#well i had lots of fun with this which is REFRESHING!!!

[tsams-confessions]

We're coming off anon with this one boys. It's long and I apologize but it's been weighing on my mind for quite some time.

There are three things people tend to know me for in this fandom. My art, my fanfics, or my thread on TSBS server. Said thread is a place where I talk about the psychological aspects of the show, as well as do character analyses and sometimes even analyze entire lore uploads for the kicks and giggles. I'm a psychology major, I also have ASPD. I made the thread so I could talk about Eclipse, who at the time I suspected had the same disorder I do and which was later confirmed less than a week after I made the thread. Since then Ruin has also been confirmed as an ASPD haver, which I personally deeply enjoy. It's fun for me to talk about my disorder and relate it to the show since ASPD is really hard to understand. 99% of people are inherently capable of empathy, and about 2% of that 98% lose that ability during childhood. So it's understandably not a very well-understood disorder. It's also a very scary and dark disorder, and I can say that honestly because I live with it. Due to this fact, it tends to be villainized in media, and I am very refreshed by the fact that TSAMS does a good job of not making their ASPD havers raving lunatics with a thirst for blood. 

Anyways, that's just background information. So far I haven't met very many weirdos about ASPD in this fandom. Almost everyone is very chill with the fact that I am a sociopath and I haven't received a ton of weird comments about it. It's a relief since I deal with a lot of open stigma and harassment irl because I refuse to pretend to be something I'm not. However, there was an instance in my thread when I was actively talking about ASPD, and a new member decided to. . . I don't even know. It was creepy and weird, and really uncomfortable. They basically told me that I'm 'too nice of a person to be a sociopath' and that they could tell that I wasn't a sociopath because they see the good in people. They also said that they were surprised that there are sociopathic people and inferred that sociopaths are pretending, whatever that means. They kept going to keep making weird and stigmatized comments about the disorder, as well as continuing to compliment me in a very unnerving way. I think about it a lot because it was very uncomfortable to be interrupted like that in the middle of talking about ASPD. There was the new mod online and participating in the conversation, but they didn't say anything to the person who was actively making me uncomfortable, even though I expressed such in the chat. 

I deal with a lot of stigma and ableism in my day-to-day life, where people tell me that I can't be a sociopath because of really stupid shit. Like the fact, I get along with people or want to help people in the medical field. Or the time-tried 'but you're a woman' comments. I don't understand why the mod kinda just left me to fend for myself and ignored the person causing issues, and while I don't hold it against them, I do have anxiety about this situation repeating itself in the future. It's not easy to talk about a disorder that the average person could not even dream of understanding, and it's even harder when people who don't know you are trying to tell you that your disorder is fake based on flimsy reasoning. It's really invalidating of the actual hellscape I had to survive to be able to even turn 18, and it rakes up my anxiety to a 10 just at the thought of it. There's not a lot of safe spaces for someone to talk about having a dark disorder, and even less for something as rare and misunderstood as ASPD. It's hard enough as it is being a high-functioning sociopath, and I just needed to rant, I suppose. Haha, could make it a "tl;dr even I get offended sometimes."

Anyway, not dropping names, but it wasn't a private matter. Nor am I upset with the mods, it's just a thing that happened that I think about a lot because it's a very rare thing for me to be offended. Glad that the majority of this fandom that I've interacted with has been willing to hear me out ASPD, but I just worry about having a repeat situation like this. It's a very sad thing to witness in this fandom that talks about inclusivity. We can't pick and choose our disorders, and where there are canon sociopaths in the show one would think the fans would try to be a little more educated on the disorder (not directed towards anyone and I appreciate the people who are willing to ask me things about it instead of making assumptions).

.

[thecartoonrambler]

Why Wander is such an important character

Very long post below!

Ill be rambling about Wander over Yonder, specifically, WANDER!!

The show in itself is already amazing, the episodes are short and fun, each character is oozing with personality and fun interactions and there are always ways in which it is all connected. Further on the animation of the show and overall look is absolutely adorable!

For me personally, Wander is simply such an important character and not for few reasons.

I love that Wander's silly happy go lucky personality is so addictive. He's a happy person, who gets happy by helping others in need, even to points where he gets himself in trouble (every episode LOL) But regardless i think they are such an important character traits to have (Happiness, altruism, Optimism).

In today's depressing and violent world, where everyone just fights with each other, a character like Wander can be a sense of hope or inspiration!

Of course, many main characters have these traits as well, but i think a key difference between Wander and many other optimist protagonists lies in their EXPERIENCE IN LIFE!

These other protags are innocent, naive optimists, because they haven't experienced "the real world" yet. And while it makes sense to have characters like these (as an allegory to growing up), they get really tiring and repetitive really quickly. They also commonly showcase optimism and naivety to go hand in hand. And its why a lot if people commonly believe that "realsim" is inherently "pessimistic" (it isn't btw. Theres good and bad in life, denying theres good, is denying reality)

Its extremely refreshing to have a main character like Wander, actually be hinted at being millennias old, repeatedly converting villains to good throughout the eons, out of a sense of duty (and perhaps also Pacifist revenge for his childhood, where its hinted that his entire planet was destroyed and he was the only survivor.)

not only is this also something that one learns, the more one watches (keeping the viewer intrigued) but the fact that so much about Wander's life and past is a mystery is what makes him a fascinating character. At first glance hes just some helpful guy, and the more you learn about him, the more you more you think "who is this guy?" Not in a negative way, but in a complete curiosity. Is it possible he's as old as the universe himself? If so does he know it? Who is he? What actually happened in his past? How did he live before his hat? Was there a time he wasn't as helpful? What caused him to change? Who is he? But at the same time, the viewer doesn't NEED to know. Theres no stress to, no hurry to uncover a mystery. Its like "mystery but it's actually completely low-key". I like that. (Im the kind to get into conspiracy theories or get crazy over plot holes, so the show managing this is insane)

Traits like these, especially in contrast to their personality being so so happy, child-like, goofy, charitable, it makes for an extremely interesting and fascinating character, that one doesn't commonly see in media! Which is really awesome! Someone that's seen so much horrors, lived through civil wars, yet tries to help a skeleton get together with a butch lesbian??

Its awesome!

Other that just that alone, he's helped me out personally! He in many ways reminds me of myself as a kid, i too was altruistic, always trying to help, struggled to say no, was positive and happy go-lucky and adventurous (well, as all kids i suppose), recently rediscovering the show made me realise how much i missed those personality traits in myself. That i had hidden them away, due to people making fun of me of being "too naive" and "too childish". Eventually Making me not talk to people really, and develop really bad self esteem. Rediscovering this show, and specifically how these "childish" traits can be seen in a very positive charming light, helped me realise that being scared of "coming off wierd", "coming off as toxic positivity" will always be worse than not being positive.... At all.

Ive heard from other people too that this show has helped them through tough times, and allowed them to reconnect with more positive thought patterns. Which is why i think characters like Wander are insanely important for media!!

Too much is too depressing all the time! We can create media (ESPECIALLY ADULT MEDIA) that isnt depressed. Positivity and happiness are not a crime! And im so glad a character like Wander exists to exhibit that!

[tulipsinthedas]

Just finished binging the Fallout tv show and 🤯 I've got so many thoughts running through this little brain of mine. So here's a very long rant no one asked for. Maybe I'll make a more digestible version later. Obviously SPOILERS AHEAD!!! Be warned!

First off - the lore. So many interesting things were added into the lore by this show that I find so fascinating, as well as theories I've had that were touched upon. All of which makes this very exciting but also leaves me DESPERATE for season two. The main thing that has really stuck with me is the confirmation that Vault-Tec were the ones to drop the bombs like hello??? I've always had an inkling ever since I started delving into fallout lore a good year or two ago that they were behind everything, but finally having it confirmed is so fun. Of course, some people out there are going to be irritated (L take) but this imo will make replays so much more interesting. Same with the addition of ghouls needing medication to keep from becoming feral. Although this begs some questions; what is the medicine? Is it just radaway, or something else entirely? Maybe it's connected to whatever Hancock used to ghoulify himself? Or maybe it's connected to Doctor Barrows' research into ghouls fom Fallout 3? Idk! But I hope it's answered in season 2.

Cooper being the inspiration behind the iconic vault boy mascot absolutely gagged me. It was kinda hinted at even in the beginning at the kids birthday party but I was still surprised. Pleasantly, of course. Other smaller things, like the BOS branding and helmets opening up, among other things, were also fun touches that develop the lore in ways that the games probably never would have. It's small things like this that despite livening up the wasteland, would be unnecessary uses of resources from a game-development standpoint. So I think if season 2 ends up being a banger like season 1, we could see a lot more tiny additions to the lore like this!

Secondly - the characters. I don't even know where to start. They were written so well which is such a critical part of a good series. Lucy, despite everything she goes through, stays true to her morals and by doing so, probably unknowingly, is changing those around her. Despite being stubborn, she's willing to listen and understand other viewpoints and adapt herself. It's so refreshing to see a main female lead who isn't written as either weak and naive or strong and boneheaded; she'd a perfect mix of both. I also appreciate them not making her a total push over, even in the beginning before she is given any reason to change. She grows, but never fails to stay true to herself. Plus the whole sex positive thing is an amazing touch to add as well, especially for a woman.

And while on this topic, Maximus is such a cutie pie. Writing characters that are selflessly aligned can definitely be a hit or miss, and without properly being fleshed out, can be one-dimensional, but I never felt that way with him. Despite trying to help others and be a good person, he still has flaws and does feels selfish things. They took the trope of the knight in shining armor, literally, and gave him actual human characteristics that made him feel real. Underneath his heroic demeanor, he's just a little guy who likes slippers and vault popcorn. Who just wants to be somewhere safe away from war and danger, to be where he can just relax and not have to worry. And his romance arc with Lucy is just way too cute. From the moment they met in Filly I knew something was going to happen and I was so excited when they finally kissed lmao. The sweet, innocent love at first sight thing they have going on is the perfect dichotomy to all the bloodshed and heavy themes going on in the rest of the show.

And finally, Cooper is reviving the inner ghoul lover in me and I cannot complain at all. As a certified Hancock lover, I feel seen ✋ also Walton Goggins is just incredibly fine. But that's besides the point. His character is arguably the best written because despite being an undeniably evil person, he is still likeable. 200 years have turned him into a man who had to lose his humanity to survive, and the pre-war flashbacks being shown through his eyes give him, and the story, so much depth. Despite his ways, you can't help but still feel for him, to still root for him and hope that he still has a little bit of that humanity left within him. Which imo was shown multiple times; for example him not killing Maximus in episode two even though he easily could have done so. And the fact that he's still searching for his family all these years later? When he was asked what has been keeping him going so long, I think they are his reason. Whether he is searching to reunite or to exact revenge on Barb for dropping the bombs while him and Janey were outside idk. But it makes his story all the more heartbreaking. I also love the writing for Norm, Moldaver, Dane, and so many others, but this is already too long ass it is.

Overall, this series was so good and I'll be impatiently awaiting season 2! Some things I'm hoping to see next seasons are super mutants for sure, as well as synths and more of the enclave. I think they went easy this season to test the waters and see just how interested people are. And now that they know people are very interested, I think they'll be more willing to invest a larger budget, and add more. Rant over!

[automatonknight]

id: two digital drawings of a humanoid character and an old, beige desktop computer on a solid, black background. the humanoid creature has a sort of spiky ball of light for a head and its body is covered in wings-they’re on its ankles and arms, as well as two pairs on its back. floating around its head there are smaller, yellow and orange stars. the crature itself is white with light pink and blue accents.

on the first drawing, to the left, the winged creature is holding the computer in its lap, leaning its head close to its monitor, which is displaying a drawing of the sun. its wallpaper shows grassy fields and a blue sky. the computer tower is floating neraby and the computer’s mouse is swung over the creature’s shoulder. one of the wires forms a heart and the computer is shown singing four notes. the characters are slightly turned away from the viewer.

on the other drawing, the creature is upside down, laying on its back with its legs propped up on the monitor. one of its arms is under its head, holding the computer mouse and the other is touching the monitor. this time, the computer’s wallpaper is an abstract drawing showing dark blue waves. there are two windows open-one is playing a song and the other is displaying a photo of a daisy in a grassy field. the computer tower is once again nearby. here, the characters are facing the viewer. end id

[ultimateinferno]

Anyways. Finished Yumi atNP. The Realmatic theory wheels are turning so I'm doing a singular post vomiting my thoughts. Major spoilers. Not a book review.

So assuming the Machine (or even cosmere at large) didn't just schlorp most of Yumi's investiture upon its destruction, which is a valid assumption since she nearly died, she technically still is Very Fucking Invested. According to Design, Elantrian level.

Which side note, interesting how we got confirmation that Elantrians have more magic than Returned. The bastards have to die, see the future, come back and eat souls to persist, meanwhile the silver people just automatically get the cool shit with no maintenance. Making up for the 10 years a zombie, I guess. Is Endowment stingier than we thought?

This, honestly explains how Nikaro was able to bring her back with his painting given there's a direct correlation between the amount of investiture a cognitive shadow has and how long they persist upon death.

That does bring me to the thought of if the Machine's repeated amnesia prevented... let's go with the term Sprenification of Yumi's cognitive shadow. As Vasher explained to Kaladin, as cognitive shadows persist in time, they more they're made to embody core aspects of their Identity in order to survive. Yumi has been dead for 1700 years.

You can rationalize this as the Machine pruning her Cognitive development. Then again, her mastery of stacking (which honestly very fun talent, love that for her). I haven't read TLM (despite having it digitally), but it's been discussed that Kelsier may already be undergoing that process, and he's been dead for only <400 years, so 1700 is a lot.

If not, I wonder if Yumi is now immortal because she is (was?) more invested than a Returned. That does mean she might eventually undergo Sprenification, if it hasn't occurred already.

Speaking of, I like how... a lot of the magic is just... not really elaborated on. Unlike other Cosmere books, where their fight scenes live and die on how meticulous use of the magic by our protagonists, and Sanderson likes to stress that there is a correlation of an audience's understanding and narrative problem solving regarding magic. It's... a big reason why there was that pre-Sanderlanche exposition dump. I'm wondering if there was a better way to relegate that information.

Anyways, the pre-existing magic system's primary basis is built on the pre-existing foundation of Realmatics and Perception. Expectation and perception shapes outcome. If you image the Nightmare as bamboo, it is bamboo. If you shove the soul of a 19 year old highly invested yokihijo into the body of an art school drop out, shit dude, that's her's now. With the dissipation of the Shroud I'm curious as to how art can influence the world from there. Can paintings more readily dictate the shape of spirits, due to their similarities to the Nightmares? This magic system I think is the softest of the lot, and I actually find that pretty cool.

Lastly before I wrap this up, while Sanderson has introduced cosmere soceities inspired by non-european cultures, (on multiple planets, no less), it feels especially palpable with this setting. While Roshar is decidedly not European but it's also familiar enough that whitewashing is an active problem within fan spaces. Meanwhile, here, it's so in your face about being not European that people have no excuse (as if they had any to begin with), but maybe I'm too much of a weeb that catching details was easier for me than others. It's cool, though,, we get to see snapshots of the culture as it develops through time, which is only really exemplified in the Mistborn novels so far. Not really relevant to magic but a musing nonetheless.

[favroitecrime]

just finished 12 season of bob’s burgers and i’m not ready for the movie not season 13

[nagichi-boop]

SHADOW IS WRITTEN SO WELL IN THE MURDER OF SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!!

First of all, just him showing up to Amy’s party is a step up from his recent “I will do everything myself, I hate everyone, imma fight you” attitude that we have seen. Secondly, and idk if it was intentional, but him attending shows he cares about Amy. He’s always had a special place for her after the events of SA2, so it’s nice to see him showing up for something that maybe isn’t his style for her sake. (Parties aren’t really his thing, after all.)

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

It’s also really sweet of him to go through so many lengths to try and get Amy’s present. I definitely don’t think he forgot to get her a present, he genuinely just didn’t seem to know that it was a social norm to bring presents to a birthday. If he really didn’t care, he either wouldn’t have gotten her anything or he would’ve given her a rushed gift. But no, he went through a lot of effort, basically foregoing the game, just to stall Amy so he could get her a present she would enjoy.

And not just any present - he remembered her mentioning a specific band she liked and that she hadn’t seen them live. This not only suggests he listens to her and remembers what she tells him, but also implies that he has had multiple conversations with her. Clearly he must have also done some research too since he knew that the tickets were going live soon. He thought this through, even if it was a bit last minute, and did his best to get the tickets (even though he admits to not being the best with computers, which is also nice because usually Shadow just insists he’s the best at everything). I also think it was sweet that he didn’t heavily protest Amy’s suggestion to see the band together. He hesitated, but then yielded. This…for a character who recently has been written to be quite selfish.

He seemed upset that he couldn’t keep this a surprise, but he also didn’t become enraged or lash out at Tails and MC/Barry. In fact, he didn’t really lash out at anyone at any point which is refreshing, since in most Sonic media that’s his go-to emotion.

Most of his expressions throughout the game are fairly gentle in fact. Sure, he doesn’t smile, but he also isn’t actively angry. And the one expression where he does seem a bit negative just seems like his resting expression, or at absolute worse just a little annoyed. He’s very mellow throughout the game and it’s refreshing.

Even after he has finished talking to Amy, Tails and MC/Barry, he offers to stay with them and help them with the investigation. Normally in Sonic media, Shadow has no interest in helping others and only really cooperates if there’s a mutual goal/interest. And even then, he tends try to do things on his own. But in this game? He actually cooperates, and what’s more, he goes out of his way to offer his help.

So far I’ve mostly talked about his attitude towards Amy. But what’s his attitude towards Sonic? People debate back and forth on whether Shadow hates Sonic and the recent games and media have made it seem like he does hate Sonic. But in this game? I wouldn’t say so. I mean, he’s literally hanging out with him and his friends and instead of having beef with Sonic, he just focused on making Amy happy. And even when the situation gets more dire and Sonic is found to be knocked out, he doesn’t make any snarky comments or anything. In fact, he actually helps to tend to Sonic’s condition, even if it was just checking his pulse. If he rly didn’t care, he would’ve left it to everyone else.

Man, I could talk for hours about Shadow in this game. I can’t believe this April Fools prank game is actually the best characterisation for Shadow we’ve had recently. He’s not overly aggressive, he isn’t selfish, he isn’t super edgy. He is still sorta cold, but he’s not rude or mean. He’s actually really kind (in his own way), putting his needs and desires on hold to make Amy’s birthday fun and to help everyone out. I seriously hope that Shadow is written more like this in the future and not like he has been. Maybe Sega wasn’t joking about taking on board the complaints of the fandom.

[angelltheninth]

Can you do BG3 characters being edged?

I can for sure! One of my favorite things. To write I mean!

Pairing: Shadowheart, Halsin, Karlach, Astarion x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, edging, teasing, cum eating, overstimulation, thigh kissing, biting, hair-pulling (for Reader)

A/N: I had a lot of fun with this.

SHADOWHEART

Would be interested in trying it at least but not doing a lot of it. She wans nothing more then to make you feel good so the idea of keeping that pleasure from you isn't her thing. Nothing she tries to calm you down works when all you want is to come but she's kissing your thighs, apologizing for only doing as you asked. You arch your back, pussy pushing against her generous mouth as you finally let yourself come, and her smiling at getting to taste you.

HALSIN

Is amused when you keep asking him to come but he keeps stopping every time. His hips don't slow to a crawl, they just stop and he keeps you from moving, allowing you to ask him to keep going but you don't get to squirm even. The only body part you can move is your pussy around her cock, urging him on as best as you can. He doesn't relent for a long time, not until he feels you relax fully so he can arouse you again.

KARLACH

Doesn't not take edging well because for her it's like she's been edged for years already. The only one who could touch her was herself, having your touch is refreshing. You can't pull away without her hands pushing your head back to her pussy and telling you, not begging, telling you to keep licking. It doesn't hurt that much to have your hair pulled on, she's very quick to smooth over your head but she keeps the pressure on so you can't keep edging her.

ASTARION

Goes crazy because you let him drink your blood while he fucks you but don't let him come. You know what your blood does to him, it drives him positively insane with lust. It's not fair of you, even if it's payback for that time he fingered you and then stopped, making you wait for the whole day to make you come. You're as bad as he is, which is why he vows to make you full of his cum later and make you watch it drip out of you.

[actualhumantrashcan]

I can understand a silly workplace comedy about pirates not being everyone’s jam but I really can’t understand the amount of queer people I see hating on ofmd.

like for one thing most of the debates turn into gatekeeping queerness (which I think has a lot more to do with the ages of the main couples than actual concerns about authentic representation but that’s another post) and the rest are just hateful because it doesn’t directly name or label it’s queer characters but like why do we need that at this point?? listen I love heartstopper with all my heart but it is exhausting to watch them explain queer identities sometimes (even though I do think it’s super useful for younger audiences I’m just not the target demographic!) and ofmd is an explicit, violent, adult show that doesn’t NEED to explain it’s character’s identities.

queer people past their 30’s are usually very well aware of their queerness and have had (hopefully) plenty of time to go through the arc of discovering that. so why would we need to see Stede or Lucius or Ed going through turmoil because they’re attracted to men when they have already come to terms with that at this point in their lives?? i for one find it so fucking refreshing to watch a show where the characters being queer is not their main arc, they just ARE queer and life is still happening to and around them. maybe that’s just the millennial gay in me talking, but it gets emotionally exhaustive to watch show after show where the queer character’s arc is overcoming homophobia. yes obviously homophobia still exists and yes obviously if ofmd was trying to be historically accurate these characters would be living in a very dangerous time to be queer but it isn’t trying to be accurate!! it’s trying to be fun and diverse and kind!!

and also, they aren’t pretending homophobia doesn’t exist!! it’s just addressed in a different way. Stede was emotionally abused by his father for his entire life for being “soft” and then was chased down by his homophobic childhood bullies, one of which explicitly told him that he “defiled” the great pirate Blackbeard by simply falling in love with the man behind that name. Meanwhile Ed was forced into the world of piracy at a young age and developed the entire persona of Blackbeard (who fits the toxic, violent masculine stereotype of the time) to hide the fact that he’s actually an incredibly sensitive and deeply queer man! and is told multiple times by male figures in his life that sex with other men is fine but it is absolutely unacceptable to be in love with a man. both of their arcs contain homophobic rhetoric that is still present in society today, but its never presented as a problem that they have to wrestle with. they don’t have to come to terms with what it means to love each other, they just have to overcome some trials that go along with the complicated lives they both lead as a pirate and former aristocrat. the homophobia in ofmd is woven into the backstory of each and every character, it shapes them into the people they are at the beginning of the show when all of their walls are up and they are performing the “pirate” roles they are supposed to play. and then we get to see them grow and realize that they are in a safe space, part of a community not just on the ship itself but in the life of piracy (which in the show is pretty much explicitly an allegory for queer lifestyles.)

anyway, I could rant about this all day but just truly why do we have to tear people down for enjoying something? why do we have to find reasons to hate something so obviously created with sensitivity to it’s queer audience and with so much queer joy? if historically inaccurate gay pirates going on silly adventures and falling in love are not your thing, fine! but perhaps just let people enjoy things and find your own things to enjoy.

[rosefires20]

Before I go to bed, here is a late night rant:

Q!Tubbo is such an interesting character. Tubbo, himself, has gotten the full QSMP experience in a way the rest of the new players haven't. We all joked about him having Brazilian energy, but he literally does lmao. He rolled up just like the Brazilians did all that time ago and just made himself completely at home in the story by complete accident.

