#who cares am I right? haha
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On the one hand, I have 20 PLN left before I get my scholarship in like, two weeks, so I shouldn't spend money
On the other hand, I want a snacc Right Now
#besides it's not as though I have any emergencies to save for anymore#this mindset has been how I always managed to have money in case my dog got sick#but as helpful as it's been#it's no longer of use to me#sigh#I'll probably go grab that snacc in a second#who cares am I right? haha
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Don’t think I ever quite said what my LGBTQ+ headcanons are for the boys, so these are my current thoughts! Always changing of course but this is what I feel most strongly right now.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rise donnie#rise leo#rise mikey#rise raph#donnie and leo’s sexualities being practically swapped was unintentional but it works way too well#same with mikey and raph tbh it was a happy accident#anyway I kinda hc raph as the type who doesn’t care about physical appearance just if you fight lol#Mikey’s more than happy with friends and family#Donnie is a BIG romantic but he needs time to sus a person out fully before he gets the hots for them#leo meanwhile isn’t keen on romance unless it’s with someone he grows to really really REALLY trust#I could go on and probably will later (knowing me) but it is late and I am tired haha#turtle art tag#curious as to what everyone else headcanons#the only one of these I’ll defend forever is Bi (female-leaning) donnie and trans leo#all the others can change over time but I really like where they’re sitting right now#I hope these are the right flags too because it was kinda hard to find them#went looking for transmasc flag in particular but I couldn’t find a solid agreed upon version 😭#ngl a big part of why I hc mikey as aro is because of a pun#my phone often misspells aromantic as aromatic and- and you get it- because aromatic herbs and- and Mikey is a chef do YOU GET IT#note that while I hc leo as bisexual (male-leaning) I still think he’s prob closer to demi in that as well just not as far into the spectrum#if that makes sense#headcanons are fun and hard to narrow down at the same time alas#I made this in like an hour can you tell djjdjd#I drew them all from memory so if there’s anything wrong…shhh#and if you’re wondering for April and Splinter#Both are Bisexual (female-leaning) but April is also Panromantic#I almost wanna make Splinter demiromantic too so Big Mama’s betrayal hits just a bit harder
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something he can't put into words.
#ANOTHER DAIGO POST!!!! <333#also sorry for being like teehee yaoi dojima anyway daigo can't/probably shouldn't be close to his bio dad and latched onto this random#20 year old but Doesnt Quite recognize what is so wrong about sohei and so right about kiryu and how he should feel about either#meaning he cant fulfill his true desire (baby duck around kamurocho with his babysitter who's probably got better things to do bc people#always have better things to do than take care of him but at least kiryu pretends he enjoys it#for hours and hours and hours. some of the others ask him how he is or what he's up to at school but they don't really reach him like kiryu#does. he wants to impress him soooo bad. aughhh baby daigo you're annoying but you're also so emotionally neglected#haha latching onto mentors bc they're more involved/easier to connect to than parents haha who would do that not me ahem uh anyway#(skrunks be normal about and not project onto a kiryu + child dynamic challenge: impossible)#anyway he can't just say sohei's his father bc he's a big crime daddy but he hasn't really.. accepted? whats going on with kiryu yet either#i dont think he knows kiryu's his dad is my point#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza#dojima daigo#like a dragon#daigo dojima#ykz#i accidentally saved over soo many versions of this so i had to be like fuck it we ball. thats the final version of that panel now#gonna schedule this for later today bc i dont wanna stifle the kazumi posts but i also uh. am impatient#anyway more little daigo content he's such an ass but it makes so much sense why he's like that and he deserves a whole lotta love#also i just realized i used different name orders for kiryu and yayoi... sorry idk im just incapable of writing kazuma kiryu#uhOOPS POSTED IT EARLY NVM#yer gettin a loootta skrunk content today ig#skrunkart
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boy who likes to look very innocent and pretend that he simply wants to smell something but then will try to bite it out of your hands as soon as you've let your guard down
#cats#which for the record of course I never let him chew on anything and take it away from him immediately and am always very careful if I bring#anything near his face. etc. etc. But it's just silly that he WILL sit there and smell it for a second like 'see? I only wanted to sniff! :#................................ HAHA! KIDDING!! BITE!!! >:33'#Which is why I never let him out near the plants. Because he will just sniff and sniff and smell and be Normal but then as soon as your tur#around he's trying to actually bite and eat a plant or something so. I just stopped letting him go sniff around because#he is always a liar who cannot be trusted#The same way that if I was eating George would just come sit next to me for like 5+ minutes like ':3 I just want to sit near you!'#but then he secretly was only trying to inch closer and closer to my food and once he was sat right next to the plate#as soon as I didn't seem to be paying attention he'd try to bite something off of it lol#anyway
