#what a solid hunk of dude

[twinkwish]

Too Cocky

“See you tonight, Jacob?” Brad asked his friend in the locker room, about to leave after practice.

“For sure, bro. I just gotta shower real quick and I’ll be there.” After their big win, the team had planned to celebrate with a bar crawl.

“Awesome, don't take too long, bro!” joked Brad. 

Jacob was always the last person in the locker room after games. He was the star of the team—talented, big, handsome—which meant he was highly complimented. Jacob loved nothing more than to walk around the locker room to the adoration of his teammates, flexing and showing off his godlike stature to earn their praise and remarks. 

With Brad out the door, Jacob finally went to take his shower. He stopped in front of the mirrors in front of the sinks lining the outside wall and began to put on a show for himself—he rarely passed up such an opportunity.

“Yeah, man. I always get such a good pump after a game,” he said to himself as he lifted his arms into a double bicep pose. He certainly had a body to be proud of. At 6’3” and 215 pounds of solid muscle, he was one of the biggest on the team. And with long blond hair and a chiseled jaw line, he was looker for sure. “Imagine what that team would be without me.”

After posing a bit longer, he walked over to the showers and undressed. He turned on the water and looked down at his beautiful cock. “Yeah, I’m definitely the biggest on the team.”

“Maybe,” commented a voice from behind.

“What the fuck!? Who’s there!?” cried Jacob, swinging himself around. 

“No one important. Just an admirer,” responded Brad.

“Oh, hey man. You freaked me out there. I thought you left.”

“I did, but I forgot my bag. When I came back, I heard you in here and thought I would see what you were up to. You put on a good show, stud.”

“You liked that, bro. You like seeing this?” he gestured to himself. “I wouldn't have pegged you for a fairy. I mean, I guess I don’t blame you.”

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for one,” said Brad with a sly smile.

At that moment, Jacob began to look at Brad in a way he hadn't before. Brad was also pretty built, standing around 6’1” on a muscular frame of around 190 pounds with a big powerful chest. Jacob gulped.

“I think I’ll join you,” added Brad. “I was going to shower at home, but might as well do it here.”

Jacob remained frozen as he stared at Brad’s tree trunk legs sliding out of his pants. He nearly drooled when Brad’s biceps squeezed as he slowly removed his tight t-shirt.

“Woah, dude,” he said finally. “You’re lookin’ swole.” He was surprised at himself. It wasn’t like him to compliment others.

“Oh yeah?” Brad answered, bouncing his pecs slightly. “I have been doing some extra training with coach.”

“It’s been payin’ off, bro. Your pecs are huge.” Again, he was surprised. His mouth hung open as his eyes hungrily studied Brad’s godlike torso. Is dick twitched a bit.

“Feel them.”

And with that, Jacob rushed eagerly over to Brad and began to submissively worship his chest, in complete admiration of the size—the power. “What is happening?” he thought to himself. “My chest bigger. I am the strongest guy on the team.” But he strangely didn’t believe that. 

Smiling that sly smile, Brad responded by flexing. Breathing deeply, he taunted, “That’s right, bitch. You just can’t get enough of me. You wish you could look like this, to feel as big and powerful as me.”

At that moment, Jakob became aware of a strange sensation. It was as if he was shrinking. He looked up at Brad, who looked taller and taller in comparison as Jakeb shrank down to 5’7”. He stepped back for a moment to see his once bulging biceps contracting. His defined, prominent chest lowered and nearly flattened out. His formerly thick thighs became much more lithe as his ass began to expand with a mixture of fat and muscle. Simultaneously, his mind was drained of all knowledge of sports and chicks while an intense focus and obsession with the hunk before him replaced it. After only a second, Jake practically leapt back towards the muscle jock, burying his head in Brad’s armpit while the jock moaned.

Brad was going through his own transformation. His joints cracked slightly as he grew a few inches taller and his feet expanded into giant size 15s. His already beefy muscles expanded even more, veins popping out of his arms as he hit a double bicep pose. “Fuck yeah, you little fairy,” Brad moaned through heavy breaths and deep grunts. “Worship a real man.”

With that, Brad pushed the twink to his knees.  Jake, excited and eager, began to suck Brad’s growing cock. 

“Take it all, slut!” he roared in a deep voice, his giant hand gripping the top of Jake’s platinum blond head while his 8” python grew in his mouth. With his other hand, Brad felt his new engorged muscles, running his fingers up his chiseled abs before groping his pecs.. “MmmmMmmM.”

Jake could only moan slightly as his mind focused on Brad’s amazing dick. The twink’s now thick, seductive lips smacked and sucked as his tongue worked its magic. His mind was filled with images of pleasuring men. Being used as a vessel, a little fucktoy. As he deep throated the expanding rod, the muscle god’s eyes rolled back in ecstasy. 

“Shit!” Brad yelled. He began to grunt, bucking his pelvis as his load exploded into the face of the submissive twink, who swallowed it in turn.

“Yaaassss, Brad!” Jake squealed in his newly high voice as he pulled away from the muscle god’s pelvis. “That was, like, so hot.”

“Huh,” he laughed. “What did you expect? That’s what you get from a body like this.”

“Mmm. Love it, stud. Hehehe. Come on, big boy. Let’s, like, go out to the bars. You can, like, use me to make the rest of the team, like, jealous.”

“We’ll catch up with them later. First I have plans for you at home,” Brad responded as he grabbed Jake’s juicy bubble butt.

They both liked the sound of those plans.

[sephirthoughts]

Sephiroth's Weight

I have been thinking about this a lot today none of your business is why and I have come to a conclusion, based on 100% scientific facts, solid evidentiary support, and total delusion: Sephiroth weighs, at the very least, 400 lbs.

I don't want to bog us down in too much scientific terminology, but that is what all of us here in the research lab refer to as a "brick shithouse" of a man.

Evidence, you say? Factual support, you demand? This is my lab who are you to make demands! But I do actually have some.

So, according to a bunch of fitness websites, the ideal weight for a 6'7" dude would be 270 lbs. However, men with a more muscular physique, such as bodybuilders, tend to weigh quite a bit more.

This is Dutch actor and tallest bodybuilder in the world, Olivier Richters, for context. He is 7'2" and weighs 350lbs.

And here is totally shredded hunk of 100% certified bio-engineered beef Sephiroth, who clocks in at between 6'7" and 7'0" (by the remake character models, not the outdated and poorly translated old guides).

We know he's slightly shorter than Olivier, and as we can see, he is a bit leaner, but not by a whole damn lot. So, why do I say he must weigh substantially more?

Two words: Ho-jo. That's right, these Hojo-made super-soldiers are built tough as fuck. Even normal humans increase their bone density with regular exercise, and these guys basically live to work out. They are constantly in training or war, lift huge amounts of weight, sustain extreme impacts of all kinds, and cut missiles in half with swords.

No amount of increased muscle strength would matter a damn, if your tissues and bones couldn't handle the extraordinary strain, so it stands to very good reason that due to the genetic fuckery and the mako treatments, their muscle and bone density is much higher than a regular human's. How much higher? How the hell would I know, I'm not a boneologist.

That's why my scientifically magnificent and flawlessly researched rough estimate is around 400 lbs for Sephi, at the very least. Am I right? Maybe. Am I fixating on a detail no one else cares about? Probably. Was this entire post an excuse to post a bunch of shirtless pictures of Sephiroth? WHAT ARE YOU THE COPS?

Anyway, here are some more shirtless pictures of Sephiroth.

[timmyrx2000]

MVP: Most Valuable Pacifica

A Gravity Falls Baseball AU one-off story

Thud. 

Ping. 

Thud. 

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S ALL OF THEM, DUDE!" Wendy called out with a grin. 

Pacifica panted, wiping the sweat from her forehead under her helmet with her batting glove. She glared at her bat like it had personally betrayed her. 

Wendy made her way over to Pacifica, who was still frozen in the batter's box, like she was glued there. "Wanna see your stats, dude?" Wendy asked enthusiastically. Pacifica didn't even look up. "Mhm… sure," she mumbled, barely audible. 

But Wendy was too caught up in her hype to notice. "Four out of ten! Pretty sick, dude!" she exclaimed, beaming. "Not too shabby for a rookie baseballer, if you ask me!" She playfully nudged Pacifica with a wink. 

"Oh… great," Pacifica muttered, her voice flat. 

Wendy finally registered the tone. Her grin faded slightly as she crouched down to Pacifica's level. "Hey, dude… you okay?" she asked, concern creeping into her voice. 

"I… it's nothing, Wendy," Pacifica tried to brush it off. "That doesn't sound like nothing to me, dude. Come on, spit it out." Wendy kept her tone light but persistent. 

Pacifica let out a frustrated sigh and mumbled, "...not good enough." "What was that?" Pacifica clenched her jaw. "Not good enough," she repeated, louder this time. "It's NEVER good enough!" 

"Whoa, easy, dude!" Wendy threw an arm around Pacifica’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "C’mon, let’s take it to the bench." 

As they walked to the dugout, Pacifica kept her grip on the bat, still glaring at it like it had personally insulted her. 

Wendy plopped down next to her, stretching her long legs out in front of her with her gloved hand squeezed gently in reassurance. "I couldn’t even get half, Wendy. Not even half!" Pacifica groaned. "Pfft, so? Four out of ten is still pretty solid, especially for Little League," Wendy shrugged.