I do think he got a special chance because Tubbo streams everyday and Phil went to Brighton to film Sorry videos the week after Tubbo joined. Tubbo got the chance to spend time taking care of the eggs and being their primary caretaker for a week in a way none of the other new players have gotten which has shaped his character a fair amount.

He is so invested in the eggs and they aren't even his kids you know. I haven't finished his VOD from today but I saw a clip of him spinning the wheel and the lava dropping on him. He tried to save Chayannes floatie immediately and the despair in his face at watching the lava fall on the items was intense as well. He had those eggs for less than a week and he got to know them in ways that only the rest of the islanders that have been there for MONTHS have.

It's just such an interesting dynamic to see. Q!Tubbo is also the youngest outside of the eggs which plays a lot into his character. He questions q!Fit because q!Fits involvement in other things that he can't share and q!Tubbo doesn't understand that. Q!Tubbo still has an innocence to his character that most of the islanders have lost over time which is really interesting to see.

In general, cc!Tubbo also just gets along really well with everyone so far. He's become a cemented part of the early gang with Fit, Pac, Foolish and the various others that join early in the day. His dynamic with q!Fit and q!Phil has been a lot of fun to watch because he pushes q!Fits character more than most of the islanders have and it's always interesting to see q!Phil with his closest friends/family.

Idk it's just refreshing to see. He's just accidently walked himself into this crazy experience that the QSMP is and immediately got invested. There's a strong level of relatablity there too that hasn't quite been around the same way since the beginning of the egg event.

[ma1dita]

omggg hope you had a great birthday!! do u mind writing a remus x reader who realize there’s smth more than friends between them, thank youuu

🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥

remus lupin x reader

a/n: gn!reader truly idk how this escaped me. me writing for my long lost husband in the year of our lord 2024?? this was so fun it felt like reuniting with an ex anyways fluff incoming

wc: don't... look at me... 1.3k

“So?”

“So what, Prongs?” Remus huffs, flipping through a textbook. Merlin knows why he even tries to study in the common room with the boys when all they do is badger him about nonsense.

“So are you and your little friend, well…more than friends? You two are attached at the hip, so where’d the little one run off to?” James teases, whacking his best mate with a throw pillow, “Get tired of you moaning and groaning about prefect duties?”

Well, that’s…you’re definitely not nonsense.

Remus blinks, brushing his hair away from his face and glaring at James before elbowing him straight in the gut. Tosser he is, acting like he knows anything about you or relationships in general when he’s been pining after Lily for years now.

You two are just friends.

Sirius lets out a loud laugh from his place at Remus’ feet. He’s leaning against the arm of the sofa, looking up at the sandy-haired boy with a cock-eyed grin, “If they were more than friends, Moony’s moaning and groaning would be appreciated and reciprocated, don’t you think?”

Peter snickers from the loveseat across the table. It doesn’t help with Remus’ mood, so he buries his head deeper into the boring History of Magic text, grumbling, “Don’t be crass. Just friends, is all. Don’t look too hard into it or you’ll melt what’s left of your brains.”

The three instigators look at each other, before looking back at their best friend. Just friends, he says. Sure, Remus’s the nicest guy around—a prefect even; the one that people count on to be the most morally sound out of all of them, the guy that people borrow notes from, politely laughs at jokes and makes people feel included in conversations. Sure, friends—they can believe that! Everyone wants to be Moony’s friend. But it’s the way they’ve seen him treat you that stands out.

Remus usually lags behind them now, breaking apart their formation in the halls (and yes, Sirius likes to be at the front of the diamond), pushing Peter up so he can wait for you after class. Also, anyone that could distract him from taking notes in Arithmancy is surely a force to be reckoned with (and a threat to Peter’s grades). He’s even gone as far as sidling up next to you during Potions and breaking their age-old rotation of picking partners since their first year (which left James with a botched Aging Potion, and Lily laughing at him as he limped out of class with graying hair and a hunchback).

So things were different nowadays, but one thing is for sure: Remus Lupin’s favorite game is being in denial.

“Maybe your friend knows about your furry little problem, Moons. Surely you really don’t think you’re gonna get any studying done with us?” James chuckles, before pushing his glasses up to clearly see the blush blossoming on Remus’s cheeks. Though it might also be anger, he couldn’t really tell—they’ve never seen him like this, ever; so blatantly obvious with how he feels about you even though he’d never admit it. It was quite refreshing to remember that Remus is still a normal teenage boy.

“You’re right, Prongs,” he huffs.

“I am?”

“I don’t know why I even bothered to try and study with you lot if all of you are too focused on me instead of studying!” Remus is shoving his books into his knapsack as the boys continue to rib at him to get him to stay. This essay isn’t going to write itself.

“Just playing, Moons!”

“Yeah mate, if you need an actual study date we know that’s not us, just hang around!”

Remus sighs as he’s looking at his friends' shit-eating grins as they go around him showing each other the map and pointing at something.

“What now?”

There’s a knock at the portrait, and the Fat Lady’s shrill voice could be heard from where they were sitting. Peter jumps up, sticking his face over the enchanted parchment as he giggles a bit like a schoolgirl, “It’s for you. Your friend’s outside.” They all cheer and laugh at Remus shaking his head, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder walking quickly away from them.

When he sees you chatting with the Fat Lady, it’s almost as if he’s in a stupor, studying every inch of your face until your eyes finally meet his and you grin and wave at him.

Just friends, he reminds himself.

“Hey Rem! Was gonna ask if you wanted to go to the library together?”

Your voice is a treat in itself, he thinks—the lilt and manner of it so sweet and rich it almost reminds him of his favorite chocolate.

Good thing he has a sweet tooth.

Walking down the hallway together your hand bumps into his several times in passing, fingers ghosting against each other as if they were dancing, too close and then too far. Friends can hold hands right? Remus’s heart flutters as he thinks of the possibility like solving an Arithmancy problem. He supposes the boys and him don’t necessarily hold hands, but he imagines holding yours would be way nicer.

Is he sweating?

His palms are sweaty, forget it, and you’re just friends! You’re telling him about your day like you both haven’t seen each other in years, but he even sat by you at lunch earlier, much to the rest of the Marauders’ surprise. Though Remus supposes you could even make Divination sound interesting—maybe even make him look in the stupid tea leaves to see if you’re in his future, furry little problem and all. He realizes he’s been staring a second too long, bumping into you lightly as you stop in front of the library.

“Haha, you okay? You’re quiet today, Rem. Something on your mind?”

A lot about you, apparently, thanks to his meddling friends.

Remus scratches the nape of his neck as he grimaces, cheeks reddening again and instead of a response, he opens the door for you and puts his finger to his mouth as if to say “Shhhh….” before Madam Pince starts a fit at either of you. That, or him actually having to say how he feels.

How he feels… Well…shit.

You make a beeline for an open table near the corner, tugging at his wrist like it’s not making his heart beat out of his chest and Remus tries to compose himself, but then you look at him with your pretty fluttering eyelashes and he knows he’s utterly fucked. Pulling out your chair for you, you squeeze his arm in thanks and scooch your chair closer to his.

“Rem?”

“Hmm?” he responds, a strangled noise crawling up his throat as he coughs slightly, his arm landing on the back of your chair before he panics then realizes he’d look like an arse for pulling away.

Not that he wants to.

“How did you know?”

His heart genuinely stops. There’s no way you’ve caught on that quickly—especially not with him just realizing how he feels about you, his friend that he wants to be more and there is nothing casual about what he wants to d—

“How’d you know I was at the common room? You walked out just as I was about to walk in, I thought it was kinda funny,” you giggle, brushing your hair behind your ear and he takes a deep breath.

You’re just friends. But he definitely wants to be more.

“The boys told me it was you,” Remus says, chewing on his lip, “Apparently they had a feeling.”

And now, so does he.

What’s worse is that Remus hates admitting when they’re right (which is rare enough in itself, he’ll never hear the end of it from their inflated egos).

What’s worst of all is that for the first time in his Hogwarts career, Remus Lupin ends up submitting an essay late.

[alwaysmicado]

Trouble

5.3k | 18+ MDNI | fwb!Joel Miller x f!reader | pt. 5

Warnings: no outbreak AU, implied age gap, D/s dynamic, rough oral (m receiving), spitting, cum eating, leg humping, degradation/praise, humiliation kink, pet names, aftercare, feelings Summary: After you’ve distracted Joel from work with your explicit texts all day, he decides to teach you a lesson.  A/N: Consensual degradation & humiliation – my beloved. This one's for you if you're into unadulterated filth with feelings sprinkled on top hehe. Let me know what you think, I love hearing your thots! 🤍

pt. 1 ・ pt. 2 ・ pt. 3 ・ pt. 4 ・ series masterlist

“You sure you got nothing else to say to me?”

“I’m—sorry?”

“No,” he tilts his head and you see the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. “But you will be when I’m done with you.”

---

“Sneaking out for a hot date?” 

Busted. 

You sigh and turn around to face Kristen’s triumphant grin. Beautiful Kristen. The only person at your job with a bearable personality. 

If you only had Janice from accounting and her incessant yapping about her feral kids, or John from HR and his never-ending tirades against “modern women”, you probably would have burnt down the building already.  

Kristen’s been your lifeline over the past two years at this job. She’s upbeat, fun, a gifted painter and the closest thing to a female friend you have. 

Her only flaw: she’s so nosy it’s not even funny.

After your get-well-fuck with Joel three days ago where he left multiple marks on your neck, you not only plastered a bunch of foundation over the purple reminders of his fever-fueled nipping, you also wore a silk scarf which, in hindsight, was a dumb idea.

The first thing you were welcomed with when you came in that morning was an enthusiastic “You go, girl!” followed by giggling after Kristen saw your unimpressed face. 

You shoot her a half-hearted smile and raise an eyebrow. “Who says it’s a date?” 

Kristen’s grin widens. “Oh, come on! You think I don’t notice the way you giggle at your phone like a lovesick idiot?”

“Oh, shut up,” you protest in mock offense. What the hell is she talking about? You don’t do that. “I got a doctor’s appointment. Nothing hot about that,” you say nonchalantly.

Kristen leans in, lowering her voice dramatically. “A doctor, huh? Do you have an ache only he can cure with his special tool?”

“You’re a pervert, you know that?” 

“Yeah, duh. That’s why you love me,” she chuckles, causing the corners of your own lips to twitch. 

“Well,” she smirks, “I hope the doctor will take the best care of you.” 

You roll your eyes at her teasing, grab your bag and blow her a kiss before heading out. You leave the office with a grin, reveling in the sunshine that greets you when you step out.

The warmth of the day feels refreshing against your skin as you stroll to the parking lot. Your dress, despite being a result of prolonged laundry procrastination, is surprisingly comfortable, allowing you to appreciate the light breeze that rustles its fabric. 

The sun casts a golden hue on the cityscape and you can't help but smile at the small pleasures of life – the sun on your face, a staff meeting getting canceled earlier, finding twenty bucks in an old pair of jeans this morning.

Life is okay at the moment.

Despite work kicking your ass, your mother trying to guilt-trip you into coming “home” and the last hookup you had throwing you out in the middle of the goddamn night because his wife came home from her business trip early.

You’re feeling good. 

One might even say you’re happy.

If only there wasn’t this nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach.

You take a deep breath and straighten your shoulders when you see your Uber pull up. Get yourself together. 

The car winds through the city streets, and as you give Joel's address to the driver, you can't help but feel a flutter of anticipation. The engine hums softly as you navigate the familiar turns, presenting the perfect background to lose yourself in a daydream.

As you settle into the comfort of your bed, the world outside fades away. In the gentle embrace of your imagination, you feel a figure appear behind you. Their warmth is a soothing balm, and as they pull you close, a profound sense of security envelops you. The weight of the world, of your being lifts, replaced by the tender reassurance of this ethereal embrace.

In this imagined sanctuary, sleep finds you easily, cradled in the arms of solace. The whispered promise of warmth and safety lingers, allowing dreams to unfold like petals, undisturbed and serene in the soft glow of moonlight.

The notification sound of your phone pulls you back to reality. Glancing at the screen, you see Joel's name. You open the message and involuntarily press your thighs together, your pulse quickening instantly. 

Door’s open. Get naked, then come upstairs.You’re in real trouble, angel.

---

The familiar scent of Joel’s home greets you when you step inside. It smells more like home than your apartment or any other place you’ve lived in since you were a child. Safe, warm, comforting – like its owner. And it’s a surprisingly well-decorated and welcoming home for a bachelor.

So much so that you asked him flat out if he had a wife on your first night together.

You take your shoes off and put your bag on the couch in the living room before heading to the downstairs bathroom to wash your hands and quickly check if you look presentable. Your eyes are a bit swollen from lack of restful sleep, but other than that, you’re good to go.

As you take your dress, bra and panties off, you somewhat fondly remember the last time Joel ordered you to his home because you were sending him filthy texts and photos while you both were at work. 

You spent thirty minutes sitting still on his lap while he worked on his computer, his throbbing cock buried deep inside you. Every time he would shift in his chair a little, you would whimper into the crook of his neck and he would whisper into your ear how well you were doing for him and draw soothing circles on your back with his palm.

You hated and loved every torturous second of it. 

The office door is open when you come upstairs. Your eyes widen when you see Joel sitting at his desk. It’s incredible how handsome he looks. He’s wearing a black t-shirt, blue gym shorts and his glasses as he’s staring at the computer and typing something with his index fingers.

Your heart starts beating faster as you take him in, the domesticity of this scene giving you an unexpectedly warm feeling deep within you. 

“You just gonna stand there and stare at me?” Joel asks with a swivel of his chair, his body now facing yours. He saw you out of the corner of his eye before but now that he’s getting a good look at you, his jaw almost hits the floor.

He will never get used to seeing you naked. 

“God, you’re so much more beautiful in real life,” he murmurs, his pupils blown wide and the admiration in his voice unmistakable.

You give him a satisfied smile as you lean against the doorframe. “I sure hope so,” you tease. 

“Do you know why you’re here, darlin’?” Joel asks with a tilt of his head, his brow slightly furrowed.

“I’m assuming it has something to do with the silly little texts and pics I sent you to brighten up your day,” you say, feigning innocence. “Did you like them?” 

“You really think now’s the time to be a brat, huh?” He chuckles and shakes his head. “Alright, then.” His eyes sparkle dangerously as he sits back in his chair and spreads his legs wider.

“You sure you got nothing else to say to me?”

“I’m—sorry?”

“No,” he tilts his head and you see the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. “But you will be when I’m done with you.”

You bite your lip as your eyes focus on the visible bulge in Joel’s shorts, and try to suppress the huge grin that’s threatening to spread across your face. This is exactly what you wanted and you both know it.

“Hands and knees, baby,” Joel orders calmly and puts his hands on his thighs. “C’mere.”

You lower yourself on all fours without hesitation and crawl towards him slowly, making sure to sway your hips and never break eye contact. Joel’s the only person you’d put yourself in such a submissive position for and you revel in the exhilarating feeling it gives you.

Joel keeps his eyes trained on you, subtly rubbing his thighs as you come closer to where he’s needed you all day. His eyes are dark and full of need as he licks his lips and follows the mesmerizing movement of your body. He likes how you, despite your brattiness, know perfectly well where your place is. 

“Look at what you did,” he says, once you’re kneeling on all fours between his spread legs. He palms his throbbing cock over the fabric and your eyes widen a little, your pussy clenching around nothing.

“That's right, baby, you did this. And now you need to take responsibility for your actions.” He gently caresses your cheek, tracing your lips with his thumb.

When he presses on your lower lip, you instinctively open your mouth enough for his finger to slip inside. He presses on your tongue, admiring the feeling and your willingness to submit.

“Look at you,” he chuckles, gently rubbing his cock. “Such a little slut, always wants something in her mouth.”

He moves his thumb further along your tongue, causing you to furrow your brow and gag a little. “You couldn't help yourself, huh, just had to put on a show all day like the needy whore you are.” 

He takes his thumb out of your mouth and pulls his shorts all the way down, letting them fall on the floor next to his chair. His heavy cock flops against his lower belly, causing you to swallow and part your lips instinctively. Joel smirks at your reaction, enjoying the raw need sparkling in your eyes as he strokes himself slowly.

You start squirming, pressing your thighs together to alleviate at least some of the uncomfortable ache between your legs, and let out an almost inaudible whine as Joel continuously strokes up and down his length while looking at you curiously. 

He leans in and tilts your chin up, his dark eyes boring into you.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” He asks softly, feigning concern. He looks from you to his cock and back, raising an eyebrow. “All of this just because you’re a pathetic little cockslut with nothing else in her dumb little head than my cock. Isn’t that right, angel?”

You nod slowly, your lips slightly parted, hypnotized by Joel’s big eyes and filthy words.  

“Use your words, slut,” he growls, gripping the back of your neck to tilt your head up even more. 

“I just—wanted you so bad, I–” 

“Aww, of course you did,” he teases you, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Tell me your safeword, angel.” 

He looks into your eyes intently as you say it out loud, then puts a soft kiss on your lips. You whimper when he withdraws, the feeling of his warm lips lingering. 

“Open up,” he orders with a tap of his fingers to your bottom lip. “Stick your tongue out for me.” 

You obey and do as he says, looking into his eyes expectantly. You watch in awe and pure need as the thick glob of saliva makes its way down from Joel’s mouth and lands on the back of your tongue. A shiver runs down your spine as you feel it run down your throat. 

“Swallow.” He gently puts a strand of hair behind your ear as you show him your empty mouth. “Good girl.”

You moan softly at his praise and furrow your brow when your eyes find his cock again. 

“You really want it, huh,” Joel purrs, trailing your neck and chest gently with his hands. When he brushes your nipples, you wince a little, eliciting a low chuckle from him. “Spread your legs, baby. Let me see your little pussy.” 

He sucks in a sharp breath, his cock twitching impatiently when you sit back on your heels and present your glistening folds.

“Fuck me,” he murmurs, tracing your belly all the way down to your mound and stopping right before touching your clit. “Must’ve been uncomfortable to sit in that all day, hm?” 

He gently pulls your lips apart with his thumbs and index fingers, inspecting you closely. “Your little clit is so swollen, baby, does it hurt?” 

“Mhm,” you whine, his touch so close to your neglected bundle of nerves torturing you beyond belief. “It–it hurts so bad, Sir.” 

“Hmm,” he searches your eyes, “and that’s why you thought it was a good idea to send me all those naughty messages?” He spreads your lips apart further, eliciting a long moan from you. “You thought I’d fuck you if you did?”

“Y–yes,” you stammer, your legs trembling, “I’m sor–”

You’re cut off when Joel lets go of your lips and swipes his fingers through your dripping wet folds agonizingly slowly, once, twice, three times, barely brushing your pulsating clit. 

Listening to the noises you make and feeling your hot cunt on his hand is enough to make him almost come, despite his cock not having any contact at the moment. His eyes never leave yours as you whimper desperately, his barely there touch enough to build your long overdue orgasm.

“Go on, angel,” he withdraws his hand and holds his hand up to your lips, “clean up the mess you made.”

He pushes his wet fingers into your mouth, forcing you to suck your own juices off of him. You do so eagerly, sucking and licking his fingers, moaning around them. 

“You would’ve sucked my cock in front of everyone if I had let you, huh.” You let out a desperate moan, feeling your pussy get wetter at the thought. “That’s right, baby,” Joel chuckles. “Show everyone you’re my little cockslut.”

He pulls his fingers out of your mouth, satisfied with the job you did, then grabs your chin hard, his wet fingers pressing into your hot cheeks.

“You want it so bad, baby? Then beg for it.” 

“Please,” you whine. “Please let me suck your cock, please, I–I want your cock so bad—”

“All yours, baby.”

He leans back in his chair, clasping his hands behind his head, looking at you through lidded eyes. 

“Fuuuck, that’s it,” Joel groans as you start licking and sucking at his balls, then lightly trace the veins of his cock with your warm tongue, swirling it around the tip, licking up the salty precum. You look at him expectantly as you lick up and down his length, fondling his balls with your hand. 

He smiles at the needy look in your eyes, finding it unbelievably hot that you want to, need to hear his praise so badly even though it’s obvious that everything you do to him is and feels beyond perfect. 

“Good girl,” he says softly, eliciting a little whimper from you. “Now stop teasing and take it.”

You immediately hold him up by the base and take the tip into your mouth, sucking on it eagerly. You take him further, inch by inch, bobbing your head up and down his shaft until he’s nudging the back of your throat. Your eyes well over with tears as you gag around his cock. Joel groans in response, his whole body tensing as he tangles his hands in your hair.

You make a surprised sound when he leans over you and pushes your head down until your nose is rubbing his pubic hair, giving you no chance to move your head. He keeps his length buried deep inside you for a few seconds before pulling you up, a thick string of saliva mixed with precum connecting you two, only to push you right back down.

“Fuck, I love the sounds you make,” Joel pants as you choke and whine loudly. 

He pulls your head back up to let you catch your breath and make sure you’re enjoying yourself as much as he is. He knows from the look in your eyes that you are, but he wants to make sure before you continue. 

“What’s your color, angel?” 

You look at him with bleary eyes, but give him a dazed smile and whisper, “Green.”

Joel nods and caresses your wet cheeks, wiping away some of your tears with his thumbs. 

He traces your swollen lips with the head of his cock, loving the way his precum sticks to them. 

“Breathe through your nose, baby,” he pants. “Can’t have you passing out on me.”

You wrap your lips around his head, swirl your tongue around it, then bob your head again – messily, sloppily, just the way he likes it. 

“Good girl,” he breathes, thrusting his hips to slide in and out of your mouth, smiling at you and petting your hair. “Such a perfect little fleshlight.”

You tremble and moan around him, not entirely sure if his filthy mouth, his groaning, or the fact that he’s using you for his pleasure  is turning you on the most. You just know you love it when he holds your head steady and fucks your mouth roughly, taking what he wants from you, making you gag and choke, saliva and tears running down your cheeks, chin, neck, and body.

You look like a masterpiece. 

“I’m close, baby,” Joel pants, your perfect, wet mouth and the admiration he sees in your big, wet eyes making him tremble every time he thrusts his hips into you. You push him right over the edge when you squeeze his balls hard. 

He comes with a strangled groan, shooting rope after rope of warm cum down your throat and onto your tongue. You welcome it with eager moans, so far gone that you don’t realize what you’re doing until after it’s too late — you swallow it all without his permission.

Fatal mistake. 

Joel grabs you by your hair, pulling you off his pulsating cock, still breathing heavily.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh?”

Your eyes widen in shock, your lip quivering. “I–I'm sorry, I–I forgot.”

“You forgot?” Joel sighs and raises his eyebrows. He loosens his grip in your hair and looks at your eyes welling up with tears. You stumble over your words as you keep apologizing over and over again. You’re so perfect like this. 

“What’s your color, baby?” 

“Green, Sir,” you sniffle. “It’s green.”

“Now what am I supposed to do with a fleshlight that doesn’t work right, hm?” He tilts your chin up and rubs it softly with his thumb. “Do you think you deserve to get fucked?”

“I’m—please, I'll be good, I promise,” you choke out through tears and hiccups. “Please, I’ll do anything you want, just please—”

Joel smirks and leans back in his chair. “No need to tell me that, angel. I know you’ll do anything.” He lifts his foot between your thighs, eliciting a small, needy noise from you when he presses it against your swollen cunt.

“You’re so fucking wet, baby. All from being used, hm?”

“Yes, Sir,” you whine, wiping your cheeks and trying your hardest to stay still. “Thank you.”

“Such a pathetic little slut.” He rubs his foot against your folds, and you moan, closing your eyes, your lips trembling, your face hot from embarrassment and arousal. Joel presses harder and you cry out, your hips jerking instinctively. 

“Pathetic enough to hump my leg?”

