#were they even limited in showing grief? and sadness?? because i really feel like this is so out of character for the other brothers

[turtlecleric]

03!TMNT really be traumatizing Donnie over and over again... SAINW, Good Genes, and now at the beginning of season seven with him blaming himself for [redacted]... this poor boy.

[spngi]

My tears ricochet | mafia!carlos sainz jr x reader

Prologue

part 1 | part 2

summary: Mr. and Mrs. Sainz lived in a dream for many years, now everything is falling apart and they need to deal with their feelings

warnings: Grammar mistakes, citation of violence, Carlos is an idiot, mentions of cheating

Carlos Sainz Jr was a true gentleman, a loyal and kind companion, a loving lover. A captivating man who won me over at first glance, with his chocolate-colored eyes and million-dollar smile. I didn't know who Carlos really was until I became deeply involved with him, until I realized I loved him so much that it wouldn't make any difference if he were a prince, a fisherman, or a mobster.

I met Carlos at the art gallery where I worked in Madrid; he was charming, affectionate, and too perfect to be true. He made efforts to create perfect dates and show all the affection he had for me; loving Carlos was as easy as breathing.

He was always very open about his feelings, his plans for the future, but he avoided revealing what his job was as much as possible. I tried to guess, after all, there aren't many job options in the market that could justify a huge mansion and the need for many security guards around him, but I never succeeded.

It took him a year to open up about his illicit activities to me, perhaps pressured by fate with subtle gestures. Before I could find out on my own, Carlos came clean.

I loved him deeply, but a woman has her limits and there are things I can't tolerate. I loved him infinitely, but thinking about all the things he did or was involved in made me sick. I had to overlook many things to be with him because, after all, I loved him, and that was what mattered, right?

"A monster is not a monster when you love it." This phrase was never more true. Carlos was never a monster to me, even after he told me all the terrible things he had done. I would still love him anyway.

Carlos loved me for five years, loved me while we timidly got to know each other, loved me when I tried to leave his life, loved me with all my mess when I moved into his house, loved me on our wedding day as we shared tears, loved me through three wedding anniversaries. But he didn't love me when I had to mature, when I realized that in the life we were living, you either bite or get bitten, when I realized that staying clean-handed would only bring me grief and sadness.

He began to distance himself gradually: the bed seemed too far away, he kept his hugs at bay, stayed late at the office to avoid sharing a bed, left early from our house to avoid breakfast together. I spared no effort to keep him close, planned dinners he would make excuses not to attend, tried to surprise him at the office only to be chased away. Then came the day he decided to move rooms. I was startled to enter the room we shared, where we had been so happy, now empty, without his clothes, without his pillow, without his bath products.

It hurt too much to see him so distant. He claimed he needed time to think, but there was no emotion in his words. We were both scared of what had happened in the previous months. After the incident where they tried to hurt me, I needed my husband's help. I wanted him to protect me, I needed his support, needed to be strong like him and not just his helpless wife.

Even after all my efforts to make him love me again, he never returned to our room. Then the girl came into the story. A woman's intuition is funny; I knew the moment he came home on a certain day that he had found another woman. Even with all the moments I tried to change Carlos's mind, using every possible means and humiliating myself more than I would allow at any other time, nothing stopped that moment from arriving.

"What is this?" I ask, not daring to touch the envelope in front of me.

"They're the divorce papers, y/n..." Carlos sighs, appearing for the first time in a long time for breakfast. "I tried to be as fair as possible, but you can look at them and then we'll negotiate."

"There will be no negotiation, Carlos! Because there will be no divorce," I reply, trying to stay firm. This day seemed close, but something in me still refused to believe it would come. Something in me refused to accept that I would have to divorce Carlos. This was just a phase, something that happens to any couple; we didn't need to be extremists.

"Y/n... please, be rational. We can't prolong this; it's the best way out for both of us," he tries to negotiate.

"And I disagree with your opinion. My God, Carlos! We're talking about our marriage! You didn't even try to give us a chance," I respond, frustrated.

"There's no solution anymore, y/n..." he murmurs to me, and that breaks me even more.

"I won't sign them, Carlos," I push the envelope away from me. The wedding ring gleams on my left hand with the movement, a simple touch of irony to the whole situation.

English is not my first language.

Leave your comments and opinions ❤️

[questionableratatouille00]

𝓜𝓸𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓞𝓷 12

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Wanda and Y/n have decided to move in together, in Wanda’s house. Though Y/n is sad to say goodbye to her apartment, especially considering who used to live there with her, her friends help her say goodbye. Life goes on, even though bad things happen. And it’s true, bad things do happen. The most important thing is how you deal with them.

Warnings (Entire Series): This series deals with mature topics, including, but not limited to: death, mental health issues, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, grief, trauma, general unwellness, illness (both mental and physical), and a most likely inaccurate portrayal of group therapy (though it’s much better than whatever was going on in TFATWS.) Please mind the warnings below.

Warnings: fluff and the end. If you spot all the references to previous chapters I’ll kiss you on the mouth.

🌻Series Masterlist 🌻

𝐈 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐎𝐧

You walked down the aisle, your dress making you feel confident in every decision you’ve made thus far.

You felt beautiful as you glanced at the woman you love.

Looking at her made everything worth it. You continued to walk down the aisle as the music played.

The beautiful decorations still managing to catch your eye even though you’d obviously been there when they were picked out. Everything was perfect about this day, down to every second.

You were so excited to go home tonight with your favorite redheaded woman, who was wearing her own fancy dress. She looked beautiful and she smiled at you as you walked.

You hadn’t been to a wedding in a long time, especially one you were participating in.

You considered your role to be pretty damn important, considering where you were and what you were doing.

Even though your shoes were somewhat uncomfortable and didn’t fit exactly right, none of it mattered because you were happy.

As you reached the end of the aisle, you stood next to Bucky as he married the love of his life.

At the reception, you met up with Wanda again. She was wearing a beautiful dress, with a sunflower pendant necklace to match her sunflower earrings.

“They look so happy,” she smiles. “I’m glad.”

“Me too,” you smile warmly. “I’m glad we’re happy. All of us.”

She grinned, looking up at you. “We really are.”

“You look a lot better.” Sharon said as she took a sip of her vanilla latte.

“I feel a lot better.” You took a sip of your own drink. “Thanks. For everything. I don’t think I would’ve made it out if not for your texts every once in a while.”

She rested her hand on top of yours. “I’m glad I sent them. And I’m proud of you for signing up for therapy in the first place.”

“Thanks, Sharon. That means a lot to me. It does.” You smiled.

“I’m sorry. For ghosting you all. It was dumb of me, and I shouldn’t have just ran like that, and I’m sorry I hurt you, and—“ You were cut off by Melina wrapping you in a tight hug.

“We do not care, sweetheart.” She murmured affectionately in your ear. She then pulled away.

“We are just glad to have you back.” Alexei said, clapping his hand on your shoulder in an almost-painful way. You knew it was his way of being deeply emotional.

“I’m only kind of sorry for breaking in.” Yelena said after a moment. “But I am glad to see you again.” She hugged you.

“Yeah. It’s good to see you too.” You felt a sense of pure love fill you.

You’d developed a new routine with Wanda.

You get up. You get ready. You eat breakfast with Wanda. You go to work. You drive home. You make dinner with Wanda and eat together. You end the night by turning on the TV to watch your favorite shows together.

You didn’t need to divide your life into two parts anymore. The world felt whole, you felt whole. Things were okay.

Life was going good.

“Considering this is our last meeting,” Coulson began. “I’d like to talk about something special.”

“Oh, don’t do that, you’ll make me cry.” Clint laughed.

The whole group chuckled.

“Alright, alright.” Coulson grinned slightly. “In one of our earliest meetings, we played the secrets game. If you don’t remember, that’s when I had you all write down a vulnerable thought or secret down on a piece of paper and we read them aloud. I think now’s a good time to claim our papers.” He set out each piece of paper down on the small table in the center of the circle of chairs.

You found yours immediately and picked it up as the rest of the group picked up theirs.

“How about we go in a circle and read them aloud? To see how much we’ve changed as people.” Coulson guided.

When it was your turn, you read your statement out loud. “I wonder if they regret being with me,” you read from the paper. When Coulson asked how you thought you’d changed since writing the words, you smiled gently.

“I’m more sure of myself. And..I have faith in my relationships and connections now.” You explained. Everyone smiled at that.

Then it was Wanda’s turn.

“Everyone I care about gets hurt.” She reads.

You freeze. “That one—I read that one. That was yours?”

