#when you are somebody who values rawness in the music they are listening to

[bybdolan]

the person who sits next to me in some classes has really interesting taste when it comes to movies (very anti-Hollywood, very international) and it is obviously uber cool and they are much more educated than me in that regard etc but unfortunately they are not super fun to talk to about art :/

i feel youuuu. it’s the same thing with people who like older music from the 60s and 70s and judge people who are into modern music… its like, yes i love joni mitchell and bob dylan and all these guys but i can also really enjoy people like tswift and phoebe yk? the idea that “high art” is only exclusive to a certain group of artists is not itttt

Yes! I 100% agree with the assessment that the trend to label people pretentious simply for watching foreign movies or being into things that are only slightly off the mainstream path etc. is super dangerous and reflects a larger issue, howeverrr as with many things there is a bit of nuance to the conversation. Generally speaking, taste is something often shaped by circumstances beyond our control and the whole notion of "high" and "low culture" is a bit classist and also does not work when looking at the constantly changing landscape of pop culture, so there's that, but I also think it comes down to the simple question of how we interact with other people lol Like obviously it is ultimately not that deep and I am just making a bitchy little post on tumblr, but there absolutely are people whose good taste, be it intentionally or not, makes them talk down to people who might not be on the same level as them. Which is understandable to some extent, but can really ruin a conversation when one party is left with the feeling that their opinion is treated as something that should be corrected. And obviously it is never bad to critically examine a piece of media you are consuming, but sometimes you walk away from it still liking it! Because a lot of that is... subjective. It's just important to have a diverse media diet and be aware of which impulses the media you are consuming might have emerged from.

[nacrelyses]

normal album analysis as a musical: the child

first a disclaimer: i know this interpretation was not will wood’s intention in making the album, this is just how the music resonates with me and i hope it helps other people as well.

now following up on my last post about the normal album potentially being interpreted as the life of a queer child in a conservative family (tw internalized and external queerphobia, gaslighting, mental illness). 

let’s call this ..hmm.

a normal musical: the child.

suburbia overture: the aforementioned overture, the establishment of the musical setting as your typical white picket fence upper middle class suburb nuclear family. traditional values, traditional lifestyle, traditional children, with the vampire culture segment foreshadowing the way that imposing conservative values and self-loathing on a closeted queer child “sucks” the life out of them.

2econd-2ight-2eer: when the child starts questioning, the very act of questioning defies the moral compass their family has set out for them. possibly reflecting the way that questioning and exploring one’s identity, in addition to being rife with internalized queerphobia, is also fraught with the self-gaslighting that comes as a result of the internalized queerphobia, which might make the child believe they’re simply “losing it” or that whatever they’re experiencing is a mental illness. also the first stanza: “my grip on my secrets slipping while i’m speaking in tongues, screaming at the top of my lungs in the confession booth” religious trauma much?

laplace’s angel: the child has begun to come to terms with the fact that they are most likely queer, and the complete deterioration of their family’s imposed conservative values. this is the phase where the internalized queerphobia still makes them feel as though they’ve become a bad or evil person, thus laplace’s angel being them internally pleading for the world and for society to see them as they really are rather than a villain deviating from the norm. that if others were in their shoes, they’d walk the “same damn miles”, the same damn crises, the same damn emotional turmoil, that the child is currently going through .

i/me/myself: gender cannonball...need i say more? maybe the child believes, as a product of internalized transphobia, that it would be easier if they were their assigned gender - or perhaps, depending on the individual, maybe the child is wishing to be able to exist as their true gender. in either scenario, this song encapsulates the desperation that comes with exploring identity. the freedom that arrives with a revelation and the immediate restriction that comes with realizing that that revelation can never be truly realized in a queerphobic family. or even the bitterness at knowing their family makes such a huge deal about queerness, that queerness is somehow a gigantic roadblock their family will never be able to cross. both realizing your identity and still grappling with the idea that if you were born into the “norm”, you wouldn’t need to go through all this pain to try and figure out who you really are. it’s the turmoil of being genuine in a society that would actively oppress you for doing so and putting up a facade that somewhat lessens the aforementioned pain, but at the cost of further internal suffering. 

also, to my fellow genderqueer and gender nonconforming will wood fans (and let’s face it, which one of us isn’t?): i see you. i see your spotify listening activity. i see the loop button. i would ask if you’re okay but i know we’re not

...well, better than the alternative: parenting angst here, maybe alluding to the parents themselves perpetuating toxic cycles that they never had the opportunities to realize or heal from. the child is born amid these toxic cycles, and although this toxicity (the queerphobia, for example) is the norm in this suburban family, deep down the parents don’t want their child to turn out the way they do. meanwhile, on the other end, the child is feeling as though “everybody’s up in my goddamn business” - maybe the parents are starting to suspect that their child is less than cishet (or maybe the child has come out to them), and within their denial of their child not turning out the way they want them to, maybe they unconsciously realize that it’s their own toxic parenting styles that have made their child so afraid and secretive about who they really are. if this is the scenario that the child has come out to their parents, they have decided that even if they are existing in a conservative family, they will be existing as themselves. or if it is a closet scenario, the child has decided that they will continue to hide themselves from their family for their own safety. in either situation, the child believes that the decision they made is “better than the alternative” 

(this song also makes me remember hospitals a lot so there’s that)

outliars and hyppocrates: we start off with some more religious (trauma) imagery. maybe the metaphor of the apple is trying to indicate to the parents, through the conservative lens of seeing queerness as something bad, that the child was not “brainwashed” or “taught” to be this way. that they simply are. the rest of the song grapples with that internalized queerphobia, maybe the child feeling that they are less than human because of their queerness but who’d want to be human, be the norm, anyway? if the child is made to feel Other, then they ought to embrace and wear and own that Otherness - out of defiance, out of desperation, but ultimately out of a need for survival. 

blackboxwarrior: i want to focus on the chorus here. the child’s mental struggles are exacerbated by the lack of acceptance they receive from their immediate environment, but the chorus acts as sort of a defiance against their internalized queerphobia. so what if their parents’ values portray queerness as an illness, something that will kill you? if it was going to kill the child, it would have by now; and it hasn’t, so surely the child is heading in a right direction to be exploring and reclaiming their identity. and then the bridge - “growing up, how was your relationship with the fundamentals of conscious existence?” ties back to i/me/myself’s grappling with the idea of self and existence in one’s body. growing up, how was the child’s relationship with the environment that dictated how they ought to exist and be perceived? and “what, you think ideas spread because they're good? / no, they spread because people like them” can be pointing to the conservative ideas that are perpetuated by the child’s family. these ideas do not spread because they’re good. they spread because the family wants an excuse from some higher power to discriminate against those they feel are outliers from the norm. “so here we are once again, holding, as it were, a mirror up to your mirror / i guess it's just something people do” can be pointing to how the way the child is trying to come to terms with their identity is by overcoming the toxic ways of thought that their parents taught them, and which their parents are still bound by. if the parents are to find out that their child is queer, their reaction will be to ask, “why? we don’t understand you?” but they are really only talking to the mirror, to the reflection they have constructed that they believe their child to be. their child is not that reflection, and they are going in circles, but that’s just what people do, i guess.

finally, the bridge being formatted sort of like one’s first session with a therapist or psychiatrist leads into marsha, thankk you for the dialectics.

marsha, thankk you for the dialectics: a heavily psychiatry-based song. marsha thankk is about the intertwining of the self with the illness and i value that meaning a lot. i can’t think of another way, nor do i particularly want to think of another way, to embed this song’s meaning into the child. it has grown obvious by this point that the child has their own mental illnesses to grapple with - whether they arose as a need to cope within their toxic home environment, or out of other factors, is not particularly important to be clarified. i would say that the meaning of this song in this musical is just what it was originally intended to be - the child, on their path to recovery, slowly separating those toxic coping mechanisms from themselves in order to really realize their identity. 

love, me normally: i wrote a long ass post about this at 12am this morning. 

memento mori: the musical’s closure. this song embodies a lot of nihilism about one’s existence and one’s meaning in existence, and i would like to think that this song being the musical’s closure is not closure in the sense that it gives you a “where are they now” glimpse, or that it gives you the final direction that the child has decided to head in. rather, memento mori exists in this musical as the child’s innermost thoughts about their own existence as somebody who seemingly defies the (supposed cishet) order of the universe. it is the child’s darkest, most shadowed and hidden ruminations about their life and what their death may bring, if anything at all. throughout the child’s life, throughout the musical, these thoughts have only been hidden, obscured and glimpsed in passing when the lyrical puzzles of the normal album’s previous songs unfurl (think, “if it was gonna kill you boy, it would have by now” and “am i pretty enough to fucking die” and “good news for the purists, they’ve discovered a cure for the symptoms of being alive / it’s a painless procedure with a low rate of failure, but very few patients survive”, etc). but as the musical’s finale, memento mori brings these thoughts into their very antithesis - into the light. it illuminates the rawness of the child’s pain in learning to accept and love themselves. it brings these thoughts into tangible and articulated reality for two reasons: 

for the audience, as both a warning of the results of such a toxic and intolerant family/environment and an articulation of the thoughts perhaps many of us, ourselves, have to contend with at some point in our lives.

and for the child themselves, so that they can fully realize these thoughts. so that they can parse them, articulate them, unlearn them, and begin to heal.

memento mori in this musical is, paradoxically, a song about death that encourages life to heal.

anyways that’s what i’ve got so far now i have homework i should...do....oh god-

[roseskiesandbutterflies]

Pain Is So Close To Pleasure (modern!Queen x platonic!reader) - Chapter 2

Summary: As a recently promoted Soloist for the Royal Ballet, you move closer to Covent Garden with your three-year-old daughter, Rose. But your new neighbour turns out to be the last person you'd expect to pop up on your doorstep.

A/N: This chapter, but really this whole fic, has such a specific vibe and I love it?? Like I can relate to a lot of the things I describe, and I don’t know if that’s a me thing, or a British thing, or just a thing. Anyways I’m here for it. And if you’re not British and don’t relate to this fic in the way I do, and you’ve wondered what it’s like to live in Britain, this might give you a rough idea.

The chapter count for this crept up again because I’ve had about two or three more ideas for this. I think now would be a good time to mention that I’m treating this as more of a load of one-shots set in the same verse, rather than a story with a plot. That’s why it will start to seem more like a series of vignettes, not as a storyline.

As always, I hope you’re all doing okay with everything that’s going on, and I hope to have another update for you all soon. I hope you enjoy!

Warning(s): swearing

Word Count: 3.3k+

Inspiration: Incandescent by @immistermercury on AO3, Outed by @platawnic on Tumblr, Rock Angel by @mirkwoodshewolf on Tumblr, Brian’s Instagram, Modern Times Rock ‘N’ Roll by @rhapso-kei on Tumblr and AO3, this silly lockdown business, the fact that I should have gone to see Queen over two weeks ago but it’s fine

Taglist: @bhmay @briarrose26

Series Taglist: @banana-tree-freddiemercury @lillycarlyn (darling you didn’t say which taglist so if you want me to put you on the perm one then let me know)

Ask to be on either! Make sure to specify!

You popped your head round the door to the studio and smiled to yourself when you found it void of people. You switched the lights on, the charcoal-grey clouds outside casting a darkness over the Opera House; uncharacteristic for midday, but then it was London, and it was February. You couldn’t expect too much from good old British weather.

It wasn’t often that you had the opportunity of having a studio all to yourself, so when you did, you simply had to make the most of it. The way your timetable for the day had worked out meant that you had a longer lunch break than everyone else, not by much, but fifteen minutes was more than enough time to go over a routine you’d crafted yourself. So, seeing as you could afford to eat later on, and everyone else was either in the canteen or some café in Covent Garden, you decided to book one of the studios for your own use.

You connected your phone to the mostly unused speaker in the corner of the room and quickly found the song. Time was of the essence here, and you were most conscious of that. You lightly ran to the centre of the room, making sure you weren’t facing the wall-length mirror for watching yourself dance made you rather self-conscious, replacing passion with technicality. This dance was your own, you had created it, cradled it, held it oh-so-close to your heart; unlike anything you’d ever done professionally, this dance was all about the enthusiasm and the love with which you danced.

Freddie’s voice rang out through the studio, clear as day and filling each and every particle with the richness of his voice. The singular note was soon accompanied by harmonies and then the familiar piano motif of Somebody To Love. You smiled despite yourself as you began the routine.

You promised yourself that one day you’d perform this to someone, even if it was just Rose. But that day was a long way off yet.

The way you danced was unlike how you had ever done so on stage. You performed with a vivacity that many dancers lost so early on in their careers when they valued the physical quality of their dancing over the raw emotion of it. You considered yourself quite lucky that you hadn’t yet surrendered to that particular temptation.

You considered this song to be a crescendo in and of itself, just building and building as its many layers unfolded. You’d made sure that this was reflected in the choreography. Each section was grander a more extravagant than the last. You quite liked the simultaneous challenge and familiarity of it; it made for a good dance to return to when you found your head overflowing with your thoughts and anxieties. You made more and more use of the space as the song progressed, like you were contained by an invisible circle that gradually grew.

When the third verse came around, and Freddie’s voice temporarily faded into silence, fooling the nonchalant listener into thinking it was the end, you had a second to pause. You used it to inhale deeply before starting the fouettés that accompanied the acapella. One, then another, then another, more, more, more until you genuinely thought you were going to fall over. You persevered, however, pushing through all forty of the turns, and even though by the end you wanted nothing more than to lay on the ground and watch the world spin, you couldn’t stop yourself from beaming because holy shit you’d never done them all before. You shook off the feeling, allowing yourself to revel in it later; right now, you had the rest of the dance to get through.

You breezed through the rest of it, the highest jeté seeming insignificant compared to the dizzying hell you’d just put yourself through. When everything quietened down once again, and Freddie faded back into his falsetto, you came to a still in the centre of the ‘stage’, going up on pointe and gradually raising one leg into the air so that it was parallel to your upper body and then to your face. When the music kicked in again, you dropped it back down and returned to your original flow. With the last tiny piano chord of the song, you did a cheeky little jump with the biggest grin on your face, before curtseying to your non-existent audience.

Or so you thought.

A slow clap sounded from the doorway and you whirled round to look at the intruder, blushing furiously with the embarrassment of being seen without knowing. Your smile made a comeback, however, when you recognised the face.

“Wow, that really was something, (Y/N),” Brian whistled, “I’m impressed, truly.”

“Thank you,” you ducked your head, panting heavily. Your muscles screamed with exhaustion, and even though you wanted to just lay down and maybe have a nap, you stayed strong, refusing to appear rude to Brian.

Somehow, he seemed to read your mind, “You can sit down, you must be knackered. Don’t mind me.”

You smiled at him gratefully before sinking down in the corner of the studio next to your bag and grabbing your water bottle with desperation. You gestured to the spot next to you which he took gladly. “How much of that did you see?”

