#which makes me feel bad for trying to stay friends with everyone bc I don’t think anyone here is a bad person

[victory-cookies]

nothing like a little friend drama to spice up the morning. lord

[skymar13]

Getting back together with the bakusquad

:comfort

Feel bad with so much angst lately yall deserve a treat

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

Bakugo

He’s regretted letting you walk out so easily. He had talked to his friends about it they all grilled into him that he should’ve treated you better, esp mina.

He noticed you turn into the kitchen late at night when he was getting home from a work out. He decided to follow you, he missed you and the warmth you brought to him. “Hey.” He said to get your attention, you didn’t need to turn around to know who it is. “Hello bakugo” “katsuki you call me katsuki” he said with a sigh “I’ve been trying to control my frustrations but I can’t feel calm if I’m not with you” he said looking at the floor not meeting your gaze “you should’ve thought abt that sooner” “I know but I’ve changed now so let me prove that to you” he said looking into your eyes and you knew you couldn’t say no “I love you and I need you back so please come back” he whispered begging for you you walked over to him wrapping your arms around his neck “I’m here” you whispered before pulling away from the hug to peck his lips “who knew the katsuki bakugo could beg” “shut up.” Was all he said with a love struck smirk.

The truth is he couldn’t live without you and if begging meant that he could be with you forever then so be it.

Kirishima

It had been two weeks since yalls break up and he missed you so much you had reached out constantly trying to edge your way back into his life but he kept pushing you away.

He couldn’t breath he was hyperventilating and his vision was blurry his hands shaky he was standing behind the school building trying to re collect himself. He’d had panic attacks before but you had always been there to calm him down and you weren’t here. Or so he thought. You came around the corner carrying the dorms trash in your hands. He hadn’t noticed you until he heard a loud thud and your feet tapping against the floor as you made your way to him. You stood in front of him lifting his arms in the air to help him breath and asking him basic question to get his mind off of everything. “Why’re you here?” He asked after he’d calmed down “gate brought me to you” you said with a soft smile “I know you don’t want to talk but please kirishima can we?” “I’m not good enough for you I’ve explained that.” “Too bad bc I get to decide that you are. If you’re not in love with me then that’s different but you are good enough for me too good.” You said slightly raising your pitch “I do love you” “then the only thing stopping us is you” you said looking into his eyes something snapped in him and he pulled you close to him giving you a sweet passionate kiss. He pulled away before whispering “I’m so sorry I never want to be away from you again” “we never have to be.”

With that he knew that he was good enough for you and you were more than enough for him.

Denki

After you’d left him he’d been a shell of what he used to be he was quiet and stayed to himself except when he was with you.

Everyone had noticed the change in denkis behavior when you split. He stopped talking to the girls in class solely focusing on getting you back. He’d beg at your dorm leaving flowers and notes. In class he’d sit with you every time yall had free time even if you just ignored him. That was until he’d gotten frustrated of you letting his advances roll of your back. He walked into your dorm room that you hadn’t noticed you’d left unlocked. You were abt to tell him to get out before you shhhed you and began his rant “ no you’re going to listen to what I have to say and please really listen. I’ve changed in so many ways for you I diced all the things you’d tell me too I stopped talking to the other girls and making inappropriate jokes and I even stopped hanging around Mineta which I know is the bare minimum and you deserve so much more but please let me show you how good I can be you’ll never have to tell me to fix something again” he finished with a huff waiting for your reaction. Your face slowly contorted into a smile as jumped up to him hugging him and he quickly hugged you back “this isn’t an us getting back together thing but I’ll let you show me how much you e changed” you said and his face beamed with happiness “you really won’t regret this I’ve missed you so much” “you never let me miss you” “well yeah.” He said smugly before pulling you onto the bed to hold and cuddle you

And he had changed for the better.

Sero

After you left him his smoking habits had worsened so much so he realized that the problem really was him.

He decided to get clean for you he threw away whatever he had on him replacing his hobby with his studies and hero work after there months he’d gone to Walmart and got a drug test and ones it came out negative he placed the results in a bag and rushed to your dorm. His knocks were rushed he looked like a puppy excited to see its owner when you had opened the door and saw who it was you tried to close it before he stuck his foot in the door. “I need to show you something so please let me in” he begged with those eyes you couldn’t say no to so you let him in silently. He took note that your room had changed so much since he was last there. “You were the first person I wanted to share this with” he said excitedly holding up the bag in front of him at first you hadn’t realized what it was until you grabbed the baggy looking at the results and it clicked. He was clean. “I’m proud of you sero really this is great” you said with a huge smile and he returned it with his very own “yeah I uh I did it for you our last convo made an impact on me and I realized how fucked I treated you, I know you probably won’t say yes but how about I take you to dinner tomorrow night?” He said waiting for your answer “I’d like that very much” with that he had left the room jumping up and down the whole way back to his dorm

Mina

Mina had always hated rumors so why now was she letting them dictate her life?

After yalls argument mina was fuming and at first she hadn’t understood why you were so mad mad enough to leave her anyways. U til she heard rumors were starting to effect bakugo of all people. When it clicked she’d known how fucked up she was. She walked up to those girls and and began shouting at them to keep your name out of their mouths and you’d happened to have heard it all. Sure it was late but at least she was doing it that’s all that matters. After her rampage you pulled her aside into a quiet hallway startling her before she recognized the smell of your perfume/ cologne “I heard what you did back there” you said as she blushed lightly “really? I’m sorry it’s late but it felt like I had to.” “It’s okay look it hurt but I can put that aside if you still want to be with me I’d gladly have you as my girlfriend again” you said playing with your fingers before she kissed you and pulled you close “of course I would love that more than anything”

Rumors were ugly but as long as you know the truth what can be better?”

Jirou

Jirou missed the calm you brought to her that was something that you’d always boughten.

You hadn’t a clue to what would’ve made Jirou burst out like that until you had a conversation with monoma and you explained the recent break up. What you hadn’t expected was his reply of “you were always too good for her anyways you offer so much and she offers so little” and something in you snapped you shouted at him that he didn’t know anything and to stay out of your life. You ran to find Jirou and explain everything. You saw her in the music room shredding her guitar. You walked in and began talking before she could run. “Look I don’t know who said anything to you or if this is what happened but you are good enough for me you’re more than good enough you’re so smart and beautiful and incredibly strong and I can’t go another day where your hands aren’t around me” you said exasperatedly and she looked at you “I don’t know [name]” “you don’t have to cuz I do” that was enough reason for you and something that calmed her. “Kiss me?” She said and you jumped at the chance taking her face in your hands as your lips attacked hers it was heated and passionate but it was true

And just like that Jirou had her calm back

[pinkpigtailsprincess]

𝜗𝜚 ݁ ˖ The Advice Column Issue No.1 ; How to deal with fake friends while balancing school life 🎀🧁

Hii Dolls!!!⭐️ This is officially the first issue of my Brand new segment The Advice Column!!!! and i chose the topic fake friends bc as someone who’s had an alarming amount of fake friends in the past i can definitely give endless advice in this topic and its a collab with the @honeytonedhottie !! bc i thought she could also give so really good advice!!🎀⭐️

Are you struggling with keeping up in your studies? worried if your friends are talking behind ur back? Stressed? Feeling like school and socials are just to much??? DONT WORRY!! Dolly n Honey are gonna save the day!! 🎀⭐️

Section 1 ; Honey!!🍯

how to balance ur school and social life (in bullet points) !! 🎀🧁

- make a list of priorities and stick to it like its a handbook

- practice saying no to events and saying no to excessive studying, the key is to find an equilibrium

- combine social and academic events

- make sure to use ur time wisely and do whats important first, so that then u can have loads of time for ur social life!

Section 2 ; Dolly! 🎀

No.1 ; Stand up for yourself!! ⭐️

if ur so called “friend” is constantly make smart remarks about you,scrutinizing you for the smallest thing,being passive aggressive or really just trying to hurt your feelings always stand up for yourself and never let insult like that because that shows that you have no self respect and then they’re gonna just keep doing it set clear boundaries and don’t be a doormat never let this person/people walk all over you , if you didn’t appreciate something they said don’t take shit from them address and make sure it never happens again

No.2 ; spotting a secretly fake friend⭐️!

now there’s obviously “friends” that you can spot from a mile away that they’re definitely toxic but theres also a certain type of friend that could be the sweetest to ur face but secretly talk shit behind ur back and its honestly not that hard to spot one of these “friends” so here are some characteristics of ‘the secretly fake friend’

- never sticks up for you

- constantly lying

- at time can be very passive aggressive

- will tell you that someone was talking about you and not defend you at all

- will make you feel like a bad friend even if they’re wrong in the situation

- if you’ve ever confronted them on their behavior and they say they’re sorry but then repeats the same actions

- lets their other friends talk shit about you

- HUGE VICTIM COMPLEX!

these kinds of fake friends are tricky bc you really can’t spot them at first and then it can be harder to cut them off which brings me to my next point

No.3 CUT THEM OFF !!⭐️

listen i know its hard to let go of these people at first im mean I’ve had to do it multiple times but i swear it gets sooo much easier to not have these people in ur life its way better to have no friends than a bunch of friends thats secretly hate you don’t stay caught up on toxic people like this its a waste of ur own peace and well being , block them,stop following them,stop talking to them have NOTHING to do with these people/person

No.5 ; Ur not special !!

now this title is a bit alarming but what i mean by that is if you have a friend that’s constantly talks down about people for no reason whether it be their friends or someone they know and im not talking about the standard gossip talk bc tbh everyone gossips but im talking about like drags them through the mud calls them mean names and purposefully spreads rumors about other people they’ll do it to do you as well ur not special i doesn’t matter what this person is telling you they’ll talk about any and everyone it doesn’t matter people like this do not care

No.4 ; Being Un-phased !! ⭐️

now after you cut them off either gonna

A. make it seem like they’re innocent and have been nothing but nice to you and try and make you feel bad

B. Act like theirs beef when in reality theres not they just want a reason to start a problem

C. to the standard mean girl remarks side eyes,whispers,random pointing and slightly laughing, or even in some cases talk loudly about you but indirectly

now in any of these situations never let it bother you show no reaction these kinds of people feed off ur fear of them shows no reaction when it comes to things like this and you can also do it back side eye them back,give them weird looks back now im definitely not saying be just like them but play their game don’t let disrespect like this slide and i know how hard it can be especially since these are people ir support be close with but i promise making friends that actually care about you is WORLDS BETTER!!! you’ll have such a peace of mind and being able to make friend that actually care about you is such a freeing feeling!!!!

Reminders!!! 🎀🍯

- they’re opinions don’t matter

- these people are no above you in any way shape or form

- stress is normal don’t let it get to you !!

- you deserve much better friends

- it normal to feel sad after cutting them off

- this person/these people don’t deserve you!!!

- you got thiss!!!

[randombush3]

a sense of coming home

ona batlle x reader

summary: part two of this! ona and you are (frustratingly) still just friends

words: 6.5k (i have NO idea why i waffle so much but lets pls allow it)

warnings: there's like five secs of smut at the end

notes: this has been the most self-indulgent fic i've written because this is how i met my gf and so i am glad to show you a nice happy ending

again, the quote is from 'this side of paradise' (said gf's fav book - i don't recommend however because the protagonist is a twat)

also i didn't proofread bc i am exhausted and i am hungover and i am very ready to go to sleep (#globetrotting is not for the weak) x

There is something difficult about forcing oneself back to their toxic roots. Ona discovers as such as she presses her body into a temple of meaningless sex, but she does so because she is a driven person. Ona is determined to get over you, once and for all, except she’d quite like to stay friends (hence why she agreed when asked). She also thinks it would expose her to fall out because her feelings shouldn’t have existed anyway, so she technically shouldn’t be heartbroken? 

Anyway, Ona rampages through Manchester! They appreciate her accent – some even ask her to speak to them in Spanish when she is three fingers deep inside of them, to which she obliges with little fanfare – and it isn’t like the city lacks queer women. It is a super solid way to keep her busy, to tear her attention from hungrily checking your Instagram whenever possible. 

It’s also what lands her with coronavirus. She’s embarrassed to admit just how many people she has come into contact with when the club doctors ask her questions over the phone.

You send her a lovely message after hearing she is yet another fallen soldier. 

Ona is at home, isolating, and you are apparently trapped in Spain, unable to get into Italy. You haven’t quite made it to your parents’ house since your flight was supposed to depart from Madrid. “How come you’re not on the phone to one of your ‘connections’?” Ona asks suspiciously, wondering why this call has lasted longer than ten minutes. “Surely someone knows someone else and they can get you back home.” 

“I’m hardly out of my depth in my own country,” you remind her with a twinging sigh, pained that she has suppressed all memories of your childhood. “It’s not like I don’t speak Spanish.” 

“Didn’t you get rid of it in your head to make space for Italian and English? Oh, and French too, right? That’s where the fashion weeks are.” 

You laugh at her pride for knowing something about your job, but it is not to ridicule her. “I am speaking to you, aren’t I?” 

“In Catalan,” she points out. “Forget Spanish, but don’t forget Catalan.” 