She nods, a sheepish grin on her face. “I know I’ve changed a lot since then. I’m not afraid of losing people I love. Well, I mean, of course I am, but I’m never terrified the world will just suddenly end. Not anymore.” She holds your hand as she says it.

You walk out of therapy with your hand tightly held in hers.

Maybe there had been a point to all of it. Just maybe.

“Anyone up to grab lunch?” Tony called out as he was hopping into his car, Bruce getting into the passenger side.

You chuckled and flashed him a thumbs up.

As you and Wanda hopped into the truck, you turned on the radio. As you pulled out of the therapy center, the soft song filled the car.

Then you're left in the dust Unless I stuck by ya You're the sunflower I think your love would be too much Or you'll be left in the dust Unless I stuck by ya You're the sunflower You're my sunflower.

A/n: hoping I got somebody in the beginning. I have been thinking about that part since ch. 4 lmao.

Anyways I’m gonna start rambling about this series because it means a lot to me. I started this series in the summer (I think??), and I was in a completely different mental state. I love this series and I hope the people who read it do too. I’m glad I got to finish it.

In conclusion, it’s okay to move on. It will take a long time, it won’t be easy, and it’ll be hard. Maybe the things you deal with don’t ever go away, but they can improve.

Love you all. 💕🌻

[whinlatter]

Plss do 5, 22 and 14 for Lily again. I just love her so much😅

5. Best personality trait

one of the things that i’ve always found striking in lily’s letter to sirius in DH is both how immediately warm she comes across, but also how brimming with emotion she is. the ‘thank you, thank you, for harry’s birthday present’ is this lovely, affectionate, slightly dramatic opener. the letter is obviously desperately sad - especially with hindsight - but it’s also emotionally confessional (she ‘cried all evening’ when she heard about the McKinnons), gossipy (‘it seems impossible to believe that dumbledore was ever really friends with grindelwald. i think bathilda’s mind is going, personally’), even spiteful (‘no complaints’ about harry smashing petunia’s vase). her love and concern for james is all over the letter, but so is her concern for peter (‘i thought he seemed down’). even the act of writing the letter and conveying to his godfather how much harry loved his present shows her concern for sirius, too, wanting to make him a part of the moment he missed. i think what i like about it is that if even the letter isn’t a completely truthful insight into lily’s feelings about being in hiding — she doesn’t describe her likely feelings of fear for harry, although we get this little hint about frustrations told through james, and mention of dumbledore having the cloak — it does still give a portrait of a character who feels her feelings deeply and brims with emotion. it’s particularly striking because it also is a rare lapse from jkr’s usual (clumsy, unjust) female characterisations in the series, where female characters are condemned for being gossipy or melodramatic or are rewarded in the narrative for being stoic. that lily ‘cried all evening’ over the mckinnons’ deaths is so indicative of a character who wasn’t yet war-weary (never had a chance to be), so did grief in a very open, unabashed way, and i just love that.

(it also shows how harry, the stoic/emotionally repressed young man, is a function more of his upbringing rather than his parents’ personalities - james is an open book in what little we see of him in canon, and lily clearly was effusive, chatty, heart on her sleeve and had her many emotions right there at the surface. it gives a glimpse of what harry could have been, or could still be, in peacetime. that harry immediately cries when he reads lily’s letter for the first time is this lovely little moment of aspects of the mother coming through in the usually very tightly-wound, repressed son.)

14. Most heroic moment

aside from the - er - canonically lauded and obvious, it’s got to be her joining the order straight out of school, especially as a muggleborn. to put herself at that level of personal risk for a resistance movement age eighteen as a member of a socially marginalised persecuted group is a major slay. lily likely had only been close with the marauders for a year at most (assuming going out with james was the conduit for those friendships, which it seems in canon like it was). so we can assume that she had her own political awakening and her interest in resistance politics wasn’t limited to her association with james and the gang. and i think that is Cool!

22. Best physical feature

if people were still banging on about how gorgeous my eyes were after i’ve been in the ground for a decade i’d be pretty chuffed, let me tell ya! people were falling over themselves/slamming the brakes/stopping traffic/climbing over barbed wire fences to tell lily’s son he had her eyes. those must have been some gorgeous peepers. also you know that hair was fire. that glossy dark red — whew! the potters are a haircare dynasty, remember. they know luscious locks when they see them. it had body, it had volume, it had magic of its own — lily evans’ hair was the moment ❤️‍🔥

[fanfoolishness]

Surprise self-rec time! Pick 3 of your favorite things you’ve written and share them here, then put this in the inbox (anonymously or not) of your fellow writers to spread the positivity and help celebrate already written fics 💞

Oh man, these favorite fic things are getting harder and harder... curse my propensity to write literally hundreds of one-shots! XD Thank you for sending this. I'll limit it to Bad Batch and pick just a few I particularly enjoyed writing.

Heightened: Hunter tries to understand a world without Tech.

Hunter is an interesting POV for me to write from. He's not as open as Wrecker, nor is he as repressed as Crosshair; but he also doesn't spend a lot of time in his own head, unlike Crosshair who's often trapped there and would prefer to get out. Hunter's grief wasn't going to look like Wrecker's, or Crosshair's. Even if the show keeps his heightened senses very subtle at times, it felt right to explore his grief through some of his senses. Instead of Hunter acknowledging he's in pain and misses Tech, he notices things like neither he or Wrecker being able to make the caf the same way Tech did, or the way the Marauder sounds so quiet. I really enjoyed this one despite the crying times it produced.

the mess you left behind: Tech called Plan 99. Wrecker's still here.

Continuing on the Tech grief train... Anyone who hangs around here for long will probably pick up on the fact that my brother died several years ago. Richie was 27 and died of his drug addiction, and while things have gotten much better, his loss etched a permanent groove deep into my brain. When I see sibling loss in media, I have to Go to There and aggressively confront it, especially when the source media fails to do so in any emotionally resonant way. So as much as I wish Tech Lives! was true, it's more emotionally harrowing - but rewarding - for me that we lost him, because it means I can dive into that loss, reshape it, honor it, and show his siblings mourning him the way he deserves to be mourned. I find great comfort in showing things like Wrecker not being able to taste food properly or flying off the handle or sleeping horribly, because those were things that happened to me. I knew grief would fuck up my brain but I had no idea how much it can fuck up your body, too, and it would have been less scary had I known about that ahead of time. So not only are fics like this my chance to honor Tech in the narrative and to further develop his siblings' characters, they're also a shout across fiction into reality for any readers who might recognize themselves in that grief and feel a little bit more seen, and a little less alone.

A New Fascination: Tech isn't sure why Phee fascinates him so, but when she tells him about an intriguing creature by the shore, he takes a chance to further investigate things.

And to give Tech his due -- here is (almost) pure fluff, with Tech and Phee flirting and slowly starting to figure each other out. This was one was so much fun to write. Tech being neurodivergent and new to the whole idea of dating made for a tricky balance, but we remember how he leapt into racing with Faster, too -- headfirst! Once he's certain of Phee's intentions (and bless him, I had Phee straight up tell him when she realized he might need that level of clarity) he's all in, and they were so much fun to write bouncing off each other. I should write more of them but then I get sad, argh! But this is just a sweet little breath of fresh air and it has both of them being adorable, plus Hunter casually trying out a new role as wingman, Wrecker wanting to tease him, and Omega being oblivious XD If you need a palate cleanser after the sads, here's the fic for you.

Thank you! <3

[mamuzzy]

MAMUZZY READS HARD CONTACT: Chapter 1.1

Heyyy, Chapter 1.1 is finally up! Why 1.1, because I talk a LOT and I exceeded the 30 picture/post limit by just talking about the starting scene with Darman. :D

So what you will find here today

-- Geonosis casualties -- Darman’s grief and survival guilt -- Differences and similarities between RepComm Clone Commando lore vs. TCW/TBB Clone Commando lore -- Clone Commando naming culture: nicknames in the military -- Bullies in the GAR: RepComm, TCW and TBB -- Psychology of a Clone Commando

Every chapter has an into quote from various characters throughout the series, and these little snippets usually provide additional lore, information, sometimes relevant somehow to the chapter, in other time it’s just curiosity.

Chapter 1 quote is a report post-Geonosis, where can get the estimated number of casualties the Republic suffered. According to the wookie (legends section), 192.000 clone troopers + 10.000 Clone Commandos + 6 Null ARCs were deployed in the battle.

So according to RepComm and other sources cited in wookie the casualties were… 12.000 seriously injured. 8000 trooper can walk it off. 72.000 remained battle ready. Rest of the troopers died. And out of the 10.000 Commandos, 4982 died in the battle.

