#what in the sweet bejesus

[manlikejimbo]

You know how the alexa will just play recommended songs after it finished playing the one you asked for? Well, i asked it to play ‘DBSAC’ by The Oozes. Upon finishing this song, tell me why this mf decided to play the fucking coffin dance…

[eek-a-tron]

CATWOMAN & CROC WERE ROOMMATES

From Catwoman: Lonely City by Cliff Chiang

[imaginespazzi]

Part 6: Leaps of Faith

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 7

I hope that you catch me, cause I'm already falling (you put your arms around me and I'm home)

(In which a writer who can see the end approaching starts building towards that ending)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst and Fluff

Words: 8.0K

TW: Swearing, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Good evening my lovelies <3. Happy Sunday and Happy Mothers day! First of all, I wanna thank y'all for being ever so patient with me. I know I've been pretty bad about updating lately and y'all have been so sweet with your asks and I really appreciate it. This fic is very close to its end. I probably could have ended it with this chapter but there's a very specific ending I want to write so this one is more of a self-indulgent filler but I think y'all will like this one. There will be one more chapter and then an epilogue of sorts. Once again, there are most likely logistical inaccuracies. I'm not even gonna lie, the editing on this one is shoddy so there are definitely grammar errors/typos. For now, ignore them and I'll go fix them later. As always, even if we're near the end, feel free let me know what you liked, what you didn't and anything you'd like to see before we get to the end. Have a wonderful week my angels <3

April 2024 

“It’s a little early for ice cream hon,” Azzi jumps at the sound of her mother’s voice, startled eyes following the direction of the noise to find Katie leaning against the kitchen door, with a raised eyebrow. 

“It’s a little early to scare the living bejesus out of me mom,” she says with a hand to her chest. 

If possible, Katie’s eyes roll even further at her daughter’s sarcastic tone as she makes her way over to the kitchen counter. She’s gotten herself a spoon and everything, ready to steal some ice cream for herself, when she notices the flavour. Next to her, Azzi stiffens. 

“You hate mint chocolate chip Az,” Katie says quietly. 

“I couldn’t find the strawberry ice cream,” Azzi defends stubbornly, her face taking on a guarded expression. 

Katie walks over to the freezer, opening it and pointing at the strawberry ice cream, Azzi’s favourite, that’s sitting in plain sight, “it’s right there.”

“Well,” Azzi splutters, “I’m trying something new,”. 

“You hate trying new things.”

“I’ve grown up I guess.”

“Azzi.”

“Mom.”

“Azzi, why are you eating ice cream you hate at 4 in the morning?” Katie finally asks in her best mom voice, sighing when she gets a mumbled response from her daughter, “in words Az, please.”

“Paige likes it,” Azzi admits slowly, and before Katie can say anything, before Azzi can dwell on what she’s said, she launches into a rant, “god knows why. Actually I know why because she’s stupid and weird and likes the dumbest shit. Who the fuck likes mint? Who the fuck likes mint and chocolate together? Gross. This shit is disgusting. It tastes all wrong. Paige is just-,” Azzi throws her hands up in the air, “she just doesn’t understand that some things don’t belong together. They can’t. They’re too different and it just- there’s a fucking balance to things you know? And she just- she doesn’t get that. It’s just- it’s not meant to be.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re eating it right now,” Katie says carefully. 

“Because I miss her,” the truth bursts out of Azzi like an erupting volcano, burning itself into every crevice of her skin, “because for some fucking reason I don’t hate the taste of mint chocolate chip. Because maybe they do go together and maybe I’ve been the stupid one this whole time.”

Since she’d stepped out of the hotel in Cleveland, all Azzi could think about was going back, saying fuck it to all the useless logic she’d come up with and going back to the only thing in her life that had ever made sense her Paige. But as it often did in that clichéd battle between head and heart, her head had won out. And she’s never questioned why her head wins so much, why she’s always chosen to listen to the practical side of her brain, until now. Until now when the urge to turn back time, to make herself stay in that hotel room, is all that’s consumed her for the last week. 

“Azzi,” Katie wraps her arms around the younger girl, “what happened with you and Paige?”

Azzi hesitates for a second and then everything’s spilling out of her lips, the good, the bad, the inbetween, all of it tumbles out like an uncontrollable waterfall. There’s something freeing about being able to say it all out loud, something freeing about the tears Azzi finally lets roll down her cheeks. She grips the edge of the counter to keep herself from keeling over, starting to feel herself crumble under the heaviness of all these stupid feelings. 

“It shouldn’t be this hard,” Azzi whispers, “we used to be so easy.”

“Oh Az,” Katie rubs a thumb against her daughter’s cheek, “you used to be kids. You’re all grown up now. It’s always harder when you’re older.”

“Well, I don’t like it. I just want to be the way we were again.”

“So why don’t you?” Katie asks like it’s the most simple solution in the world and Azzi shoots her mother an exasperated look. 

“What do you mean? How do we even do that? We can’t be just friends again. We tried. Were you not listening at all?”

“Azzi, sweetheart, you’ve never been just friends.”

“That’s not true,” it’s a futile attempt at arguing against what’s become more of a fact than an opinion in Azzi’s life. It’s a truth she’d let herself acknowledge once and then buried deep within her, scared that once unleashed, it would ruin everything. Except, it turns out, even without it, things had still turned to dust.  

“Do you remember when you came home from Minnesota that first summer with Paige? You were either moping around or you were on call with her. There was no in between. It got better eventually, the moping stopped but the calls? I think you fell asleep on facetime with her almost every night. And you were tired every morning after, you barely had time to eat before school but every time I suggested that maybe you cut back, that was never an option,” Katie smiles fondly, “it’s when I knew.”

Azzi does remember, remembers talking about everything and nothing, remembers laughing and crying, remembers when Paige’s breathing was the only lullaby that could relax her into sleeping. And she remembers battling with that voice in her head, the one convinced there’s something more, silencing it with I’d do this with anyone. But that wasn’t true then and it’s not true now because Paige has never been just anyone, never been just a friend. Because even if Azzi’s never been brave enough to say it out loud, Paige is and has always been everything.

Despite knowing the answer and maybe dreading it just a little bit, Azzi asks it to her mom anyway, “what did you know?”

“That she was your person. You were too young, I couldn’t call it love just yet but I knew Paige was different then, she was yours in a way none of your other friends were. You were different around her,” Katie nudges her daughter, “Azzi you’ve always been just a little bit in love with her and she’s always been just a little bit in love with you too. The two of you have just been a matter of time.”

Azzi closes her eyes, and unlike other people, she doesn’t see darkness or little spots of light, she just sees Paige. Her mother’s words wash over her, like acid in her self-inflicted fight the feelings wounds and yet, the idea of she’s loved me too feels like a band-aid being delicately placed on the scars of her heart. 

“And place,” she whispers, eyes still closed, “we never seem to get time and place right.”

“Why do you need to?”

Another exasperated look is sent Katie’s way at that question, “we live on different sides of the country mom, what do you mean why do we need to?”

“I mean the two of you have barely ever been in the same place. But you made it work, when you had even less, when you felt even less. But you’re adults now. You have other resources now. And I know timing is difficult but- it’s you and Paige. What are you so scared of Azzi?”

Azzi sucks in a deep breath, “what if Paige runs away again?”

“What if you run away again?”

“Excuse me?” 

“Who was the last person to walk away, Azzi?,” Katie sighs when Azzi is adamantly silent, “I know she hurt you by leaving. I know she hurt you by pushing you away. But you did the same thing. You chose UCLA,” Katie holds up a hand when a frustrated Azzi tries to interrupt, “and it was the right decision for you Azzi and she should have supported it. But that doesn’t meant you didn’t hurt her and then you chose Zoe-”

“I didn’t choose Zoe-”

“Yes you did Azzi. Sweetheart you’re my daughter and I will always tell you the complete truth even if it’s not what you wanna hear. And the truth Azzi is that Paige might have hurt you in 101 different ways but that doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt her back in 99 different ways too.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Azzi whispers, “that’s the problem mom. It hurts when she hurts me but it hurts even more when I hurt her. I don’t want that for us but I just- I just don’t know how to stop it without stopping us.”

“You haven’t even tried, baby. Paige held out a hand and you ran away.”

“She left first. How am I supposed to trust that she won’t just do that again," all that’s missing from Azzi’s stubborn whine is a foot stomp.

“Because she came back. It took her a little bit, I know, but she came back and she’s ready to fight, the question is, are you?”

“Why are you defending her?” Azzi splutters, “who’s side are you even on?”

“There are no sides to this sweetheart. The two of you are on the same side. So maybe instead of fighting against her, take that hand, fight with her.”

***

The WNBA draft is a momentous occasion this year. With a hyped draft class like no other, and the promise of even greater ones in the future, there’s a sense of celebratory hope dangling in the air. When the invite had first come in, Azzi had known the same one would be sent to a certain blonde in Connecticut as well. And a part of her had wanted to hide herself away from that possible collision, but every other part of her wanted nothing more than to get just a glimpse of the blonde.

One moment Azzi is surrounded by flashing cameras and the echo of her name on everyone’s lips, the next everything around her is fading away her eyes meet Paige’s on the other end of the WNBA draft orange carpet. It’s nothing new really. Since she’s met her, the blonde has commandeered all of Azzi’s attention whenever she’s nearby. Sometimes it feels like all of her other five senses fade away to give birth to a secret sixth one, one that’s solely dedicated to Paige, one that’s terrifyingly all-consuming. And yet, despite the heaviness of we’ve said too many goodbyes, for the first time in what feels like eternity, Azzi feels like she can finally breathe. 

And then Paige looks away. 

And Azzi’s back to struggling for air. 

It’s selfish of her, she knows, to expect something, not when she’d been the one to leave them stranded on different islands. But Azzi doesn’t seem to think logically when it comes to Paige and even as she tries to turn her focus back to posing for the camera, every inch of her body is dangerously aware of the blonde’s every move, just a mere few feet away from her. Her conversation with her mother is echoing in her head, giving rise to dangerous desires of what if i grabbed your hand and we ran away together. 

Paige is a natural on the orange carpet, all dazzling smiles and twinkling eyes. She glides through it, inching closer and closer to Azzi, but never giving away any sense of discomfort. And if it was anybody else, maybe they’d never catch onto the nerves hidden beneath Paige’s facade of calm, cool and collected. But once upon a time Paige used to be Azzi’s favourite puzzle and she has every part of the blonde committed to memory. It’s in the way Paige’s teeth gnaw at her lips for the briefest of seconds, in the way her right index finger is begging to tap a beat against where her hands rests on hips, in the way she’s blinking just one too many times. 

And then with one more heavy footed step from Paige, the distance between them is barely a couple inches and they let out identical breaths of air, both of them keeping their focus on the cameras in front of them. It’s loud, too loud, and still all Azzi can focus on is the sound of Paige breathing. The air around them is thick with tension. It feels a bit like they’re silhouetted against a sky made of words they’ve left unsaid and clouds of all the bitter mistakes they’ve made are hanging over their heads. And when their pinkies brush together, and a jolt of electricity sends shivers of I miss you more every day again her skin, Azzi questions if she’s ever made the right decision when it comes to Paige. 

“Wait wait wait,” Ari cuts in, as she squeezes herself in between the two of them, “I wanna get in between the two of you.”

A harsh cry of no sits heavily on the top of Azzi’s tongue as the older woman forces a break in whatever little bit of contact she’d had with Paige. She feels a little pathetic, the way every little inch of her skin is craving for that touch back. It had been nothing, a barely there moment and still Azzi thinks, when she goes to bed tonight, if that was all she’d get of Paige, then it’ll be the only thing that’ll feature in her dreams. 

“Alright one with just Paige and Azzi,” Ari directs the media, stepping out of the way and pushing the two younger girls together. And it’s laughable that a little brush of their pinkies had Azzi feeling any type of way because when they’re suddenly pressed together, every inch of Paige’s side fitting into Azzi’s like it belongs, the way the world suddenly bursts with light and colours makes Azzi wonder if every moment without Paige has simply been monochrome. 

