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I have been awake since... wait a minute. Was it really...? *checks calendar* Holy hell. 4pm-ish the 21st.
I woke up. Played 5 1/2 hours of WoW. Went to work until like 7:15am. Spent an absurd amount of time pricing various car parts and trying to figure out what work we'll be doing ourselves vs. what we want Professionals to do. Time with family. It was noon and I was going to go to sleep but then it was 5pm and I was definitely laying down for bed.
But then my partner puts starts playing the world's most unironically hilarious lewd game and I can't stop watching/playing (cause i kind of took creative control over his game. Oops). It's so bad. Like, My Immortal (the fic, not the fantastic Evanescence album) bad. We are fairly certain the person who made the game has never actually had sex before. Meat stick is not a phrase I want to see associated with a penis again. I'm also certain the creator is male (due to wildly incorrect notions about female anatomy, as well as female motivations, and just generally misogynistic things sprinkled throughout). Also fairly positive they're white or otherwise in a position of power within their country. Not only are the majority of female characters white, but the WoC who do show up tend to be caricatures. Or how a goth chic and Indian woman find common ground due to their differences from other people - like directly compared being brown to a fashion choice.
I just - the choices made in the development of this game. And like, I know it's not meant to be high art or something. It's the equivalent of my E-rated girly porn fics. But, seriously, my 12-yr old could write better smut. The mind baffles.

#random#no thoughts head empty#i'm tired#34 hours i've been awake#it's so weird how i didn't used to be able to stay awake#even 24 hours without an energy drink#when i was younger#but now i pull this shit like multiple times a month#without meaning to#add on the 12+ hours of sleep ive been randomly getting some nights#and i'm just a mess#biologically speaking#i keep falling asleep#while typing or trying to read#but like i'm pretty sure i'm also over stimulated#so falling asleep in a deliberate manner may be a challenge#need to hydrate before i go to bed and sleep for 13 hours#but i'm seriously crashing now#and am perpetually dehydrated#so like what more could it hurt?#rae speaks
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even dogs pass the mirror test
#hello again everyone. how's it going#isat loop#in stars and time#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#isat#lucabyteart#isat spoilers#so. had this idea Before getting my hands on the artbook and being validated. literally have a voice note from 4:30am on the 8th where#i frantically noted down this just horrid horrid horrid caption because i'd been musing on the sasasap Dress line all day i suppose#just kind of rotating in my brain the way any kind of first time trying on new clothes for them would be .#just absolutely mental breakdown material and not one i think would be recovered from quickly. they hate being in their own skin#like. a lot? like a lot. the collateral of any kind of transfemme read was barely in my mind until it ended up relevant again while i was#actively working on this. because christ that's a bad combo. 2x different forms of body dysphoria in one. maybe even 3x somehow#plus any scenario where they get clothes is... likely gifted. something they react viciously negatively to in game and i doubt#would improve thereafter. just a veritable katamari of disgust and self-loathing#like i was mostly just thinking abt how a lot of our collective depictions of loop being alienated from their body are rather abstract#in a body horror way mostly. on account of loop being more of a metaphor than a person half the time. so i think i wanted to depict#something closer to just. a human level of body dysphoria. no focus on the whole duplicate thing just... raw disgust for the self#but with the addition of recent discussion and playing ball more with the she/her loop and transfem loop angle...#scenario of leaning into femininity to try throw off suspicion on who they are PLUS realising they might want that PLUS the party#trying to use this to bond with them PLUS body dysphoria PLUS new!gender dysphoria PLUS the usual revulsion for wanting and desire#like. that is a catastrophic combination . not coming out of that one without it getting worse for a few weeks thereafter#that's a real lash out at everyone around them and then recede in shame type breakdown. which im sure looks interesting from#the party's pov because jesus christ that touched a nerve something awful (<- they only have half the context AT BEST)#. so . there's your free scenario to ponder on if you'd want to. seeing as ive done a picture without a shitload of words on it for once#ALSO don't get smart with me in the tags about the mirror test being an absolutely ass test in most regards re: self-awareness#or that things like minnows pass it. i'm a fellow pedant dont worry. it's just that minnow doesn't really have the same ring as dog yknow?#this is supposed to be like an absolutely excruciatingly self loathing thought spoken aloud of a caption. it's pithy and cruel on purpose#and more than a little inspired by (reblogged yesterday) liminal space's 'there is no other dog. it's just you'
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my Stephanie Brown hot take is that she should get mad bitches now that she's single in comics. Yes yes shipping BUT the one time she had sex she was punished by the narrative via teen pregnancy. I think she should be allowed to have as much sex as she wants with zero consequences. Could be a lot of sex, could be a little. Point is she should get to do it without getting narratively baby trapped this time. she should get them pregnant, actually.