Roughly 5000 commando. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I’m mean Jango Fett personally handpicks 100 training sergeant to train the most elite part of the army, the best of the best, those who are supposed to exceed standard troopers. And they were wiped out in the Battle of Geonosis. Just like that.

I was curious about the numbers of the Jedi causalties so I looked it up too. Roughly 200 Jedi participated in the battle. We know from the novelization of the AoTC that 100 Jedi was present with Mace Windu at the Arena battle, and only 20 survived + Windu. Jedi were even less prepared for a full-scale war scenario.

That’s how hard and unforgiving was the battle.

Going further in the first part of the chapter 1, we follow Darman who tries to deal with his survivor's guilt and grief.

Aside from the few glimpses the shows allow us to see, and unless it’s somehow tied to the plot, TCW don’t bother to show us the emotional part of the Clones. Single teardrops at most. But we never see them grieving, mourning their fallen brothers. TBB brought even further the emotional constipation where every potential conflict and in-fighting, expressing of inconvenient-to-others feelings, like sadness and anger were dealt with off-screen.

Most of the media try to choke you with the message that only a bad guy can make you cry, you will only have disagreements with bad guys, and healthy relationship is where you don’t encounter with the feeling of pain, feeling of disappointment toward people you love. While in truth, you feel pain and you feel disappointment, because you love someone.

So seeing Darman actually in pain really heals something in me. It heals me, because it didn’t depicted beautifully, or dignified or socially acceptable. It’s just it is. Raw. He is professional, damn confident during mission. Outside of it? Silent, but truly emotional. And not the beautiful kind. I love it. I love him so much.

It took one impolite bloke for him to snap.

He doesn’t deal with the loss well, not just because of the obvious loss of his pod-brothers (I truly love how the game compare the commando squads as aiwha pods in the intro). He lost everything he had. Safety and security of the presence of the very people who were there since decanting and now he is suddenly out here in the world, completely alone.

I already posted that quote in the prologue but I think it’s relevant here too.

I’m actually very bitter about how people can misinterpret this quote alone just because Kal says it. It’s doesn’t mean that a Clone Commando as a person and living being worths nothing. It means that these squads are trained to be extensions of each other. They trained together, they sleep together, they share meals together, they study together, and go into the battle together, and most importantly, they are very much encouraged to take care of each other and survive together.

If you remember the “Clone Cadets” episode with the Domino Squad (Season 3 Episode 1), the squad failed their first Citadel-test because they chose to leave their injured brother behind.

Darman still can’t accept the truth he already knows.

Survival's guilt is eating him alive ;____;

In this chapter we also see how Darman interacts with other troopers as well.

Not just he never been taught how to live apart. He had never been taught how to live with others. How to find comfort in the masses of his own face who are not his pod-brothers.

But the most heartbreaking…

Having a nickname is truly something sacred, it is something they own, probably the only thing they own, because they possess nothing: not even their weapon and armor is their. Not even their very lives. Having a name is truly something special for them.

A little trivia about how Darman got his name. While there is an in-universe explanation for it in Triple Zero, it’s actually an author blooper.

In-universe, it comes from the Dar’manda: A man without a soul. Manda is a spiritual and philosophical concept, a way of living. It can be the collective soul of the mandalorian people. Those Mandalorians who don’t live according to the Resol’nare and ignorant to their heritage is considered a dar’manda and with it, these people don’t have place in the mandalorian afterlife. And this fate is considered worse than death. Kal thinks, all the clones are dar’manda because they share genes with Jango Fett, they are mandalorians in blood, and yet they know nothing about their heritage.

Now in what alcohol-induced brainfuckery made Kal give this name to Darman is still a mistery to me, but I’d like to think he regrets it ever since. I think the reason behind the naming is actually came from the same sentiment like calling the clones wetdroids. Affection mixed with pity. But I also love the thought that Darman probably just went along with the name for whatever reason, but most likely out of spite. Like spitting in the face of the universe itself. Have I mentioned before I love Darman?

But also about nicknames in the military is an existing thing. Only you won’t get badass names like Boss, or Wolffe or Rex. There is a great probability that you will get a much more embarassing name, or something that reminds of a social fuck-up to haunt you for the rest of your life. I mean... why do you need enemies when you have brothers-in-arms. :D

The Domino Squad gave a name to Echo for constantly repeating orders. Hardcase for being hyper-active. Scorch got his name for burning down his own (and Vau’s) eyebrows during an explosion accident. Omega Squad experienced at first hand why the pilot, Psycho got his name.

It would be interesting to go behind every clone name and brainstorming about how they got their badass attribute names with the mentality of the real military. :D

I really loved this part. Nobody celebrated. They waited for this moment their entire life and nobody celebrated.

Darman still not giving up searching for his mates is still heartbreaking. A commander stepped to him and asked for his NUMBER and also was quite concerned that Darman didn’t answer.

And here Kal Skirata is mentioned!!! *___*

Aaaa so much good stuff in this chapter! Kal Skirata is mentioned here with his… questionable life-counseling advices, which is given with what background he came to Kamino, it’s actually fucking hilarious! Especially along with this one too

... OK HOLD ON.

Sorry, I had to. XDD

On more serious note, it made me wonder when you were created with an exact purpose, you don't stop and question that how else it could have been. When you were born with a role, and they provide you everything that can achieve that goal, it can give a certain comfort. Humans need comfort and safety and there is safety in stability and when there is someone who tell you what should you do.

As much as people wants to be individual and being in control of their lives, the opposite is also true: there is safety in giving out control to someone else.

Back to Darman, again mentioned how he was never prepared what will be without his pod. They trained by the best to be the best, and super highly competent soldiers shouldn’t just die and disappear like that from the existence, right?

And we actually get another interaction between Darman and a standard trooper, a little small talk about gears and weaponry, while the narrative gives us more lore about the upbringing of the commando squads.

Darman already mentioned that other troopers are all strangers to him, and this is also confirming that they were truly isolated. Commandos were trained to work as a four-men-army, but weren’t trained to work and socialize together with others.

I tried to pay attention to the tone here. I wonder if this envy is truly goes for the better gear and not for the sentiment that Darman has is so much better than CT-s.

And the commando’s life is much less valuable than his gear.

Standard troopers were the infantry, the ones who are constantly on the battlefield with highest mortality rate and often no chance to recover their gear. They won’t waste recourses on soldiers who can’t bring it the expensive equipment back intact.

But let’s see how this little small talk about gears and post-battle relief translated in Darman’s mind.

This section is actually really interesting. Because if Darman had some ideas what would a CT think about him, that would mean they weren’t THAT isolated. So they had a little connection. Meeting in the mess hall, or corridors, or seeing each other in the distance. This is only a speculation because we won’t get to know about it from this context. But there is a ground for such speculation, because in Triple Zero we actually get to know that standard troopers sing Vode An as their hymn, dancing the dha werda and understand a little mando’a which they learned from older troopers. Which allows me to think, that the isolation only narrowed down to the training.

WHAT we get to know about this section that Darman has prejudices and thinks that the other troopers has prejudices too. I find this really interesting in psychological aspect. Darman is truly a beautiful character to dissect.

I love how it was emphasized that he DIDN’T THINK he was arrogant. The line between absolute confidence in abilities and arrogance is often very thin.

We get a LOT of lore from this one passage alone. What tasks a Commando is suited for. The nature of training. Commandos trained with LIVE ROUNDS. No. Not the meaning of: Commando troopers had the privilege of using actual weapons with live rounds. No, it means that the training included fully armed enemies with actual weapons that could kill any commando at any moment if they were careless.

This is something that was completely erased from the Canon. I mean… why? To make the breeding of an artifical slave army look more humane? We saw the Dominio Squad training included these simmunitions (yey, I learned a new SW word today!!!), but also I don’t think that the Jedi would have allowed such harsh training continue that takes lives before their actual deployment. And we saw how the Bad Batch (more precisly Wrecker), despite being commandos, freaked out for Tarkin using live rounds against them at that examination. Sure, they aced it after they realized they actually have to take it seriously. But the reactions told me that using live rounds during training is not something usual.

Darman doesn’t seem to have superiority complex for me. More like he was truly aware of his own abilities. He didn’t think he was better because he wasn’t a standard trooper. He think he was better, because he trained hard for it. Fucking hard. Because we don’t see the trooper’s actual reaction, we don’t know what that envy is actually, it’s all Darman’s speculation.

BUT. Not every CTs are cool with the commandos. While searching for more lore, I encountered this quote from the game:

Bullying is not uncommon in the clone army.

