#what can i say: golden nightmares duo for the win

[pyramis-family-official]

(Okay, but Nezarec both speaks French and is a halfdemon, so now there is this scene playing in my mind)

Nezarec: *speaking French gibberish just to annoy Calus*

Calus: *wields a crucifix*

Nezarec: You do know that I'm a halfdemon, so that thing can actually burn me, right?

Calus: Then it's one more reason to stOP SPEAKING IN THAT CURSED LANGUAGE!

[redwinterroses]

Last Life choose-your-own-angstventure? Don't mind if I do.

Characters are unnamed -- fill in with whichever LL duo fits your fancy.

-----------------------

There's an intimacy to the point of a knife at your back, nestled against your ribs like the gentle hand of a lover. You breathe in and feel the edge slide against your skin.

"Well?"

Your voice is too loud. It smacks against the silence, the fist of an impatient child against aquarium glass.

He flinches, a startled tropical fish, all red and exotic and warning, warning, danger.

"It wasn't supposed to come down to us," he says, and his too-hot breath on your ear smells like something left out to rot and take root. "It shouldn't have been me. It wasn't supposed to be you."

"But it was. And it is."

You wonder if you can reach for your sword before he slips his dagger between the fencebones of your ribcage. This wall has no lava beneath the skin: only hot blood and quickening fear.

He is breathing faster, almost panicked. "I don't know what to do," he lies, his hand steady on the blade even as his voice trembles. You think he might remember now, some of what he'd forgotten when that last piece of his soul slipped away and his eyes turned scarlet.

His other hand is on your shoulder, and you know he's gripping it in order to brace himself when the knife comes to life, but the starved creature in your heart that misses him wants to feel the tightening fingers as affection. As forbearance. As please-come-home, and its-all-over-now, and we're-safe-here.

But your own eyes are yellow and you remind the heart-creature that this white-knuckled grip means nothing but red.

"Can you do this twice?" You ask him, and your fingers are around the sword hilt now and he hasn't noticed.

He chokes on something that is neither a laugh nor a sob but somehow worse than either, and rests his forehead against the back of your skull. "I just want to go home," he whispers into your hair.

Me too, you think, but do not say, knowing he would hear it as permission. As forgiveness. As understanding. And it is none of those things.

Instead, you murmur, "I'm sorry," and spin away from his touch, driving your sword into soft flesh, biting into bone, driving the edge of the weapon into the meat of the homesickness between you. Heat blossoms among your ribs, blooming from the blade that he roots in your side.

He staggers back, your sword lodged in his chest, his blade dripping with your blood, hand as red as the film that covers his eyes.

You clutch your side, gasping at the twining pain that curls from the wound and climbs your spine to clutch at your throat.

But it is a living injury -- his is a mortal one.

You stand, half-hunched, your golden eyes welling with tears. "I'm sorry," you whisper again, and you almost mean it as he falls to his knees, one hand gripping the blade in his chest, it's edge biting his fingers with none of your remorse.

He laughs, a torn, ragged sound, soaked with finality.

"I'm not," he says.

The dagger tumbles from his hand, and he topples like a felled tree, shorn off at the roots.

You've won. Without even going red.

Yet, as you sink down to sit beside him, your hand going to brush his untrimmed hair from his still face, it doesn't feel like victory.

"I want to go home," you whisper now, now that there's no one left alive to hear or care. But will home have you? With the blood that stains the creases in your knuckles and outlines your fingernails and tangs in your teeth and drips from your nightmares?

Take your prize, the world buzzes in your head. Triumph is yours. Just pay the small fee. This world wants more. Not even this death is enough for it.

You have won. But in claiming your victory, this world will truly win.

You want to go home. Even if home no longer wants you.

You stand.

"Hey. Wait for me."

[lifenodaijobu]

Just a little list of my soft Draco obsession

For  @vemodalensx

Theres a few here but I’ve left some out since the list was getting a bit long. I might make another list with more.

The list separated between cute Draco and vulnerable Draco just so you can choose whether or not you want a bit of sadness with your softness ^3^

Oh and ofc it goes without saying that the whole list is Bottom Draco hehe

Cute Soft Draco

Flower Crowns (2.4k words)

It started with a single flower 🥀 Draco makes flower crowns for Harry and that is how the whole school finds out about them. A happy dose of Harry with flowers in his hair, and a smitten Draco.

Dreaming of you (21k words)

Harry has nightmares, he wishes for a night when he can sleep without nightmares. What happens when he starts dreaming of Draco Malfoy? Draco left the wizarding world after the war, he's a librarian and lives peacefully in muggle London, what happens when Harry fucking Potter shows up at his work place?

Honey (

Harry is sick of Draco's oh-so-adorable endearments.

The Care and Management of Volatile Veelas 

Harry adopts a Veela. He really didn’t mean to.

Quidditch Wife (Part 2)

Theres no real summary for this except for  It's got all my favourite guilty pleasures, like protective!Harry and vulnerable!Draco, with a side of jealous!Harry and SportyQuidditch!Harry (and I think the top!Harry rather goes without saying).

All our pieces....fall right into places series

The first story:  Draco had had a crush for a while and now that he had Harry in his bed...He was everything that Draco needed.

Trick or Treat

Harry had no idea that he was such a fetishist - a fact which he discovers on Halloween.

Pretty

Harry finds a pair of stockings in the back of their dresser.

The Sweater

After being forced to room together in 8th year, Draco and Harry become friends and decide to continue their living arrangements post Hogwarts. The only problem is, Draco can't seem to stop stealing Harry's clothes.

1095 Roses for a life time

Being woken up by the lips of your boyfriend is always a nice surprise, especially on the morning of yours third anniversary of dating, which leads to hot and passionate morning activity. But all this is just to indulge in themselves, Harry's surprise includes roses and a promise for a lifetime. Will they be the right choice?

Get your kinks out

Harry plays seeker for the Magpies, and he discovers that one of his teammates secretly wears lace panties. What begins as a sexual relationship becomes increasingly complicated by Harry’s fame, Draco’s family, and Harry’s ambivalent feelings about dominating Draco.

Can’t say no

Draco really has the worst friends. When they put a spell on him that he has to say no to everything Harry says.....things don't turn out well.

OR

That time when Harry proposes and gets turned down because of his horrible friends.

What Draco wants

Out of anything a petty fight with Harry Potter could have led to, Draco Malfoy least expected it to end with him bent over a table, questioning his relationship and feelings for Potter, and having the best sex of his life.

Criminal

Things were going just fine for Draco Malfoy. He successfully conned and counted cards across Europe and America, amassing a small fortune, along with a lengthy rap sheet. That was until he made the grave mistake of returning to England for a high stakes card game and got himself caught – by Harry Potter no less. Now, Draco is stuck in England under Auror Potter’s guard with no friends, no distractions, and no escape. How the hell will he pass the time? And since when did Potter get so bloody fit? 

Things Change

Harry and Draco's friends notice something different about them when they fight. See what they find out when they walk down an empty hallway. 

Whats a little veritasium between two sworn enemies?

Draco Malfoy has a nasty habit of always coming across such bad luck no matter where circumstance presents itself and unfortunately that doesn't seem to change when his bloody nemesis Harry Potter over hears him talking about Veritaserum potions in the hallways past curfew. ( It was Pansy fault really)

Harry wants to know what the Slytherin boy is up to, especially with how nervous Malfoy is, but is that ALL Harry wants to know?

Mr Right Now - side note: Cedric/Draco

What do you do when you're feeling down about your ex? Make him jealous! Story features Cedric Diggory and Draco Malfoy trying to win back their loves, but somehow end up falling into each other's arms

For the love a kitten 

With Voldemort Dead, life is not easy for Harry as Old friends become enemies and old enemies become friend. With the return of three Slytherins, Harry life is turned upside down.

How to prepare for a wedding night

I have a neighbour. He is stuck in a loveless relationship and an arranged marriage. He has zero experience in bed. He needs my help so that his love life won't suck for the next few decades. He needs a sex teacher. Oh... and the neighbour happens to be Draco freaking Malfoy. And I might be a little tiny bit in love with the git...

Draco's Scent

In which Harry can't be around Draco for long without the boy's stupid smell messing with his mind, and he really, really hates that.

Turn The Heat Up

Wonky Cooling Charms result in interesting revelations

Flirt

Draco and Hermione make a devastating duo at the Ministry as the respective Department Heads of Wizarding Culture Preservation and Muggle Relations. When Harry Potter gets involved in their latest joint project, Draco can’t seem to stop himself from constantly flirting with him even when it doesn’t seem to affect the golden boy at all. He’s wrong. Harry is most definitely affected. Includes Slytherin shenanigans, Draco sucking at quidditch, and Harry trying not to be charmed. Draco POV.

Angsty/Vulnerable Soft Draco

The Draco Malfoy incident - side note: I cried big time

Draco Malfoy is best friends with a Hufflepuff. A HUFFLEPUFF! He's also partnered with a redhead git, trying to hide from an obsessive green-eyed saviour and has become overly fond with sunrises. It's exhausting. Can't a man plan an assassination in peace around here?

I’m not in your dreams

Draco has dreamt with Harry's voice since he was fourteen, so there's no doubt for him about who his soulmate is. Now, in their Eighth Year, Harry has finally dreamt with his soulmate's voice too. The problem is that Draco was born mute.

Yours for the taking

Draco was raised to be the perfect Omega, but there are things even he cannot endure. When he discovers just what Tom Riddle's plans for him are once he's claimed him he is confronted with an impossible decision. Only one thing remains clear: he will never be able to go back home.

Luckily, Harry Potter is there to save the day

Rough on you - side note: Dark Harry. This is more vulnerable Draco than soft Draco so please read the tags before you start the story :) I was unsure whether I wanted to add this here but hey-ho

"I'm the only one that can give you want you really want." Harry spun Draco around and held his arms at his side and he pressed against his back, whispering against his throat. "That can force you, that can humiliate you… that can hurt you, and you want it. You want me."

Harry is having a bad day. Draco just cannot learn to keep his mouth shut. Neither of them would have predicted it would lead to this.

But who guards the dragon?

This is an expansion of my one-shot, It'll be Okay. You don't have to read it first, it will be in the story. Requested. DMHP Sub/Dom relationship. Slash. Don't like, don't read. Harry thinks a few thinks through, then comes into his creature inheritance. He finds out that he is the dominant mate to one Draco Malfoy. But things are never easy for the boy who lived

Taken For Granted

Having pined for Harry for long enough, Draco decided that it was time to give up and move on. What happens when Harry realizes too late what he's lost?

Mourning

Harry returns to school to complete his NEWTs. There he finds a much changed Draco Malfoy and surprisingly subdued Professor Snape.

In your arms, rests my world

Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it.

“You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”

Inside your mind

Goyle's taken it upon himself to act as Malfoy's personal, one-man guard and Harry can't help but feel like it's only making the bullying worse.

"I'll Protect You," and you can seal that with an Unbreakable Vow

His friends may tease but Harry doesn't feel bad for keeping a close eye on the Slytherin boy of one Draco Malfoy, after all someone has to do it. So when Harry secretly follows the pure-blood boy out past the courtyard, there's nothing strange or unusual about it; nor is it wrong.

Unfortunately the same can not be said for the scenario Harry accidentally stumbles upon as he can't help but stare in horror. It's not just wrong. It's absolutely despicable and Harry, well, Harry just has to do something about it.

A Big Black Sky

Draco shifts his head as he turns to look at Scorpius, his cheek touching the pillow. "Did you know that…" He pauses, his throat convulsing, and it sounds audible in the silence, besides Michael's steady, even breathing from the other bedroom.

Scorpius is staring back at him, in wait of something new to learn, a beautiful and intelligent child. He has Draco's mind. He has Draco's eyes and nose and mouth and hair. He is his. All his. All he has of Michael are his wild curls and the green of his eyes, and sometimes he looks into them and imagines that they aren't Michael's, but someone else's.

Draco leans his head closer, biting the quiver out of his lips before he breathes a laden and shuddering exhale, and he whispers, "You are my star in a big black sky."

Song To Say Goodbye

Draco should have remembered that life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to. Somewhere along the way he forgot to always be careful and was left with nothing. It was hard enough getting himself together the first time, can he do it again?

Small spoiler for Song to Say Goodbye below

Its not Drarry Endgame: he ends up with a OMC cuz Harrys a big dickhead

[sweetdreamling]

assholes - ( gen avengers )

Summary: Your friends can be such assholes sometimes.

Pairing: Hints at Reader x Loki, but nothing serious.

WC: 2.3K

A/N: This is a super old one shot. Originally it was just Rhodey and Tony, but I just rewrote it and added more characters. I'm back in my marvel writing feels. Since I'm a POC myself, I mostly picture the reader like me. Though I go for gender-natural terms. Hope you like it.

"He's such a dumbass sometimes," you snicker, watching Thor try and fail to work the toaster. "But it's adorable. It's like watching a clueless golden retriever. Zero thoughts, head empty."

"That's rude, Y/N." Sam hides a smile as he walks over to Thor, helping him with his apparently "impossible" task.

"How long has Thor been on Earth now?"

Steve looks thoughtful for a moment before replying, "I think a couple of years. But, even I know how to work the toaster. I swear I've seen him use it before."

"Hmm, Loki did say Thor likes to pretend that he's a dumb blonde."

Steve rolls his eyes at the mention of Loki's name. "You're still talking to that maniac?"

You shrug, "duh, he's my friend, and sometimes you guys can be a little too much. He's my escape."

Steve raises an eyebrow as he slides a plate of chicken alfredo to you. "Why do I get the feeling you're sleeping with Loki?"

Throwing him a smirk as you picked up your fork. "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not."

"I'd prefer the latter."

Sam shakes his head as he hears the conversation. "Please stop talking about him before he pops up. We don't need him to add to the chaos in the tower."

"Loki's always in the tower; you guys just don't know it."

Sam and Steve look alarmed as a grinning Thor takes a seat beside you. "Y/N is right. My brother tends to come at such odd hours, but he's in the tower daily with Y/N."

"Does Tony know this?" Steve demands.

"Oh yeah, he literally burst through my door with his suit the first time Loki appeared in the tower. We came to a compromise if you catch my drift."

Sam lets out a noise of disgust. "Okay, no. We don't want to hear about it. As a matter of fact, forget that we even brought Loki up."

Thor and Y/N share a laugh as Steve shakes his head.

The duo's laughs are cut off when Y/N's cellphone starts to ring. Everyone's confused, staring at the cellphone sitting on the counter.

It rings a few times before going quiet.

"I have no clue who'd be calling me at one am," Y/N says as the phone lights up again.

"I mean...shouldn't you answer it and see? Could be important." Steve replies.

"My parents are sleeping at this time of the night. Everyone else that's important to me is currently in the tower, Steve. I'm sure FRIDAY would let us know if anything's happened to them."

Sam snatches the phone off the counter, answering it mid-ring.

"Hello?"

"They're asking for you." He frowns before handing the phone to a confused Y/N.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you reached out, taking the phone and bringing it to your ear.

"Hello?" You questioned.

"Hello?" The unfamiliar, hushed, and husky voice rang out.

"Heard you were looking for me. Who is this?" You asked, exchanging glances with Steve, Thor, and Sam.

"Who is this?" The caller repeats your question.

"I mean, you're the one that called me. So what do you want, creep?"

The only thing you could hear from the other side of the phone was heavy breathing.

"Are you going to say anything besides breathe on the phone?" The person doesn't say anything, so you shrug, hanging up the phone.

"Who was it?" Steve asks.

"I don't have a freaking clue. All he did was breathe on the phone." You respond, going back to your dinner. There are a few minutes of silence before your phone starts ringing again. You shake your head at Bruce as he reaches for the phone again.

"Let it ring, probably the same idiot. He'll get tired eventually."

Ten minutes later, the four of you were at your wit's end. The ringing didn't stop.

"Y/N, I beg you to please answer your phone before I smash it to a thousand pieces." Thor bemoans as the phone goes off once again.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, you snatch the phone back up. You placed the phone against your ear. "Hello?"

"Y/N, you know it's rude to hang up with someone. I thought you knew better than this."

You roll your eyes, "What do you want? You've called my phone nonstop for the past ten minutes!"

"I just want to talk Y/N! We can talk and become the best of friends."

"You're out of your goddamn mind. Do yourself and me a favor and stop calling my phone. I'm hanging up now." You snap, pulling the phone away from your ear.

"YOU HANG UP THIS PHONE BITCH, AND I'LL GUT YOU LIKE A FUCKING FISH!"

