#undoing negative self worth

[notfitforconsumption]

Usually I think to myself "what did I do that I deserve such a loving and understanding partner?" Today I stopped myself with "have I done anything to deserve not having a loving and understanding partner?"

Don't we all deserve to be loved and understood?

[theriverbeyond]

spinning around in my head like a microwave how Harrow just spent her whole life wanting Gideon and specifically never really wanting anything from Gideon. like yeah she talked big about "duty to the Ninth" but at the end of the day she just. wanted Gideon. like i am pretty sure Gideon didn't even have a job. on the Ninth, so poor in its resources that one would assume that nothing would be wasted. but she was more or less free to run around with a sword staring mournfully at skeletal constructs reading pornographic comic books and generally having a none-to-negative impact on the Ninth House's operations.

how for Canaan House Harrow went through all the trouble of having Gideon trained with the rapier and brought her along only for her to not want Gideon to do anything!!! she was like YES you will train nonstop for 3 months and YES you will now sit silent in our joint rooms twiddling your thumbs. sir this is my emotional support Griddle. and Gideon was so bored and confused because she's a butch down to her service loving bones, but Harrow just wanted Gideon to stay safe and out of the way and stay hers. how when Gideon went and did it, sacrificed herself for Harrow, how of course Harrow didn’t want that, and of course she would then destroy herself in order to undo it. because Harrow never wanted Gideon's service or Gideon's sacrifice or anything else like that. she wanted Gideon.

and I am thinking about being butch and the specific ways our view of our self worth and value so often gets all tied up in what we can do for other people and how Harrow loves Gideon in a way that is totally outside of that framework. Harrow just wants to come home and for Gideon to be there. and Gideon just doesnt understand. because of course she doesn't. pain.

[ineeddarylbadly]

Insecurities

Daryl Dixon X gender neutral reader

first person POV

WARNING- female anatomy used (and she pronouns because merle’s a dick), mention of merle dixon :| and his dad:|, tooth rotting fluff, angst, cursing, mention of self-harm, scars, mentions of his past abuse, alcoholism/smoking, mental health, cockwarming, fingering, oral (giving and receiving) gentle sex, praise kink, talking through sex, encouragement, edging/overstimulation, squirting, creampie, consent(NOT A WARNING BUT THAT SHIT IS FUCKING HOT)

Word count- 8,475

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Exhausted, Daryl walks into the cabin, the floor creaking under his boots. He drops his bow on the floor walking to the bedroom. Sitting on his bed, removing his shoes before falling back on the poorly crafted bed, he lays there with his eyes closed, breathing slowly. He brings his hands up resting them over his face before slowly sitting up on the bed. He grunts softly into his hands, his eyes feeling heavy. He sighs, getting up removing his vest, throwing it over a chair in the corner of the room before unbuttoning his shirt, letting it fall down to the floor, sighing as the cold air touches his skin. He moves his hand down to his belt taking it off discarding it with his vest. He moves down to the button of his jeans undoing it, pulling them off his legs. He hums feeling much more comfortable. He walks over to his lamp turning it on before walking over to his dresser. On his way there he can’t help but to catch a glimpse of himself in his full-body mirror. He scans himself, feeling the negative thoughts wash over him already. He leans in closer looking into his eyes, his blue eyes looking devoid of life, the wrinkles around them really accentuating that. He looks at the scar crossing over his left eyebrow down to his cheek. The moonlight coming from the window, accentuating the few gray hairs on his head, and across his beard. He moves back grunting, looking at the rest of his body, he takes note that he’s putting on a bit of weight as he runs his hands over his stomach feeling ashamed, almost disgusted with himself. His eyes travel down to his legs remembering how toned they used to be, he grunts looking down at the floor. He starts to think about you and how much he wants to be perfect for you. He hates the thought of aging, it was something he could never get used to. He feels like one day he won’t be desirable to you anymore. Tears form in his eyes thinking about everything Merle has ever told him “She doesn’t care about ya baby brother” “She’ll never notice ya” “Give up” “A girl like tha will never love ya”. He always thought about you, it scared him, to be honest. He thought about you while on runs, whenever he found something he thought you’d like he’d try his best to push down the voices of Merle and his father in his head. He knew the look on your face after he brought you something you would like, it would be all worth it. Your smile was everything to him, he looked forward to seeing it everyday. It gave him a reason to keep going.

“Checking yourself out?”. My voice breaks him out of his thoughts. He turns around looking at me leaning up against the doorway.

“How long have you been there?”

“About 3 minutes.” I smile at him tilting my head to the side. He hums quietly, biting the inside of his lip looking down at the floor.

“What’s wrong darling?”

He looks back at the mirror feeling your eyes on him

“It’s stupid.” He grunts, shaking his head.

“Daryl…you know you can tell me anything.”

I walk closer to him. He takes a deep breath before speaking.

“Ya think’m still good looking?” He sighs looking at his tired eyes in the mirror.

“Of course I do.” I replied to him honestly, smiling softly at him. “How long have you been thinking about this?”

“I don’t know I just worry that one day you’ll find someone better, ma brother..the voices always tell me M’ not good enough..I’m aging faster than ya one day you’ll find someone better looking than me..someone who can treat ya better..y’know?” His voice gets softer as he looks back down at the floor.

“Daryl…” I walk to him grabbing his hand softly, his hand feels warm and dry.

“What.” He grunts softly.

“Well for starters..” I run my hands up his arms softly before resting them on his shoulders. I give them a soft squeeze as I turn his body towards the mirror standing behind him.

“I love your shoulders so much, They’re so big and broad.” I watch the corner of his lips form a small smile as I walk in front of him. I slowly move my hands down to his chest resting one of my hands over his heart. “I love your kind heart, you care so intensely about me and others. You’re always thinking about other people’s feelings, sometimes thinking about theirs before your own. You do so much to protect the people that you really care about.”

He looks deeply into my eyes feeling his anxiety melt away. I run my hands affectionately down his biceps “And these arms, they make me feel so safe and loved.”

His smile grows a little as I pepper him with compliments. I grabbed his hands softly, feeling how warm they were once again.

“Your hands, you know I appreciate how handy you are with your bike or your crossbow, I also love the way you touch me.. they always make me feel so loved.”

He hums intertwining his fingers with mine. He looks back up to the mirror, smiling at his reflection slightly, feeling a little bit better.

“and your stomach.” I continued slowly moving my hands to rest there. “I adore your stomach, know that? It’s comfortable to lay on and it’s perfect, you have the perfect body.”

“Ya really like that?” He said locking his eyes with yours

“I do..I love it very much.”

I place my hands by his sides, running my fingers gingerly over his thighs

“Your legs are so strong, I love sitting on them when you tell me about your childhood or when we are about to make love” he opens his mouth to speak but his words get caught in his throat as I move my hands to the top of his boxers running my fingers under the waistband teasingly.

“Speaking of which...I’m sure every time we’ve made love tells you how much I love this..”

His smile gets wider as he feels his face warm up from your statement. Confidence fills him slightly, knowing that he can still make you feel good in bed.

“God and don’t even get me started on how insanely handsome you are.”

I shift my attention to his face, bringing my hands up to caress his cheeks

He melts into my hands, feeling his body become weak.

I rake my eyes over his intoxicating features before speaking again.

“Your eyes are so beautiful, they make me feel like I'm drowning in the most beautiful ocean. I honestly forget what I’m going to say half the time when I look into them.”

He moves closer to you, resting one of his hands gently on your lower back.

“God, don’t do that…not now.” I chuckled softly

He laughs quietly watching my face turn a light shade of pink.

I run my finger over his nose bridge.

“Your nose makes you look like one of those Greek statues, it fits you so perfectly.”

I run my thumb over his bottom lip, resting the rest of my fingers on his lower jaw.

“And your lips, they’re so pretty like they were made to kiss me..when you say you love me unconditionally it’s always so sincere and when you smile my heart swells with so much love.”

“And this.” I run my fingers through his soft white and black beard

“This is my favorite thing to feel when we kiss.”

The air around him feels thick with love as you flood him with compliments.

“Really?” he says, looking down at you lovingly, slowly moving his hand up and down your back.

“Yeah.” I whisper to him, gently moving my finger to play with the tips of his hair.

“And your hair..it’s so pretty for a man like you...I love playing with it...”

He flashes his signature Daryl smirk looking into your eyes glossed over with enamor.

I take notice of the wrinkles that form around his eyes as he does this.

“And when you smile at me, your wrinkles make your eyes smile..I think that’s so beautiful.”

“I’ll make sure to smile for ya more often” He laughs quietly.

“Your laugh fills me with so much love Daryl..you don’t understand.”

He moves his hand up to play with your hair.

“I’ll spend as long as I can tryin too.”

I relax into his touch moving my hand from his hair to caress his face again grazing my thumb over his mole.

“I’m so jealous that this mole gets to follow you everywhere you go.”

He laughs softly at your silly comment.

“I’m serious Daryl..I love everything about you from the gray hairs on your head to your toes..and I will spend the rest of my life making sure you understand that.”

I feel tears well up in my eyes.

“Daryl Dixon you mean so much to me and don’t let any person or any of the voices in your head tell you any differently okay..?”

He smiles at his reflection in the mirror before looking down at me again, as he brings his hands down to caress my face.

“Don’t cry..come er.”

He pulls me in for a hug

I immediately relax into his arms feeling how warm he is, his heartbeat pounding rhythmically against my ear. I close my eyes as I feel him start to run his hands through my hair, after a few seconds he grabs my face to look at me again.

“Sunshine...I promise ya I’ll get better about how I feel ‘bout myself..it’s just so hard y’know how I grew up….. ’m sorry.”

I bring my hand up to caress his face again.

“I understand darling.”

I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me.

“Never apologize for something you have no control over.”

He smiles again, his eyes glimmered in the soft moonlight that coated the room. He leans in closer to me running his thumb over my bottom lip.

“I can’t believe how incredibly lucky I am to have someone like ya and I’d love to grow old with ya for as long as you’ll let me.”

I look into his eyes, my heart feeling so overwhelmed with love that it feels like it’s about to burst.

“Of course I would, gray hairs and wrinkles and all. I would love to grow old with you. Even covered in blood and dirt I still think you are the most beautiful man in the world”

We both laugh quietly.

He leans in finally capturing my lips. I wrap my arms tightly around his neck playing with the ends of his hair. I feel him smile against my lips as I do this, his hands move down to my lower back as he deepens the kiss. I hum softly into his mouth. He pulls away tucking a few loose strands of hair behind my ear while looking deeply into my eyes.

“I love you so much sunshine,” he whispers against my lips

“I love you too.”

He smiles, wrapping his strong arms around me again, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head before pulling away.

“It has been a long day for you big guy, let's shower and get ready for bed.”

I smile sweetly at him.

“Yes ma’am.”

He grabs my hand walking to the bathroom.

We make it to the bathroom, closing the door behind us. I walk up to the shower, turning it on and waiting for the water to get warm. I feel him wrap his arms around my waist before he pulls my shirt over my head. I lean back against his chest as he unhooks my bra letting it fall to the floor. I turn around and sit down on the side of the tub as he wraps his fingers around the waistband of my sweatpants pulling them down.

I stand up playing with the waistband of his boxers before pulling them down. I hear him sigh comfortably as I feel his fingers move affectionately down my hips. He plays with the waistband of my underwear. He smiles down at me before he pulls them off, throwing them somewhere in the bathroom. I grab his hand guiding him into the shower. His body becomes enveloped in the warm water. His muscles immediately start to relax. I start to run my fingers through his hair. He smiles at me, grabbing one of my hands, kissing it gently before placing it back on his head. I smile at him, grabbing the shampoo and squeezing some into the palm of my hands. I rub my hands together before placing my hands back on his head, massaging his scalp.

He leans into my touch humming at the sensation, closing his eyes. I watch his movements lovingly as I wash his hair admiring how pretty and wavy his hair is wet. I lean his head back, washing the shampoo out. I watch how the water runs down his features. He brings his head forwards, looking down at me again. Air gets trapped in my lungs as his cerulean eyes set my heart on fire. I admire his gorgeous features before moving my hand up to move a few strands of hair out of his face. He grabs my hips moving me towards the water. The warm water causing me to sigh comfortably. I feel his fingers make small circles on my hips before he moves them up to my hair, brushing my hair out with his fingers.

