#unironic feelings about the lawyer game

[aro-attorneys]

I probably already made or reblogged a post about this but whatever I like talking about Things

Anyway I've been on this site for many many years. And every year I see the funny lawyer game trending. It's always the same screenshot being tossed around on December 24th.

""Almost Christmas" means it wasn't Christmas!"

Of course, having not played this game yet, I thought it was one of the Funnie Lines from the Funnie Lawyer game.

So anyway: the year is 2021 and I finally get to playing Ace Attorney: Phoenix Wright for the first time. I get to the 4th case and, after losing my mind for a bit over Edgeworth holding the gun, realise that it's a case on Christmas.

"Oh, they're going to do the Christmas meme in this one!" I say to my roommate, unknowing.

I get the the trial on the second day. Everything is building up: DL-6 trauma, Von Karma's influence on Edgeworth, and of course a "Guilty" verdict that you get no matter what.

And then I finally got to say it. I see the question and a set of answers on my screen. I'm shaking and nearly crying. I had no idea it would turn out like this. With sweaty hands I select the answer I know is correct:

""Almost Christmas" means it wasn't Christmas!"

We overturned the case. We get another day for an investigation. I save and quit the game for the day to process the whiplash I experienced after learning where the Funnie Meme came from.

[sexhaver]

Mtg is such a lawyers game compared to ygo, it feels. It seems like Konami values opponents understanding the sportsmanlike nature of gameplay whereas magic is waaay more about exercising the legality of the game. If it’s legal, it plays out.

completely unironically, that more than anything else is what makes MTG feel like... actually casting magic spells to me. card game rules should be as immutable as the laws of physics; bending or hampering them in the name of "sportsmanship" completely ruins the illusion for me. but also i love games where i can lie for an advantage (Throne of Lies, Town of Salem, Coup) so im biased here

[ct-multifandom]

I don’t know if this is a controversial hot take or something a lot of people feel, but I’m tired of hearing people unironically describe Ace Attorney as being “about gay lawyers”. Because it’s not. Do the lawyers act gay? Yes. But that’s not what 99% of the playtime is about.

At the end of the day, Ace Attorney is a satirical story about the corrupt justice system in Japan as represented by a kind-hearted defense attorney protecting (mostly) innocent defendants from having their lives ruined by misguided prosecutors. Its goal was to flip the cultural narrative that defense attorneys are trashy scum who make money off of sympathizing with criminals. And they did this through episodic, goofy murder mysteries.

So where does the gay come in? They wrote some accidentally romantically-charged dialogue, fans were obsessed, and the writers decided, yeah it’s pretty good, let’s do more of that. So they proceeded to toss in more gay side-banter and whatnot amongst the homicide investigations and court sessions.

Now, it’s not like Ace Attorney is the deepest, most poetic social commentary ever written, but it still has a meaningful theme inspired by a real life issue, so it’s pretty discouraging seeing people either not process it or straight up ignore it in favor of “the gay lawyers”. And that’s not even getting into all the other meaningful, non-romantic character relationships that have way more presence in the plot.

I know there will always be uncritical, shipping-brained people in every fandom, but what gets me about how bad it is here is that people who only know as much about AA as what they’ve heard really think it’s “about gay lawyers”. I was watching Drawfee recently, and genuinely all they know about the games is contextualized by Karina’s gay lawyer ship art and brief plot description of how gay the lawyers are. My friend recently told my other friend that Ace Attorney is about gay lawyers to which he was like oh yeah I heard about the unnecessary feelings scene. This is all he knows about the games.

I don’t want to make this sound like a bigger deal than it is, but damn. It truly feels like a lot of people refuse to engage with media in any way that doesn’t involve smashing male characters together like dolls. If you comb through the entirety of the Ace Attorney franchise, you’ll see that such a small fragment of everything that happens is homosexual law, yet that’s the thing that gets amplified to ridiculous proportions. All I can do for now is focus on the posts from fans that love the games themselves just as much if not more than they love the ships.

[passthroughtime]

Was Sawa-sensei really the only argument Yagami had? The answer may shock you

So, few people know that I fucking despise this take. It's been fun and still can be fun to me sometimes, but as time goes, I see more and more people thinking that unironically and even hate Yagami for this, among other things.

(Huge spoilers for both games ahead. Obviously.)

And I do a lot of (over)thinking myself, as I am writing a looong fic (first three chapters already live on ao3, sorry for shameless promo), and I always love to delve into characters' motives in canon events, goes with writing exclusively canon compliant things of course, and adding to my ever existing brainworms. Moreover, I'm revisiting Judgment atm for the first time since early 2020 if I'm being correct? And I see a lot of things I've forgotten which give lots what has happened in Lost Judgment pretty damn much sense. The Sawa argument is among these things.

First things first, what was the takeaway of the first game for Yagami? His trauma at first was that he fucked up bad and felt he had lost some crucial evidence that Okubo was actually the killer, but during the events of the game it transforms into "I haven't done anything to get to the truth". His trauma, as well Kuwana's, has its core in their inaction during the critical events of their lives. They were never the same again because they didn't do anything while they could, and yes, in that regard they are wounded in the same way.

How have they both responded? In a similar way. Yagami swore to always get involved there he can do something to change the situation before it escalates. Kuwana does the opposite, he tries to punish for the mistakes already made. (Which is funny considering that Yagami as a lawyer dealt with consequences while Kuwana as a teacher had the power to navigate people's lives to prevent the same mistakes, but it's the whole other theme in itself, and has little to do with the initial one.) Let's focus on Yagami though.

The only reason why Yagami repeatedly gets involved on his own in the Lost Judgment plot time and time again, though literally nobody asked him to do so, is the lesson which he learns in the first game. He says explicitly that he wants to get to the bottom of things, and not forget about cases when a trial is done. That's the reason why he doesn't want to be a lawyer again and why he can never be one again, not full-time at least.

And then Sawa gets murdered. Yagami draws parallel to Terasawa Emi (because of course he does) and is determined to bring everyone who is responsible for her death to the light. For now, it's Soma, the direct murderer, and Kuwana, which made Sawa the connecting thread between his crimes. Yagami realizes that Sawa's death was a tool for everyone to get what they wanted, like Emi's. He references it here:

At this point, Yagami has no proof to think otherwise. He thinks that everyone has forgot about Sawa and that she shouldn't have died. The very least Yagami could do, is to make sure everyone will answer for what they did to her. He sees that Kuwana feels guilty and quite shitty that the student which he thinks so highly of was murdered. Kuwana feels responsible, and Yagami knows that someday he will break.

I think it's also important to say that at no point of LJ has Yagami says anything remotely identifying the goal of his words and actions as "murder bad", but that's more obvious than anything else though requires explanation too if I'm to be believed that Yagami isn't after justice for all the murders.

This whole scene is the Sawa argument summarized, but if you look closer, it is really the only beef he has against Kuwana.

BTW he's not as goody two shoes as you prefer to see him in LJ, if his "I get how you feel" doesn't convince you.

And then the one person Kuwana is determined to do anything for has betrayed him, right before Yagami's eyes. What does Kuwana do? Abandon Yagami when Soma has said to his lackeys to do anything so he wouldn't escape, even murder him perhaps?

Great question, Yagami. This really does contradict everything he has thought of Kuwana since forever. After, instead of a goodbye Kuwana makes sure Soma couldn't stay on the boat longer and kidnap/kill Yagami. RK had no time for that, fleeing was the priority over someone they can find some time after.

First thing Yagami does is visit Kusumoto at the hospital, where he learns she has no regard to Kuwana's life, as long as her son is safe and her crime stays uncovered. Which is fine, I guess, though it's sad because Kuwana would do anything for her and for Mitsuru, but whatever. Ehara doesn't come around too, which also understandable, though Kuwana has risked his life to give Yagami the crucial evidence, he is nothing to him and has already played his part. He is just a tool in his revenge. Wait... What?

Yes, actually it's Kuwana who is being brushed off as collateral damage by everyone. Everyone he has helped actually. And he hasn't come clean during the time before Ehara's trial (he at least could leak the information or point to the body without endangering himself, idk) nor he disappeared to save his skin.

After the trial he thanks Yagami for helping Ehara (which Kuwana wasn't able to do himself) and points to his, and Kawai's body, location. Kuwana knows damn well he can die, but getting to the one who murdered Sawa is more important to him. So, Kuwana has no one on his side, even himself.

No one is going to save him. Sure, he isn't as innocent as Emi, he has fucked some shit up. Does he deserve to disappear for good and be forgotten, or even worse, be remembered as a psycho teacher who killed his student? Yagami doesn't think so. All Yagami sees is that Kuwana desperately tries to protect everyone who did everything right or did nothing at all, every victim of bullying. He has no other motive.

Yagami takes no shit from Kuwana, he isn't afraid or angry when Kuwana threatens to blow up the warehouse (as Sugiura and Higashi for example). He knows that Kuwana isn't capable of killing anyone who doesn't deserve it, he takes no pleasure in murder and doesn't do it for personal gain. Yagami, Kaito, everyone else aren't guilty of anything which deserves death as punishment.

