#we don't get to be flawed and messy and loved regardless

[theghostofashton]

something to be said about how easily characters of color have their trauma diminished. how swiftly and thoughtlessly people decide that it is inconvenient or burdensome, to have to consider, to have to care about the way a character of color's life experience and trauma may have affected their decision making. how characters of color either have their trauma sanitized or disregarded and how both serve the ultimate goal of diminishing it. diminishing the reality of non-palatable reactions to trauma, the possibility that it may affect their behavior in ways that are seemingly obvious when talking about white characters. characters of color are either perfect angels who can't be flawed and will never do a thing wrong or evil villains with malicious intentions solely existing to cause problems. never real, never human, either examples of what to be or what not to be. it's exhausting.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

this is probably stupid to ask, but do you like snape? or the marauders? there's always fanwars happening between marauders stans and snape stans. tbh i'm just curious where you stand (i like both, and prefer their canon selves rather than the fanon which is btw really stupid. they feminized sirius so much its not even sirius anymore.) what made you like snape? if you do, or are you neutral with him? just for a change of question since i always ask about harry.

Thanks for the ask! I don't think it's stupid.

I prefer their canon counterparts as well, the Marauders fanon has so little to do with canon I can hardly call the characters by the same name. They just aren't the same characters. Anyway, I'm gonna try and summarise my highly subjective opinions about them here.

1. Sirius Black

He's my second most favorite character and my favorite among the characters you mentioned. I wrote about him a lot on this blog, so I don't really feel the need to write more.

But, he's smart, resilient, and goofy on occasion. His love for Harry is one of my favorite aspects of his character because he loves Harry so much. And he has his flaws. He can be cruel, cold, and arrogant and I wouldn't like him as much if he wasn't visibly a member of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black regardless of how much he tried to get away from his legacy. I love how messy his feelings about his family are. He left Regulus' room as it was, even though the rest of the house got cleaned by the Order. He stayed in his mother's bedroom even when all the conversations he had with her portrait were in screams. I love his distrust in Dumbledore after everything he's been through and how he chooses to remain for Harry's sake — he's willing to do anything for Harry's sake.

I just truly love Sirius.

2. Severus Snape

He's the next on this list because I do like Snape, he's not a character I'm passionate about, but I like him. I think he shouldn't be a teacher (I think he hates being a teacher more than his students hate him teaching them) but he's a talented potion maker and wizard. And he is a very entertaining character, even without knowing everything about him.

But what really makes me like Snape is that I find him interesting. I think his psychology is interesting, as is his dynamic with Lily, Dumbledore, and Voldemort. Snape is a fascinating character to study from a lot of angles, and even as a reader, there is quite a bit that's up in the air about him because he's that good at being a spy and not giving us anything.

The other major thing I like about him is his competence as a spy and wizard. If there's one thing I love in my fictional characters — it's competence (and intelligence). I often joke with my irl friends that Snape is the only competent Death Eater and the only competent member of the Order of the Phoenix. We then joke that if we were in his shoes, surrounded by a lot of people who don't actually do anything and we're the only ones affecting this war from both sides, we'd probably be bitter too.

A little note that seems overlooked about Snape often in the fandom, in general, is how we think, "Oh, he's so great at Occlumancy and not being emotional" — that's not strictly true. When it comes to Lily or the Marauders all his well-crafted Occlumancy kinda goes out the window. In books 3 and 5 he throws actual temper tantrums about Sirius Black. Like, I feel Snape, deep down is actually super not well adjusted and is an emotionally unstable mess, but he learned to pretend otherwise. Basically, all the cold facade is just that — a facade. He isn't really that stoic.

3. James Potter

I'm weird about James. Like, he's almost a nonentity and what we do hear about him is either negative or comes from biased sources.

I do tend to give him more of the benefit of the doubt than a lot of other fans who prefer canon James do. He was awful when he was younger, he was a bully and he assaulted Snape and there is no excuse for his actions. That being said, I can believe he changed. War changes you and you'd be hard-pressed to find a 21-year-old who isn't ashamed of a lot of what they did or said when they were 15. And yes, some of what James did is definitely more extreme than that of the average person, but it isn't that extreme compared to the environment he grew up in. Remus tells Harry everyone was casting Levicorpous on each other in the halls. I'm not saying any of the bullying is okay, I'm just saying it probably seemed normal to him and this is important context. Same as I don't think Snape is abusive towards students when put in the context of their culture and environment where, until recently, they caned students (Snape actually seems very averse to corporeal punishment. He also likely treats Harry very different than he does literally any other student, but this is the James section).

I just, like the idea of James changing for the better. I'd like to think he did. That life and war and loss taught him something.

4. Peter Pettigrew

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I like Pettigrew more than Lupin. He's awful, he's pathetic, he's a cowardly rat man and I find his sniveling funny. Whenever I try to think of a what-if scenario in my head, Pettigrew is somehow the key to it. Because he's a character that affects so much of the plot in some incredibly crucial moments — he betrayed James and Lily, he resurrected the Dark Lord, and later, he allows Harry's survival. Idk, I just find his situation and just how pathetic he could get fascinating. It's, like, there is no rock bottom for this guy, he keeps digging. Like, you can't get more pathetic than living as a rat for 12 years when you could've moved to Argentina or something.

And at the same time, he clearly has some residual care for Harry for his father's friendship. He has so many opportunities to kill Harry or kidnap him when he runs away to join Voldemort — but he doesn't. Even after Sirius escapes and he knows his time is up, he still leaves Harry alive. When he is supposed to kill him in book 7, he doesn't, he again lets him go and pays with his own life for it. Like, again, idk, it's just how I feel.

5. Remus Lupin

I know I placed Lupin last, and it's because I don't personally like him that much. Pretty sure this is a little controversial, but I don't really like book Lupin, he does not vibe with me, at all. (Though I'd choose book Lupin over Marauders fandom Lupin every time)

Like, it bothers me that he doesn't actually care about Harry (the only one on the list who willingly physically harmed Harry, in a moment of anger, but still). It was Harry who asked to be taught the Patronus, if it was up to Remus, he wouldn't be involved in Harry's life at all. He tried to run on his wife when she got pregnant because he was scared. Like, Petttigrew is given shit for being a cowardly Gryffindor, but, look, you need some guts to betray your friends, so I'd argue Remus is the most cowardly Marauder (it's easy to be brave when you don't care for your own life).

But, all of this is part of his character and the story wouldn't be what it is if Remus bothered to get his head out of his own ass and check up on Harry. How he behaves makes him my personal least favorite Marauder, but I want Lupin to be a cowardly guy who runs away from attachment and responsibility because he doesn't trust himself with anything (especially not anything good). He's not cool, or suave, and he's desperate for people to like him but without actually knowing him because he thinks that if they do they'd run away screaming like he wants to run from himself. Honestly, I don't get why the Mauraders fandom made James the people-pleaser when Remus Lupin is right there always telling people what they want to hear so they'd like him.

Again, these are all my own personal subjective opinions, but yeah.

[yanderes-galore]

I'd like to request Leonardo TMNT 2012 yandere romantic alphabet

Of course! I'll do what I can :)

Original Yandere Leonardo Concept

Yandere Alphabet - 2012! Leonardo

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Kidnapping, Clingy behavior, Paranoia, Overprotective behavior, Slight delusional behavior, Stalking, Forced relationship, Starvation mention, Isolation, Mentioned/Implied murder.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Leonardo feels he should act like a hero towards his darling. Since he was young he's been inspired by the leaders in his TV shows. All noble heroes with their teams.

Leonardo would prioritize his darling's safety in his obsession, once that is secured, he wants his darling to know he loves them.

Leonardo is delusional and obsessive with making your "relationship" just like the stuff he's seen in his shows. He is very caring and often puts you first. He's physically and verbally affectionate, often sitting beside you to talk or watch something together.

Even though he most likely kidnapped you to "keep you safe" because he "loves you".

Leo is an intense yandere due to being delusional and overprotective.

He can sometimes be overbearing with affection but isn't intense in terms of violence.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He tries to keep the amount of blood he spills for you down.

Leonardo still wants to be a hero, he has a feeling of justice. This means he tries to keep lethal combat to a minimum. If it was life or death, he'll do what he must.

Even with jealousy he may lash out a bit but tries not to let his anger consume him.

Unlike a certain turtle we know.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He tries to treat you like you two are partners now if you weren't already. He keeps up this little role of playing your "boyfriend" regardless of how familiar you are with him.

Leonardo keeps you in a nice room underground, he gives you things he knows you'd like, he feeds you, he helps with hygiene, he even provides affection like a good partner should... right?

There's just one glaring error...

He's kidnapped you and forced you to be in a relationship.

He can treat you as humanely as he wants, you'll still be in an unwelcome situation.

Leo would never mock you.

He tries not to, he still respects you despite what he's done.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He's vulnerable around you I'd say. He likes to cuddle up to you and ramble about his interests. He genuinely loves you despite his... flaws that you can't ignore.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Upset and a bit betrayed. He finds it a bit frustrating and disappointing that you don't reciprocate. He thought you understood why he was doing all of this?

Guess not.

Looks like he'll have to isolate you again or lecture you....

No and he hates watching you escape.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Seeing him kill for you is what first comes to mind. He doesn't fatally wound someone often, much less enjoy it. Which is why it's unnerving to see.

His isolating punishments and unpleasant to endure...

But seeing the mutant covered in blood while standing over a body would engrave itself in your mind if you caught it.

His eyes look so empty. The blood drips down his skin like thick paint. The smell... is unbearable.

He doesn't look like himself. When he looks back at you? His gaze is filled with obsession and a smile graces his lips. He's done this for you.

He acts like nothing is wrong!

It's horrifying.

He wants to protect you and maybe even consider marriage. If that's possible between you two, that is.... He's a bit of a romantic at times.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Yes he gets jealous. Sometimes he gets snappy but isn't usually violent. Leo tries to use meditation to calm his jealousy instead of violence.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He's very caring and tries to be respectful. He loves to hug you and ask you how you're doing. If you allow him, he'd kiss you all over to show you he loves you.

He's overprotective and often prioritizes your safety over your happiness. Other than that he really does try to be a good boyfriend for you. Despite the whole... yandere situation.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

He'd stalk you after meeting you through April or someone. Even after you become friends he'd probably continue to watch you because he feels it's his heroic duty.

Leonardo wants to try and take it slow for the most part. He prefers it if you love him naturally and drops subtle little hints to show his feelings.

Things like compliments or suggestions, maybe even a few gifts. He tends to be physically affectionate yet also uses words to convey how he feels.

He tries to keep things tame... until something sparks his yandere behavior and he goes off the deep end.

He isn't really putting up much of a facade so I want to say not really?

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Isolation and starvation seem like his style. He doesn't want to hurt you physically and wants you to rely on him. This form of punishment fulfills what he wants.

When you learn your "lesson" he apologizes to you. He feels horrible but you made him so upset.

He tries not to take many.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He's very patient.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

I don't think he could in either scenario. He cares for you and loves you a lot. If he lost you somehow he may have a mental breakdown.

