#upon a second helping I think there’s a couple more things that I’m iffy about

[spacooles]

Watched SPTO for the second time, it’s just nice

[salemwritesxx]

𝓲𝓷𝓮𝔁𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓭.

𝔹 𝔸 𝕂 𝕌 𝔾 𝕆 𝕌  𝕂 𝔸 𝕋 𝕊 𝕌 𝕂 𝕀

     ⇴ male reader [22, virgin]      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↳ summary: Bakugou is a 34 year old pro-hero. He had been single since reaching his thirties until one inexperienced, young pro-hero caught his attention a few months ago – [Your.name]. For the past six months [Your.name] and Katsuki have been dating and without knowing it, both of them are struggling with their feelings and emotions, until it all explodes eventually.

↣ rating: / ↣ warnings: Age Gap (12 years), older Bakugou (34), shy virgin reader, cute, sexual tension, sexual things implied

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Standing in the kitchen, you were setting the table while your eyes wandered to your boyfriend every now and then. Bakugou was in front of the oven, adding finishing touches to the dinner he had cooked, not really realizing you were looking at him.

With a small gulp you hastily turned your head again and stared onto one of the plates, your heart racing and blood rushing down south – just by looking. Though, who could really blame you? Katsuki was, despite your age gap, so fucking beautiful and handsome, it was hard for you to keep your cool around him. It also didn’t help that you hadn’t had any sexual experience yet. Thus, you were even more sensitive to… simply everything.

“No! Think about something gross!”, you yelled inside your head, because one glance to your boyfriend made your stomach cramp with all the happy, fluffy feelings that were rushing through your body. (Together with the very horny, very desperate feelings that made their way down south.)

“[Your.name]?”, Bakugou suddenly called your name and touched your shoulder, hence a yelp escaped your lips. You were way too caught up in your own thoughts.

“K-Katsuki-san!”, you stammered, an instant jolt wandering down in your lower abdomen making you gulp. He was so close, smelled so nice, looked so sexy, the way his plush lips looked so soft, his muscles from all the hard work, his pecs and yet the small waist and just-

“Are you okay, [Your.name]? You’ve been silent for a while…”

“No!”, your voice went high-pitched, “I am completely fine!”

With a raised brow, Bakugou looked at you, the pro-hero not really convinced. You didn’t know, you couldn’t know, but your weird behavior worried him. He didn’t want to show or say it, but he was insecure.

“Okay… Dinner’s ready soon.”

“Okay! Thank you, Katsuki-san!”, with that, you quickly turned around and almost fled into the bathroom.

He wondered if you felt awkward due to the age gap.

Biting his lip, he also turned back to the oven. Since he was already 34, Katsuki hadn’t even wanted to date you in the beginning, despite there being obvious sparks between you. But, having a 12 year age gap was not something that could be easily overlooked – at least that’s what he thought in the beginning. Now, he was very comfortable with you, however, some things started to feel a little… iffy.

You had been dating for almost half a year at that point and there had been NOTHING sexual happening between you two. By now, he was rather insecure and wondered if you just simply didn’t find him attractive or too old. But then again, you were the one who was persistent until he gave in to try and date you. So why was it so different now, a few months later? Did you not like him anymore?

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to initiate things. Fuck, he hadn’t had sex in like four years after his last relationship ended horribly and he needed time to be ready again. So to be dating and not have sex was bizarre to him, because if you would just try, he would willingly jump you any second – but seeing you so passive, he worried he would overstep a boundary if he dared to try something. You were so much younger after all.

“Ugh! I fucking hate this. Relationships are way too fucking hard.”, he thought while quietly sighing.

--

It all came crashing down a few days later.

Bakugou was freshly out of the shower and still drying himself, when he heard his apartment door being opened and your voice calling for him.

“Katsuki-san? I’m sorry for the intrusion, my friend just got me two tickets to-“, you said excitedly while walking into his home, however, stopped immediately when he came around the corner with a mere, short towel around his hips.

“Two tickets?”, he said so casually, not realizing how hard it was for you to stay calm as all your blood was rushing south.

“No- I- uh- uhm! I-“, you helplessly stuttered before turning around, literally about to just run away, when Bakugou, however, decided enough was enough.

And thus, he grabbed your arm, stopping you from fleeing yet again.

“Wait! What’s the fucking problem?!”

“No- it’s nothing, I just-“

“Kiss me!”, Katsuki then suddenly demanded, catching you off-guard.

You swore you were about to explode, but in the end, you complied and nodded. You WANTED to touch and kiss him, you were just too shy to act upon your pent up horny feelings. So once you stepped closer again, you leaned down to just peck his lips.

And Bakugou seriously thought you wanted to make fun of him. Thus, he grabbed your neck and pulled you down further, this time however kissing you fully on the mouth – hot, passionate and fiery. Thankfully, you immediately kissed him back and it truly seemed like you had relaxed a bit.

“Why don’t you stay the night, [Your.name]?”, he finally asked after pulling back, panting a little. However, he did not think your reaction would be so strong when you stepped back immediately.

“No, I can’t- I, Katsuki-san- and… uhm-“

And that’s when Bakugou simply snapped. Being rejected was one thing, but being rejected from the one who you were dating was definitely hurtful on another level.

“What’s your fucking problem, [Your.name]?! If you don’t like me anymore, just say it and LEAVE. I am done putting up with your shit. I am too fucking old for that!”, he was furious and yelled, before turning around and walking into the living room.

Now you’ve done it.

Your heart dropped into your stomach when you realized how stupid you had been acting the last couple of months, ever since that desperate horny feeling was taking over you.

“No! Wait- Katsuki-san!”, you hastily ran after him, “That’s not it at all! I really, really like you-“

“Oh really?!”, Bakugou interrupted you.

“Fuck, [Your.name], you won’t even fucking kiss me properly, do you REALLY think I am believing you??? Don’t waste our time and just be straightforward and find someone else who suits you better, huh?”

“Katsuki-san, no! That’s not it! I swear it’s not you, it’s-“

“Then what the fuck is it!?!?”

“I am a virgin!”, you then suddenly blurted out, cheeks flaming hot.

“Oh…”

“And you’re so hot and amazing and I don’t want to disappoint you with my non-existing skills and you’re probably weirded out because what 22 year old is a virgin nowadays, you know? Hahaha aha.. so-“, though before you could ramble on more and embarrassingly laugh at yourself, a hand on your cheek and soft lips on yours suddenly stopped you.

Once more, you melted into the kisses, your hands awkwardly placing themselves on his exposed waist. His bare skin underneath your fingertips felt absolutely amazing, you would probably short circuit if you were to touch him deeper.

“You’re so stupid and cute…”, Katsuki then whispered, all his worries and insecurities falling off his shoulders.

“You’re not… disappointed, Katsuki-san?”, you sheepishly mumbled.

“Why would I? I don’t fucking care. I was just… worried. Like you regretted asking me out and you weren’t into this anymore.”, now he was slightly looking to the other side, a soft pinkish hue on his cheeks.

“NO! I like you so much, Katsuki-san!”

Catching him off guard you suddenly hugged him so passionately you both stumbled back a bit and Bakugou’s little towel loosened and eventually fell to the floor. Which you immediately noticed due to the fabric landing on your feet.

“Oh…”

Though before you could pull back in embarrassment, Bakugou had cupped your face and kissed you – quick and soft, a mere peck really. But it made you stop in your erratic movement, even if your cheeks were warm and your [eye.color] eyes shimmered with embarrassment.

“So… how do you feel? Wanna stop running and finally try?”

“YES!”, the way your voice cracked and was all high-pitched was enough for Bakugou to grin widely – you were so cute.

“Good, because I was so fucking close to just jumping you in the next days.”, and with that, Katsuki pulled you down again, lips colliding and tongues meeting in a passionate embrace.

Your raging hormones were all over the place, but now that Bakugou knew, it was easier to let loose and not feel like you had to catch up to him. Because in the end, it was impossible to catch up on a 12 year old age gap, but at least today you could embark on your sexual journey filled with lots of love and lust.

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@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: I just find shy reader and older baku so cute. idk if I will write the nsfw to this but I am kinda wanting to… see how experienced baku just completely wrecks yn hmmm so yeah let me know what you think!

[harryspet]

Could you possibly write some dark Bucky Barnes ? Maybe the reader is super innocent and he takes advantage of it?

party princess | bucky barnes 

[Warnings] dark bucky barnes x innocent reader, natasha x reader (sort of), nanny reader, manipulation, affair, drunk consent (dubcon?), little editing

A/N: I’m gonna be honest and say that I basically DNF’d this one-shot after working on it for awhile. I liked the idea at first but then towards the middle my interests in it got a little iffy. anyways, I hope you can still enjoy it for what it is. I’ll def try to write more stories like this in the future! 

In which married Bucky takes advantage of the birthday party princess. 

word count: 2.5k

“Okay, let’s see, who wants to have their wish granted?”

The crowd of first graders erupted but you quickly held up your hands to shush them, “Before I can use my magic on any of my little friends, I have to make sure you’re all good little girls and boys. How many of you are kind to your friends and listen to your Mommies and Daddies?”

Hands raised and you smiled, “That’s very good, my friends. If you want to be a princess like me or a prince, then are certain things you have to do. Princess’s are polite, kind, and most important of all …” A hush fell over the crowd as they listened patiently before you suddenly exploded with giddiness, “They like to sing and dance! Will you sing a song with me, friends?”

Bucky watched from behind the glass door as you twirled around on the terrace. He sipped at his bottle of beer, noting how your eyes lit up as the group of children gather around you. They wanted to touch your ball gown and have you tap them with your fairy wand so you could grant their wishes. You seemed to be in your element and you hadn’t fallen out of character once as you pranced around in your fairy princess costume. It was a character from the latest Disney junior show that his daughter had recently fallen in love with and Natasha had the idea of hiring a party princess for her fifth birthday party. 

Both Natasha and Bucky were surprised when you volunteered to do it. You loved makeup and the idea of making their daughter’s birthday spectacular seemed like fun. Besides, you had only been nannying with the Barnes family for a couple of weeks and you wanted to make even more of a good impression. 

“I’m starting to think she actually has magic,” Natasha commented, and Bucky turned to see her placing candles on their daughter’s birthday cake, “I can barely handle our baby girl alone and yet she’s tamed fifteen of them.”

“She’s really something, isn’t she?” Bucky smirked and Natasha grinned, lighting the candles. 

“Keep it in your pants for now,” Natasha stated slyly, “C’mon Daddy, let’s sing happy birthday.”

As he opened the sliding door for Natasha, she rolled out the cake and the entire terrace erupted with singing. Bucky joined along, of course, watching as his daughter grabbed your hand and dragged you over to the cake. You sang happily, encouraging her to blow out the candles and make a wish when the song had ended. 

Natasha took a million pictures of you and, out of the corner of your eyes, you could feel Mr. Barnes’ gaze on you. You hoped that meant you were doing a good job. Keeping a smile on your face for that long was quite a lot of work. You watched as the birthday girl ran up to her father and he swung her in his arms.

You had already noticed what a beautiful family they were and how incredibly lucky they were to live in such a nice part of town. You hoped to have something like this one day and to find someone as attentive as Mr. Barnes. You were holding a little girl in your lap as she was asking if you personally knew Mulan before you heard a gagging noise.

Before you knew it, icing colored vomit was dripping down the bottom of your dress. 

Her mother came quickly, swooping the little girl from your arms, “I’m so so so sorry! She must’ve had too much cake,” You only smiled, trying to hide any disgust that you felt. 

“It’s okay,” You stood, making sure the little girl wasn’t embarrassed, “Even princess’s get tummy aches. Besides, I have lots of dresses in my castle.”

You felt a hand on the small of your back and turned to see Mr. Barnes, “The princess will be back in just a moment,” He spoke to the crowd of first graders as if to say that he’d personally help out with your accident. 

“I’m just going to return to my castle for a moment, friends” You assured the little ones with a smile, as Bucky helped you with the long train of your dress. Natasha had spent a fortune on the dress just to make sure it was realistic. He helped you inside, and as the sliding glass door closed, you let out a breath of air. 

Your smile fell a little though you didn’t want to appear completely tired in front of Mr. Barnes. One hand carrying your train and the metal one on your back, he led you towards the master bedroom. At first, you blushed but then you realized that was probably where the most room was. 

“You looked like you were having fun out there,” Bucky commented. 

“It’s nice making them smile,” You spoke earnestly and part of Bucky told him to beware. You were too pure for him to dip his fingers into yet he still wanted to taste you. 

“Do you want to take off your dress?” Bucky smiled evilly as your eyes widened and your cheeks heated with embarrassment. 

It took a minute for you to realize what he was actually asking, “W-Well, the show must go on, right? I think I can just try to wipe it with a wet washcloth and hope for the best. I don’t want to let this ruin the party.”

Bucky nodded though he added, “My daughter loves you so I doubt you could ever ruin anything.” That made you genuinely smile because you knew then that the impression you were trying so hard to make was definitely good. Natasha had even said you deserved a raise before you’d gotten thrown upon. 

Bucky led you into the bathroom before he retrieved a washcloth and ran in under the sinkwater for you. You couldn’t help but admire the luxury of it all, the tall ceilings and the chandelier that hung. You could fit the size of your entire apartment in their bathroom. 

You sat down on the tub and began to scrub at your dress, “I really appreciate you guys giving me a chance. I know I didn’t have as many qualifications as the other girls,” Bucky knew you’d be grateful for that. Your interview with them was good and Natasha liked your personality but Bucky wanted you because of your beauty and youth. 

“You’re a hard worker, Y/N,” You liked the way your name rolled off his tongue like you could hear the satisfaction in each syllable. “Natasha and I were thinking … I’m not sure she’d want me to mention it yet-”

“What were you thinking?” You looked up with curious eyes, “I mean, of course, you don’t have to tell me, sorry.”

Be patient with her, Natasha had told him. But looking down at how the heart shape neckline of your dress exposed your breasts, patience was the last thing on his mind. 

“We wanted you to stay with us, join our staff full time. Nat wants to start working more and it’s hard for both of us to keep up with things around the house.”

“Really?” You perked up, your eyes wide with excitement, “I’d love that. I’d love that so much, Mr. Barnes.”

Bucky admired the light in your eyes and knew the power he held over your life. You wanted this job desperately since it was probably the best you were going to do. You’d probably do a lot to keep it as well. 

“I’m sure Nat will be glad to hear it …. and you can call me Bucky, Y/N. Might as well drop the formalities if we’re going to be getting closer.”

Closer in proximity is what you thought he meant, “Sounds good, Bucky.”

+

It had been a few weeks since you’d moved into their luxurious home. It had been a complete dream especially with the huge pay raise that it had earned you. 

“Do you have a boyfriend, Y/N?” You looked up abruptly from where you were wiping down the kitchen counter. Natasha was sitting down at the island, typing away at her laptop, while she looked you over. You still had paint on your hands and on your cheek from the painting session you had with her daughter. Now the little girl was down for her night and Natasha thought it was the perfect time to get some information, “I mean, you just never mention anyone.”

“I-I don’t,” Your cheeks heated from embarrassment, “Dating isn’t really … my thing.”

“Why’s that? You’re a lovely girl, Y/N.”

Why was she saying all this? Why the sudden curiosity? Was she worried you’d bring someone around her daughter?

“I-It’s just hard. With kids, I’m confident but, with adults, not so much.”

“Bucky used to be that way,” You weren’t expecting to hear about him, “When I met him, he was very closed off. He thought dating was still like it is in the ’40s. Sure, it’s nice to settle down but everyone these days is so … open. You know what I mean?”

You tilted your head to the side, “But you and Bucky settled down?”

“Yes, we love each other and I wanted kids so it made sense. But we still like to keep things interesting. We want to make sure each of us happy.”

“How … How do you do that?”

Natasha bit down on her lip as she thought for a moment, “Let’s have a glass of wine,” She spoke, getting up from her seat.

“Oh, I don’t drink,” You rushed out nervously, “I mean, I’ve never done it before.”

She was still moving towards the wine cabinet, “There’s a first time for everything, right? C’mon have a drink with your boss.” Your boss, right. She was speaking so casually that you had almost forgotten the line between you. 

“Are you sure? What about-”

“Bucky won’t be home until late and the little one is fast asleep. We can have some girl talk, it’ll be fun. One glass won’t do any harm,” Natasha sat the two glasses on the counter before she started to pour you some red wine. 

You’d probably be good after one glass but the universe didn’t work in your favor that night. There was a second after the first glass and now you were a giggling mess. 

Natasha managed to reach into the deepest parts of your past and had you laughing at the same time. You were exactly as she had previously predicted. You had a sheltered life, you grew up disadvantaged but had religious parents. They shamed you into not doing a lot of things but Natasha manages to drill into you that “you shouldn’t be ashamed of anything you do”.

When Bucky strolled in later that night, he found you and Nat sprawled on the couch in the living room. Whatever plan Nat had was working on, it was clearly successful, “Bucky, honey, come sit with us!”

You set your glass down, realizing how comfortable you had gotten, “Don’t be shy now, Y/N,” Nat said to you as Bucky took a seat beside her, “Y/N was telling me about her love life.”

You stared at Nat in disbelief. You understood talking about this stuff with her because she was a girl but with Bucky? “It’s exciting, I hope. There are lots of people in New York.”

“A-Actually, I-”

Natasha placed a hand on Bucky’s leg, taking another sip of wine before saying, “She’s a virgin.”

Bucky looked you over with a smirk, “And I thought the fairy princess stuff was an act ... “

You weren’t sure if you should be offended so you only said, “It’s not like that. I still know things ... “

Natasha handed her glass of wine to Bucky before standing and walking to where you were sitting on the couch. She held her hands out to you and you took them hesitantly. She pulled you up so you were standing impossibly close to her, “How much do you know, honey?”

“I … “

“Don’t you want to learn some things? So you can please the man in your life?”

“You won’t be much use to your future boyfriend if you don’t know how to please him,” Bucky interjected, leaning forward. 

You hadn’t even thought of it that way …Maybe it was the wine or something because you didn’t object to their words. “I don’t think I can ... “

Natasha still held your hands as she guided you over to where Bucky was sitting, “Of course you can,” Before you knew it, she was pushing you into his lap. You felt his hands tightening on your waist and you began to panic. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Barnes-”

“It’s okay,” Natasha grabbed your chin, forcing you to look up at her as his cold hand roamed over your thigh, “We’re gonna help each other out. You can’t go the rest of your life without knowing how to please a man. How I please Bucky is with girls like you, understand?”

It was so far from anything you had ever experienced that you weren’t sure if you did understand. That didn’t stop Bucky from pressing his front to you, grabbing at your breast and rubbing circles against your nipples through your top, “Let me teach you, Y/N, I promise I won’t bite” He whispered into your ear and it must’ve been the wine that makes you whisper back, “O-Okay.”

You’d be lying if you said you never thought about Bucky in that way but the thoughts had never gone far because of Natasha. 

Natasha stepped away from a small grin on her face. After Bucky got his hands on one of the innocent dolls like you, it seemed to turn him into a complete animal in bed, and Natasha loved dealing with the consequences, “Bucky’s going to be very gentle with you, honey. Just give a shout if you need anything.”

Bucky watched as his wife stepped away, knowing he liked to watch her go. He turned his head back to you, dipping his face into your neck, starting to kiss the sensitive area there. It sent fire through you, not only to your cheeks but all over your body, “What do you know about kissing, Y/N?” Again, he could tell you were only pretending as you stuttered over your response, “Then I’m your first?”

You nodded. Nat had really hit the jackpot. He was going to thank her really well later. 

Bucky’s hand stroked your bottom lips for a moment, “Just relax,” You did your best but you couldn’t help but tense as he leaned into you and pressed his lips against yours. You thought it would be a short moment but his hands roamed over your bare legs as the tip of his tongue began to pry open your mouth. 

You let him and soon you were trying to copy his movements by moving your mouth against his. When he finally did pull away, you thought you might have totally embarrassed yourself, “Was that bad?”

Bucky immediately shook his head, “You’re a natural, baby.”

+

i really wanted to write more but i kinda just lost inspo : / and I didn’t just want to not post it. 

[marmaligne]

Hey yo! :D For the requests: how about a vld post-canon fanfic in which the reader helps Lance to move on, while still remembering Allura with respect and fond memories, which ends up in a sweet love confession? :3 If you need more details, please don’t hesitate to ask. Thanks, and have a good day!

[Lance McClain] “Under The Sun”

———————————————————————

“It’s been quite awhile now, I wonder when Lance is coming home?”

You pondered without so much as a doubt that he’d be back eventually, but you were a bit worried about your long-time best friend. It was late into the summer evening now, and the gradient dark blue was only just beginning to peek over the horizon. He was out late far more often now, though you supposed it was because Allura’s death had hit him hard, but you were in disbelief in seeing the usually peppy and flirtatious boy so…. depressed. It was heartbreaking to witness.

Staring out the farmhouse window, you watched the tall grass sway in the fields beyond and the slight breeze ruffle through the distant image of an apple orchard. The sun was nearly set by now, and soon the stars would be clear in the sky—a constant reminder of the paladins journey across the galaxy.

Knowing that there was so much life out there beyond the Earth you knew, you could barely comprehend just how significantly small your life was in comparison. You hadn’t travelled with the paladins or engaged in conversation with Allura beyond briefings during the Galran invasion, but you understood that the universe they witnessed was oh-so-incredibly vast and endless.

And now you felt oh-so-incredibly lonely in it. You weren’t close with many of the other paladins, besides Hunk and Pidge of course. Shiro had his new husband, Coran was too iffy for your tastes, and Keith…. well he was always off and away. With Altea restored to its rightful glory, commerce and politics between itself and Earth were bustling and swell, never better, and many of the paladins, including Lance from time-to-time, were busy making deals and new friends.

