#we do we learn we vibe

[your-fave-is-bi]

Painted n dry sets + just painted set, second coat drying

I only made the red raw meat set, the rest were made by my sister n just never got to the being inked stage lol

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

a couple scribbles i cleaned up. also i think i like drawing him in varying states of distress

[dkettchen]

she would've told them unlike her canon! version who decided not to be an ally smh

[iamhereinthebg]

Let's talk about the clock keepers in the new chapter!!

It's not a surprise to see that they had more in their sleeves, putting up an act to get all the information they wanted. Kako said it after all, he is the one observing. And he will gather what he needs before making a move, showing he deserves his title as the oldest supernatural. Hanako being the leader doesn’t seem to matter a lot to him in the end. He clearly has had his plan for a long time. It's not a shock to see he recognizes what came back with Tsukasa from the red house, probably knowing the entity from before.

Even if it was an act and all of them knew what the end result would be. The reactions Akane and Mirai had for each other in the last chapter were real. Akane was never shield in the manga, being the one doing it most of the time. So his reaction towards Mirai taking the blow for him is absolutely genuine, especially when he tried so hard to make her run away. And we can see it again when we see how slowly he takes her out of the water to give her back to Kako. Akane even reprimands the old man about being slow and Mirai having to go through this at first. 

This chapter highlights the clock keepers relationship too. Akane has been before in the innermost reach, he clearly knows what he is doing here, entering the house like nothing and actually setting things up for tea knowing Kako would like it. Being considered as a whole clock keeper, Kako and Mirai trust him not to do anything bad even in their most vulnerable state.

Kako watches over Mirai like a worried father, being happy when she is back and is still pushing Akane to find the answers himself, always in a teaching position. Akane is quick to scold Mirai about her actions, clearly seeing her more as a kid than a real supernatural being. He is seen worried for her and tells her right away not to do something like this ever again. On her side, Mirai is overjoyed to see Akane, the first question coming out of her mouth asking if he is hurt, and she seems rather shocked to see him being so worried about her, jumping on his head right away to praise him for being a nice boy.

They are way more genuine in their physical contact and actions. Akane is not refusing Kako’s headpat even though he has an angry/solemn expression when accepting it, the old man is smiling at Mirai and Akane the whole chapter while Mirai is being her usual clingy self. 

Kako clearly has been observing things and waited until the right moment to take actions. They are coming back in time to fix things up, and will sleep until the new present is stable. And for this they trust the clock keeper of the present to take care of the duty that was placed upon him.  

Akane is a wonderful pick for the present. His personality and way of life has always shown he was the only character who would be able to handle this role. He is a duty centered and really proactive boy, and most of all, sees how life is worth living. Even if he never feared the idea of getting hurt, we can clearly see how much he takes his role at heart. He now knows he has to live if the idea of a better present can exist. 

Kako knows Akane is able to handle all of it which is why they can leave without being worried about the new present, they absolutely believe Akane will be able to fulfill his duty. In the end, it’s Akane who keeps the yorishiro with him.  They trust him to make sure everything is in order and not die until he can use the key to get them out of the clock once they awaken. Kako’s last word to Akane is once again one with a teaching tone, praising him for a job he will do, showing he thinks he will handle it. 

One of Kako’s strongest traits is observation too. And Akane is really good at that, he is one of the most observant and perceptive characters of the whole cast. His mission will be all about seeing if the events really changed, acting like a memory of a present which doesn’t exist anymore. Having a human among the clock keepers to have eyes in the human world seems also like a logical choice. To know the whole situation Kako needs eyes in the human realm too, and Akane shares his informations with him when he think it's important.

Akane has known his role for a long time. Once he heard that he had his duty to do, his expression is hard to see because he KNOWS what the implications are. He is aware of what it means, he isn’t happy with this, he clenches the yorishiro once he has it, he says he doesn’t have a choice to Teru. Because even if Akane complains, he does things he is asked to do.

 Akane’s sense of justice has always been a big part of his character, and it’s also a big part of the clock keepers. Of course he wants the present to be better and goes with the clock keepers’ idea, erasing a problem at its root to help the majority of people and protect the persons he cares for is something Akane would never refuse.