“I can’t. It’s the language everyone uses to tell me about how fucked you’ve been lately.”  You take in a deep breath, uncomfortable with Ona’s silence but knowing your piece needs to be said. “Are you aware of what happened a few months ago? Why I missed the wedding?” One of your friends met her dream man and he whisked her off to Menorca for a small ceremony. Only the people she loved the most were invited, which included your childhood friend group. “We were in New York, a whole bunch of us. It was late but the show had been a big deal so we went out to celebrate, and… these ‘friends’, these people, they aren’t the same as you and me. Most of them are English, you know, and they come from very fancy schools where addiction is normal. Two of them ended up in the hospital that night – the bag hadn’t even made it round to me by the time they’d dropped. I know it seems far-fetched, but all I’m trying to say is that addiction has consequences. Bad consequences.” 

“So you’re not on my side?” Ona isn’t taking this too seriously. A few people have joked about her questionable new hobby, but no one has made it seem so dire that they have needed to get you involved. You who, of course, Ona will listen to. 

“I am always on your side.” 

That is her main take-away from the conversation, Ona chooses, when it ends an hour later. She swoons, meaning the last twenty women have been a waste of time, but she also tortures herself into ignoring the potential problem. Being a sex addict would be embarrassing, so she won’t be. 

Though your subtle shaming for her abundance of quick-fix flings is hypocritical, Ona would also hate for you to see her that way. You can avoid commitment all you like, but she is determined to be different to prove to you that she is a viable candidate, should you wish to stop stringing her along. It’s probably toxic; it probably means that you are both clinging onto a friendship that should either end or be labelled something else. It probably is the push and pull that has kept you interested, Ona thinks, because she knows that you like the chase. 

However, as much as she’d like to be freed of whatever game she is caught up in, she can’t seem to let you go like that.

… 

The next time Ona and you have a proper conversation about something other than how your love lives have been stunted or how people back home are not as successful as the two of you is when most of the restrictions have been lifted. 

You waited out the pandemic in Vilassar de Mar, much to your annoyance, but now that you can travel again, the first person on your mind to visit is your childhood best friend. You’re not as close as you used to be, having drifted further during even more years apart, but it does not dull your love for her, nor hers for you. 

Ona has changed her mind about Manchester and is forcing herself to like it. It works enough for a visit from you to be the last thing on her mind, and so she slows her response time down until the next arranged date to see each other in person is all set for the summer before the Euros in England.

You’re not quite home but you are in the country, and, with the pre-Euros camp in two days, Ona is spending the final few hours of calm left before the storm in the comforting presence of her mum and dad. 

And… you, apparently. 

“You weren’t supposed to be here yet,” is Ona’s greeting when she opens the front door. 

Your smile is wide and genuine, and you are holding a gift bag in one hand. There is a nice bottle of wine in the other. “Not even an ‘hola’?” When no reply comes, you swallow the emotions that have arisen; the ones that are maybe, just a little bit to do with how soft Ona looks with her hair down. And the slope of her jaw. And the ghosts of defined biceps that bulge even when she isn’t flexing her arms. “I’m dropping by to see your parents. I thought you were in Barcelona with your footballer friends.” 

“You visit my parents?” asks Ona curiously. 

“Of course.” 

With that, you side-step her and call out to her mother, announcing both your arrival and your desire to hand them their gifts. Dinner is just about to be served, and Ona is soon tasked with setting another place at the table for you as though the last ten years had never happened and your friendship hadn’t lost its innocence. 

Maybe it would be better for Ona to not know what it feels like to kiss you, to touch you, to – dare she think it – love you. It would certainly make things less painful, and would have saved her from catching at least one illness and spending a good amount of money on Ubers to escape from random apartments. It would make it easier to listen to you talk about your life in Milan, where you seem to exist in a bubble of incredibly attractive people who are desperate to hold hands and form a raft. 

“Modelling can be brutal,” you agree, nodding at Ona’s father as you follow on from his concerns about your career. He voices them regularly; whenever you see him. Ona realises you have spent a lot of time with her parents without her. “It gets quite competitive between the girls so I’ve been somewhat avoiding them. They’ve brought in someone new, scouted from Germany, I think, and I’m a little worried that I’ll have to switch agencies if they start prioritising her.” You glance at Ona, wanting to know if she is listening, hoping she is. You wish that she were as good at suppressing her feelings as you are. You wish she didn’t look at you like you hung the moon, because you know that you have to tell her you have hung it for someone else. “I’d move tomorrow, to be honest, but I’ve started seeing this guy and he’s convincing me to stay in Milan.” 

“The minute he is your boyfriend, you bring him here,” commands Ona’s mother in a tone she hasn’t yet used on her actual daughter (said daughter has never mentioned anyone before). “Show us a picture of him! Is he a model like you?” 

He is, and if Ona holds her fork tighter after she sees the photo you pull up, that is her business. You secretly take in her clenched jaw and furrowed eyebrows, and this might be the worst thing you have ever had to do. To see her so defeated, so hopeless, is upsetting, especially since you are harbouring the same feelings. However, you are able to admit when it is time to throw the towel in, and you can no longer live like this. 

Ona is too perfect for you. She is driven, hard-working, and funny. She likes to nutmeg little children on the street, and she likes to buy them an ice-cream if they slip a goal past her, slotting the flat footballs into imaginary nets and celebrating as though they have just won the Champions League. She knows a lot, more than she thinks she does. She cares about people, but sometimes it manifests in anger, in frustration. 

Any aspect of her is an aspect that you could love, and that is reason enough not to. Because how can you allow yourself to taint such perfection? 

But, in this unspoken rejection, the compliment is obscured from the recipient’s view. All Ona sees when you gush about how he buys you flowers and takes you out to dinner, is a burning, bright question. It flashes red and yellow, both as a warning and cry for attention. How can she compete if you don’t even recognise her as a competitor? 

…

“--And then they proceeded to finish a film they were halfway through as if it were the most normal thing ever,” Ona rants the minute she hits the concrete of Las Rozas, walking into the facility with Aitana and the other girls who travelled with her from Barcelona. Only the midfielder has been gracious enough to listen to the entire monologue, but the others joke that that is because Ona’s emotional state has led her to spiral in her native language. It is forbidden for them to openly speak Catalan in the Spanish camp, according to Jorge Vilda, who loves to hurl a ‘we can send you back to where you came from in an instant’ their way if he so much as hears a ‘bon dia’. Naturally, Aitana doesn’t give a fuck about the rule, although Ona chooses to believe that she is listening because she cares.

“Are you done?” Aitana asks thoughtfully, sucking on her bottom lip as she tries to absorb her friend’s crisis and formulate a valid, sensible response. The two have known each other for a while now, and Aitana remembers a time when Ona was relentlessly teased by their older teammates for being in love with her best friend. It is clear to her that those feelings never ceased, though she has heard through the grapevine (Leila Ouahabi) that you are now a model and you live somewhere in Italy. You’re part Italian, is what Leila also claims, having professed your ethnicity to a small huddle of fellow gossipers one day in the gym at the Barça training facility. 

“No! Nothing is ever done with her. It’s viscous and it continues in a horrid cycle that has me flapping around in circles like some idiot. I am one of her boys.” Ona groans dramatically, the sound perhaps a little too loud. A few of the girls in front of them turn around to see why a cat seems to have been strangled, but they quickly lose interest when they see it is just Ona and her disastrous situation. “Do you know how fucking humiliating it is to be one of her guys? I am a professional footballer! I play for Manchester United, one of the most historic clubs in the world, and I am about to represent my country in a major tournament. I am successful, Aita, and yet I am still not enough for her.” 

“Maybe she only likes men.” 

“A man has never made her scream like I have,” she bites back. Aitana blushes, but Ona is too far gone in her rage to hear her crudeness nor preserve her friend’s sanity. “She’s been like this since she decided she was gay! Isn’t that hilarious? ‘Ona, I think I’m gay’, she said. I know lesbian breakups can be hard, but there is no way my cousin fucked her up to this extent.” 

“I can’t help you with this, Oni,” Aitana laments, sorry to have to confess this to her friend. “I think you need to talk to her about it. A proper conversation to fix long-term issues, not like the ones you obviously had when agreeing to stop having sex and things like that. Only she knows what she’s thinking.” It is definitely not the advice Ona wants to hear, but she cannot deny the midfielder’s wisdom. “But for now, we focus on winning.” 

…

You are more than a little confused. 

To start from the beginning, Ona’s cousin fucked you up. She broke your heart, and that first impression of dating girls was incredibly traumatising. With girls, you don’t just kiss and sleep with them, you get close – really close – and then when you break up, it is like you have lost both a girlfriend and a best friend. 

Men are a lot simpler. Men like you and they aren’t shy about it. They can sometimes be just as cruel, but you have never felt invested enough to care too much. 

Some nights, you don’t fall asleep, tossing and turning between your sexual identity, aware that you don’t need to label it but desperate to… discover yourself. If you don’t understand that part of you, how will someone else? How can you be loved? How do you even know who you want to love you? 

For as much as Milan is great, it definitely doesn’t help you with your crisis. Girls in Milan like to do what they want. It is not uncommon for the models to kiss each other in clubs, in front of appreciative male gazes or not, and then reveal their engagement to their future husband the very next day. It’s easy to be drawn into such a bubble, but the minute you step out of it, you are hit with the real world. 

It’s what makes the pandemic so distressing for you personally, because you are forced to live like normal people for some time. Your eyes are held open and the question is shoved down your throat, and it really doesn’t help that Ona’s cousin never moved out of Vilassar de Mar. 

She sees you one day, saying hello from a suitable distance as you pick up milk as per your mother’s request. “I heard you’re modelling?” she asks with no agenda, no seductive glint in her eye. You notice the ring on her finger, and she feels the heaviness of your staring. “Oh, I got married a year ago. Did Ona not tell you?” 

You realise that you and Ona try to avoid talking about anything other than the love interests you have. “No, she didn’t. Congratulations, though. She’s a lucky woman.” 

“You don’t have to pretend you’re happy for me,” laughs the woman opposite you, amused and somewhat apologetic. “Look, I’m really sorry for how I acted when we were younger. I was definitely not the most mature person out there, and I know I hurt you.” 

“I cried for months.” 

“I’m sorry,” she repeats. You suck in a deep breath, trying to hold the memories of your pain at bay. “The first breakup is usually the worst but at least it gets better, as you probably know.” 

She looks at you expectantly, awaiting your confirmation. It never comes. 

“I haven’t dated another girl since,” you tell her, sounding rather detached from yourself. 

Her eyebrows furrow and she is clearly frowning behind her facemask. “What about Ona? I thought you were together when you lived in Madrid. It takes more than a friendship to do what you did.” 

You were originally going to go to university in England. It was your dream, and Ona wasn’t entirely aware of the situation because you hadn’t wanted to tell her you were leaving. Then she was sent out on a professional contract to Madrid, and it wasn’t like you were the only one leaving. 

Ona’s cousin, years ago, had suggested that you go to Madrid if you wanted to get away from Vilassar de Mar. “You’ll be close enough to come home when you’d like, but not so close that you’ll feel as though nothing has changed,” she had said. 

No one had known about your offers in England aside from your parents. And Ona’s cousin, who’d only found out because you had called her, drunk on celebratory champagne, because you had to tell someone. 

“You gave up a dream for her because you didn’t want her to be alone.” 

“I moved to Milan. In the end, she was alone.” 

“You sound like you regret it,” she replies, nodding once at you to bid you farewell and then heading over to a woman who is standing with a puppy in her arms. You watch as she pulls down her mask and kisses her wife, her eyes shining with love and happiness, and your blood runs green with jealousy. 

You hate Ona’s cousin for devastating you once more. 

Do you regret it? 

It’s unclear. 

You try to make sense of it when you don’t hesitate to fly back to Italy the minute you can, going home to lick your wounds at Ona’s non-committal response to meeting you when you are in London the next month. It hurts that she is no longer at your beck-and-call, but you are somewhat happy for her. You know that lines have been crossed and that she has suffered for it. You know that you are probably the one at fault here. 

This time in Milan, you don’t fight it as much. You kiss other girls and let them go home to their boyfriends; you submit to the thing you had convinced yourself you would never become. 

As you drive yourself deeper and deeper into your stereotype, the thought of Ona gets pushed away and newer, more culturally-acceptable fantasies come to mind.

It takes a photoshoot for him to ask you out on a date. 

It takes returning home and gaining the approval of Ona’s parents (who are far more open than your own) for you to agree to be official. 

You don’t ask Ona what she thinks. She’s busy, you reason, because she is representing Spain at the Euros. She won’t care who you are dating and she certainly doesn’t need it rubbed in her face. 

There are many reasons why you go out with him. 

One is that you do like him; he’s nice, he’s funny, he treats you well. (He’s not Ona.) Another is that rent is going up and him sharing the load is helpful. (He’s not Ona.) There is also that he is very popular within the agency, and your chemistry on camera is enough to keep your jobs rolling in and casting directors satisfied. 

He’s not Ona. You know that. 

That's the whole point. 

If he were Ona, you’d be deeply in love with him. If he were Ona, you would never leave the house, never leave his embrace, never leave the little bubble created when it is just the two of you and no one else. If he were Ona, you would be excited about the conversations he gently guides you into; marriage, children, where you are going to live one day. You’d miss him more when he isn’t here. You’d care. 

But you just… don’t. 

Another year passes, more Ona-less than the last, and then she is suddenly coming back home to Barcelona, a medal around her neck and word of a relationship floating above her head. 

You could ask her about it if you wanted to because she is still one of your closest friends, but the truth is, you really, desperately don’t want to hear it. While Ona has been falling in love with someone else, you have been proving your stupid feelings to yourself. 

