#we make loads and loads of them in the months leading up to christmas

[pierog]

Hey! I have to ask because you seem like a good resource, I have never had a PIEROGI before, and want to know if you have any good recipes for them?

PIEROGI RECIPE from my babcia

ingredients: 10 medium sized potatoes 250g curd cheese, or a mix of ricotta and cream cheese 1 large onion salt and pepper sour cream, butter, & bacon to serve

and, for the dough: 4 cups white plain flour approx 1 cup of water tablespoon of olive oil (or you can buy round dumpling sheets from asian supermarket if lazy)

TO MAKE

peel, cut and boil potates until cooked

chop your onion finely and caramelise it in a bit of oil.. don't let em burn or they'll taste bitter

mash your potates and cheese. add the onion, salt and pepper, and mix very well. cover with glad wrap and set aside

in a mixing bowl add your flour and salt to taste. start adding the water or oil until you have a dough you can roll out very thinly

put a large pot full of water to boil, add one tsp of salt & a glug of cooking oil to stop the sticking

knead your dough a few times til it becomes elastic and easy to work with

lightly flour your work surface and, with a rolling pin, roll the dough as thin as possible, like 1-2mm. the thinner you can do this the yummier the final result, but work within your comfort zone, as you don't want the pierogi to split when boiling

use a glass to cut circles out of the dough

placing the circle of dough in the palm of your hand, stretch slightly and add a heaped teaspoon or more of the potato/cheese mixture. yummy!

stretch the dough around the mixture to seal into a dumpling, and place them on a floured plate

when you're ready, boil your pierogi about 5 or 6 at a time, making sure they don't stick to each other or the pan. boil til they float to the surface.

pull them out with a slotted spoon and lay them on a draining board to cool congrats! you have make delicious pierogi ruskie. you can eat them straight away, but i loooove to fry them all crispy in oil and butter... i hope this brings you so much love and dumpling

[brundark100]

The Gift of Staying

The cold winter air nipped at Keith’s face as he sat by the window in Shiro’s apartment. Snow had begun to fall, blanketing the scenery in powdery white. The heat of the fire barely filled the room, leaving spots of it cold and bitter. Despite only being 14, Keith was familiar with that.

Keith was never a fan of Christmas. It seemed like it only served to remind him of what he didn’t have. A family. A real home. The days leading up to it were only filled with dread and heaviness. Sure, Shiro tried. Shiro always tried. But it didn’t change how alone and angry he felt.

“Hey, Keith?” Shiro’s voice broke through the silence. Keith glanced up to see him standing in the doorway, a warm smile on his face. Shiro had been getting in the holiday spirit all month long, and had been trying (and failing) to get Keith in on it too. Decorating, baking, sitting by the fire, anything to try and cheer the kid up. But everything felt foreign, pointless.

“What?” Keith mumbles, looking back out of the window at the falling snow.

Shiro sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Listen…I know that this time of year is hard for you, so I was doing some thinking and…what if we make a tradition? It doesn’t have to be anything big, just something small, just for the two of us.”

Keith shrugs indifferently. “I don’t need a stupid tradition.” In a way, Keith pitied Shiro. He should be out there living his own life, not taking care of a kid. Shiro was barely an adult himself.

Silence hung in the air. Shiro moves closer, crouching next to Keith. “I know you’ve been through a lot…more than any kid should. But you have to remember, you’re not alone Keith. Not while I’m around.”

Keith felt a tightness in his chest at Shiro’s words. He hated this. He hated how much Shiro tried, hated how much he wanted things to work, but also hated how angry and broken he felt. “I’m fine.” Keith snaps, his eyes burning, threatening to fill with tears if he wasn’t careful. “Stop acting like you can fix my life, you can’t.”

Shiro didn’t move away. “I know I can’t. I’m not trying to. I’m just trying to be here for you.”

Keith didn’t respond. He just sat there with clenched fists, staring at the floor.

“I don’t need you.” He finally responds quietly, more to himself than to Shiro. “You’re just going to leave. Everyone does.”

Shiro gently places a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “I’m not leaving.”

Keith stiffened, the silence between them only growing with each passing second.

After a few seconds, Shiro stands up and grabs something small off the coffee table. A small gift, wrapped in mismatched paper, and taped awkwardly. Shiro had struggled with the wrapping, but he had done it himself. He places it in front of Keith.

“It’s not much, I know,” Shiro says gently. “But I wanted to give you something anyways. You don’t have to open it right now but…it’s here when you want to.”

Keith looks down at the gift, then back up at Shiro, who was looking down at him with patient eyes.

Keith hesitantly reaches out, grabbing the gift from Shiro. Normally, Keith didn’t care about gifts, but something about this felt different. Something about this mattered.

With shaking hands, Keith tears away the gift paper, revealing a small, framed photograph. It was a picture of the two, taken not long after Shiro took him in. Keith was frowning in the photo, his arms crossed, but Shiro was smiling, his arm draped over Keith’s shoulder.

“Listen, I know it’s not perfect,” Shiro nervously adds. “But I thought you’d like it. A reminder that we’re in this together. No matter what.”

Keith stares at the photo. He hadn’t realized just how much he needed this. How much he needed someone to care about him. How much he needed someone to stay. All of his anger and bitterness, while not completely gone, felt like a lighter load to bear.

Shiro watches him for a second before smiling, reaching down to ruffle Keith’s hair.

Keith swallows hard, his eyes pricking. For the first time in a long time, he allowed himself to feel something other than his anger. Hope.

“I…thanks,” Keith says, his voice at a whisper.

Shiro gave him a warm, patient smile. “Merry Christmas, Keith.”

Keith looked down at the photo, his heart feeling something he hadn’t felt in a long time, feeling less alone. “Merry Christmas…Shiro.”

For the first time in years, Christmas didn’t feel quite as cold.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for how my last relationship ended?

So this was a while ago, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I (then 26nb) dated someone (then 25nb) from February 2021 to December 2021, my longest relationship as an adult. Throughout which we talked a lot about the value of open and honest conversation. I thought we didn’t have any issues because I didn’t, and they never brought any up with me.

Cut to December. We went to a cosplay con together in a couple’s cosplay, they went on a trip with their friends, then we didn’t see each other again until Christmas. The week after Christmas, we had a movie date at my place, and they told me some reason they needed to move their things out that night, so I helped load up their car. I fell asleep thinking everything was fine, and woke up to a break up text about how they weren’t ready for a relationship and how it was a them not me problem. Of course I was blocked on every social media site already.

Then I found out through a friend who was not blocked from their tiktok account that on their trip with friends, they had “fake proposed” to one of their friends and posted it on facebook where their family promptly congratulated them. As they had never let me meet any of their family in the 10 months we were together, just that they were dating “a girl.” So I thought that was it, they were emotionally cheating on me and decided to end things in a cowardly way.

Soon after the first video was posted, a second one was. About how I was toxic (which I may have been because the couple’s cosplay was my idea and took up a lot of both of our time leading up to the con, but they had seemed just as excited about it as me at the time) and how I “purposefully made them feel bad about being fat.” (They were a bit larger than me.) Which, if I did, was never purposeful, and again, I never knew anything made them feel bad about themselves because they didn’t communicate it despite both of our professed preference for open communication about things like that. In the video, they cited a joke I made about a month before the breakup, which I thought in the moment was at my own expense as I tended to eat more than them at any meal. They would typically have half a meal left over while I usually had seconds and/or dessert. I said something to the effect of “I’m the pig in the relationship, but no asshole would tell me to eat less.” Which yes, may not have been the best joke to make, but I definitely wasn’t setting out to hurt anyone with it. Again, I thought I was the butt of it, and they never brought up how it made them feel since then.

Now, I am glad I’m out of the relationship, don’t get me wrong, I’ve spent a good time trying to better myself and my habits, but I still keep coming back to the joke they cited in their tiktok and if other people would consider me the asshole for having said it. So tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[dollarbin]

Dollar Bin 52:

The Band's Moondog Matinee

Ah, The Covers Record: it's every singer-songwriter's supposed flag of surrender.

As with most things in the Dollar Bin, Dylan charted the course. Despite decades of explanation, reconsideration and defense, Dylan's first covers record, Self Portrait, remains, by and large, a smoldering load of crap, with Bob's version of The Boxer serving as the living embodiment of how not to make art.

(Well, I wrote that assessment above and then proceeded to kinda enjoy Bob's trainwreck of a performance.... But back to my point!)

Self Portrait's disaster hasn't stopped just about everyone from making a cover record of their own. Valerie June and Lucy Dacus both used Covid as an excuse to issue theirs; Tori Amos, Neil Young, Paul McCartney, John Lennon, Steve Earle and Bruce Springsteen made theirs the moment they ran out of good ideas.

Willie Nelson must have over 75 cover records to his name at this point. And Lucinda Williams seems determined to follow his lead; her new Beatles record is her sixth or seventh covers collection from the last few years; some of that output sounds like karaoke; some sounds pretty damn good:

And Dylan himself has made 6 cover records already this century (Triplicate is exactly what it claims to be: three albums worth of dull songs you never needed to hear him sing); indeed, it's high time I tormented my family by dialing up his fantastically wacky Christmas in the Heart.

Joni Mitchell, Richard Thompson and Paul Simon are Dollar Bin artists who can proudly claim they've never made a cover record; all of them, however, would be lying to say so: they all covered themselves through late-career records dedicated to rerecordings of their own damn songs.

Suffice it to say that if we want to hear great covers of classic tunes we do not turn to singer-songwriters; rather we turn to the world's most beautiful singers and musicians: Aretha Franklin, Nina Simone, John Cale, Linda Ronstadt, Emmylou Harris and, of course, Chan Marshal.

And so it was without much enthusiasm that I plucked The Band's Moondog Matinee out of a Dollar Bin 22 years ago. Rick, Levon, Garth, Richard and Robbie were all great songwriters at one point but beauty was never really their thing. I mean, come on, let's compare them to Chan Marshall:

It's like comparing me and my buddies (sorry guys) to Helen of Troy.

I was in a fun phase of my life when I discovered Moondog Matinee: my first career as a social worker was winding down, I had a short commute, my wife was selflessly doing the real work at home with our one year old and, after a decade of largely buying CD's, I had just sworn them off forever and set my record player back up.

And so, once or twice a month, I'd spend an hour or so tunneling through my local dollar bin, hunting up treasures and making discoveries: who knew Cat Stevens even had a record called Numbers? Turns out Band on the Run is a killer album... LA Express was not worthy of a record deal... And Linda Ronstadt is the Dollar Bin's Great Living Artist.

I remember asking my famous brother about Moondog Matinee before dropping the needle on it for the first time. He was already getting big on the internet: just out of college, he wrote at a torrid pace for a long dead music site called Junk Media; the kid had already interviewed Robyn Hitchcock and recorded an EP of his own music. Why are we reading Pitchfork and listening to The Decemberists today instead? I've got no idea.

Anyway, Moondog Matinee, my famous brother informed me, marked The Band's demise: by 1973 writers block had set in for Robbie Robertson, Garth Hudson was already old and done, and the rest of the band were just too stoned to rock. I nodded at him sagely; I'd always kinda hated Cahoots so how could the group's follow up cover record be any good?

Well folks, that was a hell of a long time ago, an era in which my famous brother was actually capable of musical malfeasance. Moondog Matinee does not mark The Band's demise. Indeed, I hereby proclaim it to be The Dollar Bin's Greatest Covers Record.

Just listen to the ringing, jubilant and razor sharp groove set on the record's opening track.

I remember standing in our first little rented home the first time I dropped the needle on this thing. Our one year old was crawling about at my feet, tasting all her toys. My wife definitely was not around. The track's piano began to pound; the whole thing wound up tighter and tighter and then unfurled like a hilarious tornado: cows, tanker trucks and automobiles cycled within it. And then Levon Helm started his patented vocal version of hillbilly bellydancing.

I stood there listening, instantly transfixed. Then I turned the song way up, far too loud for one year old ears. But my sweet little girl rocked about a bit anyway, climbing my leg to shake her diapered hips. Then she grinned at me, clapped her chubby hands and crapped her pants. It was awesome.

If you're going to make a covers record there is no excuse for picking a bad song or striking a dull note. And all of Matinee's Side 1 is a master class in care, pace and arrangement. Holy Cow warbles and shimmies; Mystery Train brings the white funk; and the theme from Third Man is suitably bizarre: it has no business whatsoever appearing on this record and so we love it.

And in the midst of it all, Share Your Love, with its clean guitar lead and its surging sway, makes a case for poor, lost, Richard Manuel as the greatest white male singer of his generation.

Side 2 offers more of the same, with Manuel and Helm trading lead vocals back and forth, fantastic piano and ramshackle drums throughout. Indeed the only real misstep may be The Band's attempt at a song that was already perfect to begin with:

After all, Rick Danko, well, let's make that no one, can hold a candle to Sam Cooke.

[la-galaxie-langblr]

Inspired by @ben-learns-smth and his seemingly endless gratitude and zest for life: Good Things That Happened Lately (ie I need to notice good things that happen in life and a deeply sucky few days leading up to the start of exams seems like a good place to start) (edit: I had so many things I put them under a read more, a very good sign :D)

Playing stardew valley with a friend before they went back to uni

I saw my first ice hockey game with friends and we got hot chocolate and donuts afterwards

Becoming more aware of the need to take care of my body

Difficult but important and productive discussions with friends

Saw some gorgeous sunsets while out on walks

Trip planning!! The first 6 months of this year will be so packed but it's an investment in memories :)

Submitting an essay after loads of hard work that I'm pretty proud of!!

Eating mini eggs for the first time this year <333

Discord calls

I decorated my 2024 planner with loads of fun stickers and I love it :D

5 hour video call with my beloved squad

Reunion hugs with a uni friend and a spontaneous cinema trip to see The Boy and the Heron with said friend

^on that outing I also ate my first Gregg's sausage roll, they only had the vegan ones left but it was the nicest sausage roll I've ever had

Finding postcards in the post from friends that have been there since Christmas

Uni friend hangout: Glee, deep chats and wheezing over multilingual hangman at 4am edition

I realised that my uni show choir isn't actually audition only so I'm going to join it in the new semester :D

The hard but necessary habit of watching YouTube in French again, my comprehension on one video wasn't as bad as I thought and I found a few channels I like

Finally feeling inspired to cook fun meals again (I have yet to act on this cus I need groceries but Soon!!)

Seeing some more uni friends at an event

Said event had a guy talking about frogs and I had the time of my life

Ripe kiwis and buying the nice apples (Pink Lady supremacy)

Fizz' album The Secret To Life, wild to think I'm seeing them live in a couple weeks!!

Chocolate biscuits <333

I went on a lovely winter walk in the local park today, the lake was completely frozen and there were so many geese!!

And finally: I made an excellent salad for dinner, who knew that actually seasoning your food properly makes it taste good /j

I'm glad I did that, I'm feeling much more upbeat and positive about things!! If I can remember to do this regularly it'll be good for me :)

[myriadxofxmuses]

"You have no idea," he told to just her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and planting a quick kiss to the top of her head.

Gage had more than just like for her. He was falling head over heels in love with her. And everything just seemed to be going so perfectly for them, save for that one, very horrendous night, that a very small nugget of fear constantly itched with worry that he would royally fuck it up somehow and lose her.

Gage wasn't the most stable when it came to life in general, but especially when it came to women and relationships. But for Molly he was willing to try and change that, wanting everything to be perfect. Which is why he hadn't fully let her in on the secret that was his love - the fear that he might scare her away far too great to overcome just yet.

"So how was your flight?" he asked his sister and mom as they walked.

"Short but amazing," Celeste replied with genuine content.