And you felt left out and abandoned because of that. It wasn’t fair that you hadn’t been accepted into the space academy, only because there was a limit to the number of accepted students, and it wasn’t fair Lance left without a single word to you, on some grand adventure for years on end without so much as a word, and it wasn’t fair that you were helpless in all things besides cooking or cleaning or feeding the animals out in the barn, or giving Lance a hug when he needed one, or looking after his siblings while his parents were gone or just—being there. It just wasn’t fair that they’d all experienced so much of life, and you hadn’t done anything in the meantime. Your meagre living was nothing in comparison to their heroism and praise. You felt selfish for thinking this way, so you never voiced your concerns to anybody, especially Lance.

“I wonder what he’d think of me, thinking this way,” you looked out unto the glimmer of stars appearing beyond the clouds, “he’d look at me and think ‘Life is never fair, you should deal with it.’ What a joke.”

You suppose you were satisfied for now with just being able to be near Lance, as a friend and support for when he needed you most, even if he didn’t know it.

“Oh Allura,” stepping outside, your eyes had an even clearer view of the skyline, and the sunset appearing within your vision, and you could almost feel the expanse of the universe looking down upon you, Allura among the vast amount of stars blazing within it, “tell me what I should do to help him. Tell me how I should be there for him, in the same way you were and in ways otherwise. How can I make him happy now you’re gone?”

Of course, you would never receive an answer beyond a pregnant silence, and the echo of your own voice over the hills and through the house where the children were asleep. You kept your eyes on the stars, hoping they’d give you some form of sign, an astrological message that could guide you, a vision of some kind, but there was only emptiness, the soft yet visible twinkle of each individual sun, burning lightyears away.

Sigh. You really should’ve expected this you suppose.

“Speaking to the sky, I’m selfish and an idiot!”

You gripped your [H/c] hair and yanked it downwards, chanting ‘idiot’ over and over again, like a mantra or a prayer, hoping it would relieve some of your many frustrations, until you heard a small sound from a hay bale around the side of the house, near an old trough used to store feed.

“Hello? Anybody there?”

Silence was all that answered at first, but then a small series of whimpers came from the area. You grabbed a pitchfork and slowly made your way over to the bale, creeping closer and bringing the pitchfork up to your chest, ready to strike.

“AAAAAAAAAAH!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

A terrified Lance dunked himself into the trough, getting his backside stuck before tipping it over and having it land on top of him while attempting to crawl away.

“Dios mío [Y/n], you scared me!” Lance stood up and dusted off his jacket and pants, rubbing at his eyes and making an awful attempt at hiding his face away from your sight.

“Well I’m sorry, oh merciful Lord Lance, but you being secretive and not answering me when I asked has a lot to do with that.”

He looked away from you for a further moment before responding.

“Well, I uh…. just wanted to be alone for a minute y’know? All my siblings and family n’ stuff, kind of makes my back stiff and mind numb from time-to-time.”

You watched solemnly as he tried to laugh it off, sitting back down on the edge of the trough, head leaning in his hands and staring off into the distance, obviously bothered by something. You were curious, but you didn’t have any right to pry if he didn’t want to tell you first. You’d respect his wishes if he really did just want to be alone.

“Well, alright then,” you smiled softly at him, forcing yourself off your knees and turning around to head back inside, “if you want to talk, I’ll be back inside. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

You began to walk away, adamant on getting back upstairs to the comfort of your bed and laying awake all night, when you felt a small weight on the back of your shirt. Lance’s hand had managed to grasp the fabric while you were walking away, and though you turned around to ask him why, he had barely moved from his position on the trough, only gazing at you with unshed tears in his eyes.

“Can you stay for a moment,” he pleaded, “please? It’ll only take a minute [Y/n], I swear.”

‘Allura give me strength’ you thought, letting out an exasperated sigh and seating yourself beside him on the ledge, barely glancing at him again, preferring to turn your sights to the horizon once more. You knew it’d be another nightly session of listening to his fears and sorrows, meanwhile drowning in your own self-doubt and anxieties. This also meant that tomorrow you’d wake up questioning your worth again, comparing yourself to the woman you’d come to respect and admire, and a woman who was now gone off to the afterlife, long before you.

“Tell me what’s up Lance. What’s eating away at you this time tonight, huh? Lemme guess, is it your girlfriend again?”

You watched as Lance fiddled with a piece of straw, rolling it back and forth between his palms, keeping his gaze on the sunset ahead.

“No,” he muttered, “more of an apology really.”

You nearly did a spit take, staring at him like he was a chicken with two heads. You never thought you’d be hearing an apology from the Casanova himself, let alone one aimed at you. Usually he was too cocky to have second thoughts.

“Sheesh Lance, what’s gotten into you? Did your mom finally drill some manners into that peabrain of yours?”

You jokingly put him in a headlock and started ruffling his hair, Lance desperately trying to remove your arm so he could fix his ruined part.

“[Y/n] c’mon! I styled my hair hours ago, I nearly kept it perfect for the whole day!”

He began running his fingers through his hair to put it back in place. Concentrating on perfecting it once more.

“Oh Lance, what kind of farmer like you needs styling gel? It gets greasy in a couple minutes anyways so why even bother.”

“It’s the thought that counts [Y/n]!”

You snorted as he huffed at you, the two of you quipping at each other reminded you of the days before he left off to the academy. Then you remembered,

“Oh right, the apology. Glad to see you learned some common courtesy, but what’s this all about Lance?”

You really needed answers. He suddenly went quiet and seemed to contemplate something for a moment. He worried you, and he knew it too, that you were expecting an explanation for an apology he probably wasn’t ready to give.

“Well you see [Y/n],” he stared directly at you, “I know that I’ve been down recently, and that you’ve always been…. there, I guess, for me when I needed you to be. And I know that I’ve never even thanked you or given you something in return, and that by using you as a way to escape my own problems, I’ve given you some of your own,”

He stopped for a moment to see if you were still paying attention, and seeing you looking at him with encouragement, he continued,

“I’m so sorry, [Y/n]. Really, I am. I was being dumb like always and pouring out my feelings onto someone who had difficulties of their own to deal with, and I never really thought about how I was hurting you…. I’m sorry. When Allura was here, and I was back out in space, battling alien hordes and saving the galaxy…. I felt like everything was right in the world, and that I was living my best life, being beside all the people I cared about, with friends I could trust. I didn’t realize until later that I completely forgot about you in the process, the best friend I left behind, who mattered maybe even more to me than I thought. I never meant to forget you, and I never meant to hurt you.”

He began to get nervous, losing the cocky persona he developed over the years completely, turning downtrodden and forcing out a final “I hope you can forgive me.”

Then he went quiet.

“….I never hated you, y’know,” you began, finally responding, “I never once despised you for leaving without me. I knew you’d come back someday, when I heard a lion took off from the desert that day, I just didn’t know when.”

You kept going, “If anything, I hated myself sometimes, for being selfish and wanting you to come back sooner, or blaming you in my mind for not taking me with you. It always felt unfair to me, that I was stuck here in a constant cycle of boring life, while you were out patrolling the universe, fighting Galra and going on cool missions-”

“-and nearly dying, like, 50 times!” Lance interrupted.

“….and nearly dying 50 times, yes.”

The sun was nearly gone now, disappearing quickly before you, clocking the time you’d been outside conversing in the summer heat—the pale moon climbing the sky behind you.

The stars shone ever-brighter, and the breeze had settled down, the grass at your feet stamped in and no longer swaying, and the crickets in the field were chirping, with the cows grazing in the meadow below, almost ready to head in for the night.

“I’m jealous Lance. And frustrated. But I never spoke a word of anything to you, because I loved you too much to bother you with any more problems than you already had. Nothings your fault, I was only emotional, and I have no disrespect for any of your friends or partners, including Allura. I only wish that you could’ve been happier.”

Ending your rant, you faced Lance again and shrugged, acting nonchalant, like nothing you said mattered at the moment. But he knew that whatever he said next would make a large impact on you.

“You loved me?”

You relaxed a little, “Still do Lance, never stopped even after you left. But, you came back with a space alien girlfriend, I knew I had to let you go.”

Allura was the light of his life, and he was the happiest you’d ever seen him in the weeks before her death. If she hadn’t needed to make a sacrifice, they would’ve probably grown old and had a life together, a family too, and he would have become the Altean King, with you far out of the picture. The little markings on the ridge of his cheekbones still detailed just how loving of a relationship the two were in. Even after her passing, you wouldn’t make a move when Lance only thought of you as a friend.

Both yourself and Lance were gazing at the sky now, completely silent, and yet there was an underlying comfort in the stillness, one which permeated through the air around you and invited a conversation to be had. Lance seemed to wish to speak in order to break it, scratching at the markings whilst trying to find the words to talk to you.

“Oh quiznak, words are too hard!”

Lance reaches across the trough to grasp the hand you’re using to stable yourself on the ledge, bringing it up to the space between the two of you and wearing the most serious expression you’ve ever seen on his face.

“When I was in third grade, I ran into a small child in the hallway and accidentally spilled their thermos of soup all over the floor. That tiny [H/c] kid became my desk-mate for all of third and fourth grade, and I remember having to give them my baloney sandwich because they wouldn’t stop crying till I did. In fifth grade, that same kid switched our lunchboxes because I had the better pizza pops, and in sixth grade, while taking a math test, they threw up all over the floor and I laughed like crazy; ended up going with them to the office because the teacher ‘didn’t like my attitude’. In seventh grade, I went to their birthday party and popped all the balloons, I stole half the cake and made off with three goodie bags before anyone could catch me. In eighth grade we became friends, and played pranks together on the other students during April fools, tipped an outhouse, and did each others homework because we both sucked at school. When I was in ninth grade, I gave them a Burger King crown and told them they ruled my world…. I know you know who I’m talking about.”

You began laughing the hardest you had in years, looking back on all the memories you and Lance had built up over the years, times when neither of you knew what would happen, and had big dreams and hopes for the future. The future had turned out to be far different from what both of you had expected.

“To be fair Lance, you were the one who threw up during that math test, not me. You cried for your mom all the way through the school and passed out on a couch in the lobby.”

“Shut up [Y/n], I’m attempting to be sentimental!”

When the laughter died down, and the world was quiet again, you gazed down at the entwined hands that rested between you two, and lazily swung them back and forth to see if he’d let go. When he didn’t, you smiled a bit,

“So what, this means your willing to try? To move on from Allura just like that? Forget everything you had with her and stick with me for awhile?”

He smiled brightly at you, as bright as the sun that could barely be seen, the final slivers fading away over the prairie.

“Allura’s not entirely gone,” he taps his markings, “these babies are a constant reminder of that. I’ll never forget the happiness she gave me, but I don’t want to keep dwelling on the fact that she’s gone. You’re here with me, more than anything, and I hope that we could stay this way for as long as we can.”

“I’d like that.”

It’s far too late to keep outside you realize, and the night brings with it a chilling cold that practically freezes your clothes to your skin, and tinges the air with frost. The fall season is coming, and summer is nearly over, and with it comes the colourful leaves, and the frosted grass, and the wilting flowers. You stand up, dragging Lance with you, and dust off the seat of your pants, preparing to head inside to bed.

Now the darkness has settled, the sun is gone. You take your hands and guide Lance around the house to the doorway. The door creaks open and shuts behind the two of you, and as you say your goodnights, you head off to your room. And as the glow of the moon enters through your window, enshrouding the walls in a pale light, you lay there and ponder.

Truly, you hope that you can spend many more days with Lance down in the fields, and with the cows and the tall grass, and out in the apple orchard, where the two of you will lie, down in the top soil, under the sun.

———————————————————————

BONUS:

“[Y/n], know that you’ll always be my Burger Queen.”

“Lance please. Shut the fu*k up.”

��——————————————————————

✨ Hope you enjoyed ✨

[cosmic-has-moved]

Long Lost Kin - Chapter 4 - Teen Years

Link to Ao3 version: [HERE]

It had been a while since Dion was exposed to the truth, his reaction being better than Alcina had expected and she planned on telling Mother Miranda about it to avoid more drama.

 She gave him the space he wanted and did tell the girls to do the same, but she has seen them sneak in and out of his room most nights, their expressions always the same, worry.

 He would still come to dinner, but he would distant himself and avoid social interaction.

 One night she decided to catch one of them and ask them how he was doing, the next one to visit him being Daniela. She stopped her daughter after she walked out and asked her how Dion was doing, she was honest and said that he seems distant compared to how he was a month ago.

 “A month ago?” Her mother questioned, that was way before the talk.

 Daniela looked at her almost hesitant to answer but still did, “One night I snuck into his room to see Voe. I saw him curled under the sheet, it sounded like he was crying but wanted to be quiet about it.” She rubbed the back of her neck and looked away. “I didn’t want to scare him, so I left.”

 The sudden revelation she got made her feel a deep sense of guilt. Of course he’s still mourning, how could she be so stupid to think he was over it. And even worse she unknowingly gave him more unneeded baggage, this needed to be fixed.

 She thanked her daughter for the information and made her way to her bedroom.

 Collecting what she needed from her room and walking back out, holding a pillow and thick blanket. Alcina didn’t even knock on Dion’s door as she walked in and closed the door, she walked over the side of his bed where he rested and laid down on the floor with her bedding. Her head resting on her fluffy pillow on the carpeted ground while her blanket covered her body, she didn’t even bother changing to her sleepwear.

 The Mistress laid there for what felt like hours before Dion made a move, sliding his hand out from under the sheet and letting it dangle near Alcina’s. Slowly she lifted her hand up and held his, she never too into account how tiny and rough his hands were.

 “Get on up here, carpet isn’t comfy.” He said tugging on her hand. “It may be awkward, but I know you won’t leave even if I ask.”

 The woman smiled softly before getting up and getting on the other side of the bed, keeping a fair distance between the two, if you count a couple of centimeters as a fair distance.

 …

 It was very awkward and Alcina’s feet dangling off the end of the bed didn’t help.

 “I’m not mad at you or anyone.” Dion said quietly, making Alcina sigh internally in relief. “It’s just taking my brain some time to fully wrap around the info dump you gave me.” He rolled over on his back and looked up at the ceiling before sighing heavily.

 Miss Dimitrescu nodded at him and crossed her arms. “Would talking help break the tension? I can tell you about neat little information about us, like our powers, weaknesses, anything I know.”

 He stayed quiet for a few minutes before finally responding, agreeing to the offer. So she did, she told him about the abilities given to her and the others by the cadou, but also the weaknesses from it. During the conversation, Alcina noticed that Dion looked at her in great interest.

 “Wait.” He butted in, “If this cadou can do these things, why hasn’t Mother Miranda shared it to scientist? That kind of thing could be great with helping people in need.” He asked almost in an angry tone.

 “She’s.” The Mistress sighed, “It’s complicated, but I am sure she has her reasons.”

 Dion just squinted his eyes at her before shaking his head and rests his arm over his eyes. “Christ, this is something right out of a fictional book.” He said before quietly chuckling followed with Alcina chuckling along.

 Patting his head while smiling, she jokingly said “Sometimes fact seems more fiction than it should, it’s almost funny the more you think about it.”

 The teen groaned “Please at least tell me you can breathe fire?”

 That question caused Alcina to cackle before answering, “Sadly no.” She laughed more as he groaned loudly in disappointment.

 “Now let me explain my daughters.” She added, Dion looking at her in disbelief before slowly frowning upon a small realization and laying his head back down.

 Alcina than went on to explain how she got her daughters and the cadou process for them, going into great detail on how their abilities work and what harms them. Dion’s posture changing to a more comfortable one while listening, his expression changing from that of interest to suspicion.

 “And that’s practically it. Other than being able to change what species of bugs they can turn into, that’s it.” She explained before looking back at Dion, frowning at his expression.

 “Your daughters have been using my likeness for bugs to get extra lovely treatment.” Was all he muttered before his Aunt burst out into cackling laughter at his revelation.

 “They have their ways of getting more cozy treatment.” Alcina explained while wiping a tear from her eye. “Besides that, how are you feeling?”

 Dion looked up at the ceiling with a neutral face. “If I have to be honest, a bit better after you talked more about it. Still iffy on Mother Miranda, but if you trust her, than I guess so can I.”

 Satisfied with the answer, she looked up at the ceiling. “Well I’m glad, Dion. I don’t want you to feel unsafe here.”

 “Well with you and your bug encyclopedia daughters, I’m pretty safe.” He said laughing with his Aunt joining along.

 The Mistress left his room and was glad to see her little cousin less tense than before, now all she had to do was make sure he fully mourns.

 ___

 After that night and the morning came around, the tension around the air had lifted a bit and the casual chats with Dion returned.

 The girls weren’t too happy about being outed by their mother about their little trick with Dion, but he mentioned that he didn’t mind it. He still played with them in their bugs forms and even took them out on food trips during the very cold days, they only had to stay snuggled up in his flannel jacket.

 He even found out that they can safely separate their limbs when returning to their human form, granted he learnt the hard way when he saw a lone hand gripping onto his hoodie. The daughters of course got scolded for doing that to him, even if they didn’t mean to scare him.

 Among other things after that, Dion had decided that he’ll spend some time with the other lords when he can, mostly spending more with Miss Beneviento, The Mistress did wonder if it was because they had a lot in common or if her cousin secretly had a crush. Well at least if they enjoyed each others company, everything was alright.

 As for Mother Miranda, Alcina had informed her via phone about the situation and the Priestess almost sounded disappointed, but still thanked Miss Dimitrescu for the information before ending the call. Well at least she didn’t have to worry about Dion getting taken by her now.

 But one of the best things to have happened, happened recently.

 While Alcina held little Voe as Dion cleaned her tank, the snake began nibbling on the Mistress’s thumb. She asked Dion about it and he informed her that that is how she tells someone she deeply trust them, Alcina was too prideful to admit that she was ecstatically happy to know that.

 Even the daughters got the nibble treatment from the snake, Daniela being loudly proud about the achievement.

 ___

 Crouching down to enter the young boy’s room, the Mistress entered and saw Dion furiously putting clothes in a suitcase. This worried her instantly.

 “What are you packing for?” She asked as he grabbed his axe and shoved it in the bag.

 “My father’s workers called me over back to Russia over company ownership, because the new owner that my father had look after the place, had died from alcohol poisoning.” Zipping up his bag, Dion opened up his desk drawer and rifled through it. “They need me over there to confirm who the new owner is by me signing some papers.”

 This caused the woman to frown, surely that should’ve been done over phone. But other than that, this worried her even more. “So you have to go back to Russia?” She asked softly with sadness in her voice, hoping he wasn’t staying there.

 “Only until everything is sorted out.” He said before getting out his passport and stuffing it in his bag. “I’m terribly sorry for the sudden leave, I just found this out this morning and they wanted me there yesterday.”

 She grabbed his shoulder “When will you be back?”

 “Hopefully in two days or less, it depends because of how tight the security is over there.” He answered before grabbing his packed things and walking over to Voe’s tank. “Voe’s feeding is tomorrow, so can one of you feed her.”

 He patted his pet a few times before closing the tank and walking back over to his Aunt. “Of course, I already know where you keep her food.” Alcina said before watching him leave his room, her closely following him. “Will you be alright, flying on your own?”

 They both walked down stairs, Dion reassuring her and also reminding her that it wasn’t his first flight alone. Miss Dimitrescu still felt concerned, but knew he would be alright.

 After wishing him luck and farewell, she watched him leave the castle.

 He’ll be fine on his own.

 ___

 It’s only been nine hours since Dion left, he had called her an hour earlier to tell her that he had landed, she was glad that he had thought to call her.

 Alcina sat at her office peacefully doing her work, only stopping to take a sip of her wine. But a knock at the door had caused her to stop and call in the knocker, it was Cassandra.

 The second eldest child walked in with an annoyed expression on her face, this wasn’t good at all.

 “Mother, have you seen Daniela?” She asked before crossing her arms and moved her hip to one side. “It’s her turn to pick a movie and we can’t find her anywhere.”

 Frowning, her mother spoke. “Not even in Voe’s tank? Or even in the upper part of the castle attic?” She asked, Cassandra shaking her head. “She better not be outside again.” She said before her office phone started to ring, her picking it up to see who would be calling.

 “Hello?”

 “Hi.” To Alcina’s surprise, it was Dion. But he sounded exhausted.

 “Dion, is everything alright? How did the signing go?”

 “I just arrived at a hotel… With company.”

 “Heeeeeeeeyy.” Said an awfully familiar voice, that that only belonged to a certain red haired lady.

 Sweet fucking Jesus, Daniela snuck in to join Dion’s trip.

 Without even getting more air in her lung, Mistress Dimitrescu shouted.

 “DAAAAAAANNIEEEEEELLLLLAAAAAAAA!”

 It took a while as Alcina scolded her younger child over the phone, Cassandra and possibly Dion trying their best to hold in their laughter.

 “And when you get back home, you are grounded and will be cleaning the bathrooms!” She yelled as she slammed her hand on the table, interrupting Daniela’s stuttering. “And no buts! You know how dangerous it is for you to do that and you still did it!”

 Beep!

 Looking at her phone is disbelief, Alcina could barely get out a proper sentence before finally getting one out.

 “SHE HUNG UP ON ME?!”

 The phone rang again and she immediately answered, hearing Dion at the other end with Daniela apologizing in the background.

 “Daniela panicked and hung up.”

 Letting out a long sigh and exhaling deeply, Alcina spoke calmly. “Will you be alright with her while you’re there? I honestly wouldn’t blame you if you put her in a jar and sending her over here.”

