#when you think about his hair slowly drying wavy because of the salt in the sea and his little bracelets and rings and a necklace !!

[vcrnons]

hi i love fueling delusional vernon ideas so i can imagine vernon going around shortless in board shorts and he's SO oblivious to how hot he is he just thinks people are looking at him weird because he's got a giant surfboard with him but ajgdiwhsowhdosjele i need to think about him trying to do a double thumbs up and smiling at a camera before wiping out because he stopped paying attention like an idiot to balance this out i'm going to be cataonic over him help

HEY NOW

hey so this was beyond uncalled for & i’m literally biting through my pillow right now😭

because. because why am i now sitting here completely DUMB on my sunday night thinking about watching the sunset at the beach with this absolute loser in his unbuttoned shirt and little short shorts!!! a little bit sunburnt on the bridge of his nose!!!! music playing quietly on his phone that’s sitting in the sand between the two of you but you’re just listening to the sounds of the sea and he’s!! slowly!!! reaching over!!!!! to hook ur fingers together!!!!! and smiling to himself!!! as he watches the waves crash onto the sand!!!! at the end of a long summer dancing around each other and he finally makes his move im going!!!! to scream now!!!!! really loudly!!!!!

[ateezmakemeweep]

you’re the one that i want (part 4)

word count: 6k

angst, fluff

(part 3) (series masterlist)

taglist: @chogiout ; @seonghwaslut​ ; @psshwa​ ; @yeocult​ ; @seongghwaa​ ; @cherryeonii​ ; @chaoticbanqtan​ ; @8teenee​ ; @nczenniez​ ; @atinyarmyx1​ ; @mingtopiaa​ ; @chubsluda​ ; @myjiminmychimchim​ ; @mochibabycakes​ ; @jisungity​ ; @skz-on-my-mind​ ; @mingtopiaa​ ; @nlost21​ ; @myonlyaurora​ ; @closer-stars​ ; @kuaenam3g​ ; @byungaji​ ; 

by the fourth day of lessons, you’re convinced of two things: you will never ever be a professional surfer and seonghwa will be completely responsible for your heart short circuiting at some point this summer. because if he grips your bare waist one more time, you will not be able to handle it.

but thats what’s happened each and every time you flop into the water, grounding your feet on the board below you before the smallest wave sends you barreling off. and he’s caught you almost every time, a small smile on his face as he shakes his head at you.

“that was the farthest you’ve gotten,” he says encouragingly, seeing a considerable improvement from the first day you started. it took him almost five hours to teach you how to keep your balance, paddling in on your stomach before standing up on the board. 

“that’s not saying much,” you whine, rubbing the salt water from your eyes. you pull back and look down at your tanned arms, remembering how within ten minutes of your first lesson he nearly made you pass out.

“hi!” you exclaimed happily, walking out of your house with a beach bag and water bottle.

you hadn’t been able to sleep last night, excited but also nervous for today. you didn’t really know what to expect but the thought of seeing him again sent your stomach and heart fluttering. you were also still a little embarrassed about giving him that little turtle, wondering just how creeped out and shocked he truly was.

“hey,” he says, nodding his head toward you, “you ready?” 

you look up at him and smile, tanned face and slicked back hair already making you bothered. but then you notice him squint his eyes, looking over your slightly burnt face and arms before shaking his head.

“did you put on sunscreen?”

your face drops and the guilty look in your eyes causes him to groan. he drops his board and takes the black bag from his back, zipping it open and pulling out a bottle of sunscreen.

“here.”

and you already know better than to refuse, taking it with a wince and quiet “thank you.”

he watches you rub it over your arms and shoulders, feeling your cheeks warm as his eyes stay on you. “did you put some on?” you ask, in an effort to distract yourself from his piercing gaze.

but he only nods his head, picking his board up and dusting off some sand and dirt as his eyes remain on you. you squirt some more on your hand before giving it to him with a grateful smile, rubbing it in and then wiping the excess on your face.

“thank you,” you tell him. “i always forget to put it on which would explain why i’m a little-” 

“missed some,” he hums lowly, his hand slowly reaching out so his thumb can rub in the lotion on your cheek.

he does everything so smoothly and nonchalantly while you inhale sharply, your lips parting and watching him with wide eyes. it was the first indication that his touch was gonna be gentle this week, his hands softer than you expected. his eyes meet yours when he pulls his hand back, raising his eyebrow when he sees your face.

“you good?”

yeah, i’m good, you think, i just have a handsome boy touching my face about to put me in cardiac arrest.

“you’re good,” his deep voice says, hearing the way he’s holding back a chuckle. “you’re getting better.”

you look at the board skeptically and he can’t help but smirk, tapping the black foam encouragingly. “c’mon.”

you huff at his persistence, pouting as you regretfully try again. you practice on and off for the rest of the day, a particularly big wave causing him to tug you up by the arm and hold you steadily so you don’t get thrown underwater.

he holds you tighter as the wave crashes down stronger, his other hand resting on your waist and it’s so large against your body that you’re doing everything in your power to ignore it.

“okay, maybe we’ll try again tomorrow,” he says lowly, removing his hands from you as his words fan against your ear. you wipe the salt water dripping from your face, your eyes boring into his harshly as your body starts to ache from being knocked around all day.

“what’s the use,” you say dejectedly, gathering your hair to squeeze the excess water out, “i’m never gonna be able to do it.”

but then just three days later, seonghwa watches as you stand up on a board and manage to come in on a wave. it was small and fairly unimpressive opposed to what other surfers were doing but you stood balanced and held your position the whole time, seonghwa watching with a small smile as he nods his head approvingly.

“i did it!” you squeal, bouncing over to him in the water with a smile on your face. the sun was beating down behind you, your wet hair cascading down your your sun-kissed skin, luckily no longer burnt thanks to seonghwa’s daily reminders of sunscreen.

“you did,” he says, his voice low but proud and he can’t take his eyes off your happy smile and bouncing figure. “i told you you were gonna get it.”

you smile up at him and clap your hands, turning around to see more doable waves coming in. “can i try again?”

he bites his lip at your eagerness, his deep voice mumbling “go for it,” causing you to smile and run out. he watches as you shakily make your way up on the board, steadying yourself with your hands out before your surprised giggle pierces his ears.

he hadn’t known what to expect this week, still surprised himself that he offered to help you in the first place. he couldn’t even think of why he asked you, just knew that before he could stop himself the words were leaving his mouth and then he was leading you down to the ocean.

he also hadn’t known how much he was gonna like helping you, looking forward to waking up and seeing you every morning; even though it meant hours of helping you and watching you struggle.

he liked your look of determination despite your bits of self-deprecation and negativity, rolling his eyes and insisting you go again. and even though it looked like you wanted to give up, you persevered; he also wasn’t blind to the fact he liked watching you in the ocean, water clinging to your figure and hair as your tanned face smiled up at him.

you didn’t smile a lot, a real happy smile at least, but when you did, it was almost always followed by a blush; because he really couldn’t help but stare at you, thinking it was one of the prettiest things he’d ever seen. but then when he finds himself having these thoughts, he shakes the cringey words out of his head and berates himself.

he doesn’t think he’s really good for anyone but he knows he’s especially not good for someone like you. a girl who’s scared of her own shadow and walks around giving people silly, overpriced figurines and has some obvious trauma attached to her.

he’s only known for a week but usually, that’s all the time he needs to sleep with a girl before deeming her too annoying, too clingy or just “not what he’s looking for right now.”

but there’s something about you, how he can’t resist smirking when he sees you bouncing toward him with an excited smile. “i did it again!” you squealed.

“i saw,” he says with a small smirk, wanting desperately to reach out and move away a piece of your wet hair. but you knock it away from your face before he can, floating in the water as you push the board back to him.

“are you gonna go now?”

“nah,” he says, shaking his head. “i don’t wanna make you feel bad.”

a scoff leaves your mouth as you shake your head, splashing him playfully as you narrow your eyes at him. “mean!”

he smirks as you guys float there for a few minutes, you splashing him occasionally and causing him to do it back. but then a harsh slew of waves proves too daunting and nearly forces you both out of the water.

it even knocks seonghwa down and you guys pop up with a giggle, accepting defeat for the day. you two had already been here for hours, the sun low in the sky and your muscles weak from being slapped around by the water.

you make your way to the bags where you towel is laid out with your clothes and flip flops. you dry yourself off before laying back with a tiny groan, stretching your sore arms above your head; you had severely underestimated just how physically challengingly surfing is.

“dramatic,” you hear a deep voice say above you, popping your head up to narrow your eyes at seonghwa.

“give me a break, i’m a rookie, okay,” you whine, a snort leaving him as he shakes his wet hair with a towel.

the water splashes on your body, looking at him just as he peeks his head up. hair shaggy and wet, his eyebrow quirks up at you when he notices your gaze and it immediately sends your heart into a frenzy. you never know what slight facial change of his is gonna make your hormone-filled, energy-ridden body react.

“you splashed me,” you say, voice small but full of amusement and he can’t help but snort.

“you splashed me, too,” he mumbles, shaking his head purposefully as it flings on you.

“hey!” you squeal, your girlish giggle drowned out by the sound of male voice shouting “traitor!”

seonghwa rolls his eyes upon hearing the familiar boy, reaching out to grab his board and lifting it in time to smack him in the face. jongho’s knocked to the side with an oomph, yunho’s cackle mixed with hongjoong’s concerned yelp bringing a smile to your face.

“dickhead,” yunho says, knocking into seonghwa before looking down at you in surprise. “oh shit, hey y/n.”

“hi,” you say as you crane your neck up, the boy’s happy smile and wavy blue hair still such a shocking contrast to his towering height. yunho looks over at seonghwa and notices his wet hair, eyebrow raised as he looks at his friend suspiciously.

“you already go out?”

you bite the inside of your cheek as you take in seonghwa’s appearance, something about it noticeably more frigid as his eyes move from you to his friend.

“only for a second,” is all he cryptically offers. yunho doesn’t comment on the fact that both of you have wet hair, raising a brow at him before looking down at you. he sees your eyes flash with confusion before they change to their usual twinge of lightness and fear.

“did you guys run into each other?” yunho can’t help but ask nosily, sensing something not quite right in the air. “or were you here together?” you fumble with your clothes and towel nervously, waiting for seonghwa to say something.

because when you grow up in a household like yours, it becomes like second nature to pick up on the subtlest changes in body language or the tone of someone’s voice, just a general feeling in the air. it’s the difference between getting hit or having an uneventful night, getting screamed at while spit flies in your face or having a tense, slightly awkward but peaceful conversation.

and right now, you can tell seonghwa maybe doesn’t want them to know he was with you.

but then jongho barrels over and pokes seonghwa in the stomach, the boy narrowing his eyes at the blonde before smacking him in the head. “fuck off,” he grumbles, yunho reaching around to grab jongho by the shoulder.

“he’s gonna punch you one day.”

“pussy boy would never,” the boy retorts, seonghwa snorting as he remains completely unbothered. you bite your lip to hide your smirk, the banter between the boys something you find all too funny and endearing.

“i know you weren’t the biggest fan of the other one but there’s gonna be another fire tonight, if you wanna come,” yunho says. you smile at the invite and the hopeful look in his eyes, looking over at seonghwa whose eyes are trained on something behind you.

“maybe,” you squeak out. “thank you.”

“no problem,” yunho says, smiling down at you happily before he smacks his red surfboard. “you wanna surf with us? i know you said you don’t know how but we can-”

“nah, water’s crazy today,” seonghwa says, quickly halting yunho from finishing his invite. “wouldn’t be a good day to teach her.” the blue haired boy’s eyes narrow at his friend and you feel your heart sink, the smile on your face falling ever so slightly.

“i’m sure she’d be able to-”

“no, it’s okay,” you’re quick to say, hating the way your voice is so timid and dismissive. “i should be getting back anyway. my aunt’s probably expecting me back for dinner soon.”

“oh, alright. maybe next time,” yunho says, smiling down at you one last time before he takes his board under his arm. “hopefully we see you tonight.” you nod your head at the boy’s, dropping your gaze when seonghwa looks at you and softly saying “bye,” as you start packing your stuff up.

you pack up your stuff and shimmy into your clothes as you watch seonghwa and his friends retreat down to the water, not surprised in the slightest he didn’t want them knowing you two had spent the past week together.

your aunt had fallen asleep after the third episode of your new reality tv show, looking over at her with a soft smile to see her curled up on the couch. she had cooked you dinner and then you sat outside on her back porch, drinking soda out of wine glasses with a plate of cookies next to you.

she always kept the conversations light hearted and easy and that’s something you loved the most about her. she was one of the few people in this world that you didn’t have to force yourself to converse with. pauses and silence in conversation were comfortable with her, it never made you feel uneasy or awkward.

you get up quietly and take the dirty cups and plates to the kitchen, washing  and putting them away before cleaning up the kitchen counter and small table table. you don’t feel tired yet, courtesy of the hour and a half nap you’d taken when you got home from the beach, and now you find your feet itching to go to the beach.

even though you know you’ll probably hate being there and wish you’d stayed home, there’s a weird pulling feeling in your chest to go down and try again. you think it’d be better than laying restlessly in your bed, hearing the faint sounds of people’s laughter and music that vibrate off the beach.

you leave a note for your aunt in case she wakes up and leave the house, slowly making your way down the beach as a gentle breeze pushes your hair back. the familiar scene of teenagers around a fire and chatting on chairs comes into view, a speaker atop a cooler blaring loud pop music.

your teeth are in your lip already, eyes nervously floating around looking for anyone you know. the sight of bright red hair relaxes you just a few seconds later, the boy looking up and nodding his head at you. you smile as you wave, hesitantly making your way over.

“hi, hongjoong,” you say sweetly, giggling slightly when he throws back his beer and his face grimaces.

“that’s fucking nasty, i don’t know why i drink this shit,” he says, taking two more beers out of the cooler before facing you. “me and the boys are playing cornhole, come with me.”

you follow him as he asks if you’ve ever played before, shaking your head before you see bean bags soar through the air. it flies past the board and into the sand, jongho and seonghwa snorting as yunho lets out a frustrated groan.

“fuck you guys! this shit is rigged or something.”

“you say that every time. you just fucking suck,” hongjoong yells to the boy. yunho’s eyes narrow at him, so annoyed and upset at his horrific skills he doesn’t even notice you standing next to him.

“you’re on my team, you dick! you should be-” his eyes move to see you looking at them with a smile, trying desperately not to burst out laughing. “y/n! you came!”

you giggle as you nod your head, not sure if the boy’s looking at you or you yourself are more surprised by that fact. you feel seonghwa’s gaze on you but ignore it like the plague, still not sure how to handle his attitude change.

“have you ever played cornhole?”

you shake your head again, jongho a few feet away gasping like you’ve committed a grave sin; they insist that once the round is done, you’ll have to join them in the next game.

“she can take my spot,” seonghwa says, your head snapping up to look at him as he pats jongho’s shoulder.

“what, why?” hongjoong asks, “we’re almost done.”

“i can’t stand this guy anymore,” seonghwa says, nudging jongho with a smirk. his eyes meet yours, the hurt and confusion swirling in them immediately causing him to drop them. “and i gotta go talk to someone.”

you watch as he nods his head toward a group of boys and yunho and hongjoong turn to see, the redhead groaning as the other rolls his eyes; they must not like them.

“we told you not to-”

but seonghwa stalks off toward the group of boys and you release a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “asshole,” hongjoong grumbles, taking a swig from his drink before turning to you. “ready to learn?”

you were happy to see that your lesson of cornhole was going considerably better than surfing, an excited gasp leaving you the first time your beanbag slid right into the hole.

“fuck yeahhh!” jongho roars - and really roars. it is so loud and ear-piercing because you’re quickly learning he’s quite the sore winner and loser.

he runs over to smack your hand in a high five and you giggle softly, meeting his as hongjoong and yunho’s face turn defeated. “this is beginners luck,” yunho grumbles, his eyes softening when you narrow yours at him. the two boys demand a rematch and jongho agrees before you can say anything, watching them scramble to set up.

you can’t help but scan the beach until you see seonghwa, a cigarette hanging from his mouth as he talks to the three others boys. they look intimidating like him, hard gazes and just an aura of power and dominance that makes you nervous even from afar. the dirty blonde looks even more scary than usual with them, nothing like the boy who was splashing with you in the ocean all week.

