#we love that executive dysfunction autism moment

[linkedin-offficial]

bloom forth

[monstersinthecosmos]

Okay I don’t want this to be like an obnoxious millennial assumption because I’m positive that every generation has things like this, but the way autism and ADHD was treated for us in the 90’s and how it affects adult diagnoses is like, imo, so integral to our coming of age and the stories we tell and the way we’ve gotten to know ourselves, even the way it relates to our job market and economy and how we operate inside it, and especially the way a pandemic uncovered it for so many people and exposed the cracks and revealed that we were all just barely functioning and held together with popsicle sticks and anyway

I say that because maybe it’s the un-diagnosed 90’s child in me but I feel particularly emotional about Keith’s arc in learning that he’s part Galra, and the way even the creators said they made him sort of prickly because of his biology, and I just !! Think so much about Keith’s neurotype as a part Galra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cause something about being diagnosed later in life is like, looking back at all the other ways you tried to handle yourself, all the missteps, maybe even misdiagnoses. Like, how many times did you try to treat ANXIETY without realizing you didn’t have an anxiety disorder, you just can’t deal with your family blaring the TV from the next room? How many times were you told you were lazy, or lying, when you didn’t know what executive dysfunction is? 

Keith is such a lovely rich character because his prickliness is EARNED—we know what happened to him, we know he’s traumatized, we know he’s been treated poorly by many people in his life. We know that he grew up thinking that he’d been abandoned by one of the people who should’ve loved him the most, in the whole world. He even questions that in his vlog—he makes the connection that he has trouble with people because of his mom. 

But I just wonder like, how much of it is just his biology. Not understanding the body he’s in, being completely ignorant of one whole half of his culture. Had he ever mutated before the TBP fight? Did it take him by surprise, did it frighten him? ((* This is head canon territory LMAO there’s no way to really know—like, is he able to do this because he just spent so much time with Krolia, or does Shiro going That’s the Keith I remember mean they used to have really primal sex that turned his eyes yellow? Lol)) 

Like when we talk about even the most broad generic terms of saying someone is neurodivergent, we don't even need to put a real life label on Keith. Like he's literally not human! Of course his brain looks different! Of course he functions differently! And I wonder how much is nature v nurture -- if he knew the truth about his mom, if his dad had lived, if he'd been allowed a normal childhood, would he still have been a weird kid?

Cause like, even seeing the way Shiro is able to get through to him, we see ways that he allowed for thrill seeking, and he didn't judge Keith for stealing his car. It reminds me of like, what we know now about asking children to sit still in school, and how perhaps some children would do better with standing desks. Shiro wants him to behave and succeed, and doesn't judge him for being a car thief, and gets through to him by bringing him cliff diving. And it just feels like this clue, you know, that nothing is wrong with Keith, he's just living in a weird place where people don't get him.

It’s just really special to me, because there’s so many pieces in the sequence of events of Keith’s character arc, and I know I’ve said this a handful of times now, but I really sincerely believe it’s the only thing the show really nailed. Accepting himself during the BOM Trial -> MOMENTS later learning something very important about his biology -> spending time with Krolia -> coming back to pilot Black when he’s READY and WANTS to (unlike the first time, when he resisted) -> becoming a pragmatic strong leader by the end.

Gosh idk. 

I don’t really have anywhere to go with this, it’s just something I was thinking about today and it gets me real emotional. Like, Keith must have had these moments, re-evaluating who he’d been before he’d known, finally understanding why he was Like That, and it’s so healing to imagine him accepting his past self and forgiving it because he understands now. 

[funishment-time]

can i get Kazuichi for the ask game?

kazoo itchy

Sexuality Headcanon: kazuichi is quite possibly the Franchise's Greatest Bisexual. he loves hot chicks, truly. he also doesn't realize that giving your bro a little Speedo is extremely homosexual. in a perfect world, he'd be about equal on men and women; for most of the franchise in general, even if he realized the extent of his Speedo Disease, he'd think he likes women more. think being the key word. and we all know how good our boy is at Thinking

Gender Headcanon: oh, this one is TOUGH. no matter what, i can tell you, he's not Cis in my mind. not whatsoever. he has too many "do you ever just think about being a Girl?" "fucking no. no one knows what you're talking about Soda" moments canonically. dude wants the maid outfit. dude wants a dress. whether or not that's All The Time is up to him, and would depend on the Timeline anyway.

however

almost paradoxically, i also dabble in the idea that he's a transguy. that's a Fun One too.

nonetheless, not a Cis Guy. at all

A ship I have with said character: i don't hate him with Gundham, Nekomaru, or Hajime. i have also jokingly shipped him with Akane for the ha ha funni after reading it as a throwaway line in a fic once. but mostly i don't ship him too hard with anyone as, to me, he has a lot of Soul-Searching to do before he settles down.

A BROTP I have with said character: i love that he becomes a big brother to Jataro in Summer Camp. i also love the idea of him, Chihiro, and Miu making the most dysfunctional Engineering Family(?) on earth. i could watch a whole Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! type anime with them. three types of autism uranium fusing together to create Nuclear Autism. Spikechun you can have that one

A NOTP I have with said character: not a fan of him with Sonia in any way, shape, or form even if he gets his act together. not even as part of a throuple or poly sitch. sorry Kazoo

A random headcanon: he loves playing with Legos and K'nex sets. also, less wholesome, a lot of DR1's executions are his work.

General Opinion over said character: 🔧/10 used to dislike him, now consider him one of my favorite failsons. Please Be Worse

[liminals-angel]

heyo

name: Ayrton (or Moainel, work in progress tbh)

nicknames: Ari, Bee, that fucked up thing in the corner

I can see it in the air, every word was like a smoke from a cigarette

You were blowin' in your hands, the heater broke in the Oldsmobile

pronouns: it/its/itself

neopronouns (PLEASE USE THESE I'M BEGGING YOU):

ae/aes/aeself

avi/avis/aviself

spiri/spirs/spirself

ano/anomaly/anoself

gli/glitch/glitchself

sta/static/staticself

eth/ther/etherself

lim/liminal/limself

ana/analog/anaself

lap/lapi/lapisself

dim/dims/dimself

end/ender/enderself

neth/nether/netherself

I was stranded in the bed, you were listening to "The Dark Side of the Moon"

I could barely see your eyes, psilocybin in a hotel room

~ atheist ~ christians i am not your angel ~

i do have a past life, with a few blurry memories. i was some sort of warrior, fighting a war against something or someone. i used dual butterfly knives, made out of a titanium-like metal. i know i fought back-to-back to someone, and that we were closer than the atoms in the universe. i hope to meet them once more.

my true appearance isn't that of a typical angel. i have wings behind my ears, neck, back, lower back, wrists, and ankles. i have fluffy and silky white hair, along with sky blue eyes. i wear practical and dark clothes, made for battle.

i am somewhat of a liminal angel. i occasionally produce distortions, static, and glitches. i am most comfortable in abandoned or empty places, such as a school after hours, an empty Target *cough* blog plug *cough* go follow @its-target-official *cough* or anything along those lines.