It was clear that Thor, Sam, and Steve heard his threat as alarmed expressions overtake their faces.

"Y/N, give me the phone," Steve says through gritted teeth.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE GIVE ROGERS THAT PHONE!"

You stare down at the phone in shock before anger takes over your expression. "Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?! I don't know who the hell you are or what the hell you want with me, but I'm telling you now to leave me the fuck alone! Come near me, and I'll be your last day alive!"

The creep begins to laugh over the phone. "Oh, Y/N....your petty little threats don't scare me. All I want to do is play a little game, and then I'll leave you alone. I promise!"

"Fuck no! Leave me the hell alone!"

The creep lets out a growl. "I want to play a game. A simple one, call it movie trivia. Answer it correctly; you and your little trio of morons will survive."

There's no warning as the lights go out, leaving the four of you in absolute darkness.

"Answer wrong; you die. Don't even bother calling for help. Your little friends and A.I. are all...out of commission."

All of you glance around and then at each other uneasily. "Don't even think about it. I'm watching your every move!"

Sam lets out a sigh. "This is a fucking nightmare."

"What the hell did you do to our teammates and FRIDAY?" Steve was gripping the counter, glaring at the phone that you'd placed on speakerphone.

"Don't worry about that. I can see you, Thor. Try summoning your precious hammer, and I slit Barton's throat!"

Thor looks disgruntled as he drops his hand. "Very well."

The creep chuckles, "That's more like it."

"I'll ask again, what the hell did you do to our teammates?!" Steve questions again.

"I can hear the desperation in your voice, Rogers. Don't worry, your pretty little heads, I haven't done anything so far. Their fates depend on you four. We win the game. and I'll let them go."

"We can't trust your word, man. We need proof." Sam says.

The creep hums, "That is true. Look for yourself."

A hologram of security footage pops up. "Say hello to your fellow avengers!"

Your eyes widened as you took in the sight of your teammates, bound and gagged to chairs in a circle. Tony, Clint, Bucky, Wanda, Vision, and for some odd reason, Pepper was there as well. Clint and Tony were the only ones awakened and were frantically shaking their heads.

"You sonofabitch." Steve curse, running a hand over his face. "What do you want?"

"A simple game. Are you ready to play now?"

"YES! YES! We'll play your stupid ass game! Just don't hurt our teammates!" You say, placing a hand on Steve's shoulder.

"That depends on how well you do with my trivia! Tell me Y/N. Do you like scary movies?"

"Yes."

The voice tutted. "Then you should be very good at this game then."

You take a deep breath, hoping your racing heart would calm down. It frightened you how easily someone snuck into the tower, basically kidnaping your teammates and holding them hostage.

"Question one, How many people does Jason kill in the first Friday the 13th film?"

You furrow your eyebrows, looking at Steve. He shrugs, looking hopeless. "I'm so sorry, but I haven't seen any horror films."

Sam snaps, making a zero with his hand. "He didn't do any killings in the first Friday the 13th movie!"

The creep hums, "who did the killing then?"

"His mother!"

"Bravo Y/N and Sam! "The voice praises the two of you.

"Question two, how many knives does Freddy Krueger have on his gloves?"

"Four. He has four!" Thor calls out.

"Yes! Good boy, Thor! It appears you aren't as stupid as I thought!" The voice laughs once again. "Next question...Which room does Dick Hallorann tell Danny to stay away from in The Shining?"

"I heard Tony mention sometimes once about room 237 as a joke. He said it came from a film called The Shining. Is that it?" Steve says.

"Is that a question or the answer, Rogers? And no, don't help him!" The voice yells as you go to tell Steve it was correct.

"I...It's the answer."

"CORRECT!" The creep gives a round of applause. "Now, last question, who is the Ghostface killer in Scream 4?"

Oh, shit, there was so much going on in the Scream series, you couldn't keep up. Besides the first two movies, you kind of gave up watching them.

The four of you were exchanging frightened and panicked looks when no one answered. You took a deep breath and said the hell with it.

"Roman Bridger!" You cried out. "It was him! Right?!"

There was silence on the other line before the creep said the words you dreaded, "Wrong answer Y/N."

The four of you were surprised when two cloaked figures appeared in front of your unconscious teammates. One head Tony's head up as the other slashes him viciously across the stomach.

"TONY!" All of you cried out as blood began pouring from his shirt, and Tony lets out muffled cries of pain, fighting against the ropes.

The two cloaked figures turned, waving at you mockingly.

"Are those Ghostface masks? We're really dealing with a fucking Ghostface copycat groupie?!" Sam says, bewildered.

"Come out and play with us!"

Your nails dig into the palm of your hands as you stare down the copycat Ghostface on the right. There was something familiar about them.

"You're going to pay for hurting our dear Anthony, you fool." Thor looks furious; the rage in his eyes was clear to see.

"You'll have to catch us first!" There was a slam of a door down the hall, and you all turn your heads in the direction.

"We were the only ones on this floor. No one knows we hang out here." Steve says, glaring down the darkened hall.

"You will need weapons Sam and Y/N. Steve and I will use our brute strength to defend ourselves. " Thor says, grabbing the skillet off the stove, handing it to you. He gives Sam the butcher knife Steve was using earlier.

You and Sam exchange glances, the message clear in your eyes. 'Did he forget we're both trained fighters and can defend ourselves weapons or not?'

Steve leads the way as you slowly creep down the dark hall. "I've got nothing-" A swift punch to the jaw cut off his words.

"HOLY SHIT! STEVE!" Sam calls out, rushing over.

"I'm fine, Sam. They came out of nowhere. They're on this floor somewhere. We've gotta look for them."

"Oh, there's no need to look for me. We're right here." Sam lets out a yelp, falling to the ground, clutching his side.

"Shit, guys were humans and can't really see that well in the dark. You're going to have to use your weird-ass super senses and find them." You say, fumbling around until you find Sam's outstretched hand. You help him sit up, leaning on you for support.

"Stop being a coward! Come out and face us!" Thor yells out.

"This shit feels like it's from a low-budget horror film," Sam mutters to himself.

You nod in agreement.

Suddenly you feel a hand on your shoulder and a voice whispering your name in, "Y/N..."

Letting out a yelp, you grab their hand, using all your strength to flip them over your shoulder.

"FUCK!" You didn't waste any time kicking the shit out of this asshole.

"YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG AVENGER ASSHOLE!"

"Y/N! Y/N, IT'S ME! IT'S ME, SCOTT!" The cloaked figure shouts, reaching up and snatching his mask off. Scott's now bruised face stared up at you as the lights flickered back on.

You glanced up to see Thor holding Loki in a headlock and Steve scowling at Clint. Sam was frowning at Tony, who was smirking.

"There's no need to be all upset, brother. It was a mere prank; you know I've done far worse than this." Loki lets out a grunt as Thor tightens his grip.

"I recall the numerous times you've stabbed me, bitting and nearly gotten me killed. But, these are our human friends Loki, and they are far more..." Thor trails off, staring at Scott, who was holding his head.

"You guys are such fucking assholes. A prank is putting something funny and straightforward. This shit wasn't funny; it was fucking terrifying. We thought Tony had gotten stabbed! Our teammates had gotten kidnapped, and FRIDAY was harmed." Sam growls out, crossing his arms and shaking his head.

"This was out of line, guys. I'm disappointed." Steve's "I'm Disappointed In You" face and tone of voice were enough to ruin anyone's mood.

"There was no real harm done, guys. Lighten up," Tony tries to brush it off.

"No harm do-" You start before shaking your head. "No, I'm not saying anything. I've gotta go take my rage out in the training room, come on, guys." You motion for Thor, Steve, and Sam to follow you.

"We're going to prank them back, right?" Sam questions as you guys get into the elevator. '

"Oh, for sure."

[krystalficloverdh]

My hero - Kacchan vs Deku part 1

Chapter 5 

Hello again! Kacchan vs Deku! 

You can always come and read this story on Ao3 

.

.

.

“NOW! KILL HIM!”

She’s tired...So tired of this.

“NO!”

“Then you’re no longer useful…”

Fuck.

That hurt.

”Thank you young girl...”

Izuku woke up sweating, crying and trembling, she made a choked noise, hands braced over her stomach checking any injuries and found none. She wasn’t the type of person to have nightmares, but that felt so real...Maybe from her past life perhaps...Must be. Maybe the mention of master from handsy yesterday was the reason of this, she remembered herself that it was in the past, she was safe.

Her curled hair dropped over her eyes as she jumped off her bed. Her mind was filled with different emotions like confusion, fear, hatred but mostly fear. She changed her clothes, a simple button-up shirt, pants and boots, she wasn’t going to go back to sleep anyways. The sun haven’t even risen through the window, she climbed into the window frame adjusting her body sideways and sat lazily with one leg swinging outside.

“I could train for a bit before class…” She muttered as she takes her sword and jumps through her window. She ran faster and faster, she went a little far into the forest and grinned wide satisfied that she was far enough so she could train.

“Then you’re no longer useful…”

She felt the pulsations of One For All flowing from her back to the tips of her fingers, familiar trails of green lightning came to life and cracked all over her body. Izuku grunted at the feeling as she took out her sword and gave some experimental swings activating its power, as time passed by she became bolder and gave harder swings.

”Thank you young girl...”

In the silent forest you could only hear the swings of Izuku’s sword breaking the wind, she wasn’t at her full potential, her swings were measured. She was a sweating mess by now, she planted her sword in the dirt as she came up to her knees panting, hands braced tightly against the handle of One For All as she leaned forward to snarl at the fresh memories of her dream, her eyes not looking exactly at something...her gaze unfocused.

“What are you doing here?” A familiar deep voice said from behind her making her jump a little and go back to the present.

Izuku glanced at him over the corner of her eyes, she got up and adjusted the sword on her back as she lets out a nervous laugh. “K-Kacchan! How long have you been there?” She asked as she faces him.

His eyes searched her as he said in a intimate voice that made Izuku’s knees weak. “A while.” He walked slowly towards her with a serious face. “I woke up early to feed the dragons and when I finished, I saw some green lightning over here and figured it out it was you.” He added.

“I just wanted to train for a bit...” She shrugged not meeting his eyes.

Liar. That’s what he thought, she looked so messed up and that was not just training a bit. Katsuki suddenly stepped into her space as he took her hand pulling her closer. “How’s your wrist?”

“Oh Recovery girl did a good job...” She said but paused, she held her breath as she felt that Katsuki started to draw small circles with his thumb over her hand. “...It didn’t left any scar.” She added as her hand twitched.

“Your hand was so fucked up.” He eyed her somewhat suspiciously. “I’ve never seen a sword to hurt like that.” He groaned and looked at the sword on her back, she gave a little smile as she remembered her little meeting with the last owner of her sword.

Izuku was looking for All Might in the middle of the night outside of the guild, she turned both sides a few times until she saw a familiar skeletal figure resting over a tree. “All Might!”

“Too loud kid.” All Might whispered loudly and a bit of blood comes from his mouth.

“All Might is here?!” A stranger beamed happy in the distance making the duo jump in alarm.

“Way to blow my cover...Say it was a mistake.”

“I was kidding! Nothing to see here random citizen!”

“Aww I wanted an autograph!” The strangers walked away and Izuku along with the hero sighed in unison.

“So what was it like?” He smiled down at her as he started to throw punches in the air.

“It was like...Booom maybe swoosh no like Kabooom!” She explained as she moves her arms all over the air.

“I was worried about you, young Midoriya but you did a great job!”

��I broke my wrist the first time specially with that nomu.” She rolled her shoulder unconsciously.

“Well considering that if you use it at full potential you can only use like 5%.”

“That was 5%?!” She asked shocked. “Man I can’t wait to see at 100%! I’ll work hard to make this my own!”

“YES!”

“This sword was entrusted to me by someone, I can’t tell you who it is though.” Izuku perked up a little. “I’ll work hard to make this sword my own.” She ran a hand through her hair and One For All glowed soft green as if remarking her point. “I have to…” She whispered the last part. Honestly, she wasn’t sure about telling Katsuki about this, this secret about herself...It just, now it was not the time. It’s not like she was gonna tell him “Hey Kacchan I reincarnated in my favorite novel which turned out that it’s not and actually I was the bad guy...Oh and by the way, I inherited All Might’s power.”  

As if.

Katsuki for a moment didn’t say anything at all, he just stared at her and Izuku tried her best not to fidget under his gaze. He was confused and frustrated, the woman in front of him was not from the past. When he saw her again in the forest, he somehow expected her to be the same awkward and weak little girl, not this woman.

This woman was far from the memories he had of her, the button-up shirt had her sleeves rolled up across her strong arms and those pants of hers didn’t need to stretch much to show her strong legs. Those ten months did a good job, when he saw her fighting that creepy guy, it was like she was a complete person, like she knew how to move and god that smirk.

“Consider me shocked and turned on.” He thought as he bared his own canines, finally, he abruptly looked in direction of the stables.

“Wanna go see the dragons?”

“Of course!”

When they arrived, the sun had already risen in the sky, as they got deeper in the stables,  they encountered the dragon that Izuku and Katsuki rode on their way to the guild. He is stunning, he is a golden coloured dragon with spikes all over his body and has red eyes, just like his owner.

“He has pretty red eyes.” Izuku said as she stroked the dragon’s head, it was very strange, dragons always seemed drawned to her everytime she gets near them.

“Do you like red?” He asked with a serious face but with a bit of uncertainty.

Izuku’s brows lifted and then smiled sweetly at him.“I like red very much Katsuki.”

He let out a breath that he didn’t knew he was holding and smiled back, not a smile for the public, it was a smile that he only gave to her. A private one.

“Anyways, What was his name?” She tilted her head and her fingers on her chin.“King something.” She added.

“King Explosion Murderer.” Katsuki crossed his arms with a loud smirk as he stepped closer to the dragon.

“Only you would call him that way.” Izuku snorted quietly as she moved her head sideways and gave him a dorky smile.

Katsuki scrowled and took another step further, this time towards her. “What, you got a problem with that shitty Deku?”

She raised her hands in surrender and cleared her throat. “Not at all.” She couldn’t help but laugh playfully as she raised herself over the air and pushed closer to his face. “It’s cute.”

“King Explosion Murderer is not fucking cute.” He couldn’t help digging in, his voice was rough when he spoke.

“Whatever you say.” Her voice came a little strangled and he smirked, glad that he has this effect on her and only with him. She directed her gaze to the dragon again where no sexy abs could distract her, Kacchan and his barbaric way of dressing. “Uh.”

“Not here! Someone might be here!” A girl pleaded.

“Come on no one's here this early.” A male voice.

Izuku and Katsuki turned their faces towards the sound to find Kaminari and Jirou fooling around at the entrance of the stables, the heat of the moment forgotten.

“Dunce face/Jirou-chan?” The duo asked at the same time surprised at the couple and an uncomfortable silence took place.

“Seems we walked in the wrong place, sorry folks.” Kaminari said as if nothing happened as he took Jirou’s hand and runs away.

“I think we should head back...I don’t want any weird encounter again.” Izuku said as she laughs.

.

.

“URGH!” The class cried, for the last couple of hours they had some exercises with Aizawa in the training grounds, they have been doing some physical training, identifying who attacks from a long distance and who doesn’t. Now they’re heading to the USJ, their first class with All Might, Izuku was beaming in excitement.

“I AM...HERE COMING TO THE FOREST LIKE A HERO!” The legendary hero marched into the forest.

“ALL MIGHT IS HERE!” The class cheered at the idea of the favorite part of the classes, hero training.

“Prepare yourselves to use your magic cause we're doing…” All Might paused and looked over at the teens. “CAPTURE THE FLAG! We’ll divide in teams of five people, each team has to hide a flag and the team who captures it first WINS!”

“I see, that way we can see who works better with who.” Iida points.

“Also, to decide who goes with who we’ll be using this!” The hero points a box proudly with papers, he takes out the papers to read out loud the teams.

“Lottery?!” The class exclaimed internally.

“I see not all the time you’ll going to know your teammates magic.” Iida points out again.

All Might lets out a booming laugh, he places his large hands over his hips and looks over at the young knight. “YES! Thank you young Tenya! Now the teams are...”

“The first team is Momo Yaoyorozu, Shoto Todoroki, Yuga Aoyama, Mina Ashido and Rikido Sato.”

Todoroki nodded at Yaoyorozu in recognition as they gathered with their team, they both are royals so they knew each other since they came here. Izuku eyed at Todoroki as she tilted her head, she was curious how the prince was going to use both of this powers because the last time she only saw him use his ice side.

