#what i'm gathering from this is that i need to draft a message....

[echeveriia]

i’m in full ‘i should text her’ mode help what do i do

[hunnylagoon]

Right Where You Left Me

Pt 4: The Sweetest Thing to Ever Scare You (Finale)

Ellie Williams x reader

I remember when I first saw you. I remember looking into your warm almond eyes and feeling butterflies in my stomach. But soon, when I looked into your eyes, I no longer felt the same warmth that I once knew. It felt as though you had killed all of the butterflies inside my stomach but yet, I still loved you.

Premise: You and Ellie are childhood best friends until you drift apart. Funny thing about soulmates is they tend to find their way back to each other. You and Ellie try to end the tireless war between you.

Warnings: Angst / drinking / violence / not really religious mentions in this one

Part one here!

Part two here!

Part three over here!

Guys I thought I posted this two days ago but I actually just saved it to drafts. Sorry for being an idiot lmao

I think that I have unlearned how to love.

That’s not even a word but there is no other way to tell you that I have turned myself cold.

Without partying to distract me and religion to fill in gaps of emptiness, I isolate myself and begin to write once again. I'm almost certain that my body has been telling me to write, that I need to pour myself into art as opposed to a girl I was friends with a million years ago.

I figure that I need to create rather than destroy but it might take me a while to do so.

The morning after I abandoned my faith on the church floor, I had woken up and expected Ellie to be gone, however, she was wide awake and playing subway surfers on her phone. Her hair is messy and her eyes are half-lidded. 

She turns to look at me when she feels the shuffling of the bedsheets; despite her doing nothing more than smile at me it is like an understanding passed between us, war is over.

Almost.

It's like I've forgotten how to be soft, I can't manage to get the words out that I need to, and the thought of it alone makes me cringe. "Breakfast?" I ask, unsure of what else to say.

Ellie passes on it and I awkwardly excuse myself, saying that I got called in to take a brunch shift at work. Of course, this is not true. What I do is get into my car and drive and drive until I get mad at myself for burning gas. 

The war between Ellie and I had ended but it didn't register in my head, I almost fell in love with it. Without the constant arguing and passive aggressiveness, there was nothing to put a wall between us and I wasn't ready to be vulnerable again. 

So I begin to feed Ellie the ugliest parts of me; I show her everything I'm sure she will hate but she doesn't, she's patient and shows me the kindness I have been looking everywhere for. Still, I am cold to her, I don't know what else to do. 

I try to push her away all over again but this time, she doesn't let me. Ellie comes into my room when I'm studying to sit on my bed so that she can be in proximity to me. Sometimes she'll ask me if I want to go for a walk or a late-night gas station run, all of the things we used to do.

When I'm angry at her, she lets it happen, she won't escalate the fight all she does is apologize and does what she can to fix it. Everything feels like it's in order again, Joel even starts to send me little text messages to check in on me and sends me Facebook memes that make him think of me.

As of now, we are setting up for Dina's twenty-first birthday. The living room, typically a space for casual gatherings and movie nights, had undergone a transformation. Vibrant streamers adorned the walls, and an array of balloons in assorted hues scattered themselves along the floor "Are balloons too childish?" Abby asks as she walks out of her bedroom.

"They better not be after I just spent half an hour doing all of these," Cat answers, giving her a scornful glare.

"They look great, Cat," I smile and give her a thumbs-up from where I am in the kitchen dumping bags of chips into bowls. "Should I make a veggie platter?"

Cat furrows her eyebrows "If you can finish it by yourself, sure."

"Cat, we aren't children, adults eat vegetables," Abby takes a seat on the couch behind Cat, investigating the hard work she's put into making the living room look nice for just one night "Isn't it weird that Dina is organizing her own surprise party?"

I shrug, placing a wooden cutting board down on the kitchen counter "I don't blame her, I don't think we've always been one hundred percent reliable, me specifically."

"But it's not a surprise if she knows about it."

"So?" Cat asks.

"So why are we calling it a surprise party if it isn't a surprise?"

"Why not?"

"Well, why can't we just call it a party?"

"I don't think it matters," I cut in, I begin to peel carrots and slice them up into quarters. Ellie comes out of her bedroom, she took a nap after completing her physics presentation, her hair in a messy bun, and she's in her typical pyjama uniform of sweats and a hoodie. "Hey, Ellie," I smile at her.

She rubs some sleep away from her green eyes "Hey," Ellie walks over to the kitchen island where I slice and chop vegetables and sits right in front of me. Even half asleep she looks like a statue of marble carved by a skilled hand.

Abby raises an eyebrow, asking 'When did you guys become friends?' without saying it and then it hits me like the plane in Lost. Ellie still hasn't told anyone about our history, our sixteen years of friendship is invisible to the eyes of those who think they know us well.

I'm broken from my thoughts when Abby speaks up "When are you picking up the cake?"

My heart drops "I'm not?"

Cat and Abby cast one another side glances while Ellie snatches a cucumber off my cutting board "Dina was handing out duties and you said you would take care of the cake."

I freeze, unsure of what to say "Nuh-uh." I shake my head like a child denying blame for breaking her mother's favourite dish.

"Yuh-huh," Cat shoots back. "How could you forget that?"

My mind fumbles for an excuse and somehow I land on "I forgot because I went temporarily insane from Lyme disease," What am I saying? "I got Lyme disease because I go camping in secret," I don't camp "And I never told you guys that I go camping because I'm deeply ashamed of it."

Now everyone looks perpetually confused, Ellie included "What are you talking about?" Abby asks, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Okay-well," I place my knife flat on the counter by the wooden cutting board, ignoring the odd spiel I just went on "I'm going to drive to-

"You dropped your car off for a suspension repair yesterday," Abby reminds me.

"Ellie is going to drive me to get a cake," I correct myself "I will be back to finish making my veggie plate." I quickly rinse my hands before grabbing Ellie's keys from the little jewelry dish on the island and yank the sleeve of her hoodie to pull her along.

Ellie doesn't say anything, she slips into some Crocs and we walk outside to her car. "Where are we headed?"

"Uh, hang on," In Ellie's passenger seat, I go on Google Maps to look up the closest bakeries that are still open at this hour, there are two, one a couple of streets away and the other one is across town and closing in twenty minutes. "Infectious Confections," I wrinkle my nose "That's a weird fucking name."

While Ellie tries to make conversation in the car I only speak when giving her directions to the bakery. She knows something is up and I can tell by the way she keeps glancing at me. I just can't manage to get it out of my head that she's still keeping me a secret. 

She pulls up to the bakery and I get out before she even turns her car off, she pulls the keys out of the ignition and trails behind me through the doors.

The bakery itself was rustic and clean, there were two display cases and tills one of the displays held danishes, croissants, cookies, scones and whatever those little swirly flakey things are called. The other display had a big chalk menu above it that read 'Cakery' Though what was in the display case was very sparse.  

"Hi," I walk up to the till, putting on the friendly smile and customer service voice that I usually only use at work. "This is pretty short notice but I was wondering if you had any cakes left or if I could get one made for today?"

The guy behind the counter is a scrawny teenager who looks like he has had a long enough day of dealing with annoying customers "We close in half an hour, there's not enough time to bake and decorate a cake." He explains it like he's said this to a million people, he's bored of the same phrases that his manager has scripted out for him.

"Any shot that someone didn't pick up their cake?" I ask, fingers crossed in the hope that he says yes.

"Let me talk to my manager," His voice drags on, and he turns around and disappears through a commercial kitchen door. I wait patiently, hands balled together in front of me as I rock back and forth on my heels. A minute or two later he comes back holding a bright blue cake with pink detailing of bows and mustaches, there's text on it that reads 'It's a...' gender reveal cake. "This is all we have left, they cancelled last minute.

I look back at Ellie to get her opinion, her eyebrows are furrowed slightly "Maybe we good just get some of those cupcakes and smush them together and smear the icing so it looks like a cake."

I wave her off "I'll buy it," I say this only because it is 5:41 and with each passing minute I am growing desperate, also I don't want Jesse to be disappointed that I fumbled the cake and ruined his girlfriend's birthday.

Angsty teenager puts the bright blue monstrosity into a cake box and charges me an absurd total for it, I bitterly tap my card on the machine. 

As I walk back out to Ellie's car I take a brief moment to look at the sky, it's the same hue as cotton candy and looks as if it had been projected from a watercolour painting, even after I get back into the car and Ellie begins to blast her old dad rock songs, I can't tear my eyes away from it.

After five minutes of silence from my end, Ellie finally asks the question that's been burning into the forefront of her brain "Why are you being weird?"

"Why haven't you told anyone that we met before we moved in together?"

Her dark eyebrows furrow "You haven't told anyone either-

"Yes, I have."

"Who?"

"Yara, Stacy, Kayla, Mitch, Nigel, Carmen, literally everyone from my work," I admit "I just haven't told people who know you personally so it can't make its way back to you because you clearly don't want people to know."

She falls silent, searching her mind for the right words. She clutches the steering wheel tight and looks dead ahead at the car's bumper-to-bumper ahead of us. "I just know how to slip it into conversation."

"I don't think it's that hard, you can just say that we were friends, you don't need to give an intricate play-by-play of everything that happened."

"Why is it important that people know if we're cool again?"

I turn my head to slowly look at her "You are the one who always said 'If we don't have honesty, we have nothing at all'," I point out.

Silence strings between us again, I almost want to throw up.

'We're cool again' Nope, not anymore, we are so very far from cool. Instead of Ellie casting me little glances as she had on the ride there, she ignores my presence almost completely while I glare daggers at her. Was she embarrassed by me? When we went to lunch together why did she lie to Dina about where she was? When she slept in my bed why did Cat ask me if I knew why Ellie came home at eight AM with nothing, not even a key? Did she crawl through my bedroom window to walk around to the front door and pretend she was just getting home?

AND WHY DIDN'T I CALL HER OUT?

She was keeping me a secret and that realization hurt worse than any injury I had ever suffered. She hasn't even told her dead who practically raised me that we lived together. 

God, we weren't even anything and she was keeping me under wraps like I was some disgraceful secret that she would get shamed for holding. The very second she approached our house, I got out of her car, she hadn't even stopped it completely but cake in hand, I hopped out of her car door and didn't look back.

I think I've had my fair share of partying.

After that month-long bender I had where I went to clubs every night and replaced food with vodka, I never wanted to even look at another solo cup full of liquor. Instead of drinking, smoking, or doing karaoke, I hide from Ellie.

I hide from her in conversations and sometimes sneak into my bedroom just to get a bit of breathing room from all of the strangers in my house. Wherever Ellie was, I was not. If she was outside, I was inside, if she was in the living room, I was in the kitchen enjoying my veggie platter. 

Have you ever been the only sober person around in a group of people? If the answer is no, have you ever babysat a houseful of toddlers? Because it's just about the same thing.

When I'm not hiding from the girl who wriggled her way back into my good graces just to trip herself off the podium, I'm cleaning up, protecting our furniture, holding back hair as girls I've never met sob into the toilet, and stopping the drunk from doing stupid things. 

"Hey, buddy," I take my can of hairspray that this frat-adjacent man is holding behind an ignited lighter "I don't think you would look good as a burn victim," His friends moan in disappointment as I do so, they were very excited to see a makeshift flamethrower; I wasn't in the mood to have my house burn down, or have a guy with peach fuzz waste my thirty dollar hair spray. 

Thirty dollars?

Note to self for later: Make smarter spending choices (And smarter relationship choices!).

I felt a tap on my shoulder only to turn around and see Dina, she wasn't drunk, just tipsy "Smile!" She holds up a camera to her eye and clicks the shudder button before I even have a chance to react the flash goes off. A large Polaroid begins to print out, Dina snatches it and shakes it until you can see my silhouette, my eyes are wide, my hair flying behind me from the quick turn of my head and I'm holding a can of hairspray angled to look like I'm going to spray the camera with it "Cute!" She smiles, tucking it into her pocket for later "Wait, I want a group picture of the roommates."

Dina takes my hand and pulls me to one of the couches where Ellie and Abby sit with some guy, she shoes him to get up and drags Cat over to replace him, she stands me in between Ellie and Abby and lightly pushes me down to sit wedged between the two.

"Jesse, please do not do me dirty with this picture," She hands the pink Polaroid camera to her boyfriend and quickly ushers herself to the far left of the couch where she bends over to kiss Cat on the cheek for the picture. Ellie and I are stiff and awkward when the flash goes off. 

After the picture is taken, Ellue turns to face me just the slightest "Hey, I think we should talk-

"I think it's time for cake!" I push myself off the couch and usher myself to the kitchen. 

I pull the cake out of the fridge, looking at what I had done to salvage it; Below the part that said 'It's a...' I wrote '21 year old!' in chocolate pre-made Betty Crocker icing that I had in the fridge for months, it didn't look the best, but it could've been worse.

Dina, of course, cackles when she sees it. To her, it is the funniest thing she's seen all night. I stick the candles in and light it with the light I confiscated from peach fuzz frat boy and push the cake towards Dina after tucking the light back into my pocket, she is illuminated in the glow of iPhone flash all filming her.

"Make a wish!"

Age Sixteen- Grade 11

I think back to how embarrassing it felt to be thoughtful.

How fragile I felt when I would share my feelings and how frail I seem when I do it now. Ellie was always tougher than I was, in rugby, in fights, just in general. That's why I figured she would be taking it better than me when I cut contact, once again I have been proven wrong.

"Conner, can we please just leave?" I pleaded with my then-boyfriend. The night had started fine but after a couple of drinks Ellie and I were becoming increasingly hostile to one another, it wasn't my intention to speak to her but the universe forced my hand when we were shoved into a circle of our friends and made to converse around the bonfire at the beach.

The salty breeze carried the sounds of laughter and the gentle crashing of waves, the scent of roasted marshmallows wafted through the air.

 "What, you need your boyfriend's permission or something?" Ellie held a can of berry blast Smirnoff, staring into my soul from the other side of the fire, the sparks glitter through the night like fireflies. Her words don't feel too bad but they don't feel too good either.

I cast her a glare before I looked back to my boyfriend "Please?" 

He is getting perpetually annoyed with me he shrugs away from my grasp, "Fuck off, we just got here," He mutters, Conner must think I couldn't hear it. He had already downed three Bud lights and a couple of shots of cheap vodka, now he is nursing another beer in hand. 

"Excuse me?" I say, narrowing my eyes. Everyone around the fire pauses their conversation to tune into mine. "Come on," I stand up and try to pull him along so we can have a conversation away from the prying eyes of our friends.

I can't pull the mass of the 6'2 quarterback along with me but he obliges and follows me where I yank him. As I drag him along the rest of the group giggle and makes jokes along the lines of 'Trouble in paradise' but Ellie is the only one who doesn't jump back into mindless conversation, her unnerving eyes are still on me while I chew my boyfriend out by the shoreline. 

"Why do I have to leave just because you're feeling a little bummed out?" 

I'm almost floored at out someone can lack so much empathy "Because you're my boyfriend?" I can feel myself tensing up.

"Why does that mean you can't get up and leave on your own?" He defends "You begged me to come here and now I just wanna down a couple of beers and hang out with my friends."

"You've already drank like twenty!" I retort.

"It's a fucking party!" Conner says, raising his voice "It's a party and it's summer and you're seriously trying to tell me not to have fun?"

"Fuck!" I shout in frustration "Why don't you ever call me? Why can't you ever let me in?" The argument is quickly escalating "Why didn't you tell me that you kissed Tamar and why haven't you told me that you love me?"