He has no problem doing it even if he doesn’t want to be on the clock keepers’ side, because he knows he can do something ‘right’. He still trusts Kako on this one, embracing his role as the guardian of the present fully. The old man did say it would be good for humans after all.

How long has Akane been thinking about changing the present? Even if it means erasing the severance I don’t know how he would react seeing that Aoi never lived it. Having a world where she never got to know supernaturals, never was left dead all alone on the far shore and never got her hand hurt. It can’t be so bad right? 

But the more I think about it the more I go ‘was this present really THAT bad?’ Aoi has to go through her horrible everyday life once again, thinking that no one will ever love her for who she is and Akane definitely doesn't want that.

His talk to Teru also implies that Teru and Nene may remember since they were stopped by his time power. He trusts Teru to understand what is happening and help him with this new reality or hoping not everything will have changed. 

If we focus quickly on Amane and Tsuchigomori. They seem to have go back in 1968 so Amane was a middle schooler. Tsuchigomori and him had the talk about the moon in 1969 (after the 20th of July) so Tsuchi may not have the same yorishiro either. Would Amane live this time? Not sure, the reason he was trying to destroy the big clock may be related to the clock keepers going back in Time. I wonder what the clock Amane was working on really represents.

We can see this clock indicating the hour exactly like when Akane is stopping time, suggesting that it is really the one controlling the whole school time. It’s the first clock we see when the clock keepers are introduced too.

If Kako and Mirai really go back in time and erase everything they are visualizing on this. It would indeed mean a better control over the mysteries situations and the protection of the Land.

It means everything the mysteries went through won't happen. So the second Mitsuba won't exist, n°3 would still be here, Yako would still be waiting for Misaki to come back and won't go berserk, Shijima-san would still be in her boundary thinking she has no reason to exist expect hurting Mei-chan's memory, Hakubo would still be doing his duty without feeling anything and Sumire would still be living her death over and over again, not having anyone go see her in more than a century.

It means erasing all of the mysteries’ struggles and acceptance of what they are, not being bound by grief and regrets to do a job most of them didn't want to do. Would this present really be a good one? For the humans mostly it would be, it's the mysteries duties after all, and n°1 is ready to undo all the things each mystery went through to make sure humans have a good Present. They always have been more about humans than supernaturals. And this may also be the reason why Akane is okay with everything going on too. Kako sees this as his ultimate duty in the end, forcing all mysteries to embrace it even if they don't want to. Taking the matter at end without warning anyone since after all, no one will remember.

Another thing that has always been interesting to me, was the fact that the clock keepers look nothing like something out of Japanese Myths/folklore. It has always been strange to me to see they were labeled as the oldest supernaturals, when clocks weren’t that common in Japan before a long time.  The way they dress look way different compared to anyone else from the cast too. The closest look you could find was from the Meiji Era, which was mostly about Japan importing a lot of Western culture into their Land. I always thought that the clock keepers just couldn’t be from a Japanese folktale and this was confirmed in the last chapter. I had my supposition about where they were from,  but having an actual image of their old town helped me to focus more on it.

If we look at Clock making history we can easily focus on some countries, The Netherlands, Germany and England being the main ones. Now if we look at the architecture we get in this chapter, we can delete England from the list easily. This type of house is called Timbered framed houses. It can be found in Europe in different countries.

It’s important to note that the roofs on those houses are really really sharp on the illustration AidaIro gave us. Which means they were built for snow, so it can slide off the roofs more easily. The trees in the background are too blurry to see but it looks like forest of pines and the kids shown are holding one.

Now if I combine the two ideas of clock making and architecture I found here, my thoughts came to one city. Nuremberg in Germany. It’s a city known for its clock making history, there are mountains nearby and there is snow in this region during Winter. And more importantly The Nuremberg Egg.

It’s known as the ancestor of the pocket watch, created in the XVIth century.  