Pacifica scoffed. "No, you don’t get it! It’s not as simple as being ‘good enough.’ You don’t know what it’s like carrying the name Northwest." She tugged at her batting gloves, like she could wring the pressure out of them. 

"Ever since I was a kid, I was always expected to be the best at everything. Mini-golf, Ms. Gravity Falls Jr., dumb spelling bees, math competitions… I don’t even like math! But Mom and Dad always said the same thing—‘You’re a Northwest. DON’T LOSE.’" Pacifica exhaled sharply, ducking her head so her batting helmet shielded her face. "I’m just… awful." 

"Hey, hey, look at me, dude." Wendy nudged Pacifica’s chin up until their eyes met. "None of that talk here, okay?" She flashed a lopsided smile. 

"Between you and me… being the best? Overrated. You win at something, ride the high for like, a few hours… then it’s gone. Just another hunk of metal on the wall." She chuckled. Pacifica still looked unconvinced, her gaze drifting downward. 

"You love playing baseball, right?" Wendy leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "Y… yeah, but I—" 

"NU-UH." Wendy cut her off with a raised finger. "None of that. None of that matters. You love playing, and we love having you here. That’s all that counts, dude." She reached up and playfully nudged Pacifica’s batting helmet back, just enough to see her face. "And being the best? That comes later. What matters right now is having a blast with the people who care about you. Who cares if you’re first, last, or somewhere in between? What matters is you’re here, Pacifica. You’re here, doing what you enjoy, and kicking butt at it." Wendy grinned and playfully punched her arm. Pacifica hesitated, but then, slowly, a smile crept onto her face. It faltered for a second. 

"But… being a Northwe—" "Not here, man." Wendy shook her head. "You’re not a Northwest here. You’re just Pacifica. And that’s all that matters."

Finally, Pacifica cracked a real, genuine smile. And almost without thinking, she leaned in and hugged Wendy—tighter than she had ever hugged anyone before. "Thanks, Wendy," she murmured, burying her face in Wendy’s jersey. "Hey, man… it’s all true," Wendy said, patting her helmet. 

Then, after a beat, she pulled back and smirked. "Oh, and by the way…" She jabbed a thumb at herself. "If you really wanna be the best, you’re gonna have to take that title from me!" Pacifica let out a chuckle, her confidence returning. With a matching smirk, she held out her fist. "You’re on." Wendy grinned and bumped it without hesitation. 

"Game on, dude."

--------------------------------

N.B.: This is my first ever attempt at full blown story fanfic writing so any feedback, comments, or suggestions are SUPER welcome. I'd love to learn from all of you especially cause this is my first shot at something like this XD

[dnightshade0]

Voltron: mermaid mischief part 2

After the first time Lance steals Keith burger, keith tells the rest of the team about it. Everyone starts laughing.

Pidge: that’s one cheeky siren we have here.

Keith: tell me about it! The bastard is a thief! What am I gonna do if he tries that again?

Shiro: maybe next time don’t leave your burger unattended. He might not try to steal it if you guard it better.

Hunk: yeah dude, don’t let him trick you into putting your burger down.

Allura: here’s an interesting thought. Why don’t you get a burger for him as well, that way he will have his own and he won’t steal yours.

Shiro: hay that’s a good idea.

Keith: huh it’s worth a shot. Ok I’ll try that.

So the next day Keith comes out to the dolphin pool with his lunch and calls out to the siren.

Lance looks at Keith from his floating platform in the center of the pool and cautiously dives into the water and approaches Keith.

Keith digs into the to-go bag, pulls out a burger and hands it to Lance.

Keith: here, this one is for you.

Lance takes the burger and bites into it happily as Keith takes out his own burger and unwraps it.

Keith: Now you have your own so you don’t have to-HAY!

Suddenly without warning, Lance snatches Keith’s burger and swims backwards as he eats both burgers cheekily.

Keith: why you!

Later Keith tells everyone what happened and they all start falling over laughing.

Pidge: LOL that siren is a real glutton.

Hunk: the burger thief strikes again! Hehehe

Shiro: what are you gonna do about it now?

Keith: I DON’T KNOW! I’m starting to think he just doesn’t want me to enjoy my burger.

Pidge: maybe you should stand out of reach when you pull out your burger.

So the next day Keith walks to the pool with his to-go bag. He had a solid plan. He’d take out Lance’s burger and give it to him, then stand up and step away before pulling out his burger.

But just as he entered the pool area, a hand from behind snatches the to-go bag out of his hand. Keith turns just in time to see the siren in human form run past him with the to-go bag, dive in the water and swim to his floating platform with to-go bag in mouth. All while managing to keep the bag from getting wet.

Keith was fuming.

Keith: you sneaky little bastard! THATS IT!

Just as lance starts to take a burger out of the bag, he sees Keith out of the corner of his eye as he jumps in the water and swims right towards Lance.

Lance lets out a startled squawk, puts the burger in the bag and puts the bag in his mouth, then jumping back in the water, swimming away from Keith.

And that is how the rest of the team found them.

They all watched in amusement as keith chases Lance around the pool in a big circle. Lance still holding the to-go bag in his mouth.

Hunk, Allura and coran laughed, Pidge recorded the whole thing with her phone and shiro covered his face with his hand as he snickered in amusement.

Eventually Keith caught up to Lance, and got on top of him. Lance yelped as he held the to-go bag out of reach with his hand and tried to fight Keith off him.

Keith climbed over Lance, trying to reach the bag. But after some struggling, Lance lost his grip and dropped it into the water.

They both watch wordlessly as the bag started to sink.

When they got to the edge of the pool, they both looked at the bag as Keith opened it to find that the burgers were now all wet, soggy and ruined.

Keith: thanks a lot you overgrown trout!

Lance responded by annoyingly trill-growling then splashing water at Keith with his tail.

———————————————————

This is a continuation of my previous skit based off of SquemonWrites fanfic Lured.

I can picture Lance being a cheeky little siren and getting into the habit of stealing Keith’s burger.

I’d highly recommend checking out squemonwrites’s story and support them by leaving comments on their fanfic.

[anextravagantliar]

veilguard spoilers ahead - as it has been fifteen days and Knife time

I haven't been explicit with the words, even though y'all know my thoughts.

I am glad he's dead. Oh my God.

NOW ONLY WE the people CAN FUCK WITH HIM

I cried like a baby the first thirty minutes because Tepid got the first run, and I will tell you this: Tepid said wait, hold on, but as soon as Solas opened his big mouth, I was like yep, he's cooked, put me in the ground too.

Let's briefly break it down to explain why I clocked it in as the knife went in. Peepaw is fifty-one— at most fifty-two at the start of datv, and he chooses to walk up a set of stairs and get into a hand fight with a man with a loaded gun. One, he's not that strong anymore. Rook helped him up over a barrier - which can be chalked up to being nice, but if we're playing in this sand box here's the truth - peepaw has been on a horse and walking around Thedas because Charter said so and is not in great shape at the start of DATV. He's tired, and this is an exhausted man's last march; you can call it if you listen and hear Varric ask Rook to take care of the team. Okay, Phil Coulson, see you in Agents of Shield for some reason.

To be honest with you Varric could have taken Solas in a fight in the middle of DAI - but to me that stops at the well.

Solid delivery and diabolical, very few notes. I love the elves, but I hate the skirting they get. Solas I am kissing you on your big bald dumb head, there are at least four ways around what you have to do and I love that you pick the messiest way each time. My favourite ending for him is the one where he goes a bit loony toon villain at the end. I get he was mad, but it's the same thing as the blood magic line; I listened to your funny words in Haven, magic man; I know who you are. Maybe. You're the star of the show. You're awful and the worst. Cried like a baby when Tepid's Inky and Solas chose to go to fade jail together.

I liked all the companions, but you can guess who I was most happy to have in the party at all times. Banter was good, I wish the team had more time to bicker and grow, but that's a me thing. Shorter timeline for this game than the last three - likely weeks or months rather than months and years.

However, I do not personally like the way Varric's death was handled outside of this. It makes my former little medical brain go mad because what do you mean your companions are just off letting Rook talk to what I assume is a table and a bed as Bianca is canonically in Harding's care - as the Xenon wants to buy her arms even in pieces. My dude, Rook, is so massively concussed. As I have had a concussion that should have killed me - someone should have been watching Rook a touch closer. Also, my gripe with DAI and having Inky wake up on a bedroll to the four idiots fighting in the snow, and then Sunday School breaks out.

I know what is happening here, and I understand why they wrote it this way as Phil Coulson'd him into the lauder of Heroes in the Great Big Sky. The good thing is I can be critical of their choices, KNOW why they made them due to pressures from EA, and then carry on with my boat.

I am fine with his death, I think it's apt as they couldn't keep all the choices, and Blabbermouth knows like everyone. Catch the one string to Rook? POWER IMBALANCE.

So what does this mean for me?

Nothing.

This blog is here to stay - and my swerve verse is simple. If you want a DATV verse, great. Peepaw is alive, and he's got a massive hunk of lyrium in his chest, or he's rattling around with Solas saying shitty things because they're stuck, and he's about to either commit a crime or figure out if he can be the crime committed.