If not for the gang, he would set off the bomb though, I'm 100% sure. But that's besides the point.

So, returning to the question: Was Sawa-sensei really the only argument Yagami had? An answer is yes. Because he really doesn't fucking care bullies are being murdered, slay worstie. But it's not because he's such a crappy lawyer, but because he realizes the importance of a person's life above everything else. And a person who cares is not necessarily stupid or unprofessional.

You can argue all you want who was right and who was wrong. It doesn't matter for the characters.

It was never about justice. They don't argue from a legal point of view. It was about remembering about the importance of a person's life.

I beg you to look at this story from another perspective. Not as a technical coldly-perfect story it should've been. People are imperfect, and Yagami, first and foremost, a person. A person who cares. And JE with LJ as stories can be imperfect... but also realistic.

Terasawa Emi is murdered for the greater good. Sawa is murdered for selfish reasons. Kuwana is almost murdered for the both. I can't imagine Yagami would want to go through lots of red tape to do something someday. He does this something right now. Because the lives of people, living and breathing, should be protected right now and valued above what's right legally.

Please, stop looking at fiction as something which should be perfect, or make more sense, be more logical and emotionally detached than the real world. Some can be like that, but Judgment hasn't been from the start.

[sadsoftserve]

Oc fact sheet

(because I'm bored and my brother did it. Please ask questions if you want...🥺)

Sabrina-

Her full name is Sabrina Charlotte Ashling

You know those alpha wolf memes? Those are her favorite. She has a shirt with one on it

What does she do when she can't sleep? Analyze the Ace Attorney series and write fanfic

Last time she slept she was three

From the ages of 5-10 she was in a hospital trying to figure out what was going on with her

Boom. That's when nightmare was discovered

Probably did the cinnamon challenge and won

Loves hot wings.

Sylvie think she's a washed up wanna be lawyer.

Know how Phoenix wright defended Edgeworth in school?

She did that too. But in seventh grade. She defended Parker.

That's how they met actually.

She met Bonnie at color guard the first day she went. Bonnie didn't want to be there, neither did she.

Now she unironically enjoys colorguard

She pays for Bonnie whenever Ms.cox takes them out to dinner after the games.

Her family is loaded. Not feenie loaded, but like a good amount of money.

She has a learners permit. And has enough hours to legally drive passengers around (suck it Sylvie)

Parker-

Her parents gave her to Percy because they didn't want to deal with ADHD

No fr

That's what they said.

Parker feels bad about it, but knows her aunt is better and cooler than her parents.

Percy is basically her mom

She said that herself (fanfic ref!!???)

Percy may be strict but she means well

Parker likes early morning cartoons, her aunt still has cable so she's able to watch them

Parker draws sometimes

She's really athletic

She's a Mundie (I know I probably mentioned an Epithet in the past. And in her outdated info card. But go with it.)

Parker has had to prove she's strong on multiple occasions to multiple people

Will infodump about anything

You better listen

She's made of facts

Just like her aunt.

She constantly has to monitor her aunts Hypoglycemia (because I'm applying that headcanon in the universe. Sue me)

Worried that she'll work herself to death.

Full name? Parker May-Lilly King. Yes

I'm dead serious

Bonnie-

The most traumatized girl you'll meet

No one knows her backstory

You wanna know??

Ask Ramsey

He'll tell you

Bonnie and Ramsey may have an uncle/niece relationship, but they act more like friends

Most of her childhood she was silent

The first time she spoke willingly she was 4

Now she won't shut up

She still has the little wooden snake her mom gave her all those Christmases ago

Hates the holidays because of 'the incident'

Gets really mopey and upset around the holidays actually

She likes fannels

She owns like six

Will willingly pick up a wild snake

Her hair is really curly. Like Molly curly.

She has an Epithet. But she's like Trixie. She doesn't know what it is, or how it works. It's only been able to manifest once.

Her full name is Bonnie Lynn Murdoch

You may be asking, "what about Dalia? Isn't she part of the group???"

Your right she is.

But she's not my oc. I have no place to give facts about her because she's not mine. Want facts @oddball-artz will give them to you.

[attorneys-against-court-violence]

Dual Destinies: Cleared.

So... I feel like I should give some closing remarks here. Alright, how about we do it case-by-case? Only seems fitting!

Case 5-1: What a muddled start... the best way I can describe this is that it plants some interesting seeds that bear some of the story's sweetest fruits in very poor and smelly soil. Any problems you have with DD are going to be the most apparent and frustrating right out the gate and it is NOT shy about showing it's worst traits here. That being said, Ted Tonate is one of my favourite characters. I can't knock the man!

Case 5-2: Tantilising introduction to Simon Blackquill and Bobby Fulbright. Apollo and Athena hit off just fine with enough differences from Nick and Maya's dynamic to get me on-board. Damien and Jinxie Tenma are alright, the former being hilarious and the latter being a good neurodivergent nugget of a character. Still mad they had such good Apollo and Trucy moments from the start only to ditch her.

Case 5-DLC: Best case in the game. Or at least the one with the least blemishes. The Aquarium characters? Great. Athena and Nick's dynamic? Love it. Simon and Bobby? Hilarious. The culprit? One of the best in the series! DePlume's treatment by the writers and Nick's badge are my main grumbles, and I do wish they dug a little more into the latter's doubts about getting his old job back. Furthermore, Apollo suffered.

Case 5-3: Aristotle Means, you are THIS CLOSE to getting detention, mister! Athena and Simon's dynamic, along with the Themis quadro, CARRY this segment. Nick's at his most fun here as a mentor navigating a troubled student. But Means... good god, does he come close to ruining this case. And poor Klavier, he really deserved more than this... at least the parts that are most important get by well enough to earn this case a gold star! We uh, don't talk about Robin Newman's testimony...

Case 5-4: More of a prelude than a full-on case, but man does it push your buttons in the right ways. Athena, Apollo, Simon, and Bobby are all nudged in directions that are so uncomfortable for each character and they are all the better for it. The GYAXA staff range from noble and sympathetic to pompous to the point of unironic enjoyment. And Aura Blackquill. Who scares me. A lot.

Case 5-5: SO CLOSE to being the best of the best! For everything it pays off with aplomb and catharsis, it takes a step or two back with a decision that makes me groan in annoyance. The former does outweigh the latter in most cases, however. The only parts it doesn't are probably Trucy and... the final culprit. I'll talk about them in more detail another time, but in brief: fun and unsettling at first, kind of loses a lot of steam near the end. That last reveal of his took a lot of wind out of my sails and not in a good way.

Overall then? It's a slow-roller with plenty of bumps in the road. Those bumps get less noticable when it gets up and going, and BOY does it go, though they are still present. Thankfully, I don't think they completely ruin the most important bits. It's just frustrating that said issues don't have to exist, but do for stupid reasons only a CAPCOM business executive would gel with.

A major theme of the game is trust, the effects of suspicion run rampant, and how a healthy balance of both are necessary to build strong connections and fight that which threatens to break said trust.

What is faith without doubt? Blind. Foolish. Naive. The reason why the main villain almost got away with it all.

And in the end, while it's so drilled into my head, the ends truly did justify the means.

In any case, I'm ready to hand down my verdict.

I hereby declare Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies...

GUILTY

...but I believe it has a lot more to offer than criticism would let on. There's no reason it can't be seen as one of Ace Attorney's best if given a thoughtful revision.

I'm very glad to know you, strange 3D lawyer game. I'll be here a long while still!

[maplefiasco]

8 Shows To Know Me

Thanks for the tag, @booksandabeer! This was extremely difficult and I look forward to kicking myself in a week when I remember some other show that's 20% of my personality but I totally blanked on when making this list.

No pressure tagging: @asmoonlightthroughthepines, @scare-ard--sleigh, @msmandapants, @blithers, @dontcallmebree and anyone else up for distilling themselves down to eight tv shows!

Okay let's do this!

Star Trek The Next Generation

TNG imprinted on me in 4th or 5th grade. I'd watch it every night before dinner and have lots of opinions about the holodeck and Data. Did I put a headband in front of my eyes and call it LaForge's visor? Yes. Did I unironically love the cheesy episodes like Rascals, The Game, and Disaster? Absolutely. It was also my intro to fannishness, pre-internet. One of my friend's dads had a stack of action figures, and a Riker uniform he'd break out at Halloween. I remember being confused by his whole deal, but mostly thinking it was really cool.

Flight of the Conchords

I saw this promo before the first season premiered and was instantly sold, it was so silly and unassuming. I was in college which is just. the perfect age to find everything about it delightful and hilarious and to be low-key in love with both Bret and Jemaine. I'm pretty sure I've thought about some lyric or throwaway line or small facial expression every day since 2007.

New Girl

I made myself limit this list to only one 2000s/2010s network comedy. New Girl edged out The Office, Parks & Rec, Community, 30 Rock, and even my beloved dark horse, Happy Endings. It's pure comfort. Every character is the best character.

