#vague posting me on new years when i haven't even been here in over a week like come the fuck on don't you have a life to attend to

[chatonnoir]

Predictably adrienette fangirls are vagueposting me and to no one’s surprise they’re being dense and illiterate about it at that so I’m going to repeat myself about what my actual problem with pre-reveal adrienette is and maybe they’ll read it this time before they go on to write another 8 paragraphs about how much they supposedly don’t care about my opinion

I love Adrienette, contrary to how the Adrienette fangirls are trying to frame this is as just being about Side Preference, because considering that people’s upset could be anything more than “they’re just salty it wasn’t their favorite side 💅” is apparently too complex a concept to grasp. You know why Adrienette could never be my favorite side of the square, though?

The problem is the show never let them be what they could be at their best because it always chose to prioritize drama. Things like their adventures in Gorizilla and them joking around together in Puppeteer 2... they never gave me more of it. They always chose cliche contrived drama and drawing out the will they won't they """tension"""" over letting them spend real time together and get close. And that just makes me mourn the fact its only this way because the majority of people think THATS the most interesting part of a ship. Why let Adrienette get to the point of being able to comfortably hang out together as close friends when that "diminishes" the """tension"""" after all??? No one wants to see FRIENDSHIP silly!

This side is always plagued with corny forced drama and manufactured "tension" more than other, which is achieved by not letting Adrienette get close as friends at all costs and throwing in waste my time bullshit like love rivals to extend the runtime of said "tension". Every seemingly promising scene with them becomes a microcosm of this phenomenon. Puppeteer 2 was nice but the comfort and joking around together didn't stick and they cut it short with more of that love triangle "the girl you're in love with?" bullshit. I was excited when it seemed like Marinette was going to join the fencing team in Riposte because their interactions in that scene were cute and I was happy to see them spend more time together and become comfortable while sharing this common interest, only for it to turn out that that was all to introduce a goddamn love rival plot that amounted to nothing besides developing the friendship between the two protagonists and said love rival more than their friendship to .... each other. Again, gotta prioritize the Tension!!1!1!!

I've said if I wanted to watch another generic school romance I'd choose to watch a much better one than pre-reveal Adrienette. One example? Anne/Gilbert. I'm going to talk about the Netflix version here: Anne/Gilbert feels a bit like what Adrienette might've been if the umbrella scene didn't happen and it took longer for Marinette to warm up to him. Anne gets awkward and babbles and puts her foot in her mouth around Gilbert.  Gilbert is all smitten smiles and soft looks when he sees her being Anne(TM) and being her weird self or standing up for what’s right. But that's not all. They're good friends. They have a rivalry. They tease each other. They argue. He tells her directly when he disagrees with something she did. They challenge each other’s perspectives. They grieve together. They hold each other and cry after they lose someone important to them. Anne’s the first person Gilbert wants to tell about things that happen to him. Gilbert comes to Anne to discuss his future when he's confused. This was all before they were even together. This is the depth and rawness and realness that I wish Adrienette gave me. Alas, it's Ladynoir that has all that depth and closeness, while I'm not even convinced Adrienette can even be considered "close" at the end of season 4. Three hundred “soft looks” scenes only go so far. They only just scratched the surface of said closeness with Risk, and even that wasn't entirely organic considering it took magic to get it to happen. I hoped that would finally be the start of letting Adrienette get closer as friends and have some real substance and--- oops! They're dating now lol.

Weird as hell that Adrienette fangirls are being like “you all think platonic relationships are less than romantic ones and it shows 💅 one lovesquare side getting together doesn’t kill the others” acting like they really did something when … the whole fucking issue here is that Adrienette needed to develop as friends. Even if we ignore the fact that this is a piece of fucking Romance media and therefore not the place to whine about the value of platonic love when the romantic development is literally the main fucking plot, Ladynoir has had all the depth and platonic development and platonic love built up already. Ladynoir is fully realized. They've struggled and been at odds and reconciled and seen each other at their best and worst and grown together. It’s Adrienette that’s lacking in platonic development, it’s Adrienette that some of us wanted to have developed into a strong platonic relationship first but apparently, for reasons unknown, they’re incapable of being friends and needed to date to have any of that long overdue development. The Adrienette stans KNOW they needed development, they even defend pre-reveal Adrienette by saying they needed the development, but bizarrely y'all think it absolutely had to happen through speed running pre-reveal dating rather than uh..... friendship. Are ladynoir stans really the ones failing to see the value of platonic love here lol

One thing I always hated that this fandom did was treat romantic love as an ulterior motive or somehow shallow. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that once again that theme comes up in the defense of this plot point with “nOw LaDyNoIr CaN bE fRiEnDs wItHoUt uLtErIoR mOtIvEs.” I’m sorry some of y’all think someone wanting to get closer to another person or having affection for them is an ulterior motive lol. Maybe this is the consequence of how hollywood and popular culture has equated romantic love to sexual tension. Maybe this is why I’m having to listen to adrienette fangirls say deranged shit like “ladynoir was meant to be the platonic side and adrienette was meant to be the lovers side uwu” because of course, a deep bond built on real trust and friendship and affection with someone who you can share things you can’t with most others, a relationship reminiscent of what actual healthy romantic relationships look like in real life, isn’t romantic at all, but forced Tension and contrived schoolgirl drama, apparently, is romantic.

In case some Adrienette fangirls are still having trouble with reading comprehension: I love adrienette and everything they could be. I hate how they’re often handled in canon. When I talk about what Ladynoir has that Adrienette does not, that’s me explaining how their writing and development was handled better and how Adrienette isn’t allowed to reach that point, not why one side is “superior” lol. Despite me saying this I know Adrienette stans are still going to take it as a personal attack when I point out the objective fact that Ladynoir has the closer and more developed relationship lol

The past four seasons but season 4 more than any other established these themes of truth vs. lies and secrets and the importance of being honest with your loved ones and how secrets are hurting them more than they’re helping. They were even in the fucking titles of the first three episodes of the season. And it seemed so obviously to be building up to a reveal, of course the culmination of all the interpersonal conflicts and anguish they’re going through would be the two of them revealing their identities right? No, actually, the solution to the question of truth/lies/secrets posed at the beginning of season 4 is ….. for Adrien and Marinette to have sex.

That’s right, folks. Not identity reveal, not for Adrien and Marinette to be honest with each other the way Alya and Nino were, the culmination of this conflict is …. For them to have sex. The picnic blanket date scene where they lay down and try to kiss only for Marinette to be “Not Ready” and for Adrien to tell her that he can Wait For Her <3, which takes place in the same spot as the implied GabrielxEmilie Adrien Conception Picnic, is an unsubtle first time sex metaphor. Fuck honesty and personal growth! Fuck Adrien and Marinette actually saying goodbye to their best friends! "I'll never abandon you" and "never do that to me again" and "I'm afraid of you disappearing for my life" all didn't mean fuck all when it comes to getting fucked on a picnic blanket! The rest of the lovesquare got thrown over because Adrien and Marinette are just so fucking horny apparently :’) This is what the pre-reveal Adrienette stans are calling peak romance and the best season of the show. My god

Though I can’t say this kind of contrived botched unnecessary conflict and nonsensical “development” on the Adrienette side is new to this season. Adrienette stans were noting the Glaciator 2 -> Risk """"development"""" like "look! Marinette stopped seeing Adrien's sadness as an Opportunity to Win him and listened to his feelings! Character/Relationship development 😌✨" Except.... no. That wasn't development that ever needed to happen. Marinette was already capable of seeing Adrien's sadness way back in season 1 (Rogercop) and of caring more to see him happy than about pushing her own feelings on him (the scarf in Bubbler + being his 3rd wheel in Frozer). Then Glaciator 2 decides to introduce this asinine "Adrien is sad now's my chance!!1!1!" moment so that y'all can later pretend Adrienette had a development moment here when it REALLY didn't. That was literally not what was holding her back for the past 4 seasons. That was a solution to a problem that never existed in the first place.

The drawn-out “not being ready to kiss Adrien” conflict this season is a completely new invention too because guess what: We had Chat Blanc! We SAW Marinette was already happily ready to kiss Adrien in full view of her friends back in season 3!!! Pre-reveal Adrienette is repeatedly negating past characterization and past development and past established themes for its forced drama and Adrienette stans are shutting their eyes to that fact because uuwwwu cute Adrienette scenes!!!11!!!1

(And y’all know people can enjoy the scenes/think they’re cute while still disliking the plotpoint/writing surrounding it, right? Or is that still too complex a thought for this fandom)

The fear of rejection has been there for the past 7 years, ready to be tackled at any moment. Those of us that actually paid attention to Marinette’s character, and weren’t just projecting ourselves and our high school fantasies on to her like a lot of these pre-reveal Adrienette stans, were all waiting for it to naturally payoff with a Marinette confession scene, regardless of the outcome. Let her overcome that rejection sensitive dysphoria!!!! Oh, wait, nevermind, now that problem has been gleefully skipped over and apparently the REAL issue is that Marinette can’t kiss Adrien. Fucking Phenomenal. Marinette already knows Adrien loves her and was able to completely skip over the "overcoming her fear of rejection" part but she's still scared for some reason and everyone is going to pretend this is so compelling and soft uwu and not completely lackluster compared to the powerful character moment that could've been if she'd been allowed to confront this fear pre-relationship. The past 4 seasons of her trying and failing to tell Adrien how she feels were actually just more dilly dallying contrived runtime expansion because that issue was never going to be something she needed to overcome through Facing Said Fear, apparently. Adrien had adequate development in realizing he needed to drop the Cat-sanova schtick with Ladybug if he wanted to be seen for who he is. On Marinette's side of the personal growth and development? Crickets. She’s just a scared little animal who needs Adrien to handle it all for her uwu. She never needed to do any growing, it was always Adrien! Adrien’s Feelings were always the obstacle actually! It’s Adrien’s job to make this all happen! Fuck seeing our protagonist taking initiative and overcoming that seasons-long fear in a satisfying confession payoff I guess!

There were conditions under which I actually would’ve accepted pre-reveal Adrienette, like for example actually getting that confession scene, but the way it played out in canon flopped. I thought ML was following the Raimi Spider-Man plot, which it has been in many ways, but even those movies had Peter Reject Mary Jane after she finally realized she loved him, and only let them get together after his identity was revealed and Mary Jane was able to accept that Spider-Man and Peter Parker are a package deal. Here’s another example of an actual good school romance I’d choose over pre-reveal Adrienette every time: Sawako and Kazehaya. The pinnacle of sweet slowburn slice of life school romance. Kurumi, an actually effective romantic rival character, tells Sawako that she’s not worthy of being called her rival if she simply gives up and wallows without ever actually mustering up the courage to confess her feelings to Kazehaya. The love rival got rejected and got her heart broken, only to be the one who pushed the protagonist to confess, and then we got a beautiful, emotional confession scene where Sawako, despite all her shyness and anxiety, puts herself out there and pours her heart out and tells Kazehaya that she loves him, all Without Knowing Her Feelings Are Returned. It was powerful and satisfying and tear-jerking and earned and it put the reigns in our protagonists’ hands. Pre-reveal Adrienette flopped with this. Now I’m going to have to endure the fans acting like this half-season-long contrived drama/first time sex metaphor was the REAL issue all along and that it’s actually a well-written and compelling conflict. Now they’re going to pretend Marinette continuing to be afraid to confess and having to overcome that while already knowing Adrien loves her is in any way logical or satisfying. Who cares about seeing our protagonist take initiative and grow and be rewarded for it!

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the same people who are rallying for this shit are some of the same people who’ve put Adrien salt on my dash and whine about Chameleon on a monthly basis because it was already clear from those salt takes that they clearly do not understand these characters. It was never about character growth for Marinette. Narrative themes never really mattered. It’s all about the self-projection. The people who are happiest about this are the Marinette kinnies who think Adrien needed to learn a lesson and Finally Notice and Appreciate NormalGirl Marinette and/or stop being “pushy” with Ladybug and learn his Lesson to blindly follow Marinette through all Chameleon-esque drama in the future. They love the idea of having that celebrity boycrush romance fall in to their laps with no personal reflection or growth on their own parts and they love their self-insert Marinette having an echo chamber entourage of friends that follow her blindly and never disagree with her if she has personal beef with someone. The inequality and double standard -- that Adrien's original crush was treated as the Obstacle that he had to Grow from and Get Over while Marinette's isn't -- isn't a problem to the Marinette kinnies because to them it's always everyone else's fault for not Appreciating or being Loyal Enough to Marinette of course. It was never about her growing. The real problem was always Adrien ~~~being too blinded by red and black to notice the cute girl behind him in class uwuwuww~~~ or however that cornyass cliche shitty fanfic line always goes.