“y/n!” jongho says, seonghwa looking over and seeing your gaze on him. 

you quirk your lips into a small smile before immediately looking away, catching the bean bag the blonde throws your way. you keep your eyes and attention trained on the game, laughing at how truly terrible yunho is and ignoring the occasional bore of someone’s gaze watching you the entire time.

when you were surrounded by the fire again an hour later, next to yunho and hongjoong, you found yourself getting antsy. 

the group of teens is very similar to everyone in town, nice and welcoming but also overwhelming. it’s obvious they’re all close and comfortable with one another, sharing inside jokes and talking about old memories that you can only find yourself politely smiling about.

so, just like last time, you tell yunho you’re gonna check in with your aunt and sneak away from the group. you trace the same path you took to the rocks last weekend, the cold sand between your toes before the rocky surfaces puncture your feet. you make your way up steadily before plopping down, allowing your feet to hang over the edge as you stare out into the ocean.

as the gentle waves slap against one another, you can’t help but think about your week with seonghwa. how you slowly got a little more comfortable with him and saw his hard exterior break down every so slightly; he still seemed guarded and cold but you at least were able to see cracks in his strong demeanor.

but then all of that backtracked the moment his friends came around you guys; even tonight, he had barely talked to you. had barely looked your way and acted as if he didn’t really know you. and you suppose you guys really don’t know each other that way but you thought you were at least...acquaintances.

but then again what did you really expect? for him to proclaim some sort of immediate infatuation with you? proudly tell them he’s taken you under his wing and spending all day, every day with you? 

your parents always say how sensitive you are and now you see what they mean, shaking these thoughts from your head as you let out a sigh.

this is why you shouldn’t try to form friendships with people. why you shouldn’t get your hopes up and put your faith in others and-

“hey.”

his voice causes you to jump again, turning around to see his figure looming a few feet behind. he’s standing tall and confident as always, his head cocked the slightest bit; you turn around so you’re able to speak without shaking.

“hi.”

a few moments pass before he walks toward you, every step he takes causing your heartbeat to increase until he sits down next to you and you remind yourself not to hold your breath; because that’s just what you need, bothering him some more by having him save you from plunging off a cliff due to your lack of oxygen.

“how was cornhole?”

a small, breathy chuckle leaves your mouth, looking over at him with a raised eyebrow to see his eyes on the water. “good,” you tell him, “it appears i’m a lot better at it than surfing.”

you watch as a smirk crosses his face before you quickly turn away, your feet swaying back and forth nervously as you try to figure out what his deal is.

is he annoyed that you hang out around his friends? maybe he had enough of you during the week and didn’t want you around when he was with them as well; after all, you’re always in the fucking way and that’s proving to be more and more obvious as you live your life.

but he had seemed so nice. smiling over at you and touching you softly as he kept you from falling. putting sunscreen on you and gently encouraging you to keep trying. what could have happened, did you-

“did i do something wrong?”

you don’t even realize the pathetic words leave you until your hear your voice pierce your ears, squeaky and shaky, like the way it sounds when you respond for attendance and immediately feel embarrassed. you can’t bear to look at him now, cheeks warming as you fixate on one particularly jagged rock in the ocean.

“what?” he asks and you can feel his gaze boring into your face.

but it’s too late to backtrack, unless you spring up and risk slipping on the rocks as you make your escape. but you think that might be worth it, since now embarrassment and shame and humiliation is coursing through you, especially when you begin to talk.

“i...i don’t know, it seemed like you didn’t want your friends to know we were...” you bite your lip and close your eyes, wanting to hide your face in your hands and scream. “that you were teaching me to surf. and then you left the game.”

he listens to your words but doesn’t say anything, just shifts next to you as the sound of the waves and distant chatter of people surround the beach. you think he might just get up and leave you here, which might be better as your anxious mouth opens up again.

“it’s okay if you don’t want them to know. i-i just, i’m sorry if i made you-”

“you didn’t do anything,” his deep voice says, immediately halting your words. he doesn’t like that you’re apologizing for no reason, feeling his stomach knot with shame that he made you feel this way. but it’s not even like he could say he didn’t know, because he knew very well what he was doing.

you relax slightly at his words, knowing deep down you hadn’t done anything but still accepting the blame. the same way you do when your mom yells at you for her knocking over a glass or when your dad slaps you for talking with the wrong tone.

because if you accept the blame and just apologize, maybe people will like you. maybe they’ll stick around and stay.

“i just didn’t want them knowing my business,” he says, turning your neck to look at him. his eyes are on you and they’re soft in the glow of the moonlight, a deep brown that looks like they feel and have seen so much.

your eyebrows pinch together, because they’re his friends? why would he keep things from them? but then he must catch it because he opens his mouth again.

“you see how they are, they’d be annoying. make a big deal out of me helping you or whatever.”

you bite your lip and drop your gaze, toying with the small bits of rock and debris the same way you did last time. you think his words should be making you feel better but they seem to weigh heavy on your heart and you’re not sure why.

“you didn’t have to help me,” you say quietly, subconsciously flinching at the way you talk back and defend yourself. “i didn’t expect you to-”

“i wanted to,” his deep voice says, commanding and powerful and you know his words ring true from the force behind it. you meet his gaze again and his eyes are even more intense, roaming over your face before they soften.

“if i didn’t want to hang out with you, i wouldn’t,” he says. because that’s the reality of the situation. if he didn’t wanna help you surf or buy you food this past week, he wouldn’t have. he wouldn’t have even looked your way or approached you in the first place.

and embarrassingly enough, that statement mixed with the look in his eyes settles you ever so slightly. brings a small, shy smile to your face that causes you to look down at your swinging feet.

“is that why you followed me up here again?”

you can hear his low chuckle and know a smirk is probably across his handsome face, his head shaking as he peaks at your blushing face. “had to make sure you weren’t gonna dive off.”

“that will never happen,” you assure with a humorless chuckle, “so you don’t have to keep doing that.”

“but i want too,” he repeats again, squinting his eyes at you challengingly.

it sends a warm fluttering feeling through you stomach and bite down on your lip as you smile, feeling like a stupid middle schooler talking to her crush. he smirks seeing you smile before he looks back out in the water, watching the gentle waves crash in the empty ocean.

“you know what else i wanna do?”

you hum quietly at his question, looking over so your gazes meet before he abruptly stands up and extends his arm. your eyebrows pull together in confusion and he resists the urge to roll his eyes, wiggling his fingers slightly in a silent demand to take his hand.

you swallow nervously before doing so, meeting his slightly calloused skin as you get up slowly. and like the warmth and way your hands fit together perfectly has now effect on him, he guides you down to the other side of the rock. he tightens his hold when you get to a particularly rocky point, bringing you in front of his body and placing his hand on your waist.

the warmth of his hand seeps through the thin material of your dress, breath quickening and stomach turning as you try to focus on making your way safely to the sand. and once the your feet hit the soft, cold surface his hand falls and you find yourself able to breathe again.

“what are we doi-”

his hand raises and grabs the back of his shirt, pulling the black material over his head with ease. you can’t help the way your eyes widen, the chain around his neck the only thing hitting his exposed chest. and stupidly enough, you throw your hands over your face with a squeal.

“what are you doing!”

his deep chuckle brings goosebumps to your skin but you still keep yourself hidden, because if you don’t you’ll just stare like a complete fucking creep.

“what is wrong with you? you saw me like this all week.”

you peak through your fingers to see him smiling at you, his perfect row of white teeth shining in the dark. how is that even possible? as if he wasn’t blessed enough with a sharp jawline and perfect facial features, he has the most beautiful, sparkling mouth full of teeth you’ve ever seen. they can’t be real, he can’t be real.

“you just did it so fast! it was unexpected!” you squeak, cautiously removing your hands from your face. “and you wanna swim now? it’s kind of cold.”

“that’s night swimming, city girl,” he says teasingly. “usually skinny dipping but something tells me your heart would fail if i suggested that.”

your eyes widen and cheeks flame as he looks over your figure, hands folded into one another and even with just the moonlight and light-posts behind you guys, he’s able to see he’s correct.

“i...i’ve gone skinny dipping before.”

his eyebrow raises as he looks at you, taking a step forward and causing you to swallow nervously. “really?”

“yeah,” you lie easily, surprised you didn’t stutter but not surprised by how hot you feel. 

his lips quirk to the side as he brings his hand to your shoulder, running his finger slowly over your warm skin as you take in a sharp inhale. he smiles upon hearing it, stepping another foot closer as fiddles with the strap of your dress.

“with who?”

his voice is deep and low in your ear, tracing up over your collarbone like he’s trying to memorize each and every part of your skin. his touch is soft but also teasing, the way his fingers trace over the bone and tickle at your neck before he starts toying with the strap again.

you can only try to control your breathing as you look up at him, his dark eyes unwavering as they look at you. you’re faintly aware of him moving the strap down your shoulder, circling your skin as he cocks his head to the side.

you breathe shakily, trying to get the words out but feeling like you’re stuck. stuck under his gaze and the way his finger is trailing up and down your skin, the strap hanging off your shoulder and warming you in a very unfamiliar way.

“my-my friend.”

you don’t mean to whisper the lie but that’s what happens, the smirk on his face never falling. he knows exactly what he’s doing and you have no idea what you’re doing and it makes you feel all the more vulnerable and exposed. but you also can’t pull yourself away, you like feeling caught in his trap.

he raises his eyebrow at you one more time, taking the strap between his fingers and pulling it back on your shoulder. his skin feels hot against yours and it feels as if sparks are shooting through you until he drops his hand to his side.

“you’re a bad liar.”

your head snaps up and he smiles big at you again, your mouth opening and closing as you try to find anything to say to him. “i wasn’t-” but he only puts a finger to your lips, your words immediately dying in your throat.

“don’t lie to me.”

you swallow nervously at his deep tone and eyes, your lips parting and his tongue flicking out to lick his own as you do so. you’re finally able to nod after a few seconds, watching him looking over you approvingly before taking a few steps back.

“you gonna come?”

your eyes widen again, wider than before because you can feel how big they are, and a loud deep chuckle bubbles out of him, probably the loudest, truest laugh you’ve heard from him since you met.

“swimming. are you gonna come swimming?”

your cheeks burn and you immediately shake your head to dull your embarrassment. “i don’t have a bathing suit.”

he raises a brow before bending down and giving you his black shirt on the floor. 

you look down at it dumbly before up at him, the boy only shrugging before silently making his way to the water. you watch him before looking down again at the shirt in your hands, feeling the soft black material and biting at your lip before pulling your dress over your head.

you can’t be scared forever.

you go home that night with a smile on your face, you and seonghwa looking at one another before you softly wish him a goodnight and rush into your room. you throw your body down on your bed, staring up at the ceiling as memories of the night play over in your head.

frolicking in the ocean with seonghwa, giggling when you splashed him by accident and then yelping when he grabbed you around the waist and threw you down. cupping salt water in your hands and dumping it over his head in retaliation, your soft giggle with his deep chuckle echoing through the beach.

and even when you got out absolutely freezing, teeth chattering and fingers and toes numb, you couldn't wipe the smile off your face as your arms bumped and hands grazed on the walk home. 

you can feel that this is only gonna end up hurting, knowing you shouldn't trust a boy that looks like him and acts the way he does, but you also just can't find it in yourself to care.

because you're already hurting, you've been hurting since you could grasp what feelings and emotions were. so why not go through it because of him now?

(part 5)

[21burritoseavey]

Chapter 5 - Slow Down

a/n: okay literally why did this take so long i’m so sorry, but i really hope you enjoy it! let me know what you think!

Summary:  Daniel and Y/n are best friends, but like every clique love story lol, Daniel fell for Y/n, though he’s never admitted his feelings because Y/n has a boyfriend. After their exams, the group of friends decide to go on a “California-cation” (see what I did there haha) but Y/n’s boyfriend also tags along. It gets a little interesting and I guess you’ll just have to see how things go…

“Okay, salt and vinegar chips for Jack, Sprite for Jonah and Sour Patch Kids for Zach. That’s all, right?” Daniel asked again, turning his head to be met with a small nod from Corbyn. Daniel pulled a gentle smile in return before letting his eyes hang on to Y/n sitting next to him. She was slouched down in her seat and her brunette waves shielded her face. Daniel narrowed his eyes in an attempt to see her through her thin strands of hair. The sheer view of her fidgeted nervously with the strings of her hoodie. He huffed lightly, turning back to grab his wallet. 

To his own surprise, Daniel grew jaded of his fluctuating emotions about Y/n so he pushed his own feelings aside and focused on making her feel better. He broke the serene quietness. “Y/n, can we talk?” She looked up cautiously and her eyes locked with Daniel’s and pulled a tight smile, “Yeah.” She said calmly before tapping Grayson on the shoulder. Grayson remained on his phone for most of the drive, which deeply irritated Y/n, but at the small nudge of her hand, Grayson looked up before quickly stepping out of the van. 

 “Y/n...” Daniel started, looking at Y/n who was walking slowly beside him. 

 “Mhm.” 

 “I-I…” Daniel struggled to find the right words to say to her and he quieted down again as he thought. “Y/n..” Daniel reached for Y/n’s hand, holding it in his as he gently pulled her in front of him. Y/n looked anywhere but him, trying to hide the furious tears pricking at her eyes. “Y/n,” Daniel tried again calmly, and Y/n looked at him. “Don’t worry about him, okay? He’s stupid for acting that way…” 

 A small smile tugged at Y/n’s lips, but she remained quiet, gesturing for him to keep going with a small nod. 

“We’re doing this so we can have fun!” Daniel cracked a genuine smile, “don’t let him ruin it for you” He said, flailing his arm out to the side as if pointing to Grayson in the van. Y/n grinned a real smile as she chucked, sending a rush of relief through Daniel’s veins and he softly let go of her hand. They continued walking towards the gas station and Daniel continued. 

 “Have you talked to Grayson? You know...after...that happened?” He asked.

 “No, not yet” Y/n answered, looking back at Daniel nervously, knowing well that she should’ve spoken to him. 

 “Well then, talk to him, you silly” Daniel tisked jokingly, nudging Y/n’s shoulder playfully.

“Okay, okay, I will,” Y/n replied with a gentle chuckle. ‘Thank you, Daniel. I don’t know what I’d do without you” she said honestly as she looked towards him with kind, sparkling eyes. 

 Y/n soon took Daniel’s advice and spoke to Grayson truthfully, fleshing out all her feelings right in front of him as he sat comfortably in the leather car seat beside her. Daniel listened silently from his spot in the front passenger seat, swapping seats with Jonah who was now driving the last leg of the road trip.

 With a few sweet words and half genuine apologies, - which Daniel highly detested- the young couple were back to “normal”, at least Y/n thought, and she felt herself melting more and more into Grayson’s side as he wrapped an arm around her waist. 

---

The midday sunlight dwindled, painting the sky with delicate hues of pink and orange as the sun settled lower in the distance. Daniel’s mood inclined to content and sheer excitement for the adventures ahead. He kept his mind in the present, savouring every moment the best he could as Jonah blazed through the Californian streets recklessly, hearing the faint rhythms of other vehicles cutting through the tarmac roads. 

 The windows were rolled down and blew the cool summer air into the sky-blue van. The delicate sound of Y/n cheerful giggles and the way her wavy brunette hair danced with the gentle breeze plastered an unfaltering, happy grin on Daniel’s face and he lolled his back to sneak a glance at her in Grayson’s arms. 

 The boys cheered loudly, basking in the brand-new freedom they had and with good enough lungs and energy levels, the group of friends chanted endless boyband tunes as sped off into the horizon. 

 Daniel diverted his gaze on nature out the window. He noticed the dry and rocky trails peeking through the forest of long trees and smiled lightly in anticipation of their adventures to come. 

 Meanwhile, Jonah, who was driving rather shakily, heard the unwanted tapping and clicking from somewhere in the car and instantly piped up from persisting gaze on the black top road. 

 “Daniel.” He murmured, glaring at him from the corner of his eye. “Daniel” Jonah whispered sternly again, quickly looking at the rest of the group in the back as if to check if they heard. To his relief, they were oblivious to the quite serious dilemma he had encountered.

 Their conversations flowed organically, and words stumbled from their lips with pure giddiness. Jonah huffed deeply, carefully reaching below him to retrieve his hat while keeping his eyes on the road. Daniel’s serene trance was interrupted by the uncomfortable smack of Jonah’s baseball cap on his face, and he turned his head in slow motion with pure shock etched in his now red face. 

 “Who could you?” He glared at Jonah seriously before his frown faltered into a toothy smile and a light laugh escaped his lips. 

 “You weren’t listening.” Jonah answered calmly, dropping the hat again as he chuckled. He cleared his throat before continuing, “But seriously, we have a problem” he whispered quietly. 

 Daniel leaned in closer. “What, what do you mean?” He asked as calmly as he could. Jonah hardly managed to struggle around the roundabout when the car spluttered abruptly, sending both boys into complete panic. 

 “Daniel…” Jonah glared at him, looking expectantly for some kind of answer. Daniel glared back with wide eyes. “Uhm, maybe just-”

He was cut off by the popping sound and wobbly movement of the van, finally catching the attention of everyone else. The car staggered painfully slowly before coming to a complete halt and Jonah’s panicked expression met everyone’s as he slowly turned his head, a faint red blush emerging on his face. 

 “Well….” He started.

[thecardsimagine]

Of shipwrecks and seafoam

Summary: Let me tell you a story about a pirate and a merman, finding a love that goes beyond insecurities and death. Let yourself be taken away onto a journey about doubt and secrets, understanding and a bond that even goes beyond the deep blue of the ocean.

Pairing: Merman!Julian Devorak x Pirate!Reader (Nonbinary) Rating: Mature because of swearing and suggestive content Warning: Blood, Death, Killing Genre: Romance, Drama, Alternate Universe

a/n: This is as naughty as this fic will get. Blame society but also enjoy! Tell me how you liked it!

Chapter 6 - Intimacy 

The second day of eating fish and you already thought about exploring the forest more, just to see if you could find any herbs. The pirate life had never been any more luxurious than this, but at least you’d sometimes get a different taste in your mouth - like Salty Bitters - than just salty water and salty fish.