“Pretty much all of it,” he laughed, “I was about pop in for a chat but I saw you put the song on, and I thought I might as well watch.”

“Gosh,” you muttered, beginning to take off your pointe shoes to relieve your aching feet. You’d had back-to-back classes all morning and doing a routine such as that one after all of that just didn’t help.

“I didn’t know you guys danced to non-classical music,” he said.

You managed to get one shoe off, and you started on the other one, wrinkling your nose at the quite frankly disgusting smell that Brian was politely showing no reaction to, “We don’t. Well, I haven’t heard of it anyway. Even if people did somewhere, it would be an awfully long time before the Royal started doing it.”

He shot you a confused look, “Then how…”

“It’s my dance. I choreographed it a while back,” you shrugged, not really understanding what the big deal was, “That’s probably the best run I’ve done of it.”

“Wow, I,” he ran a hand through his hair, “That looked like something from an actual ballet.”

You ducked your head again with the kind of embarrassed pride that comes with compliments, “Thanks, Brian, that means a lot. I only made it a while ago. I,” you laughed self-deprecatingly before saying, “I’d just done quite possibly the worst audition of my life, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how shit it was. So, I just freestyled to some of my favourite songs and that happened.”

“You just made that up?” he asked incredulously.

“It wasn’t nearly as good as it was just then. I’ve been working on it for months until it became what you just watched. It’s been my little side project,” you mused, shoving your phone and both of your pointe shoes into your ballet bag. You poked your head up and peered through the huge window on the opposite wall, cringing at the heavy rain and how that wasn’t a good mix with the non-waterproof trainers you were now putting on, “Oh, shit, I thought it wasn’t going to rain until later. I don’t think I packed my umbrella,” you said, forgetting about your shoes for a second and rifling through your bag.

Brian placed a hand on your arm, “Relax, I have one, we’ll just have to share, if that’s alright with you?”

“Thanks,” you looked at him gratefully before returning to doing your laces.

“Where are you going anyway? You haven’t finished work already, have you?”

“Oh, I wish,” you laughed sadly. You did love your job, but today was just one of those days where you had no energy and just wanted to cuddle up on the sofa with a cup of tea and a box of Quality Street chocolates all to yourself and binge watch Miranda on Netflix. “No, I didn’t bring any lunch with me, so I thought I’d have a look and see which cafes have free tables. You’re more than welcome to join me if you want.”

About five minutes later, you found yourself running through Covent Garden Market while it was hammering it down with rain, sharing an umbrella with Brian that was way too small for the both of you. You were trying your hardest not to slip on the shining cobblestones beneath your feet, while also trying not to knock into any other pedestrians who, like you, were also running for cover. It wasn’t long until you reached your destination, a café that was a favourite haunt of yourself and Rose. It served at Rose’s Friday treat after she had finished preschool for the day, when the weather wasn’t too good and you couldn’t go to the playground in St James’s Park. You also frequented it on bank holiday weekends or half-terms where you’d been in the flat for three days straight and were in desperate need of some fresh air but had absolutely nothing to do.

You held the door open for Brian, hearing the little bell ring when it came into contact with the door, and you grabbed the umbrella from him as he entered. You shook it rather aggressively outside and popped it into the bucket next to you, filled to the brim with the umbrella of fellow patrons who unluckily got caught in the rain and had dived into the nearest establishment for sanctuary. You made your way to the only free table left while Brian queued up to order your food and drinks.

This wasn’t actually the first time you two had done this, though it was the third. The first time had been rather awkward, as from the second you put your shoes on to leave to the second you said goodbye, you were both repeatedly stopped by people wanting to talk to Brian. And even though neither of you ever complained, you had later admitted to each other that you had found it rather annoying. The second time wasn’t as bad, though at one point you had been stopped by a guy from some tabloid you’d never heard of asking for an interview. Much to your amusement, and Brian’s embarrassment, the guy had actually been looking to talk to you instead of him. You’d politely declined, offering to do it another time, but as soon as you’d sat down to eat, you teased Brian mercilessly about it, and still did every now and then. All it took was for you to say Brian look I’m more famous than you for him to blush furiously and ask you to please change the subject. Considering this was the third time now, the initial shock of oh my God I’m just casually having lunch with Brian May this is fine had passed. Now it was merely having lunch with a friend. Just that that friend just so happened to be an international icon. No big deal.

You looked up to see Brian making his way over to you, carrying a tray of food, and you smiled when you noticed that he’d remembered from last time when you’d told him what, in your opinion, was the best food this particular café had to offer. He sat down opposite you and plonked the tray down on the table, as you both started to work out who’s food and drink was who’s.

“How’s work been this week?” he opened up the conversation as he stirred his latte that had fake milk in it because I don’t know if their milk is locally sourced, (Y/N)!

“Not too bad, actually,” you said, taking a sip of your own drink and cringing when it scalded your tongue, “We’re just in our last week of rehearsals for The Winter’s Tale right now. Someone got injured on Tuesday, and our first performance is next Tuesday, so that’s not exactly ideal. But we’ll get through it, it’ll be fine, I’m sure,” you shrugged. The show must go on, you supposed. Pun not intended.

“Listen, (Y/N),” he started, his more serious tone intriguing you already, “I need to talk to you about something.”

You nodded slowly, “Okay…” You weren’t all too sure where he was going with this, and it was impossible to tell if the news he was about to impart was good or bad.

“I know this is very sudden, and there’s no guarantee that this will even happen, but I thought I’d ask you first,” he rambled for a moment.

“What, what are you on about?” you laughed impatiently.

He took a deep breath and said, “I have a business proposition for you.”

**************

The after-school pick-me-up was carnage at the best of times, let alone on a Friday which also just so happened to be the last day of half-term. Parents crowding around the doorway, desperate to reunite with their child and careless of who they had to shove out of their way in order to reach them. Children spilled out of the school, arms full of lunch boxes and month-old paintings that were meant to be rainbows and dragons but resembled something similar to an oil spill. Teachers waved goodbye with the odd word to the overly concerned parent, not-so-secretly relieved that their week off was edging closer, and hurrying everyone off because the sooner they left, the sooner half-term started. Something which parents had very split feelings over.

Not for you, however. You were more than happy to get Rose to yourself for the week, finding the flat way too still and silent and void of a child’s laughter for you to find remotely comfortable. And even though half-term would always mean a busy show week for you due to the sheer amount of families desperately needing something to do, you were still grateful for the time you got together. That may or may not be because you had spent the far majority of your adult life being a parent, but you weren’t complaining.

As per usual, you heard Rose’s shout long before you saw her face, but you decided that you wouldn’t have it any other way when you saw her run straight towards, “Mummy!”

You crouched down and hugged her tightly when she collided into your arms, almost overbalancing from the sheer force of it, “Hello, darling, did you have a good day?”

She pulled away and grinned at you, “Yeah! We had a dance party and we played games and we played musical chairs and I won and I got some chocolate!”

“Oh, wow, that’s really good Rose, well done you,” you bopped her nose and turned to the things she was holding, “What’s all this?”

She thrust a piece of sugar paper under your nose, “I did a glitter painting yesterday and it’s dry now! It has every colour in the whole world!”

You took it from her and looked at it, pretending to inspect it like a pretentious artist and putting on the poshest voice possible, “Well, I do think it’s rather splendid, if I do say so myself. Absolutely spiffing.”

She dissolved into giggles, “Mummy, you’re silly.”

You gasped in mock offence as you took her hand and started to lead her out of the crowd, “Excuse me, I’m not silly! I’m a very serious grown-up, don’t you know?”

“I don’t want to be a grown-up! Grown-ups are boring. I want to be little forever and ever and ever.”

“I’m a grown-up, do you think I’m boring?” you asked.

“Only sometimes,” she said very seriously, “Only when you talk about boring grown-up stuff.”

You chuckled slightly, “What about Rog and Bri? Are they boring?”

She laughed again as if you’d just said the funniest thing she’d heard all day, “No! They’re fun because they give me ice cream and they think of really good games,” she paused for a second, “Mummy, are we going to the park today?”

“Well, it is Friday so if you want to go then we’ll go. It is a very sunny day today,” you said, frowning when you noticed Rose’s face, “What’s up, sweetheart?”

She pouted as if deep in thought, “I don’t think I want to go today.”

“It’s perfectly alright if you don’t want to, darling. It’s half-term next week so we can always go another day,” you assured her, “Why don’t you want to go?”

“I feel a bit tired,” she said sheepishly, “I don’t want to fall asleep on the swings and fall off!”

“Oh, baby,” you said, heart swelling with the simultaneous silliness and adorableness of her logic, “I’d catch you before you fall, don’t worry. But we can go home if you want. We’ll find something else for your Friday treat.”

Her eyes lit up, “Can we have cookies? The nice ones with the big chocolate bits?”

“Good idea, darling, we can have cookies,” you did a quick mental run-through of what your biscuit tin was looking like at the moment and said, “I don’t think we have any of those ones at home so we’ll stop off at the bakery on the way home.”

“Yay!” she squealed before singing, “We’re having cookies! We’re having cookies!”

Rose spent the entire journey home singing that song, and even though you wanted nothing more than to never hear that tune again, you wouldn’t dare burst her bubble of joy. Besides, you didn’t think you could tell her to stop if you tried; she really was that cute. Or maybe you just told yourself that, so you didn’t feel like a terrible parent. You guessed you would never know. At least the lady who worked at the bakery found it endearing that a child could be that excited for something as relatively simple as cookies.

By the time you’d shoved the key in the door and the two of you had spilled into your flat, it was around half past four and Rose was positively exhausted, despite her best attempts to look and sound awake. You’d decided to have the cookies with some milk you’d warm up once you’d sorted out Rose’s stuff and gotten her changed from her long day at preschool. Then you just supposed you’d have some cuddles, and, with any luck, she’d fall asleep because the poor girl really needed it.

You put the radio on in the background before snuggling down on the sofa with her comfortably in your lap and your favourite honey-golden blanket draped over the both of you.

“I love you, Mummy,” she murmured against your chest before nibbling on the cookie that was bigger than her hand.

“I love you too, baby,” you said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and feeling her snuggle in more, as if that was even possible. You suddenly remembered your lunch with Brian, and the news you needed to impart, “I had lunch with Bri today,” you started, feeling her nod and carrying on, “He had a very cool idea, darling.”

“What was it?” she whispered, large, curious eyes looking up at you.

“He asked me if I wanted to work on a film, and I said yes,” you smiled, watching her face light up with the muted excitement that was usually paired with some element of confusion.

“A film? Is it a big film? Like Tangled?” she asked, suddenly much livelier than before.

“Yes, sweetheart, a bit like Tangled, except there’s going to be real people in it instead of animated people,” you explained.

“What’s the film about?” she was getting more curious by the second and it just made your heart leap with pride.

“It’s about the band that Rog and Bri are in, darling. It’s the story of how they got famous,” you grinned.

“Who are you in it?”

“Ooooooh, I couldn’t possibly tell you that yet, I’ve got to keep it a secret,” you said judiciously, smiling when she pouted at you, “I’ll tell you another day, sweetheart, don’t you worry.”

“Promise?” she asked hopefully.

You brought her into a hug again and whispered, “Promise.”

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision  2010s: 25 - 20

25. Francesca Michelin - “No degree of separation” Italy 2016

Man, we’re deep into the endgame and at this point every elimination starts to mentally hurt. 

“Nessun grado di separazione” is a fantastic song. it is a moody, melodic, genuinely touching showcase of palpable social anxiety, brightened up by frivolous jiggles and Animal Crossing-inspired staging. 😍 Its lyrics tackle the subject of “falling in love” with disarming accuracy and poetic justice. When you fall in love with somebody, it really is a question of resistance, of trying to stay level-headed and rational, of trying to not speak from the mind, not the heart, and then flare of emotion lights up from the inside, carving a path in your chest, until

THERE IS NO DEGREE OF SEPARATION

THERE IS NO DEGREE OF HESITATION

THERE IS NO DEGREE OF SPACE BETWEEN US

WE ARE STARS ALIGNED TOGETHER

DANCING THROUGH THE SKY, WE ARE SHININ’

Hands down my favourite language shift ever. Each time Francesca delivers it, time stands still, as you take in the expanse of the universe, the beauty of love and the profoundness of life. 

Naturalmente, Francesca is also a fantastic performer for me. It really pains me that she was less good in the Grand Final, because her SF performance was genuinely worthy of a top five spot on this ranking. Yet, at the same time, Francesca is clearly upset at herself that she was worse and god my overthinking, underachieving perfectionist-with-a-crippingly-fear-of-not-being-good-enough self can RELATE SO HARD to that. 😭

*YOU* ARE PRECIOUS, Francesca. Grazie.

Easily the best entry Italy have ever brought at Eurovision...

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24. Mahmood - “Soldi” Italy 2019

...until “Soldi”. Alessandro is mah MOOD

What a delight “Soldi” was. Shame on me though. Between, all the madness of Hatari’s assholery, Serhat’s qualification, ZalaGasper’s interview gold, Bilal’s revamp, Michela & Miki’s staging miracles, Sergey’s struggles to keep his homosexuality under wraps, Duncan’s staging disaster, Jurij’s bedroom eyes and 2019: A Kate Oddyssey, I had completely forgotten about Mahmood.

Which made the rediscovery of “Soldi” all the greater. 😍 THIS 👏 SONG 👏 FUCKING 👏 SLAPS. 👏 even the B-material things such as the snappy camerawork, the arabic middle-eight and rhyming “Ramadan” with “Jackie Chan” are mindblowingly awesome. 

It hard to pick a favourite aspect though. The backdrop, the beat, the dancing, Mahmood’s vocals and miming all come together in a song that is supereffective in getting the pain across while also simultaneously remaining fun, addictive and highly energetic. Mahmood completely DISMANTLES bad parenting while also clowning the xenophobic pieces of shit that tried to bully him off Eurovision. It’s that combination of genuine emotional pulling, righteous ownage and let’s face it, a fucking amazing song that makes coming back to Mahmood for another listen the easiest decision ever. *CLAP*CLAP*, motherfuckers. 👏

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23. Lea Sirk - “Hvala, ne!” Slovenia 2018

[2018 Review here] (shared with ZiBBZ)

HVALA SLAY SLAY

Best moment of 2018: Lea Sirk becomes the best shock qualifier of ALL TIMES. Honestly, a trash fairy with a trap song that she wrote in under two hours has NO BUSINESS being this good, but it is. 😍

 Remember the Israeli’s that cheered for Hatari? “Hvale, ne!” is the jury equivalent to that. It’s a song that righteously calls out the FAKENESS of the music industry <3 THAT WAS ALSO LIKED BY THE JURIES <333332456 😍😍😍

Besides this “Hvala, ne!” is a wild ride taking us to lands of cotton candy braids and trashbag couture with an impeccable, show-stopping choreography, an earworm of a beat and just general kick ass energy. Lea operates on a near-inhuman level of pure CONTENT. Every second she delivers something of value, be it choreography or a snarky note or a hilarious facial expression “Hvala ne!” is riddled with little nuggets like that, which are hard to list in text, so here are a  couple of gifs:

and yes, of course, the “break”. 😍

Being able to pull that off not ONCE, but TWICE and STILL making it look fresh and novel <3 “Hvala, ne!” is effortlessly sleek, unapolegetically non-conformist, shamelessly gimmicky and 100% pure awesomeness. Slovenia may be a tiny country geographically but they burst with raw TALENT. Obrigado sim! 

ps: Slovenia reportedly hating Lea now because she was trashtalking ZalaGasper’s victory over RAIVEN <3  lmfao Lea <3 ANGELS <3

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22. Who See - “Igranka” Montenegro 2013

💃 Vodim te na IGRANKU 💃 💃 Na na na na  IGRANKU 💃 💃 Ku ku ku ku IGRANKU 💃 💃 Vodim te na IGRANKU 💃

I should not get ahead of myself, but jesus fuck, what a TRIP. 