Pre-reveal Adrienette has framed the rest of the lovesquare, and especially Adrien's feelings for Ladybug, as a simple obstacle that always stood in the way of the end goal of Adrienette, not a completed/fully realized square. Pre-reveal Adrienette decided that the entire point of the season 4 conflict was actually about making Adrien finally ~get over~ Ladybug so he'd ~notice~ Marinette. Pre-reveal Adrienette made it so Alya's entire role in Season 4 was actually just to get in-between Ladynoir to reach this end. Pre-reveal Adrienette started with the two of them bizarrely forgetting about the existence of their superhero best friends and ghosting them to get laid, which, seeing the later eps, was clearly just a summary of how this entire phase of their relationship is going to play out. Pre-reveal Adrienette bizarrely snubs the years-long plotline of Marinette's romantic feelings for Chat Noir after just 3 episodes of exploring them (even the Adrienette stans are relying on pure speculation of future episodes to justify this shit, you know, when they're not relying on their asspull argument that ladynoir stans just "think platonic relationships are less than romantic ones and it shows 💅🤪").

It’s hilarious to hear pre-reveal Adrienette fangirls vaguepost like “you’re just mad it wasn’t your favorite side 💅” when I’ve said multiple times that I would not have been satisfied with pre-reveal Ladynoir either because I Wanted to see that climactic Marinette confession moment and see Marinette’s fear of rejection handled in a satisfying way (and my dream for season 5 was to see all 4 sides openly simping), meanwhile it’s exceedingly clear these Adrienette stans are making a lot of excuses and hinging their defenses of pre-reveal Adrienette on pure speculation (lmao when their justification depends on future, yet-to-be-seen episodes being Better) and retroactively rewriting the past four seasons to ignore the abandoned themes and to tell anyone who doesn’t like it that they're just salty about their own side and were actually hallucinating all the blatant themes in the past seasons and to pretend this writing isn’t completely disjointed and nonsensical because they’re actually the ones who only care about seeing their favorite side be canon 🤷‍♀️

[deadbeatbirdmom]

I've a vague recollection of posting something about this before at some point, but I've seen other posts around about it and felt like saying something.

Yang Xiao Long is canonically sapphic. At this stage the only thing we know for certain is that she's romantically paired with Blake. There was this whole confession of love and kiss, and seeing a gif of that cross my dash was what got me into RWBY.

There was also the Volume 9 Bluray commentary released later on last year, the gist of the relevant part of that is Blake is Yang's first love, and as of that confession scene Yang is realising something new about her sexuality. If CRWBY had wanted to confirm Yang as lesbian, bi or pan, they could've. But it sounds like Yang herself hasn't fully figured that out yet. The only thing that is certain is that Yang isn't het.

That means there's nothing wrong with headcanons that she's lesbian, or bi, or pan. Or even that she's Blakesexual and not interested in anyone else and never will be. All are valid. There's no erasure or phobia of any sexual orientation involved with any of these headcanons.

My own headcanon is that she's lesbian, or will be when she's figured it out. It's something that takes time for a lot of people, me included. I was over 25 before I figured out I was bi. You'd think that being bi I'd headcanon Yang as bi too, but no, and that's not internalised biphobia. I just don't get the impression she's interested in men.

But what about this moment back in Volume 1?

Yang leering at shirtless boys, after saying she approves of them in response to Ruby commenting that she doesn't think their dad would approve of all the boys. This is the single time Yang shows any interest in boys, and it sounds a lot like a joke. It can be interpreted as Yang genuinely finding those boys attractive, but with the way Yang has a thing where she deflects with humour it's hard to tell for sure.

There's also the secondary canon of that Volume 9 commentary. At this point in Volume 1 Yang herself presumably had even less certainty of her own sexuality than she does at least a year later. She's 17 here, and she's 19 when she kisses Blake. We also know from that commentary that Yang's first love is Blake, so anyone she might have been with before that? She didn't love them. And I personally find it unlikely that she'd be with anyone she didn't love.

Secondary canon is one of those things that some people ignore. If it's not in actual main canon, they don't consider it canon. It's also easier to miss than main canon. There could well be people who haven't heard about the Volume 9 commentary. There could even be people who don't know that Blake is bi, because it's not explicitly stated in RWBY itself. It's just implied by her romantic history, and by Bumbleby being canon.

There's also nothing wrong with shipping Yang with anyone else. She's with Blake in canon, but there's no reason she can't be with someone else in headcanons and fanfic or fanart. And vice versa with Blake. Which does feel kinda weird to type, but then they are my OTP.

[solradguy]

hey whatever happened to that post of you defending sol x ky and sol x sin

Lmao. Ok. Alright. You know what? I've been putting up with this shit for six fucking months now. I'm done with you, Xavier, and your little echo chamber on Discord. You're telling people I'm into pedo shit now and you're straight up pulling it out of your ass. I'd call you out by your handles but you're a coward that gets everyone else to do your dirty work for you.

Six. Fucking. Months.

I haven't posted anything about you publicly, and have never said a single word to you, because of the sake of the wiki and the people in that project that are/were friends with you, and cared about you. But it's clear you're absolutely out of your mind. You've crossed a line with this Sol/Sin shit. This probably isn't you that sent this ask, but I'd be willing to bet it's someone from your echo chamber Discord server because no one except the people in there hate me as much as you do. Even the transphobes on Twitter that sent me death threats have moved on better than you have.

Here's the entire story about my (not even direct) interaction with you and your server for everyone to know.

Back in March—which was nearly six months ago, I cannot stress that enough—you wanted to edit the Bedman page on the new wiki and put information on there that wasn't verifiable, namely that he was a legal adult. We had the page locked because of other people that wanted to vandalize it and weren't willing to unlock it for you specifically, but we were willing to put any additions on there that you suggested. One of our admins spoke with you to try to resolve this. You wanted full editing credits for everything put on there that was written by you. Even if you were editing the page yourself, that just isn't how wikis work. During all of this, we were made aware that you were shit talking us and writing death threats about us. You also trash talked my translations, for some reason. When the negotiations with our mod didn't give you the outcome you wanted, I believe our mod blocked you.

We thought that was the end of it. Over the past few months we'd get little updates about you from concerned people that thought we should know. Other than those updates, we forgot you even existed.

Last night I was made aware that you've been stalking my blog, and trash talking me, for the past six months, and now spreading rumors that I'm into Sol/Sin. I made two vague posts about it, the first ones I've made since this situation started six fucking months ago. I deleted them after being told they were making the situation worse, which they were. You've also been manipulating one of my friends and saying you would kill yourself if any more posts were made about you or this situation.

Then I got this ask.

Xavier: You're a lying, manipulative, piece of shit that needs to stay in his damn lane. I'm sorry for whatever situation led you to become this obsessive over not being able to edit a VIDEO GAME WIKI PAGE to say that the maybe-minor is legally fuckable, but it's not my problem. Guilty Gear and Bedman are clearly bad for your mental health if you're still this mad at ONE PERSON who HASN'T EVEN SPOKEN TO YOU for as long as half a year now. You've made me out to be a demon in your mind entirely based on vague interactions and reading too much into my Tumblr posts that were never about you.

Move the fuck on already. I have never spoken to you, I hardly know who you are, and yet you still hate me so much.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for venting?

Emojis, so I can find it later 💯⁉️💥 (unrelated, I just use them a lot)

So I(16) have been struggling with depression since I was, like, 10. It's been worse and better over the years, but something that really triggers it is extreme weather. Dunno why, but if its hot as fuck outside I *will* be considering suicide.

I regularly go to sleepaway camp every year. I usually do two weeks and usually go during the summer rainy season. Well, a year or two back (can't remember, got that depression and ADHD memory loss) I went later on in the summer than I usually do, and it was really fucking hot out. The whole time.

I could deal with it for a couple of days, especially because I was having a bit of romantic tension with J(16) (not real name, not even real initial). "I can survive any situation as long as I have a crush on someone there", or whatever that post said. He was really sweet and also suffered from depression. We talked about our struggles together, and he seemed to be responsive and chill about it. He did have trauma from his past with loved ones committing suicide, but he seemed to have worked through his grief and didn't have negative reactions when it was mentioned.

Here's where I might be the asshole. Eventually, the heat got to be too much for me, not to get too graphic but I was making plans, so I sent my parents a letter asking to pick me up. I waited a couple days for them to recieve it, and they did and called and said they would pick me up in the morning.

I delivered the news to everyone by being quite vague about what I had to go home for. When pressed, I said my parents didn't give any details and I was a little worried. That explained my acting weird away to everyone, but not J. He didn't believe me for one minute, and was determined to get to the bottom of it.

He took me outside, asked me what was wrong, and told me it was ok to tell him. It took a little convincing, but I eventually broke down and told him I was having suicidal ideation and that I needed to get the fuck out of dodge or I might do something drastic. I specified that I would be completely fine once I got out of the oppressive heat and humidity, just that I had to go home ASAP. I did ask him not to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry, which I realize now was unkind. I should have at least told a counselor so that he wasn't alone.

Anyway, he immediately started having full-fledged PTSD flashbacks. I couldn't tell at first, but then I realized what was going on and tried to comfort him. It didn't work. The counselor that came check on us just kicked me out. I went back inside feeling guilty, but I was hoping that I reassured him enough that he would be ok.

He acted normal for the rest of the time I was there (we even kissed! That was my first kiss) and made me promise to text him when I got home. Naturally, I did, reassuring him and telling him I was feeling infinitely better now that I had air conditioning and my phone. When he got home from camp a week later, he seemed a little freaked out but seemed to be mollified by my texts.

However, a couple days after that, he texted me out of nowhere, saying that I shouldn't have told him about what I was going home about because I gave him constant PTSD flashbacks for the rest of camp. He felt sick with worry the whole time. I felt like shit, obviously, so I responded with profuse apologies. He seemed to accept them but still feel a little resentful.

I still feel really fucking bad about it. I actually haven't told anyone I know IRL about. Well. Pretty much anything bothering me since. I know that's a bit of an overreaction, but I don't want to do that to anyone else.

So, am I the asshole?

(By the way, if you were there or know me, I would love it if you could just ignore this. Please and thank you. And also never make me know you read this cause that would be embarrassing as fuck lol)

[stesierra]

Writeblr ReIntro!

I'm posting a new intro because now that I've been on Writeblr a little while, I realize how much information I left out! Hi, I'm Stephanie, I live in the desert with my husband and baby and three cats, and I'm an ace, bipolar fantasy writer! When I was a kid, they said I had ADHD but then I got my Masters degree in biology, so they claim I can't have it. Online tests say I'm probably autistic.

I used to write sci fi twelve years ago but only low tech sci fi about weird aliens, which nobody likes. Now I write fantasy novels! Lots of fantasy novels! I am beginning to post them on my website so if you want to read them, please keep an eye on this post.

My books often but not always have some romance (either m/f or f/f because I prefer female protagonists.) Since I'm ace (and demiromantic), my interpretation of romance and attraction is not exactly what you'd expect from, say, a romance novel.

I am not going to tell you about all my books! I've written eighteen! Four of them are shelved forever! Here's some recent ones (written or revised since 2018) that I haven't given up on. Please ask me questions about them! I LOVE talking about my books! Also, if you want to be added to my taglist for writing samples let me know! Please also tell me if you're interested in alpha or beta reading and for which book! Mutuals only, please!

My books are beneath the cut! As I add WIP intros, I'll update this list with links.

Cast Out

YA fantasy! On her sixteenth birthday, Zisha is cast out of the Plenary Cities for the crime of being born deaf, like her grandmother before her. In the wastelands, she meets Thesil, a depressed and bitter young woman. Zisha wants nothing to do with her — until she sees Thesil's face in a vision. But before she can find out what the visions mean or reach her grandmother's holdings in the wastes, the plague returns to the Plenary Cities. If the disabled really caused the plague thirty years ago, and were cast out to stop the spread, how can it be back when all of them are outcast?

Status: Finished. Being serialized.

WIP intro here.

Now being serialized here. First five chapters up, one posted weekly.

The Bone Queen

This is my NA fantasy about the aftermath of freeing an undead queen and her skeleton army. They take over the kingdom, of course! The main character, Elise, is trapped in Bandrum palace by Aubrey, the ghost who tricked her into falling in love and freeing him (plus everyone else.) He's an animated skeleton now with plans to marry Elise and force her to carry his children. The bone queen has promised him she'll make it happen. Too bad no one cares what Elise wants. If only she had magic of her own...

Status: undergoing a rewrite after developmental edit. Was 109k before revisions. Not available for beta reading.

Draft number? Hahahaha. It has two complete sequels (The Spellbound King (106k) and The Matriarch's Daughter (96k)) I must also rewrite. This series is going to kill me but I love it. My mom, who loves everything I write, complained that it was weird. I'm very proud.

WIP intro here.

First chapter here.

