#ur on or whatever grudge you have )

[voltrixz]

Silver Sable and Shocker friendship real and true to me actually. Why? It's funny to think that Shocker is good friends with the ex of his boss's right hand man

[feistyvirghoe]

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒₊˚*ੈ♡⸝⸝🪐༘⋆ ❝ 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐒 𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐖𝐇𝐘? ❞𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒₊˚*ੈ♡⸝⸝🪐༘⋆

*this is not meant to stir up drama or to be messy, i was curious and in this digital age that we’re living in it’s easy for people to keep up with you by also staying hidden in the shadows, this is just uncovering the who and why this or these people have been keeping tabs on you, weird weird world we live in but it’s good to be aware instead of oblivious.*

pick a card disclaimers ೃ🩷⁀➷

pick a pile u feel most called to, the one u cannot look away from, the one that is pulsing, go with your gut, always trust yourself, and if u feel called to more that’s cool baby boo! there’s more for u!

these are general and for a vast amount of ppl, don’t get ur undies all twisted up bc it’s not resonating, it’s normal and it’s fine, this just wasn’t for u! <3

these are extremely general collective timeless readings and they’re meant for entertainment purposes, please don’t take things so seriously and also realize my readings are for people above 18!

╰┈➤ ❝ [ ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ who ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡> i feel like this is a person you guys have moved on from, like you’ve accepted them for who they are and whatever happened between the both of you. it’s like remembering this person has you breathing more deeply, to stay calm and not exaggerate the feelings you have towards them.

> this person is like really obsessive over you, to keep you fucking stuck and confused. like they’re still holding onto something like a grudge against you, but you’re more peaceful and zen

> this is an ex lover for you, or someone you were close with at some point. i keep saying “keeping pile” like they’re trying to fucking keep your energy attached to them, like anything they can find on you they’ll just engage and get lost in you, your business, what’s going on with you.

> this feels like a person with heavy masc energy who’s coming off as a bit arrogant, as if you’d never walk away from them. okay so they’re just giving off conceited, a bit delusional vibes, like they’re hyping themself up and putting themself on a pedestal but they’re honestly someone who floats around, like they’re onto the next and they can’t stand that you left them, basically u just walked away and said enough is enough and let them go, but THEY still want to keep that fucking rinky dinky ass chain strong and durable, but there’s nothing there for you.

> there is so much strife and chaos and just a bunch of messy shit going on in their life, they can’t escape it so i guess the only solution is to go back to the person they screwed over omg what?!

>it’s like they want you to feel like it’s your fucking fault for whatever happened.

>yall are so over it omg, i was about to wrap this shit up bc i was just getting like annoyed, like that “what the F ever” type of vibe

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ why ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡> i feel like they’re keeping tabs on you because of this worry, some sort of deep regret and they’re scared, idk being haunted by thoughts of you. they’re everywhere and they seem a bit unstable tbh, they aren’t thinking clearly at all.

>another thing here is that you probably have been through the ringer with this person and you have moved gracefully, not going after them and avenging yourself by seeking revenge, you took the high road and just left this person where they are

> now that you’ve moved on, they feel as if you’re outshining them, you probably are and you don’t see it, but you’ve learned so much and gained a lot of helpful fucking information to help u grow and move on to something better and healthier for you, so now it’s like for them, you’re shoving in their face, this is giving like EXTREME DELUSIONAL ENERGY.

> see you are shining bitch! i am not sure how they know or think they know so much about you but you’ve listened to god or whoever you believe in (i persona think they’re all one but don’t quote me) but you’ve just listened to even your higher self because you know what’s best for you. they’re handing you this beautiful majestic, bright fucking stick and it’s yours, it’s all yours to take and this weirdo is disturbed by your new beginnings as if it shouldn’t be meant for you uhhhh wtf?? i mean unless you’ve done some shady shit i can understand but i don’t think so boo, this or these people are just fucking coming from a place of heavy insecurity and feelings of being inadequate. this is for you and what do they say, what is really meant for you will never pass you by.

> you’ve taken back your power, your energy, just you took back you, lol taking yourself to the fucking car wash to clean all that weird shit off of you, coming out squeaky clean ready for the brighter days ahead of you! and that’s amazing as hell, bc this is can tell was not easy and probably caused some crazy shit to happen to you as well, but you’re not a problem boo and don’t take on their projection and warped narrative of you!

> live your life to the fucking fullest and never apologize for that shit! esp no apologizing to fucking bozos who have done you wrong and then want to gaslight you into thinking that you’re the problem and that everything was your fault. shit happens for some reasons we can’t even understand and i know it frustrates me too but it’s outside of our control and we have to accept it and move on and that’s what u did, i mean im seeing it here rn boo w the 5oC reversed. you did it, so be proud of yourself because overcoming these tough ass emotional and mental challenges is fucking scary and tiring.

take care to you lovely people and embrace this new beginning okay <333 i love you. ] ❞

╰┈➤ ❝ [◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ who ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡> this is someone who you cut ties with, someone who you ended things with, im getting someone who feels heartbroken by you and left out in the cold

>could be more than one person, like a group of people, but these people are struggling right now

>these are people disturbed by your happiness, your joyful spirit wth, anyways, they’re not doing so well, like things have been taken away from them whether that may be literally or figuratively, but they’re feeling like their scorned, as if this is your fault

>this is someone who doesn’t want to grow from whatever happened, the first card i pull is always the person who’s reading this, their energy and you’re coming out as the sun, a youthful spirit, someone young and childlike, like the innocence not like acting like a child lol

>but this person could also be acting childish too, like a bit ignorant and petty. do you even know these people, there’s so much going on here

>this pile is so confusing, we have a queen of swords, a queen of wands, king of pentacles and the prince of pentacles, like who are these people??

> idk why im crying right now and in tears lmfao, like this pile is confusing me heavy and it’s really annoying me, maybe it’s like this person or these weirdos want you confused

>the energy is just really frustrating and irritating me so i’m pulling newer cards for you to get better messages.

>this person is just annoying the fuck out of me bro, but it’s someone with many fucking options, someone who can’t seem to stay committed to one thing, they’re pulled every which way and idk if it’s your irritation or their irritation i’m picking up on, someone who wants you back

>this person could be an air sign or have those placements somewhere in their chart aqua,libra, gemini

>they feel like they’re down in the dumps right now, someone who just played with you, they see you moving on and now they’re feeling some type of way about it, they’re very emotionally unstable

>they could also be a water sign, but this person is just in shambles, freaking out emotionally, missing you heavily, but they’re just so fucking unstable dude, they have a low self esteem and feel like they’re being overlooked by everyone

>nothing seems to be going their way and it’s pissing them off, maybe that’s why i was irritated, like they’re throwing temper tantrums bc that emotion that took over me was gross and i wasn’t acting like myself, someone fucking pent up over you, not to be rude but this mofo may wanna come in with some weird fucking energy/vibes

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ why ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡> they’re trying to change their ways it seems, or their just being slapped in the face with the realness that comes with living life here on earth as a human.

>they want something new with you and as in new i mean love, like they’re want to come back and re-light a spark in this connection. but there is none, nothing is happening and they’re purposefully being blocked off from talking to you

>but even if they did come close to you, the whole thing seems like it may turn into like a fucking emotional meltdown, like spazzing out on you

>they’re not allowed near you bro, it’s like they want something new with you but they’re not giving up their weird party lifestyle, like always clubbing and drinking and never really taking much responsibility, it’s sad, they’re not confident within themselves and they’re just watching you shine

>watching you move on to newer paths that have been set out for you, like they’re seeing you as a temptation too, wanting u sexually, i mean you turn this person on yeah but their energy is just weird, like “look at me”

>i don’t understand why they don’t want to give up on this, like extremely fixated on you, as if it’s their job to fucking watch you, they’re a fluid person but they ain’t fucking committed

>like listen to this line “i just wanna fuck my 🥷 in piece but all of my old 🥷 still love me” from hiss by meg thee stallion, hmm, all bc u either literally moved away from them or just got your ass up and left them where they are, it’s like they’re still holding on to this thought of you taking them back, as if you’d welcome them with open arms..

>does this person just grind your damn gears because i’m extremely repulsed right now, idk why they can’t give up, it’s like you’re their last option, how insulting in my opinion

>like oh now im seeing you for who you truly are, excuse me?? as if they couldn’t appreciate you when you were there in their fucking face!! talk about a delayed reaction to you leaving their ass behind, sorry i’m so blunt yall (just fucking weird energy from this person)

> you’re coming out as an empress/emperor and honestly you just need to let go of this person, like i would recommend not engaging with this person, their intentions are creepy, ugh ew, like they’re worried about who you’re basically with right now

>like so fucking consumed and obsessed with you, why do they care so much ahhhh but then the “i don’t know why im so obsessed with you” card came out LOL!

>girl/boy/YOU…just let your spirit team take care of it, like seriously they are there and it’s not your duty to fulfill, they’ll reap what they sow, and it’s like they’re reaping it now..

>during this pile i was just so frantic and overwhelmed my goodness! please take care of yourselves and idk if they’d ever reach out and say something maybe that’s why they’re just watching u bc u intimidate them, you don’t fuck around and you’re not dumb so for them to think that they can come in and try to get one up on you is delusional.

>i do have to say this though, there was another group of people but they were all fucking confusing too, like it was a mix of good and bad yall

>someone is watching u quietly and waiting for an opportunity with you, to give u good good love but it was like taken over by jealous, envious people, like i could be wrong but that’s how it was feeling, you got many eyes on you and whatever you’re doing, cleanse yourself baby bc some of them are good and want to approach u for good reasons but then there are the weirdos, ughaahhahahah your pile is wild dude and i can go on and on about it!

>like i honestly want to do a reading for you all and ask about the people who aren’t karmic that are keeping tabs on you…like the decent kind people who are keeping tabs on you and why, like getting into it and uncovering what spirit wants to show me so i can pass it onto you.

>i hope u enjoyed or well got something interesting out of your reading, this pile felt so crazy lol, babe it’s probably how u have people over you, just going crazy like you’re living in their head rent free

>i mean yeah they’re keeping tabs on you to see what you have going on in your life, so impulsive too, like they don’t know how to control themselves..like they want to get into your secret club, they don’t want to let you go bro, like still holding on to any piece of you and of course there are pieces of you on the internet esp if you have some sort of platform where you post and what i mean by post is posting anything, just being urself on your social media accounts..

> i pulled some more to see why they want to get into your lil club and it’s literally coming off as hedonistic? to just like have fun like how yall used to, it’s sex sex sex for them, that and also what they can get from you, you’re so understanding and it’s like they miss how generous you were with them

>but u have so much of yourself to like get nothing back dude, this is all about taking from you, as if it belongs to them, i swear this person just needs to get it figured out and fucking heal and do some shadow work, like just take a look at themselves and see the ugly shit they seem to avoid my goodness!

>yall got people obsessed and squirming over you lmao! love u guys and be safe okay mwah! <333 ] ❞

╰┈➤ ❝ [◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ who ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡> this is someone who has young feminine energy, even if they’re not biologically a female, it’s what’s coming out, basically a page, but there’s resistance here.

>this is someone who’s life is just feeling out of place, i mean karma is just doing its things, seems like this is someone who burned you. did some weird shit regarding your relationship with them.

> again an ice out feeling, they may be an aries, sag or leo, or scorpio, pisces, cancer, you or them. i feel like this person may want to contact you but they’re not sure how to go about it.

>i mean they’re feeling heartbroken, i feel like they can only watch from afar, as if they’re scared to get close to you? it’s weird, they’re lonely rn like just keeping to themselves away from people

>whatever happened between you two has them not wanting to give up, that’s a bit of why they’re lurking on you, but this is like tearing them apart inside, this break up between you two, doesn’t have to be romantic but it could.

>this is someone coming off as insecure to approach because they may not feel good enough to come back to you, you cut them off and now they’re just erratic, i don’t know if they’d actually try to contact you bc this isn’t that reading but even if they did im not sure it’ll get through to you.

>they hid some shit from you, or they’re just hiding, stalking you, i mean this is that reading, who’s keeping tabs on ya 🤣 but this is like a lil charmer, they seem to know how to get their way.

>literally a prince charming here, but mr charming is out here fucking around w weirdos, and what i mean is like the enabling of people that we surround ourselves with, it’s not a good crowd, people who like to party, idk drink, fuck around with each other, do drugs and shit, and another thing is they may also be feeling like it’s not that emotionally fulfilling.

>i mean fucking around with people who aren’t really good for you and who don’t care about you, that’d make someone who has a heart feel a bit bored with their peers.

>they could be a pisces or have cancer in their chart, or they’re also disillusioned, not seeing things clearly, making up stories, even gaslighting themselves into believing a different scenario. you could’ve been really close like they were apart of your family type of close, someone apart of your close circle, they just feel close.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ why ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡> seems like they want to hold onto you because you fulfill them emotionally, like your love, your heart, your tenderness, they miss you, like they’re don’t want to see you with anyone else.

>trying to find you, figure you out but maybe you don’t even post crazily and they can’t find anything out about you..like a dead end.i feel like they’re holding onto hope that you’ll open up yourself to them again.

>this is just sad dude, you probably impacted them in a way that most people don’t, your sweet heart and how you can give so much of that love that’s within you, so effortlessly, they just miss you a lot.

>you guys probably did so many things together, like little adventures and exploring with each other, happy times with you and they’re reminiscing, i mean they can’t get over you, you’re all they can think about.

