Kudo is actually such a kind, soft-hearted guy that had to toughen up because he cared too much
He looked at AFO's rule, and even though he was weak, he had that glint in his eye that has been referred to as the "will of a hero" to oppose him. A hopeful glint shared with Midoriya, Bakugo, and Hawks
He even parallels Hawks when they talk about that particular look in their eye
From a glimmer in the eye, to which eye is shown, how much of the face, a similar angle of the face, and placement of text questioning the existence of that light,
He stormed to kill Yoichi with Bruce, but couldn't, once he saw the state Yoichi was in. Even knowing he was the enemy, he still reached out his hand and never let go, even when they were running
When Yoichi died, even though they'd only been together for two months, Kudo still cried and froze up.
This is a reaction from a man who repeatedly used lives as a stepping stone for his own goal.
Kudo said himself, that victory was life, and defeat was death. He had killed and seen his friends killed over and over, but still cries when it happens again. And to someone he only knew for two months, at that.
Kudo gathered allies under his cause, and they were loyal enough to die for him. Bruce cries (still smiling tho) facing AFO, tried protecting Kudo when he froze up at Yoichi's death, and we see all Kudo's comrades dead in the end. Maybe Bruce was suicidal when he went to face AFO, knowing he'd die, but most of his comrades (and Kudo) were already gone. Their cause was snuffed out, but the will persisted.
Kudo is a bit like Aizawa.
A bit crass and blunt, doesn't like beating around the bush, but he can clearly see what kind of person you are. He's not openly kind, but you know he cares so much, but has also lost too much once. He's seen his friend(s) die, and shouldn't it have been him in that spot? Shouldn't he have died instead, but was forced to continue living for that dead person's sake?
His speech about why we call Abilities "Quirks", recognizing people's intent over raw power is the real power. (Ch 369)
He's blunt and goes straight to the results rather than beat around the bush, but it doesn't mean his heart is frozen and he doesn't care about you. (Ch 408)
He cares so much, and that's why he has to do so much. (His whole Resistance thing, figuring out how Yoichi's Factor works to make sure Yoichi and his will can live on in some way)
He recognizes that Midoriya isn't driven by duty, but that he genuinely adores Quirks too much. (Ch 414) He could look at Midoriya, read that immediately, and even though he looked through his memories, Midoriya's character was his takeaway. Not that Midoriya is an idiot for letting himself be stepped on, or that this kid was bullied, but that Midoriya could see the goodness in others.
Like how Aizawa saw that Midoriya was relying on the reason [It can't be helped] whenever OFA broke his bones and told him he can't always break himself just because he could be fixed (Midoriya's recklessness that showed itself on the first day of school). He called out something that was an underlying, innate belief to Midoriya, that was so normal to the teen, and no one else had brought up as wrong to him.
The first thing they perceive is a person's character.
When Aizawa tied up Midoriya on the first day of school, he wasn't telling him off over his Quirk destroying him being a PR thing or too gruesome for the public. It was out of the fact that his Quirk shouldn't destroy him, because it's dangerous for Midoriya.
Aizawa came off antagonistic, but he was looking out for Midoriya. He didn't want him to keep breaking his whole arm, he didn't want him to get stuck in the mindset that he had to get hurt to use his Quirk, he was looking out for his wellbeing from the start. A kid he didn't know personally until that day.
Kudo did a similar thing. He turned his back, and refused to help, because they were putting their hopes in a delusional boy who would go too far. When the vestiges realized their gathered Abilities and Quirks were letting Midoriya have the freedom to do as he wished, Kudo already knew, only saying "His path is the right one". He could relate to having to run full-sprint to see your goal realized, even if everything opposed him, but didn't want Midoriya to go through that same path alone.
If he were alone, he'd be like Nagant. He had to have comrades to be like Kudo, able to continue and stand for their beliefs, but having comrades to fall back on, or pull him back when it's too much. That's why he follows up in that moment with, "But, if there's something Midoriya does need..."
Kudo and Aizawa could see themselves or their comrades in others, and knew how to approach those character flaws that were normalized to others and said person.