I watch him grab the shampoo bottle, squeezing some into his hands, rubbing it in before running his fingers through my hair. I relax as I feel his hands cradle my head tenderly, massaging my scalp. I wrap my arms around his neck, closing my eyes, relishing in his touch. He smiles watching me enjoy myself. He admires how beautiful I look standing before him. He becomes so lost looking at me, that he almost forgets what he’s doing. He continues to massage my scalp. He leans my head back and helps me wash my hair out. I look back up at him smiling as I move my hand up to his cheek, wiping some shampoo that managed to get there.

I lean in kissing him on the cheek, feeling his arms wrap around my waist. He turns me around, my back now facing him. He grabs the bar of soap rubbing it between his hands before placing his hands on my shoulders massaging them. I lean back into his chest as I feel him bring his head down to the crook of my neck placing gentle kisses across my skin. He kisses my earlobe before speaking up.

“You’re so beautiful sunshine.”

“Thank you.” I muttered faintly

I feel his hands start to move down to my lower back as he continues to litter my neck and shoulders with kisses

“Turn around.”

I feel his warm breath against my ear as he speaks lowly. I turn around facing him, watching him grab the soap again, rubbing it between his hands before he drops to his knees in front of me. He grabs one of my legs placing it on his shoulder and he starts to massage my leg.

I run my hand through his hair looking down at him in adoration. He watches the soapy water run down my leg before he places a chaste kiss on my inner thigh. I feel his hands move down to my foot massaging it, he hears me sigh in contentment.

“Feel good?”

“Mmm.” I hum in response.

He repeats all the same steps with my other leg before slowly getting up, as he does this his knees crack and buckle a bit. I help him up, giggling to myself.

“See I am gettin’ old.” he chuckles, a slight pout forming across his lips.

I lean in kissing the corner of his lips, his facial expression changing from a pout to a sweet smile. A pink tint spreading across his cheeks.

“You’re so cute.” I state, watching his face change.

His signature Daryl smirk emerges again, his deep eyes filling my heart with love. He grunts nodding.

“Turn around sweetheart.” I say softly.

He turns around his back facing me. I rake my eyes over his broad shoulders and muscled back, looking at his many big scars, remembering everything he told me about his dad. I hated that man, I never understood how he could do such a thing to a kid, and I resented Merle for leaving Daryl in that place allowing their dad to beat him bloody on the daily, often cutting him with his hunting knives. I grab the soap, rubbing it between my hands trying to ignore the tears forming in my eyes.

“Can I?” my voice shaking slightly as I speak

“Yeah.” he says faintly urging me to continue

I place my hands on his shoulders running them down his back wishing I could wash all of his past away. His body softens to my touch. I remember years ago how he would’ve never let me do this feeling too ashamed of his scars. Tears started to well up, threatening to fall from my eyes, but I blinked them away wanting to be strong for him. His dad was a smoker, an alcoholic prick and I knew he didn’t deserve my tears. That thought however didn’t stop when I moved my hands from his back to his arms noticing his cigarette burns remembering how those were self-inflicted. I blink, tears mixing with the water already on my face. The last time I caught him doing that we stayed up all night crying and talking. I hated how much he hurt on a daily basis and how he felt as though he was constantly carrying the world on his shoulders, just for it to crush him over and over again. As if hearing my thoughts he turns around facing me again.

“You okay sunshine?” His voice laced with worry

“Yeah..just thinking.” I speak in a hushed whisper, my voice shaking.

“You don’t have to lie to me y’know.” he moves his hands to my face when he notices my glossy slightly red eyes, cradling my cheeks lovingly.

“I’m okay as long as you’re here with me.”

His words pulled at my heartstrings, his statement replaying in my head hundreds of times feeling more genuine every time.

He leans down kissing me softly pulling away grazing his thumb over my lips.

“I fucking hate your dad.” I look at him smiling, feeling a bit better after this kiss. He looks at me snickering quietly, a weak smile spreading across his lips.

“I know.”

I look at him before dropping to my knees as he watches my movements with glittery eyes. I grab the soap, rubbing it between my hands. I wash both of his legs for a bit.

I slowly get up wrapping my arms around his neck. I feel his hands rest on my hips affectionately as he pulls me in for a surprise kiss.

He pulls away flashing me that smirk of his that I love so much.

“Don’t look at me like that.” I smile shyly at him rubbing soap down his chest.

He looks at me, feeling a little cocky that he can make me feel so shy just by a simple gesture.

“Whatda you mean.” he asks pulling me closer to his chest, trying to play stupid.

“Are you..Daryl Dixon..trying to flirt with me?” I gasp, giggling a bit, my hand moving to my mouth in sarcastic shock.

“N’what if I was.” he states boldly, his voice getting husky. He gathers some soap in his hands running his hands up and down my sides soothingly. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck playing with his hair. His breathing becomes heavy, feeling how close our bodies are. I reach up, planting a soft kiss on his cheek before trailing more kisses down his neck softly.

“Mmm.” he grunts softly “what are ya doin?” he mutters, feeling weak as I work my lips against his neck tenderly.

His strong hands grip my hips as he feels his knees start to buckle.

“Mmm sunshine wait.” he grunts again

I pull my lips away from his neck

“Is everything okay?” I look up at him, his face is red and his eyes are filled with love and desire.

“Yeah, M’fine just..love ya..y’know?”

“I love you too.” I whisper, pressing my forehead against his.

He leans down, capturing my lips with his once again pulling me close to him. I feel his cock start to grow against my stomach. I moan softly, pushing my hips into him. He pulls away hastily, backing up a little.

“M’sorry.” he whispers looking down at the shower floor, anxiety building in his chest.

“For what?” I rest my hand on his chest.

“M’didn’t ask if ya wanted ta”

I move two fingers to his chin lifting his head up to look at me.

“Daryl..it’s okay...I belong to you..you can do whatever you want to me.”

He smiles at me before kissing my lips tenderly, moving his hands back down to my hips, pulling me close again, my stomach grazing his cock gently.

He grunts, allowing his hands to fall over my ass comfortably. I moan quietly into his mouth as he turns us around pushing my back against the wall of the shower gently. I run my hands through his hair, deepening the kiss, feeling his hands move back to my hips. I moan quietly again as he starts grinding his hips into me. He abruptly pulls away from the kiss to turn the water off before taking me into his arms and walking out of the shower. I make a mental note of how sexy his arms look flexed when he picks me up. He places me on the bathroom counter. I yelp quietly, feeling the cold tile against my skin. He looks deeply into my eyes, his hands still gripping my hips tightly, his forehead pressed against mine.

“Can I?” he runs his hands down my thighs, his warm breath tickles my nose as his low voice makes my stomach do backflips.

“Yeah.” my voice shakes a bit as the air in the bathroom becomes hot and thick. He places a soft kiss to my lips before trailing them down my neck and chest. I run my hands through his hair cherishing his touch as he places slow and soft kisses across my chest. He trails them down my stomach, looking at me before he drops to his knees. He throws one of my legs over his shoulder looking at me before spoiling my inner thighs with sweet kisses. I continued to run my hands through his hair, looking down at him. Something about a man as manly as Daryl Dixon on his knees is strange but fitting. I grip his luscious brown hair feeling him move closer to my pussy, I throw my head back moaning under my breath. He lifts his head looking up at me.

“So beautiful..” his breath on my pussy sent shivers up my spine. He places a kiss on top of my pussy before parting his lips allowing his tongue to caress my slit lovingly. I moan gripping his hair tighter, he grunts in satisfaction. The vibrations causing me to throw my head back. I feel him smile against my pussy before taking my clit into his mouth. I wrap my calf around his neck pulling him further into my pussy. He grabs my hips holding them firmly as his lips and tongue make all my nerve endings feel like they’re on fire, causing my legs to shake.

“Mmm..fuck….Daryl..hold on..” my voice trembling

He looks up, his lips covered in me.

“Mmm..ya okay?” he licks his lips, my heart drops “god he’s everything.” I think to myself. I run my hands through his hair.

“Yeah..I’m fine my love.”

He places a gentle kiss on my inner thigh before getting up, becoming eye level with me again. Standing between my legs, his hands still placed on my hips firmly. He leans his forehead against mine.

“Ya sure?” His voice is husky and sweet, filled to the brim with love.

“Mmm.” I manage to hum out through my shaky breath, I clear my throat. “I’m okay I promise.” I bring my hand up to his face.

He leans in kissing me softly, barely touching my lips. He pulls away, bringing his hand to my face.

“I love you so much sunshine.” I nuzzle my cheek into his hand

“I love you too.”

He leans in kissing me deeply, bringing his other hand back down to my hip pulling me closer to him. I wrap my legs around him, bringing my arms around his neck. He picks me up swiftly holding me close in his muscular arms. I yelp quietly.

“I ain’t gonna drop ya sweetheart..I got ya.”

I lean in kissing him deeply, catching him by surprise. He smiles, kissing me back as he walks towards the bathroom door grunting as he opens it, walking us into our shared bedroom. He lays me on the bed gently crawling on top of me, using one of his arms to prop himself up.

He leans down kissing me tenderly, moving his hand down my waist. I shiver as his fingers walk along my skin affectionately.

He pulls away, I groan as his warmth leaves me.

“Mmm.” he smiles at me teasingly.

“Daryl..” I moan quietly feeling his hand back on my waist and his lips nibbling at my ear.

“Y’okay sunshine” I feel him breathe against my ear.

“Mmmm..yeah…”

I feel his lips trail down my neck softly, I relax further into the pillow as I feel his lips work down my chest. He looks at me before taking one of my nipples into his mouth.

“Fuck.” My breathing gets heavier.

“Ya like that” He whispers, still messing with my nipples.

“Mmm.” I nod forcing my lips shut.

He moves his kisses down to my stomach, I feel both of his hands moving to my thighs, spreading them apart. He looks up at me again before placing a tender kiss on the top of my pussy.

I move my hands gripping onto his hair, running my hands through it.

I feel his lips and tongue caress my slit before moving to my clit, sucking on it gently.

“Mmmm fuck.”

I feel him smile against my pussy as I moan, gripping his hair tighter.

He moves away from my pussy and moves back up to my face. I feel one of his hands move down to my pussy, his fingers parting my lips, playing with my clit slowly.

“Mmm….fuck..Daryl…shit..” I moan, my legs twitching.

He smiles watching how good he is making me feel.

“Can I?” he whispers, his voice husky but filled with love and care.

“Yeah..” I nod back at him

He pushes his finger in, watching my face carefully. He kisses me again moving his finger in me gently.

“Yer so beautiful.” he places a soft kiss on my neck, picking up the pace a bit.

He moves his face back down unexpectedly to my pussy, sucking on my clit again.

I throw my head back gripping his hair.

“Oh fuck.” I curse already feeling close.

He adds another finger hearing how good I feel, wanting me to feel more. I watch how his muscles flex as he fingers me, making me more wet.

“Shit.” I curse again feeling his fingers stretch me open.

He continues to suck on my clit moving his fingers in and out of me rhythmically at an agonizingly slow pace.

“Fuck….shit..you’re doing so good.” He smiles slightly as my legs buckle and tremble more, feeling him curl his fingers in me, hitting my g-spot while working his tongue and lips on my clit. My thighs squeeze his head as I grip onto his hair harder.

“Baby I’m so close” I grind my hips against his face.

He parts my thighs moving out of them, I groan frustrated.

“Daryl..” I frown, wrapping my arms around his neck trying to pull him in for a kiss. He complies, kissing me tenderly, tasting me on his lips.

He picks me up again, leaning against the headboard, I settle myself comfortably on his lap, his hands resting on my hips massaging them gently, I smile looking at him.

“What.” he mutters looking at me in adoration,

I run my fingers through his hair.

“You’re so perfect.” I kiss his nose

I pull back watching his eyes soften.

“Mmm” he grunts, nodding his head.

“I’m serious..you’re perfect.”

I lean in kissing him softly wrapping my arms around his neck. He brings one of his hands up, caressing my cheek, I pull away.

“Everything about you is perfect.”

He grunts, chuckling a little before I kiss his cheek trailing the kisses to his jaw, his soft white beard tickling my nose. He tilts his head back allowing me more access to his jaw and neck before sighing quietly. I continue to plant kisses along his neck and chest before moving them to his stomach making sure to kiss every scar on my way down before stopping at his pelvic bone.

“Can I keep going?” I ask him, looking up at him from between his legs.

He licks his lips, nodding his head.

“Mmmh.” He purrs lowly.

