#when people feel safe enough in their environment to sleep more; to sleep Enough

[skunkes]

almost fell asleep on my parents bed in front of the heater after coming back in from the cold so i drew talon doing the same

[etherealspacejelly]

Some of my opinions, in no particular order

golf courses should be abolished. mini golf can stay. actual golf? no. golf courses take up so much water to maintain their grass, grass which, btw, is a monoculture and bad for wildlife. the area that golf courses take up could be used for affordable housing, or natural areas left to grow with wild native plants that are better for the insect populations. but nooo, we gotta use all this land so that stuck up rich people can play the most boring game ever invented. bullshit.

the police should be abolished. i would settle for defunding but really they just need to go.

children are people, treat them as such. kids have thoughts and feelings that are just as real and valid as yours.

on a similar vein, you are allowed to not want children, but that doesn't give you a free pass to hate kids or be mean to kids. they didnt ask to be here, be kind.

there should be a maximum wage. after a certain point, there is no amount of labour you could possibly do to Earn that much money. your workers earned that money, and you are stealing it from them.

there is a difference between millionaires and billionaires. when i say eat the rich im not talking about actors and musicians, im talking about people who are directly responsible for poverty, hunger, suffering, and homelessness around the world. people who hoard obscene amounts of wealth that No One could ever hope to spend in an entire lifetime and simply watch while minimum wage workers struggle to put food on the table and the elderly freeze in their homes.

sex ed should start in primary school, at an age-appropriate level. if kids are old enough to ask questions about sex, they are old enough to learn about it in a safe environment. they should be taught correct anatomical names for body parts (penis, vulva, vagina, etc.).

there should be more research into autism and ADHD in adults, this shit doesn't just go away when you grow up.

diagnostic criteria for disabilities, disorders, and mental health conditions should be written by people who have or have had these conditions. how is someone supposed to know if they have autism, for example, if the symptoms are written from the perspective of someone who has never experienced it?? doesn't make any fucking sense.

hostile architecture should be illegal. unhoused people deserve a place to sleep. or better yet, give them houses. there are literal studies done that prove that housing people saves the government money in the long run, so why aren't we doing that? make it make sense

edit: updated to add more clarity to the golf thing. didn't explain that one well enough and left some people confused

[cremedensada]

I’m gonna need general hcs on interactions with the boy next door… like what if we just moved to town and we first meet him as we’re moving in… Also can they be in like highschool? I don’t know if that’s already the gist but yeah. She’s moving in with her mom and he’s there…

Yandere Boy Next Door

sorry anon i think i went way to far away from what you wanted shdhdh also theyre senior high school students (grade 11 - 12) which is like, two preparatory years for college. so theyre adults bc im much more comfortable with that :33

btw his name is lukas !! he's named now

male yandere + gender neutral darling/reader

lukas is easily approachable - he's got that warmth about him that just draws people in. it's all practiced to maintain his popularity though.

he's also a huge people-pleaser, despite the fact he easily gets burnt out and has his social battery drained.

so when his mom asked him to be a dear and help the new neighbor's kid on their way around the school + neighborhood, he just couldn't say no

sure he's tired, possibly close to having another breakdown just thinking about being pestered by fellow students for answers to homeworks and other menial stuff, but he still manages to say yes and give her another perfectly practiced smile

when he goes over to the house next to theirs - the ones you moved in to, you had no lasting impression on him

now, don't be mistaken, he does think you're good looking but at the end of the day he'd much rather curl up in bed and sleep

so he puts up that perfectly crafted persona and invites you to head to school with him. a new environment is much easier to deal with when you're not dealing with it by yourself! (or something like that)

he tries not to be overbearing, trying to get you to open up while also making sure he's respecting your boundaries and comfort as you made your way inside the school gates

you don't share the same classes, so he asks you for your time table so he knows your schedule

he hopes he's not being creepy or anything, he's just making sure your first day transferring here goes well

sure he's known for being a caring person in general but he does feel like it's his responsibility to make sure you're doing well you know? you're neighbors now, you guys should get along!

it's smooth sailing until it's time you guys finally went home

like that morning, he waits for you and invites you to walk home with him to familiarize with the shortcuts and local lounging spots for students

all the while he tries to get you to talk about your experience today

it must be due to the amount of stress piled up on his plate that lead him to feel... nervous.

his perfect persona cracking as his calm demeanour and collected way of talking slowly devolved into nervous tangents talking about anything at all

were you displeased? his perfection was practiced and polished since he was a kid, was it still not enough for you?

he could handle disappointing people a lot better now but paired with his currently leaning towards unstable, your displeasure is something that's slowly tearing him from the inside

he's jolted out of his thoughts when you suddenly speak up.

"thanks for showing me around. i thought i was going to struggle getting used to things all by myself."

you smiled up at him. "so... yeah. you're... okay."

his heart thumped.

everywhere all around him feels a ton of degrees warmer.

"...okay." lukas was tongue tied.

on the remainder of the journey back home, he walked you to your house, ensuring you got inside safely before making a beeline towards their house and into his room.

normally at this hour he'd be passed out in bed, tired after a whole day of pretending and smiling. today was perhaps the first time he didn't go to bed with his cheeks hurting and aching from smiling so much.

laying in bed, making an excuse as to why he's not going to be joining for dinner, just thinking about you and your words.

lukas grew up living to the standards of being perfect. a perfect son. a perfect student. a perfect friend.

anything less is... unacceptable to say the least. when you do or think of something so often in your day to day life, it becomes a habit. and lukas' habit is perfection.

but you thought he was okay.

okay.

suddenly 'okay' sounds much better than being perfect.

suddenly your opinion towards him becomes much more important than anyone else's.

lukas is a people pleaser, and onwards from that moment, the only 'people' he will ever want to please is you.

i hope this is sufficient? i'm actually v sleepy rn lol but thank you for the idea!

[whumpshaped]

Caretaker being a vampire with all its accompanying guilt and shame who wants nothing to do with their curse, and whumpee being someone with a torrential past with vampires. An odd duo, but they make it work. One night whumpee is a pacing, unable to sit still, pathetically trying to self-soothe, anxious wreck. Caretaker realizes they can, in fact, help quell the raging fear within whumpee’s gut by entrancing them for a little bit. Whumpee is a bit put off, but eventually accepts the offer out of sheer desperation to feel calm.

aka whumpee and caretaker taking a piece of their power back by whumpee letting someone take control in a safe environment, and caretaker taking control in a way that isn’t inherently inhumane.

tw vampire caretaker, dehumanisation, self-loathing, mind control

Caretaker tried their best to stay away from Whumpee as much as they could in the small cabin. They had found the poor human injured and barely conscious out in the snow just a week ago, and now that they were well enough to protest the care, they did so with all their might.

Thanks for saving me, but I don’t want a vampire anywhere near me.

Caretaker wished they’d had a retort, but there was nothing to say, really. It wasn’t like they would’ve wanted a vampire near them, and they were one themself. They simply agreed to stay as far from Whumpee (and their neck and blood) as possible until the snow melted enough for the road to be safe. After that, they’d go their separate ways.

“Is that… human blood?” Whumpee asked one day when they opened the fridge. Caretaker nodded mutely. “Wonderful. Just… wonderful! Am I gonna end up in the fridge?”

“I stole them from a hospital,” they admitted quietly.

“Even better! I wonder how many people had to die as a result of that.”

“I know you’d rather me starve to death,” Caretaker said a little bitterly. “It’s understandable. I get it. But can you just hold off on that sentiment for a few more days?”

“Sure. Anything to make you comfortable.”

The following evening was unbearably tense. Whumpee couldn’t sit still, they were pacing around the living room like a poisoned rat with extra anxiety. Caretaker had watched them from behind their book for at least half an hour before the idea popped into their head, and another hour before they dared mention it.

“I could help put you to sleep,” they offered gently. Whumpee barked out a laugh.

“Just what I need. I mean, being a mindless thrall is a step up from being anxious, isn’t it?”

Caretaker bit their lower lip and looked back at the pages. “I just thought I’d offer. Sorry.”

Whumpee scoffed. “Yeah, well, I’m not interested.”

As the hours passed, and Whumpee got more and more agitated, Caretaker noticed they started glancing in their direction more and more often. They looked like they were considering the offer. Caretaker didn’t say a word, though, not wanting to embarrass them or seem pushy. 

Eventually, Whumpee caved. “Fine.”

Caretaker blinked. “Fine?”

Whumpee rolled their eyes. “I’ll… I’ll let you use your hypnosis powers on me. I’m… really tired, and I just… I’m really tired. I can’t sleep. My feet hurt. If you can make it all go away, I’m… willing to give it a go.”

“If you’re sure,” Caretaker said carefully, setting their book aside. “It won’t make you a mindless thrall, I promise.”

“All the better.” 

The human took a few minutes to actually follow through and settle on the sofa next to them. They were stiff as a board, flinching violently when Caretaker tried to reach out and touch them.

“I thought you just needed eye contact?” they asked defensively. “Don’t touch me.”

“It works better with skin to skin contact. Quicker. Less time spent with me awkwardly staring into your eyes while you glare at me.”

“I don’t need it to work quickly. I just need it to work, and I need you not to touch me.”

Caretaker let their hand fall back into their lap. “As you wish. This should feel nothing but pleasant and soothing.”

They looked into Whumpee’s eyes, focusing on finding a way into their mind. It was difficult with how guarded and hostile they were, but they eventually found a little crack, a desire to be cared for and helped. 

“Is this it?” Whumpee asked, voice laced with cynicism. “I don’t feel anything.” Despite their words, Caretaker could already see them stifling a yawn.

“You will,” they said softly. “If you want to. And I think you do. All you want is some good, restful sleep.” As they poked around further, widening that crack and flooding Whumpee’s brain with peace and quiet, they realised Whumpee hadn’t slept too well on any given day in the past week. “And no wonder. You’ve been so restless. Were you scared to sleep?”