>they could be the avoidant type, not really addressing what the real issues are and brushing them off, if they hurt you and treated u badly don’t hold resentment in your heart, forgive for you not for them and if not that’s okay, do what feels best for you.

> i feel like they’re not meant to be riding along with you on this journey we call life, like whatever happened between the two of you, it’s irredeemable and it’s like they know they fucked up bad but they can’t seem to to take those heavy emotions so they just go and escape, avoiding their feelings in front of others but alone they’re in despair and just fucking depressed, heavy feelings, just melancholy…i feel like this is forcing them to take a look at what happened and address those issues but they’re holding out.

>they could be looking at old photos of you, pictures of yall together or just you alone…like that’s another way for them to hold onto you, they are also holding on to you and keeping tabs on you seeing when the right time is for them to come back in and speak to you

>they’re feeling you, like missing you sexually, they’re desiring you, lusting, obsessing over you, i mean they could even be jacking off to you, masturbating to your photos, they’re definitely angry, idk these feelings mixed together is scary, like the obsession, then the desire and then the fucking rage, ready to pop off and do some unhinged shit.

>i feel like the divine stepped in for you and pulled you away from them for a good reason, weird intentions on their side and it’s like they want to stay hidden until their timing is correct and then they’ll attack? or want to try and attach themselves to you again, please don’t fall for the bullshit and be discerning for real!!

>there’s this needy feeling to them, like they’re a big man on the outside but a baby on the inside, hiding who they really are, were they a bit iffy when it came to expressing emotions? and being vulnerable. this could go so many ways but was this like public or many people close to you knew about this, like people had to get between you two?

>know your worth and my advice is to just leave them alone if they do try to come your way again, let yourself explore the newer finer things coming into your life or just embrace where you are right now even if it sucks ass, at least you’re not near this person, they’re a karmic for ya, someone who just brought a bunch of chaos and drama but lessons too, take time to yourself to heal and not jump into anything too fast, don’t blame yourself for anything and take this lightly, i don’t wanna stir up too much for yall omg.

>thank you for reading this and taking your time to check out my pac :), hope u guys have a lovely rest of ur day <333] ❞

╰┈➤ ❝ [◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡> who ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡>> okay so this is weird and i really hope this resonates with someone but it seems like this is a gang of fools, yeah i said it…like a group of people you don’t even know and they’re trying to seek some sort of justice but u probably know who the ringleader is, apparently you know something about the stalking, the creeping, the fucking lurking.

>they’re hiding yes, just watching and spying on you, im not sure if you’re the one who’s completely oblivious to this but it’s like a family dynamic, maybe it’s a group of people who are like family to each other, but there’s this secretive shit going on.

>it seems like u barely know any of them, they’re strangers, and then there’s like a mother figure or someone who’s like in a group and their the “mom” friend. they could have cancer or aqua somewhere in their birth chart. or that could be you im picking up on, place it where it fits and if it doesn’t that doesn’t mean it’s not your pile boo!

>this is catching me off guard, im feeling a group of people that travel together, like all locked in w each other spying on you, this is so fucking weird. a group of people that are working together or just watching you together pissed, mad.

> i feel like they’re gathering and like mocking you, berating you together, are these people that barely know each other but they’re pulled together and clicking bc of their secret animosity towards you. they’re trying hard as fuck though, to keep this shit a secret.

>we have the “beware of anyone from the past wanting to enter back into your life” so it could be someone you were sexual with at one point and they’re feeling some type of way, or they did some dirty shit involving sexual relations..

>if they keep it up they’re gonna experience some weird ass shit coming their way, like freak accidents by trying to send the evil eye your way, seems like this is a team effort bro, like fucking gang stalking wtf, please take cleansing baths, like throw some florida water in w your soap, or sage before you jump in the shower, whatever works for you, palo santo, sage, dragons blood sage, cedar sage etc.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡> why ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡>> because they’re jealous of you and have nothing else better to do with their life. envious of your belongings because it seems like they don’t have shit for themselves, i mean with how negative this energy is, i can see why shit keeps delaying and failing, cmon dude.

>lemme break it down, they’re envious of what you have and your image, how your coming off to those around you, your beauty and maybe even how naturally alluring you are, it always sound cliche but your light you emit.

>it’s like they want to be you, they hate you so fucking much but want to be you, even your money as well, or the abundance within you, but it also feels material, like you may look “wealthy” “rich” “high maintenance” my goodness???? and this disturbs them, just a group of hateful envious mean people.

>they’re either hiding behind their screens just jealous, you must be a fucking god/goddess bc this envy is disturbing like hating someone because they’re pretty, i understand being a lil envious of other people’s features and being lighthearted about it, like awww i wish i had her nose or whatever, but you still accept yourself and your “flaws” were all different and unique.

>i personally think it’s a bit fucked up how everyone wants to look like everyone they see on social media, and we don’t even look like that, it’s all a facade, like we age, we gain we lose, we grow, we’re always fucking growing and changing dude…shit happens to us in life..just go out and walk around your town and see how uniquely beautiful we are, so many different forms of beauty, just like with flowers too, it’s boring being the same and looking the same and doing the same thing as someone else, be true to you and accept yourself for who you are, we can always change! it’s the way of life fr!

>no this is a bit deranged, it’s like a habit for them to watch you and stalk you basically, that’s what they’re doing. this may be a scorned lover but it can go a MANY WAYS hahaha..they’re like trying to make u feel insignificant by literally indirectly talking shit about you on their social media.

>this feels like one sided beef bro…i mean it may be put to a stop and if this is a fucking full on deranged stalker im sorry and please keep yourself safe and well. take the right precautions and keep your accounts private if you’re on any social media accounts. these people are so weird(you’ll notice i keep saying it but that’s what it is, fucking weird…disturbing)

>they clearly don’t like you even if they pretend to and they’re like the little minions from despicable me, just a bunch of clones, trying to get people to shit on your name and full on slander you but oh they’re behind closed doors because they’re cowards.

>i feel like you’re just making your fucking money, minding your business, doing what you gotta do and these people have the audacity to just yap and yap about you, especially if you take care of your body or do whatever you need to, to make sure you stay healthy and happy.

>it’s giving, they really really dislike you because of your self care routine, whatever methods you use to just flat out take care of yourself. this is just weird dude.

>i feel like you figured something out about this scorned love, someone who feels betrayed by you but i bet they did some weird fudged up shit and you broke the fantasy, you opened up your eyes.

>major confirmation is the “they secretly keep tabs on your every move” card, damn…just stalking you, it’s fucking weird and creepy, like keeping up with whatever you got going on eeugh

>youre effortlessly shining and beautiful, honestly even if you’re not a woman you have the the empress. divine feminine energy is just radiating off of you, a calm passionate, sexy, patient, gentle loving person bro! i feel like they really hate your fucking looks, why are people so envious and jealous nowadays.

>but they’re the same people to copy you and try and steal your shit as if they did it first fr! a bunch of damn copycats, people who aren’t comfortable with themselves, they don’t know how to be content in their own skin, but then they’re also beating others down and shit talking, a bunch of nasty ass poopoo breath yapping and spouting nonsense.

>im in so much pain right now wtf, like a punching feeling, in my gut and then my back as well, so i’m not sure if you’ve been feeling that way too but like i said above, cleanse yourself!!!! go on etsy and find a good practitioner to help you do a protection spell, even if you do or don’t know these individuals just explain what you’re feeling to them and the situation and they’ll do the rest, all you have to do is believe <3 but you’ll be okay, just don’t feed into the drama, these people have self esteem issues and i can relate but this is just beyONNND just out of hand like wtf??!

>seems like their behavior is about to be put to an end, keeping up this BS, you’ll see how shit plays out, you may hear from someone or see it for yourself but they’re not gonna be able to run away and hide what they’re fucking doing..

> please go and seek someone to help you cut these cords, like hex breaking spells/rituals, someone who’s legit and real with you. protect yourself and your energy, they have shit intentions and its deliberate. all of this is just to fuck with you and make you feel some type of way and i’m sorry pile four yall don’t deserve that shit from these weird folk. they’re adamant about hating your gifts, your spiritual gifts.

>i hope you guys remember who tf you are and stay in that damn power, know thyself fr! all parts of you, knowing they can’t fucking mess with you, knowing that they’ll get their karma and it’ll hit, it won’t miss.

>sending you guys love and support, hope u have a good rest of your day and prosper, go shine you beautiful angel!!!] ❞

thank ya thank ya thank ya, for stopping by and checking out this PAC, thank you for the support and i appreciate it in advance to lmk what ya thought by liking, reblogging and commenting, i like hearing from yall, like how it resonated lol and if it didn’t don’t be an ass man haha ass man 💀 anyways thank you again and i’m sending love to you guys, MWAH MWAH MWAH!!!!! 💋

@anitalenia for the cute ass dividers <3

[serxinns]

idk if u do angst or not but i love me so good angst so if u dont mind can u do some kiribaku x reader angst plz i would love that thx like they cooking for kiri and bakugo and bakugo complains about how little reader dose and kiri agrees cuz they just kinda stay at home and clean do the laundry and so like after he says that she gets mad so the next day she does nothing and like just reads like doesn't cook for them that night doesn't do there laundry and doesn't clean the house that day and at first bakugo's mad about it and kiri doesn't know what to feel and this go's for a few day and kiri and bakugo have to do everything and the see how hard it is and apologizes to reader! i think it cute

thank you plz dont feel like u have to! i love ur writing

*evil laughter* you fool I AM THE IDEAL ANGST WRITER AND IM A KIRIBAKU FAN IM A YUZUYA FAN AFTER ALL 😈

You were humming along to your favorite song as you were carrying 3 baskets of both your husband's clothes "That's About all of them" you huffed in relief you then grabbed and poured all the bleached cleaning chemicals in there and the clothes and turned on the washing machine "ok so I cleaned the room unclothed the sink and the toilet went and got groceries what else..." you were thinking for a while until a delight smell met your nose

"Man whatever Kats is cooking must be good I might sneak a bite or two.." a mischievous grin started forming on your face you crept out of the laundry room in the halls to where the kitchen to hear Kiri and Katsuki talking, you leaned your ear closer and it seems like they were talking about you

"And then when I came back I saw y/n tried and laying on the couch sleeping like a layout sloth with MY favorite chips in hand! " You giggled as you heard Katsuki angrily rambling on to his other lover Kiri about you slacking off thinking he was still holding a grudge about the snack incident"God I wish she could just do SOMETHING around the house rather than clean and BARELY cooking shes so..LAZY" "bakugo don't be so mean but yea I kinda agree I wish she could do more in the house rather than clean.."

Your heart stung at that very moment tears started to swell up in your eyes you had to carry Kiri's 2000-pound dumbbells when it was delivered at his home which bruised your hands and arms pretty bad, another time you saw permanent stainsmon Akatsuki's hero suit due to a battle with a notorious villain and decided to spend all your savings try and get it off, the more rambling they went on about you being "Lazy" the more angry and hurt you were

You then ran up the stairs and stuffed your face into the pillow and cried softly were you not working hard enough? After all the bruises cuts and money worth nothing? Were you actually Lazy? Thoughts swirled around your head and you lost your appetite you didn't feel like sleeping with them so you grabbed a pillow and blanket and slept in the guest room for tonight, you locked the door making sure they wouldn't barge in

Suddenly a knock on the door alerted you "Hey baby you there why are you in the guest room?" Kiri asked concern filling his voice but you ignored him getting the pillow and putting it on your head, Kiri tried a few more times getting more worried for you so he quickly ran down to get Katsuki about the situation "hèy blast y/n locked herself in the guest room... I think they're ignoring me" katsuki rolled his eyes while brushing his teeth getting ready for bed

"She's probably in her "dramatic bitch phase moods" or whatever she calls it she'll prob get over it in the morning," he said waving it off "but it feels like shes mad at us.. I think we should-" he was cut off by katsuki kissing him on the lips "El they'll be fine I'm sure of it plus she'll prob crawl back into bed without us knowing in the middle of the night now good night" katsuki pecked kiri on the cheek and jumped into bed Kiri took one last Glance in corners and slowly climbed in the bed feeling a bit empty even katsuki felt it so he clung onto Kiri but it was still empty and cold without you

The next morning they woke up and there was still no you, katsuki glanced at the space and rolled his eyes maybe you are mad.. or you woke up early to cook breakfast? Katsuki then took a shower and then got ready, you normally already had his warm dry clothes in the drawers but to his surprise, they were all soaking "Y/N!" He yelled out stomping around to hunt you down for this cruel prank but to find out you already left without their breakfast... only but a note and plain grain cereal saying "Here's your breakfast breakfast 😁"

Katsuki was stunned knowing that you would go all out making them a big breakfast with their drinks and everything decorated Kiri followed behind him yawning he glanced at the table and looked a bit worried "Katsuki what if we did make her upset" Katsuki groaned at his boyfriends whining and turn towards him "she's not mad she's probably was too lazy to do it and even if she was she can't go that far we can outlast her rebellion" he said with confidence

It's been 2 days and it's been hell you weren't lifting a finger for them and both of your boys weren't too pleased with that, katsuki wasn't used to washing clothes so he accidentally mixed the colored clothes with the white clothes which stained some of the white clothes to his annoyance, Kiri was freaking out that there was red hair dye left and he had hero meaning to go and his hair was almost turning black he begged you to go to the store but to his defeat you just stared at him and politely said no and got back to your reading

