#unfuck your dash

[instantpansies]

nooo dashboard unfucker seems to finally no longer be supported :'((( i was waiting it out and it looks like it's finally been surpassed by an update/patch/smth

i totally understand the creator's reasons for no longer maintaining the project, but does anyone have any suggestions for alternatives? i just want my un-twitterified dash back :/ like i actually hate the way vanilla tumblr looks and works

[kanamesengoku]

about to start formatting every post like this just so people know who i am

[greyias]

Oh look, it seems everyone has been opted into the unfortunate "experiment" now. For everyone who has been blissfully using the old UI up until now, welcome to hell :)

Do you not like hell? Do you want to leave and crawl back up into the sunlight of the old UI? Well, have I got a link for you! A beautiful tumblr user (who is not me) has gone and fixed things beautifully for you already: https://github.com/enchanted-sword/dashboard-unfucker

You will need to have Tampermonkey installed on your browser of choice, and once that's done, just go to the github link above, and peruse the readme to install. And voila! You have your old dash back!

The authors of XKit Rewritten said during the experiments that at the time, since this was an "experiment" they weren't going to implement anything to revert to the old UI (although who knows if they'll do it now). And the dashboard unfucker has worked beautifully enough for me to where I genuinely couldn't tell if they had ended the experiment or not.

[newspecies]

WHERE DID I GO

[medicinemane]

Sitting here going "wait... where the fuck are my messages?"

Then I realize... the unfucker didn't load when I opened a new tab to write a post in... wow this version of the dashboard is ass... just unfuck your dash, literally everyone wants that

Unfuck the dash if you ever want crab day again, I'm not joking, I really doubt people would do it again at this point

[cashewally-sarcastic]

random thought but i wonder how many people downloaded the dashboard unfucker

like i just think that would be an interesting statistic to know tbh

[enchantedtv]

For anyone hit with the new update today, install Dashboard Unfucker v3.6.0a here. Just make sure that you have the TamperMonkey extension installed on your browser first so that it will work. It comes with advanced settings to restore the icons on the dash, just check "re-add icons to reblogs". Thanks to @yappatadwinks for helping me get things working

Dashboard unfucker no longer works, but there is @pixiel 's layout that mimics the old tumblr layout called old tumblr dashboard, which works with the Stylus extension so go get that.

[emperorundying]

TLT Dash Simulator pt 3

🪦 crossedrhodes Follow

just found out my gf died 7 months ago and ive been being catfished by some necromancer using her beguiling corpse i hope the devils get me

💊 heptanary-secretary Follow

omg imagine the meetcute tho... op talk to the necro

🐮 hucowjimin Follow

OP has powerful necro baddies in his area and is abt to fumble due to the grief

( 577 notes )

🦴 femur-i-hardly-know-er Follow

( 18,012 notes )

🗝️ darkjackgaius Follow

my horny ass could never be a flesh magician

🗝️ darkjackgaius Follow

easy website.

( 41,902 notes )

💣 fuckable-fascists-bracket Follow

📜 sarpedonefang1rl Follow

and whos fucking surprised. of course the recency bias strikes again

⚜️ awes-ashtray

Some1 is angry their old man bias is unfuckable 💀💀💀 Argue with the wall.

#a vote for awe is a vote against coquetteposters #the fact that therez an entire fandom for the weirdo oldhead fascies is soooo craz to me ngl. #we r voting on most fuckable here. that is da blogs point. #your blorbo is geriatric his dick dont work :(

( 6,192 notes )

🐱 cohortcatgirl Follow

I’ve seen a lot of bad information circulating about what happens when the cohort converts a thalergenic planet to a thanergy planet so I wanted to clear up some misconceptions ^u^

Converting a planet does NOT make it unable to sustain life. If thanergenic planets couldn't sustain life, no1 would be able to live on the nine houses!!!

The wildlife does NOT get mutated. How would that even work? I stj people they don't hurt the wildlife, they only affect the planets! The 'varmints have best friends' campaign is honestly just in bad faith :((

Devils are NOT real and if they were you should really stop posting about their tongues [weird!] U guys really cannot tell what is and isn't fearmongering these days and itz kind of concerning ngl

Keep reading

💀 towerofficial ☑️

worth a read :)

🐱 cohortcatgirl Follow

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

#HAIII MR UNDYING :3

(9,114 notes )

⛓️ siphonslut

being held down by my bone magician's constructs is something spiritual fr. skeledoms there is a special place for you in the emperor's eyes 😩😩😩

#nsft #c4n #cav4necro #osseoromantic

( 241 notes )

👤 is-the-emperor-undying-dead-yet-deactivated-2917483

nope.

💀 towerofficial ☑️

It's in the name how are you guys not getting this by now

👤 is-the-emperor-undying-dead-yet-deactivated-2917483

💀 towerofficial ☑️

mods can we ban this guy

( 12,187 notes )

[actual-changeling]

A small 'this is how you use tumblr' for the people that haven't been here very long. These are in no particular order, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask them!

Since I probably did not mention a lot of things, you are welcome to add to this post with your own advice.

a) Reblog posts. if you like it, reblog it. even if you have zero followers and ESPECIALLY if it's art or writing of any kind. We will see the reblog in our notifications and that alone brings joy. One reblog can start a chain and push the post onto many people's dashes.

b) Tumblr is not a very functional website, if you want to survive without losing your mind, there are two things you need: xkit rewritten and dashboard unfucker. Play around with the settings until it is to your liking. Additionally, change to firefox if you haven't already and install ublock origin to get rid of ads, tracking etc.

c) If you go to your settings (account! not blog) you can find this under dashboard at the bottom. Turn off at the very least 'best stuff first' since that will fuck up your dash and not give you posts in chronological order.