Kudo could see others for who they were, and I think it's this, and his caring nature, that he gathered so many allies with him. He knew when to be blunt, when to show kindness, that the truth hurts but needs to be seen, was actually very logical and witty, and when to step aside and let people do their thing, even if it wasn't the best move (like saving All Might). Because that was what was best for that person.
It's not like people would join someone so wholeheartedly without conviction and being left unseen by that person. So many people were willing to die with and for Kudo, and Bruce believes in him so much.
When All Might's vestige was fading and becoming more solid, Kudo had to look away. They knew it meant All Might was dying in the real world.
Kudo was telling Midoriya not to intervene with Gearshift there. But once he saw All Might genuinely dying out, he couldn't look at him, and kept quiet. He stopped hanging onto battlefield logic of necessity, shut up, let Midoriya do his thing, and it saved All Might. It saved Midoriya from seeing his idol die in front of him, and Kudo didn't have to see another ally die beside him.
The chapter is literally called [We Love You All Might!!]. Even if it's just meant to focus in Bakugo and Midoriya, and only has 2 exclamation marks, it can't discount the world is watching. The vestiges care about All Might too.
When the vestiges come up with the plan to forcibly transfer themselves to deal damage, Kudo volunteers himself as the test dummy. Sure, he backs it with a lot of reason too, but he didn't want anyone else to go first as a test drive
He, with a Gearshift Ability that resembled a manual car, was the test drive. Ha ha pun- *gets shot*
En tried going first. Kudo rejected him, saying he would go first.
"Part ways with Gearshift [me], and you'll be free of the crippling recoil too."
Too. TOO.
KUDO JUST WANTED TO GO AND BE DESTROYED FIRST. HE PUT THE FREEDOM OF RECOIL DOWN AS AN EXTRA BONUS SO THEY'D AGREE WITH HIS CHOICE.
I'd cut the image so it looks better, and I can use Bruce's words elsewhere, but this is an image limit, so,
- Kudo refused to let anyone else go first. This was before giving reasons to convince them he should leave first
- En gives reason to why it can't be Kudo. Kudo just says, "Listen." and reminds them of now.
- Look at Kudo's face when he says that. The guy knows what he's doing when he cuts off En, and would probably be a horrible liar. He might as well be pulling this out of his ass.
He's said "The world will end" "You have to or else" "Five minutes" "You're going to die" a few times in this fight already. DUDE STOPPP
(Terrible liar and a guy who purposely eggs you to torment? What a great friend he would be [yknow, when u make ur friends freak out by being ominous or reminding them of stuff. Like Toast to Lilypichu in a game of Observation Duty])
- "Too."
- Bruce's trust in him, but knowing when to pull Kudo back from going too far
Also, when he's transferred, he smiles to Midoriya. He knows he's about to die again, but the last thing he does for Midoriya is
1) Take away the recoil of his existence as a Factor on the boy
2) Reassure him that it's okay, so it doesn't weigh on his conscience
Even if only in thought, STILL!
KUDO LOOKED SO PROUD OF MIDORIYA!
I bet Kudo is suuuch a sentimental fool
> [Be me and watch your new friend die]
> [I have Yoichi's Factor]
> [It's like I carry his will now]
> [Have a glint of opposition in my eye that drives the Demon Lord and my comrades (Bruce) crazy]
> [Hey Bruce, let's figure out how it transfers]
> [Bruce's common sense VS my rabid ideas]
> [I win]
> [Bruce was unwilling the whole time and still ends up with the Factor]
> [The Factor is named One For All, after something in Yoichi's favorite comic book series]
> [We pass it on to the future to carry forward]
> [Even as everyone else and me dies, I make sure Yoichi and his will are safe from his Demon Lord brother that locked him up]
> [Decades later, my sweet vaulted friend reminds me of when we met]
> [I turn around and give my whole-hearted support to believe in some 15-year old boy because Yoichi believes in him too]
SEN - TIM - ENT - AL!
