#which is fine but just not my style wish there was more merch related to the show instead of just “gay gender pronouns podcast”

[lesbianamalvada]

all penumbra podcast merch is just the logo of the podcast or the cringiest tumblr-esque sayings.

[honeyfizzly]

Giving my opinions about all the yttd designs because I can lmao, warning for some spoilers (mostly when talking about the dolls lol)

Sara chidouin- her hair really isn't that bad, like it dosent make sense much but it's not the worse hair style I've ever seen (nor is the worst in the game).

Uniform is basic but I like how Sara wears her uniform properly compared to Joe, showing that she's the more responsible one out of the two.

Joe tazuna- when I played yttd with a friend we both called Joe "sonic" because of his spiky hair. So his spiky hair will always be awesome to me.

Other than that, I like the dog motifs (like the Keychain and lil bone). His uniform also has his blazer unbuttoned and sleeves rolled up, showing up that he's more of the carefree one of the two.

Mishima- not sure how an 30 year old would have their hair gone already grey so I feel like he really should've been made older.

Alot of his character is carried by his posture (with his odd pose and mad man smile) while his clothes are kinda plain. His glasses are cool though, they're very small and realistically wouldn't be covering his eyes but I think it helps serve his design rather than take away.

Kai- not much to say about his design, androgynous and mysterious looking which is a pretty good combo imo. I like how the apron is a warm color compared to his very dark pallette.

Reko- pretty good punk looking lady, her pallette is pretty dark with splashes with bright red and yellow. There's really nothing much to say about her since she's fine, maybe adding more yellow with some more piercings like nose piercings?

Alice- his hair is so weird in my opinion and I feel like he could've gotten a better hair cut, but I do like how vertical stripes are a constant motif in his design. His prison uniform is basic with nothing of note and the chains aren't too distracting.

Nao egokoro- I think softer colors would've worked with her better but other than that she's fine i guess. Maybe more accessories or more obviously art related stuff on her? Like some paints splashed on her overalls could've been nice.

Kanna- the bucket is very cute I will defend it with my life. The red is her skirt dosent look that good to me and I would've preferred it to be the same pink as her tie on uniform. I like all the greens in her pallet though, I think green is a good color for her.

Sou- his color pallet is kinda everywhere 😭 purples, reds, greens, blues, and brown. I wish it was a more organized pallet and should've stuck with reds (for the scarf, it's kinda important so can't be taken away) green and a little bit of blue.

Keiji- his hair color is so ugly I'm sorry 😭 litteraly looks like a durian. I wish a more desaturated yellow was chosen for the hair.

Other than that he's pretty good, looks like a suspicious man which he's presented as the beginning. I don't really think he needs to look like a "cop" because he isn't one and that's not what is trying to be conveyed with his design.

Gin- sweet sweet boy, very good design. Looks like a little boy with an special interest with animals.

Only complaint is that maybe something alligator themed could've been add in his design cause alligators are cannonical his favorite animal. Dosent have to be anything big maybe just a key chain or an scale pattern somewhere.

Ranmaru- I like how his design directly contrasts Joe (Joe being very bright and in your face with his colors, while Ranmaru is basically black and white). Other than that nothing much to say.

(3b spoilers) I do think his logic route sprite is interesting cause the eyes change color, so maybe there's a symbolic meaning to how a character's eyes are drawn? Also his hair becomes more fluffier but also spikier too, so it's shows that he's kinda unhinged and dangerous (compared to how his hair is usually well kept)

Anzu- very cute but she dosent scream "clown" other than her little jester shoes that are only in the Keychain merch. Her being a clown could've been pushed more and maybe she could've had some subtly clown make up or her hoodie could've been made to look like a jester's hat.

Hayasaka- very basic looking and his outfit is pretty similar to mishima's. His body posture kinda carries all of his personality instead of his actual outfit.

Kurumada- his hair is very fun 10/10 but I wish his outfit was more striking like how his hair is. Also since his eyebrows are always furrowed it looks like he dosent have eyebrows😭

Mai- I love her big stupid bread hat, very nice and striking part of her design. Her design is very nice with its lovely warm colors but she also looks very similar to a floor master??? Like she could pass as a floormaster most definitely, idk if that's intentional I just find it weird.

Hinako- her anatomy is weird with her tiny little stick legs and her hair is an bright color of pink which I personally didn't like at first but it's grown on me.

I feel like a longer skirt would've worked better for her but I do like how her hands are always shoved in her pockets, it's somewhat stand off-ish body language.

Sue miley- I wish the dessert she was based on was more obvious but I kinda feel in love with her design when I first saw it. I love how melty the chocolate parts of her clothes are and I love the spiky hair.

Her "pre asunaru" design is simple but nice, she looks not unhinged and just a science lady.

Tia safalin- love love her design! Her food theme is much clearer and I like the ribbons and witchy hat. Her design is very nice to look at imo. I wish her boots weren't that ugly though (I get that it's meant to match with ranger but the brown color dosent fit)

Rio ranger- I like how cluttered and chaotic it is, and his little mouth signs are an awesome idea. My only complaint is that the ice cream seems kinda tacked on for the dessert theme and dosent really fit.

Midori- pretty solid design, his eyes are creepy with how they're wide open and starring straight at you. He's also very in your face with how he's leaning directly towards you too.

The red scarf and green hair combo works here cause of how little colors are in his pallet (only really black, red, green and sometimes yellow depending on the sprite)

Gashu- he looks like an classy older looking man. The turtle neck is nice and his posture is very ridged which makes his one "freak out" sprite in main game stand out way more. Not much else to say.

Maple- I love how pancakes and syrup are litterally on her hair, it's so cute and a unique detail. Maple has a cute maid outfit(at least it looks like a maid outfit to me lol) with a skirt thats litterally syrup which is super cute as well. Her design is very cute lol.

[mircallablue]

So, in the wake of BeauJesters seeming passing, I’m going to take a moment to be more than a little self-indulgent and explain why I love these characters and their unique dynamic so goddamn much, as well as why I’m so disheartened by the way the show seems to be taking them. Warning: essay ahead lol. This is just a rambly rant that I’m writing because it’s cathartic to vent a little bit of frustration, and I love these characters so much. (and I love the entire cast, every goddamn one, and every other character in the show too. This is about love, not hate). 

So, for a few brief and wonderful episodes in this campaign, I actually believed that I was being told a love story about falling in love with your best friend, and figuring out your sexuality, while also unlearning all of the untrue lessons that the world taught you about love while you were growing up, and in so doing, finding value in yourself. Which, for me personally, is just super relatable. Like, that ticks every damn box I have lol, which partly explains why I love BeauJester so much, and I know a lot of B/J shippers feel the same. I’ve shipped B/J from super early on, but I never in a million years really believed it would happen, for a lot of reasons. Mostly homophobia, biphobia and heteronormativity. But I enjoyed their dynamic nonetheless, even though I thought (and was often TOLD by other shippers) that it didn’t stand a chance in hell of happening. 

So you can imagine how VALIDATING it was when Marisha, both in character and out of game, confirmed that Beau had very significant romantic feelings for Jester. All of the crumbs we’d collected over the course of the campaign were finally coming together and all of the gaslighters who told us we were delusional suddenly had to acknowledge that there was something there. And once it had been acknowledged, it was OBVIOUS. Omg it was so obvious and I loved every second of it. It was so undeniable for the next few episodes, and in hindsight, that there was something building there between them, there was potential. There was definitely a connection between these two characters. And for a few weeks, it was great. 

Then Liam - out of character - mentions that Caleb is in love with Jester. And it is immediately, fandom wide, treated with more respect than Marisha and Beau. 

I know a lot of people get very very angry when this is brought up, but it is just the ugly, unfortunate reality that a lot of people in this fandom treat Jester like a manic pixie dream girl. Even the people who do not consciously believe her to be that (and I don’t think there are many that genuinely believe it), are perfectly fine /treating her/ like one, as long as it serves one of the straight men that they love so much, usually Caleb. And this is where the heteronormativity comes in. Because even though it was an out-of-game confession with no bearing on canon, Calebs feelings immediately took precedence over Beaus in terms of the fandom narrative. 

I personally have never liked the way Liam handles romance in game. He did pretty much the exact same thing in campaign 1 as well, where his sad boy pines after the happy girl from afar until he’s uncontrollably in love with her, and then with no warning he drops it like a bomb. He just happened to drop it out of game this time. The main reason I don’t like this style of romance is because of how (unintentionally) manipulative it is. You see it in bad romcoms all the time. The guy makes a public declaration of love that pressures the girl into reciprocating or looking like the bad guy. But the main reason I don’t like /this particular/ declaration is the timing. 

Liam - who has always said he likes things to come out in game - inexplicably decides out of game reveal something as major as Caleb being in love with Jester, right after Marisha IN GAME took steps towards Beau and Jester being together. And it completely changed the narrative. Suddenly it was “top table top table”, and that's if Beaus feelings ever got mentioned at all. It was not at all helped by the fact that a lot of cast members (sam) still pushed Fjorester HARD, even with Jester telling Nott to stop, which must have sucked for Marisha/Beau. But even as recently as episode 99, Beau was still flirting with Jester, and there were definite hints at Jester maybe having unacknowledged feelings for Beau.

Then the hiatus happened. When we return, Beau is throwing herself at Yasha, and there’s not even a song for Jester on her playlist.  And then Travis reveals (also out of game, like Liam) that Fjord has feelings for Jester (in a playlist heavily curated by known fjorester, Dani Carr). And even /that/ is treated with more weight by some fans than Beaus in canon confession. And Yasha is having all of these super convenient dreams where Zuala tells her its ok to move on, and Beau and Jester are barely speaking. And now Beau is calling Yasha her GIRLFRIEND? WHAT??? Did I miss 20 secret episodes that aired during hiatus or something???? Beau and Yasha have still, in 107 episodes, only had ONE meaningful conversation and yet their relationship is being treated as deep and inevitable. Sure, you can read into their other interactions if you want. But as a queer person, I am sick to death of my love needing to be represented as subtext.

And so it has become pretty clear that the cast has decided out of game to go in a different direction. And of course they are well within their right to do that. But I just can’t help feeling incredibly disheartened, and again, more than a little bit gas-lighted. It really does seem as if Beaus' feelings for Jester have just been scrubbed from canon - as if they never even happened. All, seemingly, to make way for a typical happy-girl-sad-guy relationship with either Fjord or Caleb, and a typical pair-the-spares barely-any-depth relationship between the two out lesbians because its easy.

For the entirety of campaign 2, BeauJester has been treated as one thing - inconvenient. Inconvenient by the fans, who prefer other ships and have treated BeauJesters terribly, and now it seems, inconvenient by the cast, who have seemingly discarded it and scrubbed it from canon. 

And one thing that really upsets me is the amount of genuine viciousness and vitriol coming from (some) BeauYasha shippers. I really wish BeauYasha was something I could get on board with, I do. And a lot of people who are sending me hate seem to assume I don’t want them to end up together. But I would be fine with that. But as it stands, they’ve literally only had one real conversation in 107 episodes, and they’re calling each other girlfriend? While literally having not spoken about anything like that? While one of those characters is supposed to have canon romantic feelings for another woman? Imagine that situation with any other characters and it would be comical.

I swear, the queer ladies in this fandom have been done dirty. All of us. Imagine if, in campaign one, Grog and Keyleth, in episode 107, started calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend in the middle of a battle. (I picked those two because they probably had the fewest moments together of any VM pairing). That’s pretty much what happened here, and we’re supposed to like it - be grateful, even - because it’s wlw rep? And I swear, the number of times I’ve been called lesbophobic in the last month is absurd - all because I’m not comfortable with a canon lesbians canon feelings being swept under the rug. All because I want wlw relationships to be allowed to have the same depth and growth as the straight ones. Yes, even if that relationship is B/Y. We should not settle for less. Imagine if they had done this with any other character's canon feelings for another. People would be angry.

And I know there are going to be a lot of people saying “It’s their game, they can do what they like”. 

True. I never said otherwise. But it is also a show. It is a product. They sell merch. It is something that they have taken the time and the steps to make sure that we care about. And this is what that looks like. 

I know what happened here isn’t technically queerbaiting, but damn if it doesn’t cut the same.

[popculturebuffet]

Animaniacs: King Yakko Review (Comission by BlahDiddy)

Hello my beautiful technicolor rainbow! It’s time for Animaniacs, and while there is no balonga in my slacks there is one last christmas review for my friend to finish up, and after two visits to Acme Lab for the spinoff we’re finishing up with a look at Animaniacs proper.  Suprisingly for a show that stands so easily on it’s own it’s existance is entirely thanks to another show: Tiny Toon Adventures, which had largely the same staff, including ep and co-creator stephen speilberg and Todd Ruegger, who was brought aboard from A Pup Named Scooby Doo. Since TIny Toon was a colossal hit with tons of awards and merch, including some very good video games I wish Warner would find a way to re-release, I mean.. come on if disney can rerelease the disney afternoon games (If...not..for..switch), and LIon King and Aladdin games (If somehow FOR switch), then Warner, which has it’s own game stuido no less, can put together a collection of the good Tiny Toons games when the new show comes out soon. 

