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#which made me realise that there's no way back
maplesyrupsainz · 2 days
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˖⁺。˚⋆˙op(rincess)81 | OP81˖⁺。˚⋆˙
pairing: oscar piastri x princess!reader y/n (she/her)
genre: social media au
warnings: just fluff, idk anything abt royal families i have taken many many liberties so please forgive
summary: in which after bagging a princess, it takes a long while for the fans to realise it actually is oscar
a/n: haven't written for oscar in ages so i picked him!!! also my first royalty smau so hope it's ok
request!!!: could I request a royal princess!reader with Oscar or Lando please and they are spotted and nobody believes it’s actually them until their is a statement made about them being engaged or something!!!!
my masterlist
fc: christinanadin
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instagram ->
mclaren 📍 monaco
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liked by princessyn, oscarpiastri, and others
mclaren swipe to see our very special guest in monaco!
tagged: princessyn
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user1 NO WAY
user2 omgg i can't believe she was there
user3 and with mclaren too wth??
user4 princess y/n's first f1 appearance!!!! & in papaya too she's jus like me fr
user5 so cute love her
oscarpiastri some might say...... papaya princess
liked by mclaren, princessyn
user6 ??? HES SO CHEESY
user7 oscar trying to flirt?
user8 who is she??
user9 y/n! she's the princess of monaco
user10 tbh i thought she was gonna be in ferrari garage or something
landonorris was such an honour!
liked by mclaren, princessyn
scuderiaferrari can we have her next 😕
mclaren not sure about that
princessyn 📍 monaco
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liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and others
princessyn my first experience of formula one!! it was so much fun in the mclaren garage, thanks guys :))
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user11 she's soo humble
user12 love her, so cute
user13 THE OSCAR HAT AND PICCC
user14 taste omg??
user15 she's so real
user16 she said piastri rights
oscarpiastri so fun having you this weekend!
princessyn loved being there! thx again for your hospitality :)
oscarpiastri anything for a princess!
user17 rizz
landonorris thanks for coming y/n! (even tho you werent repping number 4)
princessyn hahah maybe next time 👀
lnfour we hope so
mclaren you're welcome back anytime 🧡
liked by princessyn
yourbff next time invite me
princessyn oh for sureee
twitter ->
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messages ->
txts between oscar & lando !!!
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instagram ->
yourbff
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liked by princessyn, friend1, and others
yourbff can you tell i love my best friend
tagged: princessyn
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user22 we love her too tbh
user23 something something two pretty best friends
user24 oscar piastri's gf?
user25 HAHAH
princessyn love you more than anything
yourbff my princess (literally)!!!
princessyn and u? my queen 👑
oscarpiastri me too apparently
yourbff HAHAHA apparently? are you sure?
princessyn oscar 💀
user26 HAHAHA OSCAR?!?!!!
user27 omg he's a jokester
user28 oh it's definitely not true if they're this comfy making jokes 😂
user29 love this new era of y/n being friends w the f1 grid
princessyn posted a story
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liked by oscarpiastri, yourbff, and others
user30 going where y/n <3
user31 omg so gorgeous
user32 how do u look so good without even trying
user33 perfect girl
oscarpiastri wow
princessyn shush you
oscarpiastri 😉 see you soon
user34 i wish i was u
user35 come to spanish gp pls 🥹
oscarpiastri posted a story
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liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, and others
user36 omg who???
user37 OSCAR?
user38 wait...? tan? brunette..?
danielricciardo oh we are lucky enough to be graced with the princess’ presence again? 👀
oscarpiastri you know it
user39 fanning the flames of that random y/n & oscar rumour ..... 👀
user40 a moment for the dress, whoever she is
user41 soft launch much
landonorris making me feel extra single right now
liked by oscarpiastri
user42 WHO IS SHEEE
twitter ->
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instagram ->
princessyn 📍 barcelona
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liked by francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, and others
princessyn back racing!
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user43 ahhh oscar cameo
user44 this is so cute
user45 she's so gorgeous
user46 wish i was a princess 🥹
landonorris god i hope you weren't the one in the car doing the racing
princessyn shut up lando
oscarpiastri shut up lando
landonorris okay okay my bad
user47 HAHAHAHA
yourbff you never miss 😍
liked by princessyn
francisca.cgomes oh to be you 💋
princessyn omg?! if you dont shut up
user48 she's real for that. kika is too perfect already
user49 the wags in her likes & comments ahhhhh
oscarpiastri posted a story
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liked by yourbff, landonorris, and others
user50 WAIT IS THAT Y/N???
user51 what
user52 huh? so u are dating her or what
user53 oscar trying to rizz up the princess of monaco lol
user54 so sweet they're all friends now
landonorris good luck 😉
oscarpiastri thanks, i'll need it
alexandrasaintmleux 😍
liked by oscarpiastri
princessyn posted a story
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liked by alexandrasaintmleux, oscarpiastri, and others
yourbff god it's so so beautiful
princessyn ikr 🥹 still crying
francisca.cgomes congratulations gorgeous
liked by princessyn
alexandrasaintmleux 🥹🥹🥹 angels
liked by princessyn
landonorris one of us now
princessyn ...great
user55 wait huh
oscarpiastri i love you
princessyn i love you
twitter ->
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instagram ->
oscarpiastri
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oscarpiastri my future wife ❤️
tagged: princessyn
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user61 omg what the hell how is this real
user62 WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US YOU WERE DATING
landonorris nah you just didnt look hard enough dont blame osc
user63 LANDO?!?!!?
user64 he cooked
yourbff CONGRATULATIONS GUYS!!!
charles_leclerc congratulations to the happy couple!
logansargeant congrats guys! it was a long time coming
user65 fym long time coming omg how long have they been dating bro
carlossainz55 so happy for you guys
pierregasly hope this means we'll be seeing more of y/n around the paddock!
oscarpiastri did kika hold a gun to your head as you wrote this?
estebanocon such amazing news, congratulations 🥂
mclaren our princess 🧡
liked by oscarpiastri, princessyn
francisca.cgomes congratulations sweeties <3
alexandrasaintmleux most gorgeous couple!
georgerussell63 hope im invited to the wedding !
user66 *crickets*
flavy.barla wishing you a lifetime of happiness 💖
alex_albon congratulations oscar & y/n
lilymhe gorgeous girl & gorgeous ring 💍
carmenmmundt such a lovely couple, congratulations 💕
user67 all the drivers & wags omgg ugh
princessyn ahhhhh i have butterflies!! i love you so much
oscarpiastri i love you so much more
THE END 🧡
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band--psycho · 2 days
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Sylus x Reader - A Little Birdie Told Me
Please be kind, reblogs are always welcome and greatly appreciated!
