#what happened that i can't write that self indulgently anymore

[toasteaa]

This draft isn't even actually a draft, it's just me putting down my full thoughts FOR the draft. Why is it already 45 fucking pages long, I'm going to throw myself off a cliff

[minhosimthings]

love.

Synopsis: in which Hyunjin comforts you on a hard day

Warnings: fluff fluff fluff, heavily self indulgent because I can, hurt/comfort, reader cries, mention of food

A/N: yay I did this finally it's out of my notes Woohoo! Idk when this idea came into my brain but it did and I couldn't stop thinking about it so now it's here. For my loves @chlorinecake and @astraystayyh they are my Hyunjins

Song rec: love by Wave to Earth

The weight of the world on your shoulders.

You had often heard that phrase as a child. It was ridiculous, initially.

The world can't possibly weigh that much.

You were the smartest in your class, you knew the multiplication tables by the time you were five, the capitals of the world by eight, and by fifteen, the weight of nothing but your own shoulders dragged you behind everyone.

University was an easy affair, that's what you told everyone. Someone's got to keep up the smart girl, book child status up right?

Studies were easy, just understand it, write it down better. Yet, fuck, you could feel the words fading by, was it a stalactite or a stalagmite?

Graduation was easy, you were peaking and nothing was in your way!

Then you realised something.

The world did weigh too much.

Everyone weighed too much.

Your mind weighed greater than your heart, something you fought off for eons now.

And diamonds are formed under pressure, but hadn't you learnt that diamonds turn into graphite every now and then too?

You were so smart as a child, what happened?, You wished ever so fervently that you could tell them that you weren't a child anymore.

No longer the child that thought the only thing that she needed to do to be loved was to get a good grade off her papers.

Or was that love starved part of you still inside?

"Rough day, love?"

Love. It was the nickname you most adored. Lucky for you nicknames were Hyunjin's personal favourite job.

"Fuck..." You swore softly, immediately collapsing onto your couch, and wrapping yourself into the warm cocoon that was your boyfriend's arms. You swore you would become a butterfly from your current catterpillar state one day.

The gruesome world always seemed to calm down on its axis of rotation as soon as you reached Hyunjin's touch. As if he was the petals of honeydew calming down the speed of a hummingbird. Would you have been the overactive bird rushing around to cater to the needs of everyone around her?

You could hear your own heartbeat in the moments of silence, when the dust seemed to still and the winds seemed to wait, eavesdropping on conversations old and new. The hauntedness of the thumping sound made you shiver.

The tightness around your throat felt tighter by the moment, like an invisible rope hanging round it. Your heart felt too heavy too for some reason. It's a heart, you tried to convince yourself, you need it to live. But you knew that you could rip it out of your chest at this moment, and you would still keep living on. But did you really have to-

"Want to talk about it, love?"

That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

A loud sob ripped through the thick air, coating the curtains of the atmosphere in a blueish paint that seemed to have rotted inside it's bucket far too long. Hyunjin was quick to bury your head further into his chest.

You know you smell really comforting?, that went on in his mind, the thing you said on your first cuddle session, in which, he remembered fondly, you described his scent a bit further than most people usually did.

Broken strings of words escaped your lips, I'm sorry—im so sorry! Guilt always flowed through your veins whenever anything like this happened.

But Hyunjin understood, he always understood. And fuck, you both hated and loved that he understood.

One hand lay on the back of your head, while his other caressed your back, rubbing circles on it. As if a magical void would appear and take all your problems away.

Hyunjin was your magical void.

"Can you talk to me?" Hyunjin asked quietly. He felt you shake your head against his shoulder, causing him to tighten his hold on you.

"It's going to be okay love. I promise you."

Another wave of tears surged through you, nearly making you double over at the rush of fresh emotions popping off in your brain, your jaw tensing as you tried to stifle the illegible babbling falling from your lips. 

Hyunjin's words in your ear and his hand rubbing ribbons of comfort onto your back made you catch your breath, and slow down. Silence rose once you had stopped crying, you felt even more tired now and you had to admit, Hyunjin was a nice pillow.

The occasional sniffle and tired breath from you, broke Hyunjin's heart even more. He hated seeing you cry, so much so, he'd always distract you if he ever sensed you were in a depressed mood. Even if there were times that you poured your entire heart out of him in tears, he'd always shed his own tears in private, sometime later.

"Love?"

"Hmm?"

"Want me to run you a bath?"

"With the candles and everything?" You managed to say in a quiet, exhausted voice. Your throat was tired from all the crying.

"With the candles and everything." Hyunjin smiled down at you, pushing back stray strands of your hair behind your ear, "Can we go up to the bedroom, love? Can we do that?"

He was speaking so softly to you, and it was making you want to sob rivers again.

Silently nodding, you felt yourself droop down all over again as soon as Hyunjin got you up, strong arm wrapped around your waist, hugging you to his side.

Pressing a sweet kiss to the side of your head, Hyunjin started with shuffling moments upto the bedroom, which you followed, not even being able to lift your head up from the pure exhaustion.

Sitting on the bed felt like you were hung down by iron nails, while Hyunjin prepared the bath for you. Even a moment without him felt down, and even if it was a bit dramatic , you were willing to admit it.

"Hands up?" Hyunjin looked at you softly, taking off your shirt for you and discarding it in the empty laundry basket, "You did the laundry yesterday? Wow, I'm proud of you baby."

You let out a breathy giggle at his words. Hyunjin somehow always knew every word in the instruction manual of how to make you laugh.

"Is the temp alright?"

You couldn't get yourself to say yes so you hummed what seemed to have been a 'yes'. Your throat was raw, and your face was congested as well as your chest. You sounded like you swallowed a frog, and the frog was also now sick and subsequently congested.

The water truly didn't have any texture or temperature to it when you got into it. The world felt numb again as you relaxed into the tub, which, evident from the scent, Hyunjin had filled with your favourite bath salts.

What seemed like a year's worth of time, passed in silence, as Hyunjin quietly stroked your skin with soap, was it the lavender one or the tea tree one? You couldn't tell, remembering how you often joked that both of them gave off the same perfuminous vapours and that Hyunjin should just buy one of them. The water seemed more mellow now.

"Love, look at me?" Hyunjin's voice broke you out of your seemingly never-ending stupor. Like it always did.

You turned your head and rested your eyes on Hyunjin's softened ones, and you felt that familiar tightening of your throat again.

"Hyun I-"

"Don't you dare apologise." Hyunjin said before you could even get a word out, "You never have to apologise to me. Not for this."

His hands were sickeningly sweet as they ran over your back, washing lathers of soap off of your back, his voice even more so.

“You deserve to relax, you know that right?" Hyunjin said, as he wrapped you up in your purple coloured towel, "“You did so well today and you do so well everyday and you deserve to rest for a while."

Hugging you into his arms again, Hyunjin provided you with a little den, a cave where you could settle into whenever you felt that you were too tired for a lion's hunt. And you were forever grateful to him for him.

"Now-" Hyunjin looked down at you with a cheeky smile, "You are not allowed to leave the bed until you finish every single cupcake I got you."

"You got me cupcakes?" Your lips broke into a smile, a genuine one this time, "What flavour?"

"Beef." Hyunjin joked, sending both of you into a frenzy of laughter, as you pressed a kiss against his nose, making it turn the touched skin like a tomato.

The one thing that you'd have never admitted to anyone when you were younger was the fact that you wanted to be loved. That was a silly notion to you.

But maybe now, under the watchful gaze of Hyunjin as he saw you devour the cupcakes, you'd admit it.

You'd want to be loved, even if it was another weight on your shoulder.

Maybe that'd be a weight you'd like to ephermally lift.

[grilledbroccolli]

Part 2 of Vampire!reader craves Dan Heng

tbh the titles may not corelate to what I'm writing. As you can see what I wrote is purely self indulgent. Anyways, not a lot of vampire action going on in this one. Description: continuation of part 1 , please read it if you haven't already. This is just mostly Dan Heng taking care of reader Warning: vampire, small wounds, blood?(idk)

Dan Heng has always noticed your fangs and how your eyes would glow a little when you see your crewmate’s wounds after a battle. At first, he thought you are sadistic and a threat to the Astral Express. You refuse to treat wounds or look at blood for longer than 5 seconds. He thinks you’re weird.

“Slow, slow down. I’m all yours.” Dan Heng truly hopes he could relief your hunger.

You soon came back to your senses. You stop sucking on Dan Heng’s wrist and look at the two little holes on his wrist. Horrified to what you’ve done, you push him away.

“Shit! I’m so sorry, Dan Heng. I truly don’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” You said as your eyes not scrambling everywhere but Dan Heng’s eyes. Your eyes started to tear up.

"Hey hey, shhhh, it's alright. Just drink up." He comforted you as he held out his wrist again.

"Nooo. I can't." You refuse. Both of you go back and forth a few times until Dan Heng got tired of it.

"Ok, you know what, just take a shower." Dan Heng walks to the bathtub behind him and starts preparing a bath for you.

"You know you don't have to do all this, right?"

"You're right. But you are not even taking care of yourself."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying sorry." Dan Heng finished preparing the bath and walk to the door. "Take a nice hot bath. I'll leave some clothes at the door. After you're done, go to the kitchen."

As he is about to leave, his thumbs wipe the corner of your mouth that have some of his blood stains on it. "And also... don't fall asleep in the water."

The door shut gently. (What is going on) You messed up. Not only did you hurt him, but also now that you tasted human blood or his blood especially, you can't go back anymore. He tasted so sweet, sweetest of all human blood you've tasted, tastier then any animal blood you've drank. Just thinking about it made you blushed in embarrassment. Before you think too much about what happened, you strip and dip yourself into the hot bath that Dan Heng prepared for you.

After you finished washing up, you wipe yourself dry with the spare towels in the bathroom. You quietly open the door and found some fresh clothes lying by the door outside.

"Why is he so nice to me?" You question yourself. You have never seen him so worried. You never get the impression that he would risk his life to help you. You always wanted to get closer to him, know what he likes and what he taste like. But, you never would have thought that whatever happened would happen.

You stop overthinking and leave the bathroom, heading to the kitchen.

Dan Heng was right at the stove cooking what seems like instant noodles. The microwave is heating somethings up at the same time. The lights are all off, only a single lamp is lighting up the area. Stars can be clearly seen outside the big windows.

"Ah, you're done. Sit down. It'll be ready in no time."

////

Dan Heng place down a heat proof mat and the pot of noodles right in front of you along with a pair of chopsticks and a chinese soup spoon. Not long after, he took a plate out of the microwave.

"Here, eat up. It's not much. These are the leftovers from dinner." He said as he sat down opposite of you.

You haven't had any human food other than drinking Dan Heng's blood just now. Your stomach is starving and hurting like crazy after throwing up nothing but stomach acid.

"Ah wait, darn, I forgot. Here, stomach medicines." He hands you some stomach medicine for soothing your stomach after vomiting. He knew you might throw up again if you don't take care of that fragile stomach of yours right now.

"T- thanks." You take the medicines and start munching down your food. Food had never tasted this good before. Maybe it's because you haven't eaten the entire day or it was made by Dan Heng.