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i love dnd..i love playing heavy utility/support/backfield and i love having three to six attacks in a turn and an insane ac. at heart im a support player ill get my hands on whatever we're missing in a group
#looks at a druid a fighter and a bard fighter. okay cleric time.#i LOVE playing cleric turns out.#though abjuration wizard is still super super fun its a different flavor of support#it's not buffs it's 'i am going to transfer literally all that damage to myself and war caster style succeed my witchbolt concentration'#doing insane amounts of damage while taking damage (+ with temp hp and then just a lot of hp. im taking the tough feat as soon as possible)#aabria iyengar was right these abjuration wizards are craaaazy. but war domain clerics also fuck hard#my abj wiz is very much an experiment in 'what if someone who is not at all suited to this life tries to adapt as well as she can'#the point is that she isn't a cleric. do u understand. she's not a cleric and that's the point it's the. hbbbgbfhb. she's out here#functioning as a combat medic on some aasimar features + healing kits/potions + arcane ward. Look At Me#i also really enjoy playing nonreligious characters in these worlds where deities 100% exist not in a 'fuck the gods' way but in#a way somewhere between 'i'm all i need' and 'i called and no one answered' and 'may or may not go on an insane power hungry spiral and#try to get a touch of godhood' which is in part very due to my own agnostic and people-loving heart and 'haha what if i icarused this girl'#a resentful caution towards gods an immense respect towards religious companions and 'when your god isn't here to help. i will be'#anyway REACTION arcane ward you don't take damage im fine. next turn reaction shield ward's back up. the thing is.#she will drive her hp down. the ward isn't much like it goes past that temp hp. it's 14hp that shit goes down and carries to her hp#but it never drops. any leveled spell puts hp back into the ward. a 1st lvl shield puts it at 2hp and she can use it again#she is not suited for these conditions but my god it is fun to watch. i care her.#i explained that subclass feature to a player that's not in that campaign and said. like. yeah she can take damage. when her ward drops to#0 it carries to her. any leveled abj spell puts it back up. and she can use it and drive her hp down again.#do u understand what i am explaining to u! do you get it! she is and has always been a punching bag!#she was a very valuable asset to the army and the group she was drafted! into. because when she's there. people just don't fucking go down#aside from her. aside from her. AAAAH. she's so cool. she is very smart i am still riding the high of critting every turn w witchbolt and#reacting to ward a party member against a crit that would have dropped him by taking the hit herself. and she didn't break concentration#badass
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I tried but couldn't add any words to my "for legal purposes Tensei had to marry Masaki" fic however different idea: au where Masaki and Tensei said they'd marry each other if both reached 30 single, and Masaki is now just like "ah ha he's going to be dating someone in two years tho right. In eighteen months right. In one year right-"
#huh. seems like the setup for these two is always something contrived.#'I'm involved in a case and you're the prime suspect even tho we both know the secret third answer to who did it'#'i gotta marry this guy because he could put me in jail if i don't'#'haha we said we would marry each other but it was a joke right. right. you were joking at least right.'#heck maybe even the vampire au counts in this trend#now of course: i don't care and it amuses me how contrived i can make it#but i am also curious why them etc etc you know#Masaki delima of the hour: if i don't get a fake boyfriend right now I'll have to reckon with the real love of my life confirming whether#or not he was joking whenever they made that dumb bet promise thing#which#considering the poor man is a stress blorbo#that's honestly a way better situation than the others i stick him in#he'd still be approximately the same amount of anxious tho fhfhgjh
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I haven't decided what faction I want my character to be from in veilguard yet, I Need More Information before I can definitively make a call. but I must admit the siren song of rocking fifth house style disturbingly no-nonsense chill in the face of horror swag with the mourn watch is very loud and potent. speakers to the dead (and the dead are savage) vibes are so strong and so tempting