Thank you all for the continued support! I hope you all enjoy this! 💛
Requests are open so if you have any ideas/requests, you're more than welcome to send them over.
I do not give permission for any of my works to be copied or translated onto this site or other platforms!
Thank you the anon who sent in this request, it was such fun to write this!
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L&DS Masterlist / Sylus Masterlist / Join My Taglist
Warnings: Jealous Sylus, hints of mature themes towards the end
Sylus was fully expecting to get back home to feathers, metal and blood everywhere; what else was he meant to expect when leaving you and Mephisto together for a prolonged period of time. 
You two didn’t get along. 
Sylus knew this. 
But you owed him, since he looked after the dove you found, just before going away on a work trip. 
Much to his own surprise though, you didn’t argue with him when he asked you to check in on Mephisto; which naturally only made him more suspicious. 
You were planning something. 
He didn’t know what, but the mischievous glint that was showing in your eyes as he left, confirmed his suspicions. 
That’s why he was expecting at least part of his mansion to be somewhat trashed. 
But it wasn’t. 
There were no stray feathers. 
No shards of metal. 
No specks of blood from where Mephisto could have pecked you. 
There was nothing; everything was exactly how he left it. 
And instead of his home  being filled with the sound of yours and Mephistos petty squabbles, something that he’d gotten quite used to recently, his home was silent. 
‘Maybe Luke and Kieran were right,’ he thought to himself, hanging his leather jacket on the coat hook by his front door, thinking back to what the twins had told him a few days ago as he made his way down the hall. 
According to the twins, you and Mephisto were getting along fine; more than fine in fact, according to them you two were almost inseparable, like you were friends. 
But that was a ridiculous thought, you two didn’t get along, you’d both told him that, which is what made the picture he got sent even more puzzling. 
The picture was of you, reading, as you so often do, but this time Mephisto was perched on the arm of the chair next to and your free hand was on his head, petting him.
Was that part of the reason he came back a few days earlier than he’d intended to from his trip?
Yes. 
He needed answers. 
Though it was also because that picture made him realise just how much he hated being away from you and how much he hated that he wasn’t the one being given your attention. 
Granted you could be a pain in the ass at times, sassing him at any given opportunity as well as always pushing him to do the ‘right’ thing…but he’d grown to love those qualities about you. 
You changed him. 
He knew you’d had an affect on him long ago, however it wasn’t until recently whilst he was away from you that he realised two things, 1) How much of an affect you’d truly had on him and 2) How much he’d missed everything about you; your witty and sarcastic remarks, the way your infectious smile could light up a room, the way you hummed  along to whatever song was playing through your headphones as you danced in his kitchen, completely oblivious to his presence. 
Everything. 
And now that he was home, he just wanted to see you. 
Needed to see you. 
That was the whole reason why he asked you to look after Mephisto in the first place, not that he’d ever tell you that. 
He walked into the living room, a soft smile quickly forming on his lips as he saw you fast asleep on the sofa, your body wrapped in the blanket you’d claimed as yours after a few visits, your music blaring into your ears at the loudest possible volume. 
Though Sylus’ smile faltered as he took a few more steps closer to you, allowing him to see his mechanical bird nestled in the crook of your neck, little satisfied coos left his beak as the two of you continued to sleep peacefully. 
Of all the scenarios he thought he’d be walking into, this was the most unexpected; a complete juxtaposition to what he’d assumed he’d be walking into.
He should’ve felt relief in the fact that neither of you had killed the other, but relief was not the emotion he was feeling. 
Jealousy however was. 
The same feeling that he’d tried to push to the side when he saw the picture from the twins
That’s how maddening his feelings were for you, only you could ever make him jealous of Mephisto. 
What had happened whilst he was away?
Had he somehow ended up in an alternate reality where you and Mephisto were friends? 
He shook his head at the absurd thoughts racing around in his head; but what he was seeing was exactly that, absurd. 
He wanted to wake you so he could get some answers, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so, mainly because of how peaceful you looked. 
Mephisto though was different. 
Sylus had no issue in waking him up and thanks to the music you were listening to, you wouldn’t be disturbed by his annoyed caws once he was awoken. 
~~~~~~
Safe to say, Mephisto was very unhappy at being woken up. 
And his grouchiness was naturally directed towards the person who’d disturbed him. 
“All I’m asking is, what suddenly made you two so close?” Sylus asked, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to ignore the jealousy remarks the crow was making. 
One thing was immediately clear to Sylus, Mephisto had certainly adopted your sassy retorts to questions. 
“I’m not,” Sylus denied; only to be mocked by the bird in front of him. 
He was becoming as infuriating as you were. 
“Are you two arguing?” You asked, your words catching Sylus off guard; he’d been so busy interrogating Mephisto that he’d been completely oblivious to you waking up or finding them in the study that they were currently standing in. 
“No,” Sylus answered simply, turning around to look at you. 
You were leaning against the doorframe of his study, your eyes meeting his and holding his gaze; it was like you were trying to read his thoughts. 
Thankfully, mind reading was not a skill you possessed. 