Point is it was a mass sucess and Warner Bros likes money, so they had Speilberg try to get Rutger to come up with another show for the two of them to do, something with name value. Rutger found his inpsiration when seeing the iconic warner water tower and taking some platypus characters, came up with our heroes and the rest is history.. well okay he retooled them from plataups’ to early looney tunes and other toons style characters minus the racisim of say bosko the tall ink kid but still, the rest after that is history. And the rest of this review is after the cut

The show was, and KINDA still is, a variety show: taking a page from looney tunes, as well as tex avery’s other work, the crew decided rather than just focus on the warners, to instead create a whole cast with various ensembles to work with so we got Pinky and the Brain, The Goodfeathers, Rita and Runt,  the Hip HIppos, Katie Kaboom, Chicken Boo, and my personal faviorite Slappy Squirrel.. and the bane of my existance, Buttons and Mindy.. or rather Mindy’s Mom. The kid did nothing wrong.  So naturally the first thing Animaniacs related I cover.. is an episode entirely breaking from format for one 20 something minute Warners cartoon. I do intend to do more animanics stuff in the future, so i’ll hopefully get a chance to talk about everyone, I just feel unlike with say house of mouse most people reading this probably know who they all are, and I can save any deep dives for if I cover the characters specifically. Spoilers: there’s probably never going to be a buttons and mindy deep dive unless someone tourtues me by paying for it. 

So with that out of the way, we can dive into the episode.. which I won’t be covering in my usual recap it point by point because the writers have freely admitted that’s not what Animaniacs is about. While some of i’ts SEGMENTS are more story based like Pinky and the Brain, Goodfeathers and Rita and Runt, most are just based on simple set ups to reams and reams of gags. And I love it. I grew up with this stuff not just Tiny Tunes and Animaniacs but the classic Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry and Droopy shorts. 

Their well timed, well executed feats of comedy and most have aged pretty well.. emphasis on MOST. I’m keenly aware why there are several gaps in the shorts for both Tom and Jerry and The Looney Tunes on HBO Max, including all of the Pepe LePew and Speedy Gonzalez shorts. Also all of Droopy is missing. 

My grumblin aside though, it is VERY NICE to have all the classic Warner and Tom and Jerry shorts at my fingertips and it was one of the biggest selling points of Max for me. Last year I gained an intrest in the old disney theatrical shorts, hence my various birthday specials, so I BADLY wanted to revisit the theatrical shorts I grew up with. And honestly.. Max is the best way to do that: their in crisp hd, in neat season collections (Though the Looney Tunes one is better sorted, tom and jerry’s seasons are just.. random smatterings of shorts across various eras), and most importantly EVERY SHORT they felt comfortable with putting up there is on there. Every. Single. One.  I make a big deal about this because Disney.. has only maybe 30-40 of their hundreds of shorts on there. Now lucky for me the vast majority are still on youtube and I get why some really arne’t suitable.. we probably don’t need the donald duck short where he prepares to shoot a penguin in the face or the Goofy short where his own reflection, the goofy equilvent of tyler durden I guess?, keeps saying “Hey Fat” to him. And yes BOTH of these actually happened. But.. there’s MANY shorts with no clear excuse why their absent like the triplets first apperance, gus’ only apperance, and one a friend told me about.. that time mickey built a robot to box a gorillia. Again not making this up, just wondering why you can’t restore the rest of these for plus. They’ve ADDED shorts ocasionally, but it still dosen’t make a whole lot of sense to just.. not have them all up there. and to not put them in some sorta collection for easier consumption but hey it’s Disney. They either full ass things or half ass it. There is no middle ground.  Point is Warner.. actually cares about their heritage in shorts and honors it and thus has everything avaliable in the best quality, so tha’ts nice.

My point after that detour is I really love this kind of humor, and now as an adult I can see the effort the timing, pacing and character chemistry these shorts had takes. And Rugger and co.. they got it. They got it down perfect. And this episode is a great show of that and just how they barely updated this format for the 90′s. But as I said it’s more about the jokes and basic setup, our heroes are slotted into x scenario and just left to run wild. It’s been the basic seutp for looney tunes, tom and jerry and all the gag based greats, and it works perfectly here. Sure there’s some setting and continuity with the warner lot, scratch n sniff, ralph, plotz and in the reboot Rita, but it’s mostly just our heroes go up against “X asshole” and it just works. 

And that’s.. entirley what this episode is. The short is an homage to the graucho marx film Duck Soup, which given the warners were based on the marx brothers that isn’t a huge suprise, a film like brian’s song I have not seen, but genuinely want to. The basic setup is the same: An underqualified womanizer, though since htis is Yakko it dosen’t get past hitting on his chancelor, played by hello nurse, constantly, which is still.. ewwwww... but clearly not the same thing, becomes king of a small nation and ends up at war with another country. There were spies and other stuff in the original short but that was left out to streamline things.  But this homage stands on it’s own fine: The basic plot is this: Yakko, due to being a distant relative and the last one alive, becomes king of the small happy and very musical, as the wonderful opening number shows, country of Anvilania, which makes anvils and why yes there is one MASSIVE anvil gag as a result at the end. Yakko says he’ll try his best and geninely tries to with the shenanigans you’d expect, including Dot not gettnig Polka Dot’s are a thing and instead taknig any mention of it as a sign to polka, Yakko again hitting on his colleague and wanting ot get a new anthem because the current one by “Perry Coma’ puts people to sleep. Honeslty that gag didn’t do it for me: Partly because I genuinely know next to nothing about Como and he’s far past my generation.. and because despite this, SCTV did a MUCH better Perry Como gag over a decade before this episode that while still left me baffled as to why anyone cared about mocking him, was 80 times funnier and felt far less like you needed to know who he was to be funny. 

That being said it’s one of only three running gags, and jokes period that didn’t land for me. The other ones being the hello nurse bits, because it’s aged really badly to have Yakko harass one of his employees and his age is hte only thing that keeps it from scuttling the episode as he’s just 13 or 14. Maybe 15. 

So SO glad I now have that on hand whenever i need it. The other being the “Your highness” joke as it just.. dosen’t make much sense and isn’t very funny. But that’s it: a refrence i specfically don’t get and I doubt most of you will, and if you do fine we all have our frames of refrences, a joke that’s dated very poorly, and one that just.. didn’t land. And even then the Perry Coma thing’s third use to knock out the opposing army DID work for me as did the VERY clever joke of “Sire” “Maybe later”, so even the weaker bits still had some legs.  But getting back to what little plot there is the king of the rival country, upon hearing this, assumes he can easily intimidate a child into giving him the throne and goes to a royal reception. Instead, as you’d expect, the Warners mistake him for a party clown, show him no respect and fail to take his delcration of war seriously, and while in a REALLY great gag, and the reason i’m not doing a strict summary is 90% of the review would be me saying something to that effect, Yakkos’ call to action for his troops ends up having them all run off in fear, the Warners take out the army as noted above and then in one of the most GLORIOUS climaxes in the series history...

 In which the Warners give the bad guy “all the anvils” as he requested. I sadly coulnd’t find a clip of it but seek it out if you got hulu, my words can’t do it justice as they hit him with anvil after anvil in increasingly clever and insane ways till the guy finally gives up and it .. is glorious.  Other highlights not already mentioned include: The opening song, the bad guy dictator from the other nation not being able to hear because of his helmet and his attendee having to lift it, leading to Yakko taking off his helmet just to end the “what’ running gag, Yakko’s bit explaning his distant relation and more.  So yeah not a ton to say on this one. It’s a very good, very funny episode but also very typical of a warner cartoon in structure, just stretched over 22 or so minutes. As I said with few exceptions the jokes work, the anmation is crisp as always, and the climax is one of the series best. A crisp, quick watch and a nice quick review after a week of with some really tough ones behind me and ahead of me and a month of rather large ones a few weeks out. So yeah if you like animaniacs, even ifyou’ve seen this one worth a watch, if you have any more animaniacs you’d like me to take a look at feel free to comment or comission and until the next rainbow..

[sign-from-god-complex]

Understanding Pride

Summary: Logan was aware that his friends weren't exactly straight, but he didn't realise quite how out of his depth he was surrounding the topic of being gay until this exact moment.

Or, Logan learns something new about himself.

Pairing: Queerplatonic analogical, background royality

Warnings: Internalised aphobia (questionably), description of a panic attack, brief mention of dissociation.

A/N: An anon asked for queerplatonic lamp—which I will hopefully get around to writing soon cause that’s definitely the Good Shit—but hopefully this will tide you over until then! Also despite having an anxiety disorder, I’ve never had a panic attack before, so hopefully my description isn’t terrible (feel free to let me know if it is though).

AO3 Link

Logan came home to the dorm room that afternoon to complete chaos. There were poster boards lying on every single flat surface he could see, coloured card all over the floor and glitter seemed to be stuck to every bit of it all, and in the middle of this mess was his roommate and his two best friends.

Logan had been living with Roman for several months now, so he was used to coming home to find the dorm in various states of disarray—papers and props scattered across the desk or the entirety of Roman’s wardrobe taking residence on both of the beds—however, this was definitely a new one.

Patton had perked up at the sound of the door opening and had immediately started to bound his way over to Logan, almost slipping on card in the process.

"Logan! You're home!" Patton squealed, pulling Logan into a very glittery hug that he didn't return, "Great! Now you can help us!"

Pulling away from Patton's hug, Logan looked him up and down. Patton was wearing a shirt he'd likely designed himself, considering the myriad of what he felt in his bones must be puns covering it, a short, fluffy skirt and had a flag of some kind wrapped around his shoulders like a cape. Although Patton's usual attire was certainly... eccentric, this was even more so than that.

A quick glance at the room's other two occupants revealed that they were also wearing slightly unusual clothing. Roman was wearing a self-designed shirt similar to Patton's, though slightly more simple and organised, grey sweatpants and a different coloured flag wrapped around his shoulders; Virgil was wearing an oversized t-shirt with the words, "I'm too ace for this" on it, paired with a yellow beanie and a purple knee-length skirt.

Quite honestly, the fact that Virgil was wearing colour was perhaps the most alarming part of the situation.

"Help you with what?" he finally asked, having given up trying to guess what in the world they were doing.

Patton giggled. "With making stuff for Pride tomorrow, silly!"

He tugged Logan's hand until they were seated opposite the other two, a big poster board in between them with "I'm punsexual" written on it and subsequently also covered in glitter. He hated to admit it, but Logan was completely and utterly lost.

He squinted slightly. "Pride?"

The three of them stared at him in shock.

"Yeah, Logan..." Roman replied, tone indicating that Logan had missed something fairly obvious and important. He hated that tone. "Pride. You know? Happens once a year? All us gays get together and throw a big party-"

Patton cut in, "-And remember all the struggles it took us to get to this point-"

"-And spend far too much money on gay merch, cause capitalism," Virgil finished.

They all looked at him searchingly. Logan was aware that his friends weren't exactly straight—I mean, Roman and Patton were dating, so clearly they couldn't be straight—but he didn't realise quite how out of his depth he was surrounding the topic of being gay until this exact moment.

Logan had grown up in a fairly conservative town, and though he wouldn't say they were necessarily against people being gay, he certainly wouldn't have imagined anyone would feel safe enough to come out if they were. So, all in all, his upbringing was pretty straight (in more ways than one).

He cleared his throat. "Right, yes, well that does sound... vaguely familiar I suppose," he lied, "What would you want me to-"

"Logan?" Patton interrupted. He was looking at Logan with confused yet amused interest. It was a very uncharacteristic look for Patton, and it made Logan feel slightly uncomfortable. "Are you straight?"

The question caught Logan off guard and he answered before he could really think it through.

"I mean... yes?"

Patton screwed up his face slightly. "You don't sound sure."

That's ridiculous, of course he was sure. Wasn't he? Really, growing up the way he did, he never thought there was any kind of other option, and by the time he’d realised there was, he was already sure enough that he was straight that he didn't consider it. And anyway, he didn't like boys like that. He didn't really like girls like that either, but that was neither here nor there. He just hadn't found the right one yet, he was sure.

"I suppose I never really thought about it," he replied slowly, "I just kind of... assumed I was."

The other three exchanged looks. There seemed to be some sort of silent conversation going on between them that Logan couldn't quite understand. He was about to ask them to just talk to him already when Virgil turned to look at him.

"So how do you feel about boys?"

Logan blinked. "Uh, boys are... fine, I suppose."

"How do you feel about girls?"

Virgil was leaning towards him, the look on his face slightly more intense than Logan would have preferred. His brain felt like it was running 100 miles a minute and yet it wasn't going anywhere at all, stuck in a loop of quick-fire questions and feelings he didn't understand. This conversation was overwhelming at best and quite honestly, he wished they weren't having it.

"They're also fine, look-"

"Okay, but 'fine' like, 'oooh, damn, you're looking fine' or 'fine' as in the waiter just gave you Pepsi instead of Coke and you're trying to be polite?"

Logan stared at Roman, trying to comprehend the words that had just come out of his mouth.

"I- um," Logan stuttered, "The... uhh-"

Logan quite honestly felt ready to defenestrate himself to escape this conversation, and Patton clearly decided to take pity on him, as he turned to Logan and put a hand lightly on his upper arm. Though Logan wasn’t normally one to appreciate physical contact, Patton's hand was at least giving him something to focus on besides his swirling thoughts.

"Logan, you like researching stuff, right?" Patton asked, smiling softly, "Learning new things?"

Logan nodded, confident in an answer for the first time since this conversation began.

"Okay, so how about instead of bombarding you with questions—" Patton sent a semi-stern glare at the other two, who had the decency to look a little bit sheepish—"We give you a list of some terms and stuff and you can look it up yourself, yeah?"

Logan exhaled, letting out a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding. "I think that would be preferable, Patton, yes."

He stood up quickly, attempting to brush away the glitter that had stuck to every inch of his jeans the moment he sat down, before turning to grab his bag from by the door where he’d dropped it. He needed some space to think. As much as he appreciated his friends’ company, their emotions could certainly be… overpowering at times, and he needed a bit of distance from that.

