#unrequited feelings until you both say otherwise

[to-thelakes]

nothing but a pass time (lip gallagher x reader)

content warning(s); underage smoking, mentions of underage drinking, sad!lip, comfort, hints of angst (unrequited love)

summary; the summer had come around but you and lip were always the same. except it was harder to ignore your brewing feelings now.

series masterlist

i have edited and read this part over so many times that i feel like i'm not actually making it better anymore, so here it is! more of my babies, the next few parts are gonna get a little angst-heavy from both lip and reader's side but then i think it's gonna settle a bit and hopefully get a little better, i have the next three parts all partly/fully written and they're sad but also sweet (comfort is real and lip NEEDS iT, this poor man), so anyway, here's the new part hehe

“My dad would kill you if he found us,” You said as you rounded the corner with Lip. He had texted you, asking you to come and meet him. You didn’t mind. You’d been dying to see him after a too-long shift at the store. You had been there all day, sweating and dealing with shitty customers, and that one text was enough for you to be filled with a familiar sense of glee. 

You didn’t need a reason to see Lip, you never had but something about him asking to see you made you giddy. That text was enough to have you halfway out the door in minutes, changed, showered and beaming.

Though, that had always been the case.

The cigarette between your lips was new though. You had never been one for smoking but Lip had somehow gotten you into it. You only smoked with him though.

“They still think we’re dating?” Lip asked as you stopped by one of the pillars that held the El tracks up. The train only came every twenty minutes or so this late at night. So it was peaceful, quiet and you could smoke without being disturbed.

You were the one to plop yourself down first, feet aching from being on them all day. Working nearly a 10 hour shift was not for the weak and you were wondering why you’d bothered to do it to yourself.

“I dunno,” You shrugged as you took a drag of the cigarette Lip had handed to you. He sat down beside you, head resting back against the concrete. You let the smoke fill your lungs before you breathed it out into the night air. It was cooler than it had been all day, you didn’t feel like the air was suffocating you, just the cigarette, “Hard to tell with them at the moment,” You shrugged, the hint of something more beneath those words but neither of you dug into it. Lip simply nodded and you offered the cigarette back. He took it from between your two fingers and took a long drag.

He looked sad. You assumed that’s why he had even bothered you this late. He knew you’d been working all day and he had always used it as an excuse to keep to himself. But tonight, he seemed to want to see you. You were never going to deny him.

You hadn’t ever denied him anything.

You watched as he blew the smoke out through his nose and you leaned closer, resting your head on his shoulder. He briefly tensed up before relaxing. 

He had gotten so jumpy recently. 

You tried to ignore it.

“What’s up?” You asked after a moment of silence. He offered the cigarette to you but you waved him off. You could feel the nicotine buzzing through your system, not used to the high after nearly a week of not seeing Lip.

“Karen’s got this guy,” Lip said after a moment of silent contemplation, “Jody. Some fuckin’ asshole twice her age,” He explained, waving his free hand out. He then put the cigarette between his lips, breathing in the smoke and speaking as he exhaled, “Hasn’t even fucked her. She says it’s some Sex Addicts Anonymous shit. I don’t get it,” Lip said as he choked slightly on the smoke. You should have known this is where the conversation would go so you simply reached your hand out for the cig.

Lip passed it over without question.

Part of him hated himself for corrupting you. You had never touched a drop of alcohol until he convinced you otherwise. And you had resisted smoking cigarettes until one night a few months back at a party with him. 

You had been pretty drunk at that party and he had casually offered his cigarette to you. He hadn’t thought much of it, expecting you to shake your head and tell him to ‘fuck off’ as you always did. Instead, you had taken it from his fingers, taken a drag and coughed on the smoke. 

But that didn’t stop you from taking another drag.

Now every time he watched the smoke curl out from between your lips, he felt bad. Like he had doomed you to some horrible fate.

“And she said that they’re together and just sit under the stars and talk and shit. I mean, who does that?” He asked. You tried to bite back the reply that that’s exactly what the two of you did but you kept your mouth shut, “We’re teenagers. We’re meant to be fucking each other and doing stupid shit. Not- not watching cartoons and fucking cooking together. It’s- it’s just bullshit,” Lip was frustrated. You could tell and you couldn’t blame him. Not really.

Part of you just felt sorry for him. You knew that he had fallen for Karen but she never really shared those feelings. At least, not that you could tell. She liked him and she liked to fuck him but you were never sure if it was more.

Another part of you was happy she was fucking with Lip’s head. Maybe it made you spiteful but you wanted him to understand how it felt to have someone always keep you at arm’s length.

You tried not to think about that though. 

You were his friend. 

You were there to help him, not celebrate his pain.

“Are you still fucking her?” You asked after a moment. You weren’t entirely sure how to make Lip feel better. You weren’t well-versed in this shit.

He nodded.

“Yeah but it’s this guy. He’s a fucking asshole,” Lip bit back, cigarette hanging from his lips. You rolled your eyes and took the cigarette from between his lips to take a puff yourself. You stayed quiet for a minute, not sure what to say.

“At least you still get to fuck her,” You responded, trying to see the bright side. You wanted to make him feel better, “Clearly if they aren’t even fucking, it doesn’t mean that much. So, give it a few months and she’ll be past him.” The words felt heavy on your tongue, trying to ignore the truth in what you were saying.

Lip had never fucked you and you had always been nothing but a pass-time for him. A friend to cry to and seek comfort from but nothing more. You knew that you didn’t mean that much to Lip. Not as much as Karen anyway.

“Yeah, maybe,” Lip said as he glanced down to watch you blow the smoke from between your lips. You tapped the edge of the cigarette on your thigh, ashes flying through the air just as an El train passed overhead.

It was deafening but the noise gave you some solace. You hadn’t noticed Lip looking at you and so you let yourself feel the heaviness. It was just for a moment and then you put your guard back up.

But for a moment, you let yourself frown. Let yourself feel sad. Feel lonely. Feel fucking stupid.

Then you were back to normal.

Once the train had passed, you spoke again.

“The way I see it, he’s either gonna break up with her or they’re gonna fuck. Either way, she’ll come back to you,” You decided after a moment. You weren’t sure if it was true. You had no experience with relationships. You’d only ever kissed people drunk at parties so you were talking out your ass.

But Lip just hummed along and took the cigarette from between your fingers. He took another drag and then smushed the butt of it against the grass, putting it out.

“Everything okay with you?” Lip asked after a beat of silence. Your head lifted from his shoulder, eyebrows furrowed. You couldn’t remember the last time he’d asked if you were okay. Usually, you told him anyway but he never asked.

“Yeah, why?” You responded, eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He shrugged, meeting your gaze. Your eyes were boring into him and he felt guilty seeing the confusion. The way your eyebrows furrowed at his question as if you weren’t his best friend. As if he didn’t care about you.

“Y’just seem tired, that’s all,” He responded, shrugging. He was trying not to be defensive but it was hard not to be.

“Had a long day, it’s fine,” You retorted as you reached into the top pocket of his shirt. You didn’t ask before you grabbed the pack of cigarettes. Instead, you just plucked a stick out and grabbed his lighter. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked. You looked up at him, a teasing smile on your lips.

“Bumming a smoke,” You stated before you placed the cigarette between your lips. You used your hand to shelter the end of the cig before flicking the lighter on. The bright flame illuminated your face, eyes shining in the light. It was there for a split second before you had successfully lit the cigarette.

“You been smokin’ with someone else?” He asked. You scoffed, dropping the cigarette pack and lighter back into his pocket before you took a drag.

“Fuck off, as if,” You dead-panned as you exhaled. You then took another drag, leaving the cigarette hanging off your lips as you blew the smoke out of your nose. It was Lip’s turn to take the cigarette from your lips now. He made eye contact with you as he took it, placing it between his own.

Fuck. You hated when he did shit like that.

The way he looked at you like he really gave a shit.

You tried not to think about it.

“Good,” He said before he took his own drag. You two sat in silence like that for a while, sharing the cigarette. You knew it was bad for you. You had told yourself you’d never be a smoker but the summer was long and being around Lip was painful. The nicotine made it easier to deal with.

So you just smoked until Lip - once again - put it out in the dirt. He then just stared, another El train passing overhead. You were both quiet for a moment before you sighed. You needed to go home.

“Got work tomorrow,” You muttered after a beat. It was you saying you needed to leave without really saying it at all. But you did, you needed to get out of here.

“Stay at mine tonight?” He asked. You shook your head.

“Gotta leave early, starting at 6. Would just wake you up. You’re grumpy that early,” You stated as you looked up at him. He frowned. You didn’t know what else to say to him and so you just looked at each other for a moment.

“Want you to stay over,” He mumbled, looking away. You ran your hands across your face, wondering if you were really gonna let this happen. But you already knew the answer the second he had asked the question.

“Let me grab my shit,” You gave in. Lip couldn’t help the smirk that spread across his face. It felt like a victory, a small victory. 

[dynamimight]

content: bffs to lovers, this is the Best Friend Sero fic i've been talking about, calling sero "honey" as a bestie and a lover supremacy~

sero hanta is your best friend.

you've known each other forever, and yet not for long at all. a lifetime of friendship has cultivated into pure beauty over the years of your being together, and being with him is pure bliss.

anyone could tell how much love you two have for each other from nothing but a glance.

he's always there; holding your hand, calling you dear, curling up against you in whatever weather. his laugh is the most joyful sound: it pours out of his mouth, flows through your ears, seeps slowly into your heart. he's sweet like honey, so you only deem it right to call him so.

sero hanta is your honey.

the love you have for him is all encompassing. you remember the time when you thought that was a problem, that being in love with your best friend could never be allowed, that your pure and beautiful friendship would crumble like a rotten statue if you were to ever let the boy know how you grew to feel about him. the turmoil you felt almost overcame the love, and you would have forgotten how well your best friend knows you if he hadn't randomly shown up at your door. with your favorite snacks and a stuffed animal in hand, he basically begged you to let him back in because "two weeks is 13 days too long to have not seen your face, dear." and when you looked up at him, your heart settled. he had the tendency to do that; to calm you down. you remember the moment you hugged him at your doorstep. when his arms wrapped tightly around your waist and he pulled you closer, he let out a sigh, almost as if he was holding his breath awaiting your return.

sero hanta is in love with his best friend.

he realized it the same time that you did, although neither of you were aware of each other's feelings. that's why he showed up on your doorstep that day. even though his nerves were going crazy, he had to see you because you're his best friend. because he's in love with you and he can't bear it when you're away.

sero hanta confesses on a half-date.

it's one of many that you two go on: a long walk along the pier, hand in hand, pointing out different shells you see along the way. right after he "won back your heart" (as he likes to say) he jokingly got on one knee and asked you on a bestie date. one arcade and a food truck later and here you were, lazing about as the salty breeze blew by.

when he grabs your other hand to stop walking and gets down on one knee, you expect another silly proposal. what you get is much better.

sero hanta: your best friend, your honey, the love of your life, reaches for a something in his pocket with one hand before returning it to yours. it seems like a simple necklace upon first glance, but you realize it's a heart-shaped locket once you see it in the right light. he looks at you with so much emotion that you're stunned into silence. water collects in his eyes more every second at the thought of this confession being the end of you. but hanta gathers the courage to confess, and on one knee at your favorite spot, he tells you just how much you mean to him. your best friend since forever tells you that he wants more than forever with you.

and when you tell him that you want that too, that your forever could only be with him, the air turns sweet.

honey finds it's way back into your heart.

[your3fundamentaltruths]

"Penelope Isn't Owed Colin's Feelings"

Some parts of this fandom have a tendency to elide and otherwise get twisted the following regarding 2x08: (1) why many of those who are unhappy with Colin are unhappy with Colin and (2) why many of those who sympathize with Penelope sympathize with Penelope. And that's only more apparent in the reactions to the season 3 scene released on Valentine's Day.

It's not about thinking Penelope is owed Colin's feelings.

People are unhappy with Colin because of how he expressed that he wasn’t interested in Penelope – both because friends shouldn’t talk about their friends that way in general and because she’s in a more socially precarious position than he is and his seeming to think her less-than only makes her prospects worse. Even if Penelope didn't have feelings for him, it still would have been viewed unfavorably.

Some like to say the latter point about damaging Penelope's prospects isn’t a big deal because Penelope didn’t have prospects before 2x08 so she’s not losing anything when it’s actually a bigger deal for that very reason. Speaking like that about a Daphne/an Edwina/another popular, sought-after girl would be seen as sour grapes or otherwise not reflect badly on the girl, but saying something like that about a wallflower who has no dowry is just pushing her further down and increasing the likelihood that she’ll never have any prospects, particularly when Colin’s just been seen leading her out of a ballroom after being regularly spotted in her company. What’s wrong with her that, despite all that, the notion of courting her is not just unappealing but laughable? the rest of the ton will wonder. And Colin will recognize why this wasn’t great because he’s a fundamentally decent and sensitive person and will likely also recognize that Pen’s confidence is ground to dust at the beginning of the season. Neither of these things will sit right with him. Hence, the “confidence lessons.”  

Yes, Colin’s not perfect and he's allowed to make mistakes. He's only human. But this mistake hits Pen (and the audience) harder because he's otherwise been good and kind. And because we know, even if she doesn't in that moment, that he will feel very badly about it because he's a good guy and will hate to have hurt her.

Penelope falls in love with Colin (even if not in the fully-fledged, "see all of you" way that they both will this season) because of the kind of friend he is to her, i.e., his kindness. The fact that she develops these feelings in the course of their friendship and that these feelings sometimes influence the ways she acts doesn't make her some kind of awful predator lying in wait who feels entitled to having her feelings returned as I've seen implied by some. This makes her someone in love with her friend, which is a necessary part of a friends-to-lovers story. Hope ≠ entitlement.

And people sympathize with Pen not because they think she can do no wrong or because they believe she is owed Colin’s feelings but because, even knowing that no one is owed anyone else’s feelings, they see her grappling with unrequited feelings in particularly painful ways. In season 1, they watched her have a front-row seat to the person she loves romancing someone else, mostly in her own home, up to an engagement and near-elopement. At the beginning of season 2, they watched her and Colin talk past each other in the "you do not count" scene in a way that hurt her, even if they know that was not Colin's intent, after the pair of them spent the off-season writing heartfelt letters. They watched her hopes build up all throughout the rest of season 2 until the very moment she overheard him (more on that shortly), even if, again, it would never have been Colin's intent to confuse her or lead her on. Colin and Pen are simply not on the same page.

So people have all this context coming into 2x08. But most of all, they understand how badly it would hurt to hear anyone you care about, let alone someone for whom you have feelings (and doubly so a dear friend for whom you have feelings) say something like that in that tone and laugh, let alone in your own home on the same night you've just lost your best friend. 

Relatedly, let’s talk more about why the Featherington ball was a night of such high highs and low lows for Penelope. Up until that point in the season, Colin had shown her such care, including just a little while before and, while for him it is exclusively in the spirt of friendship, it's very much unintended mixed signals, i.e., more talking past one another. The ways Colin expresses his friendly affection for Pen are at odds with what was widely considered appropriate behavior in their time between a man and a woman who are neither related nor romantically involved. In fact, by the standards of Regency England, Colin is taking very significant liberties that are inappropriate between opposite-sex friends of marriageable age who have no intention of becoming more than friends (and even between those who are romantically interested in one another but still unmarried). For example, Portia would have been considered justified in demanding that they marry just after finding them alone together behind a closed door in 2x08 doing nothing else otherwise untoward – and likely would have, had she not been so shaken up by Colin figuring out the gemstone scheme. And, yes, Pen is not pushing back, is meeting him where he is, because she likes it and because she also values their friendship and wants it to mean more – but, in the context of their time, it’s even more understandable that she’d read more into it than someone now. And even someone now might read into some of the things Colin says and does and get confused and then hurt upon learning they're wrong and that their friend only has friendly feelings toward them, particularly in the way Penelope is forced to learn that she's wrong. 

Does that mean Penelope's reaction in the new clip is the kindest or fairest? No. But she’s human and she’s hurting. She's a lonely nineteen-year-old girl really struggling to find her place in the world who heard her dear friend express his lack of interest in her in a really disdainful-sounding way inconsistent with both his immediate and long-term private treatment of her. That’s really jarring and she not unreasonably concluded that this happened because he finds her embarrassing. If you were her, might there not be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering whether this is even the first time he’s spoken about her that way when he thought she couldn’t hear him? Still, I expect she’ll also feel badly that she spoke to him the way she did, especially in the face of an earnest apology from Colin about what he said, or she wouldn’t accept the offer of the confidence lessons and it would take longer for them to get to where they are in the “remarkable shade of blue” scene in the second episode. Let's give her space to come to that place. Let's show her a smidge of grace instead of assuming the worst of her and anyone who sympathizes with her.