It comes to them naturally how to pose together, arms winding around each other’s waist, heads involuntarily leaning against the other’s. And the smiles might be for the cameras but Azzi knows hers is the most real it’s been all night. It might be temporary, she might lose Paige in the chaos, but for now Paige is here and Azzi has learned how to be content with whatever little she can get. 

As the media moves to capture other people, the logical thing to do would be to separate, to let go of each other. But instead they stand there, still completely wrapped around each other, heart rates in sync as they breathe in each other’s presence. And then Paige’s hand falls from the small of Azzi’s back to tangle their fingers together and they let out identical sighs of relief, something so cathartic in the purposefulness of that touch. Everyone is too busy to notice that the two of them have fallen into a whole other world, one where there’s only two of them and every emotion that they’ve only reserved for the other. There’s no words exchanged as Paige guides the two of them out of the spotlight, somehow keeping their hands clasped together in secret, despite the ever growing crowd. And Azzi doesn’t know this building at all, doesn’t have the faintest clue where she’s being led to, but as long as it’s Paige pulling her along, she doesn’t care where, she thinks she’d go anywhere. 

Paige stops abruptly in a secluded corridor, turning to fully face Azzi. And the sincerity in the blonde’s crystalline blue eyes, as they roam every inch of Azzi’s body before coming to fixate on her face, steals the air away from Azzi’s lungs. Paige has gotten better over the years at building walls, but with every new lock she places on her emotions, there’s a key to open them that seems to always find its way to Azzi. In the delicate golden hue, Paige shines brighter than any star ever could and in the dim light Azzi can make out every bit of hurt and love and please can we just have this moment that Paige can’t put into words. 

“Hi,” Azzi whispers softly, hands itching to reach out and caress Paige’s skin. 

“Hi,” Paige says back, even quieter. She stares at Azzi as if she’s memorising every little detail and then her face crumbles. Azzi feels her heart drop at the single tear that trickles down Paige’s cheek as she lets out a broken whimper. And this, this unspoken power they seem to have over each other, the uncanny ability to just hurt each other without any bit of effort, is what scares Azzi the most. It’s too much. They shouldn’t be able to do this. 

“Paige,” Azzi’s fingers twitch but she hesitates, not knowing if it’s the right thing, “fuck- P what’s wrong?”

Paige doesn’t reply, eyes wandering down to where Azzi’s trying to keep her hands still against her sides and when she looks back up, her eyes are bloodshot, “what’s wrong? What’s not wrong Azzi? You won’t even fucking touch me.”

“I didn’t-” Azzi struggles to speak, “I didn’t think you’d want me to.”

“Can you just- fuck- can you just stop overthinking things for once in your life. Of course I want you to touch- you know what nevermind. This was a bad idea. You made yourself clear and I’m just- fuck- I should- I should just go.”

She sounds adamant enough but all it takes, when Paige moves to leave, is the strangled cry that leaves Azzi’s lips. The sound is enough to pull Paige right back in. She takes one look at the tears brimming in Azzi’s eyes. And then she’s pushing Azzi against a wall, hands on either side caging the younger girl between her body and the hard surface behind. She presses their foreheads together and Azzi feels like every part of her might just be a part of Paige too. 

“I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. It’s barely been two weeks and I- fuck- Azzi- I’ve missed you every single second and now you’re here and I still miss you. And it really fucking hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” Azzi whispers, finally letting her hands cup Paige’s cheeks, and it’s worth it for the way Paige seems to completely melt into her touch, “I’m sorry I keep hurting you. I keep thinking I’m doing the right thing but- I don’t know- I feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing when it comes to you. I don’t- I don’t know what to do.”

“Just let me be with you,” Paige’s voice is wrecked with desperation as she presses herself as close to Azzi as possible, “I’ll be your whatever- whatever you give me- whatever you want- I just- I just want you Az- whatever little bit you’re willing to give me- I’ll take it- and if you want me to wait- fuck Azzi- I’d wait forever- you know that right? However long it takes, baby. Just want you- just want us.”

Leaps of faith are scary. Azzi’s never been great at taking them, too cautious, too much of a worrier. She’s more of a step back from the cliff kind of person. If she doesn’t jump, she can’t fall. But here’s the thing, when she was fourteen, Azzi jumped off of her first hypothetical cliff. It had been on a plane, when after avoiding one too many deep questions, Azzi had admitted to a girl she barely knew,that maybe she could like girls. It was the first time she’d ever let herself acknowledge that truth about herself and the girl next to her was a stranger but there was something about her, something that screamed i’ll hold your hand and if you jump it’ll never be alone. And ever since then, that girl, Paige, has always been there. Hands outstretched, ready to jump off any ledge. Because if there’s hard ground underneath, then they’ll learn how to fly together and if there’s water, they’ll figure out how to swim. With Paige there has always been the promise that, whatever it is, they’ll figure it out together. And it’s with that promise in mind, that Azzi takes the leap of faith. 

“Me too,” Azzi whispers, heart beating erratically. 

“What?” Paige searches Azzi’s face, as if waiting for her to take it back. 

“Us. You. You and me. I want that too,” a ghost of a smile begins to creep onto Azzi’s face, and for the first time in god knows how long, she feels feather light, a little bit like she’s floating on a rainbow. 

“You mean it?” Paige asks earnestly, hands moving from the wall to clutch at Azzi’s waist, “don’t play-Azzi- okay- you mean it for real?”

“I do. I want this- I want this so much and I’m still- I’m still really scared and maybe it’ll be a disaster but I- I want to try. With you.”

Azzi used to think she knew all of Paige’s smiles. Her small, not quite fake, but only for cameras and people she didn’t quite know, smiles. Her just for my friends smile that was filled with mirth and childlike joy. Her basketball smile that transformed into a smirk when she got too cocky. Her only for Drew smile, soft and filled with so much adoration and pride. Her Azzi smile, the one only the brown-skinned girl gets to experience, a smile that made Azzi’s her heart swell with love. But the smile that stretches across Paige’s face now, is one Azzi’s never seen before. This one throws Azzi’s entire world of balance, so bright, so big, so full of emotions. If she could, she’d tattoo that smile onto her skin forever. 

“We’re really doing this?” Paige asks, still a little stunned. It wasn’t what Azzi had planned for tonight. She hadn’t really had any plans for what would really happen. But then Paige had walked in and all Azzi could see was forever she was tired of fighting against. 

“We should take it slow okay-” Azzi wraps her arms around the older girl’s neck, keeping their foreheads still against each other’s, “I don’t- I don’t wanna rush into things and fuck it up. I can’t- fuck- I can’t lose y-”

“You won’t,” Paige swears, squeezing at Azzi’s wait, “I won’t let you. We can take it slow. We can take it however you want- I just- we’re doing this?”

“Yeah,” Azzi can’t help the grin that fills up her entire face, “yeah we’re doing this.”

And as they surge forward to claim each other’s lips, and as they meld every inch of themselves into each other, and as they smile and cry into the kiss simultaneously, and as they etch promises into each other skin, and as they let themselves finally fall into each other, for each other, it feels a lot like coming home. 

***

July 2024 

The early morning sunlight casts a dark shadow across Paige’s face, causing the still asleep blonde to scrunch up her face in irritation. Azzi, who’s been awake for nearly half an hour now, can’t help the fond smile that creeps onto her own lips. She shifts herself to block the sun and Paige lets out a content sigh, burrowing herself further into her pillows. And the thing is every moment with Paige is special but there’s something about waking up to her in the morning. Azzi’s always awake first and it gives her ample time to just admire the girl in her arms, blond hair tousled all over her pillow, lips parted slightly open, and one arm always, always, splayed across Azzi’s torso, holding her close. Over the course of time, Azzi’s found out that the second she moves, Paige seems to feel her leave, waking up instantly. 

There had been an adjustment period if Azzi's honest. It had taken her a while to shake that fear of Paige not being there in the morning. The first morning, she’d been scared to open her eyes, even if she could feel Paige’s presence right next to her. That had been one of the few mornings that Paige was fully awake first, hovering above Azzi to wake her up. And when she finally did get the courage to open her eyes, the first thing Azzi had seen was Paige, blue eyes sparkling with unfiltered adoration, a smile filled with promises of every morning just like this. And that had been enough. 

Azzi reaches out to brush a hand through Paige’s soft blond hair, mesmerised by how pretty Paige looks in the morning glow. A lot of Paige belongs to the world now and Azzi’s not opposed to sharing really, because someone so fucking perfect, deserves to be celebrated like that. But there are some parts of Paige that belong to Azzi and Azzi only, some parts Azzi cherishes as being only hers. This is one of them and Azzi takes a snapshot of it, knowing she’ll need it to function in a few months, when she won’t get the real thing. 

“Are you watching Paige sleep?” Azzi almost jumps at the sound of Drew’s voice at the doorway, having been too immersed in Paige to have even heard the door open, “that’s kinda creepy Azzi.”

“Jesus Drew, whatever happened to knocking?”

“I forgot?” Drew grins, before he plops on the bed, the force of it making the whole frame shake a little bit. 

“Drew!” Azzi chides, “you’re gonna wake her up.”

Drew cocks his eyebrows, sparing his sister, who seems unphased by the sudden little bit of chaos around her, still fast asleep, an unimpressive look, “please she can sleep through anything. Besides, it’s already 9. I thought we were gonna do things. I been up for aaaages.”

“She’ll be awake soon,” Azzi smiles, ruffling the younger boy's hair. Drew rolls his eyes and it’s remarkable how much he resembles Paige, not just by face, but the mannerisms too. 

He huffs for a second before his eyes sparkle with an idea, “what if we pour water on her!”

“Drew!” Azzi chastises again, trying not to giggle. 

“Boo,” Drew crosses his arms across his chest, “you used to be so cool Azzi.”

Azzi laughs as she’s reminded of a younger version of herself, scheming with Drew on how to wake Paige up. And it’s not that she’s beyond that really, tucking the water idea for a rainy day, but Paige looks too peaceful this morning and she wants to preserve that look of serenity on the older girl’s face for just a little bit longer. 

“Hey Azzi,” Drew says after a while and Azzi hums in response, “when you and Paige get married, I can still be a groomsman right? Even if there’s no grooms?”

“Wha- where did that come from?” the brunette’s eyes widened at the question, sitting up a little straighter. 

Drew peers up at her with all the innocence of a pre-teen, “you are gonna get married right?”

“I don’t-”

“It’s too early for your yapping Drew,” Azzi’s saved from answering by Paige’s tired voice entering the conversation. She looks over to find Paige’s eyes already on her, a soft smile playing on her lips as she looks up at Azzi. If Drew wasn’t sitting right there, Azzi would lean over and kiss her and let Paige deepen it until they were both satisfied. 

“Oh thank god,” Drew cheers dramatically, “I thought you were gonna sleep forever.”

Paige scoffs, the arm that’s still wrapped around Azzi’s torso tightening its hold, “I wish.”

“Well you’re awake now so get up,” Drew whines, moving from his spot on the end of the bed, to flop on top of Paige’s body instead, “get up, get up, GET UP.”

“Get off,” Paige groans but there’s no real force behind it. Azzi watches with a fond smile, as Paige flips Drew over so that she can tickle him, eliciting rounds of laughter from the younger boy. Something in her heart flutters, her mind going back to Drew’s question. She’s never really been one to think too hard about marriage and children and that domestic suburban life, leaving it up to fate, but now- well, maybe. 

“Okay aight aight enough. Go get ready for breakfast and we’ll be down in a second,” Paige says, ushering Drew off of the bed. 

“You can just tell me you want me to leave so you can kiss Azzi you know?” Drew scrunches up his nose, “you two are gross.”

Paige sends him a stern look and gets a dramatic eye roll in return but as he always does, Drew does as he’s told, mock saluting the two of them and skipping out of the room. 