Katsuki was getting enraged by your sudden behavior so he confronted you with a beaming glare "Oi what's with this shitty attitude your pulling?" "Blasty no!" You tilted your head innocently at the 2 Men "What do you mean I'm doing something" You were about to go back to your read when Katsuki snatched the book and slammed it on the counter you glared at him "I had enough of this shitty attitude woman you have been doing less and less work each day and we're paying the consequences"

you scoffed "But is this what I am right a Lazy bum" Katsuki was about to question you about your statement but then it hit him..the memory of him and Kiri talking about you... "you heard our conversation" you looked over to him as your eyes narrow "at every single last word" Kirishima swelled up with guilt avoiding eye contact with white katsuki was still glaring

"Listen, baby, we're sorry it won-" "Oh don't give me that half ass apology you're gonna have to work for it BIG TIME" "Oh please like we deserve your forgiveness just because you're not doing much" You laughed sarcastically and got in his face

"I bet your ass wouldn't last a week without me doing the housework" "Fine winner gets to use the others credit card for the day and make them breakfast in bed for almost a week" "what!? Bakugan I dont think-" "Deal" you cut off Kirishima as you shook hands with the blond "what have I gotten into"

The next few days were hell! Most of Kiri and katsuki's colored clothes were bleached due to Kiri accidentally putting them in the colored clothes rather than putting them in the white clothes all their clothes were full of dye stains that day while you happily shopped you some clothes,

Katsuki, on the other hand, was worse he didn't have any time to make breakfast or lunch so he went on for the day cranky and hungry having to eat cheap instant ramen in his break and was questioned by fans on why was there Clear dye stain on his suit and kiri got laughed by both his friends and in the agency about his hair drooping and all black colored making his fans chased after him with questions or stating they liked his hair red which was to his annoyance

You watched as the two boys struggled with doing their jobs as you sat there secretly giggling to yourself and talking with your friends on the phone like a form to brag it to them

"Katuki im gonna apologize it's getting too much..." Kiri told Katsuki as he was struggling to mow the lawn (you also do that) "Are you kidding you giving up that easily because she was a" "No Bakugo because I know to feel what's it like its hard, look at you, your struggling to turn on the lawn mower your clothes are stained and we haven't eaten no good meals in over a week I'm tried katsuki and you are too"

katsuki stood they're quietly he didn't wanna admit but it was true it had been torture without you hell even if they kept going like this the whole house would be a disaster but not inky that their relationship would be stained and he didn't want that he truly loved you two even if he doesn't show it and he doesn't mean or intentionally wanna hurt you was he really taking it to far? That's what he made his final decision

"Fine.." Kiri turned slowly turned into smirk a bit "what was that couldn't hea-" "I SAID FINE DONT PUSH IT YOU DAMN ROCK" he chucked putting hands up in defeat "alright alright I heard you thr 1st time kats!" He chuckled as both was finding a way to make it up to you when you got home

You arrived at your home signing it's been a long day for you even tho you barely did anything you had a lot on your mind wondering was too far but were still confident that they needed to learn their lesson!, you got to your doorstep seeing a note that said "come in there's a surprised" in both Katsuki and Eljirou handwriting you raised your brow a bit but curious to know what was the surprise about

You slowly open the door revealing a fancy dinner table with all your favorite foods' petals on the floor what's next to the dish is a small gift right beside it "You look over to see both Your husbands' faces guilt written all over, you narrowed put your hands on your hips pretending to not be happy "so what's all this" katsuki sighed knowing that you were still mad at them which was reasonable "an apology i-no we're sorry for what we say I know this isn't much" you glanced I silently "but we also ran a warm bath for you with your favorite show recorded-"

you cut the men off by tackling them with a hug happy tears fllow "I COULDNT DO IT ANYMORE I HATED THIS CHALLENGE" Kiri's face was starting to swell up in tears as well "ME NEITHER" Both you and Kiri cried dramatically while Katsuki stood there genuinely smiling and chuckling a bit

"What are you laughing at blasty" glaring playfully at the blond who was on the edge of wanting to bust out laughing at his partner's dramatic performance

"Nothing" he smirked he was just glad everything was back to normal "So who wanna watch (favorite show)"

[newnlovesjennie]

one piece au where literally nothing went wrong everyone is alive and happy hc's

nami

belle mere is still alive obvi

the attack on her island was less of an attack and more of like a alliance? like the fishman pirates pulled up and were like hey we need a hideout can we pls use ur island. and they were like yeah offer us protection and in turn u can use our island! no violence no blood nothing!!

in this au fisher tiger is still alive and the fishman pirates are still what he envisioned before his death, so he’s the captain, not arlong

speaking of arlong he’s like hella toned down. he got the jinbei affect in the sense that koala changed him and showed him humans aren’t all bad. yeah sure he’s more radical and unhinged than the other pirates but he’s just like the weird conservative uncle you tolerate at thanksgiving not a real threat

hachi and nami bonding!!!

nami never develops an obsession with money, she gets to put her full effort into map making and exploring that talent

she makes maps for the fishman pirates completely out of her own free will

she joins the movement for fishman human equality woohoo!!!

yeah in this au that movement actually gets taken seriously instead of played off and the fishmen actually make progress in equality 

koala visits sometimes! koala and nami bonding time!!!

law

doflamingo is toned down like 1000% in this au he’s not a family killer in this one he’s just odd

like seriously idk how the logistics would work but maybe somehow after the whole “doffys family becomes human” thing the humans don’t persecute him? so in turn he just kinda is pretentious and misses being rich instead of holding a particular grudge against humanity?

either way he’s also just the weird conservative uncle you see at thanksgiving 

corazon is number one dad ever did he offer law henny for his 8th birthday yes does he know how to do laundry or cook not at all but he is trying his best!

LAW BABY FIVE AND BUFFALO AS COUSINS. PLEASE!!!! dellinger too maybe idk if he’s a kid or not tho

the executives like trebol diamante whatever the fuck also aren’t as evil either they just tryna do their own thing yk just black market deal in peace but no unnecessary killing 

donquixote family stays pirates instead of going and trying to take a whole kingdom (took a shit ton of convincing for doffy to accept that)

the whole pirate warlord thing gives doffy enough prestige he don’t need to be a king necessarily 

law eats the op op fruit, doffy tries to get him to make him immortal, corazon slaps him, doffy changes his mind

(i am taking so many liberties in this au omg)

zoro

kuina didn’t fucking fall down a flight of stairs!! yippee!!!

their whole competition abt who will be the greatest swordsman is still on

they venture outside the dojo and become pirates

both bounty hunters maybe

kuina is so so gay

hear me out…. kuina x tashigi? LET ME COOK

yeah zoros just there

they find their way to mihawks island without the whole kuma blasting zoro to a random island thing

they beg mihawk to train them but he’s like wtf get out of my house but they show potential and he’s like ok fine ill train y’all 

persona is also there bc i said so FUCK MORIA ALL MY HOMIES HATE MORIA she left him and somehow ended up with mihawk he also let her stay for some reason (he needs to stop adopting kids)

hear me out…. perona x kuina? or at the very least they become besties

once again zoro is just there

robin

olvia and saul are still alive

all of her island is still alive, don’t ask why the world government is ok with that they just are shhhh shhhhh 

robin grows up an archeologist but decides she needs to find the poneglyphs and discover the truth of the world

so she becomes a pirate and joins baroque works, led by crocodile

he respects her (WHAT) doesn’t try to kill her (WHAT) and they actually have a fun friendship a friendly lil boss secretary relationship its adorable

she helps crocodile get with doffy because god knows he couldn’t do it himself

ok if this is how this au is going robins gotta be besties with bon clay come on. mr three hello?? 

[deathlieteez]

ATTENTION (4/5)

yunho x reader

♡ attention series masterlist ♡ ┋chapter 1┋chapter 2.1┋chapter 2.2┋chapter 3.1┋chapter 3.2

chapter 4: heaven and back. when you finally met yunho that Saturday night, he confess the reason why he's acting that weird, and it is not going to be a bliss to your heart. feeling more lost than ever, you let yourself be drawn into whatever the night has to offer, though it seems to end up being much more than you can control.

appears: yunho as your exboyfriend x femb!reader + choi seungcheol (seventeen) x son chaeyoung as ur bests friends + yoon jeonghan (seventeen) as ur friend + chwe hansol vernon (seventeen) as seungcheol's friend

genre: angst. college au.

warning: cursing, mean/heartbroken reader, mean/heartbroken yunho, petnames, using/abusing of drugs (don't!!!!!!!), cheating.

word count: 9.1k (oops)

intentional use of lowercase letter

english is not my mother tongue

the chapter is called heaven and back because is sighly based on the chase atlantic's song

songs i get inspired by: heaven and back - chase atlantic + you broke me first- tate mcrae + the grudge - olivia rodrigo + falling - harry styles + creepin' - the weeknd + if you want love - nf + sorry, i love you - stray kids + we go down together - dove cameron ft. khalid + remember that night? - sara keys

the one i recommed the most to read it is the loneliest by maneskin

it is not meant to be representative of jeong yunho's personality or any ateez or another groups' idols who appeared ♡

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘♡⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

see you tonight.

yunho's absence and message made your morning into something infinite. got out of bed as if you had spent the whole night drinking, but what actually felt was a terrible emotional hangover. the memory of yunho haunted you as if he had never left, and almost had the damn sensation of his lips going all over your skin, as well as that sweet smell of his still stuck in your nostrils. his attitude was strange enough in itself to leave you thinking all day, but if you added the idea that he had been with another woman close enough to leave her scent on him, and the fucking fact that he had left you alone in bed after you let him spend the night for the first time after so many pleas, it was going to drive you crazy. was literally all you could think about all morning. it was, in fact, what you were thinking about when your doorbell rang, being so immersed in the memory of your fucking ex that the fright was such that you threw the coffee cup, which you'd been stirring for twenty minutes now while leaning against the kitchen counter, onto the floor. "shit!" you grunt for a moment before the doorbell rings again, and several times in a row "coming, i'm coming!" had absolutely no idea who it was, but it did nothing but fuck your mood even more.

you were very surprised to see that it was chaeyoung. well, an exaggeratedly angry version of chaeyoung. if thought you were in a bad mood, you were a puppy next to your best friend at that moment "i didn't come in just in case that asshole's still here. you better hide him, because i'll chew him up and spit him in the toilet, and u're next" she said pointing her index finger at you, still not crossing the threshold of the door. you sighed, stepping to the side to let her know she could come in.

"easy beast, he's not here." she snorted, entering your house in a bad temper. you couldn't blame her, but she had a lot of things to blame you. followed her into the kitchen, feeling slightly anxious. the only times you had ever seen chaeyoung like that was always when was involved with yunho, yunho's friends or the university. you had never been her target. you knew for a fact how much she loved you, in a practically sisterly way, so you understood perfectly why she practically left a trail of flames wherever she passed by. you would have appeared the same, or worse "careful, there's glass on the floor" you warn, she automatically grabbed several paper napkins and bent down to wipe the huge coffee stain on the floor. you imitated her.

"i've called tons of times, and left lots of messages." she accused, you sighed "the least you could do is call me back" looked at her with a mixture of shame and embarrassment building up in the pit of your stomach. you couldn't say anything, because she was right. not only had you blown them off the night before, but ignored them all and with no reasons. that's probably why seungcheol wasn't with chaeyoung to find out what happened after he left. he was too upset to show up at your house, and it was more than clear that he would have told chaeyoung why you didn't go to the club.

"m so sorry" you mumble, "wasn't in the mood. know that's no excuse, but…"

"but nothing. it's already awfully wrong for that guy to show up at your house at night, but to be ignoring us for him? girl, it sucks" she accuses again and you nod, as if you were being scolded by your older sister "i don't understand how you could even let him into your house, after everything that's happened".

"you know we've been seeing each other, chae" you swallowed after materializing it in words for the first time to someone other than yourself or yunho himself.

"yeah" she groaned in annoyance "but thought u guys fucked at parties or something, not that you let him get into your house?"

"we're all grown up now, chaeyoung" you sigh, picking up a few pieces of glass again, trying not to cut yourself and in the process avoiding her gaze. she stood up, throwing away a handful of soggy papers and picking up a few more to continue drying the floor.

"oh really? well doesn't look like it" she then growls "look, u can fuck whoever u want, but be consequent. u can't just disappear the whole night and leave us all worrying"

"i'm really sorry" repeated "it was a bit of a weird night" you confess once finished collecting all the crystals, cutting a small awkward silence "did u have a good time at least?" chaeyoung denied.

"cheol came in pretty upset, he told us what happened and we tried to call you several times after a while. still were going to stay, but then we saw yunho's little friends and seungcheol didn't want to continue the night. he and han went home together and i went home with jihyo" she related, making you sigh again.

"they didn't say anything to any of you, have they?" she denied, you nodded in relief.

"you know how overprotective he is with you and the whole thing with those guys" threw away the last handful of papers once the floor was finally clean, grabbing another cup from your cupboard and a capsule of coffee "at least tell me what's going on, and what happened last night".

so you did. recounted in detail everything that had happened, from the episode at the emergency exit, to yunho dumping that girl for you, and ending with the night before. you put special emphasis on one detail "he smelled like another chick!?" she practically shouted, you dropped your back on the back of the couch and nodded "he finished being with some chick and came to see u?" he snorted "i thought he couldn't, but he get even more scraggly. he must have been training"

"he's coming tonight" you confessed, causing chaeyoung's eyes to practically pop out of their holes.

"and you're even dumber, i see."

"wanna see him, chae."