I don’t think AidaIro was inspired by a precise place but I think somewhere in this region of Europe could be a good pick for the inspiration of the city the clock keepers are from! Same can be said about the clothes the kids are wearing and the toy's shop which have vibes from this region too.

I’ve been thinking a bit more about what Kako and Mirai are really and it’s hard to say. With how Akane introduced them it could imply they were humans before. 

Why did they move to Japan and how did they become supernatural? Were they created or were they humans before? The idea of Kako creating a body to survive and creating Mirai is not out of the way since he is clearly the oldest and more experienced supernatural there is. A lot of questions with no answers for now but I am happy we get some glimpse of their old life.

I am also interested in the clock keeper of the present status too. Are they used to create different presents or if the present is fixed their role is finished? Did Kako and Mirai go back in time to change stuff before?

I don't think it happened recently. Nothing special has been happening at Kamome even with the whole Yugi suicide/murder history. The real problems started really once Nene met Hanako and Tsukasa woke up. Kako may have been observing things since a really long time, maybe putting some students as clock keepers of the present but never ‘activating’ their real role. Which may also be why Akane never was shown that stressed out about his role as a clock keeper, why would he be if all the previous clock keepers of the present never had to do this? What is supposed to happen to them once they have fulfilled their duty? Are they erased from the timeline to represent completely this new Present? Do they get to continue their life like nothing happens, being the only person having the memories of a world which doesn't exist anymore? How long do they stay alone until the other two wake up? Why insist so much on the idea he has to stay alive? So many questions I hope we will have answers on soon.

The story of the clock keepers is still really blurry but we are slowly getting more on them . AidaIro really showed us that they were mysteries the other characters shouldn't mess with and I am all for it.

[thefirstknife]

Let's chat

So, the Winnower. Right?

Today, they finally released the lore on one of the ships that you got if you purchased (pre-ordered?) the annual pass. The ship is called Nacre. As usual with names of things in Destiny, this means something, though I'm currently unsure about the significance of this name in relation to the text of the lore tab.

But the text of this lore tab will cause a billion discussions and people will fervently believe in one side or the other. You'll understand why the moment you start reading the lore tab (I'll go through it a bit later in the text) if you remember the style of Unveiling. It's written in the same style with many references to Unveiling and the author speaks to us post-Witness' defeat (most likely).

I think it's intended to make us discuss and argue, given the inherent unreliability and religiosity of the subject.

But let's go back a little bit. Why the Winnower? Well, the word "Winnower" was finally mentioned in-game by the Witness. When you finish the second encounter in the Salvation's Edge raid, you proceed towards the third, and at one point the Witness will speak (it speaks a lot during the raid):

The rest of the post below:

Many people, upon hearing this, have jumped to the conclusion that the "Winnower" is now confirmed as a real thing; including Byf who made a video about it and now everyone and their grandma believes this fully and is already constructing fanfics about the next big bad.

And it could be true! But to claim that this line specifically confirms the Winnower makes me question people's media literacy. This line is spoken by the Witness. The Witness has both the reason to lie to us, but also the reason to believe in the Winnower. This is unreliable narration 101: the Witness could believe that it serves something else, that the reason it destroyed its own and many other civilisations is because it is following something greater. Obviously the Witness would believe that it's "the first knife" of some godly entity. It's religion. The word of a religious person who believes in a deity is not the proof that the deity exists.

This does not mean that the Winnower is NOT real. We don't know if it is. This only means that we can't use this specific source as proof.

But this line is very interesting to me because of how it's phrased. Initially, I believed that the Witness spoke to us, the Guardians, because that's what it does throughout the raid. But after a few reads, this feels like it's at least partially aimed at the Traveler as well. The third line in particular is interesting: "Each child we save from the game, you again force to play." This feels like it's talking about the Traveler's growing/resurrecting powers, especially about how it resurrected Guardians. We were dead, but then we were forced to play again. It's also speaking about it like the "game" which can be a sort of 4th wall-breaking, but also it could clearly be referring to Unveiling which also calls it playing a game.