"Because I don't."

My words fail me. I knew he didn't, I knew that he hardly even liked me. My dad had thought so highly of him, she said he was the type of guy to rescue a baby from a burning building but as I look at him now, I figure that he eats babies.

I almost open my mouth to say something different, almost, but I don't. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I didn't, I might've been able to salvage the rotting corpse of my relationship with Ellie but I didn't. "Fine," I say, voice calm and quiet "Let's stay."

Before that night I had never really gotten drunk but the second I got back to the bonfire, I was digging through the cooler and shotgunning canned Smirnoff. "Woah," Riley laughs "Someone's finally being a bad influence."

I got myself so shit-faced that when everyone else got up to dance to the music blaring through the Bluetooth speaker, I sat by myself at the shoreline, looking bitterly out towards to ocean while the tides crash at my feet and get sucked back into the ocean. For a moment I think about jumping in and letting my lax body get washed away and sink beneath the surface until I wash up as a water-bloated corpse that some nine-year-old will find when they're beach combing.

My mouth tastes like peroxide and blood, my lungs burn with a red-hot pain. The wind is becoming increasingly harsh and I ignore the hair that is tangled into my golden hoop earrings.

"Wow, you look awful," I don't need to turn around to know who it is.

"Can you just fuck off?" I say "I don't give a shit about you, just leave me alone."

She always had to antagonize me, Ellie went out of her way to stray from the group and bother me. It had something to do with the alcohol in her system. Despite her alleged hatred for me, she takes a seat next to me regardless.

"Fuck, you're so sensitive," She scoffs "I don't know why you're dating him, I'm not even sure why you'd want to fuck him unless you're too lazy to jerk off-

My hands think before my head and I deck Ellie right in the side of her face, getting a solid hit to her cheekbone. My hand flies over my mouth "I'm sorry, I-

Ellie doesn't waste any time in lunging back at me, she pushes me down by my shoulders until my back is in the shallow of the water that moments ago just splashed at my feet and takes a swing. The impact of her punch almost knocks me sober.

I take a sharp inhale, grabbing her elbows and pulling her down to where she was the one on her back and I was the one straddling her. I land one last blow to her nose, I hear a crunch and the panic immediately sends me scrambling to my feet. My eyes go wide at the blood dripping down, her face I turn to run but Ellie is faster, she grabs me by my hair and yanks me down further into the water with her. 

"Fucking cunt!" I cry, though my scream is drowned out by the overwhelmingly loud tides crashing on the shore "Get the fuck off me!" 

Ellie is better at fighting than I am, I had never been on this side of her before, usually, I had been the one to drag her away from fights but now I am the one who is going to stumble home numb from the devastating pain.

Frankly, I'm fucking scared.

She continues to drag me by my hair until I'm knee-deep in the water with her, she almost throws her entire weight into me, dunking me beneath the surface where her bony hands snake around my neck. My eyes have gone blurry with the salt water, they sting and burn. I can't see anything, all I can do is uselessly thrash beneath her. My hands push against her face, trying to pry her off my body. 

Eventually, I manage to claw her face with my fingernails, I dig deep enough that it breaks skin and she recoils just enough for me to knee her in the stomach and let me get out from under her. Just as I try to slip away she reaches for my hair again, but instead of tugging on my hair, she rips out my gold hoop earring. I screech out in agony, hand reaching for where the metal sliced through the lobe of my ear, I shudder in pain; my cries are now jagged and harsh.

This is the exact moment Ellie begins to regret what she's done. "Fuck, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to." Her tone softens and she tries to approach me but I back away from her like a frightened dog.

"Get away from me!" Despite the pain surging in my body, I find the strength in me to hit her again, she staggers back tripping into the water. I hit her so hard that I feel a crack in my knuckle and I yelp out in the immediate shock of pain. 

I wasn't sure when the others had noticed this was happening probably because my vision had gone blurry from salt water and adrenaline but before Ellie could hit me again, she was being restrained by Riley and Kennedy while some guy who I had probably had two conversations with dragged my back to shore.

I keel over on my hands and knees and begin to start retching onto the sand. Laila rubs a gentle hand on my back, my hair sticking wet on my forehead. A seagull, disturbed by the commotion, took flight, its wings cutting through the charged air. 

Next to the pile of vomit I just heaved, blood drips down from my ear, pooling and then soaking into the sand. My neck swells from what is still the raw sensation of Ellie closing her hands around it. 

I look up at Ellie, there is blood that has dripped its way into her mouth, clinging to her white teeth. She has what almost looks like a cat scratch running down her cheek, blood begins to prick and spill from the lacerations.

She stares back at me and we don't say a word but we understand each other clearly, I never want to see you again.

"Let's go," Ellie grabs my arm as Dina begins to slice the cake "We're gonna fix this right now."

"Ellie, there are so many people here," I say in a hushed tone so people can't hear me.

"I don't mean here," She looks at me, face expressionless "Just get in my car."

"Excuse me?" I say, tone accusing "Did you just order me to get in your car?"

"Fuck," She sighs, dropping my wrist to rub her hands down her face "Please can you get in my car so we can work this through."

"There's nothing to work through," I retort "You're embarrassed by me or you still secretly hate me and that's fine, I meant what I said on winter break about the lease, the second it's up, I'm getting the fuck out of here."

"What? No, don't- just," She takes a breath, reevaluating what to say "I have a point to make but I can't make it unless you get in my car."

We stare at each other for a moment, I narrow my eyes and she is still unmoving. Every scenario runs through my head of what could be waiting for me in that car.

"Fine."

I sit silently in her passenger seat, my knees are pulled into my chest and I rest my chin on them. Ellie doesn't say anything either as she drives. I watch each traffic light pass me, every street name to try and make sense of where we are going.

I almost feel like I'm going to suffocate beneath the silence of everything going left unsaid.

When I spot the boardwalk up ahead, I know exactly where she's taking me "Ellie, why are we at the beach?" I give her a side glance "Do I need to take out my earrings?"

Heat rises to her cheeks when I say this, "Not yet," She jokes, getting out of her car and grabbing a tote bag from the back seat, and I follow in tow.

We walk past the boardwalk and onto the sandy beach, I'm already not feeling whatever she's doing; there is sand filling up my Converse and a slight wind chill, I'm really wishing I had a hoodie right now. "Can you tell me what we're doing yet?" I'm hugging myself in an attempt to stay warm "If we're still walking on the beach why couldn't we have just walked on the boardwalk instead? It literally has walk in the name." I'm already going off on one of my tangents.

She still walking ahead of me but she briefly turns around to face me "Can you just stop asking questions for a minute?"

"Okay, whatever," I mutter, trailing behind her still. I can hardly see in the night, the only light to guide us is the moon and the warm ceiling lamps from restaurants along the boardwalk. I can vaguely see Ellie's silhouette, she's outlined by the gentle glow radiating off the moon, I try my best not to stumble over things poking out of the sand that have been lost to sight by darkness. 

"Okay," Ellie stops, "Here we are."

"Where are we?" I ask "I can't see shit, I don't know where here is."

Ellie digs around in her pocket for her phone and turns on a flashlight and it reveals a small iron firepit that was cemented into a slab of concrete in the sand. She hands me her phone so I can keep the flash on her and she can see what she's doing. 

She pulls out some pages ripped out from her notebook "Can you hand me your lighter?"

My eyebrows furrowed, and I felt around in my pocket wondering if I even had one. I did, it had slipped my mind that I still had the bic lighter that I confiscated from Peach Fuzz. I hand the lighter to her and watch as she tucks the pages beneath logs that were in the firepit before we arrive, they are somewhat charred but still viable.

She flicks the lighter to ignite it and the paper catches immediately. The initial flicker grew into a tentative blaze, licking at the edges of the kindling. The crackling sound echoed through the night. 

Once she is sure the fire can survive without her feeding it, she steps away. "Alright, let's have it out."

"Like sex?" I scrunch up my nose.

"Oh my god, no, like let's talk this through." She pinches her nose bridge, taking a breath in before exhaling and putting her hand back down "We're gonna recreate the night of the bonfire how it should've been," Ellie reached back into her bag and pulled out two white claws "I snagged these from Dina's party, sorry this was kind of last minute."

I can't help the smile that grows on my face, I take one of the white claws and crack it open "I don't know how authentic this is gonna be if there isn't any canned Smirnoff."

I think back to exactly how that night played out and I take a seat on the sand, facing the crashing dark ocean. I sip my white claw, as expected Ellie takes a seat next to me, just what happened on the actual night.

"Wow," She says "You look really pretty and I'm an idiot for ever saying you looked awful," Ellie looks gorgeous illuminated by the orange light of the fire, and the breeze causes her flyaway hairs to drift in the wind. "I'm an asshole for pretending that I didn't know you, I was scared I would get hurt again and take it to heart like I did last time. I promise the second we get home that I'll come clean."

I don't know if I can deal with this sugary philosophy. She's being so sweet that it's rotting my teeth.

"Ellie," I say gathering my thoughts, it was so hard being honest with my feelings, it felt like I would get hospitalized if I showed any emotion. "I was so in love with you in high school that it killed me, and I was terrified that my parents would throw me out well, they did- but that's why I pushed you away and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret it." 

The surprise on her face morphs into a soft smile "What about now?" she asks "Do you still love me?"

I shrug, it's honest "I dunno, but I think there's room to try."

She looks from me to the ocean and the way the moonlight glitters off the surface "What happened next?" Ellie toys with the tab of her drink "Did you hit me?"

"Yeah," I say softly, following her gaze out to the waters "But if we're doing the night how it should've been, I'd rather just kiss you."

Ellie turns her head back to look at me. She shoves her white claw into the sand then takes my face into one of her hands and kisses me like it's her job, so tender and carefully like she's afraid I will break beneath pressure.

How weak have I become? My heart is so full of her that I can hardly call it my own.

A/N: Be grateful for this ending because I was very tempted to give you guys an unhappy one. Sorry that I forgot to post this lol, I’m sad this series is over but excited to show you all my next one which may be the angst-iest yet 👀

Thanks for reading!

Tag list: @elliesaturnsoftdrink @elliesaesp @melanie-watermelon @yalaysbee @laundrybag29 @readbydayana @skylerwhitwyo @lmaoo-spiderman @joliettes @kittnii @taylorgracies @sameenatruther @mikellie @belles-hell @fullmachinegirl @eveshyper @whosmica

[hhayden222]

i know now

THIS IS A DRAFT BUT IM POSTING IT SO I DONT LOSE FOLLOWERSSS

tw: ellie gaslighting reader a shit ton, ellie x reader in a toxic relationship, reader is naive as fuck, reader gets cheated on by ellie.

. ★⋆.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 ✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　 ✦

You've always loved your girlfriend Ellie. She might not be the best girlfriend, but it's not her fault. She just needs some healing. And you want to be the person to help her with that.

You never believed that therapists or counseling could actually help someone in need, or someone who doesn't know how to love correctly. Besides, therapists and stuff haven't even known you that long. The only people who could really help you are people that you love.

“Ellie… why have you been acting… different lately? Is something going on?” You inquire, as you sit on the sofa in your living room, in the dim light as you watch a movie with Ellie.

Ellie looks over at you, she is still sitting on the couch, but she is not focused on the movie that the two are watching. “I don't know what you're talking about, I've been alright” Ellie responds to you in a neutral tone.

“You just, act like you don't love me anymore…” you respond in a quiet tone

Ellie looks at you and gives you a fake sad look, “You know that I love you so much. I would never ever do anything to hurt you or to make you think otherwise” Ellie says “I just, I have been under a lot of stress lately and some more stuff is going on in my life.” Ellie adds.

You're naive, and Ellie knows that. She uses it to her advantage without hesitating.

“Oh, I'm sorry for assuming. I trust you, Ellie.” you say in a reassured tone.

Ellie smiles, “Thank you, I'm glad that you trust me, and you don't need to worry about me doing stuff behind your back”

Ellie has completely fooled you at this point, she cannot believe how easy that was. She is now wondering how long it will be until you find out about her cheating.

Ellie pauses for a second to think “so, are you not enjoying the movie?”

“It's alright, not really the best.” You say as you half smile at Ellie.

Ellie's phone randomly buzzes, and she takes it out and quickly reads the text message, she looks a bit nervous as she reads it

Ava: hey, i'm bored, where are you?

Ellie: nothing, just chilling. want me to come over?

Ava: sure 💞

Ellie's face looks like it is about to burn as she puts her phone back down next to her

Ellie stands up and starts to gather her stuff “so, I really have to go now, I am sorry, but i really have to run” she pauses for a moment “can i leave my stuff here, though?” Ellie inquires.

“Yeah, sure. I'll see you tomorrow, I love you.” You say in a slightly confused voice as you watch Ellie randomly start to leave.

Ellie smiles and does not say “i love you” back, as she leaves the living room and exits the house without saying goodbye.

“what the hell?” you say in a confused voice as you notice Ellie's choice of words. which were… none.

“I guess I'll just clean up” you think to yourself as you get up from the sofa

Ellie meets up with her other girlfriend, she can't wait to spend the night with her. And she doesn’t even think about you.

____________________________________________ guys please tell me if this shits ass or not

if not i’ll make a part two

[throwaway-yandere]

Waking Up A Lying Dragon (Yandere!Morax/Reader)

A/n: I do not condone any "yandere" actions in real life, this is just a twisted version of the character for entertainment. This will also just be a loose interpretation/version of the myth "Bakunawa". I'm not very knowledgeable on the topic. I'm very sorry if the details were so off. ((I swear I'm not obsessed with the master/servant troupe this fic is just in my drafts way before yandere ayato lmao))

Unreliable synopsis: A widow/er gets exiled to Teyvat, only to realize it is worse than prison.

Cw: Canon Divergence. Yandere themes. Power imbalance. Mostly gn!reader (the reader likes women.)

------------

There is a saying you've heard in Qingce Village long ago. Your memory is weak now, but it went along the lines of "it is hard to wake up someone who is pretending to be asleep." The verbatim phrase had slowly eroded over time, as you can only pick up synonyms on what you hope the original passage was, but the meaning stands true.

You know well how much harder it is to convince those who chose to be ignorant more than those who are uneducated. Your world had always been a sea of ignoramuses and greed, the present is no different. You need only look at the man beside you for that frustration to resurface.

On a sunny day like this, you wished you can bask in the morning sun alone. "Zhongli", as he calls himself these days, sits with such eloquence and calm beside you that one would easily mistake him to be a righteous man. You scoffed. He is not.

Noticing your gaze, Zhongli straightened up. He adjusted his collar as a faint blush powdered his cheeks. There is a subtle smile on his face as he takes a small sip from his cup. You felt your stomach churn. Just what did he take your glare for? Although he is debatably more salacious in this new form he had taken, your gripe with him won't ever bubble to lust. You refuse to allow it.

You turned away. Hate him or not, you just can't win against him.

"For this lovely afternoon, we gather around here today to recall the tale of Rex Lapis's feat of sealing the terrifying sea dragon, Bakunawa! They are an absolutely perilous dragon that resides on Liyue's seas and our nation's greatest traitor! It is a story told often and one all of our children have heard, yet there had been recent developments found by the wonderful scholars of Sumeru, so keep your ears open!"

Iron Tongue Tian spoke in his usual velvety voice. Most passersby in the streets perked up upon hearing his implications of ancient discoveries.

You shook your head.

