#well fuck you adhd

[finely-tuned-line]

RP:

Log 217

FTL: FTLR-3 has been practically inanimate for the past cycle. I'm not sure why, as I cannot make any inferences into its current state. I have managed to extract a tiny bit of it from the room, without letting it contaminate my systems. The sample that I have extracted is currently in a secure container. I am going to analyse its genetics, attempt to figure out where and how my experiment went wrong.

FTL: I have also been working on creating a corrosive substance of some sort in order to disintegrate FTLR-3. It does not truly matter if I succeed or not, as an iterator named... LIFEGIVER, I believe is his name. He's decided that he's going to help me combat FTLR-3 via sending me some sort of corrosive chemical that is known to work against Rot. Either way, FTLR-3 will be destroyed soon enough.

FTL: My efforts int he creation of such a chemical are composed of me trying to make one from scratch. Probably not the best idea, but I am curious about how corrosive substances function, so that means that I have to engineer one from the ground up. Does not have a high chance of working, as my knowledge about the subject of chemistry is minuscule. And yet, it doesn't really matter, does it? I'll be fine in the end, what with LIFEGIVER helping me.

FTL: Even if he wasn't helping me, I think that I'd probably switch to analysing existing corrosive substances at some point. Build my own from there. What would I have analysed though? I potentially have something in my files, as unlikely as that is.

FTL: I hate to state it, but I'd have most likely turned to analysing the purified Void fluid that is my power source. Maybe I'd have ended up repeating the mistakes of Songs of the Negative Sunglight.

FTL: Perhaps it's for the best that I'm receiving help.

FTL: Echoes of a Paradox has thankfully ceased in their needless spamming of my transmissions. I don't know why they decided to do so, but I can only hope that they won't try to contact me some other way.

[lemon-tea-leaves]

If you're gonna go around talking about how invalid self-diagnosis is and how you should ALWAYS just go to a doctor because they're the experts, consider doing the following instead:

Reminding yourself that no doctor is infallible, and unfortunately there are shitty and VERY misinformed doctors out there

Advocate for the spreading of accurate information about the neurodivergence or illness or disorder or etc.

In that same vein, dispel myths and misconceptions about said Brain And Body Things™

Advocate for easier access to evaluation and diagnosis

Support people who have been medically gaslit in the past and just want to know what's going on with themselves

Support people who have had their life affected by their symptoms (despite not knowing what was causing them) and just want to know what's going on with themselves

Support people who just Feel something Wrong and just want to know what's going on with themselves

Just fucking support people and stop tearing others down because you're white knighting

There are people intentionally making a mockery of things like DID or being autistic, among other things. And there are people who mis-self-diagnose (usually due to research that isn't deep enough) and are fed misinformation which leads to them misrepresenting the disorder.

But there are also people who have the symptoms, looked into the symptoms, found something that matched the symptoms, and maybe FINALLY felt they had an answer when they couldn't find one because they didn't have the means or whatever the reason.

And you're telling them that they're making a mockery of a disorder because they wanted to find a reason. And it's because you associate them with the people on TikTok that you roll your eyes at. And it's fucking annoying.

TL;DR:

Maybe instead of being a dick about self-diagnosis, you could help set a path towards making it so people don't have to in the fucking first place.

(Also, as for my opinion on self-dx, self-dx with a good amount of research from verified accurate sources = A-OK. I'm saying this as a professionally diagnosed person who has had to self-dx in the past. I've been wrong about some things and right about others, and professionals have been right about some and wrong about others. But it helped to set me down the right path. I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't.)