“He’s right by the way,” Paige says softly, turning back to where Azzi’s leaning against the backboard, “I do want to kiss you.”

Azzi smirks lopsidedly, “what’s stopping you?”

She squeals in surprise when Paige pulls her, the force of it causing both of them to tumble onto the front-end of the bed. Azzi ends up on top of Paige, hands resting around her neck, the blonde’s hands holding her waist in place. 

“Good morning,” Paige grins, clearly proud of herself as she chases Azzi’s lips to pull her into a searing kiss.

“Good morning,” Azzi whispers back, thumb caressing Paige’s left cheek.  

“Just so you know,” Paige pulls away, a determined glint in her eyes, “we’re so getting married one day.”

***

October 2024

Azzi’s mood has been rancid for the last couple of weeks. It’s terrible she knows; it makes her irritating to play with and a nightmare to live with. But even if this had been expected, that she would be on one end of the country and her heart would be on the other side, it doesn’t stop her from constantly being in a state of missing Paige. And it’s different from before, now that there’s a certain surety of of course i’ll see you soon but soon never really feels soon enough. 

“Azzi can you please get the door,” Kiki calls from her room when the doorbell rings. 

“I’m busy,” Azzi grunts back, snuggling further into her pillow with a book she isn’t actually reading, “you go get it.”

“Azzi please, I’m literally in the middle of getting dressed,” Kiki yells exasperatedly. 

If it wasn’t for the fact that she’s pretty sure her teammates are about this close to plotting her murder, and deservedly so, Azzi would sink back onto her bed and let the incessant doorbell noise continue. But she does love her teammates, thinks Kiki probably deserves to change in peace, and it forces her out of bed, grumbling away about annoying visitors. Until she actually gets a look at the visitor. Paige stands on the doorstep, confident as ever, a bouquet of roses and peonies and lilies in her hand. 

“You’re here,” Azzi breathes out, staring in awe. 

“And thank fucking god she is,” Kiki quips from behind her, “maybe we can finally get our old happy Azzi back and not this bitch.”

Paige laughs, “watch how you talk about my girl Rice.”

“You’re here. You’re really here,” Azzi whispers again. 

“I heard you missed me baby,” Paige says, her cocky smirk betrayed by the softness in her voice. And then Azzi is flying into her arms, throwing Paige off balance. 

“So fucking much,” Azzi admits into Paige’s neck, eliciting a giggle from the blonde, “Kiki’s right. I have been a bitch.”

“Just a little bit,” Kiki calls out again but there’s a new fondness in her voice. It’s funny how her team, even the haters, have slowly become Paige fans. They’d been hesitant at first, just like the UConn girls, but now well, it seems the basketball world’s Montagues and Capulets have learned to accept their star players’ relationship. 

“Missed you too Az,” Paige’s tone is vulnerable as they break away, “alright, go get changed, I wanna take you somewhere.”

“Or…,” Azzi presses her lips to Paige’s neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses, “we could stay here and do something else.”

Paige shivers under her touch, stepping away to keep some semblance of control “n-no I have plans,” but she can’t help but kiss Azzi’s pout away, “it’ll be worth it, I promise. Besides,” she bites at Azzi’s ear, “there’s always later.”

***

“Your big plans are to bring me to the supermarket,” Azzi cocks an eyebrow as they walk down one of the many aisles, “you turned down sex for this? Should I be offended?”

Paige doesn’t say anything, concentratedly looking at signs, trying to figure out a specific section, before an aha! moment dances over her face, and she pulls Azzi with her, the younger girl going willingly, despite the eye roll. She stops triumphantly in front of the sushi section and Azzi looks at her quizzically. 

“I’m getting you supermarket sushi,” Paige says pointedly, “and then you can get me mac and cheese.”

And if you brought me sushi I’d have brought you your favourite mac and cheese. Oh. The realisation of what Paige is doing trickles around Azzi a little bit like rain after a long summer drought. She thinks back to the bouquet, everything suddenly making sense.

“You’re such a dork Paige Bueckers,” Azzi says softly, tapping the older girl’s nose. 

“Your dork,” Paige grins cheesily, “now hurry up and pick one. I don’t wanna miss the sunset.”

***

Once she catches on it, it doesn’t surprise Azzi to find that Paige has everything planned out perfectly, down to the exact spot in the park- the one by Paige’s recovery airBnB, the one they’d taken countless walks in trying to repair their friendship- where the two of them can be away from everybody else, in their own little bubble. And she has a picnic blanket, that’s a little small but they don’t really want space from each other anyways. They lean against a tree, food set up in front of them, Paige’s laptop, carefully piled on top of a couple of books to be the perfect height, set a little bit further away. 

“So what NBA game are we watching?” Azzi asks with a smile and Paige groans, “what? Was that not part of the plan?”

“Dude come on. It’s the beginning of October. Please tell me you know the NBA season isn’t happening yet,” Paige rubs her temple, only a little endeared by the comment, “are you sure you’re a basketball player?” 

“There are games in October. I swear I’ve seen them before,” Azzi says sceptically. 

“Yeah at the very end of the month, not right now.”

“Well then close enough,” Azzi says indignantly, “I don’t need to know the exact day.”

“Whatever you say baby,” Paige acquiesces with a smirk and it earns her an elbow to the stomach, “what the fuck? That shit’s domestic violence you know?”

“Big words Bueckers, didn’t think you knew them,” Azzi teases, placing a kiss against Paige’s offended expression, before settling herself against the blonde’s side, sighing contentedly when she gets a kiss on her temple in return. They’re cliché enough to put on Love and Basketball, but Azzi doesn’t really end up watching much at all. In between slow kisses, she almost falls asleep a couple of times, the comfort of Paige’s arms like a blanket wrapping her in the warmth of this is my fairytale. 

“THE POLAROID,” Paige’s shout breaks Azzi out of her haze as she feels her body being shaken off, the blonde rummaging through her bag for the camera, “we have to take the polaroid. My wall needs it.”

“Oh yeah a tiny polaroid picture of us inbetween all your Lebron posters, a perfect fit,” Azzi drawls only to be met with a scathing look from Paige. 

“It’s for important things and Lebron is the most important of them all,” Paige explains with complete seriousness, as she finally finds the polaroid camera and shimmies back to Azzi with it in hand. 

The sunset is beautiful. Pink, purple, orange and blue, all blending together to create the perfect picture. But Azzi thinks it’s not nearly as beautiful as the girl in front of her, not nearly as beautiful as the date Paige had planned, not nearly as beautiful as the future she can so clearly see now. Her mind drifts back to the night of the phone call, and she can almost hear Paige’s sobs again, can still hear her own voice breaking. Back then, they had seemed impossible, a butterfly like dream that danced out of their grasp. 

“Hey,” Paige captures her chin with two fingers, “where’d you go?”

Azzi shakes her head, “nowhere. I’m right here. With you. Where I should be.”

“Sappy goof,” Paige snorts but she kisses Azzi like she’ll take those words and hide them in the labyrinth of her mind, protect them there forever. 

Taking the picture is a task, both of them bickering about angles and lights. It’s unnecessary arguing, in true Paige and Azzi fashion really but there’s something so mundanely domestic about it that Azzi finds herself wanting to memorise this moment too. They finally get the frame just right, somewhere in between what they both wanted. Azzi smiles at the camera, her Paige smile, as the blonde in question presses her lips against her cheeks. 

Click. 

And Azzi hopes, that however many years later, when they have a home of their own, amidst all the photos that they’ll take over the next years, this one will be hung somewhere on their wall, a testament to finally realising every dream they’d dared to dream together. 

***

December 2024 

There are pebbles being thrown at her window and Azzi has to stop herself from laughing when she peers down to see Paige, freezing cold in the Virginia December air, staring up at her with a goofy smile. She shakes her head when her phone rings, knowing it’s Paige and answers it with her own foolish grin. 

“What exactly are you doing?” Azzi asks, “come back to bed.”

“You said I was unromantic. I’m trying to be romantic,” Paige’s teeth chatter in the cold, as she balances her phone in one hand, still throwing rocks with the other. 

“I didn’t say that and throwing rocks at my window is supposed to be romantic? You’re going to wake the whole house up.”

“That’s what they do in all the good rom coms. And you said and I quote ‘we’re kind of boring’. You might be boring Azzi Fudd but I most definitely am not.”

It had been a throwaway comment Azzi had made at dinner with some friends from high school. One of her friends had been going on and on about some adventurous trip that she and her boyfriend were going on, and then asked Paige and Azzi if they had any of that planned. To which Azzi had replied that they were a little too busy, considering they were college basketball players still in season, and besides they were “kind of boring” people. She hadn’t meant it in any type of way. Personally, Azzi likes boring. Paige however, seemed to have taken the comment to heart and Azzi had woken up at 2 a.m. to an empty bed and the sound of something being thrown at her window. 

“Okay I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You're really interesting baby and the most romantic person in the world. Now will you please come back to bed,” Azzi concedes, already missing the feeling of being cuddled up in her blankets with Paige’s body heat keeping her nice and toasty. 

“No,” Paige says indignantly, “come down here.”

“Paige, it's freezing. It’s gonna start snowing any minute.”

“Exactly. That’s exciting.”

“Sleep is exciting,” Azzi whines, but she’s already padding around her room looking for a warm sweater, grumbling under her breath about the warm California sun she’s missing. She tiptoes down the staircase, wincing at the one step that creaks just a little too much, before pushing herself out the door. And it’s freezing cold, there’s sleep in her eyes, but it’s all worth it Azzi thinks, it’ll always be worth it, just to experience Paige’s smile. 

“Knew you’d come,” Paige grins cockily, mittened hands pulling Azzi into her.

“Yeah yeah. What are we even doing?”

“Azzi Fudd,” Paige bellows dramatically, “may I have this dance.”

Azzi stares at Paige’s outstretched hand wondering if this is some sort of cry for help, but one look at Paige’s face tells her that the girl in front of her is being absolutely serious. 

“This is your idea of exciting? Dancing in the street while it’s freezing with no music?” Azzi raises an eyebrow, but she takes Paige’s hand. 

“It’s spontaneous,” Paige says the last word with a flourish, as she spins Azzi, “why not dance in the street when it’s freezing with no music?”

And well, that’s a fair point. If anyone were to look out their window that night, they’d probably think the two girls were somewhat crazy. Laughing and giggling and tripping over each other as Paige hums a melody and Azzi occasionally joins in. It’s ridiculous and corny and cliché and perfect. And then the first little bit of snow falls, white drops circling around the two dancing girls, snowflakes catching on their eyelashes. The dim glow of the streetlight is enough to catch identical smiles on the two girl’s faces as they revel in each other. 

“You know some people say if you make a wish during the first snowfall, it’ll come true,” Paige whispers, still waltzing the two of them around, cheek pressed to Azzi’s, “you wanna try?”

And the thing is Azzi doesn’t really believe in all of that, in magic but something about Paige, something about this moment feels magical. It makes a believer out of Azzi. 

“Yeah,” Azzi smiles, “let’s make a wish.”

They stand still, holding hands, eyes closed, both a little breathless, as they make their wishes. And when they open them, if it feels a little bit like maybe their wishes have already been granted, well they’ll share it in a secret smile but never out loud. After all, wishes don’t come true if you speak of them. 

***

April 2025

7 seconds to go in the National Championship and Azzi’s UCLA Bruins are down by two points. It’s her last chance, having already declared for the 2025 WNBA draft, to win a national championship, to bring home their first basketball national championship since the 1978 team that had won the AIAW championship, to win their first NCAA championship ever. It had taken some sheer luck to get to this point if Azzi’s honest. As a two-seed in the Spokane region, they’d benefitted from their one-seed having been eliminated early and then getting to face a Cinderella six-seed in the final four. On the other side of the bracket, UConn, the favourites coming for a repeat, had been stunned by another team, the team that UCLA was now facing. That had caused a bit of a second-hand sting and Azzi’s not really trying to take revenge for Paige, but it'd be a lie to say the get back at them for me babe from earlier this morning isn’t ringing in her head. 

