#what can we do to not get defenestrated?

[ljlokijinx]

!Highschool era !nonpowered 17 year old Avengers as friends. They host a party at some point when Tony's parents are away. Howard doesn't approve of Tony's friendgroup. Sam is the designated driver for the night.

The next morning the Avengers are woken up by 14 yo Peter Parker - Natasha's and Yelena's younger brother who taged along so he can get blackmail on them. Oh boy he got a lot.

Peter: Wake up motherfuckers, it's currently 9 AM and we have an hour until the Starks get here. We've got to clean the place and shit. Y'all have five minutes to get your asses up and leave otherwise you'll leave by the windows. The defenestration will start with Bucky.

Bucky: Why me, Sam was the driver who got drunk?

Peter: James Bucky Barnes I am not an idiot, I saw you spike a drink and minutes later Sam was drunk. You're down to three minutes :)

Tony: How about we purposely stay here so Bucky get what he deserves?

Peter: You're next to be defenestrated so I wouldn't try it. Next is Nat because she tried to gaslight me into driving you home.

Natasha: How are you not hungover?

Peter: I'm fourteen, no where near legal drinking age.

Sam: Don't try with that you little shit, I saw you outdrink Thor, Steve, Yelena AND Tony. Separate times. You drank at least two whole bottles of vodka.

Natasha: Peter?!

Peter: I'm friends with Harley Keener, what did you expect.

Yelena: the fuck.

[strwbrymlkshake]

ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The conservative movement is cracking up

I'll be in Stratford, Ontario, appearing onstage with Vass Bednar as part of the CBC IDEAS Festival. I'm also doing an afternoon session for middle-schoolers at the Stratford Public Library.

Politics always requires coalitions. In parliamentary democracies, the coalitions are visible, when they come together to form the government. In a dictatorship, the coalitions are hidden to everyone except infighting princelings and courtiers (until a general or minister is executed, exiled or thrown in prison.)

In a two-party system, the coalitions are inside the parties – not quite as explicit as the coalition governments in a multiparty parliament, but not so opaque as the factions in a dictatorship. Sometimes, there are even explicit structures to formalize the coalition, like the Biden Administration's Unity Task Force, which parceled out key appointments among two important blocs within the party (the finance wing and the Sanders/Warren wing).

Conservative politics are also a coalition, of course. As an outsider, I confess that I am much less conversant with the internal power-struggles in the GOP and the conservative movement, though I'm trying to remedy that. Books like Nathan J Robinson's Responding to the Right present a great overview of various conservative belief-systems:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/14/nathan-robinson/#arguendo

And the Know Your Enemy podcast does an amazing job of diving deep into right-wing beliefs, especially when it comes to identifying fracture lines in the conservative establishment. A recent episode on the roots of contemporary right-wing antisemitism in the paleocon/neocon split was hugely informative and fascinating:

https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/know-your-enemy-in-search-of-anti-semitism-with-john-ganz/

Political parties are weak institutions, liable to capture and hospitable to corruption. General elections aren't foolproof or impervious to fraud, but they're miles more robust than parties, whose own leadership selection processes and other key decisions can be made in the shadows, according to rules that can be changed on a whim:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/30/weak-institutions/

Which means that parties are brittle, weak vessels that we rely on to contain the volatile mixture of factions who might actually hate each other, sometimes even more than they hate the other party. Remember the defenestration of GOP House Speaker Kevin McCarthy? That:

https://apnews.com/article/mccarthy-gaetz-speaker-motion-to-vacate-congress-327e294a39f8de079ef5e4abfb1fa555

Even outsiders like me know that there's a deep fracture in the Republican Party, with Trumpists on one side and the "establishment" on the other side. Reading accounts of the 2016 GOP leadership race, I get the distinct impression that Trump's win was even more shocking to party insiders than it was to the rest of us.

Which makes sense. They thought they had the party under control, knew where its levers were and how to pull them. For us, Trump's win was a terrible mystery. For GOP power-brokers, it was a different kind of a nightmare, the kind where you discover that controls to the the car you're driving in high-speed traffic aren't connected to anything and you're not really the driver.

But as Trump's backers – another coalition – fall out among each other, it's becoming easier for the rest of us to understand what happened. Take FBI informant Peter Thiel's defection from the Trump camp:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/11/12/silicon-valley-billionaire-donors-presidential-candidates/

Thiel was the judas goat who led tech's reactionary billionaires into Trump's tent, blazing a trail and raising a fortune on the way. Thiel's support for Trump was superficially surprising. After all, Thiel is gay, and Trump's running mate, Mike Pence, openly swore war on queers of all kinds. Today, Thiel has rebuffed Trump's fundraising efforts and is reportedly on Trump's shit-list.

But as a Washington Post report – drawing heavily on gossiping anonymous insiders – explains. Thiel has never let homophobia blind him to the money and power he stands to gain by backing bigots:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/11/12/silicon-valley-billionaire-donors-presidential-candidates/

Thiel bankrolled Blake Masterson's Senate race, despite Masterson's promise to roll back marriage equality – and despite the fact that Masterton attended Thiel's wedding to another man.

According to the post, the Thiel faction's abandonment of Trump wasn't driven by culture war issues. Rather, they were fed up with Trump's chaotic, undisciplined governance strategy, which scuttled many opportunities to increase the wealth and power of America's oligarchs. Thiel insiders complained that Trump's "character traits sabotaged the policy changes" and decried Trump's habit of causing "turmoil and chaos…that would interfere with his agenda" rather than "executing relentlessly."

For Trump's base, the cruelty might be the point. But for his backers, the cruelty was the tactic, and the point was money, and the power it brings. When Trump seemed like he might use cruel tactics to achieve power, his backers went along for the ride. But when Trump made it clear that he would trade opportunities for power solely to indulge his cruelty, they bailed.

That's an important fracture line in the modern American conservative coalition, but it's not the only one.

Writing in the BIG newsletter, Matt Stoller and Lee Hepner describes the emerging conservative split over antitrust and monopoly:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/is-there-an-establishment-plan-to

Antitrust has been the centerpiece of the Biden Administration's most progressive political project. For the left wing of the Dems, blunting corporate power is seen as the necessary condition for rolling back the entire conservative program, which depends on oligarch-provided cash infusions, media campaigns, and thinktank respectability.

But elements of the right have also latched onto antitrust, for reasons of their own. Take the Catholic traditionalists who see weakening corporate power as a path to restoring a "traditional" household where a single breadwinner can support a family:

https://www.capitalisnt.com/episodes/when-capitalism-becomes-tyranny-with-sohrab-ahmari

There's another reason to support antitrust, of course – it's popular. There are large, bipartisan majorities opposed to monopoly and in favor of antitrust action:

https://d3nkl3psvxxpe9.cloudfront.net/documents/Antitrust_Policy_poll_results.pdf

Two-thirds of Americans support anti-monopoly laws. 70% of Americans say monopolies are bad for the economy. The Biden administration is doing more on antitrust than any presidency since the Carter years, but 52% of Americans haven't heard about it:

https://www.ft.com/content/c17c35a3-e030-4e3b-9f49-c6bdf7d3da7f

There's a big opportunity latent in the facts of antitrust's popularity, and the Biden antitrust agenda's obscurity. So far, the Biden administration hasn't figured out how to seize that opportunity, but some Dems are trying to grab it. Take Montana Senator John Tester, a Democrat in a Trump-voting state, whose campaign has taken aim at the meat-packing monopolies that are screwing the state's ranchers.

The right wants in on this. At a Federalist Society black-tie event last week during the National Lawyer's Convention, Biden's top antitrust enforcers got a warm welcome. Jonathan Kanter, the DOJ's top antitrust cop, was praised onstage by Todd Zywicki, whom Stoller and Hepner call "a highly influential law professors," from George Mason Univeristy, a fortress of pro-corporate law and economics. Zywicki praised the DoJ and FTC's new antitrust guidelines – which have been endlessly damned in the WSJ and other conservative outlets – as a reasonable and necessary compromise:

https://fedsoc.org/events/national-press-club-event

Even Lina Khan – the bogeywoman of the WSJ editorial page – got a warm reception at her fireside chat:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FwdAxOSznE

And the convention's hot Saturday ticket was "a debate between two conservatives over whether social media platforms had sufficient monopoly power that the state could regulate them as common carriers":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwoO7bZajXk

This is pretty amazing. And yet…lawmakers haven't gotten the memo. During markup for last week's appropriations bill, lawmakers inserted a flurry of anti-antitrust amendments into the must-pass legislation:

https://www.economicliberties.us/press-release/fsgg-approps-bill-must-support-enforcers-not-kneecap-them/#

These amendments were just wild. Rep Scott Fitzgerald (R-WI) introduced an amendment that would give companies carte blanche to stick you with unlimited junk fees, and allow corporations to take away their workers' rights to change jobs through noncompetes:

https://www.congress.gov/congressional-report/118th-congress/house-report/269

Another amendment would block the FTC from enforcing against "unfair methods of competition." Translation: the FTC couldn't punish companies like Amazon for using algorithms to hike prices, or for conspiring to raise insulin prices, or its predatory pricing aimed at killing small- and medium-sized grocers.

An amendment from Rep Kat Cammack (R-FL) would kill the FTC's "click to cancel" rule, which will force companies to let you cancel your subscriptions the same way you sign up for them – instead of making you wait on hold to beg a customer service rep to let you cancel.

Another one: "a provision to let auto dealers cheat customers with undisclosed added fees":

https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/BILLS-118hr4664rh/pdf/BILLS-118hr4664rh.pdf

Dems got in on the action, too. A bipartisan pair, Rep Thomas Massie (R-KY) and Rep Lou Correa (D-FL), unsuccessfully attempted to strip the Department of Transport of its powers to block mergers, which were most recently used to block the merger of Jetblue and Spirit:

https://www.congress.gov/amendment/118th-congress/house-amendment/640

And 206 Republicans voted to block the DoT from investigating airline price-gouging. As Stoller and Hepner point out, these reps serve constituents from low-population states that are especially vulnerable to this kind of extraction.

This morning, Jim Jordan hosted a Judiciary Committee meeting where he raked DOJ antitrust boss Jonathan Kanter over the coals, condemning the same merger guidelines that Zywicki praised to the Federalist Society:

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/7jxc8dp8erhe1q3wpndre/GOP-oversight-hearing-memo-11.13.23.pdf?rlkey=d54ur91ry3mc69bta5vhgg13z&dl=0

Jordan's prep memo reveals his plan to accuse Kanter of being an incompetent who keeps failing in his expensive bids to hold corporate power to account, and being an all-powerful government goon who's got a boot on the chest of American industry. Stoller and Hepner invoke the old Yiddish joke: "The food at this restaurant is terrible, and the portions are too small!"

Stoller and Hepner close by wondering what to make of this factional split in the American right. Is it that these members of the GOP Congressional caucus just haven't gotten the memo? Or is this a peek at what corporate lobbyists home to accomplish after the 2024 elections?

They suggest that both Democrats and Republican primary contesters in that race could do well by embracing antitrust, "Establishment Republicans want you to pay more for groceries, healthcare, and travel, and are perfectly fine letting monopoly corporations make decisions about your daily life."