"that's the first sign why you shouldn't do it. never again. fuck him. but no literally!"

you'd love to say that the conversation with your best friend did some good. that you took matters into your own hands and wrote yunho to tell him you didn't want him around, that he should stay the fuck home. but the reality was much different, much sadder and, from chaeyoung's point of view, ridiculous. your friend didn't understand what it was about this guy that kept you so interested, and you didn't exactly know either. but if there was ever a time when you really felt the need to see him, it was that night. his attitude and that message had to mean something, and it's not like you were able to ignore everything you felt while being with him.

luckily, now that you had finally been completely honest with her, chaeyoung decided she wouldn't leave you alone and tried her best to keep your mind off yunho, almost like the first time she had to deal with what he left of you when he cheated. it worked for a few hours, but as the time approached when you had to get ready to leave, it became clear how the anxiety was eating away at your confidence. you checked your cell phone every few moments, feraring a message from him, or maybe even hoping for one. chae watched you worriedly. she knew for sure that the time when you would relapse would come. yunho would be a problem again, because you two were in love and it didn't end well. one of you would come crawling back, but she hoped it wouldn't be you and that when he did, you would kick him back to his house.

"so can i borrow the black one then?" she asked with her head dipped in your closet. you laughed again, affirming with a guttural sound while trying not to go too overboard with the lip liner "great! i was looking forward to trying it on. it's so pretty!"

"just had to ask for it" you tell her once you finish filling in your lips in a gorgeous burgundy shade matching the dress you wore that night, and which didn't go unnoticed by your friend.

"how is it possible that u been looking like shit all day and now you look like you came out of a magazine?" she grunts, making you laugh again "it's cute" commented, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at your reflection in the glass of the dressing table. you were doing the same, trying to gain confidence in your image. knew you looked pretty, but didn't feel particularly well. "haven't worn it in a while, have you?" chaeyoung asked, getting your attention. you look at her a little confused "the dress" you smile faintly at her, nodding.

didn't really wanted to have to explain it to her, but the outfit you were wearing that night was a real statement of intent, because it was exactly the same one you had the night you met yunho. it was still quite nice, a little less revealing than what you've been wearing lately, but sexy enough to fit a night like that. telling chaeyoung something like that would end up driving her crazy, but the truth is that you were wearing it hoping yunho would remember the dress. as you looked at yourself wearing it in the mirror, remembered all the times he told you how beautiful you looked and how much he loved the dress. he even asked you to wear it again several times throughout the relationship, but saved it for a special occasion because it meant so much to you. didn't know why, but that night you needed the confidence that dress gave you. it was probably a mistake, but you would do it anyway.

it wasn't too long before you arrived at the same place that had already visited countless times, and where the story with your ex was awakened with a fuck at the emergency exit of the reserved area. you felt a little better when you let the lively atmosphere captivate you, letting yourself be carried away by the incredibly cheerful and energetic attitude of your best friend, who guided you to the same place as always, where your friends were already waiting.

the first thing you did was apologize to all of them, and especially to seungcheol, who didn't take more than a few seconds to fall for your charms and your puppy face to hug you and kiss your forehead, even though he made you promise not to do something like that to them again "a message is enough. just want to know you're okay". the way it had started, the night had potential. and you could have taken advantage of it; you could have drunk, danced and laughed with the amazing friends you had at your disposal. you could have even tried to meet someone new, like the guy at the bar who had left his number on a napkin he shamelessly gave you, because didn't need one and hadn't asked for, during one of the many times you visited the bar in such a ridiculously short period of time. just like went to the bathroom, to smoke with jeonghan -when you didn't even smoke- and any excuse that was plausible enough and allowed you to browse the place as many times as possible, in search of a single person. of course, your friends asked you if everything was all right, but with the help of chaeyoung, who knew what was going on and didn't want to worry them, you distracted them. it was about one in the middle of the night when you finally saw him appear in the crowd, looking particularly handsome that night. he wore a white yarn sweater, the collar quite wide, revealing his collarbone, beautifully decorated with a couple of necklaces and highlighting the width of his shoulders. his hair was apparently messy, but you knew that he had probably spent a long time in front of the mirror checking every strand, and it had certainly paid off.

you didn't even try to find an excuse to meet him that time. just jumped up and left the reserved area, not listening to any of your friends' questions. from the stairs you could see him reaching a table at the down floor, where a couple of girls were sitting that you didn't remember seeing before. noticed him greeting one of them with a kiss on the cheek, bringing that smell back to your memory, but made sure to ignore the idea that crossed your mind and faded as soon as you saw him looking for you in the reserved area himself. he approached the stairs as you went down, so you decided to wait at the end of them "finally!" you said almost without breaking, sounding a little - too - excited to see him. yunho was about to speak, but your impatience interrupted him with a soft kiss on the lips that was confused to say the least, swallowing his words, not even sure what he wanted to say to you. with a sincere smile, you pulled his wrist to a corner a little further away from his friends and yours, a little further away from the crowd, and while he was still silent, you allowed yourself to kiss him again, leaning your back against the dark wall of the room. took a few seconds for yunho to react, feeling a slight panic sweep through his body, but deciding to surrender to you again. it was much easier to be carried away by your lips, so he brought one of his hands to your waist while cradled your neck with the other to deepen the kiss. felt as if the night before had not ended, as if the truce you had happily signed yesterday had continued to stand against all odds. "took a long time, yuyu" said to him as you separated to get some oxygen. he didn't even open his eyes before kissing you again.

he pressed his body closer to yours, breathing into your lips and making you feel like you're in a damn cloud9. buried both hands in his hair, stroking him as if to calm him, "hi" mumbled over your lips. actually, you didn't even hear it, you guessed it.

"been waiting for you" you confessed, not even thinking about how your attitude let yunho look a little deeper into you. "thought you wouldn't come" he remained silent, looking into your eyes like trying to find something. in fact, he was looking for some sign of remorse, of hatred, of resentment, of anger. some trace of everything you were giving him all this time, but he found in you nothing more than a honest desire to see him. he sighed heavily and took some distance from you, though his hands never left your body, going up to your face to cradle it once more. you held his wrists and smiled sweetly, "don't have a very good face, yuyu" you stated, looking genuinely concerned, "u ok?" yunho felt his chest shrink as the sweetness colored your words.

it was like you were doing it on purpose, as if you were fighting with your last ace to keep him close. he had worked hard to get to this point, he had fought against everything he felt so that would be moderately comfortable with what was about to happen. but it would only be fine if you continued to be a fucking bitch to him, one who didn't seem to care about anything. now that you looked at him as if you really wanted to be with him, as if you cared about his well-being and kissed him so lovingly, how could he say something like that to you? how could he not grab the last burning nail that was your relationship?

"no, i'm not well" he confessed. you took a careful breath and gently changed your sweet expression to a worried one. something was really wrong.

"here, let's sit" you suggest, pointing to the high chairs a few feet away "and maybe i can help you" if he didn't know you well enough, yunho would swear that you were trying to torture him playing with his feelings to trap him in your web so he would never leave you. but in actual fact, you were genuinely concerned about him and wanted to help him. reaching the chairs, without letting go of his hands, you sit facing each other. legs are intertwined, you only have to move a little closer to kiss him again, which you did, "come on sweetie, tell me".

"why 're u treating me so well?" he asked suddenly, almost burning with the torture of having you so close again.

you pursed your lips, tilting your head with a shy smile, "don't know" confessed this time, "yesterday was a nice day, i guess" yunho sighed with the memory of your naked body hugging his all night, making him feel like the fucking worst person in the whole earth.

"i have been waiting for you to look at me like this for a long time" with a weak and deep voice, it comes out almost in a wail "it is not fair that you act like this today" you looked at him with some confusion while he avoided your eyes as much as he could. instead, he look at your body without taking a second to notice what you're wearing. a grimace of sarcasm crossed his face, and he couldn't help but think that what you were trying to do to him must be some kind of heavy joke.

"today? what's happening today?"

"i've been doing the best that i can for about, how long, maybe a year?" his voice rises slightly and you can hear some bitterness in it. by contrast, yunho never lets go of your hands, making the grip harder and focus all the attention on them laying over the dress you are wearing "i have respected your space and accepted all the times you kicked me away" he said, you parted your lips without knowing exactly what to say, feeling more confused by the moment "gave you love whenever u were around, just to make u feel wanted and wash away what i did" you blinked several times, trying to pull your hands away, but he held them firmly, "went where you wanted, when you wanted, even when i knew you were doing with other guys" he sighed heavily, sharpening his gaze and finally looking at you. "needed to see me so fucked up to empathize with me a little? or did you realize that you still love me?"

when he looked into your eyes, you didn't like what you saw. no clue if all that anger and pain had always been there or if something you are missing had happened and yunho was actually in pain. the only thing you were sure about was that your patience was too thin to keep listening to him, and the sarcasm of his words didn't help at all. or did you realize that you still love me?

you yanked hard from his hands, surprising him but managing to escape his grip. denied with a bitter smile before said "let it go, it was a mistake", you said it out loud, but those words were more for you than for him. wanted to leave it there now that you still had some will to have a good night, but suddenly yunho realized he couldn't let you go that easily. the pride he had been swallowing all this time returned all at once and he was not willing to let you be the one to decide the course of the conversation again. yunho had come to this place with a damned purpose, and he was going to fulfill it whether you wanted or not. he stopped you down impulsively, grabbed your wrist and pulled back towards him. almost crashed into his chest, but you reacted quickly and put a hand on his shirt, pushing him back "what's wrong with u?"

"with me!?" he opened his eyes as if you had told him the most savage thing he had ever heard in his life, "the problem here is you!" suddenly yunho grabbed your shoulders and pushed you back against the wall, surrounding you with both arms into a corner so he can look down on you. it felt like you were tiny, and that wasn't what you needed that night, "come to me like you need to see me, kiss me, care about me, and in that fucking dress!" you looked away from him when his breath crash into your face so aggressively, because yunho was yelling, almost out of control and too close for your comfort. caught your breath to regulate the tension in your chest, feeling slightly dizzy. you looked like a prey, trapped under your ex's harsh and unforgiving voice, full of resentment "am a joke to u? wearing this on just to hurt me, yeah?" he growled. despite the toughness of his words, yunho was far from feeling tough inside. he was pushing himself to the limit, trying to contain a huge amount of emotions that he did not know how to handle at a time like this, when he had you in front of him and the person he decided to commit to just a few steps away, waiting for him.

when he got up in the morning next to you, had a feeling that he holds the world in his hands again. he barely slept through the night and made sure to stay close to you as long as possible, watching you as you rested, with your chest rising and falling gently, your peaceful face and your body completely relaxed. no tension, no fighting and no bitterness. you were an angel - his angel -, and he told himself he was the luckiest man in the world to be able to watch such a spectacle. yunho also realized you still had some habits, such as sleeping on your right side - which made yunho get used to sleeping on his left side so he could hug you -; you still talked a bit at night, and still hadn't given up your eagerness to steal his blanket whenever you had the chance. but his favorite, which he treasured as a precious memory, and which he loved to see you kept, was your adorable need to cuddle at night. he wondered more than once if you'd gotten over it because didn't have him anymore, or if you were holding plush animals like you once told him you did before living together. now that he had you there, tied to his torso as if you never wanted him to leave, he was afraid to even breathe too hard in case you moved and let him go. it was hard for him to give in to sleep, but was overly nice to see you again when he woke up. sure, you moved and were no longer holding him, but you were holding his hand. really seemed that you needed any contact with him as much as he needed you to do it.

knowing he must go while you were still asleep, he tempted his fate and stayed for almost an hour. the thought of leaving you was killing him, and his tears were the only witness, but it was better to go for himself than to let you push him again. was certainly sure he couldn't take it after having you this way again. he worked hard to convince himself that it was best to get away from you and trust her. she was good for him, but you weren't, because you could offer him nothing but nostalgia and the ghost of the woman he fell in love with. yunho told himself that the last night you spent together was almost a mirage, a kind of truce he had signed with you, but that it expired as soon as the sun rose on the horizon. so you wouldn't want him there anymore then, not knowing you haven't forgive him yet. he needed to stop blaming himself because you didn't want him anymore, to stop punishing himself with your kisses and your fleeting caresses, no matter how sweet they were. she looked like a white promise at the end of all this agony. couldn't even believe that she was giving him a second chance after what he had done to her for you, but he told himself he wouldn't mess it up this time, that would let you go and that you wouldn't suffer because you were really just playing with him. yunho wouldn't have to see you cry and he wouldn't cry for you anymore.

what he did not expect was to see you the next day in that dress that meant so much to both of us, taking him back to the night you met, while your eyes showed him a genuine illusion to see it again. he could even see the pain in your pupils as his voice, against all odds, became much harsher. he should hate you, but he hated himself instead "yunho, enough. wanna leave".

"oh, u want to go now?" he insisted, making you swallow hard while see him shocking his head many times "please tell me what you want from me" you looked him in the eyes again, an uncertain gaze locked with his. could barely make out the colors of his face in the dim light of the room, but you could clearly see the damage in his look, "can't take it anymore" he almost sobbed, dropping his head down to the floor "i can't keep paying for what i did. need u to stop punishing me, it's not fair to either of us anymore" locked out, the air was missing and could only feel the strong fragrance that yunho wore that night clouding your senses. you tried to concentrate on his words, but they only hurt. it was as if he had hit you so hard that all you could hear was a hollow and annoying sound. yunho kept talking to you, becoming more and more impatient with your silence, and in the midst of all the dull noise, your face began to fall as his words began to sink in. you thought coldly about what he was really telling you and a sour taste grew in your throat. you'd swear you'd fall to the ground if yunho hadn't left you barely space to breathe, intoxicating you with his accusations.

