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galedekarios · 5 months

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"i'm strong enough. i'll carry on alone."

i've already made a more detailed post about the loss scene that was part of act i and gale's romance in early access.

the scene held a lot of weight and was a turning point in the relationship between gale and the protag, while also highlighting just how far gale has fallen, in terms of social standing and in terms of power:

Gale: Khat-Tsjin Deth-Thra! Player: You don't sound very happy there, Gale. Gale: Happiness is like a stray cat: sometimes it seeks you out, sometimes it ignores you. Tonight, I'm ignored. It's getting alte. I think I'll turn in. Perhaps some sleep will do me good. Player: They say you should never go to bed angry. Gale: Isn't that advice for couples? The only one I'm angry with is myself. Please - just let it rest. Player: [Insight Success] We shared the WEave the other night. Now share what's on your mind. Gale: Very well. Just now, I was trying to cast a spell I once cast with ease, but I failed. You see, this fire - there was a time that I could make it come alive. That it would take the shape of a dragon and roar in delight. There was atime I could silence a Beholder with a word, and lift a tower from its foundations with a flourish. There was a time I was all but one with the Weave. But no more - a mere shadow of the wizard I used to be. Why? Because I've lost. Player: I don't understand. What is it that you've lost? Gale: I've lost... Player: [Insight Success] Go on. Every burden is easier to carry when shared. Gale: An apt enough observation. I've lost Mystra. I sought to impress her personally. To turn the eyes of my muse upon me. To win the favour of a goddess. But I failed, and all I invoked was death and dismissal. My death. Her dismissal. Player: I don't know what to make of what you've told me, but I sympathise. Gale: Thank you. You're a good friend. I often think of that moment we shared together - one under the Weave. I hope you think about it too.

it's a wonderful scene that offers a lot of insight into gale's character as well as his past, but what i haven't focused on in the original post is the dialogue the player would get from gale if the protag failed the check to convince him to open up and share the burden that was making him visibly upset:

[the banter is identical with the one above up to this point] Gale: I've lost... Player: [Insight Failure] Go on. Every burden is easier to carry when shared. Gale: I'm strong enough. I'll carry on alone. Gale: With that I bid you an evening better than my own.

i think this shows a very interesting side of gale and one that we both don't get to see often and / or press him on: the side of gale that masks his worries, his fears, his insecurities and his pain to soldier on and do what he feels needs to be done.

we catch glimpses of it in the full release as well, specifically during and after elminster does his duty as mystra's chosen and informs gale of her demands of him:

Weary Traveller: You must find the Heart of the Absolute, whatever that may be, and use yourself as the catalyst that will burn it from this world. Player: We'll be rid of both the Absolute and Gale in one fell swoop. Win-win. Weary Traveller: I may be slow to anger, but I will not have you sully this moment of most sorrowful import with ill-considered levity! Gale: It's all right, Elminster. If ever gallows humour were appropriate, this is its grim-smiling hour. Weary Traveller: It brings me no pleasure saying this, my friend, but such is Mystra's will. Yours must be the sacrifice that will undo the Absolute. And for your sacrifice, you will be redeemed - such is Mystra's promise. Weary Traveller: With that, I've said my sorry piece, and need only bestow unto thee the charm I was bid.

it's elminster who is upset on gale's behalf, not gale himself. he treats it as 'gallow's humour' - whether or not it's meant like that by the protag.

the same view he takes on shortly after, once the protag asks him how he is feeling:

Player: How are you feeling? It can't be easy, facing the possibility of death... Gale: Oh, you know me - ever the optimist. I'm trying to focus on the positives. devnote: Gallows humour Gale: The truth is, I was living on borrowed time already. Consuming those items would only have kept the orb sated for so long. Gale: If anything, I feel more at peace than I have in months. At least now I know my death will have purpose. It won't be a distant 'bang' in the footnotes of history.

Player: You're seriously considering doing what Elminster said? Gale: Of course - he offered the clearest solution to our problem. All I have to do is find the right place and time, close my eyes, and let go… devnote: Trying to sound upbeat, not fully engaging with what he’s saying (that he’s going to kill himself). Gale: Then the slate will be clean, wrongs will be righted, the Absolute will be gone… devnote: Trying to sound upbeat, not fully engaging with what he’s saying (that he’s going to kill himself). Gale: …and I along with it. devnote: Still trying to sound upbeat, though this time the reality that this means he will die weighs a bit heavier

the game gives you no option to press him on any of this. on this front of maintaining optimism, of gallows humour, clinging tightly to the idea of there being purpose in his own death, yet not fully engaging with what that actually means.

until he can't avoid it anymore, and even then, he carries on. we know it's already of limited comfort to him by the time the last night alive scene / act 2 romance scene takes place:

Gale: I am terrified - I will not claim otherwise. My face could scarcely conceal it even if my words sought to deny it. nodecontext: Hushed, vulnerable Gale: There is no point in running from the inevitable. Better to meet it, on my own terms. nodecontext: Resigned

and it's echoed later too, in act 3, when he offers himself up as an out, a failsafe, for the protag and the companions:

and it of course culminates in the scene - if you chose to take that route - which gale ascends to the elder brain alone, spelling his friends and companions away to safety.

he says he is strong enough to carry on alone, to do what he believes must be done, what's been ordained to him, by fate or by mystra, and he is. despite being terrified. despite wishing he didn't have to be.

it's an interesting aspect of gale - but his relief is all the sweeter for it when he realises that he doesn't have to be strong enough and that he doesn't have to carry on alone.

he's found friends and possibly love.

every burden is easier to carry when shared indeed.

#gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #ch: gale dekarios #vg: baldur's gate 3 #series: baldur's gate #meta: mybg3 #tw sui ideation #suicide mention cw

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metalgearstranding · 2 months

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Revolver Ocelot's Familial Story: an Untapped Potential

I've watched this MGSV review some time ago, and Keiv Review Things mentioned something that I rarely see pointed out by fans or critics of MGS:

"You can have an intricate story with a message about culture, the futility of revenge, and surround that story with inherently interesting characters. But what good is any of that if you don't do anything with these characters? This is a larger issue with this series, but the sheer volume of horrible shit everyone endures only to just gloss over because they got a job to do makes it far more problematic in this game."

It's always been one of my personal pet peeves with Kojima's writing. On the one hand, I love his characters, they're so cool. He allows them to be human, flawed. He doesn't judge them, which I find very refreshing.

What I don't like about his characters, is that he writes amazing backstories for them, but for a guy who's WAY too into tiny details, Kojima doesn't seem interested in exploring the emotional ramifications of those backstories...? Like Keiv said, it's just... glossed over.

In my opinion, the most glaring example of untapped story potential is Ocelot.

(Just a note before I start: I mention the novels and other sources outside of the main games many times. It's a bit of a Schrodinger's cat situation whether everything in those is considered canon by Kojima or not, so keep that in mind I suppose.)

THE (MISSABLE) REVELATION IN MGS3

During the final fight with the Boss, she opens up her suit and reveals a long, sinuous scar snaking down her body. She explains that she was pregnant with the Sorrow's child in 1944, and gave birth on the field of battle to a baby boy. That child was then taken away by the Philosophers. That's an interesting info on its own, but it really only matters if you've heard a very specific, missable codec call earlier in the game.

If you keep calling EVA after falling in the crevice, Snake will ask her how Ocelot ended up with the rank of major despite being so young. EVA says that she heard Ocelot is the son of a legendary hero, that his mother was shot in the gut during battle and gave birth to him right there. EVA also heard that after they stitched her up, the scar was shaped like a snake.

If you paid attention during that call, you can easily put two and two together later and come to the conclusion that this legendary hero is the Boss, and that child is Ocelot. This raises two important questions:

1: Did the Boss know Ocelot was her son?

2: Was Ocelot aware that the Boss was his mother?

Sadly, none of the games offers any answers.

...Unless you speak Japanese that is. And have access to either the MGS3 or Peace Walker novelization, neither of which have been translated into english. Not officially at least. Thankfully, a fan translation exists for both of them.

In the MGS3 novel, before Snake gets to the field for his confrontation with the Boss, we are treated to her inner thoughts:

“The image of Snake came to mind. And the image of Ocelot, young and growing, made her smile. Her Adamska had become a fine young man." (page 296)

This is confirmation that yes, the Boss knew that Ocelot was her son all along. On the same page, we also get an answer to the second question, as well as a new, devastating revelation:

"She tried many times to make Snake leave the area. She failed to do so, but as it turned out, it gave her what she really wanted. It saved her from another plan: to use ADAM, who didn't even know who she was, and it saved her from destruction. (…) Thank you, you saved our family."

Not only Ocelot didn't know the Boss was his mother, but if for whatever reason Snake hadn't been up to the task, Ocelot would've had to be the one to pull the trigger. Such, tasty, tasty potential for drama, tucked away in a novel that probably very few people read...

What about Snake, did he know about the link between Ocelot and the Boss in MGS3? Snake can be a bit dense, so even if you as a player manage to get EVA's codec call and make the connection, there's no telling whether Snake did. There's no mention in the MGS3 novel either, because the codec calls themselves aren't featured in it. The fight in the WIG between Snake and Ocelot isn't in the novel either, so there is no reason at all for Snake himself to draw a link between Ocelot and ADAM since they don't exchange names.

So we don't know for sure if Snake knew, right? Yes and no. You can know for sure if, again, you speak Japanese. In the "Doublethink" codec in MGSV, Snake (the real one) calls Ocelot by his real name, Adam. But according to this post, in the Japanese version, Snake apparently refers to Ocelot as "junior”, as in “son of the Boss". This is explicit confirmation (for Japanese fans at least) that Snake was aware of Ocelot's parentage, and also that at some point, Ocelot himself learned about it, maybe through Snake or Zero.

THE CONNECTION BETWEEN OCELOT, ZERO AND THE BOSS

Speaking of the devil, we learn in MGS3 that he worked with the Boss, but we get to learn a little more about them (and Ocelot) in the novel. This is a conversation between the Boss and Zero (David Oh is Zero's real name):

"Two NSA codebreakers defected to the Soviet Union four years ago. I was never informed by the CIA during my time in the US though. After that, he seems to have been engaged in intelligence work in the Soviet Union. Their codenames were ADAM and EVA."

She knew this. She had the information and waited conscientiously for the reason why no news had come, so as not to fall into the Soviet trap. Zero was somewhat alarmed by her. She paused.

"I'll ask you again. Why did you help me?"

He felt a grip on his heart at the question. It was as if he heard the creaking of a strongsoul that had silently survived a secret fight.

"In the fall of 1944, when you flew to France, you passed a soldier with a baby in his arms at the airport."

The Boss stared at him with an expressionless face. He was convinced that any lie, no matter how trivial, would be discovered. Trembling, he finally gave a slight nod. Sweat was dripping from his temples. She still said nothing. She kept her neck tensed and her eyes closed, as if she could conquer any pain, anger, or fear.

He was truly ashamed because she did not blame him.

It was an autumn night when the Allied landings at Normandy had been a success and the war was set to end early the next year. The military plane that landed in the middle of the night carrying David somehow took a crying baby with it in the turnaround. He intuitively knew the identity of the baby. So, he overlooked it.

She had a bright future ahead of her. As Commander Eisenhower's confidant, there would be plenty of work for her to do in the army and in politics after the war. But The Boss never abandoned her family. So, during the red hunt, David continued to defend her on the witness stand. He had committed a crime.