Much to Sylus’ dismay though, he didn’t need to answer you, because Mephisto answered for him. 
“Mephisto says you’re lying,” you stated, biting back the triumphant smile that wanted nothing more than to spread across your lips. 
Sylus didn’t know what was more shocking, the fact that she understood the Crow now behind him, or the fact that said crow had betrayed him in such a way. 
“I’m aware of what he said, sweetie,” Sylus pointed out, his voice laced with frustration as he quickly shot a glare at Mephisto. 
He knew you were going to ask why he was lying and just like that, those very words fell from your lips. 
Once again, Mephisto answered before Sylus could even open his mouth to speak; before flying very, very quickly out of the study, leaving you and Sylus alone together. 
“You were jealous?” You asked, taking a few steps closer to Sylus. 
Sylus didn’t want to admit it, but you were annoyingly persistent when you wanted answers. 
So unless he wanted to be continuously asked about Mephistos comment (Which he didn’t) he had no other choice to answer your question honestly.
“Yes,” he admitted, his voice low as you continued walking towards him, only stopping once you were directly infront of him. 
“Why?” You pushed.
He hated to admit that he was jealous; let alone saying the reason why…revealing how much he really craved your attention.
“Because I-” his words trailed off as he began to notice a playful smirk tugging at your lips, the realisation dawning on him in that very moment. 
You already knew why. 
This had all been some elaborate plan to get him to admit his feelings for you. 
“Who told you?” Sylus questioned, watching as your smirk grew.
“Who told me what?” You teased coyly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re a terrible liar, sweetie,” he whispered, leaning down slightly so that his lips were brushing over the shell of your ear. 
His words alone were enough to send a shiver down your spine. 
“Who’s idea was this, yours or Mephistos?” He asked, placing a feather light kiss just under your ear. 
“Both,” you breathed out; reveling in the closeness between the two of you. 
“Thought you two didn’t get along?”  He asked quietly. 
Granted, you and Mephisto had your differences, and you didn’t always get along, but recently you’d grown quite accustomed to one another. 
Of course you squabbled, but the same way someone would with a sibling.
You knew Sylus was going to ask you to look after Mephisto, because the crow had told you so in secret.
That’s when the two of you came up with this plan. 
A plan to make Sylus jealous. 
You were never one hundred percent sure of his feelings towards you, you flirted often enough, but some people just had that type of connection, it didn’t mean he felt the same way about you, that you did him. 
“Things changed,” you answered back, your voice just as quiet as his.
“Is it true?” You asked, changing the topic of conversation as you turned your head slightly, so now your lips were inches apart. 
“Is what true?”
“What Mephisto told me about how you feel about me?”
Being this close to him was torture for the both of you; both of you waiting for the other to make the final move and close the little distance that was between you both.
He saw the anxiety creeping in your y/e/c orbs as you waited for him to answer your question. 
But he knew that he could do something better than telling you how he felt, he could show you. 
And with that thought in mind, he closed the distance between your lips. 
It took you a few seconds to actually process what was happening; but once you did you wasted no time in allowing your eyes to flutter shut and melt into the kiss. 
The kiss started off gentle, soft, the two of you clearly processing what was happening; but everything changed when you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, deepening the kiss.
His hands found a home on your waist, pulling you closer as the kiss intensified.
“Does that answer your question, kitten?” He murmured, pulling away from you slightly. 
“I don’t know, I think I could use some clarification,” you breathlessly chuckled before his lips met yours again, obliging to give you all the clarification you needed. 
Taglist:
@xacatalepsyx @the-slytherin-poet @deathkat657 @book-dragon03 @fangirlsfandomsss @evilldentists @hao-ming-8 @worm-in-a-bug @babygirl-panda19 @tasha-1994 @popcorn-mochi01 @cheesemachine44 @thegalaxysedge22 @inlovewithsylus
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muzaktomyears · 2 days
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Two of Us play notes/thoughts/Easter eggs I noticed
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they played solo Beatles tracks as waiting music before the play began so I sat there listening to ‘Monkberry Moon Delight’ with a theatreful of people which was great 
before Paul turns up John is baking(/burning) bread
John is wearing underwear under his dressing gown which obvs had to be but also my suspension of disbelief was CHALLENGED
when Paul rings up to be let in John does a little rhyme to make him prove he is who he says he is. this is not the exact wording but it went something like: "Five little boys in Hamburg did play/All through the night and all through the day/Ingrid the stripper would do anything/But who got the clap? Was it sexy Stu Sutcliffe - or the lead singer in Wings?" and then Paul has to admit it was him who got the clap
when Paul takes his shoes off he also takes his socks off - idk if this is an intentional barefoot Paul thing but it is hilarious later when they're fighting and Paul is about to leave and angrily putting his socks back on
John and Paul have Get Back era hair/beards, which is weird - presumably because they assume people going to see this will also have seen Get Back but might not know their 1976 looks as well?? idk
some of the dialogue and references have been made a bit more British - the skit they do at the piano is now set in a British greasy spoon instead (still with the American accents)
instead of fighting "like the Hatfields and McCoys" they're now fighting like "the Montagues and the Capulets" (👀)
'Sh-Boom' is played on the record player while they smoke weed (Paul uses the album cover to roll the joint)
George and Ringo both get more of a mention! Paul says that George is happy now (John replies that he's not happy, he's reincarnated). John tells Paul a story Ringo told him about going on a bus in NYC and being recognised.
"I'm the best fuck you ever had" is said by John during the fight (Paul replies "If that's your way of saying you were the real brains behind the Beatles-" etc. etc.)