 “Everything will be fine, she’s already made herself home.” There was a loud crash and Dion sighed. “She found the food menu…”

 “Can I get some ribs?!” Daniela asked excitedly in the back. “I have no idea what any of this says and I only recognize the word steak and kill!”

 Another sigh came from the poor teen, Alcina felt his pain. “Do you have anything that’ll… Sedate her?”

 “Purchase sleeping pills and sneak them in her food or drinks. If that doesn’t work, a TV mostly definitely will.” She quickly answered.

 “Thank you, Aunty. I’ll see you soon.” He said before hanging up.

 “So.” Cassandra spoke as her mother lowered the phone receiver. “We’re free of Daniela for a few days?” She said with a smirk as Alcina glared at her.

 “Only until Dion gets back, and you better not do anything to her stuff.” She crossed her arms. “I barely heard the end of it a while ago when you and Bela went through her room.”

 After letting out a long groan, the brunette nodded before leaving the room.

 Having sometime to collect herself, Miss Dimitrescu went back to work and prayed for Dion, he would need it when it comes to Daniela.

 ___

 Just as Dion left for the business trip, he was back two days later before they knew it. Granted he was carrying a rugged up Daniela on his back and seemed exhausted, but overall he was in one piece. He even brought a bag of gifts for them, most of them were candy but they still loved it.

 After prying the girl off of his back and leaving her on her bed, Dion explained how everything was sorted and other events that happened while they were there. They even stopped by the markets after the flight before heading home.

 While Daniela was well behaved and stayed clear of extremely cold weathers, she did have moments where she nearly got them kicked out and even nearly ate one of the hotel workers. She also loved to eat blue rare steak and nougat chocolate, so there was that.

 “So she just stayed in the room while you were gone?” Alcina asked while walking with him to his room, already dreading the damage her daughter had done.

 “Not really.” He answered as he placed his luggage on his bed. “She wanted to see around the city and I didn’t want to risk her harming someone, so I brought her some thick winter clothes and walked her around.” He chuckled. “I did take her to an old arcade I knew and we had a blast, she’s weirdly good at ball throw games.”

 Sighing in relief after hearing that her daughter hadn’t done anything too bad, the Mistress sat on his bed as he put his things away. “Well I’m glad you two are alright, even if her company was unexpected.”

 Dion laughed as he got Voe out of her tank and cuddled her, “I wouldn’t have caught her if

she hadn’t tried to use the shower.” He sat next to his Aunt and let his pet rest around his shoulders. “Do your daughters do that often?”

 “Too often.” Alcina answered with a groan. “But it can have it’s perks, especially when lycans are out during their hunt.”

 The young boy nodded and looked at Voe. “I’ve never seen a lycan before, what do they look like?”

 A smirk formed on the woman’s face, “Well they’re usually more sighted in the forest between Miss Beneviento and Heisenberg’s home, only ever come out when necessary.” She crossed her legs and tilted her head. “how about we go visit them tomorrow? They know not to go near me.”

 Dion’s face lit up and he smiled. “If that’s okay with you, than let’s go see some lycans.”

 Happy with the answer, Alcina nodded and made a mental note of tomorrows plans.

 ___

 Just as promised, the Mistress took Dion out late at night the next day. She made sure that he was prepped with his rifle, just in case the beast tried to do something they shouldn’t.

 She had to be honest, she was worried for his safety. But with his promising hunting skills, he may be alright.

 The walk over to their hunting grounds was quiet and peaceful, only ever hearing the sounds of distant running, that was a sign of their presence.

 She halted and held her arm out in front of Dion to stop him, the faint sound of growling now clear and closer. They’re here.

 “I mean no harm, just came to show you off to someone.” The Mistress said loudly, eyeing the glowing eyes between the trees. “You know the rules.”

 The teenager shuffled back a bit, readying himself as a few of the lycans crawled out from behind the trees. Alcina could sense the fear emanating from him, she couldn’t really blame him for that.

 The furry beast snarled at the Countess and circled the two, they were hesitant to attack but still wanted to seem fearless. They were familiar with the tall lady, but not the teen, they wanted to get a closer look.

 As soon as one got too close for comfort, Alcina got her claws out and glared a golden stare that caused them to back away.

 Dion tilted his head and frowned after getting a good look at them, all fear vanishing from him. “They’re less scary in person.” He said, breaking the suspension and making Alcina chuckle as a few lycans whined.

 “The darkness makes them more scary.” She added as her claws retracted and a smirk grew on her face, to the animals dismay.

 Crossing his arms and squinting his eyes, he moved his head back up. “They’re cool, yes. But look more like house puppies. He shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe I’m just a snake person.”

 The lycans just stared at Dion before all huffing and going back, the motion causing the two brunettes to burst into laughter. Dion doing his best to say his apology to the wolves, even if they waved him off.

 “Well.” Alcina wiped a tear from her eye. “That turned out better than expected, even if we did just insult them.”

 “I honestly expected them to look like a fluffy version of a raptor, but I just got classic werewolves.” He said after calming himself from the laughing fit. “Do they turn others with a bite or scratch or?” He looked at her questioning.

 She shook her head, “No, they usually turn others by either giving blood or Mother Miranda helping them turn someone through.” She averted her gaze and cleared her throat. “Other methods.”

 It didn’t take long for the teen to realize what she meant, he squinted his eyes and looked at her in utter disgust. “Really? Like that?”

 She nodded. “Yes.”

 Rubbing his face and groaning, Dion sighed. “Well at least the blood transfer makes sense.”

 The Mistress chuckled and patted his back, “Well now you you.” She turned and walked with him. “Now lets head back home, we’re having dinner soon.” She smiled warmly as he excitedly followed her.

 Several minutes had gone by and the two got to the forest near the castle, Dion spoke up to break the silence. “Earlier, your nails.” The two of them looked at each other. “Is that one of your abilities? I’ve never seen it until now.”

 Smiling and lifting her hand up a but, Alcina smirked as her claw came out. “These? They are part of the mutation, it’s quite nifty to had.” She retracted them and rubbed her palm. “Though I did have trouble controlling them when I first got them, but Miss Beneviento helped me with that.” She said while moving her gaze away from him, almost embarrassed. But Dion chose not to probe as for why.

 “Well that was nice of her to do. Are you two close?” He asked, curious of their relationship.

 Going back to her normal expression, she cupped her chin in thought. “Well she is someone I do respect and she is comfortable enough with me to show her face to me, so I guess we are pretty close.” She lowered her arms and looked at him. “We’re both women of high standards and when you’re surrounded by ruffians like Heisenberg, we try our best to support each other.”

 Dion laughed followed with his Aunt laughing along. But their laughter was cut short as the teen stopped and grabbed his rifle, even Alcina could feel an unwanted presence near them and it sure as hell wasn’t the lycans.

 Getting her claws out and glancing around, she yelled out. “Show yourself!”

 Only silence responded to her.

 Until an arrow came flying out from one of the tree branches and nearly hitting Dion’s foot, before Dion himself back away and swiftly aiming his gun where the shot came from. He didn’t even hesitate as he shot the tree branch and watched as the shooter fell from the tree and hit the ground with a thud and groan, glancing at Alcina as clawed at the incoming bullets.

 “These damn hunters!” She growled as a group of hunters came out and began shooting more ammo at her. Moving in front of Dion to shield him, did they not care that a child was with her?

 “You all just refuse to listen, don’t you?!” She snarled at them, pissed off that these hunters still have yet to learn that they can’t stand a chance against her. “And you dare try to bring harm to a child!?”

 An older guy, most likely their leader, ordered the others to keep shooting as he got out a hunters knife and poured some sort of liquid on it. The smell of it confirmed that it was poison.

 After giving the signal to his men to stop shooting, he bolted to the Countess with a battle cry.

 Preparing herself to swipe, she was shocked to see Dion pull her back behind him and swiftly shoot the elder man above the throat, blood splattering in the cold air. The other hunters immediately running after hearing the bang, but Alcina’s claw put a stop to them quickly.

 After killing the men and cursing herself for letting one escape, she went to check up on Dion. The old man had collapsed on top of the teen and she kicked him of her cousin, her eyes widening upon seeing the blade diagonally deep into Dion’s stomach.

 He groaned in pain and used his elbows to sit up, completely unaware of the wound. “The hell was that?” He asked before shaking his head and looking over at the body, his face going pale upon seeing what he had done. “Did I…”

 He yelped in pain as Alcina picked him up in her arms and ran, only than did he see the blade handle sticking out of his stomach. He still had yet to process that he had killed someone, now he had to process this!

 Through ragged breathing, Alcina stammered out reassurance and making sure he didn’t lose any dangerous amounts of blood. “I know what kind of poison the blade had and already have antidotes for it!” She said as she ran close to the castle and kicked the door wide open.

 The colour from Dion’s face was slowly vanishing as he seemed to get weaker and weaker, even coughing up blood. He didn’t even react when the maidens were quick to assist his wounds and rest him on an infirmary bed.

 His Aunts shouts were getting more muffled as the anesthesia that was given to him slowly knocked him out.

 Miss Dimitrescu paced back and forth as the servants worked on Dion’s wound. Only snapping out of it when her daughters swarmed over to their mother, in great worry at the sight of Dion’s blood on her dress. She didn’t even notice the blood.

 The three demanded to know what had happened, in which their mother hesitantly told them of the attack from the hunters. The girls were quick to be furious, but they couldn’t do anything that wasn’t already done.

 All the four could do was wait.

 ___

 It felt like hours since Dion was put into the infirmary, but one of the maidens had walked out and informed the Mistress about the young man’s condition.

 The medicine they gave him had worked flawlessly, but he would most likely get a nasty scar. All that mattered though was that he was okay, he was alive.

 The girls didn’t hesitate to barge into the room to check up on him, Alcina following behind them.

 There on the bed laid Dion, he was still unconscious but his breathing was normal. The girls nearly laid on him but their mother was quick to stop that, mentioning that he had a stomach wound. They were sad but understanding.

 Alcina looked over at the container that held the weapon and gritted her teeth, the poison they had used to coat it was similar to the death flower daggers’. It seems they’re getting closer to figuring out what kills her, and it nearly costed a childs’ life.

 Though that did bring a thought into her mind. Since they’re blood related, would he possibly have the disease?

 The idea shook her, she knew the symptoms and how painful they were. He shouldn’t go through something like that, he may have high pain tolerance but it’ll still hurt.

 “Mother!”

 Bela’s voice brought her back to reality and she looked over at her daughter, Dion was stirring awake already.

 His eyes squinted open but closed again as he groaned, going to sit up.

 “Oh no you don’t.” Alcina said as she gently laid him down. “You are way too early to be awake, little one.” She ignored his muffled protest and tucked him in.

 “You sir, are injured and was poisoned.” She sat down on a chair next to his bed as he huffed. “All you need to do is rest.”

 “Mother’s right.” Daniela said with sad expression. “You could’ve died.” She rested her head on his knees.

 “I really don’t” He managed to get out through sloughed words before passing out again, that didn’t take much for him to go back to sleep.

 Letting out a sigh and laying back in her seat, the Mistress dismissed her daughters off to their rooms and to let Dion rest. Watching as they begrudgingly obeyed their mother, Alcina remained in her position, keeping an eye on Dion as her slept peacefully. It’s not as if she needed any sleep, she didn’t mind.

 ___

 As the light of the new morning light seeped in through the windows of the castle, the maiden workers of the castle began doing their duties.

 Mistress Dimitrescu rested on the same chair next to where Dion was resting, her arms crossed and her head tilted on her shoulder, her hat long fallen off of her head.

 It wasn’t until a maiden came in to give mister Baros fresh bandages that she woke, slightly ashamed that she fell asleep so easily as she put her hat back on.

 She let the servant do her job of patching her cousin up and giving him his medication, Alcina got a good look at the wound and noticed no eye catching changes to it.

 The maid left after finishing with Dion’s wounds and medicine, leaving Alcina alone with the boy. He looked so peaceful when sleeping, she couldn’t help but smile when looking at him.

 She had thought of staying there for a while more, but needed to do a few things, one of them including changing her clothes. So she got up of her chair and gently stroked Dion’s hair before leaving the room.

 Lady Dimitrescu had informed her daughters on Dion’s condition first, both of them happy to know that he’s doing alright, before she went into her room to change clothing and to her office to begin her work.

 While scribbling onto many pieces of paper, her dial phone suddenly rang. Stopping her work and picking up the receiver, she answered.

 The caller was Miss Beneviento, or really just Angie talking for her. The doll had asked about Dion since he hadn’t answered Donna’s phone call and was worried, Alcina was honest since she saw no reason to lie.

 The doll repeated what the Mistress to the dollmaker, Angie making sure to add the fact that he was poisoned. Alcina mentally sighing at the doll knowing full well that’ll worry the poor woman.

 “That’s all!” The doll squeaked out before hanging up. Well at least the call was short, she could now go back to her paper work.

 “Mother!”

 Never mind.

 The Mistress stopped what she was doing and watched her eldest daughter walk into her office, a happy expression on her face and a photo album?

 “Mother, look what I found in Dion’s belongings!” Bela exclaimed as she swarmed to her mother and opened the book next to her. “It’s photos of Dion when he was little.”

 Oh work can surely wait.

 “Give it here.” Alcina said as she eagerly took the book from her child and went through it.

 A lot of the photos seemed to have been taken by the uncle, only three of them by his parents. The ones with his uncle showed how happy and full of life Dion was, even if his little baby hands was hugging a live alligator head.

 But the only thing that caught her eyes was how cute baby Dion was, he was such a chubby baby with thick locks of hair and adorable beady-eyes. Those were definitely being kept on her desk.

 “I even found an unopened letter with his name on it.” Cassandra mentioned as she placed said letter in front of her mother. “It’s even seal with a fancy wax stamp.”

 Picking up the envelope and examining it, the seal design gave the Mistress chills. It was the Dimitrescu old family crest, a dragon holding a shield with two swords crossed behind it.

 The design of the crest was changed to the current one due to her mother changing it after father left with it’s rights to it, and Mother Miranda having control of the designs. Now that she thought about it, her scumbag of a father most likely passed down the original crest to the other family, that was the only reasonable outcome.

 Glancing away at the symbol she read the small letters below it, it read:

 “To my little cub, Dion.

 Open this letter once you feel you are ready to.

 Sincerely, Your Uncle Gios.”

 Alcina slowly placed the letter down, thinking of opening the letter, but chose not to for reasons that it’s only for Dion and Dion only to open.

 “Thank you, Cassandra. But please don’t go through his stuff again.” Alcina said before closing the photo album, her daughter huffing in annoyance before nodding her head and leave the room.

 As she left, the Mistress looked at the envelope again. A smirk on her face.

 “Little cub?” She mumbled before letting out a small chuckle. “How cute. Might nickname him that for now on.”

 ___

 Finishing her work for the day and stretching her body, Lady Dimitrescu walked out of her office to go check up on Dion.

 As she arrived at the infirmary she was surprised to see that he already had company with him, Donna Beneviento being said company.

 The woman sat next to the now conscious boy, who was eagerly eating a plate of food with meat, creamy soup and bread rolls.

 Donna looked over at the Mistress and waved at her, before getting up off the chair and

walking over to her.

 “I wasn’t made aware of your visit, Miss Beneviento.” Alcina said while crossing her arms. “You must’ve been worried about him.”

 Donna lowered her head a bit before moving her hands to sign. “I enjoy his company and he’s a wonderful person, so I wanted to visit him to see how he was holding up.” She looked over at the teenager and continued. “He seems to be doing alright.”

 Alcina chuckled, “I understand your worry, Donna. But the nurse said he’ll be fine, only getting a scar out of it.” She said before walking over to him and sitting down on the chair. “He just needs to rest here until his wound is healed.”

 Dion frowned at his Aunt as he swallowed his food, “I’m right here and awake, ya know.” The two women laughed softly as he drank his cup of milk. “And I’m feeling fine to walk around.”

 That instantly stopped Alcina’s laugh and caused her to glare at him, “Oh no you aren't, you’re going to have to go easy as to make sure your organs don’t spill out.” She brushed off Dion’s annoyed protest. “And I will strap you down to this bed if I have to.”

 Letting out a huff and continuing eating, Dion spoke up. “Okay fine, I’ll stay. But don’t expect me to have fun.”

 Donna Sat on the side of the bed and placed her hands on her lap, speaking softly to him. The Mistress noticing a slight blush on the teens’ face. “Don’t worry, the faster you can heal, the quicker you can get out of here.” She said, Dion smiling and nodding at her.

 Alcina blinked in quiet shock at Donna’s sudden voice, she’s heard her speak a few times but never in front of more than one person. She honestly felt happy that Lady Beneviento was comfortable around Dion to freely speak to him.

 Watching him finish his food and licking the plate clean, Miss Dimitrescu spoke. “I would’ve given you dinner last night, but the blade had cut your stomach and it needed to heal a bit first.” She tilted her head. “And judging by the fact that you’re not in pain, it appears that the nurse did a fantastic job.”

 Dion gave her a thumbs up while gulping down his drink, before placing the cup down and licking his lips. “My body healing process is fast, so my stomach will be a-okay.” He said getting a laugh out of his Aunt.

 “Whatever you say, little one.” She ruffled up his hair. “Now rest up, I’ll get one of the maidens to take care of you. If you need something, just ask them and they’ll get it for you.”

 He nodded and watched as she grabbed his plate before leaving the room with Donna, who wish him well.

 As they left the room, Alcina thought it would be relaxing to start a conversation with the small woman.

 “I’ve noticed how close you two have gotten, it’s good to see that.”

 Donna lowered her head and softly spoke while signing. “Like I said, he’s good company and we have similar taste”

 Alcina smirked, “I think he has a little teenage crush on you.” She held in her giggle as Donna stopped in her tracks and looked up at the tall woman, even with her veil Alcina could still see the panicked shocked expression.

 “Oh no, that won’t do. I don’t want to break his heart for refusing.” She stuttered out, causing Alcina to no longer hold in the giggle. “I’m an adult and he’s a child, that will surely not be right.”

 “Calm down, Miss Beneviento.” The Mistress patted Donna’s back. “It’s just a teenage crush, he’ll get over it when he’s older.”

 “Still.” The dollmaker lowered her head. “I never took crushes into account. I hope he’ll understand when I have to refuse him.”

 Rolling her eyes and crossing her arms, Alcina smirked again. “Just say you’re with me, I’ll even back you up.” A sudden hit from the short woman made Miss Dimitrescu snicker. “Oh come on, like you haven’t forgotten the time you helped me with my.” She moved the veil away from Donna’s face and pressed her thumbs against her lips. “Claws.”

 All Donna could do was stare at the tall lady flustered, before moving her hand away and walking off. “That was years ago, my feelings long gone and changed.” She stopped and looked back at the Countess. “It was fun, but you know why we couldn’t stay like that.” She turned her head back. “I don’t want to be hurt again.”

 Alcina looked at her with a saddened expression, “Times have changed, Donna. Don’t be afraid.” Was what she could say to Lady Beneviento before she left.

 The Lady sighed to herself and rubbed the bridge of her nose, “I forgot about her past relationships…” She shook her head after mentally kicking herself and walked off. Making sure to get a maiden to keep an eye on Dion.

[zodiyack]

Oh, And One More Thing

Requested by anon: Cameron Frye x reader (not together yet) where the reader, Sloan, Ferris, and Cameron go skipping school to a cool lake and swim for like hours and have fun and then compete at foosball and stuff at an arcade and they end up kissing in the car before he drops her off?

Pairing: Cameron Frye x Female!reader

Warnings: Ittie bit o swearing, fluff, Ferris being Ferris yet again, small teen angst if you squint, small changes of FBDO’s storyline (see 2nd note), iffy writing w/ no proofreading

Note: tbch, I got the title from Sucker Punch and I’m not sorry. Also pushing-docks are amazing and so much fun, just make sure to be careful, watch your limbs (that can get stuck between the wood of the dock), and be 100% sure that you know how to swim! Anyways, I hope you liked it, anon!

YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ THIS PART, IT’S JUST ABOUT THE STORYLINE!

To change it, this is before FBDO takes place. They still steal the Ferrari & I know it doesn’t make sense but Ferris and Sloane’s kiss scene still happens-, but they get it back without Mr. Frye knowing they took it, all he notices is that something’s iffy. When FBDO happens, Cameron has his cannon reaction, but unlike the movie, it’s ‘cause his dad is already suspicious as it is, so it works out in the end 😅

Key: Bold sentences in quotations = Ferris’ voice over/breaking of le fourth wall 

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace​

Just for this post: @applecakeradio​

Masterlist

The car halted to a stop, Cameron hidden uncomfortably while he waited for Ferris to collect the two girls. Of course him and Sloane caused a small scene with their kissing. Y/n sat in a spot where she could ask Cam if he was okay without anyone who might be outside seeing, a smile gracing her face when he responded, “Not really, but I’m doing better now that you’re here.”

Finally, Ferris started the car and sped off, allowing Cameron to sit up and get comfortable for once. Y/n waited for him to move the cover before she moved next to him and away from the couple, giggling at the expression he made.

“Don’t do that, it’s dangerous.”

“Says the guy who stole his father’s Ferrari.” She teased.

“Actually, Ferris took it. I tried to stop him, I really did but-”

“Cam, it’s okay, I’m kidding.” Her laugh made his smile return. A couple more chuckles later, Sloane and Ferris were laughing as well. “Though he has a point Ferris. Anything happens, Cameron, or even you, is going to be dead.”

“Wow, thank you Y/n, I feel so much better now. Knowing my dad’ll kill me makes me jump with joy- ow!” Y/n punched Cameron’s shoulder lightly, interrupting his sarcastic comment. She turned to face him, feigning an angered expression. They held eye contact for just a few seconds before they erupted into giggles yet again.

