#when fandoms lasted for years after a show ended and fanfic was seen as a craft and squeeing was accepted

[candyfloss-kittens]

22 years….

I've known of the trio for… as long as I can remember, given my dad would watch them way back when they were still on Top Gear. I don't know when Top Gear first aired on TV in New Zealand, I guess when the show first started to get popular world wide? I don't know…. Though, I do have some very vague recollections of seeing news reports about Hammond's big crash back in 2006 when I was 8, but I really don't know. I might've just heard of it back then, not necessarily seen anything about it.

Now, while I had watched bits of Top Gear over the years, and back in primary school, I'd tend to hang more around boys at school rather than girls (I do recall at one point with the desk layouts I was the only girl in one group alongside five other boys), and if I recall correctly, a lot of them would talk about Top Gear. I think I might've even watched some of Top Gear with one of my closest childhood friends many years ago, we might've even watched the Botswana special together when it first aired in NZ, though I genuinely can't remember if that actually happened or not (my memory is… not great). But given me and him did do a lot of things together, and we were both interested in most of the same things, it's possible (I've not seen that old friend in years now, though. Last I heard, he's got three kids…).

I do remember back in 2015 hearing about Jeremy essentially being fired from the BBC, and James and Richard leaving alongside him. Though, I cannot remember what my thoughts on that while situation was, given I at the time I didn't care about them.

It wasn't until late 2021 that I actually started getting into Clarkson, Hammond, and May. I think right as the Grand Tour's Carnage A Trois released. Pretty sure it was a result of some YouTube compilation of the trio popping up on my YouTube feed. At like 1:30am in the morning after i had gotten home from working night shift at my previous job at a mussel factory (that has unfortunately, and frustratingly, now closed down). How, when I've never been interested in cars at all, I have no idea. Then I started mostly just watching YouTube compilation videos of them after work before getting to bed. Then, I had ended up finding a copy of one of the sampler DVDs that came with the Top Gear magazines, the Supercars one, at one of the op shops near me for $2. I kind of just… fell head first into the trio after that. Buying every book and DVD of theirs that I could find, which was a lot easier than I had thought. Found many of my TG books and DVDs at the op shops near me (still had to get a few online, though, because some weren't easy to find, like May's Cars of the People).

Then at one point, I got curious about if there was fanfic written about them. I'm no stranger to rpf fanfic, so while I was surprised to find that there is, I sort of expected there to be? Because if it exists, there's bound to be fanfic for it. What was a surprise though, is just how into writing fanfic of the trio I got. Especially considering at the time I was trying to move away from writing rpf. So, thanks for that, guys.

I still find myself curious whether or not the guys know that there's fanfic about them, and what their thoughts are on it, though. I'd like to think that they just don't give a fuck, because surely if they had a problem with it (if they're aware of it), then they would've said something about it by now.

So… yeah. Known of them since forever, but never really cared much for them until late 2021 at 23. And now in 2024, at 26, I'm still very much into them, despite not really caring about cars (with the exception of collecting die-cast cars, and putting together model kit cars). I don't even have my driver's license.

While I definitely got into the fandom late, it's been very fun. And in terms of my Ao3 fics for the trio, I still have many more ideas to come, so even though the Grand Tour has now ended, I'm not going to be stopping writing fic for them anytime soon. And definitely won't stop me from finishing off my collection of all their books and DVDs they've released over the years.

[louisisalarrie]

Why do you think some larries like the idea of hl broken up in 2013 or 2016? I joined the fandom in 2017-18 and read back popular bloggers at that moment and everyone was convinced that they have been together, and some even were sure that Harry was very supportive in 2016 and did his best for Louis. Last few years I see more and more bloggers thinking differently. Have you ever changed your mind about hl and break ups?

hellooooo anon! welcome to the show x

a lot of the bigger blogs somewhat gave up hope, and started to fall off tumblr anyway because it wasn’t the platform it once was. The dynamic of this fandom is so different now, and visibly shifted after the band went on hiatus. The closeting got more and more aggressive over time, obviously, and then once the band split it was hard to keep on larrying because we weren’t getting content of them. And that’s the main thing I think has subconsciously or consciously swayed folks from believing they’re still together. It was mainly the hiatus.

Now, the hiatus was important in terms of contracts and stunts and we had so much hope that because they were no longer “one direction”, we’d see a large shift in stunts and the boys hanging out together, and perhaps a bit of optimism for a CO. we tried to make the best out of a very sad situation lol, but it made sense. They could be more free since they were both solo and with different teams.

However, we just didnt get what we hoped for. We didn’t see them reconnecting and we didn’t get to see them both being in the same place staring at each other with the same love in their eyes that they had in 2011, because they weren’t required to be. No band, meant no obligations together. So without the constant proof and subtle looks and brushes of their arms and giddiness, it was hard to keep up supporting them. It felt somewhat pointless because we didn’t see an end to it. It was just hoping they were seen together or we’d get SOMETHING, and we got and are still getting little tidbits, but it’s not the same amount of proof as before so people kind of fell off the wagon.

To be honest, I took a step back after 2017 because Tumblr wasn’t pumping as much as it used to, and my life got in the way. Unless something major happened, I was pretty MIA, unfortunately. But I’ve been back fully for a couple years now, which I’m happy about. But it’s easy to shift ideas when you aren’t getting photo and video evidence of them being loved up, ya know? The stunts didn’t stop after 1d. BBG didn’t end. We all bet so much on at least a couple of stunts dropping when they went on hiatus but it just didn’t happen. We were, and still are, caught in this closeting game of PR moves and bullshit tweets and gift baskets for a kid that isn’t Louis’. ANYWAY

Those are the reasons behind a lot of doubt that larry are still together. So, what do I think?

Well, I think that theorising about their breakups is just entirely unproductive for the cause that we’re fighting for. It feels almost… fanfic-esque, and like, I still see people calling themselves casual larries and believe they were together at one point and that’s why they still fight for their freedom, because of what they went through as kids and even their closeting now, but I just… don’t think it should be a theory that people try and convince others of. That’s not what larries are about. If you think they’ve broken up, cool, don’t come on here and try to prove to everyone why, because that’s just… silly. It’s almost an anti move, which a lot of old larries have shifted to, mind you, because of these theories of break ups and very little proof with a whole lot of reaching (sometimes) on our end at the moment.

It’s an argument a lot of people use, like theorising that they’re in an ethical non monogamous relationship, or aren’t together anymore but fuck casually, or genuinely hate each other, or they aren’t together anymore and they’re dating other people (some examples being stunts, some being completely wild theories), and yeah, it comes down to song lyrics and lack of proof otherwise that they’re still together.

A lot of L and H’s songs do have connotations of breakups, or getting back together, or being separated etc., and I see a lot of Larries say “oh well they must have broken up at some point like any relationship, they’re not perfect, but they’re together now” etc., which is great, fine, and normal because being with someone for like 13 years in those jobs is hard work. But I truly think it’s unproductive to theorise on shit like that, as Larries. It gives antis ammo, and I think it comes out of boredom. Because let’s be honest, us and many solos (except the niall solos rn they living it UP), aren’t getting a whole lot right now, larry or otherwise. Harry’s basically MIA, we saw louis and Harry both at the euros in the same photo, louis is doing a few more festivals before a break (god that’s gonna hurt), and so… idk. We’re all itching for something. We used to get new content every day back in the day, but we just aren’t getting it. Which is fine, I don’t expect that these days, but damn, throw us a bone lol.

Some folks like to believe that larry themselves are choosing to keep their relationship private for now, because they want to. That’s fine. Others believe they are still being heavily closeted. That’s fine. What we’re fighting for is the love between two dudes, regardless of whether they have broken up somewhere in between, because we want justice for them and a change in the industry.