Bakunawa was a remarkable traitor in Liyue's Legends. With the archon's passing, it would be low for the storyteller to spread false news, right? Well. You have a fair share of encounters with corrupt and misinformed individuals so you're not placing bets on any of these.

You and Zhongli simultaneously placed your teacups down and eyed Iron Tongue Tian.

"So listen, let me tell you how it is... The tale begins centuries before the archon war, as a well-renowned xiezhi approaches Rex Lapis in candor..."

-----

"Salutations, Sovereign Lord Rex Lapis! This humble servant calls to bring forth news, should thee wish to hear it."

An illuminated immortal beast called out to him and bowed. Morax did not expect a xiezhi to approach him at this hour, but with how strangely uneven its breathing was it must be urgent. It's an even more curious thing for the intelligent ox-like beast not to label the news in either a positive or negative light. Especially when Rex Lapis himself bestowed these adepti the ability of hypersensitive tell spotting for the sake of maintaining law and order.

There are rarely any visitors allowed to enter Morax's domain. Considering how this was Yanfei's father, a friend of his, who was sent to deliver the message, it must be urgent.

Morax, in his human form, clothed himself with a lengthy hanfu with earthly tones. He may only be equipped with a fan and a pipe, but his presence alone is enough to make anyone tremble. The xiezhi learned of Rex Lapis' philosophies of Gold, and this is just one of many ways he displays placid intimidation. Who would even dare make a misstep when the Lord of Geo stood before them?

"Speak."

The pink-haired xiezhi lifted his head.

"There is a water dragon who trespassed Mount Hulao," he said. "They appear to be an outlander outside Teyvat. They're not particularly hostile, but they do not allow humans to interact with their nest either."

His gaze sharpened. "The dragon already nested in the mountains?"

"Yes, my Lord. They have already formed a domain for themselves by the lake, but Mountain Shaper's adamant on allowing them respite, if only for a moment..."

Morax hummed, uprooting the Vortex Vanquisher from the cracked earth. The xiezhi took a reluctant step back. The earth rattled in Morax's footsteps, and the way his golden light flickered through the cracks was amiss in his usual walks. Something tells the xiezhi that this was planned, yet he has yet to lay a finger on what caused his mood to churn into unusual distress.

"Then, shall you collect a few things for me?"

The xiezhi appeared visibly confused. His Lord would rarely ask for his assistance, as he preferred lower adepti to do his biddings. Perhaps this was a sign that this is more confidential than he thought. 

He nodded. "What is it that you wish for, my Lord?"

Morax pulled out a list from thin air. The parchment is pink and laced with a hint of gold. The xiezhi could slightly see through the paper and noticed how the handwriting is akin to Lord Guizhong. He bowed his head to avoid accidentally being on the receiving end of Morax's wrath.

"Hold your head up high, dear friend," Morax spoke as he handed him the scroll. The Adeptus nervously grabbed the list "it is your job to find the ingredients listed here."

Rex Lapis did not lie, the paper is filled with ingredients. However, the xiezhi expected it to be an instruction for smithing a powerful weapon, yet this was a guide on making "good tea". The poor lawyer cannot tell whether this was better than mining cor lapises or not, as one of the requirements entails a need to harvest violetgrass. Still, he would suck it up. Especially if he wants to be married to his mortal fiancé before winter comes.

The xiezhi gulped "T-tea recipes, my Lord?"

"Yes," Morax nodded, yet oddly enough there is a smile behind his stoic eyes. 

"It would be rude not to entertain guests, is that not right?"

---------

Morax entered the domain with ease. His guess was right that the rumored water dragon wouldn't endanger any of their visitors, as there was not a single hint of a trap or weapon. If anything, the realm was picturesque, with limitless orange striped skies, unfamiliar trees, and tropical pearls. The scenery was a stark contrast to the ones observed in Guili Plains. He can hear water flowing in a small stream. 

Was this meant to replicate their old home? Perhaps that is why the dragon chose Liyue. The north cannot accommodate those with warm tastes.

Morax instinctively reached for his weapon as he noticed something walking toward him.

"Greetings to the one who governs the Plains of Returning and Departing. I am Bakunawa, a Sea Dragon from outside Teyvat, and I'm humbled to be acquainted with Your Grace."

His alert demeanor stilled and his breath hitched.

It was you. 

You stood before him as an ethereal mortal cloaked with a cherry headdress and long pure silk that barely covered your form. The skin of your neck was bare yet laced with beads and golden tattoos. Had your eyes not glowed with vertical slits, he would've dubbed you as the most beautiful and handsome mortal he had ever seen. 

But it was not your form that he was enamored with. 

No, it was your presence.

Call it draconic instinct, call it fate. Not one label nor descriptor fits what Morax had felt when he first met you, and he was eager to spend centuries to figure it out.

"I must admit, I did not expect a personal visit," You chuckled softly "I fully expected for you to send your armed subordinates instead. Do I appear passable at best? I have heard from Mountain Shaper that you prefer conversations in this form."

"Y...Yes."

Morax caught himself. Did he, the Prime of the Adepti, stutter over something as minuscule as appearance?

He cleared his throat. Morax recalled from Guizhong's teachings that grueling conversations often start with tea and small talk. Well, if he must...

"You do not offend. You have a talent for upholstery. I bought jasmine tea. What is your motive for staying in here?"

"…"

"…"

"… Pfft-- Hahaha!"

You laughed while holding your sides. Even though you looked away, he could tell that your eyes were beginning to water. For a moment, Morax's knees felt wobbly as he watched your eyes brighten and crease over his comments.

Enchanting.

"You are as blunt and, err, interesting as they say!" You snapped your fingers in amusement. Your cheeks were rosy and your grin was wide. "Believe it or not my liege, I come here only to rest."

"It is your job to make me believe those words." Morax deadpanned.

"A fair point," you said. "However, I am not sure how to persuade you. Shall I recount the events that led me to your abode?"

"I will judge if the story alone will suffice," Morax spoke, "but proceed."

"Well then, let's pour ourselves some tea!"

-------

"There are seven moons where I'm from" You pointed to the fake sky above. "In my prime, I possessed quite a large stature. The mortals in my continent feared that I would swallow the moons out of ignorance, and would make strange noises with their damn pots and pans to rile me up– I know that look on your face. I've seen the same thing on Mountain Shaper's– Trust me, this will be relevant and it gets better."

You winked at the end of your ramblings.

Morax laughed curtly and crossed his arms. If you were sharper you would've noticed the faint pink blush on his cheeks. "I'll take your word for it. That does sound quite troublesome."

You clicked your tongue "It is. There is nothing more useless and vile quite like a human mortal."

Morax flinched.

"Are you not being too harsh with your judgement?" He took a sip of his drink. Morax hoped your opinion was not a threat. He had met adepti and yakshas alike who gaze at mortals with disdain, yet they were all charmed by their appeal in the end. "You may find that they aren't as bad as you say."

He almost wanted to fumble a rash apology after seeing your shoulders drop. You appeared akin to an orphaned child of a burned village, yet his point stands firm like a lone salvaged chapel.

You muttered, "They killed my sister."

Morax's eyes widened. He nearly spat his tea.

You gazed up and looked directly into his amber eyes.

"That was not the only thing they took from me," You grumbled. "They burned my mate's house and left her entire family to succumb to famine while I was away." 

"I pride myself on being a patient being, despite my undesirable circumstances, yet I had let my anger fester deep enough. I had decided to swallow a moon they loved so dearly in return."

You were certainly more loquacious when berating mortals, something Morax silently made note of. Despite your distaste for humanity, you still wore their skin to accommodate his preferences. The notion made the dragon's heart skip a beat a little.

"And did you succeed?" Morax gazed down at his cup while you chuckled sardonically. 

"What do you think?"

You opened your palm. Morax had to squint to see the little speckles resting on your hands. His eyes widened. There is no mistake. It is a culmination of both extracted stardust and starglitters. His breathing paced slowly. To think there would be a being who would dare defy the heavenly principles, even if such Teyvat's laws do not apply to them.

But that wasn't truly what caught his eye.

It was the gold ring on your finger.

"I succeeded, but failed to steel myself." You said. "In the end, these humans frightened me with their strange noises and led me back to sea. As pathetic as that sounds."

"The world I hailed from retained but a single moon," you spoke. "And I'd take a leap in the dark that this world used to have two more that accompanied that lone moon in the sky. I wonder if there's a crack behind that wall..."

Morax went silent. Those slew of words weighed a thousand threats, yet spoke of none. 

"You had done all of that for a mere woman?"

"Are you not fuc– Did you not listen?" It's a good thing you caught yourself. "Humanity took my sister. They killed her because they mistakenly believed her weight was sinking the island. Humans are rash. Cruel. And they do not deserve my pity. There were multiple atrocities they have committed, and... And I suppose that was when they crossed the line."

Morax felt perturbed. Your reasonings were far from enlightened, at least in his viewpoint at the time. "Taking their moons is not a fair act of justice."

'No shit.' You took a long deep breath. 

You heard this all before. The same lecture was spoken before you were shunned from your realm, and they all came from holier-than-thou dragons patting each other on the back over their skewed sense of morality when other creatures do not operate similarly. They are godlings with endless crimes yet these same faces would dare act empathetic over the lives you've taken after you've been driven out. 

If they were not driven by political motives, they were emotionally detached. They cannot and WILL NOT comprehend how one can be enchanted to meet a woman like your lover. It appears that Morax fits the latter description.

He doesn't know. He didn't know.

The silence was beginning to become a nuisance for the both of you. You coughed behind your hand. "I… admit. After her death, I am no longer a patient benevolent being. Sorry, let us both put that aside for now. What matters right now is the issue that I am stranded in a foreign land."

"And what is it that you hope to achieve?" He muttered, causing you to tilt your head.

"Allow me to phrase that properly, Bakunawa. I am, for a lack of a better term, 'a blockhead'. I have but a smattering of knowledge when it comes to these dealings and quite frankly I am reliant on Guizhong." Morax said, slightly massaging his temple after imagining Barbatos's grating voice. "What is it that you are trying to tell me?"

"My new friend, Rex Lapis," You inched closer beside him.

"May I tempt you and Lord Guizhong with a service contract?" You said. Maintaining his breath turned difficult as your fingers intertwined with his. 

"I assure you, I may have a questionable background but someone with my repertoire is hard to come by." 

-----------

You raised an eyebrow at Zhongli.

"I did not seduce you in any shape or form." You grumbled, giving him a dirty look "Seriously, Morax, what lies are you feeding your people?"

"OUR people have quite an imagination, my dearest spouse," Zhongli chuckled as his thumbs gently caressed your thigh. You cringed.

You divert your attention back to the storyteller, ignoring the way his filthy hands seem to crawl upwards.

You can tolerate this. You can tolerate this. You had to quietly chant that, lest you might just accidentally pray to the "deceased" Rex Lapis for your safety.

"The water Dragon went on to serve Sovereign Lord Rex Lapis and the late Lord Guizhong as their most loyal retainer for over hundreds of years. But alas! As you all may know, the latter turned to dust, and what comes after had crumbled Rex Lapis' foundation of trust...."

------------

The Dust had settled.

You were afar when it happened, fending off the great waves as you slash through the perilous winds. The dim skies accentuate the glow of your spear. You could no longer tell if the salt you taste is off your sweat or the ocean and the same goes for your blood and theirs. Guizhong purposely stationed you to fight silent enemies because she knew of your phobia. You appreciate her consideration. 

Some nights, you wished you were able to save her with just your appreciation.

Only when you emerged victorious against Osial's lackeys did you hear a shrill cry from Cloud Retainer. You snapped your head and reached your hand out in fear that the engineer needed assistance, slightly annoyed at her interference. When you leaped your way up, she was in pristine condition. Her feathers were barely covered in dirt just like her claws.

You sighed in relief. 

You never liked loud and sharp noises. 

It had always been your greatest bane.

"What the hell are you yelling for?! There is no time to coddle your eccentricities, Retainer!"

Her wing pointed to her north, trembling. You expected her to open her mouth with her predictable "One must" opening, but she didn't. You followed her gaze and occupied her telescope.

The shores of Yaoguang Shoal were far and truthfully the sight was left to your imagination. There were however, two silhouettes you were familiar with and the view was not pretty. Above the sands, you make out the form of your Lords and friends, Morax and Guizhong.

Your head lowered as you cursed under your breath. You just know that he is beside himself holding back silvery tears.

To have a loved one be stripped away...

He knows. Now he knows.

------------

"My Lord," You moved to pass the curtains. The beaded threads slide over and reveal the form of Morax's drained form. He still insisted on remaining human as he buried his nose in writing paperwork after paperwork. Out of respect, you entered his abode as one as well. It is no secret that you worry over his health. As his most trusted retainer, you had voluntarily stationed yourself outside his room for most of your free time. "I bought you some food and water from Mount Aocang."

There was no response.

You sighed. You should've guessed as much. You were in a similar state, might've been worse, a day after you knelt beside your wife's ashes. It was just unpredictable how the man you saw screamed and summon meteors from the sky grieving so uncannily silent.

"Why are you offering me fish?"

"Oh, I..." You scratched behind your ear. "I supposed it was an unconscious decision. I often gave my wife seafood when she was under the weather... My wife is an avid fan of seafood– was, an avid fan..."

You looked back at the memory of your old life so fondly, back when you waited for nothing more than eating with her by the banana leaves. Morax's face sharpened in a mocking pointed look. Your heart ached for a moment, fearing that the sentiment is not appropriate for those in grief to hear.

"Shut it."

Your sympathy slightly cracked. Perhaps it was not appropriate for you to mention your deceased loved one when he is in this state but to be so uncouth about it? A bit unacceptable. You pulled the plate closer to your chest defensively. 

"But you must eat–"

"I find seafood distasteful." He bit back. "The mere sight irritates me. Dispose of it. Now."

"Mo–"

"BAKUNAWA!!!"

You trembled.

His eyes looked directly into your soul and you felt it dissecting your being. Judging. Hateful. Words cannot fully describe how unpleasant it becomes being near Morax's presence when he was menacing. 

But Morax faltered when he saw you flinch.

He had almost forgotten your fear of loud noises.

"Do not mention your DEAD wife ever again." He spat and glowered. Morax picked up a pen again and hastily pulled out a parchment from his study table. You assumed it was yours as he began to inspect it closely. 

"I should revise your contract."

"You didn't hate seafood last time we dined with Pervases." You mumbled mostly to yourself, not wanting to uncover your grief over the young yaksha's passing either. It certainly will be the last time you ate with him. You didn't want to use Pervases as a dirty trick to distract Morax from condemning your wife's memory, but you knew that with him, you must grasp at any straws for an immovable force to budge.

"I do not like it now. Bakunawa. Throw it away. A mere mortal's preference will never influence my own." 

You scoffed.

A mere mortal? Had he become this petty? Using your deceased wife's favorite things as a weapon against you? Just so you would leave?

You want to be just as petty. You want to hurl insult after insult, but you have matured. He reminded you of yourself in the ocean many moons ago. You should know how grief comes in waves, clinging onto shore once in a while. This is a dragon stripped away from his closest confidant, much like how the love of your wife was taken from you.

If this is how he grieves, then you respect it.

He is a sleeping dragon, but it is not time for him to wake up. 

"I see. I shall leave you alone for tonight." You smiled faintly. 

"Get some rest, Morax."

After you left, Morax reached out his hand but you were already gone. He placed his pen down and rubbed his forehead. That was not how he wanted that conversation to go. He did not mean to be passive-aggressive, but he can't help but be irritated when you speak of the dead mortal.

