#which unfortunate team will make the playoffs??

[any-apples]

guys this is so backwards. the whole east (pens, red wings, caps, isles, flyers) are like trying to crawl away from the playoffs. like. the flyers lose to montreal, then chicago, then the isles, then buffalo AND THEY'RE STILL IN A PLAYOFF SPOT because the caps don't want it and the red wings don't want it. the pens haven't played like they actually want it. and the flyers sure as fuck haven't played like they want it.

all of these teams are running away from these spots. like full on sprinting. and the hockey gods just pick them up by the backs of their shirts and drop them right back into the spot and laugh at them and their suffering.

fate is gonna drag us in kicking and screaming. wild shit.

[couldawouldashoulda50]

From Completely Different Worlds - William Nylander

The Sweden Chapter - Part Two Link to Part One is here

A/N - So, I know I've mentioned a baker's dozen times that my tendency is to write longer fics, even than what I initially intend to. So I'm introducing Part Two now...with the understanding that a third part is required to hopefully tie up all the loose ends between William and Loren. Nevertheless, @misshoneyimhome, we're getting there! Again, thank you for always being so open AND encouraging to talk it out whenever a Loren/Willy thought comes up that I need to work through. Notes and Warnings - goes without saying - profanity, smut (basic p in v, oral - m receiving). Any references to past "goings on" between players and an ex, or current girlfriends, friends etc. in this piece is strictly fiction.

Word count - 5.9k 18+ only please.

Recap - Round One for the Leafs seemed to be plagued with a string of unfortunate events right from the very beginning. After the “Where’s Willy” fiasco began to dissipate, more unusual circumstances took hold which further casted a shadow over the Maple Leafs. As the games in the round progressed, the Leafs lost their grip in Games 3 and 4, finding themselves in a precarious position by Game 5. To add to matters, star player Auston Matthews fell ill, and even more speculation swirled about the almost 70 goal scorer’s dedication to winning. The situation reached a boiling point when cameras caught the 3 star forwards arguing on the bench which quickly went viral. As some headlines alluded to, it really seemed like the team was a total dumpster fire. The team had reached new heights of pressure and scrutiny within Leafs Land.

However, just when all seemed lost, the Leafs mounted a remarkable comeback. After Game 5, William, with an extraordinary performance, single-handedly scored all goals in both Games 6 and 7. Given the tight defense known in playoff hockey, scoring those goals, 3 in total, was an impressive feat. As if the Leafs got a shock from a defibrillator, the team and the city suddenly had renewed hope in mounting a surge to take Game 7.

Joe Woll stood tall, delivering an almost flawless performance in Game 6. He came excruciatingly close to securing a shutout, showcasing his outstanding ability under pressure.

Unfortunately, Woll's sustained an injury late in Game 6, leaving the team without their hot starter for the crucial Game 7.

With Woll sidelined, the responsibility fell to Ilya Samsonov, affectionately known as "Sammy" by his teammates and fans. Samsonov fought hard in the crease in Game 7, making several crucial saves to keep the Leafs' hopes alive. Despite his best efforts and the team's perseverance, fate had other plans. In a heartbreaking turn of events, the Bruins managed to clinch the series victory in overtime, sending the Leafs to yet another first-round exit. The tortured fans, players, and franchise were once again dejected—while others were spurned and filled with outrage.

In the aftermath of the disappointing playoff run, Loren and William maintained sporadic communication. Their interactions were affectionate but brief. Loren was back working several overnight shifts at the group home while scheduling and making lesson plans for her French students. She also wanted to give William the time and space that she felt he needed in the days after Game 7.

William had taken the loss hard, and as much as he wanted to feel Loren's presence, he also wanted to steer clear of feeling the void once she left him again. Instead, he navigated through exit meetings, locker clean-out day, and catching up with friends. He began to feel a sense of excitement as offseason travel plans were confirmed, as well as family get-togethers at their lake house in Sweden.

The day William was scheduled to leave for Stockholm hit Loren harder than she anticipated. She wasn't sure of the time of his flight, but it didn't matter anyway. She already had a pit in her stomach just with the knowledge. She told herself that perhaps by the time William returned for the 2024 season, something between them would be solidified, whether it would break her heart or not. A lot could change for both of them in the coming months.

Outside his building, William loaded his SUV with some additional hockey gear when a message from Loren appeared on his cell. It was a heartfelt note—humorous, nostalgic, and positive. He'd planned to make last-minute stops for Toronto souvenirs for the younger kids in his family, but suddenly, seeing Loren seemed far more important.

Truth be told, he was only planning on video-calling her once he was at the airport. He had a lot of emotions swirling around, especially for Loren. He didn’t want do that Hollywood scene of him driving away, leaving the woman he cared for behind.

However thoughts lingered in his head that it was a shitty thing to do given all the support she gave him, and well - just her being her.

William, who rarely made impulsive decisions, changed his mind. He decided to surprise her and to say goodbye in person before his departure.

The 40-minute drive north felt oddly therapeutic, trading the shadows of the city's high-rises with the shade of mature trees. William thought to himself how much he enjoyed escaping to Loren's here and there after they met. Pablo and Banksy had a yard to run around in, while William and Loren snuggled in a lounge chair on the deck, mouths red from making out.

William had checked that Loren was home before he departed, thanks to her location settings still enabled on her phone. It was weeks ago that William asked her to turn the share location settings on, just to see who would arrive at his condo first - him from the airport and her from the suburbs. He won the race - but she got the reward of him, impatiently waiting and hungry for her to get there.

He pulled along the curb to her house, finding her outside, engrossed in yard work with her earbuds in. She had her long mane pulled through the back of a baseball cap, and the rest of her exposed skin was streaked with dirt and covered in sweat.

William couldn't help but be impressed by the sight of Loren working in her yard. Not to mention that he found her absolutely stunning this way. He surveyed her house, she had accomplished a lot since he was there last. Her porch was adorned with flower containers that had started to blossom with vibrant colors, and had large hanging ferns which added an almost tropical flair. This house represented more than just a roof over Loren's head, and the way she cared for it spoke volumes about how much she effort she put in her surroundings. For a moment, William found himself imagining what it would be like to come home to her, knowing how calm and peaceful she made his space feel too.

Loren turned and spotted William walking up the path. Her eyes lit up and she flashed him a bright smile as as he approached her.

He started to pull her in for a hug her when she stopped him, shaking her head. “I’m filthy, sweaty and probably smell like…hmm….well, never mind - just not good…” she laughed.

William brought her into him and hugged her tightly anyway.

He told her she looked like she could use a break and commented that her yard looked phenomenal. The two walked into the house together, making the typical small talk - Loren asking questions, William answering and then a little bit of teasing each other.

Loren offered William a drink, which he accepted. They sat under the pergola of the back deck, which also boasted lush green plants that provided additional privacy.

Although the conversation remained easy, there was a weight to the overall mood and tone. Loren mentioned how strange it was not to see the dogs trotting through the house after him. Once she said it, her throat tightened with emotions that she had been fighting to subdue. Knowing Pablo and Banksy were already in Stockholm underscored the finality of William's departure.

William could see Loren's efforts to remain composed and positive, knowing that there was a cyclone of feelings that churned inside each of them. She continued to show interest in how the first weeks back in Stockholm would look for him. He wanted to ask her more, but she'd always turn the subject back onto him, almost as though she assumed her plans wouldn't interest him.

It's not how he felt. Not by a mile, but he had a flight to catch, so his questions were left unanswered.

Loren glanced at her watch and knew that William needed to leave. She reached for his empty glass as he stood, following her back into the house.

She set the glasses down on the counter and they began to walk to the front door. Loren was beginning to say her goodbyes, her voice not yet breaking but on its way.

He took a chance and pulled her tightly against him, telling her how deeply he appreciated everything she did for him. He had thought of a million ways to thank her but, knowing how stubborn she'd be in accepting any gratitude, he set his thoughts aside. Yet, he wanted to make sure she heard him now.

Loren's throat tightened as she fought to maintain composure. She endured the firm embrace, yearning for it to never end. William’s kiss followed, a moment so intense it seemed to lift her off her feet. And once again, he was gone.

As William drove away, he grappled with conflicting emotions. He felt he shouldn't be leaving her—she should be coming with him. He understood Loren's past necessity to "live to work," but he admired her tireless efforts to shift towards "working to live."

All the same, it frustrated him that she'd probably never accept anything from him costlier than a meal in an expensive restaurant. Even if he offered to take her on a trip, she'd likely decline, unable to afford "her half” of the cost. Shaking his head at the thought of her stubbornness, he continued his drive back to the city.

Meanwhile, Loren began to undress and have a long, hot shower. The tears that had welled up in her eyes after William had left had fallen, been swiped away, and now had vanished. As she stood in the steady stream of warm water, she contemplated that she had the same thought as the last time he left. She would miss him. She felt he was inherently good and kind, and would always cherish her moments with him.

At the same time, Loren knew the months ahead for each of them would be totally different.

William's days would be filled with seeing friends and family, attending get-togethers, celebrations, and just catching up with loved ones.

He would travel, eat, and drink, while meeting the most beautiful women, whom one, or even a few, might be blessed by his touch throughout the night.

Loren's imminent future, albeit not nearly as glamorous as William's, still excited her. From her staunchly frugal ways in the past, she had learned to save money, which she squirreled away for something unusual—special. She was considering a much-needed break. Two weeks in the Caribbean sounded heavenly, and she almost had the funds to make the trip happen, plus cover whatever time away from work that her vacation pay wouldn't cover.

The additional funds she had begun to make with her tutoring were making other dreams she had more of a reality as well. Loren felt like she was getting control of her life, and it felt good.

—

The remainder of May, and throughout June was spent in William’s traditional manner, a much-deserved period of decompression after a rollercoaster of a season. The 2023/2024 season was one to remember for William. He began the season breaking personal and franchise records, dominated the headlines on and off the ice at the Global Series in Stockholm, and was a fan-voted addition to the All-Stars. He broke his season point total, and scored 40 goals for the second season in a row.

He earned every bit of rest, relaxation and time spent doing whatever he wanted.

William's calendar quickly filled up with an array of engagements. His phone buzzed constantly with invitations from friends eager to catch up. There were tennis matches to watch, exotic vacations to take, golf games to win, and family to visit. With a constant jammed-packed itinerary, moments when he was alone were rare. Nevertheless, William happily immersed himself in the vibrant social life that accompanied his stardom.

However, in those moments he found himself alone, he would occasionally scroll through pictures during his times with Loren. Some were posed shots but some were candid moments. Either way, her beauty and her sweetness was captured in each one. He thought about messaging her, but with hundreds of message notifications every time he accessed his phone, he continually put it off. He considered for a brief moment to call, but he was stuck in a suspended state in his mind - wanting to talk to her but inevitably talking himself out of it.

In late June, William was out to dinner with friends before he departed for the annual Nylander family vacation. It was a fun and casual dinner with one of his closest friends and former teammate, Rasmus Sandin (aka Sandy), as well as few hockey players from Modo, his former hockey club in Sweden.

William’s phone buzzed as it did continuously throughout the day, but this time, the sender caught his attention. It was Max Domi, William’s teammate. Max and William were friends, but at that moment, William found it odd that Max would message him outside of their customary group chat.

Sandy saw the perplexed look on William’s face and leaned in to glance at his phone. The two shared no secrets so William angled his phone for Sandy to see.

Max’s note to go with the accompanying picture was fairly simple.

M - Look who came to visit Estelle today…

A picture of Loren appeared. Estelle, Max’s girlfriend who is a professional make-up artist, took a candid shot of her new model, as Loren touched up her lipstick.

Loren’s image jolted William. He felt an ache deep within him as he absorbed every detail of the photo. Her hair was loosely pinned on either side, her long, sandy blonde curls fell across her back. The little simple satin little black dress that adorned her curves perfectly.

Sandy’s brows lifted on his face as he turned to his long-time buddy. “Who’s that? Wait…that’s - is that Loren?”

“Yeah, that’s her. Fucking Max, man - I don’t know what the fuck is going on.”

“What- so he sent you the picture? What is she doing with him?” Sandy shook his head. “Does he know you two were sort of dating or whatever it was?” Sandy’s expression was a mix of confusion and wariness on William’s behalf.

William exited the picture and re-read Max’s tex. “Hold on - he said she was visiting Max’s girlfriend. Ok, yeah….they’ve met, I knew they had been talking here and there, but I don’t get why she’s all dressed up, like hair and make-up sort of thing.”

Sandy rolled his eyes a little, feeling the answer was pretty obvious. “Probably club-hopping…”

It was William’s turn to roll his eyes. “At 2 in the afternoon? C’mon man.” William chuckled.

Sandy shrugged his shoulders. “Couldn’t been taken at a different time….fuck’d if I know….just guessing.”

William’s stomach was turning, which turned him off the rest of his burger. He texted Max back, and the two quickly caught up with their whereabouts and other goings on.

He was glad the boys just wanted to head home after dinner - William was in no mood for going out to a bar. All he could think about is going home and calling Loren. And that’s exactly what he did.

William messaged Loren first to find out if she was busy. It didn’t take her long to respond, first with a buoyant greeting, followed by she’s at work but she can talk for awhile.

Loren was outside at the group home taking a break on the patio when William video called her. She still had whatever make-up hadn’t evaporated or rubbed off from her visit with Estelle. William was completely mesmerized for a moment when he saw her on the screen.

The pair chatted enthusiastically as Loren asked a million questions, while William willingly answered them all.

