#when creating something for your fave it’s… really daunting

[misty-moth]

I want to draw… but I should work… but I won’t work… so I should draw… but I have a few things I want to draw… like I’m pretty far into an Arthur piece, but I also have Vlad on the brain and his birthday’s coming up… but I also want to draw a kind of s/i for ikesen… siiiiigh it’s so hard to be a Moth

[judasofsuburbia]

So you’re looking to write some smut but feeling stuck, uninspired, or unsure where to start. Smut writing comes easily to some and not others, and that’s okay! Here are some tips I’ve gathered over my few years of writing smut to take with a grain of salt! It's my opinion; you can always do what you want!! <333

It’s fiction writing at the end of the day. So, it’s okay if you haven’t experienced what you’re writing about or maybe you have experienced it but you find it difficult to put it into words. I’ve never fought a creature from the Upside Down but I’ve written about it because that’s what fiction writing IS!! You’re creating a story from your own experiences/thoughts/emotions and applying it to a made-up scenario. So don’t feel discouraged by your own personal journey, anyone can write smut!!

When in doubt, plan it out. When I’m really stuck, just simply grabbing a piece of notebook paper and writing out each event in a sequence, even in the most basic terms, can make things so much easier. For example: making out, blow job, hand job, prep, fuck. Write down positions (sometimes limbs can get lost in the sauce and it is so hard to figure out how they’re actually doing it lmao). Write down settings. Write down if one person is leading it more than the other or if they switch off. Write down desperation levels (personally, I think it’s more fun when desperation is very high but casual fluffy smut is fun too!!) This will help the writing process feel a lot less daunting. 

More specifically, remember that prep is important. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been taken out of a smutty fic because they get to the main act (penetration, typically) way before someone should be ready to. Fingers, mouths, and lube (actual lube or something that can be safely used as lube. Blood is not lube. Blood is not lube as it is a liquid that dries quickly and offers no moisture so it will not help you penetrate anything, as hot as it would be.) Foreplay and prep can be a really good tool to establish a sexy dynamic between your characters and get the reader ramped up to read through to the end! 

If you feel like the action part is getting too technical, this is where you can add in thoughts and emotions that will give your smut some personality. It can feel very silly to write, for instance, your character A thinking “Wow character B is so hot” but it’s a thought that would probably cross their mind!! Write out any nerves the characters are feeling or maybe even the confidence they’re feeling. Write out what sensations they pay attention to. Write out what they like and dislike. Write out what actions cause an immediate response from them (moaning, bucking their hips, groaning, eyes rolling, etc.) Write out how your character would verbally respond (Are they dirty talking? Are they praising? Are they degrading? Are they stuttering through their words? Are they incoherent because the sex is so good?) It’s important that your characters still feel natural and not like sex robots. Unless your story is about sex robots, then go off!!!

The thesaurus is your fucking FRIEND!! Smut can feel ridiculously repetitive, especially if you’ve written it before. I say every time I write a blow job scene that “god blow job scene is blow job scene is blow job scene” because that’s how it FEELS! Use your resources like the thesaurus or there are a million posts with other ways to say “said”, ways to describe a kiss, etc. Just be careful that you don’t fall into using words that seem unnatural to the flow of the story (for example, a lot of synonyms for cock are simply…unsettling and can take your reader out of the story). Find ways to creatively tell the same action again and again which leads to tip #5…

Go read some smut. The tag “porn what plot” is so unbelievably helpful. Even if the writing isn’t exactly your style or your preference, sometimes reading someone else’s descriptions of sexual acts can be helpful if you’re lost! I have a few faves that I go back to read to get inspiration and I have notes about what it is specifically I enjoyed about their work. While you’re at it, if a fic inspires you and you feel comfortable doing so, leave a comment! It’ll make the author’s day, I promise. 

TAKE THIS TIP WITH AN ABSOLUTE GRAIN OF SALT but…go watch it. Or my personal preference, go listen to it. If I’m really lost, I’ll seek out audio porn that follows the same ~vibe~ of whatever I’m writing. There are many websites for this but Soundgasm is my go-to (it’s a free upload site so there are THOUSANDS of sounds and varying quality levels so it might take a second to find what you’re looking for)! Even a sexy playlist on Spotify can put you into a good headspace for writing. Just make sure you’re being safe and looking out for your own comfort levels. Never put yourself in a situation to experience something triggering for the sake of writing a good story. 

All of this to say, it is so different to write smut than it is to write a regular plot. It can feel incredibly daunting to go about it and find the perfect balance between technical actions and thoughts/feelings/dialogue and then make it all cohesive in the end. It’s hard to do but it’s not impossible! 

[snowbellewells]

Happy Happy Birthday Jennifer!! @whimsicallyenchantedrose

So, while I wasn’t able to write you a brand new birthday story this year, I thought it might be fun to highlight my all-time favorites of your stories. You were the first fandom friend I met and interacted with, we talked the show and plot points and character development together, and you helped me begin to navigate Tumblr back when I first joined. It’s been a gift to know you all that time, and your writing is a gift to us all! You’ve written so many GREAT stories that it was hard to narrow down, but I have settled on my top half dozen at last to highlight for your special day -- with some cover art for a few of them!!! 💖 Hope this gift serves to remind you of all you’ve written and created and how much all of it - and you!! - are loved. 🥰

The Strongest Magic - This short MC is one of your very early works - a Neverland season 3a divergent tale, but where it diverges gives us powerful adventure and emotion, sacrifice, and much earlier admission and acceptance of the love between our Pirate and Princess. I simply adore it - it squeezes your heart for sure, but it also wraps you up in a wonderful happy ending by the time you are finished.

A Wish Your Heart Makes , Getting to I Do & Mysterious Fathoms Below - This series of longer, connected multi-chapters (The "By Land or By Sea" trilogy) is simply EPIC!!! I don't know how to sing the praises of this story half as much as it deserves. There's adventure in the Enchanted Forest, Camelot, and even under the sea! There's so much beautiful love story for CS (and even some lovely, redemptive Outlaw Queen as well), and @whimsicallyenchantedrose even incorporates some unexpected and perfectly cast characters of myth and legend and her own creation alongside our faves. I don't want to give too much away, but these stories MUST BE read! Once you do, you'll want to read them over and over again.

Happily Ever After - This short MC was originally part of your Fluffy Fridays compilation, and I have often revisited the few chapters of this on their own and definitely think of them as their own little stand-alone story. I love the family recipes, the competition, the rivalry that becomes something much sweeter.... it's a truly delicious addition to your collection of writing!

Caribbean Shores - This lovely little MC reads more like a modern day AU, though they are in Storybrooke and many of our favorite characters still appear. I love the cute sweetness of this one, and the adorable addition of a few scheming cuties from MM's class when she takes them for a field trip tour of the Jolly Roger from Killian. ;) All the sizzle and attraction is there for Emma and Killian right from the start, and though she tries to resist (Why is she always so stubborn?!?) She can't do it for long...

Under the Apple Tree - It's hard to even express how much I adore this fic originally written between season six and season seven of canon. The way @whimsicallyenchantedrose wove in what we knew might be coming in season seven and then supposed what still could happen (a lot of which I would have loved to really see!) is simply brilliant. I love the relationships explored and the way the plot unfolds. It's a special and unique version of our beloved characters, and of course the unstoppable power of Captain Swan to always find each other again is fully on display too! ;p

Until the Stars are all Alight - Wow, this story must have been such a daunting task to undertake - one I would have been afraid to tackle, but the skill with which the OuaT world and the LotR world are woven together, how the plotlines come together and reach fruition, and how the characters coincide for best use so seamlessly is truly admirable and just adds to the depth and power of this full multi-chapter adventure. It has heart and hope and True Love conquering all - all the best things we love so much from the world of fairy tales and the brain of J.R. R. Tolkien!

[fullmetalscullyy]

📥 What's your fave fic to receive comments on?

ty for the ask friend!!!!

i would love to just say them all (bc it's true) hahaha but i'll (try) pick one or two (or more) and give a wee reason why

i could literally go on forever though about my faves. and i have so many!!! which i love for me hehehe :)

ok. so. this fic is my baby. my first born, if u will. let you love me is just. idk. domesticity and ~drama~ and royai all wrapped into one. it was a major comfort to write. the development of the relationship between roy and riza, and all which stood between them was cool to figure out. not to mention giving them their own backstory and own challenges!! that was so fun (and also, cue the ✨ melodrama ✨ for the extra feels hehehehe SO FUN). and omg. riza having a kid and them just having such a wholesome relationship. and then introducing roy into it as well, and having james taking to him so quickly. an absolute TREAT to work on. i still listen to the playlist i created to listen to while writing it today and love it w all my heart with all the memories it sparks 🥰 it's a pure joy. so it makes me endlessly happy when others leave little comments and enjoy it as much as i did working on it. because writing this fic is the most enjoyment i have ever had working on something. pure joy

this next fic is also my baby. my child. the love of my life. hit and run was soooooo fun to work on. it all started as a night out in edinburgh, going on a drunk ghost tour into the vaults of north bridge. next thing i knew, a royai fic pops into my brain and its this beauty right here. stunnin. i really tried to incorporate some of my own country's history into it, blending it in with royai, which is why i love it. and again, it doesn't get a lot of attention nowadays, but when people like it enough to read and drop a wee comment, it sparks so much joy, let me tell u. it makes my day <3 it's probably my most re-read fic from me hahaha

ANOTHER CHILD. my bby. my inferno is just..... so happy. so free from angst - which i wanted!!! i didn't want any drama for royai. there is life drama, just like there is for everyone. but it's mostly just them being happy. in love. doting on each other. being successful and achieving their dreams. so when ppl comment on it and tell me how they love it.......... (one or two have even told me its their comfort fic like !!!!!!!!!!! 😳 wtf!!! 😳😳🥹) it makes my heart so happy. i adore this one sm

special shout out to this one. the way it was, was the biggest, most daunting project i have ever worked on. it took me years to even be mentally prepared to write it haha. there were struggles. there was plenty of hate for it, weirdly, lmao they were wildin - which even pushed me to the point of not even wanting to finish it (i remember conversations with my close friends, offering only to finish it and share it with them, rather than posting it). but guess what, ya bitch overcame it, and i did finish it. i fucking did it!!! and yes, there is melodrama. there is angst, possibly too much of it. but ehhhh who cares. i still love it and that's all that matters. it's another one of my children and i adore it, faults and all 🥰 so whenever i get a wee comment on it i just "audshfdg aww 🥺🥺🥹" it makes those comments even more special to me :)

anyway, thank u for letting me indulge and ramble for a hot minute hahaha thank you for the ask!! 💖💖

feel free to send me a writing ask!

[aurorasgate]

hi luna!

this is my first time sending a message, and i'm too shy to go off anon so i hope this is fine. i just wanted to say that i really admire your writing, and i have been quite a long time reader of your works. it's amazing to see your continued hard work in putting out fics, especially now that you've also expanded your range of fandoms and characters to write for. you are one of the very first writers here on tumblr i followed their work when i first discovered genshin fanfics, especially for diluc.

one of my faves was the one when we accompanied klee the entire day (think it was titled mrs.ragnivndr and klee's day out, or something along the lines). it was such an adorable and cozy read, and i like how you captured klee's character in the story as well.

i know you've said you wanted to get back into the swing of things even though it's sort of been difficult for you, and just know that i am rooting for you! as fun as it is to write it can also be a really daunting task to take, so no matter what just know that there are still people out there who are thankful for the fics you've given us. thank luna!

p.s. hopefully everything i've said about the klee stuff correct, or i'll be really embarrassed.