#I am playing around with playing a dwarf maybe and I don't know how compatible that is going to be with mourn watch nonsense#I have never played a rouge before in these games so maybe it's time??? the crows are also high up on my list#my pattern is amell (mage in the 'act of god' category by the end of the game) -> warrior hawke (just some guy of the highest caliber)#-> mage adaar (mercenary with the soul of a gentleman scholar who was exactly the right man for the job despite initially getting hired#as like. the doorman. not chosen by fate or anything just a really nice dude with incredible social and administrative skills)#just how much of a weirdo will rook turn out to be. we can only wait to find out#will emmrich be a bit of a mentor to you if you're also a mortalitasi. that might be nice (I say with quavering hopeful voice)#right now wardens are at the bottom of my list b/c my dirty da secret is that I don't really care about the wardens and never have haha#davrin looks really interesting tho maybe seeing the wardens operating 'at home' in the anderfels will be a different experience#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#well not really but just in case!
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Pivotal bright spot (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#The Captain#Hhhhhh <3#I am once again ''Who am I without you'' - ZEX relies on Zelnick to affirm who he himself is! His Captain is a huge comfort!#It's the codependency for me <3#The way Zelnick comforts him is so sweet ;; He can be quite attentive! When he chooses to be hehe#He's hesitant and concerned but overcomes it to give ZEX what he needs in the moment ahh he's deserving of being a leader ♥#Like covering his eye for him - and repeating back his greeting! ;;;; How many times has ZEX introduced himself that now it's repeated back#How many times has he said those exact words so confidently that Zelnick can repeat it back to him#So confident in his identity until it's all brought into question - too many pieces that align Just So to know one way or anything!#How would his human love know so many details - but such specific details are concerning as well! What's real and what's not!#What's experienced and what's mentally real - or false! There's so many tricky mental traps set agh it's so good <3#It's so interesting how their character flaws interact with their self-assuredness hehe <3 Zelnick is brash and bold!#ZEX is careful and prideful - so which takes a harder hit in matters of the mind? ZEX is at a disadvantage in Max's body of course#Hghh there's so much about this scene that's so good tho ah#ZEX's worries of his own level of self-delusion bleeding out into accidentally telling lies - he's quite honest! Mostly ♪#But here it's all just deep concern - not of Trying to manipulate but being so far gone that he can't Help but do so! Being out of control!#Of course that would be very scary for him :( And of lying to himself? The kind of thing that's wholly repulsive to him </3#Ughhh this scene breaks my heart because they really love each other and ZEX wants him and needs him but I know what will happen ;;#At least they're able to give each other a bit of comfort in the moment - whether it's true or not (it is true haha) the contrast helps#Even in Max's body and even unsure of himself getting to hold his human - this human - feels real and right <3#He's still worried afterwards of course - takes something convincing to pull him out of it! - and Zelnick continues to comfort him <3#I love palm kisses as well ugh they're so sweet ;; <3 What a lovely way to show his solidarity! Hehe ♥
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so clearly i arrived fine and the start to my "trip" is going great! now it's 2am and im feeling the gravity of my situation 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
#i have a couch to crash on in nyc but i need money to get BACK THERE#i have 45 days to get a job. because a certain relative i have will magically produce the money for me to move back if i have a job offer#even though i still wont be able to afford an apartment or anything yet#fuck i am realizing how really fucking fucked i am#the same relative that put me in this position is the one who's helping me on terms he has not specified :) haha im not scared at all#like okay with my gfm that proved to me that i dont need him right but i cant do two gfms like oh wow teddy needs help again cant get a job#yet huh loser. and i just cant bring myself to Actually Borrow money from people even though we both know ill pay it back#the childhood trauma of having grown up homeless is hitting HARD rn#doesnt help that my meds are Very Messed Up at the minute#my heart problems and crazy pills arent getting along well#so i need uhhh to take care of that! fuck id like. to. well the work relies upon your continuance. unfortunately#dont particularly feel like it does at the moment [frantically thumbs thru my mental book of things to say when i wanna die] eh kinda wanna#see how the story ends though the chapter started kinda weird but maybe it gets better. maybe it's a turning point or smthn#lessons of the hand and the mouth
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man.. shipping with characters from movies is so hard..