Anyway, my belief is that they’re together now, and that’s all that matters. We could go into deep theories and shit about body language changes and attitudes and fighting in 2015/2016 or whatever, but I just don’t think it’s productive, or that simple.

Listen, if I was in that situation, like… it’d be fucking hard to give up after how hard you fought for this person, that love just doesn’t go away. Being that age as well, it’s deep in your soul when you feel it. So I really do think that it isn’t as simple as that. I think it probably got messy at times, frustrating sure, but I’m not going to theorise on that.

And that’s not me being ignorant about relationships and how they can fluctuate and fights happen and breaks happen and I’m sure those two went through hell, but I just don’t see them giving up on each other that easily.

Anyway, hope this gives you a little insight into my brain and what I think about this. You can check out skepticalarrie’s ‘they never broke up’ tag if you like, and I’ll have this in my pinned post for reference to what I think about breakup rumours etc as #still together still going strong.

Let me know if any other q’s or if this ramble needs some clarifying hehe. Thank you! <3

[blazinghotfoggynights]

Fandom is wild! I love it.

Also, I'm just thinking and those thoughts are wandering out of my fingertips. This is just me wondering "aloud".

Tommy Kinard shows up for 30 seconds, after comments about Buck going on a self-discovery journey, and BOOM we have a new relationship and portmanteau in less then 60 seconds.

After last season, I have zero expectations for this season. I can honestly say last season was the most disappointing of the show for me. That ending was awful.

But back to the speculation and messiness. Okay, let's assume for a minute that Buck and Tommy start messing around. I hate to break it to the general public but it isn't as uncommon as you may think for people in their 30s, 40s, and even older to realize they may not be the sexuality they thought they were or to say, "I don't give a damn", and start exploring different avenues.

Personally, I think Buck has been bi-coded all along. But, that's just my opinion. I think he just hasn't dated any man since he began working at the 118.

As for Eddie, I think when they were on Fox, that character was written to appeal to the...ahem...Fox demographic. He's a macho, muscular, handsome alpha male type: good old southern boy, religious, war hero, badass, survivor who loves his family and country. No way was that character EVER going to be anything remotely other than completely heterosexual.

I also believe that as long as the show was on Fox, no white male lead would be anything other than straight. (Look at the history of the major or recurring gay characters on the show. Hen, Karen, Michael, David, the first guy Michael was dating, Eva, and Josh. Note the ratios and how almost stereotypical Eva and Josh are written.)

With a move to ABC, I think there is a chance for a more...diverse spectrum within the LGBTQ characters; however, I am not sure ABC is willing to write both the male leads, I know Bobby and Chim are strongly written characters, but let's be real, Buck and Eddie are arguably the most popular characters, as possibly bi or gay and put them together. Why are they, and not Bobby or Chim, the most popular, especially with that coveted demographic of women 18-49? When you answer that you have the reason both networks might be hesitant to put two men who live in each other's pockets and co-parent a child together.

In business and marketing, how race and sexuality are approached is still quite influenced by the vocal majority and how they think it works. It isn't right. It silences the voices of those who aren't TPTB. The people who are members of those groups aren't listened to, but that is how it is.

My heart will always beat for Buddie endgame. (And write Buddie fanfic when I have time.) But I have seen how media, marketing, and corporations operate and they will always feed the people holding the wallets keeping them afloat. That is why there is a part of me that believes Buddie is probably only going to exist in fanfic.

Buck, and Buck alone, may be given a bi arc while Eddie is written as 100% heterosexual and permanently paired with a woman, while being supportive of Buck and his partner.

By keeping one canonically straight and making the other canonically bi they can straddle the fence. They can play up the chemistry between Buck and Eddie, teasing a what might or could be situation, while keeping them apart.

I could also be totally wrong. Maybe when Eddie realizes Buck likes men, he decides to add more rainbow to his preferences, give in to the very dirty, and locked down like a bank vault, fleeting thoughts he's had about his best friend over the years, corner Buck alone, tell him drop Tommy or whatever man is d-ing him down, and do the d-ing down himself.

Hey, ABC! You are welcome to use the last paragraph for inspiration!

[starcanwrecked-confessions]

I get that there are reasons people may have funded Cinderella's Castle and not Tinlightenment/why Cinderella's Castle got funded quicker than Tinlightenment, but I do not think you guys saying that understand JUST HOW BIG of a difference this was.

Cinderella's Castle fund goal was $250K, Tinlightenment fund goal was $200K and they raised $220K in total.

Tinlightenment raised their goal amount just before the final day of the kickstarter campaign, their campaign lasted a month. Cinderella's Castle got funded in a little less than 30 hours.

CINDERELLA'S CASTLE RASIED MORE MONEY IN 30 HOURS THAN TINLIGHTENMENT DID AN ENTIRE FUCKING MONTH. I can not understate how insane that is!

I have noticed in the past couple years people seem to only care about Hatchetfield, and it's okay to love Hatchetfield, I absolutely love Hatchetfield, it is my favorite of all StarCanWrecked productions, I became a fan because of Hatchetfield. But I remember during the first year of covid that there was so much love for EVERYTHING starkid, tcb and shipwrecked. But then after that first year it seems people only care for Hatchetfield.

Now I'm really so excited that so many people are excited for Cinderella's Castle, that's great!! I'm glad we are giving love to more stuff. But why are we only giving all our love to Cinderella's Castle? Why couldn't we give more love to the other productions going on? Hardly anyone talks about vhs christmas carols. Nobody talks about how the grunch cribbed Christmas. "but those are holiday things" ok sure but still hardly anyone was talking about grunch when it was actually coming out. Hardly anyone has been talk the case of the Greater Gatsby as that's been coming out and fear bc of its break even less people will talk about when it returns. In the tin can bros fandom it feels like I never see love anything except spies are forever really. The entire pulp musicals fandom seems to be just like 5 people.

I am begging fans who have seen more than just Hatchetfield to give love to more than just Hatchetfield. Please. You have seen how amazing all of this stuff we get to watch is. Go give it some love. Make some posts about it. I have some old fans/fans who have seen more than just Hatchetfield complain about fans who have just seen Hatchetfield and if you really think that then WHERE is your love for other stuff? You don't even have to make art or fanfic, you can just reblog stuff!

I am begging fans that have only seen Hatchetfield to at least TRY to watch something outside of it, you might like a lot of stuff, you just have to start with trying to find something that sounds appealing to you. You like spooky towns? Go check out wayward guide, solve it squad and headless. You just like musicals? Well starkid and tcb have many. Maybe you like short films. Maybe you like a certain franchise starkid has parodied. It is ok if you end up just liking Hatchetfield but I do think you should give other things its a try.