In reality though, he was the one with the burning questions and he patiently waited for the right moment.

It came when Loren apologized for bombarding him, and asked if everything was ok.

“Oh, yeah - everything’s good….I just - Max sent me a pic of you today and —”

Loren interrupted with an apologetic groan. “Fuck, I’m so sorry - I told him not to bug you with that.” Loren continued with a slight laugh. “I don’t know if you have to use reverse psychology to get Max to listen - I just didn’t want him to bother you on vacation.”

“Loren - it’s no bother - it’s a beautiful picture…I’m glad he sent it but I didn’t really understand…I mean, are you and his girlfriend hanging out or….like three of you or….?” William’s voice trailed off.

“No, I - not really. Estelle and I sort of kept in touch after we met that first time you brought me out at that lounge. I needed some advice from her and I reached out. Ended up taking some pictures at her little studio.”

William's nerves began to settle. He realized that he had a certain possessiveness towards Loren, especially a) when he was thousands of kilometers away from where she was and b) she was in close proximity to Max, his current teammate. Max had a "shared" experience with a girl that later dated William, which added to his overall unease.

Loren explained that an unsolicited and unexpected opportunity arose which just happened to be right up her alley. The catch, however, was that it involved Loren teaching French dialogue to mature students, which would be recorded and posted across a number of social media platforms. Loren was never one to post much online, and William saw the humor in Loren landing a job that would shove her completely out of her comfort zone.

Loren heard William laughing as she rhymed off every self-deprecating thought she had about being in front of a camera. She jokingly scoffed at William not to make fun of her as she laughed along with him.

Despite her own misgivings, the company that hired her was thrilled with what they saw, but they wanted Loren a little more "glammed up," so she reached out to Estelle to help balance her makeup with the ring lights used for recording content.

William asked how the company discovered her in the first place.

Loren sighed. "Oh god—it was Chelsea, my friend's daughter, who roped me into doing this thing for her new position at her work. She's the one who lent me all of those clothes—you know, that red dress and—"

William fucking loved that dress on her. "I remember it well—you surprised me in it one night… that was a fucking good night…"

"Mmmm… it was," Loren said affectionately. She remembered it well. too. William had invited her to stay after returning from a road trip to Buffalo back in late March. The minute William walked in and saw her in that dress, he bent her over the arm of his couch. It was the first time he had been more dominant with her, and she couldn't get enough of him that night.

Loren had to veer off the memory lane of past sex-capades with William and get back on the subject.

"I just—I have never really gotten into the whole influencer, content creation stuff… I didn't really realize how it all worked. I've known Chelsea for a long time—she's always asking to style me. When I agreed, she kind of interviewed me about the tutoring thing after I was all dolled up. She presented it to her company, they loved it and she got the green light to post it. One thing led to another and all of a sudden, I get hired doing this. It's unreal how quickly it's all happened."

William had a sinking feeling. Loren truly was a rare diamond, and he knew how lucky he was to know her. But with her beauty, both inside and out, she was going to garner a lot of attention online. William knew how unfair it was to feel this way, but he didn't want others to know how amazing and special she is—like she was this exquisite secret that only he knew about.

"So would I be considered a mature student? Could you give me a French lesson for free? Heading to Saint-Tropez in a few days so I could use some help," William smiled as he spoke.

"Mature might be a stretch—," Loren laughed.

"Hey now—be nice…," William teasingly warned.

"Hmmmm….knowing the things you’ll get up to, one phrase should suffice. I’m surprised it's not in your normal Saint Tropez repertoire. Ready? Okay - here it is. 'Voulez-vous… coucher…"

"Oh my fucking —come on…," William laughed.

Loren drew out every single syllable. "Avec moi… ce soir."

William could feel the heat rising in his face. She assumed he would be on some sort of fuck fest while on vacation. Maybe that was accurate once upon a time but not as much nowadays, and certainly not while he was with family.

"That hurts that you think that… I'm not with a different girl every day…," William played it off as a joke but it did hurt his feelings a little.

Loren thought about uttering one more jab, but he did sound a little miffed. "Sorry, just jealous I suppose… I admit it." William could hear her smiling as she conceded.

After ending the call with Loren, William felt the same unsettling sensation growing in his core. once again. He threw a few more items in his suitcase, closed it up and wheeled it aside while he tried to calm how aggravated he felt.

He sent a text to female friend from his Stockholm roster. A beneficial friend that he felt might help take the edge off.

He received a quick response. She’d be over in an hour.

—

The pairing between the Nylanders and Saint-Tropez is like discovering the perfect wine to pair with a gorgeous meal. Life is so good when they're together.

This year's trip to the south of France expanded beyond the immediate family and significant others. William and Alex invited friends to join them at various points during their stay at the villa. Alex had rekindled his relationship with his former flame, Isla, whose closest friends also arrived as part of the group.

Their place of sunny refuge was usually buzzing with people, either staying back to enjoy some peace by the pool or venturing into town for some shopping.

When "the boys" were there, they worked out together on the pool deck, every muscle group being worked—their darkening skin glistened with sweat in the sun.

When "the girls" were there, they lay in the sun by the pool, their perfectly formed ass cheeks tanned golden brown.

William generally kept his distance while harmlessly admiring Isla's friends from afar. Margot, one of Isla's closest friends, admired William too, but she made her intentions far more obvious than he did on a few occasions.

Isla was thrilled with the thought of Margot getting with William. One of her best friends with Alex's brother who was also his closest friend—it would be a dream. As they got older, they'd get married, children may come, their summers spent together.

Isla could picture it all.

Alex, on the other hand, tried to temper Isla's expectations. He was aware that William, who remained stoically single, might not have any long-term interests in Margot. After hearing how Loren stayed with William during his episodes, and noticing the way William looked when he talked about her, it was clear to Alex that his brother's interests remained tied to Loren.

Meanwhile, William was thoroughly enjoying his time with family and friends, but the inkling he had back in Stockholm—a feeling he couldn't pinpoint or define—would materialize every now and again.

When it was there, it nagged him… like the feeling of walking into a room and forgetting why he was there. There was no pattern or explanation that William could think of for why he sometimes felt a yearning for something that seemed to elude him.

Other times, he knew he was envious while watching Alex and Isla kiss and hold hands as they walked in town.

These unresolved feelings were what motivated him to put his guard down with Margot, allowing her to make a move late one evening in the pool.

Her advances were initially playful as she toyed with him under the water's surface. Soon, her hands moved more explicitly over William's swim shorts, charming his cock with the palm of her hand.

Mouths were soon attached to skin, breasts were exposed, and one need pressed firmly against another.

William followed Margot as they quietly made their way to William's bedroom. She had a towel wrapped around her lean, naked body while William had her string bikini wadded up in his hand.

Margot was young, pretty and slender—a description which seemed totally interchangeable with the females in Isla's friend group.

William lay on his back, naked—his erection levitated his cock slightly. Margot slid her body between his legs as she ran her fingers up his chest.

"I saw the pictures from your first vacation," Margot purred. "Loved your bare chest."

Given that William's chest hair was starting to grow back, he was confused if she was complimenting him or not.

Margot soon had William's cock in her mouth. She felt good, but the sound of her slurping seemed to increase and echoed throughout the room. William really didn't want anyone to overhear, so he gently asked Margot if she could go more slowly, to which she obliged.

William tried all of his usual moves to get the mood going within him. He smoothed back her hair as her eyes fixed on his while she sucked his cock. As he watched her, suddenly a flash of Loren's face exploded in his mind. William laid back, remembering how Loren's gaze was so hypnotic, it always rendered William defenseless as she took her time feasting on him.

William's mind snapped back to Margot as she rapidly stroked his shaft. He thought he heard her call him "Daddy," but he wasn't sure. He had nothing against being called that as a rule, but he was not in the mood for it right then.

Enthusiastically, she climbed on top of him, lowered herself down onto his cock in a slow squat using his outstretched arms for leverage. William's body bounced against the mattress as Margot whimpered, gliding up and down his cock. William cupped under her ass cheeks to help alleviate the muscle strain in her legs of each squat as her pussy slid up and down his shaft. Margot's long blonde hair looked like hand-spun gold silk as she threw her head back and continued to bounce on top of him.

Much like the slurping, the sound of skin slapping against skin seemed to reverberate rather loudly.

William propped himself up, allowing Margot to hold onto his shoulders and slide down his shaft while he began driving himself upward. The sex was quieter until Margot began to slap her own ass and moan.

William politely told her they had to be a little quieter. His parents and sisters were just down the hall.

Margot nodded as she switched from squatting to straddling his cock.

As she laid him back, another image of Loren appeared in William's mind. The memory of their last time together where Loren took complete care of him in every way. How she took her time, wanting him to feel the very heights of pleasure. And he did, with the two orgasms she skillfully coaxed out of him.

William's fingers tweaked Margot's nipples as she rode him rhythmically.

Margot began grinding furiously on his cock. She gripped William's wrist with one hand while stroking her clit with the other. She tried to stifle her cries as she clenched and quivered with the intensity of her release.

There was nothing William could do about the loud creaks from the bed or the panting from Margot after she climaxed.

If anyone does hear, maybe they'll assume it was Alex and Isla, William hoped.

After Margot's orgasm, she focused on William. She sucked, licked, and stroked his cock but frustratingly, his orgasm was just out of reach.

Taking a breather, she lay on her back stroking herself as William took the reins and began lightly and rapidly stroking near his tip. As he kneeled beside her, Margot smiled up at William, biting her lip as she played with her pussy.

The room was quiet, minus the sound of wetness from between Margot's legs and the distinct jerking motion of William's hand. He closed his eyes and grit his teeth as the pressure of arousal began to build.

He heard Loren's soft voice playing inside of his head. He would hear her say that she wanted so badly to taste him. She would moan his name, telling him how incredible he felt. She would breathlessly say how amazing he was to her.

He felt his orgasm taking hold. "Can you touch my balls—just touch them gently," William quietly instructed Margot.

That's what Loren would do. She had a natural sense of what would provide William the most intense pleasure, despite her limited sexual experience.

Margot began to fondle his balls and lick the tip of his cock as he continued to pump himself faster.

William's muscles around his torso began to clench as his orgasm hit and spurts of cum landed on Margot's cheek and lips.

She promptly wiped herself off with the bunched-up sheets that felt moist to the touch from their bodies' bliss. She stood up on the mattress, kissed William, and sauntered into the washroom to freshen up.

William sat at the edge of the bed, his cock softening as he focused on the light from the washroom.

This was the second time he had trouble finishing. He had faced the same frustration with the tryst he had in Stockholm before he left for Saint-Tropez.

He felt a deep-seated frustration now. This was not a Margot issue or his friend-with-benefits issue.

This was a William issue.

He pulled on his shorts and waited for Margot to exit the bathroom. He wasn't keen on having her sleep there—it would be awkward enough if they had been heard through the thick walls of their villa. Seeing them exit his bedroom together would add to the quiet and questioning looks he might receive from his parents.

Margot meandered back towards the bed with a fresh towel wrapped around her. "I probably should go back to my room. I don't know what everyone will think if they find me in bed with you tomorrow morning."

"Oh, yeah?" William made it sound like the same thought hadn't occurred to him. "Maybe, yeah… don't need to take the risk right now. Good idea." He smiled as she approached him, giving him a light kiss on the mouth.

"Thanks, Willy—that was fun… maybe we can figure out another time when no one's around before I leave?" Margot was hopeful she'd have another chance with him, but she wasn't going to hold her breath.

William nodded. "For sure we can." It was somewhere between a fib and the truth.

After Margot closed the door, William grabbed his phone.

Loren was all he had on his mind now.

He opened up YouTube and searched "Chelsea" plus "Loren Girard". He immediately got a hit.

William's eyes were glued to the screen watching as Chelsea, whose personality was as spicy as her wardrobe choices, interviewed Loren while her hair and makeup were done, adding an intimate behind-the-scenes feel to the segment. Loren was simply charming with her humble yet vibrant disposition, while articulating genuine and thoughtful responses.

William had expected to see Loren nervous about being in front of a camera, based on her own admissions. If she was nervous, it never showed—only her grace and poise were apparent.

At the end of the interview, they showed Loren in five outfit ensembles, all from budget-friendly sources. Loren made her little plug, encouraging everyone to keep the art of verbal communication alive in any language, and mentioned her tutoring venture as her last point.

The segment was exactly as it should be: informative, entertaining, and uplifting.

William rested against the headboard of his bed and looked back down at his phone.

It dawned on him what the feeling was that had been plaguing his mind—his insides.

He had to try and fix it and do something about it.

He swiped open his message app, found Loren's name and their last text exchange.

William typed in a simple statement.

W - I miss you so much.

—

Loren sat at her new-to-her desk that she had salvaged, repaired, and repainted with relative ease. Part of her new third job, which took up a minimal number of hours per week, was learning to edit the videos that she records.

While she replayed, layered, and snipped each recording, she snacked on her dinner, which was a small meal of avocado toast. It was far too hot to cook.

Her phone chimed right at the point where she was about to add animations to the reel. Whoever texted her would have to wait.

Loren sighed deeply as she turned her focus back to the screen. Replaying her segment, she tested some filters and made other enhancements until she was satisfied with the end result.

Once she clicked save on the final edit, she rubbed her eyes under the reading glasses she finally accepted that she needed. She stretched while padding to the kitchen and grabbed herself a vodka cooler from the fridge. She headed outside with her phone to enjoy the waning hours of the day with a cold drink.

