#was gonna post it next week or a day before tour starts but that's walls anniversary and i have another gifset for that

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Chapter 3 (Dancing On Glass)|| Chapter 4 (Merry-Go-Round)|| Backstage (1) || Backstage (2) || Chapter 5 (Danger)|| Backstage (3) || Chapter 6A (Love Walked In) || Chapter 6B (Without You) || Backstage (4) || Chapter 7 (Stick To Your Guns) || Chapter 8 (Time For Change) || Backstage (5) || Chapter 9 (Take Me To The Top) || Backstage (6) || Chapter 10 (Home Sweet Home) || Backstage (7) || Chapter 11a (Nightrain) || Chapter 11b (Nothing Else Matters) || Chapter 12a (Handle With Care) || Chapter 12b (I'm So Tired of Being Lonely) | Also posted at AO3

Chapter 13A: Angel

I want your love // Let's break the walls between us Don't make it tough // I'll put away my pride Enough's enough // I've suffered and I've seen the light

Baby, you're my angel // Come and save me tonight You're my angel // Come and make it alright

Soundtrack: “Angel,” Aerosmith, 1988 [click here to listen]

The Road

May 1988

Claire sipped her mug of oolong tea and kicked off her boots, nestling into the curve of the high-backed chair in the corner of the room, flipping through the latest issue of Time.

“…said when you asked me yesterday, I really want to keep the press at a minimum this tour.”

“And as I said when you told me that yesterday, this reporter is a straight shooter.” Colum Laird – Print’s new manager, all five feet of him – crossed his arms, face stern. “I’ve known him since my first tour with Zeppelin back in ’73. Met him on the Starship. We had a thing for the same groupie.”

Jamie sighed, not meeting Colum’s gaze in the reflection of what Claire teased him was the “movie star mirror” that she now realized was standard issue in all dressing rooms.

“Anyway – I know he’s a big fan of the band. I invited him to the show tonight, to hear the new stuff. The new songs are fucking great, Jamie – and you’re so smart to do the acoustic thing now, to test out the new stuff before going back into the studio for a proper record. You’ve done a grand total of one interview in the three weeks since we started this thing. And you kept the focus on the music, which I understand. But everyone wants to know the stories behind the music.”

“And as I told you yesterday, I don’t want to go into the detail. It’s private.” He was polite, but Claire knew him well enough – from three weeks spending every moment together, from hotel rooms to restaurants to the tour bus – to know when he became exasperated.

“You’re gonna have to do it eventually.”

Claire felt Jamie’s eyes on her – and looked up. His gaze held hers for a moment.

“I’ll talk all anybody wants to hear about addiction, and recovery, and sobriety. I’ll do that every day for the rest of my life, if people will hear me say it. But I’m not going to talk about my heart with some reporter that I don’t know, and who will only print what I say for the public to consume and throw away.”

Colum sat down in the empty chair next to Jamie’s, arms still crossed.  “One of the new songs is called ‘She’s My Addiction,’ Jamie. People will want to know who she is.”

Claire watched Jamie’s jaw clench. His eyes tore from hers to look straight on at Colum.

“She’s my heart, Colum. I shit you not, from the first moment I saw her at The Ridge, that was it for me. I knew I had to be in her life, somehow. She took me for who I am, and she didn’t care about all the bullshit that had got me there in the first place. She’s it. She’s my ride or die. And I’m terrified that one day she’ll just have enough of what my life is, and she’ll fly back to Boston, and that’ll be that.”

Her heart clenched – she wanted nothing more than to hold him close, in that moment.

“Colum, what Claire and I have is so fucking special. I don’t want to share it with anybody. Not this reporter, not my band, not even you. But I just did with you, and it was so fucking hard to do it, so that you can really understand.”

Colum ran his hands through his shoulder-length gray hair, a wide silver wedding band flashing. Claire wondered whether he’d made an honest woman of the Led Zep groupie.

“Just meet with him, Jamie,” Colum sighed. “The first chat can be what they call off the record. I can bring him here after the gig tonight. Just to get a feel for him. And if you don’t have a good feel, I’ll drop it. And he won’t screw us over in publishing something anyway.”

Jamie extended a hand to Claire – and immediately she padded over to him, socks whispering against the floor. She sat on the table in front of him, and his hand settled on her jean-clad knee.

“What do you think about it, Claire?”

She traced his eyebrows with her thumb, not caring about Colum just feet away from them. “I think you should talk to this reporter, Jamie, and you shouldn’t shut out any questions he asks. People need to know who you are now, and since I’m part of who you are now, that’s fair game.”

“I don’t want to expose you to all of the shit, Claire. Reporters and paps and fans.”

She smiled. “Both my eyes are wide open. I don’t care. People always appreciate honesty, and they can always smell bullshit. Be honest.”

He turned his face to kiss her palm. “They’ll dig up so much dirt on you.”

“What do I care? You know all of it already. It’s not like you’re spotless. And if I hadn’t fucked up my life so badly, I never would have met you.”

He huffed. Thought for a long moment.

“I’ll do it. But Colum, I have three conditions.”

Claire saw more than heard Colum’s sigh of relief. “Tell me.”

Jamie took Claire’s hand in his, kissing the inside of her wrist. “No questions about my prior manager – he’s a bloodsucker but he’s still powerful. I’m not going to air that dirty laundry.”

Colum nodded. “Fair. What else?”

“Claire has to be in the room when I talk to him.”

“Seems reasonable.”

“And, she can’t be named in the article. It’s inevitable that I’ll talk about her. People will figure out who she is soon enough. At least let me have a few more weeks until the tabloids figure out who she is.”

Colum stood and clapped Jamie on the shoulder. “Consider it done. I’ll bring him by after the show.” He glanced down at his watch. “Twenty minutes until curtain. You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be. And thank you.”

Colum nodded and slipped out of the room.

Jamie turned to face Claire, and she effortlessly slid onto his lap. He rested his head in the curve of her neck, nuzzling her collarbone, and she threaded her fingers through his hair.

“I can hear you thinking,” she said softly.

“I don’t want to burst our beautiful bubble,” he whispered.

“It’ll have to happen, Jamie.” She held him close, gently massaging his scalp. “Once you make the record, and once you go on a bigger tour. Easier for it to happen now, with someone who’s apparently got a good reputation. While we can control some of it.”

“And then the paps will camp out in front of your apartment. Mob you at the grocery store.”

She kissed the crown of his head. “I’ll deal with it.”

“Some tabloid will interview Frank. You know it’s coming.”

“I do. And those same reporters will find a dozen women you hooked up with after shows, all across the country. But it doesn’t matter.”

He kissed her neck. She shivered, and felt his smile.

They’d agreed to remain celibate until their wedding. It hadn’t been such a bad idea when they were still mostly apart – but these past three weeks on the road, sharing a bed in each hotel room, had put their resolve to the test.

“You’re right. We’re under no obligation to share more than we need to.”

She pulled back, and leaned down to kiss him.

“Finish getting ready. I’ll see you after the show.”

He darted in for a quick kiss. “Not if I see you first.”

[probablynot-john]

I posted 89 times in 2022

31 posts created (35%)

58 posts reblogged (65%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@never-ending-fanfic

@mabsart

@astralalmighty

@nikxation

@tsuki-beemei

I tagged 70 of my posts in 2022

Only 21% of my posts had no tags

#star wars - 33 posts

#sw rebels - 27 posts

#hot kallus - 25 posts

#alexsandr kallus - 25 posts

#kalluzeb - 23 posts

#garazeb orrelios - 21 posts

#star wars rebels - 14 posts

#incorrect star wars rebels quotes - 11 posts

#ezra bridger - 11 posts

#sabine wren - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 102 characters

#this has been in my head for years with numerous character combinations but im glad i finally wrote it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hello! I made some arts!

See the full post

55 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

#4

*after being captured at Bridger's tower*

Thrawn: I congratulate you on being able to evade capture for as long as you have agent Kallus, you are quite hard to read.

Kallus: Maybe you're dyslexic.

68 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

#3

These three

Are basically these three but without dragons

See the full post

70 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

#2

I'm gonna attack ya'll with the fluffiest headcannon I have:

So Kallus and Zeb are retired and living a beautiful quiet life on Lirasan. As a hobby Zeb starts volunteering at the local zoo (ie. Carl & Ellie), and every year he gives tours to a class of kids from the local school (kids are about 2nd to 3rd grade age). Anyways as kids do, they ask Zeb what his favorite animal is. But Zeb just laughs and tells them "you'll have to wait to the end of the tour to find out".

Here's the thing, the kids have been dying to find out what it is since they found out they were going to the zoo weeks before the trip. Because Zeb said the same thing to the class the year before them, and the year before that. As amazing as loth cats are (another animal they saw at the zoo), by the end of the tour the tiny lasats are literally climbing up the walls with anticipation.

By the time they finally get to the end they come to a big curtain.

Zeb:"Alright kids are you ready for the last animal on our tour?"

Kits:"YEAH!"

Zeb:" Okaaaaay, hear we have my favorite animal my husband Alex!"

*Zeb pulls back the curtain to reveal Kallus standing in a terrarium without glass* Kallus: "Hello children:)"

The kids lose their shit.

When Zeb and Kallus first moved to Lirasan, Kallus was the first human many of the locals had ever seen. As a result many people had questions and some were not as nice about it as others (we've all read the other head cannons). But the kits were always more curious than judgemental. One day a woman made some rude comment about how weird Kallus looked to her and jow he "belongs in a zoo". Unfortunately for her Kallus loves this idea, who told Zeb who started volunteering the very next day.

The rest of the tour is spent with Alex answering all the questions the kits have about being human. Of course Alex get his favorite questions, the one the kids ask every year:"what's your favorite animal?"

Which he answeres by looking longingly at Zeb before saying "loth cats".

The kids all keep the cycle going of not telling the younger kids what Zeb's favorite animal is next year. And thus the legend is born

102 notes - Posted August 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Okay so picture this:

Kallus and Zeb are on a mission together, Kallus does something clever to save the day. But suddenly troopers break down the door and storm the room. As they fight side by side together, Zeb catches Kal's eye, and before he can stop himself he blurts out

Zeb: Hey Kal! Marry me?*throws a storm trooper*

Kallus: Sure. Like now, or later? *shoots a Trooper inches behind Zeb*

Zeb *not fully comprehending what he just said, or the fact that Kal just just said yes*: um, later. But not much later.

Kallus: Okay sounds good.

Storm Trooper: what the hell-*Zeb smashes his face*

*they passionately make out for a few minutes before leaving*

And scene.

117 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[fruitylouis]

This is my moment, I waited all my life I can tell it's time Drifting away, I'm one with the sunsets I have become alive

[binnieboyswhore]

Hot tub cockwarming

Pairing: Bang Chanx Reader  Genre: Smut Word count:1,110  Warnings: Public Sex, Cock warming, cursing, getting caught    Authors note: I swore i would never write a Chan fic cause there’s like 20 new Chan fics posted every day but ii’ve become a bit obsessed with him don’t talk to me about it. I’m working on another Chan fic right now too so i’m in little deep 

The boys have been home from tour for about a few weeks and in an effort to get everyone  back together Chan and you decided to host a pool party and bbq night at your house. After the boys had eaten everything in sight and played in the sun all day, the night approached fast and all 9 of you found yourselves in the hot tub as the moon sat high in the sky with drinks in your hands. The boys told stories to you about where they had gone, the people they had met and the funniest things fans said to them. While they were conversing with each other Chan leaned down to your ear while snaking is arm around the bottom of your back whispering, “thank you for this baby”

You looked up at his soft yet rugged face placing your hand on his soft chin and lightly kissed his soft lips, “anything for you.”

You two started to have your own conversation quietly. Chan has told you how much he’d missed you, missed your lips, the touch of your skin, being in you. When he said that an idea came to mind, you had remembered reading this fan smut somewhere about something called “cockwarming” and this could be the perfect setting to try it. The water was bubbling so thickly you couldn’t see below its surface and everyone was already so close to each other no one would think anything about you on Chan’s lap.

You leaned into his ear “have you heard of cockwarming” he blushed a bit and shook his head yes. He took your hand and placed it in his shorts so you could rub him a few times so he was hard enough, when he let out a low moan, that he played off as a cough, you knew he was hard enough. You go to sit on his lap while he pulls himself out of his shorts and pulls the bit of your bikini aside and slides himself in. You hold your breath so as not to give anything away. You feel him lean his head against your back and you can tell he wasn’t hiding it in his face very well when Felix spoke up “Chan mate, you feeling okay?” Which led to the remaining people in the tub to look your way.

Chan responded, trying not to stutter, “ya I’m good I just got a slight cramp in my calf” thankfully everyone bought it and continued talking.

You slid the rest of the way down your back now flesh with Chan’s chest and the night continued. You got worried every time someone looked at you two, that they might see but honestly it just added to the excitement of it all. Chan was telling us about how when he had met a fan they just said “hey daddy” and he got so flustered he didn’t know what to do and as he told the story he still blushed. The boys laughed about it and talked about how there were a lot of fans who referred to Chan in the matter.

“Is that so?” you said turning your head to look at his eyes. Soon enough the boys started going inside to change into dry clothes and it was just Chan and you left, I.N peeked outside “are y’all coming inside? We’re gonna start a movie.” Chan was kissing the back of your neck so you responded “We’ll be in in a minute, just don’t wait up for us” and I.N knew exactly what that meant. As soon as she was no longer in sight Chan took your hand and put it on your stomach and you shivered at what you felt.

“Do you feel that baby? That’s me inside you.” you let out a small moan feeling Chan’s hard cock nestled so far in you.

“Channie, please can you fuck me now?” Without hesitation he removed himself, you immediately felt empty. He turned you around placing you between his legs and kissing you while he grabbed both sides of your face.

You broke it “As much as I want this to be as long as we can we kinda have to be fast we have guests inside.”

“Oh fuck them, daddy wants his princess.” You loved it when he was like this but we did have guests.

“Chan,” he looked at you, “Daddy, I’m serious, we have to be fast.” you said rubbing his shoulders.

“Fine princess but I wanna take you from behind.” you put yourself against the wall and set your knees on the stone bench under the water. His hand lands on your ass and he unties the sides to your bikini, you see them start to float beside you and you’re anxious to have him in you again.

“God princess you’re beautiful.”

“Daddy fuck me, please.”

He rubs his hands together “with pleasure baby”

He puts himself in you and you can’t help but moan rather loudly, “Princess we do have guests.”

He thrusts into you the warm water splashing and adding resistance to his hips making him work for his high. It isn’t much longer till you're close enough to your high, your walls start to clinch around Chan’s hard cock “daddy, I’m close” you whine out to him.

His thrusts start to get sloppy as he says “cum for me my princess” and just before you let go you hear the sliding door open and you lock eyes with Changbin as you scream whisper “fuck yes daddy right there!”

You couldn’t hold it back as the ecstasy waved over you and you felt Chan hit his high. You couldn’t leave Changbins eyes as your face contorted during different stages of your high. He looked embarrassed but he couldn’t move. You finally got through it and laid your head on Chan's shoulder.  When you looked back up he was gone. You start to lightly laugh, Chan sat next to you handing you your bottoms “Changbin came outside.”

He looked at you sideways as if to ask when “when I was cumming” you told him finishing the knot on your bottoms.

“God lucky someone saw that, you look the most beautiful when you come undone on my cock.” He kissed your check but you slapped his shoulder “Chan, that’s your best friend I don’t want him seeing me like that.”

“Okay princess I’m sorry, I’m just saying don’t blame him for staring when you’re just so damn gorgeous.” And then he smiled that sweet sweet smile and we headed inside where we were guaranteed awkward looks from Changbin and light teasing from the rest.

[saltyhyunjae]

CHAPTER FOUR: YOU’RE NOT AN EASY MISSION

genre/warnings: angst, fluff, slow burn, enemies to lovers (?), kidnapping, criminal!tbz, mentions of guns & knives, suicide and depression mention, a bit of abuse, sangyeon is lowkey very mean in this chapter.

word count: 2.2k

summary: y/n really goes through it.

chapter three

“Finally.” You look behind Hyunjae to see Sangyeon, Juyeon, Changmin and Eric walking towards you, Sangyeon looking like he is about to kill you. You’re dead. He grabs your wrist and rips you out of Hyunjae’s grip. He drags you all the way to the house, never loosening his grip. When you guys step inside, the rest is already there waiting in the living room.

Sangyeon let’s go of you and you touch your wrist that has turned red. He turns around and before anyone even gets to speak, you feel the palm of his hand across your cheek. He hit you. You hear some of the boys gasp as you start tearing up, your cheek burning. You’re done for.

“HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT! WE SHOULD’VE KILLED YOU WHEN WE FIRST SAW YOU, BUT NO WE GAVE YOU A NICE ROOM AND WERE NOTHING BUT SWEET TO YOU. AND THIS YOUR REWARD?!” He yells as everyone just stares at the two of you.

“YOU WERE JUST GONNA REPORT US HUH? YOU WERE JUST PRETENDING TO CARE FOR US SO YOU COULD JUST BETRAY US WHEN WE LEAST EXPECTED IT, RIGHT?” His hand lifts up again and you flinch expecting another slap, but it never comes. You open your eyes to Hyunjae grabbing Sangyeon’s wrist, stopping him from slapping you. “Enough.”

Sangyeon takes a deep breath finally coming to his senses. He didn’t want to hit you, but as soon as they finally found you, he saw red. “Changmin, Eric, take her to the storage room.” He orders before walking away

When you enter the storage room, they close the door behind you. Jacob told you once before about how the storage room is the only room with a lock or cameras in the house. You sit down on the floor and finally breakdown, sobbing loudly.

When you’ve finally calmed down, you hear the lock and the door opens. It’s Jacob. He comes in with an emergency kit and gives you a faint smile. “I would ask if you’re okay but I already know the answer to that.” He tries to joke and you give him a small smile.

“Let’s see.” He gently grabs your jaw and starts cleaning up the wound on your cheek, the other one still red from the hit. You notice the bandage around his arm, around the place you stabbed him. “Sorry, I didn't know it was you.” You mutter looking down. “It’s okay, I understand.” He softly pats your shoulder.

When he’s done with your face he cleans up the wounds on your knee and elbows. You give him a barely audible ‘thank you’ and he leaves to get you blankets and a pillow. He tells you goodnight, once you two made up your ‘bed’ and as soon as he leaves you break down again, and so you cry yourself to sleep.

»»————-　➴　————-««

Weeks go by and you’re back in your room again, which now has locks on the window and a camera. Jacob brings you your meals and the only time you go outside your room is when you go to the bathroom or when they have to take you with them on their missions. During the missions you just quietly stay put.

Ever since the day you tried to escape you haven’t spoken or even looked at the boys, besides jacob. They, except for Sangyeon, tried to speak to you a few times, but you just ignored them and they eventually gave up. You’ve been crying yourself to sleep every night and besides eating all you do is sleep and shower, just waiting for your days to be over.

You’re awake but your eyes are closed trying to get more sleep. Winter is coming and it’s starting to get colder. You’ve been here for about two months now. You put your blanket over your head and sigh.

Hyunjae knocks on your door slowly opening it. You look up expecting Jacob. You two make eye contact for a second before you look down again. He gives you your breakfast and you nod at him.

You expect him to leave, but he doesn’t, instead he sits next to you on your bed. He inspects you as you eat. You look exhausted, eyes puffy from crying all night. He feels his heart breaking looking at your state. He feels so helpless, he wants to do something but he knows that he can’t. He knows how stubborn Sangyeon is, he’ll never let you go.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters, you look up at him confused. “I’m sorry I got you into this situation.” He feels like it’s all his fault, he was the one that pleaded Sangyeon, who wanted to kill you at the store after they took everything, to just keep you as a maid. Usually he would be the one to propose the idea of killing a witness, but as soon as he laid eyes on you in the store, he felt something he has never felt before, something he can't describe.

You don’t know why but you feel tears coming up. You try to turn away but Hyunjae grabs you and pulls you in a hug. You rest your head on his shoulder and start crying as he rubs your back.

Hyunjae holds you close, his heart racing faster than he thought was possible. After you have finally calmed down, Hyunjae tells you to rest up and you sleep till Jacob gives you your dinner, returning to your usual schedule.

A week later not much has changed besides the fact that now both Jacob and Hyunjae also give you your meals. They’re the only ones you interact with making small talks when they drop by.

“What does your room look like?” You ask Jacob, who places your food beside you. “Want me to show it to you?” You nod excitedly and he laughs. “Eat up then i’ll show you.”

After you’re done eating, Jacob brings you to his room. When you enter his room you’re hit with the scent of vanilla and rose. Around his wall he has posters of movies and his bed is neatly made up, just like the rest of his room. “Wow, it's pretty.” “Thank you.” He smiles looking down with his hands in his pockets.

Jacob doesn’t know why but every time he’s around he gets a bit nervous and his heart starts beating faster. He knows he shouldn’t be feeling like this since you're their captive, but he can’t help it.

You look around some more while Jacob sits on the bed. You turn your head to the right and look at the ground, spotting a gun in the corner of his room. You decide to not point it out and go on with your mini tour.

After you and Jacob talk about random things for like an hour, you go back to your room. “It was nice seeing you get out of your room again. My room is always open for you to hang out!.” Jacob smiles and you thank him before he closes the door behind him.

A few days later you have another big mental breakdown again, the fifth of the month. You want to leave. You need to leave. But you can’t. Out of frustration you grab your hair. You can’t take it anymore. You needed to find a way out. But how?

You already tried to escape once it’s impossible to do that now. You needed to end this. Suddenly Jacob’s gun comes to your mind. You needed to end them. You started laughing. You were just gonna do it, you were going to kill infamous criminals The Boyz.

You spent the next couple of days trying to come up with a plan when Jacob one day mentions they were going to have a movie night later that day, he asked if you wanted to join them but you declined. After he left you couldn’t help but smile. Tonight is the night.

»»————-　➴　————-««

“NO! No horror movies.” Eric tries to fight Changmin of him, earning a bite from the older one. Eric starts screaming and let’s go of the remote. Changmin grabs it and starts the movie. The tv is so loud they can’t hear any noises from outside the living room.

You walk into Jacob’s room about 20 minutes after the movie started, grabbing his gun. Thank god it’s loaded. You slowly walk downstairs and sneak into the kitchen, grabbing a big sharp knife. Before you enter the living room you take a deep breath preparing yourself. The boys are so into the movie they don’t notice you walking in, and thank god the lights are out too. You approach Sunwoo who is the closest to your reach. You point your knife at his neck and get ready to use it.

Sangyeon looks to his side and notices you behind Sunwoo, holding something in both of your hands. He gasps when he sees the knife and gun. “Sunwoo! Behind you!” The boys all jump up and the light goes on.

Changmin speeds to you and grabs you from behind. “Oh my God, Y/n, What the fuck.” Sunwoo breathes in shock. “Y/n! Put that down.” Hyunjae tries to stop you. You feel like you're going out of your mind. You start to laugh hysterically and then start to scream. “NO! let me go NOW!.” You laugh again. “Let me go or you guys are dying.”

“Y/n please.” Jacob tries. “I SAID LET ME GO!” You desperately try to wiggle out of Changmin's arms. You suddenly feel a tear running down your cheek. You didn’t even notice you were crying. “Y/n don’t be stupid put that dow-.” Sangyeon speaks up but you cut him off. “SHUT UP!” Anger starts racing in you, hearing his voice. “You’re the last one I wanna hear right now!” You start to see red as you break down in sobs.

“You guys are horrible. You guys are the reason I don't wanna live anymore. You guys ruined my life. YOU ALL RUINED ME. Either you guys are dying or it’s me!” “Y/n, nobody is dying tonight.” Hyunjae tries to slowly approach you.

