#when she said she saw it from the tree i just got this visual

[bluesnailsstuff]

mailman broke

[imagine-knowing-a-name]

In the Background - Chapter 4

Summary: You’ve been dating Natasha in secret since her early days in SHIELD, and you’ve been in the background of all her missions since.

Word Count: 5155

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: canon violence

A/N: uhhh, hey everyone! 10 months since the last update, here's the start of the Age of Ultron section! Thanks again to @emril-osvigne for getting me back into this :) Hopefully the next part should be out soonish but until then, reblogs and comments are very much appreciated!

Series Masterlist

Previous Part

—:::——::-————>◇<—————::——:::—

“Don't you guys ever sleep? I want to sleep.”

“It's 10 am; sun's up. We can't be wasting time.”

“Yeah, 10 am is all well and good…but it's 4am here. Do you not get jet lag? And don't tell me you slept on the plane; I know you didn't sleep on the plane.”

Natasha's laugh came through the comms and almost made it worth it. You were still annoyed and sleep deprived, but almost worth it.

“If you get us through, then we can all go to bed faster.” Natasha really did know the way to your heart.

“In that case, Romanoff, take a left. You're going the wrong way.”

“You only just now tell me?”

“You only just turned!”

Just then, an alert began to ring, ‘we are under attack’ echoing through the halls of the HYDRA facility, and picked up by the access Maria had found. At the same time, the camera feeds in front of you filled with smoke, soldiers, and streaks of ammunition.

Maria turned to you. “You know, I think they've been spotted.”

“You don't say!” came Tony's strained reply.

All you could do was watch as the Avengers stormed forwards; J.A.R.V.I.S. took care of everything on the field, so you let your attention drift towards Natasha’s suit camera footage. For the most part, all that you could see were spinning trees and approaching enemies, but every so often, glimpses of Natasha’s arm or leg would appear on screen, or she’d appear in Clint’s footage, and that was enough to have you daydreaming of all the moves that you knew she was pulling out. You almost felt sorry for the soldiers, having been on the receiving end of the Black Widow’s blows yourself, you knew they were a force to be reckoned with.

Clint’s camera flipped rapidly in the corner of your eye, pulling your attention away. Maria saw it too, and the both of you exchanged worried looks over the fact that Clint had been knocked by an unseen opponent; even as he lay on the ground, his enemy was outside the field of view.

“Barton, are you okay?” Maria asked, but only got groans in response.

You kept a closer eye as he pushed himself up, so you saw when a blond haired man walked across his screen, looking down at him with an expression that could almost be described as amusement. “You didn’t see that coming?” he said, but didn’t attack; he just continued to walk before disappearing into a blur of blue.

“What just happened?” you asked. You might have written it off as a sleep-deprived hallucination, had Maria not been staring at the screen too, similarly slack-jawed. Along with Clint, both of you at HQ watched intently down the archer’s line of sight, following the aim of his arrow – it’s what made it all the more startling when his screen tipped again, this time accompanied by a yelp.

“The blur again?” Maria stressed, but you shook your head, pointing to Natasha’s screen. Positioned alongside her closest friend, she was the first to notice his fall, and turned from her own approach to run towards him, giving you a clear view of his injured side. Almost synchronously, Steve’s camera flipped in a full 360 before he looked around, but again, no enemy in sight.

“We have an enhanced in the field,” he announced. The speedster.

At the same time, Natasha confirmed her visual for both HQ and the team on the field: “Clint’s hit!” She rushed to his side, allowing you a close-up visual of the burn – although it had only grazed his side, with the damage it caused you knew he’d been lucky that it wasn’t a direct shot.

“I’ll get Helen,” Maria mumbled, pushing her chair away from the desk and rushing out of the office, phone in hand to call the Avengers’ resident doctor – aside from Dr Banner, of course, but he was otherwise preoccupied.

Speaking of, Hulk charged through Natasha’s footage, roaring as he leapt and destroyed the bunker which had injured Clint and continued to endanger Natasha. She thanked him. You turned your attention to the other Avengers momentarily, still fighting their way into the building, but your attention always returned to Natasha as she tried to heal Clint on the field. Tony destroyed the defences, Steve and Thor found each other to discuss plans, but Natasha remained kneeling by Clint, who by this point had given up on his struggle to stand.

“Clint’s hit pretty bad guys; we’re gonna need evac.”

“I can get Barton to the jet,” Thor promised, “the sooner we’re gone, the better.”

Natasha stayed with Clint until Thor arrived then, once the god took her friend to safety, she moved on to your least favourite part of all Avengers missions – calming the Hulk. Although you knew why she was the person best suited for the job – a calming presence on the team and her quick thinking solutions if things went wrong – seeing an uncontrolled being roar in the face of your girlfriend tended to get your heart pounding. Still, as she held her hand out and stared him down, the Hulk began to respond; his grunts softened, his steps shrunk, and he eventually held his own hand out, dwarfing Natasha’s when he went to touch it. You watched Natasha trace her fingers over the forearm of the Hulk and felt phantom sensations mimic the move on your own arm, as your mind filled with memories of nights in your room with Natasha, where you laid with your sleeve rolled up to let her practise her gentle touch.

Soon enough, Bruce came stumbling back, faster than ever before. Natasha led him slowly back to the quinjet before he went to calm himself and she went to check on Clint. Tony and Steve returned soon after, sceptre in hand but expressions sombre – you don’t know what had happened to Tony, but he had stumbled around the room for a few moments before he grabbed the sceptre, and spoke little after that point. You saw him smile at the others through their cameras but afterwards he went straight to the pilot’s seat, while Natasha sat as co-pilot.

“We’re on our way back,” Natasha stated, and from your charts you could see the jet ascend out of the Sokovian woodlands.

“Hill’s got Cho on her way for when you get here. Otherwise I’ll trust you don’t need my assistance for the way back.”

“We’ll be good, Y/L/N.”

“Okay,” you hummed, checking no other Avengers lurked on the channel, and that Maria was still out of the room, “I’ll see you soon, baby, get home safe.”

“I’ll try my best, Agent,” was all Natasha said. All she could say. But you heard the meaning behind her words. You smiled, and then you hung up; you would see them all soon.

—:::——::-————>◇<—————::——:::—

Maria met them at the hangar, pulling double duty of escorting Helen Cho to Clint so she could transport him safely, and finding Steve to pass on the information you and she gathered on the ‘enhanced individuals’ the Avengers had encountered on their mission. Facial recognition on Clint and Steve’s body cam footage had identified them as Pietro and Wanda Maximoff, then Maria had searched for references to them in the information Stark sent through, finding a list of powers they’d gained under HYDRA.

You hung back. Being off-duty for the Avengers’ long flight home had allowed you to get the sleep that Natasha had promised earlier. You knew Natasha would be with Clint, both keeping him company and keeping tabs on his well-being until he had fully recovered – a process that would be very quick if your conversation with Helen was to be believed – but once he was up, your girlfriend would finally be ready to sleep and return to you.

For the sake of appearances, you didn’t officially share a room at the Tower: Natasha had a whole floor of her own, while you shared yours with the other ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. recruits. Whenever it was possible, Natasha and you didn’t stay at the Tower at all, preferring the privacy of the DC apartment the two of you had shared throughout your time at S.H.I.E.L.D., but it was no longer within an easy distance of work and, more often than not, the both of you ended up staying at the Tower. It took caution, and a lot of planning, to ensure you still spent nights with your partner – leaving for ‘home’ on different days to avoid suspicion, sleeping in your own room every now and then even on the nights where Natasha was in the Tower, and, in your case only, riding the elevator all the way up to your office at midnight if someone else steps into the capsule with you, hiding your true destination of the Black Widow’s bedroom. Avengers employees were terrible gossips.

But on that day, you were alone: the regular 9-5 employees were going about their jobs, the ‘on call’ employees had gone off to sleep, and the Avengers were too preoccupied with their post-mission routines to pay anyone else much attention. The Tower was as quiet as it ever could be, so you rode up to Natasha’s suite and sat on her couch with a tablet in hand and information at the ready – as an excuse in case anyone but her entered the room next.

Luckily for you, this was a day where everything went to plan: 40 minutes after the quinjet touched down, Clint was healed and as good as new. 45 minutes after the quinjet touched down, Natasha stepped out of the elevator, smiled at the sight of you, and walked into your open arms.

“Hi baby,”

“Hi,”

“How’s Clint?”

“Back to his usual self,”

“How awful,”

“I know. At least Laura will be glad.”

“We can’t lose him before baby Natasha comes into the world.”

“I was thinking I might visit them with Clint now that there’s no sceptre to worry about. Would you like to come? Check on my future protege with me?”

“Of course I would,” you promised, leaning in just close enough for your lips to touch, “anywhere to be with you.”

Natasha took your hint without delay, shuffling closer in your arms to close the distance between you, laying gentle kisses to your lips before pulling back to speak again. “We’re heading off Sunday, after the party, taking a bus part of the way and his car, so we can all go together without suspicion.”

“There’s a party?”

“Saturday night, Tony just decided on it.”

“Of course he did.”

Both yours and Natasha’s phones chimed, and you reached into your back pocket to check it – a difficult task considering you were sat with Natasha straddling your lap, but you managed. Natasha checked hers too, confirming that you had both received the same message: an invite to the ‘sceptre retrieval party’ on the Saturday. Formal attire. Veterans in attendance for Steve to ‘bond with people his own age’. Steve would probably thumbs down that addition… if he knew how to react to messages at all.

Natasha hadn’t looked up, but she knew an unimpressed expression would greet her. “You’ll get to watch me get ready,” she offered.

“The only highlight.”

“Aw, am I really that bad of a conversationalist?” Natasha smirked.

“The worst,” came your reply, but with a smile before she could offer to spend the party talking to someone else.

“Luckily for you, sweetheart, we have three whole days uninterrupted before then, maybe we can work on my conversation skills.”

“I think we can make that work,” you said, smiling into the next kiss. You let her relax on your lap before quickly changing the pace; you pushed her back, strong enough to move her yet light enough to catch her before she fell fully.

“Hey!”

“Go take a shower first, you reek of gunpowder.”

She rolled her eyes, pouted at you, and shook her head, yet she still conceded. “Whatever you say, baby.”

You didn’t have to ask this time. She definitely meant that ‘baby’ as an insult.

—:::——::-————>◇<—————::——:::—

Days without missions were rare as Avengers, but they had been even rarer as SHIELD agents, so you and Natasha had learned how to make the most of them. From coffee dates in disguise, to reading books while sprawled across your living room, and even to skydiving (once. You vowed never again, but Natasha had seemed a little too comfortable with it), it was safe to say that you’d covered a wide range of activities, and the three days you had with her now were no different.

But all good things must come to an end, and three days later the two of you were back on her floor of the Tower, getting each other ready for the party. She opted for a classically stylish look: black and white dress, curled hair, red lips – she looked beautiful, and you made sure she knew it. In addition to that, the monochrome look served a secondary purpose, allowing the two of you to dress in complementary couple’s outfits, without actually drawing attention to the fact that you were a couple. If the two of you entered the room together, then maybe the others would notice that your white suit and black shirt perfectly matched Natasha’s dress, but you knew better than to do that.

Natasha entered first, alongside the other five Avengers, to begin the meet and greet that always started these parties. You followed an hour later and found the party in full swing: Colonel Rhodes entertained guests with stories of his heroics, Steve and Thor led a veteran out to the chauffeur, and Tony showed off his gadgets to some of the senior officers in attendance. But, of course, your gaze sought Natasha immediately, and it found her behind the bar, pouring herself a drink while Bruce stumbled through a flirting routine. As much as you wished to, it would be too telling for you to beeline towards her and interrupt Bruce’s attempt at a date, so you contented yourself to sit on the couch with Clint and only occasionally sneak glances at the redhead.

The archer caught on immediately, and laughed as soon as he followed your line of sight. “You worried about the competition?”

You glanced around, checking once again for eavesdroppers in the conversation before you answered with a shake of your head. “Not with Nat, no, she’s earned my trust completely…”

“But?”

“But Bruce doesn’t know it and,” you tilted your head to the side, nodding in the direction of another spectator, “clearly Steve doesn’t know it either.”

Just then, as your attention fell back on Natasha, her eyes found you over Bruce’s shoulder and lit up at the sight; she hardly hid her smile as she made her exit, leaving the scientist staring at the spot she’d vacated in order to make her way over to you, settling beside you on the couch. “What are you two gossiping about, hm?”

“Oh, you know, just… relationships… and secrets”

“Not that I would know anything about that,” Clint added with his hands held up.

“Of course not, of course not. Not a thing for us three esteemed members of society to be dealing in,” you joked.

“Never,” Natasha finished with a laugh. Then movement from the bar drew your attention back to the scene at hand, all three of you instinctively going quiet in an attempt to listen in, only occasionally diverting your focus or sipping drinks to hide your actions.

“Ooohoohoo,” Clint laughed, “I think good ol’ Cap just told Banner to ask you out.” You’d come to the same conclusion, so nodded and laughed alongside the archer at Natasha’s long sigh.

“Here’s hoping that doesn’t make things awkward.” Natasha’s response was quick, as Steve made his way to sit with the three of you, followed by Tony soon after.

“Y/L/N! You made it!” the billionaire cheered, patting you forcefully on the shoulder, “here I was thinking you were going to blow us all off.”

“It was a consideration,” you shrugged, though of course you would never miss an opportunity to see Natasha dressed in her best.

“I’m hurt, truly,” was all he said before wandering off again, seemingly looking for more people to impress.

“And then there were four,” Clint commented, “where’s Maria? It’s like an old SHIELD reunion.”

“I hope without the HYDRA this time.”

Hours later, Maria had come to join you, along with Helen Cho and the remaining Avengers, to crash on the couches and eat the takeout Clint had ordered. The night was at its end, so energetic conversations shifted into private murmurs – you were pretty sure Helen had fallen asleep – until Clint’s mockery of Mjolnir drew everyone’s attention back, waiting to see how the god reacted.

To your surprise, Thor only laughed, then held out his arm, “please, be my guest.”

“Really?” Clint hopped up with an eagerness he hadn’t shown since his wedding day. Despite the jokes made at his expense, he grabbed the grip, pulled, and…nothing happened. Thor reiterated the worthiness requirement but that only inspired the others to give it a go: one by one (or 2 at once in Tony and Rhodey’s case) the Avengers lined up to test their strength, each one failing.

“Widow?” Bruce offered, after an almost embarrassing attempt at it himself, but she declined, leaning towards you instead.

“Oh no, that’s not a question I need answered.”

Soon, all conversations derailed into theories and defences, jokes and accusations, until a high pitched whir interrupted all of that. There was no time to fix the issue before it stopped, giving way to rhythmic clunking approaching from behind.

“Worthy?” came an ominous voice. You turned to see a dilapidated Iron Legionnaire, limping towards the group. “No. How could you be worthy?” You were on your feet by then, exchanging brief glances with the others before you turned back to the robot. “You’re all killers.”

