#what is wrong with me why did i do this to myself??

[happydayshappygays]

Catfish part 2

“I am sick and tired of you two!” I watched as a pissed off Leah paced the room, her nostrils flaring and her hands clenched into tight fists. “You just can’t help yourselves, god forbid I have a relaxing day off with my girlfriend.” She continued to pace, I wince at the tone of her voice, shrinking into myself in slight fear.

It’s been a month since Leah and I had finally met, and since then we had spent every possible moment together. Which meant I got to know her teammates extremely well, Katie is the one person Leah probably wished I had never interacted with. Leah had become the butt of jokes and the target for pranks every time we were in a room with Katie.

“I can’t believe you’d do something so stupid after I told you last week to stop.” She had stopped pacing, instead opting to stand in front of us with her arms crossed over her chest and fixing the both of us with an intense glare. Katie had to stifle her laugh, not intimidated by Leah’s glare in the slightest. Mainly because her now bright pink hair made her look like a pouty barbie.

“Katie” she said with as much venom in her tone as possible. “don’t make me call your girlfriend.” That was enough for Katie to shrink back in her seat and huff grumpily to herself. “This is blackmail” she mumbled.

“And what about it? My hair is pink!” Leah all but screamed, pointing frantically to her hair. I had managed to avoid being obliterated by her anger thus far, and I wasn’t about to put myself in the same position as Katie, so I stayed quiet.

“Yeah but it suits you so is it really that bad?” Katie smirked up at her. Big mistake. Leah took one step forward, Katie’s smirk falling from her face, most likely praying to any god that would listen to open up a hole in the ground and take her anywhere else.

“Is it really that bad?” Leah repeats, tone sharp. “Is it really that bad? Let me think…” Leah gripped the collar of Katie’s shirt and pulled her to her feet “if I dyed Coopurr green would it really be that bad?” Katie looked mortified, whether it was from the fact Leah had now lifted her off the ground, her feet barely grazing the floor, or if it was the subtle threat that soon her cat would look like a lab experiment gone wrong, I didn’t know.

“Leah, babe. Let’s put Katie back down yeah?” I say calmly, hoping my tone would break the tense atmosphere.

Leah looked back at me, her eyes flicking back and forth between my eyes before ultimately deciding to do what I said. Except she didn’t just put her down, she added a little shove in that had Katie stumbling backwards with a yelp of surprise. Leah smirked to herself before turning her attention to me. “So. Babe.” she licked her lips, eyeing me with something scarily evil glinting in her eyes. “What do you have to say about this?”

“Well” I cleared my throat, rubbing my sweaty palms on my jeans. “I did participate in the prank, I think you look absolutely breathtaking and I’m sorry.” My words flew out of my mouth at a speed I didn’t know I was capable of, eyes squeezing shut as I anticipated Leah reacting in a similar way to how she had reacted with Katie.

When I heard nothing, I peeked an eye open. Leah was staring at me, head tilted slightly to the side as the corners of her mouth quirked up into a soft smile. Ultimately. Leah found it impossible to stay mad at me. Even though we had made her look like she had just escaped from a candyfloss factory and she would be hiding it underneath a hat until it washed away. “Katie.” she spared her a quick glance over her shoulder “go home before I change my mind about turning your cat into a fluffy green goblin.”

Katie might as well have thrown herself out of the room with the speed at which she scarpered away. “Baby, why did you and Katie have to become friends?” she pouted at me, throwing her arms up like a toddler having a tantrum. “I preferred it when she thought you were insufferable.”

“That was for like a week babe, and only because she thought I was catfishing you.” I run my hands up and down her arms and watch her shoulders slump into a more relaxed state.

“At least I wasn’t being ganged up on, I liked it better that way.” She leaned her body into mine, dropping her head to my shoulder.

“From what I heard, you were moping about the training grounds for weeks on end so… still prefer it that way?” She huffs and pinches my side.

We stayed like that for a while, stood in the middle of her living room, wrapped up in each others arms. A comfortable silence floated around us, neither one of us willing to break the atmosphere.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks later, Leah was still sporting her pink hair, it had faded to a pastel pink. Leah had stopped hiding it once it wasn’t as bright and she actually came to love the colour of it.

“Baby, are you ready? The girls are waiting for us.” Leah shouted up the stairs, I had been staying at her house for just over a week, she had refused to let me leave, dragging me back into bed and gripping me so tight I almost lost my breath. She had only let me leave to pick up some stuff from my house, as long as I came straight back ‘no dawdling’ as she put it.

“Yes my love, I’m ready, just putting my jacket on.” I reply, coming down the stairs as I do up the buttons on my jacket. “What are we doing again?”

“Well, since it was Katie’s turn to choose the activity today, she chose axe throwing. Alessia tried opting out cause she’s a clutz and didn't want to accidentally kill anyone but you know Katie. She’s got Lessi wrapped around her little finger.” Leah continued to ramble as we walked down the driveway and as she opened the car door for me, only pausing once the door was shut and she had to circle the car to get in.

“What was I saying again?”

“More than I asked for.” I tease, grinning as her hand dropped to rest on my thigh. “Is Katie sure this is the place she wants you in right now? I mean, you have spent the last two weeks throwing things at her every time you see her.” Leah had forgiven Katie already, the same night we died her hair to be exact. But she was thriving off of Katie’s fear every time an object was flying at her head.

“You know, one of these days she’s not gonna duck and you’re gonna have to deal with Captain mum shouting at you.” Leah groans and rolls her eyes. We had this same conversation a few days ago, her reply being ‘Kimmy would never’ which she was vehemently wrong about as Kimmy had indeed shouted at Leah yesterday. Granted, it was early and Kimmy hadn’t had her coffee yet, but it still set Leah on edge and made her pout for the rest of the day.

“Don’t start again babe, you’ve been enjoying winding Katie up as much as I have.” And she was right, I had joined in with Leah’s torture on the poor girl, it had started as a comment in passing about what colour Leah was going to dye Coopurr. The way she had paled slightly and gulped like the very thought of her precious Coopurr being violated in such a way was the worst thing she had ever imagined.

It had snowballed since then, I said and did anything I could to set her on edge. So much so that she had probably gone back to thinking I am insufferable. “Alright, let’s get this over with.” Leah sighed, axe throwing was not her idea of fun.

“You know I love you right?” I glance at her, seeing the way her eyes light up and the tips of her ears turn pink, matching her hair perfectly. “I do, and I love you too.” She leaned over, pressing her lips softly to mine “so much.”

[baelogi]

love me back ✶ sjy female reader word count 0.8k genre romance high school popular!jake ✉️ @okwonyo

love was something special, woven from the fragments of old heartbreak and first experiments. you could say you experienced love, in one form or the other. however, falling in unrequited love seemed to be your specialty at this point.

it was your third rejection and you couldn’t help but wonder what was so wrong with you. was it the way you approached them? the way you talked? did you spit when you spoke to them? or was it the way you fidgeted with your skirt when confessing?

all in all you found comfort in the quiet classroom as you stared out the window watching the life of others. the box of cookies in front of you were soggy and cold, the pink bow taunting you once again. this would be your third batch of cookies tossed into the garbage bin.

perhaps it was the cookies? what if they didn’t like cookies and preferred cupcakes? or a chocolate bar even. or no pastries at all?

while in the midst of your complicating thoughts, jake—your best friend, slid the classroom door open, smiling instinctively when he saw you.

“thought you went home already?” jake’s voice snapped you out of your daze, startling you slightly. “i was gonna wait for you,” you pointed towards the window indicating his soccer practice.

he was clad in his black jersey and shorts, a bit of sweat lined his forehead but he still managed to look ethereal in the dim light.

“oh,” he once again smiled walking over to sit beside you. “you didn’t have to, i know how tired you are.” jake snuck a piece of hair behind your ear as you sulked in your palm.

“what’s the matter, hm?” he noticed you toying with the box of cookies, eyes droopy and lips jutting out dejectedly.

you sighed before laying your head down on your desk, looking away from jake and hoping he didn’t notice your flushed cheeks. “do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

“it what way?” he continued to play with your hair, fingers running through your locks.

“i don’t know, in like a love way. i tried confessing again and i got rejected, again.”

jake’s fingers halted in your hair, eyebrows furrowing before he spoke, “you confessed? to who?” jake bit the inside of his cheek thinking about how you had eyes for everyone else but him—when he was right in front of you.

“some kid from my art class, he’s on your soccer team. i thought he liked me.” you turned to face jake.

it was jake’s turn to sigh, “i know why you’re being rejected all the time.” your head perked up at his statement and you moved closer to listen to him.

would you finally have a cure to this madness?

“i told every boy in the school you were off limits.” jake almost looked proud of himself as he spoke, a small smirk beginning to grow on his lips.

“jake! why would you say that?” you were absolutely appalled to hear that your best friend was the reason behind your nonexistent love life.

“because i’ve been waiting for you to love me back.” jake said it like it was the easiest thing in the world, and to him, loving you was.

for you, you could feel the years of forcing yourself to like someone else other than your best friend brewing. you had told yourself that it wasn’t normal to like your friend—he was a friend for a reason.

jake pulled your chair until you collided with his legs—trapping you between them. “you don’t know how many threats it took for it to actually get through their heads. i couldn’t have someone else taking my girl away from me.” his hand rested on your exposed thigh drawing circles on your warm skin.

“why didn’t you stop me from making a fool of myself to all of those boys?” half of you felt flustered about his confession while the other felt angry—you looked like a idiot!

“oh my god! you were there when i was making those boys all these cookies! do you know how expensive all of that supplies was? you’re paying me back every cent—!”

your words were cut short when jake smashed his lips into yours, he snaked his hand towards your nape to keep you in place as he desperately and longingly kissed you. jake smiled cockily at the way you tried backing away from him but reluctantly melting into him, finding a comfortable pace.

“as your boyfriend, you can cut me some slack, no?” jake rested his forehead on yours after pulling away, softly running the pad of his thumb on your cheek.

“you’re not my boyfriend.” you scowled at him.

“not yet, but i will be.”

[luvlyhyunjin]

Fallen Star┃Jake Sim

nine -the devil and angel are entangled. warnings: smut and a bit of angst.

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You’re having a bad day. It did not necessarily start that way. In fact, your morning started out as one of the best in quite a while, from waking up ten minutes earlier than your alarm to the pleasant quietness that had swirled around in your apartment settling that same pleasant emotion to swim through every nook and cranny of your being.

And so, you find yourself going on a coffee run before heading to the company, a charming smile adorns your face that gets you a free blueberry muffin. It all falls perfectly into the pleasurable warm buzz in your chest. like pieces of a puzzle flumping into place. Crumbs of joy that had managed to find its way into you, separating the collective graying clouds of heartbreak you’ve been lying on for a couple of days.

But oh, you were so wrong. You should have known these clouds are gonna be replaced with a burning fire instead. One that you became too familiar with. It sets your soul ablaze every time you come face to face with the devil’s facet, clad in designer brands and doused in a seemingly uncanny aptitude for getting on your nerves.

Jake Sim.

“What the fuck is this?” he almost spits, a grimace clinging to his handsome features and a glare saturated with the same fire that’s burning inside of you.

“Coffee?” you reply, drily. Your gaze flickers between his eyes and the cup of coffee you handed to him ten seconds ago.

“It tastes like absolute shit. What kind of milk is this?” your hand twitches against your chest, you fight against an otherworldly urge to just smack him across the head and maybe pull on his perfectly styled hair that somehow manages to add grams of beauty to his already perfectly sculpted face –

Okay. Taking a deep breath in, you manage to trap in your wild thoughts for a mere second as you clear your throat.

“Califia. Isn’t that what you like?”

“This is not Califia.” he declares. His head swivels towards you with a deepening glare that somehow has your insides tying into knots. His eyes shouldn’t affect you this much but the dusted colors of dark brown and a light black on his lids only add sharpness to them. It has you pathetically kneeling into desire.

From behind him Sunoo sighs, abandoning his work on jake’s face and his brushes to walk away from the growing heated argument he knows is bound to happen. He has been a witness to it close to a hundred times by now.

“Call me when you’re done.” He calls to the both of you with a yawn. It falls on deafening ears as you attempt, fragilely so to glare back at Jake.

“it’s what I asked them for I don’t know what to tell you Jake.” Even his name leaves a bitter taste on your tongue, melting into something darker that you ignore.

“Well clearly someone is lying here.”

“it’s not like I can make the coffee myself.”

“Then don’t bring me something I didn’t ask for.”

“I’m just trying to be nice.”

