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81scorp · 3 years

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21 tips for writing humor

This was not written by me. It was written and uploaded to deviantart Jan 13, 2017 by DesdemonaDeBlake.

All credit goes to her. I just copied and pasted it here.

There are many theories as to the nature, science, and reason for humor. It's an element of human behavior that seems objective in the skill that is required to execute it successfully, and yet just as subjective for how unpredictably it can hit every individual audience member. Today, I'm going to talk about the various forms that humor takes, and give you some tips for making your humorous story a success. To start with, lets look at what I will call the “five scales of comedy”. (Please note that the following is not intended as definitive list of the only sources and scales of humor in the world, only the ones that I have been able to identify within my own life, time, limited understanding, and culture. Also note that I will use the word “Humor” instead of the word “Comedy,” simply because I do not want this discussion on genres to be confused for the type of story that is opposite of Tragedy.)

The Five Scales of Comedy

A story or other source of humor can usually be found along the lines of five different scales. These are: High Humor vs Low Humor, Sweet Humor vs Acidic Humor, Distanced Humor vs Close Humor, Predatory Humor vs Reflective Humor, and Clever vs Ridiculous Humor. These scales stand apart from the sub-genres of humor (dark, slapstick, dry, etc...), and have to do with how the humor affects the audience. Note that there is no “best” type of humor; there is only humor that works in different ways and which impacts different sorts of people. So wherever you find your story in the scales, know that there is no need to change it unless you want to. Also, the names of the scales are just that—names. Just because your story falls into the category of “low” humor, doesn't mean that it is any less valuable than “high” humor.

Range 1: High Humor

Within the range of High vs Low humor, what we are discussing is the how large an audience we are trying to reach. High humor involves jokes and comical situations that are only understood by a very select group of people. An example might be a comedy series that focuses its humor on the experience of working in a corporate office (like … The Office), or perhaps political commentary. These are only funny to those people who have shared the experience or the political knowledge of the person generating the humor. Basically, the higher the humor, the more the entire set-up begins to resemble an inside joke. This type of humor is excellent for gaining the interest of select demographics who you may want to address. For example, if you only want to talk to nerds (I say non-insultingly because I am one and am proud of it), you might have lots of references to science fiction and fantasy.

Range 1: Low Humor

On the opposite side of the range, you have Low Humor. Low Humor deals with topics, jokes, and situations that are more universal to the human experience. An easy example of this is a fart joke. Everyone in the world farts, and most people are in touch enough with their inner child to think that it is funny if the joke is skillfully set up. Again, there is nothing wrong with low humor; and in certain situations it is even preferable. The lower your humor, the larger your potential audience can be. Other examples of low humor might be family life, slapstick, and situational comedy based on everyday experience. Shows like Spongebob Squarepants, for example, involve such a low degree of comedy that people of all ages, demographics, and locations across the world are able to find delight in it.

Range 2: Sweet Humor

The next range of humor, Sweet vs Acidic, deals with the intensity of the humor itself. Sweet Humor involves jokes, situations, and characters that require less pain and cynicism to appreciate. For example, a story that involves simple characters bumbling around, making mistakes, overcoming, and becoming better people for it would generally fall into the range of Sweet. We don't laugh at their misfortune (or if we do, its lighthearted and with limited consequences, like slipping on a banana peel), we laugh because their situations are joyfully amusing.

An example of this are the sort of jokes and humor found in Youtube “Lets Plays,” like those of Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. We don't laugh because of anything bad happening to these people (or the characters that they play); we laugh because they are eccentric, silly, and joyful in a way that also makes us feel joyful. This form of humor can be tremendously encouraging and uplifting to the types of readers who enjoy it.

Range 2: Acidic Humor

On the other hand, we have Acidic humor. Much like with food, most people have strong preferences and limits to how acidic (spicy, sour, or bitter) they like their humor. Acidic humor deals with laughing at topics that are increasingly serious or even tragic, such as death, illness, social injustice, etc... A popular example of acidic humor is South Park. Those of us who enjoy acidic humor will find ourselves laughing at topics that would otherwise likely bring us to tears. The power of acidic humor is that it helps its appreciators to cope with the difficult truths of life, and also to acknowledge problems that we are otherwise tempted to ignore because they are too hard to think about.

An example of an issue addressed in South Park is the elderly, their treatment, and our fear that we will face the same. Sure, when we watch an episode we laugh when the younger characters mistreat and abuse the elderly in the community. However, a conscientious viewer will then begin the chew on the issue, once the episode is over. We'll look at our own actions, and begin to wonder if our treatment of the elderly is just as bad. Because of the acidic humor, these difficult truths come to the forefront of our minds, we gain the courage to actually think about them, and we can even bring them up in discussion with others. This discussion can then lead to people changing the world for the better.

Range 3: Distanced Humor

This range has to deal with the necessary emotional distance we need in order to be able to appreciate a certain level of humor. Even with lighthearted humor like slapstick, which has very low acidity, the audience needs to be distanced in order to laugh. For example, if I watch Bugs Bunny wallop Elmer Fudd on the head with a mallet, it's generally pretty damn funny. I know that these characters are both flat cartoons with limited depth to their character, and that as non-beings they don't really feel pain. Therefore, I don't have empathy to Elmer's pain (because it is really non-existent), and I can laugh. However, if the show were to show me Elmer's life, how he's been a vegan but famine has caused him to need to find meat to feed his family, and how he struggles to even shoot at a rabbit because it makes him feel like he's betraying himself; then I'm not going to laugh if Bugs hit him with a hammer. I'm too close, and need emotional distance in order for my empathy to not get in the way of my humor.

Range 3: Close Humor

We do not need distance in order to find something funny. With close humor, the jokes and situations actually rely on how well we know the characters and how much we empathize with them. An example of Close Humor is Scrubs. In the show actually find ourselves within the mind of the protagonist, JD, and seeing the entire world through his eyes. He tells us about his insecurities, his genuine pain, his fears, and we actually really care about him as a character. Yet, we find humor in his minor misfortunes and even in his silly victories. The closeness of our perspective amplifies the events that happen in his life in a way that distanced humor cannot achieve. For example, when he stutters and says something embarrassing in front of someone he idolizes, we find ourselves giggling. If Elmer Fudd were to stutter in front of someone he idolized, we wouldn't laugh nearly so hard because we can't possibly understand the stakes of the moment or why meeting this person is so important to him. We need to be close to a character for Close Humor to work.

Range 4: Predatory Humor

With the range of Predatory Humor vs Reflective humor, we are discussing who will be the “butt” or target of the joke. (Note that a joke does not necessarily need a butt, as we will discuss later.) While often used in a negative way, in order to bully and shame others, predatory humor is not a bad thing in and of itself. Predatory humor can be used to tackle and harm negative constructs and ideas in our society. For example, Fairly Odd Parents used to frequently attack neglectful and abusive parenting. Note that the while Timmy's (the protagonist of the show) Parents were frequently the butt of jokes, they were also not the real target (just like parents in general were not the target). The targets were their selfish and non-reflective actions that had damaging effects on their son. We can use predatory humor to attack ideas, and point out the evils that are so often overlooked in society. The trick is to always keep vigilance of your own mind, actions, and motives to makes sure that you do not become a bully who targets the people themselves. Because even if someone acts in an evil way, bullying them will never cause that to change.

Range 4: Reflective Humor

On the other side of this range we have Reflective Humor, which serves to make fun of itself. Again using South Park as an example, the creators would often make their own beliefs and ideals the target of their ridicule. For example, it's fairly clear that the show speaks in favor of LGBT rights and for their being accepted as equals in society. However, they also go as far as to mock people who are so over-enthusiastic and pro-LGBT (to the point of hypocrisy). Another example is when the show begins to teach a moral lesson, the writers will often make fun of themselves through the character of Kyle for being so preachy. The effect of the show making fun of itself is two-fold. First, those of us whose beliefs South Park mocks feel like the show is being fair. Thus, we continue to listen to and respect the views of the creators, even if we don't always agree. Second, we trust the messages of a story more when it has the integrity to point out its own failings. Note that unlike with other scales, Reflective and Predatory Humor can actually be interwoven so that a joke or story makes fun of itself just as much as its target.

Range 5: Clever Humor

The last range of humor that we'll discuss is that of Clever vs Ridiculous. This range is fairly self-explanatory, but the core of its nature is what sort of punchline is delivered at the end of a humorous situation. Clever humor takes the audience expectation and amplifies or twists it to an unexpected place. You can see this in the work of comedians such as Louis CK and Demetri Martin. Martin, for example, has a humorous bit about doorways that say “Exit Only.” The joke then involves his compulsive desire to tell store workers that they underestimate the potential of those doors by about 50%. The delivery of the punchline is true and logical, but it such a way that it humorously exceeds audience expectation.

Range 5: Ridiculous Humor

Opposite of Clever Humor, we have ridiculous humor. This is when the punchline of a humorous situation is so absurd that we can't help but laugh. And example of this is the Spongebob Squarepants episode where he and Squidward get lost while delivering a pizza. They become lost in the wilderness and spend the episode becoming more and more so. Then, right at the end, Spongebob exclaims that they are saved because he's found a big beautiful boulder, the likes of which the pioneers used to ride for miles. And, to make matters even more ridiculous, the boulder works—driving just like a car. We find humor because the punchline is simply so grandiosely absurd that we can't help but enjoy it. Note that both Clever and Ridiculous humor require a great amount of skill and thought to pull off successfully, it's just a matter of your preference and your target audience.

The Five Sources of Humor

Once we identify what type of humor we are employing by using the scales, the next thing to consider is what makes our stories funny. This is something of a challenge, because we don't generally put much thought into why humor makes us feel the way it does. The humor either hits or misses, and we laugh or we don't. Making matters even more complicated is that there are so many theories as to why and how humor works—with everyone from Aristotle to Freud interjecting an opinion. But if we look at the particular sorts of things that make people laugh, we can improve how we use humor in our stories.

Source 1: Misfortune

Whether a cartoon character is slipping on a banana peel, or a character in a romantic comedy finds themselves in an embarrassing situation, the misfortune of others seems to be the most popular form of humor. This is why slapstick and funny home videos have been so prevalent in modern humor. Plato and Aristotle seemed to believe that this was because such humor made the audience feel superior to the characters being ridiculed (Superiority Theory). This seems especially true when we see unlikable characters (like the villain in a children's cartoon) experience misfortune in a comical way.

Though Superiority Theory has its place, I would assert that there is an alternative way that people enjoy misfortune. Perhaps the experience of slipping on a banana peel or being in an embarrassing situation is funny because of our own memories of experiencing the same thing or something similar. Freud and others theorized that humor was a release of energy (Relief Theory). Maybe our camaraderie with the character, mixed with emotional distance from the scene we are watching, creates a safe space to release our own stored feelings of pain or embarrassment. Thus laughter really does become a healing force.

Source 2: Absurdity

In his essay “The Myth of Sisyphus”, Albert Camus defines and explains the absurd.

“It's absurd” means “It's impossible” but also “It's contradictory.” If I see a man armed with only a sword attack a group of machine guns, I shall consider his act to be absurd. But it is so solely by virtue of the disproportion between his interaction and the reality he will encounter. […] Likewise we shall deem a verdict absurd when we contrast it with the verdict the facts apparently dictated. (29)

Though Camus is not talking about humor (rather the existentialist question), I think that the absurd is a source of humor. Audiences are often entertained by the absurdity of a situation. And by looking at Camus' explanation, we can hypothesize that this form of humor comes from the disproportionate contrast of action and situation. An example of this might be one of the last battle-scenes in Braveheart. In this scene, victory looks unlikely, the dramatic tension is high, and it seems to be the most serious moment imaginable. Then, upon being signaled, the protagonist's soldiers pull up their kilts and reveal their bare asses to the enemy. It's so unexpected and so absurd, that many people cannot help but to keel over laughing.

This scene is completely disproportionate to what we would expect to see in this dramatic a moment. The action does not suit the situation, but in a strange way it also kind of does—with the action juxtaposing itself against the situation. Perhaps, just like with misfortune, absurd humor creates a needed release of energy, connected to our own sense of existentialist absurdism. The absurd could then serve to release our feelings of despair in a positive light. The show, Rick and Morty, seems to be built on this connection between absurd humor blended with existentialism and nihilism. Of course, this is just a theory. What you'll want to focus on when writing absurd humor is the relationship of your characters' actions to the situations that they find themselves in. Are they lost in the desert? Have them climb a boulder and ride it home. The stronger the contrast between action and situation, the higher you'll make the potential for absurdity.

Source 3: Wit

Wit is the essence of Clever Humor; its the pithy intelligence that makes us laugh because of all the thought put into a situation. When we hear a witty joke or are part of a witty situation, we find ourselves moving in a forward humorous momentum, instead of the backwards and diagonal momentum of the absurd. But we don't stop at the expected location. For example my mother called me a few months ago, asking me if I was going to wish my brother a happy birthday. The expected response for this sort of set-up/situation is to answer “Yes” or “No”. But I went forward and beyond “No” by asking why she wanted me to congratulate my brother for being one year closer to death (I have an acidic sense of humor sometimes). This reply was much more thoughtful than what my mother expected, and pointlessly taken beyond the realm of reason. Therefore, she found it funny.

Perhaps there is an element of the absurd in any given amount of witty humor. It's as if we are taking extra steps to be as intelligent and rational as possible—ending with us standing somewhere close to the absurd. Using Camus' illustration of absurdity, the soldier with a sword wouldn't necessarily attack the machine guns, but instead go home, refusing to sacrifice his life to be a metaphor. You can see this sort of humor in Youtube series such as How it Should Have Ended. In this series, animators take a closer look at popular movies and then make efforts to enforce logic in worlds and characters that didn't have them. This includes having Severus Snape use his time-travel gizmo to go back in time and kill Voldemort before he became a problem—an action that is so logical that it erases the need for any of the Harry Potter stories to even happen. So when you create witty humor, look to take things beyond the realm of expectation—aiming for the absurdly reasonable.

Source 4: Anti-humor

Anti-humor is when something is so unfunny that it becomes funny, sort of like puns. As we find delight in the absurd and the unexpected, humor and jokes can begin to feel predictable. We begin to look for the solution in jokes, and we're usually smart enough to begin to be able to predict it. In this case, the expected becomes surprising. An example is the classic: “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.” If you haven't heard it before, this anti-humor joke is actually kind of funny. A great example of this are the great collection anti-jokes found online.

You can take anti-jokes to the next level using extremely acidic humor. This is where you take serious, grievous, or tragic topics and use them as the punchline for your joke. For example, a joke about a fatal illness is not funny because the person making the joke finds that topic amusing (otherwise that person needs some counseling). A joke about fatal illness can be funny to some people for the exact opposite reason—because of how dark and unfunny it is. Again, I believe this ties into a release of negative energy while in a safe space, and the processing of difficult emotions. If you plan to use the extreme form of anti-humor, please note that many people have very legitimate reasons for not enjoying it. So be careful, and give your audience some sort of forewarning so that you do not spring something so emotionally charged on them without their consent.

Source 5: Familiarity and Value

When I was taking university writing classes, I had an extremely eccentric professor who had all sorts of mannerisms that were unique to him. In the moments when he was particularly eccentric and acting out of his true nature (which he was quite comfortable with), I would find myself laughing, even if the situation wasn't funny. I think others can relate to this, as we all love to talk about fun people that we used to know, and find ourselves laughing even when what we are remembering isn't particularly funny. We laugh because those people acting happily out of their own nature gave us joy, and so anything they do creates a laughter that feels akin to humor.

This mirth through familiarity can be accomplished in stories as well. In Bob's Burgers, for example, we really don't even begin to understand the humor until we develop an attachment and feelings for each individual character. Sure the situations are mildly amusing, but true laughter and humor doesn't begin until we know the characters, their likes, their dislikes, and who they are deep down inside. Once we know that, we laugh as each character acts out of their nature. When we see Louise (one of the protagonists) act with mischievous intent, we laugh even before we know what she's doing because we are happy that she is about to act out of who she really is. Note that this is a rather difficult sort of humor to pull off because you have to create a relationship between the characters and the audience before the humor will be possible.

General Tips for Humor

Tip 1: Create a patterned and uniform blend of humor for your story.

When you choose what sort of humor you plan to use in your story, the best way of maintaining audience enjoyment is to keep it constant. Just like when we watch a stand-up comedian, we begin to develop a taste and sense of expectation for whatever we are watching or reading. Over time, your audience will begin to really appreciate the flavor of your humor, and that appreciation will make your jokes increasingly funny (so long as they are creative and continue to be intelligently crafted). The pattern will also make all of your jokes seem, feel, and become purposeful. Your audience will enjoy this much more than if you seem like you are desperately trying to milk the humor from anything you can get your hands on (you perv).

I recommend you begin by analyzing the origins of humor in your story's world. Is the world simply absurd, with unseen gods of chaos just dropping coconuts on people's heads for pure amusement? Does the humor come from a specific character? A group of funny people living in a serious world that they must learn to cope with through humor? A funny narrator with a unique perspective on life? Once you figure out the origins, determine where your humor will fit on the scales (it doesn't have to be on any extreme, you can stay in the middle of the scales and still be hilarious); and then figure out the source.

Tip 2: Create a genuine story with genuine characters, in order for humor to gain the most power.