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#this is a joke post but it also. isn't#like. i understand that what I'm asking for is a very slippery slope especially in the hands of the average comic writers (hates women sm)#but consider that i think it would be neat if female characters in the batmythos had sex lives again...#babs was out here having cybersex with ted kord in the 90s! helena had sex! black canary had sex and was kinda a gotham chara back then!#cass is generally more interested in justice than in sex and i abide by that#(tho user @casscain-mainly has great meta diving into the portrayal of cass' sexuality! good read and was on the brain while typing this)#steph however? canonical sex haver and got done dirty for it#like. personally i prefer to imagine that steph having sex with dean was 100% her choice#idk man she just felt like it! she wanted to bone#and maybe there's other factors at play there- Dean is by all accounts deeply unpleasant as a person so no doubt-#-stephs chronic low self-esteem played into her choice of man here#but again i like to imagine that it was all sane and consensual (tho not safe which again. lots to ponder there-#-like ik dixon was NAWT thinking abt this at the time but Steph's mom is a nurse. a semi-absent nurse but a nurse nonetheless)#(i find it hard to believe that Steph didn't have a basic sex education. meaning it was either a freak accident she got pregnant-#-or a wildly ooc decision on her part. OR some kind of outside pressure put on her by someone/something)#(we'll never know bc dixon hates me personally)#BUT ANYWAY yeah Steph has some kind of canonical sex drive and is just. soundly punished for it#and then she's with Tim (Paragon of Male Virtue in Dixons eyes) so no sex whatsoever no no no ☝️#and she's never had a seriously considered love interest outside of Tim to ever consider having sex with#ALL THIS TO SAY. let Steph have sex again but without the narrative punishment in 2025#if this is what it takes to get her back in bat books so be it#also she should get to hook up with some age appropriate fellow heroes. as like fun one offs#who's in her age range? blue beetle (jaime)? circuit breaker? assuming we're trying to make this canonical and (sigh) can't pull women#I'm blanking on men who aren't vaguely too old/young for steph or gay. or just awkward (i.e like. kon el. that'd just feel weird yknow?)#ANYWAY yeah. Steph Brown stud era
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GO TIGERS GO 📣
@chocoarts has once again blown my mind by bringing my little steddie lines to life. I don’t even have words to describe how in awe I am of choco’s skills. The lighting, the colors, the style, EVERYTHING is just so breathtaking- I’m forever grateful and honored to collab with you 💕
Concept: I say both of us! I said a pre-s4 steddie pep rally and you specified s2 :)
Literally everything else (including Reefer Rick 🤩): @chocoarts
the bare-bones sketch i sent under the cut:

#guys it’s young Pedro as reefer Rick#my life will never be the fckn same 😍✨🤩#the little yoda pin ✨#y’all don’t understand when I say I laid face down trying to process this piece when choco sent it#I still keep covering my face trying to keep all the screams and emotions inside while I type this up#you’re seriously the best choco#I’m so glad I met you#collab2.0#pineyoufools#steddie#steddie fanart#stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson#s2 steddie#inspired by a photo of cliff in bring it on where he’s reading at the game lol
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He started back as quickly / And staunchly swung aside / With all the woe in the world / He turned to the wood to hide...
[a gawain for @mortiscausa's 'march to camelot,' for the prompt 'hunt']
#em draws stuff#march to camelot#arthurian things#arthuriana#gawain#sgatgk by way of love death and robots' 'fish night' I believe#caption verse is from the 1997 translation by gwyn jones - not my usual but I'm away from my print copies of everything#and going to the library either online or in person would be a whole can of worms that I don't have time for <- they're typing this at 2am#took a little while (read: 12 days) to get my brain back up and running on mtc...#I really like the style I did last year but I needed something different this year. also I can't exactly take a week off being a person#like I did last year. albeit for other reasons than speed-drawing arthuriana (it just happened to coincide with that)#during the week of pretending to not be a person mtc was the only thing I could really draw that didn't make me feel sick#but that does also mean that trying to pick up the project in the same style as last year means there's The Residue on it#anyway. Fish :) and gawain :)
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pov i did in fact get a (v cheap) cane to see if it helped any but I'm??? apprehensive about using it or telling anyone about it cause im?? Idk if it will improve my life but it's a temporary solution until I can go to the doctor. Anyway this is just me telling someone( the internet) about it cause it frankly should not be this big of a deal. It just is cause that's the type of person I am. I mean- my friends can attest to me not being able to stand or walk for long periods of time, I just don't want them to??? i don't wanna say judge me, but maybe think I am being dramatic?? It really is temporary to see if it helps so. Idk. I know they probably wouldn't but man im just.ragh. I also was under the assumption that canes are just for support when walking but apparently nthey are also helpful if you have trouble standing. good to know cause that's where most of my issues lie. walking sucks too but I can usually deal cause im too focused on other things such as 'dont get hit by car' and 'dont let knees get too straight'