“that’s not working very well for you, isn’t it bunny?” his tight brows and tongue poking his cheek shouldn’t also affect you, but it does. Perhaps that’s why it annoyed you, the fact that he was just so attractive yet so annoying. Pulling you apart with confusion. It all bleeds into frustration that bubbles up in your blood, so you huff. Refusing to accept defeat.

“I’ll get you a different one.”

You try to reach for his cup that he has deemed worthless, placed it on top of the table across from him. His hand circles your wrist before you do. His fingers are cold against your pulse, sending shivers down your spine and a pitiful gasp bubble at the back of your throat. Coming up with immense force and almost spills your deviant cravings right at jake’s face. You bite on your lower lip just in time to kill your embarrassment.

“Just get me a protein bar instead. I’m not in the mood for coffee anymore.” The lack of emotions in his tone is antithetical to the masses dancing in his eyes. growing darker in color, splashed with undeniable desire. Making itself so evident when he glances down at your bitten lips.

You swallow around nothing. Your eyes prancing between his as if it’s ever possible for fire to be added upon more fire. Like it could consume you whole and turn you into ashes that simply lays at the feet of the nation’s sweetheart. Another countless victim to the glistening of him. You don’t know who you should start throwing the blanket of blame on first. Your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you and left you to deal with despair on your own? Or perhaps it was the perpetrator who started this little game of mouse and cat? Translating itself into endless staring contests between the two of you and you always end up losing somehow.

It only got somehow rapidly worse over the week. Jake will peek at you in the most random of times. Between the fluttering of his lashes as he’s getting his face done for whatever upcoming programme or in the between the crowds of nameless people and amid the loads of work, you’re being crushed under. His eyes would find you one way or another. A thin line on the verge of breaking stays between you two. It’s in the lingering of his stare when you’re stuck in the van in the middle of unmoving traffic. He rests his chin in the heart of his palm and a wandering curiosity laces his gaze with a dazzling intensity. They’re piercings and more than anything clear.

Capturing you in place with the overwhelming knowledge that he knows exactly what he wants. It almost has you melting against the leather of the car seats. Like a flower loitering amongst many, almost blending in with everything else and hoping to be lucky enough to get picked. It’s pathetic. You grow hateful at it so quickly it should be alarming. It meshes into you taking it as a challenge, daring yourself not to be the first to be weakened and look away.

A smirk disperses across Jake’s lips each time with no fail and you stumble on your cold façade, swaying and drenched in a feeble coated loneliness. Yet with a coarse heart you take and take until you snapped.

It happened two days ago.

After a long day of work you find yourself in the all-too familiar elevator of the company. An Aching body and a hazy mind. Jake has his head thrown back against the wall behind him, his Prada sunglasses covering his eyes while Jay is next to him scrolling through his phone mindlessly. You bask in this rare tranquility for a few seconds before it’s interrupted by a huge group of staff members. Invading the cramped space. With a sigh and deflating shoulders, you move to make space. Squishing yourself into a corner as you hug yourself in futile attempts to make yourself appear smaller than you already are.

You’re surprised when another smaller group joins in as well leaving little to no room to breathe. Jake is somehow pushed right next to you and into your space. His scent breaks its way through to you before you feel him against your back, his chest pressed against you, and he uses his palm to rest on the wall right next to your head that is refusing to face him. Instead thanking God and the heavens above at the lack of mirrors in this specific elevator.

The last thing you want right now is catch your own reflection or even worse – Jake’s reflection.

The sudden proximity has your heart picking speed as you haven’t been this close to Jake before, his expensive perfume almost chokes you when someone pushes him again. Causing him to press you further against the wall. You’re starting to feel suffocated. It only ever becomes worse when you grow hyperaware of his chest raising and falling against your back, his breath fans against your exposed neck and you shiver.

“You good, bunny?” Jake murmurs into the back of your head, his other arm coming up to splay his hand flat against the wall, successfully caging you in. his voice is low yet soft. Softer than any other time he had spoken to you before, tenderly causing tingles to linger at the top of your spine.

Jake had never spoken to you gently before if he’s not blunt and cold. He is teasing you with harmless insults and perhaps that’s why his tone has specifically broke you that day. It blazed a trail down your being, nestling in the middle of your stomach and travelling down right to your core.

When was the last time someone had spoken to you this softly?

You can’t come up with a good enough answer. Not to the question swimming around in your fizzy mind or the one Jake threw at you. you’re flickering, wobbling on this thin line between you and your eyes are following the trail of veins on his hands. They look so strong that your brain melts and turns into mush, the only thought arising on top of everything is that he could fuck you right now and you would definitely let him.

Maybe that’s why when your lips separate a phantom of a whimper escapes you, ringing in Jake’s ears when you start squirming, pushing your lower half back against him in the process. You aren’t sure if you’re trying to get away or closer to him.

“What are you doing?” He groans, pushing further into you to stop your constant movement. The sound sends another unwanted shudder through your body.

“I can’t breathe.” You hang your head, disgrace marring your cheeks in red at the way you catch yourself in a lie. The way your eyes have glazed over, and there’s a haze turning your mind into a jumbled mess. forcing you into the lust you have been denying the existence of for days now.

You can’t breathe.

And it’s not because of this cage you found yourself trapped in, it’s because of him.

“we’re almost there.” His voice is almost like a distance dangled comfort, offered by some pitying god that you refuse to take despite your sinful thoughts and so you grow quiet, equally terrified at acknowledging the fact you want him.

You feel like a stumbling mess all the way home, with wobbly legs and a quivering heart that somehow always manages to make itself your worst enemy. You don’t allow yourself the pleasure to scour the thoughts swirling in your mind for answers. Instead, you mellow out into the tingling electricity that had lingered on your back. As if his scent seared itself onto you, you end up touching yourself in the middle of your bed. myriad of visions invades your mind. They’re mostly of Jake’s hands and intensive stare. A glorious fire that takes you so high up and only when you’re down do you realize;

Oh, you’re so fucked.

“yn,” jake’s annoyed voice pulls you right back into the current situation you’re in. he arches a brow at you and you blink, breaking yourself out of a daze.

Daydreaming about your boss who happens to be in front of you right now is a different kind of fucked. One that you didn’t have in your bingo card for this year.

“Right. Protein bar I’m on it.” You free your wrist from his grip easily, he falls back into his seat with suspicion mixed with irritation that has him biting on his lower lip. A habit that you grew to hate so quickly. It has you straightening your back and moving away in a stiff manner. As if you’re an alien that just learned how to walk on human ground.

“You okay?” Jay asks you when you manage to faceplant right into his chest as soon as you’re out of the room, a breath of a chuckle escapes him at your expression.

You only give him an equally stiff thumbs up, a blush so deeply red spreads across your cheeks like an exposure to all the corrupted fantasies that found your brain and made it their home. It’s so ridiculous you don’t even welcome them so why are they taking over you as if you are a dried up branch flourishing back to life with none other than your desire for Jake Sim out of all people.

You will not allow it.

You catch yourself in another lie when afternoon rolls around. Passing by you with a blur drenched in misfortunate mishaps. It all begins with an inexplainable discussion you end up in with one of the staff members, you don’t recognize her so you think she must be new. She saw you next to Jake earlier that morning and apparently thought it was funny to joke about you and him fucking and perhaps it hit way too close to him. Perhaps because it is something you’ve been thinking about for nights upon nights but it had angered you so much. To the point where you decide to give her a piece of your mind when you run into her in the bathroom.

Despite the smell of actual shit surrounding you, your anger doesn’t subside. In fact, it only grows bigger when the girl rolls her eyes at you and walks away in the middle of you talking. You screamed, hitting your hand against the wall.

And that’s how you ended up with a broken nail. A bandage that has a fucking bunny on it of all animals wrapped around your pinky and a scowl not nearly as cute plastered on your face. You are startled when the door of the dressing room opens, your stare flits across Jake’s figure that dawdles past you followed by Sunghoon. You sink further into the couch you’re sitting on. Annoyance pulling at you when your silence is interrupted.

“Oh, hey yn.” Sunghoon greets, notices your figure that is being drowned by a graying disappointment. Almost as deep as the lines forming between your brows.

“Hey,” you return drily.

Your eyes linger on Jake, and he catches them from across the room. They cut into you deeply, it has you splitting open, breaking like shattered glass and your only wish as you go down is to cut him back.

The longer your staring stretches the more you feel your blood started to bubble with something akin to anger. Running through your veins and becoming one with every other negative emotion that has nestled in you throughout the day. It makes up all of you, turning you into a hungry void that wants to swallow everything in sight. It only grows when you feel like you’re the only one who’s getting burned by this fire growing vastly fast between you two.

Jake’s façade never breaks, doused with indifference and feigned coldness. It’s in the way his pruriency for you is ferocious. Taking up every sense of his being, he finds it in the notes of your scent, vanilla, and cinnamon like you’ve stumbled out of a bakery. Sugary sweet and he’s never been a fan of dessert, yet he grows a sweet tooth just for the taste of you.

It’s in the way you’re infuriatingly confident. Carrying yourself with a loudness he’s sure he despises yet you manage to walk away with pockets full of his attention. The shape of your body capturing growing ounces of his interest day by day. Perhaps he’s just sexually frustrated, he hasn’t fucked anyone since Chaewon. And so, when he glances one too many times at your legs and when he’s staring at your breasts too long to be deemed discreet. He lets himself because he’s just taken by his sweeping frustration.

Because truth is he finds you insufferable, overly stubborn with a spark of determination in your gaze, yet his want is uninhibited, crawling to you with licks of temptation and he pretends to be stronger than any of it. That the way you laugh so loudly is enough exasperation for his lust to abate. He pretends that you being so pretty doesn’t matter as much, that the innocence clinging to the edges of your smile like you haven’t been tainted by the evil of the world is only a rarity he finds in you.

It pulls him right into you and yet away from all his logical thinking. He finds himself being thrown back and forth in the overwhelmingly profound walls of his brain.

He’s never met someone who irritates him as much as you do so how is it that he craves you this bad?

Jake’s hiding is deep-rooted and so you remain unaware of it all.

“yn can you hand me Jake’s shirt? It’s on the rack behind you.” Sunghoon speaks, words cutting into the pregnant silence that had spread around the room. It hangs heavy that you don’t ever hear him.

Your mind stolen with the wandering of your eyes, dipping to Jake’s hand clad in rings. They’re nothing sort of enticing and yet you find yourself transfixed, unable to process anything that’s going around you and unable to look away from him.

It’s tremendously inequitable how he looks like he ambled out of a painting carefully coming to life by a starstruck lover. It’s aggravating how he’s a sculptor’s approximation of a person. You’re sure he’s been sipping on angels’ tears in his past life because there’s no way for him to be real otherwise and even when the angel is walking towards you with so much force in his steps, his wings dripping with glittering gold covers the floor and a couple of broken hearts cling to his lashes, you hold your breath. It’s in the faint scars adoring the palm of his hands.

It’s so absurd how could it be possible for something so tarnished to hold onto so much beauty? How is he so captivatingly attractive?

When Jake leans over you, his body mere centimeters and your face is almost buried in his chest. Your heart pulses against your ribs, eyes widening in surprise.

“Focus bunny,” he says with a stern look in his eyes, pulling back and the shirt Sunghoon had asked for in his arms.

You’re unable to come up with something to say. Your mind a blank when Jake takes his shirt off. His skin comes to view like whiplash to your face and your heart sinks to your fucking ankle.

It has your cheeks heating up, you fumble with the end of your rope.

One slip, all it took was one slip and you’ve fallen.

“Can you leave us alone?” Jake’s voice breaks into your clouds of thoughts and you swallow. Standing up and with too much of shakiness in your legs, you head for the door.

“Not you bunny. Sunghoon leave.” The latter looks between you two, taking note of the tension that seems to follow you two. It’s fatuous yet Sunghoon complies.

“What’s with you?” He stands before you, arching a brow at you and you linger by the door. Toying with the hem of your skirt and avoiding his gaze. The same one that is dancing across your figure appetitively.

“What?” You don’t mean to snap at him, but you do and his face hardens enough to chip enamel.

“Don’t start giving me attitude now.”

You sigh, a breath of exhaustion as you try to regain some pieces of sanity that the lines on his abdomen stole. Your eyes lolling everywhere but him.

“Sorry I’m just having a bad day.”

“you’ve been having a bad day for the last two weeks?” he asks sarcastically, followed by a scoff that tugs at your anger so easily. Yet you keep quiet.

“Get your shit together yn. you’re only making this harder for everyone else.” He adds bitterly, scrutinizing your futile attempts at avoiding his eyes. maybe because you know he’s right that anger finally sinks its teeth in you, and you don’t resist it. Locking eyes with him with a newfound raising flame.