When Shinomori was stolen by AFO, Shinomori pushed everyone away before they could really notice the invader. Kudo called out for him.
Everyone is in shock, but I don't think it's a mistake that the text bubble calling out for Shinomori is pointing from Kudo.
All For One made it through and is ready to steal them, but the first thing Kudo did was call out for the one at the very front.
[On the post I made that mentions Shinomori pushing everyone away] What if Kudo wasn't pushed away? What if this was him at the front, realizing the danger and turning around, but being unable to do anything for Shinomori when he saw?
Like Bruce, Kudo communicates. He doesn't expect you to just follow or understand him. He actually lays it out and makes sure you keep up.
He explains
- the transfer of vestiges, and why he should go first
- his Quirk
- why Quirks are Quirks
- reports to Midoriya what's happening and what's next
- to Yoichi why they couldn't trust in a delusional boy. In a way that wasn't Bruce's roundabout "we lived in a terrible era and a leader gathered us"
When En panics, he barks at En to keep up. By barking at him, rather than any other way he could've used his tone, it shuts up En in his frantic babbling. Kudo also lets Vestige Might put in his thoughts to understand better, and uses it.
Eye reflection. Kudo can really see people for who they are, and understands others, and himself.
I can't repeat the pics cuz image limit, but look at previous panels here. For example, Kudo saying Yoichi's will lives in him, and when AFO reflected in his eyes
It's something I learned from Re:Zero. When a person in reflected in one's eye, something something that person can see the true core of you, of what you really are underneath everything. The eyes are the window and mirror [glass] of the soul. I finally see the true you.
AFO never reflected anyone.
But Kudo reflected AFO when the man accidentally killed Yoichi. He saw that AFO wasn't seeing anything, so later, Kudo smiled and mocked AFO at his own death.
"Yoichi?"
"He's gone."
"You killed him, Demon Lord."
And AFO hated that reminder.
Kudo was reminding him of what the truth was. Kudo saw it himself, and AFO blocked it out from the get-go. Kudo already knew what AFO was, what he was seeing, what he was doing to himself by blaming Kudo instead of himself.
And then, Kudo's eyes reflected his own hand when he realized Yoichi's Factor was in him.
Kudo clearly saw himself, and in himself, Yoichi. Nothing distorted it. It really was a clear mirror.
He really perceived Yoichi's will was living on, and was right. Otherwise, his eyes wouldn't have shown it.
Kudo was right about AFO. It's even implied back when he and Bruce had their backs turned; Kudo knew what AFO's real goal was. That was back when AFO preached unity and division under him.
Kudo could always see right through AFO. He really understood people from the start. And he never tried making up truths to justify what he was seeing, facing it head-on.
Kudo's lying about the world being black and white.
Kudo and Bruce saw the world as black and white. This was mentioned in the void.
Kudo also says, "Victory meant life. Defeat meant death."
But it's the Resistance. It's when Japan and the world was at their lowest. The world wasn't black and white; there's lots of gray.
Kudo and Bruce would've seen this. Kudo even admits that there's gray, just not directly.
Kudo says Yoichi knows, how he killed and trampled so many lives, to get back at AFO. He knows it wasn't right, or an amazing choice. Later, he says that when your back is against the wall, you have to make callous judgements. These hint at gray moments.
Kudo and Bruce have faced and been in the gray. But it's too hard to make the right choices, and there are times there is no right answer.
Historically, soldiers would convince themselves the enemy were monsters. They wouldn't be able to fight and kill them otherwise. They wouldn't be able to live with themselves without believing in this so badly.
Kudo and Bruce had to have been the same way. They were Meta Humans [Monsters] in a time they were viewed as diseased humans. The monsters were real. And they had a Demon Lord. Kudo and Bruce literally dressed up as soldiers.
Even if they were monsters to society, being Meta, Kudo and Bruce were still human. They knew this. The ones who tried believing in only black and white were inhabitants of the gray itself.
But they have to protect themselves. Kudo is so adamant that the world is only black and white, because he can't stand the gray. What it makes him do, what it means, that he's too weak to do anything.