School of Souls

This is my YA contemporary fantasy about a boarding school in the Bighorn Mountains! It's supposed to be a place parents can send "bad" teens to have their problems sorted out, but secretly the founder is using it to train the kids as sorcerers. Even more secretly, the school devours the souls of the students sent there, and the teenagers who graduate aren't the same as the ones who arrived... Warning: does include teenage addiction to sleeping pills and ghosts and and parental death. It's going to have sequels but I haven't written them yet.

Status: Complete first draft. 83k. Available for alpha reading.

WIP intro here.

First chapter here.

The Many-faced Princess

This is YA fantasy with a historical vibe but set in a made up world. Vaguely inspired by ancient Phoenicia. It's about Princess Ameryi, who was blessed by the genderless trickster god, Akihel, to be able to change her face. If her father the king ever found out, he'd have to execute her, of course. Akihel is just plain evil. All the other gods say so. A daughter who's their champion? Impossible. An abomination. So Ameryi will just have to make sure her father never finds out. That was easier to do before the Asirtinsa Empire threatened to invade and her father sent her to secure an alliance with a neighboring king. She's supposed to marry him. Not steal his face and frame him for murder. But sometimes plans just don't work out.

This book was supposed to be about two lesbian princesses who frame the king for murder so they can elope, but both princesses decided to be ace and there was nothing I could do.

Status: Complete first draft. 83k. It's going to have sequels but I haven't written them yet. Available for alpha reading.

First chapter here.

Map here.

Court Phoenix

This is my NA fantasy! Kerra is a blacksmith's apprentice. Not because she wants the job, but because her mother sold her future to him when she was still a toddler who crawled into live fires and giggled as the flames consumed her clothes. Now she's a woman, trapped by the expectations of her family and her village. Until one day, a phoenix crash-lands and dies in her arms. When it's reborn, it chooses Kerra as its keeper. Soon, her dreary future is swept away. A princess from Skyfire, the moving city, offers her a job in the royal court. How could Kerra refuse? Her family's claims that she'll die if she ever leaves the village are just manipulative lies. Aren't they?

Status: Complete third draft. 104k. Available for beta reading.

First chapter here.

The Revenant Trilogy

Adult fantasy. Solving a murder should bring good fortune, but all it brings Mindral Thideet is disaster. Her fame and peaceful life as head researcher at the city of knowledge end abruptly. In retaliation for her investigation into his crimes, Payar Cheref, the head of the powerful Cheref family, burns her beloved cousins alive and scars her face. The scar marks her as a revenant, a body possessed by a godkin, one of the gods' evil children. Her life as a researcher is over. All that's left is revenge.

No one believes her when she denies that godkins have any power over her. But godkins, real ones, are far closer than she realizes. Tearing down Payar Cheref could destroy Mindral, her family, and the nation itself.

-The Halfway Revenant (rewriting draft 4) 120k. Not available for beta reading.

-The Soul-Seer (draft 2) - 130k

-The Godkin's Gambit (draft 2) 121k

First chapter here.

As Immortality Fades

Adult fantasy. Five hundred years ago, one of the immortal and unpredictable Valteifur visited the kingdom of Kathild and granted the young queen Nelone immortality. But there was a catch. She'd live forever, youthful and strong, just so long as her subjects were happy. For centuries, she's met her part of the deal. But when the Valteifur returns to check on her progress, he grants her a new gift: the resurrection of every single person in Kathild who's died in the last two hundred years. Then he disappears.

There aren't enough houses for them all. There's not enough food. And winter is here.

Status: Complete first draft. 98k. Available for alpha reading.

Bi MC, enemies to lovers.

First chapter here.

Stitches and Memories

This one's adult fantasy. Antea's father ripped her mind apart, left her for dead, and vanished twelve years ago, and she's going to find out why. But when constables try to kill her and strange truth magic grows inside of her, hunting her father starts to look like suicide. Too bad going home isn't an option.

Status: I exchanged this with a critique partner and now it embarrasses me. Fourth draft. 122k. Available for beta reading.

Trigger warning: magic seizures

First chapter here.

WIP intro here.

Triangle Park

Contemporary Fantasy. I have no idea who it's for. An elf exiled to the middle of nowhere ends up stuck with an unexpected child. It's about reluctant parenting and protecting the needy. And elves and faeries slumming it in a mobile home.

Status: Complete first draft. 86k. Available for alpha reading.

First chapter here.

Mud-Child

Adult fantasy. Rebeka has always heard that a woman who goes through menopause loses her spark (the magic that lets her create children). If she's had children, it just makes the neighbors a little more fertile. But Rebeka never wanted a man, and she never wanted to raise a child. Not since her twin sister died and her beloved Suza left her for a man. The problem is, the spark leaves a childless woman differently, everyone says. A bitter hag? She'll curse her neighbors. A sweet dim biddie? She'll give her spark to inanimate objects and create a monster. Rebeka doesn't know which she is, but she believes it's a myth.

That was before the clay in her clay pit woke up and called her mother.

Status: Third draft. 109k. Needs a rewrite! Not available for beta reading.

First chapter here.

WIP intro here.

I GUESS I'M WRITING A NEW BOOK

The Giant's Gamble

First chapter here.

I started writing this on Friday the 13th, 2023. LET'S SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES TO WRITE WITH A BABY.

Short stories

The Unfamous Dead

VERY OLD CRAP

The Scribe and the Sphinx

Adult historical fantasy

Status: second draft. Shelved for good. 85k.

The Adrift series

The River's Drift. 100k.

The Waking Mountain. 106k.

Low-tech alien sci fi. Shelved for good.

My first book whose name I forget. About 50k. Exists only as a hard copy in my parents' house.

Taglist so far (tell me if you want to be added or removed)

Tag list for everything

@harleyacoincidence

@anonymousfoz

@moremysteriesthantragedies

@elizababie

@sm-writes-chaos

@bellascarousel

@the-dragon-chronicler

@teacupsandstarlight

@vorskra

@wrenofthewords

@amostdelectablescribbler

@mysticstarlightduck

@phantommill

@gracewritesbooks

@aziz-reads

@owlsandwich

@symbioticsimplicity

@squarebracket-trick

@koala2all

@rmgrey-author

@atomatowriter

@cheerfulmelancholies

@delusionisaplace

@janec23

@writing-is-a-martial-art

@authortango

Just chapters and snippets

@da-na-hae

For The Many-faced Princess

@deadlyessencewhispers

@serenanymph

The Halfway Revenant

@acertainmoshke

For Stitches and Memories

@space-writes

@acertainmoshke

The Bone Queen

@janec23

@holdmyteaplease

@digital-chance

@thecrookedwriterspath

@tea-and-mercury

@coven-archives

I love you all!

[fuckyeahdindjarin]

Behind the Seams: Part IV

{ Behind the Seams: Part III | Part III: Edgestitch | Series Masterlist }

Welcome to the second instalment of Behind the Seams! For those new to the series, this is a behind-the-scenes deep dive that I post in between chapters for those who are interested in taking a peek at my writing process (mainly because I update so slowly lol). There are spoilers for Edgestitch below the cut, so if you're not caught up, I suggest you come back when you are!

Current status: 3.6k unfinished rough draft

Initial thoughts: The last chapter laid down a few anchor points that I hope will carry the story forward for the next 2 to 3 parts. I still don't have an overarching plan for this series, and there is no 'plot' to speak of other than the unfolding of the relationship between Joel and Pin, and I'm good with that!

After the excitement of the last chapter, it took me a while to get back into the Seams mindset. While we resolved a tiny bit of the sexual tension last chapter, there is still a lot to unpack between these two. The camera is zooming in for this chapter, where we throw Joel and Pin together again, but in a less accident-prone manner as they take things into their own hands rather than leave it up to chance.

The challenge: One word - intimacy. On both their parts.

As Pin alluded to in the last chapter, it's been a long time anyone has even kissed her, let alone anything else. There will be some action in this chapter - I haven't decided to which degree yet - but I want to do it in a way that is sensitive to her history (even though I will leave it vague).

As for Joel, it's also one word - Tess. My Google doc right now cuts off at the beginning of the intimate scene, because I haven't figured out what he's thinking just yet in relation to her. As much as he's falling for Pin, I imagine he might be confused, guilty, probably in denial about his grief. I don't want Seams to get too heavy, and I might not be exploring these themes in Part IV just yet, but these are themes that I'm looking to explore in some way in the series.

Ellie: I was so bowled over by everyone's reaction to Ellie in the last chapter! That really gave me such a confidence boost, and I'm so happy to say that our favourite gremlin is making more of a cameo this chapter. She's great comedic relief while bringing out the dad side of Joel that I just love dipping into.

Joel: Many of you have brought up you're enjoying Joel's thoughts about Jackson and Sarah, and you don't understand how much it means to me. Getting into Joel's head has been one of my favourite things about this series, especially with him trying to figure out how to exist in this place after 20 years of just surviving. Ellie allowing himself to get back in touch with his dad side is another angle that I love delving into. The instincts have never left him, and I'm having so much fun bringing out that side of him.

Something fun: As I teased right here, the white undervest will make a return, and yes, Joel will be sweaty AF in it - I wonder why 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you for reading if you've made it this far! As with the last chapter, it helps so much putting my thought process into words, to make space in my head so that I can push forward with the writing. Thank you for indulging me, I hope you enjoyed this one ❤️ I'm always open to chatting, so don't be shy!

[bored-storyteller]

This is more than a year old, someone had asked me for the first meeting with Sally Face, I post it now but rest assured that I go ahead with the requests.

Sally face, Sal Fisher x reader

"Yellow as the sun"

"Argh!"

"Hey! Buddy, are you all right? "

"I can swear this bucket wasn't there before."

And Sal could really swear it. He could swear that bucket of water just came out of the ground under his feet to soak his pants on purpose. He would not be surprised, everything on this day seems to be rowing against him.

He had all started with his facial prosthesis, which in the night had acquired its own consciousness behind it and had managed to slip into the most unlikely corner of the room, the bedside table. Sal still hates a vague what Gizmo centers on, but for God's sake, that cat never lets you try, and so all the poor boy got was ten minutes late for his medical examination.

From there, things didn't go much better. They are not serious facts, but small inconveniences which, however, are capable of ruining the mood of the day; like the hair tie that suddenly disappears from his hands forcing him into a single ponytail - even though Larry says it fits -, his short stature not short enough to avoid that branch that must have grown overnight, the house keys that appear and disappear at will, here, small facts that however add the nervousness in the poor boy.

And so, to crown that series of unfortunate accidents, here is that bucket of water left in the middle of the road, which he has absolutely not seen.

“Damn…” he murmurs, examining the extent of the damage. Well, of course he has lived through worse in his life, but having the feeling of soaked cloth stuck to the skin is not the best.

"Well ... at least it's just water ..." Larry's mutter is subtle as he scratches the back of his head in perplexity. It's not that the two of them are the luckiest pairing of friends in this world.

"What was it supposed to be ...?" Sal asks terrified, while he looks at the empty bucket thrown on the ground that has finally stopped the distant din.

"Oh my God, just what we need!" A new voice is added to their "I'm so sorry-"

"I'd like to say that too ..." Sal's distracted moan overrides your apology as he strokes the wet fabric.

It's when he looks up and finally conceives of someone else's presence that he realizes he may have been misunderstood.

Your eyes look at him heartbroken, your body motionless, under accusation.

"I'm mortified ..." you murmur with too much anguish in your voice for the situation. Your tired eyes slide on his legs undecided on what to do, while you bend down to see what happened “I… I… oh my God, can I dry you somehow? Maybe there is something in the shop ... hell, it's my fault, I didn't remember leaving the bucket out here. "

You're certainly not in your best shape, Sal can easily tell from your dark circles and shaking shoulders as if the weight of the world lay upon you.

"Oh ... hey, don't worry, it's okay!" He is quick to reassure you even before he realizes what's going on.

Your eyes penetrate his - or his only present eye -, and for a moment you think you have never seen a kinder look than his, but you immediately go back to yet another disaster of your day.

“I… if you come to the shop I can…” Your hands slide over your green apron as if it could magically give you a solution.

"No ... no, that's okay, really." If previously Sal was focused on his bad day, now all he sees is your dejected face. You're so upset that you haven't even noticed his facial prosthesis, and the thought of helping to shrink you so hurts his heart. He looks like such a sweet and fragile person now.

Your eyes scan his, looking for any foothold that can reassure you that everything is really okay and he, for some damn reason, would do anything right now to see what your smile is like.

“Hey, my friend is certainly not afraid of these things! Take it easy!" Larry, who until then had been watching the scene without really understanding what the hell was going on, finally steps forward, wrapping one of his long arms around the blue-haired boy's shoulders.

Your pupils lift towards the speaker, and finally your lips curl in a slight smile of gratitude.

It's a nice smile, Sal thinks, it's a sweet smile. Well, he would have been happier if he could have made you smile.