"...Yes, that's right. I knew that child was going to be your biggest scandal someday."

He didn't even regret it. That boy, little Adamska, would soon be twenty years old.

After all, he wanted to atone for his sins by trying to protect her from the red scare.

There was no hope of forgiveness. Therefore, she had kept Zero away from the Cobra Unit. But if he was truly going to work with her from now on, an apology was in order. (page 242)

The translation is a bit rough (or my reading skills might be failing me, entirely possible lol), but to recap, this passage seems to tell us that Zero crossed paths with baby Adam soon after he was taken away from his mother (and they were taking the child back to the US from what I understand?). He had an opportunity to say something, do something, but he didn't. The communist panic was in full swing at the time, and because of her relationship with the Sorrow, the Boss was suspected of being a traitor. As Zero says, “that child was going to be your biggest scandal”. So to protect the Boss against herself, safeguard the bright future in front of her, Zero didn't tell her what he knew about her son. Zero didn't regret his silence, but he still put himself on the line later on, publicly defending her, even lying to the authorities to protect her.

It's possible Zero might've been keeping tabs on Adam as he grew up, maybe he knew he was working as a codebreaker. Even if had known that, Zero was not informed that he had “defected” however (it's quite obvious the defection was as real as the Boss's, it was just an excuse to send Ocelot as a spy in Russia). It's possible that the higher ups at the CIA didn't trust Zero knowing he was close to the Boss.

This also seems to say that the Boss knew her son was a codebreaker, and that he was one of the two who had “defected”. Maybe Zero told her, maybe not. Either way, the Boss knew enough about Zero's involvement (or lack thereof) that she didn't include Zero in her Cobra Unit.

We know that post MGS3, Ocelot's real allegiance lies with Snake, but otherwise, Zero specifically is who he ends up working for. Ocelot seems genuinely loyal to him until the Patriots dissolved (as a reminder, originally, the Patriots was a group composed of Zero, Ocelot, Snake, EVA, Para Medic and Sigint. Their goal was to make the Boss's vision of the world a reality, but they couldn't agree on what that was supposed to be, so Snake left and Ocelot silently and permanently switched his true allegiance to him). Considering Zero's affection for the Boss as well as possible lingering feelings of guilt, what was his relationship with Ocelot like once he came to work solely for him? Did he just consider him coldly as another employee or did he have warmer feelings for Ocelot because of who his mother was? Could it be possible he thought of him as a son perhaps? I think it's likely that Zero was the one who told Ocelot that the Boss was his mother at the very least. That could explain Ocelot's loyalty to Zero pre-Patriots if he felt an actual kinship with him. Maybe that info was then shared with Snake and the other Patriots once the group was formed, and maybe Snake felt it was a good reason to put his trust in Ocelot from that point on.

THE WASTED OPPORTUNITIES OF PEACE WALKER (AND THE PHANTOM PAIN)

Peace Walker introduces a character with a strong tie to the Boss, Dr Strangelove. She was in love with the Boss, and she wanted a child with her. Strangelove knew the Boss had a baby of her own with the Sorrow, but it's unknown if she knew the identity of that child, where he was, and what he'd been up to.

Could Strangelove have been potentially interested in getting in contact with Ocelot? Had Ocelot been in the game, would he have wanted to know more about his mother from Strangelove's point of view?

What about the mammal pod? How would Ocelot have reacted to it? Would he be disgusted? Sad? Would he see it as an opportunity to talk to the mother he barely knew? The mammal pod was just an AI programmed by Strangelove, with information she gathered from the government or was aware of personally, so we don't know if info related to Adam was in the bank. So let's say there was not, how would he have felt if the pod hadn't reacted to him at all?

And then there's Snake's scar. In Peace Walker, Snake wears the Boss's scar on his chest. The scar from which Ocelot was born. Sure, it was utilitarian in the context, Snake used it to hide a wire saw, but it was still a powerful symbol. Even in relation to the Boss only, Snake doesn't even talk about it, and it disappears entirely later. It's a damn shame, because it was such a good physical manifestation of the emotional scar she left him... But beyond the cool hiding place for his saw, what was Snake thinking about when making it? From what I've seen, a couple people headcanon that Ocelot helped him with it. I really love that idea, it would've made the whole thing a bit much more interesting.

Ocelot not being in Peace Walker was already a wasted opportunity, but then the mammal pod is brought back in Phantom Pain and we STILL don't get one scene, one line even implying Ocelot had any meaningful contact with it.

THE SORROW AND LIQUID OCELOT

There isn't much about the Sorrow in the main games aside from a tiny cameo in MGS4 in which he ousts the ghost of Psycho Mantis.

However, the Sorrow has another cameo in the MGS2: Bande Dessinée digital graphic novel. There are a few story differences from the game, and one of those is an apparition of the Sorrow alongside Liquid's Snake's ghost. He expresses disappointment in Ocelot: "No son of mine would have allowed this madman (Liquid Snake) to take control of his will. No son of mine would've been so pathetically weak."

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but the canonicity of whether or not Ocelot inherited his father's powers and was really possessed by Liquid Snake's ghost via his grafted arm still seems to be up to debate in the fandom (we know Ocelot eventually replaces that arm, and uses a combination of nanomachines and hypnosis to turn himself into Liquid). For what it's worth, in the bande dessinée, he does seem genuinely distressed, but we're so used to Ocelot pretending to be what he's not, it's hard to say if he's faking it somehow. If he wasn't truly being possessed by Liquid, it's possible he had started with the hypnosis already, or had deluded himself somehow into thinking Liquid was possessing him. Either way, the Sorrow showing up is so interesting.

"No son of mine would've been so pathetically weak". This is a truly harsh, heartbreaking thing to say to your child. There's always the possibility that if the possession was real, Liquid could've been manipulating Ocelot and it wasn't the Sorrow at all. It would serve his agenda after all, considering the hate Liquid harbors towards his own "father". We don't know much about the Sorrow as a man. All we know, is that despite not being a part of Ocelot's life, he loved his son enough to die for him. The Boss herself was a tough love (you could make a case for "abusive" if you wanted) kind of substitute mother for Snake, so it's not impossible the Sorrow would have been the same sort of man. If it was really him, we can only conclude the guy was an asshole and that Ocelot was better off not having him in his life. If it was hypnosis or a delusion, then that obviously says more about Ocelot than the Sorrow.

Ocelot being absolutely terrified at the idea of being a disappointment to his father would explain so much about him, about why he goes to such extremes to accomplish his missions. It makes you think, why did he end up like this? When he learned who his mother was, was he also told the story of her killing the Sorrow so that Ocelot's life would be spared? He could've developed survivor's guilt from this, leading him to becoming a bit of an overachiever in a way (I'm sure someone actually qualified in psychology could have a field day with this lol). The MGS4 novel implies that Ocelot saw Big Boss as a father figure (that's another can of worm entirely, personally I think the kiss on the cheek in the game itself -among other things- implies something different, but for the sake of the argument, let's say it's correct), so the lengths he goes to to free him from the Patriots would be another example of Ocelot doing everything he can not to be a disappointment to a parental (or authority) figure. All of that adds another layer to Ocelot that could have been very interesting to delve further into.

THE ABANDONED CHILD

Metal Gear as a series happened because Snake and Zero couldn't get over the death of the Boss and in trying to make her will (or what they interpreted as her will rather) a reality, majorly screwed the pooch.

Ocelot is the Boss's biological son, but that connection doesn't directly affect anything else happening in the game. Ocelot was already working for the US government, Snake could've ended up trusting him because of that. We don't even know if Snake DOES trust him because of Ocelot's affiliation in particular. If you interpret the Boss's will as “let the world be”, then Ocelot (and after that Snake) achieved that by destroying the Patriots. But that happened as a result of Zero's actions, that wasn't Ocelot trying to make the Boss's will a reality. So in the end, Ocelot being the Boss's son ends up being just cool trivia. Kojima could've just removed that codec in MGS3 and it wouldn't have changed much in the grand scheme of things.

Part of the MGS message is that your genes don't dictate your destiny and your choices. I guess you can say that Ocelot not sharing his mother's desire for peace is another example of that message, but it's not satisfying to me because Ocelot doesn't decide to do that. He doesn't purposefully rebel against her, he just keeps doing what he was already doing, what he was taught to do since birth. He does that in Snake's interests, and in the MGSV truth tapes he seems to at least support Snake's idea of a nation of soldiers, but is he just going along with it or did he ever have his personal opinion of what the Boss's will was supposed to be and how HE would've actualized it? We don't really know for sure because despite having so much of the spotlight on him in the games, we're given very few opportunities to get to know the man behind the wild cat.

I used to dislike Ocelot in MGSV because I thought he was out of character and kinda boring. I changed my mind entirely when I saw someone point out that Ocelot on mother base with Snake didn't need to pretend and grandstand. He was as close to his true self as we've ever seen him. Even if Kaz's characterization wasn't there to provide contrast, MGSV depicts a much wiser Ocelot than what we see in Snake Eater. It makes perfect sense that he's got a good, calm head on his shoulders, because to play four-D chess the way he does, you have to be in control of yourself. Even when it comes to his “torture fetish”, the way he talks about it in one of the tapes shows that he's actually humane about it (as humane as torture can be I guess lmao). We also see a softer side to him, with the kids, and with DD. Even maybe some good ol' jealousy towards the fake Big Boss's interest for Quiet. Ocelot is a man perpetually hiding behind masks, but he's not an unfeeling psychopath. Which is why it's so frustrating to me that we're denied even the tiniest glimpse behind the mask when it comes to his parents. A couple more peaks behind the curtain to show his vulnerability and humanity would've made an already great character amazing in my opinion.

When I think about all of this, I have to admit that I low key end up somewhat resenting Snake in a way lol He gets so much character development because of his relationship to the Boss, whereas Ocelot gets basically nothing. Ocelot was not raised by her of course, but he met her, he saw the huge influence she had on Snake. SURELY Ocelot has an opinion or feelings about all of that, right?

Knowing what Snake meant for his mother and vice versa, was he ever envious of Snake's relationship with her? Did Ocelot resent his mother for not telling him who she was when they were finally reunited? Has he ever caught himself wishing she could've told the Philosophers to go fuck themselves, and rescue him from them?

Ocelot himself not having anything to say about his mother sucks, but Snake not having anything to say about it either also sucks. A single scene, a single codec call where they could've talked about their relationship to her would've added SO MUCH to the characterization of both Snake and Ocelot.

So yeah. I actually like that Kojima leaves things up to interpretations, that he doesn't always go for good endings, or even satisfying endings. But he created such fascinating characters, I can't help but think he could've done even more with them...

(If you guys have anything to add, know of information I might not know or missed, or a correction to make, my inbox is always open!)

#revolver ocelot #the boss #the sorrow #big boss #naked snake #liquid snake #major zero #mgs #metal gear solid #mgs3 #mgs4 #mgsv #mine #oops this ended up too long but oh well #i just really love ocelot man...

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yujeong · 17 days

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what do u think is the relevance of the black cat on tonkla? what goes on inside his head when he sees the cat?