He may recover... with lots and lots of time... but that's hard to say.

Yes and possibly.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Not sure, I'd say trauma since he and his brothers have been through a lot.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

He immediately tries to help even if he's the problem. He hates seeing you cry or uncomfortable. He holds you close and whispers comforting words in your ears while rocking back and forth.

He just wants you both happy.

He's a bit lucid but not fully.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

This is a common weakness but giving into his delusions. If you show him that you understand where he's coming from and reassure him things will be okay somehow... you may see freedom again.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Never intentionally.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

A lot. He isn't full worship yandere but he cares for you close to that amount. Donnie may be more of a worship yandere than Leo but he has a little of the trait.

Leo would go to great lengths to have you to himself and would go to great lengths to show you how much he loves you.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Hm... Leo may snap and kidnap you due to a traumatic event. So he'll act normal if not overly affectionate with you until such an event happens. Which is usually anything that threatens the life of you and him.

Then he snaps.

Not intentionally.

[a-little-ray-of-fantasy]

Same anon! I don't blame you for skipping this video, I only got through half of it. The SC video has a bit of nuance since SC goes over some points people bring up with the defense of Stolas, but he is putting a lot of blame on him amongst all of that. I can see some of his points but I heavily disagree on pushing blame on one side when this is all presenting these two with no bias. That these two both have problems. The comment section also isn't that great & some act like the writers are babying Stolas.

Yeah: the "babying Stolas" part, that's what I was afraid of. Antis love using that as a fault of the writing, and I'm sure SC's video will only fuel that fire.

I think what I'm saying here is biased, coming from a Stolas fan, but I'm not so blind to this owl's faults: he's privileged, doesn't treat most imps with the respect they fully deserve, never stops to think about how he acts can come across as condescending, he can be too emotional for his own good and his tunnel vision is so narrow he can tune out everything else and blind him to how his actions affect others.

But when we Stolas fans bring up his upringing, it's not to excuse him, but to explain WHY he acts like this: growing up sheltered, traumatized, unloved, abused and depressed doesn't leave you with a healthy way to deal with more complex emotions. ESPECIALLY when you fall in love, but never had a frame of reference to act upon it.

Many Stolas fans are AWARE of his faults, but love him regardless because we see how kind, loving and compassionate he grew up to be despite everything: he recognizes his mistakes and works to fix them. It's going to be messy, but he's going against everything to break through his life to be happy with those he loves.

And, can we REALLY talk about "babying Stolas" when the reason he's suffering is because of his own actions? That he didn't know how to handle because he got too impulsive and was too happy to finally experience love that he jumped right in without thinking of the consequences?

Is it "babying" when the show went against the initial idea that Stolas seemed like a snooty, heartless snob and actually revealed that he's much complex than that?

Is it because you thought he shouldn't have cheated with Stella, that she didn't deserve it, that they were happy before, that she never abused him nor showed any cruelty towards him, so she's in the right to want him dead?

Stella has always been awful to begin with, both with Stolas and as a bird/person: his cheating only acerbated that, he did it to finally be free. If you REALLY want to put the blame on him for something, don't do it for Stella, but for Via: him cheating put her in a bad position, and I fear his love for her alone won't be enough. She deserves the truth.

Honestly, I think Stolas antis don't really care about the writing, and will twist the narrative to make sure that it "proves" that their hatred for Stolas is justified.

I'm not angry at SC for the video: I'm angry at bad faith criticism from antis who are flocking to have their "points" validated; it's not about critiquing, with this trend, it's about getting angry and hate a narrative for daring to go against what you wanted. And therefore it's flawed and has to be attacked.

This is what annoys me.

[takemebacktowheniwassane]

I would kill to have you overanalyze everything about Falsettos. Hope that didn't sound too threatening, I was joking, I'm just really into your analysis of the chess game :3

omg! I would love to analyze anything for you, man! 💗 I've pretty much picked everything out of a lot of the songs─ lil surprised I don't have my own corkboard with red twine commemorating my insanity on this musical lol

Looking through the album, the first option that came to mind might've been The Thrill of First Love but I think I'll take a break from toxic gays for just one moment and give you a strangely written analysis on Marvin at the Psychiatrist: A Three-Part Mini Opera, because of the different character pov's (i.e., Mendel, Jason, somewhat Whizzer, and of course, Marvin─ and I know Whizzer only announces each section of the song but hear me out, the theories are crazy and I'm obsessed with them and this song definitely factors into them aswell).

Basically, we'll start off with a quick look over Jason's lines, as he is the first character to speak/sing in the song. Right off the bat, we have him showing a HUGE disdain for love because of his father pretty much ruining his home life with the illusion of it. Well, maybe disdain is strong, but you get what I mean─ he's very reluctant to accept romance as an option for himself at all at this point because the wound is still very fresh from Marvin blowing up their family life, but yeah, also, he's a little preteen boy so it also makes sense for him to object to liking anyone just because of immaturity.

As we progress, Jason does a joint-therapy session with Marvin and they talk about outings and father/son bonding time gone badly wrong. He lets us in on his hyper-observance with his reaction to Marvin saying the pitcher they saw at a baseball game was handsome, and makes sure the audience is well aware he has some pretty conflicting emotions about his dad and his dad's sexuality. Especially given My Father's a Homo comes directly after this song, and in turn, also directly after this moment, so we know his feelings over Marvin and Whizzer (being that he enjoys Whizzer's company, seeing as Whizzer is the only adult who actually treats him like a kid and not like a victim or a baby or an average adult, like- but still) and their messy relationship.

It really makes me wonder on how it is when he's meant to go over to their apartment, since it's canonical that they live together and that Jason sees him regularly. And if they act terribly in front of him still. I assume Whizzer wouldn't allow that, another trait that gives Jason reason to side with him, because he seems like he really just doesn't want to completely, for lack of better words, fuck up Jason's whole childhood experience by being a part of it.

Now! Mendel isn't a complicated perspective, per say, just very eccentric. Especially assuming he asks MANY intrusive questions to a man who just openly came out as gay about his ex-wife and her sexual habits and such. This is where we tell him to go to horny jail.

(That's not the whole analysation, I swear─)

Mendel to me seems like he probably takes the initiative to not relay any of his clients actual info to other family members, but this song pretty much just proves he's incapable of brain-thought when he's horny. Which, yeah, that's hilarious that the only straight man is just thirsting over a woman to this gay guy. William Finn, you've done it again.

Anyhow, Mendel is pretty vital in this song. We get to see his psychiatry techniques, and with that, understand exactly what kind of situation Marvin's been, in taking therapy from him this whole time. The first part of the song is probably the best way of analyzing, since he's actually intelligible and giving Marvin advice. Well, that advice consists of telling him to ignore Whizzer's flaws and love him regardless, you can actually sorta see that at work in some aspects of the musical, even if he's constantly condescending to Whizzer throughout act one.

But generally, Marvin tends to take the exact opposite path that Mendel gives him, and basically just uses him as a venting device. Then again, Mendel is not to great at giving advice, as a neurotic little man who has like four mental breakdowns in the course of act one and two.

Next, Whizzer, of course. Short but sweet, or.. angsty? I've heard a few people theorize that Whizzer narrates the story ("Marvin at the psychiatrist, a three part mini opera, part one." "Part two." "Part three." "Psychiatrist, returning, returning! Five sessions later..." "A day in Falsettoland─ Doctor Mendel at work.") because after he dies, it sort of becomes his story of finding a true family and lover and son and being actually happy and knowing he lived well before he died really, tragically young, at least.

I'd like to take it a different direction, because I hate angst, and only sometimes tolerate it.

I've realized that Whizzer only actually narrates Mendel's shenanigans, which makes me think, especially with how he still does in act two, he gets to HEAR about the sessions. Whether it be from Marvin, or Jason, or Trina. Or even Mendel himself (this one's more act two based). It may introduce a new side because Whizzer doesn't go to therapy (shocker), but the people he's around all see this one guy so maybe he hears about the sessions and can relay them because he knows this one person's aspect of the story each time.

It wouldn't make a lot of sense for him to hear anything from Mendel in act one assuming they weren't close (at least not in the revival), and he doesn't marry Trina until Marvin and Whizzer are broken up, basically. But it would make more sense for him to get it from his boyfriend who absolutely loves to complain about any minor inconvenience in his life. I just think this could be an interesting perspective, because I've only ever seen that first theory and although somewhat fitting, I need less angst and more cool little headcanons in this fanbase please and thank you.

Finally, we go to Marvin. The star of the show, our princess with several disorders (we all know who our real queens are *stares directly at Trina and Whizzer*).

Throughout the entirety of this song, we see him barely entertaining Mendel with information. He's very vague, which probably stems from a life of secrecy and sneaking around. Although I presume he told Mendel about the affair while it was happening, or a few months in? Or Mendel just knew? Just by the general air of it, and how it seemed well-known by that point even though him and Trina only just divorced.

Marvin definitely keeps to himself, and waits for Mendel to butt in with something. Not so he can take his advice, but moreso so that he can kinda just. Have it, on hand? Or maybe so he can prove to himself that therapy is a hoax, because that certainly sounds like a Marvin thing to do.

Even while going through events with his son, he only states that eventually their interactions just go back to being stale and that they SHOULD be closer, without ever trying to actually make an effort (he assumes making an effort is taking Jason on outings even though they both prefer to stay inside, on their own. This definitely comes from his parents not doing anything with him as a kid, it's internalized so he pushes going out in public and doing what would be father/son outings onto Jason. It's something he never got to have, so he thinks that means he's fathering Jason better than average).

Not much to be said about that middle factor, besides the point of Marvin not knowing Trina was withholding love from him, which is interesting. Her character and lines definitely prevail that she was fed up with Marvin, but it could have just come out as indifference during their marriage. In I'm Breaking Down, she does make a point to state that she only wants a man to love her, so that could've been an overwhelming point in their marriage that Marvin remembers more vividly then her drifting away.

He did seem genuinely surprised when Mendel brought it up, so there is something there for sure.

But now, my dear silly, it's time for me to say adieu, because it's semi-late and I gotta update a fic draft :) but thank you sm for asking! made my day, it was so sweet. my inbox is always open for any suggestions, I'm really glad you like these little rants lol.

I'll try to post more soon 🫶

Goodnight!

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Christmas surprise (Christen Press x Reader)

Merry Christmas! I've been really tired recently so I'm a little behind on requests, I hope to get some more finished in the next couple of days. Christmas is tomorrow and I'm working so I wrote this really quickly. Hope you enjoy.

Words: 2.3K

Y/m/n- Your mums name, Y/d/n- Your dads name. 

"Please just stay with me tonight, I promise I'll tell everyone after Christmas."

Christen sighed, taking a step back, "You don't have to tell everyone Y/n, I just want our families to know."

"We can tell them after tomorrow okay? I promise. All I want is to wake up next to you tomorrow."

"Can you at least tell me why you want to wait until after Christmas?"