"yunho" mumbled, sealing his lips so he could hear you after trying to get your attention so much "if u don't like it, just leave" your head remained a little bowed, as if the neck couldn't bear the weight, so you looked at him from below "fair, you say?" snorted in denial as you closed your eyes again "know what's not fair? your boyfriend cheating on you, and knowing about it by a pic that someone sent of him kissing that fucking chick. that's not fair" yunho was going to say something, but you cut him off "it's neither fair that you came home the next morning and covered yourself with a lie, not fair that you kissed me with the same mouth that you kissed another girl the night before. that you came home every morning of every weekend without feeling the slightest bit of guilt until i discovered you, that's not fucking fair" yunho stepped back a little, letting you breathe a bit easier "it's also not fair the fact u forced seven fucking people who were also my friends to lie to me to cover up your fucking betrayal" looked at him again "know what it was like for me to lose u and all of them at once? that. is. not. fair" you spitted bitterly, punctuating every word "i saw the person i trusted the most taking away those we considered our friends, and yet you also took away my first love, my home, and everything i felt for u" here they were again, the tears piling up and threatening to wet yunho's cheeks, while you felt like tearing out every piece of yourself, every single night you spent awake missing him. you were now throwing them out in the form of all the conclusions you came to between cries and tears "so if you think what's happening is unfair, you'd better go and leave me alone for good" you were angry, and your words were not what really was in your heart, but weren't able to control yourself in the same way that he wasn't able to. however, also failed to calculate the consequences of what you just said.

"that's exactly what 'm trying to do" he replied, now at a safe distance from you.

"how do u say?" despite the word just spitted, you were incredulous.

"'m leaving you, leaving this" his cold gaze froze your body "i am tired, tired of you" he confessed. didn't even know how you felt at that time, but yunho wasn't finished with you yet "i've met someone, and i think i like this girl, but need to be away from you to find out" that was the masterstroke. the last words he needed to end you, with everything you had built since decided to focus on yourself, everything you had risked to bring him back into your life. even though you had managed to recover from all the hits he had soothed you with his words, there was no turning back from what he had just said so easily.

words sharp as blades pierced your whole body mercilessly, straight from the same lips that kissed you so lovingly just moments ago. you clearly heard something inside breaking again. i'm tired of you. his voice echoed in your head, as if he would never stop shouting it in your ear, over and over again, like a damned mantra he'd decided to tattoo on your skin. yunho knew for real he was being cruel, he watched almost in slow motion how your pride faded away as the light in your eyes started to dim, but he couldn't help his mouth breathing away what his broken heart was crying out.

the strident music fades and instead you only hear this one sentence and a high-pitched sound drowns your eardrums, you have the feeling that they will even start to bleed if you try to say something else, but all your pride has vanished with your breath. you have nothing more to say, and even if you tried, would not be able to hear a single word, so you close your eyes and try to erase yunho from your mind, but of course, his silhouette appears in the darkness of your eyelids, smiling and laughing at you, reminding the horrible person you are. felt so out of place, so confused and lost in a feeling of incorrigible pain, even greater than the first time yunho left, that don't even know how you have returned to the side of your friends. when you figure it out, you're sitting next to them and they're talking to each other as if you weren't there. inside, everything fell apart. on the outside, your face remained blank, almost serene. you craved to scream, wanted to find yunho again and shout him that it was all his fault.

the image of your boyfriend, with whom you even shared an apartment, kissing another girl, along with the certainty that he had been hiding it for god knows when, still burning inside your eyes and were not exaggerating when you said that it was the first time you felt the pain of a betrayal, added to the pain of a broken heart and the sudden loneliness. well, if you had to be completely honest with yourself, you hadn't handled what happened right, and had to admit that you were cruel. but within the pain you felt at that moment, the idea that it was yunho who had broken you to such an extreme, that it was yunho who was wrong first, who broke you and all that you were, shone more brightly in your head.

your gaze wandered from one side to another. the floor, the ceiling, the round table in the center of your seats, filled with full and empty glasses, the distand and happy faces of your friends, seungcheol holding one of your hands and giving you a loving grimace… the neon red of the exit sign where you fell into yunho's arms again.the light soon blinded you slightly, feeling your gaze begin to unfocus as the bright red dazzled you and tears unconsciously welled up at the edge of your pupils. memories of your ex filled your blurred vision, pulling you away from reality and back to the image of his lips on yours, begging you to stay a little longer. his hands craving around your skin, trying to keep you close. now all that was gone. i think i love that girl, but i need to be away from you to know. and to think that you had stayed devoted to his arms, while he sought solace in another girl.

when you were able to refocus your gaze, found yourself looking at yunho's table in the distance. everyone seemed perfectly happy, including your ex, who was hugging who you assumed was the girl that took him away from you, who was winning his heart, the same heart had been your home " honey, is everything okay?" when you heard seungcheol's voice, suddenly realized you are already truly crying, feeling the happiness of those boys as a direct attack on you. why, if you were the victim, were the only one still suffering? "baby, look at me" seungcheol quickly located where your gaze was heading and gently picked up your chin to force you to stop hurting yourself, trying to comfort you with a warm smile and a kiss on the forehead.

"guess 'm not at my peak" you let out a chuckle far from funny and wiped away your tears.

with his thumb, seungcheol caressed your wet cheek and raised both eyebrows "we have two options. i can take you home, you'll take a shower, we'll watch anything on tv and i promise i'll play your hair until you fall asleep if it'll make you feel better" the smile grew natural on your lips, provoking a similar one on his face. he couldn't help it even if he wanted to and he wouldn't; sex or not, you were his best friend and one of the most important person in his life since you both were able to open up to each other, understand each other, support each other and care for each other. he had met many people in his life because he was someone of a social nature, but with you it was a crush in any sense you wanted to take it. he was sure that whatever you could offer him would be enough, because loved you sincerely and would prove it "or you can stay here with all of us, try to enjoy the night and not let anything or anyone else get the better of you" knew perfectly well what his words meant, because he wasn't stupid and no matter how much you had tried to hide it, he clearly saw something big going on with yunho, and confirmed it as soon as he saw you unable to take your eyes off him and that beautiful girl he wouldn't let go even for a stand second "both options are valid and in both i promise not to leave you alone at any time. it's up to you" you took a breath with lips sealed, biting them slightly at your pathetic image going home early for a fucking cheating guy, who was also happily a few meters away enjoying himself after breaking your heart for the second time.

you wondered if you were too naive, if you really didn't know him that well and those looks full of love and pleading he so often gave when you were together were nothing but pure show, a fake better than yours designed to fuck up your life even more. was yunho so cruel, so cold and manipulative? that night, you needed to believe that he was.

"think i can give this place a second chance today" you spoke unsure of your decision, but willing to at least give it a try. yunho couldn't stop you, wouldn't let him, and you knew that seungcheol was ready to help with that.

"that's my girl" he said, kissing your cheek "in that case, i have something for you" you watched as he pulled out his wallet from his denim jacket, showing you a small black baggie that brought a new smile to your face "are you in?"

"sharing is for pretty people" chaeyoung appeared at your back, holding out her hand to seungcheol, who laughed and didn't fail to leave a small white pill in the palm of her hand, but to you he put it straight into your mouth, with a greedy smirk that you were quite used to and that made you slightly fall into his game. you stuck out your tongue slowly, where he left the pearl while looking at your eyes, brushing your tongue with his fingers and listening to him saying again that's my girl but, this time, several octaves lower.

however, cheol didn't move any more cards in that direction with you afterwards, again respecting your boundaries, which you were extremely grateful for. if you had to take it out on your best friend, you didn't want to do it. it seemed like playing dirty, even though you knew for a fact that he'd be more than glad to offer himself to the cause. it wouldn't happen, but his attitude helped to immerse you in the night.

while you waited patiently - as long as you could - for the substances to take effect in your system, you tried to distract yourself with literally anything. smiled, talked to all your friends at the table, joked even with them and tried to laugh heartily when the others did, but your attempts were not enough to contain your fucking curiosity and the inertia to satiate it by looking back to yunho's table.

sometimes, he wasn't there and you could only see his friends, because she was never there if he wasn't. you'd even swear that, on a couple of occasions, yunho looked in your direction too, but couldn't say for sure because, when you got that feeling, you looked away like a fucking coward. the last time it happened, your eyes ran to the bottom of your empty glass, and the need to cover your shame with alcohol fills your patience. obviously, you asked cheol to come to get another drink, and fulfilling his promise, he took your hand and walked with you downstairs to the bar. the crowd was heavy that night, which wouldn't bother you on any other occasion, but on this one felt the anxiety fill your lungs and keep the oxygen out. to make matters worse, a guy a little shorter than cheol walked up to him. you saw them hugging and understood immediately that they hadn't seen each other for a long time "babe, give me a minute. pay for the drinks, today it's on me" he took out his wallet again and put it in your hands "you'll be fine" you nodded with a smile, knowing would be very selfish if you told him otherwise "i'll be right back" cheol kissed your hand lightly before disappearing into the crowd. the thought of running into yunho, that girl or one of his friends hit your mind immediately afterwards, and had to take a deep breath not to run upstairs, because you didn't feel confident enough to face any of them, especially not your damn ex. luckily, you were served quickly and soon had full glasses in hands, so you opened cheol's wallet to pay the bill. that's when you met up again with the little black baggie.

the idea inevitably crossed your mind. looked around to find the people and the music were thick and mingled inside you with heaviness, feeling genuinely overwhelmed and the night didn't seem to be getting any better. although you'd already had one, this time it hadn't had any effect, so maybe… a second pill wouldn't be such a bad idea, would it? before you could think clearly - and realize that it was a terrible idea - you had the pill in your teeth, putting the bag back in seungcheol's wallet, who appeared seconds later accompanied by the same guy from earlier. you sighed, honestly a little uneasy because it was the first time you'd taken two pills in one night, but were too sober to stay on your feet. had run out of any strategy to keep you distracted and your gaze kept coming back to yunho and that damn girl over and over again. you were afraid of being too obvious, starting to cry again, or that some guy in that fucking group would notice you staring at them. "vernon, meet my favourite girl" the presentations were short, but pleasant. you soon find out that he's actually american and has been living there for a while, so it was great to see cheol again, a feeling that soon rubbed off on you. he was a really strange guy, but funny and very, very nice.

after talking to vernon for a while, which really kept you distracted - wouldn't be lying if you said that meeting him was almost a promise that the night could get better - it wasn't long before you finally felt your body react chemically. no clue if it was the fact that you were a little more relaxed, or that the dose was already high enough to have an effect on someone who was already used to a single pill, but suddenly, felt energetic and some kind of adrenaline rush hit you, along with the urge to expend that shot of electricity by partying for real. pulling your new friend along towards the same destination, the rest soon followed, tired from sitting on those leather couches all night. when finally made your way through the crowd of people, the music vibrated through your body, causing you to crack a smile that felt like it would tear at the corner of your lips. you knew yunho was close, but at that moment, didn't give a shit, focusing on nothing but your breathing becoming heavy in your chest as you jumped on the track, your heart pumping so fast that couldn't count the beats even if you wanted to.

at the height of the ecstasy you were experiencing for the first time, it felt like hours had passed, but in actual fact it only took two or three songs for the situation to change radically. in one of your little hops to the music, you clearly felt your knees failing to break your fall, and if it hadn't been for vernon and seungcheol's quicker arms, you would have crashed to the floor along with your glass, which shattered into pieces. it wasn't a big deal, and if you were in your senses, would have laughed at the situation and the fact that had already broken two glasses in one day. but not right then.

right then, you felt like every single look in thet club was falling on you. the hollow sound of glass crashing on the floor deafened you for a moment, and you could only focus on all those judgmental stares on your body, as if they knew you had just fucked up. as if they knew you had been dumped for someone else, that you were high and that, in reality, you would rather have taken cheol's first offer and gone home to rest and cry all the broken feelings pouring out of your heart. your breathing, once heavy, now became scarce. you had to hold on tightly to vernon's arm, who brought both hands to your sides to give you balance "beautiful, are you okay?" cheol asked you and you looked him practically panic-stricken in the eyes. you wanted to say no, that your heart was going too fast but you had no strength in either leg. you then tried to speak, but sickness built up in the pit of your stomach, causing a gag and forcing you to cover your mouth with a hand and only deny it.

seungcheol's reaction was, thankfully, fast. he whispered something in vernon's ear that you couldn't hear and gave you a quick smile before he disappeared running, or trying to, into the crowd. so far, you had been drinking quite a lot and quite possibly too much, so he opted not to waste a second trying to help. you wanted to follow him, confused and increasingly dizzy, but vernon held you tightly and forced a hand around his waist for a better grip "he'll be back. come with me upstairs" spoke in your ear. he broke away, looking at your legs slightly bent under your own weight "can u walk?" you nodded, gripping his waist even tighter before starting to move.

right then, you felt like every single look in thet club was falling on you. the hollow sound of glass crashing on the floor deafened you for a moment, and you could only focus on all those judgmental stares on your body, as if they knew you had just fucked up. as if they knew you had been dumped for someone else, that you were high and that, in reality, you would rather have taken cheol's first offer and gone home to rest and cry all the broken feelings pouring out of your heart. your breathing, once heavy, now became scarce. you had to hold on tightly to vernon's arm, who brought both hands to your sides to give you balance "beautiful, are you okay?" cheol asked you and you looked him practically panic-stricken in the eyes. you wanted to say no, that your heart was going too fast but you had no strength in either leg. you then tried to speak, but sickness built up in the pit of your stomach, causing a gag and forcing you to cover your mouth with a hand and only deny it.