Anon, I could talk about that damn cat all day, but my head is a mess and I can't fully put my thoughts in order. This post was the best I could do, but since you asked, I'll try to explain how I view the whole thing as coherently as I can. In very few words, the cat represents many things in relation to Tonkla: loss, powerlessness, mourning, bad luck, love, revenge and so on. Whenever the cat appears, it encompasses all of those things, some of these prevailing over others depending on the scene in question. With that said, let's take each scene and analyze it a little bit, shall we? First instance - Episode 1: Right after Korn leaves, Tonkla hears his cat meowing. The cat looks at him for a short moment, then it immediately flees to the kitchen, where it disappears before it completely turns around. (In this moment I'd like to mention how, in my opinion based on Episode 7, Tonkla's cat was probably killed near or in the kitchen. The space isn't shown clearly but it'd make sense, since 2/3 cat appearances happen close to the kitchen.) In order for us to understand what Tonkla is thinking once he sees the cat, we need to remember what happened for it to appear in the first place: Korn left to go to his dad, his actions and words reminding Tonkla that he doesn't come first. Korn, the man Tonkla loves, left him. Just like his cat did. But it's not only that.

This specific moment has stayed with me. It looks like he's reminiscing a past memory. Like he's remembering how his cat was killed, how he lost something he loved, how it was brutally taken from him. And the memory must have hurt, because he exhales, rests his head on the couch and then:

He does this. Many people, myself included, thought this was about Korn, and it very well could be, and it kind of is, but I also think it's about the cat. It's about the loss and the loneliness and how it's a constant in Tonkla's life. Second Instance - Episode 7: This time, at first the cat meows softly like before to get Tonkla's attention, but then the sound the cat makes is angrier, its gaze sharper. Now it stays there and it doesn't flee and it stares at Tonkla without fear. So, what happens this time to make the cat appear? Tonkla gets upset by Win's approach of bringing Title to justice. He feels it's not enough, like it's not the correct solution to the problem. An important detail to this moment is that we don't only hear the cat meowing. We also hear its bell ringing. The one Tonkla was holding when he pushed his father down the stairs. When he killed him. What goes on inside Tonkla's head this time is simpler to understand: the cat serves as a reminder of what he's done in the past. The realization dawns on his face, his fingers itch with it, the sink becomes his old house's floor with his father's blood smeared all over it.

"Right," he thinks. "I can take matters into my own hands. I don't have to rely on anyone else." Third Instance - Episode 7: Finally, we hear the cat and see it briefly walking by Tonkla's gun, the one he uses to shoot Great. Here, what happens before this moment to make the cat appear is interesting to me: Tonkla finds out Great and Korn are related, something he had no idea about, judging by his reaction:

And it's interesting to me because I believe that for a moment, he was conflicted:

He understood what him doing harm to Korn's brother would mean for him and for their relationship. That's why, even when the cat meows and the gun appears in the frame, he still has that face:

But of course, this doesn't last, because Tonkla understands the poetic irony of the situation. And he finds it hilarious.

That's what his smile means to me. He's not losing it, it's not a deranged expression (although it is). He just finds it all amusing and I can't really blame him. This is the moment the cat represents revenge. This is when it crosses Tonkla's mind. All the other things are still there - the loss, the pain, the loneliness, all of it - but this is what prevails in the end. Oh, and because I saw a few mentions of mental disorders floating around in regards to Tonkla seeing the cat, I'd like to end this post on a very unserious note, by adding a moment from 13 reasons why of all shows: Clay: "I don't actually see ghosts." Justin: "I get it. You wrote my paper on magical realism."

#I'm pretty sure I make little sense lol #I've been trying to articulate my thoughts on this for hours #I'm tired I need to sleep at some point #I probably missed some stuff so apologies for that #but I hope this might help some people see the cat from a different angle than before #also yes that 13 reasons why quote is very real #s4 was wild and I didn't even see it lmao #4 minutes #tonkla 4 minutes #asks #meta post

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rontra · 2 months

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drop your ffxiv lore

asking me to drop my pants in public would be less embarrassing..... you have to understand crucially that i don't know anything about anything and dont want The Knowers to see me

LMAO well i can talk about it a little but only on One Condition. as i mentioned before im a Certified Stormblood Gamer . in fact according to the wiki i am about this deep (level 64 questing atm)

so basically the condition is this: if something wasn't explicit in ARR or HW you cannot under any circumstances talk to me about it...! if you have any sort of reaction to this post that has to do with any later material than that i ask you Don't say it to me. if you are in doubt about whether something "counts", the safe answer is yes it does, and just going "neat!" instead & moving on will do fine. i really don't want to play spoiler chicken with you and don't want to know anything i don't already know. i'm enjoying taking my time with the game, so please refrain from correcting or corroborating anything i have to say about it atm!!!!!!! i'm still baby! thank you....!!! 😭👍

anyway my xiv characters are 1 a dude who was born in a wet cardboard box all alone and might be scared of women . & 2 a scary woman who did definitely kill her wife but is also the most Wife Guy for like secret reasons. the second one's lore is being ironed out as we speak so its all subject to change but the concept is there

1. ZT

love this guy. i even made an amv about it when i finished arr

(every xiv player voice) my wol is the most special boy in the world.

i actually had a whole thing typed up here about like his fucked up mom and whatever but i got shy and deleted it. i might go over it if someone's actually interested . but basically he's a poor little meow meow who, up until the beginning of the game, was abused pretty consistently bc of [evil cat people family dynamic reasons]. his family members mostly hate his ass and were rarely all that nice to him, so he has a lot of issues with self-worth and things like that--he doesn't feel like he's particularly good at anything or really "worth" much

he's from southern ilsabard which is a place i uh do not know much about. as a stormblood gamer. but it's fine the details don't really matter (walking away quickly)

his most prized childhood possession was the ruined scraps of an old arcanist's tome, and through sheer tenacity he managed to teach himself his first rudimentary spell from the incomplete paragraphs therein. he mostly chalks that feat up to the fruit of Time + Boredom and not talent or love, but those pages were the only thing he took with him when it finally came time for him to follow his older brothers' footsteps and leave the family.

gets on the boat. goes to limsa. enlists in the arcanists guild to cultivate what he sees as the One Single Skill He Has. people in the guild ???praise him??? and encourage him?? to keep at it??? which he is not at ALL used to, but it motivates him to work even harder at his training. he's pretty far from home and deeply unsure of himself, but he absolutely does not want to go back to the limited world he knew until now. so that unwillingness to look back sort of inherently keeps him trucking in search of a new purpose to latch on to

he's very sensitive to people being niceys to him, because he's not used to it at all. he's 4x weak to it and might cry if it's coming from an older woman who is even vaguely maternal, due to his horrific mommy issues. also, he wants to be useful to people ("for once"), so he has a hard time saying no to all the million quests and sidequests in the game. perfect

his inability to say no to people who request his help puts him on the Old Nymian Scholar Investigation Mission of course. i am Scholar Guy for a reason and that reason is ZT. this dude never had anything his family valued, and lived as the expendable runt of the litter his whole life, and now is suddenly entrusted with something important for the first time in his life--something bigger and older than him, a way of life, a legacy to uphold and carry forwards into the future

and that mantle is pretty heavy. but he'll carry it! and that's how he becomes a healer boy who will defend any random tonberry with his life. he feels very strongly about the extinct art of the scholars and also about being a healer in general--boy finally found his calling! also he has the echo and is our funny warrior of light but like that's fine. i'm sure the "not being able to say no to people, no matter how tired/hurt/etc he himself is" thing is not catching up any time soon. i did play DRK up to 60 though and lmao. well. hang in there. i even made an amv ab

there's some more stuff about him like how his path through eorzea and as a healer specifically is in lockstep with death at every turn and also how he's a blue mage on the side and whatever but this is long enough. here's a pic of him with one of my favorite "no one else gives a shit about this character" npcs

he's a pretty kitty and very sweet altho he does need to learn to assert himself (and starts doing so through the course of the game). he's very attached to his friends. he doesn't have any love interest or w/e for now he's figuring his own stuff out. gaining confidence. classic stuff. easy protagonist recipe. my meow meow. i played pvp just to get him a haircut. the things i do for zt

2. KRALJICA

the new baby. kraljica is not her original name, but she's never going to use her original one again. her surname is Radinasch, which used to be Aradina, before she killed her own queen who may or may not have been also her wife (ofc by hrothgar convention she then changed her surname to represent the loss of her queen) (despite being the killer) (it's a memento :) )

she is a bozjan hrothgar so we're back to ilsabard shenanigans (which remains kind of problematic for a stormblood gamer, but It's Fine). she actually knows ZT's mother, but not in a good way. Radina's group was in local political tension with ZT's mom's group, so there's some history there (notably in that kraljica would recognize ZT as "zahsa's runt" (derogatory) and not be very nice to him about it, but they don't really share a Personal history beyond the Faction Squabbles)

back to the point though, kraljica killed her queen, and most of the other followers of said queen were not very happy about that. killing the queen is like really high up on the list of things hrothgar do not want you to do. so she is branded queenkiller and exiled. some of the other hrothgar choose to follow kraljica out (having faith in her leadership for various reasons), making her their new queen as they venture to eorzea together (and all of their surnames become akraljica to match).

kraljica takes the surge of enmity against her as a natural consequence of what she did, and doesn't correct anybody who identifies her as a queenkiller in her journeys. she basically does not care about her shattered reputation or having to leave her home, because she is on, a secret, Other Scheme.

what they don't know of course is that radina asked her to do it. for scheme reasons. #women

kraljica is acting in accordance with radina's will. not even her own loyal followers know what her plan is, but they can clearly tell she has conviction; even when being hated by her people and ousted from her home, kraljica moves with that same inexhaustible willpower

(maybe she has questions, when she's alone, and wonders how much radina kept from her in the final days. and maybe she misses and mourns her. but all of that is only for her, in private, when no one can see... in front of the others, she's unflinching, and a leader they will follow no matter what...!!!)

she doesn't seem to have the echo and isnt a warrior of light. ZT can do that stuff. she's like busy with her own thing. she's running around collecting suspicious amounts of aether and being suspiciously driven and faithful to her cause. suspiciously

ok fine it's because radina asked her to cut her loose from mortality, venerate that, and bring her back as a primal. because she wants to become a war god strong enough to take revenge on the empire. something that will keep coming back, no matter how many times it's destroyed, as long as her chosen can still call for her....<3 that's so romantic

of course, what returns will not be radina-the-person. it will be an image of her will, shaped by kraljica's mind and the bloodpool of radina's aether. radina is dead for good; what kraljica is summoning is a representation of radina's goals and dreams, fueled by pure belief and a lot of aether. That Which Resembles Wife But Is Not will cast one megaflare for every minute of suffering inflicted upon bozja. (speaking to the empire thru a megaphone) this is your final warning

their summoning is pretty unorthodox and and "partial" (the primal does not manifest a corporeal form at this time, but it is certainly present in its vessel to some extent)--the game already allows a few different quirky summonings, so we're just playing calvinball and making up Another Special Case (this time owing to the specific setup and execution of radina's plan, her and kraljica's synchronicity about the whole thing, kraljica's unique position in her life, and some sprinkles of Rule Of Cool to taste) . imo the game is flexible enough about it that putting in Just One More Weird Summon Strat is not gonna break anything (LMAO) so it's fine <3

all you have to do is write in a side character who goes "but! that's not possible..." while the thing is happening in front of them

anyway suffice to say no one is doing it like radina's weird ass, and she couldn't do it without her wife guy who is willing to do whatever she wants. suffice to also say that kraljica's own aether is noticeably Weird and over-aspected by her beloved primal, and that "radina" (that which resembles wife but is not) Could Be lowkey tempering her right now and nobody would even notice it because her goal and the primal's goal are already one and the same. but that's probably fine. radina would never do that to her <3......

unless of course there are things about her even kraljica never understood. but surely that wouldn't happen

its really hard for other people to get a grip on kraljica because she won't let anybody close to her emotionally and she definitely won't spill the beans on radina's secret scheme. her boys are with her no matter what (#hrothgang) (they also picked up a viera whose city name now includes "akraljica" hahaha). other people are just like um that is a shady lady who is casting spells we dont even know how to classify. scary. also she's got a situationship with a nasty bandit milf (my friend's hrothgal<3) so we better just leave her alone. bad vibes all around

radina was a gunbreaker. kraljica is very good at manipulating aether and a strong fighter too, but i havent rly settled on a canon class for her. because her actual "canon class" is like. "a summoner from a hypothetical Other FF game. not even a specific other FF game, just Very Much Not This One" LMAO

she would just be like ah its um secret ancient arts from my homeland . you wouldnt know her. shes from a different continent. not like how they do it in limsa. not at all. goodbye (walks away mid conversation) and the arcanists could not stop her. like

anyway i'm not used to playing a female char so i keep getting distracted by her breasting boobily around. they dont let ZT jiggle like that so how was i to know... and basically, so-called free thinkers when dalmascan draped top 👇

she almost had a different face marking way back in the benchmark character creation era, but looking at it now it looks so weird without her big X . like who is that

(metian vest so important for the shoulder bulk... not gonna lie)

anyway kraljica would hear about the final aeon from ff10 and be like that's fucking right.