“It’s not like you’re making it any fucking easier for me.”

“Don’t cuss at me.”

“I’m not cussing at you.”

He pauses, his gaze flickers for a mere moment that it’s enough to have you slipping yet again. As if you have been standing on slippery glass all along, barely hanging on by his avoidance and a simple darkening of a shade is enough to weaken you. eluding the depths of your desire to the surface. The wall of tension builds alarmingly fast, it’s in the way Jake’s eyes follow your lips.

“My job isn’t to make anything easier for you. so, if you feel like it’s too much you can leave.”

“I’m not leaving.” Your voice wavers slightly, mimicking the buckling of your knees.

“Then take it.” You wither away in silent indignation, so intense it feels seared on you and it only grows, peeking over the now mountain of tension. So leaden, it only intensifies when Jake’s takes slow steps towards you. A playful glint has taken its claim in his eyes, like he had won a contest you didn’t agree to be a part of. When he’s close enough he brings attention to your lips with his index finger.

“And take care of this mouth too yeah?” like splashes of wine your cheeks grow red in color and Jake’s lips tilt upwards in a troublesome smirk “behave bunny.” His words are meaningless, a passing empty thought he throws right at your face and when you sputter for a response. Swaying with shaking hands to gather your discomposure that he abandons as he walks past you.

It’s a blunder, one that will have you mourning your dignity right after and yet like a fool who stumbled upon a dazzling cup filled with sparkling poison you drink up. The devil and angel are entangled with sin when the words tumble out your lips;

“You take care of it then,” you turn to look at him and he looks back with the same vigor spilling from his eyes, like a river running down the route of lust.

“If you hate it this much then take care of it.”

For an indeterminate amount of time, the two of you stay there, standing in silence on opposite sides, it stretches agonizingly slow that you almost feel an overly determined urge to melt onto the floor you’re standing on.

Your mind careens over your own words yet when Jake takes a tentative step towards you, his eyes search yours for crumbles – you hope are heavenly enough to have him breaking and you didn’t just offer yourself to refusal. You don’t evade it, instead you allow yourself a few seconds to savor the intoxicating tension.

No one has ever looked at you with this much want before and so you forget the ability to breath like tiny million sparkling stars are falling from the darkness of his eyes and right into in the lodge of your throat, so sharp and rigid and they’re bright, so bright it lights up your insides. Like lightness have found an abandoned cave –

And because Jake burns first, so frighteningly fast like melted candle wax. Your inside twist when his lips meet yours in desperation that emerges a gasp from you

- They fucking explode.

Your lips move against each other with famish, a thirst nestled so deep in both of you it can only be quenched by your kiss. His hand is on the curve of your jaw and yours form fists in the lines of his shirt. The pressure of his mouth upon yours renders your mind a foggy mess. So much so that when he moves you against the door, your back hitting it harshly you follow with no reluctance. Another pretty gasp escapes you at the impact and it gives his tongue access to your mouth.

A light moan falls from you, as the kiss deepens the bridges of your noses slide together and with a mind of their own his hands are like phantoms travelling over your body, palming your breasts over your shirt. your every sense becomes overwhelmed with his lips, his touch.

“Are you clean?” he pulls away briefly and you whine, eyes heavy lidded as they chase after his lips again. As if your cells need him to live as opposed to oxygen.

“What?”

“I’m going to fuck you so are you clean?”  you blink at him, the fog clearing up for a moment and you almost frown close enough to take offense if your underwear sticking to you with wetness isn’t growing annoying,

“I’m clean,” you murmur, almost doused in shame that you don’t get to linger in before he’s diving back into you. his lips finding yours with fervor and the air bleeds red with desire.

With his hands down your underwear, he lightly brushes to tease at the wetness. Lips quirking in something akin to egoistical pride. And your expression turns sour despite the incontrollable bucking of your hips against his unmoving fingers.

“How come you’re this wet already?” he’s imprinting the words upon your cheeks, leaning down to drop the same bruising kisses to the skin of your neck and collarbone, drawing a map of possible regrets.

“I’m horny and I haven’t been fucked in weeks what did you expect?” you sneer, and his chuckles vibrates against your neck.

When he goes back in to kiss you, you feel your cognitive facilities shut down. Your hands with a mind of their own travel across his body, in his hair like you’re running on a time ticking bomb, and you need to feel every inch of him before it explodes.

“Get on the couch.” He whispers against your lips.

“You don’t have enough stamina to do it standing up?” you tease, a playful quirk of your lips that has his eyes darkening. You’re not sure if it’s anger or lust.

“Unless you want me to leave you like this you better zip it.”

Once you’re on the couch, he clambers over you, and the kiss that follows is filthy, his hands work fast on freeing his cock from his slacks and your mouth is falling apart with an open silent whimper when he runs the head of his cock down your covered slit. You pant into his mouth, spit dripping down your chin and you arch into him with a new sense of need coloring your moans.

“Hurry,” you mumble against his lips, your embarrassment shows plainly on your face and Jake only smirks at you.

He wraps his fingers around the hem of your skirt and pushes it upwards, creating a halo of fabric around you. he slides your panties down your legs just enough to have your pussy on display for him. Jake’s eyes are feral and heavy as it trails over your figure, so intensely deep it has you squirming in your place. An uncontrollable need crawls over you mixing in with your frustration.

“Are you gonna fuck me like you said you would or are you gonna keep staring at me?” you huff, feeling your patience thinning.

His lips quirk upwards in flickers close to mockery as he smooths his hands over your legs, tad too gentle for your liking but when he’s looking up at you it’s not close to tender but rather like you had fallen right into the devil’s lap.

Just like he had planned all along.

He slowly sinks into your wetness, chuckling at how quickly your mouth falls open with a silent moan. He grinds into you, his own eyes falling shut at how your walls lock his cock inside of you and you’re more than grateful for that. Not wanting to be witnessed with a stupefied look on your face.

You want to – try to keep quiet as if a challenge had presented itself to you and you remain nothing but a too stubborn of a flower, refusing to be picked especially not by Jake Sim of all people and so you bite down on your lower lip. You almost taste the sweetness of victory on your lips and then it’s pulled so brutally away from you when the head of his cock hits that gummy spot and you convulse. Head falling back with a strangled moan.

“F-fuck-“ you clench around him and your hand scrambles for purchase in his locks, the other digging into the couch, the throbbing pain of your pinky long forgotten.

He falls forwards with a soft laugh, so melodic and unexpected it has your stomach twisting into knots you aren’t sure are nerves or pleasure. He buries his face in your neck as he sloppily drives his hips deeper into you and his lips draw a lazy map of salvia rather than actual kisses on the skin of your neck. It leads him right to your lips; the eye contact you hate so much transpires again. Your bodies keen in flawless harmony, it’s absolutely sinful.

“You were so talkative earlier, what happened bunny?” he whispers on top of your mouth, close enough to behold the want in your eyes. you attempt to glare at him and yet it melts right with your dignity with the touch of his fingers on your jaw, stopping you from looking away as he fucks into you harder “are you gonna thank me for taking care of it?” open mouthed kisses dot across your jawbone before lining his lips over yours, your chin in his hold as he thrusts into you.

When he leans back, you’re growing delirious, barely gripping into your remaining sanity when he smirks at you “come on say it.” He mumbles half-heartedly and you shake your head with a whimper, it echoes throughout his mind and ignites a bigger fire within. Curling into an ungodly soundtrack of sweaty bodies and the hankering to break you.

“Say thank you Jake for giving me your cock,” he mocks, his voice like devilish thorns against your skin and you push at his shoulder with a grunt.

“F-fuck you.” He doesn’t falter at the wavering of your voice, so debilitated compared to the way you glare at him and yet it turns him on even more.

He starts to relentlessly fuck into you at a faster pace, the thrusts going from slow and deep to tight and pointed. It has your eyes rolling back into your head, mouth falling open with moans and whines- anything that could be good enough to indicate how he feels inside of you, how your cunt grips onto him in desperation for more, more, more.

You’re so dilapidated from pleasure that you’re struggling to breathe, struggling to control your sounds anymore. They spill over endlessly, and Jake knows they’ll be tattooed into his brain just like the first time he had heard music in his life. They will haunt him just like the clicks of a piano, so sweet, sugary sweet and addicting. He feels so good, inside of you, around you that tears start stinging in your eyes.

“Fuck- fuck Jake I’m coming oh- “you blabber.

“Shut the fuck up.” He presses his hand flat to your mouth, hushing you and pressing you further onto the couch and your eyes soften as you swallow, entranced by him. Your walls tighten around him and his tight grip falters but remains. His face is drenched in perspiration and so much want for you.

With the oxygen stolen from your lungs. Your breaths are quick and heaving and your body shakes in ecstasy as you feel your orgasm approaches quickly, building so intensely with the way his movements become jerky. Shooting your hand to your clit you work yourself up and further into the gates of iniquity. your whole body becomes taut, and you rock into your hands and chase after his cock. watching you melt under him is something Jake will be viciously proud of for a couple of days to come.

So much so that it’s almost an impossible challenge for him to pull out of you when his own high approaches dangerously overwhelming. With labored breaths, his eyes glued to your heaving figure. He spits on his hand and starts pumping his pulsating cock. His other hand scrambling for the tissues on the table and he sends himself over the edge. Your eyes are the only thing that he needs to fall.

As soon as the fog of lust clears up you feel a shift in the air. The gold and sparkles disappearing and washed away along with all the bent-up anger. Leaving behind nothing but a sliver of dullness and awkwardness that clings to your limbs. Jake moves from on top of you with a grimace. You watch him move to tidy himself up in almost blissful yet holding on by an ambiguous edge that tug at your heart painfully. When he looks at you, you don’t know why you almost feel like you want to disappear.

“Jay has been asking for you. Fix your hair before leaving I don’t want him knowing about this.”

Oh. Oh. It shouldn’t be a surprise to you that he doesn’t want anyone to know about this and you do realize how inappropriate all of this is and yet you still stumble into a bitter feeling. An old picture starts burning in your mind, the same one of you falling into desperate repetition of a prayer to someday be good enough to keep and not a sparkling piece of art that holds no actual value.

“I’m gonna leave first.” Jake speaks into your growing silence and the click of the door is the only indication of him leaving.

You don’t know how long you stay there on the couch. A couple of hundred emotions take over you, guilt, anger, regret, and shame. So much shame and all it took was one slip to throw you into the maze of agony so familiar yet so frigid and cold.

When you walk out of the room you run into Jay right away like a mockery of the devil you’re growing sick of playing with. There’s a knowing smirk spreading across his face as he studies you, one that you don’t get to see because you’re so busy looking anywhere else.

“You and Jake had a good talk? Sorted out the tension?”

“Yeah, all good.” You mumble almost inaudible as you push past him with a burning face.

Jake watches the interaction between you two with intense attention. His eyes betray him as they follow your figure almost religiously. and when Jay strolls to him with a shit-eating smile plastered across his face., Jake groans sinking down into his chair and hoping to somehow vanish.

“Don’t even fucking start,”

“I didn’t even say anything.” Jay retorts with a laugh.

“I know what you’re gonna say, and I don’t want to hear it.”

Jake’s hiding is deep-rooted and so you remain unaware of it all.

Once you’re one step in your apartment the sounds of all the too familiar trio have your shoulders deflating even further if possible. Despite your immense love for them the need for a quiet night after the hectic day you had is bigger. You can kiss it goodbye now.

“Hey,” Niki greets you as soon as your figure is in the living room, the other two sitting next to him on the couch turn from the tv to you as well and you force a smile upon your face despites the aching in your body,

“Hey guys,”

“Heeseung is helping me get to plat.” Jungwon tells you, eyes brimming with joy. It has your chest enveloping with warmth. a breath of fresh air like you’ve been choking all day. On your thoughts and on lingering stares

“Slay.” You ruffle his hair as you pass by him and into the kitchen, gravitating towards a glass of wine that you’re sure your soul needs.

“Are you okay?” Niki asks, eyes dancing across your features. Your mind clutters full of the earlier events and you down your glass of wine in a moment.

“I’m perfect.” You reply, pouring yourself another glass and running away from the concern lacing Niki’s eyes “I’m gonna take a bath and call it a day. Don’t trash my apartment.” You call out to them as you start heading towards your room.

“Without me?” Heeseung says from behind you, you ignore him and the only thing you hear before closing your door is the impact of Niki’s hand hitting his head and a loud ‘Ouch’ following.