"Slow down, y/n. It's not gonna run away from you. You're gonna choke." Dan Heng gently scolded like a worried mother. As if on cue, you choke on the noodles.

"Jeez, I told you so." He said as he fetch you a glass of water. As you gulp down the water, he gently soothes your back, as if to help with your choking.

"Ah sorry, I can't help it." You said with a sheepish grin. Dan Heng blushed slightly, but it's left unnoticed by you. He suddenly pat your head and clear his throat.

"J- just be careful next time."

////

You finished your late night meal. Dan Heng wash up the dishes. The relaxing sound of running water made you sleepy. Soon later, you fell asleep at the table.

After Dan Heng turn off the sink and wipe down the counters. He turn around and see your head resting on top of your arms, eyes closed, taking in deep breathes. His heart clenches at the sight. Knowing that you had been restless the entire week, you deserve all the rests and his blood. Ah, what have you done to him. He's ears are turning red at the thought. He thought back at the incident in the bathroom. The feeling of your fangs sinking into his skin. The way your tongue would seldomly lick over the wound to make sure not a single drop is wasted. These thoughts made him heat up so much. He starts to feel dizzy, not knowing if it's the recent loss of blood or the thought of you. All he knows is it's all your fault. He glance down on the two little holes you made on his wrist. He thinks it's cute

He sweep you from your chair into his embrace. With one arm under your knee and the other cradling your shoulders. He hoist you up a little to allow your head to rest on his shoulder, making sure you won't fall or feel uncomfortable. He carries you to your room and lay you down. As he is about to leave, you grip on his sleeves.

"Don't go," you whined.

"I'm not going anywhere," he sighed. He had no choice but to sat down beside your bed on the floor, not wanting to lay in your bed without your consent. He stayed awake until he knew you are completely asleep.

Dan Heng stands up from his sitting position and starts to tidy up your bedroom. He picks up all the pillows on the floor and starts to throw out the empty blood bags. He takes the untouched cold tray of food out and clear out the mess you made. After all that, he place a bandage on the wounds and went back into your room. He went back to his previous spot and fell asleep there.

______________________________

There's gonna be a part 3. I still have some ideas left unwritten.

damn i do say so myself i'm cookin good.

[sillygoosealert]

Can you write about Smoke finding out his significant other has been harming herself and has been depressed for sometime but would try to hide it from him so he wouldn't worry?

They’re just Cat scratches I swear

Tw self-harm by cutting, pretty self-indulgent as my own experience but also like this is pretty much everyone’s experience combined, hope whoever sent this is okay, I hope you all are doing okay

Tomas angst, you might die at the end if I'm Feeling Silly

You're training with Tomas in a black long-sleeve

An odd choice considering you're training at the Shri-Ru-Yu but he doesn't question your fashion choice

Afterward, he tries to take you to the hot springs so you don't rot after training

You decline and insist you want to just go to bed

‘How come? We never hang out anymore, did something happen?’

A grim expression covers your face and you excuse yourself to bed

after you train you don't even shower, you just sleep

You sleep a lot, its like you hate being awake

So he desides to get you a sweet treat to cheer you up

That's how he cheers up, little acts of service

He gets you a small cupcake with pink sprinkles

But when he gets to your door, he hears muffled crying

It's like you're sobbing into a pillow

Afraid you are hurt- or something worse, he rushes in

The sight before him is horrific, blood-smeared across your arms and thighs

You're shaking harshly too

He goes over to the bed confused

‘What did you do?!’

Then he notices the razor blade in your hand

And then you notice he noticed the razor blade

Then you start crying even harder

And then he has to put the cupcake down

Then you drop the razor blade, nicking your thigh in the process

And then he has to quickly grab it, putting it on a flat surface to get it away

‘What happened? Why did you.. why didn't you tell me?’

You start to babble incoherent things, curling into a ball and sobbing

Maybe you're having a crying spell

He crawls into bed with you, wrapping an arm around you to pull you in

‘What happened? Talk to me..’

You just cry into him, blood-smearing onto his uniform

Now he's holding you close while rubbing your back

‘Baby I don't know what to do, let me clean you up, please’

You calm down enough to nod and let him drag you away to the bathroom

Its so much worse is good lighting

The cuts are close and long, covering the majority of your thighs

They are sloppy on your arms, not as close or neat

He's shaking with you

And crying

You're both crying a lot

Then he starts a bath

‘I'm going to clean you up, okay? It's going to be fine..’

You don’t know who he’s really saying that to

He places you into the bath, the water lightly changing its shade

‘Gods.. why would you do this? I would have helped you through it.’

‘I’m sorry’

That’s all you say, the time he spends bathing you is spent in silence

The world is cruel and incredibly unfair, you both knew that

But how could someone like Tomas, who has experienced it firsthand, continue to go on when you couldn’t?

He lost his family because he was supposed to, and he still wakes up every morning and lives

But you weren’t like him.

Something neither of you could quite grasp

But that made him scared

What happens when it gets bad again?

Who’s going to save you from the disease that is death

Though, you could also call his love for you a disease too

But that is something he wants no cure to

He cleans your cuts with tears and sobs

Then drys you off without a word

Holding your arms with a firm grip, he stares into you

‘I won't be telling anyone. But I hope you know you aren't going to be leaving my sight anymore.’

You nod your head quickly ‘Okay’

Then he places his head on your thighs

‘You can't leave me. Not yet, not soon..’

Then you run your fingers through his hair, his slightly bloody hair

He doesn't wrap your wounds, letting them heal on their own

But he does take you to bed and lays on top of you, making sure you can't leave

‘Why didn't you tell me?’

‘You have enough on your plate, you didn't need to stress about this.’

‘I want to worry about you, to remind you that I care. I'll always care’

‘Thank you..’

‘I love you’

‘I love you too’

Silly 🎀

[ilovebokutokoutaro]

Nightmare

Suguru geto x reader

Warnings: heartbreak, a lil rushed, break up, depression, self hatred a lil, self blame, angst. Very small since I've no energy for writing much rn.

Overview: suguru was the warmest person you had ever met, never did you ever think he'd leave you feeling this cold.

You should've known.... should've seen it coming...but you couldn't. You couldn't help but forgive the innumerable times you were ignored by him, couldn't help but love him to your very core until it started the crack. And even then you couldn't stop. You'd love him through the cracks.

It had been a year since gojo and suguru went for a mission which ended up really really bad. A year since your relationship with suguru went down the drain. Ever since that happened all suguru had for you was anger, frustration and then on an odd day a he'd shower you with love...maybe that was what kept you up.

You saw how heartbroken and destroyed he was and when you heard what had happened you had rushed to him so fast you couldn't even understand the moment he crashed into your arms, sobbing uncontrollably asking you where he went wrong.

Next year remained with you constantly reassuring him and him ignoring you because he was so indulged in his own self hatred. There was nothing you could do. It hurt, it hurt sm. You just wished he'd somehow turn back into the suguru that cared, your boyfriend that cared.

"hey.. are you okay?" Another day of asking him if he was okay, knowing he'd lie. 'You're not enough for him to tell you the truth' your brain screamed, you were exhausted. Hurt. And physically even worse. "Yeah I'm good." He replied, voice so monotonous you didn't even have the courage to ask again.

you're not enough you're not enough you're not enough.

"okay.." you whispered sitting in his arms as your heart broke over and over again. You wished he'd come back, you wished he was still in love with you. Prayed to every god you knew to heal him in any way possible.

And God did. He healed him, at the cost of his sanity. "I'll kill all the non sorcerers" he uttered and you choked on your own spit. "You will what?!" You yelled, for the first time in forever. "No no suguru what are you saying come here..." You refused to believe this, he can't be leaving, walking towards him you had realised how far away the suguru you knew was.

"no y/n I've made up my mind...i need to leave" he sighed in annoyance as you rushed towards him. smacking your hand away, he could see the buried hurt bubbling up in your face again. You wondered if he could see, if he could tell how your conscience was breaking more and more.

"you can't!" You yelled, eyes desperately begging him to rethink this, to maje him remember you were something 'you don't matter' you brain answering almost immediately. "You know that i can...maybe if i was satoru it would have been easier but that won't stop me" he stated and you could see the resolve, there was nothing that could've gone worse.

"baby...no please" you finally broke down, hands clutching his arms with so much agony he could feel it burning through his veins. Finally you were crying, finally he was soothing you, pulling you in his chest as he begged for forgiveness. It did not matter anymore though, nothing you would say could've stopped him from leaving.

And there he went, leaving you yet again in your own misery, leaving you to wander in your own insecurities that he had pulled out all over again. 'he left' 'you're not enough' 'why would he do this to you' 'why why why why' no questions will ever be answered. No one could take away the pain of watching the only person you had ever trusted with you betray you in the worst ways possible. "I love you, it wasn't your fault" he had reassured but you were far too gone to ever trust anything he says ever again.

You just wished it was a bad dream, a horrible nightmare you could wake up from but sad for you you'd have to watch the nightmare unfold even when you were awake.

-----

A/n: just went through a break up so break up ff for ya all. Suffer with me.🥰🎀💖

[andromeda-nova-writing]

The Honor of Trying Not to Step on Your Foot

Fem!Reader

Summary: Wriothesley had a habit of skipping out on the more formal events within Fontaine. It was a habit he would not be breaking anytime soon, but he usually tried to at least show up for ten minutes before trying to slip away. Sometimes he would get lucky with something happening at the fortress. Normally he would just send Sigewinne in his place but circumstances at the Fortress require both of them to stay behind unknowing of if they will even show up.

Words: 2,502

AN: It's my birthday week and I choose the self-indulgence fic to post. And sometimes a girl dreams of a dance that never happened. Happy early birthday to me. In seriousness. I used this as a chance to practice writing for Navia.

“So are you here under medical personnel for Fontaine?” Naiva asked as the two of them looked over the selection of macaroons Before them.

“No. They don't invite pharmacists to these soirées usually.” Y/N answered. 

Naiva smiled at her downplaying the event they were at. “So you're here with your mother. Some big shot invite the two of you to show off her artwork?” She guessed again.

“Nope. My mom is at home painting for some big shot though.” Y/N laughed at how she could see the wheels turning in her head trying to guess what was going on.

Naiva frowned with worry. “Please tell me you aren't back together with that guy.” She stated with worry thinking about how often Y/N was at events like this during her previous engagement.

“No. That guy could eat dirt for all I care. I cut him off for good.” She reminded her.

Relief washed over her face. “That's good. I was afraid that I was about to talk you out of that relationship for the night.” It was something Navia only brought up cause she knew for a fact that she saw Y/N’s ex earlier when she got here.

“You know I could tell you why I'm here instead of guessing.”

“And take all the fun out of me using my detective skills? No way. It's been a minute since I've seen you. We should have fun with this.”

Y/N laughed. “Okay. Have your fun. Do you want a hint?”

“A small one.”

“I'm here in place of someone in case they can't show up.”

“Did something happen?”

“Yes, but it's not like they enjoy showing up to these events anyway.”