Severance

I will not rest until everyone is as obsessed with this show as me. I've already watched season 1 three times, and I'll probably watch it all the way through again before season 2 comes out. It just hits all my buttons. Eerie weirdness! Sci-fi elements explored at a very personal, human level! Retro corporate dystopian branding and decor! Random moments of absurdity! Existential dread! Defiant jazz!

The Magicians

One doesn't keep up a semi-active sideblog for four years (?!!) and counting for a show without being permanently altered and irreparably damaged by it. One day, a work friend and I were talking tv and she went, "you would like this show! I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, but you would like it!" For better or worse... she was not wrong. (On the fandom side, the fic for this show is just exquisite. The art, edits, and gifs are impeccable. I'm grateful it compelled me to start making stuff more regularly. Fussy, high-effort stuff!)

Better Call Saul

I know, I know *pikachu surprised face* that this one made the list. Y'know that post that makes the rounds every once in awhile, about 'ships and fictional relationships that's like, "sure they're in love or whatever. But, like... do they even like each other?" I think this silly lawyer prequel to the crime-and-drugs show accidentally became the best display of two people who like and love each other on tv. (Also yes, everything else about it is A++. Meticulous. Stressful. Exhilarating. No notes.)

Simpsons (Seasons 1-8ish)

This feels like an embarrassingly basic answer, but my personality really is just several early seasons of The Simpsons in a trench coat. It's what shaped my sense of humor. It's the foundation of my marriage. It's why I knew what Citizen Kane was at eight years old.

Pushing Daisies

Pushing Daisies was one of the first times I felt like, "oh! Someone made a show for me specifically!" Every single element was a feast for the eyes, from the saturated colors, to the quirky, overly literal sets, to Chuck's outfits, to Lee Pace's face. Baking AND knitting were heavily featured in every episode! There was a cute romance with supernatural complications. There was whimsical, fairy tale-style Jim Dale narration!

Runners up include: Tuca & Bertie, Buffy, Firefly, Freaks & Geeks, Mad Men, Home Movies, Legion, WandaVision, The Mandalorian, and Lost.

[xycuro-illuminati]

1, 11, and 16?

1. Character that everyone gets wrong

-Going to go with Matt Murdock and the Moon Knight system again for this question

11. Number of fandom-related words you've filtered

- About 106 words; I have a lot of shit filtered out

16. You can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc).

-We're doing a speed round for this one, get ready. I don't understand why so many like the idea of:

Matt being catholic when before the m/cu influence he wasn't; Foggy being the goody good lawyer who is the pure sweetheart of the duo despite him having conflicting feelings about the law system and being an asshole in canon; Dmc Dante and Vergil having the last name Sparda (the name of their father) when they canonically do not have last names except for Dante with his alias Tony Redgrave; The idea of Team Red as a concept (horrible case of everything needs to be found family/every single hero needs to besties) when Matt fucking hates Wade and cannot stand Peter sometimes; Those fake moon knight panels and people trying to pass them off as real (bc yeah, marvel comics would def publish shit with uncensored cursewords like fuck); a majority of any fanon thing the Daniel apparition fandom enjoys (big reasons why I left); dc fans still unironically enjoying h*l j*rdan to this day; dmc fans still keeping up the "Dante doesn't know what sex is" joke and not doing the ace hc like a regular person (and also to extension never letting go of the same fucking unfunny jokes); the existence of batfam fanon as a whole– there's too much to cover. Might update later bc there's a lot I'm missing.

(Ask game here)

[write-like-wright]

u asked for requests so im here to comply😳could you maybe do a ”should you date them” with the defense attorneys in the series?? or just generally some other characters?? bc the prosecutor one added like 20 years to my lifespan lmao. hope u have a great day!!

I'm so glad you liked it!!! Here's the sequel, just for you <33

Original post here

Should you date them: Ace Attorney defense lawyers edition

Phoenix Wright

yes, you really should

probably one of the best, if not the best, boyfriends in the series

wanna get married? husband material

wanna have kids? father material

has a tendency to casually adopt children actually, could be an issue at some point

worships you

you know how some guys brag about how they'd die for you?

Nick would unironically die for you

may even come close a few times but I'm pretty sure he's canonically invincible (eating poisoned glass and falling off a burning bridge, who?? tis' but a scratch!)

massive gossip

gets home after an investigation and immediately starts like "you won't believe what I found out about Gumshoe today"

somehow surprisingly mature and good at keeping secrets in spite of everything

has a lot of really cool friends!!! and larry

have you seen those shoulders tho?? mans built like a dorito, smashing through massive wooden doors n stuff

biggest monthly expense is hair gel

claims his hair is natural but you know better

don't be the big spoon, he will poke your eyes out

can somewhat read your mind tho? a bit off-putting but ok

marry him before Edgeworth someone else does

Mia Fey

hell yeah, dude

cool, calm, collected

has literal superpowers

successful business owner at 27!!! unironical #girlboss

went from being a lame rookie to a literal legend with her own practice and an apprentice in, like, three years

she's so smart, I fear her

has the fashion sense of a female character drawn by a cis man... oh, wait

god help whoever tries to hurt you

will literally kick their ass to hell

family-oriented

believes in second chances

took phoenix under her wing after everything, mia has the patience of a saint honestly

drops cool oneliners in everyday speech like a marvel character

curve lovers rejoice

doesn't mind being called dorky nicknames

major wife material

Diego Armando/Godot

I already covered him in my prosecutors list,, literally did not occur to me to split Diego and Godot into two lists

but to sum up, if I had to choose between the two, I'd go for Diego

i like my men like i like my coffee - tall, dark and bitter

^^ eats up pickup lines like those

Apollo Justice

Polly is such a sweet babey boy, please be nice to him

short king

low on confidence, makes up for it by being loud

*voice cracking* HE'S FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

your neighbours will hate him

such a pushover, will do anything you ask of him

sensitive boy, not afraid to cry

pretends not to be dorky - is very dorky

consumes nerdy media almost exclusively (canonically a Whovian! but Capcom can't say that)

bikes everywhere and is apparently good with a hula hoop

Polly got cake is what I'm saying

have you seen his cool street style clothes?? sk8er boi

very grounded, literally

might play around and hold your hand for comfort

won't come to visit you if you live on a high floor, sorry

cat dad!!! cat pics!!! yes!!!

about 7 different tragic backstories

new secret family member drops every week

stares at you when you speak sometimes

is he jealous of Klavier?? does he have a crush on him??? who knows but it's funny watching them interact

bicon

spends way too much time on his hair

someone please date him, he deserves some love

Athena Cykes

holy childhood trauma batman

been through a lot

total empath

if you're sad, she's sad

can kinda read your mind... why is this such a common thing in AA games?? I like my privacy

super energetic

will drag you to the gym, take you on hikes, practice wrestling moves on you...

you will always be sore but also in the best shape of your life

has minus 25 chill

incapable of keeping secrets from you

her weird goth convict uncle threatens you every once in a while

she promises he means it in a friendly way

loves europop

way too accomplished for her age, everyone in this game is so smart, help

i feel like she'd enjoy theme parks idk

date her, she's baby and she needs some TLC

Kristoph Gavin

no

he's scary

thinks he's better than you

thinks he's better than everyone

has the audacity to wear white shoes with a blue suit??? are you going to prom????? sir????

obsessed with phoenix wright to an alarming degree

perfectly manicured nails!

the kind of guy who warns you never to go into his basement

nice on the outside but it's all fake

deeply rooted issues even he's unaware of

if you like drillbit hair consider Klavier instead

Ryunosuke Naruhodo

world's biggest baby

secretly a bitch

loves to clown on people

fake it till you make it

has no clue what he's doing most of the time

very determined in spite of that

everyone loves him

so many cool friends

cries at the thought of your bare ankles

physically incapable of walking by a shop and not buying something he doesn't need

"look, i got you a gift!!" "awh, how sweet! ...what is it?" "i don't know, i'll ask Mr Sholmes when he gets home!"

good with his tongue

may be somewhat trapped in the closet

has literally zero chill

remember when he just casually chased armed robbers??

must be a family trait

Iris interrogates you about your intentions with her brother

she has a gun

you have no privacy at his place

Sholmes crashes your dates

his bromance with Kazuma sometimes drops the "b"

becomes ultra cool eventually

hop into that time machine and date Ryu's ass, but be prepared to deal with period-appropriate homoeroticism and misogyny lol

Extra little shout out to Kazuma Asogi for that one time where he was a defense lawyer for, like, an hour and a half and somehow managed to cram 50 of the horniest one-liners in the game in that very limited time. Date him.

[computermaus]

Some HC's :) Older teenage

Stan

Decided to leave the footballteam in 6th grade

Has become vegetarian in 8th grade

He has book of whales and dolphins

Enjoys watching sea documentaries

He is against Sea World or any whale shows who hold whales and dolphins in captivity. Has lead many protests against it.

He has a very good aim

He goes to a shooting range when stressed. Nobody knows this until 11th grade.

Favourite class his biology. It's the only class he is in AP at.