The darkness of your room welcomes you, in a rather unexpected coldness that has you wondering what home really is. It’s all so stupid, and yet you wonder why you feel like a hole had opened right under you. staring at your glass of wine you feel like the air, not free but hallow.

One slip was all it took.

→ taglist : @slutforsjy @wonwoos-wineparty @nxzz-skz @piripurora @vousty

@realrintaro @slut4hee @chartrucewhore @iveivory @hearteyesforseungsung

@jooniesbears-blog @hee4lifer @pretty-bluntz @babrieeee @mandoscyare

@stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @softieluvsyou @seunghancore @chaewonshoney

@chaeyunloveeee @beommii @fuxktaekook @antonsgirlfriend

@direxila @rockyhedgehog @nessas-archive @lukeys-giggle

@arikazu @pochamocharoll @chlodavids

[kinardscoffee]

I think Tim Minear just confirmed tommyBuck being a LTR with the video that he just posted…

What is your opinion?

Honestly?

The video is just another piece of evidence showing that bucktommy is here for the long run.

To me, the very first confirmation that bucktommy was going to be a LTR was Tim's interview, where he said that he wanted Buck off the hamster wheel and that he didn't want another LI that was siloed off from the 118.

I feel like I'm constantly repeating myself here, but that's fucking important and I don't really understand why some people can't understand that.

I mean, sure... "they" like to argue that, obviously, Eddie wouldn't be siloed off, but what people don't seem to understand is that if Eddie and Buck were to become a couple... one of them WOULD be siloed off.

(I hate the word "siloed.")

There are a few reasons behind this.

1. Look at Bathena and Madney. The two couples that are made up of main characters. One of them, usually the non-member of the 118, gets pushed back. I mean, yes, they still have large storylines, but they usually separate them from their LI. Or their LI is put in harms way because of it. Do we really want less time with one or even both of our mains? Especially Buck and Eddie, the dynamic duo?

2. What happens when they experience relationship issues? Imagine you get into an argument with your significant other. Something nice about having a job is you get to get away, blow off some steam, vent to your work bestie... but like... they work together... ON 24 HOUR SHIFTS. That is a recipe for disaster, not only for them, but for the entire team.

3. Based on #2, they probably wouldn't be allowed to work the same shifts. So, we would have to have someone replace both Buck and Eddie on their new respective shifts. Not to mention... they would have Christopher. And, as a couple one would need to be there for him and for when he has school stuff or just personal things in general.

None of these things are ideal. And seeing as people think we already see too much of Bobby and Athena? It would be too much work to juggle the Buddie dynamic.

Sorry... got really off track, Anon!

Back to the video.

Tim is going to post, write, and say what he wants to. He has no obligation to feed either side of the fandom just to keep them happy and, as we've seen, he doesn't. He cut the karaoke song and then showed the script to get people off his ass and to stop sending him DEATH THREATS. Like, jfc. If he wanted that side to shut up, all he had to do is post some Buddie pictures and move on... but that's not what he's done.

He's gone back and said he picked the wrong song. He's posted the articles specifically about Buck's bi awakening and his relationship with Tommy. And then he posted that video.

To me, that video says, "This is the direction I'm going. This person is correct. I like what this video says." So. Yes. It is yet another confirmation of bucktommy Long Term Romcom goodness.

And can I just add... if Tim really did pull this relationship out of his ass last minute even though we see all these parallels and invisible string theory... wouldn't you want to take credit for that and explore it?

I know I fucking would.

[reimeichan]

A look into my experiences as a person with DID:

I don't experience myself as being different people sharing a body. When I switch, it's more like... who I am in that moment, the things I believe and feel and think then, are true, and anything I may have believed or felt or thought before then is no longer true.

In one moment, I am angry and distrustful of everyone around me. I believe that even the person closest to me to has ulterior motives for being with me and is constantly hiding their true thoughts and feelings. I want nothing to do with them, I want to leave and never see them again-

And in the next moment, I'm crying by myself in my room. I'm not angry, I'm sad and upset and lonely. I wish I had people with me, why doesn't anyone understand what I'm going through? I'd never want to leave the people I love behind, I can't imagine living a life without them. I want to hug them and cuddle them and let them know how important they are to me-

And now I'm cuddling them and hugging them and I feel happy and safe and secure. I've always had such lovely people in my life, I've never felt dejected or rejcted by them and I can trust them implicitly. Aren't I so lucky and blessed to have so many people who love and support me? It's why I'm so happy and stable, I probably don't even need to go to therapy anymore-

Except I do, how could I have forgotten all the horrible things that have happened to me? I'm nervous around others and try so hard to please them so that they don't get angry with me. They may look nice now, but I know that one wrong move and they'll be screaming and yelling at me, because I'm a bad person, and I don't deserve love, but I don't want to live like this forever so of course I need therapy-

And objectively, that makes sense, doesn't it? Of course I act differently under different circumstances. And I know that due to my trauma I have a lot of maladaptive behaviors and maladaptive coping skills. So I'd like to learn some more, calmly and patiently, because I love learning and I know how to separate my thoughts and feelings out from each other. Because I'm a rational person, not an emotional one.

Do you see? How I have all these different versions of me, who all have their own experiences? How each of them are so sure their reality is the real one and the only one that exists in that moment? That's what my life has been like with DID. I'm a disjointed mess of thoughts and feelings and memories that struggle to connect to each other. That's why I call myself as having different versions of me. Because I'm just me- but which me am I?

[mayajadewrites]

could've been you: aizawa x reader x hawks

You're the new teacher at UA with a rocky past with one of their beloved teachers, Shouta Aizawa aka Eraserhead. You'd rather never see him again but alas, such is life. You also meet Keigo, aka Hawks, who is the opposite of Aizawa. Smiley, golden retriever energy. Nothing could go wrong... right? relationships: aizawa x fem!reader, hawks x fem!reader warnings: some chapters will be NSFW, they will have a warning on them in bold.

CHAPTER ONE

The air reeks of teenagers and sweat. As you walk through the long hallway, you glance at the photos on the walls. They're filled with photos of Pro Heros - All Might, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist.

You sigh when you see your own portrait. You look younger, probably just a couple of years after you graduated from UA.

Mirage the nameplate read.

"UA is so happy to have you back, Mirage!" Nezu caught up to your space in the hallway.

"Please, use my real name. You've known me since I was a student myself." You shifted the weight of the boxes in your hands.

"Always so humble. Anyways, your room is this way. Thank you for offering to stay on campus, sometimes these students get into trouble."

"Who would say no to free housing? And it'll be harder for me to be late." You watch as Nezu opens the door to your room. It's more like an apartment - you have your kitchen, living room, bedroom, a 2nd bedroom and a bathroom. It looks like it was newly constructed too.

"You'll be teaching the Strategy class starting next week. I want you to observe a few classes before your first official day as a teacher though." He hopped on your counter to get closer to your eye level. "Though I'm afraid what you'll think when I tell you who the instructor is."

You start to unpack a box as you hear Nezu's words. You let out a light laugh as you pull out some of your trinkets.

"As long as it's not Eraserhead, I'll be okay."

Silence.

"I said, as long as it's not Eraserhead." You turn your body to face Nezu. You furrow your eyebrows as you stare at him. "This where you say, 'Of course it's not him! It's Endeavor!'"

"Endeavor doesn't teach. He has no patience for his own children, let alone students he doesn't know."

"Nezu. You're telling me I'll be observing fucking ERASERHEAD teaching?! Who even let him teach in the first place?"

"I did. He is a fine instructor, the children love him."

You roll your eyes. You and Eraserhead have always had a tough time getting along. Always disagreements, always arguing, never compromising.

"Let me remind you of the last time I saw Eraserhead." You used your quirk, mind manipulation, to show Nezu your last memory of Eraserhead.

Mirage. Quirk: Mind Manipulation.

Your quirk allows you to show a person an image you control using mind manipulation. You can put them anywhere in the world, they will think they're there. You can also pull a memory from their mind and place them back to that time. The drawback is you can only do this on one person at a time, however everyone in the vicinity will see the same thing the designated target does.

You, Eraserhead, and Endeavor were patrolling the city when a group of villains decided to cause destruction and havoc on an elementary school.

It was mid day, a weird time for villains to be out.

"Eraserhead, use your quirk on the one in the middle!" Endeavor said as he blasted flames out of his hands. "He's the leader!"

"No, he's not. It's the one that's in the back - he's been saving his power."

"Endeavor is right, he's been calling all the shots. What leader would just lay back and let their team do all the work?"

"A lot." His eyes turned red as he stopped the man he was targeting from using his quirk.

"Eraserhead, why can't you just fucking listen?" You tried to get into the mind of the leader, but he had something that was keeping you at bay. Was it his quirk? "Please, use your quirk on him! I can't get into his head!"

But Eraserhead didn't listen.

He never did.

And it cost you to be in a coma for a few months.

The villain used some sort of dark magic to surpress your quirk, sending your brain into shock.

Everything went black.

You waved your hand to bring Nezu out of the vision you brought to him. "It was because of HIM that I was out cold for months."

"I'm sorry, but this is what's going to happen. We don't have many teachers here as it is, and Aizawa is at your level. You're both very strong."

"I should take that as a compliment, right?" You scoff. "Send me what room he teaches in and I'll be there at 8AM when classes begin."

"I appreciate you're willingness to cooperate." Nezu nods, jumping off the counter and walking to the door. "And I'm sorry that you experienced that."

You only nod as he shuts the door gently. You let out a sigh as he left, letting the anxiety that filled your body go. You learned this through therapy since you experience anxiety through physical symptoms.

"Breathe." You murmured. Time to start unpacking.

___________________________________

Your mattress and other furniture was delivered so you set everything up. Your bed looked like a cloud with muted earthy tones on your comforter and around your room.

You felt your stomach grumble as you flattened out your blanket. Guess it was time to grab some food. You slip on a pair of leggings, a thin strapped tank top and a cropped zip up sweatshirt that hands off one of your shoulders as you zip it. You slide your feet into your chunky tennis shoes and head out the door.

You're still familiar with the campus at UA, even though some of the buildings have been redone. You made your way to the cafeteria where you see a few Pro Heroes talking at a table. They must've just finished a demonstration or something.

"Mirage?" You hear Endeavors voice boom. You couldn't not hear him.

"That's me." You walk over to the table he was at. He looked... happy to see you.

"I never thought I would see you again. We've needed you, villains are at an all time high."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." You look up at him - he's so much taller than you. Usually people are put off by Endeavor and his personality, but you have a soft spot for him. "I'm teaching here starting next week."

"No way!" You hear another recognizable voice. Present Mic.

"Yamada!" You ran up to him and gave him a squeeze. "I haven't seen you in years!"

"You look great! Your body looks so much different than high school, your curves are unbelievable."

Yamada has always been once to compliment women - he's never scared. You're also not stick thin like a lot of female heroes these days. Your body has muscle, but you're soft at the same time. You have full, plush hips and thighs and an ass to match. You're also blessed in the chest area, but you cover that up the best you can.

"Yamada, can you please go a couple of minutes without objectifying women." Endeavor rolled his eyes.

"Lighten up, Enji. He was just giving a compliment." A new voice chimed in. You saw a man with dirty blonde hair look your way, a pair of dark red wings behind him. "My name is Keigo, Hawks is my hero name." He held out his hand. He's cute.

"You must be one of the newer Pro Heroes all of the women in town are talking about." You shake his hand and look into his honey colored eyes. "You have quite a fanbase."

Keigo chuckled, his teeth shining as he smiled. It was a warm, comforting smile that you needed after reliving the last time you saw Eraserhead.

"Would you like to eat with us? We just finished introducing ourselves to the students since it's the start of the year." Keigo patted the seat next to him.

"Sure, let me grab some food first." You turn to the food stations and grab a chicken sandwich and fries. You feel Keigo glancing at you as you walk through the cafeteria, careful not to stare too hard.

Cute.

You, Enji, Yamada and Keigo talk for what feels like hours. Catching up, sharing stories and getting to know one another. Enji told you about how his youngest son, Shoto is enrolled at UA. He said he shows a lot of promise, and that he's trying to rebuild a relationship with him.

Yamanda went on and on about his online dating life, and how he's having trouble finding his 'one true love'.

Keigo is full of smiles and laughs, which was so refreshing.

"Can I walk you back to your room?" Keigo jogged to catch up with you as you walked toward the dorms.

"What, you think a villain is gonna pop on me on my walk back?" You giggle. "Sure you can." You start walking in sync together.

"So, what's your quirk exactly?" He tilts his head down as he walks.

"Mind manipulation. I can make someone see anything I want them too. I also can manipulate objects too, but I don't use that as much."