“Oh no?” You give them a wicked smile. You notice Changmin’s grip on you loosened a bit giving you the opportunity to lift your hand that’s holding the gun. You point it up to your head. Changmin freezes up and Hyunjae’s eyes widen in fear. “Y/n!-”

Before you can pull the trigger, Juyeon knocks the gun out of your hand letting it fall onto the ground. You let out a loud scream before falling on your knees. You can’t stop your tears from falling and loud sobs from coming out of your mouth.

Both Jacob and Hyunjae run over to you and Hyunjae holds you close to his chest. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He tries to shush you. You grasp onto his shirt and start to hyperventilate. Jacob kneels before you and runs his fingers through your hair trying to calm you down, while the rest of the boys just stand there in shock.

Hyunjae picks you up and carries you to your room. You finally calm down as he lays you down on the bed. You crawl between the sheets, your back facing him. Hyunjae stays quiet and strokes your hair as you fall asleep.

“I can’t believe she tried to kill me!” Sunwoo puts his hand in the air out of disbelief as Hyunjae walks into the room. “She tried to kill all of us, don’t feel special.” Kevin huffs earning a glare from Sunwoo. “But still!” “Shut up, she’s finally asleep.” Hyunjae sits on the couch.

“How could she be like this?” Eric sighs. Jacob takes a deep breath, he’s been trying to stay calm since the day you tried to run away, but right now the frustration is taking over him.

“Are we surprised she’s like this?!” His voice raises a bit, surprising the members. “Didn’t you guys hear her? We ruined her! She did nothing to this deserve this, yet we got her into this stupid situation!”

“You just had to slap her.” Younghoon turns to Sangyeon. “I don’t know, I didn't want to.” Hyunjae rolls his eyes. “Then apologize.” “Like apologizing is gonna do something.” Sangyeon huffs. “Right, I'm sure she hates us for life now.” Eric leans back in his seat.

“Can’t we just let her go.” Jacob groans. “No! That's out of the question. She’ll report us right away.” “But Sangye-.” “No.”

“And what if we convince her to not report us?” Haknyeon smirks. “You wanna torture her?” Changmin gives Haknyeon a confused look. “Listen, I have a plan.” Everyone groans and Chanhee rolls his eyes. “Not again.”

“No listen, this plan is better.” Everyone turns their attention to Haknyeon as he starts explaining his plan. “Okay so, We’ll just let her live with us as part of the group instead of her being a maid or prisoner or something like that.” Haknyeon smiles as if it’s the best idea in the world.

“We’re called the boyz, not the boyz plus one girl.” Eric snorts. “Okay, but she won’t report her friends, or herself, right?”

“I think it’s a good idea.” Juyeon agrees with Haknyeon. “Of Course you do.” Chanhee sighs. “Well the idea isn’t that bad.” Kevin speaks up. “We could use some help.” “Right, I agree too.” Hyunjae stands up, he doesn’t really like the idea, but everything is better than watching you suffer because of them. After a lot of thinking all of the boys finally agree and go to bed.

»»————-　➴　————-««

tag list:

@beauchamp-fraser @n-xrmy @givememunjang @choidokim @stxrles-nxmss

[andreafmn]

I'm Not Afraid - Chapter 1

Word Count: 3,325

Characters: Female Reader Argent Character, Original Male Argent Character, Derek Hale, Allison Argent, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Isaac Lahey, Lydia Martin, Chris Argent, Jackson Whittemore

Story Description: (Y/N) Argent arrived at Beacon Hills to put to rest her father's sister, Kate Argent. For the first time, her family has decided to settle down and sustain a life in this interesting small town. After 17 years, (Y/N) has the opportunity to establish interpersonal relationships but will she be ready to face the complications that come with relating to her cousin's, Allison, friends; especially, the infamous Derek Hale. She will face the adventure of being associated with the Derek and McCall pack as well as being faced with the discovery of certain aspects of her life she never imagined.

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Teen Wolf, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and MTV Network. The only thing I own is Argent Reader insert, her immediate family, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others' storyline.

Chapter: 1/?

Chapter Description: (Y/N) finally arrives at Beacon Hills for the funeral of her aunt and meets a certain wolf to which she feels a special connection.

A/N: Second fandom I'm writing for. I love Teen Wolf so much and the trope of hard Derek but only soft for you makes my heart sing. If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

Next ->

Chapter 1

I hugged the black coat to my body as hard as I could whilst pushing through the sea of press. Our family's last name became quite known after the reports about my aunt, whose burial we were attending. She had allegedly burned down a house with people in it.  She killed them in cold blood. I hugged my grieving uncle and his less grieving wife, then my cousin who had a painful look on her face. I hugged her the longest. She let herself crumble on my arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Even though she was a horrible person she was still our aunt, family.

I took my seat behind Allison when my father, my mother, uncle Chris, and aunt Victoria stood up. Allison didn't lift her head and neither did I. I just tried to comfort her.

"It's been such a long time I don't expect you to call me grandpa." We both looked up to see a white-haired man who resembled the Argent features. "Don't worry about it, just call me Gerard." He hugged both of us, an overpowering aura emanating from his being. When we were engulfed, I looked to the side and saw two boys squatting behind a gravestone. If they were hiding, they were doing a horrible job at it.

"But I prefer Grandpa," Gerard said walking to his seat. I sat back down and drifted off during the whole ceremony. Once it was over, I joined my parents and we drove to our new house. I have a feeling that life here will be very interesting.

That weekend I decided that I had been putting working out off for too long. I changed into comfortable workout clothes and gave food to my dog, Brody. I headed out the door, put my earbuds on, and started to jog. I really didn't know where I was going since it was a new place for me, all I know is that I kept running until I reached the woods. The bad thing about this, I had no idea how to get back home. Even though I knew of this sidetrack and I knew I would be late to get back home, I kept running, needing a release from the mundane feeling of being new in town and having to reunite from our estranged family in a funeral.

I had gained a lot of momentum. God knows how fast I was running at this point that is until I hit something, it almost felt like a wall. When I looked up, I saw a very handsome guy. Spiked hair, green eyes, and slight stubble. If it weren't for the fact that I was already sweaty I would have started to sweat showers of how nervous I was. That is until he opened his mouth.

"Watch where you're going." He growled at me.

"How about you fucking move and not be a prick?" He looked at me with big eyes, probably in surprise, but quickly changed to his menacing look. Who was he trying to fool?

"Well, this is private property, which means that you're trespassing, meaning you should pay more attention to your surroundings."

"I'm sorry but a burnt-down house with almost no walls or roof is barely a property. So, how about you stop being an idiot and I can be on my way." I started to jog once again but he gained my attention once more.

"You're new here, aren't you?" I turned around to face him.

"What's it to you?" He raised his eyebrow.

"I'll take that as a yes." The cockiness oozed out of his pores.

"And why the hell should that matter?"

"Because no one would dare talk to me that way."

"Who would be afraid of a little sour wolf?" He tensed up. "Dude, chill. I'm just kidding. But I doubt anyone would be afraid of Mr...."

"Hale. Derek Hale." He said extending his hand to me. Gee, after screaming at me he wants us to be acquaintances. I thought about not shaking his hand, but I didn't want to be rude. Well, more than I have been already.

"(Y/N). Argent." I shook his hand. Strong grip. Suddenly I felt a rush of déjà vu; I had met him the day before. "Wait, aren't you that guy I accidentally hit with my grocery cart yesterday?"

"Yeah, that really hurt. You hit my ankle. You could've had me limping."

"But you're not, so be grateful I didn't break your ankle." He laughed. "Damn, if I had known how cocky you really were, I would've hit you harder."

"So, you admit that you hit me?"

"Oh yeah, of course, I hit you. Accidentally that is."

"Yeah, yeah."

I looked around trying to find where the hell I had come from but there wasn't even the slightest trail as to where I was to go.

"So, miss (Y/N). Do you even know your way home?"

"No, but I'm sure I can find my way back." Then, he took keys out of his pocket and pointed to his car.

"Come on, I'll drive you around and you just tell me when something seems familiar."

"And why should I go with the guy that almost ripped out my throat for bumping into him? For all I know you could be driving me to my death." I crossed my arms over my chest, and he let out a loud sigh.

"Look, I'm sorry for snapping. But I'm trying to be nice. That doesn't happen very often."

"Alright, Mr. Hale. I'll let you take me home just because you are being nice now, after being a prick, and I'm exhausted."

"See, no one can resist me." I rolled my eyes at his cockiness. Seriously does he buy cans of it on eBay?

"Don't get cocky with me. I can punch the living daylights out of you." He chuckled and started to drive.

We drove for about 20 minutes until I finally recognized the curb that led to my house. Upon arriving at my driveway, I got out of the car and walked to the driver’s side.

"Give me your hand” For some reason, I felt compelled to do so. He took a pen and wrote down a number. "Call me if you ever need a tour of the town."

Three weeks later, I walked inside the school to meet up with Allison. I moved here with my family since dad had some business taking float. Being the new kid in town is never fun. I would know. I switch schools almost every year. The pro and con about this would be not being attached to anyone. Usually, I'm the one who doesn't talk to anyone and is called a freak. A derogatory term given to people who are way too different from others, but a title I wore proudly.

"Oh my gosh, (Y/N)! How have you been?" Allison wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. It was as if she hadn't seen me just three weeks ago.

"Hi, Allison. I've been good, getting acclimated to the new town. You?" You would think that because we were cousins, I would be more affectionate towards her but honestly, I wouldn't see her again for like three more years, so what's the point?

"I'm good. A little rocky at the start of coming here but good." Then, a boy with a buzz cut and one with great brown hair walked by and smiled at Alli. "Ooh, you should come meet my friends. Stiles, Scott!! Come here." The boys turned around with goofy grins on their faces.

"Hey, Allison. Who's this?" Buzzcut kid said.

"This is my cousin, (Y/N). She just moved here from Virginia."

"Pleasure to meet you. I'm Scott." The one with the great hair said.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Stiles." I shook their hands and smiled.

"Nice to meet you, too, buzzcut." Allison and Scott laughed but Stiles only ran his hand through his hair, suddenly becoming hyperaware of his lack of locks.

"Allison. Who might this sexy lady be?" I rolled my eyes. The last thing I need is a narcissist with a god-complex trying to get close.

"Oh, Jackson, this is my cousin, (Y/N)."

"Hi." He extended his hand and looked me up and down.

"Hi." I smiled sarcastically, and when I didn't extend my hand, he dropped his.

Finally, after standing awkwardly behind Allison whilst her friends talked, the bell rang. Talk about saved by the bell.

"Hey, (Y/N), what's your first class?" I checked my schedule.

"Um, chemistry."

"Oh, good, then you're coming with us to Mr. Harris' class," Scott said pointing towards him and Stiles. I smiled and walked behind them.

Once we got to the classroom everyone turned to me, the ever-present sign of being new in the class evident in the stare of my classmates.

"Um, hi, my name is (Y/N) Argent and I'm new." The teacher, whom I guess is Mr. Harris, turned around to face me.

"Oh, yes, Miss Argent. Welcome. You will be sitting next to Isaac Lahey. Lahey, raise your hand." Once Isaac raised his hand, I noticed he was sat near Stiles and Scott. Two people I was trying to avoid. As I walked past, I accidentally pushed Stiles' book on his lap, startling him, resulting in an awkward descent from his lab stool onto the floor.

"Hi, again. I guess we are gonna see a lot of each other for the rest of the school year." I nodded and he scratched the back of his neck. "So, um, what school did you come from?"

"Lancaster High," I responded whilst writing down what Mr. Harris was writing on the board. Stiles kept trying to talk to me, but I would only give him short, cold answers or just ignore him. That is until Mr. Harris called our attention, that's when he finally got the memo to shut up.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to introduce myself since we're gonna be seated next to each other all year. I'm Isaac."

"I figured." I tried giving him my best smile. The vibe he was giving off seemed like he needed it. "I'm (Y/N)."

"Well, nice to meet you, (Y/N). Now I'll leave you to the class because if I don't I know I'll be failing even more than I am."

"Oh, well, maybe I can tutor you some time. I'm actually really good at science. My mom was a chemist professor once upon a time so I'm bound to understand all this."

"Really?!" His puppy eyes seemed to light up and I nodded. "That would actually be amazing."

"Sure thing. Now let's get back to class."

After Chemistry finished, I put everything in my bag as quickly as possible and sped to my next class, Math. Thankfully, none of Allison's friends shared this class with me but I did share it with Isaac.  I didn't consider him much a friend but more an acquaintance in desperate need of help.

As the day progressed, I noticed the rest of my classes were shared with one or more of Allison's friends. They all tried to strike up a conversation but were quickly discouraged when met with my one-worded or vague answers. Especially, Stiles. He tried especially hard to get answers out of me, only being met with the occasional laugh or stare at his comical occurrences. He seemed like the kind of person you could just open up to. The same could be said about Scott. His shy nature was alluring, and he portrayed himself as a very trustworthy and loyal being.

But I would not allow myself to let them in. My whole being yearned for a real friendship, someone to share nothing and everything; never again.

At lunch, I sat outside and ate my food quietly, a book in front of my face to shield my eyes from the sun the prevalent stares of my peers. After some minutes of appreciated loneliness, the empty table was filled with conversating teenage bodies. I smiled politely but, in my mind, I was cursing them out.

"So, (Y/N), how's your day been?" Allison asked whilst munching on an apple. I swallowed what was left of my bite and answered.

"Fine, thank you." This time no one pressed on after my short answers, finally getting the hint of my disinterest. In the corner of my eye, I saw Isaac sitting under a tree munching on half a sandwich. I excused myself and went to join him, heavily enjoying his tranquil aura.

"Oh, hi, (Y/N)." He smiled sheepishly.

"Hey, Isaac. Is that all you're eating?"

"Yeah. I'm not very hungry." He looked down as if he were ashamed.

"Nonsense! Here," I gave him the other half of my burger and another bag of chips I had in my bag. "You can't tell me you're not hungry. You're a boy in peak development."

"Thanks." He smiled as he continued munching on his food. I put on some music and we continued eating in silence. No conversation required.

The day went on smoother than it started. Classes flew by fairly quickly and the incessant chit-chat seemed to diminish. During last period I was like every other student, anxiously waiting for the bell to signal the end of the school day. When my pleads were answered, I packed the necessary book into my bag and left the rest in my locker, expertly avoiding any more social encounters. Quickly, I made my way to the waiting open car door of my father's car, ignoring Allison's beckoning me t.wards the small group of friends.

"How was your first day, darling?" My father spoke up breaking my attention from the scenery.

"Like any other first day I've had." I smiled. "The towns might change but school is always the same."

Finally at home, we were greeted with the sight of my mother cooking; people were coming over.

"(Y/N), honey, Chris, Victoria, and Allison are coming over tonight. So, go do a quick workout and come back to get ready." I nodded and ran to my room to change into workout clothes.

My routine would normally consist of waking up, working out, go to school for a dreading eight hours, come back home, workout again, do my homework, eat, and go to sleep. I lead a very monotonous life and it had been this way since I could remember. One of my earliest memories was of my father teaching me archery alongside Allison, a great distraction to our always disrupted home life. As I got older, my father started training me in boxing and knife maneuvering. How would these skills help me in life were still a mystery but I felt safe knowing them.

I got changed and decided to take Brody out with me on a quick jog through the woods. "Hey, boy, ready to go?"

He jumped on me which I took as a yes and started for the woods. We ran down the same trail I had been going on for the past three weeks. Mostly, I went down this track in hopes that Derek would make an appearance, and today was not the exception. As the ruins of his house came to view so did his tall figure.

"Trespassing again?"

"It doesn't count if I know the owner." During our greeting, Brody's leash slipped out of my hand and he ran to jump on Derek, leaving slobbering licks on his cheek. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it." He chuckled and helped me bring him down.

"I guess he likes you, even though he doesn't like anyone but me. Guess you're special."

"Maybe." He grinned.

Out of nowhere, I hit him in the shoulder. "What was that for?!"

"For trying to run me over with your shopping cart two days ago. It was uncalled for."

"No, it was revenge. You hit ME first. In the ankle."

"You're still on with that. Come on, sour wolf. That happened three weeks ago, and it was an accident."

"Whatever. Come on, I'll give you a ride home. It's getting kind of dark." This had also become part of my routine. After "bumping" into Derek he would offer to drop me off at my house, claiming it was for security.

"Okay, we're here. By the way, the offer to show you around town is still up. Just call me whenever." He said as he stopped the car in front of my house.

"Alright, will do, and thanks for the ride, Derek. I'd invite you in, but my family is coming over."

"No worries, maybe another time."

"It's a date. Anyways, thanks again. See you when I see you."

"Okay, goodnight."

"Night." He waited until I entered the house and drove away.

"Munchkin, is that you?" My father screamed from the kitchen.

"Yeah!" I screamed back.

"Okay, well, go take a shower and get ready your uncle will get here soon."

I hurried up the stairs and hopped in the shower letting the hot water stream down my body calming any aching muscle that was palpitating. In my room, I searched through my closet for an acceptable family dinner outfit, deciding a grey sweater and black jeans would be enough. I braided my hair out of my face and went downstairs to help my mother set the table.

After we put the last plate the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" I ran to the door and was greeted by my uncle. "Uncle Chris!" I jumped and he hugged me. There was no doubt that he was my favorite family member, his presence was always welcoming. His wife on the other hand was as cold as the winters we spent in New York. She was nice but absolutely scary. "Hi, Aunt Victoria."

"Hello, (Y/N)." I hugged her and said hi to Allison.

"Come in, guys." They walked in and I closed the door behind them.

"So, (Y/N), how have you been?" Uncle Chris asked while stuffing his mouth with mom's famous lasagna.

"I've been good. I mean, moving all the time takes a toll on you at first, but I got used to it. It's easy now to pack it all up once the school year ends."

"Oh, honey, that must be so hard on you," Victoria said. I could not read her tone, her words spoke in sympathetic notes with an underlying melody of sarcasm.  Not knowing what to answer, I bit my lip and nodded.

The whole evening was spent on us catching up and eating, laughing, playing games, but the good times came to an end when the clock hit 9:00 pm. It was stupid to set a curfew, but my mom usually had everyone in bed at this time, 10:30 as of late.

"You better come around the house more often." Uncle Chris demanded and hugged me.

"Yes, sir." I raised my hand to my eyebrow and saluted, as did he.

"Let's go, Chris. And thank you for the lovely dinner, Rebecca," Victoria said linking arms with my uncle and smiling at mom.

"No problem. Come by any time." They talked for a bit more and after they left, I went upstairs to change for bed.

"Momma, I'm gonna go to sleep."

"Okay, honey. Goodnight." I went upstairs, brushed my teeth, and put my hair in a ponytail.

Before bed, I made sure everything I would need for the next day was packed into my bag and made sure my alarm was set. I pulled all the throw pillows from my bed and set them aside, then making my way to the window to draw the curtains. Something caught my attention in the backyard, though. My eyes squinted trying to make out the figure in front of me. Blinking the confusion away, I made a double-take and looked back at an empty yard. I laughed to myself as I crept into bed. Why would Derek be in my backyard?

Next ->

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (June 6/2021) - Techno’s Visit

It’s time for Techno to visit Dream in prison. After saying some parting words to Phil, Techno goes to Pandora’s Vault for the first time...

Later, Quackity, Puffy, Bad, Skeppy and Michael tour around Las Nevadas for a fun chill stream, and Quackity recruits Michael as a worker to build in the city.

A brief summary of the week’s total events can be found at the end of the post.

---

VOD LINKS:

Technoblade

Ranboo

Captain Puffy

QuackityToo

Michaelmcchill

---

- Techno goes to speak with Phil before he visits Dream

- Phil gets a horrible canonical headache and Techno offers him a canonical aspirin

- Phil isn’t sure going to the prison is a good idea, as every time someone’s gone something bad's happened, but Dream saved Techno’s life. Also views

- Phil has his concerns, but Dream called in the favor. Techno thinks he should go and check on him anyways, even without Quackity. Dream’s been in there for five months

- Phil offers his help, but Techno doesn’t want Phil to take any risks paying off his debt

- But there is something Phil can do: Techno wrote a will. He throws a signed book to Phil. Phil asks how many days he should wait. Techno says it varies. The instructions are in the will

Techno: “I took a vow. Those who treat me with kindness see it repaid tenfold...I gotta honor that.”

- He rings the channel member bell

- Techno wonders if he can bring Steve, but probably not. He says goodbye to Phil and heads off for the prison

- He makes it to the prison entrance and says hello to Sam, who welcomes him through the portal

- Techno says he’s come to visit Dream, but Sam says he’s not allowing people to visit right now. Techno throws Sam a book:

---

FIELD TRIP SLIP

---

Sam. Technoblade will be paying Dream a visit. This is business related. Let it happen.

It’s also tax write off :)

- Quackity

---

- Techno reads the waiver aloud and signs it “Techno Blade”

- Sam then asks the questions:

“When is the last time you visited the prison?”

“I have not visited the prison before”

“Where is your place of residence currently located?”

“I live in like this cabin in the north, it’s pretty chill.”

“Do you believe that the prisoner is deserving of being locked up?”

“I’m gonna be honest, I have no idea why he’s in there, so...”

“Are you saying no?”

“I’m not saying, like, yes or no, I don’t really -- I’m not really up to date on the news recently, if I’m being honest.”

“What are your prior relations with the prisoner?”

“Yeah, we’ve been business associates I’d say, in the past, you know. I wouldn’t say I’m like friends with him, honestly -- he’s kinda sus...I’m not gonna lie, it does not surprise me at all that he ended up in a jail, ‘cause that guy -- he’s a little weird sometimes, you know. A little strange...So you know, it’s, eh...it’s up and down.”

- Sam gets to the last question, telling Techno he’s the ultimate authority on the grounds of the prison

Techno: “Oh I love authority, everyone can tell you that.”

- Techno goes to store his belongings in the locker. There’s a bed in an item frame now which he uses to set his spawn. Techno opens up his Ender Chest and stores all of his armor and weapons in it

- Having run out of space in the Ender Chest, Techno puts his remaining items in the locker chest: Potions, gapples, golden carrots, an Ender Chest, Ender Pearls and a stack of stone

Techno: “Well. You know, you seem like a trustworthy man.”

- They go through the security protocol. There’s a new Ender Pearl stasis chamber in the first room that wasn’t there before. Techno zooms in on it before it activates, teleporting Sam in

- Techno’s impressed with the prison’s design. He gets Sam to open the vault door a second time to admire it

- Techno signs the next waivers “sub to techno” as “Technoblade (subscribe to technoblade”

- Techno praises Sam’s creativity with the prison, comparing it to the Butcher Army’s simple execution platform

- The lava wall comes down. Dream isn’t facing them

- Techno walks with the moving platform to the cell. The second Dream sees him, he starts shouting

Techno: “Yo, Dream! Dream, what’s up!”

Dream: “TECHNO NO! NO!”

Techno: “No what?”

Dream: “QUACKITY -- it’s a trap! It’s a trap! Techno--”

Techno: “What about Quackity? Dream, you need to -- I haven’t seen you in a long time, Dream.”

Dream: “(muffled) Techno...He’s been torturing me I gotta -- I didn’t write that note.”

...

Techno: “I’m not gonna lie to you, Dream, I -- I kinda had a feelin’ he was lying, but I kinda had to visit anyways, just to see how you were doing, get to the truth of things, you know? You know? And besides, Quackity’s not even here, man.”

Dream: “...Why did you come?”

Techno: “I wanted to see you! I need to figure out what’s going on here, Dream, and between you and me, I’m an anarchist, so uh -- (looking to Sam) Can he hear me at this volume?”

Dream: “They’re working together...”

Techno: “Who?”

Dream: “Sam and Quackity!”

- Techno asks Dream to tell him everything. Neither the lava wall nor the Netherite barrier have lowered yet

- Techno looks back at Sam, asking how long he has to be in there for

Sam: “I think you could do with a nice long stay with Dream...you’re probably the main threat to uh -- to Dream escaping, aren’t you, ‘cause you know, the two of you have worked together before, and...”

