#what a pretentious POS

[aloftmelevar]

i'm not a DNI person but actually do not fw me if you're like this

[disacurveball]

Just as Hannibal was to Superwholock, there is an alternate Gomens/WWDITS/OFMD for pretentious people

[iiikaruz]

New CH episodes have made me officially decide to stop caring about the actual cast of the show </3 (/hj but i wish it was /j)

Anyway would you like to share some of your headcanons/scenarios for the side/minor characters ? It always makes my day 💚💖(/nf)

dude i feel you on these new episodes. wtf is going on over there. anyways, i’ll gladly dump this 10 ton stack of headcanons on you that i wrote down!! Marie Antoinette: 

loves hyperpop and 90s house music. she’s so slay (i have a playlist lol)

into european weirdo cinema like Gaspar Noe’s but she also likes chick flicks (her fave films are Climax (2018), Daisies (1966), and But I’m A Cheerleader (1999).)

frequents on lolita forums and goes to really shady places just to get cute lolita items.

has absolutely mastered voguing. super into ballroom culture.

has a pet borzoi (those groovy long-nosed dogs.) her name is “Vanille” and Marie loves her dearly.

wants to study fashion. she especially loves Vivienne Westwood and Moschino.

Jesús Cristo:

is a juggalo, and he indoctrinated Van Gogh into it as well.

says “it is what it is” at any minor inconvenience.

had a mental crisis at 13 as a product to the stress of living up to his clone father. similar to joan’s breakdown in s1e3 but 10x worse. he tries to ignore it when people bring it up.

designated driver on any road trip. for some reason.

into bands like The Cure whilst also bopping to Cypress Hill.

his fave video game is Parappa the Rapper.

accidentally punching holes/nails into his hand is a common occurrence. seems like it just keeps happening, so he’s learned to just roll with it. he’s also a pretty good nurse bc of it.

Marilyn Monroe:

is always down for the school play. BUT she usually just does script-writing and tech. 

into conspiracy theories and video essays. (all gorgeous gorgeous girls love video essays).

is a dedicated Britney Spears and Gwen Stefani stan.

SO “COQUETTE LIZZY GRANT DIOR RETRO” in her fashion choice.

she also gives “elle woods from legally blonde” vibes. straight A student right here.

CERTIFIED GIRLBOSS <3

Thomas Edison:

is obsessed with American Psycho (2000). he has a poster in his room and he’s weirdly obsessed with Christian Bale (very 🍎🍉🍊 of him, but he always excuses it with “oh no, i just idolize and worship him. there’s absolutely nothing gay ab it.” he’s lying.)

also he’s SUCH a pretentious film bro. he has a whole library of stupid film facts shoved in the back of his mind (im totally not projecting).

he only listens to: 80s new-wave stuff like New Order, Oingo Boingo, Beastie Boys, & Talking Heads OR Lana del Rey. There is no in between.

he worked (past-tense bc that shit is GONE in 2023) at a blockbuster video store next to the mall and he liked being a total bitch to people about it (example: “you really rented this shit? this movie sucks, dude”)

after getting unfreezed, he was ECSTATIC over how easy pirating movies is nowadays.

Napoleon Bonaparte:

member of the speech/debate club and he is THE WORST TO BE PAIRED WITH. he’s foaming at the mouth the moment someone gives a rebuttal he didn’t think of. some meetings end in him trying to beat up someone. 

into 80s rock like Metallica and Black Sabbath. he has an electric guitar. he also FUCKING LOVES ABBA AND JAMIROQUAI. like… too much.

unlawfully good at Just Dance. he absolutely fucks it up on the dance floor.

adores fantasy films like Conan (1982) and The Never-Ending Story(1984). he’s so lame/ pos.

he bakes really well. that’s all he’s got going for him.

he either found his napoleonic military uniform at party city or at a thrift store with Marie Antoinette; his story changes depending on who he’s talking to.

he cut his own hair when he was 14. the following conversation after he did so was with caesar, and it was just the haircut scene from fleabag . he then continued to keep his stupid haircut to what it is now.

is a hopeless romantic. he can make up entire love poems & sonnets in his head about a girl he’s crushing on, but literally cannot talk to people without sounding like a douchebag unless he’s super comfortable w/ them.

Ivan the Terrible:

is an avid deftones, sewerslvt, & duster listener (i, unfortunately, ALSO have a playlist.)

spends his nights scrolling on 4chan and arguing w/ people. him & topher have accidentally argued w/ each other AT LEAST 5 times.

literally refuses to take off his ushanka in any weather. it doesn’t matter to him if it’s 90 degrees, that thing is staying ON.

kins Travis Bickle and Shinji Ikari. i mean, just look at this dude and how he presents himself. average NGE & Taxi Driver enjoyer/ hj.

fave video games are Postal 2 and osu!. he plays osu! phenomenally, to the point where it’s impressive. (pls put that energy into a job or something).

and yea that’s all the energy i have to write this down :]

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

How would you have written hazbin hotel if you were the director instead of vivziepop

For one thing, I would make the head of the exterminators this guy named Dumah while Adam is the ambassador to hell who tries to be friendly with Charlie due to being his ex's kid and treating her like a stepdaughter. Also again Charlie should know he's the first man and he's the one who vouches for her idea out of just trying anything to prevent more murders of his descendants despite all of them being fallen sinners. Also his right hands would be Abel and Seth and replace Lute. Also he totally does tons of dad jokes. He's still married to Eve and talks a bunch about his wife.

Make Alastor actually mixed race in appearance also have him just be a radio demon and not have anything to do with voodooism. If we do do Voodoo, we would have his deity be Kalfu who would have ties to hell and maybe be an aspect of Lucifer which could be a reason why he's so powerful mostly because Kalfu was tied with Lucifer.

You know what if they really are trying to be biblical the most powerful overlords are the big baddies in the Bible like Cain, Haman, Jezebel, Ahab, Herod, Delilah, Abimelech, Athaliah, Pharaoh Of Egypt, Goliath, etc. The lesser overlords would often be tied with them. I could see the Vee's be supported by one of those above.

Also don't make Lucifer into sad boy make him into someone who isn't a sad dreamer but an arrogant pos who still thinks he's justified rebelling against God and revels in the fact he made humanity fall and now gets to see them suffer. Also he has an agreement with Doomas army to thin out hell to again thin out the population. And again cause sinners more suffer. And his daughter wants to stand against this cruelty in the name of sinners.

The other sins would be featured, but they again wouldn't be wusses but actually embody their sins but they have offspring that question their parents and are less extreme than them.

Vaggie would be a sinner and is someone who has gotten a rough hand in life and would be an example of why some sinners should be given a second chance.

Angel Dust is just a pornstar and not anything to do with prostituting. As people said, he's really doing too much at once. Also he could strip on the side but that is it. However, I do think Valentino wouldn't be above pimping him out to those who would pay big money to sleep with the biggest pornstar. And again make Valentino actually threatening and smart so there is a reason why he came out on top and not because of the other vees.

Make Charlie and her family look Middle Eastern and have all the sins as well look Middle Eastern since they are again Middle Eastern origins while also they have updated looks for modern times.

Also we get tons of people who come as permanent guest like Baxter, Sir Pretentious, Crymini, and adding in a new guest, Cain. Cain would be represented as someone who hasn't been seen in a while but he comes as a surprised guest. Also his subplot would be reconnecting with his family.

