regains his strength too. Maranwe is elated that he's better, but now they have a lot to talk about.

Maranwe is sitting there, on the floor of the tree hollow, with one hand buried in her hair and wearing a look of deep concentration. She has been for a fair few minutes now, since Helbram finished his explanation of what all had transpired between himself and Harlequin, as well as what he alone has been up to since he and Maranwe were parted all those centuries ago. She'd asked several questions along the way, and now it seems like she's just processing it all. She looks rather disturbed, he can't really blame her…

For his part, Helbram is staying quiet. Just letting her do whatever she needs to, though he'd be lying if he said he wasn't…nervous. Who knows what her answer to all of this will be? How she'll react once she's thought it all through? How she's feeling right now? It can't be anything good, none of it. He had nothing good to tell her. Murder, betrayal, dark forbidden magic. All the blood on his hands, his own on Harlequin's thanks to it. He wouldn't blame her if she decided to hate him. Though the thought of that makes him wish he was still dead.

Inside Maranwe's mind is working away to put all these jagged pieces together and figure out how to live with the result. "Ok," begins her inner monolog, "so… the whole…"thing"… made Helbram go genocidally insane…I kinda get that… And that lasted for, like, five hundred years where he was hearing our dead friends scream inside his head the whole time… super… And the next time he sees Harlequin after all that time he just kills him without really saying anything… By the Sacred tree! What's that about!? I know Helbram says is was a good thing but it sound like bullshit to me! Gah! And then after THAT he gets revived by some human prick's torture magic! And kills more people! And then Harlequin tried to kill him AGAIN! What? Whaat…" She sighs audibly and runs her fingers through her hair, Helbram perks up a little, anxious for a response, but she goes right back to her contemplation. "Literally WHAT am I supposed to DO with all this?! It's all so awful! I don't..even know which part is worse…" She sighs again and glances at Helbram, who's still there watching her, anxiety is pealing off of him in waves, "He killed a lot of people, probably more then I can actually count. That's really bad. It's…kinda weird that I don't care at all though… I mean it's bad and I know it's bad and if he tried to hurt anyone now I'd stop him of course! But… all the people that are dead already… Well what difference does it make really? They were all humans, they'd be long dead by now regardless wouldn't they…? Helbram and Harlequin are still alive though, and living with all the awful things that have happened to them… And I don't know that I can feel it's really his fault, I guess? He wasn't in his right mind, and it's the fault of humans that he went mad to begin with. Sure, all the rest of the people he killed weren't responsible for that but… I don't know… I can't help any of THEM, and it's not as if Helbram suffering is going to undo any of it…and now that he's back in his right mind he clearly regrets it. Ugh! How am I supposed to feel?! …How DO I feel…?" she stares at him for a moment trying to find the answer to that question in his eyes, "Have his eyes always…been like that… He wants me to say something…"

"I…" she begins, trying to put the words in order as the come out of her mouth, "I really hate all of that…" she says it with laughter in her tone, but it's clearly not funny at all. "Ohhh," she groans, dropping her head and digging her fingers into her hair again, "how did things wind up so…this?"

"It's my fault." Helbram answers, as if the question hadn't be rhetorical. "Shut uuup…" she groans again and looks up, studying the guilt in his face for a second, "It's not your fault someone else decided to hurt us." "But I'm the one who chose to trust the humans." "And I chose not to talk you out of it…" "You couldn't have known!" "And you could?"

They both go quite for a long moment before Maranwe breaks the silence with yet another exhausted sigh. "Look, I don't care. I don't care who's fault it is, I don't care what happened, I don't care!" the last part is barked out with an incredulous laugh, before she settles into a softer tone, "I'm just…happy you're here." He stares at her, clearly surprised, "You..really mean that? After everything I've done?" "I mean it isn't good!" she says with a wry smirk that quickly falls, "But what am I supposed to do about it? You're all that matters, you're here and we're together, and Harlequin too! I know- Elaine… But still, maybe things can-" go back to normal? "be ok…?"

Her gaze falls to the floor and this terrible brokenness comes over her that shakes Helbram to his core. What does she mean? What's going on inside of her? What has she been through…? He reaches towards her, hesitating for a second and almost pulling back, but carefully he slides his hand onto her shoulder. The response he gets is not altogether unexpected, but is still painful to watch. Tears well up in her eyes, and she glares through them into the ground, gritting her teeth hard. Why is she trying so hard not to cry? "Maranwe?" he asks gently. She blinks in response, causing the tears to fall. "What happened…?"

For a second he watches pressure build in her expression, and he thinks she might finally tell him, but instead she bolts to her feet, shaking off his touch and pacing several steps away from him. "Nothing! It doesn't matter!!" she shouts, panic mounting in her voice. Helbram stands as well, worry on his face but determination in his eyes. "Maranwe. Where have you been this whole time?" "It doesn't matter! It doeSN'T MATTER!! I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!" her shoulders hunch forwards and she covers her ears with her hands as if the room is too loud. "We can't go home." his tone is gentle, a little sad, but matter-of-fact. "I KNOW!" she shrieks the answer as if she's in pain, making Helbram flinch. Now it's his turn to sigh, and he moves to step towards her, but halts as something catches his attention. Sparkles. Silver sparkles are starting to twinkle in the air around her, and what seems like…ghosts…flicker in and out of sight. They're not quite solid enough to make out, but they're…familiar, and the longer he looks, the more he recognizes them, and the more sense it makes. He sighs again and commits to walking towards her. He steps around so he's in front of her and lightly takes her wrists, pulling her hands away from her ears and towards his own chest.

"Come here…" he says quietly as he pulls her fully against him and wraps his arms securely around her. At some point she'd started crying outright, though she isn't making any sound about it. How did she learn to cry so hard without making any sound at all?

Holding her like this gives him a good view of her wings. Two pairs, still sprout sized, transparent, magenta with just a hint of a shimmer he can see now that her magic is reflecting off of them, and in each one a gaping hole like something had been driven through them. The sight fills him with a storm of emotions. Someone hurt her so bad. As clearly evidenced by those holes, as by the way her body is shaking in his embrace.

"Tell me. Please?" He has to know. How is he supposed to help if he doesn't?

She grinds her forehead against his shoulder as if writhing and makes a soft, pained noise. It makes his whole chest hurt, but at least it's a sound.