So anyway, are Who See dressed like austronauts to signal that “Igranka” isn’t of this fucking planet, or? “Igranka” a fun party song, in which Who See tramp about dressed like Armstrong and Lightyear, flanked by 2013′s ubiquitous dubstep. Good? Sure.🤔 Funny? Certainly. 😁 However, nothing superexciting so far.

Until... 

Who See go from a weird heteronormative rap effort that is lowkey fun to an utterly unhinged acid trip the SECOND Nina Zizic is lifted onto the stage by a dumbwaiter and then proceeds to collect every scalp in the gaylaxy. Remember how I said 2013 had EPIC female entrances? This is a top five entrance probably in the history of live performances. SLAIN, DECEASED, EVAPORATED every single time. 

Europe’s cyborg seraph.

and I mean, you’d think this one-time gimmick would get stale over time, but “Ingranka” actually gets better with every listen. I’m at the point where I can NO LONGER resist the ululating siren call to don a visor and a pair of pvc wings, and make overdramatic shouty entrances everywhere just like Nina the few times I choose to leave my mother’s basement. VODIM TE NA IGRANKU. 

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21. Cleo - “My Slowianie”  Poland 2014

CLEO... Donatan?

Is this Donatan shade for not being there? GOOD! We at BorisBubbles (so basically, I) believe in gender equality and since the wymyn do all of the work here, I’ve decided to not credit him. 🤭

Anyway, let’s just JUMP right in because dammit “My Slowianie” is such a RIDE. It’s entire objective appears to be... to convince everyone that ~Slavic Women~ are better, at everything than non-slavic women and, well, being slavic myself this message speaks to me. Not to mention that Cleo teaches us this paramount interculteral lesson in the most hilariously blunt fashion ever. 

SPECIAL THINGS WE HAVE IN OUR GENES

MAKES US PROUD OF OUR NATURAL SHAPES

CREAM AND BUTTER TASTE SO GOOD

WE PREPARED FOR YOU DELICIOUS FOOD

OUR BEAUTY’S FAMOUS ALL OVER THE WORLD

YOU GOTTA SEE FOR YOURSELF AND THEN YOU WILL KNOW 😉

and dammit Cleo doesn’t underdeliver, doesn’t she? Three minutes of loud in your face SUPERIORITY. 😍 One could argue that “My slowianie” is SOCIALLY REPRESSING WOMEN, like many terfs did but like... get over you -- Sophie Ellis-Bextor, BorisBubbles. I don’t think any of us have the right to tell (other) women what they can or can’t do because of their breasts and oestrogen. These ladies agreed to do this song/act and are completely facetious while doing it. It’s a spoof. Laugh. or don’t laugh, I don’t care, really. Be a humourless non-slavic frump if you must. As far as I am concerned, “My slowianie” is a thing of CHARMING BEAUTY :shakes what his momma gave him:/ :claps his hands to this music:

and in this update we say goodbye to Italy, Montenegro and Poland. Read my thoughts on them below:

ITALY

Italy before their return is one of the biggest snoozefests in Eurovision and now look at that chart. They were near impeccable in this decade and hopefully can win a third time soon (honestly the fact that they came so close to winning four times in this decade and still didn’t is one of the biggest mysteries of 2010s Eurovision imo.)

MONTENEGRO

Montenegro are the Georgia of the Balkans: they often go for experimental shit, just cuz they can. Unfortunately, their shit often is just that: shit. 

POLAND

Poland at Eurovision is a big ball of meh, mostly because they can’t, at all, select songs or entrants that sound good. Cleo and Michal are forever though, so it’s not completely without merit. 

[aworldoforange]

Singular Act 2 Album Review

Here is my track by track review of Singular Act 2 by Sabrina Carpenter. (idk who’s interested but I’m doing this because I want to lol). I will be ranking each song out of 10 points, Feel free to tag this or comment with your fave tracks if you have heard the album.

In My Bed (10/10): A mellow but moving opener to the album. The song explores the emotions you feel when you overthink something or are overly anxious and it makes you want to stay in your bed or mentally be in bed and not deal with it. The song’s tempo starts slow then slowly increases into a steady rhythm that perfectly fits the moody self-reflective vibe of the song. The lyrics are very relatable anyone doubting themselves or struggling to balance their emotions to get what they want or need. I definitely recommend this track to anyone who asks I think everyone will be able to relate to it in a way.

Pushing 20 (9/10): An upbeat bouncy beat that stays steady with the no-nonsense confident and impatient lyrics regarding someone who is wasting Sabrina’s time and not taking her seriously despite being on the verge of adulthood. Despite the song referring to turning 20, anyone can relate to this song in terms of getting rid of the people in your life who waste your time and don’t give you anything but frustration, The lyrics are sassy and fun with the chorus being chanty and easy to remember so don’t be surprised if it gets stuck in your head.

I Can’t Stop Me ft. Saweetie (8.5./10): A trap inflected anthem about liking what you like and not being ashamed of it no matter what anyone says despite you knowing it may not be the best thing for you.The mixed message and Saweetie’s adlibs cutting off Sabrina’s vocals may make this track offputting on its first listen but it may just be a grower as it took me three listens to get into it. Saweetie’s verse exudes her confidence that comes across as far more mature than Sabrina’s lyricwise but contributes to the powerhouse atmosphere of the song in a way that works solidly. 

I’m Fakin (10/10): This self-confronting song has light hearted breezy slightly tropical production that may hide the true subject matter of the song. Sabrina admits that despite the issues she is having in a relationship she never truly intends on leaving and only says it seem like she has the upper hand when she really wants to stay. For me this song is the easiest to bop along because of its airy yet swift beat that gives this song a pleasant moment that offsets the lyrics that may be taken more seriously with different production and give the song a different vibe. The chorus is a real earworm that may bounce around in your head for a while but you may not mind it at all. 

Take Off All Your Cool: (9/10): This song about liking a person when they act like themselves and not try to put on a facade comes with a unique building production that seems to lead to heavy beat drop but pleasantly surprises you with a chill beat drop that reminds me of the sound of a water droplet dropping into a puddle of water. It feels refreshing after the heated and commanding vocal delivery Sabrina displays in the prechorus that gives the song a romantic and summery vibe. 

Tell Em: (10/10): Tell Em is a sensual and romantic song that is the musical equivalent of a warm embrace. The production may be reminiscent of the R&B influenced songs from Ariana Grande’s sweetener or maybe even thank u next. However, Sabrina offers hushed and intimate vocals that makes the song much more personal and delicate than any of those songs. The song is about knowing the relationship you have with someone but not needing to tell anyone else because it is so valuable between the two of you alone. This is another song I definitely recommend as a must listen song and a highlight of the album, and as a highlight in Sabrina Carpenter’s discography overall.

Exhale (10/10): Raw and revealing lyrics about the true mental state Sabrina is facing power this stripped back ballad about needing to take a breathe from all the stress and tension in her life from her family, record label and her own anxiety and self-doubt. This song handles the topic matter of anxiety in a very raw and realistic way that feels much more like a confessional then a glossy, broad take on the subject that is too generic for anyone to truly understand how the singer is actually feeling. The only problem with this song is too short (2 minutes and forty seconds) but you feel as the song ends you feel Sabrina got everything off her chest and exhaled and the song suddenly feels more complete than before.

Take You Back (10/10): Sabrina jumps back into her sass mode as she snaps at someone in her life who she previously let in but realizes isn’t actually making her happy and only giving her problems so she wants to get rid of them. She relies on lyrical humor to relate getting rid of this person to taking back a product she wasn’t happy with back to the store, calling her decision to be with them a case of “buyer’s remorse”. The title alone is ironic since it may fool the listener into thinking they will be hearing a song about wanting somebody back in their life when it is exactly the opposite. This track is my personal favorite for its lyrical themes and humorous approach alone.

Looking At Me (10/10): The album comes to a powerful close with an upbeat Latin-influenced thumping disco beat about being so confident with yourself that when you’re in a room with lots of people you say know their eyes are all on you because you give off such confidence. Sabrina gives us more playful lyrics and powerful sassy vocals to bring the album to a riveting close. Out of all the songs on the album this definitely seems like the best choice for a single. This song could very easily start up a dance party and get everyone on the dance floor. If you ever need a boost just turn up this song and dance your heart out.

Overall this album was very strong and definitely has replay value in pretty much all of its tracks for me. I definitely recommend giving the album a listen I don’t think it will disappoint anyone who does, 

Grade: A

Must Listen Tracks: Take You Back, Looking At Me, Tell Em, In My Bed, I’m Fakin, Exhale

[herselfportrait]

SPOTLIGHT: ALAN RAW

(Written for Soundsphere Magazine) 

The question isn’t ‘what has Alan Raw done?’ – you’d do better to wonder what he hasn’t. With an illustrious career in the creative industries, spanning from hosting BBC Introducing for Humberside & West Yorkshire, to being CEO of The Creative and Cultural Company, not to mention a life-long passion for drumming in which he is a professional, Alan Raw has done it all and more. To describe him simply as successful is true, but isn’t enough; far deeper than his accomplishments, it’s Alan Raw’s approach to his work, the philosophies he adopts, that makes this man not only a pleasure to talk to, but a pleasure to read about. 

“I do lots of jobs which are loosely around art.” Raw tells us, “That could be visual art, it could be music, or performance. It’s very much around arts and business - especially the social part of business. I’m CEO of The Creative and Cultural Company which is a social enterprise, and that’s been going on in one form or another for 25 years now. It has never had any funding: it’s a not-for-profit organisation run by a board of directors who are all volunteers; we do have sponsors – not cash sponsors – but sponsors who help in other ways. I suppose over the years I’ve become quite good at helping other people start social enterprises and helping new entrepreneurs who want to work in a more social and democratic sort of way. I also coach quite a lot, performers, artists, other CEOs - anyone who could do with a little bit of help. I present BBC Introducing in Humberside and West Yorkshire: the physical DJing of it, the presenting and explaining as much as I can about an artist as I can so other people can engage with them. I listen to tunes along with my team to try and give people who may have never released anything, who may have only recorded things in their bedroom - but have incredible talent - and give them the chance to go from where they were to getting played on maybe Radio 1, 1 Extra, 6 Music or something like that – and hopefully a live session.”

Bearing that in mind, it should come as no surprise that Alan Raw has not had a holiday in over 16 years. A fact like that should evoke gasps from the audience, so what is it about his job that he just can’t keep away from? How do you work every day for 16 years and stay motivated to carry on? “I like the environment in which I work, and I want to make that more normal. I want people to work with each other; help each other; empower each other, rather than the usual metaphors which relate to business that are about ‘battles’. I don’t want that to be the metaphor for my environment that I work in. I just enjoy the process of seeing someone do well. I actually enjoy meeting someone who has a need which I think I can help with. I don’t want them to be in need, but if they turn up with one I can help with then it’s like “Oh, great!”, and I’ll help with that. I always feel the need to be supporting a new team. With bands especially, I like to cheer someone on and I get great delight from seeing them succeed – even better if they know they have, and it makes them happy. I’m a Buddhist, and it’s kind of common in my circles to be happy by helping other people, so it fits with my spirituality. I’ve got some skills: I want to use them, not lose them. I curate a lot, I curate a lot of exhibitions and I teach other people how to do that as well. It keeps me thinking.”

With a finely-honed ear for music, as well as a talent for drumming that has led him to be profiled by none other than John Peel on Channel 4, Radio 1 airplay and tours all over the world, what would Alan Raw advise musicians on what they need to do to stand out in their circles? “I was lucky enough to have been born into a musical family. My dad made it very clear to me that I couldn’t just be the drummer in his band. I had to spend the other 23 hours of the day making the most of the environment I was in. We were constantly travelling, constantly playing music at different festivals and things like that. Most of the time I was just waiting to do the same myself. My dad introduced me to sound engineers, light engineers, roadies, filmmakers, managers, photographers – everything - and said, “Can I leave my lad with you for half an hour, because he’s interested in what you’re doing.” A lot of that kind of thing happened. I was encouraged to do more of that and that’s what I’ve always done. If you can learn even a little bit about what everyone else is doing in your industry, then it stands you in much better stead in two ways: one is that you are able to ask other professionals for what it is that you need from them in a much more coherent way, you have a much better understanding of what that means, the weight of what it is that you’re asking them to do, and what it should cost as well. The other thing is you’re able to do a lot of things yourself on a budget. You’d recognise that you might want to get something remastered by a professional in the future, but you can certainly record things yourself. It means that you can be much more financially sustainable in your early days of being a musician.”

In the creative industries, the unwritten rule is that if you want work, you have to go to London. Though this is a widely held preconception, just how true has Alan Raw found that to be, in his experience? “In Hull we have no problems with internet signal. It doesn’t really matter where you are, as long as you’ve got the internet, you’ve got a phone, and you’re able to make enough money from something to keep those things. It depends on your connections and how well you manage them. You’ve got to be organised. It doesn’t really matter how many resources you have, it’s more about how you organise yourself. You can know ten million people and not benefit from any of those relationships. It’s about turning up on time to things, making arrangements to meet people for a cup of tea or a cup of coffee, having conversations and seeing where you can go with that. None of that is going to have an effect on helping you unless you have an idea about what it is you want to have happen. It’s about doing what is sometimes called ‘future pacing’, which is thinking, When everything’s what I want it to be, and I wake up that morning and it’s my perfect day doing what I do, what do I see, what do I feel, what do I hear and what had to be true for that to be possible? and then just work backwards. Then hopefully, everyone you meet and every resource you come across, you won’t just filter out, but you’ll notice it and think, That’s one of the things I need. People can very easily be tricked into thinking that they need to look for what they need all the time, when you really ought to be thinking about what you can give rather than what you can get. It is a trading situation. You are trading with people. It’s just the simplest things that people do all the time, like band exchanges – they would never exist unless one of them thought, I can actually help the other one out. If you’re constantly thinking, What can I get out of this? What does the world owe me? What can I take from these situations? - then it’s not going to be a trade-off. What you need to be thinking is, Okay, what can I do for someone else, and does that have a value? If it does, what can I weight that against, and can we swap? You’ll get a very real feeling for what something is worth in time.”