Lilith won't have some thing about her disappearance but she will have some issues with her marriage with her husband due to how Charlie is treated and again instead of making him nice dad make him someone who as originally depicted wasn't a good father. However, he still would love his wife. She's evil, but still cares about her daughter.

[atths--twice]

Chapter Three

Sailing 101: A Study in Dynamics

It's time for a second date. And what could be better than an afternoon spent out on the water?

Monday afternoon 

Mulder stood waiting for Scully beside the sailboat he had reserved. He kept running through his checklist of what he needed to do once on the boat and also what he had brought with him to ensure everything was perfect. 

They had spoken after she came home from church and lunch on Sunday, her calling him nearly the instant she had arrived. He had smiled, listening to her discuss who she had seen and what she’d had to eat. 

“I make it a point to eat really well on Sunday, especially since my parents are paying for it,” she had said and he had laughed. “I mean they always say to get whatever I want, so I do. I used to hold back though, not wanting to seem rude, but now… well… I don’t.” 

“Makes sense,” he had said, picturing her ordering plate after plate, her napkin tucked into her dress to keep it clean. 

“I’m glad you agree,” she had said and he smiled again. 

“How do you feel about sailing?” he had blurted out as she had begun to speak but had then fallen silent. 

“In general or…?” she had asked and he had chuckled. 

“How do you feel about going sailing tomorrow?” 

“You… you own a sailboat?” she had asked incredulously. 

“No. I don’t personally. My parents have a boat, though it’s not what I had in mind as it’s far too large for an afternoon excursion.” 

“I…” 

“The yacht club has sailing classes of which I’ve taken my fair share over the years. I can borrow a smaller sailboat from there and we could sail around for a bit. Then maybe lunch at the clubhouse?” he had asked with a shrug, mentally reviewing his sailing lessons in his head. 

“The yacht club?” she had asked in a small voice. “And the country club too? Who are you, Fox Mulder?” 

He had frozen in place, suddenly worried she would think him snobby or pretentious. 

“We could do something else. It doesn’t have to be… I just thought that… Your dad being in the Navy, I thought maybe you might have a love the water too, but we don’t-”

“No. I do love it,” she had assured him softly. “I just… You usually picture someone different when you hear they belong to yacht clubs or country clubs. Someone…” 

“Older and snobby?” he had suggested and she had laughed nervously. “Well, I would tend to agree with you about that, though, that’s not how I would describe everyone.”

“I’m sorry if that sounded rude or if you took offense. That wasn’t my intention,” she had said, almost in a whisper. 

“Not one bit,” he had said quickly, shaking his head. 

“You know how to sail? You won’t sink us?” she had asked and he had heard the smile in her voice. 

“I do. And I won’t. Yachtsman’s honor,” he had said and she had laughed before agreeing to sail with him. 

She had insisted she would get a ride to the yacht club, not wanting to put him out, and now he was pacing, feeling nervous as he waited for her to arrive. 

A car pulled up and he halted in his pacing. Music was playing loudly as the door opened and Scully stepped out, looking around and shaking her head. 

“You’ll get a ride back or do you want me to pick you up later?” a man called above the music. 

“I’ll get a ride. See you next week, Charlie. Thanks for dropping me off.” 

“No problem, Dane. Have fun.” 

She grabbed her backpack and closed the door, waving at him as he drove away. 

“Hey,” Mulder called out and she jumped slightly. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“Didn’t scare me. I just didn’t see you there.” She smiled and walked over to him, slipping her backpack on as she did. 

“Hi,” he said, smiling at her as she stopped in front of him. 

“Hi,” she replied, her smile growing, her hands holding onto the straps of her backpack. “I missed you.” 

“Since last night when we spoke?” he teased and she shook her head. 

“Since you drove away on Saturday night,” she whispered and he hummed as he leaned forward, a hand reaching to hold her hip. 

He kissed her softly, her hands moving from her backpack to his chest and then wrapping around his neck. He pulled her closer and she moaned into his mouth. 

Breaking apart, they drew in deep breaths, their foreheads pressed together. 

“I think,” she whispered. “I think we should head to the boat. I don’t want to get in trouble at the yacht club. Find myself thrown out before I’ve even stepped a foot inside.” 

He chuckled and leaned back, looking into her eyes. She smiled and he nodded, stepping back as he reached for her hand to lead her toward the sailboat. She squeezed his hand and he grinned as he opened the door to the boat ramp. 

“It’s the perfect day for sailing,” she said and he nodded as they walked toward the boat. “I hope I’m dressed warm enough though, I know that it can get cooler on the water.” 

“I have extra clothes and blankets, if you do. No need to worry.” 

“Just thought of everything, have you?” she teased, squeezing his hand again as they stopped in front of the boat. “Oh, it’s nicer than I expected. I like it.” 

“They’re good little boats. Definitely better for the plans today than something bigger.” 

“Oh, that’s right,” she said, taking off her backpack and passing it to him as he held her hand to help her into the boat. “Is your parents' boat docked here?” 

“Mmhmm, it’s just there,” he said, pointing as he handed her backpack to her. She looked and her eyes widened. 

“That’s their boat? It’s…” She stared at it as she sat down and he untied the boat, carefully stepping in beside her. 

“No, that’s the Youngs boat,” he said, smiling at her as he pushed away from the dock and began to prepare the sail. “Ours is much bigger.” 

“Bigger than that?” she asked, pointing as they began to pass the boat. 

“No. I’m just kidding,” he said with a chuckle. “Gotcha.” 

“So funny,” she said, setting her bag down and shaking her head. 

“I know,” he agreed. “The life jackets are underneath your seat. Could you pass me one and then put yours on as well? Safety first, you know.” 

“Of course,” she said, taking out the life jackets and handing him one. He slipped it on and then turned his attention to getting them out into the open water. 

He watched her, the wind blowing her hair gently as she smiled and closed her eyes. It felt like his dream and he could not help but smile in return. A larger boat honked at them and they both turned to wave as it passed by, children running along the side and calling out hello. 

“Hello!” Scully called back and the children laughed and screamed excitedly. “Aww. Aren’t they so cute?” 

You are, he wanted to say, but he only smiled as he adjusted the sail to catch more wind. 

“Mmm,” she said, leaning back and tilting her face to the sun. “This was a perfect idea. Thank you for thinking of it.” 

“Sailing always impresses the ladies,” he said, watching to see her reaction. 

“This is where the debauchery happens, isn’t it?” she asked, turning her head to look at him. He laughed and shook his head as she shook her own, a smile tugging at her lips. “I knew it had to be somewhere.” 

“Imagine attempting anything like that as an awkward teenager. We’d both have ended up in the water. That would put a damper on things for sure,” he said with a laugh, guiding them past some larger wakes. 

“So you haven’t won the ladies over with your sailing abilities?” she asked and he shook his head as he looked at her. 

“Only woman I’ve been sailing with is my sister. And she usually takes over as she is, in fact, the better sailor.” 

“I’m liking her more and more,” Scully said, opening her backpack and taking out a floppy, wide brimmed hat and a pair of sunglasses. He smiled as she put them on and then leaned back, her face once more tilted toward the sun. 

They sailed around the harbor, not talking much as they absorbed the view and the weather. She had taken her hat off and braided her hair into two long braids, the wind causing it to tangle and cover her eyes too often. The hat was then replaced and he could not help but find her even more adorable. 