She sat on the front step of her porch in the balmy evening air and took a long swig from the can. The carbonation made her hiccup loudly — she hoped her neighbors weren't outside to hear it.

Loren tapped the screen, and upon seeing William's name, her pulse jumped and her face flushed.

"I miss you so much." Such a simple statement, but the weight it carried was enormous. The words felt laden with sadness and regret. Words that Loren never anticipated William would ever feel for her, much less say.

Loren missed him too, but she had kept this knowledge as a safely guarded secret.

Letting him in on that secret made her vulnerable to more heartache in the future — she was almost certain of it.

Opposing thoughts clashed in Loren's mind, and she could not decipher if her worries were fear-based or just simple logic.

But this is William. William, who gave her a spark. Made her laugh until her sides hurt. Made her want to remain forever in his kiss.

Loren exhaled deeply and decided that when in doubt, stick with the facts.

Apprehensively, she responded.

L - I miss you too, William.

[syd-djarin]

Sugar, Spice & Please Fuck Me Nice (neighbor!joel AU)

chapter three: fair game - in collaboration with @katiexpunk

*18+ Minors DNI*

Word count: ~6.5k

a/n: katie and I wrote to our slutty hearts' desires. srsly she is a smut fairy & loving friend. plz follow her. @katiexpunk

warning(s): SMUUUUUT.

tags: f & m masturbation, 2000s style (needs a TW lol), joel is a little rough/bossy, unprotected p in v, creampie, blowjob, pet names, praise kink, spitting (1), fair date, eating, flirting

NOV 2005

You can’t stop thinking about that night at Joel’s a week ago. The way he touched you, pleasured you in a way that you've never experienced before. The way he kissed you, fervently yet soft. You could kiss him for hours and never tire. 

Not only are you craving his touch, but you also find yourself wanting to learn more about him. You want to know him. The things you’ve learned about him through Sarah and what you’ve picked up on are tiny crumbs, leaving you starving for more. 

You hope he feels the same. 

You haven’t had a chance to talk to Joel since that night, as you’ve been drowning at work. You started working for this publishing firm in college, first, as an intern, and now that you’ve finished school, you’re an editor. You agreed to take on extra responsibilities due to your coworker being out on maternity leave, which has exponentially increased your workload, on top of your boss being a micromanaging asshole.

Joel’s been burning the candle at both ends. He’s working against a tight deadline on a big project for a persnickety client and Sarah’s soccer team is in the playoffs for the district championship; he’s incredibly proud but attending her neverending roster of games has left him a bit preoccupied. He never thought he would end up being a soccer dad, but life has a funny way of keeping him on his toes. 

Much like you, he’s replayed you squirting on his leather couch in his mind over and over, a never-ending lascivious reel that plays in his head as he fucks his cock at night. Joel longs to hear those saccharine sounds you make while you ride his cock, your tits bouncing in tandem with your movements. He’s kicking himself for not getting his hands, or mouth, on your pillowy breasts. The cheekiness of forgoing a bra in your bunny costume revealed a side of you that he wants to unleash. 

He wants to know everything; what keeps you up at night, what makes you double over in laughter, your ticklish spots, which movies make you cry without fail, all of your little quirks. Hell, he even wants to know if you believe in aliens. 

+++

You pull into your driveway after a long, grueling day at work. Your brain is so fried you didn’t even turn the music on for the drive home; a rarity for you since you always have music playing in your car, whether it be the FM radio or one of the various CDs you’ve collected over the years. A true indicator of your current state of being. You can’t wait to veg out on the couch, rid your mind of this shitty week, and huddle into an antisocial ball. 

After a few moments of idly sitting in your car, you peel yourself from the driver’s seat and go to retrieve your work tote from your trunk when you hear a deep voice calling out to you, one you’d recognize anywhere. You turn in the direction of the sound and find Joel. He’s clearly working on a renovation project; a miter saw, lumber and a plethora of other tools are set up in his front yard. There’s another man with him, bearing a slight resemblance to Joel. Brothers, maybe? 

“Hey, neighbor!” Joel immediately regrets his word choice, finding it oddly stiff — considering he’s had his face between your thighs. 

“Hey Joel!” You manage to shout back, despite your energy battery being crucially depleted. 

He waves for you to come over. Unfortunately, or fortunately, you’re unable to resist him. Not when he’s covered in a sheen of sweat, hair tousled, and coaxing you across the street. 

Though you feel drained, being in close proximity to Joel makes your body thrum in nerves. You’re being energized by anxious attraction. 

Joel and the mystery man greet you at the edge of the yard. 

“This is my brother Tommy. Tommy, this is my neighbor.” 

“So, this is the pretty neighbor you were tellin’ me about,” Tommy says, his southern drawl identical to Joel’s. 

Joel glares at Tommy. If looks could kill. 

Tommy holds out his hand, you tell him your name and give him your hand for a brief shake; much like Joel’s does, his palm size is large in comparison to yours and envelops your full hand. You survey the man in front of you; handsome, dark curly hair like Joel, slightly longer and free of the grays his brother sports, deep brown eyes, similar to Joel’s. The Miller genes are super fucking strong. 

“Nice to meet ya, sweetheart,” he says, nodding his head in acknowledgment, his eyes dragging over your figure just a second too long. 

“I’m gonna start packin’ these tools up,” Tommy announces to Joel and then shoots him a wink. It’s obvious he wasn’t aiming for subtlety, clearly wanting to give you and his brother a moment alone. 

Joel shifts his broad frame to face you directly. You wish you didn’t feel so bashful in his presence, but it’s hard to breathe evenly when he is standing so close you can smell him - earthy and a hint of his deodorant wearing off. It should be gross to you, but you want to put his scent in a candle. You’re fucking deranged. 

“Sorry, ‘m all sweaty…” Joel apologizes, looking down at himself, remembering that he probably reeks like a locker room. 

You wave off his apology, giggling at his self-awareness. 

“I wanted to ask you somethin’,'' Joel says, gently wrapping his hand around your arm right above your elbow. Goosebumps erupt on your skin at the touch of his calloused fingers. 

“Okay…” 

“I was wonderin’...” Joel pauses, his fingers now grazing over the soft skin of your arm. 

You gulp in anticipation. “Yes, Joel?” 

“I was wonderin’ if you’d like to go on a date with me,'' he asks, his eyes dropping to his boots for a second before coming back up to meet yours, “a proper one.” 

You’re so giddy at his proposition you think you might burst.

“Well, you know…I’ve gotta check my calendar,” you say, a big grin plastered on your face. You see his face drop, but before he can sulk too much you wink at him and say, “yeah, I’d love to,” you exhale and try to keep your voice level, not wanting to give away how excited you actually are. A date. With Joel Miller. 

“You free tomorrow?” he asks, beaming, revealing the dimpled smile you’re so fond of. 

“Lucky for you, I am,” you say, feeling your skin warm. 

“Pick you up at 7?” he asks, dipping his face closer to yours, his hand now on your waist pulling you into him. 

“Works for me,” you confirm while planting a chaste kiss on his cheek, “see you then, neighbor!” you conclude, being sure to emphasize the neighbor in your words, and before he can convince you to stay, you’re sauntering across the street back to your house.

+++

It’s finally here. Your big date with Joel.

The day went by torturously slow, anticipation pulsing through your entire body.

You spent almost two hours getting ready, the majority of the time trying to pick an outfit. You probably changed 30 times, trying to find the outfit that conveyed the perfect balance of sexy, yet subdued. 

You decide on a pair of dark wash flares and a lacy top, both accentuating your figure heavenly. You spritz on a little perfume you save for special occasions. If this ain’t a hell of an occasion. 

Joel, with impeccable timing, rings the doorbell right as you tug your black cowboy boots on. It’s sill relatively warm in Austin, so you decide to forgo a jacket. 

Opening the door, you and Joel take a moment to check the other out, neither of you trying to hide it whatsoever. Joel’s wearing his signature jeans and a green flannel with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow, exposing his veiny, strong forearms. You’d hump his arms given the opportunity. 

“Absolutely stunnin’, sweetheart,” he licks his bottom lip while his brown irises roam over your entire body, paying special attention to your waist and tits. You’re mentally patting yourself on the back for your outfit choice. 

“One could say the same for you, cowboy,” you quip back, a smug grin plastered across your face. 

Your smile shoots blood straight to Joel’s cock. 

He swallows as he realizes the night is just beginning. 

+++

Joel takes you to a quaint diner for your date. From the outside, it’s unassuming; an older building in urgent need of a pressure wash, adjacent to a virtually empty shopping center. A true hole-in-the-wall in the middle of downtown Austin. 

“It doesn’t look like much on the outside, but I promise ya, they got the best damn burgers in town,” he assures, seeing the questioning look on your face when he pulls into the parking lot. 

You and Joel slide into a booth in the far corner, Joel insisting that booth seating is part of the experience. You both order burgers, per his recommendation and boy, it does not disappoint. 

Between bites of food, you and Joel learn more about each other. The conversation flows easily, both hanging onto each other’s every word; no awkwardness or feigning interest. You both share parts of your childhoods and you share stories from your college days. Joel recounts the mischief he and Tommy got into when they were younger, earning several belly laughs from you. 

Joel loves the way you laugh; candidly, throwing your head back, your shoulders jerking uncontrollably as you try to catch a breath. 

You’re pleased to learn that both you and Joel have a fondness for 80’s action movies, especially the over-the-top-borderline-cheesy ones, and 70’s artists like Fleetwood Mac and Electric Light Orchestra.

Joel asks about your job as an editor. You tell him the different types of manuscripts you have to read; some you drudge through, others you enjoy. “I love seeing how the story progresses from the first rough draft up until the final copy,” you tell him,” a lot of authors are really full of themselves, so you have to boil down a lot of the flowery language and hubris.” 

In return, he tells you about how he got started as a contractor, hard work rewarded him with promotions until he opened up his own contracting business six years ago. “It’s priceless gettin’ to be your own boss,” he says, “not havin’ to answer to anyone, can be more selective in projects you wanna take on,” he continues, and you swear you’re listening but you’re secretly caught up in the sound of his voice and the way his lips move when he’s talking; hypnotizing you with every word.

Joel opens up about when Sarah came into this world; the happiest day of his life while simultaneously being scared shitless — he was wild and ungovernable, definitely not ready for fatherhood.  

Through the years he’s found his rhythm. He doesn’t talk about her mother and you don’t ask; you’re not looking to dig into that lore on the first date. He tells you what Sarah was like as a baby and the subsequent years. Your heart melts at the adoration and pride that glow in his eyes when he talks about his daughter. 

You both sit in the overused booth, totally absentminded to the world around you. You’re both locked into one another, afraid of missing even the faintest shift in facial expressions. You might as well be the only two people here. 

Taking the final bite of your burger, you tell Joel that you’re inclined to agree that these are the best burgers in town. 

He mumbles something to the effect of “told ya,” before finishing his last bite. 

On the ride home from the diner, you spot an illuminated Ferris wheel, glowing in the distance of the Austin night. 

“Oh, I didn’t know the fair was still in town. I haven’t been in years!” exclaiming a little loudly for a woman your age, “can we…..?” 

Joel can’t say no to you, not when you’re giving him a pleading, pouty look. 

+++ 

Once inside the fairgrounds, you both walk through the selection of vendors, and it doesn’t take long for the funnel cake sign to catch your eye; Joel purchases you one and you continue on your adventure together. 

“Here,” he says, offering you a paper napkin. 

You gently shake your head, shoving another bite of funnel cake into your mouth, “don’t need one.”

He laughs. You look like a stubborn child learning what sugar is for the first time, “you’re gonna get all sticky,” he says, a big grin enveloping his face, your eagerness for the sweetness of the battered dough reminds him of Sarah’s sweet tooth. God, you’re cute – it makes him wish she was with you both tonight. 

Well, that is until he notices it. It’s subtle, but it’s there – a sprinkling of powdered sugar on your cheek and exposed chest.

He knows this is a family event, but he wants to do anything but PG-rated things with you right now.  

He stares at the white dust on your skin until your voice catches his attention again. 

“Maybe I want to be sticky,” you reply, “gives you more to lick off of me later.” 

And fuck, if that doesn’t turn him on. 

The thought of his tongue on you sends a flood of impure thoughts to his brain; much like the ones he had when you first showed up at his door, covered in remnants of flour, all sugar and sweetness. 

He knows now.

You may be sugar, but fuck, if you haven’t got some spice in you, too. 

+++ 

As you stroll, your eyes grow wide when you see it; a yellow wooden sign with the words “bobbing for apples” in Comic Sans engraved into it. 

“Ah! Joel! Bobbing for apples! I haven’t done that since I was a kid – we have to do it!” you say, your voice is a little too eager and a little too high-pitched, but the childlike wonder on your face is all the convincing that Joel needs. He might not admit it, but he’d give you anything you want. You reach out for his hand, and he takes it, letting you lead the way. 

You and Joel make your way up to the station, and a fair worker in an apron and a straw hat shouts to the crowd, “Come one, come all! Test your skills at an apple grab; the winner gets a prize,” his voice is low in octave but loud enough like he’s speaking through a megaphone. 

A line of fair-goers of all ages quickly forms around the barrels filled with water and apples, and you look at Joel with eager eyes as you step up to yours.

The rules of the game were explained by the worker with a chuckle, “Alright, folks, no hands, just your teeth. Lean in, and bob for an apple, and what you catch is yours to keep plus a prize from the booth to the right.” 