“Of course I was,” they said easily. Their voice had less of an edge to it, and they ever so slightly started leaning towards Caretaker. “I was in the same house as… as a vampire…” 

Caretaker tried reaching out again, and this time, Whumpee didn’t protest. The poor human felt so fragile as they guided them to lie down on the sofa, head in their lap, and Caretaker wondered how they’d managed to keep going until now. “There’s no need to be afraid anymore,” they cooed, carding their fingers through Whumpee’s hair as they talked. “You can rest now. I’ll keep you safe.”

“Safe…” they murmured.

“So safe. You just close your eyes and sleep, alright? I’ll wake you later, once you’re well-rested.”

[yesimwriting]

does bestfriend!felix leave with other girls anymore? i swear every time he leaves the party it’s either with reader or to go see reader

(i adore!!! your writing btw)

i see felix as someone that doesn't see hooking up with people as something that has to be a big deal emotionally, so while he likes bestfriend!reader he definitely still sleeps around, he just ends up seeming like even more of a player 😭

so let's talk about it

i can see him hooking up with girls at parties (bathrooms at clubs, bedrooms at house parties),, so he can still end the night with reader

he's also more likely to leave with someone if it's a night where reader didn't go out with him bc she had other plans, needed to do homework, went to visit family, etc

from time to time though, he definitely still wants to leave parties with girls

however,, i also don't think he'd leave reader at a party bc he knows that being left in that kind of environment would stress out/hurt reader more than him sleeping with someone, if that makes sense?? it's also not generally safe to leave your friend at a party, especially if they've been drinking, so i think he'd be a little too protective/aware to just leave reader there

so, from time to time, he does leave parties with other girls, but not before asking someone he really trusts to take care of reader,, i feel like once he gets close to oliver, he usually asks oliver to get you back to your room safe oliver is definitely messy about this and tries to make reader insecure as subtly as possible lmao,, but that's a whole other thing

let's not get it twisted tho!! if reader so much as implies she's genuinely upset about something or seems like she needs his undivided attention, that is the priority!! i feel like he's walked away from a potential hook up bc reader needed/wanted something 😭

he has definitely at one point brought reader back to her or his dorm, tucked her in,, and then said he was going back to the party for a little bit just to hook up with someone lmao he's so messy

also i think he'd be the type to start hooking up with girls that look a little bit like reader, not in a crazy way, just randomly develops a preference for girls with reader's hair/eye color, maybe girls that are around the same height as reader, etc

i also think he'd seem like more of a player bc he'd start to leave even sooner after hookups to text/call reader to ask reader if she wants to come over,, and when reader inevitably says yes, he'll say he's already outside her dorm

if reader asks about what happened with the girl he left with,, i feel like he'd play off the interaction or tease reader about being jealous until she drops it

a few poor girls have definitely had to listen to some pretty love sick , tipsy ramblings about reader before hooking up with felix 😭,, omg could see this being how felix realizes he's in love with reader, like a girl he's about to hook up with is like um...pretty sure you're in love

also, we know that felix is easily jealous/a little petty, so is definitely more likely to go home with someone else if he feels like reader wasn't giving him enough attention

this is a tiny bit off topic,, but has definitely (jokingly, but not really) offered to hook up with reader (bc most sexual things aren't a big deal to him,, so why not help each other out as besties?? no other reason 👀)

if reader is like umm i'm not too sure about that one,, no matter how jokingly the offer came off, he'll reluctantly find someone else to hook up with and reader will still not notice that that could have been her!!

anyways, this was a lot longer and more chaotic than i thought it'd be,, hope you still enjoy it 😭🩷,,

if you have any thoughts on this pls feel free to share :))

[lazycats-stuff]

Hi!! Can you do a Batfamily x reader where he has like magic powers and is very reserved and after he gets hurt in a fight he goes to Dick and asks for a hug and calls him his brother for the first time and dick is so happy that he gets to be the first person reader opens up to and reader ends up sleeping in Dick’s room and it’s like the first time he’s ever fully relaxed and he just feels safe with his older brother (lots of brotherly fluff basically) Thanks!!!!!

Aww... That's cute. You got it.

Summary: (Y/N) opens up to Dick.

Warnings: fluff, unspecified injury, reserved reader, Dick is just happy that (Y/N) is opening up.

Dick loves all of his little brothers. Some would say that he loved Damian more than the others, but that wasn't true. Damian was just reserved and Dick wanted him to open up to them, to not think that emotions are a weakness.

And that's when (Y/N) came. Bruce found him in a lab, being experimented on. From what Bruce could figure out about (Y/N) and the files he found, he was kidnapped from his home in a world that he couldn't even pronounce.

How the scientists knew where to look, he couldn't figure it out, but what mattered now is that (Y/N) is in a stable environment. Even with people who dress like a bat and birds.

Dick knew it would a challenge to get (Y/N) to feel comfortable. There was so much emotional turmoil in (Y/N)'s mind and he often exploded with anger.

Dick knew very well that anger was just a cover. Sarcasm too. Damian and (Y/N) have rivaled each other when it came to sarcasm. Alfred sometimes joined in and everyone tried to stay away when that was happening.

Jason thought he has died again and ended up in hell when he witnessed it for the first time. He simply turned back on his heel and walked back to his room.

Tim just looked at his coffee, assuming that it was spiked. It was either that or he just stayed up long enough to think that this is a bad hallucination.

Bruce just powered through it, getting his coffee, talking to (Y/N), trying to open up. The mere thought about training is off the table, afraid that it would trigger something.

So he called Zatanna and Doctor Fate. They are very experienced in what they do and magic teaching is not something that Bruce does with his kids. He knows a little bit about magic so what could he teach (Y/N)?

(Y/N) didn't want to show it, but he was nervous. He always masked himself with a mask of anger and sarcasm. He didn't like being taught everything about magic. More so when he was back in the lab being experimented on.

It was painful and he didn't want to think about those times. He blocked those memories to the best of his ability. Sometimes they would come when he was sleeping and he just couldn't sleep afterwards.

He felt to raw, too exposed and too vulnerable to go to bed, afraid to go to sleep in the fear of being taken once more. He knew his world, his home is destroyed. He tried to find it, but he couldn't. He couldn't go back now.

He was stuck here and there was nothing he could do. He heard about Batman from his captors and he didn't like him though to how dark he was, well, appeared to be dark. (Y/N) didn't like it a first, but then saw how strong Batman was.

No powers and more so a human. A human who fought alongside Gods and aliens. Now that is an accomplishment.

(Y/N) still remembers the day he was saved. He was weak from that day of testing and couldn't even move from the drugs he was forced to take and not to mention the fact that he overused his powers. He remembers the yelling, smell of smoke and somebody embracing him and the two flying upwards to avoid the flames.

At the time he didn't know Superman either so he was quiet and he tried to get out of his hold, but Superman held him tightly. He passed out from exhaustion and the next time he woke up was in a soft bed, where it was warm.

He was confused, but was just happy that he is nowhere near the lab. He was always tense whenever anybody came in and was sarcastic. He couldn't let his guard down. He knew that when he does drop his guard, he will be in the same situation as before.

Superman tried to talk to him, Zatanna has tried, but none of them had success. (Y/N) didn't want to open up and Bruce understood that. Bruce offered to take him home with him, where he could start his healing.

The next thing that (Y/N) knew, he was in a city that was named Gotham, in a manor outside of the city, but within the city bounds, surrounded by nature...

It was a big change for (Y/N). Add in on the fact that he got about five more people, six if you include Bruce, to live with. He wasn't a fan of people and everyone was slightly suspicious at first, but they grew to like him.

(Y/N) didn't grow to like anybody. He just tolerated them and accepted the fact that he won't be leaving this manor for a long while. He was suspicious of everyone and didn't trust them just yet. He will need to take his time trusting and everyone knew it. Dick knew it all to well.

Dick was the one who strived to get (Y/N) as comfortable as possible, doing everything in his power to do so. Damian has been a great practice for the other future siblings that may or may not be traumatized.

And emotionally reserved.

Dick helped (Y/N) with his anger outbursts. Dick knew all to well that it was just a cover for other emotions. Again, Damian. He knew that sarcasm is the best form of defense in casual situations and Dick quite enjoyed (Y/N) sarcasm. Pair it with Damian's sarcasm and you have the best sarcasm duel.

And if Alfred decides to join in... Well, then it's an absolute shitshow and it's the funniest thing ever. Tim and Jason are thinking that it's just an illusion or hallucination.

Nothing in between.

Dick laughed so hard that day that he nearly pissed himself. Dick could clearly see that (Y/N) enjoyed the banter too, but he was too proud to admit it. Damian was finally happy that somebody could match his sarcasm.

(Y/N) has been living with them for a little over a year now and Dick could see that (Y/N) got more comfortable. Zatanna and Doctor Fate were helping too and every time (Y/N) came back to the manor from the training session, he seemed more relaxed and happier.

It seemed that his nervousness slowly started fading away. Bruce was happy with himself. He had to thank Zatanna and Doctor Fate for allowing (Y/N) to open up, even if it's just a little bit. (Y/N) deserves a happy life, just like any normal human. Well, any being deserves to be happy.

Not just humans. Even magical creatures.

Since six months ago, (Y/N) had started going on patrol with them. He used his powers as his weapon and (Y/N) had to admit, it was fun. It's a lot of fun with the others, but (Y/N) was still reserved in his communications.

Dick saw that (Y/N) was getting more and more relaxed whenever they were just on and about in the city. Damian made sure to show (Y/N) his spots where Damian feeds the strays. And of course, he introduced (Y/N) to his strays.

It was all fun until tonight. It was a tough night from the start. The rouges were acting up from the beginning and there were kidnappings, robberies Riddler's shit and (Y/N) hated the fact that he had to deal with Riddler.

He loved to solve riddles and put puzzles together, but not when the Riddler is involved. He hated the man's ego and just wanted to put him somewhere out of this city.

Then it was Penguin who was selling weapons, drugs and organizing fights. Bruce has been on him for months on end and tonight was the night to get him and it was time to put him away.