Broadcasting is almost as covetable as work in music. Undoubtedly, many people regard Alan Raw’s job as host of BBC Introducing for Humberside & West Yorkshire with envy. “I got the radio show completely by accident. I was organising a festival. At the time I was the music worker at The Warren, and when I arrived there in ’99, I brought with me a festival called Impro Festival which I started in ’97 in the youth service when I was an arts officer there. I said to Keith at The Warren – who isn’t there anymore, but he’s a legend – “I’d like to involve The Warren in doing this.” One thing led to another, I ended up working as a youth worker at The Warren and bringing the festival with me. At the time, the BBC were looking to work with a festival, so we ended up working together. I was putting on lots of acts: some big names as well as local acts, trying to bring them forward by putting them alongside other people. I was introducing bands onto the stage because I didn’t know anyone else who did that, and I was DJing a bit, putting tunes on in between, and the BBC said, “This would sound quite good on the radio”, and at the time it fitted in with things that they were doing. It was all accidental. I did point out to the BBC three or four other people who I’m convinced would do a better job than I could. I’m a drummer, and they were singers. I said, “You want somebody who’s good at talking to people. You need these guys, not me.” But they insisted it was myself that did it. It was supposed to be six-week project – and I’m still there. Every show could be the last!”

Due to the competitive nature of the creative industries, with hordes of people vying for a single position, what qualities set you apart from the rest? “I’m always impressed the most by people who are proactive. People who notice what needs to happen without it needing to be pointed out to them because they just have their own opinion of it and think, Okay, what, to me, is a good job? If it’s done well, it’s like this. Then they notice how that fits against what’s there. If they think, Well, that could be better, then they have a think about how and if they could help with that. Then they speak with you and say, “I think this could be better. It’s great, but it could be even better if it was like this, and I can help with that.” Either that, or they don’t say anything, because they see something that needs doing and they just do it. Apart from that, be reliable. Put the hours in, be there early. Just go the extra mile and do a bit more. You’ve got to be creative; to get to think creatively, you’ve got to get to know yourself, your skills, the people around you and their skills. It sounds really simple, but it’s really hard to do. You’ve got to train yourself to think better. The world actually doesn’t owe you anything. You’ve got your basic human rights, and one of those isn’t ‘must have a great job’.

For most of us, it’s irrefutable that Alan Raw is successful – just look at what he’s achieved. But success isn’t necessarily quantified by the boxes you’ve ticked: “When I know that I’m giving more than I’m taking, then I think that’s a good measure of whether or not I’m successful. Sometimes to get to be successful in something, you’ve got to take. You’ve got to earn the money, you’ve got to use resources and ask for favours and pull all of that together and work hard. But when you get to the position where you can actually be giving, rather than taking, and you’re doing stuff for the people around you, I think that’s maybe a reasonable measure of you doing well.”

As a veteran of the creative scene, particularly in Hull, without a doubt Raw will have more than a fair few moments of glory, be those for himself, or those he’s mentored. What are the highlights of his career thus far? “Well, I’d like to think that I haven’t finished yet. I’ve got close to being successful. One measure of success for me is making myself redundant. In the Creative and Cultural Company, for example, if I’ve made myself redundant, that means I’ve created a sustainable and continuous thing. If I drop dead today – I will one day - everything will carry on, it will be successful for everyone who’s in it and there will be no detrimental effect to the organisation. That would be empowering. But it goes much deeper than that. It’s the same for my son; I’d like to think that I’m a good enough dad to get him to a point where he doesn’t need me anymore. The same for my partner. I’d like to think it about my job, the radio, too. Can you imagine if I managed to play some small part in getting the local music scene to get to a point where it doesn’t need us anymore? Imagine a point where all the artists are much so involved in running it themselves, managing it all themselves, own the infrastructure, manage all the organisations that are required, and keep it democratic. Wouldn’t that be amazing? That’s proper success. It’s all about making yourself redundant.”

What can the future possibly hold for Alan Raw? Though he shows no signs of stopping, he is planning on slowing down: “I want to get to more gigs. I’m playing less gigs now, as a drummer, so surely that means that I get to go to more gigs? But, other things fill the vacuum, don’t they? I’ve got lots of exhibitions going on as a curator, all kinds of things, workshops, masterclasses - all that type of thing. Also, my radio shows are on a Saturday night, which is when there are a lot of gigs I’d like to be at. Apart from that, I’d really like to work towards a time when I can reflect on everything, turn up to some of the events that I’ve been involved in in the past, cheer people on, enjoy watching artists, go to exhibitions that I have nothing to do with, read books by people much more intelligent than myself, and maybe get to the point where I can step away from Creative and Cultural Company, knowing that it is totally sustainable and doing well. Then actually I might be able to do some art again – I am actually an artist, I just don’t get a lot of time these days.”

When he does take a step away from work, what does Alan Raw do to unwind? “I’m part of a number of groups and organisations which area about thinking, about creative thinking, coaching, that kind of stuff. They’re some really nice people who I meet with, spend time with and just think about stuff with. One of my favourite things we do is debate. There just isn’t enough debate going on in the world. There’s plenty of arguing, but there doesn’t seem to be many decisions being made with democratic debate. It seems more to do with social media and reinforcing views that you’ve already got. I try and spend as much time as I can in groups, informal and formal, doing that sort of thing, trying to make ourselves better. A lot of that comes from my days at The Warren, a place that is run democratically by young people, so, I know that sounds like work to some people but it’s actually what I love and end up doing a lot outside of work.”

Alan Raw has always been deeply interwoven into Hull’s creative industry. Since being bestowed the title of City of Culture in 2017, Hull has thrived, finally able to support its burgeoning talent, elevating it being a national – if not international – point of interest. “I am one of many people in this area who has worked really, really hard: people like Stewart Baxter, Mez Green, Pat Pretorius from The Talks, Nigel Holmes, to make, collectively, everything better. I think we’ve come a very, very long way to creating an infrastructure where musicians can run themselves. We’re not far off it now. 53 Degrees North was a good indicator of that – that was a quality event, run by people in the music industry from this area. It’s a very exciting time. I’ve just been very careful not to get over-excited too early, but it is a very exciting time being at that point where it might just all be running itself really well - but there’s a lot of work left to do to get to that point. Even if we get there, we need to make sure it stays. There are so many people around me who are doing so much more than me, and much better work than me, to make that happen. I just want to support them and keep cheering them on. Katy Noone, producer of BBC Introducing, works so hard. She and John Anguish, an amazing engineer, taught me everything I know about radio. I think we’re really close to that goal, of being run by the people and being democratic. We’ve also gone through a time recently - we’re kind of still in it, politically - where corporate culture overrides community. I believe with all my heart in community. I know that there are better models of making things work. It is about cultural democracy. It’s where my motivation lies and what I want to work towards.”

[firstpuffin]

Satisfaction and misery: uncomfortably linked.

-Note= This isn’t a “proper” upload but is more of a cathartic release. Skip it or read it, it doesn’t matter, but if you are depressed or worried then maybe it’ll reassure you that you aren’t alone. 

There will be a normal upload on Sunday.

Isn’t it amazing how the very things that I take the greatest pride and satisfaction from also seem to be the very things that make me miserable.

  When I was a child I was pretty happy. I don’t think that happiness had any depth to it, but it was constant. I had no control and no independence due to doting and admittedly overbearing parents, we didn’t have all of the things that our peers had and possibly most importantly, while I was creative I didn’t have the same drive to Create that I do today. I didn’t have the compulsion to produce and put out content that I have made.

  I was happy to read and reread the same few books, to play and replay the same video games (more often than not the beginning of those games; I sucked back then and likely couldn’t actually complete them) and I would spend hours drawing terrible terrible art. When there was a game that I couldn’t have or that wasn’t out yet, I would spend hours reading one of the games magazines that I owned (does anyone remember Games Master? That was my go-to) or anything that I could find with information on it. This was before Youtube.

  And I was happy. I wasn’t that bright and I couldn’t think critically or around a subject to save my life. I accepted what I was told at face value and recently re-experiencing the games or movies and such from my childhood, I realised that I didn’t take any of it in. I didn’t internalise what I was experiencing. Yes, I did learn a lot from those experiences but I find it remarkable how much more I could have taken from them and how much I missed.

  Yes children are not very deep and I’m sure a lot of others also did the same, but what I am saying is that while my childhood was simple and I never needed to think for myself, I was happier. Today, not so much. I wonder when that stopped. When I was no longer able to focus on one thing for an extended time, or repeatedly, and enjoy it!

 Today I am at university where I relish the education, the learning and use of new information. I’ve had to change my views and think deeply about all manner of things. I’m on a bit of a critical thinking crusade; I listen to examples of critical thinking in all sorts of different areas while I cook, wash up and clean, and have struggled to learn when to be sceptical and when not to be. Critical thinking isn’t doubting everything, that’s what leads to conspiracy thinking, you need to learn when enough is enough to accept information and be prepared to be wrong.

  I look at everything with these critical glasses and I still miss stuff. I love that I’m getting better.

  I appreciate television, movies, books and games far more than before, even when they are bad and it motivates me to do better. It motivates me to work and to create and to improve; that’s why I have this blog, why I practice drawing and why I try to write and write and write. The satisfaction of succeeding is greater than any “happiness”, any “excitement” or “hype” that I’ve ever felt.

  After years of having no goals or real interests beyond immediate gratification I have found goals to work for and finally have a direction in life. I’ve improved, I am indisputably better than I was. Having made friends who share my interests I have had the best few years of my life…

  So why have they also been the worst of my life?

 Why has my depression, which has hung around quietly for a minimum of a decade, suddenly gotten exponentially worse as I have improved? I’ve never experienced real trauma or rejection, I’ve never even broken a bone and the injuries I have had, I see as valuable experiences. The worst I’ve experienced would be the genuine hate that I have felt; not the normal, everyday “hate” that gets thrown around, but the true feeling that requires the development of a word to express it. Still, even that faded without lingering damage. So why am I unhappy?

  Did it start when I lost my ability to replay the same game again and again? I went through a brief period of actually finishing games so when did I stop doing that? Or was that a symptom?

  My consuming desire to produce is an enormous source of stress for me. I’ve been an aspiring author for again roughly a decade, but I haven’t finished even one story. I want to draw, I want to write, to sing, to make music, to animate, to act, to dance- if it’s creative then chances are I want to do it.

  So why haven’t I?

  Why is it that everything that I get the most satisfaction from also pushes me further into my downward spiral?

  Did you know that one of the symptoms of depression is losing the motivation to do things you enjoy? That explains why I don’t play games, why I don’t read and why I watch less and less television. Yet somehow it has also been the drive for some of my best work. This blog happened because I was at a loss of what to do, because everything I normally do was just so unappealing.

  Yesterday (that is the day before I began writing this, not before this is uploaded [editor note: turns out it’s both]) I had an amazingly productive day. I went to bed feeling happier than I have in a long time. Then today I felt worse than I have in a long time.

  What?! Did I use up my quota of pleasure? Of happiness? Is it a case of what goes up inevitably comes back down with a wallop? It drove me so deep into misery that the only therapy I could come up with was this. Writing an entry that I may not even upload. I’m lucky that I thought up the phrase that opens this entry or else I’d still be holding the cold mug, staring blankly into the darkness that is my room because screw lights.

  My mood has raised while writing this but I am terrified to stop because when I do, it’ll probably drop back down. I want to play a videogame. I want to read a book. I want to watch television I want to write I want to draw I want to scream-

  Who do I talk to? My brother understands, but I don’t wanna unload on anybody. My parents would certainly try to understand, but they can’t help and their guilt about that will only make me feel worse. I’ve got a message from a friend just waiting for a response but I can’t have a conversation while feeling like this.

  So I rant to my word processor in the guise of a blog entry, a disguise that has long since collapsed. An entry that will probably never be uploaded out of shame, and yet a part of me wants to upload this, raw and unedited [editor note: I’m a compulsive double-checker, not a liar] because I know for a fact that I am not alone in this (knowledge that made diagnosis a bit more difficult as apparently us depressive types usually feel alone) and if this can connect to somebody then- well. That’s why I started writing.

[linaliveshere]

My Top 15 albums

Music to me is a stress relief. It is something that reflects your mood, no matter how you are feeling. It transports you back in time, almost as if you are living and breathing in a different generation. Music liberates you, its helps you connect with the cores and values that you have and continues to help you grow. Music gives you the fondest memories, is the soundtrack to your life and much of the reason why we connect with others on an intimate basis.

For me, a university student who is at the cusp of starting the next chapter of her life, music is an incredible escape from reality. Over the years, my knowledge and acceptance of music has allowed me to collate and enjoy many artists of many genres. On twitter and Tumblr, I asked what you guys would prefer for me to talk about, and my top 15 albums of all time came in at number one. Below, with much difficulty may I add, I have sought out my top 15 albums of all time!

1. INXS: Kick

I honestly cannot fault this album in the slightest. INXS was such a powerhouse for Australian music and they bought our industry to the mainstream across the world. Michael Hutchence was such a prolific singer and songwriter, a true artist who could grasp the concept of emotion and reality and put it so well into a song. Kick was an album that kick-started (pardon the pun) the juggernaut, headed by the smash hit Never Tear Us Apart. This whole album from start to finish is pure genius, and honestly makes you feel like you’re on a never-ending roller coaster. If you have never listened to this album, you should.

Top 3 songs:

-Never Tear Us Apart

-Kick

-Need You Tonight

2. The Weeknd: House of Balloons

Known to most of us by his stage name The Weeknd, Abel Tesfaye has become one of the biggest superstars in the world. From record breaking singles and albums to top collaborations with artists such as Daft Punk and Lana Del Ray, his discography has come a very long way since his first proper release- House of Balloons. Everyone seems to say that the first release is always the best and I will dispute that, but not in this case. Every album Abel has done has been so different and incredible, but something about House of Balloons stands out. The raw stumbling’s of drug abuse and sexual desires that he was singing about was something next level. Others had done it before him, but the way he produced this album was next level. It was a considerably short LP for the XO, only 50 minutes long. But it is enough to transport you back to his harsh Canadian upbringing and why he is like he is.