“Now...The first team will be going against…” All Might paused and took another five papers. “Eijiro Kirishima, Koji koda, Jirou Kyoka, Mezo Shoji and Tsuyu Asui.”

Kirishima perked up at the mention that he was going fight Mina whose eyes went to Kirishima’s and he paled at the mischievous glint in Mina's eyes. “Oh boy…”  He muttered as Shoji pated in sympathy Kirishima’s shoulder as the other teammates approached the two.

“NEXT! The team of Katsuki Bakugou, Iida Tenya, Denki Kaminari, Hanta Sero and Toru Hakagure.” All Might shouted excitedly as he gives his thumbs up at the team. “You will fight against the team of Izuku Midoriya, Ochako Uraraka, Fumikage Tokoyami, Mashirao Ojiro and Minoru Mineta.”

Ochako whipped her head in Izuku’s direction and jumped to hug her friend like a koala. “We’re together Izuku-chan, this must be destiny!”

Izuku nearly falls down if not for Tokoyami who used his dark shadow to evade her falling, at the action she whipped quickly towards the shadow forgetting the weight of her friend still in her arms and walked around it to admire it. “So cool!” She yelled as she started shooting questions at the boy about his magic and he squirmed in embarrassment. The group continued to chat until they turned their heads slowly when they heard creepy sounds of a short boy with a nosebleed looking at the girls and Ojiro at the site of the lecherous guy smacked with his tail Mineta’s head while shaking his head in disapproval.

“OKAY! Let’s start with the first fight!” All Might motioned with his hands at the two groups to prepare themselves, when they do the hero faced the other students and told them to follow him. They reached a tower tall enough to be able to watch the hole fight, the class sat down while the teacher stayed on his feet in case he needed to step in.

Izuku watched and studied seriously the fight at the distance, the fight lasted for thirty minutes with the team of Todoroki winning. Kirishima’s team gave pretty good fight but they couldn't rival the prince’s powerful ice wave at the last moment. It was awesome and all but something kept bothering her over and over as she analyzed the fight... “Why doesn’t he uses his fire side?” She thought.

“ALRIGHT COME UP HERE TO TELL YOU YOUR OBSERVATIONS!” All Might yelled from the tower, when they got there and talked with the hero, Izuku’s team gathered to come up with some strategy and waited for any instruction as Katsuki’s team did the same.

“Izuku-chan, ready to kick some asses?” Ochako asked Izuku as she placed one hand over her shoulder, the green haired girl nodded and looked over at Katsuki and made eye contact.

Katsuki grinned maniacally at her as he strides slowly in front of her, when he was just inches away he rolled his shoulders darkly. “Ready to kiss the floor with your sorry ass Deku?” His voice was husky as he spoke.

“Oh?” Izuku lifted one eyebrow and crossed her arms as she placed her weight in one leg. “What makes you so sure that you’ll get close enough to do that?”

“In your dreams.” He scoffed.

Izuku’s lip quirked playfully, she kicked softly the floor and lavitated herself to get on his level. “My first magic is telekinesis remember?” She tapped her head with her finger. “It’s basically moving the energy with my mind.” She purred.

Katsuki smirked baring one canine and passed the tip of his tongue over it as he stepped into her space even more. “Then I’ll just overwhelm you with all of me before you can even think at all...” He paused and eyed her up and down. “Deku.”

“Are they gonna fight or flirt?” Sero whispered at Hakagure and she laughs. “I’m getting mixed signals here.”

When All Might finished talking with his students he turned around, when he did he stiffened up at the scene and pulled away Izuku from the boy and gave her a push against the other teammates. “Brave...Young Bakugou...Very brave...” The hero thought as the two teens looked confused at the hero as he gave them an innocent smile and he cleared his voice awkwardly. “COME ON LET’S BEGIN!”

Previous chapter    Next chapter

[flowesona]

Saviours Part Two - Yandere! Taehyung x reader x Yandere! Namjoon

The Anarchy AU Masterlist

Warning: Graphic depictions of Violence

“No… leave me alone…” (Y/N) murmured, pushing at Namjoon feebly as he nevertheless continued to toy with her hair, some kind of warm happiness previously unseen displayed across his face.

 “Why would you reject me, darling?” He responded, not wavering for a second. 

 “You… murdered everyone… I’m probably next, right?” His “darling” managed to spit out, causing him to frown as the cogs started turning in his head, a wicked plan forming.

 “Me? That was all Tae, darling.” He said, stopping his amorous activities. “He wanted everyone dead, especially Hoseok. I went along with it because I wanted to protect you at the very least.”

 “H-He wanted to kill me?” (Y/N) stuttered, feeling her heart drop to her stomach as her image of Taehyung was warped until he was practically a villain.

 “Disgusting, isn’t it? I don’t know if he even loves you or if he’s just satisfying himself when he spends all that time with you.” With every word Namjoon observed her face drop, trying to suppress the smile that his face was itching to show. “He’s a monster, (Y/N). You can’t trust him.”

 “Who can I trust?”

 “Me. Just love me darling, and I’ll save you from that monster.”

                                            »»———————►

“I love you.” The gunshot that put him down was haunting, to the point that (Y/N) was physically shaking. She couldn’t take her eyes off the blood pooling around Hoseok’s head, the glaze of his eyes, the last heave of his chest.

His killer turned to meet (Y/N), a sick smile on his face. Blood stained the golden skin, but Taehyung made no effort to wipe it off, just stalking towards her with the gun still smoking in his hand.

She couldn’t move. No one to help her, no one to care for her. Just a sick murderer, a psycho killer with no remorse.

“I should have done this a long time ago.”

He raised the gun and pulled the trigger.

(Y/N) shot up, sweat painting her forehead. Seeing no one next to her, she sought relief from the only other survivor. Yet, even as she traipsed the halls she couldn’t find him. It didn’t matter how boarded up the windows were, she wasn’t safe.

Until she stumbled onto the rooftop, finding Namjoon checking the label of some can. Yet she also saw the other gang member polishing a gun barrel, a sight that was enough to send her running. Not before Namjoon noticed her presence and stood up to see what was wrong, leaving Taehyung with a cold shoulder.

“What’s wrong, darling?” Namjoon found her cowered in the bedroom, blanket wrapped around her shaking form. 

“N-nightmare…” She said, refusing to meet his eyes.

“What about?” He pressed, sitting next to her.

When she didn’t respond, Namjoon knew his plan had worked perfectly.

“It was about Tae, wasn’t it darling?” (Y/N) was still silent but gave a small nod. She barely flinched as he pulled her into a warm embrace, tucking her head over his shoulder. 

“I-I don’t want to die!” She whispered hoarsely as he stroked her hair. “Not by his hands! Please, don’t let him kill me!” 

“I would never. I would die before he laid a single finger on you.” Namjoon cooed into her ear. (Y/N) was blind to his victorious smile at winning the competition he & Taehyung has sworn to never have. He’d forced his way into (Y/N)’s heart in a different way.

                                             »»———————►

Continuous rejection started to wear on Taehyung. Every moment was spent thinking about her and what had gone wrong, and not even his previous trophies could satiate him. With their hideout only being occupied by three people, there was plenty of room for him to pace about and mutter to himself. He couldn’t comprehend how she could reject him so easily, after all he gave her.

 It was his resolve that he had to try harder. He had to push down the possessive envy that rose up inside whenever he saw Namjoon being particularly affectionate with (Y/N) and instead strived to prove himself as better. Nothing seemed to work until it was too late, with the bubble of pessimism that had been gradually growing reaching the bursting point.

                                             »»———————►

 Taehyung lifted her bag off her shoulder, slinging it around his shoulder.

 “You look tired” was his only comment, and (Y/N) suppressed her desire to argue as she looked at him, not seeing a man but a monster.

 “How much further?” She asked Namjoon, who she’d taken the hand of, just to feel secure.

 “No more than ten minutes, darling.” He responded, offering her a comforting smile.

 “Do you want me to carry you?” Taehyung asked. “You deserve a rest.”

 (Y/N) shook her head determinedly, clutching Namjoon’s hand just a bit tighter. This didn’t go unnoticed by her other partner. It was when he reached for her hand only to have it jerked away that he reached his breaking point.

 “What have you been up to?” He spat at Namjoon, stopping in his tracks. “What have you been saying to her?”

 “Nothing that isn’t true.” Namjoon responded, continuing to walk ahead even as Taehyung stopped.

 “Bastard.” His sweet face was curled into a sour snarl as he grabbed the taller man’s collar from behind, pulling it taught. (Y/N) panicked seeing the fury in his eyes and let go of Namjoon to tug at Taehyung’s sleeve.

 “Let him go! Please, don’t kill him!” She begged. “Don’t kill anyone else!”

 Taehyung stopped for a second, her words processing in his mind before it clicked.

 “He’s been blaming me for the massacre, just so he can win you over, hasn’t he?” He said, tugging at his victim’s collar once more to emphasise his point. “I’m sure he’s left out all the important details. Like how he organised the entire ambush and paid off one of the tribes for the attack. His hands are covered in just as much blood as mine.”

 “No…” (Y/N) let go of Taehyung’s sleeve and backed away from the duo. “You’re despicable… both of you… How could you…?”

 “You underestimated him, love. Namjoon has had you on strings this entire time, keeping you away from me so that you wouldn’t see the truth.”

 Namjoon, who had been mostly quiet through the ordeal, felt something inside of him flip when he saw how she looked at him with such despite. His plan hadn’t worked, she didn’t love him unconditionally as he wanted her to.

 With ease he tugged himself from his associate’s grasp, letting him fall back slightly from the impact.

 “You imbecile. You realise what you’ve done?” Namjoon indicated towards (Y/N), who was backed into a wall, shaking. “We agreed to work together. Now you’re trying to tear us apart?”

 “You don’t deserve her. She’s mine to love only.” Taehyung taunted further, not seeing the hot rage rising from the other man. “She could never love you.”

 He would have continued his verbal attack had he not been overpowered and knocked to the ground by his rival. Namjoon’s hand firmly grasped his face before smashing it into the hard concrete. A sickening crack told all of the damage, but the torture didn’t end. The ground became stained with blood as (Y/N) could only watch in horror.

 There was no way Taehyung was conscious or even alive after the brutal attack but that didn’t stop Namjoon snatching the awl from his victim’s jacket pocket and stabbing it into the younger man’s neck, a spurt of blood indicating that he’d found the right spot to burst an artery.

 Once he was certain that his victim was dead he stepped away from the body, scowling when he scanned the area but couldn’t find his (Y/N) anywhere in sight.

 “(Y/N)? Where are you darling?” He called out. No response.

 “Darling, you don’t have anything to protect yourself.” He said, starting to pace and look around the corners of every building to find her. “You’ll die if you try to defend yourself without me. Don’t be stupid.”

 His eyes locked onto a piece of debris which had shifted suspiciously when he spoke. He didn’t let on that he knew, still calling her name as he approached with light footsteps. Crouching down next to the metal sheet, he smiled at her.

 One of his blood-soaked hands reached out to her.

 “Our world is filled with such disgusting monsters like Taehyung, darling. So many people want to hurt you, but not me.” Namjoon cooed, tucking a distressed piece of hair behind her ear and letting the blood transfer onto her face with a sadistic delight. “I’m only here to protect you from them. We can be each other’s saviours, right?”

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

If you could write Thor 4 what would the plot look like?

So...hmmm...

If it were up to me. Really up to me...

Thor would be shown struggling with his depression and anxiety

He would have nightmares of his brothers being killed in front of his eyes. He would wake up sweating and screaming while Rocket or Mantis try to calm him down

The next morning he would put on a golden face like last night never happened and use booze as a cover, which obviously the guardians can see through

He would be suggested by Rocket (yes) to talk to someone

And he will talk. To whom? To Nebula. (You leave the how when and where to me)

And when she'll speak of the internal gaping black hole swallowing up everything in her chest, he would be astonished at relatability

The relatability of not being whole like Nebula? Wait...the relatability of not being whole like... Loki? Oh Valhalla

The worst part of it all is the enemy taking advantage of this Thor who stands in the middle of the battlefield, broken at the regret and the loss. And just like it happens with any sane person going through this mental agony, he starts questioning everything and everyone in his life

And he loses

Quill blames him for the loss. He's not wrong. But the hurt is too much for Thor to even consider this loss.

That's when Gamora-the one from the other timeline- enters and tells them they need to win this fight if they want to save the galaxy. 'Because if we don't," she stresses, "you might as well be preparing yourselves to live in hell."

Hell

Hell?

Hel!

Thor knows what to do

And he tells the Guardians his plan

It is a very stupid plan

But Groot, being the millennial soul, says he's up for going to Hel to bring Hela to help them out. And he hopes he can find Loki there too (Rocket and Nebula were the ones who figured it out)

And yes, of course, Thor has thought about Hela! He knows what's at stake. He isn't going let his evil sister roam free without precautions okay

And so they all go to Hel

And they meet Hela

Loki's nowhere to be seen

It breaks Thor

Hela wants to take advantage of it

But it only leads to Thor getting mad at her and going on a rage fest, letting out how this was his last hope to let his brother know he understood it now!!

Hela is taken aback. Not only That was more of Frigga and less of Odin she saw right there, but but also coz Hel reverberated at Thor's outrage, reflecting what he was feeling

She makes a deal (because she gets to rule over the souls of the enemies they kill (in Hel)...at least that's what she says) while Thor gets to save the galaxy. But the catch is that the guardians won't leave Hel till Hela makes sure Thor doesn't do something nasty to her (she's got a nice view from there and she'd like to.keep it that way)

And so it begins

You think yeah that's right. No one can beat Hela

Thor, cuffs Hela as a precautionary measure. of course, he never hears the end of it and is having migraine along with flashbacks, which somehow seem to only lighten him up

The enemy isn't as weak as they thought. Neither is Thor. Well, that's coz the boss hadn't entered the fight yet

And now Hela takes a whiff of her Hel smoke and breaks the cuffs to kick off the filthy swine off her brother's broken body lighting up with crackles while he smiles and laughs and she just rolls her eyes.

"dont even think about it," she says

The duo make the bad guys lick the dust off their feet to the music from something as badass as Hela. Now I need to browse through that too

The guardians are safely returned to their ship. Nebula seems to have a crush on Hela

Hela notices it and flirts with that hot blue lady before strutting back to Hel

Thor bids farewell to the guardians and thanks then for everything they've done for him while nebula asks for Hela's number

Post credit scene- on a deserted planet, a hooded figure walks a shadey road where brothels, cheap hotels and taverns line up the street. It walks into a bar where the aliens around it don't give it a second look while he gets himself a drink

The bartender compliments the hooded figure's dagger it has on its waist and talks about it till they go '...but I wonder why the God of thunder is roaming about carrying about a mere dagger'

The figure freezes for one-tenth of a second before a voice goes behind him, 'because the sun has finally decided to shine on him. Again'

To which Thor removes his hood to show his clean look and that perfect braided hair Nordic look while he smiles at that said person who isn't in the camera frame

Well, that was my version of Thor 4

Thanks for giving me the chance, anon 😄

Ask me, anything. anonymously

[mikamangata]

If BTS attended Hogwarts (Maknae line)

This is the second part! (Here’s the first one) I had to split it into two because otherwise it would have been a little too long^^ Like the first part, this takes place before the Hogwarts battle and after the first wizarding war and student attend Hogwarts between the ages 14 to 24 (I know it’s a little weird but it fits better with the story) Enjoy!

-

Kim Taehyung

Fourth year Gryffindor

Pureblood: both parents are wizards

His grandmother has been taking care of him since Taehyung was a young child because his parents lost their sanity after being endlessly tortured with the cruciatus curse during the first wizarding war (Taehyung still visits them at St. Mungo’s but his parents don’t recognise him)

Best friends with Jimin since his first train ride to Hogwarts (“Can I sit here? Everywhere else is already occupied.” “Yeah sure! My name is Taehyung and I think I lost my right sock somewhere around here! If you see him, tell that idiot that I’m looking for him and that I’m angry because now my toes are cold.” “Will do.”)

Had a heated discussion with the sorting hat because it wanted to put Taehyung into Hufflepuff but Jimin got into Gryffindor and they wanted to be together

First Jimin and Taehyung were a close knit duo but then they met a cute shy first year named Jungkook and they became an inseparable trio (they’re almost always attached to the hip)

The three of them actually started a relationship at the end of Jungkook’s first year and they’ve been together ever since

Owns an approximately two metre long snake named ‘Gucci’ (Hoseok’s number one nightmare material after Ronald McDonald the clown)

His most prized possession is the marauder’s map (Taehyung swears he found it in the shrieking shack but the others are convinced he stole it from a certain janitor/grinch with a weird ass cat)

Jimin swears he can hear Taehyung whisper every night when they go to bed “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good” like a prayer (Taehyung doesn’t do it to 'activate’ the map, he just says it)

Taehyung is the school’s most notorious prankster (and he’s immensely proud of that title)

Managed to hex every classroom so that all the furniture inside stuck to the ceiling, unfortunately he got stuck too (“I know this looks bad Professor McGonagall, but let me explain first.”)