Somehow Penguin had Solomon Grundy and (Y/N) has just had enough of off everything that night. The others shared the same sentiment, but Dick tried to rally them all together to keep everyone on their A game.

It didn't work well as night progressed. Somehow Deathstroke got involved, saying he got paid to so and (Y/N) wanted to rip his head off. Bruce took care of Deathstroke, although it was a difficult fight, he still won.

Most of the Gotham Rouges were in prison, including Deathstroke. Bruce was only thankful that Joker is not out and about. He thanked God at one point. He didn't have any stamina for anymore at this point and adrenaline has slowly been slowing down.

Slowly but steadily.

(Y/N) has felt it too. When adrenaline slowly vanished, (Y/N) could feel it deep in his bones. His body ached and then he noticed a stab wound. It wasn't deep, but it still hurt and throbbed.

It burned a little bit too, but all in all it was manageable. (Y/N) didn't let everyone know when they got back, but he went to his room to patch himself up. He didn't feel that comfortable to let someone dress his wounds.

He can do it himself, but... He didn't want to be alone tonight. The night has been draining mentally and he is beyond exhausted. Beyond. He used his powers too much and he just needed some rest.

He thought about going to Dick and his room. Will Dick accept him for going? Will he allow him to sleep in the bed with him? Well, he will get over the fear of rejection and go see Dick.

And that's what he did. He healed his wound before going and then walked down the hall. He knocked before entering. Dick looked up from his phone with a brow raised.

" What's up (Y/N)? " Dick asked.

" Can I stay with you tonight? " (Y/N) asked shyly and Dick nodded, scooting over, raising the covers. (Y/N) closed the door and just laid down next to Dick, who cocooned him into the covers. (Y/N) silently hugged Dick and Dick was over the moon.

(Y/N) is finally fully relaxed, both mentally and physically. Dick wanted to coo at him, but choose not to. He didn't want to ruin the moment with his cooing.

" Thanks Dick. For making me feel like your brother. " (Y/N) admitted and Dick melted inside.

It took everything in him not to lose it and outright coo at (Y/N). Every fiber of his being.

[cassandrasimplex]

Listen, when I say, as an abuse survivor, that Astarion's storyline is written with care, delicacy, and profound understanding: Since I completed it a few days ago, which I found incredibly cathartic and fulfilling due to points of commonality with the nature and causes of my CPTSD, I've been sleeping 7-8 hours a night straight through (instead of 3-5 at a time), my resting heart rate has dropped almost 10 beats per minute, I've had zero nightmares (based not just on what I remember but also on how much I move and talk in my sleep), and my fitness tracker wants to know what I've been doing different lately and whether I can keep it up.

I don't expect this change to be permanent or even long-lasting, but not even months of therapy at a time have ever had a positive effect so strong my tracker picked up on it. Not even when I was in crisis mode and only able to sleep 2 or 3 hours a day was therapy able to improve my sleep and my well-being so immediately. Astarion's storyline from finding Cazador's prisoners to the final confrontation, which took me a bit over an hour, did. If you want to count all the narrative build-up to that climax that gave it meaning, call it six weeks' investment for such a dramatic improvement.

The idea that trauma-aware roleplay can help people with PTSD and especially CPTSD find short-term peace and even a long-term improvement in overall functioning and mental health isn't new to me. I stumbled across it on my own, unguided, 30+ years ago. It's a bit newer to most therapists, but it's an approach used in experiential therapy and some related strategies and had been studied for much longer before its incorporation in such toolkits. But BG3 isn't being sold as therapy; it's being sold as a fun video game to play in one's free time.

The thing about CPTSD and recovery from abuse in general is that you have to practice new ways of reacting to the world. Therapies like cognitive behavior therapy focus on helping the patient replace old, maladaptive patterns of thinking that helped them survive a traumatic situation but hinder functioning in safer environments with intentionally-created ones that would have been too dangerous to practice in the traumatic environment but are healthier and more supportive outside it. These patterns have to be practiced, though; it's not enough to just correct yourself once with a more affirming statement and wait for results. You have to do it over and over until it becomes your new default. And results matter. If practicing the new behavior or thought results in the kind of negative outcome it would have prompted in the original abusive situation, the effect is that the old, maladaptive pattern is reinforced instead: "See? I knew acting that way would be too dangerous. I knew thinking that way would just be lying to myself. I already know what's best. The way I've always behaved in order to survive is what serves to keep me safe."

Which is why Astarion's storyline is both so effective and so astonishingly well done. Over and over, you get the chance to reassure him that your friendship is not merely a set of opportunistic transactions, that you don't want to control him, that you see him as a person rather than a puppet or a tool, that he can refuse to manage your feelings for you or even outright hurt your feelings without being "punished" for it. You can comment out loud to him when you catch him being manipulative and tell him that's not how your friendship works while still accepting and supporting him as a person, as a friend. You can make your friendship with him an environment completely opposite in nature to his relationship with his abuser. You can teach him -- and, if you need it, yourself -- what a safe environment looks like. And you can teach him that his abuser's behavior was successful in an environment created specifically to reserve all power for the abuser, but doesn't serve as well outside that situation, to encourage him to find healthier ways of dealing with the world than the ones that were modelled for him within that trauma. (Am I projecting? Of course I'm projecting; that's precisely what makes roleplay such an effective tool. It's a natural human tendency that can be used to advantage.)

And somewhere in your psyche, if you're a person who needs to hear all that as much as Astarion does, your mind is taking note: "How I thought the whole world works was wrong. Only that one little part of the world worked that way. The world is much bigger than the limited environment that hurt me. There are better ways to live and be." The parts of the brain where trauma plants its deepest roots can't tell the difference between play and reality, between past and present. They can't tell the difference between "I can make a safer environment for this person in front of me" and "I can go back in time and make a safer environment for the person I used to be." (That's why so many abuse survivors feel compelled to help other abuse survivors -- empathy, yes, and identification, but on a deeper level than that; we try to become the person who never showed up to help us.)

And if "this person in front of me" happens to be a fictional character, well, it can't really tell the difference between fiction and reality either -- especially when the fiction has a visible face and an audible voice and convincing expression in both.

I'm not in the slightest saying, "Go out and buy BG3 to fix yourself!" because using roleplay as therapy is far too highly personal and variable to expect consistent results from a script. There might be people whose trauma is reinforced by the same things that spoke so soothingly to mine. Larian is a video game company, not a therapist. But I can't get over the way a video game company for fuck's sake has created such a sensitive, tender, supportive story that it can even accidentally function this way. They didn't have to go so hard. They didn't have to lean so far into empathy. They didn't have to bring so much realism into it. They could have just told an interesting story. They did tell an interesting story -- but someone here decided they needed to tell it so well, so powerfully, that they were going to need to know exactly what living through events like those would do to a person, and how a friend would have to act to support that person in working toward happiness and health.

Well fucking done, Larian. Extremely well fucking done.

And although I can't reasonably expect the current effects to last, I can carry something lasting from here on; I can add "What would I say to Astarion right now?" to the list of questions I ask myself when triggered, when I realize I'm experiencing an implicit flashback. What would I say to Astarion? What would I say to a friend? What would I say to someone I care about who's been through the same things I have? What would I say to myself if I thought I deserved to be happy and free?

[noyoyoy]

I figured I’d give SOME oversight on Simon and M/n since my blog will probably focus a lot on him.

If you’d like me to go into detail with the two, I will, just let me know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tw: mentions of abuse, alcohol. infidelity, age gap, blood, and murder.

Additional information:

While growing up, M/n hadn’t experienced love he deemed real. Parents always fighting, cheating on one another and screaming. Siblings never around, old enough and moved out already starting families, I guess it’s safe to say M/n was a mistake in his parents eyes. It caused M/n to hide in his room, isolate and never go out, failing school, no hobbies, just laying in bed all the time on his phone, sleeping, or crying, scared he’d one day act the same as the people he grew up with. You are your parent’s child after all.

M/n’s first ‘real’ relationship lasted more or less 3 years, it’s been so long he doesn’t remember how long he was with her. She was always talking to other guys and girls, arguing with him when she never did anything for him. But he was 13 when they started dating, 16 when they broke up due to her cheating on him. Yeah that didn’t feel good, he was always raised to be a man. Never cry, don’t show emotion, don’t be weak. But he was. M/n was sensitive by nature, growing up in a toxic environment didn’t help either, he couldn’t handle being yelled at, storms, loud noises, or confrontation without getting emotional, he couldn’t help it, he didn’t know why.

M/n and Simon overview:

When he met Simon at 18 after moving out, they bonded fairly quickly for growing up in a similar way (without the murder of his family.) They didn’t talk often, Simon being in the army was the main reason why, he didn’t have his phone often, but one perk is he let M/n stay in his home while he was gone since he had nowhere to go. Simon enjoyed coming home to someone, anyone, a friend he knew felt the same way. Since the incident when he was a teenager, he hadn’t felt any security other than the army. The blood, fighting, not having to care about what other people thought of him because he scared everyone away with his demeanor and stance. M/n made him feel again, he always had a smile on his face when Simon walked through the door, normally cooking or making Simons apartment more cozy and homey. (He asked don’t worry)

When M/n turned 19 Simon started to hang out with him more and more, talking together, cooking together, eating, even reading together in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. They both had to admit, it felt good to be at peace, no screaming, blood, gun fire. Just silence, the sound of pages turning and the smell of Pine in the house, curtesy of the candle M/n bought.

First realization:

M/n knew he liked men more so than women, his mother and last relationship blew that out the water for him. He had a fling with a man at one point during high school but it didn’t last long due to how his father acted when he found out. He was.. angry. He didn’t raise a .. homo as he would say, granted he didn’t raise him at all. M/n would never say that to his face. But with Simon.. he made him feel safe. Was it because he was older? Or the fact that he was capable of killing people as a living. Eh maybe both.