I don't know if Republicans will take them up on it. The party's most important donors are pathologically loss-averse and unwilling to budge on even the smallest compromise. Even a faint whiff of state action against unlimited corporate power can provoke a blitz of frenzied scare-ads. In New York state, a proposal to ban noncompetes has triggered a seven-figure ad-buy from the state's Business Council:

https://www.timesunion.com/state/article/noncompete-campaign-raises-state-lobbying-18442769.php

It's hard to overstate how unhinged these ads are. Writing for The American Prospect, Terri Gerstein describes one: "a hammer smashes first an alarm clock, then a light bulb, with shards of glass flying everywhere. An ominous voice predicts imminent doom. Then, for good measure, a second alarm clock is shattered":

https://prospect.org/labor/2023-11-10-business-groups-reflexive-anti-worker-demagogy/

Banning noncompetes is good for workers, but it's also unambiguously good for business and the economy. They "reduce new firm entry, innovation by startups, and the ability of new firms to grow." 44% of small business owners report having been blocked from starting a new company because of a noncompete; 35% have been blocked from hiring the right person for a vacancy due to a noncompete. :

https://eig.org/noncompetes-research-brief/

As Gerstein writes, it's not unusual for the business lobby to lobby against things that are good for business – and lobby hard. The Chamber of Commerce has gone Hulk-mode on simple proposals to adapt workplaces for rising temperatures, acting as though permitting "rest, shade, water, and gradual acclimatization" on the jobsite will bring business to a halt. But actual businesses who've implemented these measures describe them as an easy lift that increases productivity.

The Chamber lobbies against things its members support – like paid sick days. The Chamber complains endlessly about the "patchwork" of state sick leave rules – but scuttles any attempt to harmonize these rules nationally, even though members who've implemented them call them "no big deal":

https://cepr.net/report/no-big-deal-the-impact-of-new-york-city-s-paid-sick-days-law-on-employers/

The Chamber's fight against American businesses is another one of those fracture lines in the conservative coalition. Working with far right dark money groups, they've worked in statehouses nationwide to roll back child labor laws:

https://www.epi.org/blog/florida-legislature-proposes-dangerous-roll-back-of-child-labor-protections-at-least-16-states-have-introduced-bills-putting-children-at-risk/

They also fight tooth-and-nail against minimum wage rises, despite 80% of their members supporting them:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/04/04/leaked-documents-show-strong-business-support-for-raising-the-minimum-wage/

The spectacle of Republicans in disarray is fascinating to watch and even a little exciting, giving me hope for real progressive gains. Of course, it would help if the Democratic coalition wasn't such a mess.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/14/when-youve-lost-the-fedsoc/#anti-buster-buster

Image: Jason Auch, modified https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Antarctic_mountains,_pack_ice_and_ice_floes.jpg

CC BY 2.0

[tower-of-hana]

The Magic System in Harry Potter Is Kinda Dumb an Essay

The Killing Curse Was a Bad Idea

I took this one from a youtube video but it's true and I don't see it talked about a lot. The killing curse was a bad idea because it disincentivises the villains from ever attacking the heroes in an interesting way. Instead of using any type of dark magic that is interesting and cool they'll just reach for the instant death spell because it's easier.

It Doesn't Have Any Meaningful Rules:

Rules in a magic system are important because they allow the characters to establish strategies and for the audience to understand what those strategies are. Harry Potter doesn't do this which is why almost all of the magic fights are dumb and boring (it doesn't help that the main character knows like three spells but that isn't really a problem with the worldbuilding). Pretty much all the limits on the magic system in Harry Potter are used to stop the author from having to worldbuild.

It Also Doesn't Do Anything with the Lack of Rules:

That being said, anime fights where characters throw the sun at each other are dumb fun but Harry Potter doesn't do that either. Harry Potter doesn't really have any spells that are overpowered in an interesting way. As a result all fights are just characters throwing the same three spells at each other and older characters using undefined, more interesting spells to create the illusion of a better magic system.

Transfiguration Is Implemented Badly:

Transfiguration isn't a bad idea but the way it works in the books makes it completely useless. Why the fuck would anyone use a spell to turn a hyper specific thing into another hyper specific thing. That's just not all that helpful.

We Don't Know What Magic IS:

In Harry Potter pretty much everything about how magic works is badly defined. But I think most of this problem stems from the more fundamental problem that Harry Potter never establishes what magic is. In a lot of stories the author mentions at some point what their magic system fundamentally is: the force is some type of magic force that exists throughout the universe, chakra is magic energy that flows through your body etc. This is not necessary but it helps both you and the audience know what the rules and limits to magic are. Harry Potter doesn't do this so magic can just do random bullshit.

Good Guy Magic and Bad Guy Magic Operates on Twisted Morality:

Some pieces of media give the bad guys evil magic so you know that they are evil. Harry Potter tries to do this but utterly fails. Take the unforgivable curses for instance. The first is the cruciatus curse, it causes pain. This is fine, most people agree that pain is bad. The second one is the imperious curse, it allows you to control people. This would be fine because mental manipulation is generally considered to be bad. Or it would be, if the story hadn't already established that the "good guys" go around erasing people's memories all the time. In fact they constantly invade and manipulate the minds of muggles to the point where they genuinely do it more than the racist bad guys. In fact the wizarding world is basically an apartheid state enforced by the literal thought police and the main characters we're supposed to sympathize get positions of power in it (mostly) but I digress. The third is the killing curse and this one makes sense on the surface but when you think about it it's really baffling. Sure killing people with no other side effects or other purpose sounds evil until you realize that the good guys in Harry Potter try to kill people by: blowing them up, setting them on fire, crushing them with shelves of shitty plot devices, disintegrating them, defenestrating them (movie), freeing a dragon in a crowded area, setting unquestionably evil beings loose around children, suffocating them with magic plants, magic plant Havana Syndrome, crushing them with giants, burning them with the power of love, supposedly slicing them to pieces with transfigured knight statues, being eaten by magic bushes, poison murder trees, trampling them, and fucking yeeting them across the room. I dunno mate I would rather painlessly die tbh.

✨The Powa of Wuv✨

You know how the power of love is a thing we all joke about because it's such a trite and overplayed stand-in for an actual solution to a problem? Well the author decided to make it a part of the magic system. Now for the low low price of your mom you, yes you, can be immune to the plot. I would praise this as great satire if it wasn't taken 100% seriously the entire series.

[arecaceae175]

Not sure if you're still doing prompts but... what about Defenestration (the act of throwing someone out a window) for Twilight? It seems up his alley.

(I always accept writing prompts! Have some Twilight being very angry)

"What do you think they're gonna do?" Hyrule asked. He was leaning on his hands casually, legs splayed out in front of him. Beside him, Legend was laying with his hands pillowed beneath his head.

"Twenty rupees on defenestration," Legend said.

"On what?" Wild asked. His hand paused, hovering in front of his face where he was cleaning blood off his cheek.

"Defenestration is the act of throwing someone out a window," Four said with a wide grin.

"I'll take that bet," Wind said. "I'll bet on a good beating and dragging the guy out the front door."

"Ah, good 'ole public humiliation," Legend said with a nod.

"Guys, it's really not that big of a deal-"

"Shut up, Wild. It is, and they're dealing with the asshole, and there's nothing you can do about it except sit back and watch the show," Legend said.

"And probably submit yourself to mother-cuccoing when Twi and Sky get back," Hyrule added.

There was suddenly a crash of shattering glass, then a man screamed as he flew through the first floor window and landed in a heap in front of the chain. Twilight was standing inside the broken window, scowling ferociously.

The man glanced at Twilight, then back at the chain.

"I'd run if I were you," Four said. The man did.

"Is he going to get away?" Hyrule asked.

"Nah. Time and Wars will be coming that way with the guard," Legend said. He held his hand out to Wind, who grumpily shoved a red rupee into his hand.

"If Time and Wars catch him does it count as public humiliation?" Four wondered aloud.

"The bet was on Twilight and Sky, no one else," Legend said.

Twilight came crashing through the door. Sky was right behind him. Both were seething with anger.

"Where'd he go?" Twilight asked. Legend, Hyrule, Four, and Wind all pointed the direction the man ran.

"Guys, can we just-"

"Cub, whatever you're about to say, don't," Twilight said. He softened his voice and features for Wild, but the scowl returned as soon as he and Sky ran in the direction of the man.

Wild sighed and slumped against the crate behind his back, but he couldn't keep the smile from his face. It felt nice to be protected, every now and then.

[thestoryden]

Savior, Part 2

Aemond Targaryen x Targaryen!Reader

Warnings: Depictions of S.A., Violence, Incest, Crying, References to Abuse, Defenestration

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: This is part two in this series. Please read part one before venturing further. If you have any questions or comments feel free to drop it in the ask box. I love hearing from readers. If you'd like to see something similar to this and have an idea feel free to drop a request in my ask box.

Masterlist / Taglist / Requests: Open

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / ?

Savior, Part 2

You wake wrapped in your covers. Your body aches with the pains of last night. You scan the room for Aemond and find him leaning against the wall of the entry way. His sword rests in his lap and a sheet is hung over his shoulders to keep out the cold.

“Aemond?” You whisper.

He looks up to you from where he sits. His one eye looks dark and sunken and his scar is exposed, his patch on the ground next him.

He breathes a sigh of relief, “You’re awake.”

You nod your head. Staying cautiously still.

“Let me get servants to help you get dress so we can see mother.” Aemond says.

You shake your head violently. You want to say something, anything, but everything is stuck in your throat and you fear you may vomit if anything passes from your lips.

“I can help you get dressed if you need.” He speaks the words cautiously as if they could rip you apart when you hear them.

You rise and go to armoire, keeping the covers around you, afraid. You decide to keep your undergarments from last night on fearful of what may happen if Aemond see the rest of your skin. You did not want to tempt him as Aegon said you had by sleeping in a dressing gown. It makes you feel sick to think of him.

Aemond lays his hand against your back, “You have nothing to fear from me.”

You relax in to his touch. An unsteady breath escapes your lips. You open the doors to your wardrobe and move the dresses aside till you find the one you are looking for. You grab it from where it hangs and pass it to Aemond. He begins undoing the buttons as you step in to your first underskirt. You then slip the second underskirt over your head and tie it off it the back. Then take your pockets from a low shelf in the armoire and tie them. Aemond is nearly finished undoing the buttons.

He holds the gown up to your body, “Will this do?”

You nod your head and duck down a little, so he can lift the unfurled dress above your head. He pulls it down slowly so as to mind the fabric and then you take a second to align it with your pockets. You stuff your sewing scissor in them. You slip in to your sleeves and begin to fix the closures. The dress is tight and quilted, its sleeves reach down to your wrists and partially cover your hands with a white ruffle.

Aemond is working to close the front. He is half way up your torso, before he sighs frustratedly. You step away from his touch and your shoulders tense. He smiles weakly at you and offers his hand by sticking it out. You take it and he continues with his task.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He says gently, “There are just so many closures on this dress. It seems like an insurmountable number of buttons. What are they even for?” 

He is up to the closures on the neck now. When he brings the fabric together, the soft ruffle around the collar of the dress brushes under your chin. You want to answer him and say you just had it tailored that way, because that is what you prefer. But you relent and choose to tell him the truth. They are the first words you have spoke all morning and they feel sour and dry when they come out.

“They are to keep him out.” You whisper and then pause, “Aegon gets frustrated trying to undo all of them.”

“Oh,” Aemond says, ashamed now that he asked.