Also, doubling down, I have built six years of Kirkwall, and I'm sinking with that ship. I'm taking Sid and Nik with me, and that's it.

Sorry.

[discordiansamba]

Hunk, holding up a piece of alien fruit: Hey, what do you think this is? It looks kind of like an apple.

Keith, taking it from him and taking a bite: Doesn't taste like an apple. Tastes more like avocado skin, but with a different texture.

Pidge: ...why do you know what avocado skin tastes like?

Lance, rolling his eyes: Because mullet will literally eat anything you put in front of him.

Keith: That's not true. I didn't eat the paladin lunch. It felt like it would start squirming if I looked at it wrong.

Lance: dude, I saw you pick up a worm off the ground and eat it once. since when do you care about squirming?

Pidge: I'm sorry. WHAT.

Keith: Hey, worms are a good source of nutrients. Also it's different if the thing squirms but isn't alive.

Hunk: That is a solid point. Also what does avocado skin taste like?

Keith: Bad.

Lance: ...and yet I notice you're still eating the space apple.

Keith: Can't waste food.

[measureyourlifeincake]

May your old computer rest in peace (?)

yeah so the thing about my old computer is that i bought it a year ago bc my old-old one was running out of storage space and was just lowkey crappy, so i asked my brother to help me look at specs to figure out what would be a "good computer" and i found one that seemed good for a decent price*(it was some kinda dell inspiron. the old-old computer was a different dell inspiron)—yknow, decent amount of RAM, solid state drive, good processor, all that stuff—but it just like...kinda sucked? pretty much from day one. it ran super slowly, couldn't do a video call half the time, and im not much of a gamer but it couldnt run disco elysium (i'm no expert on this sort of thing, but i feel like disco elysium shouldnt be that hard to run on a modern pc? it doesnt seem like theres that much going on there, as far as games go).

so anyway, i was making do with that hunk of junk, when i tried to open it and the hinge totally broke out of nowhere. i brought the thing to best buy and the geek squad dude was like "you should call dell bc you have warranty and this is a known problem with these things so they could probably replace the part for free, but if you get it fixed here it'll cost money" so i called dell and they were like "yeah thats not covered by your warranty but we'll have the warranty guy call you back tomorrow" and then the warranty guy never called me back so i was like. welp. and i went back to using my old-old computer and honestly it runs better than my new-old computer did so i was like "why spend any money getting that thing fixed (or make myself push through executive dysfunction enough to follow up with dell and see if they can get it fixed for free) when im just gonna have a still-shitty computer by the end of it and I already have a working computer?" so i'm back to this old one and the new-old one has been collecting dust on a shelf while i waited to get a new-new one

so when black friday was nearing i decided to look at lenovos (bc a friend who knows more about computers than i do recommended the brand) and spent a long time just staring at and comparing different laptops bc i only know a little bit about this and was freaking out bc the specs looked FINE last time and i STILL dont know why my computer sucks (like. it was a newer model with a better processor and more ram than my old-old computer. by all rights it should NOT be running worse) so i just kinda crossed my fingers and hoped (i ended up getting one that is maybe a little more higher-end than is probably necessary for my purposes out of fear that anything lower would Mysteriously Suck. hopefully this one lasts for a good long while)

anyway at least lenovo seems to have a reputation for being durably built, so i probably wont have broken hinges (ive had several dells and multiple hinge/other hardware problems)

so yeah rest in fucking pieces or whatever

*you'll note that i bought it nearly exactly a year ago. i have been making use of black friday/cyber monday deals lol

[corpserites]

⠀⠀⠀HE'S ABOUT TO SHUT HER DOWN AS SOON AS HE HEARS THE WORDS 'HELPING' AND 'HAND' IN A SENTENCE TOGETHER, but the change in her tone quiets his protests before they can start, believe it or not. normally he'd have gotten up and left already, so this is all very, very strange anyway. namely his willingness to entertain whatever this conversation is about to be, but jason's sort of dying to know where this is all going. he flicks a pink hunk of meat from his fingernail down to the floor and folds his arm back over his chest.

⠀⠀⠀"you're bein' real vague, julia. explain to me what you mean by a helping hand. and why you think i need one, while we're at it,"

⠀⠀⠀despite the dismissive tone, he likes the sound of not fucking with authority. most people in this city don't, so it's not a quality that particularly stands out to him, he'd give her a solid fist bump for it any other time — motivation to hurt people, though? he can work with that. he has a lot of it, himself. he's basically an expert, if you ask him, and—

⠀⠀⠀...oh, no fucking way, dude. he's realizing maybe a little too late that this is a job interview of sorts and he's the big red boss sat across from a prospective vigilante newbie. so she's insane, he decides. does she know anything about the red hood, like at all? his public image is the worst out of every vigilante in this city, and she's coming to him? he laughs, and it sounds kind of unhinged. this has to be a joke, right?

⠀⠀⠀"...are you trying to be my fucking sidekick or something?"

PERMISSION GRANTED. Julia—with some amount of grace, despite the general stickiness of everything at the diner, especially at this late-to-the-point-of-nonsensical hour—slides into the booth. She sits with her back straight, her hands folded in front of her. She looks disgustingly serious; he, of course, does not.

So it's a little humiliating, her all-business attitude, how much she cares about this when his interest is barely hanging on by a single thread. She tries not to let it get to her head, make her all twitchy and nervous. She can fucking do this. She's survived much, much worse.

"No, I know you don't do interviews, don't do press at all. Nobody's been able to pin you down—if they even got here fir—"

Disgusted by his renegade flossing, she pauses to purse her lips. Meanwhile, he goes on.

"Unfortunately," she sighs, "I don't have any leads on bar mitzvahs coming up. — but I do know somebody who'd be willing to lend a helping hand. Somebody else who doesn't fuck with authority, and who is very, very fucking motivated to hurt who they're trying to hurt."

She speaks quietly, urgently.

[kindahoping4forever]

Ash @ Take My Hand Gold Coast

[bigwishes]

Can I have a wish? I love stereotype transformations. Can you use your magic to make me the biggest parody of frat bro? The whole life of partying, beer drinking, working out and horrible manners. The only thing I request is to be DUMB. Like the definition of fucking idiot. Unable to think without someone commanding me like the dumb animal I am.

Well of course. So you wanna be a frat boi? well you'll need to join a frat to do that and I know some guys who are looking for new members, if you'd like to meet them?

The three blokes standing right in front of you are Danny, Dan and Daniel. You were a little intimidated by the three hulking hunks but when they started talking they were a lot more welcoming than you thought.

"hey bro, looking to sign up to a frat?" "yeah bro, signing up can do awesome stuff like cut your fees down" "hu hu hu hu" "don't mind Daniel, he's errr" "Hungover!" "Yeah hungover!" "hu hu hu hu" "So wanna sign up?" "we'll even chuck in a free body transformation"

You took a moment to think but slashing fees down AND getting someone help get you into shape! That's a deal you were willing to take. You follow Danny through the crowd to the sign up station. You see Dan grab Daniel by the hand and drag him along too. You reached the sign up station and had a board pushed into your chest by Danny. You hesitated staring at Daniel stopped, slouching into Dan drooling all over his chest.

"Don't mind my boyfriend, he has messy hangovers" "mmmm lov yoouuuuuuu"

You were trying to read over the conditions of the sign up but couldn't focus over Danny yelling to bros walking by and the sounds of Dan dealing with his slurping slobbering boytoy. You just signed thinking if there were any issues you'd deal with them in the semester break. As you dotted your signature everything felt strange, the world spun and you fell forward into a wall of solid muscle.

"wo-ah bro, I got you" you felt thick fingers running through your hair as you passed out. ________________________________________

You came too in a dark basement, your first thought was those blokes stole your kidneys and plan to sell them. You body felt weird, a pain all over, tight. You had no idea what was going on until you stepped in front of a mirror. There you were, stripped down to your underwear but it wasn't you....but IT WAS YOU. You don't know what happened, or what came over you but you couldn't help but flex all this new found muscle mass in front of the mirror.

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BROOOOOOOOOOO" WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? you had never yelled or spoken like that before. You tried to think of any other words but every time you spoke out loud some form of bro, bruh, or dude came out of your mouth. Moments later a door opened at the top of the stairs of the basement. Danny, Dan and Daniel were all standing looking down at you posing.

"Enjoying the new bod bro?" "hu hu hu" "Put some clothes on stud, we're goin partyin"

There was something about Danny, the way he was smirking, like he had more planned but fuck you couldn't resist taking this new body for a spin and you we're hoping your new 3 frat bros would help you pick up some guy to stick your new massive meat into.

-----------------------------------

At the party your body almost went on auto pilot, downing every kind of booze you could get your hands on, a master of beer pong and flexing for anyone who'd look at you. You were also acting like an absolute ass hole. One guy from another frat came up to ask you how much you bench and your first reaction to him was to burp in his face.

"More than you pipsqueak now fuck off I'm trying to get some hotties"

With how you were acting guys that were originally interested in you were now starting to turn away. You behaviour only got worse as you drank more. You began slurring your words and grabbing onto guys, blatantly asking them for ass, ab or dick picks for your spank bank. You'd never felt like this but it felt incredible. You lifted up your shirt loading it over your pecs and began to parade around demanding some bloke do shots off your abs.