Steve stepped forward. Tony called for JARVIS. Nobody took their eye off of the mechanical puppet. Natasha hovered her arm behind her in search of you.

“I’m sorry, I was asleep. Or, I was a-dream.” The legionnaire continued, a full soliloquy that the team only rarely dared interrupt.

“Who sent you?” Thor challenged, and the machine answered back – with a recording of Tony’s voice.

“Ultron,” came Bruce’s realisation. Both you and Natasha turned to him, curious about a name you didn’t know; particularly when the mechanism – ‘Ultron’ – confirmed it. A glance around the room confirmed something for you too: the whole atmosphere had changed, and everyone felt it; Thor tightened his hold on his hammer, Maria readied her gun, and Steve searched for his shield.

“I’m ready, I’m on a mission.”

“What mission?”

“Peace in our time.”

The wall erupted into shrapnel as the Iron Legion took Ultron’s cue to attack; you caught only microseconds of the action before Natasha tackled you to the ground and out of the robots’ path. Your girlfriend pressed on top of you did little to help your cognition, and a flying table and Steve made it hard to keep pace, but you counted at least 3 robots in the air.

Few people had thought to bring weapons to a party in their home, leading to a struggle of hand to hand combat between man and machine, all just a delay before Thor could get a hit. When he destroyed the final Ultron – the main Ultron – you nearly collapsed from the exhaustion of it all; it had been some time since your last field mission.

“The sceptre is gone.”

“One of the legionnaires; it flew out just before the fight ended.”

Thor growled and flew out of the shattered window. Meanwhile, Tony and Bruce muttered between themselves, then made for the lab without another word.

“Hold on-” Steve commanded. You met Maria’s eye, anticipating another argument.

“No, I’m not gonna hold on,” Tony snapped, “I have work to do, but you could be a dear and bring that suit with us if you’re going to help.”

Steve followed his pointed finger, then wordlessly picked up the destroyed husk of Ultron and followed Bruce and Tony to the lab. With a shrug and exchanged glances, you and the others followed along too. Clint dropped to the back; walking alongside you and Natasha, he kept his voice low, “I guess we’re staying here for the next few days then.”

“No rest for the wicked,” came Natasha’s reply.

“Should’ve gone home when I had the chance.”

Natasha shivered by your side, the lab was colder than the party had been, but the whole building had cooled significantly thanks to the giant holes in the wall. You offered her your blazer but the spy waved you off and pulled one of her own jackets out from under a desk; you tilted your head to pose the silent question.

“All our work is gone,” Banner announced before you got a reply. You looked up to see him at his computer, searching through whatever he could find. “Ultron cleared out. He used the Internet as an escape hatch.”

Next thing you knew, Natasha was also gone, searching through files of her own. You tilted your head at her again. “He’s been in everything. Files, surveillance. Probably knows more about us than we knew about each other.” You didn’t miss how her eyes fixed on you, or how Clint’s hand fell on his phone: you all had secrets you didn’t want exposed.

“He’s in your files, he’s in the internet. What if he decides to access something a little more exciting?”

“Nuclear codes.”

“Nuclear codes. Look, we need to make some calls.”

After an attack on the Avengers' home – the first in 3 years – the mood was understandably sour, but it only got more sombre as the team discussed the semantics of Ultron’s plan for ‘extinction’, all building up to JARVIS’s destruction. Things had never felt so hopeless. Nor did you realise until now how much you'd considered the sentient AI a friend; the devoted keeper of your and Natasha's secret.

From then on, for the rest of the evening, the events of the night all seemed to happen around you. The fights and plans and arguments; you knew you'd agreed to certain things, but nothing truly felt clear until Natasha put her hand on the small of your back. Your head snapped up and you met her concerned eyes. “I'm okay,” you reassured, before she could even ask.

Her gaze continued to survey every detail of your face, and you knew from her pursed lips that you had failed to convince her. “Let's go to my room,” she announced, and only then did you realise that she'd already led you out into the corridor to be alone.

You nodded, and she led you down, never faltering in her hold of you until you passed the threshold of her room.

“Bigger night than you expected, huh?” Natasha said with a forced laugh.

“Yeah.” You were in Natasha's closet now, looking through all the clothes you had left there. “You're not sleeping tonight, are you?”

The redhead sighed, as if she thought she'd gotten away with it, before she murmured a ‘no’. A pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a hoodie landed on her bed, and you saw her look of confusion before you went back in to look for a set of your own.

“If you're going to stay up, you might as well change into something more comfortable. And if you're going to stay up, I'm staying up with you.”

“You don't have to-”

“The quicker this is sorted, the quicker we can rest easy, right?”

She nodded.

“So let's get started.”

—:::——::-————>◇<—————::——:::—

All through the night and well into morning, the two of you sat in bed piecing together any clues. Ultron had the wealth of the internet at his disposal in seconds, while you were left to a slow trawl through anything deemed relevant.

Bit by bit, you pieced together a plan, but it was only after joining the other Avengers to talk through findings in the morning that any progress was made. All from Ultron's unintentional clue.

“Where is this guy now?”

“Johannesburg, last I heard.”

“Let's go ask some questions.”

With the edge of your foot, you lightly nudged Natasha, you sign asking her to stay back even as the other Avengers filtered out of the room.

“Get some sleep, alright? I know you've dealt with worse, but it would make me feel better to know you'd had some rest – especially if you run into the Maximoffs; Maria told me what they’re capable of.”

“I will,” Natasha smiled. She surveyed the room and, seeing nobody else around, planted a light kiss to your lips. “Take care of yourself too; I'll be back before you know it!”

And with that, she hurried the others to grab her mission uniform and filter onto the quinjet. You, meanwhile, followed Maria to the mission HQ and called in to the Avengers’ jet. The mission plan for this one was brief: you found Klaue’s exact location and sent it to Tony, they would question his access to vibranium, and be prepared to fight in case Ultron or the Maximoffs decided to enquire about the same thing at the same time.

From then on, it was just a matter of waiting and resting until the quinjet touched down in South America, where you were next needed to ensure the mission ran smoothly.

One by one, the Avengers' suit cameras flickered onto the screens before you, giving you and Maria an insight into the scene before them.

“I think we're in for a fight,” Natasha muttered, referring to the streams of workers escaping the boat which you knew to be Klaue's.

“Stay on the plane, Bruce; code green will be a last case measure in an enclosed space like that.”

The scientist nodded, then the rest of the team filtered in. Steve took command on the scene, bringing Tony and Thor with him to confront the robot, and left Natasha and Clint to the stealth, hiding in the shadows to provide back up if everything went south.

Nerves ran through you as you watched their confrontation with the machine. It was also your first proper look at the Maximoffs – neither seemed particularly intimidated while staring down the Avengers, but you saw the anger in their eyes.

Then, within a second, the sides clashed: Tony was thrown against the wall, more robots came in to fight Steve and Thor one on one, and the Maximoffs used their powers to interrupt.

“The twins keep stepping back,” you noticed, calling it in through the comms.

“They're new to this, probably don't know where to get involved.”

“I'm not sure.” You kept your mind at work, but unless you worked out their thought processes, there was nothing for you to do or say.

Natasha and Clint were brought into the fight in the meantime, attacking the enemies who came their way in order to keep the fight contained to the ship. A full firefight ensued between Klaue’s men, the Ultron bodies, and the Avengers; nothing much changed on your screens until Thor paused, still in between fights, and turned to his right where the girl – Wanda – stood.

“Thor?” Maria checked in. He didn’t put up a fight against her and only watched as she walked away. “What’s happened?”

She got no reply.

“Thor. Status report.” Steve tried. Communications had been patchy; you struggled to get through to Bruce, so it wasn’t out of the question that Thor would have the same issues.

“The girl tried to warp my mind,” he finally replied, “take special care; I doubt a human could keep her at bay. Fortunately, I am mighty.” He trailed off; his teammates might have assumed he had finished and returned to the fight, but you saw instead that his steps had slowed, and he looked around for sights that weren’t there. Tony had done similar back in Sokovia, while Maria’s files of the Maximoffs’ targets described the same sight: even the mighty can fall to the Sokovian’s powers.

“Thor is out of action,” you spoke into the comms; you received no protests from the god himself, so you could only assume he was beyond reaching too. “Watch out for Wanda Maximoff.”

Despite your warning, you were forced to watch as more Avengers fell victim to the Maximoff’s ploy: Steve was knocked into Wanda’s path, Natasha was caught unaware coming down a stairwell, and Clint – well, Clint avoided the mind control, only to be knocked through glass by the other twin.

“Whoever's standing, we gotta move! Guys?”

“Tony’s got Ultron; the others are down,” you told him, “get Natasha, she’s down the corridor from you. Just get everyone out.”

“Good plan,” Maria confirmed, thankfully not noticing how you only sent Clint to check up on Natasha, “Ultron just mentioned Banner so get ready for a quick evac.”

“Natasha, I could really use a lullaby,” Tony said. You checked his camera; the Hulk was on the loose, and angrier than you’d ever seen.

“Well, that's not gonna happen. Not for a while.” Natasha’s head lulled against his hand, totally unresponsive to the world around her. Even with the hostiles gone, you were thankful she had Clint by her side; she wouldn’t want anyone else to see her that way.

Your head snapped up when Maria next spoke, “we need to get everyone to safety.” You nodded wordlessly and got to work setting up evacuation orders, sending in paramedics, and arranging the legal documents as you watched the chaos unfold; all the while, you kept an eye on Natasha, heart tugging at the fear in her eyes, even as she slowly came to her senses.

By the fight’s end, your work had tripled and you knew you’d be running damage control well into the morning, while the Avengers had gained a hostile press, so they wouldn’t be coming home – Natasha wouldn’t be coming home – until they fixed this.

“Y/N?” Clint called you privately, after Maria had briefed them all of the consequences.

“Yeah?”

“Tracking is off, right? Cameras too?”

“Both off. You’re untraceable; even to us.”

“Good. I’m taking them to the farm, so I just- after SHIELD, you know-”

“I get it, you can’t be too careful with these things. Say hi to everyone for me, yeah? And look after Nat while I can’t.”

“Will do. I’ll see you later, Y/N.”

Clint hung up, leaving you in the silence of the empty room. Maria had gone out to take private calls of her own, and the other residents were now forbidden from returning. You returned to your work with a sigh –  so much for the time off.

Next Part

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[mysticmunson]

can we have a blurb about reader returning to school and being cornered by jason? 🙃

so funny enough i almost wrote this in the original post but i decided not to last minute so this is perfect. i hope you enjoy this darling! i wrote this in one sitting so just let me know if i fucked something up lol.

tw: language, a/o/b dynamics, unwarranted touching (not assault)

word count: 2.1k

Waking up just as the sun peeked behind the huge oak trees in the yard, you woke to an empty bed for the first time in days, Eddie returning to his place before you both made your return to school. 

Nerves had kept you tossing and turning, wondering who knew or who would notice. You felt different, physically and mentally, and when Eddie came back from presenting, most figured it out, although an alpha’s transformation is more drastic visually.

The warmth of your sheets comforted you as you stared at the popcorn ceiling, making shapes from the ridges. The birds outside chirped to each other, rustling by and landing on a branch. Your smile at the peaceful scene was cut short by your alarm clock, jumping out of your skin before slamming it to snooze.

Applying makeup with shaky hands and putting on a blue, cotton dress with sneakers, you tried to regulate your fears before they got the best of you. Grabbing a snack on your way out, you took a long exhale once on the opposing side of your front door, wishing you could hide for a bit longer.

Your stride gained momentum as you neared Hawkins High, grateful to see Robin being dropped off by Steve, rolling her eyes at something he said from the inside of his BMW. She caught your gaze and let a grin spread across her freckled cheeks, signaling you over as Steve drove away.

“Hi Rob, thanks for your help last week.” You said as you approached her, feeling blood flood to your cheeks at your compromised state. She snorted, swinging an arm around your shoulder, her jean jacket rubbing against your bare arm.

“Anytime, just owe me a movie night this week since it didn’t happen on Friday.” She compromised, making you laugh and agree, knowing she didn’t say this with accusation. The tiled halls were bustling with students, not taking much note of who was coming in and out of the doorway.

Thankful for the busyness, you felt a significant weight being lifted from your shoulders, but still kept your eye out for Eddie. He was notoriously late, so you figured it would be awhile till he returned. 

Robin rambled about her movie night with Steve and how he hogged the popcorn and burnt it, something you always managed not to do. As she continued her rant, you saw a quick glance of a basketball player whose name you couldn’t recall. He quickly disappeared into the sea of teenagers.

Trying to shake it off, you figured it was awkward eye contact, knowing you usually cowered away with awkwardness yourself at that. You bid goodbye to Robin as you entered your first period, taking a seat at the end of the middle section, attempting to garner as little attention as possible.

As class went on, you could feel sets of eyes lingering longer than usual, blaming it on your heightened nerves and that it would all calm down soon enough. The math equations scribbled in your notebook were barely legible, foot bouncing beneath your metal seat until the first bell rang. 

Grabbing your bag, you took one step out the door until a hand grabbed you, yanking you into their chest. While the action startled you, the recognition was instant as you saw his curls, smelled his potent aura, and the lips pressed to your cheek.

“Hey pretty girl.” Eddie greeted, intertwining your fingers as you both descended down the hall. He was in an Ozzy Osbourne tour shirt from ‘84, a pair of black ripped jeans, and bracelets on his wrists with one dangling cross earring in his right ear. You wanted to bite him.

“Hi Eds.” You smiled, quickly wrinkling your nose, “Did you skip first period?” Your question made him scoff, shooting air as if he couldn’t care less. While you did care about his education and making sure he graduated this year, you both knew this past week was eventful to say the least. 

Forcing glares to anyone giving less than a smile or not looking at all, Eddie was on high alert with you on his arm, his chest puffing in authoritative nature. He had the urge to stay by you in every class, but knew the teachers would either give him detention or kick him out. 

So he dropped you off at every class, racing back when class finished to repeat the action. The only time he didn’t was when they were going to lunch as the cafeteria was right between both rooms, a bit of distance between it. 

The fluorescent lights felt more intense as your exhaustion settled, rubbing your upper brow as another scientific theory was explained poorly by the P.E. teacher who was brought in to substitute. As he began to describe Newton’s laws, the bell signaled lunch, your stomach grumbling as if on cue. 

Filing in with the array of overly energized underclassmen and chronically stressed upperclassmen, you went in the direction of the lunch room until someone called your name. Walking to the side to fully turn around, you didn’t see anyone looking your way besides for quick glances, making your brows furrow. As soon as your back turned, you heard it again, this time closer until a majority of the students were down the walkway, getting their daily dose of cold meatloaf.

“Well hi there sweetheart.” You heard a chilling voice, not belonging to the one shouting your name previously, only to notice Jason and two of his teammates beside him. Their looks made you feel two feet tall, biting the inside of your lip to avoid crying which made you even more frustrated. 