If we value stories in terms of how much people enjoy and remember them, the best humor stories are those with good plots and characters. This may seem counter-intuitive when your intent is to make your audience laugh, but think of it this way. If an audience wants just concentrated jokes, they will read a joke-book. Your audience is choosing to dredge through the murky waters of story in order to find the humor with more difficulty because they want a blend of story and humor.

An example of this is the movie,“Austin Powers.” Many people, myself included, watched these movies before we ever watched the James Bond movies that they were making fun of. And we enjoyed them greatly, and laughed the entire way through. Why? Because the characters and story, ridiculous as they were, were good enough that we actually invested our interest and emotions into them. As an added bonus, the story has become timeless and respected in its own right. Even if we face a future where nobody knows who James Bond is, the Austin Powers movies will be able to stand on their own merit because they are more than just jokes.

Tip 3: Be careful about dating yourself.

Speaking of parody and humor losing its ability to be funny, let's talk about references that date our stories. Humor at the expense of popular culture (movies, politicians, celebrities) is a fun ploy of high-humor. It's especially useful for nighttime comedy shows that will be lost to time anyways, within a couple years. When you are writing a novel, however, you are trying to create something that will last a bit longer than that. Additionally, novels take a lot longer to write than an episode of a late night comedy show. This means that by the time you publish and people begin to discover your book, they may not know who the vapid pop star you're making fun of is. Your humor will be lost to time, and your book quite possibly forgotten. Of course, I'm not telling you that you can't use this sort of humor, just that you should be aware of the risks it holds.

Tip 4: Mark every line that is supposed to be funny, and make sure that it is.

Nothing detracts from a story or from a spirit of jovial humor so much as an obvious joke that falls flat. It's like watching an acrobatics show. If the acrobat falls on their face too many times you'll either be embarrassed for them or you'll empathize and start worrying for their safety. Either way, you won't find the situation amusing. In your own personal copy of the manuscript, mark every joke for analysis of whether it actually succeeds and whether it serves to empower the story. Then, ask your editors, test-readers, and writing partner to circle every point that they genuinely found funny. Be sure to pick test-readers who fall into the niche you are writing for, as well as those who do not. If nobody but you marked a specific joke, then you need to either get feedback for how to make it funnier, or else cut it.

Tip 5: Write within your own expertise and authority.

This does not mean that you can't laugh at things, and poke fun at things that are outside your realm of expertise, so long as you have done your research. But consider the power of an insider making a joke about something that you are a part of vs an outsider doing the same. It would be like the difference between me calling most writers narcissists (as I am one, and know that it is pretty true in most instances) and a politician making a joke and calling writers narcissists. I mean, what right does that asshole have to judge us, even if it is true? The point is that your jokes gain power when you can tell them with the confidence of an insider. Not only that, but your audience who is a part of the group at the butt of the joke, will be much more gracious and feel far less attacked when the joke comes from one of their own.

Tip 6: Humor is personal

Humor is something that is highly individual to specific groups and people. For example, I do not understand, nor am I really able to appreciate most British or Spanish comedies. This is not because they aren't funny; they are just as valid and hilarious as every form of comedy that I do enjoy. The reason is simply that because of either how I was raised, my life experiences or because of who I am by nature, I can't enjoy them any more than I can enjoy olives on my pizza (seriously, I hate them). It doesn't matter how artfully these types of humor are composed, there is simply no effect akin to joy, amusement, or laughter when I come across them. In other words, the problem is me and not them.

All this is to make three points. First, it may be more difficult to find test-readers and worthwhile criticism for humorous work. Even if I'm really good at critiquing stories, I will not be able to give you any helpful feedback if your humor doesn't match with mine. And that isn't your fault any more than it's my fault. It's just a difference in taste. Second, humor is as personal and close to the heart as any other story or craft. When you create a joke, you are channeling whatever emotions and mixes of experiences have led you to the type of humor you have. So recognize the emotional bond between yourself and your humor.

The third piece of advice is for those on the other end of the spectrum, those experiencing the humor of others and perhaps trying to give advice. Please recognize that others' sense of humor is just as valid as yours. Whether their sense of humor is simple, complex, dry, witty, dark, acidic, sweet, or anything in between, it is their sense of humor and not yours. Be careful in how you voice any attempts at criticism, as there are few ways to break your friends' trust and confidence as completely as when you tell them, “That's not funny.” You might as well be telling them that their heart sucks, and they are a sucky person.

Instead, acknowledge the differences in people's humor, value it even if that humor makes you uncomfortable, and voice your criticisms accordingly. Try: “This joke wasn't successful with me, and might be perceived as racist/bullying/insensitive to some readers; so seek other feedback to see if it's just me.” You will voicing just as honest an opinion, without formulating a direct attack against the person who has trusted you with something so delicate to them.

Weekly Recommended Watching: Doraleous and Associates by Hank and Jed. (A free animated fantasy Youtube series that manages to successfully mesh several humor types with an over-arching plot. Examine how even there are plot elements that are serious and even sad, the series maintains its humor through well-balanced distance and wit. And if this form of humor does not amuse you, that is perfectly valid and your own unique sense of humor is still a valuable thing.)

#81scorp #21 tips for writing humor #comedy

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #392

“l.a. is where stars come to die”

Do you think there’s anything you did better when you were younger? I think I was a better writer, honestly. Like I've developed in some areas, like being less over-dramatic, but I just think my creativity in wording and such has dulled down. Who was the craziest teacher you’ve ever had? I've never had a "crazy" teacher, honestly. What’s the last thing you got paid to do? Take pictures. What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone else? How should I know? Ask either Jason or Sara. Have you ever wanted to model? No. Have you ever seen someone have a seizure? I THINK my sister? Teddy had seizures in his old age, too. What’s your favorite car? I don't have one, really. Do you know any HTML or CSS? If yes, how much? I know veeeeery little basics. LIke, I can change the color of shit and that's about it lmao. Do you tend to care about the lives of celebrities? Why or why not? Only celebrities I really really care about, like Mark. What do you think of the scene style? #aesthetic and I will ALWAYS be envious of the hair. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke? Oh god, I remember one. What is the highest you have been up, other than in an airplane? On a certain faire ride, I wanna say. Is there any hope of you ever seeing your favorite band in concert? Ozzy does want to do another tour at some point, but he's fighting Parkinson's currently, so it's not guaranteed it will happen. Mom and I planned on going to his last one that was scheduled, but the diagnosis cancelled it. :( What is your favorite non-green vegetable? Uhhhhh I guess potatoes. What is your favorite non-traditional fruit? I don't think I've even had a non-traditional fruit. Just basic stuff. Have you ever had Swedish Fish? Yeah, I'm not a fan. What is your favorite origami shape? Birds, I guess. Do you usually take the stairs or the elevator? I pretty much always take an elevator if one's available because my legs can barely handle stairs at all. It's agonizing for me. Do you need a key card to get into the building you live in? No. What was the last takeout food you had? I had a burger from McDonald's a few days ago. Do you take the pickle off your burgers? No, I love pickles on burgers. Do you share a bed with anyone? Just my cat. If you’ve read or watched Harry Potter, which book/movie is your favorite? I haven't. What’s the last app you downloaded on your phone? I re-installed DragonVale. What do you know the most about? Meerkats, Markiplier, and Silent Hill, probably. What TV shows can you not stand? What's that stupid show on Adult Swim, Rooster Teeth or something like that? That shit was so dumb. Have you ever tasted your own tears? I mean not intentionally. Sometimes tears just fall down a spot where it happens. Are your legs hairy? I can almost guarantee to you that I probably have the hairiest legs of any woman you've ever met. Do you like Cheese-Itz? I love them! We don't really buy them though because both Mom and I can destroy a box of them. Have you ever built a sandcastle? I have. Did you ever watch Barney as a child? Yeah, I loved Barney, but not as much as my older sister. She literally "married" him, haha. Have you ever had a pet rabbit? No, but my older sis did as a kid. That poor thing died and Ashley didn't know for THREE DAYS. Mom took it out earlier and I guess she wanted to see how long it took Ash to notice? She didn't take great care of it, so. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? Yes, my friendship ring with Sara. To you, what is especially distracting? Tapping noises. When was the last time you did some major cleaning? MAJOR cleaning? Good question. How do you feel about people who neglect their pets? It sickens me. Have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? Nope. When are you likely to lie? Probably when I don't want to seriously hurt someone. What is a personality type that you do not like? I hate people who think they know everything, are unwilling to acknowledge their flaws and work on them, feel they're better than others, are closed-minded, sexist, bigoted, racist... What is a personality type that you DO like? I am drawn to people who are empathetic and try to understand and consider more than just themselves, are caring and genuine, philosophical and think deeply, are calm, friendly, good listeners, and have a light sense of humor. Which of your friends is the least like you? In what way? I actually don't know. MAYBE Mini with her being extremely conservative to a frustrating degree and overwhelmingly religious. We diverge pretty strongly in beliefs that are important to me. How about the most like you? In what way? Sara! We have incredibly similar interests and morals, and we both are wild over animals. When was the last time you felt under-appreciated? I'm gonna be completely transparent here, even though it's uncomfortable to admit. I was very unhappy with the literally two interactions a poem I was really proud of got on dA. Like it was one I was trying to get published prior to just posting it there, so it was really disappointing to feel so overlooked when you worked hard on something you felt came out great. Does anyone take advantage of you or take you for granted? No. Are you taking anyone for granted? I sure as hell hope no one feels like I do. I definitely try to appreciate those I have to the utmost. What is one selfish thing that you do? I prioritize my alone time probably too much. How about something selfless? I'm pretty much always willing to listen to people's hardships and comfort them even if my own mental health is in poor condition. What do you like to do on your favorite holiday? Just be with family and really focus on how lucky I am to have them. What helps you fall asleep? I guess really paying attention to slowing my breathing, but that doesn't always work. It takes me at LEAST half an hour to fall asleep, so I struggle no matter what. Is there anyone you wish you were still friends with now? Megan. I really, really miss her. What is a fear you want to overcome? SOCIAL ANXIETY. UGH. What is something you do not like about yourself, with good reason? I'm lazy. What do you usually cry about? PTSD. Do you like pizza better on the second day? No. What do you like on your pancakes? Butter and normal syrup. Have you ever made up your own emoticon? I don't think so. How do you generally meet people? Online in one way or another. Have you ever seen a Broadway show in New York? No. Are you listening to music right now? Yeah, "God Hates Your Outfit" by Jeffree Star lmao. Look, it's catchy. Can anyone in your immediate family play the guitar? No. Have you ever wished to be an internet celebrity? How about a ‘real’ one? No. Like I've actually *loosely* considered trying to be a let's player with my love of games, but I don't even want to *risk* popularity; not that I think I'd get to that point, but still, I don't like the chance. Have you ever been kayaking? No. Do you still live with your parents? Yes. Do you believe you will never get over someone? I think Jason will always occupy at the very least a small corner of my mind. I just deal with loss so poorly in general, but that... that breakup was something. What do you order at Burger King? I don't like BK. Have you ever lived by yourself? No. Pretty sure I never could with my depression. What brand cell phone do you have? It's just a Tracfone, lol. Did you ever have a ‘security blanket’ when you were younger? Yes, my stuffed moose. What is your lucky charm? I don’t have one. Have you ever been in a wedding? Yeah, I was a bridesmaid in my sister's. Do you believe in yourself? ehhhhhh What time does your dad usually wake up in the morning? I don't live with him, so I can't say for sure. He's a mailman though, so he gets up early, I know. Who was the last person/people you were in a car with? Mom. What movie do you plan on watching next? I've been meaning to watch Jacob's Ladder for like... over a year, lmao. It served as an inspirational work for Silent Hill, and I know its reputation is brilliant, so I really want to see it. I just... don't really watch movies unless I'm in the theater. When something really scares you, what’s your immediate reaction? Gasp or go "what the fuck" or something along those lines. I can almost promise a curse word is coming out of my mouth, lol. Using song lyrics, say something to your most recent ex: I don't wanna get emotional digging through the songs that remind me of her, so pass, lol. You can only watch 4 TV shows for the rest of your life. What are they? Meerkat Manor, That '70s Show, maybe Pokemon even if I don't watch it anymore (it could be like a comfort show if I'm limited to four), aaaaand I think Ginga Densetsu Weed. Do you think it’s possible for a rap song to make you cry? ... Yes??? There are a couple that have for me. Does the idea of having a baby at your age scare you? I'm not having kids, sooo I don't have to worry about this. What band has the power to make you cry by splitting up? None. I'd be really upset if some did, but I wouldn't cry. Who is your favourite famous person who isn’t a singer, actor, or athlete? Well, I WOULD say Mark, but considering he's officially an actor now... guess not, haha. Uhhhh. Put him aside and I guess maybe Bindi Irwin. I'm not sure.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''god hates your outfit'' by jeffree star

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miioouu · 3 years

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I would neeevvvvveeerrr be with someone else fishy love! I'm here with you! Right now! I can't leave your sight most of the time and now it's even worse after you saw that...uh… totally random dude with “me”.

Wait, so I have competition for my yandere 👀 this is need and I'm totally gonna lose because in that dream I was only supposed to spy on her to see which potions she was making, I was also a yandere hunter. Not a witch hunter!

Lets just say I will die if the witch confronts me.

F, we both can't find stories 😔

I can see boiboi living for it the most, that kinky bastard- fishy would love it the most like, after something bad happened, maybe a break down or after he saw “you” with boiboi, just to make sure you're real and you have a reflection like a normal person lmao

Man we should really expand on my god boi, we only have his looks but what abt personality, he seems pretty lax with sexual stuff and if it's not a real physical thing. He also doesn't understand shit about normal human things.

I'm cursed by two yanderes 😔 sad

You know, sometimes I do remember my dreams but they're so long I don't even bother trying to remember them so I end up forgetting, if it was juicy or interesting I will tell but if it's only mildly interesting I don't even bother, like I swear my dream today, people had enough time to move houses and there were like 5 plot points with different people at the same time, none was that interesting, there was one count that was most interesting but of course I forgot that part 😔

Rika, like, they went HARD with trying to redeem her. TOO hard. It was basically forced and it made me hate her more, just from the fact that Cheritz is trying this hard. It's stupid honestly and it shows how hard they try :/ it's so hard that I swear a wattpad story about baldi x reader had better redeeming qualities for baldi. Like bro. Stop.

I don't hate V as much because they don't try to redeem him as hard. It's like normal you know, you can choose whether you forgive him or not, it's not something like you have to forgive him or else some 5 year old guilt trip shit happens.

I also just like V more because he's actually nice. Like genuinely a nice person. He tries to help Rika, she refuses, they get into an argument, she go pokey pokey V’s eyes now brokey, he helped us escape (I vaguely know what happens in V’s route but I played Saeran’s route three times now, Jumin 4 (doing 5 rn), so I know what happens in saerans route a lot, and i also played his after ending twice.) but in saerans route he decided he can't live without Rika because of this soulmate shit they got going on and Rika in the end is like “i'm gonna turn my sun into ashes” or some shit like that. Emphasis on “my”.

I swear V’s after ending judge route. It's a mess. I could tell you if you want, you probably don't want to get that damn ending yourself anyway. It's worse than most wattpad guilt trip stories like skdbk please why???

Also i think yoosung just has a MAJOR hero worship for her, basically obsession where it can seem like he's in love, but he just looks up to her A LOT. Anyway Rika is adopted :0

Oh man, maybe he's like, a planner or something, like, that's where well get married, I'm thinking of names for our children, that's where we'll have a date-

You get the idea.

Our local horny and sometimes romantic loner boiboi.

Long hair can be smexy, I've only seen fictional characters and some select few (I've only seen markiplier and Keanu reeves, everyone else I've seen are kind of ugli, probably because most I've seen also have that ugly teenage moustache. Pls shave. I don't really see many celebrities, so yeah)

Anyway, the day Aizawa gets short hair is the day I gauge my eyes out, stab my eyeballs and eye sockets, pour bleach in the wounds and wait until I die of blood loss or the bleach.

Especially a nicely designed cape that fits the character somewhat and isn't just plastered on there because yes.

I actually wanted to get Zen’s route first but I got yoosung, didn't really flirt with Zen after that unless the other option was a mean one. Then ill flirt, though yoosung did become jealous at one point 👀

It seems common that people would get yoosung when going for Zen. You just can't be mean to yoosung, but you have to at least onceif you want Zen. It's too easy to get yoosung hearts.

GIVE THE AFFECTION QWEEN CUDDLES-

Boiboi would totally jump on that.

-🐱nonny “you can decide if you want to take that literally or sexually”

Ok that's a beeg one! Let's start!!!

Fishy is just being stupid... If you think nommy is with someone else, maybe that's because you're not doing your job properly hmm?? Think about that 👀

Well... It's not really a competition. Ghost man wants to be with you, so you already know you're his. Though the witch, i feel like if he's been a ghost for waaaay too long, maybe she lost interest, lost hope. Mayne she could reverse the curse, but she's also sad and lonely... Maybe she'll curse you too👀

Your dreams are very complex and action filled. So yeah, remembering them must be so difficult. My dreams are very boring, so even if i tried to remember, it's basically just wasting my time.

I feel like that was chritz goal. They dont want us to like her, they want us to hate her. So they made her super duper annoying.

V is a nive person, a bit too nice to the point its annoying. He's naive. I understand that he tried helping her and all that. That's amazing. But after all the things she did to him, he still tried to help her?! Why bro! I understand you're in love, but that's obsession! Also, if i remember correctly, the way V talked, it didn't feel genuine. Like the "pick me guy". A bit too manipulative, yk? Like ooouh its ok if you dont forgive me, i understand uwu.... No shut up.