"They were nice seats sweetie, but you really didn't need to fly us first class," his mother added. "Economy would have been fine."

"Speak for yourself," his sister joked. Sort of.

"Consider it an early Christmas gift," he lied to ease his mom's unnecessary frugalness.

"Whatever you say honey," she agreed reluctantly with a soft smile.

This time Gage ignored to requests from fans and paparazzi, making his way straight to the baggage claim with Molly and his family. They grabbed their bags, loaded up his car, and the group was on their way back to his home.

-----

"So, how're you liking the life of luxury?" Celeste asked Molly as they stood in the entryway of Gage's home as her brother hauled in the bags. "Gage spoiling you yet?" she asked with a smirk.

Her little brother was always ahead of himself with his girlfriends. She was worried this was yet another relationship he'd put more emphasis on than necessary. Molly was an assistant after all. Not exactly the most lucrative position in the entertainment industry. And even though Gage made it crystal clear she was different, Celeste couldn't help but worry he was being taken advantage of.

Her eyes took in his home, always amazed at just how luxurious he lived. Her gaze fell to an entryway table and the catchall full of keys, sobriety coins, and disappointingly bottle caps from Gage's choice beer. Her heart sank with the possibility he'd relapsed yet again - no matter how well he seemed to hide it.

"You know Gage talks about you a lot," she continued as they made their way further into the house. "More than any girlfriend before and I gotta admit that worries me. He may have seem like he's got it together, but underneath all that no fucks given persona is a soft heart that breaks easily," she explained further. "And he seems to be very taken with you, so be careful with it," she warned gently.

"How about some drinks?" Gage cut in happily once he'd dropped their things in their respective rooms.

"You sure that's a good idea?" Celeste asked him.

"Why wouldn't it be?" A furrow of confusion crinkled his brow - although he knew exactly what she was talking about. However his sister wasn't privy to the full details of the night all those months ago. Drinking had been the one thing to calm his sleepless nights and quiet his nightmares. When Molly wasn't there of course.

"It's a fucking celebration. You're all finally meeting. Of course drinks are in order," he replied looking happily Molly's way, blowing off his sister's insinuations. "Come on. We have anything you could want," he went on, leading them all to the kitchen.

"I'm always interested in a possible fling," Silas told her. "And one out of three ain't bad odds," he added playfully.

Gage didn't hold back the chuckle at his friend's remarks. Silas may play the player well, he knew he was just as soft as Gage when it came to women. Although both men had no trouble picking them up, their status enough pull for any groupie to try and settle down with, but Gage was worse at keeping his attachment in check - usually falling hard and fast.

"Yea?" he asked with surprise.

However he wasn't sure why he was so shocked. Why wouldn't she want to meet his family? He knew there was tension between her and her folks so he never pushed to meet hers, but this was the natural course of a relationship. Even if his life was a little different due to his career choice, he at least believed this was the next step and he couldn't have been more excited to go through with it - which was an unfamiliar yet welcomed feeling.

"Well, they'll be in town Friday," he told her. "Wanna come with me to pick then up fron the airport. I know my sister s'been dying to meet you," he told her happily.

------

Gage and Molly made their way through the airport to pick up his mom and sister, their flight recently delayed. His nervousness was overwhelmed by his excitement and he was barely able to contain himself. He didn't care how long he had to wait. His family was finally going to meet Molly.

He linked their hands together as they walked, only letting his grip slip from hers when some fans stopped him for autographs. He switched hands and did his best to quickly take photos and sign whatever was shoved his way - all while keeping hold of her and continuing on to their destination.

"You're gonna love them," he told Molly in her ear, hugging her from behind once they made it to the terminal.

He watched as the passengers deboarded, his excitement growing almost overwhelmingly - enough that he cared little for the paparazzi snapping photos of all the celebrities coming and going at LAX. He and Molly included. But he didn't care. He'd never brought anyone home to meet the family before, even if they weren't technically home, so this was huge for him. And it wasn't until Celeste's voice rang out that he let his grip around Molly slip away.

"Rage Gage!" Celeste shouted out, the siblings crashing into a hug.

Gage hugged her tightly and lifted her off the ground with a small growl of joy. It had been over a year since he'd been able to reunite with them and he missed his family so much. His sister was followed shortly by his mother, who he gave just as enthusiastic of a hug though quite a bit less aggressively.

"Mom. Cell. This, is Molly," he introduced as he brought them over, a smile beaming from ear to ear.

"So you're Molly. The one who's been dominating our conversations," Celeste said, giving her a once over with a smirk. "My brother won't shit the fuck up about you," she added honestly with playfulness.

"It's so nice to meet you finally," his mom chimed in pulling Molly in for a hug. "Don't mind Celeste," she added as they parted. "She's just protective of her brother and hasn't seen him this smitten before."

Gage nervously chuckled and ran a hand over the back of his neck in a feeble attempt to work through the embarrassment his family was now forcing upon him. Molly was special to him, but they were just airing it out as if it was public knowledge.

"O-kay," he cut in, going back to grab Molly's hand. "Now that you've both thoroughly embarrassed me..." he said with another chuckle, desperately wanting to move on. "...let's go get your bags and head back to my place. We don't want to give the paps anymore fuel for gossip than what they already have," he added.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Some financial advice that may be actually helpful

Based on one of y'all (sorry, I'm lazy, I'm not scrolling back) mentioning the terrible advice of "Make six figures."

Like, bitch. I'm TRYING.

But, let's say you live in a shocking world where you don't pull six figures out your bosses's ass every year. How can you make small financial changes that can lead to larger financial security?

These are all utterly subjective and based on things I've either actually done or just observed. I'm gonna try to skip over shit like, "shop for clothes second hand!" because shit like that can require a HUGE time commitment, and it's not even always worth it.

Anyway:

If your grocery store has a free rewards program (you put in your phone number or email address), get that set up. Yes, it will track what you purchase. But it also means when you get coupons in the mail, they're for things you actually buy. In our two-person household, we can save anywhere from 0-15 bucks a week depending on how coupons land.

If you can get a grocery card with fuel points (Fred Meyer and Safeway do it here in the PNW), you can save LOADS on gas. A dollar a gallon easily.

Also do any pet store reward programs that might be available. As the Bean does not require a great deal all the time, her rewards build up slowly, but every few months, we get enough points to get ten or twenty bucks off a purchase.

Do NOT buy in bulk if you're not gonna eat in bulk. Five pounds of rice is great if you eat rice regularly, but if you only have it every now and again, smaller portions of boxed rice are likely a better option. The same is true for any dried foods. Yeah, it's shelf stable, but it takes up more of the shelf. That could hold the stuff you actually eat steadily.

Frozen fruits/veggies are as healthy as fresh. And they'll stay ready to eat a lot longer. Consider that with how you eat and how much you eat a certain vegetable. It may be better worth your money to have three bags of frozen broccoli in your freezer than to keep buying fresh broccoli you forget to use in time.

If you're looking at a generic that says "Compare to BRAND NAME." It's the same formula. That's why they can say that. The reason it's cheaper is because the copyright or trademark costs money. Take that off, and boom. Cheaper cost for the same stuff.

If you have a car, know the way you drive it and how that can affect it. For example, if you do a lot of city driving, your transmission and (if applicable) stick shift are gonna wear down faster than you might expect. It's not always mileage. It's starting and stopping. However, if you drive long distances without stopping a lot (rural areas), your higher mileage car may not need any work on those things. Get your oil changed and your tires checked, and know what to look out for in terms of the kind of car you have and the driving you do. For example, we have less than 100k miles on our 15-year-old car, but we've mainly used it for city driving. We had to get the clutch re-built a few years ago, and last year we had to get the transmission goos updated because they'd run dry. These aren't surprising needs for a city-driven stick shift that's over ten years old.

There's a schedule to big shit going on sale in the US. Mattresses are a big thing around Memorial Day for some reason (Support the Fallen Troops by...fucking???). Electronics go big on sale before school starts and on Black Friday. Memorial Day is also big for cars, as is the 4th of July. If you hand make anything, certain colors of stuff go on sale before major holidays. Orange and black before Halloween. Red, green, and white before Christmas. Pastels before Easter. Etc.

Consider how much use a product will get before you decide you can or can't spend a little extra on it. Do 300-count sheets do the job? Yes. But speaking from recent experience, the 1500-count sheets feel so much nicer, which makes sleeping so much nicer, and I use them literally every single night, so the initial investment works out to basically the same even if I'd gotten cheaper sheets.

But also, stuff like sheets and comforters and stuff go on sale at various times! And your bed ain't gonna go through a growth spurt! Keep an eye out for those deals and scoop up the super soft stuff at a discount if you can!

And lastly on this main list, a very very important thing coming from a former poor kid: Fucking treat yourself. You know how much money you have. You know how much money you need. Maybe it's not hard to treat yourself because you're financially solvent, and in that case, this advice isn't for you. It's for those of us who have struggled to deviate at all from our list of NEEDS to give ourself even a very small WANT because WHAT IF I NEED FIVE BUCKS IN TWO DAYS. I get it. I do. To my bones. And I say fucking treat yourself, and if in two days, you suddenly need five bucks, do NOT feel bad that you got yourself a little something. You can't see into the future, and catastrophizing is so bad for you. Trust me. I know. Just. Remember, in all of this, give yourself a little focused care, okay?

All of that being said, a few more general points:

Dish soap is made to break up grease and oil, and it's commonly antibacterial. This makes it fucking perfect for cleaning your shower (covered in your greases and oils) and your bathroom in general (same reason). I don't recommend it for your toilet, but that's a personal preference based on zero research. The point is, most of your bathroom can be cleaned with dish soap. Get all your stuff off your counters. Make a thin layer with the dish soap. Let it sit for five to ten minutes. Scrub. Bonus: You can breathe the whole time.

Vinegar kills germs. Like, lab-tested kills germs. You can clean your kitchen with Vinegar and Borax (odor-reducer), and it costs a fraction of buying the kitchen-branded cleaners.

Borax is also great as an addition to laundry soap for odor-reducing reasons. So, even the cheap laundry soap is more effective with Borax.

"But Gayle, you can make your own laundry soap if you--" Yes, I know. And it's cool you know that. But it takes TIME to make laundry soap, and time is the only thing less reliable than money when it comes down to it.

Look up "No Buying" options in your area. This is usually a Facebook group or maybe a subreddit. The goal is that no one in the group wants to buy or sell anything. They just have stuff they want to get out of their house. It's not a 24/7 goldmine, but it's a once-a-day scroll through that could lead you to a pricey item for free!

If you have stuff that says "handwash," and you think, "Okay, I want to, but that's a whole new task." Nah. Just take a shower and bring it with! Hell, wear it in if you have to. I do this a LOT. Use the water and your soap (which, as it's likely a body wash or soap, will break down those skin oils and such) and give it a good washing while you stand there. Then, squeeze out the excess water and toss that thing over the shower rod. If you have a drying rack, use it. But if you don't, just leave it where it is and leave the fan going. It'll take care of itself. Just double check the label to know if hot water is a bad idea and if you need to lay flat or hang dry. If you need to lay flat, super squeeze the water out and lay it flat wherever you can.

And, lastly for this long post: If you need the expensive shit, buy the expensive shit. I have celiac and MCAS. My bread is five bucks a loaf. Peanut Butter fucks up my histamines. Almond fucks up my histamines. I need five dollar bread and fucking cashew butter to make a fucking sandwich. But the other option is getting sick from putting stuff in my body my body will fight against, and trust me, those urgent care visits stack up.

[fictionalwhores]

Dating Sirius Black would include...

-The most important thing to know when dating Sirius Black is you may be his partner/girlfriend/boyfriend whatever, but James Potter is through and through his husband 

-him rocking a bun better than you can 

-”Sirius no” “Sirius yes” is a very common occurrence

-he likes to make it clear that you’re his, he always has his hand on your thigh if you’re sitting or his arm around your shoulder if you’re standing next to each other 

-Sirius is larger than life, he walks into the room and catches everyone else’s attention, but every time you’re the only one that catches his 

-He takes the “puppy dog eyes” seriously when it comes to getting what he wants 

-He will beg for kisses when it’s time for you to leave to try and distract you to stay longer 

“No, c’mon, one more, please?” 

“I really have to go…” 

“My lips miss you” 

“I just gave you a kiss”

“We didn’t savor it, gimme one more and I promise I’ll let you go” 

-He loves winking at you from across the room to make you blush 

-whether its at a party or during class, he is always gonna flash that Sirius Black grin

-Sirius being larger than life also means his emotions are too, that boy feels so much which often leads to him getting super protective, loving harder than anyone else and arguments that go 0-100 real quick 

-I don’t think he necessarily yells but he gets super defensive and quick to snap (results from the household he was brought up in which you have to later work through with him that it’s not you and him against each other its you two against the issue) 

-As much as he bashes his family and tries his best to piss them off, he struggles when it comes to actually talking about what all happens behind closed doors in that house 

-He’s usually so confident and cocky and full of energy, but when he comes back from his house after Christmas or summer break, it always takes him a few days to get back to that persona 

-Once he starts staying at the Potters its no big deal, but before he gets insecure and needs more reassurances when back to school. Not that he would let anyone else but you and the marauders know that  

-Eventually, he would open up about the cruel things that they did though 

-The rest of the marauders love you, but they wouldn’t really count you as a part of them at first because Sirius has had his history of sleeping around. After its been a few months they realize Sirius is serious (haha) about you and start to ask you to tag along more 

-He is so smart, but uses none of it for his schooling, you’d have to convince him to do homework and study 

-and by doing this would be promising a kiss each time he finishes a part of his homework load 

-Sitting with him down by the lake when he wants some peace and quiet away from the rest of the marauders 

-during any party, no matter what song, you can bet your ass he’s gonna be ontop of the tables singing it just for you (and maybe james)  

-he is the type of person that has way too much faith in his towel holding together after he gets out of the shower and seeing his body makes you blush and he LIVES for it 

-Sirius would so call you his queen/king

-Whenever you’re upset, he is always able to distract you from what’s happening 

-Him using french in bed… lord have mercy

[billyhargrovesslut]

Freaky Love

Willing Eddie Munson x yandere reader

Prt 1. Prt 2

Summary: it's been afew months and eddie has been amazing and willing anything to please the girl he loves.