You mention her name every moment you two were alone together, and he's starting to suspect that you do so on purpose. Her name is a constant reminder that while you penned your name in his contract, you will never belong to him. The gold on your ring finger solidified it. 

Morax sighed.

He wished you stayed with him until he felt better, and not the opposite.

------------

You turned back to your original form. Your human heart was uneased and erratic the entire time you were alone with Morax. It's strange because you always felt secure around him, but being around a grieving person is likely a complicated ordeal. The uncomfortable sensations seem to stem from your human vessel, and the tingles have yet to subside despite reverting to your old scales. 

You sat at a rock in Guili Plains. The field remains tilled with blood and residues of fallen divine beings. Ashes are scattered along with blood-stained mud. Traces of the battle left not one house standing. Morax was forced to move the survivors to the harbor. Had Guizhong survived, she would've calculated the damages and costs to repair the civilization. She would've been alongside you and Morax, pinching the bridge of her nose as she writes off what needs to be done. You could see it clear as day. Guizhong would've patted Morax's head and reassured him with hopes for the future. It left a bitter taste in your mouth just imagining it.

Because she reminds you of your wife. And now she had passed on as well.  

You wondered if the two finally met up there. Lord Guizhong had expressed interest in meeting your wife someday. You wondered if they were fast friends.

But you also wondered if she's happy in the afterlife.

Being a sea serpent dragon, your eyesight is not as great as a crane's which leads you to have doubts. 

Is it possible that Morax himself was the one who put Guizhong out of her misery?

"You may have won, but you shouldn't let your guard down, Bakunawa."

In one swift motion, your claws pressed against Beisht's neck. Her back was pressed firmly against the cracked concretes. A dangerous laugh echoed throughout the barren land. She, with her overflowing confidence, grabbed your hand and dug the blade deeper down her neck.

"Do you really think I'd come after you with my true form?"

Ragged as she may be, Biesht had been such an eye-candy. Her eyes were inviting and her lips were just as tempting. She's personally not your type, but you can see the appeal. Her sharp eyelashes and long painted nails are to die for. It's no wonder Osial tied her down as his mistress. 

But this isn't Beisht herself.

"A water mimic." You grumbled distastefully. Your claws retract and morphed back into human nails. With apparent distaste, you won't let her rile you up in your divine form. 

"Ten points to Bakunawa." She said sardonically.

"What are you doing here, Beisht? Your strength wanes-- you can barely maintain your mimic's shape. What could you possibly achieve by such a reckless ambush? Do you realize how idiotic your plan was? Do you have a death wish?"

"Tut-tut! Won't even allow me to speak? Such hostility!" Beisht snickered. "What's with your self-righteous attitude? There are no tales of chivalry and glory born from a wasteland. Don't suffocate yourself with such fake ideals, my fellow monster."

This serpent is the exact opposite of your wife.

"I…" You sighed. You were both equally jaded, the only difference between you two is that one is willing to hide it. "Why aren't you with your husband."

It was not a question yet she humored you anyways. "Trapped down there, but don't worry I'll join him eventually."

As she should.

"I wasn't fucking worried."

"To answer your previous question: I figured I should greet my new neighbor." She laughed. "After all, we're bound to be cellmates."

You clicked your tongue. Her smirk widened. Despite being at the bottom of this struggle, she seemed to be under the impression she had it under control. Your grip on the mimic's wrists tightened.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You're a serpent dragon like me, not a pathetic mortal. I'm sure you know what I meant, don't you darling? It's very similar to how Osial won't let me meet other beings."

You refused to meet her gaze.

You know. Everyone knows the look Morax gives you when he thought no one was staring. You know how both his human and draconic hands hover above your own when they shouldn't. They practically mirrored yours one fateful summer on the seaside. They were a striking similarity of who you once were to your wife.

A dragon's love can be suffocating. You admit that you are not free from criticism when you were just as hopeless. You once tried to court your wife by leaving human and animal hearts on her doorstep among other gruesome courtship methods. It was only through her mercy did you learn how love must be kept in moderation. She forgave you of your sins. It was only through her guidance did you learn that love does not translate to possession, nor should it be stifled by rigid rules.

He does not think the same.

Morax is desperately in love with you, but your heart belongs to another. That is a violation of your shared contract that neither of you had to acknowledge, and with how the winds changed and blew the cold away, so too will his disposition.

At that moment, you started to think that gentle reminders of your marriage won't be enough to keep the dragon at bay.

"He wants to lock me up to quench his obsession." You breathed shallowly. "He just hasn't discovered a sociably acceptable reason to do so."

"Smart dragon." She cooed and smoothed out your ruffled human hair. You quietly groaned. "I'm sure we'd be good friends under the sea. You'd be my favorite neighbor."

"I will be your only neighbor."

 "Oh? Do you want points for that as well?"

You gritted your teeth. "I don't need your approval."

"Hmm, but you need others, don't you? Poor poor Bakunawa," she mocked. 

"Finally got a taste of what it feels like to be accepted by society, only to sink back to the abyss. What a tragic tale." 

Beisht looked behind you. "I'll be heading off now, his servant approaches. Do visit my chambers sometimes, won't you, love? I just know we'd make great accomplices."

She kissed your cheek.

"Beis–"

Her water mimic fizzled out.

"Bakunawa, Rex Lapis calls for you." 

You snapped out of it.

The last Yaksha met your gaze. His arms were folded and he himself was just as indifferent. This command spells trouble for you, but you cannot bring yourself to complain. Xiao's eyes were tired and you do not wish to add more to his troubles. If he did saw Beisht and did nothing, it was likely due to the karmic binds.

You nodded. 

"I'll be there at once, thank you, Xiao."

-------------

In hindsight, you should've been warier at the fact that Morax summoned you close to the shore where Osial was imprisoned in. Yet you still needed to clean up the remains of this war. It is your sworn duty to help Morax's people. Even if it meant going door to door to exterminate foul sea miscreations.

A bit ironic, considering Morax's whole spiel about eating seafood earlier.

"You have called for me, my lord?"

"Bakunawa…" He said. You do not like how he looked at you. "There are things I would like to confess."

You do not like where this is going.

"Go... Go on..."

"Bakunawa, I..." 

He blushed as he took your hands. Morax's eyes were directly staring into your soul. You wanted to immediately pull away, but the thought of offending him with that more than your rejection started to creep in. You both stared at each other with uncertainty. From an outside perspective, it would look adorable. From your perspective, this was an absolute nightmare.

"I love you."

"Morax I–" You immediately stammered as he leaned forward.

His lips felt soft when pressed against your palm.

Morax pulled back. 

He squinted.

"So... You still chose her."

You looked at your hand. Your wedding ring glowed. 

With newfound resolve, you nodded.

"Always."

"I see..." Morax scowled. 

"You must hope that you will not regret your choice."

The ground shook below you.

You didn't realize what was happening until you screamed your lungs out from the fall.

"What the– What's this..."

Morax looked down at you, distraught.

"BAKUNAWA, YOU ARE CONDEMNED TO A LIFE OF ETERNAL IMPRISONMENT FOR VIOLATING CLAUSE I OF SECTION A." A mechanical voice echoed around you.

"... What?"

"YOU WILL NOW UNDERGO PUNISHMENT BEFITTING OF TRAITORS. GLORY TO THE PRIME OF THE ADEPTI."

CLINK! CLANK!

You winced. Not due to physical pain, but due to the noises around you. You tried to turn back into a dragon but to no avail. Any effort you had in making the noises stop was futile until you regressed to a shaken mess.

Your eyes started to water as you gazed up at Morax through the glass. He stared back with discontent.

"M-Morax..."

You were wrong-- You were lied to.

Your assumptions and good intentions led you right into the dragon's trap. 

You weren't looking at Morax when he was grieving. You were looking at yourself through Morax.

The cold-blooded dragon did not inch closer to you when it rested. It did not take solace in the warmth and kindness you offered. The reason it drew near, the reason it wrapped itself around you, was so it could snare you-- trap you to become his.

It is hard to wake up someone who is pretending to be asleep. And Morax had one eye open this entire time.

With how you ignored his affections for you, perhaps you were pretending as well.

Humans, dragons--- they're no different. All are filled with greed and unadulterated obsession. You never would've thought that a day would come that being shunned by humanity would be more enticing than receiving affection from a fellow dragon. There is no doubt that refusal will end with a terrible fate.

Because divine beings don't truly kill their enemies, they break them.

And you can't turn back to your original form.

You felt like vomiting.

The noise. It's getting louder 

They kept clinking. 

Clanging.

Clanking.

You could no longer hear your own thoughts.

"Make it stop."

 You gritted your teeth as tears start to blur your vision. 

You kneeled. 

Your nails are dug through the shell of your ears. 

You feel blood on your cuticles.

"MORAX MAKE IT STOP DAMNIT!!!"

You were sobbing. You were trembling.

He only looked down on you.

You can't tell what the scowl on his face meant from all the noise.

He left and robbed you of your only view of the outside world.

"MORAX!!! MORAX COME BACK!!!!"

He left you there for two hundred years. Trapped in the shell of the mortals you hated and the sounds they created.

------------

"And so, the terrifying Bakunawa was sealed away for trying to seal our moon! Legends spoke that they had fallen asleep and never reawakened when Osial recently reemerged, but a recent theory emerges from the sea…"

His hooked listeners leaned forward with anticipation, including Zhongli.  

"Theorists believe…

That Bakunawa had escaped, and roams Teyvat to this day!"

You laughed.

Your laughter was as misplaced as a joke told at a funeral, but you cannot help it. It was so surreal. The proclamation had you shaking in your seat, holding back tears. You could just die laughing from these hysterics. Your face felt numb. The audience looked at Zhongli's once elegant and composed lover reduced to nothing more than a mere maniacal madman. 

It was loud. It was jarring. It was eerie.

Zhongli held your hand to "fix you" and you stilled, but not without a final cackle.

Escaped? What an optimistic assumption! Morax took pity after watching you shrivel up in fear for two centuries. There was no means of escape from a domain created by Lord Guizhong. They all label you a traitor and now they think of you as a miracle worker. Can't they pick a side?

"(Y/n)." Behave yourself. That was a command.

You gave him a taunting look. Your face urged him to 'Go on. Call me by my real name' and he grunted.

"Pfft… Ah, my apologies, my husband," You waved your hand dismissively. Your hands were still jittery, and a few laughs managed to escape your lips. "Clause III, isn't it? I forget that I had come dangerously close to losing it. Do forgive me, everyone."

His grip tightened. Ah, right. You shouldn't mention your "freedom" contract in public.

"Clause III?" The boy behind you shared hushed whispers with his mother.

"… Do you not believe such stories, Mx. (Y/n)?" The storyteller spoke in low tones. "What do you find so joyful about such an alarming tale?"

Ahh, what a lark. You grinned briefly. Such manner of speech does not faze you.

"Oh no, quite the contrary sir I find it to be quite believable!" No man would ever believe such a reply. "Do tell-- What happens next?"

"W-Well," Iron Tongue Tian fixed his collar. One could argue that it was due to the summer heat, but you know better than that. "The tale ends here for today, if there is any more progress, I shall indulge everyone with the next chapter!"

"Oh no! We can't have that now can't we?" You looked around with a faux troubled expression. They stared back at you with varying degrees of discomfort.

Zhongli glared. "(Y/n)."

You sauntered to the stage and patted the storyteller's shoulder.

"Don't worry folks. I, (Y/n), shall continue this tale."

"(Y/N)!"

Zhongli called out to you, louder than before.

The earth trembled and clouds began to gather. Liyue Harbor slowly turned dim as the shades filtered sepia tones. The boy in the crowd held back tears, causing his mother to give you a dirty look. It wasn't just her, everyone looked at you the same way the mortals back home gazed at you.

With fear and hatred.

It was not (Y/n) they were meant to hate, but the true villain who sat with them. Your chest and eyelids felt heavy. But you were easier to hate as you tried to enlighten them with the truth.

Once again, Morax reduced you into nothing more than a blubbering, foolish villain.

The saying remains true. It is hard to wake up someone who is pretending to be asleep.

Finally, you turned to Zhongli with thin lips. He's already in front of you with a hand reached out. Perhaps the only reason why no one dared criticize you in public was because you were this respectable man's spouse. You bit your lip. Deep down, you had never been this upset in over five hundred years. You want to go home.  

They were quiet.

There were no pots nor pans nor screaming to be heard, but the silence was just as loud.

"Let's come home, darling." He whispered threateningly.

Home is where your wife was.

"How…" You took his hand and whispered to his ear. Your voice cracked and your grip tightened.

"How can I go home?"

Zhongli did not answer. Instead, he dragged you away from the crowd. Neither of you spoke until you reached your shared house.

"Get some rest."

For once, you complied without question, something Zhongli greatly appreciated. You had enough for today.

You simply nodded and entered your bedroom.

Without warning, Zhongli's arms wrapped around your waist from behind. You stared at it. Those hands. They never once failed to reach out to you, but you lacked the will to grasp them. You shut your eyes close. Maybe it's time that you hold them as Morax insisted.

Your hands lingered above his.

Perhaps it's time you pretend to fall asleep as well.

[asimplearchivist]

' 𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕘𝕒𝕫𝕚𝕟𝕘 '

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐕 𝐨𝐟 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄, 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊.

[𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓶𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓼𝓽'𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽] AO3 | SPOTIFY | PINTEREST summary ✴ ⤏ you find optimus musing about the past while surveying earth's celestial sphere. you try not to let your personal feelings impair your ability to comfort him. pairing ✴ tfp!optimus prime/reader | (past) tfp!optimus prime/elita one word count ✴ 9.9k a/n ✴ ⤏ everything happy always happens in the first season, sometimes part of the second season if you’re lucky. this takes place right before the omega keys arc hits full swing but right after optimus receives the message from alpha trion via the star saber. (around/between “legacy” and “alpha; omega”.) it’s the moment of serenity before the storm, you could say. ⤏ I've had this fic gathering dust in my drafts for years bc there should have been three more parts between it and 'yosemite falling,' but I'm updating my docs to word files in preparation to transfer everything off my old pc to a new one (which I haven't had a new pc in nearly fifteen years so I'm anxious as hell bc I don't handle change well but I'm also excited so???) and I figured 'what the hell, I'll go ahead and post it since I've been trying to clean out my drafts anyway. ⤏ the word ‘inamorata’ (italian, I believe) is legitimately perfect for optimus referring to elita one and you can pry that out of my cold, dead hands. t r y m e. (and yes, this also implies that optimus knows latin because he’s a giant n e r d .) ⤏ I also used lots of nods and references towards @ss-shitstorm’s backstory for op and elita in fortuna primigenia because she is optilita god. (the only striking difference is that ‘bee isn’t biologically theirs - they just kind of took him under their wing when he was still fresh off the press.)

Something was off.

You sighed softly and opened your eyes, taking in as much of the darkened hangar as you could before you yawned. The kids were sound asleep, as was the Autobots’ newest recruit (who had somehow managed to curl himself around the haphazard circle of sleeping bags and cots in a rather impressive imitation of a cat), and when you looked over you saw that Ratchet was still tapping studiously away at the main terminal, optics dimmed and distant as he worked. When your eyes adjusted you could see that it wasn’t the Iacon encryptions, but what appeared to be a personnel file. You saw a small picture of Smokescreen on the upper left-hand corner and figured Ratchet was either reading in on Team Prime’s most recent addition or filling out a medical file. Either way, it was way past the medic’s bedtime.