The last line is also interesting in this context: "Gods forged us both." Who is "us"? Obviously the Witness considers itself here, but which "gods" forged what else? Does the Witness consider the Traveler to be a god, forging the Guardians? The next line is also weird in this context, telling us that despite gods forging us, "they cannot tell the knife what shape to carve." Either the Witness still doesn't understand the Traveler or the Traveler is not considered as the god because that's the Traveler's whole philosophy: it creates things, but it doesn't tell those things what to do. It would never tell us what shape to carve. So if this is not referring to the Traveler forging Guardians, it might be referring to something else forging the Traveler. Possibly! I am very intrigued by these lines and the line of thinking the Witness uses here.

But let's go back to the Winnower. As I already said, this doesn't prove anything, it only proves that the Witness believes in it. We also know that the Witness believes in this because in the final mission it also told us that it is "the first knife, the edge that carved purpose into being." Later, after its defeat, Mara and Ikora discussed this phrase, which I covered in this post. This discussion also entertained the possibility that there's something else beyond the Witness, something that wielded it as a "knife." Mara and Ikora don't make any conclusions; they discuss the possibility, but they end it with "we don't know."

They discuss it in the context of Unveiling; this lore book is canonically available to read to characters in the game, which is neat! It's been discussed several times now in the lore, and it's discussed here as well. Mara and Ikora have read Unveiling, it's where they've read about "the first knife" concept and are wondering what it all means and if there's a way to figure out the truth in the allegories. Again, they don't know the answer. And neither do we!

However, we as players have more information than the characters. I'm pretty sure the delay on the lore for Nacre was on purpose, because it would've been confusing to read that before defeating the Witness. The lore tab itself has no clear author; the only way to tell is to speculate based on the style and phrases used. The style will immediately be reminiscent of Unveiling (and the one page in Books of Sorrow when something speaks to Oryx). It's casual and friendly, but persuasive.

Let's read it piece by piece:

Let's chat, shall we? One more nice sit-down for the books. Did you think you wouldn't hear from me again, after all this? You'd have missed me, I hope—and I would certainly have missed you. Have no fear. I'm not so easy to be rid of. Now, let me show you: my beloved. Oh, no, not my sedimentary necrolite, fossilized in time. You've seen that. I speak of that dear and distant expanse of the universe, miraculous in its fullness and its emptiness all at once. Are you surprised to hear of it? Yes, I never much cared for the change of rules, but here we are, and there's no use in crying over spilled radiolaria. Besides, at the heart of it all, there was a gift. To me. That gift is the chance to speak with you. You, and a billion like you.

A few points right away. It's telling us that we should chat and that it hopes we didn't think we'd never hear from it again. If this is truthful and can be trusted, then it would be alluding to it speaking to us before, in Unveiling. But we've gone over the debate about Unveiling and who wrote it; most recent information was that it has to have been the Witness and the characters in-game believe so as well. So what's the truth now? I don't know! That's a full sentence. We simply don't know. There are far too many variables, allegories, metaphors and unreliable (and completely unknown) narrators.

Both options could also be true at the same time; if the Witness somehow managed to get a glimpse of the Winnower (in whatever form this entity exists), perhaps the Witness was given a speech of this nature which it could've adopted on purpose to further spread propaganda to others and to convince itself (and others) that it is a part of something greater. Again, we simply don't know.

The author continues telling us that it wants to show us its "beloved." It then goes into a bizarre description of something as "sedimentary necrolite, fossilised in time." I am not sure what this refers to, but it could be referring to the Witness? Because we've "seen that." A "necrolite" is an old term for a type of stinky minerals that form rocks which might be referring to the Witness' obsession to calcify and preserve things as they are; therefore, "fossilised in time." It could also mean something else. Really strange!

Either way, the author does not refer to that, whatever it is, it refers to the universe as a whole. The universe is its beloved. Then it continues and draws back from Unveiling directly. It tells us that it "never much cared for the change of the rules," the rules being the rules of the flower game and the change being the one the Gardener put in the game. It even jokes with "no use in crying over spilled radiolaria," a reference to the fact that previously, the winners of the game were always the Vex.