[crimeronan]

listen this isn't a productive sentiment and there's a less condescending way to phrase this but as i'm in pain and irritated:

unfortunately for people with ADHD who are obsessed with being oppressed and having a terrible life, some physical illnesses are actually worse than ADHD. some physical illnesses do worse things to your life. and are more disabling.

some physical illnesses just fucking are objectively worse.

like i'm sorry i know it's hard to hear because you hear "some things are worse than ADHD" and interpret it as "ADHD is a fake nonexistent condition for lazy faker babies with no impact on quality of life," and i truly don't know how i can hold your hand about that. like i shouldn't have to stand up with a megaphone screaming n crying to get you to understand that ADHD is absolutely fucking NOT the worst thing that can happen to your brain or body.

and some physical illnesses will get you TREATED worse than people with ADHD are. by the public and your family and doctors alike. particularly if you're fat or a person of color or elderly or, god forbid, several of these things.

and being visibly physically disabled is not a privilege. because people will Still ascribe it to a moral failing or to faking or to being annoying, exactly like they ascribe your ADHD to being a lazy annoying faker. and you cannot turn it off. you are at the mercy of everybody around you. every day you simply need to pray that others are kind, because you are helpless in how you are perceived.

and of course invisible physical disabilities are subject to the same cruel assumptions that people make about ADHD as well (lazy, faker, attention whore, pathetic).

the difference between certain physically disabled people's experiences and the ADHD experience is that the physical disability is worse.

granted, not every physical disability is worse! physical disability and its impact on quality of life is a Vast Spectrum.

but some are worse.

like. they just are. They Just Are.

it is not oppression olympics to say this. it is just a fucking fact.

there can be no solidarity between ADHD people and people with physical disabilities (or other disabilities that make life Much Fucking Harder than ADHD), until people with ADHD stop fucking assuming that ADHD is the worst thing that can happen to a person.

like. i HAVE cripplingly hyperactive ADHD. but i am fucking TIRED of ADHD bloggers n influencers writing thinkpiece essays like "uwu, guys, maybe we should actually be Nice to physically disabled people!! and stop using them as gotchas in our arguments!! i just learned their lives are hard too!! sometimes doctors even belittle and torture them for funsies!! just like us!!"

like.

......YOU ARE THE DOMINANT ONLINE VOICE ON DISABILITY RIGHT NOW. EVERY VISIBLE NEURODIVERSITY ACTIVIST HAS ADHD. THAT IS WHAT NEURODIVERSITY IS IN THE EYES OF THE VERY ONLINE PUBLIC.

YOU JUST FUCKING LEARNED THIS????

[starfieldcanvas]

i think all the adhd people in the world should now be allowed to roast james somerton over a bonfire. first of all how dare you

[yourheartinyourmouth]

googling “jobs for gay idiot adhd losers who can’t do math and have no skills and have never been able to mentally and emotionally handle the responsibility of being employed” weirdly didn’t bring back any results???????????

[hoziersredguitar]

I miss old tumblr in the sense that i could complain about board exams and worrying about not getting enough to be eligible for my medical entrance test and i'd have summoned half the indian side of tumblr to sympathize

[figofswords]

anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already

[a-wondering-thought]

are you the night sky? cause i see stars whenever i stand up

-a very bad pick up line that would not work nor makes any sense but does describe the relationship between me and my brain

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

[rust-in-polar1s]

do you guys ever just spend hours writing down pages of autism symptoms (+stims n other shit) you have and then proceed to doubt that your autistic

[demo-ness]

btw i beat Another Crab's Treasure tonight*, and got the few remaining achievements i was missing (mostly just buying shells and activating Gun(TM), but apparently i had missed an optional boss in the grove too)

it's extremely good. it's a game about growing up in a world where nothing is fair, and the desperate struggle and rage that builds from that. maybe you can't fix the big stuff, but it's still worth helping where you can, rather than closing yourself off from the world. sometimes things don't work out, and people get hurt, but even at your most hopeless you need to keep pushing.

that's contrasted by the tone, which is usually tongue-in-cheek and/or straight up goofy, even in easy to miss background details. (some personal favorites: the CND Pharmacy receipt walkways with the subheading "CNDeez nuts gottem", the Gain dish soap parody called Loss with the decorative leaf graphics on it forming loss.jpg, and how Elden Bay seasoning has 62% daily value for sodium for only 1/4 tsp servings)

it's also arguably the best entry-level soulslike out there. i've only played 2 others, but ACT was far easier, and that was at the default hard difficulty. i didn't really mess with them outside of the gun achievement, but there's an entire section in the settings menu dedicated to fine tuning the difficulty down into whatever you need. or, again, you can take a gun that 1-shots everything, including the final boss' phases. it's funny EVERY time and the feature should be in more games.

also, Kril is just damn cute, and you can put an LGBT+ flag on him. 11/10 game.