Naiva racked her brain thinking over the details she knew about Y/N’s life. “Are you two close?”

“Yes.” She smiled as she thought of the person Naiva tried to guess.

“Do you work with this person?” 

“More of for.” She answered even though it wasn’t fully accurate. 

Naiva took a bite of a macaroon to fuel her brain as she thought of why Y/N could be here. “Are you here for Wriothesley or Sigewinne?”

“Both.”

“Both?”

“Mostly for Wriothesley. Sigewinne still may show up. She's excited to see Neuvillette.” Y/N explained. “I got called to show up here last minute.”

“Oh, why's that?” 

“Something happened at the Fortress. I don't know the details though. If I wasn't told that I would have thought Wriothesley was just trying to get out of a public appearance again.”

Naiva laughed. “I heard that Charlotte plans on camping out just to get an interview from him.”

Y/N shook her head. “Poor girl. She's not getting one.”

“You have to admire her determination at least.” 

“That you do.” Y/N began moving away from the dessert table they were standing at with Naiva following. “So you and Clorinde? How's reconnecting going?”

“It's been going well. We even found a new tabletop game to try out. It's not exactly like old times but it's still good.” She explained. “She even helped me pick out a dress for this evening.”

“Ah, that sounds like it was fun. At least one of you gets to have fun dressing up. Even though Furina isn't in charge anymore, she still ends up having to work on these events. Probably be more enjoyable as a guest.”

“I feel like that depends on the company you have around you during these. Also when you dance cause you want to and not cause you’re being shown off.” 

Naiva laughed. “Well, have you gotten the chance to dance yet?”

“I was asked before I found you over here but there’s only one person I really want to dance with and that’s not guaranteed. Plus dancing with someone who demands you use their full title is such a turnoff.” Y/N reasoned.

She laughed. “Well, you are at least doing a great job representing the current administration of the Fortress.”

“Except that Wriothesley likes his title, he just hates just about everything else that title requires of him.” Y/N rolled her eyes. “I swear anytime I hear someone refer to him as “Your Grace,” I think I’m going to go insane.”

“So what do you call him while you are working down there?”

“His name usually.”

“Usually?” She teased.

“Also ‘Ri’. I’ve known him long enough for him to have a nickname for him.”

“I’ve known you longer and I don’t have a nickname.”

“You don’t have a name I had to spend a week to remember how to spell.” Y/N reasoned.

Navia frowned. “I’ll give you that.” She would have to live a life without a nickname from her. Oh well. “So you still want to dance for fun?”

“Are you offering?” She remembered the last time she danced with Navia at one of these events. “Last time you stepped on my foot.”

“It was an accident. How many times do I have to apologize?”

“Until someone steps on my foot worse.”

“Ugh. You know I hope you step on someone's foot one day so you would know how bad I feel.” 

“That wouldn't happen though. My mother put me through so many dancing and singing classes as a kid. Such is being a child of a family of artists, I know too many artistic talents even if I won't use them.”

“Well, you should use one of them now. It's either dancing or eating more desserts.”

“Well, will one of my dearest friends care to dance?” Y/N asked with a playful curtsy. 

“I would love the honor of trying not to step on your foot.” She accepted mimicking her actions with a laugh.

The two of them moved across the ballroom not taking the dance too seriously. There was the occasional twirl of each other every now and then. It was loose and fun. Their dance wasn’t anywhere as formal as anyone else on the floor. It was something that reminded Y/N how much she missed dancing.

Even though she worked in Fontaine above and the underworld she still had time for her hobbies. Most of her hobbies now had become reading books and being a model for one of her mother’s paintings when she needed a reference—maybe baking as well. However, that was more of a hobby she picked up from being friends with Navia. It was fun to exchange recipes. 

It was during one of the times Navia was spinning her that she had flung her right into a person. It happened so quickly that she didn't even see who it was right away. Naiva let out a laugh letting go of Y/N’s hand.

“So sorry.” Y/N looked up at the person she was apologizing to. “You made it.” She moved into a hug which Wriothesley returned.

“I got everything taken care of. I don’t think Sigewinne was going to let me even skip once I told her that you were here standing in for us.”

Navia looked over the two of them. For two people who were supposedly single, their actions said otherwise. She knew their working relationship had grown into a close friendship since Y/N had begun helping out in the infirmary of the Fortress. But even this was too intimate of a hug between just friends with how close they held each other. 

She had always kept her business with the Fortress to a minimum. All that the Spina di Rosula helped within the Fortress was supplies and logistics. In the meetings that she had with that man, she found it exhausting to only be improved by good tea. In all her interactions she couldn’t see any similarities between how he usually acted and how he was acting now.

His normally cold eyes were filled with so much warmth as he looked over Y/N. His hands lingered on her as they pulled apart from the hug. They looked as if everyone else here was invading what should have been a private moment.

Y/N turned with a hand pointing at Navia. It was almost like she had only just remembered that she was there as well. “It hasn’t been too boring at all. I’ve been in good company all night. I believe I don’t have to introduce the two of you.” 

“Are you two close?” Wriothesley asked. 

“My mother did a painting of her parents before they passed. So while my mother got the initial sketches, my grandmother tried to teach us how to cross stitch.”

“You had such a natural talent for it.” Navia thought back on the childhood memory.

“You must be misremembering. I couldn’t thread the needle and I kept picking colors that clashed.” Y/N explained.

Navia laughed. “I still have the little cross stitches we did in Poisson. They have a bit of water damage but it's still proof enough that you did well.”

Y/N shook her head. “It doesn’t matter when you are the one who kept the hobby. You could run circles around me now.” She looked back at Wriothesley finishing the answer to his question. “We don’t see each other too often but we try to keep in touch. Mostly letters in between meetings.”

Wriothesley took his hand off Y/N’s back. “Then I’ll let the two of you be. Maybe I can send you in place of me at these things with Navia here to keep you company. You both looked like you were having fun dancing.”

Navia could see his face fall a bit. Even though he could be annoying to work with he was at least respectful. But holding even the obvious to see cards against his chest was going to hurt him at least emotionally one day. Maybe she only thought that as someone who described even herself as having her heart on her sleeve. 

“Actually I stepped a bit weird while we were dancing. It would be best if I rest my ankle for now.” She lied. “You should take my place as her dance partner.”

“Oh, I couldn’t.” Wriothesley tried to turn down the idea. “You two could go sit and talk. The type of dancing I know involves a boxing ring anyway.”

Navia wanted to roll her eyes so badly. Why was he being so dense? Was he always this dense and she hadn't noticed it? “Her mother had her in so many dance classes that I'm sure she could teach you.”

“I wouldn't say I'm so good that I can teach?”

“You downplay yourself. Surely you've known her just long enough to know when she's being hard on herself.” Was it so hard for them to enjoy a bit of romance?

“I don't want to impose. I probably see her more than you anyway. You two should spend time together.” Wriothesley was not even going to have a chance to slip away from this. Events like this just always felt so stuffy to him. His shirt already felt buttoned up too high. He really thought he found a way out of this place.

Navia pinched the bridge of her nose before looking back at the two of them. She mentally apologized to Y/N. “I was told earlier how there was someone Y/N really wanted to dance with. Now she never told me who but I'm sure that wasn't with me.” She crossed her arms before continuing. “You two should enjoy yourselves. Y/N you'll be a wonderful teacher. I'm going to rest my ankle. Now would you please just dance with my friend.” It was more of a demand than a question.

Navia turned away, walking off perfectly fine for someone who said her ankle hurt from stepping wrong. She made a beeline over to where Clorinde, Sigewinne, and Neuvillette were talking. She must have already said something about what had happened as the three of them looked over at Wriothesley and Y/N. They all looked so tired and annoyed by their behavior.

Y/N turned her head to face Wriothesley. “Look, we don't have to dance if you don't want to. I know you would rather sneak away from here maybe find a nice bar and get a beer instead.”

Wriothesley smiled. “You aren't wrong. I just don't fit in here. I mean I showed up with a fresh cut on my face.” He pushed his bangs back showing off the wound that Sigewinne had already closed up. It wasn't anything too deep. Sigewinne even said that he would probably be healed in a day or two. His hand dropped back to his side letting his hair fall back in place.

Y/N laughed. “I was going to say you just look uncomfortable. You usually have your tie so loose. I don't think I've ever seen it on you properly.”

“Looks weird, doesn't it?”

“A bit but other than that cut, I think you clean up nice.” Her eyes wandered to the floor before meeting his again. “If you're going to go sneak out, could I at least walk you to the door? Maybe I could at least help it make it look like you aren't sneaking away and it more like you were needed at the fortress again.”

Wriothesley laughed. The band that had been playing should have stopped their playing so she could have better heard the song that played before her. “Careful. I might take you up on that then you'll never get that dance.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “I should remind her what is and isn’t a private conversation.”

“So do I get to know who you wanted to dance with or was Navia trying to get you to settle for me?” He teased.

“I don’t want to force you.”

Wriothesley took her hand. “And miss out on how happy you looked spinning around in that gown. I think I can survive one attempt at dancing before I try and sneak out.” He pulled her back in close. “Show me how.” He mimicked the positions others were holding their dance partner.

She normally had an easy time meeting his gaze. But this felt all too public knowing how much Wriothesley valued his privacy. Why did she feel so shy all of a sudden? She's made out with the man enough times to where this should be nothing. “Even with them watching?” She pointed her head over to where the group of their friends had gathered.

“They were bound to find out soon enough. I wouldn’t be surprised if Sigewinne already told them.” He let go of her hand and moved it below her chin, raising her head back up to look him in the eyes. “Now would my dance instructor teach me what to do? I’ve managed to avoid dancing at these things as long as possible so I may be a little clueless on this.” “Last chance to try and sneak out.” She warned.

“I’ll take my chances here with you. I could sneak out later if I do really bad.” He let go of her chin and went back to holding her hand.

Y/N laughed. “Then I’ll have to sneak out to comfort you, won’t I?”

[coupleoffanfics]

Hey, it’s almost 1am and I’m riding the angst train I wanted to ask ur opinion on something.

How would the fam react to Y/n getting grievously I hired or dying by the hands of a villain or by Jeremiah and getting caught in the crossfire???

❤️❤️❤️

I'm so glad that people like reading my stuff. It's more self-indulgent, but what fanfic isn't self-indulgent?

Anyway, I'm so excited by seeing this ask because it sounds fun to write about. Let's start with the "less" angsty one. y/n getting gravely injured (I'm assuming that's a typo) by a villain.

TW: Mention of suicidal ideation once and gore.

Getting Gravely Injured by a Villain

It'd depend on the Villain. The family is going to act accordingly in their personas. Their punches are probably hitting harder than usual.

Jason might shoot the villain in the head, but ultimately can't. He's in Gotham following the Bat's rules slightly. So he'll just shoot their knee.

y/n isn't Batgirl anymore. So that means the villain must know the publicity they'll get by attacking, kidnapping, or holding a minor celebrity would give them. The fact that it's Bruce Wayne's daughter who's painted out to be a saint by the media would spread like wildfire. They'd have to be doing it to get attention or money.