“He’s offered to cut the back open before, but I said mother would notice. He said he didn’t care but didn’t want to risk cutting me with his sword.” The words tumble out of your mouth now and they feel like a waterfall of rot, “He said that’s not how he wanted to break me in.” 

Aemond cuts you off by wrapping you in his arms and holding you to his chest. You whimper, tears shedding from your eyes as if your insides had all become water and were leaking out of you. Your body shudders under the weight of it all. Aemond reaches his hand reaches the nap of your neck and he cradle your head with his hand, leaning you further into him.

“It will be over soon.” He comforts, “Let us fix your hair and then we will go to mother.

You sit down at your vanity and take a comb and section out the front part of your hair, starting on two symmetrical braids to frame your face. Aemond starts on a larger braid in the back that rests on top of your loose hair. You both finish and you look up at him from where you sit. He lays his hand on your shoulder and squeezes it firmly. You look in the mirror, watching him as he speaks.

“I have to go and get dressed now. I will be back in a moment. You will be safe, Aegon is training this morning with Ser Criston.”

He leaves to get dressed and you wait on the vanity toying with your sleeve's ruffle. Rubbing the embroidered hem between your fingers. It is rough and bumpy, but the green stitches create a beautiful contrast from the white fabric of the ruff.

“Beloved sister, would you like to come watch me train?” a voice calls from the entrance to your room.

Your blood runs cold. You snap around to see Aegon in the doorway. He smiles at you. He seems more wolf than man.

“I wonder who could have possibly left such a beautiful creature unattended.” He taunts.

He begins walking towards you and you press yourself against the vanity, as if you pressed hard enough you would blend in with the wood. He reaches out his hand and presses it to your cheek. You shudder away from his touch.

“Brother, please.” You beg.

“Please what?” he asks sarcastically.

“Please, I beg you.” You stammer as your voice cracks.

He rips you from your seat and hoists you over his shoulder. Setting you back down against the cool stone. You try to lean back to sturdy yourself and realize there is nothing behind you. You feel the breeze whip past you and realize he has sat you in the open window.

“I like it when you beg, dear sister.” Aegon states, “It satisfies me to no end.”

You shake hard. The only thing keeping you in the window is his iron grip on you. His eyes run over you taking in every inch of green dress and exposed flesh. He pulls you in and kissed your jaw right under your ear.

“Though you could satiate me in other ways.” He says in a testing manner.

You quiver as one of his hands loosens from your wrist the other holds fast keeping you from falling. Aegon begins to hike up your skirts. He struggles to gather them all in his free hand.

You close your eyes and beg, “Aegon, please, please don’t do this.”

“Don’t move another muscle,” Aemond demands.

Aegon’s body goes rigid as Aemond press the tip of his sword into his back.

Aegon laughs a little, “You won’t do it, there is no honor in it.”

Aegon lets go of your wrist and you immediate extend your arms to catch yourself on the side of the window. He grabs the front of your dress. You suck in your breath ready to fall.

“Besides, if you kill me, she dies too.” Aegon taunts, “Then neither of us can have her.” 

Aemond drives the tip of his blade through Aegon’s quilted green shirt, and lets it dig in to brother’s flesh.

“I will cut out your heart out and feed you to my dragon.” Aemond threatens.

You slip your hand through the overlapping folds of your dress and into your pocket, fishing out your sewing scissors. You plunge them down through the hand Aegon is using to hold the front of your dress causing him to release you sending you through the window

“No!” Aemond shouts trying to grasp you.

Your hands just miss his and you tumble down in to the court yard.

Aegon writhes on the floor, howling in pain, “My hand, my hand, dear gods my hand.

Aemond sobs, he can’t bear to look out the window to see what may be left of you.

Taglist: @ultarviolence

[devotedlykoneshots]

NA JAEMIN: ALWAYS BEEN YOU (sequel to Lee jeno : choices)

Genre: 🔞 minors dni, jealous jaemin, possessive jaemin, jaemin just doesn't care

Word count: 3,478

---------

You were on cloud nine after your little night with jeno and you even exchanged numbers after, sneaking him out of the house before your parents noticed he'd stayed the night and you thought you were in the clear.

Unfortunately you were very wrong.

A tug on your arm has you stumbling into a nearby closet and you gasped as the door shuts, leaving you in the darkness.

You knew it could only be one person that would do this to you, in broad daylight.

Jaemin simply just didn't care.

"Good morning baby"you heard the sultry voice only belonging to the one and only na jaemin.

"Jaemin, what are you-"his lips are on yours in an instant and you gasped, closing your eyes and he deepens the kiss.

You get lost in the kiss, only something jaemin could make you do and you're both moaning into each others mouths with your tongues intertwined.

You missed this, you missed him. All of him.

You're broken out of his spell the moment he parts from the kiss, panting heavily and leaning his head back.

"I needed to see you"he said and leaned his forehead against yours.

"You see me all the time"you said and he hums, shaking his head.

"No, really see you"he said and you bit your bottom lip at the insinuation.

"I don't think that's a good idea"you spoke softly and he turned on the light, eyes taking you in after months of ignoring you and pretending you didn't exist.

"Why not?"he asked and you ran your fingers through your hair, you looked down in fear of meeting his eyes.

"We promised not to meet up like this again"you told him and he traps you between his arms, both hands resting on either side of your body.

"I miss you"he said and you shook your head.

"Did something happen? Is that why we're here?"he scoffed at that.

"Everything is fine, I just need you"he said and you looked up at him, concerned.

He loved seeing that look in your eyes, you looked so innocent and honestly it stirred up a sadistic part inside of him everytime.

He wanted to completely destroy you, devour you until there was nothing left.

"Do you need a release? You have other girls that can do that for you"you told him and he balled his hands into fists, trying to control his temper.

"I don't want them, I want you"he said and brushed his lips against yours before whispering in your ear.

"You know how cranky I get when i don't eat your pussy at least once a day"you gasped at that and stumbled over your words.

"Jaemin- i- why-"

"It's been months"he stated simply and breathed in your scent, if he could purr he would.

You smelt divine.

"Way Too long"he mumbled and grazed his lips along your sweet spot and he licks his lips.

"Jaemin-"he cuts you off.

"I was so mad when I heard you moaning last night and someone elses name"you froze at that and you gulped.

"You heard that?"you said.

"Every single moan , you should really be more careful y/n"he chuckles and couldn't help but let his tongue lick a wet stripe up your neck, you shiver and he blows air over the wet patch.

"Our parents could've heard you"you placed your hands on his shoulders and whimpered softly, he sucks your earlobe into his mouth.

"I- jaemin-"you let out a broken moan.

"Shut up and kiss me"his lips are back on yours and you moan into the kiss again, he groans softly and presses his body against yours.

Your hands also grab his shirt and pull him in closer, whispering curses into the kiss and he sucks on your tongue.

"Jaemin please"he licks your jawline and sucks on your sweet spot, you swear you could hear him growl once his mother called for him.

"We should go before they catch us"he said reluctantly and pulled away.

"You first, you have to deal with your little problem"you told him and he nods.

"I'll see you later"he placed one last kiss on your lips before retreating to his room.

-------

"I am going to defenestrate my laptop-"you spoke as soon as jaemin walks into the house later that day and he raised his eyebrows.

"Finals?"he asked and you rubbed your temples.

"More like final braincell-"you said and he moves around the couch.

"You need a break"he tells you and you sighed as his hands move to your shoulders, working out the tense muscles with his hands.

"I know but I can't afford it right now"you told him and he hums, fingers moving up to your neck and massaging there as well, fingers digging into your skin gently.

You let out a surprised gasp when his fingers wrap around your neck, he leans down and whispers into your ear.

"I said take a break, I'm not going to ask again"he said and you bit your bottom lip, moving your things to the side and he lets go of your neck.

"Come with me"he said and takes your hand, pulling you into your room.

"We've got to re sound proof your room"he said as he pulls you back into him and sucks on your sweet spot.

"I forgot we never finished"you said and he hums softly, closing the door and turning you around.

"That's because you were a needy little slut that day"he kissed your lips with so much passion and ferocity, you felt your knees getting weak as you cling onto him and whimper into the kiss.

"Jump"he whispered against your lips and you push your tongue into his mouth, he stumbles back against the door and grunts.

You jump and wrap your legs around his waist, he catches you easily and walks you towards your bed.

You scoot back on the bed once he sits you down and he climbs onto the bed, removing his shirt and you bite you bottom lip.

"I can't believe we're doing this again, we promised we wouldn't"you told him and he shakes his head, pecking your lips.

"When it comes to you there is no promise I won't break"you don't know whether to swoon over his statement or be worried.

You're interrupted by your phone ringing and you pull out your phone, gulping before glancing at jaemin.

"Is that jeno?"he asked, he could read you like a book.

"Yeah"you said and he grabs the phone from you, you let out a shreak.

"Don't answer it!"you exclaim and he shushes you , answering the phone anyway.

"Jeno? how'd you get this number?"he asked with a smirk and leaned back in for a kiss.

"Yeah sure, she's actually pretty busy right now but she can definitely call you back later"he said and bit your bottom lip, drawing out a whimper from you and you're pretty sure jeno heard that.

"Yeah talk to you later"he said and hung up the phone before setting it aside, deepening the kiss and you whimpered into the kiss.

"Why did you do that?"you asked once he pulled away and trails kisses down your neck.

"I'm giving him something to think about"he states and he uses one hand to pull up your shirt, his lips moving down to your tummy and pushing your shirt past your breasts.

"Jaemin what if he tells our parents"you said , worried. You had a good reason to be worried.

"Jeno is a lot of things but a snitch isn't one of them, now enough about jeno"he said and turned his attention back to getting you out of your shirt.

"You're so pretty, my adorable kitten"he coos as he pulls your breasts out from your bra.

"You're mine right?"he asked, placing kisses all over your breasts and you nod your head.

He shakes his head with a tsk, tugging on your nipple with his teeth.

"Use your words princess, you know I hate that"he said once he finally let up on your nipple.

"A-All yours"you stuttered , fingers in his hair and he hums , whispering a good girl before taking your nipple into his mouth and sucking softly.

"Fuck, jaemin"you arch into his mouth before he forces you back down and switches nipples, his tongue doing wonders to your areola.

"What did you see in jeno, anyway?"he asked and you looked at him, shaking your head.

"We are not talking about this"you knew you fucked up as he looked at you with dark eyes, you gasped once he slapped your breasts and gripped onto them immediately after.

"You fucked my best friend, I deserve an answer"he said and

"He was always nice to me...when you weren't"you said and he hums, soothing the spot he just slapped with his tongue.

"That's sweet and all but does he touch you the way I touch you? Fuck you the way I fuck you?"he asked and you said nothing, further proving his point and that earned you a grin.

"Mm, yeah, didn't think so"he said, there was just something different about sex with jaemin. He was definitely a lot more vocal than jeno, a little possessive and he had no problem with causing you pain. Only because he knew you loved it, see jaemin opened your eyes to the different pleasures the world had offered.

He morphed you into his perfect little kitten, made only for him.

He was devastated when you called it quits and that lasted for a few months, now that he had you there was no way he was letting you go.

So when he laid beside you and slipped his hand into your underwear, his eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head at how wet you already were.

"All this for me?"he asked, turning your head to look at him as his fingers run through your folds lazily.