"You should have married me when you had the chance" is said by John during the Yoko/losing my friend bit
"It's only me" as John's way to get Paul not to leave after the fight
when John goes out to get disguises for them Paul sits at the piano and starts playing some notes he finds there (he'd asked about them earlier and John had said they're nothing). we get a few notes of 'Now and Then' before John returns (ghjshgkhgkdshgksd who did this I HATE YOU)
the appearance of the I Love Paul badge!! John wears it on his disguise jacket and Paul asks what it says. John tells him and then Paul replies "Lucky Paul".......
they never go outside in this version - John says he'll go but then thinks better of it. this means that John comes across as even more locked away than he does in the film.
the police bit is sort of done when Paul puts on a leather hat from the disguises and pretends to be a policeman come to question John, who John then talks back at. he also yells out of the window at some police below at one point.
Paul realises they're never actually going to Luigi's, so John lays the table for him as if they're at a restaurant together (including calling him "Lady McCartney" and "my love")
the bit with the fan is sort of recreated but instead it's John asking Paul whether he truly thinks Wings at the Speed of Sound is the number 1 record in America (which obvs changes it quite a lot)
Julian is brought up - they're toasting to various people/things (ending with "Dr. Winston O'Boogie and Paul Ramon") and Paul says "to Julian" and sort of confronts John about him and how he treated him
during the toasting Paul also mentions "putting hair on a seagull's chest" which John questions and then Paul says it's something his dad used to say
I thought the lift scene/roof scene wouldn't be happening... BUT THEN a lift descended from the ceiling ❤️ the magic of theatre
the kiss still happens and idk but I thought the vibe was a bit different from the film version - less jokey (and no lines after about brushing his teeth/is my name Brian)
Paul: I bought into it that you and me didn't get along well (paraphrasing the Stephen Colbert interview)
they hug at the end of the roof conversation (I was sat very close to this since the actors come in front of the stage to do it and they were both crying and it WAS ALL TOO MUCH 😭😭)
John gets them two guitars to practice with before they go out and they sit opposite each other in chairs and Paul says “I know which one to begin with” and John says “What?” and they lean forward and then the phone rings
when Paul leaves John he’s crying and it’s like okay rip out my heart I guess
the play ends with Paul on the phone to Linda and John on the phone to Yoko, at opposite sides of the stage, and they say “I love you” to their wives but also to each other and it’s ridiculous????
yeah then ‘Give Peace a Chance’ plays which is such a bizarre choice idek
anyway who knows if it's a good play or what the actual people there thought about it because obvs I can have no rational reaction to it but I'm so glad I went to see it because someone on the writing team is one of us I SEE YOU
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mercwiththem0uth · 18 hours
Text
another drabble because i have soft!wade literally living on my mind 24/7. not proof read!
x gn!reader showering with deadpool and caring for him when his skin has a bad flare-up.
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you had been in a relationship with wade for a couple of years now. you knew him inside-out. you loved him so deeply and would do absolutely anything for him, and he was totally head-over-heels for you because of it.
unfortunately, sometimes his mutation causes the scars on his skin to flare up, becoming irritable and painful. he would say that his skin essentially hurt him all the time, and he was just very used to the pain. however when these rare moments happened where it hurt more than usual, you tried to do everything you could to make things more comfortable for him.
in the earlier stage of your relationship, when the first flare-up happened, you spent a long time stood in the kitchen surrounded by a huge amount jars, test tubes, liquids, essential oils, and syringes, trying to find the best combination for a special lotion that wade could use to moisturise his unique skin.
wade stood in the doorway, a small smile on his face as he watched your eyes narrow, tongue poking out of your mouth slightly, concentrating so hard on the task in front of you.
you were so engrossed in measuring out the ingredients and stirring your lotions into different labelled pots, that you hadn't noticed him observing you.
"what are you doing, doll?" wade's voice spoke gently as he stepped towards you in the kitchen. you jumped, heart almost skipping a beat as you hadn't suspected anyone to be home with you.
realising it was him, you relaxed. "you're back early" you smiled at him, tilting your head.
"no I'm not" he smiled widely, motioning his head towards the clock, which read 7:36pm.
oh...
you had been stood in the kitchen doing your little experiments for much longer than you had realised.
wade came behind you, wrapping his strong arms around your waist, dropping a kiss to your exposed shoulder, before whispering in your ear. "so... you never told me what you are doing." he stood back and leaned against the counter, inhaling a deep breath of the different smells that you had created. he was getting senses of ginger and honey... coconut and oatmeal.
"if i was to guess, you're starting up some sort of etsy home-business?"
you giggled at his silliness.
"i'm trying to create a lotion for you. to help... you know... your skin. i know it's been hurting recently." you blushed slightly, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed.
wade felt his heart swell at your words. he almost melted right there on the floor. you had only been together a couple of months, and wade was still very insecure about his appearance around you. but the fact that you were going out of your way to make something to help him, almost made him want to cry.
he knew in that moment that you were something extremely special. you were still in the early stage of your relationship, yet you were being so selfless and kind towards him.
"oh, baby" he whispered, a small smile on his face. "that is so kind. thank you."
the sincerity in his voice made your stomach flutter. you hadn't seen a very affectionate/grateful side of wade yet, but little did you know that this was only the beginning, and you are yet to meet the very clingy, loveable deadpool.
he came and wrapped you in a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
you spent the rest of that evening sat together round the kitchen table, testing the lotions and altering some of the recipes, before he settled on one that he really liked. he still uses it to this day, and you happily make him a new batch every month.
wade sat in the passenger seat of dopinder's taxi, staring out the window. his lips were curled until a soft smile as he thought about that memory. you had been his biggest supporter since day one.
he climbed out of the taxi and gave dopinder a high five, before slowly making his way up to your shared apartment. his footsteps were slow and heavy as his muscles ached and his skin screamed against his suit with every step that he took. he finally crashed through the door, immediately relaxing slightly as the familiar scent and warmth of home surrounded him.
"hey baby!" he heard you call from the bedroom, as he kicked his shoes off and made his way to find you. you were folding laundry as you looked up at him and smiled, having missed him all day. he managed to smile back, never once breaking eye contact as you approached him for a kiss. resting your hands on his shoulders you pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, a toothy grin on your face as you pulled away.