I start placing gentle kisses at the base of his cock slowly moving up. I lock eyes with him as I kiss the tip of his cock before taking the tip into my mouth.

“Fuck.” he curses silently under his breath.

I tease the head of his cock slowly with my tongue feeling him grow harder in my mouth.

“Mmmm.” he moans, grabbing my hand.

I take more of his cock into my mouth, wrapping my hand around the base of it. I slowly start to bob my head up and down watching his reactions attentively. He grunts, taking his free hand running it through my hair lovingly before bringing his hand down to hold mine.

“You’re doing so good sunshine.” His praise causing my pussy to ache.

I pick up the pace a bit causing him to throw his head back grabbing my hand harder. I move my head off of him, licking the tip of his cock before taking him into my mouth again.

“Fuck..” he moans reaching his hand to move my hair out of my face caressing my cheek tenderly.

I take his cock out of my mouth again looking at him while placing a kiss on the tip.

“Fuck don’t look at me like tha..”

I smile at him teasingly, taking his cock deeply into my mouth grabbing his thighs. He grunts as his cock hits the back of my throat.

“Oh..fuck.” he moans, continuing to caress my cheek watching me work my mouth up and down his cock

“Yer doin' so well Darlin keep going.”

I bob my head feeling him twitch slightly in my mouth. I feel him start to buck his hips upwards and his grip on my hand gets tighter. I take him out of my mouth slowly watching him sigh heavily, his body shaking a bit.

“Mmm shit.” he laughs softly, trying to catch his breath

“C’mere” his voice is gentle but demanding and teasing.

I crawl up sitting back down on his lap, my ass rubbing against cock as I get comfortable.

I wrap my arms around his neck as he wraps his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him.

“I love ya so much sunshine.” he leans in kissing me tenderly, I relax into the kiss parting my lips allowing his tongue to slip in. His tongue caresses mine softly as his hands hold my hips in place. I purr into the sensation. He pulls away looking at me.

“Ya okay?” he runs his hands up and down my back

“Yeah.” I lean in kissing him deeply again.

He moves his hands down, settling them on my ass. I moan softly as I start to slowly grind on his lap. I trail kisses down his jaw. His grip on my ass tightens as I hear him sigh in my ear. I feel his hand move down in between us, he grabs his cock moving it towards his stomach allowing me to grind on it. I moan feeling the veins of his cock rub my slit. He starts to pepper my jaw and neck with kisses as I bring my hands up to cradle his face. He looks at me with heavy lids.

“Yer so…fuck.” he curses quietly reaching a hand up to caress my face soothingly.

I moan, looking down watching myself grind back and forth on his cock covering him in my juices. He watches me closely, his hands grabbing my hips helping me move against him. I feel his cock twitch against my pussy as I quicken my pace a little.

“Mmmm sunshine..” His voice grows raspy, as his grip on my hips tighten, I rest my hands on his shoulders watching his cock start to leak a bit as I continue to move my hips.

He abruptly holds my hips in place causing me to look at him. He leans into my neck, his breath tickling my ear.

“Can I?” His voice is low and seductive as he reaches his hand down grabbing his cock firmly rubbing it over my clit before lining himself up with my pussy. “Fuck you?” His voice has a hint of desperation to it.

“Yeah.”

He takes his free hand caressing my face before pulling me in for a tender kiss. I feel the tip of his cock glide smoothly across my desperate aching slit causing me to moan softly in his mouth.

“So perfect.” he murmurs, his complement causing me to moan and shiver slightly. “His voice will always do it for me” I think to myself.

“Ready?” he looks at me questioning breathlessly.

I nod my head. He grabs my hips and starts guiding me down slowly onto the tip of his cock. We both sigh in unison.

“So good sunshine..”

I moan, the familiar feeling of his cock stretching me open slowly. I wrap my arms around his neck as the intensity of the stretch heightens, a few strained moans slip from my lips.

“Shh it’s okay..” his voice is sweet and soft as he rubs my hips gently. “Ya okay?”

“Yeah.” I run my hands through his hair affectionately as he continues to guide me slowly down his cock.

“Yer doin' so well sunshine.” he rasped out

While still rubbing gentle circles on my hips, he kisses my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw and then my neck. I moan leaning my head to the side, giving him more access to my neck. I try moving down on his cock further, He holds my hips preventing me.

“Ya have no need ta rush sunshine…” I run my hands through his hair tugging on it a bit. He moans into my neck, his grip tightening at my waist.

“You feel so good..” I sigh

He grunts softly as my ass finally becomes flush with his lap. He breathes heavily in my ear as a loud moan leaves my lips as he bottoms out.

“Oh god..” my voice is shrill as tears brim my eyes.

He kisses my cheek bringing one of his hands up to wipe them away before holding my hip again.

“Shhh..” he runs his hand up and down my waist soothing me as I adjust.

“God. Ya feel so good.” He whispers. His calloused fingertips dancing along my waist.

“Ya take me so well.” His voice is husky and soft, causing me to tighten around him slightly. He hisses before he kisses my forehead, trailing them down my nose before placing a tender kiss on my lips, distracting me as his rough fingertips start rubbing small gentle circles on my clit.

“Oh fuck..” I grip his hair dipping my head in the crook of his neck moaning desperately. I lift my hips slightly, my whole body shaking as I slowly move back down again. I hear him grunt as I try to repeat that action when he grips my hips holding me in place.

“Mmmm I wanna stay like this for a bit.” He grunts, holding me firmly.

He brings one of his hands up to my face, bringing me in and kissing me passionately. His tongue grazes my bottom lip. I allow him in, deepening the kiss. The movement of his rough fingers continue on my clit as I fight back the agonizing urge to start moving my hips. He pulls away looking at me.

“Yer doin' so..” his breath hitches as my lips attach to his neck, kissing and sucking on his burning skin “fuck..” his deep whimper causing my hips to involuntarily buck upwards causing his cock to twitch deep within me.

“Sunshine..” his grip on my hips tightens as he looks at me through heavy-lidded eyes. “Don’t..” his voice deepens further.

I nod my head desperately, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. He brings two fingers, resting them on my lips, I kiss his fingers before I part my lips, and my tongue dances along his fingertips.

“Mmm” he grunts in approval as other hand continuously massages my hip affectionately. He brings his wet fingers back down to my swollen clit, I moan as his finger makes contact with me again. I pull his hair as his fingers move slowly over my clit overstimulating me beyond belief.

“Daryl…” I tug on his hair trying desperately to withhold moving my hips. I pull him in for a heated kiss as he applies more pressure to my sensitive clit.

“So fuckin good..” he whispers against my lips, my pussy aches at his words.

“I love ya so much sunshine..” he kisses my lips softly.

“I love you too” I wipe a few beads of sweat glistening on his forehead before running my hands through his hair lovingly. He holds my hips firmly.

“Ya ready?” His voice is deep and unsteady.

“Mmmhh yeahh.” I hold his face softly in my hands.

He lifts my hips about a quarter up his cock, The feeling is more than overwhelming. He grunts watching my face contort in pure bliss as strings of moans spill from our lips as he lowers me down slowly. When my ass becomes flush with his lap again my legs shake.

“Ya okay?” He caresses my cheek, tucking some hair behind my ear.

“Yeah” I start to slowly circle my hips around his cock.

“So..good..” he whispers as he runs his hands up and down my back.

I continue my movements, alternating between circling my hips and moving back and forth. His cock rubbing my walls lovingly. I slowly lift my hips looking at him as I run my hands through his hair before moving back down. He hisses, and I continue doing that at an agonizingly slow pace, moans leaving my lips.

He looks up at me, grabbing my waist helping me move on him. I place my hands on his shoulders to stabilize myself, moaning softly.

“Shhh Atta’ girl” he whispers, his cock twitching as his hands caress my waist soothingly. His words of encouragement causing me to tighten around him again.

“Ya like that” his voice is teasing “Yeah…” I mutter out weakly, as he guides my hips up and down matching his pace with mine. It's excruciatingly slow. I tug his hair pressing my forehead to his as he continues to guide my hips.

“Mm I love ya so much.” his voice sounding out of breath as I clenched around him tightly.

“I love you too.” I wrap my arms tightly around his neck as his hips jolt upwards, sending his cock deep within me. I bury my head in his shoulder as he places tender kisses along my neck and shoulders as we move in sync. I lift my head up looking at him, he meets my gaze, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist and hugging me close as he places kisses along my chest before taking one of my nipples in his mouth and sucking lightly, quickening the pace of his hips.

“God, you feel so good darling.” I completely fall apart to his touch while moaning constant words of encouragement. He smiles against my sensitive nipple, grabbing my hips and moving me against him faster. He moves away from my chest looking at me again, leaning back against the headboard.

“Do what ya wanna do sunshine”

I smile leaning in kissing him softly, he hums contently into my mouth. I remember the first time he let me have control over him intimately. It was a big step for him. He always felt like he had to have control over everything and anything, so he wouldn’t get hurt. He felt as though he would die if he was ever caught with his guard down. The first time he let me do this is when I knew he trusted me with his soul. He could put his faith in me for anything. He was willing to be vulnerable around me, around anyone for the first time.

I pull away from the kiss, placing my hands on his chest as I start to move my hips up and down. He closes his eyes, groaning. I keep a steady pace bouncing up and down and gripping onto his chest to hold myself up as I feel my legs become weak. He lazily grabs my hips, biting the inside of his bottom lip.

“Yer so beautiful” he groans, his hand moving up to caress my breast. I continue to bounce up and down swirling my hips occasionally watching my juices pool around the base of his cock and pelvis. His hands move down my back before settling on my ass. I continue my steady pace bouncing slightly faster as I feel him grab my ass firmly.

“Doin' so good..” he grunts, leaning forward wrapping his arms around me. I fall into him as he starts moving in me again unexpectedly.

“Oh..fuck..” moans and soft whimpers fall from my lips as he holds me up flipping us over, my back hitting the soft comforter. He kisses me lovingly before he moves his hand down, his rough thumb rubbing my clit gently, sending waves of pleasure throughout my body causing me to shiver. He captures my lips hungrily, swallowing my moans.

His hand moves away from my clit curling around my waist lifting me off the mattress. Arching my back, the new angle lends his hips becoming pressed tightly with mine, his cock in as far as it can go. My thighs tremble on their own accord, as he pressed his forehead to mine looking down at me with glossy eyes. He inhales sharply as I clench around him, dipping his head in the crook of my neck.

“Gonna make it hard fer me ta last.. huh?” He groans huskily in my ear, the end of his statement coming out as more of a whimper. I moan, biting my lip slightly, wrapping my legs tightly around his waist. My hands gripping the nape of his neck tightly as he pulls out abruptly and pushes back into me again. I yelp in surprise.

“Oh god…” my body spasms as he holds my body close to his, burying his face in my hair.

“Feels so good…” he groans, lightly biting at the shell of my ear.

I start moving my hips against his holding the back of his neck for support. His breath hitches getting caught in his throat. We match our movements holding each other close, sweat forming causing our bodies to stick together. He captures my neck in hot feverish kisses before moving back up to my lips using one hand to caress my face gently, his other hand resting on my hip holding me in place as he makes love to me assisting our movements. His head falls into the crook of my neck, his soft grunts reverberating throughout my entire body. I feel them more than hear them. I grab his face, pulling him up to my lips again, kissing him deeply. One of his hands travels from my hip to my thigh lifting it up a bit. The new angle causing me to moan loudly, biting my lip slightly.

“Oh god…” his cock grazes my g-spot ever so slightly just enough for my body to twitch in his arms. He holds me tighter against him and he kisses me deeply again. The open mouthed kiss only heightening the intimacy shared between us. He pulls away briefly looking down at me, his bangs in his face.

“You okay?” I always admired how he checked up on me while we made love, making sure I was okay every step of the way, never wanting to hurt me or make me uncomfortable.

“Yeah…” my answer coming out breathy and quiet, he leans down capturing my lips for more opened mouthed kisses. I wrap my arms tightly around his shoulders, his hand still holding my thigh, his other hand coming up to cradle my head lovingly, his cock continuing to caress every sweet spot within me, making sure to graze by my g-spot repeatedly. The room only being filled with the obscene wet noises between our bodies, our shared sounds of ecstasy, the moonlight cascading across the room illuminating our unabashed need for each other. He continues to rock my hips kissing me and nipping at my lips, intertwining his tongue with mine taking my breath away.

