#well. i can't guarantee 100% accuracy

[scruff-mutt]

Have you ever wanted to be 100% accurate when creating Splatfest-related art? Consider downloading the Splatfest Script today!

[dark-frosted-heart]

Beauty and the Beast’s Christmas - Clavis Lelouch

Christmas collection story

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this

On Christmas morning when couples affirm their love for each other-

I was all alone in my room, thinking about my absent fiancé.

(You must be really busy today, Clavis. I hope you're not tired from yesterday)

Yesterday, Clavis took me out on a date for the whole day because he couldn't spend Christmas with me.

He tried to create Christmas spirit by going to Christmas markets, trendy cafes, and restaurants with atmosphere.

(I was surprised when Clavis took me to a shady-looking restaurant he had recently discovered...)

(Even if it wasn't on the proper day, I'm glad he took some time out for me since he's busy this time of the year)

(Huh...?)

I suddenly noticed an envelope that slipped under the door.

When I opened it, I was greeted by the familiar bad handwriting scribbled across.

(This handwriting's Clavis'...what does he mean by "invitation"?)

~~

Clavis: Welcome, Emma, to a Christmas party just for the two of us.

I followed the instructions written on the invitation and after getting off the carriage at a mansion, I found Clavis waiting for me.

Emma: I thought I wouldn't see you today...

Clavis: As a gentleman, it's only natural for me to grant my fiancée's wishes.

Emma: Wishes...

Clavis: I was so surprised by the fact that Clavis was here that I couldn't come up with a proper reply to his sudden mention of "wishes".

Clavis: Wanting to spend Christmas together — wasn't that what you wished for?

Emma: ...

I was happy enough from the fact that the date yesterday felt like Christmas.

But it's true that deep inside, I wanted to spend this special day with Clavis.

(I didn't want to appear selfish...It's frustrating how he saw right through me)

However, a feeling of joy that overwhelmed all other feelings filled my heart.

Emma: Thank you! I'm so happy!

Clavis: Seeing that lovely smile on your face makes all of this planning worthwhile. However, don't get too excited just yet. I've prepared plenty of things to make you enjoy yourself.

The walls and windows were decorated with ribbons, roses, and star-shaped ornaments.

In a room filled with Christmas cheer, a cake decorated in bright red cream and questionable lumps sat on a table.

(I'm guessing the figure-like thing is a rabbit, but what are those green lumps and gelatinous mass?)

Emma: I-it's an exciting day...!

Clavis: It's cute isn't it?

(Cute, huh...)

Clavis: It's a Christmas-themed cake decorated with the image of a tree and starry sky!

(Tree and night sky?!)

With a huge smile on his face, Clavis held out a slice of cake on a plate.

Clavis: We had a Christmas cake yesterday at the restaurant, but today, it's just the two of us. Emma, what does a couple in love do when they're alone together on Christmas?

Emma: Feed each other...?

Clavis: That's right, feed each- Hm? You figured it out this time.

Emma: Of course I did. How long have we been together, Clavis?

(I'm a little embarrassed, but you did go through the trouble of making this...)

Emma: Got it. Let's eat.

When I scopped up a piece of cake with the fork and held it out to Clavis, for some reason, he kept his mouth shut and refused to take a bite.

Emma: Huh...Clavis, aren't you going to eat it?

Clavis: Emma, shouldn't you say "ah"?

Emma: Do I have to?

Clavis: Yes you do. It's Christmas after all.

Emma: How does going "ah" relate to Christmas...

Clavis: Wouldn't it be more lovey-dovey with an "ah"?

Emma: ......

Clavis: That's what Christmas is all about. I just want to fully enjoy a sweet time with my fiancée...

(I guess it can't be helped...)

Emma: A-ah...

I felt my cheeks heat up as I held my fork out again

Clavis suddenly closed his mouth and I got some cream on his lips.

Emma: You just did that on purpose, didn't you?!

Clavis: Do you think I'd do something so devious?

Emma: Of course I do!

Clavis: Haha. Well now, it's my turn to feed you.

However, Clavis wasn't even holding a plate or fork when he said that.

He pointed at the cream on his lips with his index finger.

(Eat from there...)

Emma: That was your plan after all...

(But you did clear your Christmas schedule just for me...)

(I'm really happy that you planned so much for me)

Clavis: Come, savor as much as you want.

I shyly licked cream off of Clavis' lips.

When I pulled away with my cheeks heating up, Clavis suddenly hugged me tight and captured my lips.

We savored the cream as the repeated kisses became deeper and deeper.

A Christmas as sweet as the cake was about to begin.

[reccyls]

William's Chapter 0 Story

Yes I bought it... And boy, I like where it's going. I went a little more loose with this translation to try and capture the atmosphere better. As always, I make no guarantees about the accuracy.

Also, this doesn't really spoil anything. It mostly covers only the prologue.

---

If life were a fairytale, then achieving happiness would be a simple matter. Keep your hands clean, obey orders, be good and dutiful, and don't stray off safe and well-lit paths. However… if your heart yearns to go down a different road, then would quashing your true desires truly lead to a "happily ever after"? My answer? No.

---

William: "Slice your throat. Drag it out for as long as you can."

Not a single person that Crown has set their eye on has ever escaped. Tonight's target was no exception. The man couldn't even scream as his trembling hand raised a knife. I held in my hand an envelope I had found in this mansion, stamped with a "golden butterfly".

(That I'm seeing this once more means…) (Evil is something that cannot be stamped out through punishment alone.) (Not them… and not me.)

If you asked 100 different people what 'evil' was, you would get 100 different answers. Absolute evil does not exist. Rather, if it did, it would be something that lurked in every individual person's heart. Something that they found unforgiveable. Something that, if they forgave, would be betraying the essence of what made them, them.

(To me, that absolute evil is when one tramples over another's freedom.) (And the worst offender would be this "golden butterfly".)

I had no issues with doing harm so that I may pass judgement on those who commit the unforgiveable. If this were a story, that man and I would be painted with the same brush: evil.

Alfons: Quite a pathetic end, isn't it? Being ordered to "keep your mouth shut" so you can't even scream in your final moments.

Elbert: …It's because we'd be in trouble if his neighbors got suspicious.

Roger: Geez, what a convenient ability. I sure as hell wouldn't want you as an enemy.

William: Ahaha, I'll be sure to mark on my calendar if I plan on turning on you so you'll have ample warning.

Exchanging banter in the way only those accustomed to such sights can, I made my way over to the piano in the hall and sat down.

William: Since this is lying around, I suppose we can send him off with a song.

I wasn't thinking of any melody in particular. I simply let my fingers dance around the keys as they pleased.

Ellis: How wonderful. Now he'll be able to die a little bit happy, at least.

Jude: …Like hell he can. You crazy or something?

Everyone in Crown had their own way of facing someone's death. Those who sympathize, those who empathize, the cynics, the mourners, and those who saw such happenings as purely matter of fact.

(But what they all have in common is that they are all here of their own free will.)

However, not everyone has the ability to go where their hearts willed. At that moment, I recalled that desirous gaze I encountered earlier.

(It would be nice if that girl I met today could take a step towards realizing her desires.)

As the knife dug deep into the man's neck, as fresh blood spurted and gushed from his wound, that was what I was thinking.

--And then, the door to the hall slowly swung open.

Alfons: My, my, to think that we would have an audience.

(…That's…)

William: If it isn't the songbird I met this afternoon.

MC: U-um… what…?

I recognized the panicked woman who had grown pale at the gruesome sight before her. She was that postal worker I encountered earlier.