The influx of emotions were too much, if this would’ve happened weeks ago, you’d just walked away with no comment. However, your feet now felt cemented in place as he loomed over you, a few strands of his blonde hair falling out of place.

His friend backed away, continuing a conversation aside from you as Jason smiled, leaning against the lockers beside you. His eyes sparkled with mischievousness, unable to read his direct intentions.

“So a little birdie told me you had a life changing weekend…” He trailed off, his fingers trailing against your elbow, “I could take care of you, would never have to lift a finger or be scared ever again. I would keep you safe.”

Swallowing the lump building in your throat, you could only muster up a whisper, barely recognizing your voice. “Eddie takes care of me.”

This made him chuckle, rolling his eyes as he grabbed your arm lightly, his golden skin warm against your tricep. His rough fingers brushed against your dainty dress, feeling much too thin at the moment, making the tears come to your waterline.

“I could truly take care of you, want you to be my omega,” He cooed, his free hand catching the stray tear, “No need to cry, I’ve got you. I’ll drive you home today.”

As he finished his sentence, you felt your feet be lifted from the figurative quicksand,  turning on your heels. A burn blossomed within your ribcage providing you a shortness of breath as you wiped away the dampness on your cheeks. Breezing through the now empty lunch line, you bought a lemonade and treat from the end cart, the older woman giving you a look. One that meant you better eat something better tomorrow, you smiled at her in appreciation, knowing her for years.

Eddie was looking amongst the crowd before he met your sight, shoulders relaxing visibly as you walked to him, sitting at the seat saved beside him. The boys of Hellfire gave you a kind smile and a hi before going back to their campaign talk. 

“Where’s your lunch?” Eddie questioned as you popped open the plastic covering the small rice krispy treat. You shrugged, taking a bite of the sugary snack as Eddie began quietly reminding you how important it was for you to eat well, particularly after heats.

The anxiety didn’t leave as you took a sip of your drink, nearly choking on it as you saw the basketball team sitting at their typical table, including their MVP. His touch taunted you, his voice grating as he spewed false promises, but nothing felt worse than seeing his false smile and almost trusting him. 

You didn’t like Jason, but the nature aspect of alphas and omegas was irrefutable in the beginning stages. He was telling you what you wanted to hear, things Eddie didn’t have to directly vocalize because you already knew he was your alpha, knowing he would provide for you.

“What’s wrong? You’re scared.” Eddie interjected your psychoanalysis as you twisted a sticky piece of puffed rice in between your fingertips. Shaking your head, you tried listening to Gareth describing their next attack, but Eddie reigned you back in.

“Hey, talk to me, please.” He whispered, his hand grabbing your knee in a comforting manner, the best feeling you had experienced all day. Yet the whiplash of feelings made the tears resurface, opening your lips to speak before clamping them shut and scurrying out of the lunch room.

You didn’t look back as you went straight to the parking lot, inhaling the fresh air intensely as if you hadn’t breathed in a minute. The sound of sneakers followed behind you, feeling Eddie behind you mentally until his hand reached your lower back.

“It’s nothing.” You muttered, wiping your black stained tears, sniffling. It was naive to believe you could hide things from each other anymore as every interaction was more intense than the last, feeling your bodies mush into one cohesive response system.

He didn’t need to edge you on, only raising his eyebrows and staring down at you. Damn those soft, brown eyes that always made you melt, enticing you with every blink. He hugged you close to his chest, hearing his heartbeat evenly. 

“Jason talked to me in the hallway,” His body instinctively tensed, “S-said he wanted to be my alpha, drive me home, and take care of me. I don’t want that, you’re my alpha.” Nuzzling deeper against his band tee, his jaw clenched in an attempt to reign in his anger.

“He’s not going to lay a hand on you, baby doll, but let me pay him a visit.”

The final bell rang to signal everyone out for the day, escaping as fast as you could for the gravel filled parking lot. You waited near the steps for Eddie as cars sped off, blasting the newest Billy Joel or Soft Cell record, much different from your alpha’s taste.

Peace only lasted so long though as Jason drove around the road, looping back to pull up in front of you. His car purred to a stop, hopping out and pushing his sunglasses to his hairline. 

The green letterman jacket on his arms squeaked as he outstretched his arms, waiting for you to come closer until he saw your hesitation, sauntering a few inches closer. His breath fanned against your face, tickling your lower lashes to make you blink harshly.

“You have two seconds to back the fuck off, Carver.” Eddie all, but growled at the shorter man before him, leaving the double doors a foot behind you. 

Anger was laced with every word as his disdain for the spoiled rich kid interfered with his newfound alpha protectiveness. His knuckles cracked as they clenched at his sides, only opening a hand to push you behind his frame. 

“How about you learn to treat your girl right-” Jason began until Eddie grabbed him by the collar, lifting him from the ground. 

While they both were newfound alphas, having an omega meant enhanced results, like an increase in strength. He saw the flash of fear in his light colored eyes, making his brain produce serotonin. 

“Say one more thing to her and you’ll never speak again or be able to have children, got it?” He ordered, watching as the boy in his grasp rolled his eyes before he slammed his body into his car, grunting in pain.

“Eddie, please.” You begged softly, not wanting to risk suspension or a crowd of people who couldn’t give less of a shit of his well being. Thankfully Jason nodded, making Eddie release his firm grasp before walking you back to his van.

The ride was quiet as he drove down the winding roads of Indiana, the leaves going from green to orange, some scattering the ground. His hand rested on your upper thigh, tight as if you would vanish right beneath him. A part of him feared you would really leave him for Jason, someone who could take care of you financially and not have the town's eyes on them in a negative light.

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving you, handsome.” You spoke as if to his thoughts as he smiled, eyes still trained on the black road before him, lifting your hand to put a gentle kiss on your soft skin. 

[i-am-still-bb]

FiKi Week by @gatheringfiki - Day 2 - 06.23.24

“Love doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints; it takes and it takes and we keep loving anyway.” 

NEW AU - Outlander (1940s) AU

“So what will you do today?” 

“Probably just read, and take whatever tea and treats that Mrs. Baird offers. And I might go out for a walk to look for that henge that Thorin mentioned last night.” Kili sat in the upholstered armchair in the corner of their room. His feet were tucked beneath him and he was curled forward around his book. It always reminded Fili of when they first met. Kili had been sitting in such a position, shoes off, and bare toes wedged between the seat cushion and the arm of the chair. Fine if it was your own chair, but decidedly not fine when said chair was in the University library. Fili had been instructed to inform this wayward patron that he needed to collect his things and leave and not to plan on returning unless he was going to remain fully clothed. 

“Stone circle,” Fili corrected absently. He was doing up the buttons on his white shirt. 

“What?”

“It’s a stone circle, not a henge. A henge is a circular earthen wall or ditch. A henge can have a stone circle, but you can have either without the other. Stonehenge has both.”

There was a spark of sarcasm in Kili’s reply, “Interesting.” He was decidedly more interested in how the circles were used and decorated than how they were constructed. 

“It is,” Fili responded earnestly. 

“I’ll go looking for a stone circle then.”

“Just don’t get lost. I can join you if you care to wait.”

Kili snorted.

“You’re right,” Fili acknowledged. “But do ask for directions, please? You’re as bad as Thorin.”

“I am not.”

“You both got lost on a street that had no intersecting streets. More than once.”

“I promise I’ll ask for directions.” Kili turned back to his book. 

“Good.”

“I’ll see you later,” Kili said, not looking up from his book. “Don’t stay out too late looking at old and moldy papers.”

“I won’t,” Fili straightened his tie. “Don’t forget to eat something,” he teased. 

Kili hummed and turned his face up for the quick kiss that he knew was coming without tearing his eyes off the page of his book. 

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

—

“Kili!” Fili shouted into the rain. His voice was echoed by DI Fundinson and the handful of constables that he had been able to gather for a search party on such short notice.

Mrs. Baird had not seen Kili since he had gone out shortly after midday. When the hour had gotten late and the rain had gone from a gentle mist to a pounding deluge she had assumed that he had been with Fili at the Manor House. It had not been until Fili returned, dripping and cursing and willing to murder for a cup of hot tea, that anyone had realized that Kili was missing and had been for hours.

The locals knew the location of the stone circle that Kili had gone in search of. And one of the constables had quickly spotted the bicycle that Kili had borrowed leaned up against a tree near the main road out of town. 

“Kili!”

Fili’s hair dripped in his eyes. His torch lit a small circle that was tightly enclosed by fat drops of rain. 

“KILI!”

Mud sucked at his shoes. Heather and low hanging branches pulled at his clothes which were soaked all the way through. 

He shouldn’t have let Kili go alone. He should have put personal projects and genealogy aside to indulge Kili’s interests.

Fili did enjoy seeing the old stones, looking at and trying to puzzle out what animals or figures  had been carved into the stones. Carvings that were interspersed with far newer scratchings of dates and initials that simultaneously amused and annoyed them both. But the stones did not hold his interest as long as they held Kili’s. Kili had notebooks filled with the painstakingly copied designs. His letters during the war frequently had at least one doodle in the margins, sometimes that doodle would take up an entire page or more as Kili worked through visual problems. Fili saw them so often that he even began to draw them when his mind drifted during some interminable meeting or another. 

Fili could not see far in the rain. He did see other lights bobbing in the distance appearing and disappearing around trees, other searchers, or a low hill. It was dark in a way that Fili had hated for many years. The dark that seemed to suck and absorb any light that someone dared to put forth. He preferred to stay under the streetlights of Inverness, London, or any other city. But now that darkness made the search even harder.

Kili. 

His voice was raw with shouting when a hand gripped his shoulder.

“They’re calling it a night, lad.”

“Did they find him?” Fili looked over Thorin’s shoulder where he could see the lights gathering together.

Thorin shook his head, flicking rain from the brim of his hat. “Dwalin said that he will have men out here with the first light. With as dark as it is we would only be feet away from him and we wouldn’t see him.”

But he’d hear us. Fili did not say that. Because if Kili could not hear them that opened the door to a whole host of possibilities that Fili did not even want to consider. “I should stay. Keep look—”

“You should go home,” DI Fundinson gruffly interrupted. “You’ll be no use to anybody if you are dead on your feet.”

Fili started to protest.

“Stay at the Manor House,” Thorin said. “It is closer.”

—

The next day brought sun.

But no sight of Kili.

They did find his old jacket with the frayed cuffs that he refused to replace inside of  the stone circle.

—

After a week of no new information DI Fundinson had trained dog handlers brought in from Edinburgh.

—

“I have more in my other account, but I’d have to go down to Oxford to access it.”

“That is a handsome sum,” DI Fundinson said. “I wouldn’t offer too much otherwise you’ll start to attract all kinds of malarkey. As it is, most of the calls won’t lead us anywhere.”

Fili roughly ran his hands through his hair and paced the study in the Manor House. He was aware of how he looked. He hadn’t properly slept in over two weeks. He could barely eat. He was wearing his belt a notch tighter than when he and Kili had arrived what seemed like an age ago.”

“I would give everything I have to find him.”

“Dwalin’s right,” Thorin said. 

“We can always increase the amount in the future. It’s harder to decrease the amount.”

“Why would I want to decrease the reward?” Fili snapped.

Dwalin and Thorin shared a look, but said nothing. 

—

“They’re saying that if I don’t take up my post with the new term then they’re going to find a replacement!” Fili shook the letter on the University letterhead.

Thorin looked up from his book. He closed it on his thumb. “It has been two terms…”

“But we haven’t found Kili yet.” Fili dropped into an open armchair. Most of the flat surfaces in the study were covered with books, papers, and other detritus of academic life. He scowled and stared out the windows at the snow capped hills and the low clouds that threatened more.

“There’s nothing to do but wait now.”

“I still look!”

“Those hills have been scoured. You can wait for news just as well at Oxford as you can here.”

“I don’t know…”

“I’ll keep you up to date. I’ll send along any news no matter how small. You need to start living again. Refill yourself a bit rather than just pouring yourself into this search. I know you love him, but you can’t just stay like this forever.”

Fili’s voice was small when he spoke, “I don’t know how much more I have to give.”

Thorin does not push him to explain.

—

Fili leaves in the end.

He moves into the small flat above the bakery that they had picked out together. It was a short walk for the college where Fili would be teaching and only a handful of steps from a grocer and a pub, and a bit further along there was the library and the green.

Kili had been excited to begin exploring the town; absorbing inspiration for his work from the architecture.

—

Fili did not jump up when the phone rang.

He would have leapt to his feet when he first arrived here. But he’s well settled into his faculty apartments at this point having been teaching for several terms already. The snow doesn’t stick around for long here. But even those dustings have ceased now that  spring has started to creep in. The apartment is less cold and drafty than it was a few weeks back.

But he sat down heavily when he heard the words that came down the line.

“We found him. He’s here.”

“Is he…?”

“He’s alive.”

—

Fili was on the next train north. 

He thought that this was the end. He thought he had given all he would have to give.

But it was just the beginning. 

Fili would give and  he would continue to give until he was no longer breathing.

--

Everything @silvermoon-scrolls @metztlilua @I-am-pinkie

Fili/Kili @dubhlachen

[thefirstknife]

Season of the Deep cutscene reveals

I don't even know how to begin this but oh my god. The cutscene. The origins of the Witness. I am absolutely on the floor right now. I will post the link as soon as we have it but until then, I'll try to do it justice with screenshots. This is absolutely groundbreaking for the whole setting. I'll put it under just in case (also it's long). Seriously don't click until you watch the cutscene:

First things first, the prediction was correct! The first victims are the Witness' people!

This matches with the first message from Ahsa, about the first victims being "nomads and wanderers." They appear to have discovered the Traveler:

It's interesting how it's shown here. As if rising from the ground. Probably artistic visual to show that it gardens and transforms the earth around it, but maybe it might also be showing that this was the first spot it showed up to garden. As if it emerged here first. The rest of the cutscene seems to support that, given that the Pyramid ships did not exist before this so there was nothing to chase it. So it was either gardening before this without being chased or it never gardened before and this was the first place it touched as it spawned into the universe.

This matches the stuff about how they ended up getting to live in a big city in an oasis. The Traveler did for them it did for us, helping them get into a golden age. But as the messages from Ahsa said, they wanted something more from it, which isn't what the Traveler wanted to give them.

I love love LOVE how ominously it shows them building what would later become the Pyramid ships.

Man. Chills. And then their discovery of the Veil! Interesting information; they didn't make it or have it inately, they found it by studying the Traveler. This lends credence to Ahsa's messages where she talks about "two halves of a whole long divided" as being about the Traveler and the Veil.

They went out to find and take the Veil, which they did. The Black Fleet already fully developed. It's interesting how the Veil is show up there without the Tree of Silver Wings/roots section.