“We’re here!” Ferris pulled over and helped Sloane out the car. Y/n got out on her own, then turned towards the car, reaching her hand out for Cameron to take.

“You’re such a gentlemen.”

“Thank you, Frye, I take my duties seriously.” She smiled before she skipped off to join Sloane.

The girls returned in bathing suits, jumping into the water and swimming around a tiny bit. The lake cooled them off in the overwhelming heat; summer was around the corner. They swam to the small dock, climbing on top of it and resting peacefully in the sun. A little too peacefully for the boys’ taste.

They exchanged glances, swimming to the dock, sitting a few seconds, then getting up and jumping. They hit the water hard. 

Both girls were now soaked head to toe, their hair and skin, previously dried from the sun’s warming caresses, were now drenched. Cameron and Ferris were too busy laughing to realize that this was now the start of a war. Y/n stood up, mock sadness covering her once joyful face. Her shivering was genuine, like Sloane’s, bodies warmed from the sun now freezing with the lake water.

“Shit, Y/n, I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to make up for it?”

“Cameron! Don’t apologize! It was fun!”

“Shut up Ferris.” Y/n and Cameron spoke in unison.

“Anyways, yes, Cam, there is...” Her smile returned, but smaller than before.

“I’ll do anything! What is it?”

“Well it’s more something I can do, but same result, ya know?” He gave her a confused glance before he tumbled backwards into the water. Y/n laughed victoriously, Sloane joining in after she shoved Ferris into the water while he was distracted, laughing at Cameron’s surprised face and flailing arms.

She sat down on the edge, smiling mischievously. “Sorry, you guys were just looking rather hot, thought you could use something to cool you down.”

“So you think we’re hot, huh Y/n?” Ferris cackled harder when Y/n kicked water at his face. Cameron took the opportunity to get a hit in for his side of the war, ducking under water while Y/n and Sloane conversed with Ferris, quips left and right, laughter here and there.

Y/n’s shriek of surprise was loud and echoed throughout the lake as she was dragged into the water by her foot. Cameron came up first, wiping the water off his face and eyes with a cheeky smile. Y/n surfaced next, coughing out water and climbing back onto the dock.

“You’re not getting out of this one, Frye.”

Sloane and Ferris teased the boy, adding to Y/n’s threat-like-comment with the infamous “oooooo” and chuckles.

“Oh shut it” he shook his head, getting back on the dock with Y/n and hugging her apologetically. She should’ve seen it coming. Y/n hugged Cam back, then attempted to have her revenge on his second attack, shoving him into the water.

She dropped with him, splashing into the water next to him. He let go of her and climbed up the dock a third time, reaching his hand out to help Y/n back up. Y/n swam away from him with a laugh, “No, I’m not trusting you.”

“Y/n, have you really forgotten how hugs work?” Ferris chaffed, “Don’t worry, the grown ups can remind you. See, one person’s arms wrap around the other for a hug, usually the other person wraps their arms around the first person as well. So when Cameron here hugged you, and you tried to push him- well that doesn’t work, now does it?”

“Yeah, Bueller, I think I can tell.” She rested her hands atop the warm wood, pushing down and lifting herself back onto the dock. Sloane yelped as Ferris copied Cameron’s actions from before, dragging her into the water. Y/n groaned and reached out to her friend, offering her help back onto the floating surface.

She too let out a yelp, going face first into the water after Sloane grabbed her hand but pulled backwards, pulling her into the water. “Traitor!” Y/n ducked underwater and pulled Sloane down, laughing with her friend when they both resurfaced and pulled themselves upon the top of the dock again.

Sadly, their amused giggles became screams due to Cameron and Ferris picking them both up and throwing them into the water. They stood tall and proud, before Cameron turned to Ferris and surged forward, shoving his friend into the lake as well.

“I'm going to go ahead and guess that the pushing-dock is no longer the resting-dock?”

“Well, it is called a pushing-dock, Sloane.” Ferris grunted as he climbed up, then leaped at Cameron. Both boys fell backwards, hitting the water with a splash.

“What do you say, Peterson? We show these boys who’s king of the pushing-dock?”

“I suppose our kingdoms could form some kind of alliance, but I can’t promise my soldiers will stay loyal for to long.” The girls grinned, ready to take the boys and claim the dock as their prize for winning. They were at it for a couple hours, wrestling until one person fell backwards, both people fell, or even until one person pushed the other three off at the same time.

Y/n and Cameron joined forces at some point, shoving Ferris off each time he got back on, preventing him from even having a chance. True, it wasn’t the fairest of thing to do, but it made Cameron feel better about taking his father’s car.

They played chicken, Y/n on Cameron’s shoulders, Sloane on Ferris’, then Y/n on Sloane’s and Cameron on Ferris’, Sloane on Y/n’s and Ferris on Cameron’s, they continued switching partners and games until they decided they were done swimming, aka, tired themselves out.

After their fun in the lake was over, they changed their clothes and headed back to the city, stopping at the arcade and eating lunch there. Playing the games was just a pro of eating at an arcade, and the teens took it to their advantage.

“C’mon,” Cameron grabbed Y/n’s hand and pulled her to a smaller, not so digital, game. “Remember when we played here last time? It’s been a while..”

“Cameron, it’s literally been a month.”

“Exactly.”

They shared laughs and challenged each other. The foosball table was empty the time they were there, so they found it being their main source of entertainment, aside from watching Ferris try to impress Sloane on games he knew were rigged to always win.

After Cameron had won a number of times, Y/n bought churros for her and Cam, staying true to a bet they’d made on who’d win. The two leaned against the foosball table and ate their treats while they watched Ferris and Sloane’s interactions and reactions.

“Wanna play the ‘game’?” Cameron asked without moving his head, keeping his sight on the couple.

“Yep. I’ll go first.” She bit into her churro. “Oh Ferris, thank you for taking me on our lovely adventure, what a shame Y/n and Cameron had to be third and fourth wheelers though, I feel so bad for making them witness us eating face in the parking lot-”

Cameron wheezed, coughing out the bite of churro he had been eating prior to Y/n’s purposely-poor imitation of Sloane’s voice. His face was red from how hard he was laughing. Y/n joined in, laughing both in embarrassment and amusement.

Their contagious, at least between the two themselves, laughter caught the attention of the couple the game’d been about. “What happened? Are you guys okay?”

Y/n and Cameron calmed themselves, preparing to respond to Sloane, before they both pressed their lips together in attempt of preventing their laughter’s return, failing right as their eyes quickly darted to each other’s and back. Y/n hunched over, holding her stomach as he laughed violently, Cameron mirroring Y/n’s actions.

Eventually, just as all good things do, their adventure came to an end. It was time to go home, Sloane back at the school while she waited for her real father, Y/n at her house, Cameron at his, and Ferris in bed; feigning sick like usual.

Y/n’s house was closer, plus she had a tool to give to the boys so Mr. Frye didn’t notice anything off about his Ferrari, so she was their first stop. Cameron noticed Y/n tensing up the closer they got to her home and rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. They both didn’t want the day to end. Really, none of the four did.

They stopped and Ferris helped Sloane out, then reached to help Y/n. She didn’t take his hand, so he awkwardly pulled away and followed Sloane to Y/n’s front door.

“You know, we can do this again, it’ll be okay.”

“No... I know we can do this again, but I can’t do... this again.” 

Cameron raised his brow with confusion. “Do what?”

Y/n inhaled, preparing to say something she’d been nervous about saying. Cameron reached for Y/n’s hand and squeezed it softly, earning a warm, thankful smile from the girl.

“I like you. A lot. As in.. more than a friend.”

He looked away, then looked back at her, squinting from the sun’s merciless glare. “...Yeah?”

“Yeah..” She blushed, raising her eyebrows and smiling awkwardly. They both laughed quiet small laughs, which could have easily been mistaken for a scoff or uneasy breathing. Just as she thought it’d been a sign of his uninterested, he grabbed her face softly and kissed her.

“You see, we all knew Cameron liked Y/n and Y/n liked Cameron, they were both just too stubborn to realize it. With our adventure, I planned some time to hang out, I didn’t expect them to...you know, kiss and all. But I’ll be happy to take credit for them finally admitting their feelings for each other. Oh, and one more thing-”

“Would you uh,” Cameron laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck, “possibly be interested in going out with me some time?”

“He finally asked her out.”

[boycottyashahime]

Not sure if it's wise to stan Lindsay Ellis or emulate her in any way, because she's pretty accepting of ships like Beetlejuice (an adult) x Lydia (a child). It seems likely that she'd be cool with Sessrin too and would chastise anyone criticizing that ship.

She also defended Stephanie Meyer's Twilight by omitting most core criticisms of the franchise like its glorification of child grooming, racism, and misogyny. Lindsay Ellis has some good takes, but she'd definitely be on friendly terms with Sessrin shippers and others of their ilk.

I don't really feel like what she's talking about in the screenshots and this situation are all that comparable, though. First of all, in the Inuyasha series, Sesshoumaru and Rin aren't coded as a couple, especially not in classic RT style. There's not really a concrete definition to the relationship at all, which enables a lot of different interpretations, as opposed to the coding leading one to a certain conclusion.

Second of all, the Beetlejuice cartoon and the Beetlejuice movie resemble each other little more than name and character design - in the screenshots, LE talks about how she was initially a little taken aback by how different the characters' relationship was in the movie vs. the cartoon, and how the cartoon fans would ship them in the context of the show because that's how it was presented to them within the context. There's a discrepancy there not because the relationship is coded ambiguously in canon, but because fans are dealing with two totally separate and distinct codings that have little to do with one another. The movie and cartoon are so incompatible in tone and context that it's impossible to reconcile the two into a cohesive canon, so the shippers and anti shippers may as well be talking about two entirely separate things (which they are). In Inuyasha/Yashahime's case, however, the latter follows from the former, they're supposed to represent one long contiguous timeline, and so the dynamic between Sesshoumaru and Rin in Yashahime would have to be based upon that of what it was in Inuyasha, which is where antis in THIS sphere have a problem. It's one thing to have two different fandoms of two different stories entirely where one is very loosely based on the other warring with each other over details that were wholly different from one another (Beetlejuice). It's another to have a direct continuation of a series that may or may not imply some pretty iffy dynamics based on a grown man getting with a girl he has authority over when she's older (Inuyasha/Yashahime).

Third, LE characterizes the shippers of the Beetlejuice fandom as largely peaceful, mostly keeping to themselves until an anti wanders into their midst. In my experience, it's been the opposite in this fandom. I keep on the anti tag, have only posted once in the ship tag (to boost a post that had both ship and anti arguments on it), and don't go looking for fights. I've been getting quite a few shippers demanding in various ways that I shut up and refrain from stating my opinion on my own blog multiple times now. I may be wrong, but given the circumstances, I think that LE might have a less-than-favorable view of the shippers in this fandom for having a similarly militant pattern of behavior to the antis in the Beetlejuice fandom. It's not necessarily the opinion that I see her criticizing in the screenshots (she even says she understands how the content can be upsetting), but the way one invades spaces that are not theirs to insist that someone isn't allowed to have the opposite opinion.

And, at the risk of repeating myself yet again, I actually DO NOT have a problem with the existence of the SessRin ship. I have ignored it for years, and will continue to ignore it for years to come, no matter what Sunrise wants to validate in their sequel. I just have my blog to express my opinion, help commiserate with other antis, and assert that it isn't unreasonable for anyone to read Sesshoumaru and Rin's relationship as platonic. So, actually, I mostly agree with LE in her dismissal of people "supporting" abuse by liking a ship. My issue is with Sunrise if they decide to put positive depictions of grooming in a show for children, but as far as the shippers in the fandom go, I really have no problem with them shipping. Theirs isn't an invalid interpretation either, given all of the surrounding material in the world promoting it. We can coexist, disagree, and still be fine. At the moment. Shippers don't seem to WANT a peaceful coexistence with me, but I think eventually they'll get bored of fighting over nothing.

As for LE's defense of Stephanie Meyer, it was specifically a defense against all the unfair, misogynistic attacks on her for writing something popular with girls and women. She didn't say there's weren't VALID criticisms of Twilight; she just said she was sorry for buying into the intense unwarranted hatred of Twilight and Stephanie Meyer for nothing more than our culture's general disdain for anything that girls like. I'd like to think she really didn't need to make the video where she listed and elaborated upon all the problematic aspects of the Twilight series, because quite frankly, that video already existed in multiple iterations long before she made her own.

Finally, I think it's important to note that I'm 32 years old and not really interested in "stanning" or "emulating" anyone at this point. A couple of anon messages stated they thought there were similarities between myself and LE, and while I am flattered because I think she has some valuable and insightful opinions on fiction, I'm far past the point of trying to be like her or thinking she's flawless. I do have some disagreements with some things she's said before; I don't have much interest in listing them out here, but suffice it to say you should have no worries whatsoever that I would blindly follow her example on every little point. Nor would I suggest anyone else do so. I just like watching her videos, think she has a cool perspective, and am flattered to be compared to someone who it looks like has been pretty successful in writing and publishing a novel, as that's kind of a goal of mine.

[uzuuzuking]

so this started out as just a general post about why i like cinderella adaptations, but slowly spiraled into a ranking/review of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen in my short, young life. so strap in for possibly the longest post i’ve ever made on this blog. (look, i never know how much i have to say about something until i really get going lmao)

idk why i like cinderella adaptations/remakes/spinoffs so much? most of them are garbage (especially the ones within the last 10 years don’t @ me) but fuck it i like this brand of garbage. it’s fun to watch these movies and rework the bad plotlines and dialogue in my head as i go along.

i guess i like the source material and some of the aspects of all the different adaptations, but honestly i just like re-imagining them because there’s only so much cringey script-written-for-teens-but-clearly-written-by-40-year-old-adults-who-have-no-idea-how-teens-or-even-people-for-that-matter-actually-talk-and-interact i can take in one excruciating sitting.

anyway here’s my personal ranking of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen that no one asked for. (not including stage productions because i haven’t seen any and have no opinion of them. also not including into the woods because that’s not just cinderella, but a spectacular amalgamation of fairytale mishap and shenanigan.) and reviews because apparently i had more to say than i originally thought when i first started constructing this list:

cinderella (1997) - the absolute best cinderella adaptation of all time, hands down, this is non-negotiable. this movie has it all: an excellent and diverse cast, gorgeous costume design, beautiful sets, some of the most dazzling dance numbers i ever witnessed when i first watched it at the wee age of 4, and a positive, progressive message that was accurate for its time yet also so ahead of its time. i cannot praise this version of cinderella enough, it is my all time favorite and one of my top 3 feel-good movies. if you watched it today, the effects might not be as magical compared to what we have now, but keep in mind it was released in 1997. anyway, the cast is truly amazing and so effortlessly inclusive (and honestly the fact that the prince was asian with a black mother and white father and they literally never addressed it was such a power move). i could go on about this movie forever (i’ll probably make a whole post dedicated to it in the future) and what it meant to me and many others as young, impressionable poc. in conclusion, this movie set an exceedingly high standard for me and destroyed the chances of any other cinderella adaptation even hoping to live up to that. i love it! so! much!

ever after: a cinderella story (1998) - tbh i never saw this until i was in college but i immediately fell in love. i love the flow of the story as a whole - i never felt like anything was missing. i love the costumes and i especially love how danielle and henry’s relationship progressed throughout the film. slow-burn comes to mind when i watch their interactions and we all love a sweet, sweet slow-burn. it’s romance babes! it’s Dramatic in a few scenes and all i can say is that it really works because drew barrymore’s performance is exceptional, fantastic, engaging, more adjectives to describe how enthralled by her i was. above all, her character is compassionate - she uses her voice to speak in support for those who are suppressed by the flawed government systems and law enforcers, and influences the prince to use his status and power to better his people who lack the privileges of the nobility. she’s such a strong female lead (emotionally and physically - she literally fireman carries her love interest, who is taller than her and definitely exceeds her own bodyweight) and truly the mvp of this adaptation. watch it. watch it for Her.

enchanted (2007) - amy adams and idina menzel - ‘nuff said. okay but for real this one is so unique with its transition from classic d*sney 2D animation style to the real three-dimensional world and i adore it to the ends of the earth. the music? slaps! the story? slaps! the development of the main character? slaps!! she’s so princess-y and d*sney cartoon-y and struggles in the real world, but she adapts at a good pace and i love that she learns to be realistic while also keeping hope and love close to her heart. also her mother figure / daughter figure bond with morgan is so so precious. the only constructive criticism i have for this movie is the fact that we were robbed of idina menzel singing!!! did they know all along she was destined to play the frozen queen years in the future and decided against her singing in this one?? is that it? ridiculous. it’s been over a decade and i’m still seething over this. other than that this movie is *chef’s kiss*

ella enchanted (2004) - anne hathaway’s back must still be hurting from carrying this film. (no shade to the other cast members, they’re good, but anne is a queen and i forever love her.) this is another childhood favorite of mine. the story itself is a refreshing take - hats off to gail carson levine for the source material! i’ve talked about the differences between the movie and book before in the midst of my reread of the book a few months ago, but i don’t remember how much i focused on the movie. it’s so different from the book that it might as well be its own thing. on its own, the movie is pretty decent! again, mostly because of anne. it’s funny, it’s sad (especially that scene towards the beginning between ella and areida, i’m in stupid tears every time), and it gets weird but it’s a fun time. the chemistry between char and ella is so zesty i can feel it through the screen, i swoon over both of them. tbh i probably wouldn’t like this movie so much if not for the fact that anne hathaway is truly talented and i spend most of my time watching it just looking at her. 

cinderella 3: a twist in time (2007) - i genuinely enjoyed and appreciated how the characters were written in this one. they all had clear motives and became much more dynamic through their lines and actions (drizella is arguably the most static character here but she still amuses me so it’s fine i guess). cinderella has more agency since the stakes are higher. prince charming actually has a gotdamn personality and has some of the funniest scenes and dialogue. good for him. i was kind of sad that anastasia’s story with the sweet baker boy was thanos snapped by the stepmother, but she and baker boy get a cute credits illustration together so it’s still canon! maybe i’m more biased on this one because i grew up rewatching it A Lot, but i definitely prefer it to the first and second movies.

cinderella (2000) - this one is kind of weird but i like it? the film has a really interesting vibe that i’m still trying to figure out how to describe even after seeing it like 5 times. wikipedia refers to the aesthetic style as “the glamour of the 1950s” which just might be as close as we can get. it follows the general guidelines of the cinderella plot, but the main differences were: zezolla (cinderella) was already helping with the chores before her father remarried, claudette (stepmother) was actively trying to murder zezolla’s father during their marriage, the stepsisters were much more violent and crass (they hunted zezolla’s beloved farm animals for sport and talked about getting “a man in [their] bed”), zezolla’s father was manipulated by everything claudette did and said and treated his own daughter poorly as a result, and prince valiant is honestly kind of a douchebag but seems willing to improve himself after meeting zezolla (basically his vibes are iffy but he’s willing to learn). this whole movie is pretty niche and i have yet to interact with someone who’s also seen it. and the only reason i’ve seen it so many times is because i just like listening to how the dialogue is delivered. (except for prince valiant’s random song at the ball, i kind of hated that and i skip through it every time lol).

a cinderella story (2004) - the classic hilary duff version. very cliche early 2000s high school romance, but it works for the cinderella narrative. not particularly diverse. a classic nonetheless. in my mind this is the pinnacle of the “modern cinderella movie” type. this is one of the most iconic movies for us zillennials and i’d like to think it’s known well enough for me to not go into a lot of detail about it. basically it was fresh and new for its time, had plenty of memorable scenes, and did i mention hilary duff? the film kind of plays into the “not like other girls” trope - as do a couple of the movies i listed above - but i’m just going to acknowledge that the early 2000s were Wack and simply move on. all in all, i like this movie for the nostalgia, iconic scenes, and hilary duff. also jennifer coolidge is pretty funny as the stepmother.

another cinderella story (2008) - again, an early 2000s classic, but this time with selena gomez. i liked the dancing in this one. i like selena’s quiet, somewhat timid characterization of her character, mary. and jane lynch in the stepmother role is perfection. she’s so fun to watch and is always hilarious. the story is nothing remarkable, but it’s okay and i liked it as a kid. after the hilary duff version, this one still managed to feel fresh because, though it was similar in its modern era approach, it focused more on the performing arts and dance. “cinderella” is an aspiring dancer, rather than the 2004 aspiring scholar. the “prince” is a famous popstar, not a football player. the stepmother is an outdated popstar desperate to stay Hip and Relevant with the kids, not a cranky botox lady. honestly i just love watching this one for the dancing, mary’s genuine and innocent love for the “prince”, and literally everything that comes out of jane lynch’s mouth. that woman is a dialogue gold mine.

a cinderella story: once upon a song (2011) - lucy hale is good. missi pyle is good. they play their roles and lines that they’re given fairly well. over all, it’s entertaining. lucy, of course, has them Pipes and i do like the songs in this movie. the only major downside for me was the “token best friend of color” trope. lucy’s best friend is an asian girl who’s good at sports and is there for one liners and support. the prince charming character’s best friend is a black guy who he only knew for probably a month at the most. he can beatbox, sing, and dj. basically he’s also just there as support. they really don’t do much for the plot but they’re there for diversity and whatnot. this movie is.. fine.

cinderella (1950) - the only reason this ranks so low for me is because i watched it a lot as a child when it was on vhs and it always felt like a fever dream to me. i was just really young and didn’t feel invested in any of the characters. it is a classic, though, and i would watch it again and be able to enjoy it.