"It'll be ok, I promise."

There's a pause and he can feel her whole body tense up, then she takes a sharp breath.

"I-…I..don't really- I-" she stammers, just above a whisper.

He tighten the embrace a little bit, trying to make her feel safe, and she tucks into him.

"I- Don't really know where it was. I never asked… I never asked a lot of things… I mean, it was underground? A-a cellar I guess, a cage, I-…" she fidgets with one of the buttons on his shirt as the words flow and stop like wine from an up-ended bottle.

"Easy, easy." he tries to soothe, "Just start from the beginning."

She exhales, trying to steady herself, before taking another pause. "… Where is the beginning…" she sniffles and tries to dry her face with her own shoulders while she thinks. "It-… It wasn't very far. I guess. I was night when we got wherever it was they lived, I guess. And they put me in a cage. They talked to each other, but not to me much and I didn't talk either. I don't really-…I don't know why. I don't…really remember what all what going through my head. It was a long time ago… I've thought so many other things since then and most of it all kind of blurs together… Anyway… I remember the ride was uncomfortable, they just had me over the horse like that. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I could have just gotten down, tried to… something…" she gives a dismissive shrug, "Either way, I didn't do anything and they put me in this cage under their house. These two men. They were brothers, I guess. It wouldn't matter for very long… One was smarter then the other, but that didn't matter either. Smart meant…slow. Less impulsive. There was only one pretty soon. But before that… They worked together for a while. Keeping me secret and pretending to be…to be…what is it? "Faith" leaders? Prophets. Something to that sort. By…"miracle healing"…"

"Miracle healing? You don't have healing magic though."

"No." she agrees, then she takes a long pause, chewing at the inside of her cheek, "Y'know… I don't know if that thing about our wings is true… But apparently these men heard a different rumor…-" she stops fidgeting with his shirt and turns her arms over between them. "-They had heard something about blood… Every full moon they'd fill this special cup with my blood and then leave me alone again… I don't…know exactly what they did with it. But it was very important to them."

As she explains, Helbram's eyes stay fixed on Maranwe's forearms, the upper halves of both undersides are densely crisscrossed with lines. Hundreds and hundreds of scars. He's trying to listen, but the blood rushing in his ears makes it difficult. Every full moon for seven. hundred. years.

"So then…" he starts slowly, preparing for the answers to get worse, "What about…" he trails off, letting his fingertips graze the tip of one of her small wings, it twitches reflexively. It take Maranwe so long to answer that Helbram gets nervous and glances up at her face. She's chewing the inside of her cheek again, but he can't read her expression.

"… … … That- Well…" she turns her arms back over to take fistfuls of his shirt, "That happened pretty early on… When there were still two of them, I'd learned their pattern. There was a celebration on the full moon. They were always away from home all night after they look my blood so I thought… I thought I might be able to… I don't really know why it didn't work. They came home early, or maybe I didn't know what time it really was. I don't know. But they caught me. I'd managed to get out of the cage! But they caught me at the top of the stairs… And then they made sure I couldn't try that…again…"

And as if on a que an echo-y scream splits the air. Helbram's head immediately shoots up and he instinctively pulls Maranwe tight against his chest. She doesn't react at all. Over her shoulder, Helbram can see the scene playing out in Maranwe's glittering magic. The two men berating and insulting her, and laughing at her fear as the starlight Maranwe begs for mercy and promises not to try and escape again. Pleas that amount to nothing as the ring of a sledge hammer driving metal spikes into a stone wall resounds through the tree hollow, harmonized by screaming and begging that peters off into sobs as she finally left alone in her trap.

Helbram stares, wide-eyed, even after the image fades into a rain of sparkles, his teeth tightly gritted to try and stifle his rage as it plays over and over in his mind. What finally snaps him back to the moment is a tiny squeak from the real Maranwe. He blinks and looks at her, realizing he's holding her much too tight. "Sorry!" he loosens his grip and his expression softens, changing from rage to regret, "I'm so sorry… I promised to protect you and I couldn't…"

Maranwe shakes her head and shrugs. "I know how to protect myself now. I had to learn. Some of the human boys in that bloodline thought they could just touch things when they thought they owned them… So I can do this now." She stops back from him and a bubble of Starlight encases her.

Helbram marvels at the trick, placing his hand against the bubble. "You can make shields…" he knocks on it a few times, it makes a sound similar to a window. "It's solid!"

"Yeah! I've named it "Starshine Shield". I can do a lot of things now." she drops the shield and steps close to him again, "I had a lot of time to sit and think and practice…"

He tries to smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes "That's great! I knew you could figure it out."

She returns a smile that's just as genuine and the two fall into a silence, that Helbram eventually breaks.

"So…this whole family tortured you for generations?"

"Well, not all of them. Just the boys. Fathers taught sons to treat me like a resource or a tool, but daughters got less focus. Sometimes they'd be afraid, but most of them were fascinated and would try to be nice to me when they could."

"I see. Well at least there's that… So then, how'd you wind up in Liones?"

"Oh, uh. Well after seven hundred years the spikes came loose. And since I'd figured out how to use my magic my defend myself I just…left. That was a few years ago actually, nine I think. I was just wondering around looking for Harlequin. It was just luck that I ended up in the right place at the right time like that…"

"Just luck? Aren't you the one who was always going on about destiny?"

She gives a weak laugh, "Yeah. I guess it does seem a weird coincidence, all of us being in the same place on that day like that…"

She falls into a moment of silence, and Helbram can see thoughts churning behind her eyes. He doesn't disturb her, curious to know what exactly it is now.

"…It does confuse me though…" she begins, "Why would this be Destiny? With the whole…"Hendrickson" thing, what's the point?" she looks up to meet his gaze and again her expression is unreadable, but her eyes seem to be beg for some kind of answer.

Now Helbram has to take a moment to think. She has a point, after all. Why be able to save him if his life is bound to a fragile human anyway. Even if nothing bad ever happens to Hendrickson he's still only got a few of decades at most. It seems kind of cruel actually…

"I don't know…" is all he can offer. Oddly enough though, this doesn't seem dissatisfying to Maranwe. Just the opposite in fact, it seems to stoke a fire inside of her that Helbram can see in her eyes as she returns to contemplation.

"Well… I guess we'll just have to figure something out. That human may be a dog-" she spits the word with as much contempt as Helbram has ever heard from anyone, "-but he did prove something; death has loopholes."