But neither you nor the taller guy seem to intuit his thoughts: “Do you work at the flower shop? It's weird, I've never seen you… ”Larry asks continuing to smile at you friendly.

"Oh ... yes ... yes I work here at the store ... I just moved in, let's say ..." You smile again, but your eyebrows just squeeze as your interest turns to the ground "... this ... it was a work of luck."

You lean down and your fingers gently lift the bucket off the ground.

What did that bucket do to deserve so much sweetness from you? Sal doesn't think he can answer this, or why he asks if he does.

"Well ... it's ok ... I had to organize myself quickly ... let's put it this way."

Both Sal and Larry acknowledge an unconscious prayer to your words, but he is the second to speak first: “Ah, I felt like I never saw you! More or less, I always know who's around. " He shrugs his shoulders slightly. “Well, you're lucky you tripped us over that bucket! I'm Larry, and he's Sal. "

The younger boy would have really wanted to tell his friend that in reality the only one who tripped over the bucket was he, as if this gave him the right to introduce himself first to you, or at least give him the right to introduce himself alone. .

"Yes ... I'm Sal ... nice to meet you."

“Oh…” Your smile becomes more sincere when you say your name softly, while you absent-mindedly fix your unkempt hair “my pleasure. I'm sorry to present myself with this disastrous look. It seems that I slept under a bridge, right? "

"Well, as a wretched look I think I beat you." Sal's fingers lightly tap his facial prosthesis, to make it more noticeable than it already is. It's strange to him that no one commented on his mask on the first meeting, are you really so worried that you didn't notice?

Your lips part in a small whispered "o", but soon they bend again slightly upwards: "Well ... it's interesting, you know? It has a certain charm. "

Oh man. Did you feel his heart beating too hard in his chest?

“Are you sure everything is fine? Can I do something for you?" You still insist kindly.

"For real." Sal just chuckles "Nothing serious happened."

“Oh wait.” You quickly turn to the flower pots displayed outside the shop door. They are beautiful, colorful and fragrant.

You examine them for a while, before gently extracting a sunflower from the water pots. You observe it for a few seconds, before turning your eyes to Sal.

The radiant yellow of the sun under the blue of the sky.

"Here ... it's for you."

Sal finds himself confused by what he sees. For him? A flower for him?

His hand almost trembles as he strokes the stem, to welcome it.

"I ... for me ...?"

He doesn't know if you're laughing at him now or for something else, but he believes your laugh is pleasant.

"Take that as a sign of apology, okay?" You tell him, smiling kindly.

It seems that the weight on your shoulders has decreased a bit.

"Excuse me guys, I have to go back, but if you pass by here every now and then, well, I'd love to ..."

"Surely."

Sal's response makes Larry laugh: "Definitely." He confirms.

Sal watches you come back through the glass door unable to take his eyes away from you until you are out of his sight, and then all that exists for him is that big yellow flower in his hands.

Had anyone ever done such a tender gesture for him?

"You can give me flowers on my next birthday if you want, Sally Face."

Larry's piercing voice awakens him.

"But ... maybe instead it would be better to invite them for a drink, what do you think?" The big hand pats the shoulder of the shorter, accomplice.

Sal looks at him, and then giggles. He makes it easy, he always makes it too easy. But you gave him a flower while you smiled at him as if your day had improved.

Well, strangely, now Sal's has turned into a beautiful day too.

[chaithetics]

Porcelain and the Shark: Sweet Jonathan

Pairing: Stewy Hosseini x f (Roy) reader

(reader has anxiety, no use of y/n, physical descriptions or other names but does have the nickname Porcelain/Porce - due to family viewing her that way not because of complexion)

Word count: 4.6K

Prompts: "at the birth of jonathan, and even though she’s been doing therapy after she has him she really just breaks down crying because she loves him sooooo much, already and he’s only been alive for minutes. And it’s kind of her letting go of feeling like it was her fault Caroline didn’t love her. like rationally she knows she couldn’t have done anything wrong that quick but now she kinda understands something was broken in her mother to discard her so quickly. also realizes how Logan must have contributed to that bc Stewy's support was incredibly important to her labourand she knows how logan is. And she quietly loves Jonathan and has Stewy embrace her and thank her for making their family grow." + "If possible, I wanted to know a little more about when Jonathan was born, I imagine that the new parents were so in love with their baby , but how was the reaction of the rest of the family to the new and highly desired baby?"

Chapter/content warning: 18+ MINORS DNI, established relationship, anxious reader, pregnancy, scenes post-childbirth (labour/delivery is not depicted), the feels, canonical Roy chaos and pain (lmk if I've missed any!)

Authors note: Thank you so much to these 2 Nonnies for sending these prompts in! I really appreciate it and adore you both so much! They're both such great prompts, I hope you like this piece, please do let me know! Also, I haven't gone through childbirth or anything like that so I tried to keep everything pretty vague. This hasn't been proofread and post 2K I really started to dislike this and worry that it's not good 😭 Please let me know your thoughts, comments, reblogs and asks are appreciated! I love hearing from you all. Also can you tell I absolutely HATE naming things?!

****************

You were on the floor in the nursery that was almost completely ready, it was just waiting for the future Hosseini to arrive. There was a bookshelf in here that was really just for aesthetics at this stage, you knew it would be impractical because it wasn’t realistic that an infant would be doing a lot of reading, there was also the chance of this being a hazard for the bundle of joy that would soon be the centre of the household. The bookshelf had been bolted into the wall though and the home itself had been ‘baby-proofed’ already. 

But it was still nice you thought to have a bookshelf with all of the adorable children’s books you’d spent hours finding, reading about and then also rambling to Stewy about. You were now looking over the books again, organising them in the important system (one which you would never use for work) but what would be the highest priority to read and your favourites. 

Stewy came into the nursery. He looked around the nursery again for a second, he did it each time he came in. Genuinely amazed at what his life had become over the last few years. You heard his footsteps, you pause mid-book organising to look up at him as he walks over and leans against the changing table, watching you turn your attention back to the shelf, he thinks about it and enjoys that there are great conversations and banter but also places for comfortable silence in your relationship. Something you do as well. He revels in that for a moment before asking. “Do you need a hand?” 

“No, thank you.” Your response is quick, amusingly too quick to him. 

“Are you sure baby?” He drags the syllables out as he smiles at you, finding the quickness of your response equally amusing and intriguing. 

“Yes, honey. I have a system.” You respond and then you turn around and smirk at him seeing his grin widen more. “One that I can’t teach.” 

“Oh?” He questions somewhat teasingly but still intrigued as he raises his eyebrows at you. You hum in response. “What? Dewey? Library of Congress?” Stewy asks with a teasing smile. 

“No. But if I tell you it can’t get out.” You hum and his smile widens as he raises his eyebrows at you, waiting for you to continue. “”hat will be my favourites to read to them.” You confidently answer with your own growing smile. 

“What a scandalous system.” Stewy laughs and nods, not too surprised at the revelation. His eyes scan around and he looks at the changing table and then finds a tub of something there piquing his interest. 

“What’s this again?” He asks holding it out for you as you turn around to look at it. 

“Diaper change cream.” You quickly answer smiling at your husband. “Think baby powder alternative for that area.” 

“Right… And remind me again why we need an alternative to baby powder?” He questions as he studies it. 

“Babies shouldn’t breathe in the powder particles and there are medical concerns and debate over talc.” You and Stewy had both done a lot of research and prep for this but it was stuff like this that you had read more on than him. 

“Talc?” Stewy raises an eyebrow as he looks at the bottle of cream. 

“Some research says it's carcinogenic. Talc’s the big player in baby powder ingredients, the culprit ingredient in those Johnson and Johnson lawsuits.” You finish off, knowing that that will ring a bell for him and it does as he quickly nods. 

“It’s kind of sickening how good I’ll be at diaper changes.” He says in a deadly serious tone, you look over at him and can’t help but laugh. You’re in awe and humoured by the confidence of the handsome, cocky dork you married. 

“Well with that confidence, I’m happy to leave that to you at 3 AM.” You quip back with a smirk, completely abandoning the books as you look at him. 

“Shit at that time of morning, just a Saturday morning before my reformed domesticated ways.” He smirks at you and winks. 

“Sure Stewy, sure. What was it that Roman said about your lifestyle…?” His eyebrows raise as he exhales, shaking his head but your grin just grows.  

“Roman misquoted me-” 

“Uh-huh. Of course, he did, you certainly didn’t happen to make the mistake of not just talking about but talking to my siblings about the-.” You smugly say before he cuts you off. 

“Well even though he’s a loose cannon, you know it means you don’t ever need to worry about Roman’s career prospects. The narc will always have the pathway option of a police informant.” Stewy retorts, somewhat proud of himself for thinking of that on the spot despite the fact he’d thought it about a dozen times since that conversation with Roman and Kendall had gotten back to you. 

“You were down bad, years before becoming a reformed married, soon-to-be family man.” You quickly respond. 

It’s true and you both know it. He was bad for it and you imagine if things hadn’t been so complicated with your family you’d have been married a lot earlier than what had happened in this universe. You wondered what that would’ve been like. 

“What is baby powder meant to do anyways? Is it like powdered baby cologne?” He quickly questions. It might sound like an intentional conversation change to the ears of others but his short attention span prompts it and you know that. 

The question’s been triggered by his attention going back to the cream in his hands, you watch his eyes scan over the label curiously for any and all information. He then looks up from the product and his doe eyes that you’re in love with bore into yours. He looks so handsome like this, the softer night lighting just illuminates it. You’re so in love with him. You smirk to yourself briefly before responding as his smile grows. 

“It’s meant to scare away the boogeyman.” You reply nonchalantly. 

“Babe, your dad doesn’t live here. I think we’re good.” He says it with his eyebrows raised and a signature Stewy Hosseini teasing smile on his face. 

You chuckle at that and roll your eyes as he places the cream down and walks over to kiss you as you then feel a small popping sensation. 

********************

You felt warm, covered in sweat which plastered your hair to your face and neck. You’d had a firm grip on Stewy’s hand for hours now. Stewy was stroking your arm softly with his free hand as he pressed a delicate kiss to the top of your head as you both watched the nurse bring Jonathan over. 

He’d fortunately been declared a healthy baby boy by the doctor and you smiled at that, your hand was still in Stewy’s but your grip relaxed a little as the worry in your body left at that, you’d been somewhat anxious as Jonathan was 2 weeks early but the doctors and nurses had assured you that was normal, you knew it was right but even with therapy, an anxious brain still doesn’t always accept logic. 

“What a good set of lungs he has.” The nurse says with a smile as she places the still crying infant into your slightly shaky arms. 

Your body shakes a little for a couple more seconds, you suppose that it’s a combination of the exhaustion from labour and the nerves of that whole process and now meeting your sweet boy. You feel your nerves stabilise after a few seconds, as you watch him, it must be part of that maternal instinct. He’s pressed into you and he’s so small and delicate in your arms, you can’t help but smile largely as you watch him. 

“Hey, hey, hello sweetie, you’re so perfect.” You coo at him as you smile widely, he then finishes crying and you giggle a little at that. 

“He really is.” Stewy says with a small chuckle as he looks down at the sweet little baby you created together and he then presses a gentle kiss to the top of your forehead. 

Jonathan’s eyes open at the sound of his parents voices above him and he looks up at you. You can’t help but feel stunned and in awe of how your sweet little boy is looking at you with the same big brown eyes as Stewy and he appears to have the same dark locks as his father as well. He looks at you and returns the smile you’re directing at him which makes both yours and Stewy’s hearts explode. The love and awe you’re in over Jonathan is so encompassing, that nothing else matters and nothing could take away or ruin the joy of Jonathan’s existence. 

Jonathan’s large, curious brown eyes flicker around the surroundings and its clear that his gaze is happier when it focuses on you and Stewy, especially when hearing your voices as you gently coo at him. It’s only a couple of minutes of the three of you being in this bubble, pretty oblivious to everything going on outside until Jonathan’s fallen into a peaceful slumber. 

You bring him up slightly to kiss his head softly and quietly chuckle at how peaceful he looks. You’re amazed at him. Stewy wipes his eyes, being equally filled with adoration as he moves his hand from your arm for a moment to perch himself on the side of the bed next to you and press another kiss to your forehead as he stroke’s Jonathan’s little cheek. 

In Jonathan’s slumber his hand raises a little and Stewy moves his hand towards it and Jonathan’s small fingers instinctively wrap around one of Stewy’s fingers. It’s such a beautiful sight and it’s amazing how small Jonathan is and how his hand doesn’t even cover all of just one of Stewy’s fingers. 

It’s a pure domestic sight. 

Love is coursing through each fibre of your being for your husband next to you and your newborn son in your arms. It’s such a sweet moment, the whole experience had been honestly. You tilt your head to look at Stewy for a moment, one hand of his gently placed on your arm and the other still there and while Jonathan has his fingers wrapped around Stewy you know that Stewy’s the one wrapped around his finger already. 