Yes! Yoosung was weird, a bit too baby like! It's not my fav type of characters (obv i love jumin, total opposites!) And same, i wanted to get zen but I got yoosung. And i also tried jaehee, but i got yoosung :(

Affection = sexy timez with boiboi sooo... Have fuuuun

#It's so hot here #My hands are sweating #ranty rant #personal #🐱#🐱nonny

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falseroar · 4 years

Text

Is This Your Card? Part 9: On its Own?

((Abe tracks down the District Attorney to share some bizarre news: Mark’s body has gone missing.

Link to the masterlist for the series.))

Abe walked out of the house quickly, heart racing as he scanned the stone patio that ran around this side of the house in search of his partner, but he paused at the unexpected sound of their laughter. Habit getting the better of him, he slowed his pace and, reaching the corner, peered around carefully so as not to be seen.

They were sitting with the mayor, at an angle so that Abe could only see the smile tinged with sadness on the mayor’s face, how he watched them speak as his hand drifted up before stopping itself to rest on the support of the gazebo above them instead.

From this distance, Abe could not hear what they were saying (not for lack of trying), but he could hear the murmur of the attorney’s voice before they stood, the mayor quick to follow suit. A rush of guilt for not so unintentionally spying, plus the risk of being spotted, urged Abe to move forward at what just happened to be the same moment that the mayor leaned in toward the attorney, only to stop short when he saw the hunter striding toward them.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Abe said and the mayor’s posture stiffened.

“You’re not—”

“But I need to talk to my partner about the whole dead body situation,” Abe pressed on, not giving him time to explain.

“Of course,” the mayor said with a measured degree of calm. “Once this storm has passed the actual police can be summoned, and they will need all the information they can get.”

The attorney glanced up at the sky, their brow furrowed as they studied the dark, heavy, but stationary clouds hanging overhead. “Have you two noticed—”

“What do you mean, actual police?” Abe asked.

“Well, while the city may have employed you in the past, you don’t have any authority here. We don’t need a monster hunter, despite what your gut instincts may tell you,” the mayor responded, his dark eyes glittering as they met Abe’s. “If anyone is in charge of this investigation, it would be Y/N.”

“Technically, as a possible suspect I can’t—”

The district attorney’s protest was cut short by the two men speaking nearly at once.

“My friend, please, no one in their right mind would believe for a second—”

“Everyone here’s a suspect, we’ve just got to make do with what we’ve got and—"

They stopped and the attorney just sighed. “You said you needed to talk to me about something, Abe?”

“…Yeah, I need to show you something,” Abe said, ignoring the mayor’s thinly veiled glare.

He didn’t care if it hurt Damien’s precious feelings to hear it: everyone here was a suspect, and to pretend otherwise wouldn’t help anyone get to the truth. The mayor for his part did not protest, only giving the attorney a nod as he watched them follow the hunter inside.

“We have a problem,” Abe admitted once they were out of earshot. “You’re not going to believe this, I can barely believe this!”

“What is it now?” Y/N asked, sounding exhausted despite waking up barely an hour or two ago at most.

“The body, it’s gone,” Abe said as he led the way to the door, feeling his earlier rage and frustration and confusion bubbling up now that he wasn’t distracted. “It just disappeared!”

“What? You can’t be serious!” the attorney protested, and Abe had never wanted to be proven wrong so much as when he glanced into the room and stepped aside, gesturing for them to take in the den and the taped outline on the floor, roped off from the rest of the room.

The very empty outline.

“Who did this?!” Abe glared at the outline before turning to meet their accusing stare. “It wasn’t me.”

“What do you mean…Why…” The attorney looked from him to the very Mark-less stretch of floor. “How?!”

“Well, I was giving the body a thorough examination,” Abe said, and the attorney raised a hand to stop him there.

“Yes, I’ve seen you at a crime scene before. Please, if we could skip the details…”

“Right.” Abe normally would have argued the necessity of his methods, but he recognized now might not be the time. “Somebody, not me, must have moved it in between the time I was the last person alone with the body in the room and then stepped outside for a few minutes to take care of some personal business, that you don’t need to know about. Could have been anybody. Except me.”

Probably best he didn’t tell them about the pair of reporters he spotted snooping around, not when they already looked frustrated enough by everything else to tear someone’s throat out. Besides, he was fairly sure he managed to chase those two nimrods off before they could see anything to suggest what was going on inside the house.

“…I’m not sure there’s a way you could have possibly phrased that to make yourself sound more guilty if you tried.” The district attorney pinched the bridge of their nose and breathed in slowly before sighing. “Are you sure no one else—”

They were interrupted by the butler, attracted no doubt by the sound of their voices, who immediately looked down and exclaimed, “What the hell happened here?”

“The body’s been moved,” Abe answered, because there really wasn’t a point in denying it at this point.

“On its own?!”

“No, of course not,” Abe said, only for the implication to hit him. “Unless it did. In which case we’ve got way bigger problems than a simple murder.”

He glanced at the attorney, whose protest was cut short by thunder and the flash of lightning that lit up the window behind them.

“What the hell happened here?”

Abe turned to find the chef had walked into the room.

“The body’s moved!” said the butler.

“On its own?!”

“We haven’t quite ruled that out just yet,” Abe said, only to hear the exasperated sigh of the attorney beside him. “But let’s not forget, we have a murderer we still need to deal with.”

Another round of thunder and lightning must have covered the sound of the next man to enter the room, because Abe didn’t even know he was there until he heard a cry of, “Bully!”

A muffled sound came from the attorney, which they quickly turned into a cough behind their hand.

“Quite a storm out there, eh chaps?” the Colonel asked, grinning as he spotted the attorney’s not very well disguised surprise before turning to the rest of the room. “What are you doing huddled in here in fear?”

Wait, how did someone just sneak up on a werewolf? Even unchanged, Abe knew the attorney’s senses were more than capable of picking up on something like that. He looked from the Colonel to the attorney, too distracted to stop the chef before he answered.

“We have a zombie problem!”

“Ah,” the Colonel said with recognition. “Homo necrosis.”

He turned to meet the chef and the butler’s eyes in turn before locking gazes with Abe as he continued, “The most dangerous game.”

As bizarre and no doubt amusing as it would be to watch how this played out, Abe said, “Mark wasn’t a zombie. I examined his body, thoroughly—”

He chose to ignore the sound from the attorney and keep going.

“And whatever else had been done to it, there were no bite marks, old or new. Mark couldn’t have been turned into a zombie, same as he couldn’t have been a werewolf. Or a vampire for that matter.”

“Technically, you can become a werewolf without ever being bitten,” the attorney said. They coughed again when they found the attention of the whole room on them and added, “At least, that’s just what I’ve heard.”

“Well, whatever he may be now, if someone needs to put the old lad down again, I’m well up for the privilege,” the Colonel said, with a degree of eagerness that was unsettling to say the least.

“What do you mean by ‘again’?” Abe asked. “And what do you mean by ‘privilege’?”

For the first time the Colonel faltered. “Well, I’m just saying, I’ve got plenty of…experience on the matter.”

Chef chimed in, “So do I.”

“That just raises more questions!”

“Well, I’m off to the grounds to see if I can catch a whiff of the old bag of bones, eh?” the Colonel said to the room as though suggesting he were going for a morning stroll before walking out, laughing as though he had just made a joke of some kind.

“Weren’t you and Mark the same age?” Benjamin asked after him, but if the Colonel heard he didn’t bother to dignify that with an answer.

“Alright, I don’t trust him,” Abe said. “Then again, I don’t trust anyone.”

“Wow. Really?” The flat sarcasm in the attorney’s voice made the hunter shrug.

Over his shoulder, he said to the chef and butler, “Alright, if this place wasn’t locked down already then it needs to be now. Secure the front gate, I don’t want anyone in or out until we get to the bottom of this!”

Mark already attracted enough paparazzi while he was alive, and they would be here like flies on a horse if word got out. They needed answers before the police arrived, and especially before this story hit the paper.

A missing body. Something clearly unnatural at work here, or someone pretending like there is. Now they were really starting to get into Abe’s wheelhouse, and he knew where to go from here.

“Locks won’t keep people from getting out, sir,” the butler said hesitantly, deflating Abe’s confidence just a touch.

“Locks won’t, but Chef will.”

While the chef straightened his white coat and walked out of the room to do who knows what, Abe forced himself not to vent at the admittedly beautiful and distracting butler and instead turned to Y/N. “Walk with me, partner.”

Once he was sure that they would follow, Abe began to walk through the house, eyes darting to take in each room they passed.

“There’s too much going on here, too many knots in this tangle that just keep getting tighter the harder we pull. Too many chefs in the kitchen, which reminds me—”

Abe detoured into the kitchen, and the attorney raised an eyebrow when he took the spare master key from its hook in the closet.

“What are you going to do with that?”

“We’re going to start at the beginning, get to the ‘why’ of who killed Markiplier. What reason could someone have to kill him, and why last night?”

“From what I understand, last night’s party was the first time Mark has had guests in this house in months,” the attorney said as they followed him through the winding halls and up one of the staircases. “And he didn’t get out much when he wasn’t acting or doing the press circuits. Last night may have been the first time the murderer had access to him.”

Abe paused on the stairs, feeling the jolt in his heart at yet another crack and flash of thunder and lightning. No matter how many times it happened, it still came as a shock.

Turning to face the district attorney, he asked, “But why did he even gather us all together? Why last night? He said we were celebrating something, but not what. It’s almost like this whole shindig of a hootenanny was just a ruse.”

“Did Mark ever need a reason to do something? Maybe he was just ready to move forward with his life again.”

That gave Abe a reason to pause. So they knew there had been something wrong too. Not that Mark ever talked about it, not that he ever got too personal if he could help it. The man held the world at a distance, had done so for as long as Abe had known him.

Abe realized he had started moving again, eyes still going back and forth as he led the way upstairs and around the second floor before going back down again. This house was big, no doubt about it, but if he could just get a feel for the layout, see where someone might be able to stash a body…

“The question we should be asking ourselves is, who stood to gain the most from Mark’s death? No one does what they did to him without having some kind of reason, and I don’t buy for a second that having the wrong card is what did him in. No, the cards, the guns, the bullets, someone had to have planned this all out beforehand.”

“Someone who knew who would be here, who could dig up information on all of the guests to put on those cards.”

Something in their tone made Abe suspect they weren’t just talking about the butler. He turned to face them, the fact that they were once again on yet another set of stairs giving him a nice height advantage.

“What are you thinking, partner?”

“Mark hired you to investigate the chef and the butler, didn’t he? Maybe they weren’t the only ones you looked into?”

They weren’t meeting his eyes, or they weren’t until Abe asked, “How did you know about that?”

Then a pair of far too tired, red-rimmed eyes met his own with an intensity that made him want to take another step up.

“Same way I know no one took the master key from the kitchen last night, not after the chef went to his room. He has a device in his kitchen that keeps watch at night.”

“What are you trying to say?” Abe asked, like he didn’t already know.

“Your story doesn’t add up, Abe, not with everything else we know. We need to find something to prove that you didn’t have anything to do with what happened last night.”

And then he heard it.

The plea in their voice, begging him to give them a reason to trust him. A reason to believe he didn’t kill their friend.

((End of Part 9. Halfway through the story, and we’re only just now getting into what happened in chapter 2 of WKM. Oof.

Link to Part 10: Something in the Air.

Tagging: @silver-owl413 @skyewardlight @withjust-a-bite @blackaquokat @catgirlwarrior @neverisadork @luna1350 @oh-so-creepy @weirdfoxalley @95fangirl @lilalovesinternet-l @thepoolofthedead @a-bit-dapper @randomartdudette @geekymushroom @cactipresident @hotcocoachia @purple-anxiety-blog @shyinspiredartist @avispate @missksketch))

#markiplier #fanfiction #werewolf au #monster hunter au #wkm au #wkm detective #wkm district attorney #wkm mayor #wkm colonel #da x detective #funnily enough #the body did move on its own #Abe interrupting that hug though #Damien will remember that

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king-theseus-kingdom · 4 years

Text

Dreamscape Hell

This is a fanfic based around my friend @call-me-paxton ‘s Discord server plot--it features Wilford Warfstache, Actor!Markiplier, Marvin the Magnificent, Benjamin the Who Killed Markiplier butler, the Who Killed Markiplier? Manor Entity, and Wylie Warfstache--Wilford Warfstache’s son (in our canon).

Please proceed with caution, as this deals with death and a lot of injury and blood warning--if this may trigger you, don’t read for your own safety. ❤

Wilford had rounded a corner with Ben close behind him, and he let out a cry. "WYLIE!" He shrieks, joy overtaking his entire being at the sight of his son down the hallway. The boy's head shoots up, and a smile lights on his face, tears running from both of their cheeks. "Dad!" Wylie cries, starting to run up the hall towards Wilford. It takes Wilford a moment to see all the blood down Wylie's front, the way the boy's leg isn't working quite right as he runs with a limp. The boy is holding his front, but the pain that should be in his expression is replaced with relief and joy. Wil barely sees Actor and Marvin rushing after him. "Dad!" Wylie is sobbing as Wilford takes off towards him, planning to meet him in the middle. A figure appears behind Wylie, down the hall, the splitting image of Mark. "WYLIE LOOK OUT!" Ben roars from behind Wilford, but a deafening BANG! cuts through the air. Wylie's eyes dilate as his body jerks, the smile cracking apart as he trips over his own feet, starting to plummet to the ground. "Dad.." He chokes, eyes rolling back in his head. Wilford dives, barely managing to catch the boy and going down with him. "Wylie-" Wilford can't breathe, fresh tears gathering in his eyes and running down his face. This can't be happening! His mind screams, Anyone but him!! Oh god, please no! The bullet had hit Wylie in the back of the neck, and there was so much goddamn blood all over him from so many different injuries that Wilford felt sick, so fucking sick.. Marvin, in his cat form, had let out a wail, jumping off of Actor's shoulder and sprinting towards the two pink-headed men. "Oh god.." Ben's hand was on Wil's shaking shoulder, the man's breaths coming out in small gasps as he gazes down. Actor was rushing over, face tight with pain and fury. That was his kid, too. Covered in his own blood, in more pain than you could ever imagine. More than he should have been in for a lifetime. So much more than he deserved to feel...

"Wylie...Wylie can you hear me?" Wil's voice breaks as he presses a hand over the wound on the back of the boy's neck, his body laying across Wil's lap now. "Please..." The boy's eyes open weakly, his body shaking from all the pain. "D...da--" "Shh, it's alright, d-don't--don't talk, Wylie, it's okay..." Wilford whispers, his eyes swirling with a million different emotions. Marvin's paws are pressing against Wylie's shoulder, trying to heal the damage that had been done, the wounds that had been brutally carved into him. "We're gonna get you home, son, I promise, you're--" Wilford's voice breaks, and he hiccups as he holds him tighter. "Dad.." Wylie whispers, his voice sounding like he was drowning. He was choking on the blood that was seeping into his throat from the wound, making his words sound gargled and distorted. "I-I'm..s--sor--ry.." Wylie was crying now, too, his face tight with fear and agonizing pain. Wilford let out a sob, clutching his boy tighter. Actor had a hand pressed over his mouth as he knelt down next to the boy he'd grown to love so much, knives through his heart as he listened to him and watched the emotions melting across his bruised face.

The image of Mark had morphed, turning into Wilford, gun still clutched in his hand. "It was an accident!" The double had wailed, dropping the gun. It disappears in a puff of smoke when it hits the ground. "I swear!" Wilford flinches, a hard sob spilling from his lips as he tries to look anywhere but at his carbon copy. "I didn't mean to kill anybody!" "Shut up!" Benjamin shouts at it, his voice quaking. "Leave us!" A low chuckle spills from the entity, its eyes turning pink. "Life needs a little madness~ isn't that right, William?" The entity shifts, changing shape and turning into Mark once again. Wilford refuses to look at him, soft sobs spilling from his lips. "It's not fair, is it?" Mark, the copy, had growled, moving closer to the group.

Actor turns, a deep snarl on his face. "Get the hell away from us!" He'd roared, grief making his voice quake. Wilford finally looked up, unable to form words. "Life is for the living.." Mark had smiled, hands clasped behind his back. "And your precious boy won't be living much longer..unless you all stay here, where I can give you anything..." "SHUT UP!" Wilford screams, hyperventilating as his whole body shakes, his own eyes flickering pink as Marvin looks up at him. The poor magician was doing everything he could, but after the journey he was so much weaker than usual, and there were so many injuries all fighting to kill Wylie simultaneously.

Smoke pours out of Mark, and Wilford lets out a heart-shattering sob as Dark took the figure's place, white-suited and eyes dark with disappointment, that look that always broke part of Wilford to see. "Same snake, different skin...causing more death, William?" Dark purrs, and Wilford chokes on his breath, shaking his head rapidly. He knew it wasn't Dark, he knew it wasn't the man he loved so goddamn dearly...but it still send red-hot pain through every inch of his body to see him, hear him... "N-N--No--" Wilford gasps for breath, holding onto Wylie like it would keep him alive. "Do you now see the consequences of your actions, my prince?" Dark has appeared closer, gazing down at Wilford with cold eyes. "So much trouble...all for something so small...why leave? You can be free here, with no pain or trauma...no death.." Dark tilts his head, smiling harshly down at all of them. Marvin was hissing, his green eyes glaring up at the impostor. Dark bares his fangs and hisses right back at the feline. "So..what will it be? Stay, and Wylie will be fine? Or leave, and he will die?" Dark demands. "Wylie would never want us to stay," Actor growls, "He never gave in because he wanted us all to be free..." "Fine, have fun burying your precious child." Dark laughs, looking at Wilford for his answer as Ben shakes his head.