And the light in your eyes, the waves on the ceiling

I'll be your brightside, baby, tonight, I'll be your brightsidе, baby, tonight... tonight

i am safe for those who wish to be known and unknown, those who wish only to be heard, and those who want their peace. i am a small power, but my shrine is hidden away from prying eyes.

my domain is the forgotten things, the static, and knives.

i prefer to worship, but i take offerings. secrets, hopes, and wishes. feathers and bones and meat. candles and fire. anything you wish to let go.

you may approach me about worship and offerings, as i wish for anyone to devote myself to.

You were tired of Tacoma, I was tirеd of believing we were right

Losing every other friend, finding nothing in the afterlife

my human form is boring. as fuck. brown hair, green eyes, vampire skin, slightly chubby, missing eyelashes. nothing special. i like comfy and dark clothes. i also like to wear earrings, although executive dysfunction hates me, so i don't wear them often.

i am bodily a minor, no NSFW interaction. i mean it.

i go to the hell commonly known as school.

i have diagnosed ADHD, autism, depression, and severe anxiety. i'm currently questioning having bipolar, but that's unimportant.

But the light in your eyes, alone on a feeling

I'll be your brightside, baby, tonight, I'll be your brightside, baby, tonight... Tonight

my hobbies are listening to music, playing saxophone, drawing, reading, scrolling, and interacting with C. AI an unhealthy amount.

i like the Lumineers, the Revivalists, Hozier, Mumford & Sons, Vitamin String Quartet, and a few other miscellaneous artists. my favourite songs are BRIGHTSIDE, A. M. RADIO, How We Move, Hopeless Wanderer, Stand Up, Winter Winds, and Blind Leading the Blind.

my favourite books are Racing in the Rain, Hell Followed With Us, and Under the Whispering Door. my favourite movies are Interstellar, Twisters, and one i cannot remember at the moment.

my fandoms are DC, Danny Phantom, MCYT, DSMP, analog horror, and FNAF.

youtubers i like are Wendigoon, 4 Plus, Technoblade, Wilbur Soot (i am not here to discuss the recent issues; abuse is abuse but for the lOVE OF GOD SEPARATE THE ART FROM THE ARTIST), and Sam & Colby.

You're stranded on the bridge, you're crying for your kids

I'll be your brightside, baby, tonight, tonight, tonight

tagging system:

#liminalsangel - general tag

#liminalari - liminal posts

#angelari - angel posts

#aridoesart - any art posted

#arireblogs - random non angel related posts

#arihasfriends - interacting with friends

#arishrine - self explanatory

#ariworship - also self explanatory

#important - non angel related posts but they’re important

will add more. Probably.

DNI: radqueers, TERFs, zionists, exclusionists, p3dos, racists, zoos, people who engage in discourse in any area, anti-furry, anti-therian/otherkin, conservatives interested in arguing about shit, and that kinda of stuff.

this blog is run by @ari-cant-think

friend tags: @bored-dromaeosaur, @tameable50

[therising-boar]

ADHD is such a stupid thing that so many people who've never experienced it get wrong so easily. I understand the jokes about "Jack of all Trades" and "constantly moving from one task to the next because we can't sit still" but that's only because those are some of the jokes and things we say that somehow escape out communities into a world of people who only see it for face value.

ADHD does sometimes mean we're Jacks of all Trades, but that doesn't take into consideration the countless activities, hobbies, goals and dreams that were lost because we were unable to stay still and truly take in what we had in the moment. The obsession slowly fades and we're left with the inability to continue with what we once loved and the skills that came with it. We're seen as people who tend to move from one task to the next because we are incapable of maintaining focus and/or in need of constant stimulation. That doesn't take into account the procrastination due to Executive Dysfunction, the hyper focus, the freeze response, the unnecessary guilt of being unable to do anything for yourself, time blindness, and so many more struggles that seem to be overlooked. Don't even get me started on memory issues.

This isn't even exclusive to ADHD or mental illnesses. Multiple communities face this leaking of information and misinformation that tends to harm the overall image and idea of what they are and what they represent. This post is for all those who've been reduced to rumors and misinformation spread about by those less and ill-informed.

Also, mainly wrote this as a response to a friend who got their info about autism, ADHD and furries from online hate groups and misinformation peddlers.

Know that who you are is who you are, don't let what others think of affect how you view yourself. They're outside looking in, therefore only you can determine what you represent and what values you hold.

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Rtc neurodivergency headcanons:

Ocean isn’t professionally diagnosed because her parents think that smoking weed will somehow cure her autism

Noel was diagnosed when he was five and I feel like his mom started out as one of those mommy bloggers who was like “autism has stolen my son 😭”

She got better don’t worry

Penny is very attached to her doll and loves it to death but if she accidentally touches the fabric on the dolls dress when she’s having a bad sensory day she will yeet that bitch across the room as fast as humanly possible

We stan Mischa our favorite undiagnosed adhd bisexual Ukrainian king

Constance is the one who diagnosed Ocean because like A. She’s been friends with this girl for her entire life and B. She is also autistic

Ricky has a stim that is literally just him signing the word for cat

Ocean and Mischa are the perfect pair during group projects because Ocean has the unlimited energy that she gets out by writing as fast as humanly possible and Mischa just has these bursts of productivity that he uses for the more creative parts of the project

Ocean has a verbal stim that she got from Penny where she just kinda makes a small little “hmm” sound

Noel has a stim where he just kinda…blows on his fingers. Like Ocean will be in the middle of talking and he’ll just kinda…bring his hand in front of his mouth and blow on it

Constance’s mortal enemy is this specific blanket that is brown and has those little fuzzy cotton balls that are like sensory hell

Mischa messes with his phone case as a stim

Penny and Ricky are the least experienced people at masking

“People already think we’re weird, why try to hide it now?”