“Do you want a blanket or anything? It’s in that large bag there,” he offered and she shook her head. 

“Not just yet. But I’m sure I will soon.” 

Five more minutes and she was reaching for the bag, taking out one of his sweatshirts and a blanket. She put them on and smiled at him. 

“Much better,” she said and he nodded. 

“There is a spot about ten minutes from here. It’s a little cove with a dock. Do you want to stop there for a bit?” 

“If you want to, I’m game.” 

“Radical,” he said and she laughed, shaking her head and pulling the blanket further around her. 

“That sounds weird coming from you.” 

“Is bitchin’ better?” 

“No. Definitely not,” she laughed and he nodded in agreement. 

“Far out?” 

“No,” she said, laughing again and he smiled. 

“To the cove we go,” he said and she nodded. 

When they arrived, she was ready to help pull them in. She grabbed the buoys and tied them to the side as the dock came into view. Without even asking, she then took hold of the ropes and stood carefully to her feet, ready to jump out and tie the boat to the cleats. 

He was more than impressed as he watched her, doing his portion to secure the boat was properly docked. She smiled at him as he handed her her backpack and then the backpack he had brought, taking her life jacket and placing it into the boat. Taking off his own, he stepped out of the boat and stared at her. 

“We had a boat, a small one, but my dad sold it when we had to relocate. Aside from knowing about ships of all sizes, I also have basic boat knowledge,” she said, shrugging as she slipped on her backpack. 

“I figured you would. But still, that was pretty smooth-”

“Sailing?” she interrupted, her eyes shining. “Imagine that.” She slid her arm through his and he laughed as he picked up his own backpack. 

“You got me,” he said quietly and she nodded happily. 

“I certainly did,” she said as they began to walk up the small dock, her hand finding his and squeezing. 

“There isn’t really much to do here,” he said, walking into the grassy area that held two picnic tables and a community barbecue. “I just thought you might like to walk around a bit before we start heading back.” 

“You’ve been here before, obviously. What do you usually do?” 

“Well,” he said, stopping for a second and looking around. “We had a badminton set that we put up and played over there.” He pointed to the area away from the tables. “My sister and I would play and then my parents would join us after we’d eaten. Or if we were with other families, we would play with their children and the adults would drink and talk, getting louder as the drinks became stronger.” 

“Sounds familiar,” Scully said with a laugh. 

“We’d play horseshoes too sometimes, but that was when the pits for it were here. They took them out a couple years back. I think too many drunk college kids got hurt acting like idiots.” 

“Well, that’ll do it,” Scully said, laughing again. “Having seen the idiotic things our fellow classmates do, I can understand the need to remove them.” 

“Yeah,” he said, squeezing her hand before letting it go. “I brought some snacks. Just drinks and chips. Do you want to look around the area and have something to eat?” He smiled at her and she smiled back. 

“Look around, yes,” she said, adjusting her backpack. “Eat… no. You mentioned lunch at the yacht club. I’ll wait for that.” 

“Okay then,” he said, adjusting his own backpack. “Let’s explore the wooded area here.” 

“I’ll try not to touch any unknown plants this time,” she said with a smile. 

“If you do, don’t worry. I have the Super Salve,” he said and she chuckled softly as she reached to take his hand again. 

“Always prepared,” she said and he nodded. 

“Gotta be, with you around,” he said, squeezing her fingers and pulling her closer. 

“I’d be mad at that comment,” she said, sniffing with her head turned away from him. “Buuut… I know how well that salve works, so you’re forgiven.” 

“Thank you,” he said with a chuckle and she nodded curtly before looking at him with a smile. He laughed again, guiding her to the small copse of trees. 

When they walked back to the boat twenty minutes later, she held two large pine cones in her hands and in her backpack there were numerous rocks to which she had taken a liking. 

“What will you do with them?” he asked as they pushed away from the dock and he glanced at her, adjusting the sail. 

“Hmm, I’m not sure exactly. Well, about the pine cones anyway. I think I’ll paint the rocks and then put them on my desk. I like doing that. Gives the room a bit of color and…” She shrugged and smiled at him as she situated the pine cones. “I don’t know, I just like it.” 

“What do you paint on them?” he asked and she shrugged again. 

“Different things,” she said, twisting a braid and looking out at the water. “I’ve made ones of beach scenes, campfires, city lights… just different things.” 

“So they’re detailed, not just colored rocks,” he said and she looked at him with a smile and furrowed brow. 

“No! Not just colored! Like they’re Easter eggs or something?” she asked with a laugh and he shrugged, his hands raised with the palms up. 

“I don’t know! I didn’t see any on your desk the other night.” 

“Because I don’t have any there,” she laughed, giving her backpack a nudge with her foot. “Hence the reason I collected so many.” 

“Hence,” he repeated, laughing as he steered the boat back towards the yacht club. 

“Yeah, hence,” she said again, tugging at her life jacket and then leaning back, crossing one leg over the other. He stared at her foot, watching it move up and down and he smiled. 

“Well, I’ll enjoy seeing them when you’re done.” 

“Would you like to paint them with me?” she asked and he lifted his head to look at her. “Not today, of course. But maybe this weekend?” 

“I’d like that,” he said, grinning at her. “Although I’m not much of a painter.” 

“Psh,” she said, waving her hand in a dismissive way. “It’s rocks… Fox.” She grinned and he laughed at the rhyme. “You can’t really mess up a rock.” 

“I suppose that’s true,” he agreed with a nod. 

“We could go to that park close to Toni's,” she suggested. “The park for artistic inspiration and then Toni’s for dinner? Or late lunch depending on the time?” 

“I’d like that,” he said, grinning as he nodded again. 

“Good,” she said, twisting her braid again as she looked down, almost shyly. “It’s a date.” 

“Totally,” he said and she shook her head as she raised it to look up at him with a smile. 

“Radical,” she said, echoing his word from earlier and he laughed loudly, the wind picking up and carrying his laughter across the water. 

The ride back seemed to take less time, the wind pushing them on. They were quiet, comfortable in the silence, as they watched other boats and Scully ran her fingers through the water, smiling as she watched it drip down as she raised her hand. He smiled as he stared at her in her big hat and sunglasses. 

So cute, he thought. Really wished I would have spoken to her sooner. 

“Does it ever make you stop and think?” she asked. 

“What?” he asked, feeling for a second that she was reading his mind. 

“Just how big the world is, how amazing. That this water is here, that it stays here, hundreds, if not thousands, of feet deep, and it’s just here. And that there are places in the world that we will never see, yet they are there, simply existing.” She stared at the water dripping from her fingers. “I’m touching something that someone might be wishing they could touch. In a place where someone might yearn to be. And yet I might wish to be where they are, exploring what their homeland may offer.” She looked at him, smiling slowly. “It’s wild isn’t it?” 

“Whoa… getting all profound on me,” he said and she exhaled a laugh. “But yes, I understand what you mean.” 

“This is big,” she said, waving her other hand to emphasize the area around them. “But it’s also small. It’s just… I don’t know. It just struck me and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” 

“Puts things into perspective,” he agreed with a nod. “I was just thinking, I wished I’d spoken to you sooner. Maybe this wouldn’t have been the first time we’ve gone sailing. Maybe it would have been a weekly occurrence, something we did every Monday.” 

She tilted her head, staring at him through her sunglasses, and shook her head slightly. 