Techno: “I...would never defy authority, alright. I. Love. Authority.”

Sam: “I think we both know that’s probably not true--”

Techno: “Everybody will tell you how much Technoblade loves authority figures.”

- Sam refuses to send the bridge back, saying the two of them will have some catching up to do. He sends the lava wall down

Techno: “Sam, this is NOT DOING MUCH TO CHANGE MY POLITICAL OPINIONS!”

(Dream freaks out in the background)

Techno: “...Alright. Well that was nice.”

- Dream panics. Techno tells him it’s fine, that they’re not out of options

Dream: “I have been in here for six months! What do you mean we’re not out of options, it’s fine -- how?!”

Techno: “Well I mean, maybe you’re out of options, but like I actually have friends now. I know I was kinda like a loser when we first met...”

- He finds the books and quills and tells Dream to write down everything he knows about the prison

Techno: “So...hows it goin’, roommate?”

Dream: (quietly) “Oh my god...”

- Techno seems optimistic about the new experience. Dream tells him he used to have a clock as Techno examines the cell

- Techno tells Dream to get to writing and ends stream

- Ranboo goes back home and is confused by how much the trees have grown. He thinks Phil probably has something to do with it and that he knows something, even though Phil isn’t doing it himself

- He then goes mining

- Quackity does a chill stream on the SMP working on the roads of Las Nevadas while chatting about lore out of character

- He walks down the Prime Path when he gets suddenly jumped by Skeppy and Bad, who attack him together. Quackity threatens to blow up their house

- Captain Puffy joins the fray and stops them

- Quackity offers Puffy and Michael a tour of his country

- He goes eating at McPuffy’s and Michael comes over to give him food as well

- There’s a hostile takeover of McPuffy’s and Bad declares it McSkeppy’s now. Quackity takes the drive-through instead

- Quackity orders a BTS meal and Bad hands him a steak “with extra cruelty”

- He starts walking them all over to his country, asking them what their expectations are (Quackity talking to Bad at this point is non-canonical) Skeppy wants a lot of ducks

- Quackity falls into the Punzo Chunk

- He tells them that his country isn’t even near done, and he’s going to need a lot of cheap labor. Skeppy says it doesn’t sound very enticing, but Quackity says he’ll give him all the ducks he’d want. 

- Michael tells him about his experience with 2b2t

- Quackity shows him the concept of “the house always wins” (a picture of “Finding Doryto”)

- Quackity kills Skeppy and Skeppy logs off. Bad is horrified. Quackity tells Bad it isn’t his fault that Skeppy is dead as Bad buries Skeppy’s dropped things beneath the ground under the Needle

- Quackity shows the remaining people to the gambling machine, teaching them how it works

- Afterwards, he takes them to the strip club and starts stripping at the pole

- He takes Michael into the back, where he tries to mug Michael for his things. But Michael runs out the back door

- Quackity goes back to stripping and offers Bad to go into the back room for a “surprise.” He tries to mug Bad, but Bad goes running out the back door

- He returns to Puffy, defeated, and half-heartedly promises her a surprise in the back room too. Puffy, not at all suspicious, follows him and he tries to mug her. She gives him ink sacs, slabs, Ender Pearls and shears. 

He shows her out the back door

- Afterwards, Quackity takes the three of them to the Tommyinnit Restaurant 

- Then they go to the stage and Quackity puts on a “show” for them...

...Which is more stripping 

- Next up is the hotel. There’s nothing in it, so he takes them to the pool outside. Bad almost drowns

- He wants to show them “something embarrassing,” so he brings them to Tommy and Wilbur’s headquarters

- Quackity then shows them the Eiffel Tower to conclude the country tour and they argue about a trident

- He suggests Michael and Puffy possibly build some structures around Las Nevadas and gathers them at the Needle. He shows Michael the empty plot next to Fundy’s area and says he needs something put there in return for some free spins at the casino. Michael’s down for that

- Quackity tells Puffy and Bad to help Michael build there. Bad asks how much he’s getting paid, and Quackity says he gets free spins at the casino too. Bad and Puffy start arguing again and Quackity leaves, having gained a new worker

- Bad and Puffy continue to argue about the trident 

- Later, Michael builds a statue in Las Nevadas

END OF WEEK RECAP:

5/31 - Wilbur and Tommy visit Las Nevadas

6/1 - Ponk tears down a tower of L’Llamaburg, Tubbo builds an outpost, Techno’s birthday party, Quackity speaks with Foolish about Las Nevadas, Niki finds out about Wilbur’s revival, Bad and Puffy destroy the supreme fridge in an act of war

6/2 - Fundy speedruns self-care, Antfrost confronts Foolish, Bad and Puffy to apologize

6/3 - Nothing much happens.

6/4 - Ponk decides to sue Puffy and Bad, Pubbo

6/5 - Nothing much happens.

6/6 - Techno gets trapped in prison, Quackity tours Bad, Puffy, Skeppy and Michael around Las Nevadas

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Upcoming Events:

- The final Egg lore stream

- Tales From the SMP: “Space Race”

- Ponk’s lore stream

- Dream’s lore video

[hes-writer]

Favourite (2)

Summary: harry loves one of his children less

Warnings: angst

Word Count: 1804 words

A/N: y’all know I’ve been feeling sensitive about posting this piece so if you have any comments BE NICE BE NICE BE NICE 🥺

Part 1

___

The events from the previous weeks rattled the Styles’ household. Caleb woke to a tense morning the next morning where his dad was nowhere to be seen and Beatrice was holed up in her room. Dinner was even more awkward when silence draped over their backs like a cold blanket. Y/N tried her best to continue a dwindling conversation but there was only so much she could say until Beatrice’s silence towards Harry’s questions started to suggest that she didn’t want to speak to her dad. The youngest daughter, Ruby, seemed to be the holy grail of each family dinner when she babbled about her day in pre-school.

Beatrice was set to leave home in exactly two days. Y/N could feel a sense of pride seeing her eldest leave the family home, setting off to university and becoming her own person. Y/N knew that Beatrice had a difficult time separating Beatrice, Harry Styles’ daughter, to just Beatrice. Y/N looked back to when Beatrice was younger--an unexpected surprise that she learned to love when she felt the first symptoms of morning sickness--how she was bound to change her and Harry’s life forever. 

___

Y/N wasn’t sure if her brain blocked out the memories of Harry being hostile to their first child until recently; maybe it was a denial that there was no way Harry could blatantly show anything less than love for their child. But the more Y/N thought about Beatrice’s birthdays, recitals and school events; all she could see notice now was Harry’s distanced posture. His distraction when Beatrice performed on stage, the excuses when she had a dance recital, and unenthusiastic greeting of ‘happy birthday’. 

Harry leaned his shoulder against the door frame of the barren room, observing the bed and bedside table as it was stripped bare of the flower-printed sheets, watching his wife flip through the photo album filled with Beatrice’s accomplishments. The parents could not help but let a wave of nostalgia wash over them. The lamp on the bedside table lit the entire room. The fairy lights that were hung on her wall were taken down a few days ago; one of the items that Beatrice packed last. 

“She asked me to help her put the lights up,” Harry whispered, tracing his fingers over the cream walls, walking over to where Y/N sat on the mattress. “I told her I was busy and she did it by herself,”

Y/N sighed, lifting her head to direct Harry to the spot beside her, “I know,” She sunk with Harry’s weight at her side, his slouched shoulders further emphasizing his despondent mood. “We raised a good done, hm?”

Harry shook his head in disappointment, “No..not me,” His chest ached with missed opportunities to bond with his daughter; all because he couldn’t get over the fact that she came as a surprise. He was at the peak of his career and he wasn’t too glad that he was forced to push everything back--his album release, promo, and tour--to the next year all because of a child that he didn’t even plan on having in the first place. 

In retrospect, Harry should have known better. He should have reacted like a mature adult, a father-to-be and became an actual dad to Beatrice instead of holding a grudge to an innocent little baby. He still had a successful career that he always dreamed of but he can never turn back time for all the shortcomings he had with his child. 

Harry felt extremely guilty for missing Beatrice’s childhood, so he tried to compensate for the guilt looming over him by presenting his younger children the type of love that he failed to give her. How daft was he to not notice his actions would only push her away from him? That, to Beatrice, it was Harry’s way of highlighting the fact that he would never accept the way she was conceived? 

“What’s this?” Harry mused, tilting his jaw on where her hand rested to keep the page bookmarked. 

“Jus’ some pictures over the years. Wanna see?”

Here Harry was, flicking the glossy pages of an old photo album, looking at a dopey-smiled Beatrice on her first day of kindergarten. Her hair was in pigtails done by Harry that morning because Y/N had an early day at work. She was saddened that she couldn’t go but Harry reassured her that he will be there every step of the way. It was a half-lie. Harry dropped her off, took a quick picture and left the premises as soon as he could, missing the way his daughter’s eyes glazed over. Lips formed a pout and her tiny chin quivered as she watched her dad drive off in his black Range Rover.

The next photo was 7-year old Beatrice in her pink long sleeve and a wispy tutu wrapped around her waist. Her hair was pulled back in a ballerina bun; this time was done by Y/N if the slickness of her hairstyle was anything to go by. The left page was of Beatrice on the sidelines of the auditorium. The room was partially filled. Harry concluded that it was before the performance because of the dimple printed on her cheek since the right page showcased a sullen girl surrounded by her dance mates and their parents. Harry could remember Y/N’s frantic phone calls that night, asking ‘where are you?’ and ‘what time are you getting here?’ as the faint music blared through the speakers. 

Harry gulped at the memory. He came home to find Beatrice asleep in her costume, a plastic tiara gripped in her hand. Y/N said that she wanted to give it to him. Beatrice could at least give him something from her performance because he didn’t make it.

__

Y/N’s phone buzzed in her pocket, halting Harry’s thoughts as she answered the call. She pointed towards the door, mouthing silently that she had to answer it. “It’s Beatrice,”

Harry’s brows perched on his forehead, nervousness filled his body at the sound of her name. He didn’t even make things right before she left; too afraid of rejection when he deserved it. 

His fingers flicked through the pages. Beatrice’s piano recital. 

She was fourteen at that time. Caleb was sat on the seat next to him while Ruby was being nursed in Y/N’s arms. Beatrice peeked through the curtains, wanting to make sure that her dad was planted in his seat. She was excited to showcase the skills she learned in the past year. She was hoping to impress Harry in musical terms when she won first place. Beatrice was sure of it! She practiced for long hours until her fingers were stiff from overuse. Her other tries to catch her dad’s attention garnered her little-to-no attention and this was her last idea. 

Y/N gave her daughter a thumbs up as Beatrice walked towards the grand piano center stage. 

Beatrice was in the middle of her piece when she heard her Caleb’s curious voice over the silent crowd, “Dad, where are you going?”

She looked up just in time to catch Harry’s emotionless eyes. His expression was painted in annoyance and his phone was clutched in his hand. Beatrice’s fingers jittered with a shaky breath, feeling her fingertips trace over the wrong keys and eventually stopping altogether. The crowd gasped, murmurs flittering in and out of her ears as she stared at her lap. She tried to compose herself, maybe even pick up where she left off and continue playing as if she didn’t stop. The show must go on, right?

When Beatrice gathered enough courage to continue, she took a deep breath and lifted her head towards where her family sat. She was certain that her dad took his seat again but she could not be more wrong. Beatrice was just barely able to see Harry’s blazer flapping as the door closed shut behind him. 

__

“She ran off stage after that,” Caleb spoke from beside him. “Didn’t want mum around. She kept asking for you but you left or something,”

Harry closed his eyes tightly, tears dripping from the corners as he breathed out a sigh. He did. He left the building as soon as he could. The urgent phone call he received was from Jeff relaying that the media claimed to have found where his kids went to school. He couldn’t jeopardize their safety because of people wanting to meet him; because of him. There was no way he would let anything hurt his children. 

“I know I haven’t been the best dad to your sister,” Harry shut the book softly, wrapping his arm around Caleb’s broad shoulders. “But I really do love her,”

Caleb’s curls tickled his ears as he nodded, “She knows,”

Harry’s eyes widened in surprise, “Really?”

“Yeah. Before she left, she was talking about everything she was gonna miss. She said she was going to miss you, even if you, and I quote, ‘might not miss her’,” Caleb formed his fingers into bunny ears.

Harry desperately wished that he was brave enough to fix his mistakes. A simple, wholehearted talk with Beatrice might’ve been all he needed to start mending his relationship with her. But he stood back like a coward; hiding from his own daughter because of an irrational fear of rejection. Instead, he walked by her room, door left wide open as Beatrice gathered clothes from her closet to pack in the next box. Each time he would pass by the hallway to his and Y/N’s room, more of her items would be packed up, taped and ready to go. Packed boxes slowly filled the hallway and her closet emptied as her clothing was folded in an organized manner.

First, it was her desk. Her pens and notebooks leaving the cluttered space empty. Then, it was her hangers stripped off her dresses, jackets and coats. Her shoes were the next to go, leaving more space in the downstairs closet by the door until only one pair remained unpacked; the one she used to walk out of their house. Next, it was her dresser packed with moisturizers and makeup closed tightly to prevent spillage. Beatrice peeled off her duvet and bedsheets to wash the night before she left, opting to sleep next to Ruby on her final night at home. 

One image that he kept reeling in his head like a film projector was Beatrice climbing the metal steps of the ladder from the garage. She placed it sturdy on the floor before she stretched her hands to unhook the fairy lights from the wall. Unlike before where Beatrice knocked on his office door, hesitantly asking for help to put up the fairy lights--she didn’t ask for Harry’s help taking it down. 

___

A/N: I know that a lot of people might've wanted a full circle ending where Harry apologizes but I'm pretty happy with this ending because it's open-ended. 

___

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[bbugyu]

if you wanted to go to the moon, he would take you there.

plot twist | crash zoom | happy ending

16.1k (lol) | joshua x afab enby!reader, fluff, humor, suggestive, reader is ace lol, youtuber au, chef au, swearing, drinking, detailed descriptions of meals, mentions of past trauma including sexual assault, i swear it's not that deep, lots of implied sex but none on screen (yet), watching movies and playing video games, yes i am trying to set up all my friends, would anyone get it if i said r&r

welcome to part two of classic!! please enjoy this tooth rotting relationship garbo in which i basically announce to the world that i have a disgusting crush on joshua. posting this later than intended but i started working five tens so i'm 😅 a little tired lol. but joshua makes it ok <3

when you mentioned offhandedly that you had never had bibimbap in jeonju, joshua practically dropped the groceries he was helping you bring up the elevator.

"how long have you been in korea?" he asked.

you looked at him, wide eyed. "four years?"

he squinted at you, jutting his jaw out. "and you've never gone to jeonju? it's, like, the food hub of korea. how the hell?"

"i…" you laughed, exiting the elevator when the doors opened. "i don't know? it's never been top priority, i guess?"

"okay, well it is now," he stated plainly, following you to your door while you adjusted your bags in your hands to punch in the code. as soon as the groceries were safely on your counter, he pulled out his phone. "friday to sunday?"

you looked up from the vegetables in your hands. "what?"

he looked at you. "we're going. this weekend? i need to reserve the ktx tickets."

you laughed. "this weekend? joshua, it's wednesday."

"okay, next weekend?"

you stared at him a second, purely because you were in disbelief. "no, i have a demonstration next saturday."

he exhaled, looking at the calendar on his phone. "okay, and jamie's birthday party is the weekend after, so," he paused, looking at you through his lashes. "this weekend?"

you pushed your hands onto the counter and sighed heavily. "when would we leave?"

he grinned, knowing that meant he had won you over. "after i get off work? i can be here by 3:30."

"how long is the train?"

"uhh," he quickly searched for the tickets. "two hours. less than. we can buy snacks for the ride and have dinner when we get there."

you chewed your lip. "i have to edit on sunday, so we can't stay all day."

he nodded, inspecting the time table for tickets. "stay two nights, leave after breakfast?"

you considered that for a second. "i could bring my laptop and export footage on the train."

a smile crept across his face when you puffed out your cheeks in thought. "is that a yes?"

your cheeks deflated as you exhaled. "fine."

"yeah?" joshua grinned at you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and tugging you into his chest. "jeonju this weekend?"

you exhaled again, your arms reluctantly winding around his torso. "yeah. jeonju this weekend."

"you're gonna love it," he said, pressing his lips against your temple. "i helped on an article about hole in the wall finds there years ago, so i know all the good spots."

you giggled, pulling away to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. "you used to write for the magazine?"

he shook his head at you. "when i was interning."

"aw," you poked at his cheek. "intern joshie?"

he rolled his eyes, separating himself from you as you giggled, and he looked at you slyly from the corner of his eye. "joshie?"

you grinned, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. "joshie!"

he laughed and batted away your hands. "joshie?"

you: i think i'm finally packed

joshie: i don't understand why it was so difficult when we're going for Two Days.

you: 😡

joshie: 😘

as promised, he arrived at your apartment in a cab and stubbornly took your roller suitcase despite your insistence that you could handle it. joshua was always doing things like this - for you, you imagined, he would probably even lay down his jacket in a puddle so you wouldn't have to walk through it. but at the same time, he wouldn't fault you for kicking his jacket aside and purposefully jumping in it instead. he would probably join you, even.

he had joked with you that this would be like a work trip for you, but only because he was the one that suggested you film - plus, he reminded you, filming a full video this weekend meant that you didn't have to film next week. and to be perfectly frank, you wanted the break. if you could have a weekend getaway with joshua and then a week long break to have a normal routine without a camera, it was a win-win.

equipped with coffee and cafe sandwiches, you casually kicked your feet and happily sipped at your americano as you edited a picture of it for your instagram story. joshua sat beside you, also doing something on his phone, and you watched him with no intention as he pulled his airpods out of his coat jacket and offered one to you. you looked at him, smiling when he gestured with the open case again.

"i made a playlist," he said quietly as you put the airpod into your ear. he took the one you left and did the same, tapping on his phone.

the thought of joshua hearing a song and thinking of you making your chest flutter to life, the heat rising through you until you were left in a comfortable glow, smiling softly at him as a melody started in your ear. he looked back at you, double taking slightly when he realized you were looking at him.

"what's that look for?" he asked, a sideways grin breaking his face in half.

you shook your head, unable to change your face. "that's, just... really nice."

"making a playlist?" he hummed, settling back in his seat as you stuck your straw between your lips. "i didn't consciously do it. i just started a list of songs to show you because i thought you would like them, and this ended up being a good time to share it."

you sighed dramatically, falling back against the window of the train. "that's even nicer, you dickhead!" he laughed, shushing you and looking around, worried someone might have understood your slightly-above-inside-voice exclamation. "i know for a fact i didn't do anything to deserve the sweetest, handsomest, loveliest boyfriend on the planet, so what's the catch, mr. hong?"

his eyes went to the ceiling as he thought, kneading his lips once before saying, "i think you forgot funniest, too."

"ah," you said, a dry chuckle following the realization. "that's the catch."

"hey!" he laughed, eyes big as he pretended to be offended. "i know i'm funny!"

you giggled with him, mentally noting that you liked the song that he was playing. that he must have somehow picked up on why you liked the music you did. you thought about how you had the same thought, sometimes, when you were listening to music alone in your room and a song popped up on your discovery that sounded like something he would listen to. how you would immediately text them to him, knowing you would forget if you didn't send it right away, and he would react with some assortment of positive emojis. how he must have been doing the same thing, but wanted to be there when you heard them, and didn't have the same flighty memory as you. you brought your straw to your lips again, staring after him as he adjusted something in his bag, taking too long to refocus your attention to story you had been trying to post.

he later nudged you, getting your attention as you responded to an email on your phone, gesturing his finger with the melody, and you gave him a childlike look of awe, as if to tell him that yes, you agreed, this was exactly the kind of run you really enjoyed. he pounded a fist against his knee at the beats, pointing up at the key change, and you exploded into a stifled laugh, your palm covering your mouth. he laughed with you before he showed you the now playing page on his phone, holding it open dutifully as you quickly searched for it to add to your own library.

as promised, joshua provided great insight for the food tour the two of you set out on. travel day, he had told you, meant that you would have something easy - bibimbap and makgeolli at two of the best places he knew, apparently. by the time you made it back to the hotel room you had checked into before headed to the bar, you just about collapsed onto the queen bed.

"i'm so full," you exhaled, eyes dancing across the ceiling. "i'm never gonna move again."

joshua just laughed at you, toeing both of your shoes aside at the door before shuffling into slippers. "we have a full day of eating tomorrow, so you better move."

you let our a breathy laugh, rolling your head to watch as he flopped onto the bed beside you. "i'm glad you also plan trips around the meals."

he gave you a puzzled look. "is there another way to plan a trip?"

you rolled onto your side, tucking your arm under your head to look at him. "some people like sightseeing. or activities."

his brows were still ruffled in confusion as he looked away from you. "i like looking at food. and the activity of eating food."

you giggled, and his face finally broke to reveal the bewilderment had been a bit all along, his smiling laugh meeting yours.

you walked a lot the next day, and you were grateful for the light exercise to help your digestion a bit between meals. the local famous kalguksu for breakfast, a visit to a cafe for coffee before walking down a historical street together. you filmed with a smile on your face, shaking your americano for camera with a colorful background, just for you to pull down the drink and let the beautiful buildings and trees take the focus.

joshua could watch you forever, he was pretty sure. watching you conceptualise what you wanted this out of the ordinary video to look like, seeing the way you managed to be present with him, joking and giggling on your scenic walk, but squeezed his hand in warning before letting go, telling him quietly you wanted to get a shot. he had seen the way you filmed food, and how you filmed your kitchen, which was incredible in its own right, but this was the first time he got to see your process on the fly. when you went to work, as it were, taking in your scenery and deciding the way you wanted to portray it - more thought went into this than filming at the same barbeque restaurant for the fifth time, but joshua saw the similarities in the way your eyes twinkled when you saw something through your camera lens for the first time, even if only the first time that day. the way you would review the footage quickly, smiling at the way it turned out, but announcing that you were taking a second shot for safety.

then, he took you to another restaurant.

you barely noticed the passage of time, but when he conveniently "happened" upon the next stop on your food tour, you were pretty sure your stomach growled at the thought of eating an insane amount of dumplings, and you smiled at him in a way that made him want to cause it constantly.

if having your pick at dumplings was enough to make you giddy like a child, the night market was life altering. the food stalls were set up like they always were friday and saturday nights, joshua told you, and that meant you got to experience korean street food in a way you hadn't yet. you found the best pad thai you had ever eaten, succumbed to the tempting smell of grilled squid when passing a busy stall, and you even got served alcohol practically in passing, the specialty liquor being offered in a way that was hard for either of you to say no to. after a few too many, you had to stop joshua before he dragged you to a choco pie stall.

"we should eat more first," you said, gesturing to a woman making hashbrowns on a griddle. "while we have free hands. loop back around for dessert and buy some for the road."

joshua tapped his nose, then wagged his finger at you. "smart and hot."

you laughed, pulling him towards the hashbrown stall.

that night, you laid in bed beside each other, talking like you hadn't just spent literally the entire day together. recalling highlights of the day, sharing related anecdotes with assorted friends and family. you didn't even want to sleep - your body did, sure, clearly, by the way it kept interrupting your conversation with yawns. joshua would laugh, then yawn in response, and tell you that you should sleep. you would shake your head, a pout on your lips, and he would just smile and keep talking about whatever the yawn had interrupted.

being in bed with joshua wasn't demanding, nor was it uncomfortable, and you were pretty sure that meant something good.

you were making curry. he had mentioned that it looked good while you were watching some show the week prior and you couldn't get it out of your head. so, even though it was midsummer and far too warm for something as hearty as japanese curry, you decided you needed to make it anyway, if only for your own peace of mind. you invited joshua over to cook dinner for him, and he asked where your camera was when he arrived with your requested potatoes (you had some, except they were older than you thought and started sprouting), but you told him you weren't filming tonight.