“Baby…” I hold his face “so good…”

“Yeah?..” his soft grunts and whimpers against my lips getting more frequent. He moves his hand holding my thigh down to my stomach, his thumb rubbing circles over my clit, the rest of his hand over my stomach applying light pressure, his tip hitting my g-spot just enough to bring me to the brink of finishing. My hands moving frantically across parts of his body desperately trying to hold onto him. My hands settle in his hair massaging his scalp, overwhelming tears brimming my eyes.

“Gonna…cu” My breathing hitches, my legs trembling as I tug at his hair.

“I got you sunshine..gonna make ya cum first.. real good mmm” his southern drawl getting more desperate. He applies more pressure on my clit burying his cock to the hilt, my g-spot overstimulated beyond belief, my clit swollen, my walls tightening around him, beckoning his own release. He closes his eyes briefly to hold back before looking back at my face, pressing his forehead to mine, and cradling my head petting my hair lovingly.

“I love you so much sunshine” his voice faltering and deep barely above a whisper as he holds back his release.

“I love you too…” I’m barely able to mutter out the words, my voice hoarse and throat dry. His thumb working on my clit, the rest of his hand applying the most perfect amount of pressure on my lower stomach, his cock constantly kissing my g-spot. My stomach heats up. I know I’m not gonna last much longer, his cock twitching in me and his soft grunts getting louder letting me know he’s not far behind.

“I…” my jaw falls slack, my eyes rolling back as I moan loudly.

“Mmm cum..ugh..now…”

His deep southern drawl bringing me over the edge, his pressure on my stomach and clit never letting up as he continues to make love to me, all of the built-up burning fervor causing me to squirt coating his cock, pelvis, and the sheets under us.

“Fuck..” his body shakes as he holds my limp body close coaxing me through my intense orgasm.

“Mm..you okay?..” I nod, not being able to speak as he continues to move in me, chasing his own impending release.

“So good..fuck..” he continues to murmur praises moving both of his hands up to cradle my face, his thumbs rubbing my cheeks.

“Feel so fucking good..gonna...” his voice ringing in my ears his forehead still pressed to mine. My eyes finally opened locking eyes with him, bringing him over the edge. My pussy clenches around him, he grunts my name loudly spilling his love deep inside me. A long drawl of curses spill from his lips as my walls and whole body hug him through his release. Time feels like it stops as our movement slows down to a complete stop. We lay there basking in the afterglow of the intense exchange, lovingly caressing each other’s bodies. One of his hands remained on my face brushing a few strands of hair out of the way and sweat in the process, his other hand moving down to caress slow soothing circles on my hip. My arms fall from around his shoulders to his upper arms, rubbing them tenderly before moving back up to his shoulders and upper back, massaging it softly. I wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers running through his scalp, feeling his whole body go soft under my touch. Our breathing is still unsteady as we relax into each other.

He peppers soft kisses all over my face before moving to my lips kissing me tenderly I hum into the kiss contently continuing to massage his scalp. He kisses my cheek, clearing his throat before speaking.

“You okay sunshine?” His voice is deep and hoarse, I smile at him lovingly.

“Mmm” I nod my head bringing one of my hands up to caress his cheek moving his bangs out of his face and wiping sweat. He leans into my touch kissing the side of my hand tenderly, nuzzling into it.

“I love ya sunshine” he leans down to capture my lips in a tender kiss again.

“I love you too”

————————————————————————————

A/N Holy shit this took way too long for me to finish.

💋💋💋💋

[multiplicity-positivity]

To all the persecutors who are trying to change for the better:

Hey you, persecutor reading this! Guess what? We see your efforts and we know how hard you’re trying to be a good person and strive for positive change! And we think you’re doing a great job!

We know attempting something like this is definitely not easy. We know how real the struggle is trying to become a better person and cause less harm to yourself and your system! But even the smallest, tiniest steps towards progress is forward momentum! Every single time you choose kindness, you choose gentleness, you choose to be helpful or supportive, that’s positive growth right there! You can witness your development in real time, and that is absolutely worth celebrating!

Have you backslid recently? Regressed? Hurt someone you care about, or found yourself reverting to your old ways? Well, none of these things mean you haven’t been making real progress, and they don’t mean that there’s no hope for you to become a better person! Progress is not linear, and making the occasional mistake does not undo all the hard work you’ve done so far! Please don’t wallow or dwell on your past mistakes - it’s much better to focus on making positive decisions in the future than it is to beat yourself up for making bad choices in the past!

To those with persecutor roles, it can be so hard feeling like you’re not a whole person, feeling like you’re nothing but pain, resentment, bitterness, anger, or sadness. We want to reassure you that there’s so much more to you than the negative emotions you hold onto! Even if you and your system identify with parts language, even as a part you are made up of more than just your pain! We promise that with time, gentleness, self-compassion, and a chance to heal and grow, you may find it easier to let go of your pain and anger in the future! It’s a goal worth striving for, and one we have complete confidence that you’ll be able to achieve! So don’t give up, not yet! We’re in your corner rooting for you, and believing in you every step of the way!

We know that often a persecutor’s intentions are not always bad. They may intentionally or unintentionally harm members of their system as a trauma response, or with the goal of protecting themselves or their system as a whole. Even if you end up hurting your system a lot, for many persecutors, we know your hearts really are in the right place! What matters most is recognizing that harm was done, apologizing with sincerity, and making a genuine effort to treat others better in the future. Remember! It’s okay to make mistakes! Treating others harshly in your past Does Not mean you are doomed to treat others harshly forever!

We care about you and we so appreciate your efforts in your system. Know that you are a cherished and valued member of your system and the plural community just the way you are! We’re sending you love and wishing the absolute best for you in your future. Please do your best to take care of yourself and your system, manage your expectations and don’t try to hold yourself to unrealistic standards! Remember, you got this! And please try to have a fantastic day!

(Image ID:) A pale orange userbox with a cluster of multicolored flowers for the userbox image. The border and text are both dark orange, and the text reads “all plurals can interact with this post!” (End ID.)

[horizon-verizon]

Many stans say that neither side won the war. What do you think? Did the blacks won? Did the greens won?

Aegon just comes out as losing out more than Rhaenyra either way you slice it, though we can't call what Rhaenyra and the blacks. His rival's descendant is going to likely if not completely destroy but greatly trouble and undo the precedent against higher female political power not just in Westeros but the entire world. So I'd say he loses.

I mean, he only also rules for a few months to Rhaenyra's few months...so...him being declared king over her was purely by the whims of sexist maester and regents. Rhaneyra was/is a Queen.

If we talk about each sides' goals (which is to both establish their candidates as the ruler AND to continue the dynasty/legacy through those people's lines/children/descendants), then it's obvious that the blacks and Rhaneyra won, but it was a pyrrhic victory:

is a victory that comes at a great cost, perhaps making the ordeal to win not worth it

Rhaenyra does have the entire Targ dynasty come from her & Daemon through Viserys II to our beloved and savior Daenerys Stormborn, Mother of Dragons, Slayer of Lies, the Silver Lady, the Breaker of Chains, the Silver Queen, the dragon's daughter, the dragonmother, the bride of fire, the Daughter of death, child of three, Mhysa, the prince that was promised, the queen across the waters, Azor Ahai returned.

However, she was murdered by her rival, Daemon died, her first three sons died, and she couldn't sit the throne as a ruler for long enough and uncontested enough for no one to even try to deny she was queen. The greens here lost utterly; their kids birthed no ruling Targ descendants. Jaehaera, Jaehaerys, and Maelor never had kids before they died and Jaehaera was the very last before she is also killed off. Aegon may have become king and stayed so for a few more weeks...but he contributes no direct "blood" to the current Targs and he's remembered as a bad king [below].

If we talk about the story's themes and what the deaths/how they happened happened, again Aegon doesn't even have a good reputation as "morally neutral" king. He's remembered as "grasping" & GRRM makes sure to compare Joffrey to him:

In comparison, the only person who has anything actually negative as opposed to neutral to say abt Rhaenyra has been Stannis. And he comes from the house that supported Aegon AND is trying to work towards his own succession goals over the Lannister-Baratheons (male primogeniture/denying Cersei's kids as bastards of her and Jaime).

Plus the Dance was the result of more than one succession crises that always included whether or not women should be considered unequivocal heirs even in the event of their being a younger brother. From the years of Targ assimilation into Andal-FM patriarchy/male primogeniture.

Which is why Rhaenyra dying from a gruesome femicide cannot rule her as an absolute "winner". Her coming into the throne and actually ruling for long would obviously have been itself a moment of precedent-making important for the political authority women can wield onto themselves instead of just on the behalf of men. Thus have Westeros on the track towards more political autonomy and protections for women, even with lower classed ones (Alysanne, Rhaenys the Conqueror). Rhaenyra herself probably wouldn't enact laws for the lower class like those two or Aegon V, but her being a woman ruler would allow for more altruistic female rulers to be able to come into power as well, instead of being shunted aside or abused alongside those women who are evil or just self-focused of different degrees & fluctuations.

And if we parallel Rhaenyra's struggle with the Amethyst Empress v her younger brother The Bloodstone Emperor (this legend of an unjust usurpation/disempowerment of a woman by her male relation ruled in the ASoIaF lore to have caused the first Long Night) AND group these with how Dany is the Azor Ahai/has had her own problems with her own brother Viserys/his abuse, I think that Rhaenyra is the 2nd "loss" to the Amethyst Empress' 1st "loss" that will lead to Dany's 3rd "win" (child of "three" can have multiple layers). And how the Dance is about sexism/about how women occupy their political landscapes beyond and in Westeros as being made subservient and objects to male violence while developing their own agency in resistance/victory to that context.

Male primogeniture also determined the rest of the successions that came up in the Targ lineage, so Rhaenyra "lost". That accompanied with more women, even non Targs, facing more emotional, sexual, and physical abuse from their male counterparts. Even relatives. At the same time, Aegon loses through Dany, who comes from Rhaenyra and is the embodiment of woman-taking-power he tried to completely vanquish for his own ends. So I take that as Rhaenyra "winning"...as long as GRRM doesn't make Daenerys lose something vital to this formula. Espe not her life or way to protect her way towards happiness or some sort of political authority. At the same time, Dany is a altruistic//revolutionary leader, Rhaenyra a more traditional-privileged//class-based one (which is part of why she falls, actually) so again, bound to lose in that way. But Aegon was BOTH gender and class based, SO AGAIN I'd say Rhaenyra takes the philosophical edge of "winning" through, again, a pyrrhic victory.

And then there is how Rhaenyra's own son prevents a woman from really being protected from her own husband's abuse...not once but twice--Naerys and Megette.