"are you okay?" you said gently, watching as your boyfriend began to take his suit off, his face screwing up and flinching in agony every once in a while. "does it hurt?" you whispered.
he just nodded his head, a small sigh and grunt escaping his mouth. you frowned, wishing you could take away his pain. "i'm sorry baby, anything i can do to help?"
"i'm gonna take a shower" he said, voice barely above a whisper, as he peeled the last piece of his suit from his body. you followed him into the bathroom, watching as he leaned to turn the shower on to a lukewarm/cool temperature, making you frown again. he couldn't even enjoy the feeling of hot water. "what's the frown for, kitten?" he said, pulling his underwear down and kicking them off his feet.
"i just feel bad for you", you sighed, hating to see the love of your life feel this way.
"don't be silly" he pulled you against him, holding you in a small hug, "i'm used to it."
"but still, you don't deserve it."
"hey now, if i wasn't a mutant, cancer would've got me a long time ago and I never would've met you." he squeezed your shoulders before pulling away, watching your face waiting to see you smile.
he climbed into the shower, before turning back to you. "you can join me if you like," wriggling his eyebrows, "i wouldn't recommend it though, your sweet cheeks will get cold."
you smiled and rolled your eyes. eventhough he was in pain, he was trying to be his usual-self that always cheers you up. you pulled off your clothes and joined him in the shower, letting him stand at the water end. his big eyes looked down at you, filled with love and adoration, but underlying sadness. he was just in pain, and needed some comfort. you noticed immediately, reaching round to grab his soap. it was an expensive one, formulated to be kind and gentle to his skin.
you poured some onto a soft sponge and used your hands to lather it up with some water, directing him to turn around. you placed the sponge ever so gently at the top of his shoulder blades, before slowly moving it down across his back. he tensed up, liking the feeling but hating it at the same time. his hand reached backwards and he used his fingers to brush against your thigh, indicating to you that he wanted to hold your hand. you reached down and locked fingers with him, giving it a small squeeze, whilst still using the other hand to slowly sweep the sponge across his backside. you squeezed the sponge in your hand, letting the soapy water trickle down his body, so you weren't putting any friction on his most sensitive and inflamed areas.
you brought his hand up to your mouth to kiss it, before tightly tugging him to face you again. he turned around to let you wash his chest and stomach.
you peeked up at wade, his head was dropped down to his chest with his eyes screwed shut. you put an arm around his waist, pulling him close and pressing a kiss to his forehead. he leaned into your touch, wanting more. you breathed a laugh against his skin, giving one more kiss, before passing him the sponge and letting him finish washing his more intimate areas. (although he definitely would not have minded if you'd done that for him)
once he was rinsed off, you helped him out of the shower and passed him the fluffiest towel you could find. you left him alone and ventured back into the bedroom, pulling out some clean pyjamas for the both of you, before going to the kitchen to order his favourite chimichangas.
wade eventually appeared, wearing nothing but some cotton underwear. you looked at him confused, "i got some clothes out for you, bub."
his eyes darted down to his hand, where he was holding a bottle of your home-made lotion. your eyes softened as you whispered an "okay", before quickly washing your hands.
you joined wade on the couch where he was turning on a movie, sitting next to him and rubbing some lotion between your hands. he leaned into your touch and began to finally relax against you, as you gave him the gentlest massage you possibly could.
you spent the rest of the evening cuddling your big baby of a boyfriend, using your fingers to moisturise every nook and cranny of his back, arms, chest, legs, and feet. your heart melted every time you heard him let out a sigh or a grunt of pleasure, knowing his pain was finally easing. even if it was only slightly.
after you'd eaten, wade laid across the couch with his head in your lap, your hand resting lightly on his head. you were both fighting sleep as you tried to make it to the end of the movie.
before drifting away, you felt wade tilt his head up to look at you. you met his eyes, softly blinking at him, trying to read his thoughts.
"i don't deserve you," he mumbled, reaching his fingertips up to caress your cheek. "thank you for everything"
you stared lovingly at him for a moment, before leaning down and pressing a long kiss to his lips. he meant every word. what did he do to deserve someone who loved and cared for him so deeply?
guys I'm so in love with this fictional man it's not even funny i just wanna kiss his face and give him the love he deserves :'(
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julieverne · 2 days
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"We do need to discuss our last wishes," Maura told Jane solemnly that night. She'd come over unannounced, which was unlike her. Jane had let her in despite not wanting company, despite, for the first time in her life, not wanting to talk to Maura.
They'd just dealt with a werewolf and a sniper. Maura had stabbed a man. She hadn't been hurt, but she was clearly shaken by the experience.
The more distance she tried to put between them, the more it hurt. Maura had broken up with Jack, and she hadn't even seemed upset about it. Probably too traumatised from her long day at work.
"There's something I've always wanted to do."
"We started our bucket lists. We already did ravioli," Jane pointed out. She didn't know why she was nervous. She'd faced her own mortality many times. She'd made willing sacrifices to keep her loved ones - and relative strangers - safe.
But Maura wasn't used to being grabbed. There was a bruise on her - Jane had seen it earlier, and it hurt Jane probably more than it hurt Maura. Jane hadn't been there. Jane hadn't protected her. Jane had failed.
Maura was better off without her. Better off with a man like Jack. Intellectually Jane knew all this, but her heart...
Her heart wanted Maura.
"I mean..."
They'd talked about it when Jane had jumped off a bridge. She'd already lost her baby and had nothing to live for; not with Maura dating Jack.
"I mean when that man grabbed me and I forgot I had a knife, I had a regret. A last wish." Maura came closer and Jane eyed her with trepidation. She touched Jane's cheek, and the bruise was visible now; a mark where a man's hand had hurt her.
Jane reached and touched it gently with a little growl of frustration that she'd let someone hurt Maura, even though it was on Maura's chest.