We had been keeping our relationship a secret for the past 2 years, there were only a select few people that knew. It started out with wanting to establish our relationship in private then moved to liking the privateness of it. Christen had been wanting to tell people for a while now, but I had been putting it off. It wasn't that I necessarily wanted to keep it a secret or wasn't ready for people to know, I was just a very private person and struggled with people knowing my business. Christen had been understanding up until recently, she was at the point where she didn't want to hide it anymore. We had been together for 2 years, it was my turn to be understanding now. 

The truth was that our families already knew about us, but Christen didn't know that. In the past she had talked about having a joined family Christmas so this year I had decided to surprise her. That meant telling both our families to get them to agree. 

I had told Christen that my family was coming over tomorrow afternoon so she wouldn't get suspicious when I started preparing lunch. The only issue so far was trying to convince her to stay. She was a bit upset that my family was coming, but she wasn't going to be able to meet them. 

"It's just, my parents don't know I'm gay, I'm sure they'll be okay with it, but just incase they're not, I want one last Christmas where things are normal." It was partly true, I had never explicitly told my parents I was gay or introduced them to any of my past partners, but it was obvious they always had a feeling. My family had barely reacted when I told them about Christen. They were just happy that I was happy. 

Christen smiled softly before kissing me, "Okay, we can wait until after Christmas. From what you've told me, your parents will be okay with it."

It wasn't a complete lie, while my reluctance was mostly my privateness. I had been slightly scared to tell them. Either way, I hated lying to her and it wasn't easy. Christen and I were always honest with each other no matter what, "They probably will, but it scares me anyway. Will you stay?"

"Of course I will. Can we watch Christmas movies?"

We spent the night watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate. I loved nights like this. Nights where it was just us, in sweatpants and cuddled up on the couch. Or nights where we would cook dinner and just talk about anything and everything. With her I was relaxed, I was able to be completely myself without fear of judgment. I had flaws, I was stubborn, had a hard time opening up, but Christen loved me regardless. I couldn't wait to come home to her everyday, cook dinner, to fall asleep and wake up next to her. Hopefully that would become a reality after tomorrow. 

---

Normally, Christen always woke up before me, but I was excited which meant sleep didn't come easy. I killed time by watching her sleep, she looked so peaceful and incredibly beautiful even with messy hair and no make up on. I think it was one of my favourite versions of her. Christen stirred slightly before burying her face further into the crook of my neck. It was the sign that she was waking up. I traced patterns on her bare back, placing a kiss on her temple. 

"Merry Christmas my love."

Christen shifted to leave a lingering kiss on my lips, "Merry Christmas baby. I could get used to this."

"You wake up next to me all the time."

"Not nearly enough. You're awake early today, is everything okay?"

I kissed her again quickly, "I'm excited, it's Christmas."

Christen rolled on top of me, smile stretched across her face, "You're cute, I can't wait to spend Christmas with you next year."

"Neither can I Chris. I'm sorry it can't happen this year."

We were cuddled on the couch, coffee in hand as we just enjoyed the peacefulness. I reached down feeling for the little box that I had hidden next to the couch, "I have something for you."

"Don't be, it sucks, but I understand it." Instead of saying anything, I connected our lips, enjoying the way our lips felt together. Shivering slightly when her tongue ran across my bottom lip then connected with mine. Quiet moans slipped from us both, tangling together as our bodies followed suit. It was soft and slow. There was no rush, just the two of us, showing the love we held for each other. 

Christen slowly opened the box to reveal a key. She looked at me confused, taking out the key to look at it, "I already have a key to your apartment."

"It's the key to my heart," I replied as seriously as possible, but the little giggle Christen let out made me burst out laughing. "You had that a long time ago. This is the new key, remember I had to get my locks changed? This one comes with a question though."

"I'm still not sure I understand."

I rolled my eyes playfully, "Look in the box again."

Christen pulled out the piece of paper, reading it quickly.

Christen,

You know how they say home isn't a place it's a person? Well, it's true. You feel like home, with you is the place that I feel the safest and warmest. My apartment feels empty when you're not here, I find myself counting down the minutes until you are back here with me. I want to fall asleep and wake up with you next to me every day. I want to do mundane tasks with you like grocery shopping, chores, cooking or lazy days pottering around the house. These things can be done anywhere, I don't care where we live because no matter where it is, it will be home as long as you're with me. Will you move in with me?

 Arms wrapped around me tightly, "Yes, of course I will."

"I need to start the rest of the food." The turkey was already in the oven, but there was still a lot to do. 

---

"I should probably head off, go help my dad set up."

"You don't have to leave yet, your family is doing dinner and my parents aren't coming for another couple of hours."

"Is this your way of asking for my help?"

"Maybe."

Christen rolled her eyes playfully, but started helping me sort out the vegetables. Quiet Christmas music played in the background as we laughed and joked around while we prepared. I could get used to this. I was starting on dessert when flour hit the side of my head. I turned slowly to find Christen standing next to me, an innocent smile present, "You're going to pay for that."

I scooped up some flour of my own, tossing it at her. It went back and forth for a little while until I wrapped my arms around her, making her squeal as I trapped her against the counter. Finger dipping into the batter and smearing it over her face and mouth before connecting our lips, "Delicious."

There was a knock on the door and Christen looked at me panicked, flour sticking to her hair and face. I kissed her forehead, wiping some of the flour off both of us. She went to say something, but I quickly jumped in, "Don't worry, come on."

"Bu-"

"Merry Christmas Chris," I said as I opened the door to reveal my parents and Christens dad standing there. The siblings were coming later. Christen looked shocked, looking between us.

"W-what?"

"Surprise."

"They know?"

"They've known for a little while."

"What?"

"I wanted to surprise you, that meant I had to tell them."

Christen hugged me, kissing my cheek, "God I love you. Thank you Y/n"

Christens dad, Cody motioned to us, "What happened here?"

Arms wrapped around my waist as I was finishing off the last dish. Soft lips pressed against the exposed skin on my shoulder. I let out a sigh, relaxing back into her, "Do you need any help?"

"Chris decided to throw flour at me so of course I retaliated. Cody, these are my parents, Y/m/n and Y/d/n. This is Cody, Christens dad and of course this is my girlfriend Christen."

They fell into easy conversation as I went back into the kitchen to clean up the flour and finish the food. My parents were talking to Christen and Cody as if they had known each other for years. It made my heart flutter to see them all getting along. I knew Christen was it for me, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her so having them get along with the other most important people in my life was like a weight off my shoulders. Another hour went by, my brother, and Christens sisters had arrived. The house was full of laughter and conversation. Everything Christmas should be. 

"I'm okay love, this is the last thing to do. You could set the table?"

Christen kissed my shoulder, then neck, cheek and lastly my lips before pulling away to set the table. Channing and Tyler stood on either side of me as I watched Christen. It took me a second to register they were there, too preoccupied with watching the small smile on Christens face or the way she couldn't go more then 5 seconds without looking up at me, her face filling with concern when she saw me with her sisters, but quickly changed back when I sent her a small smile. Even after 2 years together, she still made butterflies erupt in my stomach with a single look, I felt giddy and like a teenager again when I was around her. 

"I don't think I've ever seen her this happy," Tyler stated quietly, Channing nodded in agreement, "Keep her that way and we won't have a problem."

"Trust me, I have every intention of it. There's nothing more important to me then her happiness."

"Good, can we help you take these to the table?"

Once everything was set up, we all sat around the table, conversation still flowing. I squeezed Christens hand under the table. She looked at me with a small smile before turning back to my mum who had started asking her a question. 

"So Christen, how did you meet my daughter?"

"Um we play for the same team."

My brother snorted, making me glare at him, something stupid was about to come out of his mouth, "I'd hope so since you're dating."

I reached across to whack the side of his head, almost instantly being scolded by my mum, "You are so annoying."

"Anyway, I hear Y/n managed to convince you to move in with her. Are you guys going to be staying here?"

I shrugged, glancing at Christen before responding, "Um, I'm not sure. We haven't really talked about it yet."

"I think we will, I spend most of my time here already, at least half of my clothes are here so it's easiest."

We stared at each other until the clearing of a throat made us snap out of it. She said it so easily, like it wasn't a big decision, like it was the easiest thing in the world. To me it was, I didn't care where we lived as long as I was with her. I loved her more then I ever thought possible. My brother joked some more about how gross we were, of course being scolded by my mum. It was one of the best Christmases I've had in a long time.

---

Everyone had left a little while ago, we had done a quick tidy up, but decided to just leave the rest and go to bed. I was already in bed, while Christen sat on the edge, removing her rings and earrings.  

"Thank you for today Y/n, it was amazing. I can't believe you did that for me."

"I would do anything for you Chris. I'm sorry I had to lie to you though."

Christen kissed me, a small smile present. Anyone would think the smile was genuine, but I knew Christen like the back of my hand. It was obviously fake, "Normally, I would be upset about it, but this time I'll give you a pass."

She looked down, playing with my fingers as a quiet sigh left her lips. That's when I knew for sure that something was wrong, "Are you okay love?"

"It's nothing, I'm just tired."

My hand squeezed hers, pulling her into my side, lips landing on her temple, "Don't do that, you don't have to pretend to be okay with me Chris."

"It's days like this where I really miss my mum. I just wish she was here, I wish she could have met you, I think she would have loved you."

"I'm sorry Chris. I know you miss her, but she's always with you in everything you do, well most things anyway," I winked, causing a small, but genuine laugh from her, "Seriously though, I would have loved to meet your mum, from what you've told me she was amazing and if you're anything to go by then I believe it."

"You don't need to flatter me Y/n, I've already agreed to move in with your messy ass."

"Just because we're together doesn't mean I'll ever stop making you feel special, because you are Chris. You are the most amazing person in my life, you light up my life in a way no one ever has, in a way no one else ever will."

"I love you Y/n, today meant a lot."

My hand slipped under her shirt as I pulled her further on top of me. Our lips connected in one of many soft yet oh so sweet kisses we had shared today. If there was only one thing I could do for the rest of my life and never get tired of, it would be kissing Christen. 

"I love you more."

[maya-matlin]

since we're apparently among the only three people here who don't dislike Zaya...1. why do you think people have more trouble forgiving Zaya for their flaws when basically EVERY Degrassi ship is messy, flawed and complicated?! (Not judging anyone - we all like what we like, and things resonate with us for different reasons, I just find it interesting that people think Zaya is too toxic to forgive while some other Degrassi couples are objective just as messy and even more so) 2. Three Zaya scenes you love that show you they're meant to be? 3. Any songs you associate with Zaya? 4. Name three things Maya and Zig have in common and three differences they have that balance each other out! 5. Want to start a Zaya Appreciation Society with me? We can all share ice cream ;)

There are actually a solid amount of devoted Zaya fans. They're just harder to find. There's a reason I stick with Tumblr. Other places intimidate me and aren't worth the drama.