“I’m going to the library,” he said, addressing his friends, their faces displaying their disappointment, “I have a paper I need to finish.”

That was a lie, of course. He’d finished all his coursework for the next 2 weeks and they all probably knew that, having been subjected to his insistent studying habits for the past couple of months. Roman especially—a surprisingly light sleeper, he’d been woken up several times by Logan muttering something or other about how bullshit magnetic fields were or how the reclassification of Pluto was one of the biggest mistakes of the scientific community (that one actually wasn’t class-related, Logan just had strong feelings about Pluto). To their credit though, none of them called him out on it, just nodding their heads and wishing him good luck with his study.

Just before pulling the door closed behind him, Logan turned around and said, “Text me that list. I’m sure I can make some time to check things out.”

He barely caught the wide grins of his friends before he shut the door and started his way over to the library.

//////////////////

Logan fell into a seat at his usual table, taking off his glasses for a moment before rubbing his hand over his face, sighing.

He liked the library. Libraries were one of the few places left in the world where you could truly just exist without anything being expected of you. You didn’t have to pay to stay, you weren’t forced into unwanted conversation, you could read or work or simply breathe without having to worry about being yelled at or infringing upon anybody else. Truly, it was one of the best places you could be.

Plus, it was quiet—a fact that Logan normally appreciated, but right now was proving to be more of a hindrance, as quite honestly, he was on the verge of screaming.

Self-reflection was not Logan’s style. He preferred not having to think too hard about his preferences, generally they proved to be less than important anyway and the effort that it took to try and untangle his emotions really wasn’t worth the payout. Clearly, though, this was something he’d been putting off for a long time, even if he hadn’t necessarily realised he had been. It was about time he thought about it.

Patton’s text had come through sometime on Logan’s walk over, so he grabbed out his phone to take a look.

Patton: Here’s the list, Lo! We added our own labels in there as a little coming out to you, since we realised we never did it officially!! 💖🧡💛💚💙💜

Sexuality stuff:

LGBTQIA+

Gay/Lesbian — you probably already know this one, but just in case :) (gay is also what Ro goes by! just cause it’s easier ~ Patton)

Bisexual/pansexual (this one’s mine!! I prefer pansexual over bisexual!!! ~ Patton)

Asexual (me ~ V)

(you should also look into the difference between a romantic orientation and a sexual orientation ~ V)

(oh and asexuality is a spectrum, so probably look into some of the other a-spec identities too, demisexuality, gray-asexuality, etc. ~ V)

(and probably look into sex repulsion too and all that. there’s a lot to this, sry. ~ V)

Aromantic (all the previous stuff applies to this too, aromanticism is a spectrum, romance-repulsion, all that ~ V)

Gender stuff:

Binary transgender (which I am! ~ Roman)

Cisgender

Nonbinary (which me and Virgil are!! ~ Patton) and gender neutral/nontraditional pronouns

(there are more specific nonbinary identities though ~ V)

Agender

Genderqueer

Genderfluid (Patton. she mostly uses he/him or she/her pronouns, depending on the day. me and Roman usually feel it out, or if we’re unsure, just ask. ~ V)

Bigender

Pangender

Demiboy/girl (me. usually he/him is fine. ill let you know when it’s not. ~ V)

We know this is a lot, so if you have any questions, we’re here!!!

Logan read through the list a couple of times, before pulling out his laptop and opening up google. This was going to take a while.

He started out with ‘gay/lesbian’. He was already fairly certain he knew what it meant, however, he figured going in sequential order would result in the least amount of confusion from skipping over things he should have known. He found a website fairly quickly which outlined the definitions of gay/lesbian and bisexual, even including a description of transgender and gender identity. He glared slightly at an unfamiliar word, before shooting a text over to Roman.

Logan: Roman, do you identify with the words, ‘transsexual’ or ‘transvestite’?

He continued reading through the website as he waited for a reply. It was only a couple of minutes before his phone buzzed on the table next to him.

Roman: uhh, no 😂 those terms are all pretty outdated. there might be some trans people who still use the word transsexual, but transvestite is generally seen as a,,, negative term. at least, if someone called me a transvestite I wouldn’t take it in a positive way.

Logan frowned before closing his tab. Clearly, the website wasn’t up to date.

In his search to find a description of pansexuality, Logan stumbled on another website with a list of terms, this one seeming considerably more reliable. He skimmed over the definition of pansexuality, getting a general grip on the term before he decided to text Patton.

Logan: Patton, why do you prefer the label pansexual over bisexual? I am to understand they are largely the same thing.

Patton: They are!! Really, it’s a matter of just what you /like/ to use more than anything I think! Some people say bisexuality is transphobic, cause it doesn’t clearly include nonbinary genders in its definition, but I don’t think that's fair! I have tons of bisexual, nonbinary friends! Well, okay, I have two, but still!!!

Logan nodded to himself absentmindedly. He’d heard of homophobia, so he assumed transphobia was a similar concept, but against transgender, or trans, people as opposed to gay ones. He’d yet to reach a definition of nonbinary but based on context clues he could take a guess at what it meant.

Another text came through from Patton.

Patton: Plus, there’s way more fun puns with pun-sexuality 😜

Logan put his phone away.

After finishing reading the pansexuality description, he opened up the tab of definitions and scrolled through, quickly coming upon asexuality, the next on the list.

“Asexual: A person who generally does not feel sexual attraction or desire to any group of people. Asexuality is not the same as celibacy. Click here for dedicated page.”

Logan blinked. Not… having sexual feelings towards anyone? That was an option?

He considered sending a text to Virgil, but he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to ask. Instead, he opened up the ‘dedicated page’ and began to read.

“Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends… free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires… Many asexual people experience attraction, but feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead they feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for them.”

Oh.

Logan shut the lid of his laptop, trying to breathe as steadily as possible. He grabbed out his phone and texted Virgil a very uneloquent:

Logan: Asexuality is an option? That’s something you can be?

He realised that his text was quite ambiguous and likely very confusing, but luckily enough, Virgil seemed to understand what he meant.

Virgil: yeah, dude, i know. look at aromanticism next, yeah? Virgil: and, uh,,, maybe look into queerplatonic relationships? idk, that might be something that youd want to know about,,,,

Logan was about to turn back to his laptop and do exactly that when his phone buzzed again in his hand. He unlocked it to find another text from Virgil.

Virgil: oh and um, sorry abt earlier. got a lil intense there.

He smiled before sending back a reply.

Logan: It’s already forgiven.

The website Logan was on didn’t seem to have a definition of aromanticism, so after briefly reading over the other descriptions, Logan turned back to google. After scrolling through some links relating to an album of sorts, Logan opened up a website called aromantics wiki and began to read.

“An aromantic is someone who does not experience romantic attraction.”

Logan felt slightly like someone had just punched him in the stomach. He read over the definition again, and then again, his brain not quite comprehending how this one sentence held as much importance as it did.

Aromantic.

He wasn’t waiting for the right one. He wasn’t strange to not feel romantic attraction. He was aromantic.

Romance had always been pushed on him by his family. It was something he understood—he was the youngest of 3 siblings, both his older brothers having already found wives by the time they were in their late 20’s; his parents expected the same of him—but it certainly wasn’t something he had ever enjoyed.

When he was young he had a best friend called Kara, who was a girl. They’d met on the playground and had bonded over their mutual love of solitude. They both appreciated being able to spend time together without having to worry about socialising. Occasionally they’d talk about school or debate how likely it was that there was life on other planets because they were things they enjoyed discussing, but mostly they swung together or made sandcastles, movements synchronised without even trying. Their relationship had been close, but it had been simple.

And then everyone else ruined it.

When Logan came home from spending time at Kara’s house, his Dad would ask him if he had a good time with his girlfriend. Logan would frown and tell him Kara wasn’t his girlfriend. His Dad would ruffle his hair and laugh, saying, “Sure, buddy”. Logan would be confused as to why he didn’t believe him.

Logan’s brothers would seek the two of them out during lunch at school, taunting them and laughing about how “Logan has a crush! Logan has a crush!” until Kara would grab his hand to pull him away, his brothers’ oooh’s echoing in his ears. He’d hold hands with his mom too, he wouldn’t understand why it was a big deal.

Logan would lay awake at night, questioning his feelings. Did he like Kara? He liked spending time with her. He wanted to make her happy and he liked seeing her smile. He didn’t think he got butterflies around her (and really, he didn’t understand that term anyway; how would butterflies end up in your stomach?) but his parents said it was different for everyone, so maybe he just didn’t realise. He must like her, everyone said he did.

So Logan told her he liked her. And that was the last playdate they ever had together.

He hadn’t realised he was crying until he looked down to see tears splashed on his computer keys. One of the librarians, Ms Miles, had made her way over to Logan’s table and was watching him with a worried expression.

“Logan, sweetheart, are you alright?” she said, dropping the stack of books she was holding onto the other side of the table. She looked kind of shocked to see such a display of emotion from someone usually so stoic.

Logan knew the librarians, Ms Miles, Mrs Carroll and Cathy, quite well. He often volunteered to help shelve books or issue items on days where he wasn’t busy, but still wanted something to do. He’d even collaborated on some displays and events with them when they were asking for help from students, and Cathy had a running list of books she was recommending Logan every time he came in, leading to some truly excellent finds.

Logan wiped at his eyes hastily before sliding his laptop into his bag and standing up from the table.

“Yes, Ms Miles, I’m fine,” Logan lied—his entire world view had just shifted, he was far from fine—“I just remembered something upsetting, but it’s a long time past, really. I’m just going to go back to my dorm now.”

Ms Miles nodded cautiously.

“If you’re sure, Logan,” she said, sweeping up the books she’d put on the table and turning around to begin shelving.

Logan took a shaky breath before grabbing his phone out of his pocket and sending Virgil another text.

Logan: Meet me at the greenhouse. ASAP.

Logan felt his phone buzz almost immediately but didn’t check the reply, instead replacing his cell phone back in his pocket and heading off in the direction of the drama rooms.

Virgil and Logan had an unspoken agreement of sorts. The two of them understood each other very well, having similar natures—usually quiet and more in need of solitude than their two extroverted friends. Time spent with Virgil was generally peaceful and free of societal expectations. They were able to exist near each other without fear of having to socialise, and so they often sought each other out when spoons were low or when they simply needed a bit of quiet company.

Yes, often Virgil needed to be calmed due to his excessive worrying, but Logan was more than happy to do so, providing him with facts and whole truths until Virgil felt slightly more in control. Logan had never been good at comforting people—mindless platitudes and social niceties escaped his realm of understanding—but Virgil didn’t need that. He knew it was bullshit as much as Logan did.

In return, Virgil would keep an eye on Logan. It was subtle at first, but over time grew to Virgil outright ordering him to take care of himself, showing up at his room at all hours of the night, virtually forcing him into bed. Logan would complain as it was happening, but he’d wake up in the morning feeling warmer, ready to tackle whatever had kept him up so late with a more relaxed perspective. Truly, Virgil was an excellent friend.

If Logan thought too hard about it, which he tried his best not to, he reminded him of Kara.

Logan arrived at the greenhouse. It was abandoned, as it always seemed to be. The inside of the glass was coated in dirt, though not enough that you couldn’t see the knocked over plant pots and bags of dirt piled in the corners. Logan had hypothesised to Virgil that the greenhouse must have been used by the botany students once, though it had been in disuse for the entire time Logan and Virgil had known of it.

He took a seat on the ground, leaning against the warm glass. He expected it to be a couple more minutes before Virgil arrived—when comparing the distance between the library and his dorm—so Logan tried to take deep steadying breaths as he waited.

The first time Logan and Virgil had seen the greenhouse was within the first few months of knowing each other. They’d been lightly discussing the merits of social media as they wandered towards their next classes, both giving opposing arguments to what the other said, but always to prompt more discussion rather than as a result of their own beliefs. At least, they’d thought they were wandering towards their next classes. Unfortunately, however, they’d fallen prey to that trope of each of them thinking the other was leading the way, and so instead they ended up somewhere entirely different.

That somewhere different had been the greenhouse.

It had piqued Virgil’s interest almost immediately, always looking for more private places within the school grounds. Having an anxiety disorder in a place so public as a university campus could prove to be a bit difficult sometimes, Virgil had mentioned, and having somewhere he could go when he was feeling overwhelmed and needed to be alone was extremely important to him.

Upon closer inspection, Logan had concluded that the greenhouse hadn’t been used in quite some time. Not only was the area generally overgrown and unkempt—as opposed to the rest of the school, which had the grass cut regularly—but the padlock that hung on the door was rusted shut. Logan didn’t think that anyone could get in if they wanted to.

They’d scoped it out for a time, coming back every so often to check that no one was hanging around there during their breaks or anything, but it remained empty.

Weeks later Logan had witnessed Virgil have a panic attack for the first time. He’d texted Logan while he was studying at the library, telling him to come to the greenhouse. Logan hadn’t really thought anything of it—Virgil likely just wanted a bit of company—so when he arrived to one of his best friends crying and hyperventilating, he’d been a bit taken aback.

It hadn’t gone excellently for either of them. Logan had never seen anyone have a panic attack before so the first 5 or so minutes had been filled with a rather concerned Logan trying to get Virgil to tell him what he was supposed to be doing. In the end, Logan had realised he needed to get Virgil to breathe and had guided him through it a few times, Virgil eventually reaching a point where he was okay enough to explain.