“I wasn’t in a place then to spend my Monday’s sailing with anyone. I was… I was going through some things last year- my own personal things and I…” She shook her head again and leaned forward, holding her hand out to him. He took it and she squeezed gently. “I think… I think I would have broken your heart. And my own in the process.” She smiled sadly and he squeezed her hand a little tighter. “Because like I told you already, I really like you, Fox Mulder.” 

“Well,” he said, smiling softly. “Then we met exactly when we were supposed to.” She nodded, squeezing his hand again. “Because I really like you too, Dana Scully.” 

“Good,” she whispered and he nodded as they squeezed at the same time, smiling as she let go and leaned back, picking up the blanket beside her and wrapping it around her legs. 

When the docks began to come into sight, she took off his sweatshirt, packing it and the blankets back inside of his backpack. Into her own, went her floppy hat. 

Jumping out again as they reached the dock, she securely tied the rope to the cleat, smiling at him proudly. 

He took her life jacket and placed them both back in their correct space, then he furled the sail and continued securing the boat. He set their backpacks on the dock before stepping out and standing beside her. She smiled as they picked their things up and walked to his car to drop it off. 

“Are you sure I’m dressed okay for lunch here?” she asked, loosening her braids and letting her hair flow freely. “I do have a different shirt, but I don’t-”

“You look fine,” he said, taking in her attire of a black sweater and jeans. 

“You’re sure?” she asked again, quickly braiding her hair into one long braid that lay over her left shoulder. She twisted the end, biting her lip as she looked at the building nervously. 

“Hey,” he said softly, covering her hand and bringing it down to hold her fingers loosely in his own. “If it was a fancy place and there was a strict code, especially at this time of day, I would’ve told you. I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable anywhere.” 

She stared at him, her sunglasses now off, allowing him to look into her beautiful blue eyes. She squeezed his hand, placing her other on his cheek as she rose up to kiss him softly. He put his hand on her hip to hold steady and kissed her back just as gently. 

“You,” she breathed as they broke apart. “You are something else. You know that, right?” 

“Hmm,” he hummed, squeezing her hip and stepping back. “I might.” 

She laughed quietly and he tugged at her hand, pulling her toward the building. She held his upper arm with her other hand and he smiled as they walked. 

“I promise that you don’t need to feel nervous,” he assured her as they neared the doors. “My parents are going to love you.” 

“Oh my God! Your parents are here?! Right now?!”! she asked, stopping in her steps and staring at him, her eyes wide. He smiled and shook his head, stepping close and squeezing her hand. 

“Gotcha,” he whispered. 

[piperjistic]

Kindle

(Po x Tigress, Tipo lmao)

It was midnight. Two warriors laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. An arm laid under the tiger, an arm laid on top of the panda. Neither stiff as they laid together and stared at the ceiling. The wind blew gently outside, yet nothing creaked. That was unusual, it meant age, but also that if something or someone was out of place, they wouldn’t immediately know… That can be fixed though after a month or two living here.

The barracks was nice and all for the years they’ve trained and still train at the jade palace, however it was cramp. Especially for the panda, but even more for the couple. Once they started sleeping together, it was hard to stop. I mean, why would you?

To have a big pudgy and soft panda that keeps one warm, that’s the perfect cuddle bud. It saved them during mountain missions, it protected him from most attacks, and definitely comforted whoever needed a hug. So for Tigress, it was truly perfect.

Her eyes flicker over to Po briefly, seeing him contemplatively staring at the ceiling. He inhales deeply. She turns her attention back up too. Like the rest of this place, it was marble dotted in swirls, golden dots and black strokes, mimicking dragons flying through the roaring clouds. It was a beautiful mural, fit for the dragon warrior yet not too distracting or pretentious. A mural of Po would be too much, especially with him smirking and members of the valley praising him. She shakes her head.

Tigress’s tail sways across the bed, feeling out the bed’s surface that was smooth and silky, free from holes, dents, or creases. When she slept in the cots, she would sleep on the side and allow her tail to find a crevice to lay in that lead to the rest hanging off. Now though? There was no such thing. She sighed. Is this anxiousness? Confusion? No, it was astonishment.

She was still processing this change. It was completely unexpected to her. To them. Even though this bed fitted both of them perfectly. Even though this was only natural for them to move to a room together. Especially with the Jade Palace and its grounds being renovated inside and out, years after Kai’s assault to remove Oogway from memory. Was this even possible? What would stop them? Who would stop them? This was never a possibility in their mind. Sure they loyally and fiercely defended the valley, yet that’s suppose to be a thankless (minus the fanclubs) and grueling job. This isn’t even mentioning that Po is the dragon warrior, he outranks almost all, even Shifu.

Speaking of which… Po clears his this throat, her face flickers over to him, he slowly turns to his side to fully face her. His voice low as if the walls were made of paper instead of marble, though wearing a small warm smile. Her chest flutters. “I can’t believe Shifu agreed to let us get a room together.”

Even Po’s still figuring out the math. Her mouth twitches up, she’s not alone.

She leans in on her side, feeling his breath on her nose. It was warm. Her hand slides, yet doesn’t leave his chest. Rather, it gently caresses that patch of fur through her paws. His breath smelt liked earthy matcha & sweet broth.

“I can’t believe he even heard you out.”Tigress bluntly states. She feels his chest rise and fall as his blue focuses on her, his hand on her shoulder pushed them closer. Space between their faces were less than a foot away. Her tail curled.

“Oh come on, was it that much of a bad idea?” She hums. He rolls his eyes and smirks, his fingers tiptoe up her arm. “Well, personally it wasn’t if a lil—“

“Tiger, not kitty, Po.” She eyes him sternly, gently but firmly swatting his hand. His smiles grows, she knows his tricks. The panda lets his hand gesture widely as he continues.

“Okay, it wasn’t if a lil’ tiger agreed with me.” She clears her throat.

“I only said it was optimal… and promised it would allow you to train better.” She squints her eyes, there goes that cheeky smile again.

“Just admit it Ti, you want to cuddle with this belly—“ He beats it, it jiggles. “Every night.” It was her turn to roll her eyes. She would never. “I mean, I know I would.”

“You’re so full of yourself Po.” Her paw pats his belly, he chuckles.

“Yeah, well, everyone besides you says otherwise.” His open hand wraps around her waist, pulling her even closer, leaving their faces inches apart.

“Well that’s because they don’t really know you like I do.” Her finger ever so gently taps his snout. It was her turn to grin cheekily. His eyes widen before he bellows in laughter skyward, kicking his feet. His voice reverberated across the walls of the nearly empty room, practically lighting the room too life. It takes a minute for him to calm down and catch his breath. Tigress watched fondly, heart fluttering. He rolls back over, grinning.

“Righttttt, like I didn’t train with the rest of the five for the same amount of years as you.” She shakes her head.

“Oh but you didn’t. You and I sparred, and to this day, you’ve lost to me the most.” She asserts, grin twisting in confidence.

“Oh really?” Her smirk grew, knowing he was corner.

“Who trained with you the longest?” Po ddi the only thing he could do, play dumb as he glanced back at the ceiling and tapped his chin.

“Mmmm……”

“Po.”

“Monkey?”

“Po.” She frowns, unamused.

“Okay Okay, you Ti. You. Always you.”Conceded the panda as he held his paw up in surrender.

“And if you add up all that time, I would probably be a year if not six months ahead of the rest. This is including missions.” She yawns, the warmth between them is getting to her.