“You sure about this, sweetheart? You’re gonna get all wet,” Joel asks, probably just a smidge too concerned about your well-being considering it’s just bobbing for apples. 

“You gonna act like you don’t know that I’ve been wet this entire night?” you say, not waiting  to hear his response as the worker calls out a loud “GO!” 

Giggles and cheers fill the air as you and your fellow participants lean over the barrel. Your face disappears into the water; your competitiveness in overdrive  – edging yourself deeper and deeper into the water; so far that your shirt gets soaked. You don’t care, though, and you gleam from satisfaction as you resurface with a gleaming red apple held triumphantly between your teeth. 

The crowd erupts in applause at your efforts, and Joel stands watching you with his hands on his hips, a smile plastered on his face. As his gaze drops from the apple in your mouth, he notices the wetness of your shirt and shit, you’re positively drenched. 

It takes Joel all of .0002 seconds to notice the silhouette of your nipples peeking out from your shirt, the goosebumps littering your skin, and the tail ends of your hair wet and starting to curl under the weight of the water. 

You drop the apple from your teeth and catch it in your palm.

“Well, well…looks like you’re on a date with a prize-winnin’ apple picker. Feeling lucky yet?” you tort, attempting to flirt through the uncomfortable press of the damp fabric on your skin. 

“Sweetheart, I’ve seen that mouth in action, I already knew you were going to win,” he says, “but you know I’d never thought I’d see the day…” he trails off. 

“What do you mean?” you ask, slightly confused. 

“Never thought I’d see the day that I was jealous of a fuckin’ Red Delicious apple,” he says, humor behind his voice, “s’ashame I wasn’t the one you were bobbin’ for in that barrel.” 

“Listen, if you want to get wet and let me put you in my mouth, I am more than happy to accommodate,” you reply back, your voice flirty and suggestive. 

Joel doesn’t respond, but you see him palm himself through the denim of his jeans at your suggestion, interjecting his thoughts. 

You can’t hide the shivers that take over your body from the chill of the night air and the wetness of your clothing. 

“C’mere, baby, you’re freezin’,” he says, brow furrowed, and arms wide open stretched out to you, beckoning you into his large arms. You take a step forward and step into his brace, letting yourself melt into the warmth of his arms and the aroma of his natural scent. 

You stand there, wet in more ways than one, and let him hold you. Your arms wrap around his thick middle, and he rubs up and down your back with both palms in an attempt to warm you up. He releases you momentarily before saying, “Here, take this.”

You step away from him for a second, giving him space to slip off the flannel he’s wearing, revealing nothing but a white t-shirt underneath; the little tufts of hair peeking out through the collar of his shirt almost send you into a tailspin. 

He holds the flannel open by the collar to face you, encouraging you to put it on. You turn your back to him, allowing him the privilege of holding  it as you slip your arms into the sleeves. The fabric of the shirt is warm from his skin, and the moment you put it on you’re flooded with the smell embedded deep within the fibers; all musk, whiskey, cinnamon, wood, and Joel. 

“Come on, now, you little bobbin’ minx,  let’s go get you your prize,” he says, tilting his head to the prize booth. You grab his hand and let him lead the way this time. 

You and Joel make your way to the prize booth, the smell of kettle corn invades your senses; sure, you were already stuffed with funnel cake and your dinner, but the sweet aroma makes your mouth water. Or maybe it’s just Joel, you’re not quite sure, but you don’t really care. 

In the small structure of the prize booth, the shelves were adorned with a colorful array of stuffed animals of all sizes, trinkets, and games. You carefully assess your prize options while the attendant tries to convince you that of all of the random assortment of prizes, you absolutely need the goldfish. Right. 

You look over the options in front of you for what feels like a good ten minutes before the attendant not so subtly grows tired of your indecision. You sigh. You decide on a small puppy dog with beady plastic brown eyes, and you nod in thanks as he hands it to you, and you and Joel walk away from the booth. 

“Had a tough time decidin’ there, didn’t ya, sweetheart?” Joel asks, not really questioning. 

“Well, to be honest, none of the prizes were really appealing to me,” you respond, playing with the fluffy ears of the stuffed plush in your hands. “I only picked this one because I thought Sarah might like it,” you say. Your consideration for Sarah, and your accepting demeanor to her, warms Joel’s heart. 

“But I can think of one I’d really like to claim,” you say, catching his gaze. You see his jaw clench at your words. 

“Oh yeah? And that would be..?” 

“You,” the word comes out breathy. 

You both stop walking and the crunch of the dirt under his boots and the distant sounds of the fair in the background all but freeze as you stand there, seemingly paused in your own little private moment. 

“Take me home, Joel,” you say, planting your palm on his broad chest and stepping closer to him, your chest nearly flush against his. His hands skate down to your waist, and he closes the gap between your bodies, holding you close enough that you feel the growing bulge between his thighs. 

“Yes, ma’am,” he says, leaning down, planting a kiss on the top of your head. 

And it’s sweet. 

Just like the funnel cake. 

And just like he thinks you are. 

But you have other plans for him tonight. 

And he has the same for you. 

+++ 

You and Joel make your way out of the fairgrounds and to the lot where Joel parked his truck. 

Still wearing his flannel, the stuffed puppy dog intertwined between your crossed arms, you wait for him to open the passenger side door. You all but eye fuck him as he reaches into the depth of the  front pocket of his jeans and grabs his keys. He unlocks the door, and opens it for you; offering you a hand to help guide you in. 

“Always such a gentleman,” you say, placing your hand in his, accepting his offer, using the strength of his arm to help lift yourself into the bed of the truck. 

Joel rounds around the front of the vehicle, unlocks the driver’s side door, and slides in. He turns the key in the ignition and the engine rumbles to life and the radio turns on, “Come a Little Closer” by Dierks Bentley plays over the speakers. 

Deciding to take a note from the lyrics, you don’t bother to buckle yourself into the passenger seat, and instead slide over into the middle seat of the truck, positioning yourself tightly against Joel’s side. You lace your arm through the underside of his and interlock them, your hand curls around his firm bicep. You lean your head into his shoulder, and close your eyes, taking a moment to bask in the solitude of the strong man beneath you. 

He looks down at you for a moment – god, he could get used to this. He dwells on the thought for a moment longer and then begins to drive away. 

You’re clinging to him and you both ride like that in an easy silence, apart from the faint music and the hum of his truck. It has been so long since you felt so content, so at peace with the moment and yourself; not worried about work or life, or anything. It was just you and Joel, and you like it that way. 

Nearly back to your house, and your shared neighborhood, you let your left hand wander on the expanse of his thigh. The time for sweetness is over. The events of the night, your combined obvious want, and the flirtatious taunts catch up with you. 

Joel keeps his eyes on the road, but you don’t miss the way his grip on the steering wheel tightens as your hand makes its way closer to his belt buckle. You begin to toy with the cool metal there, and his large palm comes down to cup yours. 

“We’re almost home,” he says, holding your hand tight against his stiffening cock, not letting you move. “But I want to feel you now,” you whine. 

“I know, baby, I know you wanna get your hands on this cock, and I would like nothing more,” he says, “but you’re gonna have to be patient, we only have a few more minutes until we’re there.” 

“And why do I have to be patient, neighbor?” you ask, pulling your hand away, slightly keyed up. Greedy. Horny. 

“Because I wanna give that needy little pussy the attention she deserves,” he says, “and because once I get started, I know ‘m not gonna be able to stop.”

“And neighbor ain’t gonna be what you’ll be calling me,” he says roughly, “I’ll fuckin’ make sure of that, sweetheart.”

He takes a turn and pulls into your neighborhood. You catch a glimpse of Mrs. Morrison taking out her trash. She glares at you in disapproval as you drive past in Joel’s truck. 

You sometimes wonder what your neighbors might think; a pretty little young thing like you, the youngest daughter, hanging out with the older, single-father neighbor across the way. 

But truthfully, you don’t really give a fuck. 

+++ 

Joel pulls up into your driveway, the engine purrs softly before falling silent.  You both pause in silence. 

Joel turns to you, a smirk on his lips “We’re here,” he says, his voice carrying a hint of invite me in behind his voice. 

You glance out the window, your house bathed in the soft glow of your porch light. You turn back to Joel and say “Thank you for tonight, I really had a fun time. But to be honest, I just realized I never got to thank you properly…” 

Joel looks at you and something dark flickers in his gaze. “And what would you need to be thankin’ me for, sweetheart?”  As if he didn’t know. 

“For the best orgasm I’ve ever had. Come in and I’ll return the favor” conjuring your sultriest voice, knowing he doesn’t need an invitation.  

You step out of the truck, and the night air is cool, a  gentle breeze whispers through your hair;  your features are illuminated by the street lights in your neighborhood, and the warm glow casts an inviting aura around you. Joel appears at your side of the truck and helps you exit. 

The gravel under your feet crunches as you walk toward the front porch; the air is charged with electricity, a livewire, a magnetic pull drawing your bodies together. 

The porch light by your door casts a warm yellow glow on your faces. You pause at the front of the step and reach for your house keys in your purse. Your porch swing sways gently in the breeze, its rhythmic creaking adding to the undertone of the moment. 

You insert the key into the lock, but before you can fully turn the doorknob to open the door, Joel already has his large palm on yours, opening the door,  pushing you through the door frame and into your house, his hands cradling your face before he crashes his plush lips into yours. 

The second you’re both fully in your house, Joel's hands are on the hem of your shirt,  silently begging for you to take it off. You let him work on getting you topless, meanwhile, your hands are hastily working to undo his belt buckle, the excitement of finally being able to touch him and him not being able to stop touching you has you worked up.  Joel presses his thighs together against yours, drawing little moans from you while he nips at your neck. 

As much as he is trying to distract you, he’s no match for your determination. In record-breaking time you have his buckle undone and the zipper of his jeans is down; you gracefully fall to your knees before him, tugging his pants and his boxers down with you to the floor. Joel’s cock releases from the confines of his clothing and slaps against his tummy, leaving a little trail of pre-cum in its wake. You already knew he was big, but having him in full view makes you realize just how big he really is. 

You lick your lips and reach out to grab his thick cock, affectionately kissing the tip of his cock; you run your tongue through the slit, lapping up the salty pre-cum that drops out before you circle your tongue along the underside of his head. You let your jaw go slack, and you begin to dip down on his length; a gurgling sound escapes your lips as you pull back up again. You do this a few times before letting his hard cock fall from your lips, your lips puffy and coated in saliva, some of it dribbling past your chin. 

You pull off momentarily and smile up at Joel. He thinks you look far too sweet and innocent for someone who is absolutely taking his cock deep in your throat like a champ. He intertwines his fingers through your hair and groans, before gently urging you back down onto his cock. 

“Fuck, sweetheart – can’t tell you how long I’ve been thinking about having that pretty little mouth of yours on my cock,” he says slightly breathless. 

The thought of him thinking about you goes straight to your core and makes you want to mouth fuck him harder. 

You wrap your lips around him again, and he thrusts his hips to glide his cock inside of your mouth to the back of your throat. 

He begins to pick up his pace, holding your head steady by your hair as he fucks into your throat, pressing deeper and deeper until spit pools at the corners of your mouth and slight tears form in the corners of your eyes. He presses you down onto him until your lips are wrapped around the base of him and the coarse hairs that reside there. You’re drowning in the taste of him, hardly able to breathe, but you don’t care; you want him to chase his high, to use your mouth for his own pleasure. He made you come harder than anyone ever has before; this was the least you could do for him. 

“Jesus – look at you, pretty girl, fuck you feel so good wrapped around me,” he grits out, “takin’ it so well, baby.”

His words go straight to your cunt, the ache now insufferable. 

You begin to work him harder with your tongue, struggling for air, and he inches closer to the back of your throat and you begin to gag. Joel pulls out, not wanting to hurt you, and a strand of saliva trails between your lips and his cock. You blink back tears and look up at him, your mascara now a mess on your face, and your eyes glossy. 

“You okay, sweetheart?” he asks, his brow furrowed in concern. 

You swallow, and reach up to wipe a tear from your cheek. You are okay. More than okay. 

“Peachy. I'm relieved I finally got to return the favor,” you hum, standing to rise to meet his face. 

He wraps his hands around your waist, and pulls you tight against the front of his body; you feel the warmth of his tummy, the hardness of his cock, and the strength of his back behind your grip and it makes your legs turn to Jell-O. Fuck, you need him. 

Joel kisses you for a moment, before pulling away and bringing his lips to your ear “Gonna fuck you now, sweet girl.” 

You feel your stomach swoop and your folds tingle; you have thought about this moment for so long and you yearn for the stretch of him; to know what it’s like to be filled to the brim with Joel fucking Miller. 

He kicks off his boots, steps out of the clothing bunched around his ankles, and takes your hand to follow you down the hallway into your bedroom. 

Part of him wants to take his time; to make you feel good, to taste you again, and feel you come and come on his fingers. Part of him wants to shuck down your jeans and put your pretty pussy in his face. 

Joel doesn’t particularly think of himself as a selfish man, but he has waited patiently, and he needs you. Now. 

As much as he wants the taste of you on his lips, the part of him that wants to shove himself into your addictive cunt until you forget your name until you forget every other name except for his, is the dominant one right now. 

Once in the bedroom, he crowds you back until the back of your calves meet the edge of your mattress. He grabs both of your hips in a bruising grip and pulls you tight against his chest, his hips grinding into yours, and you lean your face up to kiss him. You think he might kiss you, but instead, he ghosts your lips and leans forward until your back meets the soft fabric of the mattress with an oof, and he’s on top of you. 