The rest are a perfonal preference but it will keep your dash tidy and easy to control if you turn them off, too.

d) Apropos settings—get a profile picture, a header, write something human in your bio, anything. Otherwise people will assume you are a bot and block you on sight.

e) Blocking! Do it generously and whenever you want, this is how you keep whatever remains of your sanity. It's not a lethal offense, it is (usually) not even seen as rude or anything along those lines. You block people and they block you and everyone is happy.

f) Under account settings you will find this:

Just like with blocking, use both options to your heart's content.

g) Tumblr is not like other social media platforms, spam liking & reblogging and going three years deep into someone's account is NORMAL and encouraged. You can search a blog by post type, tags, or even go to the archive and scroll through the posts there.

h) Lastly—interaction. We already went over reblogging (I mean it, REBLOG), but there are also replies and asks. If you add something to someone else's post please behave like a kind human being and don't be an asshole; based on my experience, that's easier said than done. On top of that, the tags are ALSO used for communication, go unhinged, ramble, leave your thoughts, or simply use them for organisational purposes. Everyone loves a good insane tag wall.

An open inbox (either anonymously or with your blog attached) is to be used! Please send people asks if they have them active, use it like DMs or a comment section, use it to recommend something, ask questions, participate in an ask or prompt game—we love asks here.

(We do not like harassment in our inboxes, same rules as above.)

[cuubism]

Silly rabbit au! Silly rabbit au! (But no pressure though)

ok i finally got around to writing a little more so here :)

(@magnusbae relevant to recent conversations...)

--

“You know," Hob said, "I once overheard a student say I was ‘unfuckable, but definitely marriage material.’”

“That is astoundingly rude,” Dream sniffed. “You are eminently fuckable.”

“That’s the part you thought was rude?”

“I would fuck you,” Dream insisted, as if it was a point of personal pride.

“That ship’s sailed. And, you know, I don’t think I want my students thinking about me like that anyway.” 

“The others do,” Dream said, dashing Hob’s hopes. “Some of them.”

Hob cringed. “Just because you read minds doesn’t mean I want to.”

“I do not–”

“Yeah, yeah, daydreams, I know.” Hob had gotten many a lecture on the matter.

“I must agree on the marriage question, however,” Dream added.

That stopped all of Hob’s thought processes. “Hm?” he said, eloquently.

Dream just looked at him expectantly, as if Hob should know what response he was supposed to give to this. 

“I mean,” Hob floundered, “I guess I have been married before, at least. Only fucked it up… a lot.” 

Dream gave him a half-smile. Not quite ease, but certainly less pained than the last time this topic had come up. “If that is a contest, I am the winner.” 

Hob couldn’t even disagree on that, not even to spare Dream’s pride.

“However–” Dream continued. 

Never a good start to a sentence.

“I happen to think that–” 

And he stuttered, stumbling over his words. That caught Hob’s attention. Dream didn’t stumble. He either spoke, or he didn’t, but he didn’t trip halfway through.

“Dream?” Hob took his hands. “What?”

“If you would permit several missteps,” Dream started, careful and deliberate now, “the… attempts of one unpracticed in this art–”

What the fuck–

“I would be. Honored. To try again and prove your students right.”

Hob tried to pick through that quagmire of a sentence. Dream watched him intently, uncertainty flashing in his eyes when Hob didn’t immediately respond.

“Are you saying you don’t think you’re marriage material?” Then the actual pertinent question caught up to him with a lurching sensation. “Wait, are you asking me to marry you?”

“For permission to try,” Dream said, nodding. “Yes.”

Hob dragged him into a hug, held him tightly in his arms. “You don’t have to try, you idiot,” he said, choking up, “you don’t have to get perfect at it like with your damn sculptures. Don’t you know you’ve belonged to me for centuries?”

He realized belatedly he’d meant to phrase that more like I’ve belonged to you, but Dream only said, “Yes. Yes,” with a relieved sigh.

Hob kissed the side of his head. “Good.”

“Husband,” Dream murmured, the word reverberating through Hob’s chest. Hob was about to protest that they weren’t actually married, not yet, but who knew how it worked for a dream lord, anyway? What were human formalities in comparison to their years, in comparison to choosing, over and over again, outliving any church, any government bureau that might hand out pieces of paper?

Hob wasn’t sure if talking about it made every difference, or if it made no difference at all. He supposed he’d figure it out eventually, as he always did.

When they’d been standing there for a while, just breathing together, Hob said, “We’ve learned so much from my students today. What do they think about you, I wonder?”

“Fuckable, but not marriage material,” Dream said, deadpan, and Hob hid his laugh in Dream’s shoulder.

“It’s because you’re too pretty. You’re like a wild thing and they aren’t meant to be caught. Would it amuse you to prove them wrong rather publicly?”

Dream hummed in satisfaction. “I will consider an appropriately dramatic venue,” he said, and Hob laughed again, squeezing him tighter.

[aropride]

how to install dashboard unfucker (for desktop)

hi i use desktop and i use the dashboard unfucker extension by dragongirlsnout and you should too because it's awesome. i don't know much about computers so it was intimidating to set up but ended up being really easy.

but first:

what is dashboard unfucker?

dashboard unfucker is an extention that makes being on tumblr bearable again.