“Oh wowww, using math on me now, are ya? So clever.” Po boops her snout. She manages to chuckle from under her scoff. Her tail curls over his leg.

He sighs, her laugh angelic. It wasn’t tight or forced, she was relaxed. The tail is a dead giveaway, but so were her half-lidded eyes and upright ears. Oh, and don’t forget this new hint he noticed lately, that when she stares at him, her amber eyes dilate. It was too cute. She was already super strong, clever, brave, attentive, diplomatic, decisive, reserved and elegant. And so much more!

And it was all his, well not literally but— he’s the only one that can see this side of her. The tough and stoic tiger kung-fu master lays wrapped in his arms, happily laughing and smiling. Who would of thought? His smile soft and loving, eyes filled with adoration.

“Tigress, I love you.” She blinks, taken back. She finds herself leaning back from their gentle embrace.

She blinks again. How could one say that so casually? That’s like tossing wood on a bonefire— No— Scratch that, tossing a tub of flame sticks on it. Her cheeks warm up, fur standing tall and muscles tight. This is an alarm. No, important. Very important. With the most important!

And yet, his eyes of sunny skies were gentle and half lidded. He was almost always relaxed, but this… Is too much… She spoke up, trying to not trip over her own words. She waited too long to respond—

“And I… love… you… Po.”

Tigress winces shamefully, immediately adverting her eyes down. It’s so hard to say. She’s never done it before…. in years…. When she was but a cub and just adopted by Shifu, or maybe she said something of equivalence. Regardless, she loves Po. More than anything. And here he is professing his love once again when its only them and no one to witness but each other… And she can’t even reciprocate it… Sputtering isn’t enough.

Her eyebrows were knitted together, ears flattened and a bigger frown than her stoic face ever would be. She even drew her paw away that played with his fur and her tail. It hurt Po to see it. He watches her eyes, as if he sees her thoughts spiraling in circles. No more.

She flinches as a soft paw of black envelopes her cheek, gaze lifted back to his concerned eyes. “Hey… Don’t beat yourself up. Take your time, my tiger lily. I can wait.”

“But—“

“No butts.” He engulfs her in the biggest panda hug he could muster. She couldn’t fight. She knew she couldn’t fight it. This is his expertise. She melts, chuffing. Her fur fluffs back down, tail sways before draping over his thigh. They lay there for what seems like an eternity. Though, he wasn’t done yet. He pulls back, grinning satisfied.

“Butts are for ducks.” Confusion spreads across her face. Po chortles before it’s interrupted with a yawn. He shifts, bringing his lips to her forehead and pressing firmly against her firm. Heat spread like wildfire throughout her body.

Instinctively to the foreign feeling, she tenses like cement… eyes wide. But… her tail doesn’t move form his thigh and she doesn’t pool away. Her face is probably flushed, her fur probably more coral than orange. Though either could tell. He pulls away, leaving her with his final murmur. “I’ll explain later….”

She only nods. The panda warrior doesn’t mind as he pulls her in close, chest to chest as he rubs his chin against her head. He settles, closing his eyes.

It was the opposite for Tigress for a few moments. However, she wasn’t ashamed or fearful as before. This was something she knew she didn’t have to reciprocate. If anything, in time, she’ll love to just receive and savor it.

She manages to inhale deeply, muscles relaxing and heart slowing once again. The heat within herself lingers comfortably. She smiles, chuckling to herself. The tiger warrior rubs her face against his soft fur. Every inch of her face rubs against his neck and shoulder, she couldn’t get enough. Then, Tigress buries her face with his shoulder, leaving her ears to peak out from the furry mass.

Someone once told her love was like a fire. It burned forever and brightly. It could wither, but it could also grow tenfold. Not just romantic, platonic too. Little fires sparkle inside her like the night sky. Shifu, Crane, Viper, Monkey, Mantis, even Mr.Ping, Li Shan, and little Lei Lei. They were her family.

And the other fire, the biggest fire of all, was self love. It sounded ridiculous for love to be described this way, but as time went on, it began to fit. So when it came back to herself…. She never considered her fire to burn brightly. She was proud of what she accomplished, her ability, her power. Though that’s what she was raised to be, a warrior first, a leader second and everything else last…

But then comes a goofy panda that believed in himself and other people; who became the grandmaster of kung fu and chi by being his true self and says other wise. Po wasn’t just a fire to her. He kept her warm on her darkest and coldest nights. She felt herself cheesing into his luscious white fur. Po was her kindle that blazed her the most.

[astrea16]

F1 drivers as equestrian disciplines

—an important analysis from a horse girl at heart

If you don't know shit about horseback riding, that's honestly great and I hope you can learn a thing or two from my brainrot.

Charles Leclerc: Show jumping

What’s more iconic than a good old obstacle course with dozens of sponsors plastered every five feet? Aside from Il Predestinato’s very marketable image (Longines is actually a huge sponsor in the industry and they make watches, so,,) I feel like this discipline perfectly reflects his skills as a driver. His raw talent makes him a ferocious threat over the course of one lap and his intelligence is an incredible asset to calculate the best trajectory and angles of attack. Show jumping is thrilling, stressful, and makes you hold your breath until the very last second—just like a good qualifying lap. I feel like Charles would love the attention of doing victory laps around the arena with one fist in the air before spraying everyone with champagne.

Lewis Hamilton: Dressage

I actually had to rethink this one and wonder whether or not I’d picked this discipline because he was British, but I think my point still stands. This man lives for his sport and for the crowds, and I honestly think that as long as his ass is in a car he would drive laps around an empty track all day. Dressage is majestic, it’s prestigious, regal, and the epitome of elegance. This discipline accepts nothing less than excellence and the judges are notorious for being extremely picky, rarely ever giving the maximum score to a movement. It may not look as impressive as show jumping and its counterparts, but it is undeniably just as intense. The goal is to make it seem effortless, like the rider is dancing with their horse and everything else has stopped existing. And look—we all know Lewis is a fashion icon, that one person everyone can’t help but look at when they enter the room. That’s what dressage feels like. It’s classy, sophisticated, sometimes a little bit pretentious—in short, the one that lives under the spotlights. I also think it’s too big of a coincidence that Isabell Werth—the most successful dressage rider of all time—holds the Olympic record of seven gold medals in all equestrian disciplines.

(Also: Nico gets the same assignment ;))

Lando Norris: Show jumping

Something about this guy reminds me of that one friend at the stables that would be there every competition weekend and whose biggest dream was to participate in the Olympics. And yes, that applies to the entire grid, but it feels more prominent for Lando who’s younger and a bit less experienced than some of the older drivers. I don’t want to call it innocence (especially because it must be long gone after five years at McLaren) but there’s something about him that hits you right in the feels and reminds you about the dreams you gave up on. He’s got the drive of a winner and a fun energy that I think suits show jumping quite well. I feel like sponsors would adore him and try to put his face everywhere—probably in an attempt to refresh their image.