Julian was sunbathing behind you. Sun-fucking-bathing. You had thought him to be joking as he spread out on the sand, crossing his arms behind his head and closing his eyes without a care in the world. You were subtly in watching him, but you could barely pull your eyes away from the shimmering tail and his pale body. He almost looked like he was asleep and you tried your best to keep quiet as to not wake him up.

The rush in your heart was roughly ignored by you. So was the thought that he looked absolutely beautiful like this.

“What is it, [Name]?” he asked suddenly, making you jump. “Like what you see?”

“Idiot,” you mumbled, turning around and continuing to nibble on your fish. You heard a pleased chuckle and water dripping off his rear fin as he lifted it out of the water, only to submerge it again right away. You had yet to explore all of his body as you hadn’t paid his fins much attention before. What you did notice, was that the color of his scales grew darker the further down it went, with the rear fin almost black if not for a red shimmer.

Flicking the last piece of fish into your mouth you patted off your hands, scooting closer to the water and washing them off. Shaking them in the air, the water splattered everywhere, though it was of no concern to you. Without touching anything else, you walked back on your knees over the sand and next to Julian, who had watched you all the time by turning his head to the side.

“Julian,” you spoke, dead serious. “I need to do it now.”

You could see the questions erupting in his head as you stared at him so intently. “I need to touch your tail.” His mouth opened in surprise, but no sound could come out. He seemed to think hard about it for a second, before one of his hands came up to his face, covering it. “W-Well, go ahead.”

“I’ll be gentle,” you assured him, grinning from ear to ear as he gave you the okay.

The quietly muttered, “You don’t have to-” ultimately passed your hearing and you went straight for the tail, patting down on it first, before placing both your hands completely on it. In your fascination you didn’t notice the small shudder going through Human-Julian who had sat up, leaning on his elbows to watch you by now. “Weird,” you babbled. “It’s pulsating…”

In fact, the tail was probably better supplied with blood than your legs would ever be. It was warm and against your expectations, his scales pretty soft. Much like grabbing a gigantic fish, just warmer. And since he was laying outside, it was even dry to touch. Admittedly, you were in a state of amazement, and also a hint weirded out. After all, how often did you get to touch a mermaid?

With your attention so captured, you completely missed the sigh that rolled off Julian’s lips as you ran your hands down his tail, his body reacting to you and pressing against your palms. Before long, you were down to the smaller part, shortly before the water. Placing your hand on both sides, you measured how it still was about two hands wide, and his tail was going strong still.

Finally, you noticed the little wiggle he did, looking up at a very bright red blushing Julian, his face almost matching his hair, with his ears already having surpassed the color in darkness. “Are you okay?” you asked, for the first time feeling concerned about him, instead of the other way around. “Ah, yeah…” he muttered, biting his lips. His half-lidded eyes weren’t even looking at you, they were staring hopefully at your hands. “Just a little ticklish, I suppose.”

Shrugging you kept going, reaching the part that was submerged in water. Without hesitation, you got up - though slowly as to not upset your wound. Looking sternly at him, you tried to make eye contact with him, that he avoided with great care. “Don’t be surprised,” you asked of him, before leaning down and pulling his tail up.

Ungainly, Julian flopped back down the moment you lifted his tail, stuttering, “C-Careful, I only have one spine!” But you were unreachable for his voice, instead, running your hand all the way up to his rear fin and hooking it over your shoulder. The tail was heavy. Suddenly it made so much more sense that he’d have trouble dragging himself over land as it even made you shiver in your knees. Admittedly, it was also a strain to your wound, but you needed to go through with it no matter what.

Tenderly, you ran your fingertips over his fin, painting over the wavy pattern on it, and the many folds it had before ending in complete black. You thought you had seen pretty things before, but it was nothing compared to the shimmering, beautiful fin on your shoulder.

“God, [Name], you’re killing me,” Julian groaned from his front end, and suddenly it dawned on your that he maybe was in pain. Shock hitting you, your quickly lowered it into the water, to which he gasped, sitting up straight. “Don’t stop!” he urged, finally staring directly into your eyes. “I thought it hurt you?” you responded with a bit of panic in your voice. “Ah, it… No, no it’s fine…” Meekly, he sank back into the sand, letting out a disappointed sigh.

You surely wondered about his behavior, but you took the time to come up closer to him again. Settling down at his side, you inspected the loose side fins, and he was gracious enough to pick them up and spread them out for you, laying the outmost corner into your hand. That part was thinner and slippery compared to his tail, though you didn’t mind the consistency all too much.

“Do they have any function?” you asked him, tracing the circles and waves on them with your finger.

“Attracting mating partners.” Now it was your turn to blush a little as you were an obvious example. “It doesn’t do that to me, okay?” you pointed out, just wanting to be sure that he knew. With a sly grin, he showed you his pointed teeth. “Sure, Darling.” Groaning internally you turned around again, giving the fin another look over. It was pretty. But more you were not ready to admit.

“So…” you mumbled. “Can I touch your body… too?” Asking slowly, you felt how stiff you were yourself. Somehow you questioned yourself as to what you were even doing. “What, really?” you heard him quaking, his voice breaking in the middle. “I-It’s only fair okay? You get to touch me too… When you tend to my wound, I mean.”

“Ah… Alright…”

With a bit more tenderness, you started by bringing a hand up to where his tail went over into his stomach. Finally realized that though his tail wasn’t rough or hard, it still was tougher. His flesh was perfectly human-like, squishy even. It made you assume that the same organs laid inside of him then they did in you.

Another thing you hadn’t take much notice of before - since most of the time he laid on his stomach not his back like on this day - was that Julian actually had hair on his body. Not just his head, but also his chest had curled little hair sticking out. And his stomach was firm, probably because he used it to move so much, it was trained. At his sides where the gills you had noticed before, but you were too scared to touch them, unsure how sensitive they wear and not wanting to hurt him.

But the hair was a real highlight for you. It still had the same red tone as the one on his head, but it was supposedly a little lightened by the salt. Childishly, you twirled one of the strands around your finger, laughing about how real it felt.

This half-man, half-fish was really real. He was so utterly and completely real, it almost shocked you all over again. You had thought that you made peace with his existence but touching him now was a completely different story. “What are you doing?” he asked perplex as you leaned forward, pressing your ear against his chest. There it was, loud and clear. A heartbeat. You wouldn’t have known if his heart always beat so fast or if it was just your influence, but you took it as it was.

“God, your alive. You’re real, Julian…”

“Wha-” he held himself back, biting his own tongue. You felt his claw come up to your head, twirling one of your hair strands in return sheepishly. “Did you really just now realized it?” Nodding, you remained in this position for a while longer. He didn’t say or do anything to make you stop, so you felt welcome to stay. You just sat there, listening to his heartbeat, feeling him play with your hair. Almost, you would have fallen asleep, if not for a wave of adrenaline rush through you and you shot up, his hand slipping out of your hair.

“What’s wrong?” He asked confused, forehead wrinkling. “No- Nothing,” you quickly retorted, finally scooting away from him. Even if you two were better acquaintances by now, you could not imagine yourself falling asleep on him. That was a level of intimacy you didn’t want to have with him, at least, that’s what you told yourself. To calm your nerves, you picked up one of your pots, glad to face away from him as you took a few sips of water.

It helped you calm down, but you didn’t expect his face to pop up on your side suddenly, making you flinch. “Can I try?” he asked, eyeing the pot. “If you want…” You held it out to him to take it into his own hand, which he did, looking a little funny with how big his hand was around the tiny handle.

He really did sniff it before bring it to his lips, confirming that after all, he was a bit of an animal, though this thought was only something to justify your actions. He took a small sip, then a second and a third. Afterwards, he handed it back to you, indifferent expression on his face. He noticed your stare and simply shrugged, going back to his sunbathing position. Swaying the pot in your hand, you observed the water in it thoughtfully, before a question rose in your mind and you faced him once more.

“Julian?”

“Hm?”

“What do you eat, if the human stories are not true?”

Silence befell you two, and a growing uncomfortableness grew in you, the longer your back was turned to him, and he kept quiet. “Fish, mostly… Clams. Some eat turtles, a few who live closer to civilization eat birds sometimes.” You turned around to face him, and he was staring at the blue sky, expression just as indifferent. You couldn’t make out if he was telling the truth or making all of this up, but you hoped he wasn’t.

“We are predators after all,” he said sternly after a while, brows furrowing. “You don’t like that?” you asked, and he thought about what to say for a minute. “Yes… And no. Whatever keeps you alive, I guess…” He looked so serious, much different from his usual expressions. You wondered what was going on in his mind that it could make him look so unusual and you didn’t like the mood it was turning into.

Turning over to his side, he sighed deeply, and before you could react, his arms locked behind your back, his head on your lap. Looking up to you from the one visible side of his face, he almost reminded you of a flatfish. But his grin was human and so was the eye locking with yours. “Will you make me something from your food sometimes?” he asked sweetly. You swallowed. One, because of how close he was, two because he asked for it in a tone of voice you could barely refuse.

“O-Of course,” you mumbled, scratching your cheek sheepishly. “But I am not a good cook…” Julian huffed to your answer, nuzzling his fest into your thighs. “I am sure it will taste amazing.”

Pushing a finger into his shoulder, you applied some pressure to it, shifting his attention to it. “Julian, about boundaries…” You heard him do his whine again, and his lip came out in a pout. “Oh, can I not do this? What is it called? Hugging?” You could clearly detect the teaser in the way he asked, but suddenly you did find it hard to push him away. Maybe it was the innocence he was putting on and who knew, he might really not know what it meant after all.

“Geez, really. Where… Where did you even learn all of this…” you mumbled, more to yourself than to him, the heat rising back into your cheeks. “But then you have to do it right.” Pushing him off your lap, you urged him to sit up, which he did without a complaint, just confusion in his expression. Scooting closer to him, you reached out your arms awkwardly, waiting for him to do the same so you could slip into an embrace.

Immediately, he imitated you, pulling you close to his body, to the point where he was your only support in holding yourself up. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was a showcase of his strength. A strength which you had assumed from the very beginning. “Julian…” you tapped his shoulder to get his attention. “A bit more gently, okay?” Instantly, his arms loosened a little, though he still supported you fully, and you went back into embracing him too.

Silently, you counted until ten before you tapped his shoulder again, signaling him to let go. “Just a bit more, okay?” he asked pleadingly into your ear, and you sighed, resigning yourself to the fate of being a comfort pillow. Reaching around him again, you held him, trying to bring up as much strength as he did. You could feel him rub the side of his face against yours after a while, and though it was a strange affection for you, it wasn’t as panic-inducing for you as you thought it probably should be.

“I really do love you, [Name],” he whispered into your ear, his honey-like voice sending goosebumps over your arms.

“Wait, what!” Finally, you put your foot - or, technically, your arm - down, jamming both your arms between the two of you and pushed him away from you. Julian almost looked hurt when you could finally see his face again, his eyes shining sadly. “Was that not right?” he asked sheepishly, meekly looking up at you. “You- You don’t just say something like this, Julian…”

“But I do love you! I love you best of all the humans I met before!”

Considering he had only ever met two other humans before you, this comparison was a little weak of an argument. But you took it as it was, a childlike confession and nothing serious. Julian wasn’t emotionally capable of understanding the weight of his words you were sure. “Julian, you like me, love is not the right word, it means something different.”

“Oh,” he muttered, thoughtful all of a sudden. “I read it in the books I found a lot, I thought it was the right word…” He looked up at you with a new-won determination, even though you still struggled with your wildly beating heart and the heat all the way up in your ears. “Will you explain to me what the difference is then?”

“M-Maybe later…” you stuttered, averting your eyes. “Wait, where are you going?” he asked as you stood up, having the need to sort out your feelings a bit further away from him, even if that meant retreating into the despised forest of his. “I need some wood, Julian… I’m back soon, don’t worry about me.”

He looked highly displeased by this, though he only hung his head. You couldn’t really make out the reason he seemed so upset all of a sudden, tugging on his side-fin and sighing. Quickly, you made your way towards the woods, hearing him yell, “Be careful!” after you, to which you only nodded, before you disappeared in the green, leaving him behind.

[builder051]

Ordinary

Powers/No Powers; Bucky vs. Depression storyline.  But it’s standard h/c, fever, sickfic fare with a weirdly fluffy/emotional ending.

_____

There goes my hero Watch him as he goes There goes my hero He's ordinary

_____

Sometimes Steve dreads coming home.  He dawdles around his cubicle, packing his bag, then taking things out and packing them again.  He turns down side streets to avoid the setting sun's glare on the visor of his helmet, leaning with the sway of his bike and holding his breath with childlike enjoyment.

The wonder wears off about a mile from their row of townhouses.  It always does, and a different kind of wonder starts up.  Is he too late?  Is today the day he'll come home to find Bucky...  He doesn't want to finish the thought.  He wants to be home.  Guilt replaces the thrill in the pit of his stomach, and he speeds up, though it isn't fun anymore.

Steve parks his bike in the garage and lets himself in through the laundry room.  The click of his key in the lock is loud and almost painfully suspenseful.  Which it shouldn't be.  It's not like he doesn't do this every day.  But any day could become the worst day.

"Hey, Buck," Steve calls.  His well-trained eyes alight on the back of Bucky's head, just visible over the back of the sofa.  Right where he left him.  It's zero sum, Steve decides.  Neither a good sign nor a bad one.

"I'm home."  Steve leaves his bag and helmet in the hall and bends to untie his shoes.  "How was your day?"

Bucky doesn't reply.  For a second Steve's disappointed, but then a sniff and creak of compressed couch springs drift to his ears.  Bucky may be lacking words, but he's not giving off the stony silence of numbness.

"Hey," Steve says again, "You ok?"  His voice drops to a loud whisper.  It's the voice he uses with the scared boy in the burning building, the make-a-wish girl asking for an autograph.  It's not the way Bucky used to talk to him when their roles were reversed.  But Steve's issues were different back in the day.  Or maybe they weren't, they just treated them differently.  Steve's glad times have changed, because he can't shake the feeling that Bucky deserves better.  He wishes he had more to give, but that's part of the problem.  He gives his all, all the time.  He can't seem to stop.

Bucky turns his head and blinks at Steve.  His hair is greasy at the scalp but dry at the ends, standing up in a frayed halo of static from the point where his head meets the couch cushion.  "Hm."  He makes a glottal humming sound, his Adam's apple bobbing and strings of mucous clinging to his lips as his opens his mouth.

"Oh, Buck."  Steve sits beside him, already reaching for his flushed cheek before Bucky says anything.  He still doesn't as Steve cups the fever-warmed flesh in his palm, then switches to the backs of his knuckles.

Bucky blinks again, and his glassy eyes pool to overflowing.  His nose starts to drip, too.  "I...ugh."  He turns his head maybe an inch toward his stump shoulder, like he's considering wiping his face on it, but his eyes unfocus and he stops.

Steve wipes under Bucky's lashline with his thumb and tucks his other hand against his jaw.  It's not like his temperature will feel any different a few inches down, but he still has the urge to check.  "You're burning up," Steve murmurs.  "When did that happen?"

"I don't..."  Bucky chokes himself on a wet inhalation, his shoulders shuddering as he struggles against a fit of hacks.

“Alright.”  Steve forces a smile, hoping it isn’t too far towards pitying.  He’s almost relieved that something’s physically wrong, something obvious, something fixable.  But he’s also aware of how hard it is to simply exist through aches and illness when the brain has a hard enough time managing a healthy body.  “It’s ok.”  

Bucky gulps down another cough.  His diaphragm seems to have stopped its spasms, but he’s still moving, shaking all over.  Even his teeth are chattering under the low whoosh of his mouth-breathing.  

He looks exhausted.  Older.  The fine lines under his eyes seem especially dark and sunken, like canyons cut deep and filled with the salt of his tears.  But he seems young, too.  A teenager who still needs a hug from his mom.  A puppy who forgets he’s housebroken.  

Steve hates it when he’s like this.  Bucky’s there, right in front of him, but just beyond his reach.  It’s like he’s trapped in glass, or maybe ice.  He’s a quiet, indecisive reflection of himself, tripping back towards the scared, hollowed out creature he’d been when he first showed up on Steve’s doorstep.

They’re past this.  Years past it.  But at least it’s something Steve knows how to deal with.  He’ll ask the questions.  Hope for answers.  And in the end, wind up issuing orders.  Loving ones, but orders all the same.

“Have you taken anything?” Steve asks.  Bucky’s trembling with cold, and the wool afghan is still folded over the back of the sofa.  Of course he hasn’t taken anything.  

Bucky shakes his head.

“Alright.  How about water?  Drink anything?”

An even smaller head shake.  A quick, painful looking swallow.  Bucky’s lips part again and he croaks, “I...threw up...”

“Aw, Buck.”  Steve pats his shoulder.  “I’m sorry.”  He runs over the logic and mental math.  Twelve plus hours with no food or drink; he probably didn’t throw up.  But he looks miserable enough that he probably wishes he did.  Even Steve wishes he did, purely for the fact that it would’ve gotten him up off the couch for a few minutes.  He doesn’t like the thought of Bucky sitting there all day, stewing in his own germ-ridden juices.

