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#ugh sorry just having A Day
wavesoutbeingtossed · 24 days
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some days the "fire off missiles because you hate yourself but do you know you're demolishing me" and "let all your damage damage me" and "I gave you all my best mes, my endless empathy" and "in the shade of how he was living" and "how much sad did you think I had in me?" just really fucking hit 😵‍💫🥴
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oatbugs · 1 month
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last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.
#she said it like a law. its just momentum.#also she told me to get a therapist and start archery ASAP bc i need to get it together#and also she said even granting that this person u were in love w was So Special . as in hot motorcycle-riding iranian masc lesbian in ldn#they arent the only one on earth and that once i start my proper adult life outside of studies etc etc i will probably no longer live in th#UK. she said most non straight iranians u would like have left the country anyway . where do you think they went? theyre out there#and also she asked me to imagine how many hot gay iranians there may be in italy or amsterdam or smth and i was like ok points 😭 maybe#ur right. anyway i was having a feeling of dread bc crying into the arms of ur strict asian mother while buzzed usually results in#death chaos destruction etc in the next few days but actually i think maybe she has genuinely changed as a person and the fear is#unwarranted#anyway i need to eat breakfast and study w the date person i met yesterday#they are so nice ??? genuinely so so sweet i dont feel attracted to them at all omg i genuinely think i have a thing for hot evil ppl 😭#but we could b besties . theyre a lot more romantic than the ex situationship person too like generally . ugh they should be perfect but#alas it appears i am shallow as fuck or potentially a lesbian actually#OH THEY MIGHT ALSO BE POTENTIALLY A LESBIAN BTW#i think i just tend to not date cis ppl entirely by accident#....feel free to rb if u want btw sorry for the rant
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darlingod · 5 months
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Cardan: *brings his ex back to live on the land and then exiles Jude who he married the night before & who just got back from enduring over a month of torture*
Cardan: *does not have any doubts that Jude could possibly misinterpret this situation*
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sentientsky · 5 months
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here, have a quick lil post-fall crowley/starmaker sketch before i collapse into bed
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waketoearth · 4 months
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20 POSTERS FOR JUNGWON'S 20TH !!!
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plulp · 7 months
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JORDAN PLEASE DONT WEAR SO MANY CLOTHES. PPLEQASE
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unopenablebox · 2 months
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i admit that i find it a little bit frustrating how Wildly Astonished other antizionist jews act when i tell them my israeli jewish family have lived in the region since [some unknown length of time before 1800 when there start being records about it]
#and then they're like ''ohhh they're mizrahi!'' [connotation nonwhite‚ virtuously indigenous]#and i have to be like. no. it's just that‚ as palestine was in fact ottoman-administered greater syria for most of the last 600 years‚#you could get there from other parts of the ottoman empire. such as the part of now-ukraine your ashkenazi family is also from.#it wasn't actually a hermetically sealed arab-only ethnostate that evaporated immigrants on sight. it was a pretty decent place to live as#a jew by at least some accounts. or better than the front of the hapsburg-ottoman war anyway which is where they were coming from.#i'm not sure who you think it's serving exactly to believe that there were literally no ashkenazim in the middle east before the 1st aliyah#however there were some. and this information does not actually threaten a modern anti-state of israel position like at all.#but since apparently you've constructed your new Diaspora-Centric Identity around the idea that 'palestine' and 'diaspora'#are the two mutually exclusive nonoverlapping regions and the former is ontologically a no-european-jews-allowed zone#i guess i can give you a minute to try to figure it out.#ugh sorry this is nothing it isn't anything. for one thing it's fantastically unimportant#and for another thing i don't know how to like talk about it in a way that doesn't make me sound at least kind of like im trying to justify#myself as being somehow less complicit or something. i mean i think my complicity as an american dwarfs the rest of it honestly but.#i just feel really insanely alienated where the rhetoric of my theoretically most closely politically aligned group is not really built to#like. accommodate the facts of my family history.#sorry. i have honestly no idea why im so obsessed with articulating this concept ive just been chewing on it pointlessly for days#box opener
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Heyyy, I'm gonna be turning off anon asks for a bit. I think one of my posts where I talk about how refreshing OFMD is for me as a poc got screenshotted or something and I'm just getting a lot of nasty asks about it and I just don't have time for that.
And I've just had a lot of people come into my askbox demanding to know what my race is since I just identify myself as "not White" or as a poc most of the time, and I thought this could maybe be a teachable moment. Some people have been using the fact that I speak Hebrew/Yiddish as my first languages to insist that I must ""really"" be White and dear lord if you think that I just want you to examine why you're so insistent that Jews have to be white.
I usually just identify myself as "not White" online because I'm mixed, several non-White races. My family is mostly Ethiopian Jewish. Most Ethiopian Jewish families like mine moved to Israel in the twentieth century, my family did in the 1950s and mostly later moved to the US but we still speak Hebrew. It is not fucking weird to be a Black guy who speaks Hebrew as a first language and the fact that some people think that is a big part of why I choose not to elaborate on my race in the first place.