-🐭 anon (if this is ok and not yet taken)

HI SWEET BABES🩷

it is always okay to send me an ask/dm on or off anon🥰🩷 im so honored that you thought of me & took the time to send me such a sweet message 🥺🩷

eee! that was one of my favorite fics to write! soft worried carrying diluc swoon🫠 i also really love to think about all the friends we get to make by being apart of their life 🥰🩷 im so happy to hear you liked it!

thank you so very much for your kind words & support all of this time 🩷 i can’t express enough how much it means to me & how excited it makes me to continue creating & sharing with you despite how hard i might have found it at times 🥺 my heart is so full thanks to you 🥰🩷🩷 thank you again 🩷🩷

[separatist-apologist]

What are some of your favorite fanfics? You can only include up to 2 LB fics

I was going to wait to answer this in the morning because it's so daunting an ask. But I have to be in office tomorrow and I know I won't have the time, and then I'll forget about this. It's been a long time since anyone asked me my personal favorites.

I put some of them in yesterday's list of elucien recs, so definitely start here. I have to cross post a little, though. None of these are in order, this is actually not a ranking but the opposite of a ranking in which every one is incredible, and written by very wonderful people worth following.

playgirl, by @damedechance. I love this fic. Lucien has an only fans, Elain moderates his chat. She was the first gwynriel writer I ever read. You know I'm weird about Azriel- I don't really enjoy him, but in bookclub, her fic was being recommended CONSTANTLY and I gave it a shot thinking I'd hate it, and she made me insane. The gwynriel fic is Things You Can't Have, and I suggest reading it, too.

Latch, My Fate is Yours; Latch, My Very Soul is Yours by @labellefleur-sauvage. Elucien mummy au and so beautifully done. The author is also an VERY funny person and I recommend anything she writes (such as her 1920's Neris fic And All That Jazz) on vibes alone.

Our Bodies, Possessed By Light @iftheshoef1tz. Azris at its FINEST. If you like Azriel and Eris as a pairing, and you want something that is both achingly beautiful and well-plotted, this is it. This is the fic. Honestly, even if you don't want that, you should read it anyway. It's sexy, it's funny, it's emotional and it's poetic. I think about this fic (the cabin specifically because I'm slutty) all the time.

Crimson Clover, by @thesistersarcheron. Baby's first elriel fic, I heard the sentence "Elain covered in blood" and dropped everything I was doing to learn more. Elain is, in fact, covered in blood and Azriel is pretty insane about it. This author also has a fic bookclub is obsessed with, Viciousness & Intelligence which is Nesta x Cassian x Azriel in a poly bond and another of my personal favorites, Bejeweled in which Feyre is Night Court fae made entirely of jewels and Rhys is...well...down bad as he always is.

Embers, by @ultadverb is my favorite Morlain fic in the fandom. It's so richly written and such a good exploration of Elain and her feelings. She really does Elain such justice. I have it on VERY good authority she's also working on a little monster elucien, and right after I typed that I saw she's actually posted the first chapter, Seven Tears for the Sea, which is selkie Lucien, coastal Elain, I believe. I will be reading that for sure, just as soon as I finish this list, but everyone else should too!

I Believe the Word You're Looking for is "Friends" by @kingofsummer93. Truly Elucien 101 required reading. It's actually on the made-up syllabus I just created in my mind. If you're wanting to settle into a long fic, canon-compliant, adventure fic, THIS is it. Also, people are always asking for BOE smut, well she has so GRACIOUSLY provided it with The Intimacy of Being Understood

Remember, We're Madly In Love by @velidewrites. Have you ever seen one of those really gorgeous mood boards floating around and asked yourself, is that person also an incredibly sexy writer, too? Well I'm here to answer that question with a resounding YES. This is hunger games Feysand and if you've been thinking about reading it, stop thinking and start doing. I don't know when I became a sales person during this sharing of faves, but here we are I guess.

Vanserra Wildlife Rescue by @headcanonheadcase. In the haze that was elucien week, where everyone was creating and I was trying so hard to see all of it (and failing miserably), this fic was a gem. It's meet cute Elucien- he's a wildlife vet, she finds an injured fox. They're both on their way to a blind date (I wonder who they're meeting), and instead cancel to take care of the fox.

Can't Help It by @moodymelanist. This fic was literally why I decided to answer this anon. Nesta and Cassian are in a very toxic relationship but can't keep away from each other. I LOVE this fic, I love their dynamic and without spoiling it, there is a threesome I am still so deeply unwell about, even to this day.

Wonderland by @c-e-d-dreamer. The premise is SO GOOD. Nesta rejects the mating bond and Cassian rejects society. They reconnect later on, and the angst is SO DELICIOUS.

This list is getting really long- I could do this all day, actually. As for my top two @the-lonelybarricade favorites, which is cruel just fyi.

I'm gonna go with

You Look Like Bad News- Elain's neighbor has an annoying habit of fucking REALLY loudly next door.

And of course,

They Are The Hunters, We Are The Foxes, which is the best thing ever produced in the history of ever. Wonderland WHO? This is the shifter elucien romance we deserved, actually.

[smolla-than-a-bug]

wait for me

sano shinichiro x reader

for @xybi’s collab event !

the only thing preventing you from taking the next step in your relationship is the fact that no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to get his daughter to like you

navi | tokrev m.list | event m.list

content — fem!reader, single dad! shinichiro, his daughter kinda mean, reader has parent issues, insecurity & self-doubt, bullying, a bit angsty, marriage, happy ending :D

notes — 8.5k+ wc. didnt intend for this to turn out so long tbh but here we are ig. this yn is inspired by bobbie from four sisters and a wedding cos shes my fave so if u know her story well,,, iykyk :"> song rec for this lil ole oneshot is pwede ba by lola amour

'No' can a daunting word in any given situation. As the sayer rather than the receiver of the word, it takes a solid backbone to be able to pronounce that single syllable in such a way that is resolute; otherwise, it would be so easy to simply give in and go with the flow.

Growing up, you'd been mostly ambitious and hard-working, but you lacked the ballsiness to be able to stand up for yourself, protest your circumstances and say what was really on your mind. You always accepted whatever was thrown at you with not so much a complaint, no matter how difficult or inconvenient—sometimes even painful and emotionally taxing. Whether or not your parents were aware of it, you had never fulfilled the role of being their pride and joy. There was always someone else who was better and achieved more. With every conversation on the dinner table came name-dropping and praise for other people, but never for you.

You never wanted anything more than for someone—anyone—to see you, to appreciate you. It stung that that person was neither of your own parents, and thus you learned to live carrying the agony of feeling invisible and unappreciated. Because of this, you never felt like you were able to make actual connections with other people your age and never experienced many good, long-lasting friendships. No one other than yourself is aware of the hardships you'd been through to get to where you are now.

Over time, you learned how to acknowledge your own efforts. You became used to the feeling of being invisible to others, so you strived to find a way to stand out. If your will sparked out of spite, you couldn't remember because all that matters is that for the first time in your life, you did something to satisfy yourself rather than to please someone else.

You made good use of your skill, your intelligence, your ambition, and somewhere along the road, you graduated with great pride for yourself and everything you've achieved. You put a wall between your current self and your past self, creating a distance that ran from your hometown all the way to Tokyo, where you had found yourself a great job opportunity.

It wasn't easy adjusting to the new environment, but during that period, you had been able to re-examine yourself and set a few rules. Gone was the Y/N that accepted her "fate" without a thought. The new Y/N would take every chance to assert herself and show the world what she's capable of.

And you did exactly that.

You gained admirers in your work, and you were able to climb up the ranks. In no time, you were able to attain a substantial amount of income for yourself at the ripe age of 23, and you were able to send a fair amount of money back home even if you barely contacted them anymore. Despite your complicated relationship with your family, you weren't heartless.

You were content with your life as it was in Tokyo, albeit immersed in work.

The only thing is that, the whole "showing the world what you're capable of" thing had been balanced out by the universe with an "I can do it myself and I refuse to seek help from anyone" attitude in you, and it applied to everything. Even when heavy rains plagued Japan, cellular reception was weak, and your car broke down along an unfamiliar street.

As the voice on your phone speaker reiterates for the nth time that your call has once again failed, you rest your head against the wheel. Over half an hour has passed and you're still stuck in the same spot with a car that won't turn on. Your throat begins to feel clogged up and you think you might cry, yet your tear ducts remain sealed shut and your eyes feel like they're dried out. You can do nothing about the frustration bubbling up. Hopelessness threatens to make its presence known, but you swallow it down every time you think it's about to overcome you.

A rapid knocking on your window jolts you upright just as you're about to attempt another call. Rainwater pours down your window in bucketloads so the figure outside is completely blurred from your view. You can't even make out their facial features. You hesitate to entertain whoever was on the outside because what if you were about to get robbed? In the rain? Defenseless with no way to escape? You check that your doors are locked.

The knocking comes again, more hurried this time, followed by a muffled voice shouting over the rain from the other side. "Hey! You okay in there?"

You don't respond, silently praying that the man goes away. He's probably drenched from head to toe by now.

"You still alive? Need any help?"

You roll down the window a few inches without thinking. "I don't need your help!"

"You sure? You've been out here an hour!" His voice is much clearer this time. "Why don't you come inside my shop for a bit? It can't be warm at all in there!"

You don't respond, closing the window up again.

The man must have expected you to come out after that, but you don't. You ignore him until finally, the blob on the outside of your window shakes its head, turns around, runs back where it came from, but not before throwing out a "Think about it!" presumably directed at you.

Another thirty minutes later, the rain still shows no sign of stopping. Your body is stiff from sitting in the same position all this time, and you've started to shiver from the cold. You'd been thinking about the man's offer. The more you think about it, the more you're considering taking it up, and when you hear rumbling in the sky, you do.

You grab your phone, wallet, and keys, and you scramble out of your car, through the rain, and into a building labeled S.S Motors.

A man that resembled the distorted blob through your window rushes towards you as soon as you enter with a towel in hand, pulling a chair along for your use. You nod to him in thanks, and he disappears in the back again after.

In his absence, you use the soft towel to dry your hair and pat down your wet clothes as much as you can, though not much became of that as you looked as if you went for a swim fully-dressed.

When the man comes back, he's carrying a stack of dry clothes in his hands, almost sheepishly offering them to you. "Here. You look like you might need these." You're weary of accepting clothes from a stranger. It must have shown on your face, for he rolled his eyes and gestured to you shaking from the cold. "Don't worry, these came straight out of the dryer, and I think you'll feel much better in them. Don't wanna catch a cold now do you?"

You huff before accepting the clothes.

"Bathroom's behind the counter."

He was right when he said you'd feel better wearing a fresh pair of clothes, even if they were a stranger's hoodie and sweats. Plus, the lingering heat from the dryer made them extra comfy. You attempted to tame your appearance as best as you could, especially your hair. You pulled the hoodie's sleeves over your palms before walking back out.

A scoff is the first thing you're greeted with. "You're still wearing those?" He looked pointedly at the heels still on your feet.

"Well, what else am I supposed to wear?"

Heels were already uncomfortable to wear for an extended period of time. Wet, scrunchy heels were even worse. You didn't have an extra pair of shoes with you, so you'd endure it if you had to. There were more pressing concerns you had to think of, like figuring out a way to get home.

"I just cleaned the floor. You can walk around barefoot, it's cool." He came around the counter. "I'll go put your clothes in the dryer. You can keep your shoes over by that chair."

His shop was brightly lit with different models of motorcycles lined up around the place, but you didn't dwell on it. You knew nothing of motorcycles. What you did catch your attention, however, was the little girl who cautiously walked out from the same room the man went into when he got you the clothes you were currently wearing.

You offered her a smile and a little wave, but you instantly faltered when she ran back inside.

"Sorry... She doesn't do well with new people."

"Oh." You fiddled with the sleeves of your sweater. "Was that your sister?"

He chuckled, jumping to sit on the counter. "Nah. Nina's my daughter." That certainly took you by surprise. She couldn't have been older than four, and he looked to be about your age if you had to assume. "Had her when I was eighteen.” He cocked his head, “I was pretty reckless back then."

“Well, she’s a beautiful kid. Pretty smart not talking to strangers, too.”

He had a sort of faraway look. “That she is.”