Simon never had a relationship. Growing up with a mother who worked all the time, mostly absent trying to provide for her family, while her husband and his father was a drunk who tormented him in any way possible. All he had was Tommy. Had. When he arrived home to the house disheveled, the tree knocked down, ornaments broken, glass on the floor. He knew something was wrong. And this wasn’t a ‘dad is drunk again’ wrong this was… wrong. Wrong. A wrong that made his heart sink to his feet, a wrong that made him sweat, and lose his breath. Walking through the house as quietly as he could, he stopped in the kitchen and froze at what he saw. His mother, lying on the floor, a hole in her shoulder and what looks like another wound of a knife in her side and chest. He stared at it for what felt like hours. He didn’t even want to go through the rest of the house, scared at what he’d find.

He doesn’t talk about anything else after that. Never going further and into depth about what else happened that night. Only saying that he fled and never looked back.

They might be broken and trying to piece each other together, but at least they are together. Safe, happy, and well, together. He vowed when they started dating that he’d never involve M/n into the affairs of the 141. The 141 would never know about him, no one would ever know about him. Unfortunately that changed when they got married. Having to talk to laswell about not telling price or anyone else about him. It took… much persuasion but she did keep her word. Blanked out the section where M/n’s information would go, before printing and putting it in his file.

He’ll be damned if something were to ever happen to M/n. He was his husband, and just because he doesn’t wear the mask around him, doesn’t mean he won’t bring Ghost into his life if it ment keeping him safe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I write fast. I have nothing better to do these days.

[rudeflower]

JESS ANGST SCHOOL ANGST COMPLEX TRAUMA ANGST

In Keg Max! Principal Merton tells Jess he has missed 31 days of school. Now that makes him a chronic truant for sure, it means he's missed more than 10% of the school year, the standard school year is 180 days. Let's say there's 10 days left in the school year.

That's a LOT of school to miss. Young people improbably here, do not miss that much school

But relative to what we're being told about Jess, it's a weirdly low number? Jess never goes to school!!!! He's working 10000 hours at Walmart instead of going to school no school never heard of him!

That means that Jess attended school 139 days. Most schools I've worked with define that as a certain number of hours attended, more than half the day. So even if he was skipping that's 139 days he went to more than half the day NOT GOOD AT ALL BUT

Even after he was eighteen (early in the school year) he still laced up his boots and showed up somewhere he hated at saw no point in going to WHY!!????

First of all this is actually a ridiculously overcommitted young person let's at least acknowledge that.

He works before school at Luke's, and he works in the evenings too, closing up at 11:30 in one episode. Not just filling coffee mugs anymore. By season 3 he's closing alone, keeping tabs on the delivery schedule and capable of (furiously) running the morning rush alone.

AND he's working 45 hours a week at Walmart doing physical work, AND (poorly) maintaining a romantic relationship, AND reading obsessively, AND YES GOING TO SCHOOL! Jess starts working at Walmart in November (if you treat the air date as the canon date with the show roughly does), combined with Luke's it's probably 60-65 hours a week and still went to school 139 days!

He's making ridiculous choices because he is a tiny little fool but also has a trauma soaked brain

Jess chooses to be maxed out every minute of his life because he cannot tolerate being unoccupied, like a lot of people with complex trauma (and ADHD and Autism and more all of which could apply to Jess but rn I am talking about complex trauma)

When someone is used to chaos in their environment they actually feel less safe when things are quiet and still. It leads to someone who needs to have their RAM at 100% every waking AND sleeping moment

So they work 65+ hours, go to school most days, and they

cannot relax without extreme stimulation AKA needing the music on to sleep

Walk while reading because walking and looking ahead isn't enough is not occupied enough need more occupied

and starts reading the second he's stops talking to someone or using his hands to do something else. Reading as default in any given second.

He reads compulsively, no matter how chaotic the environment.

Reading ALSO isn't enough must be annotating and analyzing too passive reading is NOT ENOUGH

So Jess would rather show up at school for 139 days where other people are moving around, where there are fights to get into and classes to move to and from, even after he's an adult and Luke wouldn't find out that he isn't showing up. He'll show up to a test just to be in the classroom, not to take it.

This is not mentioning what I'm too lazy to screencap, that he's always doing something. that especially when he's talking to Luke Jess is constantly and doing things with his hands constantly.

There's really only one time we see Jess sitting still doing almost nothing

But not really nothing because smoking really is something.

My dude needs to be as occupied as possible from the time he wakes up all the way up to and including when he falls asleep to stay occupied and all that he's got on hand is going to a school that says the pledge of allegiance in six different languages then he will go! It's 100%%% occupation or the horror of possibly relaxing and WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN

[sourpatchys]

Tea prompts; Daryl Dixon

You can find the original prompt post here!

These are really fun! Let me know if there are any other characters you’d like to see!

Warning: none! This is completely SFW! (Surprising I know, but I love soft Daryl!)

A/n: F!reader! I know I usually make my works GN, so I apologize in advance, but this is very AFAB leaning, I hope you can still enjoy!

Guidelines Masterlist Daryl!Masterlist

Lemon tea; What are mornings like with them?

Groggy is probably the best word to describe it. Daryl wakes up at the crack of dawn— ready at start the day and get moving as soon as his eyes open.

He’s going to try his best not to wake you, he loves to watch the twitch of your eyelashes and the peaceful look on your face. Though— sometimes— even being as quiet as he possibly can, the lack of warmth beside you wakes you anyways.

Those are the days where he decides to crawl next to you again, running his fingers through your hair and trying his damndest to lure you back to sleep.

He doesn’t want you to face the world and he doesn’t want that peaceful look in your face to disappear once you open your eyes.

He always leaves a kiss on your forehead, whispering sweet nothings into your ears before departing. His raspy morning voice always creating a bubble around you, like a soft blanket from your childhood, wrapping you tight.

—

Peppermint tea; What do they get exited about?

Surprisingly enough, it doesn’t take much to get Daryl excited.

He’s skeptical of everything and he doesn’t trust anyone, but one good dinner, one good catch or a warm, perfectly tempered, night is just enough to make him forget all the bad in the world for a few seconds.

Food especially gets him going. He’s become a sort of provider— he’s good at what he does and he takes pride in his ability to feed those he cares about. If it’s a good meal, one that has people patting him on the back, he’s going to get a little giddy.

And outwardly he may not show it— too embarrassed to display how absolutely amazing he feels— but inside he’s chucking his heels in victory.

—

Chamomile tea; What is their sleep schedule like? Does it change around their s/o?

Daryl doesn’t have much of a sleep schedule.

He prefers being awake and alert when you’re on the road, and can go days without a wink and still be able to function perfectly fine. (Albeit a bit more grumpy and reserved)

He’s also a light sleeper, any noise, dangerous or otherwise, can wake him up in the blink of an eye.

If there’s a safe place to stay— such as the prison or Alexandria— he sleeps like a baby. Never a full eight hours, but five or six get the job done well enough.

With you that doesn’t change much.

If you’re on the road together he prefers to stay awake the entire time. If you wanted to stand guard to allow him to sleep he’d definitely fight you on it—claiming he wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing you were out there by yourself. (even if he was only a couple feet away)

When you’re together in a safer environment, with a bed and walls to protect you, he sleeps a bit deeper. The sound of a pin dropping wouldn’t wake him, so long as your warm body is pressed against him he’s content— he’s safe and he knows you are too.

—

Earl grey tea; How did they court their s/o?

Courting is a strong word— much too strong for how Daryl and you became a couple.

He did nice things for you, finding and giving you things he thought you would enjoy whenever he went on runs. But he never let himself truly feel that unfamiliar pull of affection.

Truly, he didn’t believe that he could protect you or that he deserved you at all.

It didn’t take long for the others no notice. You were always on the back of Daryl’s bike, he was always gifting you fun rocks and he’d somehow always manage to find your favorite candy on runs.

He didn’t court you— he simply gave more of himself to you than anyone else— until eventually you got the hint.

—

Milk tea; what are their kisses like?

Kisses with Daryl have phases.

Sometimes, he gives you short pecks, tingling your face with the scratch of his beard for only a millisecond before pulling away.

Sometimes they’re deep, enthusiastic, and oh so full of life. Harsh presses full of static— he wraps his arms around you and swings you around— completely unwilling to let go, uncaring of who’s watching or what anyone will think.

And sometimes, his kisses feel like a waterfall, so delicate and beautiful. These kisses are full of passion, they thrive in the moment and they prove to the both of you that— you are alive— and you’re alive together.

—

Coffee; Do they get jealous easily? How do they show it?

Yes and no. Daryl doesn’t really care what you do, who you hang around or how you act— in the grand scheme of things he’s probably the most lax partner you could ever have.

However, he does fear for others impact on you. In his mind— if someone were to tell you that he wasn’t good enough— maybe you’d believe them. Maybe passing comments and disgusted looks would drive you away from him.

He trusts you— mind body and soul— but in doing so he also fears his trust.

He’s jealous in the way— where if someone were to make a move on you, touch you in a way he didn’t like— he’d talk to you about it first. He values your opinion, even if that opinion could hurt him in the end.

If you were uncomfortable, if you also didn’t like the way you were touched— he’d skin that fucker alive.

He has his outburst sometimes— where maybe a comment was just too much for him to handle— if he was already having a shitty day and it was just the cherry on top— nothing could hold him back.

He’s not the loud redneck that came for everyone’s throats in the beginning— but that part of him still lingers, and he’s not afraid to show his bark and his bite of the situation calls for it. Especially when it comes to his woman.

—

Rosehip tea; How romantic are they? How do they show affection?

Daryl’s a clumsy romantic. He’s going to try— of course he is— but that doesn’t mean he’s good at it.

He’ll bring you flowers and knickknacks, cook your favorite meal whenever he’s able— and he gives the best neck and back massages in town.

But in all honesty— he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing. He’s running on pure instinct, on what he thinks a girl would want. Just give him patience, give him time to understand you as an individual.