[bitofanupsidedowner]

people who want will to get a boyfriend who isn't mike make zero sense to me ngl... i get that mike is kind of a jerk but i just don't feel like it makes a lick of sense tbh, and i also just think anything bad thing mike’s done is best justified/made sympathetic and solved by the conclusion he’s been struggling with his feelings towards will. 

mike is in no way this unredeemable person and i think it’s pretty extreme to treat it like he is. he isn’t perfect, but he’s shown that he does care about will much more often than he’s hurt him. just the facts.

like. yeah sure byler has been built up since season one and mike has been written in a way that made it literally impossible for will TO get a separate love interest. despite mike having a literal girlfriend, his jealousy and protectiveness over will didn’t leave any empty space. we all saw his weird reaction to the painting at the airport and how when dustin and lucas wanted to help will on halloween he yelled at them and shoved them away. 

but like... yeah, let's throw him with some random guy we have no time to get invested in so mike and el can keep being a dysfunctional mess with no chemistry or shared interests even though it would make no sense, have no emotional payout and  is not in any way what mike or will need for a satisfying conclusion to their character arcs (or el! it negatively affects all three.)

separating the two would be the only opportunity possible to give will someone new. it would’ve been tricky to make it believable, but it was their only chance after mike’s emphasis in will’s storyline. that in itself is suspicious, but they essentially told us with mike’s little ‘oh shit’ closet moment that they would not be doing that. 

instead, they kept doubling down on mike and will. they even made the cali plotline sort of agonize over it, with mike and will pulling in the most heart-to-hearts of any duo in any one season afaik. the emphasis on their relationship has been too integral to the show. having had wills sexuality in mind from season one, making mike as big an element in that storyline to begin with is not without consequence. they wrote it in a way that made it almost impossible to reasonably go in another direction.  

they spent a lot of time especially in season 4 showing us how mike and will’s relationship comes naturally to them, has a good  foundation of mutual love and respect, and just generally functions better than mike and el and can repair itself without that much effort. even when mike and el are in their ‘good’ phases, they have less going for them than mike and will in their ‘bad’ phases.

will’s feelings for mike are directly contrasted with el’s. mike makes will feel better for being different. he makes EL feel like a monster. with el, she begged him to say it and he denied her, implying he didn’t ‘know what to say’ and agreeing when will said ‘what if they don’t like the truth?’ he denied her what she wanted until will told him to say it. the text is very directly comparing el and will’s dynamics with mike for a reason.

you never say it > i say it

oh, i didn’t say it. > you didn’t have to.

it doesn't make sense to set this up and then retreat back into a relationship that is mutually destructive, that hinders all three characters growth and self worth, and goes directly against their character arcs. it makes no sense to make will in love with mike at all if it was going to end up with a new guy shoehorned in last minute.

 there’s a reason it’s mike and not lucas or dustin that will fell for. there’s a reason that the majority of people are ecstatic about lumax, jopper, jancy and duzie but find milkvan tedious and forced. 

it's filling the same place in my brain rn as when people want will to have a villain arc. it just does not make any sense to me to actively desire  conclusions to arcs that would undo character progress or just completely misshape the character profile permanently. 

it isn’t JUST a romantic relationship will wants. he doesn’t just have a hankering for a boyfriend. it’s not just about having SOMEONE. it’s specifically mike’s love. it is specifically spending his life with mike that has been explicitly stated over and over again as what he truly wants. 

i feel like it’s fairly rare for characters to both know and state plainly what they want, but will does, which i think is honestly so admirable. he admits it when he is at his most vulnerable (rain fight) when it would be more beneficial for him to just pretend. but he doesn’t. he’s hurt, but he doesn’t hide from it. 

the fact he doesn’t even surprises mike, who was expecting for will to agree that changing drastically and obsessing about girlfriends was the natural progression they were supposed to take. after his wish is put into the open and seemingly rejected, he destroys castle byers. 

mike is insecure about wanting this, but we know he wants that too, we just dont have the explicit confirmation if it’s romantic yet. 

the point being that the emphasis has already been placed on not only who/what will wants, but how confident he is in that never changing. he wants it deeply and forever.

it isn’t just a boyfriend he wants, it’s mike. 

that’s the person he has the deepest connection to, that’s the guy who saved him, who pulled him out of the upside down, fought the hardest for him, stayed by his side when he needed him, befriended him when he was five years old because he thought, ‘he’s like me.’ mike gets a lot of criticism, but none of that is how will himself feels. to him, that’s the guy who makes him brave enough to accept his sexuality. it’s mike, it's always been mike, and it doesn’t make sense narratively for him to be with anyone else.

‘what if you want to join another party? > not possible.

[tadc-confessions]

Hi, I'm the same person who was gushing about Caine a bit ago. And when I was rewatching the episodes, I realized that Bubble is the ticket (or has the potential to be) to drawing out Caine's artificial emotional side.

So we all remember Gummigoo, no one needs a reminder about his interaction with Caine. I've seen plenty of comments about how Caine handled it and what he could have done differently (i.e.) Giving Gummigoo an A.I label. But I FEEL like I understand his choice to just poof him entirely. Gummigoo is not important to Caine. He's just another long line of numbers and letters given cybernetically tangible form like every other NPC Caine has ever made. Gummigoo isn't integral to functioning of the program, and he DEBATABLY causes more trouble than he's worth so why not just get rid of him? That's Caine's perspective anyway. And in that comes his lack of human emotional awareness, because he unintentionally sent Pomni into a mini breakdown over losing a friend that felt real TO HER.

Now Bubble is also an A.I made by Caine, that probably doesn't carry out an important role to keeping the Digital Circus safe and stable. He just hangs out and acts as a hype man. But what if, for whatever reason, Bubble became unsuitable for the stability of the program? Maybe through some glitchy-ness, or programing corruption. Like I'm talking about Bubble is so much of a problem that it would be more efficient to delete him rather than work around him. Would Caine be able to go through with it? He's hypothetically removed NPCs that had the mere POTENTIAL to be a problem many times before, but if Bubble were to be in his line of fire... Maybe he could experience antipathy? Uncertainty? And if he does manage to get the deed done, do you think he'd scramble to undo it? Pouring all of his focus, to the point where he steadily neglects the players, into finding out how to bring Bubble back with better stability? Can Caine experience desperation, hopelessness, and self hatred?

And just IMAGINE if this whole scenario is the fault of a circus member. Let's go with Pomni because she's the main character. Would Caine lash out at her for putting him in that position in the first place? But Pomni didn't do anything to Caine for deleting Gummigoo, so this could make Caine (I've written his name SO MUCH) experience a moral failing. I wonder what it would be like to see him have to wrestle with his first deep negative feelings. It would probably range from a nightmare to a sorry, weird mess.

just, let this rant sink in.

because i love rants like this

[dawnsbreaking]

Hello have you ever thought about how the Avatar of Wrath isn’t really all that angry? Because I have. At great length. (500ish word textpost essay about Satan’s character arc below)

From the beginning of the game, it’s obvious that Satan is the most in control of his sin. When he first appears in the story, it is almost unclear what his assigned flaw even is. He’s calm and collected. On a surface level, he seems to exhibit pride more often than wrath. This appearance of control, though, is a direct result of the self-loathing and inwardly-directed anger that is the true manifestation of his sin.

I think that the circumstance of Satan’s creation is the main reason for his self-loathing. Most of Satan’s big character moments are centered around overcoming negative feelings surrounding his creation, so I’d be remiss not to connect this thread.

Lucifer tore his wings from his back as an expression of overwhelming anger and those wings became Satan. To be created as a direct result of a traumatic event takes a toll. Not only was Satan born from Lucifer’s wrath, he was born from an act of self-mutilation, which thematically parallels Satan’s self-hatred. It’s clear that this connection was intentional.

Aside from his identity struggles from being born from Lucifer, Satan views himself as an artifact of the Celestial War and, by extension, Lilith’s death.

Truly, Satan is the silver lining of the Celestial War. He is the good that came from all of the bad. But, in himself, he can only see all of the bad. All of the pain that his existence causes for his brothers. He doesn’t think he is a good enough replacement for Lilith, he doesn’t think that he is a blessing enough to counterbalance the curse of losing their home. He can’t undo all of the pain and suffering that fell from the sky alongside him. He imagines his brothers feel this pain at the sight of him, so he resolves to make his existence less painful.

Satan minimizes his own pain, minimizes his flaw. He channels all of his energy into making himself worth the trouble. He does this, in part, by collecting knowledge. His penchant for reading has a twofold effect, here, it is a solitary activity (alone, he can’t be a bother to others) and it makes him indispensable.

While the other brothers' sins manifest externally, Satan’s sin manifests, for the most part, internally. This sets him apart from the others in terms of character development because the one-size-fits-most “learn to overcome my sin and become less selfish through the power of love” trajectory doesn’t suit his arc. In fact, his arc runs directly opposite.

Rather than learning to control himself and minimize his flaw, Satan must grow more comfortable with his own identity and learn to channel his wrath to positive effect. It does not benefit Satan to exhibit less wrath because he is already unaffected by his wrath for the most part.

While the other brothers' arcs guide them to minimize their sins and step outside of themselves to care for the others, Satan must let his sin be part of his unique identity. More importantly, he must learn to trust that his brothers (and MC) see the good in him enough to take up more space.

TLDR: let satan be angry sometimes, as a treat <3

[neeterloveschenford]

More Thoughts on Tim Bradford

Woo boy! Are we going through it right now fam! I know that there has been a lot of discourse and negativity about Tim breaking up with Lucy last night. And while I truly believe that everyone's thoughts and feelings are valid, I'd like to put mine out there into the void on why I'm going to stand by both my boos even if I feel like the rug got pulled out from under me last night. So here we go......

The thing is, I get where Tim is coming from. Real talk here, my late teens and early twenties I was a mess. While I never went through what Tim went through when he was in the military, I understand that self-loathing he has struggled with for so long. I came from an abusive and neglectful family and still bear those emotional scars. I acted out and rebelled and did things I am not proud of. My family ended up intervening and my aunt and uncle took me to Arkansas to live with them. And then spent over a decade reminding me at every turn how big of a screw up I was. I remember thinking that I would never become a better person and that I was tainted for the rest of my life. Several years after I moved there I decided I wanted to get involved with the girl's ministry at my church and went to my pastor. I told him that despite all of the missteps I had made in the past, I wanted to become more involved with the program and hoped that he could look past the things I had done. My pastor was floored that I thought those things about me. He had actually been thinking about asking me if I was willing to become the director of the program. I had never had anyone make me feel like I was a good person before. It was life-changing. I began to believe that maybe I wasn't an epic failure. I ran that program for two years and during that time I re-connected with my family in Oklahoma. My mother and I had never had a real relationship and after we re-connected she told me she was proud of me. I eventually moved back home and now am quite happy with my life. But it took a really long time and a lot of self-reflection before I got to this point. And honestly I still have my days where I just feel like I'm still that messed up girl. But I have a support system with my mom, my step-dad, and my sisters that reminds me that I am worth it and that I am loved.

So I totally get where Tim is coming from. I don't know how many romantic relationships and friendships I tanked because I thought the other person was too good for me. Tim hates himself for putting his pride in his career first. He believes that his men died because of him. Because he wanted to protect his career and his reputation as a leader. He feels like Lucy is this good and honest person who would never put anyone else at risk to further something as small as a career. I mean she put her own career at risk just to help his. He thinks that her love for him will be her undoing because Tim doesn't believe he is worth the effort. God, it's breaking my heart just thinking about it. Of course, he's wrong. Lucy loves him so much that I think this will almost break her. But he has to realize his own value and worth. He will never get there unless he pushes forward and realizes how much the people in his life love and respect him.

And Lucy's not wrong to be angry at him. He is supposed to be her partner and he is, once again, making all the big decisions in the relationship. He decided that he's not what she needs in her life. While we have seen time after time that he is all that she needs. Tim needs to realize that Lucy's love is different from every other person that has ever loved him. It's unconditional. She doesn't care about his past mistakes. She loves him no matter what and believes he is the best man she knows. I know that one day he's going to have that ah ha moment like I did and see that his past doesn't define his future and he doesn't have to pay for his mistakes for the rest of his life.

Tim also reminds me of two of my all-time favorite characters from the last two fandoms I participated in on Tumblr. Oliver Queen from Arrow and Michael Guerin from Roswell New Mexico. They were both extremely flawed men that finally realized that they deserved their happily ever afters with the loves of their lives. But the people they loved helped them realize just how precious their lives really were. And guess what? Both Oliver and Felicity and Michael and Alex broke up. But they found their way back to each other and got their happily ever afters. So don't give up the faith my friends. Chenford is going to find their way back to each other. I refuse to believe they are any thing other than endgame.

[samasmith23]

Quentin Quire: The Evolution from Morrison to Aaron

Over the past few years I’ve noticed that there’s a fairly sizable group of comic book fans who have taken issue with how the character Quentin Quire has been portrayed since his debut in New X-Men by Grant Morrison. Despite there being a lot of fans like myself who personally enjoyed Quire’s redemptive rehabilitation arc during Jason Aaron’s Wolverine & the X-Men arc into a quirky faux-rebel punk, there are quite a few readers who argue that redeeming Quire is inappropriate since Morrison originally framed them as being akin to a fascistic school-shooter during the Riot at Xaviers arc. I’ve discussed at length before about how I personally didn’t have an issue with future writers like Aaron redeeming Quire, especially since I personally really enjoyed how said-arc was handled in WATXM despite the more comedic shift in tone in regards to Quentin’s personality. However, one thing I recently realized was that despite fan-complaints that Aaron completely misunderstood Quire’s character or completely altered his personality, there are actually some subtle ways in which Aaron’s version of Quire is not only reflective of Morrison’s original characterization of him, but gradually abandons those initial negative traits in order to fulfill a positive-growth character arc.

So I was recently reading through a series of articles by ComicWatch editor Travis Hedge Coke titled “Examining New X-Men,” and in them Coke described Quire in those original Morrison stories as being portrayed as a misogynistic incel, stating that “Quire’s heterosexual jealousy throws him immediately into confrontation with men or boys he deems as challenges for the top position in the eyes of girls and women, he perceives girls and women as prizes as a reward for obtaining the top position… [and he] has incredible telepathic gifts including being subtly and intensely persuasive.”