seungcheol's reaction was, thankfully, fast. he whispered something in vernon's ear that you couldn't hear and gave you a quick smile before he disappeared running, or trying to, into the crowd. so far, you had been drinking quite a lot and quite possibly too much, so he opted not to waste a second trying to help. you wanted to follow him, confused and increasingly dizzy, but vernon held you tightly and forced a hand around his waist for a better grip "he'll be back. come with me upstairs" spoke in your ear. he broke away, looking at your legs slightly bent under your own weight "can u walk?" you nodded, gripping his waist even tighter before starting to move.

you had never experienced this feeling before. your legs were not responding and could clearly feel your body getting heavier by second, along with the involuntary bouncing of your head, like you had been drinking uncontrollably all night. it got worse as you approached the stairs, each step becoming a world, "there is not much left" vernon said, trying to cheer you up. you could see how was struggling not to fall down the stairs pulling your weight up, and couldn't help but feel stupid and helpless, because your head seemed to be working quite fast, with some clarity, but no part of your body wanted to cooperate. it was only when vernon finally managed to drop you into one of the couches in the reserved area that the fear really took over. every muscle in your body was so numb that you barely felt it, "easy, stay easy, you're fine" vernon knelt down in front of you to be at the height of your face, holding your hands and trying to comfort you. then he approached your face, looking closely at your pupils, trying not to be too obvious. didn't want to think about it, he wanted to be wrong. but either fortunately or not, vernon was quite sure of what was happening to you, and even though he tried to calm you down, because he also knew that it would be much worse if you found out, he was scared, and the deep black that suffocated your iris did not help.

seungcheol finally arrived with several small bottles of water and a tiny towel he had to ask for at the bar. you listened with a certain distance as vernon explained that your body was practically dead and you swore that you could hear your friend's heart racing as he realized how bad it really was at that point. you wanted to ask what was happening, but couldn't find any voice and only had the ability to cry, which you did when you saw cheol giving you a look of panic. he sat down on a chair in front of you and took both of your hands "hey, don't cry, don't cry" he began "i've called chaeyoung, we'll be leaving soon" you nodded in tears "but first u have to be honest with me, okay?" nodded again "did u drink something u didn't buy yourself? or any of us?" you denied this time, cheol sighed in relief "so you drank a lot then?" denied again. well, you actually drank a lot, but not enough to have you that bad.

"cheol, it's not alcohol, she's high" the music still raged in your ears and your senses weren't working properly, but you could hear vernon clearly. his words hit you like a bucket of cold water, making you cry even harder.

"high? like, drugged?" cheol repeated, notoriously confused. he was dead sure he had only given you a single pill, nothing you hadn't done a thousand times before.

"did u give her anything?" vernon denied, "nothing" he spoke honestly, "but these symptoms are not from drinking too much alcohol" vernon's voice was also full of concern, but he spoke with much more confidence than seungcheol. you opened your mouth to say sorry, wanted to tell the truth and apologize for being so stupid and irresponsible, but once again a gag forced you to shut up, sobbing in your seat in defeat as you tightened the grip of cheol's hands.

"what happened!?" you immediately recognized the voice of your friend nearby, and soon the left side of the couches sank, "u okay?" she cradled your face with both hands, getting a bad surprise when she saw the paleness of your skin soaked with tears.

"think it might be an overdose," Vernon spoke, "she've taken something, hasn't she?" your friends nodded.

"but we've done it many times, nothing like this has ever happened before." chaeyoung's voice cracked as she tried to talk to vernon.

"she must have taken something else" he approached your face again, lighting you up with his phone to see that your pupils, which turned your irises practically black, barely reacted to the intense light of the flashlight "for the moment she is awake, but it might be a matter of time before she collapses"

"don't mess with me, man" cheol complained, "we have to call an ambulance"

vernon took a deep breath before he replied "if you do, remember that this is punishable in korea" his voice seemed much more loaded with anxiety "she is not going to get rid of his drug use easily."

"and what should we do? expect the worst!?" chaeyoung was crying. you heard it clearly in her voice, and you felt your heart break for the second time that night, guilt and fear paralyzing any little sense you had left in your body, hating yourself for bringing yourself to such situation.

"of course not!" you felt the other end of the couch sink way, "we need to try getting her to vomit while she still awake"

"are u sure about that?" cheol insisted, but vernon shook his head.

"i'm not, but given the sympthons and her dilated pupils, it might be."

the next event was something you wished with all your might you could wipe from your memory, but clearly it would stay with you forever, as a lesson. the three of them accompanied you, practically dragging your body, to the toilet upstairs. it was chaeyoung who helped you vomit using her own fingers, succeeding after several attempts. the bile and tears stained your face, making you feel miserable in the cheol's arms, who tried to comfort your sobbing. when they succeeded, they sighed with a sigh of relief. chaeyoung hugged you after wiping her hands, and you felt guilty again because you could still smell the stink of your vomit on her. the crying increased as they tried to comfort you, and the worst part is, as you sat on the white bathroom floor, with your head resting on cheol's chest and your other two friends trying to soothe what was obviously pain, the only person you could think of was yunho, hoping that he would somehow find out what was happening, and come to take care of you. "i'm gonna get the water from the table, try to rinse her face while" vernon spoke again.

you heard the door close, and soon after, chaeyoung closed the lock to prevent anyone from seeing you in that situation. cheol tried to lift your body, but, oddly enough, it was even heavier than before. sure you had vomited, as vernon suggested, but you didn't feel any better - the nausea was still there and all the strength in your body was just a memory. all you could do was cry "chae" he called her "chae, it's not okay" the trembling in your friend's voice finally confirming reality, was the last push before anxiety, or panic, or maybe both, took over. you began to hyperventilate, the little air that filled your lungs left and felt a horrible pressure in your chest. your legs were shaking involuntarily and although you could feel your friends holding you up, had no stability at all. you were falling. their voices were still present, calling out to you in sheer terror, lightly patting your face as the lights dimmed. until you could no longer open your eyes. it was barely a couple of minutes, seconds for you and an eternity for your friends, but your consciousness faded for a moment, and your body became completely lifeless. by the time you opened your eyes again, the white light blinded you slightly before could clearly see the face of your friends surrounding you again, swollen and drenched "fuck, she's awake!" cheol practically shouted. you quickly pulled yourself back up, taking a big breath of air before running back out to the toilet to vomit. chaeyoung followed, brushing your hair away from your face as she patted your back. you could still hear her sobbing.

"let's go home" you mumbled, relieving a little more of chae's fear, who was yet to come out of shock at how you had ended up. you, who had always been an angel, who once trembled at the thought of taking something illegal or dangerous, were now slumped over the toilet bowl, messed up and on the verge of something she would have regretted for the rest of her fucking life.

didn't have to ask twice, all of your friends without exception, even including vernon, never left leave your side for a second -genuinely scared after seeing you in such a situation-, left the place. as you dodged the crowd, you thought about what could have happened, and you couldn't even have asked for medical help without ruining your record and destroying your working future in the country. you thought about what had done to your friends, who felt helpless and lost without knowing how and when you had consumed so much as to push yourself to the limit. but most of all, being infinitely selfish, you thought about how the only person you would really want to walk you home that night, to comfort you, to hold you and not let go until the next morning, was yunho. but the only, and the last, thing you got from him after all, was a last glimpse of his arm around that other girl you had been seeing him with all night, without him even giving you a single glance as you left that fucking club.

as you walked away from his figure, blurring through the salt that irritated your eyes, realized something that clicked in your mind like the piece of a puzzle you had been trying to complete for too long, and it is that the bitter taste of failure that agonized in your head and that did not let you breathe was actually the certainty that you had lost the only thing you thought you could still keep from yunho after he betrayed you in that way, after confirmed that he did not love you by doing something like this, that he was not faithful to you, that he was not yours. you had lost the one thing you could still treasure as your greatest and darkest obsession, you had lost his attention.

and with that, you had lost him forever.

OKAY ITS HERE!!! i struggled too much with that part because, although i had been thinking about it for a while, i had no idea how to write it to try to convey a sense of real loss and despair. i hope i succeeded at least a little bit!!! and above all that you enjoyed reading it ♡ although it is the last part, there is still the epilogue!!!!! and i am seriously thinking if it should be a good or bad one... anyway, thank you very much for reading me and giving love to my work, i am infinitely grateful ♡

all the loveeeee

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘♡⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

☆tags☆ @yeosangsbbg @atinyluv238 @livingdeadlisa-blog @kunikku @yzaeseong @pearltinyy @txt-yaomi @tunaasan @honeyhwaaa

[crushedsweets]

ANSWERING ASKS PT 4?

ok this is like 30+ asks LOL its mostly stuff about me/my art with a little crp sprinkled in im sorry... ill make a post thats actually answering the crp asks with real answers that arent "ILL DO IT EVENTUALLY I SWEAR" lololol

YOURE BOTH SO SWEET i havent been this passionate about smth in so long so hopefully im here for a while... thank u guys for indulging me. it makes me happy to post LOL

with love pls dont call me that buuuut. ninakate. ticciwork. ninatoby. ticcijack. ninajack. notice how its all in the same group...

hiii i dont plan to anytime soon! IF I WERE TO, cody and rouge are probably 'next in line' to being put in my AU, but i have no plans to actually commit to that

omg ok its funny cuz rn i HAVE ONE but its just me in it cuz im too lazy to organize all the bots and verification and whatnot. im also nervous about making a server cuz of some online occurrences that happened after u sent this HAHA so i'm kinda putting it off... but i reblogged tombs server and im sometimes active in there if u wanna join that one!

ffrhrughagahhhh

no ur right theyre such a power couple. i know we joke about toby being useless bf and clocky being badass gf but they're both really cool together.

I FORGOT I MADE THE TWILIGHT COMMENT LMFAAAOOOOOO I NEED i need. i need toby to find a random twilight shirt at a thrift and snag it for kate.

ME TOOOO its so delightful. i have so much fun playing with them like barbies.. making them kiss n whatever. LMFAOOOO so silly but yk

JEFF STANS ARE SO FUNNYYYYYYYYY i like you guys. laughing jack stans scare me but thats cuz that damn clown scares me... nothing that yall have done. youre just braver than me. LOL

i will not do this...

no literally its really bad. i hold horrible grudges BAHAHA but im working on it. im getting over my purple beef

omg. i listened to it and that was really cool. i like that thank u sm for sharing

IDK WHAT POST UR REFERING TO BUT YOURE RIGHT. LMAOOOOO

IM SORRYYYY im so sorry. i feel like this fandom is so small and most of the fans dont really ship in general so it suuuucks shipping here.. but i love them..

oh my god i need to i keep forgetting. the nina art i jus tposted of her holding th eknife was kinda.. kinda referencing her behaviors..

i do too!!! ive been neglecting them so bad im so sorry..

like the IEPFB tea party scene

I NEVER DID IT ANON IM SO SORRY IM GOING TO HELL

is this a song

i have not! i havent read alot of stories actually... i kinda like doing my own thing with them HAHA

omfg i had a clocknina drawing but i ended up privating but i think i should unprivate it...

ok actually im sorry i just am bad at requests omfg LMFAOO IM SORRY im so focused on nina ... forgive me...

THANK YOUUUU youre very sweet i appreciate you!!! <3

YEAH he's...one of the more tragic people. 100%. all loss

WHAT IS LIUJONJACK LOL WHOS JON??? ALSO LIUOTPS IS FUNNY

wdym ? !

LMFAOOOOO HEY ITS NOT A BAD COMBO THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A NINAKATE SHIPPER........

THANK YOU CUPCAKE i really like nina.. or my version i gues si dunno.. i like everyone else's nina too. i like this nina we got going on together

ok i keep grouping these together but also making them seperate im so bad at organizing these asks but HAHA I LOVE THEM TOO i swear ill try to get some ticciwork stuff out soon!!! my spring semester is almost over so hopefullyyy..

this is how you know i suck ass cuz this was christmas time and im replying NOW. im so sorry. i initially planned to draw them hanging around a tree but i didnt get around to it then got embarassed and never replied.... but i agree it would have been cute. ha di notfailed. LOL

[taihua]

33 for the fengqing kiss prompt????ur writing is divine <3

33. --as an apology.

Mu Qing decides to make an appearance as Feng Xin is on his way to join Xie Lian, which probably means he thinks it looks like a coincidence. Feng Xin glares from the corner of his eye and continues walking, Mu Qing trailing him like his own shadow.

"I was starting to think you died," Mu Qing says to break the silence.

"If this is how you're going to talk to me, then I wish I had."

He wasn't going to hold a grudge--Mu Qing is always mean. Feng Xin would have to start checking his meridians and throwing exorcism talismans at him if he stopped. But there are lines that aren't meant to be crossed, like the whole thing with Jian Lan...

"Feng Xin."

A tug at his sleeve. Feng Xin turns, and has time to observe Mu Qing's frown before he darts in to place a kiss at the corner of Feng Xin's mouth, which he may not have even been aiming for.

Affection from him is rare, so Feng Xin doesn't have to think too hard to guess the reason. "Don't tell me that's meant to be an apology?!"

Mu Qing's cheeks flush, and he looks away as he folds his arms across his chest. "Don't jump to conclusions. I just felt like it."

He's bad at this. But on the other hand, Feng Xin would rather cut himself open than listen to whatever backhanded series of comments Mu Qing would call an apology. Maybe it's better this way after all.

He can't resist, then; he returns the favor with a purposefully sloppy kiss to Mu Qing's cheek. "Whatever you say. Let's stop wasting time and catch up to Dianxia."