Once turned Jungkook into a rabbit for about an hour as a 'prank’ but when he turned him back the maknae cried and Taehyung felt like the worst human being in the world so since then he is fiercely protective of the youngest (but they all are, honestly)

Does alright in all of his subjects except for Care of Magical Creatures, he’s an outstandingly good student at that

Is the only member of their rag-tag group of friends except for Jungkook who is able to see thestrals (Taehyung saw a patient die when he visited his parents at St. Mungo’s once, he was about ten at that time)

His patronus is a lion cub (playful but brave and strong, Jimin swears it grows with Taehyung)

-

Park Jimin

Fourth year Gryffindor

Muggleborn: his parents own a cute tea shop in London

When his Hogwarts letter smashed a window, his parents thought they were being under attack by the neighbours (freaking Miss Johnson and her stupid flying letters)

Owns a cute, slightly overweight cat named 'Ppopo’ (Yoongi once called her fat in first year and Jimin cried, since then everyone compliments his cat a lot)

Loves to baby Jungkook (“Don’t worry Kookie, hyung will help you with that.”)

Is a moderately good student that wouldn’t get in trouble a lot if it wasn’t for Taehyung (“I don’t think we should do this to be honest.” “Come on Jiminie! What is the worst thing that can happen?” “Death. We could literally die, Taehyung.”)

Spent his last two summer holidays at Taehyung’s (and calls Tae’s grandmother 'granny’)

Loves to take long baths (Preferably in a certain Hufflepuff prefect’s bathroom)

Once sneaked into the first floor girls’ bathroom because of a bet with Taehyung and was nearly scared to death by moaning myrtle (he didn’t talk to Taehyung for over two weeks because of that)

Does extremely well in potions for some reason (“Well Mr. Park, your potion seems to be the only one that didn’t explode. Five points for Gryffindor.”)

Is one of the Gryffindor quidditch team’s chasers (and damn good at that, the only person that’s more agile on the broom is Jungkook)

Ate too much pumpkin pie in third year and got sick (“I told you to stop after the fourth piece but you didn’t listen!” “Shut up Tae, I regret nothing.”)

Let’s Jungkook sleep in his bed whenever the younger has a bad dream or wants to cuddle (Taehyung usually joins them when he notices)

Loves astronomy so much that his friends lovingly nicknamed him 'petit prince’ (after the children’s book)

Hates DADA with a passion and isn’t really good at it (“I don’t want to hurt anyone and Taehyung point your wand a different way you’re scaring me.”)

May look cute and innocent but don’t let that fool you; Jimin plays wizard’s chess unforgivingly cruel (“Checkmate, Taetae.” “Finally it’s over! You sadistic piece of shit! You knew you were going to win right when we started, you just wanted to see me suffer!” “Yes.”)

Loved by/loves the house elves (him, Jungkook and Taehyung always sneak into the kitchen to eat and have a chat with them)

His patronus is a chipmunk (playful and cheeky but at the same time clever and attentive of other people’s feelings and the world around him)

-

Jeon Jungkook

Second year Gryffindor

Halfblood(?): both of his parents were wizards but his mother was muggleborn

Was taken in by his aunt and uncle as a baby after his parents were killed during the first wizarding war

Detests that part of his family: his aunt and uncle treat him like a good-for-nothing slave and his asshole of a cousin gets spoiled rotten and uses Jungkook as his personal punching bag (thankfully he just has to spend some summer holidays with them and is 'free’ from them the rest of the time)

Since he was raised by muggles he had no idea that he’s a wizard and was adoribly lost in that world at first (thankfully his six kind, newfound friends guided him gently)

Shares a room with Jimin and Taehyung because the other Gryffindors are scared to room with them after Taehyung shaved off a guy’s eyebrows in his sleep (“It wasn’t on purpose I swear!”)

Is a really shy cute ball of fluff but probably the most courageous person you will ever meet

He’s the golden maknae of their group since he’s good at almost everything (except for Arithmancy, why the hell did he even take that subject? He hates math)

Best student in DADA (it’s not that he practices much; he’s just able to do it)

Youngest member on the Gryffindor quidditch team; he’s their seeker since first year (after he accidentally caught the snitch at the beginning of his first year he was promptly taken into the team)

Hoseok and Jimin always fly with him, even though Hoseok is on a rivalling team (“You’re doing great sweetie!” “Thanks Hobi-hyung.”)

Has a completely black owl named 'olppaemi’ (which literally means 'owl’ in Korean, very creative of you Kookie)

Has a non-existent sense of direction; gets lost about every second day (and that idiot Taehyung wouldn’t even lend him the marauder’s map so he’d at least get to class on time once a year)

Loves to be babied by all the members of their group of friends but would never admit it (“Eat some more eggs baby or you won’t be fit for the game later.” “I’m already full, Jin-hyung.”)

All six of them have a soft spot for Jungkook that he shamelessly uses whenever it’s convenient for him (but he loves them so much too, they’ve become his new family)

Can see thestrals: he sometimes 'dreams’ about his parents’ murder but he doesn’t know if it’s just his mind playing cruel tricks on him or if it’s actually real (he was just a baby when they were killed, he thinks it’s unlikely that he remembers but it just feels so awfully real so he isn’t sure)

Cried after he stumbled upon the Mirror Erised in first year and saw his parents behind him; Yoongi found him later, they had a long talk which ended with Jungkook falling asleep and Yoongi giving him a piggy-back ride to the Gryffindor common room (“That never happened.” “It did, Yoongi-hyung! Don’t try to deny it!” “Shut up Kook before I hex your bratty ass.”)

His patronus is a white rabbit (that thing jumps as fast and agile as Jungkook flies and all his friends think that their resemblance is adorable)

-

Author’s note: Well that’s it! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!^^ If you find any mistakes tell me so I can correct them :3 (and I thought for a very long time about which houses I should put them in, it was really difficult. I could definitely see some of them in different houses but I feel like it fits better with the story.)

[liannyeong]

Known

Summary: She did not see this coming. How did it lead to this? How did she end up in this twisted fate? // A sequel to Unknown

Word count: 2521

Pairing: Jaebum X OC

Warning(s): mafia!Jaebum, this may be rather gory though there’s nothing explicit here, oh and there’s action violence in here, I have no idea if I should categorize this fic as angst but well there are those moments

A/N: I suppose I enjoyed way too much with this fic. I’ve always wanted to write something more action-packed so I attempted to do so with this fic. I hope you enjoy this! :)

She did not see this coming. How did it lead to this? How did she end up in this twisted fate?

Jaebum has his hands tied behind his back, his face badly bruised, his classic suit torn here and there, caked with blood. His eyes burn with rage and it scares her. Not because she has never seen him that way before, but he has never looked at her that way. He has never gotten angry at her, never this intensity. His face screams betrayal, and a part of her heart breaks. But she has to be professional. She schools her face stoic.

"I did send my boys to get her, to get you. But I found out about her past. And well," Park throws his hands up. "Here we are." He grins evilly, as he pours himself a drink. He lifts the glass up, as if making a toast to his audience, and then takes a sip. "She's the best assassin one could ever want. A pity you didn't know that." 

Jaebum doesn't even respond, but he stares right at her. His eyes never waver, the intensity in them increasing with each passing moment. She's scared of his rage, but she can't do anything about it. She can't show her fears. If anything, being an assassin has taught her to feel nothing. Yet, she can't help the fear blooming in her chest. It's been so long since she felt fear. She hasn't felt it in years. A lifetime, perhaps. And now, she yearns for numbness again.

Park places his glass on the mahogany desk and whispers to her ear, "You know what to do."

She pales, eyes widen in shock as she stares at the older male. No. Didn't he promise that he would keep Jaebum safe? Then why is his command entirely the opposite of what he promised? She stands in the room, immobilized. Is he breaking his promise?

"What are you waiting for?" Park barks.

"You promised me you wouldn't harm him!"

He sneers. "No, silly girl. I promised that I won't hurt him. But I can order others to wreck him." An evil grin breaks onto his lips. His voice low and rough, he says, "And I'm ordering you to do so."

No. No way! How can he... No. Idiot. She has been an idiot. She has been played. Why didn't she see this coming? She should have known better than to trust the words of a criminal. The years of living as a normal human being has gotten to her. It made her soft-hearted. It made her trust people easily. It made her dependent on others. Her skills and abilities as an assassin has rusted.

"Kill him!" Park commands as he shoves the gun into her hands.

With trembling hands, she aims at Jaebum, who is still staring back at her. As if he's challenging her to kill him. As if he wouldn't forgive her for eternity. But despite all the fire in his eyes, she can never unsee the man she loves. She will never have the heart to kill him with her hands. 

"No," she breathes out as she changes her target, pulling the trigger as soon as her aim lands on Park. The middle-aged man barely missed the shot, which hit the guard behind him as he raises his arm up, and twists her arm. She bites back a groan. When Park pulls out another gun, pointing at her forehead, she easily ducks down whilst sending an uppercut kick. His hold on her loosens and she slips her arm away. Her fingers run along the side of her thigh, and she unsheathes a knife. But she didn't have the time to stab Park with her knife, for his underlings have fired shots at her direction.

Her skills may have rusted, but all it takes is a little cleaning and scrubbing to get it shiny again. She has lived most of her life dodging bullets and blocking attacks. It's all deeply ingrained in her body, a muscle memory. She takes cover at the desk, thankful that its huge size can shield her completely. She fishes out a few knives, and when she finds the right moment, she rolls away from the shelter and throws at the guards in the chest. Hastily, she attacks and defends herself as she comes closer to Jaebum. In one hard tug of her knife against the ropes, she frees Jaebum. He says no word of thanks - not that she's complaining, considering their lives are in danger.

More guards stream into the room and it's a clear win for Park. But not on her watch. She has held the title of a deadly assassin for years. The title may have been taken away from her but not the skills that gave her that name. Her footsteps light, her body easily blending into the shadows of the dimly lit room, she moves around, slitting throats. With each second, the numbers dwindle.

As the last body drops to the floor, she realizes she's standing in a room filled with dead bodies. A crazy bloodbath. Crimson everywhere. The carpets soaked, imprints and splatters on the walls. A gory sight. One that she hasn't seen for so long. One that she realizes she missed so much.

But she has no time to bask in reminiscence. Jaebum is not here and so is Park. She could only hope that Jaebum is close to killing the other male. She pulls out every single knife that pierced into the bodies, then sheathing it back to where it belongs. As much as she likes her knives to be clean, there's not much time to do so. Not when Jaebum's life could be in danger. She dashes out of the room, her instincts telling her to head to the rooftop. Park would want to escape. The easiest would be by helicopter. As she climbs up the stairs, she hears gunshots.

She keeps herself to the shadows, observing for a moment. Park has got good agility despite his old age, dodging each of Jaebum's shots and attacks just barely. He's got good strength too, for each blow that he lands on Jaebum sends the younger flying backwards. Jaebum groans at a particular attack and he drops to the floor. Park then steps onto his arm, earning another howl of pain from the younger.

She unsheathes two knives from her upper arms and hurls them at Park. Both inflicted injuries on him, but only one is buried into his body. Park grunts in pain, but pulls the knife out anyway. In the midst of it, she has rolled herself closer to him, sending kicks and punches without stopping.

But she didn't see her own knife in Park's hands. He slashes the knife at her, across her stomach and the fabric of her clothing tears, followed by a crimson red liquid splattering out onto the ground. She backs away defensively, clutching at her new wound. Park doesn't rest either as he blindly slashes the air with her knife.

"I should have killed you back then!" he growls.

"But you couldn't," she taunts as she evades his attacks. It's like they're dancing around on the rooftop, in circles. One attacks, the other defends. It reminds her of her dance with Jaebum when they got married. The only difference is that it was far more romantic back then, and it wasn't Park that she danced with. Nor was she an assassin. She was a normal girl.

Until of course, this bastard came into her life. 

When she killed the men in the alley, her blood pulsed. It felt as if her power surged through her blood, and she felt powerful. Her heart pumped, her moves swift, just like the old days. The thrill of killing. The satisfaction of slitting throats. She had long forgotten that feeling after she was shot in the chest and nearly died. She had long forgotten how it felt to kill after she was on the brink of death. That memory burnt through her soul, and guilt overwhelmed her. For all the lives she took, she had no remorse. But that moment when she nearly tasted death, she remembered every single torturous death she did on her victims, on the orders of her clients. She regretted them all.

She started a fresh page, moved on, and did her best to be kind.

But the past would always come back to haunt her. Sometimes she has dreams of the souls she took, haunting her, repaying the same action to her. She would wake up in cold sweat, tears streaming down her face, and she would fear sleeping. She never told Jaebum any of these even though he asked her about her nightmares. All she ever did was latching herself onto him, clung on him as if it was her life.

A week after she killed the men in the alley, Park came with an offer. She refused, but he threatened to take Jaebum's life. She had no choice. Just like that, she was back to her old self. The cold and ruthless assassin against her will once more. But now, she has someone to protect.

Her eyes glaze over to Jaebum, who's flat on the ground, too weak to move. His whole face bloodied and bruised, and the frowns on his face indicate extreme pain. She feels sorry for him. He shouldn't have met her. If she never existed in his life, maybe this wouldn't even happen.

She doesn't realize her temporary distraction is a golden chance for Park to stab her knife into her stomach. She coughs out blood from the move, her knees buckling.

"Your days of being a ruthless assassin are long over. You're nothing like that now," Park sneers. "A shame to your reputation." He pulls out the knife and once more, drives it back into another part of her torso. And again. And again. She expects him to finish her off. She expects him to thrust the knife onto her beating heart. But he doesn't. Instead, he leaves the knife in her body, and pulls himself up to where Jaebum is. No. Not Jaebum!

She tries to move her body, but each movement is like hell. It hurts. Her blood starts pooling beneath her. Her vision blurry. She starts seeing black spots at the corner of her eyes. But she struggles. She struggles hard to keep herself awake. To keep herself alive.  She pulls out the knife from her torso and drags herself closer to the duo, crawling on the ground.

Park grabs Jaebum by his collar, hoisting him up as if he weighs nothing. The middle-aged man sneers at his rival, unaware of her plans. "Any last words?" Jaebum lets out a string of vulgarities, followed by a bloodied spit at the older male's face. Anger flushed to Mr Park's face, his eyes narrowed at the helpless male. 

"Goodbye, Jaebum." 

"No," she hears Jaebum say. "Goodbye to you."

A gunshot rings in the air. A slash through the air.

Park drops to the floor, and so did Jaebum.

When she sees blood pooling underneath Park's body, she lets out a sigh of relief. She pulls herself up, despite the crazy dripping of her blood onto the ground. She struggles to stand on her two feet, but the sight of Jaebum getting up, and very much alive brings happiness to her. However, she should have noticed the gun in Jaebum's hand first for he started firing shots at her. All of them missed her. She reckons Jaebum's doing so purposely, for she wouldn't have been able to dodge those shots in such a wounded state.

Jaebum has his gun trained on her as he approaches. Instincts told her to run, to save her own life, to kill him. She has always survived on her instincts. But perhaps this time she doesn't want to listen to her guts. Perhaps this time, she doesn't want to survive. The great loss of blood makes her dizzy that she can't hold herself up with her two legs. So she lets her knees buckle once more. 

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you," he snarls from an arm's distance. 

How merciful of him. This could have been her chance to beat him senseless, throw a knife at his heart and escape. But she has no knife. And she has no strength. Every breath she takes seems to sap away a part of her life force.

"You should. After all I've done, you should put an end to this. To me." She dares herself to look at the male. She dares herself to meet his gaze. She smiles. "I'm happy. That you're safe. That you're alive."

She can't really tell, but the soft clinking of the gun makes her think that Jaebum's grip on the gun has loosen.

"What does it matter to you whether I'm alive or not? You betrayed me!" He screams.

"I know." She smiles sadly. "I know a 'sorry' doesn't help but still... I'm sorry."