Top 3 songs:

-Wicked Games

-Coming Down

-High For This

3. Kendrick Lamar: To Pimp a Butterfly

First thing I want to say about Kendrick and this masterpiece of an album was that HE WAS ROBBED ALBUM OF THE YEAR AT THE GRAMMYS!! Kendrick has always been very popular online- much like counterpart Chance The Rapper, and made his mainstream debut when this album- To Pimp A Butterfly, flew up the charts around the world. Along with doing the infamous festival circuit which include headlining iconic festivals such as Glastonbury, Coachella and Australia’s very own Splendour in the Grass, To Pimp A Butterfly gained more traction. It brings to the surface all the issues that we as a society are too reluctant to talk about or see the truth about- racial tensions, the police brutality, the treatment of people of colour in general- especially women of colour and so much more. What elevated this album though for me was when Kendrick did a mash up of ‘The Blacker the Berry’ and ‘Alright’ with him being tied up in shackles singing behind a jail cell door. America at that time was in the grunt of the presidential campaign, making it even more dramatic and brought the album to a new audience.

Top 3 songs:

-The Blacker The Berry

-King Kunta

-These Walls

4. The Killers: Hot Fuss

The Killers are one of those bands who continually fly under the radar but remain so popular. Having two older sisters with quite a big age gap between us, my introduction to The Killers was through them blasting this album in the car non-stop; but I didn’t mind that. Hot Fuss is the best debut album of any artist I have listened to. The Killers weren’t punk rock or rock and roll- they were alternate rock. It was good enough for the music geeks and to be played on top 40 radio. This album holds two of the catchiest choruses ever with the songs ‘Mr Brightside’ and ‘Somebody Told Me’. Every time I listen to Hot Fuss, it sparks a little flame inside me and I sing at the top of my lungs. Along with this, the lyrics to the songs on the album are absolutely phenomenal and from start to finish take you on a journey. There are tales of heartbreak and regret with ‘All These Things That I Have Done’ and ‘Jenny Was a Friend of Mine’, love and adulation with ‘Midnight Show’ and ‘Everything Will Be Alright’. This album is honestly timeless and no matter how old you are, is pure enjoyment.

Top 3 Songs:

-Smile Like You Mean It

-Midnight Show

-On Top

5. Coldplay: Viva la Vida

I have been to a lot of concert, shows, gigs and festivals in my almost 23 years of life, and Coldplay has come out on top every time. Much like others on the list, their entire discography is something that I will listen to over and over and not get bored of it. Despite my favourite song of all time coming from their album X&Y (Fix You), Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, or the stadium stomper as it is known as by music geeks, is an album that cemented Coldplay a stadium tour status. The massive drum and guitar, as well as incorporating orchestra was the first of its kind that I had heard, and I fell in love with the album immediately. Chris Martin is one of my favourite singer/songwriters of all time, and his ability to take something usually so hectic and not usually incorporated into mainstream music and make it his own is something that I admire him for. What really made this album pop of course was the stadium vibe and the enormity of the sound.

Top 3 songs:

-Viva la Vida

-Cemeteries of London

-Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love

6. Rihanna: ANTI

Robyn Rihanna Fenty is and always will be my woman crush. After doing 7 albums in 7 years, my babe Rihanna took about 3 years out of the spotlight to create her latest and most bold album to date- ANTI. There is something about the authentic of this album that puts this above the rest. Having that time off and going back to her Caribbean roots brought this album to the next level. The mix of her old-school reggae and more modern r’n’b, along with the improvement of her vocals along the way helped elevate it, but her bad girl persona did remain- especially with the inaugural song from the album ‘Bitch Better Have My Money’. The song ‘Work’, with rapper Drake, sent this album to elite status. It is fun and makes you feel like you can take on anyone and anything, and in contrast, will pull at your heart strings with songs such as Love on The Brain’. I am still upset that she did not tour Australia with the album, so thanks RiRi!

Top 3 songs:

-Love On The Brain

-Kiss It Better

-Woo

7. Fleetwood Mac: Rumours

I have always known who Fleetwood Mac were, but I was introduced to this album only a short while ago. Stevie Nicks is an absolute boss. Fleetwood Mac became dominant at the time where social constructs were a lot different to how they are now. The fact that this album not only challenged music minds and records, but created the shift for social change as well. Artists like Madonna and Cindy Lauper were aided by the success of Stevie Nicks and the fact she was a main vocal in a genre dominated by white males. One of the reasons I love Rumours so much is because of the massive influence it had on the music industry. It also included the catchy songs like ‘Dreams’ and ‘Go Your Own Way’. Fleetwood Mac and especially Stevie Nicks are timeless and a once-in-a-generation artist who has as much influence as they did.

Top 3 Songs:

-Go Your Own Way

-You Make Loving Fun

-Oh Daddy

8. Michael Jackson: Thriller

Carrying on from the influence of Stevie Nicks, there is no one better who broke down barriers in terms of race, gender and sexuality like Michael Jackson. There are so many of his albums to choose from, but Thriller is the one that I enjoy the most in terms of music. The title song caused so much controversy, and everyone thought with this controversy that Michael or the album wouldn’t be successful. Boy, people were wrong. After having filmed the first feature-length music video and being an African-American, there were bans put in place. Michael defied the odds and became and even bigger star. Some personal favourites, which I enjoy belting out during a boozy night out like ‘Wanna be Startin’ Something’, ‘Billie Jean’ and ‘Beat It’. Another reason why I love this album so much is that it produced one of the most iconic moments in pop culture- the introduction of the moonwalk at the Motown 25 special on May 16, 1983. And yes, I am still trying to perfect the move.

Top 3 Songs:

-Beat It

-Billie Jean

-Human Nature

9. Ed Sheeran: +

Ed Sheeran is possibly the best singer/songwriter of the past 5 years. With his most recent album ‘Divide’ and the inaugural single ‘Shape of You’ breaking all kinds of streaming and charting records, it is no surprise that his music beforehand would be top-notch as well. Enter Ed’s first proper LP- Plus. This was such a raw album that spoke about Ed and the difficulties that surrounded him and other people, much like The Weeknd with House of Balloons. This album came into my life at a time where I was struggling, with songs like ‘The A Team’ and ‘Lego House’ indirectly playing with my emotions and opening a light to a lot of the problems that I was having. Ed toured this album twice, and his presence on stage reflects how people such as myself interpret the album as well. Oh, and I’ve also had the pleasure in meeting Ed and telling him how thankful I am for him!

Top 3 Songs:

-Small Bump

-Kiss Me

-Drunk

10. Beyoncé: Lemonade

This would not be a top album countdown without the mention of the most famous women of the modern era. Beyoncé has delivered hit after hit. When her latest album Lemonade dropped, it caused hysteria of all sorts. She has been the campaigner of the visual album as well after her Beyoncé release, and Lemonade was no different. Much like Kendrick Lamar, who features on one of the standouts of the album ‘Freedom’, Beyoncé used her audio and visual platforms to seek out the injustice that is happening. She also includes her daughter, Blue, in a lot of them and it makes it that much more personalised. Her vocals are still red hot, as proven by hits ‘Formation’ and ‘Hold Up’, which now boasts the infamous bat and car scene. This album is honestly one in a million and I can never get bored of it!

Top 3 Songs:

-Freedom (feat Kendrick Lamar)

-All Night

-Hold Up

11. Maroon 5: Songs About Jane

The first concert I ever went to centered around this album. Maroon 5 have been around for as long as I’ve been alive, and their music continues to adapt with pop culture. Adam Levine, the front man, was my first real celebrity crush, and this album did solidify that. Songs About Jane was a forefront in indie music at the time of its release, headed by She Will Be Loved and Sunday Morning. Their cover of Harder to Breathe and the inclusion This Love gives you Adam’s sensual voice right to your very core. the use of the guitar in this album is impeccable- in one song it will make you get up and dance when in the next it makes you feel like you could cry for days about your ex-lover. The lyrics and the execution of this album are timeless, and no matter what decade or era it is brought into, would be successful.

Top 3 Songs:

-She Will Be Loved

-Harder to Breathe

-Tangled

12. Taylor Swift: Red

I feel like Taylor Swift has been around for every turning point in my life. 13-year-old me found out who she was through my love of the Jonas Brothers and her guitar-twanging smash Our Song. Through the country phase to what is her best album to date- pop alumni Red. This album, like many of her others, tells a story of love and heartbreak, but also celebrates having the right people in your life. ‘22’, one of the biggest selling singles by Taylor, is one of my favourite songs of all time. Despite being noted by a lot of people as ‘pop trash’, the significance of this song resonates with a lot of people. It is about being care-free and living your life to the fullest no matter what. ‘All Too Well’ and ‘Red’ talk about heartache and how love in all forms can manipulate you in so many ways. This album is raw and full of emotion, no matter the genre it is placed under. The Red Tour was also my favourite Taylor concert as well.

Top 3 Songs:

-State of Grace

-All Too Well

-22

13. Kanye West: 808’s and Heartbreak

Say what you want about Yeezy, but he definitely knows his sound and his music. 808’s and Heartbreaks is an album that took Kanye out of the hip-hop world to the more mainstream. The mellowed down sound with the use of the heavy drop verberating in the chorus’ of most of these songs brought the genre and the album to another dimension. ‘Heartless’ and ‘Love Lockdown’, the two main singles from this work, are so well put together though the emotion elicited in Kanye while he is singing and rapping, as well as the tremendous loops in the beat. I have never witnessed music before or after this album that makes you want to get up and dance but cry your god damn eyes out at the same time. If you are one of those people who loves a continuous bop, this album is right up your alley.

Top 3 Songs:

-Love Lockdown

-Paranoid

-Say You Will

14.  Adele: 25

What a woman. I don’t have enough words to describe the feel, emotion and powerhouse vocal that is Adele. Unless you were living under a rock over the past 18 months, her song ‘Hello’ was everywhere and definitely set the scene for the whole album. Adele is one of very few people who can stand on a stage with little to no movement around her and manage to captivate millions. Her amazing voice capitulates almost every other artist in the industry right now. Listening to ‘25’ is honestly an out of body experience every time you listen to a song.

Top 3 Songs:

-Send My Love (To Your New Lover)

-I Miss You

-Water Under the Bridge

15. One Direction: Midnight Memories

This wouldn’t be a countdown without my absolute favourites of all time, right?! Midnight Memories by far is my favourite album from One Direction. They had a lot of song writing and production influence on this album, and it is very noticeable compared to their first two albums. The boys having that much influence on this album shone through, especially with the rock undertones and the sophisticated lyrics laced through all the songs. Alas, they did make this album with the fact that they were about to embark on a stadium tour, and this album is a massive stadium stomper. Harry, Liam and Zayn all shine vocally, whilst Niall and Louis’ songwriter impressed throughout the whole album. I honestly love this album with all my heart, and my eyes still water every time a song comes on because I miss One Direction so much. I am still bitter that I missed out on seeing this tour.

Top 3 Songs:

-Strong

-Happily

-Through the Dark

SPECIAL MENTION to Harry Styles and his new solo album, which would have been on the list if it was out already :P

[thehowtostuff-blog]

Free shipping and free 2-day deliveries: these two Amazon Prime benefits are the main reasons why over 20 million users have an ongoing subscription. It’s true, Amazon Prime is a fantastic deal!

But those features barely scratch the surface. Amazon has gone above and beyond with Amazon Prime, offering many more benefits that people have forgotten about (or simply never realize existed).

Here’s how to extract the most value from an Amazon Prime membership. If you don’t have a Prime membership yet, perhaps these extra benefits will be enough to justify the annual subscription. Why not grab a 30-day free trial and try it out for yourself?

1. 1-Day and Same-Day Shipping

Did you know that Amazon Prime members in certain cities can get free 1-day shipping and free same-day shipping? To qualify for 1-day or same-day shipping:

Your order total must be at least $35.

For same-day, all items must be marked same-day eligible. For 1-day, all items must be marked 1-day eligible.

You must check out before the cut-off time, usually around noon.

The shipping address must be in an eligible zip code. As of this writing, there are over 8,000 participating cities and towns across the continental US.

2. Prime Membership Sharing

Did you know that you can share your Prime membership’s shipping benefits with up to four other people? Yes, that’s right: four others can make use of your shipping benefits without you needing to give them direct access to your account (i.e. giving them your account password, which might breach the Amazon Terms of Service).

The only stipulation is that these people must live at the same address as you. Or, in other words, membership can only be shared with actual members of the same household. To invite somebody, you’ll need to know their name, birthday, and email address. When they accept the invitation, they’ll need to know your birthday.

3. Unlimited Photo Storage (Prime Photos)

All Amazon customers start with 5GB of free data storage with Amazon Drive. This includes anything from photos to videos, documents to music files, and whatever else you might want to store on there.

As an Amazon Prime member, your free cloud storage plan is expanded and allows for unlimited photo files storage as part of the Prime Photos program. All photos—whether previously uploaded or uploaded in the future—do not count against your cloud storage data limit.

Note: Photos must be smaller than 2GB. Supported formats include JPEG, PNG, BMP, TIFF, and RAW formats for Nikon (NEF), Canon (CR2), and Sony (ARW) cameras. Prime Photos is only meant for personal, non-commercial use.

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Prime Video is a top contender to both Netflix and Hulu, packed with excellent TV shows worth watching and all kinds of movies ranging from classics to modern hits.

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Note that Prime Video can be extended with “add-on channels,” which grant access to specific types of content that you may be interested in: Anime Strike, BritBox, Broadway HD, HBO, Horror TV, PBS KIDS, Showtime, STARZ, and many more.

5. Ad-Free Music Streaming (Prime Music)

While there’s a lot of entertainment value in Prime Video, it’s not the only streaming service offered by Amazon. If you listen to a lot of online music streams, then Prime Music will flip your world upside down.

Amazon maintains a library of over 1 million songs and albums that can be accessed by any Prime member for free. Prime Music includes unlimited skips, no ads, and access to handcrafted Prime Playlists. Don’t like them? Feel free to create your own playlists instead.

Learn more in our in-depth look at Amazon Prime Music, or get started right now with 4 months of Prime Music for $0.99.

6. Free Twitch Subscription (Twitch Prime)

Love playing video games? Then you probably know about Twitch already. For the uninitiated, Twitch is like YouTube except with real-time live-streamed gameplay rather than pre-recorded videos. Twitch started as a platform for watching gaming tournaments and other events, but has since evolved into so much more.

While Twitch itself is completely free, it has bonus features you can unlock with a Twitch Turbo subscription (e.g. no advertisements). What you may not realize is, every Prime membership comes with Twitch Prime, which basically grants the same benefits as Twitch Turbo. But Twitch Prime offers one unique benefit: every month, certain commercial games are made free to acquire and download!

If you already have a Twitch account, you can connect your account to a 30-day free trial of Prime to start reaping the benefits right away.

7. Flat-Fee Grocery Deliveries (Prime Pantry)

Amazon has a program called Prime Pantry that allows you to order special “Prime Pantry” items that aren’t normally available. These items include household essentials and groceries that are too cost-prohibitive to ship individually.