He’s interested in whatever hobbies you’ve managed to keep with you through it all— he wants to learn about you but he’s afraid to ask questions.

He’s touch starved, so once he’s comfortable enough he’s going to start holding you. Whether it be your hand, your thigh, or even an arm slugged around your shoulders.

All in all, he’s going to struggle, he’s going to mess up and he may even fight you on it— but he’s still going to do his best, because that’s what he thinks you deserve.

—

Black tea; What do they look for in a person?

Daryl stopped looking for a person a long time ago. When he was looking, all he really wanted was someone willing to care for him— someone he could trust.

He’s never cared much about looks, body type or even hygiene. Just a girl he could love and a girl who would love him in return.

Never in his life has he felt worthy— and he craves that feeling of validation so badly. All he really wants is someone who will stick by his side through anything and everything— someone who can look past his rough persona without him breaking it down himself.

He wants to be seen without worrying about being perceived.

—

Pomegranate tea; At what point did they know they lived their s/o?

It didn’t take long.

When it sunk in for him— when he truly realized that he had it, and that he had it bad. It was after he heard you laugh for what felt like the first time.

Being on the road and fighting for survival— there really wasn’t much room for laughter, joy or anything remotely positive. For months all anyone had done was keep their heads down, praying for a moment of clarity.

Once you had taken over the prison, that first night camped outside in the grass, you had laughed. Looking back he couldn’t remember why you were laughing, he couldn’t remember what joke was told or what amusing thing you may have seen.

But he does remember that twinkle in your eye, the way your nose scrunched up and the fullness in your cheeks. He remembers the sound of your laugh, so calming and innocent— so addictive and contagious.

After that, he couldn’t look at you the same anymore. All he could see was that scene replaying on memory like a scratched record doomed to repeat.

It gave him more than enough reason to keep going, and he decided then and there that his life’s mission would be to see that scene as many times as possible.

—

Matcha tea; How and when do they propose to their s/o?

As stated above— Daryl’s a clumsy romantic.

The longer the two of you are together, the more he’s going to realize just how much he wants it to last forever. (Or whatever time left the two of you have)

The way he would go about it wouldn’t be necessarily ‘correct’, he wouldn’t have a ring or a speech lined up— and he definitely wouldn’t ask you if you wanted to be ‘Mrs. Dixon’.

You’d probably make a joke about being his wife— claiming something along the lines of ‘happy wife happy life’, more to make yourself laugh than anything else.

He would brood over it, mumble some things under his breath and continue on— but he’d keep that little joking phrase in the back of his mind.

Then, in Alexandria— when it comes time for introductions— he’d beat you to it, calling you his wife and telling the townsfolk to stay the fuck away from you.

And from that point on— regardless of legality— you become husband and wife.

—

Chai tea; How do they spice up their relationship?

There isn’t much to do in regards of spicing up a relationship, especially at the end of the world.

However, Daryl always makes it a point to take you away from it all.

He designates spots for just the two of you no matter where the group may be. He’ll go on runs by himself just go he can find a quiet place for the two of you.

Sometimes it’s a field of wild flowers, other times it’s just a clearing in between a couple large trees— but it’s always something, and it’s always just for you.

No place is ever going to be entirely secure and safe, and he knows that, but if he can make even a little space of heaven for you— he always does— no matter how long he has to search for it.

—

Hibiscus tea; What’s their favorite place to take their s/o?

It’s not so much a place as it is an activity— but he loves to hunt with you.

Going out into the great outdoors, looking for game and just spending quality time with you.

Growing up, hunting trips were the only way he got to see the soft side of his father, and it was a huge point of relation between Merle and him as well. So being able to share that with you, even if it’s not something you would normally do on your own, it’s his absolute favorite thing.

In the times we’re he’s hunting with you, separate from the group as he’s following the trail of whatever animal is closest— it almost feels like he’s back in the old world again. Free from abuse and bad decisions— he feels normal. He feels content.

And when you’re by his side, he feels as though anything is possible.

—

Green tea; How do they comfort their s/o?

Daryl’s way of comforting, is story telling. He, as a person, has experienced many things in his life— before and after the collapse.

He wants you to know, whether you’re angry, sad or just frustrated, that you aren’t alone. He comforts with comparisons and large bear hugs. He’ll whisper stories from times lost and hold you so close you can feel his heart thumping as if it were in your own chest.

He doesn’t pride himself on his comforting abilities, it’s not something he ever had to worry much about— but with you— truly all he wants is to see you smile again.

He’s okay with making a fool out of himself just to see you crack a smirk, he’s okay with hugging you and holding you close for weeks at a time if that’s what you need— he’s okay with hurting anyone who’s wronged you and he’s okay with helping you seek revenge.

Daryl doesn’t care what it takes— words, jokes or violence— he will do anything so long as you feel better in the end.

—

Russian caravan tea; How experienced are they with relationships?

Not at all. Daryl has had flings, one night stands and maybe even a friend with benefits at one point or another. But a real genuine relationship, to be loved and love in return— it’s completely new to him.

He has no basis for what to do or what to expect, his mother and father weren’t exactly lovey dovey for the time they were together. Merle never had a girl of his own, treating women as nothing more than play things whenever he could get his hands on one.

He’s completely lost, and he’s too embarrassed to ask anyone else for advice. It’s trial and error! And he hopes— with everything in him— that you don’t mind how truly clueless he can be.

—

English breakfast tea; Would they want a family?

The short answer is yes— Daryl wants a family.

The long answer however, is that he’s terrified of what having a family would entail. He wants to have a child with you— he wants— no, he craves— that domestic bliss that he’s only ever felt with you.

He wants to hear the pitter patter of small footsteps running up to him, he wants to be woken up in the middle of the night because of nightmares, he wants to be a father.

But he’s terrified. He’s scared of being just like his own, he’s afraid of losing his temper, he’s afraid of his bad days and what that could mean for someone so small and vulnerable.

He’s scared for you— about what a pregnancy in this world could mean for you and the life you share with him.

He would never ask. Never once would the words ever escape his mouth, forever locked in his mind unable to be free.

If you were to ask however, if you also wanted that kind of life with him— no matter how afraid he may be— he would give it to you.

If you were to fall pregnant without prior discussion, if it were an accident and you were afraid. He would be your rock, doing everything in his power to save you from that darkness.

All Daryl really wants— is to have and experience life with you— no matter what that may entail.

—

Rooibos tea; what’s their favorite thing to do with their s/o?

As stated above— Daryl likes to hunt with you, bringing one of the only nice moments from his childhood to the surface and experiencing it with you.

However, besides that— he generally just enjoys being with you.

Holding you close, knowing you’re in his reach— he knows that at any moment you could be taken away from him— so any and every second he spends with you is pure unadulterated bliss.

[cannellee]

TOKYO REVENGERS OMEGAVERSE ★

୨୧ alpha! kokonoi x omega!gacha game addict

— his reaction to his omega being a huge fan of gacha games.

my masterlist : ☆

I lost the initial ask which didn't let me edit my draft, I had to erase it to start it over. luckily I didn't write that much so it wasn't a big loss!

btw sorry for the extremely looong pause😭 I just was too lazy to pick up any of my work and with holidays + christmas I was even more unmotivated to do anything😭😭

kokonoi doesn't necessarily dislike you spending that much time (and money) on gacha games, but he also doesn't particularly like it.

of course when he learns you're a huge fan he comes along with you, trying his best to understand what's the appeal and what got you so addicted.

still, he's unsure and sceptical. he might probably ruin your entire mood by mentioning how much of a waste of time they are.

but that's just at first!

despite his initial disinterest, kokonoi starts to warm up to the whole concept upon seeing his omega so thrilled by the games. he observes your features and actions every time you successfully win an item, and thinks that your enthusiasm is adorable.

of course, kokonoi being an alpha, he becomes very cautious and alert towards both you and your environment, especially if it seems potentially unsafe.

he's watching you and making sure people keep their distance while you do your thing. he would always make sure you feel comfortable and secure during your game session. he sees just how much joy it brings you and kokonoi doesn't want anything disturbing the strange satisfaction you get out of playing those.

while protective, he still respects your independence and won't act overbearing nor overly restrictive.

his soothing presence is very beneficial, whenever you get frustrated at your game, he offers you great support and a calming presence. you're very thankful for that.

he'll try playing too, just because you asked! he might act a bit annoyed but trust me he's really amused by you and often even challenges you. he suggests bets, making the both of you compete between each other. kokonoi loves how excited you are to prove him wrong and that no, he won't pull the rare characters before you and that your experience in the field surpasses his so called "alpha luck".

he also loves to tease you and whenever you pull a male character, he'll act like it's the end of the world that you give him more attention than to your oh so perfect and loving alpha.

he'll call you his lucky charm each time he wins because he loves the blush it provokes on your cheeks. he jokingly pinches them and kisses your nose. his omega is the cutest!

more than anything, kokonoi is extremely thoughtful. he wants to surprise you and make his little omega smile. he often gifts you gifts related to your favourite gacha games, spending as much money as necessary to get you this rare in-game item you've been wanting.

kokonoi might also use his wealth to literally create a whole space dedicated to you and your interests. this way, having exclusive gaming places ensures him that you're at all time in a comfortable environment, while literally owning the place and erasing every limit you might have in a normal arcade.

you might even have a room of your own where you can rest and nest, right beside your favourite games! it would be all warm and cozy, specifically designed to your liking. kokonoi isn't keen on letting you sleep here rather than at his place, but he's reassured to know that at least you're somewhere made by him and safe enough.

now if kokonoi's part of bonten, he could make use of his incredible position to influence the gaming community and offer his sweet omega unique opportunities of her choice! you'll have access to exlusive previews and beta tests, private events and rare gifts!

he absolutely adores seeing you going crazy over gacha games that he doesn't even hesitate using his status to make you happy. his omega deserves the best! you can also expect him to collaborate with or finance game developers to create a content you'll 100% love because it's solely based on your very own interests and omega needs.

for example, he would personalize these machines, filling them with plushies you absolutely love, about your favourite characters (which were also previously scented by him), extremely rare figurines created especially for you, other cute decorations... you're basically living the dream and kokonoi isn't subtle about his adoration for you.

he'll spoil you to no end and he's shameless about it. you're his omega, his money is yours and he'll spend it without a care in the world for you. he's happy enough by just scenting you and smelling you let out your satisfied and soft pheromones!