Super cool stuff about how they got to perceive the Light as negative:

They already knew much about the Light. How it could bend the laws of the universe and create life. But they came to realise that it could bring ruin... just as easily. The cosmic events it set in motion could wipe out entire civilisations in a heartbeat... without reason. And so they saw the Light not as a source of prosperity... but of unfettered chaos.

This fits with how the Unveiling describes the Gardener deciding to pursue complexity and the Winnower being entirely put off by the mere idea that things could grow to be complex, uncontrollable and chaotic:

Your new rule will only make great false cysts of horror full of things that should not exist that cannot withstand existence that will suffer and scream as their rich blisters fill with effluent and rot around them, and when they pop they will blight the whole garden. Whatever exists because it must exist and because it permits no other way of existence has the absolute claim to existence. That is the only law.

This side of the Darkness philosophy despises chaos. It despises the idea that everything can develop as it wants, that there's no order, no goal, no rules, nothing special to strive for, just free will and your own choices. It seems that the Witness' people came to this conclusion too as they delved into studying the Darkness and started regarding the Light as too chaotic and without rules to follow. Without rules, there is no way to control anything and things can go in directions you can't predict which deeply troubled them. That means that anything could happen, including entire civilisations being destroyed for "no reason." Talk about an existential crisis.

The object in the top left corner showed up as they mentioned the Veil which seems to imply that this is their symbol for it and it's really really good because that's the symbol we know from Rhulk's Pyramid:

Here it is looming over Lubrae; is the Veil responsible for the power the Witness used over Rhulk and for Rhulk which led to Rhulk rising as a disciple and destroying Lubrae?

Darkness is described as:

And then The Woman :) with the text as she appears and gets sliced:

And in the Darkness they found the means to carve away the chaos of existence. To calcify it into a final shape. Eternal... and perfected.

Much to think about what the statue means now. I'll have to rewatch this and everything about it a few more times. But after this detour, it's revealed that the Witness' people returned the Veil to the Traveler and tried making a connection, just like at the end of Lightfall, in order to "reshape reality itself." Big potential implications for the portal:

But the Traveler said no and left. And then it happened.

Having witnessed the truth in the Darkness, they used its binding power to merge themselves... into the salvation they craved. Thus began the Witness's pursuit... its campaign to impose meaning on a meaningless universe.

The reason the Witness has a smoke filled with faces above its head is beacuse that's all of the Witness' people merged together into one being, eternally in pursuit of the Traveler (Gardener), to "reshape reality itself" and to "impose meaning on a meaningless universe."

There are a few very grim scenes of the merging which shows a lot of of dismembered bodies in the shape of a triangle just piling up and then something akin to their essences being pulled into one to create the Witness. Incredible stuff.

Wildest shit I've ever seen. Seems also like we're on a good track with the general theme the game is setting up here. The Darkness is a power of the mind and consciousness and was used to create this being. They learned so much about the Darkness by studying the Veil and the Veil is inextricably linked with the mind and consciousness as well. Its link with the Traveler could, apparently "reshape reality" which, again, interesting implications for the portal now and possibly strengthening my theory that in order to enter the portal and survive, we must get in by transferring our consciousness or perhaps merging our consciousness with something.

Still much to learn about! And we might, given that Sloane has told us that Ahsa and her bond became too weak for Ahsa to also tell us how to get through the portal, but that she will be ready to say more next time.

This season might actually end with telling us how to go through, which I did not expect at all since we have two more seasons to go after that. But then again, this will be just in time for us to be ready for the August The Final Shape showcase; perhaps knowing how to get through and what's on the other side are the basic necessities to understand the showcase at all. Which might mean that getting through and knowing what's on the other side aren't even close to being the biggest mysteries of what's going to happen in TFS.

Absolutely insane. I will be rewatching this cutscene on repeat until the end of my days. I will never be a normal person again after this. So much stuff to think about and try to put into place now with this hindsight. I'll definitely be looking over some stuff again now that we have this information.

[windvexer]

Hello Chicken! 🐓 Often people list meditation as a "foundamental skill you need to have before starting to do magic / witchcraft". Do you agree? And also, what do you think are some of the other skills needed? Thank you for your time.

It's the year 1525 and you caught Old Lisbeth muttering to herself in the woods again. After much pressing she finally reveals to you that when she sleeps a fairy man named Grisbone takes her to a strange hill which has a hidden door. Together, they go inside the hill and feast on food, and when she wakes up she can hear the trees talking to her until the moon turns dark.

Old Lisbeth tells you about the Black Book and the loving affections of the Devil King, and how sweet the wine is, and how strange and lovely all the pale folk are under the hill.

You want to talk to plants. You want the Pale Master to give you a familiar friend, who will go out and steal cream while it's still inside the cows. You want to sign the Black Book and dance until dawn. You ask Old Lisbeth to teach you how to do all these wonderful things.

"Very well," she says. "I will go down to the hill tonight and ask Grisbone if you too can join us. When I have the answer, I will return to you."

You stay up all night, sick with worry. What if you are denied passage? What if you will never listen to the whispers of the plants, or know the companionship of wee devils who grant wishes?

Finally, morning comes. You finish your chores in a rush and fly out the front door, anxious to meet Old Lisbeth. She motions for you to join her in the woods.

"I have my answer from the folk under the hill. You may join us in our dances and feasts, and you may sign the Book. But first, you must complete a trial."

"Yes!" you exclaim. "Anything."

"First, you must wait for five hundred years for Swami Vivekananda to give a speech in Chicago."

"Who? What's Chicago?"

"Chicago won't exist for a couple of hundred years. Don't worry about that. A man from the East will give a speech, and then Americans will become very interested in meditation."

"Americans?"

"Never mind that. What matters is meditation."

"What the hell is meditation?"

"I have no idea. I've never heard of it before in my life. Anyway, just wait until the year 1960 or so until it gets really popular in a secular way, to the point where it's so stripped from its religious and cultural roots that people start to believe it's a universally necessary practice and start applying it to totally unrelated spiritualities."

"Okay, so I have to live for five hundred years until something called meditation gets really popular in a place that doesn't exist yet? And then I can meet the Lord of the Hill?"

"No, then you have to start meditating. You have to get really good at it."

"But you just said that witchcraft is a totally unrelated-"

"Well, you're not allowed a familiar until you do so."

"So... anything else?"

"Yes, you've also got to learn visualization and energy work."

"What the fuck?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. Honestly, I thought they might have been making up some of these words."

"Did you have to do any of this?"

"Of course not, it doesn't make sense. I was churning butter one day and praying, and I saw Grisbone and he took me under the hill, and when we came back I had finished churning the butter. That's how I got started."

"So why can't I do that?"

"Because in the year 2007 someone will make a website called Tumblr, and people are going to start making up a lot of rules about witchcraft. And the gods and spirits feel so bad about how ridiculous those clown fools will look that they decided we had better start changing witchcraft now, so in half a millennium when people say meditation is a fundamental skill of witchcraft the spirits won't weep in despair."

[quidcumque]

GRAVEYARD KEEPER: FIRST THOUGHTS

I heard it compared to Stardew Valley and aside from the silly title screen, it's definitely visually there. Play through? There are a hell of a lot of cons, but they won't keep me from playing it

Con: no character customization, no choices at all. You ARE a heterosexual white male-presenting protagonist with a female-presenting white sweetheart. Any headcannon re either of you being 🏳️‍⚧️ remains headcannon

Hilarious: you are reading a text from your sweetheart when crossing a road and you get hit by a car. Keep track of your surroundings, kids

Con: the dialog writing starts out real clumsy. You do eventually get choices, but I prefer how SV makes you the strong silent type when you're not actively involved

WHICH REMINDS ME, CON: don't let the dialog bubbles cycle on their own without me clicking??? I missed so much unretrievable info because I was mulling over the first half smh

Plot: she swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider, she swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don't know why she swallowed the fly, maybe she died crossing the street and woke up in a shitty little medieval FLAT EARTHER village and she has to rube goldburg her way to and through a magic portal to get back to her sweetheart. Or something.

Pro: I don't play rpgs much so while I don't prefer this style over sv's do-whatever-and-you'll-suck-less-as-you-go gameplay, it's pretty awesome in and off itself BECAUSE it's so different. It also contributes heavily to the swallowed-the-spider-to-catch-the-fly effect because it's got EIGHT TABS OF TECH TREES and I started drawing graphs

Pro: you're on a derelict homestead/graveyard with a familiar need to clear rocks/trees/stuff and bring the area back to life. BUT doing things gives you different xp/knowledge points which is how you advance on the tech trees, so it's different from just a carbon copy SV feel

Con: Jesús Christ you can tell this was made by a dude. So was SV, but where it had nearly equal gender ratios (plus the aforementioned character choices), I've seen... not very many women thus far, and what we get is not exactly impressive. I have no problems with "ms charm" telling me to fuck off until I deserved to talk to her, as half the men I met said the same. But I've met two wives thus far, and uhhhhhhhhhhh one is straight up called sweet but stupid in her bio and the other opens EVERY SINGLE DIALOG with "you should talk to my husband, he's in charge" like jfc lady you're the one I need for recipes, calm down? Does he beat you? What the hell?

Con: let's set aside that I'm pretty sure the "medieval idiots thought world flat" thing has been debunked, because I found info but it didn't have good citations. Also maybe we're going for parody over historically accurate, fine whatever. But whyyyyyyyyyy do you have a guy named "G*psy Traveler" like I know I have an inflated sense of how widely it's known that that's a slur, but it on top of the flat earth thing and the WOW that's bad female-or-anything representation, it builds an image of the creator/creators as the really stereotypical basement dwelling head-up-ass dudes who have never ever looked outside their zone and never ever want to

Pro: like two steps into the tutorial you're slapped in the face with Soilent Green is People and you just live with that

Hilarious: I can tell when I have a first conversation with somebody I was supposed to have met already, because my pre-scripted side of the conversation suddenly backslides in terms of my acceptance of the situation

Pro: time is an illusion and represented only by the cycle of emoji-labeled days. Weeks are not counted, so I legitimately have no clue how many "weeks" I went through last night

Unsure??? I don't know how much I'm going to have to drink the church koolaid to progress? I saw an indication up the tech tree that suggested my good/evil choices MIGHT matter, but I've got no idea how. I told the inquisitor who'd just BURNED A PEOPLE ALIVE IN FRONT OF ME that sure I'd be his friend, and I don't know if the game allows for that to have been a choice made out of the fear that I'd be burned next if I said no

Pro: I still want to play it. The myriad cons will influence how I talk about it to my friends, but it's still giving me dopamine, and that's good enough

[pussyterminator88]

Trip-report first time on 2c-b

So I tried honest to god 2c-b. How do I know that? Well it was tested in a lab and good to go it’s important to test your drugs especially 2c-b. If you ever thought about taking 2c-b pls do your own research about it! I have a possibly life saving post about 2c-b and about the difference between tucibi and 2c-b it really is worth a look!

So moving on to the trip report…

Sometime after consuming 2c-b I started to feel a little funny. Like I and the whole world was anticipating something. It’s weird to describe the come up because a psychedelic like 2c-b is nothing like a mdma come up. It feels like earth is planning a silly little prank on u. I was more aware of my existence kindaaa. Then a trippy thing happened to my friend and me. We talked to a person who we thought we knew however this was not the same person they just looked veryyy alike. That kind of triggered my trip more and things were getting interesting.

The neon purple and red lights that were shining up at the trees looked waaay brighter the color was deeper and richer in a way. And when I was dancing I could sometimes feel a presence behind me or beside me that wasn’t there. So what would happen is I would occasionally see something in my peripheral vision and when I look to my right or left nobody would be there. I have a theory about what could be causing that tho…I think when I dance my hair would get in the way and I would register moving hair as a shadow but in reality it would be nobody just my hair. Whenever there would be a little wind blowing it would feel super duper nice, like I was taking double breaths every-time. I tried inhaling the wind not air fr. My hearing was way more sensitive as well, at some point I thought that the loud music broke my eardrums, so I had to move a bit from the speakers. Usually I’m the person who always stands in the front so that time I had to make a change and move. The 2c-b made me more in tune with my emotions overall that night. But I didn’t mind that either<3

There was one moment though that stuck out to me through out this whole trip. Me and my best friend had a nitrous balloon with us and we went away from the crowd to lay down on the grass by some trees. Nitrous oxide by itself is pretty calm but once drugs are involved nitrous becomes something totally different. I see it as the drugs are different seasonings and whatever your on is gonna create different trips when inhaling nitrous. So when I took Nitrous on 2c-b I saw black and stars and everything became wobbly for me, first the sound then the ground. Also my friend was talking meanwhile I was inhaling the balloon and I laughed at every word she said. I wouldn’t be surprised if I peed myself because I was laughing so hard. I didn’t pee myself okayy.. I was just laughing more than usually. My IQ was probably lower than a goldfish at that point.

After that balloon that’s where the visuals came on, I looked at the trees above me and the leaves where moving in such an interesting way. And the neon lights were also pointing up to the sky so it was creating an aurora but between the leaves on the trees. These leaves looked like, when you look through a microscope inside a leaf but I saw that up on the trees where these leaves were. It looked like moving cells but with color. Then when walking in the forest, bigger stones in the dark could from a far look like a drunk person laying down but the closer I got to the stone, I realized it’s just a stone and not a person. However there was no moment where I felt fear and that it was overwhelming, just that one time with the loud music but that was simply resolved by moving away from the speakers.

This is why I believe that 2c-b is a perfect psychedelic drug for parties. It’s not the same as lsd at all. But it’s still psychedelic however easier to control at least in my experience. I experienced 2c-b in a forest rave at night I bet if I took 2c-b inside the visuals would be a lot more visible and complex, but because being outside with fresh air kinda sobers you up I think, and being outside in the dark is overall just hard to see. So the visuals weren’t really as intense as they would’ve been inside I believe. However I still saw those beautiful trees, I’m not complaining because this was still a very good first trip on 2c-b.

Later I didn’t have a comedown at all. Didn’t feel any emotional changes like you do sometimes with other drugs for example mdma.

2c-b is the best parts of mdma combined with the best parts of acid, I would say. But I recommend that you keep water by your side because your throat and mouth gets very super dry, that’s the only thing I did not like. But I can see myself taking it again.

Also this was my experience so if you ever decide to get 2c-b don’t expect the same things to happen to you. We all have different brain chemistry, metabolism etc that makes us react differently. So you might have a completely different experience on 2c-b keep that in might! <3

I tried finding pics of what I saw. Try to combine these pics togheter…this is was I saw, kindaaa.

These types of cell shapes and colors I saw where the leaves are and imagine it’s moving and it’s night. The leaves were also at the same time moving like swarm of flying butterflies 🦋

[littlemisssquiggles]

So...about the EIGHTH episode of RWBY Volume 9...

I...have no words for this episode. No really y'all this episode left me speechless

I'm gonna need a week to process all the reveals that happened in this episode.