cinderella 2: dreams come true (2002) - i liked cinderella’s and anastasia’s stories from this one. jaq’s was meh. it was fine.

dj cinderella or cinderella pop (2019) - netflix knows i like cinderella adaptations so, naturally, they shoved this into my recommended and, naturally, i watched it. twice. which is more than i can say for the following review... so this movie is brazillian and is pretty much the cut & mold of modern cinderella movies. but she wants to be a dj. she stars out living a perfect life as a wealthy girl with a loving family, but turns out her dad is cheating on her mom with his secretary. that’s when she “stops believing in love”. which is actually valid bc if i saw one of my parental figures cheating on the other, i honestly wouldn’t know what to believe in anymore. anyway, cíntia dorella (yes. that’s her full name.) and her mom move into her aunt’s place. a year or so passes. stepmother/secretary/cheating lady is throwing an extravagant birthday party for her daughters and hires freddy prince, a popular musician who cíntia doesn’t really like. meanwhile, cíntia gets a dj gig she’s excited for until she finds out she’s the opener for freddy prince at her stepsisters’ party. she ends up disguising herself as “dj cinderella” and freddy is super into her. it’s pretty generic from there but i was entertained enough to watch it twice. take from that what you will.

cinderella (2015) - ok so we been knew that d*sney’s live action remakes ain’t shit, and this one is no exception. d*sney within the last few years has been like 99% aesthetics and marketing. this movie was visually stunning, especially with the settings and costumes. those were the only 2 things i truly liked. everything else was forgettable. in its defense, i did read a post about the “have courage and be kind” message which is something wonderful to hold onto, especially for anyone in an abusive situation like ella. that’s valid and i respect that. i still lowkey hate this movie tho. i started getting a headache about 4 reviews ago, but remembering how much praise this movie got has reignited my fighting spirit. honestly if you like it, that’s good, you like what you like and that’s that. but this is my review and i hated how proper ella’s posture was (she’s been doing physical labor hunched on the floor for years now, how does she not slump around in exhaustion at the end of the day??), i hated how perfectly curated the whole thing was (again, that’s mostly because of d*sney and their aesthetics), and i hated how hollow everything felt. i can’t perfectly describe it, but i never felt emotionally invested in any of the characters. something about their performance was lacking and yet again i blame d*sney. i actually really like lily james, but something about the way she was directed left me devoid of emotional attachment to ella. i remember nothing about ella’s step family or the prince. that’s how much of an impact this adaptation had on me. also i just remembered the fairy godmother as i type this. i ADORE helena bonham carter, but this movie does a horrible disservice to her. if she liked working on this movie, then i’m happy for her, but even she wasn’t strong enough to sell this to me. i saw this movie in theaters and came out of it lamenting my waste of money that i could have spent on something i would have actually enjoyed. but the thing that enraged me the most, the thing i despised, i detested, the thing i seethed over and rant about to this day was the ONE (1) token black character. i don’t even know if he had a name but he was captain of the guard or some shit. if i remember correctly (but probably not tbh this movie was so forgettable), he was the one who heard ella singing and was the whole reason the prince was able to have her try on the glass slipper. this man, who had zero character development, zero relevance to the plot, an insignificant amount of screen time, is suddenly the reason the main character is able to finally connect with her love interest. um. What. i hate how the writers treated him and i will forever be filled with every last grain of salt over this. anyway he’s my favorite character and everyone else is just eh. to conclude this ungodly long review, i don’t like this movie. i tried to watch it again once but got so bored i quit 10 minutes in. do yourself a favor and watch cinderella (1997) instead. (the only reason this movie is ranked above the remaining 5 is the production quality. but i guess that’s unfair bc d*sney has the big bucks. and maybe i wouldn’t be so harsh if i weren’t sleep deprived and grumpy from a sugar-induced headache, but these feelings still come from my Chest so idk.)

a cinderella story: a christmas wish (2019) - i think we all secretly enjoy christmas-themed movies and this has got to be someone’s guilty pleasure. i was mildly entertained (but again with the cringey dialogue written by people clearly not in high school...) and i do like laura marano. but they autotuned her to hell and back - which i loathed - because the woman can actually sing and she has a lovely voice. she got to sing candidly one (1) time and i relished the experience. my ears thank her beautiful, un-autotuned voice. other than that it was.. fine. i didn’t hate it but i didn’t like it either. laura marano deserves better than this. (can’t say the same for the other actors tho because their roles were unmemorable.) also laura marano was super cute in her elf costume!

not cinderella’s type (2018) - i legit forgot about this one until after i compiled the entire list lol. i saw it on youtube and it was decent as far as i remember. it’s another modern day cinderella. i think the “prince” runs over “cinderella’s” cat or something?? i’m pretty sure it was her mom’s cat so now she has nothing left to remember her mom by. prince boy feels awful and tries to befriend her or do something to make it up to her, but she just doesn’t really like him. i think her aunt and uncle are emotionally abusive to her and prince boy does his best to be there for her without making things worse. if i remember correctly, i liked that aspect of the movie because it’s hard to be there for a victim of any kind of abuse if trying to help them could potentially hurt them more, especially minors still under the care of abusive guardians. anyway i think cinderella girl’s best friend is in love with her or something but she ends up not being into him and slowly gets together with prince boy. she eventually moves out of her guardians’ house and into the spare house at prince boy’s home (he’s rich or something). i need to rewatch this movie tbh i could be wrong about everything here lol.

rags (2012) - not amazing, definitely not memorable because i have nothing to say about its plot or writing, but it has keke palmer which is its one redeeming quality. also it’s the only one on this list where the male protagonist is the cinderella. so that’s solid i guess.

a cinderella story: if the shoe fits (2016) - this was a movie. it happened. i vaguely remember how ridiculous it was and sometimes i felt secondhand embarrassment. i don’t remember what about specifically, but i remember the emotion. sofia carson is a talented singer. i think she’s a decent actor but this script was Bad.

elle: a modern cinderella tale (2010) - i only watched this one because i was bored out of my damn mind and saw it on youtube. i felt bad for all the actors because this script was terrible. i don’t recommend this unless you’re about to sit down with your squad and make fun of it.

apparently descendants is on the “cinderella adaptations and references” list on imdb but i refuse to put it on my list because it’s not a cinderella-specific adaptation and i don’t like the descendants franchise. now, if we’re going to discuss a quality series about the children of fairytale characters, that would hands down be ever after high. but that’s a different topic for a different day.

thus concludes the ranking no one asked for but i felt compelled to make. thank you and goodnight

[simonxriley]

For Jade Helm: ☀️💁⭐

Thank you! 

Writing Asks

☀️- Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?

My motifs are anything bad that happens between Skylar’s past and post Outbreak. I wish I could go into more details, but spoilers 🙃. However I can say that Jade Helm was never about the Outbreak, yes it’s a major part but the story was always about two people who can go through literal hell and come out on the other side stronger and more in love than before. 

I also have another one, it’s going more into PTSD and how that can change you. I kind of touched on it in past chapters, not as much as I would’ve like too. 

💁- Did readers influence change any part of this story?

Almost, but it was more of an add on. I was going to add Fuze and Sledge to the Outbreak section but decided not too. That part of the fic is already going to be a beast to write and I didn’t feel like figuring out where to put them in. 

⭐- What’s a scene/paragraph you’re proud of?

I have two scenes I’m proud of. 

The first one is when they meet little seven year old Grace. I just loved writing them interacting with her and her helping them gather their supplies. It’s also kind of bittersweet knowing in a few years (quite literally) that Skylar and Tachanka will be rescuing her from the White Masks. 

The second one being Skylar and Tachanka talking about what they hope for in the future as a couple. Living together, eventually getting married and having a few (8) kids. It’s a sweet part in the chapter, Tachanka giving her an engraved dog tag to them talking about their future together. 

The actual scene is below the cut, cause it’s long 😅

“A dog tag is better fitting for our lifestyle.” She looked it over again, fingers tracing over the engravings. Flipping it over, she noticed more writing on the back. “Alexsandr + Skylar 12-15-2017 - Forever.” She looked back up at him, eyes glistening once again. “Forever?”

Her heart began beating at a rapid pace, so much so her hands began to shake. None of this felt real, it all felt like a dream, a dream she never wanted to wake up from. She spent so many years thinking marriage and a family would be out of reach, who would want to be married to a woman with trust issues? Or survivors guilt? But Alex, he was patient, showing her time and time again he was in it for the long haul. She never believed it, thinking it was only a matter of time before he got sick of her or found someone better. Like every other relationship she had, casual or not.

Now looking down at his promise, engraved in a silver dog tag, for both see, she finally believed him.

“Forever! You’re the first face I see every morning and the last I see when I go to bed, I wake up every morning the happiest man alive knowing that I have you by my side.” He locked eyes with her and took a deep breath. “Whether this happens a year or five from now, I hope one day you’ll become Mrs. Senaviev.”

“Skylar Senaviev does have a nice ring to it.” She wiped the tears from her eyes once again and smiled. “Now I’m curious, what does our future look like to you?”

He took the dog tag from her hand, motioning for her to turn around. She obliged and maneuvered herself to sit in front of him with her back turned. He undid the small chain, bringing the dog tag in front of her and clipped it shut around her neck. She brought her hand up to feel it again, then moved beside him and snuggled up against his chest.

“I picture us moving in together, where I would spend every morning cooking breakfast for you. You’d protest you’re perfectly capable making it yourself, but I’d ignore it and keep doing it. We’d spend the day together doing whatever errands we have to do, or we spend it at home cleaning our guns and watching movies all day on the couch. We would cook dinner together every night, talking about anything and everything that came to mind. And every night when we’d go to bed, I’d make love to you, you’d fall asleep in my arms afterwards where I would look down at your sleeping figure thinking how lucky I was to call you my wife.”

Skylar pushed herself up, face softening under his gaze. “That, that sounds perfect and very romantic. You’ve really thought about the future, and I hope it comes true.”

“I do too! What does yours look like, kotyonok?”

She sat up, cross legged. Her hand came up to play with the new dog tag that laid next to her work ones on her chest. “I never really thought about it, until now at least. I just want a…...simple kind of life - well as simple as it can be for our lifestyle. I just love the thought of waking up and falling asleep next to you everyday, taking long walks hand in hand around the city, when your polishing one of your Degtyaryov I could be reading a book or drawing a new picture next to you, just happy to spend some quality time together.” Her eyes averted to the small section of blanket that was in between them - smiling to herself. Then she looked back up to Alex. “But the one thing I’m looking forward too the most, is the day where you come home from a mission or a day of training with Glaz, Kapkan and Fuze and as soon as you walk through the door you’re being greeted by our child. Little feet pitter patting on the wooden floor, arms spread wide and a big smile on their face because they’re so excited to see their papa.”

Alex sat up, mouth slightly gaping. He wasn’t exactly sure what she would say, and was mostly expecting that she didn’t think about the future. Which would have been perfectly fine, he couldn’t blame her for not wanting to think about the uncertainty of the future. But he never expected to here she pictured their child, or that she actually wanted a family. Yes she mentioned it on the car ride home, her tone however was iffy.

“Kotyonok, I never realized you’d thought about things like that. Truthfully I wasn’t sure if you wanted kids or not.” He smiled over at her, and she mirrored it. “That sounds like the perfect way to come home after a long day of work. To my wife and child!”

“I do, more so than I like to let on.” She chuckled, then let out a sigh. “When I was a little girl, I always thought, I wanna get married and be a mom. It sounds so cliche now. Then the older I got and all the stuff I went through made the want of it die down, or at least I thought. There was a time where I didn’t care when I got pregnant, now I want to be emotionally ready to have a child.” She gave him a small smile that he mirrored. “It feels nice to talk about this, our future.”

“It makes sense why you would hide the fact you want a family, military life isn’t kind.” He leaned over, placing a quick kiss upon her lips. “It does feel nice to talk about the future. The future I’m excited to have. However, kotyonok, I am more than willing to take this slow.”

“Good because we are.” They both laughed, then sighed. “I think it’ll be more worth it if we do take things slow. Just enjoy it being us before we add a little Senaviev into the family.”

“I agree, kotyonok! If I feel this happy waiting only 5 months for you, I wonder how happy I’ll be when you’re my wife and we’re welcoming our child into this world years from now.”

Alex smiled, grabbing Skylar’s hand and gently pulled her into a hug. She sighed in content, resting her head on his chest. Both of them content on where they were. However Skylar could tell something had shifted between them, she felt closer to him than before, like she no longer needed to hide behind a facade. Because deep down they both knew that one day they would be a family.

[juniper-tree]

writing life, 2: ghosts

(long post warning)

In a previous post wherein I talked about my NaNo failure and my writing process, I mentioned there were other things I hoped to do with my writing this year (and beyond). I’m an ambitious, driven person and have always had Big Plans.

All those plans have been hugely influenced by a project I took on earlier this year, and what I learned from it.  

I became a romance ghostwriter.  And then I quit.

Way back in the winter, I alluded to a writing project I was in the middle of, with an established author. Well, this was it. I was her ghostwriter.

I’m abiding by the NDA we agreed upon, though even if we had not, naming names in this context is tacky. So no titles, no links—just my experience and what I went through.

I submitted writing samples through a site, then had a few back and forth emails with the author to see if I would be a good fit. I was, and she hired me to write a novella for her second author brand.

I didn’t know either of her pen names, or her real name. It made sense to me she wouldn’t want to divulge her professional name and possibly be outed for hiring a ghostwriter until she knew it would work out.

Her main brand/name, she said, had a very specific theme. The second brand would be more contemporary, allow her to experiment with different styles and tropes. That made sense to me, too. I imagined her established brand as a Tessa Dare-style historical with all the expectations that would carry. Perhaps she wanted to publish contemporary stories with a little more spice, under a new name?

My assumptions were very wrong. But I’ll get to that.

Problem was, the demand for her content was so high that she could not fulfill it all. She needed a ghost to give her more to publish. I would come up with the idea, she would ok it, I would write it, she would tweak it, I would be paid, her readers would be happy. Decent arrangement.

And it really was. I don’t have a moral problem with ghostwriting, clearly. Some people do, and that’s fair. It is a lie, in a way. It upends the expected contract between reader and author of authenticity (though that’s questionable much of the time, regardless). 

There is a lot of abuse in it—plagiarism, for one; absolutely terrible pay for the work, for another.

Of course, it doesn’t have to be like that. This wasn’t. I went in with my eyes open about the system. I asked for what I felt was a fair price for my level of skill and what my time was worth. It was far above the dismal average that ghostwriters typically get.

I got it, without any experience or history, on the strength of my writing. She also made it very clear she did not want to perpetuate the content factory mentality of so many self-published, ghostwritten romances. This had to be good, original work, and I would be compensated fairly.

She was generous with money and with time, and very helpful in shaping my work into what she needed for her brand. No complaints about her as a person or from a work perspective.

When the work was finished, she was happy, and so was I, despite it being pretty far outside my area of interest. It was a decent story, it had feels, it had sexy times, it had a nice HEA.

I made a fairly strong attempt to subvert some of the more odious aspects of many mainstream, contemporary, heterosexual romances—iffy consent, power imbalances, misogyny, conservative ideas about money.  

That was probably my first mistake.

A lot of my subversions were changed or edited out. 

To give a minor example, I specifically noted many times that the male hero was pale. This was for situational character reasons—as well as the fact that I grow weary of tan, toned beefcakes as default in romance.

The author changed every “pale” to “tan.” Heaven forbid the sexy man not have a tan. (I think she put more muscles on him, too, but I don’t specifically recall.)

This sounds petty. Perhaps it is. But it’s also emblematic of other, larger changes that were made to fit the romance mold, as opposed to allowing anything slightly left of center.

There are many reasons romance is so popular, and one is, obviously, the comfort: of falling into repeated patterns and conventions, of reading your favorite tropes endlessly, of not having to think too hard about how things fit together. I appreciate all of that. 

We find it in fanfiction, too—we revel in it.

But there’s a reason why overturning even minor subversions bothers me. I’ll get to that, too.

Like I said, the author was happy. She wanted to continue working with me on a long-term basis, give me a co-writing credit for future works, help grow my own audience in the genre, etc. All very generous and great.

Problem was, when I saw the published work, I finally found out her pen names, so I could see her other books.

Not only were they nothing like what I had written (some of the reviews said it was “so different” for this author, which was hilarious), they made me very uncomfortable.

Again, under an NDA, so I can’t list specific details. There were just endless dominant, alpha-male, ultra-rich men who have disturbingly obsessive and coercive relationships with vulnerable young women. Money is involved in the relationship in some way. The heroines are nobody, the heroes are Somebody. Aren’t these women lucky to snag these guys?

The fact that I can say all that and have it be completely non-specific to any particular romance author is extremely telling of the problems of the genre. I could literally be talking about EL James (I’m not - her bad writing appears to be her own).

I read/skimmed a couple of them, and I could see an attempt was made to “sweeten” the heroes so they were vulnerable (or pitiable, really).  But the tropes themselves are toxic.

The author herself was great? We even had an early discussion on what were complete no-gos for romance, and judging by that I thought we were on the same page regarding what’s creepy and what’s romantic. Apparently not.

Who wants to read this? Who wants to write it? Lots of people, that’s who.

This is a chicken and egg thing, though, isn’t it? Someone wrote it first, way back when. 

Romance fans (and I count myself among them!) like to say that a lot of the worst, most “rapey” novels are way out of fashion, that the terrible misogyny is gone, that there’s a new kind of romance that people want to read today.  

And that is definitely true for a certain percentage of traditionally published romance novels. There are lots of good ones, unproblematic ones, progressive ones.

Please go read those—they are so fun and enjoyable and will make you feel good.

But what of the rest? The romance readers read and buy these toxic tropes. The authors keep putting them out, because that’s what readers want. The readers keeping buying it. The cycle continues.

(I want to go into this further with fanfiction, but that’s for another post.)

The fact that even the most minor of my attempts at subversion were squashed was really disheartening. It wasn’t that my writing was changed—I couldn’t care less about that. It was that the slightest diversion from the carved-in-stone Alpha Male Romance Idea was clearly unacceptable. Not to mention the larger diversions—I did make those, too.

I made my hero perfectly successful at what he did for a living, though not excessively so—but I also made my heroine perfectly successful and doing just fine, thanks. In the final work? He’s secretly a billionaire. He can just take care of her without all that pesky work. That depressed me.

I was cringing at the idea that I’d have to keep stuffing in worse and worse tropes, toxic relationships, misogynistic overtones, conservative philosophies, and scary power imbalances just to make some money.

This isn’t an audience I want.

The thought of reinforcing these ideas in any way threw me into a major crisis of conscience. I just couldn’t do it.

Like I said, it was a great and generous deal—for someone else. For someone who likes this kind of thing, or is a bit more mercenary than I am. I’m not willing to go there.

So that’s basically the end of ghostwriting for me. I have lots of my own ideas that are non-toxic, fun, and maybe people will even want to read them. But if they would rather read the stuff I hate, that’s their business. I won’t be a part of it.

Personally, I like lots of things in romance and fanfiction that are fantasies, that are not the ways in which I want to live my life—bad heroes and troubled women, relationships that make you go “hmmm,” problematic-ness and intense, dark passions, and all that stuff that’s over the top. I get it!

It’s just that I want subtlety and shades (not of Grey) and all the real dirt and grime and the beauty and joy that make your heart race and your mind wander. Not just the stamped, approved, here’s-what-you-get dosage of unexamined clichés. (Examined clichés are often very good.)

I learned so much from this process. Not only what my own limits are, but what I really want to do, by seeing up close what I do not. So I am grateful for the whole episode, but happy to be past it.  

On to greener pastures, and work which makes me proud.

[classlesstulip]

Solstice

Pt. 1: Last Minute Gift

(A little seasonal thing. Will be a 3-parter, with a part focusing on each man seperatly, and finished with the actual gift exchange.)

Pushing through the crowds, Julian tucked his chin into the folds of the scarf twined around his neck. His eyes watered whenever the wind blew, and the few times his nose peaked free of its warm, wooly prison, it was stuck back in, tingling from the cold.

Argh, I should have done this sooner! Right now, it was only days away from the Winter Solstice, which would host Neptunia's Midwinter Feast. It was traditional for gifts to be exchanged at the height of the day, before the feasting truly began. The Winter Market was in high swing, with hundreds of shoppers and vendors crowding the town squares, hawking food, drinks, and wares to the buzzing crowds.

Unfortunatly, this winter has been an unkind one, and Julian had been unable to find the time to shop for a gift for his husband, let alone spend any sort of quality time with Ty. Winter came early this year, causing all sorts of issues: everything from the usual aches and pains of the elderly, slips and falls, and a most HORRID flu season.

Hence why he is only just now braving the market. While Ty would understand his being unable to shop for a gift, Julian knows the man has been busting his ass making something to give to him. It just wouldn't feel right for Julian to unwrap a wonderful gift only to respond with a 'sorry! I've got nothing!' in return.

Oh, but he could do without these crowds!

*****

It's been HOURS. And he's empty handed.

With all of the selection laid out for him, with the sheer variety of goods available, and all at different prices, he's still without a gift. Every time something would catch his eye, he would soon find a reason to not buy it.

Jewelry? Eh, while nice, it's a tad too impersonal. If he had had the time, Julian would have rather sat down with a goldsmith and designed something.

Clothing? Ty's already a MASSIVE clotheshorse. Finding something that would be to his tastes while also not being something he already owns would be...difficult.

And don't even bring up food; the man's a master in the kitchen. Julian honestly can't think of any edible giftbaskets that would even meet Ty's standards.

This is going to take a while.

*****

Julian had been a bit iffy about his latest idea, but he was out of options at this point. If he can't come up with anything here, he's done for.