[bonny-kookoo]

Yoongi

Lock Me Up | Short #3

In which he realizes that you might have become more than just a simple job to him.

Tags/Warnings: Detective Agust D my friends, Criminal Kitty!Reader, hybrid Yoongi, mentions of smut lol, major fluff

Length: Short (duh)

A/N: some dessert for my babies. You deserve the fluff.

-> Masterlist

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

It's not like Yoongi has never loved someone.

He has, a lot of people in fact. But he's never quite gotten involved with anybody to the point of relationship- his job and career had always been more important to him, up intil he was an adult, up until now. Looking at you sleeping next to him all.. sprawled out and relaxed as if there's nothing out there that could ever hurt you, it's like he finally asks himself that one question he never really had an answer for.

What does he really need to be happy?

It seems like an easy question to answer, but to this day, there's never been a good one that would solve this question for him.

As a young kid, he thought he needed to change in order to fit in better, make friends and be part of the cool kids. He thought that by doing all the things those children would deem as cool, he'd gain those connections and friends for the time being. He adopted this belief even until his late teens- until he finally realized that those friendships were nothing but fraud.

So as a young adult, he thought he needed a purpose in life, something to make him meaningful to others around him so that they had no choice but respect him-, so he went and got a good career. But he's still not quite happy.

He thought he needed a home, a stable environment just for himself where he can be himself and shut himself off from the rest of the world, if only for a moment. A place to call home, so to speak- so he saved up and bought this apartment just for himself, made it into the home he craved and never had.

But he's still not as happy as he wants to be.

You move around, slowly waking up pretty late as a result of your heat meds- yawning, but not quite awake yet as you instead rub your cheek against his shoulder, and keep your eyes closed. He wonders if you ever ask yourself that question too. He wonders what you would answer when asked what you needed to make you happy.

He knows that weirdly enough, in this moment, he's.. not happy, but more so content. Like this moment is really all he needs to be satisfied with his life.

He's aware that he's begun to like you. Like you as more than just a friend. And he knows, behind all your antics and teasing jokes, you're feeling the same way. The way you sometimes blush, how you can't look into his eyes no more, how you seek out his body at night- it's pretty obvious. And it's not your heat either, neither is it his own.

Sure, he's got.. lust for you as well, but most of it paints more romanticized dreams of him and you in his head whenever he lets those thoughts roam free.

It's not like he'd never seek someone out during his heat. And the sex would be good, sure- but what he wants with you is far away from the simple satisfaction of need that he'd want from anyone else during this time. He wants to kiss you, first of all- and he never kisses anybody, ever, period. But he also wants to hold you, make sure you're safe and happy, fuck you stupid until his muscles give out and all you can think of is him.

Until you're filled with him, his love, and drowned in his scent.

He wants you to be part of this home, part of his life, wants the domesticity of going to work and coming home to you waiting for him. You deserve a stable and safe life like this, he knows you're not a bad person despite your past run in's with the law.

The world around you has simply shaped you, just like the man at the restaurant had told him.

And if someone was to ask him again, right now as you snuggle into his side while his arm moves to hold you close, what's it to him-

He'd answer that it's everything.

You're everything to him.

Everything he needs to be happy.

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[balkanradfem]

My neighbour came to give me some gift apples for the holidays, and I had to explain to her that my apartment is cold because I turned off the heating in all rooms except the kitchen, to save on energy while my roommates were gone for the holidays. I put my mattress in the kitchen to sleep on the floor under the tree and the radiator.

She then came later to inform me that I should turn the heating back on, because we bills will be just the same, so there's no use saving, they charge us by the square meter. I reassured her that I already knew that, and didn't do it in order to lower my heating bill, but because I believe saving energy in any way is important, and because energy always comes at the cost to the environment, and I care for the environment so much I'm happy to do this even if it's just one drop in the ocean.

She frowned at me and told me I'm not doing anything, displeased with my naive spirit. I, in turn, remained sure that I'm doing the right thing, and my spirits still raised by the idea that I'm not wasting energy.

I actually have more reasons for doing it, and some of them are that I just wanna be used to and comfortable with sustainable living. People heating the entire house when they're not even using 80% of it, is a very recent, and wasteful development. People used to heat only one room in the house, and just sleep in that same room, next to the fireplace, because it made no sense wasting all that wood, fuel and effort, when they could stay warm and cozy right where they are.

Having my entire place heated up would not make me more happy than I am, it would make me forget that any energy is even necessary for heating, if it's spent so dismissively, like it's a normal thing to do. It makes me appreciate the warm kitchen so much, every time I step into my cooled down bedroom and experience how the building would feel without heating. How wonderful it is to have a room that is completely warm, in the times of the cold.

I am aware that if it gets below freezing, I need to turn the heating on just a little tiny bit, in order for the pipes to not have a chance to freeze over and burst, I know it can happen in the times of extreme cold. But it's not even below freezing right now, so I'm perfectly safe in enjoying my little sustainable ways.

I don't think we'll have enough energy to keep big establishments completely heated while empty, if we want to have a future on this planet, so why not go back to being used to limited heating? It's not something that takes away from happiness, even if it's a slightly less convenient way of life. And we're saving energy as we do it, just like we do when we don't leave the lights on, take quick showers, recycle, turn our electronics off. Heating takes burning fuel, and burning fuel emits carbon in the atmosphere, and creates leftover waste. It's a good thing to be aware where the energy is coming from, and to take only as much as we need to be happy and safe.

[mountymase]

serendipity - two

all of these daydreams come back to me at night

pairing: fem!reader x mason mount

summary: you don’t know his name, he doesn’t know yours - along with many other things you don’t know about each other… but every night, you’re both there, meeting in different scenarios in each other’s dreams, hoping that someday your dreams will come true.

author: SURPRISE MF!!!!!!! LOL! this is what happens when I don’t feel pressured: I write. and I write some good stuff! DONT FORGET TO LEAVE YOUR FEEDBACK!!!!

warnings: series will contain fluff, angst, language and smut. italic parts are for the dreams!

word count: 2.672k

Moving to London wasn’t the hardest part, but adjusting to a whole new work environment was certainly a difficult task but not because the people there were bad — their dynamic was surely different, but everyone was so friendly that you never missed the Danish office. Not for one moment. So when you received text messages from your former colleagues and they tagged you on their Insta stories, you felt bad for not missing your days there.

Between adapting to your new life, having April and Archie around daily, and finishing decorating your new flat, you hardly had the time to miss anything from your old life.

Except him.

He wasn’t there anymore, in your dreams. Your nights were as dark as ever — it felt like there was a void and they were meaningless. Probably like every night should be, but not since he appeared to turn your sleep into more than getting enough rest for the next day. The consequence of this was you sleeping poorly and feeling tired all the time because he wasn't there to make you feel safe, and your best friend just assumed it was because you missed (your now ex-boyfriend) Henrik.

“I don’t,” you blurted, getting a hand squeeze and a confused frown in return as April placed her cup of coffee down. “I mean, I do. He’s important, but it was not the same.”

“Every relationship has its own rough path, love.”

You shook your head, letting her hand go. “It’s not a rough path when there’s a third person involved.”

April’s jaw dropped as a gasp escaped her lips. “He cheated?” She breathed, taking both hands to her chest, clearly shocked.

“God, no! Henrik would never!”

“You cheated on him?” Her voice reached a note higher than it was appropriate, making a few curious glances make your blood boil under your skin.

“Can you keep your fucking voice down, please?” You clenched your fists, long nails marking the skin of the palm of your hand. “You know better! I’m no cheater!”

“I’m sorry,” she shrugged, giving you an apologetic smile. “Who’s the third person, then?”

“I don’t know,” you sighed in frustration, rubbing your forehead with the tip of your fingers as the frown was back on April’s face.

“Are you high?”

“No, but you’ll probably ask that again once I tell you what’s been happening.”

For the next hour, sitting in a corner in that little café, between chocolate muffins and more cups of steamy coffee, you told April the whole truth about your dreams. She listened, smiling when you shared how you felt every time he held you in his arms. Not once did you feel like she was judging you, and you felt a bit foolish for not telling her sooner and getting it all out of your chest — she was your best friend and you always shared everything, no matter how pathetic it’d be. Letting it all out made you feel lighter, maybe even a bit less miserable since you stopped dreaming of him even if you felt like half of you was still missing.

Not knowing his name wasn’t a problem for the ever-creative April, who always tried to get something positive out of every situation. With both of you being massive Grey’s Anatomy fans, she decided you’d start calling him McDreamy from now on. It was a bit foolish but seeing how invested she was made your eyes quickly burn with tears you fought hard to stop.

“I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you, Apes,” you reached for her hand again, squeezing it softly.

“Don’t be silly. I’ll always be around, and it’s so wonderful seeing how in love you are…”

As hard as it was to admit, you did love him. A stranger, a man you had no idea who it was or if he was real — but that pair of brown eyes and the way the corners of his eyes wrinkled when he smiled, and that constellation of freckles sprinkled across his face… made you flutter.

“Funny you mention his brown eyes,” April said, making you frown this time but you remained in silence, waiting for her to continue. “You always dated men with blue or green eyes, but remember when we were fourteen and you convinced me to draw the man you’d like to marry someday?”

That was the moment you felt the whole place move too fast and everyone around you too slowly. Your hands and the back of your neck tingled, a knot formed on your throat and stomach and you felt the urge to vomit. Memories of a twelve-year-old you were all over your mind, so vivid that if you stretched your arms just a bit you’d be able to touch them and feel them. McDreamy wasn’t so unfamiliar to you, his face was familiar for a reason and the possibility of him being a fantasy made you panic.