How severely y/n was harmed doesn't matter too much. Bruised, broken bones, stabbed, etc are going to make the family more protective. Trying to persuade y/n into coming back to the manor, so that they can keep her close and prevent this from happening again.

Now the Valeska twins will differ in how y/n gets hurt and their reaction.

Jerome is like a child on a sugar high when with y/n. Wouldn't deliberately harm her in any way. Kidnaps y/n and go on a joy ride around the city even though she has no choice and isn't finding any joy from this. She'll probably get a scrape on her legs or arms from falling because Jerome is running too fast while he is holding her arm. Maybe have a bruised arm or wrist because of how tightly he holds her.

He doesn't think too much about things and will get into dangerous situations. Pick a fight or mock the wrong person leading to a shootout. He's having too much fun to care about anyone until y/n is hit.

One of the family members finally caught up to Jerome and was ready to— oh, my God y/n is bleeding from her side! Oh, fuck! AHHH! Jerome knows he can leave y/n in the hands of whatever bat family member showed up. She'll be in good hands while he hunts down the one who shot her.

"I know you're one of the 'good guys', but take care of her. If I hear that you did something that upsets her I'll— actually, I'll keep that a surprise." He looks at y/n who is just bleeding on the floor and in pain with a big ol’ smile. "I'll make sure to give you the head of that fucker who got you. Until then see ya later, toots!"

After that y/n is forced to stay in the manor. They made a deal that it would just be a few weeks, but her stay is indefinite.

Bruce

Opens the door one day to find a large box. It wasn't a delivery because it has no shipping information on it. Just an envelope with y/n's name on top of it. Bruce opens the envelope first and reads the letter which has poor handwriting.

Hey, doll!

Hope you're resting up and not in too much pain. I didn't think picking on a mob boss would get so messy. They just couldn't take a joke. I'll pick a more private place for our next date cuz I know how shy you are. Hope seeing them brightens your day. Made sure to get rid of the eyes since I know how you don't like too many eyes on you. Didn't know who shot you, so I just killed everyone who was there.

Love Jerome.

Bruce doesn't need a minute to take things in. He already knows what's in the box and sends it to the authorities. Does not mention a word of this to y/n. She is already going through a lot and best to not tell her.

He does increase the security around the manor. He ends up putting a tracker on y/n because knowing where she is the only way to keep him from worrying.

This further solidifies that she needs to be in their protection to keep this mentally disturbed boy away. The whole thing is twisted but the line "a more private place" bothers him the most. He's not letting his daughter be alone with Jerome longer than she already has.

Dick

It's early in the morning and Dick wanted to check up on how y/n doing. As he walks up to the manor there's a large box sitting in front of the door. A letter sits on top of it with y/n's name on it. Rips up the envelope and begins reading the letter.

Once Dick was done reading, he looked down at the box. Noticing dried blood around the box. This makes him nauseous and immediately goes to Bruce to inform him. They sent it to authorities so they could identify the heads in the box.

He doesn’t tell y/n or the others about this. Everyone is already in a frenzy from the events prior, so it seemed best to keep this between him, Bruce, and Alfred.

"Made sure to get rid of their eyes," Dick isn't sure why that sticks with him. Maybe it's because he wonders if Jerome beheaded them or took out their eyes first. It doesn't matter though because he needs to keep his little sister safe.

Barbara

Doesn't even want to go near it, checks that there isn't a bomb in there waiting to explode. She takes one peek in the box and immediately looks away. Does not read the letter because what was in the box said what needed to be said. Informs the whole family and that sets the mood for the day.

She checks up on y/n after telling everyone. The poor girl is so overwhelmed by everything that she doesn't want to be around anyone. Spends most of the day with y/n, trying to cheer her up. Get sweets since that's y/n weakness and sugar releases dopamine. She has Alfred cook y/n's comfort food.

The day is meant to help release all of the stress. Barb wasn't sure if it was working until y/n said thank you before going to bed. Barb makes a promise to herself that she'll become better at shielding y/n from this type of depravity.

Jason

Can tell who this is from just by the envelope. y/n's name with little hearts around it. Shoves it into his pocket, he'll give it to y/n when he sees her. Opens the box to be hit with a familiar disgusting odor. Looking inside there are 3 heads. Recognizes one of them being a mod boss he has on his list for a while now.

Jason wasn't sure what to expect, but it wasn't this. He pulls out the envelope and tears it open to get some sort of context. Reading the letter left him unsettled and a little…satisfied? Grateful maybe? For taking care of those who harmed y/n even though it was entirely Jerome's fault that this happened in the first place.

Closes the box and informs the whole family of what he found. Everyone is put more on edge. y/n isn't allowed out of the manor for a few days. y/n is upset by the news and she’s more quiet the following days.

Jason almost wants to laugh at, "They just couldn't take a joke." Bets that these" jokes" were just thinly veiled threats and pointing a gun at them. He probably would have snickered if this didn't involve y/n.

Tim

All he wanted to do was check the mail. Now he's reading a sort of love letter written by a psycho and looking down at the heads that could not look back at him. Their empty eye sockets had- ugh, God there was so much blood.

Debates on whether he should tell y/n about this, but ends up telling her. There was no point in hiding it because she'll probably find out one way or another. Sees the guilt and horror flash across her face. Wants to comfort her as much as he can, but all she does is detract from him. Of course, when Barb opens her arms y/n jumps into them. What happened to them always being there for each?

Doesn't like, "our next date", one bit. He doesn't like the insinuation or the thought of it. He starts keeping his eyes peeled for Jerome and ears open if anyone has information on where he is or going. The sooner he's in Arkham the safer y/n is from him and going on that next date.

Damian

Not impressed. The delivery was lazy and the writing was so sloppy that he almost couldn't read it. The heads must have been cut with a butter knife with how unclean and jagged the cut is. Every unprofessional. Nonchalantly brings this up at the table during breakfast. Not even when everyone is finished, just right in the middle of it.

Never really had respect for a villain or any, but the whole "Didn't know who shot you, so I just killed everyone" was almost respectable. Damian having a speck of respect doesn't mean he likes Jerome. Still thinks he's stupid and annoying.

He'd give him a 3/10 for the delivery and would not order again.

Per-Spray Jeremiah isn't going to do anything, but Post-Spray Jeremiah is a different story. Will break one of y/n's arms or legs just so that she can't get away from him too easily. Though that's going to the extreme, he's more likely to guilt trip her. Getting into her head isn't hard and more effective.

"I thought you loved me. You were the one who always said you loved me. y/n, who has been here for you the most and always will? Not your best friend, Norah, she's leaving you behind and you know it. Not your family because they never cared about you in the first place. No one will love you like I do. You need me, y/n."

By the time the family saves y/n and brings her back to the cave for medical attention. She's consumed by guilt and almost believes she deserved any harm done to her. Will cry to Barb about this and only Barb.

Concerned by this revelation Barb will tell the whole family. Bruce is worried as it's clear that y/n's mental state is worsening. He knew that it would be after bad being kidnapped by Jeremiah, he just didn't think it would be this bad. Bruce and Tim have the same idea to get y/n another therapist if she's still not seeing one.

Jason and Damian are mad that y/n would think that she deserves any pain. Jason is kinda, sort of, not really more understanding about the whole thing than Damian. He gets how she could feel that she failed Jeremiah. If she has revealed that they had been dating and she can't or won’t give up on him, everyone is conflicted and concerned.

Dick has had the most romantic relationships and will try to convince y/n that Jeremiah is a lost cause now. Leading her to a spiral into a depressive episode. Oops!

If y/n is on the verge of death the family freaking the fuck out. Slowly recovers at the manor and convinces her that staying with them is the best thing for her. Depending on if her injury is life-threatening or not will determine how cooperative she is.

Getting Killed by a Villain

Doesn't matter who it is Jason is shooting them on the spot. Though with how emotional and choked up he's getting, he'll probably miss. Damian would react the same way if his whole body didn't stop upon seeing y/n's lifeless eyes. He doesn't want to step near her to see if it was true that he lost his sister.

Bruce, Dick, and Tim will force themselves to act professionally. They're still in their hero personas and killing was a strict no. If the whole family is there then whoever killed y/n is getting a beating of their life.

It could also depend on who's at the scene. Bruce and Dick hold on to the moral code that killing is wrong. This will prevent any further killings from happening.

Damian and Jason would probably end up killing the villain after seeing y/n's corpse. They know it's not going to bring back y/n, but what else can they do except making the villain to pay their debt?

Tim teeters between the lines. If Bruce or Dick is there then he's on their side of not killing. If it's just Damian and/or Jason then he won't stop them. He won't participate just stands back to let them do their thing.

Depending how and when she died will weigh heavily on their mind. Quick and painless before they got there? At least she didn't have to suffer too much, but still keeps them up at night.

Tortured for hours before succumbing to her injuries? They already feel guilty that they couldn't save her on time, but her last hours of living was being in pain will only intensify it. Out of the whole family, Jason would probably be the most distraught by this. He reopens old wounds and memories. y/n meeting a similar end is horrifying to him.

Get there on time, but it’s too late to save her from her injuries. Then slowly dies in their arms. If they're all there then y/n is dying in Bruce's arms.

"Please tell Jeremiah, I'm sorry and- and that I love him. Tell Norah that I hope s-she achieves her dreams of becoming a doctor. Are- are you still there? I can't see or feel you." She can slightly hear Bruce's deep voice while what seems to be the others are screaming. It's getting harder to hear and her body is starting to feel heavier.

This is the end and everyone knows it. Jason, Tim, and Dick don't want to accept it and are trying to patch her wound(s). Trying to get help there as soon as possible. Bruce and Damian are quiet trying to listen to her soft voice get quieter.

y/n starts slightly laughing, it's a nervous tick. "I always fantasize about having enough courage to end it all. Bu-but I- fuck. I'm such a fuck up." She starts crying and any words of comfort are either not heard or ignored. Starts coughing blood, but that doesn't deter Bruce in the slightest. Damian squeezes her hand though he doubts she can feel it.

"I don't even feel the pain anymore…At least I…At least I'm not dying alone." It isn't long before she stops breathing.

Alternatively, I thought of y/n saying, "I wished I was surrounded by loved ones." But she wouldn't stay that no matter how angry she is at the family. Might think it though.

In both cases of the Valeska twins, y/n would be caught in the crossfire. Jerome isn't going to kill y/n because she's his one and only. Jeremiah isn't going to kill y/n because why would he kill his wife? He's already planned out most of their whole lives and she already signed the mentally fabricated marriage certificate.

Jerome gets into a frenzy seeing y/n drop dead. No one is spared from his wrath. He can't bring himself to look at her body and will just leave. Inactive for a short time before getting back into the swing of things.

She is buried next to Jason. The family will catch Jerome hanging around her grave "talking to her" or something. Who knows what the hell he's doing. They'll have to chase him off or turn on the sprinklers if they want him to leave.

He didn't kill her himself, but he's still responsible for the events leading up to it. Meaning the family isn't going to pull back any punches.