Yoichi is an example of that gray area. The mortal enemy's younger brother, was actually locked up and sickly. He's just a comic book nerd. And it humanized the other side Kudo opposed so vehemently.
Kudo says victory is life and defeat is death. And Yoichi asked why he reached out to him then. He reminded Kudo of that gray area, and Kudo opened up.
Kudo might avoid the gray area because it's a matter of the heart and a moral dilemma, but it's what makes him human. When there's no right answer in the battlefield, he decides on his feelings instead.
He wishes the world was black and white, because it'd be so easy. But it's not.
Yoichi reminded him of how entering that gray area led to OFA ("when you reached out your hand to me"), and it had been the best choice in the end. The gray area is real, and Kudo's left a bare man with only his emotions when he's there.
Kudo is actually really kind and understanding. He's too soft for his own good. Thanks if you made it this far, I hope it makes sense (tag and image limit)
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
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Ok ok, system experiences: weird forms of amnesia edition
Alright, like the alterhuman folks have all been saying today, lemme try to actually write some of this personal experiences stuff instead of only reblogging posts about how it'd be a great thing to do, lol
Bit of rambling about one of the few forms of amnesia/(amnesia-adjacent-thing? idk) that we experience, and don't hear other systems describe as much.
So, as a system, we don't (as far as we know) have a lot of amnesia, especially not amnesia around events or blackouts between switches. We do have different emotions and perspectives about stuff, and different degrees of emotional attachment to different memories and concepts, but most of the time we have access to the same memories, and can tell who's front-POV any individual memory was from when either of us recalls it.
We did get a bit of a reminder today that we do actually experience some form of narrative/episodic amnesia...kind of? We don't hear it talked about a lot, so hey, I'll talk about it, and I'd love to know if anyone reading this recognizes it (either from their own experiences, or if they happen to know some kind of official term for it or something).
Essentially, it's like...temporary, stress-induced memory shutdowns? Kind of like how when we're having a really out-of-it day, we can just mentally afk and miss 50%-80% of what someone says when they're trying to have a conversation with us, except it'll extend beyond just immediate short-term recall and make it hard to access practically anything from the whole week/month/etc.
A key thing about the experience for us is that it doesn't feel like...a "blackout", and (as far as we've been able to tell from getting better memory access back later) it's not centered around specific extra-upsetting events or anything, it's more like...really, really bad internet connection while trying to search our brain for answers to stuff. "What did we do this past week? idk, it was normal stuff, though. How are we feeling, I know intellectually it was kind of a rough week? idk pretty chill probably :)"
Also, we can kinda start getting recall back if we're prompted about specific details and stuff, but too much trying-to-remember effort (especially in situations where we're being called on to do emotional work, like therapy sessions) can also turn into a headache--like, oh yeah, here's the memory, but if we get more than "a sentence or two into the first paragraph" of recalling it, we'll get a nice little dissociation headache and suddenly something else seems way more interesting to think about.
Anyways, thought that might be a useful experience for other folks to compare notes on? It doesn't feel from the inside like amnesia in the "traditional" sense, really, not only because it's in transient episodes but also because we still have the strong sense that the memories are actually there and that there's no lost time or anything Really Bad that's been redacted.
It's also it's pretty overtly obvious that it's protective mechanism due to stress/mental overload, even though it's not deliberate, and not under conscious control. In that way, it feels like a pretty apt comparison to say that it's like we're having a speech shutdown episode, except for about memory instead of talking out loud--we didn't lose the memories, the mental filing cabinet drawer just got stuck; we didn't lose our verbal processing, we just can't get the words to happen out loud right now.
If we had to guess, just from how it feels body-wise, the mechanism is probably similar to what happens in catatonia? Also--forgot to mention this earlier, but if we keep getting pressed about stuff, either externally or from pushing ourselves internally, it'll almost always end up triggering a switch (usually to me, which is exactly what happened earlier today in family therapy, lmao). Do I remember the week better than L does, when that happens? Hm. Kinda? The catatonia-like "mentally underwater" feeling goes away for sure, and it's more like...I can get to the bare minimum content information more easily, (like the bullet points info awareness), without getting lost in the fog about it--but I still don't have really any better recall of the narrative stuff. That's my current theory, idk, could be wrong.