“How about you take a shower,” Steve suggests.  “Breathe some steam, get cleaned up.  Then we’ll get you set up in bed.”  He doesn’t mention Gatorade or ginger ale or crackers, though he intends to offer all three.  

Bucky inhales again, the mucous clotting his sinuses crackling.  Steve wants to wince, but he forces himself not to.  He notices with a pang of guilt that there isn’t even a litter of used tissues around Bucky.  He’s just been snuffling it in all day.  

“Come on.  Let’s go upstairs.”  Steve wraps his arms around Bucky’s chest to help him up, keeping the hold as loose as possible to avoid accidentally pinching him.  

Bucky leans into him and shuffles his feet.  He doesn’t speak, though his body is full of the sounds of sickness.  His rattling breath comes in shallow gasps as they climb the stairs.  Steve thinks he can hear Bucky’s gut sloshing, his joints creaking.  Maybe it’s just the sound of his own worry.  

Bucky sits on the closed toilet as Steve starts the shower, letting the bathroom fill with steam.  Steve busies himself retrieving the extra quilts at the top of the linen closet, then peeks back in to remind Bucky to get in and wash if he feels up to it.  

“Ok...”  Bucky rasps, his whisper barely audible over the rush of the water.  It’s better than silence.  Barely.  

Steve hovers for twelve minutes, pacing in and out of the bedroom, watching the glowing red numbers on the alarm clock advance.  Eventually he can’t stand it anymore, and he goes downstairs, taking cans and bottles from the fridge and opening drawers looking for ibuprofen.  Then he remembers that’s upstairs in the bathroom.  He doesn’t hear the sound of the shower anymore.  Steve drops everything and takes the stairs two at a time, unable to believe he’d left Bucky alone again.  

“Stupid,” he mutters to himself.  “Stupid.”  When he gets to the bedroom, Bucky’s there, sitting on the end of the bed with a towel around his waist.  He’s hunched with his forearm on his thigh, his hair damp and wavy in curtains on either side of his face.  

Steve approaches slowly, though it’s impossible to sneak up on Bucky.  “Hey,” he murmurs again.  It’s if he’s just gotten home, but this time he knows what he’ll find.  Somehow that changes his perspective.  Bucky looks different.  Not sad.  Almost...beautiful.

He lifts his head, his eyes still runny and sparkling, his cheeks and lips flushed pink.  His hair looks black compared to the milky color of his face.  

Steve smiles in spite of himself.  He crosses the room in two careful strides, then fluidly sinks to his knees at Bucky’s feet.  With the added hight of the bed, Bucky’s perhaps eight inches taller.  The perspective takes him back in time, and Steve finds him even more perfect.  

“Hey, Buck.”  Steve touches his cheek and tucks a loose curl behind Bucky’s ear.  His skin is hot and supple, and even his hair is warm.  It’s lustrous.  

Steve leans close and kisses him tenderly.  Chastely.  Bucky’s lips are cracked, though not quite dry.  A day’s growth of beard brushes against Steve’s chin as he pulls back, and the subtle burn lingers.  

“Hey,” Bucky says, his voice low and husky.  He’s still so obviously ill, but also not, caught in the limbo of born-again freshness before the mucous clots his nose and turns his stomach again.  He’s perfect, just as he is.  And Steve has nothing to say.  He doesn’t want to move; he doesn’t want Bucky to move.  He wants everything to stay still.  If only for one moment.

[confitfacile-blog]

A Coward's Resolve

Momo Yaoyorozu, three words; his sibling's babysitter.

Todoroki never thought he'd fall in love with anyone for that matter, but here he was in love with the girl that chooses to fold his little brothers underwear out of sheer politeness. She may be a year younger, but it doesn't stop Shouto from feeling less and less confident around her. After understanding his embarrassment was unnecessary he resolves to be more bold and express his feelings. For once it seems like the odds are in his favor.

Oneshot

Teen

2011 words

AO3: link

(UN-EDITED)

Note: 

Hello readers,

It's been a long time since I've been avidly in the BNHA fandom and even longer since I've actually used AO3 and Tumbr. I had published a few other todomomo works way back in the beginning of 2018 (over a year ago!!!), but I decided I no longer wish to return to that account and I wish to remain separated from that identity (?) idek if that makes sense. Anyways I was really motivated to write more Todomomo after seeing this art piece come across my feed on twitter for no reason, it was a blessing though because now I am extremely stuck in the todomomo hole again. The link to the art piece will be at the end of this note.I hope you enjoy this work and as always please give criticisms, regular comments and kudos! 

*clarification: this piece was not based on the artwork, I just really enjoy it!

https://anush_arts.artstation.com/projects/ZK0G1 (if this link no longer works in the future it is a gorgeous drawing by Anush Arts of Todoroki and Momo in full color, kissing in a relaxed position on a yellow covered bed, Momo's hair is down and slightly wavy, she wears a lavender tank top while Todoroki is shirtless and in black shorts, it's nothing NSFW just really sweet because she's sitting beside him and he cradles the back of her head) @anush-arts

Now on to the story:

"Ah, Todoroki I see you're awake."

Todoroki, still half asleep, smiled deliriously at the sound of her angelic voice. He soon realized it was a little too out of place for his bedroom. His eyes shot wide open.

Yaoyorozu Momo was in his room, the gorgeous black-haired girl herself, sitting by the side of his bed in a tank top of all things.

Damn did he wish the context were different.

She made eye contact with him and winked as he sat straight up, not wanting to seem like a child.  It took him a moment to realize he wasn't wearing a shirt, because Yaoyorozu showed no reaction at all. He was thankful she didn't make him more embarrassed by becoming flustered herself, but a little part of him wished he had been more bold to her in the past to elicit that type of reaction. She hardly batted an eyelash after seeing him half naked. He opened his mouth to say something, but she shushed him with a single finger pressed to her lips, gesturing toward the sleeping child to her and his right.

If he didn't already feel emasculated enough she just had to remind him that at seventeen years old he was still sharing a room with his younger brother Natsuo, who was only four.

His parents had needed a babysitter for his siblings because a four year old boy and two year old girl aren't exactly easy to handle. Of course, stubborn Todoroki had refused to help out around the house leading them to turn to Yaoyorozu, the responsible girl who lived a block away. She was only sixteen, but the most mature person Todoroki knew by far.

She stared at his sleeping sibling fondly as she bent over to pick up the legos strewn across his floor. Todoroki watched her backside sneakily for a moment before getting up to put on some real clothes.

Todoroki had a secret desire to be more confident around girls, but it really wasn't something he'd employed on his everyday life. He opted to slip into his closet to change, but not without promising once again this act of cowardice would be his last. Who knew if he really meant it.

Todoroki took exceptionally long to pick his outfit just to impress her. He finally decided on something that expressed style, but not "I'm trying too hard."

When he emerged she was gone. He walked toward his bed contemplating going back to sleep at 9:00 PM, but stopped himself. He saw his discarded pajama pants, which he threw out of the closet door, folded neatly with a small sticky note on top. He also realized the note on the flimsy piece of paper had substance.

Todoroki-san, you were asleep all day lol. I know training is hard, but please think of your cognitive health as well. You need to eat, I am making a night time snack. Please join me :9. - Y

He didn't need to finish the note before guilt of potentially not indulging Yaoyorozu's request made his legs move on their own.

As he walked through the hall the aroma of hearty broth filled his nose. He chuckled. It was just like Yaoyorozu to cook a really unconventional snack, the uniqueness really stood out in a household of forced status quo.  

The Todoroki household's kitchen was large to say the least, the unwelcoming feel of the dull walls and steel appliances was brightened by Yaoyorozu's cheerful demeanor. She had cracked a window open to let the gentle sound of far off cicadas fill the absence the kitchen left her.

Beads of sweat formed on her slight shoulders as she softly danced around while humming in the summer heat.

The sight was one to behold. Todoroki contemplated going up to her and leaning his head over her shoulder to check what she was making, but that subtle type of flirting was way out of his comfort zone.

He was about to just settle into the couch when Yaoyorozu grabbed the knife she was using to chop carrots and started waving it around in some sort of spastic dance? Todoroki couldn't help, but laugh, who could blame him? Unfortunately Yaoyorozu heard his low chuckle an opened her eyes wide in embarrassment.

They stared at each other for just enough time for the pot Yaoyorozu had previously been stirring to boil over.

Yaoyorozu quickly snapped out of her flushed daze and hurried toward the pot that was currently spilling liquid all over the stove. She attempted to turn the heat down, but right as she touched the handle she jerked her arm back. Some of the soup had already reached the knob making it extremely hot to the touch. She stuck her finger in her mouth while lifting her tank top to cover her unburnt hand as a makeshift oven mitt. The stove was successfully turned off and Todoroki was already at her side trying and failing to ignore her exposed midriff.

Todoroki took his mind off of her body to slide open the nearest drawer, hopeful that there was a bandage inside. Luckily for the both of them a single band aid lay in mint condition next to various paperwork for whatever reason.

"Yaoyorozu."

He tried to get her attention in an almost whisper since they were so close.

"Yaoyorozu I have a band aid."

Still no response. Todoroki tapped her shoulder, mindful to not touch her bare skin with his naturally cold hands.

She continued to fret and mutter, sucking on her pointer finger no longer out of necessity, but stress.

Sighing he reached past her shoulders and grabbed her wrist, pulling her finger from her mouth and drying it with his own sleeve.

"Yaoyorozu, please focus."

She froze. Yaoyorozu stood still in what Todoroki thought was compliance to his request, but in reality she was in shock. A noticeable blush spread from her neck up and she shrunk herself to let Todoroki's arms guard her sides. It was even worse when he asked her to lift the burn toward him.

She didn't want to question him and sound like an idiot so she did as he told her to. Todoroki leaned forward, over her shoulder, to the point where his lips were almost touching her finger. He puckered his lips together and...blew. The lukewarm stream of air relieved some of the heat while he peeled the wrapper off of the band aid and placed it around her finger. "Sorry that it's Hello Kitty. I don't have anything else."

Momo smiled tentatively, and turned around to face him. When she completed the 180 he slowly retracted his arms from around her, making sure to be a complete gentleman and not touch her once. Todoroki looked nervous, sheepish even, he began rubbing the back of his neck, fearing her response.

"I really feel like I should pay you back Todoroki, that was really kind of you."

She turned back around and reached for two bowls, high in the kitchen's myriad of cabinets. Yaoyorozu wasn't exactly short, but the Todoroki family was extremely tall. She struggled to reach the shelf and deemed it unladylike to climb the counter top. Todoroki didn't miss one beat and again reached over her to grab the dishes.

"You do to much around this house anyways. You do realize you're being paid to sit and watch TV with my siblings, not act like a maid."

Yaoyorozu knew he meant it to be as polite as possible though the delivery was a bit crude. She reached around him to grab a ladle and began to pour soup into his bowl then her own.

"Are you telling me to stop folding all of your laundry because you'd be a mess if it wasn't for me."

Yaoyorozu jested and the slight blush on her cheeks finally calmed down. Todoroki laughed at her small joke, deciding to dismiss the whole thing all together.

Yaoyorozu carried on serving their meal and Todoroki followed her like a shy puppy to his dining room table.

The silence that enveloped them in the dark kitchen was bordering on comfortable to say the most. The only noises heard were the clinks of spoons on porcelain and ever buzzing summer cicadas.

Todoroki shot a look at Yaoyorozu, who was absorbed in her soup and currently adding a pinch more salt to her personal bowl. She was adorable, her hair crowning the tips of her ears ever so gracefully as she pushed it back to lift her spoon to her mouth. Her delicate lips pursed and formed the cutest 'o' Todoroki had ever seen.

He wanted to say something, but just couldn't lift the pressure of the stillness.

Yaoyorozu on the other hand was jittery, she could feel the blatant stare of Todoroki hovering over her ever since the consistent sound of his minor slurping stopped completely. She was a woman of action though and looked up, already offering a thin smile.

Todoroki showed no reaction to her sudden display of awareness. Inwardly he cried with joy, outwardly his face stayed stoic.

The teen babysitter across from him stopped fiddling with her soup bowl all together. Trading the spoon for a lock of her own hair she rolled it between her fingers over and over, a sign of nervousness.

"What's with the flirting?"

She blurted out the most blunt statement of the night, which was saying a lot with Shouto present. As soon as the words left her mouth her hands flew up to cover her betraying lips.

He was shocked, confused, nervous, completely overrun with emotions. When he stayed frozen and didn't respond Yaoyorozu continued speaking out of awkwardness-lifting habit.

"Ever since your parents hired me you've never rested in your antics. What am I to make of it?"

Her diction was polite, but a slight twinge of desperation in her voice showed through. Todoroki shook off his complicated reaction and said it how it was, albeit even he was confused.

"Yaoyorozu I've never flirted with you…"

She looked distraught, panic of her misinterpretation created a fearful mask over her entire body.

"I'm sorry I must have-"

Todoroki interrupted her floundering.

"That doesn't mean I don't want to."

His sheepish demeanor returned, he was in disbelief of what he just said. Todoroki did the opposite of Yaoyorozu in the fact that he made no attempt to speak again and further agitate the awkward situation. Instead he clammed up mentally and physically as shown in his body language.

The void in the air was especially thick, neither one wanted to speak up first. Instead they opted to avoid eye contact and shuffle their feet.

Momo was too emotionally tired to speak first again and shockingly Shouto stepped up into her shoes.

"Did you really think I was flirting with you?"

Todoroki hid his eyes in a downcast glance while Yaoyorozu practically spoke with aggression.

"What was I supposed to think when you held my hands walking me home? Visited my locker personally to return my school books I left here one night? Todoroki you are infuriating!"

With the last puff of her frustration out of her system Momo coughed out of pure shock of her rudeness. She hunched over and hugged her knees to her chest, shielding herself from his response. When it didn't come she peeked over her arms to see a genuine smile emanating from the boy across from her.

Before either of them could get a syllable of their already open mouths a creek was heard from upstairs. Their eyes widened as tiny footsteps made their way from room to room and finally emerged in the form to Natsuo.

"Momo! I'm hungry."

The atmosphere was ruined, yet Shouto and Momo exchanged knowing looks. She gave him a wide grin before hurrying to Natsuo's side, baby voice in full effect.

Shouto stayed at the table, but looked on fondly. He clenched both hands into fists and made a genuine promise to himself. For once, Todoroki really really really resolved to approach Momo next time.

[patton-croc-agenda]

Coral and Crowns (Ch.1/4)

A/N: Heyoo it’s me your local fic dealer here with a mer!royality fic bc those boys need more love damnit (me??? not writing logicality?? more likely than u think)

Specials thanks to: @pattonistooprecious my lovely beta, @impatentpending for letting me cameo her disaster lesbians, and the kids on the powerless discord server. Y’all wild.

Pairings: Royality

Words: 5,887

Warnings: Mentioned homophobia, mentioned/implied overbearing/emotionally distant parents

Next: Ch.2

Read it on Ao3

Roman Prince, despite being a hopeless romantic, did not fall in love easily. He’d faced enough heartbreak in his life to know when to teasingly flirt, and when to guard his heart away. He knew someday, he’d find the right person for him, but he doubted he’d meet them today. Hell, he doubted he’d meet them within this year. That was okay though, really, better to wait and find his perfect match then just go getting his heart broken by all the wrong people.

“YO! YOU GONNA JUMP OR NOT?” Roman ignored the voice behind him in favor of looking down into the water below. This was a popular cove for cliff-divers, with cliffs of all sizes lining the beach. Roman had been coming here his entire life, and had been jumping off cliffs into the ocean below for the same length of time. Taking a deep breath, Roman stepped back and prepared himself.

This particular cliff was rather dangerous, it was quite high up and the water below was surrounded by a small semicircle of rocks. It was dangerous, but Roman was a Prince.

He lived for danger.

Racing forward, Roman whooped and dove down, feeling the wind rush past his face, stinging his eyes and skin with salt carried up from the ocean. Roman closed his eyes as he made impact with the water.

Roman felt the warmth of ocean water engulf him as he slowly opened his eyes. He loved being underwater, loved the feeling of being hugged it gave him. His vision was slightly fuzzy, making him wish he’d brought his goggles. Sadly, goggles were terribly unfashionable, and as much as Roman wanted to see the bright colors of sea life, he wanted his dignity more.

Roman was about to swim up when he saw a blur out of the corner of his eye, a very large blur. Roman turned and saw...a boy?

He looked to be about Roman’s age, maybe a bit younger. He was poking out from behind a rock, so Roman couldn’t see his lower half, just his chest and arms and face. Not that Roman was complaining, as Mr. Stranger had a very pretty face. Dotted with freckles, with wavy brown hair floating around his head like a halo. He was wearing glasses, which was weird considering they were underwater, but Roman had seen people do so before and decided to not think much of it. He gave Roman a wide, sunshine grin before ducking behind the rock completely.