Nobody could understand your parents. You never understood your parents. A confusing phenomenon as you’d gotten older but you really don’t get them right now, in this moment. Jonathan’s only minutes old and you’re so in love, he’s perfect, he’s done nothing wrong and even if he had done something wrong- he’s just a child, deserving of love. 

You and your siblings had always been made to believe that there was something wrong with you, raised to be poisoned instead of loved so that as adults you’d believe dysfunction was where you thrived. Caroline and Logan had set you all up to fail from the start. You’d always felt like that it was your fault that Caroline had never loved you, maybe she did in a twisted, absent way you supposed but she’d never loved you how a mother was supposed to love and protect their child. You wondered how she could feel that way about you and your siblings when you felt nothing but love for your child. How she felt was on her, it had nothing to do with you. You were a child and a child that deserved better. 

Tears start to burn your eyes and you try to blink them away quickly, willing yourself not to cry. This realisation and the tenderness and love that Stewy already had and had no problem showing for the baby you shared was starting to hit pretty hard. You knew he was a better man than your father, you’d promised yourself you would never marry anyone who reminded you of Logan Roy, let alone continue that cycle. But it was such a stark contrast seeing Stewy this way, so in love with Jonathan and so supportive to you compared to how your father had been with you or any of your siblings and the relationship he had with Caroline. 

The tears stream down your cheeks and you begin to cry, it’s all a lot to process and you know the environment, medications and hormones are probably heightening everything. You try to hold back on it but you end up choking on your sobs until it all comes out. You’re still securely holding onto Jonathan as your body shakes with your crying, you can feel the warm tears plastering themselves onto your cheeks like cement. 

“Hey, hey baby. What’s wrong?” Stewy asks as he wraps his arms around you, pressing you against him while making sure you and Jonathan are both secure and physically comfortable. His voice is gentle but laced with concern and you can feel that in his comforting body.

“He’s just so perfect-” You say in between sobs, trying to regulate your breathing but it’s not doing much. “I just love him so much already and- and well, I just don’t get it. How a mother couldn’t…” You say as you continue to cry. 

Stewy knows exactly what you mean, ever since he first befriended Kendall Roy he’s known that there was something extremely wrong with Logan Roy and Caroline Collingwood. He knew you weren’t like them and he was glad that you were able to accept that your childhood and those relationships weren’t your fault. For your love of your son to prove that. 

He continued to hold you while you cried, placing gentle kisses all over your head and whispering to you. “I love you so much, you’re already an incredible mom. You are good. You didn’t deserve any of that. Him and I both love you so much already.” He lifts one hand up to stroke your cheek as he looks down at Jonathan who is still sleeping then looks back into your eyes. “He was so happy when he saw your face and heard your voice.” He laughs a little at that with a sweet, soft expression on his face. You nod a little, biting your lip as a small laugh comes out as your tears slow down. 

“I love you.” You say to Stewy softly as your breathing evens out a bit more now. 

“I love you more.” Stewy says softly, he presses a gentle kiss to your lips. “Thank you. You’ve made our family grow, literally. You’re perfect, and he’s perfect just like you.” Stewy says pressing a kiss to your forehead. You’ve stopped crying now and you lean a little more into Stewy as you both watch Jonathan sleep until a nurse eventually puts him into the nearby cot, insisting that you and Stewy both need your sleep. 

***************************

“Hey, hey baby…” Connor says softly as he walks in to your room with a gentle smile. He has a small gift bag of something in one of his hands and a large bouquet of flowers in the other. 

“Con?” 

“Hey. I hope it’s not too early, I just needed to see how you were ASAP.” He says and chuckles anxiously a little. You can’t help but smile in return at him, it was early but you couldn’t be upset about it Connor was easy to be around and a gift of a sibling. But you knew that if it was a regular hospital he would’ve been escorted away for it not being visiting hours yet. 

“It’s fine… I’m glad you’re here Con.” You say tiredly, his smile grows a little at that and his shoulders relax. You’d never been to him but he had been worried about intruding, he’d spent his whole life feeling like an intrusion to a private conversation at a party that he wasn’t invited to but everybody else was. 

“How are you doing?” He asks. 

“I’m okay… tired.” You respond with a smile and a small tired laugh looking over briefly at your husband who is still somewhat peacefully sleeping. As peacefully as you can in a hospital with a literal newborn. 

“Yeah, I can only imagine…” Connor says as he comes over. “Wow, so that’s the little fella?” 

You nod with a large smile as you look over at Jonathan sleeping. Connor’s face lightens up even more as he looks at Jonathan. He quietly coos at the little boy and that melts your heart a bit more. Connor had always been more of a father to you than Logan had ever been. It made sense that he’d be the first of your family to visit, unsurprisingly but unknown to you Connor had essentially been camping out to visit as soon as Stewy had texted him that your water had broken. 

“Do you want to hold him?” You asked. Connor looked over at you somewhat surprised. 

“Are you sure?” You chuckled a little at that. 

“Of course. You had plenty of experience with all of us. An experienced natural.” He smiled at that and carefully lifted Jonathan up into his arms, supporting his small body as he swayed a little with him. 

“He’s adorable.” Connor said softly, he was speaking to you but his gaze was focused on Jonathan. He was absolutely smitten by his nephew and he knew he’d spend the rest of his life doting on the little boy. “Still Jonathan?” He asked. 

“Yeah, we decided to stick with it. He’s barely a day old but I think it suits.” You answer with a content hum. Connor nods at that smiling widely. 

It’s not long after that that another visitor waltzs in, lacking any sense of noise control and quickly waking up Stewy from his slumber next to you. 

“What up motherfuckers! I hear the newest edition has arrived?” Roman says with a smirk as he comes into the room. Connor shushes him, and Stewy’s eyes open and he shoots Roman a glare. 

“Roman!” You say quietly but pointedly, as Jonathan stirs in Connor’s arms. Connor starts to sway again and coo at Jonathan but Stewy quickly puts his arms out to hold his son. Connor gently places Jonathan in Stewy’s arms and that settles him a little bit.

Roman’s eyes have widened at the scene of seeing his nephew. He quickly walks over closer to the bed to look down at Jonathan as Connor takes a seat. Roman’s expression screws up for a moment and you look up at him confused. 

“Oh shit Porce…” Roman says and your head instantly snaps to look at Jonathan, his colour hasn’t changed, he doesn’t look like he’s in discomfort or anything but Roman’s ominous statement has unnerved you. 

“What is it Rome…?” You ask desperately. 

“When the fuck did you have the affair?” Roman boldly questions. 

“What?!” You question in shock as Stewy tiredly rolls his eyes at Roman’s dramatics. 

“I thought- I thought he was mine?! He looks NOTHING like me! He looks like him!” Roman says as he points at Stewy.

“Oh my God, Rome. Stop!” You say with a sigh not being in the mood for this. 

 “Jesus Christ, yeah, I know of people in the Bible too! But well, I think after a few years I might be able to love him like he’s my own anyway.” Roman says. Stewy’s gaze lands on Roman and Roman giggles a little as Stewy is visibly unimpressed. 

“Didn’t we have the conversation about how problematic and inappropriate that is a multitude of times during the pregnancy Rome?” Stewy asks. 

“Yeah but that was the pregnancy. Porce isn’t pregnant currently.” Roman retorts and you scoff at that. He comes over to give you a somewhat awkward side hug, he treats you like you’re a human made of the porcelain of your infamous moniker as he’s weary of the pain and state your body would be in after labour. He gives your cheek a quick kiss and you squeeze his hand as he steps back.

 Roman’s face softens a little as he looks at Jonathan, he’ll admit that the baby is cutte. He kind of wants to hold him but he’s a bit scared to do that right now with how tiny he looks. Currently Jonathan looks more fragile to him than what you do. 

***************************************

Roman hadn’t stayed for much longer, hospitals unnerved him a little and that room had quickly felt a bit too claustrophobic for him with the lack of dysfunction. Connor stayed for a while but to give you all a nap and another try at feeding. He promised to stop by again and constantly reiterated that he was just a phone call or text away. 

You were so in love with and in absolute awe of your little boy. It was so encompassing. You were’t even anxious about your father visiting. You hadn’t thought of your father yet but there was nothing that Logan could say or do that would take away or ruin the joy of the existence of Jonathan. 

Kendall had sent a congratulatory text to Stewy, along with that Rava, Sophie and Iverson were looking forward to meeting him and that Rava had already organised flowers and a gift basket which had arrived not much longer after the text had been sent. Kendall hadn’t wanted to bombard you, which was something that Rava had highlighted, you and Stewy both knew that was a sentiment that came more from Rava and the truth was that Kendall rarely made the time of day for his own children, so he wouldn’t do that for your own child. 

You weren’t too bothered by that, you didn’t imagine much could bother you when there was so much joy because of your little family. It was thoughtful of Rava and at least thoughtful in words from Kendall, you knew that Kendall loved you in his own unique way. He just had difficulty functioning outside of being the perfect cog in his father’s machine. 

You were yet to hear anything from Shiv yet, but again, that didn’t completely surprise you. 

“Hey honey, Marcia just texted that they’re coming.” Stewy says breaking you out of your thoughts. You nod and place a kiss to his temple and he yawns as he sits back up, placing his phone back into his pocket as he rubs his face tiredly. You snuggle up into his side, trying to get comfortable as you watch Jonathan sleep in the hospital cot. You still feel tired even after your nap but you can’t help but smile when looking at that small human. 

Stewy kisses the top of your head and then gets up to gently pick Jonathan up from the cot. Stewy’s often gentle with you but it’s so different seeing him that way with a tiny human, the tiny human that’s yours and his. Stewy supports his small body and smiles while looking down at Jonathan, his smile grows as Jonathan still seems at peace while in his father’s literal supportive arms. 

You smile warmly at the sight, feeling warm and cosy inside. You’re in such awe with Jonathan that you don’t even feel anxious about your father coming because frankly there isn’t anything he could say or do to take away from the perfect bundle of joy snuggled into your husbands arms. 

After about half an hour your father walks in with Marcia by his side as usual, you give them both a small smile as your gaze briefly flickers away from Jonathan in Stewy’s arms. Marcia comes over and quickly asks how you are, giving you a kiss on the cheek and warmly squeezing your hand. 

“So?” Your father quickly asks looking at the infant and Marcia gives him a pointed look. 

“This is Jonathan Hosseini.” Stewy says softly, as he rocks Jonathan gently not looking at either Marcia or Logan. Marcia smiles at that slightly. 

“Can I hold him?” Logan asks quickly. You feel Stewy tense a little at that, such a contrast to the ridiculously relaxed in stressful situations type of person that Stewy normally is. You look up at your father, his expression appears genuine but it takes you aback. You didn’t recall your father actually making an appearance like this to the hospital at Iverson’s birth let alone having an interest in either of his grandchildren from Kendall. 

“Do you want to sit down to do that? You can better support him that way.” You say rather meekly, he rolls his eyes a little at that but complies. Sitting down and Stewy carefully places Jonathan in his arms, staying nearby and Marcia smiles at the scene. 

“He looks a lot like like Stewy.” Logan says while holding the small boy. 

He had his father’s eyes, hair, face shape and nose. The shape of his mouth was the same as yours though, something Stewy had immediately pointed out not long into Jonathan’s existence. It was really the only physical feature of yours that you could see in your son, it genuinely amazed you how Jonathan was barely out of the womb but was already a spitting image of his father. 

“Yeah, we were kind of hoping for that.” You say quietly while looking at your precious bundle of joy. Your father looks up at you with confusion etched onto his face as he looks at you waiting for clarification on why you’d want something he finds to be so dreadful. You clear your throat and continue, trying to suppress a small laugh at the mild disgust on his face.“Roman had been telling people it was his.” 

Your father sighs at that, visibly unimpressed and the mild disgust turns to a glimpse of disappointed horror. It almost hurts to see him looking like that while holding your newborn son but you know that it’s aimed at your non-present brother and not at you. 

“He needs help…” Logan says as he looks down at Jonatah. “Jonathan has your mouth though Porce.” He says and that seems to bring a small smile to his face. “Well he’s blood so that’s good.” You don’t say anything to that, you’re not sure how to respond but it certainly throws you off and Stewy senses that. 

It’s not long before Marcia has a turn holding Jonathan, you feel more comfortable with him in her arms than your fathers. But your father has his gaze locked on Jonathan the whole time and an interest in him that he never seemed to have in you or your siblings which surprises and unnerves you a little. 

You’re not sure how long as time moves so bizarrely in hospital but after at least a few more minutes of this, Marcia places Jonathan into your arms, they decide it’s now best to leave as Jonathan is in need of a feeding. 

“You did good, Porce.” Your father says somewhat softly, maybe the softest you’ve ever heard him speak as he comes over to press a kiss to the top of your head. 