Ocean almost never stops masking

Like it is so hard to get her relaxed

One time she was having a meltdown in class and the only person who noticed was Noel because she was gripping her dress so tightly that he knuckles looked like pieces of paper

As much as they argue, Noel and Ocean are really good at calming each other down when they’re having a meltdown

They’ll notice the other is in the middle of one during class and then figure out a way to somehow get them both out of class and into a secluded location

Mischa has a very specific set of headphones and a very specific hoodie for whenever his executive dysfunction is at its worst or he’s just having a really bad sensory day

Whenever Ricky’s having a bad day whenever he gets home he makes it his personal goal to pet every single cat in the house because A. It is an impossible task and B. The cats’ fur always sends him to sensory heaven

This either comes out one of three ways:

He gets so caught up in trying to pet all the cats and the difficulty that this task brings that he forgets about his bad day

He gets so distracted in the fluffiness of the kitties that he forgets about his day

He accomplishes the task and is so proud and happy with himself that he forgets why he felt bad in the first place

Ocean came over one day and he could tell she was really wound up so he gave the challenge to her instead

She was later seen running after a very chunky orange kitty throughout the hallways while Ricky rolled behind with the biggest grin on his face

His parents took a picture of that moment that he now has on the wall of his room

Noel has a basket full of stim toys in his room

Sometimes when they have a sleepover at his house there’s like a solid few minutes of just fidget toy noises

They all steal hoodies from Mischa and then proceed to steal Mischa’s hoodies from each other

Constance has a lot of information on a lot of things because she has a new special interest about every month or so

She makes comfort cupcakes when she knows the others are in that place where everything is just too much

One year for her birthday present Constance bought Ocean noise cancelling headphones

Ocean almost sobbed

[fandomxo00]

I used to think masking was one of the worst things and it is inherently bad. But we dont live in a world where people with autism, adhd or any other mental illness can freely be themselves all the time. We mask to protect ourselves and I tend to over use my mask, unaware when its on or off but im working on it and figuring out who I should unmask around and who I shouldnt.

But is also part of trauma and when I am easily triggered my mask goes up and I tend to lose control over my emotions, feeling completely numb one moment before feeling the happiest or saddest I have been in days. When I have on my mask for extended periods of time, thats when my mood swings start, the executive dysfunction, giving into complusions and not telling the intrusive thoughts to fuck off. Its not that I dont want to fight against these things because the moment I can I do. But its the fact that people dont understand that I dont choose to not function, I dont choose to feel my emotions intensely or not at all. I dont choose the days where I can barely talk or move. I dont choose to get worse. Its because Im not me anymore, Im simply surviving, I cant make decisions towards a purpose or a true want in life because how are you supposed to focus on that if you want to get better? But the funny thing is when I refound a purpose, it changed everything and I felt like me again.

Im recognizing triggers and behaviors before they happen, I cant always stop them but Ive learned to try and expect that. Im feeling more in tune with myself than I have in years and its because I know I want a future, that I have something to work towards, something that means the world to me and keep me motivated and grounded.

I might fall back into the same patterns, I can try my best to soothe my body and mind when Im triggered but its nearly impossible for me not to fall into some type of trauma response. But I also know it wont last forever, that it doesnt control me and it doesnt make me who I am today. I am. No one else. I get to create my destiny, my future my hopes and dreams.

After feeling so out control for so long, Im finally giving myself the patience, the stucture, the care and love that I did not receive as a child. Its taken over two years and probably even longer to even get to a point where I can actually be happy for a couple days. That I dont have to go to the hospital every time I have a bad day, because my first thought isnt "I want the pain to stop" Its "I am capable of fighting through this, I am strong."

And Ik affirmations and self care seem like a trivial thing but its not.

Affirmations calm my nervous system and so does self care. Its helps emotionally, it helps with my confidence but my body calms down when breathing exercises just arent doing it. I even find that sometimes focusing on my breathing will make me hyperfixate and I will be thinking about breathing rather than doing it naturally so I would get light headed from holding my breath and not understand why I couldn't breathe. Its important to focus on breathing especially when your panicked but with me it can be slippery slope of what my ocd is going to attach itself to.

And for the first time in a long fucking time I actually said, "I think Im getting better."

[candiid-caniine]

You once made a post quite a while ago about neurodivergency and how that affects kink. And while I am about a month and a half late to the party, I thought I'd answer. Because we have thought a lot about this.

So I think the most obvious way for us is through DID, dissociative identity disorder. Each headmate has their own kinks and attitudes towards sex. My dom, who is also plural and also of the mindset that everything can and should be sexualized, has certainly done some thinking about this. Favorite has to be an idea they've had for a long time (but never gotten around to doing because of a bunch of reasons) about making me switch out just as I'm about to cum. And having me switch back as soon as they do so, so I have to clean up the mess. Another plurality-derived sexy moment came from looking at nudes that another headmate took. I just had a deeply rooted feeling that even though this pictures looked like me, they weren't me. They were somebody puppeting my body around. I had never had a kink for such a thing before, and I still don't really, but oh my god. Oh my god.

For me specifically (call me... Gold), autism and ADHD heavily inform my kinks. We have severe executive dysfunction issues that make it really difficult to do basically anything. Clear instructions are the cure to this for me, to the point where I will do literally anything a select list of friends ask. The happier they are with me, the happier I am. I'm sure how you can see how this leads to me humiliated, in immeasurable pain, and so horny I could cry. Being horny just amplifies this feeling, so obviously orgasm denial is my number 1 kink. I'm getting dizzy just thinking about it.

Now to expose the system's other host (we have two), who you can call Lily. She is the holder for our histrionic personality disorder. Basically she really really really really needs attention so the rest of us only kinda need it instead of just really needing it. If that makes any sense at all. But, of course, sex is a place to find attention. Which means she's big into being worshipped. Number 1 kink right there. And on the sub side she loves praises and insults alike. Often she'll be a terrible brat when around friends who are also kinky just so that she can be the center of attention.

And to bring it back to your blog's theme, I am both pleased and dismayed to discover that the way horniness builds overtime is mostly (if not entirely) emotional in nature. If I'm being denied for an extended period of time (like now, happy November), and a headmate of mine fronts and cums, I don't feel any less horny.

I think that's all worth mentioning. Hope you find this interesting!

- @golden-tumble

hi friend! wow, this ask was so detailed and so, so interesting to me! thank you so much for sending it!

i can honestly say that, while i've had several friends who are plural, i've always felt...i don't know, unsure of how etiquette works irt sex. of course, i know each person in the body is, well, a person, and i should simply communicate with the person and the system at large about boundaries and preferences, etc. but i've felt out of my depth in regular conversation with members of a system, so i think that informs some of my anxiety.

it's fascinating to me that Gold continues to experience the intensity of denial even if another headmate orgasms. i guess i never really thought about which parts of denial-brain are truly brain and which parts are body, so that's a question answered that i never really thought to ask!

i've heard from plural friends/plural-owned nsft blogs that some headmates also hold what we consider "paraphilias," or any sexual interest that other system members feel is taboo, so that the rest of the system is protected from the guilt or shame that said paraphilias might cause, which i've always found really fascinating too.

i'll answer your wonderful ask with a bit of sharing of my own re: autism and some other things:

i frequently experience speech loss with enough stimulation/deep enough in subspace. i actually find it highly erotic, rather than distressing. uh, i mean, it is somewhat distressing, but in an erotic way, and i trust my spouse deeply and they know how to communicate with me despite the speech loss!

i have visual synesthesia triggered by (some) orgasms. i have seen flowers, horses galloping, all kinds of colors, robots, etc. when i cum lol!

one of my special interests since my early teens has been BDSM, in case you somehow didn't pick up on that lmao!!