The play is simple, set screens for Azzi, get her open, get her the ball. A two would get them to a tie and three would win it outright. Either will do. It’s a little too reminiscent of last year when Azzi had failed at tying the final 4 game and she can still feel that loss on the tips of her fingers. They break out from their last timeout, breathlessly running to their spots on the floor. The whistle blows, Kiki inbounds the ball and everything is a blur. All Azzi knows is the shot clock is winding down. She runs off of what feels like a million screens. And then she’s open on the wing, for a millisecond. A perfect pass from Kiki makes sure the ball lands straight in Azzi’s hand. And she doesn’t think, doesn’t breathe, doesn’t even notice the defender put up a hand, she shoots the ball. There’s two people on the court that know for sure that ball is going in the minute it leaves Azzi’s fingers, the shooter herself and her biggest fan in the stands, who’s been just a little bit in love with that shooting stroke, since before anything else had even begun. 

With a delicate swish, the ball falls through the net, the buzzer sounds around the arena, the crowd explodes in blue and gold, as the UCLA Bruins win the 2025 national championship. 

Everything stills in Azzi’s brain for a second, her thoughts taking a second to catch up to reality. She’s never really been one to emotion on the court, keeping herself steely guarded through most games, even at the very end. But now, triumph and pride and just utter happiness at finally achieving one of her biggest dreams, comes roaring to the surface, manifesting itself throughout her entire body, as she lets out a scream of joy. Her teammates engulf her and she gets lost in a sea of hugs and tears and bright, decadent smiles. 

As thing start to calm down, there’s really only one thing on Azzi’s mind and Paige’s words echo in her ears, because if I’m gonna end up fucking crying, then I want it to be on your shoulder. And if I’m gonna end up celebrating, I want it to be in your arms. And Azzi thinks maybe Paige had discovered one of the biggest truths of their life with that, the truth that at the end of day, in any moment, big or small, happy or sad, the one person Azzi wants next to her, is her Paige. It’s been that way since she was fourteen, and too young to really understand the meaning of wanting someone forever, and she thinks if she has her way, it’ll be like that for the rest of her life, the rest of their life. 

Paige is beaming in the crowd, standing next to Jon and José, a #35 jersey proudly adorning her torso. She waves when she catches Azzi’s eyes, always her biggest cheerleader. And Azzi throws caution to the wind, fuck it, not caring that there’s still a large crowd or that cameras are likely to follow her every move. She pushes her way into the stands, stopping right in front of the blonde. 

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad would kissing you right now be?” Azzi asks, still a little breathless. 

A myriad of emotions flicker through Paige’s face before settling on a mischievous smirk, “probably pretty bad but you should do it anyways.”

Azzi grins before merging their lips together and everything else fades to the background, until she’s consumed by nothing but Paige. They break apart far quicker than either of them would like and Azzi expects to feel just a little bit of fear at what she’s just done, likely given the media a spectacle they could run a million and one stories about but instead, with her forehead still pressed against Paige’s, she feels nothing but calm. 

“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi whispers and Paige’s eyes widen. They’ve known it for a while now but it’s the first time either of them have said it. 

“Say it again,” Paige demands. 

“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi says again, grinning so hard, she thinks it might become her permanent expression, “like really fucking in love with you.”

“I’m so in love with you,” Paige whispers, pulling Azzi into a bone-crushing hug. 

And this might not be the moment where everything finally comes together. There’s still so much life left to live, so much that they still need to work through, so much they’ve yet to deal with. But for now, Azzi has a national championship and she has the love of her life, the rest will work itself out, or so she hopes.

[devildomsoup]

Hello! I believe your asks are open? May I requests a calm but really sweet MC who’s “dates” with barbatos mostly include a tea break or helping him cook/bake so one day they’re in charge of Luke and bring him to bake with them and barb and Luke gets the living bejesus scared out of him by a little D that just straight up spawned like two inches from him in the kitchen and now barb and MC have to calm him down and comfort him and barb and MC just being whole parents to Luke. Also if you don’t mind maybe a little Simeon just hearing abt the whole thing and being like :0

sorry if this is long, I hope I didn’t make it hard to understand

Those Little Moments

Genre: Fluff

Character: Barbatos

MC: gender neutral they/them

Type: Oneshot

The Demon Lord’s steward is a busy man. He has many duties to attend, which leaves little to no room for free time. It is a hectic life with very few calm moments. Not that Barbatos minds it. He can easily deal with all the pressure. But he does however fantasize about some less hectic moments from time to time. In the beginning, it simply seemed like wishful thinking, but then MC came along. 

With MC came the sweet moments where everything did not have to move fast. It was like a refreshing breeze. They were surrounded by a calm aura that could ease Barbatos’s tired mind. Compared to most of the people who lived in House of Lamentation, MC was never much trouble. 

Although their moments spent together were short-lived, they were cherished by Barbatos. He longed to spend time with them to feel their touch and bask in their gentle presence. But alas, he has his duties to attend to. Those duties did not stop MC, however. They would gladly help cook or clean if that meant they could spend time with Barbatos. MC stops by the castle just in time for Barbatos’ tea break so they can enjoy a nice cup of tea together. When the tea break ends, MC will insist on helping Barbatos with his duties. 

Before Barbatos knew it, it had become a habit for the two of them to cook and bake together. Joyful sparks filled his heart every time MC helped him. However, helping around the castle can be a bit tedious if you are not used to it. For Barbatos, it is nothing too surprising when a Little. D pops up out of nowhere, but for a newcomer, it might be a bit startling. It worried him in the beginning. What if MC got scared off? 

The day a Little. D popped up out of nowhere in front of MC they merely laughed and wished the little fella a good day. They did not seem the least bit bothered by The Little. D’s sudden appearance. MC reminded Barbatos that they did in fact live with The Seven Lords of Hell who seemed to bring chaos with them wherever they went. 

But for other people, an experience like that can be very frightening. People like Luke.

MC had agreed to look after Luke for a bit and had decided to take him with them to see Barbatos. The young angel was very fond of Barbatos and Barbatos seemed to have quite a soft spot for Luke. So this seemed like the perfect way to spend the day. Luke was ecstatic when he heard they were going to visit Barbatos; he talked about all the things they could bake together on the way to the castle.

Barbatos greeted Luke and MC at the entrance and Luke immediately grabbed him by the hand and started to drag Brabtos to the kitchen, all while telling him of the amazing recipes they could try. MC let out a small chuckle as they watched the two of them. 

It was decided that they were going to try making something from the human realm. The three of them eventually settled on crème brulée. Barabros got all the ingredients needed while MC got a bowl and all the other equipment they would need. Luke was putting on the apron he had brought with him. Although there were plenty of aprons at the castle, Luke had insisted on bringing his own. According to Luke, it was because it was more professional, but MC had a sneaking suspicion it was truly because Luke wanted to show the apron he had sewn himself to Barbatos.

Everything was going smoothly. The kitchen was soon filled with the sound of people talking and ingredients being mixed. Luke was in the middle of telling Barbatos and MC about Solomon’s latest cooking disaster when a Little. D appeared to tell Barbatos they were done with their chores. Mc and Barbatos simply greeted the tiny demon; this was pretty standard stuff. Luke however got the living daylight scared out of him. To be fair, the Little.D did appear right beside him and Luke was not exactly used to random demons spawning around him. He had only seen it happen the few times MC had summoned one of the brothers.

As a result, Luke jumped to the side, lost his balance and tumbled to the floor. In the process of it all, he accidentally ended up knocking the eggs off the counter, sending them flying through the kitchen.

Everything went dead silent and nobody moved for a few seconds. That was until the quiet sound of Luke trying to hold back tears could be heard. In the blink of an eye, both MC and Barbatos were at the young angel’s side. Luke’s knee was bleeding, but what seemed to have really upset him was the mess he had created. He was desperately trying to stop himself from crying as he spoke.

“I’m so sorry for making a mess.” 

Thick tears were now running down Luke’s cheeks as he continued to apologize for the accident. 

“Don’t apologize, Luke. It was an accident,” MC said gently, wiping his tears away.

“But I ruined it all and now you have to clean up my mess.”  

“You did not ruin anything we can always try again. The eggs can be cleaned up easily,” Mc reassured Luke.

“And Barbatos works so hard all the time and now I’ve just given him more work. I’m sorry. Now you probably won’t bake with me again. You probably won’t even invite me to the castle because I will end up making a mess again. Sorry. ” Luke continued to apologize.

Barbatos gently rested his hand on Luke's shoulder and gave him a small smile.

“I assure you this isn’t a bother. I have cleaned up way worse, this will be cleaned up in no time. Besides it was an accident, Luke. I am not mad at you and MC is not mad at you either. It is just a few eggs. I am more worried about you.” 

Luke looked at Barbatos with puffy eyes.

“I can still visit the castle? Are you guys not mad at me?"

“Of course, we're not mad at you, Luke. It was an accident, things like that happen,” MC spoke.

“And you can still visit the castle. I would be quite sad if you stopped coming by,” Barbatos said.

Luke looked at Barbatos in disbelief. 

“Really?”

“Of course. Now let’s get that wound cleaned up,” Barbatos responded, picking up Luke and gently putting him down on a clean spot on the kitchen counter.

While Barbatos cleaned Luke’s wound, MC started to clean up the splattered eggs. It did not take long before both Luke’s knee and the kitchen were cleaned up. MC gave Luke a gentle pat on the back as Barabtos placed a bandaid on his knee. Just like that, everything returned to normal.

The Little.D that scared Luke by accident had apologized to him and left the kitchen so they would no longer disturb the trio. Luckily for said trio, it was only the eggs that had been sent flying and not the rest of the mix, so all it took for them to get back on track was some new eggs.

It would seem like Luke had happily forgotten about the accident the moment the finished product stood in front of him. The three of them then proceeded to enjoy some crème brulée and after that decide to call it a day.

Barbatos insisted on walking Luke and MC home. 

Upon entering Purgatory Hall, a smiling Simeon and Solomon greeted the trio.

“You’ve arrived just in time. I was just about to start making dinner,” Solomon said, walking towards the kitchen.

Haering that Luke immediately rushed to the kitchen saying that he would make dinner instead.

“Luke’s eyes were a bit red. Did something happen?” Simeon asked.  

“Nothing too big. He just got startled by one of the Little. Ds and ended up taking a tumble. He accidentally knocked over a few eggs in the process. But it was nothing that couldn’t be fixed,” MC explained.

“Is that so? How strange usually Luke doesn’t let that get to him. It might have been because it was in front of you, Barbatos.” 

“Me?” Barbatos asked.

“Yes, Luke thinks quite highly of you. I think he might have been embarrassed that he made a mistake in front of you. But sounds like he was able to brush it off in the end,” Simeon stated.

With that, he bid MC and Barbatos farewell and walked to the kitchen in hopes of preventing Solomon from creating another cooking disaster.

“Shall we head for the House of Lamentation?” Barbatos asked.

“Sure, but you don't have to. I know you are quite the busy demon.”

“Nonsense, I quite enjoy taking walks with you, MC.”

The Demon Lord’s steward is a busy man. But that is what makes those little moments so precious.

[arcadekitten]

As usual, sweet no death spoilers:

I wanted to ask a question about my favourite character that I don't see get as much love (okay well my favourite is Mary but she gets plenty.)

So how about an ask about Ruuby? I've had this question on my mind for awhile. I guess two questions actually. What Lampchop said about it being in Ruuby's DNA to eat meat has... worrying implications for the rest of the (I'm really blanking on the name) (arcadeverse?) (Sorry). Although I think Sweet No Death isn't in the same universe, is it? Regardless. Was Lampchop bullshitting? Will we see Crowven collecting shiny things or Twyla munching on mice? Or are the worlds seperate?