He snorts when he sees the stunned look on your face. You are definitely startled, but you don't protest. Joel can see a mix of hesitation and need in your eyes, and he understands that he needs to push you.

“I’m not going to fuck you,” he says, gently petting your hair, “so you better thank me for letting you come at all.”

He sighs and pulls your head back by your hair when you don’t answer fast enough. 

“Use your words, slut.”

“Th–thank you,” you whimper. “I–I just–” You trail off, too shocked and embarrassed to finish your sentence, your voice trembling as you babble unintelligibly.

You hear Joel say your name and feel him cup your cheeks. “Look at me, sweetheart.”

You sniffle and try to focus on his eyes. “Tell me your color,” he says gently, his deep voice soothing your nerves. 

“Still green,” you breathe, swallowing hard. 

He searches your eyes and nods before sitting back up and extending his leg a little.

“Go on, then.”

You look at the satisfied smirk on his face before taking a deep breath and scooting forward, adjusting yourself against Joel’s leg. Gripping Joel’s thigh for balance, you tilt your hips forward until your clit makes contact with his hairy leg. You shudder at the feeling, a needy little moan escaping your lips. 

Joel’s pupils are so blown, his eyes are completely black now. 

You slowly drag your hips upward and duck your head, embarrassed that you’re actually enjoying this – and that you’re this wet. After slowly rocking your hips up and down a few times, you can’t keep yourself from moaning anymore. It feels to fucking good.

You shift a little and allow yourself to set a pace that will make you come. You nuzzle your face against Joel’s thigh and don’t hold back anymore, rutting against his leg with abandon, chasing your release. 

“That’s it, angel,” Joel purrs, gently brushing a wet strand of hair out of your face. “You’re doing so well for me.”

You rock your hips against his leg over and over again, your brows furrowed, whimpering desperately as you grind your wet folds against Joel’s leg, the friction causing your whole body to shudder.

Joel fucking loves seeing you like this; pliant, obedient, wanting to be good so badly that you’d do anything to please him. Most of all, though, he loves how much you trust him. 

“You’re such a good girl,” he praises, tilting your chin up to look into your glazed over eyes. “My good girl.”

You moan at his words, your fingers digging into the flesh of his thighs, your hips jerking frantically, desperate for release. Joel smiles softly at your reaction, reveling in the fact that he's ruining you for anyone else.

He fucking delights in it.

“That’s right, angel. Keep looking at me with those beautiful eyes.”

You barely hear what he says as your breathing comes out in noisy, deep gasps, too far gone, too overwhelmed to feel embarrassed at fucking yourself on Joel’s leg. There are no thoughts left in your brain, your only focus now is chasing your climax.

“Feels good, huh? Such a spoiled brat, aren’t you,” he taunts, marveling at your blissed out expression and the sheen of sweat glistening on your naked body.

“You think you deserve to come, hm? Even though you’re just a dumb little whore, only good for taking my cock in all her holes?”

That’s almost enough right there to tip you over the edge. 

“Tell me what you are.”

You let out a choked sob, fresh tears making their way down your cheeks. Joel wipes them away with his thumbs as you stutter, “I’m–I’m your dumb little whore, Sir. I’m all yours — please, please–”

He gives you a warm smile as his dark eyes bore into. “Come for me, angel.”

You press your throbbing clit hard against him, humping his leg feverishly until the tension finally snaps and shockwaves grip your whole body, your legs trembling as you moan uncontrollably. Your walls contract around nothing as you collapse onto Joel’s thigh and start sobbing.

It’s all too much right now. 

He immediately draws you into his strong arms, lifting you up and cradling you. “Shh, sweetheart,” he purrs, holding you tight and stroking your hair, “you did so well. Are you alright, hm? You want me to go get you a towel?”

Your eyes widen at the suggestion of him leaving you, causing you to shake your head fervently, your tears flowing freely now as you gradually come down from your high. 

“Shh, it’s okay, baby” he coos, putting soft kisses on the top of your head and rubbing soothing circles on your back. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

You're still naked and Joel wants you to feel comfortable and warm, so he swivels you two towards the couch to snag the blanket and drape it over you. He holds you close, whispering into your hair how well you did and how good you are, intermittently pressing soft kisses on your wet face. 

You feel the steady rise and fall of his chest with each breath, a comforting rhythm that wraps around you like a protective cocoon. The warmth emanating from his body seeps into yours, making you feel calm and protected. 

Joel’s not surprised that you need physical affection and closeness right now, knowing that humiliation is one of the most effective ways to make you fly – and crash.

Falling apart in front of somebody, allowing them to see you in such a raw, uninhibited state, is an incredibly vulnerable act.

Joel is not taking your trust lightly. 

When he sees you wipe your nose with your arm, he swivels you back to his desk and opens the drawer to get you some tissues. Your heart skips a beat when you see what else is inside, but you keep quiet. 

“Was I really good?” You mumble after listening to Joel’s calming heartbeat for a few minutes.

“You were perfect, baby,” he says softly, pressing a tender kiss on the crown of your head. 

“So, can you fuck me now?”

The vibrations of Joel’s chuckles reverberate beneath you, making you laugh yourself. 

“How about we make sure you drink enough and eat something first, hm?”

“Just say that your refractory period is getting longer, old man.” 

“Why, hello,” he laughs and pinches your sides, making you squeal, “the princess is back.” You lift your head to look into his eyes. His beautiful, warm eyes. “You think I’ll fuck you if you keep being a brat, hm?” 

“That’s exactly what I think. Because you always do. Because you love it.” 

“Wow,” he chuckles and shakes his head. “All this just now and you’re still sassing me?”

“Just admit you fucking love it, so we can move on and decide what we wanna have for dinner,” you murmur. 

Joel can’t hold back the beaming smile that’s spreading across his face.

Save for last time, you usually leave shortly after you’ve come down. He’ll sometimes ask if you want to stay a bit, but will never pressure you into doing so – even if it hurts him. 

And it does, sometimes, if he’s being honest. 

“Alright, alright,” he sighs deeply, his smile betraying his mocking tone. “I fucking love it when you’re a little brat and torture me all fucking day, making me sit in a fucking meeting for hours on end with a hard cock, listening to some rich fucks who want me to build some bullshit building for them.” 

You giggle at the description of his day and kiss his dimple. “I really am sorry, you know.”

“No you’re not,” he shakes his head. “Now, what are you in the mood for?”

“Can we, um, can we go eat the fattiest, unhealthiest junk food ever and then wash it down with huge cups of pure sugar, so we’re both gonna have a stomach ache for the next three days?” 

“Have I ever told you you’re perfect before?”

---

You step out of the shower, dry off, wash your face with Joel’s face wash and drink a glass of water. Joel put your bag outside the door when you were in the shower, giving you space to do your thing and going downstairs to take a shower there himself.

You’re kind of tired now, feeling a little burnt out.

You put on your panties and retrieve the comfy gym shorts you were smart enough to bring with you from your bag. They’re the only other clean piece of clothing besides the dress you could find in your drawer this morning.

“Joel?” You shout from the top of the stairs. 

“Yeah?”

“Can I borrow a t-shirt?” 

“Sure, darlin’. Just grab one you like.” 

“Thank you.” 

You smile and make your way to Joel’s bedroom. Opening the drawer, your eyes fall on a white shirt you’ve seen him wear many times. Don’t do it. You sigh defeatedly and lift the shirt up to your face, inhaling the unmistakable scent. 

Then you suddenly remember it. Fuck. You need to make sure. 

You put on the shirt and quickly walk to the office. Taking a deep breath and making sure Joel’s not watching you snoop through his things, you open the drawer. 

The polaroid feels strange in your hand as you lift it to take a closer look. 

It’s one of Tommy, you and Joel in it, from the night Tommy introduced you two. You don’t even remember taking this one, but now that you’re looking at it, you see something. It’s the way you’re smiling.

You turn the photo and read the handwritten note that catches your eye. 

when I met her

You swallow hard and put it back. It doesn’t mean anything. You hung the other polaroid, the one of only you and Joel, up in your apartment and that doesn’t mean anything either—right?

“Babe?” Joel’s voice pulls you back.

You turn around and look at him, startled. “I, uh, was just looking for some batteries. Couldn’t find any though.” 

“I got plenty downstairs,” he says with a tilt of his head. “Come on, let’s go.”

---

You’re sitting in a booth, munching on your burger, intermittently sipping your soda. You don’t even realize you haven’t answered Joel for the third time. 

“Are you sure everything’s okay, sweetheart?” Joel touches your arm, his brow furrowed. You look at his concerned face, his cute little frown, before putting down your burger with a sigh. 

“I, uh,” you start but can’t think of the right words. “I’m just feeling a little off these days, I guess. Work’s been stressful and, um, you–you’re gonna think I’m weird,” you murmur while picking at the fries on your plate. 

“Darlin’,” Joel sighs, taking your hand into his, “you’re the weirdest person I’ve ever met.” He chuckles when he sees your offended face. “And I wouldn’t change a thing.”

He rubs the back of your hand softly and searches your eyes. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

“It’s, um,” you clear your throat. “Do you ever get this feeling that there’s something looming?”

He tilts his head and looks at you curiously. “I’m not sure I follow, darlin’?”

“Like if you’re happy, do you ever feel like it’s not real, it can’t be real, and there’s something looming? Like there’s something just waiting to fuck everything up?” 

When he doesn’t answer, you avert your gaze and try to withdraw your hand. “I’m sorry, I’m killing the vi–”

“No, sweetheart. Hey, c’mere.” He extends both of his hands to you on the table and you give him yours to hold. “I’m sorry, darlin’,” he murmurs, “your question just caught me off guard a little.”

You softly rub his hand with your right thumb and study his features. He looks gorgeous with his tousled hair and his big cow eyes.

“Look, I know that happiness is hard to accept sometimes because we’re afraid of it not lasting. It may even seem easier to sabotage it preemptively, so we’re not disappointed or don’t get hurt when something bad does happen. And I also know that we sometimes don’t think we even deserve to be happy.”

Bingo. 

“But sweetheart, I need you to understand something,” he squeezes your hands gently, his sincere eyes boring into you.

“If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you.” 

You try your best to blink away the tears that are forming in your eyes.

---

Thank you for reading! 🤍 part 4 || part 6 || series masterlist

[missblissy]

So I saw that your inbox is open for hazbin requests

Could you do a Vox x Hellborn!Reader, like a succubus or something, so they can travel to the other rings but since hes a sinner he can't and say the reader is planning to attend a party in a different ring and just overall some fluffy clingy vox trying to convince reader to stay home and stay with him instead

If not that's okay !! Have a good day <3

((Ofc nonny! I had a lot of fun with this one! I've never seen any Hellborn!readers or even hellborn!OCs X Canon which honestly this was really refreshing!! Anyways, enjoy!!))

It didn’t look right. It didn’t feel nice… nothing felt nice. You pulled the bracelets off your wrist with a sigh and plucked the matching earring out as well. Another deep sigh, a huff, just hot air puffing from your chest in defeat. In the mirror you looked yourself over again, you couldn’t find anything to wear to the party your friends were having in the lust ring. As a hellborn you could move freely between all of hell, but you willingly choose to live in the pride ring.

Turning slightly you looked at your side profile, then your backside… “Ugh,” You groaned. Normally you’d be thrilled at the chance to travel to the Lust Ring. You kind of where… But you weren’t exactly keen on running into the recent drama your friends have been having.

While taking in your reflection you could see a spark in the corner of the mirror. Then a few more as they zigzagged to the floor. If lightning could produce people, Vox would always be at the source. He appeared behind you, a smile on his face and a clever yet sneaky twinkling shimmering in his eyes. 

Hands slithered and snaked along your hips, stopping to rest on your waist. A soft buzz and hum of electricity crawled along your skin and into your ears as he spoke, “What’s with the long face, little star?” The pet name never ceased to fluster a blush on your cheeks, “Another fight with the friends?” That amused look on his face said he already knew the answers to his question. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see one of many spy cams peeking out from the dark. He was always watching, and Vox was waiting until he saw that little smidge of doubt or frustration for him to come and make his move, “You know you can always stay the night here~” He cooed while swaying you just that little bit closer to him. 

You had to fight back a giggle or riggle from his grasp. His needy tendencies were honestly rather cute. Vox was confined to the Pride Ring, so he could never follow you lower into hell, and nor could he protect you, or even spy on you. His powers stopped with pride. 

Which explained why he’d always glow and bicker and pull at the idea of you staying home, here. Safe. Where he can keep an eye on you. Where you wouldn’t be harmed. 

Being a Hellborn, sure, you could hold your own. But you were far more at risk of permanently dying than Vox was. And that scared the living shit out of him. You could easily perish by a bullet from a regular old gun or a stab of a knife. Meanwhile, if such conventional means happened to Vox he’d just suffer through the pain until he healed or repaired the damage to his body. 

Vox tugged at your side a little more, a hum in his voice as he continued to lay on the affectionation. One, two, maybe three minutes passed before you let out such a heavy sigh you fell back into Vox’s chest for support, “I really wanted to go to this party, though,” You turned your gaze just enough to meet his, “Verosika Mayday is supposed to be making an appearance, I really love her concerts,” You whined. 

At the same time did you really want to spend all the time and money getting down a few rings just for a petty fight between your friends to ruin it all? You could take it or leave it at this point. And Vox with whatever sixth sense he had smelled the doubt and your unsureness. 

Normally, that being 9 times out of 10, there was no way Vox was going to talk you out of anything. Perhaps that’s something he really loved about you, that you were just as stubborn and headstrong as him. And you wouldn’t let anyone, including Vox, stop you from doing or getting what you wanted. 

But here he could already tell you were second guessing on even going to some stupid party you’d probably go to again next week. To be fair, he was getting a little sick and tired of you leaving every weekend and going places he couldn’t reach. 

The charm was ramped up to the max. You were suddenly spun around, a gasp of surprise jumping from your chest. You came face to face with Vox, a low blue glow from off his screen. Then a sweet, nostalgic song started playing, the source simply being Vox himself. 

“Who needs to see some singing bitch when you have one right here?” His tune was out of it and his hum was giggling but still, he began dancing you around, you in his arms and his hands holding tight, “I’ll take you to the moon~” The smile on his face only got bigger, and he drew you in close and tried to steal a kiss, “Get you higher than a balloon~” 

Twisted little notes, electric melodies, Spanish guitars, and suave singing were this man's go-to. He controlled everything in this tower, and the lights dimmed and changed colors. Vox made his own little world for the two of you, hidden behind all the showmanship and effects, you could easily mistake yourself suddenly on a sandy pink beach. 

“I can take you anywhere, my star, and we don’t even need to leave the penthouse,” Your heart started doing those silly flips and flops, battering around in your chest. You ate every bit of attention up. When Vox spoiled you like this, when he wanted something, good gods you could watch him all night. 

That didn’t mean you didn’t try your best to put up a fight, teasingly you whined out and dipped yourself backward only for Vox to catch you, one hand in the small of your back while the other caught your leg, “But how else am I going to get my fix of fun?” You dramatically called out, sarcasm laced in your words. 

“I’m the definition of fun, sweet cheeks,” He pulled you back to him, chest to chest, locked in a tango. Every step you took backwards he took a stronger one forward, legs getting tangled but never once did either of you trip. This playful dance was nothing new to you, so each step was gracefully placed. 

You faked a yawn, fanning your hand, and tried to look bored despite the growing grin and flare of passion and fire in your eyes. You tease Vox a little more, falsely attempting to flee from him. 

Only for Vox to snatch you closer with a grip twice as tight as before. A second of pleading flashed across his face only to be replaced by a sharp smirk. Where his hands made contact with you, sparks of snapping bolts shocked you lightly. Vox laughed out as you jumped in his arms, poured, and gave a mini glare, “You know you like it when I bite,” Vox’s face got closer to yours, the cheeky grin of his eating you away from the inside out. 

“Hmph!” Another shock traveled from him to you, causing a gasp of air while his voice drew closer to your ear. It was barely above a whisper… a beg…. A plea. His face was hidden in the crook of your neck while the vibrations of his vocals greeted you. 

“Please,” His voice was low. The two of you had stopped moving. And he clung onto you in a more desperate attempt… his walls fell and his true nature came out, “Please stay home tonight,” The cling of a desperate man who didn’t want to let you out of his sight, was enough to melt your heart, “I don’t want to be unable to see you,” Vox said, you understood what he meant even though he still added, “Or to protect you,” 

With little effort and carefully, you pulled away just enough to get a good look at those sad puppy dog eyes of his. Your smile was half there, and half in a bantering smirk. You gave him that kiss he tried so hard to get earlier, a soft one. But long enough to hold you there stuck on his lips. When the two you broke, your smile was full there though your voice still was laced with teases, “Fine,” You said, “But I want to watch a movie,” 

There were a few seconds of buffering while Vox took in your answer. A large grin took up his whole face as he let out a laugh and spun you around on the spot, “Thank you!” You didn’t normally hear those words coming from Vox, so it had a nice ring to hear him say it. 

He set you down, planting kisses all over your face but not letting you out of his grasp just yet, “Go down stairs and pick something to watch,” He hummed with joy, “I’ll order us something to eat,” He added, still giving a plethora of kisses between words. You giggled and laughed and bubbled out chirps of joy as he spoiled you with affection. He was utterly perfect, and too lovely for you by every degree. You nodded your head and made sure to run off as fast as you could because now you didn’t want to spend another second away from him.

[writeforfandoms]

Run Wild 4

Find the series masterlist

I apologize for the long wait on this one - between life stuff and the chapter fighting me, it's been longer than I intended. This is a nice long chapter though to help make up for it.

Things are going well and you're settling into the pack... and then the three of you get sent on a survival training refresher. Just the three of you. Alone in the woods. For three days. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Warnings: Swearing, animal death (unspecified fish and birds), yearning, shifter behaviors, pack behaviors, allusions to sex and intimacy, brief mention of blood.

Word count: 3.6k

Horangi healed just fine from the gunshot. Of course he did. It didn’t even take long - less than a week. König did, in fact, fuss over him, which you got to witness a couple times. It was pretty funny, at least from the outside. 

But you did make a mental note not to get injured. You didn’t need someone fussing over you that way. 

You’d spent the morning and part of the afternoon doing other tasks, since you didn’t actually get to spend all your time with your pack. Which was fine. You’d been without a pack for a long time, you didn’t need one to function. 

But even so, once you were dismissed, you headed back to the pack room. You wanted to see if they were around, maybe pester Horangi into some pool time now that he was allowed to shift again. 

You paused outside the door. Something was different. Head tilted, you listened for anything unusual, but all was quiet, but for a very faint rumble. 

You poked just your head around the door. 

Horangi and König were on the bigass couch (a LoveSac, König had told you once), neither of them facing the door. You noted Horangi’s missing sunglasses first. Then the flash of König’s hair, auburn longer than you would have expected. 

Then the smell hit you. Even with the window open, it was easy for you to smell that they’d been intimate. 

You backed off immediately, unwilling to disturb whatever peaceful bubble the two had. 

You weren’t quite embarrassed - you hadn’t caught them in the middle of it, at least. And with your sense of smell, this was far from the first time you’d smelled this on someone. Friends. People you knew. 

(Looking back on it, you continued to be a little amazed you survived basic without anyone knowing you were a shifter.)

No, the most confusing part was that you weren’t vaguely grossed out. Far from it, really.

You wanted to investigate, nose around, see how this changed their normal scents. 

Nope. Nope nope nope. Not happening. You shook your head, hard, trying to knock the thoughts out too. 

You were absolutely not attracted to your two packmates. Nope. Not happening. 

You threw yourself at the obstacle course for a good hour, working to beat your record. It was a good distraction - you couldn’t just rely on muscle memory, you had to pay attention. 

It wasn’t until you had sprawled out on the ground, panting, trying to get your breath back enough to go shower, that anyone bothered you. 

“Have fun?” 

The semi-sarcastic question made you lift your head to look at Horangi, the alpha standing off to the side. His sunglasses were back on, was the first thing you noticed. 

“What’s up?” You asked instead of answering his question. You pushed yourself up to sitting, not quite willing to lay prone in front of him. Not after what you’d almost walked in on earlier. 

“We’ve got a refresher on wilderness survival,” Horangi drawled, voice flat. But he didn’t smell angry. Hm. “The three of us.”

Oh. Oh boy. Three or so days living in the wilderness with the two of them. 

This was definitely going to go wrong, somehow. 

“When are we leaving?” You’d have to pack up a few things. Not a lot, you usually weren’t allowed a lot, but still. 

“Tomorrow morning, 0800.” 

“Got it.” You pushed up to your feet, absently brushing dirt off yourself. “See you in the morning, sir.” 

Horangi nodded once. You couldn’t see his eyes, but you could feel his gaze on you, even as you turned away and headed inside. 

You resisted the urge to look back at him. 

Wilderness survival was honestly not hard. It wasn’t something you hated, either. You had done something similar with your dad many times.

Although when you’d done it with him, you’d both been shifted. It was a little easier to find natural shelter as a mink than as a human. 

This time, you had your two packmates with you, one on either side. The three of you got dropped in the middle of nowhere in a forest with a map, some basic supplies, and an exfil location. 

The first stretch of the hike was lovely. The weather was nice (for once), the sounds of the forest soothing, and even though you were walking with giants neither of them pushed the pace too hard. 

The sun was high in the sky by the time Horangi paused, consulting the map. You stayed back a bit, watching as König peered over the top of the alpha’s head at the map. 

You tipped your head back, enjoying the sunshine, the birds singing, the faint trickle of water…

Wait. Water?

Focused now, you turned a slow circle, trying to pinpoint where you heard the water coming from. You paused facing slightly away from Horangi and König. 

“I hear water,” you told the two of them, glancing over only to find them already watching you. You blinked, startled, and shifted your weight. 

“Lead on, then.” Horangi motioned you forward with a lazy wave of one hand. 

You eyed him for a moment, uncertain if he was being sincere or not. But he didn’t move, so you did. 

It was easy, picking a path through the forest. No major terrain changes, no gunfire to dodge. Just the peaceful noises around you… and your two packmates behind you. They were both quiet, impressively so considering how big they were (König moreso), but you could track them easily by sound alone, if you needed to. 

The sound of water grew louder until you paused at a stream. It wasn’t large, you could jump it if you wanted, but it was moving fast and clear. A good source of water was an excellent start. 

“This should empty into a lake,” Horangi said from behind you. “See if you can find it.”

You grinned over your shoulder at him and started walking parallel to the stream, moving a little faster with the lure of a lake. The light increased in intensity ahead of you, and you slowed right at the edge of the trees. 

The lake spread out in front of you, sunlight sparkling off the water. It was decent-sized, and looked deep. There were probably fish in there, and for a moment you longed to shuck your gear and jump in. 

It had been a long time since you’d gone fishing the proper way.

Reluctantly, you turned your back on the water to trot back to the other two. 

“Found the lake,” you told them, grinning. “It’s not far.”

Horangi nodded. “We’ll set up for the day there,” he agreed, nodding you forward again. 

Which meant fishing. Elated, you practically bounced back to the lake, ignoring the two of them behind you, both laughing. 

It didn’t take long to find a good camping spot, the two of them more than capable of setting up a temporary shelter for the three of you. (And it was for the three of you - when you mentioned finding a spot nearby, Horangi put his foot down and said it was better to stay together. You didn’t object. Pack cuddles sounded really nice.) 

You and König gathered tinder while the light was good, setting up a spot for a fire later. This part you really needed no help with - you’d done this enough. You had extra cotton balls and a fire starter in your bag for a reason, after all. 

“Dinner?” König asked, slanting a look at you that you could tell was amused, even with the hood still in the way.