"It doesn't hurt. Not the way this does."
Still cupping Jane's cheek, she leaned in. Jane had been half-expecting this for years. She'd rehearsed what to say, how to turn her down.
But instead her mouth opened for Maura, letting her in the way she'd done for her condo, her fridge, her life. Maura's fingers tangled in her hair and Jane's palm flattened over Maura's chest, her other hand raised to push Maura away but instead settling on Maura's shoulder and pulling her closer, sliding down to her waist. Maura's tongue brushed her lips and nothing had ever been so exquisite, so wonderful. She was lost in sensation.
And then Maura pulled away with a shaky, shuddering breath, close to tears.
"I can't," Jane said, her voice cracking with regret.
"I know," Maura said, and turned to leave as the first tear slipped down her cheek.
"I'm sorry."
"I know."
"I'll see you tomorrow?"
Maura nodded as she fumbled with the door. Jane came over to help her, leaning over her to grasp the deadbolt.
Maura turned in her arms and Jane nearly had here then and there, against the door, Maura's body pressed against herself everywhere, her sweet face so full of regret.
Instead Jane leaned down and kissed her. Just once. Softly, gently, sweetly, all the things she was only capable of for Maura.
Maura's forehead rested against Jane's cheek for a moment when she pulled away. Jane wanted to hold her, to love her the way she deserved to be loved, but Jane wasn't capable of that. There was always a ball of shame in her stomach when she realised how much more she loved Maura than she should, and Maura deserved better than that. She deserved better than Jane.
"I can die a happy woman," Maura said finally. "No regrets." She met Jane's eyes and her tongue poked for a moment between her lips, the way it did when she was stressed out. Jane let her palm smooth over Maura's back.
"No regrets," she agreed, because for one shining moment she had been brave enough to take what she wanted.
And then she closed the door between them and found she had too many regrets to count.
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I used to be pro Pali, too.. sort of.
I live in a Muslim country, and our government tends to lean towards radical Islam.. as a general rule our population tends to be really, really antisemitic. I myself have always admired Jewish ppl but since we have exactly one (1) synagogue in our country it's really hard to learn about the culture (from a verified source).
There wasn't much news here about Oct 7, but I remember right after October 8th there was a TON of misinformation.. stuff like, oh no how could Israel do this unprovoked... hamas is a small resistance fighter group, they dont have rockets; they treat their hostages really well! Actually Oct 7 wasn't a big deal and nobody got *seriously* hurt.. that kind of thing.
As you know they were throwing the words genocide and apartheid around and. I remember feeling... shock, and disbelief. Even then something didn't feel right.
But then there was this flood of all these gory videos of ppl, kids, injured.. everyone was sharing them, everywhere. My country is both Very Muslim and Very Anti Colonialism so it was... THE topic. Everyone had an opinion. and so I went... I don't agree with Palestinians being killed.. I guess that makes me pro Palestine?
But that didn't last very long because people started being really antisemitic... Well, I don't have to name examples, I'm sure you know. I quickly became disillusioned with the movement, and the fact that my own ancestors were similarly treated when we were kicked out of our own homeland is part of that... The lack of compassion, the black and white thinking, the callousness was disgusting. Still is.
Now I'd say I'm anti-war in general. I'm anti ANY people being shot/bombed/kidnapped. I'm sick of all the world governments equally, but I care a lot about the people living under them. In an effort to combat antisemitism I have started pushing back and rebutting people's antisemitic rhetoric wherever I could, in person and online here and there- it's hard though. I just wish there was a way to do it without being shut down & labelled every which way the minute I open my mouth about it. Though, again, I guess you can relate.
Anyway I'm telling you this to hopefully explain that.. idk. If even I, someone living in a country steeped in anti Jew propaganda with very few Jewish citizens, can wake up and realise this is fucked up, maybe there's hope for people in other countries. Idk. It made more sense in my head.
I'm really sorry you and Jewish people in general have been through this, again, and I'm really sorry we, the supposedly progressive goyim, have let you down. I don't know if there's really any way to make up for this, but I hope you know that we will make an effort to do better in the future.
I hope you do find peace and safety again in your lifetimes.
I don’t have anything else to add to this anon, thanks for reaching out. You’ve said this more eloquently and powerfully than I could. I hope you stay safe and healthy!
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olympeline · 3 days
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Been thinking about why I found Arthur in the Dark so impressive and it made me realise something kinda significant. Something significant that I’m going to put under a read more because it revolves around a heavy subject. So I wouldn’t advise looking beyond the cut if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing.
Less important, but everything below is a big spoiler and, guys seriously. If you like USUK and can handle darker fiction - no pun intended - give AitD a try. Don’t spoil yourself here. Go try it first and then come back if you’re interested. Try it if you’re neutral on USUK. Or, heck, even if USUK is a ship you dislike but isn’t an outright NOTP. I’d still recommend checking out this comic. Arthur in the Dark is still worth a read in my opinion. It’s that good. But enough gushing. Read on for the meat of this post.
Ready? Here we go: Arthur in the Dark has one of the best depictions of rape I’ve ever seen in a piece of media. “Best” as in most skillfully crafted for narrative purposes. Honestly and truly. Not even kidding. Which is kind of amazing considering it’s a depiction that came from a fan comic based on a jokey, anime gag series. Why do I feel this way? A couple of reasons:
Firstly, the rape in AitD is frighteningly, tragically realistic. Something the majority of fictional rapes are not. We tend to think of rape as taking place in a dark alley in the inner city. Stereotyping up a scene of a bottom feeder, criminal man dragging a (young, attractive) woman away to violate her. They’re usually total strangers and it’s always violent. These kind of rapes do happen, but statistics tell us they’re the minority. The majority of rapes happen like the one in AitD did: between two people who know each other well. Friends, romantic couples, even family members, make up the bulk of rapists and their victims.