He had briefly entertained the idea of HIM being the gift, but considering how often they have sex already...

...yeah, that would be a cop-out. And Julian was many things, but a quitter wasn't one of them.

Lucky for him, there was a vendor who sold a great deal of the ONE thing that was guarenteed(!) to make Ty as happy as a clam:

Yarn.

And LOTS of it.

And a bunch of accessories for knitters and crocheters, but that's a bit of a sidepoint right now.

Under a large canopy, enclosed in a tent, was a series of tables and baskets. All were overflowing with skein upon skein and ball upon ball of wooly goodness. Every color Julian has ever seen (and a few he, until now, had only imagined), in hues going from the barest kiss of color to a shade a hair off from the darkest dark, exploded in a riot.

And it was QUALITY. From the thinest lace to the bulkiest, rope-like single-ply arm-knitting thickest, each skein had a defined twist and neat appearance. Not a pill to be seen, not a slub to be found. Some shimmered with a hint of silk, others softened with a fine halo of kid mohair.

He had let out a quiet whoop when he stumbled upon the tented stall, but was too happy to be embarassed by the chuckling owners. The moment he realised what they were selling, he had stripped his gloves off and started fondling all the yarn he could.

Ty is goning to be so happy!

*****

The couple who owned the stall had left Julian in peace for quite some time, they themselves being long familiar with a person doing a 'yarn crawl'. The woman (and possibly wife) of the duo had gone back to her own knitting while the man/husband continued doing some paperwork. Aside from some quiet but warm greetings, they left Julian be.

For about half-an-hour.

"You seem a little lost, mate."

"HNGK!" Jumping, Julian nearly took out the yarntree he had been examining. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the man and winced. "Oh, sorry, but um, yes, or well, no. I'm not lost per se, just uh," he trailed off helplessly.

"Too much to choose from? I'm Lars, by the way, and the vision over by the checkout table is my wife, Lirsa," the newly-named Lars said in good-natured amusement.

"Ah, yes, you could say that. And I'm Julian."

After a quick handshake, the two men started discussing all things yarn, Lars trying to help Julian narrow down his gift choices and being pleasantly surprised at the others yarn knowledge.

Of course, the married couple laughed when Julian mentioned being married to a Principia.

"You know, instead of yarn, maybe a new set of needles or hooks would be best," Lirsa suggested from her seat. "It sounds like your hubby already has quite the stash, and one can never have enough good tools."

Julian hummed, a bit torn. While he knows enough about Ty's yarn preferences to make educated guesses about what he would like, needles are a bit more difficult. "I certainly wouldn't say no to looking, but my darling can be a bit picky about things such as needles."

Pulling open a display bureau, Lars fetched a few things before coming back over. Julian could see several needle shafts clenched in a calloused hand, different colored woods mixing together.

"I mean, not trying to be disrespectful or anything, but my Tiberius has incredibly high standards. His current favorites are a kit made out of snakewood and- oh my stars," Julian's eyes lit up upon seeing one particular set of needles in the bunch. "They're perfect! How much for a full set!?"

*****

Leaving the tent with a wave, Julian started trotting home. Under one arm was a long, flat, rectangular wrapped box, and hanging from his hands were several stiff paper canvas bags, splashes of brightly colored yarn peeking over the top. He hummed an old, half-remembered shanty under his breath as he went, eyes darting about. Reaching the end of town, at the spot where flagstones gave way to old, smooth cobbles, he stopped.

The sun had long since set, leaving only the warm light given off by the wrought-iron gas lamps as his guide. The lights from the full houses and busy shops behind him backlit everything, growing his shadow long as he stared out at silvered darkness. Going down the lane towards home, lamps were posted every twenty feet or so, creating little pockets of light, a barrier between him and the sapphire night.

Every year he sees this, he becomes so thankful that Ty decided to settle here, in Neptunia. Every Spring and Summer he is surrounded by violently vibrant life, and every Autumn he watches again as nature prepares for the Long Sleep.

But Winter? That time of year where frosty clouds of white blankets the fields, where dark and bare trees become dressed in their best snow and icicles, and where the world becomes soft and quite with every fresh new snow?

Winter is second only to Summer, in his book.

[ryewi]

Panic Room - myg

Summary: Panic Room was a realistic, virtual simulation that messed with people’s minds. No matter how ridiculous of a fear, the room would show it, or more so, would toss you right inside of it. Although the simulation didn’t do any physical harm, it still woke up appalling feelings, or mayhaps even caused damage to those who tried it.

So, what’s your biggest fear?

Genre: angst, drama

Words: 5,2k

Warnings: drug abuse, language, many negative feelings ig

Early AN: I love this work and I love this concept

Technology, oh how far will it go? It has probably exceeded expectations that were set for it a long time ago, but it still somehow manages to impress as days go by. Who would’ve thought that virtual simulation would come so far? Was it even virtual if you were able to fully experience everything that happened around you? Was it a simulation if it felt like real life?

Somewhere around this time last year, a huge announcement was made, one which notified everyone around the globe about the newest invention in science field. Truly, the creation shocked many, especially the older generations which didn’t want to accept that reality wasn’t always real anymore.  

What was the invention, one may ask? It carried a simple, although slightly concerning name. Panic Room. Also, as one may guess, panic room was a self-explanatory name. The small space was limited to four concreate walls, one (usually) creaky wooden chair placed in the middle, and a powerful headset. Many were sceptic, especially after hearing what it did and how it was supposed to operate.

Panic Room was a realistic, virtual simulation that messed with people’s minds. It would throw you into this never-ending pit of confusion, a thousand questions flowing through your mind. The experience inside of the room was different for everyone, it was very personal, therefore it caused damage to those who weren’t able to comprehend the situation. Fear of the unknown and new getting the better of them.

No matter how ridiculous of a fear, the room would show it, or more so, would toss you right inside of it. There were people crying for help while trying to run away from a horde of clowns, or those who were drowning, twenty feet under the surface, feeling their lungs filling up with salty water. Although the simulation didn’t do any physical harm, it still woke up appalling feelings in those who tried it.

Why did people do it? Most of them were adrenaline hungry, while others were desperate to try and overcome their fears. Did it help? In some cases, some could argue that it did more harm than good, but really, it was up to their willpower to try it out for themselves.  

With fears of your own, you were very cynic at first, or was that fright you felt? Whatever it was, you knew exactly why those feelings lingered in the heavy air. Temptation was eventually going to get the better of you, daring and easily persuading you to try it. A person could only treasure so many fears before they turned into phobias, and although your whole life was deemed free of any, the lingering want to find out whichever fear was the worst has always been present.  

Your sudden change of demeanor was not missed by your boyfriend, who was currently watching hectic movements from the couch. He gave it a couple of minutes, waiting to see if the issue would resolve by itself, before he moved to check up on you. That was probably one of the things what drew you the most into him, the understanding of your own space and ability to deal with problems alone. Yoongi was an extremely considerate and mindful person, each move pre-calculated and cautious in some situations. Therefore, upon noticing his standing figure right beside the kitchen counter, it was obvious that there was something happening.

“Nervous?” Yoongi asked, eyes hooded and lips barely moving as he spoke. Tucking your bottom lip between teeth, you looked up, nodding slowly. There was a generous distance between you two, one that usually showed unexplainable hesitation of closer contact. Taking a few steps ahead, stride long, you wrapped your arms around Yoongi’s neck, pulling him closer, seeking solace. His slim arms made their way upwards, around your back, chin resting comfortably on your shoulder. It didn’t take long to feel the slight thickening around his right elbow, for it was protruding through the thin material of his plaid shirt. That bandage has been a part of his life for over a year now, serving as some kind of safety from a hazard his past habit has created. “Why?” He questioned again, fingers carefully running up and down your spine.

“I’m scared of what I’ll see” you mumbled into his hair, nose slightly tickling his left ear. Yoongi hummed in understanding at that, noise sending modest vibrations over your skin. “Don’t you already know what you’ll see there?” his voice was low, almost incoherent, but in your ears, it echoed out perfectly clear. Truly, shouldn’t you be aware of what was going to happen there? Why were you even so worried about it? The feeling currently bubbling up in your chest wasn’t at all pleasant.

“I don’t Yoongi, that’s why I’m so iffy about it” detaching from him, you took a few steps back, reaching out to grab a glass of water from the counter. Your throat felt rather dry, probably from the nervousness. Your boyfriend watched with tentative eyes, inspecting every move, trying to figure out what your body language was currently telling him.  

He reached out for your hand, long fingers enveloping yours in a matter of seconds. Yoongi’s eyes looked tired, yet they shone with a special kind of glint. Almost in a reassuring manner. “You know I’ll be right outside, right?” Of course. Although he wouldn’t be right next to you, there was no chance that Yoongi would leave you to completely deal with this alone. He will still be just a doorway away, that wasn’t so bad, was it?

Nodding once again and raising the glass to your lips, you gulped down the clear liquid and almost instantly felt your body refresh. A huge sigh escaped your lips. It was like a drug released straight into your bloodstream, thoughts instantly clearing, mind properly working again. Yoongi watched silently, before his gaze moved on to the wall clock beside you. He pointed at it, wishing for attention. Soon, you had to leave.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

The inside of the room was as previously explained, as expected. Dull, grey concreate walls with smooth surface, nothing but a wooden chair in the middle. There was poor light source coming from a light bulb that hung from the ceiling by one wire. Suddenly, you felt uneasy, not sure about the whole ordeal anymore.  

The employee walked behind you, usually quiet steps now echoing around the walls. He was carrying something that looked like a motorcycle helmet, just without the unnecessary glass. It had numerous colorful wires protruding from its top, their endings intentionally thickened. An idea about it being some kind of a mind reading device flew through your mind, and maybe if it stayed there for a quick cup of coffee, you’d be able to think about it longer. Yet, the thought disappeared as quick as it appeared, head already filling up with new information. The chair made a series of noises as you sat down on it and it made you smile, it really was creaking.

The interior looked like an interrogation room, minus a wooden table that would probably go pretty well together with the chair. For a moment, you forgot what you were here for, the employee not making any more noises, but his presence atill strong behind you. The whole scene reminded of a horror movie and you wondered if you’re going to be murdered. Honestly, it wouldn’t be a surprise.

Then, as if on que, the man placed his hands on your shoulders, probably in a reassuring manner, but unfortunately, it made you feel fairly uncomfortable. Wait, where was the helmet?

“Miss, please relax, you’re too stiff” He said, voice hoarse and heavy, result of smoking for a real long time. It was almost possible to hear the way his vocal chords struggled and stretched to create coherent sound and you briefly wondered why would they hire someone with such an upsetting voice.  

Shifting in the creaky chair apparently wasn’t enough of an indicator for the other to lift his hands up, so you had to straighten up and shrug them off yourself. Thankfully, they were off quick, so you went back to your previous laid-back position, awaiting whatever was to come next.  

“I’m okay, please proceed” You sighed out, eyes fixed onto a dark dot on the wall on the other side, maybe six or so meters away. Silence enrolled for what seemed like an eternity, although in reality it was only for about ten seconds. The man took a deep breath, readying his damaged lungs for the long speech he was about to give.

“I’d please you to stay calm, to clear your thoughts for a while,” he began, walking around so his thighs were right in front of your face, “it will help with the procedure”. Then, crouching down, he held the helmet out for you to see. “Once you wake up, a whole new world will be showcased to you. It could be a location you’ve never been to before, or maybe even the comfort of your own home, but the experience will be one of a kind”. Somehow, those words sounded intriguing, reminding you of the true reason why coming here was a final decision. Panic Room was a completely new, one of a kind experience, one that had tempted you for far too long. Many friends had tried it, complimenting the technology and describing their adventures, always with so many details, emotion. Every story you heard sounded like an action movie, in which almost everyone played a role of a fearless hero. Truly, it was a possibility that they were lying, making up, polishing and shaping their experience into a completely different one – facing your biggest fears just didn’t seem that easy. Still, there was a certain amount of want to have a special story to your name too.

“Whatever you see, whatever you hear, feel, know that it isn’t real” the man continued and those were the exact words you looked forward to hearing the most. They served as additional reassurance and although not necessary, were much appreciated. “Nothing out there can really hurt you, no matter how real it feels. Remember that. It’s all in your head, you’re in complete power over this room, Miss”. That didn’t sound right, therefore your mind struggled to understand the logic behind everything the other said. How was that even possible when they were the ones controlling this whole thing?  

“When does it end?” The calm in your words managed to surprise you.  

“It all depends on you, Miss” The man said, seemingly unclasping something tricky on the bottom of the helmet. His long fingers worked quick, result of great experience, or may haps showcasing just how used they were to the same pattern he repeated every day. “It’s entirely up to you to end it. Although, it often seems to break a person before they’re set free, so be careful. The key is not letting your mind deceive you”.  

With that, the other stood up and lifted his hands, black object held low above your head. No words were exchanged, only silent noises of agreement that now was the right time. Soon, soft and plush fabric was touching your cheeks and forehead, complete darkness enveloping you. It was nothing compared to the darkness you encounter upon blinking, or sleeping – it seemed much darker than that, something that writers would describe as pitch black. Against your temples, there were two cold bars of what you supposed were metal. No noises were to be heard, almost as if the room was sucked free of air, vacuum filling it instead. The man from before was probably gone, or at least you assumed he was, before you touched the helmet and tried to move it just out of pure curiosity. It didn’t budge.

“What are you scared of?” A strange voice spoke right into your ears, earning a yelp in return. The voice was so close and so clear, almost like an ASMR video. There were in-built speakers and that didn’t seem like a surprising discovery anymore. Upon not receiving a verbal answer, the person repeated their question again, adding your name to the sentence, only to make it more personal and gain much wanted attention.  

“I don’t know” You replied, probably too loud for your liking.  

“Well, that’s a shame, should we show you?” They added, but the question was rhetorical. An answer wasn’t needed because they would do it anyway, the contract you signed before entering granting them the power.  

There was a flare before your eyes, one of huge intensity, almost blinding. The light made you disoriented, sudden feeling of dizziness present for only a quick moment, before you head dropped and body relaxed. Your upper body bent slightly, hands freely dangling off your sides, fingers not too far away from the ground. To a spectator, if the room had any windows they could observe through, you’d appear dead. Still, the concreate walls had no windows, and your figure was still very much alive between them.  

“You may take off the helmet”  

So, you did. But oh god how you wished that you didn’t.

Because surely, this shouldn’t have been it.

The room you were currently positioned in, was pitch black, save for the faint light seeping through the closet curtains. It didn’t reach far though, for the plastic blinds were covering most of the window. Despite the dark, you managed to recognize the caramel couch, black mat and most importantly, a huge philodendron in the corner of the room.  

It was your living room.

The living room of the apartment you shared with Yoongi.

Maneuvering around the living room quick, familiar with positions of the furniture, you walked towards the light switch, flicking it on in swift motion. Uncertain and mildly scared of what was about to happen, you crouched down and shielded your head, remaining motionless for a few seconds. There were no unusual noises, just the sound of wind throwing branches of the nearby tree against the window to your left. Staying put a few more seconds, you speculated that no one was inside of the room, as they would’ve approached you much sooner. Yet, upon standing up and doing a quick scan of your surroundings, you concluded that you actually weren’t alone.  

There, sitting on a high chair at the kitchen counter, was Yoongi. His head was resting on his bicep, right hand sprawled out, while the other tracked invisible circles on the marble of the counter. His black hair looked messy, soft strands falling all over the place, soft light reflecting off its shiny surface. Yoongi’s dark eyes were vacant, empty of any emotion. His finger never once failed to track another one of the circular motions.

Yoongi’s reaction was either non-existent, or extremely delayed. In such circumstances, one would have an immediate response, or at least that’s what you supposed. Lack of interest from his side at your rather sudden intrusion bugged you. Something itched at the back of your mind, a piece of past that kept prodding deeper and deeper into your consciousness, slowly cooling the blood that flowed through your veins.  

Even after twenty more seconds, there was no reaction from your boyfriend. His eyes were trained onto a smear on the window, looking but not seeing. It was a worriless state, somewhere between bliss and unconsciousness that Yoongi was bathing in. It was a condition that he kept running back to, similar to how people drank alcohol to forget about their troubles for a short while. The distant expression on his face was all too familiar, one that you hoped you’ll never see again. It took days of begging for you boyfriend to seek help and weeks of rehabilitation for him to learn how to fight the urges to just disappear.  

Yet there he was, enjoying that same experience, a vial in his right hand, used syringe resting just a few centimeters away from his face. A thick leather belt was wrapped around the bicep he was leaning on, the buckle undone and moved two holes down.  

“Yoongi” you called out, taking cautious steps around the couch, approaching the other from a wider angle. Once you came into his field of vision, Yoongi’s irises moved almost way too fast, catching you like a deer in the headlights. Truly, the moment was creepy, neither of you speaking, just checking each other out like predator and prey. Which one of those two were you?

“Yoongi, hey” whispering once again, you watched his dilated pupils dance, already way bigger than what you were used to seeing. The black seemed to take most of his iris, one of many indicators that it hasn’t been long before Yoongi injected himself. His breaths were calm, way too calm.

Ketamine. Yoongi was back on ketamine and shattered is a huge understatement of what state your heart was currently in. That damned drug nearly took your boyfriend away from you on a silly, seemingly harmless night in a bar a while ago. Or perhaps it would’ve been the alcohol he was so willing to take that night that would’ve taken him away. You hoped that after that unfortunate night, his promise was a strong one; hoped that the upcoming therapy was going to work.  

Seemingly, the hours of bliss and escape were more important than you. The hallucinations were frequently bad, very bad, you knew that. Yet, the creatures that walked before and occasionally ran up to him, whispering, often screaming in his ears were a much more pleasurable company. Maybe it was the lack of physical feeling and sense of space and time, the vulnerability of it all, or the clearance of thoughts that he was addicted to. You couldn’t understand, or may haps your mind just didn’t want to accept the fact that Yoongi was dependent on this toxic liquid. Was? Is.

“Good evening” Yoongi spoke up, words coherent, but barely only. You noticed that his point finger had stopped circling around the marble, now resting on the inner elbow of his other arm. His hand seemed to cover something up and you knew very well what it was. Two or so red dots, leaking a bright red mixture of blood and leftover ketamine that didn’t make it inside of his bloodstream. Yoongi wasn’t covering the punctures because he was ashamed, no, the man had no shame in this state, he was doing it purely because of you. Even in this horribly intoxicated condition, your boyfriend was aware that the least he could do was cover himself up. “You came home early”.  

“Yeah, yeah I came home early” you replied, taking a seat across from him, eyes becoming glassy the more you looked at the sight before you. There was a silent debate going on inside of your mind, an angel and its devil brother disagreeing about your upcoming actions once again. There were so many yet so little words to say. So much, yet nothing to do. How does someone deal with futile hope?

Silence fell upon the living room, but you could hear it making fun of you. It stuck out its tongue and held the L sign above its head, laughing right at your face. Not at Yoongi, but at you. His head moved, chin lifting up and adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed when your eyes met.  

You don’t know what you expected to see in Yoongi’s eyes, but there was hope that it would be something. Guilt, regret, sorry, hell even bliss, just a quick glimpse of a little something. But they were empty. Dark voids with nothing inside of them. It began to hurt much worse now. Your boyfriend’s doping himself up, and for what? Quite literally nothing.

When the first tear rolled down your cheek, there was a sudden sound of glass shattering, and something wet splashing against your feet. Although it wasn’t necessary, a quick glance downwards proved that the broken glass, was indeed the ketamine vial that Yoongi just let go of. The clear liquid was expanding in a shiny puddle on the floor. The vial didn’t steal nearly as much attention as the syringe was, nausea hitting you harder each time you looked at it. You grabbed the dangerous object and threw it on the floor, proceeding to step on hard, listening to the satisfying creaks of it breaking.

It was hard not to cry; tears unwillingly escaped and quiet sobs filled the air as nothing continued to happen. You were uncertain what would hurt more, conversation Yoongi would be half-present in, or this humiliating silence that enrolled. Disappointment was evident in your eyes, a mix of reasons behind it. Surely, this was all a dream, this wasn’t real, but it felt like it was. The pang in your chest was hitting harder and harder, heart barely enduring blows from each side and you thought that it might just break.

“I’m sorry” Yoongi spoke up, but his apology wasn’t sincere. His words were empty, and it made the whole situation that much worse. Composure was tough to maintain and you found yourself cracking soon. Yoongi’s half-lidded eyes, although unintentional, bore holes right into yours, expecting something back from you. Yet, he received nothing. Nothing but a sight of his girlfriend looking back, cheeks stained with tears, eyes puffy and nose red. Fuck, he should do something. Yoongi should’ve sat up, cradled you in his tight hold and sincerely apologized. Yet, he found his muscles to be way too relaxed for such action. It wasn’t intentional to hurt his dearest, but the temptation, the distress was too much. Three months and two days, perhaps it was time for you to find out once again. It was on his mind all the time, and Yoongi cursed ketamine for having psychological instead of physical withdrawal symptoms, for he maybe would’ve fought those easier.

“When were you going to tell me?” You asked, hands coming up to prop yourself on the counter, trying to hide the sweat that excessively dripped from your palms. Yoongi took a deep breath at that question, chest expanding to a size you thought wasn’t possible.  

“Never, probably”.

At that, you bit your lower lip, hand turning to look outside the window, eyes tracking nameless faces passing by. Oh, how you wished it were you, far away from this chaos, far away from Yoongi.  

“So, I now get front row seats to watch you disappear once again?”  