---

MC: Excuse me, sir, I need to deliver that.

A calm determination had settled in the gaze of the woman who came up to me, chasing a stray envelope.

William: Of course, my lady.

MC: …T-thank you.

William: My pleasure.

MC: …

I had handed her the envelope already, but she seemed to lose track of herself as she continued to stare at me.

(…Another one.)

People who had that look in their eyes almost always had something they were holding back. Things that they think they shouldn't say. I loved the moment when such people made a decision to voice whatever it was they were hiding. When I simply stared back at her silently, her calm gaze wavered slightly. And in that moment, I saw it: a glimmer of desire burning in her eyes. A surge of emotion, so strong that it was taking everything she had to suppress it.

"Lead me to another world." "Somewhere, anywhere."

Though her lips were pressed tightly together, it was as though I could hear her say those words.

(Ah.) (This won't do.)

I didn't know why, but she wanted change. There was desire burning within her, struggling to be set free. And yet… there was something else in her that was suppressing it.

(If she could freely follow her desires… I'm sure it would be beautiful.)

William: You have two deliveries left?

MC: …What? MC: I'm sorry, I spaced out-

William: You'd better hurry. It'll be dark soon.

(It's a shame, but I can't whisk you away.) (Even if that 'somewhere, anywhere' that you desired was the depths of the abyss.) (But… if you, of your own free will, were to take that first step…) (Perhaps we'll see each other again.)

---

(…Still, I didn't think it would be this soon. Or at a place like this.)

Liam: Is she a friend of yours, Will? Does she know about us too?

William: We met on the streets and had a chat, Liam, that's all. She doesn't know a thing about Crown.

Liam: Well, that's an issue. What to do…?

(If I told you to kill her for my sake, then I'm sure you would do it without hesitation.) (Though he'll live with the pain of taking a life even as he does it. What a commendable, lovable cat.)

Harrison: Terribly sorry about the scare, ma'am. But these are just props for a performance we're staging.

(…You never change, Harrison.)

Of course he'd try to give her an escape route. Though he appeared, he was truly strong at his core.

MC: N-no way…

Harrison: …You could have pretended to believe me for your sake, you know.

It was unfortunate, but her last chance to escape had just slipped by.

(Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised) (She came here because she had to, after all.)

Harrison: What do we do, Will?

William: It's obvious, isn't it? We take her to see the "Reaper of the Palace".

Jude: Tch… that's why I told you to lock the damn doors.

Roger: Haha, I didn't think that anyone would trespass into an obviously dark home. You're quite the bad girl, aren't you, little miss?

Ellis: Won't you come closer? It's not like you can escape, anyway.

As soon as she heard the word 'escape', her body stiffened. Her legs began to move.

(Sorry, but I can't let you go.) (You're a witness now, of course. But that's not the only reason.)

That one of her deliveries was to this mansion was surely a coincidence. But that she was standing here now was no coincidence at all.

(Even if the sound of the piano implied that there was still someone awake inside…) (There was no reason for a postal worker to enter an otherwise entirely deserted manor in the middle of the night.) (You chose to come here.) (Even if you haven't consciously realized it yourself…)

She took the first step.

William: Come here, poor little robin.

(Let me see more of it. That burning desire that brought you here.)

At my order, her legs began to walk her forward.

MC: S-stop…!

(Haha, and at last you're voicing her true desire.)

She stopped before me as if she was presenting herself. A splash of red stained her cheek.

(…Beautiful.)

Somehow, the color of deep sin suited her.

(If, of your own volition, you were to be dyed with blood in the future…) (…that would suit you far more than this stain now.)

William: Pardon me.

As I pulled her towards me, her eyes closed in fear.

William: That should do it.

After I wiped her cheek clean and released her, she staggered and collapsed to the floor, as if all her strength had escaped her. Her gaze, once calm and settled, now shook with emotion like a stormy sea. In her eyes I saw fear, confusion… and just a hint of anticipation. Of excitement.

(Yes, you are hiding something inside you.)

Something that made her leap without looking into the dark. Imagining being able to unravel that mystery made my heart race.

(This should be fun.)

William: I haven't introduced myself yet. My name is William. William Rex. William: I'm inviting you to dine with us tonight. Your name, honored guest?

(I'll fill you with love, as much as I can.)

So that you may be a flower that blooms beautifully in the darkness.

[irish-dress-history]

Have you got any good resources for men’s clothing in Ireland (or even Scotland) during about the 1400’s-1600’s?

I have been trying to find anything that can give me better insight so I can recreate the clothing but so far I’m mostly seeing cheap rubbish costumes that are very clearly the generic “medieval” style that everyone goes to when they want to convey a vibe but don’t feel like doing historic accuracy.

Not to say there’s anything wrong with that but I’d like to really impress people in future gatherings that pertain to this time period

This is a tough one, unfortunately. The 2 best books for this have been out of print for decades and now sell second hand for $100+ USD. Your best bet for getting a hold of them is interlibrary loan. Neither of these books contains sewing patterns or construction information. They are:

Old Irish and Highland Dress by H. F. McClintock, 1st ed. 1943, 2nd ed 1950

Dress in Ireland by Mairead Dunlevy, 1st ed 1989, 2nd ed. 1999

The one book I know of that's still in print is Before the Kilt: How the Irish and Scots Dressed in the 16th Century by Gerald A. John Kelly. I haven't actually read it. I've heard it has some issues with the images being low resolution (probably because it was printed by a small press), but it does contain good primary source research. The only place I know of that sells legitimate sewing patterns is Reconstructing History. I haven't actually bought any, but I have heard that their sewing directions are not the easiest to follow, and some people have issues with the size grading. Their patterns for the wool garments are all based off of extant period garments. Based on more recent research, I don't their léine patterns are completely correct, but they are at least better than some of the léine patterns out there. (Avoid anyone who tells you to put drawstrings in the tops of the sleeves or that a man's léine should be hip-length.)

Websites of reenactors and historical costumers who have put serious research into their outfits:

https://saffroncloth.wordpress.com/

https://www.wildeirishe.com/

http://matsukazesewing.blogspot.com/2014/06/16th-century-irish-dress_19.html

https://www.thelastprince.ie/

http://www.claiomh.ie/

A couple of decent videos on 16th-early 17th c Irish dress:

Traditional Irish Clothing in the Gaelic Period

Depicting and Describing Dress in Early Modern Ireland by Dr. Katherine Bond

If you're planning on doing the 16th c, definitely check out Susan Flavin's research. It has great information on what types of textiles, dyes, and trims that were available in 16th c. Ireland. You can download a pdf of her dissertation here.

I'm sure you already know that 1400s-1600s is a long time period for dress history. Irish dress changed a lot during that period. If your goal is to make a single, well-researched outfit, I would recommend picking a period that's somewhere 1500s-1600. There are a lot fewer primary sources (extant garments, art, documents, etc) for 1400s Ireland. On the other hand if you enjoy making educated guesses, 1400s might be more fun. Just check out this neat 15th c. outfit from Strade Abbey, County Mayo:

If you have any more specific questions, feel free to ask. I can't guarantee I have answers, but I do have a bunch of random Irish-dress-history related articles for this period on my computer.

[nbwriteschaos]

re: writing commissions.

---- my writing commissions are OPEN! all info can be found within this post or in this google doc. please dm for any inquiry or request!!

!!!fiction, nonfiction, original works, smut, etc!!!

1 thousand words ♡ $10 USD

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5 thousand to 10 thousand words ♡ starts at $25 USD

---- all payments are processed through paypal only. payments must be submitted first before i begin the commission. refunds are not available but i will rewrite a commission if you are not satisfied :)

more below ...