"Yes, all for you"you whimpered, jaemin smiled at that.

"I bet you're extra sweet tonight"he said and you whimpered, his fingers circling your entrance teasingly.

"Jaemin-"he cuts you off, lips smashing against your own and you buck your hips as you tried to get more friction. You're only met with him stopping his movements and pulling back from the kiss, your lips brushing against his lips.

"Bet you thought about me when he was fucking you, don't you?"you moaned against his lips and shook your head, your brain fuzzy from the feeling of his lips being so close to your own.

".. That's not true"you mumble and he grabs your neck, his grip tight around your neck once he was seated up straight but still leaning over your body.

"Admit it"he demands and you gasp, his fingers finally entering you with a delicious stretch. Your legs wrapping around his hand and his fingers curled inside of you, pulling a moan out of you once he started to thrust them into you slowly.

"Okay, yes!"you cried out and he loosens his grip a bit, still pumping his fingers into you slowly and he leaned down to you.

"Yes what?"he asked, pressing his forehead against your own.

"I think about you"you admitted and he chuckles, licking at your bottom lip and suckling your lip softly.

"I know that, silly"he said with a laugh and kissed your lips deeply, hovering over your body as he moved between your legs.

"Let me in"he whispered against your lips and you opened your mouth slowly, his tongue enters quickly and you suck on the soft muscle.

"Jaemin"you flicked his tongue with your own and his hands come up to brush your hair out of your face, pulling back from you completely and kissing his way down your body.

His hands hastily remove the rest of your clothes and he pushes your legs apart but you cover yourself, shy all over again and his eyes soften.

"Remember our first time"he said and you nodded your head, the atmosphere changing in the room.

"Take my hands baby, I promise I'll take good care of you"you felt your heart melt at that, those were his exact words the first time he brought you to an orgasm with just his tongue and fingers.

You both never lose eye contact with each other as your fingers intertwine and not even when his tongue licks a stripe up your heat, your eyes only fluttering once he sucks your clit into his mouth.

Your trance broken once your eyes close and your back arches, his tongue moves a bit faster than before and then he's flicking your clit before sucking on it again.

"Jaemin-"you whimpered and he continues his ministrations, rubbing your clit with his unoccupied hand and pressing your back down to the bed once you arch your back at a particular suck to your flesh with your hands still intertwined.

It felt a little too intimate for you and that's the overwhelming part, sex with with jaemin felt too much like making love during foreplay. It felt too good and the look in his eyes as he watched your expressions change with every movement of his tongue to your most sensitive part, it drove you over the edge.

This time was no different and once he sped up his movements as his tongue slurped your juices up like a smoothie has your back arching, your body trembles as your climax crashes into you abruptly and he had to quickly come up to cover your mouth.

His fingers untangle from your own to slip into your entrance again and his thumb rubbing your clit slowly, guiding you down from your high.

"Jaemin-"you call out for him and he is kissing your lips , waiting for you to look at him and calling to you with a soft voice.

"I'm here, I'm here"he said sweetly, this is why you had to break it off. You were falling in love with him.

His mouth is back on your pussy and that alone has your eyes opening and back arching, whimpers falling from your lips and he continues to use his fingers on your clit but having his tongue join in to give you twice the pleasure.

"Oh fuck-"your fingers find his hair and he starts to pump his fingers into you again, fingers curling to hit that sweet spot that tore the sweetest sounds from the depths of your belly.

"You're gonna make me cum again"he hums at your comment but only speeds up his movements, stuffing his slick fingers in your mouth to keep you quiet and you moaned around his digits at the taste of yourself on his fingers.

You bit his fingers once you got to the edge and he pulled his tongue off your clit, fingers slapping against your clit as he thrusts his fingers into you roughly and his hand clamps down over your mouth to muffle the scream that rips from your lips as your climax hit again.

When you come back to your senses jaemin is sucking his fingers clean before taking your nipple into his mouth.

"Fuck me"you whimpered and he flicks your nipple with his tongue a few more times before pulling back , getting off the bed and stripping off the rest of his clothes.

"Yeah? Does my pretty girl want my cock?"he asked and you nodded your head eagerly.

"Need it"you answer and pull him on top of you once he was done kicking off his bottoms, he runs his tip through your folds to gather your slick and you whimpered at the feeling of him so close to where you need him to be.

"Please just-"

"Fuck me?"he finishes your sentence once he cut you off with his tip pushing into you ever so slowly and your gasp is caught in your throat.

"Breathe"he whispered against your jawline, licking your neck and sucking on the skin there.

You forgot how big he was and this was another reason you had to stop sleeping with him.

He was too fucking good.

"Oh God"you breathed out a cry and he bit his bottom lip, thrusting into you a little faster and watching your expression change before your legs wrap around his waist.

"Faster jaemin please"you begged him, you didn't care that you had yet to get used to his size.

"I know you haven't gotten accustomed to my cock that fast"he chuckles but he wasn't expecting what you said next.

"I don't care just fucking ruin me"his smile dropped at that, it was like you were ripping a bandaid off a bloody wound that hadn't healed yet.

"Are you sure?"

"Give me your worst, I can take it"you awakened that side of him he tried to hide from every other girl he dated trying to get over you, his hips pound into you suddenly and his hand covers your mouth again.

"Fuck , you could always handle me so well"he groaned softly and you moaned uncontrollably into his hand, his unoccupied hand pulling on your nipple and causing your back to arch as you cried out against his hand.

"You were made to be my little cockslut , isn't that right?"he moved his hand so you could answer with a breathless yes and his hand is back over your mouth again, fucking into you faster as he builds momentum.

He pulls your hips back against his hips once you started to move up the bed from his thrusts and hovers over your body, his cock fucking into you faster at this angle as he moves his hand and pushes his tongue into your awaiting mouth.

Your moans and grunts mix together as your arms wrap around his neck, you cling onto him and your tongue lolls out of your mouth once he pulled away.

"Gone cock dumb already baby?"he asked and you shook your head, not willing to admit it but it was no use. Jaemin knew it, the fucked out look on your face said it all and here you were losing your mind on his dick once again.

"Y/n dear please let my son know we went out and we'll be back later"jaemin gives you one particular hard thrust once you tried to answer and you covered your mouth at the squeak that almost left your throat.

"Will do!"you called out to her quickly and shook your head at her crazy ass son, smiling down at you and placing your hand against his chest as he moves your legs onto his shoulder.

You look at him in fear and he smiles at you with a mischievous look in his eyes, as soon as he heard the door close he was pounding into you again and this time his hand was no longer preventing any sounds from leaving your mouth.

"Oh fuck-"your head hits the pillow and you moaned uncontrollably, his hand holds your head up and he looks down to where he entered you immediately.

"Look at how well you're taking me, baby"he rasped and angled your head so you could see, your hands clinging onto whatever you could get your hands on.

"I'm gonna cum"you cried out, looking back up at him after swallowing the lump in your throat and he groaned deeply.

"Shit, I'm gonna cum too"he bites his bottom lip and snaps his hips into you faster, your lips collide once more and the kiss was a mess.

Tongues colliding and saliva being shared between both of you, hands gripping onto each other desperately as you both lose yourselves into the moment and each other.

You're both too caught up in the moment to hear the door opening and closing, someone has entered the house and you're crying out jaemins name like a matra.

Red lines litter across his back and chest from you clawing at him desperately, he pins you to the mattress as he fucks into you roughly and just the way he knows you like it.

"I'm cumming , holy shit I'm cumming jaemin-"

"Cum with me , shit"it takes a few more thrusts and you pull him into a sloppy kiss, you both moaning into the kiss as you both cum.

When you come back to your senses jaemin is still fucking his cock into you shallowly, still cumming. You whimper and push him off you and just as he moves to slip back into you, the door opens.

Fuck- this just got complicated really quick.

[psychoticallytrans]

Do you have any more tips for people without anger/rage issues to be good allies to people close to them ( in my case my bf)?

Communicate, communicate, communicate. You can and should initiate conversations about it. One of the big things that causes problems for people with anger issues is the "don't talk about it, deal with it on your own" attitude that pervades society and most treatment methods. Approach it from a perspective of how you can help him.

For instance, a great one is "Hey, would you like to set up a code for if you're getting worked up and need help leaving the situation?" It can be very helpful to have another person helping you to escape, say, a party or a conversation when the other person or people are being persistent.

A few sample codes might be "Do we need to get the chicken out of the freezer?" or "Is the plumber coming this afternoon?" Plausible but unusual events that give a built in excuse for leaving politely but in a bit of a hurry. One- word codes can also work, given a sufficiently unusual word, such as working the word "defenestrate" into a conversation. There are also silent codes, like squeezing your hand three times.

Another great way to start a conversation is "What makes you start getting worked up?" and then see if you can help him avoid that thing. Misophonia, or deep irritation from small sounds, is a common one that can be helped with earplugs or ear defenders. Some causes can't be reasonably avoided, such as not being able to always avoid people stealing your writing utensils, but you can avoid doing that yourself, making sure to ask first.

A lot of these causes are small irritations to most people, but cause problems because they have an outsize anger reaction. Notably, if he has PTSD/cPTSD, many of these causes will have overlap with triggers.

If he has strategies that he uses, make space for them. If he works out or works with a hobby to bleed it off, show him interesting things you come across relevant to those interests. If he likes the pencil trick, keep a stash of them around, and make it clear he's free to use them. If he doesn't have any strategies, talk to him about what he'd like to do when he's angry.

Be aware that if he asks you to leave when he's angry, it is not a threat and it is not a rejection, and you should leave and let him cool off. A lot of people are taught that their anger issues make them inherently dangerous, and though this is flawed, the time to combat this is not when someone is already angry. People who fear their anger get scared when they are angry, and cornering someone who is frightened makes people lash out unpredictably- reinforcing the fear of their anger and the idea that they are inherently dangerous.

Lastly, make sure to maintain your own reasonable boundaries, and that he has coping skills that don't require your help. If he needs something when he is angry, then he cannot always be depending on you to provide it, because you will not always be with him. If he needs some accommodation to avoid becoming angry, it has to be an accommodation that he can get when alone. You can help him, but becoming the only help he has creates a deeply unhealthy relationship for both of you.