And as for the related question... Holy bejesus did the citizens of Stella's Town have family? Are they good? Like I know Stella isn't inherently a villain any more than lambchop (there's differing opinions on the morality of murdering your fake friends vs forced political domination of a town) but oh my goodness are they good?

Sweet No Death exists in like, a pocket dimension off of Noisrev. Extremely similar but not the same, and characters from SND wouldn't be able to meet or interact with characters from my other games hypothetically.

I would say this ties in to a popular fan-interpretation which is that Stella used her magic to turn all the animals in thetown into people. And while I can't say that is what actually happened, I can say that metatextually the implication is there (i don't even know if I'm using that word correctly apologies in advanced.)

I would say that Noisrevians are influenced by their species but not often to such extremes. Like, Twyla wouldn't eat mice. Crowven might pick up a shiny trinket or two but not to the point of kleptomania. I have a few characters who are of species like raccoons that collect trash in their homes, but those characters are seen more as extremists rather than an average member of their species. Does that make sense?

As for your second question, I feel like the answer is more outer-universe than in. While I'm sure there's families that exist in the SND universe I didn't design any of the characters with the idea of them having any. Animal Crossing was a big inspiration for SND and like Animal Crossing, I wanted the "villagers" to feel similar. In Animal Crossing you typically have one adult neighbor living in their own house and that's how I wanted SND to feel too!

I'm sure any families that potentially exist are fine. If Stella found out someone with known family was affected by Lambchop, she would make sure everyone in the family is alright and not just the victim.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Horror Villains x Reader || Headcanons

Topic: Horror Villains with a sweet, sunshine incarnate S/O.

Includes: Erik Destler, Freddy Krueger, Inkubus, Mayor Buckman and Stuart Lloyd. If you see a theme… sh.

Warnings: Some references to, like, murder and stuff but that’s about it. This actually is so fluffy?? I’m sorry 😅😅😅

Erik Destler:

(Older Timeline)

Oh- boy. Erik really needs someone like this in his life. You will be saving him. He’s such a grump, and mean, and thinks the whole world is against him (Which, apparently, it is. But I guess that’s what happens when you make a deal with satan.)

Just someone who will see him, and smile because you’re happy to see him! You wanted to see him and you’re not put off by his look or his brash (mean) manner! Tell him you missed him throughout the day and he has to force himself not to run of in a dramatic flourish of cape and dust.

If you bake stuff, and you bring him some ‘just cuz’ you thought he would like it? He’s suspicious at first, wandering if you’re intending to poison him. And he says as much, not even moving to touch the cupcake you’re offering him. Yeah, for a while you’re going to be taking the first bite out of whatever it is you bring him because even after the first few times, he’s concerned that you’re only leading him into a false sense of security.

When he finally does trust you, its subtle differences that show it. He leaves the door open to his cave when he knows you’re going to stop by, he tells you not to slip when there’s a mess around (Which is, basically, always. His home is always in a state of artistic chaos) and eventually even takes you by the hand to lead you through??, he actually sits down when you’re around (No longer two seconds from attacking, or escaping), and he even s m i l e s a little bit??????????

Y/N!! Call him handsome!! He might believe it coming from you! Well, he’ll believe that you believe it. And that’s nice enough.

Of course, he spies on you during the day while you’re in the opera house. Dear god, if he hears you telling someone all about your ‘unnamed boyfriend’ and how wonderful he is, you’re gonna hear something falling and breaking behind the closest wall because he nearly had a heart attack-

Your friend: How about you? Do you have your eye on anyone, huhh?

You: Oh I actually have someone! He’s wonderful, and so talented- I wish you could hear his music, he -*Basically you just say so many many lovely things about him*

Erik, behind a wall: *Falls over*

Basically the two of your are like Dawn and the Bog King, from Strange magic XD (If they had ended up together)

Last dot point. If someone were to hurt you? Like, genuinely get you down? Make you cry in front of him???? Well he doesn’t know how to comfort you, so the best he can do is go scare the living bejesus out of that person. Or kill them.

Freddy Krueger:

Freddy has a ball with you! At first its just so much fun for him to take that light out of your eyes- conjure up dreams that are nice, and happy, and beautiful… and then tear them apart and watch your face fall. That’s fun for him. A lot, of fun.

But once you’ve actually become friends (Or more) he finds your sweet disposition to be pretty damn cute, honestly.

He especially likes how you always laugh at his stupid ass jokes! Genuinely! Because, yes- this is a person he’s needed! A captive audience, yes, he can work with this! No one appreciates his liners like you.

You get nicknames like Peaches, Sunshine, Princess (Your gender does not matter to him, you could be a big burly dude and he’ll call you Princess. You might even hate being called Princess- and it’ll just make him use it more), little angel, Rosie, any sweet food he can think of, etc.

Oh my lord, he’s constantly doing that stupid thing where he taps his cheek like ‘Gimmie a kiss?’ and then turns his head at the last minute so you get a big smooch on the mouth.  Probably with tongue. I hope you like that XD

On days where you’re down, he’s totally thrown for a loop and will do just about anything to make you smile. Dumb jokes? Presents? Affection? Compliments? Apologies??? He’s got it all in spades and he won’t leave you alone until you’re happy again. He’ll put his hat on your head, he’ll drag you in to dance with him, he’ll carve you your favourite animal out of wood.

When he’s in a mood, you’re the only one who’s safe to be around him. In fact he’ll seek you out. Wouldja give him a smile? … Please?... (I imagine his voice to crack when he uses his manner words XDD )

Of course, you will! Sit next to him and wrap yourself around his arm and chatter to him until he’s better. Make cheesy jokes (… so I went to the zoo the other day. They only had one dog. It was a Shitzu- okay I’m sorry that’s really really dumb isn’t it??! How about this- ), flick his hat up so its not covering his eyes anymore (Lemme see that handsome face, there he is!), press your forehead to his shoulder- you just show you care about the old bastard. Its novel to him, someone being so sweet to him, and he eventually calms down to his regular mood.

Also you two do this thing where you try to keep straight faces while trying to make the other laugh and you almost always lose.

Inkubus:

Oh! Yes! Dark, villainous, smooth-talking Inkubus with the sweetest S/O is totally perfect.  He thinks you’re absolutely adorable and wants to protect you from the evil of the world (Except him. His apologies, but you’re stuck with him.).

Your big happy smiles warm his black heart and ohhhh, pity the poor idiots that ever try to hurt you, make you sad, or mad. The first thing they see when they get home is his evil smile and the last thing they’ll feel is a knife in their chest as they choke on their own blood.

Not that he would tell you about what he did, he just gets home and asks you how your day was. Did anyone bother you? Also probably brings home dinner, too. He can multitask. (Puts in the order at the food place, then hops over to the assholes house to kill uhhh… some time…  before the foods ready)

Oh theirs blood under his fingernails? Don’t pay any mind to that dear.

Just… just picture it? Inkubus in his full black and grey, then there’s you beside him radiating sunlight chattering away and he’s listening intently, nodding along and occasionally asking a question.

And- he does love you. But that doesn’t mean he’s not going to mess with you, he can’t help it.

You get home one day and ask him how his day was as he gets up to make you a cup of tea after a long day, and he details a very long, terrible day of burning down orphanages and following women down dark alleyways. Then, once you’re appropriately freaked, eyes wide and mouth dropped open, he chuckles and tells you he was kidding.

Though- not entirely. He’ll mutter just loud enough for you to HEAR HIM, before asking you which mug you would prefer this evening.

Like Erik, he spies on you. What? He doesn’t have a job, he has very little to do during the day. So why not follow you to work and see what’s going on? He loves how you respond to other men flirting with you- just saying ‘thank you!’ all cheery and lovely, before swiftly walking off. He finds it so amusing, and very very cute.

He’ll let you have and/or do almost anything, honestly. You’re his sunshine. So if you wanna maybe… dress him up?? He’ll groan and sigh about it but just give him that smile and those bright eyes and he wont say no.

Mayor Buckman:

Perfect, haha XD He can be pretty cheery himself as long as things are going his way! And when they’re not, when he does that thing where he goes all dark and the whole town gets glary?? You just need to put a hand on his arm and tilt your head to the side, and ask if he’s okay? Give him a little smile, too? And he cheers right up.

Here’s the thing- Buckman is high energy. And he loves to dance with you at jubilees, pull you off to the side and twirl you. He’ll even dip you, if it’ll make you laugh. It might surprise you when he does it, too.

He’ll do a similar thing if he sees that you’re down. He’ll take your hand and lead you away carefully, like c’mon darlin just one dance… for me. Slowly he’ll guide you around and talk to you, making little jokes here and there, until you cheer up and give a laugh.

Oh- my- goodness, it stresses him out when you inevitably get along so well with Boone XDD Like- his ex-wife?? And his sweetheart??? What are they saying about me???? He’ll hang around when the two of you get to talking just to make sure nothing untoward is being said about him, and maybe to distract you if he can. Like Oh Howdy there Y/N! I need your help with something darlin far away from here right now, please come with me. Bye Boone-

(You both know exactly what he’s doing, especially when he finally gets you away and he just says he wanted some attention from you all sweet and totally fake, but it’s just too funny so you don’t really care)

He does stuff for you just to make you smile, not that its hard. But he like, brings you breakfast in bed, requests your favourite songs when there’s a band, takes you on special dates like picnics, draws you warm baths if you’re stressed or unwell, etc.

God help the poor bastard that hurts your feelings. That’s all I’m saying for that one, Buckman’s messed the fuck up and he’s not great at hiding it.

YOUR BIRTHDAY is an EVENT. Like, a town event. Literally like the guts and glory jubilee, there’s a banner, there are preparations, and he probably tries to make it a surprise but you see the towns folk setting up under the blanket of night time the evening before. The effort still, obviously, moves you though. The celebrations last the whole day, he wears your favourite colour, he’s actually glued to your side almost the whole day (Just except for when he has to make sure that something is perfect for you), and the whole thing ends with the two of you alone under the stars, away from the party.

Basically nothing is too much for his sunshine.

… Honestly Buckman’s a bit of a sugar daddy.

Stuart Lloyd:

Stuart, is not a sugar daddy XD He’s got no money, sorry XD

You are literally the only thing keeping him from depression- not to freak you out or anything. Stuart is not happy with his life, but he is amazed at you- you want to be with him? You smiling at him?? You still being there in the morning the first night you stay over at his little place??

He likes to take videos of you, whether it be on his phone or on actual video camera, or taken off video surveillance at work. You don’t really have to be doing anything partially dazzling, but he will direct you a little bit (He can’t help it. It’s his new thing.). Like, you’re just eating your breakfast and he’ll ask you to lean back so you’re not casting such a shadow on your cereal, or you’ll be sketching on the couch and he asks if you can look more serene, or you’ll just be brushing your hair and he asks if you’re happy to step more into the sunlight.

Luckily, you’re happy to play along, bat those eyelashes at the camera and flash a grin.

Both of your favourite videos, though, are the ‘bonus features’. He comes up to you and asks you some questions, and you pat the seat next to you so he’ll be in the scene too and its just the two of you chatting and you laughing and him looking fucking lucky as hell.

He watches these mundane little movies when he’s down at work and sighs- just a few more hours, then he can see you again.

You stroke his ego quite a bit haha. He absolutely loves it when you call him ‘Mr Director’, all cheeky. Or just tell him you love him, or his movies are really good, or you missed him while he was at work. Or!! You saw this thing and thought of him??? Good god, are you trying to kill him??  

Stuarts not very touchy but he likes it when you initiate! Just snuggle in next to him when he’s editing or just drinking his morning coffee and lay a blanket out over you both cuz its chilly, or give him a kiss before work, or lay your head on his shoulder when you’re sleepy. He’ll feel loved and wanted and- again- lucky.