Max Verstappen: Eventing

Intense, unforgiving, and hella dangerous, eventing is the perfect discipline for thrill-seekers and people who dislike staying in the same daily grind. Which is funny because we’re talking about Max Verstappen, the guy who spends all of his days glued to his sim chair, but let me explain. The strenuous nature of eventing doesn’t necessarily come from the exercises themselves but from the way they are arranged one after the other with little time to rest in between. This equestrian triathlon often takes place over three days: one day for dressage, one day for cross-country, and one day for show jumping. The goal is to challenge the athletes’ resilience and stamina with various tests. The first one, dressage, determines the ability of the rider to keep their horse in control and perform a series of movements in a relaxed manner. Cross-country is a test of strength. The athletes have to power through an outdoor course of around thirty natural obstacles within a given time range, while making sure that they are saving energy for the third day. Finally, show jumping requires precision and fitness, which—combined with all of the other skills required by eventing—make this discipline the most complete and challenging of all, and therefore the most suitable to our reigning champion imo. As much as I would rather praise other drivers, Max genuinely seems like he never has a bad day and just… knocks it out of the park every single time. And trust me, that’s not something you see often in any kind of sport. Besides, I can easily picture him covered in water and mud, galloping through the forest like a cannonball.

Lance Stroll: Polo

Polo is expensive, classy, luxurious—what more is there to say? Lance would make a great polo player, as long as he’s got the team spirit and isn’t afraid to potentially lose his kneecaps.

Zhou Guanyu: Hunter

Hunter is basically the athleticism of show jumping mixed with the elegance of dressage. The horse/rider combination is judged on their style and technique, and that also comes down to presentation. Both athletes must look neat and well-groomed and have excellent manners throughout the competition. As opposed to show jumping, which can get quite… extravagant at times, hunter isn’t about being the fastest. It’s about who’s got the best equitation and achieves the cleanest performance possible, and that’s why I think Zhou would absolutely slay in this discipline. (Note that my judgement isn’t actually based on his abilities as a driver but rather on his incredible outfits which I KNOW is awfully subjective, but I never claimed to be right in the first place.)

BONUS

Sebastian Vettel

I think Sebastian could have had a career in show jumping before realizing that it wasn’t his thing at all and he retired to do endurance or some western discipline, before getting dragged back into the industry by Charles Leclerc who quickly became his protégé. Although Seb is no longer competing, he’s basically Charles’s mentor and has a ton of tricks up his sleeve from his time as an Olympic rider. He’s actively against horse racing and when he’s not busy coaching, he probably likes to run off somewhere more peaceful—like in a farm lost in the depths of the countryside.

[courtmartialme]

on the mood of recent asks. seems like people see as a ceo of trans riza that's why they ask you for permission to draw riza ig. that's cool! how does it feel to be a trans riza celebrity? /pos

that might sound pretentious and self entitled but i really like it! i've never seen anyone make transmasc riza art before me so LOL i don't gatekeep trans hcs of course, but i still consider transmasc riza My AU. so much that i do feel a bit annoyed when i see people going "omg i love this influx of transmasc riza in fandom!!" like.. what fandom.. of course i'd love to see more transmasc riza but it think it's too entitled to thank The Fandom™ for it when it's One Guy doing it and that's me. whatever transmasc riza isn't mine is either from my friends or people inspired by mine or stuff I commissioned with my money.

reiterating OF COURSE i'd love MORE transmasc riza and to see other people's own takes on transmasc riza unrelated to mine but AT THE TIME OF THIS ASK it's only me doing all the work so you don't get to treat him as a Fandom Collective Creation. everyone else also seems to love transmasc riza and it makes me happy!!!!!! so i encourage everyone to make more stuff for him too, i feed everyone but nobody feeds me and then have the audacity to say transmasc riza is Thanks To The Fandom. it could be but work for it :-) for now i take the role of transmasc riza CEO gladly! peace and love on planet earth

[lindszeppelin]

When people post that video of him mentioning the dog as a gotcha moment to non shippers, it makes me wonder if they've ever watched interviews of him before. That man answers these questions so unseriously sometimes, his answers change every time. He ofc stays consistent on the important stuff he wants to actually talk about, but when you ask his favorite anything, he just says whatever. That dog probably spent more time with him than K in the last 2 years anyways, she only changed her pfp to him and her to make a point of Austin being with her, idk how people don't see she's a pretentious pos. And the lack of reaction on the L&S article tells me they are very selective with what they like to shove in people's faces🙃 I could post it every week just to piss them off, but I don't feel the need to, cause I'm not insecure in my views. I feel the breakup will hit them like a freight train cause they're so out of touch with what's actually the case here.

Austin is only a means to an end for them. I tho l they actually don’t like him. No fan that genuinely cares about Austin would do the shit they do

[mattmorettiisbored]

[ joe mazzello, cis male, he/him ] — whoa! MATT MORETTI  just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for 3 MONTHS, working as a SCREEN WRITER/DIRECTOR. that can’t be easy, especially at only 39 YEARS OLD. some people say they can be a little bit COLD and PRETENTIOUS, but i know them to be FUNNY and GENEROUS. whatever. i guess i’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to Brooklyn! — (nads, 34, gmt-3, she/her)

BASICS

FULL NAME: Matthew Moretti

NICKNAME(S): Matt

AGE: 39

DATE OF BIRTH: September 19, 1984

PLACE OF BIRTH: Hyde Park, New York

CURRENT LOCATION: Brooklyn, New York.

RELIGION: Catholic

ETHNICITY: White.

GENDER: Cis Man

PRONOUNS: He/Him

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual Straight 

EDUCATION: The University of Southern California School of Cinematic Arts (SCA)

OCCUPATION: Writer/Director

FACECLAIM: Joe Mazzello

PHYSICAL TRAITS

HEIGHT: 5'9 

WEIGHT: 150 lbs

HAIR COLOR: Dark ginger

EYE COLOR: Hazel

PIERCINGS: None

TATTOOS: none

SCARS|MARKS: Some freckles on his nose.

SIGNATURE SCENT: Hugo Boss Bottled Night

PERSONALITY

CHARACTER INSPO: Hawkins 'Hawk' Fuller (Fellow Travellers) Tom Burgess (My Policeman) Adam (All of us Strangers) The Priest (Fleabag)

THEME SONG: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2

POS TRAITS: Generous. Friendly. Funny

NEG TRAITS: Traditional. Arrogant. 

LOVE LANGUAGE: Quality time

ALIGNMENT: Chaotic good

RELATIONSHIPS

MOTHER: Grace Moretti

SISTER: Mary Moretti

Biography:

Growing up in the 80s in Hyde Park, New York was pretty easy for Matt. He was part of the picture perfect little family of four. Mom, dad, his sister and him. His days were full of bike rides to the park and climbing trees and trips to the lake. 

Matt’s parents were really good parents and wanted their kids to try anything they wanted so Mary and Matty did it all, from dance and piano lessons to all the sports the town had to offer. Even some acting jobs as kids. Matt’s favorite though were his dance lessons. Of course they were, his dad taught them. Matt was John’s shadow. He admired his dad more than anyone in the world. While his classmates were always whining about their fathers, he was going on road trips with the man for half the summer. They were thick as thieves. 

That’s why it shook him to his core when he had to move from LA back to New York because his father was terminally ill. Matt had been living in LA for over 10 years, moving there to study in USC to be a filmmaker but without a doubt he paused his entire life to be with his hero. His best friend. 

When his dad peacefully passed away, Matt took one last trip with him and brought some of his ashes to Italy where his grandparents came from. Once there he discovered more about himself than just some family history. 

In Italy, Matt fell in love with Teddy and at thirty-six years old, they made him doubt everything he believed to be true about himself. 