(ID: 2 screenshots of tumblr with urls/posts etc censored. the first is with the new layout, with labels on the left, the ad-free button, "check out these blogs," "explore all of tumblr," the radar, and no easy way to access your own blog. the second is with the extension enabled, the left hand side of the screen is empty, posts are wider, navigation icons are back at the top right, and the only thing on the right-hand side of the dash is the dashbaord unfucker and limit checker and tag replacer from xkit. end ID)

i got it for layout changes like these- the first is cramped and ugly and i feel like i'm on twitter. the second is warm and comfy and i can make my posts wider (i dont like all the empty space). (limit checker, tag replacer, and post color were done on xkit and palettes respectively, not unfucker, btw)

with the dashboard unfucker you can:

hide the following/blog subs/for you etc tabs

get rid of the changes/staff picks/etc carousel

hide recommended blogs and tags

add profile pics back to posts

hide the radar

hide the explore page

hide tumblr shop

hide user badges

highlight bots in ur activity feed

show who follows u in the activity feed

make posts wider/slimmer and move the dash posts position to the left/right

revert messages design (and make the messages box bigger)

revert activity feed to the old design

display vote counts on polls

show poll results without clicking (no more skewing polls or "see results"!!)

disable tumblr domains

add polls to reblogs

disable "post without tags?"

show ns.fw posts

and other things that i probably missed copying this from the settings!!

so how do you do it? it seems scary but it's easy actually. take my hand

(note: i did this on firefox and tested it on chrome, i'm not familiar with other browsers, also use firefox if at all possible fuck chrome)

how to install dashboard unfucker

step 1: install either tampermonkey, tampermonkey beta, greasemonkey, or violentmonkey (if you don't already have it)

note: im using tampermonkey as an example because it's what i use

step 2a: go to firefox extensions/chrome web store/your browser's equivalent

step 2b: look up "tampermonkey" and click "add to firefox/chrome/whatever" and confirm

step 2c: you're done! yayyy

step 2: click this link. look under "installation" where it says "Click on unfucker.user.js to install or update". and click that

(ID: a screenshot of the tampermonkey install page, showing dashboard unfucker v5.7.8 installation information, the source code, and the install/cancel button. end ID)

(it should open in a new tab and look like this)

step 3: click install! (when i did this it didn't look like much happened and i got scared. dont get scared take my hand)

step 4: go to www.tumblr.com and to the right of the dash it'll have the dashboard unfucker label to the right!

(ID: the default dash again, but with the dashboard unfucker title at the top right of the right-hand side of the dash. end ID)

step 5: click the little gear icon and all the options will pop up! u can fuck around with em to ur heart's content. i recommend exporting after ur done and saving it somewhere in case u have to uninstall/reinstall to troubleshoot or smth

you're done! now u can see the results of polls without clicking them and other such things

(ID: a poll i have not voted on. it has 17 votes and 23h 56m remaining. the title is "poll :)" and the answers are "answer 1" "answer 2" and "see results". there are no percentage labels, but the amount each answer has is indicated by light blue bars in each result, as they would be if i had voted. end ID) note: i'm not sure how/if this aspect of the extension is indicated for screenreaders

THIS POST IS TRANSGENDER BTW!

[hellfirexclub]

You shook me all night long, part 1.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: You agree to be the stand in for Lucas in the campaign and are certainly not expecting to meet someone like Eddie Munson. Pining ensues.

Warnings: This particular part is mostly just fluff, little bit of sexual tension but its obviously gunna get spicy later. Mutual pining, idiots in love, friends to lovers, maybe a bit of slowburn cause I just love the pre confession tension.

Authors Notes: I finally finished this first chapter!! This is the first Eddie piece I started writing and is my baby so I hope you all enjoy. Next chapter is now out!

“Cmon y/n, pleaaaase? No one else will do it.” Dustin was putting it on thick right now, dramatically batting his eyelashes and pouting at you like a lost puppy. You’d only just got in from work when he and Mike practically burst down your door, ranting and raving about how they’ve just been everywhere and everyone was either too busy or uninterested to play dnd with them tonight. And it wasn’t that you didn’t want to play, you loved doing campaigns with them, but you were exhausted after work. You pulled a face that showed you were about to say no, making Mike join in with Dustin’s antics, both of them putting their hands together in a begging motion. You chuckled at their antics and shook your head at them, sighing in defeat.

“Who’s going to be there?” You ask, nervous about the potential of having to meet new people. 

“Just the members of hellfire! They’re great y/n, you’ll love them” Mike chimes in happily, assuring you there’s nothing to be nervous about. 

“…What time?” You ask, resulting in whoops and air pumps from the two boys at having suckered you in. They told you the time and said they’d meet you outside the building, both squeezing you to the bones in a tight hug and then dashing off into the night. You shook your head again and smiled as you watched them disappear into the dark. “These kids will be the death of me.”

You’d met the whole gang through Steve and Robin, who you’d become good buddies with when you moved to Hawkins despite being older than them. You certainly hadn’t expected the upside down and monsters side of moving to a small town and making friends, but the experience gave you a bond with everyone that was unbreakable. The boys knew you were like an older sister, they could come to you for anything and you’d say yes. And that’s what got you in this predicament, standing in front of the mirror to triple check your outfit before leaving so you’re not late. It was a cute but comfortable top and skirt combo, obviously adorned with a bunch of rings and earrings, ripped tights and a pair of creepers. You weren’t exactly a popular girl, you had your own kind of whimsigoth style going for you that some people thought was a bit strange. And sure you’d been called a freak by the likes of the basic jocks and cheerleaders, but a lot of these jocks had also tried to hit on you back in school so what did that tell you. And Steve, ladies man extraordinaire, had been head over heels for you when you’d first met him so you figured you couldn’t be too unfuckable. 

You set off before you could second guess the outfit choice again, noticing that you’d have to speed walk to not be late and hold up the campaign. Mike was waiting outside when you showed up and flashed you a big smile.

“Great y/n good timing, Dustin just went in now to let Eddie know you’re coming. Let’s go!” He said eagerly, tugging on your arm and dragging you inside. You could hear Dustin’s voice echoing in the distance and could just make out the words he was saying.

“We’ve got our sub, Mikes just outside waiting for her now” he said excitedly. “She’s a family friend basically.” 