The act (your current relationship) lowers enough for you to go home for Christmas. You leave Milan as though fleeing from a hurricane, and you refuse to control the damage until you have entered the new year. Your parents aren’t entirely sure they want you moping about the house, confused how someone so successful can revert to a moody teenager the minute they are back in safe territory, and they heavily encourage you to accept an invite that was extended out to you a few months ago. 

Your friends are going skiing in Andorra, and they’d like for you to come with them. 

“Ona won’t be there,” one of them regretfully informs you. “She said she doesn’t want to make things weird. She has a girlfriend – or, I don’t know, a talking stage. She wants you to have fun.” 

“But Ona and I are friends,” you try to explain, feeling exposed by the look of pity she gives you; the same look someone receives when they find out their ex has gotten married or something similar. As a defensive mechanism, you hastily pull out your phone and dial her number. Everyone watches you, now uninterested in their food as you dine and plan your holiday. 

Ona picks up on the third ring, escaping her dinner with Lucy and rushing into the cool, nighttime air of Barcelona. 

“Hi?” she says – asks – with raised eyebrows, wondering if you’re in danger. 

“You’re coming skiing with us, aren’t you?” 

Your friends hide their laughs behind their hands, surprised by how firm your tone is. You do not need it for Ona, because she does anything you say regardless, but they enjoy seeing this side of you. This is someone who has had to fend for herself in a foreign country. 

Removing the phone from her ear for a moment, Ona sighs, disappointed in herself. 

“Yeah, of course. I’ve missed you, you know.” 

…

Skiing is not something Ona is really allowed to do. As a footballer, her legs are what pay her wage. Career-destroying planks of metal are not the best way to spend the dying embers of the year. She knows that. She does, she swears, but she is so eager to go that Jonatan cannot crush her dreams. He tells her, “if you get injured your contract will be reviewed, Ona Batlle,” and she promises him that it won’t happen. Nothing bad is going to happen. 

It will be the first time she has spent more than a day with her childhood friends, and she is unbelievably excited. 

Lucy finds it adorable and makes it known, helping her pack for her trip, versed in what to bring because her sister skis or something like that (Ona can’t really focus on her almost-girlfriend's monologue). Lucy likes Ona a lot, and it makes her stomach flutter when she thinks about Ona and her friends talking about them. She’s sure her feelings are reciprocated, and she cannot wait for Ona to return to her in the new year, all smiles and lingering hangovers, and ask her to be her girlfriend. Officially. 

Your friends convene in the centre of Vilassar de Mar with two cars between you. There are ten people coming. 

Someone, most-likely trying to keep the peace, instructs Ona into one vehicle and you into the other. The drive isn’t too long, but you suppose that the tension is uncomfortable for those who aren’t accustomed to maintaining a friendship despite the weight of it. 

It’s five days, and you are determined to have fun. 

Ona is naturally good at this, although she claims it is her first time. You, living in Milan, are just as advanced. 

By the third day, the both of you agree that going off together to do some of the harder runs will be harmless. Spending the day together won’t feel like a date or a romantic holiday. Watching Ona glide over the compacted snow won’t be attractive, watching her cocky smirk as she scales the bumps along the side of the piste won’t do anything. 

It won’t. (It does.) 

And it just has to be the third day that someone pulls out two bottles of tequila and a drinking game that is going to ensure every single one of you is off your face by midnight. 

In rooms opposite one another, you and Ona call your respective partners and tell them about how great a time you are having, actively avoiding telling them about who you spent the day with as though it counts as cheating. It doesn’t, technically. Nothing has happened. But, still, it feels intimate and secret; forbidden. 

Then, there is a shout that rings through the house. Everyone comes to the table; the party has begun. 

Ona finds out that she is absolutely terrible at drinking games, and loses in every way possible. 

You find out that she is still just as touchy when she is drunk. 

Your friends try not to comment on it, all having agreed upon yet another passive role in such an irritating situation. Their non-interference almost ceases by the time Ona climbs onto your lap, head turning as she whispers something into your drunk ears, making you laugh privately. In fact, someone has to hold someone else back before they shout at the two of you to make out or break up. 

But it’s not really necessary, their prompting, because it hits a certain hour and… nothing else matters anymore. 

Ona has been touching you the whole night and you have finally reached your limit. 

Boyfriend be damned, you lead her to your bedroom. 

She asks you many times if you still want this, and you cannot think of anything to say other than ‘yes’. 

You’re not as drunk as she is, and you both know that, but everything feels so perfect and right. 

When you wake up the next morning, your anger is more at yourself than the sleeping woman beside you, but she is an outward target for such a boiling emotion and it just makes things easier. 

“Ona.” You shake her awake, not caring for her hangover. “Ona, I can’t believe we’ve done this.” She rubs her eyes, dazed and confused for a moment but coming to her senses soon enough. “I have a boyfriend, Ona, and… I don’t like you like that.” 

It’s not true. 

It’s really, really, really not true, but the fact that you have said it is enough for Ona to leave your room with the intention of never seeing you again. 

She gets the train back to Barcelona, turning up at Lucy’s flat in floods of tears, and barrels straight into those strong arms with the intention of never mentioning what she has done. 

…

You break up with your boyfriend a month later. Or rather, he breaks up with you, tired of being messed around, tired of your hesitation to fully commit. 

The break-up is not the most upsetting thing you’ve been through, but your ego is a little bruised.

You try to make it look like you are having a great time in Milan, even though the agency has once again discarded your file and overlooked you for shoots you used to book in an instant. You try to seem like things aren’t falling apart, but it’s of no use when your father calls you and tells you that your mother is ill. 

It isn’t cancer but it’s similar, and you know that you need to come home.

You pack your bags and leave without a second thought, because maybe Madrid was far enough. Maybe there is a reason Ona signed for her home club again and most of your friends still live relatively close to their parents. 

Maybe you are not meant to be separated from those you love, because running away is futile if you are always going to end up together again. 

In Barcelona, a modelling agency eagerly draws up a contract with you. Although you are from there, your career being based in Milan previously creates an international allure about you (or so they say), and you are assured that work is going to rush towards you as though someone has just knocked down a dam. 

Your job is secured, your mother begins treatment, but there is something you cannot shake off. 

It hurts to think of Ona, to think of how you left things, but it helps, too. Seeing her face in your mind is comforting. You hear her voice as you drift off to sleep, and you let it soothe you in your dreams. 

“Ona has a girlfriend,” her mother tells you when you next visit them. Her frown is unexpected because all she has ever wanted is for her children to be happy and loved. “It’s not right, it doesn’t feel right.” You begin to shrug your shoulders and crawl into your shell, but she interrupts your thought process; “I think you should go see her.” 

“Why?” 

The woman rolls her eyes. “Just do what I say.” 

You nod because she is so scarily sure about it, and you… It’s hard to believe, but you call Ona. 

She picks up. 

“I was sorry to hear about your mum.” 

“Don’t worry. She’s fine.” 

“Are you back at home?” 

“Yeah, I am.” You pause. “Well, not quite. I’m living in Barcelona.” 

Something fizzes in the air; pops, crackles. 

“Need me to show you around the city?” 

And it’s Ona, so how could you say no? 

…

Your visit goes very well. 

She takes you out to dinner and shows you around her neighbourhood. She introduces you when she runs into people she knows, and she is insistent about dragging you to her football match on the weekend. 

Everything is seemingly forgiven and Ona is intent on integrating you back into her life. 

She wants you to feel at home, though she knows you should already, and she wants to lessen the stress of hospital appointments and death and, if not death, then a difficult recovery. 

You are sitting in her apartment – now devoid of all signs of Lucy – on her comfortable sofa, watching something together after a day of walking around and sealing up the cracks that formed in Andorra.

Sitting leads into cuddling and then into wandering hands that eagerly roam underneath layers of fabric.   

Ona’s breath hitches as you brush the hard lines of her abs, your hands particularly drawn to them and just how strong she has become. “You must have only felt them on men,” she offers as an explanation. “How many have you slept with in comparison to–?”

And your hands stop.

“Sorry,” Ona mumbles, seemingly upset at her outburst. “I’m just curious. I can’t work you out.” She can’t quite look you in the eye, mainly due to the logistics of your position, but she isn’t sure she wants to see the truth attached to her statement. 

You question if that’s a good thing, the fact she needs to ask; the fact that she has no choice but to communicate. It was going to happen sooner or later. “A few,” is what you settle on. Ona leaves it at that, carefully pulling the hair tie from your plait, unravelling it with one hand as the other rests against your stomach in an embrace. You smile. “You’re not going to ask who?” 

Her fingers stop for a moment. “No.” She speaks so quietly, her voice almost a whisper in your ear. “I don’t care about them.” You relax into her more, feeling her against your back, feeling the softness of the blanket against your feet as it hangs at the edge of the sofa. 

“Who do you care about, then?” 

“You.” 

Carefully, both her hands hold your hips and she sits you up, smiling as she does. You tell her she’s showing off, she replies that you are always showing off. To that, you brush those hands from your sides and lean down to kiss her, more decidedly for once; more in control. It’s a surprising feeling for both of you, the forcefulness. Urgency. Not unfamiliar, but unexpected for this time on this day. 

The last time you kissed Ona, you had a boyfriend. 

Your mouth goes to her neck as soon as she decides that she wants her hands back on your hips, pushing you down into her lap. It’s now a competition, you think. She’s quickly coming completely undone by your kissing and biting, but you are not ignoring the feeling as she makes you grind down, makes you need that friction. “Fuck,” you moan in her ear. She grips you tighter. 

You start to pull off her shirt having had enough of the grey between you, asking if it’s okay, if she’s sure she isn’t too tired. Her reply is, “take it off, god,” and then the removal of your clothes that get thrown just shy of the wine glasses set out on her coffee table. Leggings aren’t the most practical for impromptu sex, but she’s quick and smooth and someone who has definitely done that before. 

With your bare chest on display and almost nothing between Ona and you, she lifts you up for a moment with the intention of flipping the two of you, getting you on your back. You pause for a moment, trying to decide if she’s doing it because she wants to or because she thinks that’s the only way to do it, but her hands are moving now, up your sides, round the front of your chest and you relax. She laughs quietly, amused, because the tension dissipates, dissolving like sweet, sweet sugar in hot coffee as soon as your legs wrap around her back. 

Ona asks before she does it, picking you up and laying you back down without needing to part her lips from your own. You watch her as she sits up, body in between your thighs. “You’re going to just stay there?” She shakes her head. “I can top,” you tease, a stark contrast from how it was the last time you did this. Ona doesn’t like being told she can’t do something. However indirectly. 

“Yeah?” You nod, biting the smirk out of your lips. “I don’t care.” 

You are in the process of rolling your eyes when her cocky mouth is put to good use. Your underwear was taken off at some point earlier — you hadn’t realised. Ona’s head moves between your legs, up and down, your hand that isn’t holding onto the sofa in her hair, the soft waves lacing between your fingers. 

She’s good at it; thorough, practised. Her tongue circles your clit for a moment before dipping into your entrance. Something about the cockiness of her movements, her tongue, her hand rubbing between her own legs, makes everything more surreal, more blissful. She moans softly, lips kissing their way up your body, hands no longer focused on herself. Instead, they take the place of her mouth, two fingers inside you as quickly as it takes for her to ask if you are okay to carry on. Your reply (“yes”) is cut off quickly by her mouth on yours, tongue swiping at your bottom lip in another question of permission. You can taste yourself on her. 

At her command, you sit up, letting her pull you back onto her lap as she sucks at your neck. “Don’t leave any marks,” you warn as her teeth pull a whimper from your supposed stoicness. “I don’t want the makeup artists asking questions.” It comes out too late, because you feel her teeth graze your collarbone quickly, not painful, no, but something that feels so, so good. “Ona.” She sighs in disappointment and adjusts where you are in her lap, so your legs are either side of her thigh. 

You find yourself rocking slowly, letting her savour your breasts between her hands and her mouth. She whispers that she wants to see you come, that you don’t need to hold back – not with her, not ever – so you start grinding down, harder, faster. Her hands drop back to your hips, guiding your movements, forcing you to slow down when she feels everything building up. Each time, you let out a “fuck” and attempt to go against her grip to get that friction. “Not just yet,” she mutters, no longer touching you anywhere other than where her hands meet your hips and her thigh presses between your legs. 

“Fuck off, Ona,” you breathe, frustrated. “When, then?” 

She slows the pace even more. “Can you last a little longer?” You look at her face, brushing away the strands of hair that have fallen over her eyes, ghosting your fingers along her cheek, running your thumb along her lips. She smiles again, eyes creasing slightly. 

As her hands drop to cup your face, you say, “you’re beautiful.” 

Ona blushes. 

You look down at her exposed cleavage, nipples pebbled against the sports bra that is unusually low-cut. It might border on intense staring as you begin to grind against her with the intention of actually getting off now. She laughs, saying her eyes are higher up than that, but going back to her trail of kisses along your jaw nevertheless. 

For what seems like longer than a few seconds, the build up finally stops, the tower toppling over in a rush of pleasure. Ona’s hands move your hips as your head drops to rest on her shoulder. She talks you through it, telling you that you look so pretty, telling you that she’s so turned on. 

And that’s when she whispers it. 

It has taken years to get to this moment, many of them filled with unnecessary suffering. 

It has taken years but it does not matter. 

Ona tells you that she loves you and that is when you have finally come home. 