Warning: kitchen sex, breeding talk, orgasim denial

Yn pov

Eddie couldn't be more amazing it's been a few weeks since I let him out the basement and he doesn't go anywhere near the front door and only leaves the house when I'm with him out the back so he can get some fresh air, I'm so glad that I fell in love with him

I hummed swaying my hips to the rhythm of the tones softly playing from my phone I was making eddie a nice breakfast as a present for being so good I knew what he like but I just wanted to make sure he enjoyed it so I made a bit of everything French toast, pancakes, bacon and fruit salad and even had his favorite cereal on the side

"Done" I breathed out a side of relief setting the last plate onto the counter I bit my lip as I made my way to my bedroom where he was sleeping and silently creeped into the room I stared at him the morning sun peaked through the curtains the light streaming onto his shirtless body the duvets were pulled back exposing his upper body and little bit of his boxers he wore to bed

I slowly walked to the bed and climbed onto it silently crawling to him "wakey wakey" I murmured sitting on you of him but he wasn't even fazed "eddie" I said poking his cheek but still nothing "eddie eddie eddie eddie" I repeated shaking him awake "I'm up I'm up" he murmured grabbing my hands "finally" I grinned

He gave me a sheepish smile before bringing me down to him "why did you wake me up" he whined hugging me closely "well I have a surprise well two actually" I giggled as he turned us around so he was at the top "what is it" he asked sitting up excitedly like a child on christmas day "come on" I nodded towards the door making him scrambled off of me and help me up

He was giddy as I lead him to the kitchen "surprise" I smiled stepping aside showing of the banquet breakfast I made him "babe wow" his mouth hung open as he approached the full counter of food he's eyes scanning everything with delight "I don't know what to say" he murmured his eye flicking between me and the food

"Help yourself" I giggled handing him a plate he quickly started piling stuff up onto his plate "what are you doing" I laughed "I call it a frenchcake" he said making his way over to the table it was made of one piece of french toast at the bottom then bacon then a pancake then a scoop full of fruit salad then another pancake I raised my brow as he drizzled syrup all over the top

I rolled my eyes while smiling at his behavior before grabbing a portion of what I wanted and sat next to him at the table and he was already half done "wow slow down there tiger your gonna get a stomach ache" I laughed taking a bite of my food "you didn't tell me to slow down last night" I choked on my food as he mentioned the night before with a mouth full of food

A dark blush rose to my cheeks as I stared at him "that's different" I murmured he leaned over to me and whispered "yea you taste better" I think I would've fainted if he came any closer the teasing in his voice just made me want to curl up and die, I opened up my mouth to speak but all that came out was a squeak

Flashes of the night before filled my head, the tugging and pulling of eddies hair while his tongue was in between my legs and his hard thrusts into me sending the head board of my bed into the wall

My blush spread all over my face probly making me look like a red tomato "shut up" I murmured and continued to eat my food in silence and when we were done I took both of our plates to the kitchen and slowly started to pack them in the dishwasher I bent over loading up the bottom shelves "dam I like that ass" eddie chuckled I looked at him not amused as he leaned up against the doorframe

I rolled my eyes with a slit smile on my lips as I went back to what I was doing and gasped as I felt eddie grab my hips pressing his bulging crotch against my ass "eddie" I whined pushing myself back into him "oh baby" he grinned bring one of his hands down hard on my ass sending a shudder up my body

I stood up as he pulled me away from the dishwasher and pushed me up against the island his body up against mine his arms trapped me against the counter as he stared at my body up and down "God I just want to fuck you" he growled "then do it" I teased and gasped as he smashed his lips against mine

His hands roughly grabbing and tearing my clothes off "fuck yn" he groaned as he moved his lips from my lips to my neck sucking and nibbling as he slowly took off his own clothes he hoisted me onto the counter as his hands traveled up and down my body "thank you for my lovely gift" he said against my skin

"Now let me show you how great full I am" he murmured slowly sinking down to his knees becoming the same height as my core "eddie" I moaned tilting my head back while still gazing down at him he innocently looked up at me as he moved his head towards my body

He stuck out his tongue licking my slit up and down "fuck" I whined my hand grabbing his hair pushing him more in my pussy "yes just like that baby" he said muffled against my skin as his hands made their way to my thighs grabbing and scratching them as he sucked on my clit

I threw my head back as I started to near my climax my moans went higher "i-im gonna c-cum" I squealed closing my eyes tightly but right before I could cum he pulled away with a mischievous smile causing me to whine and plead for him "nah uh the only way your cumming is on my cock" he grinned evilly gesturing down to his throbbing cock as he stood up

My eyes eagerly watching as he positioned himself infront of my entrance "beg" he growled into my ear making goosebumps to arise over my skin "please eddie" I pleaded moving my head back so I can look at him batting my eyelashes at him in a pleading manner "fuck you look cute" he smirked biting his lip as he grabbed my hips thrusting his throbbing cock inside "fuck" we both moaned

His thrusts were slow and rhythmic as we kissed eachothers lips like it was the last time our lips molding into eachother like two perfect puzzle pieces our lips muffling eachothers moans "eddie" I whined as my hands threaded into his hair slightly tugging with each thrust "faster" I begged his slow movements slowly started driving me insane

He groaned in response and slowly started to speed up his thrusts his cock reaching all the right places while his hands traveled down and started rubbing my clit making my breath hitch, eddie pulled away smiling in triumph "do you like that baby" he said staring at me with hunger

All I could so was moan out response "but wouldn't it better if I breed you" he whispered darkly my eyes widen in surprise but quickly went soft with eagerness I nodded my head eagerly "please" I whined the tight knot feeling started coming back again

"Uh fuck babe are you gonna cum your squeezing me so tightly" eddie panted as he fasten his pace "please" I cried out desperately wanting to cum I leaned back onto the counter moaning out helplessly "ah I get so horny thinking about you, I've been thinking about it for a while now" eddie breathed out

His fingers circled my clit ever so gently, teasing me "all the times I just wanted to bend you over and fuck you senseless and full of my cum" he groaned as his eyes rolled due to the pleasure "are you gonna cum baby" he asked staring down at me "yes" I squealed wrapping my legs around him tightly

We squealed and moaned as we both cam his cum shooting deeply inside me making my eyes roll back at the feel I slowly rose up settling on my elbows as I stared up at him he leaned for staring straight into my eyes before say

"even if it takes forever I'll fucking pound my cum into you till your pregnant".

[archived-junkissed]

it's a wonderful life

day two of junkissed's svt season's greetings event

member — angel!jeonghan x reader genre — fluff, strangers to lovers word count — 2.2k synopsis — how were you to know that a holiday trip to the toy store would lead you not only to a sexy doctor who’s good with kids, but also a real-life angel? warnings — spoiler alert jeonghan is the sexy doctor, mention of alcohol (wine) at the end and reader is implied to be a lil tipsy, one (1) kiss notes — lowercase intended. this is the result of me watching too much "the good doctor" recently gsdkhf. when i first wrote this i wasn't very happy with it but after reading it back i really like it hehe :) hope you enjoy!

one reblog = one heavenly toy store

a bell rings cheerily above your head as you walk into the store.

on the outside, it looks like any other toy store, but the second you open the door you know there’s something special about this place. stepping inside is like stepping into a whole new world. the walls are decorated in colorful murals, shelves, and artwork from kids.

“can i help you find something?” a voice asks.

you turn to see a man wearing an apron, holding a stack of board games under one arm.

“i’m jeonghan,” he smiles. “i own the store.”

you don’t know why, but for some reason you feel the need to introduce yourself. you’ve only just met this man, but you have a sense that he’s… important.

“nice to meet you,” he says, shaking your hand.

you look around. you’ve come in before your shift, so it’s still early; not many people around. “if you own the store… then, who’s angel?” you ask.

“hm? oh!” he laughs. “no, it’s not ‘angel’ like somebody’s name. it’s angel, like, actual angels.”

suddenly the crayon halos on the drawings by the register make a lot more sense. “that’s cute,” you smile. “must bring in a lot of people during christmastime, right?”

“it’s a magical time of year,” he agrees with a wink, “you never know what might happen. so what are you here for? what kind of magic can i get you?”

you pause. “well, i need to get something nice for the little girl i babysit. she’s, um… she’s just gotten out of the hospital,” you say, trying to find the right words to describe the situation. “she’s been through a lot this year.”

your friend’s daughter was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer a year ago, and after months of chemo and many surgeries, she’s finally cancer-free, just in time for the holidays. so of course, this christmas will be extra special, and you can’t disappoint her.

jeonghan nods, lost in thought. “you know, i think she would love this,” he says suddenly, turning down an aisle and waving for you to follow him. “it’s a new item, we haven’t put them out on display yet, but it’d be great for her!”

the way he talks as if he knows the little girl throws you off a little, but you brush it off as him just being passionate about his job.

he pulls out a kit from a large box, clearly waiting to be loaded onto the shelves. it’s a doll set themed like a doctor, complete with little bandages and a stethoscope and everything you could want if you were a child obsessed with

“it’d be perfect for her,” he beams, handing it to you. how he knows it’s perfect, you have no clue, but it does seem like just the thing for her.

“i’ll take it,” you smile, following him to the register.

the next day you’re picking up your morning latte from the coffee shop on your way to work when you spot a familiar head of blond hair waiting at a table near the entrance.

“hey! jeonghan, right?” you ask, and he lifts his head from his book.

his face brightens, and he greets you by your name. “hi, yeah! good morning!”

you motion to the empty seat across from him at the table. “are you waiting for someone?”

“not anymore,” he says, flashing a smile. he slides a colorful bookmark in between the pages of his book, and you notice the scribbled design, clearly made by a child. he sweeps his arm out, motioning for you to sit. “are you rushing off anywhere?”

you pull out the chair and set your bag by your feet. “kind of, but i can spare a few minutes,” you giggle.

you notice his outfit, much more professional than the last time you saw him at the store. “how about you? going somewhere fancy this morning?” you ask with a laugh. “a date, perhaps?”

he laughs. “no, no dates. just work.”

you frown in confusion. “do you– always wear a suit to sell toys? i mean, you look great, but i’m sure the kids don’t care what you wear–”

he laughs at your misunderstanding. “ah, not that work,” he says. “the shop is more of a… side project,” he explains with a chuckle. “the rest of the time i’m a pediatric oncologist. children’s cancer doctor.”

“oh, wow!” your eyes widen. there were a lot of assumptions you’d made about jeonghan in the short time you’d known him, but being a doctor was definitely not one of them. “that’s… wow, that’s impressive. and you run the toy store, too?”

he nods. “the toys in the gift shop at the hospital weren’t very… good for kids,” he says. “so i guess you could say it’s more like a charity thing. every month, i bring a bunch of toys from the store for some of the patients.”

you remember the conversation from yesterday about the gift for your friend’s daughter. you’d called them to make sure it was something she’d enjoy, and it turns out jeonghan couldn’t have been more correct: they said her current dream was to become a doctor, all she’d been doing the last week was scheduling check-ups for stuffed animals and giving flu shots to the family dog.

now, with this new information about the mysterious yet friendly man from the toy store, you can’t help but wonder if he knows your little girl, or maybe even treated her. you make a mental note to ask your friend for the name of their doctor when you see them next, to confirm a suspicion.

“sounds like you’re a busy guy,” you say with a smile.

he shrugs, stirring his latte with a wooden stirrer. “can be tiring sometimes, but it’s good work. i love it, and i love the kids.”

“so you’re a doctor, and you run a charity, and you like kids? what can’t you do?” you grin, taking a sip of your drink.

he laughs, holding up his paper cup. “make coffee.”

“i’m just surprised i haven’t seen you around more often,” you say. “it’s a fairly small town, yet it seems like all of a sudden i’m seeing you everywhere.”

the conversation fizzles out then, and you sit there, taking small sips of your drinks and pretending not to stare at him. he’s got this glow around him, like you can’t take your eyes off him.

you stand and start to turn to walk away, but an instinct makes you stop. like you’re being pulled back to him, like there’s still something you need to say.

you clear your throat. “i, um, i usually get coffee in the mornings before work here. maybe i’ll see you around?”

he looks up, meeting your eyes. “i’m sure i’ll see you again, very soon,” he says with a smile. “but just in case i don’t, here’s my card.”

he hands you a business card, and it seems to shimmer in the light. yoon jeonghan, head angel, it says on one side, with a list of numbers on the back.

he blushes and looks back down at his book, pretending to study the title. “call me if you ever need something. or, uh, just if you want to.”

you grin, shifting your bag higher onto your shoulder and slipping the card into your back pocket. “i’ll do that,” you say with a smile.

the third time you run into jeonghan is in a place you’d least expect an angel to be: the highway.

it’s been a week from hell (metaphorically) at work, and this morning you’d not only forgotten your phone at home, but then your car’s battery died on the way home from your closing shift. you’d just barely been able to make it to the side of the road before it died, forcing you to either wait in your car in the cold, or walk the half mile to the nearest exit to call a tow. you’d opted for the latter.

a shiny white car pulls up next to you, the driver’s side window rolling down to reveal a familiar face. “need some help?”

you look up in shock. “jeonghan? what are you doing here?”

“sweetheart, i should be asking you the same thing,” he laughs. “why are you walking along the highway at eleven o’clock at night?”

“car battery died,” you explain with a sigh.

“i figured,” he says, raising his eyebrows. “now, are you going to let me give you a ride, or not?”

you don’t have to be told twice. your fingers are beginning to freeze, and you would literally rather be anywhere right now than standing on the side of the road waiting for a tow truck.

the heater inside the car is wonderful, and you breathe a sigh of relief, pushing your hands against the vent to feel the warmth.

finally starting to warm up, you glance over at jeonghan, clearly on his way home from work, too. his white dress shirt is pushed up around his elbows, and the first three buttons are hanging undone, revealing pretty pale skin underneath. you have to drag your eyes away from him before you get caught staring at things you shouldn’t.

“doctor work or toy store work today?” you ask for the sake of conversation, even though you already know the answer.

“doctor work,” he confirms with a nod of his head.

“how was it? if-if i’m not prying.”

he pauses. “the usual, i suppose,” he sighs. “good news, bad news, hard decisions.”

he clears his throat. “so where am i dropping you off? house, apartment, boyfriend’s apartment?” he asks hesitantly. “or girlfriend? somebody?”

“just apartment,” you answer with a grin, telling him what you hope he wanted to hear with that question. “it’s just me.”

he looks over at you, his whole face lighting up. the moment is really nice, until you realize, his face is actually lighting up.

“jeonghan! your, um… why is your head glowing?”

his eyes flick back to the road for a second. “no– no reason,” he says, his cheeks turning pink under the light.

you stare at him, dumbfounded.

he sighs. “you don’t believe me.”

you watch his hands, holding tightly to the wheel.

“what’s going on? are you, like, a demon, or something?”

“ouch,” he cringes, glancing over at you. “no, i’m an angel, actually. the halo goes off sometimes when i’m… happy.”

you sit in silence, mouth hanging open as he continues to drive. “well, at least it makes sense now.”

he raises an eyebrow, but his gaze doesn’t move from the road. “so you do believe me.”

“do you wanna stay for dinner?” you ask suddenly. there’s so much you’re dying to know, dying to ask him, dying to figure out what the hell is happening.

the car is dead silent for a few seconds, and you’re starting to think you’ve imagined this whole thing and you’re actually still back in your freezing car, dying of hypothermia. until jeonghan finally speaks, and you know you’re in for an interesting night.

“you like takeout?”

a pepperoni pizza, one bottle of wine, and many, many questions later, you’re laying on your couch, trying to process everything that just happened.

an actual, real-life angel is sitting on the floor of your living room, and not only is he a doctor, and he’s great with kids, but he’s also unfairly hot. and maybe it’s the wine talking and you’re more than a little tipsy, but all of a sudden you really, really want to kiss him.

“jeonghan?” you sit up, reaching out for his hand. “are you allowed to kiss me?” you whisper.

he looks up at you, his eyes searching yours. “if you want me to,” he whispers back.

“you won’t get in trouble with the angel people? or, like, god?”

he chuckles and stands up, moving closer to you. “i might. but it’d be worth it, for you.”

and then his hand is on the back of your neck, pulling you gently towards him, and suddenly you’re kissing him. his lips taste like clouds (what the hell do clouds even taste like?) and his touch is softer than anything you’ve ever felt, the tips of his fingers gently grasping onto your jaw and he leans into you.

you pull away after a while and sigh, the fog in your head beginning to clear.

he’s sitting next to you, watching you in what you can only describe as anxiousness.

“why me?” you ask quietly. “i know you did it on purpose, meeting me all those times. but why?”

he laughs softly and reaches out to touch your cheek, thumb tracing your cheekbone. “i don’t know why. but i’m drawn to you.” he tilts his head to look at you. “i think… i really like you.”

he pauses, bringing your hand up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to your fingers. “i’ll take you on a real date, yeah?” he says. “somewhere nice.”

“it’s a miracle,” you nod, giggling. “i found an angel.”