1.) Personal preference? Other than that, the existence of Campbell Saunders. Just as Zaya's potential romance was picking up steam and forming the foundation for their eventual relationship, Cam killed himself. Zig was the last person to speak to Cam. Regardless of Zig's intent or that during all of their interactions, Cam was the aggressor and the one who initiated all of their conflicts, the only thing the majority of Degrassi fans remember is that Zig pushed Cam over the edge. It never sat right with many viewers that Zig wasn't held more accountable for Cam's death or that Maya was so blasé about Zig's "confession". The writers' intent was clearly to send the message that no one is responsible for a suicide or anyone else's actions. But at the same time, you should still be mindful of others because you never know what's going on in someone else's head. Plus, I don't think Zig's character took quite the trajectory that some fans were expecting. He was supposed to have "learned" from Cam's death, meaning there was an expectation that he'd come away from the experience wiser with an acute awareness of how to navigate situations like this. It turns out, that never really happened. Zig tried his best and meant well, but he continued to be careless with words and was often in over his head. Zig also went on to feud with Maya's next boyfriend, Miles, where he was much more combative and kind of a shit starter. Miles was written with more care than Zig and quickly became the preferred character out of the two starting with season 14 and Next Class. So retroactively, Zig = bad, Miles = good. And lastly, a lot of people can't overlook cheating, even in fiction. While I take the stance that while I hate it, fictional cheating happening in teen dramas is highly likely, others felt too betrayed to continue supporting their relationship. Just overall, different people come away with different interpretations of characters and couples. In my opinion, Miles was far and away Maya's worst love interest and could have never made her happy in the long run even if they were both in heathier mindsets. Comparatively, I think Zig complemented Maya very well, offered constant emotional support and more often than not communicated well with her. Maya never seemed to be as happy with any guy as she was him once they were finally together. Others will tell you Miles was a great boyfriend, most of the things I just listed, and that Zig was a mediocre love interest.

2.) That's super tough to narrow down. I feel like I'm doing this wrong, but..

(1) Zig comforting Maya after Miles screams at her, reassuring her that he knows that she means well

It's the softness for me. It's how after the confusion with the season 13 love triangle and Zig being resistant to Maya's help, he gets it. He's here when she needs him the most. It's funny how for some, Maya and Zig getting together in the second half of season 14 came totally out of nowhere. But even though I didn't expect it when the season was airing, looking back it's very easy to see what was developing and how they were getting closer and closer each episode. Even though the Maya/Miles relationship lingered and Zig could have potentially gotten together with Zoe, those romances didn't pan out. To me, this is when their season 14 arc officially begins.

(2) Zig and Maya making up backstage

Yes, they were fighting and Maya was frustrated with Zig for trying to handle the gang on his own rather than turning Vince in, but he realized on his own (with the help of Damon) what needed to happen. We didn't see the full scene, but Zig clearly apologizes for their earlier conflict and for not initially going to the police. Maya is so forgiving and so prepared to forget the whole thing happened. Like she said. "You're here. We're together." That's literally all that mattered to her. No matter what happened, she was going to stick with Zig. No one can convince me that Maya Matlin wasn't equally and 100% as in love with Zig as he was her.

(3) Zig trying to cheer Maya up

Post bus crash, Maya was in the darkest place she'd ever been in. She was slowly losing all of her personal connections. At this point, it would be difficult to say Zig and Maya were even friends anymore. Their relationship ended in a very painful way with Maya still angry with Zig even months later. They both almost died. Zig entered a very public relationship with Esme. While they had occasional moments where they interacted that reinforced their connection, (in 302 when Zig asked Maya for advice about Esme), overall Zig wasn't part of Maya's life and therefore missed a lot of her warning signs. But, he did notice her on the verge of breaking down in the hallway and instantly knew something was wrong even if he couldn't have imagined the extent of it. So, Zig basically gently forces Maya to open up to him about what's going on. He knows she's struggling with something and isn't happy anymore, so he decides to cheer her up. This is Maya's first genuine smile the entire season. Every other time, she's either faking it or indulging in darker interests that only serve to trigger her more. And Maya clearly feels all the feelings in that moment. Yes, it's easier with Zig and he reminds her of happier times, but it's also very obvious how much she's still in love with him. This isn't technically part of the scene, but in the next episode Maya makes it a point to ask Esme to take care of Zig for her. The only other person we see Maya explicitly request be taken care of after she's gone is her mother. So, it says a lot about the depth of Maya's love for Zig and how much it would mean to her for him to be taken care of after she's gone. Anyways. Zig makes Maya happy and instinctively understands her.

4.) Ugh, I'm the worst at song questions.

It Might Be Love - Latch Key Kid (played during the first time they went to The Dot)

Oh My Love - Layla (played when Maya kisses Zig in season 14, kickstarting their relationship)

The Words You Say - Harrison Storm (played at the end of #YesMeansYes)

Lover - Taylor Swift (I know I'm basic, but it's their song)

5.) Three things Zig and Maya have in common.. they're both loyal, protective people and never afraid to fight for what's right, particularly when it affects someone they care about. I'll count that as two. It's honestly tough to find similarities, as weird as that sounds. They just match each other's energy and tend to be on the same wavelength. I'll say they're both pretty laidback. In spite of the fact they find themselves pulled into drama (especially poor Maya), they typically don't go out of their way to create it. Sometimes certain rivals will bring out that side of them, but overall they're chill people.

As for the differences that balance each other out.. Zig is the more sensitive one. He has a way of being quietly supportive and intuiting things while Maya internalizes a lot of her emotions. She's so desperate for nothing to go wrong that she almost avoids reality. I honestly think Zig grounds her a bit and forces her to be honest with herself. While both have good hearts, Maya is more compassionate and quicker to forgive. Even though it would sometimes be easier to lash out and the people wronging her would 1000% deserve it, Maya avoids conflict for the most part. Zig has never met a physical conflict he didn't want to throw against his locker. He means well, but he struggles with his anger from time to time and can't help but want to defend. Sometimes he's defending himself, other times he's defending the people he cares about. Maya provides a calming influence and encourages Zig to find better, healthier ways to handle his problems. This is so hard LOL. I feel like that's it? Who Maya is and who Zig is and how they interact with each other makes them an unusually good match. This is awful. I apologize.

5.) Absolutely!

[thestrangestthlng]

the 911 fandom has a habit of taking things both at face value and making them completely black and white (Eddie joining the army is abandoning his family, bobby accidentally causing a fire = murdering over 140 people, etc etc). those stories are 10x more interesting when you look at why they happened and what the intent was. imo one thing 911 has always been good at is showing that everyone is capable of causing harm regardless of intent and that you can become a better person even though you've made mistakes (the people you've hurt don't have to forgive you for it but the only thing you can do is remember them and do better)

I completely agree with you. One of the underlying themes of the show is redemption.

Humans are messy, flawed creatures that make mistakes and bad decisions. And sometimes, like we see in the show, those decisions have disastrous consequences.

They don’t sweep it under the rug, but rather grow and learn from them, which is one of the reasons I love the show. They are such developed, well-rounded characters that have flaws that make them relatable.

And there’s also stories that the writers, producers, and showrunners and telling us and teaching us.

Bobby is a better person because of the lessons he’s learned over the years. He still struggles with the reality of it, but because he still gets up every single day he touches countless lives.

You see it in the episode where the surgeon was the woman that Lucy saved with the catch. How many people are alive because of the ones they saved…

Don’t even get me started on Eddie’s situation. I can write a whole thesis on the fact that they were pretty much children themselves. No nineteen year old is a perfect parent (I say from experience). I’d argue there’s no such thing. But he was a 19 year old having a baby with another 19 year old. Things aren’t going to be handled the best.

All of these things are why I like this show so much. They have these layers of humanity that sucked you in from day one (I’ve watched this show since the pilot aired).

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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188. Evil Eye by Etaf Rum--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I have a very short list of literary authors that I know are auto-reads for me--Etaf Rum is one of them. I don't know what sorcery Rum has over words, but her stories always seem to pull me in so completely. I feel so many emotions whenever I read one of her books and my only wish is that more people I know would read her books so I can discuss these books with them.

EVIL EYE begins with a mother who is starting to feel the weight of her married life and motherhood. While she definitely doesn't regret her daughters, she is starting to feel incredibly unsettled in the life fate has carved out for her. She vowed to never follow in her mother's footsteps and even though, on the surface, her husband presented himself as wholly different from her father, she is starting to realize that maybe, just maybe she hasn't made such different choices in her life than her mother.

First off, I want to comment the irony that we, as women, are sometimes truly cursed to find men who resemble our fathers. Some are lucky and others tend to find men who personify the lesser qualities in the fathers some women are trying to escape in the first place. But going off that, Rum also explores the complexities of family and how much we yearn for their approval and love even when THEY are the ones causing us harm.

Secondly, there is such a hopeful friendship in this book that I wasn't expecting at all. Whereas there was so much loneliness in Rum's previous novel, there is the hope of companionship in this one. I expected it to go one way, but I was so happy that she didn't go that route. It made the story feel wholesome in a way that the MC didn't get to experience during her home life.

I am not a part of this culture, so I honestly can't comment on the customs and the expectations. If I were to comment on that, it would be commentary on cliches and I'm not here for that. The way the MC reacted to everyone else making assumptions about her life based on her culture's cliches is enough of a warning that it is so easy to make uneducated assumptions. Sometimes all we have to do is read the story and hope that the MC finds what is best for her, regardless of her culture and its expectations.

Finally, though I do not have the same life the MC has, I found myself empathizing so much for her. There were times where I wanted to throw the book in anger on her behalf, and other times where I audibly gasped with the audacity of the caucasity of people, or the audacity of her asshole husband. The MC, despite the gaslighting and the condescension, navigated herself and her situation to the best of her abilities. She was such a strong character and I loved her not in spite of the flaws everyone else (including herself) saw in her, but because of them. She was imperfectly perfect and so relatable. She fought to understand herself and what she wanted.

I loved this book. I got angry, I wanted to cry, I laughed, and I was rooting for the MC all the way through. Another amazing read from Rum. I absolutely can't wait for her next book!

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189. My Fault by Mercedes Ron--⭐️⭐️

I won't lie, MY FAULT had me at the beginning. I love stories that have an MC move into a rich household because their parent remarried. I love stories with dual perspectives because it gives me a more rounded storyline. The beginning of this book felt very much like PAPER PRINCESS, minus the strip club and multiple brothers to be hellions towards the impoverished MC.

PAPER PRINCESS was messy, but it was a good and addicting mess. This was just...a mess.

MY FAULT was so insta-love that I got whiplash. It was the kind of over-the-top romance I would have read in my early twenties. It was toxic, a little too quick, and a little too easy when the relationship was discovered? It also reminded me of this KDrama I watched once where you never knew what ridiculous thing would happen next because they just felt so out of place.

Halfway through this book, we go from reading a bully stepbro romance to a suspense, potential stalker thriller novel. I get the infatuation with this, I do. But I do think that a resurgence of these books is a little worrying. At least it wasn't as bad as the kissing booth. LOL.

Will not be reading the sequel.