There’s no mistaking the affection he holds for his daughter. The gentle look in his eyes of pure love, no doubt reminiscing the impact of her birth on his life stirred a pleasant feeling from within you. Your younger self would have been jealous, but now you can only smile softly, knowing that Nina was lucky to have a father that held her in such regard. "You and your wife must be proud."

He held up his left hand, showing you his naked ring finger. "Her mom's out of the picture. Was barely in it, if I'm being honest."

"Oh I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that—"

"No, it's alright. You didn't know."

An awkward silence took over. Suddenly, the room felt way too big.

He coughed into his fist. "So uh, I'm Shinichiro by the way. Sano Shinichiro." You introduced yourself in return. "Nice to meet you, I guess. So much for first impressions," he cringed, physically patting his own back and moving around to check on Nina.

The irony of it was that you thought he was going to murder you back out in the car.

Only now did you note that the sky had cleared up. It was incredibly late into the night and you internally groaned at the thought of having to deduct hours from your sleep to be able to get to work on time tomorrow, but at least it had stopped raining.

"Hey, Y/N?" You didn't notice when Shinichiro came back. "I could take a look at your car for you if you want?"

"Ah, no thank you." You were quick to refuse. "I couldn't ask that of you. You've done so much already. Don't worry I'll figure it out on my own."

He raised a brow at you, more amused than disbelieved that you'd turn him down for the second time that night. "You were stuck out there for like two whole hours. You really think it's wise to refuse my help right now?"

"One and a half," you corrected. Still, you stood your ground. "And I said I'd figure something out."

"Well, any ideas then?" You opened your mouth to say you'd try the phone once more. "Signal's still bad, so you can cross that out." You pursed your lips, your earlier frustration crawling back in with every word the guy spoke, but he only grinned at you. "I literally own a motorcycle shop. I know engines."

"Motorcycle engines. Engines for motorcycles."

"Very impressive verbal forensic work, Y/N. Really, I applaud you."

You cross your arms. "I don't like your tone."

You're already tired from all the events that have transpired thus far, and the longest bout of social interaction you've had outside of work had to be with him? You aren't fond of the sarcasm lacing his naturally raspy voice. You weren't friends. There's a time and place to appropriately use sarcasm, and this wasn't it.

Shinichiro sighed, hopping off the countertop. "Just let me take a look. You never know, I could pull a thing or two, and you'll be able to get out of here in no time."

Lucky for you, the guy did know engines—car engines. It took a few minutes of him tinkering at the hood of your car and you enduring his smugness, which he didn’t bother hiding much to your dismay, before you were finally able to start your car. The rumbling of your vehicle did wonders to comfort you.

You wanted to pay Shinichiro for his service, but he only brushed you off. “Free of charge, only for you,” he had said with that idiotic smirk of his. And when you insisted, he said, “Why would I charge the beautiful damsel currently wearing my clothes?” The smug bastard.

At that, you straightened up and drove off. Glancing at the rearview mirror, he waved at you, only going back inside his shop once a significant distance separated you both. The next day, you made sure to have someone drop by on your behalf to leave a sealed envelope containing your token of thanks.

You didn't know if he was doing it on purpose or if he was just annoying by nature, but you started seeing him everywhere. You occasionally saw him at your favorite coffee shop, along the sidewalk on your way home, and sometimes you'd even run into him in the most random places you'd never expect to see him at.

It was only when you spotted him walking out of a school with his daughter in hand that you realized that the reason you kept running into each other was because Nina studied at the institution near your workplace.

At first, you paid him no mind, but you were never fully able to avoid him. Every single time, without fail, he'd smile at you so big that his skin would crinkle by his eyes. At times, he'd even throw in some witty remark about how you're following him around. (If anything, you're sure it was the other way around.) He'd even bring up the car incident from not too long ago just to poke fun.

It was almost impossible to ignore Shinichiro, but over time, your days grew to become incomplete without seeing him and hearing what stupid things he has to say to you at least once.

Passing remarks slowly turned into him inviting you to join him and Nina to walks in the park because 'you could use some fresh air' or trips to the nearby ice cream parlor because 'you seem like you need replenishing,' but you always dismissed him because 'I'm busy. Maybe another time.'

Your workload had only gotten heavier the more you proved yourself to be the competent employee that you were, and you took it as a recognition of your talents. You worked even harder. You set more time aside to dedicate to late nights on your desk with an open laptop. Your restlessness was beginning to get to you the more you neglected to cater to your body's nutritional needs, often relying on takeout to fill your empty stomach and sleeping less than the average prescribed hours.

You thought you hid it well in the way you carried yourself in public and tamed all your visible signs of tirelessness, yet the first day Shinichiro handed you a packed lunch with a sticky note with his number and a 'you need to take care of yourself better' on it, you had panicked thinking that your exhaustion was so obvious that all your employees could see through you as well. You texted him then, laying out your concerns on your outward appearance, but he reassured you that you looked 'the same amount of gorgeous every day, maybe even getting more beautiful as the days went'—his words, not yours.

You scolded him then (as best as you could through text) and demanded to be taken seriously.

In his defense, he was quick to comply, telling you he was only able to notice because he knew the signs of overworking himself, but not without including a flirty remark about how he likes to pay attention to you, which you ignored.

After that, it became the norm for Shinichiro to drop by and hand you a homemade meal or something he picked up from the store every once in a while, texting you reminders not unlike the first one he gave you and not without an ounce of flirty undertones. To his delight, you somehow started to entertain and reciprocate them somewhere along the way, and four whole years later, you couldn't be happier to have met him and accepted him the day he confessed to you.

That same day was one he recounted in a long speech, knelt down in front of you with an engagement ring.

Throughout the entire span of your relationship, from start to present, he had been nothing short of perfect. He saw you as you were and still adored you anyway. He appreciated you, made you feel the sense of belongingness that you never fully realized was ever missing in your heart.

He knew you hated the public eye, so instead, he had a private romantic dinner set up in his home. He had the lights dimmed, a couple of candles lit, your favourite dishes, and a large bouquet of roses. He had been the perfect gentleman, pulling your chair back for you to sit and serving you like royalty. He made sure you knew he put a lot of thought, a lot of effort into the occasion he brought upon you, and he made sure to directly tell you that you deserved every ounce of love he poured into your heart whenever you began feeling overwhelmed.

No one had ever managed to make you feel so loved before. There were big, fat tears in your eyes threatening to fall when he ultimately ended his lengthy, emotional whirlwind of a speech with the question: Will you make me the happiest man in the whole universe and marry me?

But you said no.

Shinichiro respected your decision because of course he would, but he wasn't willing to let go of you so easily and to be honest, neither were you. He was willing to wait for you, however long you needed until you were ready to wear the ring that symbolized the depth of his love for you.

You'd forever be grateful for his understanding nature.

You almost regretted it as soon as you declined his proposal. Seeing the downcast, anguished defeat flash in his eyes that he tried to conceal with a poor attempt of a smile was a sight you hated and wished to never see again. You never wanted to be the cause of his pain.

You did your best to provide him comfort that night. It hurt that he just let you hold him thinking it was the last time he'd ever see you again, but in a way, you're glad he even allowed you to touch him at all—even more so when he listened to you and agreed that you both weren't ready to take the next big step.

You just couldn't be wed to a man whose daughter wanted nothing to do with her.

You told him it wouldn't be a "no" forever. It was more of a "not yet" until you improve your relationship with his daughter. But still, the impact of a marriage proposal rejection remained heavy.

But you had to give him props for his unrelenting persistence. In his mind, just because you weren't ready now didn't mean that there wasn't a chance that you would be in the future. Every once in a while, he'd pop the question again—more casually this time. And he took each rejection, every 'not now' with a soft shake of your head, as an opportunity to try again. He wouldn't stop trying until you either said "Yes" or rejected him with a definitive "No." Should you choose to respond with the latter, he'd be entirely crushed, but he'd respect your decision regardless. After all, you were doing it out of concern for his daughter.

Your relationship with Shinichiro was never just between the two of you from the get-go because Nina is, was, and always will be a part of his life. If you ever did marry him, she would be a permanent part of yours.

Personally, you tried to be for her what your mother never was for you. You tried to provide for her as a mother figure, but it seemed that she never accepted anything you did. If anything, she antagonized you, and it hurt you more than anything in the world.

No amount of stress from work could compare to the distress you experienced whenever Nina rejected another one of your attempts to prove yourself to her. For the second time in your life, you were begging to be recognized by someone who it seemed you could never do enough to please.

In the beginning, she would ignore you whenever you visited, whenever you spoke. “Hi, Nina.” She’d look the other way. “How was school today, Nina?” She’d enter a different room. “Are you hungry?” She’d pretend not to hear you. “You need to eat your dinner, Nina.” She’d walk away and act like her stomach wasn’t rumbling.

She grew used to your presence after your one year anniversary with Shinichiro, but things only worsened from there.

You’d receive a nasty glare upon entering a room she’s already in, only for her to slam herself shut in her bedroom. You’d feel small when she starts answering back at you for trying to get her to open up. You’d be faced with tantrums when you try serving her during mealtimes and she’s forced to breathe the same air as you. Sometimes when she’s feeling particularly sour, you’d have to deal with the aftermath of her attempts to sabotage you. You’d find your laptop keyboard soaked in the sticky remnants of juice, the contents of your purse stuck in the crevices of the living room sofa, gum in your hair…

Yet you accepted it all without protest. How could you complain? You weren’t her mother, she wasn’t obligated to like you.

If Shinichiro reprimanded her for her actions, that’s a matter between father and daughter. You had no right to step in like it was your business. You’re reduced to hope that one day, maybe she’ll finally warm up to you.

But that hope was slowly diminishing.

And it terrified you when, one day, Shinichiro came up to you to ask if he could leave Nina in your care while away for business purposes. Something about Mikey and Draken requesting for his assistance in their own bike shop in Manila.

"You're leaving me with that witch?" she had complained to her dad at the airport just before he left. She was so unwilling to let him go even just for a week, which made the idea of marriage into the Sano family all the more discouraging, yet you tried to be understanding nonetheless as it would be the first time in her eight years of life bring away from her dad for more than a day. Not to mention, it would be the longest time she’d be spending in your care. Shinichiro glanced at you apologetically, worry drawing his eyebrows close, but you merely gave him a tight smile. It would be alright. (You hoped.) "But she hates me! Don't leave me with her!"

"Hey, hey, what are you talking about, angel? She doesn't hate you." He bent down to hold her properly, consoling her in hushed whispers.

It felt as though you were nothing but an intruder once again, so instead, you distracted yourself by getting the last of Shinichiro's luggage from the trunk of your car. You made sure to take your time so they could have a proper farewell.

You couldn't help but think what it was that you did that made her hate you and most importantly, what made her think you hated her, because as far as you knew, you were giving nothing less than your absolute one hundred percent in trying to form an emotional connection with her. To understand her, to provide for her, to be there for her. But all she's done is push you away, and you're constantly at a loss as to why.

Were you not caring enough? Were you not sensitive enough to her needs? Were you too suffocating as an outsider? Did you come off too strong or did you not try hard enough?

The cloud of doubt over your head took you back to your youth. For a moment, you weren't the adult version of yourself that moved to Tokyo, became successful in business, and almost got engaged. In that moment, you were once again that little girl who could never be enough. You were that insecure child who never stood up to herself and grew accustomed to being walked over, forgotten in the dark by her own flesh blood because she could never be what they saw in others. You were the little girl who only saw her flaws and everything she didn't have.

The slam of a car door brought you back to reality. Nina had retreated to the backseat of your car. You sighed, closing the trunk.

"You're not gonna cry too are you?" Shinichiro teased, taking his luggage from you. "It's flattering you'd miss me that much, really, but I don't think I could handle both of you crying, no?"

"Ha-ha..." you rolled your eyes as he pulled you in with one arm for a hug, burying his nose in your hair. "If anything, I expected you to cry." You relax against his body, melting at his touch. “But I will miss you. Even if you are pretty damn annoying.”