Lastly, some of the same people who are mad about what Pen said and how she said it in the Valentine's Day clip (1) complain about the way the fandom is too hard on Colin for not saying things exactly right and (2) spent months preemptively raking Pen over the coals for "ghosting" Colin, for holding "never dream of courting Penelope Featherington" over his head for ages, for publishing it in Whistledown to punish him rather than talk to him directly, etc. So let’s give her a little credit for ultimately saying it outright to him, even though it must have been mortifying to do so when she believes she embarrasses him. Did it feel nice to Colin not to receive any replies to his letters? Of course not. It wouldn't feel good for any of us. (Side note: I hate that his family seems to have mostly left him on read, too! Don't get me started on that.) But would you want to reply to someone whom you believe you embarrass and who you believe has been two-faced toward you (i.e., being kind and friendly in private and laughing at you in public)? But to her credit, when confronted, Penelope does say why she's upset.

And no, Penelope does not owe it to Colin to further mortify herself by explaining that her feelings for him made his words last season that much more hurtful. (I’ve seen people criticize her for that, too.) Not sharing every single thought and feeling that crosses her mind does not make her Bad – neither a bad friend nor a bad person. Again, have some empathy and be honest: is there any scenario in which you would you be eager to tell someone you had feelings for them after hearing them laugh at the thought of you being a serious prospect for them? If Penelope does at some point admit her own feelings (and the longevity of said feelings) before she hears a declaration of love from Colin as she does in the books, then she is brave as hell and hats off to her, but not doing so at this stage would not be some dereliction of any friendly duty to Colin, especially not if she forgives him for his words as we know she does.

Actually lastly: not forgetting something entirely doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven someone for it or are trying to punish them for it. It would not only not be Bad but also entirely understandable if Penelope had doubts when first confronted with a proposal from Colin later in the season, especially if it immediately follows the carriage scene. It would not be unreasonable for her to think this arises from a sense of gentlemanly obligation or lust or both, especially when she's familiar with his tendency to want to play the hero and when she has every reason to believe that his engagement to Marina came on the heels of a seduction. Grappling with understandable insecurities, including a fear that she might be inadvertently entrapping him, too, would ≠ Penelope trying to punish Colin for 2x08 or for not having feelings for her from the start if the show goes down that route.

[delwrites]

Hey 😚 i saw you were open to request so here i am haha but totally fine if you wanna skip it tho

Ive been really into friends to secret lover trope lately

Could you write a james x reader were childhood friend and around their sixth year in hogwarts they realized their feeling and they started to secretly dating and no one knows!

The story could focus on how they got caught? Maybe a slip up during an argument? Or that reader looks so beautiful james just couldn’t help it? Or just plain old getting caught making out in the broom closet? 😅

Hey angel, thanks so much for the request! <3

Having been friends with James since your meeting him in your guys’ first year, you pride yourself on knowing all of his little habits, able to read him like a book. So when you were curled up on the sofa, himself sprawled out across the armchair beside you huffing and puffing away, it was more than obvious to you that something was up.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” you ask, turning your body as best you can to fully face him, brows creasing as you do so. He only hums inquisitively at this, refusing to look at you as he appears to find his own hands much more interesting, fidgeting away.

“Seriously, Jamie, what’s up?” At your further questioning, he lets out one big sigh as he swings his legs over from where they had been previously stretched out over the handles of the armchair, now sat how the design permitted. 

“Sirius said something to me today, got me thinking…” Realising that that was all he was willing to give you right now, you spin back around with your own huff, hugging one of the common room cushions to your chest. You know James was never too good with words, so a lot of the time you’d appreciate his choosing to stay quiet instead of stumbling over thoughts he could never fully get across.

“Hey, love?” you hum in response, eyes trained on the fire dancing before you. James’ presence always comforted you, and that paired with the warmth emanating before you made your eyes droop more than you’d like to admit. 

“Would you like to go to Hogsmead with me this weekend?”

“Oh, sure” you reply, letting a dopey smile overtake your face. “We can invite Frank and Alice, I’ve been meaning to get her back for coffee-”

“No, darling, I meant just us two?” The implication made you suck in a breath, head whipping round to study any change in his features.

“You mean like.. Like a date?” 

He smiles at you, a heartwarming grin that makes your stomach flip. You’re not too sure where this sudden taking to you has come from, you’d always thought you’d stay in the friend zone forever, doomed to an unrequited love from the most oblivious man you’ve ever known. Of course, your friends had tried to convince you otherwise. Mary would nudge you gently every time she caught James staring at you, to which you’d always brush her off one way or another, making up excuses so as to not get your hopes up. 

Who would’ve guessed that all this time, he was thinking the same about you?

You had both agreed to not tell anyone about your date until you had figured stuff out between the two of you, wanting to be secure in what the other was feeling before going public with anything. It seemed the most sensible thing to do.

But when the day of the date came, you found yourself frustrated at not being able to tell anyone. No one to help pick an outfit out, no one to help you with your hair, no one to talk to. As much as you hated it, you made a promise to James.

 There was a close call where he dragged you by your wrist into a dingy alleyway after having spotted Dorcas as she left a quaint bookshop, holding you against a wall with a finger pressed to his lip in a hush motion, hand placed on your hip to keep you still and steady, lest you run out and make yourselves known. To say the whole ordeal made your heart skip a beat would’ve been an understatement, and the sneaking around was absolutely riveting. 

So you found that what was even more frustrating, was not being able to tell anyone how good the date went. He had greeted you with a bouquet of flowers, charm placed on them to never wilt as well. He had been a gentleman the whole afternoon (he normally is anyway, but even more so this time). He had held every door open for you, even pulling out your chair for you, and paid for the whole ordeal. You felt so safe with him walking next to you, a certain pride overcoming you knowing that he liked you, and you liked him, and gosh he liked you. It was overwhelming and you longed for someone to share it with. But James had your word, and the last thing you wanted to do was mess things up with him. So, you kept your mouth shut, painful as it was.

The next few weeks consisted of you sneaking around everywhere, and although it started off as exciting, you were really starting to get tired of keeping such a daunting secret from your closest friends. There was a lot of sneaking out after curfew to have midnight picnics on the astronomy tower, consisting of snacks James had nabbed from the Great Hall during dinner. A lot of sneaking off with the promise of the bathroom on your lips to professors, instead meeting up just to get these little snippets of alone time with each other, before any of your friends could catch on, let alone someone like Minnie. 

You thought finally going on dates with James Potter would be a good thing, but you came to find that you hated it. Not the dates, they were always amazing. They always made you forget how much you disliked sneaking around, almost making it all worth it. He was amazing, and kind, and funny and gosh you liked him so very much, but the lack of sleep was starting to catch up to you, making you much more irritable than normal. 

Every time you’d sit gathered in the common room with all your friends and who you wished to be your boyfriend, all you’d want is to openly hold his hand, openly admire how good he looked in that one quidditch jumper, and oh wow, to openly kiss him. 

To be fair, he hadn’t even secretly kissed you yet. 

So when you heard Sirius talking to James in the Great Hall about a Hufflepuff girl cheering extra loud for him during their last quidditch match, always staring at him with heart eyes and blushing every time he looked her way, it got on your last nerve. 

“James, can I talk to you please?” you practically grit through your teeth, trying to keep your calm as best as you can. 

“Hold on a sec, you’ve been stealing him away so much lately, what, you guys fucking or something?” Sirius proclaimed, wiggling his eyebrows at the both of you infuriatingly. To say the least, the comment had struck a soft spot, and you wanted now more than ever for James to lift this silly rule, to be confident enough in your relationship to just admit his feelings for you, right there, in front of everybody.

It was too much to hope, as all he did was turn around and join in on the jesting, not even considering how it might make you feel.

“Gosh no, you know we’re just friends, Pads cmon, don’t be like that.” The words cut through you, hurting more than he realised. You didn’t even know what to do, but you weren’t making the decisions, your body was making them for you. You spun on your feet, tears welling up in your eyes, embarrassment overflowing through your veins like blood. You started to walk away, leaving behind you a stunned Sirius and a very regretful James.

In that moment, all conflicting feelings left him, overtaken by wanting (read: needing) to comfort you, any means necessary. He couldn’t stand to see you upset, especially by his own hand. 

When you heard him calling after you, getting up to catch up to you, you could only speed up, trying to get away from him as fast as possible.

“Honey, please, I didn’t mean it, you know I didn’t mean it-” 

It’s no surprise that he catches up to you, jogging in front of you to somewhat block your path, pleading with you to hear him out. When your stubbornness dismissed him, there was only one more thing that he could think to do that would get his point across. After all, actions do speak louder than words. 

He grabs ahold of your face with both hands, opening his mouth to say something, anything, before cutting himself off by planting his lips firmly to yours. 

James Potter really was never very good with words. So it’s a good thing that you could always understand him, words or not.

thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed! i'm always open to constructive criticism and helpful feedback :) a like, comment or reblog goes so far💕

[fortheloveofwonderland]

No Distance Left to Run | Part 1 | S.R

Next Part

Chapter Summary - Truth or Dare? A harmless teenage game gone wrong when spoken by the man holding you hostage. And when you’re feeling for your best friend come to light after fifteen years, how will you and Spencer cope in the aftermath?

Pairing - Spencer Reid / BAU Fem! Readers

Category - friends to lovers | mutual pining | angst with happy ending | smut minors DNI

Warnings - spoilers for 14.15 Truth or Dare and mentions of 13.17 The Capilanos, canon compliant hostage situation, guns, brief mention of Maeve, drinking, arguing, very brief mention of past drug addiction and prison arc, hints at domestic violence, burns.

WC - 8.7k

Part 1 - Truth or Dare?

The world stood still. For what could have only equated to five seconds, the world stood still. 

Five seconds somehow felt like an entire lifetime, where all outside stimuli faded from vision, sounds disappearing before they could hit eardrums. The way his wrists and knee and the rest of his body had ached and throbbed just moments ago slipped away. 

The world stood still. All he could see was you and all he could hear were the words you’d spoken five seconds before that had caused the earth to suddenly stop turning on its axis with the weight of them. 

For five seconds, which felt like five hours, he saw the last fifteen years flash before his eyes. Every subtle glance, every tiny smile; every accidental touch. Every word ever shared between the two of you that he’d catalogued in his brain came spiralling forth, flooding his senses to the point he wasn’t sure he could breathe.

For five seconds it was simply you and him and those words you’d spoken at the worst possible time. But you’d said it. And he heard it. He just had no idea what he was supposed to do with it now. 

There was once a time when hearing those words spoken from your lips to his ears was all he had ever wanted. He’d imagined you saying them to him more times than was healthy, so often in fact there were instances in which he actually managed to convince himself you had said them. 

But you never had. Not until now. 

And now he had no idea how he was supposed to begin processing those words, especially in the situation in which you had finally spoken the one thing he’d always wanted to hear you say. 

He wanted to respond, he wanted to tell you he felt the same, he’d always felt the same. For fifteen long years he’d carried his unrequited feelings for you like a led weight upon his shoulders. They’d dragged him down a little more each day, at this point he found he was almost entirely buried under the burden of his feelings.

And then you’d gone and said that and he didn’t know how he was supposed to respond. 

The words were spinning and turning, ruminating in his brain and he forgot for those five seconds where you were and what was going on around you. He stopped trying to cut through the tape binding his wrists, stopped thinking about getting to his ankle hostler.

He stopped thinking about the crazed unsub standing just three feet away brandishing a gun at the both of you, his sick and twisted game of Truth or Dare coming to an abrupt end with the uttering of those. 

“Spence, uh...I have always loved you. I was too scared to say it before... and now things are just really too complicated to say it now. I'm sorry, but you should know.” 

It froze his blood in his veins, causing his heart to physically skip a beat. It caused it to fall completely out of a normal rhythm and erratically thump against his chest as though trying to break free and crawl across the floor to you. 

The tears in your eyes as you spoke those words told him it was true no matter how much easier it would be for him to pretend otherwise. 

Your statement caused the air to grow thicker and he felt like he was going to choke on it. The words had left your lips, wrapping around his throat and gripping him firmly with their talons. 

For five long, lingering seconds Spencer Reid was lost in his memories, looking at you across the bullpen on his twenty-fourth birthday, whispering to Gideon, “do you know she’s the only person in the world who calls me ‘Spence’?” 

He was on the jet, Gideon giving him movie tickets to see the new Harry Potter movie while Spencer tried to hide his frown of confusion from his mentor.

“You know who’s a huge Harry Potter fan?”

“Who?”

“The only person in the world who calls you ‘Spence’.”

He’d wanted to tell you that night as the two of you stood on the sidewalk outside the theatre before you’d even seen the movie that he was in love with you. He almost had told you, almost let the words just come tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

But he’d been stopped short by the sounds of heels on the concrete getting closer and then her voice cut him off before he’d even gotten out a single word.

“Sorry, sorry I’m late, I know.” Penelope Garcia tottered towards the two of you, pushing her bangs back off her face.

“It’s ok, it doesn’t start for another ten minutes.” You smiled as you embraced her. 

Spencer looked dumbly between you and Garcia, mouth slightly agape and eyebrows so high they almost hit his hairline.

“Happy birthday, boy wonder.” Garcia grinned at him.

“Uh…” He swallowed thickly. “Thanks?”

“Shall we?” You motioned towards the front door of the movie theatre and Garcia nodded, taking the lead.

You hung back a little, looking at the confusion that was still spreading across the young genius's face.

“You don’t mind, do you? Penelope loves Harry Potter almost as much as I do.” 

“Of course I don’t mind. Why would I mind?” He shook it off but was quickly pushing past you inside. 

It had been at that exact moment you’d realised that night was supposed to be a date. The look on Spencer’s face when he’d seen Penelope haunted you for years. You’d missed the signs, signs that seemed so glaringly obvious when you’d looked back on them.

But you were green then, still new at profiling and you had completely missed his overt cues. But by then it was too late to do anything about it. 

The night had been filled with a heavy tension for which Garcia had been oblivious to. And no matter how many times you tried to talk to Spencer about it afterwards, you could never quite get the words out. 

Until now. 

There had been far too many blockers in the way over the years for you to ever be able to tell him how you felt. You’d thought by this point you never would utter those words to him, after all this time it was easier to just keep them to yourself.

But then Pinkner had made you confess your biggest secret, a secret you’d never told anyone. Telling your best friend of fifteen years you’d always loved him certainly fit the bill.

You could still sense the gun pointing at you, still feel Pinkner’s wild eyes on the side of your face as you stared at your rightfully confused and hurt friend. Spencer’s lip almost immediately started to quiver the smallest amount, barely conceivable to the naked eye. His brow furrowed in a painful kind of uncertainty. 

You couldn’t tell whether he believed you or not and maybe it was for the best if he didn’t. As long as Pinkner was convinced by it, you might make it out of here alive. But if you did survive this, what would that mean for you and Spencer? Had you effectively destroyed all those years of friendship with one stupid admittance?

In that small five second window of time after your confession, you were taken back over ten years, transported to that night in Rossi’s kitchen.

You heard the footsteps approaching from behind as you leant against the granite countertop and somehow you already knew it would be him. Maybe after four years of working together, of spending so much time together, you knew his footsteps as well as your own.

You slowly turned to face him, your melancholy smile mirrored on his own lips. You saw his shoulders rise and fall with a heavy breath. 

“I should have told you first.” You rolled your lip between your teeth. “Before the rest of the team, I should have told you first. I owed you that much.” 

“Y/N,” he sighed your name. “You don’t owe me anything.” 

“I owed you more than this.” You folded your arms over your chest as he got closer. 

The chatter from the team in the yard filtered in through the open window but neither of you really heard it and if you did you didn’t register it. 

“I’m happy for you.” He shrugged, stepping a little closer to you. 

“Are you?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? You’re my best friend.” He cautiously reached for you, his large hands wrapping around your left wrist and untucking your arm from your body. 

He held you loosely, bringing your hand into view, or more specially what was adorned on your hand. 

“Spencer?” You swallowed as tears threatened to flood your vision. 

He glanced up from the diamond on your finger to meet your gaze. 

“Yes Y/N?” He let go of your wrist and slid his hands into the pockets of his slacks. 

“Tell me I’m making a mistake.” The words just fell out, crashing around Spencer like a tidal wave. 

You saw his jaw tighten, his back got a little straighter but his expression barely changed. 

“Do you think you’re making a mistake?” 

“You tell me.” You swallowed again. “Am I marrying the wrong man, Spence?” 

He felt then much like he did now. Blindsided. Frozen in fear of what your words could mean for him. Completely and utterly lost. 

Before he’d had a chance to respond to you, Emily had appeared from the yard in search of more wine and your conversation went unfinished. 

His answer would have been a simple one, yet one he never would have said out loud. Yes. Yes you were marrying the wrong man. Of course you were marrying the wrong man. 