With Prime Pantry, you can two options: either pay $7.99 for each shipment of Prime Pantry items or get a Prime Pantry subscription for $4.99/month for free shipping on any Prime Pantry order of $40 or more. (Orders under $40 are still charged $7.99 even with a Prime Pantry subscription.)

Due to air shipping regulations, Prime Pantry boxes can only be shipped by ground. Most orders arrive within 4 business days.

If you’re interested, you can grab a 30-day free trial of Prime Pantry and experience it for yourself. You may never need to visit your local grocery store ever again.

8. Kindle Ebook Rentals (Lending Library)

Amazon Prime members who own Kindle e-readers or Kindle Fire tablets can rent ebooks for free from the Kindle Owners Lending Library. Rented ebooks have no due dates and can be shared across any devices connected to your Amazon account. The only restriction is that you can only borrow one ebook per calendar month.

Amazon also offers Prime Reading, which grants unlimited access to over 1,000 ebooks in Kindle format, both fiction and nonfiction.

There’s also the Kindle First program, which allows Prime members to download one free ebook every month. Titles in the Kindle First program are not-yet-released ebooks that are made available as Kindle First picks one month prior to their official release.

9. Free Months of Prime

Here’s a bit of fine print that you probably overlooked: on any order that qualifies for Guaranteed Accelerated Delivery but arrives after the guaranteed delivery date, you can contact Amazon’s support center and request a free one-month Prime extension.

There are a few conditions that must be met in order for the extension request to be validated, but most orders qualify without issue.

Also, if you’re currently enrolled in a college or university and you have a valid .edu email address, you can register as part of the Prime Student program, which grants a six-month free trial for Prime. When the trial ends, you can upgrade to a full Amazon Prime membership for 50 percent off.

Note: This free trial “only” includes free shipping, free 2-day delivery, and unlimited photo storage with Prime Photos. Prime Video, Prime Music, Kindle Owners Lending Library, and membership sharing are only available with a full Amazon Prime membership.

10. Lightning Deals and Prime Day

Did you know that Amazon has an awesome deals program called Lightning Deals? In short, a Lightning Deal is a discounted item that’s only available in a certain quantity for a certain amount of time.

The Lightning Deals program isn’t exclusive to Prime, but Prime members have something called Prime Early Access. This lets you get a 30-minute head start on most (but not all) Lightning Deals, which is great because these deals sell out surprisingly fast. Visit the Lightning Deals page to see what’s available at any time.

Prime members are also eligible to participate on Prime Day, which is an annual event where thousands of items across the entire site are marked down. If you’ve been thinking of buying an Amazon device, Prime Day is the best day for it. Check out the best Prime Day deals, or read more about it in our in-depth look at Amazon Prime Day.

What Do You Get With Amazon Prime?

To recap, here are all the notable Prime features that come with Amazon Prime:

Free 2-day, 1-day, or same-day shipping

Prime Photos (unlimited storage for photos)

Prime Music (unlimited ad-free streaming)

Prime Video (unlimited ad-free streaming, plus Amazon Channels add-ons)

Prime Reading (unlimited access to free ebooks, plus Lending Library and Kindle First)

Prime Pantry (flat-rate shipping for groceries and household essentials)

Prime Early Access (see Lightning Deals before everyone else does)

Prime Wardrobe (try before you buy when shopping for clothes)

Twitch Prime (Twitch Turbo benefits, plus free games every month)

Exclusive discounts when shopping at Whole Foods Market

At $119/year, that’s the equivalent of $9.92 per month. What other online subscription offers this much goodness for such an affordable price? (Amazon Prime is also available on a month-to-month basis for $13/mo.)

If you don’t have Amazon Prime yet, now is the time to grab a 30-day free trial because Amazon Prime Day is right around the corner and you’ll be eligible for all kinds of deals!

Read the full article: Prime Day Is Coming! 10 Amazon Prime Benefits You May Have Overlooked

from MakeUseOf https://ift.tt/2BPAGIV

[brittreadsandwrites]

21/06/17

a letter to my seventeen year old self

You have just graduated high school and succeeded way above your own expectations. I am so very proud of you – and though they might not make it clear, so are your parents.

Your first year outside of high school will start out pretty well. You are going to try new things, meet new people and you will exercise your right to be bold. University life will challenge you greatly, and you might find your course does not agree with you by the end of the year. But this is okay – you’re going to make mistakes throughout your whole adult life, you will learn valuable things about life and yourself, and this will help you to grow.

I wish I could tell you that your life will become better and easier now that you have completed your high school education and are going to start a university degree, but it does not. In a few short weeks you will go away on a holiday with your friends, and the fall out from this vacation will set the tone for the grave things that are coming. Remember when I told you that you are the strongest and most resilient person I know? You’re going to need to remember that. This past year you befriended a person that you never thought you would. A boy, quiet and studious. He was without support at the time and had become vilified (but that story is not mine to tell) by his friends. The two of you bonded throughout the year and to this day I am still thankful for your capacity for compassion and care. You did your duty as a friend that year, and though my saying it will not stop you from feeling it – what followed was not your fault. You will hurt this boy in a way you would never have thought possible. When two people become friends and converse frequently on a deeper level, lines can become blurry and unclear. This is common and you are not solely to blame. He will accuse you of leading him on and claim that he cannot go back to simple friendship. Even though you never stepped over that line, you will believe that you were in the wrong and you will try for months to mend what is broken. During this time a line is drawn and your friends will take sides, but they will not take yours. That does not mean you are the things that they will say that you are. What people think affects you far more than you like to admit, and what is said should not be taken as an accurate representation of who you are as a person. You will apologize, beg and plead for their forgiveness, but it will not be enough. They are out for blood and I am telling you, you will not stand for that. You will not let them take anything from you. There will be a moment where you see them sitting, sharing food and laughing together and you will feel like the smallest person in the world. You will feel as if you have been snapped in two and left out in the gutter to rot alone. You will sit in your dad’s car while he runs in to get coffee, and you will cry until your eyes burn and your head throbs and when he returns you’ll wipe your cheeks, drink your coffee and head home alone. You are allowed to have this moment, but it is the last moment you give them. You would never intentionally hurt anyone and you apologized for it anyway – They cannot take your dignity if you don’t let them. In three years time, that boy that started it will come back into your orbit and he will apologize to you. You will become friends again and in that moment you will thankful that you let them go and lived your life.

Throughout this rocky time, you will find partial relief from somebody else. You will meet him on open day, your first day at university. He will look at you, really look at you – and you will find yourself blushing and looking away, searching for any kind of assistance. He will direct every game question toward you, and every question afterwards. He will pull you back from the road because you’ll walk out in front of a car by mistake. He will introduce you to new music and buy you a harmonica because you told him you could never learn an instrument. He will draw with you, laugh with you, buy you coffee. There will be times when he will look over at you with a lazy smile and you will feel his gaze ripple right through you like a current. Two weeks will feel like twenty and before you realise it, you’ll be holding his hand in class and laughing at how his clumsiness matches your own. You will wake up one day and feel overwhelmed – try not to panic, you just needed a label to know where it was headed. You’re going to spend a couple months in this new relationship bliss, I want you stay in it. Enjoy it. Commit every part of it to memory – because it doesn’t last. You will begin to realise how different you are foundationally and that you never discussed your faith with him. Suddenly you’ll start to feel ill when you think about him, and the more time you spend with him the heavier your heart will become. You are going churn over this feeling for a month before you listen to it, but Brittany you need to listen to it. It is not just a nervous butterfly feeling, like you’re going to try and convince yourself of. It is the holy spirit warning you that something isn’t right. When you feel strong enough to let him go, you will do so… but that will be the easy part. He isn’t going to understand and he’s going to feel so rejected and alone that he’ll act out and hurt you in a way you would never have thought possible. You will feel not only as if a giant hole has been punched through your chest, but that someone has thrown in extra salt for good measure. Telling you what is going to happen will not prevent it from happening, but the event will provide you with the clarity you need to walk away from him. You fell in love for the first time and regardless of how it will end for you, you will remember that feeling for many years to come. Forgive him and then forgive yourself.

By the year’s end, you will drop out of university and enter your eighteenth year with no friends and no plan for your future. You will feel like somebody has taken a scoop and hollowed you out – but you will make it through. Because you are strong, resilient and brave. The edges surrounding that huge hole in your chest might feel raw, but soon it will just be another battle scar. It will be proof that you have made it through another year, and it is just another reason why I’m proud of you.

You have already succeeded in God’s eyes, you have already won his heart and if you’ve got Him in YOUR heart, than you don’t need anyone else in your life. If you take one thing from this year and my letter, take this – You are capable of withstanding the pressures this world lays upon you and strong enough to endure its pain. Lose not your compassion, but your grievances and do not compromise your values or your worth in the years to come. Forgiving does not mean forgetting.

You’re my hero.

Yours affectionately, Your twenty-one year old self.

~ B M. B

[emoceanevolution-blog]

I wonder if my roommate can tell I’m drunk

Name something that you saw within the past week that made you smile::

My sister and I fangirling over Kim Possible

Name something within the past week that made you frown::

I poured my heart into a choir audition and I didn’t get picked for the solo.

Name somebody who you wish would cut you a break sometimes::

Me

Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have::

I want to say my mom. She’s sad frequently. But rather than a better life, I wish she had a better perspective. She’s so hard on herself (I wonder where I get it from..). She’s made a beautiful life for herself and she deserves to see that.

Name something you own that has high sentimental value::

My Anastasia music box

Name something that you hope is different by this time next year::

America. I’m ashamed of this Presidency.

Name something that you’re good at but don’t like: :

Doing dishes

Name something that you’re bad at but DO like: :

Making friends

Name something that you like about the person you argue most with::

I can’t think of people I argue with frequently. But when I argue I like having the opportunity to learn a perspective outside of myself

Name something that you strongly believe in: :

Pineapple on pizza

Name something that was funny to you but not to anybody else::

PUNS. REALLY BAD PUNS. SO GOOD.

Name somebody who has tried to help you and ended up hurting you::

My best friend

Name something that you had to learn the hard way::

Life

Name something that you think should be illegal::

Discrimination - gender, race, religion, etc

Name a date that has a lot of significance to you: :

I used to know so many. I’m drawing a blank. March 7. I lost my virginity.

Also May 4. It’s Mike Dirnt’s Birthday. And Star Wars day. AND my friend Kyle’s birthday! He LOVES Star Wars, I’m happy for him.

Do you like pudding?:

The Jell-o vanilla homemade is the only way to go

What was the last thing you complained about?:

My best friend living so fucking far away

Do you tend to use a lot of big words?:

Negatory

Do you fall for guys/girls easily?:

I fall a lot. For boys. For girls. For fictional characters. For my love of gravity.

Do you have low or high self esteem?:

It’s more of a spectrum than a consistent low/high status

Are you a heavy sleeper?:

Heavy dependency but I can never quite get my fix. Always jonesin’ for a nap

Have you ever felt like you’ve hit below rock bottom?:

Yeah I live there, pull up a chair and I’ll put the kettle on

When someone copies you, are you more flattered or annoyed?:

My  little sister used to copy my style growing up. Bugged me so bad, cause I worked so hard to be myself. And yet, I adapted a lot of MY older sister’s trends. We learn from what is important to us, and I’m annoyed this didn’t click earlier. I’m not “flattered”, more like honored in this instance.

BUT if someone copies my school work I will not hesitate to slap a bitch (mentally) and then be very annoyed

Are you trustworthy?:

Certainly.

What’s one of your favorite quotes?:

“No man can eat fifty eggs”

Favorite song lyrics?:

“Forgetting you but not the time”

“All was golden when the day met the night”

“Truth be told, I never was yours” “I don’t wanna make a plan for a day far away,

While I’m young and while I’m able all I wanna do is

Which is worse: Stale chips or flat soda?:

Fuck ‘em both, stale or not.

Have you ever been heartbroken?:

Yes, but the pieces are still beating

Have you ever carved a pumpkin?:

I’ve carved several in my lifetime, I’m proud of my creations and the memories accompanying them.

Are there any CD’s that you enjoy listening to all the way through?:

Young the Giant (self titled)

Talking is Hard

American Idiot

A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out

Pretty. Odd.

Rainbow

Spirit Room

Let Go

LISTEN TO THESE YOU’RE WELCOME

Is there a lot of drama in your life right now?:

Lol no.

Do you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?:

I have somethin’

Have you ever set off a fire alarm at school?:

Noop

Do you like raviolis?:

Ravioli ravioli give me the formuloni

What’s the hardest lesson you’ve had to learn?:

There is always learning to be had

I can’t do enough to check it off the list

Unresolve

It kills me

Do you have a silly side?:

I have many sides

Like an icosidodecahedron

Were you obsessed with those bead/jewlery making kits when you were younger:

BEADS FOR DAYSSS - also lanyards

What’s one show that you wish was still on the air?:

KIM POSSIBLE

What’s something you’re looking forward to?:

Finishing this semester and basking in the sunshine of summer break

Are you optimistic or pessimistic?:

I exist

Did you ever play with side-walk chalk?:

Yeah. Sometimes I even drew things with it.

Are there any fast-food restaurants that you hate?:

KFC & Arbys are yucko

Are you a picky eater?:

Oh yes, I love picking what I eat

Do you like the band Rise Against?:

There are a few songs I adore, but their sound wears on me after a while. It gets redundant. Though, I do appreciate Rise Against as a band for sure. My boyfriend loves them to pieces and he’s shown me more of their stuff, it’s a pleasant introduction.

Who’s the hottest guy and hottest girl out there?:

Hottest guy BRENDON FUCKING URIE no question. What a beautiful human being. His music is so raw, and he is sincerely genuine when interacting with people. THAT IS HOT AS HELL. And if you need a second opinion go watch the girls/girls/boys music video #yourewelcome

Hottest girl? Hmm..my high school crush

Are you stubborn?:

I can be

What’s your favorite song at the moment?:

First - Cold War Kids

Do you live your life to the fullest?:

I oughta, I hate myself every day that I don’t

Have you ever questioned your sexuality?:

Always

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been called?:

Someone said I was a bitch when I was a freshman in high school and that broke my spirit. I was more worried about them than what they called me; what could I have possibly done to make you feel like you thought I was a bitch?? I’m so sorry I hurt you????

Have you ever burnt your ear with a straightener/curling iron?:

Hahaha oh yeah

Are you any good at the game Rockband?:

Rock band ain’t no game for me, that’s my life yo

What’s your favorite board game?:

MALL MADNESS. 90’s edition. Fuck all the new renditions.

Do you believe that sometimes life is unfair?:

It wouldn’t be fair if it were fair

Do you have a hard time with making new friends?:

Depends on what I’m drinking.

The hardest part isn’t making new friends, but rather sustaining friendships.