Logan had learnt a lot about anxiety disorders since then. He’d gone back to the empty dorm almost immediately after Virgil had returned to class and researched into it as much as he could. He knew which breathing patterns to implement and he knew which grounding exercises to use, but that didn’t make it all that much easier to do when he, himself, was spiralling into a state of alarm.

He was going to end up living the rest of his life by himself without anyone to be there for him. All his friends were going to pair up, were going to fall in love and move away and he would remain—the leftovers nobody wanted.

He was never going to fall in love. He was never going to have that perfect life his family expected of him. He was going to end up alone forever and he didn’t want to be alone.

He wondered absently if maybe Virgil wasn’t going to come at all. Maybe Logan would die here, unable to breathe as a crushing weight sat on top of his chest.

Luckily, Virgil decided now was a good time to show up. Logan didn’t notice Virgil first arrive—his head pressed against his knees, arms braced on either side—but he did notice as Virgil took a seat next to him, his calming voice floating through Logan’s panicked haze.

“Come on, Lo, you know the breathing techniques, right?” Logan heard him say, “You just gotta breathe with me.”

Logan listened as he began to count, trying his best to breathe in time and focus on Virgil, only Virgil, nothing else. It was actually easier than he thought it would be to block everything out, just listening to Virgil’s counting and slow, steady breaths. It almost made him feel like he was floating, his body left behind as his mind latched on to Virgil’s words, wrapping itself up in them like they were a blanket on a cold winter’s day.

By the time Logan had calmed down, he was exhausted.

His body was sore; tense muscles unclenching, shoulders dropping and chest expanding as he breathed. He tried to focus on staying calm and not on the lingering panic buried in the back of his mind.

“Well, that was absolutely awful,” Logan said, voice much more hoarse than he’d expected it to be, “How do you do that all the time?”

Virgil chuckled, though Logan could tell he was worried. “Well, yeah. It’s not like I choose to.”

Logan hummed noncommittally.

Virgil carefully kept his distance, knowing Logan’s general distaste for physical contact, but right now all Logan wanted to do is crawl into Virgil’s lap and take a nap, maybe have Virgil run his hand through Logan’s hair. Fuck, he must be tired if he’s thinking like that.

Virgil must have been able to sense Logan’s wish for a hug somehow though, because he opened his arms in an offer and Logan barely hesitated before diving in and wrapping his arms around him. Virgil was warm and soft and safe. His grip was offering the perfect amount of pressure where he felt secure, but not trapped. Distantly, Logan realised he was crying again. Not sobbing, more like tears leaking out without his permission and damn, he was going to get dehydrated at this rate.

“I’m sorry,” Logan mumbled into the fabric of Virgil’s hoodie, “I don’t mean to be so emotional, I just-”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Virgil interrupted, “Figuring things out about yourself is overwhelming. God knows I was a mess when I realised I was ace, or when I realised I was nonbinary, or, heck, even just realising I liked boys was a whole lot to deal with.”

“Overwhelming is definitely a word for it, yes.” Logan laughed wetly. “It just feels like suddenly I have so much more to worry about than I did yesterday.”

Virgil unwrapped his arms from around Logan to tilt his chin up. His expression was affectionate and kind.

“But you have a community now, yeah?” he said, voice soft, “You don’t have to do this alone.”

Logan barely gave himself a second to think before he was leaning up and pressing a kiss to Virgil’s cheek. Virgil spluttered for about a full five seconds, his face going bright red. Logan pulled away, unable to contain his laughter.

“What…” Virgil trailed off, expression completely baffled, “What was that?”

Logan, amusement dying down, pulled away to instead take position with his head on Virgil’s lap. It wasn’t nearly as comfortable as he had hoped it was going to be, but he was too tired to move now.

“It just felt like the right thing to do.”

“Acting on instinct? Who are you and what have you done with Logan?” Virgil joked, but his face was bright.

Virgil moved his legs slightly and Logan shifted with him and, yes, this was much better. They lay there for a moment, enjoying the stillness. Virgil’s hand had drifted to his hair and after some hesitance from Virgil and a small whine from Logan as he tried to pull away, he had taken to playing with it absentmindedly, his hand stroking through Logan’s dark curls. Another point to Logan for getting what he wanted without having to explicitly ask for it.

Logan had just about drifted off, warm sun beating down on him, when Virgil’s voice cut through the silence.

“Did you, uh, manage to look into queerplatonic relationships… by any chance?"

Logan opened his eyes. Virgil had gone tense underneath him and he frowned. He didn’t understand why this topic was distressing to Virgil, but he tried to assuage his fear nonetheless.

“Virgil I assure you, there’s no need to be anxious about this.” Virgil gave him a small smile, half self-deprecating and half soft and appreciative. “But as it stands, no, I did not get a chance to look into it. Would you like to tell me about it? I promise I will try my best not to fall asleep.”

Logan let his eyes fall shut again as Virgil laughed.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he said lamely, “Basically it’s like a regular friendship, but more? Like, uh, you might do things with your queerplatonic partner that you might not with just a friend, like cuddle or uh, I don’t know, emotional intimacy stuff, talking about your hopes and dreams or whatever. And it has the same commitment level as a romantic relationship, like, you might stay together for the rest of your lives kind of thing, but it’s all platonic. You love each other but, like… platonically.”

Logan opened his eyes again to see Virgil staring off into the distance, biting his lip. Absently, Logan thought that he should get Virgil one of those chewy necklaces he’d seen online—the bat one seemed like a good choice; matched his dark aesthetic. On a more concrete level, Logan suddenly understood why Virgil had been so tense.

“Oh,” Logan blinked a few times. “Is that what this is?”

Virgil’s gaze flicked over to Logan immediately, eyes widening.

“I mean, it doesn’t have to be! We can just be friends, there’s seriously no pressure to-”

“Virgil?” Logan interrupted, watching as Virgil winced slightly.

“Yeah?”

Logan examined the face above him for a moment. Virgil was the person he trusted more than anyone else he knew. Virgil was the person who was always there when he needed someone to talk him down from whatever frenzy he had managed to get into. Virgil was an intelligent debate partner, an ever-calming presence and his best friend.

Really, how could there have been any question?

Logan gave a soft smile, “I’d like that.”

Virgil’s answering grin was blinding. Logan couldn’t help but smile brighter in return, his chest warm.

He felt protected here with Virgil. Protected from all the worries he’d previously had, protected from the harshness of the outside world that may not understand them, protected from his own insecurities. He knew Virgil loved him—really he thinks he always knew—and Logan loved him in return.

Virgil was there for him; he didn’t need to be alone.

So, of course, he could not let this moment last.

Logan put on a fake innocent look, channelling all the acting skills he must have gained by proxy from living with Roman.

“Does this mean I get to kiss you on the cheek more frequently?”

Virgil snorted, his face scrunching up as he pushed Logan off of his lap and onto the ground. Logan laughed as Virgil stood up, brushing the dirt off of the back of his skirt.

“I’m gonna get you back for that one day, you know that, right?” Virgil was scowling but Logan could tell he didn’t really mean anything by it.

Logan smiled up at him.

“I have full faith that you will.”

[sundrenched-smilez]

I see your 'here's a lot!' and raise you: 1, 3-6, 10-13, 17-19, 21, 23, 25

1. what is your gender?

dainty + bubbly

sharp

ethereal

decadent

3. what is your gender presentation like?

being genderfluid, it’s difficult tbh, and i dont always know what my gender is at any given moment? only what feels Wrong and Uncomfy. so i just gotta trial and error until i get tired of doing that and give up, or i find smth good. this can take several minutes expressing the above feelings and aesthetics is essentially my gender pres

4. what is your Gender Euphoria Outfit? 

d+b - smth flowy, soft, traditionally more girly and femme

sharp - punk, black and spiky. metal helps, so do bracelets, and sometimes eyeliner done to a point. mb a lil slutty, but for me, not for others. tank tops, torn clothing, showing skin

ethereal - the above, but more adorned and colorful? like rly unique and confident looks. less edges, more fae

decadent - like shirts w ruffles on them, feeling like a pirate or an old century princess, loose clothes, fancy clothes, feeling a lil like royalty or thinking highly of myself. mb more animated w my actions, more dancy

5. what makes you feel validated?

ppl using my pronouns, or telling their friends “oh look at that person, theyr’e goals/theyre pretty/so hot, etc” and impressing ppl w my beauty and style that way.

ppl not knowing what genitals i have, or being confused on that front!! like i’ve told ppl im on hormones n they assumed T instead of estrogen, and that’s fun. kinda like how u like to confuse ppl 

6. top five favorite parts of your body (n why you love them)?

thighs!! they’re rly good n have recently gotten thiccer bc i put on weight, and that makes me happy c:

i have a cute butt!!

boobs, bc ive always wanted them, nd i have them now, nd im big sexy

legs, esp when shaven, bc that always feels nice. so does my tummy, it’s rl soft

i love my eyes so much, they’re such a dark, deep warm brown!!! they rllllyyy pop when i wear eyeliner w them, and im always consistently happy abt them c: i also have good lips, nd suuuuper soft skin

im cheating but i also rly adore my hair, it gets rly curly sometimes, and i love that abt it 

10. do you have any trans pride merch?

i dont!! i have a gay flag in my room tho c: 

11. recent happy trans moment?

at work yesterday, i had mentioned customers probs find me offputting bc im tall and trans, and my friend josh who i work w, was like “use that to your advantage!! I know that sounds weird, but when i wear a flower crown, it’s easier to sell to ppl, bc im the Bubbly Gay” and i was like “hi, i dont have the genitals you think i do, please buy my fragrance” in a deadpan voice, n cracked him and my manager up 

12. favorite trans headcanon?

samus aran from metroid being trans!! shes powerful and unstoppable, and i love her 

13. favorite canon trans character? (alt: 2nd favorite trans headcanon?)

i rly love elliot from On A Sunbeam, but also alex fierro from the magnus chase series!!! she’s never afraid to let ppl know when her pronouns have changed (genderfluid) and she’s out and proud, and promotes “flaunting the weird” or unique, and she always wears pink n green, which is cool. like everyone was in white snow suits for camouflage, and she still had a pink/green one somehow, nd it was rly silly 

17. something you wish you could tell your younger self?

brush ur teeth more, also dont worry, ppl will love ur dick and wont bash u for having one. you’ll have friends that love and want to b around u

18. what would your Ideal Fashion Look be?

i rly want that rose dress i drew on zuretta, mb i’ll try sewing one when i have money

19. (how) does your gender relate to your sexuality?

if u like me, ur gay, and also i rly want someone (partner wise) to call me their flame, bc that would b rly affirming and gay. like im an urban/modern pirate witch who strolls into town on odd full moons, bringing lavish gifts and showering my love in affection, sex, and laughteri like the concept of sex more than actual sex, but u know,,,, some gay thoughts

21. what makes you feel euphoric?

when i can express my genders the way i want to, or express/hold myself in a way that rly makes me all !!!!!! inside

like a firm and steady connection, resonating in my aesthetic like a beacon or a lightning strike; powerful, brimming with energy, and certainty. 

23. claim something as trans culture. 

running a joke into the ground until it's unrecognizable from what the original one was (i’m about to end this man’s whole career > me, about to fight someone “i’m about to end this man” >me answering if i’ve entered the building yet “i’m about to” > me, when i’m a muscle underneath someone’s stomach fat “i’m ab”)

editing ur friends into memes

25. what’s your favorite part of being trans?

tbh i dont rly identify as trans, just nb, bc ive always felt nonbinary; used to b rly grossed out by being called anything masculine, felt uncomfortable to take my shirt off from the age of like 6, in public spaces. called myself an individualso like im definitely not cis but i’ve always been nonbinary, so i dont feel the need to categorize myself into like “someone who isn’t as they used to be” if that makes sense. 

plus idk, uncomfy term for me specifically, doesn’t feel right. same w transfeminine, like im androgynous in the first place, and if i were feminine, i dont see the need 2 arbitrarily add trans in front of it, as if to say “im artificial”obvs those terms r affirming for others, and im rly happy abt that and encourage them to use em, but for me its just like. mmm. thats how it feels, a lil nasty nd not me. wrong, ig? feelings. its 1 am almost so im in a slightly off mindset, but also fine bc i just took like a big nap from 3:30ish to 8no gender roles, im free of constriction and can dress however tf i want bc fuck fashion trends? its just money in the pocket of a corporation. now i do like fashion, but only in that i love to see how ppl express themselves, not so much following trends and rules abt it. it’s better to b unique and have ur own style, what makes u u, what makes u comfy and happily expressed

[kaoarika]

So, now that things have somewhat calmed down since Sunday, Let’s talk about the new 6 hpmi members.

I saw a post in the tags about someone’s “hot take” calling them ugly and hoping they aren’t “main characters”... except the last part is, “duh, ofc they are promoted as main charas...” I mean, lol, what were you expecting? They are here to disrupt the other 4 divisions, they were put by Central Ward, they also have some relationships with our other guys. Perhaps, for the first part of the plot... at least until the end of the 1st Battle Season, they do not exist per se as such... that’s why the manga series is attempting to fill some gaps.

Like, any other idol franchise... this is somewhat expected to happen? I mean, lol?

But,  Ican tell you this, I am also overwhelmed about them for a couple of reasons: 

I also have favorites in other divisions, but I’m not the type of person to spend in lots in merch of them, I wish I could, but many of the merch I want is sadly in sets (or collab events), and it’s sometimes more expensive than I want to spend to (could be freaking good, as there are times I like them all equally...), and most of the times I cannot do splits to get specific characters, like Ichiro. More charas is kind of something that I don’t think will affect me in the close future.