Her eyes droop low, tired of all the day's events. Tired of everything. But as her eyes start closing, she notices a shift in the distance. So she forces her eyes open again to see Park slowly sitting up. She plucks her knife from her back, much to Jaebum's surprise. She reckons he thinks she wants to attack him. She doesn't mind the sound of his tightened grip on the gun. If he were to shoot her, then it'll all be over. She hauls it at Park's direction, right at his forehead, his eyes blown wide in shock that his eyeballs seem to pop out of its sockets. He drops to the floor once more and so did she. She tore her wounds with that action. Even more blood is lost.

"Idiot!" She hears Jaebum yell and then, the clinking of the gun as it drops to the ground. Jaebum crouches before her, pulling her into his arms carefully. "You idiot! Why did you even..."

She tries to stay awake. But black spots are now blooming in her vision. "Are you crying?"

"Shut up."

"Are you crying... Over me?"

"Shut up!"

She smiles softly. It takes a great deal of effort to move her arm and brush his face. It hurts a lot, but she pretends it doesn't. "I'm sorry for betraying you. But all of it was true. All the memories, all the feelings you made me feel... all of them are true. And if there's one thing that isn't a lie, then it's my feelings for you." His tears drip onto her face. It's the first time she has ever seen the male cry. He has always been smiling, as if he feels no pain nor sadness.

"Jaebum," she calls his name ever so softly, as if sharing a secret. She places her hand onto his cheek, her thumb wiping away a tear. "I'm truly sorry."

Then her hand drops and she feels herself falling.

Falling.

Into his arms.

Into the darkness.

Into a world where there is no return.

[thejonzone]

Jon Writes a Year-End List

My favorite songs of 2020, alphabetically by artist

Bedouine (Margo Guryan cover)- The Hum

The original Guryan version is good but Bedouine’s take is cleaner, all the better to emphasize Guryan’s blissful songwriting. I could listen to the chords in the chorus forever.

Bob Dylan- I’ve Made Up My Mind to Give My Heart to You

It’s nice to hear Bob sing a yearning and clear-eyed love song. And the way he stretches out his words gives the whole thing a confidence that’s easy to get lost in. 

Boldy James- Giant Slide

Boldy had a great year, and it’s The Price of Tea in China with Alchemist producing that stood out to me. 

Empty Country- Becca

I don’t go to music festivals anymore, but listening to this album makes me dream of hearing it live, while being dehydrated, sweaty, feet hurting, holding in a p*op, a late afternoon sunburn loading. I want the whole thing!!

fawning, Rui Gabriel ft. Jack Riley- God

Toss it on the cloudy day walking playlist!

Frances Quinlan- Went to LA 

Great cathartic yell in this one. Quinlan builds up a palpable tension here. It rocks.

Judy ft. Jack Dolan, jommis- Say What U Mean

You’ve got to imagine these fellas knew they had put a few catchy melodies down while trying to out-croon each other.

Kurt Vile ft. John Prine (John Prine cover)- How Lucky

A Prine acolyte with a feature from the man himself. RIP.

Lala Lala, Grapetooth- Valentine

Kind of like a slow-dance song at nightmare prom. I love the percussion and Frankel’s villainously-low voice.

Lil Durk- Street Affection

The range of emotions Durk can access and scroll through is impressive.  

Miranda Winters- Little Baby Dead Bird

Scuzzy guitar and violin create a hypnotic effect in this evocative dirge. Miranda Winters is such a good singer. Check out her main band, Melkbelly-- they put out a great album this year!

Nap Eyes- Mark Zuckerberg

Two guitars: one is pointy, the other is chugging. That is the correct way to do two guitars.

Noname- Song 33

This song is 70 seconds. 70! Noname casually negates J. Cole and the song isn’t even about him. She’s so great. 

Ratboys- I Go Out at Night

Julia Steiner is on her The Hours shit in this melancholic fantasy of leaving and not returning. 

Rio da Yung OG, Lil Yachty- 1v1

I like how Yachty comes in on his verse! It’s been fun to see him back in action with his new Michigan friends. Rio is the star here, though. And Enrgy too. 

Soccer Mommy- yellow is the color of her eyes 

Sophia Allison’s delivery of “The tiny lie I told to myself is making me hollow” might be my line of the year. 

Swamp Dogg- Memories

The whole of Sorry You Couldn’t Make It is great, but for Swamp Dogg, who has covered John Prine, to work with the man before he died is a special accomplishment, and we’re better off that it’s recorded. 

Tall Juan- Irene

One of my favorite 2020 releases. And I’ll be a bit vulnerable here folks….when I am walking outside and this song comes on, I push my butt out a little bit and walk like I have rhythm and purpose. 

Tierra Whack- Dora

I’m so excited to see what Tierra Whack does, from her beat selection to how she jumps between flow and cadence. She understands herself so well. 

Non-2020-specific Music I Enjoyed, in Superlative Form

Group Vocal Performance Most Likely to Pierce Your Heartless Facade

Yesu Ka Mkwebaze

Best Song to Listen to if You are an 1850’s-era whaler in Your Feels

Mary Ann

Favorite Duet (Not Blood-Related)

Emmylou Harris and Herb Pedersen (but mostly Emmylou) create such an intricate and gorgeous melody on “If I Could Only Win Your Love”. Pedal steel heads and mandolin freaks, eat up.

Favorite Duet (Blood-related)

The Louvin Brothers- When I Stop Dreaming

Any longtime friends of the show know I’m a big fan of the singing duo The Louvin Brothers. They’ve got that golden country tone but it’s the blood harmony that turns these guys into something else entirely.

And here’s the kicker, folks. Emmylou covered When I Stop Dreaming! How coincidental for all of us reading this End of Year list…. The Louvins are my preferred version, but Emmylou, that you could help me make this connection is enough, dayenu!

Most Surprising Use of a Song in a Network TV Show

"Yama Yama" by the Yamasuki Singers, Fargo Season 2

When I was a dishwasher at St. James Cheese Co., late 2016ish, this CD was in our back of house music rotation. It is a magical album-- a Japanese children's choir with French pop production (think a bunch of bells and shit). I never learned the name of the album while working there and it fell out of my mind until years later when, after remembering how much I loved it, realized I had no idea how to find it. The pain of typing different spellings of “japanese children’s choir” into google for days on end.....I literally yelled when Fargo used this in its Season 2 big boy shootout. *chef’s kiss*

Best Album by a Spiritually Hungry Musical Genius, Lapping Her Contemporaries in Arrangement, Theme, and Songwriting, Gone Before Her Time

Judee Sill’s self-titled debut. 

Best Use of a Second Keyboard in A Keyboard Solo

Fountains of Wayne’s Red Dragon Tattoo

Do I mean to say synthesizer? Not sure. RIP Adam Schlesinger and long live FoW. What a loss.

Best Vibes/ Song I’d Most Want to Show Ezra Koenig so That We’d Bond & Become Friends

Zibote

Best Lyrics Written by a Jew in 1920’s NYC Being Sung by Willie Nelson

Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea / to the open arms of the sea

Favorite TV Shows

Ramy

-Second season shook its focus on the titular character and oh am I thankful. Not that Ramy himself isn’t great, he is, but the entire cast here deserves attention. The Uncle Naseem episode. The Uncle Naseem episode. Ahem. The Uncle Naseem episode.

Joe Pera Talks with You

Lovecraft Country

-Small gripes and complicated plotlines aside, this anthology connecting gothic horror, racism, and American history is phenomenal. 

Small Axe

-The second installment in this series, Lovers Rock, which takes place at a party, is the vicarious shot in the arm you deserve, you little extroverted thing you. 

I May Destroy You

Betty

The Last Dance

-The first Bulls game I ever went to was the first game *without* Michael Jordan, at the beginning of the ‘98-’99 season. Bad timing.

The Chi

Schitt’s Creek

-This show was never about the plot. Am I allowed to say that? I’ve never cared less for a plot and more for a cast. Catherine O’Hara is in her own league above us all.

Jon Writes a Year-End List

In 2019, my roommate June and I took a road trip through the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I was out of a relationship, happily or unhappily I wasn’t sure yet, but along the way I downloaded Tinder hoping to meet a local who’d be excited to make out with me. There wasn’t much bite on my line, but by the time we reached Marquette, largely due to my good looks and charisma I’d orchestrated some type of group date with June, me, a girl from Tinder, and her friend. 

We met at a dingy karaoke bar and drank for cheap. Nobody wanted to hear me sing, but I got on stage anyway and gave “Willin” by Little Feat a go. Some guy at the bar in a maroon work shirt looked at me, scoffed, and left to smoke outside. The four of us weren’t hitting it off, even with alcohol. I and the friend made a plan to sing “Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow up to Be Cowboys'', but she quickly abandoned the duet after we had begun, citing a lack of vibes.   

But we kept singing and drinking and hours later I was leaning against the bar, waiting to order, standing next to maroon-shirt guy who had so easily shrugged off my existence earlier. What caught my eye as I stood next to him was a Star of David tattoo on his forearm. And sure enough, the name tag stitched onto his shirt identified him as “Isaac”. Well I’ll goddamn be-- this guy was frickin Jewish! I was shocked-- I assumed he was goy in the same way I assumed everyone I ran into up there would be. 

For just one unconscious assumption (I’m the only Jewish person in this Marquette karaoke bar) to be wrong felt great. My assumptions are really awful. I assumed maroon-shirt hated my guts. I assumed these two girls we were drinking with thought I was a loser too. I assume people don’t like me or respect me or have any interest in getting to know me. I tell awful stories about myself to myself, and my assumptions about the world are limiting and boring! With patience, “guy at bar who kinda scowled at me” had all of a sudden turned into “my new friend Isaac” who, after a few minutes of conversation, I “asked to bum a cigarette from.”

One of my favorite shows of 2020 was Joe Pera Talks With You. I still remember watching Joe Pera’s stand-up for the first time, and then rewatching and rewatching, savoring his cadence. He dressed and spoke like a grandpa, replete with pitch-perfect, kinda-gross mouth sounds, stutters, and low-but-driving energy. It’s a good bit, and Joe has morphed it into probably the funniest, sweetest, and least-pandering show of 2020. What I love about this show is its foundational belief that anyone can surprise you, you just need to give yourself time to notice.

I didn’t end up making out with anyone but I did wake up the next morning with the worst hangover of my life. Wake up, barf, whimper. As June drove us out of Marquette, I could barely keep my eyes open. I did notice, however, a massive, wooden structure jutting out into Lake Superior.

It is this same Lake Superior structure that Joe Pera Talks With You fixates on for its first shot of Season 2. Yes, this is an Adult Swim show that takes place in none other than Marquette, Michigan! Which is weird. Think about other movies, shows, or books that take place in the U.P. You can’t! Even zooming out to include the larger Upper-Great Lakes region leaves us with an almost-empty net: The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot and titular Gatsby’s origin story on Lake Superior. These are stories of hard living and life and death on the dangerous Great Lakes. But neither of those are specific to the Upper Peninsula.   

Regions are an easy if reductive lens with which to attempt to view and understand people. In 2020, broad and sweeping generalizations about large swaths of people continued to gain power. There was the movie adaptation of JD Vance’s ahistorical Hillbilly Elegy. Woolly-eyed liberals trotted out fake maps of a preferred America that holds only the “good” blue states, not at all engaging in the history of racism and voter suppression that got us here. Besides the fact that Georgia went blue. And Democratic strongholds like California, New York, and Chicago betray any notion of a “better” America. The sins of this nation are not cordoned off into one section or time zone, no region is monolithic, and most importantly, no person can be explained away with a quick sentence.

There is no regional monolith more widely misunderstood than the Midwestern gestalt. Fargo (the show) does a great job of serializing this one type of Midwestern character-- they say “oh sure, happy to help” and they’re murderers. So for Joe Pera to settle his show in the U.P. is a fun choice. Most Americans are probably hard-pressed to conjure an accurate mental picture of who the U.P. is, so Pera creates his own flavor of a seemingly-recognizable small Midwestern town.

In the first episode, Joe walks us through the bean arch he’s growing. Why grow snap beans? “Beans are straightforward.” Straightforwardness, or the appearance of, is central to Pera’s charm. Pera’s shtick is walking the audience through a basic task that can serve as a metaphor for a larger existential question. This conceit isn’t new to Pera, but it has been en vogue recently, with shows like Andy Daly’s Review and the new HBO show How To with John Wilson. These shows present a simple stated goal that obfuscates a larger, more complex grapple. 

Joe Pera Talks With You is incredible and endearing because of the genuine tone Pera gives his tight-knit Marquette. We’re getting deranged lunatics like Conner O’Malley and Dan Licata to write jokes for 70-year old Michigan grandmas at a salon. The show trades in the perceived Midwestern folksiness for a punchline, yet doesn’t lose itself in irony or resentment. 

Every character in the Joe Pera universe has the opportunity to be profound. Pera gives every character the patience they deserve; even O’Malley’s berserk Joe Rogan listening-caricature Mike Melsky gets incredible moments of vulnerability. It’s a rare comedy: self-aware but not self-obsessed, sweet but not gross, and uniquely funny.  

Nowhere else on TV are you going to see such consistently great acting. Some of the best working comedians are in this season. Conner O’Malley has found a way to tap into his unsettling grotesque that is a pleasure to watch, playing characters at the ends of their ropes, shrieking. Jo Firestone is hilarious and essential as Joe’s doom-prepper girlfriend Sarah. We get guest stars like  genius Carmen Christopher. Even one-line role players like Joe’s teacher-coworker, who says Joe and Sarah go together “like desk and chair,” knock it out of the park. 

The questions at the heart of Talks With You feel more pronounced in a year of death and isolation. How do we connect with people? How can we really be there for our loved ones? How can we feel comfortable in our own skin? The show came out pre-pandemic but Pera’s touch and pacing is universal.

It’s difficult not to compare Talks With You to How to with John Wilson. The two shows have a lot in common. Both protagonists are soft-spoken, and speak at an arrhythmic clip. John Wilson’s voice is affected just like Pera’s; both vocal deliveries are meant to engender trust by signaling to us that they’re lacking some social confidence. But I don’t buy Wilson’s shtick as much as Pera’s.

John Wilson’s show is not straightforward in the same way Pera’s is, and the show suffers under the added weight of pretense. Wilson’s tangents lead us to places that barely fit under the established thematic umbrella and feel forced. On memory, Wilson’s adventure with the Mandela Effect turns from fascinating to boring as the truthers devolve into sketch characters, viewing simple spelling errors with magnifying glasses. “How to Cover Your Furniture” spends an upsettingly long amount of time with an anti-circumcision advocate as Wilson works through the question of how much we are allowed to change parts of other people. Meant to appear as if they effortlessly fell into place, these characters feel shoe-horned in.

Both characters and shows are performative authenticity, and Joe Pera and John Wilson’s whole deal is their status as observer. This year, many of us have become observers. I know I have: unemployed, unable to see people, watching death counts climb, sending money to various bail funds and rent relief to people and organizations near and far. There is a responsibility to being an observer. It is not some callous task. Being an effective observer means allowing your subject the space they need to be as they are and not foisting your own nonsense onto them.

In Joe Pera’s America, it’s understood that everyone is weird. By virtue of being human, we are all weird, off, we do confusing things, and say dumb stuff that doesn’t make sense. Even you’re a weird freak. John Wilson’s subjects seem like circus animals, squeezed in front of the camera for their fucked-up little flip. I can’t shake the feeling that John Wilson is making fun of the people he’s observing. Pera’s observations are rooted in the fairness that comes from seeing humanity in people-- every person has an equal chance of surprising you with how weird they are if you just make them comfortable and let them talk. We owe that to each other.

To be fair, these shows are also very different. Wilson’s found-footage, documentary style is ingenious, hilarious, and completely not the vibe that Pera and Co. are going for at all. And region here is everything. Wacky stuff happening in NYC? Eh, isn’t that par for the course over there? Wait, a show set in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula? Ok...now that I’ve never seen. 

Obviously I was wrong about Isaac in Marquette, just as any broad assumption about a region and its people will be. I actually learned that Jews have a significant relationship to the U.P. And I found similarities between my own Jewish history, covering a similarly nebulous area of the Rust Belt/Midwest, and my U.P. cousins. Yes, home was closer than I thought, even across the length of Lake Michigan. Yes, people don’t just hate my guts. Yes, we can overcome lazy assumptions and we can even connect with people. We can make a better world. It just requires patience and listening.

Now, on to my thoughts regarding Fiona Apple’s landmark album Fetch the Bolt Cutters...

[thezachrogers]

The top 50 films of 2016 cont...