What’s your favorite kind of doughnut?:

The kind that goes in my mouth

What’s the most important quality in the preferred sex?:

Kindness

Have you ever used a port-a-potty?:

Hell yeah

What’s your favorite ride at the fair?:

The big ol swingy ones that are 2 seaters back to back on either side

When was the last time someone gave you a piggy-back ride?:

idk

Have you ever been onstage in front of a lot of people?:

Again, that’s my life

What was the last stinky thing you smelled?:

Tequila

Are you more of a girly girl or a tomboy?:

A girly tomboy. FIght me

What’s something you’re craving right now?:

Kissing a girl

Have you ever been on a boat?

Yeah, while you’re at kinkos flipping copies

Have you ever been camping?:

Yes, it’s been forever. I last camped in 2014, it was so nice. Music festival up in the mountains :) I need more of that in my life.

What’s your favorite outdoor activity?:

Swinging

Do you ever shop at Hot Topic?:

I’ve been shopping at Hot Topic since the logo was red and the store front was the gates to hell.

Do you ever trip over your pets?:

A couple times, she’s a sneaky little fuck

Do you have any Christmas lights up on your house?:

I use christmas lights in my bedroom

Do you watch Spongebob Squarepants?:

When I have access to it

Are you currently in a relationship?:

So I’ve been told

Is your foot asleep?:

It’s sad

What did you last look in the fridge for?:

My will to live

[jaychellouise-blog]

Melodrama as transcendence

When I first heard Green Light, I had to immediately play it again to make absolutely sure of what I’d just heard. The key change, the switches in vocal register, the urgency, all struck me right in the chest. The moment that truly blew me away, though, was near the end; when Lorde’s voice is swept away by that synth line into an inarticulate wave of pure emotion, too abstract and huge to be diluted into words. It’s the moment the song has been building up to, as relief comes as a moment of pure transcendence.

Transcendental pop is my favourite niche genre of music; it’s got none of the “replacing true authentic experience with an acoustic guitar”-feel of much alternative music, and often cuts more close to the bone. Truly great pop music takes those feelings which we’re told are frivolous, whiny and petty (aka feminine) and elevates them to a whole new plane, without any kind of pretensions to cool. Think Carly Rae Jepsen and her soaring saxophones in Run Away With Me; think the pure euphoria of Rihanna’s We Found Love. It’s this quality which I absolutely love about Lorde’s music.

A lot of Pure Heroine may seem nonchalant at first, as Lorde is tired of being told to put her hands up in the air and sneers through Tennis Court. But this is, I feel, a pretty bad-faith reading, and seems influenced by her young age; listen to Ribs and honestly tell me you don’t sense that rush of feeling, hard to pin down but so particularly emoted through the song. That album connected with so many people on the cusp of adulthood, who felt both old and impossibly young at the same time. All the anxieties of growing up at the same time as outgrowing your hometown were captured in those few songs – it was such a pitch-perfect representation of the modern teenage experience that it’s no wonder middle-aged music critics misread it.

Hence it is no surprise that Lorde has distilled this to perfection on Melodrama. Many writers will tell you it’s an album about partying, but I disagree; the party is there, but it serves only as a backdrop to the central theme of dealing with heartbreak whilst being young and old and scared and having the time of your life (you know – happy, free, confused, lonely, all at the same time). Setting it against a party is a great mechanism for amplifying the emotions until they reached truly melodramatic proportions – though not once, I might add, do they feel over the top or inauthentic, merely heightened, more concentrated. The highs soar and the lows are a sucker punch to the gut.

Something I’ve always thought Lorde did particularly well was making a collage of personal memories to evoke a larger emotion; her boyfriend bringing her orange juice in 400 Lux, or the chorus of Ribs: “the drink you spilt all over me/Lover’s Spit played on repeat”. These are such specific images but somehow, as a listener, they come together to make something you truly feel you can empathise with. “I overthink your punctuation use”, “I do my makeup in somebody else’s car” – these moments clearly have a particular meaning to Lorde, but they’re also fundamentally relatable and help to move the music away from the abstract and the generic.

Liability is another song which made me do a double take on first listening; it’s so vulnerable, both sonically and lyrically, in a way few artists would dare to be. If you haven’t cried listening to it I either a) don’t believe you or b) think you’re heartless.

A lot of credit also goes to how well the album is made. Vocally, it’s incredible; Lorde gives herself in every note, knowing exactly when to make her voice crack and when to make it soar (see in Green Light, when she drops from a casual low to a pleading high register between “and honey I’ll/be seeing you down every road”). She’s also not afraid to let it stand alone, her vocals thrust right to the front and centre. Whilst I’m loathe to give a man any credit for a woman’s work, Jack Antanoff has done a really great job with the production (tbh I actually really like Bleachers, fight me).

One of my favourite moments on the album comes at the end of The Louvre, when everything fades away except that one twangly melody line which then slowly builds to a soft sway. It’s that moment in the party when everything blooms; it’s full of an emotion which is at once ecstatic and heart-breaking, where the lights are glowing with an aching intensity and you feel like you could cry for no reason; it’s transcendental. That moment manages to capture such a vital quality, that I can only describe as being young and free and aching and not knowing or caring why, only sure of the fact that you are feeling and you are feeling with a burning intensity (“I’m 19 and I’m on fire”). I could write a whole essay on Supercut, which toes that sad-euphoric line in the same way that Robyn does so well. It drives forward with a neon sheen, with the promise that Lorde is finally moving on despite her attempts to cling to the past; the breakdown is beautifully raw and unrestrained, but the beat kicks in regardless and pushes her on. It eventually fades out; no matter how much she tries to cling on, all things must pass.

A lot of reviews of this album have said that Lorde has grown up, but that just seems to come from people who don’t value teenage girls properly. Lorde has grown, but this is an album very much on the edge of teenage life, revelling in the freefall.

[tempocannon]

Introducing: Little Richard Brothers Band

[This is the last edition of my 2014 Eleven Magazine column “Introducing.” If it’s not obvious from the text, this was a parody, an interview with my real-life bandmates Andrew and Sean about the roots rock band of their alter egos Bo and Mort. I didn’t tell my editor that this was fake until he smelled a rat, something I still feel guilty about and helped underscore the value of journalistic honesty to an unscrupulous boi.]

If falling to Earth in the belly of a crashing airplane is the red rubber stamp of rock ‘n’ roll greatness (look no further than the storied demises of The Big Bopper, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Otis Redding for proof), The Little Richard Brothers Band is guaranteed to at least have engine trouble on the runway. Bo and Mort Richard—no relation—made their debut on the summer’s Meat Bundle compilation with a set of three obscenely catchy songs about heartbreak, lust, and the desire to be degraded. Then they released their sophomore effort, Hard Lovin’ Losers, which contains exactly the same songs. Despite the Richards’s lack of initiative, the duo is adorably raw and poised to become one of the most adequate rock acts this side of the Ozarks.

The boys are new in town and slow to furnish their curricula vitae, so nobody seems to know who they are or where they came from. The Richards themselves hardly seem sure. This much is clear: 25-year-old Mort came west from Ohio, fleeing his former life as black sheep of the Richards Aluminum dynasty. Bo Richards—37 years old—came north from his hometown of Transylvania, Louisiana, though his route to the Gateway City was by no means straightforward. He had a brush or two with the law and one infamous brush (or more) with a pig, and there are certain states he’s not permitted to enter. These are the bluesman of our day, and they were kind enough to meet up one icy Sunday to shoot the breeze.

[Cover art for LLRB’s Hard Lovin’ Losers.]

Eleven: How did you guys get together?

Mort: Well, we met in kind of a funny way, actually, in a record store. We were both there reaching for the same copy of the Smothers Brothers. And we touched hands and it was like, what are you doin’ here?

Bo: I had a knife in my back pocket.

Mort: But yeah, then we got to talking, ‘cause not that many people are into that kind of stuff. Turns out we had the same last name.

Bo: That’s what really started this band.

Mort: It was the last name.

Bo: Yeah, the last name

Eleven: Do you feel like you have any special sort of emotional connection?

Bo: I feel like we understand each other better than other people understand us.

Mort: That’s definitely true. People, for whatever reason, just don’t seem to get what we have to say.

Bo: Yeah, we always get these funny looks. It’s nice to have somebody who doesn’t give you weird looks when you talk about your [very long pause] whatever.

Mort: You know, rollin’ into different towns, it takes people a while to get used to us before they kick us out. St. Louis is a nice place to be cause it hasn’t happened yet.

Eleven: Where do you guys practice?

Mort: We hook up power behind a donut shop and—

Bo: They don’t really know.

Mort: —we just sit there for about thirty minutes.

Bo: One of the kids figured it out but we just gave him a bunch of cigarettes. You ever have any problems with the kids, just give ‘em cigarettes and they’ll shut up.

Eleven: So, what’s your songwriting process like?

Mort: Usually we’re just shooting the shit, maybe Bo’s telling me about this heartbreak he’s got, and I say “Bo, that’s a song!” and we try to remember what we just said.

Bo: That’s usually the next two to three days of writing a song is trying to remember what we were saying.

Mort: We don’t work fast.

Bo: We just listen to music that we like and we rip it off.

Eleven: So, what moves you about playing rock ‘n’ roll?

Bo: There was this one time, whenever I was driving my truck—I forget what Interstate it was—and I was rocking out to some music and I ended up hitting my head on the steering wheel. I blacked out for a minute and went off the side of the road, and I ended up seeing the white light and everything. And then all the sudden I hear coming into my head this sound: “Dun dun dundundundun dun dur now dur ne-ow!” And then “Susie Q” started playing and my whole world opened up. At this point I was only listening to Nickelback and Creed, and it’s like, “Oh, this is what heaven’s like!” But it was actually hell. I was supposed to go to hell. And ever since then I realized the true power of Satan is rock ‘n’ roll.

Eleven: Does Satan ever say things to you?

Bo: No. He’s kind of a quiet dude. He’s kind of a nerd, actually. He’s really prissy about everything. He’s one of those people you’d call a Rulebook Ricky.

[jordan-garland]

An Interview with HEXA

In April 2015, composer and director of the Room40 imprint Lawrence English and frontman Jamie Stewart of experimental group Xiu Xiu performed an auditory response to director David Lynch’s photographs of deteriorating industrial sites and factories as part of the Queensland Art Gallery and Gallery of Modern Art’s David Lynch: Between Two Worlds exhibition. As HEXA, the two released their soundtrack to Lynch’s photographs, titled Factory Photographs, in November 2016. The album is a dark and harrowing piece of music that evokes the same feelings of decay and coarseness that Lynch’s photographs of the skeletal factories expressed. On the 16th of February, just before HEXA would present their soundtrack live in Bristol’s Lantern in Colston Hall, I had the opportunity to sit with Lawrence and Jamie to discuss their collaboration, their influences, where music stands as an art form, how sound affects and occupies the body, their new solo albums (Cruel Optimism and FORGET), and their future projects.

I wanted to get some background on how the project came together as HEXA and how you were approached to do the performance at the Gallery of Modern Art.

Lawrence English: Actually we were kind of doing things before that and there is actually a still-unreleased 10-inch that exists that [Jamie] may or may not even remember now after the years it’s been waiting to come out.

Jamie Stewart: I remember, I remember.

LE: It’s actually a project with Basic House, so we did a split 10-inch with this group in Berlin. There was an artist that made the cover and it was a collaborative process and then we didn’t actually get around to it. We sort of developed some other things, but it was just floating, probably because we were both busy. Then this opportunity with the Factory Photographs commission came up and I think it just lended the focus that it needed, just to really apply ourselves to something, and also having a deadline is a wonderful thing. It’s a brutally wonderful thing. It just came together around that and it was really helpful.

Did David Lynch have any sort of involvement with it or have you heard from him afterwards what he thinks of how you’ve interpreted his photographs?

JS: [Lawrence] had more interaction on that than I did.

LE: You did meet him in LA, right?

JS: I was too shy. Shayna and Angela [of Xiu Xiu] met him, but I didn’t meet him. I did stand next to him.

LE: He came out to Brisbane before the exhibition opened. There was the exhibition opening, then a few weeks later, Jamie and Xiu Xiu came down to do the Music from Twin Peaks then we did HEXA the following day. He didn’t actually see the performance, but he was sent the documentation from the performance. He’s been incredibly supportive to us and certainly very generous to me when I did meet him, because I had a sort of rambling confession about how important the Eraserhead sound design was to me when I was 15-years-old.

Factory Photographs is very similar to the sound of Eraserhead, I found.

LE: Yeah, I think it’s probably because a lot of those photos originated around the same time. Obviously, they were part of an ongoing series, but those early ones from New Jersey and some of the other US locations were very much around that same time. He’s been super generous to us and very supportive and he gave us the carte blanche to continue the project beyond that initial commission.

JS: And allowed us to use the reproduction of the photograph for the cover, which was a surprise and generous delight.

Have you two influenced each other? Obviously, you’ve been working together for a while now, so I was wondering if Lawrence’s work has influenced Xiu Xiu and vice versa.

JS: Oh, tremendously.

LE: It’s a mutual fan club, come on.

JS: It is one of the purest and rarest delights to get to play with somebody who you’re also a fan of. You play and you listen to them and go, “He is really good. Oh wait, I’m playing with him too, yes!” Several of Lawrence’s records are amongst my favourite. Completely outside of our friendship, I listen to him way more frequently than I admit to him.

LE: It’s likewise. Because we both have new solo records out now, I think we’ve probably been on a similar timeline so there have been a lot of interactions. Jamie was one of the first people to listen to Cruel Optimism.

JS: Lawrence was, I think, the first person I sent our new record, FORGET, to.

LE: So he came back to me and said, “Look, it’s shit, you’ve just got to completely redo it.” So I did.

JS: I didn’t say that. It is a supremely great record.

LE: It’s important. I think that actually critical feedback is really useful. Obviously there’s a friendship component to it, but it’s actually important to have people that can listen critically and probably understand the context of where it’s coming from and can kind of situate it in a way where it’s not just ‘there’s an aesthetical component, there’s a technical component’, where you can bring that together.

JS: Particularly someone you not only trust, but also respect. If some fuckhead from the aforementioned New Jersey writes a shitty review, you can choose to or not to take it to heart. But if there’s a musician who’s not only your friend, but someone whose work you admire, you believe what they say to you and it can be extraordinarly helpful.

I can imagine since you’re both prolific and experimental in your music, that plays a part in it as well.

JS: I think in the Venn diagram of what we’re doing, there’s a lot of crossover. We have a lot of other similar interests outside of music too, so it’s easy to come up with, this is a preposterous thing to say, a language of critique and advice that the other person can understand, because there’s a lot of things outside of music that we can reference that we both have a connection to and an interest in.