You perked up, trying not to seem too desperate. “I could fish?” 

Horangi looked at you for a moment before he nodded once. You got the feeling he was amused, despite not being able to see his expression. 

You resisted the urge to buzz happily, instead trotting down closer to the lake. It took moments to pile your boots to one side, tossing your outer layers next to them, before you shifted and wriggled out of the rest of your clothes. 

The first dip into the water was perfect - a little cool (although your fur helped insulate you), clear, and beautiful. You spent a minute darting around, half searching for fish and half having fun. 

It had been far too long since you’d let yourself have fun like this. 

It didn’t take long to find fish, and you spent a few moments just watching them. The bigger fish were down near the bottom of the lake, which wasn’t too far, really. 

Three would probably do the job to feed you all. 

The first fish was the hardest. You had to remember how to grab it right to hang on and drag it out of the water. The fish, of course, didn’t make it easy. But you succeeded, even though the fish was bigger than you. 

You left it on the shore, far enough away from the water that it (probably) couldn’t flap itself back in, and dove back in to get the next fish. 

Except when you dragged this one up the shore, Horangi was handling the first fish, cleaning and prepping it. And it looked… not big in his hands. 

Hm. Maybe three wouldn’t be enough. 

“Leave it there,” Horangi said, gaze flitting to you. He’d removed his sunglasses at some point, letting you feel the full weight of his gaze.

You chittered at him, leaving the fish and diving back into the water.

But you didn’t stop at three fish. You caught two more, dragging the fifth fish up to Horangi before trotting away to shake yourself off at a polite distance. 

When you shifted back, you caught König looking at you from his spot by the fire. It was difficult to tell, between the distance and the fact that you were shoving yourself back into your clothes as fast as possible, but this look was… different. 

There was something different, anyway. Hell if you could pinpoint what. 

“Well done,” Horangi praised quietly, gaze flicking up to you before he picked up all the fish, which he’d cleaned. 

You fought down the urge to buzz. It didn’t translate as well when you were human, and it was weird. But you did wiggle, just a little, as you jogged after him to the fire to help cook. 

Sitting with the two of them while dinner cooked was… nice. Odd, but nice. They were both quiet by nature, which you didn’t mind. König kept giving you little looks, which you couldn’t decipher. But he didn’t say anything, so you figured it was just a him thing and left it alone. 

Horangi tested the first fish and deemed it edible, nodding to you. You picked one for yourself and settled in to eat, humming a little. This was nice. This was the kind of nice you could get used to.

Even though you shouldn’t. It wouldn’t be like this once the three of you finished this training. It would be back to the norm - eating by yourself in the mess, spending time with them in the pack room when you weren’t on duty. 

You shoved the thought down with your next bite of fish, swallowing hard. Focus on being hungry. That was safer. But you ate a little slower than the other two. They needed the extra fish. 

“Here.” König tore off a chunk of his second fish, putting it on your plate. 

“But–” You looked at him, eyes wide. 

Horangi clicked his tongue, and a second piece of fish got deposited on your plate. “Eat,” he ordered you. “We have plenty.”

A little chagrined and a little confused, you worked on the additional pieces. And. Okay. You knew they hadn’t meant it this way.

But they’d put their food on your plate. 

And your instincts were screaming, just a little. 

The rest of the night was quiet. König took your plates to wash, and you ended up lounging on your back by the fire, looking up at the stars twinkling through the treetops. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.”

You frowned. You hadn’t meant to say that aloud. But… nothing catastrophic happened. Your packmates were both quiet, at least until Horangi sprawled out next to you. 

“Oh?” It was a gentle prod, but it was very much a prod. 

You pursed your lips, considering how to answer for a few moments. Then you sighed softly. “My parents used to take me out places like this. Wasn’t far off from what we’re doing, really.” 

Horangi chuffed softly. It sounded odd coming from a human throat but you still recognized it for acceptance. “Why did they stop?”

Your heart ached, and you shoved up to your feet. The stars held no appeal for you now. “That’s a story for another night.” You checked on the tarp for your shelter overnight, pushing your pack into a corner where it would keep dry. There wasn’t much else to do, really. 

So you shoved yourself into the corner next to your pack, curling up. That was as clear an indication that you weren’t going to talk as you could do. 

You didn’t manage to fall asleep until you felt Horangi and König settle down near you. 

You woke slowly, warmer than you'd expected to be. It got cold overnight out here, after all. But you weren't cold at all. 

A little confused, you patted around. Maybe one of them had given you an extra blanket? 

Your fingers met fur, warm and coarse. Hm. That was different. And nice. Nice and warm. 

Wait. Fur? 

Your eyes flew open and your breathing halted. You could see only part of an enormous bear curled around you and Horangi both. Horangi had his back to you, shoulders moving steadily with his breathing. 

Oh. Oh this was bad. First they put food on your plate, now this? Pack cuddles with one of them shifted, and the alpha trusting you with his back? 

Oh no. No no no. Nope. This was going to end so badly for you. 

You just needed to shove your feelings into a little box and stuff it away somewhere. That would work. You’d be fine. No problem. 

You tried to ease away from the two, only for König to rumble at you. The bear lifted his head to look at you, grumbling. 

“Hush,” you whispered, patting his fur. “Be right back.” 

He huffed at you but settled down again. This time he didn’t protest when you shuffled away, careful not to disturb Horangi. 

You moved a safe distance away before you sat, putting your head down in your hands. These two really needed to stop giving you mixed signals like this. 

Although, when you really thought about it… were they even mixed signals at this point? Or just signals you didn’t want to think about? 

You made a face at yourself and breathed in deep. Two more days of this and then it would be back to base. Back to business as usual. 

You could manage two more days.

One more deep breath, and you headed back to camp, the low light barely a problem for you. Sunlight was just peeking through the trees, the rest of the forest just waking up. 

Horangi was up when you got back to camp, and he simply nodded to you before breaking down camp. By the time the three of you were done and ready to move on, it was like you’d never been there at all. 

Horangi took the lead again, and you followed him while König took the rear. 

You were surprised again at how easy this was. The quiet between the three of you never felt strained. You never doubted that Horangi knew where you were going. König never snuck up behind you enough to spook you. 

If you wanted to be real honest with yourself… this was even better than camping with your parents had ever been. 

And not just because you were an adult and didn’t need to be watched all the time. 

These two were rapidly slipping under your skin, and you weren’t sure how you felt about that. 

Especially when you all stopped to set up camp again and Horangi said he’d hunt for the three of you. König settled next to you in front of the fire, his knee knocking into yours. 

“You know much of the plant life here?” 

You blinked at the out of the blue question and shrugged. “Not really,” you admitted. “If I don’t recognize it, I don’t touch it.” 

“Good.” König nudged you with his knee again. “Come with me.”

Confused but not quite willing to push, you stood and followed him away from the fire. He didn’t take you far, though, instead crouching next to a tree to show you a plant. And then another. And another.

Before you knew it, you were side by side with him, peering over plants and doing your best to remember which ones were which. 

It was surprisingly fun, actually. You’d never given plants this much thought, but with König? It was fun. 

Hopefully he wouldn’t quiz you, though. 

“Here.” König pointed to a berry bush. “Gather these.”

You started picking berries, doing your best to avoid the thorns. König moved away, though you could still see him in your peripheral vision as he checked on the fire and brought over a dish for you to set the berries on. 

“How’d you learn all this?” you asked, half-distracted, trying to reach a juicy looking berry without having your hands cut to ribbons. 

König was silent for a few moments, shifting his weight next to you. “I learned as a boy,” he settled on. You had a feeling there was more to it than that, but you certainly weren’t going to push. 

“What do you think Horangi is bringing back?” 

König snorted, shoulders relaxing again. “Birds,” he said softly. “He likes birds.” 

You filed that little piece of information away, just in case. “Good to know.” You made a face when a thorn caught the tip of your finger, blood beading up against your skin. 

König clucked softly, catching your hand in one of his before you could pull away. “Careful,” he rumbled, low and soothing. 

“I’m fine,” you dismissed, trying to tug your hand back. But König ignored you, lifting your hand to look at the cut himself more closely. 

“No more injuries,” he said, voice soft even as he met your gaze. “Ja?” 

“Okay,” you agreed, a little breathless.

His thumb smeared over the tiny cut, cleaning away your blood. He blinked and looked down between you, the vice around your chest relaxing somewhat. 

“Thanks.” You tried to keep your voice dry, to show you hadn’t really thought his fuss necessary. But you were just a little too breathy to make it stick. 

He hummed softly, a pleased rumbly little noise. But he didn’t move away, keeping hold of your hand. 

Until a twig snapped behind you. Then he leaned back a little, gaze lifting over your head to look. 

“Done already?” König stood, still holding your hand and pulling you up to your feet as well. You huffed at him. 

“Still have to clean them.” Horangi held up two birds. You had no idea what they actually were, but they were decent sized, and one of them was colorful. Probably the male. 

“I’ll help,” you volunteered, gently tugging your hand away from König. It had been a while since you’d had to clean and prep a bird, but you didn’t remember it being that hard.

You were wrong. It sucked. Mainly because plucking the damn things was awful. 

Horangi chuffed in amusement every time he caught you making faces at your assigned bird. Which was often. But he didn’t actually make fun of you, which was good. 

Dinner was quiet, though again not the uncomfortable kind of quiet. Just quiet. It was weird… but nice. 

You were getting entirely too comfortable with these two. Part of you insisted that was only right - they were pack, and you should be comfortable with pack. The rest of you screeched about protecting yourself first and that pack did not automatically mean trustworthy. 

Your head was a bit of a mess. 

This time, you didn’t run off to bed before them, and ended up between the two. Nobody was touching (that you could see or feel), but they’d still put you in the middle. Intentionally. With the sort of planned grace that came from working together often. 

It was odd. Kind of nice. Definitely confusing. 

You resolutely shoved it out of your mind for now, letting the steady breathing on both sides of you lull you to sleep. 

You woke again to warmth, and resisted the urge to cuddle back into fur. Instead you opened your eyes, breathing slowly, taking a few moments to orient yourself. 

Horangi blinked slowly at you, head turned towards you even as he reclined against König’s mass. “Finally awake?”

You blinked, feeling a little slow still, and warmed. “Sorry,” you mumbled, dropping your gaze. 

He huffed, tucking one finger under your chin to pull your head back up. “No apologies,” he murmured, low and warm. “You were cute all cuddled up.”

You warmed further, unable to duck your head because of his grip on you, and settled for dropping your gaze to the space between the two of you. 

Apparently deciding to have mercy, Horangi tapped his thumb twice against you chin before he released you, sitting up. “Let’s break down camp,” he ordered. “Get to exfil early.” 

You nodded wordlessly, rolling to your feet to assist with clean up. 

But the phantom feel of his finger under your chin, his thumb against your skin, didn’t leave you all day.

[hockey-fics]

One Big Charade ~ Matthew Tkachuk

Summary: Brady Tkachuk had been one of you best friends for most of your life. Matthew Tkachuk had always been the older brother of your best friend who you loved to pester. But sometime throughout the years the genuine pestering began to blur with flirtatious teasing with Matt, though you seemed to be one of the only ones who didn’t realize it. 

Word Count: ~6,400

Warnings: Drinking

A/N: Thank you to @tkachukz for the request and suggestions for this one. I made a couple little changes but I really hope you enjoy it!

You lived across the street from the Tkachuk family growing up, which was lucky for you because your mom often worked long hours and you were pawned off on any neighbours willing to take you in for the afternoon. Even luckier, you were the same age as Brady Tkachuk, who quickly became one of your closest friends growing up. 

Your after school routine usually included the Tkachuk house, or their backyard, or the park down the road. But it almost always included Brady. 

But spending that much time in the Tkachuk home meant you also spent a lot of time with -or, more accurately, around- Matthew. Matthew made his distaste for your presence known from a very young age. Not only were you the same age as his annoying younger brother, you were also a girl. At that age nothing could possibly seem worse. 

But you found Matthew’s annoyance rather amusing as a kid. You found little ways to get under his skin, pestering him relentlessly. Brady seemed to find it just as fun, the two of you giggling maniacally as you found new ways to annoy Matt. 

Half your pictures from your childhood included Brady and many of them Matt too, though those were clearly the result of parental intervention, ushering you all into the same frame. 

You would help Brady with his homework, you went to all his hockey games. He made you laugh till your stomach hurt, he taught you how to skate. He was the one who convinced you to bike down a steep hill in the forest and he was also the one who brushed the dirt out of the scrapes on your hands when you crashed. He was the brother you never had and he made your childhood much less lonely. 

As you got older you didn’t need anyone to look after you after school but that didn’t stop you from spending most of your free time with Brady at his house. Over the course of your childhood you were almost certain you had more dinners at the Tkachuk house than you had at your own house.

You remained close after graduation, through your years in university and his first few years in the NHL. You texted and called and visited whenever you could, taking advantage of holidays when you both came home and summers when you both were home for months at a time. 

Brady’s engagement came as no surprise to you. You knew about it long before it happened, being the one he ran every plan past before going through with it. Over the years you had also grown close with his girlfriend, well enough that you could help Brady put the engagement together in a way you knew she would want. 

The years had flown by so fast. Before you knew it was the night before you were flying out to Hawaii for the wedding. You were going to be a bridesmaid and you were overjoyed to be a part of such a special moment in the life of your closest friend. 

You’re sitting with the wedding party on a patio the night before the flight to Hawaii sipping a glass of sangria. The sun was beginning to set, the cool breeze was refreshing against your skin. The flight was less than 24 hours away and you were starting to feel excited energy radiating from everyone involved. 

Just as Brady says something that makes you laugh you notice another person approaching the table. Turning your head you look up, watching Matthew pull the chair beside you out from under the table, flopping down onto it. “Sorry I’m late,” he announces. 

“All good,” Brady tells him, handing him the drink menu. “How was the flight?”

“Not bad, delayed, but it was fine,” he replies, eyes focused on the menu in front of him. 

“Hey, Matt, nice to see you too,” you joke, watching him look up from the menu. 

“Sorry, yeah, hey, how’re you doing?” he asks, leaning back in his chair, angling himself to face you. 

“I’m doing pretty well,” you tell him with a playful smirk. “How’s Miami been?”

Matthew shrugs, “it’s been good.” You watch a little smirk cross Matt’s face and you narrow your eyes at him. “I see that you finally graduated.”

“Finally?” you scoff, shaking your head. “It took me one extra year, I had a job the whole time too.”

Matthew is chuckling at your defensiveness, picking up his drink menu again. “I need a drink.”

“Cause I’m so annoying to you?” you laugh, picking up your own drink and taking a sip. “The sangria is good.”

Matt turns his head, staring at you through narrowed eyes. “In what world do you think I would order…that?” he questions, gesturing to your glass. 

Giggling you reach over, roughing up his hair. “Aww, I forgot, your masculinity is too fragile to hold a wine glass.”

Matt swats your hand away, shaking his head. “You’re still very annoying,” he grumbles, closing the drink menu after making a choice. 

After a few more drinks the conversation circles back to the upcoming week. Everything from when you would arrive at the airport tomorrow to what time you would be back at the airport for the flight home was discussed that night. By the time the night was over you were quite a few glasses of sangria deep, pulling your phone out to get an Uber back to your house. Everyone but you and Matthew had already parted ways, heading home for the night. 

“I’m staying at my parent’s house,” Matthew tells you, standing beside you on the sidewalk, looking down at your phone over your shoulder. 

“Cool,” you comment, not knowing exactly what that was supposed to mean. 

Matthew reaches over your shoulder, taking your phone out of your hand. “Just Uber back with me, don’t be weird.”

Rolling your eyes you snatch your phone back. “I’m not being weird, you’re being weird.”

Matthew chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re drunk.”

“Maybe a little,” you concur, leaning against him. 

A second later Matt steps away, letting you stumble slightly before catching you, laughing loudly. 

“You’re so mean,” you tell him, pushing his hands off your arms. Even though it was mean it also felt like home, falling back into the same patterns you had growing up. “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too, dummy,” Matt replies, needing to add some sort of insult to the sentiment. 

The night goes by too fast for your liking as you pull yourself out of bed at 5am. Even once you’ve made it to the airport you’re still barely awake, on autopilot through security. By the time you were in Hawaii your mood flipped entirely, you were ready for everything and anything. The next couple days are filled with wedding prep, relaxing on the beach, and enjoying plenty of drinks. 

You’re sitting on a plush, white wicker sofa overlooking the ocean on the patio of the lounge Brady had reserved for wedding guests. It was the night before the wedding and everyone was mingling amongst the excited energy. You feel the sofa cushions sink and you look over, seeing Matt sitting next to you. 

“How’s it going?” Matt ask, lifting his arm over the back of the sofa. 

“Good,” you hum, shifting sideways to face him. “How’re you feeling? Your younger brother is getting married and you’re here single,” you tease. 

“You’re single too,” Matt points out. 

Shrugging you take a sip of your wine, glancing out at the ocean. “You’ve got two years on me, you never know, in two years I could be getting married.”

“No chance,” Matt chuckles. 

Scoffing you extend your leg, playfully kicking his shin. “Don’t be such a jerk.”

“I’m not, you’ve had so many boyfriends and they never last longer than what, four month, before you’re dumping them?”

“I just haven’t met the right one yet.”

“Why haven’t you stayed with any of them?” Matt asks, his tone suddenly serious. 

Shrugging you twirl your glass around in your fingers. “I don’t know, it just didn’t feel…right. Why haven’t you ever stayed with anyone?”

“I haven’t dated a million people like you have,” Matt teases. “Haven’t had the chance to find the one yet.”

Rolling your eyes you cross one leg over the other, leaning into the corner of the sofa. “It wasn’t that many guys.”

“I know,” Matt chuckles. “I knew they weren’t right for you anyway.”

“How would you know that? You met like one of them.”

Matthew glances across the patio, to where Brady was standing, chatting with a few guests. “I have my inside sources.”

“Why would you even care anyway?”

“I really do care about you,” Matthew admits with a soft smile. “You know that, right?”

You stare over at him, a warmth filling your body. “I…yeah, I guess so,” you smile, taking a sip of your drink. “Doesn’t hurt to hear you actually say it though.”

Matt stares at you expectantly for a few seconds. “And?”

“And what?” 

Matt chuckles, shaking his head. “Wouldn’t hurt to hear you say it.”

“Oh my god,” you laugh, rolling your eyes. “I care about you, Matt.”

“Thanks,” Matt says, placing his hand over his heart with a playful sense of drama. “I’ve been waiting for so long to hear that.”

“Shut up, you’re so stupid,” you joke, laughing quietly. As the conversation falls quiet you can’t help but notice the way Matt’s gaze was making your stomach fill with butterflies. Your cheeks begin to redden and you cut the mutual gaze short, looking away and taking a sip of your drink. Was Matt making you feel nervous? And how and why was Matt making you feel nervous?

“Want to get out of here for a minute?” Matt suddenly asks, drawing your attention back to him. 

“Uh,” you hum, glancing around at the gathering. You were part of the wedding party, you probably shouldn’t take off. But Matt was as well and that didn’t seem to bother him. Not to mention the fact that you had been sitting in the corner by yourself for the last hour and nobody seemed to notice your absence then. “Yeah, sure.”

Matt stands up and you follow after him, down the stairs from the patio to the cobble stone path. Stumbling slightly you try to pace your steps perfectly so your heels weren’t falling between the stones. If only Brady had picked a resort that didn’t make you feel like you needed to be so dressed up all the time. 

“Are you drunk again?” Matt teases, pausing to look back at you.

“No,” you exclaim, shaking your head. “It’s not even nine, it would be concerning to be that drunk this early.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Matt chuckles. 

“You wouldn’t be doing any better in heels,” you inform him, finally catching up with Matt on the path. 

“Then take them off, we’re going to the beach anyway.”

“Come here,” you say, reaching over and placing your hand on Matt’s shoulder. Reaching down you attempt to unbuckle the tiny silver buckle on the strap around your ankle. Wavering back and forth you clamp down tighter onto Matt’s arms, laughing softly. 

“You got it?” Matt asks, wrapping his arm around your waist as you go for attempt number two.

“Yeah, I got it,” you mutter, managing to get one shoe off before turning your attention to your other shoe. You didn’t realize how difficult it would be to ignore Matt’s hand on your waist and the strange sensation it was causing inside of you. Finally slipping the second shoe off you straighten back out, slowly pulling out of Matt’s arms. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Matt chuckles, continuing down the path beside you to the beach. “How was your last year of school?”

“Hmm?” you hum, the sudden change in topic catching you off guard. “Oh, um, it was good. Harder than the first few years, but it was pretty good overall.”

“Sorry I couldn’t come to your, uh, you know, the-.”

“Convocation ceremony?” you ask, laughing softly as Matt nods in confirmation. “That’s alright, it wasn’t that exciting anyway.”

“Well I’m proud of you…I mean, we’re all proud of you.”

Your eyes focus on the sand in front of you as you continue to walk along beside Matt, feet sinking into the soft sand, the breeze from the ocean tousling your hair. “Thanks, Matt, I appreciate that.”

You feel your fingers brush against his hand and your heart beats a little quicker. Looking up at Matt you see that he was already looking at you and you give him a soft smile, uncertain if you should step away to make sure it didn’t happen again or just let your hand fall so naturally into his. Before you have time to do anything Matt stops, lowering himself down to sit on the warm sand. 

Sitting down next to him, you pull your knees up towards your body and run your hands along your bare legs. “This is crazy,” you whisper. 

Matt turns his head, eyebrows furrowed as he looks at you. “What is?”

Brushing some sand off your hands you focus on the soft waves rolling onto the beach. “Brady…getting married. It feels like we were just twelve years old, fighting over who gets the last piece of pizza.”

Matt chuckles, throwing his arm over your shoulders and tugging you roughly into his side. “I’ll still fight you for the last slice of pizza if it’ll make you feel better.”

Giggling you scramble your way out from under his arm, giving him a playful shove for good measure on your way to sitting up straight. “Do you want to get married?”

“We haven’t even been on a date.”

Rolling your eyes you lean back onto your arms. “You’re an idiot.” 

“I do,” Matt says, his tone serious now. “Do you?”

Nodding you push a piece of your hair out of your face, finally turning to look at Matt. “Yeah, I do. I just, I don’t know…” trailing off you shake your head, looking back to the ocean. 

“What’s up? What do you mean?” Matt presses. 

Shrugging you take a deep breath, pulling your arms from behind you and leaning forward, anxiously wrapping your arms around you knees. “I don’t know, I’m 23 and I haven’t ever really even been in a serious relationship. What if, like, I’m not meant for that, you know?”

“No,” Matt says, reaching over and putting his arm around your shoulders. Pulling you into his side, gently this time, running his hand along your arm. “You’re making it seem like 23 is old… and if you think there’s no hope for you then I guess I’m fucked, hey?”

Laughing you tip your head back, looking up at him. “That’s not what I meant.” Shifting closer you rest your head on his shoulder. “I think you’ll find someone.”

Matt lets out a deep breath, tugging you a little closer. “Yeah,” he mutters. 

“Okay, rude,” you comment, sitting up straighter and turning to face him, looking into his eyes. 

“What?” Matt laughs, shaking his head as he lets his arm that was once around your shoulders fall to his side. 

“You could have said I would find someone too, even if you don’t mean it, just make me feel better.”

“Relax, I know you’ll find someone. Maybe you already have.”

Rolling your eyes you settle back beside Matt, leaning into his side. “This isn’t ‘What’s Your Number?’ I’m not going back.”

Matt wraps his arm around you and your eyes land on where his hand was resting on your body. “That’s not what I’m saying,” Matt chuckles. “I’m not telling you to go back to your ex.”