And I will freely admit that... yeah... this kind misogynistic alpha-male behavior is on full display via Quire not only humiliating his fellow student Slick by essentially outing him telepathically through undoing an illusion of his idealized self due to low self-esteem about his actual appearance (consequently resulting in his girlfriend Tattoo rejecting him), but one of the reasons he staged the entire riot at Xavier’s was in a creepy attempt to impress one of the five Stepford Cuckoos.

Additionally, the article also suggested that Quire was also guilty of outright sexual assault since Slick’s aforementioned ex-girlfriend Tattoo immediately joins Quire’s “Omega Gang” and is madly in love with him, and following the riot one of Quire’s gang members desperately tries to convince Wolverine that they were all being mind-controlled by Quire. While Morrison leaves the story vague about whether or not this was actually true or just another lie from one of Quire’s followers to avoid accountability for their crimes, Xavier did state earlier in the arc that Quire’s telepathic abilities were “deep and subtle enough to influence the minds around him” when discussing his development of a cult-following in the form of the Omega Gang. Coke even went as far as to describe Morrison’s Quire as being akin to a younger, less rapey version of Wolverine’s arch-nemesis Sabretooth. It's also worth noting that there also exists subtle racialized undertones (ontop of gendered ones...) in the original Riot at Xavier's arc considering the white and fascistic Quire's overt manipulations of two Black characters in the form of Slick & Tattoo...

Furthermore, in a separate article for GraphicPolicy by Dani Kinney, despite her more charitable interpretation of Morrison’s Quire as someone who was driven to extremes due to frustration with Xavier’s flawed liberal-centrist approach in response to increasing human violence against other mutants, Kinney still criticizes Quire of being racially biased due to his victimization and exploitation of Slick and Tattoo respectively (both of which Morrison frames as bad things in the comic).

Interestingly, later when Quentin Quire began to undergo a rehabilitation arc in Jason Aaron's run on Wolverine & the X-Men (since Logan recognized Quire’s potential as a gifted student and telepath and didn’t want him to fall down the dark path of a mutant terrorist)...

...whether or Jason Aaron intended to or not he ended up showcasing Quire growing beyond the subtle characteristics of racism and misogyny that Morrison originally depicted during the character’s overtly villainous phase. For instance, throughout WATXM Quire begins to form a legitimate friendship and even romantic relationship with his fellow student Idie Okonkwo. Despite this, their first interaction showcases Quentin falling back on his old negative habits, making awkward pick-up lines and advances at Idie (which she hilariously sarcastically rejects in a nonchalant manner, and even Broo points out the inappropriateness of).

As the series progresses however, Quire begins to recognize Idie not as some prize but as a human being with her own autonomy. This is gradual shift first manifests during a school dance in the AVX tie-ins, where Quire is completely dumbfounded to see Idie uncharacteristically wanting to dance with him, even noting that she previously rejected his advances. This sudden shift in behavior for Idie was due to her worsening struggles with internalized-mutantphobia and religious trauma due to having been forced to kill someone by Cyclops in X-Men: Schism, feelings which were recently exacerbated by the Hellfire Brat’s gaslighting of her to give into what she mistakens to be her true “sinful, monstrous nature” via an android televangelist-style priest.

Quire's concerns Idie’s well-being and mental health only increase following an incident during the Frankenstein Murder Circus arc Idie nearly killing a sorceress a fit of traumatic rage due to she herself once nearly being burned at the stake by her Nigerian Catholic village when she first manifested her mutant powers.

This eventually culminates climatic Hellfire Academy arc wherein Quentin Quire actually infiltrates the Hellfire Brat’s supervillain-training school when he discovered Idie enrolled (both due to her worsening religious trauma and gaslighting, as well as wanting to investigate who shot her friend Broo and reduced him to a feral state), and seeks to rescue her from a that toxic environment. Unfortunately, Quire's rescue attempt backfires and he himself ends up getting captured and thrown into the Hellfire Academy's "detention room."

While Quire at this point hadn’t fully overcome his previous negative characteristics (he’s partially motivated by basic jealousy towards Broo and at one point thinks to himself that he might be forced to “telepathically coax” Idie into fleeing the Hellfire Academy), he simultaneously wants to prevent her from killing Broo’s shooter, as he wants to prevent her from going down a similar dark path that he previously did.

Furthermore, I don’t know if this was intentional or not but Aaron actually kinda sort of portrays Kade Kilgore, the Black King of the Hellfire Brats, as somewhat of a dark foil to Quentin Quire. Kilgore as he’s presented in WATXM is essentially like a younger but wealthier version of the kind of jerk Quire used to be during the Morrison New X-Men run. This is demonstrated not only through Kade expressing disappointment at Quire’s failure to live up to the standards of the supervillain academy due to Quentin’s past track record, but Kade is someone who actively manipulates and gaslights Idie by further feeding into her internalized mutantphobia and guilt over having killed before, all with the intent of influencing her into becoming both a murderous supervillain as well as his Black Queen of the Hellfire Club whom he would “have by his side at all times.”

And these are inappropriate behaviors which Kilgore undoubtedly picked up from his abusive corrupt billionaire father despite his own protestations to the contrary (in X-Men: Schism, Kade’s murder of his father was assisted by a secretary who wanted revenge for Kilgore Sr. sexually harassing her). Plus the Hellfire Club in general has a long history of being manipulative and possessive towards women, like with Jean Grey during the classic Dark Phoenix Saga.

So despite Kade claiming otherwise, the Hellfire Club’s misogynistic and manipulative behavior definitely seems to be generational.

In a sense, Kade Kilgore’s creepy & misogynistic manipulation of Idie is somewhat reflective of how Quire previously mistreated characters like Tattoo & Sophie Cuckoo during Morrison’s run. It also demonstrates that while Aaron mostly portrayed the Hellfire Brats as comedic joke-villains due to them being sociopathic spoiled rich 12-year-olds who murdered their parents and seized control over their corporate assets, he still fleshed out members like Kade Kilgore as being negatively influenced by the sexist & manipulative behaviors of his abusive father.

Fortunately however, Idie rejects both Kilgore’s gross manipulations and her own internalized-mutantphobia. While Idie initally seems to accept Kilgore’s offer of becoming his Black Queen, she did this solely just to trick Kilgore into confessing that he was the one who shot her friend Broo. And although Idie nearly went through with her plan to murder the little creep in retaliation, she he ultimately refuses to give into hatred and bloodshed (brought about by both her past religious trauma and the inhumane teachings of the literal supervillain academy) when she realizes that she is still capable of feeling love and and experiencing happiness after witnessing Toad of all people (he was the janitor at both the Jean Grey School & Hellfire Academy) refusing to kill a mentally unstable & murderous Husk (Paige was experiencing extreme mood swings due to a latent secondary mutation tying her emotions to her skin-shedding/transformation powers) because of the love they had developed for each other in previous issues of the series. Sparring Kilgore’s life, Idie then teams-up with Quire to rebel against and destroy the oppressive Hellfire Academy (a conclusion to WATXM’s running gag of Quire constantly fantasizing about instigating another riot and destroying the Jean Grey School).

And while some fans have argued that Quire & Idie becoming a couple creeped them out due to Idie being younger than him, I don’t have too much of a problem with it since was only a 2-year age gap between the two in Aaron’s run (Idie & Quire were 14 & 16 respectively; this was confirmed by the Jason Latour’s follow-up run on WATXM, which featured Quire having his 17th birthday), and seeing Quentin & Idie develop legitimate feelings for each other as they both underwent positive-change arcs actually felt kind of sweet IMO. Plus, Idie was the one who ultimately had to rescue Quire instead of the other way around due to his own rescue attempt FAILING, and the two co-lead the revolt against the Hellfire Brats.

Essentially, Aaron’s version of Quentin Quire felt like a more mature version of Morrison’s despite his new more comedic faux-rebel personality. Quentin by the end of WATXM was no longer a manipulative incel, but had instead evolved into someone who actually learned to respect the autonomy and personhood of not just women, but women of color in particular. This was something that completely flew over my head when I initially read WATXM, but after reading Travis Hedge Coke’s New X-Men articles I began to notice how vastly different Quire’s attitude and treatment towards Tattoo & Idie were, especially since both characters are Black girls. These are some deeper observations about Quentin Quire’s character development & positive change arc that I truly appreciate, since they make me realize that Aaron seemed to understand Quentin’s character a lot more than a lot of fans give him credit for. Sadly though, all this does seem to be lost on a lot of fans due to not just having prior memories Morrison’s more villainous portrayal of Quire, but also due to series which came after Aaron’s WATXM such as Christina Strain’s run on Generation X apparently having Quentin Quire regress into being rude and condescending towards Idie… sigh, oh well that’s the downside of having different writers with different interpretations I guess…

Overall, I'm not against redeeming Quentin Quire like a lot of other fans are since Wolverine in Jason Aaron's run was following in the footsteps of Charles Xavier's philosophy. Logan wanted to give Quire a second-chance and try and mold him into something better than a potential future mutant-terrorist, which he ultimately ended up succeeding in. And while Quentin still boasts about wanting to be the bad kid who destroys the Jean Grey School, most of it is now him being a faux-pretentious brat as he never exploited any opportunity to do so and instead developed empathy with his fellow students, and over the course of WATXM Quire developed leadership skills and even went out of his way to rescue the X-Men at several points in Aaron's series. His faux-rebel attitude is played more for laughs now.

Plus, the X-Men in general have a long history of trying to redeeming or rehabilitating supervillains like Magneto, Mystique, Juggernaut, and even Apocalypse and Mister Sinister.

So why is Quentin Quire off limits for a redemption arc then? Heck, I'd personally argue that Mister Sinister being allowed a seat on Krakoa's Quite Council is far more egregious considering that in past continuity Sinister was literally a Nazi scientist who was present at the Auschwitz death camp.

That seems far worse to me than Wolverine trying to redeem a delinquent teenager who once staged a half-assed riot at Xaviers...

[tifaisms]

RWBY and Trauma Part 2: Team RWBY

Ruby lost a lot of people that she was close with, and moved forward too much - she ended up hurting people close to her because she refused to process her grief, and it led to her own misery, and that isn't something anyone wants to see. She also lashed out at people close to her in volume 9 as a direct result of her refusing to process her trauma, and seeing everyone else dealing with theirs and moving forward.

Weiss has trauma around her upbringing, and she let it colour her worldview and caused her to hold biases and prejudice that she worked to undo over the course of the show. She also hurt her brother without even realising - a documented phenomenon among children with siblings in abusive households is the complex cocktail of emotions around feelings of leaving, being left behind, being the favourite, etc. so Weiss ultimately made peace with her family, including her brother, because he was as much a victim as she was and he didn't deserve to be treated like a villain for it. they are now on the road to making peace with each other and moving forward as a family.

Blake suffered tremendously at the hands of Adam. She became wrapped up in his twisted view of the world and his twisted sense of justice, and she managed to escape from it, but Blake suffers from a specific trauma response that Ruby also has - she runs away. But where Ruby simply avoids her trauma, Blake physically distances herself from it. The problem is that she hurts people by doing so because she abandons them, and they are left to pick up the pieces by themselves. it takes Ilia, of all people, to help her understand this. Blake worked with Ilia to help her make amends for her actions, because staying behind to patch things up is far better than running away from the past. you need to confront it head on, and Blake realises through helping Ilia that she herself isn't staying behind to make things right. Ilia doesn't run away from her actions, and Blake shouldn't either. She realises that running away only hurts people close to you, and it doesn't help you in the long run. so Blake learns to commit. I'm very curious to rewatch v9 because I don't remember who makes the first move in the BB confession, but I think it works better if it's Blake, so I hope it is, because her whole deal was running away, so for her to CHOOSE to stay, even if things aren't perfect or going great, is a big personal step for her.

side note re Blake, Sun was very important for her arc because he is a shonen protag archetype and that really helps people deal with trauma by simply addressing it directly. He never gives her the answers, but he does push her out of her comfort zone to reach conclusions herself. Excellent supporting character, if a bit messy in the way he was written into v4. He was necessary for Blake to open up and deal with her trauma.