But while you were distracted by Emily and her hunt for alcohol, he’d slipped away and the conversation never had a chance to end. 

You’d seen Emily’s interruption as divine intervention. Her showing up when she did was like a sign from the universe that you and Spencer’s time had long since passed you by. 

But realistically it was always eventually going to come to the surface. Over the years it had been buried deep, thrown to the bottom of the ocean with a cinder block tied around it. 

Slowly but surely it had risen, a few feet a year perhaps. And finally it had surfaced, all those long lost feelings emerging from the depths while a mad man held you both at gunpoint. 

Five seconds. Five simple seconds and all those years of memories begged to be seen, to be felt. But soon those quiet seconds were over and you were both brought back to reality by the hideous sound of maniacal laughter. 

“Goddamn…that’s what I’m talking about.” Pinkener chuckled wildly, revealing in the looks on both of your faces. “Those are some last words right there. But not good enough to save your life.” 

You both turned back to him as he was levelling the barrel of the gun between your eyes. 

Spencer had less than a second to make his move, to carry out his plan to perfection otherwise the last words he would ever hear from your lips were that you’d always loved him. 

He tore through the remains of his binds in a fraction of that second and in another he was able to unsheath his hidden firearm in his ankle holster, raise the weapon and shoot Pinkner dead. 

Comparatively next to the last painfully slow five seconds, this happened so fast. One minute you were staring death in the face and the next you were looking back at Spencer, duct tape hanging limply from his wrists and the smoking gun in his hands. 

As the tears finally broke free, Spencer had to keep his at bay, lock them away like he’d done so many times before. He slotted his gun away and helped you to your feet, cutting away the duct tape still binding your wrists together. 

In the moments before the BAU breached the room, you turned to him, wiping your eyes, questioning him without the use of words. Your words had done enough damage. 

He simply stared back at you, his own eyes conveying the confusion and pain your statement had caused him. 

You opened your mouth as if you might speak but anything you might have said died somewhere on your throat. 

I’m sorry. 

I shouldn’t have said that. 

Please don’t look at me that way. 

I am so, so sorry. 

He inhaled, his whole frame going rigid like he could hear the words you weren’t saying. His eyes asked you if you meant it. Your silence told him you had. 

You were torn apart by the sound of a door crashing against its hinges and suddenly Matt, Rossi and Tara descended on the room. 

You forced yourself to look away from the broken hearted, doe eyed man you’d called your best friend for almost a decade and a half. 

You snapped back into action, turning your back on Spencer while you informed the others what had happened. You could feel Spencer’s eyes on the back of your head.

He couldn’t bring himself to snap back around the way you had and he watched you attend to one of the shooting victims as though you hadn’t just blown his whole world up.

Maybe you hadn’t meant it. If you’d meant it you would still be stuck in a state of complete paralysis like he was. 

Somehow you both found yourself back outside on the street, the cool night air attempting to cleanse you both of the previous activities. As you stood by the ambulance with Rossi, arms wrapped protectively around your body, you couldn’t keep the tears from your eyes. 

Glancing back at the building you’d been held hostage in, you could feel the piece of your heart that you’d left behind in there. 

***

2005 

You seemed to float into the bullpen, your feet never touching the ground as you were some kind of angel with no wings. Spencer couldn’t help the way he stared at you, not so subtly as you entered at Gideon’s side. 

Both Gideon and Hotch had mentioned hiring a new agent to round out the team, but in Spencer’s wildest dreams he couldn’t have predicted the way that new agent would cause his heart to feel as though it had flatlined.

“Yo, pretty boy?” Morgan’s teasing tone snapped Spencer’s eyes away from where they followed you through the room.

He hadn’t registered that you and Gideon stopped in front of them, looking between him, Morgan and JJ while Spencer did very little to cover up the way he was staring at you like you were an apparition plucked straight from his dreams.

“Huh?” Spencer looked to his left where Morgan watched him curiously, a smirk tugging at his lips. 

“Let’s not make the new girl feel uncomfortable on her very first day.” Morgan laughed and Spencer heard JJ snicker from somewhere behind him. 

He was acutely aware Morgan was speaking more than loud enough for both Gideon and yourself to hear. 

A harsh blush suddenly leapt to his cheeks, turning him a bright shade of red. He shrunk in his chair, half wishing the item of furniture might swallow him completely. 

“I wasn’t…I wasn’t…” he mumbled, unable to form a full sentence given all the amused gazes which now lay upon him. 

“Don’t mind him,” JJ spoke up, her tone light and playful. “He doesn’t get out much.” 

Spencer somehow sunk deeper into his chair, wondering if perhaps he could just crawl under his desk and hide there instead. 

Just as he was considering it, an angelic laugh met his ears and he was frozen in place. His eyes moved back to you of their own volition and he drank in the way your lips were parted, eyes half closed as you let out that magnificent sound. 

It was the easiest, sweetest laugh he’d ever heard, a sound that he felt reaching towards him, wrapping him in its warm embrace. It reminded him of Christmas morning when his mother was lucid. It evoked memories of cosy fall evenings, sprinkled donuts, dimly lit library’s surrounded by stacks of old books. His favourite things in the whole world, that’s what your laugh conjured. 

“Everyone this is our new agent Y/N Y/L/N, please can you all make her feel welcome. Not too welcome though, ok, Reid?” Gideon shot him a somewhat nettled look, which once again sent Spencer spiralling into a pit of his own awkwardness. 

“Got it,” he finally spoke, his voice multiple octaves higher than usual. 

Morgan scoffed a laugh, clearly noticing how the young genius sounded like he was going through puberty all over again. 

Gideon nodded before taking his leave, heading up the stairs towards his office whilst leaving you with the three other agents. 

You played with your hands in discomfort, not quite knowing what to do with yourself. You’d been thrown in at the deep end, plucked straight out of the academy by Jason Gideon himself and now you’d been thrown to the lions. 

JJ pushed herself up from where she’d been leaning on an empty desk and she approached you slowly, as if you were a frightened deer who might retreat back into the woods if she startled you. 

Maybe you would. 

“It’s nice to meet you, and welcome to the team. I’m Jennifer but you can call me JJ, everyone does. I’m the Communications Liaison here.” She held out a hand for you to shake, an amicable smile on her face that reached all the way to her bright blue eyes. 

“It’s nice to meet you too.” You shook her hand. 

“And these are SSA’s Derek Morgan and Doctor Spencer Reid.” She pointed over her shoulder at the two men. 

SSA Derek Morgan smiled at you, a confident kind of smile with his broad arms folded across an even bigger chest. 

“Welcome to the team, Y/L/N.” He nodded in your direction. 

“Thanks.” You replied before glancing back at Doctor Spencer Reid. 

The poor kid was sinking so low in his chair you could barely see his face over his desk. His cheeks were still flushed bright red and he raised one arm, offering you an awkward wave. 

“Hi,” he squeaked, making no attempt to sit back up. 

He was around your age despite the fact his oversized sweater vest begged to contradict that. His reputation preceded him, you’d heard all the stories of the genius being the youngest ever recruit to the BAU, even having exceptions made due to his lack of physical prowess. 

You had no idea he’d be so damn cute. 

You’d soon come to learn you had a surprising amount in common with him. And once the teasing from Morgan died down about his blatant crush on you, Spencer was able to start talking to you without his voice breaking every time he opened his mouth. 

But he had a distinct suspicion that his feelings for you wouldn’t just go away overnight. He’d known from the first time he looked at you that you were different from any other childish crush he’d had before. 

However he never would have dreamed that fifteen years later he’d still be as hung up on you as the day he met you.

***

Present Day

Rossi patted your shoulder and offered you a slightly sorrowful smile, as if apologising for what you’d been through when you both knew it wasn’t his fault. 

When he walked away, your eyes found Spencer. He was several feet away near the curb, his eyes cast down at his hand that was being wrapped in gauze by a paramedic. It felt like it was killing him to keep his eyes off of you and somehow you knew he sensed your eyes on him. 

He had his other hand in his pocket, his body leaning up against a cop car. His jaw was set from the moment your eyes landed on him like your gaze made him uncomfortable. 

You looked away from him, physically having to tear your eyes away, a split second before his own eyes flicked up in your direction. 

He’d been right the first time he’d laid eyes on you, he’d been right in thinking you were different from any other childish crush he’d had before. Because fifteen years down the line and he was still implausibly in love with you. 

But you weren’t supposed to feel the same. Not that he hadn’t pictured you confessing your feelings for him hundreds of times before but he’d never believed it to be a real possibility. 

Over the years he’d tried to move past his feelings, hoping that if he ignored them for long enough they would simply cease to exist. Or at the very least he could stop focusing on it all the time.

He’d finally gotten to a point in his life where he’d accepted the fact the two of you were never going to be together, stopped clinging so tightly to the idea of his happy ending with you. 

And now you’d gone and said those words and he didn’t know how he was supposed to begin reconciling that. 

From twenty three years old to here at thirty nine, Spencer’s whole world had revolved around you. He had no doubts you were the reason he’d never managed to settle down, maybe somewhere in his mind he’d always been secretly waiting on a life with you. 

Even with Maeve, sweet, wonderful Maeve, he knew it wasn’t the same. Even if she hadn’t met her end in the tragic way that she had he was sure it never would have worked between them because she wasn’t you. He loved Maeve, but he loved you more. 

He’d stood on the sidelines and watched as you met someone, settled down and started a life with him, not giving Spencer a second thought. If it was true that you’d always loved him, how could you have had that with someone else? 

And if it wasn’t true, how could you be so cruel? 

“You ok, Reid?” 

Spencer snapped out his daze, casting his eyes away from where they’d been watching the back of your retreating head as you walked towards one of the SUV’s with Emily and Tara.

He was still leaning up against the cop car, holding his right hand out as if the paramedic were still bandaging him. It was only now he realised the paramedic was long gone. 

He turned his hand over, inspecting the binding which was protecting the six butterfly stitches the paramedic applied to the cut on his palm. It probably hurt, somewhere in the back of his mind there was a pain receptor blinking rapidly in alert but he barely noticed it.

“Yeah,” he nodded, finally looking at Luke. “Weird day.” 

“Two guns, huh?” Luke nudged his shoulder. 

“You called it.” Spencer shrugged stiffly. 

“How long have you been wearing an ankle holster?”

“Around the time I got out of prison.”

“Right,” Luke nodded a little sadly. “Well, you saved Y/N’s life, so I’d say it was a pretty good thing you were packing a second weapon.” 

At the mention of your name Spencer’s eyes snapped back in the direction you’d been walking, expecting you to be inside the SUV already but you weren’t. You hovered by the open door of the vehicle, Tara and Emily now nowhere in sight. 

You were observing him, your previous tears still clouding your eyes and despite the distance between the two of you he could see them. 

You knew when you confessed your secret it was the worst possible thing you could have said but it was the only real thing you had to say. 

You could tell by his downturned expression, his usually vivid eyes so empty as he stared at you, that you’d hurt him beyond belief. 

What you’d said had been selfish, you knew that. Your time had come and gone. You’d had countless opportunities to tell Spencer how you felt before now, before things got this complicated. 

Perhaps it would hurt him less if you lied to him and told him you didn’t mean it. 

From inside the SUV Tara called your name and you broke eye contact with him and made yourself slide into the back seat. 

Spencer continued to stare at the spot you’d just been occupying. Just out of reach, you’d always been just out of reach. In turn he pushed himself away from the cop car and followed Luke toward the other SUV where the older man offered him the front seat. 

Spencer climbed inside, careful not to do anything with his bandaged right hand and fumbled with getting his seatbelt on while Matt put the car in drive. 

In the back of the other SUV you were preoccupied with your own hands. More specifically, the thin silver wedding band on your left hand. 

***

2010 

You brought your glass of champagne up to your lips and sipped it delicately, careful not to smudge your recently applied lipstick. Behind you, Garcia was fussing around with your hair, clipping here, brushing there, and making small little appreciative noises as she did so. 

On the couch beneath the window, Emily and JJ lounged back with their own glasses of bubbly. 

“Have I ever mentioned how much I love weddings?” Emily mused with a slightly tipsy smile on her features.

“No Em, you love the excuse to drink champagne.” Garcia tittered, pinning another section of your hair. 

“Which is served mostly at weddings. Ergo, I love weddings.” Emily grinned. 

“Can someone cut her off?” You giggled into your own glass. “I could really do without drunk bridesmaids.” 

“Good idea,” JJ agreed, snatching the glass out of Emily’s hand making the raven haired woman whine.

“Hey!” Emily made a grab for the glass but JJ held it out of reach. 

“You can drink as much as you like after the ceremony. You want to get down that aisle without tripping and making a scene.” JJ rolled her eyes, practically fighting Emily off. 

“I don’t make scenes.” Emily grumbled with a childish huff. 

“Because we don’t let you drink enough to make them.” You laughed and so did JJ and Penelope. 

There was a soft and tentative knock at the door just then and you turned over your shoulder towards the sound.

“Who is it?” Penelope spoke for you. 

“Man of honour reporting for duty.” His voice carried through the door.

“Enter at your own peril. We’re drunk and frisky.” Emily called with a loud cackle.

The door cautiously inched open and his head popped around the side of it, one eyebrow raised in concern. 

“We’ve cut her off, don’t worry.” JJ sighed, nodding her head at Emily. “I swear it's safe to come in.” 

The door opened further to allow him to enter. He limped inside, clutching his cane in one hand and leaning most of his weight on his good leg. You made eye contact with him and watched the way he swallowed a large lump in his throat. 

For a few seconds, the girls melted away and it was simply you and Spencer. His long hair had been tamed as much as he could, tucked behind his ears to keep it out of his face. He wore a black suit and crisp white button down paired with a black bowtie. He had a red rose boutonniere peeking out of his breast pocket. 

“Can we, uh…can we have the room?” Your voice cracked as you spoke but no one but you seemed to notice. 

“We should go and get dressed anyway.” Penelope agreed, nodding her head for JJ and Emily to stand. 

The other two women got to their feet and passed across the room. Before she left, Penelope gave your hand a soft squeeze in some kind of knowing way. 

Spencer hobbled aside for the three women to leave and approached you slowly. His smile was a little forlorn, not reaching his eyes which held a wealth of regret.

“You look absolutely incredible.” His voice was quiet and breathy, barely above a whisper. 

“I don’t even have my dress on yet, Spence.” You laughed a little, feeling like you could cry from the way he was looking at you if you didn’t.

Your hair and make-up was done but you only wore a pair of sweatpants and an old tank top. But Spencer was looking at you like you hung the moon, just like he always did. 

“Yet here we are,” he offered you the smallest glimpse of a smile and a soft, somewhat wistful sigh. “You’re still the most beautiful woman in the world.” 

Your eyes widened, tears desperately trying to spill out but you managed to sniff them back before they ruined your make-up. You felt your heart constrict in your chest. His words were so genuine, so sincere and for a second you forgot it wasn’t him you were marrying. 

“Spence…” you croaked, looking at him somewhat sadly.

“What? I’m not allowed to think you look beautiful on your wedding day?” He forced a laugh but it sounded nothing like it normally did. 

“Spencer I-” 

“I got you something.” He cut you off, his hand not clutching his cane diving into his inside pocket. 

Your eyebrows furrowed when he pulled out a rectangular, black velvet jewellery box. 

“What is this?” You chewed on the inside of your cheek, not taking the box from him.

“Open it and see.” He rolled his eyes, proffering it closer to you. 

You felt your hands start to tremble as you took it from his hand and hesitantly opened it. Nestled inside on a little silk cushion was a simple silver bracelet. You gently plucked it out of the box taking in the delicately small, golden snitch charm connecting the two ends of the band. 

In the middle of the bracelet were intricately etched words you recognised instantly from a conversation between Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape in The Deathly Hallows. 

“‘After all this time?’ ‘Always.'”

Your tears couldn’t be contained anymore as you looked back at him. Your heart was trying to escape your body, trying to reach for him, to hold him. You wanted to throw your arms around him and never let him go, the way you should have done so many years ago.

You didn’t need to ask him why, you already knew. When he’d found out how much loved Harry Potter he’d read all of the books in quick succession, over the years he’d accompanied you to see all the movies too. 

The Deathly Hallows had been released three years prior and he’d brought you a limited edition print of the book for your birthday. 

When you flicked through it, you’d found a post-it note on one of the pages with a little window cut out of it. Through the cut out was the same quote as was inscribed on the bracelet. 

Of course Spencer would never deface a book by highlighting it but he’d gone through great lengths for you to know this particular passage meant something to him. 

You’d asked him about it, while out for drinks with the team to celebrate your birthday, you’d asked him what it meant. 

“You know,” he simply replied. 

“Do I?” You frowned at him. 

“Fairly certain.” 