“Thanks dad.” You speak the words hesitantly, unsure of the hidden meaning behind the odd praise from your father. 

“Thank you Porce.” He says and again, the not so hidden meaning in those words unnerves you a bit. 

You watch him as him and Marcia leave. Then your attention swiftly turns back to your sweet little boy. 

“He’s so precious.” You say to Stewy as you hold him. Stewy laughs a little and nods, giving you a sweet kiss on the lips.

[purpleheartskies]

In a recent post, I shared some thoughts I have for s6. I have some more thoughts to add. Possible s6 spoilers!

In that post, someone made a good comment that the writers may want to keep Robby with Johnny so that they have more interactions, and so it's likely that Robby won't be back living with Shannon when s6 picks up after summer has ended. This got me thinking about my other ideas for s6. (I have many ideas lol.)

One of my ideas about Shannon is that, while on her trip, she decided to move to Bainbridge Island permanently and didn't want Robby to move with her. She came back, they packed up all their things from their apartment, and she moved away while Robby moved in with Johnny. Like she had just left Robby with Johnny over the summer without discussing it with Robby first, she told Robby that she's moving away permanently and that he can continue to live with Johnny. In s1, Shannon said that he'll leave her when he turns 18 so she has to find a man before then. But, she was always the one doing the leaving those days. So, it's possible that she's finally decided to move on with her life and leave Robby behind, like she seemed to hint at with her comment. She's cleaned herself up, Johnny claims he's ready to be a dad to Robby (which Johnny really isn't), and she can make a life for herself elsewhere.

Also, in s5, Shannon's comment about her parents' place was vague enough that there was debate amongst the fandom about if her parents are still alive, and if so, why haven't they ever done more for Robby especially given Shannon's lifestyle before rehab. If her parents are alive, there's some speculation that they're rich. Another idea I have for Shannon is that her parents have always lived in Bainbridge Island and she moved to LA when she turned 18 (which is something she projects onto Robby when she says that he'll leave when he turns 18). Her parents didn't approve of her choices and didn't approve when she had Robby, and they cut her off years ago. But now that she'd cleaned herself up, she had gotten back in touch with them and they were open to her visiting them over the summer. She'd also convinced them that she'd bring Robby with her, but after Johnny suggested Robby stay with him for the summer, she just left Robby with Johnny because it was easier for her. Either way, the idea is that Robby is now stuck living with Johnny because Shannon decided to move away permanently and leave Robby behind.

Based on the group bts pic at Miyagi-Do, Robby is still in the dojo when the season starts so one of my ideas in the previous post doesn't fit. Here's another idea for how the votes go for the girls leader and boys leader.

Maybe the girls don't take a vote. With everything that has happened in the dojo war, the girls from Cobra Kai being new to Miyagi Fang, and Sam technically winning the avt, the girls in the dojo come to the conclusion that Sam is the obvious choice. She's also been the leader of Miyagi-Do for a while, and she's the one who the senseis will support the most anyway because she's Daniel's daughter.

For the boys leader, at first, they plan on taking a vote. It's going to be Miguel vs Robby, but Johnny and Daniel pull Robby aside before the vote. They start by telling Robby that they all want to make the best decisions for the dojo, and ask him that that's what he wants too. He nods yes, but he's watching them carefully. They then say that Miguel as the boys leader would be a better for the dojo. Miguel is an avt champion, is going to school, has great grades, has no record, and is going to go to college, maybe even to a university like Stanford. Meanwhile, Robby has lost two avt championships, was expelled from school, has a criminal record and has gone to juvie, and may get his GED but may not even go to college. On paper, Miguel's the better choice for leader. It would be better for PR and for gaining sponsorships for the dojo for the tournament. Robby quietly agrees.

Johnny and Daniel then announce to the kids that Robby has decided not to run and, because Sam is uncontested as well, Miguel and Sam will be the respective leaders for the boys and the girls.

The third thing in that other post was about Robby's support system. In addition to seeing Bobby take on a primary role in Robby's support system, I'd like to see Chozen and Kumiko play some roles too. Chozen is still around, helping them train for the tournament, so it's possible he can help Robby. I assume right now he's not privy to how Johnny has treated Robby his whole life. For Kumiko, well, maybe they'll go to Okinawa for a visit or she can come for a visit. It depends on the situation (which I also have different ideas for). Either way, she can keep in touch with Robby online. So, Bobby, Chozen, and Kumiko are my hopes for Robby's support system. Johnny isn't capable, and may never be. Daniel and Amanda are iffy, but they can grow if they're open to recognizing their faults. Daniel sticks to "no bad teacher, only bad student" when it comes to Robby because "maybe he has too much of [Johnny] in him", while Amanda dismisses Robby as a teenager and thinks of teens with anger problems as lost causes who need wake-up calls. Robby needs compassionate and understanding adults in his support system, which Bobby, Chozen, and Kumiko seem to be.

[valyrfia]

i'm so compelled by your steve and tony thesis on the tags under this post https://www.tumblr.com/valyrfia/761331351932829696/exactly-if-i-wanted-best-friends-i-would-be-into?source=share that i (after having spent my teenage years reading stucky) want to try it out. do you have any fic recs to get me started?

Oh boy anon I haven't read stevetony since 2020, but it's such a formative ship to me that a few fics still stand out in my mind. If you're interested I'll leave them and comments on the impressions they left on me below the cut.

Quick disclaimer that Marvel is often treated as a multiverse to differentiate between comics and movie canon. The main comics canon is 616, and the movies are just the MCU. There are other comics canons and multiverses, but 616 is the main one you need to get your head around for a lot of these comics-related fics. The MCU is vaguely based off of 616, but the most important aspect to wrap your head around if you want to delve into fic and don't want to read the comics is that Civil War in 616 ended with Steve almost killing Tony, not able to bring himself to do it and surrendering, Steve getting shot on the way to his trial and dying, Tony becoming director of SHIELD and becoming severely depressed over Steve's death, and then via other plot happenings having to delete his memory INCLUDING the fact that Steve died, and Steve resurrecting via sci-fi shenanigans. This arc along with The Confession and The Oath are what mainly fuel stevetony.

Okay, now that the primer is out of the way without further ado here are some fics I read in my teenage years that irrevocably changed my brain chemistry with regard to how I choose to ship anything ever.

When I Think (Oh It Terrifies Me) by celli - 8k, E

Look, some mornings you wake up and little green men are invading New York City; some mornings you wake up and you can hear Captain America's voice in your head. Tony has been an Avenger long enough that he saves his freakout for important things.

This is the first fic I ever bookmarked on ao3. It's short and snappy and fun and serves as a great little primer, especially since it's MCU!

almeno tu nell'universo by silkspectred - 114k, E

Tony drives off. Well, he wants to. But he can’t. Because. Steve Rogers is in front of his car. Steve fucking Rogers. Is in front of Tony’s fucking car.

Complete change of pace from the one above, but still MCU–this is Steve and Tony locked up together in the Italian countryside after the events of Civil War where Italy herself is as much a character as anything. I had the absolute privilege of reading this as it was released chapter by chapter and just remember it being breathtaking.

The Last Love Song of Anthony E. Stark by jibrailis - 42k, M

After contracting an Asgardian virus, Tony starts forgetting things. And people. And Steve.

All I remember of this is that it was the first fic I ever properly sobbed my little heart out to. I would recommend a thousand times over, I remember the settings and character work especially being really well done. It's also MCU!

wear it like a message by starvels (dinosaur) - 10k, E

Steve and Tony have some negotiations about how to wear rings and dog tags on your person when you’re a superhero badass wearing skin tight body armor. Also, they kiss a lot.

There's a common trope in stevetony that is vaguely described by 'peak battle couple', and I think that's definitely one that you would enjoy especially if you come from a Lestappen background. It's 616, but I seem to remember there's not a lot of actual plot knowledge required.

America Isn't Chicken by Dr_Amuly - 130k, E

After a Civil War, death, rebirth, a takeover by Osborn, brain deletion, and the fall of Asgard, Steve and Tony might just be starting to get back on solid ground with one another. Things aren't perfect, not yet, but they can be in the same room as each other without resorting to violence, and they've even managed to share a smile or two. Seems like the perfect time, then, for Tony to try and fuck it all up with a stupid game of gay chicken. Meanwhile, as if he didn't have enough to worry about, Tony realizes some kind of supervillainous trouble is brewing when increasingly advanced armors start popping up all over Manhattan, looking strangely reminiscent of his tech. On the other side of the world, Steve gets news that Zola is on the move in Russia, with some sort of nefarious plan at work. Which will ruin them first? Will it be this unknown armored villain who is after Tony's tech? Or will it be Zola unleashing his mysterious plan on the world? Or will Steve and Tony prove to be their own worst enemies, destroying the tentative truce they managed to forge with their own stubbornness?

Don't be intimidated by the length of this, or by the fact that it's 616. Amuly was long a famous author of the fandom because they have a real gift for crafting excellent, engaging, and accessible novel-length fics. I would actually say this is the perfect primer for getting to grips with the world and universe of 616 while also being a hot and hilarious fic.

Belief Space by magicasen - 59k, M

The Time Gem appears not when it is wanted, but when it is needed. Steve learns this the hard way. (Or: an Infinity #6 AU where Thane refuses his birthright and the Avengers are doomed - until the Time Gem shows up within Captain America's grasp.)

I would definitely caution that you need to be pretty familiar with 616 canon to enjoy this one, but I gained all my knowledge through fics and context clues so once you've established that return here. THIS is my favourite fic of all time. I can't NOT recommend it. That is all.

[meerawrites]

why do you like the vampire chronicles?

- a fellow fan

Ooh boy, this will probably be an essay blog post at some point, but, I shall endeavour to give the TLDR version to the best of my present ability. None of us really changes over time. We only become more fully what we are and memory is a monster.

Do not ask me to recall my age, I am 20 now, though I often feel like Louis and Lestat, inhuman and haven't been human for 200 years. Plus the pandemic destroyed my sense of time.

Before the pandemic, a dear friend of mine introduced me to gothic literary vampires, I had just read Shelley's Frankenstein and The Picture of Dorian Gray of my own accord, and he cast me as Mina Murray-Harker in his production of Dracula (1897) opposite one of my best friends as Lucy Westenra himself as Jonathan and one of our aspiring villain actors as Count Dracula himself. I then got hooked on Dracula (the 1897 novel) and following that I wanted more vampires. We watched the 1994 IWTV Neil Jordan film together and I immediately took Lestat as my pathetic bi meow meow. I read the 1976 novel not that far after and started role-playing and cosplaying Lestat as soon as I understood him enough to make him my bi pathetic meow meow. I wouldn't pick up the chronicles again until catholic school and the move to Canada.

When I was in middle school I was a constant victim of bullying, mostly by the white rich kids for being brown, and vaguely gothic in inclinations and "witchy" and "other." My dad was also emotionally overbearing and expected a lot at an early age from me. He has since gotten better and I'm no longer anyone's victim, but, it's worthwhile to note I was victimized (past tense) for a long time. I've also had my fair share of misogyny + anti brown racism flung at me, and I am bi and genderqueer. For the record I forgive my middle school bullies, we were simply kids who didn't know better. Now, do better. I've also been the victim of emotional abuse and gaslighting, while it never escalated to physical that sort of violence even if emotional violence sticks with you. But as mentioned, victimized, in past tense.

I moved to Canada and suffered the indignity of the Catholic school system. I quit after a year and after their queerphobia made international news. But not before a brief run as a spiteful bi as fuck atheist and picking up The Vampire Lestat, finally.

Before the pandemic, I felt like Louis de Pointe du Lac and Mona Mayfair, during the pandemic and in catholic school I felt like Nicolas de Lenfent, following the pandemic and up til the present I aspire to be something of a Lestat de Lioncourt and Rowan Mayfair meaning less cynical, unlearning my shame, confident, clever at least intellectually but foolishly in love with the beauty of humanity. Now, we're here.

IWTV 1994 lost in adaptation

Vampire Reviews: IWTV 1994 ft @elisaintime

What Constitutes Evil?

Vampire Reviews: The Vampire Chronicles ft @elisaintime

Vampire Reviews: The Vampire Lestat ft @elisaintime

Late Interview with the Vampire author Anne Rice remembered by trans woman she helped come out.

Tagging: @covenofthearticulate, @monstersinthecosmos, @elisaintime & @the-brat-prince-1760, @dontbesylly & @i-want-my-iwtv (no pressure to reply, I just thought y'all would appreciate this story).

[pluckyredhead]

Shipping ask: Tim/Bernard?

Hoo boy. Don't ship it, alas.

Why don't you ship it?

Listen. I WOULD LOVE TO. I am thrilled that Tim has finally been allowed to come out after being really really queer for...oh, 33 years? But DC has just completely dropped the ball. @irolltwenties said a lot of what I'm feeling here, but I'm opinionated so I'm gonna say it myself, too.