(added 9 more films, top 59) - revised 4/3/2017 *chuckle* *chuckle*

Okay, Okay, I see what’s happening yeah, you’re face to face with greatness…

Ladies and gentlemen, the TOP 25 FILMS OF 2016 (from what I saw)

32. Florence Foster Jenkins 4 Stars (86% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7/10 on IMDB)

31. Paterson 4 Stars (95% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.6/10 on IMDB)

30. La La Land 4 Stars (93% on Rotten Tomatoes 8.9/10 on IMDB) Watch it on Redbox, not worth spending your hard earned money in the theater.

29. Kubo and the Two Strings 4.5 Stars (97% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8/10 on IMDB) This was one of the darkest animated theatrical films I have ever seen; more so than The Nightmare Before Christmas. The voice acting cast is definitely the most A List of the year with Matthew McConaughey, Charlize Theron, and Ralph Fiennes. The kids need to be a little older to watch this one. 

28. Disney’s Queen of Katwe *family film* 4 Stars (92% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.3/10 on IMDB) 

27. Fences 4.75 Stars (94% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8/10 on IMDB) 

I ranked this film so low because I did not necessarily like it. Denzel Washington and Viola Davis both gave outstanding performances and most likely one of them, if not both will win the Golden Globe and/or the Academy Award. The content of this film was super dark and there really wasn’t a story; just a whole lot of dialog. I imagine it would be a better Broadway play (as seen above) than a movie. It is rated PG-13 but families, if you want to see this film, it is not for the kids. There were two families in the theater I watched this in and the film has a constant use of the n word. Kids do not need to see this. Wait for rental for this one, not worth seeing in theaters.

26. Captain Fantastic 5 Stars (82% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.9/10 on IMDB)

Incredible movie about modern hippy living. I unfortunately know someone who lives like this with his family and it is so sad to watch these people’s lives unfold. The world is progressing, not regressing and this film reveals the harsh realities of what these families go through. These people are not happy, they are just running from what is in front of them, the kids get little glimpses of what REAL LIFE is like and they want more, and that is okay, yet the selfish parents don’t let these kids have the opportunity to have any sort of reality and attainable success. I hate knowing that people actually live like this. I love that this movie brings awareness to it. Keeping kids from medicine and starving them IS CHILD ABUSE. Period. There is no way around it. This movie is rated R for language.

25. Sing Street 4 Stars (95% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8/10 on IMDB) now on Netflix

24. Loving 4 Stars (89% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.1/10 on IMDB)

23. Eddie the Eagle 4 Stars *family film* (80% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.4/10 on IMDB) now on HBOGO

22. Blood Father 4 Stars (89% on Rotten Tomatoes, 6.5/10 on IMDB)

21. Hunt for the Wilderpeople 5 Stars (97% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.9/10 on IMDB) 

Feel good movie of the year. Was definitely a sleeper. Beautiful Cinematography of New Zealand and Sam Neil’s best performance to date. Watched this film on New Year’s Eve and I am glad I did! Now available on hulu and redbox!

20. The Edge of Seventeen 4 Stars (95% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.5/10 on IMDB)

19. Deadpool 4 Stars (84% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8.1/10 on IMDB) From 15 to 1, these are all the movies you should have seen in theaters or missed out on. If you can catch ANY of the below films in theaters, DO IT. #rantover. Anyways, this is an R Rated Comedy. Fortunately, I watched a limited censored version on FXX. But I'm telling you, go read the parents guide on IMDB. Again, parents this is an R-Rated comedy for graphic violence, language, and full on nudity, DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS TO SEE THIS!

18. Sully 5 Stars (86% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.6/10 on IMDB) Watched this on Redbox last week, one of the five films I wish I saw in theaters in 2016. Tom Hanks and Clint Eastwood definitely got snubbed of Golden Globe nominations. One of Hanks’s best performances. Shove it in there with Forrest Gump, Captain Phillips, Saving Private Ryan, Philadelphia, Bridge of Spies, Cast Away, Saving Mr. Banks, Catch Me If You Can, The Green Mile, Big, Apollo 13…never mind.

17. Deepwater Horizon 4 Stars (84% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.3/10 on IMDB) On DVD Jan. 10

16. Arrival 4.5 Stars (94% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8.3/10 on IMDB) Interstellar and Inception made love and conceived Arrival. What a freaking movie. Amy Adams is currently nominated for the Golden Globe, I don’t know why for a Sci-Fi film, but its probably because of Denis Villeneuve’s directing. This movie has me so amped up for Blade Runner 2049 and the second installment in the Sicaro franchise. See this movie while it is still in theaters and let your mind be blown!

15. Manchester by the Sea 5 Stars (96% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8/10 on IMDB)

Read review here.

14. Disney/Pixar’s Finding Dory 5 Stars *family film* (94% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.5 on IMDB) 

It’s the sequel to Finding Nemo, do I need to say anything else?

13. Marvel’s Doctor Strange *family film* 5 Stars (91% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.9/10 on IMDB) I have this filmed currently ranked #3 out of the 14 Marvel films. It is Benedict Cumberbatch at his best. Might be the most psychedelic movie I have ever watched. GO SEE IT IN THEATERS IN IMAX 3D NOW

12. Disney’s The Jungle Book *family film* 5 Stars (94% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.6/10 on IMDB) Jon Favreau is a freaking genius. A-List Ensemble voice cast is superb. You will fall in love with Neel Sethi (Mowgli) and be in awe of the beautiful imagery in this movie. One of the best movies I saw in theaters in 2016. Now available to watch on Netflix.

11. Hell or High Water 5 Stars (98% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.8/10 on IMDB) Hate that I missed this one in theaters. I like to call this one “The Finest Hours 2″ since Chris Pine and Ben Foster are a duo in this film as well. This is a thriller that keeps you on the edge of your seat the entire movie. Rent on Redbox immediately!

10. Everybody Wants Some!! 5 Stars (96% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.1/10 on IMDB) 

Another movie I missed in theaters. 2016 was such a great year for sleeper comedies. So many underrated comedies and too many overrated comedies came out in 2016. This is Richard Linklater’s 80s College follow-up to the 70s High School cult classic Dazed and Confused. Definitely a lot of great up and coming stars in this film. In about 15 years we will look back at some of these actors’ careers and this is the film that will be their launching pad, I guarantee it.

9. Lion 5 Stars (86% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8.1/10 on IMDB)

8. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story 5 Stars *family film* (85% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8.1/10 on IMDB)

My favorite movie of 2016, obviously. This film is also my #2 favorite of the nine Star Wars theatrical films falling to The Empire Strikes Back. I was never old enough to experience the original trilogy in theaters and I think this was the closest I will ever get to that. It took me back to that world of the 1977 original film. Rogue One takes place just moments before the original 1977 film. Darth Vader and Grand Moff Tarkin (1977 original characters) play major roles in this film which is the biggest takeaway of this movie. Other cameos of older characters from both the original trilogy and the prequel trilogies will make all the fanboys go nuts. Go see this movie now before it leaves theaters. I know I will.

7. The Revenant 5 Stars (82% on Rotten Tomatoes and 8/10 on IMDB)

The most gruesome and realest film I have ever seen. This 3 time winning Oscar film is deserving for every award and nomination. The role of Leonardo DiCaprio’s career, he goes on a manhunt for the man who murdered his son, based on a true story during the post colonial times in America. This is a buyer for blu-ray.

6. Eye In the Sky 5 Stars (95% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.3/10 on IMDB)

Alan Rickman’s final film of his career (rest in peace). This realistic modern warfare drama is all about the hardships of drone warfare. It’s not as simple as pulling a trigger and flying a ship from a cubicle. Go rent this one on redbox now.

5. Captain America: Civil War 5 Stars *family film* (90% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8/10 on IMDB)

Clearly Marvel does not have enough good villains to spread across their cinematic universe, so they had to do a third Avengers film and title it as “Captain America”. This is the film we all wish Age of Ultron was. More Vision plus we got Ant-Man and our new Spider-Man! Great buyer for bluray. Hands down the best MCU film so far in the franchise.

4. Disney’s Moana 5 Stars *family film* (95% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8/10 on IMDB)

2016 was just Disney’s year. 16 films and they were all outstanding. Moana shines as one of Disney’s best animated films to date. Dwayne Johnson is now in the family as one of Disney’s best and most lovable characters. All brand new and original music from Hamilton’s Lin-Manuel Miranda. I cannot get this soundtrack off repeat since I saw it. Go see this film with the entire family now!

3. The Nice Guys 5 Stars (92% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.4/10 on IMDB)

One of my top three all time favorite comedies. It is now up there with Wedding Crashers and Dumb and Dumber. Ryan Gosling and Russel Crowe together in a comedy!? I know, I know, but it works. Filmed in Atlanta, this buddy comedy takes place in the 70s during the rise of the porn industry about a murder of young porn actress. Co starring Kim Basinger and Matt Bomer. Rated R for Mild Nudity and Violence. That’s really it though, no sex scenes and not much graphic language, just a bunch of laugh out loud hilarious dialog between the two costars. ANOTHER ONE I MISSED IN THEATERS! Go rent on Redbox now!

2. Hacksaw Ridge 5 Stars (87% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8.2/10 on IMDB)

Read review here.

and the best film of 2016 is…

1. Disney’s Zootopia 5 Stars *family film* (98% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8.1/10 on IMDB) I have a new all time favorite animated movie. It’s called Zootopia. This really was just Disney’s year. This movie is filled with adult relatable humor with Breaking Bad and The Godfather references. Anybody will love this film. I bent over laughing, I cried, I sat on the edge of my seat, this was the movie Sing wishes it was, but it just wasn’t. Now available on Netflix, this movie will forever be on “My List” Well that’s it everybody, that’s my top 50 of 2016. Please don’t crucify me for not seeing Manchester by the Sea or Hacksaw Ridge, I know, I know, I will see them soon. Stay tuned for my 2016 worst 10 and the movies to keep away from that I know NOT TO WATCH from 2016. I hope y’all enjoyed!! Feel free to share!

[areallyangstyghost]

In the NBA, super teams have morphed into super pairings. Taking the lead from the world of entertainment נthose folks knew that Simon & Garfunkel & Cher or Laurel and Hardy and Abbott would never work נtrios have downsized to duos. So this season, eight superstars נall certain hall of famers נhave formed four superstar twosomes. Couch Slouch, who knows a thing or two נand only a thing or two נabout successful coupling נis here to assess the prospects for these iconic basketball marriages. (Please note that no successful coupling will ever involve I-got-my-shots-so-I-donҴ-care-what-happens-elsewhere-on-the-court Carmelo Anthony, who returned last week from his forced NBA sabbatical by recording a minus-20 in 24 minutes of play with the Portland Trail Blazers.) The duos are ranked here from most likely to win an NBA championship to most likely to end up broken, bickering and Bernie Madoff-like: 1. Kawhi Leonard-Paul George, Los Angeles Clippers: They are in their prime, they are surrounded by wonderful complementary parts and they have a fine coach, Doc Rivers. What could go wrong? Los Angeles Lakers forward LeBron James, left, and forward Anthony Davis react after center JaVale McGee dunked during the second half of the teamҳ NBA basketball game against the Memphis Grizzlies in Los Angeles, Tuesday, Oct. 29, 2019. (AP Photo/Kyusung Gong) less Los Angeles Lakers forward LeBron James, left, and forward Anthony Davis react after center JaVale McGee dunked during the second half of the teamҳ NBA basketball game against the Memphis Grizzlies in Los Šmore Photo: Kyusung Gong Los Angeles Lakers forward LeBron James, left, and forward Anthony Davis react after center JaVale McGee dunked during the second half of the teamҳ NBA basketball game against the Memphis Grizzlies in Los Angeles, Tuesday, Oct. 29, 2019. (AP Photo/Kyusung Gong) less Los Angeles Lakers forward LeBron James, left, and forward Anthony Davis react after center JaVale McGee dunked during the second half of the teamҳ NBA basketball game against the Memphis Grizzlies in Los Šmore Photo: Kyusung Gong In NBA, some marriages are meant to be annulled Well, everything. Both are still somewhat youthful נLeonard is 28, George 29 נbut both might have trouble staying on the court. In eight NBA seasons, Leonard has played 66 or fewer games six times; George, meanwhile, fractured his right leg to miss almost all of 2014-15, and he missed the first 11 games this season after shoulder surgery. Heck, load management issues alone might keep Leonard out of Games 1, 3 and 6 in a seven-game NBA Finals. 2. LeBron James-Anthony Davis, Los Angeles Lakers: These are inarguably two of the best all-around players in the NBA, unless you want to argue the point. James seems indestructible, except heҬl turn 35 next month, heҳ in his 17th NBA season and he takes more hits than Tom Brady. The Lakers could not survive a prolonged period in which James is sidelined. Davis, who never has played more than 75 games in a season, just spent seven years in New Orleans in witness protection; he canҴ wait for the postseason, since he only got there twice with the Pelicans. 3. James Harden-Russell Westbrook, Houston Rockets: This feels like a sporting Manhattan Project, except instead of secrecy, this race to make the first atomic bomb is played out in large arenas three nights a week. Harden (uranium) and Westbrook (plutonium), are durable ball hogs and wondrous to watch. But if you told either former MVP to play 48 minutes and take 50 shots, either might reply, ӗhy not 60 shots?Լ/p> 4. Kyrie Irving-Kevin Durant, Brooklyn Nets: Too big to fail? No. Too fanciful to succeed. This is a more guaranteed bust than the next Charlie Sheen sitcom. Irving and Durant keep seeking new homes to show the true measure of their talent. But they are as temperamental as talented, and Durant נout this entire season with a torn ACL נmight be a step-too-slow diva when he returns. Anyhow, ballyhooed pairings are not guaranteed to thrive. For example: Richard Nixon-Spiro Agnew: This simply did not end well for all parties concerned. Sears-Kmart: The only thing that wouldҶe made this retail merger worse is if Radio Shack were involved. Julius Caesar and Cleopatra: Frankly, I think they were using each other. Gilligan and the Skipper: Despite better Wi-Fi and more precise GPS than ever, these bozos are still deserted on that island. Bonnie and Clyde: I understand getting out of the house on occasion to break the same old, same old, but these lovebirds were just a bit too edgy for their own good. America Online-Time Warner: I have earned a paycheck from both companies, and I am here to tell you נthis was a nightmare alliance made in purgatory and destined for hell. Romeo and Juliet: If they had eloped נand I recommend eloping, particularly on your second or third go-around נI believe a life or two wouldҶe been spared. Thelma & Louise: And they say women are smarter. On the other hand, kudos to Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner for always understanding their roles. Ask The Slouch Q: If even the professionals in Joe GibbsҠpit crew mixed up the left and right front tires in the NASCAR Cup Series championship, then isnҴ it reasonable to expect my fiancee to forgive me for swiping left on her instead of right on Tinder? (Doug Thompson; Springfield, Ill.) A: Pay the man, Shirley. Q: Will the NFL stop playing games at foreign neutral sites now that Daniel Snyder has created a domestic neutral site just outside of Washington, D.C.? (Terry Golden; Vienna, Va.) A: Pay the man, Shirley. Q: With the accusations against the Houston Astros using video to steal signs in MLB, is that just now called a ӢelichickԿ (Michael Kolb; Spokane, Wash.) A: Pay the man, Shirley. Q: Will recent unrest at Hong Kong Poly U. impact thinking of the College Football Playoff committee on its ranking? (Ken Unzicker; Fairfax, Va.) A: Pay the man Shirley. You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash! Norman Chad is a syndicated columnist. Source link More sports news here

[vgblast-blog]

Top 50 Iconic Pop! Characters Of 2018

https://videogameblast.com/?p=869

Top 50 Iconic Pop! Characters At GameStop

Every Time I Go Into GameStop I Pass A New Iconic Funko Pop! Figure. I Was Curious How Many There Actually Are. Since I'm A Huge Fan Of Pop Culture, I Decided To Put Together This Top 50 List. How many of Pop! figures have been produced, I can't even estimate. GameStops online inventory is a vast treasure trove of these adorable characters. It took me a long time to pick my top favorite 50 on the list. I tried to limit my selections to only Pop! Characters that are available online. If you want any of these iconic lovable characters, or are looking for gift ideas, I'll leave a link for each as I go. Not everyone has the same taste in Pop Culture. If you like VGB's articles, or grew up in the 80's or 90's, you should love our taste in Pop! Figures. We hope you enjoy the list!  