If it wasn’t for a pair of strong arms holding you, your body would hit the floor so fast you’d end up hurt once your vision blurred and it all went black.

*****

Y/n.

That name was all Mason could think of for the past two months, besides all the frustrating situations he found himself in. Missing the woman of his dreams, Chelsea having a bad season and his contract negotiations going nowhere he wanted, Mason hoped he could just run away and start fresh. He made an effort to be rational, think of something that’d explain why you weren’t there anymore to bring the only comfort he had in the middle of his chaotic life. But nothing involving you could come with the word “rational”.

He missed you, deeply.

He missed the warmth of your skin and how soft it felt under his touch. Mason missed your smell, he missed your hair between his fingers and mostly, he missed how natural and loving you had been. How he never felt like this for anyone else in his life, and how he found it when he least expected it.

Loving you gave him purpose.

And now you were gone, vanished.

“Mase? Are you listening?” Carlotta, his stylist, waved one hand in the air and snapped her fingers, trying to get his attention as she drank down her latte.

“Yeah yeah, sorry… the Dior collab?” Mason sighed, pouring sparkling water into his almost empty glass.

“I’m supposed to go to their office on Thursday to pick some outfits for you. Would you like to come?”

The Nike + Dior collab was something major, and being invited to be part of it with a few other well-known and influential names got Mason pumped up at first, but it all disappeared once you faded from his life too. You never shared information that was too personal, scared of waking up for sharing more than you should and ending the little time you spent together, but Mason always silently shared his happiness with you whenever something good happened — he shared sadness and frustration too, and without asking anything, you’d soothe him either with your nails softly scratching his skin, making him both relax and get the most delicious chills running down his body, or with your smile. The sweetest smile he’s ever seen.

Mason chewed the inside of his cheeks, not wanting to disappoint Carlotta, but also not knowing how to say no. “Training on Thursdays is usually tough, maybe we could FaceTime?”

“Mase,” he didn’t move his eyes from his glass to look at his friend when she called him; Mason just let out a long, exhausted sigh, when Carlotta reached for his forearm and tried to comfort him with a soft squeeze. “I’m here whenever you feel like sharing what’s been happening.”

Mason nodded, offering her a side smile in return. “I know,” he muttered. “It’s good knowing I’m surrounded by people who care, I know I’ll figure things out soon.”

“That’s the spirit!” Carlotta waved her imaginary pompoms in the air, sharing a giggle with Mason. “FaceTime, then?”

“Sounds good. What kind of theme will this shoot have?”

Carlotta was ready to answer him when, a few tables away from them, a small group of people tried to help a woman. She groaned, trying to get a glimpse of what exactly was going on, but without any success. Mason leaned to his left, stretching his neck hoping he’d see something but there were so many people around the woman that all his eyes caught was an arm hanging in the air as a man walked her out of the café.

He spent another hour or so talking to Carlotta, mostly about this Nike + Dior campaign and the lavish party both brands would throw once all the photoshoots were wrapped, with his own being the last one of a series that were taken with other athletes.

A golden bracelet glistening on the floor when he was about to walk out of the café caught his attention, and it was like his soul left his body. Like there was no blood rushing through his veins, but at the same time he could feel it burning under his skin as his heart pounded against his chest — so hard it hurt, that Mason could swear he’d vomit it.

He’d seen it before. The golden vintage bracelet, with a poppy pendant that his fingers played with so many times before.

In his dreams.

*****

The familiar scent of orange blossom somewhat comforted you because it meant you were home, the dim sunset light forcing its way between the half-closed curtains brought some cosiness to your new and recently fully decorated bedroom. But it didn’t take long for anxiety to creep in again, forcing you to shut your eyes and do your best to focus on your breathing as you repeated the sequence that usually soothed your nerves.

Flashes of what happened before you blacked out filled your mind again, along with memories of a distant past when you were a 14-year-old and spent your afternoons at your best friend’s house, making plans for the future and daydreaming about your potential husbands – although you always made clear you’d marry last because your career would always be the main priority. April was the hopeless romantic in this duo, and not so surprisingly, she’d become a mum just five years later.

Three knocks on the door followed by the most adorable and fuzzy ginger hair showing up behind the door brought a side smile to your lips. Archie was the perfect combination of the sweetest, shy, and sassy child you’ve ever seen; the most precious gift April could’ve ever given to you when she asked you to be his godmother and you proudly accepted.

“You can come in,” you cooed, finally seeing his face. Green eyes sparkled with curiosity and worry, he carefully held a Spider-Man mug in both hands and took short steps toward the bed. “What do you have in there, munchkin?”

“It’s hot coco, mummy made it for you,” the six-year-old said, slowly stretching his arms to you. “I told her you’d feel better if it was in my Spider-Man mug.”

A loving smile spread across your lips, the sorrow in your heart being quickly replaced by the joy that Archis always brought into your life.

“You were right,” you said, carefully sipping the hot liquid. “But do you know what would make me feel even better?”

His eyes widened a bit when you leaned forward as you were about to share a secret. “Huh?”

“Cuddles with my favourite person in the world,” you patted the empty side of the bed, making Archie throw his head back and a cheerful laugh fill the bedroom. He jumped on the bed right after you placed his mug on your bedside table and quickly wrapped his arms around your body.

“Are you going to die?” Archie mumbled, hiding his face in your shirt. You frowned and, before you could say something, he continued: “I was at the Zoo with daddy and I overheard him on the phone with mummy, she said you fainted.”

“Archie, love…” You cupped his face with both hands, making your godson look at you – his teary green eyes blinked repeatedly, trying to push the tears away, as he sniffed. It was painfully adorable. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ve been very tired lately, just working a lot and finishing decorating the apartment. And I’m feeling much better now that you’re here.”

“Do you promise, momster?” You giggled at the nickname he came up to you: a combination of mum and monster, something you called him quite often. According to Archie, you were too important to be called auntie, and godmother was too long.

“I promise, my little monster.”

It wasn’t long until April decided to check on you – she found a half-asleep Archie in your arms, mumbling how he couldn’t wait to take you to watch him play football so he could score a goal for you until he finally crashed and low snores fell from his parted lips. The constellation of freckles spread across his face was utterly adorable.

“So…” April started, sitting on your bed. “What the hell happened?”

“I had a flashback to our teen years after you mentioned the drawing.”

“But why?” She frowned.

“Because it’s him, Apes. The man I described to you when we were fourteen is the man I’ve been dreaming of, which makes me believe he’s just… someone I imagined.”

“He can’t be.”

“Apes, I know you’re a hopeless romantic but please,” an exhausted sigh parted your lips. “Be fucking reasonable.”

“I refuse myself, Y/n.” April shook her head, repeatedly, not wanting to believe it’s all been your subconscious trying to fill something, you just didn’t know what, because when he showed up for the first time you were in a happy relationship.

“You’re seriously not helping.”

“Would you describe him again? So I can draw him.”

A knot formed in your throat and it was a hard one to swallow. “I love you for doing this for me, but I won’t. I know it was just my mind playing tricks on me, and end of discussion.”

April pouted, and though you were deadly serious about not talking about it anymore, you knew her all too well. She wouldn’t let go, but she’d remain quiet for a while — you hoped to find something else for her to be distracted because it meant she’d focus on it and finally leave you alone.

You talked for a little while, mostly about Archie and how well he was doing at Chelsea FCAcademy. April had sent videos of him multiple times, but you’ve never attended an open training nor a game in person, it’s always been on FaceTime when you were free from work.

Not far from your new apartment, Mason found himself alone at home — tucked under a heavy blanket and a grey hoodie, body was lazily thrown on the dark L-shaped sofa with only the TV lighting up a living room that was too large for just one person. When he bought the house, Mason thought how incredible it’d be to have his family there as many times as he could and that someday he’d have his own family to fill the space. He hoped his own family would get so big he’d have to buy a new, larger house.

With the golden bracelet between his fingers, poppy pendant shining, Mason’s thoughts were everywhere. He remembered, clear as daylight, when you mentioned in one of the dreams that the bracelet belonged to your grandmother and that the pendant was a gift from your dad before he left and it was your favourite flower. It couldn’t be just a coincidence, especially because it was exactly the same bracelet, so he allowed himself to feel all the joy rushing through his veins, warming his heart, body, and soul.

You were real.

“I promise I’ll find you Y/n, whatever it takes.”

[wasyago]

i loveeee gillion and jays friendship and feel it is not talked about enough, any thoughts about them and their dynamic ?

yesssssssssss bro they're so good

like, again, haven't finished listening yet, so i might be wrong about things, but. they have so many similarities, but they're different, but they get each other, you know?

they both grew up in highly militaristic environments, with Jay's family being The Ferins with a lot of honor to uphold, and with Gillion being trained by the elders who had too much to ask of him. and they know how it feels to have this pressure, to have someone you despise expect something of you, to not be able to say no no matter how hard you try. jay becomes a pirate and stands up against her family, not because she hates them but because she wants them to be better and to understand that there are good people on both sides. gillion gets exiled for doing what he was taught and he learns that there's more to it, that there are two sides to his prophecy of equal value.

i just think there's something there. how both gill and jay were taught that people or pirates are evil, and how they both become "evil" only to find out that they were taught wrong. and how jay makes an effort to not be like her family, to not just claim the other side evil and kill it, but to try to understand and make peace. but gillion still thinks navy is evil. and how gillion stood up to elders and overcame his fear and was able to believe in himself and speak his mind. but jay still falls into this trap and is unable to respond to her family. and how both gill and jay see this in each other and try to support and help, because they trust each other so much... gill being there and helping when jay's grandma called, jay telling gill that accidents happen and they still love and care about him, just. augh.

and that moment in the block where gill let jay shoot him because he believed in her and he knew how hard it was for her to go against the authority like that. (which now thinking about it, maybe wasn't the best choice. like, giving your friend trauma over shooting and killing you when they couldn't do otherwise maybe wasn't the best play, but hey, it happens)

and how gillion always trusts jay in decision making, "tell me how to fix it and I'll do it" type of deal. and how jay always trusts in gillion's devotion and strength, no matter how stupid it is. how jay knows that gillion is gullible and often very vulnerable mentally, and she doesn't take advantage of it and instead makes sure that gillion knows she's on his side. how jay keeps teaching gill things and explaining what he might be confused about. like, legit, my favorite moment from the block arc is them walking in the dessert and jay casually in the background explaining to gill what a bear is. like, its the sweetest thing ever and ever, they're not in a situation with bears, there's no need to do it, jay just shares random facts with him and i LOVE it.

and that moment after jay's (first?) dream about being burned by the sun, where gill immediately comes running and sits beside her and tries to figure out what hurts and how to help. so sweet.

they're just. so friends i dont know how to explain it. they're siblings. they're gossip girls. they're a menace to chip. they're chilling. i can just imagine them talking and sharing facts about undersea and oversea. i can imagine gill waking up from a nightmare and coming to sleep by jay's side because she's safe. i can imagine jay going to hug gill when she feels anxious. i can imagine gill and jay sitting in comfortable silence while jay is tinkering and gill is doing something of his own. i can imagine them swapping foods when one doesn't like theirs. i can imagine them casually holding hands when they go somewhere. i can imagine them getting weirdly obsessed over a book and always referencing it and making inside jokes that no one understands. they're like lilo and stitch to me bro. im gonna go cry now.