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[wizkiddx]

hiii could you do one of tom asking your dad to marry you?? thankuuuuu

okay so I don't believe in boys having to ask the dads, because we are strong independent QUEENS and no man owns me ever, but I hope this is still okay <33

not proof read and written super quick so sorry!

summary: Tom's terrified to ask your dad a very particular question question

///////////////////////////////////////////////

“Mr Y/l/n” Tom called your dads attention from the dishwasher he was loading up. The holidays spent at your parents meant a lot of good things- but mainly food. So much so the dishwasher was almost continually on, just so you didn’t run out of crockery.

“Its Y/d/n Tom, we’ve been through this.” He was joking but with your Dad - Tom could never really tell. At heart your dad was an absolute softie, except no one really saw that except your mum and you. Always a daddies girl, Tom knew how much your dad had meant to you. He had guessed before he’d met you parents , that he would be protective.

And that he was, never frontally rude or cruel. It was more subtle - though to Tom it was very damn clear, he had his doubts. As a people pleaser, Tom didn’t like the fact he didn’t like him. Time and time again, he’d tried to prove just how much you meant to him and yet it seemed to fall on deaf ears. So three years down the line, it was safe to say he was bloody terrified. Heart-in-mouth sort of event. Tom did a lot of ‘terrifying things’: talking to massive studio heads; going on stage with thousands of people screaming; jumping out a plane even.

But no, a single conversation with your dad had his adrenaline going like nobodies business. Asking to marry you.

“You going to just stand their gawking? I hope the moviestar doesn’t make my Y/n do all the housework?”

“No sir I-of course I don’t” Stammering his way through with wide eyes, Tom practically leapt across the kitchen to the opposite side of the dishwasher to your dad. Secretly your Dad was chuckling away to himself, taking absolute delight in how terrified the ‘movie star’ was of him, but managed to keep a steely outershell. In silence, the two uunloaded the dishwasher, Tom desperately racking his brains for conversation starters.

This is what he did for a living, learnt the speech he’d spent hours preparing, then retell it. Why then, was Tom having such an issue with the script he’d arguable practiced the most? Deciding he needed a buffer, Tom went to the safe space of small talk.

“So how was the pub? Y/n said you were meeting some old friends?”

“Watched the match, bloody awful game and Wilks was crap, I don’t know why he even started.” Now this football talk was something Tom felt safe in. He had learnt as much as he could about your dads team - just so there was some mutual conversation.

“Yeh tell me about it, I caught the last half. Though the ref made so bad decisions too, that penalty never really was VAR or not.”

“Thats the most respectable thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

The next couple of minutes were spent with both men raving fanatically, letting all their anger out on the pretty subpar game this afternoon. In fact, Tom swore your dad actually laughed along with him at one point. Admittedly he’d caught himself almost immediately- but for two seconds, he had cracked it.

With the last mug placed in the cabinet, Tom was quite frankly shocked at what your dad said next. He had presumed that since it was late and everyone else was in bed, Y/d/n wouldn’t want quality time with his daughters boyfriend.

“You fancy a nightcap son?”

He’d never called Tom that either. Frankly, you dad preferred the nickname ‘moviestar’ because he knew it infuriated Tom. Made the tips of his ears flush bright red, that was Toms tell - one that your dad had noticed too early on.

Jerkily Tom nodded, swallowing down the lump in his throat as he followed the elder man to the sitting room - where he kept the scotch glasses and bottle. No sooner had the drinks been poured, that Tom practically exploded with his thoughts.

“Mr Y/l/n-sorry I mean Y/d/n I-I um I needed to ask you something.” All he got was a long sigh and a nod, encouraging him to continue. “I-uhm….”Tom scoffed, clearing his throat because all of a sudden it felt like he hadnt had a drink in 10 hours, mouth completely dry.

“Well first off-and all respect. I know I don’t have to ask you. Y/n is the most independent and strong woman and we aren’t living in the 1950s. But, well but she loves you alot.” Tom stressed that last point especially, looking up to your dads poker face. It put him off for moment.

It was just how grumpy he looked, it was bloody terrifying. Taking a big gulp of the malty liquid, Tom steeled himself once again. “ And she respects you, your opinion always matters and I’d never come between that. And Y/n, she likes her traditions right? Like the stupid hat game you all play at Christmas dinner which makes no sense to me? Or the puzzle that you don’t start till everyone’s pretty drunk and tired at 3 o’clock in the morning on christmas? So that is… uhm thats why I’m asking you.”

Again all Tom was met with was a stern gaze, once again taking another generous sip of the scotch.

“Look I know you have your doubts about me- “ That got a response, a snort of agreement from your dad as if saying ‘you think’.

“But-but I really love your daughter. She’s my whole world and I can’t imagine being without her. And I know my lifestyle probably doesn’t fit with how you imagined your daughter to have. I mean-I’m not always at home and I’m away for months but- but…. look.” Tom sighed, shifting awkwardly on the sofa to directly face your dads armchair. “When I’m homesick and tired and grouchy from filming and I get back to the hotel I facetime Y/n. Everyday. And just seeing her smile, you-you know, the really soft small one that makes her dimples pop out? One look at that smile and everythings fine. Because all I’m thinking about is seeing that smile for the rest of my life. When she finds out she’s pregnant with our kid, when we’re taking them to college. I mean even when we’re 80 and probably sick of each other- she’ll still have that little smile that puts me into this sort of stupor. I just- I love her. And I’d do anything for her, I always will, I promise you that. So-so” With a shaky breath, Tom delivered his hitline.

“This is me just letting you know that I’m going to ask her to marry me and- I really hope she says yes.”

Tom was almost out of breath, and the breath he did have was shaky, looking up desperately at the older man across from him. He watched with wide eyes as your Dad placed his glass back on the drinks table with a clink, before leaning forward and standing up from the chair. He groaned slitghtly at the movement (his knees werent what they used to be) and took the two steps forward to be stood right infront of Tom’s seat. In that moment, Tom honestly thought he was getting a punch to the jaw at the very least. Afterall, he had just pretty much demanded that he were to propose to you.

As he braced for impact, tensing all his muscles, instead what he felt was a light pat to his right shoulder. Tom trailed his eyes up your dads figure to see what he thought was a gentle smile on his face too. Though he hadn’t ever seen your Dad smile at him before, so couldn’t say for certainty.

“You’re a good kid Tom, and you make Y/n very happy. Just pull yourself together when you ask her alright son? Didn’t think moviestars got stage fright.” And with that, your dad turned his back, heading toward the doorway that lead to the stairs to the bedrooms. Stunned, it took a moment or two before Tom processed - long enough that he had to leap up and call your dads name to get him to halt in the hallway.

“So is that a yes? You’re giving me permssion?”

“Oh Tom….” Your dad sighed in the lowlight of the hallway, in a more muted voice - now they were closer to the bedrooms where both you and your mum were sleeping peacefully. “ You already said, Y/n is strong and fiercely independent. I don’t control her, heck I don’t think she’s ever listened to me and never will. But…. for the record, I hope she says yes too and… I know she will.”

Scoffing in excitement, Tom combed a hand through his scalp, feeling such a wave of relief it was almost indescribable as your dad turned and trudged up the stairs. Once he heard the door of your parents bedroom close, he couldn’t help himself. He ran back into the kitchen, where he preceded to do an excited jumpy dance thing.

Because it meant a lot. To have your dads approval, to have your dads support. That meant the world. Not only for the sake of proposing but also, everything Tom said was true. He wanted to build a family with you - which meant that man was going to be the grandparents to your kids one day. That man had helped to craft you into the person you were today - his ‘person’. His perfect angelic, sweet woman.

Whenever he felt this excited, this happy, this elated - theres only one person he wants to be with. So, after turning all the lights off and checking the doors were locked (with a very obvious spring in his step) he then hopped up the stairs. Tiptoeing around, he got ready for bed in no time, before getting to the highlight of each evening.

Delicately he crawled into bed, sliding under the covers, so as to not disturb you. Naturally though, feeling the bed dip made you turnover- hooking your legs round his and resting your head on his chest. Tom chuckled quietly at your cuteness, stroking your cheek lightly with his thumb. It was enough to rouse you awake, enough to make you acutely aware of the thundering sound from his chest. With tired eyes, you propped your chin on his breastbone looking up at him with concern.

“You alright T? Hearts really racing.” He only replied with this loopy lovesick grin, his right hand coming to cup your cheek.

“Go back to sleep darling, I’m okay.” He did look okay, but he was almost too smiley and even with a foggy sleepy brain, you were still suspicious.

“Whats going on, you’re being weird?”

“Nothing…. your dad and me just had a chat… He called me son.” That shocked you too - clearly the conversation you’d had with him about being nicer to Tom had rubbed off.

“He did?”

“He did…. you are beautiful you know?” Now he was definitely being weird. You furrowed your eyebrows, as if trying to read his mind because something odd was going on in there.

“Now you’re just being creepy. What’s up?”

Tom just leant forward to kiss your forehead, then pulled you down onto his chest.

“I just love your family and I love you, you know that?”

“Are you trying to get into my pants? Because my parents are literally in the next room.”

“Oh shut up and kiss me.”

[highshooketh1]

For those of you confused or just didn't see what happened leading up to Scaled and Icy, here's a quick(ish) rundown of the events of the weekend

1. The website that was created three years ago, dmaorg.info, in preparation for Trench, began terminating files. Here's a wiki that contains all the content that existed on the website if you are curious about it. The website showed a loading bar while this occurred and overall it took three days to reach 100%

2. Upon reaching 100% termination on Monday, the website was taken down and replaced with a letter from the bishops. You can still find this here.

The infraction number says "clancy is dead" which further renforces the message we received from this video. If you were not aware, the website contains letters from Clancy (refer to the wiki linked in #1).

3. We discovered that upon clicking on the o in the word "offender" in the termination notice, it turns to an ø (previously an à because of a glitch) which when clicked again, we can access these photos:

Things to note about these posters:

They have long hair, which usually means that they are in Dema

The logo is nowhere to be found other than Josh's arms when he is holding the tape measure.

We have yet another FPE: Featured Performance Event (our previous ones being "Few, Proud, Emotional" from Blurryface and "Failed Perimeter Escape" from Trench)

The fine print states that the band is not in full control here...if they have any control at all

DMAORG and Daily Dema...no mention of Fueled By Ramen (they are still working with the label, you can see this on their new website). These posters are meant to display that the boys are not doing all this by their own free will

This announces a live stream event and an album. The boys have stated multiple times that they wanted to avoid live stream concerts and they never want to play songs live to introduce them to us...they prefer for us to know the content beforehand.

And here's the biggest kicker: Scaled and Icy is an anagram for "Clancy is Dead"

On the Christmas Saves the Year cover, you can read "SAI is Propaganda". Scaled and Icy could be propaganda considering its initials spell SAI.

We've also noticed that the ø has returned to the band name on their website.

4. Tuesday night held a few notable things:

Posters like the one below started showing up in Europe and the US.

On the Warner website, the charts started showing "Shy Away - twenty one pilots", "Shy Away - Dema presents twenty one pilots", "Shy Away - one more sleep banditos", "Clancy is Alive - Tyler Joseph". These appeared at separate times but all within a few minutes before disappearing completely. We still are not quite sure if that was a hack or if that was an intentional set of messages. One more sleep was accurate since Shy Away came out today (Wednesday the 7th), and the others makes sense...except for the Clancy message. Someone on discord was wonderful and did some digging and it seems as though there was no way that could have been a hack because of their firewall/security system unless it was someone within Warner trolling us.

There's a new website as well as a fun little interactive place where you can hear a message from Josh, look at merch that drops later this month, and purchase tickets for the show and the 6-week interactive experience that they have set up.

If I missed anything or you want me to elaborate more on something, please let me know, but that is the main points of what happened!

I hope everyone is enjoying Shy Away :)

@vlvtmnky @witchaywoman

[sunflovverharry]

Driving Home for Christmas

a/n: hii! i wanted to make this a super cute dad!h during christmas fic so i hope you enjoy! this fic is a part of @goldenbluesuit ´s christmas song fic challenge which i’m honored to be a part of! It's the first fic challenge I’ve entered and I’ve been nervous to post something along with all these other amazing writers, but I'm excited to post this little piece centered in the dad universe. Happy reading, and remember to read the rest of the entries as well (which I’ve read some these past two weeks and they’re fab!) <3

pairing: dad!h + y/n

warnings: none! just a cute dad!h piece

word count: 3.8k

Harry was loading the trunk of their Audi, putting all their packed suitcases and bags of presents in there. The car was smack full as this year they had another addition to their family, waiting patiently for her mum to feed her before they left the city. It was snowing heavily and Anne made sure they knew they didn’t have to drive up today with the weather making the roads worse than usual. Y/n also told him a hundred times it was his decision as he was the one driving. Harry didn’t budge though, telling his mum they would definitely be there by tonight.

This year's Christmas celebrations were being spent in Cheshire with Harry’s family seeing as they were with her family in Nottingham last year. They’ve found it works best this way rather than splitting it up to go both places every year. After four years together and buying a house at the start of this year, y/n thinks this might be the last Christmas spent out of their own home. They have their two cats (Nellie and Sunny) and having their first child it might be time to start celebrating the holiday at their own house.

«Babe, did you remember to pack the board games?» Harry heard his girlfriend ask from the threshold where they had hung a mistletoe and had Harry not been busy trying to make everything fit, he definitely would’ve turned around, ran up to her and gave her a big smack on the lips. He settled for giving her a thumbs up not swirling around as he was too busy trying to figure out how he could make most of their things fit in the trunk, thinking it was just like a game of tetris. While Harry had been doing the heavy lifting and packing; y/n had put a cute Christmas onesie on the still tiny body of their daughter, definitely small for her age but she was eating like her daddy so where the weight went they had no idea.

Olive was a generally happy, cuddly baby who more often than not reached for her dad over her mum. It didn’t bother y/n that she was a daddy’s girl, knowing how much Harry loves children and now that he has his own he’s all over her. She finds the two cuddled together on the sofa, their bed or the armchair in her nursery at least a couple times a day. Her phone is now overflowing with photos of the two and she’s hoping to put together a photo album for Harry’s birthday filled with them - knowing he’d cherish it forever.

Half an hour later they were pulling out of the driveway. Harry had checked multiple times that all the lights were out, the doors were locked and the alarm system was functioning properly. Olive was smiling as she sat still in her car seat behind y/n. She had wondered if sitting in the back with her daughter would be better, but decided against it. If she got fussy they’d stop at a gas station and she’d move to the back.

The couple was tremendously excited to bring along their little bundle of happiness and get to show her off to all of Harry’s family and friends. Of course, his family have seen her when she was a newborn but living quite far away most of them only get to see them once or twice a year. It’ll change the dynamic of how they celebrate the holidays for sure, but it's a positive change. Anne will spoil her rotten, just like she does to y/n when they visit - making her tea whenever she wants some, washing their dirty laundry (which y/n didn’t care that her mother-in-law saw her underwear cause she didn’t bring anything too scandalous) and heading to the shops when they needed even the smallest thing. Really, y/n thought she was too kind for her own good. At the same time though, y/n always did play a good host when Anne visited them - spoiling her with the comfiest bed sheets, making the food for every meal, not wanting her to lift a finger as if she was the queen.

Olive was eight months - a fairly active one at that - and loves to crawl everywhere, especially to follow her mum or dad around the lower floor of their (way too big) house for only the three (five) of them. Since the pair hadn’t brought Olive with them for such a long drive, the longest being an hour, they were anxious to find out how she’d react to being confined over a longer period of time.