Eventually Danny came round to you and pulled you into a side room.

"woah there big fella, trying to give away all that prime beef?" "why do you care bro" "dude, all I'm sayin is a body like that aint for playing its for keeping with another hot stud"

Danny bit down on his lip and put a massive muscled hand on your chest.

"Dude! are ya just gonna stand there lookin, or ya gonna...buy a slab of beef?"

Next thing you knew your pants were around your ankles, Danny had slid a condom over your down 8inch meat and began giving you the best hand job of your life.

"Aw, bro, whats the point of a condom for a handy?" "Just wait and see bro"

You were in absolute heaven and it was getting better and better by the second. If this is what being a frat boy was, no if this is what being a fuck boy was you never want to go back. Before you knew it you were seconds away from blowing your load. "Bro take the condom off, I don't want this first load to be held back" "Will you be my boyfriend?" "HUH?!?!, BRO CAN WE DO THIS LATER" "Dude, don't be a fucking pussy and say yes, you'll get a reward" You were thinking if you said yes he'd let you finish on his big muscled chest and abs, the idea of seeing a big lad like Danny covered in your cum would be so fucking hot.

"Yes, yes, I'll be your boyfrieeeennndddd"

The moment you said it you blasted into the condom. It was disappointing, you missed the chance to cover the stud and make him beg for more but something was weird. Your dick was still pulsing like you were gonna blow another load, Your head began to pound, at first you thought it was the booze but it was worse than any drinking headache. You dug your hands into Danny's thick traps for support and he continued to jerk you before you shot another load. The best feeling orgasm of your life, you moaned in ecstasy. Looking down you noticed the clear condom was filled with a pink liquid.

"Wha- what the fuuuuuuuu-"

Your jaw fell open, slack, as your tongue slipped to the edge of your lips. A river of drool quickly ran down you chin and onto your pecs. You let go of Danny and stood there. Shoulder's hunched forward and drool running down your abs. Danny tied the condom off that was filled like a water balloon with the thick pink cream and bounced it in front of your blank eyes.

"Whaddup babe? cum your fucking brains out" "Hu hu hu, yeaaa" _________________________________________ A few months had gone buy and you did nothing more than lift weights, drink, suck Danny's dick and threaten to beat up any guy who hit on your new boyfriend. You'd become nothing more than a moronic fucking asshole frat boy obsessed with servicing his king's every need and today his need was a bodyguard. Danny could handle himself but him and Dan always loved to have you and Daniel close by, They loved the show when their two moron boy toys growl and grumble making every other frat on campus too scared to try and get guys away from their sign up table.

Danny had left you by the pool, to make sure everyone could see you and all your size. Whilst you were intimidating if people got too close to Danny on your own you were no threat. In fact people spent the whole afternoon walking by laughing at you as you'd had the same drink since you sat down but hadn't drunk so much as a mouthful and you couldn't workout how to get your mouth around the straw, let alone work out how to get the drink in your mouth if you ever got your lips around the straw.

There you go mate, you have become a dumb horny frat himbo, programmed to party, work out and do anything your boyfriend commanded you too.

[xiaoshengnu]

𝕾𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝕾𝖓𝖔𝖜 𝕾𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖊 - final review

overview : EPISODE NO. - 38 episodes GENRE - wuxia 

Xu Fengnian is the first born son of the fearsome warlord Xu Xiao, the Duke of Beiliang- and probably the biggest hunk of scum in the whole empire. despite his father being a great martial artist and warlord, Xu Fengnian can’t wield a sword to save his life, he’s shameless, he's lazy, he’s an all-round playboy- he’s a good for nothing. 

or so everyone believes. 

l⃣e⃣ t⃣’ s⃣    b⃣e⃣g⃣i⃣n⃣

I love this drama so much- despite handling pretty serious situations that are matter of life and death, it’s so so so funny and chaotic. Sword Snow Stride is a drama which follows Xu Fengnian’s growth from a reluctant though highly intelligent heir of the duchy Beiliang to it’s capable, cunning and yes, shameless, future ruler. The writing of the show is so clever, and plot twists and political mechanisms are incredibly entertaining to watch. 

o⃣u⃣t⃣     o⃣ f⃣     t⃣ e⃣ n⃣

𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙 - 9/10

𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 - 10/10

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 - 7/10

𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 - 7/10

𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕖 - 8.25

o⃣u⃣t⃣    o⃣ f⃣    f⃣ i⃣v⃣ e⃣

𝖍𝖎𝖉𝖉𝖊𝖓 𝖌𝖊𝖒 𝖛𝖆𝖑𝖚𝖊 - 💎💎💎

[ I don’t think the drama went out of it’s way to be unique, although the plot is incredibly incredibly good and one whole pretty solid. the humour was incredible though, so a three gems ]

𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖆𝖙𝖈𝖍 𝖛𝖆𝖑𝖚𝖊 - ✨✨✨✨

[ the chaotic energy and humour is top tier what can I say ]

‘keep reading’ for detailed review

I don't think I have ever laughed so much watching a drama before- this drama, despite everything, is a comedy show. Every moment in this drama can feature in a fan made “on crack” video without fail. 

jkjk 

and I am exaggerating- just a little. It’s wuxia and also a ‘no-class-boundaries!’ kind of drama which I think is pretty snazzy of the scriptwriter. Xu Fengnian and the Beiliang’s ideology disregards snobs, rejects higher power and social norms- which is very cool of them and I support that dude.

Like, it has everything- plot? You got it. Really cool characters? You got it. Humour? You got it. An actual message? You got that too.

𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙 - 9

From the very beginning this show opened with a bang- the way it introduced everything was super super cool and engaging and so funny too. 

I felt really sad that I couldn’t give this show a full 10/10 on plot ( tbh no one can ever give any drama’s plot a perfect score) bcs there were some points where the plot fell through. Especially towards the last few episodes where Fengnian was saved one too many times and done so many favours in the name of his mother it began to feel a little- just no.

Nevertheless the rest of the logic was all in one piece, all the politics and all the scheming and the logic-ing of the characters was SO CLEVER. It was so so so fun to watch- it was fantastic. I can’t express how much I dig the way the things were revealed in this show. It had you thinking the whole time and I personally felt I learnt quite a bit from the show and Fengnian- as a person.

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 - 7

GUYS. EVERYONE IN THIS DRAMA-

AMAZING, SHOWSTOPPING, SPECTACULAR, NEVER THE SAME- 

Just. Incredible. They were all so fleshed out with such a strong sense of personality and identity. I love them all- that's all I can ever say or I will be here for ages.

AND THE WOMEN IN THIS DRAMA- LIKE- OMG-

they're so coooool.

I do have one complaint though, and it is that while drama has so many wonderful warrior women, most are not given any real power of their own. Their skills and their abilities ultimately serve to further Xu Fengnian’s progress and story. If not Xu Fengnian, then it’s Xu Xiao. Yes I know it’s a male lead story, yes I know we’re in ancient China, but perhaps we could have some acknowledgment that women’s contribution is often disregarded, or maybe a fun morally grey woman who just also wants to fight society and change her life?

And especially Jiang Ni (who is great btw), who really just exists to be Xu Fengnian’s love interest despite her very important background and I just think it's really sad. 

But besides this, the characters here-

Chefs kiss.

𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 - 10

All the actors were fantastic. I don’t think there was anyone who really overdid their character or anything- they were all so good. The cast’s energy throughout the drama was simple and naturalistic. My absolute favourite has to be the actor who played Xu Fengnian’s dad Xu Xiao- he was so good and so hilarious.

I really loved Zhang Rouyun (Xu Fengnian) acting as well, I really liked his performance at the start. He doesn’t place beauty and grace at the forefront of his acting and didn’t care if he looked less than perfect which I appreciate a lot after the slew of perfect beauty you get in xianxia dramas. Though he does have his ‘I’m super cool and majestic’ moments where he does try to think about how he looks on camera, the vibe I got from him was very authentic.

𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 - 7

I LOVE THE PRODUCTION. I love the filter, I love the music- which is so... idk how to describe it. It perfectly encapsulates the vibe of snowy mountains, bamboo and swords and wind- The whole vibe is so calm and natural, it really makes you face the power and vastness of nature, the small, no-music fengshui montages that are scattered throughout the drama are so calming as well. 

But. The fight scenes... are very choppy. They’re not especially smooth- with an exception of Nangong Pushe, of course. Lots of them are literally people just standing there and raising their hands and spitting blood, like, T-T why. You are a wuxia drama; kindly use those weapons T-T. But oh well. At least they look cool when they stand there and raise their hands. 

And can we talk about Xu Fengnian’s lil’ catfish stands? WHAT WERE THE COSTUME DESIGNERS THINKING?

.

.

.

.