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190. Field of Screams by Wendy Parris--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

FIELD OF SCREAMS was another satisfying middle grade horror novel that featured a lot of the things I love in horror: The jump scares, the spooky moments, the new friends that help you solve the horror mystery, and the depth of emotion and exploration of character that well-written horror features. Parris' novel introduces a main character who is not only experiencing a sense of loss because she doesn't get to spend her summer with her best friend, but she's also still processing her grief over the loss of her father. We see this in her hesitancy in letting her mother potentially date a new man and start a new life. As the MC grows around this topic, we also see her exploring a ghostly mystery that appeared to have also consumed her father when he was a child. I thought this was such a sweet and haunting way of dealing with one's grief. I really enjoyed that aspect of how even though the MC feels alone, she has the memory of her father and this mystery to help overcome her anger and disappointment. I normally dislike how parents condescend to their kids in books like this because it feels like the adult author is inserting themselves into the story as a parent themself. It frustrates me because its an insertion of logic and meanness that so many older parents seem to hold against their children's experiences and imaginations. I think that Parris did a good job with this topic because it all leads up to an explanation as to why the parent was so dismissive and even angry with her child, the MC. Overall, I thought this was one and nicely spooky. The setting was really well done and the characters added life to the story. This felt very much like a great summer read for the young reader who wants a spooky summer story with heart. There's the pivotal middle grade crush, the mean girl who is experiencing her own form of grief, and parents who seem to just not get it. I recommend this for readers who love horror--but especially for any young reader who is also experiencing a harder emotional time in their life.

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191. Top Story by Kelly Yang--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I think this is my favourite FRONT DESK novel yet! I loved the setting and the exploration of the different topics that are always so impactful in Yang's stories.

We get to see various events happening and a surprising arc for our young MC, which just shows us how much she's grown, not just as a character but also as a person. We also see her continuous spirit that makes her such a memorable and important character for young readers to get to know. She fights against the injustices in her world and the racism she faces.

One of the main things I always love about these books is how Yang doesn't shy away from the bigotry and the racism that even children face, no matter whether this is a historical novel, or in her more contemporary novels.

I love this series and I think the books are incredibly inspiring. This is a must-read for fans of Yang and immigration stories from a kid's perspective as they navigate their ever-changing and expanding world. Also, LOVED the exploration of family and culture in this one because it was very eye-opening to learn about the customs and love found in a China Town!

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192. The Revenge of Seven by Pittacus Lore--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was a great and emotional follow up to the last book, which had a heartbreaking ending. I really appreciated the exploration of grief and how it can look so different from person to person. And even as this topic is explored, we still see the same kickass moments and the connections between all of these characters. We also get another piece to the puzzle of what is coming next.

I'm super excited to pick up the next book in this series!

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193. Video Night by Adam Cesare--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed this one by Cesare! It wasn't a perfect read, but it's honestly such a perfect Halloween season book. It was a lot darker than CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD and had a lot more Scary movie tropes, which is also incredibly fitting because it's set in the 80s, some of the best years of spooky films.

Keeping the fact that this is set in the 80s in mind also helps combat the misogynistic ideas that the characters had in this book. It all felt like it was genuinely taking place in that decade and it felt like I was watching a movie with all of these creepy moments. There were some serious jump scares and I remember questioning my life choices when I was reading this in the middle of the night.

If you enjoyed INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, I think you'd like this. It's bloody, creepy, full of funny moments, and teenage hormones. Highly recommend!

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194. I Survived Hurricane Katrina by Lauren Tarshis--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed this one!

Getting to know the family and the friends of the MC helped give this addition to the series a more rounded feel. Especially when we hear about the hope and belief people had regarding the magnitude of Hurricane Katrina. Overall, this was an enjoyable and truly terrifying read in the sense that it actually happened to people and so many lives were lost.

I did mention in one of my last reviews of one of these books how unrealistic some conclusions were. Trust me, I want happy endings for all of these kids, but I think this sometimes does these stories a disservice. Kids can handle the realities better than adults give them credit for.

Anyway, another fun book read in this series. I don't know if it will be my last since I'm starting to grow a little jaded with this series.

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195. Look Both Ways by Linwood Barclay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Although this was a very different Barclay story than his past works, I really enjoyed it. I liked the suspense of seeing what the cars would do next, and who the real villains in this story were--especially because with Barclay there are always a million layers and players leading up to surprise twists and reveals that we never anticipated.

I immediately thought that this book reminded me of that John Marrs book that featured rogue self-driving cars, but that's where the similarities end. These cars seemingly had their own personalities and I had to suspend my disbelief a bit. Despite all of that, I found the survival moments fun and not knowing what would happen next enough of a push to keep me reading.

I wouldn't recommend you start your Barclay adventures with this one, but it was a fun and quick read that will definitely keep a reader entertained.

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Have you read any of these books? Let me know your thoughts!

___

Happy reading!

[apparitional-lesbian]

dear yuletide letter 2023.

First of all, thanks for offering one of my fandoms! I mostly said what I wanted to say about the specific fandoms in my optional details, so the goal of this letter is to build on the initial vibe for your consideration.

General Likes

stories about complicated relationships. I love stories that explore messy relationships, including (especially) platonic relationships. I love when authors explore the place where intent fails to connect with action. I like stories that examine codependent relationships, toxic relationships, deeply flawed relationships.*

genfic. I've enjoyed plenty of romantic fiction, but my favourite relationships to read about are complicated guardian-child relationships and friendships.

Sad or Manic Failures. Think Harrowhark in Harrow the Ninth, Spamton G. Spamton from Deltarune, Adachi from Person 4, Beanix in Apollo Justice. The desperation, the futility of life, the unrelenting temptation to give into despair, mhuh! It's exquisite.

people caught up in Authoritarian/Religious systems. If we matched on Deeplight, you're probably already acquainted with Frances Hardinge's masterful explorations of this theme. (And if you are not, I highly recommend checking out Frances Hardinge's novels.) Regardless, we're talking doubt. We're talking desire for control. We're talking distorted thinking and self-serving thinking and delusion. We're talking justifying the unjustifiable. We're talking devastated self worth. We're talking feeling out of step with everyone around you. You get it.

characters who refuse to give up their integrity. I love characters who struggle with temptation and ultimately give in, but I also love characters who struggle with temptation but ultimately stand firm. Also, characters who have given in to the easy thing, but then resolve to do the right thing---especially when the motivation for doing the easy thing is the desire to be loved.

strong worldbuilding/atmosphere. I like stories to have a plot, but a well-developed atmosphere/sense of place is essential as far as I'm concerned. I have enjoyed the most pointless, meandering stories on the strength of the atmosphere/worldbuilding. I love stories that have a fairytale-type atmosphere, or a haunting, surreal atmosphere (think anything by Patricia McKillip, much of Gothic literature, some of Frances Hardinge's novels e.g., Cuckoo Song and Unraveller).

*Important caveat: I enjoy fictional explorations of messed up people and how being victimized can mess you up and messed up relationships in general; that doesn't mean I'm signing off on the idea that you can rape someone and still be said to love them. There might be some idea of comfort in familiarity (the devil you know), but let's not retreat into outright abuse apologia.

General Dislikes

I'm not a big fan of fluff. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don't hate it, but I don't love it either.

I'm also not a fan of modern AUs. Typically, the worldbuilding is a big part of my interest in a particular work of fiction, and modern AUs tend to render that a moot point.

Jenny LeClue: Detectivu

I already said this in my optional details, but it's worth saying again: Jenny LeClue is an awesome game. It has a great sorta-spooky atmosphere, gorgeous graphics, shocking revelations, clever puzzles, and funny, sympathetic characters. I love Jenny's reluctant friendship with CJ. I love how dedicated Jenny is to helping her mom and discovering the truth, and I love how she learns to be a better friend to Keith and Suzie.

If you do like to write fluff, this would be my preferred fandom for it. (But, of course, you are free to do what you want.) A slice of life fic about Jenny and her friends solving a mystery would be fun. I think there's a lot of potential in exploring the fallout of the game while Jenny is forced to cool her heels after her mom/the Dean disappears. She's found out so much, but doesn't have a lot of room to act, which would be very frustrating for her.

The Lion In Winter (1968)

Watching The Lion In Winter for the first time is such a crazy experience because the film creates such a strong illusion of shit happening. Characters deliver ultimatums, overhear incriminating accusations, and threaten to kill each other, but then the film ends and you realize that nothing has fundamentally changed. It's like they're trapped in purgatory, incapable of moving on or changing in any significant way.

I don't have a lot to add to my optional details here, but I do find the idea of some sort of future fic interesting since a) my understanding is that in history Eleanor outlives Richard and b) the characters in the film seem to have no future; instead, they are doomed to play out the same roles and actions for the rest of existence.

Deeplight (Frances Hardinge)

Frances Hardinge is my favourite author, and Deeplight is yet more evidence of how great she is. I love the worldbuilding in Deeplight: the mysterious Cataclysm, and the creepy Lovecraftian gods, and the even creepier priesthood, and the sea-kissed, and the tension between the Myriad and the continent, and the godware contraptions.

I also love the characters. Hark's realization that he doesn't owe Jelt his life is so !!! I also enjoyed the mad scientist aspect of Dr. Vyne. Plus, Selphin's determination was very cool.

I'm super intrigued by the former religion of the Myriad. The idea that priests were specifically tasked with keeping the people afraid is such a crazy reveal, but so on-brand for Frances Hardinge. And then you find out about the origin of the gods and it's like... wtf??!!!

There were no nominated characters for this one, so you'll have a lot of freedom if you write for this fandom. And you know, if you want to write a worldbuilding fic with original characters, I'd be cool with that. I really like the characters in Deeplight, so I'll miss them, but the world is just so cool here, so feel free to explore that if you want. I have faith in you. I think the priesthood and their role in placating the gods in particular would be very interesting to explore.

Once again, thanks for offering these fandoms. I have faith that whatever you'll write, I'll love it (or at least like it). 👍

[toloveandbelovedtoo]

Day 9: romanticizing life

I remember one evening a few years ago, my roommate and I were sitting in the living room when one of us, I can't remember who, got excited about the colors in the sunset sky. This was always something I enjoyed in the evenings was getting to come home to our third floor apartment (not so much the walk up though) and seeing the sunset from our west facing balcony. I do miss that apartment, it was such a nice place.

But that evening he and I were talking as we watched the sunset and he told me he appreciated having me in his life because I helped him enjoy the all things. I had helped him find joy in things that happen daily like sunsets, like morning coffee, like candles that we kept lit on the coffee table. They're all everyday aspects of our lives, but to me, I look to the sky to see a cloud shape I'll not see again, to see the new patterns the sun paints that night, how does this candle smell tonight with the mix of smells from the kitchen, my perfume, the air from outside. Everything changes even if it's a constant like the sun and the moon and clouds.

I had gone out at lunch time to the grocery store to get something to eat and ended up grabbing a few extra items like strawberries and blackberries that were on sale and the some dehydrated kiwi and a bag of freeze dried peach slices. I saw the peaches on an end cap and last minute grabbed a package because I thought it was cute. I'm a sucker for good package design. When I got home, I placed some of the berries in these new ceramic berry containers that I had gotten in a subscription box that wow, I've have for six years now.