You didn’t have much time to ponder on what the sentiment behind it was as that night you’d ended up meeting Jared, your future husband. 

“I still don’t know that I understand what that means.” Your voice cracked and pitched. 

Spencer shook his head with a dry laugh, taking the bracelet from you. He leant his cane against his thigh so he could hook the band around your wrist and secure it for you. 

“If you don’t know by now, I guess it's too late.” He shrugged, his fingers lingering on your skin a moment longer than they needed to. 

“Why are you being so cryptic?” You cocked a brow at him.

“Usually when one receives a gift, the polite thing to do is say thank you.” He gripped his cane again, leaning his weight back on his non injured leg. 

Your eyes, still producing a few tears, flicked from your bracelet to him and back again in quick succession. 

“Th-thank you.” You sniffed. 

“You’re welcome. You should get dressed, it’s almost time.” 

“Spencer?” You spoke again before he even had a chance to turn around.

“Yes Y/N?” 

“You never did answer my question.”

“What question was that?” He narrowed his eyes on you. 

“The night I got engaged, I asked you if I was marrying the right man, am I?” 

A sharp breath left from between his parted lips and he wished more than anything else in the world he had the courage to tell you the truth. Secondly, he wished for any excuse to get out of answering you at all. 

He took a deep breath, and chose his words very carefully as he spoke. 

“The only answer I can give you is engraved on your bracelet.” He shrugged again.

“I don’t know what that means, Spencer!” You threw your arms up in the air in exasperation.

“The thing is,” he swallowed thickly. “You do know what it means. You know exactly what it means. I don't need to spell it out for you Y/N, because you already know. My saying it out loud isn’t going to change anything, it's only going to make me feel foolish. You need to get dressed and I need to go and start showing people to their seats. I’ll see you out there ok?” 

He didn’t give you a chance to respond before he was turning on his heels, shakily with the use of his cane, and hobbling back towards the door. 

When he opened it, an extremely suspicious JJ, Emily and Penelope stood on the other side now donning their matching sage green bridesmaids dresses and trying but failing to cover up the fact they had been attempting to eavesdrop. 

“Subtle,” Spencer rolled his eyes as he manoeuvred between them. 

“Not as subtle as you.” Emily rolled her eyes. 

When he turned back to her she had her arms folded across her chest in mild frustration. 

JJ and Penelope were nowhere to be seen and the door to the bridal suite was now closed, indicating they had gone inside. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Don’t ruin this for her.” Emily shook her head, ignoring his question. “You’ve had five years to tell her how you feel and you blew it. She’s happy, don’t ruin this for her.” 

Spencer sucked in a breath but before he could get his words out Emily was fleeing back into the room he’d just vacated. 

He was specifically trying not to ruin this for you. If he’d wanted to ruin your wedding day he would have told you exactly what he meant by it, even though he was sure you already knew. 

After all this time? Always.

I love you. After all this time? Always.

***

Present Day

Back at Quantico Spencer focused on writing his after action report despite the fact Emily had told him it could wait. He needed something to focus on that wasn’t you and what you’d said when you’d thought you were seconds away from death. 

Usually he wrote his case reports by hand, hating to prolong any computer use but the cut on his right hand meant he couldn’t hold a pen without causing it grief. 

Typing was slower, he hadn't mastered a keyboard from lack of use, so he jabbed at keys, painfully slowly but at least it kept him distracted. 

His whole body ached from the weight of the day. It was as though your words were pressing down on him, heavy and cumbersome trying to drag him down a rabbit hole from which he may never return. 

He had to stay focused. He had to concentrate on the report even if he did plan on leaving out your grandiose confession. 

It didn’t help matters, wouldn’t aid the directors to know exactly what had transpired between those walls. No one ever needed to know of the words you’d spoken to appease Pinkner. 

Because that’s all it had been. You’d needed to say something to get his attention and it had worked. You needed something startling enough that it would buy you some time.

You didn’t mean it. You couldn’t have meant it. You’d created a distraction so the two of you could get out of there alive. 

You’d helped save his life and shatter his heart all at once. 

If he was being perfectly honest with himself it would almost be worse if you had meant it. Because if you really had loved him all along how could you have committed yourself to another man? 

It wasn’t as though Spencer wasn’t available to you back then, he was nothing but available. He didn’t date because he was holding out hope of one day telling you how he felt. Sure there was that one kiss in the pool with Lila Archer and you’d barely spoken to him for weeks after, he never did understand that. 

Were you jealous? And if you were, why didn’t you just say something? 

Apart from that one incident, Spencer never even so much as looked at another woman for several years. He was there for you whenever you needed him and in whatever capacity you needed him to be. 

After a tough case he’d welcome you into his home, he’d answer calls in the middle of the night and pick you up from bars when you had too much to drink. 

He brought you your favourite coffee nearly every morning for years. He’d gone out of his way, extremely out of his way, to find you that copy of The Deathly Hallows for your birthday. 

He’d been so sure that night as you’d unwrapped it and looked at him with tears brimming in your sparkling eyes, that was the night he would win your heart. 

“Spence, hold up a sec,” you grabbed him by the wrist as he was heading towards the bathroom. 

“What’s up? Are you having a good birthday?” 

“The best.” You nodded, clutching your book to your chest in the crowded bar. “How did you find this?” 

“I have my ways.” He shrugged. “You like it?”

“Are you kidding me? I love it.” You smiled so sweetly at him he felt like his heart might explode. 

“Then it was worth it. I’d do anything to see you smile.” 

You exhaled through your nose, rolling your lip between your teeth. You edged closer to him and he caught the scent of your perfume. You opened the book to the page you’d found the post-it note stuck to with a small frown.

“What does this mean?” You asked curiously.

“You know,” he simply replied. 

“Do I?” You frowned at him. 

“Fairly certain.” He nodded. “Can I use the bathroom now?” 

“Yeah…” he nodded but your brows furrowed a little. 

“You sure? You look like you have something on your mind?” 

“I just want to thank you.”

“You have.” He chuckled but the seriousness of your expression curbed him. “Seriously, what’s up?” 

“I just…” you shook your head, suddenly moving even closer to him before you placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “Thank you.” 

Spencer was so gobsmacked by what had happened, even if it had just been a gentle peck it had rendered him breathless. 

He stared at you in hazy confusion, half wondering if he’d imagined the whole thing. 

You smiled somewhat bashfully at him, taking a few steps backwards. 

“You can go now.” You shrugged. 

“Go? Go where?” He frowned, feeling as though his brain had been replaced by a bowl of jelly. 

“The bathroom?” 

“Oh.” He nodded. “Yeah, of course. I’ll be right back.” 

He walked past you in daze, almost convinced that couldn’t have happened. But if that were true, why were his lips tingling?

Spencer looked away from the computer screen and rubbed his eyes with his palms roughly, trying to dispel any old memories which were hell bent on distracting him. 

He’d spent a long time in the bathroom that night, staring at his reflection and the tiny smudge of your lipstick left behind on his lips. 

He practised to an audience of one in the mirror what he was going to say to you, how exactly he would word the fact he’d been in love with you for two years. 

But he’d taken too long and by the time he’d rejoined the team you were across the room making out with the man who would soon be introduced to him and the other BAU members as Jared Haines. 

The man you would later marry. 

Once he was done violently rubbing his eyes he pushed his chair back from his desk. Slowly he got to his feet and glanced around. It was only then he realised he was alone. 

The bullpen was a ghost town and he was the sheriff. 

He had no recollection of anyone leaving, of saying goodbye or even looking up from the computer. Yet, he was the only one here. 

It had been such a long day. 

He shut down the computer and grabbed up his satchel before slinging it over his shoulder. He needed to at least try and get some rest even though he was sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

Tomorrow the team had been granted the day off for Rossi and Krystall’s wedding. But at that moment Spencer wasn’t even sure if he could bring himself to attend. 

As he forced his tired and aching limbs towards the elevators he checked his phone and saw a text message waiting to be read, time stamped several hours ago. 

He felt his chest constrict as he read it over in his head. He contemplated replying but he honestly didn’t have the energy. 

He slumped into the waiting elevator, reading it over once more before he put his phone away. With everything that had happened in the last few hours, she’d been the furthest thing from his mind. 

The guilt swam through his veins as he imagined what all of this could mean for her. And her simple message on his phone played on his tired mind all night. 

📱Max Brenner: Can’t wait for tomorrow, missed you xx

***

2018

“Hey, uh…is everything ok with you?” 

The light pooling through the crack in the blinds, casting its rays on the wooden table top had garnered your unwavering attention for the last five minutes. You were twirling your wedding band around your finger in absent-mindedness. 

“Hmm?” You tore your eyes away from the table and looked up at Spencer who was standing over you.

You’d found yourself in the small town of Guymon, Oklahoma, investigating a series of home invasion burglaries and murders with an interesting signature of the victims having their mouths cut at the corners. 

To make matters stranger their surviving victim, a seven year old boy, was convinced he saw a clown kill his dad. 

It was certainly a strange one. After nearly thirteen years with the BAU you’d thought you’d seen it all. But once again you were proven wrong. 

You glanced over Spencer’s shoulder at the board with all the details of the murder victims and a preliminary geographical profile Spencer had been working on. Your eyes lingered on the childish drawing of the clown which their surviving victim had sketched for them.

Spencer followed your gaze to the picture before looking back at you with a slightly wry smile. 

“You know there’s a word, even though it’s not recognised by any dictionary or psychology manual, for the excessive fears of clowns: coulrophobia.” 

You looked back at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“I am not scared of clowns.” You tutted. 

“Something’s bothering you, you’ve been unusually quiet. I think something has been bothering you for a while.” He slid into the seat next to you.

The two of you were alone at the station while the rest of the team were following other leads. You and Spencer hadn’t really spent any time alone for a while, probably not since before his arrest in Mexico. You didn’t speak, so he continued.

“I noticed it when you came to see me in prison. Well that’s to say, I registered it but I didn’t realise I noticed it until much later on. You’ve been tense for a while now. I thought maybe it was because of my arrest or all the changes in the team, but I think it's more than that now.” He leant on the table closer to you, his eyes narrowed in scrutiny.

“Are you profiling me?” You spat a little harsher than you’d meant to. 

“I don’t know that it’s strictly classed as profiling when I know you so well.” 

“You don’t know me as well as you think you do. And clearly I don’t know you at all because I still even now can’t believe you managed to go to Mexico and get arrested without me having a clue what was going on.” You shoved your chair back, causing it to scrape across the wooden floor. 

“That’s what this is about?” Spencer stood up again moments after you did. “You’re still angry at me?” 

“I was never angry at you.” You shook your head. “We’re in the middle of a case, now is not the time.” 

“Make time.” He spat. “If I recall correctly I’m the one who spent three months in prison, not you. You don’t get to be angry because you couldn’t profile me and figure out what was going on.” 

“You think this is about my profiling skills?” You scoffed. 

“Isn’t it?” He stepped closer to you, a heavy frown on his features. 

“I’m not doing this now, Spencer.” You shook your head. 

“Just answer me! Why are you so angry at me? You’ve been hostile towards me since I was released and I don’t get it. We’re best friends, you should be able to talk to me.” 

“We’re not though, are we?” You shrugged limply. “Maybe once we were but we’re just not that close anymore, Spencer.”

“And who’s fault is that?” He bit back. “I always try to make plans but you always cancel on me.” 

“I have a life, Spencer! One that doesn’t revolve around you.” You rolled your eyes. 

“Yet when we go out for drinks as a team or if JJ or Emily or literally anyone who isn’t me asks you out, you never cancel. What have I done to upset you so much?” 

“Oh my gosh, not everything is about you, Spencer!” You hissed. “Maybe if you actually attempted to meet someone instead of following me around like a goddamn puppy all the time you’d understand. I have a family, Spencer. Jeez, stop being so codependent!”

You saw the way his whole body took the brunt of your harsh words. He stumbled a little on his feet, gasping for the breath you had caused to leave his lungs. His previously anger filled eyes turned sad, and he dragged his lip between his teeth.

“Wow.” He shook his head despondently. “Don’t hold back Y/N, say what you really mean.” 

“That, uh…that came out slightly crueller than I meant it to.” You retreated, trying to give Spencer your best apologetic look. 

“You think I don’t want what you have? You think I’m deliberately single? Surprisingly there isn’t a queue of women out the door wanting to date a neurotic, socially awkward, ex drug addict who spent three months in prison for suspicion of murder!” He raised his voice, you were glad the door was closed. 

Through the window of the office you noticed a few looks being sent your way by Guymon police officers who didn’t need to be profilers to read yours and Spencer’s body language. 

“Spencer, now really isn’t the time. We’re being watched.” 

“I don’t care!” He growled. “You started this. Clearly you have some grievances to air so let’s just get all out in the open, shall we?” 

“I’m done with this conversation.” You rolled your eyes, heading past him towards the door. “I’d ask if you want a coffee but I think you’ve had enough caffeine.” 

You reached for the door handle but Spencer caught your wrist in his hand, tugging you back to face him somewhat roughly. 

“Ouch.” You grumbled, pulling your arm free of him. 

“That didn’t hurt.” He rolled his eyes. 

And then he noticed the way your whole body had deflated. The way your eyes seemed to mist over as you rubbed your wrist through your shirt. He didn’t miss the brief hint of fear that washed across your face. 

“Please don’t do that again.” You swallowed, eyes cast towards the floor, your voice trembling. 

He’d seen it before, hundreds if not thousands of times in this line of work. Anyone else, anyone who wasn’t an FBI agent might have missed it. But he didn’t. 

“Y/N?” He whispered, taking a half step towards you. “What did you do to your arm?”

“N-nothing.” You shook your head, still looking at the floor. 

When Spencer gently wrapped his hand around your wrist again, he saw you flinch. But you let him roll the sleeve of your blouse up just enough to reveal the large angry, red mark on your forearm and wrist. 

“Is that…a burn?” He swallowed, the air leaving his lungs. 

Your skin was blanched and blistering. It looked incredibly painful and it was certainly fresh, it couldn’t have been caused more than a day or so ago. 

“I…it was dumb. I spilled hot oil while I was cooking. You know how clumsy I am.” 

That statement in itself caused confusion. He had never known you to be clumsy. 

“Y/N?” He spoke so softly it finally forced you to meet his gaze. “Did Jared do this to you?” 

“What? How can you even ask me that?” You were quick to shake your head, pulling your arm free of his hold and rolling back down your sleeve.

“That wasn’t an answer.” Spencer frowned. “You’re deflecting.” 

“I didn’t think a dumb question warranted an answer.” 

“You’re doing it again. Did he hurt you?” 

“Stop it, Spencer. Just stop it, ok?” You growled at him. “Stop it.” 

“Y/N if he hurt you I can…” he trailed off when the door opened and Emily and Luke strolled in with coffees and slightly dejected smiles on their faces. 

“Well that was a waste of time.” Luke grumbled, looking between you and Spencer and sensing the thick tension. “Uh…what’s going on?”

“You need to go to the hospital.” Spencer ignored them, focusing only on you. 

“I’m fine.” You shot him a warning look, telling him to drop it. 

“You could get an infection. You need to have that looked at.”

“Have what looked at?” Emily frowned at the two of you.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” You smiled at your boss. 

“She is not fine.” Spencer hissed. “She’s got a burn on her arm, she needs to have it checked out before she develops an infection or gangrene or loses her arm.” 

“Jeez, you are over dramatic.” You rolled your eyes. “I’m fine, seriously.” 

“Can I see?” Emily asked you softly, her eyes full of concern for you. 

You huffed out a breath and rolled up your sleeve.

“It’s not that bad.” You shrugged. 

“Yikes,” Luke grimaced. “I’m no doctor but I think Reid might be right, you need a hospital.” 

“Goddamnit.” You groaned. “Fine.” 

“Reid, can you take her?” Emily asked him but you were shaking your head.

“No, I don’t want to go with him. Luke?” 

“Sure thing.” Luke shrugged, knowing now wasn’t the time to get into why you didn’t want your so-called best friend taking you to the hospital. 

Luke motioned you towards the door and you followed him somewhat hesitantly. As you stepped out of the office you heard Emily’s confused voice asking Spencer, “what the hell is going on with you two recently?” 

@andiebeaword @muffin-cup @dirtytissuebox @dreatine @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards @justreadingficsdontmindme @spencer-reid-wonderland @thebloomingeagle

[heretherebedork]

So Yoh falls in love at first sight with Segasaki, gets mocked by his friends for being a loner and sent on errands and then rescued from that by Segasaki but also how their communication has always been Segasaki pushing Yoh until he gets an answer and Yoh hesitating to communicate anything because he's always been mocked and teased and has no confidence in himself.

No wonder Yoh doesn't trust or believe in anything that's happening with them. He still sees Segasaki as someone so far out of his reach and range that he cannot handle it at all.