I know I'm probably coming off as rude and I'm sorry. And you don't have to go a show love for or watch anything outside of Hatchetfield if you don't want to. I just wish that people would. And I am frustrated that no one seems to care about 90% of the amazing stuff that has been made.

~~~

[countryrebel1995]

I didn't want to have to make this post, I've seen enough shipping drama on Tumblr over the years that I usually steer clear of it, but there’s been so much Nooshy bashing in the tags lately that I feel compelled to weigh in on it.

Why do people like Nooshy? Well, to put it simply, even though she’s never the center of attention in "Sing 2", Nooshy manages to be a girl with layers, and there's a lot to appreciate about her. When we're first introduced to her, she's a street performer so she can make the money that she needs to survive, but she’s also genuinely passionate about her craft - she loves to dance - and she enjoys getting a chance to share that passion with someone else whenever they come along.

While she can be snarky and prickly and slow to trust strangers, she’s also very nice once you get to know her. After a young turtle kid almost screws up her performance, she's still very playful and accommodating towards him. When she’s brought backstage to the Crystal theater, she compliments some dude's hat just to make him feel good about himself. While she initially agrees to help Johnny because he offers to pay her, she starts to stick up for him and genuinely support him, because the way Klaus treats him isn't right. She decides to help the Moon Theater troupe put on their big show, even though she's only known these people for about a week and their plan will surely be very dangerous, because the way Jimmy Crystal treats them isn't right either and she wants to help them stick it to the man. After Johnny tells her that he and his family used to be a gang of notorious criminals, Nooshy never judges them for their shady past, and is actually quite happy to see how close he and his father are now (especially since it's implied that she might not even have parents herself). And during "A Sky Full Of Stars", she encourages Johnny to never give up and follow his heart, because he's her friend and she wants to see him succeed.

Nooshy is snarky and mischievous, but underneath it all, she's actually a very kind girl, and very loyal towards the people who earn her respect. And by the end of "Sing 2", she gets her happy ending when she not only gets a new paying career doing what she loves, but also finds a place where she belongs among the Moon Theater troupe.

The reason why I just went off on that rather long tangent, dissecting her character, is to drive home the point that Nooshy has done nothing in the canon films to warrant the way people talk about her sometimes.

I've seen people insult everything about her and her fans for shipping reasons, because they see her as a threat to their preferred ships (even though she and Johnny are not even canonically a couple by the end of "Sing 2"). And there's a real double standard when it comes to this too, because no other character who's been shipped with Johnny over the years gets this kind of treatment. Meena doesn't, Ash doesn't, Ryan doesn't (even though the claim that Nooshy haters sometimes make - that people only like her as one half of a ship - could just as easily be said about him).

And this is really nothing new. Characters getting trash-talked over shipping wars is a tale as old as time when it comes to fandoms, and people are entitled to their opinions. The reason why I made this post is because lately, the Nooshy bashing is starting to cross a line.

Over the last few months, I've been seeing a growing number of comments complaining about people including Nooshy in their fanart. I've also been seeing a growing number of posts outright insulting people who like Nooshy or like to ship her with Johnny, saying that they're stupid and shallow and should just go away because they’re a blight on the fandom.

How about no.

In a fandom, people are allowed to like whatever character they like, or ship whatever couple they like, so long as they're not hurting anyone. If you hate Nooshy so much that you can't stand seeing any fanart of her or fanfics of her, because you don't want to be reminded that she exists, then I'm sorry but you're either just going to have to deal with that or stop engaging with the parts of the fandom where people want to appreciate her. Because quite frankly, your hatred for this character is no one else’s problem except your own and people are not going to stop liking her just for your benefit.

[icaruspendragon]

Please stop making spn posts just let it die please

here’s the thing- i will not be doing that.

you see, there’s so much shit in this world. the horrors. the terrors. all of it. they’re out there. and something that makes the horrors and the terrors and all the other shit a little easier for me to deal with is talking about a silly little fifteen year long collective fever dream. it’s one of the last vestiges of adolescence i have.

when i was being tossed about in the sea of my grief, it was spn that kept me from drowning. it was misha collins dubbing himself my nemesis and participating in the mishapocalypse 2.0 that gave me a distraction i needed so terribly in the early days of me trying to learn how to be an only child. he didn’t have to. he could have ignored the whole thing. but he didn’t. and that’s something so special to me i don’t think i’ll ever have the words to articulate the depths of my gratitude. because the first time i felt joy after my brother dying was at a supernatural convention. it was when i asked misha about the silly comment and he had a screenshot of it on his phone ready to show me to prove he had done it, that was the first time i realized that one day i wouldn’t feel so full of nothing i didn’t have room for anything else. it was the community i made there that showed up for me time and time and time again that made me realize i may be lonely, but i wasn’t alone. and that wasn’t the first time the community around that show had made me feel that. and I’m certain it won’t be the last.

the first time i ever encountered fandom in full force was in 2013. that’s a decade of my life. and it’s because i decided to watch supernatural. and it was in this fandom space that for the first time ever, i felt seen and heard and valued. for the first time in my life, i felt like i mattered. and my thoughts mattered. it wasn’t until i found fandom by way of spn that i realized i had value and worth. it was that show that gave me some of the best friends i could have ever asked for. it is because of the spn fandom that i have been given so many opportunities. that i have a way to make an actual difference.

and it has continued to do that for me. even ten years later. there are people who i didn’t know existed less than a year ago who i couldn’t imagine my life without now. people who have been to my home. people who have become my home. people i have flown across the country to see and people who have flown across the country to see me. people who are my family. and i met them because we share the same level of brain rot for a cw show that caused a great deal of damage to our psyches.

we get to curate our internet experience. we get to look at and talk about and post about what we want. and if someone posts something we don’t care for, we don’t have to look at it or engage with it or interact with it. we can scroll. we can block. we can ignore. we each get to carve out our own little space online. we get to build a little home. and my home is full of my love for a lot of things. for avatar: the last airbender and the hunger games and percy jackson and fandom and fanfic in general. my love for poetry and art and words. and yes, my love for a show that ended over two years ago that has haunted corners of the internet since 2005. i have a lot of love for a lot of things. so i talk about and post about the things that i love because i don’t ever want to look back and say, “my god, i should have loved more.” and i’m allowed to do that. because this is my space. i built it just for me.

this silly little show with it’s silly little characters is the one thing i have from Before that has remained unchanged. and even if that weren’t the case. even if i didn’t have all this sentimentality attached to it. even if it was never a lighthouse, a buoy for me. even if it was just something i casually enjoyed. i would still post about it. because it makes me happy. because i’m not hurting anyone by enjoying it. because it’s given me a little blip of light in a dark world. and you don’t have to consume it if you don’t want to. that’s the beauty of all of us living in different houses. we can visit who we want, when we want. and we don’t have to visit the houses we don’t to. how wonderful it is, that we are the gods of this small thing. we get to create and dismantle and create again. as many times as we want. because this is our space to do with what we want.

and i want to post about my love for all things, including hit cw show supernatural. and i can. so i will. because i’m the one living in this house. and no one is making you come visit.

[haptronym]

Hey!! This is the anon from a while back who had that convo with you about quirkless discrimination with your cannon vs fannon posts. The one who sent a way too long ask haha.