Roman was about to follow, but the pain in his lungs was a sharp reminder that he needed to resurface. Besides, people were still cliff-diving, and Roman didn’t want to get crushed by an unsuspecting jumper. He gave the rock one last look before kicking to the surface.

~~~~~

Roman’s hand rested on the door handle. He’d spent the entire day at the beach, and really needed to get home. He had to get ready for work tomorrow, as much as he hated it. Roman sighed and rested his forehead against the warm, red metal, closing his eyes. Just thinking about going to work, thinking about listening to customers whine loudly like mosquitoes while children screeched and ran wild in the background, gave him a headache.

Still, though, he couldn't help it. All of his job hunting had turned out to be fruitless, so he would continue to work retail until someone took pity on the high school dropout and gave him an honest shot. He needed the money, needed to find out how to get his GED and then maybe scrape together enough money for community college.

Roman inhaled through his nose and opened his car door, ready to face tomorrow. He paused, however, and remembered the boy from earlier. He’d been in the back of Roman’s mind all day. Roman knew he should go, should get some sleep for the headache that was tomorrow. Just like he knew the boy probably wasn’t even there anymore. Still...he couldn’t shake the feeling that overtook him. It couldn’t hurt to just look. Roman groaned and closed his car again, returning to the beach.

~~~~

Roman did not find the strange boy. He’d looked everywhere, from the water around the cliff he had first seen the boy, to the corners of the beach, to even a few closed food stands. Nothing. Roman didn’t know what he was expecting. Sighing, Roman glanced up at the setting sun and prepared to head back to his car. Again.

He froze when he heard a beautiful, soft, melody. He looked around, trying to find the source of the voice. It blended perfectly with the waves that crashed up along the sand, a haunting sound. Roman walked slowly towards the ocean, noticing a rock jutting out from the water. He often saw children climbing up on it during the day, and usually lifeguards would have to keep a close eye on it to make sure none were shoving each other off.

At the moment, however, there was only one person sitting on the large rock. The boy Roman had seen earlier, if those wavy locks were anything to go by. Roman could only see the upper half of his body as he slowly approached, glad he hadn’t changed back into his clothes as he waded out into the water and approached the large rock.

The boy kept singing softly, the sound echoing in Roman’s mind. He couldn’t make out any specific lyrics, just the boy’s lovely voice.

“Hey there,” Roman finally decided to make his presence known. The boy shrieked in surprise and fell forward off the rock, into the ocean. Roman scrambled up and looked down with wide eyes at the place the boy landed. The water bubbled for a moment, before the boy resurfaced, brushing his hair from his face.

“Oh my goodness!” the boy said, looking at Roman with wide eyes. He placed his hand against the rock, and when he pulled it away it was a blur. Something hit Roman in the chest and he looked down to see a rather bright colored starfish. He looked at the boy with a bewildered expression.

A sheepish grin, “you star-tled me!” Roman gaped slightly before a laugh escaped past his lips. He gently took the starfish and tossed it back into the ocean, laying across the large rock on his stomach and putting his chin over his crossed arms.

“So you’re beautiful, a talented singer, and make witty puns? I seem to have hit the jackpot,” Roman said smoothly. The boy’s cheeks turned bright pink, accentuating his freckled face as he giggled.

“Man, you’re a real charmer aren’t ya?”

“Of course. Now, would you happen to have a name, you handsome angel?” The boy tilted his head.

“I thought the term was handsome devil?”

“You seem far too sweet for that,” Roman winked. The boy titered again.

“Patton. I’m Patton Coral.”

“Ah, a beautiful name for a beautiful boy I see? I’m Roman, Roman Prince.” Patton snorted loudly and quickly covered his mouth. Roman raised a brow at him.

“Yes, yes. My last name is very funny, I know.”

“No, no, it’s not that! I guess it’s a sort of inside joke?” Patton said. Roman nodded.

“Well, I’d love to make some inside jokes with you someday. How about you and I grab coffee sometime?” Patton’s face fell and he looked at the water, swimming away from the rock slightly.

“I, um. I can’t, I’m sorry,” he fiddled with his fingers, looking truly upset. Roman’s face fell as well.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I just met you, and asked you on a date. That was awfully rude of me.” Patton looked at Roman again, quickly shaking his head.

“No! It’s not that at all! I just. I’m not really able to go many places other than home and the beach...strict parents and such. Which is totally unfair, since I’m not a child anymore!” Roman smiled softly and sat up, letting his feet trail through the water. Patton swam closer.

“I understand,” Roman ran a hand through his hair, “my parents never let me go out of their sight. I mean, until they kicked me out.” Patton’s expression grew surprised.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!”

“Nah, I’m over it now. They couldn’t handle the fact I like boys, so I say I’m better off without em anyway.” Roman shrugged. It was at least somewhat true, the sting of being kicked out dulled a lot over the past six years. Not entirely though. He couldn’t expect it to ever, truly.

“Still, that’s awful. I’m real sorry you had to deal with that. Parents should accept their children, not shun them,” Patton put his hand over Roman’s. It felt weirdly warm and dry considering it had been previously underwater.

“Thanks, Pat.” Patton nodded before suddenly ducking into the ocean, hardly making a ripple. Roman was genuinely concerned he’d been pulled down due to how sudden it was and peered down, trying to see him.

He resurfaced suddenly, knocking foreheads with Roman. They both winced back, rubbing where they’d been hit.

“Sorry!” Patton finally said, holding out a shell. Roman frowned, slowly taking it.

“Thanks?”

“I heard if you put these up to your ear, you can hear the the ocean. I thought it’d be a good gift from me...considering everything,” Patton looked a bit nervous, “and if you want we can meet here same time tomorrow? The shell can be a reminder of sorts.” Roman couldn’t help the wide, hundred watt grin from growing on his face.

“I love it,” he said, because he did. He really, truly loved it. Still, he felt as though he needed to give Patton something in return. He felt inside the pockets of his swim trunks, before remembering something else.

Clipped onto the belt loop (though he had no clue why these swim trunks needed a belt loop) was a pocket knife Roman had bought a few years ago. He never really needed it, but enjoyed having it on him anyway. He unclipped it and handed it to Patton.

“Oh, no! Roman I can’t take this!” Patton shook his head, but his eyes sparkled with obvious interest. Roman winked and curled Patton’s fingers around the knife, pushing it towards him.

“I insist. You gave me a gift, so here is one for you. Just carry it with you, and if I ever need it back, I’ll just ask.” Patton seemed to consider the offer for a heartbeat before he nodded.

“Thank you so much, Roman! It’s beautiful.”

“I could say the same about the gift you gave me, or you, for that matter,” Roman smiled. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Patton grinned and gave Roman the cheesiest wink he’d ever seen.