The interesting bit here is that, if the author was indeed talking about its disregard for the Witness, then the Witness claiming to be "the first knife" the Winnower wielded is not true. If this author is the Winnower, it does not really care about the Witness or its view of the final shape. Hell, the line about Winnower discovering the first knife in Unveiling would then not refer to the Witness at all, but despite that, the Witness believed itself to be that knife. This is why we can't use the Witness' words as any sort of proof, but also we can't use this narrator's words either.

To go back to the change in the rules, another intriguing thing is, in Unveiling, the Winnower appeared to be angry about the change. It's what made it "discover the first knife" and begin the fight with the Gardener. But here, it claims it didn't care about it after all.

I believe this is important to understand that what we're dealing here is not a clear cut truthful chat with a friend. The author of this text, and the author of Unveiling, does not have to tell us the truth and we simply have no clue which one of these statements is truth, if any. Or, it simply changed its mind; perhaps it was angry back then, but now it no longer is, because it realised that the change in rules gave it the ability to speak to us, something it appears to value greatly. And "us" does not just refer to us as Guardians or even humanity, it appears to be referring to all living creatures in the universe. It continues:

I am making this offer over and over again, in every tiniest cell and the vastest of civilizations. Let me in. Take what you need. Be at ease. You have no say in the degradation of your telomeres, but in all the interim, the whole world is your sweet silicate shellfish. You exist because you have been more suited to it than all the others. Steal what you require from another rather than spend the hours to build it yourself. Break foolish rules—why would you love regulation? It serves you to cross lines, and if others needed rules to protect them, then they were not after all worthy of that existence.

This also seems to be a continuation of its philosophy in Unveiling. About taking and breaking and destroying and whether or not someone is worthy of existence.

Caricatures of villainy are out of style, I hear. Yes. I am no cackling mastermind: I am serious when I say this. It was not the trick of standing upright that lifted you from the dust: it was the mastery of fire, the cooking of cold corpse-meat. That is not any unique faction's province, neither good nor evil. It is simply truth.

And this as well, continues with its claims that it is, essentially, neutral. It is not a villain, it's merely stating the truth that sometimes destructive forces can be good. This can also have a second meaning, telling us that it will not be our villain in the game. As in, we will not be fighting against this entity because it's not something that can be fought in the first place, nor does it care to fight. The final paragraph adds:

This great, beloved cosmos. Always decaying, always finding that same old lovely pattern, despite every candle-flame burning amid the flowers. A billion electrons taking the path of least resistance. In Darkness or in Light, someone is always making my choice. Be seeing you.

Some more references to Unveiling with "same old lovely pattern" and stuff about flowers. And then it ends with telling us that Darkness and Light don't really matter because either way "someone is always making my choice." We can assume this means the choice to violence. And that's true; Darkness and Light, as we've learned, are not moral forces. Many atrocities were committed by Lightbearers, and Darkness users have, throughout the universe, been benevolent.

The author concludes telling us that it will be seeing us.

What does it all mean? We don't know!

I think a lot of people will take this literally; this is the proof of the Winnower, this is the proof that it is preparing to be the next big bad, that we will see it eventually, etc.

I'm personally not sure if the literal reading makes sense, primarily because we have no way to verify anything it said or who sent it and how. But also, if we accept that it is written in the style of Unveiling (which seems fairly obvious), then we also have to accept that it's not entirely reliable or fully truthful. As in, there's a lot of metaphors and philosophy here, rather than facts. Some of it could be facts, but we can't tell which those are.

I also think a lot of people will immediately conclude that this proves the Winnower as a real entity that exists somewhere that will be relevant going forward. Personally, I don't know. I'm not inclined to believe either option just yet. If we knew more about the source of this (and I'm not taking into account the Witness' beliefs), then it would be easier to discuss it, but for me this is just something that remains a mystery for now, in the same way a religion would be. This is what makes it interesting to me.