The short version: DC refuses to let Bernard have a personality or let Tim have any relationship with him beyond the most superficial, empty window dressing possible.

The long version: I remember Bernard, y'all. I'm an old lady who was actually reading his original appearances when they came out! He was a weird, annoying kid who thought that being aggressively "quirky" made him cool when it actually just made him obnoxious...which allowed him to circle back around to being endearing. He liked to hear himself talk. He enjoyed being a tour guide, gossiping, and conspiracy theories - he's the guy who likes to know things, or at least seem like he does. Whether you liked him or not (I liked him), he was specific.

Now? The only thing recent comics will tell you about Bernard is that he's blond. Tim might as well be dating a cardboard cutout, or a post-it that says "Boyfriend" on it. Is he gay or bi, or does he prefer a different label, or none at all? Did he always have a crush on Tim, or is this new? Was his vocal interest in Darla and Tim's stepmother Dana just performative, or was he actually into them? What does he do when he's not smiling blandly under a narration box full of exposition? Does he have hobbies? Does he have a personality?

I do have to disagree with my beloved @irolltwenties on one thing: I don't think Tim is getting all the development in this relationship. I don't think Tim's gotten any, either. He told Bernard that he wanted to date him in August of 2021, but have we progressed in any significant way with his character since then? He spent three issues of Urban Legends agonizing over his sexuality in a way that was so repressed he wouldn't even admit that was what he was doing, but how does he feel about it now? He hasn't said in a comic whether he's gay or bi or pan or even queer - and look, I'm not saying he needs to know what label he prefers, or whether he needs to use one at all. But that should be a character choice too! We don't know if he has an identity he's comfortable with, or isn't sure yet, or is rejecting all of them, or is refusing to think about it. We literally don't know anything about Tim's sexuality except that it includes Bernard, including how Tim feels about it.

We also haven't gotten to see him come out to a single person. Again, I don't want to reduce queer narratives to cliches, but like...it's very weird that it's happened off-panel repeatedly? With Bruce, with Steph, with Young Justice. I'm assuming the rest of his family knows, based on...exposition about Damian that doesn't even make sense. We don't get to see this fucking conversation with Dick? Are you KIDDING me? Some of us have been waiting literal decades for Tim to come out and we get absolutely zero of the emotional catharsis of that? It feels like we're being cheated, honestly it does.

And speaking of being cheated...we never did get to see that Tim and Bernard date. Or a conversation about their history, or liking boys, or literally anything ever. When was their first kiss? I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO SEE THE FIRST TIME TIM KISSED A BOY. I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD HAVE LIKED THAT. We don't even know how long they've been dating - Tim's current mini said it's been "months" and "a month" in the same issue. Go, DC, give us nothing!

I don't know why Tim's sexuality and his relationship with Bernard are being handled like this. Is it because they're afraid that if they allow it to be three dimensional it won't be sealed in its "unproblematic queer rep" mylar bag and board anymore? Is it because they're trying to get credit for Bi Tim while leaving it as vague as possible to not offend homophobes? Is it because they're just doing a crappy job? It's so strange to me because that first Urban Legends story was so good, and I really was rooting for Meghan Fitzmartin because it is so, so hard to be a woman in comics. But so far, it's just been a disappointment.

2. What would have made you like it?

If we had actually gotten weird, annoying OG Bernard, I feel like that would have been very entertaining - Tim is such a reserved character that I always enjoy seeing him play off against someone chaotic (Steph, Kon and Bart, even Jason to an extent). Also just like...seeing the actual relationship on the page??? I'm begging here, DC.

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I am strongly in favor of the concept! Tim dating a boy is long overdue. I just need DC to give me specific characters in a specific relationship, ON THE PAGE.

[pikahlua]

I've noticed more than a few people lately after the last few chapters have been very, idk, I guess doomerist about the LOV when it comes to their endings and place in the story. I keep seeing takes that I feel are in bad faith talking about how Izuku no longer cares about saving Shigaraki and is willing to kill him now that he's possessed just because he hasn't talked about Shigaraki in the last few chapters. Which I don't agree with at all, there's a lot going on in the newest chapters and we already know Izuku intends on saving him, I don't see the need for him to mention it every chapter, and I doubt he's changed his mind.

If anything, I feel Shigaraki's possession will motivate Izuku to save him even more, especially now that he knows more about him and his past besides the whole crying child thing. Which will probably come up soon again now that he's actually reached AFO.

I also see takes talking about how the LOV's role in the story is over now, and that hero society won't change at all, and they'll just get stuck in prison after all of this. Which, just feels like they're all ignoring what Horikoshi is trying to do here.

He's being vague about the LOV's status on purpose, to possibly pull off a surprise where they show up again in a dramatic way. And I truly don't see Horikoshi throwing them in prison after all of this is over. He cares a lot about the LOV and has been very deliberate in how he writes them and in showing that they're sympathetic characters who didn't deserve what happened to them. Hell, Tenko as a concept has been around since his first one shot, so I really doubt he'd ever throw away his character or just kill him off that easily.

Sorry that this isn't exactly a question and is more a vent post, I just wanted to know your thoughts on the more negative opinions people have had on here lately about the LOV and what you think will end up happening, since I very much trust in and appreciate your opinions on the series as a whole.

To me it just feels like people need to have faith in Horikoshi, and trust the process. I know the time between chapters feels really long, especially on break weeks, and that these ideas stew in people's heads due to it being a weekly manga, but I think Horikoshi is going to address everything people are worried about, it just takes time.

I haven't been paying attention to the negative opinions so there's not much specifically I can respond to. It just sounds like you're describing what we've been dealing with in this fandom for years now. It's not anything new.

I will say though that if a character "dies" but it's still a question to the audience about whether or not they are actually dead, 99% of the time it's because the character is not actually dead. When major characters truly die, mangaka usually do whatever is necessary to make sure everyone understands without a doubt that this is a real death. This is why we knew Katsuki would return, despite the literal year we had to endure of haters coping and trolling and begging for him to actually be dead.

I don't know what Horikoshi has in store for the characters he has left suspended in doubt. I don't know if he plans to bring them back for this climax or during the falling action later. I just know the chances they'll be back are astronomically high. Horikoshi loves his characters, and that has always been evident.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

This happened over a year ago but it still haunts me to this day and I decided to share it here. I used to be friends with someone in the bjd community and we both had collections where we "shipped" our dolls with each other. Y'know, harmless stuff. But she got so intensely attached to these couples that it would be all she talked about in every conversation. To the point where she would ask me to change things about my own doll to match hers better. It was weird and I was always worrying how she would react when I declined to alter my doll for her.

As it happens to a lot of us, I ran across some emergencies that required funds I didn't have at the time. I chose to sell some of my dolls, two of which had been dolls that were "paired" with this person's dolls. When she saw the sales post she completely lost it and blew up my dms while I was in class and couldn't respond to her. She was pissed. I can't even remember how many she sent but you had to scroll for a long time to read all of it. I tried to explain my emergency that required funds but she wasn't having it. She eventually began insulting me and calling me all sorts of names, selfish being one of them. She posted stories about me via vagues saying I was a terrible person who doesn't care about the mental health of my friends and that's when I knew I had to cut her off. She continued this for days. I called her out and blocked her, where she tried to contact me further using a separate account. My dolls sold and I was able to pay off my debt. A couple months later after I had finally managed to save up some fun money I was also able to buy a new doll that was the same sculpt of one that I sold and I recreated my character. I didn't let my ex friend taint my memory of him and all the time I spent developing his personality and character. I haven't heard from ex friend since I blocked both her accounts and I hope I never have to again.

She's also called me homophobic for saying I don't like long hair on my male dolls but that's a can for a different day.

~Anonymous

[iamanartichoke]

I don't know, guys, I think it may be over. "It" being my Loki era.

And it's not due to anything about the material itself, or even fandom really, I think it's just a mental health thing. Over the past year, I've had a lot of upheaval and calamities in my life that have impacted my experience as a person as well as how I interact with the world - and, by extension, how I interact with "hobbies" - so when I try to engage, it just doesn't work. It's like, for a long time, Loki and all things Loki-shaped fit very neatly into the blank space of my emotional needs puzzle. Now, it's like I'm putting the piece there and it kinda fits but not really, and even when it does, I get no satisfaction in it. Like I filled that particular piece but somewhere along the way, the puzzle changed and now there's all these gaps and holes elsewhere and I don't have those pieces. I'm pretty sure I lost the original box, actually, so now I'm at a loss and the Loki-shaped piece is intact and ideally doing what it's supposed to be doing, in its little place but it means nothing to me bc I still have an incomplete, shitty puzzle.

I ... have no idea if that makes sense, but whatever, I'm not going to revise. Anyway this is just a post to say that I'm kinda absorbing the new season on the periphery, and skimming some reactions and appreciating the gifs, but I have not made the effort to watch any episodes myself. And getting this far into it (I think we're 3 episodes in?) without feeling any real interest or need to watch has kind of made me realize that - well, I think it may be over.

I mean, this is not a "I'm leaving the fandom/tumblr" etc post, but it's really just a "hey I haven't been participating in fandom or posting my thoughts on the new season, in case anyone's noticed, and it's actually bc I haven't watched any of it yet (lmao) which is really bc I need to fix my mental health at least enough to get to a point where I can actively enjoy things again, at which point I'll probably pick it up again but right now I'm just not vibing with *gestures vaguely* all of this happening here, in Loki-town, so I'm just gonna be doing my own thing for awhile" .... post.

[puffin-smoke]

Two days ago y'all saw Duarte at their lowest. Duarte trying to fix a mistake they had made years ago and being met with a brick wall. So let's see what got them here. Let's talk about:

Natalie Rollins and the Worst Mistake Duarte Ever Made

please ignore my theatrical ass, i'm very excited :DD

Duarte first met Natalie a month into their hunting career. They were bright eyed and bushy tailed, earning the nickname Lightningbug at every turn. She'd only done a few successful hunts, and for half-bloods that had bounties worth as much as dirt, but she was trying to claw her way to notoriety nonetheless. And for that she needed one big job.

She strolled into the inn where notices and bounties were posted one evening. She knew there'd be a notice up for a newly spotted electric eel half-blood, who had supposedly been electrocuting any hunters who got close. Perfect for Duarte. But when she got up to the notice board there was no poster in sight. She looked over to the barkeep, who was in charge of putting up the posters each day.

"Where the hell's that new eel poster? You not put it up yet?"

"Already taken, kid." They didn't look up from the glass they were polishing. They gestured vaguely towards a table on the far side of the room. "You still want it, take it up with her. She snagged it the moment I put it up."

Duarte followed his hand towards the table. That was where Natalie was sitting. Duarte swore and a few patrons gave her the stink eye.

Natalie was a well established hunter. She'd been in this game since she was eighteen and had built up a rapport with the other hunters over the years. So naturally she wasn't the biggest fan of Duarte. She tended to have that effect on people.

Undeterred, or maybe just a bit stupid, Duarte walked up to her and took a seat, grinning. She propped her boots up on the table. Just play it cool.

Natalie gave her one annoyed look over her drink and that was it. No other acknowledgement that she was there.

"So, Nat! How's your evening been?"

"Firstly, don't call me that. Second, just cut to the chase, I know why your here." She sighed and pushed Duarte's feet off the table. "And the answer is no. This is my bounty, fair and square."

Duarte drops the smile. "Oh come on, this is a big job- you can't handle this! "

Bad move. Duarte knew that. Natalie scoffed. "And you can?"

"Course I can!" She replies, entirely earnest. She was a damn good hunter, who just needed some good luck. She slowly leans towards Natalie,trying to inconspicuously snatch the poster and make a run for it. Natalie moves it away, unimpressed.

"Go find something else, Lightningbug."

"You know I hate being called that."

"Then leave."

And so she did, grumbling and swearing the whole time. But she'd be back. Duarte knew that Natalie liked to plan out her hunts in detail, and thus she'd be back on that table to flesh out her plan. Duarte still had a chance.

It'd be simple. Turn up the charm, befriend the hunter and snag the case. Easy. She could be charming. Probably. Maybe she could just bug her into handing it over.

So she shows up the next day, finding Natalie at that same table, nose deep in a book with sea creatures etched into the cover. Duarte pushes the book down so she can meet her eyes, and grins. Natalie looks back at her, unimpressed.

"You're back. Why am I not suprised?"

"I'm here to see if you've thought anymore about my offer?"

Natalie nearly laughs. "Your "offer" was you insulting me and trying to order me about. Not very convincing."

The conversation doesn't go anywhere from there and eventually Duarte leaves.

The next day is alot of the same. Natalie had a new book that was somehow thicker than the last volume, and Duarte once trying her hand at either annoying or persuading the hunter.

"...so, if you're so intent on doing this job, then why haven't you already?"