Anyway. Just, like, if you feel the need to harrass some random poc on the Internet until they tell you their exact racial makeup you need to do some self-reflection about that because it is, first, none of your business, and also just a wildly racist thing to do to someone because they said they found a TV show to have great representation.
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fabaceous · 1 year
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was thinking about this post of jackie wearing shauna’s flannel after she finds out shauna slept with jeff. i was thinking about this and i was thinking about how jackie is so furious at shauna and feels so betrayed by her but still cant help but instinctively seek comfort in her. and even when jackie tries to shut shauna out and force herself to move on, it all still comes back to shauna anyway because why else would she look over her shoulder and make sure shauna sees her walk off with travis? the more jackie tries to make it not about shauna the more it IS about shauna (and of course the more shauna tries to make jeff not about jackie, the more it IS about jackie) and shauna is so deeply embedded in jackie that even after the ultimate betrayal jackie still cant help but reach for her, whether for comfort/familiarity (flannel) or to try to hurt her (by sleeping with travis) or even just to get her attention (again, sleeping with travis) but either way she’s still literally physically and emotionally incapable of not reaching for shauna. so anyway i was thinking about this and then it was making me soooo unwell so i decided to inflict it on all of you so you can think about it too
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readingwriter92 · 2 months
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I love when i have to fight off the Thoughts. Constantly.
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really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).
#storyrambles#it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance.#this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun#flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun#but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean#‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid#I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no.#‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask.#‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours.#‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works.#sorry for the rant im just. tired.#you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard#and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves?#yeah. that’s this friend here.#usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit#and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them#I am not going to play along.#UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’#I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me#it’s uncomfortable.#also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID#will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I?#(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.)#I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day.#‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’#first of all. that’s different?#secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves#also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so.#ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible.#but UGHHHHHH
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felizusnavidad · 5 months
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unpopular opinion but i really miss those days when it was all about the music in taylor swift fandom
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zhongrin · 22 days
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ugh i hate it so much when i speak and one sentence in my voice starts trembling and i can hear myself getting out of breath…… girl stop why are you so nervous…. i don't want to feel this way, but it's such an unconscious reaction, especially when i have to speak with multiple people whom i've never talked to face-to-face before….. and yes, this still happens even when i rehearse and write down a script to follow beforehand……
tldr; why can't i just be normal about speaking......... i hate this…............. (╥ᆺ╥;)
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it’s sad that a lot of people truly don’t realize how incredibly hard it is for Dazai to make the choice to do things the way he does now in his new lifestyle, every single day. Healing and changing your way of doing things to heal is incredibly hard; it is an active choice you are making at every moment, fighting uphill, because it doesn’t come naturally like it does for anyone who hasn’t been through trauma and/or is dealing with mental illness. It’s hard, and so many days it’d be easier to just give up and revert back to old habits. But Dazai almost never has, even when constantly surrounded by toxic influences that remind him of his old life, and he is so incredibly strong for that.
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secondstar-acorn · 11 days
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not to be angry on main but to the person who was very loudly complaining about "just for once" and started making fun of me for handing out bracelets in the queue for starkid. why the fuck were you there
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todayisafridaynight · 2 months
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tbh I really wanted the 3jimas to win that fight, to have Kiryu realize that his actions have consequences and that maaayybeee the people he keeps disappearing on to only reappear briefly to make demands of are finally sick of it and the rose tinted glasses of admiration have come off
no absolutely i really needed kiryu to just. //shakes him//
another thing i really wish we got from IW was daigo going off on kiryu- like he STARTED to but i needed that Y4 shit RIGHT NOW. if Y4 did anything right, it definitely helped broaden daigo's character in how having the chairman title pushed onto him was stressing him out and having him express this to kiryu was SO cathartic, even if daigo's words ultimately mean nothing to kiryu (or at the very least, kiryu did a bad job on understanding daigo's grievances and helping him afterwards)
it really is agitating that the jimas ended up going to the tower anyway too. i get that saejima and majima are kiryu's ex-colleagues and daigo's practically his son, and the fight was supposed to be a 'wake up call' for them. but it just diminishes the anger we saw from daigo in that first scene (and as if i have to say it, daigo becoming angry is a rare thing so that when it does happen its so jarring and it's meant to be serious) and it continues to excuse kiryu's general disregard for others if it means he gets what he wants.
its unfathomable to me that after nearly two decades of holding a position daigo didnt want for the sake of his idol, he finally gets to break away from it. and now his idol's just waltzing back into his life- after acting like he was dead for three years- asking for ANOTHER favor. and daigo's just supposed to accept it. if kiryu wasnt literally dying i just know he'd keep doing this until his last breath and no one would punish him for it because despite how many times he claims to understand daigo's woes, it's evident he doesn't care enough to leave him out of things
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