“Pretty what?”

You could practically make out the grin on his face through the tone of his voice alone. “I said you’re pretty annoying.”

“Mm… all I hear is you calling me pretty, my love.”

“I said no such thing.”

“Okay.” He kissed the top of your head. “But do you think I’m pretty?” You nod. “Ah, but you’re prettier.”

“Like I said. Annoying.”

He laughed, bringing his other arm around to engulf you completely.

Shinichiro's hugs gave you a sense of safety. There's no place more comforting than with his body wrapped around yours. You'd give anything for the moment to last longer, but one glance at your watch and you were forced to push him away so he could catch his flight on time.

"You'll be fine," he declared, setting both palms on your shoulders. When you looked away, he brought up a hand to nudge your chin up. "I'm serious. Think of this as an opportunity to bond with Nina. You never know, maybe she'll finally warm up to you."

You looked at her through the window and there she was, sporting a grumpy pout, sitting with her arms crossed, and stubbornly swiping at stray tears. "Yeah, I doubt that," you huff. The defeat weighing itself onto you already, but you straighten up just as fast as it comes. You straighten his shirt—a habit you picked up through the years—and finish with a pat on his chest. "Anyway, you gotta go like now or you'll miss your flight."

"Alright, alright..." he took a few steps back. But it was a feigned surrender as he quickly sneaked up on you again, stealing an exaggerated smooch complete with a smack of his lips and a mutter of "Last kiss."

He smiled when you laughed at his antics, cupping your face again to kiss you properly this time. "You got this, Y/N. I believe in you." He pecked your forehead before he rummaged through his pockets. "And maybe... when I get back..." He lifted your palm, pressing a kiss to it before the ring he had used to propose to you multiple times with was delicately placed in the middle of it. "Maybe you'll finally be ready to wear this. If I have hope, you should too."

You'd been so lost in your thoughts that you almost forgot who your efforts were all dedicated for. The one who had more faith in you than you did. You really were gonna miss him, even if you would only be apart for a week. You wondered what your life was like without him, already having long forgotten what it was like to be entirely by yourself.

He kissed you one last time, and you watched him retreat past the automatic doors of the airport, waving goodbye a final time before getting into your car. And so began the long week ahead of you.

Getting her settled into your apartment that night was by far the easiest thing you had to handle. She headed straight to your guest bedroom, and you left a plate of food outside the door. Thankfully, you came back a few hours later to find the dish empty. She must have been really tired.

The next day, you made sure to get up earlier than usual to go through your morning routine and start breakfast before waking Nina up for school. You were feeling pretty good about the first night not involving anything brash, and your good mood carried on as you pranced around the kitchen frying eggs and bacon in a pan. You know Shinichiro likes listening to music in the morning, so you made sure to put on his favorite radio station.

You were about to knock on the guest bedroom door when it was harshly swung open. “Good morning, Nina!” You tried, but like always, your attempt was soiled as she stomped past you, still in her pajamas, and into the kitchen. “I know your dad makes you bacon and eggs every morning so I—“ she jerked your pantry open, pulling out a box of cereal and opening a new carton of milk.

Nina scoffs. “You didn’t even put the milk in the fridge?” A rhetorical question, judging from her tone. To be fair you really should have just put it in the fridge when you bought it, but you’ve been so busy with work that you hardly had the time to even restock around the kitchen. Still, the eight-year-old had a point. It took a minute, even less, to just open your fridge and pop it in. You had nothing to say.

She took her bowl of cereal to the sofa in your living room, turning up the volume of your TV that the radio you’d left on could no longer be heard and leaving you alone on your kitchen counter. You figured it was in your best interests to just let her do her thing and sulk over the extra breakfast food you’d prepared for her while you had your own meal. If she didn’t want to eat it, maybe your coworkers would appreciate the treat then.

As soon as she finished, she tossed her used bowl and spoon into the sink with a loud clang, making her way back to her room to dress.

You sighed, putting the dishes away properly and tidying up the state of your living room sofa. There was a stain on one of the cushions from spilled milk, you noted. You’d have to scrub it off later.

You gathered your things and grabbed your keys by the front door. “Time to go, Nina!” Upon hearing no response, you waited a while but then noticed that if you didn’t get going soon, both of you would be late. You called out for her again, but still, nothing.

You approached the door to her room and knocked softly. “Hey, you okay in there? Nina—“

“Fine, I’m here!” She seemed troubled, frustrated even as she opened the door. Her hair was messed up more than it was earlier, and you realized that Shinichiro usually fixes her hair before she went off to school. She must have been struggling, trying to get it done herself. You tried offering your assistance, but you were once again cut off with a sharp ��No.”

The glare she gave was menacing. It managed to tell you so many things without having her say it herself. You’re not dad. I don’t like you. I don’t know what my dad even sees in you. Don’t come near me. Don’t touch me. It stung more than it should, it really did. The weight of each message processing through her stare pressed down on your chest, but you prayed your weakness didn’t peek through your demeanor. You took all your pain, your distress, and washed it down in one big exhale—a technique you find that you’ve gotten more and more accustomed to. You clutched the keys in your hand. “Alright. Let’s go.”

She was quiet for most of the ride, only staring either at the road ahead or out the window. In a way, you’re grateful that she isn’t finding any more things to berate you for. You were even nervous to try turning on the radio, afraid it wouldn’t be to her liking, but the silence was so tense, so ominous that your mind was getting more discombobulated by the minute.

“I didn’t have time to prepare a bento for you, I’m sorry.” You glanced sideways at her. You know she can hear you, but you doubt she’s actually listening to a word you say. Pulling out a few bills from your purse, you hand it to her. “Here you go—for your lunch. There’s a little extra in there too, in case you get hungry for snacks.”

She was barreling out the door the minute you pulled up in front of her elementary school. “I’ll pick you up at three!” you hope she heard you.

Unfortunately for Nina, you couldn't take her straight home after school. You’d have to take her back to the office until work hours were officially over. You’d go home on time for the rest of the week though, as you promised yourself you wouldn’t work overtime for Nina’s sake.

You were taken aback when, after a few minutes standing out your car to wait for her, Nina trudged out of the building alone, grabbed your wrist, and dragged you behind her towards your car, keeping her head down all the while. “Whoa, what’s going on?”

“Shut up Y/N, let’s just go. Please.”

She sounded so desperate to leave, it gave you the impression that something might have happened in school today. You set a reminder in your head to try bringing it up later on. You could see that, right now, she just needed to get off of school grounds.

“Nina, hold on!” Nina froze for a millisecond, tugging harder on your wrist only to ultimately be stopped by who you assumed was her teacher. “Hey,” she chuckled. “What’s the rush?” She then noticed you, greeting you with a warm smile and a curt bow. “I’m Ms. Nishimura, Nina’s homeroom teacher. You must be Mrs. Sano?”

“I—“

Nina yanked herself away from you. She curled in on herself, mumbling, “She’s… not my mom.”

Ms. Nishimura immediately backtracked, apologizing for her mistake, but you reassured her that it was okay. You gave Nina your car keys, motioning for her to go wait in the car. She briskly complied without argument.

She looked too uncomfortable standing out there with you and her teacher, but she obviously had something she needed to talk about so you had to stay to entertain it in Shinichiro’s place. You quickly explained to her teacher about your situation—your place in Sanos’ life, who you were to Nina, that she was in your care for the week (though you obviously left out the details about your strained relationship with her indoors).

“So, is Nina doing okay in school? Is there anything I should be concerned about?”

“About that,” Ms. Nishimura pushed up her glasses. “Nina’s a good student—nothing to worry about there. But, there’s a parent-teacher conference coming up this Thursday. Just a sort of annual event with the parents to talk to them about the curriculum, let them know how their child’s doing, etcetera… and I was just a little concerned since Mr. Sano hasn’t gotten back to us with regards to confirming his attendance. I’ve been trying to get Nina to follow him up on the school’s invitation, but you said earlier that he’s out of town so...”

“I see.” You glanced at Nina for a second, catching her fiddling with her fingers and staring at her lap. This must have put her in an awkward spot with her teacher who didn’t know about situation until you explained it. You tried to recall your schedule for this Thursday, scanning through the things you had allotted that day for before saying, “I’ll go. I can attend the parent-teacher thing in Shinichiro’s place.”

This evidently relieved Ms. Nishimura of the pressure on her shoulders. “Oh, thank god! That was the last response we needed from Nina’s grade, so thank you. I look forward to seeing you on Thursday then Ms. Y/L/N!”

Every day after school, Nina would stay in your office, completing homework and sometimes wandering around to relieve herself from boredom. Your coworkers loved her presence, judging from the way everyone would be all-smiles when greeting her in the hallways. Nina would also be included whenever someone decided to bring everyone a treat—which became a more common occurrence throughout the week that she was there. Because of this, you didn’t need to worry about her so much as you bustled around the building fulfilling your duties, knowing that Nina’s a smart kid and that your coworkers would keep an eye on her for you when you couldn’t.

She wasn’t too hard on you either during office hours. You’re sure it had something to do with being in a foreign environment where adults ran to and fro, but as the days passed and the more she adjusted to the new setting, her complaints grew. She’d complain when she was hungry, when she was bored, when she was longing to go home—all understandable on her part. One thing you were thankful for was that she never threw tantrums in front of your coworkers, choosing to let out her distress within the privacy of your office. Sure, you had to find a way to quiet her whines and sometimes deal with her grumbles, but you had faith in yourself that you’d find a way whenever the occasion arrived.

“Y/N. I wanna go home!” She stood before your desk where you were typing away on a keyboard. She was already carrying all her things, prepared to take off at any minute and fully expecting you to do the same.

You glanced at the time at the corner of your screen. “Just a few more minutes, baby.”

“Don’t call me that! And I wanna go home now!”

You sighed, rubbing your temples. Then your phone began to ring.

One look at the name flashing onscreen and you slid the device over to Nina. "It's your dad."

She lit up so fast at that, grabbing your phone and happily chatting away with him.

Thursday came faster than you could blink.

You managed to clear your schedule for the rest of the day after 3 PM, and after agreeing with yourself that you wouldn't pick up any work-related calls past that hour, you found yourself being toured around Nina's elementary school campus and chatting with her teachers about her academic performance.

It filled you with pride knowing that she was excelling in her subjects. You took mental notes of each remark her teachers said about her, determined to fill Shinichiro in about it tonight over video call. If you were already swelling with pride, just imagine the look on his face once he hears about his little girl's teachers' impressions and comments of praise.

The conference went by pretty smoothly until you were pulled aside towards the end of it by the same homeroom teacher you'd met the other day.

Ms. Nishimura lead you to a bench outside so that you could have a more private chat. She prefaced whatever she needed to say with a greeting, happy to see you again, and then she went into the only detail of concern she'd picked up from seeing Nina every day. "I noticed that she doesn't really get along with the other kids. I know that she has a few friends, but she doesn't really have a group that she normally goes along with, if you get what I mean?" You nodded. "I'm just worried since it's her second year of elementary school, you know? I don't think it's best for her to be spending her school life without friends..."

It's also something you'd noticed within the short span of time it took to drop her off and pick her up. She would always be walking alone, head turned down to watch her feet move as she walked. It did concern you a bit, but hearing it from her teacher this time made you frown all the more.

"Maybe if—"

"Go away!"

"No one wants to be your friend because your mom left you!"

"You must have done something really bad for that to happen!"

You and Ms. Nishimura were alarmed to hear something like that come from what sounded like a child's mouth. Immediately, you both followed the source of the ruckus just behind the school's main building. You made it just in time to see some kid pushing Nina onto the rough ground.

"Hey!" You shouted at the bullies. Ms. Nishimura took on the responsibility of scolding the students and calling their parents who were still inside the school.

Rushing over to Nina's side, you tried to check her for injuries, catching sight of a red mark on her cheekbone before she jerked her head away from you, hanging her head in shame yet unwilling to let her guard down. "Get away from me!" She stood up on wobbly legs, pushing you away when you tried to assist her.