ALSO SIDE NOTE I WILL BE GOING TO A DOCTOR SOMETIME AFTER JANUARY IM JUST LITERALLY TOO BUSY AND POOR RN TO DO SO
#anyway#ughh#I am the type of person who does the 'am i gay quiz'#i also have not figured out if im aromantic for this same reason#but thats like a whole dif problem#While i was doing research to see if maybe it WOULD help I saw a lot of people being like#'yeah people who don't need canes generally don't think about getting one at length'#so#anyway will probably delete this#BTW THIS IS ALSO HOW I WAS ABOUT BEING AUTISTIC SO??#I HAVE A TRACK RECORD FOR NOT WANTING TO BE FAKING/THINKING I MUST SOMEHOW BE FAKING#idk how I would fake body pain tho#not a vent btw#it kinda reads like one#idk im just trying to figure out how to not feel apprehensive about using it#its less shame and more ' someone is gonna see me and somehow know i dont need it' even tho I DONT EVEN KNOW IF I DONT NEED IT#chat is it crazy to not want to be in pain all the time and to use something that might help#and if it doesnt its not the end of the world#or os it#are people going to eat me alive for using a cane without knowing if i actually need it#raghhh#back to drawing now#if you read this far#gold star#lets see if i actually post this idk
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Saw another questionable take on Noir in TTRPGs, this time about Noir and violence/combat systems
I'm about to sleep so I can't post at length about my thoughts on that subject, so I'll leave it at this till I get to revisit it hopefully tomorrow: violence in Noir is a framing device. There is surprisingly little actual on-screen violence in classic Noir, because the violence itself isn't the *point* - the characters' response to it, the reason it happened, and the narrative consequences is. And it only makes the potential of violence feel even more like an actual threat, when it's minimised like this! A lot of Noir violence is either off-screen, or at the beginning and end of these stories (often off-screen here too).
I'll detail it more in the future, but because of this nature of violence in Noir, I think TTRPGs and games that aim for Noir as a genre/style do best when they limit actual mechanics for it. That's of course a personal opinion, there's no such thing as an absolute truth in game design, but I feel Noir games would be stronger at genre-emulation when they merely allude to violence, and if they do need mechanics for it, making them few, simple, and evocative. No need for realistic or TTRPG-typical combat systems with initiative, action rolls and all that - find other ways to bring in Noir's violence. A realistic, detailed combat system generally doesn't use violence as the framing tool Noir does.
#tyrastafr talks#indie ttrpgs#ttrpg design#I have a lot of thoughts about Noir as a genre/style and how to execute it in TTRPGs#this is not an absolute truth or 'games can only do it this way' type thought!#I just have a Noir hyperfixation shsjfj and want to see more games that understand the genre/style#while not explicitly a Noir fighting subsystem I think Bully Pulpit's 'Fighting... and Why It is Horrible' is good#it's a great thing to read when trying to think about how to mechanize violence with fewer mechanics than typical combat systems#a great starting point and inspiration
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snap's uber cringe vampire cherik rambling !!!!!! read at your own risk of charles/erik origins But If They Were Vampires and more !!!!
very simple makeshift vampire age map for the sake of understanding this vague timeline i have (hint: just multiply by ten) this is all subject to change because time is mean and im indecisive
infancy - 0 - 40
childhood - 50 - 120 years
adolescence - 130 - 170 years
emerging adulthood - 180 - 240 years
older adulthood - +250 years
elderly - +700 years
about dhampirs: they're not immortal like vampires, they just have a (much) longer life expectancy than humans (they really are just like 'weaker' vampires in this, only possessing half of their strengths and weaknesses)
'what's our time period' EXCELLENT question brother.
jk i think the main events will be set victorian-edwardian period (1850's-1910's) but charles and erik are at least a couple centuries old- probably born amidst the late 1500's (1580's-90's more specifically), maybe meet during the 1800's
charles' profile
charles heralds from a wealthy vampire family whos had their influence in england for centuries (maybe established roots during the 5th century), the general public none the wiser to their vampirism. at most there's rumors, but the family's charismatic enough to keep the murmurs at bay
brian is like. a little less evil to charles in this timeline. most of their time together being brian teaching charles how to run the family's business and whatever else vampires do to balance the life of a vampire and a human. at most, brian emotionally neglects charles as he stays vigilant in ensuring the xavier family can prosper for centuries. sharon xavier would be the one to instill all that is good and human in charles despite her own vampirism (most likely turned by brian before they had charles)
brian xavier is murdered by human kurt marko once the latter figures out his vampirism right before europe's widespread vampire hysteria (so maybe late 1600's)- not for any heroic purposes but so he can steal the xavier family's wealth of course.