Again, Domino Squad. They were verbally bullied by other squads for not perfoming well on the exams. Which is indicating a highly competitive environment with little to no reward. Oh. Yeah. There was reward. In Repcomm, a commando could live another day, because they actually survived. In TCW, the worst that could have happened with failed or defective trooper is being assigned to maintenance duty just like 99. I mean… 99 is the living proof that in TCW decomission by death and killing off defected units are also not a thing anymore.

TBB had actually physical bullying as well, guised as a stereotypical high school banter with foodfight. Kids shows usually don’t have the balls to depict actual bullying that cannot be solved by the power of friendship, or the victim cannot be comforted with the power of friendship. Also without making it as a joke. Don’t worry, I loved this scene, it was actually very hilarious. But the topic of bullying is really hits close to home. Kids are cruel in groups.

Also this scene where they wanted to make sure if there is something wrong with the regs:

Tech: Excuse me, Trooper, what division are you from- Trooper: *shoves him* Step aside. Tech: Well, they seem the same to me.

Not too much scene from TBB broke my heart but this one did. This could mean they were indeed ostracized and bullied even before the activation of the inhibitor chips.

I think TBB got inspired a lot from the clone lore of RepComm. In TCW the Bad Batch was close to the RepComm depiction of commandos, the confidence that scoured the the edges of arrogance, and usually they started all the bickerings, while CT-s (Jesse and Kix) were the ones with prejudices but they had some kind of professional respect for them.

In The Bad Batch, they were depicted as victims for being different, and CT-s didn’t have any professional respect for them. But TBB in general had writer inconsistencies because the batch behaved as the plot demanded: one time they are truly badasses, but most of the time they are totally incompetent even as a team, which totally throws out the whole Clone Commando four/five-man army mindset out of the window. (If someone is in doubt, I love the Bad Batch - The TCW version. The Bad Batch series is dead to me after season 2.).

Returning back to track, I think it is a common knowledge that Clone Commandos are treated more superior compared to CT-s. Only we, the readers know that this treatment doesn’t come with luxury life. What we know, that Clone Commandos were told they are special and they were destined to do a lot more than CT-s.

The Republic Commando game intro already told you this. (I transcribe it because I have picture limit/post. But also… No way I try to upload a video for a 2000+ words tumblr essay again :DDD)

Taun We: Welcome, little one. This is your first day. Your designation will be RC 01/138. Taun We: We expect great things from you. Taun We: …You have been born into dangerous times. A sharp mind can be the key to survival… Taun We: …but, as often as not, it will be you inherent physical traits that win the day. Taun We: And in that regard, you will be superior to your more common brethren. Taun We: For you are a commando, an elite unit, something truly special. Taun We: Your weapons. Your armor. But most importantly, your brothers. Taun We: The Aiwha of our world hunt in pods to bring down much larger prey. So too shall you join with three brothers and become fierce hunters for the Republic. Taun We: … Now join your pod and embrace your destiny as their leader. Join Delta Squad.

I’ve found another quote from Kal Skirata about their training:

And here is one from Walon Vau.

According to these quotes, Clone Commandos were taught to think this way. Not just they are better than standard clones, they are better than any natborn soldiers ever lived.

If I remember correctly (if I had found the exact quotes in the books, I will return to this), Kal’s training method explicitly included that the commandos (and Null ARCs) had to believe they are capable of everything, so they will push forward even when all the odds are against them. You would think this is truly naive, “you can do it if you believe in yourself” but Kal used psychological conditioning to make them tougher, stronger in mind, more confident while also exposed them to such training exercises where they could prove those not just empty words.

While Walon was more physical in his methods that often was considered torture. If they could survive Walon’s training, they could survive EVERYTHING. They wouldn’t fear an enemy because Walon Vau is always worse. If they fuck up a mission, Walon Vau comes after them, even after Vau is not in the picture.

Found another quote from Darman, which confirms that Clone Commandos are considered much more valuable than any other troopers.

Clone Commandos were put into cryostasis between missions so they won’t age and they won’t wear out. I don’t think there is anything enviable about the Clone Commandos.

In the last part of Darman’s scene, we get more of his survivor’s guilt.

...

And I put the last one in quote because I exceeded the limit. I can't even use the divider again. :D

So this was the aftermath of victory. He wondered how much worse defeat might feel.

And I think I’ll cut this short here. This chapter still includes the first appearance of Etain Tur-Mukan, our second protagonist, and the introduction of Fi and Niner so I will write about the continuation in a separate post. ^^

[alexandrarosa]

First love

First of all I don’t remember the last time I’ve loved something this much. I think it wouldn’t be an exaggeration if I said it was the best thing I’ve ever watched.

I absolutely loved the characters and their development. I loved how the plot was shown in nonlinear time – thanks to which we could really see the whole story from different perspectives.

I loved the ending and even though it was such a happy one, it kind of wrecked me. And I absolutely have to post my whole analysis of the show because ‘First Love’ is the only thing I’ve been able to think about for the past three days.

(spoiler alert!)

Yae Noguchi

The first character we meet seems like the nicest person in the world. Of course we don’t know her tragic backstory then but we can feel there is some mysterious lingering in her preception of the world around her. She’s a single mother, she works hard day and night. We slowly get to know everything about her life and honestly it’s all so sad. I mean her relationship with Harumichi is lovely. I adore how she sees him as the wild one compared to her. She has her dreams and she’s so invested in all the things she does. She’s courageous – she’s the one who confesses her feelings first (and my beloved dumbass Harumichi doesn’t even get it). She is ready to work hard to get what she wants. She got into university and I think she was really happy there. Of course then the worst happens. And I feel like that accident was the beginning of the most miserable period of her life. She’s always been ambitious, she had plans. And all of the sudden she’s reduced to being a stay-at-home mother and a housewife. Her husband, who seemed like a good guy, turns to be, well, an asshole. His mother treats her horribly. They have no respect for her. She’s kind of treated like housekeeper more than a part of the family. So she struggles, but becames herself again – and takes the control back. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, she has to work night and day. But she’s ready to do it. And she loves her son unconditionally, she’s ready to give him everything he needs. And when he needs to have better care – she’s ready to give him up even though it kills her. She gets back on her feet, she moves away from her mother.

I absolutely love Yae. I love how determined she is, I adore that she really tries, even though she has no hope for herself. And I love that she’s ready to do everything she feels she should.

Yae’s dreams

Something that makes me really sad is that she has to wait for so long to actually make her dreams come true. She has always known what she wanted to do in life, but couldn’t accomplish it for twenty years. She feels like a person with no past cannot have a future. And that’s how she sees herself –she lost so many precious things – not only love and memories, but also (or maybe mainly) the abilities to do what she wants. She didn’t graduate. She was a housewife so she had no experience in any kind of work. Yae from before the accident had the whole world standing open before herself. Yae after the accident has limited choices and no hope for a change.

But it’s so sad that she’s losing it all and her mother does nothing. She’s grieving after a perfect daughter she’s lost like she’s the actual victim. Yae’s mother let her own grief and pain hurt her daughter. She was blaming Harumichi for the accident, because he wasn’t able to protect her. And because of that she punished them both. She made Harumichi believe for so many years that he’s the responsible one. She forced him to dissapear from Yae’s life, she would let her know about him. She preferred the surgeon guy because he had more money. She’s hoping she made the right choice - but honestly she didn’t. She shouldn’t have been making the choices at all. They were not hers to made.

What makes me so angry is that Yae never got back to the university. I wonder why her mother never encouraged her. I’m angry that she had to through all that pain just because her mother decided what’s best for her.

But nothing makes me happier than those small parallels. Teenage Yae greeting imaginary passengers on their flight to Reykiavik and adult Yae being a flight attendant in Iceland. Teenage Harumichi saying that he’s going to be a pilot with a beautiful flight attendant as a wife and they ending up flying together at the end. Their dreams really did come true at the end.

Harumichi Namiki

The literal love of my life. I mean this is the guy who becomes your fictional crush and makes every guy in reality look sad. He’s the epiphany of taking control ovet your own life. And an exellent example of ‘you can’t change him but he will change for you if he cares’ and honestly, damn. Their origin story, their meet cute, whatever you want to call it – my dude was swept off his feet. He saw a girl reading a book and he decided to change his entire life for her. It was, as he stated, laughably easy. He went from a textbook badboy to learning nonstop for several weeks because of the chance he saw on the horizon. He would do absolutely everything for her. He became a pilot for her. His whole life was dedicated to her. She was the energy that fueled his life.

And then she got ripped away from his life completly abruptly. And then at the slightest chance of finding her again – he regained all hope.

I love how he always states that he believes in fate but at the same time he knows that he can’t just sit and wait for the good fings to happen. He uses any chance life throws at him. And everything he could control – he did.