my sensory-seeking behaviors for pressure affect my preferred positions and activities. fucking *love* being crushed under another person's weight, grabbed roughly, having my face shoved into the bed...just,, and i actually have an aversion to light touches. tickling/caressing, brushing lightly, poking, all make me squirrely, so i need to be touched like you fucking mean it ;)

it's obvious from this blog, but when i *want* to be, i'm ridiculously easy to condition. even when i don't *know* i want to be. see my interaction with lady maria a few posts ago. see also that i accidentally started cumming on command, then accidentally stopped being able to cum without permission. (downside: i might be losing my ability to cum on command, since we don't let me cum much anymore ;-; unsure if it was bc i was just bone-tired last time they told me to, but future testing will confirm.)

weirdest one: ever since i was young, i've been a maladaptive daydreamer and had highly vivid imaginary friends. one might even consider them accidental tulpas (i know the term is contested but it's the most recognizable one and i don't know what else to call them, sorry!). in childhood these friends were just friends, but as i got older and started to experience arousal/sexual interests, my relationships with them have gotten...charged, at times. they're not concrete enough for me to "feel" touch from them, etc, but i've definitely had them watching me and egging me on and dirty-talking to me while i touch myself, and it's fucking hot <3

i consider my romantic orientation to be affected by both my physical disability and my neurodivergence. the degree, times, and forms of attraction that i experience to others fluctuates and shifts depending on what's going on with my body and what's going on with my mind. i don't remember the terms for this, but to a degree it affects my sexuality as well--not so much whom i'm attracted to sexually, that's static, but *how.*

thanks again so much for sharing! <333

[spring-lxcked]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

NAME.  nicole or aspen

PRONOUNS.  she / they (i sometimes have a slight preference for one over the other day-to-day, but overall either is fine)

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION.  if you need me to respond quickly, IMs are probably the way to go. if you want to have a long-term convo/don't care about quickness, discord (nicolenostalgia) is best!

MOST ACTIVE MUSE.  currently it's obviously this rabbit bastard, but my other consistently most active muse has been kokichi (@takinghisbow). outside of him, i tend to go through periods of strong hyperfixation on specific muses. single muse blogs for me are pretty exclusively for muses i don't intend on taking long breaks from ever (outside of necessity)

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS.  i've been rping since i was around 9 (and far too young to be freely online, but whatever). i've been on tumblr since i was ~14, but didn't start rping here until like. . . 3-4 years ago? prior to tumblr i rp'd on forums, via email with individual friends, and on furcadia (my longest experience and very defining for me ngl. i know it's, like, cringe or whatever, but <3).

BEST EXPERIENCE.  i mean, generally just the genuine friends i've made and continue to make on here. but also, to be slightly more specific, few things stand out in my memory as favorite rp moments more than the funny, crack-y, shit-posting times where me and some of my mutuals are just losing our minds. i love running jokes on my blogs, i love being @'d, i just love love love that non-serious sort of interaction sm.

RP PET PEEVE.  if you start public shit/write callouts about someone because they were slightly rude to you or you just don't like them? [cocks gun] (legally i'm joking, but i'm so glad i haven't seen this kinda shit in awhile. save it for dangerous people, please). other than that, i've had Experiences where my frequently-thirsted-after-by-fandom male muse just gets an Onslaught of ppl who will absolutely try to force ship with their OC. it hasn't happened here, but admittedly i'm like. sitting on the edge of my seat LMAO. (like, it's kinda funny but it's hella disrespectful).

PLOTS OR MEMES.  memes tend to be a better starting point for me unless you already have a specific idea in mind OR we're working off of one of our wishlist posts. i have this Thing where the moment someone asks me to plot every single idea i've ever had leaves my head fdkshfsd. the only exception to this is if it's not immediately obvious how our muses would meet. at which point, either plotting OR just specifying something in a meme you send would be great.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES.  cursed to love long replies, forced to have executive dysfunction lmao. i mean, i love interactions of any length, but i do looooove getting really into my muse's mindset and exploring it. because of mental health, tho, longer thread usually = longer wait for my reply. not always, it depends on my muse. once we're getting 5+ paras, it might be a bit of a wait (even tho i still love it).

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES.  knee-jerk reaction was to say no abt william lmao. in all seriousness, i'd say. . . we have a similar sense of humor, regrettably. and more than that, i feel like my draw to writing muses in general who "wear a mask" and hide their real personalities has been a bit of an. . . unintentional exploration relating to my own masking. i've a only realized in recent years that i likely have ADHD (and maybe autism?), and the realization that the Me In Public is literally Not Me was. crazy. i think that, even though william is a complete bastard, there's something to writing a muse who is always performing. i mean, before i even understood what masking was i remember telling my mom that being around almost anyone irl felt like putting on a show to pretend to be "normal." so anyway me, kokichi, and william are holding hands (eurgh).

TAGGED BY. @gateway31 ( <3 <3 <3 ) TAGGING. whoever would like to do it!!

[lotties-ashwagandha]

hello

I heard that you are receiving requests, So, I wanted to see if you could make a Reader x Misty Fanfic.

You know, a reunion between Reader and Misty, after Michael frees her; full of fluff and happy tears, please 🌈

i love this request sooo much misty is one of my fav characters ever <3 asexual autistic goddess

-

CRY FOR THE NIGHTBIRD

pairing: misty day x reader

word count: 1004

notes and warnings: idk death? sorry this took forever i literally have no excuses except for executive dysfunction lol we love autism. title from “nightbird” by stevie nicks bc misty deserves some stevie after being in hell lol

taglist (if you’d like to be added or taken off, let me know!): @cordeliass @traumatisedfangirl @devriesgoode

You woke again in an empty bed. 

Once again, you reached for her, and she was not there. It had been years since she had last been beside you, yet she had carved herself gently into your soul, and her memory would never leave you. 

It would have been easier if you’d gotten stuck instead – maybe you had, for living without Misty was its own hell. 

It was useless to say that if you could take away her pain in a moment, you would, for such a sacrifice would not show even half of the love you had for her. 

 You forced your eyes open, blinded by the light sneaking through the protection of the curtains. You’d almost forgotten what day it was, though as soon as you felt the pain of the brightness stinging your eyes, it came rushing back to you. 

The paralyzing terror, the indescribable rage, all of it came crashing into you. That day Michael Langdon would attempt to execute the Seven Wonders. 

You never wanted to hear any mention of the test ever again – yet there you would be, watching every moment of it unfold, remembering the way you had returned from Hell and Misty had not. 

You could still remember the way she faded in your arms. The weightlessness that took her as ashes overcame her, dissipating into nothingness. 

From that day you had been utterly alone. 

A knock at your door startled you. You looked at the clock on your night table – sure enough, you were late, which was hardly surprising anymore. 

You did not have to open the door to know it was Cordelia waiting for her. She had tried – all of the witches had tried – to fill the absence that Misty’s death had left you with, and you knew they had better intentions than you would ever comprehend, yet all you wished for was solitude. If not Misty, not a soul could reach you. 