he holds the xavier's vampiric origins over them until his eventual death (maybe early 1700's).
considering the idea charles' accidentally summons a pack of wolves to the house during a heated moment and they tear him apart- maybe kurt tries to protect cain and charles idk. charles wouldn't realize he caused this until much later while learning about his vampirism, BUT im still chewing on this so don't take this as 100% canon to this au.....
kurt never discloses the true nature of the xaviers to cain while he's alive, but as the boys grow older cain figures it out for himself and decides to dedicate his life to hunting down charles- how much of it is to rid the world of one less vampire or to vent the unhappiness he experienced growing up in the xavier household onto his brother is unclear
while kurt was alive, he experiments on charles in an attempt to understand his vampirism in an attempt to achieve eternal life without the drawbacks of vampirism. but i mean how good can your science be: evidently he fails vjELKJALKJ
as an adult, charles is curious about his own vampirism as he attempts to live amongst humans and perhaps help them (maybe not give them eternal life but at least how to extend life). he doesn't seek to 'cure' himself, only figure out how his biology works to live comfortably and safely: after all, there must be a reason as to why he was born this way, he reasons
he pursues a life of medicine to do this and along the way meets moira mctaggart (around late 1700's/early-1800's), a scientist working closely with the occult and isolated from general society. after some time, he reveals he's a vampire to her and they effectively become partners to further understand vampirism (but not romantic partners)
most of their work concerns why vampires 'need blood' and how to find a suitable substitute ('surely it's not blood itself that satiates vampires but a property within it?'), but they also look to find out why vampires can be weak in the sunlight and why they appear immortal (aka: they're purely scientific in their approach to the vampire phenomena instead of thinking it's magical, charles reasoning that vampires are just humans with a type of evolved biology. time will tell if he's right or wrong in this approach, and brother he has plenty of time)
erik's/max's profile
compared to the house of xavier, the house of eisenhardt- while not as wealthy- still maintained some sort of reputation in east prussia. however, the news of their vampirism easier leaks amidst the mid-1700's heightened paranoia of vampires (probably a domino affect of the rumor of Renowned Xaiver Family being one of vampires expanding after kurt's death), and he finds himself to be the only survivor amidst the violence against his family
fleeing further east and with the benefit of his youthful visage despite his real years, max has no problem using his intelligence and experience to find work to support himself and manages life alone until he eventually meets magda (maybe around the same time charles meets moira, 1790's). with her being human, it isn't long until she and max introduce little dhampir anya into the world
he tells magda of his vampiric origins (after all, if they were going to have a baby it'd prob be best to let her know the baby's gonna be part vampire right..), but whether it's disbelief or not fully grasping the implications of such, magda accepts and loves him. max vows never to feed off his wife, mostly feeding off hunted animals to satisfy himself
for a while, max was content to live in relative solitude with his family: he wouldn't bother the humans, and in turn they shouldn't bother him. but soon enough (talking Ten Years Later soon enough), the true nature of max and his family is uncovered in the quaint town they lived in, and history threatens to repeat itself as a growing mob attempts to torch their home. they can't succeed before max makes a bloody example of the mob- a display that frightens magda and has her flee with anya in her arms. that would be the last time max sees his wife and child. he effectively repurposes the site of where he lost his family as a quaint memorial to them and the grounds remain relatively untouched bar his annual visits (the common people more often rumoring it to be cursed as a result)
max would change his name to 'erik lehnsherr' as a way to bury his past and move on with his new, less-human-sympathetic life. uttering his real name weakens his power if not strips them away for some time entirely, so he's greatly secretive to who he tells it to (spoilers: he never tells anyone). he spends most of his time alone in his castle, going out at night to feed off late-night wanderers in nearby cities
as for wanda and pietro, debating on exactly what to do with them and if they're blood related to erik or not. considering having pietro be a dhampir that maintained his superspeed while wanda's still just a witch. not sure what to do about lorna either. at the very least, if they do live with erik, he's greatly protective and overbearing about them (a possible blend of keeping them close to use their might against humans, and not wanting to lose any more of his family)
The Part People Are Here For charles and erik interacting
How Do They Meet wow great questions today !!!
around 1810's, probably during one of erik's Feeding Nights he bumps into charles and attempts to make dinner of him, charles at this point passing far too easily as a regular human. the ensuing encounter/fight eventually leads to charles having to reveal himself also to be a vampire (probably as a result of having to resort to using telepathy to keep erik at bay and thereafter explaining himself)
despite the rocky start, neither can hide the fact they're ecstatic about meeting another vampire and become fast friends. Yknow. After overlooking the Sorry I Tried To Eat You part
so now charles spends his mornings with moira and his humanly duties and at night he sometimes spends time at erik's abode and with his children (if i decide they live with him of course).
moira can't ignore the way charles lights up when talking about erik (and how could she: even if he was candid with her about his experiences, it was an entirely different feeling talking to another vampire who already understood- and perhaps understood better). as such, she doesn't let charles forget erik could potentially be a danger- something charles can't forget if he wanted to (see again: them meeting the first time. still, he chooses to believe in the better parts of erik)
of course charles tries to dissuade erik from seeing humans as purely food or menaces and encourages him to work alongside himself to find more 'ethical' ways to be a vampire, but of course erik is resistant to the idea and at times admonishes charles for his thinking.