[trashworldblog]

hey guys im gonna write about lore now because im a little drunk and i have Big Feelings and Ideas about the puppet show. LETS GOO!!

ok so some background: we know the substitute [the hologram professor] was defenestrated by ryan at the end of last season. we also know that defenestration doesnt ALWAYS mean that the person dies. (also can a hologram die? sources say probably not. i mean he can kick and bite but just because he can manipulate matter doesnt mean he can die per say. he can probably recharge.)

we ALSO know that the power box and victory algorithm are outside of watcher hq in the dumpster. this was revealed in 6x01 and DEFINITELY not a mistake. im like 95% sure this plays into what happens next.

so whats my theory???

i do think this season is gonna be pretty chill lore wise. i think after 4 and 5 we deserve this little victory lap and shane is gonna give it to us. im almost positive there wont be any post show lore bits (except for MAYBE the season finale) there might be more breadcrumbs along the way though! and i will be looking out for them

when we DO get into lore times, i think the most likely things to happen is something that threatens both the professor and beef boy or one of them. i think we explored alot of the internal struggles with their friendship and i think their friendship is solid and earned now. (and it feels repetitive to make them not be friends again). ive kinda been waiting for a team up, and im very excited for this to happen!!

so, my #1 theory is its probably gonna be the substitute coming back to get his revenge. probably with a little help to. top suspects are 1) genie, 2) the devil, 3) asmodeus? and 4) secret fourth thing (a character we dont know about yet) i am curious about what the substitute is gonna do with the victory algorithm. in the lore scene where hes watching the machine count, it really does seem to just be a machine that counts points like jokes and puns along with correct answers, and all it does is award a ticket for the winner. i dont see how that can be manipulated into being helpful for him.

we also gotta get those little puppets out of the wondreum arena!!! and the professor doesnt seem to know that they're stuck in there!!!! i think that is also gonna play a role at some point, but i can't quite place where it falls yet. maybe the substitute will mention it and the professor will be like ??? WHAT??? maybe that's first on the professor's priority list??? maybe they'll get them back before the substitute comes back? idk yet. but its definitely a factor and something to keep in mind. i remember the substitute saying that god said that they could send one representative to earth to figure the whole mess out anf they sent the substitute, im just curious how any puppet was supposed to do anything about that??? are they supposed to bring their now unanimated objects to the wondrium arena for the puppet souls to inhabit??? idk but im excited to see how this part gets resolved cus i wanna see the little guys get outta there.

[tagsecretsanta]

From @astranite

From @astranite to @scribbles97

Lots of family fluff and slice of life with Lucy, Jeff and the kids going on holidays.

*****

Lucy woke to a blaring alarm, pulled from a dream of her lab being evacuated because the characters from that kids show Torchy were invading. What had been the lab alert system in her dream resolved into the reality of Jeff’s obnoxious phone alarm ringing out across their bedroom. 

She buried her face into her pillow. It was far too early. 

She kicked Jeff under the blankets because he’d better turn that damn thing off before she decided to defenestrate it. 

There was rustling and a grunt of effort and then finally blissful silence. 

Just as she was slipping back off to dreamland, Jeff pulled her into a hug. Lucy reluctantly opened her eyes again to Jeff’s grinning face. Far too excited and awake for an AM time starting with five or less. 

She envied his ability to be awake as soon as he was, well, awake. It took her a good half hour and ample amounts of coffee to get even half that into gear. 

Lucy screwed up her face. Coffee was needed, now. Jeff pecked her on the nose, then across the freckles scattered over her cheeks. 

Maybe she could get up. Maybe. As she made to kiss her husband back, he pulled away, landing her kiss on his stubbly cheek instead of his mouth. 

“C’mon Luce, we’ve got a long drive ahead of us.” Jeff was far too cheery about the prospect. 

“Mmph.” 

“I’ll get the kids up and you can head straight to the coffee,” he negotiated. He knew her too well.

“Mm hmph.” It was a loving mm hmph. 

Jeff smiled fondly at her and she managed to drag herself out of bed at the prospect of caffeine. 

“Everyday’s a school day,” Lucy grumbled, as Jeff pulled a t-shirt over his head and she elected to stay in pyjamas for as long as she could get away with it. 

The challenges of getting five kids out of the house were not unfamiliar to them. They were faced frequently, chaotically, and not willingly on anyone’s part. 

Lucy shuffled downstairs for coffee, leaving Jeff to wrangle the hordes. She’d do her own share later. But first caffeine.

***

The sound of hands being clapped together rang out across the house. 

“Good morning! Time to get up!” Jeff called.

Jeff barged into Scott’s room as first port of call, tossing the curtains open and throwing light across walls coated with aeroplane posters and copious amounts of blue that Lucy would have fancy names for every shade. 

A pillow hit him with surprisingly good aim, given the teen was supposedly asleep. 

Jeff chucked it back, to the exclamation of, “Daaad!”

“Up you get, Scotty,” Jeff chuckled, “We’re burning daylight!”

Sure enough, his eldest was soon well awake, wide blue eyes blinking as Scott brushed unruly curls out of his face. 

Jeff tugged Scott into a hug, running a hand through his hair. No luck on neatening it up, much like his own.

Scott buried his face at Jeff’s shoulder for a moment, and stars his boy was getting tall wasn't he? 

“Whatcha want me to do?” Scott asked. 

Thank god, what would they do without Scott. 

“Can you get breakfast while I wake the others?”

“Better you than me. Virge has not had enough sleep,” Scott shot back. 

Jeff ruffled Scott’s hair, before Scott gave him a mock salute and headed off.

Now, onto his trickiest mission of the morning. 

John and Virgil’s shared room was at the quieter end of the hall. The middle child in particular was difficult to wake. 

Jeff tried the same clapping hands and throwing open the curtains trick as with Scott and got a very different response.

John and Bagel the cat hissed at him in unison from where they were curled up together. 

Virgil didn't stir. 

Jeff sat down on the side of Virgil’s bed, listening to the kid’s sweet sleepy snuffles, before finding Virgil’s shoulder through the green quilt, giving him a gentle shake. 

He got only a quiet grumble in response, so had to keep trying. 

“Time to get up kiddo, we gotta go.”

“Don’t wanna,” came a small voice from beneath the blankets. 

Jeff made gentle efforts to excavate Virgil from under the covers. Getting their middle child up always took an extra bit of patience. 

He found a pillow-creased cheek and still closed eyes hidden by a mess of dark hair, before Virgil tugged the quilt back, all while half asleep. 

“Come on Virgie. We’re going to grandma and grandpa’s farm today,” Jeff tried again, hoping to drum up some enthusiasm.

But nope, Virgil was already asleep again. At least John was slowly making his way awake and hadn’t just buried his nose in another book as soon as he was conscious, yet. He gave John a smile in silent greeting, glad of the small but affectionate one John returned. Jeff left him to it, knowing John would appreciate an extra bit of quiet time to get ready. 

Jeff fondly rolled his eyes where neither of his boys could see it. Virgil definitely didn't get his own morning person tendencies. 

This called for another approach. Jeff bundled Virgil into his arms, blankets and all. 

The most effective method for getting Virgil up was hugs. Jeff could spare a minute before he tackled the tinies, and still get the car packed for an early departure. Just a minute with his kid leaning on him, still warm and still small enough to mostly fit in his arms.

A few moments later and yep, he had brown eyes blinking up at him as Virgil latched on. Not letting go any time soon. 

Jeff could work with that. The kid was getting far too old to carry, and hadn’t that happened quickly, but what were the point of NASA’s stringent fitness standards for astronauts otherwise? 

Downstairs he deposited Virgil on a seat at the kitchen table next to Lucy, as she nursed her massive mug of coffee, the one with an obscure physics pun that even he didn't get on it. Mother and son, with their identical bedheads and expressions of displeasure at the early awakening were quite the pair. 

Jeff chanced to nick a sip from Lucy’s coffee mug, but was caught in her glare before he could. 

“Oh no you don’t, Jefferson Tracy! You have your own!” Lucy was definitely grinning beneath her mock frown. In all their years of marriage and many morning cups of coffee, he’d never managed to get hers once. He still tried it when he thought she wasn't looking for the laugh it gave them both when she inevitably spotted him. 

He laughed and picked up his own mug, sculling it in several gulps. Old habits died hard from when he could be called out on a mission at any moment. So did drinking it with enough sugar that Lee always complained it was going to melt his teeth, to cover the taste of the freeze dried, vacuum packed, instant dirt that NASA called ‘coffee’. 

John had followed him down, carrying Bagel, the ever present book tucked under his arm. Jeff placed a kiss on the top of John’s head when the kid wasn't feeling up to hugs quite yet. The cat was held out to him, and with the expression on John’s face clear, Jeff obediently placed a kiss between its ears, very glad his nose wasn't bitten off in the process. 

Bagel and John were inseparable, but it could be hit or miss with the rest of them. The total opposite of her kitten, Cheerio, who’d grown up to want to be in everybody’s space all of the time, and had on several occasions had to be removed from his office during holo calls to amused NASA higher ups. 

He threw a mock salute at Scott in appreciation as he put mounds of bread through the toaster, not telling the teen off for sitting on the counter top just this once, and nodded to John as he went for the plates, before going back up for the tinies. 

As soon as Jeff entered the room, Allie was trying to climb out of his cot to reach him, while Gordon remained asleep, starfished beneath mounds of marine themed stuffed animals. 

But not for long. Jeff had just enough time to pick the toddler up and respond to chattering about dreams of spaceships, when Gordon came barrelling into his legs.

“Morning, fish!” Jeff greeted.

He got a sunny, gap toothed smile in return. 

“Are we going swimming today?” Gordon asked, as he did every day. 

Jeff shook his head fondly. Gordon had attempted to pack his own bag to get ready yesterday, but it had been missing a few key items, such as pants, but it more than made up for it in several sets of swimmers for all the family, goggles, flippers, snorkels and every rubber duck and bath toy they owned. Gordon remained ever optimistic in the face of the explanations that Texas equals desert equals no water for swimming.

They were just in time for Scott hollering, “Breakfast!” up the stairs. Jeff held Allie’s hand when it became clear he wanted to attempt to get down on his own two feet, and called to Gordon not to run.

Jeff grinned at his family sat around the kitchen table. Being with them all was always his favourite place to be.

***

Coffee kicking in, Lucy was ready and raring to go. Five kids to get in the car, more bags than that as there had to be room for presents, and a dozen pieces of jammy toast currently being breakfasted upon. 

From the corner of her eye she caught movement. She lunged and caught the half eaten bit about to go flying from Allie’s hand right at Gordon. Handing it back to the jam-covered toddler, she turned back in time to stop Gordon from simulating a tsunami across the table with his cup of milk.

Virgil was happily chatting to Jeff about how he’d presented his last school project about fire engines, a big achievement for their shyest kid, on the other side of the table. John was sitting on the floor chewing on a bagel (the foodstuff), whilst holding an animated, if one sided discussion about theoretical physics with Bagel (the cat). She had wondered if he’d outgrow it, talking space to his stuffed toys like he was at an academic conference, but though now it was to the cats, their second teen never had and she suspected John did it now in part because it amused both him and her. Often quiet but talkative on subjects he cared about, John could be a paradox to people who didn’t take the time to figure him out. 

Lucy chipped in with a few points, then got up to check on Scott, who was going between all his little brothers and packing snacks for the trip at the same time. A gentle hand on his shoulder had him sitting down on Lucy’s vacated chair with a plate of toast in front of him to make sure he got a chance to eat without getting distracted by everyone else. She pressed a kiss to his forehead for good measure.

Then dashed upstairs to get dressed in the brief moment of time the little ones were occupied. Her stars and musical notes pyjamas were the most comfortable things she owned, but she supposed she should set an example of being dressed and prepared for adulting. And so she could convince Gordon to follow suit, when it still took significant amounts of persuading to get the kindergartener to dress himself willingly in anything that wasn’t swimmers. 

Lucy was a hurricane in human form. She whirled through the hall with a laundry basket of last things that hadn’t been dry in time for packing last night balanced on her hip. She narrowly missed colliding with Scott running after a jammy toast crumbs-covered Allie with a wet wash cloth, both brothers laughing their heads off. 

The presents were wrapped, a task set upon well after midnight last night by her and Jeff with all the fevour of last minute checks for a space craft launch. All the kids bags were done, checked that essentials such as enough underwear had been remembered, zipped up and stacked in the hall. Unfortunately, between all that, she and Jeff’s were not. 