POP! Animation: Rick & Morty - Pickle Rick

Its Pickle Rick!     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Games: Cuphead - Cuphead

Cuphead has risen to be one of the most recent iconic characters in gaming. If you've played Cuphead, you probably either would love this character, or torture it. Cuphead is one of the toughest games ever!     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Bob Ross with Paintbrush

Lets paint a tree with Bob Ross!     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Games: Borderlands - Emperor Claptrap

Bow down to Emporor Claptrap!     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Mr. Bean - Mr. Bean

Mr Bean was one of the best things to ever come from the English tele. He was one of the most epic weirdo characters of all time. You gotta love Mr Bean!     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Rocks: Garcia - Jerry Garcia

I grew up around a bunch of Hippies, so of course I was excite to find Jerry. J-Bear was definitely the coolest musician Pop! character I found.       Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Rocko's Modern Life - Heffer

If your a fan of 90's NickToons then this is a character then probably gets your nostalgic juices flowing. Rocko's Modern Life was one of my favorite cartoons on Nickelodeon, and Heffer was such an iconic character.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Movies: Guardians of the Galaxy 2 - Rocket

Rocket Raccoon is such a hardcore character. Though he may be one of Marvel's smallest characters, he is definitely one of the most crafty and fearless. Rocket is awesome!   Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! 8-Bit: TMNT - Shredder

Since TMNT Arcade was one of my favorite cabinets of all time, this 8-Bit Shredder really caught my eye. 90's Shredder was the best!   Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Steven Universe - Amethyst

That's right, I'm a geek. I think Amethyst is a rad character from Steven Universe. If you haven't gotten into the Steven Universe series, I highly recommend it.   Get Her At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Golden Girls - Blanche

Thank you for being a friend blanch, said every male cameo character to ever appear on Golden Girls. If you watch the Golden Girls now, its funny to see how they blended this dirty old birds sex life into family friendly TV.   Get Her At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: The Walking Dead - Negan

I'm a huge fan of both The Walking Dead AMC series, and the graphic novels. If you think Negan is hardcore and foulmouthed in the television series, you should see him in the comic universe. He is one of the scariest villains ever.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! WWE - Razor Ramon

Aye, its The Bad guy. If you were a fan of the WWF back when it was still called that, then you probably remember Razor Ramon. Every Pop! Razor Ramon figure should come with a crusty toothpick.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Movies: Home Alone - Kevin

Michael Jackson DNA not included.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Fraggle Rock - Boober with Doozer

You can find several of the iconic Fraggle gang if you search on GameStop's toolbar, but of course my favorite is Boober. This stoner Fraggle is accented with a Doozer. When I was a little guy I thought the doozer's were so cool!     Get Him At GameStop Online Here  

POP! Disney: Darkwing Duck - Launchpad McQuack

From giving us a ride across the Amazon, to Darkwing Duck, Launchpad was everywhere in the 90's. If your looking for a wing-man, Launchpad's got your 6.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Heroes: DC Heroes - Classic Batman

There have possibly been more Batman Pop! figures created then any other. Out of a wide selection, I chose to go with Classic Batman. Nothing beats a classic I guess.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Angry Beavers - Dagget

There are several NickToons characters to make the list, and Dagget is among one of my favorites. This Dagget figure came out looking extra angry.       Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Angry Beavers - Norbert

You can't have Dagget without Norbert. Norbert was the more cunning and intelligent of the pair. While Dagget usually screwed things up, Norbert was a problem solver. He was pretty happy go-lucky, so I'd say he was more of a frustrated beaver.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Chewbacca

Everybody's favorite Wookie! Chewy needs no introduction.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here  

POP! DC: Harley Quinn with Mallet Vinyl Figure

Possibly the most beloved villainess of the comic book world. After the Suicide Squad movies she has risen to the status of legend.     Get Her At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: The Tick- The Tick

Spoon!         Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Movies: The Sandlot - Ham

There's no crying in baseball!         Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Ahh Real Monsters - Krumm

Yet another Nick character on the list that was quite odd. I loved Krumm, and felt bad for him at the same time. Nearly every episode the poor guy dropped an eyeball. This Pop! figure comes with dreadlocked armpit hairs.   Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Ahh Real Monsters - Ickis

To accent Krumm, next we have the awkward Ickis. Oblina's stock photo was missing, but she is available if you'd like the full trio.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Games: Street Fighter Ryu (White Headband)

Perhaps the most iconic character in fighting game history! This Ryu comes with a white headband rather then his trademark red. This figure is not to be mistaken with Daniel Son.   Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Games: Sonic The Hedgehog - Sonic with Emerald

It can be said that Sonic is the 2nd most iconic character in gaming. Well if Mario is so cool, why isn't he on the list?       Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Masters of the Universe - Beast Man

If you were a fan of Heman, then I'm sure you remember this snarly guy. Skeletor's minions were all oddball characters, but Beast Man was definitely the most iconic.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Tom Servo

I thought it was so cool that Pop! created a Tom Servo figure. Most of you probably have no idea what Mystery Science Theater 3000 was. Those of you who were a fan of the show probably are happy to see this guy.   Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Crow

Tom Servo wouldn't be complete without his co-critic Crow. This duo are definitely pop culture icons.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Marvel: Deadpool - Bedtime Deadpool with Robe

Here we have Marvel's most offensive non-hero decked out in his bedtime robe. Deadpool is such a unique character, so I love that they went weird with this figure. Why the robe I'm not sure, but its kind of funny.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Games: Five Nights at Freddy's - Nightmare Freddy

There are a lot of Pop! characters from the FNaF universe, but I thought this one was by far the coolest. Freddy is already a creepy character, but Nightmare Freddy is extra creeptastic!   Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! WWE: Sasha Banks

The Boss Sasha Banks is always a controversial character. Either you love her, or you hate her. Haters gonna hate! I happen to like her a lot, and her pop figure is adorable as she is in real life.   Get Her At GameStop Online Here

POP! Television: Adventure Time/Minecraft - Finn

There are many versions of Finn and Jake. Since this is a gaming site, I decided to go with the new figures from the Minecraft crossover episode.       Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Television: Adventure Time/Minecraft - Jake

This is another companion character set. You can't get Finn without the stretchy wonder-dog Jake!       Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Movies: The Lord of the Rings - Gollum

If your a Lord of the Rings fan, then you'll probably crave this precious Gollum Pop! Figure.       Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: Rugrats - Tommy Pickles

Yet another iconic character from the NickToons universe, and possibly the greatest explorer in animation history. Tommy Pickles was great!     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Disney: Kingdom Hearts - Shadow Heartless

If your a fan of Kingdom Hearts, then you have probably have slaughter hordes of The Heartless. I think this Shadow Heartless is one of the coolest looking Pop! characters out of all.   Get Him At GameStop Online Here

Mortal Kombat X Action Figure - Subzero

Finish Him!         Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Games: Mortal Kombat - Scorpion

Get over here!     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! TV: BoJack Horseman - BoJack Horseman

BoJack Horseman is an all around odd character and show. If your a fan of adult animated comedy, then this figure is a must have.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! WWE: WWE - Jake 'The Snake' Roberts

As you can probably tell, I'm a lifetime WWE/ WWF fan. Jake 'The Snake' Roberts was one of the coolest wrestlers from my childhood. I thought it was awesome they included his pet snake Damien.     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Animation: Care Bears - Good Luck Bear

The favorite Care Bear of all Irish people.         Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Games: Street Fighter - Hyper Blanka

Who do you think would win in a fight between Blanka vs Beast Man?     Get Him At GameStop Online Here

POP! Heroes: Justice League - Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman is an old character from the DC universe. After her stand alone movie, along with the Justice League movie, her character is more popular then ever.   Get Her At GameStop Online Here

POP! Animation: Rick & Morty - Morty

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[junker-town]

The future for DeMarcus Cousins and Anthony Davis is now and maybe never

Plus, how long can the Celtics keep this up?

To watch these New Orleans Pelicans is to bear witness to the perils of potential. It's a familiar predicament for young upstarts: the boom-or-bust stakes, the pressures of living up to expectations.

For the most part, failure is an option for teams on the rise. It is the safety valve if the forecasts or the highlights outpace the development. The Minnesota Timberwolves, following two straight offseasons in the hype-machine, withered on the vine during the 2016-17 regular season. But patience and optimism persisted. All that, not to mention the arrival of Jimmy Butler, has been prologue to their strong start to this season.

If the Philadelphia 76ers fizzle out and miss the 2018 NBA playoffs, guess what? There's always next year.

In twelve games, the Pelicans are outscoring teams by 7.7 points per 100 possessions when Davis and Cousins share the floor. They're exceptionally intelligent, and unlike other big duos, the inside-out modern dexterity of their games prevents them from getting in each other’s way. Together, they draw a blueprint for giving the Golden State Warriors fits: Shooting, post-ups, pick-and-roll acuity, coupled with the instinct and size to anchor a defense. To watch Cousins, at 6'11", run the break and find Davis for an alley-oop is to catch a glimpse of the glimmering, dunktastic future.

"Both of them can play on the inside or on the outside," says Pelicans head coach Alvin Gentry. "We can alternate. When they're together, I don't think they have a weakness. Both are very good rebounders, very smart players, willing passers. I think they make the game easier for everybody."

DeMarcus (35 & 15) and AD (25 & 10) come up big, as the @PelicansNBA go on to defeat the @LAClippers at home, 111-103. #DoItBig http://pic.twitter.com/WAzk0PD40G

— NBA (@NBA) November 12, 2017

The only thing Davis and Cousins are lacking is the luxury of time. They could be a generational duo. But at ages 24 and 27, their timelines are not tied to their overall career trajectories, rather the impending free agency of Cousins.

When either leaves the floor, the Pelicans instantly morph into a lottery team, too often surrendering any advantages gained. Even with them on the floor, Davis and Cousins face long odds as New Orleans has virtually no shooting in its starting lineup. When an opposing defense inevitably bends to the middle, there is no one to punish it.

On most teams, these issues wouldn't seem unsolvable. When you've got two generational bigs on the same team, you don't sweat the small stuff. You map out a long-term plan. Things are different in New Orleans, though, where a rickety organization is trying to prove to Cousins, rickety in his own right, and an unrestricted free agent after this season, that they are worth betting on. As Tom Ziller pointed out last week, there are so many reasons to believe they aren't.

With a 6-6 record, they are just on the outside looking into the playoffs, a bar they’ll likely have to reach to retain Cousins. Their chances are a coin-flip.

The stakes are high: These Pelicans could be a test case for the next era of a basketball, bringing size back to the forefront of dominance. Or the departure of Cousins could set off a domino effect that ships Davis out of town.

"That's a no from me" -@AntDavis23, probably#DoItBig http://pic.twitter.com/XRRDeNxT9C

— New Orleans Pelicans (@PelicansNBA) November 12, 2017

Everything in the land of the Nightmare King Cake Baby is fraught with anxiety. With the win-now stakes in place and the reinforcements not, it should come as no surprise that Cousins is leading the league in minutes.

For Cousins, every game —- every moment, really —- is a potential affront. That's what makes him so good, yet so volatile. But so far, the only gripe one can realistically have with his tenure in New Orleans is that he complains to referees more per 36 minutes than the Lob City Clippers in their heyday. After their loss against the Raptors on Thursday, he credited one of his seven turnovers to a Jonas Valanciunas flop.

His usage rate, at 33.5, is fifth in the league, and he is turning the ball over five times per game. It's not as staggering as it seems, when you consider the load he is taking on, and the fact that the improvisational offense that Gentry has opted to run will require more repetition to perfect. Not only is he New Orleans’ most reliable post scorer, he initiates the offense. As of now, Cousins is relegated to being the primary creator through increasingly closed gaps, playing no small part in the fact that the Pelicans turn the ball over on fifteen percent of their possessions.

The Pelicans, in the long run, need to cut down their turnovers. But that, in Gentry’s eyes, is not as important as letting this phase in their offensive growth progress without interruption. It is, one hopes, part of a process.

“Most of the turnovers just came from us trying to make the right play,” says Cousins. “I wouldn't say we were doing anything reckless.”

One has to wonder, considering how much of the burden of production has been placed on Cousins and Davis, how long the center can hold. And can they count on any consistent assistance?

Jrue Holiday, a defensive dynamo who signed a $126 million extension to play on both sides of the ball, finally found his offense against the Raptors, exploding for 34 points to go with 11 assists. While those gaudy stats may be rarities, they’ll need him to be release valve on the regular. Darius Miller, shooting 37 percent from three, is slowly taking over Dante Cunningham's minutes. Rajon Rondo, who should be back sometime in the next two weeks is... an American professional basketball player for the New Orleans Pelicans of the National Basketball Association.

These are the splintered threads that the experiment of Anthony Davis and DeMarcus Cousins hangs by.

Occasionally, a lob opens up for Davis, and the seas part. You see what this team could be. But it's momentary. There are so many roadblocks the Pelicans face on their pursuit of the rim. And coupled with that are stylistic choices that make you scratch your head. Why, for instance, is a team with Davis and Anthony in the bottom tenth of the league in terms of offensive rebounding rate? Consider what the Pelicans have in their hands: two All-Stars who excel in and out of the paint, in a league that isn't equipped to handle even one of them. They are not marred, as other big men duos have been, with chemistry issues. They can reasonably stretch the floor, and neither seems to have an issue taking the backseat when the other has it going.

In the end, whether it's in regards to their future, or the next offensive play, one is forced to wonder: why doesn’t this all feel easier?

At Center Court

Let’s forget the uncertainty and the inevitable regression that will eventually catch up to the Boston Celtics and take a brief moment to appreciate one of the best recent stories about resilience in the face of every obstacle —- in the face, really, of potential forfeited.

By this point, you know that losing Gordon Hayward for the season to one of the most gruesome basketball injuries we’ve witnessed has not slowed down the Celtics. They lost Al Horford a concussion and still made quick work of the Lakers. The next game against the Hornets, Kyrie Irving went down with what is now being deemed a facial fracture, and Boston pulled a victory out by the skin of its teeth.

The Celtics were held to 35.7 percent shooting. Nobody scored more than 16 points. The next-man-up philosophy, it turns out, pays dividends on a team where defensive tenacity is the shared trait of the varied parts.

The success has been a testament to many things: the coaching of Brad Stevens, the hard-scrabble style of Marcus Smart, Terry Rozier and Jaylen Brown among others, to Kyrie Irving’s defensive heel-turn, but really, to what is becoming the strongest never-say-die attitude witnessed since the Cavs found themselves in a 1-3 hole in the NBA Finals.

At some point, something has to give. Until it does, I’ll continue to watch with bated breath, as they find new answers to the same question: How will they get themselves out of this one?

[powerranks]

Power Rankings, Week 6

David’s too busy to handle these so I’m stepping in for him this week. I will try to write these up as if I were writing about NFL teams. They’ll be less funny, and here’s hoping David can take over again next week. Special thanks to David, Chris, and Anthony because a lot of the points I’ll bring up in this article are things they pointed out to me during our endless conversations about fantasy football.

The Undefeated

1. Scott’s Balls 12-4- 16 Record: 6-0 Actual Rank: 1 What is there to say about this team other than it is on fire? Hunt hasn’t scored a touchdown in four straight games but has still scored 10+ every week. In case anyone somehow missed the newest “fuck you” of the year for the golden god himself, Anthony traded for Cooper before Thursday night’s game in which Cooper put in what very well may be a top 10 WR performance of the season. Meanwhile, he still has Ingram who made a hell of a resurgence last week after the AP trade. Speaking of the AP trade, Anthony followed the cardinals lead and is looking for similar success out of it. And all of this is not mentioning Bell, Gronk, and a revitalized Cam Newton. Similar to the Dodgers, this just feels like a magic year for last year’s champ. Anthony is basically a lock for the playoffs, and barring some serious injuries, I think he’s the clear favorite for the championship this year.

Closing The Gap

2. Fournette About it Record: 4-2- 0 blaze it Actual Rank: 3 Jack is 2 points in week 1 and 1 point in week 6 away from also being undefeated himself. 2 crazy losses that are gonna be crucial when it comes to playoff seeding. Last week was another heart breaker for Jack But he still looks primed for a solid run and he’s been a heavy hitter who got even stronger with a big trade for Elliot. After losing a top 10 RB in Dalvin cook, Jack did what he believed he had too in shipping off Hopkins for another top 10 RB. With Jack’s crazy combo of Fournette, AB, Gurley, and Zeke it’s difficult to not rank him number 1 overall. 3 points away from the same record as Anthony. If Zeke doesn’t get suspended this year, Jack should waltz into the playoffs and be a true contender for it all. It’s good to have you in the league man.