"this ones for us," you said matter of factly, giggling when he looked shocked. "i don't film every meal, y'know. sometimes i cook things just for me."

he watched you dump the potatoes into the sink to wash. "what if it ends up being really pretty?"

"josh," you said, looking at him. "i don't make things that aren't pretty."

he asked if you needed help with anything, but you just shook your head and told him to relax. that you had made this a million times, and that you could do it with your eyes closed. he asked again if you were sure, and you laughed, scrubbing potatoes and using your shoulder to get your hair out of your face.

"actually," you said, raising the wrist on which you kept a hair tie. "do you know how? my hands are wet."

joshua smiled and nodded, coming over and pulling the tie off your wrist, careful to not get it too wet on your hand. "how high?"

"ariana," you said, making him laugh as you giggled. "as high as you can manage, but i don't really care."

he just smiled, taking your hair in his hands as you washed the potatoes one by one, and you tried to ignore the way you heart skipped a beat when you felt his touch drift across the back of your neck. he gently gathered it all in one palm at the crown of your skull, brushing through it with his fingers. "here?"

"perfect," you said, chewing your cheek and smiling. he pulled the band over your hair, tying it off tightly and pulled at the hair gently to keep it in place.

his hands glided over your waist, leading his arms to wrap around you as his chin landed on your shoulder. "not too tight?"

you shook your head, smiling. "you're multi talented."

"i have a sister," he reminded you, then put a kiss on your cheek.

you managed to convince him to sit at the counter, and he smiled and laughed with you as you conversed about anything that came to mind. he talked about his latest work antics, and you told him about a café you found the day before that you really enjoyed. he watched you skillfully chop vegetables and prepare chicken, flitting around your kitchen with a familiarity that could only be fostered by time. he glanced at the time on his phone, then looked at the door behind him that led to a bedroom.

"is karol here?" he asked. she normally would have emerged to say hi by now.

you looked at him before going back to pan frying the chicken. "no, she's in busan this weekend with some friends. she'll be back sunday night."

an alarm went off in joshua's head, and he tried not to think too deeply about the fact that you had invited him over while your roommate was away. sex hadn't even been a discussion on the table yet, but not because joshua didn't want it - because, frankly, he wanted it - he was just more concerned about you and your wants. for most things, he felt as though he had learned your thoughts and opinions naturally over the last few months, but outside of a few passing jokes, you hadn't ever mentioned how you felt about sex in general, much less sex with him.

so he stared at you, suddenly unable to ignore the fact that you were wearing shorts because of the weather, but they were hidden under the hem of the neutral toned apron he saw in your videos every week. or the way you smiled at him as you talked, your eyes glinting with mischief when you made a joke at his expense, but only made him laugh and want you more. he stood and came around the island, standing with his hip against the counter as the two of you continued conversing and you added the roux cubes to the pot.

his eyes never left you or your actions, and you noticed the way he inched towards you as your cooking became less involved and began to wrap up. you didn't argue when he put his arms around you again, watching you stir the curry with his cheek against your ear. he wasn't in your way, not even when you reached over to pull a spoon out of a drawer to give it a taste and make sure the seasonings were right, so you instead just enjoyed his presence.

you hummed, licking your lips briefly as you appraised the flavor. "not bad," you said, using the ladle you had been cooking with to pour more into the spoon you had just used to taste. you blew on it, then displayed it for joshua, who looked at you in his peripherals before accepting the bite.

"oh, wow," he said, making you giggle as you put the spoon aside. "that's better than a restaurant."

"thanks," you said, tapping the ladle on the side of pot to get the excess back in the pot, a spot of sauce landing on the back of your hand. you put it on the spoon rest next to your stovetop and replaced the lid on the pot of curry, quickly turning the burner to low. "now we just wait for the rice to pop," you said, spinning in his grip and licking the spot off the back of your hand.

joshua stared at you, desperately wishing in that moment that he wasn't such a damn man, because it was clear in your eyes that it was a completely innocent action. you got some of the delicious sauce on your hand, so why would you wipe it off when a towel wouldn't appreciate it like your tongue would? you wouldn't, obviously. he wouldn't have, either, if it had been his hand. but here he was, gaze fixed on your mouth as you pulled your hand away from it, and one of your eyebrows raised when you noticed.

"can i help you?" you asked, glancing down at his lips when he involuntarily leaned into you.

"i-" he swallowed. "sorry, i'm just-"

in that moment, you registered what his gaze meant. and while you were fairly oblivious to most things, you were far from innocent, so you put your arms over his shoulders and knit your fingers in his hair. "you're just?" you prompted.

there was a chuckle on his lips as he backed you against the counter, and he shook his head lightly. "i just think it's insane how into you i am."

joshua had this way of kissing you that made you think his life depended on it. he kissed you like you were in the final scene of an apocalyptic movie and he had come to terms with the fact that this was the end. like he knew that if your lips left his, he would magically disappear before he could tell you how much you meant to him. like he could stop time as long as he had you pressed against him with his hand on your jaw, but the sun was setting and he wasn’t ready to say good night.

when he finally pulled away from you, you were trying to catch your breath as his hands ran down your waist, and you stared into his eyes. his lips were parted, and his fingers gripped at your hips in a way that you knew meant he wished there were less layers between your skin.

your mind raced, thinking quickly back to how long the two of you had been seeing each other. how long you had known that you were interested in keeping joshua around for the long term. you wracked your brain, thinking about when people normally took the next step at your age, finding a discrepancy in the timing. you had made him wait for so long, but this was the first time you had noticed him trying to bed you - though, this was hardly subtle, so perhaps you had missed signs earlier? hell, the two of you had even shared a bed at this point, but you were pretty sure he hadn't tried anything then, either. you considered the fact that this relationship had gone for over two months without so much as a hint to take the next logical step, and you decided that joshua was definitely the only guy you had met in years that you would be willing to allow under your covers.

"the curry can sit for," you started, blinking rapidly as your mouth caught up to your mind. you swallowed once. "well, until tomorrow, technically, but-"

joshua's lip quirked upward. "did you invite me over to have me stay the night?"

"not-" you exhaled. his tone was slightly accusatory, but only playfully, and you found yourself more flustered by the question than you would have liked. "not consciously, but…" your eyes studied his face. "do you want to?"

"are you kidding?" he asked, making you breathe out a laugh, his forehead landing on yours. "did you not hear me when i said i was insanely into you?"

the rice cooker beeped, drawing both of your attention as it sang out a small tune to alert you it was finished. you looked at joshua. "are you hungry?"

he looked back at you, a smile sneaking on his lips. "i mean, working up an appetite wouldn't hurt, right?"

he let you lead him to your bedroom, which he had only been in once, briefly, when he had helped you put some lights away. the two of you admittedly spent most of your time in kitchens or restaurants, the remainder of your alone time being split between joshua's car and a couch to watch a movie, but joshua thought your taste suited his as he glanced around again, and that he would happily lose time in bedrooms with you. you kissed him again, and he was quick to pull you against his body, leaning into you, making you giggle as you bent backwards at the hips. "josh."

"what?" he asked, giving you a half lidded smile as his hand found your jaw, pulling you back into him. "stop leaning back and i'll stop chasing you."

"i'm-" you giggled into the kiss he interrupted you with. "i'm not leaning back, you're pushing me."

joshua made you feel like you were out of your depth, but in a way that was more exciting than scary. it had been ages since someone had been able to surprise you, or had helped you surprise yourself, but today he was doing both. the last time you had let a man into your heart, it had been less than perfect, especially towards the end, but joshua felt like home. cozy. he made you feel safe. like he wouldn't let you fall backwards unless your mattress was waiting for you.

and when you fell, he crawled over you, connecting your lips again with a hand against your jaw, the other holding himself above you, and you tried to restrain a whine.

"josh," you said suddenly, pushing on his chest lightly, processing fully what was about to happen and a shot of anxiety running through your chest. "c-can i tell you something first?"

joshua paused his motions, studying your eyes, his expression skewing scared. "oh, shit, are you a virgin?"

"what?" your eyebrows creased, a laugh on your lips. "no, what the fuck, josh? i'm in my mid-twenties."

he blinked at you. "there would be nothing wrong with you if you were a virgin in your mid-twenties."

"i'm not a virgin, joshua."

"right," he shook his head slightly. "sorry, i don't know. what were you saying?"

you chewed at your cheek nervously. "i just. i haven't… been with a guy in a really long time."

his eyes examined your face, looking for a hint at what you meant, because if it was only what you were saying, he didn't understand why you were so worried. "okay?"

"like, really long," you reiterated.

"baby, i promise," he said, forehead against yours. "i promise you, i don't care."

you exhaled sharply, wishing you could just enjoy things normal people did. that you knew what people wanted out of these encounters innately, instead of having to overthink them. "like, i don't want to… i don't know. disappoint you."

"disappoint me?" his head bobbed backwards in shock. "how the hell could i ever be disappointed when you're you?"

your eyes shut, grateful that he could still make you smile when you felt so out of your league. "i just mean that i-" you paused, trying to figure out how much you were willing to say, and how much you could without ruining whatever mood had been fostered here. "i just don't really do this. like, i feel like i don't know how."

"baby," he said, pressing his lips to yours briefly. "honey, sweetie, darling," he continued, punctuating each name with quick pecks. "you could starfish and i would have the time of my life."

you laughed, a hand landing on his shoulder sharply as he smiled at you. "okay, i'm not that bad, jesus."

"i'm telling you," he assured. "i don't care. i don't care if it's been months or years or forever, i don't care." he paused, appraising your expression. "we don't have to do anything. i'd be happy to just kiss you for an hour and a half if you're not ready."

"no," you whined, crinkling your nose. "it's not that, i just…" you took a breath. "i might just need you to take it a little slow."

"well, baby, you're in luck," he said, giving you a teasing smirk as his lips closed in on yours again. "slow and steady is exactly how i want you."

karol had said you hated men. she hadn't been wrong. you hated a lot of men, and how they made you feel like a prisoner in your own body. you hated the men you had encountered in your past, who made you feel small and weak. ugly and only wanted for one purpose, disrespecting your boundaries, your presentation, and your being. you hated those men, and nothing would ever redeem them for you.

joshua was different, though. he wasn't like them, because even though you didn't say explicitly why you needed a little extra care, he was more than prepared to give it to you. without even needing specific direction, he paid special attention to your reactions. to your body. he waited until you were ready, and asking him for more. and even when he sheepishly admitted that he'd started carrying a condom in his wallet the month prior, you could only giggle and silently be overwhelmingly thankful that he was truly nothing like any man you had ever been with before.

you swore you had made the same recipe you always did, but your curry tasted sweeter than you remembered. maybe it was just that you were eating it in your underwear with a man that made you feel comfortable in your skin for the first time in forever, a home improvement show remaining unwatched on your tv as the two of you joked together.

joshua woke the next morning in your empty bed, and was only confused for a second as he looked around your white walls. he stretched once, then sat up, eyes meandering over your orange patterned rug (one he remembered describing as "groovy" when he had first seen it, which had made you laugh in that way he adored), then noticed your laptop had been turned on. it was saturday, he realized, and you were likely going to edit today so you wouldn't have to tomorrow. he decidedly did not peek, though he wanted to, and peeked out your bedroom door instead.

you were easy to find, standing in your kitchen with an oversized shirt on and your hair pulled out of your face as you formed rice balls. you looked up from your work, smiling when you saw him, placing the triangle of rice you had just made on the cutting board. "good morning!"

it was, he thought. it was a really good morning.

you teased him for hugging you in your kitchen while he was only wearing underwear, saying that he seemed to have made himself comfortable quickly. he just playfully ran his hands under your shirt, saying, well, what about you, then? making breakfast with no pants on?

"i live here," you said, giggling and using your hip to bump him away. "i pay rent. what do you do?"

his eyes darted away from yours as he thought. "sit still, look pretty?"

that made you laugh. "you are very pretty."

he grinned, taking the opportunity to pull you into his chest again. "you, too."

he looked at what you had made, noticing the pot on the stove for the first time.

"soybean paste soup," you said, reacting to his gaze, then pointed at the neat triangles of brown tinted rice in front of you. "mushroom riceballs, and i'm making tamagoyaki next."

joshua blinked at you after processing everything. "do you do this every morning?"

"not every morning," you giggled. "but i wanted to today."

weeks later, you were biting your pinky nail to oblivion as you scrolled through comments on the video you had posted earlier that morning. you were sitting on the couch in joshua's living room, your laptop perched on the arm and your boyfriend fixing something to eat before the two of you sat to watch a movie. you had made a risky move in your video - one you thought would have been fine, but clearly people read more into it than you expected. joshua came over for dinner earlier in the week, when you had made pasta with all the delicious fresh seafood the two of you had found at a market the day before, accompanied by a simple salad and white wine. karol was working late, so you had set some aside for her, but that meant it was just you and joshua in frame when you filmed your usual table setting shot.

people were speculating.

you knew it was inevitable, and a few comments had pointed out the man that had eaten sushi with you in the vlog that included your first date, but at this point, the comments were flooded with questions and hypotheses on who the mystery man could be. most assumed boyfriend - which, while true, made you feel slightly annoyed - and a few wondered if he was your brother, or close friend, but they all noticed that his hands and voice had become regular guest stars on your channel. that, while you still got meals with krys and karol, this nameless, faceless man sat opposite you more often than anyone else.

the jeonju vlog is what sparked the most comments. people suspected some amount of intimacy when they realized this guy was travelling with you, too, and you probably would have thought the same if it had been someone you watched regularly. you had been careful with the editing, only including clips with food and the scenery shots that didn't star him (while you had filmed a lot that did, those were just for your own personal record), but you supposed it was in peoples' nature to try and find a romantic plotline in your slice of life.

"josh?" you said suddenly, pulling your pinky from between your teeth. you heard his vague noise of acknowledgment and spun around on the couch to watch as he cocked his head at you from the kitchen. "should we go public?"

"uh," he paused, looking at the scallion pancake he was cooking, quickly grabbing the panhandle to flip it. "give me, like, two minutes and we can discuss? i'm almost done in here."

you puffed your cheeks out and nodded, turning back towards your computer. "okay, baby."

when joshua came into the living room, the spread he had quickly put together across a tray you had bought for him (because you wanted it, mostly, but karol would kill you if you brought more home), he put it on the coffee table and sat next to you, quickly addressing the subject again.

"people keep," you paused. his eyebrows raised, prompting you, but he only chewed on his bottom lip to let you take your time as you hugged your knees to your chest. "people keep assuming you're my boyfriend anyways, so i'm just thinking-" you exhaled sharply. "should we just say fuck it? just confirm that we're a couple?"

joshua studied you. "you've always been pretty private."

you chewed your cheek, putting your lips against your knees. "that's on purpose."

"you don't have to say anything you don't want to," he reminded you, rubbing a hand against your back. you put your chin on your knees and gave him your biggest doe eyes, making him smile. "they can speculate all they want, but you don't owe them an explanation."

you nodded lightly as you hugged your legs and looked around, briefly studying the tray joshua had brought over. he had quickly stirfried some vegetables, grilled the frozen pork belly slices he always kept on hand, and even cooked your favorite premade scallion pancakes, the spread complete with several side dishes you had made together earlier in the week and two bowls of rice. your brows knit together, fingers itching to film how neatly he had put together a light meal for the two of you because you had said you wanted to show him your favorite movie without interruption, and he knew you would be hungry soon.

"would you-" you cleared your throat, looking up from the food and finding his eyes. "what do you think i should do?"

he let out a breathy laugh. "does it matter? you'll do what you want anyways."

you whined, pushing his shoulder as your feet dropped from the couch. "i'm serious, your opinion matters here. would you be okay with being public?"

"you're joking, right?" he laughed, adjusting his posture, and grabbing your hand to folding it between his. "baby, you know i care about you, right?"

your lips pursed as you nodded, looking between his eyes shyly.

"and you know i would never try to say that i, like, own you, right? like, i don't claim ownership over you as a person."

you let out a short laugh. "right."

he held your hand tighter. "i want to tell every viewer of every single one of your videos that you are mine."

your cheek puffed out as you smiled. "really?"

"especially the reply guys, oh my gosh," he rolled his eyes, making you laugh. "there's a place i think you'd like! i could take you, smiley face. yeah, get lost, creep. move along."

your palm landed on your cheek as you laughed. "shut up, are you serious?"

"you don't see those?" his eyes wide when you shook your head. "baby, there's so many people trying to take you out in the comments. so many."

you giggled, pressing your lips together. "well, there's only one guy that gets to."

"that's right," joshua said, a proud look on his face. "the ultimate reply guy fanboy."

you pushed his chest, laughing again. "shut up."

you decided an faq would do, but in the style of your regular videos. you definitely didn't want to just sit down in front of your camera and talk through questions and answers - that wasn't your style, and would feel wrong uploading. so instead, you spent a few hours compiling questions you had been asked often and organized them in a way that made sense, planning on showing your daily life. questions like what camera you used, what your go-to quick breakfast is, where you bought the clothes you liked - it was easy to plan them out to create a vague storyline of your standard day. you woke up on a wednesday (a day you went to the studio, because many of your questions were about what goes on there), excited to film but slightly nervous. as you set up your camera for breakfast, your phone buzzed on the counter.

joshie: good morning, baby! you got this! can't wait to see you tonight 🥰

you: 🥺🥺🥺 thank you!

the day went well, filming your planned clips on the subway and at the studio, and when your coworker asked what all the questions you were filming for were, you sighed.

"normal stuff," you said quickly, taking off your apron after several hours of cooking and shooting. "favorite recipes, what equipment i use… y'know."

yunhyeong nodded at you, his eyes squinting slightly. "is that all?"

he knew you. he knew how you reacted when you were nervous. how you could practically hide it from anyone, but that certain subjects would always make your eyes look slightly panicked and your speech speed up. the worst part is that you knew he knew, and your facade was almost immediately broken.

"and if i have a boyfriend."

he stared at you for a second before he laughed in disbelief. it took him over a week of bugging you about the guy in your videos before you admitted you were seeing someone, and even then, you only did because joshua had started picking you up from the studio and - against your wishes - introduced himself to your coworkers. yunhyeong thought about how protective you were of your privacy, and how you had never revealed something as personal as a relationship online before - partly because none of the people you had gone on two or three dates with had been serious enough to reveal, but he mostly thought about how you barely even showed your own face. that you stayed mostly silent when you filmed, and if you had to speak, it was a voice that was only adjacent to your usual cadence, as if you were trying to create another barrier between you and your online persona. how you had mourned your grandfather's passing and uploaded your vlog like normal two days later, but called out of work for the week following.

"and you're telling the truth?"

you exhaled, wiping down the stove top now that it had cooled. "yeah, shua and i discussed it. people are speculating, anyways, and it's not like he's going anywhere any time soon."

yunhyeong nodded again, organizing the spices as he put them away. "i'm happy for you."

you looked at him. "what do you mean?"

"it's a big step," he said, purposefully keeping his eyes from you so you didn't get self conscious. "you haven't been this serious about someone the entire time i've known you. i think it's really great that you found someone you care about."

you watched him spin bottles to be label out as you considered his words. "thanks."

he peeked at you, smiling. "of course."

yunhyeong's words rattled in your mind as you walked to the restaurant joshua had agreed to meet you at, filming your feet as you went with the intention of answering a few random questions with on-screen text in the edit. someone you care about.

you thought about how joshua had said the same thing about you when you had asked if going public was something he would be comfortable with. the way it has made your heart flutter. you wondered, briefly, if perhaps this was something more than just caring.

when you were editing the video that saturday, you procrastinated on the last question as long as you could, and when it was the only thing left to do, you escaped to the kitchen to make lunch in favor of finishing the part that was haunting you. your bagel sandwich was delicious, but you could barely enjoy it, mind clouded by the task that made your anxiety peak for seemingly no good reason.

it took you too long to finish it.

when you showed it to joshua, wanting his blessing before you uploaded, he couldn't hide his giddy reaction.

"it's okay?" you confirmed, studying his face.

he nodded at you, lips pushed together into a lopsided smile. "it's really cute."

"cute?" you asked, clicking through the video. "that's good, right?"

"yes," he laughed, squeezing your shoulder to put a kiss on your head. "it's great. post it."

so you did. and while you had gotten a tiny bump when krys excitedly dragged the two of you onto her stream that afternoon, you had no way of predicting the way the rest of the internet picked it up a few weeks later.

"r/relationshipgoals," jeonghan read off his phone, leaning against your kitchen island along with several of your friends that had come over when they saw the two of you on their newsfeeds unprompted. "'cross post from r/cutecouples, the most heartwarming boyfriend reveal you'll see this year.'"

"twitter, too," karol announced looking up from her own phone, seated in a barstool beside him. "you're a twitter moment. people found the clip from krys' stream, even."

you were on the counter opposite them, kicking your feet nervously to the beat in your head as you chewed your lip. you sighed and covered your face. "how long is this gonna last?"

"a while, hopefully," krys said, turning your laptop screen towards you. "your subcounts are insane right now."

you whined into your hands, making joshua appear at your side to put a hand on your spine. you took a breath at the touch, relaxing your tensed thighs on the counter. "it's okay to be nervous," he muttered at you. "but it's also kinda exciting, right?"

you exhaled deeply, letting your hands fall and your eyes trail to his before a smile broke on your face. "kinda."

so after you calmed yourself down, you managed to go through some of the posts about you, and you surprised yourself by letting them put a smile on your face. even the idea of having a public relationship had scared you shitless less than a month prior, but this… this wasn't so bad. seeing twitter repost the same video of you filming your feet as you walked into a restaurant, panning the camera up to reveal joshua sitting at a table and waving excitedly at you. the cuts you made to show clips that had landed on the cutting room floor of past videos - the footage you had taken of him pointing out the new wok you had started using a few weeks prior in a kitchen specialty store, and the goofy face he revealed after holding it in front of himself as he brought it back to you. the video of joshua grasping your hand, panning up to his playfully serious face as he dragged you down a boardwalk in jeonju, gesturing to the sunset. the unedited audio from your first date, when you had said something about it looking really good, and he had said something along the lines of how it would have been a waste if you hadn't recorded, and the two of you giggled together in a way that nervous new couples did. short bits of you swinging your camera around to reveal a laughing joshua as you tried to film quiet shots. a clip of him wearing a triangular menu on his head like a hat, acting as though it was completely normal.

you had a hard time believing anything you ever did would be viral-worthy, but even you had to admit, this was a pretty understandable thing for you to go viral for.

besides, it felt like it made sense for this to be the one thing about your personal life that ended up getting attention. it felt like he was an innate part of you at this point, and that you wouldn't be honest if you hid him.

it was august when he broke your heart.

"how could you?" you asked him, staring in disbelief. "you haven't seen lord of the rings?"

"okay, i lied," joshua said, still washing the dishes. "i saw them when i was a kid, but i don't remember them really."

"well, we're fixing that."

he looked at where you were sitting on his kitchen island - a well known habit of yours at this point. "today?"

"not today," you said, poking your toe at his hip. "this weekend, maybe? if we start now, we'll be watching til you go to work tomorrow morning."

he shut off the faucet and gingerly placed the pan he had just washed on the drying rack. "how many movies is it? i thought it was just three."