Half an hour in and Olive was babbling away to the teddy bear in her arms (she got it from her nephews when she was born and has been attached to it since) as Harry and y/n talked about how excited they were for their daughter to explore her daddy´s hometown and how his whole family and friends would fall in love with Olive even more. With their little girl just starting to sleep all through the night in her own room, Anne wanted to make sure she got her own room at her nana's too, so apparently she’s cleaned the office and made it into a makeshift nursery for her granddaughter.

Y/n doesn’t know who’s more excited to see all the familiar faces, the family that’s become not only important to her in the last four years, but now also to their baby. The last time they visited Cheshire, y/n was barely two months pregnant and as tough as it was to keep it hidden from Anne for another month, they managed to keep it to the two of them (with just a handful of slip-ups). They were sure Anne knew they were having a baby with the small smirks she gave y/n and harry when she didn’t want the wine - Harry keeping to non-alcoholics in solidarity with her - which was unregular for her, normally jumping on the thought of having a glass or two after a long day.

“You know mum won’t give her up after she gets her hands on her right as we walk through the front door? Might want to hop in the back and get your fix before we get there.” Harry let out a chuckle with y/n joining in knowing just how true his words were. Anne was a godsend of a grandmother, taking Olive in her arms doting over her until she’ll start crying for her daddy. Though everyone gives her all the attention she could wish for, no one could ever do what Harry can. He’s her favorite, no matter how much I wish I could be.

Another half hour later and we were making our first stop at a local gas station in Aylesbury. We were about a third of the way in, but the weather was getting harsher with the snow falling harder and the wind picking up just a little bit. While Harry filled the car up with gas and made sure Olive didn’t start fussing, y/n went inside to get a couple snacky items for the three of them and a filled up cup of coffee for her boyfriend. Coming out of the station she could see Harry in the back with his love bug, bringing her out of the car seat as her cute little wails haltered. She was due for a feed, so they found a secluded space to park so no one would stare at her while breastfeeding their daughter.

Sitting in the front passenger seat with her daughter attached to her nipple with her baby daddy sitting in the driver's seat next to her they spent the next twenty minutes singing along to the Christmas songs playing one after the other on the radio.

Y/n had always loved this time of year - the snow, the songs (which - admittedly - she listened to throughout the entire year), the decorations, the joy and cheer. With y/n and Harry moving in together a month before Christmas, only half a year after they first began dating, they had a mutual understanding for how they would go all out with lights, trees and decorations both on the inside and outside. Though their house was gated with a high fence along the perimeter of their entire land. The trees lining the driveway all the way from the gate to where the gravel road extends into two, one leading to the garage and the other to the front door, were now lit up with strings of light going through them. It was only the beginning to their decorations, but it couldn’t be seen from the gate. More lights were lit along the house, windows were accentuated by red tape creating squares with spray along it, making it seem like snow on the glass. Though there aren’t tons of colourful lights, outside at least, the inside is littered with different colours, shining and sparkling along the staircases, mantels, dressers, counters and tables.

Olive felt like there was something new to look at, touch and be amazed by in every room of their house. As the clock sets seven in the morning, like clockwork, Harry hears Olive’s wails for him to get her out of the crib so she can move around. He kisses y/n’s forehead as he lets her sleep for another half hour to an hour like every morning before pulling on a pair of boxers and some pajama pants if it’s cold to get his daughter from her nursery across the hall.

The two of them were like two giggling girlfriends when they finally saw each other for the first time that day, not being able to keep their smiles from their similar lips. Walking downstairs Olive points at the garland wrapping the staircase and every time she sees it, a small sound of surprise and excitement exit her puckered lips. Harry talks to her about how good her mama is at decorating their house and how good it looks good for Christmas (he only helped her put up decorations, following her direct orders). Y/n had a certain way she liked to decorate and with this being the first Christmas in their house she wanted everything to look perfect.

Coming into the kitchen after turning the dimmed lights on low to have some lighting in the morning dark they had a little shimmy along the floor. Olive babbled along with Harry’s singing and mumbling to her explaining how the buttons on the walls turned on the different lights. She probably didn’t understand or care about the lights, but the two continued singing and talking about nonsense along the way. In the kitchen, Harry made her a bottle she demanded having before getting started on the omelette he makes for him and y/n every morning he’s home without fail.

When they finally got back on the road the snow was coming down heavily and the only thing they could see were the lines of cars in front of them on the M40 pushing the break every few seconds before accelerating again moving only a couple meters before breaking again. Y/n didn’t have a lot of patience in traffic - or in general - and quickly became annoyed making Harry laugh at her telling her to calm down (she wasn’t even the one who had to drive through this horrible weather). This lasted for another forty-five minutes before the snow let up just a little bit and the cars seemed to roll along the road like normal.

“I didn’t think driving home for Christmas would take this long. At least, I hoped it wouldn’t.” They’d been on the road since nine thirty this morning and now, two and a half hours later, they still have at least another two hours left until they’re at Anne’s. It wasn’t unusual for y/n to call Anne’s home, having stayed there for weeks at a time during the almost five years her and Harry have known each other. Harry isn’t unknown to calling y/n’s parents’ house his home either.

“I know. Wish it didn’t have to take this long and I’m sure little Ollie is going to get antsy soon. If the weather continues like this and we don’t have to take more than one more break, I think we’ll be there within three hours, but if we run into traffic, we might have to take more stops along the way.” Harry wanted to move along quickly to get to his mum’s before Olive’s nap time around three, if she didn’t end up sleeping in the car. We knew when we decided to drive in the morning that Olive would probably stay up the whole way, too engrossed with the cars and lights along the way to ever be able to fall asleep.

“You know what we should do to keep her happy for another half hour at least?” Y/n turned to look at Harry with a smile grazing her lips. “Play some Christmas music! She loves when we sing and dance around the house.” Playing the memories of hearing Olive’s belly laughter through the house while Harry and her danced in circles around her like another pair of idiots.

Putting on the same Christmas song list they’ve played since making it together all those years ago, the first song coming on shuffle being Santa Claus is Coming to Town. The noise was at a comfortable volume so they could still hear Olive if she started fussing though it’s unlikely and for it to not be too disturbing for Harry’s driving. With Olive seated with her back to them she couldn’t see her mummy dancing in her seat while they sang along to song after song, but she heard her parents’ voices singing out to the songs she’s heard oh so many times before.

“This is accurate, huh?” Harry snickered as Driving Home for Christmas began playing through the speakers.

“You don’t say.” It was one of their favorite songs and it fit the scene they were in, driving home for Christmas, excited to see their family, singing along the slowly getting better traffic. Looking around at the cars next to them, most of them looked to be families also driving home to be with their families for this year's holiday celebrations.

The rest of the drive was filled with more singing, two more stops for Harry to give his baby some cuddles and walking around one of the local Tesco’s they stopped at to get some more drinks and snacks. Olive was waving at everyone walking past us and talking all kinds of gibberish. While y/n grabbed the snacks, Harry had Olive walking along the aisles in between his feet while holding her little hands in his following her around the store.

A quarter to three they finally made it to Anne’s home, reversing into the driveway so they could get their baggage inside easier later in the day. Y/n saw Anne open the front door in the rearview mirror when Harry was pulling in the last meters. There was a bright smile on her face when we got out of the car. The snow had laid thick on the ground up north and the slick ice underneath made it harder to walk without having to make sure every step was carefully thought out.

Just minutes later Olive was already crawling with her little legs all over her grandma’s home, interested in anything and everything she could get her chubby hands on not seeming to be tired at all. They decided to forgo her nap and hope for an early night, which isn’t likely with everything going on around her. Anne was on granny duties right away telling the pair to sit down and relax with the tea she had prepared while she took care of the baby. There was no doubt she loved the attention from the person she might not remember from this summer but quickly became attached to, almost as much as she is to her daddy.

Harry found his place on the sofa, head in y/n’s lap and feet hanging over the armrest demanding her fingers curling through his locks. It wasn’t surprising to her that he was tired from driving the entirety of the way in traffic and tightly packed snow at times. Sure, if needed he could have stayed awake, but with his mum taking care of his little love he didn’t care much, falling asleep to his other love combing her fingers through his hair. It didn’t happen too often that they could have a cuddle in the middle of the day - just the two of them - with Olive needing their attention at all hours of the day so when the opportunity arose he wasn’t going to turn it down. He admits, though this is nice as well, that a naked cuddle in bed would definitely top laying on the sofa with his mum and daughter running around them. Maybe tonight, he thinks, as he finally falls asleep to the sound of Olive’s giggles.

As nighttime inched closer and Olive’s bedtime was passing them in the chatter and laughter, y/n told Harry to get their things from the car while she nurses Olive before getting her ready for bed. While they took care of their daughter, Anne made a nice spread of cheese and crackers for them to indulge tonight while catching up on everything that’s been going on in their lives since the last time she visited them in London.

Harry found Olive’s bag first, choosing a pair of christmassy pajamas from the mountain of clothes they had brought for her. Y/n walked upstairs to the nursery Anne had set up, seeing Harry already unpacking her bags into the cute vintage turquoise chiffonier Anne had bought from a neighbour only a couple weeks ago immediately falling in love with it.

«Would you like to have a cuddle with daddy before bed, Ollie?» Y/n firmly believed her daughter needed the nightly cuddle from Harry, just like she does, to fall asleep. She was already reaching out for him with her nimble hands waiting for him to take her in for a snuggle in his arms. There was no armchair in the makeshift nursery like they had purchased for Olive’s nursery back home where they always sat but Harry made it work. Anything for a cuddle with his baby growing way too quick for his liking.

It was no secret Harry loved babies and that only heightened when he had his own baby. With how good Olive is and how lush it’s been having a baby around and it not be just the two of them, he had thought about what it would be like with another baby around. Another little love for them to have, give Olive a sister or brother to play with. He hadn’t said anything to y/n about the thoughts he’d been having, not knowing if she'd agree with him. It’s been eight months and when they had talked about it before they agreed on a maximum of two years between their children.

Only a couple hours later they headed to bed themselves, ready for a good night's sleep before another long day tomorrow. Harry had been debating with himself whether he was going to mention babies to y/n or not - ultimately ended up with yes, he would mention it. Now they were finally alone with y/n resting her head on Harry’s pillow, her fingers delicately drawing patterns on his chest.

“I have something I’d like to discuss with you.” Harry’s voice wasn’t much louder than a whisper, not wanting to ruin the calmness around them. He wasn’t nervous so to say, but he felt his pulse quicken the tiniest bit at the thought of getting turned down. Y/n turned her head to watch Harry as he pulled her in as close as he could without suffocating her.

“It’s been lovely having Olive, right? Seems like it was meant to be to have a baby and during the holidays it’s been so fun watching her so interested in everything.” Y/n murmured her answer. She had loved having a little one to care for and to fill their days with joy over the last eight months.

“Well, with how well it’s been going with her, I was thinking we could talk about having another little one? Maybe discuss it a bit. What do you say, let's make Ollie a big sister?”

“I think we might be well on the way to making her a sister, bub.” Harry turned his head at lightning speed hearing her words, not knowing if he heard her quite right. His open mouth and big round eyes weren’t something she saw often combined as she wasn’t always the best at surprising him, but this time she was sure her secret had come as a big shock. It wasn’t as if they had been trying for a baby either, only forgetting a condom a handful times when they were too in the moment to care for it.

She found out only a week ago, thinking she could keep it to herself until Christmas day. It wasn’t difficult to hide it from him, not struggling with morning sickness and only craving sweets as if she was on her period. Knowing they had agreed on the number of children they wanted - four - she wasn’t scared of him reacting badly.

“You’re not joking, right?” Harry smashed his lips onto his girlfriends when she shook her head - no, i’m not joking - kissing her slow and long, showing her just how happy he was. They spent the night talking about how thrilled and excited they were to expand their family with more children and how great of a sister Olive would be. Baby names were flying between them, agreeing to never naming one of their babies after a city, but rather continuing naming them something more unique than Chloe or Adam.

The rest of the holiday spent up north with Harry’s family was relaxing and lovely all around. Playing board games, exploring the city with Olive (who was way too fascinated by all the snow), family dinner parties and having fun with friends they didn’t get to see all too often. Olive was wiped out after opening her presents on Christmas morning and spending all her energy on all the toys she got and the paper ripping she played with (more than the toys to be honest).

This year had been special for the family and Christmas was just the same. Olive was lively and it made y/n and Harry exhausted with everything going on, but they wouldn’t change it for the world. After all, Olive was their little girl and soon there would be another little love in their family. Trying to keep the pregnancy from their family and friends was easier this time around as she could blame not drinking alcohol on her breastfeeding and decided they would keep it hidden from everyone until the last possible minute.

[janamelie]

Dimension Jump XXI Report

I suppose I’m a DJ veteran now as this was my fifth consecutive one and the fourth at the Nottingham Crowne Plaza which is an expensive four-star hotel.  Sharing with a friend helps keep the cost reasonable and honestly, it’s worth it for the sheer convenience of being right there in the hotel and being able to nip back to your room as required.  (To be clear, you don’t have to stay in the hotel to attend the con.  There are plenty of other hotels nearby.)

Plus there is always the chance that you’ll see a guest at breakfast as I did Danny once.  He picked out a few pieces of fruit and nibbled at them before wandering over late to his photoshoot.  What else would you expect from a cat though?

Friday

Myself and @downonthepharm-red-dwarf (Amy) had arrived the previous day so had plenty of time to be near the front of the queue for registration.  Which meant we saw Hattie Hayridge arrive in a stunning designer coat and with smart luggage.  She really brought her outfit A-game and looked great the whole weekend.

Once we’d presented our respective proofs of full Covid vaccination or a recent negative test, we were given our DJ passes and booklets.  The latter has spaces for signatures from guests, an Order Of Events and various handy tips for the weekend.

The con kicks off at 5pm with an hour of gradual build-up in the Main Hall - they show videos from previous events, specially made titbits with various guests past and present such as Mark Dexter doing a mock guide to DJ and Rebecca Blackstone voicing Pree.  It all helps with the atmosphere, as do the numerous RD posters dotted around the hotel.

Then it was time for the Opening Ceremony featuring various Fan Club team members and an overcrowded stage full of cardboard boxes - the joke was that they’d had too much time on their hands during lockdowns and bought loads of stuff online.  It was obviously also a nod to Lister’s hoarding in “The Promised Land”.  

The sketch featured a specially made shot of the AA adverts’ Starbug model landing outside the Crowne Plaza and an 80s computerised version of the lovely convention logo.  You could tell a lot of loving effort had gone into the whole thing.

Once the guest line-up had been announced (I’ll get to that not-really-a-surprise-guest shortly), we went straight into the RD Pub Quiz, hosted by Hattie.  DOTP and I had been joined at our table by Lapsang and Barbs from our Discord (No Kind Of Atmosphere) plus various other attendees we’d befriended.

Someone in the crowd yelled “I love you, Hattie!” to which she quipped “I’ve pulled already!”  Another bloke shouted “Fuck off, she’s mine!” which led to a few shouts of “Fight!”  When neither seemed keen to do so, Hattie joked: “Only two?  That’s a bit pathetic!” and then we got started.

The quiz is hard, by design, but I’m good at quizzes and my team - No Kind Of Atmosphere after our Discord - came joint third which was gratifying.  (I was on the winning team a few DJs ago, to blow my own trumpet for a moment.  This is my report, after all.)

And then it was time for the first guest Q&A with - surprise, surprise - Johnny Vegas aka the Crit Cop in “Timewave”.  Not a great episode but he more than made up for that with an appearance I can only describe as chaotic.  Warning - DO NOT attempt to heckle him unless you want to be singled out and humiliated in front of the entire audience in a “Can’t look away” fashion which was nonetheless entertaining.  The man in question tweeted about it afterwards and seems to have taken it in good spirit.