Most narratives prefer the less common type of rape. Usually because the creator doesn’t want to tell a story about rape. Not really. What they want is a gut-punch to add easy drama and darkness to their creation. The sliding scale of “irredeemable bad guy” roughly goes: murderer → cold blooded torturer → rapist → child rapist. Making a villain a rapist is one of the worst things he - because 99% of the time it’s a he - can be. Conversely having a character be raped gains them instant sympathy because people are moral and empathetic creatures at heart. Most creators know this and throw in a rape for the shorthand: “Look how evil our villain is!” Which often makes the rape and its aftermath feel artificial. In no small part because the rapist characters, by virtue of being written to be the worst of the worst, don’t come off as very human. They can’t be when their main purpose is to be loathed by the audience. I could go on because there’s tons more to unpack about rape in fiction, but you get the point.
The rape in AitD isn’t like that. America and England know and love each other. Their relationship is complicated (oh boy, is it ever!) but that part of it is never in doubt. They’re each other’s most treasured person and have been for centuries. They’re not a duo made up of a flat, hate bait, villain on a collision course with their victim. Who’s doomed to suffer and be pitied until the creator decides the audience has had enough of their trauma and shuts it away so the story can move on. America and England are two people living together, going through a period of immense change and stress, trying to manage as best they can, and sometimes getting it very wrong. From a narrative point of view, this makes what happens between them so much better and so much more upsetting at the same time.
Which brings me nicely to reason number two of why this particular rape works: the build up. Like everything else in AitD, America raping England is carefully planned out and set up. The chocolate bar scene, man. Brilliant, I have to say. Alarming, uncomfortable, and brilliant. The scene in the garden is not just sprung on the reader for a jarring “Oh no! Oh shit-!” moment. If your typical under written rape is a cheap jump scare, the rape in AitD is a carefully crafted slowburn dread. Early on we start to become aware we’re building to something bad. From the foreshadowing, the art, the atmosphere, etc. We just know a storm is coming. It’s done without America acting OOC too, which is very important. It’s how he can come back from what he did. Something that would be impossible if the author didn’t handle this setup well. America’s actions aren’t right, but they are understandable. That’s the crucial distinction. The psychology of the whole thing is so very well done. America was in love with England and had been for a long time. The guilt he felt tormented him because of what their relationship was in the past. Caught between his human side and his immortal one. The guilt helped keep America in check because he didn’t want England seeing the lustful way he’d begun to look at him. Then they started living together and England was suddenly vulnerable. Vulnerable in more ways than America was aware. Which is another vital detail of how the creator keeps America sympathetic, but more on that in a moment. England willingly went blind so he wouldn’t have to see when America - the man grown from the child he raised - looked at him with lust. The guilt America felt peaked, only to clash with the realisation that he could freely indulge in his fantasies. Indulge and push (again, chocolate bar scene) now the usual moral restraint - England seeing his desire - was removed.
Meanwhile, England himself felt that same guilt but his was also laced with panic and despair. He didn’t want to lose or strain his relationship with the most important person of his centuries long life. Pulled between human standards of morality and the very inhuman existence of nation-people. Incidentally the clash between their existence as humans, while also being something more than human, is brilliantly done in AitD. It’s something that’s hard to get right - especially involving such taboo topics - but Hotama nails it. USUK usually handwaves the implications around England raising America, but here it’s made part of the narrative. Part of the tragedy, part of the resolution. Good stuff. Anyway, England begged Arthur to take his sight away so he wouldn’t have to see the way America looked at him. Then banished Arthur back into the dark in an attempt to run away from his problems. But without Arthur - without his strength - England couldn’t stand up to America when he needed to. Not that America was aware of any of this because he never knew about Arthur. Which brings me to point three: nuance of blame.
“Blame” is a very loaded word in this context, so I’ll do my best to talk about this carefully. Rape in the media is almost always black and white. Absolutely evil, irredeemable rapist. Absolutely blameless, sympathetic victim. But real life isn’t always that simple. Obviously the rapist is always the perpetrator and the one most in the wrong. I need to make that very clear. But the scene in AitD illustrates that sometimes a victim could have done more to help themselves. Not always, but sometimes. This is a delicate subject so I hope you understand I’m not trying to victim blame. Just saying that rape, like all crimes, doesn’t always deal in absolutes. Unlike media, real life is often complicated and tragic. Good people can give in to temptation. Be weak, do bad things, or allow those bad things to happen. England told America to stop, but failed to follow it up when needed. When America pushed for more and used England’s own words to argue he’d already been given consent, that was when England needed to push back. Interpretation comes in here but, personally, I think if England had told America to stop when prompted, America would have. But England didn’t and he gave in instead. Something America took as a tacit “yes.” Again, not right, but understandable in how it could happen. Their power imbalance had grown extreme, stress and feelings were running high, they were struggling to connect as they used to, England’s prior cowardice and separation from Arthur prevented him from being strong when he needed to be, America was ignorant of his problem, and it all came together in a horrible, tragic mistake. All throughout, the rape continued to be brilliantly, awfully realistic. America not noticing - either genuinely or from denial - that England was not enjoying what was happening. England quickly becoming too distracted by the pain to do anything other than focus on enduring it. Then the aftermath where America didn’t realise what he’d just done due to coming down from a post-sex, post-stress euphoria. Awful, miserable, horrifying, tragic, perfectly crafted scene.