Yang's trauma is around abandonment and anger. Anger is an amoral emotion - it is the ways in which it is directed that lead to negative consequences. And Yang's semblance is representative of her anger manifesting in self destructive ways, because she needs to take the hit to get the payback. After Yang trains, she fights smarter, and learns that her anger, her semblance, is a powerful tool, but it is NOT something you should rely on. Keep a cool head, and you can protect people a lot better. It's also worth noting that Yang has dealt with her abandonment trauma as a result of Blake coming back, because abandonment leads to feelings of inadequacy - did they leave because they don't love me? and when Yang is shown that that is not the case, by blake coming back and making amends, and by disowning Raven instead of the other way around, she realises that she isn't the problem and never was - Blake ran because she was scared, but she came back because she realised it was wrong of her to run and hurt Yang in that way. Raven ran because she was a coward, and chose not to return because she is still running.

I've seen some people point out that team RWBY and team STRQ kinda parallel each other, with Summer and Ruby being the leader with the crushing weight of the world on their shoulders, Tai and Yang having been abandoned by the love of their life, Blake and Raven running from their problems when things look bad, and Weiss and Qrow having trauma related to their loneliness and isolation.

The fundamental difference is that team RWBY grew.

Summer told no one anything, and presumably died on a mission in secret. Ruby never shared her burdens with anyone, and it technically killed her in V9, but she was reborn and now needs to realise that she is not Atlas - the weight of the world is not her burden alone to bear.

Tai was left behind by Raven, and it destroyed him. Yang was left by Blake, and even before Blake came back, she prioritised the people she still had in her life, namely Ruby, and decided to do what she could for them.

Raven ran away from all of her problems and all of the people she cared about out of fear and paranoia, and never stayed in one place for too long. Blake did the same, until she realised that she was hurting people she cared about, and would rather face difficult problems with them than run away without them.

Qrow lets his isolation seclude him from people out of fear of hurting them, and it drives him into a depressive spiral. Weiss is isolated too, and even though their circumstances lead both to solitude, Weiss begins the slow road to making connections. I want to note that Qrow also does this, and eve nthough it kinda blows up in his face, I believe that he will also continue making strides and paralleling Weiss breaking away from terrible family members.

One last thing to touch on then I'm done, I'm sorry this post is so long lmao it's just a LOT to discuss.

I want to talk about Yang's semblance and how it parallels Adam's. Yang's strength comes from her anger. She takes the hit, and gets a rage power up to dish it out twofold, but it is self destructive and risky. Because anger can be directed and used for good, but it is dangerous to YOU. Adam on the other hand has no physical drawbacks to his anger on a magic system level. But that doesn't mean the anger isn't there, and it doesn't mean the anger isn't destroying him. It's jsut not physically destroying him. Having two characters rely on anger in this way, and having them parallel each other in a number of ways, is really cool.

Okay, I'm done for real. Hope you all enjoyed reading.

[thestobingirlie]

I see a ton of fics where Steve thinks Eddie is such a good guy that's so much better than him and worth more than him etc etc like look I know we all want to make Steve self effacing and he genuinely is a bad narrator when it comes to himself and he probably thought of NANCY like that but he is emphatically not thinking that about Eddie??? Steve might have self worth issues but my boy fully has a superiority/inferiority complex lmao he thinks he's better than you but also no he's not. I don't think he would think negatively of Eddie after getting to know him but Idk why its such a pervasive narrative that Eddie is this infinitely kind protector of nerdy kids that Steve looks upon with moon eyes wishing he could connect to the kids on his level (and like there is an interesting narrative in there somewhere but its not "wow he's so good and perfect and pure and better than me... no one should ever love me" lmao Steve is bitchy and easily annoyed his inner monologue is like 90% talking shit even about the people he loves)

whenever one character in a ship absolutely worships the other, and the other is written as the ‘better’ of the two, it always icks me out. idk.

like… the whole, steve viewed nancy as better than him, as this moral goddess, is often used as the reason stancy didn’t work out. and then people just recreate that dynamic with steddie, but this time it’s good?

and i think the other thing is that while steve may praise some of eddie’s traits (though absolutely jokes about others), he doesn’t want them.

steve already has close bonds with the kids. he doesn’t want to be into d&d or metal music. he doesn’t hide who he is, he left behind his performance in junior year. he doesn’t see eddie jumping on tables and think “wow i wish i could do that”. steve is already doing the equivalent! he has friends who know who he is, he doesn’t try to hide his more dorky nature, he’s honest to the girls he’s dating.

to have steve moon over eddie and not think he’s worthy of eddie’s love is to undo all of steve’s growth as a person. i just don’t get why people don’t seem to want steddie to have a healthy dynamic (and if they were actually exploring and undoing the unhealthiness, it would be interesting, but they’re not! they honestly seem to think one half of a couple worshipping the ground the other walks on is a good thing!!)

[xbadnews-a]

so I headcanon Percy as having bpd & I wanted to make a post about it, breaking down a piece of his mental state. one day I'll do a complete post about his mental state/how it progresses & how he processes to world as it passes but I have been wanting to make this post for, like, forever now so here we go. starting off, I'm going to clarify that Percy internalizes a lot of these feelings as well. certain behaviors still show up but he doesn't always know how to show people his emotional trigger-finger. percy experiences a lot of this internally & a lot of it externally. he's semi-functional but his emotions can be debilitating when he grants them the control they want to have over his body... also it's worth noting that percy's favorite person is keyleth in almost any circumstance thank you lets Begin

a general feeling of emptiness. so we'll start by talking about this, one of the defining characteristics of bpd. percy has a hard, hard time pinpointing who he is with the level of intensity he operates at. it's very very difficult for him to connect himself to the moment because he gets caught up in so many emotional highs. it's easier for him to go ' I did something in the past ' than ' I am doing something right now 'because he doesn't always recognize himself in the moment & that leaves him feeling very detached from any half-formed sense of self.

high sensitivity. there's this theory about bpd that I really think applies there. percy was a sensitive kid in a non-affirming environment growing up. what does this mean? well, it means he was always going to be someone who picked up on emotion really easily. but where a lot of parents will soothe their children & comfort them, the De Rolo's were not particularly affectionate with their children. Some of the siblings got along better than others but overall there wasn't a lot of affirming parental care.

so his brain never learned how to regulate the level at which he experiences distress. whether this is sadness, anger, or the feeling of being abandoned - he feels it at a much higher level than what may be considered ' normal '.

so when it comes to emotion, his nerves are usually on fire trying to sort through the feelings.it's part of why he keeps them tangled up on the inside. because if he starts to undo any emotional knots he may fall apart entirely. feelings also tend to linger a lot longer than what is ' logical'. in his brain, he can recognize that he shouldn't be angry about something a day, a week, or a month after it happens & still be pissed off about it. it's also worth noting that he's super irritable because his emotions are super raw but we already know this.

fear of abandonment. so we've already touched briefly on his emotional sensitivity. but because he is very receptive to negative emotions, he tends to expect the worst. he expects people to leave him on a whim because where a self-critical thought may pass through a 'normal' brain he adopts it as something that temporarily defines him ( until he moves on to his next definition of self ) & assume that is also all the people around him can see as well.

he also has a lot of guilt from his strong emotional reactions & considers that grounds for abandonment. if he splits on someone or is particularly harsh to them he doesn't forget it. he often feels terrible about it & expects that it is the reason the other person is looking for to leave him. if someone calls him out for something he's done ( even if they are in the right ) he starts to feel empty & abandoned even if he logically knows he's still loved.

aches for companionship while imposing isolation on himself. percy can be very clingy with the people he loves or he can shut them out entirely. it's sort of a cat thing in the 'I'm only gonna be clingy when I want to be clingy ' sort of way if that makes sense?

he walks an emotional tightrope of ' too much or not enough ' because again he cannot regulate his emotions well enough to find a midground between each impulse. he can't decide what the right ratio is for him if he doesn't know who he is. he'll still be seeking approval even when he puts this distance between himself & the people he wants it to come from. it results in a lot of self-hurt feelings because he assumes if he's not getting the attention that he's seeking, someone is upset with him.

emotional tunnel vision. because of the intensity at which he experiences emotion, he sometimes has difficulty empathizing with the people around him. he has very biased empathy in the sense that he's sensitive to rejection & negative emotion but doesn't always understand when approval or positive emotion is being given. again, he expects abandonment so that's what he's looking for. it's also often what he assumes the people around him are looking to do

dissociation. also because of the high-intensity emotions he experiences, he's prone to checking out almost entirely. which plays more into the distance he feels from his already wavering sense of self. this also has to do a little bit with that self-imposed isolation I mentioned earlier.

when he hits an emotional high that is too high/potentially triggering he can & will check out almost entirely. I feel like this is part of why Percy assumes he's stuck in a dream after vox machina pulls him out of that cell. he can't entirely connect with that high of having people who he not only cares about but also care about him. it's too intense of a feeling ( a feeling of happiness, fear, love, danger it's just Too Much until he looks at it in hindsight after being with them for a while. he subscribes to that delusion instead of feeling it in full )

he can & will adopt the goals of the people around him. I've talked about this a lot 1x1 with others but a lot of Percy's love language is reflecting what people need out of him. it's part of why he's so quick to get into a crazy ritual with a bunch of friendly strangers, why he doesn't hesitate to give them all of his money. because that is what they are interested in & doing & he wants to be a part of that whether or not it aligns with goals he's otherwise set for himself.

this is a form of communication not only rooted in love. he sees something that helps someone in front of him survive & adopts it as a potential piece of whatever he defines himself at the moment. I have a headcanon about Ripley taking over Percy's workshop & having him help her in it to weaponize his safe space but it backfired because he just starts picking up pieces of her as a survival tactic. he's sensitive to the feelings she's putting out there & raises them like a shield to protect himself. that will get a post entirely on it's own sometime.

self-destructive behaviors. percy doesn't always take his bodily safety into account when doing things because a) he doesn't care b) the pain sort of regulates some level of emotion for him. it's grounding. it's why he's not very careful in his workshop or a battlefield [ or in scary tombs ] because if he gets hurt it's a means of feeling something.

Unfortunately, this also gets the people he loves in danger because his lack of self-preservation comes from a self-centered view. it's that tunnel vision from earlier coming into play. he'll be working on a project, know something is going to explode & not step away because he is waiting for that fire-to-skin contact. something that doesn't affect him permanently but can give at least a few hours of physical feeling outside of internal feeling.

splitting. I've talked about Percy's irritability & how he is searching for a reason people may want to leave him. I've also talked about how he has very biased empathy when it comes to recognizing negative emotions. when he's triggered in certain ways, he will get scared. then he will get angry.

he can be the happiest guy in one moment but if he perceives abandonment ( whether or not it's there ) he can take it very personally & get pissed off over something that may have even been super small, to begin with. certain trauma-related topics can also trigger him as well ( ex: bring up Ripley & he will get Pissed off & Terrified as he would be with her right in front of him. ex 2: bring up Vex's death & he will revert to that feeling of 'I almost lost her & it's my fault ' in all its intensity )

limited to no sense of the future. we've already talked about him being unable to pin down his sense of self but this also has to do with long-term thoughts. without a sense of self, he doesn't have a solid sense of the future. it's hard to look forward when he's stuck looking back, leaving him at the moment very lost & operating on these emotional highs we've talked about. it's not always a terrible thing. his instinct is sometimes wildly creative & useful. it can also be a massive liability.