“Then who? You?” you ask, laughing softly. 

Matt is quiet for a few seconds longer than you were expecting. “You’ll find someone, I promise.”

“Well, thank you,” you whisper, noticing that the orange glow from the sun had disappeared, the evening quickly rolling in. “I guess we should head back up there,” you say with a sigh. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be mingling but something about being on the beach alone with Matt felt so comfortable. 

“You sound pretty sad about that,” Matt comments. 

“I’m not,” you whisper, not making much of a move towards actually getting up and heading back to the party. “I just…I don’t know, this has been nice.”

“It has been nice…you not being a little pest for once.”

Scoffing you sit up away from him, turning your head to look into his eyes. “Don’t even, you have to admit I made your life more entertaining.” 

Matt nods in agreement, his hand landing on your thigh. You try your hardest not to look at his hand, not to acknowledge his touch even though it was taking up every ounce of your self-control not to. 

“You still do,” Matt tells you. “It’s just different now.”

“Different how?” you whisper and your eyes glance down to his lips so unconsciously you didn’t realize you had even done it till your eyes were returning to his. 

Matt shrugs, his thumb running back and forth on your bare thigh. “We’re adults now, you’re smart and funny and you don’t actually annoy me anymore.”

His comment makes you laugh and you shake your head slightly, looking down at the sand for a second. When you look back up you’re caught off guard by Matt’s sudden intensity. You watch him shift closer and your breath catches in your throat as you realize what was happening. But you don’t do anything to stop it, instead you lean closer till your lips were nearly brushing against his. Bringing your hand behind his neck you lean into the kiss, his lips soft against yours. It’s slow and gentle and you can barely register the deeper meaning of what was happening, you were just wrapped up in the feeling of it. 

Pulling back you let out a soft, uncertain breath, slowly pulling your body away from him. To say you were at a loss for words was an understatement. “I-,” you begin, glancing around, trying to figure out a few more words to string some sort of sentence together. “We, um, we should maybe go back up there, I guess.”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Matt mutters, pulling himself to his feet before reaching down and grasping your hands, pulling you up to your feet. Before letting go of your hands Matt leans down, kissing you gently again. 

You’re not sure what comes over you as he pulls back but you have your arms over his shoulders a second later, leaning up and kissing him quickly. It’s eager and passionate and you’re pushing yourself closer to him as his hands land on your waist. 

“Don’t tell Brady,” is the first thing that leaves your lips when you finally pull away, watching a look of confusion cross his face. “I mean, you can tell him after, if you want. But this is his week, I don’t want something I did to take away from that.”

Matt nods, leaning down and pressing his lips to your forehead. “You’re right.” His hand slides into yours and he nods back towards the restaurant up the beach. “We should probably be back there before everyone leaves.”

“Yeah, definitely,” you breathe out, laughing softly. It was suspicious enough for you two to disappear for a little while, it would be pretty obvious what was going on if you both left altogether in the middle of the party. 

Once you get back to the path you let go of Matt’s hand, struggling to get your shoes back on before heading back up to the patio. 

It’s Brady who approaches you first. “Where’d you two go?”

“We-,” you begin, getting cut off by Matt trying to answer as well. 

“We just went, uh…” Matt begins, glancing down at you for a second. 

“We just went for a walk on the beach, sorry for leaving, I just, um, I needed to get some air.”

Brady raises his eyebrows, glancing around the completely outdoor patio. “Air?”

“Space,” Matt chimes in. “Just a lot of people here.”

You knew that wasn’t overly convincing either, you were rarely one to say no to any type of party or gathering, especially with a bunch of people you knew and loved. 

“Right,” Brady comments. “Well anyway, we’re heading out now, want to get a good sleep tonight.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” you nod, too eager for the change of subject. “I’m so happy for you, Brady, it’s going to be amazing tomorrow.”

“You’re being weird,” Brady tells you bluntly. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” you assure him, swallowing nervously. 

“She’s drunk,” Matt chimes in. 

Reaching over you swat at Matt’s arm playfully, glaring up at him. “I’m not drunk, I’m just really happy.”

“Alright, well, I’ll see you two tomorrow morning, we’re still all going for breakfast together?” Brady asks. 

“Yeah, of course.” Leaning in you pull Brady into a quick hug. “See you tomorrow.”

You and Matt watch Brady weave his way out of the restaurant and back towards the hotel. “So you still suck at lying,” Matt comments.

“I do,” you whine, sighing loudly as you turn to face Matt. “I think I’ve gotten worse.”

“He’ll be too busy tomorrow to ask too many questions.” Matt reaches over, pulling you into a hug. “You heading up to bed now?”

“It’s only 9:30, I’m not tired.”

Matt pulls back, reaching down and taking your hand. He’s guiding you back into the hotel lobby a minute later not telling you where the two of you were going, but you didn’t care enough to ask, you were ready to let him take you anywhere. 

It doesn’t take long for you to find out where you were going as you step into Matt’s room, immediately noticing how much nicer it was than your own. “That NHL salary must be nice.”

“It’s not bad,” Matt chuckles, walking over to the edge of the bed and sitting down, watching you walk through the room to look out onto the patio. “Do you want more wine?”

“You have wine?” you ask, looking over your shoulder at him. 

“I can get us wine,” Matt tells you, holding up the room service menu. 

Walking back you sit down next to Matt, leaning into him to look at the wine list with him. “What kind of wine do you like?”

“I don’t really like any,” Matt admits. “But it’s okay enough to drink.”

“Okay enough to drink,” you repeat teasingly. “How about this one?” you suggest, pointing to a pinot gris. 

“Sure.” Matt reaches for the hotel phone, calling room service and ordering the bottle of wine and the cheese platter that was the suggested accompaniment to the wine, though it was truly just a way to convince people to spend more money. 

“A cheese platter, how dignified of you, Matthew,” you tease, standing up from the edge of the bed to head back towards the patio. 

Before you can take a step away Matt has his hands on your hips, spinning you around to face him. “Keep laughing and I won’t share with you.”

Placing your hands on his shoulders you give him a little shrug. “I’m just here for the wine.”

“Just the wine?” 

“Yeah,” you whisper, leaning down, bringing your lips close to his. “You don’t even need to be here.”

“Oh, really?” Matt teases, his lips brushing over yours. “You could get wine in your own room, you know?”

“But then I would have to pay for it,” you joke. You finally let your lips connect with his, kissing him slowly. Your fingers curl into his hair, his hands drifting around your body, touching each other in a way you never imagined would ever happen. 

“Oh, I see, you’re just using me for money,” Matt chuckles when you pull back. 

“Yeah, I am,” you joke. “I was playing the really, really long con. Hung around for fifteen years in hopes that one day you might buy me a bottle of wine.”

“See, I knew you were smart.” The sound of a knock on the door draws your attention and you step aside to let Matt answer the door. 

While Matt collects the wine and the cheese platter you make your way onto the patio, sitting down in one of the soft chairs, looking out at the night sky over the ocean. You turn your focus to Matt when he steps onto the patio, putting everything down onto the glass coffee table, pouring two glasses of wine and handing one to you. 

“Thank you,” you tell him, taking a sip of the cool white wine. “Are you ready for tomorrow? Got your speech prepared?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Matt comments, leaning back into the couch on the patio. “Are you?”

“I’m nervous,” you admit, laughing softly. “I’m worried I’m going to trip when we’re walking in.”

“I would say you’ll be fine but after watching you try to walk down to the beach today I don’t know.”

“Matt,” you whine, shaking your head. “Don’t make it worse.”

“Fine, you’ll be alright, it’s not a long walk, I have faith in you.”

“Very reassuring,” you joke, sighing softly as you lean back into your chair, the warm buzz of alcohol in your system. 

“What’s your plan now?”

“Now?” you ask, sitting up straighter. Was this his way of asking you to leave?

“Yeah, you’ve graduated. Are you moving back home for good or are you going somewhere else?”

“Oh,” you hum, leaning back into the chair. “I don’t really know. I was thinking about moving somewhere new, but I don’t know where. Maybe just find a job somewhere and go from there.”

“That’s exciting.”

“Is it?” you laugh, your anxiety about it coming through loud and clear. 

“Why do you sound so scared about it?”

“Because it’s scary. I don’t know if I’m ready to move somewhere all by myself.”

“I’m sure there are places you could move where you wouldn’t be by yourself,” Matt reasons. 

“What? Like Miami?” you joke. 

Matt shrugs, taking another drink from his glass. “Would that be the worst thing?”

“We’ve kissed, what? Three times? And you’re asking me to move across the country for you,” you giggle. 

Matt chuckles, extending his arm and taking your hand.”It we make it four will you think about it?”

Following his lead you settle on the couch beside him, leaning in and kissing him gently. “No,” you whisper as you pull back from him. 

“Well I’m not asking you to, but it’s an option and I’ll be there for you.”

“You’re actually kinda sweet.”

Matt lets out a breath of laughter, pulling you a little closer. “I always have been, you were just too busy pestering me to realize it.”

“You’re such a liar,” you laugh. “You were mean to me when I was a kid.”

“Mean is pretty harsh,” Matt comments. “I cared about you when we were younger, I just didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Well you did a pretty good job keeping that to yourself.”

A comfortable silence falls amongst the two. Matt was running his fingers up and down your arm gently. You had your head on his shoulder, your hand resting on his thigh. Eventually you pull yourself away from Matt, turning to look at him.  “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

“Yeah, sure,” he replies, the two of you gathering the empty glasses and dishes from the table before heading inside. “Do you want a t-shirt to wear?”

Glancing down at your dress you nod in response. “That would be great.” 

Matt rifles through his suitcase, handing a t-shirt to you before beginning to unbutton his own dress shirt. Sitting on the edge of the bed you pull your shoes off, tossing them to the side before standing up again. “Can you help me?” you ask, turning around and pulling your hair to the side, exposing the zipper up the back of your dress. 

“Yeah, of course.” His hands were gentle as he slides the zipper down slowly. “How’d you get it zipped up?”

“Not gracefully,” you laugh. “And I wasn’t about to let you see me struggle that bad.”

Matt places his hands on your waist after unzipping your dress, tugging you back against his body. “Are you sure that’s why?”

Sighing quietly you lean back against him. “I do like when you touch me,” you admit. 

You can hear Matt inhale sharply and you can’t help but giggle. Pulling away from him you slide your dress off your body, feeling incredibly exposed in front of him. You had been in a bikini around him many times before, but something about this felt very different. Quickly tugging the t-shirt on over your head you make your way to the large bed, leaning against the headboard as you wait for Matt to join you. 

Once a movie is decided upon you settle in beside Matt, your head on his shoulder, your arm over his chest. Despite trying to fight off the heaviness in your eyes you eventually drift to sleep before the movie was over. 

The next time you open your eyes the morning sun is shining in through the patio doors and you’re curled up under the soft blankets. Rolling over you watch Matt’s eyes open, a sleepy smile forming on his lips. “Morning,” he mumbles. 

“Morning,” you whisper, looking at the clock on the bedside table. Thankfully you still had plenty of time before you were supposed to be meeting everyone for breakfast. There was no way the two of you could lie your way out of both of you being late for breakfast. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

Matt chuckles, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. “Yeah, how dare you,” he joked. 

“Did you like, tuck me into bed?” you question, not remembering being under the blanket at any time while you were awake. 

“Yes, but don’t make it weird.”

“Why would I make it weird?” you ask with a mischievous smirk. “You’re so sweet, just a gentle teddy bear, so caring and cute, letting me sleep in your super comfy bed, way better than my own, making sure I’m all tucked into bed,” you tease, knowing this was exactly what he was talking about. 

“Go back to your room,” Matt groans, shaking his head. 

“Fine, I will,” you tell him, climbing out of the bed and picking your dress up from the ground. 

“I didn’t mean that.”

Pulling Matt’s t-shirt off you set it on the bed, laughing at how fast he was taking his comment back. “That’s good to hear, but I really do need to go shower and get ready for breakfast.”

After a quick goodbye and a rushed shower in your own room you head to breakfast. While you definitely exchanged a few knowing looks with Matt breakfast goes by without a hitch. So does the rest of the day, through last minute wedding prep, hair and makeup, and getting dressed. By the time the ceremony was about to begin you had been so busy all day that your thoughts were not wholly wrapped up in Matthew. 

You survive the walk down the aisle without tripping and you manage to not shed enough tears to wreck your makeup while watching your best friends get married. The entire process slips by so fast, dinner and speeches being over before it felt like you even had a chance to catch your breath. 

Before you know it the dance floor is filled with people, the lights in the reception hall are dim and you finally have the chance to sneak off to the bar on your own to get yourself a drink. 

“How’re you holding up?”

Looking over you smile up at Matt, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t realize being a bridesmaid would feel like running a marathon.”

Matthew chuckles quietly, wrapping an arm around your waist as he steps closer to you at the bar. “How about we go outside? Actually get some air this time.”

After collecting your drink you follow Matt, sneaking out through a backdoor. You sit down on the stairs to the beach, Matt joining you a second later. Tipping your head to the side you rest it on Matt’s shoulder, taking a deep breath of the fresh air. 

“I’m tired,” you laugh, feeling Matt wrap his arm around your waist. 

“You can sleep in my much comfier bed tonight,” Matt says, using your own teasing words back at you. 

Giggling you lift your head to look at Matt, your eyes falling to his lips. Matt brings his lips to yours in response, kissing you gently. He places his hand under your leg, pulling it over his and turning your body towards him. Your fingers grasp at the lapels of his suit jacket, tugging him closer as the kiss becomes more and more intense. When you pull back to catch your breath you notice the figure standing near the door. 

“Fuck,” you breathe out, clambering to your feet. “Brady,” you call as he turns to head back inside. 

“No, don’t let me stop you,” Brady comments, turning back to you as you get closer. 

“I’m sorry, we weren’t going to be out here long, I promise, it’s been like five minutes,” you assure him. 

“You two came out here five minutes ago and started making out?” 

“Yes,” you insist, feeling Matt place his hand on your lower back, standing next to you. 

“What the fuck happened in five minutes to make this happen?” Brady asks, clearly skeptical about your timeline. 

“Uh,” you begin, glancing up at Matt. “It wasn’t, I mean, this wasn’t…”

Brady raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to go on before a look of realization crosses his face. “This wasn’t the first time.”

Shaking your head your lips form a tight-lipped, nervous smile. “No,” you whisper. 

“How long have you two been fucking then?” Brady exclaims. 

“No, oh my god, we haven’t,” you defend, hearing Matt chuckle at your frantic need to get that fact straight. “We kissed yesterday and then, I don’t know, we spent last night together. But I promise we weren’t keeping it a secret for anything other than not wanting to distract from your wedding.”

Brady nods slowly, glancing back and forth from you to Matt and then back to you. “Fuck,” he groans, throwing his head back dramatically. “I knew this was going to happen.”

“What?” you mutter, arms folded over your chest. 

“Well I thought if it was going to happen it would have happened years ago, you two had weird tension growing up and I don’t even think either of you even noticed it.”

Your attention is redirected to Matt, trying to figure out if you were the only one who hadn’t picked up on any tension. From Matt’s look of confusion you knew you weren’t. “Tension?” you press forward. 

“Oh my god,” Brady groans. “Everyone but you could see it. You always said you didn’t like each other but people who don’t like each other don’t spend that much time together.”

You glance back up to Matt again, feeling like your entire childhood was being laid out in front of you in a completely different light. 

“Be honest, Matt, you’ve always had feelings for her,” Brady states, staring directly at Matthew. As Matthew opens his mouth to say something Brady cuts him off. “You did, I don’t even know what you’re going to say but you did. You pretended to be so annoyed but you hung around us like a fucking fruit fly, if you were really annoyed you would have gone and done something else.” 

“Are you mad?” you finally whisper, voice meek and anxious. 

“No,” Brady exclaims loudly. “Oh my god, no, I’m actually kinda relieved I can stop pretending that you two always hated each other. You never did and you’ve made me go along with your weird little charade of always being annoyed with each other.”

“Brady,” you say softly, throwing your arms around him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that or this or anything to make you feel weird or anything.”

Brady wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug. “It’s okay, but can you both come in and enjoy the party because we’re paying a lot for it for you two to just sit out here making out.”

Laughing you pull back, nodding in agreement to come back inside. “As long as you’re okay with me dancing with Matt.”

“Gross,” Brady teases, the three of you heading back into the reception venue. “But I’m going to find my wife so you two do whatever you want, I’ve got a wife now.”

“Yes, you do so go find her,” you tell him, letting yourself fall back into Matt’s arm. He wraps his arm around you, pulling you into his side. “So you’ve always like me,” you tease, looking up at Matt. 

“I don’t know what he’s talking about,” Matt says, his cheeks red as he shake his head. 

Giggling you lean up, kissing him quickly. “Okay, fruit fly, let’s go dance.” 

You’re trying to walk to the dance floor when Matt wraps his hand around yours, tugging you back into his chest. “Absolutely not, you’re not calling me fruit fly,” Matt says with a breath of laughter. 

With a playful smirk you wrap your arms over his shoulders, “what are you going to do, punish me for it?”

Matt lets out a quiet groan, glancing up to the roof for a second. “Fuck, let’s go dance, we can’t keep going with this conversation.”

“Why?” you laugh, feigning innocence as you bring your lips closer to his ear. “Can’t handle thinking about it? Me and you, all alone, your hands-.”

“Stop,” Matt mutters, pulling away from you. “Don’t do this to me.”

Grabbing his hand you tug him along to the dance floor. “Then dance with me, or I’ll keep going.”

“You’re holding me hostage on this dance floor,” Matthew tells you, but the unwavering smile on his face tells you all you need to know. 

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it, Brady ruined your little act.”

“He did,” Matt laughs softly, “but I’m kinda glad he did.”

[builtbybrokenbells]

It’s Never Over

A blowout resulting in an untimely breakup between y/n and her long term boyfriend leaves both of them broken. A year and a half later, after nothing but radio silence and unrequited love, they find themselves face to face once more. Both grown up, living completely different lives, but still hurting over mistakes their younger selves made, and still hopelessly head over heels for each other. They find themselves caught up in the struggle of choice; to allow history to repeat itself, or let the memory of their past fade away into nothing.

listen while reading: lover, you should’ve come over - Jeff Buckley

Pairing: josh kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 17.7k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, sweet soft makeup sex, oral (f!receiving), fingering, praise, pet names, body worshiping ig if you squint, breakups/breakup talk, angst (with a happy ending 😁), mentions of drugs, drinking, sad josh (needs a warning of its own), crying, some yelling, sweetness, tooth rotting fluff, sorry if I miss any!!!

so somebody requested some josh angst and i just couldn’t help myself 🤭 a very happy ending, pinky promise. you guys know me well enough to know I’m a slut for happy endings. also sorry it turned out so long, i HAVE to stop it with the literal novels. i just got super attached to the characters and got carried away (what else is new). i also wrote this mostly in one sitting so I had to trim a lot and add things here and there, but i hope this is satisfactory!! also not fantastically edited, cause I’m super lazy 🫣 as always, be kind, enjoy, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!!

~

The silk of your dress clung to your skin, the slit in the leg just promiscuous enough to catch eyes, but not enough to be uncomfortably exposed. The deep emerald green was elegant, a fantastic choice on your part. Your hair hung loosely over your shoulders, the scent of your perfume radiating around you. You were dressed to the nines, much like the other women pooling into the lobby of the five-star hotel. Even so, you had never felt more out of place. As you anxiously awaited the progression to the main event, you couldn’t help but check over your shoulders every few minutes. You were hoping to catch sight of any familiar faces before they saw you, in hopes of a head start to hide away. You straightened your hair out and fixed the straps of your dress, trying to pass a few more minutes without focusing on your nervousness.

It was your first time back in Nashville after a year and a half of avoiding it. You’d moved to New York some time ago and hadn’t looked back since. Your hometown was greatly missed, but for no reasons that were obvious. You didn’t miss your family; you shared phone calls and texts, which was perfectly fine for you. They’d always been a bit hard on the head, raving about appearance and sophistication rather than fun and happiness, so the distance wasn’t terribly troublesome. Your siblings were scattered across the world, anyway, so the change in location really had no effect on the relationships you previously had with them. The town itself wasn’t troublesome to leave behind, either. You had gotten your fill of it in your first twenty-some years of life, and it was quite refreshing to get out into the world and see something new.

What you did miss, though, was the boy you left behind. Although, it wasn’t a choice to leave him; he’d made that decision for you, and without a hesitation, too. You never expected him to come with you while you followed your dream. It would be selfish to expect him to leave everything behind to chase you around the world. But, you did hope that there was a part of him that wanted to make it work despite the distance, like you’d done for him countless times. When you told him you had to go, that the move was something you desperately needed, all of the love he ever had for you seemed to disappear. He turned cold and distant, and ended things without a second thought.

“Please, Josh, just listen to me for one minute!” You begged, tears forming in your eyes. His usually joyous face was nothing short of indifferent towards you, now.

“I don’t have anything to talk about with you, y/n.” The words were equal to a stab to the chest. His eyes were looking anywhere but you, secretly afraid he’d break down and tell you everything he was holding back.

“You’re going to throw the last three years out the window over this? Without a compromise, or a conversation, or anything at all?” There was a few feet of space between you, both scared of breaking the invisible boundary.

“You’re leaving! You pack up all of your shit and move in with me, just to tell me a few months later that you’re moving across the country? You’ve known for a while, and you’re just telling me now?” He finally broke, the pain in his eyes clearer than anything you’d ever seen. The accusatory tone was infuriating, as if he was sentencing you with a crime you hadn’t committed.

“I haven’t known for a while, Josh. I just got the email today! I applied thinking there was no way in hell I would ever hear back, but I did, and I have to go. This is my dream, you know that. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.” You pleaded for him to see reason.

“The only thing, huh?” You could tell the statement landed wrong, feeling guilty for even making him think that was what you meant. “I tell you all of the time you can come work with us, design for us; we’d be more than happy to have you there.”

“I can’t do that! I can’t always be in the background of your fame. I can’t backpack off of your success, live in the shadows of my boyfriend forever. I need to make a name for myself, to prove to everyone that I can do it on my own, without any handouts.” You explained. He nodded, barely responding to anything you had to say about it.

“That’s fine, y/n. Go, live your dream. I’m not stopping you.” He sounded defeated, like he was giving up.

“What about us?” You whispered, your voice hoarse from the hours of back-and-fourth yelling.

“Clearly you weren’t thinking about me when you made the decision, so why are you worried about it, now?” Your heart broke, the tears you were holding back finally falling down your cheeks. “You can go, but I’m not going to wait for you to come back.” Silence hung thick in the air, and for the first time in your long history, it was uncomfortable.

“So that’s it?” You snapped. “I can sit at home while you travel the world, wait for you to come home, not know if you’re sleeping with the millions of girls that throw themselves at you? That’s fine? But the minute I want to get out of here, escape the shitty 9-5 lifestyle and do something for myself, I’m the bad guy? I’m not asking you to drop everything and come with me, I’m just asking you to love me enough to support me while I do it!” You could see regret flash in his eyes, both of your emotions running high and clouding your judgement. When he remained silent, you got more than enough of an answer. “Okay,” you let out a small, humourless laugh. “I’ll get my shit, then. If this is how you want to go about it, fine by me. You’ll never have to see me again.” You turned towards the hallway, preparing yourself to pack up your entire life.

“Y/n,” he said, stopping you for a moment. “Just stay, please.” You could hear tears in his voice, too.

“So I can sit around and wait for you for the rest of my life?” Your voice cracked, effortlessly showing him all of the emotion you were trying not to let out. “I can’t put everything on pause because you don’t want me to go, Josh. I might never get a chance like this ever again. I don’t want to leave you, but this is my life. My dream.”