The other reason is what I have talked about in another post. 

Look, having charas who have some “relationships” from the characters is... both good and bad. I kinda feel KR want to force the focus in some of them to the other guys, though. 

That’s why the whole “Amayado = Yamada’s dad” theory is still rubbing me off the wrong way. That’s why I don’t like the theory that perhaps Rosho is someone who is related to Ramuda in some sort of way... or that he is the BBs teacher (why?) or why ppl thinking BAT is kinda referencing to Dice in some sort of... way??? (the seiyuu reactions in the 4th live do not help)... let’s not talk about the popular theory of “Otome is related to Dice” (which I can totally buy, because freaking FP is still mysterious in their own way but we don’t know much more than 15% about them).

Look, my first impressions in the other 4 divisions in the start was not good, either, because it was full of mystery... ppl started to theorize as crazy when they released the first relationship graphic for the 12 of them. And the thing is, I have mellowed to them in the past two years. Perhaps this might happen with the new 2 divisions as well.

But, nah, they are not “side divisions”, not when they are advancing the plot, and with an hypothetical 2nd Battle Season next year. Because this is affecting th franchise in a meta/plot way.

Now, here is the other part I wanted to talk about: the character designs. OP in that other post offered this “hot take”: that they look ugly, and “expected too much better for a franchise wth “cute boys”... except... you know... the majority of this cast is in their mid-to-late 20s...? Three of the oldest cast are 35-46? 

I’m not excusing they could have done a bit much more “cute”... but ppl have different tastes, and not everyone has to be a freaking twink (THAT’S MY HOT TAKE HERE). And heck, ppl like Amayado’s design a lot, for example. Let ppl be thirsty for him, lol.

My own take on this is... I might have expected a bit much better, though. The prospect of new divisions wasn’t that far off from happening. Reintroducing Kukou or Sasara to the present timeline was possible, too. I do like the designs of these two, for example. I like how Sasara is dressed in a typical formal manzai comedian attire, I like how Kukou, being a monk, also looks like a punk... it’s a franchise where you don’t expect how random it would get with ppl involved in rap battles (I mean, a salaryman, a host, an ex-soldier, a hobo, two teens,  a gremlin, you get my drift?)

Here’s the thing, however, while I like megane characters, Jyuto fits more my aesthetic... Rosho... cute teacher and what not... I don’t like the glasses the character desginer put him in. I don’t like them at all. And heck, Hitoya’s clothing style and his hairstyle? Lol, I really hate them. You could have done w/o the Monokuma-like-biker jacket (get an usual black biker jacket, ffs). And then there’s Jyushi... like... a visual kei character dresses as much as that. Not like I hate it, it’s... fine...

But, yeah, I wish... you know? A bit more body diversity in the guys’ designs,  I guess. That’s why I was like “oh, good! more twinks!” in all my sarcastic self on (Amayado is no twink, whatsoever, and Hitoya looks beefier... compared to Riou who could have done a bit more on that, too, jfc)

I mean, you have a muscle-chub-like side chara in the ARB game... but that’s the game... it’s not the same.

I just... hope that it happens like what happened to me when the other 4 divisions were introduced... and KR change my first impressions in both DH and BAT.

[lesakuraciel]

trans ask game!

original by @solareclipselgbt

1.) what’s your gender and pronouns?

nb and they/them!

2.) what does your name mean (either literally, or to you personally)

i don't feel a particular connection to my birth name, though it is based off anna karenina (it's anna corinne), but i've been toying w the idea of going by ashe... obv it's based on the tree but to me it means walking through a dappled forest near the end of winter, timeless and strange and perfect

3.) when and how did you realize you were trans?

not entirely sure, def after i figured out i wasn't straight(which was aug. 2016), but as far as accepting my place under the /trans/ flag (i knew i was nb, but was still hesitant bc of the people against enbys iding as trans), that didn't happen until like. end of last year,

4.) what was the most helpful in figuring out and accepting yourself as trans?

my trans friends definitely!! and also doing a report on enbys in the trans community, and subsequently finding what, the white stripe means, i still have trouble asking people who already know me to use they/them though,, (i still say she/her is fine even though it's kinda not)

5.) have you or do you plan on medically transitioning?

i do plan to get top surgery! and soon, hopefully!!! other than that, i eventually want a hysterectomy, but no hrt

6.) what’s something you’re most looking forward to in your transition (or something that was your favorite part of transitioning)?

no! boobs! i hate them!! and not having to wear extra layers (read: binder) in summerr

7.) do you have dyed hair?

sjsjsnd yea it's dark blue right now don't think /that's/ natural lmao i even have The Haircut (tm)

8.) who was the first person you came out to (or plan to come out to)?

i'm pretty sure it was my good friend henry!! i mean, he also basically told me i wasn't straight cause i wouldn't admit it :'>

9.) what’s your favorite season?

fall!! so many pretty colors and finally, appropiate weather for the jackets i wear year-round,

10.) have you ever been to pride?

yep! i went to pride for the first time in tacoma last year!! (plan to go to the seattle one this year)

11.) if you’re on hrt, what changes suprised you the most?

not on hrt!

12.) what gives you the most gender euphoria?

oh being called "sir" definitely, and a xloae second is when strangers use they/them to refer to me!

13.) do you have a specific piece of clothing thats especially gender affirming to you?

hmm i mean my binder obv but other than that, certain shirts when i bind? idk they just Do(tm)

14.) what’s your favorite trans joke or meme?

friend who is very comfortable in their identity: talks abt someone not realizing and being transphobic around them/other people not knowing how trans things work/etc.

(sarcasm) wow i can't believe you're really a cishet

15.) if you’ve had any gender affirming surgeries, how was your experience? what are the biggest positive effects?

not had surgery yet, but kaiser permanante has been great so far in working w me !!!

16.) do you have any piercings?

haha just one in each ear, and i basically never use those

17.) who’s your favorite trans character? or do you have any characters you headcanon as trans?

we stan lup from taz in this house

other than that, i hc a lot of characters as trans! e.x. bakugo, todoroki, and kirishima (bnha), snufkin (moomins), indrid and angus (taz), and like, a lot more,,

18.) what do you wish other people understood better about being trans?

just. it's okay to ask pronouns. god

better to ask than to assume

also use context clues, jesus (like if someone isn't out, they may switch to a diff name for some people. never use it unless they ask you to)

19.) top 5 fav songs?

bohemian rhapsody - queen

oi - carbon leaf

light in the hallway - ptx

ocean city - anthony ramos (this isn't anywhere but soundcloud but it's So Good???? go listen)

wait for it - hamilton soundtrack

20.) what advice would you give your younger self?

you can be more assertive about being trans, most people are good abt it and those who aren't can learn or fuck right off

21.) do you have any pets?

yep! my baby, friend

and my doggo, kody!

22.) do you find yourself fitting into gender roles, or consider yourself gender non-conforming?

def gnc!! i like to be androgynous, whixh usually means wearing masc clothes bc i still present fem, somehow,

23.) are you part of your schools gsa or any lgbt organizations?

nope! i prefer to make friends by just chatting, and they usually end up being non-cishwt anyhow lmao

24.) any trans role models?

not really tbh, i see a lot of people that i want to emulate, but i can't think of any in particular atm.

now that i think abt it though, my friend henry has been a sort of guiding light in figuring out, accepting, and then loudly proclaiming my identity, bc i've def come a long way since sophomore year! (if you're reading this, thank u henry)

25.) did you go through multiple gender identities before figuring out your gender now?

yep! i id'ed as genderflux very shortly, then demigirl for a long time, and finally nb/genderqueer!

26.) what makes you most proud to be part of the trans community?

it's so positive and uplifting!! i love that people are just, kind to others that's v nice

27.) favorite movie growing up?

princess bride was and is my favorite movie, but mulan was my fav disney movie and well, if that was someone's fav movie and they ended up cishet? i'd be surprised

28.) if you went by multiple names before deciding your current name, which was the first?

n/a

29.) do you have any pride merch or pride related tattoos?

i have a rainbow flag (handheld) on my bookshelf, and a genderqueer one behind my bed (big)! i also have a trans flag shawl that i made, pan flag converse, several pride shirts, and a pride hat! i'm not shy about letting everyone know i'm neither straight nor cis lmao

30.) if you experience dysphoria, what do you find helps you the most?

binding definitely helps! i get mild dysphoria wearing anything other than a binder or sports bra, and also on my period :/

31.) do you have any siblings, friends, or family who are also trans?

@dorkryptos is my friend and so is henry!! none of my family is though ):

32.) which gender roles or cis beliefs do you find most ridiculous?

nail polish is feminine?? deodorant and razors are gendered???? flowy things are feminine????? guys can't have style beyond Tux(tm)????????????????? fuck all that noise

35.) if cis people didn’t exist for a day, what would you do?

33.) how did you decide on your current name?

go out and make some new friends! ^^

34.) do you fit any trans stereotypes?

i have dyed hair and That haircut, i'm fairly short and afab, i mostly wear ""masc"" clothes, i'm in high school, etc. etc.

ahah, i didn't? but w ashe i wanted smthn with the same initial, old-timey, and connected to nature

only like, every single trans nb stereotype,

[artemissarrows]

Sweet Combat: Gender-bending, delightful, and queer-adjacent, but not actually queer 🥊🥊🥊

So aside from BTS, another K-pop/C-pop celebrity I love is Luhan, formerly of K-pop group EXO. (If you want to learn about why he left, I recommend the Contract Disputes episode of the podcast “Ask Me About Kpop,” I love digging into those details and such!) He’s now an independent artist/actor/general celebrity promoting in China.

Luhan stars alongside his real-life girlfriend Guan Xiaotong in Sweet Combat, a sweet rom-com centered around a school that trains women in MMA. Luhan’s character is the first male to attend and he ends up being trained by three seniors—including Guan who is the best fighter at the school--as a first-year. I really loved it and totally miss it now that I’ve binged through all of the episodes. Some mild spoilers, but nothing related to the last few episodes, and also this is a rom-com, it’s pretty easy to decipher who will end up with who after the first few episodes ^_^

This show has such a good heart, and celebrates gender diversity.

By and large, this show comes down on the right side of things: people should help each other, bullying is bad, manipulating people is bad, and celebrates chosen family. Luhan’s character is poor, has to take care of his two small siblings though he’s still only college-age himself, and has to work 2 jobs to support them while he’s in school. His friends all pitch in to help make sure he’s OK and his kids are OK when he has MMA practice and cook him food. It’s super sweet! We also see one character who starts off bullying Luhan begin to change for the better and understand that bullying people to hide your own insecurities isn’t the way to be truly strong.

It also does generally deviate from strict male/female gender norms, and appropriately punish characters who don’t approve of people crossing gender norms. That being said, it does all of those things within a decidedly heterosexual context, where actual queer relationships are seen as outside the bounds of “normal” society (ie, we don’t see any). If this were a real girls’ fighting school, I can guarantee you that there would be a LOT of queers there.

Fang Yu, the lead female character, was forced to be a boy before her brother was born by her grandfather. Grandpa’s also a sexist jerkwad, and we all see it.

Fang Yu comes from a wealthy family, and her parents died when she was very young (absent parents is definitely a theme here). Her family owns a big corporation, and her grandfather is extremely concerned with succession. To that end, he forced Fang Yu to wear boy’s clothes and to be a boy before her brother was born—and then made her switch back once her younger brother came into the family (Fang Zhou is one of my fave characters in the series!) When she came back to school as a girl, all of the other kids in school called her a monster, which deeply scarred her. She also recalls looking at girls’ clothes longingly and not being able to wear them.

This whole situation is super interesting to me, although I wish I knew more about the cultural context under which it operates. Grandpa is clearly so concerned with who’s going to take over the company, and it must be a boy—how could a girl be as good at business???? We really sympathize with Fang Yu and her desire to prove herself through her MMA. She’s better than most of the boys, and she knows it. It’s also an interesting twist on the enforcement of gender norms. Instead of forcing her to be ultra-girly or something like that, Grandpa forced her to be a boy—thereby show that he knows she can be good at business, but only through the performance of masculinity. Wow, dude’s got some issues.

There’s another rich kid and business partner of the Fang family who tries to woo Fang Yu, and he was one of the kids who called her a monster as a child, and still thinks she is one (he literally said so). I have to wonder if that’s connected to her prowess in MMA, which is less common as a pursuit for girls, stereotypically.

Luhan (uh, Ming Tian, I guess) exudes positive, non-heirarchical masculinity.

Luhan’s character is a really positive version of what masculinity can be, in strong juxtaposition to Fang Yu’s grandfather, who uses his power to abuse and bully others (bullying’s a strong theme here, which is cute). Luhan and his two little siblings’ parents are gone, but he is so tender toward the little ones and takes care of them so well. 

He’s perfectly content for three senior women to coach him in MMA. He’s also just a kind person who doesn’t want to hurt anyone, sees the best in others, and is extremely smart though people sometimes underestimate him. He turns into the senior women’s coaches as the show goes on, and excels in both his analytical approach to improving their skills, as well as that balance of supporting and pushing.

And he always considers Fang Yu his equal (if not his superior in martial arts!) and treats her as an equal co-partner in their relationship. He’s perfectly willing for his feelings to be squished on her behalf and I sometimes wished he would be more honest about his desires—although this *is* a rom-com so if everyone were honest about their feelings we’d have no more show. Anyway.

I find it so telling that folks were criticizing him for being too feminine after seeing the show trailers. Absolutely not, he’s an upstanding dude…..even if he occasionally wears his own Luhan Studio merch on the show, I can forgive him.