But that was made me reflect on today, was the idea of romanticizing life and enjoying the little and small to the grand and huge. I got to see Venus and Jupiter sparkling brightly in the sky the last couple of nights and got to see the moon shine so full. My wildflower seeds I tossed outside are popping up and even now I'm wearing my cat ear headphones as I write this. I thought how I wanted to add things to my home like a jar of matches I have to strike to light a candle or a coffee mug shaped like a flower. I want whimsy, I want cute, I want to find joy in getting to strike a match against the container and watch it come to life.

I think about what I already have an appreciate the joy it brings me like the fluffy bison ottoman in my bedroom, the little hummingbird figurine that hangs from the taller coffee table that you can only see from the brown couch, the bedsheets on my rabbits' beds match my bedsheets. There's the bucket of like 30 rubber ducks that I bring out occasionally for bath time and the little gold koala that climbs the stalk of my golden pothos. Even my tattoos. I have a frog teapot and a cartoon Shiba Inu from a phone game that I've never played, but I love him so much with his little hat and overalls.

I want to find joy and awe and beauty in everything, but moreso I want to find heart and emotion in different aspects of my life. I'm happy I can cry, I'm happy I can feel sadness, I'm happy being able to give space to that. Because it reminds me I'm whole. I'm human. I am more than my skills and what I have to offer, I'm more than sunshine and rainbows, and more so, I'm allowed to be sad, messy, angry, tired, everything my mother wouldn't let me be. I find comfort in the crack in the plastic in this new picture frame I got, the water stains on my coffee table, the way my childhood teddy bear has holes and missing his nose.

Because to me, that's me. The painting in the frame is still beautiful regardless of it's crack, my coffee table holds so much and looks well loved, Bobo is definitely well loved and has traveled the world with me. I have my scars, the lines on my body that tell a story, I have things that I don't like like my weight or my chest. I know I have flaws, I have made mistakes and fucked up, I have hurt people I love, I have said the wrong words, and I haven't given myself the self-love and appreciate all that I am. But even with my flaws, my mistakes, the errors of my past, I'm still so beautiful, so loved, so full of love to give, so worthy of where I am and who I am and all that I have and can be.

In a way, I want to romanticize the things around me because I want to find joy and delight in the world and in myself. Growing up, it was all about appearing perfect. Even though my parents were divorced, we were expected to be picture perfect. The three kids who was supported by their martyr of a mother and siblings to a moderate to highly neirodivergent sibling. We were to look clean even though I had insanely bad dandruff as a child that left my scalp bleeding and hair greasy and my step mom said I was smelly when she first met me. We were to have the best grades, all the after school activities, the best clothes.

I remember being so controlled, I wasn't allowed to dye my hair, I had to bleach my mustache, I had to pluck my chin hairs, I could only wear Old Navy. I wasn't allowed to be around my older sister when she went through her punk phase because our mother knew we were close then and still are now. I couldn't wear the color yellow because my mother hated it. I had to call my mother when I was 19 and wanted to get my second set of ear lobe piercings to get permission. I was put on Atkins when I was 12 and my mother told me to stay away from certain kids who were too queer, despite her saying she supports LGBT students.

So now I look to the little details that catch the eye, I love the color yellow, I line my arms with tattoos because they make me feel gorgeous and they remind me to enjoy the whimsical and to romanticize life not as a way to avoid hard feelings and look through rose tinted glasses, but as a way to find the beauty in everything whether it's a sad beauty or joyous one. I want to find joy and be in the moment, I don't want to go through life feeling mundane. I have gone through it so much controlled and restricted and now I want messy, I want colors, I want details, I want imperfections, I want to be present.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

Do you think the Jedi had any flaws that you think should have been fixed? People like to say that the Jedi order should have been more loving and should have shown more emotion. And I also heard someone say that they were kinda flawed in a way at the time of the Clone Wars. Some I'm just wondering what do you think? Should the Jedi have changed things a little bit, or were they perfect the way they were? (Fyi I love the Jedi so please don't take this the wrong way)

This is gonna be a little repetitive because I have several asks along those lines, but if I started sorting them out I'd never get to answering them. (And don't worry, I'm not taking it the wrong way at all! Even if we disagreed, you'd have to be downright rude for me to be annoyed by an ask.) I kind of already stated my position on this a while back but it doesn't hurt to clarify again, so here:

I don't think the Jedi were 'perfect' the way they were, because there's no such thing as perfection in nature. I can make a list of flaws that individual Jedi had, if you want (Quinlan is rude, loves to show off, is a pain to work with; Ki-Adi comes off as haughty, he can be ruthless; Qui-Gon is impatient, stubborn, somewhat short-sighted; Jocasta is proud; Obi-Wan has a blind spot the size of Anakin and can be a bastard; Yoda can be too vague, Ahsoka too caught up in her own emotions, Mace and Adi too serious - etc. etc.) but that really wouldn't be the point, because the question is more regarding the Order's flaws.

"And I also heard someone say that they were kinda flawed in a way at the time of the Clone Wars"

Lucky you if that's all you've heard, ah ah, because the criticism is usually much more specific and often in terrible faith. But 'kinda flawed'? Sure the Jedi were. Everybody is kinda flawed, and every culture is kinda flawed, that's never up for discussion. But what those specific flaws are and how you fix them in a society is really the question when dealing with large groups, and we don't have the answer.

My own take is: no, I don't really think they should have 'changed things a bit.' As in: I don't see one or more big specific problems within the Order that are easily identified and fixed, and that, if fixed, would have made the Galaxy an unquestionably better place with no drawbacks.

Were they 'too cold' and needed to show more warmth? That's horribly subjective, but here's my (very outdated) masterlist where I delve a lot into Jedi culture in general, and here is a series specifically showing how free they are with physical displays of emotions, for example. Not loving enough is definitely not a Jedi problem!

Is it bad to take children away? It probably creates a lot of messy situations that I'm happy to explore, but it is ultimately the parents' choice + there is plenty of indication that the children are not entirely cut off from their birth heritage, and Lucas explicitly said that being raised communally was the best thing for anyone aspiring to the Jedi path. We have no indication that making the Order into a sort of boarding school would have been better.

Should they have been less involved in politics? They seem to get shut down more often than not. Should they have been more involved in politics? There's not even a consensus on that.

Should they have been spending all their time freeing slaves? Now that's not fair, because there is no realistic way for them to be doing that.

Were they too strict on Anakin, or not enough?

Should they allow for open romantic relationships? (which they more or less already do, because we have no indication that they explicitly forbid romantic connections and enforce that ban, just that they highly encourage their Knights not to commit to a relationship when they're already committed to the Order - can't be married to two different things, essentially) We have absolutely no indication that this would have a positive effect on the Order, or even that it's what most Jedi would want.

For the most part we don't even know the exact policies, Code, traditions and rules of the Order, so we have very little to go on from for practical things they could 'fix.'

Sure I'll admit that it was messed up to have Padawans fight a war, or to essentially torture Bane to get him to tell where he had hidden the holocron with the list of Force-sensitives kids, ignoring the irl and in-universe context around these things. Sure the war wasn't as clear cut as the good Republic and the bad Separatists. Sure the Jedi did unethical things throughout canon (little known tidbit: as did every single character in Star Wars, which isn't to say that criticism is meaningless, but that it always need to take context into account).

Maybe the Council should be bigger. Maybe they should have worked with non-Jedi more.

But I don't see big systemic issues in the workings or the culture Order that directly stem from malice, incompetence or unforgivable ignorance, and that could or should have been 'fixed' for the Jedi to be 'less flawed' as a group, because that's a big claim to make about any culture, even a fictional one.

People get to tear Satine to shreds for removing violence from Mandalorian culture after a civil war that shattered a planet, glassed their homeworld and decimated them, because she dared to go against the Mando beliefs and traditions, so I similarly reserve the right to defend that the Jedi's lifestyle seems to work well for them, and that we are never shown or told what precisely it is that they should have done better, and how they should have done that. I don't see that there are any drastic changes they would have needed to make to deserve to be recognized as good. As for changing just a little bit, there would be no consensus on what those little changes should be, because little problems are subjective, hard to determine, and every time you fix one little problem, you create a new little problem, and there'll never be a way around that.

tldr; Sure, the Jedi are plenty flawed, y'know, like people, but I don't think we can pinpoint one or more precise things they should have changed to be 'better,' being flawed doesn't in any way negate all the considerable good they did, and it's kind of a moot point anyway, because they all died through no fault of their own (Palpatine couldn't have given have a kriff about their philosophy, beyond the part where they were against murder and wouldn't let him be king of the whole universe, the bastards - Order 66 would have happened regardless of the rules about attachment). Basically, I can make a list of shitty things individual Jedi did or said, but nah, I wouldn't change the Order.

[itgirlification]

supermodel (3) | jjk

when you asked jungkook to come over, you didn’t expect it to end this way.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: unprotected sex, spitting, face slapping, spanking, etc.

now playing: stuck on you by giveon

part one part two

“I just didn't feel like you were ready for a relationship. You still aren’t.”, He said. “Not ‘cause you’re a bad girlfriend, it's because you’re so bad to yourself.”

After the party, you decided to message Jungkook and ask him to come over to talk things through, since there was too much between you unanswered. Now that’s exactly what you’d been doing for the past 15 minutes.

You admired his honesty even though it hurt you.

You were about to open your mouth, but Jungkook made a hand motion to let you know he wasn’t finished talking.

“Do you know how I felt when you always looked down on yourself, always picking fights because you’re too damn insecure to realize that I was only looking at you?”

You looked at him, wondering if he was expecting you to answer so you just shook your head no. You didn’t know how he felt.

Throughout the entire timeline of your relationship, he hadn’t even tried to tell you he was feeling like this once.

Jungkook sighed, clearly not trying to hurt you with what was going to come. “It just made you hard to love. I didn't feel fully loved in our relationship, because if you had so many issues loving yourself, how were you supposed to love me?”

Realizing you’ve never thought about it in that way, you made an astounding facial expression, before finally talking. “But we aren't the same, Jungkook. You’re so easy to love. But I’m not. I’m flawed and I don't think I deserve to have you in any way. Please don’t think I never loved you. It hurts me.”

He jabbed his cheek with his tongue and gazed at you in disbelief. “You missed my point. I’m telling you, you shouldn't be looking for a relationship if you can’t love yourself first.”

Now you were getting a little irritated at him. “Well, that’s easier said than done. You don’t understand what it feels like having people constantly body shame you and having a conventionally attractive partner and people telling you you’re too ugly for them, you don’t deserve them. You don’t get it, because you are the attractive one in the relationship.”

With his clenched jaw and the tightened expression on his face, you knew Jungkook wasn’t having it. “Oh, you know that’s a typical move for you, yn. You love victimizing yourself and being blind to your own faults, acting like everybody else around is doing everything wrong when you don’t even let them express their honest feelings to you. You’re unbearable to talk to, you know that?”

“Of course, I am. Because I’m confessing my fears and my vulnerability to you it’s hard talking to me, right? Like I didn’t spend a total of like what, a year? listening to your sob stories about your childhood trauma and your daddy issues and your drug problems and I didn’t even say a thing about it. I never complained.”, you hollered at him, unfortunately, your anger was getting the best of you.