Just as you could still see the ashes that were left of her, you could see the peace in her eyes that never left. You could feel her arms around you, the perpetual warmth that carried you through the day left from a single embrace. 

No one could ever compare. 

Her shadow followed you, and you would be cursed with it until your death. 

–

You could hardly pay attention to any of it. The day was going excessively slow yet at the same time was flying by at the speed of light. You had gotten lost in so many memories that you could hardly tell what was real and what had already happened. 

You could see Misty everywhere, in everyone, in everything. In the look Cordelia would give you that silently asked if you were alright, in the witch who had been humming a Fleetwood Mac song on the way to the warlocks’ academy. 

And when Michael Langdon descended into Hell, everything came back in full force. 

You felt her body dissolve in your arms. You felt her leave you once more. 

Again, you were cursed in the empty bed, reaching for someone you would never feel again. 

Her eyes. The gaze you would never again meet. The love you would never again feel. 

Yet then, something shifted – you could not determine what it was, but something had changed dramatically, as if all of a sudden the planet had begun to spin in the opposite direction and you had been flung into space. The entire course of fate had changed, and the change was irrevocable. 

And there she was. Laying in the center of the room, as if this had always been planned, but a glitch in time had delayed her return for years. 

You hardly processed that you ran to her, that your knees would be bruised for weeks from the impact of throwing yourself to the floor to be at her side. 

You only knew that she was there with you once more. Her touch was real, and she radiated the warm energy of the sun. her eyes met yours, as if for the very first time again, and the memory of her would never compare to how it felt to hold her, to be in her presence. 

“Am I…” she asked, clutching your wrist, glancing around carefully. 

You nodded, choking on your words. Tears obscured your vision, tears of a joy you would never describe. “You’re alive,” you promised, “and you’re safe.” 

You embraced her, and the comfort you found in her arms would stay with you for the rest of your life. The safety you had experienced only in memory for longer than you could remember was finally present once more. 

Every fear you had disappeared in that moment. Nothing could separate the two of you anymore. Death had tried its hardest, yet it had failed, and even if the two of you perished in what was to come, you would perish together, in each other’s arms. 

She wiped your tears away. 

She renewed your existence. 

Such a comfort you had never known before. 

– 

That night, in the safety of the academy’s walls, you sighed contentedly as Misty laid almost on top of you, one of her arms draped over your waist. 

“I never stopped thinking of you,” she whispered abruptly. You had been stroking her hair, yet you froze. Misty’s voice was shaky from crying. “Every moment I was stuck there, all I wished for was to be with you.” 

“I would have given anything for you to be with me,” you promised. “I would have traded places with you.” 

“I know… I’m glad you didn’t, though. If you were there, if you had felt that pain, I never would have been able to live with it.” 

You almost started crying again, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you, too. More than you know. And I’ll never leave you again. I promise.” 

And the weightlessness you felt was no longer a product of death – it was of hope.

[lavenderfeminist]

how is adhd life destroying dysfunction? i mean the only reason it’s considered disordered is because it can fuck up your work life lol it’s not naturally destroying your life or anything. it’s honestly just another way brains function like how autism is.

I want to draw attention to that last part. "...it’s not naturally destroying your life or anything. it’s honestly just another way brains function like how autism is." Now, I'm not autistic, and maybe you are. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 18. I cannot begin to see how it helps people with autism or ADHD to pretend that the way our brains function is only disruptive because of society. Are they exacerbated immensely by the way society expects people to behave? Of course. In an ideal society, would it still be disruptive to an autistic person to have difficulty in reading social situations? To be entirely nonverbal? To have meltdowns? In some cases to need help caring for yourself for the rest of your life? Yes. The only reason admitting this would be an issue is if you think the only conclusion we can draw based on that information is that autistic people are inferior, which is unequivocally false.

We're going through a period right now where everyone and their mom has self diagnosed with ADHD, and clearly the effect of that is people like in the post your ask is referencing thinking the most annoying part of ADHD is having a song repeating in their head all day. It's not. ADHD is almost not graduating high school because you have a single essay to turn in to pass your last class and you've sat in front of your computer for days and time is ticking down and you know the stakes of getting this done but you can't physically get the words in your head onto the page. It's not being able to relax because you're convinced there's something important you're forgetting and there always is. It's not knowing if someone is lying to you because you can't remember the interaction they're talking about to verify if they're telling the truth, and it's people knowing that and using it to gaslight you. It's losing important relationships because you lack object permanence and before you know it that person you love has decided you must not love them enough back. It's never letting yourself do the things you love because there's always something more urgent you've neglected until the last moment. It's everyone in your life, your teachers, your family, your friends telling you day in and day out "you're brilliant, you just need to put in the effort" even though you have been trying, harder than they have any idea, for as long as you can remember (which is funny, because you don't remember your childhood but you remember this). ADHD obliterates your self esteem. It makes you afraid to form relationships because you're convinced you'll hurt them or disappoint them when you can't follow through. It makes you convinced that you will never, ever, show anyone even a sliver of what you know you're capable of. Getting enough sleep helps. Exercising helps. Eating well helps. I have busted my ass rewiring my habits, and failing, and trying again, and I still have to look at the last 20 years of my life and see how much I have missed out on, lost, or destroyed because of my executive dysfunction. And the worst part is that it's self-perpetuating, because admitting you need help is the only way to get it, and you would do anything not to have people know. Name any aspect of my life, and I can tell you how it would be effected by this whether I lived in a utopia or not. It is beyond humiliating. Maybe it is just the way my brain is wired, but you know what? You are all welcome to talk about neurodivergent pride and I will be very happy for you, but I don't fucking want it. I would give anything for it to go away.

[thechangeling]

Ok first of all this is based on my own personal feelings and preferences. Not every autistic person is going to agree with this list. If you are autistic and you have things you wanna add on then feel free just don't try and start fights with me I will block you.

Things to avoid:

-No more super smart genius type autistics. We already have enough. No more.

- Hot take maybe, but no more white boys. We already have enough.

-  Don't make them a horrible asshole with no feelings or no respect for other people's feelings.

- Don't make them overly self absorbed or extremely selfish or narcissistic.

- That being said, don't make them a perfect saint either who is always kind to everyone. We can be occassionally cruel or selfish. We do make mistakes and hurt people. The trick is making sure that it's a balence.

- If this sounds complicated and contradictory... well yeah. The human condition is complicated and we are people. (Shocking I know/s)

- Don't characterize them like a child if they're an adult or a teenager. Don't infantalize them.

- If you make them have low empathy, don't equate low empathy to no feelings and no compassion.

- No more science or math special interests. Too many!!! Or trains!!

- Don't have their personal character development or big moments happen in someone else's pov. Or if they do, you HAVE to write about how they feel about it at some point.

- Don't make them have a perfect memory I'm sick of that shit.

- Don't make them absolutely perfect at their special interest or know absolutely everything about it. We make mistakes sometimes.