“Of course, Mr. Prince.”

~~~

Roman never realized how lonely he was until he’d been seeing Patton for about a month. July melted into August, but despite the slight drop in temperature Roman had yet to see his friend(? Boyfriend? They certainly flirted, but Roman wasn’t sure where their relationship stood) out of the water. Whenever he tried to ask him about it, however, Patton seemed to dodge around the question, swimming back away from Roman, and despite his curiosity, Roman was far too scared of losing his only friend to any sharp realities that would come with confrontation.

So instead, Roman would sit on the rock and watch as Patton swam and laughed, and the pair would talk for hours until Roman had to head home. They enjoyed each other’s company, and Roman trusted Patton more than he’d trusted anyone in years, despite all his secrets.

They’d gotten into a routine, with Roman coming out and sitting on the rock for about five minutes before Patton would appear seemingly out of nowhere and the two would begin wherever they last left off. Not today, though. The second Roman stepped out into the water, he saw Patton’s pop up next to their meeting rock. He was laughing, giddy, and excited.

“ROMAN!” Patton squealed, swimming in circles. Roman laughed, rushing and stumbling out to the rock. He almost didn’t make it, as Patton continued to swim circles around him.

“What’s up Patt Patt?” Excited to see me?” Roman teased lightly, collapsing onto the rock. Patton swam over, resting his arms on the tops of Roman’s knees. Roman forgot how to breathe for a half a second.

“I am, I am! Guess what guess what guess what?!” Roman laughed again, smiling at Patton.

“Hm, well I haven’t a clue. You seem so excited, why don’t you just tell m-”

“I CAN GO ON A DATE WITH YOU!” Patton cut him off, flailing his arms wildly. Roman’s heart flat out stopped in his chest. He hoped Patton knew CPR, because he was gonna die otherwise.

“You can?!”

“YES!”

“OH, PATTON, MY WONDERFUL COMPANION,” Roman was excited now too, standing up and twirling dramatically. He crouched down and took Patton’s hands in his own, they were both pink in the face and laughing with pure delight and excitement.

“When will I be able to take you out then, my beautiful Starfish?”

“Is now okay?” that took Roman by surprise a bit, but he hadn’t done improv before he dropped out of highschool for nothing. He masked any shock with a sincere grin and eagerly jumped into the water with Patton.

“Of course! Off we go!” Roman didn’t let go of Patton’s hands as he swam to shore, afraid he would lose him if he did. However, Patton ended up pulling his hands back anyway, causing Roman to turn to him curiously.

“Just gimme one second! Can I meet you at your…” Patton paused, brow furrowing.

“My car?”

“Yes! That! Sorry, you know how sometimes you know a simple word but it still slips your mind?”

“Yes! God, I hate that. I’ll see you there though.” Roman said, jogging out of the water. He walked backwards most of the way, trying to watch Patton for as long as he could before he finally vanished over a hill. Roman inhaled deeply, turning around so he wouldn’t run into anything; he’d already narrowly missed a tree.

He finally found himself sitting in the driver’s seat in his car, fiddling with his keys. Each passing minute felt like hours, and Roman felt like Patton must’ve changed his mind after fifteen torturous minutes of waiting, Roman finally started feeling a niggling doubt. Like maybe Patton had changed his mind. Maybe he was just trying to get Roman to leave so he could escape. Maybe-

THUNK!

“JEE MENETI!” Roman gave a high-pitched shriek, covering his face his arms. He looked up to see Patton, fumbling with the door handle of the passenger side. Roman let out a relieved sigh, unsure if it was because he saw that his car wasn’t being assaulted by mothman, or because Patton hadn’t ditched him after all. Probably both.

Roman leaned over and opened the door for him, grinning as Patton stumbled back. It was the first time he’d seen Patton below the waist (not that he’s really thought about it- honest!), and he had rather scrawny and pale legs compared to the rest of his body, as if he didn’t walk quite as much as he should. He was also wearing sparkly blue swim trunks that were covered in sequins that looked almost like fish scales.

Patton beamed at Roman, but it didn’t quite match the nervous look in his eyes. Still, he slowly lifted one leg, swaying as he did so, and stepped up into the car. He collapsed into the seat, letting out a relieved little sound. Roman chuckled.

“Too used to swimming to handle a little walk?” he joked. Patton gave him a playful glare, watching as Roman buckled up. He attempted to do the same, but obviously struggled. Roman had an inkling suspicion that Patton had never been in a car before, but he wasn’t going to say anything. After all, he never thought he’d get the chance to even take Patton anywhere.

“Alright, where did you want to go for this date?” Roman asked, turning to look at Patton as he put his keys into ignition. Patton shrugged helplessly.

“I figured you’d have something planned,” Roman snorted, backing out and away out of the parking lot.

“Well, this is pretty sudden, but I do have one idea,” he said. He suddenly realized something, as he looked over at Patton.

“Uh. Did you have like, at least a shirt or anything? I have one in here, but that would mean I’d end up shirtless.” Patton gave Roman a sort of confused look.

“Do I need one?” Patton asked, sounding genuinely surprised. Roman shrugged helplessly.

“Not technically? I’ll just stop by my house real quick and grab an extra one. We could see if any of my pants fit you too,” Roman started driving the familiar path home. He didn’t really live far from the beach, and it would only be a 10 minute walk if he so chose, but Roman often just headed to the beach right after work, and didn’t feel like stopping at home first. He parked at the front of his apartment, looking over at Patton, who was struggling to unbuckle.

“Were you planning to come in?” Roman asked, surprised. He had planned to just run in and grab a shirt and extra pair of pants. Patton looked at him innocently.

“Is that okay?”

“Y- yeah of course,” Roman said, secretly dreading the idea. He was sure Patton wouldn’t mind, not really, but he couldn’t help but feel self conscious as they stepped off the elevator- which seemed to terrify and fascinate Patton in equal regards- and he unlocked his door.

“You live here?” Patton asked, looking around. Roman internally cringed, looking at the mess of clothes, papers, and takeout boxes littering the room.

“Yeah. Sorry about the mess, I would’ve cleaned if I knew you were coming over,” Patton gave him a funny look.

“I don’t mind the mess, though, I think my friend Logan would lose it. I’m just sad you have to live in such a small space.” Roman frowned. First at the mention of this ‘Logan’, the only friend Patton had really mentioned so far. Secondly, at that implication of Patton’s words. Sure, his apartment was pretty small, but it wasn’t miniscule. In fact, many apartments in the area were around this size. He had to wonder where Patton was living that being in an average-sized apartment made him pity Roman’s living space.

“It’s not too bad,” Roman said instead, not wanting to cause Patton to clam up like he usually did talking about personal information. “C’mon, my room is this way.”

The two headed into Roman’s room, and Roman pulled open a drawer, glancing at Patton. He was about a head shorter than Roman- a fact he was only now noticing now that they were standing next to each other on even ground- so he pulled out a pair of khaki shorts and tossed them to Patton, followed by a pale blue polo. Patton pulled them on. The shirt went down to his butt, and the khakis were slipping down his hips. Patton hasility tried to keep them up, and Roman couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him, earning him a playful glare.

“Here, allow me to help you, my starfish,” Roman picked up a belt from the floor and slipped it through the belt loops, threading it all the way around. At one point, he felt his fingers brush the bare skin along Patton’s hips and he had to fight off his blush. Said blush wasn’t helped by how squirmy and giggly Patton was as he attempted to finish buckling the damn thing.

“Right, there you are,” Roman smiled, “now, could you step out for a second? I’m gonna take my swim trunks off so I can put on some more form-fitting attire. Patton nodded, bouncing out of the room. Roman changed as quick as he could, and ended up adding some sparkly eyeshadow at light speed. A lifetime of sleeping in late as he could and getting ready within five minutes really paying off.

He opened the door and looked out, seeing Patton sitting on his kitchen counter, staring thoughtfully at the floor. Roman walked over, leaning on the counter next to him. Patton looked up at him.

“Ready to go, then?” Roman inquired. Patton gave an excited nod, sliding off the counter and taking one last look around.

“We can come back later...if you like?” Patton smiled at him again, leaning closer. Roman felt his heart skip.

“We’ll see,” Patton murmured, pulling back and heading out the door. Roman fought down his disappointment as he followed.

Back down the elevator, out to the car, and they were finally ready to get on with this whole date thing. Roman subtly tried to wipe the sweat from his palms on his jeans as he put the key in ignition, setting course for his favorite restaurant. He thought some music would help soothe his nerves, so he flicked on the radio, making Patton jump in surprise. His gaze went from shocked to starry eyed, as he leaned forward and began to hum along to the tune. Roman swore he’d never get sick of that haunting voice that lured him to Patton weeks ago.

The drive was relatively silent aside from the quiet humming of Patton matching the radio, but it was a peaceful kind of silence. Not the bitter silence of his parents ignoring him whenever he messed up.

“Here we are,” Roman forced himself out of his own thoughts, parking the car. Patton pulled his attention from the radio, beaming at Roman with that wonderful smile of his. Roman’s heart melted a little. He unbuckled himself, and sneakily undid Patton’s seatbelt as well so he wouldn’t have to fumble with it again, before stepping out of his car and opening the passenger side door.

Patton gave him a smile, complete with light pink blush on the cheeks, and took the hand Roman offered him. Roman kept Patton’s hand in his own, which Patton seemed to appreciate if the way he trailed his thumb across his knuckles was any indication. Roman tried not to shudder at the featherlight touch as he grabbed the door and pulled Patton inside, causing his date to stumble a little.

“Woah…” Patton stared, taking in the large space in awe. The entire area was dimly lit, with all the the tables and booths lining the walls, leaving a large, empty space at the center of the building. Roman felt a tiny nervous coil in his belly, but it faded as Patton squeezed his hand and started making his way to one of the booths.

“This place sure is nifty, Ro!” Patton poked the seat before hesitantly sliding in. Roman slid in on the other side, beaming at Patton. A few other couples and families were scattered about, chatting softly. Patton continued to look around, kicking his legs excitedly. Roman chuckled and hesitated a moment before wrapping his leg around one of Patton’s. The man in question squeaked in surprise, turning red. Roman tried to pull back.

“Oh I’m so so-,” Patton wrapped both of his legs around Roman’s in a death grip, flushing even more. Roman grinned, feeling his own face heat up.

“S-so there’s a lot of empty space. Wh-” Patton started. He was cut off as a woman with a long, thick braid approached their table.

“Howdy, fellas. My name’s Katrina, and I’ll be takin’ ya boys’ orders tonight. I’ll be back in a few to getcha’ drinks, aright?” Roman and Patton nodded. She left, and Roman reached over to pick up a menu. Patton mimicked him.

“So...that empty space?” Patton asked again.

“Oh, yeah, there’s a reason for that. You’ll see,” Roman winked. Patton’s face morphed into one of sheer curiosity.

The waitress- Katerina- came back, and the pair ordered their drinks (with Patton somehow struggling with what he wanted, even though he ended up just getting water). They made small talk for a bit, getting to know each other even better. Bit by bit, Roman felt his feelings towards Patton shifting towards the most positive he’d ever felt towards another human being. Drinks were delivered, and Patton set his menu down and placed his elbows on the table, staring at Roman, who laughed.

“What’re you looking at, Pufferfish Pat?” he asked, sipping his drink. Patton smiled softly.

“You’re so pretty,” Patton said. Roman choked on his drink.

“Wha- You mean that?” Roman asked. Patton nodded.

“Oh yeah,” he started, eyes sparkling with mirth, “you’re a turtle knockout.” Roman blinked a couple times, processing what had just been said.

“Was- was that an ocean pun?”

“Oh, Roman, haven’t you heard? I’m cray-sea about ocean puns. In fact, I bet you’d be more shell-shocked if I didn’t make all these puns. They don’t always happen on porpoise, but those accidental puns shore brighten my day at least!” Roman was clutching his stomach laughing. He didn’t even care that the puns were stupid, or that people were staring at them. It didn’t matter because Patton looked so proud of himself. It didn’t matter because Roman was having a good time. It didn’t matter because he lo-

“Are ya boys ready to order?” Katrina asked, pulling a pencil from behind her ear. Roman glanced at the menu one more time.

“I’ll take the spaghetti dish,” Roman said. He looked over at Patton, who was frantically shifting his gaze from the menu to the waitress. Roman decided to save him, carefully taking the menu from him.

“My date will just take a personal cheese pizza,” Katrina smiled.

“Gotcha, sugar. Enjoy ya date,” she gave the pair a wink and hurried off to the kitchen. Patton started to run his finger along the rim of his glass, humming the soft tune to himself he’d first sang the day Roman met him.

“Does that song have lyrics?” Roman asked. Patton’s gaze flicked up. The dim lights reflected in his gaze, making them look so, so blue. As if the ocean were a permanent staple of his gaze.

“Yeah. My friend Virgil wrote it,” so Patton did have multiple friends then. He kept running his finger across the rim of the glass and took a deep breath:

“Hush, sweet prince, rocked by the waves

Feel your heartbeat echo for days.

If you ever feel scared, alone

Let this melody carry you home.

Sweet prince of coral

Sweet prince to soon be crowned

Let my song be a guidance

Whenever you’re down”

Roman stared at Patton. His hair shining, soft. His eyes closed and concentrated. He was beautiful.

“That was beautiful,” Roman said. Patton opened an eye.

“Really? I’m like the worst singer I know,” Patton laughed humorlessly. Roman took Patton’s hand in his own, causing him to flick both eyes open.

“Well, I thought it was beautiful.” Patton blushed.

The moment was ruined as Katrina threw the pizza down in front of Patton, causing him to jolt back in surprise. She threw the spaghetti too, but somehow it didn’t spill everywhere like Roman had expected, which required perfect skill and aim. Needless to say, Roman was impressed.

“Enjoy, boys. Y’all might wanna hurry. It’ll be seven o'clock soon.” Patton looked up from where he was curiously sniffing his pizza.

“What happens at seven?”

“Did ya boyfriend not tell ya, pardner?” Patton opened his mouth, turning bright red, and looked at Roman helplessly.

“It’s a surprise,” Roman assured her. She smiled at that.

“Hell of a surprise, there.”

“He’ll love it.”

“Whatever ya say pumpkin. Enjoy your meal,” she walked off, and Roman turned back to see Patton had practically inhaled over half of his pizza when he hadn’t been looking.

“Hungry?” Roman laughed in mild shock. Patton looked up at him, tomato sauce smeared all over his face.

“Roman. Roman, listen. Listen, okay? This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my entire life.” He took another bite, swallowing what looked like half a slice at once.

If it were anyone else, it would be disgusting. However, Patton seemed to make everything endearing. Roman could stare at him forever and probably still be satisfied. Well, that might not be true. He might want to do more than stare. At one point Patton had released his leg from its prision between his own, so Roman reversed the situation. Patton paused eating to look at him before continuing.

Roman decided it was time to eat his own food before Patton started scolding him about it (it seemed like something he’d do) and got halfway through his pasta before he heard the current background music halt and Katerina’s southern drawl came through a hidden speaker.

“Hey y’all. It’s seven o’clock. You know what that means,” Roman grinned, grabbing Patton’s hand. Patton looked at him, eyes wide. An upbeat, funky tune began to blast at a much louder volume then before.

“Remember, you asked what the big empty space was for?” he pointed to the center of the restaurant, where couples and families were starting to dance. Patton looked at Roman again, eyes wide with mild terror.

“I- I can’t dance Roman!” Roman took both his hands in his own and yanked him over to the dance floor.

“Of course you can, my sweet seashell! Everyone can. The only thing in question is how bad you are.”

“I’m awful,” Patton deadpanned. Roman scoffed.

“C’mon, I’ll lead!” Roman broke away from Patton to do a fun little jig. That made Patton less tense, if only a little.

He took Patton’s hands again, “And we’ll go slow…” he reassured. Patton bit his lip and looked at his shoes. A pair of old sneakers Roman had given him.

“Okay…”

The two did indeed go slow. It was horribly off tempo, and Patton stumbled and fumbled about every five seconds. Still, they were laughing and smiling. Occasionally lifting their gazes from their shoes to look into each other's eyes. Another song began, and Roman saw Katrina swing dancing with a pretty woman wearing a mint green hijab. Roman attempted to lead Patton in a similar dance, but he ended up almost toppling over and Roman managed to save him in a dip.

The second song faded into the third, and Roman knew it would be the last one of the evening. It was a slow song, and Roman smiled as he carefully adjusted Patton’s grip so they could waltz. Despite how clumsy Patton still was, despite the fact they were both not wearing anything particularly fancy, the moment felt right out of every romantic movie Roman had ever seen. He leaned forward.

“Patton,” he whispered. Patton blinked, dark lashes fluttering.

“Yes, Roman?”

“Can I-” the song ended, “-can I…”

“Roman?”

“It...it’s getting late. I should get you home before your parents worry.” Disappointment flashed in Patton’s eyes, but Roman elected to ignore that in favor of heading out into the cool evening air.

He heard the door open and close and felt Patton walk over to stand next to him. They said nothing, glancing at one another out of the corner of their gazes. Crickets chirped around them, and Roman turned to his car, climbing in. Patton managed to buckle up with minimal struggle this time.

The ride was silent, tense. Roman didn’t turn on the radio. Patton shifted to face the window. When Roman looked over, he saw something stormy forming on his face reflected in the glass. He swallowed nervously and turned his view back on the road. The second he pulled into the beach’s parking lot he heard Patton unbuckle his seatbelt.

“Patton...I-” he turned just in time for Patton to grab him by the collar of his shirt.

“Do you want to kiss me?”

“What? I-”

“Roman.” Roman licked his lips, gaze flickering across Patton’s expression. His throat was dry.

“Yes,” it was a whisper, barely there. Patton leaned until there was hardly a silver between their lips. Until Roman could feel the phantom of his lips moving.

“Then kiss me,” he breathed.

Roman lunged forward burying his hands in Patton’s hair and closing that tiny gap. It was a bit too wild for how close they were already, and their teeth clacked painfully, but Roman didn’t care. He didn’t care, because once the initial sting was gone, the mix of sweet-saltiness of Patton’s lips overwhelmed his senses. Roman pulled back, sucked in a large gasp of air, and went right back in.

It was as if someone had made sweet tea with ocean water. Which sounds extremely gross in concept, but it fit Patton so well that Roman couldn’t get enough. Patton took their next breath as an opportunity to stumble-climb over into Roman’s lap, sliding his hands down to Roman’s hips before he pulled Roman back into the waves of dizzy delight all over again.

Roman pulled back. Patton tried to follow, but Roman put his hands on his chest to pause him.

“Be my boyfriend?” he gasped out, breathing hard.

“Shell yes.”

“Fantastic pun, darling,” Roman fisted the front of Patton’s shirt and kissed him again.

Roman was starting to wonder how long this blessing from on high that was making out with his new boyfriend Patton Coral could last, when Patton suddenly yelped and pulled back.

“Oh, God, are you alright?” Roman asked. Patton stared straight through Roman, pulling his hands back.

“I can’t feel them anymore…” he whispered. Roman took Patton’s wrists, alarmed.

“Can’t feel what anymore?” Patton snapped back into focus.

“I- I have to go,” he tried to pull his hands away. Roman was tempted to hold on, to never let go, but considering the implications of that he released him anyway.

“Patton…”

“I’m sorry Roman. I really, really have to go. I- I promise. Next time we talk I’ll explain everything,” he cupped Roman’s cheek, expression tender. Roman swallowed and nodded.

“Okay... I trust you, Starfish,” Patton smiled sadly and pressed his forehead against Roman’s.

“See you later,” with that, Patton opened the door and stumbled out. Roman was tempted to help him, especially when he continued to wobble, but Patton looked back at him with a pleading expression as he mouthed the word, “don’t”.

So Roman simply watched his boyfriend disappear over the crest of the hill. He sat a little longer, itching to follow. Itching to make sure he got home. Itching to see where home was, exactly.

But he didn’t, because when it came to grand adventures, Roman was the bravest man alive. Yet, with people he cared about, he was a coward. He would do the wrong thing a thousand times over to avoid losing the trust of another person he cared about.

So instead of following, Roman put the key in ignition and backed out. He didn’t follow Patton down to the beach, where he finally collapsed in the sand. He didn’t watch as he dragged his now useless lower half to the salty sea- the place he called home.

He didn’t hear Patton’s relieved sigh cut off in a scream as invisible claws dragged him under without so much as a ripple left in his place.

General Writing Taglist:  @angeliclogan @pattons-constellations@amuthefunperson @tatergator27@honeycoloredcorduroy@1esor2 @that-royal-ravenclaw@sardonicsanders@iridescentroyalty @sheeparecutest @pathos-logical

Royality Royalty: @notveryglittery

Discord Hell Friends: @crystrifoglio @verge-of-a-breakdown @why-things-go-boom @moralitytime @impatentpending

[imagine-loki]

Magic Mistake

TITLE: Magic Mistake CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 1 AUTHOR: staria ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine being a witch (on Earth) and accidentally summoning Loki. He gets angry and confused, but ends up actually liking your company and teaches you more magic.  RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS: My first fan fic ever, please be gentle :)

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    I finally had all the materials for the spell. It had taken me awhile to get the courage to get them all but  they were all  in front of me, now all I had to do was arrange and work the spell. I had been thinking about this spell for months now, slowly building it and creating it but the truth was that it scared me.