(this may format a little funny as i'm copying and pasting some info from my doc, sorry!!)

-- as for pricing

((I do not accept negotiations as far as pricing! I’ve priced my commissions based on what I think my time and effort is worth while also maintaining affordability. There are to be NO REFUNDS.  If you are unsatisfied with the result of your commission I am open to rewriting it once more to ensure your satisfaction. All payments are accepted through Paypal. I am working on opening some sort of website to provide the best experience for commissions as well, but for now, Paypal and Tumblr are the best I’ve got. 

Please let it be noted that although I am an experienced writer, I do not have the qualifications of a professional published author. I am simply a person at their laptop trying to build a future career as a writer :)

You will not be charged if I go over your paid word count!!

Custom word counts between 5k and 10k will be charged based on how I see fit. **It will not go over $60 USD** ))

-- as for boundaries

i will write mostly anything. even if it seems a little questionable, i'll probably do it. for example:

a super sad angsty character death probably nobody but yourself would want to read, that one coffee shop/tattoo artist au you've been wanting to read but can't find on ao3, or like, idk, a fantasy involving d*bcon, f*rry, p*ssplay, whump/whumpee, mpr*g, terat*philia (monster fucking), obscure s*xual organs, g*re (ask me about this one if you are looking for smut involving g*re), v*yeurism, size differences, or other common k*nks.

i do request some sort of age verification if you are commissioning for smut.

strict NOs:

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i have a right to deny any commission for any reason!

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I can and will attempt to write for any fandom I am not familiar with so long as there is enough info that has been provided for it!! However, I can’t guarantee it will be perfect. Here are fandoms I am familiar with and will write for: 

Anime/Cartoons: Genshin Impact, My Hero Academia, Tokyo Ghoul, Toilet Bound Hanako Kun, Fullmetal Alchemist, Death Note, Chainsaw Man, Spy x Family, Jujutsu Kaisen, My Melody, Free!!!, Haikyuu!!!, One Punch Man, Mob Psycho 100, Demon Slayer, Hunter x Hunter, JJBA, Black Butler, Bungou Stray Dogs, Yuri on Ice, Kakegurui, Attack on Titan, Noragami, Adventure Time, Steven Universe. Probably more, just ask! 

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if you have any other questions feel free to send a DM or an ask and i'll get back to you as soon as possible! you can also check out the doc to see if it is answered there!

if you read this far, please feel free to reblog just to spread the love. i'd really appreciate it! thank you!!!

[shituationist]

it's amazing that so many lesswrongers see "sparks" of "AGI" in large language models because

the bulk of them are neo-hayekians, and their widespread belief in prediction markets attests to this

it's now very well documented that "knowledge" which models haven't been trained on ends up being confabulated when models are queried for it, and what you receive is nonsense that resembles human generated text. even with extensive training, without guardrails like inserting a definite source of truth and instructing the model not to contradict the knowledge therein (the much vaunted "RAG" method, which generates jobs for knowledge maintainers and which is not 100% effective - there is likely no model which has a reading comprehension rate of 100%, no matter how much you scale it or how much text you throw at it, so the possibility of getting the stored, human-curated, details wrong is always there), you're likely to keep generating that kind of nonsense

of course, hayek's whole thing is the knowledge problem. the idea that only a subset of knowledge can be readily retrieved and transmitted for the purpose of planning by "a single mind".

hayek's argument is very similar to the argument against general artificial intelligence produced by hubert dreyfus, and I don't think I'm even the first person to notice this. dan lavoie, probably one of the brightest austrian schoolers, used to recommend dreyfus's book to his students. both hayek and dreyfus argue that all knowledge can't simply be objectivized, that there's context-situated knowledge and even ineffable, unspeakable, knowledge which are the very kinds of knowledge that humans have to make use of daily to survive in the world (or the market).

hayek was talking in a relatively circumscribed context, economics, and was using this argument against the idea of a perfect planned economy. i am an advocate of economic planning, but i don't believe any economy could ever be perfect as such. hayek, if anything, might have even been too positive about the representability of scientific knowledge. on that issue, his interlocutor, otto neurath, has interesting insights regarding incommensurability (and on this issue too my old feyerabend hobbyhorse also becomes helpful, because "scientific truths" are not even guaranteed to be commensurable with one another).

it could be countered here that this is assuming models like GPT-4 are building symbolic "internal models" of knowledge which is a false premise, since these are connectionist models par excellence, and connectionism has some similiarity to austrian-style thinking. in that case, maybe an austrianist could believe that "general AI" could emerge from throwing enough data at a neural net. complexity science gives reasons for this to be disbelieved too however. these systems cannot learn patterns from non-ergodic systems (these simply cannot be predicted mathematically, and attempts to imbue models with strong predictive accuracy for them would likely make learning so computationally expensive that time becomes a real constraint), and the bulk of life, including evolution (and the free market), is non-ergodic. this is one reason why fully autonomous driving predictions have consistently failed, despite improvements: we're taking an ergodic model with no underlying formal understanding of the task and asking it to operate in a non-ergodic environment with a 100% success rate or close enough to it. it's an impossible thing to achieve - we human beings are non-ergodic complex systems and we can't even do it (think about this in relation to stafford beer's idea of the law of requisite variety). autonomous cars are not yet operating fully autonomously in any market, even the ones in which they have been training for years.

hayek did not seem to believe that markets generated optimal outcomes 100% of the time either, but that they were simply the best we can do. markets being out of whack is indeed hayek's central premise relating to entrepreneurship, that there are always imperfections which entrepreneurs are at least incentivized to find and iron out (and, in tow, likely create new imperfections; it's a complex system, after all). i would think hayek would probably see a similar structural matter being a fundamental limitation of "AI".

but the idea of "fundamental limitations" is one which not only the lesswrongers are not fond of, but our whole civilization. the idea that we might reach the limits of progress is frightening and indeed dismal for people who are staking bets as radical as eternal life on machine intelligence. "narrow AI" has its uses though. it will probably improve our lives in a lot of ways we can't foresee, until it hits its limits. understanding the limits, though, are vital for avoiding potentially catastrophic misuses of it. anthropomorphization of these systems - encouraged by the fact that they return contextually-relevant even if confabulated text responses to user queries - doesn't help us there.

we do have "general intelligences" in the world already. they include mammals, birds, cephalopods, and even insects. so far, even we humans are not masters of our world, and every new discovery seems to demonstrate a new limit to our mastery. the assumption that a "superintelligence" would fare better seems to hinge on a bad understanding of intelligence and what the limits of it are.

as a final note, it would be funny if there was a breakthrough which created an "AGI", but that "AGI" depended so much on real world embodiment that it was for all purposes all too human. such an "AGI" would only benefit from access to high-power computing machinery to the extent humans do. and if such a machine could have desires or a will of its own, who's to say it might not be so disturbed by life, or by boredom, that it opts for suicide? we tell ourselves that we're the smartest creatures on earth, but we're also one of the few species that willingly commit suicide. here's some speculation for you: what if that scales with intelligence?

[myconetted]

sorry im posting bad vibes but while we're at it: i get really upset when people say "platforms should use fewer algorithms and more humans for moderation"

because to me that directly translates to "we should traumatize more people to make my social media experience better."

i know this is an unfair characterization but like. that's kind of what happens. and you can't say "well just take better care of the moderators" because that doesn't fix it. it just makes the trauma less bad than it could be. it doesn't erase the experience of fucking seeing the beheadings, animal abuse, child abuse, mutilated bodies, or nausea-inducing hate speech. some people have thick skin but i guarantee there is something in that pile of flagged shit that would make you feel sick, that you wouldn't stop thinking about for days, that you never want to see again but you know you will because it's your job to see it

so just. don't add to this misery by carelessly throwing more people at it or harassing the people who don't have 100% accuracy. that's. not. helping.