You heard a second, deeper voice reply in clear shock.

“She?!” 

“Yeah, she’s a great player. I think you guys will really get along” Dustin surmises, leaving Eddie to nod in response. Must be some nerd kid in their class or something, he thought. Well, she’d probably be nice enough.

“We’re here, sorry!” Mike calls as you guys walk up the last stretch of hallway. 

“Good because if you were late and held up this campaign, Wheeler, I’d have-” Eddie stopped in his tracks when he saw you walk in behind Mike, jaw dropping for a moment before he quickly gathered himself and closed his mouth. He looked at you up and down, taking in every detail that was the ethereal beauty of you standing before him. He literally couldn’t believe his eyes, the most smoking hot girl of his dreams had just walked into his game night, wanting to play dnd with him. Just what had Eddie done in a past life to be treated so well. Moreover, how the hell did the kids even know you, you were clearly much older, about his age if he had to guess. 

“Guys this is y/n and she’s about to kick your asses” You give a small twinkly laugh at Mike’s words and smile shyly into the room, saying hello to everyone. Eddie felt a dagger to his heart when you let out that gorgeous laugh, feeling as though he’s in a drunken stupor while he looked at you. He was taken out of his reverie when he noticed the other members had also acknowledged how hot you were, all stealing glances at you while you were introduced to them, at various parts of you that made anger begin to bubble up in his chest. Before he could mull any of it over you and Mike were standing right in front of where he was sitting, and he could see just how pretty you were up close.

“And finally y/n, this is Eddie, our dungeon master.” Mike introduces. You smile at Eddie sweetly, eyes glowing as you reach out a hand to shake his. 

“Hi Eddie, it’s a pleasure to meet you” you say softly. How is her voice so angelic, he thinks to himself as his hand reaches out shakily to meet yours. He feels a shiver run through his body as your fingers meet, a spark flying through his arm at the contact. Your hand lingered on his for just a moment too long and he wondered if you’d felt it too. He prayed you had. 

“Oh I can assure you the pleasure is all mine” he said back to you, a glimmer of tease in his voice that wasn’t unnatural for him, going unnoticed by the boys. But you looked into his lidded eyes deeply, before your eyes shifted down to his lips for the briefest moment. 

“So Eddie, do you accept our offering of substitute?” Dustin asks jokingly, eager to get the game started. Eddie narrows his eyes and smiles a cheeky, shit eating grin at you. He stands from his chair with a slam of his hands into the desk, and walks around it slowly until he was towering over you. You crane your neck and look up at him, not allowing him to intimidate you as his face moves closer to yours. He hates to admit it but his heart is about to beat out of his chest from being so close to you, but he doesn’t let that show through his bad boy act. 

“What’s your class and level? Level one dwarf?” He says teasingly, raising an eyebrow cockily at you. Some of the boys snicker quietly at Eddie’s interrogation. You lick your lips, eyes glinting as you flash him a teasing smile of your own. Eddie swears he dies seeing you look at him like that. 

“I’m a chaotic neutral elf druid, level 13. And whatever monster you throw my way will die a gruesome death of being reclaimed by nature and dragged six feet underground.” Eddie’s eyebrows raised, awed that you actually knew that you were talking about. Fuck you were the perfect woman. “So, are we gonna do this, or are we going to keep chitchatting like this is your mommy’s book club?” You say, cocking your head to the side as the smirk still played on your lips. Eddie smiled, wider and more sincerely than he thinks he has in years. 

“Welcome to hellfire” he breathed, watching you intently as Mike and Dustin cheered and hugged you before leading you to the table. You took one long glance back at Eddie and smiled at him sweetly to show him your thanks before sitting down. Eddie smiled back dreamily, still watching you until Gareth brought him back with a knowing elbow nudge and a chuckle. Holy shit he’s got it bad for you. Eddie nudged Gareth back harder with a laugh and then went to gather his things to start the game. 

God you certainly weren’t expecting this when you were asking to come out tonight. As you entered the room behind Mike, your eyes were drawn to the metalhead that was presently scolding him in a melodically deep voice. He looks up at you and stops his sentence, and you almost melt into a puddle as you get a good look of him. Damn you did not expect one of their nerd friends to be this hot. You noted his long messy hair that framed his face perfectly, his big brown eyes, the sexy rocker outfit, those lips... He was literally gorgeous, your stomach fluttered as you peeled your eyes away from him to be introduced to the members. You felt your face heat up when Mike finally walked you over to the mysterious guy, introducing him as Eddie the dm. You smile sweetly as you greet him, reaching your hand out to shake his and hoping he didn’t hear the nervousness in your voice. His cool rings meet your fingers, big hand gripping yours firmly and sending a sparking surge up your arm. You swallow to dispel the fluttering in your chest. You couldn’t help but look down and admire his hand for a moment, running your eyes over the rings that adorn his fingers before realising you may have been holding his hand for too long and pulling away. He responds to you in a tone that makes you instantly want to hear him whispering sweet nothings into your ears. You watch him carefully, wondering if his teasing tone was anything more than just playful banter. Dustin makes a move to start the game and Eddie stands up, walking around the desk towards you. Your heart was racing as he finally came to stand in front of you, craning your head to look up at him. He’s taller than you thought, and you had to admit him towering over you and leaning down to your face had you feeling flustered. He looked even better up close, his lips were so soft and kissable. Eddie gives a shit eating grin and drops his level one dwarf line, and you can’t help but to smirk and challenge him back. You feel a surge of confidence as you speak, loving the shock and impress you’ve written on the cocky boys features. Mike and Dustin instantly pull you into cheerful hugs when Eddie welcomes you to the club and pull you away to the table. You look back at Eddie once more before you sit down, noticing he was still watching you and send a shy smile his way before averting your eyes back to Dustin. The boys were talking over each other excitedly but you weren’t hearing any words, heart still thumping as you took occasional glances over at Eddie. 