Fang Yu’s best friend is butch AF and she’s soooooo hot

Fang Yu’s best friend is Cheng Yanan, the head of the boxing club at their university and all-around badass. She’s also butch as hell, and everyone’s 100% accepting of it in the show. Literally no one says anything. This makes me incredibly happy! 

She’s not gay, though. There are straight butch women for sure—and her love interest is incredibly sweet and another character I really like—but that’s maybe a bit unrealistic. But there is a scene where a girl at her school writes her a love note after seeing her on a run which is played for laughs….but seriously, Yanan is the shit.

Ugh, stop.

Queer adjacent thing 1: absent parents and chosen families

This isn’t an exclusively queer things, but felt like it was getting close. There’s a distinct lack of two-parent families in this show—we actually don’t see any on screen at least. Everyone has at least one parent who is absent or deceased. Instead, the friends all rely on each other for support, childcare, and general camaraderie. It’s also a college age thing I suppose, but also feels like a queer thing. Queer young people learn to rely on one another when our families don’t accept us—or even if they do, we recognize and support members of our community.

Queer adjacent thing 2: Sun Hao buys a suit from a gay store

Sun Hao, the second male student in the MMA school after Luhan, accidentally buys a suit from a gay kink store—it’s very flamboyant and played for laughs. I’m a bit sad about that, but so it goes. Gender diversity is apparently OK but sexual diversity isn’t? Or also, it’s fine when women are butch because masculinity is better, but when men act femme they’re stepping down in the world so why would they do that. Sigh.

Hello, gay panic!

 Non-queer thing I also loved: Sun Hao and his mom

Sun Hao’s mom runs a noodle stall, and she and he have a really wonderful and close relationship—they talk all the time and support one another. It’s extra-cute and I love it.

My only gripes: anime-styling in live-action & copious Adidas product placement

This show is apparently based on a manhwa or Korean comic, and unfortunately it shows sometimes and not in a good way. The director can never decide whether to make the MMA realistic or whether its magical realism MMA/normal life + magic, and it switches back and forth between things that look very naturalistic and weird-looking SFX. There are also some characters who are a little too stereotypically anime-y (looking at you, Song Xiaomi!) But since these moments were occasional and not all the time, I could live with it.

Also they must have signed something that says that Luhan always has to wear something with the Adidas logo on it….because he literally always does. Okay, we get it.

But those are small potatoes. This show is great, go watch it for its cuteness, great character relationships, and enjoy that it’s reasonably progressive on gender stuff.

[reidspng]

REVIEW: Love, Simon

ok so i’ve seen love simon a grand total of 3 times so far and i wanted to get out all my thoughts on it in a sort of article style review thing?? so here we are! below the cut there will be a whole lot of spoilers, so if you haven’t read the book OR seen the movie, BIG SPOILER WARNING!! if you’ve read the book but not seen the movie, then it should be fine. mainly just warning because i talk about who blue is so! that’s a major spoiler. anyways, onward to me trying to formulate my opinions in a cohesive manner!

right off the bat, i want to clarify that i LOVE the movie, thus the reason i’ve seen it three times and will probably go and see it again if i have the chance (and definitely will get it on DVD, no question about it). however, just because i enjoyed it does not mean it’s without its faults, and it does have a few major things that i want to address. a LOT was changed from the book, some things being understandable for the purpose of keeping the story moving along, but others i took some issue with.

first of all, bram’s personality is changed almost entirely. in the book, bram is supposed to be a quiet, always off in his head english nerd who’s on the soccer team and sits with simon and his friends most days, even though simon doesn’t know him too well. he’s supposed to get especially quiet when simon is around because he gets flustered and overwhelmed due to his long-harbored crush. in the movie, they make him much more outgoing and confident, HIM being the one to throw the halloween party instead of nick. he also talks to simon more casually early on. he’s also obvious enough with mentioning the oreos that simon assumes he’s blue up until seeing him kissing a girl, which ALSO: DID NOT HAPPEN IN THE BOOK! bram had never kissed anyone before in the book and didn’t really get why simon had dated girls if he knew he was gay, so that’s not exactly consistent.

changing bram’s personality is one of the things i’m more ready to excuse though. it works for what the movie was trying to achieve. a big change that i did NOT appreciate that much was making it so leah was in love with simon rather than nick. while i understand that this was done in part to manufacture a more dramatic conflict following simon being outed, it just wasn’t something that i really appreciated. i wish they’d kept that, made it work with her getting mad at simon for telling nick to take her out when he knew nick liked abby (which would still have been painful). related to this, the line where leah says “but you thinking i was in love with nick set me up to get my heart broken, and that’s just cruel” really bugged me. how was him being oblivious cruel? It kind of implies that he did it with the intention of hurting her. he literally didn’t realize leah felt that way about him, so it’s really not his fault that he made that mistake, at least in my opinion. I did appreciate that they kind of lessened how angry she was with him over telling abby first, because that was something from the book that i felt was a really “make your coming out all about me” sort of thing. not a favorite of mine.

a related subject: simon’s outing. when he gets outed in the movie, his friends are all very concerned at first, sending texts and calling him. but THEN, the first time they see him in person after it all goes down, they are ONLY angry at him. now i understand being angry, he was playing with their lives and hearts (which i’ll talk about again later) after all, i don’t find the extent to which they were mad justifiable. they literally ignored the fact he said he was being blackmailed, didn’t care about what martin had done AT ALL. they literally never say anything about it, which frustrated me. even if they were understandably angry, you’d think they’d have the decency to step back and think ‘he was being forced into doing something that he didn’t want to do.’ it’s never acknowledged later. there’s never anything with them apologizing to simon for cutting him off after already going through something as terrifying as being outed. (i was outed publicly to my school as well. i don’t know what i would have done had i not had my friends with me through that.) it all left a sour taste it my mouth.

i understand why they made it so that martin actually posted the screenshots in the movie. they wanted to make it so bram would get scared off so simon would have no way of contacting him, exaggerating the feeling of isolation and helplessness (which ties into the whole ferris wheel simile use at the start by blue), and then ending in a big dramatic conclusion. i feel like it was also in part to avoid the awkward mess that is the end of simon vs., which while it works in the book in showing how messy teen romance is, it wouldn’t flow well in the movie narrative. (i missed the whole elliott smith shirt thing, but i did notice they actually had simon wearing the figure 8 shirt during that one scene where he was walking down the halls and noticing all the game of thrones shirts! so at least it wasn’t totally forgotten, even though it’s not a gift from bram.) what i wish they hadn’t done though, was make it into such a public thing. the conclusion essentially becomes simon pressuring bram into revealing himself, since obviously bram wouldn’t want simon to embarrass himself up there in public. i definitely preferred the whole private tilt-a-whirl thing from the book.

other than that, i REALLY enjoyed how they did martin’s character, although i wish they hadn’t had him mention his brother being gay right at the start. it really solidified that he’s a really nerdy guy, the kind that’s also an outsider, but that even that sort of person can be an antagonist. i’d had a hard time visualizing his character in the book so this really helped solidify it for me. the whole homecoming thing was a scene i BARELY got through because of secondhand embarrassment but i understand that they did that rather than just having abby reject him privately in order to make it more dramatic. it also ties into him later running up when simon runs out of tickets (which was a really interesting way to address simon’s brief consideration that blue was martin from the book lmao) because he understands what being publicly humiliated is like.

some things they left out that i missed where the whole trip to the gay bar, the fact they changed it so that he wasn’t a dementor for halloween, ALICE?? (i do get that casting is expensive though and adding the other sister would add more time to the plot), the english class (and sofa!!), and the whole oreo grocery store date at the end (which i do understand was cut for the sake of time and making the narrative flow). i found it funny how they changed the show from oliver to cabaret (especially because within my own school’s drama department there was a HUGE push from a bunch of students for us to do cabaret for our musical but administration shut us down because it was inappropriate), but it wasn’t a huge deal. Some little things i took note of were how simon’s bulletin board had a hamilton playbill, hufflepuff patch ( i own the exact one which is pinned to MY board??), and a spiderman pin, plus all the adventure time merch around and the two empty oreo containers stacked on his desk. while they didn’t keep the email the same, they wrote “hour to hour note to note” on the chalkboard wall behind his bed. someone also wrote “think” above his head which i actually read as “twink” the first time i noticed it. ethan was an interesting addition and i definitely understand that they did that in order to slip in another perspective for all of the non-lgbt people in the audience. same goes for the parent scenes. the whole simon-not-being-blond thing was forgivable, same thing with the glasses (although i missed the harry potter joke opportunities :\\) but personally, keiynan lonsdale was PERFECT as bram. like i loved him so much and couldn’t see bram as anyone else to be honest. (and had they kept bram’s personality the same as the book i think he could have still pulled it off great)

the soundtrack was incredible, like as a music lover i ADORE it and have been listening to it nonstop. some of the acting of the younger people was iffy in places but otherwise was REALLY GREAT and emotional and i cried during the dad scene post-coming out. I could really relate to simon a LOT and feel his helplessness when he was outed. even with the things that were changed that i wasn’t too fond of, the movie was awesome and i definitely recommend seeing it if you haven’t already!

[eldritchsurveys]

o67.

Have you ever talked to someone online, but when you saw each other in person, it was just super awkward? Have you ever made a really good friend online? >> Nah to the first question. But yes, at this point all my friends are people I’ve met online.

Do you enter sweepstakes or scratch lottery tickets or anything like that? What’s the best thing you’ve ever won? >> I’ve done scratch tickets, but usually because someone bought them for a group or something (like Hallie’s mom buying them for all of us way back when, or Sparrow’s mom doing the same thing at holiday dinners).

Right now, would you be upset if you got pregnant, or would you not mind? Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? >> I would definitely be upset if I was pregnant, because first of all, how did I even get that way... and second of all, I have zero desire to ever carry a child and I also have zero desire to have multiple abortions done, so... yeah. I have had a pregnancy scare, and it was founded, so.

Have you ever let someone be your everything? >> I don’t know, really. I don’t think I’ve ever thought of anyone by that exact terminology. It’s just not my attachment style, but it doesn’t mean I don’t still love people in my own way.

Do you have any weird inside jokes? >> All my best weird inside jokes are with Hallie, lmao. We’re just good at it. ;p

Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? >> Yeah.

Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? >> Nope.

Do you have alcohol in your house? >> Yeah, there’s a wine in the fridge and I have a Backwoods Bastard and some Malört on my desk and we still have about half a bottle of Svedka mango-pineapple vodka left. Oh, and I still have a screwdriver in the fridge because I made it and then didn’t actually want it, lmao, so I just shoved it in there.

Have you ever wanted something you couldn’t have? >> Sure, a lot of things (mostly because I couldn’t afford them).

Are you a morning or night person? >> I don’t think my personhood is adequately described like that.

What is your favorite color? >> Gold.

It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? >> A wrong number, I’d presume.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? >> ---

Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? >> I don’t think so, but I’ve probably gotten midnight texts.

Are any of your friends virgins? >> Not that I’m aware of.

Do you prefer relationships or friends with benefits? >> I mean, either is fine in general, but what I have right now are relationships and I’m happy enough with those.

Has anyone got on your nerves today? >> Nope. Just that one neighbour who keeps playing their music with the bass cranked up to 11 so that I can feel it vibrating through the building and my SKULL. It’s so distracting and overwhelming.

Has anyone told you they would never leave, and left? >> Probably, but I don’t hold that against anyone.

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? >> I don’t think I could possibly tell anyone everything, like, I know I take this question too literally but I can’t really imagine how else I’m supposed to take it.

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? >> Can Calah, and Hallie through text.

Are you usually early or late? >> I mean, to what...?

What’s annoying you? >> Nothing.

How is your boyfriend/girlfriend doing and where are they now? >> Hallie is hopefully doing okay, he’s offline right now I think, doing some self-care I hope. <3 Sparrow is all right and she’s in bed. Can Calah is as he always is, being my copilot.

Do you have anything to pay off? >> No.

What are you wearing right now? >> Green and white harem pants and a grey Rush shirt.

Do you know anyone that wants you dead? >> I don’t think so.

Do you believe that regrets are lessons learned? >> I personally prefer to take that philosophy in general, but I understand it doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone. I also don’t usually regret things -- I can’t even think of anything I really regret right now -- so it’s probably easier in my case.

Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them? >> Sparrow, in person, before she went to bed.

First color name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow. >> Grey.

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? >> Normandy, my laptop; Senketsu, my phone; and a PSP Vita.

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? >> We have an Xbox 360, a PS4, a PS2, and the aforementioned PSP Vita.

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? >> Selling merch for local bands.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? >> Working in a family restaurant as a teenager.

What email service do you use? >> Gmail.

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? >> Yeah, an Odin print and a poster from the Rebirth Brass Band show I went to last month.

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? >> Sitting on the kitchen floor at a dog breeder’s house.

What did you have for dinner yesterday? >> Was last night when we had the Burger King...? I think so. Time is fake, leave me alone.

How often do you brush your teeth? >> Once a day.

What’s your favorite candy/chocolate? >> Dark chocolate with sea salt and chili peppers (pop rocks optional).

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? >> Yeah, my main blog is foundcarcosa and I have a few other sideblogs, and my RP blogs that I keep neglecting.

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? >> Right now? Whatever I could grab, I guess...

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? >> Oh man.... so many, tbh.

What kind of position are you in at the moment? >> A seated one.

Do you wear much jewelry? >> Not much, because I can’t afford the kind I’d like to wear (I like costume jewellery but it’s fragile and makes my skin wig out sometimes, so I prefer not to wear it no matter how cool it looks).