Harumichi’s character development

What’s interesting about Harumichi is a long way he came during his life. From a badboy to a wild student to the military cadet and pilot to the security guard. I love how visible it is that his main reason of being is protecting others. From protecting his sister to protecting Yae and his country. But what’s also worth mentioning is his belief in love – or actually – the way he loves. We see him as a teenager, eager to give love, full of energy. Then, as an adult, we see him with Tsunemi – he’s more conscious, more careful. Less involved. I thought it’s just something that comes with age. But then he finds Yae again and all his energy and involvement come back. I feel like for those twenty years he was passive about his life and work and love. I’m sure he cared for Tsunemi but she couldn’t wake that flame inside of him. And then he became active again because he regained the hope for reuniting with Yae again. And I’m not even sure if it had a romantic purpose at the beginning. I don’t think he wanted to break up with Tsunemi just because he saw Yae. But then it turned out that he didn’t have a choice – Tsunemi wasn’t the one. Maybe in a world without Yae she would do, but not in this reality. That’s why I don’t think that Harumichi broke up with her to be with Yae. I think he thought he had to because he couldn’t love her as he should have.

Their love

I love how Yae’s and Harumichi’s relationship is actually so calm and peaceful. They don’t argue. They don’t have that will-they-won’t-they dynamic. They just love each other and it’s completly pure. I also love the scene after the end credits when they are shown together while walking. Notice how Harumichi constantly grabs her hand, touches her, kisses her. Like he’s afraid that if he doesn’t hold her she’ll disappear. And she’s so happy that he’s back in her life. That there is somebody that really actually loves her. Geeez, I’m so happy that they found each other.

The role of fate and the role of timing

Fate is a tricky thing – some people sit and wait for the good things to happen. But it seems like the characters from the ‘First Love’ know it doesn’t work that way. Yes, you can call it fate that Harumichi saw Yae on the train and then again in the exam room. But everything he did later came from him. He took care of everything that was in his control. And when there was nothing more to do, he had to let fate work again – and it did. They went to the same high school. Fate worked again twenty years later sending them both to Sapporo and making them, in a way, cross their paths. And yet again Harumichi didn’t wait for fate to reunite them. He was listening to the taxi announcements for hours for god’s sake! Life (or fate – whatever you want to call it) gave him the chance to rescue her this time and he did, hurting himself in the process.

The fate did it again with Uta finding Harumichi in Iceland, but Yae actively chose to find him. She made her own choice not waiting for a coincidence.

What’s also worth mentioning is that Harumichi actively played the role of ‘fate’ for Tsuzuru and Uta – he made it possible for them to meet.

The worst part of all that is timing. And we know that timing is a bitch.

So many important things happend in the wrong moment. Harumichi coming to Yae only to find out that she’s pregnant. Yae falling in love with him again when he was engaged. Her confessing her feelings after he decided to take a break and go away. Yae regaining her memories only after Harumichi left. Her deciding to take back control of her life and dreams and pandemic streaking.

But at the same time so many good things happened because of the bad timing – for example Harumichi’s leaving let Tsuzuru find the CD player that gave Yae her memories back. If he had never decided to leave she might have not get them back.

For such a long time I was trying to understand why he didn’t want to be with her when she confessed her feelings. But I think I get it now. He would have to live knowing she doesn’t remember a big part of their shared history. And I think it could be heart shattering. He had to actively choose to leave her again despite their shared love for each other because it would be more painful for him to be with her even though it’s the thing he wanted his whole adult life.

And then she regains her memories. And she comes after him. And my little heart is so happy and sad at the same time when I think of all the things they had to live through to find each other again. But at the same time all that happend – good or bad – made it possible.

The normal life shown in the series

I think it’s something worth mentioning. Every person in the show has their own normal life. And I think it’s so important that the role of the characters isn’t reduced to the love story only. We see them working, eating, partying, cooking, studying, even commuting to work. It seems so natural but at the same time I feel like the western fil/show makers sometimes forget that the normal life is also worth exploring and showing. Characters crying and then going to work in the morning like nothing happened. Cooking for loved ones. Sitting with a giant plushie (another reason for my love for that dude). The mention of living in the pandemic! Seeing it from perspective actually made me cry because I got reminded of that period that I actually struggled with. And so did Yae. It’s so precious to me to see characters being normal people.

The music

I feel like the song ‘First Love’ will always make me cry from now on. It always played in such moments in the show that it now gives me the lingering feeling of sadness and happiness at the same time anytime I hear it. And for that I am eternally grateful.

All in all, loved the show. It’s the best thing I’ve ever seen. If it was a book I would literally sleep with it underneath my pillow (like Alexander the Great with his copy of Illiad). I can’t believe I accidentally discovered such a treasure. If you didn’t watch it yet I cannot recomment it enough. If you did – you know what I mean.

[thebeastofblackmoor]

Hi hi hello Cambria here on my main blog I have zero braincells to add any thoughts to this message but what are your Clara Thornton thoughts specifically I loved your comic so so much and that you even thought to make comparison between her and that phenomenon with birds it is so unnerving and also the panel at the end with Jackson and her having the same expression ….. AAHHH anyways. I am always here to talk about Clara and GTH if you have more thoughts this is me asking you to please share them and I will listen

OH MY GOD THANK YOU ily cambria GOD i wish we knew more concrete stuff about her childhood so that there was more to discuss. like surely there was some real and not just perceived form of alienation between Clara herself and her cousins' family when she was taken to live there, but we don't get any evidence of it in the game which I think is just tragic. Like it doesn't seem like something Clara would ever mention organically because of her desire to appear strong, Harper probably wouldn't mention it because she might have been too young or naive to pick up on it, and Wade probably never knew that such tensions even existed.

Like by all accounts Roger and Marie were great people and parents, but given their demanding jobs, the fact that they already had two children, and the fact that they presumably didn't have much info on grief and trauma and how to guide children through it, it's very possible they were just never there for Clara in the same way they were there for their own kids. I mentioned in another post that because grief in children surrounding parental loss often comes with a lot of resentment, it's possible that young Clara pushed herself away from her new family, and they just didn't know how to respond to that, didn't know how normal it was, and thus never treated her as one of them. I want to know so badly what they did, no matter how well-intentioned, that would leave Clara feeling like she'd ever be pushed out of the family after being taken in by them as an actual child and living with them for 8+ years. That would be a seriously major insult after being brought up with them!!!

Or was it because of the possible incest thing? Lately I'm back to thinking that that may have actually been intentional from the writers!

Idk this story is just sooo complex and rich and I'm honestly both glad it exists in a Nancy Drew game so that the dark parts can be understated and we can imagine our own backstories and also sad that it has to be so limited because I would also read a full novel or watch a whole Netflix original series about the Thorntons of Blackrock.

I also wish we got more info about the eventual reconciliation of the Thornton family. To what level was Clara a part of that? If she wasn't, and all her lifelong fears were confirmed at the end of the game, that would be really tragic. It would make sense, since her manipulation of Harper and Wade may have left their relationships far beyond repair, but god wouldn't that be a sad corruption story? And did Clara go to jail for what happened in 1989? (I kind of doubt it, given her socioeconomic status, the fact that the fire was so many years ago and may have been entirely accidental, etc., but who knows.)

But then, by the end of the game, Jessalyn is at the core of the family, not Clara or Harper or Wade, and she seems to have a lot of love and forgiveness for her mother. And maybe Clara could start to become a new person now that she's not being burdened by this horrible secret and if she sees that she will always have at least some of her family! I love a story whose theme is that it's never too late to change, and that shows that change comes because of love and support!

Do they all do holidays together? Does Jessalyn ever drag them all on tropical family vacations, even though Harper doesn't really like her cousins, Wade sees maybe an hour of sunlight per year, and Clara hasn't had fun in twenty years?? Do Harper and Clara try to kill each other with carving knives on Thanksgiving? I just need so much more on this deeply fucked up but also very funny family.

[tea-blankets-andstars]

Darksun au but its my girl

Barty being Vada- having a father that just doesnt do enough, being sorounded by death and acting chill but is actually really scared, wanting a normal childhood but for some reason something always goes wrong

James being Thomas J. - a only child with overprotective parents, always pushing the limits of what people say he can do, always a dreamer and excited for the future

so what im thinking is that they would be a little older then in My Girl -instead of 11 they would be 13 or 14

at first barty would find james weird but eventually they would become really good friends, with barty being kinda mean but thats just how he shows his love (like vada), they would tell eachother everything and they deffently did the blood brothers thing like in the movie

James starts crushing on barty but keeps his feelings hidden because this is one of the first friendships hes had. then one day barty kisses james- in the willow tree ofc- and they start this sort of cautious relationship, hidden kisses, shoulder brushes, ect. Even without "all that romantic stuff" they still were like two halfs of the same soul- or soulmates, whatever you wanna call it.

barty had a necklace with his moms ring on it which was really important to him - like Vada's moodring- but the chain broke when they were exploring the woods and he lashed out at james because it was James' idea to go into the woods. So even though they were fighting james still went into the woods to try and find the necklace because he knew how much it ment- and frankly he would do anything for barty.