When you’re down he doesn’t really know what to do. He tries to make jokes but he’s not super great at them, all stuttery and second guessing himself. He’ll try to show you movies that have made you smile before, but it doesn’t really work. He asks who’s at fault for this (Maybe they could be in a future movie of his?? It’s going to be a gory one, for sure) but a lot of the time its not because of someone else. He’ll put on your favourite movies and make popcorn.

When something finally works he’s so relieved to have his sweet person back, and listens intently to whatever you say.

[vivilove-jonsa]

I know you and Amymel are both publishing your OG stuff now. How is that going for you both? And do you have any tips for someone who might want to do that sort of thing?

Thanks so much for the ask, Anon. I mentioned it to @amymel86 and, while we're keeping our pen names relatively private, we truly appreciate you checking in with us :)

How's it going? It's going great! We're both thrilled to making money off writing smutty romance 🤣. To quote Amy, 'Sex sells, girlies.' But I'll add that the swoony, romantic, buttery goodness is what keeps readers coming back for more.

Tips? You got it! I'm going to put them under the cut for those who are interested but I'll preface this with the following - we are writing romance novels (primarily as eBooks) that we're self-publishing on Amazon. If you want to be the next Hemingway or Virginia Woolf, that's awesome but our route might not be your route...

Tips for self-publishing romance on the Zon and making BANK:

First off, research. Read, read, read a genre that interests you. What's killing it in the rankings? What's not? What are readers looking for?

Drill it down to a specific niche and find the tropes that work best with it. Unlike with fanfic, you will not make a killing as a newbie writer switching widely between genres and niches. Your Sweet and Clean Christian Western Romance might be fantastic but your fans won't be delighted if you follow it up with an Erotic Dark Mafia Romance. There is so much out there! Sports Romance, Regency, Paranormal, Small-Town, Billionaire, Bikers, Mountain Man... go find yourself a new book boyfriend. Choose the heat level you're comfortable with. There are readers for all levels.

But, find something that appeals to you and stick with it for the time being, learn the ins and outs but make sure it's something you can see yourself writing. Don't choose Reverse Harem or Shifter Romance simply because they're popular if you can't stand reading them. You're setting yourself up for failure that way.

Second, do a little light craft book reading. For romance, I highly recommend Romancing the Beat by Gwen Hayes and 7 Figure Fiction by T. Taylor as a starting point.

Join an indie author's discord group for important tips and stuff that you might wind up paying to learn from others. It's free and you can choose what's worth retaining and what's not. The one Amy lured me to last year is AMAZING and I've picked up so much information/resources that I never would've known about stumbling around on my own.

Pick a pen name. Do not write under your actual name. You do not want your grandma reading your book. Or maybe you do but you might not want your boss or ex or neighbor reading it. Make sure it's not a claimed pen name. Google it, check Amazon, etc.

Next one is the hard part... write a book. Dream up your story, write down those 'moments' that come to mind (you won't remember them all otherwise) and outline that sucker. Then, WRITE IT. Which sounds impossible but it's not. Most full-length romance novels fall between 60 to 85k words. There are soooooo many fanfics that are longer than that. Take a deep breath. It's doable.

The must-dos for your first book:

Think it up, write down what tropes you're looking at using, outline (at least a little) and write it. I made that sound so easy, didn't I?

2. Edit, edit, edit. You don't have to pay an editor or copywriter - I have not so far - but, for the love of God, don't release something riddled with typos or full of purple prose. Streamline it, make it page-turning goodness readers have a hard time putting down. Throw it in grammarly and spellcheck the bejesus out of it.

3. Format it using a free site like Reedsy or Kindle Create from Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP). All that lovely spacing we enjoy doing on Ao3? That will not fly here. It's going to look like an actual book... because it is!

4. Make a cover or get one made. Look at what sells in your niche and copy it. You want to be an outlier? Wait until you're bringing in 50k a month to set the trends. Otherwise, you'll just be passed up. How much work it is can be niche dependent. Fantasy or Sci-Fi Romance might require a lot of talent to get the right look. Contemporary? Easy by comparison. GIMP or Photo Shop work great but there's a learning curve. Also, I recommend Deposit Photos or similar sites for photos/model shots. Don't steal photos off the internet for something you're selling. That will get you in hot water. Remember your cover is the first thing readers see and it needs to sell what you're offering.

5. Write the blurb. Some writers do this first but I am not one of them. It's HARD. However, I cannot stress how important this is to get someone to give your book a look, second only to the cover. It's 100 to 200 words to tell people why they absolutely have to read it! Don't do a summary of the book either. Feed them tropes, give it a hooky intro, draw them in like flies with honey.

6. Get ARCs (Advanced Reader Copy reviews) through a site like Booksprout or SM like Author Facebook groups. It'll get your book in front of eyes and it's lovely having a bit of feedback and some shiny 4 and 5 star reviews queued and ready when you publish.

7. PUBLISH IT. Flip that pancake as we say in the discord group I'm in. Serve it up, see who's biting and keep that griddle hot to make the next one. It will be even better.

And remember, this book will probably not be THE BOOK. And your first pen name will probably not be the one you retire on. It's okay. Every book will teach you something new about who you are as a writer. You'll grow, you'll get better. I'd rather publish a dozen books that are okay if I'm improving than talk about the ONE I'm going to write someday. It's totally worth giving it a whirl.

For more direct tips, feel free to send specific asks. I'm happy to help anytime :)

[irishvampireboy]

Your tags to the shower snacks post!!! YOU GET IT! EXACTLY! Eddie would love it, hell he would bring Steve food while he showers. It would have the added benefit to see a wet naked Steve in all his glory but also that boy knows about the beauty of shower snacks.

Bahahaha! THANK YOUUU!!! HE'D BE A LITTLE SNACK DELIVERY MAN!

{ Okay so this turned into a longer thing than i anticipated, so I'm gonna remore it, but... have a small little ficlet thing i guess!!! Hahaha! Oops!!! }

Yo the first time steve showers at Eddie's he comes out and back into Eddie's room, drying his hair, his clothes sticking to him cuz he's one of those weirdos who barely dries off before struggling into his clothes while still damp, and he's like "what's that little make-shift shelf for in there, man?"

And Eddie is digging in his desk drawer, not really paying attention and he's like,

"Snacks. What else would it be for?" He says this nonchalantly, still digging for god knows what and steve just stares before shouting,

"I KNEW IT!" and scaring the bejesus out of Eddie who finally spins around, hand on his chest like,

"What the fuck Harrington?" His chest shaking as he tries to breathes, and Steve just points at him and is like,

"I KNEW other people had to get hungry in the shower. Nancy and Robin made fun of me BUT I KNEW!" his hand shaking as he continues to point at Eddie who is smiling now, about to start fucking full on giggling when Steve shakes his head, hands falling to his hips and he's like,

"I could kiss you right now. Fuckin knew it." And he breathes the last part, mostly to himself but then he looks back at Eddie he's... a very deep shade of red. And oh.

OH.

And it takes about seven seconds for Steve's brain to catch up and realize Eddie is that color because Steve said he could kiss him, so he closes the space between them, towel forgotten on the floor and he's like,

"Can i?" And Eddie just gulps, eyes huge as they look at Steve, his chest moving irregularly as he struggles to breath.

"Can you?" Eddie asks, brow furrowed, blinking rapidly, his eyes moving over Steve's face like he's trying to fucking speed read Steve's features.

"Kiss you. Can I kiss you? Please?" Steve asks, using his manners an everything. And Eddie barks this adorable incredulous sounding laugh, that Steve takes for a yes, because Eddie had gone another shade darker, so Steve kisses him.

Soft, and sweet, because Eddie clearly is new at this, his hands shaking at his sides, he hadn't even moved to touch Steve, just stood there and moved his lips clumsily against Steve's.

Steve pulls back and smiles, Eddie's eyes stay closed for a moment, and Steve briefly sees the look of concentration that had been on Eddie's face, brows furrowed before they rise high on his head when Steve pulls back and Eddie sways forward, chasing him without meaning too. His eyes flutter open and he smiles when he sees Steve smiling.

"Well shit. If the shower snacks got me a kiss, i can't imagine what my other dumb ideas might get." He breathes, laughing as Steve moves Eddie's hands to rest on his hips, he smiles and moves forward again, pressing close as he says,

"If they line up with my dumb ideas as well as that one, i can imagine just fine." He wiggles his eyebrows and smiles against Eddie's lips as he lurches forward, kissing Steve again.

It's still clumsy, and awkward, but it's also sweet, and warm, just like the rest of Eddie.

[263adder]

British Expressions: Name Edition

Some of my favourite phrases and expressions that I feel more people should know and use. These phrases and expressions all use the names of real people or fictional characters.

1. Gordon Bennett

An exclamation of incredulity equivalent to "Jesus Christ!". A reference to an American James Gordon Bennett Jr., who became infamous in Britain due to his many scandals. Example: "Gordon Bennett, where did you come from?! I didn't hear you come in, are you trying to scare me to death?"

2. Sweet Fanny Adams

Often shorted to Sweet F.A, it is a reference to Fanny Adams, a child who was murdered in 1867. Originally, it meant something of bad quality. Nowadays, it's used interchangeably with "fuck all" (nothing). Example: "That lass knows sweet Fanny Adams!"

3. By Jove

An equivalent to "oh my God". A reference to the Roman god Jupiter (also called Jove; Zeus in Greek mythology). Example: "[Crash] By Jove what was that?!"

4. Scrooge

Named for Ebenezer Scrooge, Charles Dickens' main character in A Christmas Carol, to call someone a Scrooge is to call them a miser, mean or un-festive. Example: "You can be such a Scrooge. Maybe I should start calling you Ebenezer?"

5. Bejesus

Derived from "By Jesus", bejesus is said when someone is surprised. Common in Britain and Ireland. Example: "Bejesus, don't scare me like that!"

[memzhay]

A story of how I gave something my all, and ended up crying in front of new friends who I really wanted to think well of me.

Boxing class #1: I’ve got the Eye of the Tiger

Boxing class #2: Sweet baby Bejesus, help me. I’ve been mauled by a tiger.

I love to take an interest in random ass things. The more far removed from other random ass things I’ve done, the better I like it. So, when I met an MMA fighter and his lovely wife who were very nice and fun to hang out with, and wanted to give me some classes, I figured it was worth a shot. 

I did so good the first time. Maybe it was because it took him longer to explain and we didn’t get to the punching as fast, but tonight, everything still kind of hurt from the other night, and just moving around was so hard. After the warm ups, I did 1 round of 3 minutes with the guy, and that was all I had in me. I could feel that I was about to start sobbing, and when I get really going, it just sort of has to run its course. So, I meeped a little, trying my best to explain, “Hey. I cry a lot. What’s a gal to do?” and then got out of there. 

I don’t feel like a failure per-se. Understand, I am a very large, very sedentary middle aged woman. Maybe twice a week is just too much for me right now. I’m posting this here because I’m still proud of myself for trying. I have a lot of heart. Like Rocky. If he was in much worse shape and didn’t know how to box. I figure, if I can get past how hard it is right now and keep going, maybe I’ll want to look back and remember the time I almost gave up and didn’t. Or maybe my cool new friends would be just as happy to go to a movie as to punch things with me, and that’s good too.

So, if you ever tried something hard and didn’t give up, tell me about it. 💕

[seastarlily]

Nobody asked for this, but here are my least favorite episodes from Seasons 1-3 (AKA the "golden age" of the show).

"Wormy" – while this episode was entertaining, it also scared the bejesus out of me as a kid (that damn close-up, man - holy shit), and left me deeply dissatisfied by the end. I wanted Sandy to explain to SpongeBob and Patrick so badly that the "monster" is in fact Wormy, and that there's nothing to be afraid of - he just went through a process called "metamorphosis". Could have been a great lesson for the little kids watching, but oh well.