You were aware of the fact that you shouldn’t have mentioned your ex-boyfriend’s childhood, let alone his unhealthy relationship with drugs. You knew it was his weak spot, but you did it out of anger, you couldn’t control it.

You remembered the first time Jungkook teared up in front of you while talking about how his father mistreated and abuse him and his mum and how he started abusing drugs at the age of 16.

“Jungkook..”, you moved closer to him after noticing his silence, trying to put a hand over his shoulder. He rejected you by shaking your hand off.

“Nah, don’t ‘Jungkook’ me, you know what you did, don’t try blaming it on the fact that you’re mad at me right now.”, He hissed with flaring nostrils. “That’s what you’ve been wanting to tell me ever since I opened up to you, don’t lie.”

You felt deeply ashamed of the fact that you were getting aroused at the side of this messed-up Jungkook who was standing right in front of you.

Despite your arousal, your ex-boyfriend’s statement had hurt your feelings. You didn't want him thinking that of you, you wanted him to know you supported him and wanted to be his shoulder to cry on. For him to know he could always call you.

“Jungkook, that's not true at all”, your voice softened and you sat yourself on one of his thick thighs, gently taking his face into your hands. “You know I love you and I’m just frustrated, that’s the only reason why I said that. You can talk to me about anything.”

You started to lightly grind against his thigh, contemplating whether you wanted him to notice or you didn’t.

Jungkook started chuckling as he felt your pulse on his thigh. “You know sex isn't gonna solve all of our problems, right?”

His demeanor always changed when he'd notice you were needy. One thing about your relationship you never complained about was your sex life.

“I know, but it would solve a lot of them right now”, you breathed out, grabbing a handful of his dick, making him hiss.

“I don't think you deserve dick after what you said.”, Jungkook looked at you with a serious gaze. “Stand up.”

You were confused at his sudden demand but obeyed regardless.

“Now lay on my lap, facing down.”, He demanded again and you did as he said.

Not knowing what was going to happen, you were just all up in his lap, trying to figure out what he was going to do. Your hair was wild as it went in all directions, while you were bent over.

Before you knew it, a firm hand was applied to your backside, giving it an unexpected slap. “I think you've been getting a little brave these days, hm?”

“Wha.. what do you mean?”, you sounded like you were gasping for air.

“Already outta breath when I barely touched you, huh?”, he chuckled at your desperate state before dragging his big hand along your ass cheek, teasing you before applying pressure and spanking it, causing it to jiggle. You loudly groaned at that.

“Shush, you’re lucky I’m only using my hand and not this belt.”, Jungkook said with a daring stare.

Your face felt flush and the burn you felt on your ass started getting pleasurable. You wondered what you looked like to Jungkook, bent over his knees like that. His spanks were getting heavier with every passing one.

“Jungkook, it hurts so bad”, you whined to him, your face burning.

He inhaled sharply and you assumed he was mad at you. “Didn't I tell you to shut up? Look at me.”

You turned your head to him, sitting on one of his thighs, which caused your ass to burn even more. Jungkook then cupped your cheeks rather harshly, collected enough saliva in his mouth, and spat on your face.

You bit back a moan, slightly startled. Jungkook always wanted sex to be as messy as possible.

He finally took off his shirt, revealing the tattoos that you loved so much. You started touching them, but Jungkook slapped your hand away and smacked you across your face.

You felt overheated by the intensity, also releasing yourself from your shirt, your black lace bra, and your tits spilling out of it. Jungkook thought it was a beautiful sight.

“I hate you”, you whispered stilly, feeling hazy.

Jungkook chuckled darkly. “Sweetheart, you might wanna speak up. Say that again for me.”

“I hate you for always making me feel like shit.”, you said dizzily as you adjusted yourself on his lap. He held your body effortlessly like you were a feather’s weight.

You started making out sloppily, not without him letting out small moans into your mouth that directly sent waves of arousal through your body.

“I hate you for always starting arguments and playing the victim.”, He breathed out between kisses, hands resting on your ass.

“I hate you for replacing me with that model when you know damn well where you belong.”

The make-out session became more intense with every second.

“I fucking hate you for thinking everything I do is to hurt you.”, he growled against your mouth, making a moan leave your mouth.

“Well, I fucking hate you f-“, you were about to come back at him, but he breathlessly interrupted.

“Shut up”, he groaned into your ear before shoving a hand between your legs and rubbing you.

The frustration in your body built up. “Jungkook, I need you..”

“Where do you need me?”, teasingly, he took his hands away from your pussy. “C’mon, use your big girl words.”

“Inside...”, you felt too dazed to complete a sentence. Jungkook’s hard dick under you was just adding to your frustration.

Before you knew it, he pushed your back onto the bed and ran his hands through his longer black hair before undoing the buttons on his black jeans and taking them off along with the shorts, and leaning forward to kiss you, his strong arms flexing as he did.

He lifted you up and you hook your legs around his small waist, still kissing him. He ran his tongue over your lips after biting them.

After gently throwing you onto the bed, Jungkook laid back and sat you down on his stomach.

You moved southwards and sank down onto his dick, moving back and forth, Jungkook watching his dick disappear into your body. To enhance things, he pulled your hips down a little harder.

Your heavy breathing and the occasional moans that left both of your mouths spread throughout the whole dorm. The pleasure was so intense, you couldn’t talk anymore. You were digging your long nails into his broad shoulders and his back. You were sure it left marks, but you couldn’t care to think about it.

Jungkook leaned in for another kiss, brushing your lips together and sucking your bottom lip into his mouth. “Fuuck, I missed this.”

You kept on going back and forth and bouncing up and down on his dick. The two of you were out of breath.

His dick was buried deep inside of you as he thrusted in and out of your pussy, your hips met and you dug your nails in his back, losing your rhythm as both of your climaxes approached.

Hips stuttering as he fucked into you while your vision faded into black, time slowed just like his thrusts.

“Shit, I’m gonna cum.”, Jungkook warned beforehand in a grunt.

You nodded, indicating you’re cumming too. “Cum inside.”

He initiated eye contact with you to make sure you weren’t just saying that. You nodded.

Your eyes rolled back as you felt his warm liquid enter your body and fire pooling low in your abdomen from your own orgasm.

Positioning yourself on the bed, you stayed there with Jungkook in pleasant silence for a bit.

After a minute or two, the both of you had the energy to stand up again. You freshened up, then made your way to your bed, not before changing the sheets, of course.

Jungkook was in the bathroom for a few minutes, later then got out only wearing his shorts, leaving the rest of his clothes on your pile of dirty clothes you were gonna wash the next day.

“Goodnight.”, Jungkook pressed a loving kiss to your forehead, before jumping into the bed with you, covering his body with the blanket and scooping closer to you.

“You aren’t leaving?”, you tiredly croaked at him with big eyes to which he shook his head no and snuggled closer to you.

Your heart fluttered more with every second that passed. “Goodnight, Jungkook.”

You knew that once you’d wake up and once she’d see you with Jungkook, a loud, disappointed Jane will be heard through the whole apartment complex. But you were too tired to care.

And lastly, when you fall onto the bed and peacefully fall asleep in his strong arms, you weren’t bothered by what's to come.

And so, the cycle continues.

_

taglist: @taeisbae13 @queenmasterxx @jkbangtan7 @jenotation @complicatedjules @gee-nee @tokyorm @yoonievrse @ggukkieland @laurynne5 @miinoongi @kb-bangtanenthusiast @1-in-abillion @sarcasmflowsinmyveins @madygswich @chieftoadturkeynickel @pjmnoir

Thank you everybody for your support. I’m sorry it took such a long time but i got school and stuff. I thought it’d give jungkook at least one redeeming quality so this part wasn’t so depressing. Hope yall like it🖤🖤

[mdverse]

Hey! So your Furtana art (and art in general) always brings me such joy and I think I feel similarly about Finn as you do, i.e. can't really love canon him but I do like aspects of his character and therefore like my headcanon of him. So I just wanted to ask, what would you change about canon Finn to make him more easily likeable? What do you think are the best things about him, and do you have any headcanons you'd like to share? :) (could be Furtana related haha, or not)

hi!! am glad my art can make u happy (especially the furtana stuff, they really have become my comfort trio haha).

i do want to warn you that i'm not great at analysing characters (or anything else ngl my brain is often very empty), and i'm even worse at putting my thoughts into words, but i'll do my best for u :)

i think the main thing i would change isn't even an aspect of Finn himself, honestly. if anything, the most important change i'd want would be for the characters around him to hold him accountable for his actions. bc let's face it, Finn gets away with saying a lot of things. he's the only character i can think of rn who used two different slurs, in addition to the entirety of mash-off/ikag, and probably more things that i can't remember off the top of my head, and the only time i know that someone for sure made him actually think about the consequences of his words was Burt. also santana slapping him, but idk if that really counts. i know u just watched ikag so i don't really need to go into the fact that pretty much no one tries to knock some sense into him (the kurt/klaine aspect of the outing really irks me and i don't feel like getting into that here but ugh). with the r-word i think he did realise immediately that he was wrong to say it and i think he regretted it, but my point is. most people around him didn't hold him accountable for the hurtful things he said and did, so he was able to get away with doing things without really thinking about the gravity of his actions. and that's really frustrating, bc we see that burt yelling at finn does actually have an effect - it's clumsy but he does try to support kurt after that. and i think we see it in s4 with him defending unique when she is dead set on playing rizzo; he knows there are risks in letting her do so, but he is 100% willing to protect her to the best of his abilities. he's capable of growth, and i think he's also willing to learn, it just seems to take a lot for him to get there sometimes. which actually leads pretty well into why i like vb au furtana! the thing about santana is that she just,, doesn't take people's bullshit. she's stubborn and won't shy away from a fight, even if she stands no chance of winning, which means that growing up together, santana would've always been ready and willing to throw finn's mistakes in his face. very bluntly. it most definitely also means that finn and santana fought a lot as children - usually over dumb stuff bc, yknow, they were kids. but regardless of what it was, finn would come out of the conflict with a new understanding of what he did wrong and most importantly, why it was wrong for him to do x thing. which isn't to say that vb au santana had a fantastic moral compass as a child, bc she did also treat kurt (among others) like trash for a while, but her constant presence and bullshit detector play a big part in preventing vb au finn from turning into canon finn.

in terms of what i do like about him... i think it's kinda similar to your recent post about santana and how you like that she's cruel and messy (i do too! wasn't sure how to respond to that post bc words are hard but,,, its sth i enjoy exploring in vb au... just letting her be harsh and defensive at times... but that's a whole other thing lmao anyway back to finn). i like that he's flawed. i like that he's confused, that he doesn't really know what he wants in life, especially after high school. i like that he's insecure, that he lashes out at people (though sometimes his anger issues worry me and make me think that he needed therapy. tbh a lot of the glee characters needed therapy but that's a whole other post again), that he feels like the (stupid) high school hierarchy is extremely important, that he struggles to merge that part of his life with his love for the glee club. he feels grounded, yknow? i love me some character flaws that make them instantly relatable. but i think what i love about him the most is how kind he can be. it feels weird to type that right after bringing up some of his worst moments on the show, but he really does have some incredibly sweet moments with people. to me, his growth shows the most in s4, bc teacher!finn had some moments where you could just tell that even if he didn't know what he was doing, even if he was scared to be leading these kids by himself, he still cared about them so much. things like helping artie make grease happen, helping ryder with his dyslexia, trying to help the s4 newbies bond with each other, making sure the club didn't fall apart after their sectionals. i am still judging him for deciding to do gangnam style but that's unimportant rn. idk i'm really losing my train of thought now so i'll just finish with this: finn is a sweet but dumb boy. he has golden retriever/dumb ginger cat energy written all over him and i just desperately wish he had been given more chances to properly grow from his mistakes, instead of pretty much everyone (except burt hummel, king, icon) glossing over it.

one more thing tho! i am once again shamelessly self-promoting but i know that watching ikag was a struggle for u and i humbly offer my version of santana's coming out in hopes that it's a more pleasant experience for u...