Her’s was half exactingly, efficiently and scientifically organised, before the rest was jammed in and she’d had to sit on the suitcase to close it. While getting everyone else in military order, Jeff’s packing of his own clothes was… haphazard. Lucy had remarking jokingly that he, “Might’ve gotten to Mars and forgot your space suit,” when Jeff’s eyes had widened and she got to hear first hand the story of how the great astronauts Jeff Tracy and Lee Taylor nearly had got to the ship before realising both had distractedly put their helmets down whilst giving out final orders. Jeff told it laughing, as he followed suit with her good-enough approach to packing, because this was why they had a team and had so many people checking absolutely everything before a launch because it was too much for a single person. And their awkward jog back in bulky pressure suits was objectively hilarious, and she was totally going to dig out that footage. 

Then she was off again as Jeff took the bags down, items on her mental to-do list constantly being ticked off, added and shuffled about.

Neighbours were minding the animals and watering the plants. Windows were shut in case it rained. 

A detour to the art room was made to help Virgil locate the travel set of watercolours he wanted to bring, her picking up her own sketchbook on the way. Virgil was being very helpful in making sure they were all fully prepared for any eventuality, running around with items such as a head torch, duct tape, bandaids, the multitool he’d received this year for his birthday from Grandpa Grant, and an extra hoodie for Scott because he’d give his to any brother who said they were cold. She gently stopped him when he tried to lug the heavy tool box from the shed and a coil of rope from the camping gear.

He’d gotten that from her. Lucy liked to be prepared, thinking of scenarios in advance and what they could need, whereas Jeff preferred to fly light and improvise as situations arose. Both had their merits and it fascinated her to see which her kids picked up from them.

Then onto the game of 3-D tetris that was packing the car. She and Jeff worked as a well oiled machine to fit everything in with room for them too. 

Gordon was caught attempting to smuggle his entire marine menagerie of stuffed animals into the back, because of the tail of a very large whale shark sticking out from behind the far smaller Gordy. Several were returned, then a number more as they were discovered shoved out of sight beneath the seats. Squiddy the Squid and some smaller friends remained, and Gordon was cheered up by imagining the antics the toys left behind would get up to while they were away. 

When he attempted to pick up John’s bright orange bag, Jeff staggered, swore and nearly dropped it. 

John was called out and asked exactly how many telescopes he had packed this time.

“There are no telescopes in my suitcase,” John answered with the exact wording of someone who would find the loopholes in any set of rules if they were to be had. 

Lucy coughed pointedly at the suspiciously cylinder-shaped lump inside the extra duffel bag in John’s arms, ignoring the fact she had packed a similar bag.

Jeff sighed long sufferingly as if he hadn’t been bitten by the space bug too, and waved John ahead to situate it carefully in the car, muttering, “Like mother, like son.”

John and Lucy shared identical grins.

“So the other’s all books then?” Jeff looked impressed at how the orange bag acted like it had the density of a neutron star.

“No, I filled it with rocks,” John deadpanned, then cracked a smile, “Many, many oddly book-shaped bricks.”

Negotiations were made to leave an amount of thick volumes at home, leaving only several novels, the current astronomy textbook John was making his way through and a math book in case Scott wanted it. Another astrophysics book was snuck back into the pile with a wink from Lucy.

And they were done. Lucy slammed the car boot door with a thud, and wiped a hand across her sweaty forehead. All luggage in the car, last final bathroom stops were had and the kids piled in.

She and Jeff made their usual negotiation that he could drive provided he remembered their vehicle was car not a multi-million dollar NASA test project of a go fast rocket ship. 

“Keys, Luce?” Jeff called.

Lucy patted down her pockets except she didn’t have them either. Surely the couldn’t have lost them again with the neon pink rocket ship key chain attached after finding them the last time to prevent this.

The suspense built of the utter mystery as everyone racked their brains for where they’d seen them last.

Until they both spied Scott, out of the car and leaning against the drivers side door, swinging the keys around his finger.  

“So, can I drive?” Scott asked, as if he didn’t already know the answer to that question. 

“No!” came the parental chorus. 

She caught Jeff’s eye and struggled not to burst out laughing as the other kids repeated them, picking up on it slightly behind. 

“Aw,” Scott protested, “But Grandma lets me drive on the ranch.”

“Unfortunately you’re not old enough, and law enforcement prefers to stick to boring rules like licences and speed limits on their roads,” Jeff chipped in, “Sorry kiddo.” 

“And it’s the farm, and that ute shows it even when there’s not much out there to hit anyway, I know.” Scott pouted. “But I’m allowed to fly planes!”

Lucy added, “Soon you’ll be tearing up the tarmac too, with all that bonus practice.” 

Scott often railed against injustices, which as a teenage could be many, but he was always first to make sure everyone was getting a fair go.

“Yeah and you’d better watch out!” Scott grinned.

He tossed the keys in the air, then caught them a couple more times, until Lucy had to raise a mock-stern eyebrow to prompt him to place them in her waiting hand.

She chucked them to Jeff with faith he could catch, before tugging Scott into a hug. He leaned into her, the same way he had since he was small. 

They pulled out of the driveway to cheers all round. 

Then a small voice wailed from Allie’s seat, “I forgot my blanket!”

The car was turned around. Lucy jumped out, grabbed the keys, unlocked the door, found the knitted patched-together blue blanket screwed up at the bottom of the cot, reversed the whole process, and handed it back to Allie. The big, wet blue eyes peering out as the blanket was hugged, Allie’s face morphing into a wider grin, reminded her of a far littler Scott, when the blanket was his before it was passed down through all the brothers finally to the youngest.

Back in the car, mission accomplished and blanket retrieved, they tried again.

“Ground control, do we have permission to launch?” Jeff asked, with a twinkle in his eye and because he was also a nerd.

Lucy grinned. “Permission granted, begin countdown.”

“Five,” Jeff began.

“Four,” The kids joined in.

“Three,” With Lucy, it was all of their voices.

“Two.”

“One.”

“Tracies Are Go!!!”

[pixelatedquarter]

and another thing from this interview is them talking about the process of making the We Didn't Start The Fire 2.0 and there being so many versions of the lyrics and you can see Pete's life flash behind his eyes twice

Once is recalling the arguments as they changed what was added and what was left out, think about the cartoon comedy show that is fall out boy in your brain instead of the very real actual people and tell me if it wouldnt be funny to consider the arguments over what movie reference to include getting heated to the point of "we don't sort our differences through violence anymore but if FUTCT Patrick got you now he would charge like a bull and defenestrate you"

The other time was when the interviewer suggested them playing it live, and they both agreed it would be a nightmare bc of the lyrics. Pete and us know that it would mean getting a whole new version every night covering a different set of events and tbh I'd love it, and it would silence any questions of "why wasn't x added" bc Patrick vs. The Lyrics would make sure to do a completely different We Didn't Start The Fire every night.

Sidenote: A new mental image has struck and it's Pete coming up to Patrick to show him the first version of the we didn't start the fire lyrics preselection and it's one of those comically long scrolls that just keeps on rolling through the floor while Patrick looks at him with the single eyebrow raised he had when Pete was deciding between saying gatorade or piss

[edward-hydes-letters]

*As the letter is opened, a little rubber duck with a top hat resembling Hyde's falls out. It also has a mischievous little face painted on.*

Dear Mister Hyde, I hope this letter finds you well. In its contents, I have included a friendly gift for you. My question is about the following matter: What do you think about defenestration? You see, I am trying to prove that humans can fly, unfortunately I've run out of volunteers... Just to piss me off none of the little buggers took flight. Which is why I am asking you, let me know if you'd like to see the skies up close and personal.

- With care, Leggy Leggington

Everyone else go home, this is the best thing any of you omniscients have ever sent me!

And I would love to take you up on that offer, Leggy-

(The chicken scratch gets replaced with cursive writing, with some ink spills on the page…)

Thank you for the offer, Mx. Leggington, but unfortunately Hyde has already tried to take flight in several instances, and has failed.

We wish you the best of luck in your… endeavors,

-Dr. Henry Jekyll

(The scratchy note of “You ruin all the fun, Jekyll-” is crossed out…)

[lotus-pear]

GOD I LOVE KNKDZ SM I wanna hold them and treasure them like literally they could be so precious they have so much potential and ik we have to wait a few more months but I'm sooo fuckin excited to see if they have a reunion if they don't I'll probs cry from stress or smth like even if someone doesn't ship it they're partners istg they are soo important and I hope we can see more of them in action cuz kunikida has been crying (canon) from stress and trying to bring shit together, like he was really working on gathering the members together again and like poor bby I feel so bad he needs a warm hug, also I feel like getting your hands cut off and your ideals crumbling in front of you was traumatic like he's ok now physically but I feel so bad and dazai is being fucking shot and falling of an elevator while defeating fyodor and walking it all of like ??? I need a sick fic with knkdz and the ada in general he deserves that and I hope so fucking sooo FUCKING much that they get a fuckin reunion like this is all I can talk and think abt now I keep repeating myself, I hope atsushi, dazai and kunikida get one bc I miss their trio so idk what is happening now that s5 is over and the Manga is catching up in a few months bc we saw that they're fighting again like oh fuck ngl I hope dazai gets hurt more so more sickfics or maybe Canon sickfics like in it actually fucking happens in the series but whatever in the end I want the ada to be safe again and destress a little bc oh my god this was their biggest fucking mission in their life and its been going on practically since the guild but whatever I have so so so so so so high hopes for the future and the rise of knkdz (I also ship skk but knkdz is my no. 1 and need way more of them) I hope knkdz will rise and conquer we have to get our fucking game up us knkdz advocates we have a DUTY anyways love ya ur so hot for that knkdz vs skk rant its fucking unfair pls pls pls pls post more knkdz I'm going feral its my last will to live I will kms if the Manga doesn't have them I will defenestrate asagiri I will find him trust me I fucking will anyways anywho anyfuckingway thank you for being a part of the knkdz cult we can soo win we just have to wait for asagiri and like OMG I just had SUCH a dopamine rush like I practically almost jumped bc IM SO EXCITED to see them YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH PLS PLS PLS ASAGIRI PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME I CAN HEAR THEM I CANNN HEAAAAAR THEM PLS PLS PLS DONT PUNISH ME I WANT MORE KNKDZ I WILL FUCKING COMBUST anyways ur so cool and ur art is fuckin awesome have a great day and new year hopefully full with happiness, success, change, and kunikidazai

REAL OMFG‼️‼️ bitches forget that kunikida has been partnered with dazai for two entire years, only one less year than dazai’s partnership w chuuya (before ur like noooo it was seven!!!!! that doesn’t count. chuuya and dazai met at fifteen and didn’t even get partnered that year. it was only during the events of stormbringer when mori realized the only counter to chuuyas corruption was dazai’s ability and he made them go on missions together like they did during the arahabaki incident and they became known as double black. dazai left the mafia when he was eighteen due to oda’s death)

anyway knkdz have also had to trust each other with their lives time and time again and kunikida values this trust more than anything, always relying on dazai even if dazai pisses him the fuck off. dazai says himself that the ada is home to him when talking abt it to sigma, AND WHAT IS HOME BUT A PLACE FILLED WITH HAPPINESS AND THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE DEARLY AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT

[kinitstuffblr]

I can't tell you guys how important it is that I tricked my partner into watching an episode of puppet history one morning.