Furthest away from home you have ever been? >> The farthest distance I’ve travelled in general is probably to/from NYC/Colorado.

How many times have you moved houses? >> Enough times that counting is just not something I feel like doing right now.

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? >> Some woman from a place around here. I was really hoping there wouldn’t have to be a phone call, I just wanted one little piece of information, but urgh.

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? >> ---

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? >> Yes, all my SOs. ~

Who was the last person to comfort you as you cried? >> Can Calah.

Do your computer speakers work? >> Yeah.

Which friend are you most similar to? >> ---

Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you say? >> What ex? The only ex I’m even still friends with is Anubis, and I think he has my number but I don’t see why he’d be calling me -- like, we don’t even live in the same state anymore.

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you? >> That’s... Phoenix, I guess? And no, forget it. He had his chances.

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? >> I seem to remember a Matthew. Long, long time ago.

Would you kiss the last person who texted you, on the lips? >> The last person that texted me was Sparrow, so sure.

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? >> Either is fine.

Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name starts with P, J, R, M, C, or D? >> Yes to all.

Is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now? >> Sure.

Do you think your ex will ever want to be with you again? >> There was only one ex who even still mattered enough for this question, and he’s not an ex anymore now, so!!!

Where would you rather live: England or Australia? >> England, I guess.

What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? >> Sparrow is my fiancée.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? >> I don’t remember, probably something hygiene-related.

Do you fall for people easily? >> I don’t think so, no.

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? >> I mean, I guess in a passing sense, maybe sometimes? Like if they come up in a survey or something I’m obviously going to think about them in passing.

Have you ever kissed someone who was drunk? >> Sure.

The nearest window to you now - what color curtains are on them? >> No curtains, just some busted-up blinds. :|

The shade of the color of your eyes can be described as: >> Dark brown.

When was the last time you drank alcohol? >> Earlier today, I had a beer at the Wayland house.

At what age did you stop believing in Santa? >> I never did.

Do you own a wok? >> No.

Is there a particular type of music you really don’t like? >> I’m not crazy about bluegrass, but I keep an open mind.

Do you like going to weddings? >> I don’t know, I’ve never been to an actual one.

What do you have on your toast? >> I haven’t had toast in ages, but I usually put ghee and cinnamon on it. Sometimes jelly, too.

Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? >> *shrug*

Beach, city, or mountains? >> Yes.

Do you have a stapler at your house? >> No.

Would you rather read a book or listen to an audiobook? >> Read, I can’t focus on audiobooks at all.

Which is larger - your book or dvd collection? >> I don’t have a DVD collection, I literally own ONE DVD, so books win by default.

What is the last spontaneous thing you did? >> I don’t remember.

You get a call at 2:00 a.m. - your first thought is: >> My first thought is supreme annoyance.

What is your middle name? >> Frey.

What are you passionate about? >> Storytelling, my special interests, music.

Do you have any fears? >> Yeah, I developed a kind of delusion-based thanatophobia that I guess I deserve considering all the tripping I’ve done, but I really wish I didn’t have it. I was so much better off without it.

Where are you from? >> I don’t know, space?

What’s your sign? >> Gemini Sun.

Future names of your children: >> ---

What are you listening to right now? >> Nothing.

Do you believe in fate/destiny? >> I suppose I do, but I also try not to put all my eggs in that basket because adhering too strongly to one belief regarding existential matters tends to tip me into delusion more than anything else.

What are your career goals? >> ---

Something you are working on right now: >> Being a ‘good’ (helpful, kind) SO, managing the anxiety from the thanatophobia stuff, watching all my shows on Netflix lol.

Have you ever had a near-death experience? >> Yeah.

Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? >> I tend to procrastinate, but sometimes my executive function pulls through.

TV shows and anime you watch regularly. >> Grey’s Anatomy, Preacher, Vikings, some other stuff more intermittently.

Halloween costume idea for this year? >> ---

Your best friend’s name? >> ---

Do you prefer liquid, mousse, or powder foundation? Why? >> I don’t wear it.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? >> Nothing. She doesn’t know me, period.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? >> Sure.

Do you worry about gaining weight? >> No.

Have you ever used fake tan? >> No.

Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? >> No.

How many times have you been to Walmart in the past week? >> None.

Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? >> Apartment.

Are you kind of a loner? Do you like being alone? >> I don’t think I’m a loner, per se. I like being around people and I like to socialise. I just have low social energy in comparison to other people, so I need more recharges.

Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names? >> I don’t know.

Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you don’t like? >> No.

What color are the walls in the room you’re in right now? >> Off-white.

Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? >> I mean, I’m 31 years old, I probably do a lot of things my parent disapproves of by now.

Do you have any siblings who still believe in Santa, and are over age ten? >> No.

What color were the last pair of headphones/earphones you bought? >> Navy blue.

Are you attracted to the last person that you fell in love with? >> Yes.

Something you really want right now? >> This survey to be over, ngl, I want to go do something else now lol.

If you could seek revenge on someone, would you? >> No.

How long have you liked the person you like? >> I don’t feel like doing time-math right now, forgive me. It’s late and I drank my sleepytime tea already, lol.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? >> No.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? >> Yes? Now?

Are you happy with the way things are going? >> More or less.

Would you ever get a tattoo? >> Sure.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? >> Relationships, yes.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? >> Sparrow.

What plans do you have for tomorrow? >> Nothing unusual, just... same stuff I do every day, I imagine.

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? >> No.

What happened at 9:00 a.m. today? >> I think I was still in bed.

Where are your biological parents? >> My father’s in Elizabeth, New Jersey, and who the fuck knows where my mother is.

Do you have any summer plans yet? >> It is summer. No special summer-related plans.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? >> I don’t think so, but maybe someone else would think so.

What did you last drink? >> Sleepytime tea.

Do you have trust issues? >> I don’t think so.

Do you think this year will be better than the last? >> It’s been good so far.

What are you doing? >> This.

Are you a jealous person? >> No.

Do you think age matters in relationships? >> Sure, in some cases.

Who is the last person you rode in a car with? >> Sparrow.

Did you sing at all today? >> Nope.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? >> In bed, hopefully asleep.

Are your lips chapped at the moment? >> A little dry, is all.

[brianna-lei]

Anonymous Butterfly Soup asks, batch 6

IT’S RIGHT NEXT TO THE BIG TOBLERONE I’M ALIVE

Being covered by a big gaming news site was one of my fantasies, so I’m elated this happened. The article is here, for anyone curious! 

More asks under the cut!! 

A note before I start -- if you submitted a bug, I saw it!! Thank you for reporting them!

Yes, she did! Her Facebook profile pic is her posing in front of a store at the mall, and you can see Jun’s reflection taking the pic in the store window

Akarsha didn’t realize, but Noelle totally heard it. Noelle kind of had a sense of what was up already, but actually hearing it worried her. She was debating whether or not to intervene when Min showed up. 

On a small note, Min trying to cheer Akarsha up slightly improved Noelle’s opinion of Min (even though Min and Akarsha almost end up fist fighting again afterward).  

Min plays video games too, imagine them playing Team Fortress 2 and later Overwatch together... Diya, Min, and Noelle have all seen some basic anime like Pokemon, Digimon, and Yugioh, but Akarsha’s the only real hardcore anime fan. I’m glad she met “Sakura”, “Yuki”, and Ester through the baseball club, because now she has weeb friends to talk about that stuff too. 

(Ester is less obvious about liking anime than “Sakura” and “Yuki”, but you can still tell by her outfit’s style. Lowkey but not lowkey enough)

I can totally relate to all of them, but I’d say Diya!

Yes, they grow close over the course of the year and Noelle has to try really hard not to cry LMAO They still keep in touch afterward. 

Yep, they both feel this huge gulf between themselves and their parents due to cultural differences. Many Asian immigrant parents are extremely conservative so it feels like they’re on a completely different wavelength from you, and at the same time they have complete power over you. It’s kind of a bad feeling.  

...Also, shadowing their faces saved me the work of drawing their different facial expressions. 

Min was actually out of town when the fire happened, so Diya had to call her and tell her what happened :( Diya (and eventually Min) sleeps on Noelle’s couch for a bit. Noelle and Akarsha aren’t living together at the time and Noelle has the nicer/cleaner apartment  

It sounds really miserable, but they’re ok in the end

Noelle's passion is math and science, so she definitely ends up doing something in STEM that she likes, just not what her parents were expecting. Akarsha is similar and becomes a software engineer -- They’re actually both naturally interested in those subjects, which says a lot about how bad the parental pressure really is.  

I like to think Diya and Min actually manage to break into minor league baseball and eventually MLB

Most of my outfit inspiration comes from my tumblr/twitter feeds. I wish I could recommend you fashion blogs, but I’m not following any?! They’re all just fandom mutuals who randomly reblog cool clothes sometimes. 

I used to have trouble deciding what clothes characters should wear, so every time I see an image of a cool outfit I save it for reference. After doing this since high school I now have...uh...

And those are just the unorganized ones, the ones i have in folders are like...

Now if I’m stumped for what a character should wear, I just browse these massive folders for inspiration. I can actually pinpoint the omocat jacket that gave me the idea for Min’s:

I thought, “it should be a warning: high voltage sign on the back!”, and then I just went on Google images and looked them up. 

Sorry if this isn’t helpful! 

I don’t think Min really minds, but The Squad is even better! Deke squad

Yeah, Akarsha’s parents wouldn’t approve either. Out of the main four, Diya is actually the only one whose parents are fine with it 

Ooh thank you this is an awesome compliment to receive!! 

I REALLY want to make merch some day! I’ve never made physical merch before and I’m a bit intimidated not knowing where to start/how to handle shipping, so it may take a while, though :( 

I didn’t give anyone last names and I doubt I ever will, sorry! Feel free to give them your own if you want 

This was intentional, but at the same time I can’t believe everyone IMMEDIATELY noticed. You guys are so in tune with 4/20

Diya and Akarsha are Indian, Min-seo is Korean, Noelle is Taiwanese, Chryssa is black, Liz is…mostly Irish, I think? “Sakura” is Pakistani, “Yuki” is Filipino. I’ve heard a lot of guesses for Ester, but she’s half black and half Chinese!

i got u son!!

Thank you, I really love hearing this because the feeling that this narrative was missing was what made me want to make this game in the first place! 

you might feel a bit more sympathetic to min when you reach her part of the story! Your mileage may vary, though

If you want to make a game like Butterfly Soup, try the program Renpy! It doesn’t require programming experience to use and there’s a lot of guides online on how to use it.  My NUMBER ONE BIG ADVICE IS MAKE A REALLY, REALLY SMALL GAME FIRST. My first game, Pom Gets Wi-Fi, was only 30-45 minutes long. If you make it any bigger than that, you almost guaranteed will never finish it. The dream game that you want to make is probably longer than that, so don’t make your dream game first! That’s kind of why I was so alarmed when Pom Gets Wi-Fi took off -- I’m very proud of that game and still love it, but it was like my test for the games I dreamed of making like Butterfly Soup. (Also, 17 is a great age to start making games, good for you!) Other stuff I’ve learned:  Programming: I mostly learned super specific things that can’t be easily applied to other situations. If you want to know how I did a specific thing in Renpy, message me! 

Writing: If you’re struggling to write something, it might be for a good reason. Maybe the scene is unnecessary or boring, your mental image of the scene doesn’t translate well to the format of your work, or the character motivations aren’t convincing enough. Deleting a scene altogether isn’t defeat, sometimes it’s the best path forward! Give up more! 

Artwise: Drawing for non-pixel art games takes FOREVER. The sheer amount of time it’d take to draw all the characters and backgrounds was so demoralizing that I found myself procrastinating because I didn’t want to tackle it. Not only did I have a large cast of characters (9 in the baseball club alone), but because of flashbacks, I had to draw half of them again as kids!

To anyone thinking about making a game by themselves, SERIOUSLY consider making it a pixel art game. If you’re that set on making a non-pixel art game, SEVERELY limit the number of characters and backgrounds you have to draw!! I’m begging u...learn from my mistakes... 

You’re welcome!!! :> 

I loved USC! The Interactive Media major was cool and fun -- I met a lot of good friends through the program! It was probably the best few years of my life. 

Unfortunately...I felt like it did nothing to prepare me for finding a job. There are very few classes for aspiring game artists and game writers. There wasn’t a single professor who worked as an artist at a triple A studio while I was there, and only one who was a major writer. I get that you gotta be self motivated, but I wish I had someone in the faculty I felt comfortable discussing my career path with. Some of the professors had clear favorite students and if you weren’t one of them, they’d make very little effort to reach out to you or interact with you. I know I'm introverted, but I never got this feeling with my general elective classes -- I had plenty of chances to talk to my writing professor, architecture lab professor, art teacher, etc., yet I came out of a lot of my Interactive Media classes wondering if my professors even remembered me.  

If you want to be a game designer or maybe a writer, and are really focused/outgoing with your professors, it could be the major for you, but if you want to be a game artist I’m not sure it’s the best place to be. 

I was actually crazy stressed out when it came out, so nope! It’s happening this weekend  

I was super nervous right after it came out because I was worried people wouldn’t like it! I put a lot into it, and actually teared up writing parts of it, so it was a ridiculous relief to see that people were touched by it. I’m really happy now and really want to make a sequel.  Also, I’m beyond grateful to my friends/mutuals/fans spreading the word and tweeting/posting about the game and making fancontent ;~; I really owe everything to them!  A few people wondered about how I was holding up attention-wise, and actually...as a fanartist I sort of thrive on this, haha. Also, this is much less intense than when I released Pom Gets Wi-Fi. For perspective, it took Butterfly Soup a week to reach the number of downloads Pom got in one day. 