"it is," you said, laughing at his shocked look. "the extended editions are around four hours each."

joshua exhaled, leaning against the counter as he used a cloth to dry his hands. "you're lucky i like wasting hours with you."

you grinned, hopping down from your seat. "you're lucky i let you."

and that weekend, the two of you did just that - waste time, ordering delivery food for two meals as you camped out on the couch in various positions as the two of you got comfortable repeatedly. you couldn't help but recite specific lines, mouthing along with every word gandalf said like you had thought of the words yourself. you pointed out behind the scenes facts along the way, even, excitedly saying viggo broke two toes when he kicked that helmet, or how faramir's flames were a mirror trick. joshua watched you, because while he knew it was your favorite movie and he really should pay attention, he couldn't help but get distracted by his own favorite movie, and it starred you getting excited about something you loved.

you slept later than joshua that sunday, and when you emerged from the bedroom, you spotted krys sitting at the island with a plate of waffles in front of her, then found joshua leaned against the counter with a cup of coffee. he smiled when he saw you.

"i made breakfast," he said, gesturing to the counter.

you looked around at the spread as you walked over to him. waffles, fruit, bacon, and the promise of a fried egg upon request - a spread worthy of your own brunching standards. "what about second breakfast?" you asked quietly, in accented english.

joshua laughed, his arm wrapping around your midsection as you came over to kiss him good morning. "elevensies?" he shot back, in the same vague accent.

you broke your serious face to giggle. "luncheon?"

"alright," krys said, voice raised in annoyance when the two of you looked over at her. "i get it, y'all are in love or whatever, but can you have some respect for those of us who are lonely?"

you rolled your eyes, laughing at the fact that she had absolutely brought this upon herself by forcing the two of you together every chance she got, but joshua went cold when he heard her say the thing he had been thinking for a while, but was too scared to say out loud. the thing he felt when you grabbed his arm and told him that if he wouldn't let you carry the ring, then you could at least carry him with all the same dramatics as one samwise gamgee did. when you cried as frodo and bilbo sailed into the sunset for good, even though you had seen it a million times over. the sneaking thought that he was in love with you, but didn't know how to say so. he swallowed down the thought, shaking his head when you raised a questioning brow at him as you dished up a plate of waffles and fruit.

it didn't take you long to trust joshua enough to give him your door code so he could let himself in, but it took him a while to actually use it. he said something about not wanting to intrude, but you told him it was more intrusive to make you come to the door when you could possibly be doing important things and he was completely capable of getting in on his own.

"babe?"

you hissed. you had the thought right before you started this boss battle, that he would arrive before you finished and you would be trapped at your computer. you were right. "in here! gimme like two minutes!"

you heard him enter your room, and his bubbly laugh when he spotted your back at your desk desperately clicking your mouse and striking your keyboard. "wow, is this what you meant by important things?"

"please, please, please," you whined, intermittently squealing as you reacted to the enemy attacks. "i'll get off in a second i just need one more cleansing heart to ascend xin- fuck! not the stupid birds!"

he laughed again, his hand finding the back of your shoulder, thumbs pressing into the constantly sore flesh. you winced as he kneaded his fingers into your shoulder but exhaled, making him laugh lightly when you got knocked over by a boar. "hey, there's a boar there."

"yes, thank you, joshua." you quickly cracked a knuckle as soon as you had down time, sticking your neck out as he continued to massage your shoulders. "i think i have two more waves."

"waves? because it's a water level?"

you groaned into a reluctant laugh. "no shitty jokes right now, i'm trying to focus. normally krys and i co-op this one but she was busy."

he hummed, moving to stand next to you with his hand resting at the base of your neck. "wonder what she was doing."

"don't you live with her?" you teasingly asked, glancing up at him for the first time while sprinting across the platform, your game camera spinning uncontrollably when you suddenly pulled both hands to your mouth and gasped. "what the fuck, joshua?"

he stifled a grin, but it was completely obvious in his eyes as you stared up at him, blonde hair curled lightly to stay out of his face. "what's up?"

you stood from your chair, inspecting his head. "what the fuck?"

he laughed, wrapping his arms around you when you ran your fingers through his bleached locks hesitantly. "do you hate it?"

"i-" you blinked at him repeatedly. "what? no, i don't hate- what the fuck, joshua?"

"what?" he whined, eyebrows tenting at you even though his lips were still smiling. "does it not suit me?"

you held his head and squinted at him. "josh, you're hot. you look hot. but what the fuck?"

he laughed, finally planting his hello kiss on your lips. he watched the gears turn behind your eyes, puckered lips becoming a pout.

"did you go to a salon?"

he grinned. "krys did it."

you made a fist at him, scrunching your face for a second as you exhaled, looking down at the screen right as your last team member died, respawning at a statue. "that's why she used so many smiley faces when she said she was busy."

he put his lips to your cheek, smiling into your skin. "not bad though, right? you got a pretty handsome boyfriend."

and while you would have loved to roll your eyes and tease him, you were overtaken by a giggle as you turned your head towards him again, the tip of his nose gliding across your cheek. "yeah, i do."

his eyebrows went up. "wow, wasn't expecting you to admit it so readily."

you laughed, a light, carefree laugh, your palms on his jaw as you kissed him. "i have eyes, joshua." he just smiled against your lips, lacing his fingers together behind your tailbone, and you pulled away slightly to look up at his hair again. your hands went to his nape, fingertips against his scalp. "how long did it take? you have thick hair."

"we did three sessions," he said. "enjoy it while you can, it might fall out."

you laughed with him, brushing your fingers gently in his bangs again. "it feels fine, though?"

"yeah, i made this incredible discovery that i'm almost positive i'm the first to hear about it. it's called a hair treatment."

you batted at his chest, giggling. "shut up."

"make me," he said, the sweet smile on his lips making the phrase more playful than suggestive.

"i can't believe you surprised me with bleached hair," you said, plopping into your seat and exiting the game. "you know i hate surprises, right?"

"that's too bad," he said, his hand returning to rub against your neck. "i like surprises a lot. get used to them."

you puffed out your cheeks, sighing slowly. "usually people compromise."

"not on this," he stated. "i'm a gift giver."

"yeah, i figured that out when you got flowers sent to the studio on our one month anniversary, then again on our second, then here on our third…"

he was just smiling smugly at you when you stood again, maneuvering around him. "and you love getting them?"

you rolled your eyes, not even commenting when he playfully patted your butt as you went by. "they're always tasteful and it's nice to have some seasonal flowers for the counter."

"so you love them," he repeated. "because it sounds to me like you love them."

you laughed, reaching out to catch his hand in yours and pull him along with you as you exited to the main living area. "and what if i do? so what, joshua hong, if it makes my heart beat a little fast when we suddenly get flowers delivered and i realize it's the fourteenth? are you gonna call me a hypocrite because i vocally advocate that traditional chivalry is bullshit?"

he just listened to your playful accusation, more proving that you were self aware rather than egging him on. "no way," he said plainly. "you can still think traditional chivalry is bullshit, it won't stop me from trying to make you smile."

you felt your face heating up, your jaw dropping slightly to let out an annoyed huff. "cheesy, joshua. i'm offended."

"want me to make it worse?" he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

your hands landed on his chest as you squinted at his grin. "i'm scared."

he gave you a crooked grin. "happy one hundred days. i brought sushi."

your head whipped over to the counter, spotting the paper bag with a familiar logo. "from nori table?"

"of course, from nori table."

joshua had promised jeonghan that you would make an appearance as a couple at a party he was throwing the next day, and you found yourself almost nervous. you got on with jeonghan famously - almost enough to drive joshua insane - and you even warmed up to seokmin pretty quickly, but from what you had been told, jeonghan enjoyed partying, and you didn't really like getting drunk.

"you made it!" seokmin grinned big, spreading his arms to signal for you to let him wrap you in a hug. you laughed and greeted him, enjoying the friendly comfort, then watching him hug joshua after he let you go. "and you're blonde! life's good?"

"yeah," joshua said, making eye contact with you briefly as his fingers tangled with yours. "life's good. you?"

seokmin blinked before he said "yeah, good!" and your brow knit slightly before you consciously adjusted your face to hide the analysis of his hesitation happening behind your eyes. "this is your first time here, right?"

you nodded, smiling and following him as he led you into the crowded apartment. "yeah, it's been busy lately. but i finally made it to one!"

"well, you need to meet my friends," he said, continuously looking back at you even as he walked ahead, towards a corner of the living room. "you're gonna love them."

"aye, josh!"

you looked to the source of the call, spotting the guy pulling himself to his feet from his seat on the couch, arms wide in greeting to your boyfriend.

"hey, hosh," joshua said, a sideways grin on and his brows tented as he gave him a quick handshake into a hug. quickly, he put a hand on your opposite shoulder, pulling you towards him and quickly introducing you.

soonyoung initially went in for a hug after your introduction, but immediately noticed the way your eyes widened slightly and instantly pulled his arms down, leaving a hand extended for you to shake. you laughed, taking it, and apologized for not being a hugger.

"no worries," soonyoung laughed, and you wondered if he was always this pink in the face or if he had already started drinking. "seokmin will hug me, right?"

"everyone!" seokmin ignored him, pulling you towards the people gathered on and around the couch. he announced you to his friends then quickly went down the line - soonyoung, seungkwan, jihoon, dongmin, yugyeom - you repeated the names back to him like you would remember all of them, even though you knew you wouldn't unless they became regulars in your life, too.

jeonghan flitted by and expressed his greetings to you both some time later, intending to abscond with joshua for drinks and conversation elsewhere, but he stopped jeonghan from pulling him away before he put a hand on your elbow, looking at you meaningfully.

"i'll be okay," you told him, smiling. "go ahead."

he squinted at you. "you sure?"

"seokmin's here," you reminded him, nodding your head at the boy you had practically adopted as your own brother. "real quick, about soonyoung-"

he quirked an eyebrow at you. "what about him?"

you chewed your lip, smiling. "karol's been a little too focused on work lately, right?"

his eyes widened, thinking about your roommate. his eyes went to the man you had referenced, who was currently chanting something into seungkwan's face as he rolled his eyes. "karol?"

"what do you think?" you asked, looking back at soonyoung.

he blinked. "i think he'll drive her insane."

your eyes shone at him. "i think she'll love it."

he laughed incredulously, registering that you had asked his opinion instead of just doing whatever pleased you, and he wondered if that meant you trusted him. "you're right," he said finally. "try it."

"of course i'm right," you said, giggling against the quick peck he put on your lips. "remove him, jeonghan."

"finally," an impatient host shot back, rolling his eyes in a way that landed in a sly smile at you. "for what it's worth, i think your plan will work."

"didn't need your approval, but i'll take it," you said, smiling smugly at him. "i'll update you later."

the update you gave the next time you saw him, weeks later, was that karol had left the apartment every week since to go be with soonyoung somewhere fun and exciting, and you waved her off with a shiteating grin every week, culminating in the two of them arriving to krys' birthday party hand in hand.

jeonghan laughed, stealing a carrot stick from your cutting board as you arranged them into a rainbow themed charcuterie platter. "knew it. soonyoung loves women stronger than him."

you looked at him as he took a bite. "and karol loves someone she can take care of."

"look at us," he said, waving the half eaten carrot between the two of you with a lopsided grin on his face. "what a duo. we should hang out more. fuck joshua."

you laughed at him, then at the offended look on your boyfriend's face as he walked past. "now?" you asked eyebrows raised as you looked at him expectantly, and he laughed when he realized what the last words out of jeonghan's mouth were seconds before.

"please, this is a child's birthday party," he reminded you, and you laughed at the overexaggerated look he gave you to sell the joke.

you looked over to where krys was laughing with seokmin, soonyoung, and karol, then back down to your work as you nudged around quartered figs with a vague smile on. "seems like the kids are having a nice time."

jeonghan sighed, falling dramatically against the counter. "oh, to be young and in love."

joshua laughed. "karol's our age."

his cheek was planted in his palm, elbow on the counter as he gazed after the group. "i'm talking about seokmin and krys."

"what?" joshua asked, voice nearly cracking, and you let out an explosive laugh. "seokmin and who?"

"stop acting stupid," jeonghan waved ahand at him, then popping his eyes up to catch your look of solidarity. he pointed at you. "see? we're on the same page, which means we're right."

joshua looked at you and you raised your hands in surrender. "are you serious?" he asked. "my sister and-"

you landed a hand on his face, effectively shutting him up as you giggled. "shush, josh. just leave it, okay?"

"good idea," jeonghan sighed, straightening and picking up the platter you had finished. "dining table?"

"please," you responded, looking back and giggling when joshua looked just as dumbfounded as he had before you looked away. "she's an adult. seokmin's a good guy. let it happen."

he closed his mouth, stealing a glance at his sister. "he is a kindergarten teacher."

"and both your best friend and your partner love him," you reminded him. "she could do worse."

he gave you a look. "she has done worse."

"shut up," you said, pushing his shoulder in your friend's defense. "you've done pretty bad, too."

his eyes went to the ceiling, remembering the accidental altercation you had been forced to have with one of his more regrettable exes. "how many times do i have to apologize-"

"you don't," you laughed, putting your hands on his cheeks and focusing his eyes on yours. "but krys is an adult. she's allowed to judge her own partners, and even if she ends up being wrong, she's old enough to make her own mistakes."

joshua huffed, knowing you were right but not wanting to admit it. "sorry i'm trying to protect my one and only baby sister."

"yes, and you're adorable," you assured him. "best big brother ever. but it's her birthday, and if you don't start getting drunk soon, she'll be very upset."

drinking with joshua was fun. because he wasn't much different than yourself - he didn't get crazy, he didn't get loud. he just got loose. he let stupider jokes out, and he was more willing to join in on krys' performative comedy bits throughout the night. you found yourself falling onto a couch with him, giggling as he caught his breath after a particularly involved musical number.

the most fun you had drinking with joshua was in itaewon, long past midnight but still what you considered halloween. you had been dragging karol with you for years, but now you had a boyfriend, and she had a boyfriend, and you both had a new joint best friend, so it only made sense for you to get them all take the train ride out to your favorite part of seoul.

ratatouille. that was the only way you could get joshua to go with you. he wanted a couples costume and he wanted you to be the rat.

"this feels backhanded," you told him.

"do you want to be linguine?" he asked. "i can be sexy remy. i can find grey hot pants, but you have to be the one to attach the the tail because i have no idea what my butt looks like."

you laughed, resigning to your fate and buying the outfit online, then looked at him suddenly. "liar. i know you check yourself out at the gym."

"okay," he said, eyes on the ceiling as he herded a giggling you into his arms. "then… i want it to be accurate, so you need to attach it directly at my tailbone." he cocked his head at you after you settled into the hug. "i have to be wearing them, obviously."

"obviously," you said. "but unfortunately, i already ordered the body suit."

josh pressed his lips together and made a quick fist in victory. "awesome. i-i mean! aww, well, that's fine, i suppose." he sighed dramatically, convincing absolutely no one that he hadn't wanted this outcome all along. "i'll be linguine."

"i don't feel like fighting a bunch of gays in itaewon for your affection anyways," you said, making him laugh and kiss your cheek quickly before pulling away.

"grilled cheese?"

"is that even a question?"

it wasn't a question when you were weaving through throngs of bunnies and angels, either, holding hands with both him and his sister to not lose them in the crowd, karol and soonyoung trailing behind krys, all five of you on a mission to get carbs in you after starting the night off nearly too strong.

halloween in itaewon was different. it was special, you thought. you usually didn't like crowds, but this one felt good. halloween wasn't a celebrated holiday in korea, but with internet, influencers, and immigrants, the culture found its way into the new age scene. you loved an excuse to celebrate your favorite characters by paying them homage, and joshua had thought that was a noble enough reason for him to justify staying up too late and drinking too much.

you had just left the diner themed bar that you devoured griddle top sandwiches from, as well as another drink, and you spotted a familiar angel making a beeline for you.

well, not you.

"how many times have i tried to get you to come to itaewon with me?" jeonghan asked, pushing joshua's shoulder as soon as he could reach it.

joshua laughed, looking shocked by the sudden appearance of his friend. "you never agreed to be remy!"

jeonghan looked at you, and burst into laughter, making your jaw drop in indignance and whacking your fist against both their arms. "at least we're original. way to put in the effort, han."

he shrugged bringing a straw to his mouth, and you eyed the pink liquid that had clearly been funnelled into a water bottle. "i look better than all these clowns and you know it."

"there you are!"

jeonghan spun, the straw still in his mouth. "shit, i haven't lost you?"

seokmin gave him a sarcastic laugh, adjusting the shoulder of his soccer jersey as he walked up behind him, quickly adding to your small circle as he greeted you and joshua. you stepped aside suddenly, revealing the members of your party that had been lagging behind. "o-oh! it's all of you!"

you made brief eye contact with joshua, who was trying to not laugh at your less than subtle attempt. "you match!" you said quickly, pointing out that krys was dressed as a baseball player. "baseball, soccer," you trailed off, looking around for help.

"sports couple," jeonghan said loudly, slipping you a quick look. "cute."

soonyoung had to put his entire palm over his mouth to stop himself from exploding into giggles when seokmin went red in the ears and krys tried to change the subject as kindly as she could manage.

when you finally made it back into joshua's room, it was far too late (early? you could think about it more, but you preferred resigning to the fact that the passage of time was beyond you and moving on), the sun already starting to light the sky as it prepared to break the horizon. when you stole his toque of his head, he put his hand on your waist, backing you up against the closet door and gently working his lips onto yours.

you giggled, your arms landing on his shoulders. "aren't you tired?

"yeah, but," his eyes fluttering over your face. "i just really like you."

you were smiling when he pressed his lips to yours again. "i really like you, too, but we've been at a sweaty block party all night and we need to shower."

"together?" he asked, a spot of childish hope in his voice. "singular shower?"

you sighed on his lips, playfully threading your fingers against his nape. "if you want?"

the hot water felt especially good after trekking home in the cold without a jacket. and even though it was just meant to be a shower, he kept kissing you like it was something more, pressing you against the tiled wall and running his hands all over your shape. you couldn't stop giggling. pushing his hands away, saying you need to wash up, but giving him looks like you wanted him to keep going. you were running your hands over his chest, rinsing away suds, when joshua couldn't help but put a hand at the base of your neck, tipping your head slightly to deepen an already heated kiss.

"cut it out," you muttered against his lips, feeling them curve despite your eyes staying shut.

"cut what out?"

you looked at him, barely processing anything other than how incredibly handsome he was, even with his lashes stuck together with moisture and his hair slicked back against his head. "trying to fuck me in a shower stall."

he laughed teasingly, leaning into you again. "then why'd you agree to come in here with me?"

your back hit the tile again, and you giggled. "to save water."

and then he's kissing you again, a hand steady on your nape as he worked you open, tongue lapping against yours with a desperation that could only mean one thing. you whimpered dumbly, the squeaky whine escaping you with no difficulty as your hands ran up his chest, your grip longing for any amount of him you could get.

his lips leave you abruptly, asking if this was too much. if you wanted to stop. but you shook your head at him, hands eager to feel more of his shoulders, his neck, his scalp, despite your legs starting to give out. steam drifted between you when you told him your legs felt like jello from your full shift of partying, and if he didn't want to hold you up, you should probably take this to bed.

you were giggling as you frantically dried each other off, stealing kisses that were far too deep to be so short and longing touches that could have been interpreted as purposeful drying if you squinted hard enough, but felt much more like careful teasing. his hands felt right running up your body, and your hair was still damp, but that didn't bother either of you when you fell into bed together.

"i cant believe you want to fuck me when i was dressed like a literal rat," you teased.

he laughed, tugging your thigh up on his hip as his nose nuzzled against yours. "a sexy rat."

you giggled, lips parting when he kissed you. "a rat from a pixar movie."

he didn't miss a beat. "a sexy rat from a pixar movie."

you roll your damn eyes at him, and he just laughs, knowing that it mattered very little what you were wearing before, because now you were bare, clean, and safe in his bed, which was exactly where he wanted you for the rest of forever.

the sun was past its peak when you woke, stretching your sore spine and legs with joshua's arm draped over you. his hand seemed to wake before he did, finding your hip and squeezing gently as he took in his signature first breath of the day.

"g'morning." you smiled at his soft voice as he squinted at you, and you rolled into him to plant a kiss on his lips.

"it's almost two," you said finally.

he groaned, burying his face in the pillow. "too early." his grip around you tightened, making you giggle. "nap time."

you whined. "i wanna make coffee before it gets too late."

"i said nap time," he muttered, face still against the pillow.

"baby, i have a headache."

his head popped up, squinting at the bedside. "there's water."

you laughed incredulously. "i need caffeine."

he just pulled you tighter. "i need you here."

"wow," you said, wrapping your arms around him as he snuggled into your chest. "would rather i suffer from a caffeine headache for your own selfish need to cuddle than let me escape for two minutes to make a coffee and come back?"

he smiled, rubbing his cheek against your sternum. "mhmm."

you giggled, carding your fingers through his hair and resigning to a few more precious moments of uninterrupted snuggling before you could relieve the vague aching in your temples.

he did eventually let you slip out of his grasp, and you asked if he wanted a coffee, too, to which he just blearily blinked at you and nodded once. you laughed, finding a shirt in a drawer and pulling it over your head before exiting to the kitchen.

you hit the kettle first, having a craving for a hot cup of coffee rather than the usual iced, grabbing a mug and glass from a cabinet. the espresso machine sat on the long counter against the windowed outer wall, and your eyes danced across the outside world as you made the two coffees. when you returned to the bedroom, joshua was on his phone, and when you cleared your throat, he dropped his phone on the pillow and pretended to be asleep, complete with a loud snore.

you giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed and nudging him carefully. "get up or i'll put the glass on your neck."

he winced at the idea. "evil," he stated plainly, flopping around to comfortably sit up and taking the iced coffee from you.

you sipped your coffee and put it on the bedside table to swing your feet back under the covers. you shoved at the pillows to support your back as you sat, grabbing your coffee and phone to begin your weekend morning routine of checking the news as you sipped at an americano. "i brought you coffee in bed at two pm. i think i'm pretty saintly."

he gave you a fake laugh, making you giggle and push your foot against his leg under the covers in a half hearted kick. "is that why you said 'oh, god' so much last night?"

you groaned. "gross, joshua. and for the record," you said, eyeing him slyly as a smile broke out on your lips. "that was this morning."

"time is an illusion," he declared, taking a gulp from his coffee and setting it down to get more comfortable beside you as you began to read an article. "are we doing anything today?"

you shook your head, eyes still focused on your screen. "nada."

"nothin'?" joshua fished.

"zilch," you concluded.

"rad," he decided, a light tone in his voice as he grabbed his phone to resume whatever he had been doing before you returned. "do you wanna order breakfast?"

you let out a breath, your head falling back as you looked at him. "yes, oh my god."

he laughed, and his eyes ran over your face in a way you recognized well at this point. to you, it was him just smiling back at you, and you liked that it reached his eyes. but to him, it was the way he looked at you when he was memorizing all the little reasons he adored you, and it was getting harder for him to pretend it wasn't more than just simple adoration.

"question," he started, eyes darting away from yours as he licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed quickly.

"pasta," you said immediately, pulling your phone to your chest as you gave him your biggest, most convincing eyes before a finger came up to demonstrate a point. "and before you say that's not a breakfast food, i would like to remind you that it is 2pm and i had to sit through a hundred of your italian food puns yesterday despite ratatouille being set in france."

he laughed, and you gave him a confused look. "we can get pasta, but that wasn't the question."

your eyebrow quirked. "what other question could you possibly ask me right now?"

unknowingly, joshua let his face settle into the same look he was giving you less than a minute earlier. "would you want to move in?"

your eyes ran over his face repeatedly, trying to register how serious he was as you considered the idea of staying in this comforting bed and presence for the indefinite future, and even you couldn't hide how nice that sounded. the only thing stopping you was that you couldn't bear to leave karol alone. you had been living together for over four years now, she had been your first roommate in korea, your best friend for years, and an inexplicable source of quiet but understanding comfort for you.

"i understand," joshua assured you, placing his hand over yours after you expressed your hesitation. "i don't know what i'll do with myself when krys decides to move out."

you nodded, studying his face but mind wandering to other things. "krys," you hummed, and he eyed you.