I still haven’t picked back up BNHA, just still dinking around in the earlier seasons with my writing after dropping it so long ago due to the exact reason you outlined; I stopped watching due to a certain character stagnating while saying they’re changing. Which I find amusing how prevalent that problem is in so many arcs that it’s the reason I stopped watching the show actual years ago (though not solely, it was that + a combination of other things with that arc but it really exasperated it) and you’re now talking about the same exact issue for the end of it. I don’t even feel like I can say it’s due to external pressures rather then just a weak point of the writer at this point tbh.

But, besides that, on the topic of why I initially started this ask, I just wanted to say it’s interesting to hear the story has still done squat with quirklessness, really goes to show the whole glaring divide in exactly what we where talking about so long ago. Full circle kinda?? It really is such a shame the show never went into it and kinda failed to scratch the surface of anything with how compelling it would have been and how easily it could have tied into the whole of the series’ themes.

But hey, like you said, there’s always fanfics. Just thought I’d send in an ask about it since it was fun talking to you about it last time.

Now that it’s over, I might give the show another shot, for old times sake, we’ll see!

Oh as an add on, as the fannon vs cannon anon, I do want to put a note that since I haven’t seen the thing myself I’m not making too strong opinions on it or agreeing with everything in that post, just contemplating the specific stuff I talked about in that previous anon ask as a sort of now outsider to the series.

This isn’t a “oh you’re wrong!” but making sure people know I’m not blindly following things I’ve read about a series rather then forming opinions around it from first hand cannon, HA! I’ll do that when I maybe start watching it again…one day…

-

(The post under discussion)

Hello again! Glad you're still enjoying the fandom space and haha, it's ironic that this issue is why you dropped the show. I'm also going to caveat that I'm not trying to dunk on Horikoshi or be a bitter hater. The issues I'm bringing up are par for the course for most serial writing, way harder to avoid than they seem. I really liked MHA overall and have huge respect for Horikoshi's writing, art, and ability to keep his sanity while bringing this behemoth to life.

Anyway, a response.

I mentioned a few aspects where quirklessness got brought in later in the story, but overall, yeah, it still felt kind of… vestigial. To me it felt like the author threw it out there at first thinking it was a cool idea, then later went "ugh, shit, that's not actually where I want to focus. I can't retcon it, so let's just... minimize it and move on." A lot of times when big series start, they toss out a whole bunch of possible story hooks and then narrow down to just a few that they're actually going to spend serious time on... anyone who gets hooked on a premise that doesn't end up being developed further can be left feeling disappointed.

I suspect this is exactly the reason why MHA has such a giant fandom. The show's clown-car cast means that pretty much no character really gets "deep" treatment. Instead we get 1,000 tantalizing flashes of really, really cool possibilities. We get sucked in by an awesome idea, get frustrated when the cool character/premise barely gets touched again after that, and then feverishly fill the empty space with fanfic and fanart. (I'm lucky that my favorites, Izuku and All Might, were about the most main of main characters, and even they felt somewhat shallow. I can't imagine the agony of being, say, a Momo fan.)

Unfortunately when a story does this, it also means that it's inevitably going to disappoint its fanbase. It tossed out 1,000 awesome ideas but it only has space to cultivate a small handful of those into proper plotlines… not only is it sad to see all the unused plot threads peter out, but usually the realized story ends up outright contradicting at least a few very popular fan theories and hopes. This doesn't mean the story's bad, far from it. But in these weekly-chapter stories where fans have years or decades to get attached to their interpretations and predictions, praying each week that yes, it seems like a long shot, but maybe the story will veer off into X… things quickly spiral into enormous bitterness when those decades of hope are finally snuffed out for good. (This same phenomenon makes me dread the eventual end of One Piece…)

MHA had a lot of people going "it's not like other shonen!" because it had lots of promising ideas. But it turned out that… yes, it is just another shonen. Shonen are tons of fun, and I love MHA overall. But man, it got hit hard by those high expectations.

I was a bit harsh (and incorrect) in my post, saying Izuku/All Might haven't changed at ALL, and that quirklessness meant NOTHING. It gets outright confusing when there are characterization backsies like the ones I described. Which is canon: the single panel where a character says "quirklessness is a big deal to me!" or the way that every other character behavior and plot point screams "sure doesn't seem like it"? They're both real. And this discrepancy depends on the reader's interpretation too: I'm extremely picky about characterization, while someone less anal might not see any contradiction at all. So we get All Might fans insisting that the show made quirkless issues into a huge enormous part of the plot/characters, and meanwhile I don't see it, and get annoyed and preachy because it feels like the narrative is being unfairly ascribed depth and profundity that I really wanted but never actually saw from it. How dare!

ANYWAY, I highly recommend checking out the rest of the show. I have a feeling the final arc is going to look amazing in animated form once it's finally done. The final section is a combo of delightfully over-the-top shonen insanity and surprisingly weighty outcomes. We can debate whether it really earned those outcomes, but I'm at least pleased that it tried.

[mayasdeluca]

Legitimately in tears right now thinking about what this means and how we are so close to the end and losing yet another wlw couple on television. Except Maya and Carina weren't just any couple. The portrayal from Danielle and Stefania is simply magic and to suddenly have that taken away is so gut wrenching. This couple has meant so much to so many including myself, we all have our personal reasons for attaching to Maya and Carina both as individuals and the relationship and now knowing that they are going to be taken from us after 10 episodes just absolutely sucks.

10 episodes isn't nearly enough to wrap up their storylines in a satisfying way, we probably aren't going to get to see Maya and Carina as moms and if we do, it's probably the quick route aka adoption so we won't get pregnant Carina and everything is just going to be tainted. To now try and enjoy the last bit of Marina we have is going to be so difficult just knowing that it's the last of them forever.

I didn't want to believe the 10 pm time slot or 911 moving to ABC were signs that this was happening but I guess it was too good to be true. The fact that ABC is choosing to do this while still keeping Grey's on the air which hasn't been doing well in the ratings for years now and is on its 20th season is insanity. The fact that they're putting all their eggs in a fire show that they just decided to pick up out of nowhere that has twice the budget at least than Station 19 while Station 19 has been on their network giving them engagement and decent ratings for years is fucked. I know this stuff happens in this business and I'm sure it won't be the last time but when it comes to wlw stories and queer representation and the fact that it just always ends up being our stories first, it's so so frustrating and exhausting.

This fandom has its flaws obviously but the idea of all the fan art, fanfic, live tweets, creations, etc. coming to an end saddens me so much knowing how many incredibly talented people there are in this fandom. I have read and seen some of the best content I've ever come across in the Marina fandom and just knowing it's probably going to lessen and lessen as the show ends really makes me sad to think about. Knowing that our little community here probably won't be the same once the show is over too makes me sad to think about too. It's been so fun interacting and becoming friends with people in the Marina fandom and gushing over our favorite wives and I'm going to do my best to make the most out of that for these last 10 episodes but right now it just really hurts and this news is going to sting for a while.

[im-no-jedi]

alright. it’s finally time. after almost four years, the series that radically changed my life is coming to a close. I’ve seen several other people make posts about this, so I think it’s only fair that I write my own. be warned, this is going to be long, rambly, and only somewhat coherent LOL

when this show was first announced, I was shocked. although I had fallen in love with the Bad Batch during their arc in TCW, I was unsure how an entire show surrounding them could work. I was even more skeptical after I saw the trailers, which had this mysterious child show up. and as I’m sure all of you know by now, my feelings quickly turned around just after the first episode. I immediately was endeared to Omega and looked forward to seeing how the rest of their story played out. by the time the first season had ended, I was already deep in the planning stages of writing out my self-insert series, MLWTBB.