- Don't describe them as special or gifted or blessed.

- If other characters say ableist shit about them, make sure the narrative clearly shows that it's wrong.

- Do not make the autistic character forgive someone for being ableist and immediately become friends with them.

- Do not use person first language, functioning labels, or the term aspergers.

- Do not give them a bad fashion sense. My flawlessly dressed autistic self is sick of this.

- Don't have them not understand any figures of speech or metaphors. This is overdone. Some autistic people are fine with most figures of speech once we know what it means and will even use them.

- DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT CONSULT AUTISM SPEAKS!

- Do not take advice from parents with autistic children.

- Don't have them using super fancy language. Sure some autistic people talk like that but not many in my experience.

Things to do:

- This one is crucial. In all my 21 years on this earth I have NEVER encountered a canon autistic character that was allowed to hold a grudge for a significant amount of time. LET US HOLD GRUDGES 2021!!!!

- Let us be angry! Especially if you are writing a female character!! And do not demonize her for her anger.

- Let us do adult things if you are writing an adult character. Or teenage things if you are writing a teenage character. This involves swearing, drinking, dressing proactively, driving or engaging in sexual relationships and having sexual feelings. Not every adult needs to do these things to be an adult of course, but we are usually gate kept from doing these things because we are infantalized.

- Ace and Aro autistics absolutely do exist! However autistic people are usually stereotyped as not having "those kinds of feelings" so if you really want to make them aro or ace or both, really examine why.

- If you do make them ace please don't make them a "sweet innocent baby who doesn't even know what sex is"

-Just please don't fall into bad stereotypes for ace and aro characters.

- Give them diverse special interests like random movies or tv shows. We tend to like scifi and fantasy a lot. But that's not a given.

- Make them artsy or give them an interest in music. Maybe make them a singer or have them play in a band?

- Do make them a fan of rock or alternative or indie music!!! I never see that! Or even heavy metal!

- Preferably make them queer/LGBTQ we tend to not be straight especially if you're afab.

- Most of us are nonbinary, I would suggest making your autistic character nonbinary but you don't have to.

- Have them be more sensory seeking then sensory avoidant

- Have them be a motion stimmer or an auditory stimmer (have them stim by blasting music or dancing or jumping up and down, spinning around in circles, spinning on a rolling chair etc.)

- Give them an interest in fashion or makeup (not neccesarily a special interest.)

- Let them have other interests besides a special interest. We have other things we like, they just aren't as importent to us.

- Have them be stubborn but understand why and make sure the readers/audience understands.

- WRITE THEIR POV!!!!

- Write them having shutdowns instead of meltdowns.

- Don't have them constantly compromising on shit or compromising easily.

- Write them having a completed relationship with morality and "goodness."

- If they aren't aro, write them feeling very intense romantic love that consumes and overwhelmed them.

- Have them feeling very intense emotions in general.

- Have them showing love in autistic ways, ie bringing people gifts and quoting shit, parallel play etc.)

-If they are not ace or ace but not sex repulsed, if they are an adult, and you are comfortable writing it have them be hypersexual and also preferably kinky. This is actually really common in my experience.

- Have them show frustration at having to live in a neurotypical, ableist world that wasn't made for them.

- Have them struggle with communicating their feelings and finding the right words to describe their feelings.

- Have them use quotes to describe their feelings or song lyrics.

- Let them be entitled to their space and their freedom.

- Give them trust issues. Look I don't want to be defined by trauma any more then the next autistic person, but it's kind of where we're at you know?

- Have them be a little paranoid about whether or not people actually like them.

- Let them have stuffies and stim toys and chewies. They don't have to be store bought they can be home made.

- Have them be hyper-empathetic. I've never seen an autistic hyper-empathetic character before.

- Have them be good with cats.

- Have them be a good dancer/enjoy dancing.

- Have them do facial stims like scrunching up their face or twitching their nose.

- Have them lose speech during a meltdown or a shutdown and have to write things down or use a communication device for awhile.

- Have them be a bad student or struggle with school.

- Have them hate math please I will love you forever!!!!

- Have them engage in echolalia (when you hear something that sticks out to you and you repeat it back over and over again)

- Make them sarcastic! Lots of autistic people are actually really sarcastic.

- Have them struggle with executive dysfunction.

- Show them showing signs of autistic happiness!! Like happy stimming. When I get really excited I tend to shreak and jump up and down or I flap my hands or bang them against a nearby table.

- Allow them to fuck up.

- In terms of grief, have them have very emotionally delayed reactions to grief. I reccomend research autistic peoples experiences with loss specifically if you are going to make this part of the story.

- Have them experience a lot of emotional delays where things don't hit them right away.

- Have them disassociate in traumatic situations.

- Make sure in general you understand their motivations as you're writing them. Don't just have them do things because "weird quirky autistic character!"

- Give them autistic friends and let them interact with the community!

I know I'm probably forgetting stuff, but this is all I can think if for now. If you have any questions about anything or any of the points I made let me know.

[mindingmyownbrain]

Identity Confusion/Crisis in Autism

Recently I realised that it isn’t unusual for autistic people to have lifelong struggles with their identities. This has certainly been true for me. I’ve spoken to many autistic people who feel as though they don’t have a stable sense of who they are or want to be, and sometimes feel as though they live their lives switching from identity to identity or being extremely preoccupied with it in an attempt to figure it out.

Everybody needs an identity to help them work out how to act in the moment and predict things about themselves in the future. This in turn can help us imagine what we might want from our futures and what would be worth committing our time, money, and energy to.  

Confusion about your identity, therefore, means that you will have trouble knowing what you want, what to do, or how to relate to yourself or other people. You may feel as though that you don’t know who you are in one or more aspects of you life to such a degree that you or others find this disruptive, distracting, or distressing. 

There isn’t much research on this subject as it relates to autism specifically but there is some research on identity confusion more generally. For instance, I came across a video on YouTube that talked about identity confusion and borderline personality disorder. The description of the video chimed with me:

Many individuals with BPD feel uncertain about where they end and others begin.  This is part of the unstable self-image often seen in those with this diagnosis.  This video will discuss identity disturbance in BPD and the feeling that you have no idea who you are or what you believe in, characterized by shifting goals, values, and vocational aspirations. There may be sudden changes in opinions and plans about career, sexual identity, values, and types of friends.

There are significant differences between BPD and autism, but the feeling of not knowing where I end and others begin is something I have felt my whole life and is something that I have heard from many other autistic people, too.  