He bought a Star Wars Millennium Falcon on his 16th Birthday. And Kyle thought it was absolutely stupid paying 800 Dollars for that. (Stan is the type of person to do that. Can't convince me otherwise)

He likes to ride a bike occasionally for a few hours

He learned snowboarding by himself and enjoys it much more than skiing

He has learned to play the electric guitar in 6th grade.

He likes to sing when he is on his own or makes up songs on his own and sings them.

He has habit how losing things.

He is very scared to become like his father. He likes to keep himself busy so he won't fall into his addiction tendencies.

Is still fair skinned. Eventhough he had been living on a farm slnce he was 10. He doesn't get a tan.

He goes to the Spa on special occasions to relax

He was born with small breathing tubes. He has to carry an asthma inhaler in case he is short of breath

He gets nauseating from using the swings. But has no problems being on a boat

He can't dive for longer than 5 seconds without any equipment.

He passed his driving test after two lessons and at the first try without any mistake.

Kyle

He got in the basketballteam in junior year of Highschool

He got in a fight with with Cartman on the first day of Highschool.

He's the leader of the Math Quest

Has installed an app or software so teachers won't have to deal with computer viruses. ( Look I have no idea if this is accurate or not. Just roll with it)

He's in AP math, computer science, history, physics, geography, and english.

He's good at saving money

His anger has gotten worse at the beginning of his teenage years. Forcing him to take Anger Management classes.

When he's drunk he spends money on stupid things he later regrets when sober.

Kyle uses hand sanitizer before entering any building

He doesn't like it when someone or himself lies on his bed with their streetclothes and only lies on his bed in his pyjamas.

He sometimes helps out his father in his law firm. His father wants him to become a lawyer but Kyle is unsure

He can't deal with situations he didn't plan beforehand and doesn't like spontaneity.

He looked up spoilers when watching Game of Thrones with Stan but never told him.

He hates to cry in front of people that aren't his friends or family and rather gets angry.

In Music class they had to sing a song. Because Kyle didn't want to hear his own voice he had worn headphones. (They were allowed to do so). Some students started to laugh.

Kyle hates music class. He has complained many times how useless it is to force students to sing in front of their classmates only to embarrass them. When they have no interests or talent in singing (my personal opinion and I'm still traumatised. look i was a shy 14 year old girl. You can't expect me to sing in front of two classes.)

He likes when a student preferably in math class doesn't understand something, so he can explain it to them. ( THis is NOT what I did. 👀)

He started to smoke in junior year and quit after 5 months

He was in double as much detention as Stan and this because of the many fights Kyle got into. When Kenny showed him that fact Kyle didn't want to believe it was true.

Kenny

He collects snails in his backyard. He then organises a snail race and lets people pay entry. And also makes bets

Inspired by the movie the Kissing Booth he also wanted to make on in Highschool to raise money for some trip. This idea was declined

He likes Poetry

He goes to singing classes to master his oper singing skills since 8th grade

He has watched every episode of the Vampire Diaries and Gossip Girls

He is never much prepared when holding presentations and never has a poster or any visual presentation than himself. When the teacher pointed this out at one point, he said: Watching him should be enough.

He wouldn't go on a rollercoaster

He doesn't listen in class and asks Kyle what they have for homework.

He still does okay in tests

He made a pseudonym called: " MC the Lovedoctor. And gives advice for love sick students, he read from Cosmopolitan

Yes Kenny unironically reads the Cosmopolitan

He bites his nails

He has trouble opening up emotionally in relationships and that's because of the neglect he got from his parents

Kenny saves the money he earns for music college

He uses alot of self deprecating jokes.

He got his first phone in 7th grade

He is still a fan of NASCAR

He teaches Stan self defense. He teaches him stuff he learned by himself from living " In the Hood" he so nicely calls it. When Stans old house is like 20 steps away.

He found a possum in a trash and called it Louvre. And has adopted it. Kyle is absolutely disgusted by that thing. And one time when Stan, Kyle and Kenny were hanging in Kyle's room Kenny has brought that possum with him. It broke free from Kennys grasp and jumped on Kyles holy tempel. His bed.

The possum hates Kyle and attacked him several times

The possum loves Stan

He needs braces but can't afford them

He told Stan to invite him to a Spa trip with him.

He once jumped out of the window in the 8th floor when he didn't want to be in Detention anymore. The next day everyone forgot Kenny killed himself and that he was in detention. He regrets doing it and won't do it again. During is death Satan has scolded him out and how reckless he was acting.

Cartman

He loves the Possum for attacking Kyle

He likes to wear shirts that don't fit him

He got diabetes type 2 at 16.

He eats in class when he feels stressed. Its almost all the time

He likes to provocate Kyle so he will fight him and get detention for it.

He runs a club in Highschool called: "the Abstinences" They had sworn out any sexual activities and it doesn't belong to his Christian beliefs. He hides the fact he is scared of it and insecure. He shames people who are more promiscuous.

He believes because of this club he will go to Heaven

When partying he is unable to stop with the alcohol. Because of his fat it takes him longer to get drunk

He doesn't know how to shave and goes to school with razer cuts on his face.

He gets results from tests and sells them to other students

He still does terribly in school because he sucks at memorising.

He has a dream of owing his own slaughterhouse.

He gets defensive when someone asks him about his father

He has poor coordination skills.

He is to lazy to do the driving test and uses the excuse that his friends should drive him around

He won a eating contest. He ate 50 Burgers in 15 minutes.

He does good presentations in school and enjoys doing them

He has complained many times that students weren't allowed to use the elevator in school and had to use the stairs. The teacher told him to lose weight. In which Cartman told the principal the teacher was fat shaming him.

He cuddles with his cat before going to sleep

[ketumii]

gorillaz headcanons i’ve conjured up over the years

a little long, but i’m posting this as a ref for myself and future art/fics :) what are your headcanons?

- Murdoc quotes memes wrong all the time, unironically. This infuriates Noodle, and 2D usually has to calm her down afterwards.

- Russel competes in drag competitions in his spare time. The others like to buy him accessories for his birthday.

- Murdoc anonymously votes for Russel in these competitions whenever he can. Nobody knows about this.

- Russel and Murdoc have comforted each other during drunken stupors many, many times.

- Ace had trouble understanding 2D’s thick accent during his time in the band. It was super awkward.

- Noodle sat Ace down once and tried explaining the lore of Gorillaz to him. He didn’t understand any of it, and is still confused to this day.

- Murdoc used to be terrified of Russel, but now finds immense comfort in his company.

- Murdoc and 2D try to one-up each other all the time.

- Murdoc has always been self conscious about his eyebrows, but 2D convinces him to uncover them on occasion.

- Murdoc is also incredibly, INCREDIBLY self conscious about his height and envies 2D immensely over it. This is the reason he wears boots all the time.

- Noodle used to sneak into Murdoc’s Winnebago as a kid whenever there was a thunderstorm.

- Noodle is deathly afraid of fire, heights, and loud noises thanks to the events of Demon Days.

- Russel can list every band member’s favorite thing off the top of his head. Upon realizing this, Murdoc, 2D and Noodle came together in an effort to find out what all of Russel’s favorite things were.

- 2D is great with kids.

- Murdoc used to have to steal food and clothes out of the trash before the band was formed. He is now very possessive of these things.

- 2D hits his head on low hanging objects a lot.

- Russel and 2D like to stargaze and meditate together.

- Noodle once tried teaching 2D Japanese, but he was really bad at it.

- 2D then tried teaching himself French, but he was also really bad at that. 

- 2D’s mother has a habit of rambling, while his father is super awkward and hard to hear. 2D inherited a combination of both these traits.

- 2D has zero self awareness and will blast music and horror movies from his phone in public.

- Murdoc collects weird mugs.

- 2D collects expensive watches.

- Noodle collects creepy toys she finds at yard sales/thrift stores.

- Russel collects broken appliances.

- Noodle and 2D like to style each other’s hair. 

- 2D is a huge advocate for platonic kissing.

- 2D has tried helping Noodle go vegan, but she loves sushi and chicken nuggets too much to commit.

- Russel is a master of Monopoly, which infuriates Murdoc, who feels he should be a natural at it.

- Russel and Noodle perform an intense workout routine every week. 2D and Murdoc tried to join them once, but 2D promptly passed out and Murdoc broke his own foot with a dumbbell. 

- Murdoc took Noodle to a strip club as a birthday surprise one year. She ended up having to drive them home when Murdoc got shitfaced and threatened the bouncer.

- Murdoc still ruffles Noodle’s hair like he did when she was a kid, much to her annoyance. 

- Noodle simps for Lola Bunny.

- 2D is a monsterfucker.

- Murdoc can drive well irl but absolutely sucks at Mario Kart (and most video games, honestly).

- He really, REALLY enjoyed GTA 5 though. 2D and Noodle couldn’t pry him away from the game for a good month when he first played it.

- 2D loves moving things an inch away from their original position just to mess with Murdoc.

- 2D cracks his joints in the loudest, most obnoxious way possible, and can never seem to stop shaking his legs.

- 2D and Noodle send each other the raunchiest, most grotesque furry porn they can find. They are in an unspoken competition to find the worst of the worst.