Once we’d moved on from encouraging people to leave unpleasant things in room 429, it turned out Johnny’s a big fan of the show and owned it on VHS (so did I).  He thinks of the main characters, Holly would win at “Taskmaster” and had good reasons for that conclusion.  

He was dubious about the pink costume he wore in “Timewave” as he thought it might take away from the character but said he eventually decided he needed to get over what he was wearing and just go for it.  He also said one of his worst working moments was on “Benidorm” when he had to hold his breath underwater in a freezing swimming pool and his co-star kept forgetting her two lines so they had over 30 takes.  Ouch.

Johnny left commenting that he got less love at his 50th birthday party.  But we hadn’t seen the last of him by any means as people kept buying him drinks during the Auction, leading to him successfully bidding for one of the items on offer.

And then he was back for the Karaoke.  Now if you - as he informed us - had to undergo emergency dental surgery in the morning and had practically lost your voice, would you sing karaoke?  And not only that, would you sing a version of “Love On The Rocks” which lasted 11 minutes according to someone on Twitter (I wasn’t timing it, but I can believe it), followed by the full-length version of “American Pie”?

If you answered no, you’re clearly not Johnny Vegas.  He went to bed so late that the unfortunate Fan Club team member assigned to look after him got a grand total of 90 minutes’ sleep.

Saturday

DOTP and I had paid for the Photoshoot with Mr Vegas, Danny John-Jules and Ray Fearon.  We got in the queue at 9am which was when it was supposed to start.  An hour later we were still waiting.  Yep, Danny was late.

Once he made it to the hotel, I got my photo in front of a Science Room backdrop.  You might think Mr Vegas would be hungover and rushing through it, but on the contrary, he was still enjoying the hell out of proceedings which was refreshing to see.  Since he’d been added to the line-up too late to be in the souvenir booklet, he signed extra inserts for the Fan Club which they handed out to everyone at the later Autograph sessions so attendees got his autograph after all even though he’d finally left.  That’s what I call throwing yourself into an event.

Next up was a combined Q&A with Danny and Ray (originally separate but Danny’s lateness meant they were teamed up).  This wasn’t a problem at all though - on the contrary, it worked really well as the chumminess between them added to the vibe.  Also it was Ray’s first convention so he probably preferred to have Danny backing him up, especially since the poor man tripped on his way to the stage and almost fell.  I don’t think he was hurt but I cringed with secondhand embarrassment and empathy.  He wasn’t the only one to fall foul of the edge of the stage that weekend; I think it was the slightly raised dancefloor in front of it.

As is usual for Danny, we were treated to over half an hour of what you can only really describe as a stream of consciousness as he pontificated about various things.  He and Ray did also talk about working together on “Death In Paradise” and Ray described his worst working experience there - he had to play a scene in a club in 45 degree heat with a live snake wrapped around his neck!

Ray is attractive in a “Hollywood hunk” way and Danny was clearly conscious of this, joking that he’d “brought his own security with him” and muttering “I’m better-looking anyway!”  But all in a jokey way as they’re clearly friends.

Danny had come from filming and dropped a heavy hint that he’s appearing in a Dickens adaptation which I imagine will be shown at Christmas as they generally are.  He also complained that Craig Charles never answers his phone: “You send him a message and he answers it on Twitter a month later!”  (Interestingly, Chris Barrie later mentioned a recent phone conversation with Craig so make of that what you will.)

Ray was quieter but happy to talk about the vagaries of showbiz and typecasting - he said that due to his Shakespearean background he gets a lot of serious roles so people were genuinely surprised that he could also do comedy but “I was always funny!”  He also gently teased Danny about the age of some of his references before admitting he still finds Tommy Cooper funny.

Danny usually performs “Tongue-tied” with a good grace when inevitably asked to by an audience member but perhaps it’s finally starting to pall as this time he did it in the style of Oliver Reed’s Bill Sykes and included a lot of X-rated references to cunnilingus etc.  It was entertaining though.

Next up was a live Q&A (over Zoom) with Chris Barrie.  Danny decided to stick around as he wanted to show Chris something he’d ordered online.  It took a while to get the cameras in the right position for Chris to be able to see it and Danny needed a knife to open the parcel, leading Chris to quip “Is this a good time for me to step out for some lunch?”

However, it turned out to be worth it as it was a custom-made Ace Rimmer doll which impressed Chris with its quality and he complimented the maker.

Danny and Ray then departed for their lunch and to take part in the Coffee Lounge which this year had reduced its numbers for Covid-related reasons and held a ballot for entry in the interests of fairness.  Amy and I didn’t get in but happily stayed for the rest of Chris’s Q&A.

In the “working from home” spirit, Chris was in a hoodie in his living room as opposed to his more usual smart suit.  He was suitably relaxed and revealed he got through lockdown by concentrating on the things which make him happy, such as his hobbies, his garden and his family.  His favourite episodes are “Marooned”, “Dimension Jump” and - less predictably - “Twentica”.  He also referred to a recent “mannerly, as he would call it” phone conversation with Craig.  No details but it had clearly been a positive experience.

Amy decided to liven up the ending of his Q&A by asking a vitally important, “TPL”-related question.  Whom would Rimmer find more attractive, a female version of Lister or a female version of Cat?

Once the laughter had died down and Chris had bought some time by pointing out that “neither of them are women”, he gave the question appropriate consideration.  He pondered whether Rimmer would be more taken by the “simple charms” of Lister or the “feline grace” of Cat.  This next bit is courtesy of Amy as my memory isn’t infallible: He said it’d be a choice between a feline form or a rounder, a bit more slovenly woman - he wouldn’t want the perfectly feline woman because she might not like his imperfections, but he also wouldn’t want someone who ate curry three times a day.  “Basically, a balance would be ideal.”

That was the last question but Chris provided a little more entertainment as he had a “How do you turn this off then?” moment a la Gordon the computer in “Better Than Life” and made amusing faces as he figured it out.  If it was anyone but Chris I’d think it was a deliberate reference to that but I think he was genuinely befuddled.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Autographs with Hattie, Danny, Ray and Norman Lovett.  I got the latter three to sign the “TPL” poster I’d brought with me but gave Hattie the booklet instead as it seemed more tactful.  She complimented the dress I was wearing and I returned the compliment, telling her how much the fans appreciate the effort she makes with her DJ outfits.

Norman commented how there’s a version of the “TPL” poster he isn’t on, bemusedly.  Fortunately mine was the version including him. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon chilling in the bar with Amy, Lapsang and Barbs, chatting to other attendees.  Graphic Designer Matthew Clark was now in the Merchandise Room with various props from Series XII and “TPL” including the Starbug manual used onscreen.  I got his autograph on my poster but it’s an incomprehensible squiggle.  Oh well.  He was very friendly and easy to talk to.

After a break for dinner, the Main Hall reopened for the Costume Competition.  This seems to get better every DJ, with an amazing “Greyscale Rimmer” who was discomfiting to be around due to the corpse-like makeup, a Natalina Pushkin, a Nirvanah Crane who could almost have been Jane Horrocks herself and a Diving Suit Cat from “BTE”.  Other entries included Rimmer’s Mum, “Giraffes who were armed and dangerous” and a Confidence And Paranoia who were later pictured at the bar chatting to Paranoia himself, Lee Cornes.

We then had a special video message from Doug Naylor which I won’t go into as I’m sure everyone’s already heard the details.  Suffice to say, his tone was positive.

The second Auction was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who made it more entertaining by adding his own commentary to each item.  This was followed by a stand-up set from Norman.  It was amusing but he misjudged the mood a bit, I feel.  When you’re waiting for a disco to start and it’s already hours late due to Danny’s tardiness, you don’t particularly want to contemplate your own mortality.  We were here to get away from all that, as much as possible.

Anyway, the Disco was a lot of fun even if Dave Benson Phillips’ presence as host was sorely missed.  Hattie danced for the best part of an hour alongside everyone else.  The stand-in DJs did their job and I stayed until the end.  The final two songs were “Bohemian Rhapsody” and … “Tongue-tied”.

Sunday

Not being in the Sunday Photoshoot, Amy and I had a nice leisurely breakfast and got over last night’s festivities before the first Q&A, live over Zoom with Robert Llewellyn.

This was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who in his capacity as Dave era audience warm-up knows Robert well.  Clearly well enough to get away with teasing him relentlessly about not being at the con in person until poor Robert was a mess of Krytenesque guilt.  

His protestations that he’d been scheduled to be in Munich this weekend but no longer was (he was at home) only made things worse.  Ian: “Oh, so that’s two sets of people you’ve disappointed now!  Stop saying yes to things!”  It was hilarious and Robert took it in its intended spirit.  Also Ian was getting a measure of revenge for Robert - in character as Kryten - dry humping him at recordings.  One attendee asked “With the groinal attachment?!”

Robert admitted that he finds Kryten’s various groinal attachments hilarious and if he was writing the show they’d be in every episode.  He praised Doug’s restraint.

He also admitted that in “TPL” he had an earpiece to have his lines fed to him.  Since it’s controlled by an iPad, certain unscrupulous cast members took great delight in feeding him rude ones.

He still intends to update “The Man In The Rubber Mask” but atm “Fully Charged” is consuming a lot of his time as it’s become much more successful than he anticipated and he’s in charge of several people.

Surprisingly, he would hate appearing in RD without the Kryten makeup, both because it’s become much quicker to apply and because it provides him with a shield and he becomes Kryten and forgets stagefright.  He still can’t watch “DNA” for that reason.

Lapsang, who played Kryten in “Into The Gloop”, asked Robert if he’d seen it.  He hadn’t but said he was now very curious and would find a way to.

Next up was Lee Cornes aka Paranoia who said he originally auditioned for the lead roles and like the other unsuccessful actors got the consolation prize of a guest appearance.  Upon being asked if he’d gone out for a drink with Craig Ferguson’s Confidence, he said no because at the time they had a frosty relationship due to rumours that Craig was plagiarising other comics’ jokes.  Lee said it was all very silly and he’s since apologised.

Interestingly, Lee is a qualified science teacher and carried on with that career alongside his media one, leading to surreal situations where his pupils would ask: “Sir?  Were you on the telly last night?”  “Yes.”  “Are we on the telly now, sir?”

Someone asked a good question - what would Lister’s Paranoia be like now 33 years later?  Lee would be willing to reprise the role but isn’t sure it would work as the original had a childish quality whereas he feels now the character would be a lot darker and less funny.  Lee was both thoughtful and entertaining in his responses.

He was followed onstage by Hattie and Norman, who resolutely refused to rise to the bait of an audience member attempting to stir up a rivalry between them.  That only works when one isn’t the nicest person you could meet.

A tactless audience member asked both if they’d watched “TPL” instead of directing the question at Norman.  Luckily Hattie had seen it and particularly enjoyed the cat flap joke although she felt there was a little too much focus on the guest cast.

Norman didn’t really watch RD after he left but Hattie has seen Norman’s early episodes as he lent them to her back when she was originally cast as Hilly for research purposes.  Bear in mind this was 1988 when they weren’t even available on VHS so presumably he recorded them off the TV.  

Hattie confirmed with a sigh that she’s simply never been asked to return in any capacity: “That’s the short answer.”  What the hell, I’ll say it one more time - Bring Back Hattie!  One episode, that’s all I ask.  As it stands, it’s starting to look like a pointed and deliberate snub which mystifies me.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Rob Grant and Paul Jackson.  For obvious reasons they didn’t go into the current legal mess, opting instead to entertain the fans with the story of how they met and their early pre-RD work (Rob and Doug as freelance writers for Paul’s producer).

We saw some clips from their early shows including “Three Of A Kind” with Lenny Henry, Tracy Ullman and … later magician David Copperfield; apparently they all had the same agent and Paul took on David as a favour.  For a 40 year old show it held up pretty well and was in much better sound and picture quality than older shows often are. “Carrott’s Lib” was just as funny.

It’s a bit hard to summarise but this session was entertaining and gripping.  Rob still wants to write another RD novel and I believe there’s nothing actually stopping him as both he and Doug had an option to write a second solo novel.  So we’ll see.

The final Q&A was Matthew Clark who was very informative and interesting, showing us numerous production stills from Series XII and “TPL” and talking us through them.  There was a groan when time was called before he was finished.

By now time was running short and Amy and I went back to the room to pack and leave our luggage with reception before watching the start of “Dibbley Family Fortunes”. Since I knew I wouldn’t have time to watch it all, I instead nipped upstairs to Autographs with Lee and Ian, timing it perfectly as the queue had almost vanished.

Ian was still performing, drawing scornful attention to the fact that Lee had a longer queue: “Can you imagine all these people queueing to see Lee Cornes?!”  It sounds rude out of context but he was clearly joking.

I decided to ask Lee what flavour the yogurt Paranoia eats was.  He said it didn’t really taste of anything as it was the cheapest, nastiest canteen yogurt available and was also starting to curdle under the studio lights so eating it can’t have been much fun.

Since I now had about 15 minutes before I had to go, I caught a bit of Dibbley Family Fortunes, said goodbye to Amy, Lapsang and Barbs and then dashed off to catch the tram to the train station.  Another great DJ.

[ana-benn]

This was requested 😘

Three's Company

Warnings: mfm poly relationship, it's filthy.... I don't know. Also I wrote it as snippets along the relationship timeline so that's a thing.

---------------------------------------------------------

There had always been drawbacks to 'dating' Tyler. You'd followed him from Toronto to Boston looking for a change of scenery, and eventually the two of you started hooking up. It was a completely casual, and you'd take little breaks here and there to see other people. Initially though it just made sense. You cooked together, hung out together, and occasionally slept together. You felt like amplified best friends, and it worked for where you were in life.

Of course his trade to the Stars was a little unexpected, but it brought you two a little bit closer. Another move, and the decision to get a dog settled you both down and made you start thinking about maybe making a serious go of your relationship. Then he'd brought Jamie over, and you were done. He was like the opposite of Tyler and you loved it. Shy, and sweet but the ability to be ferocious bordering on animalistic.

Tyler was more goofy and fun, with a passion that left you feeling weak, but overall he was way more high energy than Jamie. You'd gotten close to Jamie as he and Tyler built a relationship, and you didn't know how to broach the subject with either man. You wanted them both, and it was so obvious to you that if you could make it happen for the three of you that was ideal situation.

Of course being as, while you and Jamie both had a shy side, Tyler did not and he full on approached the subject over dinner one night. You'd nearly swallowed your chicken whole, and Jamie choked on his beer at Tyler's proclamation that the two of them should share you.

"Tyler," you hissed.

"What? Come on babe, we both know you'd be into it," he grinned. "I've seen you check Chubbs out."

You couldn't deny it, so you acted maturely and stuck your tongue out at him, while Jamie stared in between the two of you.

"I'd be willing to try it," Jamie offered after a moment. Tyler lit up like Christmas then.

"Yes! I knew this would work out," he beamed wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

That first night was awkward and it took a while to feel completely comfortable. It seemed no matter what you did someone was being left out, and you weren't used to splitting your focus in bed. It seemed as though when Tyler would thrust Jamie would pull, or vice versa, and you quickly felt overwhelmed by the amount of hands on your body. Finally though as you laid in-between the two men you realize just how perfect it all felt.

-------------------------------

After that first time it seemed like none of you could stay away. Jamie had tried to back off, not wanting to overstep, but you'd shown up at his door with Tyler in tow and the three of you had set up ground rules. You'd be free to sleep with either or both of them, whenever or however no hold barred. You threw out that they could sleep with one another if they wanted to, and then laughed as they both looked at you completely unamused. Of course as time went on you almost became convinced that the were, even if neither mentioned it to you. You had set up a limitation that if they wanted to sleep with other women you did prefer that they used protection. Both of them thought about and decided that they didn't want to do that. You knew it wasn't exactly fair, but you weren't going to argue either.