Everyone's Favorite Part: The Divorce
for a while- maybe five years- erik isn't aware of moira's existence. but on a night charles neglects to visit him he spots the pair walking to moira's home. following them, he's quick to discover moira's lab and realizes charles has been cooperating with a human this whole time (how much had he told her about erik? how much of their weaknesses did he expose to her? why wouldn't he tell erik about moira sooner if she wouldn't be an issue?)
enraged, erik doesn't wait for an explanation as he barges into the small shack and barks accusations of betrayal at charles. it only gets worse when moira is puzzled that charles didn't tell erik about her when he was more than happy to tell her about erik, only reaffirming erik's suspicions charles was attempting to doom vampires as a whole
what happens next im still up in the air about, but it'll be how charles loses the use of his legs in this universe
scenario a is while erik and charles brawl in moira's shack, she hurls holy water onto erik and disfigures his face. while he's down, she attempts to throw more holy water on him to at least give her and charles more time to escape only for charles to shield him at the final moment. while he's mostly unharmed, his legs get burnt as he pushes erik out of the way and finds he isn't able to regenerate the damaged limbs
scenario b is moira still gets erik with the holy water, however charles drags them out of the shack and tries to break for the nearest town. unfortunately, during their escape erik finds one of moira's silver-tipped crossbows (or something to that affect: still deciding if he should have control over magnetism in this but Details Details) and shoots charles in the spine ultimate style. going off the myth silver is Not Good for all 'unholy' and dead creatures of course, charles' nervous system isn't properly able to regenerate for Above Mentioned Reasons (his body's so 'dead' the antibacterial properties of silver eat away at him). the cruel irony of it all really (or silvery... heh.. metal...)
as a result of being burned by the holy water, erik would wear his helmet more often- at least until he feeds off enough humans to regenerate the damaged tissue (note: only human blood can restore holy-artifact-induced wounds, which means charles won't regain the use of his legs because of his refusal to consume human blood)
either way, once she and charles escape erik and relocate, moira stays with him for some time- at least long enough for charles to get used to his new way of life without his legs and figure out what they should do next, maybe two-three years. eventually, charles and moira agree it might be safer to work apart from each other and effectively split. probably leads to charles moving to america to keep an eye on vampires on the other side of the globe while moira keeps an eye on europe
after the encounter with moira and charles, erik becomes more active and now seeks out other vampires (or humans to turn into vampires), fully intending on converting the world to become a vampire's (and hell why not monsters in general) paradise
Things to iron out
the difference between animal and human blood
Whats the benefit to drinking human blood: is it tastier? More nutritious? Evidently its restorative properties are more potent for vampires than animal blood
Maybe more animal blood is needed to supplement human blood (i.e. one human may need the blood of- say- five pigs or something yk what i mean)
Maybe its possible for a vampire to live off animals only, it’d just be more difficult and they might not be as physically strong as vampires who feed off humans
Would they eventually cave into craving human blood? Is it a conscious effort to Not feed off humans? Curious….