#ash rambles 💚#I'm the kind of person thats super particular about my self inserts#i need them to be lore accurate and have super fleshed out backstories. i aspire to create the characters i want to see in media#and they will always be their own characters before they are me#that being said. i have such a hard time making an s/i when there's no wiggle room#this new guy I'm crushing on.. the story is so fast paced#and he's really in love with another girl#i love him and all that. but it feels like there's no room for me. that just pisses me off! ugh!#i feel the same way about k.ili too though not to such a great extent#idk man. i just hate when this kind of thing doesnt work right#writing my inserts is my greatest passion and i truly am proud of some of my lore#I'll always care for them as characters more than as a vessel for me to kiss pretty characters and i know all my friends can agree that 90%#of what I've sent them is writing about my s/is and not my f/os LMAAAOOO#but yeah. it's so hard for me to figure out where my self insert goes in this movie#also um. i dont want to have an s/i just be a useless side character that just stands there. i know this might sound silly but#as a brown woman who didnt grow up with much representation and to this fucking day has not seen a single punjabi woman in the media i grew#up watching.. i dont want my characters to be useless#ugh sorry I'm rambling sorry for being so negative#anyhow. I'm almost done with the first movie. crush boy is so handsome!!! gamers idk how long i can keep his identity a secret#hahaha what if you were a blacksmith and i was a cute writer and... and we kissed..? haha jk..... unless..?
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Losing my damn mind every time I try to make progress on this comfort chapter for malfunction
I'll get to a point where I'm like Yes! This sounds good and not too angsty! It's working!
Only to turn around almost immediately like he would Not fucking say that
This chapter is either going to be good fluff but completely unrealistic or barely comforting but very realistic
I cannot seem to get the best of both to work here
#i am trying to find that sweet spot at this point#but i have rewritten this so many times idk if its worth it anymore#maybe i just post something completely stupid but fluffy and let it ruin the story as a whole#who even cares right#i don't know how to fix the ridiculous amounts of communication issues this group has within duch a tiny chapter#maybe this is why h/c fics with Logan angst always tend to go for the easy Oh we'll listen to you now logan! route#because its way easier than trying to make anything realistic happen haha#orbs thought bubbles
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when ur peotector finally documents some of his worst trauma memories and youre just sitting there reading it like
#lily.txt#protector alter: ‘yeah i used to be beaten with belts and shut in rooms until i stipped crying and talking when i was a toddler’#‘but thats just life haha am i right’#me: UM???????????????#is this how my other alters feel when i talk about my SA trauma but think its not ‘bad enough’???? wow#im so proud of him for writing this stuff down i wont name who because he didnt want us to on social media but i.#like im actually crying for him i appreciate him so so much#knowing he went through this and hes still so kind and takes such good care of us waaaaah#we technically kinda knew this stuff already but him actually choosing to write it down is a really big deal#and there were a lot more barriers to me personally knowing#so im just like WAAAAAHH DO YOU NEED A HUG?
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.