Author's Notes I initially didn't write any notes, this is being written a couple hours after the initial post when I remembered that I actually have a lot to say about this one. So this… is actually a fic I NEVER thought I was going to write. The version of this AU that I'm building right now is actually the third iteration and is NONE of them did I ever actually intend to write out Maranwe's experience in captivity in her own words like that. It was always just impaled and alluded to and I honestly thought that's how it always would be. I never thought were going to hear the story in her voice. I also never thought I -I as the freakin author of this story- would ever actually know what the humans were doing with her blood. I never even put that much thought into it before, it's something she didn't know so it's something I didn't have to know. But I do actually have that answer now, and I think that's why this fic exists. I think that knowing what Fairy blood does was the key I needed to build this part of my world. This… This rewrite has actually been really hard. This fic comes on the heels of a small hiatus I took because I was just miserable and it was bleeding into the character so much that it was actually ruining her. She was NOT being the character she's supposed to be and I wasn't really sure why… Maranwe is a self-insert. And I was in a place where I'd lost connection with my own identity, so obviously she lost that too… I took time away from The Seven Deadly Sins. I went back over things that have meant a lot to me in the past. Not really deliberately though, I was simply seeking comfort and my heart lead to to it's safe spaces. It lead me back to The Lord of the Rings, which is the root of me, where I could start from the beginning to, metaphorically, put my hands to the earth and ground myself, then it lead me to The Owl House where my self-insert is a teenager so my mind was able to parent itself and I was able to…safely have room to thrash? To be unreasonable and angry. And then it took me Dragon Ball where my self-insert is inherently lost and actively seeking a place. That gives me space to explore, and because Dragon Ball is actually my oldest fandom is also allowed me to retrace steps I've taken all my life to reclaim non-negotiable pieces of myself. And now I feel… Well, not all better, but better enough that I want to start up on this again. Things are different, and that means growing needs to happen, so maybe this self-insert will help me grow.

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oopsallfanfic · 1 year

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Chapter 6: Cracks

As this story progresses, I need to address one thing that I know a lot of people might turn away from this story because of it. This character, you, are someone who suffers from extremely severe anxiety and eventually depression. A lot of this story is going to be based on young adults with these conditions and explore how they think and deal with their problems. There are going to triggering scenes as we move on, take this as a warning going forward.

Katsuki jerked awake at the sound of his door closing, the vague memory of your shadow imprinted in his mind. He threw his covers off himself and padded out of the room, leaning out of the frame to see if there was anyone in the hall. Katsuki ventured downstairs and saw his mother shut the door to their guest.

“Who was that?” He asked, his groggy voice making Mitsuki jump. She turned to him as he stepped off the last step.

“That was the Hamamoto’s daughter,” Mitsuki gestured to their neighbors home. “She came over to see how you were doing just now. You were asleep and I didn’t want to wake you up just for a little visit.”

Katsuki couldn’t help but think there was no way you’d come to visit just to see him, for what reason? The two of you hated each other. At least, he wanted to hate you. It was obvious to him you wanted to come over and give him shit, Probably something about karma that pilled too high. That’s some bullshit she’d say. Katsuki scowled as the thoughts raced through his head.

“Yeah right,” he grumbled, “She came here to see how weak I am, to make fun of me for getting caught by that thing.”

“Oh, no. I don’t think so dear,” Mitsuki said “That girl came over to see how we all were. She was concerned, even more so when she saw you. I could tell by looking in her eyes.” She winked at her son.

“Ugh,” he rolled his eyes in disgust, “Whatever ya old hag, stop assuming stuff like that. I’m going back to bed.”

He couldn’t help but think about what his mother said about you as he laid down again. You were concerned about him, the thought made him confused. Should he be flattered? Enraged? Either way he couldn’t help but toss and turn in his sleep that evening.

You knew there would be no respite from the plague you deemed Bakugo Katsuki. He was everywhere. In your school, by your home, in your gym, and in your mind. His run in with the sludge villain the previous week took him away from his regular activities, meaning you didn’t see him at the gym. I wonder if he’s coming this week, you thought to yourself as you neared the end of your set. You powered through the weighted squat, bringing your hips down low and springing back up to hook the weight back up. You stood up straight and stretched out your body slowly, winding up your sore arms with a couple swings. In the mirror you could see yourself on the surface, a strong, level-headed, and intelligent young woman. On the inside you could feel the plastered facade start to crack from behind.

A slow steady breath brought you back to reality, making you realize that your body was desperate for hydration. You shook your water bottle and drank the swig that was left. After putting away your weights and cleaning, you made your way over near the locker room to fill up. Almost subconsciously you searched for Bakugo on the floor, trying to spot him at his usual spaces. With no sign of the suspect you quickly tried to brush him out of your mind. You topped off your bottle at the fountain and went into the ladies locker room to change clothes. Whenever you hopped on the train after the gym you hated making those around you have to smell the sweaty gym clothes in your bag, you’d feel worse if you just walked into the station still dressed and smelling like the gym. You shook your head in disgust and crinkled your nose as you slipped on a clean pair of socks. Gross, you thought to yourself.

Once you were cleaned up, you began to head out of the gym, nodding to the front desk receptionist as you left. A rapid fall of footsteps followed you close behind as you opened the door, you paused to turn and see who was coming up to you so fast. You saw the tall lean figure of Bakugo Katsuki, his hair flopping with each step. Your eyes widened in surprise and fear, a new combination for you. Before he was near you, you stepped out the door and walked quickly around the corner of the building. Hopefully he didn’t see which way I went, you thought. Too soon though, cause there he came barreling down the alley locking on to you.

“Hey, Bakugo!” You chuckled nervously, Why is he doing this? What’s wrong? What did I do? “Nice to see you back at the gym.” It isn’t, I’m actually terrified right now.

“Don’t ‘Hey’ me, Hamamoto,” Bakugo snapped, “Where do you get off coming over to my house and treating me like I’m some poor defenseless person you can dote on? Huh?”

“What are you talking about?” Your face screwed up in confusion.

“Don’t make that stupid fucking face, you know what I mean. Coming over to ‘check in on me’ when I’m in recovery. The fuck do you take me for, huh? Some weakling who can’t take care of himself?”