#the way kraljica would be one of zt's villains if people knew what she was up to. is very funny #nice xiv oc of the day: ZT (played politely; shared fish)#naughty xiv oc of the day: kraljica (bit my ass)#kraljica

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bonzos-number-1-fan · 8 months

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Sam Messed Up + Tria Prima Ramblings

There are a few solid CAT# but one I really like is that it's based on if an incident affects the body, mind, or soul of the victim. This started off as an offhand example I used to explain how they could work, but there are a lot of fun links to it and will now make a semi-baseless accusation to continue to support it

Sam can't file documents correctly even when being told explicitly what to do.

Anyway, CAT#'s have been shown to have the following values, either in the show or on the Klaus doc: 1/2/3/12/13.

It stands to reason that if 13 can exist these are non-mutually exclusive categories and so 23 and 123 can also exist. And if an incident can be both 1 and 3 it would appear that these represent discrete facets of an incident's manifestation.

Given the show's obvious alchemic motifs it's not a huge leap to link that to the tria prima, alchemy's three primes; soul, spirit (mind), and body. These are represented by sulfur (🜍), mercury (☿), and salt (🜔) respectively. Each of which can be found on the OIAR's logo.

The strongest link here is that 3 is Body/Salt/🜔. Daria's transformation (full) was CAT3, ink5oul has 🜔 on their insta bio, and body is even the third thing in the list. Which is a great start.

We've also got transformation (eyes) at CAT23 which also helps back that up. There was an elemental of paranoia and mental manipulation to it as well as the transformation itself. That tracks really well for Spirit/Mercury/☿, which in alchemical terms is mind as most people would think of. CAT2 was also the watching doll which does also track.

The problem for me is with the last of our categories. CAT1 in the show has only been seen for reanimation (partial), combined with the extra context that said reanimation was "amalgamative", and I don't think that lines up well with a basic idea of Soul/Sulfur/🜍. If this was CAT13 I'd be all over this but I think given there is a strong emphasis of the physical body being an important detail here then it's not entirely convincing. Greater context could make it a stronger case though, if lots of undead ends up in CAT1 then it'd probably a sure thing.

The real problem with this idea is that Dr. Webber's incident seems to almost entirely disprove it. It was CAT2 and while it obviously had a strong mental component it's undeniably a huge physical transformation so it'd have to be CAT23 to really make this all make sense.

Which brings us to Sam. Sam definitely made one obvious mistake with the case number of Ep 3's incident. I think he also made a major mistake in its header. Both of which have solid foundations in the show's text. But I also think, somewhat seriously, that a third mistake has been made with the metatextual reason of obfuscating the meaning of this system.

So, after the incident plays and Sam talks to Alice about it she pretty explicitly tells him what it should be filed as. She says "“Infection” comma “arboreal”. Cross link it with “guilt” if you’re feeling fancy.", but this is what we get instead:

CAT2C8175-03042009-22012024 Infection (full body) -/- arboreal

Ignoring the header for the time being there firstly a very obvious and inarguable mistake. He missed out the R, and they all get the R because it's just a label. The header is also close to being different than what Alice mentions and arboreal as a crosslink specifically doesn't seem to fit in with the more emotional or mental elements crosslinks have had to that point. Arboreal doesn't fit in with regret, trespass, or dysmorphic, but guilt does. Which would make this the seemingly more correct case number and header:

CAT2RC8175-03042009-22012024 Infection (arboreal) -/- guilt

But based on the tria prima theory I'm now wondering if it's not meant to actually be this:

CAT23RC8175-03042009-22012024 Infection (arboreal) -/- guilt

And the 3 was removed to obfuscate the case numbering format. Because the stuff that was "wrong" is fairly obvious to find if that's all that was wrong with it but removing a digit from the CAT# is basically impossible to show unless you know for sure what's meant to be there. It's the sort of mistake that hides really well in ignorance, which makes it a great data point to screw with because of how it breaks ideas.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp theory #tmagp speculation #tmagp spoilers #yes this is a cracked theory #no I don't care and neither should you #klaus is the backlog #klaus = kl4-u5

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rapha-reads · 2 months

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IWTV rewatch

(book to show, show to book, the meta continues)

Season 1 episode 3 [Is My Very Nature That Of The Devil]

- Louis: *tries to read*

Lestat: *bla bla bla*

Louis: "if you don't shut up and leave me with my books I'm going to start a social commentary and ethics conversation"

Lestat: "... Never mind. Let's go hunt."

Louis in that white suit is daaamn fine.

Oooh, so the conversation about only eating the "evil" ones starts there. Louis munching on that cat kills me every time.

- Oh, hello Antoinette. Love that we go from 19th century violinist Antoine to 20th century music hall singer Antoinette. Very nice change.

[Louis] "'This ain't your kind of music.'

[Lestat] 'You can pretend you're a vegetarian. I can pretend the fool.'" - part of me thinks that Louis meant by that "this is Black music, a Black folk band, and you're still a white boy, even vampire that you are".

Lestat schooling everyone about music, sassing everyone and playing the piano divinily, absolutely delicious. And then Louis' absolutely fond little smile, even when he's arguing with Lestat, he just loves him so.

- Ah! [Daniel] "Yeah, you know, I gotta say, it's not so much the minute details, Louis, rather the total rewrite that's giving me pause here." - that's the part. That's the crux of it. That's the character development of Louis who's done rejecting the depth of his feelings for Lestat and the role he's played in his own tragedy, regardless of Lestat's abuse, and ready to accept it and talk about it.

Love Louis' face relistening to his 1973's words versus 2022. The face of a man going "ah shit, I really was messed up back then".

- [Daniel] "'Fuck the 'Wolverine Blues'. Ken Burns can choke on the footnotes. It's the abused-abuser psychological relationship I'm talking about.'

[Louis] 'I do not consider myself abused.'

[Daniel] 'I mean, usually when you're a little too close to it, the abused still loves the abuser, but you flipped it completely on its head.'

[Louis] 'I'm not a victim.'

[Daniel] '50 years later, you talk like he was your soulmate, like you were locked in some fucked up gothic romance. Why?'"

First: Daniel's a petty bitch and he's getting to the bottom of this business whether Louis works with him or not. And Louis is equally petty and bitchy, answering Daniel by reading part of his own memoir and mocking him.

Secondly: well, yeah, it is a gothic romance, that's the genre. But it is a Contemporary Gothic romance. Contemporary Gothic expands on Classic Gothic. I wrote an essay about Contemporary Gothic using the movie Only Lovers Left Alive last year, I need to translate it from Spanish to English so I can share it. But I feel like I could reuse part of this essay to talk about IWTV book (inscribed in Classic Gothic) versus IWTV show (tending towards Contemporary Gothic). One more essay idea to develop later. Let's table this.

Thirdly: my little Loustat shipper heart is very happy.

And fourth: hey, Danny boy. Remember that conversation in a dozen of sessions because that will come in handy to explain a looooooot of things... Devil's Minion fans gleefully cackling in the background. And Armand isn't even in this scene. Talk about irony. And foreshadowing.

[Louis] "'This is the odyssey of recollection.' The tapes are an admitted performance. This is the premise of our interview. Half a century later, allow me my odyssey. [Daniel throws the tapes in the trash] Now who's performing?"

Louis being heartfelt but still hiding beneath his veneer - you know when he starts to be honest, or as genuine as he can at this point, when he starts to drop the accent. I swear I'm going to stop raving about Jacob's voice work at some point, but it's such an important part of the character, of who Louis is and how the audience can understand Louis, that it deserves an entire essay of its own.

And then Louis sasses Daniel and sets the tapes on fire, because that's not a performance at all, that. Pot meet kettle.

- [Louis] "Rigged to burn, Daniel" - foreshadowing...

- [Louis] "I barely had the energy to hold a book. My libido was not what it'd been. I understood the indulgence. I let it happen." - why are you such a liar, Louis. Stop fucking lying, Louis.

On a serious note, Louis' eating disorder emerging from his identity crisis, the clash of his religious upbringing with his new reality colliding with his lifelong depression... Who made that guy so relatable. But notice how there's a slight part of Louis' new diet here that's in direct reaction to Lestat's refusal to hear him and talk to him. They each punish each other for their perceived failings by acting in the way that'll hurt the other the most, even if that way hurts them too. Louis by letting himself starve and losing his energy when that's all Lestat wants him to do, Lestat by having several affairs and flaunting them, even when he explicitly says "I do everything for Louis". By the way, that little throwaway line? Lestat being genuine and fully honest about his feelings and motivations but playing it as a joke. If Louis had been hearing he'd have caught it and maaaybe we could have avoided some of the drama. Maybe.

- Oh, the whole Antoinette seduction scene is fascinating. Notice how Lestat barely looks at her? He only has eyes for Louis. And Louis cannot stand his gaze, he has to retreat. Says he understands, but then leaves in a huff. Disasters.

[Louis] "'So you didn't kill her.'

[Lestat] 'No. She has talents.'

[Louis] 'Aren't I enough?'" - excuse me while I go scream.

[Lestat] "We're communicating so much better now." - baby, no. That ain't communication. You two are still talking two different languages.

[Lestat] "Of course. Of course. Of course. As long as you come home to me." - that's way too many "of course", 'Stat. Maybe add a couple dozen more to reeeeally make your point that you're not bothered AT ALL by the idea of Louis seeing other people. Hypocrite...

- Welcome to WW1. Business, racism, capitalism, and the fantastic Miss Bricks. Can't wait for Tom Anderson to get eaten, that guy rubs me off the wrong way. Gotta love that Louis' standing up for himself. Aaaaand hello Jonah. Oop, Lestat's already staring and going insane with jealousy. Meanwhile Louis doesn't even remember he's got nieces. Looots of little crucial hits in this scene, between the poker game, WW1 come a-knocking, Loustat's fuckery and Louis' getting further and further away from his human family.

- [Jonah] "'Ain't aged a day since I seen you last.'