[mispronouncing-michaelangelo]

nausicaä neck tattoo letsa gooooooo

[do-you-know-this-adhd-character]

Do you know this (noncanon) ADHD character?

SPECIFICALLY FROM THE BOOKS, HE'S BARELY IN THE MOVIES

Evidence below the cut!

In "Fellowship", Barliman is the owner of the Prancing Pony, and he is shown to be easily distractible - "There now, it's gone again but it will come back when I have time to think" and he talks about how "one thing after another drove it out of his mind".

Gandalf has this to say about Barliman in his letter to Frodo: "PPPS. I hope Butterbur sends this promptly. A worthy man, but his memory is like a lumber-room: thing wanted always buried. If he forgets, I shall roast him." (Spoiler: he forgor)

Despite this, Gandalf considers Butterbur trustworthy and corrects Frodo when Frodo calls Barliman stupid after Frodo has met him and received the delayed letter, Gandalf saying "you don't know much about [Big People] if you think Barliman is stupid… He can see through a brick wall in time, as they say in Bree".

[lesbiansanemi]

I hate when I’ll be complaining about some stupid bullshit a coworker does to other coworkers and half the time their response is to lower their voice and go “well…. You know…. I’m pretty sure they’re… on the spectrum, you know?” And every time I have a split second when I have to consider saying “you know I’m autistic, right?” just to make them vaguely uncomfortable for a few minutes and actually think about what they’re implying but of course I do not do that because the gratification is not worth a large sect of shitty coworkers knowing that about me and then talking about me like that every time I do something vaguely annoying or dumb but man…. It does get tempting sometimes

[measureyourlifeincake]

just took an adhd assessment and... i honestly dont see how this will be sufficient for giving me a diagnosis? i just had to take two tests, one where i had to hit the space bar when hearing a high pitch after a low pitch (as opposed to after *just* hearing the high pitch), and one where a bunch of letters flashed on the screen and i had to hit the space bar when any of them except for x popped up and like... i don't see how this has anything to do with any of the issues i actually experience in my life due to my probable adhd???? like ok i guess it has something to do with focus? which is a part of the whole adhd thing but not all of it? i did take a (very brief) adhd questionnaire as one of my intake forms before seeing this psych for the first time but that wasn't part of the assessment itself but even that (which was only like. 15 questions? maybe?) seemed like it had more to do with how i experience adhd

[loppiopio]

i've been sitting on this post for a few days now and it's literally just, me making assumptions about kudos i've noticed on fics lately (particularly aci since i've been checking that fic every week for book club these past few months) and this'll make me seem more insane than i already come off but by this point. how much lower can i go?

just going from top to down as of today.

[ShibaLee] i know you from your art on here!! tumblr user shibaleeart i'm happy to see more people in potentially enjoying the stories this fandom has to offer :>

[reiscm] shizuchansmilk?? what are youuu doing here? i didn't know you read shizaya fic tbh and i was surprised to see you here suddenly, relatively recently too. does that mean you just started the fic then?? after at least a year of being in the fandom right? maybe this wasn't from your first time reading it (same) but at the very least it shows you visited it not too long ago… i may be delusional in thinking i could be a contributing factor there because, why now? it's not like i'm the only aci advocate out there but i've probably been the most vocal about it around this time soo… well whatever it is, hope you had fun with it! i'm so curious what drrr comedian shizuchansmilk thinks about hit fanfiction a cheap imitation 👁️

i'm also recognising some of the other names around here like [anonymooose] and [durarasaiki] even though i haven't the faintest idea who they might be. i've just been seeing them lately across different shizaya fics which probably means these are the people doing their shizaya fic dive around this time. i have nothing more to add there i just, think it's cool noticing the same names across fics like yeah, we all feasting on the shizaya tag rn.