You'd gone back and forth on living arrangements for months after that. Transferring between Tyler's and Jamie's, before deciding that you should probably get a place all together. You'd make sure each of the boys had their own space, but you couldn't keep track of where any of your stuff was and it was driving you crazy.

As you moved in though you realized your one mistake, it seemed these two were completing constantly.

Who loaded more boxes? Tyler claimed it, but you'd noted Jamie taking a couple more than him. Not that you would tell anyone. You just laughed and shook your head.

Who brought in more boxes? Definitely Jamie, Tyler was outside showing the dogs their new yard.

Who put more boxes away? That was you, but then again you didn't really want them touching your clothes or trying to put dishes away.

Who set up more electronics? Tyler, hands down. Jamie had a hard time managing his own spotify account, and Tyler would be pissed if he missed any golf.

All day it went like that. You couldn't help but laugh at their pitiful faces when they lost one of their challenges either. You'd just pull them into a hug, and stroke their hair while high fiving the winner.

You'd thought through all the different options for bedrooms, and eventually decided that your room would be the common room. If the three of you decided to spend the night together, which you often did, you'd do that in your room. Jamie and Tyler each had their own rooms, so that they could decompress or be separated if the need arose.

That first night though, you felt completely relaxed. Both men had followed you up to bed and before you'd even finished your nighttime routine Tyler was behind you, lips on your neck. He walked to towards the bed with his hands guiding your hips. Once you were in-between Jamie' thighs he pulled you into himself, and pulled your chin up. He trapped your lips in a searing kiss, before his hands began to wander.

Tyler moved to cup your breasts, while Jamie palmed your ass, and they seemed to work in sync at trying to turn you into jello. They'd rotate between your lips and neck, and as soon as one broke for air the other was pulling your face back towards them. Teasing hands, gentle lips, co-mingled with the scratch of facial hair on your skin, and you'd never been so happy that most of the time all three of you slept in the nude. Jamie eventually moved back onto the bed pulling you with him, and resting you over his hardness. Instinctively you ground down on him, causing him to groan out.

Tyler walked around the bed, and Jamie flipped you over and started preparing to enter you from behind. Meanwhile Tyler nudged your lips with his cock, instinctively you opened up letting him enter your mouth. He and Jamie both groaned over you as they slid home, and you felt deliciously full. At this point the three of you knew your dance well, so as Jamie started moving so did Tyler. Jamie usually took the lead, so he would thrust and Tyler would follow, keeping you in a perfect rhythm. The ebb and flow of them worked your body into a state of utter bliss, and before you knew it you were spasming around Jamie. You vaguely heard him swear as you fell under the waves of your own orgasm.

"FUCK," Jamie yelled as he sent ropes of hot cum into your pussy. Before you could react, or even fully recover you felt Tyler (who'd pulled out of your mouth when you'd orgasmed) pull you onto his own cock. If Jamie was rough, and feral with his thrusts Tyler was meticulous and operated with precision. Jamie wanted to throw you into an orgasm, thriving off of the intensity. Tyler want to draw them out of you, wanting to be in control.

Tyler worked your clit as his slowly thrust towards his own completion, you felt yourself quivering within minutes. Jamie leaned forward catching your lips in his, as Tyler worked your neck again. Finally you cried out as you clenched around Tyler. Satisfied he allowed himself to release deep inside of you, he held your hips as you slumped forward into Jamie.

You were aware of Tyler whispering praise to you as Jamie grabbed a towel to clean you up. Tyler got the covers pulled back and after you were cleaned up Jamie slid in on the other side of you. Your head on Tyler's shoulder, as Jamie wrapped his tattooed arm around you. You fell asleep completely warm and comfortable.

-------------------------

The downside to your relationship was easily that you could only publicly lay claim to one of the guys at a time, and it had just been easier to stay Tyler's girlfriend. As you stood outside the locker room waiting for the guys to come out you noticed the crowd of girls gathered around by the barricade in their Benn jerseys and it made you see red. You tried really hard to hide your jealousy, but it wasn't always do-able. Tyler came out first wrapping you in his arms, excited after a win.

"Ugh, I wish they all went like that!" He exclaimed, spinning you around. It took him a moment to realize your excitement was a little faked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's stupid," you mumbled. Jamie probably would've left it alone, but Tyler liked to pick. He thought exposing where your weaknesses were made you stronger as a unit.

"Nope, gotta talk about it," he sing songed as you waited for Jamie.

"Ugh, fine," you huffed. "It's just hard knowing we're going to walk by those girls over there and there's nothing I can do. At least people know we're together. Jamie's like this free man, you know? I feel like I have no public claim and it sucks."

Tyler looked like he wanted to laugh, which caused you to roll your eyes, "It's not funny Ty."

"What's not funny?" Jamie asked as he walked out of the locker room. You couldn't help but appraise how good he looked too. You wanted to kiss him... But you knew that wouldn't happen until you were in the car. Meaning first you had to brave the throngs.

"Someone's jealous," Tyler answered, as you blushed.

"Oh, really?" Jamie laughed.

"You guys both suck," you said as you stomped away.

They laughed as the followed you, as Tyler shouted, "You're hot when you're mad,"Causing the girls you were passing to go crazy.

You turned around and flipped them both off, before resuming your march back to the car. Surprisingly Jamie showed up before Tyler, and you quirked an eyebrow.

"He's signing jerseys," Jamie explained.

"You know it's just as strange for me too," Jamie said after a long moment. You turned and looked at him, confused. "I have to give vague answers about who I'm seeing, or make sure if I post a picture of us together Tyler is there.... It's not any easier just because some girls think I'm single. I don't feel single. I'm so crazy in love with you it blows me away, I don't want to hide or pretend that this isn't real. It is, and I need to know that you know that."

You launched yourself at him then, fusing your lips to his as you leaned over the console, "I love you too, Jamie," you said. "I don't question your love. I just wish I could express it more publicly."

You settled back into your seat, and you noticed Tyler walking towards the car. He pouted as he got in the backseat.

"Just get my number tattooed on you," Jamie joked, winking at you as Tyler got settled.

"Well you are my favorite," you played along.

"Excuse me," Tyler interjected. "If you're getting anyone's number it should be mine! I like tattoos more," he proclaimed. "Besides I thought you were mad at Jamie, now you're ganging up on me!"

"What can we say Tyler, we're just emotionally healthy," Jamie joked. "You're the one who decided to hand out and flirt."

You laughed as Tyler grumbled in the backseat.

----------------------

Fifteen days. The words felt like an echo in your mind, resonating with self pity. Jamie and Tyler would be gone for fifteen miserable days, and someone had to stay home with the dogs. Gerry laid his head in your lap as you sat on the couch, and both boys were packing.

"I'm mad at you," you whispered to him. He looked at you, before deciding to kiss your cheek. "Yeah yeah, you're forgiven," you sighed getting up off the couch.

"Jamie!" You called out, walking up stairs.

"What?" He yelled from his closet, you went in search of him.

"What are you doing?" You whined.

"I'm packing baby," he said gently. Kind of confused.

"You're supposed to be the responsible one, why'd you wait until the last minute?" You groaned flopping on his bed. It had been almost a year in this house and you could count on one hand the number of times he'd slept in here. Tyler got banished more to his room than Jamie ever did.

"Because you insisted that it was more important that we play Mario last night," he reminded you.

Tyler came wandering down the hall just then, "Hey Jamie, do you have any..." He laughed when he saw you. "Someone's feeling whiny huh?"

"You have no idea," you pouted. "If I kneecap you can you stay home?" You asked sitting up.

"They'd sideline me, I'd still have to go," he reminded you.

"Jamie," you pouted. "You're the captain, can't you do anything?"

"Sure," he lied, wanting to antagonize you. "But I won't." He grinned.

"You're both awful," you grumped. "I'm going to spend so much money while you're gone."

That one got Jamie to laugh, "And that's different... how?"

You sighed dramatically, as you headed for the door, "I don't like either of you anymore."

You heard their laughter as you went in search of something to keep you distracted. You wound up just cleaning the kitchen, and when you did you found a business card for the tattoo artist that the guys used. You'd never gotten one, but you did want one. It gave you an idea, and you tucked the card into your back pocket as you heard the guys coming downstairs.

Tyler kissed you first, a playful nip on your lips followed by a slow dance with his tongue. Jamie was more forceful, crushing your body into his as he cupped your face. They really were two halves that made you feel whole, and you felt so overwhelmed by how much you simply just felt for them.

-------

When the guys got home, they were surprised you weren't at the door waiting like normal. Instead you were out in the pool with the dogs. You smiled brightly as they came out to greet you.

"The fearsome warriors return," you giggled.

"Ah, mi'lady twas a long journey. We have returned more victorious than not," Tyler played along, while Jamie shook his head chuckling.

"Well, I got you a present," you smiled, getting out and walking towards them.

"And here we just brought laundry," Jamie grinned catching you by the waist and kissing you deeply.

You moaned at the taste of his lips, trying to deepen it, before you heard Tyler clear his throat, "What about me." You laughed at his playful pout. Extracting yourself from Jamie and kissing Tyler. There was more playfulness there. Little nips and he drew your bottom lip between his teeth before releasing you.

"Now what about our present," Tyler wiggled his eyebrows.

"Not that you perv," you playfully slapped at him. Then appraising the two of them you added, "Well not yet anyway."

You undid the leather cuff on your left wrist and proudly showed off your new tattoo, "Look!"

You had a small heart inked on your skin with the numbers 914 in the center. You grinned broadly as they took it in, Tyler as usual reacted first. Kissing you deeply, while Jamie grabbed your wrist and kissed the mark on your flesh.

"Absolutely perfect," he grinned.

Tyler nodded his agreement, "Yep, I agree."

[fallen-in-dreams]

Rumours

Also on AO3. Pairing: Gaara/Sakura. Summary: Sakura overhears a spicy rumour about her relationship with Gaara and their friendship will never be the same again. GaaSaku. Canonish. Prompt: Week 1: Dating. Rated: T. Words: 4,433. Status: Complete.

Author note: My first of the weekly prompts for the tumblr GaaSaku Events. *Cross your fingers that I can do all of the ones I'm trying to finish.* Enjoy. ^_^

Warnings/tags: Just some mild angst and mentions of ShikaTema.

This is for the 2021 GaaSaku Event @gaasaku-fanfests​. I seem to be posting for events late or barely on time this year. Sorry. :)

.

  .:.

“Sometimes your heart sees what your eyes can’t.”

.

  It was supposed to be just another harmless outing. Sakura often took Gaara with her when she went shopping for presents. He was so hopeless at remembering birthdays and holidays like Christmas that she was doing him a favour by dragging him around with her.

And picking out gifts from both of them.

She hadn’t really thought there was anything wrong with that. Or that anyone would read more into it than it really was. Of course, the Kazekage spending time with a foreign kunoichi would get everyone’s attention, but like all exciting new things it would get old, and they’d soon move onto other things.

This was why, all these months on from their first public shopping outing, Sakura was still brushing off the curious glances as she pulled Gaara along, by the sleeve of his work robes. Twelve months she’d been in Suna. Six were spent aiding in a joint training of medical personnel as a part of a healing exchange program to further relations, and then eight weeks as the head of the hospital because Gaara was adamant nobody was doing it better. The last four months had been her lazy months, which consisted of her usual physical training regimen but also acting like a tourist and dragging Gaara along for the ride. So just what she’d been doing before, minus the teaching and hospital visits. Sakura had already achieved what she’d set out to do in this mission, but it hadn’t even crossed her mind to cut her time here short.

And she was finally used to being a constant source of scrutiny for the people of Wind. So here she was, for the second time this week, dragging Gaara out of his office on the rare occasion that he didn’t have either a shit load of paperwork or overdue training of his own to do.

The retailer looked up at them as they stepped into her shop, then smiled and bowed lightly.

“Welcome, Lord Kazekage. Haruno-san.”

“Kitana-san,” Sakura addressed her quickly before tugging on Gaara. He obediently followed and as usual, she did not notice the knowing smile of the elderly woman as she led the redhead around. Her eyes perused the rows of trinkets instead. They were supposed to be getting an engagement present for Temari and Shikamaru. It had been three weeks since the date for their party had been announced and nothing seemed to be good enough.

“Maybe we should get them each a present,” she thought out loud. “What do you think, Gaara?”

His eyes widened slightly. “One from each of us?”

“No, I mean one each from both of us.” He still looked confused. “A total of two presents,” she added, and he nodded. She didn’t remark on how he had stiffened and then relaxed at her words. Gaara was just weird like that.

“Ino got them a weird sex toy,” she said, rubbing her cheek with her finger as Gaara’s face turned pink. “Uh, and I think Hinata said she wanted to get her some wind scrolls.” Her friends’ letters had been all over the place. Everyone was excited that Temari and Shikamaru had finally gotten official and were moving their relationship forward.

“I…uh.” He crossed his arms over his chest, which was actually more of a nervous habit for him these days. “Well… we can do better.”

She giggled and locked arms with him. “Of course. I was thinking,” she said as they moved through the shop slowly. “Temari’s always gotta pretend to be this tough, warrior woman. But I’ve smelled the candles coming from her room. I was thinking of bath salts, but it isn’t a good gift for Shikamaru. But that was before this whole individual gift idea.”

Gaara thought that Shikamaru could use a decent salt bath. They could use it together. The idea of it made him blush and he pointedly avoided eye contact with Sakura as she babbled on about clothes accessories. Apparently, Shikamaru had once confessed to her that he thought belts were interesting.

“Maybe bath salts and candles.” Gaara said, interrupted her gushing about the embroidery on a handmade belt. “His & Hers style.”

Sakura squeezed his arm affectionately. “Brilliant idea.”

She pulled him along gently, not needing to tug too hard because he was fine with following her lead. This shop was mostly popular among young women and older couples. Their wares ranged from scented candles to antique dolls and handmade clothes.

“What do you think about this one?” Sakura asked, taking a strange bust off a shelf. Maybe his mind just went to stationery too quickly, but it just looked like an oversized paper weight to him.

“No good?” She asked when Gaara didn’t respond. He sighed and she tossed it aside. “Okay, next odd little smelly thing.”

He let out a light chuckle at that. Gaara pointed out a few more ideas and they half-heartedly argued over them. They picked up a few bath salts anyway, since Sakura was interested in some for herself, before leaving the story without a present for his sister and future brother-in-law.

“We’ll just have to keep looking,” Sakura said, nodding to herself as they made their way through the crowds of the downtown market. She was oblivious to the interested stares and giggling children.

Truth be told, Gaara was fine with letting Sakura make the decision for him. He hadn’t had to worry about choosing gifts for almost a year and he was happy with that. Growing up with no childhood had ensured he had little experience in the matter, but she was a good teacher when it came to social situations.

They agreed their last chance for a good gift would be the ninja resource store on the edge of the market. Such a place would normally not be in the civilian district, but the proprietors were very good at preventing civilians from buying shinobi utensils. Gaara bought an ornate spear from them two years ago that had been imported from the Land of Iron. He’d started collecting special weapons and suggested to Sakura that they have something ordered in.

It would solve the problem and save time. Not that he wasn’t enjoying himself. Gaara looked forward to these outings more than he was willing to admit out loud.

“Geez.” She hip-butted him. “You’re full of great suggestions today.”