[mrzombielover]

- slow ride ch1

feat. sinner!adam x fem!hotel worker!reader

series masterlist | next chapter

warnings: NSFW, enemies to fuckbuddies, adam and reader both suck, unhealthy relationships, size kink oooops, light degradation

a/n: oh my god this is so self indulgent. something is fr wrong with me bc all my favorite men are irrevocably fucked up and toxic and emotionally damaged and would treat me like shit teehee

wc: 2.2k

“You took my shame and you took my pride / And now you gonna take me for a slowride”

When even Charlie is trepidatious about checking someone in to the hotel, you know they’ve fucked up bad.

Adam had shown up, tail between his legs, admitting something about how he’s “desperate enough to try anything,” even this “stupid delusional humiliating hotel.”

Charlie, who’s more like an angel than Adam ever was, had ultimately decided that he could stay. After a lengthy and heated discussion, she’d reminded the group that the hotel’s policy states that everyone deserves a chance at redemption, regardless of the sins they’ve committed. Considering he killed your friend, you thought that was bullshit, but it’s Charlie’s hotel at the end of the day, and you’re just along for the ride.

You like Charlie, which is why you put up with having Adam around. She’s a good person- genuinely, deep down. There’s no hidden motives in her actions. You’ve not met many good people in your life, so she’s won your respect, even if you have your doubts about the hotel’s premise.

But for as much as you love her, you briefly questioned her sanity when she asked you to keep a special eye on Adam.

“…and how exactly is that the job of treasury secretary?” You deadpan.

“Wellll…” Charlie trails off, looking away for a moment. “It isn’t really. Buuut what if I was asking as a favor, for your friend?” She clasps her hands together, giving you a smile. You have to avert your eyes from the hopeful look on her face before your resolve cracks.

“No way in hell,” You say quickly.

“Please!”

“No,”

“Pleaseee!”

You bite your lip as you think. He’s obnoxious, yes, but what’s really the worst that could happen? You close your eyes and sigh.

“…you owe me one,”

You regret accepting every day. Nobody got along with Adam. Well, nobody except for Nifty, who seemed thrilled to have a real bad boy staying in the hotel. You, however, got along with him the least of all.

For someone who’d come to the hotel in his time of need- who was in no position to ask for anything other than forgiveness- Adam sure has a smartass mouth. It seems Charlie just wants to give you a brain aneurysm, that’s why she gave you this job. Even if that wasn’t her goal, that’s certainly the stage you’re approaching, because fighting with Adam everyday is 100% going to make you pop a blood vessel.

You can’t help it. Something about him- the way he acts, the forced proximity, just gets under your skin, makes your eye twitch. He should be groveling, begging for forgiveness, putting his heart and soul into bettering himself, yet all he does is bitch and moan. Constantly complaining would be one thing, hell’s full of whiners, but he also feels the need to voice every thought he’s ever had, which often includes insults and snide remarks about those around him. You’ve never been one to take that shit- though, nobody at the hotel really does. It seems to be much worse with you two, specifically, though.

The problem comes in because, as much as you hate to admit it, you might sometimes occasionally have some things in common with him. No, you’re not quite as loud or crude or obnoxious, you don’t generally insult people for fun, but if someone deserves it?

You’ve tore into people for way less than murdering your friend, showing up on your doorstep and being a pain in your ass 24/7, especially if you’re in a particularly shitty mood. Reduced people to tears for mildly inconveniencing you, having an annoying voice, wasting food, etc etc… all of which Adam does.

Generally, you’re apathetic to what goes on around you, especially at the hotel. You’re fed, don’t have to pay rent, and can pretty much do whatever you want, so dealing with the annoying, traumatized, dramatic residents and staff is a fair trade off in your eyes. Adam should, in theory, be no different than the rest of them to you. So you cannot, for the life of you, figure out what about him makes him so much worse than the rest.

You just try not to think about him as much as possible. But when you ignore him, he just seems to get worse.

“Jesus, you don’t think it’s a bit early to start drinking?”

You mentally groan as you hear his voice, avoiding eye contact as you crack open the bottle.

“I mean, Isn’t this shithole supposed to be for rehabilitation?” You can practically hear the smirk in his voice as he opens the fridge.

“Why don’t you focus on your own rehab first, dick? Been weeks now and you’re still an asshole,” You snap, before taking a swig of your beer. He shrugs, grabbing the orange juice from the fridge and placing it on the counter. He walks past where you’re leaning on the counter to get a glass.

“I mean, damn, you didn’t even try today, huh?”He laughs.

“Why are you pickin’ a fight with me right now?” You raise your voice a little, exasperated and too hungover to deal with this.

“oh, uh, i dunno… i’m bored?” He shrugs again, looking over to you with a self satisfied smile. You groan in frustration, then sigh, forcing yourself to keep it together.

“…and you wonder why your wives left you,” you mumble with a roll your eyes, turning to quickly leave the kitchen. you don’t see his face, but judging from the sound of a crash and footsteps quickly following you into the hallway, you hit a nerve. oh, god, here we go…

“you fucking junkie bitch!” he yells after you as you stomp up the stairs.

“you’re proving my point right now!” you say over your shoulder.

“Like you have room to talk? Let’s bring up your love life, huh?!”

“oh my god shut up!” Angel yells through the door as you pass his room. “Every fuckin’ morning with you two!”

Adam ignores him, continuing to rant as he follows closely behind you, every degrading name he can think of spilling from his lips.

“…fucking whore cunt- whose not even fucking listening to me!” he says as you turn into your room. you turn, attempting to slam the door, but he sticks his foot in the gap and grabs the door, shoving it back open.

“what in the fuck is your problem today?!” you yell.

“it’s you, bitch!”

“oh my god- how do you care about anything this much? Seriously, it’s not that deep!”

you jump a little as he suddenly slaps the beer bottle out of your hands, the glass shattering loudly and the leftover beer soaking your socks. your jaw drops, outraged, and you can’t help the reflex to reach up and smack the side of his head.

“ow!” he yelps, and you raise your fists to hit him again, when-

“you- fucking bitch-!” he shouts. you cry out in surprise as he grabs your wrists and yanks you with surprising ease, shoving you roughly into the wall behind you.

theres a struggle, both grunting with the strain of pushing against each other as Adam wrestles to keep the upper hand. You go to knee him, but he moves quicker, slotting one of his legs between your own and pressing his body against yours to pin you completely against the wall.

then, something changes. he pauses, the close proximity seems to have finally registered in his brain. his eyes widen and you pause too, both panting, faces inches apart. his grip loosens, and a flicker of confusion crosses his features.

“wait, what’s-“

“shut up,” you snap suddenly. before you even realize what you’re doing, your hands are on his chest, and you’re shoving him towards your bed.

“take off your shirt,” you command as the back of his knees hit the mattress and he’s falling backwards. he quickly does as you say, looking up at you with wide eyes as you straddle him and rip your own shirt off as well. he mumbles a nice when he sees you’re not wearing a bra. you reach to tug off the sweatpants you had on, and as soon as you can kick them away Adam’s hands are on your waist and flipping you over. He hurriedly rips off the rest of his clothes before he’s back on you, leaning down to eagerly press kisses down your neck. you have to tilt your head to make room for the horns now permanently attached to his head, and you think of the irony of this situation.

the sound of fabric ripping followed immediately by two of his fingers finding your clit makes you gasp. you bite back a whimper as he begins to rub rough and sloppy circles on your clit. the pleasure doesn’t last long before he’s pulling his hand back, only to shove a finger inside your cunt quickly, and you gasp again. being so unprepared, the stretch burns a bit. fuck, has he always had such big hands? he’s gentle at first, as he works the single finger in and out of you, and once the pain subsides, he quickly adds a second one.

“Oh, fuck,” you can’t help the curse that slips past your lips, and before long you’re rocking your hips against his hand. his movements are rushed and sloppy, impatient as he stretches you out. he chuckles dryly, and you shoot him a glare.

once again, before long, he’s pulling away, and grabbing you by the shoulders to make you sit up with him. you whine involuntarily at the loss of contact, and the cocky bastard laughs again.

“So impatient, babe,” He grins.

“Shut up,” You say again, pushing him so that he’s sitting up against the bed frame. You crawl over to him, and straddle his lap. His hands find your ass, groping it roughly while you grab the base of his cock and align the tip with your entrance.

You both gasp in unison when you swiftly lower yourself to take his full length. A strangled moan escapes from your lips and you let your head fall forward to rest on his shoulder. Eyes squeezed shut, you wait so you can adjust to his size. Seriously, how had you never noticed how big he was before now? Prematurely, Adam angles his hips and suddenly thrusts up into you, making you cry out in pain and pleasure.

“Oh you like that, bitch? Huh?” He says teasingly, running his hands up and down your back before moving his hips again.

“You have seriously got to learn to be quiet,” You retort through gritted teeth, reaching up to pull his hair from the roots. He lets out a groan, followed by a more pathetic whine as you begin to move on his length.

It must be all the pent up emotion, because you’re very quickly unable to speak beyond a few curses and wanton moans. Adam however, can’t seem to stop talking. Mumbling about how good you feel- for a whore, how he didn’t think you’d be so tight, how you’re so fucking sexy he wishes he’d done this sooner.

“Ugh, Adam- shut up!” You groan as you move desperately. He whines as you pull his hair again for emphasis, biting his lip as you feel his hips snap up into yours.

“Oh, god-“ You’re squealing, back arching as you can feel your whole body tense. You’re on top, but as you grow more limp, he’s holding you upright as he roughly fucks into you. “I’m close!” You warn, and it comes out a strangled sob.

You’re so, so close. Euphoria clouds your brain, and collapse onto him as he continues to hold you up to thrust into you.

You fall backwards, and Adam follows, caging you underneath him as he chases his own release now.

“oh- fuck- don’t stop!” You’re practically screaming as your orgasm crashes over you, and you wrap your arms around and claw at Adam desperately, fingernails leaving marks on his fleshy back. You only faintly register the breathless laugh he lets out at your state as he now pounds into you.

He slams into you with an intensity that forces the air out of your lungs, and even Adam can’t form thoughts or speak anymore.

“Oh, fu-uuck, fuck, fuck, oh my god,” He can’t believe the noises that are coming from him, but he also can’t find it in himself to care when you feel this good. You’re so sensitive, and still tight from your previous climax, and he can feel your pulse in the walls of your cunt as you clench around him.

Pleasure quickly turns to overstimulation, and you moan his name again, reaching up to pull at his hair, horns, wings, anything, as tears begin to prick at your eyes. Hearing you moan his name, seeing the look on your face, knowing he’s the one doing this to you is what he needed to send him over the edge.

“o-oh my god-“ he groans, hips stuttering as he presses his body as close to yours as possible, spilling his cum deeply inside of you with an actual moan.

He stays still for a moment, both of your breathing labored, sweat making your hair stick to your foreheads and necks, but you stay holding eachother. While both your brains are still fuzzy, thoughts muddled from the aftershocks, he takes a hand up and wipes your hair away from your face, and the tears from your eyes.

Eventually, he sits up and pulls out of you, rolling over to lay next to you on the bed. Neither of you say anything, too fucked out to think of the repercussions from your actions.

[vax-merstappen]

F1 boys as reputation songs

bc rep is my favorite era 🖤

Lando Norris

So It Goes:

Lando is absolutely the kind of guy who can “make everyone disappear” and mesmerize someone. He also screams “I’m not a bad girl but I do bad things with you” energy. He absolutely could make me cave and do literally anything and maybe that says more about me than him but 🤷. Also I think he is definitely a bit rough when it comes to love and “scratches down your back” would really fit with him.

Oscar Piastri

New Year’s Day:

He is so soft and sweet and the type that would definitely feel sentimental towards his girlfriend. He is absolutely the type of guy who would want to spend time with someone even if it was just cleaning up a party after new year’s. One of the sweetest guys on the grid absolutely fits the sweetest song on reputation. I adore imagining soft moments with Oscar and this song just fits that so well.

Max Verstappen

End Game:

Max gives big end game energy. He currently has the biggest reputation on the grid to uphold and a lot of haters, which resonates a lot with this song. I feel like people are also always trying to make drama about Max, which fits the line “I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me.” I think he is just such a first-string, A-team driver on the grid that end game just has to go to him, at least as of right now.

Charles Leclerc

Gorgeous:

Like look at this man. He is stunning. Also “ocean blue eyes, lookin in mine.” He also screams boyfriend I can’t have energy and I think that he just fits this song so perfectly. Can absolutely imagine staring at this man and longing for this pretty boy. He is gorgeous and I question anyone who says otherwise.

Carlos Sainz

Don’t Blame Me:

He would be such a passionate lover that would inspire lyrics like “I get so high every time you’re loving me.” He is the diver that I can see driving someone crazy with love. I also believe he would fall from grace just for his lover. He would be fully committed to a partner and would stay with them for “the rest of my life.” Maybe it’s the ferrari red that makes me think of him as such a deep and passionate lover, but I really think he fits this song so well.

Lewis Hamilton

Call It What You Want:

Absolutely think this song belongs to Lewis. I feel like any girlfriend of his would be a priority in his life and he would make her feel so special, à la “loves me like I’m brand new.” I also feel like he absolutely is a chill guy who is “high above the whole scene.” Lewis is the type of guy who wouldn’t want to strictly define his relationships and would want to simply focus on making his partner happy. Also me personally I think he has “starry eyes.”

Daniel Ricciardo

Dress:

He gives off major best friend who you’ve been pining for energy. I can imagine him looking at you in a brand new dress and noticing how he really feels for you for the first time. Also his positive energy really fits the lyric “even in my worst times, you could see the best in me.” The golden tattoo line fits with his tattoos as well and I can imagine getting matching tattoos with Daniel. He would be willing to take off your pretty dress you bought.