I honestly didn’t expect to love this show as much as I do. but I quickly realized why after the first season ended. (I'm gonna sound like a broken record for some of you, I'm sure LOL)

firstly, the characters. like I said, I loved TBB from the moment we saw them in TCW. and I immediately liked Omega as well. but the way these characters have been portrayed and fleshed out has only endeared them to me more. it became clear to me very quickly that these guys were an eerily similar analogy to my own family. I already saw a lot of myself in Hunter, but the rest of my family are very similar to them as well, even down to certain dynamics between each of them. not only that, but their struggles also mirror my family in that we’ve suffered several losses in our lives too. my mom sobbed like a baby when Kamino was destroyed because she saw similarities between that and a similar loss we’d endured irl. which, for me, is why it hits SO much harder when something bad happens to them. Plan 99 was devastating for many reasons, but for me, because I see so much of my dad in Tech, it felt like I was losing both of them. and having already had struggles with my dad irl… yeah. I feel like these guys ARE my family now, which has been the running theme in MLWTBB. and it's been cathartic both seeing them get through their struggles in the show, as well as portray my own struggles through my writing.

speaking of my writing, this show has inspired me so much creatively, that literally nothing else is comparable. I had already ventured into the realms of digital art previously to watching this show, as well as publicly sharing some of my writing. but not only did my art significantly improve due to all the pieces I was drawing for this show... but my writing skyrocketed. I finished writing a fanfic for the first time since I was FOURTEEN. and I've both written and finished several stories since then. and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. my art and writing will continue to flourish long after this show is over, I'm certain of that 😁

another thing is the real life impact this show has had on me. and honestly, this is the big one.

some of you have been following me for over a year or more now, so you'll probably recall the struggles I've had with my mental health, especially last year. I'd suspected that I had some mental disorder for a while now, but it was only last year that I really began to pursue the idea of getting diagnosed and treated. it of course began in therapy, then moved to having discussions with my parents about it. everyone was very supportive of me, thankfully... except for one person. myself. despite all of the work I'd done to move forward in my life, this was the hurtle I was struggling with the most. the fear of the unknown has always terrified me the most, so this unfamiliar territory was like a nightmare-scape to me.

then "The Crossing" happened.

fandom had headcanoned Tech being autistic for a while previous to this episode, myself included. some even liked to think all of them were neurodivergent in some way, again myself included. so when this episode dropped and we basically got the confirmation that our headcanon was correct? that. that was the push I needed. seeing this character that I love SO much in a show that I love SO much not only confirming his neurodiversity, but embracing it??? I literally told my mom that weekend that I was finally ready to get tested. and the rest is history. I'm now officially a part of the ND gang, and I've never regretted it for one second \o/

not only that... but I'm on meds now. meds that have altered my brain in such a way that I've NEVER felt before. my anxiety and depression no longer have a hold on me, and it's all thanks to this show 💙💙💙

and leading into that, the last thing I wanna mention is the connections I've made through this show. my entire family is (mostly) SW fans, so I've always had them to fangirl and discuss SW shows with. but I've missed having friends outside of the family to connect with. it's been YEARS since I've been involved in a fandom that had such a lovely group of people. and I know what some of you might say. and you're right. of course there's toxicity, just like any other fandom. but I can honestly say, I haven't met such a welcoming and friendly group of individuals as I have with this fandom. I've made some real, true, long-lasting friendships because of this show, and I'll be forever grateful for that. do the meds help? absolutely. but remember, I never would've even been on meds rn if not for this show either!!

and on that note, I just wanna call out some of the lovely people I've met, some whom I've only gotten to know recently! 🥰

@photogirl894 my beloved Morgan, my little sis, the Omega to my Hunter. you've been nothing but a joy and a blessing to me since the day I met you. I truly believe the Lord led you to me so that I could properly start this journey towards recovery and growth. I love you SO much, sweetie, thank you for being you 💙💙💙

@heyclickadee my dear friend, the conductor of the Tech Lives train. I've so appreciated your insight and wisdom in regard to all of the insanity. you genuinely helped get me through my depression after Plan 99, and you've continued to uplift me with your positivity and hopefulness. may we finally get to see our nerd alive and well again in your honor 🙏🏻

@clonethirstingisreal sweet Carol!! fellow Hunter simp!! getting to know you has been nothing short of amazing and wonderful! I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see an older fan amongst the young'ins LOL. we've been able to relate to each other in SO many ways, it still astounds me. I look forward to seeing your journey progress in hopefully similar ways to mine! 🥰

@lightwise @freesia-writes @better-to-bee @probadbatch (spacing this out so y'all get tagged properly)

@jedi-hawkins @anxiouspineapple99 @arctrooper69 @sunshinesdaydream and everyone else I've gotten to know both here and on Discord, THANK YOU!!!! thank you for letting me into your lives and for all the joy and laughs we've had together. I consider you ALL my friends, and I'm blessed to have met you all 💙💙💙💙💙

and finally, because I know she'll berate me if I don't mention her too, my best friend and irl sister @jam-n-ham. gurl, we have been through it, haven't we? you've been the sole witness to my reactions every week, and for that, I apologize LOL. but we have fun, at least, right? 😆 we've spent HOURS talking about this show, and I'm sure we'll have many more hours to come. you've also supported me and my writing, which I'm eternally grateful for (even if you can barely stomach the Hunter romance scenes ROFL). I can't wait to add in your additions to the story, and for you to see what I've been cooking up 😁 thanks for always being my no.1 bestie 🥰🥰🥰

I don't feel like rereading this before posting, so if there's any typos or whatever, oh well. the fact that I even got all of this out tonight is a miracle honestly haha. now if you'll excuse me, I have to start compiling every single box of tissues we own before tomorrow 😝

oh, and one last thing. an addendum if you will. I haven't been posting much of my thoughts about the finale for many reasons, but I'll just say this. ever since "The Return", I've been rotating Hunter's last words to Crosshair in my head, on repeat.

enough said✨

[scrunkalicious]

It's LackaCrazy!! (The Lackadaisy Phenomenon Of 2 Million Dollars)

Last night, the Lackadaisy Backerkit for funding for Season 1 hit it's final goal of 2 MILLION DOLLARS, and ended up even surpassing it! With the help of 16,000+ backers, and everyone's support, we've done it. Thank you so much to everyone who backed it, and to everyone who gave the project their support.

Lackadaisy gives me faith in humanity, honestly. To see a heartfelt project get this much support that allows for it to be the best it can be makes me so happy. To see people worldwide get together to see something as silly as "Prohibition Era Gangsters But They're Cats" makes me smile so much.

Lackadaisy is a series that has made so many people happy, and it's been here since 2006. Long time fans that are not adults have seen the progress of the series as the years have gone by. Newer fans who joined because of the pilot tagging along for the ride. Friends and family of fans who have heard about it because of them. Everyone who has heard about and/or been a part of the Lackadaisy journey in some way, all of us make up a community of people coming together for something immaculate.

I hold Lackadaisy quite close to my heart. It's brought me great joy! I've met so many friends through Lackadaisy (I'm looking at yall- Star, Ari, Oddie, Roo, Sam, other Star, Wilma, everyone else there is so many of yall <3), and I've strengthened bonds with my current friends by telling them about Lackadaisy (Looking at yall- Remy, Leah, even some of my teacherz aha-)! It's a warm thing that brings people together, that's what Lackadaisy is.

There's so much passion that comes from Lackadaisy. Passion from Tracy, Fable, Newt, the whole team in their work. Passion from the fans with our fanart, fanfics, fan-ocs, words, and works of art in general. I've seen things and sides of humanity in Lackadaisy that I have never seen with many other things.

I am so proud to be a part of the Lackadaisy Fandom/Community/Family. It's a lifetime experience that has allowed me to have hope and see things that I never would have seen if I was not a part of this. There are a lot of little things that make Lackadaisy feel heartfelt. From the LackaLivestreams Tracy and the cast do, to how the Lackadaisy team keep up with the tag on multiple platforms, all these little efforts made make this fandom feel so seen.