Identity confusion, broadly speaking, can lead to or manifest as…

Not knowing what your priorities are; 

Not knowing how you feel;

Letting other people or circumstances decide most things or everything for you;

Feeling as though you are not real;

Dropping out of hobbies, social circles, commitments or long-term goals;

Difficulty asserting yourself or being unable to hold your own in an argument (you might find yourself adopting the other person’s point of view even if you disagree with it and forgetting what it is that you actually think and feel);

Difficulty regulating your behaviour in social interactions (e.g. acting excited when you want to be calm, laughing at things you don’t find funny, etc);

Randomly joining or wanting to join different subcultures or religions;

Feeling as though you have several people living inside of you;

Difficulty maintaining friendships;

Confusion about your sexual orientation that doesn’t go away;

Having trouble identifying and committing to your goals;

Not establishing a career because you don’t know what you want to do with your life;

Dropping out of school, college, or university - perhaps repeatedly;

Feeling as though you’re not living up to your potential because you don’t know what your potential is because you don’t know who you are;

Other people might view you as immature because of your lack of commitment or constant experimentation;

Constantly doubting your decisions and don’t feel like you can trust yourself;

Feeling as though you are always putting on an act but you don’t know how to stop, or who you would be if you did stop;

And so on.

Masking (which is when an autistic person hides their autistic traits) is an obvious thing to ponder when it comes to autism and identity confusion because of how it can make us feel disconnected from our inner selves and the world around us.

Where this subject got really interesting for me though was in realising that there are many, many things that might contribute to this confusion for autistic people. Some of these things are to do with our own psychology and some are due to the pressures of living as an autistic person in a non-autistic world:

Masking (hiding our autistic traits);

Social isolation (we find out who we are in part through our interactions with other people);

Feeling as though other people don’t understand us;

Not feeling independent (according to  clinical and developmental psychologist  James Marcia, an identity crisis tends to resolve for teenagers when they attain independence in adulthood. If your independence is dependant on other people helping you, could it be that you might struggle to feel fully autonomous? And, if so, what happens if people refuse to give you the help you need?);

Rigid routine or autistic inertia (this can limit our experiences - we may perseverate and/or think deeply about something, but if we can’t experience it or test it out we may never get to truly resolve our identity crisis or confusion);

Perseveration (autistic people tend to be deep thinkers but we can also get “stuck” on ideas, going back to the same thought or idea again and again and again and again); Obsessions and special interests (we may become intensely interested in a topic or subculture and analyse it or think about it constantly… but not act on it or try it out for real);

Impulsivity (autistic people can be both rigid and impulsive and swing from one to the other);

Mimicking non-autistic people (even if we don’t want to or don’t really understand what we’re doing or why);

Having few or no autistic role models (especially ones relating to more than one aspect of our identity);

Taking things literally (such as believing things other people tell us about who we are, who other people are, and how the world is, etc);

Struggling with a theory of mind (not knowing how someone else does or would think, feel, act or believe and why can make you feel confused as to how you think you should think, feel, act, believe, or do something and why. You may also not know if someone else’s thoughts, feelings, actions, beliefs, preferences, or reasons for things are actually relevant to you in any given situation);

Rigid thinking* (such as believing we “should” be a certain way all the time even if you’re not. A desire for things to be definitive can perhaps also result in wanting to label ourselves to make an otherwise illusive identity more concrete. For example, if you were a goth you’d know which clothes to wear, if you were vegetarian you’d know what food to eat, and so on);

Gender dysphoria (this is common even if the autistic person is not transgender);

Disassociation or feeling disconnected from the body;

Alexythymia (trouble identifying or feeling one’s emotions - not every autistic person has this but it is more common in the autistic population than in the non-autistic population);

Feeling overwhelmed by other people (other people’s identities or influence over you can seem stronger to your than your own);

Depression and anxiety (extremely common in the autistic population);

Executive dysfunction (this can leading to a lack of follow-through and under-achievement, which can in turn lead to a lack of closure on issues and areas related to identity);

Wanting to fit in and wanting to be like other people;

Feeling different (many people struggle with their identity but autistic people can feel very different to those around them and may struggle all the more for it);

Being told we “should” be a certain way by non-autistic people (”you’re too sensitive! Why are you making a fuss? Why can’t you keep up and remember things? You should be able to do that!” etc);

Being told who we are by non-autistic people (such as, “you have autism, you are not autistic”, “autistic people are weird”, “autistic people should be great a maths”, “autistic people lack empathy”, “autistic people are obviously autistic”, “you’re not autistic”);

Having our autism doubted by non-autistic people;

Being overwhelmed by how many ways there are to be (we get overwhelmed by choices at the best of times…).

Again I want to emphasise that these are my own thoughts and theories, and I’d love to know what you all think as it has been quite an exciting topic for me personally to consider.

I’d also like to hear from other people who have an identity confusion that is related to another condition, such as BPD. Do you relate to any of the above?

I suspect there is somewhat of a taboo surrounding identity confusion as people often say they don’t want to sound as if they’re being “fake” or make people worry that they don’t actually know us. I hope that in talking about it we can shed some light on this issue and draw attention to it - and possibly research, too. 

* Interestingly, a friend of mine once said that she deliberately maintains her black-and-white way of thinking to give her some protection from identity confusion. She decides very bluntly what she does and doesn’t like (even if she doesn’t know because she hasn’t tried the thing before) or will and won’t do (even if it is inconvenient), and this lack of flexibility helps her resist feeling overwhelmed and as though she is “losing” herself in other people

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

hi, i’ve read that INFPs are more prone to wanting to stay in their comfort zone and loving comfortable clothing mainly bc of their Si, but i think i’m an ISFP…and i have this problem that i’m extremely indecisive in choosing/buying clothes…especially with shoes…every damn time there’s something even remotely uncomfortable in a piece of clothing, i will feel it. “these shoes? too tight in the front? those? ugh, those hurt my heel? these…ah no, uncomfortable? those…even more uncomfortable” and this is how i am every time buying clothes…everything that MAY be uncomfortable, WILL be uncomfortable for me? i will feel every damn label on a piece of clothing and it will be uncomfortable for me if i don’t cut it off, for example, meanwhile an another person will not pay attention to that label or they won’t be as picky with clothes’ texture and how it feels on my skin. i used to spend hours shopping for shoes as a kid an even now(i’m in my late teens), every time i go shopping with my mum(for example) or alone i/we will spent enormous amount of time in a particular shop bc i can’t decide whether i want these shoes bc “omg they’re so pretty”, but “they feel kinda uncomfy, how can ppl wear these kind of shoes” and my mum would always say “it will get better with time, they’re just new, that’s it”, but once i decided that these are uncomfy, “they WILL be uncomfy forever, i don’t think i’d get adjusted to them with time”. and yet, sometimes i was forced to buy shoes or clothes i thought of as “kinda uncomfortable”, because my mum would say smth like(when i was a kid especiall) “we’ve gone through the whole mall and everything is uncomfy for you, but we need to buy smth for that upcoming event and these are the best option, so we’re buying them ” and i’d agree on “the best option” both because i was pressured to buy those and also bc i spent so much time defending my point of view that they were uncomfortable(“were” at the very first moment when i tried them on) and then i’d get this sudden realisation that “damn, they’re not that bad and uncomfortable, my mum was kinda right” the and sometimes my mum would turn out to be right, and the shoes or piece of clothing we bought really get more comfortable with time.