Perhaps moira tests the effects of human vs animal blood on charles, offering blood from her arm both directly from her and extracted first to then drink. He cant argue its wrong if she’s offering for science no…. Its For Science Charles its ok…
Another thing i want to solidify is time period: on one hand i wanna do this modern-ish period but im also thinkin bout the 14th century…. Shrug i still have a lot of finer details In General ill work out with myself. For now it’ll prob remain around 1700’s-1900’s
A final minor thing i wanna work on is erik’s ‘real’ name and his name situation in general, mostly how magda knew him. Maybe changes his name to ‘erik lehnsherr’ after the eisenhardt incident, and goes by ‘magnus’ after magda, her knowing him as ‘erik’ while charles mostly knows him as ‘magnus’. ‘Count magnus’…. Hm…. Dunno if i wanna reintroduce ‘magneto’ into this or not …… ill figure it out at some point …
Perhaps other vampires and dhampirs saying his real name doesn’t negatively affect him and it’s strictly only if humans/non-vampires say it
#long post#cherik#vampire au#man i guess jgLEEJALKEJ#snap chats#ok there thats the vampire au footnotes#see this why i didnt just leave this as a tag ramble For Once i have too many thoughts for that jLVKEJLKJA#sorry i made erik a villain again </3 couldnt be helped...#erik and charles are a little older during their respective Childhood Fucked moments#like i think i have erik closer to being a teenager than a little boy when he loses his family#and charles is closer to teenage years when brian is killed#i thought about including david since i'm including erik's kids but Shrug....#maybe charles meets gaby in america... or maybe he goes back to europe trying to reconcile with erik etc etc..#i COULD have this Again be ultimate style where david is moira's son but i want her and charles to just be friends#or at least. not have a child together vJKELJAEKL#maybe they tried to date at one point but it was just awkward and were like This Aint Gonna Work Out... shrug... we're better as friends...#anyway this was fun to type up if you read any of this thank you... i hope you enjoy my random rambling feel free to ask questions or add o#this is very rough and Blah and just what i thought of while falling asleep last night jveLKLAKJG#i will probably never mention this au again unless you guys bring it up im really bad at aus vjELKJEKAELJ
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bbg i’m sure you’re already aware, but i don’t think it’s okay to ship siblings especially TWINS
not having discourse with you guys until you read "Gothic incest: Gender, sexuality and transgression" by Jenny DiPlacidi (jstor) and come prepared to critically examine how the merging of erotic/familial love in gothic literature has historically been used to disrupt the gendered boundaries that define the genre....
we're being so scholarly about this one. match my freak.
#a#i love how the framing of this ask suggests that sibling incest is like. somehow uniquely worse when it's twins. anon explain#i could type up a big defense but just like. if i touch on “dead dove” topics trust that i am trying to be tactful & academic about it#i've always read pureblood culture as gothic from day 1 on here! and that means murder/incest/gendered violence is woven into the text!#+ there are ways to discuss and be interested in “dark” thematics while also being respectful. ppl do this every day in uni classrooms.#and its like fundamental to literary criticism i feel... don't be scared... take my hand.... we did necro evan & now we're doing this....#I KNOW I WAS BEING FLIPPANT EARLIER LMFAO BUT YOU HAVE TO TRUST...
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take some thoughts abt borrower au scrapper while i work on bugs and holding myself together
in versions where the Constructicons are human hes just Literally On Holiday like on an island somewhere and the others video call him periodically but he's got his phone turned off 99% of the time. it was his idea to get the others a house to fix up while he was away lol. hes also working, doing consultation and design work ajbdjkdnbdjsvbfhf
and in versions where theyr borrowers hes staying with getting tormented by (one of) prowls exes and their son and it's all really weird and the vibes are so so bad but in a fun way. i do NOT know how itd work but the image of it is just so so funny to me,,,,
i am the arbiter of my own fate and my fate is to continually spout out strange combinations of characters.
#i read a fic that had tarantulas and scrapper interacting for a bit and i think my brain just went “...... *huh.*”#originally i was like. itd be funny if they were all meant to be holidaying together but someone fucked up their plane tickets so#scrapper ended up going to like. a tropical island#while the others are off in some cottage#springers green. scrappers green. tarantulas is tarantulas. i feel like springer would be either a teen or an adult#like. god. if he was an adult though imagine u go visit ur dad who ur trying to reconnect with but its like super weird#borrower au#i need a better name for it eventually but im lazy#anyway i feel like any au where tarantulas lives and also gets to interact with springer would be so. so soso so awkward and bad for them#like the worst type of father son relationship but one that's really fun to play around with#scrapper in these two versions are having opposing experiences. lets say that.#velwy.txt#WATCHING BEAST WARS HAS PUT A NEW APPRECIATION FOR TARANTULAS IN MY BRAIN#awful weirdguy <3
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just some 🥥 related sillies i've made for that fic we all know.