I think the part that resonated with me the most is the part that some of y'all probably expected to impact me the most. You already know what it is…

It's the part where Illusion Ozpin is beating the shit out of Ruby with the Long Memory, screaming at her that she isn't cut out to save anyone. I like the visual irony of Oz being to one to tell Ruby she’s unfit to be the hero when it was Oz who chose Ruby in the first place.

Anyways, Ruby retaliates by slashing at Oz with Crescent Rose. But when Ruby looks up, it isn't Oz she finds standing before her anymore.

It's Oscar.

Of all the things that I was expecting to see, Ruby essentially killing an Illusion Oscar was not one of em. Not lying to tell ya’ll, that part took me out. I actually gasped at this part.

But from my initial shock at seeing this scene came a big realization. Of all the people that Neo could have shown Ruby killing on accident, why show her Oscar?

I mean yes it makes sense given that it was Ozpin who was beating Ruby before and Oscar is Ozpin’s successor. However, for me, why I find this part most interesting is that it highlighted to me the significance of Oscar’s presense in Ruby’s life. What he means to her.

One of Ruby's fears is the thought of failing Oscar too. We saw how she reacted to failing Penny and being reminded that she failed her twice over.

Ruby is afraid that she could one day potentially fail to protect Oscar as well, just how she failed Penny...and Pyrhha...and everyone else.

I find this part to be most significant. And no this is NOT my shipping heart talking here. I just find it interesting that Oscar dying is used as one of the main pieces used by Neo to cause Ruby to reach her breaking point.

If I ever needed a sign that Oscar is important to Ruby from this volume then this was it. Perhaps not in a "romantic sense" but Oscar IS important to Ruby. He is someone she doesn't want to fail.

I can say more but overall this episode just left me floored. And of course, the final part where Ruby essentially committed suicide.

She drank the tea made from the leaves of the Tree and essentially erased herself from existence.

And then there is Neo. She finally got what she wanted. She wanted Ruby to die and pushed her to "kill" herself. And after breaking Ruby and bringing her to that point, Neo breaking Ruby essentially caused her to break as well.

And there comes the big reveal.

When I said before that I was hoping the Curious Cat would become a part of Ruby...this was NOT how I envisioned it to be.

I did not expect the Cat to be a villain.

That part stung man! This entire time I was rooting for the Cat to be an ally.

I JOKED about the Cat being like Kyuubei from Madoka and look what happened in this episode.

I can't believe that the Cat is the villain! I cannot believe it!

And of course, Little getting killed by Neo and used to cause Ruby to reach her final breaking point---again, another thing that I called in a previous post and look what happened in this episode!

All in all, this episode was ALOT to take in and I'm still taking it all in.

And let's not forget about the main theme to take out of this episode---this entire time, Ruby has been battling with the depression and what can essentially be presumed as "suicidal thoughts".

Thinking that she doesn't want to be herself anymore. Thinking that the world and everyone else in her life would be better off without her existing and then the final nail before her choosing to essentially kill herself.

Ruby killed herself ya'll.

Call it what it is in terms of the theme. We just watched our main protagonist committ suicide.

Now obviously I have no doubt in my mind that Ruby is going to be alright in the end. From the shot of her being swallowed by the tree, Little also fell with her as well.

I feel like this could lead into Ruby being resurrected through Little. Like Little's purpose being revealed that they were meant to help Ruby come back and fix her or something like that.

That's my hunch for now.

Beyond that, I think I'm done talking about this episode for now.

Do I think this episode was a good episode? Oooh I would go as far as to say this episode was the best of this season so far. There is just so much to unpack from it.

At this point, we are 2 more episodes away from the season finale of V9. Where it goes from here, I don't know. For now, I'm gonna go lie down and process this episode a bit more.

~LMS (2023)

[georgette-mademoiselle]

Georgette and sekido part 14

A hidden talent

Both couple where sitting on a big maple tree taking time away from the commotion at there home. Conversations like there favorite books came to play to complimenting the beauty of the darkness. Eventually georgette changed the conversation to sekidos elektrokenisis.

" i wonder though sekido.." said georgette while sekido cocked an eyebrow

" hm?" He awaited for her answer " i was remembered of that time when you kissed me i felt a shock a Wonderful memory i still keep within me however now its got me thinking...can you by chance create some kind of projection from it?".

He stood there for a bit pin pointing what she just said "are you saying if im able to create some form if illustration from my electricity?" He laughs " have you not been paying attention in my battles?! The shapes that they form as i strike?! Is it not obvious!"

she shook her head " no yes i know but what i mean is erm.." oh no there she goes looking embarrassed which could only mean one thing to him. " Let me guess you want to know if i can create something cute from my abilities like something artistic of a rose or an animal.."

Immideatly georgette claps her hands in joy that he got her message accross " yes! Thats exactly it! Ive always wanted to know if you could create something visually like those star projectors i always see." Looking at sekidos face she could tell he only looked more annoyed with an unsure look on him.

" sigh, its stupid i know im sorry if you dont want to i totally under-" Then a spark lightend across her face as she wasnt looking that it immideatly grabbed her attention to turn and load and behold her eyes widen in awe as she saw sekido form a rabbit hopping around his palm of his hand nuzzling onto him even. " Sekido!" She said in amazment

" amazing isnt it? In truth ive always known i can do this, ive only ever done so when im alone. Its one of the the things that calms me..." His voice grows soft the more he opens up his softness to her. She listened to him all while looking at the formed rabbit of his palm it then looked at her and hopped onto her lap and curled onto her feeling relaxed. Georgette raised a hand to feel it but the moment she did it vanished away.

"ah! It disappeared." He nodded then spoke "its only temporarily of course although the moment you touched it it created the same affect as that of a popped bubble and thus put an end to my illustration"

She was very intrigued how sekido can create such thing with his abilities now she was ever more curious " how about a butterfly?" He did not hesitate to create one on by closing his hand to create with his technique then opend it and a monarch was realesed flapping its wings around him in circles almost adoring his creator it would then fly to georgie landing on her nose treating it like a flower with nectar. The moment was awestruck for georgette but then immediately jolted as the butterfly sparked away and disappeared.

"oh! Haha that tickled!" This moment was rare for sekido because for once he began to smile gently he felt relaxed and safe like hes never had before almost as if he trusts her with his complete life at this point of there relationship " you want to see another trick?"

"Oh? Another? Yes please my love!" He held in a laugh afraid of showing to much joy he's actually getting out of this. " Alright alright hold still now because you won't be expecting this one." She did as she was told "actually...close your eyes my rose"

Oh my he was plotting. It seems he began to pick up her mischievousness when it came to bieng romantic and oh boy did it make her gulp while having her eyes closed.

Sekido placed two lips onto his lips sparking at his touch then blew on it like a dandelion as his electrokinitic forms the shape of his lips landing it onto georgettes sensual red lips vanishing as soon as it touched hers unlike the butterfly this feeling sent a shockwave down to her spine that she almost fell from the tree.

She opend her eyes wide open looking redder than any rose in there garden placing both her hands to her lips acting like it was her first kiss ever.

"s-sekido! W-was that what i think that was!?" She was a bashful mess indeed "indeed your reaction should be a dead give away to what i did, or are you so lost in lala land that i have to instead say it bluntly?

"i-i know! I know! Y-you!" He tilts his head " i?" She gulped " y-you b-blew a kiss at me! Youve never done that until now that im left speechless!"

Sekido was very pleased by this, she was lost for words more than when he kissed her with electricity infused kiss from the other night. Today was a very interesting day indeed perhaps the most tender of it all.

" breathe darling breathe i dont want you passing out on me!" She excessively breathed in and out until she finally gained her composure " im good..." She scooted closer to him resting on his chest signaling him to caress her long crimson blood locks.

"your abilities despite how dangerous they are...they are the most beautiful element of nature ever. And today you showed me they can be used in such creativity" he listened as he soothed her scalp with his slender fingertips eyes looking at her in awe by her words "t-there beautiful?" Nobody has ever complimented on his abilities like that before hes only ever used them to kill and strike at his enemies to be said that they could be used in such creative beauty astonishes him.

"i-...thank you, your very sweet to me even thou im somone who dosent deserve it..

looks up to him cupping his tired face " you are worthy of kindess never say you dont if you say that again im going to never stop kissing your lips until such negativity never leaves your mouth again!

Shakes his head to shake away the bashfulness creeping up "fine fine! Ugh...maybe i should shove an apple on that pretty mouth of yours to stop making me feel all fuzzy!" She cackles " your so dramatic! Your sounded like a bee going bzz!

Now he definitely could not escape his demise of the blush forming all while eating down his laughter of how cute her comeback was " o-oh shut up! " In the end he couldnt help himself and let his laugh out letting joy win this round for once.

It was nearly dark now that they would eventually return back home however not before one last surprise

"wait.." georgette stopped " hm?" He clutched his palm and released it open creating a man and a women holding in each others embrace she soon realized that it was them two georgettes eyes lit up in tears of joy and ran to hug him "s-sekido! That's the most beautiful thing you've ever done! I..." She holds the bottom of his hands carefully to not let it disappear "its like a music box..."

He looked down then smiled " your right, i actually didnt catch that" the magic would then fade as he cupped her cheek to place a small kiss onto her cheek " consider us a music box that plays within our heart...forever".

Dividers by @/elryisia

Inspired by my headcanon post

[constantvariations]

V9C10

Here it is, folks. Season finale of the worst RWBY season to ever be made. Yee to the haw

Post Ep: nowhere near as offensive as what I was expecting but holy exposition dump Batman

Noticing this one is 26 minutes long as opposed to last ep’s 16. Thank fuck, I was genuinely worried the finale was going to be bite sized

I swear on every god ever made that if I hear that damn question again I Will Find People

Having this flashback right after the numerous cliffhangers of the last episode is really strange. Unless this is something Ruby is seeing after touching the axe, then this should not be front and center

Is Summer’s hair even long enough to pull off that rose knot? As the y/n protagonist always throwing their hair in a messy bun, I’m no expert on hairstyles, but every time I’ve seen a hair design like that, it’s always been with hair down to the shoulder blades at least

What the hell is that line “I always prefer discretion”? It sounds so unnatural coming from these people and that awkward chuckle afterword cringed my spine into a pretzel. This couple with a child and possible marriage feel like awkward dates at the prom

Why are the mouth animations for smiles this season so damn weird? I wouldn’t be surprised if the animators forgot what a smile looks like considering their circumstances Also does Raven look off to anyone else? I can’t put my finger on it but it’s not quite the same as her V5 model Also also, this makes it really fucking stupid that Yang’s original purpose to finding Raven was to get information on Summer and IT WAS NEVER FOLLOWED THROUGH

OKAY Ruby was seeing it! Thank fuck they got SOMETHING right

Someone put some damn captions on this bitch. I should not be hearing the kits messing with the recycling more than the dialogue

Ruby hasn’t been violent when upset since Weiss and the tree in V1 iirc. Strange trait to bring back now, but aight Also, how the fuck do you get “give up” from “maybe you ain’t the only bitch with this problem.” That’s some Reed Richards stretching right there

Aaaaaaaand back to fucking Jaune. It amuses me that characters who ire me intensely get “fucking” added to their name like an honorific

Alyx’s hair straight up looks like the dusters I use to clean fiber out of the machines at work

Blake straight up did nothing for the solid ten seconds Nyeo attacked her lmaooo

Hey, look! Team attacks! When the fuck did those get strategized?

Listen, I genuinely feel bad for Neo here. I don’t care about the bullshit of last episode; no one deserves to have their body violated like that

Holy fuck that is a visual monstrosity my eyes are fucking burning

“Your time is running out” bitch the caterpillar got a whole day or two, why does Ruby get like. 2 hours max?

God can they stop with the bees we get it theyre canon stop the fucking bees I’m developing a goddamn allergy at this point

Hey, Weiss ain’t the first one to have her aura broken for once!

Feels stupid cheap to have Ruby choose herself because of a thing her mom said while she was asleep a decade ago instead of Ruby actually going through options and debating until she realizes that she can’t/doesn’t want to be anyone else Like. Nothing really happened to make her switch from suicidal to accepting? She saw a flashback, had a vague conversation with the blacksmith, and looked at some weapons. Where is the development? Why is she suddenly okay with being Ruby Rose again when five minutes ago she drank the tea? The biggest thing so far is the flashback, but that’s stupid. Her mother’s impact should NOT be that great considering she a) hasn’t been around for the majority of Ruby’s life, therefore the only tie between them is blood relations and b) was JUST revealed to have left the family willingly for secret reasons

The music is dope though. Red Like Roses has always been one of my favorites

The “We Love Ruby! <3″ lines delivered one by one is so damn awkward. Is this an after school special? Weren’t these the exact kinds of lines that Weiss said LAST EPISODE were unhelpful to Ruby due to the pressure they inadvertently put on her?

Once again, I am asking what the fuck the Neojabbers are since her semblance is MIRROR ILLUSIONS not PHYSICAL TRANSFORMATION. Like, glad that even the heroes are horrified by someone being eaten alive, but it still doesn’t make any sense Also what’s going to happen to Wonderland without Curious as its monitor or whatever? How are the folks who can’t reach the tree without help going to ascend? Is this a good thing or is it going to send Wonderland into an unbalanced nightmare?

“[Neo] will find herself.” Uh huh. Sure MKEK. That’s the reason Neo’s staying in Wonderland instead of charging after Cinder with the force of a thousand suns. Y’all really dragged my dead gay son into this mess for this horseshit

“I like to think we did at least a little good.” Exactly when did you guys help anybody? All I can think of is that stupid cheese root from the first episode

If Little follows them into Remnant I’m throwing RT into the ocean. Especially if they don’t let Juniper come along. That dude is the only mf in this season that didn’t get fucked over

Is this one-by-one dialogue about another character’s traits going to be a thing? I’m already sick of it

Somewhat. That’s the new name. Why couldn’t they go with the standard Socks or Blue or Kai or insert other silly common nb name here. Do you know how difficult it’s going to be making that sound natural?

I genuinely am uncomfortable at this reunion. Ruby’s incredibly emotional but Somewhat is just kinda there. Reminds me way too much of meeting someone who knew me as a kid and get way too intimate because of that (it happened a lot since my grams raised like. half the town back in the day) Did they really just throw this in to throw it in? What’s the point of this deeply creepy scene other than answering the question of “what happened to Little?”

Nooo bring Juniper with you!!! They’re the only good character!!!

Hold hands and jump at the same time. Reach the ground at different times. Aight

So the gods were originally Afterans? “The tree’s earliest blossoms.” That raises so many fucking questions: how did Remnant come to be if it’s an entirely separate dimension(?) from Wonderland? What connects the two? Are the entities in the relics Afterans as well? If so, are they in the relics willingly? Were they created by the brothers or the tree? Does this make the tree the source of all life as they know it? What powers the tree? If Wonderland goes to shit, will that affect Remnant and any other playgrounds the brothers or other gods might have made?

These mfs really using Mr Monty’s words to justify their shitty god tier writing?