- If Murdoc doesn’t make a conscious effort not to, he will always touch or lean on whoever is near him.

- Russel can recall animal facts on the fly.

- Russel used to be really into making taxidermy. 2D thinks this is the coolest thing ever, but would never have the heart or stomach to do it himself. 

- Russel is jealous that 2D is so good at crocheting and wishes he had the nimble fingers required to do it. 

- Russel was honestly hurt when Noodle got her first tattoo. Not that he didn’t like it, he just didn’t want to acknowledge that she was growing up.

- Murdoc and 2D have each other’s faces tattooed somewhere on their body. This was the result of a drunken bet lost on both parts.

- Russel was the first person Noodle came out to. He was also the first person Murdoc came out to.

- Murdoc tries getting Noodle a girlfriend every time they go out together. This has only ever ended horribly. 

- Murdoc got 2D hooked on chewing toothpicks instead of his nails.

- Noodle thought Murdoc’s raven Cortez was so cool she tried catching her own pet bird, a vulture she found eating the corpse of a zombie in the yard of Kong Studios. It failed horribly and she almost got dragged off the cliff. Russel got her Katsu instead.

- Noodle once tried stealing Murdoc’s porn magazines as a prank, but accidentally stumbled upon his collection of nudes and raunchy fanmail. The memory still haunts her. 

- 2D is interested in tons of things and has considered becoming a dentist, a model, a lawyer, a camp counselor, a filmmaker, a zookeeper and a teacher.

- 2D often speaks without thinking and has lost many potential romantic partners because of it.

- Noodle is a little jealous that 2D can lick his elbows.

- Russel has the most charm out of all of them, no questions asked.

- Murdoc likes to appear as if he knows a lot about cars, but Russel is always the one who fixes them.

- 2D and Murdoc have tased each other. 

- Murdoc taught Noodle how to dance. 2D and Russel have walked in on this several times, much to Murdoc’s embarrassment. 

- Murdoc unapologetically wears makeup and scoffs at anyone who calls it “girly”.

- Branching off of this, Murdoc does everyone’s makeup.

- Russel is plagued with nightmares, which is why he’s always tired.

- Russel and Noodle have had too many offscreen adventures to count, many of which involving them nearly dying or being sued (don’t even get Russel started on the time Noodle climbed into the tiger pen at the zoo and single-handedly fought them all off).

- Russel likes going to odd conventions (washing machine con, vacuum con, etc.) The others are always surprised and extremely confused whenever he mentions he’s going to one, and it’s never the same one twice.

- Murdoc has misophonia.

- 2D has dyspraxia.

- Noodle has tons of secret social media accounts she uses to mess with fans.

- Murdoc is scared of apes.

- 2D isn’t one for confrontation, but god help you if you get a horror movie fact wrong.

- 2D and Noodle stay up late and watch true crime/conspiracy documentaries together.

- Russel once sat Noodle down to give her ‘The Talk’ about drugs and alcohol, but was surprised to discover that Murdoc already had.

[neuronary]

Do you have thoughts on modern au Suki?

Oh Boy Do I!

okay so in atla toph and azula are my favs, but i’m working my way through the rise of kyoshi books and like. i stan one (1) avatar. sucks to be aang roku and korra bc like. they just Cannot Compete.

so suki would be on kyoshi’s football (or soccer, for americans, do you feel special yet?) team, absolutely destroying it and her coach is also her mentor.

she’s captain of the team, duh, and she absolutely destroys sokka’s team when they play, then hahn’s, who makes her appreciate how dumb but well meaning sokka was.

she and sokka have to meet up once a week just to talk shit about hahn for an hour. kyoshi is amused. 

at least until she hears that yue’s parents are making decisions about her dating life, at which point the kyoshi warriors accept her as an honorary member and kyoshi herself goes to knock some sense into them.

(kyoshi is under the mistaken impression that it is suki, not sokka, who wants to woo yue. arnook is suitably baffled when a random woman starts lecturing him on gay rights and his daughter as if the two are related.)

(they’re really not, says yue, who is a very cool and nice ally, but not quite there full time.)

anyway suki and yue are literally best friends and yue makes snacks for the kyoshi warriors and brings them to every practice. attendance has never been higher.

suki and katara get along well enough, but they have Issues because katara is big into social justice and is still getting to the point of understanding that having different priorities doesn’t make you evil. (she’ll burn out in a year or two and have to reassess, don’t worry.) suki wants katara to understand that just her being a teenage girl going into professional football is revolutionary enough, And she’s constantly encouraging other young girls to get into sports.

as an aside, i love suki to bits but she has terrible taste in memes and she unironically uses frat bro emojis. i refuse to equivocate or elaborate on this.

suki and toph in a modern au would really depend on the specifics. i think they have the potential to be absolute best of friends, but they wouldn’t necessarily get super close. in tkfatm (read here), they are gonna be very close. overall, suki thinks toph is nice but quite over the top and a bit aggressive. toph thinks suki is cool but a bit passive. they’d both help each other hide a body though.

suki and azula on the other hand. hoo boy.

so azula doesn’t play football, she does, like, roller derby, probably. of course, she plays a ‘casual’ match with the kyoshi warriors and they win by a slim margin. suki’s just played the best game of her life and azula, mai, and ty lee insist that they have to teach the kyoshi warriors roller derby too.

suki and azula are frenemy-rivals who would sell each other to satan for some tissues and a corn chip but talk shit about either one in the hearing range of the other and you Will die. they’re always on the verge of killing each other over various team rivalries but can absolutely agree that the professional leagues are continually fucking it up and if they’re not at each other’s throats they’re mutually bitching about a manager.

suki wishes azula would go into sport professionally, but she wants to be a lawyer and ozai’s pushing her to do business and management so she can take over from him one day. that’s never gonna happen.

(suki can must should and will murder ozai at her earliest convenience.)

suki and aang is pretty similar to suki and toph tbh. she’s not super close with him but she has nothing against him. i probably have more thoughts but i’ll only remember them later so i’m gonna end this here. (for now.)

[midcing]

okay so i have some New Kids.... they are all trash but some of them are trying their best which should honestly count for something imho... i’ll probably bring some more muses in at some point during this week bc i legit have 25 apps in my drafts right now and i just didn’t apply for all at once bc didn’t want to overwhelm myself... honestly tho? i want all the plots.... so like... pls like this and i’ll im you or come to me throwing ideas at my face so we plot and have some connections and threads ?? love my new trash sons pls ?? thanks !

JAMES WEST looks an awful lot like CHARLIE WEBER. HE is THIRTY NINE and while they’re LOGICAL, they have a tendency to get pretty CONTRARY. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to POLARIZE by TWENTYONEPILOTS.

inspired by ;; frank delfino from htgawm, walter white from breaking bad and jaime lannister from game of thrones. 

a lawyer

has 2 daughters.

would probably start a war for both of them if they asked him to.

thinks his daughters are angels who can do no wrong. if he saw them murdering someone in front of him, he would probably come up with a reason why they were doing it and defend them which isn’t great bc they are both like wild kids who are not actual angels ( wc ?? anyone ?? i’m trash for families ngl )

sketchy morals at best? ? doesn’t think of himself as someone who would do anything wrong but if something wrong is being done for his benefit he is sure as hell not gonna stop it

got into an ivy league school because his father - criminal known for money laundering, corruption, and fraud - donated a huge sum of money to the college. will die pretending he got in on his own merit 

the older brother of my character mark west bc i love families sue me

would probably google ‘how to know if i am a dilf’

says thing like ‘lit’ and ‘on fleek’ to relate to the youth

pretends everything is fine until it blows up in his face

wants to much ! a perfect life, a perfect house, a perfect family, a perfect wife, a perfect job ! pretty good ? nah. not good enough for james west. scratch that and start again. everything must be 10/10

wants to be everybody’s dad even tho he isn’t a great dad to his two kids

will make your life choices for you if you let him

will bail you out of jail but only if he is allowed to give you a 3 hour lecture on Responsibility 

will logic his way out of moral conundrums

the kind of person that turns a blind eye to corruption if it benefits him in some way

tries his best, which really honestly can only be said about 5% of my characters, so i would give him some credit

if you ask him a question he doesn’t want to answer he will just straight up ignore the question and change the subject 

feels guilty about the way his helps criminals and does wrong stuff for his benefit and the benefit of the people he loves but also doesn’t try to change

aesthetics — watching the sunset through the office window, loud alarms playing an hour later than it should, unrecognizable reflection in the mirror, child laughter and the heavy feeling of stress in your chest, hushed whispers of assertions amidst a crowd, old wedding rings saved away after the divorce, big houses and empty space, thousand dollar watches, the smell of jail permanently stuck to a three piece suit, painfully happy memories, ignoring the way guilt makes it hard to breath, arguing in a favor of a guilty party.