The Lackadaisy Phenomenon of how 16,000+ people worldwide got together and raised 2 Million dollars for silly boozecat show is history, and we made it! This right here is the future of Indie Animation.

While Lackadaisy is definitely one of the silliest fandoms ever, I love it so much for that. We love to have fun here, and go LackaCrazy!!!!!!!

I love Lackadaisy so much, I love you all so much, I love Mordecai Heller so much!!!!! <33

A reminder of how much we achieved:

We reached the original goal of 125K in less than an hour!

In the first day, we reached half a million/500K!!

In five days, we reached 900K!!!

In eight days, we reached 1 MILLION!!!!

A few days after that (I stopped counting smh) we reached 1.5 MILLION!!!!!

In the last few hours of the Backerkit, we reached the final goal of 2 MILLION!!!!!!

{{Part one of my speech for when we hit 1 Million can be found here!!}}

[avastrasposts]

Hello!

So I just realised about 300+ people decided to follow me and, I suppose, read my stories? And 300 is such a small number but to me it's surreal that so many of you want to read what I write!

So I thought I'd introduce myself a little, just to be polite you know, and be like those author blurbs they put on the inside flap of books. So read on if you want to know more about me and my writing, or just keep scrolling if you'd rather I remain a redheaded mystery with a thing for Frankie Morales.

Also, chapter 16 of The Pilot and his Girl will be posted tomorrow, it just needs another round of editing.

Also, again, this got long, so if you can't be bothered reading all my ramblings below the cut, I totally understand. I have a habit of getting wordy....

So, I'm in my 40's and I've been writing for most of my life, starting with embarrassing little short stories in adorable misspelled fashion when I was just wee. I aspired to be a journalist and then went on a completely different tangent career wise, ending up with a PhD in an area I no longer work in (fifteen years of higher education never to be touched again but you definitely want me on your team in a pub quiz!). I have vague memories of writing fan fiction in my early 20, I think? (I'm old, give me a break). But I only got back to it late last year as a way to kick start my imagination and discipline around writing again. I needed a creative outlet and writing is something I always enjoyed and found easy to do.

I live in England, in the amazing but fucking expensive city of London. I look pretty much like my profile picture, only more wrinkles and maybe a bit of silver in all that gingerness. I'm a very good cook and baker (Pedro, I'll teach you how to cook any day!) and I'm married to my very own sweet Latino man. He's not called Frankie but he does call me cariño. I have big chunk of family in Sweden and I speak a little bit of Swedish (it's actually where I am right now, we're over here celebrating midsummer).

I started writing fanfics for The Boys fandom and Karl Urban as I was binging the whole show after finishing season 4. Then I stumbled into the Pedro Pascal fandom as I watched The Last of Us.

TLoU has a very special place in my heart. I've been gaming since my early teens and bought a Playstation 3 after saving for months, my first console after playing on PC for years. When TLoU came out in 2013 I bought and played it straight away and I, like so many others, had an experience playing it. It's the only story, in any medium, that's made me cry after just 10-15 minutes of game play. The scene were Sarah dies, still gets me every time. And the rest of the game...I turned up at work the next week in a daze, just needing to tell people about this incredible story and experience I'd had. It was like no other game I'd ever played, before or since. And I've replayed the game about once a year since 2013. Back then, that kind of game was totally unique, there was nothing like it. Some games had explored stronger story telling elements, but not on this level, nothing came even close to creating such a bond between gamer and characters. Now days we're spoiled by powerful storytelling in video games, in 2013, The Last of Us was totally unique (sorry, I'm blabbering, but I could go on at length about TLoU and the impact it had).

So when I heard there was talks about turning into a tv-series, I was scared. Really worried. The gaming community have seen so many horrendous adaptations of video games, my beloved Assassin's Creed was butchered in 2016. But then I heard Pedro Pascal had been cast as Joel and I was carefully hopeful, and then Bella Ramsey as Ellie and I got really excited. I'd seen them both in Game of Thrones, both of their performances sticking in my mind. I even remember reading about Pedro being cast in GoT and looking him up and being disappointed because he looked nothing like I'd pictured the Red Viper when I read the books. But then he just swanned in and crushed it, he was so damn good, he won me over straight away. I can't imagine anyone else playing Oberyn.

And then of course, the first few trailers of TLoU dropped and we got glimpses of the show and I remember texting my equally TLoU obsessed friend and we squealed in delight at how good it looked! And the first time I heard the clicker sound....I shuddered, it was a very real physical reaction. If I'd been on the actual set and heard it, I think I would've run a mile.

And then, as I was still writing The British Connection, a fic set in The Boys fandom, I watched Triple Frontier, and, like so many others, fell hard for sweet Frankie Morales. So jumping the gun a bit, I decided to write something with him, just a drabble, to get used to writing him and to write in the Reader insert format. But it kind a grew in scope and when I had the idea of sticking him and the rest of the Triple Frontier boys into TLoU universe I knew I had to create something bigger.

Looking back I would've made the story tighter, less lengthy, had I known from the start that's where it was going to go. But part of the fun of fan fiction is posting as you go, I think. I get feedback from you guys and it makes me think of other elements to add to the story. There isn't always a set road map for how a fic is going to develop.

If you've made it this far, congratulations and thank you, I'm impressed you read all that rambling from some stranger on Tumblr! The Pilot and his Girl has a set plan now, I have chapters drawn up and although I'm not sure how many chapters I'm going to end up with, I know where the story is going. You'll find out what's happened to Pope, Will and Benny. And Joel and Tommy will of course come back to the story later on. There will be more trauma and angst as the story continues but there will be a happy ending, of sorts, in the end.

And again, thank you all for reading, commenting and reblogging! I love you all!

[defeateddetectives]

had the year end fic review meme brewing in the drafts and forgot all about it until now so for my own reference and posterity's sake: 2k23 edition (while its still uh january!)

apparently i used to do this every year for a while and then had several years of writerly drought so here's manifesting more words for the years ahead!! as with previous years, using metrics from ao3

Total number of completed stories: 8

Total word count: ~8k or so

Fandoms written in: drrr!! (gasp), project k, jjk, natsume yuujinchou (really truly bar revival 2k23 or die trying!!!!!)

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? the last few years had totally sapped me creatively so the bar was on the floor. more than expected by that metric even if much less than i had relative to years before that.

What's your own favorite story of the year? kirigami probably! i guess the good thing about doing this a month into the new year is i dont have to mysteriously redact the yuletide reveal anymore :)

Did you take any writing risks this year? i posted drrr!! fic after ages and that wasnt bb gangsters-centric! and tried my hand at jjk characters' voices (posted only a tip of that iceberg) which was ~adventurous even though i still dont rly have a handle on em! birthright was a risk bc it was a total shot in the dark about a dynamic we havent even seen play out yet??? (more matoba siblings lore when, ms. midorikawaaaa)

Do you have any fanfic or ofic goals for the New Year? just telling myself to keep writing, dont overthink it, and remember everything you write will generally sound awkward and clunky after reading it for the 100th time without stepping away

My best story of this year: i never have an objective measure on this so my fave(s) are typically the best to me

My most popular story of this year: parthian shot & saccades are tied at this moment by ao3 kudos science if we're going by that!

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: nothing stands out over the year

Most fun story to write: a few come to mind. though it was a v tiny memefill, i had a lot of fun with where the hours bend and it came very easily! fun fact: i was in the vicinity of houjicha cheesecake at the time and it subliminally crept into the fic which i only realized much later :')

more beautiful than night was also written amidst a self-indulgent single-sitting whirlwind with so much love and really felt like going back to basics because 2nd person mkiz nonsense is my brain's default state of being apparently <3