The campaign Eddie had crafted was really incredible, you had to say. You admired his creative talent and his dedication to providing the atmosphere for the game with his theatrics. He had you all fully immersed for hours before the game finally game to an end, with you throwing the fatal roll. Everyone exploded into hollers and cheers, and Eddie jumped back in amused shock, uttering a what?!. 

“That’s why we play!” Eddie exclaims loudly, spreading his arms across the board in a bow towards you. You feel your cheeks heat up again at his movements, giddy from the win and the fact his eyes were still burning into yours, a look you couldn’t quite place on his face. He’d focused on you a lot during the game, throwing a lot of teasing comments and stolen glances your way, all that you assumed was just him testing the newbie. But something in you hoped it was more than just banter.

Everyone started to peel off quickly after the celebration considering how late it was. You saw Eddie had been left by himself to tidy the game away as his friends got their jackets on and left. You took a deep breath and put down your bag, summoning your courage to go up to him. You begin to help him putting the pieces away and he looks up at you with wide eyes and a bashful smile.

“Hey you don’t have to help with that sweetheart” he says kindly, taking the pieces from your hand, to which you shake your head and grab some more. You have to resist squeezing your legs together when you hear him call you sweetheart. 

“Oh it’s okay, it’s not fair that you have to tidy it up alone” you say with a warm smile, putting a hand on his arm reassuringly before going back to tidying. Eddies skin scorches where you touch him, feeling heat creep up his neck and onto his cheeks. He wants to do something crazy, like ask you out or straight up pull you into a kiss, but he convinces himself against it. He’s just Eddie Munson the freak, a girl like you would never be interested in him. Would you? 

“The campaign was amazing by the way. I loved the Vecna plot twist” you tell him, eyes glowing excitedly. Eddies heart swells at your compliments, rubbing the back of his head and laughing bashfully.  

“And you are quite the player, I shouldn’t have underestimated you” he looks at you with his big eyes and you want to melt. 

“Damn right, I told you I’d kill anything you threw at me” you say with a playfully raised eyebrow. 

You bend over the table to retrieve the last piece and carefully plop it in the box, giving Eddie a perfect view of your round ass that he can’t tear his eyes away from. He quickly looks away as you lean back up and give him a triumphant smile. “All done!” Eddie flashes a grin at you, thinking how radiantly cute you looked saying that. 

“Thanks for the help sweetheart, it’s nice to be thought of for once.” Eddie mutters with a wistful smile. He’d just met you and yet you were so kind towards him, how were you this sweet and still talking to him? Eddie grabs his jacket and throws it on before grabbing the game box and motioning in a slight bow towards the door. “After you milady.” You laugh at this, the sound melodic to his ears. You lead him out of the room and Eddie feels his heart begin to speed up as you walk down the hallway together. He didn’t want this night to end with you but how could he ask you to stay and not sound weird? You gotta be cool about it Eddie, just be cool, he thinks to himself nodding his head cooly in reality as he reassures himself. 

He clears his throat and turns to you as you both step outside, making you look up at him with those pretty eyes.

“Hey, you doing anything after this?” He asks casually, flipping his lighter open and lighting a cigarette he’d seemingly pulled out of nowhere. Your eyes linger on his lips wrapped around the cigarette and then his hand pulling it away. You stare entranced at his veins before responding.

“Well it’s 11pm so my only plans are going home and falling asleep in front of the tv. Why, you got a plan?” You ask, eyes glinting as you waiting for his next words. 

“Well if you want we can head back to my place, I live with my uncle but he works nights so we got it to ourselves. I can play you some of the records I told you about earlier” he says cooly, trying to disguise the nervousness he really felt. You beamed at this and he let out a quiet sigh of relief through his nose.

“Yeah I’d love that!” you say more eagerly then you’d have liked. Despite how nice he actually was Eddie still had an intimating persona and you wanted him to think you were cool too, not a desperate little groupie. 

“Sweet” he says before taking a long drag of his cigarette. He holds in your direction as he exhales and nods towards you, silently asking if you’d like any. You happily oblige and take the cigarette from his fingers, tingling where yours brush against his. “I’ve got one stop I need to make first but it’s on the way” he says, checking the watch on his wrist and grimacing at the time. “Aaand I’m actually already late for it so chop chop” he says ushering you towards his van and into the front seat.

“What’s the stop?” You asks curiously, flicking the remnants of the cigarette on the floor and slamming the door shut. 

“I- well, it’s uh” Eddie stops in his tracks, unsure if he should mention it’s to drop off some drugs to a client. He doesn’t want to scare you off if you’re not into that, he can’t blow it with you already. You laugh playfully at the gibberish he spat out, raising a questioning eyebrow at him to continue. Fuck it, he wasn’t going to lie to you.

“I’m going to drop off some weed to a client” he confesses slowly, smiling at you nervously as he gauges your reaction. 

“You’re a dealer??” you quickly respond, whipping your head round to look at him. He swallows hard at your question and nods carefully, noting the octave your voice had just raised. Shit he’s blown it. Suddenly you smile widely and grab his arm. “Eddie you are a lifesaver!” He blinks at you in confusion and you can’t help but chuckle at his deer in the headlights expression. “I’ve been looking for a new dealer since my last guy skipped town” you explain, chuckling at the relief that washes over his features. “I haven’t smoked in three weeks Eddie. Three weeks!” you say, dramatically throwing your hand up to your forehead. Eddie laughs at your antics and shakes his head to himself, awed once again by how perfect you are for him. He had to make you his, whatever it takes.