You looked back to the slumbering foursome, taking in how Smokescreen’s doorwings fluttered minutely in time with an occasional ex-vent. You smiled warmly at the sight. The newest recruit hadn’t quite found his place among the Autobot family yet, but with how well he got along with the kids you figured it’d be no time before he wormed his way into the elder soldiers’ hearts. You just hoped he wouldn’t take to Miko too much, because you’d sensed a mischievous streak in him the moment you’d found out he’d managed to convince Jack to pull a Miko.

It’d gotten Optimus the Star Sabre, but...that wasn’t the point.

The girl had wanted to hit off Smokescreen’s arrival with a bang, in the only way she thought suitable for someone who knew nothing about Earth - introducing him to slumber parties. He’d been all for the idea, jumping headfirst into the activities it entailed despite him not knowing a single thing that was going on. He’d loved the movies you four had picked out, and had picked up on the concepts and plots surprisingly quickly.

Ratchet hadn't been too enthused about all the ruckus going on, as one would expect, but Optimus had made it a point to soothe him when the medic would begin to grumble too loudly. It was a brief reprieve for the other Autobots, who’d been rather tense of late and needed a little night of fun, and it served to better acquaint them with their newest addition. Bumblebee seemed to get along with him fairly well, and Arcee seemed to regard him with a constantly exasperated but amused air. Bulkhead...acted amiable enough on the outside, but you worried about him. His near-fatal injury and subsequent recovery had hit him hard, and had hit his spirit harder. You’d thought to call Wheeljack to help lift the green ex-Wrecker’s spirit, but...you didn’t think the others would be nearly so inclined to welcome him back so soon after his day trip with Miko. And you’d seen the way Bulkhead’s demeanor would fall whenever he thought no one was looking - you hoped that he would bounce back soon.

You slowly sat up, being careful to make as little noise as you could manage as you slipped out from beneath the blankets and rose to your feet. You padded silently past the recharging Autobot, holding your breath when he twitched and made a soft noise. He settled down almost immediately after, doorwings flaring and closing slowly. It almost reminded you of a butterfly at rest.

You relaxed when you got closer to the main computer terminal, breathing out softly as you reached out and placed a hand on Ratchet’s pede. He jerked minutely under the unexpected touch, peering down until his optics found you. 

He ex-vented, straightening and returning his attention to the screen. “I’m almost finished. Go back to sleep.”

“You can finish it in the morning,” you murmured back, patting the warm metal beneath your palm affectionately. “A couple more hours of recharge than usual isn’t going to hurt you, Ratchet.”

He paused, his mouth pursing briefly, and you worried that he was just going to shoo you away and keep working. He surprised you by ex-venting long and low, hitting one last button and closing the file before letting his servos fall from the keyboard. 

“Fine,” he muttered, tone weary and all too telling. “Fine.”

You smiled gently. “Get some rest, you stubborn old mech. You’re going to need it if we’re keeping the overgrown puppy over there.”

He scoffed softly, but you didn’t miss the curve of a smile he was trying to hide. “You should as well. Who knows what diabolical plot Miko has devised for tomorrow’s activities.”

“I hope she doesn’t drag out the Monopoly board,” you muttered, smirking up at him. “We may as well kiss another Autobot goodbye.”

You shared a stifled look of amusement before you both cracked and chuckled.

“Sleep well,” he said, turning and walking quietly towards the open corridor.

“Sweet dreams, Ratchet,” you returned, watching him go. A sense of peace settled over you and you gave the hangar a visual sweep. Everything was quiet.

But...something still felt...off. You couldn’t put a finger on it, but…

Well, you were still a bit tired. You wondered if you could catch a few more hours with Optimus - you were already mostly awake, but being able to hear his spark whir and his engine rumble beneath his plating always helped soothe you back to sleep.

Read the rest of the oneshot here! :)

[mostly-mundane-atla]

Hi! Your blog is awesome. I don't know if I'm allowed to ask non-atla questions, so I hope this is okay. I'm working on a non-avatar ttrpg campaign that takes place both in a (fictional/fantasy) northern tundra region AND during a magical endless winter. The people in it aren't based on any specific culture but, given that they're successfully living in similar environments & have for countless generations, I want to draw as much inspiration & knowledge from real-life circumpolar cultures & native science as much as possible. Do you have any advice or even just fun, underappreciated ideas for winter tundra survival, things someone who grew up in a desert like me wouldn't think of on my own? If you need/want more direction: I'm particularly looking for clothing, shelters, resource gathering-practices for non-food (esp what kinds of resources would be valuable), as well as like, any fun details that evolve naturally in a culture that formed in the tundra that you'd want to see represented. I hope that makes sense ^^; Thanks so much if you decide to answer, have a good day either way <3

[I am SOOO sorry this took so long! Tumblr kept not saving my progress when i tapped "save draft" so i had to rewrite a few of these passages a few different times]

Don't worry about asking, friend, i get cultural questions all the time and i'm happy to share.

Note: my knowledge is almost entirely based on coastal tundra peoples with access to marine mammals. That's not to say it's impossible for people to live farther inland, just that it's not my area of expertise.

Clothing

Just about everything you wear is going to come off of a dead animal. This doesn't necessarily need to be the case if your fictional culture has a means of raising hardy livestock for fiber and a history of woven textiles, but even then skin clothes are warm and generally quite hard-wearing and are a good fit for living in these circumstances.

This amount of fur means lice are a perpetual problem. If you want to make that an immersive part of the game, you can work in a mechanic for checking scalps and clothing and bedding for lice.

Bird skins can also be used for clothing and waterfowl specifically has the benefit of water resistance. Fish skin can also be used for similar properties. Animal intestines can be made into a waterproof material if sewn with sinew and soaked before finishing.

On that note i'd recommend making a list of available animals and what qualities and textures their skins and furs have. Even if you don't intend on being incredibly descriptive with clothing, it's something better to have and not need than need and not have. And if you do anything else creative in a similar setting you have your nifty little source to consult.

When it comes to the actual construction of the clothes, you want a loose fit. Trapped air ia a great insulator and you want clothes to be easy to move in. Another benefit for loose-fitting upper body garments in cold weather is you can pull your arms in and keep them by your much warmer core. Not only will this option keep you comfortable, it can also prevent muscle injury or getting frostbite

Mittens can be worn on a string yoke. This doesn't have to be exclusive to children either. Wind can pick up out of nowhere and lost mittens means fingers exposed to arctic cold which can mean gangreen and amputations down the line.

Swimming or running to deliver a message may involve stripping nude, even in cold. Clothes soaked in water or sweat are deadly in the cold.

Clothes may be stored in bags outside when not in use. The low temperatures can kill bugs and bacteria. On a similar note, boots and coats are best to be hung to dry as soon as one is indoors for the day. This may mean it's normal for people to be topless indoors.

Boots should never have holes or tears. Frostbite and resulting gangreen is already bad enough but you especially do not want it on your feet

Shelter

You're going to want dwellings to have as few rooms and windows as possible and small doors. The fewer walls you have, the easier it is for heat to circulate throughout the whole dwelling. You'll probably want one room separating the door and where you sleep. Remember: trapped air is a great insulator.

The culture I've reconnected with is semi-nomadic so the permanent houses are not always occupied and a village can seem abandoned when it's just on its "off season". You can take that or leave it depending on what you're going for.

Even if the dwelling is not a tent, you're probably still going to have poles serving as a supporting frame.

Sod houses are common due to the availability of sod (the grass and the dirt its roots are tangled in). Tents made of warm, waterproof skins (like walrus skin) are also an option.

An easy way to insulate such a dwelling is to build a wall of packed snow around and fill the gaps with loose, airy snow. This traps air the same way down feathers do.

Non-Food Resource Gathering

While I imagine you meant obtaining resources outside of hunting, in a tundra or tundra-like setting, a lot of your resources are going to come from dead animals. Your garments and shelters and bedding are likely to be made of animal skins, with hollow and/or fluffy fur for warmth, or smoked intestine or fish skin, sewn with tiny stitches and soaked to keep everything flush, for waterproof boots and overlayers. Antlers and tusks are good carving materials for things like spoons and closures and slabs for armor and handles and also talismans and smoking pipes and beads and art. Baleen is good for art too, as well as boot soles and smaller sleds and beautiful baskets. Sinew and rawhide are good for thread, ties, and rope. Bones have a near infinite amount of uses from tiny wing bones to make sewing needles to huge whale bones used to build houses.

For the purposes of working this into a roleplaying game, i'd second the recommendation of keeping a list of animals in your universe and their properties, as well as the things that can be gathered from or made of them. A sort of crafting recipe guide would allow all kinds of quests and sidequests.

There are, of course, non-animal resources to gather for non-eating purposes. Soapstone is the traditional material for oil lamps. Grasses can be woven into baskets for any number of purposes, including supports to give the uppers of one's boots more structure. Wood, in the form of slices of tree trunks, can be hollowed out into bowls and small tubs and buckets or, as logs or slats, can make up flooring. Sturdy branches can be used for frames in houses, boats, and drums, and tree resin makes both good glue and antibiotic salve for closed wounds. Sod, also called turf, makes a good building material and moss is exellent insulation in boots. You can make a list of these too, if it helps.

If your fictional culture has a strong tradition of metallurgy, then they'd also mine for metal that can be used for knives. If not, slate is another option that requires significantly less fire. You could even have both and make the metal a status symbol.

Fun Details to Represent

There are so many lovely little things that show up in arctic cultures

First, a gift economy. Where a cash economy relies on a fairly individualistic culture where you work for someone else to earn capital and exchange that capital for goods and services, a more collectivist and interdependent culture natural to the harsh conditions of the tundra tends to result in a gift economy. The currency in a gift economy, to perhaps oversimplify, is favors. Someone does you a good turn, you remember that, and when you're in a position to help, you return the favor. Usually this means basic material things like hospitality and food, but the "gifts" exchanged can also be luck! King Islander boys would often wish hunters setting out at dawn good luck, with a slab of driftwood as a token of that luck, and if the hunters were successful, they'd give the boys who wished them luck a share of their catch. I believe it was Frank Ellana who remenised that this was what the world was like before money.

Another thing that would be nice to include is parenting practices considered fairly gentle to a Euro-American perspective. Physical punishments are traditionally treated as abuse and scolding a child is not only seen as wrong but something an adult ought to be ashamed of. Discipline is instead a series of moral lessons, teaching children why what they did was wrong and using stories as examples of the consequences. Given the amount of stories about the dangers of abusing a spouse or child, i'd say a lot of these lessons were proactive and preventative. Knowing someone will be hurt by it is considered enough of a deterrence to stop bad behaviors. Traditional potty training, for example, is also gentler in comparison; starting at a younger age (about six months) with more emphasis on praise and encouragment than routine. The goal here is to teach the baby to signal when they need to go so they can be taken out of mama's atigi and relieve themself in a hygenic manner instead of holding it until they get permission. Even our take on kissing is based on inhaling instead of pecking with the lips. This kind of gentleness is usually overlooked to instead focus on the badass hunter image or overall "cuteness" so it would be nice for it to be referenced.

Oral histories would be pretty neat too. I think the idea of learning to be a historian of oral histories is an interesting one and i think it has a lot of potential plot hooks for an rpg.

That's all i have for now. Sorry for the delayed response time. Happy gaming, and i'm always up for further discussion if you would like ^-^

[imwall-e]

W&TWS || Doubts

Summary : He is a super-soldier of more than 100 year old, struggling to find a place in this new world. She is a young student of 23, struggling with life. But they know they can find comfort and help in each other.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings : a bit of angst and anxiety, also fluff and always Bucky being the best

A/N : I am back to writing this fanfiction. It is more a journal to me, but it feels good to write like that and to share the story of Bucky and Willow. I hope you love it !

Series Masterlist

May 10th 2021

The exams had started the week of her birthday. Willow had barely revised, but was still doing her best to answer the questions and write good essays. She had a feeling, however, that it wouldn't be enough, but she was at peace with that. After all, this degree no longer suited her. All she had to do was make a decision: try her luck at the catch-up exams (because yes, she would definitely have to go), or give up altogether.

Strangely enough, her reflections led her to William. They had only been dating a few months, and she had taken just as long to get over what he had done to her. The wound still hadn't completely healed. A new question came to mind: was it a good idea to start a relationship with Bucky?

True, they had only exchanged a kiss, but perhaps everything was still moving too fast? Perhaps she needed to take her time? She wrote down all her anxieties on the paper she'd used for drafts, and promised herself she'd tell Bucky about them the next time they called.

He had gone back to New York a few weeks earlier, and it was difficult for them to communicate. She knew that a long-distance relationship wouldn't work in the long term. Especially in two different time zones.

She didn't want to get too attached like in her previous relationships. But Bucky seemed so kind. So thoughtful. However, bad times in the past forced her to be wary of many things, and many people. Even Bucky.

The teacher supervising the exam indicated that there was still an hour to go before the end of the exam. She glanced at her paper: barely four pages... She sighed, gathered her things, handed in her paper and went home.

The journey seemed long. Longer than usual. When she arrived, she was greeted only by her dog Dino. Her mother must still be at work. She took the opportunity to relax a little: take Dino for a walk, have something to eat, continue reading a book. Around 6pm, she took a shower and fell asleep a few minutes after getting into bed.

May 11th 2021

When she woke up, it was past midnight. The house was quiet. Her bedroom door was closed, probably by her mother who had preferred to let her sleep in. She reached for her phone and was blinded for several seconds by the brightness.

A few notifications from her group of friends told her that she wasn't the only one who had failed the exam. Dysariel's plan was holding up, which surprised none of them, after all he always got the best marks.

However, it was two other notifications that caught his attention. They were from Bucky:

Bucky Bear At 10.30pm: Hello Sunflower, I hope your day went well and that you managed to pass your mid-term. Give me your availability for tomorrow, I want to call you for your birthday. At 00:00: If my clock in New York is telling the right time for you, it's time for me to wish you a very happy birthday, my Sunflower. I haven't heard from you, so I assume you've fallen asleep. Thinking of you. PS: I also have a surprise for you that should arrive later today.   Sunflower At 00:15: Thank you, Bucky Bear! I'll be available from midday. I don't have any exams in the afternoon. Do I get a hint about my surprise? I'm thinking of you too. Bucky Bear  At 12:16am: Sorry, but if I tell you, it won't be a surprise! I've got to go to one last meeting. Go back to sleep, you need your rest. I can't wait to see you again.

His messages made her smile. He hadn't forgotten her birthday. He was going to surprise her. She had to concentrate on the positives. She wished she could go back to sleep now, but she knew she wouldn't be able to. So she grabbed her computer, plugged in her headphones and started watching videos. 

She was woken up by her seven o'clock alarm, just two hours after going back to sleep. She nearly fell asleep on the train journey to university. 

This morning she had an English grammar exam from nine to noon. However, she already knew that she would get out early because it was the subject she had mastered the most. Two or three exercises were more complicated and she could guess that she wouldn't get all the points. The most important thing was that she would at least pass the subject.

Zephyr, Dysariel, Axel and Ophélia went out more or less at the same time as her. They stayed another hour to eat together at one of the local fast-food restaurants. They talked about everything and anything. And Bucky.

"So," asked Dysariel, "how are things going with your handsome soldier?"

"Fine," replied Willow, blushing. I'm just a bit scared..."

"Of what?"