Yuki Tsunoda

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

Yuki seems like the most devoted boyfriend who would do everything he could to prevent the world from splitting you up like the line “you said there was nothing in the world that could stop it.” Yuki would also be the type of guy who would tune the world out for his girlfriend, like “can we dance through an avalanche.” If you wanted to keep dancing through an avalanche, Yuki would be right there with you. He would never want to leave your side.

Alex Albon

Delicate:

He is totally the kind of sweet guy who would not care about his girl’s reputation and would love her for herself. I can picture making a late night confession to him and him just pulling you close and letting you know that everything will be okay. I could also completely imagine looking into his eyes to “pretend you’re mine all the damn time.” Just the sweetest guy who would hear you out if you needed him to listen.

Logan Sargeant

King of My Heart:

Ok so this one might be a bit of stretch to some, but to me it just seems right. Logan is absolutely the driver I can imagine “drinking beer out of plastic cups” on a roof with. I also think the American Queen line fits perfectly because Logan is such an American king on the grid. With the “never took me quite where you do” line, Logan definitely is the guy to know a spot and take his girl there and make the place their own special meeting place.

[i-still-mask-because]

ok so i read a lot of things from other Covid conscious people about masking as community care and why it’s important to steer the conversation away from individualism, and I really do believe in that, and I worry so much about the people I see who don’t wear masks or take covid precautions

BUT i’m also absolutely petrified of developing any other health conditions because I already have several (not immune related & they don’t make me super high risk for covid) chronic pain/disabilities and i can barely deal with them as it is. & i feel like because i mask around literally everyone including housemates, there’s such a low risk of me passing anything on to other people that i don’t really need to worry about it? which only kind of makes sense so i try to check that thought when it comes up

I’m worried that my Covid precautions are just coming from a place of individualism anyways and maybe if I really cared about community care as much as i should, I wouldn’t be so focused on my own personal health?

and sometimes i feel like i’m “better” than my friends who won’t mask Anywhere (except in a car with me bc i asked them to) but if it’s all just coming from self-preservation, i worry i’m just as bad. (& obviously this is nuanced too, like i’m trying to talk to them abt this and understand their points of view in a way that makes space for them to join me in being covid-conscious but it’s arguably not accomplishing shit. too early to tell)

sorry this is very longg but basically i’m just wondering if you have any advice or thoughts on that, & how to be less individualist in my covid safety? thank u for everything you do on this blog, it means so much to me <3

Hey there 👋🏾

I don't think it's individualist if the main reason you mask is for self-preservation. There's a lot of people that are masking because they need to for their own self-preservation. And that doesn't make the choice to mask a self-centered, every-man-for-himself decision. It's just self-preservation, which is necessary. I'd rather hang out with someone that's masking because they know they cannot risk another covid infection over someone that dropped masking because, "It is what it is man, I just wanna live my life!". I think the fact that you want to survive is important, and you should give yourself credit for that. And from the outside looking in, you going out in public with a mask is community care in and of itself because there's without a doubt someone that needed the protection you're giving them.

In regards to you feeling like you're better than your friends; I honestly get it. I don't necessarily think I'm more superior than anyone for masking, but I get the feeling of feeling proud of myself for still staying strong in keeping up masking despite all the odds and alienation. And I get feeling good about being well-informed and prepared. You mentioned that you've been trying to get them on the same page as you, but it's been feeling like pulling teeth; I absolutely get how you're feeling. If you feel like this is impacting the way you perceive your friends, I think taking time to sit with and process the kind of dynamic you want with your friends could be helpful, and working from there. I wish I could suggest some covid-cautious counselors who may also understand for you to talk to, but I'm really not sure of anyone right now 😭 (if someone happens to know, please feel free to share!)

Anyone else is free to share their thoughts and suggestions, of course!

[bcolfanfic]

young vets au brain dump - croz being complicated version

(disclaimer: i love croz. me making him a complicated little shit in this au should not be interpreted as character bashing. i find his journey over the course of mota fascinating and figuring out how to translate that to a different setting/different war has been a fun thought experiment for me. pls don’t jump me. messy characters make the world go round!)

him and jean met in high school. sweet babies.

then they *had* a baby a lot sooner than they were really expecting. both of em out of high school, but barley.

they love each other and do everything right but shit is hard and the military preys on people trying to make ends meet

so, well- 1+1=s 2 off to basic he goes.

ends up in afghanistan around the same time bucky and gale and all the other guys start rolling in there.

also ends up there with his bff from basic training, tech school and everything else. bubbles <3

the two of them end up bunking with demarco and douglas which is quite the right brain/left brain dynamic lol.

croz and bubbles' side of the room is snowglobes and kid pictures and demarco and douglas' side is women from magazines taped on the wall god love em.

gets along decently well with everyone but.

then bubbles dies and that's when everything really starts to go to shit.

i wrote a little about his initial fight with bucky about the IED that killed bubbles here.

they don't really make up from that.

for a long while.

croz is in a spiral about losing his best friend, bucky is starting to not do so well with the preindictment they're all in himself and they just. really set each other off.

kinda freaks everyone out bc they remember sweet baby face croz who puked a lot but now he's just different. damn war.

it gets to a point where him and bucky can't be in the same room without popping off at each other. and everyone else is having to micromanage them on top of having to do their actual jobs in war zone. (70% of the time its brady having to keep bucky away if not gale. croz's "insurance" buddies are rosie and douglas)

does end up getting involved with a girl in another unit

douglas and demarco clock it before anyone else bc he starts coming to bed at weird hours and they see him around this girl and just knowww.

pisses demarco off esp bc he had a whole Thing with finding out his girl back home cheated on him.

one night demarco decides to wait up for him to get back from wherever the fuck it is he goes with her at night and just about fucking jumps him and douglas has to pull him off (after he gets a good whack in)

it was a *loud* commotion of a fight lmfao bucky could hear it from their room and wanted to go see what was going on but gale was like noooppeee. no y' don't.

croz ends up telling jean everything. she forgives him. ("women! eliza could leave alex now for cheating on her. or not. as she wished." - vanessa nadal on eliza hamilton)

him and bucky make up during the pull out from afghanistan bc bucky just about saves his life in the chaos.

poor croz just breaks down crying/panicking about how he wants to go home. and bucky doesn't see that little shit that he's grown resentful towards, he sees that nervous pukey kid from when they first met

buttt...post war things get a little dicey again.

bc he stays in.

bagram sucked the war sucked but. he still has a family to provide for, he's not totally on the outs with the forces so he ultimately decides leaving would be more work than it's worth.

gets deployed to raf mildenhall base in england and gets to move with his wife and kiddos to england so. not a bad deal.

but there are. feelings. amongst the others about him staying in.

especially curt- who is the most "fuck all of that and the government too". getting his leg blown off fucked him up 7 ways to sunday and just completely shaped his view on it all.

the two of them get reallllly into it once when all the guys are together and it gets. ugly.

curt says a whole lot of shit about how he doesn't know how he can look at his kids knowing what they saw happen to kids overseas, what /they/ endorsed by being there. croz says its none of his business- he had his reasons for staying in, curt says name one that isn't selfish and it just. escalates. till they're both yelling and mean. croz eventually says something dumb on impulse about how he won't apologize for not letting the war radicalize him against his country and curt has to be yanked back from decking him lmfao. just another night!

if the others weren't all friends with both of em him and curt would not fuck with each other at allllll but. they love their friends more than they dislike each other so they smile and grind their teeth and *try*.

the whole thing with bucky's drinking issues brings them together because they're on the same page about that at least.

have a longgg talk when all that is going on. and it makes curt's chest hurt bc man he really has his issues with this kid but. he knows he's doing what he genuinely believes he has to, knows he only enlisted to begin with bc he felt like it was the only way he could provide for his family.

knows that all the issues he has with the guy the fuckin military is to blame for just as much if not more than croz is himself.

a more lighthearted side bar: bucky ribs him about staying in a little too- is just more lighthearted on it bc they have become more friendly since they left bagram (and get to being even better friends once they bucks have josie).

one night they're talkin when croz complains he can't do what he wants with his facial hair because of regs and bucky is like wellllll if you gotta the fuck outta there you could grow a handlebar mustache. don't let your dreams be dreams kid!

[laura1633]

My English is bad asf but imagine this, enemies to lovers omegavers . Max is an omega but everyone thinks he’s an alpha because omegas normally look smaller and softer, and he hates being an omega bc his father always told him that omegas are so weak and that it’s better to act like an alpha since he’s not pretty like a normal omega anyway. So him and Charles are the best drivers and most attractive and dominant alphas on the track , only Daniel his childhood friend knows that he’s an omega. Lestappen are the most competitive rivals in F1 since childhood they fight and bicker all the time, but what nobody knows is that Max has a huge crush on alpha charles , Charles also thinks that max is his rival dominant alpha ( and if he spends a lot of time stalking his instagram and zooming on his lips  and chest it’s only between god and him) . Everyone thinks that it’s the most intense rivalry and that they hate each other, except Max’s sister because she knows her little brother and she had seen how his cheeks flush at the mention of Charle’s name, she always teases Max about it  all the time but he keeps denying that he has a crush on Charles , they talked about it once and Max ends up telling her everything about how he cries in his room  every time he sees Charles with his girlfriends and how he try to say things that makes Charles angry as a defensive mechanism because he’s sad that he would never be with him. It becomes their secret and he goes to rant about charles to his sister every time he gets fed up , she encourages him to reveal that he’s an omega as a start but he always refuses because of his past with his father. Anyway one day he forgets his pills and ends up having a heat after the race, Charles wins but as he celebrates he couldn’t see Max which makes his win not enjoyable because the best feeling after winning is seeing the look on Max . He asks the others where’s max and Lando tell him that he looked very sick and went straight to the hotel, Charles gets so worried and tell the others that he doesn’t feel good and that he will get rest and then come to party about his win with the others . He goes directly to Max’s hotel room telling himself that he’s just here to rub his win in Max’s face but as he stands in front of the room and smells a very beautiful omega he can’t help but feel so angry like how dare this little shit skip Charle’s win to go fuck an omega?! He doesn’t think before knocking forcefully on the door and all he hears are pained whimpering , he pauses when he recognizes the voice as Max’s and say (Max ? are you there?) and Max panics at the thought of charles in front of his door during his heat , he responds with a shaky voice ( Charles I can’t now please go) and Charles replies ( I’m not here to annoy you are you okay??)  and then he hears Max’s sobbing so he repeats in a panicked voice ( Max?! What’s wrong?! Fuck open the door Max!!) a shiver runs down his body at the command and he goes slowly to open the door, when he does Charles is shocked by seeing Max’s status, tears running down his red cheeks and red lips with cute messy hair , but what gets him speechless is Max wearing his sweater, Charles’s sweater!! And when Max remember what he’s wearing he turns so red 

(You’re an omega..) Charles says in a shocked voice and then he sees that a lot of his clothes are on Max’s bed  making a nest which makes him realizes that max likes him , and max burst in tears saying ( don’t laugh at me) between sobs . Charles gulps and tries to come out of his shock and say ( Oh my god Max I didn’t know.. I would never laugh at you why would I? ) Max keeps wiping his tears with his sweater’s sleeves , Charles sweater . Charles takes his hands and sits with him on the bed edge and talks calmly while putting a strand of Max’s hair behind his ear ( tell me what do you need? Do you have suppressants ? Do you want me to call someone?) , Max blushes and whispers ( you ..) 

Ch: you want me? You want me to stay? 

Max nods and can’t look at charles in the eyes, Charles pick him up bride style to put him on that bed and lay down next to him , he notices that Max is still uncomfortable and then he realizes that the omega wants to get  closer 

Ch: do you want me closer? 

Max nods and sighs comfortably when Charles pulls him to his arms and hugs him tightly while they scent each other, they sleep for hours , Charles forgot about his celebration he can’t think about anything when Max is in his arms looking like an angel 

Thank you for letting me know that I can post this anon or not. I have posted it as it was received and have to say its so lovely 🥰! (Also your English is definitely not bad!)

It's so sad at the beginning with Max being led to believe he's not pretty or delicate enough to be an omega!! He is absolutely beautiful and deserves to be told so. I could see why he would use anger as a defence mechanism!

The fact Max collected Charles' clothing to put in his nest is so adorable but him thinking Charles will laugh at him! Poor Max 🥺

I am so happy he has Charles to look after him at the end. Being cuddled up with Max would definitely be better than going out to celebrate.

I love angst with a happy ending (especially rivals to lovers) ❤️ Thank you so much for sharing this.

[stuckinapril]

I know studying and learning is your thing but I can't help but feel unmotivated with university. I know I'm extremely privileged to be able to attend it but I always feel like my classes aren't that fulfilling (overall I think nothing would ever be that fulfilling to me) very much wish I were studying something more practical:'( I know there are way in which I can try and improve my life but I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied (I also think the odds of getting those things™ like a good job once I graduate are very unlikely but I'll still try)

And like university makes me feel so bad to the point where I'm almost depressive and want to stay at home, do very little etc

It’s my thing bc I love what I’m studying—and love the act of studying in and of itself! I’ve truly been this way since I was a child, and it really helps that I’ve felt called to science and medicine from a very young age. I also view studying as a fun skill/game/challenge, as opposed to demonizing it into something I have to do but don’t enjoy (a symptom of the US education system for sure, so I don’t blame anyone for feeling this way, but I’ve managed to break past it). Passion has never been the issue for me.