LE: It’s actually really important, generally, the idea of being critical. I think this very much goes for music journalism. Music isn’t necessarily addressed in the same way that the other art forms are and I think that’s actually a huge problem. A lot of that comes out the way that music was situated in the mid-20th century-

JS: And continues to be.

LE: Yes. The idea of the single is this kind of twisting point where suddenly music is extracted out of the idea of it being a non-representational art form into it being entertainment. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with music being entertaining, but I think there’s a problem if it doesn’t exist beyond it’s entertainment value. Quite often, I’m really impressed when I read something from somewhere and I actually have to say that quite recently I’ve read a couple of pieces where people are engaging with the material in a way that’s actually quite sophisticated and it’s really refreshing.

JS: “Refreshing,” is the exact word to describe when you read a thoughtful review. It’s sad that it’s refreshing, it shouldn’t be refreshing!

LE: No, it should be the status quo!

JS: But it is incredibly refreshing to read something like, “Oh, this person cares about music and they’re thinking about it! They’re not just trying to be a snarky internet fiend.”

LE: I think in the visual arts, there’s a much more heavy interest.

JS: Interestingly, in the visual arts, sometimes it goes too far in the other direction!

LE: Yes, absolutely, there can be a concept for the sake of itself. But, I think there is a real value in that critical discorse. I think that music is an opportunity to have a conversation, like Factory Photographs for me. I know David Lynch is very much taken with the aesthetic intent of what those images are, but for me when I look at them there’s so much political overlay in what they represent, particularly because of the times he captured the photographs.

JS: And region. There was the same economic failure happening in two diametrically opposed economic systems at relatively the same point. You blew it, both sides!

I find that your music, both together and your solo works, has a raw emotion to it, but it’s also a vulnerable sound, especially Factory Photographs. The images themselves are decay and, like you said, with what was going on politically. Is that something that you aim to get across in your music or a sort of byproduct as well?

JS: For me, it’s the primary point of making music. In everything that I’ve ever worked on, the goal for me is to have there be some intense and, hopefully, meaningful attachment to the emotion. And that’s what I want to get out of music as a music fan as well.

LE: When I was younger, I had a strange position I suppose you could say which was I tried to behave in an apolitical way and at the time, I didn’t have the sophistication to recognise that, obviously, being apolitical is a political gesture. I kind of do that the same way approaching the work. I was interested in how the receiver interpreted the work entirely. I tried to make it, particularly with the experimental stuff, in a way that was about this kind of flat horizon, a desert to walk through. It can be beautiful, but it can also be confronting. I think increasingly I’ve stepped away from that in the last ten years and I’m much more interested in the idea of affect and the complexity of the internal relationship you have with work. There’s these things that we feel and experience and listen to, those kind of relationships are so unable to be understood, really. Like, why do we feel a certain way when tones are played? Why does temper affect the way we can approach or not approach work? I think increasingly I’m really conscious of what that means and how profound it can be, actually, as a listener to music myself and for other people engaging. I think about, in concert particularly, the bodily effect and Factory Photographs is very much about this idea of bodily effect.

JS: Music, although ephemeral, is a physical force. Something is moving through the room that you can feel, and therefore you’re essentially touching it. A lot of it is relating to that. A factory produces something and it can destroy a body or it can allow us to go on with our life, i.e. feed their children or put a roof over their head. It is very, very much a nod to the factory producing something and it ending up having a direct and physical result on somebody’s life. It could just completely obliterate their fingers, or it can put their kids through school.

LE: Or both!

JS: Or both. In a completely different way, music does that. Both of the things affect people’s bodies, this set more than anything I’ve ever done; I’m feeling much more blanketed by the sound which is, as a physical sensation, quite wonderful. It is a lot like being high. When you get high, you feel a vibration from the beginning to the end of the extremities of your body. Standing next to two incredibly huge speakers playing, seeing that Lawrence has cut all of the high-end off and jacked up all of the bass, my body feels squished in the nicest way.

LE: Cheap highs from Lawrence English.

JS: Great mixtape!

I touched on how you’ve influenced each other, but have you got any other musical influences or would you say that it’s more life experiences?

JS: It’s just Lawrence for me.

LE: I love a lot of music, don’t get me wrong, I love a great deal of music. But also art. Today, for example, we went to see Incoming, the new Richard Mosse exhibition that my friend Ben [Frost] did the sound design for, and that was actually incredibly effective as a work.

JS: It was really, really, really well done.

LE: And I think that kind of thing for me resonates hugely in the kind of work I wanna do, and it’s not exactly like a transcription of the same feeling. I can give you a good example that I haven’t really spoken about much with Cruel Optimism, but a large part of the initial investigation into this idea of obsession that was part of the way I approached Cruel Optimism came out of this one book called Karasu by Japanese photographer Masahisa Fukase. It’s basically a book of photographs of crows and it’s an incredible book that he made after his wife left him. He basically spent ten years photographing these particular parts of Japan as a way of kind of, I guess, trying to forget his wife, because before that he’d spend most of his time photographing her so suddenly she was gone and there was this huge gap there and it was like ‘how can I fill this gap?’ The photos are incredible and he lived this incredible life, twenty years of which was in a coma from 1992 to 2012 when he died. Twenty years he was in a coma and his wife came to see him every day, every week, whatever. There are incredible kinds of things which, for me, resonate just as strongly as some of the experiences I’ve had listening to a band. I had this period, about ten days, where I saw Swans and My Bloody Valentine, both of which I had wanted to see for about fifteen or twenty years or longer in some cases. To have that experience, actually, for me it resolved a bunch of questions I had had about performance, because I had essentially stopped performing. Those groups made me recognise what that relation is between the audience and the performer, and a sound system in a room and a body. Those things are really meaningful and I think there’s stuff to be extracted from everything. Touring is wonderfully inspirational, because you suddenly get a different perspective on how other people live, do what they do, and it helps you contextualise who it is you are, what you want to do, how you want to engage, and what’s your way of being in the world.

JS: When you have the incredibly privileged opportunity to go to as many cities as people who tour frequently do, you are able to ingest the fragile diversity of what it happens to be and I think part of the obligation of being in a privileged position is to pay as much attention to it as you can and turn it into the best thing that you can from being given the gift of being exposed to a hundred times more than most people, unfortunately, have the opportunity to be exposed to.

LE: It’s very true. It is a privilege, there’s no doubt. We have incredibly privileged lives, most of us do generally, but there are degrees of privilege in this sort of ridiculous life.

JS: I think in terms of the wide range of stimulus that touring musicians who make the effort to travel the world get a chance to see, it is an extraordinary privilege.

Did your work with HEXA affect the way you approached your new solo albums, Cruel Optimism and FORGET?

JS: It’s affecting the way that I’m working on the follow-up to FORGET tremendously.

LE: I would say definitely, I developed a bunch of new techniques that I’ve never done before making the HEXA record.

JS: I did too. Technically, there was a lot of new tricks. Aesthetically, it’s affecting the next record.

LE: All these things come through each other in various ways, and sometimes it’s really acute the way it’s pronounced and other times it’s just completely incidental, like a kind of setting on a compressor.

JS: It really is stuff like that. For two people who at the exact same moment, as soon as you turned the recorder on, snapped their fingers, that’s really one of the main things we’re looking for.

LE: How can we snap our fingers more efficiently or slightly more nuanced, a bit higher maybe.

Do you have any plans to collaborate again?

JS: HEXA’s an ongoing concern.

LE: We’ve actually started work on the next one. I think in the next few months. Maybe this year, late in the year. There’s some work to be done. It will be interesting to see another collaborative project.

Check out the singles “Wondering”, “Jenny GoGo”, and “Get Up” from Xiu Xiu’s forthcoming album FORGET. Stream the album courtesy of Noisey and buy the album from Polyvinyl Records or bandcamp.

Stream and buy Lawrence English’s new album Cruel Optimism from Room40 or bandcamp.

Photo credits: HEXA, David Lynch, and Masahisa Fukase.

[kurtismarleau-blog]

I Need to Stop Feeling so Hopeless.

My name’s Kurt, I play bass in a rock band called Glass Iris. I started Glass Iris in highschool with a vision. I wanted to combine the raw aggressive elements of the band Nirvana with the psychedelic processed sound present in bands such as Porcupine Tree. I got a part time job and invested every penny I made into creating the sound I had in my head. I recruited two of my best friends on guitar and drums and I’m still privileged enough to continue to work with them today. I achieved this vision by building an effects board which today has 11 of the weirdest pedals on the market. I take pride in the investments I’ve made (yes, I’ll admit I am a bit of a materialist.) as they’ve shaped a high quality and original sound that is close to the sound I’ve been hearing in my head since I was a kid. Curtis (my drummer) and Devon (my guitar player) are among the most complimentary musicians I’ve worked with. The three of us obsess over tone. There’s always a knob that can be turned or something new to be saving for.

I’ve been told as an artist that I will never be satisfied. This has become painstakingly true in my lack of confidence. I hate my singing voice although I took lessons for years and know the technique. I don’t think we’re a great band as I’m always listening for the mistakes. This makes the need for improvement extreme. This year I’ve taken on Devon as a student and we’ve both been learning the modes of a scale and incorporating them into our newer compositions. We’ve moved away from the pop song structure and really started to move towards a more progressive sound feel. I’ve been teaching my singer, Justin, some new techniques that I learned while taking music lessons and watching him improve is one of the most satisfying things I’ve experienced thus far in my musical journey. We’re in the process of bumping up our social media game and releasing merchandise later this year. Things are becoming very exciting!

I still don’t see the listening value in our music however. I still don’t know how to react when people recognize me as “the bassist of Glass Iris” rather than Kurt. I still have trouble taking people seriously when they try to compliment a performance. I guess I really shouldn’t have spent two years indoors. 

Recently our local rock bar here in Barrie, The Foxx hosted a competition during it’s open jam nights. The winner will receive two free song recordings at One Star Studio. Since August I’ve been at The Foxx every Wednesday for open jam to try and apply what I’ve been learning musically at home in a real life situation. I’ll tell myself I’m going to try and play the phrygian mode during a jam tonight, or I’m going to walk underneath this guys acoustic song, or I’m not bringing a guitar pick this time because I’m a bassist and I should be playing with my fingers. It’s been great and my playing has definitely progressed but I’m still not satisfied.

The band has been lying low. I can’t say exactly what’s happening but we’re getting ready to do some big things this year. We decided to come out of hiding for the recording competition in hopes of being able to use the studio to aid us in the composition process. It’s possible that this competition has a fine print for the winner and we may have to have the songs already written, but I’m not counting on winning. The other bands in my opinion are much more deserving especially An Ostriches Hypothesis. There’s so much groove and some amazing musicians in that trio. I’d be thrilled to see them win.

The contest ran for six weeks. We showed up on the second week with our pedal boards and our guitars ready to perform. I was informed I wouldn’t be able to use my Gallien Krueger head as it only accepted speakon cable and the cabinet I would have been plugging into used 1/4′. So I was forced to use the house amp. A Fender Rumble head. I’m familiar with the rumble series as my first real amp was a Fender Rumble 30 but the difference was I was running effects now. I turned on the amp and the sound that came from it was explosive. It completely rejected my effects because I had dialed them in for the active equalizer on my Gallien Krueger amp while the Fender amp had a passive Equalizer. I got it somewhat under control but by now my anxiety had kicked in and started to take its toll on my overall performance. I missed pedal switches, I sped up, I messed up a solo (yes we do a bass solo. Fuck off purists.), my distortion was too loud, my chorus was too watery, it was a shit show. I got off stage to Steve shaking my hand and going off about how “Lost in the Obscenities” is such a good tune. He went up on stage, promoted the show his band had coming up and extended a huge thank you to Glass Anus which lightened the mood we had walking off stage. This was the first show where I personally really let my bandmates down. Everyone played exceptionally except me. The moment I have an anxiety attack everything locks up and I just can’t do it. It always happens so fast and by the time it’s over I’m walking off stage physically and emotionally drained. There was no doubt in my mind that we’d be back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R8Z3fD_O1Q

We returned on the final week of the contest. I knew what to expect this time and did everything I could to keep myself in good spirits before the show. Curtis and I decided to take turns reminiscing on embarrassing performances we’ve had for some laughs. He called me out for writing a song about my ex and I called him out for stopping early during one of songs at another show. We recalled our days in Tonal Instinct where we told our previous singer to write a metaphorical song about the growth of a tree. The guy decided to write “there once was a tree in a field he has seen it all”... Not really what we had intended. Go look it up for the cringes if you’re interested. Despite the cringefest it put Curtis, Devon and I in good spirits. Justin showed up to the venue later on in the evening and we got the ok to setup. I finished setting up relatively quickly and decided to take the opportunity to join Aaron who was playing an acoustic song. Normally having a bassist for an acoustic song at open jam is considered to be taboo but I needed time to dial in my effects for this one. I got my chorus and my multiwave distortion dialed in during this jam session. I also got my EQ to sound nice and growly. 

The show was tight. One of our tightest sets to date. There were hiccups that I’m still pissed off happened and my tone wasn’t complimentary to Devon’s but it was a definite improvement. Once again Steve obsessed over Obscenities and I got back at him for the Glass Anus joke. I went up to the mic and explained that “NothingBox is a reference to Steve’s fruitless sex life.” Normally after a good show I’ll ask my fellow musicians at The Foxx for criticism. I didn’t get much criticism at this show. I was really annoyed by this. I tried being respectful and saying “y’know that means a lot” but there always has to be something. It was better but I still hated that it wasn’t perfect and the fact that my fellow musicians thought it was acceptable was beyond me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpcCVdWlf1g

Last Wednesday they announced the finalists. I was taught that you dress up for any award ceremony even if you know you’re not going to win. It’s something you do out of respect for the hosts. So I went down in a dress shirt and vest. Of course with Barrie being the stoner town that it is, I was the only one dressed up. Devon and I were the only two who could make it out of Glass Iris that night. I was disappointed in the small turnout that night despite all of the bands that competed. In my opinion if you had the balls to compete you should have the balls to be there for the announcement. Around midnight Murray (the cook at The Foxx. We don’t normally talk about Murray.) came up to me and Devon and told us we’re among the finalists. I didn’t believe him at first. I thought it was some kind of sick joke with a rude punchline. I had to go up to the owner, Shane and get confirmation. 

So here I am tonight. Obsessively practicing the set for our finalist performance on Wednesday. We’ll be sharing the stage with Vntler, An Ostriches Hypothesis, and The Cooked Book. All of which have insanely superior musicians to us. They’re all good friends of mine too so I’d be thrilled to see any of them win the recording time. But I’ve learned a lesson from this whole experience. I need to stop letting my hopelessness translate into my performances and actually give myself a chance. I’m going to make it a goal to start managing this project with a little bit more optimism than what I have been because if we’re good enough to make the finalists we’re good enough to appeal to somebody.  I’m still speechless. It’s the weirdest shit having our name on that poster. It’s time to improve.