"what genius plan is that brain brewing?"

you shook your head, brushing the thought out of your mind - the thought that krys had said something about needing to find a new place soon. the thought that she had said she was never gonna properly grow up when josh was taking care of her, whether she wanted him to or not. "nothing."

but it wasn't nothing. it was a compromise - you and krys would swap leases.

"are you sure?" you asked her, elbows on the island as krys ate the donuts you had anxiously made that morning. you had brought up the idea to her days before, and she excitedly agreed, but something about it felt too easy to you.

"yes," she assured you, wiping her bottom lip clear of powdered sugar. "i swear, i'm sure. how many times do i have to say it?"

you chewed your cheek. "i don't want you to feel like i'm kicking you out."

"you're not kicking me out," she said matter of factly. "i'm moving out. it just happens to be the same day as you're moving in."

you pouted. "and you're moving into my apartment."

"yeah," she said, nodding. "i get to pay lower rent and have south facing windows in my room. i should feel bad about kicking you out."

it took almost a month to organize everything, but by early december you were just waiting for the date. you purposefully scheduled for a weekend, in order to not disrupt krys' streaming schedule and your video uploads, since you had planned to do a separate moving vlog about safely packing tableware. the weekend before, krys came over to her soon-to-be home for your usual monthly brunch.

flipping pancakes that day felt a little somber, knowing it was the last time you'd be cooking brunch while living with karol. you had been with her for four years, and it felt surreal that you were finally parting ways like this. not only that, but you were moving in with a guy. the idea itself scared the shit out of you - cohabitating with someone other than karol. you'd be sharing a room. sharing a kitchen. sharing all of your space - normally, that would scare you away from agreeing, but something about joshua made you feel safe. he made you feel like you would never try to get back the distance you generally held so dear.

months ago, the idea of sharing space like that while trying to decompress would be unimaginable, but recently, you found alone time with joshua just as healing as alone time with yourself, so the idea of being able to snuggle into his side every night actually put a warm feeling in your stomach. you looked at your friends, who were laughing and drinking bloody marys as you tried to keep up with their conversation. your brain swirled, and you looked back down at the strawberries you were cutting, suddenly realizing you had never felt that way about a boy before.

"woah, you okay, babe?" krys bobbed her head downwards to check your face. "are you crying? i thought only onions did that to you."

you threw your head back, sniffling noisily trying to force the tears back under your ducts. karol stood. "oh, my god, what's wrong?" she frantically put down her drink and rushed around the counter to your side.

"wait, yeah-" krys shook her head rapidly, then reached over to take the knife out of your hand, her face creasing into a worried pout. "what's going on?"

you gathered yourself, embarrassed at how quickly you had cried so hard over such a stupid realization. you almost laughed, realizing what a scene you were making. you never cried. you weren't even sure either of them had seen it before now, yet you were ugly sobbing over something that they all probably already knew.

you swallowed harshly, clearing your throat. "i think i'm in love with josh."

krys and karol always knew you didn't truly care about the gender of your hypothetical partner, but that you had avoided men for a reason other than your attraction to them. they knew you gravitated towards women for practically your entire friendships with either of them, they knew that you never liked to get genuinely drunk and instead took care of the rest of them, and they knew you had never been very interested in sex. these were all known facts about you, and your friends understood that you kept the reasons for these facts close to your chest. they respected that.

but you finally wanted to share why. and the why was your ex.

when you had imagined telling your closest friends about your trauma, this certainly wasn't the situation you expected - crowded around the kitchen counter as your pancakes went cold, and only because you had burst into tears. it wasn't the right place, you thought, for you to talk about how he got you drunk. how you were practically asleep. how you tried to push him away but your body was weak with intoxication and you were powerless against him. someone you trusted. someone you loved.

you had always been the type to fight your own battles. you could stand up for yourself without difficulty, yet he made you scared of men. of what they could do to you. he reminded you that despite your effort to air on the androgynous, you had a body that some people might enjoy against your will. he made you want to hide everything about you and your body, wearing baggy shirts and oversized hoodies every chance you got, avoiding the unwanted gaze of men.

but recently, you've been wearing shorts more. you cropped some old shirts you never got use out of anymore to wear to your weekly yoga class. you had even bought a schoolgirl outfit for exactly one purpose, which had been entirely out of your comfort zone until roughly two months prior, but you had happily worn to please a man.

but in your defense, joshua hong was not like most men.

his appreciation of your body never felt predatory, and it always felt like it was bested by his appreciation of your mind. he didn't treat you like a prize, or like you were his for the taking. he appreciated your body as yours. while you may have found yourself the subject of his desire, you were never an object, and it had been a long time since you had felt comfortable wearing the clothes you liked in favor of opting for whatever would hide the most skin.

krys was crying. karol was too, but she was more focused on hugging you tight as you wiped off the tears that had trailed down your face. krys rounded the counter, loudly vocalising how much she loved you and everything about you, and you laughed out loud as she let out an exaggerated wail.

"actually, though," she said, pulling away slightly and sniffling. "drop the address. we're rolling up on this guy tomorrow."

you laughed again, wiping at your face when your arms were free. "wouldn't even know where to find him now."

"good!" karol declared. "fuck that guy! cut him out! you're a bad bitch!"

krys pouted. "i'm really happy josh helped you heal."

you stared at her for a second, registering that she must have been right. you eyes swam over the counter, thinking about all the times he had helped you feel more comfortable with yourself. with everything. enough to let someone in. enough to love. "i guess that's what this is, huh?"

karol cleared her throat. "so, you love him."

a grin broke out on krys' face, and your eyes immediately rolled. "you love him."

"you love him so bad."

"you wanna marry him and make adorable little hong babies."

"oh my god," you said, pressing the backs of your hands into your eye sockets, annoyed laughter on your lips as they bounced off each other. "you guys suck."

joshua started acting… odd. that was the only way you could describe it. there was nothing specific you could name - maybe the way his eyes were moving slightly too quickly from side to side? or maybe it was the way he inhaled a little extra when you asked him what was up, only for him to push his lips into an exaggerated pout and insist that nothing was. whatever it was, it made you watch him a little bit longer, your eyes squinting slightly more than usual.

you called him the day before, asking if you could bring some stuff over in hopes of making the next day as easy as possible, but his response was quick and surprising.

"what do you mean, no?" you laughed, putting down the wooden tray you were deciding the fate of. "do you have a girl over?"

you could hear him faltering on the other end. "and what if i did?"

"good luck getting her to make you breakfast."

he laughed. "i'm kidding. i have a guy over."

"oh?" you asked. "jeonghan?"

"shut up," he chuckled out. "i'm having something installed, but it was supposed to be a surprise."

"joshua," you reminded him, thinking of what the hell he could have meant by something. "i don't do surprises."

"you do now."

you groaned, a palm landing on your counter. "what is it?"

"a sex swing," he said plainly, as though that were the most obvious fact that you could have questioned, and you practically choked on your laughter, not even letting him confirm that he was joking before you were folded over your counter. and quite frankly, you could not wait another day to let him make you laugh like that as a routine.

you finally seceded, but you were glad when joshua arrived - the suv he rented loaded with krys' things - because it was a signifier that the distance between you and said surprise was shrinking quickly. soonyoung had become a surprisingly helpful voice of reason as you went through your piles of tablewares, telling you which ones to leave behind and which ones to take with you. seokmin had even arrived not long after the suv in his own car, a few brightly colored belongings in his backseat. you and karol exchanged a look when you realized he had volunteered to help krys move, but said nothing out loud, knowing she would do nothing but deny the obvious.

after yours and krys' affects were swapped in the car, you looked around one last time before telling josh you thought that was it.

"wait!" krys faltered, realizing she didn't have a good reason to stop you. "i- uh,"

"they know there's a surprise waiting for them," he said, digging the rental keys out of his jacket pocket.

karol looked to you. "do you know what it is?"

"of course not," joshua stated proudly before you could respond. "i'm like a steel trap."

you laughed. "that's definitely not how that phrase is meant to be used."

he raised a brow at you. "that doesn't change the fact that you could never get that info out of me."

"they absolutely could," karol said.

"for sure," krys agreed.

"i just wanted to let you have this," you admitted.

joshua looked between the three of you with his jaw slightly dropped, and seokmin put a hand over his mouth while crossing his arms to disguise the almost laugh on his lips.

"well, i want to see your reaction," krys decided. "so i'm coming."

"wait," soonyoung asked, putting down the retro boombox he had been investigating, among the other things that had been brought from the loft. "like, the surprise?"

"does everyone know about this but me?" you asked, hands hitting your sides in exasperation.

seokmin looked at you with wide, confused eyes. "i don't."

you lifted your hands in a vague prayer towards him. "thank you for your solidarity."

"i wanna see your face, too!" soonyoung said, ignoring you both. "you're gonna freak."

"joshua," you started, turning to him with a look of dread on your face. "what the fuck did you get?"

"i told you!" he exclaimed. "a sex swing!"

there was an excruciatingly long second of silence, making your palm land directly on your face - just above your eye - before seokmin let out a surprised, "a what?"

"he's kidding," you announced, much to the teacher's relief. "and if he's not we're breaking up."

it was decided that the entire party would move to the loft for the surprise reveal, and you watched your friends pile into seokmin's car with your palms sweating slightly and your molars gently gnawing at the fleshy party of your cheek. because, truly, you didn't handle receiving gifts well when you knew what they were, but you didn't have a single clue as to what could be waiting for you in your new home, and that made you a little nervous to have an audience for your possibly piss poor reaction.

joshua's hand found yours on the drive to the apartment. "you okay?"

you blinked and looked over at him, his eyes catching yours between glances at the road. "i don't do surprises."

"so you've said," he nodded. his fingers squeezed at yours lightly and you exhaled. "do you want to know before we go in? you can just act surprised."

your felt your face soften, registering what he was offering you. "joshua, you don't have to do that-"

"i know," he said. "but if it makes you more comfortable, then…"

"no way," you said. "i'll just stop being a baby. you set up a surprise, the least i can do is participate the way you want me to."

he eyed you, then the way you laced your fingers with his. "but you are a baby."

you rolled your eyes. "shut up, no i'm not."

"my baby," he clarified, and you let out an involuntary giggle.

he was guiding you into the kitchen, his large hands placed over your eyes and covering most of your face by proxy, and you didn't quit your playful complaints for the crowd of your closest friends that had gathered around, their presence obvious despite your vision being impaired.

"ready?" joshua asked.

"josh, i literally hate surprises, do we have to do all this?"

"yes," he said frankly. "because i'm doing something nice for us and you're going to love it so can you shut up and let me do this the way i want to like you told me you wanted me to?"

you paused, hearing the way your friends stifled their laughter as you took in a deep breath.

"ready?" he repeated.

"yeah, i guess," you sighed.

the light was harsh when his hands left your face, and you blinked repeatedly at the kitchen that you spent countless hours in, registering what was different. then, it suddenly clicked, the stovetop joshua had always had was replaced by the blue vintage styled range of your dreams.

"joshua!" you gasped, hands going to your face as you spun to look at him, then back at the range. "you bought me a lacanche?!"

he grinned, hands snaking around your waist from behind as you stood frozen in place. "i bought us a lacanche."

seokmin leaned over to krys. "what's a le conch?"

she reached up and put a finger over his mouth, eyes fixed on you. "shh, they're communicating."

you rushed over to the range, joshua following behind you as you ran your hands over the polished chrome handles that you had stared at on the website for years. "and it's all hooked up?"

he nodded, eyes on you with a smile on his face. "tested it last night."

"without me?" you asked, incredulous.

he laughed. "i didn't want to ruin the surprise by burning the loft down directly after."

your finger fidgeted on the handle, looking over to joshua. he gestured for you to go ahead, and you pushed and spun the knob, lighting a burner and squealing. you shut it off again before launching yourself into a hug.

"joshua!" you wailed, arms wrapped around his neck as he laughed, putting his around your waist. "i love it so much ican'tbelieveyouboughtusafucking lacanche range in portuguese blue for no goddamn reason!"

"there was a reason!" he laughed, letting you pull away slightly to study his face. "it's a housewarming gift. i want you to know this place is yours, too, now."

you did your best to suck the tears back into the ducts they belonged in, trying to not show just how much the gesture meant to you in that way, but you were sure one escaped down your cheek when your hands went to the base of his skull, pulling him into a kiss. you forgot the context of the move. you forgot about your friends that had been excitedly crowded in your new kitchen, anticipating your over the top reaction to what they saw as just a new stove. you, however, were overwhelmed by the specifics - the fact that he had picked the color you chose most often when building your hypothetical dream stove on the website you frequented more often than you would ever admit. the fact that it matched the details on the tile of his kitchen backsplash, a detail you hadn't even noticed when you were looking at them online. the chrome vintage knobs, the layout of the burners - everything was exact to what he had seen you dream about, and you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and care that expressed, hoping you could tell him just how much it meant by working your lips against his.

"ok, gross," krys announced, looking away when the two of you didn't pull apart. "i'm saying goodbye to my wallpaper and we're leaving. would anyone else like to pay their respects?"

seokmin raised his hand, his eyes on the ceiling, and krys grabbed his arm and retreated towards the hall, karol telling them to hurry as soonyoung put up a hand to obstruct his view of you and joshua. when you finally pulled away, it wasn't for their reprieve, though they reacted as though it was. it was so you could look into joshua's eyes, creased with the grin on his face as you gave him a similar one, and you couldn't wait to cook with him, on your, plural, portuguese blue lacanche range, with chrome classique handles, four gas burners, a griddle, and a warming drawer. and it would be your best brunch yet.

[gotham--fc]

You Win My Love - A Lindsey Horan Imagine

A/N: The second installment in my Shania Twain series! Based off “You Win My Love”

Lindsey, Sonnett, Rose, Mal, and Sam stepped out of the van and looked around.

 “Who’s supposed to be meeting us here?” Sam asked.

 “One of the execs, I think. I’ve never met him, so I don’t know what he looks like,” Mal answered. Just then a tall man in a suit appeared in front of them.

 “Hello, ladies! We’re so glad you could make it,” He shook each of their hands, “I’m Jack Bolton, I trust you’re all aware of what is going to happen today?”

 “You’re giving us a tour and introducing us to some drivers and then we’re watching the race, all while the media crew films us so that they can post a video that’s going to bring everyone publicity,” Lindsey said.

 “Yes, exactly,” Jack said, “It’s all rather exploitative, I know, but sponsors, CEOs, you know the deal. They say jump and I say yes sir.” Lindsey grinned a little. She was already enjoying herself.

 Jack led them through the clubhouse and showed them the common areas and the specific sections for each crew. He led them outside to the racetrack, where some drivers were practicing for the upcoming race.

 “This is where the pit crew stays during the race when they’re not needed at the pit stops,” Jack gestured to an area a little ways back from the track, “During a race, they’re monitoring their driver and making sure there’s no problems with their cars or their tires, and when a driver enters the pit, they’re responsible for changing the tires, filling up gas, fixing any engine problems, and making sure the driver is okay and good to continue.”

 “You’re boring them, Jack,” A voice came from behind them. Jack turned around and grinned.

 “Do you want to take over, Y/N?” Jack asked. Y/N laughed and shook her head.

 “Nah, gotta get ready for tonight.”

 “Ladies, this is Y/N Y/L/N, one of our best racers.”

 “One of?” Y/N asked, “What is this? Jack, I’m the best racer, or do you need to see all my trophies again?” Jack laughed and shook his head before he introduced the group.

 “Ah, soccer players,” Y/N said, “Pleased to meet you all.”

 “You’re the best?” Rose asked.

 “Yeah, for sure. Especially tonight. This race is full of rookies and oldsters, I’m pretty much guaranteed a win.”

 “So why are you bothering to race? Why aren’t you at the… Indy 500?” Lindsey asked. Y/N laughed.

 “Because that’s not for a couple weeks,” Y/N said, “I’m just here because Jack asked me to, I don’t normally come to these races, but apparently big racers bring more viewers and… honestly I’m just looking for some practice before I take on the real competition.”

 “We’ll see about the competition,” Lindsey said. Y/N laughed before she said goodbye and left the group with Jack.

 “Now, if you’ll come this way, ladies…”

 ***

 “Looks like I won after all.”

 Lindsey turned around and saw Y/N heading toward her, trophy in her hand. Lindsey crossed her arms.

 “You got lucky,” Lindsey said, “That other guy was totally gonna win if he didn’t hit the wall in the last lap.” Y/N laughed.

 “While that may be true, I did still win,” Y/N held the trophy out, “Wanna hold it? Maybe get a picture for your Instagram or something?” Lindsey agreed, trading her phone for the trophy and letting Y/N take a few pictures.

 “You live in Portland, right?” Y/N asked after she handed Lindsey’s phone back. “You play for the Thorns, I mean.”

 “Yeah, I live there during the season, but I live in Denver during the offseason. If I have one.”

 Y/N laughed. “I feel that. I live in Portland too. I’m supposed to live in Portland, but I travel so much it feels like it’s just another stop on the road.”

 “It’s hard to settle down in a city when you’re constantly being taken somewhere else,” Lindsey said.

 “I know, right? Man, one thing I’m looking forward to when I retire is just staying in one place for longer than two weeks.”

 Y/N and Lindsey kept talking, about Portland, about traveling, about their careers, families, everything. Lindsey wasn’t expecting to like the seemingly cocky racer, but Y/N, up close, away from the cameras and the fans, was genuine and down to earth and clammed up when Lindsey brought up her prolific career. Lindsey thought she might actually… like Y/N, maybe.

 “Yo, Linessi!” Sonnett yelled, “We gotta go! Quit flirting!” Lindsey blushed furiously.

 “I’m so sorry about her, she’s an idiot,” Lindsey said.

 “No worries, we all have friends like that,” Y/N said, “It was nice to meet you Lindsey,” Y/N touched Lindsey’s arm lightly, sending tingles up Lindsey’s arm, “I hope I get to see you again.”

 “Let me know the next time you’re in Portland,” Lindsey said.

 “Will do.”

 ***

 Lindsey posted the photo as soon as she got back to the hotel. She didn’t tag Y/N, but she did tag Jack and the racetrack. A few minutes later, Lindsey heard her phone ding. She looked at it and saw that Y/N DM’ed her on Instagram.

 yourusername: What? No tag? You do know who’s trophy you’re holding

 Lindsey laughed before she replied.

 lindseyhoran10: didn’t want it to go to your head

also its been what? 5 minutes? eager to talk to me again or something

 yourusername: Something like that

what are you doing next week? I’m in Portland for a couple of days

 lindseyhoran10: I might be free

have to check my schedule

 yourusername: Great! It’s a date

 ***

 Next week, Lindsey was sitting in her apartment, waiting for Y/N to come pick her up. She didn’t know what to expect. Y/N told her to dress casual, but other than that, Y/N hadn’t told her anything about what they were doing. So, Lindsey was wearing jeans and a tank top, with a jacket on top. Y/N had said it was a date, but Lindsey wasn’t sure if she was joking or not. She didn’t have time to overthink before there was a knock at her door. She quickly opened it to reveal Y/N, wearing jeans and a leather jacket.

 “Hey there,” Y/N said, “You ready?” Lindsey nodded, following Y/N outside and to her car. Lindsey snorted when she saw what Y/N was driving.

 “What?” Y/N asked.

 “You’re a big fancy race car driver and you’re driving a pickup truck.”

 “Well, yeah. Sorry we don’t all drive BMWs like you soccer players,” Y/N said, “If you don’t like it, I can switch to another car. I’ve got a Ferrari sitting in my garage collecting dust.”

 “You have a Ferrari and you’re driving this piece of junk?”

 “It’s not a piece of junk! It has character!” Y/N insisted, “Look, I put on new hubcaps, a new bumper, I really spiced up the engine and the stereo in this baby is like nothing you’ll find in those BMWs, trust me,” Y/N looked up at Lindsey who was still looking unimpressed. “Fine, I’ll go get the Ferrari. But if I’m driving her, I’m gonna show you some tricks,” Y/N grinned.

 Lindsey didn’t know what Y/N meant by “tricks”, but she wasn’t expecting Y/N to turn into an empty, gated, dark parking lot after they switched to one of Y/N’s fancier cars. Y/N was quick to unlock the gate and drive them in. Lindsey looked around suspiciously, not sure what she had gotten herself into.

 “Okay, hold tight, I’ll be right back,” With a flash, Y/N was out of the car and running across to a small shed. Soon, the parking lot was flooded with light, Y/N gave Lindsey a thumbs up and then ran back.

 “I was thinking you brought me here to kill me,” Lindsey said when Y/N was back in the car.

 “Nah, just wanna show off for you,” Y/N said, “It’s illegal to do tricks on public roads, so that’s why we had to come here.”

 “Isn’t this trespassing?”

 “It’s not trespassing when you own it,” Y/N grinned, “Now hold tight.”

 Lindsey didn’t have a chance to ask what Y/N meant, before Y/N was speeding off in the parking lot, doing donuts and other high-speed maneuvers. Lindsey was gripping the handle above her door as tight as she could, but Y/N was laughing, seamlessly transitioning from one trick to the next and soon, Lindsey’s grip relaxed and she started laughing too. Finally, Y/N slowed to a stop.

 “How was that? Did you have fun?” Y/N eyes shone as she looked at Lindsey.

 “Maybe we should’ve just driven the truck,” Lindsey said.

 “Oh, come on, admit it, that was fun!”

 Lindsey rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine. It was fun, once I realized we weren’t gonna die.”

 “Then come on, hop out and I’ll teach you some,” Y/N said.

 “What? No, Y/N, I–” Lindsey tried to protest was Y/N was already out of the car and holding the keys for Lindsey to take. “Look, I really don’t think I should do this, I’m really not that good of a driver,” Lindsey said as she got behind the wheel.

 “It’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll tell you what to do, okay?” Y/N said, “Nothing bad is gonna happen, trust me, I’m a professional. We’ll start off on the easy ones, just follow my instructions.”

 Lindsey, as she expected, was not a very good driver. She was fine driving like a normal person on city streets, but this was something else. For some reason, even the simple instructions Y/N was giving felt like the most complicated thing in the world. Lindsey wanted to give up when Y/N convinced her to give it one more try. Lindsey felt a surge of adrenaline as she made (almost) one full donut. She stopped and looked at Y/N, who was grinning as much as she was.

 “I did it!”

 “You did it!” Y/N high-fived Lindsey. “You wanna try any more?” Suddenly, the keys were out of the ignition and thrown on Y/N’s lap and Lindsey was at the passenger side door waiting for Y/N to get back in the drivers seat. Y/N laughed as she moved over.

 “Okay, that’s a no.”

 ***

 “Linds, why are you dragging us into the middle of redneck country? I don’t wanna get hit on by some sexist jerk,” Rose complained as she followed Lindsey through the entrance.

 “It’s not that bad, Rose,” Lindsey said, “NASCAR is cool, it’s not just rednecks anymore.” Rose grimaced as a drunk man wearing an American flag tank top ran by, screaming.

 “Right, not just rednecks,” Rose muttered.

 “Oh, come on Linds, we all know you’re here for that hot racer chick you’ve been flirting with,” Sonnett said.

 “It’s not just for her,” Lindsey said defensively, “And we’re not flirting.”

 “Don’t lie to us Linds, we know you and that hottie–”

 “Look! Our seats are this way!” Lindsey said loudly as she pushes through the crowd.

 “Is this supposed to be interesting?” Rose whispered to Sonnett as they watched the cars circle the track.

 “I don’t know,” Sonnett whispered back, “I don’t even know which one Y/N is.”

 “Whichever one Lindsey’s staring at,” Rose mumbled, watching as Lindsey leaned closer to the edge as one car drove by, “That one.”

 “Why couldn’t she have just invited her to a game rather than drag us down here?”

 “I can hear you two,” Lindsey said.