kirigami was wildly fun in a very different way like a puzzle i needed to crack and couldnt step away from until i did

Story with the single sexiest moment: mayhaps natori shuuichi ready to throw down at his first appearance in kirgami :D while maybe not what most people would call sexy, the entire dynamic and vibe throughout (anguished repressed bidirectional longing and all) was very sexy To Me!

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: wound up contemplating izaya and celty's absolutely bonkers dynamic via zero sum game in a way i dont think i had before

Hardest story to write: kirigami bc of the mental gymnastics of remixing that original vol 28 canon arc that is an absolute masterpiece in storytelling in its own right. i was very intimidated about doing it justice and as a gift-fic as well! the months leading up to yuletide were also bananas overall so, all things considered, it's a miracle that it came through on time!!

parthian shot also comes to mind bc the current canonverse exorcists dynamic, as delicious as it is, feels so frail and tenuous and i find myself wanting to handle it with the utmost care and respect when trying to show it

Biggest Disappointment: the stories i invested a lot in, i wound up fairly happy with! [endless number of ancient wips glare at me in disappointment]

Biggest Surprise: bar revival 2k23 in its entirety tbh :') also probably the extent to which i fell into jjk/stsg hell but i guess you cant really tell from the finished works for better or worse!!!

[dimplesandfierceeyes]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

Another tag game I finally managed to get to! Thank you to @tiistirtipii, @dudeyuri, @feralmuskyscentedhoepran, @softpran, @dancing-out-in-space, and of course, @fiercynn for tagging me in this one!

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

Hello, I’m Kayla! I’m, as probably noticeable by my spelling, not American haha. Yeah I guess that’s it. I’ve never been good at talking about myself.

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

I watched it from the start, but somewhere around episode 3 I started actively looking into the fandom and by the end of ep4 I was already in a discord group and writing my first fanfiction. The rest, as they say, is history XD

favourite ship(s)

I am a PatPran, InkPa enthusiast although I did also like the LouisSafe idea which is why i wrote a whole fic about them haha

favourite character(s)

Beyond Pat and Pran, Pa, Korn and Ink will always be in my heart

favourite episode(s)

As much as I love episode 5, episode 3 is probably the episode I’ve watched the most haha I just love watching Pran coming out of his shell (even if he does get crushed in the very next episode T-T)

favourite scene(s)

The Rooftop comes in at number 1 every time, but also the fight in front of the apartment block just before it, the bus stop scene and guitar scene in ep3, the balcony scene in ep8, the bedroom scene in ep9, so many scenes in ep11, and everything after Pran turns up at the apartment in ep12. Serotonin factories every one. 

one thing you would change about the show if you could

I’d have liked Pat’s anger in episode 7 to have been dealt with a bit more definitely but they pulled it back by giving it proper consideration in episode 11.  Honestly I would have also loved more flashbacks to their pre-transfer era as well as a little more on Icy Pat, but I understand why we didn’t get them. 

what are your some of your favourite fanworks made by other people?

This is a difficult one for me! So I actually did a list of my favourite bad buddy edits here and also fanfics here and here plus I’m pretty sure I did another, but can I find them? No. So I’m gonna add to this by saying also anything by @miscellar (aworkingprinter on AO3).

(if you create fanworks) what are your favourite fanworks that you’ve made?

Some of my own favourites? Well, that’s trickier haha! Probably A Fine Line Between Hormones and Home, The Space Pirate and the Officer of the Law and, just because it was my first fanfic in the fandom, He’s No Romeo.

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

Pancakes for Dinner by Lizzy McAlpine always makes me think of pining Pran, Heather by Conan Gray also gives huge Pran in episode 4/5 vibes. Alas I can’t think of one that screams Pat though I know I have thought that about songs before. No doubt I’ll be listening to a playlist tomorrow and be like “oh yeah, this one!”

idk anything else you want us to know?

So out of the 494,256 words I’ve written on AO3 over an 11 year period, 426,682 of them were written in the last 3 years and all for the Bad Buddy fandom. If that doesn’t encapsulate both my obsession and love of this show, I don’t know what does haha

Now who to tag?! I can't tag everyone so going with people I'm not sure if I've seen do this yet, though no pressure for anyone! @lurkingteapot @galauvant @snimeat @loveongsa

[spaceorphan18]

Not sure if this makes sense, but is there anything regarding Klaine that your opinion has significantly changed on since the show ended/you last analyzed the show?

It makes absolute sense, Nonny! And it's a great question!

It's interesting because I'm not sure that opinions have necessarily changed, but the context in which I have opinions has changed? Which - is a thought that probably doesn't make much sense but...

I've been thinking about it. My relationship with the show has gone through phases. When I first watched the show, I didn't think much of it, because I didn't like it all that much. And then falling in love with the characters and intaking everything, and I feel like during that time, especially since the show was still airing, you had gut reactions and instant feelings and you had to defend those feelings because other people would come at you and it was intense, etc, etc, etc.

And then after the wash of feels, getting into meta. And let me tell you, Nonny, doing deep analysis of a thing -- it fundamentally changes how you are with that thing. I feel as though I took Glee apart and put it back together again and looked at just about every angle and it kind of solidifies how you feel about it? And, that's not to say I'm not open to new takes or hearing new people talk about it -- but it is fascinating watching people get to the same conclusion on things you've had figured out ages ago.

I think if I were ever to go back and do meta again on the show, though, one thing I'd do is make sure I'm addressing a bigger context? I was so narrowly focused when I did the Kurt-meta, that I think I sometimes missed things. That it was important, sometimes, to branch out and talk about -- not just Blaine (Which I often did) but the Rachel or Santana or Mercedes or whatever, and I didn't dig in to the greater context sometimes as I should.

But anyway, I think I'm in a different stage now? I feel like when you have such an intense relationship with something, it kind of stays with you. Like, Glee feels like it's a part of me, a part of my make up. But there's very much a distance to it now. And I'm okay with that. I've made my peace with a lot of things. I've made my peace that the show was incredibly imperfect, but still very much had value. And it feels weird to watch new people play with the show in ways that are unfamiliar to me, but I've made my peace with that, too, and respect that just a new group of people are going to interact with it differently than those of us who went through fandom when it was on the air.

And, I know you were looking for more specific things tied to, say, plot points, I'm sorry I went down a self reflective, indulgent, rabbit hole.

I don't know that my opinions really have changed all that much in the past decade. I think the meta and fanfic have given me the ability to deal with the show's misgivings. I appreciate Season 4 and 6 more than I used to, and have cool, ever so slightly on Season 5. (Nothing you say will get me to like Season 3 more - it's still terrible.) I think overall, the show just was never as good as its potential.

But mean, admittedly, it's really been a long, long time since I've sat and just watched through it. It has to have been years since I sat and just watched through the show, and really outside of doing music meta for Season 1, I haven't really watched a full episode in a long, long time. I have seen clips of things here and there for fic purposes.

So, Idk -- I think I've needed some distance, to allow me to really enjoy other things. But I also think I'm in a place where I'm open to doing a rewatch and seeing how I feel about it.

Idk, Nonny, that's kind of where I'm at!

[jolapeno]

jo sharing and caring

mental health awareness week starts in the uk tomorrow and this year’s theme is anxiety.

i know i share lots of nice stories, but after some convos the last few weeks, i realise i share very little (not just on here, but in my life) about my anxiety.

while i owe no one any of this, i just know when i was first wandering the trenches unsure what my brain was doing, i'd have loved someone to have shared their story. even if this terrifies me. so, because i advocate so much in my personal life, here's the curtain pulled back on jo, my struggles and anxiety.

TW: for talks of anxiety below

i face anxiety every single day, and have done diagnosed for several years, and undiagnosed for a lot longer.

the first time i think i had anxiety. i was young, less than 10 and i didn't want to go to my birthday party. i sobbed. i couldn't explain why, but there was something about going i did not want to do. my mum (bless her) tried to convince me otherwise, until i climbed into my little bed and begged her to not make me. each time she picked me up, i fought. when i got past the threshold of my bedroom door, i remember her telling me to breathe and i was panicking until i was sick.