Good!!! You’re welcome! 

you’re welcome!!! 

[writehoodie-blog]

Some Sim Relater Tag or Other

I was tagged by @lovelychooser​ aka my mom that supports me in everything I do (thank you my love). 

1. What’s your favorite sims death? Awh, I hate watching my sims die because they’re my babies but I’d have to say dying from embarrassment because...relatable. 

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Well, I was strictly maxis match but I gotta say I’m starting to love alpha. So, right now a mix?

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Ok, I don’t know why but this is not an issue for me. My sims just do not gain weight, but if they did I would probably be fine with it. I mean, more to love, right?

4. Do you use move objects? Absolutely. 

5. Favorite mod? Wicked Whims  lmfao just kidding. For storytelling for sure the teleport mod for saving my ass but for gameplay I love MC Command Center. It makes things so much more unpredictable and exciting. 

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?  I first played the base game sims 2 when I was about seven, so yeah! 

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? Wow, I’ve never thought about this before o.O I always said it as (a)live mode. 

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? Hmmm that’s hard, not because I’m amazing at CAS or anything just because I grow so much attachment to all of my sims for different reasons. Right now, I’m really feeling Dakota or Sebastian. 

9. Have you made a simself? Never made one. Mostly because I don’t think I’m self aware enough to make an accurate looking one lmao. 

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? Probably gloomy, ambitious, glutton. 

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Ooh, I really like the gray one hahahah. 

12. Favorite EA hair? Definitely that base game one that’s like long with the strands from the middle coming through on the shoulders. Like the one with the layers. You have no idea what I’m talking about. Found it (Val’s old hair)!

13. Favorite life stage? Teen for sure. I love how they get all these new interactions/responsibilities but they have the dreams of a kid (wow art imitates life lmao). 

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? HA! I suck at building so yea definitely gameplay.

15. Are you a CC creator? I hope to be one day. The task just looks very daunting. 

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? I honestly don’t think I’ve been here long enough. Two week anniversary just past (woot woot). But maybe someday if I’m lucky!

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) Ahhh! I like them all for different reasons except for ts1 don’t shoot me I was just born when it came out. Sims 2 for the music and nostalgia. Sims 3 for the simblr realism (holy cow) and all the countless machinima shows I watched!! Sims 4 for how user friendly it is, the emotions, and how friendly it is on my wallet ($). 

18. Do you have any sims merch? Nah, I wish, but I probably only ever be nerdy and wear it when I’m editing (we all know I need a cape if I’m going to tackle the challenge that it is lawl)

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? Ha, yes! It’s only got one video though. I plan on expanding it once I get my blog going. 

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? Bruh, I’ve been here like 2 days (but I’ve really grown to liking really long faces on my sims, that might be my thing?) 

21. What’s your Origin ID? writehoodie!! 

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? Gosh, I like a lot of them. I’d say @bonehlda not only for the username but also because her content is just so trendy. 

23. How long have you had a simblr? Technically 22 days but I didn’t start posting until about 17 days or so ago. 

24. How do you edit your pictures? With tears! (and photoshop) 

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? Honestly, I’d love something that we’ve never had before in any other of the generations. Right now, I feel like we’re on a constant loop of repeating things from TS3 and TS2. 

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? Get Together for sure. At first I hated it because I thought it sounded dumb just to have places to hangout but there’s so much more to it! It gives my sims lots of things to do and I love making little social groups. 

Ahh! Sorry if you’ve already done this but I’m just going to tag some lovelies. Also, if you’re not tagged and would like to do this, consider yourself tagged baby!  @neutralsupply @nicotinc @femmesim @peonypyxels @blackthornsims @something-wicked-sims

[hoodiesblog-blog]

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The Most Beautiful Moment In Life: #BTSxCitiField

Wow. I’m home back from New York, where I had the amazing gift of being able to see BTS live on their Love Yourself world tour. I’m literally out of words to describe it, but I’ll try.

I saw in someone’s post about seeing them on the Wings tour that they were sad for a week after and I thought to myself, “it’s just a concert! How the heck would that happen?”

...and here I am, having cried a bunch of times in the last two days (though none of them actually during the concert, there was too much adrenaline), now I am living it.  I really feel it in my body. I’m exhausted. My voice is destroyed from so much cheering and fan-chanting. But I’m also sort of happy about that, because it’s a marker of having gone through that experience and I want to hold onto that. I was off work Monday and spent the entire day at my house watching Bon Voyage and Run episodes (didn’t realize they were only 20 minutes!!) to console myself.

I’m sad the concert’s over, and I’m also sad that the Love Yourself era is also basically over too, some additional concert dates notwithstanding. This era really encapsulates everything I love about BTS: their positive message, their incredible songwriting and producing and music in general, and their growth as artists. I have complete faith in our boys that whatever comes next will be fantastic and that they’ll keep growing, I just desperately hope this isn’t their peak. But regardless, I’m glad I got to see this show because it felt like such a special one—their first sold-out North America stadium show. And it seems like BTS felt like it was special as well.

I’m also feeling intense love, because love is at the heart of it all. BTS’ love for ARMY and their earnest and sincere desire that we love ourselves, and be our best selves (see: Magic Shop, etc). And ARMY’s love and deep appreciation for BTS seeing us and our struggles, and believing in our ability to succeed. I was a little leery of calling myself an ARMY before this concert, mostly because of ARMY’s reputation on the internet as being kind of a crazy and intense fandom, but I fully embrace ARMY-dom now, because I understand that it’s really all about love.

So to recap, I’m going to do some best-ofs and link to Twitter and Insta pictures and videos. My phone camera is the literal worst, which is why I unfortunately don’t have any of my own!

Best deep thought: RM, our leader, always and forever. Sometimes I forget that he’s a literal genius because he’s also so derpy and cute, and then it’s moments like this that I re-remember that he does absolutely nothing related to their music or public presentation by accident or without forethought.

Via @mimibtsghost

He—and all of them, really—understand so well their role in our lives and our role in theirs. ARMY loves BTS, and BTS loves all of us so much, and truly wants us all to be happy and to live our best and whole selves. RM literally said this in his UN speech (which he also mentioned). When he says Speak Yourself, I think what he means is a combination of “Tell your story,” “Speak out,” and “Speak your truth.”

Best bias wreck: Jimin

Now I’m one of those people who legit loves all the members almost the same (except for Jin, I don’t love him quite as much) and my biases are Suga and V, but only by a little. But oh my goodness, Jimin was such a bias-wrecker in this concert. His solo set was ridiculous, he was wearing this beautiful sparkly top and did his amazing lyrical dance moves. So many eyebrow quirks and hearts. I’m completely dead. The friend I was with is a Jimin stan, and I think they were like, “how did it take you this long???” I now have three coequal biases. Here’s a good one, and this cutie pic.

Best corny-yet-adorable moments: J-Hope and V

J-hope’s Trivia: Just Dance stage was J-Hope being a major hype-man for the entire concert. And oh man, did it work. He’s such an exuberant live performer and the perfect choice for the second song. That white suit?? And his joy and enthusiasm is completely infectious. Hope World was my favorite of the three rappers’ mixtapes, and I was happy that his Trivia song was very much in that style, lots of old-school rap vibes. His joy is just so pure.

Also, Taehyung’s sign-off for ARMY at the end of the show: “You are the brighest stars in my universe.” Corny, but sweet and touching; also poetic because the ARMY bombs really do look like stars to the performers on stage, and we are orbiting around them, pulled into their gravity. Ah, V, so poetical as always <3

Unexpected song I liked live: Epiphany

Jin’s not my favorite member (see above), and I’m honestly a bit mystified by why people seem to like him so, so much. I’m also not a lover of ballads, usually, and the Epiphany video was fine but not one of my favorites. But I really liked this song live, way more than I was expecting to. Jin does have a really great voice, and it’s a bit less breathy than Jungkook’s in particular (still love you, Jungkook, you also sound great live!) He really gave a powerful vocal performance, and I’m going to put Epiphany back in my listening rotation…..after I listen to Suga’s I Need You x Seesaw remix another 15 times, sorrynotsorry.

Best gay/ship moments: Vkook, Suga

Vkook showed up again at this concert in force! One moment I saw myself, one I missed and found later on Twitter.

1) Tae hopped onto Jungkook’s back for a piggyback ride. It was super-brief but I know it happened because I distinctly remember thinking, “huh, usually Tae hops on Jungkook’s back, but Jungkook hopped on Tae’s this time. Interesting!” Turns out I was wrong and Tae hopped onto Jungkook as usual! Here’s a still, via @harchu2

2) Apparently, Tae also gave Jungkook a little kiss and/or nuzzle on the neck at the end. I completely missed this myself, but hey, it’s there on the video. Vkook, you’re being so loud <3

Suga’s Seesaw performance also pinged my gaydar in a major way, I’m not even sure why myself. He started off lying on this white couch. And he’s just so sassy. And this sparkly red top with a sash that he was wearing. Suga, you’re the best. Here’s a really nice pic, via @maggiejslg + Seesaw clip

Best PSA: RM

Three separate times, RM said that we shouldn’t shove one another for our safety. Our boys are so considerate and want everyone to have a good time!

Most impressive stunts: V, Suga

V’s Singularity set was fcking amazing. He’s really the most stellar performer, such a true artist. It seems positively unbelievable that he’s only 22 (what the heck was I doing when I was 22??). His little video before his solo stage (all members had them) was him surrounded by dark flowers and a pane of glass that frosted over. The hand-in-the-coat dance, and his backup dancers with masks that moved with him…the visuals of his set were stunning, and his singing was really stellar live (well, truly, everyone’s was). Here’s a clip.

In Suga’s Seesaw performance, he did this slick little stunt where he slid down a lit white long prop bar, like a seesaw. It looked really cool. I love the song Seesaw, it really shows how versatile Suga is, and his performance was a giant f-you to everyone who thinks he can’t sing or dance.

Best surprise songs: Dope and So What

Dope has always been one of my favorite songs. It’s so clearly and lovingly descended from 90’s American boy band stuff, but updated and, frankly, better. It’s got the killer hook and the great dancing, and is almost always the first video I show someone when I’m trying to explain why I love this K-pop band so much. I thought there was next to no chance of their playing it, but they did!!! I can die happy now. It was part of the medley in the middle, including Boyz With Fun, Attack On Bangtan, Fire, Bapsae (another one I was thrilled to hear), and Dope.

So What is also lowkey my favorite LYS: Tear track (though like the members, really only by a little on what’s a phenomenal album overall). I knew there wasn’t a dance for it so I didn’t think they’d play it, and was so, so thrilled when they did! It was like having a huge party with BTS and ARMY at the end of the show.

Best emotional vulnerability moment: Jimin

Jimin did some excellent crying at the end of the show, when they all came out in black t-shirts and addressed ARMY directly. Oh my goodness, it was so cute and sweet. They’ve really come so far; Yoongi tends to respond through bravado and celebrating their accomplishments, and Jimin cries. I just love so much that he’s modeling being emotional and vulnerable, and everyone just wants to give him a big ol’ hug.

Such beautiful crying.

Best Jungkook moment: End filming

At the very end of the concert, right as they were about to sink down into the floor, Jungkook grabbed a camera and started filming ARMY. I was just like, “wow, they want to remember this night just as much as we want to.”

Favorite fanchant: DNA

There were so many fun fanchant moments. My only regret is that I didn’t learn the words to Seesaw better (@StanningBTSpod, you did warn me, I should have!) But DNA has the name bit at the beginning, and BTS! BTS! BTS! in the chorus, it was just super fun. Toward the end of the concert honestly there was so much screaming and such that it was hard to even hear the fanchants. That was fine too! 

Happy me success moments 

Met the wonderful @daftlolita waiting in line to get into the venue, it was super great to hang out! 

I made this jacket, and got a bunch of compliments! My entire goal was to find other queer ARMYs and I think I pretty much succeeded. 

I also gave out most of the pins I made (made a bunch of extra ones precisely for that purpose). I don’t love Twitter that much and much prefer interacting with people in person, and generally feel like I succeeded on that front.

I kinda wish I’d gotten at least a little merch, but honestly the ticket was expensive enough. I also kinda wanted an ARMY bomb, but also, see ticket price. I tried to go to the BT21 store in Times Square on Sunday before I left and it was an hour wait so….no go on that one, I’ll get back to New York soon though.

At the end of it all, I cannot tell you how indescribably proud I am to call myself an ARMY. Although our fandom has its flaws for sure because we live in a broken world, to me, being an ARMY means co-creating a better world with BTS. A happier world.

A world where we love ourselves.

A world where there’s no stigma attached to mental illness and we can ask for the help we need

Where we take care of one another and are mindful of others (no shoving!!)

Where we celebrate and embrace difference

Where all young people have the resources they need to thrive

And where people of all races, genders, and ranges of life experience come together to express joy. I’m tearing up again as I write this.

Arundhati Roy has this beautiful quote that I’ve seen around activist spaces. It goes, “Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.”

I saw a small glimpse of that world at #BTSCitiField. Janelle Monae will lead us through the narrow places into that world. Or, as BTS have it, from the desert to the ocean. And BTS will be there to make sure we drink enough water and are good to one another while we’re moving forward.

Suga, you said you’d be back. I’ll hold you to that promise.

And please, wear that red sparkly top again. It was absolutely killer. I purple all of you beautiful, special, luminous men who are making our world better, one song at a time.