A reading I'm partial to is that this is a really neat conclusion on that chapter of the story without telling us too many details and facts about a text that, genuinely, reads better if it remains unexplained. There's... something... out there. We can call it the Winnower for simplicity. But this entity is not some sort of big bad physical being that's scheming behind the scenes and directing its pieces around; it does not care. It did not care about the Witness and its final shape, despite the Witness believing, potentialy, that it is enacting exactly what the Winnower wanted, calling itself its "first knife."

This entity is not the way the Witness imagined it or believed in it. This entity does not need to involve itself or even be physical; its adherents are everywhere in the universe, all the time, because "someone is always making my choice." No matter where we go in the universe and how much we explore it, we will eventually find those that choose this. It cannot be removed or defeated. We defeated the Witness, yes, but someone else can always rise up to do something similar. The fight is never done and it's not tied to simply Light and Dark. Our choice is not over because we won here; we could always choose differently in the future.

It honestly feels like a setup for us going forward, but not for us meeting the Winnower or fighting it; instead, to tell us that if we plan on exploring more of the "beloved" universe, we will always find those we disagree with, those to fight, those who made the other choice. And if we're not careful, we may end up making that choice too. Whatever that entity is, the universe is making its argument for it and it will never truly be defeated. It can't be!

The Witness wanted to end the game. This entity states that the game has to play itself out.

Or it could mean something completely different. I'm not going to claim anything one way or the other and I think it's genuinely really baffling that anyone would try to do so. We all have our preferences for the story, but I don't think any of them are sufficiently backed up and I'm not going to hype myself up for a scenario that will probably never happen. Or we'll be hearing about "bad writing" and "retcons" in a few years time when the Winnower never shows up (or if it does).

The point is that this is a very intriguing piece of lore that fits perfectly with the mystery and religiosity of Unveiling. It's not some huge epic reveal, though it could always be something more in the future. However, we would have to get a lot more information to be able to make that conclusion. Something spoke to us in this lore tab, but we have no way of knowing who or how or why exactly now. We have no way to verify it either; is the author legitimate or is this a scheme from someone else pretending to be it? And even if the author is legitimately some other entity, is it truthful? Can we trust it? Should we? Does it even matter? Is this information important for us to understand our enemies or is this just insight into the philosophy and metaphysics of the setting?

Is the Winnower real? We don't know.

Is Unveiling still an allegorical mystery with some truths that we can't really tell apart from the metaphors? Pretty much yeah.

Is there going to be a lot to discuss about this going forward? Absolutely. It's why I wanted to write about it immediately because it's fascinating and I can't wait to see all the ways people will interpret it. I highly recommend that everyone reads it themselves and compare to Unveiling (and the last two pages of Inspiral).

I just don't want people to subscribe too hard to a single narrative and then get incredibly disappointed if it doesn't happen. There is not a single narrative being promised by this lore tab and we have no confirmed facts. But I'm super excited to see where this goes in the following years. Even if it goes "nowhere" as in this does not end up being setup for some big antagonist 5 years from now, I find it incredible that this was part of the setting. Weird space religions and bizarre entities from beyond the universe are some of my favourite parts of scifi so this whole thing, no matter how it ends, is a 10/10 story for me.

[insufferablemod]

top 10 worst celebrities ever

[elvencantation]

i feel like i get literal psychic damage when i think about capitalism too long

[sulky-cabbage]

The sukugo fight can't get animated any sooner I'm craving sukugo tiktok edits

[fromtheseventhhell]

I don't think anyone who believes Arya is focused on revenge has ever actually read her chapters, it's just been one long game of telephone where people repeat a take they heard so they can pretend they know what they're talking about

[imthursdaysyme]

Stobin and their fall haircuts

[asurrogateblog]

oh so paul wrote an opera? that’s fun. and it’s a semi-autobiographical story about a fictional character who is definitely him but also not? uh-huh. and it heavily involves themes of WW2 trauma, education, the death of the protagonist’s father, and the struggle to maintain healthy relationships? wait stop. wait wait wait a minute. oh god. oh no. isn’t this where—

[cimicherrychanga]

once again TROUBLED by how good my game is when flirting with my best friend, imagine if i actually used that with people im trynna pull