Yoh's insecurities are never ending and his fear of losing Segaski breaks my heart but we can also see how little Yoh trusts his actions.

Yoh literally cannot come up with any words that describe Segaski's feelings. None. He sits and he stares and he cannot come up with anything because to him Segaski feels nothing and so he has to label or words for what he might be feeling.

And Segaski communicates his feelings in so many actions and in so many choices but never directly and so Yoh can always find a way to deny that those feelings are real, again and again, that Segaski could not feel anything for him.

Because it's safer to imagine he feels nothing, it's safer to protect himself from pain and unrequited love by pretending that this is all one-sided, by holding onto his constant discomfort and denial because it simply cannot be true otherwise.

And this is a different insecurity. This is what Yoh and Segaski's struggles to communicate have become. They've turned into an argument that isn't an argument and hurt feelings and broken hearts on both sides. On two people both speaking at a crossroads and unable to ask for clarification or to speak clearly because they're both afraid of what they might hear.

Yoh doesn't dare ask Segaski for details about who he's talking about because he cannot actually imagine that he would be jealous of his friend's husband teasing him (Yoh was smiling so big and wide with him, so silly and having so much fun, no wonder Segaski was jealous) but Segasaki might ask for an explanation but would also take those at face value after all the struggles they've had.

Because Segasaki says 'I won't accept it' and Yoh thinks it's about him drawing yaoi manga while Segasaki is talking about him being playful with his friend and so when Yoh explains the appeal of the fictional version of Segasaki.... well, you get pain.

This time, you get to watch Segasaki's heart break as he listens to Yoh because he has been trying so hard to do that for him, to be better than the person who made Yoh drink and cry. But Yoh just told him (he thinks) that he isn't doing that. That he has not shown him any more sincerity or kindness, that his efforts to take better care of Yoh have amounted to nothing.

While Yoh just means that he's making the fictional Segaski softer.

Yoh cannot imagine Segasaki being jealous over him. He cannot believe that might happen and so it never occurs to him that Segasaki might think he was cheating or with someone else. He simply cannot believe or imagine that the perfect, handsome, beautiful and (in his opinion) haughty Segasaki would truly be upset over something he did.

Ugh. My heart. These boys are so in love it's painful but they're just struggling so much to put anything into words, to speak to each other without the other person finding a way to misinterpret what they're saying.

And then we get more of the past and we can see how Segasaki fell in love and how Yoh used to be braver, how they came together and how that love that is so evident between them is also so, so insecure. Yoh stepped in and pulled Segasaki away and comforted him.

Something happened between university and coming back together as adults that broke this connection that they've never recovered from and neither of them knows that they never recovered.

(Yoh is so, so deeply insecure and I don't think Segasaki understands that level of insecurity and has never faced someone so desperate to deny that he is loved.)

[allovertheplace-writing]

akihiko sanada x ftm reader perhaps? maybe some fluffy pre-relationship headcanons?

Persona 3

Character(s): Akihiko

Genre: Fluff

Type: Headcanon

Description: Pre-relationship days!

Warnings/Notes: FtM Reader(Only Referred to With You/Your), Fear of Unrequited Love(Barely Mentioned), Akihiko and Reader are in Gekkoukan High

of course! thank you for sending a request in, i hope you enjoy <33

It's rather cute, the way he pays attention to everything you do. The tiniest lift to your lips as you pass a few strangers by, amused by something they said that he didn't quite hear. The way you simply look upon the world has him so noticeably enamored, it's enough to get Mitsuru chuckling.

He doesn't realize what he's feeling at first, but once he does he's scared about doing something wrong. Relationships aren't really his forte. Especially romantic ones. But he's sure as hell going to try.

He pays attention to what you like, but sometimes gets it wrong. Junpei leads him astray here and there with his typical How to Get Partner 101(even though he means well). Aki tries getting physically closer and complimenting you, but it honestly just feels stiff and wrong to him. So he ends up just being himself, letting things happen naturally rather than forcing himself into something that doesn't work.

He gets you snacks sometimes, some from the vending machines or from the school's vendor. Occasionally, he'll invite you out to have ramen with him at Hagakure as well. Most of the time he just hangs around you more. Checking up on you and making sure you're alright, that sort of thing. But he also just enjoys spending time with you, even if you're doing separate things.

One of the things that's most obvious about Akihiko is that he always protects those around him- even more so if he's close to them. He'll walk on the side of the road whenever you two are on a sidewalk and tug you out of the way from a rushing passerby or cyclist.

If you're part of SEES you'll see it more clearly. He'll tug you away from attacks in battle or hop in front of you to counter an attack that'd otherwise knock you down. He's vigilant with making sure to step in front of you when danger arises. Or pulling you away. Though he tries not to since he does have a hard time measuring his strength.

A part of him is scared. That maybe he's reading his feelings wrong or maybe you aren't interested in guys at all. That if he says something about it he might ruin the friendship you both have and make it awkward.

So he ruminates. Thinking about how he'll say it or if he should even say it in first place. It almost feels like he's constantly teetering on the edge of just letting everything spill from his lips. That he's on the verge of telling you all of it until he can't breathe anymore.

The way he's always one moment away from telling you is enough to make him realize that his feelings are right.

He likes you.

All he has to do is say it.

[yxstxrdrxxm]

SYNOPSIS: “I love you, but why do you avoid me so?”

TW/s: unrequited love, unhappy ending, Kazuha is a respectful man fr, reverse yandere dynamics (sorta), pre heikazu matchup, shit happens and it's an overall hurt/no comfort… Surprisingly. (Takes place in Kazuha's perspective + experimenting on yan reader so very ooc.)

NOTE FROM HR: Happy Valentine’s Day. Kazuha knew from this day that it wouldn't end well, and yet he kept his promise for your sake. Still, I have one question for you. Did you think what happened to you was well deserved?

Kazuha is a strange individual.

From the beginning, he made it awfully clear that you two are companions. He never thought of your bond with him as anything serious, or even had a deeper meaning to it. To him, what truly mattered was that you were with a friend.

This was made obvious. He didn't want to make things awkward, so he straight up said that the two of you are simply friends. That was your boundary, and you didn't mind that, so you two ended on that note.

Even when you both hung out, Kazuha remained the same way. He couldn't see your relationship with him soar past romance, and he was… surprisingly enough, content with the idea.

He loathed having to do the inevitable, though. Especially when he noticed the little signs of you acting odd.

Sometimes, the musician would catch you reading his music sheets. It amused him, so when he did, he went over and offered to teach you. You've always been a fan of music, so he knew you'd enjoy whatever he had planned on composing.

However, what he didn't expect was for you to actually compose something for him. You said that it was for his sake, considering he was with you even when things aren't going so well at his job.

It was also a sign of appreciation, you told him.

But he didn't believe you.

It isn't because he disliked the gift— he adored it. He truly did. However, he simply felt as though he didn't deserve it. Maybe it was insane for him to think of that, but he hated to see you wind up hurt because of it.

The sweetest adoration can always be the most bitter hatred. That is what he learned.

But you didn't stop when he told you it was not necessary. You insisted on it, so you pushed through with your plans, making it happen even if Kazuha knew that it was a horrible idea.

Watching you make it without a single fuss or complaint, he simply stayed by your side so you don't wind up becoming ill in your ventures of composing it. He frowned every time you denied it, only to see you take it without fuss when he wasn't present.

Such a difficult thing you are. You should take better care of yourself, he wanted to say. However, he kept his mouth shut and continued on with what he's doing.

Each day, you seem to slave away with composing the music to perfection. Kazuha tried to dissuade you, but you simply shrugged him off, like you didn't want him to stop you from your actions.

It worried him. It worried him so much as your friend, as he didn't want you to die doing such a thing. After all, had you've known he was more interested in you honing your skills for yourself, would you have told him otherwise?

And yet all he can do is watch until you've finished your life's work. You were excited as you told him, and he even tried to play what you made so you two can tell how it sounds. However, much like his feelings in the relationship, it sounded sour.

It was anything unlike the things he's heard, and even he knew it was a novice’s work. Stopping his playing, he examined the notes, trying to decipher what it said. Although, at the corner of his eyes, he could see that your hopes were dashed.

So he simply abandoned the criticism he has for your work and focused on consoling you. In his eyes, you've done your best, and yet the seeds of doubt were sewn in your head.

Did he truly like it? Or did you simply think he did out of obligation?

Each day that passed, your relationship with Kazuha became less friendly and became more of a one-sided budding romance. Kazuha has already put himself out there, but you can’t seem to notice it, like you were blinded to such signs. Or maybe you aren’t, but you simply chose to ignore them for the sake of having what’s yours.

Kazuha could hardly wrap his head around it. He didn’t want you to fall for him, he didn’t want you to suffer the pain of being rejected. Even if his job entailed such horrid truths for ‘rejecting’ someone, he did not want to bring harm to you.

You were his only friend outside the company. The light he considered to be the warmest, the one that kept his mind clear.

Alas, like other light sources, yours dwindled and began to lose its spark.

He tried to stop you multiple times. He didn’t want you hurt, but all you did was simply insist on it. You forced it on him, begging for him to even take a second glimpse into it. That you’d make him happy if he gave it a chance.

That was when he knew you were too far gone.

It was the night before Valentine’s, and yet Kazuha stood by your porch. At the back of his hand was a bouquet he had, and like a cliche romance troupe, he had prepared chocolates and even a music sheet he composed himself.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

…

No response.

He knocked again.

…

Nothing.

Then, he turned the door open and walked inside.

Metallic. It’s so pungent, it’s what made him stumble. His eyes widened as he struggled to simply keep his footing. He always forgot how hard it was for him to keep his ground, he thinks.

Looking down, he was met with an awful surprise.

Bloodied sheets were laid bare all across the floor, with a few of its piles drenched in blood. The one who became the source of its ‘mess’ laid on the piano, your head simply laying on the keys for God knows how long. The blood has stopped pouring, but there were still some on your body and the keys.

He grimaced.

He could hardly care for the flowers now.

You were killed by someone else.

Quietly, he walked to your corpse, his frown evident on his face. He hardly knew what became of your fate, but the music sheet in front of him had a single phrase as its title.

‘Goodnight, Sweet Prince’.

“... You always told me you’re never this sappy.”

Taking a seat, he gently moved the body aside and let the head lean back, this time so he could play the music that you composed. There were a few parts that led to it sounding distorted, but with Kazuha’s hands, it became bearable to listen to.

Still, Kazuha remained that frown on his face.

He lost the one that gave him the light, after all. Now, he’s back walking in the dark.

@.throw-letter-away | do not republish or repost my works anywhere | 2024

[deadsetromance]

any jet star or fun ghoul content 🙏 i adore your writing

A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME

not my gif!

fun ghoul x gn!reader

summary: you didn’t know loving someone could hurt this much. but god, you love him so much, you’re dying

warnings: angst, hanahaki, body horror, illness, blood, gore, mentions and graphic depictions of death/dying, no use of y/n, not proofread

note: thank you so much anon ! that made my day <3 i combined two prompts here! i had sososo much fun figuring out a way to work hanahaki into the killjoy universe. hope you all enjoy :))

there was no room for love in the cruel world you lived in. if your heart hadn’t been hardened by the drugs bli pumped into you, or the fear alone, the desert sun would wither it for you.

partnerships–if they were formed at all–were purely beneficial. you’d seen  it countless times. shell-shocked, desert hardened duos, with nothing left to cling onto but each other. 

you were part of the unlucky bunch. by some cruel joke the phoenix witch played, you found yourself tumbling head over heels for one of the fabulously famous killjoys. you’d met fun ghoul during a supply run which had gone costa rica. he’d saved your life, taken you under his wing, and somehow managed to run laps around your heart.

you weren’t entirely sure when you’d fallen in love with him. maybe it was when he patched you up after a run-in with a drac, scolding you for not being careful, his fingers leaving trails of goosebumps on your bare skin. it could have been one of the times you sat together on the roof of the diner, where you both mapped out made up constellations. if you had to guess, it would have been the time he’d shown you how to fix up a part of the trans am, his chest pressed up against your back as he whispered instructions to you. 

you would have been perfectly content running with your adopted crew of killjoys, denying the extent of your feelings for a certain black haired renegade. 

but fate was cruel, and reserved no mercy for you.  

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

you had heard of it in rumors, whispers floating around in the sand until the origin was as lost as you were. they called them desert roses, blooming after unrequited love. no one knew where it came from. some suspected it was the work of bli. others pointed to otherworldly forces, or even some twisted form of survival of the fittest. there was only one thing about it that was certain. it was fatal. 

no one really talks about how painful it is. 

it starts with shortness of breath, deathly rattling coming from deep inside your chest as roses sprout in your lungs. it’s supposed to progress rapidly. one day you start coughing up rose petals, and within a week your throat is torn to shreds. when you die, roses sprout from your throat. whether you suffocate before or after is unknown.

 after all, no one has lived to tell.

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

you hadn’t thought much of it at first. shortness of breath and rattling wheezes go hand in hand with the coarse sand of the desert. everyone gets static-throat at least once, but it goes away after a few days. 

after the third day you began to worry. the pain working its way up your chest paired with an unfamiliar tightness was concerning. and then came the coughing. it sounded like death, shaking you violently, to the point where fun ghoul would shoot you worried looks. 

“hey, you alright?” he’d asked you after one particularly bad coughing fit, arm draped around your shoulders. 

“‘m fine.” the hacking noise you made said otherwise. you coughed into your palm, surprised when you felt something wet. blood. 

it trickled down your arm, but what scared you most was the blood spattered rose petal lying in your palm. 

“what’s that?” you were quick to hide your hand, assuring him that it was nothing. “honey…you’re coughin’ blood.” 

you couldn’t say anything more after that, the sound of the pet name leaving his lips made your chest constrict so tight you could hardly breathe. 

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

you’d never told anyone before, but you’d seen a body once. it was in one of the villages in the outskirts of zone four. it was just…lying there, the roses spouting from the poor soul’s mouth beginning to wilt under the scorching desert sun. someone was digging a grave.

that was you, in your nightmare. your decaying body replaced the one you had seen, bloody roses sprouting from your mouth. someone…fun ghoul, was digging your grave. he turned, locking eyes with you and…

you woke up screaming. your stomach flipped, and you ran out into the sand, spitting up a mix of stems and thorns. fun had followed you out, waking at the sound of your screams. you kicked sand over the blood before he could see anything. 

“sweetheart…” at the sound of his voice you turned around again, watching in horror as rosebuds fell from your mouth. “hey. hey you’re not okay.” he was worried. you could hear it in his voice, but you couldn’t look at him. 

“i told you, i’m fine.” wiping the blood from your chin, you turned to face him. “i promise. ’s just sand in my throat…promise.” you could feel the stems creeping up your throat.

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

you were dying. you knew you were. you couldn’t eat or drink because of the roses in your throat. you were withering away, and no matter how hard you tried to hide it from everyone, they still noticed. 

fun ghoul was ever so worried about you. by the time you realized his connection to the roses growing in your chest, you feared it would be too late. 

the sound of someone saying your name woke you up. “hi.”

“hi,” you whispered back. you couldn’t do much more than whisper at this point, your throat slowly being shredded by the thorns you would spit up. 

“i’m worried about you.” he pet your forehead, wiping away the sweat from your face.

“fun…” you could feel the tightness of your chest grow. you held in your cough. he couldn’t know. if he knew…

“you haven’t eaten, or drank, or…” his voice was shaking. or maybe you were just hallucinating. “you’re running a fever, and i know you’ve been coughin’ blood…just….talk to me. let me help you…please.”

he was pleading now, and it made you feel sick. you loved him, god you loved him so much, and he didn’t love you back, and now you were dying. that was it then. you would die, and he would never know how you felt. at least, not until it was too late.

you coughed so hard you saw spots. fun ghoul must have left the room at some point, but you didn’t notice.

you knew you were going to die tonight.

you didn’t know dying hurt so bad. you would feel yourself slip closer to death with each rattling gasp you took. you were dizzy and you couldn’t breathe, stuck in some sick limbo between alive and dead.

they say the phoenix witch grants you peace with happy memories before you die. maybe they were right, because in your not quite dead state, you saw it all. the bad jokes, and the nor so subtle flirting, and hell even the longing glances shared between you and fun ghoul. you saw the time he saved you all those years ago, and the time you scared him while he was working on the trans am. you saw yourself sparring with him, and the other killjoys laughing in the sunlight. you saw the time the both of you had got caught in the garage during an acid storm, all the times he had kissed you forehead, and the way you slept wrapped up in his arms.

you were going to die, but he had to know how you felt. 

your legs felt like jelly and you almost didn’t make it to the door. the walls spun and your body slammed into the doorframe of fun’s room. the handle wouldn’t twist bo matter how hard you tried, you were going to die outside his room and he would never know. 

you couldn’t even call his name, your voice gurgling behind blood and roses. vision going dark, you heaved one last time, your chest caving alongside the door.

it was dark, but you could still see him sitting up. he looked so…comforting, and you all but collapsed into him gasping as he stroked your face.