If I ever slacked w school, it honestly always originated from a place of being distracted by other things—phone, people, circumstances… it was never a matter of dragging my feet about learning, unless it was something I didn’t understand right away lmao (I literally hate not understanding something off the bat). Doing hard things attracts me at this point of my life, but it hasn’t always been this way, and isn’t always this way. Everyone has down days.

To not be passionate about what you’re studying is a completely different matter, and something you should absolutely dig deeper into without feeling guilty for doing it. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy or unmotivated. And please don’t let the fallacy of sunk costs stop you. It doesn’t matter how far into your degree you’ve gotten; no time is better than the present when it comes to changing paths. You don’t want to be shackled to something you don’t like doing for the rest of your life. Also consider other factors that might be preventing you from studying efficiently, like phone addiction or other intrinsic problems, and try to address those in turn. Maybe it’s a combination of making lifestyle changes and a degree change, maybe it’s just changing degrees, or maybe you’re better off looking at other avenues. Whatever works best for you.

Overall we’re all very different people, and just bc one path is working for someone doesn’t mean it’ll work equally well for somebody else. I love school, but I can still recognize it’s not the perfect fit for everybody—and it’s very much far from being the only fit. There are so many ways to go about your life these days. No way is inherently better than the other. I hope you figure it out & do what you love friend

[jaeyunniesimp]

I'M A FOOL TO WANT YOU (s.jy) part one part two

pairing: badboy!jake x fab!reader

tw: angst, mentions of alcohol, mentions of drugs, family issues, kissing (?), mentions of food (lmk if there’s more!)

wc: 2.5k

a/n: hi loves! i was at a total creative block, but then i was listening to frank sinatra’s song that inspired this title, and a lamp lit up in my brain nshdjsjd hope you enjoy it 🥺 luv y’all / this is not proofread so ignore any typos or grammar mistakes :p

synopsis: you weren’t exactly the most famous person in school, but you weren’t a total loser either. You’d say your presence was unremarkable, which somehow feels worse than being hated. He, on the other side, was the most adored person amongst other students. The popular, don’t-give-a-fuck type of bad boy anyone would fall for, and as much as you’d like to say you’re different, you couldn’t feel otherwise.

“i’m a fool to want you, to want a love that can’t be true, a love that’s there for others too”

You’d fallen for Jake Sim a long time ago, probably in middle school, when he was still a no one, a nerdy kid. That was until high school, where his looks matured and his attitude changed. Now, that both of you are in the same college, he never failed to grab other people’s attention, including yours.

Making new friends was certainly difficult, specially when everyone around you is so different from you. Sunoo was at this point your only true friend, the only person you could count on and rant about your problems without the fear of being judged, not just a fun-to-go-out-with friend.

Today wasn’t exactly the best of days. Your parents were fighting again, so you’d be better off staying at the dorms once more this weekend, your brother was drowning himself in drugs and partying a lot, just to numb the sadness he felt from witnessing your family crumbling apart, which made you worried. Although it pales in comparison, the day was also gloomy, which defeated all your hopes to be optimistic about what was yet to come.

Friday mornings used to be your favorite, now you can’t wait for them to end, knowing everyone probably has nice plans besides you. You’re already dressed in your grey sweatpants and your Metallica shirt (ride the lightning bc it’s the best and you got ✨ taste ✨), turning on the kettle to boil some water for your morning tea, when you feel your phone buzzing.

— Hello? — You answer lazily.

— Y/N! Please tell me you haven’t had breakfast yet! — Your best friend pleaded from the other line.

— I was just boiling some water, but I can turn it off. Why? — You replied, pressing the “off” button.

— I found this really cute café and they have bear shaped donuts, we have to go! It’s right beside campus. I’ll send you the address and we meet there, okay? — He asked, excitedly.

You agreed and hung up the phone, feeling kind of sad that you didn’t comply with his excitement.

Hugging yourself, you try to hide from the wind, mentally swearing at yourself for not bringing a coat. You see a little excited figure hopping with their arms up, signaling for you to come closer faster. You can’t deny, that even with all the gloominess you were feeling, seeing Sunoo made you just a little warmer.

Smile spread wide along your face, you hug your friend and quickly get in the store, protecting yourselves from the cold. You ordered a cup of milk tea and some cookies, while he got the infamous bear shaped donuts he was fawning over.

— Are you going home this weekend? — He asked, sipping his coffee.

— Nope. Tryna’ avoid conflict, don’t really wanna see my parents right now. Nor my brother. — You answered looking down to the cup you were holding.

— Hm, I see… You never talk about your brother, though, I don’t even know his name! — He argued.

— Yeah… We’re very different people, and he pretends he’s an only child to his friends, so I might as well just don’t give him that type of attention to mine. — You replied, annoyed.

— Why does he do that?! — His mouth was almost theatrically open, in utter shock.

— I don’t know — You shrugged — He puts on this facade, pretending to be someone he’s not, I guess that includes pretending our family isn’t completely fucked up.

After eating, you both gathered your things and went to your designated classes. Today was Friday, though, which meant Jake had the same classes you did in the morning. God, how do you pay attention to anything math related when Jake fucking Sim is sitting across from you?

You were entering the classroom when you felt a strong bump on your shoulder, almost knocking you down on the floor. You turn around and see no one other than Lee Heeseung, your brother. Not alone, though, he was with Jake. Since when did they become friends? You had no idea, but he was even crashing his classes.

He bumped into you on purpose and you knew it, which meant he was mad at you for whatever reason. You looked at him from across the room with burning eyes, which made him roll his and switch his gaze back to his friend.

You sat on the desk next to Jake’s, watching your brother’s eyes fall upon your figure as you did so, burning into your soul with anger. He wondered what were you trying to do, what moves would you pull, sacred you’d expose him. You couldn’t care less, though, you just knew that if you sat close to them he’d be worried and paranoid the entire time and that was enough revenge for you.

The day went by very slowly, turning every now and then to glance at Jake, pretending you were trying to look at Heeseung instead. He looked extra good today, with his black leather jacket draping over his shoulders, his blonde highlighted locks falling ever so gently on his forehead, your brother had to be really angry to not realize how your eyes were filled with adoration when you looked to your side.

But it kind of made you sad, though. That wasn’t any boy you were admiring, it was Jake. He never hooked up with a girl more than once, and he still managed to get many, and they were all WAY out of your league. They didn’t wear sweatpants to class, nor showed up everyday bare faced. They were just as admirably good looking as him. You really were longing for someone who couldn’t dare to even look at you, less be yours only.

The bell rang after what felt like an eternity, and to your luck, your best friend was already waiting for you outside. You went his direction and started chatting, but your eyes were wandering somewhere else. He was quick to pick up on it, though.

— No fucking way. — He said, mouth open.

— What? — Your gaze suddenly moved back to him.

— You? Fawning over Jake Sim? — He was just speechless.

— WHAT?! — You jumped off your spot, closer to him, almost palming his mouth for him to shut up. — I’m not!

— You we’re staring at him like he was a piece of food! Y/N, don’t get me wrong, he’s handsome as hell, but he’s a fuckboy and you know it. — He explained.

— I’m not simping for him, Sunoo, get over it.

— Okay, sorry — He held his arms up in sign of defeat. — But if you’re in for a one night stand, we could give you, like, a glow up montage so he would look at you…

— Oh thank you, I feel flattered. — You said ironically.

— That’s not what I meant and you know it! You’re gorgeous, but right now you’re kind of following the depressed core style, and it’s not doing anything for you.

He was right. You barely dressed up properly to go out anymore, and you can’t even remember the last time you wore makeup. It was tempting, but should you do this just because of a guy? It felt wrong.

— Sunoo, I’m not gonna do that just because of some guy. — You said, despite your inner urge to actually do it.

— Okay, sorry, just pitching ideas.

“i’m a fool to seek a kiss not mine alone, to share a kiss the devil has known”

The weekend finally came, and you were unexpectedly excited. Sunoo had a birthday party to attend, and he asked you to go with him. You would usually deny or feel uncomfortable going, but it had been so long since you’d had some fun or even dressed up nicely, you were excited to do so.

There was no point going back home anyway, your parents decided last minute they were going on a business trip, leaving the house empty. Partying it is!

Your makeup looked gorgeous, and your short black silky dress hugged your body perfectly. Sunoo was shocked at the sight of you, feeling happy for his best friend who was finally going to have some fun.

The party was packed, a lot of students from your school were there, getting wasted and making out with each other. You and your best friend had a couple of drinks and were just having a good time. You played board games, despite your brains not being at full capacity at the moment, which only made it funnier, did karaoke, and just gossiped all night long. You certainly hadn’t been this happy in a while.

You didn’t even pay attention to the people who were at the party, only sticking around Sunoo and his other friends. About 4am, you decided it was time to leave.

— But campus is so far away from here, we’d have to walk! — Sunoo argued.

— We can go to my parents house, it’s only a mile away and they’re not home anyway. Please, I need to sleep! — You suggested.

He gave in and you two were quickly on your way. It took you a little longer than usual to get there, with your dragging feet and drunk steps, but once you’d made it, it made you feel victorious. You opened the door quietly, out of muscle memory, forgetting that there was nobody home.

You both quickly got in, still taking feather light steps, Sunoo going straight to the bathroom to wash his face, while you went to the kitchen to grab some water. You grabbed a cup, and as soon as you turned on your heel to go around the counter, two bodies appeared out of nowhere, one of them holding a broom, and the other a lamp (?), ready to throw hands.

You screamed, surprised, dropping your glass on the floor, and they screamed at the same time, only to realize it was your brother, who was also at that party and had the same idea as you. But he wasn’t alone. Of course he had to bring Jake Sim to your parents house. Perfect.

A terrified Sunoo ran over your direction and turned on the lights, to meet the weirdest scene he could’ve pictured. Two of the school’s jocks in front of you, holding “weapons”, and glass shattered on the floor.

— What the fuck is wrong with you?! — You screamed, pushing your brother’s chest.

— Me?! You should’ve said you were coming home! — He argued.

— Oh, so now you care about me or what I do? Do you still tell other people you’re an only child? That’s why you needed the heads up? — You mocked.

He let out an annoyed scoff, rolling his eyes.

— That’s your brother? — Sunoo finally spoke up from across the room.

— You have a sister? — Jake asked, with a smug grin on his face.

His eyes landed on your thighs immediately, causing you to adjust your dress, trying to cover yourself up a little more. You were angry. Fuming. You couldn’t care less about Jake Sim right now.

— Oh great, you’re ready to clean this up! — You went up to Jake and stated sarcastically, pointing at the glass on the floor and the broom he was holding.

You left the kitchen without saying a word, despite your brother’s protests, and quickly grabbed Sunoo’s arm and led him to your bedroom.

— So you never bothered to tell me your brother was Heeseung? Lee Heeseung? THE Lee Heeseung? — He asked, plopping down on your bed.

— Okay, I get it! Whatever, he’s popular, but he’s an idiot. — You answered, removing your heels. — You can sleep here, I’ll take the couch.

— No it’s okay, you should sleep on your own bed. — He got up reluctantly.

— No, really, I hate it here, you can have it. — You argued.

— If you say so… — He mumbled, before drifting off almost instantly.

You let out a small chuckle at your friends action, then poorly removed your make up, put on an old oversized t-shirt, and made your way downstairs, desperate to get some shut eye. You were almost throwing yourself down on the couch, only to squeal lightly when you realized someone else was already lying on it.

— Fuck! You scared the shit out of me! — You whisper-yelled. — Great, I’ll sleep on the bathtub.

— What? You don’t like to cuddle? — The guy answered you, drowsy.

That’s when you realized it wasn’t your brother, it was his really handsome friend lying there.

— Oh shit, sorry, I thought you were Heeseung. — You suddenly became shy, and quickly turned on your heel to go wherever, as long as it wasn’t the living room.

But before you could make a move, a hand grabbed your wrist, making you go back and accidentally sit down on the couch.

— You can sleep here, I don’t bite. Don’t tell me you’re actually sleeping in the bathtub because you’re nervous around me? — He asked, his eyes still closed.

— I-I’m not! I don’t even know you — You answered, trying to let go of his grip.

— I see you looking at me in class, I know you know me. Just lay down and sleep, for god’s sake. — He argued.

You sighed in defeat, after a few seconds of silence, not knowing what to say. His arms draped around your waist, hugging you, as you laid with your back against him. You could feel his warm breath hitting the back of your neck and it made your heart race.

— Relax — He chuckled, resting his face further down your neck, which only made you feel more nervous.

You decided that you should fake it until you made it. You started telling yourself that it was alright, relaxing into his embrace, letting your hands fall on top of his. Your heart was still beating out of your chest, but you were acting like you were used to him.

That was until he started softly kissing your neck, trailing down near your shoulder, holding you tighter. A part of you wanted to let him continue, but another part of you felt so used. You knew you’d be only another girl he slept with, and you couldn’t allow yourself to go through that.

— What are you doing? — You asked firmly.

— Hm… Kissing you — He said in between kisses.

— Really, I just wanna sleep. ��� You said, taking your hand off his.

— Alright. — He answered, a cold tone in his voice.

He took his arms off you and laid on his back, facing the ceiling. You felt cold and somewhat empty, you wanted more of him, but you know you shouldn’t. You fell asleep right after, hoping that when you woke up, things wouldn’t fall apart like you felt they would.

next

taglist: @loves0ft

[x-plain-cherik-ffs]

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE VS MCU - the post.