You gave her your car keys. "Here. You can wait for me in the car. At least let me handle this, okay?"

She wordlessly took it from your hand, and you took note of the little scrapes on her palms. You put on the face you used during business deals, fully determined to have a solid talk with those other kids' parents.

Once you got back to your apartment, you went straight to finding an ice pack and your first aid kit. Opening the door to Nina's room, you found her sitting at the edge of her bed staring into space. You knelt down beside her, bringing up the ice pack to her cheekbone, but she flinched from your touch. "Leave me alone."

"I'm just trying to help you, Nina."

"I said leave me alone! I don't want your help!" She hid under the covers, curling up into a ball.

You sighed. "About what that kid was saying earlier, it's not your fault you know?"

You could barely hear her muffled words but there was one phrase you caught clearly: Stop pretending like you care... and she sounded like she was holding back tears.

"Stop pretending... like I care? Nina, I— What are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know!"

"But I really don't! If you would just help me understand—"

"Just stop!"

"I—"

"No! You're not my mom, so stop acting like you care about me and dad. You're just going to leave us the same way she did! I know dad keeps asking you to marry him, so just go already if you're going to keep saying no to him!"

She was full-on sobbing at this point, tears running down her cheeks in waterfalls and snot dribbling down her nose. You knew from the get-go that she had a lot on her plate even as a mere eight-year-old, but what you didn’t know was that she carried the weight of her troubles on her shoulders. You realize now that you failed to see how she was just like you. Afraid.

Afraid that everyone would be the same.

It all made sense now, looking back:

You’d receive a nasty glare upon entering a room she’s already in, only for her to slam herself shut in her bedroom. You’d feel small when she starts answering back at you for trying to get her to open up. You’d be faced with tantrums when you try serving her during mealtimes and she’s forced to breathe the same air as you. Sometimes when she’s feeling particularly sour, you’d have to deal with the aftermath of her attempts to sabotage you. You’d find your laptop keyboard soaked in the sticky remnants of juice, the contents of your purse stuck in the crevices of the living room sofa, gum in your hair…

All because she wanted to push you away. She was scared of letting you into their lives only for you to leave and never come back, so instead she tried to speed up the process to save both herself and her dad from the pain of having you walk out—that was what she wanted to do, you understood that now. "You think I'm gonna leave... Is that why you hate me so much?" You set down the ice pack on the bedside table.

"Huh?” She hiccuped, rubbing at her wet eyes. “I don't hate you..."

How ironic. “Well, I thought you did,” you chuckled, kneeling down by the bed where she sat. You spoke in soft tones. "I haven't said yes to your dad because I didn't want to force myself into your life like that.” And it was true. It would have been greatly unfair to have her be the one to adjust when you would be the new person in their family. You reached out a hand, testing the waters to see if she would move away from you again. You fully expected that she would but…

She didn’t.

Not having her avoid you like you had the plague for the first time in the four years you've known her was a feeling you don’t think you’d ever forget from here on out. Your first success. The first time your relationship with Nina didn’t seem like a hopeless case. The overwhelming feeling of finally having taken a step—a big step, it felt like—in the right direction with her was enough to bring tears up to your eyes. You gently cupped her face, and upon feeling the weight of her head in your palm, you smiled. “I couldn't do that to you."

She tried to speak through her hiccups and sniffles, but you hushed her.

"If you'll let me, I don't plan to leave you or your dad—both of you.” She gripped the sheets so hard, her knuckles were turning white. You were slightly nervous that she’d lash out, but you held onto the moment you two were currently sharing, making the most of it as much as you can so that while you were able to see where she was coming from, she would hopefully also see you. “In a way, you're kind of right, you know? I'm not like your biological mom because unlike her, I'm not going anywhere."

And at that, Nina launched herself against your body, wrapping her smaller arms tightly around your body. You embraced her just as tightly—maybe even more. You tried soothing her as she cried harder, rubbing your hand up and down her back and combing your fingers through her hair. At one point, you kissed her head, and she gripped onto you even tighter.

That night, she refused to let go of you and you slept with her in the guest bedroom, only being able to convince her that you both had to get cleaned up before she attached herself onto you again. She clung onto you the entire night, never once daring to let go. "Can I not go to school tomorrow?" she had meekly asked you before she fell asleep.

You kissed her hair. "I'll take the day off, too. We can spend the entire day at home if you want." She nodded. She deserved to rest after all that happened today, and who knows for how long she's been experiencing that from her classmates without anyone knowing.

The next day, she woke up before you did, shyly asking if she could help you cook bacon and eggs the way she and her dad did every morning. When you agreed, she built up her confidence little by little. She demonstrated how her dad would let her be the one to crack the eggs into the pan, imitating his exaggerated exclaims of oh no! every time a shell fell into the mixture. She had you turn on the radio and told you which songs were their favorite ones to sing along to, even dancing around a little bit. She showed you her favorite TV shows, she introduced you to the stuffed toy she brought with her to your apartment, she told you embarrassing stories about Shinichiro...

And to meet her halfway, you showed her some things you liked to do as well. You both lounged in your pajamas and robes (you let her borrow one of your old, nice ones), told her the stories behind the photos of you and her father on your phone, ordered food from restaurants you knew that she would enjoy.

It was the first day in so long that you felt that you could completely relax, and from what you could tell, it was the same for her. You've never seen her smile so big or laugh so hard before.

That night, while you were doing your skincare routine, you had her try out some of your favourite products. You both giggled at each other's bubbly faces while you applied your cleanser, and she was fascinated by the array of face masks you presented her with.

You had her lay in your lap as you massaged the serum of one of the sheet masks into her face. "Are you gonna marry my dad now?" She had her eyes closed, out of relaxation or fear for your answer—you didn't know.

But you smiled, remembering the ring that Shinichiro left you with because your final answer would be nothing less than, "Yes."

You gently guided her off your lap before you stood up to go fetch the engagement ring.

"Y/N?"

You recalled what Shinichiro told you that day at the airport.

"Maybe... when I get back..." He lifted your palm, pressing a kiss to it before the ring he had used to propose to you multiple times with was delicately placed in the middle of it. "Maybe you'll finally be ready to wear this."

You were sure now. You're ready. When you came back into the room with Nina, she watched you slip the ring onto your finger with such wonder. You had to talk her into keeping it a surprise for her dad, though.

And though he didn't cry before he left, there were tears that escaped him when he came back, seeing both you and his daughter in such a new light and—what's more—spotting the twinkling of the engagement ring he left you with sitting comfortably on your ring finger and finally ready to take the next step.

all rights reserved © smolla-than-a-bug, 2021. please do not copy or repost my works. reblogs/feedback/comments are appreciated!

notes — extra: wfm!shin as a dad hcs !

tokyo revengers taglist — @victoirerambles

[littlemixnet]

To me, a good ally is someone who is consistent in their efforts – there’s a difference between popping on a pride playlist or sprinkling yourself in rainbow glitter once a year and actually defending LGBT+ people against discrimination. It means showing my LGBT+ fans that I support them wholeheartedly and am making a conscious effort to educate myself, raise awareness and show up whenever they need me to. It would be wrong of me to benefit from the community as a musician without actually standing up and doing what I can to support. As someone in the public eye, it’s important to make sure your efforts are not performative or opportunistic. I’m always working on my allyship and am very much aware that I’ve still got a lot of unlearning and learning to do. There are too many what I call ‘dormant allies’, believing in equality but not really doing more than liking or reposting your LGBT+ mate’s content now and again. Imagine if that friend then saw you at the next march, or signing your name on the next petition fighting for their rights? Being an ally is also about making a conscious effort to use the right language and pronouns, and I recently read a book by Glennon Doyle who spoke of her annoyance and disappointment of those who come out and are met with ‘We love you…no matter what’. I’d never thought of that expression like that before and it really struck a chord with me. ‘No matter what’ suggests you are flawed. Being LGBT+ is not a flaw. Altering your language and being conscious of creating a more comfortable environment for your LGBT+ family and friends is a good start. Nobody is expecting you to suddenly know it all, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a perfect ally. I’m still very much learning. Even recently, after our Confetti music video I was confronted with the fact that although we made sure our video was incredibly inclusive, we hadn’t brought in any actual drag kings. Some were frustrated, and they had every right to be. You can have the right intentions and still fall short. As an open ally I should have thought about that, and I hadn’t, and for that I apologise. Since then I’ve been doing more research on drag king culture, because it’s definitely something I didn’t know enough about, whether that was because it isn’t as mainstream yet mixed with my own ignorance. But the point is we mess up, we apologise, we learn from it and we move forward with that knowledge. Don’t let the fear of f**king up scare you off. And make sure you are speaking alongside the community, not for the community. Growing up in a small Northern working-class town, some views were, and probably still are, quite ‘old fashioned’ and small-minded. I witnessed homophobia at an early age. It was a common thought particularly among men that it was wrong to be anything but heterosexual. I knew very early on I didn’t agree with this, but wasn’t educated or aware enough on how to combat it. I did a lot of performing arts growing up and within that space I had many LGBT+ (mainly gay) friends. I’ve been a beard many a time let me tell you! But it was infuriating to see friends not feel like they could truly be themselves. When I moved to London I felt incredibly lonely and like I didn’t fit in. It was my gay friends (mainly my friend and hairstylist, Aaron Carlo) who took me under their wing and into their world. Walking into those gay bars or events like Sink The Pink, it was probably the first time I felt like I was in a space where everyone in that room was celebrated exactly as they are. It was like walking into a magical wonderland. I got it. I clicked with everyone. My whole life I struggled with identity – being mixed race for me meant not feeling white enough, or black enough, or Arab enough. I was a ‘tomboy’ and very nerdy. I suppose on a personal level that maybe played a part in why I felt such a connection or understanding of why those spaces for the LGBT+ community are so important. One of the most obvious examples of first realising Little Mix was having an effect in the community was that I couldn’t enter a gay bar without hearing a Little Mix song and watching numerous people break out into full choreo from our videos! I spent the first few years of our career seeing this unfold and knowing the LGBT+ fan base were there, but it wasn’t until I got my own Instagram or started properly going through Twitter DMs that I realised a lot of our LGBT+ fans were reaching out to us on a daily basis saying how much our music meant to them. I received a message from a boy in the Middle East who hadn’t come out because in his country homosexuality is illegal. His partner tragically took their own life and he said our music not only helped him get through it, but gave him the courage to start a new life somewhere else where he could be out and proud. There are countless other stories like theirs, which kind of kickstarted me into being a better ally. Another standout moment would be when we performed in Dubai in 2019. We were told numerous times to ‘abide by the rules’, which meant not promoting anything LGBT+ or too female-empowering (cut to us serving a four-part harmony to Salute). In my mind, we either didn’t go or we’d go and make a point. When Secret Love Song came on, we performed it with the LGBT+ flag taking up the whole screen behind us. The crowd went wild, I could see fans crying and singing along in the audience and when we returned it was everywhere in the press. I saw so many positive tweets and messages from the community. It made laying in our hotel rooms s**tting ourselves that we’d get arrested that night more than worth it. It was through our fans and through my friends I realised I need to be doing more in my allyship. One of the first steps in this was meeting with the team at Stonewall to help with my ally education and discussing how I could be using my platform to help them and in turn the community. Right now, and during lockdown, I’d say my ally journey has been a lot of reading on LGBT+ history, donating to the right charities and raising awareness on current issues such as the conversion therapy ban and the fight for equality of trans lives. Stonewall is facing media attacks for its trans-inclusive strategies and there is an alarming amount of seemingly increasing transphobia in the UK today and we need to be doing more to stand with the trans community. Still, there is definitely a pressure I feel as someone in the public eye to constantly be saying and doing the right things, especially with cancel culture becoming more popular. I s**t myself before most interviews now, on edge that the interviewer might be waiting for me to ‘slip up’ or I might say something that can be misconstrued. Sometimes what can be well understood talking to a journalist or a friend doesn’t always translate as well written down, which has definitely happened to me before. There’ve been moments where I’ve (though well intentioned) said the wrong thing and had an army of Twitter warriors come at me. Don’t get me wrong, there are obviously more serious levels of f**king up that are worthy of a cancelling. But it was quite daunting to me to think that all of my previous allyship could be forgotten for not getting something right once. When that’s happened to me before I’ve scared myself into thinking I should STFU and not say anything, but I have to remember that I am human, I’m going to f**k up now and again and as long as I’m continuing to educate myself to do better next time then that’s OK. I’m never going to stop being an ally so I need to accept that there’ll be trickier moments along the way. I think that might be how some people may feel, like they’re scared to speak up as an ally in case they say the wrong thing and face backlash. Just apologise to the people who need to be apologised to, and show that you’re doing what you can to do better and continue the good fight. Don’t burden the community with your guilt. When it comes to the music industry, I’m definitely seeing a lot more LGBT+ artists come through and thrive, which is amazing. Labels, managements, distributors and so forth need to make sure they’re not just benefiting from LGBT+ artists but show they’re doing more to actually stand with them and create environments where those artists and their fans feel safe. A lot of feedback I see from the community when coming to our shows is that they’re in a space where they feel completely free and accepted, which I love. I get offered so many opportunities to do with LGBT+ based shows or deals and while it’s obviously flattering, I turn most of them down and suggest they give the gig to someone more worthy of that role. But really, I shouldn’t have to say that in the first place. The fee for any job I do take that feels right for me but has come in as part of the community goes to LGBT+ charities. That’s not me blowing smoke up my own arse, I just think the more of us and big companies that do that, the better. We need more artists, more visibility, more LGBT+ mainstream shows, more shows on LGBT+ history and more artists standing up as allies. We have huge platforms and such an influence on our fans – show them you’re standing by them. I’ve seen insanely talented LGBT+ artist friends in the industry who are only recently getting the credit they deserve. It’s amazing but it’s telling that it takes so long. It’s almost expected that it will be a tougher ride. We also need more understanding and action on the intersectionality between being LGBT+ and BAME. Racism exists in and out of the community and it would be great to see more and more companies in the industry doing more to combat that. The more we see these shows like Drag Race on our screens, the more we can celebrate difference. Ever since I was a little girl, my family would go to Benidorm and we’d watch these glamorous, hilarious Queens onstage; I was hooked. I grew up listening to and loving the big divas – Diana Ross (my fave), Cher, Shirley Bassey, and all the queens would emulate them. I was amazed at their big wigs, glittery overdrawn make-up and fabulous outfits. They were like big dolls. Most importantly, they were unapologetically whoever the f**k they wanted to be. As a shy girl who didn’t really understand why the world was telling me all the things I should be, I almost envied the queens but more than anything I adored them. Drag truly is an art form, and how incredible that every queen is different; there are so many different styles of drag and to me they symbolise courage and freedom of expression. Everything you envisioned your imaginary best friend to be, but it’s always been you. There’s a reason why the younger generation are loving shows like Drag Race. These kids can watch this show and not only be thoroughly entertained, but be inspired by these incredible people who are unapologetically themselves, sharing their touching stories and who create their own support systems and drag families around them. Now and again I think of when I’d see those Queens in Benidorm, and at the end they’d always sing I Am What I Am as they removed their wigs and smudged their make up off, and all the dads would be up on their feet cheering for them, some emotional, like they were proud. But that love would stop when they’d go back home, back to their conditioned life where toxic heteronormative behaviour is the status quo. Maybe if those same men saw drag culture on their screens they’d be more open to it becoming a part of their everyday life. I’ll never forget marching with Stonewall at Manchester Pride. I joined them as part of their young campaigners programme, and beforehand we sat and talked about allyship and all the young people there asked me questions while sharing some of their stories. We then began the march and I can’t explain the feeling and emotion watching these young people with so much passion, chanting and being cheered by the people they passed. All of these kids had their own personal struggles and stories but in this environment, they felt safe and completely proud to just be them. I knew the history of Pride and why we were marching, but it was something else seeing what Pride really means first hand. My advice for those who want to use their voice but aren’t sure how is, just do it hun. It’s really not a difficult task to stand up for communities that need you. Change can happen quicker with allyship.