Post-Spray Jeremiah has a similar reaction to y/n's death. Honestly, y/n could have died by just jumping in front of him to take a bullet. Doesn't matter how much y/n should hate him, she can't bring herself to. Ultimately it doesn't matter how she died, Jeremiah will blame Batman or the others for their inability to save y/n. Deflecting any responsibility.

This reinforces that he has to destroy Gotham and make it into his perfect image. y/n always talked about wanting to make the world a better place and that's exactly what he's doing.

If she dies in his arms he'll make a quick escape with her body. Having Echo hold back everyone to buy him time. Buries y/n in an undisclosed location and the tombstone will stay y/n Valeska instead of l/n or Wayne.

If he knew of the family's identity, he'd make subtle jabs at them. Mocking them for their mishandling of y/n. When or if he takes over Gotham he'll make sure that they all have front-row seats of the destruction before killing them off.

If he's feeling ruthless he might just have one of his followers get plastic surgery to look like y/n. Even change the pitch of their voice to get close enough to y/n's. Then send the follower after them and make various claims about how they lied about caring about her. How they let her die on purpose. That she'll never forgive them.

Traumatizing the whole family. Will make his follower's death gruesome just fuck with them and have them relive that day.

Bruce regrets not having kept y/n closer. He has a lot of 'should haves’ and 'if only’ in his head. He knows that's not going to do anything, but it'll take a while to accept her death. Always visits her grave every week.

Dick wishes that he'd been a better brother to y/n. He'll often wonder if she's looking down at them from above. Any mention of her will upset him for a while. Tim feels the same as Dick but often finds himself reminiscing about those happy moments. When they're smiling and laughing, once the memory is over he's left feeling melancholy.

Barbara is heartbroken by this. y/n always talked about how she wanted a normal domestic lifestyle. How much she loves Jeremiah and believes that he's the one. Now she's in the dirt and never experienced that simple quiet life she wanted. Carries a photo of y/n and her smiling on her all the time. Believes that y/n is in a better place where she can live out her dreams. One day Barb will see her again and give her a bone-crushing hug.

Jason and Damian think of throwing her body into Lazarus Pit if they have access to her body. Jason seriously thinks of it for only a minute before throwing it out. The pit messed him up and he can't handle bringing y/n back only for her mental turmoil to worsen. Damian doesn't think about that. He wants to apologize for all he's said and done. He wants his sister back, but the family is quick to turn down the idea. Explaining how it could only lead to more pain.

Damian would most likely listen to the family since they're technically right. Although there is a small chance that he wouldn't listen and do it anyway. Right out of the pit, y/n's thinking of her only love. Tries to run back to Jeremiah, but Damian is not having any of that. 

When he returns to the manor with y/n tied up the whole family will have a verbal MMA fight. After that, they lock y/n in a nicely furnished room with hidden security cameras. y/n is like a zombie. Only has one thing, rather one person on her mind. She's a shell of who she once was.

At least they have a second chance, right?

y/n can not go ten minutes without talking or asking about Jeremiah. Will speak with herself if there isn't anyone else with her.

I think this turned out horrible, but hope you enjoyed this. Feel free to ask anything else as my inbox in always open. Also sorry for misspells or grammar mistakes, kinda rushed this.

[poppy-metal]

BE SELF INDULGENT WITH YOUR WRITING DO IT NOBODY CAN STOP YOU BE A FREAK 🔥💪💪🔥💪🔥🔥

i have like very specific scenarios i wanna write abt some day or just talk about like

okay tmi for very personal darksided kinks LMFAO. like do NAWT read if you dont fuck w cnc, noncon, cucking, cheating, ddlg, incest ect. look AWAY

i wanna write about cnc like the genuine feelings of fear and panic as you're made aware of your own helplessness under someone else (looks at patrick) and then the euphoric release of being made to cum because it feels so good to be overpowered and have your cunt forced open. being able to act out the reluctance and to cry and and sob as loud as you want and not have the pounding stop, because you haven't safeworded, but its that panic regardless of oh hes not listening oh i can't stop this oh its gonna happen anyway. coming around them so hard it feels transcendent.

the other one is based on my fear of not being good enough like I've been cheated on alot, and one instance specifically my boyfriend at the time said "im gonna fuck someone in front of you and make you watch" and it stuck with me like it truamatized me LMAO to the point where i physically couldn't bear remembering it without getting violently ill. but then i developed a kind of fascination with the kink of infidelity like I'll watch alot of porn about it and then feel wrong about it afterwards. not being good enough is very much a trigger for me, being excluded is a trigger for me but i think something bordering just on the line of that - like being cucked consensually would heal me. like i think about it with art and tashi or patrick and tashi where they make me watch them together to the point where its bordering on the point of being just too much - where im about to say my safeword because i cant take being ignored anymore - and then they bring me in, and all the attention is on me and im showered with love. its like, having my worst fear played out in front of me (being cheated on, being left out, being ignored) and then being shown that fear isn't a reality - that im important and special and loved and they make me cum and i feel liberated from this vile thought that they'd leave me for eachother, because I make them complete. LMAO its fucked up i know but thats what truama does baby.

the other one..... I've struggled with alot and is kinda controversial but its in the sense of it not being real and being consensual but ddlg.... (and i used to hate this kink for the shame it brought me and the trauma i had w it) like i dont want to just call someone 'daddy' i want to ACT OUT the fantasy of them being my father or my parental figure and I'm their little girl and they just cant help themselves they have to touch my pussy. they have to show me they love me by sliding inside me because this is how daddy loves me. and if i love him back i wont fight him or tell him its wrong I'll accept it with open legs because i want to be taken care of

i have more but baby steps.... not all trauma needs to be processed rn

[floppydiskettess]

alone (chamber x reader) (hurt/comfort)

a/n: im writing this in a super bad episode, if it sucks im sorry. i just need some sort of comfort right now and with this i can pretend i have someone who cares about me. i can pretend that someone actually notices that i am hurting.

tw: sh (hitting self, nothing gorey), severe depression, depressive episodes

when chamber returned to your shared living space, he was not expecting to be greeted to the suffocating silence surrounding the house.

"mon ange? are you here?" he called out but recieved nothing back. had you gone out on a mission?

he set down his items on a counter nearby and approached the bedroom. as he got closer he heard the small sounds of shuffling. when he sat right outsid ghe door, he heard the shaky heavy breathing on the other side just barely audible.

he frowns and worry crosses his face, he knocks on the door immediately.

"darling...? what's wrong? can you please let me in..?"

when you open the door, he lets out a soft gasp as he takes in your appearence. tear stains are present and running down your face from your exhausted dark eyes, just behind you he can see a bunch of little items thrown around as if an animal had ran through the room. he looked around before noticing the soft purple bruises forming on your arms. he nearly started crying then and there.

"mon dieu..what happened mon couer?" he says quietly as if he were trying not to spook you. as he takes in the state of you and the room, you begin crying harder. you messed up HIS space...he is going to be so mad...heisgoingtoleavemeand-

you feel two hands on your shoulders attemptijg to ground you. "hey hey...listen can you follow my breathing for me love?" he says as he pulls you into his chest so you can hear his breathing.

as you mimic his breathing, he softly praises you. "good job...thats it. i'm so proud.."

the only sound in the room is the two of you's soft breathing with the occasional sniffle. he loving rubs your back as he whispers softly into your hair.

"do you feel any better now dear?" when he feels your slow nod into his shoulder he smiles and hugs you tighter.

when you pull away from him, his rests hos hand on your cheek and slowly caresses his thumb over it.

"..do you want to talk about it..? it's alright if not. just tell me what you need."

"i just...why can't i be good at anything...? you have your gun designs...i just have nothing i am good at. i can't draw, or fight, or even be good at video games.."

"oh dear...i'm sorry you feel like that...i promise you that your "thing" will come soon alright? you don't have to be perfect for me or anyone else. now, can i ask where the bruises came from...? ....did you do that?"

seeing you shakily nod is all he needs before he grabs your arm and kisses it softly

"oh honey...why? you need to be careful. i love you so much ok? if you ever feel like this again please call me..i don't want you to suffer through this alone.." he says in a shaky tone you have never heard before. he sound...scared. observing the room around him, he can tell in your throwing match with the random trinkets that you had hit yourself on various items..his heart nearly shattered. when he hears you small muffled apology, he sighs.

"you have no need to be sorry, i am simply happy you are safe...now, what can we do to get this off your mind hm? would you like to watch that new show you told me about?" he said as he gave you a caring gaze.

the rest of the night was spent cuddling on the bed, you quickly fell asleep feeling drained from the stress. when you woke up, the room was tidy and you were pressed gently into his bare chest as he rubbed your back and let out soft breaths into your hair.

"you are not alone anymore mon amour. please, if you need lean on me. i will support you."

sorry for the self indulgent post. i literally described my morning but added someone there 💀. uh anyways i hope you all are doing ok and if you need support to reach out!

(please do not vent on this post)

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Being MSBY's Manager

Period Troubles

MSBY Black Jackels featuring the Schweiden Adlers x Female! Manager (she/her pronouns)

Warnings: period talk, swearing, MSBY being assholes, angst to comfort

A/N: This is purely self indulgent because I'm tired and crabby 😠 all I want to do is write angst and then for these men to make it all go away!

God I go between "I'm so jealous" and "God I'd hate being you" 😅

Literally MSBY (and the Adlers) are both such hot and cold teams

I feel like one day all would be well

But then mercury goes into retrograde and suddenly they all have their undies in a twist

Now your Queen YN is totally the pillar of MSBY

You take care of everything for these boys

You help Atsumu with his setting

Reassuring Sakusa that he, in fact, did not sprain his shoulder

You keep tabs on our feral children, Bokuto and Hinata

You drool over Meian 🥵

You help Inunaki with his receives

You reach low places for Thomas, Barnes and Joffe

Literally what would we do without you YN 👏🏻

But you see, even YN has her off days

Because PMS is a literal bitch and we hate her 😠

The symptoms had been building for a while and you knew this was going to be a bad one

Tired, cramps, loss of appetite, soreness, just general depression over everything

It had been an exhausting week and you knew your period was due to come on Saturday

You were looking forward to the weekend just to be able to rest and escape into your own world for a while

Seriously the guys had been testing you all week

Literally, you have been so irritable and on edge with everything but you've been trying to remain as professional as possible

Atsumu is the main cause of your annoyance per the usual 🙄

Literally I totally feel like Atsumu is the type to set something down, forgets where he set it and then get mad when he can't find it

Atsumu is me. I am Atsumu.

"YN where is my phone?"

"YN where is my nail file?"

"YN WHERE IS MY TOWEL?"

Literally all week it's been nonstop

On top of that, Bokuto has been extra Bokuto-y this past week

Literally 4 emo modes the past week YN!

Is it a full moon or something 🥴

ON TOP OF THAT the team had been preparing to host the Adlers, which gets everyone just all riled up

Literally you can't tell me these men just don't have pissing matches the entire time they are together 🙄

Literally Daichi/Kuroo energy the whole time istg-

Anyways, you woke up on Friday feeling extra crappy

Not necessarily sick, just gross

You know that feeling when you feel like your period is going to start but it doesn't?