[meridian-street]

Conversations With My Grandson

Conversations With My Grandson

Context: A family walk where my grandson (age 11) walks next to me and we lag behind the others. The conversation begins as we leave the house.

Grandson: “So Papa, you should really play Pokemon. You’d love it.

Me: “That’s like dungeons and dragons?”

Grandson: “No, not really. Well, there are powers and each character has its own abilities, like Blastoise who has like a 100 HP and his power is Rain Dance, but his hydro pump only does like 40 damage unless you have a lot of energy you can attach to him. But only a noob would use energy for him. You kill him with lightning cause that’s his weakness. It’s not as a bad as Crobat…”

Ten minutes later

Grandson: “Mewtwo can evolve into either Mega Mewtwo X or Mega Mewtwo Y if you have Mewtwonite X or Mewtwonite Y. Mewtwo X is best because it can have another fighting style, and it can use telekineses to fly and fight. Oh, and it can block special abilities and it can teleport…”

Ten minutes later as we get back to the house.

Grandson: …you are guaranteed to get nothing less than legendary Pokemons in the packs I bought. You can get Moltres, Luia, Giratina. I got Giratina already so I’ll trade that if I get it. He’s got a base experience of like 306 but he used to have like 220 but he evolved in later generations like 6 and 7…

Me: “Looks like we’re back.”

I can't vouch for the accuracy of the details because I had no idea what he was talking about but he enjoyed telling me about it and I love spending time with him.

[nathank77]

4/1/24

2:18 a.m Updated/Edited/Added to

So I struggled to fall asleep last night. I took my half at 5 a.m and I still wasn't asleep by like 7:23 a.m so I ended up taking a Benadryl bc I had my eyes closed for over 30 minutes and I just didn't fall asleep. This is two nights in a row I had to mix Benadryl in to fall asleep well sorta. Last night I absolutely did.

The night before that, I snored myself awake. I tried to fall back to sleep and I ended up taking a Benadryl. I haven't touched hydroxyzine though either night. I had to use Benadryl half way through the night when I woke up like 3-4 hours later.

I'm worried the half is losing effectiveness. Yet I started Coq10 the day I snored myself awake.. I did technically fall asleep without the Benadryl but Coq10 can cause insomnia. I don't really think it is...

That night I snored myself awake I was stressed about going to Katie. Last night I really wasn't stressed as I absolved myself from it by writing it out and remembering my true intentions.

Another consideration is I've been on methimazole every other day for at least a week now. My resting heart rate was around 85. Now it's 64... idk... all i know is my appetite is picking up and I'm using the bathroom a little bit more.

I'm still getting cold... idk if I'm normal or going hyper. I won't find out until the 16th. I got to monitor my heart rate and I have more metoprolol, my doctor perscribed me 50mg instead of 100 of succinate incase I go back to hyper... so that could be throwing me off.

Idk what normal feels like. I know what hyper does. And I don't think I'm very hyper if I am. I kinda know what hypo feels like. I was def falling asleep faster when I was hypo...

So all of this can be playing a role. I hate that my thyroid is an experiment right now.. I'm glad I scheduled it for the 16th instead of the 23rd.

I am worried about tepezza still. It can cause autophony, tinnitus and significant hearing loss.

I did a full std panel as it's been over a year since Katie. Everything came back negative. I mean the lot. I got tested for even hepatitis all of them. Syphilis. Hiv. Etc.

Although tbh I have herpes simplex 1. Aka I've had a cold sore before. I've had like 4-6 throughout my life. She did the blood test for herpes 1 and 2... my herpes 1 came back as equivocal. Meaning neither the absence or presence. And my herpes simplex 2 came back positive in the low index category at a 1.6....

I've never had symptoms... the problem with this test is it's got a 1 in 2 chance of being a false positive. Aka 1 in 2 people will have a false positive.

As it only picks up the herpes virus and doesn't distinguish between hsv1 or hsv2.

I forgot to mention to my doctor I have had cold sores... it's factual I have hsv1...

I'm not concerned, as the false positive rate between 1.10 and 3.0 is very high. If I was over 3 it's has a 90% accuracy rate. Under 3 especially under 2 and closer to 1, it's very inaccurate.

I got a 1.6, 1 in 2 tests are a false positive. They discorage doctors from doing the test for a reason unless the person has symptoms and I never have.

The issue with this test is in order to be certain they have to order an inhibitor test to inhibit hsv2.. and if that comes back positive you have asymptomatic hsv2.

Incase Elise is reading this I want this out in the open. I do not have hsv2. I'm going to ask for the inhibitor test in May for my next appt to keep it on the down low, I don't want the office staff thinking I have genital herpes.

If i knew how inaccurate it was I wouldn't have done it. Basically the test only looks for the herpes virus and can't distinguish between hsv1 or hsv2.

Getting equivocal on hsv1... and knowing I've had cold sores is an almost guarantee the hsv1 test didn't pick it up bc it was an inadequate sample. While the hsv2 picked it up bc it can't distinguish between the two.

My lab results say it very well can be a false positive and I need the inhibitor test to confirm as my index is low...

Tbh I'm not anxious about it at all. I know bc it can't distinguish between the two, it picked up that I infact do have the herpes virus but it's hsv1 aka cold sores. Mouth herpes. I'm not anxious, I know I'm right bc of my research.

Of course I'm worried that Elise would be hesitant to be with me, if she loved me if I did the inhibitor test and it came back positive. I'd never lie. Just bc I am asymptomatic doesn't mean my next partner will be. However I know bc of my research it's a false positive. And my hsv1 test was a false negative for sure.

With that being said of course I'm worried about the stigma and if it was a real positive that no one would be with me. Despite this I know it's a false positive and I'll stick the course and get the inhibitor test.

I've never had symptoms, that does not mean you can't have it. However I've thought long and hard about who I have had genital to genital contact with.

It's been like 2 people. I've had a decent amount of oral sex in the past but I was like between 14-18.

Genital to genital, it was seriously two people.

I truly don't think I have it. I think I have a false positive that picked up the hsv1 virus...

If I did the inhibitor test, and found out I had both I'd write that here as I'd never try to pull the wool over someone's eyes, as me being asymptomatic doesn't mean the other person will be....

Either way I know in my heart it's hsv1 cause of my past symptoms and I read the research.

Despite this, if Elise does love me, I want her to know there is a chance I'm an asymptomatic carrier. Although I feel it's a 3% chance given they can't distinguish between hsv1 and hsv2 without the inhibitor.

If my test results read that they used the inhibitor, I would feel very differently but Quest is saying don't diagnosis him do the inhibitor.

So yea maybe reading that kept me up last night cause I did a lot of research.

I got to submit a urine test for the last two std tests.

I have a feeling once I do that inhibitor test I'll have a clean bill of health minus hsv1 cause yea I got it.

I hope Elise would still be with me regardless of if it's hsv1 only or both. Although I wouldn't blame her if she wouldn't.

Although I do think that inhibitor test will show what I've been writing about. The cdc discourages using the test she used on me. Either way safe sex is important.

So I'll do the test and if I happen to have hsv2, well I guess whoever I end up with has to love me despite this. It's going to be hard to sell myself as a transman ingeneral but with hsv2 I might as well expect to spend my life alone.