[ya_boi_twink] it took me a second to recall where i'd recognised your name from and then it hit me. i knoooow you! tumblr user yaboitwink in my notifs… i appreciate you, and i'm glad you liked the things i made for it c:

[bun_o_ween] oh i know you're here because of mr crapo. i hope you guys had fun with it! i wanna take the chance to also admit that like. the moment i found out you were that sebastian writer i experienced the wildest sense of deja vu. because. i had seen your name on ao3 before. but when i checked your fics there was no way i'd read a fic from you?? so then i realised i must have recognised you... through other kudos on other fics??? dude. i must sound crazy, i have no way of proving this because i actually don't remember what fics these were i just vaguely remember it was either bsd or tgcf? that i was looking at fics for, trying to find something to sate my hunger at the time. and i just remember, noticing your name across like a few of these fics in a row and thinking "heh someone else has been going down the same rabbit hole" AND NOW I SEE YOU AND CRAPO OF SHIZAYA FANDOM HITTING IT OFF it was surreal. like. my awareness of you had zero to do with black butler, i could not have predicted that you would have been the random ao3 user i'd seen apparently enjoying some of the same fics i was not too long ago. wow.

there are like two separate flamingo related names around here [niceflamingo] and [flamingoo] which doesn't mean anything but for some reason they are standing out enough for me to want to mention them. i feel like i've seen ao3 user flamingoo in the kudos of some other fic before but idk.

[Luzki] omg hey!! twitter artist vi_138_ woah hiii funny seeing you here :0 especially like. not so long ago? since i'd imagined you would've been aware of the fandom for a while since you seem more invested in the alts than shizuo and izaya in particular? well it was cool seeing that you'd read this one, i hope ya had fun!

[frogsarefriends] right under that is artist hallucxnating >:O i know they've read the fic already but it was cool to actually recognise their kudo down here, especially since it's like. not recognisable just from the name alone, but you've shared links to this ao3 as your writing so now i know it's you. my impression is that you came into the fandom through slavhew since, i'd connected the dots at some point that you two were friends which. made a lot of sense since i noticed you both started being active around here at the same time lol. but hey!! welcome to the club :D

[7FlyingPancakes7] this is one of the ones i'd noticed earlier on during book club, i distinctly remember checking a chapter while walking home one night (because i do that i guess) then BAM what the hell?? i just see tumblr user mari-lair's ao3 appear down there, totally out of nowhere for me. for context this was a writer from the tpn fandom i recognise from like 4 years ago? idk it's been a while, i didn't talk to them much but they were active in the fandom at the time so i'm familiar with their name. i haven't been keeping up with them but last i'd seen they seemed to be into tbhk with no indication as far as i was aware that they'd shown any interest in shizaya. nothing wrong with that it was just unexpected, so i was just like woah!! how did you get here? i am so curious how they may have come across this fic, was it some rec from a friend? how familiar are they with shizaya? how invested were they in the story and characters? enough to go down more of shizaya's greatest hits? anyways, that was just a fun little small world moment for me.

[psych0tastic] hey isn't this…. axietoh? like, the artist who used to draw shizaya like 5 years ago? what are they doing here so high up the list? 🤔 i have no clue lol i still follow them because i really like their art style but i hadn't noticed their interest in shizaya resurfacing... i suppose they just haven't been too active on these socials in general. anyways their name stood out to me and i was like, wait….. well it's a shocker seeing their name so high up here, were they reading this fic for the first time there or were they revisiting it and happened to have not kudo'd it until then? well anyways, it's nice to see they've revisted the fic within the last two years at least :0 that's cool to me.

[MiyukiWynter] dude i was feeling crazy just now trying to figure out where i'd recognised this name from because i'd swwooooorn i'd seen it from somewhere like as someone on twitter?? i think i was mixing them up in my mind with unrelated (as far as i'm aware) twitter user miiyankhr but turns out they're someone who's fics i've seen in the tags before. i haven't read them myself but apparently they just posted a new one two days ago so that's crazy.

[Dodomka] heyyy it's dodo from twitter, hellooo 👋 they've been the biggest supporter for my deep in the sauce fic tweets and for that i appreciate them very much :3 didn't expect to see them here tbh i wasn't aware of when they'd first read the fic but as i was expanding the list a few times to write up this post i noticed their name here and just thought that was neat. shout-out to them!