Just as james finds the necklace hes not paying attention and walks straight into a bee hive -he was alergic to bees. he trys to run but there are too many bees and sadly he dies. (why do i do this to myself 😭)

cut to the funeral where barty sits on the stairs and watches as people say things about james, but only the james they knew and never the real one. Barty knew that james loved kiwis. Barty knew that james couldnt ride a bike but still said he could. Barty knew that james wanted to be an acrobat. Barty knew james.

tears flodded his eyes as he ran down the stairs and into the room where james' body lie. He saw James' face covered in tiny bee stings.

"funny joke, Jams" he whispered, "everyone belives you, you can get up know."

he knew that james was dead but he couldnt bring himself to belive it, why would james leave him?

A hand rested on bartys shoulder "Bartimus" it was Euphemia Potter, she was smiling but it was a sad smile, a i-know-you-loved-him-but-he-is- gone-now smile. For some reason, maybe grief, that made him angry, and he wanted to lash out, to scream.

But the anger didnt last long and instead he was filled with this horribe saddness that made him wonder if he was going to die right next to james.

"Wanna go tree climbing, Jams?" he sobbed, grabbing the cold skin of the other boy. He turned his face to Euphemia, "his face hurts! and where are his glasses? he cant see without his glasses!" He was grabbed by his father as he and kicked and screamed, "put his glasses on!" he wailed, "put on his glasses! He was gonna be an acrobat!"

anyways yeah i think thats it T•T  



[msfbgraves]

(when Michael assured him that the omega, Anna, was never with Terry's pup and was now mated to a Chicago musician, with young pups of her own.)

You did NOT just allude to Terry McCain and Anna from Excessive Force!! GASP. So clever!! It all makes sense now, she really was the really beautiful female version of Daniel. I guess Terry Silver made such a huge impression on her that she had to marry his long-lost twin lol. Happy ending I guess…? At the same time it shows that though Terry was so disgustingly inebriated, he still went for the closest thing that resembled Daniel. Says a lot.

(As for Terry's people - everyone who didn't know does now, and that was excruciating... but they were all on his side.)

I’m dumb, but I’m kinda confused at the working here—when you say they were all on his side, do you mean on Terry’s side or Daniel’s?

I hate that so many people know about Terry’s infidelity (and no one except Anna knows how far it really went…ARGH. But I am glad he didn’t do all this when Daniel was with pup, that would have made it EVEN WORSE. And that Anna didn’t get knocked up. THE HORROR. Thanks for snooping, Michael! It does make me sad that things weren’t normal between Daniel and Terry for months after the 16th anniversary fail-night. I guess it shows how worried and hurt Daniel really was by all this, plus the added stress of not knowing if Terry got someone else pregnant.

If Terry had, and Michael had found out, how would Daniel feel? What would he do, what would Terry do?

Do the older pups know that Daddy cheated on Mama?

Love that Danny boy had his Name Day celebration and everyone came out in support. Baby boy <333 T_T Hope Terry felt ashamed and horrible <333

My bad - everyone who heard about Terry's cheating at the wake was on Daniel's side. Jaysis, what a mess, so it was! Drink and grief is a terrible combination that way. You can't even blame the poor fella who forgot himself, can you?

I don't think Terry would have done all this had Daniel been with pup, he would have been attacking his own pup, evolutionary speaking that would have put the brakes on. I think Alphas have the same brutal instinct as we do in wartime, that getting an 'enemy' omega or beta woman with pup is a power move, but assaulting your own pregnant women and omegas is too horrible to think about. I feel that people are collectively most protective of visibly pregnant women (and indeed most aggressive towards them when they are battle mad).

But he wasn't with pup.

Also, part of the 'months' mentioned was before the anniversary, but yeah - do we expect him to take everything? Nice deflection of Terry attacking his supposed lack of loyalty, but Daniel is right, keep doing this and even his capacity forgiveness may hit a limit. Peversely, Terry may have been right not telling him, because had he known straight away, Daniel might have nodded when the Don suggested murder.

This is, also, why his family didn't mention anything before. Michael has known about Anna for years, as has Pop. No way they didn't keep tabs on Terry from the second sweet Daniele turned up on their doorstep. It's the first thing the Don ordered Michael to do after putting the fear of God in him - damage control. The further damage being Anna, and had she been with pup, to 'take care of it', make her disappear. When they knew she wasn't with pup, they would have gotten her out of NYC except that John Kreese was ahead of them there. (John would not have had Terry's pup killed, because Terry. Michael would absolutely have had Terry's pup killed, because Terry.)

If Terry had and Michael would have found out, what would Daniel feel? What is there to feel, Daniele? She died before anyone could ever be sure. Yes, an accident, Piccino, those things happen. Don't torture yourself, you know kitties like this meet the wrong people, they are strung out on God knows what sometimes. Did we have anything to do with it? Daniele, baby, it's none of our business. And would any Alpha kill their own pup? Of course not.

Do you swear, Michael?!

Don't insult me. I know you're in pain, Piccino. But don't insult me. Come here, now, give me a hug. It's over, you'll be fine, I promise.

Had Terry found out about a potential pup he would have had to go directly against Michael stop it and Amanda was busy enough thwarting several "accidents" that could have befallen Terry in Sicily as it was. He would have lost, he knows he would have lost, and Terry might feel some kind of primal ache at the idea but he never would have risked it. It's a cold world he lives in.

But! Anna is alive and happily mated and out of the business, she and her mate run a bar. Apparently the guy got kicked out of the force but like Michael cares. Chicago is not their turf, Terry handles new markets.

Do the older pups know Terry cheated on Mama? It's the biggest open secret in the world, but even Eli has enough self control to not even hint at it, especially after Sam had that little talk with Daddy. They were too young, and people say things when they're drunk. We DO NOT TALK about it, Anthony, shut up. No. Shut up! I don't care what you heard, who said anything anyway, I'll shut that bastard up for you. Oh, no, don't? Then stop trying to be clever, little egg, you weren't even alive yet.

I...don't think Terry feels easily ashamed in spite of it all. He has that sureness of his convictions that is just this side of quite sane. He's not sorry he's done it, he's sorry about the effect he's had. He wouldn't have been ashamed if he'd never been found out. Again, you couldn't go around murdering people if you weren't somehow above what other people want in your own mind. So that nameday celebration? He knows why and yet he takes it completely at face value in demeanor. Of course they should celebrate his mate. They should have sooner, come to think of it.

[shai-manahan]

This story reminds me a lot of monster in the best way possible The way you thread stories and characters is very good. By any chance have you read monster or any other manga and if so do you have any recs? If not then I highly reccomend it, I think you'll really like it.

Monster happens to be my favorite manga 😳

In all honesty, that story still has a place in my heart even today, so much so that I even based some of Owen's personality from Tenma lmao. But I didn't realize it captures the same mood as well! You've got no idea how much happy I was that HM has been compared to Monster for the second time now.

Monster was the best I've seen in terms of a story combining the twists and turns along the plot with the development of the characters--I didn't even think Eva would be so interesting right at the end--and, well, I suppose I have the same goals for writing HM.

Sadly, I haven't been reading manga lately, and I feel like Monster is really just on a league of its own (or maybe I've just forgotten what I've read before) but I do have a couple of recs! Please keep in mind that I have read most of these stories at a time when I wasn't exactly quite of age yet, so there might be some here that doesn't portray its themes as well as I once thought.

Pluto - This is the author's other work, actually! It's about a robot detective who's trying to find the perpetrator behind the continuing robot and human deaths. The story's not as good as Monster's, but it's also thought-provoking, and the depths of the characters are magnificently shown through limited panels. Naoki also has this one called 20th Century Boys but I haven't checked it out yet.

Parasyte - So, this one's a psychological horror, and I remember it being one of the few that got me thinking a lot about societal norms and the concept of altruism vs selfishness. It's sad--some of the scenes really got to me--and full of contradictions, yet somehow everything about it is beautiful. I haven't checked out the anime, though, so I'm not sure how different it would be, but there are exactly three scenes in the manga that will always haunt me.