"So are you making me see one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen or is this my reality?"

How is he so smooth?

"I'm not using my quirk right now, scouts honor." You put two fingers up and giggled. "That's me." You point to your door as you approach it.

Then you spot a tall, dark haired man standing near your door, leaning on the wall.

Fucking Eraserhead.

[gauntletqueen]

isn't banning people based on "vibes" a conservative way of thinking? Idk I feel like forcibly removing people in your community who didn't do anything based on your idea on what's normal & fear that they COULD be dangerous is a justification for alot of right wing politicians & a basis behind xenaphobia.

Its literally a talking point of our oppressors.

First off there's something funny to me about seeing me retweet something on twitter and then going to my tumblr to respond to it anonymously

Second off, you're making big assumptions on what these vibes might be and what reasons streamers and other online creatives might have for removing people.

Here's some examples of people I've banned from my community discord server based on vibes:

Someone who only ever cared about talking to me, and never acknowledging anyone else in the server. They acted far too familiar with me despite me not knowing them, and continuously sent me DMs where they roleplayed things like hugging me. I explained why all of this behavior was not appreciated but they never listened. Classic parasocial behavior but none of it was against the rules. I still removed them based on vibes because they made everyone, especially myself, very uncomfortable and would not listen when told to stop.

A user who made everything about themself. They would derail every conversation to talk about something they did, often unrelated to the current topic, talk over others to praise themself on something, never listen to other people, interrupt others to talk about how they would've done something better, etc. Not against the rules! But it sure is annoying! I removed them because they constantly brought the mood down by making others feel like they had no place to speak.

Multiple users who only spread negativity. Almost always taking worst faith stances on things, barging into perfectly fine conversations with some overly negative angle all the time, sometimes I'd tell them to stop and they'd say it's just for fun, but it's not very fun when all you accomplish is ruining the mood, is it?

Any time something like this happens, Me and my mods make sure to take the person aside in DMs and explain the situation first, make it clear to them what they're doing wrong, and how we'd like them to stop, and if we still remove them then, it's their own fault. There have been plenty of times where someone was told to stop a certain behavior, and they understood and corrected accordingly.

I'm not removing these people because I suspect they might be secretly right-wing, or phobic, or whatever you're assuming when you say "dangerous", I remove them because they're annoying and don't listen, and I don't want annoying people like that in a simple little discord community that I made for people who like what I do to hang out with each other and have a good time. I have to manage that community and if there's too many problems that becomes hard, and it'll just be a less nice place to be. It's not that deep.

[pocket-watcher]

“Well I need someone to test it.”

Having a best friend who ran a potion shop was not the advantage you’d originally thought it was.

Some friends asked you to move furniture, others asked you to stand guard whilst you performed summoning rituals…

And some asked you to blindly try their newest potion without telling you what the potion was even supposed to do.

“No. No way in hell, Julia. Get your apprentice to do it.”

“He’s out collecting ingredients and who knows when he’ll be back. Come on, just a little taste! Mmmm… yummy!”

“And you talking to me like a child is supposed to entice me? I said no.”

The cauldron bubbled away. It was a sickly pink. You felt yourself sweating just looking at it.

“…free health potions and invisibility potions. For a month.” She cocked her head confidently.

“…fine.” You snatched the ladle from her and took a sip, trying to ignore the devious smile on her face.

“Lovely! Now let’s sit you down here.” She tipped an hour class. “It shouldn’t take too long to kick in.

“Why can’t you just tell me what’s supposed to happen?”

“Because we need to make sure it works and you’re not being influence by how you think you’re supposed to feel.”

“Uh… okay.” You twiddled your thumbs for a few minutes. At one point you’d thought you felt too hot but then it turns out that was just you panicking for a moment. It soon passed.

“You really don’t feel anything at all?” She’d asked. Julia had poked and prodded but, nope, you felt as… well, not normal. You never really felt normal. But you’d felt nothing out of the ordinary for yourself yet.

“Sorry, Jules, nothing.”

She grabbed either side of your face and pulled you close to her. You turned red.

“Really? No urge to… do anything right now?”

You thought about it. Julia was attractive, sure. And the sudden closeness did stir something within you. But she was your best friend, so, no. You weren’t about to throw that away on a stupid comment.

“Uh, nope?”

“Kiss me.”

You jumped back.

“W-What?!” You spluttered. “Why would I do that!”

“Because I fed you a love potion! You’re supposed to be head over heels for someone by now…”

Love potion?! Oh no… but, you didn’t feel anything did you? At least, no more than normal…

“You fed me a love potion. God, you’re so fucking lucky that it didn’t wo-“

The bell rang lightly as the door opened.

Shit.

In walked Julia’s assistant. What was his name again? Who cared, to be honest. His bouncing black curls and his sparking eyes and his-

Focus.

Was it hot in here? I felt my arousal growing already.

“Sorry it took me so long!” He laughed, placing down his shopping bags. “I got sidetracked.”

His voice melted into my mind. Why should he apologise to us? He did nothing wrong.

“Oh, hi there! Mind giving me a hand with these?”

Julia dismissively waved her hand. The bitch. “That’s what I pay you for. Leave him, he can do it himself.”

But. I couldn’t. I felt like he could ask anything of me and I would do it. I had to do it.

I scooped up a bag from him. I felt the pleasure of obedience filling my whole body.

“O-oh, thanks!” His smile beamed into me and it was like he was the only thing I could see.

Julia looked between myself and him. A lightbulb went off in her head.

“Ah… I see. How are you feeling now?” She grabbed her quill ready to take notes.

“I feel great.”

It was the truth. How could I not feel great when he looked at me like that. When he was about to give me another order.

“…Are you two testing potions?” He asked, putting down the bag. He gestured for me to hand mine to him. I eagerly obliged. His fingers brushed against mine as I did so.

“Yes we are.” Julia smiled wickedly. “Oh, what’s that? You want a kiss?”

He choked slightly, trying to play it off as a cough. “W-what? A kiss? What are you- oh no…“

But it was too late. I was already kissing him.

The contact made me drunk. Dizzy. I needed more more more-

My hands found their way to pulling him closer. Deeper.

His squeaks of surprise were delicious. His moans even more so.

“Well, I’ve got all my notes. Come find me when this wears off, okay?”

By the time Julia closed the door behind her I was already on top of him.

[leclerc-s]

the blue - part ten

series masterlist // previous

LAS VEGAS 2023

ameliaholland posted new stories

ivy is adjusting well to the travel life well. pov: you've just had a rundown by lando norris on how charles is slowly losing his mental stability. don't worry! he's fine! still mentally stable but on his last limb polite cat oscaroo strikes again! photo from this morning's travels

tom holland okay, you guys can't be mad at me..

max verstappen thomas i swear to god- logan sargeant if this spider-bitch says harrison tagged along, we are not responsible for yuki. tom holland okay, well, i guess i'll die.

yuki tsunoda YOUR SISTER CRIED ON STAGED BECAUSE OF HIM! AND YOU JUST BROUGHT HIM ALONG??

sam holland i told him not too but he said, and i quote, "he's my best friend. i can't just not bring him." lando norris YOU COULD NOT BRING HIM?

george russell he's going to get killed.

charles leclerc we won't be responsible for yuki or max.

max verstappen i can take him

zendaya there is too much testosterone here

amelia holland OH I HAVE A SOLUTION!

amelia holland added 4 people

lily muni he why?

amelia holland you try saying anything against the zendaya alexandra saint mleux valid. very valid.

george russell how did you get my girlfriend's number?

carmen mundt someone was very drunk after her show in london that he forgot i was with him

pierre gasly you fucking idiot

kika gomes said the idiot to the other idiot

pierre gasly how am i an idiot?

esteban ocon you tried to "out spider-man" tom last week when you were drunk. charles leclerc and you almost ran into oncoming traffic. daniel ricciardo if it weren't for me you'd be dead.

lily muni he why were we added?

alex albon TOM INVITED HARRISON TO VEGAS!

kika gomes well that's stupid.

alexandra saint mleux your sister cried because of him?

tom holland you don't get it! he was sad and i can't say no to him! he's my best friend! i will get him to apologize to amelia.

amelia holland i'm not talking to him. i have nothing to talk to him about.

oscar piastri he's a dickhead. he's never going to apologize.

lando norris oscar jack piastri, cursing? that's a new one. someone call sky sports!

logan sargeant you're talking about the guy who grew up with mark webber. he's said worse. trust me.

oscar piastri shut up?

harry holland YOU INVITED THE SECOND STRING LOSER?

kika gomes fitting name. lily muni he it's what she called him in a song. i guess it stuck. zendaya he deserves it

harry holland thomas, we are having words.

sam holland and i'm calling paddy.

tuwaine oh shit just got real.

ameliaholland vegas, baby!

tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris, mclaren

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landonorris when will i get a post for myself? i'm the best friend?

↳ ameliaholland when you finally get a race win...

↳ landonorris i hate you

username amelia holland, certified oscar piastri simp

tomholland2013 can't believe you ditched us to hang out with oscar

↳ ameliaholland can't believe you invited apple.

↳ lilymhe she's right thomas. how could you.

↳ maxverstappen1 can't believe spider-man would betray us this way

↳ charles_leclerc traitor

↳ yukitsunoda0511 liar.

↳ tomholland2013 I GET IT!

↳ ameliaholland but do you?

↳ francesca.cgomes clearly he doesn't.

username what on earth is happening in the comments?

username i don't know but they're all upset with tom

username amelia instagram is all just pictures of oscar

↳ username she's in love! let's leave her alone!

↳ username oh don't get me wrong. i love it. it's adorable

amelia holland max invited us out before free practice tomorrow and after the opening ceremony

tom holland I'M GAME!

zendaya sounds like fun.

sam holland count me in!

tuwaine a chance to party with the max verstappen and daniel ricciardo, count me in!

harry holland i'm in

harrison osterfield i don't think your friends like me very much

amelia holland they don't but max said to invite you anyways. something about water under the troll?

amelia holland i think he meant water under the bridge?

amelia holland pierre also said something about second string loser buying the first round of drinks.

harrison osterfield alright. i'll go

amelia holland you can leave if you feel uncomfortable at any point

harrison osterfield okay

ABU DHABI 2023

ameliaholland in honor of the end of the 2023 season, i give you one final photo dump.

tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris, mclaren, tomholland2013

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oscarpiastri 🧡🧡

↳ ameliaholland 🧡🧡

username mama y papa!!

charles_leclerc this is charles leclerc erasure!

↳ alex_albon i agree this is erasure of the most important people in her life!

↳ ameliawinters as opposed to my boyfriend and brother?

↳ georgerussell63 of course!

username i need to find someone who looks at me the way oscar looks at amelia.

lilymhe not enough amelia content. 3/10.

↳ ameliaholland i'm sorry love, i'll do better next time.

yukitsunoda0511 0/10 no yuki content. every photo dump must include a picture of me.

↳ ameliaholland apologizes yuki. i'll include one next time.

harrisonosterfield where is the cat's seatbelt??

↳ oscarpiastri she said she didn't need one.

↳ harrisonosterfield you're being a very irresponsible father mr.piastri

↳ oscarpiastri i am simply listening to what my daughter wants mr.osterfield

↳ username talk about a friendship i never saw coming

username and to think we started the season with single oscar and we're ending it with oscar dating THE amelia holland!!

username ivy lives a better life than me.

username they're giving high school sweethearts.

username your honor, i love them

taglist: @six-call @1nt3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @skynel09 @arieltwvdtohamflash @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @woozartss @dear-fifi @tygecjjd @cataf1 @nothaqks @caipng @nataliambc @formulaal @lichterfee @prongsvault @kaa212 @anxxiousaries @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole @hobiismyhopeu @melissayalene @nikfigueiredo @bella-1 @nichmeddar @namgification @anniemae299 @octopussesarecool @jensonsonlybutton @ragioniera @anytimeanywherebitch-blog @trouble-sistar @hwalllllllelujah

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! in case you couldn't tell, i don't how to end stories, so this is my attempt at one. i definitely didn't procrastinate this because i didn't want to be finished with this story. not at all. but stick around and wait for the bonus chapters because this story isn't quite over yet.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

as someone who's an azul kinnie im curious why you placed azul on the slightly dislike list considering you like scheming characters

[My TWST character tier list is here.]