I refuse to pull the wool over anyone's eyes though but I'm sure in May I'll be saying I have confirmed hsv1 and my hsv2 test came back negative.

If you're reading this and you're not in love with me you probably shouldn't read every entry cause I get kinda personal here. This truly is my dairy.

If you do love me, if the test goes badly I hope it won't change your feelings for me. Although I do truly think it is a false positive.

[xtrevmcx1992x]

BLACK LIVES MATTER

Folks of all Races, Feel At Home Here... Im bout to drop some Aware AF BLM Supporting Factual Knowledge From Myself a

WHITE ALLY

Who is elevated and is gonna open a can of worms that is a worthy read for the Folks of Color - Descendants of the Moors, & White People alike...

Alright here it comes all...

BLACK LIVES MATTER....

They matter more than some f***in racist a$$ Cops life which is spent inflicting awful persecution unto our undeserving, beloved neighbors of color... A life spent treating people this way due to an absence of any and all capacity for intelligent thought.. Well, theta no comparison at all.. I am a proud White Ally.. Black folks, oh the pain it causes me that I cannot tear away my White Privilege and shower it forever unto you, damn my peers for how they treat you... None moreso than those undeniably responsible for, and aptly bear the title of being the imbecilic racist a$$ freedom crushing subjugators, as well as absolute being child murderers, progress & success killing by planted evidence for those fortunate to yet be alive but unfortunate to sent that time behind bars for doing so well & gloriously ascending by way of hard earned morally pure and selfless actions in continous engagement.. The horrific punishments so common across America in these instances is atrocious and abominable.. Undeserving of Bigot idiocy of rage from those beholden to nothing but primate state consciousness equipped with mere singular braincell cognitive potential.. The actions leading to success and prosperity, in a sound Individual's perspective, are undeniably worthy of alternatively whole heartedly, congratulating and affirming them in their achievement and for a job well done... My heart catastrophically shatters for you all as you endure such torment like that of Hell... Made so much more atrocious as one can't possibly fein to pretend not to have noticed, the massive sea of endless privileged Whites expressing disdain for BLM & in massive uniformity feeling threatened, Death grip on their beloved, oh so coveted resting privilege of a society in racial inequality, their privilege undeserved and the awful result of horrific acts of racial supremacy leading to whites being the people beholden to unfairly elevated in the extreme, racially privileged social caste lifelong in secure status of a ruling class of said society giving a silent guarantee of this..

I'm heated, thusly I'm struggling to not hyperfocus on the disgust of my peers that I preach to of this endlessly, myself the clear fool as it forever falls upon deaf ears.. I am enraged at the white expressions of negativity and words revealing of a perspective which believes the folks of color are chasing a mirror image copycat, massive climbing over of these whites, to establish a secured position as the superior class, leading to elevated intensity of anxious worry, and you add insult to injury these whites whom as a group weild the mighty sword of influence and capacity to be the source of intense rapid progressing change to society which could mean truly reaching color blind equality amongst American citizens.. I grind my teeth tho at the remarks of persecution and naysayer poison in response you the folks of color risking all in the pursuit of simple base equality, and God Bless them & protect them in their seemingly unending battle, their cause... So undeniably filled to the brim with pure justice.. Beloved neighbors of color, you DESERVE PRIVILEGE, YOU DESERVE SAFETY it is your GODDAMNED RIGHT as it is every single individual's 100% always in every case, universally DESERVED basic HUMAN RIGHT. Your stolen, beaten & then oppressed to keep out of reach... That which every person is absolutely entitled to, God given birthright of equal standing and balanced to pinpoint accuracy, color blind, universally equal status of F***ing freedom to pursue greatness & safety rich comfort of decency of rights & civility...

I might've left some points of importance empty ended due to the heat of emotional intensity, but hopefully it was sensible enough... I will keep trying to ever further in simplicity and speak in different methods verbatim, preaching you my white peers the words I hope will eventually strike home and wake them up to the obvious circumstance in its complex & complete entirety... But admittedly it's hard you hang tight to hope as the Bigot Consciousness and pompous headstrong believe of absolute racist delusion that is the belief that The Civil Rights Pursuit & BLM Group's frantic struggle to achieve equal stance in human rights & privilege and simple deserved resting status of, hell let's start with a resting status of feeling secure as the young children are playing some Bigot doesn't f***ing hurt or kill them.. A resting state of not paranoid of a traffic stop turning deadly for literally no f***ing reason, add on no need to fear planted evidence of a crime that wasn't committed, I mean goddamn the list goes on without end...

Fact: White MFs, Yes I mean myself too, Thus verifiably a first hand experienced knowledge of its truth.. White MFs DO NOT EVER EXPERIENCE THOSE THINGS..

If youre white and yours reading this.. OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES OUR BELOVED NEIGHBORS, OYR BELOVED FRIENDS.. ARE IN F***ING DANGER PEOPLE!!! WHY AREN'T YOU STANDING WITH THEM, WHY AREN'T YOU AIDING THIS CAUSE?!?!

CHANGE YOURSELF THEN!!! GIVE UP BS AF WHITE PRIVILEGE AND DEFEND OUR BRETHREN!! IF YOU DONT YOU ARE A RACIST & A BIGOT!!

If that is read but ultimately not taken in nor understood then idfk what will fry though to the whites I'm constantly physically near to and converse with..

To the folks of color reading this.. I'm so.. F***ING.. Sorry... That I can't do more than I am... I'm so sorry for what Old White Money has done to you & the entire populous of color... And I'm sorry for what happened to the people of the Moors long ago... As well as the world around us having let that knowledge become near entirely unknown...

I live in Blaine Minnesota, USA.. If you also live near there.. You have an Ally Here... I'd risk all to protect you.. My privilege, life, wherever it takes to know in absolute certainty that my neighbors of color, their elders, their beautiful children, so deserving of a future so bright they never come to know rain.. I openly want to tell you my friend... That I would die to save the priceless futures of your kids, their lives supercede the value of my own.. oh my neighbor, and I am truly absent the veil with an open and aware third eye, I see the beauty of the Sun in your rich beautiful skin, You're body yet carries the wondrous Moorish Sunlight, how tragic it is, that such a beautiful thing which is deserving of awe and envy, causes instead, due to a system of persecution and hatred for such idiotic reasons of utter shocking disdain, Instead is a major source of your suffering and negativity..

You are beloved by this White Person, please rely on me if you're residing anywhere near you me, if anything happens, please reach out for help.

Black Lives Matter

Anyone not standing beside them & taking every opportunity to benefit, enrich & assist in their cause... I am so immensely shocked, and doubly disappointed in your choice to Bogart, a desperately clutch your perspective of being deserving of your safety & comfort to the point of absence amidst this nearly constant existencw of obviously hate driven killing of good people who deserve all of America standing with them.. But you f***inng don't, Stand with them, because you are a Bigot & a Racist.. Disagree? Fact: You are both simply due to not standing with all people of color, and instead choosing to demean by things like "All Lives Matter" and believe these good people to be in the wrong.. Why do you think that? Idfk honestly, because you're choosing to stay quiet, safe & cost in your privilege which you literally only f***ing get to have because you were born white... White guilt? Oh f*** yeah, soak it in.. You aren't guilty because you're white.. You're guilty because you indulge in comfort while your beloved neighbors are being brutalized & murdered by cops & bigots.. And you choose to let them f***ing do it alone... Shame on you..