It was 100% deception. I was rewatching old episodes while I worked and he wandered out, unable to sleep in on his weekend, and asked what I was watching.

Immediately, I hatched not a beefy little puppet, but a cunning plan.

"It's a history show" I said casually. "My ghost boys do it. It's actually really interesting and there's trivia questions."

Ever the sucker for both history (especially funny or weird history) and trivia, he started to watch the screen - apprehensively, you know, because of the puppetry. But I knew in that moment I had him.

And I knew, I couldn't risk the spoilers.

"I can start it over" I offered, backing out of the ep I was on and going all the way back to the top of the Puppet History playlist. Since the early eps weren't too obvious with the lore, I put it on as a 'background noise' show - knowing he'd drift in for the trivia and would eventually start noticing the weird shit happening behind the scenes.

Eventually he started noticing the genie thing, and would roll his eyes. "What's with the genie stuff??" He'd eventually ask me. I'd shrug and act like I didn't know at first, but then eventually I'd be like 'keep an eye out for genie easter eggs I guess and maybe there's something to figure out'. He came to accept the genie lore, and by the time the episode promising no more genie lore came, he was begrudgingly invested in it - but already fully accepting of the professor as a part of our weekly show rituals. He had favorite songs (which he insists are the part of the show he can do without; at least that's what he says, but he enjoyed that Beatles one and the Randy Newman one a little too much.) We watch a handful of episodes every weekend, so the pacing has been perfect.

Then the funeral happened. No history. No trivia. Max skepticism about the professor's death the entire time - and yet he watched the entire thing, rapt and silent.

Guys, we're on the new season now. The one where the professor is inexplicably back. He's trying to figure it out guys. He's decided after the defenestration episode that the professor is actually either Mephistopheles or just The Devil in general and thinks Ryan made a deal with him so he could finally win every game -- guys, the point is, when the history and the trivia are gone, he is glued to the TV like nothing else as we get the snippets of hints about what's happening, and I know I have him snared, and I know he's going to cry at the finale and we all know that's the ultimate goal of all this, and I'm so proud that he knows the professor ain't right (originally he asked what I think a lot of us probably thought which was 'did he get reborn and then live all that time until present day?') I'm so excited he's going to love it y'all

[aitu]

I may need to percolate (ha) a little more on this but I feel like even if you don't subscribe to the coffee theory there's something to be said about the way the Metatron gives Aziraphale the coffee. Because we see characters offer one another drinks several times throughout Season 2, but the Metatron is the only one who insists the other character drink it.

In episode 1, Aziraphale, in an act of kindness despite his reservations, gives cocoa to the amnesiac Gabriel, who needs nothing more than the instruction, "You drink it," to start enjoying it; this kindness is mirrored later when Crowley offers Jim cocoa after almost making him fucking defenestrate himself. In 2500 BC, when Crowley offers Aziraphale wine to help him get through the tornado and Aziraphale says no, Crowley shifts gears to food. When Maggie declines Nina's offer of wine during the lock-in, Nina is like whatever, I'm gonna drink anyway. When Aziraphale gives tea to Muriel, he explains that it's for drinking like he did for Gabriel, he doesn't push the matter when Muriel says they'd rather just look at the tea. And when Gabriel brings drinks to Beelzebub at the Resurrectionist, not only is he not bothered when they decline to drink, but he's relieved he doesn't have to drink either!

But where all these drinks are offered more or less in kindness, the Metatron only seems to be simulating kindness when he brings Aziraphale the coffee. It doesn't reach his eyes, as it were. And when Aziraphale shows hesitation to drink it (twice!), the Metatron is...kind of bitchy about it?? "Are you going to take it?" "Shall I--" "Drink it?" Like he's really insistent about Aziraphale taking the drink he's offered, when no other character behaved that way throughout the show. And if you subscribe to coffee theory you might think this is because he really wants Aziraphale to drink the brain-hurting juice, but honestly I think it's just a straight-up power play. Like you can tell that Aziraphale is flattered that the Voice of God of all people brought him a coffee, but he's also visibly uncomfortable about the idea of drinking itin front of the Metatron. But rather than give Aziraphale the space to process the coffee and whether he actually wants it (really, he is more of a tea or cocoa person), the Metatron uses his perceived authority over Aziraphale to make him do what he wants. Making someone drink a coffee they didn't ask for is a relatively tiny thing, but it establishes a dynamic. If you can pressure someone to drink a coffee, you can prime their brain to be pressured into doing other things. Who needs brainwashing when you can just use unequal power dynamics to manipulate people into bending to your will?

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

A Tale of Stolen Hearts: Chapter III - Start of the Journey

Chapter Summary: Can you and Kirigan get along for even one minute?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Ivan/Fedyor Kaminsky

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky, Fedyor Kaminsky, Ivan, David Kostyk

Word Count: 3455

A/N: Inspired by prompts: https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089550820/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533325/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089571726/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089571710/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533236/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533228/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533230/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089571734/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089550837/

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

You are packing the rest of your things, while reading through the documents you stole at the same time. Kirigan, Zoya, Ivan and Fedyor are in your apartment, watching you. Anastasia left you on your way to your place.

'Do you have to pack and check those documents at the same time?' Zoya finally asks. 'Please, do one thing at once. My head is starting to spin.'

'The only time I'm not multitasking is when I'm sleeping,' you say and pause. 'But considering how many bruises I wake up with, I probably multitask then, too.'

You pack your pants with one hand and hold another document with the other. After brief scanning you decide it's not the one you need, so you put it aside and grab another one.

'You could let one of us read those documents,' Fedyor says.

'I waited for you to start scanning them,' you say, rolling your eyes. 'But you all were… and still are… just standing and watching me. Honestly, I don't know why do you think I'm going to bolt. I need your help, too, remember?'

'Why are you even looking at those?' Ivan asks. 'After what your cousin did, no one will dare to try to kill you.'

'No one from the assassins' guild, but someone independent may take it,' you say. 'Besides, I would still like to know who wants me dead and actually tried to make it real.'

You shut your suitcase close and look at the pile of documents. Still a good stack of papers. You gather it and put it in your bag.

'Right, these I will read on our way,' you say and turn to Kirigan. 'When do we leave?'

'At once,' General answers and moves away from the table he was leaning on. He walks toward you.

'How are we going to travel?' you ask.

'Horses, our luggage in the carriage,' Kirigan answers and smirks. 'I trust you know how to ride a horse?'

'I can manage,' you answer, trying not to grit your teeth.

'I don't suppose you have one?' Kirigan asks. Oh, Saints, give you patience…

'I'm sure my sister can spare me one, since she's the one who's throwing me into this mess,' you answer.

'How were you going to travel before it was decided we're going together?' Fedyor asks, interested.

'A friend was supposed to get me a ride,' you answer. You grab suitcase with one hand and your bag with other.

'Let's go before I decide to throw General Kirigan out of the window,' you say. Kirigan chuckles quietly.

'I would like to see you try,' he says. You look at him.

'Don't challenge me,' you say.

'Oh, no, I really want to see you try throwing me out of the window and failing miserably,' Kirigan says, crossing his arms.

'How are you so sure I won't actually defenestrate you?' you ask.

'Oh, someone knows big words,' Kirigan says. 'Well done, thief.'

'I told you, I'm not a thief. Also, don't patronise me. Or I will throw you out of that window.'

'You don't have it in you.'

'Want to find out?'

'You're not capable of killing a man. In fact… I'm sure you never did it.'

'Oh, really?'

'Yes. When you were ambushed, not once of your attacks was lethal. I checked. And back in the sewers your cousin suggested she and I could kill everyone and just grab what we need. She and me. She didn't say we all could. Because you can't bring yourself to kill someone.'

You stare at him in silence. He looks at you smugly.

'I don't see how me not wanting to be a murderer is a bad thing,' you say coldly and leave your apartment. Kirigan follows you out after a moment. The remaining three stands still in silence.

'Is it… is it going to be like that the whole way to Fjerda?' Ivan finally asks.

'I'm afraid so,' Fedyor sighs.

'I think I am actually going to defenestrate someone,' Zoya says and storms out of the apartment. Ivan and Fedyor exchange a look and follow her.

Once you all are outside you head to your sister's bar. Well, one of them. You walk inside and ask for your sister. Elizabeth walks out of the back after a moment.

'[Y/N], how sweet of you to come to bid me goodbye,' she says, smiling.

'I need a horse,' you squash her hopes. 'Since you got me into going with General Kirigan and his Grisha, you give me one.'

'So demanding,' Elizabeth chuckles and you glare at her. 'Alright, alright. But first come here.'

Despite your protests she hugs you tightly. You sigh and resign yourself to it, even hug her back.

'Be careful,' she whispers into your ear and pulls away. She smiles at you and turns to one of her guards. She whispers something into his ear and he nods. He goes to the back entrance. Your sister turns to you.

'Your horse will be ready in a moment,' she says and smiles at Kirigan. 'General, I hope you will succeed. And that you will visit us again.'

'Certainly,' Kirigan promises with a small smile and a slight bow. You turn on your heal and march out of the bar. A second later a white horse is brought up to you. You pat the horse with a gentle touch.

'Hey, Hector,' you greet him. 'It's good to see you.'

'Let's go,' Kirigan says, passing you without a glance. You glare at his back. But he turns and notices it. He raises his eyebrows.

'Why are you glaring at me?' he asks.

'I'm hoping you'll spontaneously combust,' you growl and walk toward the hotel, where you are to meet with the rest of the Grisha. Kirigan scoffs, amused, and follows suit.

'This is going to be…' Fedyor says slowly.

'A torture,' Ivan finishes grimly.

'If that's how it's going to go on between them, they're either going to kill each other…' Zoya sighs.

'Or marry each other,' Fedyor finishes and smiles. 'I personally hope for option number two. It would be so funny.'

His friends snort and go to the hotel. Fedyor shrugs and follows them.

*

You are on your way. You're heading to your first stop, Grevyakin. You're probably going to mostly set camps, but you are going to stay in a few cities. Grevyakin is going to be the first of them.

You try to make friends with a few Grisha. You're going to be stuck with each other for some time, it would be terrible to be enemies with them. Some, ignore you or are bluntly rude to you. But there are some who are polite, friendly even.

Of course, General Kirigan is not at all friendly. You continue to banter and argue with each other. You're not aware that others already make bets about who will kill who first.

'Why do you hate each other so much?' Fedyor asks you one day. 'You and General?'

'I'm not sure we hate each other,' you answer, thinking. 'Maybe it's… it's… Alright, I think it is hate.'

You sigh heavily. Fedyor stops himself from smiling.

'He's just… so full of himself,' you say. 'Like: "Look at me! I'm the Shadow Summoner, General of the Second Army! Fear me! I'm so better than you!". Honestly.'

You roll your eyes. Fedyor laughs. Other Grisha, including Zoya, Ivan and even General, shoot him curious looks.

'You actually got him quite well,' Fedyor says. You look at Kirigan and smirk.

'I know I did,' you say. Kirigan can't hear what you're saying, he's too far, but he still doesn't like your smirk. He narrows his eyes at you. He slows down to ride by your side.

'What are you plotting this time?' he asks. 'Another disastrous plan?'

Your mood sours. You glare at him.