The Murky Middle (Ranking everyone else is a nightmare and I can see an argument for switching almost everyone from 3-7 around)

3. Mixon It Up Record: 2-4 Actual Rank: 8 Alec had a VERY slow start. But we have to remember OBJ didn’t play week 1 and wasn’t himself week 2. Now even though OBJ went down, Alec made moves and solid starts and has averaged right around 100 every week since. That’s going to win you a lot of games. He played me when my team had an outrageous 133 surpassing my best score by over 40 and lost to Anthony when he scored 158. Losing the two early games and then facing two teams that just goes off seems more like bad luck than bad team. Alec’s consistency should help dig him out of 8th place, and in the hunt all year long.

4. Scotts’ Penis Record: 3-3 Actual Rank: 6 David went out and got himself the #2 QB and is 500 across 3 weeks. Andrew Luck probably won’t play this year and it probably won’t matter. Here we find another RB heavy team. But unfortunately for David, he’s stuck with the inconsistent trio of Hyde, Ajayi, and McCoy. But those guys still have upside coming out of the wazoo. McCoy’s schedule is a cake walk and he’s BOUND to regress to the mean and score a few TD’s. Ajayi touches the ball a whopping 25 times a game and luckily volume is probably more valuable than talent when it comes to fantasy. McKinnon, Allen, and the newly acquired Smith might be able to help David through the underperforming RB weeks he’s bound to hit from time to time. The switch from Reed to Brate is a week overdue. But I see this team trending up and could see it hitting its stride at a good time this season.

5. Anthony’s Golden Taint Record: 3-3 Actual Rank: 6 Dylan’s team is REALLY hard to rank for me. So I put him at 5 cause it seemed safest and I have no idea what to actually expect from it for the rest of the year. Cousins has top 5 QB potential ROS and if Hundley locks in on Nelson his situation isn’t that bad. BUT, this is a running back driven league and Murray and CJ Anderson aren’t the sure things we’ve seen in the past. The Denver Bronco’s might turn to a committee which hugely hurts Dylan. And while Anthony’s patriots duo of Hogan and Gronk have come through for him time and time again, Dylan’s Patriots continue to underwhelm and disappoint. Cooks is having a good year but is still a Boom/Bust play and Gillislee is as frustrating a back to own as ever. But this team’s starting line up looks pretty good every single week. The Seahawks defense, a high scoring kicker, and a Tight End with endless upside aren’t a sexy as a stud RB, but paired with everything else has going on, I think it can do enough each week to keep Dylan in every matchup.

6. Green Evans and Ham Record: 3-3 Actual Rank: 7 It feels tough ranking myself and six might be too high. But the trio of Gordon, Evans, and AJ feels hard to ignore. Gordon has been a stud this year and this team definitely has the best WR duo, but with our Standard league scoring and the way RB’s dominate fantasy, its not as big a threat as some of the other rosters. Losing Rodgers is brutal and definitely knocks me down a peg or two. And getting Matt Ryan is not as savvy a solution as David and his Smith trade. Plus without my huge week against Alec and a lucky win against Jack last week, I could easily be 1-5. I’m talking myself out of being sixth. BUT, we’ve never seen this team with Gordon/Evans/Green on at the same time and I like this top heavy situation vs what we’ve going on with the next few teams.

7. Scott’s Jizz Record: 3-3 Actual Rank: 4 Another tough team to rank. Dak, Dez, and Kelce have been performing well enough each week, but definitely aren’t a scary top three. Powell and White might not start for anyone else in the league, and Michael Thomas has been a disappointment. BUT, this team does have 3 wins. And does get David Johnson back, AND has some pieces worth trading for/starting (DJAX for one). I think this team can trade its way into being solid. Someone going to the playoffs will want Johnson (Probably the AP owner, Scott please don’t trade Anthony or jack David Johnson.) and Everyone is willing to pay for either of your tightends. I personally think You need to step your RB’s up immediately or you could drop enough games to miss playoffs entirely. And I think you’ve missed out on a ton of WW opportunity this year Scott. The pieces are there. You just need to start making some moves. Your team score varies wildly week to week and is hard to predict. And you definitely have a past of starting strong and then watching your team fall apart as time goes on. I hope it’s your year to fight through that. I think whether this team goes to playoffs or goes to the sacko is completely up to you.

A Whole Bunch of Questions (This may as well be a three way tie but since I HAVE to choose, here it is)

8. Smallerwood Record: 1-5 Actual Rank: 9 Its tough to put you here because of that 1-5 record. Trading away Amari Cooper before that big game has got to hurt. And I bet your regretting it endlessly. BUT, at the time it seemed like a very solid and understandable move. You shipped off someone who had virtually done nothing but lose you games week in and week out for a lot of potential. The reason why I have you ahead of Alex and Tony is because of nothing but my faith that Julio Jones will right the ship and start putting up points again. He has some good matchups coming up, and he has all the talent in the world. Howard is a true workhouse and should be a consistent RB1 every week, and the rest of your team isn’t dreadful. You and I are both just grabbing RB’s and hoping they pan out. It’s a solid strategy that I think pays off. If Kelley/Smallwood get healthy and produce in the next two weeks, all of a sudden you have a plethora of trade pieces.

9. Hammer Record: 1-5 Actual Rank: 10 I love freeman, I love Brady, and then we get to the part of your team that worries me. Fitz/Hilton/Mccafrey/fuller are all such interesting pieces. BUT, none of them have really done enough to strike fear into an opponent’s heart. I think this is the team most likely to score 135 one week, and then score 78 the next. But its Tony and he knows how to manage a roster and he’s the one who handed down that famous Mendola Luck to Anthony, so if he makes a wild card spot this year, WATCH OUT.

10. 420 Blountz Record: FOUR TWENTY Actual Rank: 2 I ranked the guy that’s in second dead last. Just so you understand how tough this was. BUT ALEX, after Hopkins and Watson,Tyreek who’s your next best player? Tyreek and his boom/bust potential leads to a lot of heartache. Your RB’s are somewhat dreadful. Hopkins and Watkins is a fucking solid pairing and might be enough each week to squeak out wins, but if Aaron Jones and Agholar don’t pan out, this could be a long season for you.

PICKS

Hey it’s David again, cha boy making the picks

Scott’s Penis (David) over Smallerwood (Chris)

Scott’s Balls 12-4-16 (Anthony) over Scott’s Jizz (Scott)

Mixon It Up (Alec) over Fournette About It (Jack)

Hammer (Tony) over 420 Blounts (Alex)

Anthony’s Golden Taint (Dyl) over Green Evans and Ham (Beshoy)

[buddyrabrahams]

10 biggest NBA trade deadline takeaways

[clears throat and does best ancient Roman accent]

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? IS THIS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE?!?

After countless visits to the Woj bomb shelter and copious mashing of the F5 button, this year’s NBA trade deadline is now in the rearview mirror — but not before New Orleans became a Boogie Wonderland, Jeanie Buss executed Order 66, and Danny Ainge slept through all of his alarms yet again. As the salary cap dust finally begins to settle, let’s go for a deep dive into the 10 biggest takeaways from Trade SZN 2K17.

1. The Southwest Division has become a meat grinder

In their shocking acquisition of three-time All-Star center DeMarcus Cousins from the SacrHAHAHAHAmento Kings, the New Orleans Pelicans managed to melt our faces off and give the ultimate middle finger to small-ball all at once. Cousins will join forces with Anthony Davis to form what is easily the NBA’s most fearsome frontcourt duo since Tim Duncan and David Robinson, and he very well could lift the team to a Godzilla vs. King Kong-esque clash of styles against the Golden State Warriors in the first round of the playoffs.

But while the Cousins bombshell dominated all of the headlines, the Houston Rockets upgraded their own weapon system by trading for former Sixth Man of the Year Lou Williams, a top-tier bench scorer and yet another threes-and-free-throws enthusiast to toss into Daryl Morey’s cauldron. And with the omnipresent San Antonio Spurs again cruising to a 60-plus win season, the Memphis Grizzlies modernizing nicely, and the Dallas Mavericks somehow still kicking, we may officially have a new Division of Death in the Association.

2. The East is now as wide open as it’s been in years

A faint glimmer of hope shines intermittently in the distance to signal the possible end of LeBron James’ reign of terror over the Eastern Kingdom. That glimmer may actually be the Ibaka Flocka Flame that the Toronto Raptors lit this trade deadline, a get that should improve their spacing and help remedy their chronic problem of bleeding easy buckets at the rim in crunchtime. Their late addition of P.J. Tucker as a LeBron-stopper of sorts has the potential to be huge as well, especially he was had for the price of a negative asset in Jared Sullinger and a pair of inconsequential second-rounders.

But don’t sleep on the Washington Wizards either now that they no longer have a cardboard cutout of a second unit thanks to the acquisition of Bojan Bogndanovic from Brooklyn. Bogdanovic’s friskiness off the bounce and his 36.6 percent career mark from deep give the Wiz a legitimate sixth man instead having to trot out The Ghosts of Power Conference Studs Past in Trey Burke and Kelly Oubre Jr. Now as long their starting five continues to swipe lunch money, Washington is set up to a be yuge headache come playoff time.

And to think that we haven’t even gotten to the team that’s mathematically closest to the Cavaliers yet…

3. The Boston Celtics are still waiting for the right time to pounce

“This will be the year that Danny Ainge finally awakens from his trade deadline slumber,” we repeated to ourselves as we slowly rocked back and forth in the fetal position. But alas, Ainge has once again taken the advice of the Magic Conch Shell and done nothing.

Paul George? Sike. Andre Drummond? Ask again later. Jimmy Butler? LOL.

In fairness, there’s not as much urgency to deal for a superstar when the Celtics have already witnessed one emerge in-house this season in Mighty Mouse Isaiah Thomas. Ainge may also want to see a healthy Avery Bradley get more reps with this current core and wait to see where that much-ballyhooed Brooklyn pick will actually fall so as to make a more well-informed decision about the future of his team. But time is of the essence with the Cavaliers, who are just three games ahead of Boston entering the second half of the season, beginning to show signs of mortality, so it’s still tough to justify the Celtics sitting on their hands instead of throwing them.

And since we keep mentioning those pesky Clevelanders…

4. The Cavaliers are walking a dangerous tightrope

LeBron James just hit all of his prospective playmakers with a resounding “It’s not you, it’s me.” Granted, a pre-deadline move was a longshot with the capped-out, asset-deficient reality the Cavs were forced to work with, especially since they gave up what little they had left to acquire sharpshooter Kyle Korver. But it’s still a highway to the danger zone to maintain status quo when the roster only runs six or seven deep right now thanks to the respective injury absences of J.R. Smith and Kevin Love.

Fortunately though, deadline inaction is far from nuclear Armageddon for the Cavs. The buyout market is still a viable place to acquire cheap, albeit exiled, talent in order to retool for a playoff run. Ditto for the often-overlooked 10-day contract cycle, which they recently took advantage of with the signing of ex-No. 2 overall pick Derrick Williams. So while time is very much ticking on Cleveland, there’s still an ample amount of sand in their hourglass, and hopefully that means their title defense doesn’t fall flat (no pun intended).

5. Several more months of Carmelo Anthony rumors await us

#StayMe7o he did indeed, much to the chagrin of those of us who felt compelled to bang our heads repeatedly against our keyboards thanks to the constant bombardment of Carmelo chatter and the gross societal overuse of the phrase “no-trade clause.” Well, those therapy sessions now look like a pretty darn good investment with Anthony surviving the trade deadline and ensuring that many more months of Melo-brand Instagram shade, indecipherable Phil Jackson subtweets, and Spike Lee sideline struggle faces are looming on the horizon to assault the senses of the NBA fandom.

Where do the Knicks go from here? At 23-34, they’ve all but clinched another season of futility. Meanwhile, Derrick Rose will likely be gonzo after the year, but Joakim Noah will still be around to clog cap, and Kristaps Porzingis will continue to have his development stunted by the team’s Melo-centric offense. Then draft season arrives followed shortly after by the 2017-18 campaign, and we fire up the Anthony hot stove all over again. Are we having fun yet?!?

6. The Lakers are done playing games

Jeanie Buss means business if you didn’t gather from the Red Wedding she stunningly pulled on her brother Jim and Mitch Kupchak just 48 hours before the deadline. The same goes for Magic Johnson, who, upon ascending to his new perch as Lakers president of basketball operations, traded away Lou Williams, got the team involved on the Paul George front, and took calls on Nick Young, all faster than you could say “Abdul-Jabbar.”

Now none of those moves were game-changers in and of themselves, but they affirmed one message to Laker Nation: our long national nightmare is over. Johnson is already working to rebuild the franchise’s reputation in the eyes of marquee talents and scheming with new GM Rob Pelinka and the rest of the front office to put the Lakers in a position to realistically and financially be able to acquire that talent. So rival executives best be vigilant of no-look passes zipping by their ears, because it’s Showtime in Los Angeles again.

7. Doc Rivers is perfectly content to run it back again

Another team somewhat surprising in their silence this year was the Los Angeles Clippers, who took a pie to the face last deadline by swinging an eleventh-hour deal for Jeff Green, who played for the team for all of two months, in exchange for Lance Stephenson and a future first-rounder. Welp.

Perhaps the sting of that belly flop of a trade necessitated the exercise of more prudence this time around, but the Clips are in a good spot regardless. Merciful point god Chris Paul is on the verge of an early return from injury, and Blake Griffin has been Hellboy in basketball form since his own return.

While the temptation to gauge themselves against Golden State and panic into a Carmelo Anthony-type deal must have been enormous, there’s intrinsic value in the 2011 Dallas Mavericks model of keeping a nucleus intact for several seasons in the hope that they can eventually break through the glass ceiling. Though the Dubs have all but assured that the ceiling [commander-in-chief voice] just got ten feet higher, it sounds like that’s the conventional wisdom Doc Rivers is going for here.

8. The cavalry is coming behind Russell Westbrook

Those 10,000 “Save The Brodie” shirts I ordered off eBay were not purchased in vain.

Though the loss of Westbrook’s blood sworn dance partner, Cameron Payne, is absolutely devastating (not really), the reinforcements have arrived for our beloved triple-double addict. Doug McDermott will offer Billy Donovan a versatile offensive threat to close games with in those situations where the foul stench of Andre Roberson’s jumper is too much to bear. The addition of veteran forward Taj Gibson should also unlock a number of juicy tall-ball lineups next to Steven Adams in case rookie Domantas Sabonis isn’t ready for the bright lights of the postseason or if Enes Kanter isn’t the same upon returning from his upholstery-related injury.

All things considered, the cost is quite minimal for the Thunder. Joffrey Lauvergne proved to be little more than a 6-foot-11 whoopee cushion in the increased opportunity presented by Kanter’s absence, and Payne is a low-upside option at a position of abundance who simply hasn’t looked serviceable since undergoing foot surgery. With the Thunder only 3.5 games out of a top-four seed in the West, let Westbrook’s piercing battle cry shepherd the weak through the valley of darkness.

9. Is The Process still being trusted?

The trade of Nerlens Noel to Dallas was a bolt from the blue, especially since he had finally appeared to find his calling as a defensive dynamo sixth man for the Sixers. In selling off Noel, a Day One Process OG, is Jerry Colangelo beginning to trample all over the carefully-crafted sandcastle that his predecessor, the Honorable Sam Hinkie, built?

In conjunction with their earlier trade of Ersan Ilyasova to the Atlanta Hawks in exchange for the injured Tiago Splitter and two future second-rounders, Colangelo seems to be presiding over a radical shift in team-building strategy by the Philly front office. Gone are the days of building exclusively through the draft in favor of clearing out roster space and cap room, perhaps to work more closely with the free agency pool in future years.

With that in mind, dealing Noel, who is due for restricted free agency after the season, makes at least a remote inkling of sense, even if it’s still difficult to justify the late 180 of choosing to keep Jahlil Okafor over Noel. So while I can at least somewhat understand why Colangelo pulled the trigger, as a fanatical disciple of the Holy Gospel according to Hinkie, I can never forgive him.

10. Paul George survives the deadline

As it turns out, Larry Bird was just teasing us all along. Though the PG-13 fever dreams abounded from Boston to Los Angeles, George remains with the Pacers through the deadline. It’s an interesting way for Indy to maintain the outward appearance of long-term commitment to the four-time All-Star while also gathering intel as to what his trade value might be over the summer and come next season.

In the end, it stands to reason that the time wasn’t ripe for the picking to move George. The Pacers are still a playoff team and George is under contract through 2018. But as Carmelos and Butlers before us can attest, this by no means symbolizes the death of the rumor mill, for George or other potentially-available stars. So as winter gives way to spring gives way to the playoffs gives way to the summer, there shall be no rest for the weary. Long live the National Basketball Association.

from Larry Brown Sports http://ift.tt/2lvZhIM