 “So why did you bring us here?”

 “I’m not sitting in the middle of redneck country by myself.”

 “I told you it was redneck country!” Rose said, “I told you!”

 “Whatever Rose, I– Look! She’s about to win! Go! Yes!” Lindsey jumped to her feet as Y/N’s car crossed the finish line before the others.

 “Great, she won, can we go now?” Rose asked.

 “We have to go meet up with her and say congrats, come on,” Lindsey grabbed Sonnett’s arm and pulled her out of her seat, and Sonnett grabbed Rose’s arm so she would be pulled along too.

 Lindsey pulled the two through the crowds, pushing everyone out of her way. Sonnett and Rose stumbled behind her, apologizing to everyone Lindsey pushed over. Finally, Lindsey stopped in front of a security guard, and Sonnett and Rose doubled over behind her, trying to catch their breath. Lindsey flashed a VIP pass to the guard and Sonnett and Rose were being pulled again.

 “Hey!” Y/N said as the three came into her sights.

 “Hey,” Lindsey said, blushing.

 “Congrats on the win,” Sonnett said.

 “Thanks!” Y/N said, “I’m glad you guys could make it.”

 “Oh yeah, real glad,” Rose muttered.

 “Hey,” Y/N turned to Lindsey, “I won.”

 “You did.”

 “Does that mean I can get whatever I want?” Y/N raised her eyebrows.

 “That depends on what it is,” Lindsey said.

 “I think I should, I won so I should get a reward,” Y/N said, “You wanna hear what I want?” Lindsey nodded. “I want you to be my girlfriend.” Lindsey grinned.

 “I guess it’s only fair, I mean you did win, so I guess I can be your girlfriend,” Lindsey said.

 “You seriously dragged us all the way here in the heat and the humidity and… Southerners, just to pick up a girl? You owe me big time Lindsey Horan! You owe me!”

[waveypedia]

and now, for my next number, i’d like to return to the classics

Rymin Week Day 7: Domestic

1 2 4 5 6

Ao3

~

It’s been years since he lived primarily in his van on tour, but Ryan will never not be grateful to always have a kitchen.

Early morning sunlight streams through the soft white curtains as he goes through the motions of breakfast. The curtains were a gift from one sister, the cookware a gift from their old manager before she got promoted. The sleek fridge, which Ryan opens next, was a careful purchase he and Min worked together to carefully pick out, as is the same for most of their furniture. The eggs he pulls out from inside it are from their local farmer’s market, where all the vendors know them by name. Not because they used to be semi-famous rock stars, but because they come by every week toting instruments to serenade the shoppers with.

Ryan coats the pan in nonstick cooking spray and cracks the eggs into it. Salts it. He puts the ingredients away while he’s waiting for it to cook and pours two glasses of water.

Then, all that’s left is the waiting.

Ryan finds one of his guitars leaning against the wall in the next room. Their apartment is chock-full of all kinds of musical instruments they’ve accumulated over the years. After all the fuss Ryan had to go through to get his first guitar as a teenager, it feels both strange and gratifying to see how far he’s come.

One instrument they do not have is a viola. Min has played it on his own, usually on lease from friends, but he won’t play it regularly enough to buy one. Ryan is more than happy with that.

Ryan sits down on top of the counter and plucks a few, soft notes on his chosen guitar. He doesn’t have any particular melody or song in mind; he just lets his fingers play what they wish.

In no time at all, the eggs finish cooking. Ryan regretfully sets down the guitar to flip them and slide them onto plates. Just as he’s turning off the stove, the sound of a door opening down the hall and resounding footsteps reaches his ears.

Ryan snorts.

His husband emerges into the kitchen, hair still messy from bed. Even after all these years, Ryan’s heart flutters at the sight of him.

Min leans down to steal a kiss off the top of Ryan’s head. “Ooh, eggs. Are those for me?”

Ryan swings the plate away, nearly spilling the coveted breakfast. “Of course not. I cook for myself. Never for my handsome husband.”

“Hmm, too bad.” Min grabs a fork and leans in for a bite. “Hey, these are good!”

Ryan laughs and leans against Min’s chest. “Almost as good as your ability to come running as soon as there’s food ready. I swear, Min, it’s superhuman.”

“Only if it’s your food,” Min promises, struggling not to laugh.

Ryan cackles. “Of course. I see how it is”

Min kisses him again and steps away. “I’ll get the table set if you plate the eggs and get some fruit, dear.”

“I can do better than that!” Ryan dishes out the eggs on two plates and cuts some oranges up. He walks over to the toaster and drops two pieces of toast in. “A full breakfast. How about that?”

Min laughs and pulls a tub of butter out of the fridge. “Lovely, thank you.” He peers at the plates. “Eggs and toast. How downright American of you. Would you like some bacon with that?”

 “Hey, at least it’s not post-war,” Ryan quips back. He stretches his arms over his head and sets the plates down on the table. “Eh, that would take too much time.” He leans over to peck Min’s cheek. “After all, I would hate to miss breakfast with my lovely husband.”

Min beams. “Good choice.” His wedding ring twinkles in the early morning sunlight.

Ryan sighs dreamily. “Man, am I glad I married you.”

“Me too.” Min’s smile is fond and so full of love it makes Ryan’s heart swell. When he smiles, all his wrinkles soften and curve upwards like little smiles themselves. Ryan loves to kiss each one.

“So.” Min straightens out and pulls out his phone. “We have a practice session at 4 today, booked at the venue for Saturday’s performance.”

“Okay, good.” Ryan nods. “I want to run through the new arrangement Train to Nowhere.”

Min shakes his head, chuckling. “We’ve been playing that song for forty years, Ryan. Shouldn’t you know it inside and out?”

“I just want to tweak some things for this arrangement,” Ryan shoots back, not unkindly.

“Ryan.” Min reaches across the table to lay his hand on top of Ryan’s. Their wedding rings make a soft clink sound when Min’s hits his. “It’s going to be fine. The fans love that song, as do we. We know it well.”

  I know, I know.” Ryan squeezes Min’s hand and glances away. His eyes catch on a vase of beautiful purple flowers. I need to water those today, he notes offhandedly. “That’s why I want it to be as good as it can be.”

“It will be,” Min promises.

Ryan smiles. “I believe you.”

Min laughs, reaching across with his other hand to squeeze Ryan’s cheek gently. Ryan laughs, batting his hand away. “Of course you do. You should listen to your husband more often, Ryan.”

“What are you talking about? I always listen to you,” Ryan snorts.

Min waggles his finger. “Ah-ah, that sheet music you bought last week would beg to differ,” he says. “I told you we already had it in a songbook somewhere.”

Ryan crosses his arms, faux-affronted. “Excuse me for wanting more music to play!”     

“I don’t care about that. Just spend our money on music we don’t already have,” Min says, leaning back in his chair with a smile.

Ryan shrugs and lets out a small huff of laughter. “I can do that.”

“Good.” Min gets up to clear their plates. “I’m going to go grocery shopping and then call my parents. Do you need anything?”

“No, but I’ll pop on that call if you don’t mind,” Ryan replies, standing up. “And can you grab some cheese? And the-“

“Those crackers you like, the ones that come in the blue box, I know, I know,” Min says, laughing and shaking his head affectionately. “It’s on the list.”

Ryan walks over and wraps an arm around his husband. “Ah, you know me so well. Thanks, babe.”

Min shrugs him off, laughing. “Stop calling me that! It’s not classy!”

“Pfft, okay.” Ryan kisses Min on the cheek before releasing him. “See you in a few hours?”

“You know it.” Min waves and kisses him goodbye before he’s out the door.

Ryan hums softly to himself as he cleans up the kitchen. It starts out as a B-side from one of Chicken Choice Judy’s earlier albums - their third, if memory serves correctly. Four years after they’d escaped the train, when their career was steadily taking off and they started touring outside of North America.

Ryan shook his head, chuckling softly to himself as he wiped a dish clean. “Man, what a time.”

As he works, the tune slowly shifts into something more original and unique. Something new. When he notices the change, he immediately scrambles for a pen and paper. Luckily, there’s a large notebook of blank sheet music in the drawer under the microwave for this exact reason.

Ryan flips past pages of sheet music penned from similar scenarios to a blank page. He leans against the counter, writing down notes and chords and lyrics as time slips away. Before he knows it, he has a full song on his hands and Min’s returned.

“Hey, honey,” Min says, dropping the grocery bags on the kitchen table and leaning in for a kiss. “Whatcha got there?”

Ryan tips the sheet music notebook over so Min can see. “A new song. I’m calling this one ‘Sunsets’ for now. What do you think?”

Min hums thoughtfully as he peruses the notes. “It sounds pretty, Ryan! May I suggest a ukulele rift here?” He taps the third line down as he talks. “I think that would add to the image.”

Ryan grins. “You’re a genius, Min.” He’s said similar statements many times over their forty-year music-writing career, but it never gets old.

Min preens, laughing. “Oh, I know. I’m gonna call my parents in a few, okay?”

“Sure. Call me when you’re ready.” Ryan doesn’t take his eyes off the music as Min leaves.

When he eventually hits a block, he puts away the groceries. He’s just finished when Min pokes his head out of the office door and beckons.

 “Hello, Ryan!” Min’s mother greets when he steps inside. “Lovely to see you.”

“You as well, 어머님,” he replies, squeezing into the office chair next to Min. It’s not supposed to be big enough to fit them both, but they always seem to manage. Min laughs and tries to bat him off, but it’s halfhearted at this point. Ryan has been doing it for long enough that Min gave up a while ago. Besides, they both know Min likes the subtle affection.

“Just get another chair,” Min’s father grumbles, not unkindly. His wife gives him a small nudge on the shoulder.

“Leave them alone. Let them enjoy each other’s company,” Min’s mother replies, shaking her head in mirth. “If they’re still in their honeymoon phase after all this time, that’s on them.”

“엄마, please,” Min sighs, burying his head in his hands. His mother just laughs.

--

At precisely four P.M., he and Min are settled onstage at Saturday’s venue. It happens to be a beautiful outdoor amphitheater with vines and greenery gently climbing up the pillars holding up the stage’s ceiling. The audience area is open-sky and curves gently downward, like a bowl.

Ryan stands in the center of said “bowl”, guitar hanging from his shoulders by its strap. He raises his arms to the sky and spins, taking in everything.

From his place onstage, behind his synthesizer, Min laughs. “What are you doing?”

“Just taking in the sights.” Ryan does a final spin for good measure before turning to face Min. “It really is quite pretty.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Min gazes up at the orange-tinted sky with a soft smile. “Our manager really outdid herself with the booking this time. We’ll have to thank her.”

Ryan clambers up on the stage, silently wincing at the height gap between the audience floor and stage floor. He’s really not as young as he used to be, is he? “Should we send her flowers?”

“I think she really liked the sunflowers we got her last time. They were on her living room table when we visited her.” Min places his fingers on the keys, hovering just above them. “Maybe chocolate, too.”

Ryan laughs. “How cliché. Is there something I should know?” He waltzes over to Min and wraps a lazy arm around his husband, leaning all of his weight into Min’s shoulders.

Min laughs and shoves him off. “Please, do I have to come out to you again? Not all of us are interested in women, you know.”

“And what a great loss to the female community it is. The ladies of the Min-Gi Park fan club will have to go in mourning,” Ryan giggled. “But really, flowers and chocolate sound nice. She’ll like it.”

Min gave him a thumbs-up. “Sound check?”

Ryan gives his guitar an experimental strum. It echoes across the amphitheater beautifully, filling the bowl with sound and vibration. He whoops. “Let’s get this party started!”

“Not until Saturday, or else we’ll have some very unhappy neighbors to contend with,” Min admonishes, laughing. His fingers fly across the keys. “I’m good too.”

Ryan taps his mic. “Then let’s get ready to rock!” His voice booms across the venue. A few peacefully roosting birds take flight, squawking indignantly.

Min rolls his eyes. “Leave the poor birds alone, and you have a deal.”

“Please, we all know they just want to hear us play.” Ryan fishes his guitar pick from his jacket pocket and holds it poised over his guitar strings. “How do you feel about Train to Nowhere as a warm-up?”

“Fine by me,” Min says. His eyes don’t leave his synth. “It’s my favorite song to play with you, Ryan.”

“Well, of course,” Ryan says. “It’s what got us together, after all. In more ways than one.”

Min laughs. “Well, I can’t argue with that. Care to count us off?”

“Oh, I was just waiting for you to ask.” Ryan raises his pick and grins. “Five, six, eleven, twelve!”

Somewhere in Canada, the sun sets over a practicing music duo in the early 2020s. They laugh and goof around on an empty stage as birds and a few curious passerby stop to watch. The notes of their original hit song, “Train to Nowhere,” grace the evening air.

In the middle of the song, their eyes meet. They do not speak outside of the song lyrics, but an entire conversation passes through their gaze. It’s all they can do to not run to each other and hug each other right then and there.

After all, Ryan and Min-Gi Akagi-Park have lived a lifetime with each other. And they will live out the rest of their lives with each other, happy and content beyond imagination. 

~

i'm not korean so i'm not sure if the words i used for min's mother are right. if anyone knows better and sees i'm wrong, please tell me! the website said the word min uses ( 엄마 / eomma) is the informal way to say mom, and you only use it for your own mother. the word ryan uses ( 어머님 / eomeonim ) is formal and often used for mothers-in-law. eomma is really similar to the hebrew word for mother, which is amma. i think that's fascinating because hebrew and korean are not similar languages at all. lingustics as a whole is fascinating because you can see where languages and dialects split off from each other and where/why that happened in history. it's also really cool to see languages so similar to each other you can communicate with someone else in two different languages. languages also have cognants (not sure if i'm spelling that right) where a word is basically the same across multiple languages. it's really interesting to see in this modern world of quick and easy communication how many cognants we have, especially for semi-recent terms (the technology unit in french was SO easy). anyway sorry for the tangent i just really love linguistics

man i wasn't planning to write for today until i realized i'd overestimated the chapter count and it felt weird to not write aksdgfjs. i hope i can keep to this schedule of writing every day but school will probably put a hard stop to that. gotta get out as much writing as i can before then! i started writing this at like 9pm i'm so sorry if it's messy dkfhjfkd

we've come full circle! this started with baby rymin and now we have much older rymin. poetic cinema........

the euphoria i got everytime i wrote "his husband"......... they are MARRIED gamers!!!!!

this is a callout post for every time i pour myself a bowl of chips at my aunt and uncle's house and all five of them suddenly think my bowl is a free-for-all even though the bag is sitting right there. stop i am not a chip dispensary. do not be min-gi akagi-park leave my chips alone

title is from uhhhh i don't know what it was called (some indie thing) but it was in my last winterguard show (fuck covid i wanted a senior season) and it just popped into my head. or it might have just been a voice line from something i heard it in another show with different music. whatever it's almost 1 am i'll look it up later. i put it on my titles doc (which is 90% song lyrics and which my brother likes to call the "song lyric moodboard" even though it's just a bullet list) out of impulse and nostalgia and never really intended to use it but it actually fits really well here?? who knew

it didn't make it in but i imagine that ryan and min have a parrot named kez and they've taught it some of kez's favorite and most iconic phrases. imagine you are visiting acclaimed musical duo chicken choice judy's house and you hear a parrot squawk at you "Why do you hate fun, Min." another thing that kind of made it in but not quite was that ryan has all those weird guitars. im picturing this one my temporary songleading teacher at camp, who's a professional musician and probably the most famous jewish folk artist out there (which is a very niche group so he's not really famous), brought out once. it was really small and had like eight tiny strings all crammed in together and it both fascinated and terrified me. i have no idea how you can play that without accidentally pressing all the wrong strings all the time but dan nichols can do it so i've decided ryan can do it too

tomorrow is au day... you know what that means... *shoves rymin into my current hyperfixation*

if you ever wanna talk infinity train, writing, these amazing characters, or really anything hmu here on my tumblr or on twitter! thank you for reading, and please leave a reblog/like/comment if you enjoyed it!

@ryminweek

[suchalonelysunflower]

“Snapchat Memories”

(Calum Hood X Reader || Fluff)

A

Summary: Y/N is in denial about the new romantic feelings towards the bassist of 5SOS. Luckily, Snapchat keeps their memories alive.

Warnings: Strong Language, mentions of the pandemic and quarantine, nicotine addiction and alcohol. bad English (not my first language, sorry)

Word Count: 2.7 K

A/N: My first Calum Fic on my first post on my new blog! So exited!! Please comment and reblog if you want 🦋 Feedback is always welcomed!

You’re sitting in a black leather couch. It doesn’t bother you that it’s old and in dyer need of cleaning. You were with him and that’s all that mattered now.

When Calum invited you to the studio today, your immediate response was ‘yes’. It’s been weeks since you have seen him. After the pandemic, the guys went on tour almost immediately, not trying to waste anymore time without being on stage and seeing their fans. So you didn’t have much time to catch up in real life.

You were always in touch though, always FaceTiming and texting… But you’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss him to death.

Calum has been your best friend for years. He tried to flirt with you once at a party years ago and it backfired horribly when he spilled his drink on you. He was mortified, but you laughed it off. Ever since that day you were inseparable.

You were there for all the major events, the concerts and tours. You became close not only with Calum, but with the rest of the boys as well, they practically adopted you as one of them by now and you couldn’t be prouder of how far those 4 Australians idiots came.

But being so close to them came with also being shipped with them, specially Calum. You brushed it off at first, saying ‘we’re like family!’ Time and time again someone asked. And it was true at the beginning, but lately something’s changed.

Lately you would wait by the phone, hoping his name would show up. You found yourself smiling like an idiot every time he texted you or you were just thinking about him and all the moments you spent together, trying to decipher if, maybe, he thought of you as being more than just friends. At first you thought it was just your quarantined brain making it all up, that it was impossible for him and you to have romantic feelings for each other.

But you couldn’t deny the way your heart stopped every time you saw him, or the way your eyes lingered on his body when he’s playing, or the way the sound of his laugh could make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside…. You couldn’t deny it, but you were determined to push them away. It’s not like he felt the same anyways.

You smiled while you watched him play with some random notes on his bass, immerse in his own thoughts and smiling a little bit when he heard something he liked. It was a sight for sore eyes seeing him so free and joyful while doing something he loved. He lived for his music and it showed.

“You’re about to burn a hole on him if you keep staring like that” you heard a voice say next to you.

Michael plowed down next to you on the couch, waking you up from your daydream. You looked at him and rolled your eyes.

“I’m not staring”

“Like hell you’re not” He stated, laughing “You were undressing him with your eyes a few seconds ago!”

Okay, that earned him a punch in the arm.

“Shut up, Clifford! I’m just thinking” you said annoyed.

“Yeah, ways to take off his pants…”

You blushed at his comment and got your fist ready to punch him again, this time to actually hurt him a little bit. But he quickly catched your fist before you could actually touch him.

“Oh, c'mon Y/N! I’m only joking”

“Well that joke’s getting old now, Michael. It’s been going on for years, so get over it. And besides…” your gaze met the floor “We’re only friends, nothing more”

“Yeah? Keep telling yourselves that” He said. But before you could ask what he meant by that, he was already up and entering the recording booth.

He said something to Calum that made him look up at you and smile.

You’re sure that only an angel could smile like that.

An hour passed and you found yourself outside the studio, cigarette on your hand and a nicotine cloud around your head.

You were trying to quit, but it’s easier said than done. You took another puff and released the smoke towards the sky, your eyes got lost on the scenery for a while. There were no sunsets like the LA ones, that’s for sure. The sky seemed photoshopped, you could see how the clouds were puffy and light and how the colors pink, orange and purple mixed together the perfect ethereal sight, they were saying goodbye and hello at the same time.

You could’ve watched the sky forever, but the ding of a new notification on your phone kept you from doing that.

It was a Snapchat memory from a few years ago. You opened it, curious of what you might find and if it was worth remembering, hoping it could distract you for a while.

On the first video you saw yourself in a car, you had that stupid filter that made your voice high pitched and widen your mouth and eyes. You were singing along to a random Ariana Grande’s song when you suddenly moved the camera towards the person next to you. Now it was Calum’s face the one with the filter, but his face was serious.

“I’m not gonna sing it, Y/N!” He said trying to sound stern, unaware that the voice filter made him sound anything but.

“Cal! You promised”

“No I’m not gonna…. This is the part where I say I don’t wanna…” he sang to the camera when the chorus came blasting through the radio.

You smiled at the memory of you two singing together, completely out of tune and messing up the words until you heard a “Shut up” from one of the boys, probably Ashton.

Then the story continued, this time it was a picture of you pouting with a message that said: “When your friend puts you on time out for something you didn’t do”

You tapped the screen and another video came up. It was clear that you were backstage of one of their concerts, Calum was standing in the middle of the dressing room talking to Michael when your voice cut him off.

“Can I please be free?” You tried to plead.

Calum turned to you with his signature ‘are u kidding me’ face and said:

“Not until you think about what you did and say you’re sorry”

“I didn’t eat your chocolate! I swear” you most definitely did, unknowingly yes, but it wasn’t something you’d admit.

The video ended when Michael started laughing at you and you flipped him off.

You giggled to yourself, happy that Snapchat existed and had all your memories storage. You were going to move on to the next part of your story when a voice next to you made you jump.

“So, did you or did you not eat my chocolate that day?”

You didn’t notice that Calum was beside you until he startled you. He was leaning up against the wall, his own cigarette lighted up as he looked at you with an amused face, making your heart flip as you took him in.

“You should quit, you know?” You said pointing at his cigarette, trying to sound unbothered by the loud beating of your heart.

“I’ll do it when you do it”

Calum’s eyes were fixed on yours. His smile never faded.

“But you’re changing the topic”

“I’m not changing the topic” you answered “I’m avoiding it”

“So you did eat it!”

“Calum, it was years ago! I don’t remember”

“Well someone’s a liar” he laughed “Whacha doing?”

“Snapchat‘s just showing me some memories of a few years ago. I think it’s that concert on Phoenix”

Calum came closer to you, laying his head on your shoulder. You swore you stopped breathing for a second there, but forced yourself to control it. He was just your friend.

The story continued with some concert videos you took from backstage. You felt your face get warmer as you noticed that most of them were of Calum giving his all on stage, but he didn’t seem to notice.

The last video was of the boys stepping out of the stage, each one of them giving you a high five when they passed you by. All of them except Calum. When he saw you, he started running towards you and lifted you up over his shoulders, carrying you towards the dressing room again.

“Ugh, let me go you sweaty boy!” You said of camera, mocking a disgust tone.

“Never! Sweaty or not, you love me”

You let out a defeated sigh before answering softly “Yeah, I guess I do”

The stories ended with that last bit, leaving a bittersweet taste on your mouth. Calum lifted his head off your shoulders and you shivered.

“Are you cold?”

“Yeah” you nodded “It’s my fault for not bringing a jacket”

Calum smiled and in a quick move he took off his jacket and put it around your shoulders, adjusting it a little bit.

“Cal, you don’t have to do that” you said lowering your gaze.

But he was still standing in front of you, hands adjusting his jacket around your frame.

“But I want to, Y/N” he said softly.

In a brave move, you shoot your eyes up, only to find his already looking at you, taking you in. Almost like he wanted to remember you like this.

“Y/N, I…”

He started, not taking his eyes of you or stepping back. You were holding your breath, scared of what he’s going to say.

“I really missed you”

You smiled softly, trying to hide your disappointment.

“I missed you too, Calum”

“No, I really missed you” he said more seriously “Not only when we were in quarantine, or when we left for tour. I’m talking about when you’re ten minutes away in your home, or when we’re at the same party but at different ends, and even ten minutes ago when you came here to smoke. Everytime you’re not here I find myself missing you more than I should, even if you’re in the same building”

You stared at him confused, it saying anything. He took it as a que to continue.