“Well don’t worry sweetheart, I think I can help you out” he says with a chuckle, reaching an arm into his backseat and rummaging around before throwing a baggie into your lap. “That ones free of charge, call it a friends discount” he says with a wink, swiping his tongue over his lip in a way that makes you desperate to kiss him. 

“Are you sure?” you say wide eyed, smiling gratefully at him but not wanting him to feel like he ought to. 

“I insist” Eddie says, putting his palm up to reject the very notion. 

“Thanks Eddie” you say, smiling widely at him. “I’ll roll you a joint when we get to yours, to call it even” you say with a playful smile and a nudge to his arm.

“Sounds good to me” he replies with a warm smile. 

The rest of the drive had you and Eddie discover more miscellaneous things you like in common, bands, books, movies, shows. It just made Eddie fall for you harder, wanting to hear everything about you. He’d never felt so close to someone this quickly, so comforted and safe in your presence. It was something he wasn't used to, but this small inclination of what it’s like made his heart ache for it. Eddie discretely parks down the road from the house he was going to, reaching his hand back into the back of his van again. His tongue pokes out of his mouth as he concentrates on finding something in the most adorable look you’d ever seen. He exclaims an ‘aha!’ as he pulls out a metal tin, flashing you a big smile before saying he’d be back in a second. You watch as Eddie strides off, admiring his retreating figure. You take this moment alone to let out a dreamy sigh, your stomach doing backflips. You were falling for this guy fast, he was just so sweet and so fucking hot, what’s a girl to do? Before you could blink Eddie was back again, a bemused look on his face. 

“All okay?” You ask, concerned the dealing may have gone awry.

“Oh yeah, yeah” he says shaking his head and smiling at you. “Just, I don’t know, I feel like there’s something weird going on with that girl. I had this like, bad feeling.” Eddie takes one last look at the house and lets out a dramatic shudder before turning his keys and slamming on the gas. With one hand on the wheel Eddie precariously flips through some tapes before settling on some Ozzy and putting it on. You both sing your hearts out to crazy train as you make the quick journey to his uncles trailer. Eddie jumps out of the van and turns to you, throwing his arm up towards the trailer.

“Welcome to my lair” he says with a smirk. Eddie leads the way into the trailer and through to his bedroom, which you step into with childish wonder. You look around the room at all his things while he throws his jacket off and grabs a box from under his table.

“This is exactly what I’d imagined your bedroom would look like” you say with a laugh. Eddie plonks himself down on the edge of his bed and raises his eyebrows with a grin.

“You’ve imagined being in my bedroom huh?” He says, tongue flitting over his lip as he teases you. This gets your heart racing again, looking up at the boy to roll your eyes playfully. Eddie busies himself with rolling a joint as you snoop around his room before coming to sit beside him, close enough that your thigh is almost touching his. Eddie looks down at your bare thighs and almost stops breathing at the contact, his hands itching to reach out and feel how soft they are. 

“You play?” you ask him, nodding towards his guitar. Eddie takes a moment to register what you said, pushing his thoughts of you to the back of his head and clearing his throat.

“Yeah I’m in a band actually. Corroded coffin, you should come see us play!” He says excitedly. “We play at the hideout on Tuesdays. We actually get a crowd... of about five drunks” he finishes, flashing you a sheepish smile. You laugh, nose scrunching up adorably.

“I bet you’re incredible” you say sincerely, making Eddies heart flutter with pride. “Will you play me something?” you ask with doe eyes. He hides his mouth with his hair and smiles shyly at you, peeking over his hand. 

“Okay, okay if you insist” he says waving a hand and grinning cheekily at you. Eddie licks his lips as he grabs his guitar, pressing a kiss from his fingers to the strings before swinging it over his chest. He plugs it in and wiggles his eyebrows at you before he begins to play, the beginning of master of puppets, you note with excitement. You stare at Eddie’s fingers as he plays, entranced by how fast they move across the guitar and how good they look doing it. Your mind drifts to the other things he could do with such fast, talented fingers. You swallow as you try to look away into his eyes, which were shut as he concentrated on his playing. You nod your head to the music, unable to keep your eyes from going back to his hands since he was too preoccupied to notice. You stare at those damn rings adorning his fingers, looking so fucking hot on him. You just wanted his fingers inside you, bad, and you bite your lip as your mind begins to wonder. You hear Eddie laugh and your eyes shoot up, noticing he had been watching you watch him. You smile innocently as you keep your head nodding, hoping he just thought you were enamoured by his talent and watching how he plays, not the real filth you were entertaining. Eddie ends his riff with a flourish and a bow, and you laugh and clap loudly for him. 

“See I knew it, that was so fucking good!” you say as Eddie smiles bashfully and hangs his guitar back up. 

“Oh you flatter me” he said with a joking wave of his arm, cheeks tinged pink from your compliments. 

“No seriously, you were amazing” you say genuinely, making Eddies heart race. He smiles to himself softly, chest tightening in emotion from how unused he was to hearing so much praise towards him. 

“Thank you” Eddie turns back to you and says bashfully, his eyes soft as he looks at you. He moves to sit back next to you, making sure he was close enough for his leg to be touching yours again, wanting the contact back. You notice this and breathe deeply, wondering if he did it purposely. No, he was just sitting next to you, you can’t start reading into things and embarrass yourself. Eddie moves to finish the half rolled joint but is interrupted by you sliding it across the table in front of you. He raises his eyebrows in amusement and you give him a smirk.