Boku Dake Ga Inai Machi - I remember being surprised at how serious the themes were for a manga that partially centered on the lives of children. It got too heavy for me at times as a teenager, mostly because some of the scenes in there hit too close to home, but everything from the mystery to the characters were all brilliant! I'd highly advise you to be wary of the content warnings, though, as it really doesn't shy away from showing those.

To Your Eternity - I actually haven't finished this one, but only because I lost someone at the time when I was reading it, but I think it handles the concept of grief and survival quite well. Cried at the beginning 10/10.

A few webtoons that may be worth reading as well:

Gepetto

Bastard

Sweet Home (I'm sorry but the live adaptation doesn't do it justice)

Dark Mortal

[beevean]

Here what I think about the whole situation: the fact that " Sonic can't cry " is a misunderstanding and I explain because , Sonic can't cry in front of everyone because himself don't like show his tears(grief; sadness;angry etc..) in front of everyone if should cry he would run miles away for cry without let somelse notice as for example in Prime when they have circumvented again this thing when Sonic was moved for the Sea dog also if in a funny way and in fact they've circumvented this thing in a genius way as X has make at his time. For what I've see and understand to this point is : " Sonic can feel hate ; pure angry ; pain ; can cry (also if the brain is shared) but in a sort of limits or at least when nobody watch him " what do you think?

I think that people were spoiled by Archie where Sonic did cry much more liberally, to the point that some panels had to be redrawn, and now they think that Sonic's stoicness is yet another evil SEGA mandate.

Sonic has canonically hated tears since Sonic Jam. Whether is its own tears or the ones of other people we don't know, but both interpretations make sense. Sonic hates seeing people sad, and tries his best to cheer them up; he's also a rather private, introverted person despite his warm personality, so he wouldn't openly weep. Even then, I'm sure that if Sonic Battle had better animation, we would have seen him downright desperate in the ending :( you're really telling me that you didn't feel Sonic's pain just because he didn't have a crying sprite?

Also, not to be that person, but people also forget that Japanese culture is more stoic than the general Western culture. So, maybe don't imply that crying is the most valid way to show emotions?

(you're free to add how Sonic did shed tears once in Sonic X, so even the Japanese writers understand that you can use tears sparingly for greater impact :P)

That's all. Not everything you don't like is because of mean SEGA not making your headcanons valid. Some characters, and some people while we're at it, are just like that.

[sociopath-analysis]

Sociopath Profile: Su-Na Lee

From the manga series Freezing (2007-2018*) and its anime adaptation (2011-2013) Voiced by Fuku Saito (JP) and Mary Morgan (EN) *Series is on indefinite hiatus*

[SPOILERS BELOW]

Su-Na is actually a rather self-aware sociopath. She has noted that she has never really felt emotions like sadness or grief and kinda felt alienated because of it. And this isn’t just some simple “I wanna be normal” case of not feeling emotions. She believes the best Pandora is an emotionless killing machine that can crush weaker enemies without hesitation.

And before the Busters Arc, she was able to keep a lid on it by appearing to be a good role model and a generally upbeat and friendly person. She was even encouraging the other Pandora. However, she felt nothing towards any of them. The most she felt is that they were a hindrance to her. Fellow sociopath Isuzu pointed out that Suna was relieved when her Limiter died. She even devised a plan to trick Isuzu into taking him and often referred to her partner as “it.”

During the Busters Arc, the mask slips and it is revealed that she can be very violent and sadistic. And even before that during training in the Genetics Program, her bloodlust could slip from time to time in the heat of battle. This led to her considering killing one of the Pandora trainees instead of just sparing them.

The only real attachment to anyone that she has is Gengo and that’s only because she thought that he was a sociopath as well. Even still, he was incredibly loyal to him. Despite being one of the highest-ranked Pandora in the Chevalier program, she held no loyalty to it and only took orders from Gengo. While it could be argued that it’s becoming more genuine, this attachment is based on the fact that she thought he understood her experiences. So it’s ultimately based on something relating to her.

But Su-Na is also very protective of Gengo. However, as I said before, it’s more related to him being with her. She gets jealous easily when she finds out someone is getting a little too friendly with him. And she mostly wanted him to show her how to fit in with society when she believed him to also be a sociopath. Again, kind of a self-serving motivation.

And her lack of empathy is evident in her loyalty to Gengo. Odd as that sentence may sound, it means that she’s capable of doing some pretty terrible things under his orders if she has to. For example: attacking civilians in the Valkyrie Arc.

Female Sociopath List

[crush3dmary]

Fic meme. Stolen, sorry.

Rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to ao3. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics.

I'll put it under a cut because I feel like it will get long.

Making of life a forged painting (YGO) I put the lyrics to Sprig by Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton at the beginning, but here's the first few lines otherwise.

Malik knew grief; after all, he'd spent a lifetime in its throes. 

He grieved a life lost to the chains of his lineage, he grieved family who wanted more than he could give. It was a shroud that enveloped him like the darkness of the tombs, but in perfect congruence, it had the familiarity of a lover all the same. 

Fitting, then, that he'd end up grieving the only one he ever desired. 

2. Dreamcrusher (Tales of Crestoria)

You’ve always been a strong kind of weak, and it’s a contradiction of a metaphor that fits your personality. Your family is poor and meagre, an endless toil through mud and dirt on the farms, but it’s all you’ve ever known as your hands fall into place with the motions of labour and strain. When night falls fast, you hold your siblings close, as being the youngest of three means you seek protection, affirmation, sanctity. You find yourself wishing for more, for a life that isn’t chosen for you, and deep down a part of you hates. The hatred is personal, but you will never let it show.

3. [solipsist] (YGO) from C0NTAGI0N

Bakura could no longer remember his first death. He knew it was the hands of a bestial Pharaoh, and the moments prior were etched into his memory like the carvings of a tomb. An incineration like a supernova, the rupturing of his skin's topography. But, of course, how many times he died following would depend on how one defined death to begin with. 

4. A Generation of Ghosts (Tales of Symphonia)

Zelos could still remember the first day she came to the manor. It was the day of his fifth birthday—the twenty-eighth day of the second month of the Tethe’allan calendar, and hardly a moment past two in the afternoon. The priests woke him early for a ceremonial brunch in the city’s heart and lungs to celebrate—his meal took longer to arrive than most for reasons he’d only find out years later, when a guard’s body dropped to the ground following the obligatory taste-test, normally performed out of his sight—but really, those kinds of events were never held for him, anyways. That much he knew, even at his tender age.

5. [saudade] (YGO) from C0NTAGI0N

Dear Amane , 

Things have been very strange lately…  

6. a violent history of benevolence (Tales of Crestoria)

Sometimes half-hearted kindness is crueler than nothing at all. Aegis stood at attention with a fist draped over his heart, guarding his station by Rebecca’s chambers just as he had been assigned. He wasn’t quite facing her at his post by the open door, choosing instead to spare her glances from the limits of his vision while she stared through the stained-glass windows into the night sky.

7. Glass houses, and all. (Tales of Symphonia)

When all was said and done, Zelos always knew he'd end up unhappy. 

Well, it wasn't quite the end, he supposed. Not yet. But he knew the game and how to play it, the same song and dance that left him embarrassingly close to self-consciousness on the best of days, and strange, sad, and utterly alone at worst. He knew he'd end up unhappy because he'd always been unhappy. The pipeline from a child who'd grown up in a hurry to an adult who killed the only part of him that feels.

8. chiaroscuro (Tales of Crestoria)

misellus (feminine misella, neuter misellum); first/second-declension adjective

Diminutive of miser (“poor, wretched”)

9. Morningstar (Tales of Crestoria)

When Aegis met Vicious, he learned to dance with the devil. “Find the Great Transgressor,” the King had told him, “and don’t come back until you bring me his head.” When he heard those words, he expected to meet a monster, someone barely human and only beast, ready to bare his claws and rend flesh from bone. He pictured a pointed tongue and sharpened teeth, something that spewed venom and poisoned to the touch. He pictured monster. He pictured beast.

Surely, that was the last thing he found.

10. Absurdities and Echoes (Tales of Symphonia) - this will be updated very soon. Very very very soon. Please sit tight.

“For how could I help you? I’ve no cure for happiness.”

- Anna Akhmatova

[annieintheaair]

Another aeroplane, another sunny place, I'm lucky, I know, but I wanna go home.

They say you can’t go home again, but that’s not always true.

Takeoffs and landings are like beginnings and endings. Maybe you’re going on a fun trip and you’re really excited. You touch down at your destination and it’s filled with so much promise. Maybe that destination is home, where you grew up. You don’t want to move back but you’re so excited to be there with your family and things you love back there. When the trip ends, you head home and you land there, partially sad that your trip is over but also super excited to be at your home.