I think the easiest way to explain it is that I came in with the wrong expectations of him? I thought Azul would be similar to what Jade’s character actually was, so Jade ended up upstaging him in that regard. Essentially, not all scheming characters are equivalent; Azul has other traits which weigh him down for me.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll reiterate it here because I feel it is very relevant for Azul. I… tend to not like “main” guys because of of how much they appear everywhere (including merch and marketing); it makes me feel like I’m being “pushed” to like them specifically rather than being allowed to think for myself about who I like. This is the case for dorm leaders, which includes Azul. Additionally, “main” guys tend to get more of a story focus (also true of the dorm leaders), and that in of itself can be a double edged sword. It means more information + backstory about that character, and while that’s great for lore and fleshing them out, it also means potentially polarizing the fans who were content with their perception of the character prior to the reveal. Once that change happens, it completely shifts how you see the character and then you can’t go back to how you felt before. This was a painful factor in what I call the “stock market crash” of my opinion of Azul Ashengrotto.

I actually quite liked him at first. I took his hand at the start when I first started playing TWST back in 2020 ^^! I even *gasp* simped a little??? (weird AU where Azul was my oshi instead of J word…) He was every bit an intelligent and calculating deal maker as I suspected he would be—well, at least that’s what the few vignettes available at the time and book 2 implied. Back then, only books 1 and 2 were available in full and book 3 was slooowly being updated in chunks. And really, I was liking book 3 a lot (he was still being a silly little scumbag, lol) and took no issue with it… UNTIL THE LAST PART DROPPED 💀 AND WE GOT HIS BACKSTORY…

Now 💦 I’m aware that the OB boys’ backstories usually garner sympathy and enhance the preexisting love we have for those characters but… Azul’s backstory actually had a very strong opposite effect on me. It was the moment I realized, “Hey, maybe I don’t like you as much as I thought I did.” I’d describe the feeling like having a pleasant dream and then you’re suddenly violently awoken by a loud alarm clock, a screeching parrot, and Sebek shouting in your ears at once.

I want to be clear when I say I do not mean to demean or to diminish Azul’s experiences of being bullied. I also do not mean to shame Azul for being (rightfully) upset about his circumstances or for being emotional. When I say that I started disliking Azul because of this backstory, it’s for a very personal reason: I just don’t like stories where a victim of bullying becomes a bully, thus perpetuating the cycle. It’s sad to see someone go down that path, spreading more hate because of the hate they had received before… and I’ll never believe that revenge is a good response for an injustice 😔 Azul’s case is a little different, as he does eventually go on to recognize how far he has strayed from the benevolent ideals of the Sea Witch and is now actively trying to work on himself (which I appreciate and applaud him for). However, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth that I can’t quite scrub away. I think it’s because I found myself relating to kid!Azul in some ways, so that personal connection amplified the disappointment I felt in the decisions he made. It feels like looking into an alternate reality where I, too, went down a dark path—and that thought is unpleasant, to say the very least. Now I view Azul more like a cautionary tale and keep a safe distance from him.

[bethanydelleman]

do you have any theories on why wickham turned out the way he did? his background sounds humble but not dirt poor as i know steward was a really valued job at the time. and as the elder mr. darcy liked him, he probably had a better life than plenty of boys. correct me if i'm wrong but i don't recall any mention of a mom or siblings, so darcy was probably his main childhood companion. it's just horrible to think that over the years he went from seeing darcy as a friend to someone he could ruin. and he was prepared to ruin georgiana's life, not just take all her money but cause a scandal so she might not ever get married again. and if darcy hadn't found lydia he'd probably just leave her where she was with no way of getting home and destroyed the bennets. like why? everyone was nothing but nice to him his whole life and all he does is hurt them and enjoy doing it. when you think about it kind of sounds evil.

From what I understand, Wickham was a failure of a system whereby a rich person would choose someone poorer to patronize. We can see other examples of this in Emma (Jane Fairfax & Harriet Smith) and especially Mansfield Park (Fanny & William Price).

The idea was that the rich would find someone worthy of improvement, sponsor their education, and give them the ability to raise into the gentry class. This sounds like what Mr. Darcy Sr. tried with Wickham, but in this case it was a failure. What ended up happening isn't that Wickham was grateful, but he ended up feeling entitled to the life of a Darcy. The novel's implication is that Wickham had a bad character, which education could not improve, and that Mr. Darcy Sr. was deceived in because Wickham had a veneer of decency.

From Darcy's Letter:

Mr. Wickham is the son of a very respectable man, who had for many years the management of all the Pemberley estates, and whose good conduct in the discharge of his trust naturally inclined my father to be of service to him; and on George Wickham, who was his godson, his kindness was therefore liberally bestowed. My father supported him at school, and afterwards at Cambridge; most important assistance, as his own father, always poor from the extravagance of his wife, would have been unable to give him a gentleman’s education. My father was not only fond of this young man’s society, whose manners were always engaging, he had also the highest opinion of him, and hoping the church would be his profession, intended to provide for him in it. As for myself, it is many, many years since I first began to think of him in a very different manner. The vicious propensities, the want of principle, which he was careful to guard from the knowledge of his best friend, could not escape the observation of a young man of nearly the same age with himself, and who had opportunities of seeing him in unguarded moments, which Mr. Darcy could not have.

Wickham's account:

“We were born in the same parish, within the same park; the greatest part of our youth was passed together: inmates of the same house, sharing the same amusements, objects of the same parental care."

In Mansfield Park, Sir Thomas talks about how difficult it will be to maintain the distinction between his daughters and Fanny, their adopted niece, and when I think about how Wickham turned out, I think this is meant to be taken seriously (even though Sir Thomas and Mrs. Norris screwed up massively):

“There will be some difficulty in our way, Mrs. Norris,” observed Sir Thomas, “as to the distinction proper to be made between the girls as they grow up: how to preserve in the minds of my daughters the consciousness of what they are, without making them think too lowly of their cousin; and how, without depressing her spirits too far, to make her remember that she is not a Miss Bertram. I should wish to see them very good friends, and would, on no account, authorise in my girls the smallest degree of arrogance towards their relation; but still they cannot be equals. Their rank, fortune, rights, and expectations will always be different. It is a point of great delicacy, and you must assist us in our endeavours to choose exactly the right line of conduct.”

Fanny feels grateful for what the Bertrams give her, even though it's scraps of a real education. Wickham ends up feeling entitled, even though he is "liberally bestowed" and that may have been the problem. He was treated too similarly to Darcy and felt that he was a Darcy, only to find out the patronage didn't go as far as he wanted.

Wickham comes off to me as one of those people who is ALWAYS innocent in his own mind, someone else is always the cause of his misfortunes (he's like Willoughby in that respect). So when he tells Elizabeth about how he lost his inheritance, I think he believes what he is saying. He does think Darcy cheated him somehow even though he was in the wrong. Darcy becomes the tyrant because Wickham refuses to be the villain of his own story.

In addition, I don't know if he would have seen Darcy as a friend. Darcy is one of the few people who can see through Wickham and a con man would hate that. Wickham's dislike of Darcy may well have started because he hates that Darcy can perceive and judge the real him.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for “assuming someone’s tone” and leaving a TTRPG a few hours after joining? 🤡🎲

This happened a while ago but I’m still baffled by it. Basic gist of the situation is that I (18) joined a campaign my friend, Rye (18) , was starting. She added me to a group chat for planning purposes after giving me the basic spiel about the campaign.

For context, I’d been in a larger group chat with some of Rye’s friends before, one that Cole was also in. He kind of rubbed me the wrong way - he only really responded to his favorite people (and it was very obvious who his favorites were), he had some annoying but harmless texting behaviors… he was also needlessly rude to a friend of mine (they answered a question he had posed, he swore at them and said he wasn’t finished asking, they said they’d thought he was finished because of the punctuation, he said it would have been clear to anyone else who had read his texts that he wasn’t finished - it was a whole mess) and that type of behavior continued to the point where they left that group chat. I stayed, but I blocked Cole just because seeing his messages was irritating me, but I still wanted to talk to Rye and some other friends I was starting to make.

Fast forward about half a year, and I joined Rye’s group chat for the campaign, realizing that Cole is also in the group chat. I was immediately on guard, but I was willing to put the past bad vibes aside to be able to play with him. I unblocked him (I don’t think he ever knew I had blocked him in the first place, we didn’t have many one on one conversations before this) to be able to work with him better. I was the last to join the group chat and so went to read what others had been saying about their characters before making my own. The first red flag was that Cole described his character as a loner who never spoke to anybody and kept to themselves in the shadows (edgy, but whatever, I could live with it). I saw most other people had included what class they were going to play with their character descriptions, but Cole hadn’t, and because I didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes/wanted to have a balanced party, I asked him what class he was playing. To which he responded, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

…Red flag number two. I took a second to cool off before I responded, and when I came back he and another player, Oliver, were talking about what I had said. Cole was saying, “Who said we all had to play different classes? That’s a dumb rule,” which infuriated me but I just responded with “Nobody said we HAD to, I just wanted to for my own enjoyment and to diversify the party. But you’re right, we can still have plenty of fun even if two characters are the same class.” I decided to just let it go, and that if I ended up playing the same class as him, he couldn’t really complain.

So I started creating a character concept, and while I was looking through my D&D materials, Cole was complaining to Oliver in the group chat about a certain collaborative aspect of character creation he was struggling with because his character wouldn’t know anything about anyone else (because they were such a loner. This is why solitary characters with no social connections don’t work for collaborative games!). I hopped in and suggested that maybe Cole could do the collaborative portion in a meta way instead of through his characters eyes; if anything, it might help with brainstorming. He responded, “I beg of you to read my character description. If you did you’d see my character wouldn’t be able to do this because they don’t talk to anybody.”

Huge red flag - number three. A) I had read his character description. B) I had just proposed a solution for his second sentence. We are not friends, and it baffles me to this day that he thought responding to me so passive aggressively was an appropriate way to talk to someone who’s pretty much a stranger. I pretty much realized that I couldn’t just take shit from him and I needed to stand up for myself, so I very politely told him, “Hey, please moderate your tone. You’re not speaking to me in a way that’s very nice.”

He said, and I quote, “That’s not my intended tone. Sorry. I guess I’ll just go.” ???? Red flag four? At this point I was pretty sure I didn’t even want to play with him, but that response was something I expected from a 12 year old, not a full adult, and I was so confused at this point. Oliver spoke up and said they were feeling uncomfortable, that it was probably just a misunderstanding and Cole hadn’t meant to be hostile, and that we were all in the group chat to just have a fun time and play a game together, so let’s all be nice to each other. That also made me angry, because there had been no point during the conversation where I had been anything but polite, and Cole had been rude to me multiple times. I still kept my text calm and told them that even if Cole hadn’t meant to be hostile, his words still came across as hurtful, and that’s all I was saying. I told them I was going to go work on my character, and assumed the conversation was over for now.

I left for maybe ten minutes, and when I came back, it was to a full page-length paragraph of text from Cole.

“i cant really take responsibility for your assumptions on my tone man. especially when i was just asking you to read my characters info thing and then providing the context anyway so you wouldnt have to go look for it. its not really fair of you to bite at me based off of what you assume my tone is without asking for clarification then still tell me it came off as hurtful when i and another person stated that the tone wasnt hostile. if my nonexistant tone is off it is because i am immensely overwhelmed due to several reasons, in which your assumptions of my tone did not help im too tired to try to think of whatever tone tags would fit here but please take responsibility for your assumptions instead of treating me like i was in the wrong for trying to clarify something to help you understand something”

That was the last straw for me. I didn’t even respond, I just straight-up left the group chat. I was genuinely at a loss after reading that, and I knew I would never be able to play with Cole, so I messaged Rye (who was asleep at the time) privately and apologized for leaving so abruptly, that I wouldn’t be able to play with someone who couldn’t respect me, and that I hoped she had a lot of fun with the campaign and wished her all the best.

She responded the next morning saying it was all good, but I can’t help wondering if I’m TA for “assuming” Cole’s tone and not “taking responsibility” or for leaving so soon after joining without really giving playing a chance.

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Shooting a Movie

Note: I have nothing to say for myself. shoutout to @foxyanon for letting me ramble about this fic to her as I made it up.

Warnings: 18+!! smut/pwp. reader and Masema are pornstars, what else do I need to say? All the clichés are there.

pairing: Modern!Masema x you (f)

summary: Before shooting an adult film with Masema, he wanted to meet you for a chemistry check. And a test ride.

wordcount: 3,1k

Masterlist

Working with Masema was like a dream come true. Everyone knew he was simply the hottest guy in the porn industry and everyone wanted to work with him. But Masema was picky with who he worked with, being able to have that privilege, so you couldn't believe it when you heard he wanted to make a movie with you and therefore invited you over to his house 'to see if the chemistry is there,' as his email had said.