He grabs both of your wrists, pinning them above your head. His grip on you is firm, yet gentle. You’ve seen his brute strength in action and the fact that he could overpower you sends a shiver to your clit. 

“So beautiful, darlin’ – you know that?” he kisses your nose and trails a slew of them down your cheek, your jaw, your chin, and neck. Once at the nape of your neck, he nibbles on your earlobe and whispers “You ready for me, sweetheart?” his breath is heavy in your ear. 

You can’t nod fast enough in agreement. 

“You gonna be a good girl for me?” he practically purrs the question. 

You want nothing more than to be a good girl for Joel. You nod almost aggressively to make up for the fact that you’re unable to construct a single sentence right now. 

He lets out a satisfied moan and drops his grip on your wrists, and drags his heavy hands down your body to the center of your jeans and undoes the button of your pants, and hooks his thumbs in the waistband of both your jeans and your panties and pulls them down in one fell swoop. 

He dips down to place a delicate kiss to your tummy and lets the weight of his head rest on the softness of you. He inhales deeply, the aroma of your perfume comforts him, and he fights the urge to dip his face lower and bury himself in your pussy. 

You drop both of your hands and grab his head, your fingers carding through his hair, and he groans. 

“Thought you were gonna be a good girl for me,” he says, not really questioning. 

“I am being a good girl,” you respond back, not really sure what prompted his statement. 

“Maybe I wasn’t clear enough the first time. When I put you in a position, I want you to stay there, until I say you can move. Got it?” 

And holy fuck, bossy Joel turns you on. 

You only hum in response. 

“Need you to use your words, sweet girl. Answer me, or I’ll make you,” he says, voice low, his head closer to your center now, almost to exactly where you need him but not quite. 

“Ye - ah, yes, fuck I understand,” sending all of your energy to string the words together. 

He hums in acknowledgment and pushes your hands back up overhead, telling you to keep them there, and only to touch him when he says you can. When he releases your hands and sees that your arms stay put, he rasps out a “good girl”. 

He then reaches down and notches his tip at your entrance, and drags the weight of his thick cock through your glistening folds.

“Mmmm so fuckin’ wet, this all for me?” 

“All for you, J-oel,” you’re trembling, desperate to feel him deep inside you. 

He pauses momentarily, only the tip of him inside you, and god, it’s such a tease. 

You know it’ll sting, but you want him to just fucking bury every inch of himself inside of you. You don’t care about the pain; you crave the stretch of him. 

“Joel – ah, need more,” you moan, “need all of you.” 

“You sure, sweetheart? I ‘don wanna hurt you,” he says, once again concerned about you. 

“Joel, I want you to fucking wreck me. Need you to move, please.” 

After your plea, he obliges. You feel every inch of him, the way he throbs inside of you, and the tip of his head drags against the spongey spot inside of you. 

Your eyes flutter shut as he begins to move in and out of you, he feels so fucking good, and you’re so perfectly full. 

“Open your eyes, sweetheart,” he says, voice low and gruff, still continuing to saw in and out of you. ‘’Want you to look at me while I fuck you.” 

And his words are like music to your fucking ears. He’s the perfect balance of gentleman and fucking filth. 

He brings a hand down to circle your clit, and with the added sensation you’re not far off from your orgasm. You can feel it growing in your stomach with every circle of his thumb and every thrust of his cock. You open your mouth, your jaw slack, and you begin to moan. 

“Fuck, baby – you shouldn’t open your mouth like that,” he moans. 

“And – fuckkkk, why not?” You respond back, breathless from each of his thrusts. 

“Just a reminder of another hole I need to use,” he responds, and then gruffly says “Open,” while pressing his thumb and index finger into your jaw, holding you in place. 

You do as he says, and he spits into your mouth. Your eyes wide as saucers. It was hot, dirty, filthy. 

“Taste how perfect we are together, baby” he says, still pounding into you and circling your clit. 

His words send you into fucking oblivion, and you’re gone. Your vision goes white, and despite his order to keep your eyes open, your eyes fall closed and he fucks you through your orgasm. 

Your tight, slick walls pulse and squeeze around him. His hands squeeze your hips, his fingertips bruising your skin as he rocks your limp and shaky body against his cock, chasing his own orgasm. 

Not long after you’ve come, he’s finishing too. He fucks into you at an erratic pace and then shoots his seed deep into your cunt. 

“Fuckkk, baby” – he trails off, letting the final spurts of his cum paint your walls. 

You let out a sigh, and once again drop your hands to his head, intertwining your hands with the hair behind his head. 

You both lay there in your fucked out bliss and then he pulls out of you, taking a dribble of his cum with him, a glob of it landing on your thigh. 

You’ve never felt so satisfied, to be laying there, content and full of Joel Miller. 

He rolls over onto his side and puts his hand on his chest. 

“Fuck, baby. You’re perfect,” he says. “I don’t think I’m ever gonna get enough of you.” 

You hum in delight and roll over onto his chest, melting into him. 

“You in the mood for some cookies?” you ask, and he beams in delight. 

He hit the fucking lottery with you. 

THE END

[0sincerelyella]

Can you do a Josh Allen one shot where you are comforting him after losing a game? Possibly with cuddling and smut 😊 thank you!

Wins and loses -Josh Allen

Summary: Josh can take losses if big games a little harsher than other people, taking it personally, and beat himself up way more than the others. the only way he gets out of that headspace is y/n

Notes: UGH IVE BEEN WAITING TO WRITE FOR JOSH ALLEN he so is my second favorite NFL quarterback. we can ALL agree that josh allen is, pardon me, a giant cry baby during games, from ACTUAL fits, to yelling at his teammates, which doesn’t make me love him any less it just makes this plot so much easier to write so thank you for the personality trait josh. i

hope you love it!

i’m writing y/n as a bengals fan (from a bengals fans perspective maybe i’m bias but it’s to create more drammmmaaa)

i also may do a part two or make a josh allen series bc i had so much fun writing this, would anyone read it?

the score of the game was very conflicting to y/n. It was the play off game before the AFC championship, and unfortunately for y/ns love life and fortunately for y/ns sports influencer life the bengals had just beat the bills and are going to the AFC championship.

Y/n, growing up in cincinnati, was on the social media team for the cincinnati bengals. she grew up in ohio, and moved to wyoming for college in 2014 where she met her long term boyfriend when he transferred in 2015. in 2017 the two of them graduated and y/n traveled around the country for her boyfriends job until 2020.

in 2020 she got an offer to work on the bengals social media team, and she couldn’t turn the offer down. so she moved away from her boyfriend, josh allen, who lived in buffalo and was the quarterback for the buffalo bills, and she moved to cincinnati.

days like this made the relationship hard to maintain. she hadn’t seen josh since last may towards the end of off season when he had visited her. she texted him every day and called him every night, even showing up at his games all the way across the country to support him, but never being able to see him due to the teams tight rules.

today was especially hard. Today was the AFC divisional round leading up to the Championship game. The bills were playing against the bengals in cincinnati, the first game against the teams since the Damar Hamlin incident.

The bills had just lost, and like every bengals win, y/n walked onto the field, this time not only to congratulate her team, but also to chase after her extra emotional other half.

since they lost, their season is over and josh is going to stay with y/n for awhile. it’s all bittersweet.

y/n ran across the field. throwing mindless congratulations towards the teammates who are playing kansas city next week. She chased after josh who had already buried himself into the locker room. He took these loses. especially in the playoffs. feeling like, what the internet calls, “the bills curse” is all his fault.

y/n say down outside the locker room and waited. players passed her going in and out. she waved hello and goodbye to bills players as they retreated to their hotel before they flew back to buffalo tomorrow.

stefon diggs stopped as he left the locker room, sitting next to y/n. “he’s worse than usual” he said, leaning his head back on the wall. “do you know why?” he sighed. “i think it’s cause you were watching”

“i watch all his games stef.” y/n knew the bills very well. though she barely ever saw them, she texted them checking on josh often. she and stefon have grown to be good friends.

“yeah but i think this has something to do with your job, i think it’s mixed with jealousy” y/n nodded, sighing as the coach walked out of the room.

“no one else but josh. go ahead” coach said, causing y/n to practically fly out of the seat. she ran into the locker room in search for josh.

“joshy” she called out. he was sitting in a chair, in the middle of the room. it was empty, the only thing in the room is josh’s jersey he disposed of in the middle of the floor.

he sat in a chair, his head in his hands. y/n could tell from his red knuckles he had been punching the punching bag that hang in the corner of the locker room. she knelt infront of him. “hey joshy?” she placed her hand on top of his and waited for him to look at her. Josh moved his hands, and rested them on his knees. “y/n” he said, he’d been crying.

“oh josh,” she said, hurting for her boy. “it isn’t your fault” she said, gripping the hand on his knee. “y/n you don’t get it.” he tilted his head back. “no i don’t, i don’t know what it’s like to feel like you’ve done the wrong thing in such an important situation” she said, hinting to the decision between her job and her relationship

“y/n you know that’s not what i meant”

“i know i’m sorry, but really joshy. it isn’t your fault. it takes a whole team, and sometimes the other team just had an advantage” josh scoffed

“you have to say that, it’s your job. your team, the most important thing to you”

y/n moved her hand, placing it on his cheek, his hand moved to hold onto hers in fear of if he let go he’d lose her like he lost this game

“Josh. you know i couldn’t turn this down. it’s close to my sister and her kids, i grew up here. she said, watching tears well up in his eyes. “nothing is more important to me than you, but that doesn’t mean that other things arnt important to me” he nodded.

“but i’m sat there, infront of hundreds of thousands to millions of people who are saying it’s their year and i can’t make it. i can never make it” her heart broke as his desperate tone.

“babe, you need to practice staying cool”

“did joe teach you that?”

“joshua.” she said, huffing at his accusations “do you watch him play josh? you are just as good if not better than him” he watched her intently as she tried to make him feel better

“the only difference between you and joe, is your temper.” she stood up, reaching her arms out. “come here give me a hug” he smiled, stand in front of her, pulling her swiftly into a hug. “i’m sorry i snapped at you beautiful” he swayed them back and forth. “i just get so worked up and i don’t know how to control it, but never should i take it out on you” he kissed her forehead as she curled into his chest.

he hugged her close. “i love you beautiful” he said, smiling happily. “here stand on the chair let’s go to the car” he said, standing in-front of the chair, letting her jump onto his back.

he walked to her car, sitting her down, opening the passenger seat to let her sit while he drove her home.

the drive home was peaceful, he held her hand, resting it on the automatic stick in front of the consul. When the two arrived to y/ns apartment, the two of them changed, y/n into one of josh’s tshirts that she kept from before she moved, and josh in a pair of sweatpants.

the two turned on a movie and layed on the couch. josh held y/n on his chest, he played with her hair as he pretending to watch the movie that played. “you know princess, if you were on the field with me all the time i would’ve won the super bowl already” he laughed, hoping she’d laugh at his joke. instead of laughing, as he waited for a response all he got was heavy breathing. “oh come on, that was the most hilarious joke i’ve ever made and your sleeping” he whispered, tucking the blanket around only her as he skillfully snaked out from under her.

with perfect ease he picked her up and walked her to her room. after tucking her in, he got into her next to her and cuddled up next to her. he kissed her cheek, “i love you princess” he whispered and held her close. he yawned, closing his eyes and finally getting a good nights sleep.

[miketownsends]

how do i become a fan of the mariners

^ still coping with blaseball end. went to a couple games as a kid but all i remember is a player named raul

man baseball has helped me SO much with losing blaseball so i get that. start with the Dorktown Mariners doc, if you haven’t already! it’s on YouTube. it’s a history of the Mariners (and Seattle baseball in general) up to about 2019, so that’ll give you a good overview of the team (and how wild it is that the team even exists in the first place)

if you want to get to know the current team, there’s an excellent Mariners blog called Lookout Landing, and every season before Spring Training starts they do a series called 40 in 40 where they write 40 articles, one for each of the players on the Mariners 40-man roster. a handful of the players detailed here aren’t on the current 40-man (Ty Adcock and Taylor Trammell wound up on waivers and were picked up by other teams, Prelander Berroa, Blake Hunt, and Zach DeLoach were traded, and Matt Brash and Jackson Kowar both needed surgery and won’t be back until next season) but it’ll give you a fairly good overview of who’s here, particularly our main guys on the 26-man roster (so the guys who are active with the big league club)

Lookout Landing is just really great reading, in general - every article is truly well-written, from deep-dives into players and stats to write-ups on literally every single game the Mariners play. god, i gotta see if i can dig up my favorite article, gimme a sec…. ah! found it. it’s from a random July game, in a season where the Mariners would wind up finally, FINALLY making the playoffs for the first time in 21 years (thanks in large part to Cal Raleigh, who is featured prominently in the article, though of course we couldn’t know that at the time), and the end of it just… gets me every time.

speaking of Cal Raleigh, i would be remiss in not mentioning the Truth Meeting article - this all happened when Cal (and Logan Gilbert, one of the Mariners starting pitchers) were in the minors together, but it’s really good insight into the type of guy Cal is and the relationship he has with Logan (and other pitchers in general - he’s become such a leader with both the pitching staff AND the team as a whole and it’s been very cool to watch)

after that, if you wanna watch games, 🏴‍☠️ is gonna be your cheapest (aka free) options. i unfortunately don’t have a ton of insight into that front but i do know that options are out there. otherwise, if you’re in-market the Mariners are on Root Sports (which is carried by Comcast and Fubo, among others) and if you’re out-of-market you can watch them on MLB TV. both options have subscription fees, which can unfortunately be kinda pricey. if you’re a T-Mobile customer you can get a free MLB TV subscription, but it’s only available at the start of the season, so unfortunately it’s passed for this year. there’s also radio, which is free but i’m not 100% sure if you need to be local? (i’m assuming you’re probably local if you’re looking to get into the Ms + you mentioned Raul who i’m assuming is probably Raul Ibanez, but there’s lots of out-of-town Ms fans too so!) there’s an online option and also an app as well!

some other random Ms content:

Felix Hernandez’s perfect game is on YouTube

Tayler Saucedo (one of our relief pitchers) streams on Twitch - he’s more active during the offseason, obviously, but recently he’s been on the IL (has a minor knee injury and should be back pretty soon) and has been occasionally streaming DURING the games which has been pretty funny (he went viral on Mariners Twitter the other day for his reaction when we had a very exciting comeback win against the Yankees). he’s also a local guy who grew up an Ms fan so it’s been very cool to have him around!