Why did the brothers build modern human houses for the animal creatures instead of creature specific housing (a dam for beavers, a nest for birds, etc)? This seems to be early stages of life so I don’t think you need to delve straight into Craftsman architecture

The jabber origin is so dumb. These idiot brothers tried to design a lawnmower and made Jason Voorhees Also, that doesn’t even make sense. Wonderland is a self contained ecosystem where all energy essentially gets recycled. The jabber disrupts that by permanently ending whoever it gets its chompers on. This would make more sense if we saw new life coming in, but so far it seems like all the tree creations happened back in the day and everything now is a brother creation. Since we’ve yet to see any evidence of their return, this means that there is a finite amount of life in Wonderland, meaning that the jabber, given enough time, could end all life within because it has no other purpose and no counterbalancing force Though, since Neo killed(?) the jabber, does this mean there is no force working for or against the living in Wonderland? Seriously, what the fuck is going to happen here?

“True balance requires only love and the patience to see things through to the end.” Tell me you’re begging for a v10 greenlight without telling me you’re begging for a v10 greenlight That’s not even remotely true because balance, especially among the sentient, requires EFFORT and COOPERATION. Or did y’all already forget your “trust in love” season got people murdered?

LITTLE DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING DO ANYTHING JFC THEY WERE SEXY LAMPING THE WHOLE SEASON

Jaune is young again. Many shocking. Much wow

“When you are needed most.” It better be in that fucking desert y’all dumped two whole ass cities in with only like. 4 trained warriors against a horde of grimm in a sandstorm

Nope! That would’ve been too straining on the budget much of a downer to end on. Still shot of Sepia - I mean, Vacuo and that’s it! Show’s over, folks!

I can’t discern a single word but I like the ending song lol

THESE MFS REALLY ADVERTISING THE JL CROSSOVER AFTER THE EP OHMYGODDDDDDDDD

[jeongyunhoed]

The third and final story in the 100-Day trilogy, taking place four years after the events of The 100-Day Relationship and two years since the events of I Do. When the patriarch of the Choi family suffers a heart attack, the entire clan decides to visit the estate in the hopes of getting in his good graces and parts of his fortune before he passes. Seonghwa and Juhyun now find themselves clashing with nosy relatives who threaten to split them up and have her removed from any possible inheritance.

Inheritance 

Member: Seonghwa Pairing: Seonghwa/OC Genre: I’m going to say angst-fluff, drama, intrigue. Things to note: Art Curator!Hwa, a lot of crazy rich stuff again (for real, this will have A LOT), and perhaps some adult-y things. Watch out!: The usual pressure of kids, illness, familial drama ahead A/N: For visual reference, this is what the Choi Estate looks like (The Chartwell Estate). 

Listen to the Succession OST for the added crazy rich intrigue ahead. 

Tag list: @kflixnet , @treasure-hwa    

Masterlist

Chapter 2

By the time Seonghwa and Juhyun returned to Korea, they started packing for a trip to the Choi family home. Juhyun’s grandfather was already transferred to be taken care of at home as he wished, as he didn’t really like staying at the hospital for too long (“It’s depressing looking at the walls and the nurses and doctors tend to give you a heart attack when they surprise check on you every hour” is what he’d always say). 

As much as Juhyun insisted that Seonghwa get back to work to at least get rid of the jetlag, he insisted on coming with her. It affected him just as much knowing that his own grandmother was friends with her grandfather. 

Nevertheless, Juhyun appreciated his presence. They wanted to preserve some form of independence even as they were already married, but this was one of the times that she learned that they needed to be together now more than ever. Seonghwa reminded her that it wasn’t a time to truly be alone when it came to sudden events like these. 

“I hope you’re ready to meet everyone,” Juhyun said, a hint of dread in her tone that Seonghwa knew was only because everyone in the Choi clan was going to be there, including the one family she never invited to the wedding. 

Seonghwa was still curious on how bad they would be as he gave her shoulder an assuring squeeze while he looked out the window. 

The drive seemed to take longer than when they had to visit Juhyun’s parents’ house, only for Seonghwa to realize that they were pretty much out of Seoul and heading into the more rural areas. Another hour later, Seonghwa saw that they were approaching gates that looked similar to the one Juhyun’s parents had at their home, but looking further, Seonghwa realized that they were still far from the estate. 

Juhyun could feel a pang of anxiety set in as the chauffeur drove further past the gates, seeing the lines of lollipop trees and well-manicured hedges decorate the smooth paved road. She only remembered coming here every Christmas during her childhood and teen years. The hustle and bustle the older she got, made her nearly forget what life at the Choi estate was like, or what it looked like at all. 

Seonghwa gaped at the sight of the complex the more the chauffeur drove. There was a large car gallery that he could see had vintage models of luxurious car brands, a Spanish revival villa that served as the servants’ quarters, and from Juhyun’s side, there was an Olympic-sized swimming pool. 

The entire Choi complex was a mix of 18th-century French rococo and Spanish revival architecture. There were cascading fountains, with a large maze of well-maintained hedges. Another Wallace Neff Spanish revival villa served as the guest house that was a kilometer away from the main estate. Seonghwa felt like he was in another place entirely, somewhere in Europe with how everything looked. 

Seonghwa now realized why Jongho and everyone else seemed to joke about how Juhyun’s grandfather’s home was practically a resort, from how large the property was. They must have visited a few times. The car pulled up to the foot of the staircase where several helpers in maid uniforms and tailcoats were standing by, along with a woman that smiled upon seeing them. 

“Juhyun!! Juhyun!! Oh my goodness! It’s been too long!” the woman said, hugging her as the helpers opened the car doors for the two of them. 

Seonghwa rushed to get out, a little flustered at the service as they greeted the woman while some of the helpers took out the luggage from the trunk of the car. He stood by his wife, who pulled away just in time to introduce him and he bowed a little low. 

“Auntie, this is my husband, Seonghwa,” Juhyun introduced them. “Seonghwa, this is my grandfather’s caregiver, the one I told you about? Eunhyung.” 

“Oh! It’s very nice to meet you, you grew up in Jinju, right?” Seonghwa immediately switched to the dialect. 

Eunhyung looked pleased. “Yes I was!” She said. She turned to Juhyun. “Oh my goodness, Juhyun, you married a Jinju man, he’s the real deal. He’s very handsome too.” 

Juhyun laughed while Seonghwa smiled at the compliment. “How is everything?” She said, as Eunhyung led them up the steps of the cascading fountain and into the path that led to the front doors. 

“Well, your grandfather’s in bed resting, your parents and Sangmin arrived yesterday, Jihyun’s here with Bin, and your uncle Hyunwoo and his family have been here since last week. It won’t be long before your aunt Seonak arrives. I heard they needed to refuel the plane so they had a layover in Macau,” Eunhyung replied, opening the doors. 

Seonghwa was even more amazed at how the place looked from the inside. The interiors were definitely made in the style of a French chateau, from the moldings, to the tiles, and the chandelier that hung over their heads. Seonghwa could see a partition in one part of the living room, seeing a grand piano behind it, as if it was its own stage. It felt very lived in even as the interiors seemed freshly restored or renovated, with all the family portraits that were hung with slight changes over time due to Juhyun’s parents getting married, and to her cousins getting married and having children. 

Seonghwa even spotted their wedding picture hanging on the wall next to the wedding family photos of Juhyun’s cousins, evidently the most recent one. In time, he figured, the hall of pictures would include one more, with Juhyun’s sister’s wedding. Even with all the wealth, Seonghwa could see how they were all somewhat very close. 

The more they walked in, Seonghwa couldn’t help but be in awe. There was a marble staircase, and next to it was an old-fashioned elevator. “So, where would we be staying?” Juhyun’s question was enough to make him snap out of his thoughts while they went up the flight of marble stairs that had a red carpet in the middle. The second floor was like a replica of the downstairs minus the partition that had a grand piano that was elevated on a platform. 

Seonghwa even saw that there was a large dining table at the end of the hall, a china cabinet, complete with a mini-bar. On the other end of the hall was a small living space complete with a smart television in between two tall bookshelves. Even with the setting, it still managed to blend into the French Rococo-Spanish Revival style. This felt like the epitome of wealth. 

“You’ll be staying in the third floor with your sister and her fiance, your parents, and Sangmin, your uncle Hyunwoo and his family already took up this floor,” Eunhyung pointed out, seeing the help with their bags in the elevator that went up. “Seeing as all of you would be staying here, breakfast times will differ per family. You will have yours at 8, since your uncle would have his at 7, and your aunt will have theirs at 9.” 

“Good, I hope you’re ready,” Juhyun joked as she held onto Seonghwa’s hand while they climbed the next flight of stairs to the third floor, which looked exactly the same, with the dining table and the china cabinet. 

“Your grandfather’s in his room as always, and if I recall correctly, your parents are talking to him right now,” Eunhyung said, gesturing to the second door closest to the dining area. “Well, if you haven’t eaten yet, the cooks have already prepared lunch. I’ll have them bring some up here. Your grandfather will want all of you eating at the main dining room for dinner anyways.” 

Juhyun nodded and opened the door. The room they were going to stay in for the next few days was bathed in neutral shades in keeping with the rest of the house. A beige French rococo bedframe had what would be the softest mattress and sheets Seonghwa had ever felt. The side tables and the vanity were also in the French rococo style, but the lamps and lighting were more on the modern side that Juhyun sensed was part of the renovation or restoration that her grandfather did. 

“Wow, I am in awe,” Seonghwa stepped side when some of the helpers brought in their bags. 

“We’ll unpack everything ourselves, don’t worry,” Juhyun assured them, and they bowed before stepping away. 

“If you need anything,” Eunhyung pointed to the call button next to the door that led to the wardrobe and the bathroom. “It’s good to have you back here, Juhyun, I hope you and Seonghwa enjoy being here,” She smiled and closed the door. 

Juhyun turned to her husband. “Well, we’re here,” She said, arms on her sides. “I almost forgot how huge this place is until I saw the dining table at the end.” 

Seonghwa wrapped his arms around her. “Now I know what your friends meant. They’ve been here, huh?” He asked. 

She looked up at him. “Once or twice. My grandmother hated it. She couldn’t get used to the fact that not everyone in my friend group is old money or new money or comes from money at all,” She said. “But you can imagine the weight that came off everyone when she passed away…” 

Seonghwa feigned surprise at her words. “I didn’t think you’d be so happy that your grandmother died,” He said. 

“Well, she wasn’t as nice as your grandmother once thought of her,” Juhyun frowned at the thought. “She makes your grandmother look like a saint. You know what my uncle would sometimes call her? The bitch with a Birkin.” 

Seonghwa feigned surprise again, making her laugh. 

~ 

Seonghwa and Juhyun sat down at the dining table at the end of the hall, insisting that they eat their lunch there instead of in their room (mostly out of Seonghwa’s need to keep everything pristine as if they never stayed there). Eunhyung and the helpers stepped out of the elevator carrying trays of food of various cuisines to set down on their table in anticipation for the rest of their family to join in. 

“All of this is for lunch?” Seonghwa gaped at the spread before them, and he could feel his stomach grumbling. There was a pot of army base stew next to roast beef, a bamboo box full of steamed soup dumplings next to a large bowl of Waldorf salad, 

“Apparently,” Juhyun looked just as surprised. “I think Eunhyung got too excited with the fact that we’re here.” 

As soon as they were about to sit down at the table, a young man dressed in a Lacoste polo, well-ironed trousers, and soft-spiked golf shoes appeared, followed by a woman who was presumably his wife, dressed in her pink and white tennis outfit complete with a visor, her brown hair up in a ponytail. 

“Ah, I knew more people would be here,” He said with a grin that Seonghwa sensed he only flashed for cameras. “Here’s my cousin, it’s been a while, Juhyun.” 

Juhyun’s expression fell as she turned around to face him. “Hello Daeyoung. It has, hasn’t it?” She said. 

Daeyoung worked as a senior executive in the Japan branch of the family business, yet the title was only a front as he was almost never in his office under the pretense of meeting with clients. While it was somewhat true, Daeyoung only met them at special brunches in the 5-star hotels, afternoons at the McDowell golf course the family company invested in. Daeyoung always made it a point to look his very best, almost too good for everyone else in a room (“What’s the point of all this money when we can’t even flaunt it?” he would always say). 

His wife Hyemin, was exactly like him. Juhyun was always surprised at how well their only son Soohyuk turned out. Soohyuk was a university student at Tokyo University, and was considerably more down-to-earth than his own parents.

Daeyoung turned to Seonghwa, then back at his cousin. He held out his hand.”Hello, I don’t think we’ve met. I don’t think we’ve ever been introduced at all, I’m Choi Daeyoung,” He said. 

“Park Seonghwa,” He replied, shaking his hand. There was an air of pompousness about him that everyone could easily perceive.

“Seonghwa, Juhyun’s husband, I presume? Or longtime partner? Or best friend?” Hyemin chimed in. 

“All three,” Seonghwa was quick to reply.

“So, what do you do, Seonghwa? What business is the family in?” Daeyoung asked, and both Juhyun and Seonghwa could tell it was an excuse for him to turn the conversation around. 

“I’m the art curator of the Mars Art Museum,” Seonghwa said. 

Daeyoung’s expression seemed to stiffen. “Oh. I’m working in the family business myself. I’ve been handling my father’s affairs in Tokyo. Big work, big work,” He said, as if incredibly proud of what he talked about. 

Juhyun fought the urge to roll her eyes. Hyemin, on the other hand, looked especially proud of her husband. “Husband, hmm? When did you two ever get married?” She said, as if mocking them. “Did you two get married and not invite us?!” 

“Oh, I don’t know,” it was Juhyun’s turn to speak. “We wanted a small wedding. It wasn’t anything fancy.” 

Hyemin raised a brow at her. “Hmm, I figured it wouldn’t be. It’s so unlike you. I mean, it hardly made Town & Country after all. Unlike that couple? Do Jihan and Kim Eunbi? Of course, I remember the magazine had to kill the other listing of this other couple. Monaco royalty was what they described them, more than the actual royalty of that place.” 

The mention of her ex-boyfriend’s name made Juhyun side-eye her and her cousin. “I could’ve worn my best Huntsman suit if you even so much as given us an invitation, Juhyun. That seems quite rude. You must’ve forgotten that entire etiquette class we took as kids, didn’t you?” Daeyoung turned to her again. 

“Oh, no, not at all. Like I said,” Juhyun eyed the two of them. “We wanted a small wedding, nothing fancy. You don’t need to compare my wedding to yours, yours was the bash of the year at that time.” 

Daeyoung and Hyemin grinned. “Oh it was, wasn’t it?” Hyemin said. “Well, we ought to leave the two of you alone, aunt Seonak may be arriving at any time today.” 

“Very nice meeting you, Seonghwa,” Daeyoung smirked as he led his wife away down the stairs. 