“I’m supposed to be a part of your life, too.”

“Not if you make me choose.”

“So you’ve already made up your mind?” The accusation fuelled a fire in you.

“I was hoping to have both, but I guess we can’t have everything we want.” He let out a long exhale.

“Yeah, I guess so.” He grumbled. “You’re leaving to chase after a possibility, y/n. You’re gonna move out there with no real offer lined up? You could get out there and end up at another shitty office job. Alone, away from everything you know. I’m here. I love you, and I’m certain about that.” Your stomach sank at his words, filled with dread knowing that he didn’t believe in you.

“You may be, but I’m not.” You scoffed. “If you love me, you’d support me. You know how bad I want this. You’re not being fair.” You waited for a moment, hoping he’d say something else. When you were met with another staggering silence, you stumbled away from him with your heart in your stomach and your head in your hands. You left your house key on the bed before walking away forever.

That was the last time you spoke to him. A few days after that, you got on a plane to New York and spent months trying to rid yourself of his memory. Now, over a year later, every essence of your being was still plagued with Josh Kiszka. You never got over him, you never moved on, and you never stopped thinking of him. He was the love of your life; the type of love that overshadowed any other emotion you could ever experience. Sure, you hated him, too, and a part of you hoped you’d never see him again, but there was a bigger part of you that longed for one more hug, or even just another smile. He was one of a kind, and nobody held a candle to him. He never texted, he never called, or even so much as liked a social media post. Sometimes, you wondered if you’d spend the rest of your life yearning for someone who barely remembered you existed.

As much as you still loved him, the hurt you held in your chest was debilitating. He let you walk out the door, no hint of hesitation. It killed you, because you’d spent years cheering him and his brothers on while they lived their dream, but he wasn’t willing to reciprocate for you. You hoped he would change his mind, but the only thing you’d received in your year away was radio silence. There was no solid proof that you ever existed to him aside from memory, and that’s what hurt you the most. You watched his life through pictures, his face gracing your phone screen with new press releases and album announcements, sending you spiralling down the Kiszka rabbit hole even further. You listened to their music every now and then, even watched a few interviews, just to remind yourself of what his voice sounded like. You were well aware that their new album was bound to release within the next few months. It served as another reminder of how great his life was going without you in it.

You hadn’t done too bad for yourself, either. The move to New York stemmed from a submission to be considered for a spot in New York Fashion Week. You’d applied as a model for the event, with slim expectations for a response. When they responded to your headshots, it kickstarted the fire in you to follow your passion. Once you arrived, you modelled and found that taste of life you’d been longing for so badly. You had the opportunity to meet big names you had been dreaming of meeting your whole life, and somehow even managed to pick up a mentor to help you achieve your biggest dream: design. After a few months of solely shadowing her, then a year of sleepless nights and some blood, sweat, and tears, you were finally set to release your own line of designer clothing. Of course, it was partnered with your mentor company, but it still adorned your name.

Most of your presale items were already sold out, giving you an overwhelming sense of pride. Big celebrities were in line to own your clothing, eager enough to buy it that they were ordering months ahead. As much as it hurt leaving everything behind when you moved to New York, your life was more than you ever could have imagined it, now. Still, with all of the financial success, a part of you still felt like it was missing. Somewhere amidst all of the fame, you realized that you may have given up a bit too much to get where you were. You tried not to focus on it, knowing that dwelling on the past would only limit you from the future. If Josh Kiszka was meant to be yours, he would be. If not, life would go on. You had to understand that, because if you believed anything else, you were sure it would kill you.

The crowd began to filter away in front of you, letting you know the doors to the event were opening. The cameras outside were still flashing, meaning guests were still arriving. You were thankful you had a room booked upstairs so you could avoid the paparazzi. As much as you loved your work, the galas and celebrations could be a bit much by times. You almost preferred the quietness of the design room over the runway, now. At first, the pictures and cheers and magazine covers were a thrill. They’d begun to lose their novelty almost as soon as it started, just the same as the parties. When your boss handed you a plane ticket a few days prior, you questioned why you were heading to Nashville. She’d wasted no time in telling you about the Gala you would be not only attending, but speaking at. Your stomach was sick at the idea. Some of it was due to the public speaking, but more so because Nashville was the last place you wanted to be. But, part of the job was to keep up appearances, so you had no choice but to oblige.

The question of Nashville in specific brought up a whole world of information. Apparently, the success of your line of clothing had caused some speculation of expansion. That morning, the company announced your own outlet store opening in your hometown. They thought it as a gift to you, but it was more of a nightmare. That meant a lot more time in Nashville, even permanently, for a while. Also, more appearances, and more of a chance to run into the boy you’d rather run away from. Still, your appreciation of the gesture was unmatched; knowing they had faith in you to have your own outlets meant more than anything in the world. You felt like the success you’d been searching for had finally rewarded you. So, you hopped on a plane and threw on your best dress. You left your hotel room with big smiles and the determination to forget any uncertainty. Still, you were well aware that a gala in Nashville would indisputably include musicians. That meant there was a larger chance of seeing Josh than you were particularly comfortable with.

You followed the sea of people into the large room, noticing it was decorated in hints of golds and silvers, really showcasing elegance. The stage was lit up with low lights, hinting towards the anticipated guest speakers. Soft music flowed through the sound system, enveloping you in a warm embrace. Music was the best way to drown out the other noise, and in your life, there was always noise. “You know, there’s more to life than caviar and blow.” You looked to your side, focusing on your company for the night. You laughed at her comment once you’d processed what she said. “I don’t think many people here know that.”

“It’s a tale of the rich, Liz. Most of these people were born on a bed of gold plated fish eggs and were shoved straight into generational drug addiction.” You smirked, eyes scanning the crowd. You knew your parents weren’t poor, but they were far from the families some of these people were born into. They had good reputations in the community, but not across the world. You weren’t impoverished, but would never have fathomed this type of money as a kid. As much as they cared about appearance, they were good parents. They raised you with love and strong morals, and you weren’t a stranger to struggle. They didn’t pay your way through life. What you got came from what you earned.

“Can you even imagine growing up this way? First birthdays spent at the Met Gala and graduation parties thrown in Venice?” She chuckled, but disbelief was present in her tone. Liz was a university student you’d hand picked to hire after her graduation. She doubled as an assistant and one of your models, but she was more than that. Over the months, she’d slowly turned into your best friend. She wasn’t much younger than you, only by about three years. Her resume caught your eye faster than any other, and you’d called her almost instantly. She just wanted experience in the fashion world, but you were certain that if things went smooth over the next few months, you’d ensure she’d be given her shares in the company. She worked extremely hard, had fantastic insight, along with being bright, kind, and hilarious. She kept you on your toes and brought you back to reality when you needed it.

“I suppose if you don’t know anything else, it’s completely normal.” You theorized. “I don’t ever want my kids to grow up that way. I don’t want them to be scared of playing outside and getting dirty. I don’t want money to be their main concern. And, if I had to suffer through the American public school system, they will too.” You laughed. She joined in, agreeing completely. You turned your head towards her, noticing the material of her dress was misplaced around her shoulders. “Mm, hold on,” you said, reaching over to her. She faced you, already knowing what the look on your face meant. You straightened it out, taking a small step back to double check. “There. Can’t have you in disarray, darling. Sure way to get us kicked out.” She grinned, picking up on your joking tone immediately.

“You just want your designer dresses to look perfect.”

“I’m nothing if not vain.” You both shared another laugh. You noticed a photographer making his way around the room through the corner of your eye. “Lipstick check.” You said, panicked. You flashed her your teeth.

“You’re good.” She repeated the action back to you.

“You, too.” You let out a dramatic sigh of relief. “Can’t wait to get the pictures and introductions over with so we can start drinking.”

“You don’t need any generational alcoholism; you got that all by yourself.” She chided. You chuckled, eyes searching for a server with champagne. That was one thing that was always for certain; no matter how mind-numbing the gala’s were, there was always high-end alcohol floating around somewhere.

“It’s not all pretty patterns and cross stitching, you know. Have to drown the demons somehow.” Your conversation was cut short by a camera being shoved in your faces. You gave your best public smile, the kind where your lips were upturned but you looked a little dead behind the eyes. Somehow in the celebrity world, that equated to elegance. You posed with Liz, giving the camera a bit of a show. Eventually, you broke and gave a real smile, but only for a moment. Once the photographer moved away, you relaxed your posture, feeling a bit more human.

“Does fame always entail looking soulless?”

“Yeah, pretty much. You’ll get used to it.” You mumbled, eyes falling to the table that was overflowing with food. Your eyes lit up at the sight of self-serve champagne flutes. You grabbed Liz’s hand, bringing her along with you as you advanced towards it. You picked up a glass, immediately taking a large gulp out of it. The nude colour of your lipstick stained the rim, claiming it as your own. Liz grabbed one too, also indulging in the bubbly liquid. “You don’t have to look soulless all of the time. Just when you’re posing, or on the walk, or if you’re walking down the street, or at the supermarket.” You listed, humour radiating from you. “Interviews give you the chance to show a little bit of life. Takes the world as a shock, you know, when they realize you actually have a personality.” You continued the earlier conversation.

“That seems a bit odd, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah, definitely. But it’s what I was taught.” You gave a shrug. “I think people find power attractive, and that’s kind of what you encase in pictures when you look like that. At least that’s what I picked up from it.”

“Makes sense, I guess. Also makes the interviews more memorable, too. People cling to the emotion ‘cause they feel like they finally get to know some part of you. Feel connected, even.”

“Exactly, sweetheart. See? You’re gonna have my job in no time.”

“Oh, don’t say that, you’ve got at least two more good years before people get bored of you.” You couldn’t help the cackle that fell from your lips, finding the statement hilarious mostly because of its truth. The spotlight only shines for so long before it’s begging to move on. “I don’t want your job. I’d like to work with you forever, I think.” She picked up an appetizer from the table, eyeing it suspiciously before popping it in her mouth.

“Don’t you think I’d be more fun when I go batshit crazy because I don’t know what to do with myself after the fame?”

“No, because I’d have to take care of you.” She said without missing a beat. “I know the rest of the ass-kissers at the office won’t. They just want their five minutes of fame. They don’t give a shit about you.” You hummed an agreement, knowing she was speaking the truth. True connection in the world of money and power was rare, and she was the only person you’d ever felt it with aside from your own mentor. It was a constant struggle of use people or get used, and it was exhausting. As much passion as you had for your work, you were always the first to admit that the industry was ruthless.

“Yeah, sometimes I feel like Julius Caesar walking in there. Waiting for the day they all get together and stab me.” You took another sip from your glass.

“Well, they’ll probably stab me, too. At least we can go to hell, together.” You raised your glass as a cheers to the statement. She gently clicked her glass against yours in response. “Jokes aside, you are a good boss. They all have great things to say about you, so you don’t have to worry about planned assassination, yet.”

“Fantastic news. I’ve been preparing for it for weeks, now.” You smiled. Just as you finished speaking, the lights dimmed a little further. You paid no mind to it, assuming it was just a cue for everyone to gather around in preparation for the first speech. “I want to be a good boss. I don’t want to be the person everybody is scared of. I do what I do because I love it, not for the money. If I can make people fall in love with it, too, then I know I did something worthwhile. That’s the end goal.” You drained the last of your beverage, placing your glass on the tray to be taken away. You immediately went for another, needing the liquid courage for when the stage was yours.

“You do a good job. That office is full of inspiration. I never felt out of place, even when I had no experience. Made me feel like I was meant to be there, rather than just meant to work for you.” You let a smile out, one laced with genuineness.

“Cause you are, Liz. I didn’t hire you because i thought you’d stroke my ego. I hired you because I knew you’d challenge me. There’s no pride in getting your way all of the time. We all need a little criticism to thrive.”

“It’s insane, y/n. I remember being in my grad year and hearing about the new model catching the attention of everyone at Fashion Week. Less than a year later, you were working with one of the biggest designers in America, and starting your own brand. You made the industry your bitch, and when you hired me I was terrified of you. I thought anyone who climbed the ladder that fast had to be evil. But you’re just a person. My friend, even. You respect everyone, from the big bosses to the janitors. It’s very admirable.”

“Don’t stroke my ego, I just told you that’s not why I hired you.” You chuckled. “I was the same as everyone else, too. I didn’t come from money, I had to do the dirty work, I got my heart broken, and knocked down a few times, too. I can recognize what I have now had a lot to do with luck, even if I do have the talent. That’s just the way the industry works. But, everyone plays a part in success, even if you’re the one changing the garbages, signing the legal documents, or have your name sewn into the tag.” She watched you in admiration as you spoke, almost shaking her head in disbelief. Despite the tiny age gap, she always felt like she could get the wisdom she craved from you. She looked up to you, even when you told her not to. In your eyes, you and her were the same. You wished she’d start to see it that way, too. “You’ll realize I’m just me when I get up there and stumble over all of my words.” You chuckled.

“You’ll look hot while you do it, though.” She gave you a nudge with your elbow. You laughed, feeling redness rise to your cheeks.

“You think so?” You appreciated the compliment more than she realized. Deep down, you were hoping to look good, just in case Josh happened to be floating around the event.

“Oh, yeah. That dress was the right choice.” You both fell into a silence, meticulously people watching. By the time the first speech was over with, you were buzzing with nervousness for your turn on the stage. You realized just how many people were there as you observed the crowed, understanding that if you messed up, you’d be the laughing stock of the event. Liz picked up on your anxiety, soothing you with small jokes and comments intermittently. It was helping slightly, knowing that you weren’t there alone, at least.

You’d done a lot of behind the scenes work over the last year. You did a few shows, not minding the camera in your face because you didn’t have to say anything. There was no worry of stutters or misplaced rambling. Only recently had you started speaking publicly, beginning with interviews and press conferences. Now, they were integrating you into a spokesperson. As your mentor told you, your work is nothing without publicity. You needed to create the illusion of connection, make people believe they know you, make them feel appreciated. That was the key to success. You spoke at a few gala’s, but this was the largest one to date with some of the most popular faces. The alcohol was giving you a bit of a sense of confidence, and whether it was fake or not didn’t matter; you had it, and you were going to use it.

A hand on your shoulder sent a jolt of shock through you, as it was unfamiliar, yet strangely comforting. Somewhere in your soul, you recognized it without even having to look at the face. “I always told you green was your colour, sunshine.” The tone, the dialect, formulation of the words, even the barely noticeable Michigan accent at the end of the sentence was painstakingly reminiscent for you. Your stomach plummeted, heart pounding against your rib cage as you turned towards the voice. Your gaze connected with his, sending a wave of emotion through you more powerful than most you’d felt before.

“Jake,” you breathed. His lips upturned into a smile, unable to contain his excitement to see you.

“I missed you.” He said, wasting no time pulling you into a hug. As much of a shock as it was to see him, you couldn’t help but melt into the hold. As angry as you were with his brother, Jake had always been your best friend through the years of dating Josh. When your relationship came to an untimely end, so did your friendship. You’d grown estranged from the boy in the same way you had with Josh, and it killed you just the same, too. You spent days deliberating reaching out to him, just to check in, but you didn’t want to overstep boundaries. Instead, you mastered the art of becoming a stranger with him, too.

“You had time to miss me with all of that music you’re making?” You teased, pulling back but not fully letting go of him. Your hand rested on his bicep, hesitant to release him in case he slipped away. “An album and another world tour coming up, I’m surprised you have time to think of anything other than that guitar.”

“Always have time to think about you,” he said, trying to pass it off as a joke. You could see a flicker of hurt cross his eyes, the small emotion feeling like a stab to the chest. “What about you, though? Your own brand and an outlet store here in Nashville?”

“So you keep up to date with me?” You grinned.

“Seems like you do, too.” He chuckled. “I, uh… I’m proud of you, Sunny.” The words settled in your bones like cement, weighing you down. As kind as they were, everything seemed to hurt when it was coming from his mouth. Maybe it was the way he said it, or the way his tone of voice reminded you so much of the boy you forced yourself to stop thinking about. Maybe it was his mannerisms, or the face, because when he turned his head a certain angle, all you could see was Josh. Whatever it was, it hurt, and it hurt achingly bad.

“I’m proud of you guys, too. The single was phenomenal. I always knew you guys were destined for something big. I think I can even see the rock and roll hall of fame in your future.” You smiled.

“One can dream.” He laughed. “I saw you were almost completely sold out of pre-orders. Everybody has been talking about you. It’s crazy.”

“You checked out my website?” You asked, a fizzle of excitement sparking in your chest. He scoffed at the question.

“I think we were the first to put an order in.” He was telling the truth, you could sense the genuine nature of his words just by his eyes. “The men’s line is super cool, by the way.”

“Oh,” you squeaked. “You got something?” Your cheeks were burning with embarrassment.

“Of course we did, y/n. We all got something.” You wanted to press further about his statement of ‘all’, but you pushed the thought away.

“I thought you guys would have forgotten about me by now.” You admitted. A bewildered look flashed across his face.

“Forget you?” He asked, unable to believe you’d ever think that. “Sunny, we think about you almost every day. We talk about you all of the time.” You swallowed hard at the new found information. “I saw your name on the program and I knew I couldn’t let you get away without saying hi, at least. I’ve been looking for you all night. Recognized you as soon as I saw you over here. Could spot you from a mile away. I know… I know things ended pretty poorly, but the love is still there. That’ll never go away.” You almost didn’t know how to answer, wanting to pry more from him, but also not wanting to know at all.

“Is… is Josh here, too?” You finally asked, knowing the answer before he replied.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Is he,” you paused yourself, unsure if the inquiries were pushing a boundary. “okay? I mean, like obviously, but you know.” You rambled, embarrassing yourself slightly.

“He’s Josh.” Jake assured you, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “He misses you. He’s the first to check all of the fashion magazines to see if they’re talking about you. He hasn’t been… quite the same, since everything. He still laughs and drinks and rambles, but he’s a bit more distant, I think.”

“Oh,” you repeated your same proclamation from earlier.

“If you feel up to it, maybe stop and say hello. Even if you don’t talk to him, Sam and Danny would be over the moon to see you.”

“Uh, I don’t know, Jake.” A humourless laugh fell from your lips. “Some things are just better left as is.”

“I don’t think this one is,” he said, eyes boring into you. “It’s completely up to you, sunshine.” He said, smiling warmly to assure you he meant it. Before you could respond, the announcer called out your name; in the height of emotion, you must have missed your introduction. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?” Jake said, ushering you to the stage. You nodded, downing the last of your champagne before bustling towards the stairs. You were mindful of the skirt of your dress as you walked, fearing you may trip on it and ruin the entrance. Once you had both feet planted safely on the stage, you took to the mic stand.

“Thank you for that kind introduction,” You smiled off to the side of the stage at the host, assuming he had said something kind like he had for the other speakers. Otherwise, you would look a bit like a fool. “It’s fantastic to be here tonight.” You took in a breath, trying not to focus on the crowd staring up at you. “I spent a long time debating on what to say when I got here, tonight. If I’m being completely transparent, I’m still not sure. The boss told me to get up here and tell you about myself, so that’s what I’m going to do.” You started, eyes settling on Liz for some sense of security. You used her as a focal point until your comfortability grew. “It’s intimidating getting on stage and talking about success. Especially when I feel far behind in that department, sometimes. It doesn’t seem to matter how many sales are made, or how many congratulations are spewed; we always seem to be our biggest critic, and I haven’t been able to break that habit, yet. Growing up in Nashville, there was always buzz about the greats and the up and coming stars; this whole city, and state, is full of pride, and for good reason. To think that I can be considered part of it has been mind-blowing. Knowing the support I have from home and all over the world has been incredibly eye opening, and a bit of a confidence boost, too.” You flashed a smile, causing a chorus of laughter from the audience.

“Just over a year ago, I was packing my bags and riddled with anxiety at the thought of jumping on a plane and flying away from everything I’d ever known. Somehow, by the grace of the universe, I’d been selected to participate in New York Fashion Week. When I moved there, there was no true promise of a career, but the publicity certainly seemed like a good place to start. As I flew away from here, all I could hear in my head was a million reasons to turn around and stay home. There was one voice of reason in the swarm of negativity that pushed me to follow my dream, and I’m so thankful I listened to it.” You paused, regaining your breath before you continued on. “When I arrived, I got to meet people I’d been admiring for my entire life; names that I never thought I would get a chance to speak about, let alone speak to them. I walked with pride, even in my ignorance. I had no idea what I was doing, I was just happy to be there. Somehow, in my clumsiness and lack of grace, someone saw potential. I was lucky enough to be graced with a mentor who never gave up on me; one who taught me everything I know. She is my rock, and my mother away from home. I owe every success to her, and I have no shame in saying that.” There was an awe from the crowd, appreciating the sweetness.

“She taught me design, sure, but more so than that, she taught me dedication, pride and the true meaning of hard work.” Another laugh sounded. “After a few months of relentless effort, it started to pay off. A few small companies picked up my designs, using them for miscellaneous projects. But one day, in the dreariness of winter, I was given my most valuable gift; the offer to launch my own line of clothing. Of course, partnered with my parent company, but my own work, with my heart and soul stitched into the seams. I still struggle to believe it’s real.” There was a chorus of cheers at the statement. You gave a smile, rose dusting your cheeks. “In the time from the early stages of production to now, I’ve made incredible memories. There were hard times, lots of tears and challenges, and even a couple nights leaving me with the desire to give up. But I pushed through, persevering only due to the strength that my team gives me every day. Every person I work with played a part in me getting here, and it would be incredibly dishonourable to walk away without thanking them for their hard work, too. I was lucky enough to bring along my assistant, Liz.” You pointed to her in the front row. “She’s been my driving force, my best friend, and my motivation. I have no doubt that she’ll take over for me eventually, or even be bigger than what I am, now. If anyone deserves applause, it’s her.” The crowd gave another round of cheers, causing the younger girl to erupt in a blush, smiling and waving slightly. When the crowd died down, you continued.

“I’m beyond grateful to say the presales for the brand have nearly been sold out already. That is almost unfathomable for me to think about. This morning our company issued an announcement, which I’m sure some have heard by now. After months of relentless efforts, and the dedication from my fantastic colleagues, in addition to launching this new line of clothing, our first outlet will be opening here in Nashville. We thought it only right for my hometown to be the first place to have access to our store. I’m at a loss of words at the moment; I cannot express my gratitude enough.” A round of applause sounded. You couldn’t hold back your grin, looking around the room at all of the beaming faces.

“I want to sincerely thank everyone here for giving me the time to speak. Telling my story still feels very odd, like I shouldn’t have a story to tell. I never expected to be here in my lifetime, let alone at the young age that I am. To be considered a part of Nashville’s pride is an extraordinary feeling, and proof that hard work does pay off. I would be nothing without this city, and to see the love it has for me is a beautiful thing. I also want to say thank you to all of the friends of the past, ones who I don’t necessarily speak with anymore, but I always hold close to me, no matter the distance. There’s a few in the audience tonight, ones who will forever hold a place in my heart. They helped me get here just as much as anyone else.” You gave a soft smile, trying to locate Jake. You caught sight of him, making sure he knew who you were talking about. You ignored the bodies that stood next to him, unsure if you could keep going if you caught Josh’s gaze. “So with that, I won’t keep you any longer. Enjoy your night of festivities. The food is fantastic, and so are the drinks. Thank you for allowing me to share my celebrations with you all, and here’s to a hundred more outlet stores across the world.”

As you stepped off the stage, you were finally able to fully catch your breath. The clapping and cheering didn’t fully dissipate until you rejoined Liz by the beverages. “You did fantastic!” She raved, handing you a new glass of champagne.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up.” You breathed, fanning yourself with your hand. You grabbed the champagne with your other, wanting to drink away the feeling of standing on stage. “This is so stupid, don’t you think?” You asked her. “A bunch of rich people bragging about how rich they are.”