.

and now its time for..... drumrolllll

✨ 𝖋𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 ✨

okay. okay. this drama is a nightmare for picking your 3 favourite characters THERE’S TOO MANY COOL PEOPLE- IT PHYSICALLY PAINS ME TO-

li chungang [ if anything happens to this old man next season, I'm starting a riot. ]

the whole xu family [ yes. all of them. xu xiao, xu fengnian, xu longxiang, xu zhihu, xu weixiong their family dynamic is hilarious and all of them are amazing people- and yes I am cheating ]

nangong pushe [ yes empty character, but she’s really cool- let me fangirl in peace ]

ⓦⓗⓔⓡⓔ ⓣⓞ ⓦⓐⓣⓒⓗ

YouTube : free, eng subbed

Rakuten Viki : free, eng subbed

WeTV : free, eng subbed + more

E⃣   X⃣   T⃣   R⃣   A⃣ sourced from mdl

Adapted from web novel "The Snowy Path of the Heroic Blade" (雪中悍刀行) by Feng Huo Xi Zhu Hou (烽火戏诸侯)

𝖘𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖓𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊𝖗 - Wang Juan ( writer of Duoluo Continent)

𝖉𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖔𝖗 - Song Xiaofei 

[selvie-blue]

Paul, The Naked Savior - Part 6 (finale)

And finally, the last part of this tale to finish up the story prompt from @gaystoryfull

Now, we're at the present moment. Me standing here as if I have anything to think over. I see how close that concrete tentacle is getting to that woman's leg.

I take one deep breath. In this moment, I think, What if one of those tentacle things get a hold of me?

Would it be like the guardians? They couldn't hurt me? But it told me it wasn't anything like the guardians. So maybe, just maybe, it can hurt me.

All of this I think in that breath that I take. I then exhale and just start walking. I look straight forward, which part of me has to think is a very stupid thing to do, but I might not be able to do it otherwise.

I walk with a determination and speed I've never walked with before. I don't even look down to see if my clothes are vanishing. It doesn't matter, because I can feel it happening.

The wind is being felt more against my skin. I can still feel the fabric of my attire, but it's starting to feel lighter. As if the threads are getting weaker. I can actually feel the collar of my shirt drifting away from my neck. The flesh on my legs shaking in the firm grip of my calves. I do a lot of walking, so it shows. I'm sure, it's showing even more now.

Then, my penis. I can feel it start to sway a little more. It still feels encapsulated by my underwear, but that last piece of clothing is starting to feel as if it's expanding away. I can feel the firmness of my butt bounce more freely. The air being blown against my bare ass. Or getting to be bare.

Then, within seconds the sky lightens and the wind stops blowing as harshly.

I look up and the sky, it's bright again. The sun's out, again.

My relief is interrupted by a scream.

I look around me and everyone is looking back at me. Some faces look shocked. Other look amused.

I then direct my eyes down. I've got nothing on except my sandals. Everything is out, now. My pubic hair blowing in the breeze with my dick swaying, slightly in the wind.

I then hear familiar laughter. My friends: Chuck, Nick, Lester, and Harry.

“What is this?” Chuck says as the others look onward obviously entertained by the state I'm in.

“Dude, umm, this, ugh, this isn't clothing optional,” Lester says.

“We should get him a towel,” Harry says.

I nod, appreciatively.

Chuck puts a hand up. “Now wait a minute.”

Chuck looks at me as he places a hand on my shoulder.

Did I mention that my friends are attractive? Chuck's a Nordic-looking blonde. Blue eyes. Has lips that look like strawberries and these soft eyebrows. Harry is true to his name. Broad shouldered with short, nearly black hair and a pretty hairy chest. He usually has a few buttons undone, so his chest hair often peaks out. Nick's a redhead. Got this flaming red hair and a full beard. Hazel eyes and fair skin. Has a pretty solid build. And Lester is just a grad-A hunk. Got a strong jaw line with spiked hair. He usually wears shirts that cling pretty tightly to his muscular physique.

Chuck curves a smile. “I think our friend, Paul, here, needs to celebrate his first time being naked in public.”

As he says this, I can feel his hand on my cock. His fingers are on the bottom of it, delicately stroking it. I part my lips as my breathing begins to shudder and my heart is racing for a different reason, now. I can feel my dick inflating and plumping up as my skin begins to shiver with my breathing as he keeps delicately stroking my hardening skin with his fingers.

My other friends, I'm noticing, aren't trying to stop Chuck. In fact they seem to be kind of into it. They smile slyly while they're eyes almost seem to be salivating and I can feel their hunger. I want to say something, want to do something in protest. But in the back of my mind, I know that this has to be. That if I don't let this happen, then the planet's a goner.

I close my eyes and try to picture I'm alone. That's hard (pun intended, I guess) with hearing everyone else. I'm hearing surprised laughter and some even snapping pics? I try to put that out of my mind. Mentally practicing on this mantra: for the good of the planet, for the good of the planet. I'm even starting to get the feeling that my friends aren't acting like this on their own. That perhaps we're all part of this cosmic design. Like some kind of intergalactic peep show.

Chuck's stroking hand is starting to grasp my cock harder and pull the skin faster. My body is being tugged back and forth. The rim of flesh around around my dick whispering this excitable friction just underneath the head of my circumcised dick. The slit is starting to become slick and wet and I can hear how it's causing the back and forth motion of Chuck's hand to suddenly have this sound embodying the slang term “fap.” I can't even hear what anyone is saying, now. I'm too far gone into the moment.

I've still got my eyes closed as I angle my head up to the sky. My mouth starting to prop open. The shaft is going from hard to solid. The veins in my throbbing shaft beginning to scream. It's pushing up against the slit, drooling out of it's inflamed vertical mouth. Until it is pushing past the point I can't take it anymore. My whole body convulses forward as the hot, thick liquid explodes from the head. The pouring white ooze encases the head as Chuck continues to rub, slathering on my skin.

I pop open my eyes and look down. It's spilling out from Chuck's still firm grip as he lets go. My dick is now jumping up on its own as a few remaining strands of semen slowly drops from the now shiny head.

I look forward and see my friends. Some are saying that was hot, others are just in shock while Chuck wipes what came out of me off his hand. And then I begin to see their faces change. They look at me as if they've just realized I was naked.

“Paul, wha-what are you doin' here, man!? And where are you clothes!?” Harry says.

Chuck is the only one that seems to have remembered what happened and looks to me with this knowing smile. Like he's mentally communicating to me that he'll see me… later.

I look to the concrete grounding and notice one of my droplets of splooge. And that piece of concrete is moving. It's what remains of one of those tentacles as it sinks back into the earth and quickly restores the ground to what it once was. They'll never know what I just saved them from.

[radiobuzz]

100 Prompt Challenge:  #1 - The Variants of Vampires

     “This is all your fault, Dib-worm!”

     “Shut up and let me catch it!”

    Furious screaming fills the air as Dib and Zim run wildly within the shed. The green skinned alien had all four PAK legs out and was using them to simultaneously stab at the air and crawl over an old, musty, tipped over couch. The other boy, as a human, was having a much harder time trying to chase after his frenzied inhuman partner with a bug net. Sticky, dripping, honey was being kicked, thrown, and smeared about with every hectic movement, covering everything in the shed including the two boys.

    With the ferocity of Zim’s wild movements, his black wig was thrown discarded onto the creaky, wooden flooring and Dib was unfortunate enough to step right on it, foot flying out from under him and narrowly missing the broken mason jar as his body collided with the ground. At this same moment, a piece of the crumbling ceiling that Zim had stabbed into with his metal claws came loose and sent him tumbling down on top of the human. All of the air was forced out of Dib’s lungs with a heaving gasp at the impact, but he just felt lucky that it was Zim’s front. He could handle the alien’s weird, bony body but the solid, metal PAK on his back beaming down into his ribs surely would have done much worse damage. As for Zim, he was much more frantically preoccupied with the situation at hand to be any more than moderately annoyed with suddenly being tangled up on the floor with the pale, fleshy Dib. 

    Blinking the pained tears out of his eyes, Dib saw movement out of the corner of his vision. Dib had no time to recover fully before Zim began furiously writhing, trying to remove himself from the pile of limbs they had made, and started back up on his screeching protests. The human didn't get to properly understand what was happening when manic laughter filled the room and a small robot was suddenly hurtling through the air. Dib knew right before it happened what the bot was planning, but there was no chance for him to protest against the hunk of metal ruining the mission before it was done.

    Gir ate the vampire bee queen.

    There was a good long moment spent in silence, with the exception of heavy panting from the boys trying to catch their breath and little giggles coming from the SIR Unit. Neither of them said anything, silently processing what had occurred over the course of the last forty seconds. Dib stared in disbelief at the little robot standing before him. It just patted away at its stomach as if it ate a delicious snack and didn’t just destroy the evidence the paranormal investigator had been trying to catch the past three days for his mission. 

    Finally, with a drawn out groan, Dib broke the silence and let his head fall to the floor, face laying flat against the splintery wood. “I almost had it!” his moan was muffled by the wood.

    “Almost had it?!” Dib became all too aware of the alien still laying across his back when Zim lurched to sit up and groaned again at the pain in his spine. “That thing was trying to kill Zim, Dib-Filth!”

    “It was a bee, dude. Get off of me!”

    Zim made no attempt to get off of his back and instead seemed to lean even more weight into his shoulders as he obnoxiously scoffed in ridicule. “Oh, now it is ‘just a bee’”, Zim shifted his voice to an annoying high pitch in an attempt to mock Dib. “But when Zim said that this mission of yours was stupid and we should get slushies, this bee”, he spits out the word with disgusted venom, “Was a ‘dangerous entity that needed to be brought in for the safety of allll!’”