As soon as they were out of sight, Juhyun frowned and sat down, making Seonghwa do the same. Seonghwa understood why Juhyun hated them so much. They were simply dripping with condescension. 

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that, Hwa,” She said as they tucked into the food, already seeing Sangmin leave his bedroom and walk toward the table. Sangmin had gotten considerably taller, nearing the height of their father over the years. 

“It’s okay. I understand why you don’t like them very clearly now,” Seonghwa chuckled, placing the table napkin on his lap before he tucked in. 

“The less we see of them, the better,” Juhyun nudged him while they ate. “Hello Sangmin,” She said. 

“Noona, hyung, hello,” Sangmin sat down across from her, sleepily helping himself to the dishes in front of him. He noticed his sister’s expression. “Daeyoung hyung was here, wasn’t he?” He said. 

Juhyun nodded. “We had a little verbal duel earlier.” 

Sangmin’s eyes lit up at the reference. “Lunge and parry?” 

“Lunge and parry,” She repeated. Juhyun turned to her husband. “He took up fencing this year.” 

Seonghwa looked impressed. Just then, Jihyun and her fiance Bin arrived, coming from another room. Both of them looked like they took a nap among other things. “Oh, both of you are here! It’s good timing too, Bin and I were just about to ask the two of you to be our bridesmaid and groomsman, what do you think?” 

“When’s the wedding?” Seonghwa asked. 

“We were hoping to have a summer wedding, maybe in Lake Como or by the Amalfi Coast,” Jihyun mused. “But then I forgot that the two of you honeymooned in Italy, so we scrapped that place out. But we were definitely thinking of a destination wedding.” 

“Did you two try Cannes?” Juhyun suggested. 

Jihyun and Bin exchanged looks. “Not a bad idea. We’ll add it to our list of possible destinations,” Jihyun said. “But our question still stands, will you two be our bridesmaid and groomsman?” 

Juhyun and Seonghwa nodded. Jihyun squealed while Bin looked pleased as the two of them tucked into their food. 

~ 

Even as the entire Choi estate was sprawling, it seemed difficult to avoid Daeyoung and Hyemin, as wherever Juhyun and Seonghwa wanted to go, they would run into the two of them, with Daeyoung seemingly speaking to someone on video call while Hyemin took photo upon photo of herself wherever she went. 

Juhyun pulled Seonghwa toward the nearest golf cart, driving them to the guest house, seeing as Daeyoung and Hyemin were still speaking to some of the staff of the estate. “Where are we going?” Seonghwa chuckled as she drove them down a little slope toward the villa that was the guest house. 

“Here, I think they’ve already gone inside this place,” Juhyun grinned as she parked the cart. 

Even the interiors of the house matched the Spanish revival style, with paintings on the walls that Seonghwa realized were likely the original works of the painters, just from seeing the signatures on the bottom right corners. He made a mental note to look up the painters from the walls. Seonghwa looked at the paintings in awe. “Your grandfather’s an art collector too, huh?” He asked. 

Juhyun nodded. “Local artists. He liked supporting them,” She saw his expression at some of the works. “You look cute,” She laughed. 

Seonghwa pulled her close. “If the trust found out about these paintings, they’ll probably want to buy it.” 

“Maybe, we’ll see,” Juhyun said. 

Seonghwa led her to one part of the house, seeing a piano, and more pictures of the family on the walls. “This is all your family’s, huh?” He said, still amazed at the extent of the entire property. 

Juhyun sighed. “Yeah, it’s too big for me. I don’t think I’d last long living here,” She said. 

“Me too,” He chuckled. “I don’t think I can live in a big place like this. Can you imagine us? Living in this big a house? I mean we can probably live in the guest house, but not in the main house.” 

She laughed, knowing what he meant. “If grandfather gave this to me, I’d just have turned it into something else. Maybe a house where we could all just hold parties or something,” She shrugged. “There’s a lot of bedrooms, a lot of bathrooms, and even an elevator,” Juhyun pointed to the other end of the hall, where they saw the old-fashioned lift. 

Seonghwa looked even more amazed. “It’s definitely the kind of house we can have people over for a meal or for birthdays.” 

Juhyun smiled, sitting down next to him. “Yeah,” She rested her head on his shoulder. “It’s strange to start thinking about what I’ll end up inheriting or not inheriting when the time comes.” 

“It’s part and parcel of being a Choi, didn’t your mother tell you that?” Seonghwa wrapped an arm around her and she smiled. He remembered one Chuseok gathering, when he spent some time with the woman who was now his mother-in-law much like how she had Bin spend time with them as well. That serious conversation of what it meant to be part of one of the wealthiest families in the country, and perhaps in Asia. 

There was a kind of pressure, Seonghwa noticed, for marrying into such a family. While there wasn’t anything to worry about when it came to what they needed, there was the problem of internal drama, of controversy, of gossip. They had to remain unable to do wrong in the eyes of everyone. 

“Somehow, with how big this has all gotten, I kind of prefer spending time with my maternal grandparents instead,” Juhyun chuckled. “But then I remember they already died years ago.” 

Seonghwa gave her an assuring squeeze. “It seems like everyone preparing for the day your grandfather dies. No wonder they’re all coming here.” 

Juhyun scoffed. “No kidding. They’re only here because they kind of want to get one last thing from him, maybe convince him to change the will a little.” 

“It’s like living out a drama,” Seonghwa said, and they laughed. 

They suddenly heard the front door open, making them stand up, as if on alert, wondering who it was that came inside. 

“Juhyun?” 

Juhyun sighed in relief. “It’s just grandfather,” She whispered to her husband, who nodded. “Grandpa!” She called out, leaving the living room only to skid to a halt, when she saw that it wasn’t only her grandfather. He was flanked by a woman wearing a beige coat over a black turtleneck, jeans, a puffer vest, and white Miu Miu sneakers. Her dark brown hair was up in a tight bun, and she was looking at them like a cat ready to pounce. 

“Aunt Seonak,” Juhyun said while she and Seonghwa bowed a little low to greet them. 

“Juhyun darling,” Seonak pulled away to greet her niece with kisses on both cheeks. “It’s been quite a while. You must be Seonghwa, her husband,” She greeted him the same way, taking him by surprise. “You can imagine my surprise when I found out the two of you got married.” 

“They have, it was a wonderful ceremony,” Their grandfather said, smiling as he greeted his granddaughter, shaking Seonghwa’s hand as well. “Any kids yet?” 

Juhyun and Seonghwa chuckled. “We aren’t thinking that far ahead,” She replied. 

“Dad, don’t be silly, I don’t think Juhyun would ever be the type to have kids, or want them,” Seonak nudged the elder man. “But at least she has Seonghwa now, so she won’t be alone.” 

It was Seonghwa’s turn to somehow steer the conversation elsewhere. “So, I’d love to take a look at the paintings. Are they originals?” He asked. 

The man seemed to light up at the question. “Oh yes, an original Lee Bae, and Park Seobo too, they gave me these as presents a few Christmases ago,” He said. 

Seonghwa gaped. “Wow.” 

Seonak stared at him. “You like art, Seonghwa?” She said. 

“Oh yes, I run an art museum, all forms of art would be exhibited there,” Seonghwa said. 

Seonak smiled the kind of smile that reminded both of them of Daeyoung. Seonghwa figured he must have learned it from her. “You simply ought to know your stuff then. Have you ever attended the Met Gala?” She asked. 

Seonghwa shook his head. “Unfortunately no.” 

She chuckled. “Not your type? I know what you mean. It’s quite a quaint event. It’s lost its prestige,” She said. “Then you must have been to the Art Basel? TEFAF? ARCOMadrid?” 

Seonghwa shook his head again. Seonak’s expression stiffened. Juhyun’s grandfather seemed to have sensed the awkward turn. “Come on, Seonak, you can talk about your knowledge of art over dinner. If we leave now, we’ll be able to catch the first course,” Hyungsuk chuckled, patting Juhyun on the shoulder. 

He slowly turned around, walking out of the house and into the golf cart. Seonak pursed her lips. “You two might as well catch the next golf cart. Or at least walk back. It was very nice to meet you, Seonghwa. It’s been a while, Juhyun, don’t be too in a hurry to leave.” 

[sunbeamstress]

hrt diary stuff (12-19-23)

a long time ago, i was a clueless teenager who quite literally didn't know what transitioning was, but i was dating a trans girl who styled herself "leeta." i saw a boy, but she said she was a girl. i chalked it up to a neat loophole and we had our little thing. so it goes.

leeta lived a few towns over - between us was an endless corridor of lumber forest, a dusting of industrial infrastructure, and the fred hartman bridge. the bridge stuck out in my mind for the sheer spectacle of it. i was infected with that same imaginative germ that haunts the brains of midwestern kids, suffering from a kind of ennui of the eyes. something about having nothing to look at but gas stations and used car dealerships and brookshire brothers and that ugly medicinal yellow subway restaurant just shocks the visual cortex into near-constant overdrive.

so i would get picked up by leeta and her mom, and we'd listen to the pillows because we were obsessed with FLCL, and these big process-planted trees would careen by, over and over, and they bored me, so i'd shove them out of my brain so i could hold her hand (secretly) and daydream and daydream and daydream

that is, of course, until we got to the fred hartman bridge. the fred hartman bridge, bigger than texas itself, bigger than god, reaching grandly, and yet with a kind of reserved stateliness, i thought, into the cloudless blue sky!

every single day you're under your mother's roof and jesus is king and you have to be somebody you're kinda not. but then you see this ugly-ass shipping bridge, and in sync you and leeta roll down the window so you can drive her mom fucking crazy with the loud whooshing noise it'd make, and while she fusses with the windows you both sneak a quick kiss and in your dreamsick teenage mind, it feels a little like crossing into a warm, lovely, different world

to quote neal stephenson: something about this bridge became the spatial lattice on which virtually all of my dreams were constructed; the graph paper on which my mind seemed to need to plot things

so yeah, a different world. it was a cool world where my totally lame mom couldn't tell me what to do and all that stuff - but also it was a world where i could smoke pot and listen to secular music, and i could also hang out with/date my friend leeta, who said she was a girl and that was perfectly cool with me.

i don't remember as well as i wish i could. i remember we played the same MUD (which is kind of like finding someone with the same name and birthday) and we liked a lot of the same video games and anime. she was good at dance dance revolution and could play it in those enormous jnco jeans, and she liked to use suave vanilla shampoo, which to this day still triggers pleasant memories for me. i do remember the long and melodramatic letters that leeta would write to me about what it was like being leeta.

some of it made sense to me: tidbits of rebelling against mom, being called "fag" and messed with at school, etc. etc.

what didn't make sense to me: the bit where she would start crying in the shower because she would touch parts of her body and they felt wrong.

i think i struggle a lot with impostor syndrome, which hits me pretty hard at work (i really do not think i am an "engineer") but to a lesser and more insidious extent, when i ideate body dysphoria

i don't think it's super uncommon for people who are transitioning to worry if they're like, actually trans or if they're just convincing themselves they've followed some rabbit trail of seemingly related clues to the wrong conclusion. i've had dysphoria that hurts but most of the time, it's just something that i only notice is gone - and that's where the impostor syndrome comes to haunt me, brandishing leeta's letters, shoving them in my face, conveniently redacted of everything but the dysphoria references. it doesn't hurt, i'm not crying! it can't be real! i'm a trender!!!

but i had a really nice moment today where i got out of the shower and dried myself off, and as i always do, i took a little time to look at myself in the mirror. my hands came to rest naturally on my chest, in this very specific way. i've been doing it forever, even back when i would have told you i was a boy; elbows down by my ribs, wrists at 90 degrees, hands draped across my pectorals:

something about this posture has always felt off to me - i'd do it, my hands would get restless, try to rest somewhere else, only to snap back to my chest a few times before ultimately giving up.

but i've been on hormones for 8 months now, and i'm definitely starting to change shape, and so as i was checking myself out in the mirror, it occurred to me suddenly that i hadn't had to move my hands because they had something to rest on. they were touching exactly what they were supposed to ♥

[wishbonewitch]

Lore's Ghost Experiences:

a thread 🧵 as in i'll keep adding as i experience more~

when i was around 14 or 15, i was at a church that use to be a funeral home, surrounded on all sides by graves. i didnt believe in god by that point and was only there to explore the graveyard and hang out with my friends who were christian. well, i was alone in the youth room while my friends were doing something else in another room. i had on noise canceling headphones on and loud ass music blasting. the room had three doors on three different walls, i had turned to face the wall without a door while humming to the music. i suddenly felt a presence behind me, you know that feeling when someone walks up behind you. i thought it was my friends so i started to take the headphones off and turned around. as i faced the door directly behind me, a tall black figure rushed at me and passed through me. i screamed and fell. it felt like it pushed me down. the headphones slid across the floor. i looked around in confusion and felt... idk. i felt like it took a piece of me. my friends ran in and helped me up and asked what happened. when i told them, the one whos dad was the pastor said that there were spirits here and theres a black shadow. it had only been seen in fleeting glances until now but everyone felt like it wasnt friendly. after that, a medium and seer friend i had told me out of nowhere that i had a shadow that wasnt mine following me and it was covering my aura. since then, ive been working to rid myself of this and get whatever it took from me back. i dont know what it is exactly or why it did that to me. i dont know the extent of the damage it has done to me either. but i know that i will never forget seeing it and the feeling of being passed through. it felt like my insides got covered with thick ink.

(any fellow witches feel free to please let me know what you think this being was. dont just say demon please, i dont believe in pure good or bad like that. and i dont believe in christian interpretations of demons and angels. thank you for your advice!)

i was again at the funeral home church. i saw one of the good ghosts clearly. i was waiting by the front door for a friend. next to that door is an office of my friends mom. i saw movement from my side vision and turned my head. CLEAR AS DAY, i saw legs covered by blue jeans and brown boots walk the rest of the way into the office, the body was already in the threshold. i thought it was my friends mom so i went to the door to ask where my friend was. noone was in there. i stood there looking like an idiot when my friends mom did appear behind me and asked whats up? she was wearing a dress with flats. i asked for my friend and she told me she was in the youth room. the mom went into her office and closed the door. chills!

my house is haunted. none of the spirits are malevolent, at least not anymore. one of them, a man, lives in my room, in my closet. he sometimes wakes me up if i oversleep. the most vivid way he has was, i woke up to my alarm but turned it and all my others off. about five minutes of light dozing later, i hear a very clear audible "hey!" right in my ear. my back was facing the closet. i jumped up and said "im up!" as though someone was in my room. i looked around and didnt feel fear or confusion. i just felt thankful. i got up for the day after that. i have visual hypopompic (while waking) hallucinations but i dont have audible ones. and i dont have hallucinations while fully awake, audible or visual.

im not sure what this was... i was in my room chilling when i felt my house shaking. my first thought was something is outside. cause my area doesnt get earthquakes at all. it was bright and sunny outside. i move my curtain and look out the window and see a FUCKING PLANE. close enough i can see the windows and lights and writing on the side!! it was close enough that it shouldve scraped my backyard tree!! it was going down too and the area is wouldve landed had a house and a HUGE forest! but when i went to check. nothing?? and noone else saw the plane! i still cannot explain wtf that was. there arent any plane crashes in my area either.. i know it wasnt a hallucination tho cause i heard the engines and it shook the whole house and my cats were hiding cause they got scared by the noise.