“That’s only some of them. Others are people who worked hard and want to celebrate the success. That’s where you come in.” She gave you a pat on the shoulder. “Thanks for the mention. Made me feel special.”

“You are special,” you laughed. “Takes a certain type of person to be able to put up with me all day.”

“Mm, you seem pretty widely liked. Who was that guy you were talking to?” She pried. You grimaced at the memory of the interaction.

“Uh, that was ex-boyfriends twin brother.” You explained. Her eyes widened at the knowledge, almost as if she didn’t believe you. You were surprised she didn’t catch on. Well, more surprised that she wasn’t eavesdropping. If you were her, you would be.

“Like ex-boyfriend who broke up with you because you moved to New York?”

“That’s the one.” You nodded. She knew about Josh, but mostly just the basics. She was well aware of the constant internal battle of still loving him and hating his guts. “Jake was my best friend, too, though. Just ‘cause me and Josh ended badly doesn’t mean I don’t love him.” You shrugged.

“So do we hate Josh today, or love him?” She raised an eyebrow.

“To be determined.” You grabbed a napkin off the table and one of the more appetizing looking foods.

“Is he here?” You nodded.

“Whole band is. I’m not surprised. They have an album and a world tour coming up.”

“So you keep tabs on them,” she smirked.

“Yeah, obviously. You wouldn’t?”

“Fair enough.” She conceded. “Are you going to talk to him?”

You didn’t answer, mostly because you weren’t sure yourself. You had no idea if you wanted to talk to him, and no idea if he wanted to talk to you. You weren’t mad at her for being curious. She’d been trying to set you up on dates the entire time she’d known you, but you always turned them down. She only clued in to why after you told her about Josh. You had no interest in dating anyone, mostly because you were certain nobody would ever compare to him. The other part of you was terrified of getting hurt like that again. When Josh let you walk out without as much as a shred of hesitation, it shattered you. He was everything; the one thing in your life you’d ever been 100% certain of. Leaving him behind was gut wrenching, but knowing he didn’t care enough to fight for you was worse. You always believed he loved you enough to not care about the distance; the few tours he’d done while you were dating never proved to be an issue. You had a hard time swallowing the truth that he didn’t mind the distance as long as he wasn’t the one waiting at home.

“I don’t know, Liz.” You sighed. “It’s been a long time. I think it’s better to just let it go.”

“If you still love him this much after all of this time, maybe you shouldn’t.” You placed the flute to your lips, tipping your head back and taking another long drink of champagne.

“You’ll learn soon enough not to listen to your heart all of the time. Brain knows best.” You reminded. “And stop being an instigator, you little shit.” You laughed. She smiled, but her eyes were following something behind you. You furrowed your eyebrows at her sudden disinterest in you, finding it odd.

“Better turn your heart off, then.” She let out a quick mumble of words. She’d recognized him just from the similarities to his brother. There was no mistaking who he was, or who he was intending to talk to.

“What?” You questioned, turning your head to look in the direction of her gaze. As soon as you did, you wished you hadn’t.

Your heart sped, stomach erupting into nervous butterflies. Your palms were sweating and your breath was stuck in your throat. Josh was there, approaching you with intent. He looked different; his hair was fluffier, shaved down on the sides. He had facial hair, too, although not much. He really looked like he’d grown up since the last time you’d seen him. But, if you had to admit it, you did, too. No more kids pretending to be grown ups with too many hopes and dreams; real adults with real professions. Adults that admittedly, had been very stupid. Adults that were still very much hurting over the mistakes their younger selves made. The difference 18 months can make was staggering, you realized.

His confidence faltered once he caught your eyes. He was certain he was going to fall to his knees, weak just from the sight of you in front of him again. As he walked, he debated turning around, pretending he’d never seen you at all. But, he was certain there was a gleam of hope in your eye, and that drove him to keep going. “I’ll catch up with you later,” Liz said, quickly shuffling away to give you a moment of privacy. By the time she was out of sight, he was in front of you. The scent of incense and lingering cologne hit you like a ton of bricks. It was a scent you’d been craving for a long time, unmistakably Josh. Unmistakably home. The both of you stood, unsure of where to start. The emotion was too intense for a simple hello, but the uncertainty limited you both from saying anything else.

You looked over his face, taking in his features, studying him as if you were trying to memorize him all over again. He did look different, his jaw a bit more prominent and overall looked a bit more serious than he used to. Still, under the new facade, he was in there. The Josh you fell in love with was undoubtedly standing in front of you, just rebranded. You realized he couldn’t change enough to take away the type of love you had for him, for it was undying. “Is this the part where we cause a scene and I throw my drink at you?” You asked. The corner of his lips upturned into a smirk.

“If you feel the need to, I suppose I could understand why.” You returned the expression, happy to know that the spark was still there. At least to you, it was.

“How’ve you been, Josh?” You whispered. You were certain a flash of hurt crossed his eyes as the words left your lips. It was one that told you he thought too much of you for such simplistic small-talk. One that screamed rejection at the formalities, especially considering you both knew each other better than anyone else.

“Travelling the world.” He shrugged, but that’s all he gave. “What about you, Sunshine?” The sound of the nickname coming from his lips could have sent you straight to your knees. You had to take a long breath before you could respond, feeling the need to recover from his question.

“Dressing up and pretending I fit in with these people.”

“Pretending?” He challenged. “Could’ve fooled me.” You gave a soft smile. “That speech was phenomenal.”

“Suppose I’ve grown into the part, now.”

“Crazy what a year and a half can do, eh?” You caught his eyes, feeling your heart ache at the sea of brown you’d been missing so much. “Not like anyone was counting, though.” He added, trying to pass it off as a joke, afraid to let the vulnerability through.

“Yeah,” you agreed. “You look good.” You finally said, airing out what you wanted to admit. He chuckled.

“Have you looked in a mirror, lately? Success looks fantastic on you.” He breathed. “I didn’t think you could get any prettier, but you always seem to surprise me.” Your heart fluttered at the compliment.

“You’re all looking quite spectacular, actually. I’d like to meet your stylist. Seems like they really know what they’re doing. The stage outfits are a masterpiece. Maybe I could work with them, if you’re willing to open up a spot for an old friend.” You smiled, a warm one without any dishonest undertones. He let out a small laugh, nodding along to your statement.

“I’m sure we could work something out. We’d all be pretty thrilled to have you on board with us.” A painful moment ensued, one where you clearly picked up on his refrain. He was talking in broadness to avoid letting you know how badly he’d enjoy having you around, again. “Did you maybe want to go somewhere a bit more private?” He asked, breaking the silence you’d fallen into.

“Yeah, that would be alright.” You nodded. “Think I need a few drinks for this conversation, though.” You finished the last of your champagne and grabbed two more flutes. He nodded, appreciating the idea, then grabbed two for himself. He was grateful you hadn’t turned around and walked away. A simple hello was more than he was expecting from the conversation.

He led you in the direction of a side door, opening it and holding it for you. You slipped out, noticing that it revealed a patio area. The night was cool, but clear. The stars twinkled few and far between, and the moon casted a low light over the ground. There were a few tables and chairs places spaciously around the deck, the posts adorned with swirls of string lights. It would have been quite romantic had the mood not been so sullen. He pulled out a chair for you, inviting you to sit down. You did so, placing your glasses on the table. He pulled a chair from the other side of the table towards you. He settled in front of you, a little bit closer than ex’s should sit.

He took a long look at you, drinking in every detail and finding himself intoxicated from it. He’d wished for so long to have you in front of him again that he seemed to forget the effect you had on him. It had only gotten worse with time. He looked to be waiting for you to speak first, so you did. “Why’d you let me go that night?” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

“I was stupid.” He admitted.

“Yeah,” you nodded, agreeing with him.

“Why’d you leave like that?” He asked, challenging your question. You looked up at him, disbelief clouding your expression.

“You made me choose, Josh.” You reminded him, not willing to take the blame for the situation.

“And you didn’t choose me.” He said, not in an accusatory fashion. Just in a simple sense, as if he was recalling the night as you spoke.

“I didn’t want to choose at all.” You explained. “You were asking me to pick between the two things I wanted most in life. It’s not like I walked into that conversation planning to leave you.”

“You chose a job over me, y/n.” You shot him a look, one that he knew all too well. It would take a lifetime to forget it.

“What if it was the other way around? You know you wouldn’t have picked me over music.” He kept his gaze on you, almost smiling, despite the situation being completely humourless.

“I certainly would have thought about it.” He answered. You could see he meant it, but you weren’t sure if he understood the implications of what he was saying.

“Okay.” You nodded, acknowledging his answer. “Come to New York with me.” You said, crossing your arms in front of your chest. You thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head.

“What?”

“Come to New York with me.” You repeated, refusing to back down. He didn’t need to know you’d likely be staying in Nashville at least for the foreseeable future. He didn’t need to know your bags were packed at your apartment, waiting for you to return just so you could pick them up. Your homecoming was set in stone, but you needed to see if he realized the extent of his answer.

“Things are different, now, y/n.” He said, dismissing the subject.

“Pretend they’re not.” You urged. “Please.”

“I would fly to see you on the weekends. Stay with you as much as I could. But I couldn’t move there.” He said. You nodded along to his words, begging for him to see the issue in his statement.

“What if that’s not good enough? It’s all or nothing, Josh.” You felt your anger that you’d suppressed for so long begin to surface. “It’s me or the band.” You leaned forward, catching his eyes as he tried to look away from you.

“I get it, okay!” He finally exploded, likely feeling the same way you did. “I know what I did wasn’t right. I’ve spent a year and a half trying to forgive myself for it. But you were so caught up in being mad that you didn’t even stop to think about how I felt!” Rarely did you ever see Josh yell, let alone expel frustration the way he was doing in that moment. You were taken back, but not distracted from your feelings.

“Then tell me!” You pleaded. “You wouldn’t even look at me that night! All you said was you didn’t have anything to say to me, but clearly you do, so say it!”

“Fine, you want to hear it?” He asked, leaning forward, too. “I love, but I don’t fall in love with people. Never have. Thought it was too much commitment for such a short lifetime. I spent my entire life completely fine with never settling down. Then I met you, and you changed everything! I didn’t even get to decide whether I fell in love with you or not. By the time I started to realize how much you meant to me, I was already head over heels. I spent every day of my life, for three years, falling more in love with you every day that passed; I changed my whole outlook because you showed up and made me realize maybe I just hadn’t met the right person, and that’s why I never wanted to commit. We moved in together, and I started picturing this life with you, one where you had my last name and we had a few kids. Then you left. You just came home one day and said you were leaving, as if it weren’t an earth-shattering idea. I was so mad because you changed my entire life, and then you took it away!” You understood better, now. He felt abandoned, and you caused it. He never would have admitted it to you then, and he barely wanted to, now. Still, the idea of him thinking you were going to walk away and forget all about him stung like no other.

“I didn’t leave you, Josh. I left Nashville!” You exclaimed. “I never pictured a life without you, and I still don’t! I sit at my apartment alone and hope that maybe you’ll text me, or call, or show up! But you never did, so I had to learn how to deal with it!”

“It was the same thing, y/n! You left me behind for a whole new life. If we didn’t break up that night, we would have anyway!” You’re recoiled as if he’d burned you. “I didn’t call because you were perfectly fine leaving me here! You jumped on that plane and got to start over, and I got to sleep in a bed that haunted me with your presence!”

“It wasn’t the same, Josh.” You shook your head. “I sat at home in that apartment every day when you were touring the world, watching you live your dream from the sidelines. Watching girls throw themselves at you, always wondering if maybe I’d wake up one day and you’d find someone new. I waited for you, watching your life through a phone screen while I worked my shitty 9-5 and settled for video calls whenever you had time for me. Not once did I make you feel like shit about it. But the minute I get a chance at the life I’ve always dreamed of, it was a choice? One or the other? It wasn’t fucking fair, Josh. How was I supposed to stay after that?”

“You started dating me knowing that was my life! I spent three years with you building one of our own, one that we were used to, and comfortable with, one where we were happy. You came home one day and told me you’re getting on a plane and leaving for god knows how long. There was no discussion, I just had to be okay with it!” He was leaning closer with every word. Your faces were inches apart, both of you radiating with anger and on the defensive.

“Of course you were, Josh! You were my boyfriend! I told you I got invited to model in New York Fashion Week, and you made me feel like I didn’t have it in me, like you were already waiting for me to fail and come crawling back to you! You let me walk out that door like the three years we spent together meant nothing to you. Like you were only okay with being in love with me as long as it benefited you.” Tears were brimming in your eyes, the ache of the pain from that night still as prominent as it was a year prior. “You knew how much it meant to me. It was my biggest dream, one that I thought I would never achieve. I finally had a chance to live the life I always wanted, which still in included you, by the way, but you were too stubborn to understand anything other than your hurt. I would have came home every weekend to see you, called you every night, I would have done anything, because you were my whole world! You were supposed to support me, and you left me! I walked out that night, but you made that decision!” The tears spilled on to your cheeks, finally shed after so long holding them back. In the heat of the moment, at the sight of your hurt, he threw the anger and the fighting to the side. Without hesitation, his arms shot out and pulled you into a hug. You didn’t fight, just held him, too. As upset as you were, you knew that his hold was something you’d been longing for the whole time you were apart. The way he felt wrapped around you made you believe that the world was okay; the comfort was an impenetrable force.

“I never wanted to make you feel that way.” He whispered, holding your head securely in his palm. He used his other one to rub circles on your back. “I will always be your biggest fan, even if we never speak again after tonight. I’m so proud of you, and I can’t stress that enough. I was selfish, and I know that. You did so much for me, you always supported me, and I took it for granted. I was hurt when you left, but I never should have let you leave like that. I should have been there for you, cheering you on the same way you did for me.” He hesitated, but placed a kiss to the top of your head. When you didn’t recoil, he took it as a win. “I’m so sorry, y/n.”

“I am, too.” You said, the tears finally slowing. You pulled back, although quite hesitant in the action. He let you, but didn’t remove his hand from you. Instead, his thumb drifted to your cheek to wipe away the tears that had fallen. “It was never from a lack of love, Josh. When it comes to you, that’s not even a possibility. Breaking up with you was never an idea in my head. The distance didn’t scare me, because I knew I loved you enough to work through anything. When you wanted me to choose, I panicked. I was hurt, and I reacted based on that. I shouldn’t have walked out without fixing things. That was my mistake.”

“No, y/n. I shouldn’t have put you in that position, and I never should have let you leave like that. I was hurting and I was scared, I thought you would leave and forget about me. I didn’t want to lose you, but I ended up losing you, anyway, and I still haven’t recovered. It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” You leaned into his touch, resting your head on his hand.

“Josh, I fell in love with you the day I met you. That never changed. I still walk around New York City, hoping I run into you, praying it won’t be like this forever. Your memory lives in everything I do; I couldn’t forget about you, even if I wanted to. Trust me, I’ve tried.” You laughed. “You’re the love of my life, whether it was only for a period of time or if we still have a chance. Nobody could ever replace you.”

“I never moved out of the apartment. It’s still decorated the same. It still has little reminders of you, everywhere. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of them. Jake thinks I’m insane, or I’m torturing myself. I guess I just thought you’d come back for them, someday.” He confessed. “I still love you the same as I did a year ago.”

“Me, too.” You closed your eyes, hoping to hold on to the memory of his words forever. “So we’ve both been waiting for each other to come back this whole time? We’ve just been too stubborn to send a message first?”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “Both of us watching the others lives through social media, the most impersonal way possible.”

“You looked so happy. I was worried you were happier without me.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes at the statement.

“See? Impersonal. I’ve been miserable, mama.” Your heart soared at the term of endearment. You reached for your champagne glass, taking a sip, careful not to let your eyes leave him.

“Yeah, me too.” You eventually laughed. “We don’t have to be miserable, anymore. Not tonight, at least.” You said, wanting to blame the advance on the alcohol, but knowing deep down that it was wholly untrue.

“Are you saying what I think you are?” He raised an eyebrow. The Josh you knew so well was starting to make an appearance, again. You gave a shrug.

“I have a room upstairs with free room service. King bed, too.” He looked at you with intrigue, wanting to jump at the chance but still being afraid your judgement was clouded. He didn’t want you to regret it in the morning.

“There’s probably still a lot we could get off our chests. Did you want to talk more, first? I just want you to be sure this is what you want.” You stood, drinking the last of the liquid from your glass and moving on to the next.

“Fuck, Josh, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. We can figure it out in the morning. I haven’t had sex in a year and a half, and I’m tired of waiting. I want you.” He took a deep inhale at the words, fighting the urge to take your clothes off right there. He stood, too, grabbing his own champagne glasses. He had no fight left in him, because he wanted you just as bad.

“Lead the way, mama.” For a moment, things felt right. Like no time had passed and you were both the same people as you were before all of the hurt. You turned on your heels, heading back to the door you came through, earlier. He was hot on your trail, not willing to let you leave his sight.

You slipped back inside, noticing the speeches had come to a close and the lights were off. The music was louder and the mood lighting really set the tone for the rest of the night. If you weren’t in such an entanglement, you thought you might enjoy it. But, you were certain that the nights events would top whatever enjoyment the ballroom could give you. You dropped off your empty glasses on the way by, watching Josh discard his, too. You reached out for him, looking back over your shoulder. He tangled his fingers with yours, over the moon at the feeling after so long without it. You guided him to the exit, managing to sneak out without too many curious glances. Liz, however, noticed you as soon as you came back inside. Josh’s brothers did, too. All of them were well aware that it wasn’t over between the two of you, and it never would be. They were waiting for the reunion just as much as the two of you were.

You both ran down the hallway to the elevator, giggles slipping out intermittently. When the doors opened, allowing you inside, Josh jumped at the moment of seclusion. His hand found your waist, pulling you into him like it was the most natural thing in the world. His free hand guided your chin upwards, finally taking the chance to lean down and kiss you. You melted into the feeling, closing your eyes in bliss. It was sweet, no provocative nature present. Just both of you savouring the moment in which you’d been denied of for months. When the ding signified your destination was reached, his wandering hands were reluctant to pull away. Thankfully, your room wasn’t too far away, meaning he wouldn’t have to wait too long to continue.

You keyed into your room, barely getting the door closed before he was back on you. You both kicked off your shoes, leading him further inside before things got too heated. You parted from him to click on the lamp by your bedside. He took the chance to admire you, now. No more residual tension was clouding his vision. “You look stunning, y/n.” You turned to him, a smile on your lips.

“You look pretty good yourself, Joshua.” He approached again, slower and more cautious. He raised his hand to your cheek, brushing away all of the hair obscuring the sight of your face.

“Has it really been that long?” He didn’t need to clarify; you knew what he was asking. You gave a nod, hoping you didn’t have to dive into it too far. In truth, you didn’t want to hear a submission of guilt from him. If he’d been with other people in your time apart, it was his free will, and you couldn’t be upset about it. There was no disloyalty of any kind, but you certainly didn’t want to imagine it.

“I guess it never felt right. Always felt like I was still yours, I think.” You shrugged. He smiled at the words, overjoyed at the profession.

“Me either,” he said, running his thumb over your cheek. “I was always yours, too.” You let out a sigh of relief, almost feeling the need to cry again. The entire night felt so surreal, almost as if you were dreaming.

“God, please tell me this is real life. I don’t want to wake up disappointed.” You pleaded. He chuckled, finding the statement quite cute.

“It’s real, mama. Trust me, I feel the same way.” He leaned down, kissing you once more. Your hand reached for him, landing somewhere on his side. You didn’t care where it landed, only that you were touching him again. “Sounds like we’ve got a lot of time to make up for.” He stated, pulling back just enough to get the words out. A laugh fell from your lips, one that was quiet and still laced with disbelief. “Turn around for me.” You obliged, spinning to face the other direction.

His fingers drifted over your exposed skin, gathering your hair and pushing it to the side. He unzipped your dress, gently brushing the silk straps from your shoulders. He leaned forward pressing his lips to the spots they once graced. You let out a hum of delight, closing your eyes at the sensation. He let you decide whether you wanted to let the fabric fall, and you did. It dropped with as much elegance as it held while you adorned it on your body. He bent down, waiting for you to step away from it. Once you did, he cautiously picked it from the ground, gently laying it over the chair by the bedside. Once it was safely out of the way, he finally turned to look at you again. His breath caught in his throat, completely taken off guard at the sight of you naked before him once again.

“My beautiful girl,” he whispered, taking a step towards you. You were standing, completely naked aside from your underwear, at full disposal for whatever he chose to do with you. There was no worry in your body; the minute his hands found you again, you were certain you’d found home, again. After so long wandering through life, gaining success but never really feeling like you belonged, it made sense again. All of the money and the fame was satisfying, but never fulfilling. His touch reminded you of why everybody loved to say money can’t buy happiness. There was no financial value that would ever equate to the feeling of being loved by Josh. If you were put on earth for a purpose, it was to be loved by him, and to love him. Nobody could look at you and see right into your soul the way he could; he knew every part of you without even looking or having to ask. “Lay down, baby.” He insisted.

You allowed him to guide you down on the bed, your head finding home in the nest of pillows. He rid himself of his jacket, and his shirt wasn’t long following. You watching him in awe, not being able to comprehend how one boy could posses so much beauty. It was in everything he did, his words, his actions, his appearance. He was perfect. He slipped out of his pants, climbing in bed with you. He pulled you into his arms, just enjoying the intimacy for a moment. Eventually, you were both stripped naked and tangled in each others limbs. As heated as the journey to your room was, sex was no longer the most pressing thought in your heads. You found yourself lost in chatter, laughing and giggling at stories you’d been longing to tell each other for the last year. In between, there were stolen kisses; some short, and others laced with neediness. No sexual gratification would compare to the emotional connection you started to restore.

Eventually, he found himself laying between your legs, mouth exploring the spots on your neck he was aching to reunite with. Every so often, his teeth or tongue would grace over a sensitive area, pushing a breathy moan from your lips. The sounds were heavenly, ones he thought he’d never get the chance to hear again. “I want you, Josh.” You sighed, finally growing restless after the hours of relentless teasing.

“Tell me what you want, gorgeous.” He hummed against your collarbone.

“You. I don’t care, anything, please.” You sighed, not caring about the desperation. You felt him smile against you, clearly pleased with the state you were in.

“You want me to touch you?” He asked, fingers ghosting over your rib cage, sending a jolt of electricity through.

“Please,” he brought the pad of his thumb to your nipple, brushing it over you. He watched as you drew in a shaky breath. If there was one thing you knew about Josh, it was that he loved viewing sex as a marathon. If you were to let him, he’d go all night, dragging it out as much as possible. Tonight, you couldn’t take it. He could tell how you were feeling without you saying it aloud, not finding it in himself to push you any further. He let his hand drift downwards, shifting his weight onto one side so he had better access to you. He slipped his fingers between your legs, running them through you and getting a feel for your arousal. Your back arched at the feeling, it was familiar yet almost foreign.

“All of this for me, pretty girl?” He asked, running your wetness up to your clit. He slowly rubbed circles, just light enough to allow you to adjust to the feeling. You muttered a curse under your breath, almost having forgotten how acquainted he was with your body. His fingers kept a steady pace, gradually applying more pressure as he continued on. His eyes remained on your face, wishing to engrave your expression into every part of his brain so he could never forget it.