Jen Mueller, one of the Mariners on-field reporters, has a YouTube series called “I Cook, You Measure” where she cooks and chats with various Seattle athletes, including some of the Mariners. so far she’s done episodes with Cal Raleigh, Logan Gilbert, Tayler Saucedo, Bryce Miller, Luis Castillo, and Bryan Woo, as well as former Mariners Mike Cameron and Tom Murphy (Tom was on the team when the episode was filmed but went to the Giants this season). there’s also the Bonus Bites which are just outtakes from the eps that are also really worth watching, there’s some fun stories in there!

okay uhhhh this is way longer than i anticipated it being so i’ll stop here but if you have any other questions lemme know! also if you ARE local and have any questions about coming to a game, the stadium, etc let me know as well, i basically live at T-Mobile Park during baseball season so i’ve got plenty of tips 😅

[hopetorun]

🎤 maggie with the cup final in play, i have ogwacs on the brain. who are your guys who haven't won that you would most love to see get one before all is said and done? we won't define an ogwac as strictly as most, so i'd say like. if we feel like they've been around forever and they're like 30 at least we can call them an ogwac for this exercise!

oh gosh!!!! there's such an assortment of guys that i've been fond of over the years for various and sundry reasons so in no particular order of fondness but starting with oh let's say the strongest contender on the list

pomo!! you didn't say i could include non-players but i am anyway, i think he's earned the title. two scfs more than twenty years apart gets you on my list

jeff skinner revenge tour. i don't think this requires explaining. i can't believe i have to root for the sabres but christ. if there's anyone in the league who deserves it. my only comfort here is that the previous record holder for most gp without any playoff games got traded to a contender as a deadline rental and promptly won the cup that year. only good thing the p*ns have ever done for me.

taylor hall. he's one of my longest-tenured favorite guys and like. man what a rough go of it he's had since 2018. also before 2018. but i had such a blast watching him when i was first getting into hockey and i think he deserves nice things.

jordan eberle. he was never quite the same level of special guy for me but i would truly be so stoked. kr*ken stop being cowards and make him captain.

justin faulk. one of my guys!! not on the blues though. i would bust out my old extremely stained faulk jersey in his honor!

someone on twitter pointed out that if the cats win, oel will be the person player to win the cup while on the canucks payroll which i do unfortunately think is very funny. anyway i love a comeback story AND that man did his time in the wars (coyotes org) so i think that would be a lovely cap on a rough few years

honestly most of the core players from the sharks mid-teens teams. some exceptions apply. that team was so bananas good for so long and not only did they never win, i don't think any of them have even gone on to successfully cup chase anywhere else? rough. i think pavs' likely retirement leaves burns as the only guy who was really there for all of it, assuming @moregraceful told me correctly that couture is probably a perpetual LTIR guy now, and burns took a step back this season in a way that has me wondering if father time is finally coming for him. anyway it's a bummer. and on that note

erik karlsson. god i can't root for the p*ns for it but i've been fond of him for so long! yet another man who has been in the wars. one of us, etc

claude giroux. because i've had to see that goddamn quote about how he thought he'd have plenty more chances at the cup back in 2010 and he's literally never even made it back to the final. good god man

john hock. i've enjoyed his work for years (he's actually the reason the flames ended up as one of my higher ranked sure i'll put that game on teams)

dylan larkin is only 27 but like. spiritually.

i would love for sam gagner to cap his baffling, delightful resume with a cup. but not this year.

roman josi. i was hardcore pulling for the preds the season they made the final 😭

yes i did go through every roster for this. yes i did find several old guys without cups where i was like, no i want him to stay that way.

[crosby-interesting]

To much chagrin of NHL PR department, Russian media have already leaked the real reasons Nichushkin went to player assistance program. In the January of the 2024, it was alcohol, and in the playoff series with Dallas it was what was described as a "party drug". If you ever wondered how did Nichushkin's sudden spike in productivity happen - for a while he was the top goal scorer in the playoffs, period, even above McDavid - the answer is probably, unfortunately, coke. In Seattle 2023, Nichushkin took a break from the playoff series with Kraken to party with his "friends". The consequences of the partying were so severe the team had to fly him to Denver the very next day, leaving behind a sex worker who was so drunk and high she couldn't even walk on her own. Notably, she was a Ukrainian, which likely means Nichushkin specifically requested a prostitute that spoke Russian. What were the things he was discussing with her is unknown.

The team had covered it up. Later, a Russian "journalist" and a self-described "close friend" (really a hired agent acting as a spokesperson) revealed that Nichushkin's player assistance stint happened because he had "insomnia" due to his "circadian rhythms" getting messed up due to the birth of his baby daughter. Now, if you think it makes no fucking sense, you are hardly alone. But it's hard to justify a player getting into assistance program, especially if it becomes a regular occurrence. Patrik Laine's official story was that he was addicted to the video games, for fuck's sake.

Here's food for thought: cocaine is not considered to be a "forbidden substance" by the NHL. Player's union, the NHLPA, specifically demanded this during the negotiations of the collective bargaining agreement. The other thing that was demanded? Player assistance program, bundled with the stringent requirements for anonymity and privacy. You aren't allowed to state the reason for participation, unless the player reveals it himself.

Many players are forgiven for drug addiction A person becomes highly effective on the ice and obedient in life But this slowly kills them and their reputations And as for me, it is unacceptable for guys high on drugs to play such a dangerous and conflict-ridden sport, it is dangerous Of course, they give funny interviews and show all sorts of unusual things on the ice, but one day it will end in tragedy

Cocaine must be recognized as doping

[hartpisces]

release ur limited star knowledge (i wanna know 🤨)

im so glad u asked!

it started when i found out ant is a leo and kat is a scorpio, which was SO wild to me because it just makes perfect sense?? heres the post i made about them when I was going insane about this revelation —>

(take the moon signs with a grain of salt, since the exact birthtime isn’t known)

For jalen specifically, hes a VIRGO which again, very intriguing because from what i’ve seen, he does very much present as a hardworking, nitpicky, perfectionist, reserved guy (fe: almost every argument he has with josh involves nitpicking, his press conferences.. THE LOCKER CONVO “your locker looks like a tornado hit it” OK VIRGO!!!) Virgos are also known to be shy/easily embarrassed especially when receiving praise, which is so insane to me seeing how he responds to josh (being rendered speechless oml), donte, the media, literally anyone complimenting him. He is a textbook humble virgo!! (also the sign of the virgin btw, lmfao)

Now it gets spicy when you consider that his moon sign is Aries, meaning his emotions are ruled by this fiery, defensive-ass sign, and he acts this way with the people he’s most comfortable around. This is totally represented when he tries to poke Josh’s buttons constantly, but it ultimately backfires every time because Jalen can be short tempered, and a bit spiky. Him being a virgo, he wants to prove how chill, “normal” as he says, he is. But at the end of the day, someone who KNOWS him, and is intuitive (will get to that later) will know how easily flustered he gets. I see why he is such a great leader (im a knicks fan so i have to glaze rq) he gets the precision/composure from his sun, and passion from his moon, bam leads a team through the playoffs.

Now for his venus (sign of beauty, love, romance) his venus is in cancer! ♋️ 🦀 🦀 these people are sensitive, cautious, CLINGY (“we have to hangout everyday”) when it comes to relationships you kind of have to approach them like a crab 🦀 because they WILL cling forever (he literally refused to let go of Donte and Josh, and never will). Very emotional lovers, but they will avoid emotional confrontation in fear of getting hurt. Also soo sentimental! (his reaction to josh being traded while he was at Villanova, you know this man loves feeling nostalgic). Cancer lovers want to be consumed, to belong entirely to someone (if i speak…)

Also gonna do Josh because i make everything about Jalen and Josh. Josh is a pisces sun, taurus moon. Being a pisces, he dreams big, is emotional, VERY intuitive, and he has this ability to sort of be a chameleon and fit in with very diverse groups. This could explain his passion for podcasts, since he’s had two in his career and had all sorts of guests. Pisces can unfortunately be TOO sensitive (cough, beating bitches up in college). While they are dreamers, they are notoriously late to everything, and prefer to chase after them at their very specific pace (explains Josh’s hatred for practice? also moving into his bestfriend’s house during highschool because he knew it would help his grades, environment matters to him). As for his intuition, Josh is very understanding of other’s emotions and his own, more so than Jalen. The most important part about josh being a pisces to me is that it proves he is a full on LOVER BOY and can see through a prickly guy like Jalen.

His moon is in taurus. To his core he is dominant af (literally was described as a dog that needs to mark his territory, always wants the upper hand in arguments). He’s stable, steady, calm (he IS the one who always gets into Jalen’s head first, not the other way around) and is uncomfortable with surprises. I don’t have a link but I read an article where he was talking about how terrible his trade from the lakers felt; he overall resists change. Taurus is also the sign of pleasure and is often aligned with materialism and a love for food (his watch collection? obsession with mike & ike’s??) Overall hes very chill and has soo many lover traits, just do not threaten his dominance lmfaoo.

(I was the most shocked with this placement) Josh’s venus is in Aquarius. The approach people with this placement take with love is friends first, full trust, and then they’ll consider a relationship. They are unpredictable in their advances (josh calling jalen cute on camera twice?? josh’s unpredictable ways of touching jalen and donte whenever he feels like it???), and will try to impress their person of interest with provocative jokes and their rebelliousness. They don’t want to be tied down, but they don’t mind setting rules for their partner. They also might avoid an actual *love* confrontation/confession. The independence of these types aren’t always a bad thing, since their partner will receive a lot of space/won’t feel suffocated.

Accurate or not, this is such a sharp contrast to Jalen’s Cancer venus. Jalen doesn’t WANT space, he could cling 🦀🦀onto Josh all day and still feel too far. There might be conflict in terms of communication; Josh might flirt as a “joke” and Jalen would feel that it’s real, being the more emotional, hopelessly romantic one. This doesn’t mean Josh doesn’t feel the same way, his Aquarius-approach to love just makes him way more cautious about committing to love. His Pisces sun might want him to fall in love, but the Aquarius energy in him is yelling NO! Josh will touch Jalen like he’s his, will leave Jalen stammering, flustered. Jalen will look at him and smile with so much longing, but it’s just another thing they won’t talk about. Jalen is just too careful, awkward and Josh is ever-so conflicted. Jalen fell first, Josh fell harder??👀👀 (hypothetically ofc) (maybe)

i wish i could find out their rising signs because that would be so interesting to me, but obviously nba players don’t care to know their exact birthdate in the name of astrology😭

TLDR

these boys got issues to sort out

[msmargaretmurry]

i love the concept of leon getting banished to cringefail MLS and desperately wanting to go back home 😭😭😭 I don’t know if you’ve ever seen people absolutely dunking on leon’s skating skills but maybe he did start out with hockey but got so mad about his lack of grace on skates that he’s just like fuck the stanley cup I will score goals. on my FEET! and then he ends up watching matthew in the playoffs

anon, i'm thrilled to hear this, because i also love the concept. i have no idea what kind of situation would have to occur for a german player who is theoretically good enough to play in the bundesliga to land himself on an mls team for a season but i have full faith that with some magical fanfiction handwaving a quasi-reasonable reason can be invented.

according to generous purveyor of german knowledge @irrelevanttous, when leon tried soccer (football, yes, i know) because all of his friends were playing it, he wound up quitting because he was mad the coach wouldn't let him take free kicks, which is such a funny and petty reason that coming up with an equally funny and petty reason for him to have quit hockey instead would be great fun. it's giving "NO DAD, I WANT TO LIVE MY DREAMS NOT YOURS" vibes, except for how i feel like peter would be like "that's great son let's buy you some new cleats."

anyway, the bright side of landing in south florida for this north american soccer adventure is that inter miami has easily the best logo in the league. which would be no comfort to leon the footballer who does not really want to be there, but it's fun for me personally. he'd look great in the black and pink. this is my soapbox for more pink in men's sports, you cowards.

so, for reasons, leon the footballer schleps across the atlantic. mls season starts in late february and i assume they have training and stuff before then so let's have him arriving in mid-january. he is so grumpy, and the fact that the weather is so nice makes him extra grumpy, because he is determined not to like it here. he will do what needs to be done to get his career back on track but this is TEMPORARY, okay?