[mercygracemabuyo]

The Kind of Friendship that Lasts a Lifetime

I've learnt a lot about real passion in my twenties, and I've realized the value of nurturing relationships and surrounding yourself with people who understand you on a deep level.

I've been thinking about friendship in general and how much my concept of it has evolved over the last ten years.

Obviously, we all have people that come and go in our lives. However, as I grow older, I am grateful for the few true ladies in my life who I never have to doubt. They basically appear in every way possible, and it's simple.

I've always preferred a small group of 'best' friends than a large number of acquaintances, and those friendships are quite important to me. I'm drawn to women who are strong because they've been broken. Those who have a story to tell and truly understand who they are as a result of that story.

Women who unconditionally support me and O and honestly want the best for us. The weak-willed but strong-willed. I can simply glance at my pal and she knows exactly what I'm thinking. Those who have the ability to go deeper. The people you know will defend you, and you have complete faith in them. The ones who actually comprehend and demonstrate unconditional love.

I asked two of my closest friends to offer a brief description of what friendship meant to them at this point in their lives.

ONE. Friendship means someone who always believes the best in you. When you can't protect yourself, someone defends you. It's someone who encourages you to be your best self and is the first to stand up and applaud you when you accomplish. True friendship is God's way of holding you when you're at your best and, more significantly, when you're at your worst.

TWO. True friendship is simple. I want to be the friend who is always there for you, regardless of what happens. Friend who is supportive, trustworthy, and loyal.

THREE. We may not chat every day or even every week, but when we do, it is meaningful and lasts for several hours. Those who will drop everything when you call may now be counted on one hand, and it's no longer referred to be friendship; it's now referred to as family.

FOUR. In this season of life, friendship has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Because you are the actual you, a good friend loves you even if you are flawed, confused, or wrong. This may not be a large group, but it is a solid and genuine one that expects nothing in return but your company.

Isn't it wonderful how amazing they are? It's no surprise that I adore them. Finally, as I reflected on what I've learned about friendship over the last several years, I wanted to share a few of the lessons I've learned with you.

ONE. MAKE THE TIME

We live in a world where information and life updates are at our fingertips, but don't let the guise of social media keep you from reaching out. A simple phone call or impromptu lunch date has proven to be far more effective. The bottom line is that making an effort to connect demonstrates how much you care.

TWO. LOVE WHO THEY LOVE

It's crucial to adore someone your partner loves in order to have a true relationship. I've learned firsthand that a friendship can only go so far, and that the more the merrier isn't always the case. When it comes to the friends I care about, I want everything about them, from the good and easy to the messy and imperfect. That comes with a deep commitment to love who they love. It creates a beautiful, vulnerable extended family and improves your relationship in an entirely different way.

THREE. NEVER LET INSECURITY GET IN THE WAY OF FRIENDSHIP

I've never been one for overcomplicating things, but I've learned that judgment, competition, envy, and small lies have no place in friendship, or any relationship for that matter. All of these factors, however, usually boil down to insecurity. Judgment dissolves into understanding, competitiveness vanishes, envy transforms into things you're permitted to speak out loud, and lies are forgotten. Your friends should be the first to support you in whatever way, big or small, and clap the loudest for you. Allowing insecurity to get in the way is never a good idea.

FOUR. DON'T FORCE IT

Just because you have a past doesn't guarantee you have a future, I've realized. We have complete control over whether or not we choose to invest in one another, and at the end of the day, you make time for what you choose to make time for. There are already enough challenges in life; don't make your friendships one of them. When it's time to take a deep breath and let go, remember that sometimes the lesson is in the inescapable reality.

FIVE. BE PRESENT FOR THE IN-BETWEEN

I need friends who are willing to drop everything and run. Take a deep breath for me and cry with me. They're there not only for the big things, but also when I can't get out of bed. When I require unending prayer. They adore me in both my best and worst moments. From life-changing days to insignificant, nameless moments. This type of connection forges a bond that is difficult to break.

Remember that there is no harm in loving people well.

Thanks for stopping by

Love, Grace <3

[jlf23tumble]

Jen!! I'm in desperate need of your amazing taste! I'm loving all this content from hl and i would LOVE some uptaded canon fics!🙏🏻 (canon can be SO GOOD!! And i love your fic recs!♡) My request is more for 'recent' canon fics (like set in recent-ish years, and i don't mind some angst too) Oh and if you want to add some fetus xf larry as a bonus i'm always down for that :) jajsnd *sends a kiss*

Bruised Fruit by @glasscushion, louis/harry, 1.2k words, E. Louis is obsessed with the way Harry smells in the heat of LA. (You know what I’m obsessed with? Someone who can cram this much visceral, er, visceralness into 1.2k words)

you flower, you feast by @thepriestthinksitsthedevil, louis/harry, 1.4k words, E. An anon on harrystylesbottoms asked for a fic where Louis worships Harry's thick booty... and here we are. (AND HERE WE ARE)

Healthy Appetite by @vondrostes, louis/harry, 2.5k words, E. “You’ve been eating more,” Louis commented as he dragged a finger down the curve of Harry’s side, carefully tracing the love handles that had finally returned now that Harry was finally on break again.Harry squinted at him suspiciously through his sunglasses. “I’m not sure if I’m meant to be flattered or insulted." (Terran’s another one who can pack an entire world in just a teeny bit of text, literally chef’s kiss on this one)

Alone Apart, Alone Together by bkljt, louis/harry, 2.6k words, E. Harry doesn’t know how, but he feels a shift as he waits for the response. A thickness to the air. It’s like there is energy, a spark, flowing between them, even thousands of miles apart. He didn’t necessarily mean it to sound sexual. He didn’t not mean it that way. He was going to leave it up to Louis’s interpretation. (One of my all-time fave tropes is phone sex/text...thank you to the wankfest, and thank you to this author, but I can’t find you on tumblr!!)

She, Myself, and I by @vondrostes, harry/nick, 3.1k words, E. “It’s me,” he said quietly. “What?” Harry sniffed; turned his head again to look at Nick, voice a little bolder. “You asked who ‘she’ is. It’s me.” (oh gender!! Terran has so many in this vein, and I’m not gonna rec ‘em all, but I could rec ‘em all, if that makes sense)

Like a Rolling Stone by @vondrostes, harry/nick, 3.4k words, E. He’d barely taken a single sip in the hour-plus he’d been sat there, unmoving, transfixed by Harry’s songs—haunted by the knowledge of what had inspired them. (I’ll stop, but yeah, rip gryles hours)

such a pretty face, on a pretty neck by cabinbythesea, louis/harry, 4.6k words, E. Harry goes to the Met Gala. Pink carpets just aren't Louis' thing, but Harry is. (I would tag the author, but there are so many similarly named aesthetic blogs, and can you even imagine? Anyway, thank you, author!)

I’m Not Over You (But I’m Trying) by tinygiant, louis/harry, 4.8k words, E. Louis' House of Solo photoshoot drops, and Harry forgets how to forget about boys. (all kinds of wonderfulness AND a pubes mention? Be still my beating heart! Can’t tag/find the author, but yeah, thanks for your service!)

My happiness depends on you and whatever you decide to do by Blake/ @newleafover, louis/harry, 5k words, E. If Harry asked him not to do it, Louis would call him naive and do it anyway. So Harry won’t ask him not to do it. But maybe he can help him make the most of a shitty situation."I'm here for my audition, sir." (this is from last summer, XFUK era, but it’s so good, plus it’s Blake, nuff said)

Warm Glow that Lingers On by Blake, louis/harry, 8.5k words, E. If Harry wants his nails painted red, he's got to earn it first. (description of Harry’s tour last summer...and mayhaps next summer, too, hmmmmmm?)

call me anything you like, but my name is by @wishforwishes, harry/mitch/sarah/clare, 9.9k words, E. some conversations are better left forgotten, some conversations are worth remembering, and some conversations you never get the chance to have. Featuring three mentors, two tea parties, one and a half recording studios, and a reference to Archie comics. (this is the second part of a story, but you don’t necessarily need to read part one to get it; I love everything about it, the way it starts and ends with Zayn, the entire gender exploration, how real it feels, sighhhhh)

be my once in a lifetime by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals, louis/harry, 11k words, E. Just like there are only four other people who will ever understand what it’s like growing up in One Direction, there’s only one other person who knows what it’s like to find your soulmate just before you’re thrown into the spotlight and forced to acknowledge that the both of you have too many flaws and vices to make it through fame together. Or: It's all about having sex and being sad. And drunk. (Nina’s MIND, the mood, the words, the vibe, I love the way they think, the [insert really spot-on word about all] of this; following their blog a few months back was a ver’ ver’ smart thing of me to do, we have such similar tastes in fic, gosh, they’re swell, this is a Nina appreciation post at its core)

Maybe I Miss You series by 13ways/ @1ws, louis/harry, 27k words, E. Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect. (this makes it seem so simple and fun, but it is messy and brilliant in the best way...that wankfest really delivered)

Now for some fetus HL!!

Powerless (and I Don’t Care It’s Obvious) by objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain, louis/harry, 4k words, E. “Oh no, Lou, don’t make me laugh,” he whimpers. His Ribena-purple mouth twists into a glorious, breakable shape, and Louis’s heart stops. He should not be getting turned on by Harry’s full-bladder discomfort, his little twitches, his hips-stuttering. And yet. (Lissssten, Phoenix is the queen of XF era HL, full stop, just know that I rec every single one of her stories, but I’m putting this one here because it was the last one she wrote; the people who sent her hate can burn in hell)

Sonic Sounds by @glasscushion, louis/harry, 5.7k words, E. "Harry takes a deep breath, suitably embarrassed, “I’m just really...” and he can’t say the obvious. He can’t just say really wet." Harry loves feeling embarrassed. Louis is happy to help. (fun with electric toothbrushes, which also makes me think of the fact that you can *still* buy a WMYB toothbrush that will sing to you while you brush; I don’t think that’s what happens here, lmao)