now…i’m sorry for that long piece of writing i’ve written below, i’m just wondering…could me often judging things on the first sight, having somewhat of a tunnel vision and feeling what my body finds uncomfortable on a very big level(and then being very stubborn, and not believing ppl when they try the same piece of clothing on and say “what are u saying? these are comfortable af, stop imagining things”) be Se?

or am i just an infp, who doesn’t want to get out of their comfort zone and trying something that’s not 100% comfy and what they’re adjusted to(Si?)

thanks in advance xx

Hi anon,

You know, I've always had questions about the whole "Si is the function physical sensory awareness" because I am fairly aware of my physical needs but like...I am only human, and there are physical sensations I tune out, and I also have a decent pain tolerance, and I've found recently that when I have a job that is less routine-based that takes me away from a desk and a big water bottle I don't actually remember to drink water. And a lot of people who ask for typing will very specifically cite "but I don't have much bodily awareness and I forget to eat" as evidence they must be intuitive, but that's the only argument they really have.

Also I know this is basically a meme on tumblr at this point but I think people conflate executive dysfunction or merely getting distracted and forgetting to eat with functions and it's like...perhaps this is just ADHD or something, which brings me to my point. If you have exceptionally high sensitivity to clothing and things like tags and labels, and it sounds like you do...have you asked a physician about it? This sounds like straight-up sensory issues (which I believe are often but by no means always a symptom of autism or anxiety but I am not a doctor) and it probably has nothing to do with MBTI. Like I don't think you're uncomfortable because this is outside of what you are used to, I think you've just got some kind of tactile hypersensitivity.

With that in mind I don't know what your type is although the rambling nature of this ask makes high Ne seem pretty reasonable.

[echo-bleu]

Hi Echo! First off, I want to say I always love seeing you on my dash, especially your writing! It's always amazing!

I wanted to get your thoughts on something relating to autism. I've thought on off for a few years that autism might explain some of the things I experience (my decade long obsession with shadowhunters, why my tone of voice doesnt always match my intent/the words, rocking/flapping hands/curled toes, sensory things). I found that list you posted a while ago about women and autism, and I have to say, I related to a fair amount of it.

But I feel like there's a huge caveat to this explanation/relatability, and it's the social aspects. I do identify as an introvert, but I don't usually struggle in social situations. I can "read the room" usually and know how to act in professional situations, etc. Sometimes I don't catch jokes and I'm a pretty literal person ie I take things at face value. I know social things are a large part of autism.

I'm just curious if this is something I should persue or if I'm just looking for something that's not there. I know you aren't a medical professional or anything. I guess I just wanted an autistic person's perspective on my experiences.

Obviously, there is absolutely no pressure to answer this at all, and if I am way out of line, please tell me!!! I don't ever want to step on anyone's toes or do anything to hurt someone else. Thank you so much for your time! 💜💜💜💜

Hi Anon! Thank you, I’m really glad that you like my writing 💙

You aren’t out of line and I’m happy to try to answer your question! I don’t have a yes or no for you. Obviously I cannot tell you whether you’re autistic or not, or even if it’s worth pursuing for yourself, but I’ll try to share something of my own experience here. To me, it comes down to a few things:

1) If you feel like you have autistic traits and/or the tools and concepts developed with autistic people in mind are useful to you, even if you don’t know for sure whether you are in fact autistic, you are allowed and I would say encouraged to use them and to interact with the community to find more things that work for you!

2) I would argue that there is no specific trait that is common to all autistics. Moreover, traits can present as the exact opposite in two people and still be signs of autism in both cases. Autism is poorly defined, to be honest, and it’s hard to say where the limit is, but it’s more about a convergence of traits than a list of symptoms that every autistic person has. The diversity in our community is astounding and possibly even greater than among neurotypical people. So it is entirely possible to be autistic and struggle little with social stuff/communication. In my own case, though I do struggle with certain specific aspects of the social game, my sensory issues and executive dysfunction are much more of a disability in my life. Which brings me to the third point:

3) Most traits don’t look like you probably think they do. I used to look at lists of symptoms and feel like barely any of them applied to me. I would see “stereotypical and repetitive behaviors” and be like “I don’t always do things at the same hours and I don’t rock back and forth”, so this can’t possibly apply to me. Except that later, I stumbled upon a fanfiction with own voices autistic character that had them talk about stimming and stimtoys, and I looked up the word. Turns out that sucking your thumb is a stim. That listening to a song on repeat is a stim. That doodling is a stim. That sitting on your legs is a stim. Turns out that doing small things in the same order is a kind of routine, and it’s doesn’t have to be at the same time of the day. Would you have called that “stereotypical and repetitive behaviors”? I do all those things, and many more.

Stimming was the obvious example here, and it happened to be the place where I started my journey (or that part of it). I had been curious about neurodivergence (without knowing the word for it) and autism for a decade before that, but I had never stumbled upon, you know, actual autistic people describing their experience in a way I could relate to. And when you look at list of traits, at psychologists’ accounts, even at published biographies, you have to know what to look for. I developed a specific interest about autism and learned to read between the lines but it’s impossible to do that when you don’t already know. And even today, I still have frequent eureka moments of “oh, that’s why I do this.”

So on the social side, it may look different than what you’re thinking of. I have no problem with metaphors, and generally not with sarcasm or jokes. I can “read the room” as you said, for the most part. I’ve been talking at conferences and mingling at coffee breaks and having meetings with colleagues for years, and none of them ever thought I was autistic. I may have a hard time approaching someone to make small talk, but not that much more than colleagues my age. I don’t go out a lot and I don’t make friends super easily, but I do (well, did) go out for drinks with colleagues or friends. So I didn’t think I had a real issue there, beside being very introverted and a little shy. Except that I was tired. I’d come back from having drinks and would go straight to bed. I’d come back from a three days conference and get sick for a week. I burned out fast and brutally. I rarely make eye contact, but I tend to look at people’s mouths, so no one noticed. Mostly I didn’t know that I struggled with things until I read other autistic people’s experiences. And moreover, I didn’t know how exhausting it is for me to communicate with neurotypical people, even if I appear, even to myself, to do it fairly naturally, until I stood in a room full of autistic people for five hours and felt rested at the end of it.

That’s because some of us, me included, learned to mask at such an early age, and in such an organic way, that we don’t even realize that we do it at all. At least not until we burn out so badly that we’re forced to face it, or until we luck out and stumble upon the testimonies of other autistic people and recognize ourselves there. So if that’s your case, if you read blogs and texts and watch videos by autistic people and you recognize something, then I would say it’s always worth investigating. Maybe you’re autistic, maybe you’re neurodivergent in another way, maybe you’re not, but knowing yourself is always going to benefit you, and so is knowing about the diversity of brains and people that exist.

[iconsumeheadcanons]

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

P5

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

P4

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

P3

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same