Black Lives Matter

That's my rant for now

Elders of color, especially those who were Panthers... God Bless You, and I hope to God these damn White people i call my peers wake TF up because you brave folks are deserving of a White Army standing with you.. If they won't give you the base status of permanent color blind equality & provide your beautiful black children the safety and opportunity as white kids... Then the Bigot Minded, Black Folk Oppressing & Sicking the Dogs = Cops who are Bullies with the sole purpose of violently Subjugating & stomping on all black folks achievements and progress..

Sorry I'm getting into it again... Umm.. In an undeniable circumstance of regular murders and false charges ruining families system that won't evolve to the mere position of providing equality in a color blind state.. Folks it's gonna be inescapably a necessary state of things requiring a Mask on Gloves On, Straps Ready.. Liberty or Death, Civilians vs Suits & Cops type of situation...

At some point the unrest needs to be the gunpowder that allows the shot which sends a bullet through the head of the Old White Money Banksters to shock the world.. Not like CIA FBI freak the fuck out, but rather a Metaphorical expression of poetic structure, which is the eruption of the American people's outrage and unwillingness to sit quietly and allow this to go on forever...

Holy shit have I ranted for a lengthy time.. I'll summarize with a concluding statement..

You, my beloved neighbors of color whom my heart is in agony for... This must end... You are so far beyond deserving of such base human rights which you live whilst they are kept from you... I will do all I can to help.. I won't give up on trying to wake up the white people I'm able to talk to, I'm so horrified at their choice of position to reside in regarding the pursuit of civil rights by the people of color...please be safe, God watch over you and hinder any police presence during your travels...

Endless Love, Blessed Be.

[unlikelygoopneckauthor]

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[dark-frosted-heart]

All Because of a Slight Fever - Roger Barel

The sick event

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this

Kate: Sorry for bothering you, Roger.

I wound up in the infirmary after spraining my ankle trying to go after a purse snatcher I encountered in the city.

Roger: I don't mind. It's part of my job anyway.

Roger finishes with an "it's done". My injured ankle's carefully taped up.

Roger: However...Isn't there something else you should be apologizing for?

Kate: The fact that I didn't catch the thief...?

Because I wasn't able to catch up to them with a sprained ankle, the culprit disappeared into the crowd.

(I wanted to get the bag that was stolen back...)

Roger: Wrong. If you don't get it, I'll punish you.

Kate: What...!

Roger wrapped an arm around my waist and slipped his other hand under the hem of my dress.

A large, bony hand gently caresses my skin.

Roger: Huh...I see.

Kate: W-what are you doing...?!

I want to resist but can't because I don't want to put pressure on my ankle.

Fingertips trail from my collarbone to my neck, and then from my neck to my ears.

Kate: Ah...

My body shuddered at the comfort sent from the tickling sensation.

Roger: You felt that? Haha, you're as sensitive as ever.

Kate: It's because of how you're touching me...ah.

The moment I raise my voice in protest, Roger's fingers enter my mouth.

Imitating their owner, the fingers forcefully push my mouth open.

Kate: Ugh...

Amber eyes observe my sloppily opened mouth.

(Just what the heck are you doing, Roger?)

My faces starts to heat up in embarrassment.

Finally he pulls his fingers out and speaks up.

Roger: You have a cold.

Kate: ........Huh?

Roger: You didn't notice? Your throats swollen and you got a fever.

Now that he mentioned it, I do feel a bit sluggish...

(Was that a medical exam just now?)

Kate: Then, what I need to apologize for is...

Roger: For pushing yourself when you have a cold.

Roger shrugs his shoulders in exasperation and tilts his head toward a bed.

Roger: Sick people should stay in bed.

---

Kate: Nnn...

I woke up on the bed in the infirmary. A look at the clock told me that it was dawn.

(Roger gave me medicine and I went to bed)

I looked to the side and saw Roger asleep in the chair beside me.

(Why'd he sleep in the chair instead of going back to his room?)

(Come to think of it, last night...)

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: Hah...Ha...

I woke up in the middle of the night with throbbing, stabbing headache.

(It hurts...)

Tears welled up in the corner of my eyes from being helplessly in pain. In my blurred vision, I see someone gently touch my forehead.

Roger: Your fever's rising...

(Ro...ger...?)

Roger: I'm gonna change the towel on your forehead.

Kate: Thank...ack!

When I was about to thank him, I started to cough violently.

Roger: Don't force yourself to talk. Want some water first?

I nodded my head and Roger helped me up by supporting my back. He brought a pitcher of water to my lips.

(Yum...)

If I try to say something, I'll start coughing, so I thank him with a nod.

Roger smiles softly at me and pats my head.

Roger: I know it hurts, but you'll feel better after getting a good night's sleep. I'll watch over you so rest easy.

~~ Flashback end ~~

(Roger's words were such a relief that I feel asleep right after)

(You really have been by my side this whole time...)

Warmth filled my chest at the sight of Roger, who must've fallen asleep in the middle of taking care of me.

He's always teasing me, kisses me forcibly, and I'm always at his mercy, but...

It's reassuring and makes me happy to know that he's there for me when I'm physically weak.

(Ah...If Roger keeps sleeping in that chair, he'll be the one to catch a cold.)

I sit up on the bed to cover him with a blanket.

The bed creaks, waking Roger up.

Roger: Nnn...You're awake. How're you feeling?

Kate: Thanks to you, I feel a lot better.

Roger: Glad to hear it. It's worth getting sick. Oh, and I heard they caught purse snatcher you were chasing.

Kate: Really! That's a relief...When I heard that a precious bag was stolen, I wanted to get it back no matter what.

While I felt relieved, Roger furrowed his brows and let out a sigh.

Roger: While I think the way you cherish others is a virtue, don't neglect yourself. If it's a sprained ankle or a cold, it's no big deal for me. But, there are some things that even I can't treat.

Kate: Got it. I'll be careful.

I knew that Roger was genuinely worried about me after taking care of me last night so I nodded firmly.

Roger: If you got it, then that's good. Stay healthy for me. Because I like to dote on (or torment) the healthy ones and make them cry.

Kate: Wha-! That's why?!

(I thought a little too highly of Roger after he took care of me!)

Roger: Once you've fully recovered, I'm gonna play with you to my heart's content so be prepared.

Kate: Why would you do that.

Roger: I need some kind of payment after taking care of you, right? Let's see...

Roger approaches me and rests his forehead against mine as he sits on the bed.

Kate: ...

I knew it was to check my temperature but my heart can't help but jump when I felt his breath.

Roger: Good, your fever's gone down.

Kate: T-that's good to hear.

(If that's the case, I wonder if he'll make me pay him back now...)

(I wonder what he'll do...)

The moment when our foreheads touched passes and our eyes meet.

Roger: I was thinking about waiting until you got better, but I don't think I can when you're looking at me like that.

Kate: Like wha-...Nnn...Ah!

Grabbing me by the shoulders, he pushed me down on the bed and our lips met.

His tongue licks at the roof of my mouth and my mind goes sweetly numb.

Kate: Roger...

Roger: What, want more?

Kate: Opposite...Ngh

Roger gives a throaty chuckle and continues to kiss me relentlessly.

(I can't go against him...I'm sure it's because I'm still sick...)

I clutched at the sheets while making excuses to no one in particular and resisted the temptation to give in to the pleasure.

How long has it been. Finally our lips part with a pop.

Roger: Heh. You're face's red.

Kate: And whose fault is that...

I roughly wiped my lips with the back of my hand and scowled at Roger.

The feeling of his tongue against mine leave.

Kate: What if the fever comes back...

Roger: Then I'll take responsibility and look after you again.