The ceiling above them was starting to crack apart as Wylie's life drained away. Wilford was rocking back and forth, trying to keep Wylie alive by pressing his hands over the worst of the wounds as Marvin worked to correct them. "What will it be, William? Save him? Or let him die like all the others?" Dark repeats, void of emotion as he watched Wilford sob in pain and anguish. "Stop it!" Wilford wails, "Just stop, leave us alone! If you're not going to help him then LEAVE US ALONE!" Wilford screams, sobbing his voice raw as Wylie gazes weakly up at him, trusting him...eyes soft despite the deep pain. "Please, pl-lease...Wylie..Wylie..." Wil whimpers, lowering his head and pulling his broken son closer. "Please.." Don't go, don't let me lose you too, I can't do it.. "I'm tired of giving people a choice." Dark snarls, fists clenched at his sides. He walks up to William, seizing the man's chin and yanking his head up. His eyes were black, his teeth sharp and bared in a growl. "I will only heal him if you agree to stay. If not, he dies." "Leave him alone!" Actor shouts, jumping to his feet. The entity rolls his eyes. "Sit down before you hurt yourself." Dark sneers, letting go of Wil's jaw and taking a step back. "..d..a..ad..." Wylie rasps, grabbing onto Wil's shirt with a blood-soaked hand. The poor man looks down, leaning closer. "D..do..n'..t..agr...ree...g...go...go ho...m.." Wylie's eyes are starting to fall shut. "Wylie!" Wilford grips him tighter, "No, n-no please don'--don't close your--" *I'm losing him, he's going to die, oh god no please-* A section of the ceiling crashes to the ground not far from them, and Ben and Marvin both jump in surprise. "His death is breaking everything apart.." Actor whispers, just loud enough for Marvin and Wilford and Ben to hear.

"Your stubbornness will be the death of us all." Dark sighs, straightening his suit jacket. "But fine, let this place fall down, let him die, just like you let Mark die, over, and over, and over, and over again!" Dark's body splits apart into various Marks, each with different, fatal injuries. "Like you let them all die!" He reforms into a single entity. "STOP IT! SHUT UP, STOP TALKING!" Wilford shrieks, shaking his head violently. CRASH as a mirror falls from a wall, the paint and supports crumbling. "G..go.." Wylie whimpers quietly, and Wilford looks down at him again. No, please, I just found out about you, I can't lose you now, please, please no...Wylie... He smiled, Wylie really smiled up at Wilford, as his teeth stained red from blood, and as his shaking body started to slow. Wilford's heart was breaking apart, and he was shaking his head. "I won't leave you, please..W..Wylie.." His mind was snapping, the threads straining and breaking apart, all that progress--all that progress...backtracking, falling apart like the room they were sitting in. Dark watched him with a disgusted expression, lip curled in anger. "We gotta go-" Actor chokes, looking back at them, "This place is going to come down on top of us--w-we gotta move--" He was crying, too, tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. "Wil--" Marvin rubs against Actor's leg, jumping up on his shoulder. "My magic won't work....god I don't know why!" Marvin mentally says to Actor, lowering his head. His ears were tucked back, and his tail was lowered, used only for balance now. Marvin yowls as part of the ceiling comes down and Actor has to move to avoid the debris that shoots up after it breaks off. "We're all gonna die if we don't get out of here.." Actor murmurs, but a soft hiccup comes from him as he sobs quietly, bringing hand up to his face to cover his eyes. Wylie's eyes have shifted, and he's gazing up at Marvin and Actor now, eyes starting to glaze over.

"M..Mar..v.." The boy chokes, and it causes the cat to jump down, every movement stiff with fear as he lays his tail on the dying boy. 'I'm sorry.' Wylie's mind was whispering, 'I'm so sorry I can't keep the promise...' "Stop!" Marvin's small body trembles, "Wylie, no, please, come on.." 'You have to go..take them and go, keep them safe...please...' Wylie's mind answers, and a weak little smile is on his face, 'Please, Marvin...keep them alive for me...tell Wil I love him, okay? It's not his fault...and not Mark's either...' His mind was getting quieter as the room crumbles faster and faster. "We have to go!" Ben cries, stray tears slipping off his cheeks, "William, we must go or we're all going to die!" Actor is kneeling down again now, looking at Wil. "We have to get him out of here, Wil! Listen to me!" Actor shouts, grabbing Wil's shoulder. "We have to get him out! Come on! He needs us, William!" He's desperately trying not to look down as a choked sob comes from Wylie. "Pull yourself together!" "Hold on Wylie! Just hold on a little longer! We're gonna make it, just don't let go!" Marvin was screeching to the boy. He could see it, see all the flashing images in Wylie's head. Wilford and Wylie the first time they met, not so long ago, laughing, smiling...Dark was there too, and Mark, and Finn, and they all seemed so nervous and yet so happy. Wylie's mom, Paisley, took up many of the images. Over the years of him and her, only the smiles, the good times. Actor, the grins he'd sport when he was joking with Wylie, the protectiveness and fond expression.. "I like the Wylie I have in front of me.." Actor's voice sounded. 'Dad..' Wylie's mind whispers, and both Actor and Wil appear in his head. And then Marvin appears, from the cat form landing on Wylie's head to helping the other with his jacket, nothing but fondness existing in the boy's mind when he thought about his new friend that he didn't get enough time with.

'I love you all, so much...' Wylie's mind whispers as tears roll down his face and drip off onto the floor. They were screaming, Wilford and Marvin and Actor, all shrieking for him to hold on as the floor cracks and the ceiling crashes down. Marvin could hear his heartbeat slowing down. 'Take...take care of..of...th...' Wylie's mind stops whispering, and his eyes slowly fall shut, breath escaping his lungs one last time before he goes limp in Wil's lap. The pink haired man's breathing speeds up as his eyes scan rapidly over his son's face, and Marvin tosses his head back with a grief-stricken caterwaul. He was gone. The floor trembles as the ceiling breaks apart. Marvin presses himself against Actor, and the man can feel all the pain the feline is feeling. The repeated "HE'S GONE HE'S GONE HE'S GONE-" ringing in his ears. Actor nearly collapses, feeling sick as he covers his mouth. "No, no, no-" Actor chokes, letting out a sob. "WYLIE!" Wilford is screaming, ignoring the debris smashing down around him. "We have to go!" Ben is trying to pull Wilford to his feet. "WILFORD LET HIM GO!" "NO!" Wilford screams, shoving Benjamin away. "Wil he's gone, we have to go or we're all going to die, too!" Ben is crying, watching his friends eyes turn pink slowly. "We have to go!" "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Wilford screams at him, "What do you want me to do, leave him here?!" "Wil-" "No!" Wil sobs, his mind snapping apart. "I'M NOT GONNA FUCKING LEAVE HIM HERE!" The room was turning black, stars closing in on the crumbling room. Darker...darker...darker... ....nothing.

~~~~

Wilford's body jerked awake in the basement of the manor, gasping and jerking as tears start running down his face. "WYLIE!?" He's still screaming, head whipping around as he searches for the boy. Benjamin wakes up nearby as if he'd come back from the dead, groaning as he held his head. "Wil-" He chokes, gazing at the pink-haired man, who was on his feet and turning back and forth, looking for his child. Marvin was awake, trembling with his knees pulled to his chest, no longer in his fuzzy cat form. He was crying silently, hands over his ears. This can't be happening..

Actor was the one who woke first, and found Wylie's broken body in another room, not far from where the others had woken up. Covered in his own blood, no pulse...body starting to cool already... He's not coming back. Actor felt his heart shatter apart, holding onto the boy gently as he tries to rouse him, in vain. "Wylie.." He whispers, lip trembling. "Oh, kid...please no..." An ear-shattering scream tears through the air as Wilford enters, and the mans knees buckle as he tumbles to the floor, staring at the body in horror.

When you lose your parents, you're an orphan... But what do you call it when you lose a child..? Nothing, there is no name for that.. Because you cannot put a name on that grief.

As Wilford stares at the broken body of his only child, mangled, bloody...he can only scream, in heart-stopping agony, as the body turns cold. As Marvin and Ben enter, unable to stop the pain the two men were feeling.

That night, Wilford Warfstache lost his mind all over again, and Actor lost his will to continue, and Marvin lost the light in his eyes. Ben lost four friends once more, and now himself, as none of them were ever the same again. And poor Wylie, joining Mark, Damien, Celine, Abe, Y/N... As another victim of Markiplier Manor.

#who killed markiplier #wilford warfstache #fanfic #non canon #darkiplier #marvin the magnificent #benjamin the butler #manor entity #angst #gore warning #character death #call-me-paxton #smolliplier #aisu-zeilia #unbearablynaive #anxiousnoodlederg

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franklyshipping · 5 years

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The Cutest Arrogance (Part 4) ~ A Markiplier and Jacksepticeye Ego Fanfic

Hoooo this is going to be Anti's most formidable target....but when Antisepticeye wants revenge, he gets it! LEEET'S DO IT!

TAGGING: @anti-switch-glitch and @yandere-ipli-ler

The only sounds were the slashes of a blade, a sharp blade moving through the air and making contact. Anti followed the noise. He was smirking with excitement as he ambled through the darkened training room, eyes fixed upon the shadowy figure who, for the moment, had their back to him. At certain moments, there would be flashes of crimson from their hair and skirt as they maneuvered themselves expertly amidst their attack training. This just cemented how much of a formidable foe Yandere was going to be for Anti. As he got closer, he noticed that Yandere was surrounded by limbs and torsos and heads of dismembered mannequins, and Anti couldn't help but chuckle as Yandere cleanly decapitated another.

'Ouch, what did he do?'

Yandere paused, before giggling sweetly and turning round to face Anti, her crimson eyes gleaming as she crooned.

'He looked at me funny.'

Anti folded his arms as he paced around Yandere a little, before reaching the newly decapitated head and nudging it with his foot. He teased.

'A tad excessive and dramatic wouldn't ya say?'

Yan raised one of her eyebrows, pursing her lips in amusement at the utter irony of Anti's comment. Anti judging drama was like Dark judging darkness. Yandere leant against a vaulting bench as she inspected her blade, her crimson lips spreading into a smile.

'I live by the expression go big or go home.....like with my weapon. I feel like the bigger the blade the better you are really....it's hard to be intimidating when all you have is a letter opener.'

Yandere pointedly met Anti's gaze....and the glitch blushed darkly. Yandere's smirk confirmed it....she had the fucking nerve to belittle his knives. First of all, it took a lot of skill to fight at close proximity thank you very much! Plus, Anti could use more than one at the same time! They weren't small....well, they weren't THAT small-anyway that wasn't the point! A small growl left Anti's throat as Yan chuckled to herself smugly. Yandere prided themselves on the subtlety of her wording, it meant she could unload insults and cheekiness practically whenever she wanted, and it provided Yandere with a great deal of amusement. Anti however, was NOT amused.

'....you take that back.'

Yandere froze....then licked her lips, still smiling. She carefully put her katana back in its padded case, closing it carefully and safely, then she turned back to Anti. She hands were on her hips and her teeth were bared as she purred.

'Make me.'

Anti fucking lunged....and chaos ensued. And by chaos I mean that they both now engaged in a long, laughter-filled wrestling match that also included instances of them hitting one another with mannequin limbs. It was all in wonderful fun, especially since they both kept trying to out-growl and out-snarl each other. Eventually however, Anti just had to cheat with a little teleportation, thus allowing him to pin the thrashing Yandere down on her front; Anti snickered as he straddled the small of her back, panting as he got his breath back.

'Wohow....you....are a...tough little thihing....'

Yandere snarled through gritted teeth and crimson lips as she thrashed and tried to wiggle her body out, but it was impossible, Anti was too well planted. The fiery red-head glowered and growled.

'Let me up you cheating, wheezy old man!'

She grunted as her struggling continued, to which Anti merely narrowed eyes as he looked Yan's body up and down. He found it amazing that they had so much energy and defiance within them....but in a way, that was going to be Yandere's doom. The more strength there was, the more there was for Anti to chip away at, and the more there was to chip away at....the longer and more intense the torture was going to be. Anti lay on top of Yandere, his lips brushing her ear as he whispered.

'Not until I've tickled the sassy brat out of you....'

Yandere was doing a good job of hiding how nervous she was, but I assure you, she was VERY nervous. Anti didn't know it yet, but Yandere was probably in the most vulnerable position that it was possible for her to be in....especially when it came to being tickled. Yandere snarled, and was about to make a comeback, until creeping fingers at her sides made the defiance cower back down her throat.

'N-no....y-y-you....fuck o-off g-glihitch....fuckfuckfuhuck....'

Yandere clamped down on her bottom lip as hard as she could, pressing her forehead against the floor as Anti's fingers curled and uncurled in the dips of her sides. Anti's teeth were bared in a feral, smug grin as he crooned with true malevolence.

'Awww, would ya look at that....the oh so fearsome Yandere is faltering....'

Yandere tried to growl, and squirmed relentlessly from side to side in a bid to try and get some kind of relief from Anti's evil goddamn fingers; Anti was far too skilled to allow for even a fraction of relief of course. As a result, those growls were diminishing and becoming something far sweeter and cuter.

'Shuhut the f-f-fuhuhuck UP!'

Yandere's giggles were soft and giddy, and had this trilling musical edge to them that just made Yandere all the sweeter and more adorable. They didn't stop either, because Anti's teasy, scratchy fingers didn't stop. Anti had only just started, and he was already filled with glee with what he had unlocked from the Iplier's darling psychopath so far.

'Naaaahhhh, teasing you is fun!'

Anti snickered as he allowed his fingers to scratch more haphazardly, alternating between Yan's sides as well as her bottommost ribs; this made her far more frantic, to Anti's delight.

'S-Stahahahappit stahappitstappitstahahappit!'

Internally, Yandere was cursing Antisepticeye's name and soul and form and fucking devil fingers! Nothing embarrassed her more than being made vulnerable and fucking soft, and she swore that she tried everything possible to evade such devastatingly humiliating scenarios. And yet, here she was, slowly being tickled out of her mind by a tyrannical tease out for revenge. If Yandere hadn't been on the receiving end, she would have been highly impressed by his tenacity; right now though, Anti had more than enough pride and satisfaction in himself to last him a good while.

'Y'know surprisingly, hearing you repeating the word doesn't make me wanna stop....'

He crooned unsympathetically, humming as he decided to see what poking and prodding Yandere's sides would do. He was happy with the squeaks and yelps he received. Yandere was NOT HAPPY WITH THOSE! Squeaks were so damn demeaning....despite Silver and Hosty always saying she sound so endearing and beautiful when she squeaked was COMPLETELY besides the point! That was them, she could accept it when they said it or caused it....but goddamn Anti? It was just too flustering and evil to handle. Especially since Yan thought her squeaks sounded like the squeaks of something metallic being polished.

'C-C'mohohohooon s-stohohOP POHOKING THEHEHERE!'

Yandere's giggles had gotten far louder, thus turning her words into giddy half-yells, which made Anti giggle at how she was trying oh so hard to sound pissed off. Anti hummed and relented for the moment, and upon hearing Yandere's soft gasp of relief....he smirked. Awww, how adorable....she thought she was getting a break.

'Oh I'm sorry, is here better?'

Yan's eyes widened as she let out a short and sudden yell, before descending into wild cackles as Anti unleashed his damned poking at the back of her knees. Her vulnerable, bare, and supremely ticklish backs of her knees. Sometimes I wonder why someone so ticklish there would willingly wear clothing that would keep it exposed all the time, I mean, exposing your ticklish spots on purpose?! What a notion....ahem, anyway.

'AAHH-NOHOHO IHIT IS NOHOT!'

Yandere's cackling was loud for sure....but it wasn't what Anti focused on. Oh no. What Anti focused on was the utter magnificence that were....Yandere's precious snorts.

'Oooohhh snorty spot snorty spot!'

Yandere's face went a fiery red at Anti's crooning, and just as she was about to spit out some wonderful and detailed expletive....Anti's pokes turned to scratches. As you can imagine with a tickle spot such as that, Yandere's planned insult had to be shortened in order to account for the increased amount of laughing, and wailing, that she ended up doing. Still, it was a classic comeback for those who are flustered....only....perhaps more eloquent.

'GOHOHO SUHUHUCK AHA MEHEMBER!!'

Needless to say, Anti's laughter joined Yan's as his eyes widened along with his mirth. His jaw somewhat dropped too because who the hell even used the term 'member' anymore unless you were creating a special club for your subscribers on YouTube? Hearing Anti laugh like that only served to embarrass Yandere even more, especially with what Anti ended up saying as he maintained his scratchy tickling.

'Woooowww, your Hosty would be so proud to hear such eloquence!'

Yandere was damn fast to cry out to that.

'SHUHUHUT IHIHIT!!!'

Anti relented with the tickling, not just to give Yan a small break but also just to give himself the chance to wipe the joyful tears of mirth from his eyes. This was just too good, this whole goddamn thing was a masterpiece.

'Fuhuck....ohoho Yahan you're killin' mehe....ohhh jeez....'

Anti's residual giggles and soft laughs made Yandere feel a multitude of things. First and foremost, embarrassment, although to be honest Yan couldn't remember the last time she HADN'T been embarrassed during this scenario. Second of all, she felt....happy. Hearing Anti just laughing like that and being so happy whilst tickling her just made her feel all warm and giddy inside; knowing that he was enjoying tickling her just gave her joy. Now, thirdly, Yandere was feeling rather nervous. After Anti had wiped away his tears, he'd started absently tapping his fingertips at the backs of Yandere's knees....and thighs. Thighs....equal oh dear. Big oh dear. The biggest oh dear. Yandere decided to try and stay quiet, for the sake of her own sanity.

'Do Hosty and Silver know how sensitive you are-?'

'Yes th-they know f-full well!'

Oh he just HAD TO ASK HER A QUESTION well fuck being silent then....yes, Yandere liked to yell things inside her own brain, hush. Meanwhile, Anti giggled. His eyes were glittering with truly dangerous mischief as he walked his fingertips from the backs of Yan's knees, to the backs of her thighs properly. When he felt the muscles tense at his touch, he knew he had hit gold. He mused arrogantly.

'Mmm, even so, I think I'll tell them about our tickly time together. I'm sure they'd love to know exactly what teases caused their bratty baby girl to crumble....'

Yandere.....whimpered. She was truly breaking down now. This was her kryptonite, she had NOTHING to fight back with. Begging was all she had.

'N-Nohoho....A-A-AhantipleheasenohoI'lldohoanything....'

Anti grinned. He knew that begging was all Yandere had....but it wasn't going to save her. Not from him. He chuckled at her trembling as his traces morphed into something much faster.

'I imagine they'd probably THANK me for taking you down a peg or two...'

Yandere was laughing in an instant, and crying out too since Anti had the goddamn audacity to mention her boyfriends and TEASE her with them no less! He was an ass. A poopy ass. A poopy pile of MOSS ASS!

'NOHOHOHO NOHOHO THEHEHEY WOHOULDN'T THEHEHEY WOHOHOULDN'T!!!'

Yandere shook her head frantically as her face screwed up amidst her truly insane mirth...and Anti just kept talking as he scratched and scratched like her thighs were the tummies of two adorable puppies.

'I bet Silver would be so sweet with his gratitude...''Oh Anti, I beg of you to tickle torture Yan more often! She's such a cheeky little darling and deserves the most evil tickle torture!'' Hehehe...'

Yan was absolutely shrieking with embarrassment, her body thrashing and her hands hitting the floor as intense bolts of ticklishness shot up and down her legs. This was not fair, this was just not fair, she couldn't believe she was going down like this! Alas, the fight in her was gone, and all she could do was struggle and wail with her desperation and flusteredness consuming her. Anti was smug-central.

'SIHIHIHLVY WOHOHOULD NEHEHEHEVEERR!!! OHOHO GOHOHOD THIHIHIS IHIHIS TOHOHORTUHUHURE OHOHO PLEHEHEASE!!!'

Anti giggled and mused, playfully giving Yan's thighs a little experimental squish.

'Ooooohhh I wonder how many pizzas Hosty would narrate into existence for me if I got you to scream-'

'AHHHHAHAHAHAMERCYNAHHAHAHAEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!'

....let's just say that Anti was taken aback by that particularly insane reaction. It was a scream...to put it mildly. Anti decided that now was probably the right time to engage in mercy for the long term, and carefully slid himself off Yandere whilst leaning down to peek at her, trying to see if she was okay. He was nervous, granted, but relaxed when Yan turned her head to him with a flustered smile and a half-growl.

'Hohow....d-d-dahare you....uhuse m-m-my lohoves against mehe....fihiend....'

Yan panted and giggled residually, and narrowed her eyes at Anti when he giggled and winked at her playfully.

'It's your fault for all being cutesy saps and in luuurrrve!'

Yandere pouted softly, before sitting up and running her hands through her red hair with a few gasps and mini shudders....but soon grinned when she caught sight of the hand that Anti was offering to help her up. She accepted it, and purred softly as she dusted down and straightened her mini-skirt.

'Well when you find your love, I'll come for my revenge.'

Anti rolled his eyes and shook his head, and ended up sticking his tongue out at Yandere as they collected their blade and started sauntering away from him.

'Whateeeever! Whoever it is will probably help me take ya down before you can get CLOSE!'

Yandere let out a soft, echoing laugh before she vacated the training room, and Anti snickered at her lasting words. The glitch spent a little bit of time playfully kicking about and doing keepie-uppies with one of the mannequin heads, before leaving the room with his smug heart set on a nap. However, as he left the room, he didn't walk into a corridor...but into someone's chest. Anti looked up....and his eyes widened......

To Be Continued.

HOOOOPE YA GUYS LIKE THIS PLEASE DON'T KILL ME FOR THE CLIFFHANGER, IF YA DOOOO LIKE THE FIC LEMME KNOW AAAAND YE! LUV YOUS XX

#markiplier #markiplier egos #yandereiplier #yandere #jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye egos #antisepticeye #anti #sfw #platonic #ego fic #ego fanfic #tickle fic #tickle fanfic #tickle #tickles #tickling #ticklish #cutie beans

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mookoo-writes · 5 years

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~Day Out With Wilford~ (Wilford Warfstache X Teen! Reader)

Authors Note: I love Wilford so much oof

Fandom: Markiplier Egos Pairing: Wilford Warfstache X Teen! Reader (Platonic) Warning(s): Platonic reader, cursing

Anyway, please enjoy~