Yeah that's it 😫

You've been depressed, having trouble sleeping and woke up with a horrible headache

You grab a coffee on your way to work, walking in like an extra from the Walking Dead

It's a good thing your team literally has zero boundaries YN 😃

"YN you look like shit"- Thomas says

"Damn YN what happened to you? Did you get hit by a bus?"- Inunaki jokes

You rn 👉🏻😐 🔪

"Alright everyone let's get busy, the Adlers are coming in 30 minutes!"- Meian yells

You head to your office, literally just stepping one foot in the door when you hear Meian

"YN what the heck are you doing standing around?!? Go fill the water bottles!"- Meian shouts

You rn 👉🏻 *deep breath in/deep breath out*

You take some Tylenol because lord knows you need it and get busy with your list

You are trying your best to avoid the guys today but oh my god they will not leave you alone!

Literally everyone just has one problem or another

Sakusa can't find his arm sleeves

Bokuto can't find his knee pads

Hinata is lost somewhere who the hell knows anymore

Barnes needs help taping his fingers

Inunaki is rolling everywhere, purposely tripping people and causing drama 🙄

Meian is yelling

Thomas is just existing

And YN is on the verge of a mental breakdown 🥲

Literally the guys have noticed your mood and how you haven't been talking to them much

But they are idiots YN they have no idea why

So when the Adlers show up, it's almost a welcome relief in a sense

They greet the team, shaking hands and greeting you

"Hey YN it's good to see you!"- Hirugami, the Adlers captain says

"You too!" You say returning a greeting

You hear chatter behind you from Atsumu but you ignore it

He's top of the shit list right now we all know it

After greeting the team, Hirugami asks if you can help them tape up

You happily agree, doing so as Meian makes an off handed comment

"Wow YN, you look happy to be helpign the enemy"- he says as he turns to walk away

Please, that one hurt and honestly it was a low blow

But you don't say anything, Hirugami noticing your shift in mood

At the start of the practice game, Heiwajima asks if you can fill up the teams water bottles

Again, you agree because you are there to help out

It's your job 🗣🗣🗣

Unfortunately MSBY is petty and Sakusa just HAS to say something

"Geez YN you don't have be so happy, they asked you to fill their water bottles not manage their team"- Sakusa Kiyoomi, 2nd on the shit list

Low blow agaib ☹️

But again you ignore it, or at least try to ignore it

Because enough see, while you see filling water bottles, you start to cry

Because nothing adds more electrolytes to water than tears 💧

"YN get yourself together, everything will be ok! Only a few more hours"- you say, wiping your eyes and heading back to the gym

Unfortunately for you, the pain is only beginning

Because you see, the biggest jerk of them all has yet to speak and boy is he geared up 👏🏻

The Adlers had just won the first set and Atsumu is in a mood

When isn't he but I digress 🤚🏻

Anyways, you are walking around, handing water bottles and towels out to everyone

You finish with MSBY and head over to the Adlers

Then you hear it...

"YN you might as well just join the Adlers, you seem to like being around them more"- Atsumu says to you

You stop in your tracks because what did he just say?

The Adlers stop and look at you, MSBY stops and looks at you

You turn and look at Atsumu, "What did you just say?"

"Well you seem to like the Adlers alot better than you like us YN. I mean, you've honestly kind of been a bitch lately"- Atsumu Miya, #1-100 on the shit list

You felt the rage boiling up, on top of the hurt you feel from everything that has been going on

You start to breath heavily, trying to control your tears as you walk over to the Adlers handing them their water bottles and towels, you silently turn to MSBY and walk up to them

With tears flowing down your cheeks, you speak

"So you really think I don't do anything for you huh? You think I'm being a bitch. Well I'm sorry I don't feel good, I'm sorry I haven't been sleeping, I'm sorry I have a fucking uterus that is about to bleed and ruin my fucking life for an entire week. But oh by ALL MEANS let me drop everything I'm doing to cater to a bunch of fucking JERKS who can't even say THANK YOU!" You scream as tears run down your face

MSBY rn 👉🏻😐😳

The Adlers 👉🏻👀👀

The Coaches 👉🏻😃 crap she's finally lost it

"You know what, how about you guys fill your own fucking water bottles, oh and tape your own GOD DAMNED FINGERS! Oh and make sure you reassure each other because GOD FORBID ONE OF YOU MISSES A FUCKING RECIEVE OR BLOCK! Or even better yet, find some other willing person who will let you walk all over them because IT AINT ME ANYMORE!"- You scream as tears fall down your face and you turn to the Adlers

"I apologize for my outburst but I'm leaving" you say, stomping away and right out the arena doors

Honestly YN 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Literally MSBY feels like complete shit right now

AS THEY SHOULD!

The Adlers just look at them and shake their heads

"Shit"- Meian says sitting on the bench, his arms on his knees

"We really fucked up this time"- Barnes said coming besides him

"God I'm such an asshole"- Atsumu said

"Yeah you are!"- Kageyama shouts as Atsumu narrows his eyes at him

"Man you guys must have been real assholes to her"- Romero interjects

"Well we definitely haven't been the nicest that's for sure"- Inunaki says crossing his arms

"Well what are you guys gonna do about it?"- Ushijima says 😐

"What do you mean?"- Hinata

Dumbass 🙄

"Seriously? You guys were so mean to her without even asking her how she was feeling"- Hoshiumi

"Yeah, PMS can be a real bitch, I'm sure she's going through it right now"- Heiwajima adds

"You guys really suck with chicks"- Hirugami adds

Please they all turn and glare at him 😑

Meian stands up and announces "we are going to have to end this early"

The guys wordlessly nod, going to pick you the gym in silence as they contemplate what happened

Meanwhile-

You spend the entire train ride home crying, you managed to grab your bag from your office before stomping the rest of the way to the train station

Please you probably cleared a 10ft radius minimum YN

Love that energy 👏🏻

You had planned to go to the store, to grab what you needed for your weekend of self-indulgence but unfortunately everything had ruined that plan

The thing is, you knew you overreacted but you also knew you were right

The guys had been complete and utterly jerks to you and they deserved it

In fact, the coach had texted you telling you to take some personal time and that he would have a talk with the team

You accepted the time off, making your way to your apartment before making your way to the bathroom, stripping and taking a shower

You totally cried the entire shower YN 😭

Ok but me at least once a week 🙃

You got changed into your favorite pajamas, crawled into your bed and out on one of your favorite movies, silencing your phone and trying to calm down

Now our resident idiots are finishing up at the gym when the coach stops them

The adlers have left after giving any advice they had, including groveling and begging for your forgiveness

"YN is taking next week off and I want you all to think about what happened today. YN works incredibly hard for this team and you've done nothing but take advantage of her"- our true ally, MSBY's Coach 💅🏼

"We know Coach, we want to make it up to her"- Thomas interjects

"You idiots are in your twenties and you still have so much to learn about women and I suggest you start now by apologizing to YN and letting her educate you!"- Coach

"Yes Sir"- the team shouts as they all head to the locker room

"Should we call her?"- bokuto says, finally breaking the awkward silence

"Do you really think she wants to talk to us?"- Barnes added as they collectively shook their heads

"I think we need to form a plan guys, we need YN to know we are truly sorry"- Sakusa interjected

"Hey I remember her telling me about her favorite takeout spot, we could get her food from there!"- Inunaki says

"Yeah and she always brings that coffee every morning! Hey I'll go dig it out of the garage and get the order!"- Hinata :D

Please nobody is going to stop him or give him hand sanitizer YN HELP

"Oh maybe we can buy her candy! Girls like that right?"- Atsumu adds

"Wait! Remember she made us all fill out those stupid 'all about me' forms?"- Thomas said running to your office and grabbing the files, pulling out yours where you detailed everything you loved

"SCORE!"- Inunaki said snatching the list from Thomas and reading it

"We have everything we need! Tomorrow we will go and apologize!"- Meian says as the guys all shout in agreement

The next day, you wake up with a major headache and your period has finally arrived

You pop some pain killers and crawl back into bed with your heating pad

You slept like crap the night before, waking up often and thinking about how you yelled at the boys

The thing was, as much as they deserved it you knew your emotions were escalated because of PMS

You sighed, going to turn on your phone when you heard a knock

You looked at the clock, noticing the time was 9am

"That's weird usually Amazon doesn't come until the afternoon"- you said, getting out of bed before walking to the door and checking the peep hole

"What in the hell?"- You say, unlocking the door to see 8 giant men standing there with at least 15 coffees

"Ummm- I literally have so many questions right now"- you say

"Ok shoot"- Meian says the rest of the idiots standing behind him like :D

"What in the hell is this?"- You say gesturing to all that encompasses MSBY

"Well we wanted to bring you coffee, so I dug threw the garbage and found your old cup!"- Hinata :D

"Gross but continue"- you, intrigued

"So then we went to the coffee shop and the Barista recognized us"- Thomas added

"Yeah apparently you talk about us alot YN"- Atsumu 😏

"Complain... I complain about you alot Sumu, continue"- you, now crossing your arms

Atsumu 👉🏻😐

"Well the batista asked where you were and we told her we were getting you coffee. And then she said 'oh what is YN having today'?"- Sakusa

"So we told her and she just looked at us like we were stupid"- Bokuto

"Not really much of a stretch Ko"- you say, taking another jab 🙃

As you should 💅🏼

"She said 'YN only gets that on Fridays, and today's Saturday'"- Hinata adds

You start to smile, knowing exactly where this story is going

"So then we asked what your Saturday coffee was and she said 'she always does something random' so we just ordered one of everything"- Inunaki says 😬

You laugh, rolling your eyes and moving away form the door as they all file in

Honestly tho, you probably need a bigger apartment

"So what is this really about?"- You say turning around, arms crossing as you look at them

Please they look so guilty 😅

"Well, we wanted to apologize"- Meian starts to say as you stick your hand up

"You know bribing me with coffee, sorry 15 coffees, won't make me forgive you right?"- You say as Thomas steps forward

"We know, that's why we brought you these too"- he says handing you your favorite candies

"And these"- Barnes says handing you the biggest bouquet of your favorite flowers 💐

"And we brought this too"- Bokuto holds up your favorite movie

"Yeah and for lunch we are having your favorite restaurant"- Inunaki adds

"Wait- how did you guys... the get to know you sheets"- You 🥺

"YN we know we fucked up, really bad. You don't know how sorry we all are. The truth is, we took advantage of you and didn't consider your feelings"- Meian says

"And we know we are totally jerks and that we don't deserve you but YN, we love you so much and we would completely fall apart without you"- Barnes says

You rn 👉🏻😐🥺😭

Please YN, you are full on sobbing, ugly tears, snot the works 👏🏻

"Uhhh YN are you ok?"- Hinata, about to lose it, Bokuto right behind him

"You- you guys did this all for me?- you👁💧👄💧👁

"We wanted to show you how sorry we really are and we'll, this is the best thought of"- Inunaki

Before he can even stop talking, you have all but flung yourself into his arms

Inunaki 👉🏻😐😳🥰

The other boys 👉🏻😐😠 hey-

Please YN, get to hugging 👏🏻 🫂

After you've hugged them all, you break away as Sakusa hands you a tissue

"I love you guys so much and I'm sorry too"- you say as Thomas puts his hands up

"YN do not apologize to us! We promise we will be better!"- Barnes adds as all the men shake their head in agreement

The rest of the day is taken up by your boys, watching movies and enjoying their company

You end up falling asleep on Meians lap

Please he's taking so many pictures while the team just glares 😐😑

He totally sends it to Hirugami too 😜

Meian: *Sends picture* We made it up to her

Hirugami: Damn well I guess we shouldn't have sent that large box of roses to her apartment asking her to be our manager then 😏

Meian: 😐 you son of a bitch!