#durarara#izaya orihara#shizuo heiwajima#shizaya#a cheap imitation#i made a thing#i've been holding off on posting these here for so long whoops#i'm so shy... check out my lemonade guys#i've been very motivated to make various things for this fic as a result of this book club i've been hosting for my friends#i actually made the first image (not the video) like two years ago?#back around when i first read the fic and started being annoying about it to my friends#never posted it though because the shizuo i drew was ugly!!!#and the shizuo i drew for the second image this time around is still ugly!! unfortunately :(#well anyways if it isn't clear the images are both for chapter 19 while the video is for chapters 28 to 29 and a little bit of 30 lol#also i know izaya's actual problem isn't fucking shizuo but kissing him lol but it was funnier to keep it like this#you can check out more of this deranged behaviour over at my twitter of the same name#i know not everyone wants to go there though especially with the current situation...#so i'll try to bring over the more memorable stuff to post in batches over here which i think is the stuff i did any art for#since i've made a lot of multimedia type things dedicated to particular chapters as “marketing” for my friends#but i'm not sure they'll make much sense out of context so#my plan is to compile all of everything i've made for the fic during the book club into a powerpoint that i'll try to keep for posterity#because ngl i feel i went kinda hard with certain things that maybe only two people will appreciate#but i'll do it for those two people out there#also it's a whole book club for aci!!#*i'd* want to see what some random people have been up to with a book club for this fic#be the change you want to see in the world#side note i wonder if having so many fucking tags on your own post is a bad look...#idk it's so much clutter but i have too many things to say!!#i look back at my own previous tags and i physically can't bring myself to read them ahhhh#i hope anyone's enjoying them anyways
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Potential September Reading
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien (ideally in audio)
An English Squire by Christabel R. Coleridge
A Sherlock Holmes story (and/or a screen adaptation)
C.S. Lewis nonfiction
A sensation or mystery novel
A piece of one of the Psmith stories
Some kind of nonfiction book
#monthly reading lists#books#a nicely restrained list#mostly made up of my strong september associations#of course it's psmith pseptember so i must read at least a chapter or two#(i know too well that i don't have the discipline to expect more but i would like a taste)#sherlock holmes audiobooks made great commute reading during several septembers and now it's a vital part of the season#(i'll prob only read one or two short stories rather than try for a whole volume)#i've vaguely been feeling i'm due for a hobbit reread for a few months#but now it hit me strongly that i must read it in audio#(if i can't find a good audio version i'll have to skip that item)#i read 'surprised by joy' one september while my sister was in ireland and i was missing it#and now it feels right especially because there's an oxford academia vibe that's great for back-to-school#i want to read some kind of female-written mystery#but yet to decide if i want victorian sensation novel or agatha christie#or if i'll just try a vaguely gothic christian novel#an english squire gets on the list thanks to thatscarletflycatcher and it just feels right to have that be my next obscure classic#i wanted something for back-to-school but i didn't know if i wanted a non-psmith school story or what#so i just went with nonfiction because it's about me learning new things#also several things that didn't make the list but may be read#i was very close to putting the tenant of wildfell hall on the list#but i don't want the pressure#if i do read it it needs to be something i'm not required to do#i will probably try to finish chesterton's 'varied types'#and prob read more emma m lion#and maybe pride and prejudice on audio?
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Ieeha: it is pointless to try and reconnect with my mother and brother. What they mourn is their daughter, not a grown man who is broken beyond repair pretending to be the child they lost. It is better if I stay away, lest they find their grief fueled further by what they will undoubtedly perceive as a stranger beyond their recognition.
Ieeha, then and now:
#if you look up self awareness in the dictionary you will NOT find ieehas picture#im trying to think if there is any situation where he is fully self aware#like he is self aware of his own flaws in the sense that he SEVERELY inflates how bad those really are#he perceives himself as way more flawed and irredeemable than he actually is while downplaying his actual good sides#... while ALSO being unaware of the most glaring flaws of his#its not that hes stupid or unintelligent. hes just. well...#i sincerely dont know how to explain him. but to put into perspective shen yuan made me do a double take when i first read svsss <3#similar type of lacking self awareness and blind conviction in what he perceives to be absolute truth#to ieehas credit he AT LEAST knows hes gay--#(also i need to stop being scared about talking in detail about ieeha. this is a start though.)#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#ff14#final fantasy 14#hyur#midlander#ffxiv screenshot#ffxiv oc#warrior of light#wol#gpose#ieeha de verral#ieeha#nabaath-areng
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So... Link Click Bridon Arc.