“You had them for quite some time” Yoongi admitted, shameless demeanor once again stepping into the party. It was hard to understand his words, for they have been barely above a whisper and slurred, but they also made no sense. You wondered if your fear had created some sickening alternative universe where Yoongi was still a drug addict, otherwise “quite some time” wouldn’t make sense.  

“Have you ever thought about my feelings, Yoongi?” You asked, hand twitching, wishing to reach out and hold his. In this moment, even the slightest amount of comfort seemed appealing.  

“And have you ever thought about mine?” Although weak, his voice had a pinch of something in it, it sounded rather brusque, maybe even aggressive. Yoongi wasn’t the type to bite back, so to say that his answer was rather surprising, would be a strong statement. Still, his choice of words shocked you more, where did that come from? What was the cause of Yoongi’s suspicion that you didn’t care about his feelings? For fucks sake you were trying to save the man you loved from death.

“Have you ever thought about me not wanting to move on from this? Maybe it will come back and bite me in the ass in the future, but I’d rather have that than face pain when I don’t have to!” The last part came out in a yell, his way of speaking much clearer and louder. Yoongi was now sitting up, hands placed on both sides of his temple. There was sudden shift of mood, air now heavy with distress and worry, and one would’ve blamed you for sudden outburst from the man, but you knew, you just knew to recognize when it was the drug talking.

It was unknown when and how much Yoongi had injected into his bloodstream, but you thought that it was only now the drug had begun to work. His reactions were mostly predictable, or at least that’s how you remembered them, but there still was a little dose of concern filling your body.  

“Just let me escape peacefully, it’s the least you can do”

Now that hit the wrong nail.

“The least I can do? As if I hadn’t paid for your god damn rehabilitation Min Yoongi! As if I hadn’t fucking begged you to stop, were next to you for a whole month to make sure you were mentally stable to move on!” You yelled, hands thrown in the air to emphasize just how much disbelief you were going through right now. It irritated you – his selfish manner, as if ketamine wasn’t harming you too.  

“I fucking love you! I love you with my whole heart, every little piece of you, I was willing to deal with this addiction of yours so we could live until we’re eighty years old, have bought our own villa and travelled the world! I had imagined all of those things and motivated myself to pull through the withdrawal, be a constant source of support, it wasn’t easy for me either! I’m watching you die Yoongi! I’m watching this horrible drug taking you piece by piece from me and I can’t do anything! Not when you’re just giving up on fighting back! How fucking selfish can you be Min Yoongi!?”  

Just a moment before you stood up and all but ran towards the bathroom, you analyzed the way your boyfriend reacted. It was an unexpected sight, so to say. His mouth was slightly ajar, eyes hooded and pupils dilated, but attentive. If it wasn’t for the light reflecting off his whites, you’d probably miss the thin layer of (supposed) tears. But before Yoongi could say anything, you were gone, bathroom door shut as you slid down them.

That’s when the sobbing finally hit, tears falling down in what seemed like continuous waves. Your shoulders were jumping up and down, all while your legs shook, and it was fortunate that you weren’t standing up, for you would’ve surely collapsed. Weak yelps for help resonated between the thin walls, and even without paying attention, it was obvious that Yoongi would be able to hear them. In any other instance, it would’ve been foreseeable that he’ll come to check up on you, but will he now? His understanding of your ability to deal with problems alone seemed to borrow you enough time to get everything out of your system before facing him again.

Except, it never happened. Suddenly, everything went black and your body relaxed, chin falling to meet your chest, arms open and resting on your sides. It was an instant reaction to something, and you were soon to find out what, as it seemed to wake you up from a state of deep sleep, head once again engulfed in plush and tight material.  

The helmet was lifted off your head not much longer after that, eyes accommodating to the change of light, as you were back to the same old dull room, seated on the same creaky wooden chair. Your eyes scanned the man before you, identifying him as the one who explained the whole concept and helped put the helmet on. His face was painted with a fairly expectant expression, probably anticipating comments to spill out of your mouth instantly, much like everyone who has ever been in Panic Room.

But the reaction he received from you wasn’t anything he had experienced before. You stood up, shoving him away as you ran towards the open door, hoping to see someone right outside. The simulation left you feeling anxious, apprehension eating you alive, although it really shouldn’t have. This whole experience was just a simulation, not a reality, but still, it caused endless amounts of concern to flood your system. What you feared didn’t have to be true, and you were trying to list all of these reasons why the simulation could never come true. Desperation seemed to get the best of your thoughts. It was an irrational fear, that should’ve been left at that, but it was a fact that the feeling of unsettlement would be gnawing on your mind until it wasn’t satisfied with proper knowledge and proof.

Indeed, Yoongi was waiting on the outside, fingers wrapped around his black iPhone. Upon hearing steps coming from the direction of the entrance, he lifted his gaze up and smiled at you. This expression was different from the one you saw just a few minutes ago. It was sincere, full of emotion that was easy to read and understand. Oh how you wished that was enough to stop the curiosity from killing the cat.

No words were exchanged though, your unreadable expression woke up confusion in the other and hesitation held him back from commenting. What did you see? He didn’t know. Should he ask? He wasn’t certain.  

Yet, the moment your hands grabbed hold of his right arm, alarming amount of fear splashed him like a Hawaiian wave. Pure shock and tension were oh so evident on Yoongi’s face, eyes carefully studying each and every move of your hands. As you lifted the sleeve of his plaid shirt up, his arms began shaking and Yoongi cursed under his breath, only hoping that it wasn’t loud enough for you to hear. Yoongi didn’t know what to do, he wanted to distract you from whatever you were doing, to ask what’s happening, to run away, hide, and it took him some time to decide what his next move will be. There was way too much suspicion going on and it was the least of his wishes to rise more of them.

The bandage around his inner elbow wasn’t wrapped as right as you remember it being this morning – still that would’ve been blamed as consequence of arm movement. Only if Yoongi hadn’t determined to jerk his arm out of your hold, meeting your eyes with the guiltiest expression one could ever have.

“What are you doing?” He asked, eyes wide open. Upon two seconds of quicker closer inspection, you noticed his eyes dancing, unable to stay focused and calm on one spot. His cheeks were also flushed and suddenly there were so many details that turned on even more sirens in your head. Forcing his elbow straight again, you held him tight, fingers reaching up to peel off the adhesive plaster that held the bandage together, just to make the next action that much easier. The whole time you held his gaze, trying to find something in his eyes, something that would stop your actions, tell you that what you were doing was pointless. Still, the bandage was off and carelessly thrown on the ground in record time, eyes finally moving down to Yoongi’s shaking hand, focusing fast on the smooth skin of his inner elbow.

A cry escaped your lips at the sight.

There were two dots, red patches of skin spreading in a circle around them.

“How would you like to rate the experience of the Panic Room simulation?”

Simulation. Real life. Simulation. What was the difference anymore?

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

AN: Happy birthday Yoongi! My first ever bias, that I ult even 3 years later. I wish you all the happiness in this world, health, wealth and for all of your wishes to come true. You’ve achieved so much for these six years that you’ve been on the worldwide scene and I’m so proud of you. I’m proud of you for fighting like a real warrior with all the pressure that’s put on your. I’m thankful for all the songs you write, compose, produce, for they have helped me a lot in some of my most crucial moments in life. May this 26th year of your life be the best one yet and each upcoming year even better. Happy birthday my smol angel <3

I had a lot of fun writing this, and although I could’ve written a much lighter theme for Yoongi’s birthday, I decided to publish this concept I had wanted to write for a pretty long time. Hopefully you liked it. I also disappeared for way too long, I’m sorry. I had little to no inspiration for writing, shcool has been making me stressed and it’s pretty much life just giving me a cold shoulder again.Hopefully I’ll have enough time to write again.

[talkingstarwars]

Last Jedi positives and negatives, plus predictions for Episode IX!

Alright, enough time has passed and I think it’s okay for me to finally give my spoiler thoughts on The Last Jedi and predictions for the future (plus I haven’t had time to write something here specifically until now!)

Right out of the gate: I like The Last Jedi. I think I like it as much as The Force Awakens, but I like each film for very different reasons. TLJ took way more chances and was much more subversive than TFA, which I greatly appreciated. However, there are so many problems that I have with this movie. I know that sounds really negative, but here me out! I love Star Wars, but I also love movies. Upon first viewing I watched The Last Jedi as a Star Wars fan, and the second time I looked at it with a more critical eye.

Let’s get the problems I had with the movie out of the way first.

1) I hated everything that had to do with Canto Bight. Like, legitimately hated. It dragged upon the pacing and every time they cut back to it, I found myself checking my watch and hoping they’d go back to something more interesting. I thought its “message” was too on-the-nose and delivered poorly. It felt so prequelish and cartoony to me that I rolled my eyes more than once. I like Finn. I kinda like Rose. They were not serviced properly at all. Finn was one of my favorite characters and I felt like he was reduced to an ultimately meaningless side quest. Honestly, I look forward to fast forwarding through all the Canto Bight sequences once I get my hands on the Blu-Ray. And before you tell me the deeper meaning of the sequence, listen: I got it. I got everything that they were trying to say, but the execution didn’t work for me. It was too long, too. 45 minutes on that dumb planet felt like 90. Also, some of the effects look a little wonky, especially when Finn and Rose were riding those horse things through the city streets.

2) Leia’s Superman moment. It really pains me to say this because I miss Carrie Fisher with my whole heart and she gave a hell of a performance in this movie. But it was just to weird for me, seeing her fly through the stars like that using the Force. I’m glad that she used the Force but jeez, it was strange and took me out of the moment.

3) Snoke’s death. Alright, so this is a tough one. I love, love, love the manner in which Snoke died (more on that later), but I can’t help but worry about what this really means. The Force Awakens told the audience which questions to ask and what questions were important; one of those being “who is Snoke?” He was set up as this Big Bad™️ and was killed by almost nothing. Look, I know this whole movie’s deal was “subverting expectations” and being “unexpected”, but this is a mistake that the prequels had. Killing off your villains too early doesn’t give your main character a good motivation to keep fighting. Think about it: if Darth Maul hadn’t died and was the ancillary villain throughout the prequels, there would have been more emotional weight in Obi Wan’s journey (don’t @ me with that “but Maul was in the Clone Wars TV show!” Let’s keep the talk to movies, but I do love TCW a lot.) I think Snoke needed to be a driving force for Kylo Ren in his struggle with both the Dark and Light Sides. Clearly I don’t know what is going to happen in Episode IX, it could be the greatest story ever for all we know, but for now I thought the character of Snoke was, quite frankly, wasted. I felt no impact when he died, other than the impact that came with the rest of the scene. I wish we had known more about him, that’s all! One line of dialogue about who Snoke was or “he’s like, super crazy powerful with the Force because of X, Y, and Z.” I needed more from Snoke to feel any weight/impact when he was killed. What had already been presented to me about Snoke (which wasn’t a lot, I think we can all agree) was not enough for me. Maybe we’ll learn more about him in a book or a comic or in Episode IX.

4) Right, so where the hell were the Knights of Ren? Again, something that was presented as important to the audience in The Force Awakens and was not elaborated on. I think this- coupled with my previous ramblings on Snoke, the revelations about Rey’s parents, and some other story beats- show that there is a lack of a complete vision with this story. I appreciate the fact that Lucasfilm is letting storytellers tell their stories, and have creative freedom over projects (for the saga films, not the stand alones apparently). That being said, it didn’t feel like JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson collaborated and compromised as much as they should have. Look at Marvel; each story can stand alone but there is clearly an overarching story. I understand that this is “Rey’s journey”, but it would be nice if there was a supervisor (à la Kevin Feige) overseeing this saga. Yes, I understand that many feel as if the Marvel films are formulaic, but one must see that they’re still letting filmmakers tell their stories (see Thor: Ragnarok. That was 100% a Taika Watiti film.) It felt like there was a large disconnect between The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi. If the Marvel analogy didn’t satisfy you, let’s look at the original Star Wars trilogy. George Lucas did not direct all of those movies. He did not write all of them. But he was the head of story development, and they all felt connected and like there was one overarching narrative. These are just my opinions, mind you! For me, I wish that there was more connective tissue between 7 and 8 and that certain story threads weren’t dropped/disregarded.

5) This is a slippery slope, and not completely a negative, but sometimes...sometimes Rose didn’t work for me. Overall, I thought she was a good addition to the saga and Kelly Marie Tran is a DELIGHT, but her line delivery was a little rough and her one-sided affection for Finn fell completely flat. This was a super minor issue! Don’t hate me, please. If you loved everything about Rose, awesome! This movie is yours to enjoy and pick apart, and you should never change your opinions based on those of others. Live your life.

6) Ah, Luke Skywalker. One thing: I don’t believe for a second, based solely off of what we know about Luke’s character, that he’d ever consider killing his nephew. Just hear me out, please, I know this is a iffy subject for most fans. Specifically, I don’t think Luke would have ever turned on that damn lightsaber, even for a moment. I know we’ve seen Luke straight up MURDER fools (see Jabba’s sail barge) and we’ve seen him tempted by the Dark Side (see when he was tempted to kill the Emperor or when he was tempted to kill Darth Vader.) Almost killing Vader and thinking about murdering Ben Solo are completely different. Vader had actually done all those horrible things; Luke only saw a glimpse into the future of Ben Solo. One of Yoda’s chief lessons to Luke was that the future is always in motion. Luke would have had hope, he wouldn’t have thought (even for a second!) that killing the son of his sister and best friend would be a good idea. Luke would have spoken to him, Luke would have tried to make amends. Vader, Ben Solo, the Emperor, those drunk idiots on Jabba’s barge; all different scenarios. All in all, I didn’t agree with this decision with Luke’s character. Oh well, it’s not my choice, it’s not my story, as much as I would like it to be. I’m a Star Wars fan, and I love these characters so so much. Still, it’s okay to formulate opinions about things you care about.

7) I could live without DJ. Honestly I thought they wasted Benicio Del Toro’s talents. I think he was much more suited for either a Resistance official or Knight of Ren, not some stuttering Lando Calrissian antithesis. I get the lesson he taught to Finn about arms dealing, but his character got on my nerves. Maybe it was just intensified by my dislike for Canto Bight.

8) The plot device of “the characters didn’t communicate” is cheap. I am, of course, referring to Holdo not informing Poe about what she was up to. Was Poe a lower ranking official? Yes. Still, Holdo must’ve known that he was still one of Leia’s most valuable soldiers. She could have told him something! This could have avoided Canto Bight and cut down on the film’s long run time. This would have given a stronger relationship between Holdo and Poe, further showing how he will be trusted with the future of the Resistance.

Here’s a quick run-down of other things I had a problem with:

Hux was even more of a cartoon character, and it was annoying

The fact that Rose stopped Finn from sacrificing himself! It could've been a really powerful moment but she came in with an out-of-left-field message that doesn't mean anything because they had no chemistry! (And I'm not referring to the purposeful awkwardness; this is just them together in general.)

The fact that Poe said “big ass door”

Final Finn/Phasma confrontation, mostly because Phasma was still grossly underdeveloped and showing part of her face did very little to humanize her.

Luke throwing the lightsaber over his shoulder like the legacy of his father and his past meant nothing! I understand that Luke wanted to be left alone, but even he still had a heart. He should've taken it and grumpily walked away instead of throwing the damn thing so nonchalantly.

GEEZ, DID YOU ACTUALLY LIKE ANYTHING FROM THIS FILM?! Yes, yes, I like so much about this film! Let me explain all my positives!

1) That Luke and Yoda scene put the biggest smile on my face. That was bonafide Empire Strikes Back puppet Yoda! I love the message Yoda gave to Luke, I love how he bopped his former trainee on the head with his walking stick, and I loved how they burned the Force tree. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite Star Wars scenes of all time, I think. It felt so organic and genuine, and I loved every minute of it. That was the kind of moment and dialogue that makes me love Star Wars!

2) I loved that Rian Johnson TOOK CHANCES. He managed to keep my guessing through the movie and presented us with situations that expanded the Star Wars story. One of my biggest complaints with The Force Awakens (which is shared with many) was that it felt so familiar. I appreciate the Rian Johnson made this film his own. And yes, I liked the Force-projection that Luke did at the end (aka Force doppelgänger or whatever.) I lost it when Luke brushed his shoulder in his confrontation with Ben Solo. Gold. Pure gold.

3) The Rey/Kylo Ren team up fight is a top-five Star Wars moment for me. What a battle. Especially in a filmmaking perspective; the fight choreography was exquisite and the wide shots of them back-to-back taking on the Praetorian guards looked SO GOOD. Also, I was tricked into think that this was Ben’s turn to the light side, and was promptly misdirected. Nice job, Rian; you got me. What an emotional, rage-fueled battle. It shows us the obvious compatibility of the two, their interconnectedness, and the sad truth of their separation. You cannot have light without darkness. Somehow, in some way, those two- they complete each other.

4) Porgs. I am pro-porg. Porgs are friends, not food. Thank god they did not go the way of the Gungan.

5) We got a force-bond, people. Not gonna lie, this might be one of my largest positives with the film because it was one of my predictions that came true... Anyways, I loved every interaction of Rey and Kylo Ren. Even the shirtless scene, which was obviously just to show the audience that Rey could see him- it was only for this, nothing more, clearly. Still, these two are the heart of our story; our Skywalker and our Scavenger. The light and the dark. Yin and yang. Peanut butter and jelly. The dynamic duo, if you will.

6) There were some damn good space battles. This includes: the opening bombing run, Kylo Ren almost blowing up the Resistance bridge, the outmatched Resistance fleet trying to flee to Crait, Holdo sacrificing herself for the Resistance. I like my space battles. (Although, to be fair, the bombs “dropping” in space bothered me a bit. Oh well, screw physics.)

7) Amilyn Holdo is a good character. This is because I am bringing outside knowledge about her with me when I view this film, which makes her death more impactful. I do think it’s unfair to the audience at large when people say “if you only read the book this moment in the movie would be better.” I think that’s a little annoying; you shouldn’t have to read a book/comic to understand a character. The film should give them their due. Was Holdo, in terms of the film, a little underdeveloped? Yes. That doesn’t take away from the impact of her sacrifice and devotion to the cause.

8) There were a lot of good lessons in this film, including, but not limited to:

Failure is the greatest teacher

You can come from nothing and still be something

Your worth does not lie in your past

Forge your own destiny

Don’t drink green milk from strange aliens

9) This movie made me excited for Rian Johnson’s trilogy and Episode IX. It was, like I said, effective in expanding lore and making the universe feel bigger! I mean, it’s also not like Lucasfilm doesn’t already own my soul. I will see everything they put out.

10) I liked the circumstances surrounding the reveal of Rey’s true lineage. Would I have liked her to be a descendant of Obi Wan Kenobi? Of course. Would the story be elevated by the parallel of a Skywalker training a Kenobi vs a Kenobi training a Skywalker? Possibly. Was I a tad bit disappointed when Rey actually turned out to be a nobody. Yes, and I won’t deny that, but the more I dwell on it the more I like the decision. I read some article that summed it all up perfectly: not only was that the hardest thing for Rey to hear at the moment, it was the hardest thing for the audience to hear as well. Considering the circumstances, this was a critical point in the bonding of Rey and Ben. It also further develops the theme that you can come from anywhere and still be a hero (just look at Broom Kid at the end.) I also think this moment revealed the dangers of speculation; we, as dedicated Star Wars fans, sometimes need to take a step back and realize that this story is not in our hands. I know a lot of the disappointment that stemmed from this movie came from the fact that people’s theories were not made a reality. This is not healthy film going! I am a victim to it. Still, all that being said, The Force Awakens and JJ Abrams pretty much told us to speculate about where Rey came from; she was important, her lineage was important. How could her strength with the Force be explained otherwise? Well, Rian Johnson took over and he gave us the answer; just not the one we were expecting.

11) Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill were so good in this movie. I miss Carrie so so much, and Mark brought such a good energy to the film as a beaten down, tired Luke Skywalker. Their “reunion” made me smile so much. Love you, Carrie.

12) Kylo Ren is a complex, compelling, and damaged character portrayed impeccably by Adam Driver. Every time Kylo Ren came on screen we pulled back a layer of his psyche and got to understand why he is the way that he is. I soaked up every minute of his screen time. If you still think he’s a whiny kid not worthy to be amongst the likes of Vader, the Emperor, and Maul as a great Star Wars villain, I respect your opinion but I'd have to politely disagree. Driver, once again, gives a great performance.

Alright, so I'm just going to spare you from reading anymore and do a quick list of the rest of the things I liked:

battle of Crait

Resistance ship going through Snoke’s ship at lightspeed

Chewie cooking a porg

Luke and R2 in the Falcon

Kylo Ren force-slamming Hux against a wall

Hux getting force-choked by Snoke

Hux getting taunted by Poe

Poe Dameron, in general

Billie Lourd as Connix

Droids!

References to other movies (palapatine reference specifically)!

Everything about the Luke/Kylo fight: the brushing of the shoulder, the fake-out, the dialogue, everything

Luke ended where he began: with twin suns. Beautiful imagery.

And much more!

So, thanks TLJ for making the last month or so of my life consumed by Star Wars debate (which, if I'm being honest, isn't new.) I had a ton of fun at the movies, and now we throw ourselves right back into speculation time! So, here are my predictions for Star Wars Episode IX: Legacy of the Force (lol just a filler title don't have a hot scoop here):

Ghost Luke will guide Rey. Other ghost appearances to be aware of are: Yoda, Obi Wan, and Anakin Skywalker (who will appear as a man/machine hybrid and talk to Kylo Ren, not Rey.)

Kylo Ren will be redeemed.

Rey will start a new order of Jedi

Poe will take over the Resistance

Rose will become a pilot

The Knights of Ren will come out to play, one might be planning to betray Kylo, which might help him be pushed towards the Light Side

Ben Solo will die, but die a redeemed man, probably whilst trying to protect Rey

Chewie will die.