[mochi010] there's a user named mochi that has shown up in my twitter notifs somewhat regularly and they have nothing on their account so i have zero clue what they might be like outside from that they've been liking my shizuo and izaya retweets. their handle isn't even mochi so i have very little reason to believe this could be them but idk, maybe? no conclusion has been made here. well i already spent time writing and cleaning up the paragraph, guess i'm leaving it in.

shout-out to [ouiouipussay] and [ramenflavorpacketsnorter420] just for having some names that stand out lol. i don't recognise you from anywhere but, i guess now i will if i ever come across those names again.

[Stupidusernamepolicy] i struggled to find you amidst all these names for the writing of this post 💀 had to ctrl+f that shit. but i remember seeing your name here while i was going through the list some days before and being like "oh hey!! it's slavhew :)" but okay there's actually a tangent i've been wanting to go on from here.

outside of aci i've actually been noticing you and hallucxnating double duo'ing under some fics together, like after the story era which i'd reread after hallu reminded me of its existence in a reply, and also sacramental which i had reread because of your reply, lol. i find this quite funny, just like. this visual representation of you two reading and recommending fics with each other. then you talk about it on twitter and more people like me are visiting this fic too. chain reaction of sharing stories :)

ALSO [anonymooose] and [durarasaiki] spotted down here in some of these kudos too!! that's craazy. wow. i tell you guys i'm recognising these names i'm not just crazy 😭

[NotElectricT] this took me a second to dig up again since it's quite buried down that list at this point but the plan i'd had in mind for this post was to end on this one since i saw them kudo it right in front of me (through the vc stream) and i didn't think this post would get as long as it did but... well i already wrote it 😬 but yeah, this is my good friend note! check out this art they made for, still one of their favourite chapters, sharks fly. it's sandwiched in between some squid game au they made for a gift exchange for me..... it's a long story i don't wanna talk about it (embarrassing......)

but what i do wanna talk about!! is how note (referred to as "patient zero" regarding aci book club by the only other patient lol) just decided to read this fic completely of their own volition?? i didn't tell them to do that and for sure didn't expect them of all people to try reading it, ever (they're not really a fic reader) but they just did that, two years ago. and that was like, insane to me at the time because it's seriously so out of their depth guys they don't do enemies to lovers.... they still don't lol. but i was insane about this fic back then with no one to really be insane about it to so i just yelled about it to these friends out of context and i guess???? that was convincing enough to get this one to start the longest fic they'd ever read 💀

i had much fun having someone experience the fic i'd been insane over..... like i'm smiling about it rn thinking about the time i did a live reading of the chainsaw man (as i like to call him) chapter which was so fun i kinda forgot i had a hamilton musical i was supposed to watch that evening... that was awkward. and other chats we exchanged regarding the fic (they were reading chapters whenever they felt like it which i enjoyed because i like pacing these things out) but for some reason (i think things just happened around the time that disrupted the momentum) they never made it past chapter 26 😔 which was tragic to me but oh well....

well i'm am even more insane about this fic now because of this convoluted chain of events that gradually built and cascaded me towards whatever the fuck i'm doing now!! god. i've never made so much, anything, like ever. until now. because both note and rosa (who has not kudo'd this fic as far as i'm aware lol) made the decision beyond my expectations to commit to, a book club. which i organised. and i've been having a lot of fun! so much fun, there's all this wild "marketing" stuff i've been churning out in record fucking time by my standards. i've never felt so creatively fulfilled dude, never finished a thing in my life until these past few months. so that's awesome, and it's in large part because of note having committed to this fic again. so that's some of the story behind that one kudo haha.

and now we're at chapter 49, we're supposed to be talking about it tomorrow, which is today by now since it's 1 am but uhhhhhhh writing is so hard. i was supposed to just be cleaning up this draft i'd written like 5 days ago? i am now very hungry. there's actually more i'd drafted up from here just from more names i recognised as i kept expanding the kudo list that day buuuut i'm fuckeeeen cutting this off right here. i need to stop. the end.