We’re going to compare both universes :), so buckle up and get ready bc this is gonna be a wild ride.

( this isn’t my way to try and point which one is better, I love them both, but it’s my opinion )

1- THE AVENGERS.

MCU’s avengers are full of angst. I think their film has the biggest joke count, but they spend like 80% of the saga arguing, which, I gotta admit, makes better their bonding moments, but still.

Steve’s the leader.

AA’s avengers are the dream team. They do not work together anymore but they assemble one more time to save their friend ( because that’s what they are, friends ) and then keep working together. They know each other, they understand how everyone works and are practically a well-oiled machine.

Tony is the leader.

MCU’s Avengers work together because they need to, AA’s because they want to, and it shows in the team dynamics.

2- STEVE AND TECH/PAST

Both Steves are old men, so we obviously can’t expect them to be as skilled with technology as anyone who was born after the eighties.

MCU’s Steve lives in the past. He tries to adapt to the future but we can’t see him actually trying to live there. When he has the chance to go live with Peggy in the 50s, he takes it. We don’t know if he gave it much thought, but he spent years in the twentieth century and he still couldn’t find a single reason to stay.

( Natasha and Tony were dead, but he still had Buck, Sam, Clint, Thor, Bruce Sharon, Peter P, the rest of the avengers… )

When AA’s Steve was given the opportunity to return to the Second World War with Peggy, he realised that his life was now there.

He was used to searching on the internet, and holograms, and murderous robots, and phone calls, and spaceships and else. He was used to the avengers, to having a team. A family.

And he knew he couldn’t give that up.

He wants to honor his past, not live in it.

[ also here’s a link with cool headcanons I really liked about this ]

As OP said in her post: people like to forget that modern technology is really intuitive, and Steve shouldn’t have that much trouble using it.

Pd: in AA there’s a scene in which Tony promises Steve to help him understand technology, one step at a time without it being overwhelming, if he teaches him how to be a little more “Analog”.

I’m not saying either of them ( Steves ) loves technology, but only one of them introduces it into his life and is eager to learn about it even if it’s hard for him.

3- HOWARD STARK

I wanted to talk about it given that in both universes Howard has appeared and/or has been talked about by Tony.

Neither AA nor MCU had me satisfied with this point.

⛔️( TW: alcoholism, parent abuse, underage drinking until after the green light )⛔️

Howard Stark is known to be a shitty dad in every universe. In the comics, he verbally and physically abused Tony and because of that he turned his back to people, because they, unlike machines, were too unpredictable. He forced him to drink alcohol from a young age, he tried to trade him to Dracula for immortality, he fought him in hell, he sent him to a boarding school because he wasn’t “man enough” and there are many fucking more.

Both Tonys have trouble with self-worth, building relationships, talking his problems, showing weakness and are always trying to make themselves necessary, and whose fault is that? Exactly. ✳️

They spent years resenting Howard for everything he did and everything he was not ( a caring, supportive, DECENT parent ) ( which they had all the right to do ), and still they tried to live up to his expectations. Even dead he was still making them feel not enough.

He always compared them to Steve Rogers, the perfect soldier and the perfect man, which made Tony resent Steve too when he met him.

What does this prove? Resentment is corrosive ( see what I did there? ) and Tony had no reason to love Howard! He only felt bad, insecure and unsafe around him, and all he makes him feel before and after his death was self-loath and resentment.

Maybe AA and MCU’s Howard didn’t do all that, but the series/films still showed that he wasn’t a good father either.

MCU’s Howard told Tony in endgame he already loved his son even if he hadn’t even been born yet. [ literal words: Let me tell you, that kid’s not even here yet, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him ] This initially comes as sweet, right? Because he loved Tony.

But when you think about it, this means that Tony didn’t live up to his expectations, like it was his fault his father didn’t like/love him and he failed even if he didn’t do anything. He literally said he loved him more when he wasn’t there than when he was. He told him he did something wrong, when all he was doing was be himself.

No wonder he has self-esteem issues.

He didn’t do anything for him, except filling him up with trauma.

Both Howards said that Tony was their greatest creation. ( MCU’s a few moments after neglecting him and make him feel like a nuisance ), as if the way Tony turned out ( a good, intelligent, caring man ) had anything to do with him. He turned out that way TO NOT BE like him. Because all the shit he had to go through made him care.

He was never there for Tony, he TAPED himself doing fatherly-things instead of teaching them to his own son personally ( okay, he died, but Tony was like 17 when he did, he had the time, he just didn’t spend it with him ) [ https://smthgavengersassemble.tumblr.com/post/160060510540 ]

And when Steve talks about them in both universes, he does it as if he were a hero and Tony had to make him proud. AND TONY AGREES.

[ AA 2x17- Transcript -

Tony: you don’t get it, Arsenal was my father’s greatest creation

Steve: no, you don’t get it. Arsenal’s not you father’s greatest creation. You are. Make him proud, Tony ]

*GASPS*

THE AUDACITY!

When they met him as their adult-selves, they hugged him and had conversations with him as if he wasn’t ( in the best case ) an absent parent and ( in the worst ) an abusive one.

[ Here’s a nice post about that ]

So can anyone really be mad about Tony not trusting people or coming off as “mean” or “harsh” just because he’s afraid of getting hurt?

Next time I talk to a Howard Stark apologist I will commit a crime.

4- TEAM DYNAMICS

AA’s Tony is the leader, though he’ll take Steve advice blindly. He usually calls the shots but everyone’s free to give their ideas ( which will be heard and taken into consideration ). The rest of the team mostly just follow Steve and Tony’s orders because in the heat of the battle there isn’t much time for consideration.

AA’s Tony is sarcastic, charismatic, practical, intelligent ( duh ) and mathematical. He’s all about probabilities and physics and stuff, but he also has his moments of what I call “believing in the power of love”, which basically means acknowledging that being human, “vulnerable” and different from each other is what actually makes them invincible and unbreakable.

When he jokes he does it to make people believe he’s funny or to make them laugh ( at least that’s what I think )

MCU’s Tony is all of the above except “the power of love” moments. He loves humanity but he doesn’t acknowledge it as much as AA’s does.

When he jokes he doesn’t do it to come up as “funny”. He’ll say everything and If it’s fun, cool. If not, he doesn’t care.

He’s cool, tired, and he has spent all of the saga adopting every child he’s come across [ Dad!Tony Stark ]

AA’s Steve is way less problematic than MCU’s. He’s lighter, takes things seriously but not to an extreme. He cares about trainings and being prepared, he takes his job seriously and is very responsible.

MCU’s Steve is more serious, we don’t see him worry a lot about everyone training, just him. He cares about plans and preparation. He is also more conflictive.

In AA when Steve and Tony have a disagreement they talk, and they don’t attack each other ( verbally or physically ). They communicate. In the MCU all they do is fight and accuse each other, never really talking, but arguing because the other doesn’t make things the way they would.

[ this post shows the differences between AA and MCU’s Steve ( and Stony ) perfectly: ]

Clint ( ah, where to begin with )

AA’s Clint has nothing to do with MCU’s.

They literally just share the name and the aim.

AA’s is more like 616’s Clint. He’s carefree, cocky, fun, cool… he’s like the teenager who thought he was a cool kid. He loves food and 80% of his dialogues are bad puns ( or really good ones ), and he wears glasses because of the aesthetic.

MCU’s is serious, a certified dad. He jokes sometimes but nothing to really remember him for.

Nat is Clint’s best friend in every universe.

Gotta admit it, I like MCU’s Nat more than I do AA’s ( even though

In AA she is like this serious, mean, badass, harsh, mom of the group lesbian. ( she’s not a lesbian but she could be ), and I love her, but MCU’s more elegant while still being all of the above, and that’s the Natasha we love and would die for.

AA’s Thor is comics’ Thor. He talks like he’s a thousand years old ( which he is ) and has all this respect for the war and the customs of each culture.

MCU’s Thor is like some dummy in comparison. In the first two movies he’s serious and war-like, but in the last two he’s a lighter, funnier, sort-of-dumber version. ( Don’t saying I don’t love him, NOBODY CAN HATE THOR )

Now Hulk. In AA we usually just get to see Hulk, not Banner, and we gotta admit that Hulk is smarter in the series than in the MCU.

In the MCU we get to see Banner, which is a plus, and even though he’s not my favourite character I don’t dislike him.

And last, but not least, Falcon. Now if the hawkeyes were different, this is a whole other level.

They don’t have ANYTHING in common. Not even the age.

They’re both Sam Wilson and they’re both Falcon. That’s it.

In AA he’s practically still a kid, he’s like 20 years old and really smart. He usually helps Tony in the lab and creates stuff of his own too, but he shares Steve’s patriotism. He’s a mommy’s kid and he’s the newbie, but he doesn’t really shine.

In the MCU he’s a middle-aged man, ex-soldier and gives the best advice. He’s really sure of himself, he started off as a secondary character but now he’s a protagonist and captain America ( loved that ). He really steals the thunder when he’s in the scene, and he’s cool af.

AA’s avengers are much closer than MCU’s. They share things in common, experiences, they live together. There’s a certain domesticity we can see in each chapter, plus the banter and the “Hulk finished all the popcorn” stuff. They also help each other out, they have their bonding moments, they get over their pasts with each other’s help… they can count on each other unconditionally.

[ There was a time they were fighting Thanos and they won, so they were in the tricarrier and Steve felt something was off. He acted in consequence, and told the team Thanos was messing with their minds. He said “don’t you feel something’s not right?” ( or something like that ) and Tony answered “No, but if you do that’s good enough for me”. AND THEY ALL FOUGHT AGAINST THANOS. Now, THAT’s TRUST. THAT’s TEAMWORK ]

( credit to @justlous-art )

In the MCU they have some sort of strict-work relationship because they’ve proved that they can’t be together without a war for more than five minutes, at least on screen. We’ve seen them have parties and eat together, but it’s not like they’re actually connecting ( short of Nat & Clint, Nat & Steve and Hulk/Banner & Thor ).

That doesn’t mean they don’t care for each other deeply or that they can’t be considered friends, after all they’ve been through together there’s no doubt they care, just that they don’t share the same relationship and there are some parts missing.

5- AVENGERS DISASSEMBLED/CIVIL WAR

Now here’s something really simple and really complicated at the same time.

These two events happened because of different reasons.

When the avengers disassembled in AA it was because Tony kept important secrets regarding the team’s and Earth’s well-being and safety. He was putting them in danger, running blindly into the unknown, and Steve gave him a few opportunities to amend that, and he knew that he was on thin ice, but still he didn’t.

Steve told him he couldn’t be in a team where he couldn’t trust the leadership, so he left, and Hulk, Falcon and Natasha left with him.

They formed two different teams, one lead by Tony and other by Steve ( who was working with shield ) and even though they weren’t on talking terms, they still worked together ( not merrily, there was a lot of angst between them ) to save the Earth.

MCU’s reason to disband was that they didn’t agree on the sokovia accords

( here’s how each Steve thinks about that btw )

I admit it makes a little sense given the government’s punishments, but it all went downhill in the moment the winter soldier came up.

Now, I understand that MCU’s reason to cause a civil war was much bigger than the accords, and their reactions weren’t so off given that the winter soldier was the murderer of Tony’s parents and Bucky was Steve’s best friend, so I’m not gonna comment on that because I myself couldn’t have done it better.

We all can understand that in the heat of the moment we don’t make rational decisions, and peace was not an option in the moment Tony discovered Steve knew almost everything from the beginning and didn’t tell him. ( that was a shitty-person move ) ( Steve totally took Tony’s trust, spat on it and threw it under a truck )

In the link above we can see this gif, which I think counts as a conclusion for this point.

6- STONY

This is the last point, and the one I’ve been looking forward to.

There’s no doubt AA’s Stony is full of sweet, playful banter, care, mistakes, amends, fun, trust and forgiveness.

AA’s stony is the home of gay!Tony and bi!Steve, the fluff one-shot. Mutual pining, best friends to lovers, idiots in love!

MCU’s is more of a bi!Tony, gay!Steve, angsty 300k slowburn. It’s the enemies to lovers version, full of hurt/comfort.

It completely depends on what you want, and that’s totally up to the viewer/reader.

( I personally love AA :)) )

AND THAT’S IT!! THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED-TALK!

This one is the friends-to-lovers, established relationship, fluff, one-shot version. The bi!Steve, gay!Tony version.

MCU’s Stony is the Angsty enemies-to-lovers and emotional hurt-comfort slow burn. The bi!Tony, gay!Steve version.

( credit to @dakt37 )

What you choose depends on what you like best, it’s simply a matter of preferences.

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

(I loved your dead boy detectives game!)

Hey just read your tags and I totally agree with you with you— in every fandom I have been in, there’s at least one major fanon character interpretation that feels like a misinterpretation to me. So that being said, I don’t think it’s inherently bad to make a post with different evidence, because that’s what makes fandom fun! It also might be a relief to other people who also weren’t into the earlier meta analysis. I think where it gets hairy are the little comments like “everyone who disagrees with me is bad/dumb/stupid” that get tacked on at the end, or direct references to people who like other characters or ships all being malicious. There’s just no need for that, and I’ve seen it a lot in the past few days from some folks. :/

Games and general analysis spread a lot of positivity though! That’s what keeps fandom alive and makes people feel like they’re part of the fun. Thanks again for starting that ask game.

Actually, I started that ask game specifically to meet people!