Hirugami: 🙃🙃🙃

Please YN, these boys love you so much and will fight til the very end for you 🥰

[not-poignant]

how do you have the time to write all this stuff /and/ play video games etc etc at the same time? Is it just that you write insanely fast after all these years? I have a lot of hobbies, writing being one of them, and i have such a hard time juggling them lol.

Hi anon,

So, real talk -> The reality is I don't have the time to write and play video games at the same time most of the time.

I haven't written anything since the 17th. I haven't started the next Palmarosa chapter. I'm on day 8 of not having opened a new document and writing anything.

I've edited a whole two chapters (which I suspect I have to go over again) and I've responded to some comments and asks, and that's it. No writing, no growing wordcount, I've been stagnating / not doing anything due to burnout since the 17th (I know the date because I have a giant whiteboard of completed chapters next to me).

Honestly, most of the time I don't actually have the time to read, play video games, watch television, or movies. I am too busy writing/editing/sleeping. With Toby in the mix, the small amount of media I was consuming has vanished.

Sometimes I can play certain video games while writing - these are usually low stakes video games I can endlessly put on pause and then play for five minutes at a time, like Dorfromantik and Garden Galaxy. Any kind of idler video game, like Havendock is also good for this.

Anon, you can't have a lot of hobbies and actually keep up with them and write the way I do, and therapist/s wouldn't recommend you drop all of your hobbies to write the way I do anyway. Trust me.

I had two things I wanted to start learning this year, and I haven't started learning them yet. I don't have the capacity. I had a therapist gently point out to me that if I was always at 100 in terms of output, how can I have any energy leftover for self-work and processing? The answer is: I don't. (That's actually why I've spent a week playing video games, and if anything it's just reminded me that my capacity is still at 100 and this is going to take a bit of concerted decompression).

Most of the time it's not normally quite this overwhelming. Toby has just maxed me out because he's a high energy dog who is also a puppy with Separation Anxiety, and there's no quick or easy fix for that. But most of the time it's still very intense. The list of shows I really want to watch, and books I really want to read, is very long. But I often don't have time to indulge in those things because I'm too busy writing.

A lot of the time I don't actually have the time to reread my own fics anymore, outside of editing.

This year was meant to kind of tackle that more decisively but you know then we got a puppy so... not so much.

But yeah anon, there is no 'how do you do this and do this' - you don't do one of those things, or you do it very haphazardly, in small amounts.

I do write very fast (my wordcount is 120-150wpm), but I don't edit fast (I'd tender that editing fast for most people is a bit of an oxymoron), I don't answer asks fast (some of the longer ones take me an hour to compose), etc. And even then, writing fast is not the same as the time it takes to think out the chapter, to figure out what's happening, letting it percolate etc. A lot of my life is also just resting. I lose about 2-5 hours of every afternoon to sleep or rest for example, where nothing productive happens. And I think one of the reasons I read so many manwha atm is that they're so easy to read comparatively, and so quick, and that's the only way I can really consume stories these days.

[stellaris-archivum]

i've never really felt the rain (it's madness)

(this is a draft i have but i currently don't have the time to write about it so i figured to post a snippet about it)

(also because i can't update my ao3 fics right now but i hope i can get back on track by august! <3)

warnings: nsfw, very explicit, self-insert

word count: 1314

He couldn’t fully grasp how it happened. It hit him like a truck—fast, swift, unknowing.

"Fuck," she hisses, "God, you feel so good." He only grunts, slapping her ass every now and then. The pain and the resounding slap it does only bring her to cry out more in pleasure. The noises they make only get louder, the heat of the moment getting into their heads, the indulgence clouding their brains—none of them could even form coherent sentences anymore. She starts screaming his name; the sound beautiful in his ears, and it only drives him to go rougher and rougher. Eventually, he feels the knot in him tighten, and with how her pussy suddenly grips his dick so tightly, he knows they’re both nearing their limit. And he knows what to do.

He pulls out suddenly, making her whine in disappointment. It’s been a while since they did this, so she must have been so caught up in the moment that she thought he was leaving her unsatisfied—but he grabs her by her arms and flips her, aggressively flipping her over the bed, catching her off-guard. "I have to see your face while I fuck you good, chaton." He growls as he gently lines himself up again in her, gently pushing in and—slam! That took her breath away, her mouth agape, and he took this chance to kiss and ravish her tongue with his, eliciting more moans from her as her arms and hands dance all over him, eventually clinging onto his back as she tries to grip at his skin—scratching, digging her nails into his skin. He knows she likes it when he does that. Always the dramatic, always the showman.

"That’s it," he whispers against her lips, "Let go. Cum for me chaton." And with that, he snuck his tongue inside again, and his thrusts got sloppy and sloppier.

It was pure and absolute bliss for her. To be fucked by him—it was something that she never could’ve imagined. How come she found such a refined, high-class man like him drinking away in some random, second-rate club? A man of his status, a rich gun designer, an engineer? It eludes her, but she’s thankful nonetheless. None of her flings had ever fucked her the way he does. At this point, she didn’t want this euphoric bliss to end.

But it has to at some point, so with her mind going blank, she prepares herself.

Both of them go over the edge, her voice shrill with pleasure as her body jerks and convulses under him. Another day’s work. And every time, always the satisfied customer.

He can’t help but let his body fall on top of hers, bringing a grunt to her lips. He mutters an apology as he gently pulls himself out, leaving little kisses all over her neck as she hums. She forgives him, followed by a small chuckle from her.

The two of them lay in the bed with their breathless breaths mixing, as they tried to climb down from their high. Eventually, he gets up, taking the condom he used and disposing of it as soon as he finds the trash can by the hotel’s bathroom. He cleans himself up in the bathroom and, after a short while, emerges from there with a towel on his hand. He can see that she has calmed down now, her breath slightly steadier. "How are you doing, [Y/N]?" He asks as he gently sits on the edge of the bed next to her.

"I feel amazing," the woman he called [Y/N] says, a little smile on her face.

"You know that’s not what I meant." He shakes his head as he starts gently pressing the towel across her body, ridding it of any kind of perspiration that appeared. He cleans her up gently, even paying extra attention to her womanhood by gently rubbing the towel against it. "Did I go too rough on you? Are you sore?"

"You know I love it when you go rough on me. It felt so fucking good, Vincent, I tell you." She laughs softly as her eyes follow her every move. "I’ll be fine, I think. I just need to rest for a bit. But you? Any meetings to attend? Want to stay here with me for a little while?"

"I will not leave until I know you have recovered; I can’t leave you unattended. So mon chaton, I implore you, just tell me when it’s starting to make you sore." He finishes cleaning her up, sending her a stern glare, but he considers her offer for a moment. "So, you want cuddles, then?"

She nods, "We haven’t met in a while. I was very touch-starved, you know? I really needed that fuck. I most definitely need your arms around me after not being touched by you for so long." She motions for him to lay next to her. Setting the towel away, he climbed back on the bed and immediately assumed a big spoon position. She did not complain; she just immediately snuggled up to him with a contented sigh leaving her lips. "Were you that busy? Your deals have gone through, I hope?"

He nods, leaving a soft kiss on her forehead. "Yes, darling. I made sure all of my business ventures are successful so I can free up my schedule and finally fuck you again. Forgive me if it took me so long, cherie."

"Don’t be. I’m not your priority, and this is not a committed relationship anyway. Besides, I just know it’s going to be worth it if I wait."

Vincent finds himself chuckling softly: "I did miss your sweet little cunt."

"I think it’s obvious that it missed you too," She whispers, leaving a soft peck on his lips. "I don’t think I’ll ever find another man who fucks me and takes care of me so amazingly as you. I’m sure whoever you've got your eye on must be one lucky woman."

He scoffs, "Consider yourself lucky, doll. All of my relationships are just flings. It just happened that I liked your pussy the most." He gives her ass a soft slap, making her gasp. "I think you’re my longest fling yet."

"What an honor!" she says, a little sarcastic. "But let’s stay this way, yeah? Feelings are complicated, attachments are gross, and connections are disgusting. I’m sure someone as rational as you understands, right?"

"Of course," he says, looking down on her, "Just a purely physical relationship. Nothing more."

She smiles, "Glad we’re in agreement."

They stay like that after a while. As she slowly drifts to sleep, Vincent thinks about how long it has been since he and this woman who is in his arms have been meeting to just... fuck. He takes care of the arrangements every time, and he would ask her what she felt would turn her on so that he could act accordingly in the bedroom. He would fuck her the way she wants to—and it’s fine with him if his needs aren’t met, because it always will be with a cunt as beautiful as hers. There’s just something about her and her body that drives him absolutely insane—like a wolf in heat. It’s like her body is addicting, and he can’t get enough of it—it’s like he’s unwilling to part with her. He doesn’t want to lose her.

That makes him stop for a moment; his breath holds for quite a while. That’s strange, he thinks; surely I don’t feel that way, don’t I?

But he looks down on her again, and the way her hair would sweep from her face to her neck, the way her skin feels—soft, amazing—and the way she sounds whenever he fucks her—he thinks that no one could ever compare to the way she makes him feel.

And then it hit him like a truck—fast, swift, unknowing.

[tcfactory]

Okay smartass how would you fix Bingqiu if you had your way?

If you actually want to know you could do to be less of a rude little shit about it, anon, but all right.

This is not about 'fixing' anything. Bingqiu is a wildly popular ship and a lot of people enjoy the exact kind of delusional insanity these two have about each other and that's honestly great. Love it for them. Not my cup of tea though.

I think the easiest and fastest way to make them sort their shit out and maybe put them in a position where I might actually be interested in what's going on with them is to take the protagonist halo away. Maybe the System short circuits, maybe it just gets automatically turned off after the extras, don't know don't care.

A lot of Shen Qingqiu's self delusions are fueled by his unshakeable belief that Luo Binghe, being The Protagonist, is Perfectly Fine the way he is. Binghe is the Protagonist, so when there are no character development or obligatory angst events going on he is happy and healthy and a slightly charred good boy and Shen Qingqiu is The Happy Wife who dotes on his hubby and Everything Is Right In The World. Endless honeymoon with their responsibilities only coming to bother them every once in a while. And it makes it way too easy for Binghe to cover up that he's still hurt, still unstable and still insecure by what went down because Shen Qingqiu is willing to take him at face value when he presents his insecurities as just being shameless neediness for his husband. Of course he happily indulges Binghe! But that isn't really helping with the core of the problem now, does it?