Sakura watched as he blushed and mumbled about looking for something for himself in the shop and as he wandered away, this gave her the perfect time to sneak away. She knew full well he was collecting unique weapons and had one in mind for him. It wasn’t a gift for any special occasion, and she didn’t bother guying things for his siblings unless it was for something in particular, but Sakura couldn’t help herself with Gaara. Her friendship with him was on another level compared with Kankuro and Temari.

When it came to birthdays, Christmas, or just her wanting him to have something special, she’d long ago stopped agonising over the “what does one even buy a kage who doesn’t seem to want anything?” question. Personal gifts that showed she knew him were always well-received. He still had the katana shaped candlestick ornament that she’d bought him for his birthday, sitting in his study. Temari said he never lit it up, which to anyone who knew him, meant he loved it. It would never get used and therefore last.

Sakura kept one eye on where Gaara was in the shop at all times, and the other on the aisle of antique weapons as she perused. That was how she ended up standing in an aisle listening to two gossiping kunoichi. She’d just been minding her own business, looking over a row of ornamental kunai, when the voices carried over to her from the other side of the shelf she was leaning toward.

When she heard her own name being uttered, Sakura peered through the gaps in the shelf. They were a couple of chunin and either had below average sensory skills and didn’t notice her or didn’t care that she was eavesdropping. Sakura didn’t recognise them, so they definitely weren’t a part of the medical units she’d trained, nor did they frequent the hospital. They were also both staring off in the direction that Sakura knew Gaara to be.

The blonde giggled. "Lord Kazekage dotes on Sakura-san, it’s so cute! They just have to be dating!"

The brunette nodded. “Of course. But why haven’t they announced it?”

“Because they’re shy, silly.”

“Yeah right.”

“I’m serious. Minamo said everyone’s talking about it.”

“He’s probably still innocent I bet.”

Sakura rolled her eyes. It was so weird to hear people claiming she had a romantic relationship with Gaara while discussing whether or not he had sexual experience. But it was just a couple of awe struck chunin (and the claim of some random friend of theirs). She decided to turn away but stilled at the next line out of the blonde’s mouth.

“Maybe Sakura-san took his v-card,” the girl snickered, much to the appreciation of the other chunin. “Can you just imagine?”

Sakura flushed from head to toe, struggling to hold her composure. She didn’t want to imagine that. Her heart might just explode. Sure, Gaara was… attractive. But would she have sex with him? He was her friend. They’d never been anything other than friends.

Not that I would want more, she told herself, holding a hand to her chest.

“I bet he’d be a tender lover,” the other girl said, sighing deeply. “Haruno-san is so lucky.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” the blonde said, a devious look on her face. “I think Lord Gaara’s hit the jackpot too. Sakura-san has all that medical knowledge about the body. Imagine what she could do with it.”

“Like what?”

“Get his blood pumping. Warm him up. You know,” the blonde waggled her eyebrows and they both giggled. “She’d have him hard in no time!”

They giggled again and the brunette snorted before covering her mouth, mortified at herself.

Sakura stood there like a stunned mullet as they turned away from watching Gaara and started giggling and whispering among themselves. What the hell had she just heard?

“Sakura.”

She spun on the spot, startled. She hadn’t noticed his approaching chakra, engrossed in the conversation she was overhearing. Sakura turned beet red. He looked concerned when she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. When he made to move toward her, Sakura went into panic mode, charging at him and grabbing his arm. She ushered Gaara away, hoping he hadn’t heard any of that conversation. Knowing him, he wouldn’t even realise what they were talking about.

Gaara leaned in to whisper in her ear, “I found something special for you” and Sakura let out an involuntary sound she’d never heard before.

“Are you okay?”

Am I okay?

Two random chunin had just inserted mental images of her having sex with Gaara into her head. She was not okay. But she nodded anyway, not wanting to explain why her heart was now thumping. Blood rushing to her head. His hand fell to the small of her back. The warmth of his touch had never been more prominent than it was right now as he added a slight pressure to steer her toward the front counter. He wasn’t pushing her. Gaara never pushed her. He was always kind to her. It was so stimulating when he did that.

Feelings she’d kept buried for almost twelve months started bubbling to the surface and Sakura wasn’t prepared for the onslaught. How could she have forgotten this? Suddenly, she remembered the first time his touch had affected her. They’d known each other for years and two weeks into her long-term mission to Suna, she’d been lonely and exhausted when quite suddenly, Sakura realised those warm and fuzzies she’d been feeling were directed at a certain Kazekage. Her twenty-first birthday had come and gone, and she didn’t have any life goals other than revolutionising the medical world. It was a great goal. Professionally.

But after an innocent comment from Hinata about her love life, her birthday had gone from celebrations of “I have my whole life ahead of me” to morose “I’m going to die alone” thoughts, which were reflected in her spending the rest of the night drunk and being shadowed by Ino who was worried she might bring down a building or two, in her destructive angst.

Gaara continued to watch her as she worked through her mental problems but said nothing. He didn’t need to tell her he was concerned. It was written all over his face. It was just another thing she loved about him.

“Let me take you home,” he said. That deep voice of his made her shiver. Sakura felt her body flush again when she heard giggling behind her. (Were those girls following them now?) There was no way they hadn’t heard that.

After a few moments, he started rubbing her back in what he obviously thought was a soothing manner and she blinked heavily at him. Right. She needed to get out of here.

She cleared her throat. “Sure,” she said, her voice a little strained. Out of habit, she wrapped her arm around his. He was a lifeline as she tried to sort out her dysfunctional thoughts. The chunin girls’ conversation had opened a can of worms and she didn’t know how to put them back in.

Sakura glanced backwards in time to catch the women whispering behind their hands and staring at her and Gaara unabashedly. When had her outings with Gaara started such salacious rumours?

And more importantly: why did these people think they were dating?

  .:.

  “Gimme a screaming orgasm!”

Kankuro took the seat next to Sakura as she made her order to the bartender and chuckled.

“You might want to tone that drink down a little,” Kankuro said with a wink. “Gaara might get jealous.”

“Ugh!” Sakura groaned. “Not you too!”

“Whatever do you mean?”

She pointed a finger at him. “You all are talking about me behind my back. Starting rumours and talking about my sex.”

Kankuro snorted. “Your what?”

“I’m a joke, Kankuro-chan.”

“Please don’t call me that.” He grimaced.

She sighed. “What are you doing here?”

Kankuro waved a hand at the bartender. “Another screaming orgasm, please.”

Sakura snorted. “You’re getting more than I am, then.”

He chuckled. “Never delved into the local cuisine since you got here?”

Well, there was this one guy she danced and flirted with the first weekend after she started this mission, but her burgeoning feelings for the Kazekage wouldn’t let her do anything more. She wasn’t a slut and she appreciated that Gaara wasn’t one of those guys that slept around and used their testosterone to excuse it, either. So, she’d been able to settle into routine with him. Friends who gravitated toward each other. Friends who had dinner with each other (alone) quite often. Friends who decided important decisions together instead of alone. Friends who rarely had eyes for anyone else. Friends who didn’t have lives outside of each other...

She groaned and dropped her head on the bar. The awareness of her situation was painful. She wished she could go back to being oblivious. Because it was clear now that Sakura had been accidentally dating Gaara for almost twelve months. Did he know? Or was he as oblivious as her? Everyone had noticed apparently, according to two chunin and their friend. Did Kankuro and Temari know.

“I’m secretly but not secretly dating Gaara,” she mumbled. “And I didn’t know.”

Apparently, even though her face was pressed into the bar, Kankuro had heard her.

“I didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret.”

Sakura groaned again. “We’re not dating!”

“Uh-huh.” He clearly didn’t believe her. “Going back and forth then. You’re in denial.”

“Why are you here?” He didn’t respond and Sakura lifted her head up slowly. “Kankuro?”

“He’s lonely,” he said, staring into his drink thoughtfully. “I know everyone thinks Gaara’s put together and doesn’t need anything more in life than family and friends. But I know that under that oblivious and calm exterior that he’s a romantic at heart. He wants what you two have. But he just doesn’t know how to go about getting it.”

She frowned at him. His seriousness was giving her a bad feeling. Everything had come together so quickly, and she wasn’t even sure what to do with her feelings yet, let alone whatever Gaara might be feeling.

“He’s a bit clueless.”

That was an understatement. Sakura used to think he wasn’t clueless, since he often said things with such confidence that she believed he was more aware than he let on. But then moments like that day in the shop with the chunin girls and Gaara seemed completely oblivious to what was going on. She had no idea what to think of him anymore.

It was why she’d been ignoring him. She couldn’t handle the idea that he might actually return her feelings. She was a coward.

Kankuro put his drink down and patted her on the back. “Just… don’t hurt him, okay?”

Right. Easier said than done.

  .:.

  There were many things Gaara was good at. And so many things he sucked at.

He was proficient with multiple types of weapons and political nuances. But in matters of the heart, he found that he still hadn’t learned anything. He had no idea why Sakura was avoiding him and why his siblings were being more careful about how they talk to him. It felt like it had been back when he housed Shukaku and went on rampages.

The knock on his door startled him and Gaara debated ignoring that chakra signature out of spite but gave in and called her in.

“Gaara?”

He looked up and the slight drop in her smile told him that she’d seen the hurt in his eyes. She’d been avoiding him, and they both knew it.

“I need to tell you something.”

Gaara swallowed heavily and braced himself. Her contract in Suna had only a few weeks left but since the particulars of the mission had already been fulfilled, she was free to leave at any time, if she wanted to. This made his hear race. More than anything he didn’t want her to go. He enjoyed her company and valued her friendship. What he truly wanted from her was more than that and it had taken him months of going along with her intrusion into his life for him to realise what that “more than that” meant for him.

Gaara wanted to date her. He wanted to be doing all the things with her that Temari did with Shikamaru and that Kankuro was currently trying to do with Matsuri. And for that to happen, she had to stay in Suna.

Temari and Shikamaru are dating and he’s still living in Konoha, he begrudgingly reminded himself.

But he didn’t care.

Gaara sat back in his office chair as Sakura closed the door behind herself and shuffled her feet, twiddling her thumbs. She was nervous. And worried about his reaction. He attempted to smile and shift his body language to put her at ease. It seemed to work and before he knew it, she was approaching him with a sad smile and sitting down across the table from him.

“Gaara…”

“Does this have something to do with why you’ve been avoiding me?”

She nodded, biting her bottom lip. “I, uh… found out something. And kind of overreacted to it, got drunk, and took it out on Kankuro.”

Gaara couldn’t help the snort that accompanied a chuckle. “Story of my life.”

She smiled a little wider now. “It does seem easy to do that.”

“Did you hit him?”

“A little. In the training grounds,” she added quickly. “He’ll be fine.”

“Okay.”

She went back to twiddling her thumbs.

“You wanted to tell me something.”

Sakura nodded. “There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just come right out and say it. The whole village thinks we’re dating.” She paused to see his reaction, but he just stared, stone faced at her. “And uh… we kind of have been.”

“All the outings and joint gift giving.” Not to mention how he treated her so preciously in public.

Sakura frowned. There was no question in his voice, just his usual factual tone. He wasn’t surprised. “You knew?”

Slowly, he nodded.

“Why… why didn’t you say anything?”

He blinked heavily and lowered his gaze to the table. Parchments were lined neatly across it as he rarely let them fall out of place. The only matter in his life that Gaara let get messy were his relationships. They were inherently messy, so he had no problem dealing with them as such. Which was why he was so anal about everything else.

“Gaara?”

Gaara didn't seem to want to explain himself.

He didn’t want to deny or confirm that he may or may not be dating the Fifth Hokage's protégé, to the public. He let the rumours spread and did nothing to quell them. Gaara had even played up to them which he’d known was wrong but couldn’t help himself. There was no way that admitting this to Sakura would go well for him. Perhaps he could inform her over time, but right now the realisation of what had been going on was too raw for her.

And she could see his hesitation for what it was. Avoidance of setting the record straight. Sakura frowned. Was it because of appearances? Or something more personal? It could be embarrassment. She knew he’d grown up with little human contact, none of which would’ve prepared him for adult relationships. It left him in the lurch for so many important social interactions.

But why wouldn’t he want to fix this? It would look bad for the village if the Kazekage was pretending to date someone. Especially since she was going home in a few weeks. Her heart clenched at that, and she had to close her eyes to stop herself from losing control. Sakura had only just allowed herself to remember and acknowledge that she’d developed feelings for Gaara months ago, she didn’t want to break down in front of him now.

Why didn’t he tell me?

What was he playing at?

Maybe it was because he liked her? Sakura felt her skin flush at that. No. It was probably pride or indolence. Likely, he didn’t fully understand the ramifications.

“He’s a bit clueless.”

Had Kankuro meant that romantically? Or sexually? Or perhaps socially? She bit her bottom lip as Gaara turned his head away. The skin along his neck was tinged pink and his face looked slightly flushed.

All of the above, then.

Maybe he really was too embarrassed to push back at the rumours. Gossip was a poison though. In order to successfully rebuke it, you had to do so fast. And with the truth, not silence or denial on their own. Sakura knew this from experience back when she was still listening to Ino’s ramblings about Sasuke. This rumour had run its full course and nothing short of a very public breakup would get them out of it.

“Is it…” he started slowly, breaking her out of her thoughts. Gaara looked up to catch her gaze. “Is it really so bad?”

Is the idea of us really so horrible?

She heard that unsaid question loud and clear.

Sakura stood up and circled the table to stand in front of him as he swivelled on his chair to face her. “No.”

Gaara smiled. But it didn’t reach his eyes.

“You want this?” She asked.

This was the moment of truth. He could lie and revert their relationship to the way it was before, except with them being more conscious about not appearing to be a couple. Or he could take a hold of her and ask for the one thing that had been plaguing him for months. He swallowed heavily and she watched the way his Adam’s apple bobbed. Was it weird to be turned on by that?

“Yes,” he said huskily.

Desperately, yes.

She didn’t react for a moment, just scanning his face. He held his breath, waiting. Then Sakura leant forward, closing her eyes as his widened. But he didn’t pull away as she pressed her lips to his gently. His hands went to her hips as she rested hers on the arms of his chair, caging him in.

Gaara deepened the kiss, making her gasp and then plundered her mouth. He’d never done this before, that much was obvious to her. So, she took control, slowing their pace and sucking on his lips gently when he tried to hasten her. Sakura fell into his lap, her hands tugging at his hair as he wrapped his arms around her waist. As she straddled him, she lost herself to the feel of his body beneath hers and Sakura moaned.

The sound broke their reverie and the Kazekage bit her lip. Without pulling out of their kiss, he sent his sand out to lock the door and knocked everything from his desk with no concern for their wellbeing. Fuck caring about that right now.

Sakura grinned into their kiss as he pushed her back onto the table. This had been the right choice after all.

  .:.

  Sometime later, Sakura emerged from the Kazekage's office to find his siblings nearby, like they’d been waiting to find out the result of her talk with Gaara. She knew she needed to reprimand them, but she was too happy right now to care.

Kankuro raised an eyebrow at her. She looked dishevelled. Like someone had snogged the crap out of her. He fought to keep himself from grinning like an idiot.

“Sakura?”

She cleared her throat and stared down at him. “You’ll be interested to know that Gaara is no longer clueless.”

Temari groaned as the Leaf kunoichi sauntered out of hallway. Kankuro waited until Sakura was out of earshot and gave his sister a shit eating grin then stuck his hand out expectantly.

“I won,” he said.

She scoffed. “No, you didn’t.”

“Hey! I said they’d end up dating!”

Temari shook her head and took a sip of her drink to hide her smirk, then said, “you said they’d sleep together within an hour of resolving this. They clearly just made out.”

“Temari!” Kankuro pouted.

“Not paying up,” she sung, before following Sakura’s lead and sauntering off.

He huffed. Siblings were evil.

  .:.