[cherry1sblog]

My collage roommate (part 2)

!!YJW!!

Summary:u entered collage everything was going amazing u had your bsf with u but there was one problem ur collage roommate… (also there is a plot twist about heeseung and jungwon there not as close as u think)

Warnings:cursing kissing (WILL EVENTUALLY BE A SMUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER JUST GIVE ME SOME TIME -also tell me if I missed any this

RECAP:

“Yeah that’s right just walk away that’s why yuji never wanted to be with just walk away from all your problems that’s probly why she wouldn’t even have sex with u!”

He stoped and let go of your hand and the next thing u know he’s punching heeseung

OMG JUNGWON

//BACK TO SCENE \\

“OMG JUNGWON!!”

You were completely shocked not knowing what to do but people obviously heard you screaming so people started to gather around but Jake and sunoo pushed thrue the crowd to see

“YO wtf are you guys doing “

Jake tried to pull jungwon off of heeseung after they both got each others punched jungwon wouldn’t stop pushing jake to the ground and leaving everyone shocked screaming yelling recording egging it on

“STOP SUNOO SUNGHOON DO DOMETHING”

At this point sunoo had gotten upset cause it was his party they decided to fight at jake was pissed everything was going wrong here sunoo grabbed jungwon and pushed him off sunghoon and Jake grabbing heeseung

“WTH DO YOU GUYS THINK YOUR DOOING “

“Maybe ask jungwon hes being a little bitch”

“Call me a bitch agian I just kicked your ass!!”

“Oh y-

“STOP IT I don’t know why tf you guys are fighting but I wanna go home you guys can be pricks later “

“Jake can you please take me home “

“Uh Sure”

“Wait y/n I was gonna take u-

“You’ve done enough for tonight you two should stay and help sunoo clean up you guys fucked up his party “

Jake took you to his car everyone eles left the comotion im almost positive heeseung went home pissed off sunoo obviously upset at the boys but wasn’t to upset cause the night still continued after you were in jakes car silent until he spoke to you

“Y/n”

You turned your head to face him

“You know whatever they said back there don’t pay attention to it”

“Yk I was trying to but everything was so outta pocket it’s messing with me “

“Ik you and jungwon just barley are getting to know eachother but he really dose like you “

“Can I ask you somthing “

Jake nodded as a response

“Who’s yuji and why did she break up with jungwon”

“Ah I really shouldn’t be the one to tell you this “

“Please jake”

“Ugh Fine Yuji we’ll she was um something she cheated on jungwon a lot and jungwon was done with it after he found out heeseung and her got drunk and accidentally slept Together “

“What that’s crazy heeseung dosent seem like that type of guy”

“Weel he was drunk but that’s what happened and after they broke up she spread lies cause she didn’t want people to know she was a cheater so she said things like Jungwons bad in bed he’s a virgin things like that”

“Damn I thought you guys were all best freinds he even said so himself “

“Well he’s not the type of person to hold a grudge so he forgave him but heeseung can be an ass about it sometimes “

“Ah I see “

The whole car ride to your dorm was more quiet after that convo you guys had you had no idea that happened to jungwon and well that girl you saw I Gusse he really did have a reason to be angry at her you were more confused as to why heeseung felt the need to be an ass still if jungwon had already forgave him maybe he was the one still caught up?

//when jungwon got home\\

You wanted to stay up and ask jungwon what happend so as soon as you heard him open the door to the dorm u marched to him just as he was walking thrue the hallway part to take his shoes off

“Wth was that yang”

“What’s it to you “

“Idk maybe the fact my name was brought up so many times”

“So many times are you talking about how heeseung said I wanted to fuck you “

“I-

“If that what you thought I’m sorry but I’m just tryna make sure your not a pon in his game “

“I can take care of myself if your so worried and what if I did huh What’s It To YOU”

“Yk what I couldn’t give a fuck less what you do”

You just nodded at him and picked at your lip and grabed you phone and wallet and a jacket and put on your shoes as fast as you could

“What are u Doing “

“Dw about it you couldn’t give a fuck less what I do right “

He grabbed your wrist getting you to stay you looked at him and threw your hand off of him

“Scince you couldn’t give a fuck less I’m going to heeseung s Place “

He pushed u back inside locked the door and pinned you to the wall

“What makes you think your going over there princess”

……….

[spamgyu]

rating and how long i would date svt based on mine and their birth chart bc they the hell not

my sun: scorpio / my moon: aries

(disclaimer this is done in pure fun and based on my interactions/dating history with the signs— dont fight me)

seungcheol — sun: leo / moon: capricorn

7/10 - 9 months

we're both stubborn and tbh i'd probably want to put him in a box and shake it really hard 3 months into dating

also as a scorpio... i am possessive and god........ a leo wanting attention??? from everyone??? god i am not ur strongest soldier

we'd be good for a bit but im crazy so

jeonghan — sun: libra / moon: aquarius

2/10 - 1 week

1 week bc he'll get bored and get the ick

my scorpio ass would love bomb him and he'd be over it after a week

also libras are too independent and just do whatever they want and they run away when someone likes them back so yeah hard pass

joshua — sun: capricorn / moon: taurus

9/10 - honestly maybe a year??? if he wasn't resident ms. bitch maybe i'd marry him...

okay honestly..... caps and taurus are actually a great match for scorps

BUT i have such horrible experiences with capricorns who put their EVERRYTHING first over their significant others and taurus men who ARE SO STUBBORN so...... minus one point

not zodiac sign but he's an only child...... that's too much for me.

jun — sun: gemini / moon: aries

0/10 - 1 day

i would think he's cute and maybe i can get one flirty interaction in.... maybe

when it comes to romantic relationships i stay away from geminis... they are the worst.... AND WITH AN ARIES MOON??

baby ur fine as hell but i might actually throw up bc with my aries moon .... girl if we fight.... yeah no

hoshi — sun: gemini / moon: gemini

-1000000/10 - no

get this man away from me

wonwoo — sun: cancer / moon: leo

3/10 - 3 months

HAHAHAHA

that pretty face disguising how crazy he is

like first of all the worst water sign to ever exist

second of all..... stubborn, passive aggressive, holds grudges.......

it would be good for like 2 months and then we have a fight and it will be the same fight we'll have over and over again bye

we're literally too much alike with our rising except as a scorpio im not AS sensitive idk i think two water signs will just be a fucking mess

woozi — sun: sagittarius / moon: aries

2/10 - 1 month

not just a sag but a sag CUSP?? yeah no

he seems like a great guy friend but no thanks im good luv xoxo

i think we would date for like a month but both of us have horrible commitment issues so...............

seokmin — sun: aquarius / moon: cancer

7/10 - 2 years??

maybe he'll be like a really good match??

idk bc he's an aquarius and they have commitment issues too.... but that cancer moon..... i feel like it would cancel out?? bc cancers are commited??

out of all the signs i have never dated an aquarius but one of my guy friends is an aquarius and he stresses me tf out when it comes to his love life so idk man......

mingyu — sun: aries / moon: pisces

10/10 - married with two kids, a boy and a girl. we just put a downpayment for a house in the hills. we're doing great

i MAY be biased just bc he has a very similar chart to my bf and if u read backburner he uh... he's my easy love.

he's also very much similar to my bf and when i tell you we have only fought once since we started dating......

and idk our sun and moon are at complete opposite so ??? idk guys maybe i'll dm him

anyways....

minghao — sun: scorpio / moon: aquarius

8/10 - not a single chance

8 only bc we may not date but GOD i know he would be that guy i flirt with just for validation LMFAOOOOO

like he got the two signs with commitment issues i know it wont happen

i feel like he would be a fun situationship pure toxicity involved lmfaoooo

anyways that says a lot about me, a scorpio woman

seungkwan — sun: capricorn / moon: virgo

10/10 - probably married to him if he wasn't a top contender for the title of resident ms. bitch

out of all the charts.... i think relationship wise he would be v compatible with me..........

but also i love virgos so ???

but ,...... a capricorn???? idk same issues with shua, ms. bitch and all.

vernon — sun: aquarius / moon: scorpio

4/10 - not a single chance

the way his sun and moon is minghao's but reversed

he'd be fun to like flirt with maybe???? literally same as minghao but he won't be toxic... but also idk??? that scorp moon tells me otherwise

4 only bc i know he and i would be on each other's roster but never date

more of like yeah we kissed when we were drunk but eh...

dino — sun: aquarius / moon: leo

3/10 - no

not a single thing in common

.... at all

the way we wouldn't even look at each other

...... he's fine as hell but lmfaooooo no

we'd be friends who kinda flirt but only bc his sign is very warm to people and kind in general and scorps flirt for fun so i'd take his kindness and just run with it lksfdjsldfjkf

and his leo moon would love the attention but

yeah no.

[sagstelliums]

(Left to right) WHAT WILL UR MARRIAGE BE LIKE?

Pile 1

-I see that ur spouse will love giving you things and surprising u with gifts, you guys will always keep ur relationship fun by changing things up. I see that you guys can’t stay mad at each other long and don’t hold grudges, you guys like to cuddle and be playful. I see that you will feel like this is ur ideal partner, being healthy may be important to both of you. You guys will always give each other compliments, I see you both being very protective of each other. Your spouse is patient and mild mannered. Signs(Aries/Virgo) initials P, S, E, Z, L, H, O

Pile 2

-ur spouse loves every part of you and makes you feel comfortable being you, they arent judgmental & they’re dominant and powerful. They have a positive outlook on life and will help you see life the same way they do, it takes a while lot to get them angry. They are blunt and expect you to be the same way. Signs (Gemini, Scorpio, Aries) initials Q, H, U, E, O

Pile 3

-I see that you could’ve manifested ur spouse, they’re someone is loyal/trustworthy. They are loving but they’re not clingy, they still give you a sense of independence. They are relaxing to be around and they can transmute ur negative energy into positive, they handle you with care and is gentle. They have a lot of integrity and they like to help. Signs (Leo/Scorpio) initials K, A, Y

Pile 4

-they will enjoy helping you and doing things together like showering and eating, they feel whole when they are with you and when they’re apart from u they can’t stop thinking about seeing u. I see that in the relationship u guys will spend a lot of time together at each other’s house before living together, ur spouse feels driven to do better since they have you. Your spouse is a hard worker and they work hard to plead you and get you whatever you want/need, they feel like you being out their best self and ur good at motivating them. Signs (Leo/Gemini) initials N, Y, Q, S, A, J,

Please watch my 18+ cancer reading on YouTube, personal readings always available

[volterran-wine]

I was re reading ur marcus headcanons and u said trusting him is not something you would endorse… PLEASE EXPAND!! Now im so curious and need to know exactly WHY??

I do believe I answered this inquiry some weeks ago, but I have decided to elaborate more.

In short, while others are playing checkers–Marcus is playing chess. Within my verse I fully believe that Marcus knows what happened to Didyme, at least enough to harbor some grudges. There are debts he wants to see paid at whatever cost.

While I have not revealed too much in my fanfics about how Marcus thinks, I will give one spoiler; Marcus does not always have the Volturi’s wellbeing in mind when he makes his moves.

If I ever get to rewriting Eclipse I will among other topics discuss how I think it was him who gave Jane the order to not help out The Cullens.

But that is a tale for another time…

― 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝑁𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑒

[fire-but-ashes-too]

SOOOOOO

i was tagged by @rickie-the-storyteller over heeeereeee and it didnt let me reblog so new post!

LAFGSLKRGHLSKGH THIS IS SO FUN HELP WHY DIDNT I KNWO THIS EXISTED-

ANYWAYSSSSS

i gto very little ships (sadly) so im gonna go with both platonic and romantic ehehehe

Annexander (is it how were calling it?? idk) (@holdmyteaplease ur the expert on this give me a feedback)

Alexander: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm? Anne: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

Alexander: *shatters a window and climbs through it* Alexander: *turns around and helps Anne through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Anne. Anne: Okay. Anne: Shut it Alexander, I only shook your hand because I had to. We will NEVER be friends. Alexander: Lets survive this together! Anne: I HOPE YOU DIE. Anne: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue? Alexander: Technically a mix of green and blue? Anne: So blurple. Alexander: That's implying you're mixing blue and purple. Anne: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE? Alexander: You were confusing before but now I'm scared Anne, holding a scooter: Alexander! Can I go outside and play with this? Alexander: Sure, whatever. I'm not your parent, okay? Anne, running outside: Thanks Alexander! Alexander, running out after them and screaming: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY! Alexander: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free: pouring river water in your socks! Anne: Why would I do that? Alexander: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free!

HELP CAUSE WHY IS THIS SO THEMMMM AKFGASKJGF

Anne and Indigo (the absolute besties)

Anne: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me? Indigo: Depends. Is your bed comfortable? Anne: Yes. Indigo: I'd sleep.

*Anne sends more than 5 messages in a row* Indigo: I ain’t reading all that. Indigo: I’m happy for you tho. Indigo: Or sorry that happened. Anne: I have a plan. Indigo: Good! As long as we aren’t breaking the law again, I’m open to hearing it. Anne: … Indigo: … Anne: I no longer have a plan.

Anne: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”. Anne: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

ok... this is scarily accurate...