“I find myself thinking of you and needing you more than I should. And I don’t know why I’m saying this now, what made me brave enough to say it. Maybe because, after seeing those videos something clicked and I realized that I want that with you. I want you to be with me, to be part of my life as long as possible”

“Calum, I’m always going to be there…” you said quietly. But he shook his head, bringing you even closer to him.

“Y/N… I know that and I don’t mean it like that I’m just” his voice suddenly sounded weak with the last few words, shifting his gaze from your eyes to your lips, looking at you almost pleading “I’m afraid of screwing the best thing in my life”

“What do..?” But you couldn’t finish the questions as Calum brought his lips to yours.

You were taken aback at first, but you kissed him back as soon as your head wrapped around on what was happening. His hands were on the jacket as he pulled you close to him. His lips were soft and tasted sweet on yours. It finally happened, you kissed your best friend and it was everything you’d hope for.

You hummed into the kiss, giving him more access in your mouth. There was no battle for dominance, but rather a dance of your mouths together, enjoying the intimacy. Your hands flew directly to his hair while his went down and grabbed you by your waist, molding you together as one piece of a whole. You realized in that moment that there was no other place you’d rather be than in Calum’s embrace.

After a while, you were the first one to pull away when the lack of air was apparent. Calum chased your lips when he felt them apart and rested his forehead against yours.

“Y/N, I don’t know if you noticed but I don’t want to be friends anymore” he said, eyes closed and trying to catch his breath.

“Well, that’s a cruel way to say it” you teased with a smile.

Calum gave you a small giggle as he stood straight, looking at you properly.

“I should’ve done that a long time ago” He said caressing you cheek with his hand.

“How much long ago?”

“Honestly? Since I threw that beer on you the first time we met”

You both laugh and you pulled him close to you again, wrapping your arms around his waist and hiding your face on his chest.

“But seriously tho, I should’ve said something a long time ago. The boys were right to tease me about it”

“The boys?” You asked, looking at him without moving form the embrace.

“They all knew I had a big crush on you for the longest time. Always teased me that I was being too obvious but didn’t do shit about it and that it was painful to watch”

“Well, it wasn’t that obvious. I didn’t know a thing” you laugh “But if it makes you feel better, I also had a huge crush on you for a long time and they teased me about it as well”

“Our friends are assholes” he said laughing with you.

“Hey! Don’t call us that!” You heard someone yell.

Looking up, you saw your other three best friends watching you two from a window, smirking like idiots.

“It’s about time you two!”

“Y/N and Calum sitting in a tree K I S S I N G”

Calum flipped them off as they started singing, pretending to be annoyed “Fuck off!” but his huge smile betrayed him.

“How about we get out of here?” You asked

“Great idea” he said, bringing you closer to him once again, and kissing you softly for a moment “I’ll bring your bag and the keys of my car. Wait for me?”

You smiled.

“I’m not going anywhere”

Calum went inside once more. You looked up to see three smiling faces smiling back at you.

“You really love that boy, don’t ya?” Asked Luke.

“Yeah, I guess I do”

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ THE DRAWING ❜

with Neron ‘Creeper’ Vargas.

Request: Hi lovely! No idea if this'll make it in for the first 10, but please can I request one with Creeper where you're a bar tender for the club but you draw in your free time. Creep has a crush on you and one day one of the guys tease you because they realise you're drawing Creeper and he defends you because he thinks its super sweet and then asks you out on a date? 💖

BY @mycupoffanfiction

Warnings: none.

Word count: about 1.5k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to my wonderful @sonsofeorl, who is making me such beautiful gifs ✨

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“LOOK AT THAT!”

You were peacefully drawing before starting your turn at the clubhouse, sitting on a couch on the porch. In front of your pencil, Creeper was fixing something in the engine of his bike. Until Angel takes off your sketchbook from your hands, laughing and with the clear intention of teasing you, calling everyone attention. Jumping off from the couch, you try to grab it, but when he decides to raise his arm over his head, you know that you're fucked up. You have been badly in love with Creeper since you met him. He used to be extremely kind with you, always taking care of you of whatever you need, without having to ask for it, or without complaining about it.

“Angel, give it to me”. You have one hand on his left shoulder, jumping and trying to reach the sketchbook with the other. But he's so tall, that you can't grab it.

“WERE YOU DRAWING CREEPER?” He starts to laugh louder, feeling your cheeks burning and stopping every move of your body, to punch his chest.

You can't turn at Neron, really ashamed, running inside the clubhouse to hide yourself. Bishop and Taza look at you from the pool table a little confused, until they hear the conversation outside.

“Damn… It's really good”. EZ says, touring with his eyes every minimal detail.

“Let me see”. Gilly holds it after cleaning his hands, nodding in agreement. “She fucking drawn his tattoos, damn”.

“Hey, yo', shitheads!” Creeper takes the sketchbook of his huge fingers, closing it without looking at it. “Yo' fucking assholes, leave the kid in peace”.

“Carnal, you should see it”.

“If she doesn't show me, I'm not allowed to see it. Neither of you all”.

Knowing that you were drawing him really melts his heart, starting to think that maybe you too feel something about him. Walking towards the bar, the president moves his head pointing at the hallway to the dorms, making him nod just one time. But actually, he just has to follow your sobs and the curses in spanish to the closed bathroom.

You're sitting on the floor, against the wall, with both legs curled and surrounded by your arms. The only thought that crosses your head is that, if you could have any chance with him, Angel burned it down. You shouldn't draw him, at least, not without asking. And probably he must be thinking that you're crazy or that it's weird. Or both. You don't even know if you're going to look him at the face again.

The knocks on the door pushes you out of your thoughts, raising your crying eyes terrified. Breathing deep, you get up from the floor, walking slow to it. Slightly opening the door, a tattooed hand appears holding your sketchbook.

“Did you…?” You whisper with a low tone of voice, taking it.

“No, and I'm sorry about what Angel did”.

Finally, letting him see you, he clicks his tongue a little upset.

“I'm sorry too for… drawing you. I hope they don't annoy you for much long”. You have your gaze on your feet, unable to lift it up.

“Can you show it to me?”

Frowning confused, and narrowing your eyes, you look for the sketch with trembling fingers. Turning it under them, Creeper leans forward taking some seconds to admire it. He likes it. Actually, he likes it too much. You have drawn him perfectly, not knowing about your skills with a pencil. He's really fascinated, holding the sketchbook to look at it closer. As he heard Gilly, focusing somewhat better his orbs, he can see the tattoos on his neck perfectly placed over the paper. Even the badge of his Harley is on it.

“Didn't know you… can do things like that”.

“Tell me you're talking about the draw and not about being… creepy”. You mutter rubbing your nose, slowly raising your gaze towards his. The gesture on his face races your heart, with parted lips

He suddenly breaks into hoarse laughs, shaking his head, and you can swear that it's the best thing you have ever heard. Fleeting smiling you tear off the drawing to offer it to him.

“Keep it, if you like”.

“Really?” He asks slightly frowning, moving your hand close to him, insisting. “Yo! Mama… thanks. It's pretty cool. I mean… You draw in an amazing way”.

He holds it between both hands, smirking at you like a child who is receiving the best Christmas gift of his life.

“I was thinking that maybe you would like to share some beers, after finishing your turn”. You can notice how he's trying to hide the nerves in his voice, surprising you for both facts. For the invitation, and for his feelings.

“Ah… Yes… Yes, 'course!” Quickly answering, you nod taking a step to get out of the bathroom.

“'key. So you can tell me about this hobby”.

“Yeah, sure”.

“Cool, ah... I have to go back. See you later”. He says, leaning at you to kiss your cheek.

You can watch him walking away through the hallway, happily focused again on your draw. And you're not sure how to feel, but you're about to have a heart attack.

While working in the bar, serving beers and shots with EZ, you have caught Creeper some times looking at you from his seat, spending more time inside the clubhouse than outside, like it's not normal for him. But what makes you tickle in your stomach is the way he has to push away every Vicki's girl who tries to sit on his lap, or to sit too close to him. And maybe that means something.

“Hey, kid. Table”. Tranq appears through the glass door.

Checking the hour on the screen of your phone, you get somewhat nervous when you notice that your turn is already done. Palming EZ's back, you step out from the bar after cleaning your hands, leading your steps to the inside of the Templo. The olders are there, counting money and dividing it into four rows. One is yours.

“Sorry about Angel, querida”. Bishop says when you're close to him. You just shrug.

Putting inside an envelope your salary of the last two weeks, he offers it to you.

“Yeah, he's a little stupid sometimes”. Taza chuckles, surrounding your waist with an arm and resting his head on your other side.

“Nah, it's okay”. You reply, putting an arm on vice's shoulders.

“You okay with Creep'?”

“Yes, yes. Don't worry. We are gonna share some beers now”.

“Uh, I'm feeling jealous”. Che says laughing loud.

“Nah, you are my fav”.

“That shit hurts, kid”. Tranq adds with feigned annoyance.

“Go get your boy, kid. And enjoy”. Bishop says, before letting you go to have your own party.

The other Mayan is already waiting for you with two cold beers in his hand and a cig in the other, sitting on a sofa next to his brothers. You can feel the same nerves on him that inside you, when you finally meet again. He gets up showing you a huge smile, placing one of his tattooed arms around your back, ignoring a ‘you are welcome’ from Angel. He's actually very proud of what he did unconsciously, looking at you two stepping out from the clubhouse to the sofas on the porch. Falling down on it, you curl your legs over it and against your chest, grabbing one of the drinks to have a sip.

“Why did you start to write?” He finally asks, seeming so interested in it that your insecurities come up.

“My… parents used to fight every day when I was little. I was stressed, so I… started to scratch a paper with a pencil until it was totally black”.

Maybe it's not what he was expecting, but now he looks more focused in every word your vocal chords pronounce.

“But it started to be insufficient. And I found out that concentrating all my senses in drawing, it was like I was alone in the world. So, now it helps me to disconnect, whenever I feel low”.

“You weren't feeling okay this evening?” Creeper asks, sounding worried.

“Yeah, no… I was feeling okay, I mean… I was just stalling and you looked good fixing your bike”.

“Yeah, I saw that”. He can't help but laugh nodding, drinking from his beer after having the last smoke.

“Did they… tease you too much?”

“Nah, I don't care. At least, I earned some kind of date with you”. Crashing softly the two bottles, he makes a toast. “For the first of many more”.

“Okay, next time, I wanna talk about your tattoos”.

“That's gonna be a long one, mama”.

✨ Tag list:

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[timextoxhajima]

HOSTIS, Chapter I: Primi Foederis, The First Meeting

Member: Lee Hyunjae (tbz)

Genre (by chapter): angst, drama, comedy featuring doctor hyunjae 

Category: Short Novel/ Long Series (because i’m expecting to invest quite a lot of effort into this)

A/N: YEET back with another short novel idk how long this one is going to run. i’m already predicting it’s going to be longer than chaebol juyeon because i have alot of ideas waiting to come out in this one, let’s see if i butcher it LOL. this is the first piece of work i’m posting on tumblr that isn’t part of my playlist feels collection because i don’t think i’ll be able to find a track that fits every chapter well like i’ve been doing for my playlist feels collection. any-o-how, hopefully this is gonna go well... and i’ll see you on the other side ;)

“i’ve invested so much time and effort to make sure i will never have to see you again...” 

“but i must’ve done something unforgivable in my past life for fate to put us in the same place,”

“...even after a decade.”

the amygdala helps coordinate responses to things in one’s environment, especially those that trigger an emotional response. 

this structure plays an important role in anger.

the rapid, minimal, and evaluative processing of the emotional significance of the sensory data is done when the data passes through the amygdala in its travel from the sensory organs along certain neural pathways towards the limbic forebrain. 

emotion caused by discrimination of stimulus features, thoughts, or memories however, occurs when its information is relayed from the thalamus to the neocortex.

based on some statistical analysis, some doctors have suggested that the tendency for anger may be genetic. 

but that’s not the case for you. 

usually, you’d run your thoughts through your head before you spat them out, but the sight of him was enough to make you want to regurgitate your breakfast.

“you have to be shitting me.”

not one pinch of regret shows in your words, and all you could do was stare in utter disbelief at the man standing right opposite you. the department head had a clipboard in his hand as he flipped through it, only pausing when he heard your cold, yet frustrated tone buried in your expression. 

“oh,” he releases the sheets of paper in his hand and places the clipboard down on the table he was leaning on. “so you know each other.”

the gleaming sunlight was shining into the room behind the man standing directly opposite you, and the department head was resting his rear against the edge of the desk between the two of you. 

the years of hard work finished themselves as certificates and plaques of achievements that hung on the wall behind him, and from the corner of your eye, you could almost see your own enraged facial expression in the reflection off the awards. 

“well, that makes things a lot easier for me, but i am still obligated to facilitate a proper introduction -- meeting -- or whatever the two of you want to call it,” the glasses on his nose would’ve fallen off if he didn’t push them back up his nose bridge.

your eyes were darting back and forth between the department head and the last person you’d ever want to see, or even have within your reach. your jaw was locked and your temples were so tight, you could feel a vein slowly exposing itself on your forehead.

“y/n, this is doctor lee hyunjae, and the both of you will be my mentees for the next two weeks.”

i know his fucking name--

“so until those two weeks are up, i wouldn’t expect anything less than the two of you following me around like little puppies,”

puppies? just call us dogs and that’ll already be half the truth.

“and after that, there’ll be a high chance that you’ll both need work on a research project with the research department--”

“‘research department’?” you blurt out rudely, but the department head doesn’t look like he could care less. 

“did i say that wrong?” he raises an indifferent brow at you, arms crossed over his chest while he pulls his shoulder blades backwards. 

there was no way you would’ve complained about med school being so difficult if you knew this day was coming. the energy required to contain your desire to punch lee hyunjae in the nose and ram your knee into his groin was enough to drain you in that very moment. 

you would’ve passed out if you weren’t standing in the department head’s office.

“i agree it’s not like the hospital to put two young doctors to work on a research project, but the work the both of you did in your respective schools were a little difficult for the research department to ignore.”

‘respective schools’...

the silence becomes deafening, and the department head starts to smack his lips awkwardly loudly. “so if you have no further questions for now, i’d like you to fill up some administrative forms for the hospital to finalise, and then i’ll see you in the cafeteria for lunch at twelve,” he pulls out some sheets of paper from the clipboard and hands it to the two of you after slotting them into clear files. 

“after lunch, i’ll give you one more tour around the hospital and a more detailed orientation of the north wing where the research department is... and the east wing where the neurology department is, which the two of you would be officially attached to and on document.”

you skim through the documents in the file, and your eyes naturally travel back up to look at your mentor. 

“so if there are no further questions, you may go.”

both you and lucifer bow to your mentor, and he waits for the both of you to leave the office before he returns to his huge leather seat. 

you let yourself out the door, not bothering to hold it open for your colleague. the grip on the clear file was tightening every second and you don’t realise you were on the verge of crumpling the contents of it. every muscle and feature on your face were compressed in itself, but luckily it doesn’t catch the attention of passing hospital staff and patients walking along the hall way.

the reflection off the frame of the lift tells you that your lips were white from the airtight closure, and you jab the lift button like you hated it. 

“just so you know, i’m not fond of the idea of being stuck with you for an indefinite amount of time either.”

“ha,” you scoff, watching him stand a safe distance behind you in the reflection. “i must be so lucky for you to be able to read my expression and distaste... especially with how hard i tried to hide it.”

he snorts behind you, and the air hits the hair of your ponytail. 

“you’ve never been able to hide your feelings anyway,” 

this piece of--

“so it would be such an honor to even see you try.”

your eye twitches and your lips pucker in rage at the smug tone in his voice. you turn on one heel and raise the file, ready to swing it into his face. 

“you--”

he grabs your wrist, waiting for your strength in your forearm to dissipate. you begin to writhe your way out of his grip with pursed lips, and he drops it like it wasn’t attached to you.

you take a step back towards the lift and mindlessly pat down your white coat, glaring at him with eyes you wish had daggers. 

“nice to know your temper hasn’t changed.”

“i have a designated type of temper when it comes to you, not because i have anger management issues.”

the lift arrives and the doors open to reveal an empty space, pouring a bucket full of agony and scorn over your head when the realisation of being stuck with lee hyunjae for an indefinite amount of time sinks into your neurons. 

just being around lee hyunjae was so difficult to swallow. 

if you weren’t in a hospital with patients who had an actual reason to throw up, you would’ve done it in plain sight. 

if you knew there were no laws to sentence you to death for murder, you would’ve stabbed him in the eye.

if you weren’t a doctor who took a pledge to only save lives just under a week ago, you would’ve poisoned him with some godforsaken virus mankind has found a way to contain. 

you would’ve enjoyed lunch and the tour of the hospital, despite it being your third time wandering around the compound, if it weren’t for the fact that the last person you wanted to see was standing right next to you the entire duration.

becoming a doctor was nothing short of prestige and honour for your family, especially when you’ve come from a long line of neurosurgeons and relatives who would’ve spent more time inhaling the scent of a certain hospital than their own homes. 

it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that it was in your blood to follow in everybody else’s footsteps; your parents would’ve probably freaked out and started worrying that you were someone’s secret illegitimate child if you didn’t become one.

“you must be y/n,” the doctor who had white hair and a wrinkly forehead had to be peeled and shoved off the seat by your mentor for him to get up and greet you. 

“this is doctor kim, head of research for neurology,” your mentor introduces as doctor kim shakes your hand. 

“and you must be lee hyunjae,” he shakes lucifer’s hand. 

‘petty’ was a word nobody usually associated you with, but you busked in the little sprinkle of glory and smugness when you see lee hyunjae’s lips twitch in disgust when he shakes the hand that just touched yours. 

“if you’re working on research, then you will report to doctor kim--”

“i’ve seen both your reports and research work and they are phenomenal--”

“uh, doctor kim--”

“how did oxford manage to come up with this set of data?” he literally sweeps his bony, wrinkled hands across the table, looking for something you assume he took from lucifer’s application portfolio. 

“doctor--”

“and how did harvard even think about this link? it’s so mind-boggling, i must admit i haven’t really wrapped my head around it--”

“doctor kim!” 

the sharp call startles you, and everybody else in the office turns to provide the group of you their attention. 

“sorry,” your mentor raises his hand and gives a small apologetic bow. “doctor kim,” he gently removes the items the old research doctor has grasped in his hands and places them elsewhere on the table. 

you note that though doctor kim does not look a day older than sixty, he must’ve been losing his brain cells and composure from all the research he’s been doing.

“the two of them will be officially placed in the neurology department under me, but do you remember that email you sent to me about wanting them to join your team?”

“of course! what do you treat me as?” the elder man frowns and pulls off his glasses, fists resting on his hips and looking up at your mentor. 

the sight lifts your spirits a little, and you momentarily forget that lucifer was standing right next to you. 

“uh-- okay, well, all you gotta do is drop me an email about one week prior to whenever you need them, but for these two weeks they are still going to be trainees mentored by me, you follow?”

the elder man squints at him with eyes that scream ‘i’m not an idiot’, and your mentor takes the cue. 

“after the two weeks are up, just drop them an email one week prior to when you need them and you can cc them to me. they may be bright lights in the dark but it might not necessarily guide the right people.”

“will you shut your trap--” the elder doctor picks up a thick file and rams it into your mentor’s head. your eyes widen in shock, hand flying up to your mouth to hide your surprise at the sudden attack. lucifer stands by and crosses his arms over his chest, a light smile appearing over his lips.

“with enough honing and experience, they can go a long way,” he drops the file back onto his table. “you didn’t start here with as much potential as these kids do.”

“okay!” your mentor exclaims, turning around and waving the two of you away from the office space. “if that’s all doctor kim, we’re going to take our leave!”

“you better not let those kids think i’m a crazy old man!” he waves the thick file at all of you, and you give him a little wave while your mentor ushers the both of you out of the office space. 

a laugh escapes your nostrils, and your mentor looks down at you with a look of embarrassment while the three of you return to the lift lobby. 

“are you two close?” lucifer asks, pressing the button on the lift panel.

“he was my mentor when i first came here as a trainee, so he’s been looking after me since then, even after i stopped being his mentee.”

“oh,” you nod. “that’s nice.”

“well, he is getting on with age,” the lift arrives and he pauses while the hospital staff exit. someone in the crowd greets him. 

you and lucifer follow him inside, and he presses the button of the floor that connects the north wing to the east wing. 

“so it’s only a matter of time before he retires. i don’t want the hospital to be the last place he’s in and i don’t want the last time he was seen... alive... to be him burying his nose in his research papers. he doesn’t have his own family so he’s either alone at home or in the office and working until someone chases him home.”

“hasn’t the hospital or... i don’t know... you, talked to him about retiring?” 

the lift doors open, and you notice the pause in the air. 

lucifer’s question struck a chord somewhere, and your mentor was showing it. 

“both the hospital and i have talked to him about it, but it’s not easy leaving a place you love working in...”

a pause. 

“or at least a place you’ve been working it for more than forty years.”

he brings the both of you to the neurology department and returns the two of you to your neighbouring offices after he concludes the orientation and tour. 

the scent of the hospital would’ve been nauseating for some people, patients especially. but there was something about the way the place smelled that convinced you becoming a doctor was worth the effort and hard work. 

the way the air smelled like medicine and iv disinfectant made you hopeful for patients, the obligation for every surface to be spick and span never failed to satiate your need for hygiene. 

you were finally in a place you wanted to be.

the only downfall was that you were going to be stuck with lucifer for how long, you don’t even know. 

“so that concludes the tours and orientation. i hope it was adequate and even if it wasn’t, don’t hesitate to drop by my office and ask me anything you deem important enough to ask. otherwise you can just email me,” he slides his hands into his coat pockets. 

the two of you bow, ready to admire his back leaving the two of you before you could roll your eyes at each other. 

but he doesn’t leave.

“but before i go,” he raises a single pointer in the air, his other hand still in the pocket. “i’d like the both of you to know that the hospital has no space for... a lack of professionalism.”

you bite down on your bottom lip, slightly embarrassed. 

lucifer wasn’t going to let this go. 

“everybody has their differences, so i hope while the two of you have yours, it won’t affect your work here. the two of you are promising, and doctor kim wasn’t lying when he said the two of you have more potential than me when i first joined the hospital. with enough experience, the both of you could reach heights even i can only dream of.”

“oh, you flatter us,” lucifer provides a humble chuckle and waves it off. 

fake ass.

“i give credit where it’s due,” he returns his hand to the pocket. “so don’t prove me wrong.”

he doesn’t wait for either of you to respond before he walks off. the atmosphere hanging between the two of you was so still, so cold, so frozen, you were almost afraid that if you moved first, he was going to burst into some maniacal laughter. 

you suck in a deep breath, your eyes fluttering shut as the cold air sours your nose. the inhalation causes a sharp ache in your chest, not that it bothered you. 

“if he says that we both have potential, then i guess that puts us on the same pedestal.”

light seeps in through your lids and you watch the other hospital staff walk in and out of the office, his words running into your ear canals and sinking into the flesh of your brain. 

your hear lucifer turn around, and the pens in his pockets click against each other upon his movement. your eyes fixate on a clock on the wall opposite you and beyond some smaller cubicles. the red, digital numbers hanging right between the two lifts glaring at you like a demon’s eyes.

you hear the door of his office click and the friction of the rubber on the bottom of the glass door brushes against the carpeted floor. 

“you know,”

you sense the stoppage in his movements upon hearing the sudden words leaving your lips. 

“i’ve invested so much time and effort to make sure i will never have to see you again...”

a smile of pain and despair pulls the corners of your lips up your cheek, and you turn your head enough to see him in the corner of your eye. 

“but i must’ve done something unforgivable in my past life for fate to put us in the same place.”

you turn back and look at the clock, everyone’s movements within your field of vision slowing down. 

“...even after a decade.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2: Antiquum Fabulum