"That it's going too fast. Besides, the age difference is great, I mean he's over a century old."

They laughed together and all advised her the same thing: they were sure that what was between her and Bucky was special, but she had to take her time and think about her well-being.

Then came the time to go home. Zephyr went first, his parents being stricter about his going-out times. Then it was Ophélia's turn, as she had almost two hours by train to get home. Dysariel had things to do and wanted to revise for the hardest exam on Thursday: US history. Axel and Willow were the last to leave.

They had barely taken a few steps out of the main building when Axel remarked to Willow, "Look who's here." Indeed, Bucky was coming towards them, in a superb black suit. "I've got a train to catch and I think you deserve some time with him. Happy birthday again and see you on Thursday!" Before Willow could reply, Axel had already crossed the pedestrian crossing. When she turned her head towards Bucky, he was standing next to her, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands.

"Happy birthday, Willow. I hope you don't mind that I came unannounced, I definitely wanted to surprise you." He looked tired but happy to see her again. As for her, she couldn't say a word because she was so surprised. She could only throw herself into his arms.

He held her close. Her long blonde hair smelt of monoi, the scent they both associated with summer. Bucky could already see himself taking her on holiday to the beach, or to New York to meet the people he considered to be his family.

Together they got into the car. "I was thinking we could go for lunch somewhere?" Bucky suggested.

"We've already eaten with the others. Maybe tonight?"

"Yes, of course. Say, I've booked a hotel room for the week, at the park where we spent our first date. We can also spend the day there tomorrow. Are you interested?

"Why not."

Bucky noticed that Willow didn't seem as cheerful as usual. He gently stopped the car at the side of the road, and turned to her, "Is everything all right?" Worry showed on his face and Willow couldn't help crying. There was the stress of the exams, the happiness of seeing Bucky again, the fears that were interfering with her thoughts.

So she told him about all the doubts she had about their relationship. She apologised several times. Bucky took her face in his hands: "Willow, look at me. It's all right, I'm not angry with you. Unless you never want to see me again, we'll take our time. We'll go at your pace. I promise you that. Now, I just want to know if we spend the afternoon and tomorrow together, or if I drop you off at your place?"

"I think I'm scared because of what happened with my old boyfriends."

"Willow, you don't have to tell me about it. Only do it if you want to or if you're ready."

"I am."

"Then we'll talk about it, but let me take you out for dessert. I know when you get really anxious and it calms down, you get hungry right after."

The fact that he remembered little details like this warmed her heart, and a big smile lit up her face. Bucky started the car again, one hand resting on Willow's thigh. Willow put her hand on his. She was already feeling a little lighter.

I hope you love this chapter, I'm writing the next one ! Do not hesitate to like, comment and reblog if you feel comfortable to do so !

[pastafossa]

The last day of 2023.

And holy shit has it been a chaotic ride, one which you all shared with me, or that's what it feels like!

The Major Moments:

Feb: Cato's cancer diagnosis and discovery of weird mutated cells that likely won't be explained until after he passes away. He's still with me, fortunately! No idea how much time he has left but I'm grateful for every second

April: a small leak in my dining room ceiling turned into a bigger leak which turned into a massive hole in the ceiling, at least it wasn't winter???

May: DD Born Again Photos give us all a goddamn heart attack

May: I FUCKING REACH MY OVERALL 1,000,000 WORD COUNT ON AO3. 🎊 🎉 🎊 Next stop is 1mill for TRT!

June: Went to my first con since Covid! Drove all the way down to Philly to see Charlie Cox, WHICH WAS FUCKING AMAZING, HE HELD THE RED THREAD FOR OUR PHOTO, MY FANFIC DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE, AND I TOLD HIM WHAT DD MEANS TO ME AND HE WAS SO NICE I COULD CRY

June: At that same con, I finally FINALLY got to meet my bff @wonderlandmind4 in person after many many many late nights of chatting, and we just CLICKED like we'd been friends for years, which I should have expected, but still! And then I got to meet a bunch of my readers, too! Best con experience EVER

July: enter Whoops Covid Finally Got Me After 3 Years But Charlie Was Worth It ™

July: Finally dusted off my draft of Pasta's First Dark Fic cause even if my brain was too fuzzy to write, I figured I could edit a bit. And I did! And was pretty happy with the results!

August: Shit Now There's A Long Covid Heart Issue And I Can't Be Seen Until Late November Thanks Covid ®

August: leak in the garage leads to me losing about 65% of all the beautiful, special woods pieces I'd gathered over the course of six years for carving. Within a week I am gifted a huge bin of wood from a kind soul at my local witchy shop

Sept: TRT's 6th anniversary!

Nov: I was slowly getting back into the swing of things, doing a bit of writing in between learning to manage whatever was going on with my heart (which we'll hopefully figure out in January when I get all the results of testing in Jan)

Early Dec, and the worst week of my life: mom got sick. Within one day she went from not feeling good to needing an ambulance. By the next day, she was in the ICU - flu induced double pneumonia that was interfering with her breathing and heart issues. And with one more day, she was put into an induced coma and ventilated, without any of us sure if she'd pull through. They told us she'd likely be under for two weeks, potentially longer even if she made it. The amount of messages and supportive comments I got from all of you, the talks I had with @wonderlandmind4 and @shouldbestudying41, just the general sense of having a community to help me means more than I can ever say as you all helped me through that terrible, horrible moment, even if it was just gently messaging me to remind me to try to eat.

Mid Dec: against ALL odds, Mom was off the ventilator in a week. By week 2, she was out of the ICU. By week 3? Off to the physical rehab center. She was there a grand total of 1 week before she was allowed to come home to finish her recovery. Early December was the worst moment of my life, and yet it was also bookended by the best Christmas of my life even if it was spent at the rehab center, because I got to have my mama back, and hug her and tell her I loved her and make jokes, and now she's home and we've been watching Christmas movies and eating grilled cheeses, and as far as I'm concerned, that's what the holiday is to me: not presents and snow and lights, but this moment, this time with her. 'In all the places you find love, it feels like Christmas.'

In just a few hours for me, it'll be 2024. I have no idea what to expect going forward, or even what to plan for, much less a resolution. I know I want to get back to TRT when mom's a bit better (she still needs a lot of help, understandably). I know there are wood carvings I want make; friends I want to visit; witchy events at my local shop I want to go to. But other than that... who knows? If I'm lucky, things will be calmer than this past year. But even if they aren't, at least I know I have dear friends, all of you, and my family, including Pasta Mama, to help me through it.

Goodbye, 2023. Hello, 2024.

[gyuswhore]

Request: Hiiii love your writing! I was wondering if you could do a brothers best friend au where (any member of your choice) is the younger brother of someone from the 95z line who’s friends with you. Maybe where (member) likes you but you don’t like him back in that way? soft rejection? IDK its completely up to you! Thank you and sorry if I didn’t follow your rules. - @beabeanice

I FOUND IT OMG i thought i accidentally deleted your request but it somehow ended in my drafts lmao

I made it a Jeonghan/Vernon dynamic hope that's okay!!

masterlist

***

There was little that Jeonghan kept from you; mostly because you were his best friend, but also because he found it difficult to shut up about anything.

So when you both come home from college for Christmas break, it doesn't take too long for him to finally put two and two together when he notices what his little brother's behaviour truly meant all these years.

Hansol liked you.

It took him nothing but dragging you to an empty space in stitches, barely getting the words out through his bouts of laughter.

"Han! HAN! Listen to me, for goodness sake" You shake him by the shoulders and get him to stand up straight "You will not say a word about this to Hansol, do you understand? He doesn't need to hear your stupid jabs at him, leave him alone"

"Oh?" you're met with an inquisitive stare, "Does this mean what I think it means?"

"Please, he's my little brother just as much he is yours, don't make this weird"

You left it at that, re-emerging in the gathering with a new filter for life. You had no idea how you were gonna handle this.

Hansol was treated all the same by you, a conscious decision you made to maintain nonchalance.

Despite that, you had begun to notice what Jeonghan was talking about, how minuscule changes in Hansol's behaviour were gone unnoticed by you. He would never meet your eyes, yet was always adamant that you stayed for dinner. How you'd find text messages from him asking for his brother, even though Jeonghan can find no missed calls or texts from him on his own phone.

One particular summer when you were home, Hansol announced he was going to a party while you and Jeonghan sat on the couch. It was fleeting, thinking nothing of it as you vaguely register the rev of his engine in the driveway.

It was way too late in the night when the doorbell rings. Both you and Jeonghan had passed out already, annoyed at whoever thought it was a wise decision to ring you at this hour.

Jeonghan could sleep through doomsday, so you reigned the energy to lift yourself off your awkward position on the couch before one of the sleeping parents came bounding down.

You exercised caution, peeking through the peephole as you find Hansol standing at the door.

Swinging it open, you notice very obvious wasted state and immediately ask him if he drove home.

"No, Seungkwan did, he's across the street" he mumbles, pushing himself off the edge and coming inside.

You drag him to the kitchen before he can go upstairs, attempting to give him a very resistant glass of water. He sips slowly, vaguely interested in the kitchen tiles.

"You're not gonna tell my parents about this, are you?"

You snort in response.

"You've been covering my ass for years, I'm not a snitch"

It's silent for a couple minutes as he takes forever to finish his glass of water.

"Can I tell you something?"

Smiling in response, you wonder if you could record whatever drunken confession he was about to make. For blackmail purposes, of course.

"You probably already know, but I guess you were gonna hear it from my own mouth at some point anyway"

He turns to you, suddenly sitting up straighter, a sudden air of maturity hits him, like it was a tool he needed to execute his next words.

"I've liked you for basically forever now. It was supposed to be a stupid crush on one of my brother's friends, again. But I guess you decided to stick around way into adult life"

He lets out a weak laugh before going back to the grimace he held. Empty and dejected despite the sick smile.

"Hansol..." you're not sure what you're supposed to say, added to his drunken-ness you decide to drop it.

"Let's get you to bed, hm?"

When he wakes the following afternoon, you're still in the house, helping out in the kitchen. It's silent except for the small talk you're making with his mom, as he grabs water and ice.

You find your opening when his mom leaves for a grocery run, not before patting Hansol on the cheek.

You can barely get a syllable in before he begins to speak.

"Listen about last night, I know I was drunk and stuff but...I meant it. And-"

"It doesn't have to mean anything Hansol. I get it, it happens, I'm not holding that against you. Besides, this doesn't change anything at all, you'll be seeing me just as much as you were before"

Shooting him a smile, you know what you're doing is indirect rejection. But one you deemed necessary, for your sake and his.

There's silence again as he mulls over the words you've just said to him.

"Yeah. Yeah, for sure"

There's another smile on his face, except this time it takes more courage to send.

[haveyoulistenedtothisalbum-poll]

Hello everyone!! We're looking to pick up possibly one or two mods to help with the workload, if anyone is interested! It's been a bit difficult to maintain 13 posts/day between the two of us, and with enough help, we should be able to maintain that queue rate or maybe even increase it a little! There's also some things that would be really nice to do if all of the time we spent dedicated to the blog wasn't just making sure the queue didn't empty out haha

If you're interested, please send an ask off-anon, and I'll DM you from my main when I can! If you don't allow DMs from your main, you can also give a different way to contact you as well in your ask! (Like the URL of a sideblog with DMs open!) Thank you !!

More info under the cut!!

The main modding responsibilities include:

Gathering album information into the planning spreadsheet.

Taking that information and drafting the posts to queue them.

Less importantly, helping keep track of links for posted polls and copying over the poll results.

These can largely be completed independently, aside from any obvious ordering restrictions (can't queue a post if you don't have the data put together), so if, for any reason, you're only able to do one of the first two on a temporary or even permanent basis, it would still be a lot of help.

In terms of technological requirements, all information can be accessed on websites free-of-charge, two require a (free) account to get access to the album images, and everything can be done strictly in-browser if needed. We do use Google Sheets for the planning sheet, but I don't think you need a Google account to edit/access it. I do not think this is something that is reasonable to do on mobile, so you would need access to a desktop/laptop computer.

I think things can be made considerably easier if you can use some non-browser programs. I personally use a Windows 10 computer + Firefox for my own workflow, but things aren't impossible without it for sure! There's always more than one way to do things. I have no idea what potential difficulties may occur for someone who is a Mac + Safari user, for instance. Oh! And in terms of communication, Discord is best, so it would be helpful if that's something you use as well!

Also we're all here to have fun so like this isn't a job much less a role with strict expectations, so it doesn't have to be like a primary responsibility for you or anything like that!

Also apologies if I take a bit to get back to anyone who does send a message! I'm multitasking between my job and some other obligations so I might not see any notifications right away, and I need to coordinate adding any new mods with my co-mod so there might be a bit of waiting involved unfortunately!! Thank you so much to anyone who reaches out though !!

[otomiyaa]

Thank you! ❤️

Omfg... The past 24hrs I received SO many sweet messages, DMs, comments etc. from a lot of you, I don't know what to say except thank you so much T-T!!

Hearing people say I made them feel comfortable about liking tickling, that I inspired them to make a blog of their own, and how much my writing meant for them....?!?! I'm speechless!😳

I won't be answering all messages separately but I HEAR YOU and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support! 🙏

Small update:

At this moment I'm still in thinking-phase of what I'm going to do with this blog. I'll stay active and keep indulging myself, that's for sure.

But actually, one of the reasons why I heavily hesitated about making a new blog, was because I knew I would be overwhelmed with the things to (potentially-) do, regarding:

My lost fics / drabbles, some of them around through reblogs. Do I want to give them a place on this blog, maybe a separate tag? Not decided.

ALL OF MY FRIENDS' WRITINGS, I was already way behind catching up on tktober fics written by my dear friends and beloved writers. Please know that if I don't interact with your posts it's not because I'm uninterested, but because I need time to catch up and also don't want to spam too much.

Gathering the things I commissioned again, and gifts from friends. Finding them won't be hard, but I might just reblog them gradually in random order.

Re-following (and blocking) peeps. Why do I feel so lazy about this haha.

Re-liking, Re-reblogging my fav things (not only fics, but also art, tickle scenes etc.) WHERE TO BEGIN.

All of my favorite non-tickle content to catch up on.

I'm thinking of a few easy tags I'm gonna use. I may still use #otomiya!writes for my own headcanons and old stuff I end up reblogging (if I choose to), and for the new headcanons maybe, but not sure yet.

My sideblogs. I won't reopen any of the sideblogs (mdzs, genshin) but I'm seriously considering reopening a 18+ sideblog again, I was having so much fun with that and my DRAFTS WERE SO FULL WITH JUICY THINGS I WANTED TO REBLOG. anyway, I can find those again hehe.

I'll first finish Tickletober, and then take my time and think of something :3

[crystalsnow95z]

Request:

Kk, I know it's rlly weird and specific, but I had this idea

1 of the members cooked a meal for Hobi cuz hes been too busy working on a song and hasn't been leaving his studio much to eat, and he gets food poisoning from it, but he down plays it until he gets back home trying to shower and gets so sick one of the older members need to help him wash up. I rlly love your stories w/the gentle washings ♥︎

I put my Playlist on shuffle and the first voice I heard would be who cooked for him. The first song to pop up was like crazy, making Jimin our cook.

Tw: emeto

Hoseok listens to the chorus for the sixteenth time after tweaking it once more, still feeling unsatisfied with it. There's something missing, but I don't know what.. maybe I need more adlibs? Or drums? I don't know..