“hey, what’s goin’ on? wh-“

“i love you.” you were choking on the words as the tumbled out of your mouth, flowers blooming in the back of your throat. you couldn’t breathe but you had to tell him. “i love you and i’m going to die”

he didn’t say anything and you gasped, fighting to stay alive for just a little longer.

“please. i just…the flowers….say something…” your words died in your throat as a rose bloomed in your mouth, silencing you. it was over.

his panicked face would be the last thing you would see, and it would all be over…..except….“you love me…?” his voice was warm, and sweet, and tired, and it sounded like heaven. you couldn’t do anything but nod, choking on your last breath. “you love me…”

*** 

the sun was always warm in the desert. but it felt different today, kissing your skin as you curled up against fun ghoul, who had been whispering love letters to you all night. he had told you he loved you with everything he had, he had held you close as you both thought that you were going to die. but death never came. 

he had been oblivious to the way you felt…just as oblivious as you had been to him. it all meant something, the touches, and the jokes…it was all there. it didn’t matter much, you had each other now…and while your throat still burned from the rose that had bloomed over the week, the way he kissed you made you forget about it all…

he took you out to the roof that night, careful and slow and you coughed, watching as a great red rose fell from your lips, before it shriveled and turned into star dust, joining the rest of the sand that you called home.

“i love you…” his voice was soft, his fingers trailing over your skin and you couldn’t help but smile. 

you were tired, worn to the bone but you were alive. alive and perfectly in love.

[bnha-imagines-only]

may we have some kinda angsty headcanons for Iida, Kirishima, and Keigo overhearing their crush say that they made a promise to themself to never date heroes because of how messy it can be and there’s little to no privacy and heroes always have to choose the world, and this causes them to rethink some a some stuff?

please, and thank you ❤️‍🩹

A/N: Thank you for the request!

CW: General Light Angst, Unspoken/Unrequited Romantic Feelings, Reference to the Stain Arc.

Characters x GN!Reader: Tenya Iida, Eijirou Kirishima, and Keigo Takami

• Iida falls for you as a student, quietly nursing his crush with the knowledge that a high school romance would distract from him becoming a top-tier hero—the entire reason he’s attending this school. There’s a small part of him that thinks it’s a right person, wrong time situation and after he settles into the routine of coursework he might confess. Provided, of course, you’re available and his feelings are requited.

• Iida is, first and foremost, embarrassed to have eavesdropped on your private conversation with a friend. In his defense, your lunch table is close to the line and your friend group is pretty loud.

• One of your friends is dreamily discussing Kamui Woods when you confess that you promised yourself you’d never date a professional hero. And you make good points: the lifestyle is messy, the hours are inconsistent, both press and fans invade the family’s privacy, heroes have a greater obligation than one’s own personal life, etc.

• Of the three, Iida has an interesting perspective on this, because he’s the second son in a family that has spent generations in the hero business. If you were having this conversation with him, he might feel compelled to make this argument with you; he grew up in a happy home, well-loved, and there’s no professional reason that a job title meant a hero had to neglect their family. It’s all about balance.

• Because he’s only overheard your thoughts on the matter, Iida chooses not to intrude, pushing his feelings down. It makes him sad, even though he understands your position from a pragmatic point of view, and his mood toward his coursework dampens for a few weeks. He wonders if you have similar stances toward other jobs that pose risks, like police officers or firefighters, or toward jobs with very long hours that might keep your spouse away from home.

• Iida doesn’t want to convince you otherwise so much as he wants to understand, but he doesn’t consider himself close enough to you to ask.

• He doesn’t truly understand your position until his brother is injured.

• That’s the first time he’s ever wondered whether the hero path is really for him. He’s never seen his mother cry like that. And the anger he feels—that’s something else entirely.

• Iida never speaks to you regarding that opinion he heard, all those weeks ago—and although his heartbeat quickens when he sees you in the halls, he decides to never confess. After all, who would know what you want better than you?

• Although he occasionally wonders what might have been, he doesn’t feel it appropriate to convince you otherwise and feels responsible for upholding his brother’s mantle. He goes on with life wondering if maybe you were the one that got away.

• Kirishima is also a student when he falls for you, and he gets it when he hears you discussing the kind of spouse you’d want—or more specifically not want—with one of your friends in the hallway.

• Instead of associating your view with heroes in general, Kirishima does take it personally. Would you feel that way if he was stronger, braver, better? If his quirk was different? Maybe the “right kind” of hero would impress you.

• Unlike Iida, who pulls away out of respect for you, Kirishima gets friendlier. Just because you won’t date a hero doesn’t mean he can’t be your friend, right? And that’s good enough for him… even though he feels like he’s on fire every time your shoulder accidentally bumps him, or like he may melt whenever you shoot a smile his way.

• So, Kirishima dedicated himself to being nice, and that comes pretty naturally for him. You end up good friends.

• Kirishima comes off as incredibly genuine, and your general studies friend group becomes quite fond of the 1-A hero student that kept seeming to make time for you all. He hides his crush so well that they’re convinced he’s just that friendly, a typical himbo hero, and your friend group becomes his first set of fans. Positive energy all around, since you can respect what he does and still not want to date him.

• The only one of the three who actually would broach the subject, in his own tentative way. Long after he’d overheard that conversation, long after you’d become friends, he fields it: “Have you ever thought about… like sometimes I worry about what it will be like for my spouse. If they’ll be worried all the time, you know? If marrying a hero is too much weight on someone’s shoulders?”

• It’s not a confession per se, so presuming you haven’t changed your mind in the time you’ve known each other, he’ll field your concerns and finally get some closure. Maybe you have a specific reason to not want to date a hero, maybe the career you want to pursue is also demanding and you’d like a spouse that’s more flexible to reconcile that, etc. Either way, he feels a little better knowing it’s not a personal fault of his own.

• I don’t think he ever genuinely considers not being a hero to be with you, because it was his childhood dream. The closest he comes is when you enter a serious relationship with someone else, someone not a hero.

• Because you’re friends at this point, he’s happy for you. He really is. He just wonders sometimes if he’d decided to be something different, if he’d been a general studies student instead, that could be him holding your hand at lunch.

• His hero course friends need him too, and he does think he’s doing what he’s meant to do in being a hero. You’ll always be his favorite “what if?”

• Hawks would be the least likely to let it affect his behavior, because the Hero Commission is consistently in his business, so he completely understands. He’s actually not supposed to date—it impacts his popularity.

• Will it stop him from flirting with you at every opportunity? Absolutely not.

• Hanging around the office and cracking jokes for “group morale.” Not so he can try and make you laugh, nope, no way.

• You’re an admin working at the Hero Commission, so it does surprise him when he overhears you discussing with a coworker how you could never be with a hero. You may respect everything they do from a professional standpoint, but you need more from a partner.

• Hawks understands, and it’s not like the higher-ups would let him date you anyway, but oof is it a blow to his ego.

• You, like most of the people in the office, are used to his playful exuberance. It seems to be business as normal after he overhears you. He continues to make small talk and platonically tease you, just like before.

• When he’s alone, he does reflect on his life. If things were different, if he’d been born to a different set of parents, if he’d never been picked up by the Commission.

• But then again, were it not for his job, he may have never met you in the first place. He can’t bring himself to regret it. He thinks it’s worth it as long as he can enjoy your presence at the Commission.

• One day, it’s mentioned to him that you’ve put in notice. You’d accepted some cushy position in another field with less demanding hours than Hero Commission Admin. He took a very lengthy fly around the city to convince himself he was fine.

• When he shook your hand at your office farewell party, you thought he was only being polite when he said to keep in touch and reach out if you need anything at all. He meant it.

…

My inbox is currently open for more requests, hope you enjoyed 🥰

[cupiddivinearrow]

PAST LIFE CONNECTIONS PICK-A-CARD READING

Please join my discord server:

💔 PILE 1 💔

🕊️ Key Indicators 🕊️

- Feminine Energy

- Wears jewelry/ Necklaces

- Might have short hair

- Likes dresses

- Brown eyes

- Suspicious of love

- May be healing from a heartbreak

- Involved with someone that you have a intense connection to and had it since Day 1

- Controlling

- Nostalgic, Reminiscing

- Person may be of foreign blood

- In separation

- Confused

- Clarity

- Ego death, change in perspective

- 9th House

#️⃣ Numbers of Significance #️⃣

- 1s (111)

- 9s (999)

- 10s (1010)

☄️ Astrological Signs ☄️

- ♓️ Pisces

- ♌️ Leo

- ♍️ Virgo

- ♐️ Sagittarius

- ♎️ Libra

💫 Animal Spirit Energies 💫

- Butterfly 🦋

- Jaguar 🐆

Both of these animals represent rebirth. Just something to be mindful off.

Pile 1, the saying, “Unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded” comes to mind.

P1, I just want to give y’all a hug. A big one! I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time of it. It can be scary to love, especially when you’ve been hurt, even more so when it’s a love from the past that follows you into this lifetime…

P1, you may be in a relationship or have someone in your energy that you feel a strong connection or pull towards that could’ve been from your past life. This person could’ve caused you immense pain by betraying you with another or choosing someone over you, or etc. This pain, unfortunately, carried over into this lifetime and may be playing a role in how you react in your relationships.

P1, it’s time to let go of that pain. It’s time to open your heart once more and allow yourself to enjoy the process of falling in love and just going with the flow. I know it’s not easy to let down your defenses, but you must. Keeping this pain within can cause a blockage and/ or delays. It’s okay to have boundaries, but you must learn yourself enough to know when your Ego is trying to protect you, and when it’s doing too much.

Some of this pile is insecure and controlling. Some of you can be a bit clingy. Some of you self sabotage connections out of fear that you’ll be hurt. It’s time to stop. You’re blocking your blessings and causing a renewal in your karmic contract. Destined to repeat another cycle on Earth with the same energy that hurt you because you can’t let go.

💔 CLOSING COMMENTS 💔

It’s time to go inside and heal P1. Ask yourself why it’s hard for you to let go. Also, ask what you need or want that can help you to heal? Try doing things that helps you to see your worth. And that you’re enough. Love hurts, but it can save us from more pain if we let it. Someone’s rejection is the Universe’s/ Divine’s protection! And sometimes, an unfair decision or event occurs because there’s more to learn. What would you do for your happiness? Deal with your insecurities or toxic ways (such as being too clingy or controlling) so you don’t pull the behavior into a relationship that could’ve worked otherwise.

Be like the butterfly, who faces many challenges to change into who they want to be. But they don’t give up. They keep eating and struggling along until they change into a Chrysalis, then a Butterfly. Butterflies represent change. Allow yourself to go within.

I hope you find your peace Pile 1.

🕊️🕊️🕊️ Blessings 🕊️🕊️🕊️

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

🙀 PILE 2 🙀

🕊️ Key Indicators 🕊️

- Protection

- Royalty

- Feminine energy

- Witch, Spiritualist, Healer, Energy Worker, etc

- Clairvoyant

- Hiding your gifts

- Black sheep

- Scapegoat

- Wears scarves, hats, etc

- You stand out, Belle of the Ball

- Egyptian ties

#️⃣ Numbers of Significance #️⃣

- 7s (777)

- 8s (888)

- 13s (1313)

💫 Animal Spirit Energies 💫

- Scarab

- Butterfly

- Peacock

- Cat

☄️ Astrological Energies ☄️

- ♏️ Heavy Scorpio

- ♊️ Heavy Gemini

- ♓️ Pisces

- ♑️ Capricorn

Pile 2, the saying “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished”… or Joan of Arc — who was burned at the stake in 1431 in France for heresy after she announced that she was being guided by voices that she heard and believed was from the Divine — comes to mind…

Pile 2, have you always felt like the blacksheep within your family, friends, the community, etc.? Have you always felt like you were blamed for what others did or judged because you were different? And although you have either been treated or felt different, you still get a-lot of attention? Probably catch others looking at you often? You’ve probably have had to deal with a lot of rumors being started or gossip being had about you, or have a fear of this. Pile 2, I want to let you know that everything is all right. It’s okay. You’re okay.

I know it hurts to be judged, especially by those that you feel should’ve protected you. And you try to get through it by focusing on your faith, even though you may hold a fear of being judged for your beliefs. If people can’t accept you for you, forget them. They’re not meant to go along with you on this journey. And that’s okay. You’re not for everyone, and that’s beautiful! Who wants someone that everybody wants? Like a doorknob that everyone has access to. Embrace your uniqueness. Which is your true purpose. To be you. Unapologetically. There is beauty in being free. Free to truly be you, which is what most of society is too afraid to be.

In a past life, you were persecuted and faced a trial for being a healer or something of that nature. You were probably blamed for the crimes and misfortunes of others due to the community believing that you were a witch. This was a capital offense and most likely, caused you a very painful death. This has left you fearful in this current lifetime. A fear that causes you to hide showing others who you really are due to not wanting to be judged.

You may have the gift of clairvoyance, or may be a healer or energy worker. You were a sweet person then and still remains to be so in this current life. You may fear telling or showing people your gifts or talents, of who you really are.

Chances are, you were accused of witchcraft in a precious lifetime and you’re currently learning in this now, that it’s okay to be who you are. To show that you can do. Yes, you can be judged. However, whether you be you or live your life how others want you to, people are still going to talk. People are still going to judge. People are still going to try to make you feel that you’re doing wrong, so you might as well be you, unapologetically. You’ve come back to Earth to learn to free yourself of this fear. Times are different and healers are often admired then hunted.

🙀 CLOSING COMMENTS 🙀

It’s okay to be different. Different is beautiful. Different is authentic and real. Be real. Don’t fall for the matrix. Don’t let society block your growth and keep your from shining. And more important, don’t block yourself. You were meant to ✨SHINE✨baby! Put forth the effort to change your perspective so that you can move yourself out of this stagnant energy I see. You are being guided by the Universe. Trust in your intuition. You are destined to shine, don’t let your fear stop you.

Thank you Pile 2!

🕊️🕊️🕊️ Blessings 🕊️🕊️🕊️

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

💤 PILE 3 💤

🕊️ Key Indicators 🕊️

- Native American

- Natural Healer, Shaman, Medicine Man

- Good at astral projection

- Repeating or Have Dreams; Gift of Premonition through dreams

- Overthinks

- Healing abilities

- Protection

- Unbalance

- Confusion

- Spiritual download

- Egyptian ties

- Codependency

#️⃣ Numbers of Significance #️⃣

- 3s (333)

- 6s (666)

- 7s (777)

💫 Animal Spirit Energies 💫

- Scarab

- Heron

- Lion

- Eagle

- Orcas

☄️ Astrological Energies ☄️

- ♌️ Leo

- ♏️ Heavy Scorpio

- ♎️ Libra

- ♋️ Cancer

Pile 3, have you ever heard the saying:

“Miracles start to happen when you give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears” by Richard Wilkins?

Pile 3, How do you say you’ve been sleeping on yourself without saying you’ve been sleeping? I think some of y’all have been wanting to turn dreams into reality lately but you’re holding yourself back with doubts. Overthinking things. Bullying / Gaslighting oneself. Some of you may want to open a business that allows you to use your gifts, but are unsure if that’s the path to take.

In a previous life, you were a healer, with very strong healing abilities. You may be having dreams where you remember this life but shrug it off, gaslighting yourself into believing that you’re not ready or not good enough, etc. It’s time to stop that.

Also, some of you may be in a codependent relationship that could be leaving you stagnant as well. Your denial is causing you to stay in a karmic connection that could cause further delay. Believe in yourself P3. You don’t need anyone and have the power/ strength to stand on your own. Find that inner strength P3.

You will never know what you can do until you try. And if you’re waiting for the perfect opportunity to give it a chance, then you’ll never be ready. It’s okay to be scared. But don’t let your fear stop you from trying. Let your work speak for itself. You just have to take the first step. You’re in competition with no one but yourself, so move as slow as you would like. I love the saying, “Slow and steady wins the race.” Success will come, just stay in your lane and keep persevering.

Also, just a side note. The fact that some, if not all, of you picked this pile shows that you’re meant to have a successful business doing this. You have a passion and a calling for this. Don’t let anything stand in your way and go for it! Success is technically guaranteed. Also, the more you work on yourself, and tackle your dreams, the more you’re likely to meet up with people that are part of your soul family, people meant to help you along your journey. As you work on yourself, remember to be patient and enjoy the process.