Jade Thirlwall on the power, and pressures, of being an LGBT ally: ‘I’m gonna f**k up now and again’

[bandzboy]

Hey i wanted to ask you what songs you absolutely love from a production point of view as that’s the field you’re interested in and if any have stood out to you this year? i’m intrigued to know

hello anon! first of all thank you for asking me this it made my day... genuinely 🥲 i barely talk abt music and what i do here but since i've been stressed with choosing a school recently i've been venting abt it djfhgjd but i am glad someone is interested on my opinion on this matter ^^ i love talking abt it and sharing my thoughts on music!

idk if you asked this in a general way or more like just kpop music but i might mix both of them since i too have western music that has been gripping me in the production sense this year! i guess i'll have it divided in two categories then

kpop music!

i think i'll start by talking abt the game by pentagon genuinely.... this song has a grip on me.... that i just don't know how to explain it properly but i'll try! i only listened to this song bc the mutuals were raving abt it and i was like well then let's see wtf this is abt and man... they were right! truly the mixture of the opera vocals (jinho my beloved) and the electronic sound was very interesting! it definitely creates a vibe and a certain movie-like scenario in your head and i love when a song transports me somewhere or can connect it to something bc i genuinely think it's so cool! there's this like daunting vibe that i love! my fav part is the bridge with the voices in the background harmonizing and the 'run run run like a devil' part and then eventually it stops and you here 'this is the game' LIKE !!!! absolutely scrumptious

next it might be glitch by kwon eunbi i always revisit this song it's just so good! i love how fun this song is and how genuinely is so enjoyable to listen to! truly is such a different song compared to her debut song that was more jazz-y in a way this was is way more electronic and sometimes those electro and techno type of songs are a miss for me but i think those elements in this song worked out pretty well. one thing i absolutely love is the voice harmonizations in the "middle of the night" part and the "i go up and down left and right" part i just feel like it was a very nice thing that was added to the song that made it more memorable i honestly can't wait to see what eunbi does next

might as well talk about the whole fearless mini album by le sserafim bc i genuinely think the production was the best one i have seen so far this year! truly the whole mini album is very solid for me simply i think bc i love all the genres of music that they put in it. i loved fearless a lot but i think the bsides were really the selling point that made me want to actually stan them! my ultimate faves might be blue flame and the great mermaid but sour grapes is also a very good song! and it's very impressive how this is their debut mini album and it's this good. had to mention the mini album as a whole bc i couldn't not talk about every song in it 😭

ofc i have to talk about a seventeen song lmao but definitely don quixote really is one of my fav songs this year with no doubt even tho shadow is probably my fav bside of theirs this year, i have to recognize that the way the song is structured is so nice and it makes sense in my head it's just satisfying (i wish i could explain this better) i just love the piano especially in this song and the chorus is so damn catchy and the part "say my name (don quixote) is so good i always singing it 😭 BUT MAN MINGYU'S PART like the "my hands up i keep em high" is such a nice moment in the song and just have to sing it with him djhgjd that's how i feel! truly it just rewired something in my brain when the album came out i kept listening to this song on repeat alongside with shadow and it really just... changed me as a person. in general svt's song production is very good truly.. woozi is one of the main reasons why i wanna be in this field he is truly so talented with everything he does he really shaped svt's sound throughout the years and it's truly very inspiring i could talk abt svt discography as a whole i could go on a rant djfhgjd but i'll save that for another day 😪

and lastly for kpop songs i have to talk abt cyberpunk by ateez..... the day this mini album came out and listened to this song something shifted honestly ... this mini album shifted everything as a whole. i gotta say they are very good moments in the whole mini album but definitely for me cyberpunk was the highlight of it. the whole chorus just scratches the right part of my brain the scale used in the melody of the chorus is so nice it's probably my fav part is definitely the chorus but obviously, jongho's vocals compliment the song very well. it's impressive how they never tried to do this genre ever and somehow his voice still fit but the other members definitely had great vocal moments in this song... anyways it's very good

western music!

i have to start with entertain me by ylona garcia! truly this such a great pop song and the way i found out abt it in january of this year and it's august and i still listen to it like it's fresh and new really says a lot about how good this song was produced! i never heard of ylona and i only head abt this song bc there was this new valorant agent coming out and the trailer for the agent had this song in it 😭 so truly being obsessed with this game paid off bc i found out abt her music! it's truly so catchy and fun the chorus is the best part but i love the bridge a whole lot too ! i highly recommend it

i will talk about another ep really quick bc i have to! the whole the lead by flo is so good! i started to follow them on tiktok and then after some time they released cardboard box and it's so so good! one of the best songs i heard this year! their song is very 2000's rnb and it does feel very nostalgic and it's mostly bc they listened to a lot artists from that era or older than that growing up and they participated in the writing of their songs! also mnek was apart of the production of all of their songs so far! he is such a good producer he has produced so many good songs so i am glad that he worked with flo and i hope he keeps doing so! i should mention my fav songs from this ep are definitely immature and feature me! both very good songs i do recommend their music especially if you love rnb and old rnb it will definitely be worth the listen

i will lastly mention whatever u like by umi! this song really makes me feel like i am dreaming or something! it has a very vibey rnb sound to it and i just love the sound of it! i found about umi this year bc of this song and i am pretty sure i found this song bc i was listening my chill mix on spotify since it's mainly the type of music i listen to mainly funny enough since... most of the kpop songs i listen to are very energetic at times 😭 but i tend to always listen to rnb and acoustic music most of the time! i just think the sound of this song really makes me feel at ease it's mostly just guitar and drums but it's very perfect! i love the pre-chorus where she sings "i'm sorry i'm sorry i didn't mean to crash your pity party" the way she articulates that part is so satisfying it's also bc her voice is very dream-like and she know how to use the falsetto well so it makes this part really good in the second pre-chorus it's the same lyrics but i love how there's a background voice repeating mostly the words at the end of every verse i just think it gave a nice touch to that second part of the song! i think truly what makes this song good production-wise is really the arrangement of the vocals in it it's very vocal driven since there are not that many instruments playing as it is but truly it's very good as i said

[softpine]

hey there!! you're one of my fave story simblrs and have managed to stay pretty active so I thought I'd look here for advice, if you feel like giving it 👉👈 I'll condense myself down BUT when it comes to setting up scenes and stuff, do you find it fun to manage? and how do you go about planning shots? I know that I personally have tons of fun in cas/build, but when it comes to thinking about having to set up screenshots, it just feels really daunting to me? whether I plan it out strongly or not... so I was wondering what your thoughts on it were :o it might just be one of those things that some people love to do and that others think is a chore- but I've definitely been considering starting up a story a whole lot more recently, so I'd just like 2 hear how others creative processes goes in that regard!! have a nice day!!

hey!! 💖 first of all, regardless of anything i say, i 100% think you should start writing your story!! it’s something you won’t really know until you jump in, and there’s no harm in giving it a shot! that being said...

i love scene-building/prepping!! but it definitely comes in waves, and i have most/least favorite parts ofc. sometimes i love building, sometimes i dread it (usually that happens because i don’t know exactly what my vision is, so it helps to have references or a plan). i love setting up poses and taking screenshots, but i don’t like making poses myself (but i do it for the amount of personalization i can get from it – there’s so much stuff i wouldn’t be able to show if i didn’t know how to make poses). making poses is probably the most time-consuming part for me, but i didn’t start doing that until YEARS into my simblr “career” so don’t worry about it for now!! i generally love creating the little details that go into scene-setting, but it can get annoying if there’s a lot of stuff i need to make. it just depends on the scene honestly!!