'I beg your pardon?' you ask. 'Did we make it out? Yes. So, I don't know why you think it was a disaster.'

'For one, you left me in the sewers,' Kirigan says. 'You were discovered in the office.'

'How were you discovered?' Fedoyr interrupted General. 'That's something we still haven't figured out.'

'Yeah, I'm wondering about that, too…' you say. Kirigan clears his throat, annoyed.

'Instead of going back the way we came, we walked out the front door,' he continues. 'After your charming cousin killed some assassins. Which we were supposed to leave alive. Are you going to ask again why I think it was a disaster?'

'Hey, I still think it went pretty good,' you argue. 'I mean, we spent, what, ten minutes on planning and then went there right away? It's a miracle nothing blew up in our faces. Literally.'

'She's got a point,' Ivan admits. Kirigan sighs and murmurs something under his breath.

'What was that?' you ask. General shoots you a glare. He spurs his horse and rides away. You stare after him for a moment, then follow him.

'Why do you hate me?' you ask. 'Because I stole from you?'

Kirigan doesn't answer at once. He glances at you, then looks at others. They all pretend they're not eavesdropping.

'You're human,' Kirigan finally says. 'And a thief on top of that.'

'And here I thought General will be more tolerant,' you scoff. Kirigan snorts.

'That's how the world is,' he says. 'Human and Grisha. Soldier and thief. We're bound to hate each other.'

'Says who?' you ask, frowning. Kirigan smiles patronisingly. You really wish you could wipe that smile off his face.

'The world,' he says. 'Everyone will tell you this. You may try to blend in among people you don't belong with, but they will never accept you.'

You know what he means by that. Grisha may be kind to you, but they don't think you're one of them. Part of the group. You know that's what he wants and you hate to give it to him, but it hurts.

'So, you don't believe in equality?' you ask. Kirigan chuckles.

'Don't be so naïve,' he says. 'Why people should believe in it? The world wasn't created equal.'

You stare at him for a moment in silence. He starts to think you've given up.

'Yes, it was,' you finally say quietly. 'Then someone decided they were better.'

You spur your horse and ride away. Kirigan follows you with his gaze. He watches as you start riding next to Zoya, who's very not happy about it. Ivan and Fedyor quietly join him.

'She gets on your nerves, General,' Fedyor points out.

'Doesn't she on yours?' Kirigan asks.

'A little,' Ivan answers.

'I even like her,' Fedyor says. Ivan and Kirigan look at him as if he was mad. He blinks at them.

'What?' he asks. 'She brings much needed humour to our group. Ivan, don't deny you're warming up to her.'

Ivan just murmurs something under his breath. Fedyor grins. Kirigan scoffs and looks at you.

'Keep an eye on her,' he orders.

'You're not trusting her, General?' Fedyor asks.

'She doesn't want to be here, at least not with us,' Kirigan says. 'Of course, I don't trust her- How can she do that?'

He watches, annoyed, as you take out documents from your bag and start reading them. While riding a horse.

'I do admire her multitasking skills,' Ivan admits. They watch you scanning through documents. Suddenly, you freeze.

'I found it!' you declare triumphantly, raising your hand with a piece of paper high in the air. Zoya leans toward you and you both read the document. The Squaller pulls away after a moment. She glances at Kirigan, her face troubled.

'What is it?' he asks and rides to join you two. Ivan and Fedyor follow him.

'It says that some Duke of Grevykin ordered to kill me,' you say and frown. 'How was that city we're going to stay in called?'

'Grevykin,' Ivan answers grimly. You freeze.

'Well… it does not look good for me,' you say and gulp. 'Not at all.'

*

You finally reach Grevykin. You stay at the hotel. It's nicer than the one in Caryeva, but it's nothing fancy. After refreshing you all sit in the parlour to discuss the situation. However, you still are waiting for General Kirigan. But at last, he arrives with an envelope with his hand.

'The duke already knows we're here,' he informs you, sitting down. 'He invites us to a party that is going to have place tomorrow evening.'

'I heard his parties are legendary,' Zoya says and looks at you. 'Too bad the party's hosted by people who want you dead. I heard they'll have a chocolate fountain.'

'Don't tempt me,' you murmur.

'Fountain or not, we're not going anyway,' Ivan says. 'We have to get to Fjerda as soon as possible.'

'We could use a day of rest,' Kirigan says, deep in thought, surprising everyone. You look at him closely.

'But [Y/N] can't go if they want her dead,' a Durast, David says. 'Is she supposed to just stay on her own in here?'

You smile gratefully at him. He's been kind to you since day one. Still, you wonder about Kirigan's expression.

'I find it suspicious the party just happens to take place while we're here,' you say. Kirigan nods thoughtfully, letting you know he wonders about it as well.

'It's a trap, isn't it?' Zoya asks. 'Why?'

'Well, they want [Y/N] dead,' Kirigan says. 'Maybe they want to lure her in. Still, I think we can use it to our advantage. We can find out why they want you dead.'

'Since when do you care?' you ask, raising your eyebrows.

'You told us they want you dead because of our… cooperation,' Kirigan explains. 'We have to find out what's their business in it.'

'How?' someone asks.

'I have… an idea,' Fedyor says slowly.

'I'm not going to like it, am I?' Ivan asks grimly. Fedyor looks at you.

'What if we let them catch you,' he suggests, surprising everyone, even Kirigan. 'And while they're busy, the rest of us will look for information. Then, we'll free you and stop their evil plans.'

Silence fills the room. Ivan closes his eyes and pinches his nose.

'That is a terrible, horrible, incredibly foolish idea,' you say and grin. 'Let's do it and see what happens.'

Now Kirigan closes his eyes. Fedyor, on the other hand, beams at you.

'It's dangerous,' Ivan says.

'Hey, worst case scenario we lose [Y/N],' Zoya says, clearly not sad about that idea.

'We still need her,' Kirigan reminds her, causing her to sigh. 'As much as I hate this… Fedyor actually has a plan that can work. But that brings one problem…'

'What now?' you ask, frowning. Kirigan looks at you.

'I'm pretty sure you've never been on such party,' he says and smirks slightly. 'At least not as a guest.'

'I've never had the need to familiarise myself with pompous idiots, thank Saints,' you say flatly.

'Still, that means you have no idea how to behave at such party,' Kirigan says. 'How to blend in. Don't worry, we'll help you.'

And thus starts a long and agonizingly boring lecture about how to eat, with what eat, how to talk, how not to talk, how to smile, etc. It. Is. A. Torture. Soon, you zone out.

'Are you even listening?' Kirigan asks at some point, annoyed, seeing your blank stare.

'Yes, it just takes me a while to process so much stupid all at once,' you answer. Fedyor snorts and quickly masks it with coughing.

'I think we should stop here,' Zoya sighs. 'It's late and it's not going good. We have all day tomorrow to prepare for the party.'

'I don't see it going well,' Ivan says.

'Don't worry,' you calm him down, patting his hand to his horror. 'I'm good at improvising if it comes to worst.'

'Saints help us,' Zoya says grimly. You all stand up and go to your rooms. You fall asleep almost immediately. You're tired and you need rest for what's to come tomorrow.

Next day Zoya grabs you immediately after breakfast and tortures you with etiquette lessons. To her relief, you do know something about dancing.

'My sister insisted I attended lessons with her,' you explain to Grisha who are present and surprised at your skills.

'Your sister sounds very commanding,' Fedyor comments. 'Let me guess. She was born first, three minutes before you?'

'Actually, I'm older by five minutes,' you answer. Everyone looks at you in shock. They were sure Elizabeth is the older twin.

'Then why…' Ivan starts but stops himself after a glare from Fedyor.

'Why is she so commanding towards me?' you ask and chuckle dryly. 'That's Elizabeth to you. She's always been so bossy. Now, how about someone shows me how to use those forks again?'

In the afternoon another problem rises. David has read an invitation and hurries to tell everyone what's wrong.

'It says here that all Grisha from the Second Army accompanying General are invited,' he says, troubled.

'So? you ask. 'It's not like they know I'm not.'

'They want us to wear our keftas,' Zoya guesses and sighs. 'And we have no way of getting you one in such short notice.'

'Great,' you huff. 'So, how am I supposed to get past the guards?'

'It'll be easy,' Fedyor says. 'You just have to seduce them.'

You stare at him, horrified. You lean forward in your chair violently, hand on your chest.

'You're kidding, right?' you ask. 'I'm about as seductive as a cabbage!'

'I think you're giving yourself too much credit,' Kirigan says. You freeze. Slowly, you turn your head to look at him. Others wait with fear and anticipation.

'Go fuck yourself,' you spat to Kirigan, seething. General raises his eyebrow.

'Right now, or can I get some privacy first?' he asks. You freeze again.

'I did say "go", didn't I?' you ask coldly. And this is how you two begin arguing and bantering again. Others exchange a look.

'I have an idea,' Ivan says loudly, stopping you and Kirigan. Everyone looks at him with interest.

'[Y/N] will go as plus-one,' Ivan says.

'I doubt they'll allow plus-ones,' Zoya says. Ivan smirks.

'They wouldn't dare say no to General's wife,' he says. Silence falls.

'No way,' Kirigan protests.

'Absolutely not!' you protest at the same time vehemently. Kirigan freezes. He relaxes in his chair and nods.

'Very well,' he says. You whirl to him, surprised. You point your finger at him.

'You just refused!' you say. 'Why do you suddenly agree?'

'Because it's actually not a bad idea,' Kirigan answers, shrugging. You narrow your eyes at him.

'You just want to annoy me,' you say.

'That is a pleasant bonus,' Kirigan admits, smirking. You shake from anger. Kirigan stands up. He walks to you and leans toward you. Your eyes meet. Yours are full of anger, his cold and calculated and with a hunt of amusement.

'Like it or not, you're going to pretend to be my wife,' he says, his voice low. 'So, you better act accordingly, so not to bring me shame.'

'And now I just want to act my worst, just so I could humiliate you,' you say, glaring at him.

'Okay, if that's to work, you two have to act like a loving couple,' Fedyor cuts in. 'We have to sell it for enough time for our plan to work. So, practice flirting with each other.'

'I'm sorry… what?' you ask, looking with confusion at Fedyor.

'Flirt with General as if he's your loving husband,' Ivan says. You look at him with horror. You make a face as if you were about to puke. Kirigan sighs.

'Very well,' he says and turns to you with. '[Y/N], your face is adorable… and I bet the rest of you is, too.'

Zoya hides her face in her palm. Ivan and Fedyor try not to laugh. You blink.

'Thank… you?' you say unsurely. There's a glint in General's eyes as he notices something.

'Are you… blushing?' he asks.

'What, no,' you deny quickly. Kirigan grins widely, delighted.

'Did I get the hardcore, total badass [Y/N] [L/N] to blush?' he asks.

'No… It's… It's the cold,' you say, clearing your throat.

'Huh. It's the cold,' Kirigan says and smirks. 'And not that I told you: "your face is adorable and I bet the rest of you is, too"?

'N-no,' you deny, your voice cracking, blushing harder. Kirigan chuckles, amused. You glare at him. And you start bantering with him again.

'I think we don't have to worry about them not selling this,' David says to other Grisha.

'Yeah, they could fool me they're married,' Ivan admits.

'They definitely argue like they are,' Zoya says grimly.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47256868/chapters/119325961