“I-I never said any of that,” You could feel your body heat up as the animalistic urge to flight or fight triggered in your brain. Fight it said. “And I’m sorry if that’s how you read it, I was just checking in on my way home. Honest!”

“Whatever, as if you’d actually care to come over to ‘Help’ me,” Bakugo boxed the word in with air quotes. Your heartbeat finally leveled out as you set your palm over your chest.

“Maybe I didn’t then, is that what you want to hear?” You said, locking onto his eyes before he turned away from you abruptly. You could feel that facade crack, letting out what you held in for so long. The feelings that you pushed down bubbled through the crack, pent up rage and anger sitting just under your surface. You balled up your fists and let them lay at your side. “Maybe I came over to see the invincible Bakugo Katsuki knocked down a peg. Is that what you want?”

He looked almost pleased that you said it aloud, Bakugo saw the glimpse of that girl he considered an actual adversary. You had built a new reputation after moving the first time, that you were this goody two shoes fun loving nerdy kid, but deep down you knew that you’d inevitably slip up. Now here you were, not entirely sure if you meant the words you were saying or not.

“And so what if it is?” Bakugo’s head lolled to the side as he looked down at you, a mischievous smile creeping on his lips.

“Well,” You slapped your arms on your thighs with force, a furious tone overtaking your once calm demeanor. “You got your wish you fucking masochist. Now I’m going to go home, before I’m tempted to kick your ass to next week.”

You huffed and stormed off, leaving Bakugo in the alley alone. They way he had seemed pleased with being called weak by you left you feeling dirty and frustrated below your belt. You weren’t entirely sure if you stumbled upon the truth when you called him a masochist, but you couldn’t stop thinking about it on the train ride home. The scenario popped up in your mind unintentionally, Bakugo shirtless underneath you with your knees pressed into his upper arms. The thought made you blush and forced you to cross your legs to wiggle the discomfort out of your pelvis.

God there’s no way I’m actually into him, You thought, Has to be raging teen libido, no other explanation. Yet the image permeated your mind, libido or not, the idea of you pinning down someone like that was hot in your mind. Something you’d save for later in the cover of the late night and comfort of your bed.

Your bed couldn’t be more comfortable than it was in this exact moment, the warmth of your body radiated under the thick sheets creating the prefect temperature to sleep in. The mattress’s soft foam warped under every curve of your body and held you comfortably in it’s warmth. By all means you should be sleeping like a log, out like a light, fast asleep, the idiom doesn’t matter. Instead you stared at the blank ceiling, the soft light from the street lamps outside coloring the opposite wall with it’s warm yellowing light. After seeing Bakugo Katsuki earlier you couldn’t get the image of his sleeping face from last week out of your head, the soft curve of his lips and the typically sharp jaw turned soft by slumber. Today he was all sharp angles and sweat, he probably chased after you in the middle of his set. You had reasoned yourself out of a crush by telling yourself he was a jerk and a bully, and definitely didn’t deserve you. But then there was that nagging voice in the back of your head, that damned woman that spoke in your voice the deepest darkest thoughts to you.

He doesn’t deserve you? Ha! You don’t deserve anyone! She mocked.

Shut up, You turned to your side, clutching the covers close to you. A tightness grew in your chest slowly, the familiar presence of self-doubt and anxiety flooding in.

Who would want you? She teased, a pang to your heart as your body curled into itself. Even that girl Hanai abandoned her childish crush on her hero’s daughter to pursue something more worthwhile. A quirkless scrawny boy. No one wants you.

Shut up! Shut up shutup shutupshutup!! You squeezed your eyes shut and gripped your sides as you began to shudder and quake. There was an ache in your temples that shot around your head as you gritted your teeth, forbidding the tears from your eyes to spill out.

Hinode liked you as a joke, now he’s dating your best friend. Her words made you seeth, He only wanted you around because he knew you’d be easy to nail.

Shut up already, damn it. You curled your hands around your ears and pressed the heels of your palms into them. I don’t want to hear it.

He wasn’t even your boyfriend yet and you caved, you gave him a blowjob. She said in a sultry voice. Like the whore you are.

“Stop it, shut up, please!” Your hushed cries only reached by the pillow as you tugged on your hair. The pain brought you back from the deep dark pit you fell in, but not far enough. You smashed the heel of your hand into your forehead hard enough to make your teeth chatter with each hit. Hot tears fell silently down your cheeks as you slowed down, putting your hand over your head to soothe yourself by pulling on your hair. As your breaths steadied and the tears stopped you found yourself finally easing into sleep.

You almost never wore make-up on a normal school day, but considering how dark and puffy your eyes were from crying the night before, you reconsidered. Your father didn’t notice but your mother certainly did when you sat down for breakfast. She gently held your chin and raised your face to look up at her. Chinami’s eyes looking down her nose as she took a thumb to her tongue and neared your face.

“Ew! Mom!” You jerked your head from her hand as her wet thumb touched near your eye.

“What? I’m trying to fix it,” Chinami grabbed your chin again and you groaned in protest. “Stay still for 5 seconds so I can even it out.”

“Fine,” You huffed as she wetted her thumb again and slid it from the corner of your eye to your temple. She wiped again on your temple and nodded her approval.

“There, better,” Chinami said, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“No,” You mumbled as you shook your head and got back to your breakfast.

After leaving your home for school, you couldn’t help but feel the eyes of strangers look at you at the station. A man in line to board the train car next to yours kept his eyes trained on your body. You stood with your bag clutched close to your chest and a hand firmly pressed your skirt to your leg. Make-up couldn’t cause this much of a fuss, would it? You thought. Your eyes drifted to those around you, the women around barely looked at you. Their eyes looking over you then back to their phones, minding their own business. You weren’t normally this aware of your surroundings at the station, so you couldn’t determine if the newly found attention was because of your make-up or this is just the usual amount of attention you got. You watched as the men around the station threw frequent glances at not only you, but other girls in the station also dressed in their school uniforms.

