#WHERES BRUCE??

[ljlokijinx]

!Highschool era !nonpowered 17 year old Avengers as friends. They host a party at some point when Tony's parents are away. Howard doesn't approve of Tony's friendgroup. Sam is the designated driver for the night.

The next morning the Avengers are woken up by 14 yo Peter Parker - Natasha's and Yelena's younger brother who taged along so he can get blackmail on them. Oh boy he got a lot.

Peter: Wake up motherfuckers, it's currently 9 AM and we have an hour until the Starks get here. We've got to clean the place and shit. Y'all have five minutes to get your asses up and leave otherwise you'll leave by the windows. The defenestration will start with Bucky.

Bucky: Why me, Sam was the driver who got drunk?

Peter: James Bucky Barnes I am not an idiot, I saw you spike a drink and minutes later Sam was drunk. You're down to three minutes :)

Tony: How about we purposely stay here so Bucky get what he deserves?

Peter: You're next to be defenestrated so I wouldn't try it. Next is Nat because she tried to gaslight me into driving you home.

Natasha: How are you not hungover?

Peter: I'm fourteen, no where near legal drinking age.

Sam: Don't try with that you little shit, I saw you outdrink Thor, Steve, Yelena AND Tony. Separate times. You drank at least two whole bottles of vodka.

Natasha: Peter?!

Peter: I'm friends with Harley Keener, what did you expect.

Yelena: the fuck.

[redsray]

the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?

Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??

Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.

Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.

Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Somebody rescue Tim. He's seen too much.

You do NOT have permission to repost my art.

Meme reference under cut:

[roppiepop]

Who’s coming to the cookout?

[frownyalfred]

I need a John Wick scenario where some goon beats the shit out of one of the batkids but doesn’t realize which hero they belong to. Cut to them getting home like “yeah I fucked up that little red bird guy!” and all the other goons look at him like “you mean…Red Robin?”

“Yeah that guy. Wait, why are you all getting up—”

Everyone knows the robins are off limits from serious beat downs. Batman will come for blood, and he’s downright superhuman when it’s about one of his kids.

[tedhead]

the gender performance of dolly parton and bruce springsteen (sources: x x)

[holy-minseok]

We need mean!reader, angry!reader, misunderstood!reader, creepy!reader, gross!reader, toxic!reader, nonforgiving!reader, selfish!reader, narcissistic!reader, dark!reader, FEDUP!reader. That bitch is way too nice, passive, and sensible. ✋🏾😂

[arrowheadedbitch]

Steph: Who was the best kid? Like, when you got them, who was best at, uh, being a..good kid?

Bruce, immediately: Jason.

Tim, traumatized: Let's not do this right now.

[excalisi]

it's a fun hc of mine that during dick's robin days, he went through the "omg i wish i had a cool secret language so i can have secret conversations with my friends" phase all kids go through. but one of his closest friends at the time also happened to be the batman, a guy with possibly the most bizarrely diverse arsenal of skills in the world. bruce sees the merit in the entire idea of a coded language to communicate rudimentary information when they can hear but not see each other. so why not make a code built on bird vocalizations? it's pretty much incomprehensible to anyone without a trained ear or comprehensive knowledge of birding and impossible to even passably mimic without proper training, so while the chances of interception are high, the chances of someone understanding it enough to interrupt during the middle of a bird-convo and feed false information are not.

it also, batman and robin come to realize, feed into the "holy fuck our vigilantes are cryptids" idea. bird sounds that come from seemingly no determinable location (ventriloquism) come to mean batman and robin are nearby. to the goons of gotham, bird song becomes inextricably connected to getting your ass kicked by the dynamic duo. the real reason why criminals don't operate during the day is because they get skittish and jumpy about if the sounds of birds chirping are real birds or some masked vigilantes lying in wait to rock your shit, and it's just easier to commit crimes during the night when all the birds are asleep so you know for sure.

ornithologists have boards on their bedrooms dedicated to the bird-bats of gotham. they've written dissertations.

the bird language becomes a bit of a batfamily bonding connection. teaching each other how to do different clicks and whistles, making up slang so bruce and barbara can't complain of clogging up comms with non-mission relevant talk, searching up birds to associate them with different people, psychologically terrorizing the criminal populace of gotham by chirping at them...

how the bird code works is that there's a bird assigned to each one of gotham's major heavy hitter criminals and vigilantes, and a few assigned to heroes out of the city (by which i mean the ones the bats associate with often enough to have a sign to address by). the only birds i've got so far are the robin (for robin. self-explanatory) and the glistening-green tanager (for the joker). i only have one for the joker bc i wanted to reference this hc in one of my fics and so searched up green birds to find the most eye-searingly annoying-to-look-at green bird i could find, and the glistening-green tanager was the closest one to fit the bill.

[bet-on-me-13]

Vampire Misunderstanding

So! Danny got adopted by Bruce Wayne, but he doesn't know that Bruce is the Batman. He is just supernaturally oblivious to all things Batman related going on in the House.