“The Great Snail Race” – SpongeBob overworking Gary to get him ready for the race (even though Gary had literally no interest in the race to begin with) was never pleasant to watch. I know this is all meant to lead to a climax where SpongeBob realizes just how hard he pushed his pet, but still – watching Gary crash and burn on the track was brutal. Also, the running gag of everyone mispronouncing Squidward’s last name is unfunny IMO. “Tentacles” is not that hard of a word to read out – I could already do it by the time I was 6/7, so the adult characters have no excuse.

“Grandma’s Kisses” – a nice little episode that teaches kids that it’s more than okay to have a childlike heart and sense of wonder even after you grow up, and that receiving love from relatives is nothing to be ashamed of. However, the ending always left a bad taste in my mouth. It implies that SpongeBob is doomed to a vicious cycle of humiliation. Couldn’t they have just left a tender moment alone? I guess not.

“The Bully” – entertaining episode, but again, the ending… what was the point of that? SpongeBob went through all that trouble with Flats the Flounder, just to be mistaken for a bully himself by the end and have violence threatened on him again (by his own teacher, no less)? I just don’t get it.

“I’m With Stupid” – SpongeBob making himself look stupid to help Patrick impress his parents was a very sweet move on his part, but once Patrick stopped seeing their plan as a plan and started actually viewing SpongeBob as dumb, the episode really started to lose me. And the worst part? Those weren’t even Patrick’s real parents, so it was all for nothing. Plus, watching SpongeBob have a massive emotional breakdown and flee by literally crashing through the wall always made me feel bad for him.

[inpercepto]

I don’t like scary movies.

Honestly I don’t see the point. Why would anyone shell out good money for two hours of anxiety and the possibility of indelible nightmares? The kind that revisit the back of your eyes on rainy nights of insomnia.

I can’t stand jump scares, needle-in-your-eye shock value, or the sight of gelatinous insides. I don’t like spook-house rides or things that go bump in the night. Blame it on my uncle, who used to pop out from behind the couch and frighten the bejesus out of me when I was way too young to get the joke.

Bob is different. He’s sweet, but kind of an idiot. Loves all that shit, from creepy occult to slasher flicks. Has a Creature from the Black Lagoon beer tap in his man cave, and wears a Ghoulardi lapel pin. 

So when I find him studying the Bijou Theater Revival Series calendar, I know what’s coming.  

“Hey Nancy, are we free the fourteenth?”

“I have no idea. Why?”

“The Bijou is showing The Tingler. One time only. They haven’t screened it since it came out in nineteen-fifty-nine.”

“Have fun.” 

“Aw, Nance. Don’t be such a scaredy cat. Vincent Price. Old and corny. Not scary. Not to mention the Percepto! Fun stuff.”

“Percepto? Is that an antacid?”

Bob makes his stink face. “Percepto is a William Castle scare gimmick. Some say his greatest. Theaters would wire some of the seats with electricity. Just enough to give whoever was sitting there a little zap. When the Tingler showed up on screen, you not only saw it, you felt it.” 

“Cute.”

“So c’mon then. Show me how much you love me.”

“Nope.”

“I’m telling you it’s not scary. Pure camp.”

“To you maybe. Remember, I tense up watching Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.” 

“Trust me, you want to see this. Vincent Price performs one of the first on-screen experiments with LSD. And when it was originally released, the distributors sent aircraft deicing motors left over from World War Two to power the seats.”

“I can’t process all that. I’ll come back to the LSD. What motors?”

“Deicing. Used to defrost airplane wings.”

“Fascinating, but no sale. Believe me, you’ll have a better time without me.” 

There is a long silence as Bob mulls his options. “I’ll watch The Crown with you.”

“Whoa. You really want this.”

“Nobody wants to ride a rollercoaster alone.”

“I’m not riding any rollercoasters.” 

“It’s a metaphor.”

I have three episodes left. For Bob it would be the ultimate sacrifice.

“Deal,” says I. 

#

Originally built as a vaudeville house in the late nineteenth century, the Bijou is the oldest movie theater in the city, a treasured gem. A shimmering gold curtain majestically parts to reveal a screen the size of O’Toole’s desert. A monstrous Phantom of the Opera chandelier hangs from an ornamental plaster ceiling. Thalia and Melpomene masks laugh and frown from the proscenium.

This Saturday morning the lobby is crowded. Bob said The Tingler had a cult following, and he wasn’t kidding. Hipsters and geeks stand backed up to the doors for popcorn and jujubes as Bob holds up the box office line, contemplating the seating chart. 

No thanks to Covid, you now have to pre-select your seats which Bob takes very seriously. He finally chooses two in third row center, seats 13 and 14. I’m normally a five-to-seven row back person, but the seat chart was already pretty full. Bob looks to me for the okay, I smile weakly and nod. 

With any luck I’ll be taking a nap.

I get a hot tea and we sidestep to our seats, counting the numbers on the little brass armrest plaques. I settle into #14 comfortably. At five-four and just a bit of a squeeze into a size eight, most theater chairs give me room to spare. Bob, well past his football days and settling farther into life’s couch, has to wriggle into his. 

Bob goes through his pre-show ritual, cleaning his glasses on his tee shirt, and digging out the baggie of homemade Chex Mix he’d smuggled in.

The house lights go down so slowly you don’t realize it’s happening, like your vision dimming before sliding into dream state. Or what I imagine happens in a slow death.

The movie starts with a man in a suit, his back to camera, sitting in a director’s chair. On cue, he stands and turns to address us in glorious black and white.

“I’m William Castle, director of the motion picture you are about to see. I feel obligated to warn you that for the first time in motion picture history, some members of the audience, including you, will actually play a part in the picture and feel some of the shocking sensations experienced by the actors on the screen.” 

Bob nudges me. “Not all these seats may be wired. Be ready to switch if we don’t feel anything.”

Castle continues. “But don’t be alarmed. At any time you are conscious of a tingling sensation, you may obtain immediate relief by screaming.”

Now comes a montage of people screaming. Lots of them. Little mortised screaming faces zooming towards the audience, getting bigger until they dominate the screen. All screaming. 

So much for my nap.

Large white type wipes across the frame. “Don’t be embarrassed to scream, it may save your life!” Followed by… “Guarantee: The Tingler will break loose in this theater while YOU are in the audience.”

Bob’s knees are knocking in anticipatory delight. Like I said, he’s an idiot, albeit a lovable one. But he was right about one thing. This is so dumb I’m actually having fun.  

The movie starts with the same hokey set up you’ve seen plenty of. Mild-mannered, lab-coated Vincent Price is obsessed with the physical effects of fear. He cuts open lots of cadavers who died in horrific circumstances, and determines that extreme fear can actually crack your spine. 

I look over at Bob, carefully chewing his Chex Mix so as not to make sounds in his head.

Ten minutes later a deaf mute woman has a hallucinatory nightmare that she’s being chased by an axe murderer and other scary stuff, and dies in a fit of silent agony. “Cause of Death,” says the coroner’s report, is “Extreme Fright.”

Vincent Price performs the autopsy and discovers a parasite that looks like an Italian sub-sized grub worm attached to the deaf mute’s spine. He hypothesizes that the parasite feeds on fear and, unless that fear is somehow released, can grow strong enough to break your spine. Vincent dubs the creature, “The Tingler.”

 With furrowed brow, Vincent returns to his lab for further research, and decides to induce his own fear by taking a dose of LSD. He freaks out, imagining skeletons are after him and generally overacts his googly eyes out. But when he starts to scream, the apparitions stop.

Bottomline: The only way to survive the Tingler is to scream your bloody head off. And since the deaf mute woman couldn’t scream, she went kaputski.

I can’t believe I’m actually following this. 

I should add that after Vincent Price pulls the Tingler off the woman’s spine, he puts it in a bag and takes it home, like a freakish carnival goldfish. Anyway, you won’t believe this, but the Tingler escapes and hits the town, eventually wandering into a crowded movie theater.

So now we’re sitting in a movie house, watching a movie of people watching a movie in a movie house. The fourth wall comes down, and all hell breaks loose. Here we go. Let the chair-zapping begin.

I’ll admit it was a pretty neat trick. Vincent Price runs into the theater on screen. The audience turns to look at him, and us. Vincent’s voice sounds as if he’s at the back of our theater, and we turn around like suckers just in case he’s really there. He’s not. We turn back to the screen in time to see a woman in the movie get attacked by the Tingler. She screams. A woman somewhere in the back of our theater (possibly a plant?) screams. We all turn around again. 

Which theater am I supposed to be paying attention to? Where am I supposed to look? Somebody’s going to get a case of whiplash.  

There are over-the-top comic screams scattered around the Bijou, though not nearly as many as I expected. My best guess is the wired seats are few and far between and the voltage is weaker than a coin-operated motel Magic Fingers massage. Incidentally I don’t feel a thing, which as far as I’m concerned, is a gift. I would’ve paid twice as much for an unwired seat.

Bob obviously has one. He is bellowing like a stuck gator. I actually jump, sloshing tea on my corduroys.

I make out the silhouette of an usher coming down the aisle, grazing people on the back of their necks with what looks like a rubber lobster. Everybody—our live audience and the on-screen audience—is screaming together.

But Bob is shrieking like he means it, hands clawing his face, wearing an expression of sheer terror. Twisted, strained, quivering.

What a ham.

He’s kind of creeping me out. I give him a shake. “Cool it,” I shush, which he ignores, beginning to twitch. His hands shoot out from his face, catching his eyeglasses, sending them flying in the dark. 

The Tingler is running amok, both on the screen and in the form of two pimple-faced ushers and aforementioned rubber lobsters. People on the screen are running for their lives. People in our audience are hooting it up. 

Suddenly the Tingler is silhouetted on the screen like it’s in our very own projection booth, slithering over the projector’s glass lens. The screen goes dark, as if the Tingler has shut down the projector. The theater plunges into total black, save the exit signs.

Somebody yells, I have no idea who or from where. “Ladies and Gentlemen, please do not panic. But scream! Scream for your lives!”

Bob isn’t epileptic, but you wouldn’t know it. Legs kicking wildly, bucking and convulsing. His screams are so loud he’s getting attention despite the chaos. Not the good kind. I clamp my hand over his mouth. His eyes bug out like ping pong balls. He swats at my hand, but I manage to hold it there. 

The picture on screen resumes in time for us to see Vincent Price throw a net over the Tingler and save the day. The movie wraps up with a happy ending and a sigh of cornball relief.

I take my hand off Bob’s mouth. His head flops sideways, tongue lolling out, eyes rolled back. I hear myself scream.

#

The EMTs got there just before the cops. Bob was no response for a literal heart-stopping four-and-a-half minutes. In a fit of hysteria I told them to check his spine. A cool-headed woman asked for someone to restrain me while she applied a defibrillator, which, after several more shocks to Bob’s system, did the trick. A dopey eyed Bob smiled up at me. One of the sweetest smiles I’ve ever seen. 

The theater manager stood by, a moon-faced guy in his thirties, quietly trembling in scuffed Oxfords. His eyes, vacant and hollow, began to water as Bob rejoined the living.

“I knew this was a mistake,” he said in a weak voice.

This guy was clearly damaged goods. I kept my mouth shut and let him get it off his chest.

“This stupid movie. Bad luck. Bad bad luck. I swore this theater would never show it again after what happened the first time, but I let them talk me into it. This is all on me.”

I stepped towards him. “Happened the first time? How much voltage was in those chairs anyway?”  

Glazed eyes looked at me in incredulous anguish. “Are you insane? I wouldn’t wire those seats if my life depended on it. I don’t need that kind of karma.” 

“Wait, are you saying nobody’s seat was electrified?” 

“Absolutely not. At this point it’s like Rocky Horror. People just play along and scream on cue. The ushers follow the script and do the rubber lobster bit, but that’s it. The whole thing’s just a nostalgia goof. Where’d you get the idea we wired the seats?” 

I looked over at Bob, telling the paramedic he was holding up four fingers when he was only showing three. 

One of the cops was taking notes. “What did happen ‘the first time?’”