[Louis] 'That's the moonlight lyin' is all.'" - hi, Nicholas Sparks called, he says that line belongs in The Notebook and he's claiming copyright for it.

[Jonah] "'And most of why I signed up is I kept hearing something about something they call 'European sensibilities'. They care less what you look like or who you're lookin' at.'

[Louis] 'Yeah, I got someone.'

[Jonah] 'I figured as much. No ring on your finger?'

[Louis] 'Not a woman.'

[Jonah] 'Well, what's he like?'

[Louis] 'He's... a lot. It's not perfect. But we kind of have this agreement.'"

Yeah, believe me, racism and homophobia are very alive in Europe too. Though... The roaring twenties are right around the corner and that's a decade I would have loved to experience in Paris.

Hey, look! Louis has come around about his sexuality, is that the first time he comes out willingly and peacefully? Yey, progress. Also I love that he has explicit permission from Lestat to have his own affairs, but he feels uncomfortable about at it at first. But still goes for it 'cause you know. Gotta show Lestat he ain't bothered. Should have fed first tho, stupid. Also, Lestat overhearing Louis calling him "a lot" and "not perfect" > direct parallel to Claudia hearing Louis calling her a "burden" to Armand in s2. Louis is so good at being casually cruel to and about those he loves.

[Louis] "'Good fit, this uniform.'

[Jonah] 'Well, it's the moonlight.'" - sorry, Nicholas Sparks on line 3 again, he said that moonlight line is actually too sappy for even The Notebook. Said we can keep it, he doesn't want to pay our dentist note.

- Daniel Hart's music is fantastic.

- Ah, Lestat's jealousy crisis. Aw, the domesticity. Ooh, wait, love how the memory changes. You can see Louis struggling to remember which memory is accurate.

- Arf, Louis being rejected from his own family house and then breaking down the door. Mamaw du Lac, Mother of the Decade, everyone. Poor baby. The curse of the vampire. Downward spiral getting worse. And then coming home and seeing Lestat entertain the regiment? And then the news about the Azalea. Nervous breakdown about to happen. Oh, Lestat flexing his powers. Love that. Notice the blood trail coming from his ear? It appears again when he saves Louis during the trial. He's not without his limits. Regarding his powers or his feelings.

[Lestat] "I heard your hearts dancing" - so first of all, awards for Sam, when? Secondly, brb, need to sob a little. And third, Nicholas Sparks on the line again, wants to know if the writer of these lines is available to come work with him.

[Lestat] "'This is not a life!'

[Louis] 'That's' cause you took my life! I got nothing! I lost everything! I lost my brother. I lost my family. 'Bout to lose the last fucking thing I care about.'" - where are the awards for Jacob and Sam for heaven's saaaaaaaake. Also, love how the music briefly stops between 'everything' and 'brother'.

- [Louis] "When your mother sees the Devil in your eyes, it's a hard assessment to abandon. Am I from the Devil? Is my very nature that of the Devil? I had hedged against the question, but now it completely overwhelmed me." - Lestat and Armand had that conversation a century earlier...

[Daniel] "Take a Black man in America, make him a vampire, fuck with that vampire, and see what comes of it." - thanks for the social commentary, Danny, don't even need to do it myself. Now eat those assholes, Lou.

- [Louis] "You said I'm arrogant? Maybe I am arrogant! [...] I'm a vampire." - okay, can I soliloque about Louis please? Have I said he's my favourite of the entire books lately? As someone who has been called pretentious more than once just because I know my own value and refuse to play stupid, that part, yeah, that part gets to me. Louis finally knows who he is and refuses to pretend he's less just to please others. And as a lesson that I've finally embraced this year especially too, I like that. I like that a lot.

Oops. Louis just started a civil war in New Orleans. Fun. Like Lestat says, it's not on Louis tho. He merely "provided them the excuse".

[Louis] "And that's why you and me ain't never gon' work. That's why you're always gonna be alone." - oooh man, that was harsh. And only half deserved. And cruel in that typical Louis way. Also, wrong. But you're gonna have to wait another century for that. Oof, Lestat's face as Louis leaves, the crumbling, the desperation oozing out of his entire soul, heart and mind...

- "I ran from the Quarter that night, ran to where the violence spread most wild. I stumbled through the streets like an irrational child who had tested his strength on the small bird and now asked 'can I make it whole again?' - Can I help you? Please let me help you. - Their faces ran past me like snow in a terrible wind, unaware that it was I who had brought this retribution. It was I who should pay for this sin. And then... [Help me!] one of those inconceivable moments where who you were before and who you would be forever after is marked in time. [Help!] A rooming house, now a fire trap. I could not save the Azalea. I could not save Storyville. I could not save the aunt on the wrong side of the wall, but I could save her. My light. My Claudia. My redemption."

... Brb, need to scream in a pillow. Oooof. What a tirade. Louis, Saint Louis, Saint Louis, bearing the weight of the cross on his shoulders... Selflessness being selfishness, trying to help to try to alleviate his own pain and guilt. Doing good things out of a need to feel useful or at peace with your own conscience is not a bad thing, you're still helping whatever your motives, but when it starts making you unable to see the people you're trying to help as people, and starts making you see them as tools to relieve your tortured soul and conscience, are your good actions still good? Or the pavement on the road to a very dark place? Guess we'll let Claudia tell us her opinion.

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purgemarchlockdown · 1 year

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What Animal Can Tell Us About Amane: The Purge March Remaster.

(CWs: Cults, Child Abuse) (Note: This is sort of a sequel to this post, you don't need to read it to understand this though as I reiterate and expand on the points I make there due to the new information Purge March provided.)

Purge March is out now and has added and recontextualized a lot of elements in Magic and Amane Momose's story as a whole! So let's talk about it in relation to Amane's cover of Animal!

Cats

As I said in my original post, Animal has a very consistent cat motif. It's present in both the original illustration and the lyrics itself.

When it comes to Cats they tend to be viewed as signs of good luck and protection in Japan. They're also well known as cute, if not a bit lazy, aloof, and mischievous, housepets. Cats are, generally speaking, very well-loved animals

This is not the cat Animal talks about. The cat in animal is wild. A cat so deprived of love that it will do anything to get a taste of it. However it's wild nature and unwillingness to hold back make it lose out of the love it so desperately craves due to the "danger" it presents.

Now, Animal is a very suggestive song, but I'd argue that's actually to it's benefit if were viewing it in context with Amane's story for reasons I'll get to later.

For know, let's talk about the cat that Amane is known for.

Unlike what most of us expected, the Cat in Magic IS an actual cat, and I wanna draw some attention to how Amane gets paralleled with it.

Now Magic is it's own wild animal even before Purge March so we won't talk in great detail about these parallels, however it is important to note that in Purge March, the cat has a collar.

Not only that but its sitting with a bunch of junk, old furniture, tires, and something that looks like a TV, another notable motif in Magic.

This cat was someone's pet, something that was supposed to be taken care of, and yet was abandoned. This cat is ultimately implied to have been killed because someone else took care of it. Since the mere idea of it being shown love and affection was apparently so bad for these people.

Not only that but the injuries shown on the cat in Magic are not the cat's injuries, there Amane's.

Here's the injuries of the Cat in Magic, as you might of noticed the Cat in Purge March has a scratch on it's leg and is breathing well.

Amane is the one with bruises on her face and was shown hyperventilating due to being waterboarded.

It's both a very literal cat and a metaphor, Amane is portraying herself through the cat in Magic. While also downplaying her actually pain in Magic.

But we'll get to that in a bit.

All this to say, Animal's cat motif fits very well into Amane's prestablished parallels with them.

Which means we can move onto:

Vulgarity

The 2nd rule of her cult is this:

’Tis ordained, thou shall discard vulgarity

It's the rule we see Amane mess up at the start, and is the only flag not shown flying in the anticipatory shots.

Now the rule is pretty vague as we don't know what exactly is defined as vulgar, and that might be the point.

Amane, over the course of Milgram, has insisted, very hard, that she does not like frivolous things. That she is a very good girl who is strong in the face of temptations.

However a lot of things hint otherwise, for example a recurring line in Magic is her asking if it's alright to spoil herself.

Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?

In the same song she asks if it's okay to be "weak" the weakness most likely being this Want for "vulgarity" (and also escaping pain but we will get to that in a moment.)

Dear wise one, Is this ok? Is it ok to be weak sometimes?

We also have her T1 Interrogation questions, where for Q5 someone asked about Amusement parks.

Q: When you go to an amusement park, what do you like to ride? A: That is a place I should not go to.

Not, "I haven't been to" or "I don't want to" but "I should not" implying a rule.

In same Interrogation we also get Q3 and Q17 which add even more information:

Q3:

Q: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do? A: Nothing really. I am not lacking anything.

Q:17

Q: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow? If everything ends? A: Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

These seem contradictory at first, but it seems like the condition of the world ending that changes her answer. If the world is ending then the theoretical consequences of her actions aren't as severe. While Q3 doesn't state an ending, meaning that there is Always a risk of Punishment.

This is also very complementary with Q12

Q: What is the meaning of life? A: I think it is something you learn for the first time when you look behind yourself when it ends. I do not want to have regrets then, so I live on with all my might.

Amane doesn't Want to regret anything, so it make sense if she knows everything is going to end she'll do Everything She Wants.

We already know that she wants to eat cake due to this timeline interaction.

21/06/27

Shidou: Amane, I heard it was your birthday today. I asked Es-kun if we could get this cake to give to you…… Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this. Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding. Amane: ………… ……cake……

Timeline also gives us Amane wanting to pet Jackalope but pretending she doesn't. Which might be because of this and also might be because of what happened to the cat.

But we also have Purge Marge and Magic's visual presentation, which put Amane in cute and pretty costumes with fun props.

Magic especially is very indulgent. With Amane getting a really cute Magical Girl-esqe outfit in it and it being presented like a low-budget kids TV program.

Also, the TV found with the Cat in Purge March is possibly the same TV Amane was using at the end of it since Magic is full of Very Literal Metaphors. It's possible it was thrown out because of this presumed "vulgarity."

I could list examples for days but let's go back to Animal, as these concepts of vulgarity and acceptability is what makes Animal's suggestiveness an asset to it's storytelling. Animal Is a Vulgar Song, undeniably so.

The mask comes off and the beast comes out, I do it wild even if it’s ugly

It's the exact kind of song Amane would never in a million years be allowed to listen to! It might even be touted as an example of the sinfulness of the world, and that's why it works!

Amane is not a good girl, she admits it herself in Magic. She's someone who wants cute outfits and nice food and love and happiness and a bunch of other things as is Denied Them because Wanting in the first place is considered a sin.

Sin and Virtue

Sin and Virtue are a big part of Amane's story.

What is Virtuous?

What is not?

And what can be presented as sinful so you have an excuse to hurt someone?

As a song, Animal also toys with these concepts.

You want me to bite you? Accelerating beat, let’s do both the good and bad

What is acceptable and what is not? The character singing talks a lot about how disobedient they are and how that's undesirable.

The mask comes off and the beast comes out, I do it wild even if it’s ugly I can’t do sit, I can’t even do stay, purr until I go

As said previously, Amane Momose is not a good girl. At least not by the standards of her cult. She is simply too sinful, she is not close enough to god. In a world that wants her to be a dog, she is a cat. She is a horrible sinful person in a righteous world.

She is a bad, bad girl who wants so many sinful things who also wants desperately to be good so she can be cherished and loved and Not Abused.