    “I TASTES LIKE BUZZING!”

    Gir’s screech cuts off any further argument as they both turn to look at the robot again. The human sighs, knowing he is not going to get anywhere with this and that the mission was already a bust anyways. It was all going well before. Dib had tracked down where the nest was at an old shed abandoned out in the middle of the woods and had placed a trap with a jar of honey to lure it. The vampire bee was actually even in the trap when everything had gone wrong. To sum it all up, the trap wasn’t as secure as Dib thought it was, the jar of honey was smashed and covered Zim in the sticky substance, Zim flipped out and enraged the bee, triggering everything that then happened. All in all, Dib was a failure.

    “Whatever”, Dib finally sat up, throwing the alien off of him and tumbling back to the floor. The brunet turned to inspect his partner. Honey covered every square inch of green skin. The human eye contacts had been discarded, too much of the shiny food on them probably to even see out of them clearly. Zim wasn’t looking at Dib at this moment, too busy trying to scrape himself clean. The sticky gross feeling slowly made itself known on Dib’s own body as a blob of the nectar dripped from his hair onto his face. He shuddered at the knowledge that he will have to drive all of the way home before getting clean. What a disappointment this all turned out to be. 

    “Can we just, I don’t know, get those slushies now?”

    With a growl, Zim snapped up to glare at him, mouth already open to probably chew him out for dragging him here. The alien stops though. For a long few seconds, Zim just stares with something that is not quite a scowl. Dib feels much too upset to bring himself to look back at the alien. 

    Looking away again, Zim grunts. “We are a mess”, Dib knows that already and frowns. “But Zim would like a slushy”.

    The boy looks up. “Is that a yes?”

    Zim waves him off and sticks his nose in the air. “The Dib-stink will be paying of course”. That's good enough for Dib. “And Zim wants the cotton candy flavor!” The moment almost feels light again as the two make their way to the door of the shed. The day wasn’t what he was hoping for, but now he is just looking forward to grabbing a slushy with Zim, cleaning off at home, and probably the two watching a movie before the alien returns to his base for the night. Yeah, Dib can live with this, he thinks.

    That is, until Gir says, “My tummies don’t feels so good”, and promptly burps up the still alive vampire bee.

[xamassed]

good food. ( inspired by @demonsofdevildom )

She had almost forgotten about it. After many hours spent slogging through mathematics, seductive speechcraft, illusions, potions and the handful of other classes she barely paid attention to, it was understandable that a small memory from early in the morning would fade into obscurity somewhere in the back of her already clouded mind.

Sadly, once lunchtime rolled in, the famished demon couldn’t ignore the small, plastic container sitting at the bottom of her bag. Spotting it wedged between her books, her dread swelled to uncomfortable proportions.

❝I forgot you were in there. . .❞

She pulled the container out and lifted it high, eyes peering through the clear portion. There, stuck to the bottom and sweating, was a large piece of charred meat. Deer, she recalled. The hunt from that weekend had been a fruitful one, and she had been glad for it. No jobs and no menial chores to breeze through meant no grimm, and no grimm meant no cafeteria lunches — at least for a little while. She didn’t mind. If she wanted to keep her senses keen and sharp, she needed to wander the wilds of the Devildom and hunt the way she had when she was nothing more than a simple bear. Only difference now was that her beastly form as faster, stronger and ten times more fun to be in.

No amount of hunting and the thrill of remembering could make what she had cooked up that morning taste any better, unfortunately.

❝Why am I so bad at cooking? It’s not that hard.❞ Anita peeled the lid off the container and was immediately hit with the tongue-drying scent of ash. Her nose wrinkled at the stench, but she knew that it was all she had to eat between classes. Either she gnashed and tore her way through the leathery piece of meat to satisfy her hunger, or she went without and risked becoming grumpy for the rest of the day.

The former option was best, she knew this. 

As she was about to yank a portion off with her teeth, however, she realized with a start that she wasn’t alone. Sitting across from her, perched on a similar-looking stone bench, was a vaguely familiar figure. Hair the shade of sand after the waves rolled past, eyes bright and blue despite sitting in a stony expression, and clothes so elegant and white they made her feel soiled just by glimpsing them. His name eluded her, but she recalled two important facts: he was new, and he was an angel.

Sitting with someone in the courtyard wasn’t an issue, and neither was it the first time. She could have gone on to eat her sad excuse for a lunch and ignored him, except he seemed strangely intent on watching her. It was unnerving, having a glare as steely as his trained on her.

❝You good, dude?❞

He didn’t answer, but his gaze remained firm. It made her uneasy, but that unease began to creep into irritation. Any longer, and it was sure to morph into unreasonable rage. ❝Seriously, what’s your deal?❞

❝What is that?❞ He finally spoke, tone flat as he pointed towards the container in her lap.

❝Oh.❞ She sucked in a calming breath, willed herself not to fly into a rage over something as silly as staring, and lifted the hunk of meat with her fork. ❝Venison. No, wait. It used to be venison.❞

❝Deer meat?❞

❝Mhmm. Dunno what I’d call it now ‘cause I messed up cooking it this morning.❞ She shrugged, as if that fact didn’t disappoint her. Somewhere, deep down, it did.

❝It looks fine to me.❞

Anita gaped, earthen eyes flicking between the angel and the meat that looked more like the sole of a shoe. ❝You’re kidding me.❞

❝I don’t kid.❞ He gathered up his own mess and made a solid beeline for her. With a spot open on the bench, he welcomed himself into her space. Old habits and preconceptions made her shudder at the proximity. He was a pure and enlightened being, and the thought of being near one always made her chest fill with small, disgusting bubbles — not because she disliked angels, but because she didn’t want to sully them.

❝What did you come over here for?❞ There was no room to inch away, so she settled for leaning in the opposite direction.

❝Can I try it?❞ He made the request so clearly and concisely that it prompted a bark of laughter from the onikuma.

❝No! Look at it, it’ll take your puny little jaw ten years to chew through this!❞

❝I doubt that.❞ He paused, observed the hunk of meat in silence, then tried again. ❝Please.❞

❝You’re serious?❞ Anita knew she was already on thin ice with her awful grades, fluctuating attendance and spotty behavioral record. The last thing she needed was a murder of an angel on her hands. ❝You might get sick.❞

❝Do you assume all angels have weak constitutions?❞ He arched one, thick brow and held his hand out. Anita felt her own stomach pinch, partially out of guilt and mostly out of apprehension. This felt like a horribly moronic idea, but he seemed certain that her awful cooking wouldn’t mean his demise.

❝Fine. Here.❞ She held the fork out, and he took it without hesitation. The next second, his blunt teeth sank into the tough meat with little resistance. He yanked, the portion tearing away effortlessly. Flecks of blackened skin and muscle fell away, staining his lower lip as he chewed, chewed, chewed.

He didn’t gag, he didn’t spit the bite out. He swallowed it, let out a considerate hum, then tore another chunk away.

Anita watched with her jaw slack, her horror slowly shifting to confusion, to concern.

❝How are you eating that?❞

❝It’s good. I like it.❞ An easily given answer for an easy question. ❝I don’t know why you were hesitating to eat it.❞

❝I burned it,❞ breathed the demon in awe, ❝and I’m pretty sure I added too many spices. Are you already sick? Did you get dropped on your head a lot, or what?❞

The angel blinked and slowly shook his head. ❝No, not that I remember.❞

Anita snorted and passed her now empty container over, giving him something to catch the loose pieces of meat in as he feasted. ❝Alright, whatever. I’m out a lunch, but I guess if someone liked it, that’s fine.❞

❝Was this all you had?❞ A flicker of guilt melted away the stoicism in his eyes.

❝Don’t worry about it. I have more at home.❞ She waved away the sudden wash of concern, but her reassurance did nothing to ease his guilt.

❝If I’d known——❞

❝Seriously, you’re fine. I know for a fact that it’s bad, but you said something nice about it, so it’s worth it. Relax.❞

The angel frowned deeply for a moment, thoughts taking him elsewhere before he let out a grunt and chowed down again. Around a smaller mouthful, he grumbled. ❝Come to Purgatory Hall after school. You can have dinner with us, as thanks for letting me eat this.❞

❝I don’t think I’m allowed there.❞ She wasn’t a stickler for the rules, obviously, but those bone-deep thoughts that made her assume she was dirty kept her from going anywhere near the dormitory where she knew the angels lived.

❝I’ll ask Simeon and Solomon. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s only right I offer you something in return.❞ Another flicker of vibrant glee touched at the crystal blue of his eyes. ❝You can try Solomon’s cooking!❞

❝Yeah? Is he good?❞

❝He’s amazing. Simeon and Luke are good too, but there’s something about Solomon’s cooking that I can’t quite get enough of.❞ His excitement was contagious, even if it only lasted for a singular, fleeting moment. ❝You’ll come?❞

❝I feel like I’m gonna look like a total ass if I don’t, so — yeah. Sure.❞ Free food was free food, and she wasn’t all that inclined to reject the offer now that he insisted. ❝After school?❞

❝I might be a little late getting there myself, but I’ll let them know you’re coming. If they don’t get my messages, tell them Raphael sent you.❞ He licked his lips clean, closed the fork inside the container, then popped the lid back on. It was returned to Anita’s hand, her stomach growling at the reminder that she had now skipped lunch. ❝Thank you.❞

❝Raphael? Anita. Uh, yeah. No problem. Still think you’re a little weird, but at least it didn’t go to waste.❞ She wouldn’t mention then, or even years from now, that he had brightened her mood. Hunger pains would have driven her to grouchiness, but the shamelessness with which he ate her horrid cooking and his sincerity had made up for it.

Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t a bad idea to spend a little more time around angels.

[tiny-maus-boots]

Queen of Hearts pt 14

A/N: thank you as always to @chloes-yellow-cup for being my bestie and still doing all the things i hate to do. and a big thanks to @kimmania for your constant encouragement and supply of Legos. i love you awesome nerds. 

14.

“Hit me with your best shot…”

Aubrey’s long arm stretched out along the back of the dark leather of the modern style sofa she was settled on. For the most part she could tune out the dry croak from the desk, but…

“Why don’t you hit me with your best shot.”

This was the sixth time in an hour that she was hearing the song. She was going to have to remind Lilly to remove it from the jukebox after tonight.

“Hit me with your best shot…”

The rough warble across from her died down and she thought for a moment that the singer had finally drifted off asleep. Aubrey’s head turned to the screen that showed a live feed of the cameras around The Dirty Bird. Movement flickered though them as Stacie and the Doc walked between the tables and around the bar toward the back office. She turned her head to check on the figure standing but slumped over her desk only to find dark blue eyes watching and waiting for her attention. The small woman raised herself to her elbows from her slouch and belted out just as the door opened.

“FIRE AWAAAAYYYYY!!! Pew pew pew.”

Aubrey sighed as Detective Mitchell’s finger guns gave out on the click of her tongue and she collapsed back over the desk to cradle a half empty bottle of grappa, ass up where she stood. Stacie’s wide eyes panned slowly toward her, body bouncing lightly with barely restrained glee.

“Oh my God….” Chloe took one look at the Detective and pinned Aubrey with a glare. “How drunk is she?”

The blonde raised a shoulder as she considered. “She’s been worse.”

“Doc. Doooooocccc….I hurt. Right. Here.” Beca raised a hand and brought it back to point at her butt. Her finger wavered as she tried to locate the exact spot which caused the most pain and then pointed for emphasis with a little too much enthusiasm. “Right. OW. Here. OWIE.”

Stacie eased onto the sofa and settled in comfortably in Aubrey’s lap to watch Doc Beale work. The redhead moved behind Beca and settled her bag on the desk. She took a great steadying breath before wrestling away the grappa from the prone detective and snapping on a pair of gloves. Aubrey admired the way Doc Beale efficiently and deftly managed to get Beca’s jeans over her hips and halfway down her legs with practiced ease. Beca seemed to admire it too because she stirred enough to look blearily over her shoulder with a smile.

“If you wanted to check out my assetsssss Doc, you didn’t have to wait til I got stabbeded in it. Right. There. Ow.”

“Yes, I see. Please stop poking the wound in your ass cheek. How even….?”

“I was tailing my guy. My big fish. Fishy fishy fishy. That’s a fun word to say.” Chloe muttered something Aubrey couldn’t hear over Stacie’s soft chuckling. “I heard that! Plenty of people would be DE-FUCKING-lighted to spend their date night starin’ at a little of this action.”

Aubrey bit her lip to keep the laugh from breaking free as the detective wiggled her ass unmindful of the tight skinny jeans trapping her legs and toppled into a slide nearly off the desk before Chloe managed to grab and right her teetering form.

“Head down, ass up. Now tell me again how you managed to get stabbed in the butt cheek with glass?”

“You said that like you’re used to giving that order. I might be down for that, just be gentle with me.”

Beca gave her a leer that the doctor promptly ignored as she prepped her tools.

“Detective, remember that I have some very sharp instruments here that I am excellent with.”

Beca gave her a dubious look but obediently turned and bent over the desk again so the other woman could examine the wound. Chloe was utterly focused on the task of cleaning and debriding the punctures in a circular pattern. Aubrey had been sure it was going to require at least a few stitches from what she saw before she called for real medical help.

“I told you. I was following the big fish.”

“And you followed him into a bar I’m guessing.”

“Right, rule numero dos of detectivering. Don’t stick out like a sore thumb.”

Chloe blinked and looked up from her work to focus on Beca. “What’s numero uno?”

“That’s not a real number, Doc.”

“Solid rebuttal.”

“Did…did you just make pun of my rump? Oh my God I’m in love. I’d get down on one knee right now and propose. Except you’re feeling up my butt right now and that’s kinda nice.”

The doctor’s bright blue eyes narrowed and she jabbed the needle into the hunk of flesh she had just grabbed in preparation for the injection. She depressed the plunger quickly as her patient yelped and attempted to squirm away.

“HEATHEN! Oh God. I’m dying. Help. I’m dying, Dr. Kevorkian is killing me….my vision…I can’t see.”

“Open your eyes, idiot. That was just an antibiotic booster. Have you had a tetanus shot recently?”

“Pretend I said whatever answer will prevent you from being a literal pain in my ass.”

It was too much for Stacie and she turned her head to bury her laughter in Aubrey’s neck. The blonde tightened her grip on her fiancée and enjoyed a satisfying laugh at the detective’s expense. She hadn’t known what she’d find when she had gotten Beca’s distress call. They had all been on high alert since coming back to Los Angeles, trying to close ranks as best they could without being obvious about it. She had been waiting for an attack to come and her first thought when she had gotten the call was that it had finally begun. Each moment waiting in her office while Lilly retrieved the Detective from her hiding place in an abandoned warehouse building down at the port had been like a stone on her chest. She had needed this humor to ease the cold grip of fear on her heart.

Aubrey’s line of business didn’t lend itself to close relationships with members of law enforcement, at least not for long. What she and the Detective had was something altogether different than any of the other criminal-cop business agreements she had formed during her career. Beca was someone she trusted at her side, more…trusted at her back. The idea that someone would try to take her out was sobering and her laughter faded. Stacie sensed the change in her and cupped Aubrey’s face gently to bring their foreheads together. Words weren’t necessary for Stacie to understand what she was thinking and feeling. The blonde took a deep breath and straightened her spine. One hand came up to adjust and smooth her tie. If it had started…she wanted to know who was coming for her people.

“So, who’s the fish?”

Beca lifted her head from the desk and struggled to focus on Aubrey. It took her a few seconds to process the question. She seemed to have forgotten the conversation while Chloe worked silently to finish working on her wound.

“A security guard. He’s got bad taste in bars and also what I would loosely refer to as ladies.”

She couldn’t imagine where a security guard would fit in with Alice’s plans and frowned. Maybe this wasn’t about her. Beca had other cases she was working, maybe this was just another Tuesday night for the cop.

“A security guard? Sounds kind of small time for you.”

Denim blue eyes flashed to hers, some of the haze of alcohol burned away by intensity of her drive. The small brunette’s lips quirked into a smirk. Aubrey was suddenly very sure that nothing Beca did was small time or without a very good reason.

“It only takes a small stone in the right place to make a rockslide.”

Chloe slowed her movements as she finished her work. Something about what Beca said must have been interesting to the doctor because she kept her attention on the detective while she cleaned up the trash and peeled her gloves off to toss in the black plastic trash bag left there for that purpose. Aubrey guessed she was re-evaluating her previous estimations of the foul mouthed, perpetually smug, woman.

“You’re not wrong, Bec. So, what’s this small stone guarding?”

“Not what. Where. Dude works at the port.” She grunted and stood gingerly with a backward glance at her own butt. “Hm. Nice, think chicks will dig the scar?”

If Chloe had been considering there may be more to Beca than outrageous flirtation it was only a brief passing fantasy. She sighed and rolled her eyes then glared at Aubrey.

“18, Aubrey.” It was almost enough to make her face split into a grin and she had to turn her chuckle into a soft cough. Chloe tied up the bag and dropped it in the trashcan sure that it would be disposed of carefully. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to patch one of them up, they knew the drill by now. “You owe me so big.”

“I’m good for it. So, Detective, what about this dock rat?”

Beca stopped checking herself out long enough to pull her pants up and wink at Chloe before answering. Doc pretended not to notice but Aubrey could see her watching Beca from the corner of her eye while she played around with the tools in her bag.

“When I figure how he connects to Richie Rich, I’ll let you know.”

Stacie’s body tensed in her arms and Aubrey glanced at her curiously. Her girl chewed her lower lip in thought, a habit that Aubrey found adorable. “Something on your mind, Stace?”

“It’s probably nothing. Just something Edith said about someone I went to prom with. His dad got him a job down at the docks.” Stacie shrugged it off but Aubrey could tell she was still chewing on it. “Probably just coincidence.”

Aubrey and Beca exchanged a look. After a lifetime of double crosses and plot twists, neither of them believed in coincidences. The detective dug around in her pocket for her phone. She wasn’t quite sober yet but a hell of a lot steadier than a few moments ago. Aubrey snatched the phone easily out of the air when it was tossed her way and glanced at the screen.