Like, Binghe takes steps towards ensuring Shen Qingqiu's mental wellbeing even at the cost of his own as soon as Maigu Ridge is over when he takes him back to the sect. Shen Qingqiu tries too, in his own way (the entire segment in the tombs is all about him putting himself in very real danger for Binghe's sake) but at the same time, this is a guy who completely missed the writing on the wall that Bingge was deeply unhappy in PIDW. As long as he can hold onto his internal picture that The Protagonist Suffered A Lot But He Is Fine Now I don't think he can really offer the right kind of emotional support for Binghe to actually heal from what happened to him and move on to a healthier frame of mind.

If you take the protagonist halo away, then first of all Binghe can, you know, suck a little. Or a lot, actually. The world not making excuses for him and him being a little defanged would be good for him. He gets really nothing he actually wants from being the protagonist - Shen Qingqiu will love him anyway. Mobei-jun will still stick around to back him up and help him out, because he's still Shang Qinghua's favorite fictional son and Qinghua is happy to see Binghe happy, just, you know, somewhere way over there where he can't get jealous tsundere over Cucumber bro and maybe murder him about it. Sha Hualing is still going to be his buddy because he's her best source of human trivia and the writing inspiration for her girlfriend. Not having to be demon emperor and getting more time to spend with his husband would be a relief.

But he would have to be more aware of other people because he's not above them anymore. Maybe even forced to make a few new friends to get by. And his mask will fail and Shen Qingqiu will have to see him for what he is: just Luo Binghe, still hurt and still confused half demon, who loves him very much, but can't make sense of him and is afraid that he will be left behind or pushed away without explanation again and that's kinda Shen Qingqiu's own damn fault.

And Shen Qingqiu can't hold onto his delusions about The Protagonist. He can't willfully ignore that things are not fine with Binghe because he's not the Protagonist anymore and the world only allows that special privilege for the Protagonist. Binghe is just a guy now and he has so many heart demons he needs help with. His trauma from the abyss or Xin Mo can't be brushed off with 'oh that's just part of his blackening he's fine now' anymore. And it might need a little bit of adjusting to internalize that these problems have always been here just below the surface, but Shen Qingqiu genuinely loves Binghe and would want to help him become happier and more stable in any way he can.

Binghe becoming part of the world in a way that's one person among many - building a support network! maybe befriending new demons or actually getting to know and making up with the QJ disciples or finding common ground with LQG and becoming sparring buddies - rather than a protagonist in a sea of NPCs is a lot more interesting to me than whatever he has going on at the end of canon. And Shen Qingqiu can be there with him on that journey, because he already started unlearning the sense of unreality the System conditioned into him, but he still has a long way to go.

[evelhak]

I felt implicitly tagged by @lilypheria. Here's the template too.

It may seem like I only write KnB these days but I don't consider myself to be done with my SPOP comics yet.

Tagging all my writer friends but I'm going to mention @active-mind-15 because you're kind of new to me. But I really want to hear about all my writer mutuals and followers. By the way if you've written one unfinished fic or tried to start to write your ideas but can't, or haven't written for years, or have any other struggle that makes you feel invalid, you count as a writer.

Going to elaborate under the cut because I felt like it.

My old account was FinFanFun, a Finnish site I used mostly for reading Facebook wall fics about that which should not be named.

AO3 is where I publish my KnB fics though I've considered branching out to see if there's still some fandom corners I haven't reached.

I'm slowly introducing myself to writing smut but the only story I've published has been called mild and soft smut or smut-ish, and I doubt the rest will be much different.

I frequently beta-read for friends, though fanfiction is the minority.

I used to have two beta-readers but they're unable to do it anymore so all my fics rely solely on me for now, which makes me really anxious sometimes. I am pretty desperate for a new beta-reader so if KagaKuro and a million words of "homework" doesn't frighten you, please jump into an adventure with me!

All my fics are self-indulgent in that they're what I want to see play out in the story. They are not personal fantasies, or necessarily what I want to see in real life, but it's what I envision for these characters.

I'm always reading old favourite fics again and I need to branch out actually.

If I'm in need of a short fic to read I will probably pick fluff.

Have written m/m and f/f (and m/? and m/f) but honestly it's weird to put them in the same category when m/m is so overrepresented.

I'm not actually sure if I consider fanfiction as a genre or rather a medium, because all genres exist inside fanfiction. Medium is probably more true but I seem to have checked it anyway because I feel like the point here is whether fanfiction is valid literature and that it is.

I don't know if two fandoms with one being dormant would be considered multifandom so maybe no.

I do anxiously wait for feedback since I'm very community oriented but I'm also very introverted and internally motivated so the lack of it doesn't discourage me. I have patience and I can wait for connection for years and years. Not that lack of connection doesn't affect me, of course it does, but giving up is just a very antithetical concept to my beliefs and life.

I have one on-going long KnB story and one unfinished She-Ra fic that is waiting for a better time. Which is an exception since I tend to finish what I start before moving on.

Editing fanfiction is actually not as bad as editing original fiction because I put much less pressure on myself, partially because you can always edit your fic again.

Always listening to hours long conversations in my head between characters when I'm trying to sleep. They're really bad at shutting up and I'm supposed to remember this stuff in the morning?

I was mildly drunk for ten days straight to write Anything Can Happen. Haven't done that since but it was really fun.

My main KnB storyline gets most of my attention. It's just my thing, I pour everything into it.

I didn't check 'wants to be a professional writer' because after three traditionally published books I consider myself to be that already. I actually went the other way around than seems to be the norm: I was an original fiction writer first and then branched out to fanfiction in my twenties. I can see it greatly affects how I write fic, and it's probably the main reason I feel like a bit of an outsider.

[kaelidascope]

Director's commentary on Something About Moths and a Flame, please!

Oh this outta be fun LOL OKAY

So the overall story of how this fic was even born in the first place stemmed from 2 things. I had an idea to write about a shameless self-indulgence about having an overabundance of experience with cismen with hardly any queer experience. And the little queer experiences Blake did have were not good reference points. Using myself as a default source of plot devices (lmao) I self-inserted the desire to get the fuck out of my current state and wanting to move somewhere north to start over. Bing bang boom, you got a basic background and motive for Blake

I honestly should've expected the fic would be more than just 'bisexual character experiences sex with a seasoned sapphic character' and trying to manifest positive things in my life by writing it out in fic format (who doesn't do that, really. If anyone says they don't they're a liar). Everything I make always turns out to be something way more than it's original concept so what I ended up with here was a story drawing on personal elements and wanting for an outcome that probably wont happen, but it's nice seeing it happen to the bees anyway

Blake's feelings about relationships represent a time in my life where my opinion was exactly hers. After a lengthy discussion with Sawrin over dissecting this fic, I've come to the realization that Yang also represents a time frame of opinions as well. Only Yang's core design comes from a time waaaaay in the past that honestly, I had forgotten existed. It's nice to see it manifest despite being buried, and certainly gives me something to think about when I reread it from time to time.

Readers of MM and Moths can draw lines between Blake questioning why things are so easy when she's with Yang. It's the same principle across the board for most bee fics that Blake's past hasn't been kind to her. It's an alien feeling to suddenly have things be so easy, but difficult to accept they're easy at the same time. I tried to picture how the fuck would I react if I were in this perfect dream scenario and how stupid would it be after the realization hits. Blake and Yang have been dating this whole time and just never accepted it for what it was based on what other people have lead them to believe what a relationship had to be.

The talk they have when Yang's AC is out and they're laying in her bed with the windows open is in reference to a talk I once had that didn't have the outcome I wanted. It carries the same essence of dismay - both parties knowing they want each other but because of the boundaries at play, cannot have what they want. But in this version it's not one sided.

Overall, it was nice getting able to write from a quietly honest place without having to worry about literally every other realistic factor ever. This is about as textbook 'I wrote this for me cus I wanted something that applied to me' as it gets. The ending is my dream scenario. I fucking hate living with partners I can't do it anymore JKNFKGNKJGFN but it's not easy finding someone else who'd agree with me. So the bees get my lost dream of permanent independence. I wrote this thing in 3 days and I was morbidly sick while I was doing it, too. So I'm sure it's littered with grammatical errors and what have you. But my best friend has always been completely head over heels about this work, and it astounds me how much he sings its praise. I'm always genuinely surprised when others find something to relate to in this work as well. I never expected it to be anything more than just a glance. It's not even smut heavy. I didn't think people cared about fics like that LOL (silly, I know) but I am glad I put it out there and it got the response it did.

[mrsreginagold]

I need to edit my weekly Nikari, but what happened yesterday regarding my accidental stumbling across a hater (either of my ship or just of me "spamming" the category on AO3, who knows but I'm not interacting with them to find out), started this cycle of self-doubt that's plagued me for years in fandom. And I need to ramble to exorcise it from my system.

Generally my experience has been that I get swept under the rug. Whether it's because I ship something rare or from a defunct fandom, I sadly have gotten used to being ignored. But it's also what's always made me hesitant to post my work somewhere more public than I'm comfortable with.

Back in my OUAT days, it took a *lot* to get me to finally start posting Golden Queen over on fanfiction.net. When I eventually got brave enough for AO3, I began with a small Star Wars ship that only mildly took off, and then moved on to my beloved Calibessa from Penny Dreadful.

My public posting hiatus occurred when I finally got fed up -- mostly due to the fallout of canon Golden Queen and an influx of explicit fic gaining more popularity by default than the virtual library I had been creating for years, I think anyone could understand me getting just a smidge bitter. But instead of bemoaning I took my leave. I was starting to suffer from some burn out anyway, so it was a good time to quietly exit.

I was fairly content taking a break and then slowly writing for myself again. I had ships that I enjoyed making private content for, and over the next few years I regained my passion for something that I consider a deep part of who I am: which is creating in general.

Then I got into Nikita, and Nikari came along.

You have to understand that I had not had a ship drive me the way they did since Calibessa. Sure I had some new pairings come along that I loved. I also delved back into beloved older pairs for variety. But Nikari just...sparked something in me that I can't fully explain.

I am incredibly grateful that I met some lovely souls in the Peter Outerbridge tag who coaxed me into sharing my work again. You all know who you are and your opinions are the ones that actually matter to me. The only reason I'm feeling any hurt and anger right now is because people just don't know how to be polite about pairings anymore. Bring back the term squick. It gets the point across without sounding rude.

Full disclosure: Pirahnashipping squicks me. Hell, John Kramer in general squicks me (though kudos to Tobin for his iconic performances in the role). I don't go bemoaning the fact that most of the content for William Easton is that, because I know it's what makes other people happy. I block/mute as appropriate, write my silly self indulgent crack ship for Will, and go on my merry way. It is *incredibly* simple.

The TL:DR of this is that it's very important to recognize that what you may view as a yuck is another person's yum, and that there is a person with feelings at the other end of the screen.

Anyway that's all for now. I've wasted enough time and must go edit now.

Oh and who knows if I'll ever properly archive my other works for other fandoms on AO3. If someone can get all up in a twist over Nikari, I shudder to think what Golden Queen or my tokusatsu based het will do.