That’s disgusting, You crinkle your nose and turned to face the incoming train as the announcer called it’s arrival. You took an earbud out of your ear and let it hang from it’s wire so you could hear your surroundings, not wanting to risk being ass grabbed at 7:00am. Most of the seats were taken by commuters already but you noticed a few handles dangled from the center of the train cabin, you grabbed on to one as the rest of the riders made their way on. You could feel the presence of another rider behind you, you didn’t bother turning to look until the warmth radiating off of their body left and came back warmer. You turned to see Bakugo Katsuki close behind, his back inches away from you. His attention was on another commuter who looked scared as he backed away from Bakugo, fumbling to grab a handle on the other side of the cabin. You felt the heat prick your cheeks as you looked up at his sharp features and spiky hair, remembering for a fleeting moment the image of him pressed to your bed under you. Bakugo turned around to look down at you, taking in the new look you decided to do that morning.

“Creep,” You scooted away from him as he rolled his eyes. Hypocrite.

“Crappy looking make-up, weirdo,” He whispered harshly, “Dressing up as a raccoon today are we?”

“Oh, ha ha ha,” You mocked him, shaking your head from side to side with each ‘ha’. Instead of poking the bear further, you popped an ear bud back in and turned up your music.

Hanai: AAAHHHWEODINUCJSLAIE

You: WHAT?? WHAT HAPPENED?

You: R U OK???

You: Hanai please for the love of god respond

You received the message late in the night, luckily you had been up doing homework when you saw her text.

Hanai: Sorry I’m just getting to a really good part of this fan fic I’ve been binging and HOLY SHIT

You: Ayo?? 👀

You: Drop the link

Hanai: I don’t want you to judge tho

You: Oh come on I won’t

You: Send it

Hanai: Hmmmm...

Hanai: Fine

Hanai: www.a03.org/works/beneaththecliffs/263892 (NOT A REAL LINK)

You: FAN FIC FOR ARMIN ARLERT???

Hanai: YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T JUDGE

You: NO I’M NOT! I swear

You: How have we not talked about this before

You: I fucking LOVE Armin

You: Oh I’m about to binge the fuck out of this, thx bb

Hanai: DUUUUDE HOW HAVE WE NOT TALKED ABOUT THIS??

Hanai: God he’s perfect, I love him so much. He’s so perfect in every way ❤️

You: ngl tho he kind of reminds me of someone we know 👀

Hanai: Who?

You: Oh I think you know

Hanai: I literally have no idea who you’re talking about, if you’re going to make me guess can you give a hint?

You: He is a massive dork in our class.

Hanai: Toshinori?

You: He’s not as dorky as the one I’m thinking about.

Hanai: Oh.

Hanai: I see.

You: See??? Izuku! But like Armin’s way more manipulative than Izuku.

Hanai: I don’t think I see it much 🤷

You: Eh maybe I’m stretching a bit

For a while now you noticed Hanai tended to avoid spending alone time with Izuku, normally you’d accuse the guy in this situation for being a creep and hitting on your friend when she didn’t want the attention. With Izuku it was different though, he’s a genuinely nice guy. He wouldn’t lay a finger on Hanai if it wasn’t life and death or without permission. It didn’t take a bunch of scientists to figure out that Hanai was avoiding Izuku in person because she was embarrassed to be alone with him. You’ve been trying to egg her on to confess herself, but she’s shown quite a bit of resilience.

Hanai: Anyways imma keep reading, I think I’m like 4 chapters away from the most recent update. Ttyl!

You: imma dive in, goodnight!

Another attempt failed. You sighed and opened the link Hanai had sent you, opening up the familiar red-and-white website.

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galactic-pirates · 1 year

Text

There’s AI discourse going around again, and I know I am contributing to it venting here but just ugh.

Like I love what I have seen because every post has been slamming AI and saying it’s theft and yes 100% agree. I like that I am not alone in hating the idea. It’s ironic now but I always had such comfort that a “creative job” would always exist because there would a) always be a need for it (whether I am good enough or marketable is a whole other thing, but humans need art), and b) it wasn’t something that could be done by a machine…. boy do I feel silly now.

But that’s kinda my point a bit. I hate remembering that AI exists that can do art. Yes I know there are logical arguments for why it won’t necessarily replace human creatives but I am cynical I guess. I already have a daily battle that I don’t feel like I will ever be good enough. Now I have to battle an additional mental demon of “what’s the point?” as maybe AI can’t do everything yet but the more the machine feeds, the better it gets, and exponentially so ‘one day’ is soon-ish. No telling how soon but it feels soon.

I am a more practiced writer than I am an artist but I don’t delude myself that I’m that great at either. Chronic fatigue is a real problem for me. Not sure how physical it is, it could just be mental from the depression/anxiety, but it gets in my way regardless. I need to put in a lot of work to improve, and I am so tired. It all feels pointless and a computer is already better than me. And yes I am feeling sorry for myself.

A big part of why I attempt to write and draw is because I have stories/images in my head and I want them to be real. Like most creatives probably, reality never matches my mind and that’s disappointing. Creating is a hard gig and that’s before the AI bullshit. But I keep trying because I want to produce my ideas. So I totally get that will always be there for me. That I can keep trying to make stuff no matter what AI is doing. But I also want to share, to be seen. I also - sometimes- try to dream about a future for myself. In this world where everything is about profit margins, and nobody pays for anything if they don’t have to, if AI can make something ‘serviceable’ in an instant, who would pay a human to make something? Presuming of course I can ever get my work to a level where anyone would ever pay anyway. I realise I can share for free but I also like to pay bills.

So yeah today I am sharing the misery I guess. Because everytime I see talk about AI (even good talk slamming it), it reminds me that it exists and I go in a despairing, demoralised spiral.

I suppose at its core. I so desperately want to be good enough. For reality to come close to matching the imagination. But I am held back by my mental demons and by being so tired. I need to have more stamina. But all I see is this huge mountain of work in front of me. All the practice I need to do to even hope of getting good enough. And it really does feel like time is running out. Who will even care anymore?

#sam rambles (a lot)#ignore me #tw negative

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tellywoodtrash · 1 year

Note

I'm the anon who sent you an ask a while ago about my anxiety and panic disorder getting worse and me being back in therapy. I wanted to give you an update about how things are going, because I really appreciate the advice you gave me. I'm on anti-anxiety medication now (I just started my meds today). I'm also making some progress on fixing my sleeping and eating schedules (both were off for the past 2-3 months). I also got into a really good masters program for public health +

I start in September. The only thing that's still sort of bothering me is that my mental health still feels like it's in a very stagnant place. I'm also having a small identity crisis, because one of the things my parents have said to me a few times is that they hope I find a nice guy to marry in grad school. I joke about it with them too, but the whole idea makes me uncomfortable. I've never really dated anyone, because I've never been interested in it. I wasn't really attracted to anyone throughout school and college either. I've been questioning if I'm ace or not, but I'm now also wondering whether this lack of attraction also extends to my romantic attraction towards people. Romance and relationships always sound nice to me in theory, but in real life, I'm not super comfortable with them (I think they're a nice normal part of life, but in terms of myself I don't fully connect with them). Could you give me any advice or reassurance about this? Also I hope you're doing well.