except then maybe before the season kicks off, a bunch of the guys get a box at a panthers game as a little team bonding excursion. they don't really know much about hockey, they just think it would be fun. they definitely don't know how much leon knows about hockey — i don't think anyone in the miami soccer community knows what a peter draisaitl is; people in the north american ice hockey community barely know what a peter draisaitl is — and leon's like, he enjoys hockey as a spectator now, he'll play a little pickup with friends sometimes, but once his teammates figure out that he knows literally anything, they are clustered around him while they all watch this game, asking questions and laughing at his judgey little comments, and unfortunately for leon he winds up having fun.

after the game — panthers win, everyone's in a great mood — someone from the cats' pr team or whatever is like, hey, south florida sports supporting south florida sports, do you guys want to come meet some of our guys? yeah sure why not. and obviously amongst the guys doing this little meet and greet is one-man hospitality crew matthew tkachuk, whom leon definitely noticed on the ice, and is definitely noticing now, because uh oh, charming handsome man alert. matthew is shaking hands with every inter miami guy and asking their names in a way that seems genuine, but he's also oozing this easy confidence that really makes leon want to fuck with him a little. matthew gets to leon, shakes his hand as they exchange introductions; matthew says something like "you know, i don't know much about soccer but i'll have to get out to a game this season," and leon says, "yeah, well, i know a lot about hockey and whoever taught you to skate, i think they owe you your money back."

matthew stares at him, and leon has this moment of, ah fuck i was too mean again, why are americans SO sensitive, but then matthew laughs and says, "that would be my mom, and don't worry, i will definitely let her know." he's starting to breeze on by to the next soccer guy, but leon has this weird feeling of really wanting to continue the conversation — he blurts, "tell her don't worry about it, my father taught me and i was never any good at it, either."

this makes matthew stop and catch leon's eye again, and leon can see the shift in his expression from politely friendly to genuinely personally interested. it's subtle — he's not sure he's supposed to be able to see it — but matthew's smile goes a little crooked and there's this spark in his eye and oh, what a nice little win for leon. time is limited, though, so matthew must move on and finish meeting every single soccer guy, except before they all get shuffled out matthew circles back around to oh so smoothly be like, hey lemme give you my number so if you guys want to come to another game i can hook you up.

and thus it begins… an intense flirtation that turns into fucking that turns into feelings…. two elite atheletes desperate to prove themselves in their separate sports for different reasons……… one of them desperate to make a home in south florida and the other one deserate to get out…………… i just think it would be neat :)

[letstalkhockey]

oh, Jack.🥺

It’s heartbreaking to see your season come to an end quick, knowing that unfortunately this year the devils won’t be making playoffs. Except I’m so glad to see Jack doing what he needs to do and getting surgery. He played extremely well for someone who was undergoing an injury, which only proves how strong and motivated of an individual he is. It’s beautiful and he still had been there to collect so many points to finish off the season after missing so much time. I see now why I look up to someone like Jack, such a courageous and hard working individual - who deserves to have the best season next season after this one.

I wish him such a safe and well recovery after he undergoes his surgery and I can’t wait to see him back out on the ice next season; I’m so amazed at how hard he’s worked throughout the past two months now knowing that he was still suffering such an injury. It breaks my heart to know he pushed himself through it, but it’s also so heartwarming at the fact he wanted to be there for his team. Jack Is such a crazy cool human being and it takes a lot of strength to be able to do what he’s done.

xoxo, Vivi💕

[nicofms]

( jack gilinsky .  cismale .  he/him )  - the  new  york  city  resident ,   niccolò ‘nico’ costa ,  was  seen  sporting    armani    on  park  avenue  today .  the  twenty - five   year  old  is  a  nba player   in  the  city  &  has  been  here  for   two years  .  since  being  here  ,  they  have  been  told  to  be  manipulative   ,  but  also  resilient ,  who  really  knows  !  according  to  nycslam  ,     nico engaged in a locker room fight at his previous team before being traded  .  anyways  ,  guess  we'll  find  out  for  ourselves  !  [  az  ,  20  ,  est  ,  he/him ]

i. STATS !

full name : niccolò 'nico' costa

gender / pronouns : cismale ( he / him )

age : twenty - five

birthday : september 21st

zodiac : virgo

occupation : nba player ( point guard for the new york knicks )

height : 6 ' 5

sexuality : heterosexual

ii. BIO !

niccolò costa was born in florence, italy to two italian parents. well off was a way to describe the life nico lived even at a young age. his mom was a retired super model and his dad was a successful businessman. he lived in various parts of italy throughout his childhood and traveled frequently. when niccolò turned 13 his parents decided to move to los angeles, california at the request of their son. nico was always given what he wanted and when the boy came to his parents about wanting to move to america, in hopes of making his basketball dreams a potential reality, they didn’t think twice.

teenage niccolò arrived in california with a goal in mind and once he set his mind on something, there was no one that could stop him. so he practiced and practiced whenever he could, mastering any sort of skill that could attribute him to being the best player he could be. he had a successful high school career, winning back-to-back-to-back national championships with his high school team, and in his senior year he got offered a full ride, not that he needed it, to the university of kentucky where he had a great first season.

niccolò got drafted by the toronto raptors right after his first year of playing college basketball in the university of kentucky. he had a successful rookie year, coming in second for the rookie of the year award and helping his team have a successful playoff run. his success as a player only grew in his second year, leading the raptors to the number one spot in the eastern conference. unfortunately, his season came to an early close when he broke his leg just a couple of games before the playoffs. 

heading into his third year, nico felt like he had a lot to prove. there was a lot of doubt on him being able to play at the same level in which he was playing at before his injury. making it his mission to prove that he could, nico became less of a team player and more about him. this caused a lot of tension between him and his teammates and coaches. his team failed to make it to the playoffs that year and a lot of the blame was put on him.

his fourth season had an immediate rocky start. the team couldn’t seem to make anything work and niccolò kept getting blamed. eventually, by the first half of the season the news broke out that nico was being traded to the new york knicks. admittedly, he wasn’t a fan of the move because he had too much pride to be happy about a trade he didn’t request. landing in new york, he felt he had even more to prove and he seemed to be redeeming himself by helping the knicks come back in the second half of the season.

nico has lived in new york for two years now since being traded. he’s found his peace with it but will still refuse to show to people that it was not his choice. and now in his sixth year in the league, nico wants to win. no more almosts or runner up spots, but an actual championship or award.

iii. PERSONALITY !

he grew up treated as a golden child so he's very self - centered and selfish. he can definitely be a hot head and rude / mean. he'll always do anything to get what he wants which causes him to be both determined but also manipulative. he can be a flirt but he typically just assumes girls would want him, his ego is huge. outside of his asshole exterior, though, he can be a softie if he feels safe enough to show that type of vulnerability with someone. and if you're one of the few people in his list of ' maybe not - so - terrible humans ', he'll take a bullet for you.

iv. WANTED CONNECTIONS !

possible friends ( probably one best friend as his right hand man / woman )

enemies / people that dislike him ( most likely has a few )

exes

flings / fwbs ( past or current )

family connections ( cousins, family friends, siblings ??, etc. )

these are just some ideas more can be plotted / discussed !

[basileus]

SEATTLE KRAKEN PLAYER PRIMER

I promised the beautiful @madroxed a Seattle Kraken current player primer so she can get into a West Coast (best coast) NHL team and then I went mad so it ended up too long for ask box without a read more. So here it is for your enjoyment, babe. 🦑

IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW:

1. When Kraken started playing their first season in 2021, there was a lot of discussion about the expansion plan, how many years they would take to become as successful as other expansion teams (cough VGK). That plan… has not fully panned out. So even though they made it to the playoffs last year, they're not super successful this season and likely won't squeeze their way into a wild card spot. This is okay because the Kraken are full of love.

2. This is important enough to say twice: THE KRAKEN PLAYERS ARE FULL OF LOVE. They don't need to be good if they're having fun and being friends! And they are!

3. Kraken has no captain right now, just four As. Democracy, baby! Every game there is tons of talk on reddit about how it's a good thing because it's made the guys closer, or how it's a bad thing because they don't have a leader and they keep losing. IDK, it's just our thing. There will be a C eventually.

4. There's a joke on tiktok that Kraken is a team of beautiful shy horses, treated badly on their last teams and now learning to love again. Keep this in mind when you see them interacting with Coach Hakstol. They all deserve to have their hooves (skates) farrier-ed gently, ribbons braided into their manes and to be tenderly fed sugar cubes. Anyways.

5. Haha, Seattle runs on love and tentacles.

THE OLDIES:

- Jordan Eberle (Jordy, Ebby, Ebs, Ebber) - Ebs was MY MAN for the longest time because I was soooo fond of him and the mid aughts pre-McDavid Oiler rookie crew. Now he's 33 years old, everyone calls him dad, and just had his 1000th game ceremony. It makes me verklempt.

He just signed a 2-yr contract this month, which people agree is mostly because of his role on the team and less because of his points (which are just okay).

He is also a noted Nickleback fan :(

Also, Jordan Eberle... naked... singing.

- Jared McCann (Canner, also Jordan's on-ice wife) - Kraken's lead scorer right now. Has the saddest backstory ever (he's had troubles with his teams since draft) but the Kraken team loves him. I love him too. Jordan was in his wedding party! Fun fact: Canner is the one who KISSED Ebs' head after an OT win this year, the organization framed & posted the picture, and it's the most romantic thing that has ever happened on Kraken ice. Recognized PC gamer boy. He also wears really really ugly hats with his game day suits.

- Philipp Grubauer (Grubi, The German Gentleman) - Gruuuuu. The more experienced goalie on the team. Noted horse girl (loves horses, there's a video all about his volunteer efforts with them). Gets a lot of undeserved shit from dude fans for being a conservative goalie, the man is NOT gonna move. He straight up close lined a player yesterday because they got too close to his crease lol.

- Vince Dunn - You already know this guy. Feral, but also submissive and breedable. I sent you the "screaming with a bloody face" vid but here's one where he drop gloves for a Matty hit and another from Juniors where he fights OFF ICE. His nickname is Dunner but because he's a pretty princess, he also goes by "Vincess" in hrpf. He's very popular this season both for his looks and his performance this season. Unfortunately injured right now due to a bad hit. Noted "gamer (fornite) boy" lol.

- Adam Larsson - You also know this guy. Big Cat. Quiet but a leader to the D rookies. Surprisingly funny - he's a silent prankster and the custom t-shirts this season with his face on it were a hit. Outside the hrpf space, he's engaged to a beautiful blonde Swede and about to be a dad this month.

- Jaden Schwartz (Schwartzy) - Peak millennial. Is it wrong that I think Schwartzy is the hottest Kraken after Vince? Because I don't care. He gives hot dad, with two dogs with girl names.

He changed his hockey number to match his sister's who died of cancer :'( Has been injured a lot this season and we miss him :'(

- Yanni Gourde (Gourdo) - FERAL!! FRENCH (CANADIAN)!!!! A tiktok star, sassy, charming, and also part of the team leadership.

Married and dad to little girls, who he has allowed Matty to babysit, if you can believe it. There was a super cute vid of them at the pumpkin patch this year. I'm a proud member of the GOURDO IS HOT club but even people with bad eyes and no love for goofy faces love Yanni.

- Andre Burakovsky (Burky) - You might remember him from his Cap or Av days. He's a beautiful little bird who is so good at scoring but so broken. The man has two Stanley Cups but he's played like 2 games for Kraken where he was both healthy & productive lol. People ship him with Gru sometimes in hrpf because they have cute nicknames for each other and also vacation together. He also just had a baby like two months ago so my sisters and I call him a teen mom even though he's like 29, lmaoo.

- Pierre-Edouard Bellemare (Belly) - His shirt is always off in every video I have ever seen him in. Handsome. Beard. French, like literally from France, but we won't hold it against him. He's an older guy who was brought in to help the team with offense (which we badly need).

- Oliver Bjorkstrand (Bjorky) - I always describe Bjorky as like a less handsome Dylan O'Brien if he played hockey. A chill, smiley dude who cares a lot. He played in Portland for the Winterhawks back in Juniors and I saw him a lot there! He's playing super well this year, he even was at the ASG!

THE YOUNG ONES:

- Matty Beniers (Matty, Benny) - OUR BEAUTIFUL FIRST DRAFT EVER. A baby boy. Ebs and Canner are his mom and dad. If you're on tiktok, he made that viral "Yes, Yes, Nope, Nope" sound while mic'd up.

He's growing up :') but also is having kind of a bad season :'( Part of the planned growth of the Kraken team though!

- Will Borgen (Borgy) - One of the baby D. He kinda looks like Canner but more frog. Matty and Borgy are roommates & pretty much BEST FRIENDS during the season. There's a lot of good locker room videos of them giving each other shit. He has also bullied Karts lol. Self describes himself as a little deer.

- Joey Daccord (Joey, Dacs) - Baby goalie. Gives the F1 recaps on tiktok. One of the biggest joys of my year so far was chanting "Joey" in the crowd after his shutout in the Winter Classic. Sometimes he strays too far from the net and makes boo boos. We love & cherish him.

- Kailer Yamamoto (Yamo, Yams, Yammer) - Little man. So little. Great at shootouts & stealing teammate's jerseys. He's the only Washingtonian on the team. Was a Oilers rookie and I've heard he featured in the whole Draisital hrpf narrative thing (idk I'm not an Oilers fan rn lol). Has a terrible goatee right now.

There's a funny af tweet about a reporter seeing a huge cheering section for him at a game and assumed it was friends & family but went over and it was just random people rooting for Yamo purely because he's short.