~~~~~Y/n P.O.V.~~~~~

Schools the worst. All the homework we receive, being forced to socialize, getting yelled at by teachers, and having to be responsible for all our duties. One of them is bringing a lunch or at least some money for the vending machine. Unfortunately for me, I didn't bring either. I guess I could just ask a friend for something but I don't want to be a burden. I could just use it as a study hall then.

I huffed as I stuck my hands in my pockets. Weaving through the crowds of people to get to the cafeteria, I spot a familiar pink haired entity. Why is he here? I thought I told all of the egos to never come to my school unless necessary. I sigh as I start walking over to Wilford. He looked completely lost. Like he was in a jungle surrounded by animals. Actually, that's a pretty good description of high school.

"Y/n! Fancy meeting you here!" Wilford ran over and gave me a huge hug. I saw over his shoulder that everyone passing by was giving us a weird look, but that didn't bother Wil one bit. He let go and gave me a big smile under his pink mustache. "I thought I told you-" "Yea yea yea I know, but you forgot your lunch on the kitchen counter. Wil pulled a brown paper bag from behind his back. I took hold of the bag and felt something wet on my hands. "Uh Wil, why is it leaking?" I open it and find...

"WHY IS THEIR A LUNG IN A BAG?!" I shove the bag back at Wilford so I don't have to hold the liquid drenched bag. He grabbed it out of my hand and took a peek inside. "Woops. I grabbed the wrong back. I think this is Dr. Iplier's." Wil tapped his chin as he tries to decipher why it was on the counter. Of course, this type of stuff doesn't phase him. On the other hand, I am mortified that I just touched human essence. I just stare at my hands as the liquid lingers on my palms. Wil snatched the handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to me. I quickly grab it from his hand and start drying my own hands off.

"Well, looks like I'm skipping lunch." I sighed as I handed the handkerchief back to Wil. Will gasps and covers his heart with his hand like I just offended him. "Nonsense! I will take you out to eat like a gentleman!" Wilford grabs my arm and practically drags me to the school's exit. There is no way I could stop Wil from pulling me out of school. Plus, I don't want him to stop. My worst subject was after lunch.

"At least let me sign out so it doesn't seem like I'm skipping." I walked over to the school's office and signed some papers to get out of this jail. I walk back to the mustached man as he rocked on his heels in boredom. "Just, don't tell Dark I'm practically ditching school." "Wasn't planning on it gumdrop." Wil gave me a side smile as we walked down the street to a nearby restaurant. "So, what goes on when I'm not home?" I bluntly ask, trying to make conversation. "Well, after you leave for school, we have our meeting" I shake my head, telling him to go on. "Everyone want's to kill each other a little more when you leave." I laugh at his honesty. "I'm a little surprised no one already has." We both laugh until we stop at a little restaurant with an outside seating area. Wil pulled out one of the chairs for me to sit. I swung my bookbag off of my back and set it next to the chair. "What a gentleman." I rolled my eyes as I took a seat across from Wil.

A waiter/waitress came over at our table and handed us our menus. "What would you two like to drink." The waiter/waitress asked as they gave me a wink. I fumbled with my menu from the sudden flirty mood. "I- uh- I'll have a f/d" I gave a nervous laugh as I try to avoid eye contact. Wilford gave a stern look and ordered what he wanted. The waiter/waitress smirked and walked away with our orders. "I'm going to un-alive them." I look over at Wil and see his hand holding a knife. "You better put that thing away! Where in public!" I whispered/yelled at him. He only sighed and stuck the weapon back into his pocket. "Just to be clear, you're not allowed to date until Dark is dead," Wil stated, fixing his pink bowtie. "But he's immortal." "Exactly!" A bright smile was plastered on the pink haired man. "Who are you, my dad" I joked. "Well, all of your caretakers are male, so to answer your question, I guess I am." He gave a proud smile.

Having so many people take care of me kinda reminds me of Steven Univers, except Steven actually knows at least one of his biological parents. I guess all of the Septiceye's and iplier egos are like your dad's without the romantic parts.

The waiter/waitress came back with our drinks and asked us what we wanted to eat. As Wil was ordering, the waiter/waitress kept glancing at me. It was pretty uncomfortable actually.

As they took our order off to the kitchen, Wilford looked at me with a stern expression. "If they do anything funny-" "Calm your straps their Wil" I sigh at his dad like antics. "I think I can take care of myself. After all, I didn't learn how to use a gun for nothing." I gave him a smirk. Wilford's eyes lit up with a proud expression. "That's my girl/boy/other!" I let out a chuckle. I did learn from the best after all.

"Here's your food." The waiter/waitress smiled as they handed each of us our food. "Thank god. I'm so hungry!" I said as I took a bite of my food. "Hi hungry, I'm dad." I slowly look at the man sitting across from and gave out a disappointing sigh. "So it begins," I mumbled to myself.

I took a few more bits out of my meal until I saw a piece of paper underneath all of it.

Call me ###-###-####

"I'm just gonna put that here" I placed the piece of paper under my plate pretending they never put it there. Before I placed my plate back to its original spot, Wilford snatched the paper off the table. His eyes narrowed as he read what was written. He crumpled the paper in one hand and threw it in the nearest garbage.

"How have your meals been so far?" The waiter/waitress asked, leaning on my side of the table. This set Wil off the charts angry and annoyed. He abruptly stood up from his chain and grabbed him/her by the color of their uniform. "You know, It's not smart to flirt with my daughter/son/other in front of their father." Wil spat at the poor waiter/waitress. "I think you're taking this father thing a little to serious." I patted Wil on the back as he let go of the waiter/waitress. "I think we're done here. Grab your bag, we're leaving." I swiftly picked up my back and started walking beside Wilford.