Hoseok sighs, throwing his headset onto the desk and leaning back in his chair, running his hands through his hair. "This is so annoying..why can't I get it right? I wanted a demo by the end of the week.. I'll be too busy.."

Hoseok's stomach gurgles uncomfortably, reminding him that he hasn't eaten since breakfast. He picks up his phone, seeing three missed calls from Jimin. Aish, I was supposed to meet up with him a while ago..

Hoseok checks his messages, seeing two texts from Jimin.

Are you still in your studio?

Have you been in there since after our recording session Hyung?

Hoseok quickly replies to his messages, hoping Jimin isn't upset at him for forgetting about him.

I'm so sorry Jiminah, I completely lost track of time. If you still want to practice I'm still in my studio.

Jimin is relieved when he hears his phone go off seeing the notification of Hoseok messaging him back. He's overworking himself.. he got up early to work before practice and went right to the studio after we recorded the rough draft of the b side tracks..

Stay there, I'll meet up with you in the studio. I made us dinner since I figured you'd forget. Are you hungry?

Hoseok only takes a minute to reply back to him, making Jimin smile.

I'm starving. I only had rice and coffee today.. You're an angel. I love you.

Jimin gathers up the containers of food he prepared and puts them in his backpack, calling Hoseok to keep him company on his walk to the company building.

"Jimin." Hoseok uses a deep voice when he answers smiling when he hears Jimin hold back a giggle.

"J-hope.." Jimin mimicks him, pulling his hat farther over his face when he leaves the studio. "How are you? Is the song going well?"

"I'm so frustrated. I just can't seem to get this song right. I know what I want in my head, but I can't seem to replicate it.. I don't know if I can make it work.." Hoseok shares his concerns with the younger member.

"Maybe you need to take a break from it, hyung. It's not like you have a time limit or anything. You're gonna spread yourself too thin with the new group album dropping next month."

The two stay on the phone until Jimin reaches Hoseok's studio, the older member greeting him with a hug. "I'm sorry i didn't meet up earlier."

"I told you Hyungie, it's no big deal. I'm not worried about it, I'm only worried about you working so hard that you aren't eating properly." Jimin scolds him when he hears Hoseok's stomach growling.

"I know, I know.. I'm sorry. I totally lost track of time. Thanks again for making food.." Hoseok watches eagerly as Jimin pulls out containers from his bag.

"Do you want me to go warm it up for you hyung?" Jimin asks, but Hoseok was already picking up a container. "Guess not.." Jimin giggles, watching Hoseok eat his home-cooked meal. "Is it good?"

"Yeah, the meat is super juicy and the sauce is so good..i love it." Hoseok takes another bite. "After we eat I'll help you master the choreography. Okay?"

"Don't rush hyung. Enjoy your meal. We can always change it to tomorrow. I just wanted to be sure you ate. Hobi-hyung you're making a mess.." Jimin smiles fondly, getting a tissue to wipe some sauce from Hoseok's chin. I would've made more if I realized how hungry he'd be.. I'll just eat some rice and let him have the rest..

"No Jimin-ah, you need to land on your right leg. Like this." Hoseok demonstrates the part that Jimin messed up, his stomach sloshing from the quick spin biting his lip.

"Ah, I get it.. okay, okay.. let me try it one more time." Jimin restarts the song, quickly moving into position. Hoseok doesn't join in for this round, opting to watch while sitting against the mirror, wrapping his arm around his aching middle.

Why do I feel so sick? I was fine earlier.. just a little tired..was the chicken too greasy? Did I eat too much?

Hoseok quietly burps to try to ease the pressure in his stomach, but it only made him feel worse, a sour taste filling his mouth. He tries to stand to get water, but moving only made the nausea worse. Please..I don't want to throw up..

"Hyung i think I did it.. perfect this time!" Jimin pants, going to the camera to turn it off when he noticed Hoseok didn't do it. "Hyung?"

Hoseok turns his head to look in the direction Jimin's voice came from. "I'm sorry Jiminie, I spaced out for the last bit..I'm sure you did great."

"Are you okay Hyung?" Jimin takes a seat next to Hoseok, rubbing his shoulders. "You look pale.."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just tired, and I think I ate too much.. my stomach hurts.. I shouldn't have binged like that.. dancing after eating probably didn't help." Hoseok rubs his hand across his bloated belly, ignoring the nausea that bubbled up inside it. "Show me the practice video."

"You aren't feeling well?" Jimin frowns, forgetting all about the choreography. He places his hand on Hoseok's forhead, then his own relieved when he doesn't feel any difference."When did you start feeling sick?"

"Um.. When we were practicing the chorus.. the jerking movement before the jump..The movement made my stomach flip.. I think it's because I'm actually full, and I usually practice on a mostly empty stomach. It's no big deal."

"That was an hour ago Hyung. You should've told me.. we can always practice later if you aren't feeling well..you don't have to force yourself." Jimin scolds him softly, guilt making his own stomach flutter uncomfortably. I should've noticed something was wrong..I could've had him home resting by now..

"It's not a problem, Jimin-Ah. It wasn't a big deal. I'm fine I just need to sleep it off." Hoseok reassures Jimin, putting his hands in his hoodie pockets to be able to rest his palms on his stomach without Jimin noticing.

"I'll call us a cab.." Jimin gets himself some water while he waits for the company to answer, offering it to Hoseok after taking a drink.

Hoseok's stomach churned at the thought of adding anything else inside of it, pushing the bottle away with a little head shake. "I'm good..I just want to get some fresh air.."

"Sure Hyung. We can wait outside.." Jimin gently leads Hoseok outside, letting Hoseok lean against him while they walk. "You should shower and get to bed as soon as you get home.."

"Yeah... I will..don't worry.. I'm feeling a bit better now.." Hoseok lies, trying to get Jimin to relax. I hope i don't throw up in the taxi..

Hoseok sits in the shower, letting the water cascade down his back. He finished washing ten minutes ago, but his stomach refused to settle. I hate throwing up, but I can't keep fighting it..

Hoseok gets to his feet, using the wall to balance himself, the nausea hitting him like a freight train. The chicken Jimin prepared for him comes up all at once, spraying out of him, hitting the shower tiles. Sh*t...

Hoseok feels his stomach clenching again, another mouthful of sick coming up. 'Hyung.." he whimpers, falling to his knees when they buckle underneath them, tears stinging the corners of his eyes when he feels his stomach lurching again, the thick bile splashing around him. "Hyung!" Hoseok calls desperately as he tries to rise to his feet again, wanting to escape the smell that only made him feel worse. Hoseok forces himself to his feet and leaves the shower, kneeling on the ground in front of the toliet, gagging up another thick mouthful of sick.

"Hobi? Are you calling.. Aiggo.. Hoba.." Jin turns off the shower and gets a towel, draping it over the shivering rapper. "It's okay baby, hyung will take care of you.. I'm going to dry you off okay?"

Hoseok gripped the toliet seat, his body trembling with effort to keep sitting upright. "Hyung.." he whines as stomach pushes up another thick mouthful into the toliet. "It hurts.."

"It's okay, it's okay.. hyung is here now, just relax and let it happen, you'll only feel worse if you try to fight it baby.." Jin gently wipes the towel across Hoseok's body to dry him.

"I want it to stoo-urp..." Hoseok whines as he burps up another mouthful of sick, reaching for Jin's hand.

Jin rubs his thumb across his knuckles. "Hoba.. your hair is still coated with soap.. we'll have to rinse it.."

"I just want.." Hoseok's words are stopped by another heave, only foamy saliva coming up.

"I know, I know.. it'll be over soon, and then we'll get you cleaned, dressed and in bed. Okay?" Jin gently scratches Hoseok's spine, feeling the tension in his muscles as another heave comes.

"Is that Hoseok-hyung?" Jimin asks when he hears the sound, his stomach dropping when he sees he was correct.

"Jimin-ah get him some pajamas so we can get him dressed and in bed when he's settled down please?" Jin quickly sends the younger member away, knowing Hoseok wouldn't want Jimin seeing him like this.

"Yes hyung.." Jimin hesitates to move, eyes glued on the trembling rapper. Hoseok's face was completely hidden by the toliet bowl, Jin's hand on his chest holding him up.

"Jimin go." Jin uses a stern tone to get the younger moving. "And bring a water bottle too."

Jimin doesn't make Jin ask a third time, quickly going into the kitchen to get a water bottle.

"Is that Hoba in the bathroom?" Yoongi asks, making Jimin jump.

"Aiish! Hyung don't sneak up on me like that!" Jimin, close the fridge, sighing."It is.. Hobi-hyung said he wasn't feeling well earlier because he ate too much, but maybe it was the food i made.."

"He hasn't been eating much lately trying to prep for the new album.. he probably just overdid it. You're a pretty good cook Jimin-ah." Yoongi comforts Jimin, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You should bring the water to Hoba.. it sounds like he's settled down.."

"I..I'm done.." Hoseok whispers, falling backwards into Jin's chest, panting heavily. His muscles burned with each breath,overworked from the ordeal. "I'm...sorry..i..I.."

"Shh..Shh Hobi.. don't apologize to me.. just focus on catching your breath okay?" Jin speaks softly, wiping some soap from his forehead before it could drip into his eyes, careful to not make Hoseok have to move. I need to wash him.. hopefully he can stay up long enough..

"But..you're..s..s..soaked.." Hoseok says through chattering teeth, pulling the towel Jin draped over him closed for warmth.

"I don't care. It's just water." Jin hugs his shivering dongsaeng close to his chest. "Just take deep breaths..relax Hoseok-ah..it's okay.."

"I got a pair of pajamas and water hyung." Jimin enters the bathroom, the tightness in his chest loosening when he sees Hoseok stopped."Here Hobi-hyung.. take a bit of water, wash your mouth out." Jimin holds the water by his lips, letting him get a mouthful to swish around, the sickly member spitting it into the toliet. "Do you need any more help?"

"You can try to clean the shower up for Hobi. If you can't do it, it's no big deal. I'll get it after Hoseok catches his breath." Jin didn't want to let Hoseok go, and Jimin knew it.

I can't be squeamish now..hyung needs me..it's not a big deal..

"No, no I can do it." Jimin takes a deep breath, holding his breath as he opens the shower door, gagging at the sight, an acid tang filling his throat. He closes his eyes turning on the shower to try to wash as much as possible down the drain. "I'm okay."

"I'm sorry Jiminie.." Hoseok's voice comes out as a raspy whisper.

"No hyung, it's not your fault.." Jimin rejected his apology, speaking in a soft tone. It's mine..

"Finished.." Jimin says removing his gloves and throwing them in the trash, tying up the bag. His stomach fluttered uncomfortably, feeling nauseous from the smell that still filled his nostrils despite the fact he cleaned all the traces of sick.

"Thanks Jimin-ah.." Jin gently pokes Hoseok's cheek, the sickly member dosing off while waiting. "Baby I need you to move for me."

Hoseok sleepily blinks groaning when he tries sitting up. "I'm cold and it hurts to move..."Hoseok whimpers, feeling his muscles burning. "Hyung.."

"I know.. I know.. just bear with me a little longer, and you can sleep.. Jimin-ah, could you do one more thing? At the end of my bed, there's a heated blanket. Could you get it and plug it in for Hobi?" Jin asks softly, helping Hoseok move to the shower floor, removing the shower head.

"Of course. I'll get it." Jimin leaves, relieved to be given another task, taking the trash with him.

"I'm going to turn on the water okay?" Jin warns, not wanting to frighten his dongsaeng with the sound of the water. He checks the temperature before covering Hoseok's eyes, gently removing the soap from his body. "You're doing good Hoba.. just keep your eyes closed okay?"

Jin washes all the soap from his hair, then gets a bit of soap to wash the sweat that covered Hoseok, moving his hand across Hoseok in small circles. "Don't fall asleep.."

Hoseok tries to take shallow breaths to try to prevent further agitating his sore muscles. I don't think i could right now...

"Now one more rinse.." Jin sprays the water over his body once more before turning it off, removing his wet shirt before going to help Hoseok out of the shower.

The warm water felt nice on his chilled skin, but as soon as Jin turned it off the trembling started up once more. "C-Cold.." He whispers, hugging onto Jin.

"I know baby.. I'll get you a heat pack after we get you settled in bed.." Jin brushes Hoseoks hair away from his face, getting the towel to dry Hoseok as quickly as possible. "We're almost done baby.."

Hoseok nods, letting Jin dry his hair.

"Do you think you can sit up so I can get a shirt on you Hoba?"

"Yeah, yeah..I got it.." Hoseok slowly moves off of Jins chest, leaning against the shower door while Jin unfolds the button up, leading Hoseok's arms into the holes. "I'm sorry I'm being a burden.." he whispers while Jin works the buttons into their proper holes.

"Don't say such nonsense. You're not being a burden. You just need a little help, that's all." Jin sits Hoseok on the toliet, drying his legs."Let's finish getting you dried and dressed. I'll lay with you until you fall asleep."

Hoseok thought it was over after the one time, but he was wrong. Beads of cold sweat covered his body as his stomach cramps up, leaving his head swirling when he tries to sit up, wrapping his arm around his bloated middle as a wet burp comes, leaving a nasty film coating his mouth.

"J-jimin-ah.." Hoseok tries to call for his roommate, but his voice comes out as a small whimper. He knew if be tried to stand whatever was left in his stomach would come back up. "Jiminie.." he tries louder, the urgency in his voice waking up Jimin.

"Hyung..whats wrong?" Jimin's voice comes out as a raspy whisper, turning to his side to face Hoseok's bed.

Hoseok tries to speak, but he feels the bile pushing its way up his throat, his stomach releasing a high-pitched gurgle. "Nm..." he presses his palm over his mouth as another burp comes whimpering when he swallows down the sick that filled his cheeks. "Sick..Jimin-ah.."

Jimin instantly gets up when he hears the desperation in Hoseok's voice, blindly feeling for the trashcan in the dark, crawling onto Hoseok's bed when he finds it placing it in front of Hoseok just in time for him to heave into it.

Jimin runs his hands through Hoseok's hair, pulling it back so Hoseok wouldn't have to suffer through another shower. "It's okay, it's okay.. I'm here.. " he tries to say soothing things, his heart sinking when he hears the soft whimper followed by the splash of sick onto the plastic bag inside the bin.

He continued to dry heave despite the fact earlier he emptied everything he had in his stomach, nothing coming up but strings of foamy saliva.

Jimin goes behind Hoseok, letting him use him as support until his stomach settled down once more. "Are you done Hoba?"

"Mhm.." Hoseok hums deeply, clearing his throat. "I'm okay now.."

"Is there anything I can do to help? Do you want the heated blanket on? You want some water? Or-"

"I want to stay like this for now.." Hoseok whispers, turning on his side. He could hear Jimin's racing heart and feel his unsteady breathing on his forehead as he tried to calm down too. Being here with me is enough..

"I'll stay here all night if that's what you want.." jimin uses his sleeve to wipe the sweat from Hoseoks forehead. "But you have to let me lay down too okay?"

[speedofsoundsketches]

I like you’re shadow and jolt comic giving me insperstion to create my own comic with my oc and shadow tbh I pictured my oc and shadow doing the same as shadow and jolt which is giving me courage to do my own comic with them fancomic obviously but do you have any tips on how development of a comic would work how long did it take for you to plan the comic

I've been working on this comic for about five years this coming November. From the start of developing the story to when the first comics were posted, it was about a three or four month long period of early development.