You were an up and coming name in the business, being the shy and innocent looking bombshell everyone wants to be or wants to be with, and Masema was interested in working with you because he knew for a fact he could corrupt a little delicate and shy thing such as yourself. He knew he could make you shed that innocence and pull out a wild and filthy side of you that you hadn't discovered yet. There was nothing wrong with making soft porn, as you did, but he wanted to make a mess out of you and he was determined to do so. But first he wanted to meet you, because no matter how beautiful you were; if there was no real chemistry, Masema didn't want it.

Masema's house was big, kind of what you'd expect from a guy with his profession who made a lot of money just because of the way he looked. And he did well for himself, very well. 

Masema greeted you at the door, dressed in tight grey jeans that showed off the shape of his legs and he wore a black sleeveless shirt on top, immediately impressing you with the size of his biceps. You weakened at the thought of how easily this man could pick you up with just one arm and throw you around, only to use you as his toy, and you would let him use you the way he pleased, no questions asked. His hair was tied back, sporting his signature top knot cut, and his mismatched eyes were even prettier in real life than you could've imagined. His voice was low and smooth each time he spoke, so honeyed and warm that you knew from the get go you would do everything he'd tell you to do, on and off camera. His smile was flirty and it became clear within seconds that he's quite touchy, as he constantly brushed his fingers over your bare arms and lightly touched your lower back as he guided you through his massive house and into his backyard, where you both sat back on his luxurious loungeset, overlooking his pool with sparkling clear water, and he offered you something to drink to break the ice.

Masema sat close to you, manspreading and with his arms spread out across the sofa's backrest. His eyes were now hidden behind his dark shades as they trailed up from your bare legs to your face while you enjoyed your drink, and he very much enjoyed the sight of you in those cute white hot pants and white cropped shirt on top. As always so innocent and cute looking, he simply loved it because he couldn't wait to break you.

'So,' he said, his voice barely above a murmur, 'I'm actually surprised you wanted to work with me.'

'And why is that?' you smiled.

'I've seen your movies,' Masema replied and licked his lips, 'and we're quite the opposite, aren't we, doll?' he tilted his head to the side with a half smile as he looked at you.

'Oh, well, yes,' you chuckled, 'I know I'm more in the soft porn category, whereas you are, you know,' you cleared your throat and shrugged lightly.

'Hardcore,' Masema added, 'yes. So, how did you envision this then, sweetheart? Because surely no one wants me to make a soft movie.'

'No, I know,' you said quickly, 'that's also not what I am expecting. But I thought maybe we could somehow combine the two.'

Masema hummed and looked out over his pool, as if he was pondering over your idea. And after a moment of long silence he looked back at you and smiled faintly.

'So, what do you have in mind?' he asked.

'I thought we could just start of slow, some touching and kissing-'

'I don't kiss in my movies, darling,' Masema interrupted, but he then paused and lowered his head slightly so he could look into your eyes over the rim of his glasses, 'but if you can make me want to kiss you,' he said, 'then you'd have a first time thing with me that would surely draw attention,' he winked.

'I can make you,' you purred as you leaned in closer, 'trust me.'

Masema watched how you lightly trailed your fingers up his thighs, and he wetted his smirking lips with the tip of his tongue. He wouldn't hand it to you that easily, but you were right. He wouldn't mind kissing you at all, even though that was always a hard no for him with everyone else. But he wasn't going to give in this fast, he would first just enjoy seeing you work for it and what you were capable of without being on set and having directors tell you what to do and what to say.

'Quite a statement,' he smiled and placed his big hand on your thigh.

'I know what I'm capable of,' you said with a cocky grin, your hand slowly moving up to his inner thigh.

You then began to rub his bulge through his pants, knowing exactly that the only reason you were invited was to show him what you were capable of, and you would make sure to give him exactly what he wanted in order to get that movie made as it would surely boost your career. Masema looked at you through his sunglasses, keeping his unphased posture while he wanted nothing more than to rip your clothes off and fuck you until you couldn't remember your own name anymore, which is what he'd usually do, but he'd play by your rules for once now and sit it out.

He lightly traced your bare shoulder with his fingers while you continued to palm his trapped erection, and he felt a little lightheaded when you suddenly got up and stood in front of him. He watched you in silence as you slowly took off your cropped shirt and then sat down, straddling his lap. You placed your hands on his broad shoulders and teasingly grinded down onto him while you leaned in closer.

'So fucking hard already,' you purred as your noses touched lightly.

Masema hummed in response, his arms still spread while he enjoyed the friction you gave him, even if it was nowhere near enough.

'Can't wait to put you in my mouth and suck you dry, big boy,' you chuckled, to which Masema flashed a sly smile.

He then took your chin, firmly holding it with just three fingers while he nuzzled your nose briefly.

'And I can't wait to see your tears run down your cute little face while you choke on it,' he husked.

You sat back and laughed softly, that cheeky little laugh you always did in your movies, Masema had heard it before. But it was a little different this time, he could tell that this time it was genuine. And in response to that he suddenly grabbed your throat, pleasantly tight as he was squeezing, and he pulled you back to him to crash his lips onto yours, making it the sloppiest and hottest kiss you had ever received and it left your head spinning once he pulled away.

You then smoothly dropped to your knees while you were still recovering from the unexpected kiss. You were quick to unbutton his jeans while Masema just looked down at you, his lower lip drawn between his teeth and his head slightly tilted to the side. You pulled out his hard length, which was throbbing and you felt every vein as you gave his thick cock a few firm strokes. He was even thicker and longer than you anticipated.

You looked up at him as you dragged the tip of your tongue up from the base of his cock to his tip, which you teased with your tongue while he still sat back with his arms stretched out over the couch. He smiled faintly at you before he brought one hand up to the back of your head.

'That's it,' he said with a soft hum, 'wrap your pretty lips around my cock,' he then took off his shades, 'and look into my eyes while you suck me off.'

Your eyes remained locked intensely as you enthusiastically began to bop your head, while he gradually pushed your head down further, shoving his cock all the way down your throat until you gagged and your eyes teared up. You pulled away when he released his grip on your head, and he took your chin as you gasped for a moment of air.

'Already too much?' he smirked.

'No,' you smiled and wiped your mouth, drool and precum already coating your lips and chin.

'Good,' Masema murmured and stroked your cheek with the back of his hand, 'tell me, beautiful, have you been slapped before?'

'No,' you almost giggled and gave him a daring look as you worked him with your hands.

Masema understood your gaze, and he then suddenly slapped your cheek, causing you to gasp and half moan with excitement before your cheeky laughter sounded again as you looked back into his eyes, hungry for more.

'Hm, you like that, don't you?' he asked and gently caressed your reddening cheek.

'Yes,' you smiled with hooded eyes while tears of pleasure slowly escaped and rolled down your face.

Masema hummed with a satisfied smile and slapped you again, then immediately took your face firmly as he leaned in.

'I'm going to corrupt you,' he said softly with his warm and raspy voice, 'I'll turn you into the dirty slut that you are.'

You bit down on your lip as you nodded and smiled, your eyes darting up and down between his deliciously twitching cock and his beautiful mismatched eyes.

'You want my cock?' he purred, seeing the hunger and need in your eyes.

'Yes, please,' you said desperately, 'I want to suck your big and pretty cock.'

'I know you do,' Masema murmured, 'you're practically drooling all over it, aren't you?' he teasingly slapped the tip of his cock against your parted lips while your eyes pleaded for more.

'Please,' you begged, then opened your mouth and stuck out your tongue as Masema stood up and towered over you.

He leaned in and took your chin firmly again to kiss you.

'So pretty when you beg for me,' he husked and teased your watering mouth again with his cock, giving you only the tip before he pulled away again, 'so pretty on your knees for me.'

You smiled and squeezed your thighs together in search of relief as you watched him stroke his cock above your face. Masema slid his fingers in your hair, clenching a fistful to keep you in place and then shoved his whole length down your throat again. He exhaled sharp with pleasure and threw his head back, and he continued to fuck your mouth with a steady pace until he felt his climax was slowly approaching and the tears rolled down your face. He pulled out before he came at the sight of the mess you were, and he told you to take off your pants. You obeyed, but in return you told him to take off his shirt, to which he grinned and listened. You were then completely exposed, standing in front of Masema while he teasingly slowly slid down his boxers after he had taken off his jeans.

You admired his body; his toned biceps and muscular chest were to die for, his broad shoulders were perfect to hold onto, and his abs were simply an invitation to drag your tongue across. His thighs were muscular too and perfect to get off on if he wouldn't allow you the joy of getting fucked by him, but luckily he wasn't going to deny you that pleasure. 

He picked you up with ease and threw you onto the comfortable bean bag next to the pool and, instead of getting straight to the point like he usually does, he granted you some of the soft porn sensuality you were used to and he slowly kissed his way from your ankle to your inner thighs. He then locked your hips with his arms as he kissed your soaked folds, before delving his tongue right in and pleasing you orally just the way you had done for him. He used his tongue and fucked you with his fingers until he felt your walls clench around his digits. He then pulled away, not allowing you your high yet, and before you could whine at the loss he had you already picked up in his strong arms again, and he slid his thick cock inside you with ease, stretching and filling you completely. He pounded your pussy without mercy, his hands holding your thighs bruisingly while you desperately clung onto his shoulders and kept your legs wrapped around his waist.

You both began to moan at the feeling, but before it became too much he pulled out again and quickly bended you over the table nearby, taking you from behind and causing your moans to become out of control while he ravaged you perfectly. He held your wrists with one hand, keeping your arms behind your back while his other hand was between your shoulders, keeping you pressed down on the table while he had his way with you.

'Nice and tight,' Masema moaned and laughed, 'fuck, your pussy feels so fucking good.'

'Ahh, fuck,' you moaned with ragged breaths, 'more, please,' you begged and squirmed when he suddenly pulled out.

You moaned in protest, but then he unexpectedly shoved his cock fully back inside you again rather slowly, which made you whine with pleasure and was the reason for your eyes to roll back and your mouth to fall open with a smile curled on your lips.

'Harder,' you begged with a whisper.

'Look at you,' Masema said with a mocking tone as he pulled out slowly again, 'begging to be fucked harder,' he grabbed your hair and made you look up at him while he leaned in from behind, 'is that what cute and innocent girls do, hm?'

Before you could respond he slammed back into you again, and he felt you immediately clench around him while you squealed and screamed out in absolute pleasure.

'Oh, you're my favourite,' he grunted, repeating the movement again and again, 'so easy to corrupt. I'm going to enjoy having my way with you, doll,' he laughed and pulled out again, then easily picked you up once more and threw you over his shoulder.

He slapped your ass hard, to which you gasped and laughed as he manhandled you with ease, and you loved every second of it. He took you back to the loungeset, where he sat down and pulled you in his lap so he could fuck you from underneath. Your head was resting back on his shoulder while he fucked you out of your mind, hearing his low and ragged breathing in your ear while you felt his hand around your throat and his other on your waist. You could only mumble incoherently and moan loudly as he fucked into you deeply, his balls violently slamming against your pussy with each thrust, driving you both nearly to the edge. 

He then swiftly swapped places and pinned your knees next to your head so he could fuck you even deeper while he looked down into your eyes. He fucked you like that until your legs were shaking and your moans sounded with a faint tremble as you both watched his cock slide in and out of you.

'Fuck,' you whined and looked back up into his eyes, only being able to murmur your words while you were simply cock drunk, 'ahh, fuck, you're so good. So fucking good,' you half drooled, 'I love your cock,' you laughed cheekily again, 'hm, I love your big fucking cock inside of me.'

'Yeah,' he husked and grabbed your throat, 'you dirty slut,' he laughed, 'you don't like to be fucked only soft, do you?'

'No,' you babbled as you struggled to keep your eyes open, feeling him bruisingly deep inside you.

'Taking me so well,' Masema rasped, 'I've never seen you this fucked out before,' he smiled, 'you just needed a real man to fuck you stupid like this, didn't you?'

'Mhm,' you hummed and moaned as you felt your core tighten abruptly.

And before you could even try to stop it, you felt your release coming in heavy waves with loud moans as you clawed at his back. Masema climaxed quickly after you, with a heavy groan, and he took your face to look at you while he slowly fucked you through both your highs.

'That's it,' he cooed, 'good girl, so beautiful,' he smiled a little dazed and kissed your lips gently.

'Oh, fuck,' you sighed, satisfied, 'fuck,' you said again and laughed before you kissed him, 'fuck, I think I'm in love with you,' you murmured against his lips.

Masema chuckled and shook his head as he stilled inside you.

'That's what they all say once I'm done with them,' he said and pulled out of you.