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "How do you face your fears together?"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read about how you and your romantic partner or friend can work together and help each other facing your fears. romantic partner includes: current partner, future spouse/partner, destined person. i needed to add friends as well cause I feel for some of you one of them could be of help as well. thanks @ceyrann / @tuliptic for the suggestion!

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 4

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pile 1

You or your person may really be an overthinker and be self judging a lot or/and fearing others' judgement. I feel it's more you and your person is gonna help you quiet your mind. You may really hear a lot of voices in your mind, especially when you start overtinking whenever something happens to you (even small things, but ofc it depends on your emotional stability: sometimes even a small thing can take up a big room and it's fne as long as you're willing to not let it take over you but realize it's not the reality of things). Your person will help you ground yourself. They will help you by not letting you overthink too much. They will keep you in the present moment, and help you see things from a different point of view. they will share with you their reality too, which won't be as twisted as yours (cause of past traumas possibly). You have probably grown up in a pretty strict environment, and had to deal with tough situations which made you lose contact with your real self worth. Your person will be able to read inside of you and guide you through it all. As said, they will ground you. It could be that also your person may occasionally end up in the same rut, despite they feel a little more healed or they are gonna take it less deeply than you when you'll be together. It seems you will help each other see the way out thanks to the love that connects you. You will hold each other hand and be together, by each other's side, when you need that the most. You will be encouraging each other. It's gonna feel safe to be open and vulnerable with the other. I am hearing "safe place", you'll br that for each other. You may also fear that someone may come in between you two or actually some people may judge you two being together (this is probably mostly your person, but it doesn't have to). I think that you will help them realize that they only have to be happy for themselves, and do what they need/want for them, and stop caring about the rest of the world and what they think or don't. People will think and judge anyway, why caring so hard? For some of you, you may fear communicating with your person or find blockages of any type (or vice versa), especially at first. But you two will be able to get over it by working together and finding common ground. I am feeling lot of love and respect and appreciation from this bond. Lot of comfort and safety too.

song: you are enough | sleeping at last

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pile 2

I feel you may have some fears similar to pile 1 of not being good enough/deserving (so if you wanna check it please do it), but also.. you really feel crashed by your fears, and these mostly regard you not being able to reach something in your life. You may feel like there are too many things coming in between you and your goals and you let all this take over you. You may feel stuck, you fear not being able to make it. Probably atm you have a lot to do that doesn't depend on your will, or are going through some big stuff... just be patient with yourself. You don't have to make it now, you have time. If right now there's something else going on, it means you need to work on that first. Your success will come. The time to succeed will come. Even if you're losing your hopes. Always believe that you will make it, but also let things develop at the right time: it doesn't have to be now, it doesn't have to be that if you're not seeing any result now you won't ever be able to make it or receive it. Take a breath. I think your person will help you by literally reaching you down the hole you dig yourself by overthinking your situation and seeing your dreams as unreachable and too high above you. Your person may literally lend you a hand and take you out of that rabbit hole, not just by supporting you but also planning with you, helping you physically with all the endeavours you have to deal with. You may also collaborate together on something, maybe an idea you had but you cannot put into practice... they will help you financially or just by supporting you emotionally and materially. They're there to help, let them know how they can do that. Speak to them. Your person seem more stable than you, despite at times they may stress over not being good enough or the "right" person to help you, but they are totally willing to work on this and help you, so they may even just try and get over this fear they have. I kinda feel that they may be able to do anything for you, you're their strenght, even if you don't see it or if you believe you're not strong: you are, you really are and it shows by how you deal with all the things you go through the way you do. You help them get over their fears just by being with them, you give them the reason to not be scared anymore (despite they at times fear losing you). And their will to help you is indeed caused by this need to give you back all you do and did, even unknowingly, for them. It seems you changed them for the better. They have someone and something to fight and live for now.

song: rain song | epik high, colde

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pile 3

This pile's fears are all about emotions. Are you scared of seeing and understand why you feel something? Are you scared of giving names to your fears and insecurities? To your emotions in general? Are you scared of loving freely? Of crying? Of feeling?... of living? It feels like you can only reach to a point and then stop cause it feels too much, too scary, too uncomfortable to reach further. I mean, it's ofc okay, you need to do this only as much as you can, but... you should try to get further, maybe? Only to know yourself a little, to understand what is blocking you and scarying you so much. You don't have to do it alone: this type of trips are tricky, they may hide lot of hidden stuff and it's good to have someone to lean on... I think your person will be this for you. They will help you deal with your emotions. They will totally "wake you up" to your emotions, to life. They seem not scared of digging down inside. But for you it's different.. you may have build up walls to protect yourself cause of past scars and traumas (maybe from your childhood too). They will help you go past them, being more you, more vulnerable. There's nothing wrong in that: it only helps you being more open and creating deeper relationships. Your person won't oblige you ofc, they will always remind you that it's your choice, that you need to decide what you want to do with yourself and your life, that the last word is yours. But I think somehow they will convince you trying to take baby steps into that direction. They'll probably be more extroverted than you, more impulsive, more open, while you're more the opposite (ofc it could be vice versa: your person being the one I just described). This person will help you realize all your boldness inside, that it is not too unsafe to let go sometimes, to live fully, to not fear consequences of actions, to... leave your mind at home? Are you really overthinking this much? :) They'll teach you how to celebrate, to feel fully everything you experience, and not close off to the beauty of it, being a positive or a negative feeling. Your person seems a bit reckless. They may not fear too much, they just wanna experience everything. You may help them gain a balance in this, to not be "too much", and just enjoy but also think about the consequences sometimes: despite it's good to just let go, at times it's also good to know when to stop, when to say "okay, now I had enough of this". I have this feeling you (and them too, probably) may be a loner and/or feel lonely, but in two different ways. I think people at times tend to leave you a little "aside" cause you may seem a bit too serious or blocked. While for them.. it's more on them, they decided to go on their path, and it's okay if others don't care too much about following them. Kinda rebel without a cause.

song: like i do | tracee ellis ross, kelvin harrison jr.

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pile 4

I think you (and your person) may need to work on intimacy. Not just the physical one (despite for many of you it's this one mostly) but the emotional one too. Being emotionally intimate means to be open and vulnerable, not just as in pile 3 but mostly as being able to talk about your darkest parts without fearing being judged (cause there's nothing to be judged for; and if someone does that, it's them projecting themselves on you, not you). As for being physically intimate, you may have past traumas or simply had experienced something that made you feel scared of being touched, not just as for 18+ things but also hugged or caressed by others. This is a scar that needs time and patience to heal. That needs you to be patient and kind with yourself. That asks you to start reconnecting with your body and giving you the physical appreciation you deserve and need. Whatever type it is. Take your time to know yourself, your body, your emotions and how they move in your body. It wasn't on you, it wasn't your fault, whatever happened (or didn't: maybe suddenly people stopped touching you or showing you physical affection. You did nothing wrong. Take time to grieve this, and remind yourself it wasn't on you: it was the other not being able to give you what you needed cause of their own emotional problems, be it just an hug when you were down). Dance, do something you enjoy (anything artistic), move, walk, exercise, paint... realize that you deserve all the intimacy you're going to experience with your person. They will be there to help you too, by working with you and your fears, taking things slow, not rushing anything: if you haven't been in a relationship before, don't worry. They will give you time to get accostumed to them and the whole thing.. it'll feel like you have a buddy, but you can also count on them being there for you and show you that you can be loved and showed this love physically too. You're not awful. You're not awful. You're beautiful. Do not close off to this. Your person will probably fear starting things too fast, of being too impulsive (they may be impulsive at times), they also need time to trust or to be intimate, so it won't be a problem cause of this too. I think you'll be able to work together and follow your own timing. You seem very connected, on the same page, and honestly... despite I am seeing you may both like to take things slow, it may even happen that, for a few, you'll feel so connected you'll jump into something immediately (and yeah again your person's fear... to let go too soon when they actually want to take their time with you, and follow you. They may be more into physical stuff than you and more used to hug and other physical displays, or they will probably be very attracted by you and need to take care of you and touch you/hug you faster than how you may feel like it's okay cause of your trauma). Just try to not be too scared and remember to talk about it all with the other. Emotional intimacy starts with communication. Take your time, nobody is rushing you two. Unless you two are willing to rush things a bit... up to you. And ofc: start slow (holding hands, a hug, a kiss on the cheek...), but start. It's the only way to get over this fear of intimacy and... being touched for something good, which you may have not experienced for a long time now.

song: wonder | shawn mendes