Big fandoms are usually riddled with ppl who annoy one another, so my strategy is usually to *start* in the tag so I can block any blogs that would stop me from having fun with fandom, and whittle it down to a mutuals group so I can eventuality just use my dash instead.

I decided to use a mixture of surface, deep, and canon-irrelevant questions in order for others who use it to see multiple types of answers that blogs might not post otherwise, and realize which blogs they like. I think asking questions someone might not think to make a post on otherwise can be very revealing. Ask engagement is a really fun way to make friends here!

I think there are definitely points where mischaracterization can be malintended or even just accidentally harmful- reducing characters to either just their actions or just their circumstance runs the risk of stereotyping them or romanticizing/demonizing their behaviors, neither of which makes fandom a fun or accommodating form of socializing. Personally I take a non-confrontational approach and try to narrow my interaction, but I really don't know how to make fandom safer in general. I don't want to waste time on people who don't care, but it is hard to tell the difference between people who will and won't listen until you spend time asking!

Part of why it is difficult (for me) to make that distinction is fandom language. "ship" is a big one! When people "ship" a pairing, I don't know whether they mean it is interesting, whether they want it to be canon, whether or not they think it is healthy, whether they think it is already implied, or some other meaning, all of which change how and if I'd interact with them- and making fandom friends is part of why I'm here! I don't really have a solution here either, but it is pretty hard to navigate and pretty easy to get lost 'round these parts.

It's also hard to tell with popular fanon if people *know* it's fanon

Anyways, half of that was totally irrelevant to the ask bc I got into a tangent, but basically thanks for visiting my blog, even if you don't stay long! Have fun with fandom ! <2

(And one last hot tip! I mentioned going into the main tag before finding the blogs y'all like, but character tags, art/fic/meta-specific tags, and ship tags will tailor more to your taste!)

[magebastard]

wip wursday

thank u @coldshrugs for tagging me im NERVOUS abt this 1

im soft writing an if that may stay unreleased forever bc i don’t know if i will have the willpower to consistently post updates but im done w a prologue and half of chapter 1 and it’s been a treat to write about the most romantic place on earth (a tiny beach town in new jersey) here is a scene that I had to email to myself months ago bc I couldn’t figure out how to configure it into actual code properly but this is the first major flirt scene with the ro im in love w the most currently can you tell I started writing this after re-watching the bear

tagging @mrs-theirin @lalizah @darkspawntaxcollectors @grapecaseschoices everyone truly please I need to read my pals beautiful writing

Huh. You think you'd be wise enough to know when hunger is the culprit behind your bad moods at this point in your adulthood. That cloying, constricting feeling in your gut roils in response to Jordan's good-natured accusation and your lips flatten into a smile of surrender. He snorts. You hop up to sit on the counter across from his work station.

Sticking around after close isn't too outrageous of an ask when he's the one offering to make you dinner.

Damn, but it smells good in here. You imagine it'll get old—the smell of diner food permeating the modest industrial kitchen. But now it's only making you too aware that your last meal was a stale cereal bar nearly nine hours ago. Minutes pass. Jordan bobs his head to the music playing from his phone, speakers echoing where it's propped up inside of a clear, Tupperware tub. You don't want to upset the calm of a man's kitchen closing ritual but it feels like you should say something.

"I'm sorry I snapped. I didn't mean to take my bad day out on you," you finally settle on.

His dark eyes flit to yours for barely a moment. It's not too much but it's a strange intimacy. The last two employees on a closing shift, practically basking in the quietened building. It'd be peaceful, if it weren't so bizarre.

You turn your attention to his hands. Quick and certain, he methodically prepares your omelette with an artful precision. Almost more bizarre than sharing this calm moment with your coworker, is the care he measures into each ingredient, delicately incorporated. The effort is so thoughtful, you try to swallow past the sudden tightness in your throat.

"It's all good. I've been here long enough to recognize that ‘I didn’t take a lunch break’ look on anyone," he finally responds. There's a feint, fond smile on his face and it's impossible to deny the warmth of his handsome features. You smile along.

"You know everyone here pretty well?" It's not a question you really need answered. It's obvious. The guy practically has his head on a swivel for the revolving door of coworkers coming in to update him on their personal lives, which he responds to in kind with questions or anecdotes of his own. If there's one thing you've gleaned from your first week back at the diner it's that Jordan is adored as both a friend and a pillar of the business. He's got a singular kind of reliability.

You don't realize you're still smiling until you catch him staring, his hands stalled over pan and fork.

[thesungod]

their theme is so inconsistent like at the beginning it feels clear, being who you are and accepting each other’s darkness, but the way its done is 😬 and then it switches up to being literally budget toa saying “well everything can change yk??? don’t stay in the darkness” but in a horrible fashion and they’re acting like this is what they’ve been trying to tell me in the past 400 pages when it ISNT dont LIE to ME

i don’t think EITHER of them was reading the book as they write they were just mashing words together bc im watching a book promo for it rn and rick’s saying that will likes nico bc he likes nicos ““darkness”” and how intrigues him and mark’s saying neither of nico or will wants to change that core part of the other. which explains away him in BOO trying to tell nico that nobody disliked him—being that will was projecting his own feelings about nico onto others—and also relates will to apollo even more with their need to reach out to outcasts and love them. but then they didn’t write that they literally wrote that will doesn’t like it and he wants to fix it. thats my STEP SON and they did that to him.

rick did not want to write this book at all, and mark probably projected their nico stanisms onto the other characters without justifying the stanisms. you can really tell when rick has a passion for writing something and when he could not care less. the subtle toa promo in one of the gorgyra scenes and apollo’s updated glossary—he wants you to read toa so bad he could not gaf about this book. and yet apollo is never mentioned positively like give him back to me.

speaking of mark i think this is just a consistent issue they have when writing. i read reviews of one of their books (anger is a gift) and some were very negative about the way the narrative made the protagonist the most righteous person ever and completely revolved around them. ifl that issue bleeds into this book as well.

i saw people (including the writers) say this book is darker than a lot of rick’s other books and i really need them to shut the fuck up; THO literally had kids tied up in crucifixes to be burned at the stake 😭

ok sorry for the ramble i see the letters tsats together and i go on a rampage

you absolutely ate this up!!

also laughing at you calling it “budget toa” because that’s exactly what i said to a friend about this book once. i felt almost offended over the authors trying to fit the “everyone can change!!” narrative last minute and make Nico the symbol of re-invention after five whole books of ToA. i was very “how dare you stand where he stood” about it which is childish but alas.

i’ve also mentioned several times how will and nico’s conflict in the book was not intriguing to read about because it was inconsistent. not to mention that according to the timeline they’ve been together for a year!!! an entire year!!! and the book still has Will acting #shocked that Nico, idk, likes darkness.

the Mary-Suing of Nico literally the worst thing to ever happen to me. i’m usually all for my faves winning, but that’s after they’ve been through the mortifying ordeal of losing, yk. and i get that Nico has been through a lot but the book was basically a 400-pages-long ass kissing and i couldn’t do it.

i couldn’t even feel particularly moved or vindicated by Bob pledging loyalty to him in the end because it wasn’t cathartic at all. i was like we get it dude lol

same with his “friendship” with Piper tbh. not everyone needs to like Nico😭 i would have totally loved it if the book had shown a friendship progress organically through their grief for Jason or common interests (even if just briefly narrated through a recollection!! i’m not saying we needed chapters of flashbacks or Piper as a third main), but Nico does not mention her once ever. they didn’t even like each other in HoO!! then at the end of the book he calls her and he is all like “of course she wouldn’t be angry at me for not calling after Jason died <3 she understands that grief is complicated <3”

my king Piper isn’t angry at you for not calling because she dgaf about you. why would she. who are you to her

another thing I’ll never get over re: Nico and Will’s relationship is how, per the book, Nico encouraged Will to come out and was the first one of the two to do so, when every. single. thing written about them in the Hidden Oracle suggests the opposite.

why the fuck is Nico so reticent and embarrassed about admitting to be Will’s boyfriend in the first book of ToA if it’s Nico who came out first? IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CAMP might I add?

because i get that coming out to someone doesn’t necessarily mean being comfortable coming out to everyone, but Nico announced his crush IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CAMP. and asked Will out. and Will wasn’t out at the time. so whyyyy is their dynamic on THO literally the opposite of this? with Will pushing Nico to be more open about their relationship while Nico plays coy? because Apollo is Will’s father? idk, maybe i guess😭

but it’s pretty obvious the change in the dynamic was established later on and that the impression we were supposed to have while reading THO is that Will was the one more comfortable and in tune with his sexuality. like, come on.

[unholyverse]

i want to know i want to know about it so bad tell me about it. please

ok a lot of people sent me the asks for it but i will answer yours because :3

sorry in advance for formatting i’m on my phone and tumblr never shows me the right image thumbnails

ok so sometimes i’ll subscribe to the slumber podcast patreon bc. honestly i think they’re more enjoyable together when they’re being boring and talking about mundane shit. but one of the times i wasn’t, i see this on the podcast twitter

and me <- fic writer with morbid interest wanted to see what the fuss was all about because:

travis is writing a fic about his very real and personal friends

travis is writing a fic about his very real and personal friends’ to the theming of the album (that’s supposed to be) about religious guilt and sexuality that as far as i know, said writer of said album has not discussed with him because of the nature of it

this was set in travis’ knockoff pokemon au he sells books of on amazon (i don’t think awsten has read any of his books including this one)

on top of that when i open the first chapter, he says he wants to post this to ao3 when it’s done. i want to punt him to a wall until he goes splat like a cartoon before he’s able to do that.

ok so this is where the terror starts for real. there’s only 5 chapters up so far but each chapter is supposed to correspond with a track on intellectual property (which is 11 tracks….)

so we start on chapter 1: ST*RFUCKER

in this chapter, awsten goes back home from his pop star life in whatever in universe equivalent to la travis has and back to the in universe equivalent to houston while he muses on a recent falling out with some oc travis also made up named ash.

oh did i mention im pretty sure travis made everyone gay in this. bc he did. travis made everyone gay in this.

and here’s when i start to see some of the notes other friends have made about travis’ writing from reading his other books. it’s almost like…too travis than anyone he’s trying to write lol. it feels like i’m just reading travis self projecting more than writing the thoughts of another character (who is. his irl friend)

so awsten gets reacquainted with his parents who are loving but just don’t Understand him and his big city habits and clothes now but it’s fine.

oh and travis made jawn and awsten have a past hookup in this. did i mention that bc he made that a thing.

the chapter ends with awsten not getting a text back from ash and getting pissed at it in his childhood bedroom.

and that brings us to chapter 2: real super dark

travis starts this with awsten having a post coital convo with ash and flashes forward to the present where ash won’t text him back.

as awsten is mourning this, he starts thinking about how at least he never wrote a song about him and travis makes awsten muse on the ciara situation but replaces her with a guy literally called NAMELESS.

normal things to write about your irl friend hahahahaha <- i’m starting to lose my mind but know this isn’t the worst of it.

after this is the part where travis texts awsten to come to a party at his place and it becomes very apparent how much travis has fucked with his own self characterization LOL.

here, travis characterizes himself as an avid drinker and party boy that awsten begged to go to the in universe equivalent of la with him, but travis stood his ground and stayed back home. in real life, i think travis is like a sentient piece of white bread and the general coolness of a high school anime club. also i feel like awsten ignores travis sometimes for his other friends. sorry travis.

when it hits me again that this is something i paid $5 for and this is a guy writing incredibly self indulgent and personal fic that is too self indulgent and personal to be a joke, i stop to ask a discord server of friends if this is insane (they agree it is) and continue on.

in the end, awsten flashes back to another post coital moment with ash before he’s supposed to leave and i have to read the implications of awsten banging the oc travis made up again.

that was kind of a nightmare just from the bare bones of it right? it gets worse. it gets so much worse.

here comes chapter 3: funeral gray (he spelled it like that bc fuck british spelling we’re in the us of a 🦅🦅🦅🦅)

so awsten is at travis’ place which is kind of a shithole and i assume travis starts projecting about his own neighborhood through fic!travis for like a paragraph.

the party sucks and awsten isn’t really around any of his friends so he goes to leave but notices some guy in a gray sweater outside doing the in universe equivalent of filling up his pokédex with one of the creatures under someone’s car.

then after that we have to have this bit of dialogue that reaffirms to be that this song’s lyrics taken literally is probably the most annoying conversation ever.

awsten introduces himself to the guy, who immediately clocks him as a pop star he’s heard on the radio.

then travis ruins the moment by showing up drunk and telling awsten to come back in, where jawn is there and it’s not that awkward for them to hang out despite their weird hookup.

they try catching awsten up with local gossip while making themselves out to a fire pit and awstens still trying to find out who the guy he met with the sweater was. by pure coincidence, the sweater guy is outside having a smoke and awsten is crushing hard like an idiot and then we get the reveal that sweater guy is geoff.

yep. we just got gawstened.

now here you might ask, “oh the friend groups all there where’s otto?”. he is literally not in this. at all. i assume there’s a lot of reasons he’s not in this (he’s not close enough to otto, he doesn’t know enough about him in general, possible jealousy on travis’ part on. things?) but either way. he’s not in this shit at all which i find to be a mercy to otto but also. rather interesting. hm.

ok this got too long that tumblr won’t let me post the rest of the screenshots so i have to do a part two which i’ll prommy i’ll link here later i just refuse to type this shit out myself and i need to show you how this is something he is actually posting.

edit from the future: here’s part 2