He helped you sit back gently and then gathered your clothes and gave them to you before he was fast to slip his own boxers on again.

'You can use the bathroom upstairs to clean up,' Masema said, 'second door on the left.'

You thanked him and went to clean up, needing a moment to yourself to gather some strength again. But still, your legs felt unsteady once you walked down the marble stairs and returned to the Masema's backyard, where he sat back on one of the lounge chairs with his shades on again.

'You good?' he asked.

'Yeah, you smiled, 'I should get going.'

'Sure, let me walk you out then.'

Masema walked you to his door and told you to have your manager hit up his manager, so a date and location to shoot an actual movie could be arranged, to which you happily agreed.

'Thanks for the good time,' he said and kissed your cheek, 'I'll see you soon, yeah?'

'For sure,' you smiled and felt yourself blush lightly, 'you'll see me soon.'

'Should be a good time again,' Masema said and winked, then checked out your ass while you walked as steady as you could to your car, so you could drive home and arrange the shoot.

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[rpstartersinc]

* 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝟑: 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏.

feel free to change pronouns / wording! potential spoilers!

" we have been apart for far too long. "

" seems as though your business is thriving. "

" there's no need to shout. "

" you've gotten rather good. "

" do you not wish to greet me? "

" i was nowhere and everywhere. "

" the lack of interest here today shall usher me to an early grave at any moment. "

" i simply could use some peace. "

" the truth has a way of rearing its ugly head. "

" i take it you are finally done with daydreaming? "

" do you find yourself back in town for any particular reason? in search of something or... someone? "

" i do not wish to see a citrus colour, ever again. "

" you have never been one for silly romances. "

" a man cannot tell his secrets. "

" i have kept your secret exactly because i do not wish to keep revisiting the past. "

" i must make a good impression. "

" i wonder what whistledown will write about next issue. "

" what a striking gown you have on. "

" i should like a moment alone. "

" once one finds oneself on the wall, it is difficult to come off it. "

" you do not much like attracting notice, do you? "

" it is a pity you did not choose something sturdier. "

" if you are going to make me say it out loud, i miss you. "

" what you did was cruel, and unnecessary. "

" i'm sorry for intruding. "

" it pains me to see you upset. "

" if a husband is what you seek, then... let me help you. "

" what i have learned is that charm can be taught. "

" i do love a game, especially when i am so often the victor. "

" i do not fear change, i embrace it. "

" i do not care what lady whistledown writes about me. "

" i should like to see your skills as they are, first. "

" i suggest you make good use of it. "

" you agree, i am unteachable. "

" you already know how to do this. "

" it is impossible to be in society and not care what others think. "

" do you think me a magician? "

" we needed a place to be alone. "

" you don't have to be embarrassed, you know me. "

" that's exactly why i will feel even more embarrassed, because i know you. "

" somehow my character gets lost between my heart and my mouth, and i find myself saying the wrong thing or more likely nothing at all. "

" your eyes are the most remarkable shade of blue. yet, somehow, they shine even brighter when you are kind. "

" your writing... it is very good. "

" they've taken to hunting in packs. "

" you know, whenever i have a disagreement with an acquaintance, i find the best course of action is simply to pretend they are dead. "

" talents? no. unless you consider a knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time a talent. "

" now i can stuff my mouth with chocolates without fear of appearing impolite. "

" i do not much care for idle gossip. "

" i think i am somehow afraid i will do something wrong. "

" despite the cover of night, there are still eyes upon us all at all times. "

" what is foolish is being unreasonable about what you can achieve. "

" men can often cause much more trouble than they are worth. "

" i bribed her to give us a minute alone. "

" a small taste of the light can lead to that most dangerous of emotions: hope. "

" once hope is lost, a lady may become reckless. "

" would you kiss me? "

" i do not wish to die without ever having been kissed. "

" i apologise for the late hour, but i had to see you, immediately. "

" you occupy my every thought. "

" you slept late. "

" i slept peacefully. "

" a week sequestered in your room, and you come down and you say this to me? "

" i noticed you have not been seen in society for some time. "

" i would certainly rather be predator than prey. "

" i think i see a corner in which to hide myself. "

" you must simply follow your heart. "

" it is the mark of a good man, to help a friend in need. "

" unfortunately, i require all pity for myself. "

" i find your frankness immensely refreshing. "

" is there some reason you are trying to escape civilisation? "

" we can do whatever we want. "

" i have heard a great deal about you. "

" that was a thrilling distraction, was it not? "

" it was a good thing no one was injured. "

" a man can be pensive, can he not? "

" i am in awe of your heroism. "

" some cannot help being heroes. "

" in need of some quiet? i have been in search of it all night. "

" perhaps we can enjoy the silence together. "

" well, then you have misjudged me. "

" i am not afraid of you. "

" courage is within us all. "

" as long as we are honest with ourselves and about our feelings, it is possible to do anything. "

" the person i was earlier today... i was pretending to be someone i am not. "

" how many yous are there, exactly? and where do you hide them all? "

" i have come to call on you. "

" i do not wish to be called on. "

" step another pace backwards, you read me too well. "

" i do not wish to interfere. "

" i cannot have you growing distracted. "

" i do not mind a stirring tale or a book of fact but, in truth i find myself drawn back time and time again to stories of... love. "

" i do not believe i have ever had a friend call to the house before. "

" a gentleman must keep some things to himself. "

" do not tell me you are holding out for love. "

" love is make-believe. "

" do you know what is romantic? security. "

" i am grateful to you, for keeping me company. "

" past lives are dangerous places to revisit. "

" if you need to keep your distance from me a while, i understand. "

" you are unlike many people. "

" i do not feel much like talking. "

" i am not a man of many words. "

" my work has such a large portion of my heart it may be difficult to make more space. "

" i cannot stand by and watch you make a mistake. "

" the only mistake was me ever asking for your help in the first place. "

" it is said that the heart is forever making the head its fool. "

" will you please let us ride home in silence and leave me alone. "

" what if i did have feelings for you? "

" i have spent so long trying to feel less. "

" these past few weeks have been full of confounding feelings, feelings like a total inability to stop thinking about you. "

" do not say things you do not mean. "

" do you think anyone saw us? "

" are you going to marry me or not? "

[miupow]

Omg, guess who Lia???

These days cockwarming with jjun thoughts are so on my mind, Lia... I mean just imagine how he'd just not move within you, and test if you like dirty talking, to see what stuff from his filthy mouth makes you clench, or actually some other teasing like touching and playing with your tits and nipples, or your clit but not moving in you is the best torment he can give you, when you're dripping so much and he feels so warm...

"jjun p-please," your small pleas are dead to him from the moment he actually stuffed his fat cock in you, the stretch even so pleasurable, all the thoughts in mind abandoning your conscience where all you see is to beg, but Yeonjun's not listening to his princess tonight as he stills your moments from gripping thighs hard and tight, restricting any friction/stimulation you try to get by squirming or moving yourself ever so slightly, but that's better than nothing, or so you thought, the feel of having him stay still in your warm heat, your core embracing his length, and actually squeezing him as tight as you can sometimes, oh Yeonjun really did enjoy that and deep inside as tormenting it is with the exciting butterflies dancing in your stomanch, you liked it when you shouldn't have. "you want me to fuck but you aren't letting me, baby. if you clench s-so tightly, I might break when I move, so what's it then? Fuck or.. this..?" damn cunning fox. He knows why he isn't moving, watching you fall apart from slightest stimulation by him, absolutely watch you go nuts for his slightest acts of service, he is so obsessed for interested in such a side of yours as his smirk does not falter a little, if anything, it only curves more. "What's wrong baby, cock not enough? What does my pretty slut want? I can see her losing her mind, just by cock huh, isnt it baby?" fuck, you weren't supposed to moan and clench at that. Yeonjun's eyebrows arch a little and he notices your sudden clench at his words, how your hands actually arch themselves along your back but he isn't fucking you, is he? "jjun please, do something." At this point, Yeonjun's lost count of how much you have said 'jjun please's to him tonight, but he just has begun. "Exactly, what do I do baby, when you're clenching at me and not letting me fuck, come one baby, slut up and say it." no. Not again you shouldn't clench but you do, why is he so lewd with his words that makes you wanna clench at him, is he having a control on your body? Oh yes he does but this. Fuck that laugh he lets out, as he grabs yours and cages them in his one hand and caresses your thighs, laying pressing and soothing touches as he reaches your inner thighs near your cunt, filled with his cock, the sight so fucking lewd to see, as his eyeballs curve into crescents and he smiles so heartily, his princess is perfectly sized for his cock, dripping exactly as he desires, "fuck... could you look at this, how dirty, you love my cock so much huh? Look at how well you've taken it all and yet dripping, clenching at my praises, ah, see that's exactly what I mean... f-fuck that's my slut." He is so lewdly articulate with his words, having you drip like taht, but he isn't getting enough, when you're trembling at his cock, him absorbing every tremor that your cunt exudes, your sweating face and your desperate face, just like he wants. "jjun, f-fuck me please." He shifts his gaze at you, with a pouty face that he makes, as he looks down at you pity, he tsks so much as he speaks so mockingly, "well, baby... no." As he teases your clit and gets you to squeeze him more, uh oh. It's so good, I want more. She is so perfect.

IS THIS NOULLI i am so sorry i've been sitting on this for ages gatekeeping this little drabble i almost wanted to keep it for myself it's so good but others have got to see it... i'm losing my mind i'm gonna be so embarrassed if this isn't noulli omg

i've been on such a yeonjun brainrot era this is wild and darksided and evil!!! my brain rn omg

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

“Just how low did you think I’d go before I’d self-implode, before I’d have to go be free?” is kind of the thesis statement to TTPD.

From the story being told in these songs, as well as what we’d previously heard, she sank lower and lower in depression (and self-harm) as the relationship disintegrated until it hit its final dying throes that she did inevitably snap, and for a time did self-implode. And in her case, the self-implosion came in the form of blowing up her life and running to another ill-fated relationship, because things has gotten so bad that *that* felt like a viable alternative to the life she’d been leading.

And in the depths of her pain, it *did* feel like freedom. (Not a coincidence that Fresh Out The Slammer follows shortly after on the track list.) Even removing the rebound out of it, having to cut herself off from that cage had to feel like finally letting out the breath she’d been holding in after the sharp intake of breath from YLM.

Everything that comes before So Long London could be interpreted as setting the stage and introducing the themes that culminate in this very moment: the suburban gothic fantasy of Fortnight giving an unwelcome glimpse into an unhappy future on the present course, TTPD laying the groundwork of the appeal of reconnection from the past and of the fantasy of the alternative, My Boy giving excruciating insight of being hurt by someone trusted and Down Bad succinctly painting a picture of the immediate fallout of the self-implosion.

So Long London is her jailbreak, but it’s also a treatise on the events leading up to it. She’s not just angry at the subject for not fighting for them, for not caring for her and for their relationship, for not acknowledging how much he hurt her. She’s asking, what other choice did you think I had? What else was I supposed to do? This was killing me and the only way I could end it was brutally because you wouldn’t take it seriously until I blew it and myself up.

There are so many parallels to You’re Losing Me, and many of us have clocked that this song is like the sequel to YLM with a little distance and perspective, but it strikes me that one of the parallel to “just how low did you think I’d go before I self-implode?” is “Every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes, how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?” She’d been saying for ages how this was killing her and showing in just as many other ways, all to be ignored as she fought on the frontlines of his army. It’s a picture of someone willfully ignoring the other’s pain, yet holding onto their indignation when that neglect leads to explosive results.

The rest of the album colours in some of the lines of that self-implosion: giving in to fantasies about someone else because her partner has turned away, running into the arms of someone despite the loud voices telling her he’s wrong, lashing out at others who have hurt her and continue to hurt her even in the wake of this latest scandal, the dawning realization that the quick-fix scheme is perhaps another spike in the road, the latest loss that leaves her unmoored and causes all these issues to come home to roost, the unparalleled anger at being used yet again, the pain of the spotlight in an industry ready to cut any woman down at the drop of the hat, and also finally finding someone who does cherish her and does realize they’re on the same team.

So if, as she says in the epilogue, that TTPD is a glimpse into a period of so-called mania, it’s the verbalization of the self-implosion she warned about in So Long London. She asked him rhetorically how low he thought she’d have to go before she lost it, and TTPD as an album ends up laying out the evidence to how low she did indeed have to end up before she was free of not only him but of the demons that had plagued them both.

(Hence why So Long London is absolutely important as a Track 5 because it *is* the breaking point that leads to the events thereafter in the story, and the foil to what she does eventually learn and find elsewhere. She did have to go be free and discovered plenty of other things as a result.)