To be honest, I'm never NOT developing the comic. Each update is sort of treated as a self-contained session and while I have a plan of how everything connects, you don't really know how it'll actually work out until you're making the pages themselves and piecing the puzzle pieces together to make it all coherent. If you go to my Patreon, you'll see all the raw, first drafts of my comics and how much they changed in the final pages.

The following are my personal tips but I highly recommend also reading this post by the creator of Lackadaisy on the same subject. I followed her example for my work a lot and thankfully she's open about her secrets. :)

Tip #1: Know what your End Goal is for your comic

A lot of eager hopefuls start with a strong passion for their stories and it seems clear in your head how it will pan out. Over time, your interest starts to dwindle, passion is replaced with procrastination, writer's block occurs and you wonder why this thing you loved so much has become a total chore.

This is often due to not knowing the overall POINT to making your comic at all. What's the theme? The message? What do you and your audience GET out of it?

Shadow and Jolt has a clear progression and ending in mind that all relates to the Themes and Messages I want to impart to my readers. Try dissecting your favorite Sonic stories (or any story in general) and analyze why you like them and what made them impactful to you. Determine their themes and messages then observe how each part of the story, character arcs and such were written to serve them. What were the creators trying to tell you or make you experience?

That's the difference between a story with intention versus one that's confused or directionless. Because even during writer's block, if you know what message you're trying to tell, it gives you a lighthouse to paddle towards and keep you from getting lost in the ocean of vague notions.

Tip #2: Script It Out!

Before I ever drew a single comic for Shadow and Jolt, the first thing I did to help me develop a more solid plan was to write scripts. Some were fully realized with dialogue and action sequences. Others were outlines to help me see the full picture from beginning to end.

I've written over 30 different scripts. Many are just a few pages each but some are about 50+ pages.

And guess what? Every single one of them STINK.

These are not my best work because they don't need to be. They're meant for playing around with character dialogues, motivations, relationships and manner of speech. If a script resonates with me enough, I'll try doing a draft of it in comic form to see how it feels on paper and continue tweaking things from there. It was such a horribly cliche story at first but it's ok because to determine what's wrong, I need to see it actually in front of me and not as some ethereal mess of images in my mind.

Tip #3: Gather, Research and Conceptualize

I cannot stress enough how much doing this has helped with this project.

References I used included the games I liked the most, their production history, interviews with Sonic Team, compiled images/inspirations I found around the internet, etc. I used all this material to strengthen the ideas I had so I could start drawing concepts.

Characters, vehicles, environments.... everything and anything gets concepts. Lots of sketches, sometimes with color. I've possibly gone through almost 10+ sketchbooks for just Shadow and Jolt alone. There were a lot of things that needed testing and fleshing out, especially because it's such a big project. (and I'm just one little ol' me ;-;)

From the beginning, the plan was that Shadow and Jolt would be based on the games so my research was spent digging into the entire timeline and reminding myself of what the games are about and how to capture their essence as close as I can. I'm not sure what setting you plan to base this story on but you'll have a different set of research to do if you plan to include things from something else like Archie, Boom or whatever.

Tip #4: BEWARE SCOPE CREEP

In game development, teams start by deciding on the full scope of the project and settle on what's going to be in the game. The team makes projections on how long it'll take to complete it, set deadlines and then move to act on it.

A few weeks into production, maybe you decide to add a new animated action for the main character. Maybe then you add in a new weapon that will require another full move set to program and animate. Maybe you want to add a new character that you came up with during lunch. Maybe you have a whole extra side quest that adds a whole new plot point that adds even MORE characters who all have unique functions and animations you'll have to make-

See how quickly that can happen? That's scope creep. You start adding way more than was initially planned, thus it ends up extending the time it takes to actually finish the project.

Obviously, it's less dire than a product meant for sale but the lessons are the same. With any changes you make, be mindful of how that's going to effect you getting the story done and if it even really adds anything to your End Goal.

Remember, you only have so much energy in a given day to dedicate to your comic. Manage it wisely!

Tip #5: Live life!

This is a bit of an odd one maybe but for me at least, it's super valuable.

I've mentioned in previous posts how real world experiences helped inspire my comic. Part of what makes Sonic's world feel so lived in is the dedication the team put into making each level feel that way! Sonic Unleashed is maybe the best example of this point. I feel that Sonic was made by people who not only wanted to make a fun game series but who use it to celebrate the actual act of adventure. Living life, seeing new sights, meeting new people, eating unique cuisine, you catch my drift!

Some of my best ideas came from having a lived experience. You won't be able to write authentic stories staying in a bubble of your own making. Outside of my fancomic, I like going on long walks, exploring places or simply hanging out with my friends. So my final suggestion for you is to live a full life and be inspired by it! Nothing beats reality anyway. :)

[mintacle]

So you want to make one of those neat little posts with the images and the texts that read like a poem and have an overarching theme, but you don't even know what they're called, let alone how to do them. This post is your sign from God (me) to make one because I love them so much and also some tips on what I do.

1. What are these things even called? these are called web weaves or web weavings and as far as I'm aware their pretty much only on tumblr rn.

2. What kind of things can I use? Literally anything. The more various your scources, the cooler. You can use peoms, books, lyrics. Paintings, Graphics, photos, stills. Messages, posts, asks, comments. I especially love to use posts or messages etc. that someone posted in a very mundane manner and elevating it with the web weave and acknowledging the poetry in our everyday life.

3. How do I put it together? I first gather all the material I want to use into one draft, then I rearrange over and over again and see what effect it has on me. The main method I use to judge whether I am satisfied with my web weave is if it has an effect on me. If not, then I rework it again and again.

4. But how do I even start my first one? So, I have a folder with close to 300pics of potential material for web weaves. My advice is to start gathering your own stuff, take screenshots of literally anything that makes you feel stuff. Keep your eyes open in the real world for graffiti or bathroom stall scribbles that make you feel something. Poetry is just words that mean more than just their content and that is present everywhere.

5. Should I title my webweave? I prefer to give my web weaves a title or short caption, because it makes it easier to understand the theme. Themes can be anything, from vague concepts like "love" or "guilt" to very specific things like "I wear headphones all the time because I was screamed at so much, I never want to be screamed at again, I need a voice screaming at me all the time." Art speaks for itself, but titles often still help your audience understand the register of your art to even know how to listen.

6. Sources. I'm really bad at this one. Try to take screenshots in which you include the source you got it from. It's good practice to list all the sources in order at the end of the webweave. But often I end up with webweaves of which there are at least half of the screenshots I don't even remember where I got from. The oy thing I think is absolutely inacceptable is using someone else's post or art without asking for permission and crediting them.

Ok, I can't think of anything else rn, but ask box is open (as always) and if anyone wants some pointers do not hesitate to message me either, I am crazy about web weaves and will absolutely support anyone who wants to try their own hand at one.

[classpectpokerap]

tentacleTherapist [TT] has begun pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]. TT: Hello, Rose. TT: Hello? TT: Damn, no chronological markers. One of few genuinely good Alternian inventions. TT: I'll just change my text color. TT: Okay. TT: Well, suffice to say, I'm you, from the future. And I have a very important message to convey. TT: Ah, of course. Because what I needed today was another alliterative personality describing my future, clad in viridian. TT: Have you and GG considered that I am obstinate on this matter? TT: Whoever you are, I simply do not wish to glean my future from colored text. TT: Pleasingly green as it may be. RL: I'm changing my chumhandle. Wow, I forgot how much of a shit I was at thirteen. TT: You're one message away from being blocked, "RL." Prove you're not a troll. RL: I'm from the future, and you've written the word "MEOW" on your walls. TT: Goodbye. tentacleTherapist [TT] has blocked roseLalonde [RL]. tentacleTherapist [TT] has unblocked roseLalonde [RL]. TT: What the fuck did you do to me? RL: And now you want to talk.

TT: "Want to" implies that I weigh my options and decide on a course of action, furthering my desires. TT: "Want to" implies a measure of consent that simply does not exist. TT: Through conveying a short message to me, you either covered my walls in garbage lettering, or you made me aware of the existence of said lettering. RL: It's the latter. Go through your phone's photo gallery. TT: Phone? RL: Laptop, then. TT: I don't take selfies. That's Dave's thing, Rose. RL: Fuck. RL: Okay, more proof. Open your second journal. Not the Complacency draft. TT: How do you -- okay. RL: Jaspers' secret. TT: Yes. TT: Unsurprisingly, it is as I left it. TT: It... TT: God damnit. This matches my wall, does it not? RL: Yes. RL: The sequence starts at the top of the room, directly above the sketch of Beatrix. RL: Confirm it if you'd like. It doesn't matter much regardless. TT: It matches. Congratulations, Rose. You've got my attention. RL: No need to ascribe such aggrandizement to me. This wasn't supposed to be the hard part. RL: I'm sure you've already gathered that said hard part is Sburb. TT: Yes. TT: It is all anyone has spoken to me about all day. RL: Prepare for the rest of your life, frankly. TT: Oh. TT: Wonderful. TT: Are you exaggerating? I ask out of a frightened, confused hopefulness. RL: Not in the slightest. RL: It does at least become interestingly complicated, though. TT: I wouldn't have expected anything else. TT: Well? RL: Well, what? TT: What's the urgent message?

wip..... mostly using this an excuse to show off HOMESTUCK5PLUS

this was SO painless to format i literally just dumped it in and it spit this back out. insane

[maomao-words]

Hi, I'm sorry for bothering you when the request is closed but I hope you would read my request once it's open again. I was wondering if you could write about Tears of Themis boys with a MC who was being bullied (I mean like when in Vyn's story where she was sent bad messages) This is just my idea, it's fine whether you want to write it or not😄 Thank you very muchhh🙏🙏 By the way, I really love your writings😘❤️

Hewo my dear! I am finally opening my ask box again!

I tried to finish up responding to my oldest requests, but I realized I needed new inspiration in order to finish up what is left (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Thank you for liking my writings and I hope you like these just as much!

Prompts which inspired these headcannons: Here!

Trigger Warning: Bullying.

Tears of Themis: The boys reacting to MC getting bullied:

Marius von Hagen:

“Is it okay to hug you?” Marius whispered in a teary voice, hands shaking as he extended them toward you. You weakly shook your head in denial again.

Marius was at the brink of madness. It all started a few weeks ago, when the youth first noticed small signs of discomfort in your behavior. Your phone almost never ceased to ring and beep, even outside of work hours. Each time you hesitantly glanced at the screen, the color would drain from your face and your lips would tremble.

You first claimed it was a difficult case you were in charge of; one which was causing you too much stress. Marius did not believe you, not when your eyes appeared bloodshot every morning he came to pick you up, nor when you harshly flinched each time a stranger came too close to you.

Something was wrong, but Marius wasn't too worried. All he needed was a name, and the problem would be solved in a few hours.

And yet, you refused. You sat down in front of him and kept your mouth tightly shut. Marius asked for the person's name, profession, age, anything, calmly at first then more desperately as time ticked by. But you didn't budge. Not when Marius begged you, and not when traces of anger began to appear at his face.

Only when silence dominated the room, and you glanced up to see your lover crying, that you finally crumbled.

The man was a member of the Pax Group's board of directors. You told Marius as he held you between his arms. You didn't know what he wanted, only that he kept pushing you over the edge, hoping that you would do something to ruin your partner's reputation and start a scandal.

“Just look at me. Forget everything else.” Marius' arms tightened around your waist and you closed your eyes in relief. You didn't see the sinister look on your lover's eyes in that moment, a look that promised vengeance for touching his most precious person.

Artem Wing:

Artem's face was calm. His eyes, gentle and familiar, gazed at you lovingly from across the office desk even after he pushed the most hideous of legal papers toward you.

You stood there speechless, re-reading the papers in you hands for what felt like the millionth time already. The papers seemed formally neutral, written in your lover's usual objective and highly professional style. But the words themselves spewed hatred at and promised vengeance in the most subtle way possible to the client who has been harassing you for the past few weeks.

You shook your head helplessly as you felt tears of relief gathering behind your eyelids. Your nightmare was finally going to be over.

You never told Artem. You hid the countless messages, threatening phone calls, and perverted letters arriving at your house from him. Of course you trusted Artem. He was your reliable superior and mentor, tender lover and soon to be husband, but you knew how important this client was to the firm.

You knew how happy Celestine and Artem were when this high-ranked politician drafted a contract with your firm, promising a steadfast support. The chance everyone was waiting for was finally here. The firm would be able to expand much further, more workers could be hired, and better wages would be available.

But one word from you could make everything crumble.

So you held your tongue and did your best to hide your discomfort and pain.

Now, as Artem held you between his arms as you began to sob your heart out, you finally felt at ease. "It's okay," Artem's gentle voice echoed near your ear, "You don’t have to be strong all the time. I can fight for you once in a while.”

Vyn Richter:

“Seeing you like this and not being able to help – it breaks my heart.”

The words were gently whispered in Vyn's calm voice. The cup of tea in your hand was warm, with white petals swimming at the bottom. The sunlight was bathing the living room in its gentle rays. A quiet melody could be heard in the background.

A sole tear escaped your eye. You put down the cup and slowly walked toward your lover. His arms were already open for you.

Vyn knew. He knew you were being harassed. He knew the culprit, a middle-aged woman whose son you defended in court a while back, and he knew how much she blamed you for her son's imprisonment.

But Vyn was unable to act. You refused his offer to report her on your behalf and you did not attempt to solve this issue by yourself. You were trying to accept the mother's grief and sorrow, hoping that would make her feel better. What good imprisoning her would do? you weakly told him.

Vyn was aware of all of this, and try as he might, he was unable to go against your wishes.

But things went too far. You no longer smiled freely as you used to do. Your rest and comfort were always interrupted by endless streams of calls and messages, pushing you further and further toward the edge. You were losing yourself.

You hid it all from him to the best of your abilities. But Vyn was as relentless as you. He was always there, distracting you from the pain for as long as he could, offering warm cup of teas, delicious dessert, and tender hugs whenever you got home.

But Vyn wanted you to heal, even against your wishes. He wanted you to put yourself as a priority above everyone and everything else. All you have to do was be happy. He can shoulder your guilt in your stead.

Luke Pearce:

“Hey, listen to me. You’re safe. Nothing is going to hurt you.” You nodded at your lover's tender words and buried your face deeper into the crook of his neck. The nightmare was almost over.

When the bullying and harassment first began, a few weeks ago, you calmly accepted it all and hid everything from Luke.

Oh, sweet, sweet Luke. If he ever knew the culprits, the two young men will disappear before a day goes by. But you didn't want that. You had a case to build, and allowing yourself to be their victim would only solidify your claims in court.

So you concealed it. You shoved the twisted letters at the bottom of your underwear drawer, and shut off your phone whenever your lover was around. Everything was calculated. All but the weight of all the venom spewed by the two men which, despite all of your effort, started to take its toll on your mental health.

Your temper started to get worse and your mood swings escalated. You felt suffocated. You had to endure it all without telling anyone until sufficient evidence was gathered and a court session was established. You had to do it. Not only for your own sake, but for the sake of all of the young women before you, who were harassed endlessly by these two monsters in human skin.

But all along, you have underestimated Luke. He wasn't just someone close to you. He was family. He was a soulmate. He was everything to you.

Luke understood what you wanted to do. He waited for you.

So the night where every proof was collected and all was settled, you found him waiting for you, arms open with a tender smile in tow. No words were spoken between you as you bathed in the warmth of Luke's unconditional love and affection.