   It was scary to think that if it worked, I would finally have someone to like and someone that would like me back.

   I felt so pathetic when I really thought  about what I was about to do. Crazy Danielle, so lonely, so desperate that she needed a spell just to attract at least one friend. The only reason I had decided to do the spell was because it was the only spell I could find after months of research that did not involve forcing someone to be my friend. I wasn’t interested in having a zombie friend. The spell would only make me seem more interesting to others, or at least that what I got from the translations I could find.

   Ok, maybe I was a little bit desperate.

   This spell was going to suck up all of my energy and I was already pretty tired from a long day of work at the office. Taking care of myself before the spell was important, so I took a quick hot shower that I followed with making myself some bacon and two eggs with some cheese on the side for dinner.

   Right after I went to my room to get dressed. I picked a chunky dark burgundy sweater and black leggings, I decided against wearing shoes and finished getting ready by braiding my wavy shoulder length purple hair. I always like to wear something pretty to get me in the mood to cast a spell.

   Silently I stood in front of the mirror feeling nervous. I’ve done spell work hundreds of times before, this should be piece of cake! Right?

   Maybe I had spent so much time by myself that once I finally had an opportunity to connect with another human being I was freaking out. Me and my best friend lost contact a few years ago before social media became big, I’d looked her up but could never find her. I’ve been by myself ever since. No close family or friends.

   This is why I needed to do this.

   I couldn’t continue being an apathetic antisocial weirdo all my life. At least I could be a weirdo with someone else.

   Eventually I got all the materials from  the the small desk in my bedroom and placed them inside the salt circle I’d formed on the floor. The desk serves as my shrine and  I’ve been working on it for a few years now: athame, incense, bowl with Himalayan salt, candles, and statuettes of various goddesses I worshipped.

   The spell called for a green and pink candle which I placed in front of me as I lit them. It called for a necklace to charge with energy. I decided to use one I’ve had for a while with a silver star. Next I got out paper, a quill, and an ink pot that contained red ink. I  cleared my mind before focusing positive energy towards the  necklace.

   Once I said a few quick words thanking the universe for all of her blessings, I began chanting. I grabbed the athame and pricked my index finger.  I let the blood drip into the ink pot. I grabbed the quill and while still chanting I began writing down what I wanted in a friend.

   The list was long but in no way did I expect my new friend to fulfill the whole thing, I just wrote all the good qualities I could think of.

   Still chanting, I could feel the energy building up around me as I repeated the spell over and over again while concentrating all of my energy on the necklace. My heart was beating faster and faster.

   I could feel myself losing control of my body as I repeated the spell one more time and then…

   Nothing.

   Nothing happened at all. The candles went out and I was left alone in the dark feeling sad and tired. I looked at the necklace and it just looked like an ordinary necklace. I’d used a lot of energy for a spell that I wasn’t even sure worked. Usually I would feel it click inside of me. Like a thumbs up from the universe letting me know that the magic I’d just used had been received and I would see the fruits of my hard work soon.

   Feeling frustrated and tired,  I  took off my clothes and went to bed still wearing all of my make up. I felt so embarrassed about the whole thing. Not only was it a desperate and needy spell but to add to the humiliation, it didn’t even work.

   Tomorrow was another work day, so I might as well go to bed so I can wake up early. I am well aware that I sound like an old lady, but I live an old lady’s life. Multiple cats included and everything.

***********

   That Saturday I woke up early and decided to go to the farmers market to get some veggies. After looking at my closet for half an hour I ended up wearing a short black dress with a white peter pan collar, a thick grey cardigan that was too big on me, black tights, and my favorite grey booties. On the way out I saw the star necklace I used on the spell a few nights ago and put it on.

   There weren’t that many choices at the market that day since it was already fall. I walked around and looked at the booths a few times, bought a few herbs to dry, but not much caught my attention. It was a slow day and I didn’t want to  stay long.  For some reason I was fidgety the whole time. I felt like someone was watching me all morning but every time I looked around it was obvious no one was paying attention to me.

   Finally I found a booth that was selling blackberries so I approached to take a better look at them.

   “We just got them yesterday morning. The last of the season!” said the nice lady behind the counter. I decided to buy some, so I reached out to grab them but someone else got them before I did.

   I quickly turned my head, mad at whoever took my blackberries. I already had a few select words in mind for the rude dude that obviously saw that I was going to get them and grabbed them anyway. I opened my mouth to talk but that’s when I realized that it was Loki, the evil guy that destroyed half of New York City. I closed my mouth as soon as I realized it was him but he noticed how angry I was.

   “Oh, I apologize, are these yours? I didn’t mean to take them from you” he said with a wolfish smile while handing me the blackberries “By the way, that’s a lovely necklace you are wearing, little witch.”

   I was so freaked out by the whole thing that I could barely talk. All I could do was shake my head and quickly walk away from the whole thing. How disrespectful! Calling me little witch and taking the blackberries that were obviously mine!

   On the way to my car I realized I needed to control my anger, I could have gotten killed by the villainous god of Asgard. The fear I felt when I looked into his deep green eyes was something that I knew would haunt me for years to come.

   I nervously looked back expecting him to be gone but he was just standing there, staring at me as I walked faster and faster away.

   When I finally got to my car I realized I was still holding the blackberries.  I forgot to pay for them and now it was too late to go back.

   On the way home I was still out of sorts, so I got myself donuts and coffee because I hadn’t eaten breakfast yet plus some food might do me good to calm my nerves. It’s not everyday that I could say I had an encounter with Loki.

   Once I got home I ate two donuts with my coffee while watching TV, but it quickly became obvious that I woke up too early and sleep won me over. It seems that the orange blossom water I added to my coffee was kicking in, my body didn’t even care that I was halfway through a Doctor Who episode.

   I don’t know for how long I slept, but it was a deep slumber filled with weird dreams about someone watching me. His green eyes just stared at me and talked in a language I couldn’t understand. In the dream I felt small and vulnerable, unable to escape his gaze.

   I woke up all sweaty and confused, it took me a few minutes to realize that it was already night time. After around fifteen minutes of trying to wake up I went to the bathroom and took a shower. I brushed my teeth and put on my pajamas before feeding my cats, Gouda and Cheddar. This morning had been enough excitement for me, I was ready to watch movies all night.

   I was in the kitchen getting myself a giant bowl of milk and cereal when I received a text message. It was Jenna from work: I feel like going out tonight. Wanna come? :)

   That was weird. We get along and gossip a little bit at work but we never interact outside of the office. Maybe the spell worked after all!

   I really didn’t feel like going out, but if the spell was working I didn’t want to spoil things. I quickly texted back and she sent me the address of where to meet up.

   I was so excited that I didn’t even know what to wear. I browsed through my closet but couldn’t make up my mind. In the end I went with dark blue skinny jeans and a dark purple sweater with white hearts all over it since purple matches with my olive skin. I put on once more my grey booties and grabbed my star necklace as I was walking out the door. I felt like nothing could go wrong tonight!

[life-love-and-alcohol]

You know the shower pic from ED in which they're splashing water happily? I want the beach episode they cut from the show! (Victor in a skimpy speedo am I right??)

AAAA HELLO! I want you to know that the Skimpy Speedo!Viktor is the more accurate headcanon I had ever heard. 

I don’t know if you wanted them to be at Hasetsu’s beach…but I changed it a bit! They went on vacation together :D (honeymoon, maybe?) Thanks for requesting! 

“What do you meanit isn’t a nudist beach??“

"Viktor, we talked about this”

“But Yuuri…I don’t want to get a tan line!”

“Love, I don’t know where the nearest nudist beach is,but I don’t think it’s anywhere near”

“Any beach can be a nudist beach if you try hardenough”

“Please, Viktor, all I ask for is peaceful holidays. Idon’t want to get arrested”

“Well, I’ll take my speedo then”

“Honey, no”

 Viktor packed his favorite red speedo. The skimpiest one,with a material so thin it let little to imagination. And Yuuri felt readyburry himself some few kilometers under the hot sand.

“Yuuri! Babe! Look at Makka splashing on the water!!Take us a picture!!”

The entirety of the beach was staring at him. How couldn’tthey? Not every day you get to see someone as hot as Viktor fricking Nikiforovalmost completely naked. Unless, of course, you are his husband. And instead ofstaring, his husband was shamefully covering his eyes.

“Viktor, put something on please”

“What’s the matter?” he asked, titling his headinnocently like a little kid, but pointing at his crotch at the same time“it’s completely covered!”

“Viktor, it jiggles”

“No it doesn’t!” he snorted, completely ignoringhis husbands pleads, and the curious eyes of almost every other human at theshore’s area “Come on Makka!! Let’s go to the sea!!”

As Yuuri saw him running towards the water with the dog, heconfirmed that it did, indeed, jiggle.

 After a while though, when Viktor got himself deeper intothe sea and let the water censor his holy parts, Yuuri calmed down a bit.

Unlike his husband, he wasn’t really a fan of exhibitionism,and he preferred to stay clothed for the occasion. Of course he was wearing histrunks, but his short-sleeved sweatshirt never left his body, and the mysterynovel he had been reading never let his curious fingers.

“Yuuri, come swim with me!” Viktor called out forhim from the sea, spitting a mouthful of salty water “The water is lovely!Aren’t you hot?”

“Uhm not really” He kind of was though, and thesmall drops of sweat beginning to form at his hairline gave him away“Maybe in a while”

“Nooo but, babe! I want to swim with you!”

“And I want my butt to stay sand-less, thank you verymuch”

“Yuuri!!” The water was rather wavy that day, andas Viktor complained, a wave hit him on the back of the head and got himchoking on horrible sea water. Of course, Yuuri laughed “That’s not funny!”

“Believe me, it is” He said, putting his bookapart on the sand.

“Are you going to swim with me or what?” Viktorinsisted, and Makkachin barked behind him approvingly.

“I don’t know…”

“Come on!!”

Yuuri sighed, giving up, and taking off his glasses.

“Yes!! You’ll see how nice and fresh the wateris!!”

He let the cloth of his sweatshirt slide down his arms, andhe suddenly felt vulnerable. Viktor was right, any beach could be a nude beachsince, right then, Yuuri felt naked. He knew he wasn’t in a tight, flashyspeedo, but he also knew his body wasn’t as pleasing to look at as was Viktor’swas. Viktor didn’t have stretchmarks, Viktor didn’t have that little lump offat between his hip and his ribs he just COULDN’T get rid of, and Viktor’s skinhad neither pimples nor hair in awkward places. Viktor’s skin was flawless,pale and smooth, reflecting the sun with more intensity than the water, makinghim shine like some kind of treasure the current had pushed to the shore. Hewas beautiful. Waiting for him, with the water hanging around his hips, thewaves hitting his back every now and then and leaving a halo of white foamaround his stomach. White, but not as white as the blinding shine of his hair,and the perfect teeth of his heart-shaped smile.

“It’s cold” Yuuri shivered, head sunk between histense shoulders, and a foot beginning to test the waters.

“No it’s not!” Viktor reached his arms forwards forhim “Come on, don’t be a chicken!”

“Ugh I’m not a chicken” the way he wrapped hisarms around his own body, covering from both the cold and the stares, saidotherwise.

“Prove it, then” Viktor took his hand in his,slowly pulling him forwards and deeper into the sea “See? It’s not thatbad”

Yuuri hissed, from the cold of the water reaching thesensitivity of his crotch and his stomach, and the freezing skin of hishusband’s hands. Hands, that as soon as he was close enough, sunk their fingerson the flesh of his hips. Grabbing him, pulling him closer, forcing him intothe fresh embrace of the ocean.

A small wave raised the water’s level almost all the way uptheir chests, and Yuuri threw himself onto Viktor’s arms, clinging from hisshoulders like a kitten thrown in a bathtub, trying to keep himself as dry aspossible.

“Easy there” Viktor giggled, taking advantage ofthe situation by hugging him close against his chest “You’ll get used toit, you just need to…” he cupped a handful of water in his hand, andsplashed it on top of his dark hair “…get a bit wet!”

“Ah, fuck!” Yuuri yelped, jumping in his place,but never getting away from the embrace “I hate you!”

“You don’t” Viktor chuckled softly and pushed hishair back “You love me”

Yuuri hummed, clinging onto him with his life, wanting toabsorb the heat under his freezing skin.

Makkachin got out of the sea and shook the water away,deciding to nap on the warm sand instead,  yet always keeping a guardian eye on hisowners from afar.

“See? Even Makka is cold” Yuuri mocked.

“No he’s not. He’s just giving us some privacy” Hesmirked and planted salty kiss on his mouth, letting the lulling sway of thewaves rock them to their gentle beat.

Yuuri felt an awkward clash of temperatures, from thecoldness of the sea and Viktor’s icy skin, and its contrast with the swellingheat of his mouth and the blush beginning to spread on his own cheeks. Onlythen, pressed so close against him, feeling the naked skin of his thighsagainst him, he remembered they were almost naked. Only then, he began to getthe tingles of modesty in him. And, only then, he could allow himself to turnthat modesty into excitement, heat, the sensuality of the encounter and theroaming hands on his skin.

He deepened the kiss, greedily, wanting more of thatbittersweet shame that tasted so good on his lips. Of course, Viktor complied,kneeling a little bit and sinking their bodies further into the water, enjoyinghow Yuuri heated up the touch in response to the cold. He was overwhelmed.High, on the smothering hum of the ocean, the scent of salt and seaweed, submergedinto the surreal reality that was their wet, slippery skins.

When Viktor’s lips aimed for his neck, however, Yuuri had toprotest.

“Hmm, we should leave that for later” he saidagainst his own will “when we get back to the cottage”

“Why?” Viktor didn’t stop, at all, as he didn’treally got more objections “We are quite far from the shore”

“You never know when a snorkeling kid will pop up rightbeside you” They laughed and pressed the cold tips of their noses together“But I promise that, once we get back to our room…” he leaned intohis ear, and heated his breath on purpose as he whispered “…you won’twant to keep that speedo on any longer”

None of them was cold anymore. At all.

 When the sun began to set, the couple decided to go for awalk through the shore. They held hands, occasionally swinging their arms backand forth, or picking up the nicest seashells they came across the way. Becauseof the sandy wind (and maybe a bit of Yuuri’s pleads) Viktor had put on and oldshirt, long enough to cover the speedo. Needless to say, his husband wasgrateful. And  so they both enjoyed the dreamlikeparadise, that perfect entelechy: the roars of the waves and the coast’s windblowing on their ears, the soft sand under their feet, and the thin layer ofwater reflecting the sunset, making them feel like they were splashing on amirror. 

Makkachin was right behind them, his curly hair a mess, tangledand hardened by the sand.

They walked absentmindedly, way too lost in the moment tocheck the time. And, by the moment they realized, they were a few kilometersaway from their beach umbrella.

“Hmm, we should get back” Yuuri let go of his handto hug him by the waist instead, resting his head on his shoulder “nightis about to fall”

“Yeah, you are right” Viktor kissed the top of hishead, feeling the exhaustion of the day beginning to kick in, as they turnedaround to walk the way back. Of course, Makkachin follow obediently “I’msort of tired”

“Me too. I can’t wait to get to the cottage andbathe…I have sand literally everywhere”

Viktor chuckled, tracing his fingers gently through the skinof his forearm.

“Maybe we can shower together” he gripped hisshoulder tighter, massaging it a bit, sensually “How does thatsound?”

“Pretty good” Yuuri purred, looking upwards andonto the beautiful sunset. But he wasn’t looking at the sky. He was looking atthe glint of Viktor’s eyes, reflecting the last rays of sun. He was looking atthe pink and orange lights tainting his messy hair like watercolors. He waslooking at his smile, how genuinely pleased he looked, at ease, so much calmerthan during practices and competitions. He was suddenly filled with a randomsprout of love, bubbling and burning, almost painful, and he just had to stop middle track and kiss him.

He did it slowly, sweetly, titling his head to the side andletting his lips mold to Viktor’s, lose their shape and their shame, as hemelted onto the touch.

However, as he took his hands to cup his cheeks, heimmediately retracted them and broke the kiss, looking at Viktor with buggedeyes.

“Honey, your face!” he touched it again, this timewith his knuckles “It’s burning!!”

“Is it?” Viktor blinked, taking his own hand tohis forehead “I don’t feel it”

“Viktor…did you use sunblock?”

“Uhm…no?”

“Oh my fucking god” Yuuri sunk his head in his hands,already picturing his husband as red as a ripe tomato, not even beginning totell where the speedo ended anymore “Your skin will turn so red in a fewhours!! It’ll peel!!”

“It won’t, trust me! I know my skin!”

“Love, your skin is so thin and pale! It’ll hurt…a lot!”

Viktor snorted, rolling his eyes, and continued to walk hisway to the cottage.

“Nonsense”

“OUCH OUCH OUCH YUURI IT HURTS!!”

Yuuri didn’t know if he should laugh or cry out of theinevitable “I told you so” frustration, as he squeezed more aloe cream onto hishand and rubbed it on his husbands back. He decided to go for the first option,and laugh through all the process.

“Stay still, Vitya” He giggled. Was he teasing him? Viktordidn’t know, he just suffered “it won’t feel better if you don’t treat it”

“I look like a shrimp” Viktor whined, looking at the bright,furious read all over his skin. He pressed a finger on his arm, watching howthe white print of his fingers turned pinkish once again as he let go “Ouch! Ihate this!!”

“You said you didn’t want to get a tan line?” Yuuri took a mischievousfinger to the elastic of Viktor’s boxers, and pulled it down a little to reveala blinding-white pale butt.

“Hey!!” He tried to slap his hands away, but the contacthurt and his husband laughed even harder “You are so mean to me!!”

“You should have listened to me this morning when I told youto use sunblock” He fondly kissed his cheek, and watched the white stamp of hislips drawing on the hot skin “You still look cute though”

“I do??” Viktor smiled, full of hope.

“Well, cute for a shrimp”

“Yuuri!!!”

thanks for reading yay!

[anavoliselenu]

driven chapter 12

I can hear him. Can hear Max’s gurgled breathing, and even in my shock-induced haze I’m mad at myself for not looking for him more quickly. I turn my head to my left and there he sits. His beautiful wavy blonde hair is tinged red, the gaping gash in his head looks odd to me. I want to ask him what happened to him but my mouth isn’t working. It can’t form the words. Panic and fear fills his eyes, and pain creases his tanned, flawless face. A small trickle of blood is coming from his ear and I think this is a bad thing but I’m not sure why. He coughs. It sounds funny, and little specks of red appear on the shattered window in front of us. I see his hand travel across the car, fumbling over every item between him and me as if he needs touch to guide him. He fumbles aimlessly until he finds my hand. I can’t feel his fingers grip mine, but my eyes see the connection.

“Selena,” he gasps. “Selena, look at me.” I have to concentrate really hard to raise my head and eyes to meet Max’s. I feel the warmth of a tear fall on my cheek, the salt of it on my lips, but I don’t remember crying. “Selena, I’m not doing too good here.” I watch as he unsuccessfully attempts to take a deep breath but my attention is drawn elsewhere when I think I hear a baby crying. I swivel my head to look, but there is nothing but pine trees and the sudden movement makes me dizzy.

“Selena! I need you to concentrate. To look at me,” he pants in short bursts of breaths. I swing my head back at him. It’s Justin. What’s he doing here? Why is he covered in blood? Why is he in Max’s seat? In Max’s clothes? In Max’s place?

“Selena,” he begs, “Please help me. Please save me.” He sucks in a labored, ragged breath, his fingers relaxing in mine. His voice is barely a whisper. “Selena, only you can save me. I’m dying. I need you to save me.” His head lolls to the side slowly, his mouth parting as the blood at the corner of it thickens, his beautiful emerald eyes expressionless.

I can hear the screaming. It is loud and piercing and heart wrenching. It continues over and over.

“Selena! Selena!” I fight off the hands grabbing me. Shaking me. Pulling me away from Justin when he needs me so desperately. “Damn it, Selena, wake up!”

I hear Haddie’s voice. How did she get down this ravine? Has she come to save us?

“Selena!” I’m jolted back and forth again violently. “Selena, wake up!”

I bolt up in bed, Haddie’s arms wrapping around my shoulders. My throat is dry, pained from screaming, and my hair is plastered to my sweat drenched neck. I heave for breath, strangled gasps that mingle with Haddie’s quickened pants of exertion, the only sounds I hear. My hands are wrapped protectively around my torso, arms tired from straining so hard.

Haddie runs her hands down the sides of my cheeks, her face inches from mine. “You okay, Selena? Breathe deep, sweetie. Just breathe,” she soothes, her hands running continuously over me, reassuring me, letting me know I’m in the here and now.

I sigh shakily and put my head in my hands for a moment before scrubbing them over my face. Haddie sits down next to me and wraps her arm around me. “Was it the same one?” she asks, referring to my recurring nightmare that was a staple in my nightly slumber for well over a year after the accident.

“Yes and no,” I shake my head. She doesn’t ask, but rather gives me more time to shake the nightmare away. “It was all the same except for when I look back after I hear the baby crying, it’s Justin, not Max, who dies.”