Hi friend!

I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better, and even more than that, you're doing the actual work to become better. So much of mental health is stupid mundane bullshit, like making sure you eat your food + meds/hydrate yourself, going the fuck to sleep instead of watching one more episode on netflix, and reaching out to your friends and just chatting for a bit to feel some human connection. I rebelled against all of it haaaaaaaardddddd when I was in my teens/twenties when other well-meaning adults used to tell me and kept wallowing in my misery, thinking "ugh what do they know, they just don't understand meeeeeee", but I hate to say it, they were right (much to my continued distaste. I hate being told to do the sensible thing.)

Mental health is much like any other slow incremental work you do on yourself, like working out. You're not gonna see drastic results in a day or a week or even a month. But keep doing it, and one day, you'll realise, "hey! i can run for longer than i used to without being outta breath!" or "i can lift more than i used to!" or "i am more flexible now!". Similarly, one day, a few months from now, you'll just suddenly realize that you don't feel so anxious ALL the time anymore. Or that a situation that used to stress you into having panic attacks seems more manageable now. It takes time for your brain chemistry to react to the meds and lifestyle changes, so give yourself that space. It's a daily effort. And if you slip up a day or two (everyone does. I was late with my own meds today), it's fine. Just get back up the next day. A day's miss doesn't undo all the work you've done; making bad choices a continuous pattern does.

The comment from your parents about the marriage thing is just that, a casual comment. It's a half-joke, that you also play along with occasionally. Treat it as just that. In no way are you compelled to do anything you're not comfortable with. Anyway, right now your focus should be on doing your best at your degree and building an independent life for yourself. Use this time to get to know yourself better; you may or may not experiment, educate yourself, whatever you want. See if these type of relationships are meaningful to you, adding value to your life, making you happier. These are things you should figure out for yourself, by yourself, and there's no "deadline" for it. (Hell, I'm in my 30s and I'm still doing it!) Whatever you choose to be and do in your romantic life (including NOT having one) is valid. It's all about what feels authentic to you as a person, and not what other people want from/for you as part of the ideal picture of you in their minds!

Sending you lots of love and good vibes!!!!!!!! ✨✨✨

#tt answers #big sister tt gives life advice

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justkeepdancing-nemo · 1 year

Text

Finding Nemo: How To Land

“I’ve said several times that I’m afraid of falling but not landing. And the difference between falling and landing is that landing means that you can take off again...So, no matter how desperate the situation is, if we choose landing instead of falling, choose not to give up, and just land, we’re ready to fly again.” -Min Yoongi

Summary: Robbie rats out Nemo to Marlin. They go on a road trip to bring Nemo home. Takes place December 14. tw: anxiety, depression

Part One: Failing Nemo Part Two: Something Else

@robbie-ryeo

@moon-yeongtae

@baenxietydad

Marlin x Robbie Texts

Marlin: [deleted] idk why I’m bother—

Marlin: have you heard from Nam-min

Marlin: Olaf called and said he skipped his exams and isn’t in the dorms. He hasn’t answered me

Marlin: what do you know?

Robbie: Im going to assume this is Marlin.

Robbie: Hello to you too

Robbie: Ugh, he left, though and he told me about it. I know where he is but I was hoping he would be back by now :(

Marlin: And nobody thought to tell me my son disappeared aiya this is great, I bet Tae knows too, eo?

Marlin: Tell me where he is.

Robbie: he's actually with Tae I could take you there.

Robbie: to be honest I want to go get him too

Marlin: of course he’s wife Tae, who else would encourage him to run away at least you’re more responsible 🙄

Marlin: So it’s far away, mm

Robbie: yeah they went camping. Where are you I can come pick you up.

Marlin: In town, near the market

Robbie: I'll be right there

ROBBIE:

Spending the last what felt like 17 hours in the car with Marlin Bae had not been ideal. It wasn’t terrible, but the offhand comments about his driving were…annoying to say the least. Was it really so bad to obey traffic laws? Yes, he understood that perhaps they were in a rush because seeing Nemo and making sure he was okay, those things were important, but if they died on the way to the campsite who did that benefit?

Anyway, they were here now and Robbie pulled into the nearest parking space and shut off the engine. The guilt bubbled inside of him as he wondered how furious Nemo would be with him when he saw him approaching with his father of all people. Maybe Robbie should’ve kept his mouth shut, but he was worried same as Marlin and well, anxiety did things to a person. Nemo would eventually understand.

Maybe.

“I think that’s Tae’s truck over there,” Robbie said, pointing to the familiar farm truck. “They can’t be that far–”

Robbie abruptly stopped talking as he spotted Nemo. Nemo hadn’t seen him yet, but suddenly this felt like a much worse idea than it had two minutes ago. Nemo was clearly fine and smiling and—fuck he was going to hate Robbie.

MARLIN:

Mu-yeol was angry but it was less about Nemo skipping exams and running away than it was about…Nemo not talking to him. What was all that bullshit about how they were a team and in it together, huh? He let Nemo work instead of him handling it all with a second human job because Nemo insisted. But school, work, his Hollow duties, his social life…maybe something or multiple something’s had to give. He worried about as much. But always thought Nam-min would come to him and talk about it.

He buried that anger because it was right to feel but wrong to express, and simply said. “Nam-min ah. Did you not think I should know my son is skipping town?”

Because look. The real root of his anger wasn’t that Nam-min must not be taking to school well, because he didn’t expect his son to be his mother. It was a little that Nemo didn’t tell him and a little that Nemo ran off and let Olaf tell him his son was missing. He was an adult and could make these choices. But an “Appa I’m dropping out and need a few days camping with Tae to clear my head” would have sufficed. Maybe he’d try to talk him out of it but he wouldn’t force Nemo to take his exams if he didn’t want to.

Was he worried he would?