Even I can say "I'm sorry" Even I have hope I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!

She's Treated as someone who is undesirable, treated as someone who is sinful. And as much as she Tries she's unable to change that.

After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”

Amane also cares A Lot about having a righteous reason to do things. Why wouldn't she if she's been treated as sinful for her entire life? She needs that approval from god, from her cult, from her parents because if not that means she's evil and sinful and something that should be punished.

She doesn't even call herself a good girl in Magic! She just says she can only become better.

I take an oath! I can only become a better girl!

Amane eliminated her mom because her mom wasn't able to reach her own standards and taught Amane that the appropriate reaction to that was violent punishment.

But she still wants her dad's approval.

Q12:

Q: Who do you want to meet right now? A: My father. I want him to praise me for working hard.

Amane really, really, wants to be saved from her own sinful, horrible self. Because, if you were raised to believe that you or your actions were sinful, having that behavior "corrected," thus "saving your soul." could be considered...love.

Amane's T2 Voice Drama:

Amane: I’m happy that I was born to my parents! It was a bit difficult, and it could feel restrictive sometimes, but I’m really happy that I could grow up on such beautiful teachings! I want to live this way!

The Conflation of Pain and Love.

One of my favorite lines in Animal is this one:

If I could even love pain, I would be so happy

The song gestures towards dissatisfaction and lack of love and care multiple times but it gets stated directly here. If only the singer could love pain, if only they could be okay with a low standard of love, maybe they could actually feel happy and fulfilled.

Let’s get lost in each other, plunge into the gate, high expectations of love is not allowed ---------------------- But it’s not scary at all, because it’s love I can really think it’s great. See isn’t it a great thing?

However, as said above, the concepts of sin and weakness and greed are also conflated with wanting and happiness.

If you can be a little greedy, I want to be happy ----------------------- Dear wise one, Is this ok? Is it ok to be weak sometimes?

We can draw the a connection here, wanting good things for yourself is showcasing greed, wanting to be happy is weakness. This is something that makes sense as her cult is stated to consider pain and suffering trails.

Amane: Both pain and illness are trials. According to our teachings, those who run from them are the worst evil there is. That’s one of the four great principles. No matter who you are, that cannot be forgiven.

This explains so much about Amane's worldview. This is why she keeps on asking if it's okay to be weak, if it's okay to spoil herself in Magic. She is constantly going through these "trials," and she can't get away since running away from them is considered a horrific evil.

Her attempts at self-comfort and coping are considered as a weakness, your supposed to just suck it up and deal with it. Having coping mechanisms to horrific inhuman situations is bad actually because it means your running away from god, apparently.

You could easily imagine a situation where Amane is punished for killing her mom, not because it's murder, but because she "escaped" from her trial of punishment and is thus "evil."

(I talk about this in relation of Amane's idealization of the Milgram system here if you want to check that out.)

Pain is Amane's Way to God, it's Amane's way to Salvation, a glimmer of hope for her horrible sinful self.

Even I can say "I'm sorry" Even I have hope I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!

Pain is love, pain is their way of "fixing" Amane, pain is their way of "cleansing" Amane.

Except, as stated previously, it doesn't work, it never will! Amane can't be cleansed, can't be purified, no matter how much she tries to be a good girl she'll ultimately fall short.

Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile Forever, forever together would be a dream

Because as much as you can train a wild animal to be a pet, you cannot train a cat to be a dog.

Inability to Change

Amane is unable to change, not in the sense of unable to improve. Amane definitely can, cult survivors aren't unheard of.

Amane, is however, unable to change who She is.

Because, who can really? I'm autistic and masking even just a bit makes me feel physically weak after an hour or so. I doubt the 12 year old who wants happiness can pretend she's satisfied forever.

Amane is a person, she can't change that about herself, she just can't. The original sins of humankind sits inside her body festering like a disease. Amane is wrong for wanting close and stable connections. Amane is wrong for wanting to help someone. Amane is wrong for wanting things that would make her happy.

Amane is wrong because she's Amane Momose and she was always going to be wrong no matter what she did.

She can try her best to be the perfect animal, one able to follow every rule and command with perfect accuracy. One able to lobotomize themselves and strip away everything they made them, them.

But she can never change the fact that she's a cat in a world that wants her to be dog.

Layers of makeup, the perfect animal, I'm waiting with my eyes wide open I can’t do sit, I can’t even do stay, purr until I go Show your fangs and howl, are you ready? on the count of three let's say "ZUKKYUUUUN♡", once I bite I don’t let go Layers of makeup, the perfect animal, I'm waiting with my eyes wide open

#milgram #amane momose #008 #milgram amane #milgram meta #milgram analysis #cw child abuse #cw cults #cw torture #I got really fucking passionate writing this holy shit.

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weirdtinkerbellversion · 10 months

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Just got out of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and I loved it so much but as always, I have thoughts and feelings. So here's the initial observation. FULL SPOILERS for The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes BELOW you have been warned.

First of all, I loved the way they organized it and the fact that they kept the 3 acts clearly defined the same way the books did, and the opening scene is brilliant. Putting it at the forefront like that gives you all you need to know to understand Corio later. The acting is phenomenal, the songs (I could die). All in all, kudos. Absolutely brilliant. Now to the things I wish they had done differently.

First, changing the sequence of events in the arena. I understand we're on a time limit but there are details that to me, reading the book, I felt were too important not to put in. Examples below.

One: the fact that Lucy's poisoned water does not kill Wovey, only Dill. Don't get me wrong, they both get the point across and the fact that Lucy is in fact responsible for someone younger and weaker than her dying, but I feel like in the films, they established this stronger connection between Lucy and Wovey in a couple of scenes, including them holding hands as they walk into the games, and Wovey being killed by that bottle would have really pushed things in a way I would have liked to see.

Two: the way they changed Reaper and his behavior and his ending. What I loved about Reaper in the books was his defiance in silence. Everything he did for the tributes he did without ever saying a word, which in my opinion was more powerful than when he yells in the films, but that's a minor detail. What I didn't like was that he was killed by the snakes and we don't get to see Lucy use his graveyard and the flag against him, doing that little cat and mouse dance until he dies. His death in the movie was shot beautifully, with his arms wide, sitting among the dead bodies he compiled, poetic as fuck, but give me the book death because it says so much about both his and Lucy's characters.

Three: this is a more minor detail but I wish they hadn't changed the way Lysistrata handles Jessup's death and his rabies. Instead of her offering to save Lucy by sending all this water, it's Coryo who suggests it out of the blue and Lys doesn't like it.

My second issue with the film is that I felt act 3 was a little rushed in its storytelling. We get all the events for the most part but I felt like they were running out of time and trying to cram everything that happens in these last 45 minutes. For example, we see them hunting the Mockingjays but we never get an explanation, we never understand what they're doing (for viewers who have not read the book). And because of that, we see so much less of this hatred that Coryo has for the mockingjays that is so well set up in the book. We also get the results of Snow's aptitude test out of the blue as well. I wish we had gotten a little more insight into the life that he and Sejanus led for a bit to contextualize everything and to help us connect even more. Even Sejanus' exclusion from the trip to the lake and the relationship with the Covey made me a little sad because those moments in the books helped make the separation and realization of "betrayal" if you want to call it that even more poignant. It helped us see how truly selfish Coryo is and his lack of connection with anyone in that part of his life.

Third, I wish we had seen him throw away his mother's compact and his photos of his family and only keeping his father's compass as he leaves District 12. That moment in the book was so important for me. We see him becoming more like his father and throwing away the things that remind him of his mother and Tigris who were the kinder people in his life.

Anyway, this was a long rant about things that popped into my head while I was watching. The film is absolutely brilliant and I didn't want it to end and I want more songs and soundtracks and I'll definitely be rewatching it when I can.

#the ballad of songbirds and snakes #TBOSAS #the hunger games #coriolanus snow #lucy gray baird

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maebyshifting · 1 year

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my descendants dr!

𓆷 ━━━ background info ━━━ 𓆷

firstly i haven't even watched descendants until last year when my friend forced me to and i absolutely fell in love with it

my favorite movie is def the second one, but my ranking goes two, three, then one. uma's crew brings exactly what it needed and i love them so much

in general my favorite character is evie i love her <3 mwah the older sister figure i never knew i needed

𓆷 ━━━━ about me ━━━━━ 𓆷

my name is raye fitzherbert and i am the child of rapunzel and eugene!

we are 18/19 and auradon is a university instead of a prep/high school

ben and i are basically like siblings as our parents are very close - unfortunately auradon believes we're arranged to be married since we are so close

i have a cat named sunny and she is an actual ray of sunshine i love her so much

here she is :)

i don't have any siblings, which is why ben and i are so close since we're only children

my wardrobe consists of a lot of yellow + lavender + light blue combos

i have a dagger that i have on me at all times just in case and know how to sword fight/use it

i look more like my dad but i have my moms eyes and freckles :)

𓆷 ━━━━━ extra details about my home + auradon ━━━━━━ 𓆷

while there are dorms in auradon, i do not have a roommate right now but i can request one if i want

in my home castle my room is up in the tower and is full of artistic doodles from my mom and i and its a lavender and sunny aesthetic

lots of purple and yellow if that makes sense (yellow is my favorite color even in my cr so it makes sense for me)

speaking of yellow my dorm at auradon is more yellow than lavender because its my favorite color :)

there's a lot of majors but i have no idea what i want to major in yet so i'm still figuring it all out

we actually use magic in auradon! i think magic is so central and our parents definitely passed their magic onto us so we get to use it

also in carona we have a lantern ceremony for my birthday and it is so beautiful i get emotional every time

so we celebrate my birthday and the day my mom was found, there's other festivals as well to celebrate things like harvest and fall <3

𓆷 ━━━━ timeline ━━━━━ 𓆷

i am shifting to the first movie, specifically the day that the vks are coming to auradon!

i love to meet people and experience all of that so i get to meet the vks with ben and help show them around

nothing really changes in the first movie, mal doesn't drug ben because that was wild but ben definitely has had a crush on mal for a while now

i convinced him to propose his vk plan <3

in the second movie i also go to the isle with ben and we both get kidnapped!

i made a tiktok about this but i literally follow him and wind up being taken as well- oops

but hey thats where i meet uma's crew!

and harry but thats not important rn-

third movie i'm with jane for her birthday and meet up with everyone in the woods like in the movie

so yeah other than that its like super close to the movies

i can't wait for after the third movie though timeline was because it's going to be so fun with all the villain kids in auradon with us

especially uma's crew <3 i love uma so much i respect the hell out of her

𓆷 ━━━ relationships ━━━━ 𓆷

as i already said, ben and i are basically siblings auradon doesn't agree rn smh

we speak to each other in french when we don't want others to know what we're saying

also as stated before ben has a HUGE crush on mal

because we've been doing research on the isle so he could propose his idea to his parents

anway

i'm really good friends with jane and my friend sol :) idk if they're on tumblr but they are my shifting best friend and we script each other into our drs so we can meet

anyway sol is chad's twin and they're cinderella and prince charming's kids

her and chad are very close as siblings, brains and beauty frfr

i haven't met any of the vks yet but i hope to be really good friends with them :)

especially evie and uma's crew

but like i'm excited to meet everyone

lets talk about harry hook

i like to script scenarios so if you're not into that feel free to ignore this! i like to jot the ideas down so it finally leaves my head

sooooo harry has a little crush

that's the best way to explain it

so while ben has a crush on mal, harry has a little crush on a certain princess and doesn't think it'll ever happen until the press interview said princess where they state that ben and her are more like siblings not arranged lovers

so yeah :) descendants two is going to be fun

audrey doesn't like me or mal

she thinks i'm in the way of her families plan for her to be queen but i'm literally like go! take him! i don't want ben!

but he has eyes on mal so she doesn't like that either

other than that i'm very close with my parents and ben's parents

also gil and i are going to be best friends. i haven't met him yet but that's my goal because he also speaks french and is so naturally funny

𓆷 ━━━━ extras ━━━━━ 𓆷

in this dr we do still sing and dance which is so fun

my dance partner usually was ben, but after the vks arrived it turns into jay

jay gives older brother vibes idk he makes me feel safe

there's a ton of balls as well where we dress up and wear our crowns since a lot of us are princesses/princes

here's my crown :) its like a mini version of my moms crown but in my mind its more stylized to fit the yellow/lavendar theme i have

i think that's everything i can think of- if anyone has any questions i'd love to answer them!

i love talking about my drs and this one is so special to me because the world is so amazing and i love the music so much

also if you have a descendants dr please tell me about them!