*curls up on the floor and sobs pathetically*
#it talks!#guys I'm not okay#this is even more tragic than ALNST ivantill wtf#I was crying through the last few s2 episodes#then bridon Arc hit me right in the guts. Literal K.O.#link click... truly a hidden treasure#this is gonna be my blog topic for a while now lmfao get used to it#I need to change my banner dear Lord#I NEED TO DRAW THEM#ITS A PRIMAL NEED#seriously though I adore Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi#everything about them is so tragic... and yet— so perfect. Fragile and fragmented yet still whole#link click has changed my brain chemistry holy shit man#also I whipped up a mini prompt for them#literally woke up from my half asleep state to type it out as if my life depended on it#dunno if I'll post it tho#will prolly draw it if I get the time. It was mainly meant to be like a scene dialogue of Lu Guang speaking to Cheng Xiaoshi...#and a lot of scenes from s1 timeline#I have way too ambitious ideas for my still developing skills... I'm trying to balance it okay-#oh and of course. the classic yearning scene of the MC's thoughts being spoken while the soon to be dead love interest is happily smiling#that's my fav part. It comes at the end :D#okay I think that's it lmao please comment if you read this far I've no clue if people even read my posts half the time#link click#shiguang daili ren#tags mainly for sorting purposes and nothing else
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My local bestbuy tech support counter is shockingly competent and wonderful. Over the summer there was the thing I posted about with my phone battery and the employee who drove to the next town over to get a new battery since they didn't have one for my old phone model. And THIS time, my wifi card was loose in my computer and he was like 'okay well it might come loose again because [xyz slightly-damaged but functional part], and even though it's fixed for now, I'd feel bad for charging you about it when it's not a full replacement so don't worry about it'. so shoutout to my local bestbuy again
#i don't even care if this reads like a youtube sponsorship. i'm just glad that i can type it on my computer and not my phone.#I feel like things have been very stressful lately and things have not been going as planned#so it's just REALLY nice to have these good experiences out in the world.#I'm also really happy because they don't try to sell me things. they just try to fix the problem.#usually it's just my grandmother and I and we drive out and do our little errands together#and with computer or car issues a lot of times employees will see a young woman and an old woman and try to sell us things we don't need.#they assume we don't know anything about the problems we need fixing for and it's very frustrating.#but i've had nothing but good experiences with this bestbuy.#I think it just really stands out when you're SO used to it being a ten step process with a lot of shilling and manipulation along the way.#but he listened to my problem and went back and fixed it as best as he could without having the replacement part#AND he didn't even ask if I'd turned my router on and off yet or if i'd restarted my computer or whatever 😌#which is great because I've done everything short of a human sacrifice up to this point. it's been a problem for over a year.#it feels so nice to have a positive long ramble for once. it's been a while lmao
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I'm so heavily anti-advertising that all pitches sound goofy silly to me/I can never take them seriously, so I have no idea how I'll manage to to advertise my game even if I do finally finish it soon-ish lol...
#Especially how so much modern media advertising is like... getting people excited about random tropes and stuff like#''Do you love enemies to lovers? Do you love sad stories that make you do a heckin CRY? Do you love big stupid dumbo muffin cake#sinnamon roll babies who are too good for this world? Have you ever wanted to read a blah blach blah" whatever stuff and it's like#... i cannot type that... I couldnt do it.. I couldn't even think of how to do it ghbjhbjh#I am such a literal person... Like I love when an advertisement is just like 'This product works well. Look at it. Buy it if you want. Ok'#You know what makes me want to read a book or watch a show or play a game? Reading a detailed plot synopsis or the full wiki page#for it and then deciding 'yeah I wouldnt mind sitting through seeing the events I just read about happen in more detail' lol#OR aesthetics. since I do often watch things JUST for the set/costume design. Sometimes I will watch stuff literally#just because I saw a picture of a costume in it that looked really cool and I want to sketch costume looks whilst watching#But aside from appearance like... little bullet point break downs of things that are in a story just ... do not do anything to me at all.#And i just hate 'selling' things to begin with. I don't want to have to convince people to like something.. they should just... like it...#LOL.. like.. just be born liking it. just like it automatically please. Dont make me beg to you like a weird little freak. So many commerci#als seem weirdly desperate and manipulative. Like those Truck/Car commercials that will have like a freaking dog crying and#a war vet in a wheelchair with the american flag in the background and a family hugging around a christmas tree or some shint and its#just like oh my GODDD... shut UPP.. you could literally not be MORE blantant about just trying to prey on peoples emotions to build#some sort of fabricated positive association with your product/brand.. begone.. Or brands having their own twitters where they post#~~relatable content~~ as a means of shallow audience endearment GGGRR..... ANYWAY.. hhrgh...................#Maybe that's something I can ask playtesters I guess like.. I feel like I don't know my own audience very well because I am not#much of a media person?? ironically.. Like I do enjoy MAKING media. But I've never been in a fandom. I've never read fanfiction. I've never#spent much time in those spaces. I've just never really had the inclination and don't personally derive much joy out of stuff like that#(since I'm already so focused on my OWN world and projects its like.. hard for me to even find the time and mental energy to expend on#others). Even when I finish a movie or game and really like it.. I just kind of like...move on? and don't really dwell on it much? At most#I will get into the worldbuilding of a piece of media and read the wiki for a while or watch Lore info or critical analysis videos. But I#never really care for or attach to the characters or the plot itself very much. So I feel like.. the way my brain works. I'm just not as#good at approaching things from that angle? Kind of like how if you're a lifelong vegetarian whos never eaten meat - you might#struggle to write an ad for fancy brand of steaks bc you'd be like... idk what meat eaters are even looking for? whats the selling point??#Which I'm not saying that I wouldn't play my own game. i AM definitely the audience for it. But it's more like.. I would play it for my own#very niche specific reasons that I think are different from what MOST people might want to play it for. So I need to somehow#tap into the minds of the Majority who play things for Normal Reasons than pure lore collection or whatever lol.
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