[confusedinfj]

12 Rules for MBTI:

You can't type people with 100% accuracy, so don't put someone in a box and leave them there. The point of mbti is to understand people, so you have to keep an open mind and a willingness to alter your typing and understanding of the person. People are always developing, and sometimes it becomes clearer a person was turbulent and masking their true thought processes/imitating someone else's. (This explains why some people appear to change type. Either because they're insecure and subconsciously hiding their true selves, or because they previously were and are now more confident in themselves).

Character and mbti is completely separate. No personalities are particularly inclined towards arrogance, kindness, creativity, etc. Those traits are all human, and they will be present in ALL TYPES. It is possible the kindest person you know is an intj, the mystical guru you know is an entp, and the bossy ceo at work is actually an Infp. A person of good character will use their cognitive functions for good, but may or may not be functionally well developed. Similarly, a person of bad character might have well developed functions/ego and just be pure evil. A well developed personality doesn't guarantee you're a great person.

A person of exceptionally good character will be hard to type because they have empathy, kindness, and self awareness. This means they can see from multiple perspectives, seemingly using any function.

A person of exceptionally bad character will be hard to type because they won't be genuine or vulnerable, so it will be very hard to see their thought process. Some people of very bad character might even be able to deliberately fake an entirely different, nice persona, in which case they'll be mistyped because of manipulation, but let's not go there).

There is no personality type more prone to abuse/codependency/being abusive. And no, being abused isn't a character issue - the human brain is literally wired to trust people and build relationships. Being abusive IS a character issue, and is totally separate from mbti type.

Avoid typing people who are strongly narcissistic. It's not possible to see any thought processes other than self entitlement, fear, and a desperate need for control, which will lead to typings based off bad stereotypes. (For example, I could say trump is an entj because he has 'classic bad te'. Or I could say he's an Enfj because he has 'classic manipulative Fe'). Character is completely separate from mbti. A lot of so called NT things are literally narcissistic behaviours, and that's not reflective of any decent human being.

Avoid typing TV/movie/book characters with too much conviction. Just because the characters will usually change personality to fit the actor/writer, with a few rare exceptions, and idw get into all that.

Extraverts are often more awkward/insecure than introverts. Perhaps because they're not as practiced at turning on extraversion at will, but I consider it more likely that it's because when they're stressed they'll go to a lower, likely introverted, function (entj to Ni when nervous, or Fi under pressure).

T types are more 'fragile' than f types, so pls stop stereotyping them as brick walls 😭 From what I've seen, t types are more likely to end up in conflict due to their lack of people handling skills, or a lack of awareness of how unable they are to handle true conflict. T types like debating, but NO DECENT PERSON LIKES CONFLICT. A T type might be more willing to charge into it, but they're also more likely to retreat and cry when you start calling them names. An F type might be more conflict avoidant, but when pushed to their lower T function they can become cunning and savage, even if they do cry at first. Basically, if you're trying to type someone by how much they like fighting, it's too niche and you won't get anywhere.

Sensors can be visionary, and N types can be practical. Again, these are more about character, life experiences, and personal talents. Don't assume a desire to be safe means someone is a sensor, or a desire to change the world means someone is an intuitive.

Don't hate one type. While no personality is inherently more prone to certain character flaws, some personalities are more common (SJs). This means the system as a whole is tailored to their way of thinking, and can ultimately mean you might meet a lot of underdeveloped Sensors. This leads a lot of people to conclude they hate SJs, or they aren't SJs because they hate the system, or they don't fit in, or because all SJs suck and I don't, so I can't be one. These conclusions are too simplistic - N types can also like the system, successfully fit in, and be just as badly developed. Similarly, don't conclude that all N types are vapid idiots who you hate (seen this particularly for the NJs). Consider the possibility you're actually typing by bad stereotypes. And if they really are all NJs you're hating, reflect on whether your own development is too low to appreciate their different thought processes.

Always type by the functions. And never conflate the functions with character.

[dialovers-translations]

Do you allow your translations to be used for academic papers?

Yes, I do. I allow people to use them for writing an analysis on Tumblr as well, provided they give credit. Also I enjoy receiving a link to the finished product in the end so I can read the analysis myself. :3 There's some really well-written character studies out there.

However, I do want to stress that I'm by no means a professional translator so I can't guarantee that my translations are always perfect/100% accurate.

Especially with Japanese being heavily context-based, I do take some liberties when it comes to translating. My main goal is to make a translation which reads smoothly for an English-speaking public, which sometimes means having to sacrifice a little in the accuracy department.

[magickfromscratch]

Hi! Ive read your wordpress blog and a few others where people talk about ritual possession and I found that very interesting! If you dont mind I have a few questions:

What moments did you have when you realised “this is 100% real”? And did the Gods ever act in a way different from what you would expect? And then, is this something that will only happen in groups, or can you do this on your own too?

Thank you, I hope that I will experience this one day too!

It's an interesting question.

I see myself as a natural philosopher or occult scientist rather than as a person of faith. So I will never say that I know anything 100%.

While some people view science and magic as opposites, to me, science is a method, not a belief system. And you can apply that method to anything you can observe.

Likewise, I don't have beliefs, I have models for understanding things I observe. And as I sit here typing this, I fully accept the possibility that my explanations for what I experience may be completely wrong. And I'm ok with that. Hell, I'm proud of that.

You can tell how accurate a model is by how well it allows you to predict what will happen regarding a certain phenomenon. However, any model built from the observable facts will have SOME predictive power, even if it's dead wrong. Kepler thought that the planets somehow fit together in the solar system in some kind of system of Platonic solids inside one another. People at one point thought the Earth was the center of the solar system. It seemed to resonate with what they observed.

The way I do trance with my friends is that we call down a deity into the room first, rather than directly into a person. The medium in question has to be able to feel the deity's presence in a tactile sense before them occupying the same space and doing an alignment between the deity's body and the medium's body.

I consistently observe that people can feel this energy. During the alignment process, people's limbs and extremities will start to move without the medium willing it, even before full possession occurs. And watching people new to the process saying things like "holy shit that's WEIRD" when it happens is also pretty consistent.

But then again, if you know much about trance states, that's not proof that there's actually a deity there. Pre-hypnotic suggestions are just as powerful as post-hypnotic suggestions in some cases. How people culturally expect trance states to feel, and what they expect to happen during them can powerfully shape their experiences. Trance states, hypnotic states, liminal mental states... neurologically, it's all part of the same phenomenon. And it's no guarantee of 'accuracy', even if the trance is deep.

Much more convincing to me are the experiences I have had where people called down a deity and tranced, and I felt absolutely nothing. The air did not move when the deity came down, I did not feel the rushing of energy or heat or cold over my skin, and when I looked at the medium, I discerned no second presence within them, even though I fully expected to. If I can expect to feel an extra something, if I can expect to see an extra light in the medium's eyes, if I can expect to feel something on my skin, and I am surprised to note its absence, then it validates for me the times that when I felt it, it wasn't just because I expected to, and it wasn't just in my head.

The unexpected, in general, is what sells me on the realness of the phenomenon. Real forces of nature do things you don't expect. People have written entire proofs as to why bumblebees can't fly, and it took a long time before anyone really understood why they could. They had to look deeper based on the surprises in nature before they could come up with theories of aerodynamics that had the capacity to predict such a thing as a flying bumblebee.

Hermes doesn't always behave as I expect. I recall one time trancing him, and he lost his temper at someone. That was a really unpleasant experience. The guy deserved it, of course. He was a scum bag, a sexist, and was actively making anti-consent comments during the devotional, in addition to insulting both party guests and his hosts. But I think it must have taken hours for my heart rate to actually return to normal after the deity departed. And yeah, that guy was like, 'oh that wasn't really Hermes that was a fake deity' because his other option was to admit he was wrong and that a deity he worshipped was actually mad at him.