It didn’t matter how much Teddy tried and proved themselves to Matt over and over, Matt couldn’t get past his paralyzing fear of people finding out about them so eventually and understandably, Teddy’s patience ran out and they left him for good. 

Now he’s back in New York, in Brooklyn this time, working in Manhattan as a screenwriter on a show filming in the city. It’s been three months but he still can’t help but turn every time he sees someone with blonde hair passing by him. 

[craske]

I don't want to sound pretentious when i say all this (and this ended up being really long??), but i really do think you don't need to uphold your online presence so consciously, or even at all. There's nothing wrong with being "inactive" because trying to show up for everything is some sick standard social media made up. Maybe it might be difficult to uphold an idgaf personality, but i can say from my experience it could be better to try a little bit at a time. I can say that they really do mean it when you can have quiet admirers, from my experience all the more. Maybe they're too shy to put silly tags when they reblog or just put a like on your post. And I don't think you have to worry too much about sticking to one piece of media and be afraid the people following you won't like you anymore for posting different content. At most, I just believe they won't really care enough to unfollow you or stop engaging entirely. The most important thing to me is that you stick around doing the things you actually want to do, even if you're just showing up every month or so, or black out for a year or more. Because the people who do care will be overjoyed to see you whatever you post or share, especially when you come back after a long time. It really is discouraging when you don't see that actively, maybe because we're so used to seeing numbers that relate to our worth. But i like to imagine we're waving at each other from a distance or smiling through a window, as horrid as online landscapes can be nowadays. I know i'm running my mouth here but i just wanted to share my experience because i um. 🙋 also think youre really cool and awesome and i love whatever work you do and the fact you share it is an amazing thing enough i feel privelaged and youre humor is funny and whatever new stuff you post is just introducing me to things i'll also think is cool down the line and i really do wish i can share my appericiation more and evolve from being a quiet admirer /inhales/ 👍 i would say this is a sort of love letter from the gas station but i also mean it as kai 👋 i hope you're doing well in uni or that it gets better soon or in whatever it is youre doing now. and whether or not youre online, i hope youre doing the things you enjoy 🫶

okay i needed some time to figure out how to respond to this ask because theres a lot (in a /pos way dont worry) so ill start off with saying that i really really and i do mean it Really appreciate what you said here. Especially lately, ive been struggling with being active online outside of small spaces where there are just me and a few other people. might be me feeling overwhelmed when i say something into the void with a high chance of no response, though i wont fault anyone for that. i myself know interaction is scary so i do get it. ever since i started using the internet ive stuck to my small online bubbles so yeah interaction kind of intimidating online

and though i agree it does feel discouraging to sometimes see no feedback or much of a reaction, i try not to be bummed out about it myself because im also a silent admirer of many artists online. so like ive said before i do understand that sometimes people are shy and dont interact directly and theres no pressure really to change that. just the idea that there are people that like what i make is really nice, even though i suffer from the same issue that maaany other artists have and i need to actively remind myself of that.

about sticking to one fandom its a very recent but big issue to me because ive been DEEP in the persona pit for like 4 years, and i certainly built an audience around that. i know there will always be people that stick around no matter what but despite that theres always that nagging feeling that maaybe things will crumble. obviously thats not true but human mind fucking SUCKS

as the final note ill say it again that your message means a lot to me and i thank you a lot for it <333 im soo flattered by your words and they made my past two days, thank you soo much

[total-funger-island]

oh um how do I say this without sounding pretentious…

I wrote that fic

on a school night at 1:00am while listening to we didn’t start the fire by Billy Joel on repeat…..

and for heather’s moonscorched name I forgot what it was… so um yeah

But I over the moon that you enjoyed it! ��

I KNEW IT

IT WAS YOU!!!!! /pos

Your fic is incredible awesome tbh! I know how it very exhausting to working on something at 1:00 am😭 but you really a good job! I appreciate your work <3

[enzeno]

Im so mentally ill over this show

So I used to have a pretentious look on romance dramas until I hooked myself onto anime and the genre is so near and dear to me now. However, I’m not sure if its due to an attention issue, or things just don’t click for me, but unless the show is animated or high fantasy, I have extreme trouble latching onto a tv show. I saw a tiktok about a thread of canonly autistic characters and Quinni was on there from heartbreak high so I chose to give the show a try. Ive never heard about it before so it was a surprise that it was a netflix show. And holy shit. /pos

Can we please fucking talk about how amazing Quinni is as a character?? I’m on episode 7 at the moment, so I just finished the episode where she and sasha went to the book signing and quinni’s presence makes me so fucking happy.(will go over sasha in a bit) Its insane to me that I tear up over seeing her autistic traits be portrayed so well because before this show, the best representation I’ve seen was entrapta from she-ra. Its the way that she’s taken seriously by the people around her, how when she mentions something in SLTs even though asses like spiders laugh, other people take her concerns seriously. How the nudes/noodles example didn’t click because she was focused on how picking up noodles with your hands is unhygienic rather than the sex eds metaphor on unsolicited nudes. Like??? That was literally me when I was younger holy shit. 

Her personality is so beautiful and shines amazing through the other depressing character plot lines, but even though she’s a happy and caring person with autism, she’s not babied by the writers. She’s intimate like the other teens, she knows what she wants, AND HER BOUNDARIES LIKE?? Im so tired of autistic people being seen like sex ignorant/ avoidant strangers in media like its not hard to have an autistic person act in that way. Though I understand that its ok to be sex repulsed/ not inclined (as I’m also on the aroace spectrum) its just so frustrating that autistic people aren’t seen as desirable. But quinni is!!   

I started sobbing so bad during episode 6 because I understand quinni so well. I know the frustration when your schedule isn’t lining up. Sasha made me wanna pull my hair out the entire episode. I understand that it’s her first relationship with someone on the spectrum, but that doesn’t excuse how she treats Quinni as a road block on her “normal teenage years.” It’s disgusting how she made the issue about herself and tried to victim blame by saying quinni was using her autism as an excuse to not go to the party. But its so much more than that. Quinni was waiting for so long for this moment. She was so happy info dumping about her favorite series but every time she looked over at sasha she was on her phone or in a bad mood. And the thing is girlie didn’t even have to go! Quinni told her she didn’t have to go and sasha also invited herself like??? HELLO?? And when quinni went to her house to have a mental breakdown, the way she was portrayed hitting herself and the ground just hit so close my tears could not stop like holy shit. Its just so ugh like I just just finished the episode so the emotions are still so here but man. 

[wariocompany]

Fuck it. Some of my favourite Astérix trivia.