💤 CLOSING COMMENTS 💤

P3, you’re being advised to go out and explore! It’s time to explore who you are and become confident in yourself and your abilities. You have the power P3. And only you can do it. Make the decision to only focus your energy on things that allow you to focus on yourself and who you want to be in addition to, the future you would like to create for yourself. Maybe try journaling down what’s going on in your head. It could help clear up some of the confusion and insecurities. Take the steps to improve how you see yourself and your abilities. It’s time to step it up. Trust in yourself. And it’s okay to ask questions. Question everything. Anything unaligned with you must go. Success is only possible if you’re willing to work for it. Are you up for the challenge? Don’t let your denial block you from your success. You’re moving towards bigger and better things, including those in or getting out of a karmic relationship. Love yourself enough to believe in yourself. If no one cheers for you, cheer yourself on. Be your own biggest cheerleader and watch what happens. Blessings! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

This concludes this reading loves!

Thank you so much in advance!

🕊️🕊️🕊️ Joy & Blessings to you all 🕊️🕊️🕊️

Below, my discord is attached above the title of the post.

There, I do these Pick A Card readings, as well as, give you a chance to request what kind of PAC readings you would love to see.

I will start releasing astrological weekly update readings in a few weeks, in addition to reiki healing sessions starting December.

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Blessings to you all! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

🕊️🕊️🕊️ Blessings 🕊️🕊️🕊️

[symwinter]

So… about that Miraculous rewrite, what do you have in mind?

Okay, thank you for asking, I appreciate it. I’ll try and make this as concise as possible, because there’s a lot and I tend to ramble, so I’ve made it in the form of a numbered list:

1. I don’t plan on redeeming Chloé. I feel like despite actually knowing why Chloé didn’t get redeemed, there’s a pretty decent lesson about how entitlement doesn’t mean you get what you want that they definitely also could’ve gone with of if they were a bit smarter with it.

2. No zodiac kwami. They’re the bane of my existence. Why are two of them time travel based in power?

3. Adrienette is the endgame couple.

4. As of right now I’m sitting at three seasons, each one being 16 episodes plus three specials but I might either add a season four or make season three longer. One of the specials is the alternate dimension one. I love the concept of it.

5. I also gave the show an actual timeline. Because the Christmas specials says it’s Adrien’s first Christmas without his mother, but then season one has the Valentine’s Day episode which means it’s February and then the school year in France starts in September so if we look at season one as somewhat chronological, it means the Christmas special is wrong and that drove me crazy so I just redid the whole timeline. Because it would be his second Christmas without his mom.

6. Nathalie doesn’t have an unrequited crush on Gabriel. I never quite got that.

7. Any rich kid that was a sentimonster isn’t one anymore. The peacock miraculous doesn’t create sentimonsters but rather charms enemies as its main skill.

8. Adrien has more of a backbone than he does is canon and Marinette’s crush on. Adrian is a bit more healthy.

9. Rather than using potions to unlock new skills, the kwamis can manifest them themselves. They just need to expend extra energy and there are just some situations where that’s more difficult. I just feel like the book and the potions and the rennlings from the Shanghai special make the kwamis feel less like something ancient powerful and more like a tool. And also because Frozer takes place in January/February and Syren takes place in March/April (both are season two episodes though).

10. Up until the collector, Natalie didn’t know that Gabriel was Hawkmoth and agrees to wear the butterfly miraculous in order to get Gabriel to let Adrien go back to school and not be able to pull them out for a stupid reason anymore otherwise she’ll just go to the cops and be like “my boss is the supervillain.” She does this again in Simon Says but with Adrien’s love life as a preemptive caution.

11. Adrien is in the finale battle. I don’t get why they didn’t include him in season 5.

12. Emilie Agreste is a famous actress so her disappearance (aka I haven’t quite settled on what I want to do with her) is a lot more well-known to the public.

13. I am planning on renaming both of Felix‘s parents. I just haven’t quite settled on names yet.

I think that’s all I got right now. I’ve mainly been focussing on the timeline and the episode list and any changes to episodes rather than the characters themselves which feels counterproductive, but it’s just the way that my brain works, especially since I find it really difficult to think out Marinette and Adrien as individuals. My brain kinda just weaves them together.



[imongmamabitch]

In the rain (Steve Harrington x male reader)

...notes : so uh, i totally lied about going to post regularly. (no i didn't, i just got busy with school)

...contains : angst, an ABBA reference, male!reader, unrequited love, being in the rain, tw for some words that are in caps, no use of (y/n)

You’ve always been in love with Steve, even though you knew it was never meant to be. He liked girls, he’s always liked girls and you… well, you were a guy. Not exactly what Steve’s into, and you’ve accepted that, truly you have but there are times where you think that maybe, just maybe, you had a chance. Maybe you could be with Steve.

Hope is a dangerous thing, everyone knows that.

But you couldn’t help yourself. The longing stares, the lingering touches, the looks… it had to amount to something right? Then again it could be all in your head. You were torn, your head was telling you there was no way he could reciprocate your feelings. Your heart told you otherwise. This internal struggle became louder and louder every minute you spent with Steve.

You were starting to be more withdrawn around him, more quiet. You were detaching yourself from him, how could you not? It hurt to see him go on thousands of dates with other girls, girls you wished could have been you. You went from hanging out with Steve every free time you’ve had to scarcely seeing him at all.

Only seeing each other when the group is hanging out. Steve was not stupid, he could see something’s wrong with you. So when Dustin decided to invite you to help them decode the Russian he’d intercepted, Steve waited for the right moment to confront you about the distance you’ve made between you two.

And that’s how you were in this predicament, in the rain. Robin and Dustin had gone ahead of you, leaving you alone with Steve. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked, stopping you with a hand on your wrist. You swear he’d hear your heartbeat pounding if it weren’t for the pouring rain. “Yeah- yeah, why do you ask?” you kept your eyes away from him, knowing that if you looked at him, you won’t be able to stop yourself.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“No I haven’t, like I said I got busy.”

He wasn’t buying it, “I know you’re not busy, I saw you with Nancy yesterday. You were with the kids 3 days before that and you were with Robin a week ago!” Shit. You haven’t been careful. You should have realized that Hawkins wasn’t a big town. Why didn’t you remember that? It totally slipped your mind.

You stayed silent so Steve continued, “Did I do something? If I did please, just tell me.” You still haven’t said a word, so he sighs and lets go of your wrist. He says your name, his eyes sad, “What did I do?” You shake your head, “You did nothing wrong. I- It’s-” God, why did he have to be so beautiful, even in this rain.

You made the mistake of looking into his eyes, you shouldn’t have done that. Why did you do that? Didn’t ABBA say don’t look into his angel eyes?? You idiot?!

You couldn’t help yourself, you had lost all control. Before you both knew it, your lips were on his. A minute passed, you realized what you’ve done. Pulling away, your back faced him. You were embarrassed. Regret rushing through your veins.

Why did you do that?

WHY did you do that?

WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

“Shit.” you cursed under your breath, your heart pounding for a different reason entirely now. “I’m sorry.” Your words are loud enough for him to hear before you ran.

You didn’t look back, you just ran. You ran and ran and ran, until you were sure you were far away from Steve.

© do not repost, translate, heavily reference any of my works please

[skylights422]

New X-Men '97 tomorrow! I am very excited! But I also had meant to make more posts reviewing the first three episodes. It was going to be multiple posts over different topics, but I am short on time and organizational energy, so I am just gonna make two posts over the biggest topics: The Romance Drama, and The Plot. Romance drama first! It got Long, so it's under a cut. xD (And a quick disclaimer that any negative opinions on the canon writing of couples doesn't mean I dislike people for shipping any of it; I almost never ship anything personally just as a matter of personal preference, but am very much a Ship And Let Ship/Don't Like Don't Read kind of person)

First, I will just say that the Jean/Scott/Logan drama was...always the most boring and confusing part to me in the 90s show? I just didn't feel like they did enough to show why Wolverine was SO in love with her when it seemed like they never spent any time together normally or had any major bonding moments? So I felt like he was just pining based on appearance and the fact they were teammates, which...is fine I guess but not the sweeping, dramatic unrequited love it was always portrayed as.

(I mean Wolverine was so torn up about them getting married he REFUSED TO ATTEND and instead spent time trying to kill an illusion version of Scott in the Danger Room, that's. Very dramatic! And for what? Maybe they covered it a little bit in an episode I haven't re-watched yet but I remember Past Me at least not finding the explanation impressive enough lollll)

So, I'm not...super looking forward to more of it in this new show, but also expecting it since it was always such a feature. I'd rather not have Jean kinda date Logan just because she's mad at Scott and Logan wants to? But it won't shock me. By and large I have made peace with my dislike for that particular love triangle since I'm otherwise such a fan of both series. (And so far anyways Logan has been a little less weird about his unrequited feelings even if they're still pretty obvious)

THEN we have the Rogue and Magneto romance. This one I have had more mixed feelings on. My kneejerk reaction was confusion and dislike - I didn't know until I looked it up after the episode that they were together in the comics, and since they weren't in the previous show, it felt...really random. (Also I am just not much a fan of couples with large age gaps, obviously Rogue is an adult and can do what she wants, it's just not my cup of tea. Plus Rogue and Gambit is one of maybe, like...five? Couples in media? That I have any investment in AS a romantic couple lol, but mostly I was just not looking forward to more romantic drama in general since it's just not something I tend to enjoy much)

Now I have two opinions. One is simply that I am Over feeling bothered by it and just curious to see what they do with it, since Rogue and Magneto do have some compelling thematic reasons to have scenes together anyways. And Rogue and Gambit definitely COULD have a mature conversation about it, which would actually be pretty neat.

Now my main quibble is that it was introduced so suddenly, and with so little explanation. As a general rule, I do NOT consider 'it happened in the source material' to be a valid excuse for anything in an adaptation unless it also makes sense within the established lore/characterization/etc. of the adaptation itself. A Doylist explanation existing does not remove the need for a solid Watsonian one, and if there just...isn't a Watsonian explanation, then I feel it is lazy writing at best, actually terrible writing if done badly enough.

There's definitely still time for them to give some kind of flashback or explanation for Rogue and Magneto though! You can introduce new aspects to character's pasts, in general. So I am holding out my final opinion to see if they do that, and in what way.

On a smaller, technically still hypothetical note, next for romance drama we have: Morph crushing on Wolverine. I do agree that it's extremely possible, even likely, that Morph seeming Interested in Wolverine in this version is deliberate - I mainly say hypothetical because I have seen some VERY overtly queercoded stories/scenes/etc. be written genuinely by accident, and at this point I'm really not sure how it was intended (like, if it's meant to be anything bigger than the scene itself or not).

And once again, I have mixed feelings on it. On one hand, having an openly gay character in an X-Men cartoon is good! It's nice to see some diversity in orientation. And Morph makes sense since they are the closest to a blank slate as you can get with a pre-established character, only being in nine episodes total of the original series - very spread out ones, as well.

But well, there's two reasons I feel kind of egh about it. One is that nearly all the Established Duos that got a lot of attention in the original show were romantic ones, and as someone who is fundamentally more invested emotionally in non-romances, I really liked the thought of having a best friend duo to fixate on. (We do still have Magneto and Xavier but XAVIER IS DEAD RIGHT NOW SO IT ONLY HALF COUNTS)

The other is that it...would almost definitely be another unrequited crush. Which for one, is just drama that isn't interesting to me. But also I dunno if 'sad gay bravely accepts never getting with the love of their life' is amazing rep for...friendships OR gay people??? Like you could write it so that Morph is genuinely fine being 'just' friends, and maybe in an ideal world that would even kick Wolverine into considering he could maybe be More Normal About Jean. But I worry about their friendship falling apart or it being made out to be 'not enough' to Morph and ultimately just making everyone look bad (and also if they push too hard on the Sad Morph Angle I feel like it could just be another case of villainizing people for not returning affections which I just, REALLY HATE)

SO I'M ON EDGE ABOUT IT. Possibly they won't do much with the concept at all, which I'd frankly prefer. Possibly they'll find a way to write the one-sided romance that is actually considerate to both sides and doesn't destroy their friendship. Possibly they'll even introduce other gay couples somewhere in the show so the rep for it isn't all riding on Morph's shoulders! But I am also very aware how easy it would be to do this wrong. SO WE'LL SEE.

[djarinbarnes]

Hi Dina, how are you? I had a bad day and if you’re taking requests and have the time, I’d really love some Javi P in any form! Thank you ❤️

hi my darling! I'm doing alright at the moment. I hope you’ll feel a little better with this. I found it in my folder and finished it for you ❤️

hope you like it.

word count: 1.5k

warnings: smut, kinda unrequited love, javi is being javi. a little angst if you squint.

-

Sitting around in a car without heating on was one of the worst possible things you could imagine at this point. Not to mention the man that was seated beside you – the guy who ripped every hope of his affection to shreds when he apparently deemed himself too emotionally detached.

You had no idea what he meant by that. Either that he wanted nothing to do with anyone, ever, when it came to love, but he otherwise had no problem in burying his cock to the hilt in someone undeserving, as he put it. By undeserving, he apparently meant someone, that wouldn’t get emotionally attached to him, much like you had become, only without the who physical aspect.

Something about him just drew you in – and you found yourself unable to not think about him like that. He was a good-looking man, maybe with the moral compass not functioning properly, but you weren’t going to give him shit for putting himself first, and him doing what he felt was the right thing.

There had been just the slightest of movements from within the house you were currently spying on, but it hadn’t given you any useful leads yet. The two of you literally had nothing to move on with and talk about in case they called you over the radio.

You hear Javi mumble something about wanting a beer and a cigarette, and you huffed, turning your front away from him to get a possible better view at the plaza you were observing. “Just open the window a bit. I don’t care.” You did, though. You knew he could make out the annoyance in your tone when you said it, but you decided against saying any more.

You heard as he grabbed the small handle, cranking the window open an inch before he pulled out a cigarette and you heard the lighter click. You closed your eyes for just a second, inhaling a normal breath, trying to calm yourself just a bit.

You inhaled the smoke lingering in the air discretely, silently enjoying the smell that you related to Javi. That, and the lingering smell of his eau de cologne, which you also rather enjoyed. He just downright smelled good, and you hated yourself for thinking that way about him after he turned you down.

You knew from the start that it wasn’t just a schoolgirl crush you had on him, even though it felt like it for the first couple of months. No, it was more than that – you found yourself constantly lingering around his and Steve’s workplace when they were both there, not fully wanting to blow your cover and see Javi alone.

When you finally had gathered the courage to ask him out and him agreeing, and you went out for a beer after hours… And Steve tagging along. You didn’t really mind Steve tagging along, but somehow you just wanted him to leave you and Javi alone.

Luckily, he left after two beers to go home to Connie, and you finally had Javi to yourself. After a lot of flirting over the table he moved it under the table, his warm hand resting on your thigh as you both laughed and flirted until he’d convinced you to take him back to your place, where he’d fucked you roughly against the inside of your front door, your head held against the wood as his hips slammed against yours.

When you closed your eyes, you could still see the mahogany of your front door, and you could still feel his fingers tightening in your hair and the fullness you felt when he was inside you. You could also still feel the letdown of when he’d left right after, sparing no time to be all lovey dovey with you.

And the following day at the office when you’d brought him a cup of coffee to his desk and he’s nonchalantly thanked you, not sparing you another glance. When you’d asked him if he wanted to meet again and he blankly turned you down, you knew you’d been nothing more than easy pussy to him.

It hurt. A lot. Especially when you’d developed this kind of a crush on him… Well, it kind of was your own fault, but it still hurt, nonetheless. It wasn’t ever fun being let down, but especially since you had definitely expected more from your brief, heated encounter.

You truly didn’t know what you’d expected, but it wasn’t what the last three months had brought along. And now here you were – the ambassador completely oblivious to what had happened between the two of you since neither of you had spoken about it since.

You had a rough time keeping things professional between you and Javi, since all you wanted to do was damn him to the gates of hell, possibly while getting another round of fucking him, since he left you wanting more. You were hot and bothered beside him, there was no denying that.

You had to sit in a cloud of the smell of him, the smell reminding you of that one fucking night you had shared together, that made you want to not see other people. You’d tried, but nothing compared to the roughness you’d felt with him when he’d simply given into his urges when you’d whimpered a yes.

“You want one?” you hear his voice beside you, and you turn your head to look at the pack of cigarettes he’s holding out to you, offering you one. The one he smoked was already gone, a freshly lit one hanging from his lips. You sigh before taking one, not sure why you give into the urge to smoke a cigarette.

You had only been smoking at a rough point in your life, and you stopped soon after. When he lit the tobacco and you sucked the dangerous fumes into your mouth, you actually felt some kind of relief. It felt good. It tasted good, as well. Mainly because it reminded you of the time you had tasted that same taste on his lips.