“You really should make your escape plans a little more logically.” He gently, sarcastically chastised him, moving to sit down next to him.

He looked around at Tae and Robbie and sighed. “Both of you, forget how to speak Korean.”

NEMO: The first few hours into escape, Nemo felt amazing. Weightless. Free. For the first time in moons, there wasn’t something that he was going to have to rush to, or come from, or do. He was just going to curl up with Tae in the back of the truck and become a stranger in the middle of nowhere. He even turned off his phone, after fixing things with Robbie (kind of.)

And things really were good. That first night, they nicked into a gas station for snacks and cheap coffee. They listened to albums and talked and then went for a walk ‘round the campsite, just a short one, before falling asleep in the truck just like they talked about.

When the next morning came though, the pit in Nemo’s stomach had returned. His brain kept buzzing, telling him he was making a huge mistake. He was trying to ignore it though, because what was the alternative?

He and Tae were gonna go make smores– yeah, this early in the morning, why not?-- when Nemo’s choices caught up to him.

He spun around, eyes going wide. At first, his brain shortcircuited. How was Appa–? That didn’t make sense! There was no way he would even know that Nemo was gone!

Then, he saw Robbie lingering over his shoulder and everything clicked into place.

Nemo, at first, ignored Appa entirely as anger twisted his features. “You told him?!” Nemo shouted past Appa, staring at Robbie. “What the fuck, Robbie?!”

ROBBIE:

Robbie’s first instinct was to duck behind a tree as Marlin started casually strolling up to Nemo without a care in the world. Nemo wasn’t scary, obviously–Robbie loved him very much and he was so sweet and cute–but also he was a little scary and Robbie was actually sort of…impressed? Terrified? Of what Marlin was doing. It was probably all of the gnawing guilt making Robbie feel this way, honestly, and it was warranted.

Nemo proved this when he immediately turned toward Robbie with rage in his eyes and yelled.

And yes, there were definitely situations where Robbie would never betray Nemo like this, but this situation was a little bit different. Nemo was doing a very big thing right now–a very big thing that could potentially have very real consequences or spiral out of had very quickly if Nemo was left alone to overthink things–and telling Marlin was the right thing to do.

Unfortunately.

So, when Nemo yelled at him, Robbie didn’t cower or make himself smaller or let himself succumb to his guilt. Instead, with a sad look in his eyes (because hurting Nemo was never good or easy or something he was proud of), he just nodded. “I’m sorry Nemo, but he was so worried about you. We are both worried about you.”

NEMO:

Nemo wanted to shove Robbie.

He wanted to kick Robbie.

He wanted to use his wind to send a blast of damp leaves into his face.

All these cruel fantasies swirled in him as his fists curled, and the wind picked up and whipped at Nemo’s own hair. But just because Nemo wanted to do these things– punish his boyfriend for ratting him out, for ambushing him, for caring– that didn’t mean that it would make him feel good, or even get him out of the trouble he’d got himself into. No matter the size of the tantrum, he’d been caught. And so as quickly as the wind picked up, it died, the air stale and flat.

Nemo’s face flattened out too. He sent a glance toward Tae. “I’ll be back,” he mumbled.

Then he stalked past Appa. “We can talk over here,” he said.

He didn’t look at Robbie again.

MARLIN:

Mu-yeol followed after Nemo, his expression blank save for a concerned furrow of his brow.

“Nemo,” He began coolly. “Just one question. Can you even explain yourself?”

Or was he well and truly off the deep end, eh?

NEMO:

As Nemo walked away, he carried his anger with him. It was a hot and comforting thing– bigger and easier to deal with than Nemo’s pain, his guilt, his worry. But it was also as fragile and thin as a balloon. With just one sentence, Appa destroyed it.

Can you even explain yourself?

Nemo couldn’t.

And just like that– his anger collapsed in on itself into all the rest of those things, the things that Nemo had been running from. His face screwed up, and his lip trembled, and he knew that he’d disappointed Appa. He’d wasted the opportunities that Appa worked so hard to give him. He was ungrateful. He was a loser. He was stupid.

Nemo’s shoulders hunched over, his hands pressing over his face as he began to cry. “N-no,” he admitted. “No, I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”

He was talking about way more than just explaining himself. Right now, it felt like Nemo couldn’t do anything.

MARLIN:

Rightly or perhaps wrongly, he preferred this version of emotional Nemo to the red hot angry Nemo. Angry Nemo lashed out and left little room for getting to the root of an issue. When Nemo broke down like this he was honest and Marlin could actually figure out how to help him.

“Okay. Can you tell me anything about why you didn’t take your exams? And why didn’t you tell me uni was hard for you, eh?”

NEMO:

“I’m sorry,” Nemo said miserably, still crying and hunched, hiding his face from view. Appa standing there, talking to him so calmly, only told Nemo that his thoughts were right. Appa was disappointed in him. He had failed, miserably. This was shameful. He was nothing like–

“I’m sorry. Y-you worked so hard to help me afford everything and I didn’t want to disappoint you. I wanted to be like her, but I’m not. I’m not smart. I just– it’s so much– I can’t finish anything. I’m always behind everyone. I should be good at it. Everyone else can do it and isn’t like this.” Nemo rubbed his arm over his red, puffy face. “B-but I can’t and I–I dunno why.”

Why had Finn and Louie been fine? Why was Mim and Hunter and everyone else in his fellowship programme so smart? Why was it just Nemo who couldn’t finish the reading and who was so stressed and who couldn’t sleep and was in so much pain?

MARLIN:

“Hey, no, none of that. I don’t care if you finish uni or not, I only care that you do what you want to do regarding the issue. I never expected you to be like your eomma.” Mu-yeol said gently. “You wanted to go to uni so I worked to make it happen for you. It’s okay that you’re struggling to adjust but it’s not okay that you’re handling it by just running away.”

He always did this. Sometimes it was maybe the right decision, but this wasn’t one of those sometimes.

Then again, what had Mu-yeol done when faced with his guilt, his shame, and his fear? He fled Korea and came here. They weren’t so different.

“There’s no such thing as a smart person, Nam-min. There’s people who are very good at certain things, but there’s no smart people. Surgeons and rocket scientists are just as capable of being complete dickheads as anybody else outside of their fields. Your area of skill is in dance and science, maybe not other areas uni is making you tap into and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a stupid person.”