"I'm not about to get myself fried by going in half-cocked." She gestures to a diagram in her book. A detailed map of all of an electric eels organs and what they do, how the electricity is discharged, with several handwritten notes peppered around it. "Everything has a weakness. "

Duarte cocks her head, still not entirely sees the point. "Couldn't you figure out that by actually going to fight the damn thing?"

"I could also die. Not intent on doing that any time soon."

"Hm. Not what I would do."

"I'm sure."

After a few days of this, Duarte shows up early, and takes a seat before Natalie can get the chance. Natalie arrives a half hour later, her arms filled with parchment and a new book, this one a very uniform teal. She surveys Duarte critically.

"You're in my spot."

"There's room next to me, if you'd like."

Natalie for a moment looks as though she's assessing if she could throw a book hard enough to kill Duarte. Seeming to decide that would be too messy, she dumps her books on the table and takes a seat. "Fine. Don't touch my stuff."

Duarte nods and grins. Natalie spreads her papers across the table, each one of them with more detailed diagrams that Duarte didn't understand. Might as well find out. "What's all this for? Find the weakness yet?"

She'd meant it mildly mockingly, but Natalie didn't seem to take it that way. Or maybe she just ignored it. She ignored alot of things Duarte said. "It's the electricity that's tripping me up... it'll make it harder for me to grab them, and knives are out of the question."

Their mind whirrs. "What about blunt force? One knock to the back of the head, they'll be out like a light."

Natalie nods, as though conceding a point to her. "Could work. It's getting close that's the problem; this thing releases electrical impulses, so the half-blood'll probably do something similar."

"Hm. So what's the plan?"

For the first time, Natalie looked confused, but quickly set her features back, that stern, unreachable expression. "Well, I'm going to have to find some kind of insulator." Her eyes go back to scanning the parchment, the book. "It can't be wood- that's too clunky, this guy'll probably be slippery. I need to be fast."

Duarte noticed the emphasis on certain words. It was fine. It was a reminder. She was getting to mixed up in the fast pace of the conversation. It had been nice, a break from the hostility she treated most hunters with. Duarte swallows and snipes. "That'll be a first for you then. Sure you can handle it?"

"Oh fuck off." Natalie bats them in the chest, playfully yet spiteful. "If I couldn't handle it I would've given the job over to you, Lightningbug."

Duarte was half tempted to hit her back, but lowered her hand. "There's still time for that."

The hunter laughs. It's short, restrained, but tunic. "Still no."

Duarte sinks down into their seat, defeated. "Fine." A thought crosses her mind. A solution maybe. "Would leather work?"

Its a throwaway thought. Just her thinking out loud, fully prepared to be shot down. But Natalie doesn't. Her face, at times, is easy to read and this is one of them. Her eyes widen for a split second, the corner of her lips cinch. She's fascinated. Suprised. "Shit."

"Shit?"

The hunter stands. Thoughts flicker behind her eyes, a mile a minute. Duarte can't help but watch them. Natalie begins to collect her things, dumping them into her bag at random. "No- shit- that could work. That might work- how the hell didn't I think of that?"

Duarte smirked and set their hands behind her head, lounging as much as her chair would allow her. "That's just what happens when you work with the-"

She stopped mid sentence when she realised that Natalie was already gone. "Oh." She sits there for the next twenty minutes, feeling too embarrassed for her liking, shame colouring her cheeks. She was gone, off to plan and read diagrams that Duarte didn't understand. Duarte didn't want to look into why she felt so annoyed with herself.

The next night Duarte sat alone at the bar. She'd checked the notice board a dozen times by now, searching for something to peak her interest. Nothing. So she sat alone, barely touching her drink, planning her next move.

That was when she felt a tap on her back. "You gonna sit there moping all night? We've got a job to do."

Natalie?

Duarte spun in her seat, whirling around to face her, almost falling off her seat in the process. She scrambled to regain her composure, but nothing could hide the surprise in her eyes. "The hell are you doing here?"

The hunter squints at her as though it were obvious. "Getting you." She throws what initially looks like a rag to Duarte. But she looks a little closer and it's anything but. It's essentially leather overalls, stitched together roughly, as though done with shaking hands. There's a mask and matching gloves in the pockets. "Now come on, this is a two person job."

Duarte shouldn't be sitting there slack-jawed but she is. Natalie, mildly concerned now, pokes her. "You suddenly not want this? I can always go to someone else-"

That gets her to stand up. "No!" She yells a little too loud. She cringes at herself. "I mean, no. We're splitting the reward right?"

"There you are, Lightningbug." The hunter laughs again, once more tight and short. The note of a song cut short. She sighs. "And no need to get ahead of yourself."

And with that she leads Duarte out of the tavern, and the hunt is on.

The pair throw the majority of their weapons into a bush: Duarte's harpoon, Natalie's crossbow, the combined sum of their knives. Anything that had metal. Their only weaponry was a finely carved wooden stake and a thick wooden club. They donned the outfits and began to stalk through the swamp. The plan, which Natalie explained in unsparing detail, was for Duarte to come at the half-blood from the front and Natalie from behind. Easy.

It didn't take long for them to find the half-blood, perched at the edge of a brook. Gills flexed and twitched as the half-blood drunk, webbed fingers let them catch more water in hand. Scales ran across their skin, dark and glittering. Duarte took one deep breath. She looked to Natalie, who nodded and continued onwards.

With that, Duarte smiled underneath the mask. This was going to be fun.

To summarise, the hunt went off without a hitch. Duarte had been annoyed that she had to be bait at first, but it had only taken a moment for her to fully sink into the role. While she came at the half-blood from the front, Natalie snuck up from behind. One hit from the bat and the half-blood was out like a light.

Duarte would eventually look back on this night and want to vomit. But that's neither here nor there.

For a moment the pair of hunters stood in silence, the quiet only interrupted by laboured breathing. Duarte was the first to speak. She grinned.

"Told you that you needed me."

Natalie rolls her eyes. "Don't get cocky." She nods towards the unconscious body. "Now, grab their legs. Let's get 'em to the arena."

And they do. The half-blood is disposed of, the reward is split. This was when Duarte had planned to leave. To go back to ignoring Natalie, to their own self imposed isolation. This was exactly what she needed, the big job. A big enough notch on her belt to give her the notoriety she deserved. She could go back to normal.

But she doesn't. She finds Natalie at that table the next day. And the next. It was a game to Duarte. Life was always a game to her.

"What's the point of this again? I'm pretty sure we could take this bozo on in our sleep."

"Mhm, and I don't want that sleep to last forever. So shut up, I'm tryna read."

Trading snipes and taunts came easy to Duarte, and even easier with Natalie. It was comforting. Exhilarating. But above all it was fascinating to learn more about her hunter. She'd previously seemed so untouchable, so above it all. A personality hidden behind intelligent blue eyes. Slowly that gruffness was stripped away, and Duarte could finally see what was underneath. The sparkle in her eyes when she has an idea. The way her jaw sets when she's frustrated. The way her laugh is like a silver bell.

"Fucking hell- someday I'm not gonna be around to save you, y'know that?."

"Oh, thank the divines, I can die in peace."

It was all a game to Duarte. A wonderful, fascinating game.

The first time she kissed Natalie was a game as well. And it had been fun. She'd thought about it for so long. Looking into her eyes from up close. Losing herself in them. Running her hands through her hair.

A game. Only a game.

It was a cold day in December. The windows were coated with a thin layer of frost, painting the outside world blurry and cold. But it was warm inside, it was safe. Duarte was staying with Natalie, who was renting out a room in town from some kind old lady. The two had just caught wind of a particularly interesting bounty; a hawk half-blood who'd recently escaped the arena. Some idiot had upped it's dose of Malesycthe and it had gotten loose. Right now they were running wild through the swamps, lost, confused, deranged.

Thus the two had gone to work immediately, books and files all spread across their bed with both hunter's perched on either side, looking for an insight. A weakness.

The two had been joking around, shooting the shit as they always did. It was normal. Duarte called Natalie a bookworm, Natalie called her a regular one. They did this everyday.

"oh my god- shit, I could get used to this."

That wasn't. That wasn't normal, that scared Duarte.

Duarte laughed. "The hell do you mean?"

There was a smile on Natalie's lips. "Just... this. You and me."

Duarte knew what came next. Those next three words. She could hear them.

And for some reason it fucking terrified her. The warmth suddenly felt choking, the safety like an iron grip. She couldn't do this. Natalie kept talking, kept smiling. It was beautiful but it was unknown.

"I just... I think this is the best it's ever gonna get for me. I-"

Duarte stood. "I- I've got to go."

Natalie's face fell. Some of that steeliness returned to her eyes, as though to fight off the shock that invaded them. "What? Why, did something-"

Duarte couldn't let her finish the sentence. "No. I mean yes. I can't do this- I have to go."

With that she turned on her heel and ran, sprinted. She didn't look back. She exploded down the stairs, almost tripping over her own feet. Where was she going? She didn't know. Just away.

It just made it all feel so real, so vivid. This was just supposed to be a game, a way to have fun and unwind, to propel her career forwards. It was just a game.

She still has the wanted poster in her hands. She must have grabbed it on her way out. She examines the crude drawing of the half-blood, the feathered skin, the beady eyes. She shrugs. "Might as well."

So she heads out later that night, harpoon in hand. She stalks through the woods, mildly lost, until she hears it. The shriek of a hawk, shrill and grating. It echoes through the night, silencing the chirping crickets and the whispering trees. The noise gets closer and closer, a scream, a war cry.

Duarte is knocked to the ground, talons raking across her skin. Her head hits the ground with a crack, and blood begins to run down her neck. She clambers to her feet, her vision for a moment blurry, gripping the harpoon in her hands.

The figure standing before her is bigger than anything the poster could have depicted. Feathers are draped from its arms, dirt and blood ridden. Talons like knives, gleaming in the moonlight, shimmering in the darkness. Long and slender. Its eyes were wild, bloodshot, its pupils pinpricks.

Staring right at Duarte.

Crap.

For a moment the two circled each other, a stalemate. The half-blood's mouth was foaming, drool hanging from it's jagged teeth. It's fists clench, it shifts onto it's back legs, rearing up to pounce. To lunge. A voice cuts through the tension.

"Oh shit- Duarte, you fucking idiot-"

Natalie. She runs in from the woods, crossbow in hand. With shaking hands she loads a bolt into the bow, movements somehow still precise and sharp. She-

The half-blood turns from Duarte to Natalie and lunges. It throws her to the ground, knocking her crossbow across the grass, out of arms reach. She desperately tries to throw the beast off of her, kicking, slapping, biting, screaming. It's no use. It's frenzied eyes have no mercy in them.

A bloodcurdling scream rings out across the swamps. Blood is splattered across the grass, dying it a deep crimson. Blood flows from the wound in Natalie's throat like water. A choking noise replaces the scream.

All Duarte can do is stand there. Frozen. Watching.

The half-blood looks up from its meal and turns to Duarte for a split second. It's eyes a threat. A promise.

Duarte doesn't know much but she knows she doesn't want to be next. So she runs. She runs and runs until she's back in town and can regret it.

But her mind hides regret and shame with a blanket of embarrassment and fear. A mound of what ifs. Justifications for what happened, for what she did. Her mind was good at that, always doubling down and convincing her she was in the right.

Natalie survives the attack; she managed to grab one of her knives from her boot and force the half-blood off that way. She ran home, hand plastered against her neck, desperately trying to staunch the bleeding. By the time she got back to town, all she could do was collapse onto pavement into a pool of her own blood. Someone was kind enough to help her, and smart enough to know healing magic. So Natalie survived. She couldn't speak for six months, couldn't hunt for eight, but she survived.

Still Duarte never spoke to her again.

Something within her didn't see the point; everything had worked out in the end. Natalie was alive, the half-blood was dead, and Duarte was back to doing what they were good at. Rushing into hunts the moment she could. It was efficiency. She never got a chance to speak to Natalie, and it seemed she didn't want to be spoken to. Every time the pair's eyes met, Natalie looked away, something sad washing through her eyes. Maybe some of the embarrassment Duarte herself held.

Eventually she quit hunting for good and moved away. Duarte never saw her eyes again but dreamt of them constantly, an anchor in the wave of reasoning in her mind. A true north.

But it was just a game to Duarte Cardoza. One she would never change her strategy for.

-----

And that's it! That's why Natalie hates Duarte, and slapped her in the face. Same girl, same.

Here's the letter Duarte sent her, the one that she mentioned in the scenario post.

Dear To Natalie Rollins

I know this letter will probably come as a shock to you, and maybe an annoyance. But I need to talk to you.

I know I don't have the right to ask anything of you after how things ended and how I acted, but could we please talk? I need to know if you could ever forgive me for what I let happen. Please

From, Duarte Cardoza

She rewrote that letter twenty times.