- Ryker Evans - The newest baby D. Has the deadest eyes you will ever see but he also spent an entire Firebirds youtube interview series just hanging out in a child's pool. He's played great since being called up from the Firebirds and we love him. So new he doesn't have a Breaking the Ice sheet yet :( Also his middle name is GARTH!

- Tye Kartye (Karts) - It's important that you know his last name is pronounced like "Cart-che" but even the announcers say "Car-ti-eh" like the jewelry brand. A quiet-ish sweetheart but also kind of spicy while playing. Rooms with Ryker. They're flirty and have been since the Firebirds. Scored his first NHL goal in his first NHL game, during the Kraken's first ever playoffs!

- Cale (& Haydn) Fleury - REAL LIFE BROTHERS. Not actually related to Flower. Haydn is on the Lightning now and we miss him. Cale mostly plays for the Firebirds but he's developing well and has gotten called up several times this season.

- Ryan Winterton (Wints) - A goofy little baby. He's still playing mostly with the Firebirds but he had his NHL debut this season.

- Shane Wright - I don't actually know his nickname. (EDIT: I have been informed it is Shaner or Wrighter!) Big boy. Our SECOND DRAFT EVER. Playing with the minor leagues right now. We'll see him playing a line on Kraken next season or so, probably (?). If Coach Dave is willing.

THE OTHERS (THAT I OFTEN FORGET ABOUT):

- Brandon Tanev - Turbo. He's fast. Has beautiful long hair. Keeps getting hit by pucks because he's in the way. Fun fact: he helped start the 'Kraken are horses' thing because there was a video on Tiktok where an equipment manager was adjusting his skates and they used a hoof care video sound and it went viral. We might lose him when he's a free agent and that's fine.

- Jamie Oleksiak - Big Rig, Riggy. In my shit list right now because he's playing bad and I hate his stupid credit card commercial that they always play during games. Member of the 'my sister is prettier and a better athlete than me' club. People speculate there's a chance we might lose him over the summer when his no-trade clause opens up as well. He's often Borgy's d-partner, and he and Borgy are very very sweet though.

- Tomas Tatar - Tuna, he's fun and nice. I like his accent. Sometimes I forget he exists.

- Eeli Tolvanen - Tolvy. I also sometimes forget about him. Sorry. He's a buddy to everyone on the team though.

- Justin Shultz - Shultzy, he's fine. Gets injured a lot. Not the best player. I think we're gonna lose him eventually too.

- Brian Dumoulin - Dumo, he's also fine. He's won a couple Stanley Cups. Cute baby face for an older player but he gives a kinda empty brain, 'there's not a thought behind those eyes' feeling lol.

HOPE THIS HELPS. I ALSO HOPE THEY DON'T CRUSH THIS PRIMER OVER THE OFF SEASON WITH TRADES LOL but who knows. Whatever happens, happens. Just remember this team runs on love (and tentacles).

[the-physicality]

eeeeeehhhhhhhh

kah copper 30 piece iktr

another 30 point comeback iktr [ i wish we didn't have to make them and nathaniel could make better in game adjustments smh]

again another finicky whistle

i want you to look at what happens when we rebound the ball vs when we do not rebound the ball. just as an exercise

i don't think you should get a foul from sticking your arms out and someone running in from your backside running into them, but that's just me

something that i've noticed also is that the refs call fouls on bg all the time, just for existing. like sorry she's setting a screen, or holding her hands straight up. just because she has a big strong body that's difficult to move doesn't mean it's a foul.

i did come into this game [i took one look at the schedule over break] thinking this was going to be a wash because of the circumstances. it's just unfortunate that it was winnable. and that if we shot better in the first half there would be no questions.

did you see in the first when dt palmed the ball to pick it up and give it to the ref?

ik we l*st but hey so did seattle and they weren't on 2 away back to backs playing a team in playoff contention

and they had 11 available players and only chose to play 9

meanwhile we had 8 and played all 8

speaking of back to back away games starting the first day back from olympic break with 3 olympic gold medalists? cathy hates us fr fr. that shouldn't even be allowed, regardless of olympian status.

we never have to play them again this season tg

i said this before we rly have to keep these techs under control . tho i do think the refs like to tech us just bc we're the merc. which is suspicious.

we rly were missing celeste tonight. i hope they have a plan to get her back [i believe that they do]

tash cloud 5/8 from 3

kah 18 points from the line, slides into *tied for 6th* for most free throws made in a game. and that's with several whistles not getting blown

the annoying thing about this game is that there were a couple of really bad turnovers. not intercepted pass turnovers but just possessions where we throw the ball away, out of bounds. complete miscommunication. and if we had kept those possessions and converted even half of them, the last few minutes would have played out very differently.

here's my fucking problem with the f*v*r

no one wants to be there [on a roster of 12, they have 5 lottery picks, four of whom they drafted]

their coach sucks- how do you blow a 30 point lead TWICE

their fanbase exists because of one person

and yet somehow they are still "w*nn*ng"

the org doesn't put any money into the organization and yet they still get asw because apparently they have "the most popular player"

they have an uggo court. and uggo jerseys. [but for the record i think all the red jerseys and grey courts are uggo. I don't discriminate. they just happen to have both.]

[eriecanal]

tea emoji. detroit red wings coaching

rubs hands together. Okay. OKAY!!

so first up i don't think we're changing head coaches this offseason. lalonde has one more year on his contract and i didn't hear anything in his end of season media availability that would imply he's out here tbh. it's rlly tough to evaluate a coach on a rebuilding team bc it's hard to know what's good progress, what's not enough, what's coaching, what's gming, etc. since the base expectation for the team isn't that it's GOOD it's hard to know when to be mad it isn't BETTER. and the fact that the red wings are essentially on track in their rebuild provides decent reasoning for why lalonde's position is fine.

however, i do think he's in a bit of a hot seat to improve significantly next season. i don't think the org was super happy with some aspects of this season that they might blame on coaching, esp post-deadline. and of course, there's only 1 year left on his contract. i'd expect a change if the wings don't make the playoffs next season, or even if they take a shitty path there and don't see some key improvements. especially on the defensive end -- our goals-against have barely improved year over year, despite the offense improving significantly and an nhl-experienced roster, and the org is obviously annoyed abt the shaky fundamentals the team has shown a LOT this season - bobbled pucks, lack of good coverage on defense, failed man on man, etc.. defense system failures. i think there are a lot of questions coming about his coaching if those things don't see significant improvement next year.

with that being said i think Boughner (defense-focused assistant coach) should be gone. as for who replaces him we shall see... i would love to see that as a position where some new blood (maybe from overseas 👀) makes its way into the nhl coaching circuit.

as for options...

idk what the length of larionov's contract is, but i don't think he's looking for a job in the coming season. if we assume he's on a 3 year contract though, after next year he could be deciding whether to stay in russia or try the american waters.

there's always the nhl coaching circuit but um. boring! also i just don't pay attention that closely to coaching stuff outside of my teams tbh. however i do think that after next year, a position with an original 6 team that's supposed to be entering a contending window and doesn't have media quiteeee as crazy as some could be a really enticing one for coaches... maybe enticing enough to draw a good one out of their job? idk! 🤞

and of course. the man himself. fedorov. so obviously he's out of a job rn, and the real ones (hockeytown discord and the detroit hockey rumor mill) are discussing whether he's gonna make the jump out of russia (again). unfortunately i don't think it's very likely BUT in my dreams (which should be real) he takes over for boughner this year as an assistant coach and then takes over the hc job when lalonde's contract is up at the end of next year. steve listen up rn...

[imperatorrrrr]

my very tinfoil-hat, very unscientific (also very untrue) theory that i've been marinating on for a while that was only proven further correct with today's trades is that fitzy is like lowkey trying to...punish? jack for publicly speaking up for ruff and leading to the prolongation of that nightmare (obviously not actually jack's fault to be clear i'm not insane) and/or break him down to build him back up?? idk. by trading all of his buddies (obviously he-who-shall-not-be-named gone already, bahler traded, marino gone, holtzy gone, you see what I mean?) all the while he knows that at the end of the day a) jack is enough of a nhl-insider-knowledgeable/hockey realist and b) that he'll always ultimately be FINE as long as he has lukey (not in question obviously) and also nico (also not in question obviously) and at least in an on-ice hockey sense bratter (also not gonna happen)

obviously this is certifiably insane and not actually true and that's not how nhl front offices operate etc. BUT i have not been able to get it out of my head for days so now i'm burdening you with it too (VERY sorry) realistically fitz is just kind of bonkers (plausible) OR he's playing 4d chess somehow and ~we'll see. we'll ALL see~ in like three years or whatever

holy theory, anon!

thank you for sharing! I can't say I agree, to be honest...

I will, however, use this opportunity to yap about what I think is going down. Hope you don't mind!

In the 2022-2023 season, we hired Bruno because I think there was basically an unspoken thing that if Lindy doesn't do something with this lineup, Bruno will be his successor. And then, we exceeded every expectation ever, won a playoff round, and put ourselves on the map. Plus, Lindy was even nominated for a Jack Adams. He bought himself job security.

I do think Jack liked Lindy a lot because Jack was given the freedom to do whatever and learn at his own pace under Lindy.

I have my own crackpot theories about Lindy and hating Europeans, and am happy to share that if anyone wants, but he's gone, so it doesn't really matter.

Plus, there's some mixed information out there about Fitz and Lindy's relationship. From his presser, it seems like he was forced to fire Lindy because they needed a scapegoat. From some other stuff, it seems like Fitz wanted Lindy gone much sooner but was stopped by ownership because they wanted Lindy to transition into a front office role and didn't want to sour the relationship. Nothing to do with Jack at all. Jack does not have Sidney Crosby levels of power yet.

I don't think that Jack is being punished for anything. Frankly, I think the kid is probably wrongly punishing himself plenty for everything that went down last season. I don't think Fitz has any ill will towards Jack at all mostly because he built an entire team around Jack (and Nico).

I don't think Fitz is punishing anyone, but I do think he is traumatized by last season (as are we all). We have a bajillion goalies now. We only drafted folks taller than like 6'3. Our new guys coming in are also tall boys, grittier guys. He's stabilizing the blue line which was also our other biggest issue last season.

Kevin Bahl - we needed to give up something for the absolute steal we're getting with Markstrom. Calgary is retaining. Fitz tried to package Holtzy in that, but Calgary valued Kevin Bahl more. Fitz also wants to stabilize the blue line and bring in veteran presence, and you're not going to move Luke or Nemo, so unfortunately, Bahler was the victim

John Marino - this trade is still a little baffling to me. I genuinely thought if Johnny was being traded we'd get a player that was ready to play now, but they traded him mainly for the pick, and we got the best goalie in this years draft. This is probably just setting us up for the future to have a good goalie pipeline. The other reason I've read for the Johnny trade is to make room for Pesce who is rumored to be ours in roughly ten hours. This has to do mainly with how we're going to be defending in front of Markstrom. Pesce allegedly is better suited to that defense system than Johnny is.

Alexander Holtz - I've had time to think about this, and this is very personally devastating to me and I do blame the Devils for how they handled Holtzy, but I'm coming to terms with it. They fucked his development last season by having him sit in the press box for half a season instead of sending him down. And this past season, they never seemed to give him a clear shot. Plus, then Fitz and Lindy made it their mission to shit on him at every waking moment. Unfortunately, Holtzy doesn't really have a spot on our roster. You have to think about it through line identities. Its tough because Lindy did so much shuffling, but Holtzy's hockey doesn't fit into the lines we're trying to build here other than on Jack's line, but I don't think he has the speed to keep up with Jack consistently. I hope he fucking kills it. I hate that its Vegas, but I hope he finally gets a real shot.

Akira Schmid - Akira and his agent wanted out and wanted to test the waters to see if they could get the bag and all power to him for that. Plus, I think it was fairly obvious that he was fourth in the line of goalie succession and maybe even fifth, and so he wants to play, and so he made a decision.

I think tomorrow's free agency chaos will make the vision a lot clearer.

I don't blindly trust Fitz tho, of course.

Sorry for shutting down your theorizing, anon! I just don't think there's anything to it. Plus, I'd argue Jack's crew was Ty, the superbuddies, and Merce, and then they added Johnny. I'd say Holtzy is probably closer to Merce (the Disney trip plus the fact that they go shopping together) and like Timo/Bratter/Nico (per the interview Holtzy gave). I'd also say Johnny was a lot closer to Nate too. And then Bahler had ties to Jack from childhood, but Bahler really kept to himself. (But we don't really know anything about their lives outside of the crumbs we get so anything is possible!)

[hyperfixationsstation]

sports is a business yeah but there is also good business and bad business? For a team one point away from the playoff line this just seems extreme. she literally signed an extension in January. Being a business isn't a license to treat people shitty (which I'm not saying you personally are implying but also that is often what I feel like a lot of people mean when they say it)

look im not saying what they are doing is good or even the right decision, (this is definitely a ca decision which is imp bc the lady gives no fucks lol) but if the people in charge dont feel like shes the right choice to continue or feel shes not preforming you know thats their decision as a business. now that does not make it the right ethical decision but thats what happens in a business you dont do your job to the standards that are asked you get fired. it sucks, and i definitely dont think they needed to fire her especially not right now. i think they could have given her till the end of the season to see if there was a turn around, but in this league that often does not happen. like i said unfortunately coaches are very rarely given that opportunity. so like everyone is shocked. i get why, but coach turn around in this league is very high, bc teams want to be in playoffs and fight for championships and fight to be at the top of the league.