The manager sat on the lobby couch and took a deep breath. 

“In nineteen-fifty-nine, when the distributor sent the film, for some reason they didn’t send the motors,  just instructions on how to wire the seats. A low-voltage schematic, but my grandfather didn’t know his AC from his DC and hired some dumb kid to do it. Good kid, looking to impress my grandfather, pretending to know more than he did.

“Kid said he could handle it. Only he forgot the limit switch and neglected to ground it properly. Most of the seats worked okay, but one of them, with a direct line to the power source, was over amped. Four-thousand volts worth. Sizzled a man to his seat on opening night. Took a week to get rid of the smell of burnt hair. Haunted my grandfather for the rest of his life.

“Almost cost him the theater. Luckily, the deceased was a loner, no family, the courts took pity on the kid, and no charges were pressed. By some miracle, it stayed out of the papers.”

“That’s horrible. So why’d you show it?” 

“I didn’t want to. State film board begged me at the behest of some anonymous donor with big bucks and a thing for fifties spook-show publicity stunts. Said this was the only theater that could do it justice. I refused. Then I got a call the tourism board, then the Mayor’s office and then the Mayor himself, for crying out loud.” 

The manager hung his head. “They do a lot for this theater, and not only in state funding. They just nominated us for historic landmark status, which is a huge tax break. I caved.”

I heard Bob softly singing the Banana Splits theme song. Back to his old self. Nevertheless, they wanted to keep him overnight for tests. Said I could ride in the ambulance.

I had one last question, but was almost too afraid to ask. I have trouble enough sleeping as it is. “The man who died. Do you know what seat he was in?”

I shuddered at the answer, the same one you’ve already guessed. If I was a scaredy cat before, from here out, I’ll be a full-blown basket case.

[absolutebl]

Plus and Minus - an unassuming little cheese fest

quick pitch

Plus & Minus 

(Taiwan April-June on Viki) 

8/10

Main Tropes: friends to lovers, LTR, office romance, (himbo) sunshine/tsundere, found family, himbo

AKA Plus and Minus AKA PlusMinus 

From the creators of Be Loved In House, co-produced by Taiwanese and Japanese media, starring Shi Cheng Hao (HIStory3: Make Our Days Count). Some crossover cast and familiar faces, tons of cameos from See You After Quarantine, Be Loved In House: I Do and HIStory 3. Hot bartender + jaded nerdy single dad side couple. 

This is a solid safe little BL. 

Jung and Fu have been codependent besties for 20 years but every decade or so Jung gets rip-roaring drunk and kisses the bejesus out of Fu. This leads to... confusion. Very much a sunshine himbo vs pining tsundere pairing. Nice to have Taiwan back in the game and I do love their style. Is queer classy a thing, like the opposite of camp but still VERY cheesy? Kinda the antidote to SCOY, should you need such a thing. Which I DO. 

Lots of domesticity and boyfriends being cute boyfriends, occasional dumb drama, but gay boys and chaos bis? What can ya do?

Both couples are really good but that’s not uncommon with Taiwan (although for me the chemistry felt slightly off). The pacing of this series is good with some waffling, but the beats of the narrative are really unusual, making it HARD to predict.

There was a couple dreaded unnecessary break ups and I remained confused over the use of the baseball field. But all in all, I’m satisfied. It’s not groundbreaking but it is a solid sweet unassuming little show. 

RECOMMENDED

(source)

[behind-the-hood]

Okay, so, this is @avatarstudios, but I want them to make the next avatar tv show about the second avatar. Wan's successor. The little air nation child that follows after him. I want that. I want to see Wan and Raava and the new avatar all being very confused and maybe the child freaking out a little bit because one day they're just a peaceful little monk minding their own business amidst this war going on, and the next they're in danger, life threatened, and they glow up and scare the bejesus out of everyone around them, and then they panic, cause "oh spirits, what just happened?!?!" And Wan is suddenly there, old, confused, trying to figure out why he's suddenly appeared in front of this child who is decidedly not from the spirit world; Raava isn't much help cause she didn't know she'd be moving on to a new person--let alone a new born baby--and have to watch that mortal thing grown into a person.

Idk, there's some kinks to it. I just want to watch the confusion and the learning curve and the mentor/apprentice relationship, the bonding, all that ooey-gooey sweetness. I just...I crave it.

[auroralightsthesky]

Hey hope you are doing well so I'm a little late on this but I had an idea. Easy company and the reader going to a haunted house. Maybe with a little more focus on Toye and Roe with the reader cuz they are my favs :P

Oh dahling no worries, I'm more than happy to do this, sorry if this is really late in coming I had to pound out two research papers and do a full day at work. But either way, ya'll have asked and the genie shall deliver (lol).

This was a horrible idea.......a God awful, terrible idea.

"I don't think I can do this," you said.

"(y/n), honey we ain't gonna be there forever," Gene told you. "We're gonna do what we've gotta do and then head out in the morning."

Your face twisted into a terrified grimace. Of all the places in the whole of Louisiana, why did it have to be THAT goddamned place?

Castle Manor was clearly not a place you wanted to be, especially after hearing all sorts of terrifying legends and lore that would have scared the bejesus out of Marie Laveau herself.

You walked past the gates of the St. Louis Cemetery, your fingers curling around the pendant that bore an image of Baron Samedi and Maman Bridgitte. Though you and Gene had lived in New Orleans for years after his first two tours of duty, you knew that this place was a hotbed for spirit activity. It was a city built on centuries of bloodshed, criminal underworlds, the slave trades, debaucheries and terror. You could feel it and even see it every time you went up to Lake Pontchartrain for a weekend with Gene and Grandmere'. Even Gene could sense it too.

Through crowded streets, the two of you walked, the tantalizing smells of beignets coming from the doors of Café DuMonde while the bars and restaurants prepped their own meals for the evening and for the next day.

"Is Joe meeting us there?" you asked.

"Yeah, Toye said he'd meet us there," Gene told you, gripping your hand assuringly. "Don't worry, Father Maguire will be there to make sure nothing goes wrong."

You felt an overwhelming sense of dread as you and Gene approached Castle Manor with its imposing pillars and the swags of willow, cypress and drooping Spanish mosses hanging from the branches. Sure enough, Father Maguire was waiting outside with Toye.

"Took your sweet time getting here," Toye remarked, finishing off his cigarette before stamping it out on the ground.

"Are they gone?" Gene asked. "The whole family?"

"Everybody left a little over an hour ago," Father Maguire said, his thick Irish brogue creeping into his voice. "And all the better for it."

"And yours?" you asked.

"Betty's at the rectory with the grandchildren," he replied. "I'd have her help, but by God this is no place for anyone other than us. Be gettin' the shudders just thinkin about what's in there."

You and Gene both shuddered at the thought. "Alright," Gene said. "Let's get this over with."

Father Maguire had the three of you stand close by as he gave the blessing for the three of you. As soon as he had said the Our Father and the Hail Mary, it was go-time.

That same dreaded feeling returned as you entered the house, the heaviness weighing on your shoulders and growing worse as the three of you ventured to certain parts of the house. You didn't want to be anywhere near this place. Going up the grand staircase to the upper level of the manor was absolute torture as the past of the house began to flash before your eyes.

All through your mind you could see the frightening things that had occurred, bloodstains, the flash of a silver blade, the drawing of odd symbols on the floors and a terrible, ear-bleeding scream that sent a chill up your back.

"Love?" Gene asked. "Love you ok?"

"I don't know," you replied, the pain in your head growing worse. Perhaps it was a bad migraine......but no. No......this was far too dreadful to be that.

"Gene we've gotta get out of here," you said. "This is too....."

"AGH!!!!! SHIT!!!!" Gene yelped.

Quickly you helped him whip off his shirt while all along his back were jagged scratch marks, deep crimson and beginning to drip. You clamped a hand over your mouth to keep from screaming, but neither Joe or Father Maguire were without shock, their eyes wide and full of terror when they saw for themselves.

"God in Heaven," the priest hissed before crossing himself.

"Let's finish this," Gene said. "Once and for all."

The three of you stood together with your hands linked as you, Gene, Joe and Father Maguire went about the house, imploring whatever was there to get out and never return. Your voices thundered throughout the halls as you felt the thing's energy roiling, writhing as the prayers bound its power and the fear it projected. Once more, the verses of the Our Father spilled from your tongues like fire, hot and frightening when at the last word the window at the top of the grand staircase shattered as a huge, black shadow flew from the house, bursting into a bright flame as the rising sun outside hit it.

Out of breath and shaking the three of you were hit with a relief you had never known before. Months and months of trying to rid the damn house of that thing and it was finally gone.

Gene pulled you into a hug, his back still stinging a bit but relieved that it was finally over. Even Joe couldn't help but wrap his arms around the two of you. "C'mon," Gene said. "Let's go home."

The four of you went home, eager to be away from that place and to finally put it behind you.

[elizabethcrain]

oh you know..eddie munson being eddie munson 😙

please tell me if this is good. i’ll keep writing. this is my first time EVER writing ANYTHING. so keep me posted ;).

um fluff probably

It’s currently storming pretty bad here in Hawkins, Indiana.

you and your boyfriend eddie are currently laying in his bed smoking a joint. chatting about Jason from school.

“he’s such a dick! i personally don’t know how he pulled chrissy she’s so sweet and pretty and he’s just..ugly and a bitch” you cringe while eddie giggles faintly.

“I mean you have a point. well not that i’m agreeing that she’s pretty..i mean she is!! just not like that!” he says defending himself and passing the joint to you.

“no i’m good i think i’ve has enough. and i know what you meant. you’re fine” you laugh and push his hand away. Eddie nods his head and takes a big hit then put out the joint for later. a big sound wave of thunder clapped and scared the bejesus out of you so bad you jump.

“scaredy-cat” Eddie taunts laughing at the way the thunder frightened you. “shut the fuck up.” you say hitting his chest and getting up from the bed and looking out the window to see how bad the weather is. you think of something and turn around to look at eds and say, “we should go outside!! and dance!!” walking torwards eddie on the bed.

“hell no! are you insane? it’s literally thundering and lightning out!” he exclaims quite loudly. “oh come on! i’ve always wanted to dance in a thunderstorm when i was little. and my mom wouldn’t let me. please tell me you aren’t gonna boss me around like my mother. now are you?” you say coming closer to him by crawling torwards him in the bed to sit on his lap. he places his hands on your hips and runs them up and down to your hips to your waist and says,

“okay fine! only for ten minutes!” while grabbing your waist and lifting you off his lap and on the bed. “yay!! okay let’s go!!” you say getting off the bed and grabbing his hand to go outside.

“aren’t you gonna put pants on first? you’re only wearing one of my shirts?” he says pulling down your shirt by the bottom and spinning you and making sure you can’t see anything.

“well can you see anything?” you say looking back at him.

“well..no but i don’t want our neighbors seeing anything.” he says turning you back around.

“our neighbors are max and a old couple. i think i should be fine.” you say giggling and hugging him by the waist. “okay, now let’s go!!” you say coming out of the hug and grabbing his hand to drag him outside. he’s sighs and says, “okay sweetheart! no rush.” while running with you out of his room and out of door to go outside.

you swing open the door and go down the stairs and run in the road with eddie, dancing and giggling and having the best time of your life.

after a while of dancing eddie looks at you and pulls you into him and says, “i love you so much” while pulling you into a kiss.

“i love you too darling” you say kissing him back.

Meanwhile,

“they’re so cute” max says to lucas. “i know i never thought that eddie could be so..romantic” lucas says surprised while looking at you and eddie.

“i wish you were like that” max says to lucas looking at him. “i am like that!! what do you mean!!” he says looking at her with wide eyes. “lucas chill out im only kidding!” she says laughing.

“whatever” lucas says pouting but then laughs a few seconds later because he’s just happy to see that max is finally laughing after a very long time.

HOW DID YOU LIKE IT?? i’m so sorry if it’s bad. i tried. ❤️