[foodandfolklore]

The Talking Eggs

While perhaps not classified as a Fairytale, I came across Robert San Souci's Children's Story of The Talking Eggs. First Published in 1989. This Author has since passed away in 2014, but it really embodies the feeling of fairytales. I would not be surprised if he took inspiration from other fairytales. I myself see some themes from other folktales. If you can find the original 1989 storybook, I encourage you to give it a read. I think the illustrations are lovely and we were finally in a time period where visual depictions of black people are not just offensive stereotypes. However, it was also a time where children's illustrations were not as diverse as they are today. So despite it being a very magic filled, wacky tale, the pictures are much more serious and realistic looking.

Back in the old days there was a widow with two daughters named Rose and Blanche. They lived on a farm so poor, it looked like the tail end of bad luck. They raised a few chickens, some beans, and a little cotton to get by.

Rose, the older sister, was cross and mean and didn't know beans from bird's eggs. Blanche was sweet and kind and sharp as forty crickets. But their mother liked Rose the best, because they were alike as two peas in a pod -- bad-tempered, sharp-tongued, and always putting on airs.

The mother made Blanche do all the work around the place. She had to iron the clothes each morning using an old iron filled with hot coals, chop cotton in the afternoon, and string the beans for supper. While she'd be doing these chores, her mama and sister would sit side by side in rocking chairs on the shady porch, fanning themselves and talking foolishness about getting rish and moving to the city, where they could go to fancy balls wearing trail-train dresses and lots of jewels.

One hot day the mother sent Blanche to the well to fetch a bucket of water. When the girl got there, she found an old woman wrapped in a raggedy black shawl, near fainting with the heat.

"Please, child, give me a sip of water," the old woman said. "I'm 'bout to die of thirst."

"Yes, aunty," said Blanche, rinsing out her bucket and dipping up some clean, cool well water. "Drink what you need."

"Thank you, child," said the old woman when she'd taken swallow after swallow of water. "You got a spirit of do-right in your soul. God is gonna bless you." Then she walked away down the path that led to the deep woods.

When Blanche got back to the cabin, her mother and sister hollered at her for taking so long.

"This water's so warm, it's near boilin'," shouted Rose, and she dumped the bucket out on the porch.

"Here your poor sister's near dyin' for a drop of cool water," her mother screamed, "and you can't even bring her that little thing."

Then the two of them scolded and hit Blanche until the frightened girl ran away into the woods. She began to cry, since she didn't have anywhere to go, and she was scared to go home.

Suddenly, around a bend in the path came the old woman in the raggedy black shawl. When she saw Blanche, she asked kindly, "What's made you cry so, you poor child?"

"Mama and sister Rose lit into me for something that wasn't my fault," said Blanche, rubbing tears off her cheek. "Now I'm afraid to go home."

"Hush, child! Stop your crying. You come on home with me. I'll give you supper and a clean bed. But you got to promise you won't laugh at anything you see."

Blanche gave her word of honor that she wouldn't laugh. Then the old woman took her by the hand and led her deep into the backwoods. As they walked along the narrow path, bramble bushes and tree branches opened wide in front of them, and closed up behind them.

Soon the came to the old woman's tumble-down shack. A cow with two heads, and horns like corkscrews, peered over a fence at Blanche and brayed like a mule. She reckoned it was a pretty strange sight, but didn't say anything, not wanting to hurt the old woman's feelings.

Next, she saw that the yard in front of the cabin was filled with chickens of every color. Some were hopping about on one leg, some running about on three or four or even more. These chickens didn't cluck, but whistled like mockingbirds. But strange as all this was, Blanche stuck by her promise not to laugh.

When they got inside the cabin, the old woman said, "Light the fire, child, and cook us some supper." So Blanche fetched kindling from the woodpile outside the back door.

The old woman sat down near the fireplace and took off her head. She set it on her knees like a pumpkin. First she combed out her gray hair, then she plaited it into two long braids. Blanche got pretty scared at this. But the woman had been nothing but kind to her, so she just went on lighting the fire.

After a bit the old woman put her head back on her shoulders and looked at herself in a sliver of a mirror nailed to the cabin wall. "Um-m-m-hum!" she said, nodding. "That's better."

Then she gave Blanche an old beef bone and said, "Put this in the pot for supper."

Now Blanche was near starving, and the bone looked like a pretty sad meal for the two of them, but she did what the old woman said. "Shall I boil it for soup, aunty?" she asked.

"Look at the pot, child!" the old woman said, laughing.

The pot was filled with thick stew, bubbling away.

Next the woman gave Blanche only one grain of rice and told her to grind it in the stone mortar. Feeling mighty foolish Blanche began to pound the grain with the heavy stone pestle. In a moment the mortar was overflowing with rice.

When they had finished supper, the old woman said, "It's a fine moonshiny night, child. Come with me."

They sat themselves down on the back porch steps. After a time dozens of rabbits came out of the underbrush and formed a circle in the yard. The men rabbits all had frock-tail coats, and the lady rabbits had little trail-train dresses. They danced, standing on their hind feet, hopping about. One big rabbit played a banjo, and the old woman hummed along with it.

Blanche kept time by clapping along. The rabbits did a square dance, a Virgina reel, and even a cakewalk. The girl felt so happy, she never wanted to leave. She sat and clapped until she fell asleep, and the old woman carried her inside and put her to bed.

When Blanche got up the next morning, the old woman told her, "Go milk my cow."

The girl did what she was told and the two-headed cow with the curly horns gave her a bucket of the sweetest milk she'd ever tasted. They had it with their morning coffee.

"You gotta go home now, child," the old woman said to Blanche, who was washing the breakfast dishes. "But I tell you, things will be better from here on out. And since you are such a good girl, I got a present for you.

"Go out to the chicken house. Any eggs that say, 'Take me,' you go ahead and take. But if you hear any say, 'Don't take me,' you leave them be. When you get near home, throw those eggs one after another over your left shoulder so they break in the road behind you. Then you'll get a surprise."

When Blanch got to the little chicken house, she found all the nests filled with eggs. Half were gold or silver or covered with jewels; half looked no different from the eggs she got from her chickens back home.

All the plain eggs told her, "Take me." All the fancy ones cried, "Don't take me." she wished she could take just one gold or silver or jeweled egg, but she did what the old woman told her and only scooped up the plain ones.

She and the old woman waved good-bye to each other, then Blanche went on her way. Partway home she began to toss the eggs one at the time over her left shoulder. All sorts of wonderful things spilled out of the eggs: now diamonds and rubies, now gold and silver coins, now pretty silk dresses and dainty satin shoes. There was even a handsome carriage that grew in a wink from the size of a matchbox -- and a fine brown-and-white pony that sprouted from the size of a cricket to draw it.

Blanche loaded all these lovey things into the carriage and rode the rest of the way home like a grand lady.

When she got back to the cabin, her mother and sister just gawked at her new finery. "Where did you get all these things?" her mother asked, making Rose help Blanche carry the treasures inside. That evening the mother cooked dinner for the first time since Blanche was old enough to hold a skillet. All the time telling Blanche what a sweet daughter she was, her mama got the girl to tell about the old woman and the cabin in the woods and the talking eggs.

When Blanche was asleep, the mother grabbed Rose and told her, "You gotta go into the woods tomorrow mornin' and find that old aunty. Then you'll get some of those talkin' eggs for yourse'f so's you can have fine dresses and jewels like your sister. When you get back, I'll chase Blanche off and keep her things myse'f. Then we'll go to the city and be fine ladies like we was meant to be."

"Can't we just run her off tonight so's I don't have to go pokin' through the woods lookin' for some crazy ol' aunty?" Rose whined.

"There's not near enough for two," her mother said, getting angry. "You do as I say and don't be so contrary."

So the next morning Rose set out drag-foot into the woods. She dawdled mostly, but soon met the old woman in her raggedy black shawl.

"My sweet little sister Blanche tol' me you got a real pretty house an' all," said Rose. "I'd 'presciate to see it."

"You can come with me if you've a mind to," said the old woman, "but you got to promise not to laugh at whatever you see."

"I swear," said Rose.

So the old woman led her through the bramble bushes and tree branches into the deep woods.

When they got near the cabin Rose saw the two-headed cow that braid like a mule and the funny looking chickens that sang like mocking birds.

"If there ever was a sight, that's one! That's the stupiest thing in the world!" Rose laughed and laughed until she nearly fell down.

"M-hmh," said the old woman, shaking her head.

Once inside, Rose complained when she was asked to start the fire, but she made more smoke than flame. The old woman gave her an old bone to put in the pot for supper.

"That's gunna make a mighty poor meal." Rose said, crossly. She dropped the bone in the pot, but the bone remained a bone.

Next, the old woman gave her a single grain of rice to grind in the morter.

"This sad speck won't hardly feed a fly." Rose said. She wouldn't lift the pestle, so no rice was made at all. Thin soup for supper was all they had.

"Mm-hmm." The old lady said.

Rose went to bed hungry. All night long she heard mice scratching under the floor and screech owls clawing at the window.

In the morning the old woman told her to milk the cow. Rose did, but she made fun of the two-headed creature and all she got was a little sour milk not fit for drinking. So they had their breakfast coffee without any cream.

When the old woman lifted her head off her shoulders to brush her hair, quick as a wink Rose grabbed that head and said, "I'm not gonna put you back t'gether 'til you give me presents like my sister got."

"Ah, child, you're a wicked girl," said the old woman's head, "but I got to have my body back, so I'll tell you what to do.

"Go to the chicken house and take those eggs that say, 'Take me.' But leave be the ones that cry 'Don't take me.' Then you toss those eggs over your right shoulder when you're on your way home."

To be sure the old woman wasn't playing her a trick, Rose set the old woman's head out on the porch while her body sat groping around the cabin. Then she ran to the chicken house. Inside, all the plain eggs cried, "Take me," while all the gold and silver and jeweled ones said "Don't take me."

"You think I'm fool enough to listen to you an pass up the prettiest ones? not on your life!" So she grabbed all of the gold and silver and jeweled eggs that kept yelling, "Don't take me," and off she ran into the woods with them.

As soon as she was out of sight of the old woman's cabin, she tossed the eggs over her right shoulder as fast as she could. But out of the shells came clouds of whip snakes, toads, frogs, yellow jackets, and a big, old, gray wolf. These began to chase after her like pig after a pumpkin.

Hollering bloody murder Rose ran all the way to her mother's cabin. When the woman was the swarm f things chasing her daughter, she tried to rescue her with a broom. But the wasps and wolf and all other creatures wouldn't be chased off, so mother and daughter high-tailed it to the woods, with all the animals following.

When they returned home, angry and sore and stung and covered with mud, the found Blanche had gone to the city to live like a grand lady -- though she remained as kind and generous as always.

For the rest of their lives, Rose and her mother tried to find the strange old woman's cabin and the talking eggs, but they never could find the place again.

[krysta-cross]

🌈💧

🌈 Share something soft/fluff from your WIP

>>this is from MK:Andromeda fanfic where my OC Krysta is the FL. I jump from one chapter to another so I couldn’t really finish a chapter here 😅

🌈 Three days breezed by so fast that Krysta felt like it’s just been a day. She has been busy with her “preparations” that she rarely met anyone during the 3-days she asked of them as she is staying inside her room reading and watching videos as her friend suggested. The videos are bothersome than helpful as porn is going out of bounds and is not even a decent reference for love-making but she still watched it than do nothing.

The read ups are much better as she can visualize the actions using her imagination and they are just subtle, not overboard like porn. “I can’t believe that I will reach the point in my life that I will read and watch adult contents just to prepare myself.” Krysta whispered to herself as she flips the last few pages of the erotic book she is reading using her phone, noticing today’s date then whispered to herself “The days flew by so fast it has been already 3 days since then? God am I ready for this?” as she tries to calm herself before going out of her room after being holed up for days and meeting everyone on the mini library. Her heart pounds so fast as she reaches the door of the library. She held the knob and the cold metal sent shivers on her back. “C’mon self! It’s a daily routine you did for years so why are you chickening out now?” she argues with her thoughts as she twist open the door knob to enter the room. Her stare immediately landed at the men who were sitting down in their usual spots, waiting for her. Her nervousness shoots up as they all turned to look her way as she entered from the door but she tried to cover it up by smiling at them as she sits down on her chair. She sneaks a peek on them and they were all nailing their eyes on her which makes her feel conscious.

💧Share something romantic/hot from your WIP

>>this one is from my random write up titled “Bi-han’s punishment” which I haven’t posted here yet but If you want to read more of this lmk so I can post this by parts (this just have 3 parts) ^^

💧You looked up the dark night sky riddled with a few stars as your hand brushes the bushes on your side, feeling the leaves on the palm of your hand. It hasn’t been long since you went outside when a gush of icy cold wind blew on you, slightly lifting your robe making its way on your skin. You shivered a bit and rubbed your hands together, thinking that maybe it’s a bad idea to go outside during this time as it got colder. You blew your warm breath on your palms and as you turn around after deciding to go back in your room, you saw a shadow of a person standing beside the tree, with the moonlight slightly illuminating his silhouette you recognized him.

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” you asked, annoyed as you try to calm your wildly pounding heart due to shock and fear that washed over you thinking you were being followed by some serial killer only to see Bi-han walking close to where you stopped to take deep breaths to calm yourself down.

“Maybe I am, isn’t that exciting Y/N? Did it make your heart pound faster than normal? Haha….” he said in a teasing tone which annoyed you more so you threw a sharp stare at him to show that you didn’t find it funny. He met your dagger sharp gaze and closed a few distance between you as he lifted your face up from your chin. “Looks like you didn’t like my joke, Y/N but I find that annoyed expression you are showing sexy I could just bite you right now…” his warm breath washed just above your lips, sending a sparkling sensation over you which softened up your gaze. “I could’ve died with it so it’s not funny at all!” you exclaimed as you swat his hands off your chin and walked past him to head back to your resting area like you planned earlier. Bi-han lets out a short laugh and used his arms to lift you up from your waist to stop you from walking away. This has taken you by surprise and tried to escape his grasp by pushing his arms off you but he is stronger and no matter how you push his arm to free yourself it didn’t budge a bit. You flail your feet which were afloat as he is holding you slightly above the ground, your back touching his warm body as his grip tightened as you try to get off his grip on you.

“Woah, stop resisting now before you hurt yourself, princess. Remember what I told you before?” the blue clad man whispered near your ear and you felt like all of a sudden you were drained of all the energy you put up together just a while ago to free yourself, it seemed like your body immediately knew that this time, there is no escape.