NEMO:

Appa talked very kindly– kinder than Nemo knew he deserved.

And it was this kindness that made him cry a little harder. Appa was probably right, because Appa was right about most things. Wasn’t that how kids always felt about their parents? It’s what made standing up to them so hard sometimes. And it made leaving them hard too. For this entire semester, Nemo had tried to do his best, to be an adult without Appa’s help, but the truth was he didn’t think he’d been ready.

“S-so what am I supposed to do?” Nemo asked– wanting desperately to be told the answer, for once. He’d really tried to figure it out himself, and he’d failed. Couldn’t Appa tell him the answer, just one more time?

MARLIN:

“Right. I think it’s very obvious you have three options. I doubt you’ll be allowed to make up your final exams, so one of these three things is going to happen and it’s up to you which feels right for you.” Mu-yeol said gently, reaching forward to pat Nemo’s hair.

“One. You retake all your classes next term. Full time student. You stay in the dorms or you can move home and I’ll pay the housing contract severance fee. You might lose your scholarship but it’s okay. I think I can afford it next semester. Two; you drop out and come home. We can try uni again if and when you’re ready. Three; I don’t think they’ll let you stay in the dorms if you stay in school but drop down to part-time, but, maybe they will? If so you can choose to come home or dorm, drop down to part-time hours, and if you lose your scholarship I’ll cover it.”

A beat.

“Also, you’re nineteen. I don’t expect you to have your life figured out or even know what’s going to be the right decision for you a month, six months, a year from now. But one of those options is the right one for you for the now. You have to pick which one, Nam-minnie, I won’t force you to leave or stay in school one way or the other. I presented you a middle ground of going part-time if neither staying nor leaving feels right. You don’t have to decide immediately either. Sooner is better. But you can think it over some.”

NEMO:

All three options stressed Nemo out.

He’d wanted to quit uni about 24 hours ago. He was just so exhausted, so exhausted that the only thing that appealed to him was what he’d done– gotten the fuck away from the campus, disappeared and become a nobody in some sparse campsite far far away. But of course, deep down, he knew it wasn’t what he really wanted. He wanted a break. He wanted help. He wanted a fresh chance. He wanted all of his professors to tell him he didn’t have to take the exams (this was super unrealistic).

If he dropped out, he’d never be a dancer, though. He knew that. A fairy like him needed the connections uni could bring. So he didn’t want to drop out.

Full time filled his brain with bees all over again, bringing back the panic so big, he could choke on it. Thinking about it made him wanna hop in Tae’s truck and drive even further away.

So– part time. Part time it felt like was the only actual option, even though he didn’t know what that meant or would look like, and if he had to leave the dorms– which was the only part of uni he’d really enjoyed so far– he’d be so disappointed.

“Okay,” Nemo uttered in a small, defeated voice. “I’ll…think about it, I guess.” For the first time, he glanced back up at Appa, his eyes still puffy, leaking tears. “I really am sorry,” he said one more time.

MARLIN:

“You have to communicate with me when you’re having a hard time. I can’t help you if I don’t know you need help,” Mu-yeol said gently, resting a hand on Nemo’s shoulder.

He sighed.

“Since I know you aren’t missing and are safe. Do you…want to come home? Or no?”

NEMO:

Confusion fluttered across Nemo’s face. The way this usually worked was– Appa took him home. It was that simple. Whether he had run away, gotten lost, or had to escape from his grandparents, Appa appearing always meant that Nemo had to get in a car or on a train and that was it. It could be comforting, in a way. No matter how nutty things got, Appa would arrive, and Nemo knew he’d be safe.

He’d never been given a choice before. Then again, he was 19 now.

It still, sort of, felt like a trap. He knew what the right answer was. If he went back now, he could maybe take one of his exams– his contemporary dance exam. Which was just a paper, but it was a paper he’d written the most of. Maybe he could finish it, or turn it in unfinished, and explain. It was weird– this had always been an option, Nemo knew that, but only with Appa here did things feel easier to think about. Was it always going to be that way? No matter how old Nemo got?

He still hesitated. “Home,” he said, after that beat. “..Tae needs to return the truck anyway.”

MARLIN:

He nodded slowly and held an arm open for Nemo to curl up to his side.

“Okay. Sounds good— and you tell me when you decide what we’re doing moving forward, okay?” Mu-yeol said, voice even as the calm spot in a river.

“You’re an adult now, this is the part of life where you make the decisions. I’m just here.”

NEMO:

But what if I don’t want to be?

Nemo didn’t say it outloud. He probably didn’t have to, as he accepted Appa’s hug. The entire time they’d been talking, he’d wanted one desperately. He’d wanted one, actually, since he’d gotten injured, but there was a voice in his head scolding him, telling him, You’re too old for that. Too old to ask for help, too old to rely on Appa, too old to miss him.

“I don’t feel like an adult,” Nemo confessed this, at least. “I dunno how to be one.”

MARLIN:

Mu-yeol smiled sadly and played with the hair at the nape of Nemo’s neck, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“I don’t either, kid.” He admitted. “I’ve been faking this whole adult thing for twenty-three years.”

Some years better than others.

“You’ll get there too, as you get older.”

NEMO:

Would he?

Nemo doubted it. He wasn’t even sure he believed Appa, who was always the biggest and most adult-like person in a room, at least to Nemo. He didn’t think that would ever change. Even when Appa was depressed, didn’t Nemo still expect him to know everything?

The future just felt like a complex problem that Nemo was never going to be smart enough to solve. That’s why he kept running from it. He had to stop though. If he ever wanted to get smarter – braver – more capable – to be anything like Appa.

After a few more flits in which Nemo lingered in Appa’s arms and sniffled and wiped at his cheeks, he finally pulled away. It was time to go, he knew that. He trudged back toward Tae and Robbie, and only when he glanced up from the wet grass did he see Robbie looking at him – he’d probably been watching Nemo the whole time.

Nemo’s face went red and he looked away. He probably should apologize to Robbie too, but he was too ashamed.

And so he walked past him again and went to Tae. “We gotta head back,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry for dragging you out here.”

TAE:

Tae immediately opened his arms and pulled Nemo in, turning so they were sort of hug-shuffling back to the truck. "Hey you didn't drag me anywhere I didn't want to be, okay? I love you."

#the baes #romo #namtae #para

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