FRANK HAMILTON looks an awful lot like DAVID HARBOUR. HE is FORTY ONE and while they’re DEVOTED, they have a tendency to get pretty UNPRINCIPLED. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to SEDATED by HOZIER.

inspired by ;; hank from detroit become human and chief hopper from stranger things

                                                              tw: gambbling, alcoholism

a mess trying to pass for a functioning human being

he is a dirty cop that accepts bribes to let people off the hook and gets money from gangs to look the other way when he knows they will be doing something wrong somewhere bc he truly cannot bring himself to care

honestly i have no excuses for his behavior

has a huge problem with gambling. 

born in kola. lived in kola for almost 30 years. moved out after his marriage fell apart, but has recently moved back

the kind of human being who thinks blood and gasoline are sexy

the kind of person that goes All Fucking Out for things and then when things don’t turn out exactly how he expected them to he makes a fuss about it and goes like “why did i even bother?”

will call you out on your bullshit and then act like people just throw shit at other’s face like that. stare you in the eye after exposing you and ask ‘what?’

says stuff like ‘i might be a shitty person but at least i’m upfront about it’ and ‘i prefer not to get involved in people’s lives.’

there is no such thing as a acquaintances. frank either loves you with all his heart and would kill a man for you OR he hates you and the fact that you are able to talk annoys him

you’ve heard of overachivers ?? well frank  is here to present you A True Underachiever. he tries to do the bare minimum amount of work possible 

the personification of /r/notmyjob

would probably go to an underground fighting ring for fun

channels his unhappiness into unhealthy habits. drinks too much, smokes too much. doesn’t do anything to change the fact that he is unhappy

gambled his marriage away by which i mean he gambled everything owned away and kept trying to find excuses for it until she was done and left . he still loves her but he feels like shit and he doesn’t wanna drag her back into his shitty life ( wc ? pls ? )

moved away from kola when his marriage ended and went to las vegas. lived there until he got in dept there too and he couldn’t find anywhere else to play then came back to kola 

at some point was wide-eyed and hopeful and interested in helping people but slowly became unhappy with how he didn’t go anywhere, didn’t become better, greater, didn’t do more and then slowly things just went to shit

aesthetics — casual cruelty in the name of honesty, cigarette buds collecting on an old ashtray, crumbled dollar bills found between couch cushions, falling asleep at three o’clock and waking up the next day, bloody knuckles, handcuffs and police siren, the smell of alcohol in your breath at ten in the morning, unironed shirts and old cologne, knowing something is wrong but doing it anyway, ignored calls from concerned family members, remembering you have to do something just as it is too late to do it, the thrill in heartbeat when you land a punch in someone’s face, drunk steps stumbling out of the bar, begging people for one more chance.

SEBASTIAN “BASH” VANCOOP looks an awful lot like LIAM PAYNE. HE is TWENTY TWO and while they’re CHARMING, they have a tendency to get pretty SELFISH. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to PLAY ME LIKE A VIOLIN by JEREMY.

inspired by ;; hakeem lyon from empire and aaron burr from hamilton

that one sort of famous person that is always shirtless in other famous’ people instagram stories

treats people like things he can use and drop when he gets tired of

fake af. will say he likes you and then shit talk about you behind your back

that one person that goes ‘ooooooooooh you are gonna let them talk like that about you ?? ’ when other people are fighting 

only wears prada chanel and gucci

can actually be really nice if you get to know him but how ? when there are three hundred walls up ??

thinks people are gonna take advantage of him or make fun of him so he just doesn’t trust anyone. can’t get betrayed if you never let anyone in right ??

doesn’t understand internet culture

was born in an insanely rich family. his father was a famous movie producer and his mother was a famous movie star. picture like spielberg as his dad and kate winslet as his mom 

hates when people say like ‘Oh So You Are [    ]’s son?’

the first movie he was ever in was when he was about 5

he was in a bunch of movies from ages 5 to 12 but it was never really anything big. he was just the main character’s kid or that one kid that doesn’t get much screen time in movies like goonies

he never really liked acting but what else woUld he do ?? look at his family !! look at his legacy !! [ cue ‘wait for it’ from the hamilton soundtrack playing in the background ]

when he was 20 his father produced and directed a movie in which he stared. it was like his first Real role in hollywood action blockbuster. before the movie was out there was this whole hype about him and his dad working together and wow it’ll be awesome but it pretty much bombed. picture like After Earth bomb. everyone shit talking about him and the movie and how dumb it is on youtube bomb. the movie doesn’t get money to pay for itself bomb.

despite the fact that his parents said it didn’t matter. it was just a bad movie. everyone making fun of him and people shit talking about how he didn’t have his parents’ talent got to him real bad. he stopped acting all together.

his parents keep telling him to Do Something but he just doesn’t

is living in kola bc LA is a dumb of reminder of everything he thinks he did wrong

aesthetics — the blinding lights of camera flashes, the light feeling of being drunk, loud songs blaring through club speakers, interviews stopped halfway through, rude comments and anger, crowded parties in expensive summer homes, the overwhelming feeling in your chest when someone gets too close to fast, feigned charm and stranger’s company, running out of things to say after you have known someone for a while, wasted champagne dripping off a tilted bottle and loud laughter coming from the other room, the slow but continues pain in your heart that reminds you you are disappointment.

MATTHEW “MATTEO” DECKER looks an awful lot like JON BERNTHAL. HE is FORTY TWO and while they’re WILLFUL, they have a tendency to get pretty BLUNT. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to SEVEN NATION ARMY by THE WHITE STRIPES.

inspired by ;; frank castle from daredevil, frank castle from the punshiner, frank castle from the born comics series. ( they are three different people, fight me ) seeley booth from bones in season five

                                       tw: alcoholism, ptsd, mention of army, and war

former us marine

mostly goes by decker. his family used to calls him matteo but when other people do it it’s like .. “no”

you have been heard of resting bitch face ? matteo is here to show you the resting i fucking hate you face

swears too much like Wayy too much

he can be honestly really fucking soft i’m ngl but then you gotta be that one person that breaks down walls and again ? who has the time for that ? in the twenty first century?

wants to take care of everyone but pretends he is not interested in people bc he “Knows” everyone is gonna die or leave so there is no fucking point

actually just pretends he isn’t The Absolute Softest for everyone and tries to keep them all at arm's length but then people say ‘hi’ and are nice to him and he is like ‘Fuck me now i like them’

can actually laugh and make jokes which is Impressive imo

but then goes back to being bitter and angry at life

too straight up about things : could heavenly benefit from learning how to read social cues

you have to Tell him things if you want him to understand it. you can’t go around dropping hints. he won’t get it.

drinks his coffee black and without sugar

enlisted when he was eighteen bc patriotism and american dream and red white and blue stars but then that slowly stopped being the point. then he was just doing it bc He had been doing that for years what else would he do ? and then at some point he just saw too much … and then when he was discharged he just Never came back

after he came back he couldn’t find a job and he didn’t know what else to do and he slowly started getting involved with shady stuff and now he sells drugs to pay the bills

disappointed in who he is right now. 

he is honestly Trying his very best.

aesthetics — punching a wall until your hands stings and your chest doesn’t anymore, the pleasant light feeling of holding back laughter, completed tasks and unachievable peace of mind, low chatter in dive bars in dark parts of town, questioning your belief system, roadside motels and failing neon lights, moonlight coming through the bedroom window, leaving the morning after, combat boots, loud honking cars and shaky hands, fighting the urge to shove someone away when you feel their touch against your skin, quiet places and pleasant loneliness, old dusty books and rock music, waking up multiple times in the middle of the night, whiskey mixed with coffee

OCTAVIANUS BRUNO GENTILLE looks an awful lot like FRANCOIS ARNAUD. HE is THIRTY SIX and while they’re ROMANTIC, they have a tendency to get pretty UNREALISTIC. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to SOMEONE NEW by HOZIER.

inspired by ;; jay gatsby from the great gatsby, romeo from romeo and juliet, tom hansen from (500) days of summer, a slam poem i saw on youtube once

                                              tw: bullying, mention of learning disabilities and stutter

romanticized every bad thing that happened in his life.

will romanticize every bad thing that ever happened in your life.

the kind of person that says “things happen for a reason…”

goes by his middle name. honestly thinks his first name is the Most Stupid Thing In The World if you call him octavianus he’ll be legit annoyed. kids used to make fun of him at school all that jazz. just call bruno

he is legit in love with italian culture and history. his father was italian and he just highkey Cannot Shut Up About It

art history professor in kola’s college

the kind of professor that just loves what he is doing… you know when the professor like kinda looks excited that he is talking or sharing knowledge or just talking about shit they truly like ? that is bruno

a nerd but pretends he isn’t

could not do a one night stand without catching feelings if his life depended on it

loves people too much too fast with all his heart

there is an argument to be made for him not actually falling in love with people and just with the idea of love that he made up in his mind but let’s get to that when we get to that

will spend the entire lesson arguing with one student about how inaction in our current political climate is just as harmful as supporting people who are doing harm when he was supposed to be talking about impressionism or something like that

thinks people have a soulmate and he is just trying to find his

100% not only Shows up to slam poetry sessions but Helps organize them

real political. the type of person that rallies when things are wrong and gets others to do it

has too many exes

posts pictures with his current girl/boyfriends on instagram and then doesn’t delete them when they break up bc ‘that’s who i was at that moment’

can recite poetry for you in italian but do not let him trick you. he’ll only be around for the honeymoon phase of the relationship then he’ll be like wow this isn’t perfect. time to end it

loves art !! all type of art !! is terrible at all of it : writing, panting, photography. but he loves it and he does it despite being bad and he tells people to do what they love !! and follow their dreams !!