when i was diagnosed, i had sessions with a therapist. we talked at length about my childhood and that moment was the first that i handed them without question. they nodded, scribbled (as they do) and we moved to another, and another, and when i told my mum all of this, she looked so heartbroken, because to her:

i'd always just seemed a bit sensitive.

i don't blame her. i was her first child, and for the most part, in my bedroom playing make-believe i was happy. as i got older, that happiness was harder, and i began to mask how i felt, eventually bursting into uncontrollable tears for no reason and being dubbed 'over sensitive'.

i got so good, i sometimes don't know when to put that mask down. even now, I hide behind jokes and disguise the broken days in pieces of my writing. sometimes, they’re far easier to spot (narrows eyes at a few pieces), sometimes they’re not. there are days I am on here, I am not okay and there are others where I am more than okay. there’s no pattern, no reason. I may reblog differently, but I like to act the same. put up a front, and put others at ease—i want to be there for people, be a support, a rock... 

but, that means I am not always honest. 

I don’t like to show that I’m crumbling from imposter syndrome, that I don’t feel talented or good enough. and i think it allows people to make assumptions that I’m put together, that i’m confident and strong, and the last person who deals with horrid thoughts. 

i'm not saying this so people treat me differently or change their perception, and i'm not sharing for brownie points or for people to flood my inbox, but rather because the first day someone first told me all of this, i felt a little less alone.

i wouldn't have had that without writing. they first slid into my DMs about my writing all those years ago, told me how my work made them feel and i felt... seen? happy. and we began talking and it was like someone was living inside of my brain.

and, what linked us, is writing. it's one of the things I've found that had truly helped me. it has always given me an escape—and because of it, I've had the amazing chance to meet so many friends who have become lifelong.

at the beginning, i was bad. and that is me objectively saying that. I’m self taught. I’m on the scale of dyslexia. I don’t know where to put a comma to save my life. but, I kept going, and still do. and it was hard, even more so working with other to better myself and take critique when my brain just kept telling me to quit. some times, i even did. closed my laptop and told myself i'd never write again.

i always ended up going back on it.

somewhere, still on the internet is those first years of fanfics, for a fandom i don't partake in, living their somewhat-best-life.

and this isn't to say i’m perfect now. but i am a work-in-progress. i try, and i find joy in creating and sharing.

at the time, and even now, it’s not how ‘good’ I think I am that gives me a spark to carry on. but rather that writing gives me a place to process, to try and channel the overthinking into linear thoughts I can process. characters guide me down paths to acknowledging I’m hurt, that i’m sad, that I am overwhelmed and even angry. 

there are more than a handful of stories that have bled from me, tears on the phone screen as I sobbed, shoving the pain into tales that you may have read.

sometimes, reading those pieces back makes me happy that i can channel it into something pretty. make the anxiety feel less ugly to have and to carry. i also know when i don't write, i feel my brain get more full.

when i'm in a low-mood especially, writing is hard. and it's something my family use now to judge what scale i'm on by asking: 'what you been writing'.

because even to them I hide. i function, i show up, i often give far too much of myself to others even if I really want to ask people to help me. it’s the slight aversion to answering if I’m okay. It’s the way I’ll shift the convo to something someone has said. it’s that I’m masked my entire childhood that as an adult I lack the tools to be entirely honest. I put a smile on, I do well at my job and I’m able to talk to push myself to do things that terrify me. so I seem fine? 

but, mental health struggles can look different. and that's the point of this stupidly long post.

“you don’t seem like you struggle like me” “you post so much, you can’t really worry about it” 

no one means anything bad when they say the above. and worse of all, I laughed both of them off. because again, I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. 

but truthfully? …some days are really fucking hard. and I don’t admit that enough. and it isn’t because I worry you’d all judge me, but because I don’t like giving into it: the anxiety.

i don't want to admit out loud that i struggle all the time, not always big, and sometimes small. that I agonise. I worry. and each time I post anything here, I do so purposely close to my bedtime so I can logout. fear pounding through me that this will be the story where everyone turns on me. 

I worry that each interaction will be taken the wrong way. that I’ll make a connection, and it’ll change (all because one did years ago, got ugly, and it led to me not posting for over six months).

I keep myself awake that I said something wrong and people are mad at me. I replay over something from the day, churning over how I could have said it better, how I could have acted better. I’ll message friends in the middle of the night reminding them I love them incase I haven’t showed it in a while. 

and the one that most can relate to… I don’t feel good enough. I don’t think I’m worth anything. I have no value. not just here, but in my day job too. a thing which crippled my progress there for the last year until a writer I work with told me that if they didn’t think I could do it, they’d have told me—not to hurt me, but because it wouldn’t be fair. 

brain demons cloud the truth. and they cloud the progress you've made.

they cast shadows over things that bring us joy, purposefully, because it’s their job to isolate us. they’re purpose is to make me feel like I can’t write, can’t create—because it keeps them at bay. 

all of this is to say, if you’ve gotten down to this, people struggle similarly, but they can also struggle differently. 

mine, for example, feeds other things that I have to live with. it makes me sad, it makes me compulsive; it makes me overthink and it often makes me have anxiety attacks. there are days I don’t want to get out of bed, and some where I want to charge out of it so the day ends quicker. but, I’m not an expert. just a person living with anxiety with a side salad of depression and ocd. I’m just a person on this site you may know, or may have only just discovered.

i don't always show how broken i am, i don't always show that an ask has got to me or a conversation has worried me. i don't always ask for help, and i don't ever want to make anyone uncomfortable. i care more about what others think, and even less about myself; i'd rather stay up late making someone feel better, than ever begin to work through my own issues.

but that is me. all of it. as honest as you'll likely get. all beautiful, chaotic, anxious and a bit of a mess, that jo girl that writes.

which is why I have to remind you im not an expert. that if you’re struggling, talk to someone. a friend, a family member you trust, or a medical professional. 

while erupting into a fountain of tears on a poor consultant pharmacist hadn’t been the top of my todo list the day I began getting answers, I do not regret it. but I know that isn’t easy, and I know it’s not as simple for others to get that help. but if you can, try.

brain demons want you to feel alone, they want to isolate you, so don’t let them. they truly don’t begin to climb into the box they came from without a little help, whether that’s medical, writing, or a friend. 

thank you for coming to my jo talk, and I'll shut up now 🩷✨

[glygriffe]

Monthly fic list

Another month where I slowly (slooowly) went through some of the fanfics I have hoarded in the last year.

The road ahead is still long.

Supernatural

Closer than they appear: Dean and Castiel join Jensen and Misha in their universe and, looking at the actors being a happy couple, they figure out what they can have.... a story by Sunkenfox on AO3 (Dean x Castiel, Jensen x Misha) Illustrated by @xfancyfranart for DeanCas Reverse Bang.

Everything: a post finale fic by @mzwraum where the intimacy between Dean and Cas shows their more profound bond. (Castiel x Dean)

Untitled imagine: Sam gets worried when the reader doesn’t do a check in right after a hunt. By @supernaturalfreewill (Sam x Reader)

Map of the world: I finally started the first part of Down to Agincourt by @seperis on AO3, an End!verse fic where “the world's already over and all they're doing now is marking time until the end.” Eerie and compelling. (Dean x End!verse Castiel)

Other Fandoms

I hope you dance: A short Dark Angel's story, full of pain and loss seen through the POV of Alec, who might be able to fix himself one day, as Max always seemed to do for herself. By restive Nature, archived on A03. (past Alec x Max)

The star maker's name: A Good Omens fic from the POV of Aziraphale, where he sits at the Beginning of Time, looking at a certain nebula. By DreamOfAlexandria on AO3 (Crowley/Crawly & Aziraphale)