It’s only when you’re pulling the cigarette from your lips to avoid the smoke from getting into your eyes you realize how much you’re shaking. You’d been too cooped up in your thoughts to fully comprehend just how cold it was in the car. Javi watches as you admire the cancerous stick you’re holding between your fingers.

“It’s cold. Take my jacket.” He says nothing more before he pulls his jacket from the back seat of the car, handing it over to you. You contemplate on just ignoring him, not wanting to give into him again, even though you so desperately want to.

“I’m fine,” you manage to huff out between clouds of smoke, but you know Javi sees right through your lie. You hear Javi chuckle, and then you hear the tobacco burning again as he takes another drag of his cigarette. “Really.”

“Right.”

Your fingers have started to lose feeling. Who knew it could be that cold in Colombia? Fucking hell. You really wanted to take Javi up on the offer on borrowing his jacket, yet you felt yourself holding back. A few silent minutes pass. They feel like hours.

You let out a soft gasp as his hand finds your inner thigh in the dark. You whisper out his name in desperation, your hand grabbing his to halt his movement. “We can’t,” you keep your voice a whisper, “not again.”

You hear Javi sigh before you hear the leather creak as he leans closer to you. “I keep thinking about you. Thinking about how well your body responded to my touch… Keep thinking about how warm you were.” His lips find your neck and you whimper, fully knowing you’re going to give in to him again. Fuck me and wearing a skirt.

You feel the rough pads of his fingertips trail up the inside of your thigh and you spread your legs a bit to grant him access. He doesn’t hesitate in swiping his fingers over your clothed core, feeling the dampness already gathered there. Out of your hooded eyes you see a lamp turning on over the door of the plaza.

“Javi.” You grasp his arm and try to pry his fingers off of you, yet he edges them further along your panty line. “Javier, really.” You push his shoulder as you watch your target step out of his door and skid down the steps. “Jesus, stop!”

He finally gets the memo and pulls himself back from your neck, his mustache still tickling your skin. You hear him mutter a god damn it before the two of you watch the target move down the street. Javi grabs the radio and calls it in.

“Nice job. Another team will take over. You’ve had a long day. Go home and relax.”

You feel a heavy gaze on you and turn your head, meeting Javi’s fully dilated pupils. You give him a short nod before he’s starting the car and driving you both towards something both of you knew weren’t going to be anything else than relaxed.

[thatblackravenclaw]

Match Un-Maker

Blog Details + Library

author note: i once again wrote this in class and if its bad once again let's blame it on my lack of sobriety 💀

Steve Rogers x black!fem!reader

au: matchmaking gone wrong

word count: 3.1k

warning(s): cursing, badly written training scene, unrequited love, special guest (matt murdock), sort of 4th wall break, reader is called doll, oral (fem recieving), aftercare, fluff

.

.

.

“You’ll like her, Steve.”

“Why do you keep trying to get me to go on a date?”

“Because you haven’t dated anyone since the 40s. I get irritated when I haven’t been laid in a week.” He laughs at this as he continues to wrap his knuckles.

I don’t get why he doesn’t want to date anybody. I know women now are different then the women back then, but that honestly can’t be the only reason why.

We move over to the punching bag, and I hold it from the other side.

“I actually do like someone.” My ears perk up at this.

“Who is it? Do they work here? Do I know them?” I unconsciously move my hands from the bag and almost get knocked over when he lands a punch.

“Why can’t we ever just train?”

I step to the side so he can see my face. “Because you’re the only one not dating someone. Nat is dating Bucky, Tony’s engaged to Pepper, Bruce is married to Betty, Clint is-“

“Okay, I get it.” He exasperates with an eye roll.

“Let’s take this to the ring.” I say with a smile.

He makes his way to the ring while I go over to my cubby to take my jacket off. I turn around and see him standing in the middle and it’s like a spotlight is on him. The room looks brighter in a sense. Has he always been this pretty?

I put my braids in a bun and make my way toward the ring.

“Ready to get your ass kicked, Rogers?” A smirk wipes on my face. He lets out a chuckle before taking his stance.

“You never answered my questions,” I state while dodging his lunge.

“I’m not saying, yes, and yes.” He lands a hit on my gut. I barely feel it as my brain is otherwise occupied at the hints I was just given. His left side is free, so I take this chance to force him into submission and hold his arm back.

“If you tell me, I’ll let you go.” He grunts as I’m only one step away from breaking his arm.

“I can do this all day,” he grunts out. I pull his arm back harder. He lets out a yell.

“Come on, Rogers. You either tap out and lose or say who it is and lose.”

“Sharon.”

My heart drops. I let go of his arm ad hop down. My heart hurts. Why does my heart hurt? I don’t even like Steve. His leg swoops mine and I fall. He locks my hands above me and keeps my body locked between his legs.

“Are you satisfied?” His turn to smirk. My face grows warm at his words and the position we’re in. Fuck, I have a crush on Steve.

I lift both my legs in between his arms and turn us over until my crotch is basically eye level with his face. His grip on my wrists loosen and I lean back.

“I can do this all day.” I throw back at him before standing up and lending him a hand.

“If you’re both done flirting, we have a mission.” I roll my eyes at Tony’s smart ass tone before bending under the ropes. Neither of us bothers to respond to him as we leave the gym.

.          .          .

The walk back to our rooms is silent. Not uncomfortable, but silent. That’s a half lie. I don’t know how to feel around him. We turn the corner and Sharen is right by my door. She’s a close friend of mine, but right now seeing her is making me sick.

“Hi, bitch,” I say with a smile as we reach her.

“Hi, slut. I come with good news.” I raise my eyebrows in intrigue. “You don’t have to go to today’s mission.” This actually brings a genuine smile to spread across my face.

“I don’t care how, so I’m just going to say thank you. I have good news for you too.” She raises her eyebrows at me. “I got you a date.” I see Steve’s body stiffen in the corner of my eye.

“No.”

“Hey y/n, I’ll see you later.” He waves awkwardly at Sharon before rushing off. I shrug it off as nerves and open my bedroom door.

“Come on, Shar. He’s smart and funny and a bit old fashioned.”

“Y/n, I love you, but you are the worst matchmaker.”

I feign hurt and drop my jaw in fake disbelief.

“I will have you know that I’m practically cupid. Look how happy Nat and Bucky are! Also, the only reason Tony and Pep are together is because I convinced her to get that dress to get Tony’s attention.”

“You fail to mention how Pep and Tony have been off and on for years and Bucky and Nat have been rocky ever since he saw her kissing Steve.”

“Hey! That was for a mission, and they got it cleared up. Look, if this date doesn’t work out then I won’t bother you again about your dating life.”

She stares at me, contemplating for a few seconds before agreeing. There’s that sick feeling again. We only talk for a few more minutes before she goes to do some paper work. After she leaves, I’m left alone with my thoughts. I walk around my room before going for my phone. Its only ringing for a few seconds before he answers.

“Hello?” I let out a sigh of relief.

“Hi Matty.”

.          .          .

“Why didn’t we work out, Matt?” I sadly sigh before taking another shot.

“Because you’re in love with Captain America.” I slap his arm before scolding him. “Ow, what the fuck? I’m pretty sure its frowned upon to abuse a blind person.”

“You fight the scums of the earth for a living plus you’re a vigilante. I think you’ll be fine. Besides, I didn’t realize that I have a crush,” I put emphasis on the last three words, “until earlier today.”

“That’s true, but me and the rest of society realized you love,” he puts emphasis on the last word, “a year and a half ago.”

“You’re lying.” I shake my head and signal the bartender to make me another drink.

Matt adjust himself in his seat before opening his mouth.

“He’s going on this date with Sharon, right?”

I nod my head while saying yes.

“Sharon was here last week and was talking to Karen about how annoying it is to be single in a compound full of couples, especially you and Steve, because you guys act more like a couple than anyone else.”

No we don’t. Do we? I swear we act like Clint and Natasha. Obviously not them in the comics. Or are we?

“Sounds like I’ve given you a lot to think about, so I’m going to go do my nightly duties.” He says with his famous Murdock smile.

We stand up and I wrap my arms around him in a hug.

“Thank you, Matty. You always know how to make my brain go into overdrive.” A comfortable laugh escapes the both of us. “Stay safe. You have super hearing, not super healing.”

“There you go bragging about your powers again.”

“Eh, you’re just jealous.” I say with a nonchalant shrug.

“Yeah, okay. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” His eyes crinkle as his smile reaches his eyes.

We say our goodbyes one last time before we go our separate ways.

.          .          .

“So which power did you get first?” Nat asks while stealing one of my fries.

“Interestingly enough, it was flight. I was in like the 10th grade when my sister didn’t want to take me to get a navel piercing, so I sat there and wishes I could fly and next thing I knew, I was five feet in the air.” I lightly hit her hand as she reaches for another fry.

“So did you get it?”

“What?”

“The piercing?”

“Oh, yeah. For free too. The piercer has a crush on me.”

“I wanna see!”

“Nat, I don’t even know where that boy is. Probably arrested for being a pedophile.”

She gives me a pointed look to which I respond with a giggle. I stand up and lift my top right below my bust and pull my shorts just low enough to reveal the blue butterfly accessory.

“Oh shit. Why don’t you show it off more often?”

“Because I live at my job,” I say with a laugh. We hear voices come from the foyer and we duck down behind the bar.

“I’m sorry Sharon, but I can’t go on the date with you.” I probably shouldn’t be listening to this.

“I don’t know why you agreed. Everyone knows you like y/n. Well, everyone except her.” I look over at Nat and see her nod her head in agreement. What the fuck is going on?

I stand from behind the counter. Both of their heads snap towards me.

“Steve,” confusion clear in my tone.

I can’t quite place his emotion. Something between shock, fear, and relief.

“Well, on that note, I’m going to leave you two love birds alone.” Sharon says while making a brisk exist.

“Me too.” Nat exclaims as she goes out the other exit. My attention is still on him.

“Steven Grant Rogers. Who would’ve thought.”

“Here we go.”

“Oh no, I’m going to relish in this. America’s poster boy has a crush on me.”

“Do you really have to-“

“Captain America has a crush on me.”

“Y/n-“

“Mr. ‘I can do this all day’ has a crush on me.”

“Okay! We get it.”

I let out a laugh at his tone. He actually looks really cute all flustered and annoyed.

“Can you reject me like an adult so we can both move on with our lives.” He timidly looks down and starts fiddling with one of the couch pillows. I sit down next to him, lean back, and throw my legs over his.

“Why would I do that? Then I wouldn’t get to go around bragging that I’m dating Captain America.” He sharply looks up into my eyes.

“You’re serious,” He says between a question and a statement.

I glance to his lips and back up to his eyes. I find that his eyes are already on mine. I take a small breath before leaning in and lightly pecking him on the lips. I pull back and avoid eye contact. I can’t believe I made the first move. I never make the first move.

He takes my cheek in his palm and reconnects our lips. My heart is beating through my chest as I shift my body closer to his. His arms wrap around my waist and put me on his lap where my legs are on both of his thighs. I moan into his mouth when he thrusts his hips against mine.

“Wait,” I say startled. My eyes scan the room, looking in every corner.

“We’re being watched.” I look back at Steve and see his face completely flushed. His lips are tinted red and he’s breathing hard. Fuck. I stand up and offer him my hand. He takes it and I practically run to his room.

.          .          .

“What do you mean we’re being watched?”

“Stark has cameras up and down that room. I’m pretty sure you don’t want to end up on a porn site.”

“That depends.”

“On?”

“Which website would it be on?”

I slap him chest and move over to his bed. I take a look around his room. Looks straight out of the 40s. Not in a bad way. Very picturesque. Some baseball posters are posted along the wall by the windows. Instead of a tv, he has a giant pull down projector.

“So what I’m hearing is you don’t mind getting fucked on camera.”

I open my legs as he gets closer to the bed. He positions himself in between my thighs and plays with the belt hoops of my shorts. His fingers graze over the button before unclasping it and slowly unzips my shorts, I lift my hips and he shimmy’s them off of my legs and tosses them beside the bed. I’m unable to maintain my breathing as my panties meet the same fate.

“Can I try something,” He asks while his eyes are practically begging. I nod my head yes. His face gets closer to my heat. I feel my face warm up and I lean back and close my eyes.

“Sorry doll, but I’m not gonna continue unless you keep your pretty eyes open.”

My eyes flutter open and meet his deep blue ones. Our eye contact doesn’t break as the top of his tongue meets my clit My hand reaches into his hair in reflex. His eyes close as he continues to lick clit. A wave of arousal floods through me. I feel my slick trickle out of me. His tongue goes lower until it reaches my entrance. He starts licking up my arousal and reaches his arm around my thigh so he can rub my clit. My thighs begin to quiver, and I clench around nothing.

“Please,” I whimper.

He pulls away from my pussy which in turn causes me to groan at the loss.

“Please what, doll?” I’m met with a smirk. Cocky little shit.

“Please make me cum.”

Without hesitation, his mouth is back on my clit, and he inserts his index finger in my pussy. My hips start to meet his thrusts and holds them down with his free arm. My moans fill the room, and it occurs to me that whoever is close enough can hear us, but I can’t find myself to care as Steve moans around my clit. The vibrations make me enclose Steve’s face in my thighs. He sucks harder and my band snaps as I cum all over his fingers. My shirt sticks to my skin and my body feels like it’s on fire. His head peeks up at me. His hair is stuck to his forehead and his mouth is covered in my slick. God, I wish I had a camera.

“You okay?”

I let out a contend sigh in response.

“Do you think they heard?” I ask, becoming shy all of a sudden.

“Probably.” I put my head in my hands.

“I can’t believe I’m doing the walk of shame this early in the day.”

“You can stay in there if you want. Deal with the ‘shame’ tomorrow.”

I sigh and shake my head while standing up.

“I would, but my hair stuff is in my room and I only plan to do the walk of shame once.” Where are my shorts again?

I hear shuffling from behind me as I bend down to pick up my panties. I could’ve sworn he had put them in the same spot. I hear a smack which is then filled with a wave of pain. I stand up and look at him.

“Did you just-“

“I was curious. It jiggles.”

I start to chase after him. He practically jumps out the door. I’m right on him when he suddenly stops. As we catch our breath, we look at each other and bust out laughing. I hold his arm as I’m bent over laughing. I feel the heat rush across my face.

A whistle is heard behind me, followed by a “nice ass y/n.” from Sam. I look down and realize that I never ended up finding my shorts. I hurry and let Steve and I into my room. He goes in first while I enter behind and flip Sam off before closing the door.

Steve is walking around my room looking at the decorations that adorn my walls and the books that are stacked neatly in my bookcase. I let him continue to look around while I get my stuff gathered to take a shower.

While I put my hair in a bun, I catch his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His eyebrow raises in confusion.

“I’m getting ready to take a shower. Do you want to join me?” My voice laced with innocence and seduction, knowing what’s going to happen if he says yes.

“If I ever say no to that, slap me.”

.          .          .

“What’s this for?” He asks as he picks up my foam hair lotion.

“My hair. It has somewhat of a purpose. I just use it because it feels good on my scalp.” I go to reach for it, but his grip tightens around the bottle.

“Can I do it?” My heart warms. I nod my head and turn to sit in front of my floor mirror.

“How much,” he asks as he starts spraying it in his hand.

“I usually fill my palm, but yours is bigger than mine-“ I look up at him through the mirror and see that he has already filled his hands with the substance. I giggle as he just stares at his palm.

“Too much?” He asks with a chuckle.

“I don’t think I’ll die if you put a lot. Start at the top of my head and run it through the braids.”

I close my eyes as he follows my instructions. His touch sends shivers down my spine. The sound of the foam crunching reaches my ears and I almost fall asleep right then and there. This goes on for another minute or so before I feel his fingers completely leave my head. I open my eyes and notice that all the foam is gone. I turn around to thank him and find him already looking at me.

“What?”

“Nothing.” His smile doesn’t widen, but his eyes now have a twinkle.

He goes to wash his hands. I can’t but follow him. I sit on the counter and watch him squirt the cotton candy scented soap into his palm.

“So, how long have you had a crush on me?”

The bashful look on his face almost makes me laugh as we have been walking around my room naked for the past fifteen minutes.

“When did you?” He asks.

“I asked first.”

“I’m older.”

“AH, NO YOU are NOT! I’M OLDER, YOU WERE JUST BORN FIRST!”

“Do you hear yourself, doll?”

I do and from an outsider’s point of view, I would sound dumb, but I’m right! He was born first, but he went into the water when he was 27 so physically he’s 32 but I’m 34.

“Why can’t you answer the question?” I ask as I deflect his question.

“Let’s go to bed.”

“It’s 6 in the evening.” I deadpan.

“I didn’t say we had to go to sleep.”

“God, you men only think with your dicks.” I hop off the counter and walk my happy as to the bed, turning off the lights before getting in.

author note 2: it's canon that he's liked her since they met.