his parents got a divorce when he was 7 and it was pretty bad. his dad was italian and moved back to italy shortly after. his mother was from kola and he stayed with her.

it was as if his world had fallen apart at that. bruno had never even seen his parents fight and then one day his father just moves out to Another Country he was pretty lost and confused

bruno moved back and forth between italy and the u.s. throughout most of his childhood and adolescence. never spending a lot of time in one place.

though his parents tried to remain friends after the divorce for his sake it never really worked out. his father wanted his mom back while his mother moved on and got married again.

growing up, he had a lot of trouble with accents and language. his father used to speak only italian at home. and his mother used to speak only english.

he developed a learning disability and a stutter after his parents got divorced

kids in school used to make fun of him. the way he talked and his name specially.

doesn’t stutter anymore but when he is talking about something that is hard to talk about, he talks really slowly to make sure the words come out properly

aesthetics — ukulele songs playing softly in a room with echo, piano recitals with ten people in the audience, walking around aimlessly, kissing greek statues, being happy that you are sad because it means that you are alive, cheering on others success, lacking ambition and living the present, old songs hummed in the shower, waking up early and staying in bed until 10am, cuddling under warm blankets, failing in love with a stranger, laughing loudly with new friends, white wine, beautiful paintings in an empty museum, admiring something for way too long,

ANTHONY MILLER looks an awful lot like JOSH DALLAS. HE is THIRTY NINE and while they’re PATIENT, they have a tendency to get pretty SELF-RIGHTEOUS. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to JACKIE AND WILSON by HOZIER.

inspired by ;; prince charming from once upon a time, ned stark from game of thrones, bob belcher from bob’s burgers

                                                                      tw: cancer

cannot talk about his feelings . cannot accept his own mistakes . cannot show weakness . at any point. no matter the subject . cannot let anyone take care of him.

Must be the best at all times for everyone and take care of everyone

self-care is a myth anthony does not believe in

works too much

he needs glasses to read stuff but he pretends he doesn’t so he does that squinting and pulling things close to his face thing. at which point you would probably ask ‘anthony if you don’t want to wear glasses wouldn’t it be easier ? to just ? wear contact lenses ?’ and yes it would it definitely would but anthony likes to make things harder for himself

slow to anger but he has that temper that you literally cannot see coming. he looks serious and stoic and then wow thunderfucking storms breaking chairs and stuff

loves beers and american football

the type of person that says this generation is lost

might smoke too much but he doesn’t talk about that

he doesn’t talk about anything actually

although i love him with all my heart. i would not rec

there is a right way to do stuff and anthony as the holder of all the knowledge and morality Must tell you about it

rarely ever smiles bUT when he does ? smiles like a prince. if we had a royal verse he’d be the king of the entire universe honestly.

he was a oldest child in a family of 7. his parents were super wealthy and he was the One favorite child who both parents used to love and cherish and cheer on.

he got his high school sweetheart pregnant. his parents didn’t want him to marry her bc she was Poor and Not up to standards but he chose love over his family and got disowned for that. hasn’t talked to his family since

his dream life was always to have the perfect picket fence house and american dream type of family. it was supposed to be him, his wife, his son and maybe some day he would have a daughter and it would Be great

he and his wife had a son and they named him hendrix bc she loved rock and jimi hendrix and he loved the name even tho he never liked rock. but honestly ? he was so weak for her he would have loved the name lkgjdflajf if she suggested it

a few months after their first son was born tho she was diagnosed with cancer and a few months later she passed away

after that he raised his son by himself. he really threw himself into it. spent most of his life focused on it and work and now his son is going to college and he doesn’t know what to do with himself

the only person he ever Truly dated was his wife and then he just focused on his son and raising him so he never really allowed himself to date bc then he would have to introduce someone else to his son’s life and all that … sO anthony is usually all cool and fine and then you show romantic interest in him and there is like a visible shift ya know? like he goes from anthony to a truly profoundly awkward person trying to pretend it’s cool

aesthetics — organized work tables, color coded to-do lists, trying your very best at all times, mental exhaustion showing through physical symptoms, dad jokes and laughing by yourself, the smell of new books, comfort found in old libraries, forgetting your reading glasses at home, losing your temper and breaking something, old family photos lost somewhere in the attic, pushing someone else on a swing, sundays afternoons lost at the park, working extra hours instead of going home, cold breeze and hugging yourself to your jacket, trying to explain to someone why they are wrong when they don’t want to listen

[snow-storm27]

21 Questions tag game

Tagged by my mutual, @marvelousvasili, thank you so much, and sorry for the delay

Nicknames: Well, I went by “Red” some in high school, but I don’t really have any nicknames these days.  I was the third “Kyle” in the saxophone section of the marching band, so they needed a shorthand for me that wouldn’t get me confused.

Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Height: 5′11

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor

The last thing I googled: “batman” (I was curious to know if I heard right that Robert Pattinson had been cast)

Favorite musicians: I don’t listen to a lot of music, so it’s a short list. Recently I’ve gotten into Hozier and X Ambassadors, I like Ninja Sex Party pretty well, but I’ve been preferring their covers lately.  Also, John Williams, Hans Zimmer, and Ramin Djawadi make some truly excellent scores.

Some song stuck in my head: "Pollyanna” from the Mother series.  My boyfriend has got me hooked on the Mother games, so it’s been in my head.

Following: 173 blogs, many of which are only sparingly active.

Followers: 300 even.  I’m sure many of them aren’t active anymore though.

Do you get asks: Not really, no.  Getting tagged in this is honestly really refreshing.

Amount of sleep: Well, I am a law student.  If you had asked me two weeks ago, it would be between 0 hours and 4 hours a night.  But now that school’s out, it’s about 8 or so, but they are all throughout the day.

Lucky number: 27

What you’re wearing: A long-sleeved red tee-shirt, blue jeans, and socks.  But I’m about to go to bed, so I’ll swap the jeans for sweatpants in like five minutes.

Dream job: Attorney with the ACLU.  However, that’s a little far away, so I’ll settle for attorney with anyone hiring in about two years or so.

Dream trip: I want to take my mom to see the restored Hobbiton in New Zealand.  When I was in my first horrible fit of depression in middle and high school, what got me out of it was bonding with my mom over Lord of the Rings, and I think that would be really meaningful for the both of us.

Instruments: I played alto saxophone in high school, but I can’t carry a tune to save my life.

Languages: English, and I took four semesters of Latin in high school, but I don’t remember any of it.

Favorite songs: “Almost (Sweet Music)” by Hozier, “Pollyanna” by Catherine Warwick, “Hallelujah” by Rufus Wainwright (it is unironically a very good song, fight me, I don’t care it was in Shrek), and the Shire theme from Lord of the Rings never fails to get me feeling all nostalgic.

Random fact: I was very briefly enrolled in a fencing class, went to one meeting, and then learned that I just went to an interest meeting, and if I wanted to keep going, I’d have to travel about two hours to continue.  However, I still remember how to hold the foil to this very day, and where to position my feet.

Aesthetic: I love a good three-piece suit, but I want to be a lawyer, so I guess that’s to be expected.  I also like wearing button-downs and jeans as my usual look.

Tagging: Oh boy, I don’t know who to tag, I don’t interact with that many people.  Let’s try @pixel-feather, @artfulrodent, and @your-reference-hole.

[thatguysamaniac-blog]