#do you ever get the feeling youre not anybodys best friend#like sure you have friends and even call them best friends at times#but like if asked them to pick someone in a room full of people theyd never choose you?#they say they will but you know they never will because why would they?#i want someone to sit under the bench in class and still pretend like thats not weird#and knowing I'll probably never get that makes it so much harder to get through the day#why am i even doing it who cares#also why i dont ever want to get married because i know no one will show up#thats a weird addition but you get it right?#and i know its cliche to say oh i have no friends cause then people are obligated to be like I AM YOUR BESTFRIEND I LOVE YOU#and that makes me feel even more like shit because i just forced someone to be my friend#god i suck#haha fml
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. (tw heterosexuality)
#i am having the worst sexuality crisis of my life. i was so sure i was a lesbian but there is this One Guy..#he makes me feel things. i think. but i cant categorize them#relationships w men sound.. unappealing.. if i think about it generally#like a random man? sounds weird. or maybe not. i dont know. i havent even had a first kiss lmao i dont really know stuff#but him............oh...........hes so funny and cool and nice to everyone. his hands are pretty (weird thing to notice but ok)#he explains math to me and i cant focus because he's too close. thats so MORTIFYING I THOUGHT I WAS A DYKE#but at the same time 12 year old me was having heart palpitations around my first girl crush and shit#and he hasnt made me feel anything that strong so far. so. idk. but also i was 12. so idk#well okay generally speaking women make me feel much more doing way less#there was this occasion where this girl who i always had a mild thing for but never did anything about it just came up to me#at school#and just. haha lol i had a dream about you last night ;)#i am not joking when i say i felt weak in the knees. she was smiling in a like playful way so i was gonna make a joke but i could not#because i was going to pass out from being too gay#this guy (or any other guy for that matter) doesn't seem to have the power to make me feel like that#..........am i bisexual with a female lean or whatever people say. or am i experiencinf the worst case of comphet of my life#this is awful. not because i don't wanna like men (its just sexuality idc) but because i don't want to prove my mom right#😭what if it WAS a phase#but who knows. mentioning the girl who dreamt about me kind of replaced the thoughts i was having of him for a bit there#i miss her she was nice. well sort of. but i was never involved in the drama so who cares fr. she graduated last year#anyways sorry for breaking character. tumblr user kaeyapilled is lore dropping
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an old thing I unearthed in my wips folder the other day... I didn’t go to the ocean last year haha
#animal crossing#ac kiki#emerges from my hermit cave again HELLO FRIENDS#how have you been!!! I've been buried under fifty different deadlines but I've just about got them all taken care of now#hopefully I'll be able to tell you about the thing I've been preparing for soon! it's getting really close and I'm going slightly feral#anyway anyway#happy summer to all who celebrate#I'm definitely not a summer fan in real life but it's my favourite season in animal crossing?#I love how green everything gets and the hydrangeas#and of course the beaches#again I am not a big beach person in real life because sand is Bad Sensory for me. anakin skywalker was so right about sand#so instead I enjoy it vicariously through my villagers!#the summer outfits are so cute too. I love the linen dresses especially#and as always kiki is the ideal model for them haha#anyway I'd probably better get back to prepping for [REDACTED]#I shall see you anon! hopefully with a formal announcement next time 👀
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if i wore a bib I wouldn't get food on it but it would be drenched in water. i am always spilling water on myself. i go to drink and then i spill water on my collar and its fine. this is just what life is like.
#I'm really good at spilling water on myself it's my secret talent. do you think i can monetize this#haha. bedtime... go to bed right now i don't care where you are or what time it is (just kidding)#can i tell u a secret... i am also probably not going go to bed yet#wow. staying up late and telling secrets.#this is like a sleepover except i'm the only person there. you might also be there (reading the tags) but i don't know#and also if you are here we're in different places. different countries? quite possibly different hemispheres.#i hope we're in different houses at least... please don't be in my house I don't think i would like that#I think we have mice/rats in our roof (heard some scampering) but i guess it could also be you... the person reading this...#if that is you you sound really small by the way. if i were to guess... i would say that you're about the size of a rat or perhaps a mouse#so it's like a sleepover but without the sleeping or the over. so basically just 2+ people who have nothing to do with eachother#that's so fun we should do this more often 😊 i don't know what 'this' is im just saying things#wait hey wait a minute i should clarify that i don't actually spill water on myself ALL the time only SOME OF THE TIME!!!!#classic hyperbole (chortles heartily) (sorry) (i'm not sure why I said that)#so ummm if your mental image of me happens to have changed to anything along the lines of a sopping wet chicken. change it back pleas
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