oh and i don’t plan out my screenshots at all before i take them fjksjd i only know the “who, what, when, where, why” of every scene (“what” = any pose accessories, clothes, personalized stuff like notes/photos, etc.). but aside from that, i just wing it! i find it really, REALLY boring to plan out every aspect of like.. where my sims will be standing, or what types of angles i’ll use. it’s a lot more fun for me to just play around with things when i’m already in-game! but everyone is different; some people find it easier/faster to plan it out first so they don’t get burnt out. trial and error will probably be your best friend in the beginning! i hope this helps 💖💖

[rorykillmore]

what are your fave aspects of dark! tell me about ur hyperfixation and why it strikes such a chord

AAAAAAA okay i wanted to actually finish it before i answered this ask and i STILL sat here and stared at it for a while trying to grasp what i wanted to say about how i feel about dark

i still remember the reason i first checked it out! i was taking a tv pilot class at pittsburgh filmmakers and we were talking about pilot episodes we liked -- and this was back in 2017 when the first season had just come out, and one girl said “has anyone seen that new german show on netflix? it’s kind of like one of those ‘mysterious happenings in a small town’ shows except whatever you initially think is going on.... really, really isn’t.”  so that made me curious enough to see what she meant by that. 

and initially it did draw a lot of comparisons to stuff like stranger things and twin peaks, but i think it becomes apparent the more of it you watch that dark could not be more its own beast. it’s actually rarely derivative of american television and draws much more from german science and philosophy, and in fact hilariously if you do not have at least a passing familiarity with friedrich nietzsche you’re going to miss at least some of the reasoning behind the story’s themes kgshgdk. i LOVED season 1 when it came out and really was.... haunted by it for a while afterwards, but i haven’t watched the rest until now (season 3 came out in late june of this year, so pretty recent) because it’s such a complex and sometimes difficult to follow story that it was really motivating to be able to watch it all in one go. and i’m ultimately glad that i waited, but at the same time, MAN i was missing out because it’s really not until season 2 that you start to realize how.... hugely ambitious and impressive the show is.

but as far as specific stuff i love!!! the atmosphere, absolutely. dark is one of those shows that has a really specific mood and atmosphere, in large part credited to the brilliant cinematography and the use of it to make everything just kind of.... seep with dread, at times. i think in season 1 this was the most prominent, because that’s the point at which the audience has the least amount of understanding of what’s going on or how everything’s connected, and watching it just gives you this vague sense of terror that the characters (and even you as a viewer) are dealing with something much bigger and more daunting than they/you even understand.

i also love that dark is such an incredibly unique take on time travel as it’s typically used in fiction. so much of the western idea of fictional time travel relies on the presumption that we could change things if we wanted to with just the smallest action, and that there’s unforeseen danger in that, but dark is just kind of like.  “no, time is an absolute MONSTER, and presuming you have the agency to mess around and change things is a core failing of our linear thinking as human beings.” and that singular concept brings up so many questions and implications about like.... free will, and what that even means. and that’s just something i love in fiction in general!!! themes related to human agency and trying desperately to break cycles and realizing that we’re often the ones who create them in the first place. because you realize, as you get through the series, that it doesn’t believe in any kind of greater spiritual force like god or fate or destiny, and that what’s keeping these characters trapped is actually their own natures and desires and individual failings (this is where knowing some of the stuff nietzsche spouted about eternal reoccurence comes in handy.) and it’s both kind of bleak and daunting and incredibly humanizing, because the characters all really become so fully three dimensional (heh) and relatable when you realize the extent of how much the entire plot is  driven by their fear and grief and anger and love. 

and of course as an aspiring screenwriter, i absolutely cannot praise the WRITING enough!!! the writing and the characters. i mean, most shows do not... plan out every minute detail of their story from beginning to end the way dark did. that’s not a knock on other shows necessarily, that’s just how the american television industry works: you typically only break one season at a time, so most people kind of inherently expect there to be at least a little bit of variation in quality, or some plot holes or character inconsistencies from season to season. but dark really, truly feels like one cohesive whole, and again as a writer i cannot even IMAGINE ironing out such a complex story and pulling it off so smoothly and tying up all of the loose ends the way they did. everything is so deliberate, and after a while of watching you start to trust that everything is deliberate, which makes it really really engaging as you try to figure out everything that’s going on.  i’ve already talked about the characters some but just... i will also say that it’s amazing how - like i said - i’ve always loved season 1, but i always felt that it was something i loved more for its plot and concepts and atmosphere rather than being a particularly character driven story, and then BOY DID SEASONS 2 AND 3 PROVE ME WRONG.

i guess all of this to say that i find pretty much every aspect of dark to be in some way incredibly impressive, and that’s why it feels like it’s become one of my favorite shows of all time upon finishing it. it’s up there with stuff like the leftovers in terms of quality imo.

also one more thing before i sign off: the music. the fucking music. dark’s soundtrack is absolutely STELLAR and it is shamelessly unafraid of using that to its advantage.

[habibialkaysani]

9 & 21 :)

9. who are your favourite editors?

oooh, so many. @joharvell and @nyssalance are the ones I follow most closely right now for arrowverse stuff, and they’re also two of my closest friends on here. really great stuff, and mari’s so prolific and is practically the tumblr flash when it comes to icons, and laurie’s gifs are always so sharp and vibrant. but I think, with the caveat that I’ve been pretty absent from here so haven’t been able to properly appreciate their content (tho going thru your blogs is on my list of things to do!) I also have to give a shoutout to @reginaking for really pretty icons and gifs, @lemonyandbeatrice for feeding us so well with god tier femslash content, @booasaur with the wonderful killjoys parallels and @ginger-canary for the lovely laurel rainbows, and the gorgeous fanart. @kingmakings does some fabulous content for my fave pairings like westallen and thundergrace. I am probably missing some people here and I do apologise, but yeah, those are the people that came to mind.

21. have you ever thought of making a job out of the passion of editing?

I have, sorta? I mean. saying that I’m proficient in photoshop and that it’s something I taught myself is definitely something I put on my cv. but like. I don’t think I’m good enough to do it for a living. besides which, I have a law degree. if I start applying for graphic design I’m not sure what people would think. I also don’t have a portfolio per se and I’m not sure anything I’ve created for tumblr would count given it’s kinda obvious I’m an amateur giffer.

that and I can’t really do the fancy stuff. I only recently learned how to sharpen gifs and that was with much patience from mari. there’s a lot that I don’t know, and tbh the thought of doing this for a job is kinda daunting.

asking something to an editor

[cinnbar-bun]

hey! I just wanted to ask if you’re okay with answering how to play and get granblue fantasy?

Ah I’ll do my best nonnie!!! I’m certainly not the greatest at GBF so if others would like to reblog this and add on so I can reblog it for nonnie, that’d be good!

So TLDR; you can play granblue fantasy on your browser or on an emulator (this is of course, assuming you don’t have the Japanese App Store).

You can play it on your browser by going to this link: https://granbluefantasy.jp/sp/en/

When you do you’ll be taken to this page!

Obviously click the button that says ‘play now’.

You will prolly want to make a mobage account so you don’t lose any of your information so I suggest making one following these steps. https://japancodesupply.com/pages/how-to-create-a-japanese-mobage-account

Um it’s been a while since I made an account so I’m not sure if I forgot anything, but that’s the basic gist of it!

Now you chose a good time to join because of the festivities under way in gbf, so you have a reeeeeaaallly good chance of getting lots of new characters and lots of rewards.

Take. Advantage. Of. It.

Since you are (I am assuming) joining today (which you should because you have flash gala going on), you should take incredible advantage of how much SSRs you might get because of free spins and crystals.

Save up your crystals!!!! Do not be a fool like me my friend!!! Your tickets and your crystals are your only chance at getting you anything if you save up!!! Unlike some gacha games that don’t really guarantee you getting the character, GBF has it where if you do 300 rolls (90,000 crystals), you get to “spark” them, or trade for them. Save up. I recommend doing this for your fave holiday/limited time unit. 90k May seem daunting, but the team is certainly very generous, so you can slowly accumulate lots of crystals and tickets (btw!!! A single ticket is equivalent to a 1x spawn, which is about 300 crystals! Tickets are a good way to save up your rolls)

Now to the actual gameplay SINCE I NEED TO WARN YALL TO SAVE YOUR SPARK AND NOT BE A FOOL LIKE ME!

Granblue Fantasy has a lot of content. This is especially daunting to those who are just new to a game like this, but don’t worry.

Do this at your own pace. Grinding excessively and at an unhealthy pace WILL TIRE YOU OUT. You will get severely annoyed and hate the game, and that just defeats the point.

Who cares if you go slower than others? Why do you want to waste yourself away so you can be better? So some elitist who spent years playing the game can pat you on the back or something? It’s pointless. You do this at your own pace and don’t care about other’s paces.

You will absolutely have 0 chance of completing a tenth of the content GBF will offer you in a month or two. Don’t be a fool and think you’re hot shit and will be “that guy” who does everything so quick. You will get your ass handed to you faster than you can say Grindblue. Likewise, don’t be upset that you’re not doing much often or don’t have time to play the game. This is for YOUR enjoyment, so go at YOUR pace, not some elitists, not someone who’s spent years playing the game, not anyone else’s- YOURS.

So things like weapon grids, summons, even characters, those take time to build up! You want to play around with different classes and see which ones you like the most (whether for pure aesthetic or actual gameplay- all up to you!). I’m telling you right now, most of the high level content won’t be available until you reach rank 101, so you have plenty of time to build up your weapon grid and find out what works best for you.

Granblue is all about experimenting and collecting. It’s about taking baby steps to crafting weapons and forging gear, slowly building up your power and your characters to do better in battles, and eventually getting where you would like to be.

Your characters that you spawn definitely have an impact, but rarity isn’t the most important part of this game. Yeah sure, you def always want that rainbow, but almost all characters are usable and can function well if put into a good team. That’s where the experimenting comes in. You can always ask others to help you make a grid or choose which characters might be best with your grid, there are plenty of nice people who will gladly explain the technicalities.

Not only that, but GBF and the GBF wiki provide examples of good start grids for early content and eventually high level content- take advantage of it! You can see what you should focus on and what you can do and get the stuff you need. It’s a slow process but you’ll get the hang of it eventually.

Also, don’t think you can get away with maining only one element and ignoring the rest. You will be obliterated. Of course we all have a certain element or class affinity we like, and that’s fine, but DONT IGNORE YOUR OTHER ELEMENTS! THEY ARE VERY MUCH IMPORTANT TOO!!!

Ummmmmmmm I definitely left out a lot of stuff but I don’t want to put you in information overload so this kinda just more like... my mistakes are your warnings absolutely in no shape or form should you be as much of an idiot as I am when playing GBF. I am clown tier my friend.

Happy grinding and remember to start as soon as you can for the sweet sweet bonus!!