“The deal was that I’d roll you one” you say playfully, reminding him of what you’d said in the car. Eddie moves to his cassettes, flipping through them to find some music to vibe to while you guys smoke. Eddie steals a glance over at you, admiring how cute you looked concentrating on rolling the joint. You catch Eddies eyes as you’re licking the paper, and his breathing gets a little heavier as he imagines that tongue on him instead of the rizla. You innocently flash him a smile as you seal the joint and hold it up triumphantly, and he wonders how you can be so sexy and so cute at the same time. He fingers stop leafing through his cassettes when he comes across ‘photograph’ by def leppard, thinking how fitting the song was for how he was feeling about you. He wasn’t usually into the more tame and romantic glam-rock songs, distancing himself from things that would inevitably make him think of love, as he thought it wasn’t something that was attainable for him. But with his heart racing as you were sat beautifully over on his bed, sparking up the joint with a look of contentment, he was urged to put it on and hope it wasn’t too on the nose. You start bopping your head to the music as Eddie comes back to join you, passing him the joint you’d rolled for him. He turned it over in his hand as if inspecting it with his hand thoughtfully rubbing his chin, doing an act of checking it was ‘up to standards’ for him. You roll your eyes with a laugh and elbow his side gently as he throws you his usual shit eating grin. 

“If you don’t want it I’ll take it back Munson” you warn playfully, smirking back at him. 

“No, no, everything looks good here” he plays back cockily, “You don’t have to demote me to Munson” he says, a hint of pleading in his tone, elbowing you back just so he could get to touch your side. 

You and Eddie mellow out beside each other as you smoke, talking and getting to know more about each others lives until you’d progressively gotten high enough to both be giggling and singing way too loudly to his songs. 

“You sound really pretty when you sing you know” Eddie says, chin resting on his hand and a dreamy haze in his eyes that you mistook as a high gaze. You get shy at his words and give him a small smile, shaking your head. Eddie grabs your shoulders gently, eyes wide and on fire as he looks at you. “You do! Oh my god you should totally sing with my band sometime!” he says quickly, mouth agape in the shock of how good his own idea was. You chuckle at his expression, finding him being so energetic and excitable when he’s high really cute. 

“I don’t really sing in front of people” you say shyly, but appreciative of his praise and really loving the idea of getting to see him at band practise. 

“That’s okay, you can just sing for me then” he says gently, and your heart races at his words. What did he mean by that? Was that a flirt or is he just being more forward because he’s high and more comfortable with you? You didn’t have time to mull it over more because Eddie had pulled out the weed box back out with a cheeky grin. “Round two?” You give him a look of ‘of course’ and he chuckles and starts to roll another two. Your eyes drift to his hands again and Eddie notices this and wonders about it, having recalled that you also were staring intently at them during dnd and when he played guitar. He’d thought nothing of it at the time, assuming you must have been watching how he plays, but he wonders now that you’re doing it again if you actually… liked the way they looked. He tests this theory by pushing up the sleeves of his top up to his elbows, exposing his forearms and delicately making the veins in his hands dance as he rolled. Your eyes follow his hands up his arms and back down again, clearly lost in your own thoughts, and Eddie wasn’t sure how to interpret it. She’s just high man, don’t get ahead of yourself, he tells himself. But he can’t help the flutter of butterflies in his stomach that maybe, possibly, you were attracted to him too. Eddie finishes up rolling and suggests you guys go hang out in the living room, put on a movie on or something. You take charge of picking something while Eddie prepares some microwave popcorn for the two of you, settling on the evil dead. Eddie says an appreciative ‘nice’ when he sees what you’ve picked, settling down next to you and throwing a blanket over you both before putting down the popcorn and an ashtray. 

“Just so you know I’ll probably leave before this finishes, otherwise I’ll be shattered for work” you let him know, making Eddies heart sting as he realises the time. He still doesn’t want to let this night end, he doesn’t want you to leave him. When would the next time he’d even see you be? Eddie couldn’t wait until whenever the next hellfire club meeting would be to be in your company.

“Hey you can crash here for the night, it’s close to your work right? I can’t let a lady go out into the dead of night alone, and I don’t think I could drive you right now” Eddie chuckles, motioning to the lit joint. Your senses fill with relief at his words, not actually wanting to leave at all, but you had to put it out there in case he thought it was weird how long you’d stayed. And he was such a gentleman about it, but you had to feign indifference so as not to seem too excited. 

“Are you sure Eddie? That’s so sweet of you” you ask, smiling at him brightly. 

“Yeah it’s no problem at all” he says, throwing you a toothy smile. It was also past 1am now and you were exhausted, so you were glad to be able to lean back into the sofa and properly wind down now. “I’m going to change, you want some comfy clothes?” Eddie asks you as he gets up and walks towards his room. 

“Oh yes please” you respond happily, a yawn creeping over your features. Eddie wanders into his room and throws on the pjs he’d left on his bed, and then begins to dig through his wardrobe in search of something in particular. He mutters an ‘aha’ to himself as he pulls out the top, his spare hellfire shirt he had ready in case of new recruits. He desperately wanted to see you in it, and considering you were now a part of the club it was actually yours now as well so it seemed natural for him to hand it to you. He pulled out some of the smallest shorts he had, hoping they’d fit you, and nodded to himself in satisfaction. Eddie comes back in wearing a worn band shirt and some star wars pj trousers, no rings or any accessories anymore you note sadly but that was made up for in the fact you could just make out his bulge through the thin trousers. He clearly wasn’t wearing his boxers anymore, and you were very appreciative of the sight. You train your eyes on his so as not to be obvious as he throws you some clothes, gasping gleefully when you see a hellfire shirt and holding it over your body while he chuckled. 

“Sorry, we don’t have any smaller sizes so it’ll be quite big on you” he says as he notices just holding it up it reaches your thighs. “But now you’re officially a member of the club, you need your own shirt” he says, giddy at his words. Yes you, the prettiest girl on earth, was a member of his club. He still couldn’t wrap his head around that, that any of this night had happened at all. You laugh and tell him its okay as you wander of to his bedroom yourself to change, Eddies mind occupied only by the thought of you being half naked in his room. God he wishes he could get to see such a beautiful sight as that. He almost stops breathing when you come back into the room, actually choking a little on the smoke as he inhaled, and trying to pass it off as a cough. If he thought you looked hot before, seeing you in the hellfire shirt, that could easily pass as his one, was making him actually lose his mind. It was big enough to fall around the tops of your thighs, the shorts only peaking out the tiniest bit so in certain angles it looked like you were only wearing the top.