But the fact that Hermes had that setting? I mean. I'd never seen it. I'd never imagined it. I figured he could just stay calm and use persuasion for everything, right? And that whole thing was insane. People were telling me that he pulled that dude aside, and it was like there was a cone of silence in that small room. No one could hear what the god was saying except that one dude. And then he BOLTED and was dead certain, not that I was channeling nothing, but that he'd encountered a medium carrying a metaphysically potent evil demon.

Could that human have been correct that it wasn't Hermes? Sure! But consider the message. "If you don't wake up and smell the consent culture, you have a hand in undoing our community." That's what this 'demon' said. And this was prior to the "me too" movement, I think, if only by just a little bit. Which he told the guy all but privately so as not to humiliate him publicly. So evil. Much malevolence. Very demon. Wow.

But then again, I also believed strongly in the importance of consent culture. So even at that, ymmv. And the cone of silence thing is WEIRD, right? But even though I was working in a Hellenic framework, and even if I'm not the right archetype of person to call on Silence as a power, it's still something that one of my (non-Hellenic) magical systems can consistently manifest. So maybe the weird magical effect came from somewhere other than the god. And you can, absolutely, do this all day, and second-guess yourself into the ground.

And that brings me to my last, and possibly most important point: it's fine to ask yourself if it is real, but a far more important thing to do is to ask, "Is this spiritually fruitful?"

Are we giving deities a chance to speak, or giving our clergy a bully pulpit? Are the messages we receive helping people and communities to grow, or is it causing an increased level of fear, anxiety, anger, angst, and strife? And that's a question you can really only answer on a clergy person by clergy person basis, or maybe a community by community basis. And the answer generally revolves around another question:

Have your mediums done their shadow work?

Well? Have they?

[wornoutmouse]

Bakugou does your hair

In this I'll be using my hair products cause i don't know any other. Blue magic, cantu, and Shea Moisture don't work for me. My hair hates it and breaks off🤷🏿‍♀️

I used to use Grandma's Recipe but its not moisturizing my hair anymore since i moved to Vegas so i have been using ™WonderGro (Jamaican Black Castro Oil) for grease and ™Elite (total body care) for both shampoo, conditioner, and face oil. I gots me some vitamin c serum for dark spots cause i don't use make-up.

I have super sensitive skin that switches 25/40 (i cant use suave anymore cause now im alergic to it.) And i break out easy so trust me if i recommend any products in regards to skin care😂

Sorry this is getting long, enjoy the fluff

The day was here. The day you’ve dreaded since you and Katsuki started living together. Wash day.

Up until now, all Katsuki had seen you wearing were different variations of braids. He had a vague idea that not all your hair was real but he has never seen your hair free and in the wild.

“Hey Bakugou, do you have anything to do today?” you ask nonchalantly as your boyfriend walks through the door. “No.” was his only response as he sat next to you. You cringe as he buries his face into your braids and you  imagine the dust and dirt falling on his eyelashes. 

(I’ve only let it get that bad twice in my life)

“Well, could you please find something to do?” That got his attention as he sits up and glares at you. “Why are you trying to get rid of me all of a sudden?” You close your eyes regretting even starting the conversation. “Look today I need to wash my hair so I really need to focus, Baku.” 

Bakugou is, of course, confused as he looks at your hair to see if something was wrong with it. “So why don’t you wash it, I won’t bother you?” You scream inside your head at his persistence but press on. “Because Bakugou, you’ve never seen my natural hair and I’m not sure if I want you to yet.”

You peek your eyes open to see Bakugou’s reaction and to your horror, absolute boredom was present on his face. “That sounds like a personal problem because now I’m not leaving, in fact, let's go do it now.” 

“Bakugou! Please!” you wail as he drags you to your shared bathroom. You try to dodge and weave but consequently get your hair caught in his steel grip as he held onto a group of your braids. “Stop struggling and sit your pretty ass down.”

You pout as you plop down on the toilet seat but watch with curious eyes as Bakugou grabs your rat tail comb and stabs a spot in-between your braids. “What are you doing?’ He scoffs as he elegantly unbraids your hair. “I doubt you wash your hair while it’s still braided idiot.”

With calm accuracy, Bakugou takes down your hair from left to right, smacking your hands when you try to help. "You didn't want to do your hair with me around so I don't want you raising a hand to help!"

When Bakugou finishes, he grabs the mountain of hair and looks at you with wide eyes as he takes in your real hair. "Why are you looking at me like that?" You groan hiding your face in embarrassment. Bakugou shrugs, "I didn't expect it to be that short." He bags the rest of your hair and leaves to throw it out as you wallow in self pity.

With frustrated tears you turn away from him with your arms crossed. A hand hits you on the back of your head, "What's that face for!?" You turn towards him with your lip jutted out, "You said my hair is short!"

Bakugou looked at you dumbly as he watched you glare at your toes. With a sigh Bakgou turns on the shower as he speaks, "I never said it was a bad thing. Hell, i wouldn't care if you were bald." You study his face and feel your heart flutter. It wasn't often you got to see the side of him.

Your suddenly hit with a face full of pressurized water as Bakugou points the shower head at you, "Get that dumb look off your face and get in the shower!"

After you recover from your drowning, you get into the shower and put shampoo on your hair. Humming your favorite song, you massage the liquid into your scalp, completely missing the sound of the curtain opening.

It wasn't until you felt a warm presence behind you and breath tickling your ear. "Why do you have the water at 100 gotdamn degrees in here!?" In your haste, you nearly slip and bang your face against the shower wall. "I'm not even gonna ask." Katsuki muttered as he adjusted the knob.

"Why are you in the shower with me?" Bakugou rolls his eyes and turns you back around, and for a moment you thought he wanted to get ✨freaky deaky✨ in the shower. That of course was until you felt fingers rub your scalp in soothing circles.

"Ah~" Bakugou smirked as he heard your sound of pleasure. In reality, he was taking the time to get used to touching your hair. Because it was in braids, he never got to fully feel your hair texture. But now he could not only feel it dry but wet and he must say it's a strange feeling.

Side note: am i the only one that thinks straight hair feels slimy when wet? Like i can't stand touching non black hair when it's wet it feels so icky.🤢

When washing is said and done (of course with a loving make out session: details not included) You somehow find yourself in between Bakugou's legs as he parts your hair. "Wait a damn minute, you don't know how to do my hair!?" You say reaching back to grab the comb only to get your hands popped. 

"Your mom taught me that trap card." Bakugou smirked as you rub your battle wound. "That's it, I ain't letting you hang with my momma no moe." Bakugou applies your repair oil in the parts, and massages it into your scalp once again, soon making your eyes roll back from the feeling.

"Do you want to use Grandma's Recipe' or "WonderGro Jamaican Black Castro oil"?" Bakugou asks, reading your grease labels. You sit there and shrug, "Jamaican." Bakugou nods and opens it gasping when he smells it. 

(It smells like blue slurpee on gawd)

"Can I eat it?" He asked scooping some of the dark purple solid onto his finger. "You can, but I can't guarantee you'll live afterwards though." You joke earning yourself another pop.

In the end Bakugou puts your hair in twisties for you to blow dry tomorrow. It looked better than you expected and you thanked him for it.

Anyone notice that when you look up short hairstyles it be shoulder length like, "sorry but im bald ma'am😃"