Leia’s funeral will be at the start of the movie, I will be crying my eyes out.

The Resistance will emerge victorious, but it won't be a...happy victory, per se.

We’ll learn more about Snoke

Rey will eventually build her own saberstaff using the crystal of Anakin’s saber

Resolution on Rey’s force vision from TFA

Rey will use the Dark Side but not give in to full temptation

The minds of Rey and Ben will be linked once more. Probably if Rey ha to track Ben down, she’ll open her mind to him or something like that

Lando Calrissian will come back

We will visit at least one planet from the Original Trilogy, because this is JJ Abrams were talking about and he doesn't want a lot of change. I think it’ll probably be Endor because that's where Luke cremated Vader, and I’d imagine that's a very important place for Kylo Ren

Is that too much to pack into one film? Absolutely! Did I already warn about the dangers of over speculation? Hell yeah, but like I do all the time I'm going to ignore my own advice! Speculation is all a part of the fun.

So, I hope you enjoyed The Last Jedi. And if you didn't like it, cool. I hope we can all just get along. Still, I’d be happy to duke it out. Meet me on Crait, where salt is more plentiful than it is in the voices of legions of angry fans.

[busan97fics]

Deadly: Part 02.

By: busans97 (busan97fics)

Pairing: OC x Jungkook

Word Count: 2,046

Warnings: mentions of cheating, violence, and sexual activities

Summary: Being a “hitman” (or woman, in this case) figure at eighteen is bizarre, but falling in love with a boy you’re supposed to kill in a matter of seven days is even more bizarre.

[check out the other parts of this story!]

(not my gif, creds to the owner)

I could hear a faint laugh over the phone. “Um…uh, I don’t know how else to put this. I…I think I have a job for you. I need you to….kill someone.”  

There was an brief uncomfortable silence before someone decided to talk.

"Jisu, are you sure about that?" I asked. "You sound...unsure."

Like I've said before, I hate finding out that I've killed an innocent person after a job. And Jisu doesn't sound too sure of herself: she's shaky, and can't even say the word kill without me feeling her wince over the phone.

"No, I'm positive," Jisu replied, sounding more confident than before, but a shakiness still lingered in her voice. "It's about my boyfriend. Well, my ex now."

My eyes widened. "Jungkook?"

"Yep. Him. He was just horrible in our relationship, you guys didn't see the half of it."

Jisu asking me to kill her (I guess now ex) boyfriend Jungkook really came as a shock to me. I've met Jungkook once or twice and from what I remember he was super sweet. He was a timid guy, and somewhat awkward, so I couldn't imagine what he could do wrong.

"Are we talking about the same Jungkook, Jisu? Because I am so confused on why you want me to kill him." I said. "I kill vicious rapists and abusers. Not teeny shy boys like Jungkook."

"That's what I mean!" Jisu answered, obviously frustrated. "He wasn't what everyone else saw him like. He was emotionally and mentally exhausting, and he's a cheater!"

I hesitated before saying something else. "Alright. 1) I can't kill someone just because they're 'emotionally exhausting' to you. That's not how it works. You can't just use me to kill someone you don't like for your dumb reasons. And 2) Cheating's more in my field. Explain to me how he's a cheater."

"Well, he'd get oddly distant from me suddenly and he was always on his phone. I suspected he was cheating because whenever I asked if he was okay, he'd avoid eye contact and get all nervous. And whenever I'd wanna...you know....fuck him, he'd never be in the mood. Never. A nineteen year old boy not in the mood for sex? Now that's strange."

"Alright, you got some fair points," I replied. "I'm still kind of iffy about this though. I've met him, plus he's such a ni–"

"20,000 dollars."

I paused. "What?"

"I'll pay you 20,000 dollars if you kill this boy. Deal?"

Jesus Christ. Although this money would help me immensely, I was still thinking about this job. I've never killed anyone I've met before, and I don't know how comfortable I'd be doing it. I've only killed complete strangers, so it's never phased me. But killing someone I've had multiple conversations with? It's just...bizarre to me. I decided to just answer truthfully.

"I...I'll think about it." I hung up before Jisu could say another word, and let out a deep sigh.

I walked back out to Yoongi's den and tried to look as calm and casual as possible, but it was too late.

"Who did she want you to kill?" Yoongi asked, clearly hinting that he heard my conversation.

"Jungkook," I said meekly. I quickly and awkwardly scratched the back of my head, hoping Yoongi and Hoseok heard me so I didn't have to repeat myself.

The two boys immediately turned around and a silence quickly occupied the apartment. Their eyes stared at me in disbelief.

"Wh...who did you say?" Hoseok asked, almost inaudibly.

"Jungkook," I repeated myself, speaking a tiny bit louder than last time.

"Jeon Jungkook? As in her ex boyfriend?" Yoongi asked dumbfounded.

"Yep, that's the one," I laughed nervously, regretting my decision to tell the boys about the job Jisu gave me.

"What the hell did you say?" Hoseok exclaimed. "You said no, right?"

I hesitated to answer the question. I was internally conflicted: I didn't say no, but I didn't agree upon it. I just needed the money. But this is one of their friends I was hired to kill, not some total stranger, like I said before. If I kill him everyone except for Jisu is gonna hate me for sure. But if I don't-

Hoseok fished me out of the deep thought I was in. "Right, Eunju?"

"Um, uh...I didn't say yes." I confessed. "I wasn't sure. I told her I'd think about it. She offered me $20,000! I couldn't turn that down."

"Jesus Christ, Eunju. He's just a kid," Yoongi said in disbelief, trailing off and repeating "He's just a kid".

"I know that, I really do," I replied. "She...she just told me that he's 'not what everyone thinks' of him. She says he's...or was different...when they we're alone."

Yoongi got up from the couch and paced before doing anything else. He sat down at the table in the kitchen, and motioned for me to sit down next to him.

"Eunju. Did Jisu tell you why her and Jungkook broke up?"

I shook my head. "Now that it occurs to me, no."

Yoongi shut his eyes let out a deep sigh before speaking again. "The night they broke up Jungkook came over here. He was banging on the door; he looked scared as hell. I asked him what happened, and he told me Jisu had threatened to kill herself if he left her. She was so afraid of losing him, but he was the one that wanted to break it off because their relationship wasn't going well. She never wanted to talk to him and if she did talk to him, she'd ask him to fuck. He didn't want a relationship solely based off sex, he's not that kind of guy. And when he explained that to her, she flipped her shit. That's when she threatened to kill herself, and when Jungkook finally got her to stop saying that, she changed sides and threatened to kill him. He ran 9 blocks to get away from the lunatic. She wants you to do what she couldn't finish, Eunju. You always rant about the assholes who ask you to do a job for revenge, right? She's one of them. She's a psycho bitch."

I knew Yoongi was probably right deep down inside, but there was just something that set me off after he called Jisu a "psycho bitch".

"First of all, let's not blame the victim here," I stated, clearly showing annoyance in Yoongi's remark. "Second of all, he could just be saying this shit. We can't just assume that he's right and Jisu's wrong. Think about it: Jisu threatening to kill someone? I honestly doubt that happened, no offense to Jungkook."

Yoongi gave me a bewildered look. "Eunju. He came here after running 9 blocks. Panting. Looking scared. As. Hell. He isn't lying."

I shot back a look of doubt. "You hardly talk to Jungkook. How would you know he's not lying?"

"You know I've known Jungkook longer than I've known Jisu, right?" Yoongi scoffed. "I was the one who set them up as a couple. Obviously it didn't work out."

"Since you've known Jisu for a shorter time than you've known Jungkook, how do you know that Jisu is the one lying here? I mean you basically said it yourself, you don't know Jisu as well as Jungkook." I raised my eyebrows, eager to hear a reply.

Yoongi looked conflicted. "No, I didn't mean that, all I meant was that I don't think–"

He shifted his eyes from his hands, which he was fidgeting with, to my face as if he was looking at me for approval. Noticing my unconvinced face, Yoongi rolled his eyes and laughed coldly.

"You know what, forget it. If you want to get yourself involved with this bullshit, go ahead. Just don't come crawling to me complaining to me when something goes wrong like you always do."

I felt my face gradually beginning to burn up. "When the fuck do I ever ask you for help? I guess you were the one who helped me move in to my own apartment, get my life somewhat together and helped me earn 10k a week, right?"

Yoongi sent me a blank look and just laughed. "Eunju, if I didn't find you you know you'd probably be dead at this point, right?"

I narrowed my eyes and gave Yoongi a cold look. "Don't even fucking joke about that."

I abruptly got up from the kitchen table and left Yoongi's apartment, slamming the front door shut on the way out.

The thing with Yoongi is that sometimes he acts like my big brother, and other times he acts like my big brother. It has its pros, and it has it's cons, and this shit was definitely a con. He likes to tell me what's good for me without actually thinking about me; there's absolutely no logic in it. According to him sometimes, he knows everything there is to know about anything, including my fucking life choices. And I'm the bad guy for wanting to help a desperate, scared woman.

I angrily marched down the mostly pitch black street, the only light being from people's apartments above. I took out my phone and called Jisu.

"Jisu? It's Eunju again. I've thought about it, and I'm up for the job. Call me back once you get this so we can meet somewhere."

I swirled my milkshake with my straw as I listened to Jisu ramble on about her relationship with Jungkook. I know she's the victim (according to me and only me, at least) but it seems like this meeting was her way of getting to explain her sob story to someone. I frankly could give less of a shit of how bad the sex was and how he could rarely find your clit. I'm not fucking here for this crap. I took the weight of my face off of the palm of my hand and gave a hopefully convincing smile to Jisu.

"Jisu, sweetie? I really am sorry that your relationship was horrible and that he...didn't buy you enough clothes...but when I said to tell me a little more about  relationship I meant tell me more of what you...emotionally struggled with."

Jisu laughed and softly slammed her hand on the table. "Oh God, I'm so sorry! Of course, I'm so dumb. Okay, let me get to that now then."

Took her long enough.

"For the ten months we dated, the majority of those months were great. He was probably one of the best boyfriends I had. Modest, kind, gentle, caring. But it was the last month or two of our relationship where things began to go downhill. Like I told you before, he was very distant and never wanted to do anything with me, and he seemed to be embarrassed whenever we were out together. He used to love PDA, but all of the sudden it stopped. He was just...impossible to have a relationship with."

I nodded sympathetically. "Did you ever confront him and ask him if he was cheating?"

"I did. Once." Jisu slightly titled her head down towards the diner table and was visibly beginning to shake. "Never again after that."

I furrowed my brows. "Why, what happened?"

Jisu let out a sigh. "He got angry. Real angry. He didn't hurt me or anything, but he did punch my wall and made a pre-tty big hole in it."

I've determined I heard enough and that it was time to take the job. I was still iffy about it, and partly doing it to prove a point to Yoongi which isn't a good idea, but I decided I'd just negotiate a deadline. It doesn't seem like it will be too hard with her.

"Alright, I'll do it. Give me 2 weeks and he'll be gone."

Judging from the look on her face, two weeks didn't seem to satisfy Jisu. "Two weeks?!"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Christ Eunju, how long does it take to point a gun at some dude's head and shoot him?"

She'd be surprised. "Uh...not too long I guess."

"Seven days. Take it or leave it."

"I'll...take it."

"Yay!" Jisu squealed. "Thanks so much! His friend Taehyung is throwing a party tomorrow night and Jungkook will more than likely be there. He's not much of a party guy, so he'll for sure be alone. You should go there first."

I gave a crooked smile and nodded. "I'll for sure be there."

And it begins.

[pt. 3]

[miyaameow]

If you take requests it would be amazing if you could do RFA+V&Saeran coming to MC with their friend and that would MC's abusive/mean ex? Just if you want, ofc. And I like your blog tho

omg this is gonna be angsty also thanks for liking my blog~ if you’re into MC seeing their ex lmao I got a funny headcanon where they Meet MC’s Ex. :)

P.S. I gave them names because y not??? don’t be offended when it’s ur name or whatever ok pls :( ily

Yoosung:

he was SO READY TO SHOW MC HIS BEST FRIEND ALLEN

they decided to meet at a nearby cafe but when he walked in, all he saw was MC standing in front of his friend

she had tears in her eyes, and coffee stains spilled down his friends white t-shirt

“MC? Allen? What happened…?”

his question was left unanswered

Allen grimaced at Yoosung apologetically

Yoosung looked at MC for an explanation, but her expression went dark, she looked at the floor and avoided his confused gaze

“MC, is everything-”

without another word, she ran out of the cafe with tears streaming down her face, pushing aside anyone and anything in her way

“MC!” he chased after her, but lost sight of her immediately after the door closed behind her

where did she go?

when he found her, it was already dark out

she was huddling against the wall of a back alleyway, shivering from the chilly winter air

“MC? Are you okay?” he approached her cautiously

“H- he’s my ex. The one I told you about. The one who hurt me every day like I was a pest under his control.”

he was so stunned he couldn’t speak

“Why did it have to be him, Yoosung? Why?”

MC looked like she was about to break

“It doesn’t. Not anymore, anyway. He’s no longer my friend. No one who dares to hurt you is my friend. No one.”

Zen:

he felt a little iffy about it at first, you know, introducing MC to his friend

sure, he was the one dating MC but his friend was good looking too

maybe not as hot as he was ;)) but still, he was a little insecure

so fast forward to the day of

MC was waiting at the park bench, where they’d promised to meet

and as she saw Zen approaching, she excitedly stood up to greet him

but as soon as she saw the guy next to him, her expression changed completely

“MC! This is Michael, the guy I’ve been wanting to introduce to you for…”

“MC, are you listening?”

MC’s hands were clenched into tight fists, shaking slightly with anger

“I know who he is. I know him better than you ever will.” her voice was low, it sounded as if she was choking on every word she spat out

“What do you mean?” Zen reached out for MC’s hand, but she flung his hand away; looking up at him, he could see her face twisted with horror, fear and pain

“He’s my ex, Zen.” 

Zen’s eyes widened at that statement, not before long, he realized what she meant by that - who she meant

without a second thought, he punched Michael in the face

with barely enough time to react from the blow, Michael was then pushed to the ground with a loud thud

“I can’t believe it. And to think I thought you were a good person. I must’ve been blinded by your face - but not anymore. Now all I see, is the ugliest person in front of me. You disgust me. Get out of here.”

Jaehee:

Jaehee was going through a few old photos of her highschool graduation

she was suddenly struck with a sudden realization

MC had never meet her best friend Sophie

“MC, come over here!”

she ran from the kitchen to join Jaehee on the living room floor with her stack of photo albums

“Look, this is was my best friend in college. She helped me through a lot of tough times. I haven’t contacted her a while because I’ve been busy with work, but I’m sure if I give her a text we could meet up some-”

“No.”

Jaehee was shocked at MC’s blunt answer

“It’s okay, she’s nice. And she’ll be so happy to hear that you and I’ve started dating!”

“No. No, she wont Jaehee.”

“But..”

“LISTEN TO ME. SHE WON’T LIKE SEEING ME WITH YOU. SHE HATES KNOWING THAT I’M HAPPY. ALL SHE’S EVER DONE… all she’s ever done is…”

MC was shaking, her eyes watering with tears who threatened to fall at any moment.

another word, and MC could fall apart

“Tell me.”

“She’s only hurt me from the moment I met her. I knew her back in college too, Jaehee. She was in my tutorial, and we hit it off right away but as time went by… she became exceedingly possessive. She hurt me because she didn’t trust me. She thought that leaving scars would-”

“That’s enough. I don’t want to hear anymore. I don’t want you to think about this anymore either. Let’s… let’s just go to bed, okay?”

Jumin:

aside from V, he didn’t have many childhood friends who lasted with him through all these years

there was, however, someone he really wanted MC to meet

and that was Chris, a nice guy who was outgoing but hardworking as well

“MC, tonight we’ll have dinner with an old colleague of mine, is that fine?”

“Sure, what’s his name?”

“Chris Lee”

MC tensed up at the sound of his name. it was surely just a coincidence… right?

when they arrived at the restaurant, Jumin began to approach the table nearest to the window that panned over the cityscape of lights and skyscrapers 

from afar, MC had already began to feel a wave of anxiousness twist her gut. Chris Lee. Blond hair, cobalt blue suit, black tie. 

It was him, and he hadn’t changed one bit

MC stopped walking as they passed by the bar

“MC? The table is up front, do you wish to visit the ladies room first?”

“Y- yeah.”

Jumin left for the table and had a nice chat with Chris, catching up on their business issues and other news

but soon, Jumin noticed that MC was taking an exceptionally long time; he was worried that she might have fainted

He asked a waitress to help him check the ladies room, but when she came back, she told him the bathroom was empty

Jumin ran outside and found MC sitting on the curb of road

“MC, what are you doing out here? It’s cold and not to mention rude for us to-”

“I can’t get any closer to him than this. Any further and I’d throw up.”

MC was wringing her hands, a sign, Jumin remembered, something she did whenever she mentioned her ex, Chris L… oh.

“I’m sorry, MC. Let’s go home. I’ll let him know dinner’s off, and so is our business deal.”

707:

most hackers didn’t have friends - only enemies and government authorities

but Seven was different. he did have a friend: Mason

Mason was his church mate, a friend who knew his secret, but kept it regardless.

Seven decided that a beach bbq outing would be perfect for them to get to know each other

they got there first, setting up all the food and cooking utensils

“MC! Mason’s here!”

just as MC was dealing with the grill forks, she watched his friend approach

the similarities between her ex and Mason were eerie, except for the different name, she would’ve thought it was-

“Hey MC, remember me?” Mason grinned

there was no mistake, that was Mae, the sly smile confirmed it all

MC held out the grill forks in defense, distancing herself from Mason as much she possibly could

“MC, what’re you doing?” Seven laughed at her off pose, “Put those down, it’s okay, Mason doesn’t bite.”

“Yes, he does, Seven. In fact, that was his specialty. He used to bite me when we were dating. He teased me relentlessly, but I wouldn’t even call it teasing. He bullied me, Seven. He made fun of me and my insecurities, he used my trust in him against me.”

“W-what?”

“It’s true, Seven. I won’t lie that I was an asshole, but she was a bitch too. She ratted me out to my mom about my drug usage and-”

“ENOUGH.” Seven’s mind was going on information overload, but all he knew was to take MC away before she seriously hurt someone or even herself with one of those forks.

when they got back into the car, Seven noticed MC’s upset expression

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know he did such a thing to you in the past. I won’t be involved with him anymore. You can trust me right?”

“Yeah”

“You won’t threaten me with grill forks?”

he got slapped on the arm for that, but at least MC smiled at his remark

Saeran:

he didn’t have many friends - given what he’s been through, but he met one at his recent job and he was a nice guy

he wanted MC to meet Nathan because he thought that they’d get along and MC could help him if he ever made him mad or something like that (human interactions weren’t really his forte)

he opened the apartment door and invited his new friend inside

“MC, I’m home. I brought a friend.”

MC was in the kitchen, and answered him through the wall

“We have a guest? Give him a seat, I’ll get him a drink in a sec”

they sat down in the living room and made small talk until he heard MC’s steps approaching

“Sorry, we don’t have much at home, do you want coffee or tea-”

before she could finish her question, she dropped both cups and the glass splintered upon impact with the floor tiles

“MC! are you okay? did you get cut anywh-”

“Get him out of the house, Saeran.” her voice shook with fear, eyes dilated to an unnatural size. She looked like a deer in headlights

“GET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE!” she screamed, covering her ears like she was suddenly afraid of the shrill in her own voice. 

Saeran ushered Nathan out of the apartment and carefully examined MC’s state of panic

“MC?” he asked just above a whisper, “are you okay?”

MC had tears streaming down her face as she grabbed onto Saeran for support. 

Her body was shaking violently. she was having an anxiety attack from something much too close to home for him to not realize

she was traumatized from previous abuse, and there was no denying that his nice friend, Nathan, wasn’t so nice after all.

“Sorry, MC. I didn’t know. He seemed nice, but nevermind that. I’m sorry, I won’t work there anymore.”

V:

MC and him were going to go on a couple date

or.. more like couple photography session

he knew a guy who was just as good as him - Andrew

“Andrew and his fiance will be here soon, do you want to wait or we could start first?”

“Let’s wait, it’d be rude to-”

“Hey! Jihyun, we’re right behind you!” a voice called out from the distance

a voice vaguely familiar to MC, but she was unable to put her finger on it

as the other couple approached, she realized that this “Andrew” was also her “Andrew” from 2 years ago. 

“V, I want to go home. You guys can go ahead.”

“But MC, they just got here and today’s supposed to be a coupe photo-”

“I’M NOT FEELING WELL OKAY?” MC snapped at him unintentionally, but it had already taken effect. V’s face was evident of the painful shot he experienced just then

unfortunately, MC was louder than she thought, and Andrew had overheard as well

“Just let her go, Jihyun. This ass was always like that when I was with her. Complaining about this and that non-stop. I can’t believe you managed to seduce Ji-”

“SHUT UP! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO CHEATED ON ME, AND YOU’RE THE ONE TO TALK?”

whoa that was unexpected

MC stomped away, back towards their car

V chased after her at a loss for words

“MC, I-”

“Its okay. You don’t have to say anything. You didn’t know, and I over reacted. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I should’ve let you know who were meeting up in the first place, it’s my fault. This could’ve otherwise been avoided. Will you forgive me?”

MC pulled him in for a hug, “I’ll always forgive you. Will you forgive me too?”

“Of course, MC.”

LOL i was low key gonna write drabbles but ya gurl was also lazy so here’s a mix of em’ both

~Cherry L.

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