Where probably never going there again.

~~~~~Bonus~~~~~

"You forgot your wallet, didn't you"

"You know it!"

#markiplier egos #markiplier egos fanfic #egos x teen! reader #wilford warfstache #my works

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the-real-bubblegum-bitch · 6 years

Text

ADWM Analysis

So, since WKM, I’ve been in the fandom, and of course this means I watched A Date With Markiplier. But I always watched it one way- MARK is the asshole here, and Dark is trying to protect us from him. Which considering the “Yes” ending, as well as what he did to Damian and Celine, makes at least some sense. But there’s a perspective that, even though it was explicitly pointed out to us, I never considered.

So today, imma analyze ADWM with the idea in mind that Dark is comprised of the worst parts, and only the worst parts, of Damian and Celine.

Dark’s lines are in bold and colors, purple means idk who I think said it. Damian’s bad side seems to be the manipulation he obviously had to use at some point in order to get into politics, whilst Celine’s bad side is her anger.

Did you miss me? I missed you very much.

This line is simply pointing out that it’s a follow up to WKM, and this is the same y/n. Basic stuff here.

I’ve been waiting a long time to see you again. I’ve been pushed aside. Replaced. Mocked.

Okay. So Dark was mocked in relax, but replaced? By who, Is Celine jealous of Amy?

And then he had the gall to not invite me to his little adventure with you. No more. Never again.

The thing that strikes me about this is that it’s said so calmly. I feel like this is Damian trying to silence Celine so he can be manipulative, but since he agrees with her…

IT’S MY TURN NOW

Celine taking control.

I’VE BEEN WAITING PATIENTLY! HE PROMISED HE WOULD LET ME IN AGAIN!

Celine’s rage, obviously, but what did Mark promise?

I’m tired of giving people a choice. But I suppose I could give you one last option.

Obviously, a reference to “life is ours to choose.”

Take your pick. Anything of four different choices, more than he could have given you,

Despite the calm, this feels like Celine. She DATED Mark, and he apparently didn’t give her enough, or she wouldn’t have cheated.

and let’s see how far down this rabbit hole really goes. So take your pick. Show me what you got. And maybe… we’ll have a good date after all.

The line “show me what you’ve got” seems suspicious. Like, why is he challenging Y/N?

Next video:

Good choice, but why do we need to choose in life?

“Life is ours to choose, as I always say.” What happened, Damian, who hur- oh, right.

If dinner is what you want, then I can provide. And I can take you wherever you’d like to go.

Manipulative people try to get you to be loyal to them and trust them BY BEING NICE TO YOU. It’s a real life pattern, Abusers will often apologize with materialistic gifts and then hurt you again. This is what Damian is trying to do.

I can especially take you to the places where you DON’T want to go.

This line is counterproductive to Damian’s manipulation, so it makes sense Celine is saying it. Also, remember, she kinda did that in wkm with the seance. She was into the occult.

It’s exciting… knowing that there are endless possibilities waiting for you.

Beyond just the fact that this scene is overflowing with red, and Damian’s become disillusioned with possibilities and choice, Celine also said she “had her eyes opened to a fraction of what this world has to offer.” So this is Celine.

I CAN GIVE YOU ANYTHING!

Celine, your rage is showing.

I’ve been waiting a long time to get some… personal time between us.

Damian is trying to ring it back in on the manipulation front.

THERE IS NOTHING YOU OR HE CAN DO TO STOP ME!

Calm the hell down, Celine.

So… now that we are here together… we should really get to know each other.

Ringing it back in.

*Screams*

Celine is pissed and struggling for control.

You just need to let me in… it’s as simple as that.

Damian here with the temptation, “it’s so easy to give in, and then I’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted.” ALSO AHHHH WKM REFERENCE

You’re never, EVER going to escape me, not now…

Okay, so this sounds like Damian’s manipulation, maybe. Maybe he was going to continue with something like “not now, not ever, so just give in.” On the other hand, it’s also a bit too threatening for that manipulative charm he’s going for.

If you shoot Mark:

You made the right call. Come here, it’s okay, it’s okay. Oh man. I am so sorry, are you okay? You had to kill somebody… I feel so bad. But hey, it’s okay. We’re here now, we can continue the date with some ice cream. (Orders ice cream, nothing deep here.) its going to be alright. Just relax, we’ll enjoy some nice, dairy-based treats and erm, get to know each other. Really, personally. Go ahead!

To analyze this, we have to compare it to Mark’s dialogue: You made the right call. Come here. Oh man, I am so sorry about that. You literally had to kill somebody, but I’m glad you’re taking it in stride. So let’s get back to the date, relax with some nice ice cream. (Orders ice cream.) Thank you, I have nothing. Sit, sit! Let’s just relax and enjoy our ice cream together and get to know each other again as man and you. Go ahead! Go on!

Did you catch that? MARK DOESNT CARE AS MUCH. You just MURDERED somebody, and he’s concerned about the date. He doesn’t ask if you’re okay, doesn’t tell you it’s alright, he doesn’t care. He only wants to get laid. But Dark does care. Because he SAW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COLONEL. And he doesn’t want that to happen to you. Also Mark’s a dick.

Oops. Looks like you made the wrong choice. But now we’re going to be together… forever.

There’s really nothing to analyze here, except maybe that Dark knows we see him as the villain.

Bonus:

Interesting thing I noticed, if you follow the motion (which you sorta can because of the way it’s cut) MARK is the one who pulls out the gun.

Also, Dark says: Shoot him, he needs to die, he is dark, he is bad, Don’t listen to him, he’s a liar, he’s weird, he does bad things to good people, shoot him now. But he never claims to BE Mark. He could be using dark as an adjective. And he’s right. Mark DID do bad things to good people. He IS a liar.

Meanwhile, Mark says: You don’t have much time. He’s going to kill everybody. What are you talking about? Why are you even debating this? Shoot him now. He’s Dark, I’m Mark. He’s a liar, he’s weird, he’s got weird eyes, don’t trust him at all, shoot him now. I find this especially interesting for a few reasons. First, Dark never killed anyone, as far as we know, and he pretty obviously wasn’t interested in KILLING us, he wanted to OWN us. Second, Mark asks us why we’re even debating this, when it’s… pretty damn obvious! And that’s a fucking dick move to ask. Unless Mark actually sees Dark differently than we do. Which also kinda makes sense, “he’s got weird eyes,” yeah, his eyes are normal.

#theories #darkiplier #wilford warfstache #mayor damien #the seer celine #a date with markiplier #wkm

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littlemissmitsukihorenake · 6 years

Text

Okay, can we just talk about Damien for a minute?

So Mark is dropping all those funny hints that there’s totally a Darkiplier skit coming up, right? Haha, funny stuff. And if it’s indeed going in the direction that MatPat predicted, we’re finally going to get some backstory on Celine (maybe the affair or even how she met Mark or something). This is really, REALLY important, because she’s the third piece of this really big puzzle and probably the one that started all of this, since her affair with Wilford was probably the cause of Mark going crazy and having those whole house shenanigans.

And now that we’re probably getting that, my mind is going back to Damien, our beloved mayor. The one the fandom latched onto as “the one who did nothing wrong”. And the fact that we know little to nothing about him.

Okay, that’s kind of a stretch. We know some things about him, like he’s a childhood friend of Mark and Wilford’s, and we the character Y/N are a district attorney working under him. Also, he’s Celine’s brother (supposedly...it’s not been officially confirmed but it’s kinda on the books). And the body that Mark takes in the end. But past that, that’s really all Who Killed Markiplier told us about him. His personal ties to the story isn’t addressed, because everyone else is directly tied to the plot. But then I remember this post from back when the explanation video came out.

So Dark is essentially the worst aspects of Celine and Damien. Then my question becomes what aspects did he get from both of them? And by figuring that out, we’ll be able to dig up exactly what Damien has hiding up his sleeve...or what he used to have. Because he’s dead...I dunno.

So what exactly do we know about Darkiplier, personality wise? Well, he’s a social manipulator who really, really, REALLY hates Mark and wants to tear him down. He’ll get whatever he wants using any means necessary. Also, he’s cute. But that’s because of Y/N. I guess. Probably. Honestly, that’s probably a theory of its own. And if you look at the post from earlier (with Mark’s additions), you can see that Celine has the temper and the driving motivation, which would definitely be something that would carry onto Darkiplier.

But then that’s basically all the bad things we’ve seen about Darkiplier. Meaning that as of now, there’s nothing really “evil” left that Damien could’ve contributed to this amalgamation. Maybe his social skills? His charming antics that can make anyone believe him? I dunno, it doesn’t sound particularly...bad. Just something a mayor should already have the capabilities to do. So the only place left to go is on the WKM Tumblr page...and there’s not a lot to go on.

There are officially 19 pictures of Abe’s desk on that subreddit. Most is dedicated to Wilford and Celine (whom we’ve already had suspicions about)...but more than enough for Damien. Let’s take a check.

This one seems to suggest that Mark and Damien were scheming...something. It’s not an actual article, so there’s nothing to really read, but it’s also the Enquirer, so it’s probably just tabloid stuff. Plus, the way that the headline is phrased sounds like it’s Mark dragging Damien down, and not the other way around.

THIS STUFF IS THE ONE DRIVING ME CRAZY, and the one that caused this thought process to go through.

Every single one of the characters has some kind of police record on them. You can see it with each person. And here it is, Damien, with a police record. Filed on February 11, by a guy named Meyers, for...something. Both the charge and the information around it is completely blacked out. Compared to the others on the board, where their charges are at the very least filled out.

Actually, can’t help but notice that Damien has dropped by the manor a lot after those charges were filed. Maybe that’s gotta account for something.

And I think THIS is what I was looking for. Looks like Damien is a corrupt mayor, scheming to keep himself in office. I do find it interesting that this article doesn’t name drop Damien anywhere, even though the other articles mention Mark’s name a lot. Why are they suddenly so iffy about saying Damien’s name?

I guess the reason why I’m having a very hard time trying to figure out Damien’s dark side is because he never really shows it to us during the series. It’s been confirmed that Damien was looking out for us the entire time, so even if he was a corrupt politician trying to keep himself in office, he definitely didn’t want to be dragging us into it. And that’s even MORE complicated, due to the media shorthand of corrupt politician = caring for no one, especially not someone who’s working under him.

...yeah, now I’m getting really doubtful of Damien’s good nature. I still think he didn’t deserve everything that happened to him, but it’s definitely clear that he’s not the kind mayor that one day just got his shit rocked in.

...I mean, unless all of this is a cover up and someone set him up so that we all doubt Damien and his extremely nice personality.

Which would mean that there would be nothing for Darkiplier to latch onto.

Unless the only thing Darkiplier adopted from Damien is his stylistic choices.

God dammit, I give up. Here, have a nice Damien GIF as an apology. Thanks for reading.

#who killed markiplier #markiplier #I just wanna study classical mechanics mark #WHY YOU HINTING THIS HARD #just gimme your skit and then I'll go look through it like I always do

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pheebs1864 · 6 years

Text

Without AmazingPhil

Warning: Smut +18

Phil never became a Youtuber so Dan never found him online. Dan never met Phil and he continued trying to get his law degree. One day, Dan visits a café.

Word Count: 2,687

Dan was attending the University of Manchester trying to get his law degree, the key word here was trying. He had been feeling so depressed this last year and he didn’t know how much longer he could go on like this. Going to the same school, talking to the same people, eating the same food, it was just so ordinary. He hated it.

As he walked back to his tiny little apartment in the middle of the busy city, he thought about life. He did that a lot, too much actually. He walked in the front door and flopped on to the carpet as he usually did and laid there for a while, thinking.

When he finally felt the grumbling in his stomach he sat up and walked to the kitchen. Now Dan could cook, there was no doubt about that, but he never felt like it. Day after day he would eat something basic like hot dogs or macaroni. Today he had cereal. That’s right cereal for dinner. Quite frankly he didn’t care. He grabbed the corn flakes from the cupboard and poured them into a little blue bowl. He walked to the fridge and grabbed the milk. He poured it over his cereal, which by the way is the right way to do it not this milk before cereal shit. He walked to the living room to watch YouTube on his laptop.

He sat down on his couch and grabbed his laptop, covered in stickers from out of his satchel (man purse). He opened it up on his lap and clicked on Google Chrome, typed in YouTube and all his subscriptions came up. Anthony Padilla, Markiplier, Joe Sugg, Tyler Oakley, Sprinkleofglitter, Pewdiepie, and a few more. These people were always there for Dan when he was down, and he preferred them to television. He plugged his headphones in and watched a couple new uploads. By the time he was done his cereal he was in the middle of one of Joe Sugg’s videos. He paused it to stand up walk to the kitchen and clean his bowl and spoon. He went back to his couch crease and resumed his scrolling position until late in the evening. He had a class at eight the next morning and he thought he’d better go to bed. He shut his computer and headed to his bedroom. He got undressed and threw on some Pikachu boxers before sliding underneath his black duvet. He checked his Twitter feed a couple of times, he closed his eyes and went to bed.

The next day wasn’t any better. He got up, went to class, talked to the same people, went home ate some gross, partly frozen meal and went on the Internet for his daily YouTube fix. Except there were no new uploads. Apparently, it was national go outside day or something so some Youtuber’s didn’t upload to promote healthy living, some shit like that. So, Dan sat there. What was he supposed to do now? Go outside?

I guess that would be okay, he decided to go for a walk. Maybe he would go to that new tea place his professor has mentioned. Dan didn’t like going for walks unless they had a purpose. To walk and not have a goal to get somewhere just didn’t make sense to him. Dan didn’t really like exercise or the outdoors, but he thought maybe he should give it a try. So, he started on his way, walking all along the campus until he reached the end. He pulled out his phone and typed Nearby Tea into Google maps. The third one from the top was the one his professor had mentioned so he followed its directions and headed Northeast to North Tea Power. It was about 1.4 miles according to Google, so Dan paced himself. He decided to take his time and look around at the city, it was actually quite beautiful. He never really left the campus because everything he needed was within its boundaries, so it was nice to explore for once.

It was springtime, so it was cool to see everything blooming. You know Dan was actually having a nice time just going for a walk until it started fucking raining. Like really? Dan thought, the one day I actually go outside and now all I want to do is go home. Dan ran to the nearest store front with a sheltered area to look at his phone and avoid getting totally soaked. The tea shop was only a block away, so Dan continued walking instead of waiting for the rain let up.

When he got to the shop five minutes later his hair was drenched and beginning to curl. His leather jacket repelled the water but that made the water drip down to his black skinny jeans, making them even tighter. He hung his jacket up next to some umbrellas and other jackets and went to stand in line. Dan looked up at the chalkboard menu above the barista’s head. There was a couple in front ordering, so Dan had a minute to decide.

“Ouch! What the fu-”. Dan began as the man behind him started to apologize as he steadied himself.

“I'm so sorry! I'm so clumsy, I just tripped on the floor. Are you okay? I’m sorry.”

Dan just started to laugh. He knew it was probably rude, but this guy was too adorable. He was a 6’2” pale emo boy with a black fringe. Dan gathered himself and told the tall boy he was fine.

“I'm Phil.” he said reaching out his hand out very awkwardly.

“Dan” he answered, returning the awkward handshake.

The two of them stood there for a minute before Dan could hear the barista calling next. He went up to the counter and ordered the “special” which was some green tea ice frappe something or other because he didn't actually look at the menu. As Dan reached into his pocket to fetch his wallet the emo boy that ran into him earlier put his hand on Dan’s shoulder. He passed him in line order something of his own and paid for both.

Phil turned his head to look at Dan with a smile, “It's the least I can do.”

God this guy is cute Dan thought as he sat across from Phil at a table he had chosen to sit and drink their beverages together. Dan thought it would be rude to go sit by himself after Phil had bought it for him.

“Thank you again” he said, not really knowing what else to say. Phil just responded with a smile. Dan looked out the window not wanting to hold eye contact longer than normal and saw that it wasn't raining anymore.

“Hey, would you want to go for a walk?” Phil asked. Dan did not expect that, was Phil flirting with him? Did Dan want him to be? Just fucking answer him, you look like an idiot just staring. Dan thought but damn he could get lost in those blue eyes for hours.

“Dan?” Phil asked, looking at him a little concerned.

“Oh, uh yeah, I mean sure. That sounds like fun.”

Dan thought it was so weird that this man he barely knew asked him to “go for a walk”. Who does that? Dan could have been some kind of pedophile/tramp/polar bear for all he knew, but he is not, and the walk was actually nice. They walked down the street drinking their beverages, making small talk like new friends would. It was nice to have someone to talk to.

Dan eventually had to tell Phil that he had to head back to campus. Before he left Phil asked for his phone number. Dan was hesitant at first giving this almost stranger anything real, but he looked into those innocent eyes. He could always change his number if Phil ended up being a cannibal.

A few days passed, and Dan got a phone call from an unknown number. He answered to hear a nervous Phil on the other end.

“Hi, uh Daniel? It’s Phil, I was wondering if you wanted to go see How to Train your Dragon?”.

Dan’s heart skipped a beat. First of all, no one called him Daniel but hearing Phil say it he liked it, second of all, this is a date, right? Is Phil even gay? He was so confused. “Yes!” Dan said too enthusiastically. Dan was surprised with his own words. He didn’t expect to answer so quickly but his heart took control for a minute.

Phil sounded really happy, but he was obviously trying to hide it and pass it off as the “cool dude”. “Okay cool! I’ll meet you at the theatre at eight forty-five.” he said, before he hung up abruptly.

Dan texted him after asking which theatre and they both had a laugh.

It was 8:40 and Dan kept checking his watch as he stood outside the theatre waiting for Phil. He wore his good button up black shirt, black skinny jeans and white Vans. He tried on so many outfits before he decided on what he always wore.

Why am I so nervous? he asked himself. Should I have brought flowers? Who pays? Do we hug? Oh lord it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date.

Then he saw Phil. As he stepped out of the taxi Dan’s mind went completely blank. He watched as the tall boy in the leather jacket walked up to him.

“Hey Daniel. You ready to go? I got the tickets online, but do you want some popcorn or something?”

He seemed so much more confident than on the phone earlier and it was kind of turning Dan on. Dan just smiled, “ummm, you like Maltesers?”

They sat down in the back of the theatre even though no one else was there. Dan thought he saw an older couple in the front, but it was pretty much dead other than that. They got settled and the movie started.

About half way through Phil reached over and Dan assumed he wanted some Maltesers but as he moved his hand to offer him some Phil rested his hand on his thigh. Oh my lord. Jesus help me, Dan thought. He just about jumped in his seat but he restrained himself. Okay this was definitely a date. I mean they were flirting all night and a couple times their hands touched over popcorn, but Dan thought it was too good to be true.

Dan looked over at Phil who was casually watching the movie eating popcorn with the other hand. While Dan over here was silently freaking out. What do I do? Am I supposed to react? He admitted it did feel pretty good.

Right as Dan began to settle down and focus on the movie again, although he had no idea what was going on because his mind was otherwise occupied. Phil decided that he’d start to move his hand upwards. UPWARDS. Dan’s now growing erection was not helping him stay calm. He was frozen. Apparently, Phil just wanted to give Dan a mini heart attack because he stopped right before he hit anything other than thigh.

Dan slightly in shock of what his mind just went through looked at Phil. Phil looked back at him and without hesitation, Dan leaned in and kissed him. Before Dan could regret anything and pull back Phil leaned in. He tangled his fingers in Dan’s hair as he slid his tongue across his lower lip. Dan opened his mouth slightly allowing Phil to explore his mouth. Phil, adjusting his angle placed his hand on Dan’s crotch. Dan moaned into their kiss.