Anyone else know what I'm describing? Lmk!
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Yeah, sure, gonna do this too. Here’s a list of some of my ships and also just some dynamics I’m really fond of:
Gonna start with my explicit romantic ships, ranging from OTP (my personal description of an OTP is a pair I cannot imagine in any other relationship) to ships I’m just very fond of.
ContraHero (duh, my OTP of all time)
ParaCold (smth of a secondary OTP, I’d say, since I also can’t imagine them in any other relationship lmao [at least, long-term])
Foreign Body (Quiet/Stranger) (I can’t imagine the heart not being Stranger, tbh, and also, smth about the both of them having a ‘monstruous’ form aksmdjddj)
Skeptunist (it’d be a slooooooww and LOOOONNNG burn, but I think the progress would be so interesting and the eventual relationship so weirdly sweet)
Ghost Lily (Spectre/Witch) (reaching OTP to me, ngl, as I can’t bring myself to be invested in other relationships involving them lmao)
Sweethearts (Smitten/Damsel) (have no problems imagining them with others, but this is still my primary ship for them)
Eternal Challenge (Stubborn/Asversary) (same situation as above)
Aaannnnd that’s it for explicit romantic pairs I think, I’m. actually a pretty picky shipper akmaksmdjkdmd
Now let’s move to what I call my OTBesties. When you ship them, but in a ‘they’re besties!!!’ way :D
Dark Comedy (Contra&Cold)
Strategy Game (Skeptic&Cheated)
Shining Shield (Hero&Para)
Bare Root (Wounded Wild&Thorn)
Nightmare&Spectre
Witch&Hunted
Hunted&Stubborn
Mending Hearts (Smitten&Broken)
Prisoner&Cold
Spectre&Paranoid
Confined Minds (Prisoner&Skeptic)
Thespians (Oppy&Smitten)
Hunted&Stubborn
Those are the ones that actively takes up more brain space, and ones which I most rotate around my head. Here’s some general dynamics I like exploring:
North Star (Cold/Oppy): their toxic yaoi wouldn’t last a year and be horrible for the both of them (mainly Oppy), and I’m all here for it.
Smitten and Skeptic, while not in OTBesties tier for me, is also a friendship I’m very fond of. I think they’d have coffee in the morning together.
Nightmare’s possible dynamic with anyone would be so interesting to explore, but especially with Tower– just. imagine the chaos
Speaking of– also Tower’s dynamic with Razor. Put her in the same room with some of the most relentless and violent vessels, I wanna see what happens
Wraith and Cheated would be an interesting dynamic when taken out from their chapter’s context tbh– Wraith is resentful because of how she’s been treated and only resorted to those drastic actions because that’s what you left her with. I think Cheated would sympathize with that and realize the hand he played (if you get him in her chapter) to get her like this.
Oppy and Hunted feel like they’d have a weirdly close and strong bond. Not OTBesties or explicitly romantic, but a secret fourth thing
Oppy and Contra have beef at first sight to me. They either completely ignore each other, or swear to make the other day’s worse, whatever they feel like atm
Also– since me and the folks in the discord started headcanon that while alive, Narrator could’ve been groomed by a cult and that’s why he has such a deep fear of death, and think eternal bliss is the best alternative for that– I’d like to see more of his dynamic with Broken. In a what-if scenario where they both got over enough of their bagage to have an actual conversation together, I think they’d have a lot to talk about.
Also, shout-out to my Happily Single Tokens, aka, characters I hc as non-partnering/not interested in romance/‘just not in the mood for it, dude’:
Cheated, Broken, Thorn (aro hc for her caught my the throat and won’t let go, I’m sorry Modeus), Prisoner, Narrator (AroAce and romance-repulsed king, tbh), and Hunted
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