Which brings me to my final reason why this comic impressed me in its depiction of rape: where the story goes from there. Where it goes and how the narrative builds from the rape instead of trying to move on because the “shocking” part is over and now we’re in diminishing returns. Going back to my first point, too many stories see rape as something that happens in an isolated part of the narrative. It happened, it was shocking and brutal, now it’s done and we can move on because we didn’t plan to interweve the rape with the rest of the story. So we won’t give it the weight it needs. At best the victim might get a few scenes expressing their trauma later on - maybe a callback or two - but that’s it. It’s shallow. Plenty of fictional rapes could be replaced with a savage beating and nothing would change. In the worst cases you could remove the rape, not replace it with anything, then run the story with minimal problems. Not so in AitD. There, the rape isn’t just another semi-important plot point. It’s a crucial one which couldn’t be replaced with anything else. The whole first part of the story, the engine of the narrative, is built around America and England failing to deal with their changing relationship. A relationship between a pair of humans who also happen to be strange, immortal beings that ordinary humans can’t understand. Changing from platonic/familial to romantic over hundreds of years. With romance comes lust. Lust can be perfectly healthy just like any other bodily appetite. In this case it became twisted by circumstance, and the only “suitable” narrative payoff was rape. Nothing else would have had the necessary impact.
Then there’s how the rape compares to the final sex scene in some classic narrative juxtaposition. The final sex scene which happens to be the only one in the comic that’s fully consensual on both sides. The one that goes beyond sex and becomes real, honest to goodness lovemaking. It’s a perfect contrast. The rape scene had all the trappings of a classic romance. Right down to it being their first time and taking place in a rose garden. But it’s tragic, horrifying, and deeply unsexy. Then, near the end of their story, America and Arthur get lost on their road trip and have sex in their car. Their crappy, cramped car, where they’re surrounded by ordinary luggage, both of them sweaty and a little cranky with each other after a long day. It’s awkward, ordinary, imperfect and gorgeous. If we didn’t have the rape before to show us the nadir of this relationship, the healing and the dawn that came after wouldn’t be half so meaningful. A very strange thing to say without context, but it was a perfectly done rape that gave the audience the payoff of perfectly done lovemaking. It’s no small feat to get a reader to cheer for a romantic resolution after all of the above. Kind of in awe of Hotama’s skills, I tell you what.
Up to this point and I don’t know what else there is to say other than, geez. This comic, man. Blew me away. I’m so happy I rediscovered my interest in Hetalia if for no other reason than I got to read Arthur in the Dark. I’m a bit of a bookworm in my spare time and I’ve read quite a lot of classic literature over the years. Classic literature with rape scenes not crafted half so well as AitD did. Really think about that. An amateur fan comic based on a jokey gag series about national personifications being silly with each other. Did better at something than the books we hold up as the best of the best. Can’t really say anything else than that is genuinely bloody amazing
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longagoitwastuesday · 1 month
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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faaun · 1 month
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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tambourineophelia · 8 months
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in addition to that, remember how i found out my ex has a kid through his whatsapp icon??
(the kicker is, i only looked at it because my fucking grandma told me on the phone: oh you know how i kept his number, because I always thought...* well looking at his new picture I might just delete it now...)
well at christmas i wanted to send myself some pictures i took with my mum's phone (with permission of course) and what do i see? she TEXTED HIM MERRY CHRISTMAS. we broke up over three years ago! ma'am this man didn't even send you a fucking condolence card when dad died! he does NOT get a merry christmas!!
so I told her that. she was a little snappy about it, which annoyed me because sorry, this is -my- old heart break, I'm not texting your exes either?? (or my ex's parents for that matter) but then! she said: but I DO wonder what kid he's holding there...
and I was like mum, what the heck, that's obviously HIS kid, what other child would that be
and she was SO CONFUSED. MOTHER! WHAT
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nudelherz · 3 months
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well at least the terrible fear of being to needy and attention seeking keeps me in check. at least i got that going for me. coolio baboolio.
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ableedingpromise · 21 days
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GUYS I DIDNT CHOKE TO DEATH IM SO HAPPYYYYYYY
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toastsnaffler · 2 months
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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sea-jello · 1 year
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wouldn’t it be fun if the squip not only optic blocked michael but also made jeremy completely forget about him
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muninnhuginn · 1 year
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having a growing appreciation of character dynamics that involve pedestals breaking. where a character thinks another character their god, only to realise that they're human after all.
sometimes that leads to heartbreak, betrayal. but other times, they grow from it and build a stronger relationship as a result. a more mutual one.
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thethingything · 5 months
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we have an especially bad migraine where I noticed us getting aura (mostly being pissed off and upset in a specific way) for several hours before it started and we've taken pain meds but I'm not sure they've actually helped. they have definitely given us side effects though and I feel very spaced out and nauseous and generally shit.
we've also had way worse ADHD symptoms for the last few days to the point of being pretty much unable to focus on anything besides like 2 things we've hyperfixated on. we've had so much trouble starting tasks and keep struggling to hold a train of thought or focus long enough to even figure out what we need to do each day despite having all our Habitica dailies to tell us.
our brain is all over the place and I'm not really sure what to do with it or what would help but it's just occurred to me that sometimes our ADHD gets really bad in the buildup to some of our worst migraines and now I'm just hoping that both the migraine and other shit ease off soon because I'd like to be able to function
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I've spent like 6 hours drawing today because we fixated on one piece of art that I originally started as a joke#but I probably had other tasks to do and I don't know what any of them were and I tried very hard to at least make a list or something#but just could not hold a coherent train of thought and got really overwhelmed every time I tried to think of stuff I needed to do#so I gave up after a while because I realised my options were to keep trying and failing and just get upset and start dissociating#and end up doing absolutely nothing while feeling really bad#or just go ahead and draw for as long as I can handle because our brain's fixated on it and at least I'd be doing something#and it's also nice to actually be able to work on art for any length of time after having such bad art block so far this year#oh I did also shower shortly after we woke up which was our main big task of the day I think so that's something to be proud of#our tourette's has been bad and that made it surprisingly difficult and it was kind of stressful and exhausting but we did it#it's also just occurred to me that our tourette's and ADHD and a few other issues have all flared up together#followed by a particularly bad migraine which is a pattern we keep noticing and first noticed back in December#and all these issues are known to involve dopamine but I can't figure out what exactly is going on#when it happens we also start getting sensory overload way more easily
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