#reality shifting #shifting #quantum jumping #shiftblr #scripting #shifting community #disney descendants #descendants #shifting to descendants #my descendants dr #i had a dream about harry hook thats why he's my s/o here #also i love slow burn #and friends to lovers #and this one is enemies to friends to lovers so its even better #about my dr #dr #desired reality

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sincerely-sofie · 6 months

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still cant get over travailshipping. i remember when you first tested the waters with it (which i believe was some time before the tpiag chapters started coming out?) and at first i thought it was pretty funny. ark slowly but surely falling headfirst for twig, who if she had a tagline it would be "if i could turn my feelings into weapons, mine would be a goddamn nuclear bomb", and her at first just being oblivious to it and thinking that the letters that expressed love and care that were written in cursive in her mailbox were just funny and she wanted to show them to ark with the guy just looking at her with the most "well that backfired in the weirdest way possible". but when tpiag finally ended i finally connected the dots as to why these two are just. augh. i wont go into detail here in your askbox but i wanna know is: HOW DID YOU DO IT. HOW DO YOU KEEP MAKING SUCH GOOD IDEAS FOR THE FUNNY DIGITAL ANIMALS. TELL ME.

(thinking to myself) "Ugh I should stop posting so much travailshipping stuff... It's probably so annoying to everyone who sees it. I feel bad for my poor followers. I'll check my inbox real quick and then commit to shaking up my content by—" *gets obliterated by your niceness*

Oh man. I remember posting that poll where I hesitantly described a possible Darkrai/Twig pairing in the tags while proposing Twig/Kip as an alternative route, despite it not being the direction I wanted to take the characters, because I was so scared of what people’s reactions might be. If I remember right, I posted it a little bit before I had just barely reached 5k words in the first draft of TPiaG.

I've been trying to write up detailed responses to how I come up with good ideas for travailshipping in particular, but there's one rule I use that defines everything after it and speaks for all of them: I have fun with the characters.

That's it. That's the rule. If I don't want to write a subject, I don't. I stick with what I find enjoyable and resonant. Does a joke make me laugh? Does a scene make me cry? Does a villain make me punch a hole in my wall? Does a cute gesture make me squeal? If so, then into the project it goes. I think people can feel when someone is having fun with their work, and that fun radiates out into their own experience consuming that work. It's like laughter— joy is something we're sharing with others as long as we feel it. Fun is contagious.

Also: when you don't force yourself to make things you hate, you attract people who like the same things as you. These people will find your work even more fun— because not only did you have fun making it, they're having double fun consuming it.

An important tangent I'll go off on is that I think that every creative project idea is a good idea. There's so many beloved bizarro ideas in the world, even the ones who try to be cool about how weird their premises are. There's this weird show where the main character works as a service industry worker in an underwater setting that's ruled by a Roman deity— he lives in a piece of fruit, and his pet gastropod makes cat noises. This show sounds like word salad garbage on paper and could be tossed out for its nonsensical nature, and yet SpongeBob SquarePants has made Nickelodeon over $13 billion dollars and is a treasured part of many childhoods. There's also a character who spends his time locked in intellectual and physical combat with a wannabe clown and wears a costume with bat ears while doing it. Batman's been an icon for over 80 years.

All of this is to say:

Ideas are always good ideas by virtue of existing. They don't derive their goodness from external sources. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Make more of what you love. Don't make things you hate making.

If you have fun while making the thing, people will have fun while they consume the thing's content.

I hope this makes sense. I didn't touch on idea generation as much as embracing existing ideas. Fingers crossed that was the right response. I'd just woken up from a nap as I was writing it, so hopefully it's not too meandering and managed to answer the question and—

— Oh shoot. Was that a hypothetical question??? Uh. Sorry if I went off on this rant when you were just trying to voice your niceness. Oops. 🫥

#also: feel free to go into detail in my inbox 👀#i am always happy to hear people's thoughts on my blorbos #creativity tip #creativity advice #writing tip #writing #creativity tips #swear warning #creativity tips with sofie #(kinda)#sofie answers asks

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brightblueflare · 8 months

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The idea of an exiled Clan, that, no matter what its members do, slowly falls apart fascinates me.

The sheer potential for storytelling. The exploration of the characters' grief for the lost home, their fury at the other Clans' betrayal, the fear and desperation as the rats, floods, predators, hunger and sickness bring down their numbers one by one... Sky, the last member, completely alone, trying to keep the traditions and customs of the doomed SkyClan alive, but knowing his time's running out and that, when he dies, so will his Clan...

Then, all of a sudden, there's hope. Cats want to join the new SkyClan, his neighbors begin to be curious about his beliefs and traditions, there's now someone keeping him company. Skywatcher lived alone for most of his life, but now he has cats who love him or, at least, appreciate him. And, more symbolically, his name. For most of his life, his name was Sky, a reminder of what he never had, the last member of a forgotten Clan. But now, it's Skywatcher, rare as the -watcher suffix is, it's a Clan name, he has a Clan, SkyClan is alive.

Plus, the little detail that "Skywatcher" can mean looking at the sky, literally, or it can mean... watching over SkyClan, like a newly named warrior does on their vigil.

But, no matter how much I love SkyClan, I don't like Firestar's Quest.

The Firestar of this book is great. He's back to his shenanigans of defying StarClan to do the right thing and he even admits he misses his humans. I think the way he teaches Sparrowpelt and Cherrytail is a nice contrast to the way he teaches Cloudtail in Rising Storm. He's much more patient, and tries to give them good reasons for why they shouldn't do something (like bullying Sky, he gives them good examples of why Sky doesn't deserve their mockery).

But aside from that, this book is awful.

Firestar doesn't get over Spottedleaf, and Sandstorm has to resign herself to her husband still not being over his childhood crush on her fucking aunt (Redtail, Sandstorm's father, is littermates with Spottedleaf). The towncats don't have culture, the threat SkyClan faces is nothing anyone couldn't have solved (which actually can fall under the White Savior trope), Firestar learns nothing (I was partial to him realizing he can have a paw in both worlds, because there's no explanation to why he can't, so why can't that law be a method of control?), and the whole book stinks of colonialism.

There's nothing being replaced, like what the colonizers told themselves. They're bringing culture, instead of destroying the culture that already exists to replace it with their own.

Maybe I'm looking too much into things, but point is I don't like it.

(Details for the AU under the cut)

So, for the Blazing Sky AU, I'm gonna make a list of the things I want to change.

SkyClan isn't forgotten. The Forest Four remember and justify their exile, and the cats that live close to the gorge remember the "cats with cool names" that used to be their neighbors. This is important.

Rainfur, now Rainbloom to avoid conflict with the TC Rainfur from Goosefeather's Curse (and because we need more boys with flower/plant names), is named in honor of SkyClan and the cats from the gorge. His mother gave him a Clan name knowingly and on purpose. It's unknown wether she did it because she liked the names, or because someone important to her was a cat from the gorge. Either way, it's likely Rainbloom doesn't have SkyClan blood.

Echosong has SkyClan blood, but here she has training as a medic before she joins SkyClan. She's asked to join by someone, maybe Princess/Creekshine or Petalnose, instead of being guided there by dreams.

In general, many members of Modern SkyClan have Ancient SkyClan ancestry. Most, however, do not, or at least one that isn't known. This is something I want to make sure is clear. A Clan is a community, and the message is more powerful if not everyone has SkyClan blood, and instead came together to take care of each other, regardless of background, because that's what a community is for.

SkyClan diverges a lot from the Forest Four. Their ancestors followed a different, older version of the warrior code, and Modern SkyClan will add, remove and edit laws as they see fit.

Everything the members of the new Clan learn about Ancient SkyClan will be through Skywatcher, or a relative of theirs.

The cats have holidays and parties. There must be more to life than hunting and patrolling, or else there's no point in becoming part of a Clan.

The cats from town have different accents and some words differ a lot, but generally understand each other. However, the Clans have a different language due to their isolation.

Terms are changed. Seasons, cars, roads and the like are referred to by their human names, medicine cats are seers (and medics after the role splits in two in SkyClan). The Clans still use greenleaf, leafbare and the like, to point out the use of different languages.

The kitty xenophobia is called out, Daylight warriors are back, and Ancient SkyClan blood isn't necessary to join Modern SkyClan.

More varied familial relationships without neglecting friendships.

The cats outside the Clans have civilization and culture.

Queer cats, queer relationships and disabled characters my beloved.

The rats stay, I can't remove something so silly and funny and forgive myself for it, but they are getting significantly overhauled.

More or less, this is everything I'm changing about Firestar's Quest (aside from the obvious of Rusty/Firestar being younger and joining SkyClan instead of ThunderClan and Princess, Oliver and Smudge being there). I'll get into the details in another post.

I should probably explain the rats, instead of acting like everyone knows what's gonna happen...

#Blazing Sky AU #modern skyclan #firestar's quest #warrior cats

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sterdas-blog · 1 year

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Retroactive Jealousy!

I think it's very important to remember to be kind to yourself. My thoughts, behaviors, or struggles don't mean that I'm a bad person or inferior. Knowing them and actively trying to work on them are actually the signs of someone who is incredibly brave, forward-thinking, self-loving at its core, and high-value ;) I don't judge nor question myself but instead am kind and understanding.

Ironically and funnily enough, I'm really not bothered by any specific ex-lovers in my partner's past at all. I'm not bothered by my partner's sexual past; what I'm really afraid of is what it represents.

They're representations of my own insecurities.

I'm insecure about my performance and her enjoyment and satisfaction: I'm a bit insecure about my inexperience, however: Experience doesn't mean that either person was any good, it's more or less just a number. And likewise, inexperience doesn't mean that I'm not good or that Cat doesn't enjoy being with me sexually either. (She's openly expressed her enjoyment with me and told me out of the blue that I am good.) About my partner's enjoyment and satisfaction: if she says it, I should believe her. (that's just how she is v.v) It doesn't make sense to compare also, because it's just different and pretty much impossible to do.

A little article that's relevant:

But on the other hand, when it comes to measuring sexual satisfaction within a heterosexual relationship, there is so much more than exclusively the orgasm.

This goes for both sexes, both men and women.

Pleasure comes in different forms and on different levels. Being intimate with your partner, enjoying their company, enjoying their body, finding satisfaction in the connection, and enjoying giving just as much as receiving can be just as satisfactory without an orgasm.