Phil pulled away and smiled at him. “Oh, you like that?” He pushed down a bit harder making Dan bite down on his lip to keep another moan from escaping his lips. Phil seemed to like that reaction. He grabbed Dan and forcefully pulled him onto his lap so they were face to face. He brought him closer for another kiss and with his other hand he started to undo Dan’s belt. Dan pulled away, “Phil, I don’t know if this is a good idea, somebody could hear us or –”. Dan was cut off by Phil pulling his head backwards leaving his neck exposed. He kissed his way up Dan’s neck and whispered into his ear, “Then you better be quiet.”.

Dan didn’t know what he was more turned on by, the fact that Phil was so dominant or that they were in the middle of a movie theatre. Phil looked at Dan for approval. Dan shook his head and that’s all Phil needed. He undid Dan’s pants the rest of the way and motioned for Dan to take them off. Once they were off Dan was standing in front of Phil in just his boxers and a button-up shirt. Phil grabbed Dan by his hips and placed him back on his lap. Dan hadn’t notice till now that Phil was now free from his trousers. His cock fully erect and inches away from Dan. Phil kissed Dan again, more forcefully, nipping his lower lip as he began palming him through his boxers. Dan moaned into Phil mouth as he unwilling thrusted into Phil’s hand. Phil took that as a good sign as he pulled Dan’s boxers down and gripped his throbbing cock already slicked with precum. “Is that all for me?” Phil asked as Dan crumbled beneath his grip. Phil moved his hands away from Dan’s cock with a disappointed whimper from Dan before slicking himself with Dan’s precum. Phil got Dan to stand slightly as he positioned himself. “Need to stretch me first. Please Phi-“ Dan was pushed down onto Phil’s cock as he covered Dan’s mouth to keep him from screaming. Dan was so happy that he had fucked himself with his dildo before class that morning or that would have hurt a lot more. Oh god it felt good. Phil took a minute to adjust himself before beginning to move.

“Ahh… yes… please, please.”

“What are you asking for Daniel? Speak up princess.”

“Harder. Need you. Please Daddy.”

Dan didn’t mean to say that, he sometimes watches a bit too much porn, but he didn’t regret saying it because Phil absolutely lost it. He pounded Dan’s ass so hard that he would be surprised if either of them could walk the next day. Phil moved slightly adjusting and

“Oh Fuck!”

Phil hit Dan’s spot just right and Phil knew it. “Gonna cum for me baby? Right here, all over your pretty stomach. Let me lick it off you?” He thrusted into Dan’s ass.

“If you cum right now I’ll fill your tight hole up nice.”

With that Dan came all over himself in the middle of a semi-empty movie theatre. Dan now coming down from his high was still being pounded by Phil. He moaned, “You take my cock so nice Daniel. Such a good boy.” Phil whispered into Dan’s ear.

Phil looked at Dan as if to ask permission one more time before cumming into Dan. He pulled Dan off him and handed him his boxers. Dan looked around for a napkin to clean some of the cum off his stomach and as he picked one up Phil stopped him “Put your clothes on. You’re a filthy boy and you deserve to stay like that till I get you home.”

Dan obeyed and got dressed. They waited till the movie was over and Phil got them a cab. He even opened the door for Dan. What a gentlemen Dan thought to himself. They got out of the cab and Phil walked Dan to his dorm. “I had a good time.” Phil commented. “Me too.” Phil kissed him on the forehead and left. Dan closed the door behind him, slid down the door and sat. “I’m going to marry that man.” He smiled to himself.

#dan and phil games #phil lester #phil micheal lester #daniel james howell #danisnotonfire #amazingphil #dan howell #daniel howell #phanfiction #phandom #phan #phan smut #fanfic

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lethesomething · 6 years

Text

The definitely not definitive otome guide

I sincerely doubt the world needs this, but that sort of thing has never stopped me before. Have an extremely biased guide of several dating sim games, organised by some arbitrary metrics.

Word of warning: this will be long (4k words), because I've played an embarrassingly large amount of otomes.

As a disclaimer: obviously this is a personal opinion. If you (as a lot of people do) enjoy the more forceful bad boy type in your dating sim, I’m not going to judge you. I, however, don’t, so this list is very specifically going to call out games for how they treat the protag.

Featured here: Amnesia: Memories, Blood in Roses, Cutie Demon Crashers, Destined to Love, Dream Daddy, Hatoful Boyfriend, Hustle Cat, Ikemen Revolution, Ikemen Sengoku, Lost Alice, Midnight Cinderella, Monster Prom, Mystic Messenger

A note on play styles.

These games come in a few flavours, which is important to know if you're gonna try them.

The vast majority of the mobile games here follow a basic visual novel structure. You pick a guy and read through the different chapters, and depending on your answers you'll be leaning toward one of two or three endngs. Since these are free to play mobiles, there's a bunch of challenges you will need to log in daily to pass.

Mystic Messenger is the main outlier, since it's a chat simulator that plays in real time.

The pc games tend to be more complex, with interlocking routes and more endings, generally. You'll need a number of skill points to meet character A for instance, or you'll need to do a series of actions to reach ending B.

Great games

Ikemen Sengoku

Hands down one of the best mobile otomes out there right now. I found this when searching for pics of Masamune Date (from a different game) and I've sort of been obsessed with otomes since.

Platform: Android (free to play, pay for premiums) Story: MC gets sucked into a wormhole and finds herself 500 years back in time, in Sengoku era Japan. She drops in on the exact moment where Nobunaga Oda, the Demon King, would be assassinated at Honno-ji. She stops the murder, disrupts the timeline and now there's a bunch of hot warlords vying for her attention. Protagonist’s spine: Reinforced steel. This is one of my favourite protags, because she is Super Sassy and doesn't take shit, unless she's literally being threatened with a sword. The protags where I feel like I understand their actions are few and far between, but this is one of them. Except when she goes far beyond mere bravery to get her man, and decides to forgo tampons and, like, wifi, to live 500 years in the god damn past. Squick factor: Low. This game is made by Cybird, a company that appears very big on consent. The guys generally treat MC with respect, probably more than could be reasonably asked of a Sengoku warlord. The only worrying stuff happens in the Obvious Yandere route, but you kinda know what you're getting yourself into with that one.

The Good: I friggin love the writing for this game. The guys feel like real characters, there's a ton of interaction between them and I need to give this game extra points for the story events, which are almost invariably gold. This is where the makers stop giving a shit about realism and just go for what they want to write. There's ones where all the guys are suddenly idols, there's a Christmas episode, there's one where they battle through cooking and cleaning. It doesn't take itself serious, is what i mean, and it's Hilarious. The Bad: This is one where the in-game art (aside from the CG's) is actually not that great. Hideyoshi's smile is kinda weird looking and the models feel a little outdated at this point. Best Warlord: This is very difficult, because a lot of them are dreamy, but let's just say that I need a Mitsuhide route so very badly.

Ikemen Revolution

The newest Cybird game and my current fave.

Story: MC falls down the rabbit hole when she tries to give a rushed White Rabbit man something he dropped. She ends up in Cradle/Wonderland, where war is about to break out between the Red and Black army, the Hearts and the Spades. Everyone is hot dudes and MC is considered Alice the Second (after the one from Through the Looking Glass). Squick factor: Low. Again: Cybird game. This means there is steamy situations and sex scenes, but they're blatantly consensual. The routes I've played so far keep well within the bounds of what I would consider romantic. Protagonist’s spine: Varnished wood. In general MC is self-propelling with occasional bouts of bravery. You can tell why she's doing the things she's doing and how she reacts to situations feels sort of logical. She's hard-working and caring and a little naïve, but the fact that she's canonically a woman from early 19th Century London does put a lot of her actions in perspective (like the amount of bullshit she puts up with).

The Good: The writing is fun. There's a good mix of angst and just… general comedy. The characters interact with each other a lot, and it feels like they're a big loud family, especially in the Black Army, which is more like a frat than anything else. The art is also decent. The backgrounds are utterly gorgeous and most of the guys are very good looking. When I first started the game I was weirded out by the blinking animation, but I have since gotten used to that. The Bad: I found some of the plot rushed. Like you spend so long slow burn growing toward each other, and then suddenly stuff has to happen action movie style because we're running out of chapters. The final chapters of Fenrir's route were just plain dumb. Like could that BE more of an obvious trap. Come on MC, I expected better of you. Also, since this is a very new game, not that many routes are out (four at the time of writing). Best boy: Hooo man. Of the routes that are out, Ray is very… oooof. But my fave chars are probably 'so done' Sirius (the fact that he's voiced by Suwabe has nothing to do with this, surely) and 'also quite done' Kyle, who is both a doctor and an alcoholic wreck of a human being.

Mystic Messenger

You know Mystic Messenger, it's like one of the biggest otome's of the past few years.

Platform: Android, iOS (free to play, pay for extra saves and stuff) The Story: MC follows a text message to a weirdly high tech apartment and this somehow puts her in the position of party planner for a secretive group of weird people. It only gets more complicated from there. The game plays out in real time, via chat conversations and the occasional story segment. Squick factor: Um. I personally wasn't weirded out, but I also decided very specifically not to play Jumin's route. This girl did her research. The routes in Another Story are also very over the top and would probably bug me. While I love the Saeran character, I don't think I'd be able to handle that route. So: highly dependent on chosen route. Protagonist’s spine: Adderall. It takes a specific kind of person to download a chat app and follow the instructions given by a random stranger therein. It takes a much stranger person to sit in an apartment with a bomb and just keep inviting people to a party. MC is on a different level from us mortals.

The Good: I loved the game mechanic, because it felt very real. The player is following a chatroom, just like the character is. Besides that, the story is completely bonkers and I appreciate that. The Bad: Did I mention it plays in real time? Because it plays in real time, meaning you get chat conversations at two in the morning. I was very sleep deprived when I played this. Best boy: 707. Dude is funny and deep and hot and relatable and smart and I want to give him all the hugs.

Dream Daddy

One of the few decidedly mlm games I've played so far. You've probably heard of it since it was the subject of much hype and much controversy. Markiplier played it. Friggin Buzzfeed has video's on it.

Platform: PC and Mac (it's on Steam) The Story: MC is a Dad who moves into a neighbourhood with a lot of other single(-ish) dads. Time to work it. Squick factor: Low. This is primarily a humour game: there's a ton of dad jokes and silly mini games, and a distinct lack of kabe don's. The canon routes are all very thoughtful. Protagonist’s spine: Barbecued sausage. Player Dad just goes for it. He’s flexible and caring enough to handle the more sensitive subjects, and self aware enough to deal with random crime and weird drunks.

The Good: I remember opening this game and, in the character creation screen, telling a trans friend of mine 'omg you can wear binders', and the sheer Glee of his reaction. That's the kinda stuff this game was, partly, made for and it is appreciated. I really liked the tongue-in-cheek writing, most of the jokes landed and the whole thing is just a lot of fun. The Bad: Some of the minigames are annoying. Why the hell are you making me play Bejeweled with fish? I also had a hard time sympathizing with some of the kids. I mean… Lucien straight up tries to murder someone? Ernest is 'rebellious' but he's also an ass. Best dad: Damien has the best route, but have you Seen Mat? Holy moly.

Not worth it games

Amnesia: Memories

This game should come with a friggin warning, so I'm giving it here. Its popularity and star rating is a terrible indicator for how much you may enjoy this game. It presents itself as a cute dating sim with gorgeous art, but it devolves into straight up horror, and not in the good way. This feels like a guidebook written in the 1800's to tell young women their place. Not even mortified intrigue could make me finish this.

Platform: PC (Steam or Google Play) and PlayStation Vita Story: MC wakes up with amnesia. Someone hurt her and she doesn't know who to trust. You'll need to figure out what happened. Squick factor: Super high. Like… so high. Everyone treats MC like shit and she just lets it happen, even developing all kinds of Stockholm Syndrome as she falls in love with these asshats. MC's childhood friend supposedly loves her but is such a tsun and just… doesn't communicate while also treating her like a small child. One of the other characters is so popular he has a fucking harem but MC is just supposed to wait for him to actually fall in love with her. And don't even get me started on that friggin yandere. *shudders* Even the secret route 'true love' character is a million types of wrong. Protagonist’s spine: Undercooked custard. MC has the self preservation skills of a wet sponge and whoever is playing this is supposed to get turned on by high concept ideas of S&M that are just written out so badly everything feels like an abusive relationship.

The Good: *sigh* The art. The art is very pretty (I'm upset at the art since it sucked me into the horror). Also, as a visual novel, this one is complex as all hell. There's a ton of endings (most of them deadly) depending your actions as a player. It's vast, is what I'm saying. Also, I hear the clover route isn't as bad as some of the others, but I was too weirded out to try. The Bad: See rant. This is one of those games that really seems to glorify the whole possessive, abusive boyfriend shtick, but it's ok because he loves you, really. Ugh. Just… ugh. Best boy: Kent? I guess? He doesn't appear to be actively abusing MC at least.

Shall we date: Lost Alice

I wondered if I should include this because I literally played like ten chapters and then deleted it, but that in itself should give some indication.

Platform: Android (free to play, in-app premium purchases) Story: MC wakes up in the forest with amnesia (I see a trend). Turns out she's in Wonderland and everyone thinks she's Alice. Most of Wonderland's characters are, predictably, hot men. Squick factor: Unavailable. I didn't play far enough to see but some of the men are quite pushy and also it's a Shall we date app, so… tread carefully. Protagonist’s spine: Cement. This is an MC that puts up a fight, which I respect. Sadly she does so in that 'needlessly aggressive' way that anime characters sometimes have. I didn't find her particularly sympathetic.

The Good: The art. It's always the art that gets me. The Bad: The UI annoyed the shit out of me. This is a free to play, pay for premiums game, so some level of mindless clicking is expected if you try to play for free. This one had just too much. There was friend greeting and picture rating and princess lessons and got knows what else, all taking a ton of time. Trying to get to the home page popped up at least four different 'now on sale' screens every single time. The writing wasn't good enough for me to deal with that. Best boy: Well there’s a cat. So.

Decent games

Hustle cat

This game is set in a cat café, that was all the encouragement I needed to buy it.

Platform: PC (Steam) Story: MC is invited to take a job at a cat café. Turns out everyone in the café is cursed, and also they're into you. Squick factor: Almost non-existant. This is a very tumblr friendly game in the sense that your love interests are both male and female, and none of them are particularly pushy. The relationships feel pretty natural and mostly consist of MC helping their love interest with some subquest. Protagonist’s spine: Cucumber. MC is actually pretty cool. The game does that 'modern western game' thing where you get to pick a gender and a skin colour for your protag and the general atmosphere is 'tongue in cheek'. MC doesn't let people walk over them, but they're generally helpful.

The Good: CATS. The premise of this game is pretty neat. The Bad: According to Steam I played this five months ago, and I pretty much forgot about it. Fun game but not particularly memorable. Best cat: Landry. Tall, gentle giants are a particular weakness.

Shall we date: Blood in Roses

This is me giving Shall we Date another shot, because the amount of hot mildly medieval boys was intriguing.

Platform: Android (free to play, in-app premiums) Story: There's two, because this app has been around for a while and now has two 'seasons'. The Witch stumbles upon a supposedly abandoned castle and gets imprisoned there by a bunch of vampires. The Hunter, meanwhile, seeks out the castle because she wants to stop an attack on her village. Both come to realize that the castle is now a hotel for monsters, and that its denizens are both not what they imagined, and also hot. Squick factor: Highly dependent on route. The Witch literally starts in a jail cell, so you can imagine the Stockholm Syndrome shit that goes down. Also, this is a personal preference, but I'm really weirded out by a lot of blood play stuff so most of the vampire routes are gonna be… problematic. Shall we Date games don't shy away from sex scenes and I like that, but coupling them with drinking blood 'to get in the mood' is a rather specific niche. The game does offer a number of other options for you to court, from werewolves to wizards and… grim reapers? It's a mixed batch. If you're not into pushed boundaries I can offer one tip: stay away from the vampires. Protagonist’s spine: Sand cookie. She has one, but it's brittle. I've mostly played Hunter routes and it's like… she tries, and she can take care of herself but she also tolerates more bullshit than necessary, ya know.

The Good: The art is good, and some of the storylines are intriguing despite my reservations. I'm still playing it (mostly in a quest to find a good ending where MC doesn't die to become a weird immortal creature). The UI, while annoying, isn't as bad as Lost Alice's, or so it seems. The Bad: The writing is very hit or miss. There's routes where the guy just sort of lowkey stalks MC, until she suddenly decides she's incredibly in love with him. There's others that make even less sense, and then there's ones that feel more natural. In general, MC's actions don't seem to have a lot of thought put into them. Best boy: So far: Gordon. He's cute and sensible and tortured and not incredibly antagonistic.

Midnight Cinderella

You'll notice a friggin ton of Cybird games on here.

Platform: Android (free to play, premium purchases) Story: MC gets, mostly by accident, chosen to be the Princess of Wysteria. As such she must prepare to govern the country when the king dies, and choose a consort from a number of suitors. Squick factor: Low. Not only are these men respectful of her, they're rather literally treating her like royalty. Having said that, there is a lot of the typical hurtful tsun stuff going in several routes. Protagonist’s spine: Lightly done steak. There's something weird going on with the protag in this game. When it comes to governing, she's tough as nails. She's thrown into a situation she wasn't ready for, and while this stresses her out 24/7, she performs admirably. On the other hand, her main reaction to literally anything when it comes to love is 'Oh'. She cries a lot, at times she feels like a wet rag. There's a bunch of situations she could have just solved by going 'Yeah I'm into you'. She's complex, I guess.

The Good: The writing, while melodramatic, is nice. The art is good as well. The Bad: This is an old game and it doesn't perform that well on my current-gen smartphone. Expect to push certain buttons several times before the game realizes what you're trying to do. Also the loading takes ages. Best boy: For me, Sid, because he reminds me of Aomine Daiki and I'm weak for that type of personality. As far as routes go, Leo's probably had the most impact on me.

Destined to Love

I'll be honest, I started this because of an event in Ikemen Sengoku that would give me cross game storage. Don't judge me.

The Story: MC gets flung back in time (this is also a trend, it seems) to the 1800's, a few weeks before the Ikedaya incident will make the Shinsen-gumi a historic Legend. She meets, and chrams, a whole bunch of historical figures. Protagonist’s spine: Cured leather. As a modern woman sent back in time, MC is probably fairly sassy by the standards of the time, but she remains mostly polite. She's tough, considering the circumstances, but quite pliable in that 'we'll see where this goes and make the best of it' way. Squick factor: Low. There's one character that just screams 'red flag' but I have yet to try his route. Since this is a Cybird game, most of the guys are pretty respectful.

The Good: I really like the premise? As the title suggests, MC's love is part of a higher destiny, one that transcends time, and it's one of the reasons she has to go to friggin 1800's Japan. She has a hand in making history. This amuses me. Also, the guys are pretty good looking. The Bad: This is a fairly old mobile game and you can kinda tell. On a technical level it's not as bad as Midnight Cinderella, but again the touch buttons aren't always responsive. Besides that, some of the writing is rather clunkily translated and a bunch of the art is low res. Best Boy: I haven't played all the routes here, but Katsura is a god damn sweetheart, and Kyo and Yamazaki seem adorable AF.

The weird: the special ones

Hatoful Boyfriend