Alexis and Claire (friends to lovers complete dumbasses edition)(they have exactly 1 brain cell and they take turns being the responsible one. most times i gets forgotten at home)

Alexis: My hands are cold. Claire: Here, let me hold them. Alexis: My lips are cold too. Claire: *covers Alexis's mouth with their hand* Alexis: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me. Claire: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do. Claire: You either buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonalds. Alexis: We're going to McDonalds if I don't do my work? Claire: NO- Alexis: What do you do for a living? Claire: I exist against my will. Alexis: Claire, I have a question. Claire: What is it, Alexis? Alexis: What color is an orange? Claire: Alexis, you bonehead! Its color is the same as its name. Just like a lemon. Alexis: I hope no one lowkey hates me. Alexis: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being. Alexis: Go big or go home.

THIS IS FUN. VERY FUN.

HOW TO CREATE CHARACTERS 101: NAME, BASIC VIBES AND THROW THEM AROUND IN THE INCORRECT QUOTES GENERATOR✨

tagging literally everyone i know on this one cause the world deserves to do this

@olivescales3 @albatris @bloody-neon @bassguitarinablackt-shirt @briannaswords @cabbojage @daisywords @desastreus @did-i-do-this-write @deanwax @digital-chance @enchanted-lightning-aes @ember-writer @eli-is-an-idiot @firesmokeandashes @fioreshere @guessillcallitart @gwenthekween @harleyacoincidence @holdmyteaplease @iannicellis @jaxypaxyhaxy @j3st3rfun3r4l @kooperation1101 @koala2all @lycaens @liv-is @lyonette-does-things @mayakern @nocturnalmohawk @quinnharperwrites @roisinivy @raspberrykraken @spicymochi @scifimagpie @the-mindless @unmellowyellowfellow @whynotcherries @writingmargo @writing-with-sophia @writeblr-of-my-own @wrenofthewords @yeahthatswhatimtolkienabout @yesireadbooks @your-absent-father @zihus @zillanovikov sorry if i tagged any

[loving-n0t-heyting]

would be curious to hear more about ur near-expulsion, if you're happy to share! no worries if not

I would never pass up an opportunity to indulge some self pity about my youth!

The long and short of it is tgat i was quite seriously mentally ill in hs—not ever psychotic, which is how a lot of ppl tend to read that, but very emotionally disturbed—and my school was veeeeeery bad at handling this.

Starting end of freshman year i was in a very emotionally abusive relationship, i could give and have in the past given more lurid details but at this point it feels kind of ridiculous to hold that extensive of a grudge against another pretty differently mentally ill 15yo. It came to an end start of junior year, where i told her i was self harming and asked her to tell the counselors about this. She agreed, and their response upon hearing about the relationship was to tell both of us, "Holy shit, you have to break up"

The breakup was a lot harder on me than it was on her, in large part bc i had very little of any remaining friend circle among the other students (see: emotional abuse) and my teachers that semester were for whatever reason less able to talk to me outside of class (i generally preferred adults to fellow kids whenever possible). This led to a situation where i was breaking down fairly dramatically now and then in school, which did not make the school administration very happy

They prolly would have expelled me immediately, had it not been for the fact i was by the numbers an especially promising student. You can read this in a sort of meritocratic way, that i was being rewarded for my intelligence and hard work. But i think the deeper explanation was more crass: as a private religious school with a strong reputation and high overhead, they relied heavily on alumni support to maintain themselves and thought i would be a future cash cow, and so were eager not to lose my future munificence (jokes on them lol). So instead of expelling me they... forcibly isolated me for the rest of the semester, msking me study from home away from all contact with other students. This was (surprise!) terrible for both my academic motivation and my wider mental health

Part of my overall deterioration was that i started posting a ton of mildly insane religious and rightwing shit in long essays on facebook. The importance of sexual repression was one major theme, but also stuff about the metaphysics of angels and Society, the need for a theocratic upheaval of existing democratic institutions, etc. (Also there was one about how the school shouldnt ban the proposed gsa? Which seemed very natural to me but prolly struck others as weird.) This contributed to two deleterious interactions with my school administration. First was a couplr of crazy letters i sent to the administration denouncing insufficient rigour in the theology curriculum and proposed changes in class scheduling to be implemented my senior year. Second was my tattling on a shithead the year above me who started responding to my bizarre essays with screeds about how i was the moral equivalent of a meth dealer, which was technically a violation of school rules leading to mild official rebuke. The school was not at all happy about the first one, and the second would eventually bite me once i returned

Oh, i almost forgot: part of the conditions on returning to school were that a shrink diagnose smth wrong with me thst medication could fix, said shrinks protestations that he couldnt find anything strsightforwardly treatable thru pills not withstanding. Thus began my almost decade long history of coercive administration of psychiatric medications, first fluoxetine and then (after that gave me scrupulosity spirals so severe and immobilising my parents had to call a priest to our home just to hear the worlds most banal confession) mirtazapine, which would regularly induce sleep too powerful to let me wake in time for school and caused me to launch into incoherent delirious fits if my parents tried to wake me for it. (This was not when i was introduced to antipsychotics, which began instead 2yrs later in college after a failed hanging.) So that was fun

I made it back go school the following semester, where i was unsurprisingly just as isolated and emotionally unwell given my lack of any social support and enforced separation from the only person among the students i had previouslybeen close with (my shitty ex). I was incredibly bored and unmotivated, and for the first time in my life started to get failing grades after i continually blew off homework and study

Then, one day, i happened upon a means of relieving my boredom. Sitting in the college admissions lounge i found the guy whod been an ass to me on fb hanging out with his gf, and approached him to start demanding an apology. Obviously he got pretty pissed and refused, so for the time being i left him. But from then on, any time i saw him in the halls vel sim, i would approach him to again request an apology, less out of any expectation he would experience a change of heart than bc it at least gave me smth to do

This reached its summit after a couple of months when, the day of parent teacher conferences, i was sitting in a nearby public library and saw him walking down the street with his gf. Ofc, i followed him and again started pestering him for an apology, to which he this time replied with threats of physical violence. This was apparently quickly reported to the administration as stalking, and my parents were informed of it later that afternoon. They were, unsurprisingly, pretty upset, but let me know later that the school (iiuc) had not yet decided to expel me, but had instead retained the services of a psychologist to determine whether i was suffice sane to be held responsible for my actions enough to expel me. This was the point at which i pulled the "You cant fire me!" with my parents help

It didnt turn out so bad in the end. I was able to start college early at a peculiar but much beloved liberal arts college in my city, where i had a very rewarding undergraduate education leading to a promising graduate school career for 5yrs before similar psychological deterioration (with a much more understanding set of teachers/administrators) forced me to temporarily withdraw, leading to my past 5yrs of faildaughter idleness

Eta: im prolly inordinately self critical about my theologico political juvenilia. It bears the unmistakable quality of in fact being juvenilia but so does, idk, the treatise of human nature. I havent looked at it in ages, i cannot speak much to its merits anymore, but like, if it werent for that stuff i prolly wouldnt have gotten as intellectually far as i did. Even if im still short of where i want to be

[venusandlotus]

en-ner-jay said

Hello pookie. I'm just mew to the blog & a new follower. If its okay, can I join your kpop game? (Option 2)

My name is Nikka. Zodiac sign is Taurus. I have these placements:

SUN - Taurus

MOON - Gemini

MERCURY - Taurus

VENUS - Cancer

Thank you so much. 🗝️🧡

Hello Nikka✨ , if i m not wrong u choosed Enhypen for the compability right?

So here are the list of members who might be compatible with you

Jake , the magician card

In this bond its likely that u two might encounter lots of good times together and its possible u two might even help eachother to see life with new perspectives. I m getting that u two might be different from eachother in energy level or vibes but yall’s differences will compliment eachother and will bring smthing new to learn thats what i m sensing

Ni-ki , ace of wands

In this bond he is likely to be that kind of friend who will be always up to do everything that u can ask him . He is giving more of a partner in crime vibes here. A type of frn whos always up to do whatever u say or ask him to do . He might even support u even in ur dumbest ideas

Sunoo , queen of wands

I feel like if u two ever became frns its likely that he might match ur energy and u two may really be honest with eachother even if a fight happens its likely that u two wont have grudges inside , even if u two have probs u two might solve it out quickly. A true friend vibes he is giving here

[wibble-wobbegong]

you talked about purity culture and this weird demonisation of anything sexual as soon as it comes to the queer characters before - which is especially weird when it comes from teens who are themselves queer and have fallen victim to this infantilising purity mindset - but i'm just going to stress it again. if you're watching the show with the assumption that characters who are canonically in love can not in any way shape or form have attraction implied in their relationship.... buddy i don't know what you're expecting s5 to look like? so you want these two characters to get together right. but you think showing anything more than a peck on the lips is fetishising and sexualising and whatever other buzz word gets thrown around? because in all honesty, with the track record st has of how they get ships together i don't think you're getting a two second peck on the lips 😭

like, be as much into purity culture as you want but you're watching the same show that had one couple get together by hooking up in some random conspiracy theorist's dingy bungalow two seconds after kissing for the first time and the other by making out in a church shirtless covered in bruises and on the run from authorities... the only couples that didn't get this treatment are the Children. and Byler post time skip will be around 16-17. that's potentially even older than stancy when they were hooking up regularly. if Byler don't at least get to make out or kiss with more than a peck on the lips it would honestly give weird vibes compared to all the other canon relationships. if all the het ships get more than a peck and your main gay ship stays all innocent and pure you're having a very apparent homophobic bias

i'm not saying the show will be graphic, of course it won't, None of these getting together scenes were graphic. but just saying. if you watch s5 waiting for a Byler endgame with your purity glasses on you Might get a bad surprise. (i'd be curious though if these people would actually hold a morality grudge over the show afterwards. like you said with the hose implication, no one was even mad at the show for the scene, it was just at people Acknowledging the scene)

CHEERING CLAPPING CHEERING anon im kissing ur brain

[sixx6sexx2love]

DATING YNGWIE MALMSTEEN

OMGG ITS BEEN FOREVER IM SORRY🙏 MY MEDS ARE STABLE NOW. AND ALSO IF U GUYS DONT KNOW WHO YNGWIE MALMSTEEN IS JUST PLS PLS READ IT I THINK YOU GUYS WOULD LIKE HIM (HES ALSO A CAT PERSON!!)

also his name is pronounced “ing-vay” so u guys won't say some stupid shit like “yeeng-wee”💀

word count: 815

warnings: alcohol, arguments

dating Yngwie malmsteen, a guitar god, would definitely be something.

In the 80s, he was at the height of his career, and his band, Rising Force, was gaining popularity worldwide but you guys would probably start dating when he was already doing solo work.

If you dated him in the 80s, you would have experienced firsthand his passion for music and his intense personality. But it could have also been a rollercoaster ride, he has a temper and bad mood swings.

you guys could meet in different ways, maybe you were at one of his concerts and you caught his eye, or maybe you work in the music industry as a roadie, promoter, and meeting him backstage or on tour, or maybe you're also in a band and you open for his shows.

but most likely a party is where you guys would meet, he partied a lot just like any other.

yngwie would use pet names like sweetheart, love and darling, I can't really see him as a babe or baby person unless he was drunk off his ass or apologizing for something.

because this is the 80s and he was at the peak of his career and known for his intense personality and being all fiery (literally, he lit his guitar on fire on stage), i highly doubt he'd be afraid to show some pda. 

though it would be kinda rare to see him make out with you or grope you in places he knows that there will be paparazzi and stuff, but there's always that one rare picture of you two making out at a party that shows up 30 years later on pinterest LMAO.

but hed hold hands, hug, and kiss you wherever.

plus if you guys got engaged or something or just for fun, hed have a photo shoot with you (kinda boring though, it'd just be like any other photo shoot some rockstar had with their girlfriend)

now Yngwie never had a problem with drugs but was a major alcoholic  and he was quite a party animal, but when he drinks he's more loose and carefree and sometimes even goofy.

its mostly when he's sober that he acts like the guitarist version of axl rose lol.

he likes his wine, not much of a hard liquor guy. like if he were choosing a drink for himself, its definitely some kind of expensive wine or champagne, but if there was only whiskey or something wherever he is, he won't complain.

literally every interview I've seen him in he has a big ol glass of wine.

I can see you two taste testing wine, he'd just have a bunch of bottles on the table and you two would just constantly refill your glasses.

yngwie is veryyy dedicated to his work and very arrogant when it comes to playing guitar.

he doesn't let ANYBODY touch his shit like seriously, thats why he started doing solo stuff because he couldn't play with bands.

so with that he probably wouldn't let you in his studio. not like in a “no girlfriend zone” but if he's recording or just frustrated then he needs that time with no distractions (cus ur so distracting you pretty little thing rawr😍)

but if its just like a whatever day then you can be in the studio with him, hes fine with that.

and just to be a good boyfriend and make you feel included, he'd ask for your opinion but wouldn't really take it too much into consideration if you had a suggestion, but would get a little annoyed if you said you didn't like it.

arguments with him can be really intense and emotional, hes a passionate person with a temper and is known to be easily frustrated especially if he felt like he wasn't being heard or respected.

he would lash out at you and use strong language, he could be stubborn and refuse to compromise at times, which could make resolving arguments difficult.

making up after an argument would be kinda challenging, he holds grudges and is slow to forgive, he could be stubborn and take time to cool off.

However, if he did reconcile with you after an argument, it is possible that he would be passionate and sincere in expressing his apologies. He would likely be genuinely remorseful and would want to make things right again.

anyways I feel like hed really like telling you what its like in Sweden and you get to hear his Swedish accent that was still thick since he had only moved to America in ‘83.

and he'd tell you about his first band he made when he was 10, and how he would listen to queen and how he looked up to Bryan may, and how his younger brother plays drums.

he'd definitely talk about taking you to Sweden to meet his parents and older and younger brothers.

@bisexualnikkisixx