On both a physiological level and a psychological and emotional level, the arousal, the stimulation, and the process of getting there can be in some cases more and better than the relief provided by the orgasm. The pleasure is not limited to the genitalia and the touch, it involves all other senses, the sight, the smell, the sounds, and the taste of the other. These are proven to start to release the feel-good hormones even before the touch comes on. This is how foreplay doesn’t definitely need even physical presence and how some well-placed words can already be a huge turn-on, and this is how women can orgasm even without being touched.

Less is sometimes more. Not digging deep into the different orgasm types that women can experience, from very mild to mindblowing, sometimes one single orgasm is all that is needed. It can be so earth-shattering that going for another one seems impossible at best or torture at worst anyway.

I was writing before about a perfect one-night stand, with incredible chemistry and unexpected connectedness. The smell, the taste, the touch, everything was just magical. We shared a cosmic experience, in a way neither of us experienced before, leaving us breathless, craving for more and more, not sleeping at all — that would have been just impossible. What? Should I miss a second of touching him and feeling him on me and in me? No way!

I left out one tiny detail. We made love three times which lasted 6 hours. He had one orgasm. And I had none. I left this out because it was unimportant. There was an orgasm gap. One to zero. I left it out because what we had was more than an orgasm competition. It was better and more than anything I have ever experienced with anyone. Would I have wanted an orgasm? Maybe. I’m not sure it would have been better by that.

Final word:

For me, the formula for good sex:

mutual pleasure (not orgasm but pleasure),

connection on some (or more) level,

and being present together.

The increasing number of female orgasms can start to close the orgasm gap, but just the quantity itself is not compensating for quality, chemistry, or connection.

And I, personally, would go for quality, chemistry, and connection over quantity anytime, without a second thought.

Using orgasm count as a measure of enjoyment is stupid because there's so much more to sex than just that (for women a bit more than for men. It doesn't matter that much for me already, so I can probably imagine how my female partners would feel about it), the mutual pleasure, the connection, the presence, the dynamic,... and more are so much more important, arousing, and amazing). It also is incredibly cringe and a hallmark sign of insecurity to focus so much on orgasm count and use it as validation. It makes the sex pretty terrible and shows disrespect for both parties and low self-esteem/self-confidence. I know also that I'm pretty amazing already(not to toot my own horn here hehe); the lack of self-confidence and fitness gets in the way a bit sometimes though :c. But that being said, I know that I'm a great lover, and as I continue to work on myself, I know that there's absolutely nothing I should be worried about hehe.

I'm afraid of losing her: It's a blow from my self-esteem and confidence issues. My conscious mind knows that she loves and cares for me, that she won't sleep with anyone else, that she won't get into a relationship with anyone else,... It's my subconscious mind and my insecurities that attack me. The fear of her not being satisfied sexually and us breaking up for it is just another way those feelings manifest and get to me. I know now where they come from, and I'm doing my best to counter them ;)

Coping/moving forward:

I care so much about my performance because of what sex means to me, and the stakes it carries: I'm not doing my partner a service here:( It's mainly me using sex and using my partner as a way to regulate my emotions and issues, and that's not nice. Ironically enough, worrying so much about performance is actually what diminishes it and makes sex less enjoyable. Caring for myself and my own sexual satisfaction, and taking away the pressure, stress, and tense-ness, actually points directly to the formula of great sex - mutual pleasure, connection, and being present.

Stop Believing the Stories Created by Your Mind:The sex my partner had in the past wasn't some crazy extravaganza, but more just plain (and most likely had its fair share of problems and insecurities from what I could deduct). Comparing is stupid of course cause it's just different, but if it had to be done, then I would say it was probably more or less the same-ish. Run-of-the-mill. However, that was the me of the past that didn't know better, but now it's different hehe. The sex that me and my partner would have in the future, however, that's a different story ;) I know also that I'm pretty amazing already(not to toot my own horn here hehe); the lack of self-confidence and fitness gets in the way a bit sometimes though :c. But that being said, I know that I'm a great lover, and as I continue to work on myself, I know that there's absolutely nothing I should be worried about hehe.

Be in the moment and remind myself of who Cat wants right now: Does she still think about him now? No. Did she get on better with him than you? No. Would she rather be with him than you? No. Your partner, right now, probably has no interest whatsoever in these ex-lovers, and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now than here with you.

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hungersauce · 1 year

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I'm not part of the peoples the conversation concerns, so take me with a grain of salt, but I like helping and I want to help create new associations that aren't actively racist and have their roots in observations of the real world [vs the appropriation of indigenous beliefs.] And I want to encourage the creation of one's own mythos that isn't 1 to 1 translation thus still engaging with the racism. Soo. As a literary dweeb & freaky little grotesque fan, here's a few [but not all of my] ideas.

Carrion eaters are an obvious choice but you risk further demonizing them - if you use this I'd advice making your 'monster' something that is not actively malicious but instead just an animal existing. [And yes, your horror monsters can DEFINITELY be things that aren't going out of their way. It can actually be scarier and carry more depth to have them be things simply existing, or things of pure metaphor/symbolism. Yknow, anything other than "out to get you."] Honestly, most 'obvious' choices are probably at risk of this. Pick something weird or innocuous if you can.

Rabbits are an animal that are present enough to be hunted and eaten and if they are the primary food source you will still be starving. Your stomach will be full but you will still be dying. There is not enough fat on their lean bodies to feed a human being. Like most rodents, rabbits kept in captivity as livestock are apt to just fall over dead one night. They have real purpose to their cannibalism - only when stressed or they don't have the resources or the baby is sick ect ect ect. They don't do it for giggles.

Horses are a bit trickier. I feel you might risk continued association due to the horse also being a hoofed animal, but there's a very real argument to be made for horses being the first to go during hard times. They need a lot of food and are really fragile and cultures that surrounded horses would eat them in times of need (and you could further use the point that horses are also loved companions - humans feel guilt for the things they do in the name of survival to the things they love.) Horses also just eat small animals for no real reason, and meat in large quantities is toxic to them because their liver isn't made for that, so.

People don't like to think about dogs and death in the same string, but they're important in this conversation I think. They're hunters and companions and that little detail of being companions to humans is what makes them incredibly viable. As previously mentioned, humans generally don't feel very good about it when a companion has to die, especially in our current culture of dogs as things to love and not animals we designed to do work. Carnivores don't usually taste very good and you lose more energy the further away you get from plants in the food chain as far as things you can eat go. Dogs require a decent chunk of resources to have and maintain and the average person probably wouldn't like looking at a starved dog very much. Dogs can read human body language and infer the meaning of new words/movements fairly well, and they are capable of deception, but their cognitive ability is comparable to most other domestic animals. I have a soft spot in my heart for dog imagery - there's a lot of associations to play around with in theming, positive and negative, and using something seen as "cute" and "lovable" that is truly dangerous and needs proper understanding like any other animal is a good way to disturb people.

Any domestic animal is probably good in its own right (hell, how many recorded instances are there of birds feeding on their owners? Cats? Dogs?) but my back hurts and I don't want to be typing anymore. Get creative and look at the world around you for inspiration. Your choices are great and many and you'll find things that fit your purpose shockingly well, if you try.

#horror #writing #phlyaros' nonsense #i didnt want to put this in the post #but the whole time I was typing this #I was thinking about a story from a hospice worker about two rats stuck in syrup under a fridge #that only knew it happened because one started eating the other #and the rat that was being eaten was screaming horribly #i don't remember anything about the resolution of that. I dont think they even said. sorry.#the readability of this sucks but i dont have the energy to fix it. also sorry #death with mechanical purpose is scarier to me than pointless death

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aronarchy · 2 years

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I wanna hear about your transhumanist ideas! 👀 /gen /posi

Last month I answered this ask from someone else, detailing which aspects of transhumanism I feel are most relevant to my own life/the ones I personally want/need first (or at least the ones which were at the forefront of my mind/were the easiest to think up at the time) (along with some other things).

Transhumanism at its core is the belief that we (and this logic extends to all sentient beings (or whatever else encompasses "all beings with ethical utility")) all deserve to not suffer (or whatever is the more accurate equivalent/summary of "not experiencing negative utility") as much as possible/as much as we want, and deserve to have whatever we need in order to achieve this. Transhumanism demands a total rejection of all essentialist moral imperatives—the assertion that things are (morally) obligated to be a certain way simply because That's What They're Supposed To Be Like (with no genuine non-circular justifications for it; their only true reasoning, when reduced, is "well Nature/God(s) intended it to be that way" and from there "well you are supposed to obey their (supposed) dictums because you're supposed to and that's just the way things are").

Transhumanism is less a single set of some ideas than a framework through which we view and interpret reality and ethical questions and future-planning; our resulting ideas/specific proposals for specific situations/to meet specific needs all stem from those fundamental principles.

I believe that my life sucks to a great degree, and everyone's life sucks to at least some degree, and that instead of passively accepting the status quo as just and fair we should change that, because we don't "deserve" such suffering, and most of us are convinced we deserve it because accepting the alternative brings a great deal of hopelessness and despair and anger, and many try to convince each other that we deserve it as that's what they've always been told, and "you're obligated to suffer/suffering makes life worth living/you're supposed to suffer if nature/god intended it to be that way/well it's Not Actually That Bad and it's okay that you can't choose to opt out of it because you don't/won't/can't actually want to choose" is baked into the very foundations of our fundamentalist and capitalist exploitative culture.

A particular priority of transhumanists is life extension/immortality—recognizing that it's a horror that we are forced to develop diseases, painfully age and then die, and hoping to remedy that ASAP. (I believe the idea of resurrection as an option is important as well, but that's a slightly different issue.) This is part of a larger desire for total bodily autonomy and morphological freedom (ability to physically do with your body whatever you want, change it however you want, or even have multiple bodies or not have a body at all. I'm particularly excited to get cat ears and become an anime girl and also physically resolve the most painful parts of my mental illnesses in ways which aren't currently possible/which I don't have any options for at our current technological level.)

Some more things would be using physical technological means to solve any other physical problem you can think of right now which seems like it has no solution. Teleportation makes a lot of sense. Expanding our living space. Resolving our current environmental issues. Making ecological disaster leading to death or species extinction no longer a threat to us. Etc.

I believe transhumanism necessarily requires anarchism and anarchism necessarily requires transhumanism (if consistent and totally liberatory). Some other transhumanists have done more political thinking/writing in terms of possible tech/how to manage it without causing harm/suffering. Lecter suggested the idea of physical/technological alterations to "human nature" (if that's a thing we could uniformly change successfully for such ends in the first place) to totally eradicate abuse/violence. (I mean his purely political attempts/plans to eradicate abuse/violence are kind of lacking and that might be why he felt the need, and I've tried thinking a bit about how that could be implemented as consensually as possible/with minimum human rights violations/if that's even possible and am also interested in keeping that open as an option, but that's a whole other topic and it's a bit too messy/brain-scrambly for me.)

Transhumanists acknowledge that many of these ideas are very very likely to not come true anytime soon. We also reject doomers who conflate "this is unlikely to come true anytime soon" with "well it's not worth having/it's wrong to strive for it/you shouldn't try at all/then wanting it/believing you should have it is wrong/'frivolous.'"

#ask #anon #late answer #transhumanism #utilitarianism #metaethics #philosophy #anarcha-transhumanism #liberation #deity abolition #consent #anarchism #autonomy #bodily autonomy #101

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