The reason I know otome's exist. This one shot to meme status a few years back.

Platform: PC (it's on Steam) Story: MC is one of the last remaining humans after sentient birds took over the world. She gets enrolled into an elite school for pigeons. Squick factor: Medium to high. The major thing to understand about Hatoful is that on the surface it looks like a particularly silly dating sim with pigeons, but dig deeper and it is Also a full blown apocalyptic horror story. And it follows the genre where a wrong move gets MC horrifically killed. Having said that, several of the routes, including the god damn serial killer one, didn't bother me as much as something like Amnesia, because they were not sold as romantic. Maybe it's the whole pigeon thing, maybe it's the general weirdness of the plot, or maybe it is because said serial killer actually goes 'Surely you knew this would happen', before he guts you. Protagonist’s spine: Gummy bear. MC is highly forgettable, but therefore also like… not annoying. The main focus here is on uncovering the many layered plot and the player character doesn't really have a scripted personality, she just embodies the player's actions.

The Good: This whole game is so out there. There's a reason it became so popular. It's an Experience. The plot is over the top and intricate and Weird, and that makes it intriguing. There's a ton of routes and endings, some more secret than others. The 'human' version of some of these birds is kinda hot (sadly that includes the serial killer). The Bad: the plot is so weird and meandering that it's kinda hard to follow at times. I'm fairly certain it takes several guides to unlock all the endings. Best Birb: It's been a while, but I remember liking Yuuya's route quite a lot.

Monster Prom

The new hype.

Platform: PC (Steam!) Story: MC is a student at Monster High, and is trying to get a date for Monster Prom with one of the hot people. Squick factor: None. I mean, nothing that happens here is in accordance to health and safety norms, but that's kinda the point. It's a parody game, making fun of all the hoops teenagers are willing to jump through to become popular. Protagonist's spine: Coagulated blood. MC is willing to make deals with demons, wear corpses as a hat, anything really. The question is very openly: what could I do to make them like me.

The Good: It's a funny game. I like the characters, who embody everything from the Mean Girl to the Hipster Nerd and the Needlessly Aggressive Jock. The art is simple, cartoon style, but pretty neat. The Bad: Everything is very tongue in cheek, which leaves it a little… light for my tastes. I don't feel like any of the routes matter in the grand scheme of things, MC hasn't truly touched anyone's heart. The whole thing is a joke game, so it's funny, but a bit shallow. Best monster: Polly, the permanently stoned party girl.

Cute Demon Crashers

Technically a sex game? But a really very special one.

Platform: PC (free! Here!) Story: A portal opens in MC's house and four Incubi/Succubi drop through. To apologize for the inconvenience, while they wait for a portal back, they offer to teach MC about sex. Squick factor: I've written about this game before and the best thing, the very best thing about it is how incredibly consent-minded it is. Like, even if you're already in bed, getting it on, there's always an option to turn back and leave it at that. The demons are really just there to help MC find out what gives her pleasure. Protagonist’s spine: Rock. Obviously, MC is mildly upset about four random demons showing up. As mentioned before, what happens next is mostly up to the player.

The Good: It's free and the art is pretty and I love the premise. The Bad: Kinda short, but again: free. Cutest Demon Crasher: *cough* Orias *cough*

#otome game #mystic messenger #ikemen revolution #ikemen sengoku #amnesia memories #and a bunch more #shall we date #lethey writes #long post

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astronomicalegotism · 6 years

Text

Level Two: MadPat

Revenge Is Best Served Together (Book One)

Part 16

It was instantaneous, One second he was staring wide eyed at broken animatronic in front of him holding the baseball bat that had caused it (And after all the shit Scott had put him through being able to do that was the most therapeutic and yet mentally scarring thing Matt had ever done) and the next he was blinking rapidly from a harsh white light, a stark contrast from the dark and dusty place he'd been before. It was a simplistic room, there was nothing in it which was both reassuring and a cause for panic because, yes there wasn't any noticeable threats but Oh god where was the door-

He instantly realised that A: He wasn't holding that baseball bat anymore and B: He wasn't alone. He instantly tensed up at the sight of the other three in the room before relaxing as he recognised them. Where the hell was Nate though, Nate should be here too right?! Why wasn't he here?!

Matt swallowed harshly but made no move to alert the others to his presence. He'd already known that Mark and Jack where here thanks to Nate, but when Nate had said maybe others, there been a part of him that had been hoping that that had meant more than one person, if simply just because maybe their chances of getting out of here would be higher with more people.

"Ethan!!" Matt awkwardly stood by the side lines in shock as he watched Mark basically throw himself at the poor guy, engulfing him in a tight hug. This was definitely one of those times when the ability to just fade into the wall would be just wonderful. He took note of what they all looked like, after he got over the shock of seeing them that is.

Jack was trying to subtly hug himself, nails digging into his arms. He was looking at Mark with a strange expression on his face, like he wanted to run over and join in the hug but something was stopping him. But what?

Ethan was trembling, a fresh set of tears tracking down his face from red eyes that made it clear that this wasn't the first time he'd broken down. Matt knew the least about Ethan out of all of them in the room, he knew that he used to be Mark's editor and had his own channel, but that was probably about it. That was also semi the case with Jack as well, while they weren't acquaintances and got along fine, they weren't exactly close. The one he was the closest too was Mark and even then...

Mark was staring at Matt, his head facing was from Jack and over Ethan's shoulder. His eyes were narrowed, giving away nothing about what he was feeling. He'd made no effort other than that to acknowledge Matt's existence which was...strangely out of character for someone like Markiplier.

Wait

A sinking realisation struck Matt.

Oh god he was completely alone in this.

He didn't have the same close bond like the three gamers did. He was just Matpat, the theory guy to them. They-

"Mathew!" Matt let out a squawk as Jack suddenly spotted him and ran over, giving him a brief hug. Matt could tell just by those few seconds that Jack's heart was just about ready to burst out of his chest. "Oh thank god I'm so glad someone smart is here." Matt blinked repeatedly as Jack smirked teasingly at him, letting out a small nervous chuckle. Okay, Jack was obviously trying to joke around with him and forge a connection with him, so who was Matt to get in the way of that.

"Well you know me, I'm known for my unbelievable talent of escaping unexplainable night dimensions." Out of the corner of his vision he could still see Mark and Ethan, the older man not having taken his arm off Ethan despite them having stopped hugging a while ago. They were such close friends...

Jack coughed obnoxiously and brought Matt's attention back onto him. Matt's face flushed as he realised that he totally just zoned out on him.

"Sorry I Uh-" I What?! What Mathew, what are you going to say that's not going to make you look like a lunatic?! "I have no idea what's happening." Matt finished lamely, making Jack snort a little. Jack had opened his mouth, probably to say something in response but he was cut off by the sound of a slow clap. Everyone instantly drawing their attention to the new comer in shock.

Especially Matt.

His hair was a mess, Brown tufts of hair sticking up all over and mattered. A old and rusted looking flamethrower rested causally over his shoulder, strikingly calm and yet dangerous eyes lazily scanning over all of them before finally resting on Matt himself. A dark smirk made its one onto the previously bored burnt face. Horrified scars caused from flames scattered his entire body, grotesque and obviously not having been treated properly. There was an unspoken agreement between all four of them as they all promptly backed the fuck up, leaving a wide distance between them and-whatever that thing was.

"Ego," His mind supplied, "He's an ego...My ego. Just like how Nate had-has Natemare."

"Well well well Mathew Patrick, we finally meet." Matt could only stare in horror at what might as well be his own reflection. Matt had never been more simultaneously terrified and yet curious in his life. His overwhelming desire to find out as much as he possible could about all of this was almost enough to make him not be on the verge of a panic attack.

...

Almost.

"What the fuck Matpat you have a psycho twin?! Also wait holy shit Matpat's here!!" Ethan's eyes darted between the two, mouth hanging open. Matt registered Mark face palming distantly, his full attention on the person in front of him.

"Who are you?" Matt asked, wincing as his voice broke a little. Brilliant, absolutely amazing. Love my life.

"I go by many names,"

“Oh my god." Matt took a small step back as it finally clicked. The Musical. God he never regretted featuring in a fanmade fictional production based on an indie horror game more in his life,

"Mainly because I was never really deemed important enough to get an offical one that is." Almost red brown eyes drifted over to Mark for a few seconds before snapping back to Matt. "Antimatter, Madpat-

"Evil dirtbag with a chainsaw."

"Suck a dick Markiplier. I suppose Mad would be the most appropriate currently." Madpat, Madpat...Yeah he's definitely read that name before somewhere.

"What the point of all this, what's going on?" Wait, when had Mark put himself in front of all of them?

Madpat tilted his head in consideration, clicking his tongue repeatedly. Matt took that opportunity to glance back over at Jack and Ethan. Jack had clenched his fists, but what Matt found strange was how the Irish man had positioned himself to still be closer to Matt, away from Mark. Something had definitely happened between those two. Ethan, the poor thing, looked beyond confused. Clearly they were both in the same boat.

“Eh, technically not supposed to tell you but where's the fun in that? Nothing wrong with a good old healthy rebellion every once in a while." Mad shrugged carelessly, the flamethrower only back clanging a little. "Basically," Mad clicked his fingers and the room around them shifted to that of a throne room, Mad sitting where the king would with his feet slung over the side and a tacky crown now resting on his head. "You're now in my own little a hell, a dimension that I can control with ease and!" Mad clicked his finger once again and Matt found himself once again in the old pizzeria, although this time it was horribly distorted and glitching. There were tiny versions of all the animatronics dancing jerkily at Mad's feet, a horrible screeching and crackling noise coming from all of them. Ethan screamed while Jack let out a disturbed "Jesus Fucking Christ!!!" next to Matt.

"Unless your good old pal Natemare," Mad spit the name with disgust, "I actually have a plan here instead of just screwing around like a toddler in a sandbox." Mad rolled his eyes.

"Why are you doing all this?!" Ethan yelled, only to stumble back as Mad's piercing glare locked onto him for the first time. Mad clicked again and they were back in the white room.

"Oh well, that's simple." Mark growled lowly and stood in front of Ethan protectively as Mad strolled over to them, leaning right into his personal space. "It's because I hate you." A shiver ran down Matt's spine as Mad hissed, his voice filled with boiling hot emotion that Matt found a bit uncomfortable hearing being said with his voice. He didn't even know he was capable of that tone...

Mad laughed and booped Mark on the nose, laughter as the man swung out to punch him, on,y to come into contact with thin air as Mad clicked his fingers again and appeared at the back of the room. Mad looked at his hands for a few seconds before cackling.

"God I love you Warfstache, this is amazing." Matt's eyes widened, as did Mark's. Warfstache?! Wilford Warfstache?! Matt resisted the urge to groan.

He was in over his head.

"So what are you going to do with us?" Jack asked, voicing what they had all been thinking. Matt tensed up, holding his breath as he waited for the response. Please don't be that bad...

“Oh, just a series of tests." Tests? Matt perked up a little. Mad waved his hand dismissively. "I'm going to put you through a mixture of testing your knowledge and fears." Okay could be worse? "And by you of course I mean Matpat, And Matpat alone. The rest of you will simply be test subjects that he has to save." Spoke too soon, shit-

"WHAT?!!" Jack and Ethan screamed, drowning out Mark's mumbled of, "We're screwed." Matt felt like his legs were about to give way. He hid his head in shaky hands, muffling a quiet groan. This was too much, he couldn't do this. He just wanted to go home and snuggle with Stephanie and never leave the house ever again.

Mad clapped his hands together. "Whelp, enough wasting time let's-"

"Wait." Matt lifted up his head slightly and Mad paused. The Ego made a go on gesture and Matt gulped before continuing. "Nate. What...what happened to Nate?" Mad inhaled sharply, a reaction Matt had definitely not expected. There was a suffocating silence for a few seconds before,

"He's in a better place now. Level Two begin, good luck or whatever." And just as Mad clicked his finger to start the game, Matt's legs gave way underneath him and he lets out a pained sob.

I can't do this.

The library is silent aside from the mutterings of The Host and the tapping of Dr Ipliers feet as he looks through one of the Hosts old medical books. The Host himself has finally removed his hand from Nate's head and is now waiting with fingers crossed in the hopes that he has been successful. Nate's eyelids flutter against the warm blanket underneath him, strong sent of coffee gracing his senses as he is brought back to consciousness.

"The Host smiles in relief and asks if Dr Iplier could come over before then looking back at Nathan. Nathan Nfeels drained and weak and The Host reassures Him that it is only normal to experience such things after what he went through. Nathan's eyes fly open and he attempts to bolt upright only to collapse almost instantly back down on the couch. The Host realises his previous error and makes an effort to mend it, telling Nathan that he means them no harm."

Nate scrunched up his face as his sharp pounding headache slowly recedes, his vision focusing uneasily on the bloodied bandage wearing Markiplier clone in front of him that's narrating everything that's happening. What- what the fuck? What's-where is he what happened?! Nate tries once again to sit up, only to pathetically fall back down harshly. Nate grits his teeth in frustration before suddenly jolting back, eyes wide in fear as a hand reached out to him. The creepy bandage guy frown deeper and moves his hand back inside of his weird trench coat, narrating a quiet apology. Nate frowned a little himself, since when was he so jumpy?

"The Host suggests quietly that it most likely has to do with whatever is left of Natemare's fear magic, The Host is regretful when he says that he didn't manage to remove his affects completely. The Host Would also Like to suggest that maybe Nathan should stop attempting to move, on the off chance that he hurts himself." Nate reluctantly forced himself to relax. It's not like he had a choice. He bite his lip, trying to remember what had happened in the room with Natemare but it was all fogging and blurred, like someone was preventing him from seeing it.

"What-" Nate instantly started coughing harshly, to the point where it physically hurt him. Bandage guy furrowed his brows.

"The Host hesitates before informing Nate that he would be better off not trying to speak for a while. The...incident that happened with Natemare badly injured his vocal cords-" Nate's heart genuinely skipped a beat, "And The Host Thinks That Maybe Nathan shouldn't test it, lest he raises the likelyhood his voice being permanently damaged." Oh god.

"Oh, I see he's awake." Nate startled, letting out an involuntary yelp as another identical man walked over to them wearing a doctors outfit, his hands stained with almost black blood that made Nate squirm a little. But there was one main thing on his mind.

"Holy Fuck how many of there are you?" Nate croaked out hoarsely, his eyebrows raised despite the new onslaught of pain that sentence brought him. Fighting back the urge to start coughing again, Nate silently remarked just how The Host (?) managed to stare at him in disappointment without having visible eyes. The doctor frowns at him and tuts a little before,

"I'm sorry. You're dying." Nate doesn't even get time to panic about that before the Host groans.

"The Hosts asks Nathan to please ignore that, Dr Iplier says that to everyone, You're fine." The Host stands up, moving over to one of the many piles of books surrounding them and picks up a cup. "Here." Nate flinches a bit before accepting what was handed to him. The Host does something that's almost close enough to be a smile before turning to Dr Iplier.

Also by the way Dr Iplier? Like Markiplier? At least Natemare sounds kind of cool.

"The Host Would Like to impress his disbelief to that," Nate's eyes widen. Did he just- "Yes. The Host leaves Nathan to freak out a little as he turns to Dr Iplier, asking for update on Natemare's condition?" Well that caught Nate's attention. Dr Iplier shifted uncomfortably at the two people's attentions on him.

"Well, I've detected no changes but..." Dr Iplier sighs. "He's stable at least, affectingly dead though. He's minutes from fading, there's not much left of him for me to try revive Host, I'm sorry." The Host just shakes his head.

"No I-The Host will not let Darkiplier win. We will need all the help we can get and Natemare is a very powerful ally." Damn It why can't I remember barely anything that happened that would really make understanding this whole thing a lot easier!

"Well... I mean, We could always use Nate." Nate's eyes snapped over to Dr Iplier. He would of moved his head too but he didn't want to risk it. The Host was already shaking his head because Dr Iplier even started speaking.

"The Host refuses, Nathan just woke up and can barely sit up he-"

“Host we don't have much time here! From what I heard, Mad has already started his level and then after that it'll be Anti's turn, we can't afford to hesitate, Darkiplier is this close to taking away everything! Nate will be fine, I'm not suggesting draining Nate's energy, god knows if he even has any left." Nate wonders absentmindedly Dr Iplier remembers that he's still in the room or not.

"The Host understand what Dr Iplier is suggesting, but he worries about the possibility of being unable to separate them-"

“Host you know it's all we've got here-" Alright that's it.

“Uh hello? This ob-Obviously involves me so..."Nate grits his teeth and forces out the rest, tears threatening to form in his eyes and his throat basically screams at him to stop. "Why didn't you assholes tell me what's-" Nope shit, that's all I'm getting out. Nate starts coughing violently and Dr Iplier is at his side in an instant, grabbing his hand and stilling it. Nate didn't even realise he was shaking life a leaf until now.

"No talking." Nate nodded weakly, tears streaming down his face without his consent. "You want to know what we're talking about right?" Nate nods again, and he can't help but feel a little humiliated for no reason. He decides to take back whatever pride he has left and snatches his hand out of Dr Iplier's grip, although his instant regrets it as his hand starts shaking again. The doctor takes a deep breath before he starts to explain.

"Basically, Natemare is dying. By all rights he should be dead, in fact he was for a short amount of time before I anything to do with it." Nate raised his eyebrows. Well Shit. "But obviously, healing needs active participation on both parts and while I may have brought him back for now, I'm afraid that won't be enough for long. And Natemare is too drained to be able to bring himself back. He's essentially a lost cause and we might as well give up-" The Host kicks him, "Ow!! Let me finish!" Dr Iplier glares at him before continuing.

"These two are definitely close then, what with acting like an old married couple..." Nate thought, before his face turns bright red when he remembered the Host could hear him. Oops. The Host coughs awkwardly but otherwise didn’t acknowledge him.

"But, as I was saying, it is possible for Natemare to be able to heal and come back if he gains energy from his host or Uh, Creator I guess to ease confusion. But, Natemare is too far gone that simply coming into contact with you or being around you will have no affect."

"Which means?" Nate lets out a muffled protest as the Doctor covered his mouth.

"Nate." He warned, "I do have means to ensure that you stop further damaging your vocal cords, don't make me use them." Nate gulped and gave him a thumbs up, his heart racing. It takes everything in him to not lick the Doctors hand.

“The Host hates to interrupt but he would like to politely ask the Doctor to get the hell on with it." Dr Iplier scowls as Nate wheezes, only to cough again. Come on even laughing hurts?! Oh fuck me.

“To put it short, the only way for Natemare to gain enough energy is for him to...fuse with you. Possess you or however you want to put it, basically you two would have to become one, in fact doing that would actually help you be able to heal quicker as well." What like Steven Universe?

"Kind of like Steven Universe." The Host says, a ghost of a smile on his face that is quickly widened away by his normal frown. "The Host knows that it will work, it's happened before but..."

Nate makes a motion for him to go on, although he's a bit worried to hear what comes next.

"There is no way of knowing that once the two of you fuse, you'll be able to separate again afterwards."

"...Well Shit."

"NATE!"

#markiplier #jacksepticeye #crankgameplays #game theory #youtube #fanfiction #madpat #the host #dr iplier #natemare #natewantstobattle #revenge is best served together #RIBST Part 16 #darkiplier

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