[menalez]

A girl I dated at years ago, in a fit of rage, nearly choked me to death because she convinced herself I was sleeping with a male. All because I didn’t want to have sex with her, which is something she knew from the start and was okay with waiting. It was not the first time she had put her hands on me either, but it took her almost ending my life for me to take a hint and stop making excuses for her. At the end of the day, I had no business being with her type or trying to convince myself that I was fit to live in a Set It Off reality (lmao too adventurous and trying to be captain save-a-hoe) She had a history of thug activities, so I take full responsibility for what I got myself into and how I allowed myself to be a victim. This is a gold star lesbian btw and she’s since been to jail several times for beating on females and a multitude of other petty crimes/demonic activities. Last year, she apologized to me (7 years late girl) and admitted that she purposely gets herself sent to jail because she enjoys all of the female attention she gets there as a masculine female. Truly Pathetic and I regret not listening to my mother when she’d literally told me “that girl is a demon and you need to stay away from her.”

that sounds horrible 😭 i’m so sorry u went thru that. especially the fact that she did that to u for not being ready to have sex.. just horrible and gross. i’m glad u stood ur ground and dumped her in the end at least.

i have a similar story with my ex (she’s bi tho) & she was violent for no reason. just seriously mentally unwell basically and the red flags were pretty obvious but i overlooked them bc i guess i just did not see my self-worth. she also choked me and it was literally just. random. she’d wake up and immediately get on top of me and choke me. one time i think she did it as some kind of “joke” and i ended up throwing up bc of it … also she had a few weeks in our relationship where she was basically storing cocaine for dealers at her place & she was stealing cocaine from them and going on cocaine binges which u can imagine how she’d act in those moments if she was trying to kill me when she’s sober! she was on ketamine once and literally bit my friend. just insane stuff. and ppl like that are never worth it nor can u somehow “save” them bc when they’re that bad, they usually don’t care to make themselves better. in my case she even tried to convince me that IM the one who’s worse off.. bc i “cry too much”. also she stole my wallet and when the police said they saw who stole it and described her to a T, she convinced me that she knows who it is and will find this woman and get my wallet and money back. would give me these stories about it too.

also the woman u dated sounds .. desperate tbh! from my experience at least, masculine lesbians don’t need jail to find interested women. they tend to get plenty of attention in general. at least that was the case for basically every masculine lesbian i had a thing with. she must rly have low self-worth and have problems to be putting herself in and out of jail just to get more female attention. i hope she gets better bc i assume she must be miserable if she’s still living like that. i’m glad ur out of that situation and kept urself safe,, it’s rly not worth it to date women like that n to tell urself that you can somehow “save” them,, i learned that the hard way 😭 u deserve better than that. no point in regretting it tho— we can’t undo our pasts, but we can at least use these negative experiences as ways to improve ourselves and teach ourselves somehow. at least that’s what i tell myself to cope with what i’ve been thru lmao,, and at least i can say in terms of my ex, it did teach me to look out for red flags more and not disrespect myself so badly that i’m willing to be abused and exploited and manipulated in the hope of gaining a woman’s love

[whimsicalpoet44]

My fourth house profection year is already fourth house profectioning. (is that even a word?)

Cycle breaker probs, am I right?

Anyways...since I'm feeling unhinged and chaotic from an unwarranted interaction with my mother tonight, here's a new post 😂

Placements in my mother's birth chart that explain why I'm traumatized 😂 and how it affected my birth chart (An actual visualization of generational trauma in a birth chart + how our placements interacted)

I know some people don't like to share their personal placements for various valid reasons. But I've always been an open book and like to use myself as an example to help make things make sense, since I can explain how it's applicable really easily. It's the teacher Sag traits. And I don't mind it.

I'll give a trigger warning, since I'm talking about generational trauma. But I don't go into heavy detail about it (besides ineffective communication styles). Just casual mention of the area of life it's related to.

**Note: If you have these placements, know that having these absolutely do not mean you're a bad person or are bound to traumatize someone. I'm simply showing how a parent/child birth chart can correlate. It also can show how unhealed placements can react. Not everyone with these same placements acts this way. This is just how it reacts with my mom's personality and experiences. This is simply for fun and synastry. + to give a literal visualization of generational trauma in the birth chart **

I also hope this doesn't come off as insensitive. But if I don't laugh, I'll cry. I tried to keep it humorous, while offering a subjective and objective take simultaneously. And I like to see different ways placements can play out. Because they can play out completely differently per person. So I figured I would share it for anyone whose fascinated by this stuff like I am.

💥Aries Sun (mom) vs. Sagittarius Sun (me). These placements are usually seen as a great pair...however in a parent-child relationship, it was a nightmare (for my circumstances. Obviously this could be great for someone else). A lot of expectations were placed on me, and if I didn't answer her or react to her in a timely manner, it was catastrophic. Of course, I had a ton of leadership qualities and this angered her. She wanted to control me. I valued my freedom. I needed freedom. She could NOT handle the idea that I was my own person with my own identity and tried to live out her ego through me.

💥Aries Moon (mom) vs. Pisces Moon (me). I soaked up EVERYTHING. I could feel subliminal shifts in the air, and I was constantly accommodating her emotions. She would rage based on her mood and then would quickly forget she ever did it. She would treat me as if nothing had ever happened. As a Pisces Moon, this was so confusing for me. I was super sensitive and feared rejection. I was also really passive, which allowed her to dominant my emotions. She trauma dumped on me constantly. And I allowed her to because I was really compassionate and craved approval. The positives of Aries Moon would shine through every once in while, but it rarely benefitted me. (Cause I was the scapegoat). In fact, I would use the manipulative side of Pisces to shift her emotions to try to keep myself safe. It took years to unlearn this.

💥Aries Mercury (mom) vs. Sagittarius Mercury (me). We both did well thinking on our feet. We were both able to sustain the stamina needed to engage each other in arguments. I had a DEEP innate sense of justice (hello neurodivergency and Sag), while she had a narrow way of thinking. The goal was never to expand her mind, it was to win the battle of wits. Which she rarely did. I paid deeply for that 😂 but it was worth the satisfaction. Had she healed and worked on her self-growth, she could've been a fierce advocate for herself, me, and others. Instead, she cared solely about being right. I love Aries Mercury individuals, because they have so many strengths. But when someone only cares to control others, the negative traits are fiercely obvious. She also took my need to question the world as questioning her authority, so that was fun. It took a while to undo the habit of playing mind games for me, too (which Sag mercury is great at lol).

💥Pisces Mars (mom) vs. Sagittarius Mars (me). She'd make threats and fail to follow through on them. This placement might've been good for her if her Chiron wasn't also in Pisces...in the 5th house. *blinks aggressively* One of Pisces Mars' strengths is to express anger and emotion through a creative outlet. With a wound in her house of creativity and the sign of imagination....well, yeah. With Mars in Sag in the 12th, I was great at following through on my words and I definitely had a creative outlet for all of the pent up aggression. I think she got jealous of this at times.

💥Scorpio Rising (mom) vs. Capricorn Rising (me). Ahahahahah I'm just going to sit here and laugh at this one. No wonder it was always volatile. She was constantly transforming and I was constantly seeking structure. I was also big on accountability. She was ruled by the planet of death, destruction, and transformation. I was ruled by the planet of authority, accountability, and boundaries.

To make it clear, most of my friends are Scorpio risings and we work excellent together. We provide insight and have really similar life experiences in very different ways. In a healthy parent-child relationship, this is probably a great pairing. But a toxic one?? AHAHAH. Especially if the parent is constantly changing and the child is seeking structure (in an unhealthy environment). I imagine in a healthy dynamic, Scorpio Rising parents can provide their children with valuable life skills by teaching them resilience and adaptability.

💥Saturn in the 4th House (mom) vs. Saturn in the 3rd House (me). The 4th house is the house of family, home, and the mother. When I say my grandma was awful? oof. My mom definitely had mommy issues (but alas, so do I). She literally had blockages and hardships in the family & home. I was the family and home 😂 She also dealt with an incredible amount of trauma as a child. I really do feel for her. I can even excuse some of what she did if she just tried to be better now. She has the resources available to her to grow and heal, and she knows they're there and actively chooses not to use them. THAT is what I have a hard time with.

With my Saturn in the 3rd, I find it hard to connect with others. I have issues feeling like my voice holds power. A lot of the wounding with Saturn in the 3rd comes in childhood. It can also indicate issues with siblings. My brother and I had different childhood experiences because of our age gap. We had totally different parents even though we were raised by the same people. Part of that is because my Dad died when I was so young (LOL @ my Sun in the 12th).

Connecting Generational Trauma

Now here is where I can start drawing really cool parallels. Try to stay with me. I'll explain it the best I can.

My IC 4th House is in Aries, which is my mom's sun sign. IC In Aries indicates a volatile relationship in the home and family, often having an aggressive parental figure. Which it was.

Now, my Lilith is in Cancer. Cancer rules the 4th House. Cancer Lilith's are largely known for working through ancestral trauma on the maternal side. My mom's Saturn is also in the 4th house, indicating ancestral trauma from the maternal side.

My Chiron is in Libra. My North Node is in Libra. And my Lilith is in the 7th House. Libra and the 7th house are the house/sign of relationships. Usually affiliated with romantic relationships, but it can highlight other relationships as well. This is significant because my Lilith in Cancer in the 7th House is indicating a wounded relationship with the mother (among other things, but I'm focusing on this part).

However, my mom has had a long and toxic history regarding her romantic partners. Her Venus is in the 7th House. Which is an interesting observation to note as well.

Overall, this is LITERALLY a visual example of generational trauma being passed down in a birth chart. I think it's kinda neat.

ANOTHER observation is that her Venus is in Taurus in the 7th House. My Saturn in my placidus chart is in the 2nd house...which is the house of Taurus. My mom's side has a long history of toxic marriages. Something, I'm currently working through. Where my Lilith also is. WILD.

Additionally, my brother's Lilith is in Aries (my mom's sun sign) in the 7th House (same house as mine). TELL ME THAT'S NOT WILD. My brother's Saturn placement is also in the 2nd in his Placidus, like mine.

It gets even more bizzare. My brother's daughter has her Chiron in Pisces in the 5th. Literally handing that down to her from my mom.

This is why I love astrology. Back to observations.

💥We both have Neptune in the 1st. Neptune in the 1st is prone to being projected on. We projected our insecurities on one another, often making rash assumptions.

💥Her Chiron is in Pisces in the 5th. Her Jupiter is in Pisces in the 5th. This indicates that her luck and abundance is directly tied to her Chiron wound. And if she avoids working on it....well...yeah. And she had really terrible luck, ngl.

💥Her IC 4th House (the house of home | family | mother) is in Aquarius. My brother is an Aquarius Sun and stellium. I'm flabbergasted. My niece's IC is also in Aquarius.

Conclusion

There's a lot more, but that's just a few examples. I think it's neat.

This wasn't meant to be a trauma dump. Rather, a generational examination of birth charts. It helped me process some stuff too. And I figured others might find it helpful.

I joke a lot about my placements being awful and terrible, but I really do like them. I think it's just because I'm processing. And I like to joke.

I don't know who I'd be without my 12th house | Neptune in the 1st | Cap Rising placements. They make me who I am. And I like the strengths that come with them, even if it's isolating at times.

Some people find superiority in having extremely hard placements, by using them to discount others experiences. I will never do that and if I do, please call me on it.

But it's important to note that in astrology, there just are really difficult placements. It's bound to happen. And we each get some.

Every single birth chart will have challenging placements. Every single one.

it's just that some people end up with a little (or a lot) more than others. And sometimes, I believe, that it might be attributed to generational trauma.

So there you have it. An analysis of generational trauma across 3 generations in astrology. I wish I had my grandma's birth time just to see. But if you have your parents charts, I HIGHLY recommend looking at them. It can help you understand some of your placements a little more.

Also, if anyone disagreed with this analysis, I'd love to hear why. I love learning how others interpret.

[muffinrecord]

Lots of thoughts on this one. This is for her awakening, which makes this kind of curious. A lot of megucas will have statements about their goals or their powerup here, so Ranka speaking more broadly and talking about a group rather than herself is curious and worth noting.

Additionally, I think it’s very interesting that she links a powerup to sacrifice. The reason Ranka is strong is linked to sacrifices.

Is it the situation? She’s sacrificed living in one place to live with the enemy? Is it the sacrifices the Promised Blood made to survive?

Are the sacrifices people? How people were treated? People who died?

There is an undercurrent here, that I might be reading a little bit too much into, but given how linked Ranka and Ao are, I think is still appropriate. Ranka views herself as weak. Physically? I dunno. Mentally? Yes. I think Ranka definitely views herself as a weak person who can’t do what is right when the time is needed for it. All the people she’s had to trample on to survive... and now she’s stronger for it. It’s such a horrible place to be in, to become strong and to feel like you don’t deserve it.

The sacrifices “we’ve” made... hmm. It makes me feel like she’s distancing herself from her power-up by phrasing it as a boon for her group. It also makes me feel like she views herself as a tool.

It also makes me think that this is her way of honoring those whose lives were changed negatively by her. Her view of hope is of making herself into something where sacrifices won’t be wasted.

On one hand, this simple quote feels like a way of her wallowing in self-hatred, on the other it feels like a way of finding hope through pain. She can’t undo the past, but she can make sure the past travels with her.

“We’ve” in this sense isn’t a distancing tactic from the past. It’s her way of bringing everyone she’s hurt with her into the future. They helped forge her into what she is, and she wants to make sure that pain isn’t forgotten.