Every now and then a conversation sparks up round the water cooler at TGAM Towers that goes along the lines of someone asking "So is gaming mainstream yet?". Hours, insults, fisticuffs and a reminder on policy on worker in the work place later, inevitably the conclusion is a firm not yet.  We're not expecting an overnight transformation. But what would it take?  We have game inspired video games at the Box Office (okay so they're rarely great), Final Fantasy menus in restaurants, Splatoon and Pokemon collaboration ranges with Uniqlo, LEGO collaborations with Blizzard, Midway and SEGA. Museum exhibitions on video games, design and art. Gaming content seemingly dominates large swathes of the Internet from Youtube through to Youporn. Yet admitting that you choose to spend your time playing video games every now and then still feels, in the UK at least, akin to admitting that you strictly only eat the faces of babies because that's where the softest meat is.    When Does This Pre-Amble End? When it comes to the real world, specifically the high street, video games themselves have virtually no presence at all. In fact it's got worse since our budding interest grew in the 1990s. Arcades are all but dead, few cities have a dedicated game retailer (you might be able to find a grotty copy of NBA 2018 in one of those laptop/mobile repair shops), major supermarkets stock perhaps 4.5 games and media stores in general are critically endangered. TV never manged to 'get' gaming and even though Esports is making huge strides it's still not managed to topple the likes of darts, snooker and cricket from their prime time perches (or even get broadcast at all away from the Internet).  When we first got into gaming we'd wet our pants even when video games penetrated the mass media in the lamest ways from those Lucozade Tomb Raider ads. to the awful why-can't-anyone-crack-gaming-content-on-TV shows and even feigning support for those Resident Evil films when there was frankly nothing else on the horizon. However, now that Netflix is a national sport we're almost drowning in a rich and diverse soup of game-related content. Most of which is total pants. Some of which is bonkers and dare I say some might even have appeal beyond those who would call themselves a gamer (and cringes at the same time because nobody over the age of 12 unironically calls themselves a gamer). Gaming content is so prevalent on Netflix, it even has it's own category, two in fact! Does this mean gaming is mainstream yet? No you babyface eating monster it doesn't are you mad?  Gaming Shit Currently on UK Netflix (Alphabetically) The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 Okay so for all the hype up top, a lot of this stuff is cheesy kid's cartoons. This is a 30 year old cheesy cartoon loosely based on that hot new video game release Super Mario Bros. 3 and although a smidgen better than the Super Mario Bros. Super Show.... it's amazing this franchise didn't just die in the 90s. Remember King Koopa and Princess Toadstool? 13 episodes. 13 episodes too many.  Angry Birds Can any lawyers out there help? Is there some EU mandated law that means video game tie-in media has to come out decades after the thing it is based on became culturally irrelevant? Three seasons of this steaming mess and I've not got to the will to work out if this is related to the movie, the sequel movie out THIS YEAR(?), the toons series or how it will fit in with the WHO IS ASKING FOR THIS CONTENT 'long form' cartoon out in 2020. For those of you younger than 10, i.e. the target audience for this stuff, Angry Birds used to be a video game. Black Mirror Sometimes very video game inspired, sometimes not, this series makes us question our relationship with technology makes us feel even worse for prodding a phone screen and writing swears to other 14 year olds online. Recommended watching but not all in one go mind.  Castlevania Supposedly a decent anime version of the games. I've not watched all of it because I only played Castlevania 64 and Dawn of Sorrow and if you don't understand who any of the characters are, it's reaaalllly slow and boring. Worth a try if you actually have engaged with the critically acclaimed series unlike us.  Digimon Fusion Ergh. Dirty. No. Bad Mega Bloks. No. Dinosaur King Ahhh dinosaur games. Archaeologists have found ancient scrolls that record the Dinosaur King was actually a video game and collectible card game from 2005. This is the series from 2008 that absolutely is not based on Pokemon at all and mixes anime style and really really bad looking CGI.   Final Fantasy XIV: Dad of Light Okay, this series is actually brilliant. Remember how Pinball Wizard was a feature movie advert for Super Mario Bros. 3? Well this is a series length advert for Final Fantasy XIV told through the heart warming story of an awkward Japanese man and his awkward relationship with his awkward recently retired Dad and he tries to rebuild that relationship by getting him into Final Fantasy XIV because they used to play Final Fantasy together. Each week is a new challenge as his Dad quits because of a mechanic he doesn't understand that helpfully his son and his guildmates help explain. Passable on it's own but elevated to must watch by a few scenes that use familiar Final Fantasy sounds that get this glorified advert tugging on the heart strings.  Halo Shit Includes Halo 4: Forward Until Dawn, Halo Legends and Halo Fall of Reach. The first one is live action and frankly awful. Legends is to Halo what Animatrix was to the Matrix and worth a watch. I've watched Halo: Fall of Reach six or seven times and I can't tell you what happens so try it perhaps? Hi Score Girl Weird anime homage to early arcades told through the relationship of a nerdy arcade kid and an aloof posh girl who is very good at video games but not allowed to play them at home. Watch if you you always wondered about turtling in Street Fighter 2 but didn't actually look it up in the last 30 years. Probably very nostalgic for 30 something Japanese gamers. Which isn't us.  Ingress the Animation I've impressed myself that I didn't miss this. Remember Ingress the AR mobile game that nobody had heard of  until it got a Pokemon Go reskin? No neither did I. Well apparently someone along the way believed so strongly in the Ingress vision that they commissioned an anime series in 2018. Really slow. Extremely Japanese. If the game was anything like this then we can understand why nobody has heard of it.  Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (NO LONGER AVAILABLE) This appears to have been pulled which is a shame as it was alright. Apparently, I'm reliably told the events of this film are really important to the context of the game and only told in this film. Errr tough anyway you missed it here.  Minecraft Story Mode Fuck off. Pacman and the Ghostly Adventures Perhaps takes the award for being the least relevant television tie-in ever. We got two seconds in before reaching for the revolver and the sweet release of a bullet kiss to the brain. All the tropes of Saturday morning cartoons with none of the charisma. Remarkably there's also a Halloween and Christmas Merry Berry short to make both of those holidays even more intolerable. Brilliant soundtrack though.   Pixels Probably the best worst video game related movie of all time. I'm not sure who the audience was when it came out and with each year gets more and more obscure. It stays the same amount of crap though which is a lot of crap.    Pokemon Want to watch only the first and last series of the anime and whatever random films seem to be on Netflix at the time? Knock yourself out. For us this is the UK being shit at commercialising this shit at its worst. Its very worst. The entirety of Pokemon has never been available in the UK at the same time ever. We never got VHS/DVD releases for most series or cinematic releases for some of the films. The Pokemon TV app frustratingly cycles episodes in and out and bizarrely Netflix is missing the middle 91 seasons and the first 38 films. It doesn't fucking matter anyway every episode is the same except the latest season where every episode is the same but set in a school BECAUSE WE'RE ALL CHILDREN AND WE FIND SCHOOL SUPER RELATABLE. There's also a creepy birthday video, hilariously with characters from a season otherwise not available on Netflix. Is it too much to ask to employ one person part-time to curate this shit? Rabbids Invasion File under striking whilst the iron is... you know what, I can't hate on the Rabbids. I really want to but honestly they're brilliant and most of their games are too. Probably brilliant. Strangely only the 4th season is available...?  Red Vs Blue The series that built the house of goofing around in games. Early seasons have not aged well at all. How did we put up with the awful sound and even worse 'plot'? 124 seasons of this madness though so if you're in palliative care and want to speed things along...   Resident Evil: Afterlife Hysterically, only the middle film is available serving the incredibly niche audience of people who like the Milaverse Resident Evil films but are four films behind.  Skylanders Academy Remember the smash hit wallet biting Toys to Life game series that ran itself and all the imitators into the ground from 2011 to 2016 and now fill attics and sheds the world over? Well now you can enjoy the 2018 animated series with all handfuls of your favourite characters. Set in a high school. There's also a weird 1 minute long happy birthday message thing that a lot of the kid's shows have done on Netflix so if you really hate your kid and want to let them know you should show them that on their birthday I guess.  Smosh the Movie Is this video games? They look cuntish enough to be Youtubers and this movie is exactly as awkward as you'd expect when Youtubers try to do something proper with make up, production values and nice cameras. Like that *cringes* Game Grumps series. Or when that *mega cringes* green haired kid did that Fortnite dance at that thing. Suggested watching if you're need that extra push to do the right thing and end yourself before it all gets a bit Fallouty round here. Sonic Boom This is the weird one that all the furries like. Tomb Raider I think the rebooted film before the current reboot? Is casting ladies from the North of the UK to be Lara Croft still a thing? In this movie Lara Croft, I kid you not, is a Deliveroo driver and... it does pick up from there but in a very formulaic and inoffensive kinda way. Video Game High School (NO LONGER AVAILABLE) And be fucking thankful. What if instead of lessons at school you played different video games? Live action series with hands down one of the worst cast of actors of all time. Ridiculous premise (which of course later sort of became real with several Universities running esports programmes) glad it got removed to be honest. Yokai Watch The new new Pokemon with 80% less appeal. Not 100% sure the game series is still going. Children's Shows and Toilet Contents So there we have it. No doubt there's a few I missed and some of this may have disappeared by the time you're reading this. A rich smorgasbord of children's cartoons and questionable content that got a pass because it's video games. At the time of writing, there's virtually no adult content and currently no documentaries. Which is a shame. If they wanted, Netflix could become the de facto place for curated traditionally produced gaming related content from Street Fighter live action movie and animated series, the CG Resident Evil Films, Pinball Wizard, King of Kong, Silent Hill one and two, the Dead Space films etc. etc. Instead it seems that they're content to maintain this weird ever changing half complete line up of irrelevant at launch factory manufactured kid's shows and single films from a series. Perhaps they are right though, there's no point competing with YouTube and Twitch which now host infinity hours worth of quality content that gamers are already spending millions of pounds on supporting. Is gaming mainstream yet? Looks like we need to wait until one of the grumpy white middle class hacks at the Guardian produces an op-ed on why they're giving up on Rabbids Invasion despite everyone at dinner parties talking about it or how Smosh the Movie made them bicurious one evening.  It's perhaps better to stay in the margins of the old media whilst defining new media (at a ripe young 40), after all REALLY PUNCHY FINISHER. Right?

http://www.thatguys.co.uk/2019/07/gaming-shit-on-netflix.html