[eriyu]

my life would be a lot easier if i made Ehryu from Tural instead of Meracydia tbh

[swordheld]

how do you think in poems? i really enjoy the tags under your posts i've always wanted to write down my own thoughts that way bc in my head they feel so thorough and magical but whenever i put it in words i feel it just gets so much flatter and i no longer see a point and give up

oh oh oh, but lovely, can't you see that you've already started? it's a perspective that you hone, over time, something that is specific to you and you alone – that's the piece of it that makes it so special! you've already begun, and it only goes forward, up, sideways from here, wherever you wish to go!

think of it like a skill, for a moment, or a kind of muscle, if you'd prefer. you have to work at it, with it, over time and differing experiences, in order to progress.

(a quick important note: not progression as in the kind of quality-check of a grading scale, but progression as in evolution. shifting change. think of the leaves and their colors across the months of autumn, or temperatures rising with the sun and cooling with the evening dark. change isn't intrinsically a qualifying thing, it can just be, sometimes. this is difficult to remember, especially in the midst of frustration, but it is worth it. you are always doing better than you think you are – harshest critic, and all that.)

which is not to say that it's a simple thing to do! compare this to the vibe of me picking up crochet recently, with my shaking hands and too-quickly dwindling adhd focus – my first attempts at making a lil headphone sprout have not been going as well as i once hoped. my stitches are either too big and sloppy bc i'm not holding the yarn tightly enough to get clean ones, or i feel frustrated due to it not looking like how i'd like it to look in my mind when i started it, or even as i begin my umpteenth attempt.

but!! i know that it won't ever look the way i want it do if i set it down and never keep trying. it'll take awhile, like everything does, even the seasons take their time, the moon and its phases; but what i do know, is that, eventually, it'll resemble something i want it to. vaguely, maybe, but it is something. it doesn't have to look exactly like the guide i'm following, or the examples i'm inspired by, because it's mine – something made by my own hands, my own time and experience with every mistake and thrilling joy along the way to learn by.

take it from me: i want to be good at things i want to be good at so badly. and that excitement makes me want to be at the skill level i need to be at in order to do so right then and there, no learning curves or building blocks allowed. which is never how it happens, unfortunately, but –

i think, gently, that we tend to overlook what a pleasure it is to learn. to see the slow progression of things, to begin and change and continue and get better. and even if it's different as we go along, in a way it's our own little kind of magic, maybe, to create and never be done if we don't want to be.

which is all to say: it's already yours. why does it have to be anything else, anything more? why can't it just be good as it is now, where it might never be again? what is there to lose by enjoying the moment of where you are?

like everything, it will grow and shift and evolve with time, maybe into something you'd hoped for, or maybe into something you don't even have the words to describe right now at all. but that's the fun of it: how even now, even then, there, across time and distance and skill, there is a common thread of things; it will always come from your heart, your experience, where you are right then and there and now.

and if you think of that like magic, well, it becomes a little like magic, doesn't it?

also, something to consider: sometimes things you feel or think can't be put into words at that moment, or even at all! something else you could try (that i certainly do) is making something else with whatever it makes you feel - whether that's another form of art, or any other kind of media. if it makes you want to go outside and take a walk or get cozy and read or play a video game? that counts too! that's still an experience, you're still feeling.

i think that counts a little more than anything else, you know?

and as a little ending fun side-note, can i share something cool? i've never thought of it that way before, as thinking in poems. in my mind it's always been a kind of perspective of personal wonder, but you're right – it's poetry, in it's own way. you gave me that – so thank you, from the heart of me. i hope your journey finds you with every bright joy.

[moredifferentthanusual]

from chapter 12 of Chained: To Wield the Blade we have Forged by Tinerian aka @redhoodinternaldialectical

[brown-little-robin]

in case any of you were imagining me being a bright shining presence in real life, please know that a fun guy came into the ceramics studio three days in a row to visit his ceramics-artist girlfriend and saw me working while sitting on my customary stool. and the 4th day he commented "you sit like uhhhh, like L. from Death Note"