[janiedean]

Why do people think grrm is anti targ + targ incest? Do you think he is?

with the premise that I don’t care for the targaryens at large either way, I’m not invested in that side of the story at all and I haven’t read fire and blood yet:

I don’t think grrm is anti-targ. grrm obviously likes them or he wouldn’t be writing prequels on prequels about them nor would he have made dany a main character nor he would have had them as the house that sorta merges the political and magical plots. there’s characters grrm created he obv. doesn’t feel fond of, but it’s not daenerys;

also - GIVEN THAT IDC ABOUT HER EITHER WAY AND I’M NEUTRAL - I think personally that george writes dany in a sympathetic light where you have to understand that she’s not perfect, that her methods aren’t always good and that her good intentions don’t mean automatically good results nvm that she’s a deconstruction of the revolutionary-who-saves-all trope and not a reinforcement of it, but like... grrm likes dany. who’s the main targ for now unless you decide jon is one but that’s beside the point;

I also think grrm is definitely not the biggest incest fan as it should be because there’s a reason why you don’t have kids with your relatives naturally ie that it’s a genetical lost bet and the only other incest ship he has in those books is toxic as hell and doesn’t shy from showing it, but like....... guys:

I mean. but like while no one judges anyone for shipping fictional incest I don’t really think we have to go much further when it comes to INCEST IS BAD IRL and there’s a reason why it doesn’t fly (ie that incest automatically implies that there’s a power imbalance or abusive situation going on)

that said if grrm had the targs narratively marrying each other it was to a) get to the point where they collapse, b) rehashing some historical facts that he obv. based himself on while writing asoiaf, c) pointing out that absolute monarchies lasting centuries where people marry each other in between relatives are a bad idea, which....

is actually a main plot point because like... guys, the throne is a negative symbol. the point of these books is that political power at all costs corrupts people, power corrupts people, kingship isn’t good and you can’t be halfway decent at it if you actually crave it or if you don’t care for the people you should be ruling, and as much as grrm himself likes dany as a character/presents her as sympathetic there is no way he’s doing targ restoration through her because then we’d be back at the beginning just with maybe a more enlightened monarch and I don’t think that’s where he’s headed;

now imvho the overall political ending is headed towards splitting and having westeros move into full-reinassance era leaving the absolute monarchy behind (also grrm is a pacifist and a liberal in american terms I really doubt he’s much of a monarchy stan) and the fact that technically the person with the better claim if recognized is actually jon ie a character who had no idea he was royally descended, lived his entire life as a bastard and went into the nw which guys is basically a glorified prison for criminals and the last hope for last sons who can’t make a living otherwise, is imho very telling because if he gets kingship it’s... someone who has tasted the other side of the barricade and almost died in between commoners and *wildlings* more than once, which is exactly the contrary of the monarchs that came until now and who wouldn’t be a *conqueror*;

re dany I honestly think she’s going to go back to essos and give it up on account of the fact that a) she’s obv. unhappy ruling in mereen and westeros would be that just worse, b) she’s doing it because it’s what viserys raised her up believing was their destiny but imvho if you look at it she just wants to go back home to the house with the red door and is more in it because she wants to help people than because OMG I REALLY NEED TO SIT ON THE IRON TRAP;

also, sitting on the iron trap or wanting to out of lust for power is automatically a recipe for a) not ending there eventually, b) not being narratively on the good side, c) bad news happening to you, which is why imvho wanting your fave to be on the iron trap as their achievement is not really a good premise to approach the text, which is why I think that if the iron trap survives (debatable) or is substituted (more probable) by something less daunting, whoever ends up on there won’t want the job.

so: I personally think grrm likes the targs a lot as his literary creation but he made them flawed for very specific narrative reasons, I think he likes dany a lot as a character and he won’t be horrid to her but I also don’t think he’s planning for a full-on targaryen restoration and I also think he doesn’t want to send the message that absolute monarchy is the solution to all the problems as long as the monarchs are enlightened. but I also don’t buy the ‘dany as a revolutionary who’ll save everyone’ narrative bc I think she’s there to challenge the concept that you can save everyone with revolutions and good ideas - bc irl it’s a recipe for disaster. when you overthrow a society and make it go from 1 to 10 without passing through steps 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9 it never ends up well or the way people dreamed it would and I think he’s very well-aware of that and I think he’s moving towards the ending where the system is changed from within and there’s the cripples, bastards and broken things in power (ie: the only thing that felt right-ish about the show’s ending) who will then move it to a more modern system, but that’s my three cents. but that doesn’t make him anti-targ. he hasn’t written one character that’s faultless, doesn’t mean he hates all his characters.

that said, he sure af doesn’t support incest as a practice and tbh I don’t think there should even be debate about that because there’s nothing in these books that tells you ‘hey incest is a good thing sometimes maybe we can make exceptions’ and it’s valid for the targs and for everyone else.

if this meant ‘do you think he’s anti jon/erys’ my answer is that idc for that ship and idk how grrm means to spin it if it becomes canon and I wouldn’t put my money on its endgame value if it did so I can’t help you there with any sensed reply because I don’t have any meta-ish thought on that and it’s not really an aspect of the story I care about so much I actually want to theorize about it rather than wait and see what he writes himself.

[cuddlemonsterdean]

About Five Times The Distance (one of my fave Dean-centric fics, it was soo good!) 1, 5, 6, 11 :)

it’s one of your favorite dean centric fics????? oh wow :o (it might interest you then that i’m several pages into the sequel! :D)

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

i really wanted to write established relationship and case fic, because those are my two favorite genres (even though case fic is always daunting to me because it requires planning, and i’m more of a ‘i make it up as i go’ kind of writer). then we got the michael!dean storyline and i knew i had to do something with it (s14 was the best imo, i loved that storyline). i also wanted to be braver - more do my own thing in my writing, and also try new things, new perspectives. i wanted to combine things i’ve experienced myself with things i had no experience of but wanted to learn about - understand other people’s experiences better while also giving the story more depth

5: What part was hardest to write?

the flashback part where dean dicovers that he can’t understand writing of any kind anymore and has a breakdown. that part fought me hard, and i’m still not entirely happy with it. it never felt authentic and in character enough. i might write a prequel to AFTTD though (have actually written a few snippets already and did some outlining), and when i revisist that scene there maybe i’ll do better and it will be easier

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics? and 11: What do you like best about this fic?

these two have the same answer - what, at least to me, made it special, and what i like best about it is actually not what i contributed to it but what other people did: @malallory and @firefly124-writing, my betas who helped me get dean’s stutter right among other things and were endlessly supportive, @cryptomoon who answered all my ASL-related questions and checked all of Eileen’s scenes for accuracy, and @carolinasacco whose beautiful art brought my story to life and who created far more art for it than the dccb rules ask for. yes, i wrote the story, but - to me, it feels like something we created together. i feel like, at the end of it, i learned a lot, i feel like everyone who worked on it with me taught me something, and i value that deeply

also, i received some of the most incredible comments on that fic. to hear how much it meant to people, how they saw their own experiences mirrored in what dean’s feeling and what he goes through, and also how they felt comforted themselves through the way dean’s family accepts him and takes care of him and loves him unconditionally - i don’t have words for how much those comments moved me (still move me, every time i reread them)

thank you so much for your questions!!!

(link to fic)

[thewooreview]

fall equinox

“The Fall Equinox this year sits close to our Full Harvest Moon: consider what you will be calling in and expanding on during this transitional time. This month asks us to bend into any changes taking place, whether they seem daunting or are a relief. This month asks us to examine where we are ready to change, what we are growing, and what exactly we must sacrifice to make way for this growth.” 

-Sarah Faith Gottesdiener, Many Moons 2018 Vol. 2

Fall Equinox / Mabon / Thanksgiving

The change in season asks us to tune in, take stock and pause with reflection about what’s come before and what is yet to come. In the Northern Hemisphere, we’re celebrating the turn to fall (or spring in the Southern Hemisphere). The Equinox falls on the last day of harvest, or Mabon - the last holiday in the Wheel of the Year, which turns to celebrate the new year next month on Samhain (aka Halloween).

Now is a time to give thanks and celebrate the harvest that we reaped under the hot summer sun. To celebrate, to break bread together, to connect, to give back with offerings to the earth and to those around you. It’s a chance to tune in with mother nature, give thanks for all of her bounty, and learn from plants and animals who move and shake in harmony with (and not against) nature. Instead of dreading the cold winter months to come, we are asked to turn to the darkness, for that’s when the seeds germinate. No flower can bloom all year, why would you expect yourself to?

I have been honouring the earth by actively reducing my waste. This month I purchased a metal straw from a zero waste grocer who had a stall at a music festival (conscious consumption?) I carry it with me so I can avoid the plastic ones (hey, I have sensitive teeth). Small, simple acts have power. What ripples are you creating for your future self and the collective?

How will you celebrate equinox? Ritual ideas and inspiration for your practice:

Mystic Mamma serves up 4 rituals

Fat Feminist Witch talks anger on her latest podcast

Sarah Faith Gottesdiener’s post for Monday’s full Harvest Moon

A Simple Ritual

I read this on Instagram and can’t seem to find the post so thank you whoever you are for your inspiration! Get your friends together (or do it solo). Like any ritual, settle down and clear your space before you get into the zone (meditation, smudge, take a salt bath, sweat it out in the sauna). Be intentional with your vibes as you work your magic. What you bring into this space has power. As you prepare for the new year that’s to come, consider three things: something you want to grow, something you are ready to release, and something you want to remember and cherish. Write all three down on individual pieces of paper. Plant the intention you want to feed in the ground, burn the thing you want to let go of, and keep the memory you hold dear.

Journal Prompts / Card Spread

From one of my faves, Natalie Miles.

What are you reaping in your life? What is working? What are you keeping?

What do you need to let go of? What is holding you back?

Where in your life do you still need to show up to be your authentic self?

What do you have gratitude for?

What would you like to focus on/manifest until the next Equinox? ( March 2019)

On Creating Space

From Danielle Laporte: “You want to create more of your art (the book, the blog, the band), but you’re not sure what that is yet? Clear your calendar, desk, garage—so when inspiration strikes (and it will) you can ACT on it. Just because what you want to make isn’t here yet, doesn’t mean you should fill the empty space while you wait for it to arrive. Letting some space in your life be blank can be uncomfortable. Or… totally exhilarating. The rush of possibility, space to unfold into deeper truths… that attract brighter realities.”

I have a habit of over-committing myself and have been intentionally working on creating space for the dreams I’m calling in. Rather than thinking your life and reality will change when you get the thing (the job, the partner, the house, the money, the body, the vacation) - act as if you have all of that NOW. Have gratitude for all that you desire NOW. Feel the way you want to feel, NOW. It’s about being present and moving with the flow of the river, not against it (this took me years to understand).

From Mystic Mamma: “✨ The Equinox portends a shift for all of us, and functions as a gateway from the old into the new, from one season to the next. ✨ Like a cosmic clock attuning us to the larger rhythms of the natural world, it asks that we take a moment and ground ourselves into the present, into our heart space. ✨ Whether we are in the Northern Hemisphere transitioning into Autumn, or in the Southern Hemisphere welcoming Spring, this a sacred time to check in and ask ourselves, what matters most to us? ✨ Who are we at our core level? And are we living our life in accordance to what we hold most true? ✨ What resonates so strongly in our hearts that it brings tears to our eyes? What is worth living for? What do we want to work toward? ✨ In every moment we have the opportunity to awaken to our life. Our soul is rooting for us to have the courage to become exactly who we are. ✨ We have been in the belly of collective transformation and it’s been quite a ride. As we drift in and out of the fog, the great Eagle reminds us that that the sun is simultaneously setting and rising on our horizons. ✨ May we deepen our connection to our truth, our hearts, our power, our great Mother Earth who holds us, and the invisible vibration of Creation that pulses and breathes with all of Life. With all my love! MM ✨“

On Where We’ve Been

I haven’t blogged in a while due to projects I’ve been brewing up in the physical world. We’ve came through eclipse season this summer. Did it rock you?

How did then new moon in Virgo on the 9th treat you? Claire at the Body Astrologer writes in Moon Pages: “The new moon in Virgo gives you a chance to create patterns of expertise in your own life. Keep in mind, this is not the same as stifling perfectionism. This expertise feels natural. What are you the master of?…Trust Virgo to teach you this mastery, skill and expertise with the wise, relaxed clock that nature keeps.” That new moon brought me some woowee-zowee, living my best life, pinch myself is this really happening kind of moments. A few days prior, I connected with Kim Anami via skype. Never in a million years would I have imagined when I took her course last spring that we’d be talking shop a year and a half later. Take a second to pause and give thanks for just how far your’ve come this season, this month, this sun in Virgo, this day, this year…

On the sun in Virgo we’ve just passed through (welcome Libra vibes- my sign!!):

“Virgos make the world go round with their keen eye that leaves no stone left unturned in whatever they seek out to accomplish. Virgos take the gold for beauty and brains as their intellect parallels their down-to-earth perfectly curated aesthetic. We’re wrapping up a time that held high ambitions and focus to reach perfection.  A cleaning of house energy took over this month as you released emotionally/physically…what no longer serves you. Hopefully, you found yourself implementing structure for success... 🦋” -moonophic

Go forth and prosper as the seasons change!