“What do you think!” You ask him, giggling in excitement as you give him a twirl. Eddie can barely form a coherent sentence, wide eyes flicking between your eyes, the shirt and your thighs. He stutters out that you look great, it suits you, smiling at you widely as he tries to compose himself. You’d taken your bra of, he can see this now that you’re closer because through the white of the top he can just about see your nipples. Eddies cheeks go scarlet at this and he turns away, trying to remain cool and quell the desire that was starting to burn up in his stomach. He turned his attention back to the horror film, watching it in an attempt to stop himself from awkwardly getting hard. God he didn’t want you to think he was some pervert but holy fuck did you look good. 

As the movie neared its end Eddie felt your head lightly rest on his shoulder, looking down to see you yawning softly with heavy eyes. You looked so precious like this, he couldn’t not gently wrap his arm around yours to hold you against him. You make a ‘mm’ sound in response to this, nuzzling your face into his chest some more in your tired state, making Eddie feel like he was alight with joy. He didn’t want to move at all, to let you fall asleep on his chest and then fall asleep with you, snuggled up in perfect harmony. He looks down at you, admiring your features properly now that your eyes were closed, smiling to himself as his eyes run over the cute little freckles over your nose, and your soft, pouted lips. You were just so beautiful, his heart beat wildly in his chest as he watched your mouth fall open slightly, breathing getting softer as you fall asleep. When he was sure you’d been asleep for a couple of minutes, he very carefully lifted his hand to tuck your hair behind your ear, and then gently cupped your cheek, breathing deeply as he felt the softness of your face. He held his breath when his fingers ghosted over your soft lips, the desire to kiss you burning him up on the spot. He was smitten, obsessed, in awe by you, whatever this was he had never felt so strongly about someone before. His stomach was full of butterflies as though he was a little kid with a crush and he wanted nothing more than to be in your company. Eddie felt so content, so safe with you in his arms, his own eyes eventually starting to drift shut, and his breathing shallowed as he fell asleep beside you.

[killerandhealerqueen]

Okay, so, for everyone who is complaining about the live being on your dash even though you snoozed it for 30 days, here's what you're going to do.

if you haven't installed "dashboard unfucker" you should go and do that. Here's the installation link post and then here's the latest update post (there's a version for stylus, but i find this version works the best)

2. if you don't wanna do that, what you're going to do is if you have uBlock Origin, go to your ad blocker (i have AdBlocker Ultimate but it still works the same)

then click on "Block Element"

and then you're gonna wanna hover your mouse over the "Live" icon and the words, like so

You want to make sure that the entire thing is highlighted or it won't work. Once you've done that:

Tada! The live is gone and you can go about your business. This only works for desktop and with firefox, I have no idea how it works on Chrome or on mobile. But, once you've blocked it, you won't get notifications for it anymore and you won't have to worry about having to reset it every 30 days or whatever the fuck the new number is

[moonpaw]

okay but i've been meaning to ask but i dont want to sound mean. Do you know if there is a way for jsut me to not see all your badges? I like your posts and i really dont want to unfollow you but scrolling past you on my dash genuinely hurts my head because of all the colors...

if you're a pc user, try dashboard unfucker! there's an option to turn off badges

[mako-neexu]

it is sad being an oberon fan he lives in a dumpster of a room he hasnt cleaned for months but he walks out looking like a dashing prince anyways i know he picks his nose and wipes his hand off on your shirt when youre not looking he's also the type to push you off of a pool diving board while playing innocent he's also the type to sweetly serve you tea but you find out that he served you an empty cup he's also a huge weeb to the point where its so cringe you die inside and regret giving him a katana but without much effort he can capture your heart with just a very subtle look and very few words. then he will go back to being the epitome of unfuckable i hate him i hate him i dont sleep beside his plushie every night no i dont own several doujins of him getting railed

[tearlessrain]

Making Tumblr Less Bad: A Short Guide

with the Twitterfication finally hitting the last survivors, I wanted to post something like this because I'm realizing a lot of people are either new and unaware that all these tumblr extensions exist, or aren't aware of some of the most current ones and still use New Xkit.

New Xkit isn't broken or anything, but its development is pretty much dead in the water for a bunch of reasons so it's likely to break in the future with all the changes being rolled out. Fortunately there are alternatives.

I use Firefox, so I know all of these extensions work for it, but I have no idea about other browsers. If you're still using a chromium browser for some reason godspeed.

Xkit Rewritten

this is an even newer offshoot of New Xkit created by one of the developers, it includes pretty much all of New Xkit's features but lives in your addons bar, has a streamlined UI, and as far as I know is still getting updates/support.

Palettes for Tumblr

a better alternative to Old Blue, one of the few features not brought over from New Xkit. If you're like me and have an aversion to highly saturated/high contrast web design, or you just liked tumblr better in 2016, this extension is your new best friend. It's got a good number of preset options including a couple older versions of tumblr, but you can also create your own.

Dashboard Unfucker

a Tampermonkey script that reverts tumblr's layout to its pre-Twitterfied state, allowing you to bask once again in the peaceful blue void of your dash. it also has a lot of other nice features like disabling that obnoxious "don't forget to add tags so people can find your Content uwu" popup that shows up when you post now, and receives regular updates.

I know there are alternatives to some of these, but these are the ones I use/can vouch for. Go forth and experience a less bad website.