She startles at my comment, her brow furrowing. “You haven’t had a nightmare in forever. Are you okay, Selena? You want to talk about it?” she says straining her neck to hear the muted music on the speakers I’d forgotten to turn off before falling asleep. Her eyes narrow as she recognizes the repeating song and it’s inference about my state of mind. “What did he do to you?” She demands, pulling back from me so that she can sit cross-legged in front of me. Anger burns in her eyes.

“I’m just a mess,” I confess, shaking my head. “It’s just that it’s been so long. I feel like I’ve forgotten what Max’s face looks like, and then I see him so clearly in my dream … and then the suffocating panic hits being trapped in the car. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed by the emotion of everything.” I pick at my comforter, avoiding her questioning gaze. “Maybe it’s been so long since I have really felt anything that tonight just pushed me over the edge … just overwhelmed me with …”

“With what Selena?” she prompts when I remain silent.

“Guilt.” I say the word quietly and let it hang between us. Haddie reaches out and grabs my hand, squeezing it softly to reassure me. “I feel so guilty and hurt and used and so everything,” I gush.

“Used? What the hell happened, Selena? Do I need to go kick the arrogant bastard’s ass right now?” she threatens, “because I’ll switch my tune. I mean, I was impressed when he called earlier to make sure that you’d gotten home all right and that—”

“He what?”

“He called at like 3:30 … somewhere around there. I answered the phone. Didn’t even know you were home. Anyway I came in here to check and told him you were home and asleep. He asked me to have you call him. That he needed to explain—that you took something the wrong way.”

“Hmmph,” is all I can say, mulling over her words. He actually called?

“What happened, Selena?” she asks yet again, but this time I know she won’t be ignored easily.

I relay the entire evening to her from the point I left her until she woke me up screaming. I include my feelings about comparing “the after” to Max and how hurt and rejected I felt. “I guess I feel guilty because of the whole Max thing. I loved Max. I loved him with every fiber of my being. But sex with him—making love with him—came nowhere near what it felt like with Justin. I mean, I hardly even know Justin and he just turned on every switch and pushed every button from physical to emotional that …” I search for words, overwhelmed by everything. “I don’t know. I guess I feel like sex should have been like that with the guy I loved so much I was going to marry rather than someone that could care less about me.” I shrug, “Someone who just thinks of me as another notch on his bedpost.”

“Well, I can’t tell you that you’re wrong to feel, Selena. If Justin made you feel alive after years of being dead, then I don’t see what’s wrong with it.” She squeezes my hand again, sincerity deepening the blue in her eyes. “Max is never coming back, Selena. Do you think he’d want you be numb forever?”

“No.” I shake my head, wiping away a silent tear. “I know that. Really I do. But it doesn’t make the guilt go away that I’m here and he’s not.”

“I know, Selena. I know.” We sit in silence for a few moments, before she continues, “I know I wasn’t there, but maybe you misread Justin. I mean some of the things he said to you …”

“How is that possible, Had? He was swearing under his breath like he’d just made the biggest mistake. He was like a switch. One minute he was kissing me so tenderly and looking into my eyes and the next minute he was swearing and walking away from me.”

“Maybe he got scared.”

“What?” I look at her like she’s crazy. “Mr. I-Don’t-Do-Girlfriends gets scared of what? That he thinks I’ll become attached to him after one night of sex?”

“One night of mind-blowing sex!” Haddie corrects, making me giggle and blush at the memory. “Well, you do wear your emotions on your sleeve. It seems you don’t do casual sex well.”

“Oh, like it’s a class I can take over at the ‘Y’? I mean, I may be easy to read emotionally, but I’m not in love with him or anything,” I defend whole-heartedly despite knowing full well that what I felt between us tonight was more than just full-blown lust. Maybe I did scare him. That final moment between us in the bed, when he held me and stared into my eyes, really got to me. Made me see possibilities and hope. Maybe he saw that and had to squelch it before it went any further.

“Of course you’re not,” Haddie says with a knowing smile, “but that’s not what I was talking about. Maybe, just maybe, Mr. I-Don’t-Do-Girlfriends … maybe you got to him. Maybe he got scared of what he felt when he was with you?”

“Yeah, right! This isn’t a Hollywood romance movie, Haddie. The good girl doesn’t get the bad boy to change his ways and fall madly in love with her,” I say, sarcasm rich in my voice, as I fall back on my pillow sighing loudly. A small part of me relives Justin’s words from the night before. I am his. I could never be inconsequential. He can’t control himself around me. That small part knows that maybe Haddie is right. Maybe I scare him on some level. Maybe its because I am the marrying kind, as I’ve been told, and he’s just not looking for that.

“You’re right,” Haddie admits, “But that doesn’t mean you can’t have one hell of a time losing yourself in hours of mindless sex with him.” She plops back on the pillow next to me, both of us laughing at the idea. “It could have its merits,” she continues, “there’s nothing like a good bad boy to make you let go. Remember Dylan?”

“How can I forget?” I reply, remembering the quick fling she had last summer with the gruff and gorgeous Dylan after ending her year-and-a-half-long relationship. “Yum.”

“Yum is right!” We both lapse in silence, recalling our own respective memories. “Maybe Justin is your Dylan. The one to get you over everything that happened with Max.”

“Maybe …” I think. “Oh God,” I groan, “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Well, seeing as it’s,” she lift her head to look at my clock, “Five in the morning, you should go back to sleep. Maybe give it a day, then call him back. See what he has to say and go from there. Remember our motto. Embrace your inner slut—be reckless with him and try not to think about tomorrow. Just think about the here and now with him. ”

“Yeah, maybe.” We sit in silence for a few moments. Am I just being an overdramatic female reading into things? Into his actions? I don’t think so, but deep down I try to justify his actions to myself. I know that I’ll do it again if given the chance and for my sanity, I need to rationalize everything to right the world back on its axis. The feelings and sensations he evoked in me were way too intense. Way too everything. Maybe it was just the fall from my alcohol buzz that made everything seem so off. Made him seem so detached. I scold myself. I know this isn’t the case, but I’m trying desperately to address my inner slut.

I’m way out of my league here. I just hope I can figure out how to play the game without getting burned in the end.

“Do you want me to stay in here tonight?” Haddie asks, breaking the silence. She used to sleep in my bed on the really rough nights to help me get through them nightmare-free.

“Nah. I think I’m okay. Thanks, though. For everything.”

She leans over and kisses the top of my head, “What are friends for?” she says as she heads for the door. “Good night, Selena.”

“’Night, Had.”

She closes the door and I sigh deeply, staring at the ceiling, thoughts running wild until sleep pulls me under.

CHAPTER 14

I sleep in late. So exhausted from everything that I’m able to sleep past my normal six-thirty, ingrained wake up. It’s nine by the time I’m in my exercise gear and downstairs.

Haddie is sitting at the little table in the kitchen, bare feet with bright pink painted toes propped on the empty chair across from her. She eyes me cautiously from behind her cup of coffee. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” I mutter, my normal sunny morning self absent. “I’m gonna go for a run,” I tell her as I fasten my audio player to my arm.

“I figured,” she says referring to my attire. “Are you grumpy just because you want to be … or because you are forcing yourself to run after too much alcohol and off-the-charts sex with an Adonis?” Sarcasm is rich in her voice. “I’m surprised you can even walk today.”

I sneer at her. “Sounds like someone is a little jealous,” I counter.

“Damn right I am,” she laughs at me. “I have more cobwebs now than you do.” I laugh out loud at her, my grumpiness abating. “Seriously, though … you okay?”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “I’m going to take your advice. Try and live in the moment … all that stuff.” I shrug.

She nods slowly at me, “Don’t try to sound so convincing!” she says drolly as she stands from her chair, knowing I need to work through things myself. “I’m here if you need me. Have a good run.”

“Thanks.”

***

The fresh air, pavement beneath my feat, blaring music in my ears, and moving muscles feels masochistically cathartic as I enter my fifth and final mile. I needed this. Needed to get out, clear my mind, and give myself time to think all at the same time. My muscles, sore from last night from the mixture of dancing and great sex, are now limber and moving on autopilot. As much as I think I should go for an extra mile, my stupidity in overlooking breakfast before my run has my body telling me that I won’t last that far. Pitbull blasts in my ears, the song’s constant beat driving my feet and spinning my head back to thoughts of last night.

Oh, Justin. My head is still trying to wrap itself around what happened. He’s the chance I have been looking for. To be carefree. To live in the moment. To be alive, not just living. I resolve that I can have sex with Justin with emotion. The emotions just have to be fueled by excitement and anticipation and lust rather than love and devotion and the hope of “more.” I just need to keep being the sassy, smart-mouthed woman I’ve been all along because the minute he thinks there’s an inkling of more, he’ll be out the door. And it—him, me, us—will be over.

I ponder this my last quarter of a mile, recalling how he made me feel physically last night. I guess there’s something to be said for lots of experience as I can attest that the man is skilled in the many facets of sexual dexterity. I blush at my thoughts, steeling my resolve that I can be with Justin without falling in love with him. I hope. That I’m going to enjoy every second of it because I know he’s not the staying kind.

Teagan and Sara’s “Closer” fills my head as I turn the corner onto my street, my footsteps faltering as I see a white Range Rover parked in my driveway. The rhythm has been knocked clear out of my stride at the shock of seeing him here. I can’t help the hum that comes from deep in my throat in pure appreciation at the sight of Justin leaning up against the front fender of the car, his dark figure haloed by its white. A navy blue shirt fits snugly over his torso, hinting at the corded muscles underneath. Muscles I can still feel on my fingertips. A pair of printed board shorts sits low on his hips and his long, lean legs cross casually at the ankles completed with a pair of flip-flops. Casual suits Justin very well. It lightens the intensity he instinctively exudes. His head is bent down concentrating on the phone in his hands, and his unruly hair is spiked with gel to perfection in a stylish, messy disarray. The pang of desire that hits my body is so strong, so overwhelming that I almost have to bring a hand to my torso to stifle it. I force myself to remember to breathe as I push my body to start moving again.

To go home. To go to Justin.

Shit. I’m in serious trouble. I admire him from afar, looking so unbelievable and attractive, and I realize that everything I thought about on my run—every stipulation, every rationalization, every justification of why it’s okay to sleep with him—doesn’t matter. Seeing him right here, right now, I know that I’ll do anything it takes, whatever the consequences, to be with him again. To repeat how he made me feel last night.

Almost as if on cue, Justin glances up from his phone and locks eyes with me. A slow, smug grin lights up his face as I run my last few steps, turning up my driveway. I methodically pull my ear buds out, laughing to myself that Christina Aguilera’s “Your Body” is blasting, an anthem to the pure and reckless enjoyment of the male form. I can feel his eyes run up and down the length of my body, taking in my skin-hugging Capri exercise pants and matching razor-back tank top, a V of sweat down the front of my bust.

“Hi,” I say breathlessly, my body still huffing from my exertion.

“Hello, Selena.” The rasp of his voice saying my name is a hidden aphrodisiac, sending chills down my spine and eliciting a tingling in my belly.

“What are you doing here?” I look at him with confusion etched on my face hiding that my insides are privately jumping for joy, shocked that he is here in front of me.

“Well,” he says pushing himself off of the car as I walk to a stop in front of him. He exudes a confidence that most people would kill to have. “According to you, I took the checkered flag last night, Selena,” a provocative smile grows on his lips, “but I seem to have neglected to collect my trophy.”

“Trophy?”

He takes my hand with eyes sparkling full of humor still locked on mine, and tugs on it, pulling me forcibly against his chest, “Yes. You.”

Oh. Fucking. My. Thoughts run chaotically through my head. How do I respond to that? To him? When all I can think about is the feel of his warm, hard body against mine, and the fact that he is here for me again after I ran out on him last night. I tell myself to breathe, his mere presence stripping me of the ability to perform the most basic of functions. I quickly try to regain my composure, telling myself that I need to keep our interactions on my terms—revert to my sarcastic nature—in order to make sure that I can keep my wits about me.

I hear Haddie’s voice in my head telling me to channel my inner-slut. To go for it.

I breathe in again before I raise my eyes to meet the challenge in his. His pure male scent, soap mixed with cologne fills my nose and clouds my head. “Well, Ace, I think you’ve got your eyes on the wrong prize.” I pull my hand from his and put it on his chest, playfully pushing him back, distancing his body from mine. Needing the space to keep a clear head. “If all you’re looking for is a trophy, you have your bevy of beauties you can have your pick from. I’m sure that one of them would be more than willing to be a trophy on your arm.” I skirt past him toward the front door. I turn back to face him, a smile playing at the corners of my mouth, “And become another notch on your belt,” I shrug as I take a step backwards. “You could probably start by calling Raquel, is it? I’m sure she’ll forgive you for last night. I mean, you were …” I turn around and take a step for the door, pretending that I’m searching for a word before shrugging and tossing over my shoulder, “decent. She’s probably thrilled with decent.”

I wish I could see the look on his face for the sharp intake of breath I hear tells me that I made a direct hit with my comment. I don’t have to wait long to find out because within a breath, Justin grabs my arm and spins me around to him, pressing my body against his.

“Decent, huh?” he questions, his eyes boring into mine. I see anger, humor, defiance, all mixed together with desire. His breath flutters over my face, his lips inches from mine—so close that I clench my fists to resist the temptation to kiss him.

It takes all of my composure to keep up my charade of nonchalance. To hide how much he excites me, ignites my insides and shatters my control with just the sound of his voice, the feel of his touch, and the hint of his dominant nature.

I deliberately bite my bottom lip and look my eyes up in thought before bringing them back to his, “Hmmm, a smidgen above average, I’d say,” sarcasm dripping from each word as I smirk at him, lying through my teeth and then some.

“Maybe I need to show you again. I assure you that decent is not an accurate assessment.”

He snorts loudly as I push away from him again and provocatively sashay my way up the front walk, “I need to go stretch,” I say sensing his movement behind me. “Are you gonna come?” I ask innocently, a victorious smirk he can’t see wide on my face.

“If you keep moving your ass like that, I am,” he mutters under his breath as he follows me into the house.

I lead him into the family room hoping Haddie is occupied elsewhere in the house and offer him a seat on the couch before I sit on the floor directly in front of him to stretch. I stretch my legs out to either side of me as wide as they can go and lower my chest to the ground, hands out in front of me on the floor. With the help of my sports bra and my chest pressing into the floor, my cleavage is pushed up and hedges over the top of my tank. I can see Justin’s eyes wander over my body, stopping at my chest, and taking in the flexibility I’m purposefully displaying to drive him crazy. I can hear his hiss of desire, and I see his throat work in a forced swallow.

“So, Justin,” I say, stretching out over one prone leg, turning my head to look at him. I stifle a smile as I recognize the lust clouding his eyes. “What can I do for you?”

“Christ, Selena!” He runs a hand haphazardly through his hair, his eyes moving over the cleavage again, before raising up to meet my eyes. He unintentionally wets his bottom lip with his tongue.

“What?” I respond all doe-eyed, as if I have no idea what he’s agitated over. I’ve never played the femme fatale—never had the courage to—but something about Justin allows me to feel daring and bold. It’s a very heady feeling to watch him react to my subtlest motions.

“We need to talk about last night.” I see his eyes narrow as I switch positions, now lying on my back. I pull my right leg all the way up, pressing it to my chest, my shin inches from my nose. I lift my head up and look through the open V of my legs to encourage him to go on. He clears his throat noisily before continuing, taking a minute to remember his train of thought. “Why you left? Why you ran away? Again.”

I switch legs, taking my time to pull my other leg up, and stretch it over my head, making a low moan at how good it feels to elongate my tightened muscles. “Justin—”

“Can you please stop?” he barks out, shifting restlessly on the couch and adjusting the growing bulge that presses against the seam of his shorts. “Christ,” he swears again as I roll over into child’s pose, my bent rear in his view. “You in those yoga pants all limber and bending in half—you’re making me lose my concentration here.”

I look over my shoulder from my stretch and coyly bat my eyelashes at him. “Hmmm?” I feign as if I didn’t hear him.

Justin sighs in exasperation. “You’re gonna make me forget my apologies and take you right here on the floor. Hard and fast, Selena.”

“Oh,” is all I can manage for his threat-laced promise sends shockwaves through me, my body more than eager for his skilled touch again. My lips part to remind my lungs to breathe. My nipples harden at the thought. I push myself up to a seated position, cross my legs, and adjust my top to try and hide my body’s excitement at his words. “Although I’m sure it’s me who should be apologizing, Justin.”

He ignores my words, his eyes holding mine, various emotions flickering through them. “Why’d you leave, Selena?”

The command in his tone has me swallowing quickly, my confidence waning. I shrug, “A number of reasons, Justin. I told you, I’m just not that kind of girl. I don’t do one-night stands.”

“Who said it was a one-night stand?”

A bubble of hope sputters inside of me, but I quickly try to stifle it. Not a one night stand? Then what the hell was it? What the hell is this? I try to figure out what he’s looking for. What he might think this is between us. I look at his eyes, searching for a clue, but his expression gives nothing away. “What?” Confusion etches my face. “You lost me. I thought commitment wasn’t your thing.”

“It isn’t.” He offers up with a shrug, no other explanation given. “I don’t believe you.” He crosses his arms across his chest, biceps straining against shirtsleeves, and leans back into the couch. He quirks his eyebrows at me and waits for my answer.

“What?” He’s lost me.

“Your excuse for running last night. I don’t buy it. Why’d you leave, Selena?”

I guess that’s the end of the no-girlfriend discussion. But what about the not-a-one-night-stand comment? As for an answer, how do I explain to him how he made me feel last night after he left the bed? Used and ashamed. How do I tell him he hurt me without sounding like I have feelings for him? Feelings mean drama, and he has let me know he doesn’t want or tolerate that in his life.

“I just—” I sigh deeply, pulling my hair tie from my ponytail and let my hair fall down my back, trying to find the right words. I look him in the eyes, figuring honesty is the easiest route. “You made it clear that you were done with me. With us …” I can feel the heat of my flush spread over my cheeks. Embarrassed that I am going to sound like a needy, whining female. “Cursing adamantly to demonstrate why my presence was no longer needed.”

He eyes me cautiously, his eyes blinking rapidly as he contemplates my words. I try to keep my face impassive, unexpressive so that he can’t see the hurt I feel, and yet I see a myriad of emotions fleet across his face as he struggles to gain his footing. “Sweet Jesus, Selena!” he mutters closing his eyes momentarily, his mouth opening and closing as if he has more to say. Finally he looks back at me. “Do you have any idea … you made me—” He stops midsentence before standing abruptly and walking to the window. I hear him mutter a curse and I blanche at its severity. “I just want to protect you from—,” he stops again, a loud sigh the only completion to his sentence. He puts a hand to the back of his neck and pulls down on it while he rolls his head on his shoulders. He stands there momentarily, looking out at the front yard, both of us suspended in contemplative silence.

I made him what? Protect me from what? Finish the sentences, I plead silently as I watch his tense body framed by the mid-morning light. I just need an ounce of honesty from him. A sign that what happened meant more than just a quick romp. I’d give anything to see his face at this moment. To try and read the emotions he’s masking from me.

He turns back around and any hint of expression previously on his face is gone. “I asked you to stay.” He says the words as if they’re the only apology he’s giving for his actions. “That’s all I can give you right now, Selena. All I’m good for.” His voice is gruff and laced with what I think is regret. I feel as if he’s trying to tell me so much more with these words but I’m not sure what. The words hang between us for a moment, his jaw clenched, eyes intense.

I snort loudly, uncomfortable with the silence, trying not to read too much into his words. “C’mon Justin, we both know you didn’t mean it.” I rise from the carpet, grabbing my hair and twisting it quickly into a bun. He takes a couple of steps toward me, his lips twisting as if that action alone will prevent him from saying more. We stand a few feet apart, staring at each other, and each waiting for the other to make the next move. I shrug before looking down and twisting the ring on my right ring finger. I look back up at him, hoping my explanation will stifle any questions he has about having to manage my expectations of a possible future. Baggage equals drama to him, and he’s already admitted to me that he hates drama. “Let’s just say I left last night for reasons you don’t want to know about.” His eyes remain on mine, silently asking for more. I huff loudly. “I’ve got lots of excess baggage, Ace.”