As his hand explored you, his lips did, too. His mouth drifted across your exposed stomach, trailing kisses all over the skin. Eventually, he worked his way up to your breasts, pulling a hardened nipple into his mouth, grazing his teeth and tongue over it, begging for a reaction. When he heard a whine fall from your lips, he closed his eyes in satisfaction. He slipped his finger down towards your entrance, moving his thumb to your clit in place. He pushed his middle and ring finger inside you, starting at an agonizingly slow pace. His thumb brushed over your clit with every pump of his fingers. The sensation was much more intense than you remembered it, maybe because of the depravity of the feeling, or because you missed him so much.

The sex was slow, much slower than it used to be. Both of you wanted to savour the experience as much as you could. But the praise, the words, even the way he worshiped you like you were the most beautiful thing to walk the earth was all the same. Neither of you allowed any of the negativity to change the way you appreciated each other. You’d been with plenty of people before Josh, but never any who loved you in the way he did. Every touch was sacred, filled with love and tenderness, even if the act wasn’t supposed to feel that way. As stupid as you felt about waiting so long for him, you were thankful you did. Nobody could make you feel the way he did. The wait just resulted in the usual pleasure being escalated by a thousand.

“Does that feel good, mama?” He asked, finally pausing his assault on your breasts. He looked up to you, eyelids heavy and lust clouding his pupils.

“So good, Josh.” You sighed, looking down to meet his gaze. He gave you a lazy smile, content at the confirmation.

“Did you miss me?” He questioned, his tone dropping slightly. He curled his fingers upward with the next movement, causing a gasp to fall from you. “Hmm?” He hummed, still waiting for you to answer.

“Missed you so much.” You admitted, eyelids fluttered closed at the pleasure he was causing.

“Think she missed me, too.” He muttered, eyes flowing down towards his hand working into your cunt. You swallowed hard at the words, taken off guard by the cockiness but knowing he was speaking truth. His jaw clenched, clearly pleased with the sight. He was good at putting his pleasure aside to ensure yours, but you knew him well enough to recognize what his expression meant. He’d been depraved of this, too, and the view was driving him insane. “Right?” He asked for clarification, his chest rising at his deep inhale.

“Yeah,” you whispered, a pressure beginning to build in your belly.

“She knows she belongs to me.” He hummed. Your face flushed at the statement, unsure where the possessiveness was coming from. That was something quite new; before, he always acted as though the access to your body was a gift. The simple statement dripped with entitlement, but you didn’t mind. He was right. No matter how much distance between you, or how much time passed, you were his. You didn’t mind the claim in the slightest. In fact, you enjoyed it.

“Fuck, Josh,” you let your head fall back on the pillows, the knot in your stomach tightening more with every second that passed.

“Yeah?” He beamed, knowing exactly what the warning was for. “Look at me, mama. Wanna see that pretty face while you cum.” He pleaded. You were in no state to deny him the request, eyes falling back on him. He was watching you, desperate to see your expression. His movements remained steady, gently coaxing the orgasm from you. Your mouth fell open slightly, a sharp inhale sounding as the pressure peaked and sent you into a down-spiral. You managed his name through the intense wave of moans, eyes squeezed shut and all of your muscles tensed. He rode you through it, whispering notes of encouragement as you were clenched around his hand.

When you relaxed against him, he let out a long breath. The tail end dissolved into a groan, absolutely floored at the sight he had just experienced. “Was that good, baby?” He asked, slowly pulling his fingers from you. You sighed at the loss of contact, still yearning for more.

“So, so good, Josh.” You didn’t mind fuelling his ego, because it was well deserved. At first, you wanted to blame the quickness of your orgasm on the length of time it had been since you had one. Deep down, you knew it wasn’t true. Josh had the ability to make you cum simply by looking at you with enough intent. It had everything to do with him, and you knew nobody else could ever affect you in the same way.

“Can’t believe you had nobody to take care of you for so long,” he let out a disapproving tsk, slowly sinking down further on the bed. “All of those New York boys really missed out.” His soft lips grazed over the inside of your thigh. “A woman like you deserves more than that.” His teeth sunk into the flesh, causing you to jump at the sudden sensation. “What was it, mama? Couldn’t find anyone to fuck you right?” Your jaw clenched at the profanity of his statement. You were well aware that he was only messing with you just for show, so you played into his game.

“Mhm,” you agreed. “Nobody could fuck me like you, Josh.” You told him, lowering your tone. The muscle in his jaw tensed at the confession.

“No?” He asked, lips dangerously close to your heat. “My poor baby.” He sympathized, his facial hair gently tickling the skin of your legs. “I’ll always treat you right, honey.”

“Mhm,” you hummed, agreeing with him.

“Y’know I’ll give you whatever you want, whenever you want it. Always fuck you like you just how you like it.” The teasing was torturous; you needed him more than you needed water. It wasn’t a desire, it was necessary for survival.

“I know you will, baby.” You breathed, your sultry tone quickly dissolving into whiny.

“That’s why you’ll always come home to me, right?” He asked, dipping his head even closer to your cunt. “You know who you belong to, beautiful.” You gave a nod of desperation. “Wanna hear you say it, mama.”

“You, Josh. I’m all yours. Only yours.” You promised. A smile graced his face.

“Sounds so pretty when you say it like that.” He was trying not to sound needy himself; his mouth was practically watering at the sight before him. He almost felt wrong teasing you in such a way, because he was certain he was more desperate for you than he’d ever been. “I’d treat you better than that. I’d fuck you every day if I could, just to make sure you know what you deserve. Just to make sure you were happy.” He explained, feeling his guilt resurface. You felt your heart ache at the statement, the words reminding you that as good as you felt, things weren’t the same as they used to be. He saw the emotion flash across your face, realizing how his statement may have come off in a context he didn’t intend. “I can, and I will, if you’ll let me.” He let down the act for a moment, fully letting you see into his heart.

“Yeah,” you managed to muster out. “I’d like that.” He couldn’t hold back the look of happiness that forced its way onto his face.

“Be mine again, baby. Promise I’ll make up for everything. I’ll never let you get away again.” He whispered, but he was pleading with you. There was no way he could walk away from you after this. It would kill him.

“Okay,” you agreed, no hesitation present. It wasn’t the alcohol, or the sex talking. You wanted him, and you were certain of that before you’d even spoken to him. Maybe everybody else was right, you thought. This wasn’t one of those things that you couldn’t walk away from. If you did, you’d be 80 years old and still wondering what it would be like to love him again. When it came to Josh, it was never over. Just a wrong turn that ultimately led you back to the same destination.

He let the thought settle in his soul; no more yearning for someone he wasn’t sure he would ever have again. The universe had granted him another chance, and he’d be damned if he took it for granted a second time. You were his again, and he was yours, as if that was ever untrue in the first place. He wasted no more time, slipping his arms under your thighs and pulling you down on his mouth. He let his tongue run through you, savouring the feeling and moaning against you. He was eating you as if he was a starved man offered his first meal in weeks. In his eyes, he was. Being depraved of the home he’d found between your legs was a terrible feeling, and he never wanted to feel it again.

You let a moan out, your hands snaking down to his hair. You noticed the lack of it on the sides, understanding that it would be hard to get used to. Instead of focusing on the difference, you tangled your fingers in the hair still atop his head, losing yourself to the familiarity of his tongue. You couldn’t help but admire him through the waves of pleasure, the way he got enjoyment out of making you feel good, how pretty he looked with his head nestled between your thighs. You noticed the way his hips would grind into the mattress, just enough to give him a bit of relief, or the way he was completely lost in you, not having a notice for anything other that what was in front of him. You had no doubt he would stay there forever, if you let him.

He pulled back for a moment, just to catch another look of your face. “Taste so good, baby. Even better than I remember.” He slipped his thumb in place of his tongue, just so he didn’t lose the progress he was making. “Missed having you like this. Thought about it every fucking night.”

“I thought about it too, all of the time.” You sighed, mesmerized by the emotion he adorned in his eyes. He returned his other fingers to you, pumping them in time with his thumb for a moment. He studied you for a while before he returned to work with his mouth. The combined feeling of him pumping his fingers into you, and his tongue focused on your clit was overwhelming.

You were nearing a second orgasm, desperate for him to keep going. He could sense it in your breathing, the tugs at his hair, and the profanities you were expelling every so often. He remained steady, curling his fingers every so often in attempt to find the spot inside you he knew so well. He hit a particularly sensitive spot, causing your hips to buck forward. He didn’t have to say it aloud for you to know he enjoyed it; a groan produced from deep in his chest, his fingers attempting to get the same reaction from you again. You closed your eyes, unable to focus on anything other than the knot tightening in your belly.

“Josh,” you breathed, a verbal warning that you were close. He hummed against you, encouraging you. Your head fell back, blissfully unaware of anything other than the feeling of his tongue. Soon after, you were coming undone again, crying his name and quickly dissolving into a mess. He coaxed you through it, more dedicated to making you feel good rather than getting the satisfaction of seeing your face.

When you came down, he didn’t ease up; his tongue was still determined, fingers never slowing. Even in the burning oversensitivity, you couldn’t help but still enjoy the moment. You were certain that after 18 long months, he could cause you nothing but physical pain and you’d still enjoy it, just because he was the one doing it. Part of you wished he never had to stop, because you never wanted to come down from the high of the intimacy. The overpowering sensation was driving you insane, the previous orgasm never really having a chance to dissipate before the next began to bloom. The noises you were making were filthy, pornographic, almost. Josh was almost praying the walls were thinner than they appeared, cocky enough to know how good he was making you feel and egotistical enough to want everyone to know it.

When your third orgasm was begging you to let go, you couldn’t even get the words out to warn him. Your knuckles were white against the hold on his hair, all of your muscles rigid and lungs aching for a full breath. It took little time for you to reach your peak, panting heavily and glistening with a thin layer of sweat. This time, he slowed his movements as your body relaxed. He removed his tongue first, followed by his fingers once he knew you were back to earth. “There you go, mama.” He sighed. His lips ghosted over your torso as he inched his way up your body. “That’s all you needed, hmm?” He hummed, sucking a few marks into your collarbone. “Someone to take care of you,” his head nuzzled back into the crook of your neck, mouth exploring the area once again. “Someone who knows how to make you feel good?” His moustache tickled the sensitive skin, causing a tired giggle to fall from you. You could feel him smile against you in response to the sound.

“I want you, Josh.” You said. As fantastic as he was making you feel, your patience was non-existent. It had been too long since you’d had him, and you didn’t feel willing to wait any longer. He lifted his head from your neck, eyes scanning your face for a moment. His lips upturned into a smirk, likely feeling similar.

“You want me?” He whispered, already shifting between your legs for a better position. You gave him a nod. “How bad, beautiful?”

“So bad, baby. It’s been so long.” You admitted, not willing to challenge him in the slightest. His fingers gently grazed over your hips, a moment of innocent love before such a dirty act. He pulled you towards him, grabbing your legs and guiding them over his shoulders. The excitement brewing in your stomach was barely containable.

“Been so good for me, mama. Won’t make you wait any longer.” He promised. You felt his hand leave you, moving down to guide himself towards your entrance. Without another word, he pushed himself inside you. You both let out a sigh of relief, finally feeling at peace with each other. The battle of experiencing so much pent up love with nowhere to channel it had come to an end; the solution to the issue being clear the whole time, but only now was it truly acknowledged. You needed each other, and no distance would change that. There was no separation or heartbreak big enough to rid yourselves of the connection you had. You both knew that before the night dissolved into the current situation, but it was only solidified further once you both felt what it was like to be reunited in such a way. There was no way you could walk away from each other again.

His hips moved slowly, the only motive being the need to feel the closeness. The movements were barely stimulating, but more than pleasurable to you both. “God, y/n.” He hissed, sucking in a long breath through his teeth. He pulled you closer to him by your thighs, thrusting as he did so and causing a gasp from you. “Feel so fucking good.” He picked up the pace, realizing he was only torturing you both. The memory of him inside you was nothing in comparison to the real thing. The angle allowed the tip of his cock to brush your cervix, sending a jolt of electricity through you each time. “Wish I could have you like this forever.”

“Me, too.” You groaned, your hand reaching out in desperation for his. He met your gesture, pulling your hand into his and resting them on your thigh. His eyes were closed, intently focusing on his movements, making sure he kept a steady rhythm. The low light of the lamp was casted over his face, allowing you to really admire his beauty. The slight furrow of his eyebrows, the tension in his jaw as he fucked into you, his lips that always looked so soft and inviting. He was a masterpiece, and you felt lucky to even be able to experience him in such a way. His free hand found your breast, at first just a gentle acknowledgment, but then he took your nipple between his fingers and applied a bit of pressure. The shock lit up your face, causing him to give you a small smirk. As much as he loved to please you, he loved to be an asshole, too.

It was all in the nature of the relationship; the time that passed didn’t change the dynamic. You both still seemed to be on the same wavelength, remembering what the other liked, incorporating small humorous expressions and actions to lighten the intensity. You were grateful that he was still so familiar to you. It took the nervousness away, and made sex feel lighthearted and carefree. There was never a worry of embarrassment or fear of judgement. He was your best friend, still, after everything, and he was making sure you knew that. The same goofy, sweet boy from the beginning.

You could tell he was growing bored with the position. As much as he loved the feeling, you knew what he wanted, and you were fully willing to give it to him. “Lay down,” you told him. His eyes connected with yours, an unspoken question of certainty. You gave a nod, and he didn’t wasn’t any time pulling out of you. He collapsed onto the bed beside you, turning towards you and practically pulling you on top of him. He had a grin plastered across his face, cheeks a bit rosy and eyelids heavy.

“You know me so well.” He said softly, almost as if he were talking to himself.

“You act like you’re the only one who enjoys this position.” You rolled your eyes.

“I know you do, but I really like it.” His excitement was clear in his face. You couldn’t help but smile, too.

“Yeah, ‘cause you don’t have to do any work.” You joked, securing your legs on either side of him. You lifted yourself up, reaching down to guide him back into you.

“No, ‘cause you look so pretty on top of me.” He answered, tone of voice matching yours. His hands found your hips, slowly bringing you down on him. “I’d be happy to do the work as long as I get to see you like this.” You couldn’t find the words to reply, already lost in the new position, revelling in the angle and depth he was reaching inside you. You began to roll your hips on him, slowly catching up to speed. “Oh, and because I can do this, now.” He reached around, pinching your ass between his index finger and his thumb. Your eyes widened, giving him a look of bewilderment. He gave a chuckle, keeping his hand there and gently running his thumb over the spot he’d just hurt.

“Not being very nice to someone who’s trying to get you off,” you grumbled. He erupted into a real laugh, giving his head a small shake.

“Don’t have to try very hard, mama. Never did.” He joked, but there was a hint of truth to the statement. “But, I suppose I could be a little nicer. Since you’re being so good to me.” He brought his free hand up to your cheek, brushing the hair from your face. You leaned into his palm, closing your eyes in content. You were still moving your hips, just enough to satisfy the craving while he joked with you. It felt so natural, so familiar. It felt like home.

“You’ll be nice for a while, then you’ll do something to piss me off again. It’s just what you do.” You giggled, remembering his constant antics to get on your nerves. It was intolerable by times, but always in the most loving and sincere way possible.

“You love me.” He stated, in a completely relaxed, natural way. Your breath caught in your throat at the word, surprised that it made an appearance again so soon. He said it as if he’d never stopped saying it in the first place. He finally noticed what he said, expression losing its humour almost instantly. “I hope you do, at least.” He mumbled.

“I do,” you whispered, nodding your head. “I really do.” You were overcome with emotion, swallowing back the tears begging to be shed at the statement. The high intensity of the emotions in the room were unimaginable, and they hadn’t subsided all night. A small smile graced his lips as a laugh filled with relief sounded from him.

“God, it’s been so long since I’ve heard you say that.” He guided your head down, connecting your mouths in a gesture of gratitude. “Too long.” He mumbled against your lips. You pulled back just enough to speak clearly.

“I’ll say it again, if you really want me to.” You grinned.

“Please, baby.” He begged, wanting to hear the actual words.

“I love you,” you breathed, happy to finally be able to tell him again.

“I love you.” He replied, bringing you into another kiss, much more desperate than the last. As he did so, he suddenly seemed to remember where you were and what you were in the middle of. Without breaking away from you, he thrusted upwards with force. The impact caused you to let a moan slip into his mouth, only fuelling him further. You raised your hips slightly, allowing him to move with ease. He took it as an invitation, repeating his earlier action and continuing with a steady pace.

You parted with him, catching your breath. You straightened up, placing a hand on his chest to support your balance as he fucked you. You let out a slur of curses, indirect praise for the work he was doing. You moved your hips in time with his, greedy for more. He dropped his hands back to your waist, fingers gripping at the flesh like he’d gone feral. As much as you liked to tease him, you liked the position just as much as he did. There was something that drove you crazy about him under you, the freedom of his hands in which he used expertly. Plus, the pleasure he got from it fuelled yours, too. You were certain you could spend the rest of your life doing nothing but pleasing him and be happy while doing it.

His hips stuttered and he let out a low groan, the telltale sign he was getting close. It had been a long time for both of you, the stamina barely existing on either part. He held you still, wordlessly telling you to slow down. You fought against the hold, not caring if he came or not. In fact, you were hoping he would. He’d been generous in the orgasm department with you, and you were eager to do the same for him. “Slow down, mama.” He warned.

“It’s okay,” you assured him.

“Don’t want it to be over yet.” He admitted, catching your gaze.

“S’okay, baby.” You repeated. “I have this room all weekend.” He eyed you with an emotion you couldn’t quite place, like he was already thinking about the luxury of fucking you again. Like he was making a list of how many places around the room he could have you in. In a split-second decision, his fingers shot to your clit, finding it without any issue.

“Gotta cum with me, then. You know the rules.” He ordered. You have a nod, a hum of pleasure sounding straight from your chest. He stopped your movements, allowing him to set the pace and ensuring his hand didn’t slip from you, either. You locked your hips in place, fully allowing him to do as he pleased with you.

You both knew it wouldn’t take long; the joys of knowing each other so well meant that you knew exactly what to do. He kept his movement steady and consistent, uttering small praise as you allowed him to work at you. The noises falling from your lips graced his ears and settled deep in his chest, begging him to never forget them. “Look at me,” he wanted to sound authoritative, but he was nowhere close to it. Still, you obliged. You caught his eyes, finding yourself lost in them as soon as you did. “Come on, mama. Cum for me.” He begged, both of you knowing he couldn’t last much longer. The intensity grew with each second that passed, your head spinning with pleasure.

“M’gonna,” you moaned, promising to fulfill his request. He let out a groan, the end dissolving into a bit of a growl. The sound alone seemed to be enough to do it for you. “Fuck!” You exclaimed, your climax hitting you hard. You kept a steady hold on his chest, your other hand reaching for his arm for support. He didn’t have the ability to coax you through it; his cock twitched inside you, the sight of you coming undone sending him over the edge. He held you down on him as he spilled his release into you.

“Fuck, y/n,” he groaned, fingers digging into your hips with a promise of lasting bruises. When he came back down from the high, you were both breathless and seeing stars. He released his grip on you, guiding you down to lay on him. “My beautiful girl,” he sighed, placing a kiss to the top of your head.

“I missed you so much.” You confessed, focusing on the drum of his heartbeat against his chest.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.” He admitted, letting his fingers run through your hair. He sounded tired, enveloped in comfort and peace. “I thought about you every day. You never left my mind.”

“I’m sorry I left, Josh. I didn’t want to leave you. Especially like that.”

“I know, mama. I’m sorry for trying to make you stay. It wasn’t fair. I should have supported you no matter what.” He gently scratched your head. You closed your eyes, fully immersed in the intimacy. “I promise I’ll never do anything like that again. I was lucky enough to get a second chance, and I want to do it right, this time.”

“Me, too.” You agreed. “I never want to lose you again. It was a horrible year without you. Yeah, I did great stuff, made a name for myself, but it didn’t really mean a whole lot without someone to share the excitement with. Everybody was talking about me, but I had nobody to talk to. It was lonely without my best friend.”

“I know what you mean. Great things happened, I’m proud of what we accomplished, but I just wanted to be able to come home and tell you all about it. Every time I realized I couldn’t, it all just lost its shine.” You smiled at the statement, thinking he worded it perfectly. Life was fine without Josh, survivable in the least, but he made everything shine. He gave everything just a little bit more novelty. It was dull without him. Lacklustre, even. “Was it too soon to say I love you again?” He asked, finally airing out his anxiety.

“I think I was shocked, hearing it again after so long, but I don’t think it was wrong to say it. We never really stopped being in love; all of it was still there, it just had nowhere to go. If anything, I’m happy you still feel that way, too. Made me feel less stupid.” He didn’t respond, but you could practically feel him smiling. “You never moved out of the apartment?” You remembered he had said it earlier, but you wanted to clarify that you’d heard him right.

“No. Never changed it, either. There’s still shampoo bottles in the shower that belong to you, clothes in the closet, our pictures on the wall. I think I always hoped you’d come back home. Wanted you to know it was still yours, if you ever did.” Your heart ached at his words. You’d both been so stupid, suffering for so long that you both forced yourself to believe you’d forgotten about each other. “And it is. I mean, still yours, if you ever want to come back.” His free hand drifted over your back, fingertips gently ticking the exposed skin. “I know you have a career in New York, and I understand if you can’t, or you don’t want to. If you ever do want to, or change your mind, I’d be more than happy.”

“Thank you,” you wanted to express it in the most sincere way possible. The knowledge that he still wanted you there with him was extremely comforting. You didn’t mind the idea, either.

“But, for now, I’m happy to fly out and see you whenever I can. I’ll call every night, just like I should have from the beginning. I’ll never let you think I forgot about you ever again, or that I don’t believe in you, because neither of those are true.” You placed a kiss to his chest, finally feeling ready to tell him the news. You would have, anyway, but knowing he was willing to make it work even if you lived so far away made it impossible not to tell him.

“Actually, I was wondering if you could give me my key back.” You grinned. His lax stature immediately changed, pulling back just so he could look to see if you were joking. “Now that the line is releasing, and the outlet store is opening here, I’m gonna be in Nashville for a while. On and off, sometimes, but here for the foreseeable future, at least.” The look on his face made it seem like you’d just told him he won the lottery. “I was kind of dreading staying in a hotel, or having to hunt for another lonely apartment.”

“Are you serious?” He asked, still catching up to speed.

“Yeah,” you laughed. “I’d really like to come home, Josh. If that’s what you want, of course.” You felt that the need to go through the motions of dating again were quite silly, especially since you’d spent most of your adult life with him. The brief pause when you were gone didn’t really mean too much. You’d both changed, but clearly not enough to become anything close to strangers.

“Of course I do!” He wrapped you up in a hug, holding you like he’d never get the chance to, again. You both dissolved into a fit of giggles, excited at the idea of building a life together, again.

“I know you have to tour, and that’s okay. I’ll have to be in New York sometimes, too. I can come visit you, wherever you are. If you get some free time, you can come see me, or we can meet in the middle. I don’t care where that is, because if I’m with you, I’m home.” If it was possible to hold you tighter, he did just that. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he mumbled, words muffled due to his face being buried in your hair. “So much, mama.”

“I do think we should probably get cleaned up, though.” You eased into the idea, realizing the state you were both still in.

“A shower?” He asked, hidden implications written all over the question.

“Sure,” you laughed, sitting upright. “But we should do it, like now.”

You both made your way into the bathroom, getting in the shower and cleaning yourselves off. The night turned into the early hours of the morning, but sleep refused to come to either of you. You were too caught up in the stories, the jokes, and the touches, and the sex to care about anything else. More than anything, you were both just content finally being back in each others company. The sunrise barely put a damper on your night of reunion, because you were too immersed in each other to notice it. Too immersed in the overwhelming feeling of finally being at home after an unexplainably long, tiresome day.