While it's typically associated with childhood today, Astérix was actually created because Goscinny and Uderzo wanted there to be a comedy BD series that wasn't exclusively for children. Jokes from it, while normal now, were considered pretentious at the time. x

Goscinny was a initially hesitant about including the "magic potion" in the story at all, fearing it would make all problems immediately solveable. x

Related: In the days when Astérix books were released half-and-half in Pilote, a magazine, they revealed the first half of The Big Fight - an album in which Panoramix (Getafix) is hit on the head with a menhir and cannot make the potion. Readers were so concerned that Goscinny and Uderzo received "an avalanche of alarmed letters". x

Uderzo wanted Astérix to be a tall, relatively muscular type who resembled Vergincétorix x, but Goscinny insisted he had to be the antithesis of what how a hero normally looks, to make it funnier. In return, Uderzo made Obélix tall and fat despite Goscinny not being crazy about the idea. x

Dogmatix's name, Idéfix, was a fan submission. x

Astérix and Obélix were put on trial by law students at Sciences Po, accused of rebellion against the state. They were acquitted. x

Obélix was made to fall in love with Falbala in Astérix the Legionary so it would not seem that they were glorifying war. x

[featherlouise]

WAITWAIT IDEA FOR HOLLOWS NAME IN ROOT OF EVIL, what about Caudatus? Amaranthus caudatus, aka love-lies-bleeding, was a symbol of hopelessness during the victorian era - 👹

OOOH I LIKE THE MEANING

It’s very pretentious sounding /pos, sounds like something WL would do, they’d probably go by a nickname like Ammie or something (bc I really love the idea of Hornet naming them and there’s NO WAY baby Hornet would be able to pronounce ‘Amaranthus’)

[colintrumanarchive]

FULL NAME: Colin James Truman FACECLAIM: Fionn Whitehead GENDER: Cis man PRONOUNS: He/him AGE + BIRTHDAY: 27 + August 24, 1996 LENGTH OF TIME IN FAIRFORD: ~1.5 years HOUSING: A townhouse Downtown OCCUPATION: Remote software developer for a large tech company

MORE STATS.

Nickname(s): Col Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Religion: None Nationality: American Ethnicity: White Hometown: Eureka, California Education: BS and Master's in Computer Science from SFSU

Height: 6'2 Tattoos: Tba (Right bicep and left shin) Piercings: Both lobes but not usually wearing anything in them Scars: Tba

Mother: Joyce Truman (Deceased) Father: Shane Truman (Deceased) Siblings: None Pet(s): None

PERSONALITY.

Pos. Traits: Analytical, intelligent, persistent, focused, logical, erudite Neg. Traits: Pretentious, aloof, judgmental, uncreative Likes: Old PC games, long drives, the beach, seafood, smoking weed, metal and 80s music, live music, dive bars, gouging electronics to look at the insides Dislikes:  Most mainstream/top 40 pop, most social media, vegan substitutions for meat, people who call instead of texting for no reason, most stand-up comedy Fears: That his parents weren't even good people, growing old alone, getting old in general, regret, unfulfilled potential

TL;DR.

Grew up in Eureka, California, and lost his parents at just under five years old, after which he went to live with his maternal grandparents one neighborhood over. Was a quiet but still relatively social kid in school, got good grades but not as good as they could have been if he'd focused more instead of smoking weed and going to concerts. Went to SFSU after high school for his undergrad and then also got his Master's in Computer Science there before moving back in with his grandparents and landing a high-paying remote software dev job with a company based out of Seattle. Moved to Fairford to be a little closer to the company and because he wanted to get out of Eureka. Semi-quiet metal head tech boy who can can't produce art to save his life but can fix your computer in twenty minutes.

CURRENT CONNECTIONS.

Dumbass stoners with @mackmontgomery

Fwb with @phoebebaker

Unlikely friendship with @thaddcarter

Dark-sided friendship with @tysonchapmans

Unofficial IT for @aylinerdogan's restaurant

HEADCANONS.

Always stoned but he's so high functioning you wouldn't know it if he doesn't want you to

Crazy fluent with computers and most technology, he's everyone's go-to for troubleshooting and he can even do it over text usually

Type of person you think hates you at first but he's just got resting unimpressed face and is a little judgy but he's not at all mean or unpleasant if you actually talk to him

Unless he actually doesn't like somebody, in which case he's the first one to say something. He's got zero problem with confrontation

Prefers a smaller number of close friends to a large number of acquaintances and can be hard to get close to as he gets older because he isn't necessarily looking for new friends

Will get really excited about a new person he genuinely vibes with though

Really into music and a little pretentious about it but won't necessarily shit on what you're listening to unless you ask HGFKJHDS he's a metal head but he's also super into 80s post punk alt rock bands like Bauhaus and listens to (mostly indie) pop but is picky about it. Forever in love with Lana though

Despite being kind of aloof and not the easiest person in the world to get close to, he's a pretty sociable person. He can carry conversations easily when he wants to and has not even a touch of social anxiety so striking up conversations with strangers is a no-brainer

Has a horrible fear that his parents weren't actually good people. His maternal grandma's always been weird about talking about his dad and he's convinced it's because she didn't like him

Fucked around in high school too much and still got good grades but not as good as they could have been. He was one of those kids that frustrated teachers because he'd do well on tests and only sporadically turn in homework

His personal essay was what pushed him over the edge in his application to SFSU because otherwise he wouldn't have gotten in on his grades or extracurriculars alone

He's a great writer and has always wanted to write a book but can't get himself to actually do it and is loathe to let anyone help him or read his stuff

BIOGRAPHY.

**trigger warnings for accidental homicide, suicide, death of parents

His therapists have always told him how much repressed trauma he carries with him, but Colin doesn’t remember finding his father’s dead body in the backyard one summer morning when he was four years old, and he’s grateful for that. Pills and alcohol, he’d discovered much later, though he doesn’t know what kind and he’s grateful for that too.

Colin was born to Shane and Joyce Truman in the middle of a late August heatwave that brought Eureka’s temperature into the nineties, and with the exception of his dad’s constant battle with alcoholism, life was pretty good in the beginning. Most of Colin’s memories of those days are from the beach, with one very distinct memory of visiting the Redwoods for the first time and listening to his mom tell him about how some of the trees had been around since even before Jesus, which to Colin sounded like they were there at the beginning of time.

About a month before Colin turned five, his dad came home one morning, drunk off his ass after a night out, and hit his mom with the car while she was gardening out front. She died in the hospital a few hours later, with a stunned Colin, still in his pajamas, watching from a few feet away and his grandparents sobbing on one side of her, his dad nearly catatonic on the other. A few weeks later, on a morning two days before the court date, Colin found his dad dead in a lawn chair out in the backyard.

He went to live with his maternal grandparents, whose house was one neighborhood away but may as well have been in a different universe, as far as Colin was concerned. A place where he’d once spent fun nights with his grandparents was now his permanent home, and even though he loved them, it could never be the same.

The most terrible thing of all was that life went on, and by the time he was starting high school Colin had spent twice as long without his parents as he had with them.

He was relatively quiet but always unexpectedly charming when he felt like it, and from the time he was in grammar school all the way through his years getting first his bachelor's degree and then his Master's in computer science at SFSU, Colin kept most of the same close friends, picking up new ones here and there along the way.

Almost immediately after finishing his Master's and returning home to his grandparents' house in Eureka he landed a remote job doing software development for a large tech company based out of Seattle, and within months of settling into the job and getting comfortable with the high salary, he decided to uproot himself and try starting his own life somewhere new that wouldn't bog him down with half-formed memories.

Washington, up near the Canadian border, was somehow perfect. Not quite Seattle, but close enough in a tranquil beach town, and Fairford was an easy pick because it reminded him of Eureka if a little more touristy and populated. He's been here about a year and a half, living well but going through the motions of life and wondering what the hell he's still missing.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

A few besties

Weed smoking buddies

Computer nerd friends and/or people he's always helping with tech stuff

Someone who tries to teach him guitar or piano or smth!!!

Music lover friends

Someone who's like a direct opposite of him (really emotional and creative and passionate) and can challenge him a little

An ex from FF in the last year and a half

Anyone who thinks he's a pretentious twat

Other pretentious twats to discuss pretentious things with

Neighbors downtown

Hookups/fwb/etc