I’ve felt a lot of conflicting emotions over the last few months. One minute I’m excited and motivated to pack boxes and the next I’m sobbing because even though I knew this time was coming, in the process it took a lot of time to get to this point. At times, it almost didn’t feel real. Some days I couldn't wait to move and others, I'm home crying because I love my house so much.

I’m looking forward to moving back to my old neighborhood but also feeling really sad and somewhat disappointed that this “new life” I was trying out didn’t work out as I had hoped. Maybe that’s partially my fault but I felt like I really did try and I did find things I love on this side of the metroplex, just not enough to stay. Sometimes I feel like I don’t really belong anywhere. I’m so nervous about making the wrong decision that I’ve put off making any decision at all these last few months. Since part of me feels like I made the wrong choice to move out here last year, part of me also doesn’t trust my decisions anymore. What if I make the wrong choice again?

I’m trying to think of the positives. I’m looking forward to being back at the pool with my neighbors and walking my dogs on our favorite trails. I’m excited for my commute to work to be shorter again and to have less stress about my job and my dogs, knowing that my dog sitter is nearby. I’m excited to be able to go to church again on the weekends instead of watching from my TV at home or watching on a screen at a church nearby. Lots of my favorite restaurants are there too, and most of all, I’m excited to be back closer to friends.

I think this year has changed me in a lot of ways. I don’t feel like the person I was when I moved out here 14 months ago. Since being here, I’ve gotten back into sewing because activities locally were so limited. I’ve learned to go to restaurants and wineries alone and even just be ok with being alone at home often. I even ventured out to doing hot yoga and while I don’t love it, I will miss the instructors and their classes.

I’ve seen three different therapists since I’ve been in this town and worked through some parts of me that I’ve struggled to deal with for years. I’ve learned that in order to heal from grief, you have to allow yourself to feel grief. I’ve grieved in many ways this year— grief for my old life, grief for the car that flooded, grief for losing Dan, and grief for the life I thought I was running towards. I have really learned how to be ok alone and process my grief, and even though it can be really sad, it’s also a really good thing.

I guess part of me is sad to be moving back to my old neighborhood all alone. I remember moving into my first Texas apartment, thinking that would be my last “single girl” apartment. I’m now laughing at 25 year old me who lived in three Texas apartments and now going on three houses. I’m not at all where I thought I’d be nearly ten years ago.

Grief changes you— it makes you appreciate everything more; it makes you want to hold onto things instead of letting go or risking losing them. Grief breaks you apart and allows you to find a new way to put yourself back together again. Grief shows you what is really important.

In the process of preparing for this move, I’ve had a lot of friends, primarily from work, offer to help me. This year, especially the last few months, allowed me to actually form good friendships at work. My focus really shifted this year and changed how I felt about going to work.

I started writing this post while I was at work on Friday night and my eyes couldn't help but water with emotion. I barely slept all night at the hotel because I was so nervous and anxious.

When I got home from work Saturday morning, I knew I needed to load up the car and head out to my new place to sign my lease and get my keys but I was literally sick to my stomach, feeling super nauseous. I didn't know if I was hungry or just nervous. I laid on my bedroom floor, tears in my eyes once again, worried about my decision. I nearly texted my new landlord to back out of the whole thing but instead texted her to see if we could meet later in the afternoon and luckily, she was flexible.

I ended up slowly loading up my car and around 11:30am, I headed out with my dogs. Since we were in the area super early, we walked around the Fresh Market and I got a Greek frappe. I still had time after that so I met Matt at Katy Trail Ice House. We hung out there until nearly 4pm when we went over to meet my new landlords.

I signed my lease, got my keys, and then Matt had to leave for a bit so I quickly changed into my swimsuit and ran out my backdoor to meet my neighbors and Marx at the pool. We stayed there for a few hours, drinking and catching up, and eventually went back to their house to dance, play beer pong, and just hang out. By the time I headed back home, it was maybe around 2am and Matt came back to hang out for a bit before I finally went upstairs to bed around 4:30am and laid down by 5 after taking a shower. My air mattress had a hole so it kept deflating and I'd wake up about every 30min., flat on the floor, needing to reinflate it. I didn't get a very good quality of sleep.

Around 10am, I woke up, took some Advil, and went back to sleep until noon. It was a rainy morning so it was nice to be inside and lazy. I got ready and went to the dog store to find something to relieve Ellie's car anxiety. I stopped at Clean Juice for a smoothie and breakfast wrap. When I got back to the house, I did some work for my other job and then met my neighbors and Marx at Union Bear for lunch. We ended up going to see Twisters and by the time that was over, it was around 9pm and I ran back to the house to pick up the dogs and head back to my other house. That long drive is miserable at night, especially when you're tired.

Coming home, after this weekend, I still have so many conflicting feelings. I had a really great weekend back in my old neighborhood with my old neighbors and felt at home again but I wish my mom would stop questioning my decisions and acting like she's always disappointed in me. I can't help all of the guilt I feel about having let them buy this house and moving out here in the first place but I have had a really lonely year and deep down, I know I need to do what's best for me. After struggling with my depression 14 years ago, I always get really worried whenever I start to feel overly sad. I never want to be in that place again and I wish that was a concern for other people as well. My goal is to never go back down that path again because it was the ultimate low point in my life. When I feel like I'm slipping, I know I need to do whatever I can to get back on track.

I'm still praying that I made the right choice but this weekend gave me a lot of reassurance that it's going to be okay and I can be happy again.

xoxo

Annie

[tyrannuspitch]

okay. endgame thoughts. the scene in new asgard...

it's interesting that even when thor is at rock bottom, he doesn't show outward sadness. he's not just drowning his feelings, he's constructed a sort of cocoon - as well as the alcohol and the escapism, he's isolated himself except for friends he knows won't challenge/disrupt his coping mechanisms, he's apparently specifically avoiding asgardians, presumably because it's harder to face the *people* he's failed - and he's actually projecting a mask of happiness.

it's not the most convincing mask, but still - he's smiling, he's laughing, he's warm. he shows affection, he introduces people to one another, and he offers them drinks. he's acting as a host, which is a royal trait, and how he's used to relating to his friends on asgard.

he's trying to create recapture a sense of community, of the kind he feels most secure in - a community that centres around him. (notably: an entourage, not a family. so no-one outranks him, and no-one gets too close.)

and he's trying to earn support and approval via... maybe not admiration, but something like it. love is something thor's always had to win, and he wins it by being giving, and by concealing his own needs. hence: depressed thor is sooo happy and amiable and agreeable, why don't you come in and live in his house forever, he doesn't mind.

and then there's also... anger. or not. he can turn his anger on and off at the drop of a hat; he's lending it to his friends as a tool. you could say he's using it protectively, but it's also without much direction, or any genuine need. and he's angry when hulk/bruce tries to ask for his help, but even then, he's mostly just passive-aggressive.

there's an interesting sort of disconnection going on. anger is the easiest to feel out of his negative emotions, but even that he doesn't really look at face-on... perhaps because so much of thor's anger is aimed at himself. but also perhaps because anger has always been a tool to him, and he doesn't have any direction now, so what's the point?

i think it's also interesting that he's shown arguing with children. what he says to that gamer kid sounds childish, but what he says to korg positions him as authoritative, and could even be interpreted as parental.

i think both of those things were present in how he related to other children (especially loki) when he was a child himself. thor is regressing, but thor is also someone who's had to grow up far too fast. childhood and adulthood were blurred then, and they're blurred now. (which is also just part of how ptsd works. and to be frank - we've seen odin's parenting. whether thor knows it or not, his trauma started a long time before t1.)

anyway. all this is a mask - but it's a weak one and thor knows it. for the most part, he's hiding. he's severely neglecting his physical appearance, not even brushing his hair - i think he might be literally struggling to look at himself in the mirror.

and it's also a mask whose fragility is known. korg and miek know his triggers and there's a formal agreement to avoid them. and it's probably quite hard for thor to have shown even that much vulnerability.

but there's an interesting kind of contrast here - on one hand, thor compulsively covers up vulnerability to avoid provoking his own feelings of grief, guilt, etc. but on the other hand, thor is very obviously not okay and he looks like he's lost his shame.

i think he is ashamed of his drinking, his depression, his weight gain, etc. but... as well as struggling to cope, i think he might be deliberately not hiding these things, because he thinks he deserves the shame. because he thinks others respecting and trusting him is dangerous. if he isn't worthy to protect his people, he can at least make sure no-one mistakes him for someone who is again...

so. thor is trying to escape his own trauma as far as he possibly can, but he's also limiting himself to escapism that mean no-one is relying on him for anything that matters. thor has decided it's better for him and for everyone else if he disappears.