It was a video and she angled it so Stacie could see too. Her fiancée pressed play and sighed. Beca could be heard in the background giving a lot of very specific direction to the two women practically fucking on a pool table in a disgusting looking rathole of a bar. Aubrey was pretty sure the women were hookers and the corner of her mouth quirked in amusement. Stacie took the phone out of her hand turned it to face back to the detective.

“Really Beca?”

“I thought it was pretty good for my directorial debut. But your gutter brain is making you miss the real show.”

Aubrey took the phone back and focused on the whole scene. Behind the women in a shadowed booth two men were clearly having an animated discussion. One was further into the shadow than the other but his gestures were strong and decisive. She watched as the other, younger seeming, man’s gestures became conciliatory and submissive the longer the conversation went on. In the foreground a flurry of noise and activity caused the camera to shake and wildly as if it were being swung around. There were glimpses of rough faces and snatches of shouts and curses. At one point there was a good stretch of scuffed flooring where she assumed Beca had been crawling away from the obvious brawl happening around her.

The camera came up again in time to catch the men leaving their booth in a hurry. Each of them caught in the neon blue glow from beer signs on the walls. Stacie snatched the phone out of her hand and hit pause. Long legs dropped down to the floor from the sofa and she stood in shock.

“Bree…this is Senator Grant. The guy he’s with is his son Kodie, we went to high school...Jesus Christ…”

“You know him?”

“Weston stole his money.”

They looked at each other then turned twin green-eyed gazes on Detective Mitchell. The small woman’s brow was furrowed in thought, her lower lip caught between her teeth as she worried it.

“The kid is on the videos.”

Mitchell didn’t have to say which videos, they all knew. Even Doc Beale. Stacie looked away from them, uncomfortable with the knowledge that she had been in some of those videos. Aubrey let out a long settling breath and stood. She gently took the phone from Stacie’s shaking hand and brought it to lips to brush a soft kiss over Stacie’s wrist. It gave her a wan smile but it was something. Stacie would be okay. Aubrey looked down at the phone and watched the video again. And again. And once more. She studied every gesture, every twitch of posture, every unconscious expression she could make out.

“I want the kid. He’s the weak link.”

Beca grunted and limped around the desk to grab her keys and helmet, ready to go back to work with a hole in her ass nearly as big as the one in her pants. It wasn’t going to happen that way and Aubrey reached out to snag both items from the sidebar and hand them to Stacie who easily placed them on a shelf far too high for Detective Mitchell to reach without finding a stand on.

“White she devil.”

“Sorry, Bec. Can’t have you half-assing anything.”

She didn’t like it and Aubrey could tell but Beca sighed and grunted. “Solid burn.”

Aubrey gave her a quick grin then turned to eye the Doctor who was watching them all curiously. Her gaze met Aubrey’s and a brow went up. Honestly, she almost felt a little bad about needing to have the Doc take Beca somewhere safe. She didn’t ask, she didn’t need to. Chloe knew what she was thinking and started to shake her head no until Beca tried to drag a chair over to the get her stuff.

“I really hate you, Aubrey Posen.”

“No, you don’t, Doc.”

“You WILL be making a very large donation to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital.”

“Absolutely.”

“And vacation for my office girls. Two weeks!”

“I’ll buy the plane tickets myself.”

“And if she pisses me off just once I will trank her and leave her on a park bench.”

The last was a bluff but Aubrey treated the threat seriously. “Understood. Anything else?”

“….I’ll think of something!” Aubrey bit back another grin and nodded seriously. She slipped her hands into her pockets as the doctor steeled herself mentally to take on Beca. “Come one Detective, as much as this pains me to say…you’re coming home with me.”

Beca dropped the helmet she had finally just retrieved on the ground and left it like discarded trash to limp over to Chloe. “Okay.”

“God…you’re so easy.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing, Doc.”

Chloe gave her a final glare and slung the detective’s arms over her shoulder to help her limp out of the office. Stacie settled the length of her body along Aubrey’s back, hands coming up to finger the buttons of her vest.

“How well do you know this Kodie, joker?”

Stacie hmmm thoughtfully. “Not as well as I did in high school. Edith told me he got caught up in some trouble recently. I think I know how we can get to him though.”

“How?”

“He likes cocaine and paying for his um let’s call them dates. I had Happy make some calls for you.”

The smile came to her face easily and she leaned into Stacie’s embrace. This wasn’t anything like what her mom and dad had. Her mother had never been this involved in what her father did for work. She had kept as distant from it as she could, turning her nose up at the family that protected them, running from the darkness of the business. Stacie would never do that to her. She knew it all way down to the bottom of soul. Aubrey turned in her arms and brought their heads together.

“You got more cards up your sleeve than a Vegas croupier, you know that?”

“Hmm. I learned from the best.”

Aubrey closed the distance, her brushing softly over Stacie’s. There were a lot of words she could say about how she felt about the woman in her arms. She could probably write pages on it, but words didn’t matter half as much as action did. She was going to marry this woman and spend her life giving her the best of everything. They were going to be happy and she didn’t care who she had to kill to make it happen.

“Let me take you home?”

“Aubrey…in your arms? I’m already there.”

[fureliselost]

vld rewatch s7e7-13

- yessssssssss

- dammmm, that was so sad, like, they finally got everything they wanted -- pidge had gotten her family back and could finally see her mom, lance and hunk would finally see their families again, only for it to be taken away by the truth that the thing they were fighting the most to protect is not only at risk but couldbe gone already

- that fucking admiral sanda i hate that woman

- YES SAM AND COLLEN MEET AGAIN

- Tbh, Voltron had some pretty good hugs. I've noted a few times that sometimes the animation in vld is a bit stiff and not fluid enough, but their hugs are always very good and solid but soft at the same time and I like that

- go colleen! QUEEN

- "how do you know [the galra] are hostile?" sam's fucking face like "ummmm, after the incarceration and torture, i think i'd know"

- they wrote "takeshi shirogane" because iverson mispronounced i'm--

- THE MFEssssssssssss

- yes way, jamessssss

- dam, the matt broadcast is absolutelly heartbreaking

- go coleeeeeeeeeeeeen holt, i love you, savage queen

- THE BROADCASTTTTTTTTTTT

- OH NO OH NO OH NO

EP 8

- DAM DAM DAM

- SENDAK U BITCH

- the backgrounds are so beautifulllllll

- ADAM

- OH SHIT IS THIS WHEN HE DIES

- curtis?

- veronicaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

- I LOVE VERONICA AND RISNAVI AND ANYONE BUT ASSHOLE GRIFFIN

- VERONICAAAAAAAAAA DON'T DIE I LOVE U BITCH

- VERONICA

- DAYUM, GUYS, Y'ALL IN FOR A SURPRISE

EP 9

- NO NO NO

- curtis that u?

- they left klatenecker and the mice lol

- plaht city? where is that? they say it's about half an hour from the GG

- kl shots?

-YES REUNION ULTIMATE REUIONNNNNNN

- CORAN GETTING OVERPROTECTIVE OF SHIRO YESSSS BE THE UNCLE U WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE

- we get it griffin, ur hair is loreal paris

- aDAM

- i HATE griffin

- "maybe you should leave the matters to earth to the people who live here" admiral sanda, may i punch u in the throat?

- HUNK HAS 2 MOMS HOW DID I FORGET THIS?!

- Wait, who was the other woman then?

ep 10

- yay shiro getting an arm

- i really wanna know why they seated lance on the oposite side of the table that the rest of the paladins were in, only in front of keith

(- lance and veronica bickering is chef's kiss

- did pidge and keith do the same thing that keith and lance bcuz i love it

- "looks like the princess likes you back" dude, no, these interactions are so bland

- noooo lance can't summon red nooooooooo

- FUCKING SANDA

- DAYUM

- ep 11

- kl shots ayyy (plz, there was zero need to put lance and keit in the same shot)

(NO NEED FOR KEITH CALL OUT FOR LANCE FIRST)(

- FUCKING SANDA

- LEIFSDOTTIR MY BELOVED

- they fucking warned u, u moron

- "it will take a feat of engineering to--" or some bs magic

- shiro's "oh shit" moment when they tell him he's the captian of the atlas

- sanda tf

- oh, it was a decoy, at least she learned her fucking lesson at last

- she can die, i don't mind

- well, at least she's real, she really wasn't able to save earth

ep 12

- kill sendak plz

- kl

- lance must be getting some flashbacks in this whole shield debacle, cuz, yk, that's how he died

- go shiro

- "i'm about to use your brain as a computer" "huh, wouldn't be the first time"

- GO LANCE

- SENDAK U ANNOYUNG BITXH DIE ALREADY

- the animation of shiro here is top notch

- fucking cockroach

- kill this homie, keith

- that's a big oh no

ep 13

- wtf i sthis

- shiro getting up to fight again "i'm a bad bitch, u can't kill me"

- DOUBLE SWORDS YAY

- This became attack on titan or what

- sooooo basically shiro became allura?

- wtf i didn't remember this bullshit

- atlas is just a big boy

- so much magic bullshit

- go lanceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

- remember kids: murder is always an option

- dayum

- oh wow, all the lions fall in strategic locations

- wow, this death baiting

- MATT

- veronica and slav getting along? i love

- SHAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

- GUYS I'M EMOTIONAL

- dam i wanna be matt

- evangelion go brrrrrr

- ok, that's it for s7