But he does notice that Bruce leaves home a lot at night, that he doesn't like to go out in the day and often has his parties at night, and once or twice he's caught Bruce with a bit if blood still splattered on his cheek.

So he comes to the only plausible conclusion. Bruce is a Vampire.

He starts trying to hint at the fact that he knows, but doesn't want to just go out and say it. What if Bruce reacts negatively to him knowing? He's dealt with enough Supernatural Beings to know that they don't like other people (and especially other supernatural beings) intruding on their lives.

So Danny decided to subtly hint at it.

He started asking questions like "So hypothetically, how would you deal with having a Garlic Allergy in Gotham?" Or "So if you had very sensitive skin that could sunburn extremely easily, how much cloud cover would you need to go outside?" And "So what's your opinion on a High-Iron Diet?"

Basically just tossing out questions and trying to Guage Bruce's reaction.

He thinks he's doing a good job!

...

Bruce is certain that he has adopted a Vampire.

Danny is a good kid, but he has a few oddities that are hard to ignore.

For one, his skin is constantly Ice Cold, but he never seens to be bothered by it. As if he was an Undead that didn't require Body Heat anymore.

He also seems to like Hanging out in the Graveyard outside, and when asked about it he says that he is comforted by the place. Just like the Vampires he has met in the past, who feel comfortable when surrounded by Death.

And of course the biggest reason for suspicion is the fact that Danny seems to be hinting at it to him.

He keeps asking stuff like "How would you deal with a Garlic Allergy in Gotham?", probably trying to hint that he is a Vampire who can't eat Garlic, or asking about easy to sunburn skin, saying that he is probably not a Daywalker.

Bruce hopes Danny will just come clean about it soon, he doesn't want to intrude upon the kid when he is so obviously nervous about how he will react.

[sully-s]

Clark: Why do I always miss the gossip missions?

[redsray]

Urban Legends was FOUL for showing us this panel of 'Bruce's dream version' of the Batfam. DC when i CATCH YOU

[mikakuna]

when he was robin, bruce could never even slightly raise his voice at jason before feeling like the biggest asshole alive because jason's eyes would get all watery and his bottom lip would tremble and he'd tug on the ends of his shirt, all while looking up at bruce. he'd give a quiet snotty sniffle that should gross bruce out but instead makes bruce's heart SHATTER.

every morning after a fight, alfred would walk into the living room to call them both to eat and he'd just see jason in his dad's lap, giggling while driving a toy car up bruce's arm with a million new toys scattered around the room. bruce sits there with his head tossed back, eyes closed, and an abandoned newspaper in his left hand (he's half asleep bc he spent the entire night ordering shit). he also has glittery stickers pasted on any area of bare skin, including his face.

i don't think jason realizes he has this power. he's just genuinely a kid who gets very emotional when an adult gets cross with him (bc hello this caretaker child would not be able to hand that). any fight with bruce or alfred, he has to fight the urge to burst into tears so hard (he doesn't wanna be a burden) that he just ends up looking heartbreakingly upset, and more like a child than bruce has ever seen him.

[frownyalfred]

the best part about comics and fics where the batkids have to fight a mind controlled Bruce is the inevitable "oh shit" moment when they realize that every single spar with Bruce over the years -- even the ones where they were sparring at full force -- was against a Bruce who still held himself back in some way. because those are his kids.

a Bruce who doesn't care about them is terrifying.

[fantastic-nonsense]

society if Two-Face was Batman's arch-nemesis instead of the Joker:

[nerdpoe]

Danny has an Ice Core.

He isn't aware of it, but this does, in fact, greatly influence how his ghost form looks as he grows up.

His appearance starts getting more rugged, eyes a paler, more piercing green, hair a bit more uncontrollable and wild.

He packs muscle easily, even in human form.

When in ghost form, he has an aura of something patient and dangerous, and that sense only grows the older he gets.

Basically, our boy starts to look like a viking.

No matter how goofy and bumbling he really is, his first impression is always a horrifying moment for whoever is meeting him.

And as his ghost form grows with his human form, he outgrows his hazmat outfit. Frostbite and the Far Frozen fashion him some new clothes-which only compliment and play off of the viking aesthetic he's got going on.

And with the height he inherited from his father?

Our man is a very, very intimidating figure to look at. More so than Dan; because while Dan was dangerous and scary, he was all energy and lightning and rage.

Adult Danny comes across as lethal and terrifying, all ice and persistence and that final, terrible silence before you realize you've already died.

Dan felt like the warrior in front of you. Danny feels like the wilderness in winter, vast and unforgiving.

Anyways, when a summoning for Klarion goes horribly wrong and Danny gets called instead, the Justice League has a moment where they're convinced they've summoned something much, much worse than Klarion.

And Danny, standing there completely confused, is not helping by remaining silent and still while staring John Constantine in the eye.

Good news, the bad guys are also very concerned about the weird ghost viking and are actually moving to stand side by side with the Justice League on this.

Bad news, who the fuck is this guy?

"...Fuck," is all Constantine whispers, backing away slowly.

@simplestoryteller